Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #297 - Ben Saunders

Episode Date: July 7, 2015

Ben Saunders, UFC Fighter, and former Bellator fighter, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for five Hit E Cig's for $50 Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. They are also produce some of the best edibles on the market, Los Gummies Hermanos Recorded live on 07/06/15 Music:  Locomotive Breath - Jethro Tull Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet La Calle Estay Durisima - Joe CUba

This show is brought to you by Onit.com. Go to Onit.com and use code word church to get 10% off all of the great optimization products like Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shroom Tech Immune, Shroom Tech Sport. It's code word church to get 10% off. Show is also brought to you by NailedItLife.com, also makers of Los Gumis Hermanos.

For the premier vapor pen on the market, go to NailedItLife.com and use code word joeyds to get 20% off. And the show is also brought to you by hitesigs.com. Better tasting, longer lasting, the proof is in the vape. They have e-cigarettes and e-cigars for you in different levels of nicotine if you're looking to quit smoking

or if you just want a cool ass e-cigar, this is a place to go. And hitesigs is running a five for 50 promotion where you get five e-cigs for $50. When you use code word joey's church. Oh, shit. Once you hear the piano, it could be time to hang yourself.

Or it could be the beginning of a beautiful fucking show. You know what I'm saying? The church of what's happening now, Coxuckers in full effect. Ben Saunders, Lee Syat. Keep kicking this motherfucker, Lee. This is old school for these Coxuckers. It's Monday, July the sixth.

There's no more Chinese people around. They did their service for the year. That's it. Firecrackers in the new year. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Here he comes. Oh, shit.

Are you kidding me, Ben Saunders? Or what? Chillin', lovin' his music. Keep going, Lee. Keep going. It's gonna get started yet. Keep going, Lee. This ain't even gotten warmed up.

Oh, shit. Kick this motherfucker. It's Monday, Coxuckers. Oh, shit. In the shuffling madness of locomotive brass. Runs the all-time loser. God damn it. Wait, except for the fuckin' flute.

This guy's a bad motherfucker. He has a testin' scrape, baby. He's not a flute fan. No. When I saw him with the flute, I almost had a heart attack. What's happening, Coxuckers? Well, we just took a thousand milligram brownie,

so this is gonna be a fun and a show. Oh, my God. It was a good-ass Monday, baby. What's up, Ben Saunders? Chillin', man. Just got done trainin'. It's a pleasure to have you here. It's a pleasure to have you here, my friend.

No, not a pleasure to be here, thank you. I remember having a conversation with you maybe seven years ago in the hotel room with Joe about Chikun Do, and then Chichu. You were just a young pop or somethin'. Man, that was my second fight ever. Was it? Yeah, we were in UFC 87,

John Fitch versus GSP, man. Jesus Christ, you got a memory like a hawk, brother. Yeah, dude, it was amazing. Like, when I met you guys, I was like, yo, what's up? Minneapolis. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

That's right, that's right. And we hooked up when we're giggling and tellin' stories. Nah, it's great to have you here. It's great that you're with Eddie. Yes, yeah, yeah, the mastermind himself, man. You know, traveling across country just to get this work in. And you're fighting in July.

Just not for three weeks. Yeah, yeah, fighting July 25th in Chicago. UFC on Fox 16 event. And I'll be in Chicago with you, just not at your venue. I'll be doin' comedy at Zany's. I know Joe's doin' a show. Joe's doin' it, I'm doin' it.

We didn't have the dates. Night of Wains, right? Yeah, I got this date a year ago when I got the movie and then the UFC came up with the date and I was already stuck, so. Yeah, it's a shame, you know? I would love to make it out there for it, but obviously I'm gonna be recovering, you know?

I'd love to make it out for you, and I can't, because I'm gonna be on stage. How did you get hooked up with Eddie? Oh man, you know, I'm just a huge, huge fan of The Guard. You know, when I started JKD, I started with a striking background. Hoist Gracie opened my eyes, obviously UFC one, and the first early UFC's, you know,

seeing someone tear it up off their back. I was under the impression, if I wanna get involved in this game, I wanna keep it standing. People are gonna wanna take me down. I need to become a savage off my back, so, you know, I worked really hard, you know? Lots of dedication to my guard work,

and his game, I'm very flexible. I'm very long from my weight class as well. You know, I have to build that. I could probably, if I packed on the muscle, I could fight at any weight class above 170, but his take on The Guard game just transitioned very well into what I was already doing. And more than anything, when you're in a fight,

you don't wanna get punched in the face. And this man's coming up with his own system and theories and ideas of how to not get punched in the face, while also being effective offensively. I'm not a fan of defensive guard. You know, defensive guard works very well if we went old school MMA, no time limits. I'll let you tie yourself out.

I can play the defensive guard, but even my defensive guard is more open guard. I'm not a fan of closed guard, and everything Eddie does is, the only closed guard that I feel is effective is top closed guard, a high closed guard on their upper back, pulling them in, you know, making sure they can't posture

and punch you in the face, and his entire system, you know, it just seemed like a no-brainer. I went on the Ultimate Fighter season six. I basically had no money, you know, going into that show, but when I got off the show and I made it to the UFC, my first thing that I did with the money that I got from being on the show was by his book, Master in the Rubber Guard.

And I just did everything in my power to try to understand, you know, like I said, his system, his style, his methods. It's crazy that, you know, there was a guy that died hiking. I don't know. He died of, he was a UFC guy, great guy. No, no, no, he wasn't hiking.

Evan Tanner? Evan Tanner, you know. Yeah, yeah. He was very much self-taught. I never understood how a guy could get a video series from somebody and just teach themselves. Yeah, that's- That is phenomenal to me.

Like, I'd be scared. I wouldn't want to get into a bad habit. Like, there's people that have no, you know, they're in a little small town and there's no Jiu-Jitsu for three or four hours, you know. You had no Jiu-Jitsu background at all? I mean, what you're talking is exactly- No, what we're talking about, what he did,

he just went and got the DVDs. That's insane. He got the DVDs with no background. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he had a background, he had a background. At that time, but- Oh, okay. But realistically, that's exactly how I did it.

I taught myself training with my friends and my brother pretty much from watching UFC, the early UFC VHS tapes, once the internet kicked in, man, that was like, I mean, I was a computer nerd. I was all about it and you're hearing that dial up, you know, AOL, you name it, do do do do do do, all that stuff. I miss that noise sometimes.

Yeah. Just to get the information, man, like, I would print out anything I could find, jiu-jitsu, philosophies, techniques. Sometimes it was pictures, sometimes it was just almost just articles. I print out everything I could. Anytime I could get any form of information,

I was all on it, man. I mean, since 10 years old, I saw the first UFC live on pay-per-view, changed my life. Changed my life. I knew from that moment I looked at my best friend and said, that's what I wanna do. And he said, you are crazy. Yeah, right.

And I said, watch me. And you're in Orlando, Florida. I am now. At the time, no. I grew up in Fort Lauderdale. Fort Lauderdale. And then I eventually moved to Cool Springs, but yeah, basically down south, Florida.

And you're down there and you're watching all this now. What made you, what's the matter? Someone just sent pizza to that guy. Did they? Perfect. Keep going, I'm sorry. So what made you walk into a Jikwondo studio? I'm sorry.

Honestly, there was nothing around but Taekwondo and karate schools where I was from. I got into Bruce Lee through my older brother who was all about it. And it kinda, I ended up getting like Taekwondo, which is like his main book. And my best friend had all his other books. And with my ADHD, I'm not the biggest fan of reading

at least at the time growing up. You know, I'm young. I started getting into this when I was like seven, eight years old. So I'm like extremely young. So I'm just like, yo, show me the pictures. Like I want the graphs showing me he's doing this to that, to that, to that.

Let's put it together and see if we can make this happen. You know, you try to pretend you're doing kung fu and all that stuff. But it almost seemed like fate because the only thing around was my best friend did Taekwondo. I didn't really, you know, my parents were divorced. I grew up with no money.

So it's not like my dad could really pay for Taekwondo or karate or anything for me. So it would be like my best friend would go train and then I would just kind of spar play with him like when he would get back from it. And we were walking through the mall when I was 14. And there was literally a Jeet Kune Do, like a table setup. They're showing Dan and Asana doing Filipino collie,

knife fighting, stick fighting. And I already knew what all of this was from the books and from magazines, Black Belt Magazine and all that stuff that I was just like, I literally told myself we'd looked at each other. We're like, this is a sign from God, you know? Like we went there, we listened to what they had to say. The package, I didn't even care what he was saying.

His name was Sifu Neil Khalifi. He still has an Academy, American Dragon, Martial Arts Academy in Cold Springs, Florida. So anybody looking to train JKD or weapons fighting or whatnot, I would definitely recommend that spot. And that was my original, I was like, how much does it cost? Doesn't matter, I'll figure it out.

And I went and I asked my mom, I didn't live with my mom at the time, but I explained to her, I was like, Mom, I gotta go here. What can I do? And she's like, well, let's see if we can get you a job. And we went to a local McDonald's that was near where my dad lived.

And she went in and she talked to the manager and they had child labor laws at the time. So it was like, you can only work like two hours and you would have to take 15 minutes or 30 minutes off and whatnot. I didn't work weekends, but I didn't care. Like I killed myself on the weekends, do whatever I could to make that money

to pay for these JKD lessons. And that was my official foundation. Everything else was self-taught. Even when I was going there, it was self-taught because there wasn't jiu-jitsu there and whatnot. And I had to kind of, I was just learning fundamentals. I was learning a little Wing Chun, a little Muay Thai, Filipino Kali, you name it, man.

And my life kind of exploded from there. And how long did you stay at Jekyll and Doe for? I stayed there for two and a half years. So I was 14 and I stayed there almost till I was 17. But I wasn't, I hated school. I really hated school. I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I knew, I mean, and at this time,

UFC was banned from pay-per-view. It was banned from TV. So I'm like, okay. So that route might not be practical, but going to Japan, going overseas still is. Pride was at an all-time high. Yeah, so I'm like, that's still my goal. I'm like, worst case scenario,

I'm gonna open up my own martial arts academy. I'm just gonna live the martial arts. I will, I'm so down with the mediocre. Even if I had to live at my gym, I didn't care. I was like, that's what my mindset, let's just live the martial arts lifestyle. And crazy how things blew up the way it is now, obviously. But I stayed there for that long

and then I had to go into night school and I had to do, I slept in every class freshman year. Freshman year, literally, I would come in. I'd probably play video games and stuff, play around with computers and whatnot all night, go to sleep for like four hours, wake up, go to school and then sleep throughout school and do this over and over.

My GPA, freshman year, dropped to a point eight. You know, come junior year, they're like, you're not gonna graduate. You need 2.0, you're not gonna graduate. I was like, obviously my dad was like, if you don't pick your grades up before that, like freshman year towards the end, when he was like, are you joking me?

You failed all these classes and D's and the only ones that I did good in are the ones I enjoyed, art, you know, like art stuff. And I ended up going to have to go to night school and all that and do whatever I had to do to make sure that I could graduate. And otherwise, he wasn't gonna let me, you know, continue the classes.

So, you know, I picked my grades up, but once the night school started happening, kind of took, I don't know. I wouldn't say I got just life in general, man. Life happened and as far as working, you know, what academy owner is gonna look at, you know, a 16, 17 year old boy and be like, nah, I see a lot of potential in you.

Clean my toilets and, you know, I'll let you train here for free. It really was, you know, business is business. So, you know, I didn't have the money to pay for, pay for the classes and I kind of bowed out at the JKD for about a year. And then, but the entire time I was still training. I was still doing everything I said.

I was printing out articles, you know. Anytime I had, I even remember I had a, it was like social studies or something and we had to do different eras. And our era ended up being 2000 and they gave me sports. Like we had a group project, so everyone had different sections and they gave me sports.

And I'm like, okay, yeah, cool, I'll do sports. I wasn't really into sports too much. You know, I was a little into football, but martial arts was my thing. So I had like little blocks for every other sport. And then UFC was like the biggest thing. I had the most hardcore pictures that I could print out and I made a VHS tape, literally with two VCRs.

I found the most hardcore fights. And I put the parental advisory up to make sure that everyone in the class knew what they were about to see, let the teacher knew what she was about to see. And we're talking Tank Abbott, Bloodbath stuff, the Tela, no, I forget who he fought. The guy that he ended up making like stone up where his arms got locked up

and then he makes fun of them for having his arms locked up. Like it was just the most vicious. I had a, I believe it was Gerard Gordeaux kicking out the tooth and punching the eye of Tela Thule from the first UFC. Like the most brutal stuff I could find. And by the end of it, everyone thought I was absolutely psychotic.

Something was wrong with me and the teacher was... Scared. Yes. She wasn't, I mean, she was probably a little annoyed by it. Luckily my brother and sister, my older sister, and I actually have a twin brother, we're fraternal. He's a complete opposite. He's a huge pacifist, at least physical pacifist.

He went the political route, so he's a verbal aggressor, I guess. But yeah, all the teachers liked them. So I was kind of like the oddling out, the black sheep of the family. And so she accepted it, but ever since that moment, it definitely scared the crap out of most of the people in my grade.

It was messed up. When did you get on the Ultimate Fighter? How old were you when you got on that? Which was six or seven years ago, correct? Yeah, I just turned 24. Jesus. Yeah. Yeah, man, I was four, oh, and two.

I just won the CFC Combat Fighting Championships, welterweight title, and my first four fights, my first two fights were draws, fight of the night, but there were AFC, old school, Dan Lambert from ATT, it was actually amazing, the old school show AFC. He actually brought, you'll see a lot of people from there, Hermes Franca, and various people he brought from Brazil. I fought a guy from Argentina.

He really made it an international show, and now it was kind of my breakthrough. How did both of your first fights become draws? Yeah, they were only two round fights. And I watched the fights, and still to this day, I watched the fights, and I feel, depending on the judging criteria, I feel I won them, you know, but I'll give it a draw.

It's cool, you know, first fight, I actually knocked my dude out, and then woke him back up when I hit him on the ground. He gave his back, and then for three minutes, I'm just squeezing his heart. I took the fight on three days notice, because like three other people dropped out from fighting him.

Dean Thomas gave my name to the matchmaker, and they called me up, and I just remember squeezing for a rear naked choke for three minutes, and then the round ends, and I'm like, oh man, lactic acid buildup in my arms. I was like, I can't even lift my arms. I gotta go out there for five more minutes, okay? So that was all heart.

I remember after that round, we, I ended up getting the takedown at the end. Kind of, he kind of teed off on me. He was a Muay Thai dude. You know, he was an ISK kickboxing champion. He came out with the tongue pole, headgear, you know, big diesel black eye. My family, I had my family there.

They're like, shut up. He's fighting him, and this guy's fighting him. I was 21, he was 31. It was like, I'm fighting a grown ass man, you know? With experience, and you know, I got a takedown at the end. I had side mount. He was trying to get a guillotine with side mount.

You can't finish a choke from there. The round ended, and the crowd's going crazy. It was just a battle. We were going at it for the entire time. I had the advantage the first round, second round. I'm taking everything he has, but I didn't quit. I kept fighting back. I thought he knocked my front teeth out,

and I'm thinking to myself, oh, you gotta return the favor. I'm here getting $300 for this. Oh, I'm definitely gonna knock his teeth out. I gotta try to knock his teeth out, because they, I don't have dental insurance, man. I don't even know how I'm gonna get this covered. Yeah, and the entire crowd screaming,

one more round, one more, like the entire place is going crazy. I walked to my corner, I'm like, oh my God, do I really gotta go out there for one more round? And they're like, no, your contract. It only said two rounds. I'm like, thank God, thank God. And it ended up being a draw.

Those little young leagues are where you really learn how to battle. I mean, think about it. You're training all your life, and also you get to this tournament, and you think it's gonna all be coaching. You look across, and there's a 31-year-old guy across from you, 10 years your elder.

And you're like, Jesus Christ, this ain't as glamorous as I thought it would be. I gotta fight this fucking monster. I actually didn't care. I actually had a smile on my face. I'm like, I was so excited. I was so excited. I was like, oh my God, yeah, yeah,

I get to finally go pro. Like, no amateur crap. We're going straight pro. I'm getting paid for this. This is gonna be on my official record. I'm gonna be on Sherdog, you know? Like, people are gonna be able to look me up. I was so excited.

I didn't even care. And then, I'll say this though. After the fight, the worst thing that I did was, we were like, I was probably concussed to a little bit, and we were like, yeah, let's go to my friend's house. We'll drink some beers, and he's got a hot tub, and that was probably the worst thing I could have done. I dehydrated myself with alcohol,

went into a hot tub, dehydrated myself even more, and then woke up the next day feeling like absolute trash. And from that day forward, man, I don't really like to drink after a fight, you know? I don't think it's good for the brain. I don't think it's good for vitality. You know, you're already cutting the weight. You're already going through the fight.

There's so much your body just went through, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It's in shock. Yeah. It's in shock. It's in the head. And then you're going to give it alcohol, and make it worse, or drugs, whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I learned definitely. You're an open wound, you know? Definitely, from that day forward. I was like, nah, the longevity and vitality of my body, you know, maybe three days. Let me come home, relax, have a good night's sleep, you know? I was always wondering, and I know it's going to be different for every fighter,

but I can't imagine going from fighting in front of 60,000 people to going home and watching Seinfeld reruns. Like, what is like a normal- That's, that's, that's, that's me, man. Oh my God, that sounds like, I feel like- Please, let me just go away for a little bit. Let my body just, give my body three, four days to just take it back, you know?

Sometimes, you know, you can go out there and have the greatest fight in the world. You take no punishment, no, you know? You still had to cut weight. You still had to make weight. That's the only real trauma that happened. And maybe, you know, anything that happened throughout the training camp leading into the fight.

But, you know, you had the good times, you got the bad times. But I'll agree with you on one factor, and that was, I could have went out there and I dropped him in the first minute, minute and a half. It could have been over. It could have been over. And yeah, I would have got a W, but man,

to know what it's like to just be in there and be in the grind and have, you'll find out real quick, do you have the heart for this? Cause I had no cardio going into that second round, you know, and when I thought he knocked my teeth out, you know, there are so many times that I probably could have just caved down, you know, gave up, tapped out, you know,

give them something, whatever. And, you know, that's definitely a defining moment in anybody's career is, you can go out there all day long and knock people out, submit people real quick. When you start dealing with, you know, perseverance, when you have to deal with the struggle and trying to come back or trying to maintain,

that's a defining moment to kind of let you know what kind of person you are or what you're trying to strive for. You can always get better. You could always, oh man, I wasn't ready, you tapped out and then say, that'll never happen again. I'm gonna make sure I'm in shape every time. And then, you know, obviously you can gain, you know,

a little bit more ambition to have more heart later on, if that's your thing. But the greatest thing that ever happened to me was my first two fights were draws. I learned everything you would learn from a loss without getting a loss on my record. And I think for sure that's kind of, kind of gave me the motivation

and the understanding of I can do this, man. I can actually do this. I just gotta get my bearings down, you know? I gotta understand. We had no clue back then, you know, this 2004. Had no clue, had a fight for, had a train for a fight, had to get in, you know, proper conditioning for a fight. I was just going to classes.

Sometimes, you know, and then we would have pro class and it was just fighting each other, you know? Like, that's how most people came up. When I came up before, when I moved to Orlando, we went to Dean Thomas' place. It was United Champions. It was Jamie Levine, Dean Thomas, Mike Bell, Mike Black, and Paul Rodriguez were the main guys.

But we had people from here, California Raw, coming out here, the old school Raw team. I don't know if they're around still, but, you know, like, people that I saw online on videos, you know, Gladiator Challenge and King of the Cage and stuff, coming through those doors and we would just throw down. And I'm this, at this time, I'm 18. I'm a little baby, you know?

And I'm just trying to get, trying to understand the game. I was always, I think the biggest thing is, fuck, keep your ego at the damn door, man. Tap as much as you have to and, you know, think about the longevity. You're not getting paid for that. There's no insurance. You break your hand, you're out fucking three months,

four months of what, what are you learning at that point in time, you know? You're very limited in what you can and cannot do. I have the fear of playing to this. I need fear along the way. I ask you because, you know, I had a little bout last week and it's so weird that after 24 years of doing comedy, I love being scared.

I revolve around having fear. That's what brings the best out of me when I'm scared, you know, and I think that a lot of, because of the UFC and because a lot of other things, you know, when I was a kid, I joined karate at eight or seven and I loved it and I went to tournaments and there was a time where, yeah, you know, there's Roberto Durant, I could do that.

And then I got into a couple of brawls as a kid and I did okay. I still didn't have any hope of being a fighter, but, you know, if that's the last straw, then I think I'll be a fighter if I really need the money. And then one day I went to Mugger Dude and I got beat up really bad. I got punched like a thousand times.

And I remember saying to myself the next day, putting the ice on my head, because he hit me everywhere. There was no fucking ref. There was no Mario Sakasaki, whatever his fucking name was. And that's for his life right there. You mugged him. That's for his life.

He was hitting me with shots to the fucking head, the face, any way he could connect. And I remember putting a bag on my head the next day going, you know what man? I learned the big lesson last night. Don't mug people and you're never gonna be a fighter. Like this is never, ever gonna work for you. Like this is, not that I was scared.

I just didn't like that whole three minutes of my life. That was just horrifying. He was all over me like a cheapsuit. And you might've thought, you know, God knows what he could've done. God knows what he could've done. And I was on the way out and I punched him. He had me cornered and I punched him in the throat

and I ran out of there. But I knew I had like a block and a half and I ran fast. Like I broke my own record. Sparring is a lot different from a fight, I imagine. Oh, listen man, you can, you know, hitting the bag. You know, I see these guys, you know, I was going to this kickboxing place over here

and the reason why I stopped going was it was great. But they had too many guys in there that I would look at them and go, you're a fighter? Oh no, I'm a fighter man. Then why do you have this gear on? They had cologne on and the hair and they were really going to fucking knock your head off. I'm 50.

I'm just going in there to lose weight. I'm not going to knock nobody out. These guys are in there to knock you out. And you're like, I feel bad for you because you're actually going to go up to a fighter someday. And he's going to hit you with six shots to the fucking head.

You're beating up a 50 year old. And you're over there putting with a mouthpiece. But you're a part time fucking first grade teacher. I mean, you get a lot of those guys that do it. But that's the ego right there, man. That's the ego. They don't know. They've never been lit up.

They never give somebody a finger in a car. That's the quickest way to know if you're a tough guy. Give somebody a finger in a car and watch them come out of the car. And I saw it a thousand times. People get lit up by some guy who's having a fucking horrible day. And you think you're cute and you give him a fucking finger.

And this guy, getting lit up is scary. But at the same time, it does something to your heart. It tests you. You said it. It tests you, man. And this is anything. I always tell people, how many people go to college and get a degree in some fuck and come out

after three months are like, this ain't from me. You've never got a summer job doing it. I think before you become a fighter, you should go somewhere and get points in the head. Try to mug somebody. Go to a bar. Tell three black guys, call them a racial slur and see if this is for you.

Something, I mean, fighting is, you and I were talking at the pro team, shake about how many stars have to be aligned for a fight. When people see, oh, Lee got a TV show, how many stars have to be aligned? Johnny Hendricks beat, and I'm just using this, guys. Johnny Hendricks beats somebody in a fight. He's a great athlete.

He was a college wrestler. He came a long way. But all the stars have to align. Your kickboxing coach has to be on the same track as your wrestling coach, as your jujitsu coach, as your conditioning coach. There's always one guy that wants to take over or something, and that ruins it.

Now you have that doubt in your head going into a fight. People have no idea what goes into winning. People really have no idea what goes into fighting. They just watch you guys once every 60 days. And they're like, oh, this must be easy. They have no idea that you have to train three disciplines, plus the conditioning. Plus, God forbid you have a baby, and you can't sleep eight

hours, and there's so many things that go into a fight. It's not, you know, when I was a kid, and I see this guy get on stage and talk David Brenner or George Carlin, whatever his fucking name is, I thought that on the way there, he just wrote this shit in the car. Like, that's what I really thought, guys. Like, honest to God, before I got into stand-up,

I thought that you got a call, like at seven. What are you doing, man? Nothing. This is Joey at the comedy club. Come on down at 9.30, CBS is here. We got some cameras, and on the way down, that's what I fucking thought. So if that's what I fucking think about stand-up,

what is the common joke somewhere, that, you know, I thought that George Carlin on the way said, let me just write 45 minutes, and you went up there. And the first time, so the first time I went up there, I just talked, boy, you get a fucking, you learn quick. But that first experience lets you know whether you're gonna do this again, or you're not gonna do this again.

Some people do it for peer pressure, you know, your friends went to the fight, or you could do it, meanwhile they're like, dog, he's gonna get his ass kicked again, you know, or you do it because you have balls and you go, you know what, I wanna overcome this loss, I really wanna get into fighting, or, you know, like I said, when I got into stand-up,

I had no idea what went into stand-up. And I know most people don't. I, as I watched the UFC and I asked more questions, I have a blatant idea of what goes into fighting, and what goes into winning. It's two different worlds. What goes into fighting and what goes into winning is two different fucking categories.

And then what goes to winning a championship is a complete different fucking level. That's when you're, you know, think about that. You know, you could be a fighter, five and six, you retire, they put you in fucking the funny, what is it, the fat form, muscle protein, hall of fame, whatever, you know, but winning, fighting, and winning at a championship level

has to be very good to know. Even breaking the top 10, even breaking the top 10. You see Rhonda Rousey, she's whatever. How, what is she in the UFC, six and zero? Some are like that. Yeah, but when she's three and zero, she's still walking down the fucking thing with the twins, with the dude that trains Pacquiao,

with the, you know, champions never seem, now you have money as a champion. Hopefully if Nike lifts the rock and everybody, now you have money. You can take a flight whenever the fuck you want, and train with Pacquiao's fighter. You could go to Eddie Bravo. You could go to, you know, when you're a champ,

a lot of people say, well, I'm a champion, I'm just gonna fucking party now. No, you gotta work even harder now. Now your shit's gotta be even tighter, because now they're coming to take your fucking head off. And if it's not, you know, look at the, we'll look at the 155 division, when this kid got hurt last week,

how many people raised their hand? You got four people always looking to tell you fucking head off when you're the champion. You talking about the Connor? Yeah, when Connor, when he needed to fight last week, the 145, how many people lifted their fucking hand last week? Everybody, even fucking Chail Sonnen.

Even Chail Sonnen said, fuck it, I'm off the juice, I'm ready, I'll drop down to 145. It just really is weird how people's conception of fighters or acting or anything, to take it to that level, you have to be at a complete fucking, look at this fucking, when GSP was winning, where didn't that motherfucker go? He would go to England with the Gracie, the really good Jiu-Jitsu guy, the tall one,

what's his name, Haja? Yeah. The really tall guy, the real methodical guy, he gets everybody. Yeah, he sticks with it too, man. I mean, if he were to stand up and sticks with it, God. Who, Haja? Yeah.

Oh my God, you know, he's out of the UFC now. I know, but he could still stick with it, man. Listen, if I was Haja Gracie, I'd just Jiu-Jitsu motherfuckers the rest of my life. I love that guy. I love watching his Jiu-Jitsu league, because he don't do much. He doesn't do much.

He passes your guard, he hangs out for a little while, then he mounts you, then he plays, and he goes for that same choke. What's a choke? He gets the Ezekio or something. He gets the same choke every time, and you know it's coming. You could start withholding your collar,

and he's still gonna fucking get it. It don't matter, he takes his time, he puts his leg over you, and he passes your guard real simply, but the whole time he's grinding you the fuck out. He's grinding you out, man. It's very methodical, you know? I love that chess game.

I love the Jiu-Jitsu chess game, and I'm just starting to see it now. For the first two years, all I was doing was breathing on the bottom. That's it. I just went to Jiu-Jitsu to pull guard and let you beat me up. I just wanted to be on the bottom,

and learn to survive on the bottom, because I too went to lunch with Eddie Bravo about six years ago, and he was fucking higher than fuck one afternoon. We went to get barbecue, and he gave me a ferocious ear beating about the future of the UFC, that if you couldn't fight on your back,

you were gonna get killed in the future, because wrestlers don't like being on their back, so they're gonna always throw you on your back, and if you don't know how to attack, and I saw the back game develop in the UFC, after he said it to me, he didn't even tell nobody else, it was just me and him.

I was just a fat fuck stone. I didn't even wanna go to Jiu-Jitsu, and I just enjoyed seeing the different technical areas of Jiu-Jitsu. I knew that, I knew it was a chess game. This wasn't no physical game, Jiu-Jitsu. When you really see the high level guys, they're not even exerting themselves.

They're just throwing their arms around, it's like watching, I went to a fucking clinic, I went to a Higgin' Machado clinic, and Dan and Asanto were standing next to me, at the Higgin' Machado clinic. You know, bro, I had tears in my eyes for 20 minutes, but here I am, 250 fucking pounds, 340,

and I tried to do everything Dan did, because he was 70 years old. Lee, he's 70. If he could do it, I gotta do it. So when they did the neck rolls, I had to do it. Even if I felt my choking myself, I almost killed myself. He called me the other day, he goes, hey, can you do the back rolls?

I said, no, I didn't tell him why. I didn't tell you no, I just said no. Yeah, you just said no. I didn't tell you because I almost suicided myself. I almost robbing Williams myself in one of those fucking rolls. I almost broke my own fucking shoulder. But when I saw Dan and Asanto next to me,

are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, are you kidding me? I had to do everything he was doing, the Hegan fucking trap, I was doing everything just because Dan was next to me, you know? And I didn't even ask him that. I didn't even get to that part about asking him about Bruce Lee or G. Kundo.

I did an Arliss once with James Colburn. He was one of Bruce Lee's students. And I kind of picked his brand a little bit. And he started crying too. And once he started crying, I started crying, everybody was fucking crying. I had to smoke a joint just to come back in the misery. What's up, Lee Syat?

That 500 milligrams hitting you yet? Yeah, it's hitting me pretty hard. Good, good. What do you got planned for later? You got some pastrami at the house? What do you got? I don't know what I'm gonna have to eat today. You got pepperoni?

What do you got? I do have pepperoni. You got any Mexican food left over from the wife in the morning? No. How was the barbecue? Oh, it was great. Talk to me, how was it?

What did you eat? What did your mom cook at the park? She cooked shrimp. At the park. Yeah, at the park. Listen to this, the in-laws at the park. Shrimp kebabs, carne asada. They had the rice already, and then the guacamole.

And then carne asada, and then not linguisa, but it was like, I called you and asked you about it. It's like lingua coa, or it's like kind of like, what's the Mexican sausage? I have no idea. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like you have it with your eggs. Chorizo.

Yeah, it's kind of like chorizo. Good shit. So yeah, we had that. And then I thought of you, this dad came in like halfway with his like 10 year old son, and they were like, we got ice cream. Like three bucks of an ice cream cone. I was like, fuck yeah, but everyone ice cream.

And I was just like, of course they don't like make it. I could just see you doing it, just like if you had to, like selling ice cream. Well, selling ice cream, sure. Well, yeah. There's no shame in selling ice cream on the 4th of July, the people outside sweating their asses off.

He probably made a small 200. Oh my God. Yeah, he probably just made a small 200. He was selling it for three bucks each cone in the box. Even if you bought it at Ralph's, is six bucks for four. So he was making a ton of money. He was doubling his money. Okay, that's what Mexicans do.

That's American ingenuity. That's something this country has forgotten. Nobody wants to be embarrassed and sell ice cream at the 4th of July. Meanwhile, he's a positive buck, 50 in his bank account. He's got 50 for reefer. He's better than that fucking Mexican. You see what I'm saying?

Oh no. People are monsters though. Like people, you should have seen it. People, we got there like 11 a.m. and people were like roping off areas. They were tying off and saving parking spaces. They like, I've never seen people be like so selfish. It was just weird.

No class. But what are you gonna do? It's the 4th of July. They're saving, you know, they have no place to do it themselves. Listen, it was fun at the park. It's fun. It was fucking fun.

It was really cool. It's cool. You know, it wasn't that hot on the 4th of July. What'd you do for the 4th? It was the greatest drives I've ever had out here. It was like ghost town, you know. Yes, yes. It was easy.

Nothing, nothing. What would normally take me 45 minutes, I did in 15, 20 minutes. It was great. I trained. That's nice that you're doing like little part-time training camps here. Yeah, yeah.

This has to be, like if I was a fighter, this would have to be the ideal place. Like this would just be, I would go to Justin Fortunes for boxing. I would go to Higa Machado for Jiu-Jitsu. I would go up here and wrestle. There's some wrestling club up here that they have like some college

that goes up here and wrestles. And somebody from my Jiu-Jitsu school went there and he goes, they killed me the first 30. You know, there's no harder workout than wrestling. I was taking a locomotive breath. I used to play basketball and I could hear the wrestlers going up and down the stairs. And they would run up and down the stairs

to locomotive breath, frontward, backwards. You know, that fucking Tabachino guy, that was his name, Tabachino was the coach. He'd make them run those four flights a thousand fucking times. And they always said that. So the problem with the training camps here is that everything's so fucking far. So when they're sitting, you get tight all over again.

You know, everything's like so far apart. You know, unless like you had one for two hours. I like Justin, he fought, he fought, what's his name? He's a heavyweight fighter. He's Pacquiao's training conditioning coach. He was Pacquiao's original guy all those years. And then he opened up his own gym and him and Freddie fought. So now he's back with Pacquiao.

But I would go over there, that's a fucking, he's a savage, that dude. And he's Australian, he throws everybody out of that dog. I've seen him say some, whoa, shit, the people. And he could back it with a torn bicep. He's got one big one and one that's like my fucking, my little pinky toe, that's how his bicep. That's Sarah's got a torn bicep.

So fuck you up, Justin. Fuck you up, Justin Fortune. Go to Justin Fortune's gym, he's on Sunset Boulevard, between Cousin and a very sweet man. Go down there and you can go fuck around with him, boy. He has a Saturday class for like just Gentiles, where they come in and run with wheelbarrows and tires. You know, guys who sit on TV and they're like,

I could do this, fuck John Jones, you know what I'm saying? And he just breaks them right there. He just breaks them. He beats them up with that one good arm and it's all over. With the one good arm. With the one good arm, like my shop teacher, Mr. Panicucci, he lost the arm in Vietnam.

When that motherfucker would elbow you with that fucking dead Vietnam arm, oh my God, you would go flying through. You think I'm kidding you? He had it that he would poke you with this and the rib. For what? Like if you fucked with him. Yeah, that's right, right, for what?

But I went to school in the 80s, they still bitch slapped the motherfucking jersey. True, true. You know, he would poke you or he lost like from here down and he would poke you like a quonsu to the fucking, right, to his rib. Oh my God. And he would stick like his finger,

like his little stub from his elbow and he little rib there. Oh my God, that was painful. That's probably hitting that cartilage right in between. Yeah, oh my God. And he was knocked the fucking air out of you. Those little old guys with a missing hand. The fuck you up, like hon.

Remember when hon, remember when hon fought John Saxon? He fucked up Robert Kelly. Hon, the guy in the fucking island and then to the dragon, he only had one hand. He fucked up the black dude. I'm telling you right now. So then dog, you, what really impressed the fuck out of me is that your dream never stopped.

Perseverance, man. You went out of the UFC for a few years, maybe a year and a half or two. Three years? Four years. And you came right back like a soldier and started bit slapping motherfuckers. I didn't stop, man.

And you never, it's supposed to stop. That's why you're here, Ben Saunders. Cause I love that, you know, you went out and I still followed you. I asked Joe if he had seen you and shit. And then I know you called Eddie. Eddie said, you called him one day. He goes, you're not gonna believe you're calling me,

Ben Saunders. And I go, that's funny. Cause there's something to you like, Ben Saunders is like, call those condo in a lot of ways. You know, there's people who are fighters. I would hate to bump into Ben Saunders in the valley one night. When you're in a bad mood, because they ain't gonna end. You know what I'm saying?

There's people that it might not end if you're having a bad day. It might not ever end. Carlos Condit, it might not ever end. He might punch you to fucking death Carlos Condit. When he gets in his zone, look at him. His head even changes. His head gets pointy.

When he starts fighting, his whole head changes. It's amazing, man. Fighting is a, like I said, it's a fucking death thing. It ain't for me. You know what I'm saying? I got like two good punches and a side kick. Then I get in my car. That's all I got.

You're gonna have to go beat up that t-shirt guy now. You understand me? No, brought to you by Karova Edibles. We're gonna have to go down there and karate chop this fucking. No, I'm just talking about like Carlos Condit's head getting pointy. Oh my God.

No, people are getting crazy on Twitter. Why? Because like one guy was like, he was threading a lawsuit on me. The other guy ordered a bunch of pizzas. Fuck them. That's how we do it. You wanna fuck with Lisa?

Dude, these are fucking strong as shit. That's what they're supposed to do. 1,000 milligrams. Their taste is pretty good though. Now after you won, where'd you go? Bellator. Yeah. You went to Bellator and after you won,

did they contact you or you contacted them? From what UFC? To come back to the UFC. I fulfilled my contract with Bellator. I didn't wanna re-sign with them. My whole purpose of even going there. I didn't even think it was gonna take that long, man. But you know, you signed a contract,

you gotta fulfill it. So I did what I had to do. I grinded through my contract. Got done with my last one. Didn't wanna re-sign. They knew that I wanted to go back. That was really out of pride alone, man. I kinda promised myself when I got cut from the UFC,

I was like, I'm gonna do everything I can to get back here. That's my goal in life. If I don't make it back there, it doesn't matter how good I could do at Bellator. If I don't make it back, then basically I lie to myself. I committed to something and if I don't accomplish that, doesn't matter how good I am or what I do, I just, it felt like a loss to me.

And I was actually supposed to fight Matt Riddle for the Titan FC welterweight title. He, I don't know if he broke his ankle. He did something to his ankle like two, three weeks before the fight and at the same time, like I read on, I always go on underground, UG, bloody elbow, MMA mania, you name it, MMA junkie I saw. Someone got injured on,

where the hell did I fight? Whatever I got through him a plot, I forget where it was, but um. It was in Tulsa. There we go. Tulsa, Oklahoma. Yeah, I watched the fight last night. I just started jiu-jitsu and it's pretty crazy.

Like the coolest thing for me was doing something on class and then the guy I was wrestling jiu-jitsu with did it to me. I was like, whoa. So when I watched you do the Oma plot, I was like, how many hours did you spend just doing that? Many. It just seemed like it just rolled right into it. Because it blew my mind when someone did the move

we were doing in class. I was like, whoa. Like it actually, cause it's a lot different just working through the move. When you train it, drill it, but then getting it in a practical situation in a live situation is a totally different experience. But no, I mean, the Oma plot is just one of my go-tos.

I was playing with it a lot, even when I was out in Bellator. I mean, when I got let go from the UFC it was pretty much like, hey, you know, at the time the UFC is overrun with really high caliber wrestlers and you either gotta step your jiu-jitsu game up, you gotta step your takedown defense up or something. My striking was always good.

And that was never the issue that Joe Silva said I needed to work on and I completely agreed. Cause at the end of the day, man, I'm a martial artist. I'm gonna learn till I die. I'm gonna keep evolving. You gotta evolve or it's gonna pass you by. There's always new things that come into play and whether you use it or not,

you need to have it in your brain, in your arsenal so you can at least defend against it. Or if you're coaching, you can see it happening. So you can coach your person against it and all that stuff. But the way I got back in the UFC was pretty much, I was supposed to fight for the welterweight title against Matt Riddle.

He got injured. I saw MMA junkie. Someone got injured in my weight class for the Tulsa show and I immediately text Joe Silva and was like, yo, what's up, Joe? You know, I read you might need a replacement and he was like, go, you know, go fight, you know, Matt Riddle first and we'll talk after.

And I was like, well, unfortunately, you know, he's injured and you know, it was supposed to be a five round fight. No one wanted to take the fight on short notice, two, three weeks notice against me. And you know, I feel everybody on that too. Cause you're dealing with a weight cut. You're dealing with a lot of rounds of cardio

and I'm not the, you know, easiest person to take a match up like that, you know? Cause if I'm not putting you away with a submission, there's a good chance that I'm trying to obliterate your face and body. So, you know, there's a lot of pain that could potentially be there. And Joe Silva, I told him the situation

and he ended up the next morning. I wake up and he's like, if you can talk to Titan FC and they're cool with you coming over, let's do it. And I was like, oh, shit. Fuck yeah. Like it right there. I was just like, now I gotta get,

and now I gotta, I gotta see if I can work this out with Titan and Titan was cool as fuck. As people can see now Titans about to be on fight pass, UFC fight pass, they, they work to deal out with the UFC. So their shows are going to be live on there. And yeah, man, they let me go. Joe Silva called me up and, or Joe Silva set me up and we signed a contract.

And just like that, man, I was back in the game. It was, it was crazy. It was absolutely nuts. And what's crazier even more so is when you brought up fear and then you brought up your street fighting situations. I would have to say that for sure. I'm not a bully. I was like the anti-bully.

Like you ain't gonna fuck with me, my friends, my brother or anybody. Like you jock motherfuckers. Like those motherfuckers, not all of them, but there's a lot of jocks that are fucking bullies, man. And they think picking on the week is either fun or they have this crazy psychological thought process of, well, I'm making them stronger for later in life.

And I don't see it. I don't see that because, you know, then you get the people that either just dwindle away and think they're nothing or, man, sometimes they snap, right? They snap and we've seen some other crazy things that I won't even mention on the show, but yeah. Because I'm stoned.

Yeah. I only bullied one time, two times. And when I say bully, it's not like I went up to somebody and mad dogged them. When I say bully is that I struck them, but I struck them in a phallonious way. That's funny. One time I kicked the bum.

One time we were mugging them, and you got to kick those motherfuckers. I kicked them in the leg. I can never kick nobody in the head or not. But then one time I went to Rob Freddy when we did the gas station and he kept telling me, if you rob me, you got to make it seem like, you know, I got robbed.

You got to tie me up and shit. And he was my, it's like when I go to Jiu-Jitsu and I'm in side control. Listen, I look at myself in the mirror every day. I'm a fat fuck. I don't want me on me. So when I'm in side control, a lot of guys are like, Joey, you know, grab the fucking side on,

put your shoulder into my jaw. I don't like doing that to people. That's a bully. You know what I'm saying? Just me being on top of you, that's good enough for me. You could figure it out. You're a fucking brown belt. You know how to get me off you.

You know what I'm saying? I'm a white belt, figure it out. So that's the only two times I really went out of my way to bully somebody. And I felt, to this day, every time I think of robbing Freddy, like I robbed him like eight times in a year at the gas station. But I always brought somebody else to kick him

because I liked Freddy. I found no satisfaction in kicking Freddy. And it was no, you know what I'm saying? Freddy was a sweetheart that was half retarded. It wasn't his fault. You know, life just dealt him a fucked up doctor card. He was a gas station attendant. He've had a fat, fat wife.

But he was a sweetheart. He did anything for me. Now he just wanted to do an eight ball. So for him to do an eight ball, I had to rob him and give him a kick back. And it was so bad that, you know, time like I kicked him in the chest and he's like, hard it, you know, I'm like,

I can't kick you harder, Freddy. I didn't know even though if there were cameras out in those days. Did you say that under his breath? Like, hard it. Yeah, I felt bad. So I always had to give somebody 200 just because I felt guilty kicking Freddy.

I think about that. When I found, when I rewrote that, like I was just writing about things I used to do. And I even narrowed it. Like I had to think about things I did with certain people. And I hung out with this kid, DeeDee, for two or three years. And we used to do some crazy, we were kids, 16, 15,

like our big thing was to take two Kway Ludes and drink a bottle of vodka. Like we'd fucking down a bottle of Poupa vodka a piece. When we were 16, that's when I was in an alcoholic. Like I don't even like booze, tell you I don't even drink. I drink a shot of fucking Jäger something from the comedy club, but I can't even see myself drinking a bottle of Walshman anymore.

Like even close, like I can't even, I haven't drank vodka, orange juice. It's gotta be 25 years since I've had a vodka and fucking orange juice. But we were 16 in the winter time. You know, you grew up on the East coast in the winter time. You gotta get jizzed up every night when you're outside. An eight pack of beer.

I remember robbing a beer truck one time. No, we robbed Albertsons and we took a fucking gallon of cooking wine, the red shit. And we drank it at the park. That's the worst headache you'll ever fucking get. I don't think you're supposed to drink that one. I know, I never drank wine again. Like I taste sips of wine.

If I say I've taken three sips of wine since I was 17, that's a lot. I don't like wine, I don't like it around me. That's why they killed Jesus. He had wine that night. You're supposed to have wine. That's when they always kill you. Castellano was drinking wine.

He got shot. I don't fucking know what I'm talking about. That brownie fucked me up too, Lee. Oh, little Tony Bennett. Break things up here. Oh my goodness. What's, oh my goodness. This brownie, I'm like,

you're not going to the Jiu-Jitsu Club? It's Monday. Yeah, eight o'clock. Just leave, we're waiting for you. You kidding me? I'll fucking panic attack if I went to the Jiu-Jitsu Club. How many times have you done it? What?

Jiu-Jitsu. Two years. Two years. Two years. Straight or just two years off and on? Two years straight. I had knee surgery, but I took off from August 24th, like the second week of October.

The second week of October, I was back at Higgins, and he had me doing little things. I didn't start rolling again until probably the beginning of December. But at that time, Higgins took the month off, so I was just rolling one of his brown belts. And I really, really got inside.

I went on Jiu-Jitsu.com, where you write the technique you learned and when you go to class and taps, and you write so many little things. And ever since I started doing the complete thing. The track of everything. Yeah, it was new to me. I didn't wrestle in high school.

I don't know nothing. But you know what, man? I went from 4'18, fight 270, and I just hit the bag with a bag. That's why I used to go to Justin's and Nakafoli's down there. If you ever watch Friday Night Fights, when that dude that does Friday Night Fights,

when he goes to, there's a part of the boxing thing where he breaks down a fight, he used to be Tyson's trainer. You know what I'm talking about? He used to be Tyson's trainer, not the old guy, the guy that replaced, but he was Tyson's trainer.

Fucking really cool guy. I met him, he was, they were trying to put him on a spike show. So we're trying to look for co-hosts and I had to go down there to a meeting and I met with them. They never did the show, so. Custom or?

No. Teddy Atlas? Teddy Atlas. Teddy Atlas is a really, really technical box. He's the one who had Tyson all those years. No points, son. He's a bad motherfucker. That's what the edibles do to him.

He gets better. And whatever he teaches boxing. You're just boxing. You're just fucking around. Whenever he teaches boxing on Friday night fights, on ESPN, he always goes, he always talk about your strengths and your weaknesses and Lee's strengths and his weaknesses

and what you have to do to beat him. And what he has to do to beat you and at one time in that breakdown, he'll say one thing I like about Ben Saunders is how he throws the double jab and steps back. And then he throws the wild right. He goes, that's something Nacophola would do. Nacopholis, who's at Justin Fortune's.

He's like 70. He's a boxing dude from Boston. Real fucking crazy. Used to collect for the mob. He's fucking nuts. But he's still a badass motherfucker. He's still down there taking mitts with the big black, James Tony.

James Tony's down there hitting the mitt. So they got some sass. Please stop in there. You're gonna like that. You're gonna like Nacopholis. And he likes that because a lot of him, like Fabriceau was going there. Three years ago, Fabriceau was going there.

And I remember Justin saying to me that that dude ever gets his hands going. He's unstoppable because they were doing jiu-jitsu in there. And I know Justin didn't know anything about jiu-jitsu. But he's like, he's jiu-jitsu with everybody, you know? He's jiu-jitsu with everybody. Because he's from Australia, you know? So he's jiu-jitsu with everybody, you know?

He just takes that knick and he pulls it back in. He goes, he took my balloon. He goes, the other crazy Brazilian was there. My balloon, he took my balloon. He spun him around like nothing. So that's how I know, you know, Justin is good with that shit. And he's right.

He goes, if Fabriceau ever gets his hands going, he's gonna be a chairman. He said that fucking four years ago. What's up, Lee Syed, stone to the gazils? Yeah, I went like this to the Infected Mushroom concert on Thursday. That's right. You fucking, you were a periscope. I jumped up and down.

You were a bad dude, dawg. That was really fun. I know, you were periscoping, jumping up, and you took a star of debt. Hell yeah, how could you? It was so cool, like the lights were really cool. And then last night for the fireworks, I had, like his fireworks, they're the same every year.

So I was like, okay, let me see what this is. Like, it was so much better. Did you have any fireworks yourself? When you went to Bowl Park, that ice cream dad didn't sell you a pack of fucking fireworks. Oh no, Jesus Christ. You couldn't buy some bottle rockets? No, I don't, they're illegal in mass too.

So I've never like had fireworks. What the fuck is wrong with these people? You have fireworks growing up? Eh, yeah. What kind of? Not like my dad was like, yeah, let's bring out the big guns. Like I said, we didn't have money. So I would really, I would go to my best friend's house

and his family would have some shit to blow up. I would like the M80s and stuff, you know? Flailing stuff's cool, but I like to try to, you know, let's just put the M80s and various different objects and see how powerful they are. A fucking wall, oh my God, I used to do some. When I first moved to New York from Cuba, I lived on the M80s nicely, when I was at the M80 A Street,

the cops would come around and come out of the car and they would show you pictures of your hand if you played with firecrackers and shit. Did you guys see what the, did he did? That dude in Boston, he little firecracked on his head and his head blew up. He died instantly. Wait, what?

Some fucking blow. This happened yesterday? The fourth, yeah. This dude fucking was like, hey, it'll be fun if I light a firework off of my head and then it instantly wasn't fun, because he died. It just blew up his head. What kind of firework?

I don't know. I could do some research, though. I never forget that he used to sell faces. They got that on video? I hope not. I hope so. I hope you had a good friend that paid that shit, right? That's how faces are.

Fuck yeah, there's always a good friend. Hold on, hold on. Let me get it on the iPhone. We'll tweet this shit. Bam, that motherfuckers head blew up. Now, there used to be a guy that used to come around and sell us a mat. Were the ones that were all connected

that you could light at one shot. A mat. You could buy a fucking mat. In those days for like 20 bucks, a mat. And then you got a gross that came in a package with Chinese wrapping out like a brick. That's when you were a badass. That's when you went to Chinatown

and you were a fucking badass. Then you bought the cherry bombs that were circular and then there were smoke bombs that were circular. Sparklers, they didn't count. You bitch hand motherfuckers who had sparklers. Yeah, that's the only thing I've ever had. Then you had the tanks with the M80. That's why I lived on 88 Street.

And then there were kids that would break the stick off the bottle rocket and you lit them and you called those nigger chases. Fucking hysterical, hysterical. Why do you call them that? Because they just go crazy. They would chase black people. Fucking crazy.

I don't know. I didn't invent that leak. I'm just informing the country of what they used to call them in New York City in those days. You'd have to ask like, hey, where'd you come up with the name? Why would I? I didn't want to question it. I had black friends.

I don't know. I didn't say nothing. That's what they fucking called them. Even black people called them nigger chases. No, I heard it too. Nigger chases when we were kids. So they called them. What the fuck?

Isn't that a commercial? What? It's a name everybody knows. Imagine it. But that was the name of the street was. You took the bottle. But they wouldn't sell them like that. So it's not like the package was.

You cut the stick off from a little bit and that's what it became. I'm not gonna fucking say it again. I told you three times the shit. You're going on my emotions. So you were talking about fear before. Why was it interesting to you? I'm sorry.

No, because when you brought it up, man, like I wasn't a bully and I didn't look for fights. But I would fight like I was a scrappy kid. Whether it was to stick up for my friends or someone wanted to try to bully me. And it wasn't going down. I was in some street fights and I would have to say those were probably the most obviously

I'd never fought before that. So those were the scariest moments of my time. And I remember really, really in particular after my first like legit street fight, which ended up getting broken up by, I don't know, like a guy that lived in the neighborhood came out and he was like, hey, you kid, get out of here, blah, blah, blah.

But I remember my cardio was like, oh my God, this is a whole different factor. And just the adrenaline dump of here. Oh my God, this is real. The heart rate's up, physical damage is real and whatnot. I remember being like, how the hell am I going to get past this, you know? Like, because it was absolutely insane.

I've never experienced anything like that. The fear and the adrenaline and the heart rate and everything involved was too crazy. And it was Bruce Lee, Tao Ji Kundo. He has a spot in the book. If I'm not mistaken, it's under Attitude. And he talks about it and he says, I believe it was like,

when you start anticipating combat or the fight and you start feeling the biggest thing, butterflies. You know, like sometimes it's just reaction. If a street fight happens, it happens. But sometimes if there is a little verbal communication leading up to the fight, you're starting to already feel the butterflies or you got that bullshit. I'll see you after fucking school, bitch.

You know, and then you're like, it might be churning for the next couple of periods or classes leading into, oh, okay, after school, it's fucking going down. You know, you're fucking waiting on it. And I was like, how the fuck do you deal with this? And he was like, when you feel the butterflies in your stomach and you feel nauseous

or the anticipation of the combat that is about to go down, don't panic from it, don't be scared of it, embrace it. It's a good thing. It's your body preparing for competition, battle, you name it, and it rises, it helps your body raise its senses so you're more on point when the actual altercation goes down.

And ever since that moment reading that, if I ever feel it, it would bring a smile to my face and I'd be like, yes, it's now. This is the moment that he's speaking of, I'm ready. And you just fucking go with it. How long have you been fighting? As in pro? Yeah.

2004. How many years before that? As in what, street fights? Training. Oh, amateur. 2000, no, 1996 or seven, maybe? So 18 years, I don't know, let's just call it 17 years. You've been experiencing getting hit, reactions,

learning shit, walking into knees. I see you have a little thing on your eye, walking into knees, walking into elbows. This is how you learn, this is how you learn to put that hand up. This is what I tell you in the third round, keep it, I told you, I told you, y'all, I'm as tired, so is everybody, glue it to your fucking temple.

If you don't feel it, it's not there. It's not there, so I've been doing comedy 24 fucking years. God knows before that, I went to prison, I was comic on my corner, I was always cracking jokes, I was always a circle, you gotta be the funniest, even gotta word in. You know, Friday night, man, it's a set like any other set. This last Friday, I didn't tell him till yesterday.

It was a set like any other set, right? Ben, I've been doing comedy, if I'm a fighter, if I'm working, I'm fighting, but if I'm not fighting, I still go out three, four nights a week. I still go out and do three sets, four sets for the week. That's my goal. That's your spark, pretty much, right? And I go to the comedy store.

You gotta follow Chris Delia, you gotta follow Rogue, and you know, that's the wolf, Sebastian. You don't know who the fuck you're following, Donnie Neil Brennan, Sarah Silvan, and so. I go down there last Thursday night for the storytelling show, and I forget that I can't go up first and throw heat at him. They're not settled for that type of,

I opened up with, like, I opened up with the story about my buddy killing himself with the ice cream cone. He bought the Sunday, Steve Banchini, I told him in Vegas, he went to Carvel, this guy was always one of those dudes that, you know, he was kind of disturbed. You knew he was fucked up, because he'd always be quoting like devil worship about music and shit. You know, you'd be having a conversation,

rolling thunder, power and rain, you know, you're like, all right, you know, it's just Steve, you know what I'm saying? But one day this motherfucker went to Carvel, bought like a little Sunday, went to Suicide Bridge, ate the Sunday, put the cup down, took his glasses off, and jumped off the bridge, like nothing happened, no note, no nothing.

You know, people were like, well, what happened? What thing happened? He ran out of fucking, you know, he said fuck it, right? I told that story, they just stared at me, though. They just stared at me, so I had nowhere to go. So my main story died. I had a second story, but thank God, I was in the bathroom one night snorting blow with a chick

that was just tried to kill herself, and she just got a looney bin, and I asked her how she got out, and as she did the line of coke, she looked at me, she goes, they let me out, I ain't crazy, and I fucking never forgot that. That it was a gram, I did a little bit, and she did the whole fucking restroom,

and said I ain't crazy. So I told that story, and that got him, but nothing else, I was dying. And then I had to go in the main room and follow Chris D'Elia, and I just died, Lee. I just died, so I came home and I'm like, you know what? I don't want to fuck to go down there on Friday. I just died too nice.

Let's just write it off for the weekend, let me write some new jokes. But you said that that morning. But you know us, bro. I'm gonna stay hit. I got hit last night. In my world, in my comedy world, this is how, in every aspect of my world,

I went down there and got beat up last night. They're talking, right now they're talking. Joey got beat up, is he gonna come down, he's an old guy, fucked you. I got down there at 11 o'clock, dog. And I ate a brownie, but I ate the little one. I opened it up, I got eight in the morning, and I ate the one half, which is 70 milligrams.

And then I ate the other one as I was leaving. I go, oh, that's right, the brown, I can't leave it there. What if the ants, I said, fuck it, boom. I ate that motherfucker, got gas, and I shot down to Hollywood. I got there, everybody was there, so I had to wait. Sometimes you get to the comedy store and nobody's there, so they put you right up and you go home.

No, I had to wait, so I went into the back room and I was just talking to some people, and all of a sudden an hour flew and some guy came and got me, Jeff, and he goes, Joey, you're up in five. I went back there, and Ben, it was like, I've been watching the Sopranos with this fucking lunatic lately, just revisiting it, going over it.

Yeah, I gotta re-watch him, man. And he gets those panic attacks, you know? Now I get anxiety for like, listen, I eat edibles all day long, so I get like three anxiety attacks every day for like a minute, but I just breathe through them. I'm already know how to do them, you know? When you eat 500 milligrams or something,

it hits your heart at first. I just had one, because I thought the cops were coming because I was going to do it again. And the cops, I heard the sirens going, then I heard the door open. I was like, I work on a jail. Nah, you ain't going to jail. Uncle Joey's here, Ben Saunders is here,

nobody's going to jail. We got the back window. We'll destroy you out that window. I've done it a thousand times. Where's your warrant? So Ben Saunders, I walk up the stairs, and something happened, a waitress just come down, and I moved to one leg, and I held my breath.

And when I got to the stop top of the stairs, I wasn't winded. I just went to catch my breath, and all of a sudden fucking anxiety set, and I looked at Megan Muneo, what's her name? I don't know. Whatever her name was, the writer girl. And I saw, it was sold out, and I saw Paulie Shaw,

and I got overwhelmed, and I looked, and there was one chair right there, like God was in the room with me. This is Friday night, I sat down. Now this is a room door, but I've been going to since 1997. This is my, this is it. This is my back end.

This is my training facility. This is his past Friday night. Yeah, this is the place where I cut my teeth. This is, I know every nook on that stage. I know what to say this way. I know what to say that way. I know who's watching in the back. I know this room.

This is my fucking room in life. Guys, it just fucking blew me away. Now I'm sitting there, and I get up, and I turn around to look down the stairs to get air, to get fresh air, and oh my God. Now I'm going into the mode where I see blood. Like if I give blood, I turn around, I put a light pot on, I look the other way.

But for some reason, if I feel the needle prick, that's it, my mind takes it from there. Do you understand me? This is a mind game. Your mind fucks with you from time to time. He has a good time too. You know, just cause we smoke pot and drink alcohol, and he's up there recuperating,

losing all his happiness. He not wants to have a good time. So the mind, with me in my case, just takes it to a different level, Ben Saunders. And also I just start seeing spots, and if I don't breathe, I'll fucking faint. If I breathe it out, I'm okay.

Then I'll go into a cold sweat, then they'll give me some water. Then I'll lay there for like five or six minutes, and I'll be fine. This was where I was going, guys. I was going right to the beginning. She's closing up. The light's on it.

Ben Saunders, I can't tap out now. I got maybe a two minutes to recover. Maybe. If she fucks around, maybe. I got two minutes to recover. I'm looking at the light. The light's what's saving me from not fainting. I'm breathing.

I'm breathing, I'm breathing. I finally say, fucking, I ain't gonna have time to go down the stairs recovering, come back up. I'm gonna stay right here and breathe this out. So I got close to the wall, and I just started breathing into the wall. And some motherfucker comes up to me and goes, hey, Joey, and he hits my side.

And I go, what's happening, dog? And I'm dying. And I can hear him, like, ready to start talking. And I just don't even look at the motherfucker. I just look at the wall, and I'm breathing, I'm breathing. And all of a sudden, another guy comes out of the corner and goes, hey, Joey, you know me from this place. How are you doing?

He goes, where's the Agostino at? And I look at him, and I go, do I look like I know what to fuck the Agostino's at? And right away, the piano player's walking up the stairs. And he goes, hey, big boy, you ready to go up? He's a gay guy. I love him to death. I grab him, I go, Jeff, go up to Paulie's show

and tell him he's gotta go up next. I can't go up, I'm having an anxiety attack. And I start breathing, and I'm breathing. Yeah, I see him talking to Paulie's show, and then he comes back and he goes, well, did you ask Paulie if he even wants to go up? I go, tell him I'm having a fucking anxiety attack, and he's the closest one to the fucking stage.

This is going down. I'm gonna faint any fucking minute now. I could feel the cold sweat. I could feel that drip going down my neck like it was, I was dehydrating, thank God I had water. I had a little bit of water. I went right into shock. And from getting mad at Jeff and Paulie's show,

like I'm from the school, if you come up to me and go, dog, go, I'm going. I'm not gonna ask you why or how many minutes. I'm gonna fucking go. That's it, go, we'll figure it out later. Something's going on with this fucking guy. Not these two lunatics. They start asking me questions and shaking me down.

I could see if it was Lee, but this is Paulie Shaw. His mother owns the fucking comedy club, Ben. And Ben, I, all of a sudden looking at the wall, I got so mad at those motherfuckers for asking so many questions. It snapped out of the anxiety attack. Now it was a fucking caged animal, Ben. I went up to Paulie Shaw, I grabbed him,

and I grabbed Jeff, I go, fine, I'm gonna go up. And right there she goes, Joey Diaz. Guys, may God be my witness, or tomorrow call in to fucking punch drunk sports as Sam Tripoli. It was, and you know, you never hear me talking like this. It was the center of my life. I yelled for 15, so it was like,

I was so scared to go down and bomb again. Like it was so much pressure on me. Like I just zoned in and I didn't realize where I was for the 15 minute mark. So I was talking about the Mexican ice cream truck and how they ring the bell two in the morning. I'm gonna go home and, and then I go, oh my God, I'm like,

and also the light came on. And I'm like, oh my God, I made it through this shit. And I closed and I got the fuck out of that dog. And Paulie Shaw came up to me, he goes, you need to get more anxiety attacks more often. Cause I fucking slaughtered it, it was just a fear. I haven't had that without seeing blood in years. Then I went home and it hit me this morning.

Whenever I used to cut myself and I used to faint. When I first moved to the valley, I had two mishaps in that place. I bent over one day to get shoes and my wife put clothes over this rack and I cut my head open. I saw the blood and I'm like, ah, and I ran to the living room

and I put the air conditioner on, I took my shirt off. And also I used to have this cat that would jump on me. This cat, this cat, this cat would jump on me. And I love this cat so much, I've been sawing this anybody else with a squeeze in this cat's head. Because here you are ready to faint.

The fucking beads are sweating all of a sudden out of nowhere. I'd be with my eyes closed, just breathing. And all of a sudden, nowhere, something would grab the land on my chest and his claws are going to my, and I look at him like, Finny, you mother fucker. And I love them so much.

If I didn't love Finny so much, I'll tell you right now on the show, I just want to squish this fucking head one. But I loved him so much. But for me, getting that pain from his claws, I was like, Finny, you're a fucking genius. Another time, I fucking cut myself, shaving the shower,

like I do every fucking week, I cut myself in the shower. But this one time, the water hit it, and the blood dripped on my chest, and dog, my mind just ran away with me. And I had to get out of the shower wet and everything. I fell on the way out, and also I ran to the couch, put the air on,

and that motherfucker jumped on me again, like a week late. I was gonna kill, you motherfucker, I got no shirt on. But I loved that motherfucker, he's dead now, he's all right. What's he gonna do? Oh, that's a shame. I love that. He's gonna say he knows at this point, right? Yeah, he knew, he knew whenever I was all fucked up.

So he would jump on me and put his claws on me, so I would take my mind off fate, and I never. Does blood usually do that to you? Who? Your own blood? Oh my God. When I watched, when BJ Penn fought Joe Daddy Stevens, he cracked his fucking skull, okay?

And I fainted at my house. I went out on my own couch. I went to see the ultimate fighter one time, with Ralphie May, Joe gave us all tickets a bunch of comedians when Vegas. I'm sitting next to Ralphie May, and in between rounds, he busted the guys, I don't remember the fight, I'm sorry.

He busted the guy's eye, and they had the towel on his eye. So it was right there. I mean, it was 10 feet away from where I was sitting. I was in the second row, and I saw the guy throw the towel, and it was just red, dog, and I just saw the red towel. I couldn't even imagine. My heart went into, and I fainted sitting there, and I fainted on some chick, and the boy,

she was wet, was a doctor. She had big tits, I fainted on the tits, and they were like, are you okay? And they gave me water, and the doctor's like, fine, what happened? I go, I can't see blood in that guy's towel. He goes, oh, that towel made me sick, too. Some people got it, so I fainted twice at the fight.

I fainted at Pulp Fiction. Really? Yeah, when he sticks the needle in there. First time, I fucking went down. I haven't fainted this last two, yeah, this last time, I had to do two days in a row, so when I went to get blood in the faint, but when I went for the heart thing,

they fucking put ink in my heart, and that made me fucking all fucked up. Makes you break out into the sweats, but you know, the breathing is the help. When I was younger, I didn't know anything about the breathing, so I'd go out. But now, you just keep breathing a certain way, and you get your recovery, and after a while,

you're like, what the fuck happened, you know? Yeah, it's almost a meditation. And when I first started jujitsu, I used to have the panics on the bottom. I tapped for a long time, and I said, I got discouraged. Was it like claustrophobic? Yes, it was very claustrophobic, and as soon as I would hold my breath.

And then you're on me, and that's it. Oh my God, and I would eat edibles, or smoke dope. I'd listen to any Bravo, and I'd go to fucking jujitsu up here in the valley with the ghee, and it's Monday nights at eight o'clock, so the guy puts you through a half hour, it's called Marcello Madness, where you do 10,000 sit-ups,

and they make you do everything to tie you out, so when he teaches you the technique, he wants you to do the technique while you tie it. So at eight 30 starts the portion part of the class, where he teaches the class till about nine 15, you drill it, and then you spark till 10 o'clock. I couldn't fuck, bro, I almost fainted four times. The ghee, the t-shirt, I wouldn't even wear a rash guard.

I got a rash guard one time, I put it on, I almost tapped myself out of my house. My wife wasn't home, I would've downed mine one more time. That shit was tighter than fuck, I couldn't get it off, I was panicking. So forget the rash guard, I get a t-shirt from mom. I sponsored meundies, meundies has a nice fucking blue long sleeve thin rash guard type deal, that's nice.

It's a little loose, it gives me a little air. I like my titties to breathe. I don't need that shit fucking choking me up on my own, but you know what, man? I'm like you, I got so scared to go on to jujitsu that the fear made me go to jujitsu. And I just pulled guard, and I tapped, and I flew to Vegas with big John McCarthy,

and we were talking on the plane about it, he goes, I had a guy years ago that would come in and tap and turn purple and run out of the building. And he came one day, and he goes, I'm not gonna come no more, I just, and he goes, why? He goes, just keep coming, please keep coming. He goes, just don't roll, just do the technique,

keep doing the technique. And he goes, the guy kept coming, okay. He goes, he is later now, the guy's one of my top brown belts. He teaches the kids classes. He goes, just keep coming, just keep coming. And now it's okay, now I can live with it. You know, now I can live in a couple of escapes,

and now at least I can lose, I know what I'm doing on the bottom. I just pick them up a little bit and put my knee under there, something. But at first, man, I would fucking kiss the cats before I went to jujitsu, I wouldn't make my will out. I would get fucking panic attacks. And that's why I stopped with the reefer,

you know, before I go to jujitsu, that's why I go to the 11 o'clock class. That's why, I need to go to the early, I can't make it up to the eight o'clock. That's never gonna happen. I am not gonna not smoke dope til eight o'clock. I can't do it. 11, you got me, because I could smoke like a seven.

And by the time I get to jujitsu, it's already worn out, but I already got my Wii for what I needed. To write a little bit, drink some coffee, get the morning started, you know what I'm saying? Look at Ben Saundersley going like, what the fuck, Joey? There's no way, why are we talking about this, Joey?

In my head, I'm thinking, I almost feel like my favorite word is perseverance, because I don't even care what you do in life, man. Like what your thing is, you're a comedian, you work in a cubicle, whatever it is, man. I mean, dealing with trials and tribulations and overcoming it is one of the hardest things anybody can ever do,

but it's also the most satisfaction you could ever experience in your life. Did any part of you, when you were in Bellator, for four years, consider like just retiring? Like four years would be a long time to be like that frustrated with where you were. Yeah, man, I almost went to kickboxing and jits, you know? Politics, man, you know?

Things that I won't get into. Dark things that make you think negatively on many, many factors. It's not what I signed up for, man. I try to live a very positive life. I like to smile a lot. I love to laugh. I love comedians, man.

You guys are a great thing in this world, you know? So definitely don't stop that. But yeah, there is definitely, I think there is just, it was really just maybe like three people, but there were like three top people in my situation that caused just absolute nonsense, drama, stuff. I didn't really sign up for to the point where it was like,

well, I could just say, fuck you and go do my own thing over here, man. I would love to do glory kickboxing, you know? Lion fights, Abu Dhabi, EBI, you name it, man. Like I have other, I'm just a martial artist. You know, I chose this path. I definitely didn't sign up to have anybody control what my destiny in my life is.

And you know, I never signed up to stay with Bellator for the rest of my career. And if that was my choice, that's my motherfucking choice to make, not theirs. And but once again, the people that were involved in what made things kind of depressing and dark for me, no longer work there. So, you know, and considering where I am now in my life,

I'm very happy I didn't give up. I'm very happy I just did what I had to do, man, push through, do what's necessary and you know. Not other than that those people go away. Listen, here's the beauty of it that some people choose the unorthodox way to make a living. And just doing that is tough enough. You know, we're built into a thing into our mind

that we have to do a certain thing, get a pension and get a home, build a family. Some motherfuckers wake up one day and say, you know what, I like to fucking the thing of fighting twice a year and picking up a nice little payday, getting a couple fucking sponsors, maybe laying a fucking bet now,

maybe crashing a bookie house, whatever the fuck we gotta do and living my life and training and taking care of my family or taking care of myself and just choosing that. But then you always have people that didn't even go that struggle. They tried it for a couple of years and got out of it for whatever excuse they give you

and now they're in a controlled position. And this, listen, man, what makes the world go around is that we all don't get along. Can you imagine if we all got together and sang Beatles songs every fucking day in Hell's Hands and we went to 7-Eleven with the fucking with whatever, you know, and everybody jumped up and down. Freedom of speech.

No, man, so some people aren't gonna like you and here you are working hard at your dream and there's always this one motherfucker that just don't dig it. And sometimes you go head to head with that person, you confront that person, which you make it worse now. Now you give that motherfucker more control. And it's funny that talent always overrides that.

Somewhere along the line, you'll find something there's a bandaid to cure it and one day this guy will be gone and there you are. There you are in a position to save them. You know, at one time you couldn't, and now you learned about life. You learned that maybe you were ready, but you weren't ready. And this guy that was fucking with you,

he's selling real estate somewhere in Kentucky. He doesn't even matter. He doesn't even matter in life anymore. And here you are fighting, you have a family, you're fighting on national terms. Give a think of that, bro, you're in the UFC. No, I'm sorry. It still blows my mind.

Let's get down to the fucking, you know, you're in the UFC, okay? You're in the UFC, you're a UFC fighter. There's kids leaving right now with job. It's 10 to five right now, there's guys leaving a job, somewhere digging a trench, going to some fucking gym to get beat up with a dream to fight in the UFC. And there you are, you know?

I never forget where I came from, man. If it ever sways away where I'm like ever thinking negative about what I've accomplished or where I am in my life, it just takes a split second for me to remember working at McDonald's, working at Burger King, working real shit jobs. I was a hardwood stair carpenter waking up at 3 a.m. to be there at 6 a.m. to work the most rugged,

hardcore destroying all my joints in my body to then leave there at 2.30 p.m. to go train and stay at my gym from 4.30 to I think 8.30 at night to go home, hopefully pass out by 11 and do that again, all over again, all over again. And that was probably the most physically and mentally just really miserable time because it was just, I'm killing my body.

My body is necessary for me to succeed in the goal of where I wanna go, but this job's fucking deteriorating. I'm feeling arthritis and my wrists and my hands. These are supposed to be your babies, you know? Boxers, they talk all day long. You need to protect your hands, man. Without your hands, what good are they, you know?

And thank God, you know, eventually I ended up getting like a barbacking job. I got to work more nights. I worked around my schedule. Bar industry definitely was a perfect industry for me. I didn't need to drink. I didn't like to drink, but those motherfuckers like to drink and tip and talk.

And it physically didn't fucking do god damn thing, you know, on my body. You know, there's a lot of boring waiting around sometimes, but I definitely can easily just look back to the hard times. Fuck man, one time, you know, I was one of the FedEx guys in the back. In the back of a truck doing Tetris

where they would just shoot these boxes down and you have to Tetris up, you know, rows and rows of all these packages. Sometimes the package looked, you know, as small as a ball and weighed 150 pounds and you're almost breaking your back because you're not even realizing how fucking heavy it was.

And you didn't bend over properly to pick that shit up. And it's like 230 degrees in the back of the fucking thing and you're fucking sweating your ass off and you're going home and your back hurts and everything fucking hurts. And then your car breaks down and you gotta fucking walk like eight to 10 miles

to fucking get home because you don't have a phone and you don't fucking have anybody's number to even call. And then you're gonna get fucking evicted from your apartment because you no longer have a job because you no longer have a car to fucking get to your job. And then your family, when you go to them for help, tells you, what are you doing with your life

because you're not making a goddamn sent with this fucking career you're talking about or fighting and whatnot. So then you fucking disown your family and fucking do what you gotta do to get by and fucking finally make it happen. And you make it on live television and then the world turns.

Everyone's like, holy shit, you made it. You did it. And we borrow a hundred dollars. I'll think about it. It's amazing that you go out. I never forget on the drives to gigs in my hotel room, I think about nights in Riverton, Wyoming and being at a bus station.

There's a bus station right here in Magnolia, you know what I mean? Yeah. And if you go to Noho Diner at night, you'll see the people that have to land there like at midnight and wait till six. Yeah. That was me. On the road, 12, 15 years ago,

I would fuck that to save a plane ticket. I would spend the night at a bus station outside. I'd bring two joints and hike a Walkman. Fuck yeah, six o'clock, get on that bus to whatever, sleep in the condo when I got there and did comedy, take a shower, oh my God. That's what you think about and that's where you gain your strength from.

You know, you're like, Jesus, I did that. You know, I started hanging out with the Agostino. I started feeling bad for him. And one day I'm like, fuck him. He's gotta get a day job. And he's gotta go out every night and do comedy, you know? And that's how you become a comedian. Everybody, when you go on the road,

you work with these kids. They get 500 a week for five shows and no hotel. So they gotta go on Wikipedia, whatever the fuck that is, and get some hotel for $48 a night in a bed that somebody got stabbed in last week. The roommate painted, there's one light bulb that's on, there's no hot water, and they gotta drive 50 miles. I mean, I talk to these kids

and they tell me their fucking journeys. And for a minute I feel bad and then I could go, no, I did the same thing like you motherfuckers, you know? I didn't Wikipedia my destination. I just slept at the fucking bus station to save $44. You wake up, you get a fucking horrible bagel and you get a cab and some days you fucking make a score, yeah, some days you make a score

and some days you don't. I remember doing Michigan and the guy would only give me a hotel from Friday to Sunday at lunchtime. And the rest of the week, you know, what am I gonna do, come home? No, I just got another hotel room so I'd find like a Motel 6 in the fucking hell for $24.99 from Tuesday to Thursday.

You fucking kidding me? And I'd eat Subway sandwiches, the veggie and cheese like a motherfucker. This is before they, this is when they were first getting the horse meat with the regular fucking white bread. They didn't have no wheat bread, they had white bread. That's it. And it all tasted like from out the hide.

They'd actually been more expensive back then. Yeah, right? Because they didn't have those deals. The veggie and cheese was still three bucks. I ate a ton of those going on the road with a Datsun B210. Nobody even knows what a Datsun is. Nobody in this, both of these don't know the fucking Datsun B210 is a four door

with a hanger pole in the back so I can hang my suits and shit. Jumper cables, antifreeze, radiated repair, a football, a basketball, fucking soap, shampoo. I mean, you know, you named it. That was my job. I was a comedian on the road. Ben Saunders, that's what you do.

And you wait every week to call in and they'll tell you where you're going. Some weeks you go to Nebraska, some weeks you go to the Idaho run, some weeks you do Idaho run two, some weeks you do Winamuck in Nebraska. You know what Winamuck in Nevada is? No, you know Winamuck in Nevada is fucked.

No, nobody fucking knows. I've been there for a week straight. So you're saying it was amazing. It's amazing and pathetic at the same time, but I did it. And nobody could ever take that away from me. They could even look it up. I R.S. could call and go to Joey Diaz, worked down these days.

Yeah, that fat fuck was here. He killed us on the shrimp and he destroyed our bathroom. He took our plunger. He took so many shits, he broke the plunger. Once you break the fucking plunger, that's when you know it's fucking all over and shit. What are your plans, my brother? Talk to me.

Is in tonight? No. Doing kickboxing with Joe Timmy Hart on. July 23rd. You're fighting again. July 25th. Okay, you're fighting again. Yeah, yeah.

Kenny Robertson, real tough guy. NCAA Division I wrestler, went to the same college as Matt Hughes, used that wrestling and really worked his Jiu-Jitsu game. So he's got a real tight Jiu-Jitsu game. His stand up is a little, it's on its way. And at the end of the day, man, he, from all the fights I've seen, he brings it,

you know, he loves the scramble, he loves the takedowns and he's tough as hell. He'll take shots, he'll give shots. So, you know, I'm expecting, I'm expecting the war, you know, I'm never taking anyone lightly. If it turns out better than, you know, a three round war in my favor, hell that's great, but you know, I'm not gonna get caught sleeping.

Thinking, thinking, oh, I got this guy standing, I got this guy on the ground, what is he gonna do? You know, I'd rather just say, I'm gonna do everything in my power to be prepared and let's see if those stars align. What do you think about that, Lisa, yeah? I think we need you for the T-shirt guy. You should come with us.

All day, every day, man. Let me give some shout outs real quick. David Dimas, Sandman, Don Rangel, Bill Braske, Alex Hidalgo, Victor Villarreal, Curtis, K-Win, and Nick Pritchett, you know, I love you, Coxuckers, I'm gonna be at the Atlanta Improv this Thursday through Saturday, and then I'm gonna be in Chicago the same weekend

as my main man here from the 23rd to the 25th at Zany's downtown in South Valley. Lee, what's going on in your world? You look like everything all right. You're looking good, dawg. Thanks, but right now I'm just having a little panicked touch, but okay. Coasted!

But no, I don't know, what am I doing? Oh, I'm going to San Francisco this weekend, Paula, okay. You leaving Friday? Yeah, Friday morning. Look at you, are you driving? Yeah. Look at you up the coast. Not really, because they said that takes like two days, so. Well, what do you got to do?

You got a lot to do. Well, that's the whole trip, though. That's perfect. Pull over, give a little stamina, get juice, and you keep driving. You get a taco for a dollar. You cancel the room, you pocket the money, nobody knows nothing, you know what I'm saying?

You got to work it correctly. You got to fucking hold your hand on these scams. Don't try to make love to her in the car like a fucking savage. Pull over, fuck the 40 for the whole doubt. Right there, you keep driving, it's gonna take you two days. By the time you get to San Francisco, you turn around. By that time, you wore that ass out.

You just do six hours straight, you know what I'm saying? Keep it interesting. Fucking Lee, I gotta fucking tell you this shit, you're a sexual fucking magneto. What's the problem, you take honor? Anyway, let's give a shout out to my sponsors, these bad motherfuckers, honor total human optimization, you know what I'm saying?

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If these guys, listen, if you're into dabbing, go to NailedItLife.com, okay? They got the vapor pen, they got bazookas, they got pens, they got the sticks to put the fucking jammy, Jimmy oil into your fucking lungs. They got everything. David and Peter don't fuck around.

They're up there throwing heat. Go to NailedItLife.com, aka Los Gumi Zermanos, aka White Chocolate Heat, 250 milligrams of fucking debt in those little chocolate bars. They got Alcada with cinnamon, what else they got? Rice pudding, strawberry cream, 250 milligrams of hash oil. You understand me? Well anyway, go to fucking NailedItLife.com right now

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I like it. I like it. Ben Song, thank you very much for coming on and taking time off from training. Good luck on the 25th. No, thank you guys for having me. You're on the fucking highway, the fucking championship, I have a feeling, man.

You got a certain look in your eye. Try to ride this wave as long as I can. I definitely use the on it stuff too. Shutex Sport, T plus, Battle Ropes. I can't do no Battle Ropes, last time I had my parole. I can't have no ropes around me, you know what I'm saying? What the fuck, wait, what are you laughing at? I don't know what you did with the ropes.

We kidnapped them, we tied them up, so they don't want me with no ropes. I can't even hang out with Boy Scouts on rope day. Close this fucking show up, I got shit to do, cocksucker. Okay. This show is brought to you by onit.com. Use Coward Church to get 10% off

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And go to hitesix.com and use Coward Joey's Church to get five hit E-6 for $50. Thank you. Y a madre mira hay consuelo del mortal Aparame y ame a la patria celestial A la sella es la cita no te olvides Hey, tengo muchas cositas que te quiero decir Hey

Hey No es por la alina La calleta durisima No es por la alina La calleta durisima La calle se ha puesto dura y no se sabe quién es quién Oye, mira doble cara Yo te digo que tú no eres my friend

No es por la alina La calleta durisima No es por la alina La calleta durisima Hey Huele que buena la botería y no me saco nada Calleta durisima Un chavo frío entonces voy a sacar

No se sabe a la calleta va A la botería se va a comprar un bonito cabila Calleta durisima Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey