Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #283 - John Moffitt, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: May 19, 2015

  John Moffitt, NFL Offensive Lineman, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. Iron Dragon TV. A New Roku channel with all the best martial arts films. Use Code word joey for two free rentals. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for a 20% discount Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. Music:  Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet The Thrill Is Gone - BB KIng Recorded on 05/18/2015

Okay, this show is brought to you by on it.com. I hope so right here Fucking out for brain in the motherfucking house Nightmares fucking beautiful dreams colors naked women For all that and more go to on it.com news covert church to get 10 off of all the great optimization products Go to iron dragon tv.com and use cobra joey to get two free rentals of all the great martial arts movies There's a leader in 4k technology It's iron dragon tv cobra joey and the there are also the people hosting the new video hosting site. So Thank you. If we're working through any difficulties, we'll get effects soon

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And go to nailed to life.com. That's right Also, let's go we's hermanos use cobra joey Diaz to get 20% off the premier vapor pan on the market for oil and wax smokers The devil's coming out tonight he's almost here For the life of the ice and snow for the midnight sun for the hot spring So the least i had already is high balls A creepier than ever and shit. I have no idea. Look at them It was like one of those jews at port authority that jerk off in a the peep show and shit Let's go have peep shows they still have them

What are you dj fucking? What's going on? You're repeating fucking songs already. How high are you? Yeah, they still got peep shows really they got one up here and uh, I eat sandwiches across the street What's the place up here roma on Lancashire's got a great fucking sandwich for lunch great sandwich Sandwich two sides and a soda for like six bucks and I go in there with the wife before she got pregnant We had the kid and across the street from there I was talking to the the kids are armenians it used to be an italian deli but it became armenian And I asked them once what is that a strip club and he goes no the strip club is like four blocks down It's a filthy strip club because this place across the street is where you go in and talk to a chicken or booth

That's naked or some shit. So I don't know that's a peep show. That's a peep show. That's a polaregan peep show Oh, I kept thinking it was the you know when you go in and just shows the dirty movies And you just go in and watch in the theater like with a bunch of other dudes That I thought that was a peep show. Well, that's like a porno theater Do they still have those anybody know if they start like old pornography theaters? They got to have them in new york. They got to have a few in new york. I didn't see one At like an actual theater, but like a sex store had like up some video places in the back Right, then you go in the back and sit in the booth and then they have the videos you whack off in there

Yeah, that's for a quick tug You're driving on the 405 you feel like wacking off but you got too much class to do in your car You pull over at some orange building with some iranian dude with a missing eye With a little hat on with a dodger hat on you go in there. You get a couple tokens You go in the back room and they usually put them in there. You sit down. It smells like fucking debt Yeah, because now as a kid I would go to the ones on 40 seconds, you know, there's two types of peep shows There's the peep show where the woman's in the fucking middle whacking off and she's all fucked up the generate little Like this is they were going at the end of their shift

So we would play hooky in jersey, right a sixth, seventh grade We get over there like maybe 10 30 by 10 30 we catch The chicks that did speed the night before it wasn't meth like they did back duties We got fucked like 10,000 times But then they go in there for like six bucks an hour in tips because they got to work the gank off They don't have to suck a dick But they just go in there and would lay there and play with their pussy and the pussy would be fucking all fucked up For the night before and guys would go in there and whack off and then you leave

I went into those then they had the ones where you went into this all in the same thing peep world Yeah, the gambino zone that shit that was all mafia run You went into the one peep world, which was like two or three floors and I went into that shit in the eighth grade Eight eight seven sixth grade. I think I stopped that door. It's just just disgusting Then they had the ones where it's circular and they put a stage And the stage went around like those revolving stages in phoenix And the chick would get fucked by a guy that was just there with two like heroin junkies Like both of them were on heroin. They just fucked each other. They passed out

And the funniest thing about that peep show thing There's a guy with a bucket that excuses you like hold on one second And he'll walk in get the mop with the fucking hot water with the sperm water throw it on He'll spray something on the curtains on the thing and then he'll go right in there. It's brand new No, shit. Yeah, because you jerk off on the floor. That's service though. You don't have service like that in like a mile You know what I'm saying? That's John Moffett in the house warm NFL player The seahawks and the Denver Broncos here visiting us in Los Angeles working out looking healthy getting healthy. Yeah getting healthy. Yeah Yeah, yeah

What's up with you lisa? Yeah, fuck. Oh, you ever go to a peep show in Boston? No, I've never been you never go whack Outside your house. No, they didn't have it. I saw one once. Did you whack off outside your house? You ever whack off outside your house? No, you get emotional in the car, but I know Yeah, thank you. I was gonna say as he was saying in the car and how fucked up that is I was like, well, I've done it in the car. I never I've never finished but like like A couple poles or something, but like I've never I don't look like a strip club. You didn't finish No, no, I didn't finish like a strip club to give you like 18 lap dances You didn't crack a nut you go out until that fucking car thinking that you're gonna meet her at Denny's at two o'clock

And you bang one out you come on your girlfriend's sweatshirt and shit It's tremendous to good old days the church. What's happening now? Welcome memorial day upon us cocksuckers Think about your health. Don't drink and drive. There's gonna be feds out there fucking pulling you over Now they're gonna throw you in federal penitentiary for drinking and driving. You never know lisa yet. You never fucking know anymore That's scary. What else is going on? John Moffett talked to me Well, how about Seattle how fucked up? Oh my god. Yeah. Well, I mean I've been out of there for a month now I never gave la a chance until I actually came down here to live it live down here and I actually I love it You love it. Yeah, I was getting Seattle is so fucking dark and depressing. Is it really?

Everyone always says that but you're so full of shit. It's it's it's I thought you're gonna say everyone always says that But then they claim it's sunny. It's not. It's always fucking dark I'm like, yeah, that must be tough I think there's like a time change in Seattle like a like an uncharted time zone difference because when I go there I swear to god It's like you were seeing somnia with robin williams where he's like all fucked up in the aluminum's on the thing When I go there, I've got this apartment. That's kind of a little bit underground like half underground, right? and uh

I literally will lose track of time so badly That like I'll think it's been like two days and it has been seven days like no shit Like I can lose like I can lose days like in Seattle And this isn't even like you just smoke a little of their shit and this you're if you smoke their stuff It adds on to it too. You smoke Seattle stuff and you spend time in Seattle. You could lose like 10 years of life there Moffat, I don't know what the fuck happened to my life in Seattle I I don't know I was in Seattle was 32 years old. I already had a grip on life. I was getting divorced I knew I wanted I knew I wanted to give this comedy. I knew where you stood

Yeah, when you go through a divorce and you go broke You know where you stand You're either going to continue being broke or you got to pick yourself up You know, there was no way I was going back to the grind that had no wife. No no responsibilities I was not going to get a day job. No, this is your chance to attack the art that you want to do whatever the fuck you want to do I figured by the time I was 38 or 39 I'd be cooking with gas But that didn't happen, but I still stuck with it. You stick with it. You know, I didn't know what was going on I went to Seattle. I got arrested

Maybe six times in 18 months And it all started with a fucking jaywalking ticket And yeah, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I was innocent and that was bullshit But one time I got arrested for a stolen car That's like I'm anti stolen car when I was 15 I wouldn't steal a fucking car because I always said, where do you go? Listen, if I if I rob your watch and you chase me, I throw the watch in the weeds

You got to prove what's that fucking statement when you're unreasonable down. I don't be unreasonable I don't know. What'd you throw behind? I didn't throw fucking nothing. Go get it And you don't find nothing and the cops don't find nothing You're not gonna get me arrested for the fucking watch. Okay, even if you think I fucking robbed it Out of your fucking house. I would never rob a fucking car. I got arrested for a stolen goddamn car They let me out and they dropped the charges, but it cost me four fucking days and in that king county jail Can they credit that to you if you do the time will they credit it for your next one? Yeah

I kept getting arrested. I got a I got arrested of anger management class. They were waiting for me In an anger management class. It was just to have weed in your pocket going. I got to sit through this shit With these fucking momos for an hour talking about their mom hitting them and burning them I'll sit through this shit moments. I get I can smoke a joint live my life I'll go around the corner and get some chicken teriyaki fucking seattle stuff Good chinese food in seattle good chinese food good food good salmon really good food you want to be healthy seattle seattle was Listen, I'm not going to talk. I lived in jersey. So I've been in hell holes. I've seen hell holes all over the country

Seattle was a place that didn't agree with me There's places in your life. You're not going to agree with things You know, some people go to the mountains and the mountains throw them the fuck off Seattle Buffalo, New York has a weird effect on people. It's up there high. It's very cloudy Some people I'm telling you something and you know, there's people at home listening going joy. What the fuck you do? I I believe in the thing what seattle was that Uh, I spoke to somebody one time and he said bremitin bremitin washington, which is uh, 45 minutes outside seattle if Is the navy base? It's uh, one of those bases. I'm sorry. I don't know. I think it's a navy if i'm correct

But they have the submarines that that shoot out to the rest of the world The reason why the submarines are there is because it's the deepest point in the united states where the submarines can go down A lot of people don't look it up and repeat i'm dropping knowledge on you mother fuckers That's why they have the subs that's the lowest point And you know in my mind. Yeah, joey. You're a fucked up guy You were doing coke and drugs and eating a fucking stripper Sure, you got bad coming your way and I thought that that part of it was her bad luck because she was a fucking thief A strip is nothing but a fucking thief. Oh, yeah, they're fucking thieves. I love them. I respect what they do

They're out there. They're a thief without a gun their gun is their fucking snatch And that's how they get you and they're taking the fucking hundred the dollars and eight I've been a victim. I was in the halfway house in time selling blow and I bumped into a korean with fake tits That was banging. I gave her everything. I snored it But I had my hand in her asshole like deep in her ass Was she a she though because the korean with fake tits you got your hand in your ass. She was a she drinking I was eating a pussy at the strip club. Oh nice. I was in the halfway house. I was two months from getting married I didn't give a fuck at that time. I was 28 years old 29. I had already done time. I didn't give a fuck

I went in there so I understand it. I get the whole mentality But a stripper the mentality is a take-off for you. You're you're a fucking trick You're a trick. Hey, baby. Yeah, what I'm going to college I'm supporting my dad. He's wounded. He was a vet. You know, I'm just here. I haven't done this I'm single. He just broke up with me. Yeah, we'll hook up. Do you want to know that don't let dance? Yeah, we're going to in the back room where things happen in the back room What's it cost 100 fucking dollars? And next thing you know, you're down to buck 20 and all you got was your dick rubbed through the fucking jeans

You could have done that yourself with a fake hand And save money all you were to pay for is shipping and handling right or wrong It's through the jeans too. It's uh, yeah, it's it's it's a it's a wildlife So I thought that part of the bad karma was living with that fucking freak But who knew who knew what was going on, you know, you had some bad luck up there Well, now you were you were drafted by the seahorse. Yeah, I was drafted and you went up there Everything was beautiful. The sun only shines in the summertime Fuckin october comes. It's rainy as fuck. What were you thinking?

The what I wasn't really thinking about the weather initially because it didn't wear on me yet I was so into like I'm playing ball and and then I'm partying on my free time You know what I mean and sometimes waiting while I'm playing ball like all right, I got to get out of here I got to go, you know, it's time to go out and this whole thing. But uh, I got into running with them The cops in Bellevue and uh, I'm at a bar. There's this bar called the munch bar, right? Just this like that was where the football players were going at this time. It was in Bellevue And I walk outside and I'm you know I'm pissed drunk literally

And I go into like a little like side little alleyway and it's in this really it's Bellevue. So it's it's rich town, right? It's like in this really like nice Uh, little mall strip area and the bar is in there And I'm taking a piss out on the side and one of these like mall cop guys sees me Right and he grabs me and he's like you're he's like you're you're banned. You're never allowed to come back here And I'm like, okay sure and he writes me like a legitimate like a ban like a writ, you know old-ass 1970s you know like and signs it and gives it to me and I just threw it away same thing and uh I come back because that's where everybody went right

So next time I come back with one of my buddies and this dude's like freaking He's got like four inches on me three inches on me and another 30 pounds. It's a huge dude and uh, we're outside Uh of one of the mall places and they had already seen me the security guards had seen me in the mall and then called the cops and Like ratted me out So I'm outside when these places I'm smoking a jay with this guy And uh, the cop rolls right up on us Like right pull the car that car right there and we're like, oh, fuck no

So we throw it and we just start running, right? And we're just trucking it and I'm wearing like freaking like moccasins and like whatever And he's a huge dude and honestly, I feel like we're running like a in like a four three 40 Like just flying because I feel like they're gonna taze me, you know, they have the new tasers with the um They can shoot you from far away and like all cops are carrying these tasers So I'm like really feeling like I'm gonna get tased so my back's tight and I'm like running as fast as I can We ripped through this apartment that he still had a key to They used to live in so we we think we're good. We're gonna beat him here

Right because the main door takes a key cop catches the door And he's still running after us in the hallway Then we did like the old split up at the end of the hallway where I went out the back exit door He went up the stairs, right and then we just go and I'm hiding in the bushes The cops are driving by I've lost them now the cops are driving by I can hear all their shit And I call an uber actually and have them meet me in the corner I run into the uber jump in and get out of there, right? So I vaded them again And I just kept going back there because I thought it was a joke. I thought it was actually kind of fun

It was like fuck them whatever they didn't catch me like who cares. They're not fast So call the getaway call for uber from uber. Yeah Do you feel like an uber black or anything? It was uber black. Yeah, and the guy loved it The guy like was all about it I jumped into the back and he could tell there was like this sense of urgency and I was talking I'm like look man. I'm like, I'm not gonna lie to you. We gotta get the hell out of here right now Dude And he just and he loved it. He loved it. He's like, I got you don't worry. I got you. I'm like, thanks

I appreciate that and so the third time they finally got me And it was like I felt like fucking I felt like fucking John Gotti because I'm sitting at this restaurant I'm eating dinner and I got my buddies with me and I think a couple girls. Maybe my girlfriend and uh, and uh I see this cop out of the corner of my eye walk in and I'm like, oh fuck and I instantly Reactionally look out the back door to see if I can run there, right another cop right there And so I was surrounded clearly and the worst is they get me they bring me outside It's like a busy fucking night in Bellevue. Everyone's there watching I got, you know, the cops, you know They do the whole thing. They're reading me my rights. Do you understand? They bring the paddy wagon because I'm too big for the car

So they brought a paddy wagon and loaded me into the paddy wagon And every time I get arrested now the few times I have I'm always in a paddy wagon because I'm too fucking big for the cop car So they got to wait and they got to call this giant, you know Short bus for prisoners and I gotta go right on that thing to jail and that's that was the experience Now you get out the next day. Who's on the phone with your first? I gotta call Pete I call well I get out. Yeah, and I call Pete and uh, and I call time cable up immediately because I'm like I'm gonna beat them. I'm beating this to the punch right here and Pete actually like

He kind of laughed a little because he was like really like For pissing like that's what they that's what they wanted you for it was amazing. I'm serious. They guys Crazy serious crazy And they were they honestly I got into some shit in Chicago And they were easier on me in Chicago, which was way worse than they were in bell the Bellevue judge was so serious I was more worried about Bellevue, which was nothing than I was it was crazy. They probably just don't have much It's like they have to make a big deal out of it or else they can kind of jail is a real fucking It's it's there's some real fucking crazy people up there that weather

Makes you react a weird way So everything's fucking weird but It's amazing where the biggest cities because they have more going on The police programs a little bit more lenient. They'll listen to your story a little more They'll turn you around. They'll take you to the station and say the lesson We found weed on you and we found a little blow. We looked at your record. You're not a bad guy We're gonna make believe the blow didn't exist and you're sitting there going okay I can live with this. You're a nice person. Just get out man. All right, exactly on your age

The guy'll talk to you. They'll throw the weed on you. They'll kick this. They'll get rid of the warrant It's it's it's when you show respect and you act kindly towards the cops But Seattle there was they were like machines Yeah, they were like machines. They didn't want to listen. We're here to arrest you. We mean, you know Well, the late next door said one time I went on a monday. I don't know if you know josh wolf now Chelsea lately. I was his roommate. Yeah, I've heard of a man and we were roommates and one day on a monday I go he goes. What are you gonna do that? I go nothing because you want to hit ecstasy

I got one left. Oh, they sure I had in my pocket. I was gonna do it the weekend But I go down to fucking swannies There's some people down. It's like 11 in the morning people were drinking. Yeah people told them about getting a package What the fuck? I got I got 12 bucks. Let me do a fucking shot Yeah, lie to people and do a fucking hit of ecstasy. You know, suddenly the x calls me the stripper She pages me And she goes come down. I miss you. I fucking run. I just did x. I'm ready to get my dick suck

I get a cab. I get right the fucking outtide beach And I get in the thing I rip her clothes off. We get on the bed. We start fucking next, you know, boom, boom, boom, boom Seattle police She told the fucking neighbor. She saw me to call the cops the cop season they come to the door There's a restraining order still we both have on each other But no that time I hit under the bed That's the time I hit under the bed naked and they drew their guns out because I was so fat the bed kept going up and down Fuck yeah, fuck. Yeah, they came over that over that they arrested me that time

They fucking took me out of the house shirtless They fucked up my shoulders. I started getting off on the x while I was getting fingerprinted. This is fucking chris. Seattle for me Was 18 months of fucking craziness. Yeah, but then guess what happens One christmas fucking week with comedy slow as shit That week that they had like a shitty headline to come in friday instead of thursday night And they had local comics go up on wednesday and thursday and do like And I was one of the guys they picked them on the craziest things happen all this madness Guy goes to tears. My name is whatever chuck was his name really nice fucking guy

He was like I need to talk to you about something because I'm executive producer of a show named bronx county And we got what's his name to direct some big-time director. He ended up on the sopranos as an actor And he goes we're gonna have this cop show and we really want you to play the bartender This is a true story. I'm like this happens to people in LA This is a and the guy's like We're gonna call you january 3rd Give us your info when I get your plane ticket to come down and read for it If everything works out, we'll pay for the move the whole thing. I mean

So at the end of that whole 18 month bullshit That's what came up. Yeah, and then as I was gonna leave seattle I got a letter in the mail like I was ready to shoot at this thing like yeah come down I got a letter in the mail. You gotta go to court friday for probation violation And they're like no, they're gonna throw you in for nine months And I went there and told the judge the truth and he goes this is what I'm gonna do Get the fuck out of seattle. Don't come back for two or three fucking years

Take the anger management classes and get your life together. Good luck, but don't ever come back He's like you like ban from the fucking state And that was it that was 1997 to 98 I never went back It was two years Of hell on top of the three. I'd just gone to remboldo with the ex-wife and the kid Yeah, and be one of the fucking stabber in the neck and all that shit. So Seattle is weird man. Seattle is a weird place. It really is Now you're going through all this shit playing football. That must be even weird

Listen, man, when you walk in here I'm an east coast guy. I grew up with crazy kids And I know, you know, I'm a sweetheart of a guy, but you're the type of guy when you go you go You're not offensive line. Yeah, go you go you mother fuckers are crazy You know what it is you you get really good at the double life You know what I mean? You get really good at like playing like like and and obviously everyone knew like in football Like I was a partier, but you get good at like You don't know how I party. Maybe I just drink beer

But really, you know, you're in the party life. You're doing whatever you want to do And and then you come to football and you do that shit hard as hell and you're good You know, I mean, it's like both both sides of the But it does it wears on you, you know, it gets like This shit's kind of hard. I mean, I'm not stopping but this shit is really kind of hard doing both You know, I gotta catch a nap if I want to get pick up that g-bowl thing and see the fucking devil it's uh

My whole thing that I realized seven eight years after not doing powder and shit I still smoke dope. I love it. It calms me down. If I didn't smoke, I'd stab people and uh The thing that always bothered me about doing drugs that people Add it's it people add the blame to drugs for a lot of things and for me it wasn't the shit I did on the drugs It's my behavior off the drugs that was always

For me when I was on drugs, you don't see me. I didn't do drugs in fucking public I stopped doing coke in public in 1994 after 94 93 I was in the dungeon jack. I already had beer there. I had food for the next morning I had everything so you wouldn't see me at all in that condition The only person that would see me in that condition is I called the woman at like two in the morning To come over and I get cleaned up for her to come over and back off I take a shower and wash my asshole You know, you gotta get cleaned up for me. I eat the inside of an orange and does that work?

They always said I used to know this Colombian guy in Jersey called loco That used to carry coke and leaves In 84 he used to fucking guy that we were kids inside of a he always had coke inside of leaves Cocoa leaves he would go right to colombian come back and he had the leaves with the coke in the fucking leaves Even though it was illegal now it's big people in the states are bringing coca leaves and they're chewing them And they're chewing them up in the hills of fucking Hollywood. They pay like 2000 for a fucking leaf No, shit people give them a leaf. You know what I just heard about and it was like close to making me really Excuse me relapse was uh fucking pink coke. Have you heard of this shit pink cocaine?

Apparently pink cocaine is like the big the biggest thing right now. It's like the purest shit you right That's how it started out in the 80s. It was fucking pink. It was all pink. It was beautiful. I've never even seen pink cocaine I'm writing this chapter now Just fucking around to because sometimes when you're writing something you focus too much on what you're writing on So what I did was like I got a side chapter And and that's it. It was just cocaine And I talk about how you know, I start like people, you know people in this country do not want to believe this Everybody always says no marijuana is not a gateway drug. I'm fucking sorry

I got this party started because I smoked a joint and heard paranoid. Yeah, and that's it after you hear pain Then you put on led zeppelin For not for the one with the fucking house of the holy honor in the ocean and all that shit I was done I was gone. I was gone after that. So if that sounded that good on reefer How would it and I started experimenting with microdot acid? You weren't even itching your daddy. What was that shit like? As I always think of what the old LSD was like I would mess around with these little micro dots

There were a dot least I had a little dot and purple brown blue Green it all came in weird colors And it would just jizz you out But you were hallucinating And some people said it was rap boys and whatever listened Some people

I fucking tripped my ass off I tripped my ass off I loved it so much like I said at one point I was just no way before I had done that shit for about a year I experimented me and my friends on Friday nights would take it and walk around And we would drink three beers. I was maybe 13 Yeah, we drank three beers like an eight pack between three of us Yeah, that's normal and then we tripped for like fucking 10 hours and we went home and I'd watch uh Like I had like the the map of the mb of the mcdonald's all-star old american team on my wall michael caron

And they started like Yeah, I had a picture julia serving dunking like and he didn't move he didn't stop and go hi How are you? No, it's never like that. Yeah, it's just a thing. Yeah, and then after that in the eighth grade I got fucking zapped My friend mini lynch. God bless his soul. He was like three or four years older than me. He said you want to He goes I'm next to take it This is why I treat you like I do lisa. Okay, because there's no fucking coming back He took me down to philadelphia to see the rolling stones

This is the summer of 80 fucking this is the summer of 78. They just put out that I'm in the fucking eighth grade I'm gonna be a freshman in high school And he goes you want I got a free ticket for you come far and it was the opening act We drove to philadelphia. You got a hotel room a bunch of us went in the fucking they were like 16 17 I was 13 me Bunch of my buddies went because we had they had older brothers They took care of us and one night mini lynch came and he goes listen, man

I got windowpane acid and that was the devil Like batter the shit that was shit. Yeah, it was it was that and the shit they put in your eyes I hadn't done. Oh my god. They put in my eyes So first I did the windowpane acidly and it was like the way you feel. This is why liana. What are they putting in your eyes? No, hold on. We'll get to that later I would do heroin then get something. No, you have no idea. I don't like I dropped and I put the fucking I took the windowpane acid And I think it took like 40 minutes

And it started and it cooked this thing cooked right away. Yeah, like right away. You heard shit It got low in the room. It got high the lights would turn down Like your eyes would dilate and the color in the light awesome that light would turn blue This whole room that blue from the israeli flag would get really strong It would dominate the room and also in all three of us We got to go out and then I remember going downstairs in the elevator and that was the first time I thought my head was really really gonna blow up at the age of 13 Like I had just come back from basket from from fucking five-star basketball camp with athletes with dominique wilkins as a counselor

And here I am with these long-haired fucking rock and jersey Fucking dropping the windowpane acid and they take me into that fucking Outside thing wherever the philadelphia. I don't want to give names because tonight I forget the name of these auditoriums and people fucking chastise me on twitter It was the it was where the fucking eagles played And we went in there and the fucking stuff and he came out with like an american flag on him or some shit And i'm tripping my balls off thinking this guy's not even fucking american. He's fucking english But I don't give a fuck take that and he was just great. It was something and after that we went to with his moat

philadelphia in those days had like a like think of how fucking crazy we were like what could be in that water Like there was a street and then on the streets, you know, you have those little islands in the middle of the streets Streets are going this way and streets are going that way. Yeah, and you have that thing in the middle They had little things with water and we jumped in it like it was fucking a river that thing can have lice and leech in it and That's a lot worse But that acid trip was in my mind. It was 20 hours late 20 hours of light change and you pissing and nothing's coming out of my dick and then you can walk out And that was those were the best tripping years

You're a kid. You're a fucking kid and you and you're just giggling and all of a sudden like I would call you we'd say look Joey i'm playing football And my brother's a fucking cop don't say nothing, but I want to try acid But take care of me like go you I got you john. Yeah And we go to a party we only you and I knew we were tripping And you go talk to girls and I go talk to lee But this is why I love this because every like 18 minutes on the minute I turn around and you turn around and we make eye contact and go

And you go right back That's the whole that's why when you make that connection. Yeah, that's why you can't wait to do it again That's rare now That's rare these days because I always tripped like alone a lot of times and I'd be the guy going out like alone Like I'm tripping and it doesn't ground you at all Like that's a great grounding tool because you can look at the guy and be like we got this We're together when you're alone tripping you're like, oh my god. Maybe this you listen to people's shit and you're like I'm not saying that I'm not hearing it correctly. Maybe I'm wrong. This is not good. This is getting overwhelming

This is too much. I got really mushrooms was my thing Yeah, I didn't do mushroom. I'm from the east coast like you right growing up on the east coast We weren't introduced to mushrooms We didn't have sativa weed from california. I grew up with brown weed from jamaica. Yeah And then we didn't have a lot of things I ain't got introduced to mushrooms and ass in colorado 4th of july 1983 john denville was fucking playing at the children's foundation I got some mushrooms and went to a bridge and I loved the feeling but I didn't like the diarrhea Yeah, I didn't like to go into the back of my ass. Hopefully it's weird. Is that toilet paper stuck to my ass?

I didn't get that a lot. Maybe this is the first time thing. I got it. I got it. Yeah But I was more of a your diarrhea when you do mushrooms some people reacts their stomachs are not like I said in that thing You're inside the fucking toilet Shouldn't thinking how many trees that they could get that toilet paper. I swear to god. That's what I was thinking about I never forget that that's why I didn't like it How strong were the little things you gave me a few months ago like those soaked ones from indianapolis The mushrooms they were strong because I I never like hallucinated. No, we didn't it felt like light weed Okay, they didn't give me enough to hallucinate. So small amounts of it are awesome. Then it's even better than weed

Yeah, I think large amounts are awesome. I think I'm large. I think the only way to really that's the tarrant's mackenna Like do a large amount of this shit and really get ripped out of your body or gram or gram his thing was five grams And I did it once I did five grams right before right before rehab. I was like, I'm going to rehab This shit sucks. I was in my house in seattle. I was going to come down to malibu And my girlfriend left for the day and no one was in the house and I was like, all right I got all these I had like eight grams of mushrooms So I'm like I'm like listening to the tarrant's mackenna and he's like you got to do the recommended dose

It's like five grams and then you'll really it'll change your universe. I'm like, fuck it. All right So I do like five maybe lean in on six and I You know you eat it and then you're kind of just playing the waiting game But you try not to think about it, right? And he's like doing he's like this is so intense You need to be ready and you need to start singing songs and shit and get your mind like in the right place I'm alone singing songs in my smoke room, right? And uh

You know, it's like been a been I don't know how long that's the name of your book. That's right. Yeah I'm saying alone singing songs in my smoke room So I'm I'm you know in my mind It's been a long time and I'm like I'm like, all right. I'm gonna I'm gonna get ready for the day I'm gonna take a shower You get it's 11 in the morning So I'm when I started I'm thinking it's around, you know afternoon. It's time to get out take a shower I get dressed I get all dressed and ready. Everything's ready to go. I'm looking in the mirror. I'm throwing darts getting ready

I'm looking in the mirror I'm like, you're good. You're time to go out. Look at the clock. It's fucking been 20 minutes It has been 20 minutes and the trip hasn't even started yet And I'm already like I'm the moon and after that it was like a it was one of the like Scary and the most thrilling experiences of my life I mean, absolutely horrifying to the point where like maybe I'll never be the same again But then at the same time like the excitement of like, maybe I'll never fucking be the same again It's it's

There's a different mindset to Tripping and doing that type of stuff when you're younger I mean, you're an offensive lineman I don't know any fucking like yeah, you either meet a christian offensive lineman or they're out of their fucking mind Okay, you either meet the christian and very or they're out of their minds and that's how they have to be in their job I don't know their job, but they're blocking fucking droolers all day. They're blocking men that uh You know that they made it to the nfl. They all do for two fucking 40 strongest shit Strongest shit, you know

It's it was something I could never imagine at the professional level. I mean And you started at a young age of football. Yeah, it's about eight eight years old Yeah, and you were all american the whole all american college. Yeah, the whole thing. Yeah third round drafted and uh I was Wisconsin four years three years five years in wisconsin redshirted Greatest time of my life. That's where I learned to drink. That's where I really learned how to drink like the right way like you know, you don't stop and Oh my god, wisconsin was you know, it's uh, I was just talking to my uh my quarterback Scott tolls in and he's with the green bay packers now

And I was like he was giving me all the old stories because I I literally forget like 80 of that shit that went down there You know, I took colleges for yeah, this dude was loose up in college This was my he was my roommate and he was like the straight edge, you know quarterback, you know what I mean? and he remembers He remembers all of it and I was saying I'm like scott, man. I'm so glad you were so lucid throughout college Or else this would have all been lost all of this. I don't remember remember maybe five to ten stories all around games or wins and then the rest is just Just out of bar. It's all the same scene at a bar

You want a championship up there? We won a big ten championship and then we went to the rose ball I don't fucking believe it. Yeah, the rose balls. What a feeling is that? when we won um We beat northwestern and we won the big ten championship and everybody rushes the field and they're fucking losing their mind And then they're like, we're going to the rose ball. We found that one out the roses are everywhere I didn't remove a rose from my fucking face for like 24 hours, right? and then the town like it's the first one rose ball in 15 years and the town's like losing their mind and uh

So we go out and we're partying and I'm in this place called the s and house and there's these boots of beer, right? And everyone's there. We're all just getting freaking shitty And I'm talking to this professor at at wisconsin and we're talking about he's like a science professor So we're talking about the universe and all this shit, right? And we get so deep into it. We turn around all my boys are gone. They went to the next bar, right? So the professor he's like, I'm like, hey professor, do you want to come to the next bar with us? We'll continue the conversation about the universe. He's like, he's like, of course And uh, so I got a freshman with me and we all go out and the bouncer i'm leaving. I know the bouncer

He's like maf. He's like, you know that guy's totally fucked up, right? I'm like, he's fine. He's a scientist And the guy's like the guy he's like fine. Good luck taking your future in your hands. I'm like, man, fuck you So we get in the car and we're driving down the street, right? And I'm still talking this the the car is like fogged out like so you can imagine what it smells like in there But the windows are fogged right and it's wisconsin middle of winter. It's freezing as cold All of a sudden the berries go up behind us and we get pulled over and I'm like, what the fuck could be going wrong? The cops come up This is the same night we had our christmas party

So we're all wearing like tight ass likes like, you know christmas fruity christmas sweaters and shit And the one cop two female cops one comes to the right side there goes to his side, right? And the other one she pulls him out and she's giving him the sobriety test, okay? And I know we're fucked. So i'm looking at the cop. I'm like, listen. I'm like, I don't even know this guy So we're good, right? I didn't know the rule. She's like, yeah, you're not driving you. You know, you're an idiot. You're fine Like, oh, thank god because I was planning to run right? I was telling the freshman. We're gonna run, you know the usual Fucking scientist gets back in the car three minutes later, right looks at me in the eyes I swear to christ. He was cross-eyed and he goes I passed the eye exam

And they let us go And they fucking let us go all the way down the rest of the one-way road into the next bar And that same night another one of my buddies got picked up by the cops in a snow bank in the road And they just brought him back to his house. No one said shit the whole town was like whatever you want to do you can do it So now it's your senior year. Yeah, you know, you're getting drafted. You have an agent everybody's knocking on your fucking door Yeah, what teams are you looking at? So they they it's totally on

The teams like you have no I mean who was the last guy Eli Manning was the last guy to say oh fuck this. I'm going to the Giants, right? But since then no one says Shit like the team picks you based on, you know, your draft position your value. That's it So when I got I got a call like a week before the draft from Seattle And they were like, hey, do you have any um qualms about coming to Seattle? And I was like I saw her side of the fucking country

Yeah, no, that sounds good. And then sure enough they draft me. I was like, they didn't ask me shit We're at the combine. They didn't even interview me everyone else. So you got freaking uh Jeff Ireland from the Miami Dolphins. He's asking me if I'm an alcoholic and shit How many problems I have why I'm so fat all the time like sometimes I'm like 330 340. What do you weigh now? 290 you look great. Thank you. Thank you. You were 340 when you were in college. Oh, yeah, yeah You gotta be that. Yeah fucking pay up for the fucking run around and tackle motherfuckers That's what I said and I said and I said I drink a good amount and I eat a lot of fried food when You're in college

You know, you're a 24 year you're a 22 year old football player Who's been fucking hitting it nine to ten months a year because in the summers you still lift weights To be an old american that doesn't mean you sit there and scratch your balls and muscles don't just fucking grow on you You gotta do shit. I remember just playing high school ball in the shit we did in the summers I can't move my my arms today because they're behind the neck presses and throwing neck presses I'm done and I was just a fucking peon. I can't imagine a guy that's an old american. You gotta bang it out. So 22 year in college Your team is on the board. Everybody's sucking your dick

Right. You're in college football. Listen. I watch I watch eight minutes of fucking pro football a year anymore I just don't have the time And then I watch 10 minutes of college ball You know, when you're a kid and you're cuban and you come to this country and you see college football on sundays Oklahoma against alabama and you put it on and they come out with a fucking horse First thing you said is I love to play college football. Fuck the pros Fuck the pros to winning national championship. Oh, yeah, and then to have a regular career. I could see it happening

I could see that those guys that do those 30 for 30s when the houston When another carolina team got together and talked like that. That's friendship. That's something that lasts You never forget that, you know I'm happy. I still remember the kids on my bitty basketball team You know, I mean, we had a play in the eighth grade called your mother. That was the emergency play Because when you're taking the ball out just saying your mother just shocks everybody, especially from these coasts But your mother your mother everybody was scrambled Me and these kids, uh, you know, we were like fucking oh and nine in basketball

And the eighth grade we all practiced hard. We got together in the summer. We ran plays There was this guy in the neighborhood that played pro ball We got him to come up and show his plays and he showed us this fucking easy basketball thing. He goes it always works But you got a shock. I'm out the gate. You got to come up with something like how about your mother? He said that's perfect. It'll work. And we had this kid on the team. He was dominican But it was the east coast. We didn't care in afro. He was louis niggas. He was dominican. We just called them louis niggas It was louis niggas. Me chuckie mcbreen Good old david ruiz and somebody else is on that fucking team

I don't even know what i'm talking about. I gotta stop eating these edibles Your mother your mother the point is we had you know, you build this bond even at that level Even at that little kid level. I'm sure you play peewees That's still you know my neighbor north bergen, which is a big football school. Oh, yeah the coach god rest is so They accused him the year he won the states of going out and Recruiting people in high school, which everybody was doing at the time. Yeah, they just wanted them them in don bosco, right? Those are the two big ones. Yeah, yeah, don bosco tech

And then basketball the hurlies have been doing it for 30 fucking years when I was in the eighth grade waiting They didn't talk to me. Yeah, they talked about what the superstar basketball camp and they were like you should move to jerseys They all just like that Move to fucking jerseys. Yeah. Yeah, so now you're in seattle fresh year. What's going on? You starting? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was starting. Yeah, I started the first eight games then blew my knee out the ninth I am yeah blew it like good like just cracked in half like fucked up like Did it so good that we you know, you're on the ground. You're like, all right, that'll be a year That's just a year right there, you know

and uh, oh, yeah, yeah, but by mean shit when I went out to Seattle I was a rookie and uh It was awesome. It was fucking awesome. It kept there was just like this like uh This period of time from I think it was the winning, you know when you win You know what I mean? Like when we were seniors you win win win win went all the way through get into the nfl get drafted a good place It was the lockout year if you remember so when I got so I wasn't Couldn't be talked to nothing right after the draft until

Like literally august 1st when we started camp and I just showed up to camp and then we were on And then we did a month and then I mean that shit was just fast like learning I mean the nfl jump is is Like if the high school to college jump is big the the college the nfl jump is like Maybe right around the same or It's big. It's a big jump first two weeks of practice After you've made the squad. Yeah, so I remember talking my dad remember the the we had a We had a day that it was like right before we put on you know, they ease you into pads

Right. So like you have three days like nothing and then you have two days like half pads and then you go full, right? So like the third day of like no pads like I was out there I remember to call my dad after practice. I'm like, man, I think I can this shit's not you know I'm doing good. This is easy, right? And like because my speed was good and everything like that fucking pads come on just like Whole new level, you know, I mean whole new speed and then you get that it's a mind fuck because you always are thinking can I do this shit

So then the next literally the next day we go in pads. I'm just Fucked up kid, you know, I mean you're rookie you getting your ass kicked, right? And then I'm doing that like, oh my god, man I don't know if I am gonna and then you kind of even out you adjust to the speed you play some pre-season games You ball out a little and then it's on and then every week is just like The second you hit tuesday even sunday after the game some guys are going but like the second you hit tuesday It's work your ass off You got tuesday wednesday thursday's like a lighter day friday's a walkthrough saturday's an hour

And then you're in at night and then sunday's the game So it's really fast And then when you're smoking dope like every single day because I found out I didn't do any Smoking when I was in college because it was like highly illegal NCAA testing Like you can't fuck with that when I found out in the pros that it's like the once a year bullshit Well, I was right back on the train So I was doing the I like went right back to like oh, yeah Yeah, go home study your playbook and you in Seattle that rain that gross little good fucking reefer up there jack

The whole thing the whole thing and it was just I was right about we we knew it was getting legal Like it was we were getting close because the year after maybe two years after they completely legalized it It sounds like you like a lot of free time So is that like not I mean not that you're not working hard You probably get in there really early in the morning, but then you're probably out of there by what four five Yeah, and then just have nothing to do all night. Yeah And I mean shit. I'm a guy that goes to sleep at like two one no matter what so you have five to one Then and then you're good

And then when you're on the road, you can't do anything like you just can't you're stuck in the hotel room So that's you know a lot of guys actually go out a lot on the road A lot of guys will get in like if you get in on a Friday guys will go out Friday night And some guys are crazy enough to go out Saturday night Yeah, there was a dude who got sent back from the Super Bowl Yeah, yeah, that happens lineman. Oh my god, that happens I've I never I couldn't understand it because I when I when we travel when we went to the hotel Like I'd still sneak my shit on and I'd smoke it like the night before or whatever and then Friday

But I would never go out never go out Saturday night. No, no, no, I wouldn't even go out Friday night I wouldn't drink like I knew drinking was like the the devil no movie no movie a steak Yeah, you eat a nice You know I'd rent a movie at the hotel room and eat a eat a nice dinner and the whole thing but like like Team provided all that shit, but guys were going out to drink Friday Saturday night and like and I would hear about that champ like oh my god How are you drinking the night before a game or two nights before a game? But like some dudes it's just it's amazing what dudes can you know?

I mean, I'll tell you listen showtime is showtime showtime showtime is showtime You know, whatever the fuck you did the night before it all ends right there. That's why exactly made it to that fucking level Exactly. No, Joe Namath will go out and get slosh The night before that's the road on the street slosh That's how people would gamble in those days they go out on Saturday nights and they'd see how late he'd stay out They'd follow and then they'd start making calls dog. I'm at a fucking diner with Joe Namath He's still snorting blow better against them right fucking now, you know, he hasn't stopped He's snorting blow under the table and look the Roberto Duran just walked in, you know, it was crazy. So that's how

that thing And there's some guys it's funny. I used to work for a sports betting service And the nights on friday night I would go home because he cuts you a deal He'd say look you go home friday at like four But if you stay till nine, I'll put a show on And people will call and you guys get those leads And I'll give you 150 cash 150 is all I need for an able and make dirty events delivery Right to the fucking office dirty events. I wouldn't do a bump till I got out of that nine. I go home and get sloshed

I wouldn't do that last line. We had to be in at seven to sell college football on saturdays I wouldn't be until seven. I would do the last line at 20 to fucking seven I'd be so coked up by going in just put tissue paper up my nose and pitch Call people what's going on cocksucker? Grab your credit card. Do you know those days I go in there whacked? I would do better than the other day of the week because I was unconscious In the zone that I was literally unconscious. So I was working the pitch correctly. I was working all my automatic Uh, you know, like when you go back and forth with people banter, I don't know if it's the same with sports

I didn't play at that professional type level. I think it is. I really do I'd never I guess maybe because I'll offense a line or whatever or how I felt I never risked drinking too close to a game But when I was in college and then the nfl during the week we drink all week And so I'd come into practice just you know, like just clear vodka sweat, you know And you would get into the zone where you'd be like, all right, you know, everything's all fucked up I'm fucked up But I just got to be right here right now and you think like in that like incremental

Little oh, I got to do this right now and honestly it puts you in the zone and you're good And maybe that's what it's like because a lot of guys are just fuck it, you know So now you play there for a season eight games you get hurt. What happened you come back a year later? Yeah, came back a year later and uh kind of went back and forth like was working on the comeback So I was being like used as like a utility guy Which fucking pissed me off man because I was I was a player and they had a guy a good friend of mine J. R. Sweezy, they converted him from D line So they were giving him a lot of chances early on and I was being like really steady the whole way through with a fucked up knee

um So we we finished that year and the next year I was getting so pissed off about like getting jerked around I felt I went into Pete's room his office and I asked him for a trade I was like, I think you should just trade me I was like because I'm not gonna like You know you you say that this is all about competition But I think that's bullshit And you guys are playing favorites and I think you should just get me out of here because I'm not going to be like

The best the trooper, you know what I mean, right? And he was basically like no, that's you know, that's not the reality of things And then it got I mean I kept him there for like 30 minutes like I wouldn't like I'm not going to do like you're the boss I'll just you know, take it in the ass and then be happy about it So I could tell that really pissed him off, right? So he waited though for like the best time to trade me which was fucking Two weeks into camp my third year Two weeks into camp and he trained me to the Cleveland Browns

The shittiest team ever, right? And the fucked up thing was I would still be fine if it was the Cleveland Browns because they sucked I would have walked right in and started and been good Um, but they were fucking around because they didn't want to pay me my regular contract So then they went in and they tried to say there was something wrong with my knee So I'm in the Browns. I'm in the Browns thing and they they put me right when I get in they fly me there First of all, like you're getting traded that day that night. They try to fly me out. I was like, fuck you guys I'll fly out in the morning. Okay. I'm not leaving tonight. I got a pack. I got to do shit

I have to smoke 10 blondes all my weeds here. I got to figure out how I'm going to get it there I got to call someone in Cleveland. Fuck you so I get out there and they bring me right to the hospital in the MRI me Right to the hospital. Don't even go to the team. I go right to the hospital. I get MRI'd I I meet with the doctor the doctor is actually like a good doctor and says, hey Do you want to meet you want to see your your screenings your MRI shit? Do you want to see your knee? I was like, I would

He shows me all of it. He's like, you got arthritis. That's normal. Everything else looks fine You did a good surgery. You're you're repaired up. Everything's good, right? Perfect. Go back to the Browns training camp My agent calls. He goes. They want you to take half of your contract I said tell them to get fucked like no It's half my contract and I got traded traded stays intact so They didn't like that they bring me up like two hours later They bring me up to the head the head coach and he's like we're gonna we're gonna pass

We're gonna fail you on the physical Because your knee so it's a clever way to avoid the trade, right? And I was like, well, you can't do that because I saw my MRIs and you're a fucking liar So then he just walks out of the room He just walks right out of the room and he grabs, uh, I don't know where he went, right? I'm like this man genie Chudnovsky, okay Should the the one right after him. I think right and so he goes and gets like the the athletic trainer the guy that tapes ankles and they bring me down to like

The president the gm like all the big, you know the big guys and we're sitting in the conference room and He leaves and he's going to get like another medical guy and I'm talking to the gm or whatever and I'm like, you know, man I'm like, I don't know what you guys are doing here I get your offense. I've watched some film like I would love to play for you. I want to play I can play tomorrow like like let's just stop the money's the money. I know you got it. Don't fuck with me, you know And they were like they were like, hey, you're making a Honestly, we don't know what's going on because last night we said that's a great addition to the team when we got this trade

The other guy comes in and they try to keep up with the medical thing and I really get pissed off And this medical guy the ankle tapers like Here's he's trying to explain what's wrong with my knee, right? So I let him do his his spiel And then I fit I go, okay This guy tapes fucking ankles the doctor Show me the MRIs. You guys are fucking lying. It's all about money and we all know that and that's fucking stupid Because you're not in the position to do this kind of shit over $300,000 and a guard that you're getting for nothing. Honestly, I'm not I was on a third round contract and the new agreement

It's nothing and they let me walk right out of there and they traded me to Denver And that was it. But after I was like, fuck all of you. Fuck the Browns. I wish you the worst you're never gonna win the end and then uh Seattle picked me up and brought me into Denver the The gm from Seattle did me a solid and got me into Denver and then I'm with fucking Peyton Manning Every day and I'm high as shit in practice because I'm like so I'm hating life right now because I'm not gonna play I'm not gonna start

And and Denver's when it's getting legalized. So I got like all those edibles I got the new I got these morning mints that I'm taking on the way in to work It's like a mint, but it wakes you up. It's a sativa kind of upper. We wake up. God suck Look at the shape of this fucking view. He's falling asleep. Oh my god. Get up. Get up. Let me see eyeballs go like that It's late No, I'm not tired. We all fucked up about an hour before You know, I'm rarely the sober guy in the room, man. I'm rarely the sober guy in the room You are tonight. I am sorry. It's a nice change up now. You started at Denver

No, I didn't have a chance if you don't have an offensive line for Peyton Manning by the third Third week of preseason. You're a fucking idiot. You know what I mean? And they had they had a great They had two great guards They had a they had an okay center and the tackles were were both really solid So they were lined up and Peyton's, you know, the offense is is It's complicated and and it makes it more complicated for offensive linemen. So like Where my mindset was because I was so worn out. I'm just like, man, fuck this

Fuck this whole system. Fuck all of it. You know what I mean? And that was it. I'm like, I'm going to show up to work I'm going to clock in my hours And I'm going to go home and smoke this colorado shit and that's all I'm going to do And that that eventually hit like a point of like Fuck even that, you know what I mean? And then it was like that was it and that's when I eventually just Packed it in and left and I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I just like yeah retired I couldn't do I went back home to Seattle on the bye week and uh

I just couldn't do Shit, what happened? went back to Seattle Had a whole week bye week, right It was with my girlfriend Fucking, you know hanging out whatever took a ton of mushrooms. Okay About four days before right like I had to go back and I'm tripping my balls off I'm like doing the whole like put life in perspective put your whole world in perspective

And I was like, no, it doesn't work. It doesn't fucking work for me Come down got a day or three to like be real normal Get normal for a day or two still feel the same way Even though it fucked my head up that it was on a on a mushroom trip that I pretty much said I'm going to quit the NFL Right and god forbid I tell any could you imagine telling somebody's ESPN motherfuckers that like yeah, I dropped some mushrooms That's what I should have said though That's what I should have said right off the bat because they couldn't get their heads past You're walking away from a million dollars and it became all about that shit

You know you came all about like a million and then I had to do this whole like all you know But the reality was like I really wasn't happy with what I was doing I was like at a point where you know You were you're just like fuck it and I feel like everyone's gotten to that point, you know, I mean at some point At some point you get to that point won't you see something for what it is and you just go What's the point of doing this shit exactly? Lee hit it Cock sucking little Tony Bennett on a Monday here just to break up the show a little bit. You're on fucking fire. You're great, man

I love it It's easy east coast man. It's like being home. Yeah, great Lee's sat in the house ready for another green hornet Never sure you're just tough as fucking this Somebody Let me give it some shout out to you real quick We'll move this right along Always waiting for dust my main man René and Castillon

Tim woody no No north short Scott Jason Seagans Naughty Nate nasty Nate whatever your fucking name is mr. Gonzo Kern Michael Constantine rain and my main man Juan Vargas. I love you cocksuckers stay black We're here talking to my main man John Moffitt You retire you get to Seattle. How do you end up in LA? Oh my god Well, the first time I ended up in LA was for rehab

Okay, because I went to Malibu passages which was weird as shit because when I was on my little bender I kept seeing commercials for that dude. Yes. I was an addict for 10 years. Who gives a fuck. You're a pussy Thank you. You gotta go another 10 15 years before you can open up a rehab. I could open up a rehab You gotta work yourself to that fucking position. We hit the air conditioner. We're sweating up a storm in here Really? I'm freezing. I am. Do you see me? Yeah, me too. Yeah Get together. You're slipping as a fucking steam bed I'm freezing. So you go to rehab you get your life together. Yeah, so basically so So when I finish I'm I'm like, I mean when when I left I was literally I was being so blunt and honest as possible

I'm like, look, I'm just not happy. I don't like this shit. I can't do it, right? And uh, there was no like plan B. There was no like, oh, I'll go into this I had no I had no clue what I was gonna do. So I was like, I like radio stuff. I like this. Maybe I'll I'll just go that way Um, so thank you, brother. Yeah, thank you. I'm good. I'm good. No, he might need a water. Yeah, let me get it Let me get a water, please. I'm good. I'll be peeing to eat in the fucking morning I'm freezing cold. How can you be freezing cold? It was a hot day today. Now. It's cold day today in LA All right, so look at Lisa. It's a little flying to you. Look at the physique. It's a savage It's a physique. I just went to my first sater out here too. It was fun. Yeah, I'm sorry

That's the worst one for Jews. How's the food? It was terrible. Is it that's a bad one? No, I mean they like the brisket is good, but like there's no bread. It's all matzo, which is disgusting Nobody's nobody's eating carbs. No, the Jews don't like And then you can't have like you can ever have like shrimp or anything with like meat and cheese on the same dish It's fucked up. It's a fucking nightmare. You know, I noticed that they separated everything. Yeah, I thought it was just cleanliness But no, it's a godliness. You have to have everything separate plates dishes Interesting. So now you're gonna rehab you come out Yeah, you know, yeah, I'm clean. Yeah. Yeah, and it's been a year. It's been a year. So, uh,

I basically hit like a After I left how old are you now 28? You're a young fucking man. Yeah, you still got the world by the balls That's what I keep telling myself. You look great. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I feel good. I feel really good So and you're unbreakable with Dave. Yeah, yeah How the fuck did you end up unbreakable with that savage? So I was kind of part of like a Cleaning up and changing shit up. I was like, all right, I kind of want to train a little bit again. I think, you know, when you I left the nfl and then I went through this, you know, like just a bender just a great Party thing that climaxed in Chicago got arrested. How long was the bender six? Well

It was a bender within a bender But the intense bender within the big bender was six weeks and it was six different cities And it was not I got kicked out of the house. Basically like I couldn't go home in my home in Seattle We were on me and my girlfriend around like the no go so I went to like Miami, Las Vegas, New York, Chicago Uh LA and then back to Chicago for an ATM card with a smile on your face

I was so getting paid for playoff games. Fuck. Yeah, the Denver Broncos went to playoffs and they were giving me playoff checks Fuck. Yeah. Oh, it was it was like a like a doctor Buy me a drink and give that guy in the corner a drink to Give all these humps of drink painting manning scoring touchdowns. It was I was like the big And then and then on top of it like betting on the games too. Yeah, you don't give a fuck. Yeah I'm out. I know all this shit. I've scouted all of it, right? So I get the checks and then turn it around a little or just go below it somewhere and uh Luckily my financial advisor that I had when I was playing still had like that

But this money was all like unaccounted for fuck you, you know I'm getting and every week in the playoffs you get a new check Get a new check. It's like 20 grand. Oh every week one was 40 You're just like what the fuck I came home to the check. I didn't even know it existed I couldn't believe my girlfriend even told me she's like there's a check in the drawer. Fuck you. I'm like, oh so I so I went out and hit all these cities and then I finally climaxed in Chicago because I had like Like the alchemist I had like six different kinds of drugs on me to hit all these different points And I finally got to the point where I was like when your mugshot picture is like the worst one

in the world, you know, I mean like I get in front of that. I'm all fucked up. They don't tell you you're taking a picture Next thing you know look up, right? You have one second to think about it and I'm like look innocent for the judge That's my that's the thought that comes looks which makes no fucking sense at all Makes no sense at all, right? Clearly a drug thought. So I do I have this like puppy Dog sad pathetic mugshot. That's just fucking horrible. And when I saw that I was like, oh my god I'm going to I'm going to fucking rehab delayed that for two weeks, of course And then finally went to rehab in April

So it's been a year now And then like when you get out, you know when you quit all the drugs are on and everything your mind is just like It's different. Oh my god. So you don't really know what you like Hey, what do I reject? What do I not? What do I actually believe in? What do I not? It's scary. Yeah First 90 days when you're sober is a very scary thought because you haven't thought clear No, you haven't thought clear in years. I got locked up by the fourth month. I was thinking tip-top. I'm drinking water Yeah, I'm eating wonder bread. I'm getting three squares. I'm sleeping nine hours. Your mind comes back And you even start questioning yourself like where have I been? Yeah, where has you know, john been whereas joey d has been

Now could you like stayed on under contract and just gone to rehab And then like not had to retire it took me um The quitting like there are separate things and then and then sometimes you think I think that they could be connected The fucked up thing that the thing that annoys me is that when I quit It was very public because I was like, hey, maybe I'll do radio I'll do some interviews and I'll segue that into radio. It actually worked. I had two offers up in seattle for like

Do you want to do a show or this or that? But they want to talk about sports and I was like, hey fuck sports like I can't do you're done I can't do this shit anymore. So that I kind of steered away from that but When I quit I really was like I I'm not I'm not doing this and then obviously it was I kept finding things. I said blatantly. I like I'm very unhappy With what I'm doing. I'm not happy in life. I need to change it So classically like you're not happy just do a bunch of drugs and that leads to the next thing in chicago. Yeah, exactly

So whether one played off the other one was with the other Whatever, you know, I mean, that's kind of the situation But I think it needed me Like there was no way I was ever going to go to john elway and be like, hey, I need to go to rehab We're on a Super Bowl run, but I got to go to rehab right now and that was the other fucked up thing. I was like um Both my teams were in the Super Bowl that year the team I got traded from We just played that when I got to we played the Denver Broncos. I was in seattle in a pre-season game

I got traded to fucking Denver But Browns and then Denver and that was their first meeting since getting their asses kicked by seattle that the team I was on and I always in the front yelling at everybody and I'm in the back of the room like Jesus christ This is weird and then they go play each other in the Super Bowl Which was like the other bizarre thing which I was like shit. I should really sell both these playbooks I wish someone I was waiting for someone to contact me To fucking I will give you all of the plays and I'm pretty sure I told on Omaha Like I was in an interview like early on and I was like, you know, everyone understands

Omaha is when Peyton's like gonna snap the football right and then after that it became like I'm not saying after that me the guy says it all the fucking time all the time. I would have given him everything You miss it Yeah, a little bit. I do. I miss I miss the uh This is what you've done since you were how old Eight years old every time a fucking leaf comes down. Yeah every time July comes. What do you think about that's it? I gotta go lift weights. I gotta eat good. I gotta yeah I still remember when football season were coming in the neighborhood

You could always tell how the guys are going to play football how they changed a little bit. They started running laps, you know And and you have to miss that it's a part of who the fuck you are, you know, you know, it's so uh It's kind of I've always said That playing in a football game is just like getting high Because the whole process is like very similar like you you and science has even proven that football players are addicted to adrenaline Most football players have adrenaline spikes that are like crazy But you know, you go in you're about to go into the game You're about to play the game

You know, you know, it's there you're waiting you're a little nervous You know what's happening and then you know, you walk out the tunnel it builds This is building building building building and then first snap comes then you're just on For fucking three hours just going and then you crash after And then that's it and the and the lifestyle too the extremism and lifestyle where I could be like all right party party party party Okay, clean up clean up now. It's football time clean up play football You know as good as you could clean up and then okay party party party So those two like that like extremism you can see it matches perfectly with addiction and matches perfectly with

You know alcoholism all of it really You know, it's it's the same thing with a comics life, you know, absolutely You have 23 fucking hours to burn you could read so many books. You could jerk off so many times Yeah, eventually I'm gonna smoke a joint. I'll have a drink or something. Thank god. I don't fall into the drink Category I have nothing against people drink. I'm a smoker, you know, I like but I mean anything like that. Look at you know, John Jones or fucking MMA. Oh my god. Yeah, you know, you live when you're addicted to something Like I said, it's not the addiction. It's how you react how your day goes

You know, that's why when I always tell people when I when I did coke I couldn't control my day I don't know if I'm gonna be driving leaves on the cup me open I'm gonna get out and yell at him in the front call and call him a cocksucker and he's gonna shoot me I'm gonna shoot him back. That's your day. You cannot control yourself. I knew okay. Let's say I went to Miami Let's say I went to Miami to do comedy Uh, I get in the night before like Tuesday. He has a feature act I get in Monday night. You think I get there because I cared about the club No, I got there because I walked right to the club and asked him for a hundred dollar draw

And I called the columbian and he came over and brought me a package So I know if I did blow Monday and Tuesday night I had to take Wednesday night off I knew this as an attic and as a comic But if I wanted to do good for the weekend I had to take like Wednesday or Thursday off And then I could get high on saturday night after the third show and I could go deep because who gives a fuck about sunday anyway You know So I knew when I could that's the same thing. You're you know, you know You get high and then there were some weeks where I couldn't control it

I had one thing. I had one personal rule. I did not get high before I went on stage. I smoked 50 joints I'll take a valium. I'll have two fucking amaretto and milks But I will not fucking do a bump because I knew my timing would be completely off That's just me But when I was locked up, I would do speed on monday with these fucking biker dudes in prison Right and on monday nights. We had to play basketball And I do like three and I was in great shape then I swam every day. Well before I got locked up I knew I was going to get locked up in colorado

So I got into swimming and lifting and I rode a bike. I didn't have a car I sold the car and I just rode a bike and I'll tell you what I would do Six or seven laps with the meth and me whatever the fuck. We would we would snort it. Yeah And oh my god, I couldn't play fucking basketball after a while. I thought my My heart was gonna bounce out of my chest. It was too much. It would be bouncing alone by itself Why do I want to be running laps like a fucking yo-yo for? Is it can you guys like explain just because for like for me, I'm like the straightest guy ever I know now I'm super high but like I don't have anything in my life that would have like that

I would do that would hurt me So like for someone like me on the outside who let's say you're a headlining comedian or you're in the nfl Like why like it seems like it should have been an easier decision to let just not do it But it just seems like it's just not even a decision He just explained it Lee You got to turn that animal off It's very tough It's very tough. There's some guys you played with that didn't say two words, correct? Yeah. Yeah went home afterward

They fucked their wives. Yeah, they went hunting. They went fishing. They chewed tobacco. Yeah, that's what offensive linemen do Then there's the other half of your offensive linemen Where they can't turn that fucking blocks off they go home and they still see themselves Shuffling their feet they count and shuffle They start counting fucking shuffles and shit, you know, and that's with everything anything that listen man It's tough having a nine to five It's tough driving the 405 and thinking about your kids. Can you imagine playing in front of how many people on the weekends? 80 to 100 okay somebody always at your door knocking

It's about money dawg. You got two weeks to get your life together. It's about money It's not about high school no more the coach don't give a fuck who's here to see you You don't perform somebody else to come in and do the fucking job for you You get hurt. You got to sweat it out a little bit Oh, yeah, you got to go back and there's three guys now that know you're hurt and they're doing push-ups They're eating spinach and they're fucking doing that thing. It's pressure, man It's pressure and sometimes money is too much pressure for people. Yeah, I love doing stand-up. You know when I hate it When I gotta get paid

Really? I hate it. I fucking hate the whole thing. I don't want it to be a chore. Yeah, I want to be sitting here with you right now You know what bro? What are you gonna do after? Let's go get some wings There's a stage. I'm gonna crack some jokes and that's how I make a living They give me a guaranteed 25 bucks or something. I'd be happy But when I got to fight with people and I can't even you know, I thought you played football In the back of my fucking mind, you went to college. You got your dick sucked. You got a fucking degree Okay, you got drafted and you went and they gave you a playbook and you played football

No, they give you 200 pages of fucking things to read and team conduct and other fellow rules And shit that you can and you can't do and you still look like this going. I thought this was football. This is mild communism For a fucking paycheck. They want me to do that. Okay. I understand the code of ethics And I understand a lot of things but in today's world, it's completely different Well, isn't didn't gadelic really tightened down everything that's what I heard like the one gadel came in just made everything awful It's a corporation now. Yeah, they're making billions of fucking dollars. But guess what he has a bad game He misses a block I have the right now to go on twitter and call him a fucking cunt

That's what I have the right of Because I either am a fan of seattle or denver's or cleveland I have the right so how many times can I call him a cunt? On twitter before he comes home one day You know, he has stressed his job. He hurt his knee before he goes. Hey, fuck you too. You fat fuck Now guess what? 2,000 people see that and they show that to the seattle seahawks There's a different code of ethics and now the internet adds more to it

You know, I used to go on a set of a movie You rent the eight you smoke the joint Now you're going to set up a movie and you're signing 10 waivers telling you Don't take a picture and put on social media Don't do this. Don't do that. So shooting the movie is becoming something else Okay. Yeah, I like the money and the whole thing, but excuse me. It's becoming something else And that's what I didn't like about football Like I don't understand about that's what I learned when I had when I did the longest yard

Yeah, because I talked to brian bosworth Yeah, brian bosworth is the fucking essential nfl, you know, and he wasn't a Drug guy enough. He just had issues on the other level and he didn't like it and he went head to head with them And you know, some people go, you know what I'll take this mild communism I'll support my family and keep my fucking mouth shut But then you get guys like you're the great guys. You're a sweetheart But you know what motherfucker after the game, I want to go out and fucking cut it up a little bit You know what years ago? I have a tight friend

Who's in the bind right now today? He's in a big bind right now He's looking at some jail time But for a while he thought he was a real bad ass nice kid. I grew up with him. I love him like a brother He was bouncing one night at the bar I'm fucking coked up out of my guilt I'm 60 yards away from his bar. There's a big parking lot I get out. I look at my friend. I go hold on. I take my dick out and within 10 minutes this kid I grew up with says, what are you doing?

And I go I'm pissing meanwhile his jaw is going he did two bumps my jaw is going I thought all was forgiven and for two years. He ratted on me About to pee that time. He not ratted on me. He broke my balls Every time I'd see him he'd go you have no class peeing like he got so insulted from the pee Fill this day. I can see if I pissed on your door on your mother's leg when you're cat But I'm peeing in the parking lot. Yeah 60 yards from the door. I don't you know, uh Seattle was one of those places where it took everything very literally the police department. Yeah to the tee Even if you told the cop like I'll be seeing you again, brother. He'll go

You threaten me. No, no, no. I can do comedy. Yeah, I know your partner goes in that comedy club I don't know. You might have to let me go discuss this. Some people just take the fucking shit literally, man That's sure that's fucked up that it could be like There's so much discretion Like something like if you did that here, what do you've gone to jail or what do you like what did that have happened? Well, you know like in a big city like I said, there's more There's more leniency There's more understanding

We don't have time to give you a ticket for fucking jaywalking and you know what I understand I understand that's a law bro And I didn't know and all you had to do was pull me over with your three because it was pretty guys on bicycles So I was mesmerized by the whole thing They just rolled up ticket from a guy in a fucking bicycle. Yeah, like if they arrested you did they put you on the handlebars or something I don't get I'll bend those fucking things My brother, what are your plans? You're sober. You look healthy. You're getting healthy. What are your plans? You have to world by the balls

I know, you know, I'm just uh, I decided to come down here and get in shape and kind of uh Kind of find a new direction, but really I'm just kind of keeping it easy. I'm still working out and training So I'm considering it. You know, I mean I'm considering possibly Doing more with the athletics or something like that. I know you say athletics like I'm gonna go in a fucking dodgeball, right? but uh, you know, it's it's kind of like Like I said like before when you get out of rehab you kind of realign your whole world You know, I mean and as it as it's as it's gone it kind of more changes and realign So I take it, you know one day at a time. I don't plan too far out, you know, and then kind of see where it goes

honestly That's all you could do man Just being sober like when you uh When you're young and you like to party like you when I was 25 I did not understand people who didn't party. No, and I'm not the guy hanging out with Lionel Richie at a club dancing on the I'm not that guy. I party that word meant nothing to me. I just didn't understand what How in my mind partying was to break down my mind. I looked at it that way Grandma blow a couple beers and go home

When I think about shit, and then I get my dick suck later on I make some call Yeah, whatever yeah, whatever you went through in those days, and I was just counting myself. It was the addiction I'm the first year off below while I was talking to you The shit I went through this is just six seven years ago I'll be a sober this november eight years from powder. Nice and that first fucking year was a mindfuck Because I didn't I always told people I wasn't gonna do it anymore But I just didn't know for sure. Yeah, but then as the months As the months progressed every day that I got sober

I thought about how I acted when I was sober and now I could see the change Like all of a sudden I had money in my htm account like yeah, oh my god I'd have fucking money in there like how much isn't now 280 280 I haven't had 280 in my fucking bank account in fucking years My bank account was between 32 And 100 hours at all time. I was a grown fucking man You know it's it's something that uh I do I can't even imagine today doing a blast. Yeah, I love my reach. Well, you know

I'm 52. I'm settled already brother. Yeah, I'm not gonna quit briefing now. It's too. No, it's too And I think it honestly I I think I think it's good to ease off of everything else Honestly, because you you know it and you know what it can do like I used it to ease off of everything and uh I think it's like a lesser, you know, like a lesser evil lesser evil. Absolutely all the evils you could do Listen, I'm not gonna knock on your door At 401 in the bar 50 bucks. I'm not gonna get a you know, I'm not gonna Look out the window all fucking night I'm not gonna put my family out of fucking business because I want a small blow

This reef is shit. I got into it when I was like 12 And I always liked the one aspect of it that helped me sleep at night. Yeah, I really enjoyed that and it makes Doritos taste. Oh, jeez like fucking god. You understand? And everyone's a lot more interesting too That's like half the reason I feel like I well, no, let's be fucking honest That's like one percent of the reason why I probably used everyone just gets so much more interesting You know, I mean you deal with all these people I was the thing like When you play in the league you talk about like the twitter accountability, you know

And I find football players are like the like some of the few people in the if you call it the entertainment industry that actually have to Really pander and cater to fans and still put on this like you can say whatever the fuck you want And a football player still has to be like oh good game tonight And you know god bless and you know love jesus and all the right things, you know I mean it's still like has that political kind of Aspect to it So I always found when I was playing because I had to be so fucking fake all the time You know god forbid I offended a fan that came up to me at a bar

Much easier just to get trashed and just not worry about it You know, I mean or just be like wow fucking whatever you're saying is fine You know, it doesn't really Resonate with me or you know, it's not interesting but I'll just people fans like you when you're trash They want to see you fucked up at a bar. They want you to know that, you know, you you bleed when you're cut Yeah, I noticed that at 20s. I used to see a lot of Seahawks, and then the fans really like it. You know, I mean You don't want to be pissed drunk and jawn and coke rocks rolling on your fucking nose

But you know people know at least tip your the glass and can I send you a drink over and oh, yeah, it's it's it's a Man, it's a great honor to be a professional football player, man You had that happen. Yeah, man. It was a very fun ride. It was a wild ride. It was a wild ride It was a fun one though. You're a wild dude. I can tell by that smile that smile is listen man. I hope you Find love and peace and everything you're looking for. Thank you. Once you get off that shit. It's there You know, I have a friend that drinks and I can't call her anymore and bust up balls I don't I would never bust anybody's balls because I never like you but bust in my balls We constantly bust balls, but I wouldn't bust somebody's balls about getting high

I know there's a problem exist. I'm not going to change their life by talking to them It's something a conscious decision. You got to make it yourself to make it yourself Yeah, you could get blue in the fucking face telling me how cocaine's gonna kill me joey. You love me Stop for your kids. They're gonna put you in jail All you're gonna do is drive me go get a fucking package. That's all you're doing by talking to me about that shit It's making me fucking want to go get So true But it's it's one morning you wake up and you know what? I hurt my dad. Yeah, I hurt my mom

I hurt my someone important. I hurt myself. Yeah, and you know what? You're right. Fuck football. Fuck everything else Right now. It's about taking care of you. Remember the fuck you land You're still a young man. You got the world by the balls. Thank you for coming. Hey, thank you so much for having a fucking savage Just give a shout out to your dad. I gotta I gotta give a shout out to Dave Moffitt. He's a huge fan of yours, man He's been telling me about you for two years now. They live in Connecticut. They live in Connecticut Yeah, I call. Yeah him my mom and I called him up Just on the way over here and he didn't know Like I texted him and I and I said, hey, I'm going on Diaz show

But I don't think he like got it across right and so I'm telling him on the way over here And he's like are you fucking he's like, what are the chances I tell you this that's a small world Yeah for two years now. You're on a show. I've been listening. Hey, you're the only one You know podcast you're the only one he likes. I'm telling you I want to give him a shout out I'll send him my love and stuff. I will and uh, yeah, you're down there with Dave and unbreakable, which is great. Oh, yeah That's amazing. Jim. He did you to you yet? No, just stretching. Oh my god He just stretches that long-legged motherfucker. He looks his hands are like they look like they could go through a wall Just straight, you know, like he looks like I wouldn't want to jiu-jitsu. I feel like you fuck you up, you know

He's a strong guy. He knows what he's doing. He's a little older. He's got that old man's strength Yeah, but he's a great fucking trainer. Oh, yeah, he really really knows his shit, man Every time I go there, I learned something new from him. Absolutely. I was telling Lee I get a 15 pound dumbbell in my trunk and I go to no whole park and I do setups there His setups. Yeah, they're the ones he taught me for jiu-jitsu Where I just get it and do a sit up and kick my legs up and go back That's all Dave shit. Dave's got a thousand things. Oh, yeah I went to jiu-jitsu playing I did one of the tricks he taught me where neon belly and you switch the leg

So you can't get your leg caught and the guy goes, what'd you learn that from shone? I go better yet One of his brown belts. Yeah, and he's like that's what teaches that shit. Dave's a bad motherfucker. Thank you again Thank you. I appreciate it. Hold on one second there Let's give a shout out to my main motherfuckers over there and on it alpha brain bitches Complete earth gone new tropic. You understand me. You're fucked up. You can't get your heads cleared Alpha brain is the way to go dirty day money back guarantee We don't even want the product back. Who does that shit? You know your drug dealer and you I didn't like your fucking heroin

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Staying clean you want to hike around moffat's always there on fucking Twitter, you know facebook Yeah, yeah, I don't really do the facebook. All right. Just go to twitter And if you smoke dope and do drugs stay away from moffat, don't let me find out you're on twitter showing me a little raggedy This if you're cleaning sober and you want to show him your pussy. He's available. Listen. No vegan pussy Smells like fucking 10 dead iranians that vegan pussy the ph is off the pussy's all whacked up No vegan pussy at this fucking house. All right. I love you cocksucker stay black one more time My main man john moffat one more time my main man lisa. Yeah Bitches las vegas this weekend. Watch that pussy uncle joey's coming to town

If you're a vegan eat a steak, bitch balance off that little monkey spray The ice house next wednesday night, and then i'm in oklahoma city where you bad motherfuckers Stay black. See you thursday with andy delores. You got any dogs or cats? Check in we're gonna talk about fucking cbd's for your dog if you Let's say your dog is fucking stupid or retarded. We'll give him a fucking treatable And he'll see the devil this fucking You're doing like a pbs like Chicken next week will the cbd's

Fuck you laughing about Because I have no idea I got a ticket to Boston I can't believe it man. They wanted so much fucking money and I also got an email today for eligibility on tsa. I don't have to check in no more ocean Oh, did you get your uh incident you walked? I'm gonna do that. I guess they erased my police record bitches We're still going in the ass. Oh, you know, I don't fucking know. They just emailed me That's crazy though. It's eight years though like would you ever think about it like 10 years ago? What's that let you be eight years sober? That's crazy. I didn't know it's eight. Who fucking knows wrap it up. We're getting out. Oh, we're done. Okay

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So The thrill is gone the thrill is gone away The thrill is gone, baby The thrill is gone away You know you've done me wrong, baby, and you'll be sorry someday The thrill is gone It's gone away from me The thrill is gone, baby

The thrill is gone away from me Oh Although I'm still living But so lonely Oh The thrill is gone It's gone away from me Oh the thrill is gone

Baby it's gone away from me Someday I know I'll be over it all, baby Just like I know what to mention You know I'm free free now, baby I'm free from your spell Oh I'm free free free now I'm free from your spell

And now that it's all over All I can do is wish you well Oh Oh Oh Oh You