Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #279 - Nate Boyer, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: May 5, 2015

Nate Boyer, Former Green Beret and Recently signed a deal to play for the Seattle Seahawks, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Gin and Juice - Snoop Dogg I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Black MAgic Woman - Santna Recorded on 05/04/2015

This show is brought to you by onit.com. Go to onit.com and use codeword church to get 10% off of all the great optimization products like AlphaBrain, New Mood, ShroomTechMune, ShroomTechSport. Use codeword church to get 10% off. Show is also brought to you by irondragontv.com. Iron Dragon TV is a Roku channel with all of your favorite martial arts movies. They're the leader in 4K technology and pretty soon you're going to be able to stream them on your Android tablets.

When you go to irondragontv.com, use codeword joey to get 2 free rentals. Also go to hitesigs.com. That's hit letter e-sigs.com, better tasting, longer lasting, the proof is in the vape. They have e-cigarettes and e-cigars for you in different levels of nicotine if you're looking to quit smoking and they also have different flavors of the e-cigs. Use codeword joey's church to get 20% off of your order and for all the oil and wax smokers out there. Go to naileditlife.com for the premiere vapor print on the market and they are also the

purveyors of Los Gumis Hermanos. If you're in California for amazing gummies, go to naileditlife.com and Los Gumis Hermanos. It's codeword joey Diaz to get 20% off the vapor print. Oh shit, bust out that motherfuckin' bondage, that's as loud as it goes, what happened, that's as loud as it goes. No, I'm trying to, so they can still hear you, look at that fucking thing up, oh, what? Six in the morning. Are you fucking kidding me or what?

Stop it, you bad motherfuckers. Like I said, it's the beginning of the week, it's night time, what are you gonna do? You know what I'm saying, at least I'm out of here, we're waiting for our guests, he's running a little late, but fuck it, we're still gonna take it to the hoop. Were you excited because of Star Wars? Yeah, oh yeah, can't you see me jumping up and down, I'll give a fuck about you. I know what you did all day, you are a Star Wars little bit. I was telling you what I was watching, telling you when I left the goddamn house, I was

watching that Nirvana Kurt Cobain documentary, it's on HBO, and I think it's on HBO Go, but it's on again tonight at nine, I was taping it from the beginning, I watched like 35 minutes of it and my wife was watching, the baby was in the room, she was watching some TV on her thing laying back, you know, and my wife and I were watching, I was getting ready for the podcast and my wife said to me that she had never seen two people more consumed in drugs, she was getting high when she was pregnant with that kid, whatever she was doing, heroin and they were showing all this shit, and it's funny because I was sitting there thinking of myself, you know, I looked at my wife and I go, I don't know if you knew this, I was

just as consumed in 2006 and five and four, and she goes, well how do you mean? And I go, there's people who do, you know, who are hobbyists, they get high on Fridays, there's people who do drugs who might get high on Thursday and Sunday, and then you have people who are hobbyists, you know, there are people who are hobbyists, they don't know what they're getting themselves into yet, and then you have people that it surrounds their thought, you know, I don't know how I made it forward in comedy because cocaine was always surrounding my thoughts, cocaine and comedy were always neck and neck, you know, I woke up thinking about where I was going to do a spot tonight and what jokes

I was going to say, but in the same way I was thinking about where I was going to get 60 bucks for a gram of coke. Well, don't you think it held you back? Absolutely, fucking absolutely. Absolutely, it held me back, but think of it, I mean, there's a lot of people who get high and can't even fucking walk around, I was still making progress, I was still making forward steps in many directions, just to stick it out. And Kurt Cobain was one of the biggest rock stars ever, so if he wasn't on it, maybe you

would have been even, like I'm just saying. Well, it's the funniest thing, when he got into it, he wasn't that much into heroin, that's what the ladies were saying, that he was, that he got into the heroin after everything came, you know, the handling of it, how to handle, or I mean, they were fucking huge, you know, somebody told me 10 years ago that, and I got pissed off and I was wrong for getting pissed off, I don't know who it was, I can't don't argue with somebody because they said that Nirvana was as influential as the Beatles were, and I was like, are you fucking crazy? And I think I called him an asshole or something like that, and I went home and thought about

it and I was wrong, you know, the only difference was that Nirvana did the same as the Beatles in a shorter amount of time, they really changed everything, everything died like that, heavy metal died up to that point, that sound, and then that whole sound got consumed, I mean from Allison Chains to Soundgarden to fucking, to, you know, Hair of the Dog, whatever that band they put together, to whatever, Pearl Jam. How long were they around? This thing started in 92 probably, with them, it started in 92 or 91, you heard, you know, Mother Love Bones and the shit like that, and you were like, damn, damn, this ain't

fucking bad. Okay. But I still remember clearly, like I was all in, I was all in, I think never mind, I don't know what album I was in, but once I heard Bad Motorfinger, I was fucking in, once I heard the first Pearl Jam, I was pretty impressed, I was like, damn, I didn't hate any of it, like I understood it was a time for a change, but once I was all in, once Soundgarden, Super Unknown came out in the fall in the spring of 95, I think. Okay.

Maybe 94, I couldn't be wrong, I was all in. You're probably right, you're probably right. No, then I moved to Seattle, and like I was telling Terry, I don't want you to think I lived in Seattle because I was cool and hip. I just moved to Seattle because I heard there was a great comedy scene up there, and it was something different. I was a fan of the Seattle SuperStyle when I was a kid, like I liked the, when they went to the championship in 77 or 75 or whatever.

So something about Seattle, I just always liked, you know, and I had an allure to me. So when I went up there, the music was just a cherry, you know, on the Sunday, can I go to see a lot of live music? I'm not going to lie to you, maybe a year and a half, I went to see three live bands. I had a great time, it's not my cup of tea, you know. You were only there for a year and a half? I was only in Seattle, 18 months, maybe 20 months. I was jam-packed 18 months.

Yeah, I wasn't jam-packed 18 months. A lot of comedy, man, but beans, like I met these two lesbians that lived in Josh Wolf's building, I lived in the building. I'll bring Josh on and talk about them. They were two hot, hot, hot girls. One of their parents had money and these girls basically got heroin, stayed in, got high and ate each other's pussy. And they were hot as shit.

And I became friends with them because they were pot smokers. So I became friends with them. I never disrespected them. I always spoke to them the right way. And one night they asked me if I had ever gotten high on heroin. I said yes, and they were telling me how they didn't take showers with soap because it would unclog their pores and you want your pores to stay clogged so the perspiration doesn't come out of it.

So the heroin always is in your system. So when you eat chocolate or something, it activates it. Just a different world. You never did it with a needle, right? No, I did not. No, I did not. I don't think I could. I would have died.

I think I would have died if I was to shoot heroin with a needle and have to pull out the blood and shoot it back into your vein. That's too much for me. Just that little spurt of pain I would have fucking passed out. Did you see my arm from last week? No. It was still a little black and blue. It still is, I think.

Does it still? No, I went away. Oh, no, no. There it is. You see it? Do you see the arm? Do you see it, Lee? Oh, yeah.

Oh, Jesus, yeah. It's still, I mean, that little pain, like, and it wasn't, that wasn't a blood test. That was the stress test the day afterward because they put a needle in, they put like a little catheter in or something, like a, in your arm and they shoot ink and they shoot ink. So they can see everything or something? Yeah. It's like an intravenous thing and then they just shoot ink into it without the intravenous

and then later on when I was in the stress test, they actually shot this, this type of speed. It's not really speed. I'm sorry. Adrenaline. It's like an adrenaline into your veins to see if they can raise your heart rate up to 170 or 180 or whatever the fuck. Jesus.

They wanted to get it up to, so that left the bruise. That little, I'm surprised I didn't pass out on that fucking, I am very in shock. I did not pass out on the elliptical, not the elliptical, the treadmill they had me on. Yeah. 170 is high. I mean, I know that's kind of around where you're supposed to be for fat burning, but I'm usually around like 140, 150 on the elliptical.

It's something that they had to push a little bit because they want to see where your heart could go to us. It, it determines your age or something. I didn't, I didn't ask them for the equation. She was just explaining it to me that it's something to do with your age times two. And how do you, do you get the results yet? No, but he hasn't called me in, so I don't look like I'm dying any fucking day soon unless I eat like 10 pizza pies fucking.

I'm kind of nervous. I have my first doctor's appointment in like four years next week. What are you doing? Nothing. I just, I haven't had a physical. Something moved out here. You doing a physical? Yeah.

I mean, I'm paying for insurance. I might as well use it. Where at? Um, this place in North Hollywood. I don't know. I paid 300 a month for insurance and then a lot of people still think it's like Obamacare or something. So I don't know.

You're going to laugh, but I was on my insurance and then I just started Googling names and they have yelp for doctors. So this guy got a bunch of good reviews. So I'm going to him and see what happens. Okay. God bless you. Not going to stick a thing up. You're asking to do some lab work.

Yeah. I don't know. Good for you. That's good. Lee. I mean, I'm not, you're going to see your numbers. Yeah. You're at your 26.

You might come back and say, dog, you got no cholesterol, no fucking problems. But if he comes back now, you know what you got to work on, you know? Yeah. No, and I don't think anything is going to be wrong. Um, but I don't know. I've never really liked a doctor and I don't, I probably won't get a needle, but, uh, it's just, it's after four years, it's like kind of grown into something. So I just need to go.

I didn't go to the doctor from this is fucking crazy. I probably didn't go to the doctor from like 1982 to like 2000 when I started dating Terry. Terry made me go to the doctor. Wow. She had to fucking drive me. I was, I was, my legs were wobbling for the sleep happening. When my legs were wobbling, like I was scared and they told me there's no needles involved. I'd have to do a sleep apnea test and the doctor told me what to do.

Yeah. It was great. I had like embarrassment about the way it's, oh, when I walked in there, you know, you know, they see different people every day, listen, but you want a doctor that's honest with you. Okay. You don't want a doctor that can decode it. Right.

The reason why I go to Dr. Solomon is because he was honest with me. The reason why I go to fucking wax this because he's honest with me, you know, they, they, the reason, you know, it was very, uh, I watch a lot of personal trainers when I go to different gyms and should I, my hobby is to watch personal trainers and how they help people and if they're even helping people, you know, and, uh, the guy where he gets that, the guy that, uh, teaches the, uh, systema, this Russian stuff. Okay. The English guy, he's a great guy, but I liked them right off the bat when I was working out

down there because one day him and I were talking systema is an art built around breathing. It's like a Russian thing created by monks and they didn't know how to heal themselves. So they started breathing. Just breathing. So systema is a martial art that's very breathing control. Like kung fu or like, what is that thing where they do in the park? Uh, Tai Chi. This is no, this is, uh, when they, they do different things for energy.

So when they drop to the floor, they blow out their energy. They get up by breathing. So everything is controlled by their breathing and a lot of movements is very interesting. I remember talking to them and then when, yeah, maybe I'll take a private, you can talk about breathing. It was for starters. I got, let's not fuck around here. You got to lose some major league weight.

Somebody else wouldn't say that a personal trainer and somebody else would take that wrong. I liked them after that because he didn't tell me, oh no, no, no, let's just do this three times at $4,000 and you'll breathe more. Did it hurt your feelings all the time at all? Not at all. I liked them even more. I liked the, I like a person more when they're frank with you.

You don't want somebody to candy coat your fucking health. Right. You know, you don't want somebody to candy coat you when you're, I'm, I'm trying to learn jiu-jitsu. I don't want somebody to tell me, oh, that's a great move. I know I'm trying, you know, right? Uh, when I went to Dave, when I worked out with Dave at Kettlebells, he always said something.

He goes, listen, my Kettlebell classes are easy because we're going to see if you can do it. If you can't do it, we'll use the word that you can't do it today and then we'll break that move down and we'll attack the move where you're weak and then you'll be doing the move in a month or so, you know, which is always very interesting, especially it's the guys that make you do shit that you come back fucking super sore and you don't see no progress. Are you not going to do nothing for the guy?

The guy's not going to come back to you in 10 days. Why is he giving you 95 hours to walk around fucking sore? Right. Yeah. That's, uh, I think that's you, you were joking around the moment I came in, but I think maybe once I've lifted weights at the gym since I've been going since June. And it's just the doctors, the perfect example of it. Whenever I have to do something like that, I procrastinate and I get in my head about

it. So in, I could, I mean, yeah, I like the elliptical and yeah, it's just, but it's at some point I just, I don't know if it's fear or what it is, but I just, I don't know what I'm doing with weights and I know what I'm doing with the elliptical. Well, like I told you, listen, you're a smart guy. You know, and the, the thing that you guys have that I didn't have this generation has is you have access to the computer. Everything is on there.

We can have a discussion right now about the topic and when you go home, you could get a cup of coffee, get a joint, get your box of shorts on and you go online with a notebook and write everything you needed to do. Right. Little by little, beginning weightlifting, you know, read a couple of different websites and then you take little things from four different websites and you create your own little thing. Well, that's the problem.

And not exactly with this, but this is the problem I have. Sorry, your stream keeps dying. This is the problem I have with basically everything on the internet, even when I was trying to just do a diet. If you read 10 articles, there's going to, they're going to tell you 10 different ways and they're going to say every other way is wrong. So for someone who doesn't know anything, it's like, oh, well, what am I supposed to do then?

Well, go to three articles. Don't confuse. You know, we have, sometimes we think ourselves out of a decision. That's all I do. That's all people. That's not just you. It's many Americans. And I learned that when I was selling cars, I'd say all bullshit aside.

What are you looking to do? And they'd start rattling off, you know, pop up, pop up, and I go, listen, first of all, you know, I want you to look for a car for your needs. What are your fucking needs? Well, my needs are, I'm really not making a lot of money and I got to keep my payment at 140. Okay. So we got that need.

Okay. So what else do you need this car for? I need to go from here to there, point A to B. It's not much 22 miles a day. I got your needs, you know, sorry about that, people, allergies in California are to a fucking uptown. They're just off the charts. Oh, really? I don't get it.

I just bumped into a lady. I get it. I'm walking her dog and she said, hello. And she goes, what's the matter? Why is your right leaking? I go, allergy. She goes, please. I'm going to the bills.

I'm not kidding. People, allergy. God, I'm sorry. All time fucking high the last two or three weeks, but it's, it's tough, especially when you're buying a car because like, let's say you say, I need my payment to be at 140 and the first thing I come back with is 180 because they know you're bullshitting. They know your line as a consumer. You're trying to rob them too.

Right. You know, yeah. I actually had a fucked up sort of thing happen on Thursday and it's kind of embarrassing, but I don't know. This is kind of what the podcast is about. So when I moved into my place, the electricity was just on and I tried to switch my, my account online and I just never did it and it wouldn't work. So I, and I never went down to the office and I worried about it for like almost the

entire year that I was there. And then I actually lied to you and I felt bad about it, which is why I want to talk about it. On Thursday, when I got back, I was helping Paul out. My power was off. I never experienced that before. It's fucking terrible. And I didn't have AC.

So I actually, I came here and I just hung out here, I did some work and then I went home to go to bed. I almost, I almost slept here, but I didn't want to get, I didn't want to get someone to get here early and hear me. But I went down to the office the next day and I was really worried about it. I actually got paranoid because she took my license and she went to go take a photocopy and like a cop came down from the back. So I thought she was calling.

I thought I was going to get arrested for not paying an electric bill. And they came back and it was like 700 bucks and it wasn't, I didn't, I don't want to pay that much right now, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. And I kind of wish I had just paid it. Like I just called them because like, yeah, I called them and they don't answer. Like I, I get, I gave up on it, but not having power for that one night was fucking terrible. And I thought, I thought I was going to have to do it for a whole weekend. I thought I was going to have to do it for a whole weekend.

That would have sucked. But no, they turned it on that day, but I was there. You have to look at your room and say to yourself, what would I do with our power here? What's going to happen after an earthquake and you have no power for four days? It gets hot really quick. And then I felt like I've, I felt terrible. Like I, when I got there, the woman in line next to me, like I was literally first in line. The woman behind me literally said she didn't have power for 30 days and they won't take

a plan and they're just, they just want all of it. And she doesn't, she hasn't got paid for like three months or something. And it's a, I've always really, I grew up in a very white town, a very like an affluent town, but I purposely worked in like more working class towns. Like when I was in line, four or five people came up and talked to me. One guy, he just thought like I, I'm making enough money to pay my electric bill. He just thought I was broke. And he's like, he was giving me numbers to like a place that will help you pay your

bill and that, and I was just like, people are like, that's like the last place I wanted to be. But I met some like really, like they were just like genuinely nice to me, but it was like, it was fucked up. Like not having power and I felt bad about myself for a little bit, but then I paid it. They turned it back on. So it was only like one night, but look at, and you went back and slept in the dark like

a mook. Oh yeah. What else am I going to do right there on the couch? There's people here all the time. They live here too. You think so? I know. These people are fucking creepy people.

Oh, okay. I came about two weeks ago one night and they were fucking people here. You said you came on a Sunday and you smell weed. Oh yeah. They're always here. They're here. I hear TVs and shit and cannons and people taking baths with buckets. These people are fucking animals.

But it was just, it was crazy. Listen man, there's no shame in fucking making a mistake and getting your shit turned off. I fucking lived without a shower curtain for a summer. Every time I take a shower, the kitchen, the bathroom look like fucking Titanic was in there floating. You know, who does these things? That's what it is to be young, you know? You go through different fucking phases in your life.

And I'll never do it again. Oh no. You'll never fucking do it again. It's horrible. Think of it what happened in August and it was 100 degrees out. You know, it's just a horrible, helpless feeling. Yeah. That's exactly what it was.

Helpless. You know, and people go through it all the time, man. They're in between paychecks and they lose electricity for two days. It's time to use those fucking candles. Yeah, I've never had my cell phone turned off because I haven't had Paula for the last few weeks. She's just been studying. So, every once in a while, I'll get high or even if I'm not high, I'll just go on Twitter

and start talking to people. People who don't haven't had jobs for months and it's just crazy to me. I've never been that broke and it's scary to think how you can imagine, yeah. I've been very broke. I've woken up broke. I've gone to bed broke. You know, I was broke for a long fucking time, man. I was thinking about my 21st birthday, how I robbed a Chinese restaurant on my 21st

birthday. Like I was by myself. No, I'm sorry. It was my 22nd birthday. I was by myself and I robbed a Chinese restaurant. Who did you rob? Like the cash register? You just ate and left?

I robbed the cash register. I didn't fucking have a gun or anything, you know, to use, you know, who does something like that? That's an animal. It's a terrible birthday. I have to laugh at it now. You know? You think I like telling those stories?

I mean, I lived in an office half the size of this in Seattle. You think I like telling that story? You think I like even thinking about having to get up and shit out the window and piss out the window and fucking the clean people coming in the middle of the night. I'd be in there all coped up and I'd turn the lights off and lock both locks and shit and they'd try to be getting into vacuum in the office and empty the trash. Are you fucking kidding me? I'd be on, I didn't even have a couch.

I had a blanket on the floor with a blanket and a fucking pillow that I would sleep on with a desk and my clothes hidden under the desk in boxes like this. So if anybody did come in, I had a 1-800 number because I was selling fucking sports information out of it. You have no idea. This is what I did for comedy, but this is also what I did when I was consumed by the blood. That was part of the consumption.

I dealt with that lifestyle so I could still get high four times a week. Wow. Fuck. If I didn't get high four times a week, that's $200. That's $800 a month. At least. I could have an apartment and food in the refrigerator. I said, fuck it.

I'll live in a corner so I could do my little addiction fucking thing. It's amazing how quickly stuff piles up like bills and there's always something unexpected. The day before I was in my credit card bills, I was like, oh, I've got to do pretty little this month. That's going to be cool. And then it's amazing how hard it must be for people who get in that position to ever work their way out of it. I mean, that must be what happens when people decide to be drug dealers.

Listen, I was completely, I was pretty much broke from 1992 to 2005 when I got the longest yard. All the longest yard did was all the longest yard did was put band-aids on the debt that I had acquired already. Like over the years. Okay. So when I came out of here, I had this chunk of debt, right? Then I got the Taco Bell commercial and I paid like a quarter of it off.

I paid a couple of credit cards that had been bothering me. I paid a couple of creditors off that had been bothering me. I paid a couple of personal loans from people that I owed money to for drugs or people who had helped me out in a bad time. I sent the check and then I apologized and I skipped town. I did whatever bullshit I did. And then from 1999, I was broke. I went on the road with Jody Ferdy.

We did those 10 weeks. This is after I lost all my clothes with Carol. What happened to your clothes? My car got towed with all my clothes and headshots and boxing stuff and tapes and everything I owned got towed in that fucking car. So I went to Miami. I told you people live here and I had to start from fucking scratch. I started from scratch, Lee, 350 a week working as a house emcee.

Miami and prop 350 a week, Tuesday through Sunday. OK, how many shows a fucking Tuesday through Sunday? One, two, three, five, eight, nine shows to 350 fucking dollars for you. People want to know. That's like 30, 40 bucks a show. OK, exactly. They gave me the condo so I would snort half of it. And the other half I would buy clothes at TJ Maxx, one of those dumb places.

What's the other one that sells like pants for eight dollars in a buckle? Ross. The other one, the other one that. Coles, Walmart, I forget. Anyway, that's what I did for my fucking. You know, I just went on the road and I chiseled away money, money, a little bit of money here, a little bit, paying child support. Some months, some months, not paying fucking child support.

I mean, it just did not fucking end. Did it create? I mean, this is kind of a stupid question. But like how much stress do you go through with that? Because I go through a little bit of just here. You ready for this? By that time, I wasn't getting stressed no more. I had given it up in 93.

I knew that you're dead. You're in debt. I'm going to become a comedian. I'm a comedian. Right. This is what I'm going to do. I'm going to become a comedian in 94. I said, all this deck that sucked my dick, there's no debt is prison.

I'm going to start doing comedy. And this is what I'm going to focus on. I don't have a phone number. I have a pager. I don't have a website. They can't find me. So you never got worried about, like, especially the taxes thing, because they put they put Wesley's is it just Wesley snaps made so much money for you

that didn't even care. Right. OK. Listen, when you're making, you know, $10 million, you better pay taxes. OK, but when you're making $8,000 a year, they're not looking for you. You're not going to jail. But you didn't feel like a conflict, like you weren't constantly worried about like it would come up once a day when I got into comedy.

I made a decision in 93. Like in 90, like I told you, I just got my American Express card. Yeah, 20 years. When my American Express card got canceled. Listen, I came from money and then I lost money and then I became nothing. And then I went to college and I started getting loans. So I started getting credit cards sent to me. My biggest job then was to keep those credit cards paid.

I paid those cards before the bill came. Like I'm one of those motherfuckers. I didn't even wait on the bill. If I went out on the one day and I spent $100 on that card by Wednesday, I was sending $150 back. I'm one of those guys. When those cards got taken from me, Lee, I got to be honest here. That was one of the biggest heartaches of my life.

I had 10 credit cards calling me at different places. I go to Rouse and I get a call at Rouse. Joe Diaz, Lionel and Hyde. Hey, this is Joe from Discover. I never got your payment. What? It was that heavily. They were calling me at comedy places. No way.

Yeah, man. They were calling me at my fucking comedy place. My first wife for you don't embarrass. And that is no, I would come in the bartender said, hey, Joe, call for you three times. He left an 800 number. He wants you to call him back tonight. He's going to be there till midnight. You know how fucking embarrassed I would fucking be, guy?

Do you have any idea? And I did that. And then finally I just dropped off the radar and like 94. And my friends were getting letters. Anybody I put down for a loan were getting letters. I was horrible. So I disappeared from 94 basically to. 98 was when I got back on the books with that fucking Taco Bell commercial.

Do you were you were you thinking I'll just hide for the rest of my life? Or are you thinking at some point I'll get my. I knew they were going to come out of their head somewhere. You can't hide forever, especially with computers. I just hope I was prepared by the time they showed up. Right. That was what I was praying for in that time of my life. And I just kept doing comedy, kept doing comedy, kept doing comedy, kept doing comedy.

And then I would get bumps and bruises here and there. Like I was somebody would reach out and they took $80 from your checking account or something and Bank of America. No, at that time I was with the other one Wells Wells Fargo Wells Fargo. Somebody got me for like three thousand bucks, some credit company and stuff. And then from 2000 when I moved in with Terry, the reason why Terry is happy today, the reason why I look at Terry, because when we moved in together, there was two salaries coming in and they weren't even equal to fucking

$30,000 for both of you. Yeah. She was a waitress and I was a fucking comic making $15 a set. Some nights I'd make 60 some nights I make 85, but something pushed me. You know, something kept me alive in the game. A little movie here, a little TV role here. And we just, you know, but we didn't. I didn't make money with Terry till 2000.

We starved together for eight years. It's amazing. Even the money I made from the longest shot got paid out. Wow. When we in 2006, Terry took a loan after 30,000. We were $30,000 in the hole and we paid $650 a month to Bank of America. We come, we consolidated all the credit cards. That was all the debt I had put her in from the cocaine all those years.

Like just, we were just in debt and we took $30,000 alone from Bank of America. We paid in two fucking years at 600 a month or something. We started sending them like fucking triple payments. I would go on the road and just fucking once I stopped doing blow the house started making money. So I stopped doing blow in 2007. The house started making money in 2008, like profiting.

Like we were just sailing each month. We were losing 400 a month probably, you know, borrowing from Peter the paper and then once I stopped doing blow, I went on the road heavy. I booked a couple of movies and we started eating. Okay. The cats and we started buying clothes. You know, I lived off free clothes. I lived off fat daddy, big daddy, you send me clothes and boxes.

It was amazing. Terry used to make $40 a fucking night at the comedy store on the weekends. A hundred, maybe 120, you know, but during the week, we lived off 40 hours. It's amazing you didn't give up because I heard this. I don't know the exact number, but I was some news story they were saying they say unemployment's five percent, but they don't count the like the however many people just stopped looking for work. Like, I don't even know what you do at that point.

And if you can't claim unemployment, what would I do if I gave up? So you're telling me right now, there's no jobs. So here I am as a comic. I'm struggling. What do I do? Try to get a fucking job. No, you keep believing in what the fuck's in your heart. And you know, if you see the people around you starting to snap,

you're like, OK, I came up with Steve Renze, I came up with this guy. They're starting to see some daylight and all of a sudden, little by little, instead of working once a month, you start working twice a month, you know, instead of working twice a month now at booking one TV show every four months. Now you book a TV show every other month. I mean, if you look at my fucking IMDB, I got some work on there. Yeah, they know fucking Joe, I worked for a long time. So I know, listen, man, I know

what it is to be broke from fucking drug abuse. I know it is to be broke just because you have a bad month. That's why what do I say? You got no time to fuck around. Yeah, you know, listen, this life, you got no time to fuck around. That's great. And you see somebody who's doing it, you cheer for them. That's great. Yeah, go have a look at me.

OK, you're going to pay for this and you're going to lose the week's salary. You know, you know, everybody wants to party and be fucking Johnny Rotten, you know, you pay for everything. I think when you're young, I feel you should jump on it. This is what I didn't do. If I could do it all over again, I would have jumped on it. But at the time I'm 29, I would have had a business. Twenty seven, twenty six.

I would have a couple of businesses because it doesn't matter. Even if they fail, if you start three of them, two are going to fail. You're going to get one. Right. Yeah. So that was it. That's your college fucking degree. And you make your own hours and it's easier said than done. But it could be done. People have done it. I really wanted to go see the new Avengers movie this weekend. I really I really wanted to see it.

And I like I tried like two or three times to go. But finally, like the stuff I've started doing is starting to take off. I just couldn't get out. And I was thinking about it last night. I was like, I really like I really wanted to go see. And I saw tons of movies last year looking at my my credit card statement. I don't think I've been to a movie of this year. It's it's crazy making those choices.

It's not choices. You make sacrifices sometimes and you weigh. What am I getting from this compared to? Yeah, we all need entertainment in our lives. And we all need to put something else in your mind beside what's in front of you. But I don't know, as Americans, I think that there's too much party time and there's too much fucking complaining. Like everybody wants to party. I know it's always something, you know, and then when I ask you to work on

Saturday, you cop a fucking attitude. It's like office space. The guy would cop an attitude. But everybody's looking for money, but nobody wants to. It's the same thing that we deal with every fucking day. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to fucking die. You know, right? And everyone like everyone's complaining about the fight that just happened

last week or the end of last week and each guy made over a hundred million dollars. So, I mean, you're contributing to that. Like they were selling hats for five hundred dollars. People were spending thousands of dollars on seats for that ticket. When I was in high school, I got this job at Massback Century Hardware. When I was in high school, there was a job. I quit high school like my senior year.

I said, fuck it. And I got a job boxing stuff for Massback Century Hardware for orders to get shipped. So when Lee's hardware store wanted 22 feet of chain and this, I'd box it. And then there was an opening for night shift. There was seven to four a.m. And I remember thinking, that's crazy. As an 18 year old, I'm going to lose my nightlife. So guess what I did?

I took the job just to prepare me for the future. Just to prepare me to let me know that I wasn't missing anything. You know, and there's times I would work on a Thursday and my friends are going, what are you going to do tonight? We got an eight ball. We're going down the ladies night. There's who is it down there? They're going to suck your dick.

And I go to Massback Century. And I'd wake up the next one, I call those guys and they'd tell me how they were hungover and how much of a great time they had. And the next night I'd see him and it was like, we survived. Nothing happened. So then as a discipline, I started staying at nights. Even on the nights I didn't work as a discipline, like as a fucking discipline. I'd just stay in on a Friday night to prove a point and it would drive my friends crazy.

They didn't believe me. Where were you last night? Stayed in. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. You were out doing blows. Somebody saw you in the city at four in the morning. Lee, I swear to God, I was in bed at 11 o'clock, stoned to the girls. Oh, sometimes I'm not lying to you.

I would get a grandma blowing, stay home, stay up till four in the morning, jerking off and calling people and breathing heavy on the phone and shit. And I did that too. I ain't going to bullshit you, man. I did that plenty of fucking times too. It would drive my friends crazy. They could not fathom the idea that I would stay in. And then once I moved to Aspen, I'd stayed in all the time on Friday night

to watch TV with Jimmy Berke. We just get stoned. So the nightlife, I eliminated out of my life just to prove to myself I wasn't missing nothing, you know what I'm saying? Just to prove to myself I wasn't missing nothing. Both times I left Colorado in 83. I can't look in the eye and tell you I didn't miss my fucking friends and went and snorting coke and going to the city and going to see side

heights and going down the show. I fucking missed it like hell, but I knew I wasn't going to get nowhere doing that. I didn't know why I thought early age as much as I missed it. I didn't miss, you know, I never miss cocaine. I always did that shit. That was like my thing. If I got to be away from them, I'll least I'll do coke. And that'll keep me fucking together, you know, so I don't know.

I love movies, Lee. I grew up on movies. It's not going to the movies for a guy like me that makes it special for a guy like me that makes it special. It's the movie comes on. It's getting released at a quarter to 12. You get up at eight, you do what you got to do. You make some calls, maybe you go for a run in those days.

I go for like a run and I get back to my house at nine, nine, 30. And I roll a joint. I take a shower and I roll a big fat joint. I get fucking stoned. I roll another one to go and I drive to the Chinese restaurant. I get the one special. Let's say the restaurant opened up at 11. I get that 11 05 and I get the lunch special plus an extra order egg rolls.

And I'd sit there and eat it by myself, Lee. And then I'd walk out to the car and I'd smoke out of the joint. And I'd go to the movie theater and go in by popcorn and some raisin. That's and I'd sit there and fuck. Yeah. And I'd be the first one in the movie theater. You know how much pride you have to do. I did that for I did that for fucking trading places. I did that for the evil that men do with Charles Bronson in 82.

I did that for a trading play. I did that for the other one. Eddie Murphy did with Nick Nolte 48 hours. I did that. You know what the best celebration I ever had for what good fellas? When good fellas came out, I was in a fucking halfway house. I was in a fucking halfway house and I didn't give a fuck. I did the same thing.

I went, I smoked two joints and I went to see good fellas by myself. Is it scary high? What good fellas? Yeah. No, it's sensational. You just fucking sit there and enjoy everything. But that's not the point. The point was, it was an event for me. You know, the last time I did that was no 17, 18, 19 years ago, just to just want to wait.

So nobody appreciates the movies more than your uncle fucking Joey. You know what I'm saying? Throw in, I want to be around and go downstairs and open the door for this fucking dude. Monday, cocksuckers, light a candle for the fucking dead people in your life. Well, no, you're thinking of those fucking spirits. They're surrounding you, cocksuckers. Nate, let's do this shit and hurry up. So I want to be around with how high you are, you fuck.

You should be ashamed of yourself. Don't forget, cocksuckers, this weekend, Ram Rappers, Michigan. Then I got the week off in Memorial Day, Las Vegas. Are you kidding me or what? Old time podcast, Lee and I started off a little bit. And then we have a guest tonight, Nate Moyer. Uh, Reem Barre, motherfucking, got drafted by the Seattle Seahawks on Sunday, Saturday. He's none of the strictest three agents.

So, you know, I'm on the show to talk some shit with us tonight and by these days in the fucking army and all the shit that goes with it. You know what I'm saying? Nate Moyer, have a seat, my brother. What's happening? Look at him with his fucking long horned pants on and shit. We're ready to throw down here and shit. What's happening, buddy?

Put the earphones on. I'm sorry, put the earphones on and stay close to the mic. Don't worry, they don't have earwax in them. We just had a crack over here. There we go. There you go. What's up, my brother? Oh, man, thank you very much. I'm no, no, no, no, no.

It worked out just fine. When I'm mad at you and nothing like that. I pulled into Unbreakable last week to work out with Dave. I'm looking at you on the sky. It looks familiar, but I, you know, I see so many fucking different people there. I didn't know if it was the movies. I didn't know it was football. I didn't know what the fuck it was.

Then when I go in, French Dave pulls me aside and he breaks it down. I'm like, oh, all right, Dave. And then I went home. I think I told my man, Lee, did you meet Nate Moyer? I didn't. Yeah. So this is like one of the best fucking stories I've heard no long. God damn time. Appreciate it. This is one of the best fucking stories ever.

It's not a story to me. You know, it's just my life. It's just I mean, who would have fucking thought that, you know, I mean, I tried to read some stuff on you. It was just bullshit. You know, what I read, it was like two people did a publicity thing. But then I just started thinking about the things you did. You you weren't after it says you tried to be an actor.

For a little bit. Yeah, yeah, I came out here, you know, I'm from a I'm from a long line of lawyers that aspire to do some some different things. You know, my grandfather is from the Northwest, actually. He's from near Seattle area, which is kind of ironic, because that's where I'm heading in a couple of days here. But I'm kind of set off on his own. And he used to just kind of jump on trains and backpack around

and sort of like a vagabond for a while. You know, and then he ended up being a successful businessman. And then my father, you know, he after college, he didn't know exactly what to do. So he went and tried to raise oysters in the Bay Area. You know, he ended up being a racehorse veterinarian. And so then, you know, I get out of high school and I'm like, you know, I don't know, I just had this adventurous spirit or whatever.

And so, yeah, it's just led me all kinds of just crazy places. But I just want to I love attacking things, you know, I mean, it's just like, you know, we do in the gym, you know, you get in there and it's like all business and you just get after it. And so that's just sort of how my personality is, you know. Now, in high school, what do you want to be? You're sitting here in high school. Now, let's get this straight.

You did not play high school football. No, no, I didn't have a team at your high school. Right. Yeah. So what did you plan high school? I played baseball and basketball. So when these other mooks from your neighborhood were playing football, what were you doing? What were you talking about?

Well, my school didn't have a team. Right. But some of the other some of the other. Right. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. The other ones that I mean, in the Bay Area, it was a little. So when I went to I went to school and take a college in Texas and it's like football is every right football is everything. But there it wasn't so much. So I actually at my high school, so I went to two different heights.

The first one I was at, we actually had a football team, but basketball was a sport. So what everybody did, you know, football was cool, but our basketball team was really good. And our basketball coaches were kind of like discouraging doing both just because the seasons ran into each other. So but I always looked at the football team and, you know, I looked up to those dudes because you get to run into people,

you know, and it's a physical game and it looked like fun. You know what I mean? And I'm not the most athletic dude. I can't dunk, you know what I mean? I'm a good shooter, but football probably made more sense to me at the time there. But, you know, I wanted to play with what was the best sport at our school. And so I just, you know, stopped with basketball. But yeah, just I regretted it.

I regretted never playing, you know, I just ate at me. It was something, you know, I mean, you aspire to do great things, you know, if you would have never, you know, went into the entertainment business at all, you know, you had that heart. But I'm sure there was a time I wanted to try it. I wanted to try it. I'm sure there was a time in your life. The whole thing is when you have that little thought, the light bulb goes off.

Right. And you're like me or would like the same. We sit there and go, what are the chances that slim to none? But what if I don't try? Exactly. What if I don't try? What if I'm 55 one day in a fucking even if I'm fucking filthy rich? But I didn't try what was put in front of me. I believe that we not talk about this subject last week. The what if. Yeah.

That that was always that always bothered me. That was always the thing that made me go, no, that's it. I'm like, you know, I got up one day and I knew my junior here. I am from America. I'm from New York fucking city. I'm from Hudson County, New Jersey, a stone's throw from New York City. You talk to anybody. Where do you want to live? I want to go to New York City.

That that's 90 percent of the people. And I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there. Right. Might you I would look at the kids around me and what was around me. I go, they're great kids. God bless them. But this isn't for me. I was like you. Right. What's this? What's in Colorado? How come whenever I watch

fucking TV, they always say, Easton time, this and then mountain time. What's these fucking mountains they're talking about? So do you follow me? Oh, thank you. And then I ended up in fucking Denver. Right. I'm a Cuban kid in Denver. Like, oh, my God, what is this shit?

You know, I'm from Jersey where nobody leaves Nate. Right. Nate, they go to Atlantic City and then they go to Miami and that. Oh, we're taking our yearly trip to Atlantic City. It's beautiful. They're closing it because it's a fucking shit hole. Right. But you wear your white shoes. You got to see those Jersey people. So I get when you say you got to get the fuck out of that.

Yeah. So now you're in that way after high school. You're not an athlete at that time. No, it's over after high school. I actually moved to San Diego for a year. OK. I worked on a fishing boat down there and I just had to get outside. You know, I'm right outside and I wanted to. No college in your future at that point. Not yet. I was actually taken.

I took a couple of firefighting classes. I thought that was maybe something I wanted to get into. You know, it was all it was all like I want to work with my hands. I want to be outside. I wanted that adventure. I wanted all that. So, you know, I thought maybe I'll be a firefighter. So I took some classes and it just wasn't for me at the time. You know, so I kind of lied my way onto a fishing boat, you know,

telling them I had all this experience, which I didn't have and just sort of BSed it. And then I loved it, though. You know, I mean, you're out there on the water all day. And, you know, you don't have to think that much, you know what I mean? But it's just it's refreshing, you know? And what did you do, you know, say again, what did you do? I was I was a deckhand. So it was like a charter fishing boat.

We'd go out like a hundred miles out and we're fishing for, you know, these big tuna. And so I'm like, I mean, I'm I'm rigging people's lines up. Then I'm also running out with the big, you know, what a gaff pole is. No. So it's this long like bamboo pole with a big hook at the end. So people bring these huge fish in and the boats, you know, 10, 12 feet off the water, they can't pull it up over.

So you have to, you know, reach that that that rod into the water and then like try to hook the fish under the gills, pull it into the boat. It's pretty cool. And this is what you wanted to do right after high school? Yeah, I mean, I just I didn't even know what I wanted to know. He didn't know what the fuck. He just got in the plane and said he looked. He goes, there's jobs.

Yeah, that's what I did. I looked in the classifieds. There's jobs. We'll find some. I don't know. Today I'll shovel snow tomorrow. Might be an electrician. That's it.

You just lie yourself onto the gig. Fake it to you. Yeah, fake it to your fucking make it. It's it's it's really when you don't have a job after two weeks at a new place and people are cheering for you. And you're like, yeah, I'm going to give it a shot. And your friend's like, you're going to fail. You're going to hate it.

You fucking determine you get whatever the fuck you get. Just to bail you out until something you want to do opens up, you know. But fucking I've got on a fishing boat. What the fuck? Exactly. So I wanted to let that last. I did that for about a year. All right, yeah. And then I came up here.

Yeah. And, you know, I wanted to I won't do a lot of things in this industry, in this business, the film business just was exciting to me because not just the, you know, the glitz and glamour of it, but just the I love I love stories, you know, I love inspirational stories. And and I don't know. It just was I think people in this industry, too, have the capacity to do a lot of good things for the planet.

You know, people people like reveal these guys, you know what I mean? And now more and more, you're seeing these people, these celebrities and film and television, not all of them, but some of them, you know, that have some sort of organization. They're they're pushing forward and they're trying to, you know, do things for the less fortunate. And that's great. So that was kind of exciting to me, you know.

So I came up here and I wanted to go to film school and I wanted to act and do all these things. But, you know, you can't just walk into that. It's a little competitive. And I had no and I was 19 and I had no idea what I wanted to do. I didn't have nothing, man. I had, you know, I came up here like 300 bucks and I started working at a movie theater and living out of my car for a while.

You know, I think a lot of people had that story. I was in a car until we got towed. I was just telling me my apartment got towed. Oh, by the way, my goodness. Yeah. All right, good. Yeah. So so but then, you know, that 9-Eleven happens

and then everything kind of just went from there. Just completely changed, you know, me and what was important to me. And but still that that adventure, that never left, you know. And that was a lot of it. That a lot of it pushed me in that direction. 9-Eleven made you join the Army. Yeah, it did. And I didn't join right away.

I didn't join right away. It was a couple of years after three years actually after. I was way too young. Like I was in seventh grade, 9-Eleven happened. Yeah, but I I'm not the kind of person that would see that and be like, I got to go over there. And that that's that takes like a like a fishing boat kind of person. I guess that's crazy.

Yeah, I mean, I didn't like I said, I didn't go right away because I didn't know where I stood politically about it. You know, you've fed a lot of stuff at that age at 19, at least for me. I was very, you know, easily swayed, I guess. I didn't think about things sometimes. I just if it was interesting to me or somebody, you know, I'll end all these conspiracy theories and all that stuff, you know. And but then I decided to take a trip to I went to the Darfur in Afghanistan.

Or excuse me, Darfur in Africa. Yeah, in Africa, in the Sudan region between Sudan and Chad and did some relief work there for, you know, a couple of months. And that completely changed me, you know, that got me like I gained my patriotism over there because those people, the way they looked at us, you know, and just revered what we stood for as a country. And what did you see that made you just say?

OK, what I saw was it's all women and children. You know, the men are already killed or off fighting. And these children, you know, and women, I mean, the women have been raped. The children are like one of them are missing limbs or maimed and all that. And they're running around outside laughing and playing soccer because they have a ball like one ball, you know what I mean? And then no soccer field, no cleats, no shoes, nothing like that. But they're happy with that little thing, you know, and they came up around me

because this is dude with a big red beard and like a seersucker coat that just has no clue what he's doing, just wants to help out. You know, and they're just like, why would you come here? You know, you live in that place. You live in America, the streets are paved with gold, right? You know, and they see all the movies and stuff like that. And it was just amazing to me. They wouldn't they wouldn't take anything from me.

You know what I mean? They just wanted there was generous. They wanted to just put me up and like hear stories and were so grateful that I would come, you know, to their place. And I had guys asking me, how do I join the American Army? How do I be a soldier in America? Like I want to fight for, you know, people in countries such as ours that they don't have anything like you guys do. You know, I want to be a part of that.

So it just, man, I just became so patriotic in a short period of time, you know, and just so I finally realized how lucky we were. You know, I grew up very comfortable. We didn't always have a ton of money, but my parents were able to provide everything for me. You know, I never there was never really a tight time where it was like I had to worry about anything, you know, whatever I wanted to do. They would help me help me do.

And so it's not like that everywhere, obviously. And yeah, so I came back and like I went straight to the recruiting office and signed up. And did you know you were going to be a green beret? Or you just say I'm right there, right there. I look into it. Did you go online and see what these were? So I started looking at but looking at that as soon as I got back, I was like, what can I do that I still wanted to work with the indigenous people?

You know, I wanted to, you know, to free the excuse me. The day of press only bears the special forces motto, and it means to free the press, you know, so that's what I wanted to do. That was like that just hit me. And, you know, I wanted to work work with these people. I didn't want to just go into, you know, someone's country and not actually understand the situation through the people there. And that's the main thing that special forces does is we're fully embedded with them.

You know, we train with them, we train them, we live with them, and then we go fight missions and go on missions with them. And it's cool to see that side of it when you meet, you know, there are a lot of people in their country that are that want to develop and they want to change and they want to get better and they want to improve their quality of life, you know, and you don't have to. And there's more enough to realize you don't have to, you know, throw away the traditions and religion and all that to do that.

It doesn't mean you need to become an American, you know, you can just adopt some of the values that we have and let us, if we're trying to help you, you know, and so it's great to see that kind of stuff. And so I knew I read a little bit about it. I knew it was a long shot, but I was like, man, I'm just going to go for it. So you where was the recruiting station where you went? That was back in the Bay Area in the Bay Area. And then you got station where for basic?

In Fort Benning, Georgia. OK, that's where you go. If you want to be a. Yeah, in Burra, or if anybody anybody in the anybody in the infantry, it's like it's like infantry school. Yeah, but so you go there for basic and then you go to Airborne School also there. And then, you know, trying out for special forces, then you go to Fort Bragg, North Carolina and start go to selection.

And you got to pass all these steps. You know, it's how long the whole process go about a year and a half. Wow. And then your full green beret and then where they ship you to first. First, I was sent to Okinawa, Japan. That was like my duty station. I had a cousin there. Did you? Yeah, she was in the Air Force. She was at Kadena Air Force base.

Yeah. Yeah. There you go. So, yeah, I was out there. How beautiful is it? It's all it's amazing. It's amazing. It's so first of all, that that base is the smallest. It's the smallest army base in the world, I believe. It's called Tori Station. It's just special forces, battalion and some MPs.

And but yeah, the islands gorgeous. I mean, it's like it's the Hawaii of Japan, I guess, you know, there's a lot of weddings out there and all that stuff. You have to have permission to move there. Somebody has to sponsor you. People live there to that. I know that. Yeah. You just can't move to Okinawa for me to move to Okinawa.

Let's say you decide to stay there after the base there. I have to go through you and you go, yeah, let Joe and you have to sponsor me. It's the place where people live the longest. I think the average is something. Yeah, yeah, diet. They fuck till they're 90. They they suck. They do the thing and they ask this lady, how many boyfriends do you have?

You say, I got two boyfriends. They have bodybuilding competition for the Japanese. They have a sixty five to seventy five year old league. And they will interview in the seventy five or the seventy four year old guy. And he goes, so what happens now? And he goes, well, now I go into the seventy five to eighty five year old league. And those guys are fucking savages. And they showed these guys.

I mean, they're eighty two. Where did you see this? Oh, my God, online. And they have like old man's skin, but no, they get tested. No juice. Right. This is just off the fish, off the island. Right. And then with your guys, you know, and they're still doing crabs and double bangs and, you know, Latin Miss Dorsey. But they have fucking eighty year old skin.

But it looks a lot better than not having it. Right. You know, so I just read I saw something one time on Okinawa and I looked into it and it just looked very interesting to live there. It just looked, I didn't know that army bases and Air Force bases there. So you guys just, yeah, there's a ton of them. It's like covered them. Oh, yeah. There's a, I mean, there's marine bases all in the north part of the island, too. It's a lot ever since World War Two.

We've had a presence there. But yeah, I mean, it's amazing that I mean, I knew they had that long life expectancy. I didn't know about all that. But yeah, they it's got to be all that diet because I mean, they all smoke and drink, you know, no, they all do. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they just live forever. So what do they eat that special fish, fish, fish and vegetables all day long? The rice. But that's something that, you know,

I heard that the Chinese smoke more than we do. And their cancer is less than ours. It's interesting. And they blame half some of it on Tai Chi, some of that, you know, they have different, you know, ways of life. It's the same cigarettes, same like filters, all that stuff too. Interesting. Maybe they even fucking strongly, you know, with Chinese people, they smoke those things to the fucking finger.

So now you get deployed out of Okinawa. So yeah, you can. I was actually I was actually going to I was going to go to the Philippines for like a year. And I really want to go to Iraq and Afghanistan, you know, because that's that's where we are needed most. And that's where I wanted to go to the most austere environment possible, you know what I mean? I wanted to like get after it.

I had all this training. And so right before it's so scary to just think about. It's great, though, man. It's great. But yeah. So I I didn't I was about to go to the Philippines for a year and I was kind of bummed out about that. So I actually tried out for another unit that we can't really name. And I made it into their selection and did some of the training there.

I didn't have any deployments under my belt. So they didn't deploy me with that unit. But what they did was send me back to a special forces team in Colorado Springs that was going to Iraq in like a month. So I kind of just over the course of a couple of months kind of got my way on a deployment, which is actually what I wanted to do. And then, yeah, so Iraq was the first place I went first deployment. How long were you over in that area of the world for?

I was in Iraq for that first time for 10 months. And then you came home for a while. Yeah. So towards the yeah, I came home for a little while. And then I went back out there and towards the end of my last deployment is when I kind of decided I'd been in for five years. And I was like coming up soon with either I reenlist or that I go back to college, you know, finally go to college. And so what I did at that time was

I started applying for schools and I got into Texas. And then when I went back, I stayed in the National Guard. So like while I was at Texas, you know, I would they would deploy me in the summer times while I was playing football and doing all that. And then so I could keep serving, but to go to school. It was kind of a now or never point. You started to go away one week in the month.

No, I would do in the springtime. I would do that. I would do the training in the spring. OK. In the fall, they kind of let me go because of football and stuff like that. And then I would as soon as spring balls over, you know, the way to do it. In college and probably in high school is doing now, too. You know, they got that, you know, you know, spring ball league coaches can't be on the thing. Just no, for us, for us, we could. We could. You know, head coaches or something.

Yeah. The NCAA, you get like 15 spring practices or something. OK, right. 15 of them. And then you get a spring game, you know, you play the offense defense, you know. So after that game, now what fucking Texas like you couldn't go to Auburn. You couldn't go to Jersey City State. You couldn't I could have Buffalo University. You go to fucking Texas. Now, when you how old are you and all this is going on?

Twenty nine. Jesus fucking Christ. Twenty nine year old freshman. I'm twenty five and I'm a Colorado. I did the same thing. I was like, you know what? First off today, and this is something you'll appreciate if if you get married and have a child and your child comes to you when they're 18. They go, I ain't dad.

I don't want to go to college. Are you going to be pissed off? After what you've done in your life. Yeah, I look at my daughter. I have a two year old. I'm fifty fucking two. So it could happen at any time. My wife's forty six. You know, that bullet that that fucking gun's always got bullets.

Don't let them lie to you. Oh, if you eat cake, you know, you're that fucking nut sack is always ready to impregnate some freak. So it really is that nut sack that there's no rest for the wicked. Those not there's nothing good. Those nuts never do nothing good. They never go on humanitarian missions. Your nuts never wake you up to say,

we're going to go feed fucking little kids with fucking nut. No, your nuts only work for one thing to keep you fired up and to shoot fucking loads in people's necks and shit. Fuck it. This is American soldier. We're talking real shitty. Don't make Roger Godot see this. Why become a soldier if you don't want to shoot loads on people? Right or wrong? Right. So sorry, Roger.

Here's why fucking I love your story, right? That so you're dirty fucking years old. You could have gone anywhere. You go to like the best place in the world. You go to Austin, Texas. You know, you're standing on lining barbecue, right? You fucking going out downtown, you're in college. You know, I've been to stand up.

I travel. There ain't no better looking woman in the world than Austin fucking Texas. I mean, I was just there in February. I went there. It's a beautiful place to hear you are in Texas. You know, you walk on. Never play football before. No, are you fucking kidding me?

Did you have to try out? It was that regret thing like we're talking about, right? OK, so when did you get the it's that in and so somewhere in the fucking Sudan jungle, you're sitting there. You know, you know what? This is getting boring for me. You know, I'm going to go to Texas and play football with those savages. I never got bored. I never got. No, no, no. You know what I'm saying?

OK, no, no. So I was coming towards the end of my deployment and it was like, you know, I was like now never moment as far as going to college, you know, I had to go. It was like, you know, I'm yeah, 29. I'm not going to go any later. If I don't go now, I'm never going to go. So it was like, I'm going to go back to school and, you know, I'm going to go to school, especially at UT.

You know, Texas had some of the best like veterans benefits like GI Bill and all that's different from state to state. So I kind of shopped around and found out that Texas was kind of the best. And then, you know, I'm in Iraq and I noticed that you see that Longhorn emblem more than any other logo, really, you know, from on the soldiers, obviously, the dudes are always wearing their, you know, Texas Longhorn hats and shirts and stuff like that. And so it was sort of like the military team, you know, and

so I applied to school, I got in and I was just like, all right, man, I'm going to walk on. I'm going to try out at least and see what happens. And so towards that, you know, before I go, I'm still overseas. And so I started like training out there in the desert, you know, like on base, but, you know, I'm out running routes and trying to look up YouTube videos on how to like, you know, how to backpedal and proper weight training for football and all that stuff. Well, you can just go and try out for like one of those Division One teams.

Yeah. I mean, so typically you have like a typically they want like you're like a high school kid is going to have like film that he sends up and like are they going to get a referral from their coach and, you know, all this stuff for me. I was coming out of the army. I didn't tell them I didn't play, I hadn't played before, but what I did say was, you know, that, you know, I just got off. I just got off, you know, active duty, you know, can I try out?

And they assumed I played in high school. They're just like, oh, yeah, of course. I didn't tell them I was 29 either, you know, and they're just like, oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure. How long were you in the army? And I was like, I was in about five years. So they were probably like, hmm, it's probably about 23, 24, you know. And why not? So they let me work out with the team and I just, you know,

busted my ass 100% on everything 110% and just beat everybody as, you know, as much as I could on every drill, every lift that was doing an extra rep and everything. And so they let me on the team and like the scout team, you know, and then it's only then when they kind of figured out when I'm in the locker room the first day and I'm having to watch the other guys, you know, put their pads on so I can figure out how to do it. So, you know, a little bit of lying there too, like the fishing boat comes back to that. That's how the whole Africa thing happened too, though.

I had to lie. I just flew over there on like a commercial ticket. I wasn't even with an NGO or anything. What? Yeah, yeah. And I just like, I like talk my way on. I'll find a group. Yeah. Yeah, I talk my way on to a UN flight and then flew across to where the refugee camps are and just kind of showed up and then it was like, you know, just sort of talking your way into a job. And, you know, of course, a few people were upset about that, but it's all good. I am very happy right now. I am. I have tears in my eyes talking to you.

Just there's so many things about your life that make me happy. But the number one thing is that you just don't give a fuck. You're a nice guy. You came from a nice house, but for some reason, some in your DNA has the same DNA I have. I just never gave a fuck. Yeah, you can't. It doesn't matter. It doesn't. Nothing matters. Nothing. I was telling somebody today that, you know, uh, when I was young, there was a show called Cheers. I'm 52. It was a call and people watch that show. And all of a sudden they started going to bars and having these bar families.

And, and I remember talking to a friend of mine. I'm like, where are you headed? And I was like, Oh, it's Nick's birthday. And, and, and, you know, one day you stopped going to the bar and you realized that nothing matters. Your life moves on. Why not go for shit? Right. You know, like, I never gave a fuck. I never really did. Once I, you know, those people that come to you and go, I'm thinking of getting married in the spring of 2017. You look at them and go, I feel sorry for you. What's all this fucking planning? Yeah. What are you waiting on?

I don't know. People go, I'm thinking about being 55 and having a kid. What, what, what's the deal? You want to do something? Fucking do it. Thought just makes you, what the psychs yourself out. What does thinking do? We were just talking about that. It kills you. Yeah. It talks you out of it. It talks you, whatever you were going to do out of it. You know, one day I was sitting there, nothing was going on in my life. I walk into a fucking bar and I see a kid that was at the Air Force Academy.

Yeah. And I go, what's happening? He goes, I got out and I got nothing going on. I'm moving to Colorado in a week to join my brothers. My brother went to Brown. Yeah. The garbage men and something else on Colorado just scheme. I said, you know what, you're looking for something to help you drive. Yeah. I'll be in that car with you. That's how quick it was. There was no real thought, you know? Yeah. I mean, you always have $200 hidden under a pillow. Yeah.

That's enough to get you somewhere, you know, that in the fucking bikini and you'll get the weather the fuck you got to get there. You know, I never understood all the thought, all the fear. This podcast is about fear, man. This is it. That, you know, the longest yard, they told me they were looking for a star name. Right. I went and made a tape and sent it to Adam Sandlin a week later. He called me. Right. That's it. I don't give a fuck. What you're looking for. I'm telling you what the fuck we're doing. Yeah.

You know, today we were talking on some Friday, some lady hit Lee up and wanted all these numbers about the podcast. And I told Lee, I don't give a fuck what she wants. We're at it back Monday, but I know in Lee's mind, Lee was like, Jesus, Joey, we can really use the money. We got to slow him down and play him on our fucking field. Right. You always got to slow people down and bring them to your home field advantage. And that's when you always win. Right. And that's what guys like you and I,

I've always said, you know what, so what fuck it, bring this to my fucking field. When I walk in there, I know one thing that I got to have the biggest dick in the room. Even if I don't have the biggest dick in the room, I got the biggest dick in the room. Fake it. Because I'm fake it to you. That's it. Fake it till you make it. And then after that, you worry about the next fucking day. Yeah. So now you're on a, you're 20 years old, 29. And you're on this fucking team as a scout. Now what?

Now I'm the scout training team. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I saw me. I'm on the team. I dress for home games. Okay. You know, Coach Mac Brown, who was the head coach at the time. Great guy. You know, he's going to give me an opportunity and he'd have me, you know, run out of the tunnel with the American flag before the games. Everybody on the team, I mean, every team has a guy that does that and he would have me do it every game, game because of my background, obviously. You know, that was great,

but I wanted to play. And so I kind of looked around at the different positions and, you know, I was a safety at the time, you know, defensive back. And it's tough to, it's tough to play at that level. And I should pretty fast, you know, and I'm, I'm a decent athlete and I work really hard, but I'm not, it's a gifted, you know, speed David, like these guys. And so, you know, I noticed that the guy that was long snap in the ball was a senior and his backup was a senior also. And so I was like,

maybe I'll just learn how to long snap. I didn't even know what long snap it was before I got to the team. You know what it is? I know what it is, but that's just a crazy way to choose the position. Hey man, he's a survivor, this fucking guy. He knew that was it. That's it. Is that another, I can't, I can't kick the ball. I'm not going to run up against these 18 year olds coming out of high school. They've been DBing for fucking four years, you know,

tackling gorillas in the group for football. I'm not, you know, it's just at least your honestly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it was just like, I had to find my niche and then who taught you how to long fucking this guy. You taught yourself. Tell me you went on YouTube. So I could strangle week. Exactly what I am saying. We were just talking about anything on the internet right now, but you look at 20,000 things because of your gentleness. I don't know why you're a fucking Jew. Take it to heart. Go to two pages and make a decision. Okay. I told you before,

we were talking about this. And he goes, I go on the computer, but each one has a different story. So I get confused. Like a part four way, like referencing. Like, let's say, how many videos did you watch to learn how to long a snap there? You probably watched like 10 and one guy would say, put your foot here. And then one guy said, Oh, well, those guys are idiots because you should put your foot here. Well, I turned the sound down. First of all, okay. So I would just watch, you know, and I'd watch that because I don't want it.

Cause just like you're saying people, they all have their own opinions. Everyone's got a different way of doing something, but I would watch whichever ones look the best to me. Like this guy's snapping the ball faster. You know what I mean? He looks the most consistent and I would just watch his body and then I would go try to emulate that. You know, sometimes I'd be in front of a mirror, just like getting in that stance. You know, oh yeah. And then I would have people grab a cell phone and like video take me

and I watch myself and be like, Oh man, that looks terrible. You know, but I know what to fix. So it was just self-coaching off of a imitation, really, you know, but I don't know. See, I have balls to do that, but I'm also scared. Like, after I joined Jiu-Jitsu, I knew that I had to start doing kettlebells to get everything going. Right. And I went online and I looked at a couple of kettlebell things, but I got scared because I knew I was missing something with my posture and

that little thing might ruin a disc or it could ruin some and that's what I don't want to do. So that's why I took up, but for some opinions, whatever, if I'm stuck, you know, like I said, I remember having to go to an encyclopedia. That's when everybody had the same opinion because you only had one fucking person to read from. That's it. It was, uh, I forget the encyclopedia company, but now Britannica, Britannica, those people don't know dick, but now you could go online and you get so many different opinions.

And at least you could make, you could make the same hypothesis they're making. It's, you know, you come to the same conclusion again with just a couple of things. I believe that, you know, I believe that at least you could read and get some fucking knowledge and amazing time. And without the internet, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't be here as far as the football stuff. I don't think, you know, I really don't, uh, because that's how I learned all my stuff. Who was teaching that online? Do you remember who was teaching?

There's a bunch of different guys I would watch. So I would look up the NFL rosters and look up the NFL, you know, snappers and stuff like that. There was a guy that played for the Bears for like 17 years. He just retired last year named Patrick Manley. And so he was kind of known as like one of the gurus. So I would just watch him do it. There's a guy that snaps for the Eagles named John Derenbos,

who's got an amazing story and what he'd had to overcome and go through. And I would watch him and there's videos of these guys like snapping footballs through the windows of moving cars, you know what I mean? The stuff like that. So I'm like, these guys are obviously pretty accurate. They know what they're doing. So then I would go back and watch their game film, go back and watch their, back when they were, uh, coming out of college, you know, and they have like footage of their, uh, snapping that they send to the, you know, their scouts, their agents

send to the scouts and stuff like that. Just watch all those little things and, um, even young high school kids and college kids that are just highly recruited or whatever, I would just, I'd watch them too, you know, uh, because they've all been coached on it and trained and, you know, spend all these money on his money and go to all these like snapping camps and all that stuff. So, uh, I got the freeway, you know, cheap way. Pretty fucking impressive, man.

So here you are playing for division one football team, not no semi pro, bunch of fucking washed up Alkes. They're just Alkes are not washed up. Yeah. These guys, well, even Texas, you know, you're at the one of the best schools, programs in the fucking world for football. I mean, that's prestigious enough. You're there. What are you thinking? I mean, this is your second year. You're starting.

Yeah. So yeah, my, yeah, I started on a field going extra point that you're just, just field goals, an extra point, snapping for that. And then the next year, who is your quarterback Colt McCoy? This is after Colt. It's after Colt. This was, uh, case actually in case McCoy and David Ash, they kind of split and went back and forth. Yeah. So both good guys, but yeah, I'm friends of good friends with Colt though. He's a good dude. He's on the Redskins now. Yeah. Yeah.

He like a couple of games last year. He really did. That's crazy. Like the long snapper, it's like kind of like the punters, like they overlooked, but when there's a bad snap, like in a playoff game, it ruins the game. It's the most thankless job in sports, probably, you know, they expect perfection every time. No one ever says good job, you know, but if you mess one up, you're like, you're the bad guy, you know, that's it.

Probably fired in the NFL. Honestly, they don't really mess around with it. Just one snap. So that's, that's why no one else, that's the one, the one ton of competition with it. No one wants that pressure, you know, and lack of glory is not a sexy position, you know, but it's kind of making it sexy. It's kind of crazy. There was like an article. They like, they fired a huge part of the jets scouting, scouting today. And like with all of sports, it must be kind of crazy with that. When you get fired, everybody knows about it.

It's like really true. Like the, like if you had one bad game next day, the headline so-and-so is cut. And they signed, they sent two guys, but there's always an excuse. And there's always somebody who could say, well, I worked with that organization. They're fucked up. Anyway, come over here. Right. We'll do the scouting here. That's what you have. That's, you know, nobody looks down upon you because it didn't work out with a certain organization.

Maybe you weren't in the people, you know, they fired five people. So at least it wasn't one particular guy. They fired. But like right after the draft. Well, I mean, what's fucked up? Well, when do you want to fight? You want to keep them from another two fucking drafts? Well, no, then what's the point?

What's the point? Maybe they gave them a shot and they didn't like what they drafted. You know, listen, man, when you're talking about that type of dollars, that type of organization, that type of pressure, just being in New York playing football, are you fucking crazy? They've been getting tortured and depressed. The Jets really tortured and smart Sanchez. They've been getting fucking tortured, tortured.

Listen, you know, I don't understand. It's it's it's as much pressure as you want to put on yourself. I guess, but I guess those markets are just horrible to play at. Those New York markets where it's everything to that city, right? Or it could be great. Or it could be great if you're winning. Yeah. If you're fucking winning, everything's good.

Oh, yeah, it's a parade. People jumping up and down. But you know, now you're losing and you're going to the dry cleaner. You still got to go pick up your shit at the restaurant. You know, where they used to say hello to you. Now you're 0-1-8. You think people are still saying hello to you? Fuck no.

As a matter of fact, by that point, you were in a disguise. You got to add on with glasses and the fucking being the fucked up nose. Order and delivery. Yeah, order and delivery. So, hey, man, listen, it's it's it's it's, you know, look at these UFC fighters. Look at all these shit that goes on. Yeah. You know, every time you skip a level,

it's you're going up against the elite of the elite. You know, when you go to trial in Texas, you're not trying out against a bunch of fucking guys that were playing frisbee. These guys have been touted. High school football in Texas is all they fucking have Friday night lights. Isn't that Texas? They don't fuck around down there. So the people who go down there have to go down there with this added, you know,

this is it. You're going up against the best of the fucking best, you know, and then then you go to the pros. How much pressure is the fucking pros? That's a complete day. And I did the longest yard. That documentary that's on right now with Brian Bosworth. I heard that whole thing two days in the fucking jacuzzi 10 years. I really did.

I asked him, it was just me and him for the weekend. When the movie first started shooting, nobody knew what was really going on. Nobody knew the rules. Only a couple of people stayed for the weekend. He was one of the guys that stayed. You know, the first hour we talked about acting, the movie he did. After that, we talked about Oklahoma. Right.

Then after that, we got, you know, after a fucking day or two, we got into the meat of potatoes. They were finding him for his game shirt because he'd leave it out. They were finding him 55,000 to fucking his whole game. You know, just, you know, he had to go to the therapy afterward, but it was the whole move. It had started at Oklahoma with the, with the bars and the fucking juice. And you know, Oklahoma was crazy. That was great.

Oh, did you see that? Oh, my God, 30 for 30. You know, we don't fuck around. That's crazy, brother. You know, I'm not going to have fucking my man. He had insulted him with some fucking Harvey talking about football. So now you do four seasons without force. And what's the next move now?

So you, you graduate. What kind of degree? I finished my, so I finished my undergrad. I got a kinesiology degree undergraduate. And then I'm just now, just this semester, I finished my masters in advertising. And so, but yeah, at the end of the season, I got invited to play in an all star game in Charleston called the Medal of Honorable. And, you know, one of the reasons I got invited was probably because I was a soldier.

It's, you know, there's, there was Medal of Honor recipients that they came to the game and like, you got to hang out with them and stuff like that. So, you know, that, that connection with the military probably helped me get that invite to play in the all star game there. But I went out there and once they saw me snapping and they were like, okay, this guy's actually pretty good. And there was a bunch of scouts that come to all the practices, NFL scouts. And they were like, at the time I weighed about 190 pounds,

because that's what I played at in college with all the deployments and stuff like that. I had to kind of keep my weight down. And so they were like, you know, you put on, if you can put on like 30 pounds, you should just go for it. What are you now? Right now I'm about 220. I put on about 30 already. So I came out here and just started eating and then training at Glacier's place at Unbreakable.

And yeah, training and eating and eating and training and finishing my masters and just kind of went for it, you know, and then I got an agent and then you get an agent when you're here, you got an agent from the bolt. No, here when I got out here. And now what was this agent telling you about the draft with your age? Were there any negatives involved? Oh, yeah, obviously the agent size was the two biggest, you know what I mean, and the lack of experience.

But he was like, you know, but the story, you got that story and you can snap the ball, you know, and you're a pretty good athlete for the position. So, you know, he was like, let's do it. Let's go. I mean, he's got nothing to lose. If I don't make it, it's not like he's spending money on me really. Some agents will, you know, some agents will do this and that. But, you know, we had a lot of help along the way.

A lot of people like Jay Glazer and people that were willing to, you know, to do me a few favors and, you know, and really advocate for me as well. And then it just, it just worked out. So it was a good day Saturday. And you are, you got drafted. I didn't get drafted. I was right after the last pick in the draft. I got a call from Pete Carroll, the Seahawks coach, and I picked up the phone, you know,

and he was like, how's it going today? You know, we'd like to sign you as a free agent and as an undrafted free agent and about you out here to camp and, you know, to compete for a job. You know, I still got to go win the job. That's another, I don't even, I mean, thought about that yet because, you know, we don't want to plan too much, you know, just one day at a time. So they do any teams keep too long snappers? None of them do.

No, one, no backup. If a guy gets hurt, there's usually another guy in the team that can do it for the rest of the game. And then on Monday, they'll sign another guy, you know? So, yeah, there's only 53 man, man roster. So for kickers, punters, snappers, they don't have any backups. This is, I've been blown away in a couple of different levels here. You miss the army?

Yeah, I do. I actually just got out February 23rd. So I miss it, but I keep those relationships up and I'm still going to be so actively involved with, you know, veteran organizations and nonprofits and stuff like that. Anything happens that you could still go back? I could, yeah, I could. Anything that gets hairy, you could still make a call and go, listen, I'm sitting here scratching my nuts in Seattle throwing a ball for a bunch of momos.

Let me come down and party, you know what I'm saying? Let's get down to party and again, let's get the helmet out and the night's go open. Yep, it could happen for sure. Fucking tremendous. So you have nothing to fucking lose, which is what life is not. Nobody does. Oh my God, nobody does, you know. People think we do, but we just make that shit up.

It's not real. You know what I mean? There's not really any barriers or obstacles. Those are all, they're just imaginary. It really are. I started comedy at 28. I got out here, people like it too fucking old. You know, you'll last a couple of years and 18 years in.

Which people told you that? Just stupid agents and people. People that aren't doing probably what they, they probably want to do what you were doing. They're probably jealous. Yeah, you know, that you had the balls and the heart to go for it. I've always loved the fairing odds. I always love to hear the word no. I'm a walking salesman.

Yeah, I'm a walking salesman. I love to hear the word no. Then I go home and I eat a roast beef sandwich. And I look at the mirror and I remember what God gave me two sets of balls for. You know what I'm saying? Again, they're not going to go in the fuck and play the drums or nothing like that. Nothing useful. So, and then I do what the fuck you do.

Fucking balls. Yeah, balls don't fuck around. They don't, you know, they're only here for one good thing to get you fired up. That's it. That's all your nuts do. They get you fueled up for the fucking daily. But I love all this shit. I love all this.

Now Lee was saying, who else got drafted? The Patriots. I think it might have been a long snapper too, actually. Was he a long snapper? Yeah. Yeah, he got drafted. Actually, he was in the fifth round. Yeah, he went to Naval Academy and so he, you know, he hasn't served yet.

He went out of high school into the Naval Academy, you know, to be an officer. And so he's, but yeah, the Patriots drafted him. I think they worked out some sort of a deal with the Navy so that, you know, he doesn't have to keep deployed or something. I'm not sure how it works, but he's going to be like a more like a PR person for them or something like that. So it's good recruiting for the Navy. Not why you've been here.

Have you gone for movie auditions and all that shit? No. And he pitched deals for you like nobody wants to hear this story? Yeah, no, a lot of people do. So I'm kind of being, you know, I'm slow rolling that. I'm focusing on football right now. Fuck yeah. No, one thing at a time.

Sell the rock. I mean, that's cool. That's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's interesting. And, you know, if it's done right, I think there's something there. Definitely because I know how much it has inspired other people. And so, but that's something that's down the road. I'm just sitting here going that for years.

I've been selling that. I've been selling that an 18 year old cannot make a fucking human decision. I've been selling this idea for 20 years that I know from experience that it's too much to put an 18 year old at a division one school and make them fucking learn and girlfriends and sororities and fraternities and just it's just too much. And all of a sudden you were you in your third year, you've declared your fucking major and you get your degree now.

And you're like, I had a buddy call me today about this look today. But guess what? Dad's a dentist and grandpa's a fucking dentist. So now you got to smell bad breath the rest of your fucking life because your dad thinks it's a career of a lifetime. So now what do you do? You marry a college girlfriend. She spits out two kids.

She gains 80 pounds. She ain't Miss America no more. She's got blood clots on her leg and shit. She wants you to rubber ties. You're smelling bread. Brett, one of your kids plays the, you know, whatever the fuck. And I'll tell you, man, think about it. Now, what's the average?

What's the average fucking college kid coming out to the? Oh, what's the fucking average college kid coming out to the? Oh, I read that a year ago. It's at least 100,000. Oh my God, what the college kids? So now you know what? Now I have to take a job. Now I have to sell my I have to be a junkie.

All right. I have to give you six months from graduation. Right. They give you a six month window until you get a job. Then you get this job and you got to pay back these fucking loans and they're raising the interest rate. And you know what? This is why you see alcoholism.

This is why you see depression. I could see it. I fucking was miserable at 24 being married and somebody telling you you have to do something. Are you fucking crazy? That's right. That's just rough. And I just, I love this story because of that.

Then all of a sudden you're on a shrimp boat, fucking killing fish out there with Gentiles in San Diego. Then you're like, fuck it. 9-11. It took you three years, but you went over there and you got to see that. I mean, you should have Joey read your audio book. Like for when you write your autobiography.

Oh, please. It just had to be me. It wasn't. What do you want me to say? Just what you just said. Just like have that be the audio book. God almighty. And then you fucking over there and one day you decide,

you know what? I'm going to give landmines a break. I'm going to go fucking play football for a while with some people down in Texas. No, no, no. Let me, you know, somebody else would have said, well, let me go to junior college and start slow. Give him a key here, Lee, so he could run over real quick.

While he's in the bathroom, I'll read the fucking hybrids and we'll come back. No worries, bro. You got to do what you got to do. If I was about to fucking try out, I'd be drinking everything. Gasoline, everything. Let me give some shout outs here real quick.

One of my man, Nate, goes to the bathroom. My girl, Jamie Stanley, Joey B, Justin S, or Justin G, I don't fucking know. One of the Justin's. Yeah, one of the Justin's rich machine. I think that's machine. Mr. Gonzo, Paul Lynch, Michael Harrison, happy birthday, cocksucker, DJ Tharrow.

I love you too. And Matt Willis, stay black. Like I told you earlier, I'm a Dr. Grins, Thursday through Saturday. I'm also at the South Point motherfucking casino, Memorial Day weekend. Oh, shit. And Oklahoma City, I'm the 30th.

I don't know what the link is for Oklahoma City. I give it to you, cocksuckers. Is that joeyds.net? I have no idea, Lee. What are you torturing me with questions? You see, I'm as high as you are. And you want to fucking ask me questions. It's a pretty interesting night tonight, Lee.

This is a great night. We had a nice little chit chat. You got a couple fucking highs. You got me really high. I got to get you high, Lee. Why do you got to get me high? You sit there like a half a fucking, you know, like one of the people

who went to help out in Africa. All dizzy with flies on you and shit. Put the camera away. What are you taping? It's periscope. Oh, you're the boy. Why are you doing a periscope? I'm only trying to read these fucking things for people.

Yeah. While he's in the bathroom. Let me do a little shout out to the sponsors also on it. Number one in optimum optimization. You understand me? We ain't fucking around here when on it. I've been telling you motherfuckers for years. You want to get in tip type,

conditioning, physical, mentally, spiritually. You want to be all sold in mind. All starts with alpha brain 100% money back guarantee. We don't even want the fucking product back. All right. Shroom tech. I use it before every fucking jujitsu role. If I got to lift weights, whatever I use it today.

I did 35 on the elliptical and I did the upper body just like that. Okay. Shroom tech sport. Shroom tech sport. They also have shroom tech immunity. If you if you if you move around a lot and if you shake hands with a lot of shady people. Shroom tech sport.

They also have new mood. They also have supplements. They have they have the the the the team performance to raise your testosterone level on it. Just go to the fucking page. I've been telling you people for two years now to stop fucking around. Go to on it right now.

Dot com. Look at the pack. Can't help you with the weights or the battle ropes or nothing like that. You want to be spider-man today on your own time. I can just help you with supplements. All right. Go to on it.com right now and press in church.

Boom and get 10% off your order. They also look into the stay on it program. It's a great program. I wouldn't fucking lie to you people. All right. They got so much stuff. They got the little fats that you put in your smoothie, the coconut.

It's tasteless, odorless. I've been using it lately. I feel good. My skin's not dry like it used to be. It used to be it used to be itchy at night. No more itches. Anyway, on it, press in church and get 10% off your first order. Look into the stay on it program.

It gets delivered to the house in the first of every month. For you, martial arts enthusiasts. You bad motherfuckers. You bump into Tim Kennedy down in Austin. Oh yeah. See what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah.

Good guy. Iron Dragon TV. He's a special forces dude. Yeah. He's sponsored by Nanatech. The people who created Iron Dragon TV. My man, Dave motherfucking Foley putting pieces together for you. Go to Iron Dragon TV right now.

If you like martial arts films, classic martial arts films. Not Jet Lee, but the other guy. Jackie Chan. Jackie Chan. What's his cousin's name? Whatever. I don't know. They got them too.

It man. Yip man. The fat man series. Enter the fat fucking cat. They got all your classics. Go to irondragontv.com right now. Go to the box and press in. Joey.

Joey. J-O-E-Y and get two. That's right. Two free movies. Free. Gratis. You know what I'm saying? I'm speaking fucking Latin for you people tonight.

Also, my main man Dave nailed to life.com. A.K.A. Let's give me some of those. The best gummy bears out there. They will fucking kill you. 250 milligrams. They put hash. They put these special Cuban minerals.

They get off the boat from Fidel. Even Lee's scared of them. We don't mess around with those. Because you always make me eat the head. But what do you want to do? You got to eat the head. The Chinese eat the fucking head. They eat that.

We're already high. And they eat the eyeball the whole thing. I make you eat a gummy bear head. Then you get fucking all crappy on me. Go to nailedinlife.com for the best wax pen out there in the market. What are you pressing? Pressing Joey Diaz. Joey Diaz and get 20% off.

So it's a $50 pen. So if you get 20% off, that knocks it down to 40. Oh shit. There you go. For the best wax pen out there right now. Oil and wax. Oil and wax. I'm sorry, Lee.

Go to nailedinlife.com right now. Also to my main motherfuckers over at Hiddie Sigs. The best electronic fucking cigarette out there. They got cigarettes. They got cigars. They got non-flavor. They got stuff with zero milligrams. Stuff with eight milligrams.

Nicotine with 16, 24 milligrams. You can pick your fucking nicotine level. Quit cigarettes. You can use a cigar in Las Vegas. You understand me? You see this? You should be having 10 of these when you go to Seattle. You're blowing smoke in people's face.

You know what I'm saying? What are you here for? You're trying out for what, bitch? Come back tomorrow. Anyway, go to HiddieSigs.com right now and press in. Joey's church. Boom. And get what?

20% off. 20% off these little fucking tremendous. 1,200 guaranteed Hiddie Sigs. Guaranteed pups. Where are you going to get 1,200 pups from? One of those cigarettes to settle in. They're going to do shit for you, but get you sick and put that ISIS electronics in you.

You don't want to deal with those motherfuckers. Stay with HiddieSigs.com right now. Go to the page and press in. Joey's church. And get 20% off, all right? So one more shout out to Onit, irondragontv.com, Nailed It Life, aka, aka, those goomies and monos.

And HiddieSigs.com. Yeah, scratch my ear. Anyway, what's up, my brother? So when do you blast off? When is this Friday? You go up there Thursday and what starts? Over the weekend, we got a rookie mini camp. So it's just the rookies out there.

We got like three or four days of practice. And then we go right into workouts with like the full team for I think till the end of June. And then I think I'll be back here for a couple of weeks and then back out for training camp and pre-season games and all that stuff. And then trying to hang around as long as I can, hopefully all the way through the season.

So I mean, it's just one day at a time, one snap at a time, really. Brother, I am blown the fuck away by the story. And I have been from the other day, you know, like again, I'm blown away at the age. I'm blown away at the football, not the football, but the army, green beret stuff. But then again, I'm blown away because you don't fucking stop.

And if everybody was like you, holy fucking shit, nothing would exist. There would be no terrorism, just because we get up and go in the morning. There's no thought. It's like automatic to you. You know what I'm saying? I've done this, I've been here, I like it, I enjoy it.

I'm gonna try something else now. Right. You know, some people have a hard time trying one fucking thing, you know. And I relate with you at being 18 and just getting the itch and no matter what, all we got to do is hear a certain story about our relatives to really just push us over the edge.

Well grandpa fucking did it, I could do it. No, but grandpa times are different. You know, there was no roller skates then. I don't give a fuck. Grandpa did it, I'm fucking doing it too. All right, that's the biggest mistake they make is let us know that somebody in our family had the balls to get up and leave.

You know, you always had that one uncle. Your crazy uncle went out to California hanging with those gay people. You know, what are you talking about? So what, they don't wanna walk around without sandals. People always look down at that. I've never ever, when I was a kid, I was confused when I was in high school.

Right. I knew, I didn't have a family. I knew that I would probably not get a football scholarship or a basketball scholarship. I knew that I would have to get maybe like a division nine school, like a junior college to take me on a financial aid and maybe a Pell. Right.

So I didn't have options, so I looked around and I looked around at friends of mine that even went to the service. But when they came back on that first leave, they told you how they loved it and things were great and they couldn't wait to go to fucking wherever. And then you saw them back and you're like, what's up? Oh, that fucking place sucked.

You know, and I would always go, well, why join the service if it's so rough on so many fucking people? But then I realized the friends I had were kind of like fucking weak. Like they went and they came home for that first leave and they just missed mom after that. Some people cannot fucking take it after that. It's a certain time.

I know a friend of mine called me through and he goes, I'm really disappointed about it. I just found out that 20 years that our friend had been, what's one of your discharges? Dishonorably. Dishonorably. And I go, you didn't know that? I go, he was living in San Diego hiding when he got cut.

He was working in Redondo as a bartender. I go, I knew that because he was tight with my roommate and they would talk. Meanwhile, he was telling you guys. So I saw him back in Jersey for the holidays. And I'm like, he's like, I'm back home from the Marines. I'm leaving. I'm like, I felt like ratting them out, but I felt bad.

I could embarrass somebody, but it's just amazing. So I was never, you know, people, just a lot of people, just there, especially where I grew up. Those people don't like leaving that area. They, they fall into a comfortable comfort zone. I couldn't fucking wait, man. And I didn't know where I wanted to go. I ended up in Colorado because of the mountains, I guess.

And then once I got there, I did the same thing. I took six credits at the Colorado Mountain College just to keep my knowledge on top of things. You know, I was always, I was ready to fucking join. What's this? It's like, quote, my buddy's checks me that today because he is the buddy I was talking, talking with. It's kind of like, yeah.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. I don't know who wrote that, but somebody should look this guy up. I think it says it with Bob Neil Donald Walsh. That's a beautiful thing. Yeah. Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. You know, you know, when you saw him,

he had that go to train with Dave for jujitsu. I know Dave since he's at Higgins and we're tight friends and he gives me a great deal. And sometimes when I'm going to bind like on a Sunday, my wife goes to church with the baby and I'm Catholic. So I run down to Dave and my biggest fear is being on the bottom and not breathing. Right.

And that's why I kept on the jujitsu. Right. Now I move a lot fucking better. You know, I go to him. I go, I try to catch a jujitsu class as fearful as I am. That's what's kept driven me. You know, tomorrow I got to follow your fear. I fucking faint every time I see a needle.

That is the reason why I didn't get up and go to the army recruiter when I was 18. I told the guy fucking be there. He came, he was a friend of a friend and we were talking and he goes, Joe, you don't need this shit. And you're like, well, forget about everything. I'll get you on a plane. You do whatever the fuck you want.

I was like, okay. I go, what happens? Because we give you a physical. Oh my God. At that time I was telling Lee, I couldn't handle needles at all. Yeah. Like now I go and I put an iPod on and I look the other way. And yeah, I breathe at that point.

I just couldn't handle it. And I never showed. And I got to tell you something, Nate. I was always sad about that. But I never showed for that. I didn't join the service over a fucking needle. Right. How embarrassing was I, you know?

I didn't join the service over a fucking blood test, you know? So I applaud you, dog. You're a fucking savage of savages. Appreciate that. And I, I don't know. There's something about you that I really want you to make it. This is, you got this. Me too.

You got this. Like I could feel that you got this. I know we're going to all get good news and shit. You know, it's a, it's, it's like a win-win, you know, at this point. I mean, even if, you know, I don't make it, it's not failing. You know, if you look at, if you look at what, you know, how this all started and where I'm at, I've already won, you know what I mean? I already, I'm already, I already climbed the, you know, I already climbed the mountain, you know?

So. I want to go to Vegas with you. I feel like if we went to Vegas, we'd make like $400,000. I don't think that's a good idea. I feel like you're like, you can't make your luck in Vegas. Like you can make your luck in life. But you, you just have something about you. I feel like we'd get it.

Okay. You have like some sort of story. I don't know. No, Lee, this is just one of those stories you talked about when we discussed it. This is the stories that we like to hear. This is it. This is all because of, uh, you can't put your fingers on it. You can't say whether you just didn't have fear or didn't have.

Oh, I definitely have fear. Just like you were talking about though, about, you know, you got to follow it. You got to chase it. You got to go after your fears. There's a reason you're afraid of it. And a lot of times it's because it's interesting to you. It intrigues you, you know what I mean? And some, some of that, at least with me, it's that, you know, it's a fear of it.

A fear of looking stupid or a feel of failing, you know, or not working out the way you envisioned it. But if you don't do that, I mean, my biggest fear is regret, you know what I mean? That supersedes all that other stuff. So were you scared going into basic? No. No, I wasn't scared. I was, uh, I was excited. It's the same with this thing.

I just was having, uh, I was having a talk with somebody tonight and they were saying, you know, are you, are you scared? And I was like, are you kidding me? Like this is a great opportunity. You know what I mean? This is what I want to do. I'd be stupid if I was scared of it. Obviously, uh, it is, you know, it's, I care about it.

So I'm, you know, it's that good kind of nervous energy you have, you know, like when you probably went on stage the first time to do stand up. I still get it. Good. Because that's, because you love it. Yeah, I love it. You know, and you still, and that's like that good kind of fear, that good nervousness, you know, that it's not holding you back in any way,

but it's, it just lets you know how much it, you love it, you know, and how much it matters to you and that you're doing the right, you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. If you don't have that in your life, you know, in my opinion, if you don't have that feeling that you need to be doing something else tomorrow morning, I wake up and my morning isn't complete till I find out whether or not I have a spot at the store tomorrow night. Okay.

Do you know that Lee about me? That when I wake up tomorrow, I do the usual things, the wife walks the baby to school, she comes back, sometimes I go to the Y, but I'm not settled till I see the comedy store retweet the lineup. And then I call to confirm my time. And then the whole day I talk myself out of it. Like why I'm not going to go to the store tonight. Lee, Lee knows I have a spot.

I always say to you, I have a spot at the store, but I don't know if I'm going. You never know if you're going anywhere. I swear to God. Have you ever not gone? A couple of weeks ago, I got stuck in Long Beach and I caught in traffic. I mean, you've never, have you ever talked yourself out of going though? A couple of years ago.

Really? A couple of years ago. God bothers you. Still. Yeah. Yeah. Like you have this opportunity to play for the fucking Seahawks and you don't want to show up to fucking Seattle because you don't feel good or whatever

fucking excuse I at that time I had problems, but even now I don't have those problems. And as soon as seven o'clock starts, I'm trying to make an excuse because I know I only have an hour to cancel. And then by like nine, I go fucking, I'm going to go down there. And as I'm driving down Laurel Canyon, the whole fucking time, I'm like, I hate this shit. I hate this shit. You know what I'm going to do tomorrow?

I'm going to wake up in the morning. I'm going to fucking call my agent and tell him to cancel the rest of my fucking work. And I'm just going to do 10 podcasts a week with Lee. I'm going to do sports and jumping and heart and fucking humans. I'll do every fucking show imaginable. And then I get down there and I've been working on something all day. I'm like, I've been working on a joke.

But about a week ago, I wrote something in the back of a page sideways. Like I didn't even write it correctly. I just was talking to Lee on the phone. I wrote it sideways. And for some reason at the six minute mark, like the Previous shit last week, I remember that I put, I got home the other day and I was so frustrated on Burbank Boulevard. I didn't get stuck behind one Previous Prius. I got stuck behind two Priuses, which is hell of a three o'clock when you got a peak.

And the whole way I'm cursing at them and they're pulling. It's like they were playing a game. One fucking fruit cake would do 45 and the other guy would do 48. They were tormenting my fucking life. By the time I got home, I'm pissing and I'm writing. And I got into the bedroom and I caught myself how mad I was. And I wrote Prius down and I never spoke about it again until last Tuesday. So on the way home, I'm thankful that I went down there.

Yeah. You follow me and I'm always thankful. There's mornings I get up and I'm like, listen, I never wrestled in high school. So I'm a horrible at jujitsu. So my friend's class is at 930. My lungs aren't ready for nothing at 930. You know, and I go to jujitsu when I get on the bottom and after three minutes,

I think my head's gonna explode and I tap out and I get up and I run around and I go back in and I do it again for two or three times. I get keep getting choked up. But as I'm walking to my car, I always tell myself, Jesus Christ, thank God, I didn't let myself get talked out of coming to this class today. Exactly. Because I wouldn't have learned that move or would have learned where to put my foot, you know. Right.

So every time I don't want to do something and I've talked myself into doing it, it's been a great thing that happened to me, you know. Always. I've noticed that more and more with my life too every time I, and it's hard for me because more and more, you know, you got to learn to say no in life. You can't say yes to everything, you know. But at the same time, some of the greatest, you know,

opportunities and relationships and friendships and whatever you call it, it's happened because I just was like, I'll screw it. I'll go, you know, I don't have a beer with that guy that said he wanted, you know, wanted to buy me a beer or whatever. You know, you go out and you realize that this guy really needed you there. Or, you know, he has this great idea that you've been thinking about and he's got the way to make it happen. You know what I mean?

Just a little thing like that. Just taking that little step and it just leads you down a whole other path. You never even thought you'd been on, you know. It's just crazy. Life's crazy. But, but yeah, those little things like that, you talk yourself out of that, you know, and it's just one step backwards instead of one step forwards, you know. Well, it just goes to show you sometimes what you miss in life by not just

trying. Yeah. You know, it's very happy. I try different shit. You know, this might my hometown is very political. And I used to see people, all they lived by was every four years they would back a politician. And that's it. And even now today, I see those same people backing politicians now making videos and posting them

on Facebook. Oh my God. I'm like, I'm so happy. Even if I lived here and I was fucking starving, it'd be better than being in that position. Kissing somebody's ass every four years for a fucking job. Right. You know, just to just me taking the chance. I live in fucking California.

I get up. I've been here for 18 years. I get up. I'm at the green light. I'm at a red light. I look around. I see a bomb tree and I'm like, I can't believe I'm in fucking California 19 years. Like I still remember coming here looking around and going, I'm only going to be here for a month.

I'm not funny enough to be here, you know, right. But I'm happy. I fucking try. Bleed, you got any questions for this fucking hero or what? You're going to sit there. You want a brown fucking star? You're going to sit there? Yeah, that's crazy.

It's just, uh, there's been a lot of stuff going on recently and I haven't even watched for the videos because I just don't want to. But there's people now like stomping on American flags. Where'd you see that on? It's all over the news. They've been doing it for 30 fucking years. I don't know. No, but they're doing it a lot right now.

I'm talking about football and going to jump out of helicopters and you're talking about stamping American flags. Yeah, it's fucked up. I want to hear about this. I don't know what's the reason behind it. I don't know. You didn't read the fucking article. I didn't want to watch that video.

Who said that to you? It's like, I'm on the phone right now. I think it's like this, some of the Baltimore stuff, like something like that stuff. Oh, okay. So I just, I mean, I have two cousins in the military and I just found out that one of them has to get deployed again. She's in the Air Force, so she's not going into like actual like dangerous, dangerous places, but she's a little, a little daughter.

So it's like fucked up. All I got to say to the flagstompers is you're welcome for the privilege and the freedom and the right to stomp on the flag that gives you the freedom and the privilege to do that. It's a circle. They didn't talk about football, jumping on fucking helicopters. And you bring me down. I want to talk about stomping on flags that brings me down. I got to go home and light a candle.

I'm fucking stomps on flags. They haven't done that shit in years. It's fucked up. Is the Baltimore thing over? I don't think so. No, they arrested the six cops. Anyway, who the fuck knows? Brother, this has been one of the greatest fucking nights for me on the podcast as I was

talking to you. I went through a lot of emotions because I thought about the things I haven't done while I was talking to you. You know, I'm still young and I hope that people also got that. You know, I just felt that I hadn't done a lot of things. I couldn't even remember them. I just thought of 20 things I wanted to do when I was talking to you. And I talked to you and we're talking about these shots that you took that were just

enormous, brother. So I love you. You're the last of the real Mohicans. And hopefully if everything goes well, we'll be watching you on NBC this fucking winter on Sundays. Fucking yelling and screaming for you, man. It's been a pleasure to have you. I know you're busy.

It's been an honor. I know you're leaving Thursday, so I just didn't want to keep you here all fucking night talking about, you know, the Battle of Evermore. I don't want to hear about that. I wanted to hear about your struggle, man. So Lee, no questions for the man. Well, good luck, man. I got one last.

Okay. If everything worked out, who did you really know? Well, that's a fucked up question. Who did you really want to get? Did you have any? Did anybody talk to you at the All-Star game that you left there going, maybe ended up in Tampa Bay? You know, I'd talked to a few scouts from different teams and coaches and,

you know, in the end there, you know, I had a couple of options. But it just made the most sense. I mean, you know, apart from Seattle being a great place, like, that's the best team in football right now. Yeah, it's a great organization. And uh, where is it? What? What are you doing?

Oh, I'm missing something. Oh, I'm a Patriots fan. Okay. Well, you guys won, you guys won the game. You know, you guys are very good. But, you know, this is a, you know, if I make the roster, I'll be the oldest player on the team as a rookie in Seattle. Their oldest active player is 33, you know, I'm 34.

So, you know, they're on the rise. But it could be good for you like pre-season, right? Like if you, if you have a good pre-season and another team needs a long snapper. Exactly. You never know. Exactly. So I'm just going to go out and all I can worry about is, you know, me and the things I can't help like my age and my size and all that stuff.

Fuck that. Fuck that. There's no reason to dwell on that stuff, you know. You got heart, man. And that overtakes heart and fucking mind and soul fucks all this shit up dramatically. Because just the posture, the confidence and the air that you have. So I felt it when you came in the room and I felt it the other day, man. So I wish you all the fucking luck in the world.

Lee, I want you to start looking into the Marines. I could see Green Beret in your future. You know what I'm saying? You take a little deployment, deploy you for five years and you come back and we do the church. Sounds good. We'll have the man take you. He'll walk you right in tomorrow.

Yeah. You'll be on a plane by fucking sink or the fucking. I could never last. Yeah, you would. Who knows? Lee, this, this, are you listening to this right now? We could sign you up tomorrow. You could be in Iraq by fucking next Tuesday doing jumping jacks in the heat.

Well, when I left college, I considered moving to Israel. The reason I didn't, one of the main reasons was I didn't want to have to join the army. I would not be good in the army. Yes, you would. No. You ever see stripes? Yeah. When I asked John Candy, why'd you join?

He goes, well, I figured I'd lose a couple of pounds. And he doesn't lose any weight during the movie. He's hysterical. He doesn't go down the hill. No, he didn't go on a fucking diet. You know, he didn't let the army help him out. But you're a young man. If I was 26, I'd go over there right now for a couple of weeks.

No. See what's cracking. Let them shoot at you a couple of times. That sounds terrible. That's all I'm glad there's people like you. Nah, there's people like you. You're a savage. I've been working with you for three years.

You got this. I got this. I could see you jumping out of a fucking plane with a backpack. Well, who pushed me out of it? No, they're not going to push you out, you know. I've seen it happen. They do that. They push you out.

See, I told you I don't go. If you don't go, if you hesitate. Who's going to push this sweet face out? They do that to animals like you. Not this. Look at this. They will put a soul of a boot in the middle of your back and kick you right out. See you now.

Thank you again for driving up, man, for sharing your story. My pleasure. It's a beautiful story. Thank you. We'll close it out, Lisa. Yeah. All right. How long is this going to take?

Now, what happened? Jesus. I'm just getting the music ready. You guys can go. Happy Cinco de Mayo. The church will be back tomorrow. Oh, we are? I hope so.

Okay. Let's do it. I go to honor.com. We use code word church to get 10% off of all the great optimization products. I need credit. I thought I was 10% off the music piece. What did I say? I don't know.

I said honor.com. That's the music. I have to do this for you. All right. Here we go. He's in a rush. He can go. He's in a rush.

Okay. I'll do them after the music. I got a black magic woman, got a black magic woman, I got a black magic woman, got me so blind I can't see, that she's a black magic woman. She's trying to make a double out of me. Don't turn your back on the baby, don't turn your back on the baby. Yes, don't turn your back on the baby. Stop messing around with your tricks.

Don't turn your back on the baby. You're just my bit of my magic sticks. I got your spell on the baby, I got your spell on the baby. Yes, you got your spell on the baby, turning my heart into stone. I need you so bad, magic woman, I can't live alone. I need you so bad, magic woman, I can't live alone. I need you so bad, magic woman, I can't live alone. I need you so bad, magic woman, I can't live alone.

I need you so bad, magic woman, I can't live alone. I need you so bad, magic woman, I can't live alone. All right, hold on. Go to audit.com, newscovertchurch, to get 10% off, go to naileditlife.com, or Los Gumi Charmonos, and newscovertjoey is to get 20% off the premier favorite pen on the market. Go to irondragontv.com and newscovertjoey to get two free movie rentals of all the great movies we're not recording, and also go to hitesigs.com, better tasting, longer lasting than proof isn't the E-Sig.

I use covertjoey's shirts to get 20% off the order.