Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #273 - Brian Redban, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 13, 2015

Brian Redban, Comedian and Founder of Deathsquad, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Tom's Diner - Susanne Vega I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Uncle Tom's Cabin - Warrant Recorded on 04/12/2015

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What? Oh. Lee Syat. Red Band. Shit. I'm seeing Red Band's old flame this weekend at the Houston improv. Oh, shit. Oh, really? She's showing up at the baby and shit. Go Red Band. Go Lee. That sounds fucking good. What? Uh. Headed Lee. Kick it. Nice to see you says the man behind the counter. What's happening? You bad motherfuckers. Welcome to the church and shit. You're going to get this on Monday. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Get out there. Cocked suckers. Scrub your little mufflers. It's going to be a good fucking week. What's happening with you Tarzan? Nothing. I got a great weekend with you in San Diego. So

I got 26 with the fucking Ninja Turtles straight up. Hey, everyone loves your 20 fucking six years This is an awesome shirt. I don't care what you say. I got compliments on this shirt. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you do. What's up Red Band, Laryl? Good. How are you? So you're going to Houston this weekend? Smooth. Whole school. Improv? Yep. Four shows. If my ex does come, I have something to give. Your boy's dead. Doug Benson on Thursday. Oh, yeah. That's fine. Yeah, yeah. I had to take it. What the fuck? Go back to H-town. I miss it. I miss it. I miss Texas in general. It's been a while, but definitely Houston. I miss Houston. You're not going to Austin and they don't book you in Austin? You know, I have to do all those bookings. And so it's just like, I have to go

reach out to everybody and do all that. And it's just, it's so much work, Joey. You know how it is. It's fucking no fun. It's so much. Yeah. You've really been working this day in the bank. I'm really proud of you. I see you out there every night. You're swinging. And that's all it is. The swing is paradise, Doug. Yeah. I'm kind of over the LA. LA doing so much here, though. Does that ever get better? Because of like the LA, doing LA audiences, just kind of, I don't know, just sad. It's very sad life. Well, that's why you go on the road, because then you break it up and you have to, you learn how to work the LA audiences and you learn how to work the different road rooms that you work, you know? Yeah. LA burns me up. LA, I burnt out an LA maybe eight

and nine years ago. For two years, I did it against my fucking will until I said that's it. You know, and I would go to the impromptu periodically, the lab factory wouldn't have me and I stopped going to the store. So it was like very, you know, I don't mind it now. Yeah. I don't mind it because I go down on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. I do a spot again in the corner, get the fuck out of there. You know, I walk around the store looking like a rapist and too old to be able to store the bunch of young girls and young kids, you know, you stand there with fucking gray hair looking like a dope. I know when I first got to the store, they'd be dudes in gray hair. I get pissed off. They go the fuck home. Right. I think it's gonna happen. You know what I'm saying?

You're not doing the spot. Go home. It's not the same, is it? It's not really anymore, because I do remember where that was the whole thing like, no, you're trying to get into TV. You're trying to get on Carson. And it was all about the young kids. And then nowadays, it seems like, I mean, there's a lot of comics that are starting at 35, they're becoming a comic for the first time 30, you know, it seems like it's a little different with that nowadays, because TV doesn't seem as important or is it? I don't know. Well, it's a young man's game. I mean, everything is a young man's game. Baseball, football, I mean, you're gonna work on the football field 44 and say, give me the fucking ball, they'll kill you. But that's the advantage you have as a comic that

you could always work in that field. You could evolve to a writer, you could evolve to so many different things. As far as the comic store, you want me to sit here and tell you that I thought I'd be slinging jokes on the road at 52. I had different plans, but those weren't the plans that how it happened. But guess what? I'm still at the store. People still give their lives to be at the fucking store to be at the store four nights a week is huge two nights a week. That's you're in the game. You're in the fucking game. Okay. If you don't have the store, you're not in the fucking game. If you're not the improv, you're not really in the game. If you're not the live factory, you're not really in the game. When you're at the store, there's something about the store

that you're in the fucking game. Listen, man, the store to me is exactly the same. People go up, people bomb. Some people stay and let the miracle fucking happen. And some people tap out and go back to wherever the fuck they're from with an excuse on L.A.'s filled with fags and Scientologists to want to suck your dick and take you in a cave and electrocute you. Whatever. It's always great. The rooms I'm working now, I don't run into the bitter comics that left L.A. But you go on the C circuit and the B circuit. Oh boy, you're going to get them. You live in L.A. Fuck you, man. A bunch of fucking losers out there. You got to know people to get on stage. You don't got to know nobody. You got to be funny, bro. You got to be funny and maneuver yourself and

go out at night and meet people. And by meeting those people that you're performing with, you'll elevate up. Right over on the red bandwagon. I agree. I mean, I'm so lucky to be able to do the Ice House every Friday, you know, did the Death Squad show there. And one of my favorite things is mixing up new comics with old comics. You know, it's so, there's so many comics in this town that I don't know. You look at half these advertisements for like flappers or Ice House and you look at the lineup. I mean, I don't know any of these people sometimes. And that just shows you how many people are in this game that we play. And it's really weird when you hang it up the comedy store. It seems like we have all the the number one comics hanging around out around us.

But then you're you wonder if that same kind of environment happens everywhere. And you know, because there's thousands of comics, right? And we just happen to hang out with a good small group of 20 to 30 that we see on a regular basis. But what's what what about those other thousands? You know, it's it's very interesting because I met somebody the other day and he's been doing comedy for 15 years. And he's been doing it in Illinois. And now he opens up for Doug Stanhope, Brett Thompson. But you know, he's one of the nicest got nicest guys, he's got a family, he's got a daughter in college and everything like that. And and he just moved to Los Angeles at I forget how old he's like, he's like a little older than me, I think, or but he just moved out to

Los Angeles to try it to try to make it at 40. And I was just like, you know what, that's fucking amazing. I want you on a desk watch. I want to mix you with this 22 year old that's that that's only been doing comedy for a week. And it's so fun to see and to help people as much as possible in Los Angeles and in comedy all the time. But it's it's amazing that that people like last doing it when you see somebody that's like, I've been doing it for 15 years, and you still see them doing spots, you know, five minute spots, you know, here and there. And I'm like, how what keeps you going at this max? This is a very sad life, you know. What's the success? What does success mean to you?

As a comic, as a as a fucking electrician, all right, so you're an electrician in fucking Columbus, Ohio. After four years, six years, you become a journeyman. So I put you in, let's say you're a fuck up, you miss work, you got five for six months at 30 or 28, you're a journeyman if you got a fucking high school and go to your classes at night. Then when you're like 32, you get a little serious, you meet this girl, she likes to fucking suck, but she also likes to go away on the weekends. That costs money that that 1650 you're making isn't going to work. So now you have options. You're going to go work for a different company, or you could start your own fucking company. You know, you have all these options. And wherever that option takes you,

wherever you go with it, that's where your success is. Are you with me like that's what you pick. There's comedians that start in Colorado that have no intention in their mind ever doing a movie, a TV show, or being in fucking Los Angeles. They do stand up to do stand up. And they become feature acts, local feature acts, and they get involved with athletics, like they do all the for like, let's say you're clean, you get involved with the fucking Lakers, man. If you like basketball, you go down, they do a couple of free fucking benefits, let them check you out, do a benefit, they pay you 500, a thousand. Now you're doing all the Laker functions. My friend Ron does that Rod Long does that in Seattle. You know, Rod Long would not move down here. One of the funniest

guys I've ever worked with. He had, he was probably making 150 grand as a comedian in Seattle, had a house, two kids, a wife, smoked dope all day. And he added money to his income when he went on the road, he took pictures. And he developed the pictures and he paint them in. And he put them on eBay and sell them. And somebody made a profit and somebody didn't. But that was his happiness. You know, we were talking about our friend, Jay, and how he was struggling here. What's he getting? One fucking spot a week. He's living on somebody's couch. You know, he had a breakup with somebody who he loved, you know, he gets dick. He's a good looking guy. I mean, you mean he puts it, huh? He gets pussy. He gets pussy. So he's a good looking guy.

We're talking about a friend of ours, Jason. And he is a great guy. Funny as fuck when he's on. He has a weird different look on things and a way of writing. But you could tell the personality changed when he fucking drinks. You want to strangle him. But you'll love him so much in the daytime. It's like living with Dracula. You love him so much in the daytime. You don't want to kill him at night when he's Dracula. When he gets three drinks in you, he tries to call you out. And he tries to just be mean to you and you're like, Jay, what the fuck is wrong with you, you know? But you know he's a great guy. But he surrounded his friends. He's seen that his friends are moving forward and he's moving backwards. You know how bad of a feeling that is? Fuck all over

that. You know how bad of a feeling that is? You and three editors go to Amerson College. You all come out here. Two of you guys are working at editors and you're still an assistant editor. How bad would you fucking feel? Yeah, it'd be terrible. Same thing. You know, when it takes some guys six years, it takes some guys two years to become another. It's just a luck of the fucking cards. But somewhere along the line, he gets fucking hammered. He loses his compass and he disappears for six months to get clean and sober. And he'll come back the best Jason he's ever fucking back. Yeah, it's going to be amazing to see that. This place is heavy on people. This place is fucking heavy. The people you see in LA now, you're going to see a third of them in five years.

And then in seven years, it's going to be a complete new social media. When they're going to be on them and they're going to want to request you to the front, you're going to go, what happened to that person? Because you see so many people come and go here. It's like a fucking carousel of people here that are going to come over and take over this fucking town. They got the idea for a movie. They got the idea for a reality show. They've been doing comedy for two years. I got this. You guys are suckers. You've been working for 10 years. We got the answers. They come, they last a year and they disappear. Then you bump into them and they'll tell you how their grandfather died. Then they come back to take care of the family in the house.

You fucking bury grandpa, you sell the couch, you fucking, you close the house up, you move some people in and you come back to LA. That's what the comic does. Some of you are not a comic, just gives up and that's the excuse right there. It was a death in the family or that was this or something else happened. And they go back to where they fucking started from. But comedy has no way. It's, listen, I came out here when I was 32, red man. Did I have a dream? I didn't know fucking dream. The reason why I'm doing what I'm doing is because I lasted. That's it. I lasted. Again, back to Richard Gale office in the gentlemen. I had nowhere else to go. It seems like this place is a lot crazier in general though. Like, uh, you know what I mean?

I got roofied the other day. Where does that happen? Everywhere. To a guy? Who roofies a guy? Everywhere. How do you know you got roofied? I was at the improv and it was dead. So I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to go home and didn't even have a drink at the improv. It was one of those nights and I'm driving by jumbo's clown room and I was like, oh, my friend works there. I'll go and see if she's there and had my, had a drink, saw David or cat there. I was like, oh, David's fucked up. And then I saw two other guys that I knew that was like a girl's ex-boyfriend and her friend. I was like, oh, those guys, whatever. Then I went to get my second drink, took like two sips and then like everything just started like getting real closed up,

you know, like in a tunnel. Like my vision got kind of weird. I'm like, oh shit, something's not right. My car's parked right in front of John. That happens to me twice a week. I know, but I mean, second drink, no weed or anything, no edibles. So I go out, my car's right out front. So I'm like, you know, I'm gonna go have a cigarette, go send my car for a bit. Something's not right. I don't feel this. I put my drink down, went out to my car, sat down in the passenger seat and it got so bad where I had to close my eyes because everything was spinning so much. And the next thing I know, I woke up like an hour and a half, two hours later, and I'm just in my car and I'm perfectly fine now, but I feel really muscle relaxed,

like just muscle relaxers. And I guess I drove home. I don't remember, but I remember feeling fine. Next day, the whole day, I felt like I was on muscle relaxers. I felt really like, oh, what? I kind of like, I had tripped on acid the night before or something, you know, and I had that acid hangover or something. It was bad, dude. And the one thing that I didn't expect though, it was like, it really fucks with you though. Like, like, like I didn't expect that part, like the part where I'm like, holy shit, dude, if I was not in the right place at the right, you know, where I could go to my car, what would have happened? You know, where would I end up? I pretty much got drug like in a movie where somebody drugs you with the tissue on your nose,

you know, chloroform or whatever. Like, that's pretty much the same thing that happened to me. But I was luckily in a public place where I could get to my car real quick. So then I start getting into like this post-traumatic like, what the fuck happened? Who did that? Why would they do that to me? You know, is that somebody I know? Is this like crazy fan? Is this a stalker of a girl that I used to fuck? I mean, half of my ex-girlfriends have boyfriends that want to kill me, you know, and I mean, I have one girl right now, ex-girlfriend, that her current boyfriend is dating, sent out letters to Joe Rogan, acting like a fan of the show, trying to get me fired. Like, you should really fire him and he's a horrible person and blah. And it's like seven emails that

he just, he's spending long days like just trying to get me fired. You know, so it, it fucked with me though, like that. You fucking torment these girls, you put them through hell, you make them clean your apartment, suck your dick, eat your asshole. They end up fucking doing porn or fucking moving to Memphis and having a kid. They're gonna hate you. You know, you put them through fucking torture and then you get rid of them. Like, you know, how many chicks you fucking torment since I've known you? 10 of them. Do you want to know the worst thing that just happened recently? Oh, no, I know there's always something. Let me ask you this before I want the roof, since I know you, how many times you've been roofing? Once. No, you've been roofing a couple times.

What? Well, you roofing me by doing what you do to poor flying Joe. How's that not a roofing? That's not a roofing. A roof is when I wake up next to you with a robot fucking. He just doesn't remember that. No, I would never fucking know that. I would never. You have a closet in there that he doesn't, he's not allowed to go into. And then he went into it the other day and he had flashbacks and had to sit down on this couch. He's gonna follow by that fucking fly. He's got a fly. I killed the fly. I was really excited. I didn't, yeah. His cousin's in the room watching you right now, getting ready to fucking go in there. Since I've known you've been roofing, what, like eight times? No, I haven't. She got bad coke. You

got a bad fucking bunch of mushrooms. I've never been roofing in my life. If you had a fucking bad bunch of mushrooms, they made you see. Oh, no, I overdosed on mushrooms, but that was a new group. You went to the ambulance, showed up on the 101. That's because I had a panic attack from smoking weed. You call the ambulance on the 101? Not on the 101. It was on sunset, but I've called the ambulance on myself like two or three times. But there's a reason. When I was younger, I used to have heart problems and I thought I was constantly having a heart attack. Oh, I thought it was from like drugs or getting too high or something? Well, no, I mean when I get high, I start thinking about my heart. Like, oh, my heart's not pounding right and stop.

Then I start just freaking myself out. But three times since I was 15, someone, that's not bad. I got to tell you this crazy fucked up story. This is almost is what happened this week. This happened a couple of weeks. This happened a while ago. This thing, I don't want to put the times right. So I've talked to you about rub maps before, which is this massage parlor search thing where you can search for. Paula and I went and looked at it. Oh, you did? Oh, my God, it's fucking, it's crazy. The people who write comments on there. It's great. I read it like it's a book. I look forward to new reviews. Rub what? It's Yelp for a hand job. Yeah, it's rub maps, like rub maps. Yeah, you pretty much go in there and go where you

live and it shows you all the places around you. And then you can read reviews and like some places give hand jobs. Some people places are at full sex. Some places is just if you want anal sex. Some places is if you want a guy dressed up as a girl, you know, it's, and it's just all around us. Like every, if you start looking at massage parlors, there's massage parlors everywhere you go. There's like one every block. It's almost like three times the amount of Starbucks. So I talk about this on the Joe Rogan podcast and, and this guy heard it. And he on a business trip went out and withdrew some money and got it, got sex, I guess. And then when he came back home, his fiance, I mean, they've been dating for seven years, they're about to get married,

saw it, what he did on the bank account statement or whatever, like that confronted him about it, and they got divorced because of him hearing about rub maps for me. Now, all the women came looking for you. So out of nowhere, this girl contacted me and she was like, I really, you know, I really think you're great. Let's go out for a drink and have some food. And I'm like, Oh, she's just a fan, but she's very hot. And so I went out to dinner with her. And the whole time she's taking, she's like, I'm snapchatting and taking photos. And then later we get drunk at the comedy store and she's snapchatting. And then later we're, you know, in the hotel room, we're snapchatting. I thought she was just sending photos to snapchat. No, she's selling to the

fucking ex husband. Yeah, that's right. So then when I dropped her off at the hotel room, she's like, Oh, by the way, this is, you know, we're about to get married, you ruined my life, blah, blah, blah. Our marriage is now over or whatever. And she's just showing me the conversation. It's like, Hey, I'm hanging out, guess who I'm hanging out with. And it's me like doing the peace sign with the margarita. And then he's like, Wait, where are you? Are you, what is that fucking red ban? Is red ban in town? And then it's like the next one's at the comedy store. And she goes, Wait, you're in Los Angeles? What the fuck are you doing? So then it's ends with me. Like, she's just like, throw your come at me, because it's another thing I talk about. Like, she had to listen to

the Joe Rogan experience in the morning, in the car at night, every single second he made her listen to it. So he ended up hating Joe, or she ended up just like, I hate Joe, I don't want to hear about Joe anymore. But like, like, she thought the funniest revenge would be to fuck me. And it's at the end, I'm like, spider manning her tits, because she's heard me talk about spider man before. But you took a picture of this and sent it to the she she goes, Hey, I take video of you spider manning my tits. I think that's how that would be hilarious. I was so wasted. I was like, fuck you. Let's do that. And no wonder he wants to kill you. That's, that's, that's a shooter. So he might have been the one that riffing me. Why would they fuck the roof for you?

I don't know. But it's crazy what you're talking about earlier, how if they roof for you, they follow you to the fucking cop. What? Oh, about how like, like, you asked if you need TV and, and like, you kind of forget what like, things get normal, I guess. And like, I was, I was on Facebook today. You know, we put out it's either you were the priest three years ago today. Like three years ago, like this week, it's either you were the priest. I remember because I posted a picture, it went like number one on iTunes that day. And I posted a picture. I was, I remember I was at that stupid editing job, hating my life. And I like that CD went number one. I was like, God, that's so awesome.

And it's been three years. It's just fucking, it's fucking crazy. So long. How long it's been? I don't know. I got high and I thought about it. That's all. That's great. Yeah, I told him that before. I mean, I'm still renting you. That shit kicked in, man. I'm pretty fucked. No, it's not fucking kicking. That's what it's supposed to do. That's why we do that story of it started, started feeling a sweat drop go down the back because we don't want to be high. You eat edibles because it's Sunday. No, that wasn't that was Snoop Doggo G or whatever you gave me yesterday. Is that that fucking killed you? Yeah. Oh my God, that came on strong yesterday. That that joint didn't come on strong yesterday. It always comes on strong. That's why I keep

smoking. I think you smoke because it comes on weak. I fucking get it because it knocks me to my fucking death. When I go into that place, they got some nice looking girls in that place. That's some terrible. Got some great looking women, great girls too. I love all the girls now. But the guy usually comes out to Mexican. I asked him what he's got in the back and he usually comes out with a chunk of something good. And he had that Snoop OG. Oh my God. Me and Lee got fucked up the other day in San Diego. Lee wanted to eat everything. Lee loves bad restaurants too. You and him should hang out a lot. I don't like bad restaurants. I like going to Yelp and he gets me super stoned. So I want to eat and he just, I understand why you do it, but you didn't want

to go anywhere but a block from the restaurant. Like I ended up going last night to go get those tacos I wanted like eight minutes away and you're just like, if I can't see it from the hotel, then it's not going to happen. I got a Brian's 24 at that restaurant. That's right. You guys were at the American Comedy Club. Yeah. Right next door, Brian's 24. It's open 24 hours a day. They have everything like waffles, fried chicken, hamburgers, tacos. That scares me. It's a great place. You never go there. They got everything. That scares me. Yeah, but then we ended up going somewhere and you hated it. It was fucking horrific. It was fucking horrific. And it's like one of those places where they blast the music and they have coffee and they have

fucking dessert and all these Gentiles have slippers and sun hats. And the fucking tuna was horrific. It was drier than fuck. And that multi-grain bread was even fucking drier. They didn't toast it. They didn't put a tomato on it. Not a lick of mayonnaise, nothing. Just gave it to me like a fucking, like a prisoner in fucking Cuba. What's that place? Guantanamo Bay. Guantanamo just dry fucking tuna. It was horrible, horrible. We went to the Mexican place the one day. We had the ceviche. Not bad. You like ceviche? Yeah, I just got, I just figured out what it was recently. That's all right. It's just raw fish and fucking whatever on it. Gasoline and Mexican tequila. That's one I can't get used to. Her mom makes it, but it's just, what do they put on it? They

should just shrimp. And it's still pretty good, but it's like, they put it in raw and they let it marinate for a couple of days. So the texture's a little bit off from what I'm used to. So that's like the one thing that I'm not used to yet with her. She made shrimp today. Oh my God, it was so good. Just garlic sauteed shrimp, a little bit of rice. You're just going to eat Mexican food till your fucking head blows over. Why not? Why not? Oh my God, no, no. That's all he wanted to eat. He couldn't fucking, he wouldn't shut the fuck up. Cristina, it's only a 10 minute walk. Get the then you got to walk fucking back with the tacos in your stomach full. Fuck you. How long? It's a 10 minute walk. Fuck you. There's something right around the fucking corner.

Yeah, the tuna was right around the corner. Mediocre fucking tacos and shit. Oh no, there weren't more than you know, there are good. Stop, stop. It's like a Mexican Hooters. They're designing a fucking area there. Everything's fucking with God's. They give you those small shrimp from a can. What do you think you're dealing with dog? Leave me alone. Leave me alone. I don't even need to go there. I know what they give you in that area. You did have a good uh, a good thought though. We were going to get barbecue and we didn't go in because like I couldn't smell it. Oh Jesus Christ. Why would barbecue with three people in there in San Diego? Who would fucking even think about going to barbecue in San Diego? You're going there just to get sick.

The briskets are a week and a half old. Not to mention I'm going to H town on fucking Friday. Who the fuck are you kid? Bam. That's what they invented the fucking brisket. I'm going to go to Bebos. Bebos. I might go to Bebas. Yeah. I might go to Bebas. That cheese plate. That fried cheese plate. Skillet. No. You guys disgusting. That's dumb. No, it's a fried cheese plate. Yeah, you gotta go to this place. Bebas. What is it? It's just big. It's a big Greek thing. It's cheese. Oh, I think I've seen that. They're like letting it on fire. Yes. Oh, shit. I saw that on uh, like the food network or something. Just sit there and fucking come all over yourself and they're like on fire. People hate on diners driving than dives. They hate on the host for that show.

I love that show, especially when I'm high. Oh my god. Do you have a deep belly button, Lee? I do. Have you ever come to it and then like taken the come out of it and found it like weeks later? Not weeks. I take a shower every day, but yeah, probably. No, no. You can still come in your belly button and just seal it off like they sealed Jesus in that cave and then go back in there like two weeks and find the fucking- You come in your belly button a lot, Joe? No, I haven't done it since I was like fucking 18, but when I was 18, I come in my belly button and just lock it down like like wax over it to seal it in there. Disgusting. Disgusting. Did you just sniff your belly button? Yeah. I mean, because that's something like I literally never really dig in there, but once

I pulled out a like it, I guess was dried comb and it smelled like eggs. It was fucking gross. So I was wondering if you ever had that happen to you? No. No, I haven't. That's fucked up. I do. A lot of people like, I never came in a sock. I always just come and then it just on the blanket. I've never had like a tissue next to the bed or that's something I'm gonna- You just come on the blanket and lay it in a finagle and it for two. I go to the next side. Yeah. It only happens when you roll on that and when you roll a knock around that one, what do you do? I don't do multiple times before I go to bed, do you? Are you stuck in the middle? No, I do. I do on one side.

And you go to the other side and go to sleep, but what do you do the next night? And then it's dry. And you lay on top of it because you don't do your sheets like two weeks. No, I do it every week because Paula comes over. But Paula don't come over. Those sheets sit there till they turn fucking gray and yellow. No, like once a week. I bet he has one of those apartments where you walk and you just smell the cum, the dry cum. It's just from his cum bed. No, it's disgusting. When I was single, probably. When he was single, yeah, yeah. When he was single, I had to check on the couch. He would go in that room and bang himself up. I would

see him in the morning, his eyes would be fucking, she'd be sleeping on the couch, a little undies on, a little pubic heads popping out of her asshole and he's sitting there. I gotta go to bed fucking, fucking do something. Fucking cause me the girl on the couch. And then he find nothing. She moved down, she fucked eight guys. And she went back to the toilet. She didn't fuck eight guys. How many did she fuck? Three. I don't know. Four. At that job. Don't tell me, you told me yourself, now you don't fucking know.

Why are you lying? Well, yeah, not eight, like two or three. Four. Okay. The dude, the other dude, then she left him for the deal with the yacht, then she cheated on him. Remember, the fuck is wrong with you. You're still trapped. You can't say nothing from me. It goes right into the mental fucking block and I would save it for later. I am so fucked up right now. It's the point. It's Sunday night.

How was that tripled out? It's a special edition Sunday night with Cherokee. No, you had a green horn. We had a green horn. That's what got me on job. Cause we had the green horn and then we had a piece of the star. It's hard to focus. It's like 80 milligrams.

We should eat a piece of the star. Fuck it, man. I'm gonna be fucked up anyways. It sounded lonely. It was the knife of death. I don't know. It looks like a big thing of sushi. Like tuna. Oh, but that's a cool thing we got. So, well, first I want to thank you because you didn't let me get carnice out of fries

because I was just fucked up and I wanted to get them. But what you did get me, like you were usually like, we'd have, we'd stop somewhere in the middle on the way to San Diego for food. But you're like, I'm going to take care of you. And we went to Dairy Queen and I got the best shake because I had a full, well not a full, but like three quarters of a deck of dose. Why are you lying to these fucking people? You gave me at least three quarters.

Do you ever stop by, you stop over at the Burrito Place by the La Jolla Comedy Store still once in a while, don't you? Like Don Carno. He sent over Burritos last night. He sent over Burritos. He sent over eight Burritos. He's the best guy. Oh my gosh.

He's the greatest. I love the carnice out of ones. Mm-hmm. All right, let me show you. I like the other ones. I had not the carnice out of them. The Chile Reino, that's what Paul's favorite, too. That's insane.

I'm still, I'm still guarding that boulevard. I'm still the bottom of guarding that boulevard. They had the taco place next to Denny's. That's still one of my all-time fucking favorite places of all, all Mexican food. It's cheap. You got on the lines. I used to get the carnitas with two, two or three tortillas with rice and beans. Oh my fucking god.

What kind of beans do you like? Refried. Yeah, a little bit of cheese on top. Little cheese, a little cup of green onions. What did they put on there? What's your favorite LA local place? Mexican. I'm a big fan of El Coyote.

What's El Coyote? That's something I don't like. No, it's too far. Is it like a fancy place? Like there's like Casa Vega and Sherman Oaks. I don't get it. I like the little taco shacks. I like the taco shacks.

Taco shacks? I like bumping into weird taco shacks. I've given up on a lot of shit, man. I really haven't. I just stopped. Well, you got food poisoning from that one in North Hollywood. Who did? You did.

The one taco stand, I got food poisoning. Really? Yeah, I shit blood. I had to show it to Yipra. No. It was like a 24-hour bug. I got food. Maybe it was like a bad piece of meat.

Had eaten there 30 times and nice people. I watched the operation. Sometimes it could just be a little peak. You know, years ago, I remember going somewhere. You know who's notorious for giving you fucked up tuna? Subway. Yeah. Subway.

You be careful with that fucking tuna. It's the worst thing calorie-wise there. I would never get to. Really? Really? Because they put eight pounds of mayo on it. That's why I make tuna at home. You can't get it.

Yeah. I like doing that at the house with some onions and shit, some mayo, some pickled relish. Nice. I put crushed red pepper. That's what I do. Crushed red pepper. Look at Lee.

He's a fucking regular. Then he puts beans on it and wraps it up in a tortilla. Oh, he wraps everything in a fucking tortilla. He can't live without those Caesar salad wraps. Oh, Jesus. What was wrong with that? Oh, Jesus. It's fucking delicious.

Then he eats a bag of french fries that comes with it. Why eat the fucking wrap if you're going to eat the fries that come with it? I'm not eating. You don't eat Caesar salad to be healthy. Caesar salad's like the worst salad you can get. It is. I just ate it because it was delicious. And then she said, do you want fries?

And I was high as fuck. You like Caesar salad. Who doesn't? Caesar salad? It's the fucking delicious. The hotel in Houston, the old hotel, the lab stop would put you in. They had a Caesar salad the best. Spicy anchovy.

Spicy that you sat in. Do you have full anchovies on? They was full anchovies. Never done that. Oh, yeah. They slice them thin so you really don't taste them real thin. And she would tremendous. You know we don't fuck around.

I wouldn't say it to a boy. I forget the name of the fucking place. But it was cool. Because I really wanted those carnation fries. And you sat me down. You're like, no, don't get it. You don't eat those. And that's what I need.

It's one of the fucking morning guys. My brain goes crazy. One in the morning you already had the fucking wrap and you already had french fries. The party's over. You had the M&M's. You had the fucking chips. Yeah. Oh, that's crazy.

You had the fucking Dairy Queen. You had the what else? The tacos. You had the thing that's the fattest thing on the Mexican menu. Oh, the flautas. The flautas. Yeah. You didn't want the ceviche with the avocado.

You know, you want the fucking flautas. I don't. You got ceviche at a place you've never been before. That's scary to me. Well, it's right there out in the open. Everybody's got ceviche out there. Like ten of the fucking restaurants have ceviche out there. I bet it was competitive.

I had none to lose. I don't want to fucking eat a full Mexican meal. I don't want no rice and beans. I'm trying to lose weight. So you go with the fucking ceviche. Tomatoes and jalapenos. You gain what an ounce. You're pissed like eight fucking times.

Ceviche is not bad for you. I know the chips are bad. That's why I got it. Sure, the chips are bad. The chips were 420 fucking calories for like fucking ten of them. Yeah, the chips are the worst. That was one thing shocking going to Weight Watchers was how bad the chips were.

I never thought. How bad Mexican food. Mexican food in general. That's like the worst. That's the last category they have. They're like Caribbean. They mix it and have Mexican food. And they're like a skull with fucking crossbones

and a fat dude's laying there with his heart blown up. Yeah, you should always consider eating Mexican as like pizza night in the same kind of category. Where it's actually, you know, pizza night's like a kind of like a dessert. Like, you know, we worked hard all week. Let's have get a pizza Friday, you know. And you don't think of that as Mexican. You just think of it as like food.

But that's like way worse than having a pizza. And you consider pizza like a special event. When I go to Mexican restaurants, I lose my mind. I don't know about any of you guys. There's no control. There's no control. The only control I drink is water. But I inhale the fucking salsa.

I inhale the pico de gallo. I inhale the fucking avocado. I inhale the chips and salsa that first come with the table because you're stoned to the gills. Then the dish comes. And then, you know, sour cream. Well, the fucked up part is the tortillas. If you can kind of cut out the tortillas and-

Are the tortillas bad for you? They're like 180 each. But if you have six tacos, that's a fucking, that's like six, 700 extra calories. Like that's when I start putting on the weight before I started losing it again when I started dating Paul a couple years ago. You need to break up with this girl, man.

No, no. Start dating an Asian chick. Yeah, my Mexican food fucking just backs them on, man. Her mom has been cool though. Her mom like now like measures the food and only gives a certain amount. She's cool about it. One bucket. Two one bucket.

Yeah, Mexico though. I'm no fucking servant. She hates it. She tells Paul to stop being mean to me and letting me eat. Cause she doesn't think that I want to do all this dieting thing. Every time she tries to give me extra food, she's funny. Sure, she looks at you, you got that little fucking face with those beady eyes.

I don't normally have these beady eyes. I couldn't believe you looked at me and they was like, all right, man, good night. I'm going this way. Where you going? Because I'm going to get carnious side of fries. I go, wait, you're just walking into the abyss. It's downtown San Diego.

Looking for carnious side of fries. I'm more scared of bad carnious side of them when I am fucking shrimp. Do you know what I'm saying to you? That's one thing I really am scared of is pork. I don't fuck with it. No, carnious side of beef. Same fucking difference.

Okay. The thing that got me fucking sick was carnious side of it. Oh, okay. That's what got me fucking sick. See, I would think shrimp would be worse than beef, I think. Well, you're in San Diego. It's not like you're in Tempe, Arizona where the shrimp is wet. Right.

Wet. They have to fly it in fucking nine hours. You know, that's what scares me. But you know, to each his own. I just didn't want you to pack on. No, but I needed it. And like, it's like, that's what I've been trying to get better at. Like I'll go home and I'll give myself one thing.

Usually sometimes if I haven't had dinner yet. But I need that. Like, I need just someone to say that you don't need it. And it's like, oh, I don't. No, no, no, you go back to your room. You listen, man, every time I'm hungry, I go back to the room and I make coffee. I'll make coffee and I smoke dope.

Oh, my God. And you pass the fuck out. Old school, right? Red man. Mm-hmm. Old school on the road. Eight of us in the whole town room. That one in San Francisco.

I look like a ship. And we go downstairs and they had the red power. Oh, that's right. The clam chowder place. The red pepper clam chowder downstairs. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with? These novices don't know dick about dick. That will remember that one photo where we're both sitting in the window sill

together and we're, there's a photo. It's me and you. We're both like crammed into this like window sill. And I remember we were staring across the street. There was always police because they found a chopped up woman's body in a suitcase floating in the ocean across the street from the hotel. That's right. Yeah.

And so there's this famous picture or this old picture that I have. I'll send it to you that we were just both sitting there. It's pretty funny. That's a good hotel. And I'm going to be in San Francisco next month. I'm going back to do the punchline and then Sacramento with Tony Hinchgood. That's a fun fucking week there. Yeah.

I like the sushi place in Sacramento. Right across from the club. It's open till midnight. Yeah. They got a nice little lunch there. They don't fuck around over there. They give you a nice salad, a little shirt, teriyaki chicken. That doesn't kill you.

You don't eat the rice. You get the brown rice. It's not too fucking bad. What's up dog? What are you looking at me? Just hit me. Look at you literally. I just.

Because you take the chibaches and you squeeze them to make it look like they're smaller. No, I don't. This fucking. I'm fucked up. Yeah. But you ate the other thing. Nothing. I like that watch.

That's a very nice watch. Thanks man. G-Shock. Are you going to get the Apple Watch? I don't even know what the fucking Apple Watch is. My dad wants it, but it's like $1,000 or 600 bucks. It starts off at like 300. But yeah, it goes up to actually $10,000.

It is. So you will see all like the people trying to impress us with their $10,000 version of the watch. But I miss the pre-order. I totally just wasn't thinking about it. And then so now it's like, it doesn't ship till June or something. So I'm like, huh. But do you want it? Do you want it?

I don't understand. You're going to make a call from your watch? No, no, no. I think it's more like you can keep your phone in your pocket. Somebody texts you. You can just look at it and go, yes. Or you get an alert, an email. You'd be like, OK, he said 15 minutes.

Instead of having to take out my phone, unlock my phone, go in there. Like it's more, I think it's going to be just for quick things. Or if you're driving and you have GPS and you're like, I think I have to turn right here. And it might be good for little things, I think. Oh, this is great. Because look, phone's unlocked two seconds. And then I use this as my GPS. I don't see any need.

So instead of just unlocking your phone while you're driving, how about doing this? But you don't even need to. Your phone's up here on the dashboard. Or at least for me it is. I don't know. You know, that's illegal. That's a lot of money. That's a lot of money for a watch.

Oh, I agree. I agree. Everything Apple does, there's a lot of fucking money. If you're breaking two years, that's the thing. You know, they don't make these iPhones the last 10 years, guys. No, they don't. They tell those little Chinese guys before they jump off the fucking building. Listen, make these things so they bring them back in 18 months,

then we'll give them a refurbished one. Until they buy the fucking six or the seven or the 8G or the nine sport. Apple don't fuck around. iTunes don't fuck around. iTunes fuck around with you. iTunes don't play at all, at all. There's no fucking nonsense with Apple. So people know, when Apple shows up,

you're going deep into the fucking pockets of debt. That's true. And that's what they do. You know, why would you, let's be all be honest here. Everybody in this room, I'm a fucking computer moron, but you're a computer illiterate and whatever, illiterate whatever the fucking both of you is. But let's just get back to basics here.

Would you buy the first model or something for $10,000? What if you bring it home and that watch goes fucking bananas? So it's taking, sending your pictures of your wife naked and fucking beeping at you every 10 minutes. They don't know. Right, like Google Glass just failed them. I don't even know why. Yeah, all this shit at the beginning.

They can't, they don't have all these glitches, man. So you're paying $10,000 fucking dollars for watches that are going to last fucking two years. And every two years, they're going to sap you every two years. They have, they don't, they're not fucking billionaires because they're not making money over there. They're making this shit in fucking Hong Kong. They're getting $3 a fucking hour.

They're jumping off the fucking building like it's going on a style. And my line, they do a 60 minute fucking report and they sell this shit, $10,000 a watch. Who needs a watch for $10,000 fucking now? What if I'm just looking up at the fucking wall? What if I'm just looking up at the wall? I just saved fucking $2.

I just saved $2, $2. I just saved $8 fucking dollars. How's that? A $10,000 watch. What's it going to do? It's going to give you a compass. So it'll do the iPhone in the fucking, in your watch. Right.

That's it. But you still got to have the iPhone. They got to get you with the watch. They charge it. You have to charge it every morning. Listen, guys, you know what? I keep it fucking simple. I don't even have a watch.

I got two watches at the house. One works and one doesn't. Ask me what brand they are. Some French. I have no fucking idea. Swatch. Do I care? Yeah, you look up.

Where isn't there a clock today? And you have your phone thing. I get when you're driving that I guess it'd be cool. But I always, people are always walking around like this. You said the magic fucking word. What? Cool. This is all about cool, guys.

That's true. Starbucks is all about cool. You know, it used to be that when you walk in a bar and you see somebody, they come up to you like this, don't they, with their bottle up here. Nobody has it over here. Nobody has it. Nobody just leaves at the fucking table

because they might get roofied. Like Captain Jack's fucking teddy joint. What the fuck were you doing there anyway? I love that place. Why don't you like that place? It's not a real strip club. It's just a burlesque bar. It's changed in the last 10 years.

My point. My point. I want to go see this chick with nipple rings. I'm a grown fucking man. Either show me that swamp or fucking put it away. I don't need them saying you're going to show up with a curtain in front of your pussy. That's smart.

I don't want to see. I'm too old. I don't want to see fucking art for you people who are saying, Joey, but let fuck you. I'm a grown fucking man. Joey. I don't want to see nipple rings. I want you to jump out here and show me those fucks.

When we did the comedy show at the improv, it was a fucking burlesque show. Right. I had to sit there with the chick with like a liner in her pussy. I don't need to see. I mean, show me your asshole. So it was kind of disappointing. Yeah.

It was cool to watch for a minute, but then I was like, Get the fuck out of here the whole time I was looking for a knife. To do what? To stab myself. And then you, like a mass fucking suicide. I love Bruce Jenner. There was a good police chase today. Did you see that?

That's so crazy. You're obsessed with those. It's every single day. It's like, Oh, hey, it's here's a real version of cops. You know, I love that show cops. Now we get a four hour version that's live and you never, you know, today was a death suicide by cop. And, uh,

Oh, did he do it? I don't know. Because they, the helicopter was told to leave because it was just getting too intense, like SWAT teams. So cop committed suicide? No, no. This guy was in his car with like, I guess a shotgun and he was on the phone and just smoking cigarettes.

And, uh, they had like had him surrounded. And I guess he was saying that he, uh, he was trying to do death by cop, you know, where he like comes out or they shoot him and, you know, suicide by cop. But, uh, they did, they flew away and that they were told to leave. So I don't know what happened. I mean, shoot.

And yeah, shoot him right in the fucking head. Did you ever run from the cops showing? Run from the cops? I had a real old question. But not like that. Not like with a helicopter and a bank robbery. I ran from cops a bunch of things. Really?

Yeah. Like they were chasing you on foot? Oh my God. Both. Cars and foot. Did you think you were going to get away? I got away a couple of times. Oh, fuck.

Yeah, that was before helicopters. No, it wasn't. I didn't think about it for a second. I was like, huh, was it? No, but it was definitely before, as you know, nowadays it's like infrared helicopters. They can see you at night. Yeah, you're dead.

If the helicopters aren't, you're pretty much just give up. You're dead. You're fucking dead. Because even after they look for you, they go to other things to find where the fuck you went. Like after you get home, that's when they find you. An hour later, when they go back to the ironing board and look at all the computers in the area and see,

you just dip and dash and do I got chased by cops? A fucking couple of times. One of the best ones that was when I got into a fight with Carol in Seattle and the cops came and I jumped into the ocean. Oh, no way. And they could not find me. What?

And they went to the edge with the flashlight and everything and I was right under. Wow. Were you under the water? Under the water. Like looking up at them, but I was so close to the thing. The waves, it was fucking freezing. I thought it was like three feet of fucking water.

I thought I was going to go in and it was low tide. So the water was going to go up to my fucking knees. Fuck you. I went straight down. And I thought I was just going to duck in the water and they were just going to look around and go on. You know, it's high tide, whatever. I'm not even going to.

These motherfuckers walked all the way to the edge. And I'm down there like, but you couldn't hear me kicking because the waves were hitting this wall. It was down by Alchi. Alchi right on Seattle Beach. That's over the fucking penguins. It's that water is freezing. That's Alaska water.

That was one time. Another time with her in the car. We got into a fight. She ripped up my check and I pulled ahead and the cops chased me and I hid inside a dumpster. Oh, yeah. For fucking nine hours, eight hours. I jumped on the dumpster.

I walked half the block and they're waiting for me in the bushes. They knew I was in the fucking dumpster. I have never even had a speeding ticket before. Come on. The best chase I got involved in though, was when I robbed the book and it went down. That went from 57th and Park Avenue in Western New Jersey. And it went to 69th, 70th Street and Kennedy Boulevard

in North American. But you're going Joey, it's 59th to 70th. It's 11 blocks. It's 11 blocks this way. But it was like 10 blocks this way. You follow me from where that happened? It was right by the Hudson River. And I had to get all the way across town by Seacwalkers.

Guys, you have no idea. And they were going up and down blocks. Are you on foot? Foot, motherfucker. What do you think? I had a bicycle with a helmet? No, foot. And my hand was ripped.

Oh, that time you jumped the fence. Yeah, I got caught right there where the barbed wire went in. You could still see where the fucking point went in, pulled down and then ripped that way, like a V. And I'm running home with my hand. I could feel the glove going. I could squeeze the blood out of the fucking glove.

That's how much it was dripping. Wow. And I remember as I got to the block where I lived, it was Kennedy Boulevard and then there was a block up like Fifth Avenue or Sixth Avenue or something. What's going on? Oh, they wake up your fuck. I'm out.

I think the U-Stream, you have it on. Oh, fuck. No, I don't. So just like, thank you. This fucking guy. So as I'm getting to my house, I mean, I'm maybe 50 yards from my front door. I see the door and something makes me look up

and it's a cop car coming down my block without its lights on. No lights, no red lights, no headlights, no nothing. So I couldn't catch it. He didn't see me. We just missed each other. As soon as I saw him, I ducked under a car and as he got like 10 feet from me, he started flashing his light out.

I crossed the street and that was it. I went downstairs. I took the glove. No, I left the glove on. I changed my clothes. And about an hour later, they picked me up and I went to the bar. That was one of the worst chases ever

where the fucking cops were. Like two of them were on foot and I lost them and the other ones were in cars. Is your heart just racing the entire time? Oh my God, it was tremendous. Fuck, it's tremendous. So in cops and stuff, they actually think they're going to get away.

Like it just seems so stupid watching cops in here. Well, they show you the episodes where they fucking catch it. There's 20 fucking shots where they look for you and you know, listen man, when it's dark and shit like that, you get, you get moved, but you got to move. You got to fucking move and catch a break and catch a corner.

It's got to happen quick because they usually come by themselves or maybe we're one. But in four minutes, you'll have three more cars there. Once they say it's a foot pursuit and in 10 minutes, you'll have four more fucking cars there. So it's all by the minute and quickness. Boom, boom, boom. This way, but you know,

I'm talking about if you fucking get into a fist fight, if you rob a fucking Coke deal and they're chasing you like the Coke dealer got hurt, you shot him in the leg or something, they're not going to pull out no fucking helicopters. By the time the helicopter shoots over, you're hidden. You know, unless you fall or they pick up like a t-shirt and they get like a dog out there or something.

But then again, I don't know. I don't know the extent of it really. I was watching Netflix has this cool show. It's like serial killers would like talk about that crime. And it was this dude in New York who just went and like started stabbing people and he would hide. It was like 36 hours that he just killed like a girlfriend, the girlfriend's mom, and this other dude.

Nice guy. Oh my God. And then he was talking about like hiding in New York for the night. And I just, I can't, it's like I always laugh in Grand Theft Auto when if you wait 30 seconds, the cops just give up. But it's just crazy how like, how could you imagine having someone chasing after you for 36 hours?

Could you imagine if Grand Theft Auto, Lee lasted like they, those cops went home to investigate you. And then like, so you have all these like, like murder cases playing Grand Theft Auto. See like 2,000 people after you. Investigating. You have to think like they do. The cops don't work like they do on CSI fucking Miami.

The general public thinks that they drop a hair. They're going to send it and they're going to get the hair result back in two fucking days and you're going to get guys. There's so much fucking bureaucracy. That shit costs money. So before they send your hair and like, I remember one time I lived under this guy in Colorado and he would come over to eat every night.

His name was Ken, but he was from Kentucky. So we just call him Kentucky. And he'd come every night and eat on it. We'd always show up when food, then it was certainly goes. What is it that I smell? Is that lobster tails? Maybe I can get a piece.

And you know, we're family. Well, you know, get a piece. We give a piece of one of our, and one day he comes home and this motherfucker goes, my mama just sent me $200. I'm going to have a good weekend. Oh, I thought buy a bag of wheat. Come on down here.

He's like, oh, no, my mama sent me this, this is for me. And my brother's like, fuck him in the back of my mind. I'm like, this is fucking mine. That money is mine. I'm going to rob that motherfucker. He lived right on top of me. He went out that night and I knew he was a cheap fuck. He wasn't going to take the 200 cash.

So one way or another, I creeped into this apartment. I took like the 200. One way or another. I brought, I put tables together. And I creeped up through his balcony. I put like a bar, a table on top of a barbecue on top of something else. And I climbed up and grabbed myself up, up the fucking balcony

and put my leg over. And he left the screen door open, which really shocked me. And I went into his house. I searched. I could not find the fucking money anywhere. I left the front door open, but I went downstairs and started thinking about it. Where would he, where would I put the money?

I went back upstairs looking at the pharmacy, like in his kitchen, in his bathroom. There was a thing of Band-Aids. I opened it up and there was the 200, just fucking cash. The next one, this jerk off comes down. He's like, man, somebody robbed my house last night. I knew it was one of you, New Jersey criminals. Right.

Me and my, my buddy's howling because my buddy knows it's me. He's like going, and we're like, bye. I'm like with the straight face. Come on, who robbed you? We're going to find out. I just went and got Scott's tape. And got fingerprints off the glass. He goes, I just sent it to the FBI.

Fuck you. I didn't miss a beat. I knew he had dick. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't give a fuck. And by the time you get it to the fall of, I'll beat that in court with a fucking, with Lee. I'll put a yarmulke on Lee in a black suit

and take him to court and say the authenticity, some big fucking words, and they'll fall. It really is. They'll probably work. It really will work because they just, at one point, they're telling you they got fingerprints. They have to show them to you. They have to show you the points and prove it to you as an attorney.

They're going to try to cut a deal right off the bat. You're going to go, why are they going to cut a deal so suspiciously? That's why, because they have partial fingerprints. Show me the motherfuckers, bitch. Yeah. Keep the dick. It's like when I got in trouble, when I was underage drinking at a bar and the cops came in

and I was holding a drink and I threw it in the trash can. They put me in the paddy wagon and I had to go to court. And I was 18 and I had a public defender. And he's just like, did they take the drink out of the trash can? I'm like, no. And he goes, all right, so you weren't drinking. And he's like, I don't know, what? And he goes, they need to have evidence to book you on anything.

I'm like, are you sure? And he goes, yeah. So went to court, cops like, no, I don't have that evidence. Obviously, I didn't get trash can. And they're like, well, case dismissed. That's it. There's so many fucking loopholes that they have to do. One time I was living in Snowmass Village

and I had this idea that I was going to rob the jewelry store and take the jewelry and sell it in New York for the holidays and walk out there with like 50 grand. It was a mom and pop jewelry store. I went to this fucking dude who till this day today, now that I think about it, and you guys know I process everything, today, I think this guy was an undercover agent because he was an electrician.

And he knew alarm systems. Like he told me he knew alarm systems and shit. But ever since I started talking to him, my luck started changing. And I went to this place and it was like they knew I was coming. I cut the wire and all of a sudden they fucked up because they came up there with their lights on. This is one time when these idiots kept their life,

which gave me, they're three miles away. I'm in the Colorado mountains. I see the lights coming up. This is easy. So I stopped what I'm doing. I jumped the fence and I run straight home. I lived in the valley. I just run through the snow, snow's coming down.

I run home, I fucking kick my breath. And all of a sudden by an hour later, guys, there's a knock on the fucking door. It's like four cops. I was like, how you doing? Great night. Great fucked up weather. Like, listen, we had a robbery tonight

and the guy ran all the way here. What a coincidence. And we're like, no. Did anybody come here tonight? We're like, no. It was just me in my roommate. Like, can we come inside? Big mistake.

They came in and they go, so you didn't go outside? I'm like, no. They looked into my boots. I left them there and there was snow melting on them. And they're like, well, who's ever boots there? Oh, they were out there. They had me, but they couldn't arrest me. They had no fucking proof.

There was no tools out left in the open or nothing like that. That's another time I got chased. See, like, Jesus, it's like, it's in my life now because like Paul is going to be a little prosecutor. And then in Boston, there's two important cases going on. Like there's Aaron Hernandez and then that bomber dude. And it's just, it's kind of fucked up when you think about like the jury, how like they, they get to decide

on people's lives. Like they just be, you have to just guess. It's like, there's no real, like, you don't know if it's real. And I think that guy bombed the marathon, but they were, why even have a trial? Like, what are they going to, there's no way they're going to find them not guilty. It just seems like a waste.

Well, I think with the bomber, they were going to, they try them to see if they're going to give them the death penalty, correct? That's what they're going. That's what they're deciding on. That's what they're going on there, whether they're going to kill this fucking poor moron or not. And then Hernandez might get off now, they're saying.

I don't, I didn't follow it that much. I don't know what the fuck's going on. It's like that fucked up. You have to listen. We live in the United States. You have a due process here. That's why they do that shit. They spend millions on those fucking court cases, millions.

And even if he gets fucking convicted, then he goes on death row. And that's 22 million other repeals. And then they're going to fucking zap them until he's fucking 50. So what are you going to do? It's just a part of fucking growing up. Right.

It's too high profile cases. What they got to run it, you know? So what those, so out of those jurors, they never heard what was going on with this football player. They never fucking even heard in an England Patriots. Because that's basically, you got to go in there. Right. Those Aaron Hernandez guys have to go in there saying,

we don't even know who the England Patriots are. We don't know anything about this case. Tell me guys, you guys don't know what shit's going on because it doesn't appeal to you, but you've heard of it. Right. So even if you've heard of the situation, you're fucking biased. Right?

That's what I think all the time. So. Did you have a judge or a jury? I had a judge. Fuck that. I don't take it to jury. Oh, okay. That's.

I was guilty. I ain't fucking around. Cut me a deal, bitch. I'll say that thousands, you understand me? No, if you got a, if you're pleading the case or you're a high-profile case, a high-profile matter. Listen, the beautiful thing about the law is that you have a proof behind a reasonable doubt.

That's all it takes to be not guilty. But that's all it takes to be not guilty. A reasonable doubt. So me as an attorney, I'm going to take my talk out. I'm going to go in there with Lee. I'm going to tell Lee, Lee, you're looking at 60 years. You're looking at dying anyway. So what do you give a fuck?

Let me work these motherfuckers a little bit. Let's work this cop. Let's work this evidence. There was a lieutenant who was a little weak, the breach of command. A good attorney, you see little things. So they attacked the fucking trial. And you know what?

What a great thing to prove somebody wrong. By, look at the OJ thing. That's the one that stands in my mind. Everybody knew this motherfucker played football. Everybody watched his TV. They saw him running through a fucking airport in the commercial, correct? Right.

When they go to, they're biased, right up to bat. He was married to a white woman. There was so many fucking mitigate little fucking things. But his attorneys attacked the DNA, the knife. They attacked the fingerprints that were never really processed on the gate that they had an OJ that they never really processed because it rained.

And they watched some of that fucking blood off. A lot of people don't know that. There was so many little fucking things in the OJ trial that, you know, but think about that. He paid the money. He got four powerhouse attorneys to go in there and break down one guy. First of all, if your wife goes to work

for a big attorney firm, like a big attorney firm, they eat up the district attorney's office. Dude, is that our earthquake? I'm sorry. I think it was. I was freaking out because I looked over at you and I thought you were hitting the table. I was just like, whoa, what the fuck?

I thought it was two. I was about to run. Just the manpower. It's like, when you go up against a high, it's like if LA County, it's like if I murdered somebody tonight and I go out there and get an attorney that, right off the bat, I gotta give them a check

for $250,000. That's my first check. They won't even talk to me. $250,000, we need an office by three o'clock on the wire. And that's how it starts. That's how the clock starts with those motherfuckers. They're gonna take it to trial and they're gonna try to,

but that's the beauty about working and living in the United States. I gotta ask you something, red man, before you, you in a rush? No, I just, I'm just making sure I'm okay. Just stop with the fucking post. Everybody's gonna live here. We'll call Domino's Pizza.

We'll get you some wings of blue cheese. Everybody will be fucking happy. You eat Domino's wings? No, I'm just saying for you guys because I know it'll make your heart go pit of paddle if you see a Domino wing leaked. It would. If you saw a Domino wing,

two of them, you'd probably come all over yourself. You like Domino wings, man? They're microwave. They're not great. He loves Domino's. He loves Little Caesars. I don't love Little Caesars, but it's not bad for $5.

He loves it. He's Jewish. Little Caesars, he'll buy a pie, keep the other one for the next day. Oh, Olive Garden has a new meal where you can get, you know, unlimited salad and breadsticks and then you order a dish

and then you get a dish to take home of a different dish so you can have it the next morning. So what you do is you go there, Lee, you eat all the salad and breadsticks you can't eat anymore. Get the Alfredo dipping sauce. Take both of them home.

Now you have two meals for $12.99. Wait, what do you dip the Alfredo in? The breadsticks and the Alfredo. Oh, no. It's $2. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's, that's... The salad's not bad.

Yeah. And that's two meals. The salad's not bad and the soup is fucking not bad either. Pasta Brazil, if you have it on the East Coast. Do you dip the breadsticks in the fettuccine sauce though? Oh, oh, you've never seen me in there.

It's all over my fucking face. I wouldn't eat that fettuccine fucking yeast infection juice if you paid me. Every time I say fettuccine... Alfredo, yeah. Alfredo, I think of a yeast infection. That's what that sauce looks like.

It's good though. It's disgusting. You fettuccine Alfredo. It's Italian pasta. They got it on bread. It's Italian ranch. Oh God, oh man. Fucking disgust those.

Even fucking that shit. Oh my God, I'm so... Dude, that was an earthquake. How do you know? Everyone's tweeting that crazy about it. That is a good one. Who gives a fuck? Ah, I'm so glad it is an earthquake

because I was like, my God, I'm having a heart attack. I need to call the ambulance. Yeah, I thought something was fucking. There's always... I thought you were like doing this. This is the second time the church has been going live

when we've been struck by a fucking earthquake and we've survived it. So take that to the bank for all you people at home fucking doing jumping jacks. What do you think of the state of podcasting right now? Lee had some interesting questions this weekend. It's interesting.

I personally over it a little because I'm just... You know, when I started Desquad, I've always done it as a video podcast. You guys have done it as a video podcast, but I focused it on a video. I called it Desquad.tv and I had all the shows under one name

on iTunes and everything like that because what I have always thought is that once Apple catches up and like these, you know, Roku boxes and stuff like that catches up, we're all just going to be a network. We're not... We're going to be right next to NBC.

It's going to be NBC, Joey Diaz channel, Joe Rogan channel, you know, and it's... And so my idea was always to have like a one channel and then have all these shows like TV shows after it. Now, I think what podcasting did was start off

that trend, that idea. Everyone started a podcast. The amount that got through and are still doing it today have now a lot of them have switched to video podcasts also or they have a camera on and stuff like that. But I also see that I think podcasting and audio, it just feels like I'm not hearing about it

as much as I was two years ago. Two years ago, it was like podcast, podcast, do the podcast, podcast, where now it's more like I'm doing a Twitch, I'm doing a video game show now or I'm doing a show about this and or we're doing a live show like, you know, a live show where we film while we're on the road.

And I don't know, man, it's very interesting right now. And especially for me, because I personally, you know, once you've said so many things, I mean podcasts are long and, you know, once you've done a couple of hundreds and hundreds of them, it really gets to a point where it's kind of,

you can't dip into all the fun stuff that you used to dip into anymore, like, oh, I haven't talked to them about the girl that, you know, I murdered and I haven't talked to them about, you know, this and that and that and stuff. You can't really do that anymore because you've already done that. So it's kind of like,

I think you get to a point where you're just like, okay, I need to start tripping when Robin banks more now or I got to, I felt I had to just start going off the deep end a little just to get not stale and to keep it exciting and fresh. And I don't know, it's interesting. I have been doing less of them and I'm more happier. I was doing way too many.

You know, I was doing all the Joe Rogan ones and now I'm only doing like half the Joe Rogan ones. I've been, I was doing like four, five, six different podcasts a week. Now I'm doing two and it's just, I think for me, I was just spreading it too thin and I kind of got bored with it a little. But now, since I've cut back, the ones I do,

I have fun on them again. So I discussed this weekend how, you know, people are great to have great podcasts, you know, but I get hit up five times a week to do different podcasts. Sometimes I have something against other people's podcasts. It's that I have won myself and I have to be fresh on here twice. They've already heard the fucking stories. They've already heard my logic, you know.

So now I'm going to go do two more podcasts, which are going to ask me the same questions over again and how I ended up in prison and how I ended up in comic. So I just said I can't because I just have enough time for two a week. I love doing Joe's, you know. I'll go up to Joe's and lose my mind for an hour. That's a great, but besides that, it's somewhere I gotta drive to. It's not like, well, you have to call my Skype at 2.45.

I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna be doing at 2.45. I'm gonna get an audition at fucking one. You don't live here. It's tough to really connect with you. I'm gonna have to go home and get the email and email you. Forget it. So I feel the same way you have. I started burning out for a while and that's why I just do two a week.

Just to keep me fresh. Sometimes I'll do them on Sundays. Sometimes I'll do them in the mornings. Sometimes I'll do them Monday nights. Tomorrow night I have something. So I feel I do it tonight. That's the reason why I own something. I love switching the format around.

I love it. I can't do nothing the same way fucking twice. I'm sorry. I don't mind switching up, not having a guest and just coming out of your stone to the gills. And that's the great thing I always thought about the podcast though, that I knew that I would do well with because I wanted to let people know where my heart was. That's it.

That was the most important thing. That whatever they judged up on stage or whatever the fuck I was talking about on stage, that instead of leaving their little negative on the negative side, it's like, you know what, maybe he's having a bad night. I listened to him on the podcast and I know where his heart is at. When I did the longest yard, I felt that in Atlanta that time. I felt in a lot of cities that people just really didn't fucking like me, man. But you know, for something stupid that came out of my mouth that I thought was funny at the time.

And I think that's the advantage we have over Richard Pryor and Bill Hicks, that we have a chance to go home and do a second chance. This is a second chance. Come on here and talk about what we like, what we don't like, what we like to eat, what we don't like to fucking eat. If I don't like to walk all over fucking San Diego to get a shrimp taco, it just gives you your perspective. I always wanted them to know what was in my heart and what was in my soul,

you know, and that's what I want with this podcast at this point. That's it. People always hit you up with ideas, what you should do, what you shouldn't do. You know, Lee and I have discussed it. I know what I want to do and I know what works for me. I couldn't do four of these a week. I can't do this. I can't do three of these a week.

It's spray. It's the law of diminishing returns. Something's going to suffer. For a while that I was on the road every week for like 12 weeks, the podcast started to suffer. It was too much. It was just too much. It was too much leaving on Thursday.

I got to do it in two days. Sometimes it's great doing a podcast and not doing one for three days. Then doing it again. That's the whole, you know. Yeah. I mean, when I started really going at it, you know, when me and Joe started the Joe Rogan thing and then right after that started doing the death squad stuff, you know, that's been about four years or so.

When I, when death squads first started, I mean, I was literally working all day long doing Joe's stuff, then doing death squad stuff, then at night editing, not only had that taken so much, I mean, I, for the first time in my life, I feel like, oh my God, I can just lay on the couch if I want to and watch the TV. I haven't been able to do this in four years. Just all that work and all that stress and being able to just stop for a second. I think it's so important because I, I mean, I've never had a part of my life for four years. I didn't have a real day off for work, you know?

Like, I mean, most jobs you take, like, I'll take two weeks off. I might go to, you know, Florida or something like that. I really haven't done that, you know? Like, I've gone home to visit my mom for a few days or, but I also had a comedy show and I was also, you know, I was the one booking that and having to get the rental car. And like, it's like, I've been doing so much work that it's, I feel like the president, when he goes in the term where he gets gray hair for four years or eight years, like, I feel like that has happened to me and that was the roughest four years I've

just gotten through with. And now I'm just like, I'm almost beat up. Like, I feel like- It's fucking work, man. Yeah, yeah. And now, what are you going to do when you're going to retire? No, no, I gotta- Now it starts all over again.

Put it back together. You're going to get a second wind. You write some jokes. You stay home for a few months. You regroup. You stay, you know, like you said, you're only not drinking three nights a week now. You're only drinking four nights a week. Four nights a week.

So just three nights that you don't drink and you refuel and you go back out there and you start making a living. You put some money away and then it just- It speaks in valleys, man. Look at Dom Marrera. Dom Marrera, you look at Dom. He's not every fucking week. I'm lazy compared to Dom.

You know, but I also have the wife and the child, which takes a lot of my fucking time. Like, what's up? Duh, we made it back from San Diego to the valley. That's not an hour 40. Don't you love that? I've done that once before, also. I used to do Hollywood in an hour 20 when I used to work La Jolla, the black drug dealer. I had clothes at one, so I had to beat the clock again.

I did it last night. We did 190% of the way. The happiest I've ever seen you was when we reached Irvine in under an hour. You just got this big smile on your face and you were like- You were like excited. You were doing 100. And then you were playing Oye Komoba as you were coming up to immigration. Fucking bananas when I heard that.

I was cutting people off to get to immigration. That was the line. We had a pee and I had to stop with immigration. Immigration held us for like seven minutes. If not, we would have had a great time. We made great time coming from San Diego. San Diego is a great fucking city and I get it. You know what, man?

You look at those women, what they have on. The food, the clothes, out. It's only open until two, right? It's no fucking- It's a little white. It's a little white in the military. But that's good because you kind of feel a little bit more protected. You know, you go to Vegas and you see these people who-

I mean, let's face it, Vegas is 50% Los Angeles people around the weekend. That's why sunset's fucking dead on Friday and Saturday. There's nobody on sunset. But you go to San Diego and they have their own little Las Vegas down there. They're fucking- that gas lamp thing. There was thousands of people out there. Thousands leave. Both fucking night.

Thousands. Traffic. People on bicycles pushing people around. It's like, oh my god. One recognized me and gave me a ride when I had to go get you some medicine. Yeah. I ran outside of the club and this dude was like, are you leaving from the podcast?

And he took me on that little pedal bike thing, the CVS. Nice. One thing I don't like about it is that it does not as friendly with marijuana for sure. I mean, I've smoked weed in an alley outside in the gas lamp and I've had people- Abraham. Tell me about, hey, you shouldn't be doing that here and get that out of here. And like, it's not like LA where you just walk down the sidewalk and start smoking weed. That's why they don't have dispensaries there or they didn't for a while.

They only have delivery services there. They don't like marijuana in San Diego as much as LA. That's one big part that- I smoked right outside. I smoked in the club downstairs. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Look at you.

But Redmond, how many? Because I had to figure it out for my taxes. How many free podcasts have you done? Like, Joey's always paid me. He's always been, he always gave me something for a bit. I did almost 200 free, what the fuck? Someone got beat up. But I did almost 200 free podcasts last year.

And it's just like, I hear comedians talking a lot about bookers taking advantage of them. Like they won't pay them for the shows. Mm-hmm. Except for- And I get comedians also, not a lot of money. So you don't need to pay producers a lot. But like, I was talking to Vicky Pesza last week. She doesn't get paid.

It's just, it's so much, it's a lot of work to do it. I mean, I worked for Joe full time. So I do whatever Joe tells me to do. He wants me to edit a video if I make a website. So I've gotten paid, I would have got paid anyways. For Rogan's, yeah. But for every single other podcast I've ever done, I've never got paid. Right, yeah.

And we're talking probably over thousands. And all these podcasts became, a lot of these podcasts became big. And they're some of the biggest podcasts out. Ari Shafir's, Tom Segura and Christina Pizitski's, The Naughty Show. And I mean, The Bone Zone, whatever. But I never did it for that. I did it just to, because these were all my friends, just to help them out. For a while, me and Joey and Ari and Duncan and all these guys have been on the road.

And nothing, Joey would get a commercial here or Duncan would get a commercial here and these little, little things. But just knowing all these people, I was like, there has to be a way to get people to fall in love with them. And you know what it is? It's repetition. It's being able to, it's learning who this person is and then hearing this person again. And then hearing the next thing you know, this person, just like any kind of radio DJ in the past,

is now, you know who that person is, you want, you feel comfortable hearing this person because you already know this person's story. So it's very, it's very cool to be able to do that for all these people and all my friends. And I never did it for the money. I just did it because I thought it was cool that, that I could do it. You know, like to be able to make a show and now people are watching that show and they love everyone that's on the show. And that, I mean, I do the least, Leah, actually, I've never been paid.

It's bankrupting me now. I'm bankrupt right now. I have to write a check tomorrow for 99% of what I have in my checking account. It sucks. You know, it's bad right now. And I probably have to get rid of Desquad Studio pretty soon too. Is it up there? Yeah, because it's like, you know, it's like, the whole thing cost me with like insurance,

you know, and all the bills for it and the rent. I'm looking almost about $2,000. I have no money. You know, so, so I have to design and create and make a t-shirt that will sell at least $2,000 a month so I can pay for that. So it doesn't take out of my living money. And then, and then I, you know, I had something break the other day and I had to buy a new soundboard.

It was like $500. So I have to, you know, it's all of that stuff. And after a while, it took any kind of money, bank accounts or anything. It just took it all out. And so I, while my hobby got out of control, I need to figure out a way to still be able to do it, still like to do it and, and, and make it a little bit more efficient because right now it's, you know, it's, it's just, it's just took everything I got. So that's what I'm doing with now, getting a roofie, crazy chicks, trying to get revenge,

feeling fake earthquakes. I'll be in Vancouver, by the way, next Monday for 420, if anyone's listening. We haven't gotten to that yet. We haven't, we haven't even got a shot. It's not going to get shot. So my main man, Mikey Vincent, Scott Lim, Miles Dong, Talking Lam, making a fucking comeback on Twitter, Carlos Noseguan, Paul Deese, Anthony Gravala, Petey Garcia, and Paul Lynch. I love you.

Cox suckers to death. Do you understand me? How about you, Lee? What's up buddy? Everything all right with your little Ninja Turtle street. You know, I throw sidekicks for Jesus. You want to do some Tony Bennett? Sure, whatever you want, my friend.

It's Monday. What do you want to have? Do you have any questions? No, I got no fucking questions. Just put it on. Will you please? Are you fucking kidding me or what? Jesus Christ, there goes my, my central nervous system.

Nice, very soothing. Like a home in Napa Nuna with my highest fuck also. Had two Chiba chews, a rubber thing. I had the whole thing. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. It's fucking Sunday.

That's it. Had shit to do. I didn't nap. We got home at 2.30. What time we got home? 1.40. Yeah. I went and got gas.

I went home. I emptied the suitcase. I hooked up the sleep apnea machine. I took a shower. It was like maybe 2.20. And I watched some TV till about 3.30. I got up at 7.30. The baby was already up.

My wife is sick. So I took a shower. I made breakfast. And I took the baby to the fucking park. I left the house at like 8.30, dog. Oh, God. I was wiped out. I didn't think I was gonna make it today.

That's how I always look at life now. I'm like, oh my God, I'm tired. What if I was snowing at Grandma Blow last night? How bad would I feel right now? I feel this bad. And I didn't do any blow last night. Jesus fucking... Like I need my sleep now.

Like a three hour night. And on Saturday nights, my body's used to it. My body gets shit on Saturday nights. Two, three hours tops, maybe an hour on the plane. And then I get about two hours, about two or three in the afternoon that Sunday. I don't get shit on Sundays for sleep. So my body's used to it. I took it down.

We walked around. We stopped and got some water. We're gonna get us some ice cream, but she'd make too much of a fucking mess. And then, where we going? I don't even know what I mean. The wife took out. That was it.

It was a short day. Then I went to Jiu-Jitsu. Thought I had it. I met somebody the other day that used to do Jiu-Jitsu for you at the first place. You'd have to forget where it was. But I... They come to this door.

Yeah. Yeah. They came down with me. That's right. Yeah. Girls, Debra and Nani. Nani and Steve. That's cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they all go to the new place that goes in there. But when this whole phenomenon came apart, when it came to me, I can't lie to you guys. This had nothing to do with money. This had nothing to do with money. I didn't look at this as money. I looked at this as an opportunity.

I was like, this is the opportunity I've been waiting for. To tell a story. To tell a fucking story, Nani. To tell my story, how it affected me, how it molded me. And that was it. Then I started hearing all these fucking things. People making this, people making that, people making this. And again, it's like that old thing.

After a while, me and Red Band are editors. And you're still assisting editing. How bad do you feel? So after a while, you have to strip it. And no, and it's not like I didn't... I didn't even know where to pick up sponsors. They start looking you down. They start hitting you up on Lipson and whatever.

And then when Lee came on board, I figured I didn't want any drama. So we got to pay him. We got to figure out a way to fucking pay Lee. So we got to get the sponsors. But this was never really about money for me. This was always about getting to let people know who the fuck you were. With this, supplemented with some videos. And that's the fucked up part because it is so cool.

Like I feel bad asking for money from people. And the fucked up part is people like, oh, you're having fun. Yeah, it's fucking a great gig. But at a certain point when you're here uploading a podcast and playing with the levels because it doesn't sound right to you. And then Lipson, the upload fails.

You're like, fuck. At a certain point doing 200. I only did 200 of them. You thousands free? Yeah. And now I'm editing 4K video with two camera angles. I mean, I'm rendering. I always see that you do that.

I'm like, why would you do that to yourself? For a video video, I was like, oh, Jesus. That's a lot of work. That's a good question. I learned something early on. I learned that and it's not just Hollywood. It's life. People are going to get whatever you let them take from me.

People are going to get whatever. You know, who wins for anything. If I read those $60,000, then give them another $40,000. I told Josh Wolf on the phone the other day that there's people that want to be victims. There's people that want to walk around and walk into the comments and go, ah. What happened, Red Band?

I went, Joey D is 10,000. Joey D is just blow every night. Why are we going to? Well, he told me his cat was sick. Are you fucking kidding me? He's somewhere in Vegas getting his dick sun right now when you're 10,000 and you're not going to get it. Some people want to be fucking victims, you know?

I don't even know what my point was. That's how I am. Yeah, I know. Is this been a weird, shrippy night? Because I can't tell if I keep on feeling things that Earthquakes- Oh, yeah, yeah, Earthquakes and shit. It's an ambulance type of night.

It might be. It might be calling 911 on himself or some shit. The Mexicans looking over the wall, some fucking shit. But no, it's, you know, you do this to... I enjoy it. I really do enjoy doing these. I just don't want to do that every day. But what I was talking about was L.A. is a place where

they do this thing, okay? When I first came to L.A., I was under the assumption that when you did a movie, you were a millionaire. Like when I, before anything about movies, I just thought that whenever you did a movie, you were set for life. Then I came out to L.A. and I started hearing what the rules were. And I could still live with it.

You know, as being a comic, getting $15 a spot at the comic store, you want to pay me $6.95 a day to shoot a scene in a movie or a TV, whatever TV was, whatever it was. I could live with that, red man. You know, I could live with that, Lillian. But then the union agreed to this new thing. It's called the SAG low budget film. And they have even an ultra low budget, which is $50 a day.

Where's the glamour? Where's the glamour? That's what this is all about. I'm a comedy store guy. I'm dirty. If you give me a beer that's half drunk and I'm snorting blow, I'll drink it. You know, if there's a half a cigarette in the ashtray

outside the comedy store, I'm coked up. I'll take it out there and finish that fucking cigarette. I'm a dirty dude. When you go on a movie set, that's why you want to go on a movie set. Your room is clean. You get a drink. You get taken care of for three or four days. I came to this town.

I was very forced and my first thing was basketball. Wow, fucking trailer. I'm stealing roller skates. They're bringing me lunch to my fucking room. Did these people know I had time for kidnapping? Did they have any idea what I'd done? Okay, mad TV, Spider-Man 2. I'm eating lobster tails on a Friday.

This is a great life if you pay your dues. But then SAG said, oh, fuck these bitches. We're going to let you do a movie for $220,000 for now on. So let's pretend. Let's pretend. Stop looking around, red band. I'm scared. I keep on feeling things.

You ain't feeling nothing. It's ants. It's all this far. This guy's cool, though. Let's pretend you want to do this movie. And you come to me and you go, Joey, I got a perfect part for you. I did it out. I hired a production designer.

I hired a production manager. It's going to take $9 million to do the movie. All right, I got, I'll ask you, what do you got right now? You'll say I got $1.3 million. And I got a guy in Germany who's going to send me $5 million. I'll keep you posted. We'll do a table read. We'll shoot a few scenes for you to get the investor money.

And then after about a year, I won't hear from red band. I'm going to call from red band. You're going, guess what, Uncle Joey? We're back on. You got the role. You're the man. You're going to knock it out of the park. Oh, shit.

When do we start? We're looking at October 19. You're going to work for six days. Only one bad thing. What's that? We didn't get the $1.7 million we needed. We got $200,000 since $100,000 a day. So this is your glamour.

So you don't, now I could see if you're a young actor and you learn how to act. This is great for you as an apprentice, but not ever be involved for a hundred a day. You figure you got to give your age and 10 bucks commission. You got to weigh your own clothes. You really got to know your way around the set because they cut on production assistance.

So there's not people knocking on your door going, Lisa, yeah, put makeup on. You're up next. You got to pay attention a little more. You know what I'm saying? You got to do your own makeup. You got to shave. Nobody's going to take that string out of your jacket.

Remember you just saw a special that had a string coming out of his jacket? Are you serious? That's what happens. Like I only watched 20 minutes of it because it pissed me off so much. On his right arm, he had a fucking string. Did he say anything about it?

Has he publicly said anything about that string or he's bright? Don't bring up the string. I don't know, but it's terrible. Yeah, that's embarrassing. But you have 100,000 in the special, so you have to release it. How did no one notice that?

Because they're looking at these little monitors backstage. Let me see if I can find it. That's what happens on those low budget production shoots. Right. So the actor loses, everybody loses. My thing is, if somebody does the job, you fucking pay him. Okay. If somebody does the job, you pay him.

Me as a comic, I will come to you and say, Red Band, I'm having a bad month this month. Get me started on the podcast, and every week we'll do an hour and a half. I'll give you 25 bucks. That's 100 a month. That's something. At least we're starting somewhere with 100.

These comics won't do that. Right. They won't even go out of their way. They won't even think about it. Not to mention that the podcast is at 8 on Mondays. They show up at 8.25 with a story. You know what I'm saying? So you're doing it for free, and it's costing you time.

Yeah. I don't mind doing something for four weeks for Joey to get off his feet. Right. Come on, Joey, get off your feet. Go to that pizza place and tell them that you'll sponsor you for 100 a week. Give me 25.

You can even keep 75. People don't even have that mentality. That's how hustlers mentality. You know, how can I have Lee over my house on the Sunday helping me move furniture? Let me give him fucking pizza. Give him a 50. Give him a 50 on the way out.

He'll say, no, that's 50s gas money. Lee will love you. From now when I call Lee on Sundays, he'll fucking come. My big beef with those hung on all day movies are that they make you work Sundays. If I made you work for my dream, because that's what this podcast is.

This is my dream. I come to you as a producer and I say, I have an idea. We'll play music at the end. I'll stick a kazoo up my ass. You know, let's try this. Never been done before. Whatever the fuck.

This is what somebody gives you a shot of your dream. Take care of them. Right. It's your dream. So you want me to come on your movie set on a fucking Sunday? You're going to give me the same fucking McDonald land. Fucking egg muffin.

McMuffin. You've been giving me all week. Go to the diner for 10 bucks extra. Get some scramble back. You know what I'm saying? There's little things that go so far when somebody's doing something for you on a Saturday or Sunday.

This guy's got three kids. He's here for what? To help you create your fucking dream. Yeah. Fuck you. And people will do it until you put your foot down. So from now on, every podcast you start, there's a piece of paper.

When they get to the podcast going, the first three are free. After that, I need 25 bucks. I don't care where you get it from. And it's up front. And I'd rather get a hundred dollar bill at the first of the month, just in case. When you get a sponsor, figure it out on your own. But I can't keep coming up here.

And then you do the favor. Like they said, how many times have people come to us and said, I want to do a podcast. I'm going to get them on the podcast. And they're 20 minutes late. That's it. You can't work. I can't work with you because we're doing this to start up.

And you're already fucking up at a 20 minute fucking late. So that's the big thing that burns me. I know you're very generous. I know you've helped a lot of fucking people. Yeah. I mean, I think that's what one big part of the reconstruction of what I've been doing lately is just to make it make more sense to me.

I'm not doing the 11 podcasts a week anymore. I'm doing what I want to do. Kill Tony. I enjoy doing Kill Tony. Ice House Chronicles. I enjoy the Ice House Chronicles. I enjoy Rogan Pockets. I enjoy Joe Rogan Pockets.

Other than that, I used to be like, oh, I need to do four more shows and do this thing. I can't do that at least right now for a while until I can figure out a way to have employees and have people help me and have sponsors and stuff like that. Because I mean, I'm two math classes away for having a college degree and I won't do it because I can't do it.

I fucking hate math. I hate business. I'm like, you know, probably like you. Like I look at this shit and I'm like, I don't know what that is. And I don't check my mail every three months now. I'll check my mail. I'll take a trash bag, empty it into a trash thing, set it down.

I mean, that's how much I can't deal with that crap. It really fucking sucks. We have to stay on top of that shit. OK, you can't check your mail every three fucking months. I have to. You've got to stay on top of this shit because if not, it gets out of control. I'm happy not doing that many podcasts.

That just doesn't make sense. In the studio, it's too much ass bite unless you're doing 20 podcasts out of not you. You're doing three, but somebody else is doing five and they're giving you 300. And that's what that's a part of the whole thing. Maybe maybe. But then guess what?

You're going to get there. There's a cheeseburger. There's somebody left there. And that grandma weed you had is now fucking a half a gram. They took the papers and they took your lighters. And your computer has. Yeah. So at the end of the week, you're like,

how do I fucking props from this? Unless it's family that you trust, 150% that listen. You see what this motherfucker looks like when you walk in here? That's what it's going to look like when you walk out of here. Don't bring no fucking food here. You know, you have time slots. You got to write them down.

You get hit 20 after two. Guess what? You got a 40 minute podcast this week. You tell that to somebody for three or four weeks. Would you stop with the earthquake? What's up, Lisa? Yeah. What do you got planned this week?

Coglicker this week. There you go. Right there. Is that another one? Yeah. Are you shaking your feet? I'm not doing. I'm just the water's shaking.

Yeah. I think we do. Just going to know. Holy fuck. This is tremendous. Who fucking earthquake? We're going to come out. We're going to come out.

It's asteroids and everyone's on fire. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Something's going on. The fucking emails aren't coming in. I think the Martians are definitely attacking. Yeah. Earthquake hits Los Angeles people.

It's a beautiful fucking day. Rick Ramos is going to see Fargo and Hudsuck approximately tonight. You might as well join them. My mom fucks with me. She called me the other week and she was like, I was just talking with my friend the other day. And I was saying, even though I live in New England,

you see that fly? That fly had birth here. He gave birth. That's why there's so many fucking flies in here. That's your fucking fly that you brought in here. So figure it out. Or below us, there's a dead body in that place underneath. New birth?

That's fucked up. But yeah, she said I'd rather deal with snow than deal with earthquakes. Just like, for no reason to me. She loves earthquakes. I'm bad. But I'm pretty fucked up. That's a little worse. Was that really enough?

Yeah. We've had two of them, I think. It must have been aftershock. I thought it was you shaking the fuck up. No, here, it's all over Twitter. Does it say it? Yeah, there's been earthquakes up to most things. Yeah.

I'll tell you what. Oh, shit. I fucking love it. It's a 3.5. 3.5 earthquake and we survived it live on the church. That's how we roll. Who the fuck knew it was going to be an earthquake? We do.

We do. We're one step ahead of the game, cocksuckers. So why didn't we tell anybody? Because why would we waste that time? We look like fucking assholes. People would say, how do you know? Tell us. We didn't know, but we knew.

That's what I'm trying to say, Lee. We didn't know, but we knew. Why would we have a special edition Sunday on that podcast with our main man, Red Band, if we know, but we didn't know? You're fucking slipping, cocksuckers. I love that kind of logic. We're going to go eat tonight. I know you're starving.

I know you're already thinking like Kanye, a set of fries from that place on fucking more. No, I don't cheat here. You don't cheat here? I have turkey, you know, turkey breast. You're going to go and eat that boring turkey? What? How many days old is it?

Like three. Oh, it stinks. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. It's got that little pre-come on it. Yeah. Yeah. Three days, that's it.

You got to stop and get some new turkey. Well, that's not going to happen right now. When you open it up, it's got a little... Shell, like bologna juice. Like that. When you come in your helmet. Not in three days. Yeah.

And it's on your helmet. Like your helmet slippery with your fingers. You ever had that? I've had that, but that... I've had it. I have it right now. It's a metallic bite. Where's that turkey that lasts like three or four days?

It lasts, but that thing grows on it. You have to eat the turkey quick. That's what they... That's why people buy co-cuts to eat that day. Because it's another one? That shit's... Oh, there's been like eight of them. Forget it.

Why are you scaring me for it? When I was outside, my fucking car tipped over. I got fucking... Maybe like the purse. Denzel Washington running down the street with a gun. I need this. I follow Denzel. Do you really?

Yeah. That's great. I feel like you get me home safely. I'm happy for you. God, it's so good. Next time you go to Mexico, call him, collect. See if he'll bail you out. What's in the future for Red Band?

What are you thinking? Focusing on comedy right now. And trying to get everything back together. I've been doing a lot of homecasts lately. Instead of podcasting as much, if I'm playing a video game or if I have a friend over cleaning or something like that, we'll just do a live stream where we're not even really paying attention to it and people still like that shit.

I'm just trying to figure out what's next. What should I put my fingers in right now while it's a baby and get my screen name? Because that's another thing that I've found that everyone has these podcasts. If you're the Nerdist and a new program comes out tomorrow, you better make sure you get the Nerdist on that program. The next Twitter, you want your screen name.

So I'm constantly trying to figure out what's next. And I think it's weird that video games podcasts have blown up so much. People want to just watch people play video games nowadays and talk. Who has been tormenting me to start playing video games? I just don't know what I'm doing. I've never played a video game. We have this TV now so we could just hook them up. And you sit there and make money on that?

You can. I recently been in webcam. Webcam being also like porn webcam. There's this website called Chatterbait. No, you haven't. I swear to God. If you looked at my Twitter avatar last week, it was me as my character, which I have a wig on.

I have this little vest on with my hairy chest all sticking out. Don't want to hear about this. And people tip me. And people online masturbating to him. Yeah, but I don't get naked. Like, I'll put lotion on my apples or I'll put some lipstick on or a chap stick on me. Or I'll comb my hair slowly. I made the first night and there was only like 40 people in there.

I made $120. But if you make up. I said chap stick. I just put chap stick in the little on my apples. But it's weird. So I've been doing that though because that's, you know, that killed porn. Chat webcams killed porn. That's why porn is not as popular as not porn stars anymore.

Because now like this girl who has a full time job in Alabama can get on her, you know, little webcam when she gets home and finger herself and make fucking $10,000 in three hours. Okay. I have a question. How many dollars is a token? You know, roughly it's about a dollar. A dollar, roughly.

But the girl only gets like, no, it's not. I'm sorry. 10 tokens are roughly about a dollar. I think the girl only gets like half of that or whatever. But I know this one girl I was watching, she made $20,000 just in one hour. Just people throwing it. Look at Jenna Jamison. She goes on there.

It's like just tons of fucking money. She doesn't even do shit. She has to be there or whatever she does. That's so creepy. It's like a virtual strip club. No. And so what I've been doing is the reason why I've been doing this. I'm not just doing this.

I'm a fucking creep. But I've been doing it just to see, to figure it out because video gamers are now doing this. They have the same kind of format where they play games. You pay to subscribe to their channel. You could tip them, you know, and it's that almost the same formula, but one is playing video games and one is this. So there's something to that where you're taking like the podcast, but you can like have like, you know, a little bit more interactive, I think.

And I don't know. I'm just fucking around. I just don't want to excuse to. I think they should take the list of the people who subscribe to those video game channels and like go check on them. Why? Why would you pay to watch somebody play video games and give them a tip? Huh?

And then give them a tip. Because, you know, some people are fun. Like the hot girls playing video games is big where they're not getting naked. They're just cute girls playing video games and or Kevin Pereira. They used to do a podcast pointless with. He's now doing that where, you know, he's making money and stuff because people just want to watch and then they're happy that he's broadcasting and they can play video games. And that's so creepy.

It is. It is. So that's one of the biggest things I've been just fucking around with playing video games and all this stuff just to figure out if if there's what's there. And if something I get on video game land and fuck to show them how bad I am. It's getting chased by cars. Oh, I would love to get you on Grand Theft Auto, man. Yeah, I mean, I'm building in the little video game studio in my

living room right now. Try to keep me out of trouble, but it's it's fun. I bring invite girls over. We just smoke a lot of we play video games and you have your voice in there. So you could be like, get the fuck over here and you can reenact me. You robbing people and chasing cops and getting in helicopters. It's fun, dude. If you if you could figure it out, you would never leave the couch.

There's no chance of that. I know. That's not a bad idea. Yeah. There's promise and not leaving the house. That might be in my future. Fuck going on the road. I'll fucking do those college shows in my closet.

That's right. By myself at fucking 11, 10, 9. I don't give a fuck. I think that could happen. That's gonna happen. That's gonna happen. I was people who are talking about it right now. The service right now, but it just takes like the ice house.

You have to wire it. It's gotta be wired. Perfect. The service goes down, but they come in. They charge you the mountain. Well, it was that other company we met with. Remember they won a 50 percent. They said they were donation box.

Not that one. Lapster. Yeah. Lapster. They're done, right? Yeah. They should quit. Yeah.

Both. They did everything. They fucking done those people. It's a hard bracket. You gotta have a lot of people involved in doing it. If you're gonna start that, you have to have a comedy club that has that. Kind of like Lap. What's that club that Steve, whatever?

Hostel? Lapster. That's the name of the show on Friday and Saturday nights on Fox. Yeah. Well, that's what they're all scrambling to do right now. You know, the improv is building a studio. The comedy sort of just got internet there. You know, where we do Kill Tony.

They're building these little studios inside all these clubs now. And that's like a part of a comedy club now. There's a podcast studio in it, you know. And it's amazing that part of it. Where, you know, these clubs are now broadcasting to people in Germany, you know, on some shows. So that's kind of, is that you? That was me.

Oh, God. Jesus Christ. That was a big pound one. Oh, please. I got a fucking size 13. Must weigh 82 fucking pounds each foot I got. That's what I don't understand. That's dry with a fungi nail.

That thing is a fucking drum. Yeah. What don't you understand, Lisa? Why don't, why every comedy club doesn't have a podcast. And the week before you'd call in and do the podcast. And that's what, that's what makes a great podcast. Why don't you come, why don't you come and have a good community? When you're coming on Thursday, you do the podcast at three.

And they buy lunch and you do the podcast where everybody's talking. They talk about you and you sell the week. Well, not most people don't listen live. So that you want to do it a week out. No, you leave it Thursday and just like radio, you tape it Thursday and you release it Friday morning. But people come to the show Friday and Saturday night. Yeah.

But the issue is people, like a lot of podcasts, people listen to like 20, 30 podcasts. I think they used to. So they're like a week behind. Do you think that's changed the league? I mean, because I look at, you know, people post all the time. They post like their screenshot of what, who they subscribe to on iTunes and they tag me at it or whatever.

And it used to be like a shit load of podcasts on people's list. Nowadays, it's like, it seems like it's two, three. Well, ones have died, but like, I didn't even listen to it yet. But that, that serial thing just happened with that, with that happened with that case. And people are getting into like economy podcasts. They have, they show you that one page. People have 40 hours plus, let's say at least two hours commute.

That's 50 hours a week of time to fill up. And then like, I was at the hotel in San Diego this weekend, had a nice big TV on the wall. I had my iPad with Netflix. So they don't want to sit and watch commercials when they're in the hotel. They'll watch a video podcast. So it's just, it's a, I forgot, I forgot where I was going with that, but it's kind of crazy.

I mean, look at these porn girls now, you know, the cam girls. They're doing live podcasts every single day and they're fucking themselves on cameras, but you watch half of them aren't even getting naked. They're just sitting there talking and people are tipping them money. Why can't that same formula be a podcast that we all love? Like if you, if they're watching Joey right now and there's people just like tipping and tipping,

if you tip a certain amount, you get, you know, you get to, you have to eat another thing of weed, Lee. Or if you, you know, tip this amount, then we put their picture on the wall behind it for a week. You know? Well, the fucking thing is people would do it. Yeah. But I don't want people all the time email me.

I don't need button. I don't. No, no, that, but that's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm trying to figure out when I go to, when I go to one of these webcam girls, I tip girls on webcams and I want to. It's not me feeling like, oh, I'm donating to them or stuff like that.

No, I want them. I feel happy that I tip that to them and now they're happy. Like it's, I need to find that formula for everybody and that's, it's a weird, it's a weird area where you have to, you know, look at video game podcasts and then porn podcasts and somehow put them together with podcasting. And I don't know, it's interesting to me. It's been a tremendous fucking journey, this podcast thing.

And Lee asked about, you know, this is the first time Lee came down for the weekend and we had some time to just chat. We, you know, we talked about comedy with James in the green room and we. That was really cool. And we spoke about just the future and what he thought and what we've learned, you know, the marketing, like in the four years I've been doing a podcast, I got my degree in fucking marketing. Like this is, this is it.

We're real. We're fucking college educated podcasters. That's it. This is four years. This is what they, and this isn't getting logic or learning theory. This is hands down doing it. Things blowing up, cameras fucking up, you know, this has been great. This has been a great journey.

And like I said, I never, when I did this, as you know, I was, I was ready to start selling cars. I just wanted to do this as a shot. Let's see what we got. This is great. You could talk for two hours, three hours. And then, like I said, the fuck goes started making money. Corolla, you know, and I was fucking that was, that was the beginning of the end

for everybody. Everybody got greedy. Everybody was saying, well, this guy's making this, this guy's making this. So who the fuck doesn't want to make money to do this? You know, and again, you know, we've had sponsors contact us and stuff. I like the sponsors we have. Two or three of them are just independent people that we've had on our own to wrestle them through a company, two of them are through a company.

We don't even want the company once. They're the biggest fucking pain in the ass. So we just had somebody give us a ton of loot, but it was two hours of work afterward that they don't need. It's all bullshit. It's just they're paying you. So they want you to do it just so they have URLs and all that. It's like, I don't need to be here for two hours after the podcast is over to send you.

I don't want the podcast to sound like a billboard. You know, I don't mind helping some people out. So to me, I'm mid-range still. If I didn't have Lee, I wouldn't want money involved in this thing. It'd be like, open the mics for me if I didn't have Lee. If I knew how to do this and Lee fucking want to open up his own podcast or I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't care about sponsors. I just do what I'm doing now and I'd be happy without the fucking bureaucracy and the bullshit.

And the checks being laid and they wrote it to my fucking the name of the podcast last month. We've been doing business for two years. They wrote the checks to the name of the podcast last, you know, shit like that. So yeah, I keep on getting the, uh, my name's not really red band. It's Rykel. And then when they book my flights, they put under red band. I'm going, you know, here's my passport. I know it says a totally different last name.

It's such a pain in the ass where they write you a check for with red bands. Like, how am I going to cash that? Red bands are a fake name. Yeah. It's annoying, right? At least they're writing your fucking checks. My brother, what do you think, cocksucker? Okay.

And then the Saturday he's going to sit there thinking about the turtles tonight. What episode are you going to watch? And then you got pistachio fucking jello. So you're going to watch it. Oh, what's pistachio jello? Oh, it's delicious. It's great. Pistachio jello.

First time I tasted pistachio pudding. Pudding. It was in prison. It was fucking delicious with little pistachios in it. Sometimes they got, now you don't have to frozen yoga chops. They got them. Yeah. I get the pistachio ice cream.

I love it when it's green and some places have it. Baskin Robbins. Baskin Robbins, yeah. It's the only place I really have. Let's give them a sponsor. Get the fuck out of here as usual for optimum optimization. What is it, Lee? Optimum optimization.

Optimum optimization. You know where the fucking party starts. On it, bitches. The best products out there, if you want to fucking make it happen. It starts with alpha brain. Money back guarantee. They don't even want the fucking product. Look at that bicep right there.

You're kidding me. That's straight up fucking shroom tech sport and shroom tech immune. I mean, listen, I was on that way. I'm waiting for a shipment now of the tea stuff. I'm waiting for the coconut oil to put in my smoothies. I'm waiting for some more protein to start making some nice two scoops. 32 grams of protein. Your body can only burn fucking 30 at one shot.

Why am I drinking 82 grams of protein? On it has some sensational stuff. And if you know anything about Aubrey, this guy is top notch. He's fucking going in jungles, taking acid. He's doing it all to bring you the best fucking products. All right. Go to onit.com. Go to the webpage.

Onit.com. They got the supplement page. They got the nutrients page. See what the fuck you like. I can't help you with battle ropes and accessories, but I can help you with the nutrients. Go to the box and press in. Church.

Get 10% off your first order. And if you like it, get on the stay on it program where they send them to your house every month on the first of the month. All right. Now that we're talking fucking apples and oranges, let's get down with basics. Iron Dragon TV.

You're sitting there at home. There ain't nothing on TV tonight. What the fuck are you going to do? Sit there like a jamal. Tell you what you're going to do. You're going to start watching fucking classic kung fu films. Go to Iron Dragon TV right now. They have a tremendous selection of classic films.

They got onit tutorials. They got Joe Rogan talking about kettle bells and fucking the Egyptians. They got everything on there. What's this called? This sounds awesome. Iron Dragon TV. Go to Iron Dragon TV right now and press in.

Joey. Boom. And get two free rentals on the fucking arm to get your party started. Mope around. They got great titles. Hitman. They got the Hitman series.

They got everybody on there. Taichi Hero. Taichi Hero. And they got new titles. And like Lee said in the beginning of the podcast, the innovators and 4K technology. So all their movies are going to be fucking crisp. Go to Iron Dragon TV right now and press in.

Joey. Boom. And get two free movies. You're saying, Joey, I got movies. And I got supplements. What have you done for me lately? This is what I've done for you lately, cocksucker. Let's say you got some wax.

Taichi, talk to him like that. Shut up, bitch. Let's say you got some wax. You got a ball of heroin you want to burn. Go to nailthelife.com. They got a crack of lack on over there. The best vapor pen on the fucking market. And today only you get 20% off delivered to your house.

Go to nailthelife.com for all your dad's surprise. The stick to put the fucking grenade on the thing. The cleaner. Go right now to nailthelife.com. Look at the selection they got. And if you go with the vapor pen, we're going to give you 20% off. What are they pressing the box? Joey, dude.

Boom. 20% off delivered right through your fucking house. That's how we roll. And you're going, Joey, but I got no cigarettes. You don't need no fucking cigarettes, bitch. This is what you need. Hitty Sigs. Guaranteed 1200 pups.

Whether you got the cigar or the cigarette from 24 milligrams to zero. That's how they roll backwards like the ape. You understand me? Remember the fucking ape he turned into a man? That's what happens. Go to hittysigs.com right now. Look at the selection.

Look at the flavors they got. Take a look at this fucking cigar. It tastes like I'm in Cuba right now. Just sitting there getting fucking sun on my face. That's how I roll. It's Yosem. Go to hittysigs.com right now and press in. Joey's church.

Boom. Joey's church and get what, Lee? 20% off. 20 motherfucking percent off. So I got you 20% off on hittysigs. 20% off on Nailed It Life. I got you two free movies, Marine Dragon TV, and I got you 10% on it.

Are you fucking kidding me? It's not even Passover, but I'm giving you percentages off. That's how I roll. Cocksuckers. Passover just ended. I know, please. That's what I'm saying. Cocksuckers.

It's not even Passover. Thank you, Red Man, for coming on. Thank you. One of the forefathers of podcasting. It's a shame. I hope you get it together and just tell these motherfuckers up front you got to sign a contract and that's it.

And then if you leave, you got to say, you're like a sprint. You want 250 on the way out. I'll be good. The bigger thing is that just getting everything focused and taking a little break. And that's what I just did. So I'll get it back.

You're going to be in Vancouver next Monday at 420 like a motherfucker. 420, yeah. We're going to be with Tony Hinscliffe. We are their last 420. They have this huge 420 festival where there's kids are throwing out weed and people are like cops just like once a year go.

Okay. Everyone can just smoke and sell weed right here. And it's like a humongous party. And then at night, we do a comedy show right down the street. So it's going to be great. It's going to be better than you do. Just go to dusquad.tv.

Click on tour dates. That's why I love you and shit. Me, I'm going to be in Houston, Texas, Friday and Saturday, four shows. I don't know, 739. I don't know what fucking time. Call down there, 713-333-8800 or something like that. I'll go on the webpage, get fucking tickets.

And next week, I'm at the Tempe Improv in Tempe, Arizona. So don't forget about me, bitches. All right, I love you guys. Stay black. See you Tuesday. We'll be here with an all new fucking tremendous podcast for you. Thank you.

Later. What, late? What are you looking at me all week for? What's up? Were they real earthquakes? Yes. Oh, and I have a new flange radio coming out this week. On Wednesday.

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Use code wordjoey's church to get 20% off your order. And for all the oil and wax smokers out there, go to nailthelife.com. And use code wordjoeydias to get 20% off. Check you down again. I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell.

I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell.

I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell. I know a secret that I just can't tell. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh my God, come what we gonna tell Share a little bit of your real self Keep your mouth shut and that's what we're gonna do Yes, you want to wind up in the western wild to love Not no secret down in number times, come in No secret down in number times, come in No secret down in number times, come in No secret down in number times, come in No secret down in number times, come in No for the bodies, no for the bodies In the western world, oh yeah

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