Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #296 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 2, 2015

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.  This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   
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   Music:
 Hell Bent For Leather - Judas PriestBrother"s Gonna Work It Out - Public Enemy

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leader in optimum optimization. Use code word church to get 10% off all their products like alphabrain, new mood, shumtech immune, shumtech sport, strong bone, it's code word church to get 10% off. Tilleraw, are you fucking nuts? It's tremendous out if you don't have it at the house. It's amazing. Oh, just myself and my beautiful, Jewish co-host. The flying Jew, aka Israel's own director, Mr. Lee, Boogaloo, where's the envelope, Syat?

What's happening, brother? I'm doing great, man. I had a great couple of days and just excited to be here. I didn't know that it's a surprise we're doing it, so I'm just happy to be here. Well, I was supposed to be fucking out of town, but we were leaving for San Diego. The plan was basically this.

We were gonna, the baby gets fucking car sick. And my wife misses details in the conversations, you know, or maybe I'm busy or, you know, I hear stuff. Like, last two weeks ago, she got sick on the way to a zoo in LA. Oh no. You know, so my wife was like, I still don't know if she gets car sick or not.

It's hereditary. I had it. I still get it once or twice a fucking year. If I leave the house in the rush or I don't have breakfast. And how long does it take? Cause how long, it's like at 20 minutes and she's already getting sick? 20 minutes.

Oh no. She got sick by Commerce Casino on the five. The first time. And then we got off, cleaned her up, and we said, let's give it a break for 40 minutes. By that time it's one 30. You know, you were at the house with the cats. And we went again for like three miles and she got sick again

and we just turned the car around. And I felt, but listen, the baby didn't know we were going to go to the zoo. I felt bad for my wife. It's our anniversary weekend, you know? And I was looking forward to giving her a break, you know? I travel every week and I don't shun it, but I look at it as very, just another day for me.

It's not as fun for you. Right, for some people, you know, and she must sit there every weekend and go, you know, she gets to travel, be on a plane, blah, blah, blah. So we didn't have enough time for us to get on the plane, but I wanted to make a nice trip for her to just to get her out of the element, you know? Just to get out.

I mean, she lives with that little girl and we would still be around that little girl for two days. It just wouldn't be us, but... And is it like, would a train work? Like, or is it all moving beings? I don't want to put myself in a, what if I get her on the train? Right.

Do you get car sick when it stays for a while? What if I got to get off and fucking Calabasas somewhere and now I'm stranded with no fucking car? Right. So it's like, she said to me, well, the last time we went back to Chicago, she got sick right before we landed in Chicago. That's great to fucking know,

because if she gets six in four hours, what's going to happen to all the way to New York City? For another two hours, she's going to feel like dick. I don't really want to take the chance. I know what it is to get car sick. I know. What is it like? I've never been car sick.

You just start getting dizzy and it gets hot. And also then you got to pull over and barf and then you get back in and it's like being fucking seasick. So today we found, we got invited to a barbecue Saturday, like two weeks ago and it's like 30 miles up. So we got a Dramamine for a two year old's and up. Okay. And you can give it to her every six hours

and that takes away some of the sickness that, you know, because we got to go up hills. Oh yeah. So we got to go up hills and that's like, we can't take it to the beach. You get sick on the way down to Panya Canyon. If we take it down to four or five. I almost get sick on to Panya Canyon.

Yeah. You know, it's not in the fucking morning. Your body's not a base. I guess the word is I don't fucking know. Last time I got really sick. I was shooting a movie in the beach and we went up one of those hills in a van. I was sitting in the back, couldn't do it.

Couldn't do the scene. They tried, they tried. I couldn't do the fucking scene. We had to do a different take of it because that's how car sick I get. So it's, and I had it worse when I was her age, like from three to seven, it was horrendously bad. And then it became a thing, a thing here and there,

and then it went away and then now it's still, I don't know when it's gonna come. I remember one day I had to do radio. So this day, the comedy club people do not talk to me. They think like I was bullshitting them. No, I had to do radio and I told them, I don't wanna drive, get me a hotel room that early. They're like, no, we're not gonna go for the hotel room.

So I said, okay, you're gonna make me drive from Hollywood all the way to fucking Ventura and then back home and then back up to what, well, we can't, there's no hotel. So what am I gonna do in Ventura from five in the fucking morning? You know what I'm saying? Go to fucking beach, these douchebags. You know, they didn't wanna pay.

And on the way up, sure enough, I get sick as a dog. I gotta drive home with puke in my shirt. I had to take the fucking shirt off and drive with my fat titties out. So you know what, I'm just gonna wait for her because first thing I said, my wife goes, oh, I think she's gonna get sick. And the first thing I told my wife,

I said, mercy, are you sick? And she goes, I sick daddy. I'm right there with, she said, I sick. I can hear the boo. And that's a horrible noise to hear your child make. So for me, I don't give a fuck about San Diego. I just don't want her to get car sick. You know, and he had my wife's like,

well, once she gets car sick, it goes away. We don't know that. We don't fuck. She's already gotten car sick. One time she got car sick three times on one ride. We weren't even going nowhere. The way to the knee doctor at that time, the Marina Del Rey,

just as we were pulling into the parking lot. She fucking barfed everywhere. So I feel bad, but it's been a really weird week because it's been very surreal for me, you know, 15 fucking years at the same moment. And I mean, I love her to death. I mean, I wouldn't be here without her. I know that and I'm mad enough to admit that, you know,

I wouldn't be here at all. She was, she slowed me down a little bit more than prison. She gave me something to think about, you know, and I finally came through. And I wasn't the perfect guy the first two fucking years, but I didn't embarrass her or nothing like that. And I'm happy I stuck it out because I became a better man.

You know, I didn't know that for sure that. I was thinking about that this week because it's two years from Paul and I in a couple of weeks. And I'm like, wow, Joey and Terry have been together for eight times as long as that. And it's just, you always talk about like, oh, I didn't think it was going to be a life till 30 or a life till 50.

Like, if someone had told you, you'd be with the same woman for 15 years, that must be pretty crazy. Well, I always wanted to be with the same woman. I was always looking for somebody to be with, you know. I wasn't looking to sleep around. I was looking to be with one woman because I knew. I knew if I tangled with the right woman, you know,

and I listened, man, people get confused. They all want to grow up to be single. They think it's cool to be single. I didn't want to die by myself. Nobody wants to fucking die by myself. When you're 20, it's cool to say that the bar in front of your jerk off fucking buddies, you know. But in reality, you don't know

who wants to die by the fucking cells. It's not even so much that I thought you wanted to be like hooking up with different girls or whatever. But I would, I mean, you tell me, I guess, when you're, when you're that much into drugs, could you have girlfriends or is it more just like hookups every now and then? Listen, before Terry, I was single maybe three years.

Maybe, no, no, no, no, like two years. I'm for two years, look at me, nobody goes on a date with me. But if I had drugs and they came back to the hotel room and things worked out, maybe something would happen. I wouldn't say nothing. You know, I move on with my life and they move on with their life and that's it.

It's a great way to live if that's what you want to do. But I wasn't, you know, it wasn't, I knew that for me to be where I wanted to be. And I always thought this, after I got married the first time, I knew that when you see a guy and he's got it together and he's got a certain look on his face,

he's got something good at the house. You know, I'm not talking about a piece of ass. I'm talking about something all around that's good, that comforts you, that slows you down. That really, sometimes you see a guy and he's really good looking and he's got a girlfriend that's not that good looking, a vice versa.

It's not about that. It's about what they, what voids they fill. You know, when you look at someone like Bruce Lee, who was a star and then you look like Linda Lee, she wasn't the best looking woman in the world. But in all the interviews about Linda Lee, they all said that she stopped him in his tracks. There was something about Linda

that Linda could talk to him, that could stop him, that control him. You know, he was buck wild. And that's what Terry did with me at times, you know. Like I said, I stopped doing drugs because yeah, I promised a cat. But the real truth of that was, I didn't want Terry to fucking get a call

to find me on the floor. You imagine, I die in Houston, snort and blow from a heart attack. You gotta fly to Houston, get me, come back. I just didn't come and let her down, you know. So I'm really happy that we lasted the 15 years. And it was work, you know.

But for me, it came easy because I knew I had to work. I knew the mistakes I made when I first was married and I didn't work. And then when it fell apart, I acted like, what happened? You know what fucking happened? You didn't fucking work. You didn't give in here, you didn't give in there. You know, when you were there, you were bitching, you know.

What did you think, like when you first started dating or what did you think it was gonna be? Or did you think about it at all? When I first took up with her, she was about 37. I was 37. God knows how old she was. She was like fucking 32. You know, we just started dating.

We didn't say much. I didn't say much. I was living on somebody's floor. Yeah, she said you just showed up with your bag. Yeah, and then one September. Like after three or four months of us dating, I was on the floor sick. And she goes, come over.

And I just brought my laundry over there. And then I just stayed. I mean, what was I gonna do? And then we built this little fucking house and we got the cats and we got everything renovated and we got new furniture and you know, everything we made was like a big celebration. Like I said, I won't throw that television away

in my closet because it was the first TV we ever bought. What kind of TV was it? Who the fuck knows? It was $200 at Walmart. But guess what, it still works. It's still a tremendous television. It's not computer ready and all that shit. But let me tell you something.

In some garage for somebody, I fucking gotta be a badass TV. We bought that. I did a gig somewhere and I got 500 bucks for the gig. And we banged the check and we spent 200 on this TV. We couldn't even get a neon. We got a green neon. My car had blown up.

My car had been towed. When I met her, I had no car. So we shared a car and I made half the payments when I started dating her. That was the deal. We started this in scratch. She would make $40 and some days I'd be broke. And I talked shit about Starbucks,

but Starbucks got us out of the hole. Starbucks got us out of the hole. Starbucks changed everything because we were fucking broke in 2003 or 2004. And she quit the comedy store because she switched to accounting. She goes, fuck it, I have a degree. Why am I waitressing?

So she switched to accounting. So she couldn't get a job. She was getting day jobs. What do they call those? Temp job? Yeah. And then she got a job at Starbucks and they really liked it.

So they put her in the gay one on Santa Monica Boulevard. Oh really? And she was making 250 to 300 dollars a day in tips. Really? You mean just making coffee? Because that's the gay one. They were giving three dollars a person in there. Oh shit.

It's one of the busiest ones and the heavy tipping because they're all gay. So we were living off her fucking tips. Tips are the best. How crazy is that? We were living off her. She was working three ships, making 800 bucks with a check.

That's pretty sad that she made more Starbucks than- This is 2003. This is before Starbucks knew what was really going on. Once they caught on, they switched everything, the payment, they switched the insurance, or whatever the fuck they do. Oh no, but even I'm just saying like when you're in a comedy club and they have a two drink minimum,

you think you'd make more tips than you would at a Starbucks? It was really weird. And then she got the call at the Hollywood Bowl. And I got the call for Spider-Man. No, for the longest yard. Like right about that time. She had just started at the Hollywood Bowl,

maybe a week before I left. Like I said, when I left for the longest show, she hadn't even gotten her first check yet. Jesus. You know? And then it was weird because all those four years, we just basically dated and we lived with each other, but I was always working on the road.

And I was just starting my film and television. So I was always auditioning. I was always plotting. And I could see it was wearing her out. I could see that our lives weren't mingling. Was this during the time where you'd go out on the road for a couple of months at a time? No, a couple of weeks at a time.

Two, three weeks at a time. Two weeks, Christmas, new years. So I never got to see it. I got to see her at night for two hours and I gave her the money I got or whatever. You know, it was just really weird. And then during the longest yard one day, I got up at four, I slept one night

instead of doing blouto five in the morning. I got up and this was the first week that we were working here and she put my clothes out for me. And then the shower, I said, you know, I have to stop, start giving her more attention because anybody who gets up at four in the morning and puts your football uniform out deserves a little bit more attention.

Never since that was when I started doing date nights. And I could see she was getting happier. You know, and I think at like eighth year mark, we started drifting again. I went into a little funk after the longest yard and then after the strike in 2007. Yeah. I went into a little funk, man.

It was terribly. Just because you couldn't find acting work? Couldn't find acting work. I was in a crossroads with stand up. You know, here I was, you know, fucking 45, 44, 46, or 44, 43 years old and I'm a mediocre stand up. I'm getting kind of rolls here and there. Yeah, I'm making strides, but there were slow strides.

Do you follow me? And then it just shut down. Then after, my name is Earl. I did like six episodes of my name is Earl. Then there's a fucking strike. And I'm sitting there and nobody's talking. Nobody's doing nothing. And my stand up is wobbly.

You know, I'm just going up there. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, you know? And something happened. I joined Kung Fu. I started losing weight. I started working on the weight, you know, whatever was fucking with my mind. I said, I'm not going to take care with depressants

and I'm going to go and take care of what exercise. I'm going to make exercise. I'm going to go back to where I started. When I came from Cuba and everything, I went to karate. I'm going to go back to a regular karate class and sit in the back with kids and be the fat guy in a fucking suit in the back and throwing halfway kicks and breathing heavy

and turning red in the face, you know? But I did that for a while. And I did that for like three years until we moved to the valley. And during that was one day I was talking to the guy and he said something that just made a ton of sense. And I got in my car and I picked up the phone. I called Terry at work and I go,

listen, it's September something. I think we should get fucking married. And she said, well, I go, let's get married the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Nobody does that. And this was one of the best calls I've ever made in my life, man. You know, everything blossomed from then.

We moved up here. We got the place up here. We got the extra cat. Were you thinking about it before? Because knowing you, you're not really one to make impulsive decisions, doesn't seem like. Listen, what did he say? You lose more by indecision?

What is he saying in that scene? Oh, that's like. Yeah, when he tells the guy the same thing. Yeah. These motherfuckers, man, sitting here round, you know, listen, you know that moment where you love that one. You know, I mean, not with the part when you put the fucking plunger in her ass

and pull it out and I love this girl. And then when she cheats on you with the guy next door, you're in shock as you married a fucking hooker and a half. But I'm talking about this, that one day, that one moment in their relationship where you either gotta sit and you know it. That's why you either run like a motherfucker or you conquer it.

You know it. A guy knows it when it's that time. And some women hinted and fucking drive you crazy, but some women don't say a fucking word. And they're the ones that are more dangerous like Terry. She doesn't say nothing about it. She went home and she saw her sister-in-law and her brother with a baby.

And I could tell she came back and she's like, this guy's never gonna give me a baby. I love him, but maybe we should break up and I should start over. And I didn't want to lose. I'm like, well, if I lose Terry, I would be done. That would be my biggest flop. She never once in the, I don't know how many years

you guys were together before the marriage? No, no, we would goof around and stuff. And she'd say, you're not gonna ask me anyway. And one day I just said on the phone, I called up and I called her father after that. Said I want to marry her. He cried. I cried and then we got shitty rings.

She made the cake. You know, I had a suit. She bought a dress. We rented a place in Lucia. There was no celebrities. There was no helicopters. There was no stupidity. There was nothing.

It was just two people getting married. I didn't have ushers. I didn't have people driving. You came as you came. We didn't even want a gift. We just wanted to celebrate a wedding, man. Everything is bullshit. Everybody gets married for the wrong fucking reasons

in this country. And then when they get married, it's a 10,000, 20,000. Why? Why? I don't even fucking like you. Why are we spending all this dough for? You know, because that's what you know. And you have to somewhere along the line,

go listen, man, this is about love. This is another deal by your cousin or your mother or my mother or my step-father. Another deal with nobody. We could either drop 30 or we could drop five and do it for us and have a great time and save money. And that's when you really love somebody. You know, I was looking at that,

you know, all those black chicks from the view. Sherry Shepherd, the one before her, they had sensational weddings with Pete Diddy and Oprah was there and a lot of fateness and fucking armpit stink under a fucking tent in the summer. And look at them now. She's paying channel support, the other one, all those fucking half million dollar weddings

to show our love, everybody's dressed in white like this chick never sucked a dick before. You know, stop it. You know, right there, you're fucking lying to me. Why are we lying to each other? Right. Let's just go in there and make this for ourselves. And it fucking worked.

It fucking worked, man. We had a great time and I'm happy and it's been a struggle. It's been a fucking struggle, but that's what marriage is. And if you bail, you know, we live in times in this country where people have a hard time and they fucking bail on a marriage. Yeah. They bail, listen, I get it.

This guy's drinking, he's a fucking junkie and you know, you can only give him so many chances. But I've seen, I've heard couples bail for less reasons, you know, for fucking less reasons. And that, I mean, that doesn't mean that you guys don't fight because I've seen you guys not have like a physical fight at all, but you guys get angry at each other and sometimes she'll, like her and I have to talk sometimes

for the podcast and she'll be like, oh, Joey or this or Joey that and then, but it's, you guys have like a, it's not like vicious or anything like that. Listen, brother, every day can't be fucking roses in nobody's relationships. Every relationship has that peace and value. Yeah. As long as you know that going in, when you're young

and you don't know that going in, something goes sideways and we bail, it's our natural instinct. Instead of stepping back, some of us get into an argument, you step back and you go in there, you apologize and you work around that situation. I didn't do that. At 25, I didn't do that. Nobody fucking does that at 25.

Nobody has that type of logic. You know, when we're 25 and 26 and we get married and it's a mistake, we're fucking weak because we know we go right back to the bar. Yeah. Oh, I'm missing out. My buddies are getting their asses, they're dick soft and people flying off handles and everybody's doing drugs

and I'm with this fucking hook face bitch. You know, sitting here talking about dishes and her mother's fucking missing foot. Who gives a fuck? You know, so there's that thing, you know? No, man, marriage is a lot of fucking work. A relationship is hard work. Whether you're dating or whatever,

you have to throw your cars on the table. I thought about you the other day because actually I sat Paula down and I just talked to her just because I'm starting to look to do some stuff on the road a little bit and I'm just trying to work more. Like, I actually went and thought about what you said about like that I should be doing that stuff on Friday

and I sat at it just because I was like, you've said that to me a bunch of times and I've heard you tell to other people that you have to say it from the beginning and that way like you won't get into a fight six months down the road. Listen, man, there's nothing I like more than hanging out with Terry when I was hanging out with Terry.

I just told Terry now. We were in the room watching Halloween night, ghost on bright and she's singing and she's going, ooh, and she's vampire. And my wife goes, where are you going? Like, I'm going to do a podcast. Now in the bathroom, the brush and my teeth and she followed me and she goes,

you know, really you're leaving and I go, what the fuck do you think I do? There's a time for fun and fucking games and there's a time because it happened to me when she was pregnant. I forgot about everything. I was there catering for her. I wouldn't write material.

I would, and that's what you're supposed to do as a man but your other responsibility as a man is covering the spread. And I didn't say it to you in the wrong way. I was, I said it to you that Monday because you came on the podcast one day and you said you needed money and I don't, you know, in my world,

when you need money, you wrap up your fucking sleeves and you go to work. You need money, you have to look mom in the face and say this is what I do. But we had plans, I don't give a fuck what plans? Jesus had plans and he died, okay? Jesus had plans on a Thursday night and look what happened to him.

We got to work, we work. I don't know what the fuck world you come from. You're Mexican, you know, it's in your blood. We work, Jack, I'm Jewish, we work. And she was really cool with it. But I just, I was thinking about it and I was like, cause I have to go now, now like there's three weeks in August

when we're not gonna see each other really. And I was like, oh, I should say something now. Just so she understood. A woman understands a fucking freak of nature. Well, I'm gonna have to go out and meet other men. What do you think these guys do? What do you think these guys do to support your fucking spoil dash?

You gotta work unless money comes down from the fucking stars and I don't know about it. Unless you know something I fucking don't know, we gotta work. And it's not even that, Lee. It's more of a discipline. Yeah, I love you. I'll see you at one from eight to one.

I'm gonna work my ass. So I'm gonna make those emails. I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna go food, you know what I'm saying? The things I need. It's a piece, it's air. You always need those two hours. You're always thinking, you don't work for somebody.

You don't go in on Monday at nine to give you orders for the weekend you leave on Friday. You're always creating. You're always looking, you know, people hit me up or what are you doing, Joey Karate videos? When hell freezes over. I've evolved from that. You know, I'm thinking of doing

some other fucking Jiu-Jitsu video. I'm thinking of doing a thousand things. We never call V-Back. We never call the kid that fucking came in for the thing back. You know, my days change from day to day. I'm very fortunate to be able to even do the podcast. Three people call me every week to do a fucking podcast.

I go, when? I got a call from what's his name? Three, a month ago to come down and do the podcast. The fighter and the kid come back. It's been a month ago. A month, you know, we don't have the fucking time. The time, you know, I wish I had time to jump up and shoot fucking videos.

Even when she's at school. I got three days a week. This week was great. The last two days, Lee, have been great because I really haven't had much on the books. It's given me a chance to clean up those emails. You know, those emails that you went to. You ever go to Olds and you're like,

why do I have Lee's shoe size in here from 2010? You know, I cleaned out all that shit. I cleaned out three boxes of paperwork in my shelves. Auditions, plane tickets, you know, itineraries. I did a little thing. I took a fucking box of clothes for these people across the street here, the goodwill. You know, I had one sock of one, one sock of the other,

82 black shirts, you know, cons. I had so much shit to do. Tomorrow I'm gonna bring up the casing I bought to fit more clothes and so I gotta move on. So I gave away half the books I had. By the way, I'm reading a good fucking book. Duff McCagan's book, The Guy from Guns and Roses. Oh shit.

It's called It's So Easy, Holy Shit. This guy's fucking pancreas blew up. That's how much he was drinking. His fucking, his pancreas grew to the size of a football and blew the fuck up, dog. He's on whatever the fuck you call it, dialysis for the rest of his life. He was drinking 10 bottles of wine just to start off

with fuck my little stars at death. I'm a fucking half a fruitcake compared to that fucking guy. Now listen, man, the work ethic, the commitment, you know, everybody quits before the miracle happens. They don't, you know, everybody quits before the miracle happens. You're an independent contractor. So what do you tell, you look at me and you go,

you don't join if I can put five hours down a day. That's 25 hours a week. Couple of hours with you, couple of hours have some t-shirts, podcasts, that's all you need. But you're never in the position to take a day off. Right, yeah. On Saturdays, who the fuck takes a Saturday off?

Yeah, I take a Saturday off, but I'm still writing. I'm still, when I'm on the road, that's why I like going on the road because I get to clean up all that shit. Some days I walk in, I think of something stupid and I write it the fuck down. Never go on the fucking jersey of Mike's again. Why?

Disgusting service. And it's getting worse and worse and worse and worse and worse. You know why? Because they always ask you what you want in your sandwich when you're not in front of them. And then by the time you get to the cabinet, they give you your sandwich, got vinegar on.

Who said vinegar on this fucking thing? Do I want Mike's way on a fucking turkey? Who puts vinegar on a fucking turkey sandwich? Not me. No, I hope not. Yeah, I always wondered why they did that. Like when you're next in line, they ask you. Yeah, they ask you.

Everywhere I ask you when you're there. No, they ask you when you're a mile away, then they fuck the sandwich up and I caught the guy. And it's always a guy with a fucking tattoo on his forearm. I don't know what it is with tattoos on your left forearm. You're fucking retarded. The ink goes to the fucked up side of your brain and you can't make a fucking sandwich.

I swear to God, it's always a kid with a lie. And every time I see a guy at Jersey Mike's with a fucking forearm tattoo on his left side, the inside forearm, I go, there goes my fucking sandwich. See you back to Subway? No, not in a million years. Not in a million fucking years. I'm done with sandwiches.

Look at the side. Every time I go, whatever, I get the regular fucking turkey and they fuck it up. Last time they put mustard on it. What puts mustard on turkey unless you help Billy Joe? I'm not a brown lester. Yeah, I know, I know. Well, you can't have mayo all the time.

Yes, you can. Oh, that's what it calls for. It's really bad calorie wise. No, no, no, listen. Well, you're not gonna have light mayo, that's disgusting. Listen, what would you rather eat? That fucking bland turkey or a nice roast beef and cheese? Tell me the truth.

I don't think turkey's bland. I mean, roast beef and cheese is nice. Okay, then shut the fuck up. What I'm trying to say to you is you're already suffering by eating that fucking bland turkey that they got from some farm that don't have no flavor to it. They gotta put 10 pounds of salt on it, okay?

You gotta put a little mayonnaise on it. You're already cutting half the fucking fat if you would have, you would have had cheese, cheddar cheese and roast beef. That's my, you give and take a little bit. You follow me? You have a brown mustard on fucking mayonnaise. What are you, I'm turkey.

So I'm done with those cocksuckers too. Customer service has died in this country. And now they wanna give them a raise to 15 and now that's six bills a week to do, I fuck up my sandwich. Well, I mean, what will happen if they do raise it to 15 is they're gonna hire better people. It's gonna be the shitty people and then young high school kids won't have jobs.

Or they'll hire, like, they'll make computers to do it. That's what I need. Some fucking machine from outer space making my fucking sandwich. That's what I need in this day and age. Not to make the sandwich, but till I take the order. Like, I have no idea how McDonald's even has employees anymore.

Why does that? Cause you could just use a computer really up until the sandwich. When was the last time you hit McDonald's a month ago? Oh, we had McDonald's like a few months ago, but I'm excited for it. I haven't had it forever. Sales are down, do you see that?

I'm convinced it's cause of me. Sure it is, cause I got you off that shit, eating that fucking shit. You're gonna sit there one day when you're 15, and go, I still have an asshole cause of Joey. You're gonna have to lock this one up and drill one under my nut sack. That's good, man.

No, no, no, I'm happy that, and you know what, at this age, and what's going on in my life, my wife is happy. She smiles a lot, she's having a great time with the baby. You know, it's hard to believe this, but I gotta say it, she's the real first person I've made happy, you know, like I was genuine, and I work really hard to make her happy.

I don't want this to be a unpleasant experience for her until after the baby goes to be five, I don't give a fuck what happens, but till now I wanted to be happy with the baby, and have a good time with the baby, cause that shows in the baby's happiness, you know. Well, what do you mean make happy, because you have a ton of friends who love you, but,

so, it's different, it's different, it's, somebody who you genuinely looked at you, she had no reason to trust me 15 years ago, man. Do you know what I'm saying? She had no reason to fucking trust me, and I didn't, she came to me like after three weeks and she's like, all these people are coming up to me and scaring me, what did you do?

You went to prison and, she had no idea? Yeah, she knew, but she didn't, you know, and then I started sleeping over that, right? Like little by little, like one night here, one night here, and one night, I called Marilyn from there, right? And Marilyn called back, like a three in the morning, and she, and my wife answered, Marilyn was like, cocksucker,

and my wife's like, who the fuck is this? And she's like, Marilyn, and my wife liked Marilyn, you know, my wife, we went over there a thousand times, but like a week later, dice called over there one night at three in the morning, and she was like, listen, man, one day she sat me down, and she's like, I don't know if you can stay here anymore, tonight, you can come over, we can hang out,

but you gotta go home, because I never seen anything like this, every time you're here, the phone rings for all hours of the night, people yelling cocksucker on the phone, she couldn't handle it at first, I remember the first time Felipe came over to visit me, with Chevago and the guy, and Ivan, the guy that works for Gabriel, his personal top top assistant, I'll never forget that,

them coming over, we were gonna smoke pot in the backyard, and they'll look on her face, she was like, you know these guys, I'm like, that's my fucking brother, Felipe Esparza, what did Felipe look like back then? Jesus Christ, like hell romped over, like a fucking one of the guys that were chasing Mad Max, you know?

I don't fucking know, he was just different, and he was wild, and he had a wild look on his eye, we were both doing drugs, and you know, it was a different fucking time, you know? That's crazy. She couldn't handle it, and then right before 9-11, I think I moved in, and we were cool, and nobody really knew we were dating,

and one night we went to Rouse to go food shopping, and we bumped into Eleanor. Eleanor Kerrigan? Yeah, she's like, what the fuck are you guys doing? And we're like, we thought you knew, and she's like, no, I didn't know this, and I was giving her a hard time, because my wife bought margarine there,

and I'm like, margarine, who eats margarine, put that down. We go with lightly salted fucking butter, what's savage is here? She's like, but margarine is cheap, I don't give a fuck, we don't eat margarine in this house. You think I got on a fucking plane to eat margarine when I'm in jail? Fucking margarine, yeah, my wife was a gentile,

and we had to switch her over on a couple of things. I think a lot of people eat margarine though. Fuck, you took all these rules. Unless you're a communist, you fucking margarine, who eats margarine? That fake fucking butter. Some people? Some people, like you, with the fucking frying pan.

I have the spray butter. Yeah, with that thing blows up in your fucking cabinet, cock-sucking. You know, just play it like that fucking with a, I don't even know what the fuck's fucking. The juicer? The juicer, yeah, what happened to the juicer? It's still there, maybe I should ebay that,

that'd be funny. You could ebay Lee's juicer, and we'll put like some THC juice in that motherfucker so they can really juice to death, fucking juicer. That's what he kept telling me to do, and like, there's no way you can juice weed. Yes, you can. You can come over and be like,

when are you gonna put some weed in that? I can't put weed in that thing. Tom, you don't know what you were missing. I think if they put weed in that juicer, it'd be a lot better for people. That kills shit. There's no liquid in it though, it's like all dry and shit.

You don't need, just the leaves, the same shit. Give it a shot, let's make a little pineapple juice with some THC crystals in that motherfucker. See if you don't see the devil. I'm sure I'd see the devil. I'm great at it, what are you? I'm happy for the Fourth of July, gonna be some fireworks.

I get scared. You do, you don't like fireworks? I don't know, I don't know if it's a gun or a fucking machine gun. We're getting attacked by ISIS, now we're getting attacked by ISIS this weekend. That's what we need now in this country. New York's on high alert, everybody's on high fucking alert.

And they're gonna attack, it just makes sense. It just makes sense. Do you think this weekend they're gonna do it? Oh, if you believe the news, it's every fucking weekend. Yeah, I saw that tweet that that guy supposedly put up for Phoenix or whatever. What do you say? I don't know, he's like,

what do you think your guns are gonna do against our IED or something? And I'm like, maybe, but is someone, I mean, are they really that stupid? Or they wanna, I felt like it was a troll. Terrorism is to disrupt the way we live. Even if they don't attack, just to inflict fear, just for Americans to have that fear, you know?

What about those people up in New York who had to be in their houses for three weeks while they looked for those guys who escaped? That's fucked up. That's a whole shit situation. Three weeks on the fucking loose, my wife was saying something, and I go, that's an embarrassment for the fucking cops.

Yeah, that's why they shot both of them. Two fucking momos were running around for three fucking weeks. You got helicopters, technology, see-through glasses, and these two fucking third graders were in a hut somewhere eating fucking candy bars, and you're out there with dogs and technology. They should be shot and hung, and the whole jail was corrupt.

I don't have all the facts. They said they suspended like 12 workers. Yeah, everybody was in on it. Well, I mean, when you were in jail, was there ever a guard you could pay to do something for you or anything like that? I never got to that part. You weren't there for that long?

I was in medium security at the diagnostic. I never, listen, man, what is the fucking point of escaping unless you got a life sentence? Yeah, one guy was almost done. He was over halfway done. The other guy had a life sentence. They're fucking morons. It was in today's society, they're going to catch you.

There's too many things against you. It's very, you have to be very smart and very well financed to get to get out of here and go through Mexico, pay people off, go to a fucking hut, live. You got to have 200,000 in your surplus because you don't know when they're around the corner. You don't have to worry about,

let me go get my ATM, you don't fucking know. Your ATM machine gets stopped. All that shit gets caught now. You can't open up a bank account unless you got paperwork up to fucking ying ying. So, unless they give it to you and somebody gives you like a pin number or something, you have to have, when they caught Whitey Bulger,

what do you have on him? He had a ton of money in his room or whatever. He'll be a successful escapee. You got to be financed out the asshole. You got to have no people who are juiced because you can't stay here. You cannot stay here with all the fucking rats and rewards and you cannot stay here.

You could fuck with them. You could throw them off for a while but they're going to get you five, six, seven years in, a traffic stop, something, yeah, an ID, something. Once they fingerprint you, it's lights fucking out. You get stitches, you go to a hospital, God forbid, something. So, you need to be well financed.

You need to get the fuck out of this country. Yeah, and Whitey Bulger wasn't even in jail. He just left for the paperwork. You know, you got to know the local cops and pay them off so if somebody inquires, they could call you and go, hey, they're on their way down here. Somebody reported you in America's most wanted.

And now you can fly to Mazatlan on a fucking boat. You got to have multiple passports, multiple fucking things. It's just too much. And you're two fucking white dudes with Confederate flags. Well, where are you going to go? It wasn't planned out. Yeah, one guy was going to go to Mexico. They had one gun that were going to kill the guards' husband.

It was just too fucking much, man. Yeah, I never thought one time about it. And when I was in Camp George West, I was there for fucking eight months, seven months. Let me tell you something, nobody ever thought about it. You could just jump a fucking fence. And it's right there, it's right there. It just doesn't make sense unless you have a life fucking

sentence, because you're not even going to die in these days. Not anymore, right? How long does it take for an appeal to fucking end 25, 29,000 years? Yeah. By that time, you're going to be dead anyway. So when do you escape? I mean, at what point do you escape?

Something has to make you escape. If I know I got 30 million fucking Europe waiting for me, I'm out of there. You said you drove some vans for the prison, right? To go get food or something? Right. Not one party ever was like, I could just drive off right now? All of them said it goofing around.

We could just drive off right now. Now what? Now you're driving down I-70 with an orange fucking jumpsuit. OK, you tell your girl from that dummy to pull over. How much money she fucking got? She's going to tell somebody too. So now you've got three people that fucking know. OK, now where you going to go?

You're in Colorado. So this van isn't. So you have to do it so you have the longest amount of time until they know. So let's say you leave at 8 and you don't have to come back till 12. That gives you a four hour start. That's a beautiful thing.

You drive the fucking invicts. You drive somewhere. You meet your fucking girlfriend. You get different ID and you go right to the local airport and fly the hell out of there. And hopefully they won't see you. That's one way. You fly into somebody else's name.

You have a fake ID, go right to Denver Airport or charter a fucking plane. Charter a plane under her name, put a disguise on. And shoot the fuck out of it. First of all, they know your girlfriend's name. She's come to visit you in jail, whatever the fuck. They have all this shit on paperwork. So they're going to go right to her job.

And what are they going to tell her? She hasn't been here for three days. Boom. Now you're a fucking fugitive. She told the sister. She told somebody. No chick leaves without telling somebody. OK.

And eventually that chick, whoever she told is going to crack. And what do you have? You get caught, man. And then it gets worse for you. Then you'll never get bail. Then you'll always be in a maximum security until the end of your sentence, you know? They said they were going to put this guy, who they just

caught, in solitary for a minimum of seven years. That's fucking. What the fuck? You know, listen. He gave it to the New York tribe. He got within two miles of Canada. But I would think Canada would extradite you. So I don't even think there's a big deal.

Now you've got to go somewhere and get a job. And what's the first thing to do when you fucking get a job? You're going to get to check and do drugs. You're going to go to a fucking bar. And that's when the problem starts all over again. Every time you go to that bar, every time you buy a bag of weed, your fucking chances improve are getting fucking nailed.

You know, it's funny. I was thinking about prison. I was thinking about, I'm trying to write, man. Sometimes when I write something, I discover other things that I forget about my life. And I was thinking about this dude, and Timmy Holloway, listen to this, and I don't know if he remembers this guy. When I was a kid, right after my mother died, I was very

weak, and I didn't know. And I was angry at the world. And at that time, people had given me money at the funeral. And I had put some money away, and I had a little gig. Carmine got me a little gig. And this kid came into my life that I had always known. His name was Mike Denny. They called him the devil.

And they didn't call him the devil because he was a nice kid. They called him the devil because he was the fucking devil. He was a state championship wrestler. He went to like a big time college, but then he quit because his father owned a ship. When a ship comes off the ocean, when they dock, and they

take everything out, they're fucked up the ships. Him and his father and his brothers are going on that ship, paint everything, take the rust off, fix this, fix that, weld that, weld that back, do this, pick up the ship, they do everything. The ship had 20 days. You had to do 40 days worth of work in 20 days. So Mike Denny worked 16 hours a day.

He was one of the hardest working kids, but he also stole everything that was and glued down. And I was his assistant. So what I would do is, this is how I broke into feet. I was always a fucking piece of shit thief. But how I got creepier was hanging out with Mike Denny because Mike Denny had no conscience. Mike Denny would steal anything.

I would call Mike Denny and I'd go, what's up, nothing. Where are you, home? I'm picking you up at the benders. He picked me up and we'd go to Newark and we'd steal full fucking things that he had put out, that he had stole from the ship and he was going to sell it to somebody else, a different contractor. He stole something every day, guys.

Every day we stole something. And a lot of times I was hanging out with a villa, I'd be hanging out with my friends that were my age. But on some nights, he would call me up and go, dog, I got some great blow, you want to do some coke tonight? Fuck yeah, and I'd go over there. And that was my first taste of the mafia without being in the mafia.

He was an Italian, but he, it's the ship business. All he hung out with was Italian people. And he was robbing these people. Just from the ships he was working on? He was robbing, I mean, dog, when I was with him we robbed ships, we robbed drug dealers, we robbed people on the street, I saw him beat the fuck out of a uniform cop on time in the Bronx.

He was tough and he was crazy. You know what he's in jail for? Killing his wife in North Carolina. Motherfucker. I mean, this guy was nuts. I must have hung out with him. You don't want to get caught like that. No, and I knew the law.

At that time I had a combination death wish. Well, yeah, man. Can you believe your, like you say it sometimes, but I didn't know some of that stuff. Like, you've said that like 9,000 times. Oh my God, I hung out with Mike Denny like on Wednesdays and Tuesdays, and we'd always do drugs. We'd always go into the city.

There was always everything we did, and he was robbing me. I mean, let's say we robbed four things and we got 1,000 bucks, he'd give me $2 an hour. And tell me all he got was $3.50, he was giving me $2 an hour because he liked me and I'm like, you motherfucker. And I knew it, but I didn't care because he was introducing me to people. I was learning.

I mean, he had no character. He had no coot. He had no class. There was nothing to this guy. If he didn't have something to steal, he would go rob one of his friends. Like, I remember him stealing sheet metal. Like, if we didn't steal something, he had some place

where he'd go, and he'd take three sheets of sheet metal off, get $300 a sheet in those days, and give me 200 bucks out of the $900. And we'd go into the city and we'd buy blow or something like that. I was 16, hanging out with this fucking 22-year-old that had an RX-7. We went to concerts.

He always had a fake ID for me. He always knew the doorman at bars. He would take me to bars where he knew the people. So I would be up at the fucking bar drinking with these guys. But he was evil. 16 and 22. Jesus Christ.

Oh my god. But I used to make money with him. I stopped hanging out with him because I think I stopped hanging out with him towards the, well, once I lived up town, April of 18, I hung out with him probably from summer of 79 to summer of 81. It was like a two-year apprenticeship I did under this fucking thief, this creature of a man.

I've been telling the story about a guy that made a chick suck 16 dicks after a football game in high school that we called the Marathon Woman. You know the guy that was pimping her out that was Jimmy Denny, his brother. The whole family was like the devil. He was a twin. He had a twin sister, Janie, who was fucking gorgeous.

She had big blue eyes and big titties even back then. Then he had a brother that looked like fucking a big Santa Claus with a beard. And then his father would always sit in the chair drunk and go, how you doing, Coco? Thanks for coming over and hanging out and stuff. The father was pretty cool. I don't remember the mom.

I remember the three fucking, the brother, the sister, and the creepy brother. He thought he was Jimmy Page, the one that got the chick marathon. Like she would blow 16 guys and he'd make out with her. Like he was a nasty, and he had no teeth, but he had false teeth. He would put them in and take them out and shit Jimmy

Denny, hysterical. You never said she was being pimped out. He wasn't pimping her out. Like let's say I'd see Jimmy Denny, right? I'd be walking home and I'd see Jimmy go, Coco, come over here. He would say hello to Arlene, and Arlene would say, hi, Coco, and he'd go, you like Arlene, Coco?

Arlene, why don't you suck my friend's dick? And she'd go, come on. Suck his dick one time. Just suck it on the side. I'll look out. Come on, I'll take care of you later. You know I love you. He would talk her into sucking.

That's that chick marathon. I don't know if Arlene was in him just making that up. But that's how he would do the checks. He was like two or three years older than I was, Jimmy Denny, because his brother Mike was older than Jimmy. And Jimmy looked older because he had no teeth. Sometimes he took his teeth out and he'd dick be like this and he'd put them back in.

And he had long, creepy hair and fucking long, freaky fingernails and he'd play. He thought he was Jimmy Page and shit. Did they live in like a trailer? No, no, no, they had a nice house. They lived on Murderer's Row. They lived on, they lived on the street. That might have been it.

They lived on the street where I hung out a lot and it was a good street to live on. It was next to Gunter Brown, where I did heroin the first time, across from Joe Rayo, who was a cop, a dear friend of mine, who had two brothers, who ended up, one of them ended up killing the fucking, the flower guy up the corner of my house. The gay guy hit him with a shovel or some shit.

He did time. Then the other brother was a cop and he got arrested for corruption. That's Joe Rayo. Then the guy next to him went to Flannery's or something. They had a cute sister. She was good friends with me, dear friends. Very nice, very polite.

And she had a brother that was very nice. And he joined the service and he came home on leave one night, went to Union City, when the 80s, when it was gunner, gunner, root time, and he went into a Cuban restaurant, started talking shit, and one of them Cubans fucking shot him, dog. He didn't die. He fucking lived, but he got shot in Union City.

And then up the corner from them was a Moran's, Cathy Moran, where he used to hang out in the house. She used to be a track runner. And when I used to be in shape for basketball, her and I would run at night. And then next to them was Garcia's. None of the Garcia was Martin the Fag. Martin the Fag was the coke dealer I robbed.

He was good friends with my mother. After my mother died, I robbed him when he put a Santa Maria spell on me that kind of sucker. Across from that was the Janssen's. That was Murderer's Row. That was a good street. The Longos lived up the corner. Nancy Longo, she's on Facebook all fucked up today,

talking about Jesus and fucked and whatever the fuck she's talking about. So that's why it's Murderer's Fucking Row. And I walked on that block a lot, because you got to walk on there to go to the Spick Store. Right around the corner from Gunther Brown, there was the Spick Store, Herman the Spick, who was friends with Martin the Fag.

No, they weren't friends. They were brother and brother. But Herman the Spick hated Martin the Fag, even though they were brothers. And he was married to some chick. The chick ended up cheating on him. This is years after I left Jersey. With Martin?

No, Martin was a Fag. But the Herman's wife cheated on him. She was a good looking Cuban woman. Herman hit her, and they put him in jail. He kind of killed himself in the jail cell. Very tragic street. That's why I call it Murderer's Row. Right across the street from J. Harrenson, where I saw the

black guys had to get caught by the fuck and by the thing that, when you pick shit up and you move it, what does that call? The hand cart? Hand cart. I saw his head get caught in the hand cart. That's a tremendous street. I played football on that street.

Jimmy and Johnny Rayell, those are the names. They were twins. Joe Rayell was the brother I hung out with. That ended up being a cop. Very dear friend of mine, I love him with all my heart. But he had two brothers, man, that were twins. One of them robbed my house right before my mother died. He robbed eight ounces of pot out of my basement.

I loved those motherfucking twins. They're the first person who's ever talked, turned me on to Dark Rye. I went to their house and their father gave me a Dark Rye sandwich with like ham and cheese. My fucking taste buds almost blew up. Remember I told you I had a piece of Dark Rye about three weeks ago and my head almost blew up?

I hadn't had that shit in fucking 30 years. But that was Murderer's Row. And the Denny's lived next to the fucking Gunter, where I did heroin the first time. So they were kind of close. And it's weird now looking back that they were both like devilish motherfuckers and they hung out with each other. And I got, you know, today I have no, Mike Denny taught me

a lot, you know why he taught me, he taught me about Conman, because he was a fucking Conman. And you know what I learned from looking at Mike Denny? He just walked away. Like you don't even get into talking with them, because once you get into conversation with Conman, he's got you. He's got you. Like he's got you.

Like he was walking down a fucking street, they got this new thing now, and somebody comes up and he says, here's a gift for you, a box. And then they give you a piece of paper and it's like $149 and you have to give him the box back. But he already got possession of the fucking box. Those are Conman. Those Africans you see in New York Southern watches,

whatever, they're Conman. You never stop. You never even look at those. They're the devil. And I'm not saying these, I'm just saying, and that's what Mike Denny's lesson was. Like I don't talk to nobody. Ever since then, I don't talk to nobody.

I don't know nothing. Hey man, come here. I got a deal for you. 10 ounces of blow. I don't know nothing. Yeah, but you and Lee were just over there buying coke. Me? I don't know nothing.

And the more you talk, like if you say anything else, except I don't know nothing, you lost. Like yeah, you and Lee were over there buying coke. Once you go, no, no, no, me and Lee were not. You lost. Don't say a word. I don't know nothing. And keep walking, as you're saying, I don't know nothing.

And they think you're crazy. I don't know nothing. I don't know nothing. What did that dude say to me last week? Can I talk to you for a second? The one I gave the shirt to and the five bucks by the Bank of America, don't listen to a word or tip a board or some shit.

I don't know nothing. I don't fucking know nothing. I don't know. I like these people that tweet me and say, who are you bringing to the next time? I don't know nothing. And they sit and they're like, I don't know nothing. Hey listen, get this guy on the podcast.

Sure, whatever. Absolutely, I'm on it. I'll call him right now. I don't know nothing. I don't know nothing. You understand me? That's the fucking keyword, Lisa. That's the name of your next special.

That's the name of my next special. I don't fucking know nothing. Code, infalliptical. Yeah, Mike Denny would set up a fucking like, like Mike Denny would set up like Mike, Mike Denny would call him and say, hey man, like Lee. Lee got any blow tonight? Hell yeah.

Like he'd go, your friends would leave. Like he knew I was friends with Lee. He'd call me up, he'd go, hey man, your friend Lee. He got any blow tonight? Yeah, yeah, you think he's got an eight ball? Yeah, yeah, he was like, you're an eight ball. Well, then he'd say to me, well, you think he's got in the house? That was the question.

That's how I knew he was going to start tricking. And then he would call you in front of me and start with, hey man, listen, I got a deal tonight. Let me buy an eight ball from you. Let me get it for 200. And then now I come back, give me the second one for 350. And he just confused you. He was brilliant.

And I'd sit there and go, that's my friend, your Robin. No, no, no, no, he'd get pissed off at me. Joey, it's business, no, it's not business. You're going to rob him and then you're going to set up a problem with me and then I love this guy. So it got into too many of those with him. I learned what it was to be a con man. He was brilliant.

It was in his blood. I don't know how to find, he went up to strangers. He did the creepiest fucking things, Lee. I don't know how the fuck he got away with it. And he was one of those guys, man, that I ain't going to lie to nobody. At that age, I knew I was going to end up in jail. And the question was, what?

I always knew he was going to end up in jail. Like, I forgot all about him, like Lucy Snowbush. Like, it was one of those things in my life. I just remember Mike Denny three weeks ago. I was writing about that time period. And I thought of a particular story one night and I was like, I was with Mike Denny. Oh my God, one of the worst things I ever saw with Mike

Denny that made me really stop hanging with Mike Denny was I saw a car accident. We were the fifth people when we got there. We got there as the ambulance got there. And I could hear the girls screaming. And they had to get the jaws of life to cut them out. He was dead. The guy was dead and we were on acid.

Me and Mike Denny. That's why I don't drink and drive today. That's the reason. That's the good reason. New Year's 1980 to 81. We went to a concert. I don't remember what concert we went to. I wish I fucking remember it.

And we were going to a concert the next day. And then we were just taking a ride. And we went out. I don't think we were drinking. I think we smoked a joint. We were listening to, like, Aaron Smith in the car. And we saw it at the light. Like, we were at a light and we saw the whole thing.

And then we saw people running over there. And then as we pulled up real slow, they couldn't get out. Something was on fire. It was horribly. And I remember the cop, when the cops were cutting the thing out, one of the cops came back or something and said, there were vodka bottles in there.

They were drinking. And I remember how that always stuck with me. Like, her yells and the vodka bottles. And I remember getting the car going home and going, one thing I know for sure is I'm never fucking drinking on the drive. Like, I'm never fucking drinking on the drive. I got done, done, done at that age right there,

which was, you know, 34 something years ago. So it was very interesting. I'm telling you, I learned a lot with Mike, with Mike Denny. It was, I wish him luck. Did you guys ever talk? Me and Mike ended in a good way, but I'd see him out and he'd try to work me and I'd tell him, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd call him and I'd never call him.

And then he just drifted away and I drifted away. We went to a fucking good concert. We went to see the, him and I, I was young and he took me to see the New Barbarians, which was the Stones without Mick Jagger. It was Keith Richards and Ron Wood and Stanley Clark. And he took me to that concert. He took me to a lot of neat things, man.

I had a lot of great times with him, but everything was always a fucking crime. Everything, we didn't do anything under legit, you know? And at that time, yeah, I was working on a lumber yard and he was helping me sell the wood, right? The wood was $40 a piece of four by eight and I would sell it for 20. He'd want 15 of the fucking 20 and I go dense.

I'm the one that's fucking stealing. Yeah, yeah, but I'm the one that's selling it. So I couldn't do business with him. He was the mafia. He was always the mafia. He was like the Russians. Fucking Russians. So what are you gonna do for the 4th of July, fucko?

I bought a grill and Paula's mom was gonna cook and Connie saw it again, I think. Where? I don't know. We were thinking maybe even North Hollywood Park or a park up by them. Are you really a fucking half a wreaker? That's what we did last year.

You went out to a park, just you were in the cousin? Yeah, and her mom cooked. Right out in the open, like savages. And then when we got there late, it was like this. Not even your backyard. Somebody else's park next to Squirrel's shit. Yeah, and like we didn't, like people got there like to get like the good spots and shit

and but there was a lot of people there. Her mom likes to cook. That's it, that's all you got from what she cook. Connie saw it. With what? What do you mean with what? It's kind of stuff. She makes some fucking.

Yeah, she makes corn too. You have some beans, did you get the fucking wrap so you could put it all in there in the fucking, what do they call that, the blanket? It's amazing how you go out to these restaurants now and everybody got what do they call them? Wraps. That ain't a wrap.

That's a Mexican that you fucking robbed. How can you call that a wrap? That's a burrito. Well, yeah, well, a lot of cultures have it. Like there's like. What culture? What culture? Who calls it a wrap?

Since when? Since when? I grew up in this fucking country. There's Swarma and like Gyros. That's that. Those are the fucking Arabs. Okay, but when did the wrap come along? Yeah, and pre-wreak, not pre-wreak.

The wrap culture. What fucking culture, the Gentile culture? You don't, why don't you like wraps? I didn't say I didn't like wraps. I just want to know why would I eat a wrap and I gotta eat a fucking burrito? That's true. I don't get it.

Why would I eat a fucking wrap when I gotta eat a fucking burrito? Sometimes you want turkey. No, I don't want turkey. Just funny, I was just thinking to Michael Denny, like I don't blame anybody about my childhood. I knew what I was getting myself involved in with that fucking animal, you know?

I got a lot of emails about last week, about the story I was telling somebody last week about Rob and Drug Dealers, you know? And some guy was kind of pissed at me. Who do we have on? Not Brian Scalaro last week that we were talking about. Ada? No, after Ada, we were talking about

Ashton, Colorado and, well. Oh, was it now the live guys, the tweeter? Yes, Peter and David. That's it, because it was the last podcast we did last week. And I forgot a few emails from people asking me, you know, some people were like, hey man, we liked when you spoke about it.

Other people said they were disturbed. Because my voice had changed. There's nothing my voice has changed. When I think about that, it's a dark fucking time in your life. So when you tap into that energy, you get upset with yourself. You can't believe you were doing craziness

like that fucking, breaking into a drug dealer's house, just taking a little bit of his coke and he confused him to death. That guy hated me, Lee. How could he not? Oh my God, that guy fucking hated me. And then he'd come up to you and he'd be like, no, Doug, I don't know what you're talking about.

And he never really approached me. He mentioned it, towards the end, when I got busted for the liquor store, for the jewelry store, when they chased me to the house and they saw that the boots, but they had no proof. And the word got out and that's when I could see people like I could see him.

But by the time they figured it out, I was on a plane to Jersey. And that was the end of that. Then I came back two years later and nothing went missing. So now they couldn't really put a finger on it. I blamed it on somebody else. That kid died, the story ended.

A couple of people came up to me back in 87 when I went up there and said, hey man, we heard a story that you might have been one of the guys that was burglarized in snow mass. And I was like, no. They go, it's funny, because when you left, they stopped.

There was a couple of burglaries, but they stopped because there was another kid that was robbing, kind of saw the drug dealers, that I knew who he was. And people started realizing that he was robbing drug dealers. So it was still up in the air whether he had robbed them or I had robbed them. But when I came back in 87 for two years,

nothing went missing. So all the suspicions died until I bumped into a guy at the airport in Denver. And he came over to me years later and he's like, hey man, can I talk to you about something? And we started chit-chatting and he told me that he goes, was it you? He goes, somebody said they saw you one night,

late night, and I go, bro, it was me. And I told them who I robbed. And about three months later, I get hit on Facebook by the girl. And I call the robber and she goes, did you really fucking rob me? And I go, yeah, but it wasn't me. I had no compass, I had no compass.

I just didn't have the balls to tell the truth. And I wanted to call the podcast and I would apologize, but she can never call. She's a yoga teacher now, when asked. They must have busy schedules. I don't know, it was fucking crazy at least. It was crazy. It's just life of fucking redemption

because I never really wanted to beat that, you know, at all, at all. That was an, I even hate talking about it on the podcast, but I know a lot of people that listen to the podcast have been stuck with fucking proms and they've gotten arrested for various things. I was just a fucking clip, but I love clipping the drug dealers, Lee.

That was my whole time fucking favorite. I love those motherfuckers. What was the most you ever got? The best was, I think, I had a lot, you gotta remember in some situations, it was a revenge type deal. It was like a revenge type deal. Okay.

And some of them, it was people I didn't know. Like the biggest ones was the people I didn't know. Like that somebody else knew when I went into indirectly. The one I did with Rago before I went back to Colorado. That was a gimme, you know, to get $30,000 like that. That's a fucking gimme. You're just in cash? Yeah, after I sold the shit.

Oh. You know. How do you find people to sell that stuff too? You just, you sell it wholesale to them and you move it. But then I don't know what that means. Okay, you don't know what that means. Okay, so. So you're just like walking on the street?

No, no, let's pretend. I'm in the drug business, okay? I do coke. So I have a couple guys I work with, right? I do coke with. Let's say, let's say I live in Studio City. Okay. Okay, but I fuck with some guy down in Redondo Beach.

Okay, I know I'm some bar, okay? Now I got you guys up here as my drug dealers. I got you, I got the Armenian, I got the black guy in Hollywood, I got the white guy in Hollywood, okay? After a while I get to know you guys. And you'll open up to me and say, you know what? I usually get four ounces at a time.

I usually buy two pounds every two weeks. So right now I got a customer, okay? I know that you're a fucking customer at all. So everybody's looking for a good deal of it. Right. Everybody's always looking for a good deal. So I got two options. I got to either go to you before I rob the dude

and tell you what I'm gonna do, but I'm not gonna do that because then your ears are gonna be open. Okay, your ears are gonna be open to listen to see who the fuck is gonna get robbed. But if I show up, if I go down to Redondo Beach and I bust into this drug dealer's house, let's say I find out he's at a bar with some chick

and he's buying drinks for everybody and he's in no way coming home. And his grandmother, he lives with Winter Bingo. And I know he's got two kilos of Coke. Let's say he's got a pound of Coke that's uncut and three or four ounces that are cut. And I take that, I can make 20,000 bucks. Okay, so let's say the pound goes for 16 ounces.

In today's market, it probably goes for maybe seven grand, right? For a pound of blow, maybe. I don't know, I don't know, I'm just using an example. I'll come to Lee and go Lee, taste this. Jesus, this is good. What is this, it's a pound. Look at it, what do you wanna do?

What do you usually pay for a pound of Lee, 800? What if I could do this for 550 cash right now? That's wholesale, okay? Now you'll come to me in June, go Joey, why are you losing $250? Cause I move it, it's moved. It just became cash. The longer I have it around,

the more I'm gonna snort and we're gonna lose money. Let's take the fucking money we got. Those other four ounces, we'll do them. I get like the wholesale part of it, I'm just saying like you get something from something you stole. How do you find guys to give that to you? I understand the drug part of it.

I'm just telling you, I just told you. No, I understand. There's always, you're always gonna buy something. Let's say I bump into a $30,000 American Express card tonight and my buddy owns a computer store. Before I go to the computer store, I'm gonna come to you. I'm gonna go Lee, what do you need? What do you mean what I need, what do you need?

I could go for it, oh my God, can I get the new Apple? Yeah, yeah, yeah, add it all up. And $6,000, what if, what if I came back in an hour and I gave you everything there for $2,500 cash? Could we make that work? In a box, what fucking moron wouldn't take that deal? What Apple guy that you know, these fucking idiots that stand on the line for 12 hours to get the iPhone?

What if I came back with a camera, the computer, the thing that you could stick your dick in there and sparklers come out? What if, what if, how much is it, Lee? $6,600, what if I gave it to you for $2,500 cash in one hour? You're gonna have my cash when I come back? Fuck yeah, because you go to your wife and borrow. It's not coming to box, but I know you, Lee.

We're fam, you know what I'm saying? It's not like I just knock on your door and go, excuse me, sir, I see you use fucking Samsung products. How much did you give me for a Samsung? No, you go to your family, you know the people you know. And you go, hey man, and if the cops knock on your door in a month from now, Lee, you tell them. I was in my office and some fucking black dude

with a cooler knocked on my door instead of if I wanted to buy new computers. What do I know? We're gonna do charge you with fucking possession of stolen goods, they're not gonna take your shit. They never do. That's hope, Sam, Lee. That's people who already know where to dump it.

You know, let's say I get a call, okay? Let's say Dick Syed, your father. Yeah. You know your father well. Correctly, you know him with all your heart. Yes, you are. Okay, did he have a restaurant? No. Okay, I thought you said he had a restaurant.

He worked at a restaurant, yes. Okay, let's pretend. Yes. Let's pretend you have the number one fucking seafood restaurant in fucking Boston. Okay. Shrimp, you know, number one seafood. And I know for a fact that the distributor in Maine

is shipping out a ship, a cargo, a truck. Yeah. And he's gonna ship on their muscles and shrimp. That's a good truck. No, let's pretend. Let's pretend for the sake of argument that a pound of that shrimp is $12.95 wholesale. That's what your father pays for it.

Okay. And he pays, and he gets 50 pounds a day. Your father has a tremendous fucking buyer. Your father has a tremendous fucking fish business, okay? Yeah. Now, he pays $12.50 for the fucking pound of the 15th to 18th shrimp for cocktails and spaghetti and linguine and all that shit,

spaghetti for a diablo, whatever the fuck they use it for. I show up to you, the Christian, the Jew, Lisa, and I go, hey, Mrs. Ack, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, what's up, Joey? Listen, what are you paying? You get 50 pounds of shrimp a day at $12.50. My man, Leo, told me, yeah, what's that got to do with you?

What's that got to do with me? I got 300 pounds of 15th to 18th shrimp for $5 a pound. That's what it's got to do with me. And I got additional 30 pounds of fucking muscles in the back, they just caught them. I still got a fucking, a black dude's finger on one of their fucking clams. They go for $10 a pound.

I'm gonna give them two for five. I need cash tonight. I don't have that type of, yes, you do. Give me the fucking checkbook, let's go. They'll get the money, it's wholesale. He's gonna sell that for tour. He's gonna make a shitload on that fucking shrimp boat. Do you follow me?

So before you steal it, or before whatever, you already have an outlet. I'm gonna get caught. Amateur people rob a van, and now we gotta move in the morning. Oh, we gotta move something in the morning. That's not gonna work. I come to you, listen, we're gonna steal it at one.

I'll be here by two. You gotta have the cash. I don't have it, boom, let's do it. That's the wholesale. I just call it wholesale. In reality, it's giving you a good price. Even though I know I'm taking a beating. This is a $2,000 gold chain.

I'm gonna give it to you for $7.50. I'm taking a fucking beating. It's not really a beating, I'm moving it. Didn't cost me anything. Right, I get it. Okay, then what the fuck don't you get? Where do you meet the people? The people are right in front of you.

The people are right in front of you. This is a hard place. This is a hard society in California for me. Right now in California, if I went to 20 doors and said I got TVs, the biggest flat screen, beautiful HQ, 4K TV, so it'll cost you 800. I got them for 200 in the truck. People would slam the door in my face

because they're not raised in that culture. You have to be raised in that culture to understand that culture. Some people think they're getting robbed. They've heard about the fucking dudes that sit at the side of the road and put rocks in fucking stereo boxes and sell them to some jerk off

who buys fucking stuff from a guy on the road and then they realize why he got ripped off. So they consume like that. But guys like myself, guys like when you're from in Boston, you buy whatever I have. There's some weeks I got shoes. You're the type of guy that you're like, listen bro, anytime you have anything, bring it by.

Let's see what you got. Thought I got winter jackets, I got two kids. Where do I give a fuck where you got them from? You got winter jackets for kids? Yeah, let me see two of them. Well, she wants paint, we'll spray paint it, you know? That's, it's a different society. It's a different understanding.

You know, it's a different culture. That's what we were talking about before. I had an argument with a nice kid one time. We were talking about people who pay off primes on the East Coast. And this guy, and he was a nice guy and I didn't really want to fight him or nothing. But I could see how he was, he's an American.

He understood, but he was too American. He was from Indiana or something like that. And there was a bunch of us. And there was a couple, in fact, Josh Wolfe was there that night. This is 15, 20 years ago. And we were talking about primes, how borrowers in Boston. You got, Lee got a bar.

There's 18 bars in the block. I come in here every day in the morning. I got a shot of the Jaeger, doers, and a beer bag. And we talk, you know what, I tip you, but you don't charge me for that drink. I go to offer, but you go, no, no, no, no, no. You're the guy that works my, yeah, okay. You come in here, you get a sandwich for lunch.

That's bribe today. You can't do that. So if I come in here, and Lee says to me, Joey, do me a favor. I come walking by, and you come over to me, though, Joey, can I talk to you for a second? I came over before with my fucking tomatoes. I left them in the front.

I parked the car. I went in when I came out of the $9,000 ticket. I'll take care of it. It works both ways. It's not a bribe. He's not doing nothing wrong. He's gonna go to the ticket guy and go, listen, it's Nicky. It's Louis, it's fucking Lee.

You gave Lee a ticket, I didn't know. Boom, so now when I come in, instead of you saying congrats, no, there's nothing to say. You give me the house special on the house. I come in every day for a shot, and I come in at lunch. You don't charge me. I don't abuse it, though. I don't come in and get the lobster tail.

I get a tuna sandwich, you know. What that means is we're there to rub each other's back. That's something that's been forgotten about in this country. Now let's say you have 15 bars in the place. Your bar gets a little rowdy from time to time, Lee, right? Somebody all talks up, somebody sells coke in the bathroom, somebody gets beat up in the bar, there's UFC fights. Those crazy kids.

You want the cops to come, and you don't want to come with their guns drawn. So you take that cop and you give him a little 200 a fucking week. This isn't today's society, because these young kids don't understand that concept. Unless greed takes over their fucking head. But they don't understand that concept

that we're all taking care of one another. You're making, listen, Lee, you're making fucking 20,000 a week dealing cards out of here out of this office. I'm the cop on shift here. Okay. Some bitch comes up here, gets drunk, some guy's got a smack on the face.

I'm gonna show up here. You don't want no problems, right? No. So you're gonna give me 500. You're making 20,000 a fucking week. What's 500 for a local guy to keep him shut? I'm also the first guy on the scene. It's like a solid investment.

Something happens, who's better than you? I'm the first motherfucker of him. You better be. You know, it's very interesting. It's really interesting and it's hard to explain. In the world I grew up, I understand that I get it. Do I agree with it? No, disrespecting the badge to a degree.

Disrespecting the badge is what these motherfuckers are doing today in sorts. When I saw that thing in LA with the six cops shot the homeless guy and he took the gun from, that guy didn't take no fucking gun from nobody. He had to find, he had to light up in his fucking hand. So that's disrespectful of the badge. You know, some of the shit I've seen growing up,

listen man, it's not that I agree with it or don't agree with it. It was just done and I had nothing to say about it but I understood it. Yeah, I mean, I could see where they would do it. You know, to make more money? It's not even to make more money, man. It's just cops make dick.

Cops make dick, man. Cops do a lot of fucking work for dick. I could see why their attitudes get bad. I could see a lot of shit. I think it's hard to promote if you're white, a black guy gets promoted before you, a Chinese guy gets promoted before you. This is the way it is.

I'm telling you, man, a lot of shit happens. There's a lot of interracist shit in police departments and they'll find out later on throughout the years. They always find out in these places that there was two or three fucking racists and there was a couple cops that, when you're black, what are you gonna do? You're in a white town

and there's a couple fucking white cops that are making fun of you and you're a black cop. What are you gonna do? You're gonna go for them too. You gotta have a sense of humor. You know, you gotta have a fucking sense of humor. Right or wrong? Yeah, you do.

All right then. How fucked up are you through it? You're not talking. I have no idea what the last story was about. I know, we're talking. You were the one that got me started. You're the fuck that got, well, wow, explain it to me, wholesale.

Let me tell you how to fuck wholesale. You're not gonna steal nothing unless you already got it solely. That's the fucking deal, okay? That's what we were still on. I don't even know why we did this fucking podcast. How are you today? I'm so glad.

I had to talk the whole fucking night. I'm over here, winded to death. I got in to dick today, you understand me? I did a thousand things. I went to Jiu-Jitsu, got beat up bad. But something interesting happened in Jiu-Jitsu today. What happened? Higgan's got a guy staying with him.

That's like his energy fucking guy. That whenever you're hurt, he cleans you up. And the last couple of times I've been to Higgan's, he's been there, but he's always been busy. I left in a rush, today I got there early and who do I see? Bam, I see the fucking Indian. He's a Cherokee Indian dog.

Oh shit, was he cool? Oh my God, he lays you on the fucking floor and he starts doing these things for you and twisting your muscles and moving energy and lifting your neck and making you breathe and stop. He crawls over to my knee and he pushed it over and he adjusts the thigh. I love all that type of shit.

I didn't know anyone did that. Boy, it's a different type of Indian work. Like he did this thing, a Cherokee Indian thing. It's a different type of stretch. Listen man, every culture again has their own different beliefs and I'm the type of guy, I'm open. Anything that can heal me, anything that can adjust me

without having to put a needle in me or fucking surgery me or something like that, I'm cool with. I'll try anything one-timely. When it comes to health, holistic health, I'll try it one fucking time, you have to. Anything is better than what they're prescribing to you in this type of medicine. Everything is a surgery or a pill

and everything has a consequence. When I go to get cup tomorrow, 11 o'clock, there's no consequence for me. You know, when I do acupuncture, I know I'm strengthening my fucking chi, which is just another word for energy. So what this guy today did was just transferring energy, man, same thing Joe does.

Same thing Dr. Joe does. When you go see Joe, what this guy did was what Joe was telling me. This guy didn't even have to do an x-ray. He just saw how I was standing. He turned me around, he touched both sides of my back, and he goes, you got something over here that's affecting your fucking hip

and it's twisting your leg. I go, holy shit, he just saw that, me walking in. Is that true? Yeah, that's it. That's why sometimes when I'm driving, I gotta catch my leg. My leg, my foot goes all the way to the right and I'm putting a strain on that knee there.

That's how I fucked that knee up in a way. I guarantee it, because my leg always goes in. It's like the anti-pigeon toe. I had that friend in high school that she had one foot on the 10 and the other foot on the two and he used to call it 10 to two. My foot's always on like the two fucking 30 mark.

You're friends are so mean. No, it's true. They used to call it 10 to two. 10 to two, she was just. How long you been thinking about that at that young age? 10 to fucking two. Oh my goodness. I didn't give her the name.

I wish I would have been a comic genius at that age. And when she would walk down the hall, they'd go 10 to two and she'd go, fuck you. Ha ha ha ha. She'd call it right now and she'd be like, ha. Her friends are on, fuck you, you know what? Her friends are on Facebook, that whole side of my North Bergen friends.

Let me tell you something. They never really wanted to do with me. I dated one of those girls before my mother died and we broke up and that whole little crew of girls, they're very decent. There's a crew of girls that were my age and I graduated with and they're on Facebook and they don't, I think they followed me

and read a couple of my fucking things and just unfollowed me instantly. Roseanne DiAgostino, I grew up with her and her brother. She just unfollowed me because she's a Christian man. What did he put up today? Mrs. Obama's a good man or something. Oh I saw Mrs. Obama on TV, she got a little chubby. She was looking good with that little Chinese wig on

and shit. Chinese wig, oh fuck, you don't think that's Chinese hair? You think that's really African hair? Get the fuck out of here. I don't know. I know Chinese hair when I see it. I even know Chinese food when they bow and shit. I know what that head drips down like, the fuck.

Yeah they don't like me at all. They don't fucking like me at all. What are you gonna do? I'll tell you man, I had a really good time in Boston. I was really surprised by the attendance in Boston and I don't think I really had great sets. You know I've been writing this week a lot. That's why I wrote that today.

I was thinking of something else and also I saw a picture of it. My mind was kinda fucking sharp today in a way because the last three days that's all. I've been trying to get this thing ready for this is not happening tomorrow night. So I think it's me, Janine Paluso, Dean Rel Davis. I don't even know what story I'm gonna say.

I got like eight of them lined up and I just don't know. Because the stories that I got, I'm posting so I can only do like 12 minutes. I think it said it's sold out. Is it already sold out? I think it might be. By now it probably is. I'm gonna have a good time.

I don't know what story I'm gonna fucking tell yet. I don't wanna be fun. I wasn't gonna tell like, you know I wanna tell Mike Denney's stories but I'm embarrassed. Why? Because their scumbag fucking, like the lowest thing I did by myself

was rob that chainsting for blind kids in Macarvell. But they only get like 10% of the way. So I didn't feel too fucking bad. You know those little things you see? Those are scams. They only get like 10% of that. So there's $20 and the kid gets $2. The rest goes to some guy.

He's driving the Mercedes. And meanwhile you think you're doing something good for yourself. That's fucked up. That's fucked up. Which by all those fucking donation things that. I don't like them. What Lee, what cocksucker?

No, I just. Cheeba Chew came through today. I wanna thank Cheeba Chew. Cheeba Chew, listen man. People put down this marijuana business and I get it. And I come around and I got the morning joint and all this shit. But let me tell you something.

I've been smoking pot for a long time. Before this shit came along, I've been smoking pot. And I was always this free. I mean the back of my mind, if you're gonna throw me in jail for pot, what am I gonna do? I'm not gonna stop smoking. I didn't stop smoking when I was on probation.

I mean I love it. It's my true fucking essence to reefer. For some people it's alcohol. For some people it's playing with fucking lizards. For me I love it. But I don't have the whole thing. I don't have the posters. I don't have the pot leaves.

I'm just one of those guys that likes to smoke it. That doesn't mean that I'm gonna fucking, you know. And sometimes I just hear great stories. John Evans told me a story. He was following along with his cancer. He weighed 200 pounds. He's down 127 pounds. Somebody said give him a fucking brownie.

He ate a brownie. John Evans said he had a smile from either ear and he ate a whole steak. You know, when I hear that type of stuff, you know George's mother, my best friend George Kalidinsky has called into the podcast 20,000 times. His mother has cancer right now.

She just got diagnosed with a head spleen and some nose. It's level four in six months, you know. And he's been feeding the chibichus. And she fucking loves him. She went out to the pool. She swam, you know. And in that situation, I get it. These people never got high and they had to get in.

And you can see the enjoyment in her eyes. George says she's calling me three times a day. I gotta go out there. She's given her decas in fours. Yeah. And she's eating and she's moving around and she's not in pain. They were giving her morphine.

So that part of the THC process with the C. I took two CBDs this week. Did they work? I'm getting high. I'll tell you what, I felt great the next day. I get what people are saying. You mean you get high at all? Because I had a CBD thing once and I got kinda high.

No, no, no, no. The chibichu ones are the pink box. They're fucking great. The purple box, they're great, man. They taste great. I was very surprised. I didn't do edibles for two or three days and I had those fucking things and they were great.

Oh yeah, we got high Monday night. Who am I lying to? But yeah, it's really weird when you see that aspect of the Marijuana Field. And I've had Auntie Dolores on here talking about, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about when it comes to all that stuff, but I see that part of it.

When people tell them, John Evans don't get high. John Evans listens to gangster rap music, but he don't get high. He's a white dude with a nice haircut. I don't know how he does it, but whatever, the fuck. I'm just having a conversation with myself here, people. I'm sorry, this Jamoc is just looking at me,

dreaming of yum yum donuts or some shit. Thank God I went to Higgins today, I got stimulated. I come to do the podcast and you just shut down on me, fucking hell. Shut down? I've had about 300 milligrams. Who gives a fuck? You have 300 milligrams every two days.

You gotta come on here and give me something, you fuck. I know. You got me on here talking to myself like fucking Bill Burr on a Monday. You know what I'm saying? I've just been listening. It's been interesting. No, it's not fucking interesting.

But I was thinking. What were you thinking? I've never been super confident. I'm getting better at it, but every once in a while you meet somebody who's just like, they walk in and just take over the room and they're super confident with everything. And it's like, you seem like you're confident,

but then you've talked about not being super confident. So it's like, how do you make yourself act more confident? It's not making yourself act more confident. It's that I know I don't have a choice. If it's up to me, I'd rather sit at the house and crawl up in a fucking ball. But I have no choice, so I gotta walk in there in my mind extra and fire it up.

Because if I don't get myself fucking fired up, I'm not gonna do this. Right. That comes off as confidence, but it's really not confidence. That's like an air of anger because I'm pissed off. That I have to face this fucking issue. Whatever the issue is.

I didn't have plans, Lee, when I was 20. I wasn't like you and most people in America. When I was 20, in my mind, I was doomed to fail. I wanted to be a thief. I knew I was gonna end up in prison. I didn't have all the natural mechanisms that most people had. I was shot at TSD, whatever, PTSD.

My mother had died, my best friend had died. My father had taken the house. I had to live with strangers. I became a fucking thief. It broke my central belief system down. So the only thing that kept me alive was this desire to make my mother proud. But at that time, I was hoping she wasn't watching me.

Like I'm like, I hope she's not fucking watching me, man. I don't want her to see what I'm going through now and the things I'm doing to make money and the people I'm burning just to snort blow. I didn't want her to see that type of lifestyle. But the air of confidence comes from anger. I really does. I'm pissed because I'm scared.

I don't want to fucking do one of this. You think I want to get on stage in the comments from one of those people and try new material? Are you fucking crazy? So would you consider yourself like a confident person? No, I consider myself somebody who gives up and knows that that's what they have to do. Like at that point, you just give up.

It's like when I go get a shot. When I walk into the doctor's office, I'm a confident guy. When I hear Jose Diaz and I walk in, I'm fucking great. Hey, how are you? Great. How are those tamales? A Spanish girl. We always talk about tamales.

She always tells me her cousin made something for her. They're from Nicaragua, Toyters, whatever the fuck they eat. And then I get down, she takes my blood pressure. How's the doctor? He's busy today. He'll be a couple of minutes. Okay, she takes my blood pressure. She takes my temperature.

She tells me to take off my shirt with the doctor being in five minutes. I'm pretty fucking cool. Then the doctor comes in, then he says something to me and he goes, you gonna get blood today yet? And once I walk into that room, Lee, oh my God, Lee, the thoughts I get. Somebody asked me that day,

what you do when you get bad thoughts? Lee, say, yeah, I get bad thoughts. Three out of the seven nights when I lay down. What do you mean bad thoughts? The plan's gonna crash. I'll take a situation where I'm not gonna be specific. Somebody will say they're traveling. A friend of mine will call me and we'll talk

and I'll be a friend. Even somebody that I don't, not crazy over, but I like him will call and tell me something. I'm driving to New Mexico. And for some reason, I won't think about it till I lay down at night. And all of a sudden I'll think about all the bad things on the drive down there and now he's gonna hit a wolf

and he's gonna go off a fucking cliff. And I gotta tell my mind to stop and the only way to stop is to say a fucking prayer. I figured out after fucking 30 years that the only thing with work is when I said a prayer. And I say the prayer like two times and the thought keeps trying to fight my head. And by the fifth time, that thought goes away.

And I say the daily prayer, I'll follow the walk of heaven, yeah, I will be thy name. And some people will listen to me like you're fucking crazy. When you're a Buddhist and you lay down and you get into the position and you do the mantras or whatever the fuck they call them, you're repeating chantras or you're opening up your chakras

and you're repeating the mantras. It's just, in a way, it's a prayer. You're releasing a prayer. So I took it from that one time. I used to get fucking crazy thoughts, man. You know, sometimes at night, I'll be laying there the other night. Yeah, I lay down and I was in a good mood.

I don't know what the fuck I was watching. And this had to be two weeks ago, I lay down and all of a sudden I clicked on my ex-wife. Just clicked, it was like a movie. And all of a sudden I could feel, I was slanted and I could feel the blood pressure elevating me from the anger that I had worked myself up. My fucking heartbeat was bleeding the bed.

You could hear the heartbeat go boom, boom, boom. Like just instantly you were back to where you guys were like fighting with each other. 1995, there I was, fuck you, you fucking whore. Just a feeling and anguish I got. And it was getting worse like I had. I couldn't fucking breathe. And I had to stop right there and just,

I must have said the Lord's Prayer 10 times. That's cool, that's a cool part about religion. Even if that just calms you down. But I didn't start it that way. I just figured that out one day when I was watching a Tina Turner movie and she was doing those things. I forget what it is.

Ricky Ron, whatever fucking Duncan does when before he goes on stage. Well, Ricky, yeah, the chance. So I thought about it that way. I go, what's the fucking real difference? All these religions that are not fucking Scientology, but they basically talk about energy. All I'm doing is switching up the fucking energy

in my mind by saying the prayer. I was raised Catholic. I'm not saying the prayer. I would say any prayer. I would say a Jew prayer if I knew one. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's like- If I hung out with you and you took me to the temple

and there was a prayer and I would get a bad thought on a plane. When I eat the edibles and I sit in the fucking plane, what do you think I do? I say a fucking prayer. What do you get coming out of my mouth? None of the 10 times. Lord, please help me.

Really on the plane? No, I say it to myself all day. Lord, please help me. And then when I get stuck and my mind gets stuck in that death, I just fucking go right into hell for what I'm doing and all will be done in night. Kingdom come night will be done. And I'm still getting hotter and hotter as I'm saying it.

I'm not gonna lie to you. And this happens three times a week? This probably happens three times in a week, not at night necessarily. It could happen when I'm driving. It could happen when I'm trying to write a joke or trying to write my plans for the day. I just think of something and get fucking fired up.

And I gotta control myself. And you get negative thoughts, man. But now, listen, I get crazy 10 times a week. I'm talking when you get to the point where you're just thinking stuff that's not natural. And you know when you think stuff that's not natural. We all have that moment where you're like, wow, you know, and you daydream.

But I get them where they get dark, where they get scared. I get them about my family. I get them about my friends. I get them about my friends' families. And I gotta knock myself out of it, man. Do you think it could be the edibles? Cause I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting here putting the podcast up late at night.

And I'm super hot. Do you just get really on your off things? Someone's mad at me or something? No, in my mind, the edibles have elevated the levels of it. Like they make it worse, I get anxiety. But even 20 years ago, I would work myself up at night. After it started, it's always, I've always been a head case like that.

I would think of something 10 weeks later. I'd get mad at something 10 weeks later. Or say something to me and I knew it was gonna be wrong. And then something goes wrong and I'll bring it up eight weeks later. I'm the king of that shit. You know, it's just my nature. It's just some people's fuckin' natures.

And you weren't holding it over? You just didn't even think about it for like a couple of weeks? Yeah, I wasn't even thinking about it. And all of a sudden, it would just pop up. The thing last week with my ex-wife really scared me. It was about two weeks ago, where it just took me over into the morning. And then the shower had to pray,

like in the shower I had to pray. And there was no communication or anything? Nothing, nothing, just in my mind. But it happens to me with a lot of fucking things. If somebody says to me, hey man, what are you doing? None, let's hook up later at four. All right, I'm gonna go for a bike ride.

I hate when people say that to me. Why? Because my mind goes, especially if I care for the person, my mind goes in 88 different fuckin' places, lady. You told me not to get a bike. Oh my God, it just, I don't care. You were really serious about it. It's just a bad, I told the girl at yoga

and a week later she got hit by a guy at night. There's just different times, there's different places to ride a bike. I would not trust a California. You gotta assume 60% of the people are high. Yeah. The sun gets in your eyes, 70%. You're thinking about, also in the mountains, 80%.

You're in a 20% possibility you're gonna get hit by a bike. You're in a fuckin' bike lane in one of the nation's worst fuckin' traffic areas. And you wanna drive a bike in a place where the people, the IQ of the people driving is a man. That's number one, number two. I guarantee 50% of these motherfuckers don't have insurance. So you get clipped, you're on your own, bitch.

Yeah, and they're gonna go. And they're gonna go, so now what are you gonna do? So, you know what, just don't ride. You wanna ride a bike, find the fuckin' mountain, get a Subaru, put your bike in the trunk, and on Saturdays, go up there and you could ride all around with your little helmet and your girlfriend in the whole hands

and take a Viagra and fuck her up in the weeds I was shocked because this is when I before I started working out, I was like, oh, maybe I'll get a bike. Cause I look pretty close to the office and you're like, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, especially at night, you with a fuckin' helmet, I hit you out of principle. If I saw you with a helmet comin' at me,

I'd have to turn the car around, I hit you out of principle, like on the thing, on the steering wheel, somethin'. No, no, no, you don't wanna take a chance. How many times you've been drivin' going? You see people fuckin' up. All the time. Okay, so now you wanna take that chance without meddling around you.

Some dude, when I said I might've wanted a convertible, some dude tried to get me to be on a motorcycle and he seemed very nice and he knew a lot about it, but I can't be on a motorcycle. It's nice, I love motorcycles too, I wish I'd got a motorcycle. I could never. In a fuckin' small city where people had respect

and I knew everybody's car. So if somebody did deck me, I wouldn't take it on, I ain't sons of anarchy, I don't need to go to New Mexico or hang on, no, no, no, no, no, nice community. On the weekends, take your bike out. I ain't puttin' a fuckin' kid on it, I'll put a helmet on, I'll put elbow things on, I'll do the speed limit,

but I don't wanna ride around cars. That's what I'm sayin', I'll go get some dirt rides, bikes with you, and we can do some dirt bike ride, and that's my world. But for me, I'll start that all over again. I grew up on that shit in Jersey at first with the Balzanos, I had the XL 175, I love all that shit. I just feel like I'd fall off.

But I'm not taking a motorcycle on the street with these fuckin' dickheads driving today with no respect. And you see, and you know what they do here when they go like right down the middle of the lanes and they're goin' super fast, like my buddy, who I used to edit with, got hit by a car. I don't fuckin' know when somebody's comin',

I'm listenin' to music. I think about that, how many times do I not pay attention? And I'm the type of guy that I do pay attention. How many times is my mind takin' of a joke or a plane ticket? And all of a sudden, I'm stoned and there's music in the car. I don't know if you're comin' or not, I'm focused on somethin' else. And here you come behind me with your beautiful girlfriend,

with your little helmet, and I go to Muckman's switch in the other lane, and there you go. Whether you're on a motorcycle, a fuckin' bicycle. But it's not even that you're not paying attention because when you're in stop traffic, you're not, like when I first moved here, they don't do that in Boston. When I first moved here, if the traffic stopped,

I'm like, okay, no one's gonna come up from the side of me and then they'll just appear out of nowhere. And they get mad at you, they kick your car. No, no, no, no, no, just stick to the fuckin' car you're gonna have with them. Oh, we never have a birthday. Let me give her some shout-outs, let's abandon ship. All right, first of all, happy birthday to Dylan Klein.

Your girlfriend's been ballin' me up for a shit. I think she balled at Lee. I think she finally sent Lee a picture of her titties. We're just kiddin'. Happy birthday, Dylan Klein. We love you, cocksucker. Happy birthday. ATM Daddy, David Boy, Javier Jimenez, John Papelia,

Rick Reismore, and Gareth Allen Evans. Fuckin' shout-outs to you, cocksuckers. I love you guys. And also, happy Canada's Day to all my Canadians who listen to this, you know I love you to all my heart. You motherfuckers are the backbone of the show, you crazy fuckin' canuckcocksuckers, I love you. Do you ever have poutine?

Do you ever have poutine? Yeah, I had poutine. Do you like it? Yeah, don't you see me jumpin' up and fuckin' down? I don't like poutine. I haven't had poutine in like 30 fuckin' years. I went to fuckin' Montreal all one time, one of those places, I don't remember it, so.

Not gonna lie to you. Not gonna lie to you. Yeah, I appreciate that. Yeah, you know how I fuckin' roll. Anyway, next weekend I'm in Atlanta, the week after that. Where the fuck am I the week after that? I don't know where the fuck I am.

Tomorrow night I'm at the economy store, next week I'm in Atlanta, I know we're in Chicago, and then I'm goin' to the ice house with my manly, doin' a combination testicle, testament. Whatever the fuck it is. Live church. Yeah, live church. What's up?

How are you? You know me, chillin' like Tony McMillan, ain't I? I'm just coasting in life, fucksucker. It's our world, you just visit us. It's been a nice week, man. I know a lot of years out of town this week, I wanna tell you something, be safe, be careful.

A lot of bullshit. I'm scared about this weekend, I'm not gonna lie to you. These ISIS people are crazy. That ain't no fuckin' dildo flag they saw, that was ISIS. You think so? Yeah, that was ISIS. I thought they said it was a dildo. Nah, ISIS is some fuckin' full effect.

They're gonna strike somewhere. Keep your doors locked, keep your eye on your kids, watch your cats, they'll turn that motherfuckin' to hummus, those ISIS people. I just saw that movie, American Sniper, when they put the drill bits in the kids' fuckin' eyeballs and shit, that's fucked up. Third time I fell asleep watching American Sniper,

but I like that, I'm always tired when I watch it, I don't know what the fuck's goin' on. You ready for when ISIS comes? What's that? You gotta finish the movie, it's just... Shut the fuck up, why you gotta torment me for, look at the shape of you, you can't wait to go home to have your usual pepperoni fuckin' almondine.

That's your usual pepperoni almondine, you cook it up in a fire thing and you put almonds on it. I wanna give a shout out to our sponsors on it, as usual, been here since day one, roughin' it with us motherfuckers, and that's why I rough with them. I can look you motherfuckers in the eye and look at you and tell you,

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you puff your fuckin' eyeballs out of that half-a-brain, half-a-brain, I'm sorry, number one new tropic, what is it got in it again? This is some fuckin' serious shit, complete earth-grown new tropic with alpha-GPC and AC-11, stop fuckin' around, go to honet.com, take a look at what they got, they got supplements, they got kettlebells,

they got ropes, all I can help you is get the supplements, I'm gonna give you 10% off, go to the box and press in. Church. Boom! What do you think you're gonna get? 10% off, what do you press? Church. C-H-U-R-C-H, we don't fuck around here, I love honet, trust me, give them a shot, alpha-brain, 100% guaranteed if you don't like it,

we don't even want the product back, try that with your local drug dealer, tell you to go fuck yourself. Number two, you're sittin' there going, what am I gonna eat for the fourth of July? I've been tryin' to offer to you, tryin' to hook you up for fuckin' two months, and now you're thinkin' of this shit,

go to naturebox.com. Nutritious, delicious, nutritionist-approved, you can see them, you don't have to eat them all at one shot like a fuckin' savage, they got delicious stuff, I mean just fuckin' tremendous. I mean, my favorite, the garlic plantains, you eat some pussy after that, it's all over, but the shoutin', you understand me,

that little monkey gets salty and garlicky, you got that little wang in your mouth, look at the leaf, faintin' over there, you're half a foodie. I'm just thinkin' about the sriracha almonds. Go. The sriracha cashews. Oh, cashews.

Oh, the cashews. That would be good right now. And the chocolate nom-nom's with a little glass of fuckin' milk, I'm telling you, I'm hookin' you up for free. They want you to get a sample box, they're gonna give you two big bags and three little bags. All right, go to naturebox.com and press in.

Go to naturebox.com slash Joey. Okay, and you go to the thing and pick the snacks you want, tell them if you're gluten-free, if you're allergic, whatever the fuck you want. I feel like crunchy or chewy. They don't fuck around. They got some bars that are delicious, some almond bars, oh my God.

Go over there, see what the fuck they got. Two big bags and three little bags. Make sure you get the sriracha cashews. Make sure you get the French toast. They might not even have that, because I didn't see that last time. I never get that one. I always switch it up.

I always get the tails of this one and I never get it. I always get the, that's because you don't come for the house, like you ship before you come over, like I try to call you, but you jump up and down with Paul over there, playing no fucking tango. Anyway, go to naturebox.com. I got a free sample box for you. You're gonna be fucking tremendous.

Go there and press in what? Naturebox.com slash Joey. Boom, and get your free box coming at you, also free, but you're gonna pay for shipping, maybe a dollar and a half, dollar and 90. Stop complaining, bitch. Let me tell you something. I've been going to Jiu-Jitsu more and more,

and one thing that makes me go to Jiu-Jitsu is comfort. You know, at first I was going with those white underwear and your nut would pop out. Lee found that out once he joined Jiu-Jitsu. Me on these, the most comfortable underwear you will ever fucking wear. Do you understand me? I've tried them all, I'm a fat fuck.

Me on these, feel good. They cup your nuts, no sweat. There's no stinking between your fucking legs. They pull all the moisture out. People can't see you. That'd be amazing after you go to Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah, I just take them off after Jiu-Jitsu and go all our cart until I get home

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Joey. Joey and get what? 20% off and pre-shipping in Canada. In the United States. All right, who takes care of you like Uncle Joey? I love you guys. I fucking love you guys with all my heart. Thank you for all the love and support.

You know, we talk about some crazy stuff on here. We like to mix it up from time to time. I know some people get mad at the food talk. We're gonna cut it down a little bit, but we're switching it around. You know I love you motherfuckers with all my heart, all right? Have a great 4th of July. See you back here Monday night.

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She's a popper, got a brand new form Kick that body for your ass Let's get it on, like we said before See the brothers still in trouble, hit the buster bubble Cause we rumble from our lower level To condition your condition, we're gonna do a song But you'll never learn before Make it all jump along to the education

Brothers gonna work it out, and stop chasing Come on You got it What it takes Don't get it Where you want it Don't you get it All the brothers in the street are willing to work it out

Come on Come on, yo, let's go to work So many of us ain't limbo how to get it on It's playing simple three stones From the sun we need a piece of this What I'm doing Is a stroke of a soul Answers to this wizard

To the brothers in the street School And a presence History shouldn't be a mystery Our story's real history Not his story He's gonna work it out One day till we all get paid

The right way in full No fool talking, no walking Driving, arriving, get styling Tell him soon you'll see what I'm talking about Just one day, the brothers gonna work it out Come on Let's go You got it

What it takes Don't get it Where you want it Don't you get it All the brothers in the street are willing to work it out Let's get it on Let's get it on Let's get it on

Let's get it on Let's get it on Let's get it on Let's get it on Let's get it on Let's get it on You're just arriving over time, chief In 1995 you'll trust that that's how you raise your fist to the music

United we stand, yes, divided we fall together We can stay tall Brothers that try to work it out They get mad We folk, we vines, realize they're super bad Small kids and smart brothers gonna be a victim of his own circumstances Sanitize, shell shock, rock and bone Day in the life of a fool

Like I said before, the limit low Life, take your time, time, yo, go slow Look ahead, another thing to fear Brother to brother, got another essence See it, teach a man how to be a father To never tell a woman he can't bother You can't say you don't know what I'm talking about But one day, I'll get shit on them

Something's gonna whip me down Come on You got it What it takes Go get it Where you want it Don't get it Yeah, yeah

What the fuck is in the street Oh, we're gonna work it out Let's get it on Let's get it on Let's get it on Come on Come on Come on

Come on Come on Come on Come on Come on Come on Come on Come on

Come on Come on Come on Come on Please, come let's do something Come on