Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #281 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: May 12, 2015

 Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio testing out the new Auntie Dolores edible line   This podcast is brought to you by:  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  My Skin Is My Sin - Ice Cube I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Gimme Shelter - The Rolling Stones Recorded on 05/11/2015

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What? Oh, shit. Crank this motherfucker, Lee Syac. Where's the microphone? Lee, wake it up. The microphone. Where is it? This motherfucker on, I don't hear it. Check. Two you bad motherfuckers.

The church, yo, what's happening now? Huh! Oh, shit. May 11th, motherfuckers. You're half old when you're still picking around. What? What do you think of that, Lee? What? Relax, you're up there, you're like,

move, wake up and think of doing what? Kick it. Get the hell out of here. We didn't call you. Kick it, Lee. Kick it. Kick that motherfucker. What? Wash your fucking feet, cock-suckers.

It's gonna be a good week. Gotta make some geetas for Memorial Day. Gonna get your dick sucked on the beach. Here it is. What do you think of that, cock-suckers? Welcome to the church. What's happening now? You bad motherfuckers. Long time no oblo.

What's up, my favorite fucking Jewish person in the world? Everything's up. What's up? Nothing, I had a great weekend. What'd you do? You went with mama? Yeah, we didn't do shit. When she tells you that she's not gonna see you, and then you see you're like a rejuvenated man,

you're fucking hitting lunches, you know, eating brown rice and fucking chicken. Oh, that's really good, that Asian box. But no, she finished her second year on Saturday, so we ordered a pizza and we got high and we fucking ate a dessert and just hung out, watched three hours of Shark Tank and passed out by the night.

I had cinnamon rolls. I had those Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. Did you make them fresh? Oh, yeah. In the oven. Oh, yeah, you have to. And you got extra cream and smeared on those motherfuckers to the end.

Not extra cream, but just, yeah. Just the shitty cream they give you. Where do you get extra cream from? But you wanted to, don't worry. You gotta make a few calls to crack. What the fuck makes them? You joke that like my sweat smells like cheeseburgers, but on the elliptical today,

I'm convinced I was burning, like a McDonald's cheeseburger off. From a long time ago. Because it smelled like a cheeseburger, but you know when the pickles and the ketchup get hot and it has all, I was only elliptical, like why do I smell like a McDouble? You could smell the pickle juice coming out of your armpits.

The pickle and ketchup, yeah. That's amazing, this motherfucker smelled. When was the last time you ate McDonald's? Over six months ago. So it's been, you just caught like a little piece of fat on the armpit that had the fucking pickle in there. I think so, yeah. Tremendous, man.

I'm happy that everything's working out. You had a great weekend. I was in fucking Grand Rapids, great club, great audiences, the food at this place. They got a salmon. They got a beautiful salmon and a bed of tortellini with green peppers, red peppers, little goat cheese cream,

that'll put you in a different dimensionally. A little bit of tortellini too. I love tortellini. You know I like tortellini. No, it's gnocchi. Oh, gnocchi, okay. With a little potato in it and they fucking just delicious.

You understand me? Just off the fucking chain, delicious. The shows were great. I thought my Thursday show was men's immortal, but it was good Friday. My best show was Saturday early, Friday late, that crazy, I'm crazy. The timing's off, but fuck it, we make it work.

But I had a great time. That's a great little city. That is a great, great little city. You know, I'm really happy because the places I go to, I really wanna go to and I really enjoy them. There's maybe one or two things. You know, I don't even eat in these cities no more. What do you mean?

Like, you know, I don't know. I think the last time I went to Buffalo, I only had three wings. Yeah. Like at the club one night. You know, I just really don't, like I've been there so many times. I see it, remember I was telling you

that I had the chubby state of mind mentality that everywhere you go, the first thing you think of is food. Like some people think, oh my God, when I go to this place, the first thing I'm gonna go is go to this library or go to this museum, I like it. There's a coffee shop that makes my latte.

You know, guys like you and I think about, fuck, there's a place on the corner, make barbecue. I'm gonna go have two fucking barbecue sandwiches. I'm gonna try to go home for like a weekend this summer to Boston, and my mom and I are already planning what I'm gonna eat. What are you gonna eat?

We're gonna go to Legals, which is one of my favorites. And then there's a really great barbecue place where I used to go when I was in high school. I'm gonna go there. And that's, and then it's crazy how much I never like, Mother's Day is great, but I wanted to talk to you about it

because Paula's mom is like the first mom of any girlfriend that I've been like tight with. And like yesterday I gave her a card and we were going to a Dodgers game on Thursday. And she got really, like she got really emotional. And then we can't really talk because she doesn't speak English. But like I can imagine Mother's Day for you,

like after your mom passed away, must have been fucked up, but then you probably had other people who took that place. Like, yeah. Like yesterday, even when I was having a fucked up there, I made some calls from Mother's Day for people who were nice to me growing up

and they got a kick out of the call. But it's funny, every Mother's Day, yes, I think about my mother, but I also think about the mother to my ex-wife. You know, she was real. So that's why I understand where you're coming from. I was thinking about a fight we had one time that could have really been bad.

You know, I don't believe in setting a crib up until the baby's born. It's just a superstition that Cubans have, maybe a couple of other cultures have. I'm just fucking superstition. Like you think something bad could happen? Once the baby's born, then you build a crib. He's not gonna be home for two fucking days anyway.

You come home, you build a crib, it takes one fucking hour, no. That's the only beef we ever had, her and I. We had a beef about a crib one time that escalated a little bit and I walked out of the room because I didn't wanna blow it up. But my mother-in-law was very cool.

When I got to my first job selling cars, I didn't have clothes, she gave me her Visa card and said, go use it and just pay me what you can every week. And I paid off like 600 bucks. I had to get a couple of suits and some shirts. She used to cook special for me. She knew when I liked Paragis, the sauerkraut ones. So that's, it's, you know, growing up,

you always hear people, comedians and people on TV, the comedies towards the mother-in-law. You hate the mother-in-law, you hate the mother-in-law, you hate the mother-in-law. But once you have a mother-in-law, see to me, like even Terry's mother, Terry's mother and I are close to an extent. But I know what I'm with Terry's mother.

I know that she likes me because she looks at her daughter and she sees a smile on her face. See, that's why this woman loves you because you're making her daughter happy. You're acting like a gentleman in her fucking home. You show respect in her home. Now a lot of guys just, you know, yeah, guys do it, but it's weird to date somebody

and it's weird to date somebody and become a part of their family. It's a complete different experience, especially when you're a young man and you, you know, you always have thoughts about living with somebody. Like the first time I moved in with a woman, that was big for me. Yeah, oh yeah, I mean, we still haven't done it.

Like I was 25. It was like a different thing. You try to keep cool, but there's nothing you could do. It's just an evolution. You just evolved into a girl being in your house. Now you lived with guys and now you have this woman who lives with you and you try to do things and you become best friends with her or you don't.

But it always evolves, you know, but that relationship with you in laws, I still remember my ex-in-law dad. He really dug me. Him and I had become a great relationship. He was a pseudo-father to me in a different genre. Carmine was a father to me. Mr. Bender was a father to me.

You know, Mr. Runny was a father to me. Mr. Holloway was a father to me, but he was a different father to me in a different genre. He didn't have that mindset. He made me read books. He spoke to me about history. When I went to, when I got arrested for kidnapping, he came and bailed me out and spoke to me

and asked me what happened and to tell him the truth. And I told him the truth and it was weird because I had dated his daughter for four years and we were always on a very 50-50 type relationship. And once I got arrested, he showed his true colors to me and I could show my true colors to him. And it really changed our relationship.

I would go up there on the weekend and help him cut wood and we'd speak about his life and history and what my thoughts were and how I was going to achieve the things I wanted. And sometimes I think that the only reason why I didn't go off and bold it was because of him. I didn't want to disrespect him and his wife who had, they had done for me

because even though me and his daughter went together, they did a lot for me, man. I always respected that of people when somebody does something. I never wanted them to feel like I used them, you know? That was always very important to me. If you've been used, you know the feeling. It's a shitty feeling.

And you never look at that person again who uses you, you know? So I always wanted to give people, let them know that what they contributed to my life. I took into consideration in my future decision. That's why I made those calls to some of my friends' moms yesterday. And it like, Paula's mom has been broke forever.

Oh, how are you? And so like, I got her a card and I went to Porto's and got her a favorite cake. And I could tell that that meant more to her than if I had like, let's say, like let's say when I bought her like diamond earrings or just something I'm sure some guys do. And like, you wouldn't cut wood with your father-in-law.

You probably could have paid like- We had three sons. And his sons overlooked that fact. Right. You know, maybe your mother-in-law has other boys, two other sons and one of them couldn't show up because he went to the wife's house. It's, and that's what probably happened.

I don't even know this. It's really weird when, and I see the chains that Paula and her family has had on you. They've had a really great effect on you in the sense that it's brought you back to basics. It was the same effect that I had when I was growing up and I used to go to 148th Street.

You see how the other side lives. Sometimes you have a bad day and you have and all of a sudden you think about Paula, how they didn't have an air condition. They don't even know what that world is. Like they just didn't have air conditions. They had fans, Spanish people, they had fans. And they still don't even turn the AC on, but at least they have it now.

They don't even think about it. They live so long without it. Right. You learn how to adjust. And when you see that, you see how spoiled we are as people. I've always talked about that when you see a woman at 10 o'clock, you know, pull up with her Range Rover and I just left yoga.

My day is so stressful. You know, I dropped the kids off. No, you didn't. The nanny dropped the kids off. You went to yoga with your Range Rover and now you went to Latteville to tell them all what a big day you have. But what about that lady that's taking care

of your fucking kids all day? What about the Spanish woman that, like I told you a thousand times, I'm victory and violent by the fucking target over there. It's walking across the street pregnant with a kid in the bucket and one in the fucking hand growing across fucking violent with 10 shopping bags. You think she walks around saying,

my feet hurt, yoga, no, fuck no. So it makes you humble and makes you see what people can do and how the other side lives. Right. And the things that you thought were just impossible and now you see it. You never dreamt of living with four people in your fucking bedroom, never, never.

When I was growing up, I never, when my mother died, the thought of having to share a bedroom was incomprehensible to me. Like it was incomprehensible. But that death brought me back. Eleanor's got a great joke. She says that, that's special. She says that rich people, you know,

poor people don't have food allergies. Yeah. You know, poor people do not have food allergies. Okay. And one of those kids are allergic to peanut, to cheese, juice. They just don't. You really see how the other half lives.

You see what you can live without. This is what happened when my mother died. This is when I said to you, like, I always saw what I could do without. That's why I'm the way I am. Like I don't give a fuck. Like I always thought you had to be there at midnight to watch the movie.

What if you missed it? You wake up the next morning and life is still the same. Like, and you see life from a different perspective because you weren't part of a sheep fucking movement. It's really weird to say no, and to go against something you really want to do. But when you do it, you see the other side. You see how the other side lives.

You always realize what's important. Now, holy shit, I see what's fucking important. And what I found at least, Let's try, listen, hold on one second. Anthony Dolores sent us the new packaging today. She sent us cocoa cookies. She sent us caramel corn. This is the new packaging.

And she sent us savory pretzels. As you know, Anthony Dolores is the leader, you know, in vegan sugar-free snacks. She's the leader in death. She also sent us a 30 milligram metal bowl that we'll eat right now. Let's have the caramel corn. What are you going to take there?

Oh, you want to do the brownie? Okay. Let's do a brownie first. That's going to be very special. It's just myself and Leap. So we're going to have a little fucking smorgasbord here tonight. I'm just talking shit with you people. You know what I'm saying?

Just very simple about what's going on. We've had Reagan in here and the football player. And every once in a while, we just want to talk shit. And for you guys, just to tap into our conversations and see what the fuck we're feeling and what we're doing. I'm sorry, Leigh, to interrupt you. I was okay. I'm just thinking I'm glad I Ubered.

Oh, so you're just saying what you realize you can live without. I used to go every year to my dad's friend's Christmas party. And they're super rich and they had someone dress up as Santa. And they had all this gifts and all that sort of stuff. And it was always fun. The best Christmas I've ever had was the first year, the first Christmas with Paula and her mom. It was me, her, her mom and her cousin.

We did gifts. We did food and tamales. And then we got drunk and played Loteria. And they're like in their house in Englewood. And it was great. Like it's just. It's simple. Yeah.

It's simple. There's no, uh, fakeness. There's no, you know, they, they, I like Christmas. I tell you, one of the best Christmases I have was my Christmas in prison. It was the best Christmas I ever had because it broke it down to the simplest of what Christmas was. You know, that we exchanged gifts.

Yeah, I gave one guy a comb. I gave the other guy like faken batteries, you know, but it was about food. It was about guys being together locked up and making the best of what they had. And when you do that sometimes it's a different holiday. It adds a different faken twist to everything. You know, I've always been a spokesman against weddings.

That's not that I hate marriages and whatever. I just don't, at a point, it becomes like you're getting married for somebody else. Oh yeah, totally. I want you to get married for you. When I got married the first time, I got married for me, but it was for her parents. When I got married to Terry, it was about us.

It was about what we wanted, how we wanted to do it. You know, what we wanted people to wear, which was regular shit we did on a Wednesday. It was a wedding. Did anybody, did he get any shit? How could you not be doing this? People know better than to say something. With you, they don't care.

I'll break it down for you. Everybody's here on Wednesday. Everybody's here. What's the busiest night in the college town? In any town? Friday, Saturday. No, the night before Thanksgiving. Oh yeah.

Everybody wears their nice shirts. They're home from college. College is great. Where are you going to school? I took the semester off. Oh yeah, they make you feel bad. Biggest night of the faken year Thanksgiving. Biggest night of the faken year, you know?

So that's why. Oh, is that when you did it? What's that? The wedding, your wedding. Yeah, I did it the night before Thanksgiving. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Did it on Wilshire, in a little office building. And once you're open, it looks like a faken church.

Filipinos and immigrants get married in there. Little pre shows up. We took the third floor penthouse suite. If you were over six too, you banged your head on the ceiling. But you had a great time. Like I've seen my pictures. My Kessler walked my wife down. You know, it was, it was red band and Ari with a suit.

Ari wore a suit and gave me a present. And we got married and we, when we raced up to the Hollywood bow and we got faken white rice, black beans and pork chunks from Silver Lake, old Cochinito. And we got pastrami sandwiches from Langers with a bunch of rye bread. And then we got faken fried chicken from Rouse. And we got sodas and we bought a bunch of booze.

You can make your own drink. And that's it. I didn't care what you wore. I didn't care who you brought. My wife made a wedding cake over night. She stayed up all night making it. My wife got high. She put a dress on.

I put a suit on and we got married. Her parents didn't show. My family didn't come. It was, and I didn't care. I understand. I'm not there to get married for people. I'm there to get married for myself. If you, I never held a grudge against people.

They didn't go. A lot of people, Ralph, he didn't go. They were working. I wasn't mad. I had to do it that day. I did not want to do it on a Saturday and, you know, make a big to do. I just wanted to faken get married.

And look, we're still together. We're only going 15 years. I love him more than ever. I didn't get married. I remember years ago, the black chick from the view got married to some faken black dude. And they faken had Chris Rock there and the chubby black girl. What's her name?

Sherry Shepherd. No. The one before Sherry Shepherd. I'll look it up. Okay. She got married. She lost a lot of weight. And the guy faken faken whatever.

The chick from dirt, whatever, desperate house wise. They had a $10 million wedding with the basketball player from the Spurs. The faken black guy that lost his edge. And all of a sudden they got married. Everybody loved each other. And what happened? Boom.

He fucked the housekeeper. You know, a guy, listen, that's all that shit is to entangle glasses and for your friends to come and say it was elegant. At the end of the day, nobody gives a fuck. They're all there for the faken free meal. So, and to be seen and to be heard, that's why that celebrity shit is bullshit to me. Every time I see a celebrity get married, it's garbage.

It's like, you know, I love him and you don't even love yourself. You're fake. You don't even write your own faken lines, you piece of shit. You expect to faken love somebody. Get the faken out of here. What's up, Lisa? You bad motherfucker. This brownie hit hard.

Right away. I don't know if it's a green hornet or what. We don't faken around. And we got, we also have what we're going to do a little caramel corn and sample that. Okay. The caramel corn is delicious. I'm going to do one of these faken black mambos, the cocoa

sparkle. And listen, people know I really don't, I usually don't like brownies. Like anything with chocolate with weed is usually not my favorite. That is the brownies. I almost couldn't taste the weed. You can still taste weed.

I can tell on your face that you didn't faken sour and faken up. And one other thing, Lee, I let these people know whether it's anarchy edibles, chibichus or anti Dolores. They have always been my go to edibles. I mean, I just discovered anarchy edibles and I think they're brilliant. I got, I still got the star there.

We ate all their faken edibles. Great product. I like who runs. I love his story. Well, the thing that you taught me is you really have to switch it up because I don't know how many milligrams that brownie was. It's less than the star.

Yes. But since I haven't had anything like that for a while, it's hitting me faken hard. It's a different batch. It's a different batch. That's what I'm saying. They have that type of butter. I guess when you eat their stuff, they have that type of

rotation. Sure. Because you don't ever want to. It's like working on it. You want to run one week. You want to do kettlebells one week. You want to body build one week. You want to go to Jiu Jitsu one week.

You always keep it up. So your muscles always, I swam on Friday. Lee, I went to the faken thing. I put my faken lifting suit on and I went downstairs and I said, well, down the pool was empty. I knew that Saturday the pool was going to be filled with faken kids. I went upstairs.

I went in my little utility bag. I got an extra sleep apnea. I got everything like sugars. You know those cancer sugars. You save sugars? I have to. Just in case I go to a hotel room and I make coffee and they got no faken sugars.

So I have everything in there. Okay. I got everything faken in there. I went upstairs. I got the goggles. I ran down. I jumped in the pool. Lee, I was doing laps, breaststroke and kicking on the

way in and then just pulling myself on the way back. I would do that five times and then walk around the pool or run around the pool until side kicks. And the pool was four foot six. So it was from my faken chest down. I did that for half hour. I'm not going to let him know, but I stayed in the pool for a half hour and I stayed in the jacuzzi for like 20 minutes.

You can do five back and forth. Yeah. That's hard. But I know how to breathe. I learned how to breathe with swimming. The first two times I did it, I almost drowned. I don't remember the last time I swam. Because we have to suck in and breathe when your head goes

in. When you do a breaststroke, when you do this one coming around, you twist your head on this arm. Yeah. You breathe in and as you throw that arm, you breathe out. So when you pop up again, you breathe out. You breathe out. You have to breathe out when you hit the water.

You breathe out in the water, you exhale. Oh. So right here. And as you hit, it's all time. It's a beautiful thing. Swimming is a beautiful thing. I love swimming. When you see those guys faken doing the butterfly.

I can't do that. Me neither. But when you see them doing the butterfly, when they're on the way up, they're inhaling. When they hit the water, they exhale. When they pop out, they inhale. You breathe under the water. So you might as well exhale it and use that power.

You know, you have to put your fingers together to grab. So all those little intricate things when you do a little breath, because I can't do a regular breaststroke anymore because of my shoulders, but I could do the pull from the bottom. If I had the pulleys, I would put those between my legs. Then you float and that gets your core. You just faken pull.

Your shoulders get strong. It loosens everything up in here. You don't even know 20 massages from Chinese women. Obviously I don't know much about toning, but I've heard like swimming is the best thing for like building muscle. Well, the problem with swimming is that it's a great exercise. You burn a lot of calories while you're in the water and

you burn a great cardio. But when you get out of the pool, that's it. It doesn't stay with you the rest of the day as if weight lifting would or running. When you run a weight lift, those calories burn throughout the day. The elliptical, those calories burn throughout the day. That's when you want to go early and eat your carbs for

the day early and it gets it out of the way. By the way, I'm down to 305. Nice job buddy. 20 faken pounds on this little faken diet. Somebody sent me another thing about the operation that after nine years, you start losing your teeth because your body doesn't get the nutrients that it has to. You have to constantly drink milkshakes of milk and protein

and this and that and get sun. So I think I'm going to stick with what I'm doing right now. It's working for me. I feel faken great. I did lift it today. I did all my upper lower end. I did the elliptical. Today I sweat like a faken sandwich.

It's very humid in Los Angeles. Yeah. What's that thing? Why are you looking at me like that for? Because I'm faken high as faken already. Faken yeah. That's what we're supposed to be. That's what we do the church of what's faken happening now.

What else? I had a faken up thing happen on Friday. What happened to my boy Lisa? I had ordered flowers from my mom to be delivered Saturday and like nine o'clock, I even told Paula, it's like my flowers, they haven't been, I don't have a tracking number yet. And I thought maybe since it was in Miami,

they were going to just overnight it and deliver it that day. But at midnight, at midnight, I got an email. It's 3 a.m. their time saying that they weren't going to be able to get it out. And they refunded it and they're sorry. So I go crazy on Twitter and then I just ordered flowers. What I'm going to do from now on is just order flowers from the local florist. The Youth of America, I told you before the podcast started, you guys jump on this shit that's cute.

But at the end of the day, how effective really is it? I got to stop and press a button just to do like I told Lee, Uber, you go outside and lift your hand, the cab shows up. But you motherfuckers want to make everything complicated. In New York, not. Lee's a great kid. He's great. But Lee loves that fucking computer.

He loves anything. And God forbid they're on Shark Tank and they don't get money. Lee really goes with them. I used them the first time because they were sponsoring a podcast. Right. But yeah. They slipped. They corporate and they fucking slipped and they fucked up the flowers where they got

in too deep. Probably got in too deep. See, a lot of those services, what they do is they don't have shops. They call Lee in Boston. They go, hi, Lee, you're all quick florists. Yes, you are. You have a three star rating on Yelp. This is what we do.

We're a company. We're going to come to you every month. We're going to give you 50% more business, but we want you to discount our flowers by 25%. And what we're going to do is we're going to keep 15. And since it's going to be 10% off or 15% off, we're going to sell more flowers than you are. What do you think? Can you do that?

It's like people with that shit now when you want to take it to a show. Where do you go? Groupon or whatever the fuck you do. Same thing. Yeah. So you go to them, correct? This is what you do with the flowers, but that's all great and dandy. That's the service they create.

So when you call them, all they're doing is shooting a fucking email to one of their centers, saying, can you send this? It could be a mom and pop fucking florist. It's the same florist you're going to use in your neighborhood that if you call them. But the florist gives attention to his business first because his business, he gets top dollar. Of course. He's cutting 15% off his services for his jack off. So who do you, you follow me?

Right. Yeah. Comprende? No. And then the only reason I bring it up is because I got an email this morning from the CEO or someone who said he was the CEO and it was through their website and he said, like, I'm sorry. Maybe maybe I could come on the podcast and you could give me the, like you could give

me shit and I could explain what happened. And I don't like, I don't know how he found that. And then because yesterday I tweeted when you're having your issue, I tweeted, like, books is the American Airlines of it of flower delivery or something like that. He said, he said the books line hurt a little bit, but it made me laugh. And I was like, what is happening? Like, did he really think he's going to come on here and like FTD gives you points? If you use FTD, you get points on fucking virgin.

And you understand me? If you use hurts, you get that. It's the same fucking thing. Right. FTD has been around since I was a kid and they're solid, like the Rock of Gibraltar, like Western Union. I thought I was supposed to go local. Local is FTD.

They're going to do the same FTD. There's the same thing I told you that guy does. Only they've been doing it for 900 fucking years. The guy with the torch with flowers in his hand and running through the fucking jungle delivering your flowers. He's been around since I was a little fucking boy. Okay. The issue with me yesterday was basically this.

I fly for a living, ladies and gentlemen. And I've been flying since the age of fucking six or seven. I used to go to LA on Easter. I used to go to a, to Puerto Rico in Miami. I'm pan American. And, you know, in the old days, guys, it was about comfort and service. You got on a plane. And if you had a coach ticket, you could buy an extension and go upstairs.

Every plane had an upstairs. This is why when you look at a plane now, you're like, what the fuck happened? You just sit there. 20 years ago, you got on a plane and you went upstairs. Once the seatbelt sign came on and you bought drinks at a bar. And there was a guy playing the piano. Did you know that? No.

And you could buy snacks. Every flight? Every flight and mingle on flights. Happy night. Did you know that? Did you know that bathrooms in first class and other bathrooms had stuff in it like creams that you could use and tapes. It was just a different world.

They don't have that in your first class. They gave a fuck about the consumer. They gave a fuck about, you know, they didn't waste your time. Every week on, on Facebook or on the news, I got to see about a plane that got left on the tarmac for five fucking hours and people ran out of food with no heat air on and people are farting. I got up yesterday to pee in the middle of the plane. It smelled like an animal.

And I'm not saying this. It smelled like somebody had taken their feet off, somebody had shit their pants, somebody had armpit and it was all together in the middle life from aisle nine to like aisle 16. It was one of the worst odors I've ever smelled. Hopefully it wasn't one person. No, I don't think so. I think it was a conglomeration of stinky fucks. Uh, you know, today we don't care about nothing.

The corporate structure has taken customer relation and they passed the buck. This society is used to it. But guys like myself, 50 year olds and 40 year olds are not used to that. Yesterday in front of me, a 40 year old was telling her daughter about what it was to fly 20, 30 years ago, but not with just flying. Our whole complete corporate structure. When you call the phone person, you spoke to a phone person today, a friend of mine called me and said, I'm going to bind.

Can you send this money there for me and I'll send it to you tonight, right back. So it's in there. And I said, sure, I called Western Union. I couldn't speak to nobody. They kept messing up the automated thing. Oh yeah. They always send it to them on PayPal. I had to put money in my PayPal and send it to them.

So my whole thing is, oh, I took the fucking thing was going on. You know, this whole corporate thing, it's, it's a past the buck type of society we live on and everything is very time consuming to the, to the consumer. I think like all the corporations have gotten together and said, listen, let's do this. Every time somebody calls you, it's a 30, 40 minute phone call, you know, because they're like that. They just say fucking gets frustrated and get off the phone and hang the fuck up. That's what most people do.

I'm busy. So are you. I was on the phone once for an hour and a half with AT&T when I tried to get internet with them. An hour and a half. And then some people are charging now for you to do stuff on the phone. Like, let's say most airlines, most airlines, if you like some online, you get dirt. Can you turn the air on?

It is hot tonight. It's humid. And we're both about, we're about to taste something else. I'm going to take the caramel corn now. Every 15 minutes we'll take something today until one man passes out. I'll be fine. Place your bets. I get 10%.

You're as tough as fucking nails lately. You've been putting down some numbers lately. You're not eating 30 milligrams no more. You're opening up with 30 fucking milligrams. That's what it's all about consistency. That was a very nice thing that Higa Machado said. I really thought about his statement about consistency and it really is true. I could only go to Jiu Jitsu twice a week.

But I go to Jiu Jitsu twice a week. And that's it. And I keep, you know, it's like the podcast. We keep this every Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. That's how we fucking do it. And that's so fucking important in life. And to me, that's a great compliment. I love all that shit.

Yeah, I saw your eyes light up because you've said that a bunch about yourself. I love it. You have to be. This is the only way to move forward is to let them know you're going to be there at that place at that time every fucking week for them. And I wanted to talk to you about it because I was thinking about a lot this weekend. I have to go down and take a class. Like there's no way it'd be like if fucking, I don't know, Larry Bird was like, Hey,

you want to come? I can tell you some how to shoot a basketball. I can give you basketball shoes. I think your life is going to change. I don't know if I'm going to do it forever, but I could at least try it. Let me tell you something. I think the gap, the little thing that's missing in your heart is some camaraderie thing. You have this and you have Paula and you talk to Steve Simone and you talk to me and you

talk to the Agustino. You talk about one fucking thing, 10 things with three people. What you get to does what going to the gym really does what you go to the gym, you get on the elliptical, you put a TV on. Yeah, you go there. You don't really want to even go there to go there to see what working out is really about this weekend was great for me because I forgot my iPod. So when I went to work out, sadly, I had to do the elliptical for 30 minutes without the

iPod stuff and it lets you think. And this is what I've been telling you from day one. You go there to put a stupid fucking movie on. It's a stupid fucking movie. Just go there to think of who the fuck Lisa is and what your next move is. When you go to jujitsu, when you go to karate, when you go to kung fu, after a month, people don't laugh at you. People applaud you for going.

Even though you're sitting in the back and you can't do all the exercises. Everything in that room knows that when they went there the first night, they couldn't do everything. Right. OK, so that's the beauty of martial arts. You know, because of UFC and all this shit, we've forgotten the beauty of martial arts. It's become we're using it for something else. You know, I don't use jujitsu to be a tough guy, man.

I really don't. I never used karate to be a tough guy. I used karate to let me know the things I couldn't do. Those punches, those breathings, those you always want to be prepared. What if there's an earthquake and you got to run out of your building when you're huffing and puffing out the six. I'll be the first one dead. So what I'm trying to say to you is right now you have this.

You have to do something else because even when you go to the gym, you don't want to face nothing. Yeah, I want you to go to something. It doesn't have to be jujitsu. If you don't want to go to Higa Machado, I know how you feel. You haven't wrestled since high school. You don't know day one. Well, guess what?

Neither did I. I never wrestled and I went and it showed me where I needed work in my life. And my meat covering those little holes, it helped me in other areas of my life. You're not going to go eight times a week. You're not going to go into competitions. You're not going to wait. But that's today. I don't know what you're going to think if you stick with it for a year.

And I don't know what you'll think when you stick with it for two years. First of all, the drive. You put your gear on. You drive to and fro. That drive again is with the radio off. It's a 20 minute ride for yourself. And even though you get aggravated, you may make a call or two. You're still thinking about your next move in your day.

You're thinking about what you're going to go do. You know what? Last week I learned an arm bar, right? From the closed guard. So this week I'm going to go try it. But I'm also going to last two minutes today when I spar. Two minutes. That's all I need to last.

I'll be fine. I'll let them arm. You know what I'm saying? You go, you make a little personal goal for yourself. And every time you go, you push and you push and you push. And now you realize that people started joining after six weeks and now you're helping them. You're seeing people that were you six weeks ago right away.

You feel better. That's the biggest confidence you could ever have in your life when you think you suck at something. And now you're seeing people come in and they're in the same shape of you and they've been lifting. They've been boxing. They've been jumping rope. But jujitsu shape is jujitsu shape.

It's different. Completely different than what you've done. Your core is fucking everything. You're back. You know, you're on your back breathing and this breathing and this choking and this learning your body's limitations will help you sleep at night. It will help you in other areas of your life. Like I said, do you think I joined jujitsu to go to tournaments or whatever?

Maybe not today. I just go to go twice a week and to learn something and to review something. And if every week I could do a little better than the week before. I'm okay. If every week I could run one half a lap or if every week I could run one extra lap or I could just do one hip escape more than I did last week. Last week I did seven. This week I tried to do eight.

Fuck, I did six. You know what? When the class is over, I'm going to do eight. Then you do six again and you go, you know what? I'm going to do another six. And now you were supposed to do eight, but you did 16. You did three times eight, which is what, 18? Three times eight is 24.

Three times eight is 24? Yeah, 24. I'm sorry. So now you have, you did 24 burpees. That's good. There's so many different variables. And I'm not just talking to you about jiu-jitsu. It could be sugar, concarati.

It could be judo. And now two days a weekly, you don't talk to Joe Diaz. You don't have to smoke pot. You don't have to be the flying Jew. You're Lisa. That's all you are. Wouldn't it be great for two days a week that you just went somewhere? You don't have to tell me where you're going.

Just go on your own. Don't tell nobody. Go on Groupon. See who's ordering the thing. You don't have to go to fucking Keegan's. Go somewhere where nobody knows you. And I guarantee Lee, you're going to call me in three weeks and go, Joey, I went to jiu-jitsu.

I fucking love it. It's so fucking hard. I almost died. But I went back and some guy kicked me in the stomach by mistake. It was so fucking fun. And when people, when you're on top of people and people are teaching you stuff and you're sweating on them, it creates a bond. It really is.

And listen, man, I'm not preaching jiu-jitsu. I'm not preaching karate. I'm not preaching judo. I don't care if you take an archery class. It's that about you, Lee. You're going to that gym. You're wasting your time. Yeah, you lost some weight.

We are doing nothing. You're getting on there. You don't think. You don't think of your next move. You want some stupid fucking show community or whatever the fuck you're watching in the office. I'm watching Gladiator. But no, I understand what you're saying.

And you have to go, Lee. You have to go just to get it over. You don't want to be 60 and go, I should have gone to jiu-jitsu. What are you going to do when you're 15? You have a kid with Paul. Are you going to still be on that stupid stand master? No. What are you going to do with your kid?

What do you think you're all going to be walking? What do you think? What's the stand master? I think you guys are going to put it on the way. You got to continue growing. You got to continue doing something. Because after Paul has a child and you get 40, you're going to put the weight back on again the same way fucking I did.

So you might as well get involved in something now that you know when you have a child, you can look at Paul and go, I'm going somewhere for fucking one hour to do jiu-jitsu. Or I'm going somewhere to learn how to do new checks. I'm going somewhere to get out of your head for an hour. When I told Di Agostino about his girlfriend, he took it the wrong way. I tell you, when we go do collie, when we go to work, we go to work. If you bring your fucking girlfriend, then you have to bring it all the time. The first time you don't bring her, she's going to say you're cheating on me.

So you got to bring them. You're going there to work. Now instead of one breakfast, you got to hawk up for two. Instead of two tickets, one ticket for the movies, you got to go two. When Lee and Joey are having fucking lunch, you got to show up at your fucking broth at the table and you can't talk about dick. Do you understand me? You go to do a way to go away.

Not because you don't love this woman, not because. No. You go away to go away, to dig into your mind, to write a joke. Maybe you fucking thought for ten minutes. You ever know what things you think about when you were alone for ten hours on a Saturday alone? How many times have I told you to get high at six o'clock? Get a notebook.

Think of the ideas you get. Go to a coffee shop, even though you don't drink coffee. Stare at these fucking mutants, drinking coffee in the computer, looking at whatever the fuck they're looking at. It's very interesting. And I told you, when you go over to that place, yeah, you lost your way, but you haven't accomplished none. You sit there and you watch some stupid movie.

I liked wrestling. I think I'm going to like Jiu Jitsu. I'm telling you. I never did it. I don't like feet. I don't like people sweat. I don't like people nothing. I'm just slow.

I don't think I was scared. I'm just slow to get, you saw how long it took me to start working out. And even if I end up going somewhere right down the street from me, I at least have to go try it out with Hagan. Like that'd be crazy not to go. Oh my God. I had such a great time last Wednesday. I'm going to go this Wednesday.

I'm going to Hagan's. What time is it on Wednesday? 11 o'clock. 11 o'clock. 12.15. And we're back up the hill at one o'clock. Nice and easy. You stop at Jersey Mike's.

Now you eat a sandwich with confidence. I get the turkey, provolone, I'm weak bread, half of it. I keep it light. So it's just carbs, you know, pretty much after you eat because you're going to go. You're going to sweat a little bit. I don't sit there. You know, one thing about me is I know if I sit there and get involved in eight fucking wrestling matches, I'm not going to walk for three days.

Then it becomes the law of diminishing returns. I go there. I do the drills. I do the exercise. I jump up and down. I roll with two or three people. I tap out and I get in my car and I go home though. It's very fucking simple.

Back to the American Airlines fucking thing here before we forget. Okay. How are you doing, kid? I'm doing great. Let's eat the fucking. I'll tell you what we'll do. You want to do more? Yeah, we're going to sample.

Oh my God. Thank God. Let's sample a caramel corn. Just so you see. This is a beautiful. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.

Tell me you're all the. No gluten. No. Sensors GMO. 120 milligrams. It's 20 doses. So you're going to live. Try this caramel corn and tell me this isn't delicious and we'll send the rest of Paula.

Okay. So what does it taste like? What? The caramel corn is good. Like what? Taste it. Taste it. You tell me.

You be the judge. Tell me that's not delicious. Camel corn. Just like you buy it a fucking high end caramel corn joint. What's the face for? I don't want to eat the microphone. I'm trying to be polite. Fuck.

Delicious. Delicious. Nutritious. Vegan. No. This is anti Dolores. The best when it comes to these fucking things. Like I said, all the edibles I get offer a different fucking bang to you.

I like to mix them up. I don't even like smoking the same weed two, three days in a row. I like buying a weed. I'll smoke it Monday and I'll put it away till Wednesday and I smoke something on Tuesday. I smoke something different, but I always got six different types of weed in the rotation. Sometimes I just smoke it on one day and I call. I tap the fuck out. You know what I'm saying?

What's with the fucking faces? I always wondered why you went to the weed store so much because you go like every day. Every day. I go check it out. Maybe they got something. Why don't I just buy like a bigger amount? Because like I just told you, it just after two or three joints, I'm back to square one. I don't get behind no more.

So I like to mix it up. When I was a kid, I'd buy pounds and I'd sell half of it and smoke half of it. And I'd save a lot of money. But after a week, I was smoking four joints to get high. I'd smoke 16 joints in a fucking day. So I'd defeat the purpose. I could have sold that and made some bakalai. You understand me?

A lot of joints. Sure. But that's how you roll. Even then. So we get there. My flight is at 6.45. Oh, yeah. I get there at 5.30.

Which means you're up at what? I didn't even sleep. I got back from the hotel room. The man on fire was on from the beginning. I ran downstairs. I smoked a joint. I got a coffee at the barn. I went upstairs on my wife's bed.

I got a coffee at the bar. I went upstairs on my wife's bed. I got a coffee at the barn. I went upstairs and watched. I did not decaf. I watched it. Then I couldn't fall asleep. But it was OK.

Because I slept 12 hours a day before. I prepared for this. I always try to prepare a little bit. I ate like a valium and slept from 9 to 12. It was fucking tremendous. So I probably slept that night like 12 hours a day before. Oh, OK. That's good.

So I was good. I got up, worked out, ate dinner. I did boat shows. And that was my day. So I basically got there. I had some. Oh, the breakfast was horrible. I never eat eggs that are not in yoke at the airport.

I never eat scrambled eggs. Like if I go somewhere and they have eggs scrambled, I don't eat them. What are they? They're powdered milk fucking water fucking eggs. Like that subway sandwich shit. Oh, I would never get that. Oh my God.

So the other day I'm starving in Michigan. And I'm too early to do radio. So the only thing was open by the radio place with subway sandwiches instead of supermarket. I got a fucking egg sandwich on wheat with green peppers and some else. I took two bites of it and I just threw it away. But at least I didn't pass out from lack of sugar

or from not eating. You follow me? It was so fucking bad. They have those powdered eggs. They haven't already made. Like I was at that one once. And they knew them. Yeah.

At like midnight and they just pulled it out from the back. Disgusting. Fucking disgusting. It's pure cancer. You might as well jump in a river in Jersey. You know what I'm saying? You're going to get pure fucking cancer. So I ate that through the way.

And then when I went to the bagel place on Sunday, they only had a bagel place in McDonald's. So I went to the bagel place. I was going to get all the bagels with Stamina bagels. So I ended up getting a fucking plane with turkey and cream cheese and the tomato. And it held me because I don't want to get on a plane and have a problem.

And it held me. We get on the plane. We board the plane at 6.15. First class upgrade. No fucking drama. Nice seat. Second, it's cold on the plane. I put my hood and sweatshirt on.

I'm ready a nappy noonoo. There's been a maintenance problem. Get off the plane. The plane's going to take off at 10. So we take off at 10 fucking o'clock. We get on the plane. We're in the air about an hour. And all of a sudden the thing comes on.

There's tornadoes in the area. We're not going to land in Dallas. We're going to land in Wichita, Kansas. So we land in Wichita Hills, Kansas, or some shit. You got to see this airport. Beautiful. No food. Just two vending machines and two fucking gates.

They won't let us out. I saw fucking TSA sit down for maybe two hours without a customer. Okay. And a cop was in there. They wouldn't let us out of the building. No food. I had beef jerky.

Beef jerky and a bag of fucking trail mix. That's what I ate. Balance lunch. We sat there for three hours. From there, we took off to Dallas. We got to the tarp. We sat on the tarp for fucking two and a half hours. I got on the airport at six o'clock.

You should have seen those desks that were packed. There was bad weather, but ours was a maintenance problem that if they would have had fit. My beef was this. Why don't the mechanics come in at six and warm up the plane and check the plane before the plane takes off? You're going to tell me once you get on the fucking plane? That's lack of professionalism, especially for the fucking plane,

the amount of money we spent for plane tickets. I called you last week. Tell these people what's going on to go to Boston in June. Like 700 bucks? 700 bucks with taxes. It used to be 300. How much was Virgin? Six, you told me.

We asked them 580. 580 we talked about. Guys, that's a lot of fucking money. I hope you have crews on 24 hours of inspecting these planes. Might as well. Okay. So they throw us off the flight. You know, now two hours fueling.

They hit you with that fueling thing. I never seen planes fuel so fucking much. Did you get from Dallas to LA? We were at Wichita for three fucking hours. Now we're on a tarp for two. I get in. It's fucking packed. Since I had a platinum thing, the lady goes,

go to the ambassador's club, whatever the fuck it is, Admo's club, where Burke Christia drinks himself to death, and get your ticket re-bordered or they'll give you a hotel room. Between me and you guys, I just wanted to come home. I got to leave on Wednesday. Go do that fucking video game up in San Francisco. I just wanted to come home and spend three days with my family. It was Mother's Day.

Now I'm on a tarp. You know, I didn't yell on the tarp. I didn't do nothing. First off, I went prepared. I had two things, a nasal spray. I had one fucking green hornet and I had two cheaper chews. You know me. For a flight.

And I found a vapor pen with half of that stuff in it. The juice left. Oh, yeah. The dab and the vapor pen. So I was hitting dabs at the airport. So I was tuned up. At the airport at six o'clock, I was so fucking tuned up and I hadn't eaten.

So I looked on the board and I saw that there was a seven o'clock. It was six, ten when I landed in Dallas. There was a seven o'clock flight, an eight, ten flight, an eight, thirty flight with a connection to Phoenix, and a nine, forty flight. I looked at the gate where the nine, forty flight was and I rushed there. And everybody was on that line for an hour, dog.

So three hours on the tarmac, two at the fucking airport all the way around, and two hours early. Now I'm an hour standing on line. And I got American Airlines calling me back within an hour and a half to two and a half hours. They told me they're going to call you. Right, yeah. I get up to the fucking thing and they're like

talking about Tuesday morningly. But there was a flight at nine, forty. And since I had to upgrade the first-class ticket and the platinum level, they said, we'll try to get you on standby. I said, tell me right now if I can get on. That's the last flight. There's not. Let me go to a hotel room.

The lady looked me in the eye and she goes, you're getting on. Okay, I went and got barbecue at Dickies, which was terrible with some cheese and some fucking coleslaw. But the coleslaw was the best thing on the fucking dish. I mean, I ate half of the barbecue meat. Two or three pieces of macaroni and cheese. And I just walked around, stoned to the gills. I fueled up the phone, you know.

So now what do you think happens at nine, forty? We line up at nine, ten. And as we're going to go board, there's something wrong with the fucking plane. No, no, no, no, no, no. The store this is didn't get here. What? So just go.

You don't need drinks? So now we don't board until nine, forty. The third store this shows up. Okay. We sit on the plane for 20 minutes. We're ready to board. There's a maintenance problem. We'd be bored to playing me.

Now we wait a half hour. It's 10 o'clock. I'm not coming home. I'm in Dallas. Now we wait a fucking hour and then they held out that they switched the boarding gate to something else. I got to run and get on a fucking train and go get over there on that plane.

We get there. What do you think they tell us? Move back. We're waiting for a store this. Another store. What happened to the store? This is from the other fucking plane. Well, since they were assigned to that plane,

they can't come on this plane. Guys, you have no fucking idea. This is American Airlines. Okay. Then guess who comes trotting along? That's the three stories from the other fucking plane. So they bought us. And then before we're about to take off,

they go, listen, just to let you know, they didn't do a maintenance check on this plane. The light just came on. I got it handled. If the light comes on again, we got to go back and do maintenance. And that might take two hours, which means three or four hours,

which means you might as well make those six in the fucking morning. Yeah. But everything went. I landed at one something. When I landed, I was smart enough because those flights were earlier. I knew my luggage was going to be there. So I ran through that area.

Everybody else ran through the luggage thing. And I'm like, you guys were at the airport for five or six hours. Your luggage is already here. I saw my luggage by the escalators. I was walking off. I went right for it. Cross the street, got in the car,

and I drove home. My wife cooked. I ate. I stayed up till like 3 30 in the morning. I couldn't even fall asleep. I was so fucking tired. That's a long fucking day, man. That's a long fucking day.

So I wrote my grievance today. I wrote what I wanted. And let's see what happens. That's great. That's what I want to like the, the wedding in Vermont and at the wedding, they canceled my flight and I had to drive to Albany. They gave you what?

What do you mean? You said they gave you points or something like that. They didn't give me shit. They gave you guts. You gotta ask. The doctor just gave me like 5,000 points for a flight they fucked up. So what I wrote to American Airlines

was it was a mechanical problem. You know, you can't have that many mechanical problems when I'm paying the money I'm paying for the plane tickets. I understand there's bad weather. And I understand that people have bad days. This was just too many bad things happening to us. It was one thing after the fucking another. You know, I was waiting for my luggage not to get there

or for the car not to stop. It was one of those days. But you know what, man? I went to Michigan for five shows. I had a great time. Some people gave us a lottery ticket. Some people fucking took care of us. Some guys sent you a card.

Yeah, thank you. Where's I want to be around? Coxsuckers. Put that on a little music there. It's Monday, May 11th. Coxsuckers, get out there. Wash your helmet. I just realized how much I loved Tony Bennett this morning.

Dustin's a wacky, thank you. We'll do it again in the proper way, Coxsuckers. Dustin's a wacky. Uh-oh. You know what time it is? It's time for an edible, at least. No, we're good. What are we doing next?

So what do we have? We have the brownies so far. And we've had the caramel corn. Do you want to do a cocoa sparkle cookie? Nope. Let's do a cocoa sparkle cookie. I can't do anymore. Yes, you can, man.

There's nothing. Look, it's 10 million. Look at it. Look at my face. It's fine. Look at your face. If you want to do that, we'll do a piece of pretzel and then we'll pour them like that.

Eat one like this. Oh, my goodness. And this is a cocoa sparkle cookie, 200 milligrams. Vegan, low glycemic. This is good for you. Eat the cookie. Please. Please.

We're doing this more quickly. We're in bad shape. Anti-Balores work hard to send us this on the fucking arm. Look what she's done to me so far. Huh? Look what she's done to me so far. The pretzel, the caramel corn was not even 8 milligrams. Five.

Yeah. You don't even have 120 in you. Yes, I did. Nah. You're a liar. You're a liar. I take care of you, Lee. I got your back.

How delicious is that? Lugafreed, chocolatey. Nice. You don't taste the weed in this thing, Lee. I'm not tasting much of anything right now, Joey. That's good. That's what he's supposed to do. Oh.

You don't want to taste nothing anyway. You don't want to have a guilty conscience. Something really weird going on at the house. Let me give some shout-outs real quick. I'm going to talk about this. Okay. I want to give my man Martin a shout-out for the lottery ticket. We didn't win the dick, but brother, I love you.

Thank you for coming to the Grand Rapids show. My man Todd Lightly. Larva, whatever your fucking name is. Wait till dusk. Wait for dusk. Nick, my man Nelia Samuels. My man Harry Henderson. My man Jose Gaitan.

And Matt Winnipeg. I love you cocksuckers. We're all in my heart, people. What are you giggling about? You already got the papers and shit like a little kid. What am I going to do with you? I hit you in the head with one of those hitty sticks. Take it away.

Something weird is happening at the house. I'm going to talk to you guys in a while on a personal level. After Sissy, I put Sissy down about five days later. I had to put my cat Fidel down, who I had for 13 fucking years. Fidel was just a great cat. My wife is still shattered. In fact, it was Saturday that a week we put him down. And Saturday I was thinking about my mom because it was her birthday.

And Fidel was more overwhelming. I couldn't believe how much I miss Fidel. I miss his walk. I looked at a picture of him and he was just a fucking beautiful. But he lost like 18 pounds. He was small at the end. He was very tiny. He wasn't heavy.

He was a shell of what he was. Fidel was a great cat. Fidel would, if you didn't, if you shit in a little box and didn't cover it up, Fidel would whack you. And then he'd cover it up and whack you and that. Come find you and whack you. Fidel was very loving. He was very gentle.

He was the first cat to mess with me. Yeah. Fidel loved everybody. Fidel would jump on your chest and rub your face with his face. He just meant well. He loved Damon. I called Damon and told him your buddy had to put him down. Damon wasn't shocked.

Fidel was just, I've been very blessed with great cats and they got problems, but they're great cats. And I always felt that when you give an animal love, you know, you give them nothing but love and you're honest with them and you fucking, they love that. They do anything for that shit. And Fidel was just one of those guys. And the deal was we're going to put him down on Monday,

but Saturday when we got back from swimming with the child, he was in the little box half in half out. He wasn't even strong enough to come out of the cat with a box. My wife asked me, we started talking about it. We go, let's take him down. My wife was broken for two fucking days. My wife loved that cat. I mean, it was so sad.

And I loved the cat with all my heart. We lost two cats in one week. But as Fidel was, me and my wife were talking, I looked at my three boys and I said, it's about to go down. It's like the king of the house. It's a power struggle. And I was going to be a power struggle. You got two cats already that don't like each other.

And super bad always attacks Demi every fucking night. At some point I hear them struggling and Demi doesn't like super bad at all. Really? Yeah, Demi doesn't like super bad. Demi's very nice, but he just doesn't like super bad. Super bad gives him the fucking grief. Super bad comes next to him. He gets up and comes by me.

It's a very weird thing. So I didn't know. It took a while. It took him about a week to notice that Fidel was gone. And when I got in Sunday night, my wife was telling me, oh my God, it's been a hell of a week with them fighting. Demi's got a scratch on his face. Harry's got a scratch on his face.

Harry fought? Oh, Harry fights super bad three times a day. Harry's such a sweet heart. No, Harry and super bad have been like the Dylan's and the McCoys. Who are those people from the South? Hatfield and McCoy. Hatfield. They've been like that since day one.

They just don't like each other. And every time they fucking get around each other, their heads stick out. But my wife said it's been horrible. Like before it was just two scratches and they both go to their corners. Now they're tangling. I haven't seen them tangle yet. But today I saw something very weird. For years super bad's been taking Demi.

For years super bad's been just super bad's a fucking street savage. He's just tiny, but he's a dirty street cat. Super bad. When you pick super bad up and you look at him and you kiss him, you're like, I love your super bad. But you're a fucking dirty fucking street cat. His head is tiny. His body's big.

He's just a warped little motherfucker that has a lot of heart. And I love him. He saved me. So I can't throw him to the world. But he's not my ideal fucking cat of the year. Nothing like that. He's not? He's a fucking dirty ass motherfucker.

But that's why I love him. He's got class. So today something happened fucking. Demi was on the couch and super bad jumped up like three feet from him. And Demi just went over and swatted him and super bad cowed down. Which in any other day of the week, super bad would fucking attack him. And I saw last night that super bad and Harry were having a problem and super bad hid behind the fucking thing.

Because it's basically about age. Age of age. Like an age thing. So my wife said that Demi and Gray got into it too the other night. But Gray hates Demi. Gray fucking hates Demi. It's so weird how I look at these cats and I learn to see their different personalities. But I was looking for the power vacuum.

And it's what really baffles me, Lee, that this happens in corporations. That's how primitive we are. What happened to corporations? Okay, so you're a college guy. You just came in from college and I've been there for 10 years. And also I'm one day the fucking CEO of whatever comes in and he says, I'm quit, okay? I'm giving my resignation.

This has been great, but I'm going to go work at NBC. Right away you put your fucking antenna up and you go home and tell your girlfriend that your opportunity is here. You're going to take over this division. I'm my wife. I'm going for it. And then there's some fucking pipsqueak and accounting that he's been there longer than you and I and he wants that position.

So what happens? A slight but subtle thing starts like a little war. Very slight, very subtle, but it exists. It's there. You know, attention between people. And then it's the ass kissing, who works later hours. It's terrible. Yes, it's terrible.

But it shows us how primitive we are. Then you have the side of the street. You have drug dealers and mafia campaigns and Russians and everything. Same thing happens. Some guy goes to prison. He doesn't appoint a fucking nobody who goes to prison once you appoint somebody. I'm the boss. I'll run this thing from prison.

No, you're not. You're going to run it from prison, but you still need somebody out there to run that fucking operation for you. Okay. Okay. And boom, when there's not somebody, there's going to be a problem because it goes down because even if, okay, so let's say I got to report to Lee, even if, even if just by me reporting to Lee, that puts me in a different eye.

So I would come to my guys and go, listen, give me your envelopes. I'm going to report to Lee in prison. There's probably going to be two people who were appointed to Lee in prison and one other guy, like a son, that's telling them what's really going on because I'm going to go up that thing with a story and he's going to go up there with a story because eventually the guys that are dealing with you are going to get the next call to be you. So now it's one against the other, but that same exists with cats. One cat dies.

The elder one, like when Demi died, Fidel had to fill his void. So Fidel became more vocal. It was really weird. Demi was always very vocal. Finny. It was always very vocal. When Finny died, Fidel became very vocal to the point where you wanted to fucking strangle him, but you loved him so much, but he became very vocal because he thought

that's how he had to act. And I saw this and I was like baffled on how fucking much, you know, how our brain works from the smallest level of cats. It's crazy how involved you are because you spend a ton of time with those cats, like when you're up late at night by yourself. Like you, like you know your cats. Like when I had, when you asked me to go feed them, you're like, okay, you got to put this bowl here, but make sure it's this bowl, not just any bowl, because so and so will

only eat over here. It's hysterical. And you got to mix these two together. And like you were like, listen, they're not going to eat if you don't put it there. So please put it there. And like you just know. If you miss it, Harry will not eat anywhere else. They could be food in 10 bowls.

I will not touch it if it's not by the cabinet. Fidel wouldn't eat if it wasn't by the garbage by the door by himself. The girls, they eat together, the boys eat together. That's just little quarks cat have, but it shows me that you have a choice as an animal even. You know what I'm saying? Like how cool is it that these motherfuckers like I'm not eating out of his bowl? This is my bowl.

I want it right there. I remember Fidel fucking crying because his bowl would be under the cabinet instead of by the garbage can. He wouldn't eat. He wouldn't fucking eat. You just wanted to be by himself? No, he wants it to be by the garbage can. I've learned so much about the cats that in turn it's helped me learn about myself.

Like when I first had the cats, I would go home at night and get coked up. And in the middle of my coke up, I played with the cats. That was my entertainment. I'd be a little paranoid, but I'd be petting the cats and by petting the cats, it would control me. It says that people, what's the statistic that people who own cats or animals live a lot more. Yeah, I'm sure.

Now in prison, they're giving cats to inmates. That's what I see. I'm an MSNBC. When I got those cats, I started really thinking about quitting blow. I got to be honest with you because I was so involved with them when they came in. I knew that the coke and their involvement in my comedy and all the other shit I had going on at the time, it fills the void, man. Those cats really filled the void for me.

They helped me take my mind off a lot of things. I owe a lot to those cats. I can't give them, I can't give six cats on now, whatever we have, but I can't give six cats attention 20 minutes each a day. I don't have it, but every day I spent time with one or the other. Today it was Lulu and Superbat. Today it was Lulu. I got on my hands and knees and I kissed her and I brushed her and I rubbed her stomach

and she was so excited. She was meowing hard. She started to purr when I would scratch her back. And in turn it relaxes me, man. It's really calmed me down. It's really, I don't know, it's made me a better person having a pet. And that's why I advocate having a pet because I understand. But there's people who get pets and can't take care of them.

Everybody's got to be on the, you know, you have to be ready for a pet. You know when you're ready for a pet. You're like, you know what? I got some security. I'm ready. I have a partner. I have a plan. You know?

Well, it's crazy how many people don't because like when I was looking for a dog, I went to the pound a few times. There's a ton of dogs there. And then down by where Paul live, there's a ton of stray dogs. Oh, just walking around. It's crazy. It's fucking crazy. I couldn't imagine just abandoning an animal.

I don't know how they live with themselves. You know, years ago when the stock market fell and people were losing their homes, that was the biggest complaint that people were leaving fucking animals behind. And I don't know. I made a commitment. Before I made that commitment, I really thought it out and you know me. You've been around me for a couple of years now. I don't even like taking big.

I don't like me and my wife gone together. Right. Yeah. It spooks the shit out of me because it makes me anything could happen to these animals. I don't want them. I love these animals. If I was gone in Aruba, I can't even relax knowing that they're alone, that somebody's coming in.

When I always actually take care of them, what do I say to you? Sit with them for an hour. Yeah, watch TV. Put the TV on. They love all that shit. They come out and they'll play. And you got on. And next thing you know, you had plans.

I don't know how many times I've had plans to just play and also the next thing I'm there an hour on the floor with them. And I'm having a great time when Demi used to, when I used to put the notebook paper up and then he would run through it. He would? Yeah. Like, you know, like a bullfighter. Yeah.

When Demi was a kid, he would run through the paper and he would run through it, run through it and he broke it in half. Well, I do that 80 times. He broke it in half. And when he broke it in half, I go get another fucking piece. You know, they're entertaining. It's great to get a dog. Today, I was getting my hair cut and I heard about a lady who saved the dog on 405.

Somebody dragged the dog and left him for dead. I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't know what to do. I knew, I think I'd fall apart if I saw a dog in that shape. I really would cry. And you know, when I see cats getting hit with squirrels and they're still half alive, it breaks my fucking heart. If you're going to hit a fucking animal, kill them.

Do me the favor. Kill them. Drag them down the corner and let them fucking live in that pain with a broken arm. How about I do that fucking shit to you? You know, if you're going to be a fucking criminal, I'd rather you kill the animal and leave it there for fucking dead and then somebody gets stuck with an $8,000 fucking thing and the cat's walking with a limp and a fucking cane the rest of his life. What's up, Lisa?

What's up in your world, cock sucker? I have a, I'm trying, and I wanted to talk to you about it. I'm trying to pitch to TV shows that they should have a companion podcast. And I've been on a couple of meetings and like they liked it, but they're having a hard time understanding like where it would be helpful. Like they were like, how could we do like a lot of episodes? Like they didn't understand it beyond interviewing the different departments. And like I have another meeting Wednesday, but it's cool because I met this guy on a

periscope. Like he's a producer who's been saying like hearing TV pitches. So I emailed him and we have a meeting, but I think what it's going to take is like someone to understand social media to be able to do it. And it's just, it's kind of weird. Like how many times have you pitched something and you think it's like a great idea, but no, they just don't understand it. Well, they, they find the holes and it's like everything else.

Like I told you the other day on the phone, when you pitch something, it could be anything. I don't care what you're pitching the, the, the nucleus of this whole thing makes you a salesman. Yeah. You're selling me your dream. You're selling me your idea. So what you have to do is you have to write the advantages and then within yourself, look at the disadvantages.

You know, when somebody, when somebody builds a great alarm, what do they do? They go to prisons and they get the best fucking burgers in the world. The best. And they pay them and they go, I want you to break into my fucking house for $100,000. I'm going to give you $100,000. You don't have to steal money. Just break it to my house. And they look for gaps in their game before they present that alarm.

And what the offers are, they do that. Okay. You ever see a, what's the movie with Charlize Theron and Italian job, Italian job in the beginning. She's cracked safes. You know, she taught, you know, that's, what was I talking about? I'm not, I'm not exactly sure. As far as I was ready though.

It's supposed to be immediately. I was selling stuff. What were we talking about? Selling stuff. So selling stuff. So you have to look at it. You know, they want to see what the holes are in your game. You're a young guy.

So you look at the advantages of it. Let me tell you what the disadvantage. Tell me the disadvantages of it. The disadvantage of first door, when you go in there, what did I tell you a couple of weeks ago about clubs that don't know about a podcast, right? It destroys my insights because this is what's feeding your electricity bill. This is what's keeping your lights on right now. Six or seven guys that have podcasts that are coming through here and the fans come

out, they smoke weed, they eat podcast to me. If you don't know what a podcast is right now, shame on you. I know people will say, you know what? I've never listened to them, but I know it's like something like a radio show. Right. Boom. Okay. We're halfway there.

I don't even know the advantages. What are the advantages of having this fucking podcast? Let's say you went and pitched, does the walking dead have a podcast? Yeah. Not an official one, but they do. That's why. Is it the cast members? No, it's not.

Is it the Nerdist? No, it's AfterBuzzTV. And I'm sure they're nice people. I've never met them, but I did some research because I used to work for Hell's Kitchen. So that's what I was pitching to. So Hell's Kitchen has one through them, but it's like a radio host interviewing people over the phone. It doesn't even sound good.

And that's not the point. Like the point of it would be to have the host of the show or somebody involved like a past winner host. I liked it with the sons of Anarchy did. Sons of Anarchy had a post show. The problem with the post show is they had a terrible fucking host and they had it on the air and you tape it half the time. You realize that 60% of the people are taping it.

Well, those people that are divin on it, those are the fucking podcast people you want. So if I was Kurt Sutter for FX, what would you, what would you pitch Kurt Sutter after season three? You'd say have a podcast where because in 22 minutes you can't really get into a good discussion. If you could have one writer on. Okay. No, see, that's where you fucked up.

You're going to go in there and the first thing you got to do is explain the podcast, explain what it does for the careers of 20 fucking people, not even Joe Diaz, explain what it's done for Adam Corolla and how Joe Rogan and how Mark Marin, that's what you have to sell. Oh yeah, I said that. Okay. No, you didn't. You have to sell that.

And then you have to fucking get a list of TV shows that have a podcast and TV shows that don't. Okay. You have to do research league and you got to see what the differences is in numbers. And then how is this going to have contagious to you and you have to get a show that they have and already have the podcast planned out. So let's say you were pitching Kurt Sutter. Oh, the executive of Fox, you'd say, okay, so we need a common host, somebody who's not

on the show that interferes. That's where Lisa comes in. Okay. Or anybody else. Just a regular guy that's a fan of the show that'll be the third voice to hear from. And you have Kurt Sutter and you have one of the people that were in that episode and right after the show or on the set while you're shooting it. You could you stream it and put it up on whatever or Fox net it.

You know, they probably have, they make this shit look like fucking, you know, and that's what you do. And you release that. The Wednesday morning after the show is on Tuesday night. I'm just taking sons of Anarchy ladies and gentlemen. That is your plan. If you do that, okay. What is the advantage to the show?

How many viewers am I going to get more than what I'm doing right now? If I think $3,000 a weekend for this league, which is 12 grand, I'll get sponsors to cover it. I'll get thoughts and I'll get fucking big time people. How is this going to be advantageous in my show? Tell me. I think you'd get more, more viewers. You get people who will just find the show.

But then what I think the best part for you is, is maybe not that year, maybe six seasons down the road. But you get, when you have a common host or you have someone who's invested in it, is people get invested in them. I have so many fucking cool people with me on the podcast that if I was going to go do something, I know they support me. They'd support us if we ever did a Kickstarter. If the show, the show's goal is to get extended.

There was a bunch of cancellations this past week. You don't think so? You're not selling the podcast. You're selling garbage. Okay. You're selling garbage. That's what the problem is. How many numbers?

I want numbers. I don't know. What the fuck is, how much, how many more viewers am I going to get from the podcast? Because there's no way to know that. No. There's no way to know that. So this is what's going to happen. You've got to sell them the advantage if they don't have the podcast, that don't have

the podcast. Right now anybody can have a TV show, but America has grown over the years. They want more. They want social network. They want more. Yeah. We applaud that Charlie Hunan and all the fucking people have Twitter and that's great. Do they do it themselves?

We don't fucking know. We're making $80,000 a week. What the fuck? They can't buy Twitter, but we need a common ground for people to tap into. Maybe listen to one of the guys talk about acting. Maybe how he got involved in acting. Maybe story. There's always a great guest star.

You know, they had fucking the player, whatever, but what, what, what happens if they don't have a podcast as a sailor? What's next? The pretzel. What happens if they don't have a podcast? People lose interest. Will the show get canceled? Yes.

No. What you're going to sell them, what you're going to sell them, what you're going to sell them is. And I don't know. I'd have to think about this. Do you want to know numbers? Always talk to viewers. When you go to those meetings, people talk numbers.

When I sold sports information on the phone, I didn't talk numbers. I talked money. The bottom line. That bottom line is Geetis. How are we going to make Geetis on this show? Why am I taking two hours on my week to do this fucking podcast for a show? Duncan Trussell always says that if he was on a TV show, he'd do his own podcast every week because he communicate with the viewers to make your bond to the viewers strong.

So in your season four, when fucking Breaking Bad 2 comes on or hanging out with Saul, your people don't leave. Right. And they're they're actually doing podcasts, by the way. There you go. So that's your fucking leg up. Now, again, let me ask you a question. Because Breaking Bad was a success, okay, the show that he had this fucking Gilligan fucking

moron. Yeah, the show got canceled. You see, because all these idiots think that once they do one, they could do 20 and they think they're fucking special geniuses and they're fucking not stick to one show. What the fuck, you know, this guy did Breaking Bad that he had. Well, podcasts weren't around when Breaking Bad started. They were more popular towards the end. Right.

But let's call Saul. Who does the podcast? Them. He doesn't. He doesn't. And he has other guests on. The actor. Vin Novinza.

Vin Diesel. Vin Gilligan. Vin Gilligan. I would love to have Vin Diesel. Vin Gilligan does the podcast himself. Yeah. That's genius. Yeah.

And that's what you have to sell right there. That's the guy that saw a vision. That's the guy that saw a view. Let's compare. Let's look at. And now you have to break down shows. Let's look at what a spin-off does in television. Look at it with the spin-offs on all TV shows that have been around and see what they do

if they last and compare the numbers and see what the numbers are on Saul right now. And that's what you're selling the podcast on. There you go. Okay. So you have to do the research on what spin-off shows. So let's say there was a show called Married with Children. There was a spin-off. I see what you're saying.

I'm seeing how that show did and compare it to how. Who the fuck do you think if you're going to be a salesman Lee you've got to sell money and percentages to TV people. Yeah. If you're going that way. This fucking kid though is you know if you're going to do a $10,000 presentation if you're not going to sell a $10,000 thing with a $10 presentation right. I want your presentation to be tip top.

I don't want you going to another pitch meeting unless your presentation when you go in there you got to be prepared for made is that you have four points and the last one the whole time you're always closing. Okay. So after each fucking tidbit you tell them you're going to tell them what's going to happen to that show if they don't fucking get a podcast and you're looking straight in the fucking eye and the first one who talks fucking loses and then you go into your another fucking stomach your speech and again you let them know again this is what's going on.

So your first one you're going to tell them the history of the podcast and the shows that are existing in the podcast and then you're going to tell them why their show should do a podcast and then you're going to tell them what'll happen if their show doesn't do a fucking podcast. Okay. And then you're going to pitch the podcast to them. You're going to tell them who's going to do it when and how and when it has to be up. Okay.

Because don't let them think of a fucking original deal. None of those motherfuckers have had an original idea since 1962. They're fucking dummies. And what did I tell you? You have to go in there assuming they're fucking morons because that's what they are. You know how many people are not on Twitter? How many comedians after the success of Twitter and podcasts still refused to do a podcast with Twitter, but still sit there and fucking, you know, tell you how you're lucky, YouTube,

whatever, how many of them, how many fucking people, how long will it last for? That's what you're selling. And if you sell it with that passionately, you'll get it. Right now you only pitch once or twice. You're not going to sell none in your first two pitches unless you're fucking Johnny Rotten. You're learning the ropes. You're learning the objections. If this is what you want to do.

There's a show out there that needs a part modern family to a podcast, not an official one. Okay. So now who does the Nerdist do a podcast for? I thought he did a show after that fucking show with Zombo's and shit on AMC, the walking dead. Yeah. Well, he did.

He did a TV show. Okay. It was a TV show. So the same thing. Podcast TV show. I guarantee that I will get more people to download the podcast than that after fucking show. That's another thing.

Yeah. No, I want you to go in there with the numbers. I don't want you to tell me. But you can't. I don't have access to anybody's podcasts. You got them. Make up numbers. Go in there and make up fucking numbers.

Okay. Make up the debt. What do they know? Either they're going to leave and go to your office and check. They're going to be so blown away from your fucking thing that you can sell them whatever the fuck you want. You can tell them 18%, 92% in 1983 when this show came up with a sequel or a fucking spin-off. These were the numbers.

The show lasted two years. So far, now, what makes all that much better? They're living in 2015. You're selling 2015, not 2008 because they don't know, Lee. And what do people do? Why don't you go to Jiu-Jitsu? Why don't you lift weights, Lee? Because people who are scared of things don't want to try them.

I got to leave. So when you go in there, you got to think from your perspective. How many times is Joey going to tell me to do fucking push-ups or to lift the fucking dumbbell just to do something different and I don't do it? You're going to have to sell it from that perspective to them while they have to do the podcast. And that's it. That's the pitch.

I pitched a lot and I always left with a hole in it. I remember these guys approaching one time. And they wanted to pitch a detective that had a martial arts school and he worked with the mayor behind the scenes. It was a great idea. But they wanted me to wear a kung fu suit to the fucking pitch, like a Chinese one where they roll up and I refused to do it because I said you're using a prop to close a TV show. That's never worked.

You got to sell money and how this is going to fucking profit you with the least. Same thing when I come to you. What do you want? You want more money for less time. And how is this going to affect you, Lee? Three years from now, your show will not get canceled because you develop a bond with the public. They have an email where people can hit emails up from the thing.

This is a complete social media thing. You're going to put a complete social media together. You're going to work closely with their social media department. And that's how you sell this thing. Thank you. Because they don't know what they're doing and they don't want to deal with anything. They think you're going to call them up in two in the morning and say, hey, the Ustream was down.

They don't want to deal with that. They want to go to their parties and ha, ha, ha, and then a year when the show's successful, they'll take the. Yes, that was my idea to put the podcast for the show. Right. Yeah. So what's the story next week in Coxuck? You coming to Las Vegas?

Hell, yeah. You bringing Paula? No. You coming by yourself? Are you staying at the South Point with me? Sure. Let me get your room. Yeah.

That'd be cool. Talking later is going to come. Low discounted rooms. The Agostino's going to come. We're going to eat fucking pasta. You're driving? Sure. Yeah.

Careful. You can't get a ticket now. I checked it. It was like 300 and then I was like, there's cabs. One way. One way. No, no, no. I found a round trip today from Burbank.

Really? Yeah. On what? Southwest. Really? But it was just like, then you have to get a cab to the South Point. I might as well just drive. I like driving.

No. If you come with me on Friday morning, the South Point will pick us up, take us right down on a junkie. What time? What time Friday morning? 6.30. Okay. See if it's still available.

I will. You going to gamble? No, I can't. Yes, you can. Oh, I'm excited though. I had a bet on the Patriots 2 in the Super Bowl, so I won 100 bucks. All right, so talk to me about this. Talk to me about what happened today.

I went to the gym and I saw that they suspended Tom Brady for four games for the deflator ball. Now who suspended them and who did this investigation because I knew nothing about it. I thought that it was dead six months ago. No, they were pissed off. They had this guy. Are we doing a little piece of the star debt just to complete them? No. I'm going to read four, five different edibles tonight, at least I have.

I'm good. And we're still standing like soldiers. This is why I love you. You got fucking clash. You got style. You got mink, yangordica, personality. Thanks. What do you think you're dealing with?

This isn't the fucking podcast I wanted, but we got the best of what we got on the Monday night. We got the message. We wanted to level out with you people because we've had guests the last fucking eight things. Tomorrow we got Sebastian Montescalco at 1 30. So get ready for that. Lee, we don't have to get high tomorrow. You're right.

I don't believe you. So someone write someone note the time on Twitter at 9 33 and what tomorrow at 1 30 you're going to be like here. Have a piece. Sure. But it's Tuesday tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to feel tomorrow. Right now.

I'm not going to feel like getting high tomorrow, especially after the smorgasbord. But Tuesday tomorrow is the fucking 12. You know what happened on Tuesday, the 12th, May 12th. We got high. No, something happened. Something fucking happened. We got to celebrate it. Lee.

So you don't know what happened to him. They got to spend the four game. Well, they lost two draft picks. They got five a million dollars. Yeah. It was like the highest ever. Fine. I don't know if he did it and the report only said he probably did.

So they didn't even, they couldn't prove it, but he, I mean, he probably did. But I think they don't, they usually appeal and then maybe his suspension will get cut by two games or something. I didn't listen to the guys. I don't know. I just seen it come on the big screens and in a way, now I feel bad for people because when that fucking white boy comes back and starts throwing darts after those four weeks, it's going to be scary.

They have to spend it for four games. It's like throwing fucking gasoline on a business. And it's good because you're old, so like it could be good to save them for four games. Yeah. For four games. He's just going to come out. Who they got those four games. Let me check.

I saw who they had those four games. I think the Raiders, somebody else, it really doesn't matter. I usually don't talk football on here, but fuck it. This is something that happened today. A lot of people like Tom Brady. I'm a fan of Tom Brady's. I don't. Lee, you didn't eat the pretzel.

I'm way too hot. No, no. You gotta eat the pretzel. The pretzel is the last thing on the fucking thing. And we'll split this green horn and then we'll go home like gentlemen. What do you think? And we'll do a Calvicated Things tonight. Why?

Yeah. The pretzel is three milligrams. They're fucking my friend's favorite in Jersey. All right. First four. Oh, oh no. Let's see what you got here. Okay.

What we got? Well, fuck. Okay. So we start out with Pittsburgh, which is not good, Buffalo, which is not looking not good. Then we got Jacksonville, which is fine. And then we have a buy and then we have at Dallas, which sucks. So yeah, it's not an easy four games.

Who gives a fuck? Well, people are very excited about you putting those things on YouTube. You know, you had to put them on. Well, yeah. I don't care who's taking them down, at least give them the opportunity. Yeah, we just got, we got locked out of our account. And so we just go back into it and then I put them up. Sometimes they get taken down, but they should all be up.

My GMAC account from the, from the YouTube, from the website got closed. I don't know what happened over the weekend. I tried to switch it over and I lost it. If you're trying to send me an email and I haven't re-answered your back, it's nothing. I don't love you. So I can't fucking get to it. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. I'm going to do this.

You might have to come over to my Tommy, what the fuck to do? So if you've emailed me, I know my man Noah from the agency, tried to contact me about a book and we were supposed to talk on Friday and I opened up my email this morning. It was gone. Uh, Daniel sent me a fucking email that he said he sent me an email. So please, if you sent an email recently to beauty, uh, the church on, on the website, uh, joeydeas.net, and I haven't answered it's not because I don't love you. It's because I can't fucking get to the goddamn email.

So yeah. So, but yeah, we're in. What happened to the pretzel, Lee? I don't want to hear that. Come on, man. Come on. No, I already ate 10 of them. Let's go.

What split? Just throw it down like a soldier. That's a three milligram pretzel. These are all novelty things. What do you do? We're not even that high. You're really not. You're really not.

Think about it. You're not high. You're high on the, see, look how nice you are. See how nice. And the guy for it just hit me up from anarchy edibles or picking up new stars, a bunch of little stars of debt. So we're back, Lee. We're fueled up constantly.

And I just want to know, like I said before, these guys don't sponsor me. These guys don't pay me a fucking dime. They send me the product. I sample this stuff. You know, people send me vapor pens. I can't really mess with vapor pens because I have nailed the life as a sponsor and they're my vapor pen of choice. So I really can't help you with vapor pens.

But if you have an edible and you want me to try it, let me know. I'll fucking go to the store and buy it. I'll let you know my true fucking review. But don't show up with some shit. You better show up with something 300 milligrams or 200 milligrams that fucking knock them down. Don't waste my time. If you fucking around.

I don't want to eat a big cookie. I don't want to eat a bag of goldfish, the smaller, the better. We go for little things that are atomic. You understand me? It'd be funny if someone gave you a bad one and then you'd do like a bad review. I got to give them a bad review. I can't let fucking people eat bad fucking edibles. Every edible I fucking talk to you people about.

I stand behind 150 percent. I don't eat. They don't pay me. Anthony Dolores is a sweetheart. My mathematical edibles, I love them to fucking death. He's got a great brownie, ladies and gentlemen. Anarchy Edible not only has the fucking stars, they have a tremendous chocolate fucking rice crispy treat.

They have a tremendous chocolate brownie. They have a what's a matter of Lee? You look like somebody cracked the fucking funny. I didn't say nothing funny. You fuck Cheeba Chew has a tremendous green on it. For the money, one of the best edibles out there. I think they just raised the price. I like them a 10.

The deck of those white one is great. The deck of those green on it, which I gave Lee tonight. It's also great. It's like 9,000 milligrams. No, it's only 75 milligrams, as you can see. I want you to look at the line. These are products that I eat. I rotate them so I don't get used to them and I don't get spoiled.

I'm not here to lie. These are not. They don't pay me a fucking dime. I still have not reviewed the Axis Roach Clip 300 because we never fucking bring a Roach up here. That's the next thing we got to review. They want to do something. They want to do something like an episode brought to you by Axis 3000-type shit, okay?

Okay. You got to look on your face like you just smelled a bad asshole. What is it, Lee? Talk to me. I'm fine. I'm just super-duper high. That's right. It's Monday night.

Everything's beautiful. Everything's great. You're going to go see the Agostino at Kansas City Barbecue and do some research. No, I can't eat barbecue. I didn't say to eat barbecue. I said you're going to go over and look at the egg. You're going to go over there and say hello. Who's going to go to a barbecue place and not get barbecue?

Every Monday, they fucking pack. When you're going, you get a beer and a sausage. Is that too hard to understand, to comprehend? You want to go over there and say hello? Okay. Okay. You're not going to go. You didn't even bring your car.

You're fine. I ain't over. How the fuck are you going to stop with this over shit? Who picked you up tonight? This is weird, dude. You look like a really old car. You look, it still had the manual windows and it was a bad one. You sit in the back seat or you sit next to him in the front seat?

Back seat. How did the back seat look? It was clean. It was just old. How much did I charge you? 440. How much did you give them? 440.

You can't give them money anymore. No tips? They don't have it on the app. No. Why? Because they don't, I don't know. Lyft lets you give people tips. Now what's the difference between Lyft and fucking?

Nothing. There's two different companies. And Lyft is good too? And these are people with their personal cars? Yeah. Lyft is a little more expensive. But now it's crazy. People are like, there's like a business growing.

Of like, you can rent a car by the week. And then you Lyft or Uber with that car. Like, so people are like renting pre-uses. People are making a lot of money doing it. You just have to be out there for a fucking long ass time. That's pretty fucking unique, how people are making living, driving people. Hey, it's a hustle, man. Yeah.

And you work for yourself, right? Or Uber takes a PC action. They take 20%. So a 440, you bring home fucking three something. But there's a dollar safe ride fee, so yeah. We don't get, I don't know what the fuck that's for. And you get the rest? 260.

So you get 260 for, you know how many fucking rides you got to give for 260? Well, what I did for like those few days, the only good ones were like the far ones. Who sent you a check? Did they send you a check? Yeah. They do direct deposit. Really? Right there when it happens?

Yeah. Well, every week. Once a week. Yeah. Very interesting. See people, if you're hurting for some money, wash the fucking backseat, put some stars, put some fucking little, those little Christmas trees back there that smell good. One dude who picked me up here had a Lexus, had a cooler with sodas in it, and had an

iPad for you to use. People are getting really creative with it, it's really cool. No shit. Yeah, it's a way to do it. Free sodas? Yeah. Free. And the iPad was stapled to something?

Yeah. Or you picked it up? You know, it was like attached to the headrest. And what do you go on there? He said it was cool, like the girls like doing it with photo booths and then they take pictures of themselves. I don't think they can send it to themselves. Very nicely.

Yeah, it was pretty cool. You learn something fucking new every day, brother. Thank you. Thank you for, I don't know nothing about that shit, Lyft, but now the people that live in the area can get a fucking Lyft if you're fucked up, like we say, what are we eating next, Lyft? We gotta eat something else. One last thing, what are we gonna do before we tap off?

A cyanide pill. No, let's do some of the star death for the anarchy animals. Let's see. No, thank you. I love you guys. Look at this. It's fresh. We got the seal of mail.

Two weeks in. What do you think, Lyft? I think you're crazy. Let's eat this little corner right there. No, thank you. What do you mean, no thank you? Two. What's up up there?

What dude, what? I had like 400 milligrams. No, you haven't. No, you haven't. You had 75. 75 and five is 80. That's one five. 20 and 80 is 105, 110, and 112.

That's what you had tonight. You could do a little bit of that. Fuck. We're going beef tonight. This is delicious. It's fresh. Who do you think you're dealing with here? Look at this.

It's fucking beautiful. You're a crazy person. You know what I mean? I'll give you a little piece of that. That's not a little piece of that. I'll give you a little piece. That's not a little piece. Look at that.

You guys. Look what I'm dealing with. I'll give you a little piece right here. How's that? Look at that. I don't want to do that either. That's not even five milligrams. Where'd it go?

It's not right. Look at this. Look at what I'm throwing down. That's another hundred. Like a soldier. If you're going to go deep, you've got to go deep. We say that. We ain't fucking around.

We're doing so well. Just saying even a roof of podcast. We're just fucking around here like gentlemen. We're so deep. You want me to get your pizza? Huh? You're in the mood for a pizza. Oh, yeah.

I know you're in the mood for the bad fucking pizza. It was good. Which one? Daniels. What's Daniels? The place I sent you to. The brick oven place. Not bad.

The cheese is delicious. They cross is what you got a problem with. We got extra cheese. Oh, shit. It was all over the place. How many slices of cheese? Four. Lee.

Lee split. Did she ate four and you ate four? She only ate three. And you ate four? What'd you do with the extra pizza? I threw it away. You're a fucking animal, Lee. All right, cocksuckers.

We'll be back tomorrow. Wait, we're going to do ads. We're going to do ads right now. I'm just talking to these people. Relax. Where the fuck are you going, cocksuck? Let me put my glasses on right now. We had a great, beautiful podcast.

We just discussed what was going on in our lives. I'm sorry I just dropped a cat thing on you guys. I didn't want to talk about it where he was here or the other guy. Fidel, it happens. You know, I'm not really that upset. You should have just seen the face. Lee made it. He's scared to go home.

He just went, I got to go home and get high. Anyway, for total optimization, I love these guys. I took them yesterday after my 12 hour fucking day this morning just to get rejuvenated. Alpha Brain is fucking great. I went to the gym today and I had to do my lower half, which is deadlifts, couple squats, a couple of the machines, a hack machine, some extension. Then I got on the elliptical. I took the shroom tech sport today.

I took two of them. I got to tell you something, Lee. I felt like a fucking savage today. By the time I got on the elliptical, I was already fucking drenched from the deadlifts. I just started sweating and my shorts had circles on them from the shirt dripping on the thing. I stayed on five or six to hold 20 minutes, man. I just moved on it. I must have burned like 400 and some calories today.

That was the fucking shroom tech. I'm telling you, people, this shit works. I haven't tried the new mood in a while. I do the 180 when I fly. Yesterday when I got back last night, I tried the 180. I'll tell you, I was up for a little while with the jet lag, but I fucking fell asleep. I felt great today. I had no effect.

I'd have to take a nap today. I did a thousand things today. Honored is great. That's what I'm telling you. I think Orbie was on Joe's podcast today. He's always trying to develop new things. He's always adding things to pills and taking them out. And just because, you know, he knows maybe it doesn't work.

Look, he released 180. He took it off the market and brought it back a lot better. That's what customer service is all about. He really, they just put them in Whole Foods. Do me a favor. Go to Honored.com. Take a look at the web page. Take a look at what they got to offer.

They got so many fucking things. Supplements, they've got the battle ropes. I can't get you hooked up on that. As far as supplements, I'll get you 10% off. I want you to try them. If you're working out, just try shroom tech. Just try it one fucking time. Go to Honored.com.

Go to the box and press in. Church. When you're ordering shroom tech, get 10% off. All right? Just try it. If you go into the gym, you're struggling with breathing or whatever. They can't help you with that. That's what I thought shroom tech was going to help me with.

What it has given me is a little bit more gas tank. It's given me a little bit more energy, which I never knew. I don't drink energy drinks and stuff like that. So please go to Honored.com. Go to the box and press in. Church. Boom! And get 10% off.

I'm at Melody House in the first month, every fucking month. All right? My people, Hiddie Six, just doing a great job. When I'm on the road this week, I brought like two of them from my hotel room. I brought one cigar and one 16 milligram nicotine. They're fucking great. 1,200 pops. They're always coming out strong.

Listen, I got no complaints about Hiddie Six. If you're thinking of quitting smoking, you want to try the cigar that you got, go to HiddieSix.com right now and press in. Joey's Church. And you get what? 20% off. So if it costs 20, you get it for 16, okay? Go to HiddieSix.com.

They make a great fucking product. 1,200 guaranteed pops. Go to 7-Eleven. Buy one of those cigars. You got like six fucking pops, all right? And for what? For 10 bucks? This is 16 and you're going to get fucking 1,200 guaranteed pops.

Go to the fucking box right now. Go to HiddieSix.com. Look at the selection of cigars and cigarettes they got. Go there. Press in what, Lee? Joey's Church. Boom! And get 20% off.

Where's the low? Dave motherfucking. Finally making that happen over there at Iron Dragon TV. I think we're going to do a sample run next week. But I'm back for the week with Aldo. I'm going to call Aldo playing. I mean Aldo want to do a couple of these movies and do the Iron Dragon TV, but always the leader in classic martial arts films.

These guys aren't fucking around. All right? Every week they're adding new fucking films. Go to IIMDragonTV.com right now. Right now. And get two free martial arts fucking films. Even get them now for the weekend. Just get them. What are you pressing the box Joey Joey and you get two free fucking martial arts films? They got they got Rogan on there talking they got on it videos on there

It's not just about that man This is another company that I love what they do because they're trying it that they specialize in 4k technology They're the leaders to the leaders in 4k technology. Hopefully they get the UFC contract their films look great All that classic martial arts films. It looks that much better, but fuck it fuck with Junko Joey says go to iron dragon TV Right fucking now go look at what they got to offer pressing Joey and get two free films All right enough is enough again for my reefer heads. I love you cock suckers I'm not here to blow smoke up your ass nail the life calm the best vapor put on the market tremendous guarantee I know these guys. They're fucking family. I know their family from North Bergen and Western New York 30 fucking years ago

I went to Tweety's fucking wedding. In fact, he got off parole today. Thank God after 22 years He put it on Facebook at the 22 fucking years is parole ended today for that thing when he was throwing the cocoa off the plane That's how we roll. We hang with people that throw cocoa fucking planes. You understand me Anyway, go to nail the life calm right now. Look at the great selection of stuff They got they got everything for you in the dab world. These guys are leader in dabs every time you see them I got a bag full of fucking dabs. Go to go to nail the life calm and press in Joey Diaz and get 20% off the pen Right 20% off the vapor pen one of the best baby pens in the market full fucking guarantee They answer your calls. All right another shout out to on it. Hittie Siggs iron dragon TV and nail the life

Martin for the lottery ticket and you guys for listening and for loving us and for us for loving you motherfuckers Had a great time in Grand Rapids Las Vegas is fucking next cock sucker What bitch I'll be at the store tomorrow on Saturday night. What bitch? I'll be in Oakland shooting a video game whiskey What what what Lee? What's up, buddy? We'll also be That's it. What's happening out for the night. I love you guys with all my fucking heart. Thank you very much for listening tonight You know, we don't want a guest tonight. We just wanted to chitchat and just catch up I think next week want to call my man DC. We'll call a couple motherfuckers next week. All right What do you think Lisa? Yeah, let's do it. How you doing with your little fucking frantic mushroom shirt?

I'm good All right, wrap it up. I love you guys have a great fucking day tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow I want 30 to rock your world. Oh and then can we say about the website talk to them? Okay, how much going on so next Monday? May 18th, we're gonna switch over You're gonna go to joey deers net slash live slash live tap knock on that link and that's what we're coming on We're no more you stream. We're gonna rock the fucking world. All right We're gonna start promoting on Thursday

Every I want the I want Twitter to let you guys know we're coming on a different thing. We're gonna give this a try So get ready rock. Have you tried it already? Is it right? We've tried it, but I want to do guys like later this week Like look for me on Twitter. I'm gonna do a test cuz I want to see what's what happens if a bunch of people start going on But sounds perfect. I love you cocksucker stay black. Uncle Joey here for you cocksuckers always Go to honor calm and use co-work church to get 10% off of all the great optimization products Like alpha brain a new mood some tech means some tech sport Go to iron dragon TV calm and use co-work Joey to get two free rentals from all the great martial arts movies and their leader and 4k 4k technologies for all the oil and wax smokers out there

For the premier favorite pen on the market go to nailed it life calm also los gumis and monos and you're gonna get 20% off the vapor pen with co-work Joey Diaz and Go to hit e6 calm better tasting longer lasting the proof is in the vape They have easy good than these the cars for you 20% off and use co-work Joey's church. Don't forget. I'm in Oklahoma City May 30th Crank that motherfucker leave Little gimme shelter for you motherfucker. It's the stones man. A lot of good shit. They guys don't listen to This is one of those jams, but kick them with a fuck of Lee Oh

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