Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #298 - Danny B.

Episode Date: July 9, 2015

Danny B. Sports betting expert and childhood friend of Joey calls in to Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt.   This podcast is brought to you by:   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/joey to get your first two meals free   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   
NatureBox. Visit naturebox.com/joey for a free trial box.   MeUndies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off.   Recorded live on 07/08/2015.
   Music:
 Saturday Night Special - Lynyrd SkynyrdMind Games - John Lennon

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naturebox.com slash joey. Show is also brought to you by meondies.com. Go to meondies.com slash joey and check out the men's and women's underwear they have. They have socks, t-shirts, very nice comfortable shorts. When you go to meondies.com slash joey use code word joey to get 20% off of your first order and get free shipping in the United States and Canada. And also the show is brought to you by onit.com. Go to onit.com and you use code word church to get 10% off all their great optimization products like Alphabet and New Mood, Shroom Tech Immune and Shroom Tech Sport. It's code word church to get 10% off. Oh, shit. Just when you thought it was safe, mother fuckers, the 8th of July,

the day the devil was buried at sea. Fuck that, mother fucker. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Church, what's happened now, baby? Nice and dirty. A fucking black cat. And two bodies laying naked. Are you kidding me or what? The fuck are you doing with your life? My skin is dead, but I don't feel so good myself, you know what I'm saying?

Church, what's happening now, coming at you. Wednesday afternoon, Lisa Yat, Uncle Joey. What's happening, beautiful fucking people? What's going on with you, cock-a-licka? I had a good night last night. I fucking tore my arm up, but it's good. Everyone keeps asking me if I liked jiu-jitsu. I'm not at the point that I like it at all yet, but it's been a lot of fun and something happened that you told me would happen. I had not an epiphany in the shower, but I was just thinking about it because we were doing this stuff and it was hysterical. We were just doing it on the floor right here, but I was doing it with Casey last night and he's a blue belt, but he was showing me how when I'm in half guard on

the bottom, how to sneak out. We were doing it where you kick your leg up and you just shoot out and take the back, and I kept... It wasn't as smooth as it should be as everyone else was doing it, but he showed me it's like you do one move and you just get to your side and then you do a whole another move and you get there. It's something that you don't get mad at me about, but sometimes I think too far ahead. I think a lot of people do it, is they look at maybe the big picture too much. I've just noticed in Jiu Jitsu so far that it's just about doing very small things in the right order. I was thinking it works the same way for your whole life. You can't just get a great podcast. You can't just be a comedian. It's

little small things. I was in the shower and I almost called you from the shower. I don't know why it just hit me right there, but it was crazy. Hard work is hard work. I was telling you that the first four years for me for comedy were just painful. It was just painful. It was fucking brutal. It was painful. It was something that you're broke because you don't want to work. There's something over your head that says you can't work. I did little things to stay alive, but I wasn't making any money. People always say to me, yeah, you're making any money from it. It's nothing. You're making any money. It's that you love doing what you're doing. When we go to Jiu Jitsu, we pay a monthly fee to go there

and we go there to get tortured. But the more you go, the easier it becomes. That's why I always say once you stop going, you got to start all over again. That's fear. I'm a specialist and fear league because I've been scaring myself. Fuck Vincent Price. Vincent Price could suck my dick. I scared the shit out of myself because I would always look at the steps. I would always think about Friday instead of Tuesday. And then you fucked up the whole week because you're not thinking about what's in front of you. You're always thinking about what's and then you cave. You already say no to it. I'm just not going to go. And that's it. And I did that for years, Lee. I blew a thousand jobs. I blew a thousand careers by doing that, by looking at in front. And also,

I started saying, that's got nothing to do with it. I was thinking about Nick. I love Nick with all my heart. But every time I used to call Nick and go, Nick, my name is Earl. I'll never forget I had a conversation with him. I got a call in Sacramento and they're like, Joey, they're looking for convict, looking motherfuckers for my name is Earl. All right? I fucking canceled the week. Like I was in Sacramento. I did Thursday night and I was like, I got to go. I was a feature act for Gabriel. Gary didn't talk to me for two years over that. And I fucking shot down the LA because I told him, this is what I'm in LA for, to whatever. So to make the story sure I went in there when I left, I knew I booked it. And the guy goes, I'm looking for four more guys. So I went

home and I called Nick. I'm like, Nick, looking for convict looking guys. Who's the director? What are they paying? Is it recurring or is it a series? You know, there was 19 questions before the fucking thing. Just do it. What's with the fucking questions? You're going to see that all those questions are just not detours, but they're kind of detours, distractions, distractions. You know, what the fuck with the questions? Just do what the fuck they asked of you. Go in there, book the job and then we'll worry about everything else. Everything else will fall into place. We'll figure it out. But people who like, wow, I didn't go because I'm leaving. You get those people like, I didn't go tonight because I'm out of town for a month.

Who gives a fuck? Guess who was one of those people leave me? And I was going to Taekwondo and I stopped going because I was on blow. I couldn't wait till eight o'clock to go to class. I would go to class from six thirty to seven thirty and I'd be scratching the whole time in class. Oh, really? Oh, because all I couldn't wait to get a package. And there was two doors down from Malcolm Padre. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? And one day I bumped into the guy and I was kind of hiding in my car and he came over and knocked on the glass. His name is Chris Najir. He's a Jiu Jitsu guy now and he came over and he goes, can I talk to you for a second? He goes, get out of the fucking car. He goes, listen,

man, it's a martial art. It's the same thing you're doing every night on stage. It's the same thing. It's all wrapped up the same fucking way. The more you come in, the better you get at it, right? You know, and he goes, even if you come in and do it once a week, just once a week, it's a lot better because that, you know what I would say? But what am I going to come in for on Monday? If I'm going to leave on Wednesday, I'm not going to be able to exercise. Right. And he goes, why wouldn't you be here? And that's the guy who said, what, in these hotels? They don't have gyms? I wouldn't even look. I would go on the road with Eddie, Tate, and Joe and they would say, everybody meet at the gym at one o'clock.

I wouldn't even look down there. I would be embarrassed to go to the gym. Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, it's kind of ridiculous when you make excuses like that. Like I almost didn't go last night. I just, I was feeling kind of off from the podcast on Monday. I just didn't want to go. And I was like, I was already in my car and I was like, I could not go, but how would I explain this? And then of course, as soon as I got there, Zach texted me the teacher. So if I hadn't got it, would have had to make an excuse. And I was like, yeah, I didn't feel great and it wasn't my best class, but at least I went. You went. Listen, man, you keep showing up. You just keep showing up. It's amazing what happens when you keep showing up. You know, I just keep showing up to you. So

I'm the worst guy in the fucking class. But I keep showing up. And the same thing for comedy. It's the same thing. I was horrible when I picked the major. I didn't do badly. I could always study and I always knew how to study. Right. I know that if you take notes in class, light notes, light notes, you can't put your head in that fucking notebook and write a solific week. It's a light note about a situation. You know, we're talking about podcasting or something. You can't sit there and write, you know, podcast, Lee says that, no, little notes, yellow in, you know what I'm saying? Like put a note there, stay fresh and put the thing in there and yellow. If you do that and you go home every night and you review that a little bit and you read the

chapter how the professor says, just how he says to do it. And these chapters aren't that long. You could do it in two days. Yeah. Okay. You're pretty much good. Come finals. You don't have to cram. And if every week for 10 minutes, you look over that those pages and just read what you wrote down, you'll be perfect. Oh, final time. If I had done that, I would have gone to Harvard. Yeah, that's it. That's the chemistry. That's the chemistry of so when I was taking all those other classes, CMC, Colorado, mom, college, I was doing that. I was pretty good. I was already a fucking 20 year old. So yeah, I really was, you know, Jesus Christ, this is easy for me now. I could master this now. Excuse me. And then when I got to University Colorado, I had to pick a major

when they hit me with econ Lee. It just wasn't working. It got real. It got real. And I was fucking flunking intro to macro or some shit intro to micro, you know, the little shit, not even the when it becomes something big, I was like, just gone. And I was ready. And I went into a council. Somebody said, Have you considered the counselor? The fuck is the counselor going to do when you're stupid? You're stupid. And this fucking dude, Mohammed Zabib and me started banging it out two hours a week. And like by the third or fourth week, I lifted my GPA. I was up there again. It takes it for some people. It takes harder to get something. Yeah. But if you quit, you're not going to get it. I'm against quitting. When I was a kid, I quit so many fucking things.

Yeah, just because all maybe this or a fear, you know, I have always said thinking is either the best thing you could do for a man or the worst thing you could do for a man. When you really think of a situation, you know, yeah, no, I get a lot of emails recently about how did you make decision to come out to LA? And I've started thinking about I really didn't even make the decision. It just kind of just I knew it was going to happen. So I didn't even it's not like I sat down and planned it out. I was like, Okay, when I graduate, I'm moving to LA. So it's but it I'm slow with other stuff. Like I'm slow with the working out and and doing other stuff like that. But it just it's weird how how similar we all are but how different like something like I would

like the fact that you get up on stage freaks me out or the fact that you, I don't know, did all those robbers, which isn't something like necessarily proud of, but it's just it's weird how different we all are. And we try to be try to measure ourself against other people when it really has no bearing at all. Like just because they did it, you have to do right, right, right. No, I was the king of that. You know, and I got out of that when I when I moved to LA, I knew to move forward as a comedian as a human being. I had to stop worrying about this one was getting and why he was getting it and being angry. That really held me back for a long time as a human being as a comedian because that's your you grew up with that people saying to you, Oh, I got invited

to this place. And here you got invited to the fucking park for Halloween party or some shit. I used to do it in school. Like I used to get really upset when people got better grades than I did or or but it's I think that's why I'm not quitting. I'm never I'm never going to be good at Jiu Jitsu. But neither am I if I could be neither am I possible. But let's pretend you get good at one move. Yeah, that's what he can said, right? That's pretend you find one move. That all that and even though the person knows it's coming, doesn't matter. Because you're going to look for that. That's your one move. You're going to look for that one move. That's your go to move. All you need is one move in Jiu Jitsu, maybe two moves on defense, escape, push away, get your leg back in,

and you're back to square one. You're going for that same fucking move. Have you found your move yet? No, I got no moves. Really? You don't have one that you like? I like Camoras. Okay, yeah, that's what we learned yesterday. Camoras. Yeah, I like a bow and arrow choke. Okay, I like that one from the because I always end up in that position with people. So I could go for a choke in your hand. They don't know what hand you're doing. And then you strap and you turn around real quick. Grab that pants and pull them up. Right, right, right. So I like that. I like the straight armbar, not the one that Rhonda Rousey does. I've never even heard of it before, but just it's the same sort of way that you do the Camora, except you just kind of like, block their arm and then push it

straight. Because I have short arms. So for me to get the Camora to grab my own wrist, I couldn't do it. Couldn't do it. So like, okay, let's, they said try the straight armbar. I was like, oh, that's cool. I like that. It's just, listen, sticking with something is always, and I like, bro, I let someone, I can't believe I stuck with economy. I told you two weeks ago, we had a guest on something about standup. It wasn't Brian's Galaro. It was two, three weeks ago. And we were talking about the struggle here, and we got really high and unedible. And I went home and something, my Roku wasn't working. Sometimes I go to that Roku and it's not working. All the shows on and on. It says maintenance or some shit. I don't fucking know. So I took a notebook out and I was writing

it. For some reason, I went back to living in that basement in Boulder. And I had the most saddest fucking existence. It was worse than the Rocky apartment. And I forced myself every night because I didn't even have groceries in the refrigerator. So I forced myself every night to find a spot when I went. This is why I talk about discipline. You know, you always talk about, you always hear about, you know, this Chinese discipline or Russian discipline. When I went back, I was such a bad shape emotionally. I was so heartbroken and so frustrated. I knew as a human being, not a fucking psychiatric psychiatrist or nothing. I knew as a human being that I couldn't stay in that house at night. Like I went on the line. I went on that online. I went on like a

comedy newspaper. Right. And in those days in Denver, legitimately, in those days in Denver, legitimately, in 1993 to 1995, on Monday nights, you had an open mic on an Australian bar that usually had seven or eight people. On Tuesdays, you had the comedy works and they put you, they give you three minutes every three weeks. On Wednesday, you had a commerce thing like a truck stop. Okay. Wednesday, you had the Elvis impersonator that we spoke about. I think so, yeah. The guy that was an Elvis impersonator and he flunked and fucking Vegas, so he bought a bar and and then Thursday night was El Torrito. Oh, and then Friday and Saturday had nothing and you had guest spots at different places. One Saturday a month on 11. There was a fucking room all the way

in Cherry Hill or whatever it's called in Colorado. It was like 50 minutes away from where I lived. And you went all the way there. Nobody knew me. So I always went up last that fucking 115 or these all open mics. All of them. There was no money in my life. So you could you could get up at all these. I knew that my mental situation I was I was 31 years old. I had no money. I had no savings. I had a beat up car. All I had was the clothes I had in that apartment. I was freshly divorced. I had a cocaine habit. And I had a heart of a fucking criminal. And I but I wanted to do stand up. I didn't know stand up was gonna save me. I didn't know stand up was gonna be take me here with you. I didn't know I was gonna do movies. I just wanted to do stand up at that time. I had been doing

stand up about three years. I had started in Denver. I had gone to New York. I had gone back to Colorado on that war with my fucking wife. And I had like odd jobs. I worked for a sports betting service. But this whole time I wanted to stand up. So I knew the pain was so much that I just couldn't sit in that fucking apartment and snort blow. So I forced myself to go out and do comedy every fucking nightly. I forced myself. Like I didn't give a fuck if I didn't have money. There was this couple that lived around the corner from me. I used to see was Chinese. I used to call her white powder mom. His name was Sammy. I could always borrow a 20 from him. Take a guess. Worked with him to get gas or just to get to a bar to do stand up comedy. There was a bar named Murphy's

in Boulder. It's still there I think. I used to go in there and just crack jokes at the bar. Like I did so many fucking things to get better at comedy. Like when I think about it sometime I used to go to a poetry reading where everybody's stunk like fucking armpit and patchouli juice. It was called. I don't even fucking remember what it was called. Penny Lane in Boulder. It was a little fucking place that was just a great coffee shop. Very bohemic. Everybody in there had dirty feet and stunk bad. But there were nice people and they used to have poetry readings and all that shit. And I would go up there and do horrible jokes during the poetry readings and they chased me. They chased me out. The thing that saved me

though the chick that ran the place was a beautiful girl and I knew her boyfriend from the halfway house. So when he couldn't come out he was still in the halfway house. I used to write jokes at her coffee shop all night and stay with her. She became one of my tightest friends and she called a different place. She was like my first manager not really manager. That's cool. So she was a hippie chick that her like her uncle was in the entertainment business out here. And I told I wanted to stand up and she would say just come down to the coffee shop and get in between the poetry readings. I got your back. And then on I think on Saturdays and Fridays she had to work the 24 hour shift. She was the manager so they made her work from 11 to 6 in the morning. Jesus.

And I'd go in there and sit with her. There was a baker on Monday. His name was Joe Koch who I still speak to today is one of my closest friends. Really? He used to bake at Laodizio and he would take Tuesday and Wednesday off. So on Mondays he would have to work a double shift. So he would come in at 4 to 12 and work his shift on Monday night. And then he would stay from 12 to 8 and bake all the tarts and the ice cream and the gelatis for the next two days. Jesus. And I would sit with him at the counter and he would give me all the samples. And I would write jokes all night long. I'd sit there and I had no idea what I was doing. Please do not say Joe he had it going on. No. I would sit there all night, eat, smoke dope outside and I'd maybe write four jokes and I

would write topical jokes then because I was a host at the Boulder Broker. So on Monday nights I would write the jokes for Tuesday. You could be right. That's how I did it then. That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. Now how did you keep doing like how did you convince yourself to keep doing it if you were having all these issues? Like if you if you bombed, did you bomb every time you went up? Pretty fucking much. Pretty fucking much. I was bombing in those days. I was bombing four nights a week. Four out of six? Four to seven? Four out of six sets. And what like what was it in you that was like okay I'll go again. Like if it's every time. Because I would switch up. I would do material and improvise and some nights I just improvise and some nights I just do material and

I really wasn't getting it. I really wasn't getting the the whole joke writing thing. It's funny. I was at the comedy store last night and I'm standing by the freezer at the bar. I ain't bothering nobody. You know I don't like walking in the hallway. I'm just standing there by the freezer drinking water and Paulie Short comes in and he orders a drink or water and he says something to me like nothing he nothing sarcastic. I forget what he said to me. Oh he said can you believe this place is this packed? He goes I haven't seen this place this packed since the fucking 80s tonight. And I looked right at him and I go I can't believe I'm 50 and I'm still doing spots at the fucking comedy store and he goes I know. He goes me too. I still remember being 1991 and 1992

and watching MTV comedy shows. In those days there were a ton of comedy shows on TV. When I got into comedy in the early 90s there was comedy all over stand television. Regular TV. So you had from five to eight you had comedy on MTV. Kamikaze comedy. Good at all. Fuck yeah Felicia Michaels, Paulie Shore, Steve McGrew, Todd Jordan like all these guys like if you want like I know that like Larry the Cable Guy was on it under a different name. Doug Stanhope was on Evening at the Improv. They used to have Evening at the Improv. Kamikaze A&E presents. Jesus. Sunday mornings A&E used to do stand-up comedy on Sunday mornings. It was hosted by Rosie O'Donnell and Bobby Collins. Oh fuck yeah there was a ton of stand-up when I got into stand-up.

But one of the stand-ups I was watching at the time not for inspiration but he was on everything was Paulie fucking Shore. So he walks out and guess who the fuck walks in? Joe Torrey walks in. Joe Torrey was in the movie I forget with Tupac and Janet Jackson and he was in all those house party movies and Joe Torrey on IMDB. He's from St. Louis and he's got a brother Guy Torrey that was in American History X. Well let me tell you something about Joe Torrey and I've told this to Joe Torrey a thousand fucking times. I used to rent the Rodney Dangerfield Special and the other tape I used to rent was the best of Def Jam with Guy when he used to be the warm-up when Martin got promoted. A black guy? Yeah. Yeah St. Louis

here it is yeah. St. Louis, Missouri. What movies has he been in? Been in a lot of stuff. He was in the NCIS. He's NYPD Blue for an episode. I'm looking for some movies. House Party 3. All those kid-and-play things. Yeah the three musted hells I don't know what that is. What the fuck house was he in? He was in that movie Janet Jackson. Tales from the Hood. What was it? Tales from the Hood. Tales from the Hood. Sprung, lockdown. He's been in a bunch of stuff. He was in a movie with the fucking the one dude Alex Baldwin's brother and Lawrence Fishburn when they escaped in jail. He was at the strip club with what's his name? Anyway, Joe Torrey was fled. Joe Torrey was one of the guys. He had a joke about his brother was one of them saved the whale niggers and

shit and he goes you know he don't believe in guns but I believe in guns. He goes I love carrying my gun. In fact, I go to the ATM and I dressed up in a tuxedo with a gun. I take money out of the thing waiting for somebody to come out of the bushes. That was one of my favorite jokes at that time. Really? And I watched that special over and over and I used to see him when I first got to the store and I would tell him this. I would tell him the bit and he'd die. Like who the fuck remembers that stupid shit? And I go I do because I studied it. I studied the timing. I studied the words. You know I studied everything you know. So here was two guys last night at the store that I came up watching. Not emulating but learning from you know. How does it make you feel that there's a lot

of young comics looking at you like that right now? I think they're fucking crazy. I think they're fucking crazy. Really? It's embarrassing. Why? Because it's fucking embarrassing. It's fucking embarrassing when I go out and the young comics come up to me go hey man you're the reason I do comedy. My fuck I don't want to hear that. I feel like breaking inside like you're fucked up. You're fucked up. If I if I made you to stand up or anything you're fucked up. Well how do you think like Joe Torre felt? Like he must have felt sort of similar. It must be kind of normal to feel that way. If you if you really love that sort of stuff it's probably not a good sign. Wow. Listen man I remember the first time I went to Lenny Clark and I go when I watched you on that thing I put a suit

on after that. He influenced me to put a suit on for a long time. I just couldn't stand up with a suit on. I just couldn't fucking sell it. Really? It was top people. Nah I don't work. It don't fucking work for me. It's like a barrier in my fucking head now. I've always wondered that so like you have to try that out. How many times do you try out wearing a suit before you're like no? Three months. Every night. Not every. I had like four different suits. Okay. So for a little while in Boulder I wore a suit and then in New York City I wore a fucking really badass fucking suit color matching shoes and I just didn't sell it. I just didn't sell it. Once I started dressing normal I sold it. Do you put any thought into what you're wearing or is it all is it just whatever you

want to wear or do you have? I'm the electrician. I'm the fucking electrician. I look like a fucking electrician. I still wear Ditas 1980 sneakers. What does that tell you? I could care less what's in style. I don't even know what's in style. I know I don't like tight jeans around my legs and I don't want my jeans falling down. I've lived the life of my pants fucking falling down. I should get a nickel every time I see a kid with his fucking pants falling down. So that's how I fucking feel about that. When I dress I like to be loose. I don't like tight clothing. Right. If I'm worrying about my clothes I'm doing something wrong. If I'm going to do stand-up and I'm worrying about my outfit I'm doing something wrong. I should be worrying about my set. Right.

That's all I want to worry about. That's all. I don't care what I have on my feet. I want to look presentable. I mean I don't want to go up there with holes in my fucking clothes and stinking like 10 dead fucking Baghdad motherfuckers. But I want to look presentable. I want to look like I feel inside. I want to look like I walk around. I don't want to look like nothing. Why would I go up there with a tuxedo and a fucking martini if I don't fucking walk around with a martini. Right. You and me talking as men right now for people who are home. When I see a comic with a fucking cocktail in his hand on stage I want to go up there and break it over his fucking head. Because I know when they're up there because they're alcoholics and I

know when they're up there to be fucking cool. There's a big difference and it's a detraction. Yeah. There's nothing I want to do more than smoke a fucking cigarette and then join up on stage back to back with a bottle of Coca-Cola with ice cubes. But it would take away from the audience me trying to be fucking Joe cool. How do I know because I tried it already. I could I can't wait to smoke a joint on stage. That's my fucking dream to take a joint three fucking joints and that's how I know it's time to get off when the joints are done. The three joints are done. It's a binding ship. That's it. What do you want to talk about? You already smoked three joints and you did your fucking time. What do you want to talk about? You wrote three nice fucking numbers three different

weeds. A couple things of water. Maybe maybe a fucking half a sandwich like a little turkey sandwich. Sometimes you want to talk and fucking eat and tell a little you know add to the flavor you spit lettuce and onions out of your mouth. It'd be funny. Sure. You understand what I'm trying to say to you Lee. And I don't want to go up there and act or have something on that I wouldn't fucking wear. I don't wear a fucking leather jacket when I walk around and I wouldn't want to emulate Dyson that department. I wear sneakers. I wear jeans. They always got one hole in them somewhere by the ass the pocket. I always got a hole somewhere. A nice fucking t-shirt that smells okay. I don't know what this I don't know. But look at my body. You think you think a fucking head

shot of something could save this face. This is what it is. So the first four years though like when you were in Denver or wherever I experimented. I'm not going to lie to you. I think you can't worry about all that stuff. It's not that I cared more. Listen. I always knew I wasn't fucking Elvis and I'm not one of those guys that's going to become Elvis. I come at you or what I come at you. I'm not a fucking I'm no rock Hudson. You know what I'm saying but I'm no fucking son of Sharon in the movie The Mask either. You know. I ain't walking around with a big head with a scarf. You know. I don't fucking know Lee. What are you getting me started for? That's your new outfit on stage. So yeah. Do you ever think because they don't do it that much anymore. But for a while

all the Comedy Central Specialists had like weird sets behind them. Do you ever think about like what yours would be? Brick. That's all you want. Brick. You don't want like a little basketball hoop. Brick. I forget who had one. It was a terrible one. He was like a basketball hoop a scoreboard. I forget who it was. I don't want nothing to listen. I need all the help in the world I need with stand up. I want them to focus on the stand up. You know Eddie Murphy had an outfit on that was off color. The first two shows to make you focus on him. I tell you who's a genius with that is Ralphie May. Ralphie May always wears something on his special. So if you're switching the channels and you see a fat guy with an orange jacket on you're going to fucking stop.

That's brilliant. That's Ralphie May type shit. Is that was just to catch people's eyes. That's different fucking things that you do. It's it's not marketing. It's called something else. It's in a different area. I think it's just it sounds like it's just you guys figure it out. Like you're okay. If I'm going to go up at 1 a.m. on a Saturday. I need people to look at me. How am I going to do that. We're talking to somebody who was in here talking about acting and we're talking about people who put the outfits on. Like when they're auditioning a baker. Yeah. If you dress up like a baker when you get to your car pull the gun out and put it in your mouth. Don't even leave a note. They're going to know when they find you in the baker suit that you're a fucking mook

anyway. You don't give in that much. I want you to give me the illusion. Tell me the illusion you're a baker without that fucking apron on. Because at that point everyone's going in with it as a baker. Me I'm going to go on a white t-shirt that says like fuck your mother in the ass on it. Because the white t-shirt is still going to make me a baker. But without the fucking collar and the badoop and the hat on and the apron. Do you follow what I'm saying? So I'm still giving you the patois but I'm not giving you the patois. I'm putting one finger in your asshole not four. That's nice of you. I don't want to fuck shit up. I just want to do what's right and go home. Call it a fucking day, right? But that's what when I do stand up at night I

don't fucking know. Listen, I do laundry. My wife does laundry. Whatever's in that fucking hamper. That's it. That's your idea. Yeah. If I'm doing something for Ari, I got to look nice. I will do it. You know, when I fly now, if I get upgraded, I do dress up. Sebastian, when he came on the podcast, he made me think about that. In the 70s, when you flew, you were impeccable. You weren't impeccable. You wore a suit and stuff. You wore a suit, the kids wore a suit, the women, the little kids had ponytails, the girls. You wore, you weren't impeccable when you got on the plane. So what do you wear now? Absolutely. Now I wear jeans that look nice. And now I wear a nice college shirt. Really? Yeah, I'm in first class. If they upgrade you,

you can't be a Puerto Rican all your fucking life. You can't be a fucking fellow in all your life, man. So, you know, they're doing me a favor by giving me an upgrade. What am I going to do with a t-shirt with holes and with my hair all fucked up and be all retarded? No, I'm going to give them the best I can be. So now, and I just figured this out, like 47 guys, don't look at me like Joey. No, you should be doing this shit. If you're not doing it because your friends ain't doing it, set a fucking example. That's what I think. Yeah. You know, you got to have looked halfway decent. I see guys going on planes with flip-flops. What if this fucking plane goes down and you lose your flip-flop and you're walking around like Paulie in the weeds down in Jersey with one shoe fucking

missing that time? The fuck you're going to do? The fuck you put? When you travel, you want to wear flip-flops, you go to the beach and you go behind your house. You don't want flip-flops on the outside. Things can go down and then you got a flip-flop on. You got to kick somebody in the head with your fucking toe. Now you broke your fucking foot. Now they're looking for a limp. Now they're looking for a do with a gimpy. You know what I'm saying? You always wear your fucking shoes. You want to wear flip-flops when you're with your broad jumping up and down at home. That's fine, but you can't wear flip-flops on a fucking plane with your feet out like that, like a fucking animal. Sebastian's correct. He's correct. He reminded me of that.

Was he? He was. It was 8-0. There was the one when you were on the Southwest flight together with that freaking guy. Just uh... Sometimes that you have to... I'm not fucking Johnny GQ. I used to love wearing a suit as a kid. Me too. I got four or five suits in that closet. I got a nice jacket. I wore it for the Premier Grudge match. I wore it for Grudge match. That's it. The fucking... I got a leather jacket that's brilliant. I wore it four times. You know, when do you get a chance to wear a leather jacket in LA? This is like bulletproof, this fucking thing. But they almost make you feel bad about it out here dressing up. Like when I was going on job interviews, I never once... The only job interview I ever dressed up for out here was the UFC in

Vegas and I wish I hadn't. I might have got if I hadn't. But it was a... It's kind of weird how like they kind of... Everywhere else you're supposed to wear a suit and get nice in here. Well listen, if I pay for the UFC tickets, if I pay $1,000 for a fucking UFC ticket, I'd walk in that motherfucker with a jock strap on and a pirate's hat and work boots on. $1,000. Yeah. I pay... I dress what I want as long as it's legal. Right? Nobody could say that if you're walking to a UFC event with a fucking jock on. As long as you don't show your dick, you know, it's freedom of speech. You got your work boots on that's sanitary and you got your little pirate's hat on with a little fucking skull on your chest.

I think we found a new Halloween costume. But when Joe Rogan gives you a nice ticket... Right, yeah. Well, you're gonna go in there dressed with a picture of Hitler on your shirt, trying to be fucking, you know, Johnny Rebel. Do that on your own fucking time. You're in here on Rogan's dime with one of your uncle's dimes or somebody else's dime. Yeah, right. But your other friends... But Joey, why am I... You know, when I did the longest show at the premiere, guess what I wore to the premiere? What? I wore a warm-up. Go ahead. Call me an asshole to my face because I have it coming.

You know why I wore that? Because Adam Sandler used to wear whatever he fucking wanted. When I went to the premiere, I looked at Michael Irvin and I looked at Roman Oskar. I looked at the wrestlers. They were all dressed to the nines. You know how bad I felt? Because I thought it was cool to be cool. No, it's not. Your mom taught you to fucking dress up, fucking dress up for those events. That happened once in a lifetime. That's why when I got the chance to go to grudge match, I dressed to the fucking nines. I went to the bank and everything. I don't go to the bank for fucking one of those polyester suits from Hollywood. Three suits for $200. People can't smoke around you.

They're bad because I was gonna get them when I lose all the weight. They're fucking... Those suits are... Lee, listen. I mean, unless you're hanging out with fucking Basachi's ghost and businessman who wear $1,500 suits, which I love to wear, I just don't have a purpose for those. For me to go and buy a $1,500 suit to impress you or my wife or the neighbor to hang in the closet, there's no investment, there's nothing. It's just a $1,500 suit hanging in your closet. Fat guys like me, chubby, cute guys like yourself, you go to Hollywood, you get those three suits for a deuce. All right? They give you a shirt and they give you socks and they give you a belt.

The shirts, you're gonna wear one time, you're gonna throw those away because you're ripped a fucking thing. And the socks, it's made by some Korean blind guy. One sock is size 12, the other size 8. You don't know what the fuck's going on with your feet. Next thing, half a foot's up, your heel is out, it's itching during the meeting. Forget the socks. You go buy your own nice socks and your own nice shirt to match. But those suits for $200 bucks is three suits, which I come out to. $65 a fucking suit. Yeah, that's crazy. Okay, let's say you wear the suit three or four times a piece, which you're not. Which you're fucking not. Really? It's all gonna... No. And let's say you do and you go out to dinner with your wife and you get caught on a hook.

Okay, your mother-in-law's gonna be able to fix it, but it's a $65 suit. Even if you ruin the pants, you still kept the jacket and you didn't make that much of an investment in a fucking suit. When I was really broke and Josh Wolf gave me that check for 500 bucks and I bought those three suits and I gained 80 fucking pounds in two months and I went to put the suits on, they didn't fit no more. Could you imagine if I would have paid 500 for that one suit? Jesus. No. And if you go there and they look at the $500 suits, it's the same suited on the three for $200. Oh, really? They just charge you more just so you feel better about yourself. But if you go to the two... Right there on Hollywood, I think there's like two or three of those places. Yeah.

And last time I went there, I saw all the dudes from my witness news there. Those suits hold up. If you fucking take them to the dry cleaner and don't throw them and wrinkle them and take the jacket off and don't act like an animal, for what the fuck we do with a suit on, it's not bad. Now, if you're an agent at CAA and you're parading those suits and you have a meeting with Brad Pitt, I spit in your face if I'm Brad Pitt. You show up with that fucking Japanese fucking worm silk, or whatever the fuck it is. I don't even know nothing about material. What the fuck do I know? Who knows? I finished the Sopranos last night and it was... I knew that the fate to black was coming, but I was... The reason I was thinking about it, I went and looked and the season finale,

or series finale was in June of 2007. And I was thinking about how I had probably just graduated high school or was just about to graduate high school. When did you graduate high school? Oh, seven. 2007. Oh my God. And I was thinking... What was your first year of college? 2008, I presume? No, 2007. Well, yeah. And when did you graduate college? I finished early 2010. Wow. And I was thinking about it. I was like... You finished high school in 2007. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I never fucking thought about that. I have to take a break. Now I'm really getting fucking anxiety over here, Lee. Really? 2007. I never looked at it from that perspective. Yeah. No, it was... I remember that. So I graduated high school 25 years before you. And I got left back one year.

So really 24 years if I would have been a moron. 26. 26. What happened? But do you ever look back and like... I remember the night I graduated. I don't know. I think it was a little bit after this, but I remember getting the call that I was going to Israel for the first semester that night. And I drove to the graduation of my shitty car. I was like, I wonder if I talked to me when I was graduating high school, how I would look at what I'm doing right now. Like, if I think, if I would have thought I should have stayed with a job or whatever it was. And I was like, I bet like 2007, Lee thinks this is pretty cool. Like, it's pretty fun. And I just, I hadn't really stopped to think about it. I was thinking about today, this weekend's your anniversary.

And you've been with this girl for two years. Yeah. Wow. That's crazy. It's been a crazy two years. Wow. And you're in love. You've been in love with her since your mother. The first time she brought you home to eat those tamales, you were fucking done. You fucking Jews love Spanish women and black. They're great. What the fuck is wrong with you guys got like a weakness cell. You know, you don't fuck. They're completely different from our mothers. I think that's what it is. Hilarious. You're not the first person that I've, you know, you know, I look at this type of stuff. I was thinking about that salsa record I put out. Okay, that's salsa record I put out. And I've had this story when we first started the podcast, I had Mike Kessler call. Okay. And he spoke about

how his brother, Steven, the pharmacist, when he was in college, he went to NYU when he was Jewish on the weekends in the early 60s. Instead of going to bar mitzvahs and shit, he would go to Latin halls and he was a young kid, Mike, and he goes, I couldn't understand it. At night, instead of listening to the Beatles, he'd listen to Spanish music and dance around. And he became the mambo champion of the salsa champion. I don't know the fuck of 1963 in New York City, a Jewish kid. And it wasn't that he was a mambo dancer by nature. It was that he liked Spanish women. He said he ended up marrying a Spanish woman that's still together 48 years and kids. I don't remember if you called when I, I don't remember. I could, because I've heard in

hash and the sopranos with black women. So I've heard the stereotype, but it's I remember when he goes, she liked you and he goes, I don't know if you looked at this. She's a bit light for my taste. Well, Jonathan Wolfe, yeah, like he married a black chick, David Wolfe married a black chick. It's really, it's not going to sound common. You know, I just, you were dating a couple of women before Paula. Yeah. But I remember you going out with Paula a few times and saying like, this is the one, I don't remember when it could be talked for like three weeks to a month before, because we met online. And then what I think it really was is she got sick toward the beginning of us dating. And I hadn't met her parent and her mom yet,

but I went down there when she was sick and we watched, we watched the exorcist on her bed during the middle of the day on a laptop, but then her mom cooked. And I think, I think that was probably it. I was very nice to you. It was a very nice move. Well, it's just, it's a, I see how it's like the fourth of July. It's basically turning into my family out here. I don't really have family family. I'm sure if I get married, my mom might move out with who knows. But it just, it was a, it was great. And I actually, I haven't even told Paula this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it, but I signed up for a Spanish class at Valley College. It's Monday and Wednesday mornings.

Let me ask you this very interesting question. I want you to be strictly honest with myself and people listen, when you got in that fucking car and pointed that car west, did you have any idea that you were going to fall in love with a woman like Paul at all before you even fucking answer? Because you're, I'm putting you in fucking a tremendous bad situation. I mean, before you could even fucking answer, when you were sitting there on the fourth of July eating with these people, kissing Paula, they're treating you like a son. Did you ever think back of getting in that car and seeing yourself to like, who would have thought? I had like a year.

This is what I love about why I tell these dumb fucking stories. Because this isn't about drugs. This is about how I left New Jersey and you got embraced. You found yourself at somebody's home. You were at my home eating. Like, I remember you coming over and me going, this fucking guy's great. Like, look at him. He wants to go to New York. I remember calling you scared. Like going, like, you're scared that night. Oh my God. I thought you were going to hang up on me. Like, I'm not going to New York. This old guy wants to fuck me in the ass. No, you were like, I'm in. Let's get the donations. And I'm like, this fuck. And I'm thinking to myself, when this guy got in this car, was he thinking of this, moving this fast? Like, and I'm sorry I didn't let you answer

the question. I just got so emotional thinking. I remember when it was happening to me, I remember being, working on the 4th of July, building a wall with bricks and hitchhiking back to my home in Snowmass and parking and all of a sudden John Denver pulling over and picking me up and driving me up the corner to my house up in, up in wherever the fuck I lived in Snowmass Village and walking and going, when I got in that car four months ago, I just wanted to survive. Yeah. I thought I was coming out here to be an editor. I thought I was coming out here to like work a job and, and then that I'm very thankful for my first job. But it was also very tough on me because I like when things move fast. I get very bored when things are, are slow or it like that that

summer, my first summer here was dead because the show was on hiatus. And they were very nice to keep me there, but there was nothing to do. So when you call me that night, it was like midnight, I was working nights and you're like, do you want to go to New York? I was like, fuck yeah, I want to go and shoot the documentary. So for people, you answered your own question. So for people who were at home thinking about making a move, not the LA, to anywhere, anywhere that makes you that in your heart, we always have this fear and all of a sudden a year later, you find yourself at a dinner table with these people that are complete strangers and they're treating you like you've known them for 20 fucking years. Yeah. And if you're not real, if you don't think back

to where you came from for 30 seconds ago, wow, a year ago, if you don't think to yourself for one minute, that I'm over here talking to myself, that's the weirdest fucking thing. People knocking on the door for a bathroom key. It's tremendous. That's when you know, shit's going down the fucking tubes. You know what I'm saying? But we want to something, I forget, people who want to leave and procrastinate. Trust me, when I first made the hurdle from New Jersey to fucking Aspen or the Snowmass village of Basalt, Jesus Christ, I had a thousand doubts. And I could have been one of those people that said, well, I'll do it in a year. I'll save up money. That's like the same thing of

I'm not going to join Jiu Jitsu until I'm in shape. Right. Okay, I'm not going to join karate shape. I'm not going to go here till I'm in shape. It's the same fundamental. Well, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get a job at a liquor store and I'm going to put money away. You're not going to put dick away. You're not going to put dick when you're going to get a girl pregnant, you're going to get yourself into a bad predicament. When I thought about going to Colorado, it was like a three week process for me. It was like a three week process. I had a bunch of irons in the fire. I just had to rob somebody to get a little financing and I was gone. And listen, I didn't have family, but I had family. Okay, I had family and I could have turned my life around

10 fucking thousand times and I fucking did and I escaped. But the one thing, you know, last night, I'm standing there. Guys, I've been living out here for 18 fucking years. I've been around a lot of fucking people. That was a minute last night where I'm standing there going, this is surreal. This is a dream that 20 years ago, I was in a basement apartment watching Pauli Shore on MTV. I used to watch the real world then. Yeah. With the Cuban kid that had the AIDS and the chick fell in love with him. This is like the third. I don't even know what year. Please don't quote me on what year this like 92 93 94 95. There was a kid on MTV, a Cuban kid that had AIDS. And there was the real world. There was a cute girl on there. And there was some guy that used to

come to the store spaz or razz or cataz. He used to go to the Tommy store and they threw him off because he said the guy had that HIV on TV. I don't fucking know. But I used to watch Pauli. And then at night, I'd put that tape in and watch Joe Tory and I'd watch Bill Hicks on the fucking Rodney thing. And that'd be nice. I ain't gonna lie to you. I'd fucking cry because I wanted to do this so fucking bad. I could taste it like I thought if I could just go on stage and somebody could see me, that maybe I had a fucking chance. Nobody ever saw me. You know what I'm saying? Just fucking Lisa. Yeah, I was laughing before because we were talking before the podcast started about jujitsu and we're talking about a move and you just had come here and I just started

laughing because we were we're literally on the floor of an office building in the back of North Hollywood. And I'm getting on top of Joe Ideas in the half guard or you're in half guard and I'm getting on top of you. And I'm like, who would have thought like when I was listening to one of those first Rogans on my drive out here, I'm like, I'm getting on top of like it was just I had to laugh for a second. I just had no I was like, what is happening in my life? This is fucking life. And this is why if you're scared of making a move, Jesus Christ, 300 bucks, you're gonna dive in a hotel down in Hollywood, you get a job telemarketing, look at fucking the Agostino selling that fucking Indian shit on the floor. Yeah, he's making bank. I told him just sit still for 90 days,

wait till everybody quits and you get all their leads, they promoted him. He now gets people who called in. Oh, cool. So he don't have to call fucking dentist and fucking people in Afghanistan to sell him a box of tape. Oh, cool. And he has a new podcast too. Oh, shit. Oh, oh, oh, oh, what's up, buddy? What's happened, my brother? I'm happy you called in. We wanted to switch it up a little bit tonight. And we said, fucking, let's have Danny be called in and fuck things up. And what's the latest with Gary? My brother, oh, God, well, I know that he just got 25 years for a one bank robbery and he's waiting on the other two. There was, it was more than we thought in the beginning, you know, originally we thought he took down one bank,

but it turns out he took down a couple of banks. Some lady had owned a restaurant, followed her home, put a pistol to her head, raps, and it's somebody we knew growing up in North, North Bergen, one of our friend's mothers of all things, followed her home to I think Richfield Cokes and got her at the doorstep. So he's pretty much done three strikes. You're out. Well, actually it's like six strikes for him was falling off a couple of pitches, but they, you know, I don't know, bro. I don't, I don't see him coming out. I think that no, no, no. Has he reached out to anybody or? Oh, no, he did it. You know, he didn't know he went out ugly, man. He went out hating everybody and he was drug induced. So, you know, everybody was supportive. Everybody

helped him out and he kind of went out ugly. He went out, you know, like a gangster and now he's kind of doing time on his own. It's a shame, but he burnt all of his bridges, including us here. You know, my mom passed away, so he lost that lifeline. Michael, my cousin, everybody, people out west by you. Yeah. So he's kind of sitting there. I'm not saying I'll never speak to him again, but right now he's kind of, kind of dealing with what he created, if you will. Danny, you and I both know that there before the grace of God go, I, that could have been us by mistake. Well, you know what? He had, he had a lot of help. A lot of people were there for him. You know, it wasn't his first mistake. It wasn't his second mistake and, you know, drugs, man.

Drugs. He couldn't just be happy smoking a joint or having a drink. He had to go on the powder, you know, and then he became typical Gary, North Bergen style, you know, like was 1985. No control. You know, he thought he was smarter than everybody. He was going to outthink the cops and all the cameras were like, you can't rob. This ain't 1995. This is, everybody's got cameras. Everywhere you go, there's cameras, but he, you know, he knew more than everybody. And like I said, he's, he's going to be swimming a long time. Can you imagine Danny getting caught selling powder now and you get caught on camera from across the street? They got cameras the size of a fucking dime they put in bars I heard now.

Yeah. You know what? Thank God I left that lifestyle many, many years ago as you did. I couldn't make a living now. There's no way you can make a living as a thief. There's no way. You don't think so? No, no, no, no, no. Hey, what's up, Lee? How are you? What's up, Danny? Even under the radar. Yesterday I was watching something and they had closed off studio city. Did you see that yesterday for four hours? No, where? They closed off studio city because three guys, they got spotted breaking into a house and the one guy had a weapon. So they evacuated the maids and I'm sitting there going all my years. That's what saved me. I always

crawled through that window solo. I could have been a fucking burglar or an encyclopedia salesman because I dressed apart. That's how I did it. I didn't walk in a neighborhood with a hooded sweatshirt with a fucking born to lose t-shirt on. I'd walk looking halfway decent. You didn't know what the fuck I was doing. You didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I could have been doing anything. Well, you know, Gary and Gary did a lot of his stuff all messed up too. He wasn't thinking level headed. He was up for two or three days and he dragged some young kid with them. Actually, the getaway driver died. She was sick. It was a girl. She died of complications and the young kid flipped on Gary and told them about the other heist. Again, they had him for the bank

and fed you up there by white castles. Then they got him for, I think, two more banks and the poor lady that owned the restaurant on Tunnelie Avenue. I forgot her name, but it's somebody that we knew was her mother. Yeah, it's a shame. He's sitting there by himself. Since my mom died, everybody's kind of doing their thing. She kind of kept us a little bit talking and she passed away last September. We've kind of all lost contact. Everybody's breathing their heads in. She was the matriarch, Danny. She was the fucking glue. She was the glue. When the mother and the soprano died, the sopranos was over. People will tell you, real people who know what was going to go down will tell you the day Olivia died. That was it for the sopranos. That's why

David Chase is a genius because he bailed something out that was supposed to go one way and it went a different way and he kept your attention. That's the genius of David Chase. But a lot of people who knew, a lot of people who knew what was going to happen knew that Fox knew the mother was going to end up the boss of the family. So when she died, it was all over. They had to go a different direction. So they play a little hardball and then they won a direction and that's how they ended the fucking show. That's the genius David Chase. Well, kind of when she died, this storyline was so messed up. I only enjoyed it the first couple of years, two or three years. Whenever she died, after that it wasn't the same. It was

like they were reaching, but she reminded me kind of of my mom. Take the knife out of the hand and stick it right here. She had that tough. My mother was tough, but yet she was scared at the same time. But she made good chicken though. You remember that chicken? She can cook some fried chicken, Coco. She was good at that. I must have ate Danny fucking 40 and in those days, I used to snort and eat whenever there was food. Like I'd eat those sandwiches at Joe. Joe Marry used to put this bar we grew up in. It was on the corner or whatever in Bergenlein Avenue. They were nice enough to put these ham and cheese sandwiches in this circle thing, like a bakery circle. Yeah, you'd pick the thing and take the sandwich out and put it back

down. But for some reason, there was always a fly in the one at Joe Marry's. I would eat 15 of those fucking sandwiches and I'd get a bag of potato chips with hot sauce on it. Frank's hot sauce with potato chips and a mug of Budweiser shit. Shit. You know what? I couldn't touch a fuck. I couldn't eat shit. If I snorted a line, that was it. I'd look at fucking food and puke like that kid from South Park when he looks at that girl. Wow. That's kind of how I am with but you know what? That was a long time ago, you know? But yeah, I always do remember the food out there and they were putting it out so we didn't, you know, we had a little something on our stomach. And then at night, late night at 12, 15, Cowan would close Chicken, Chickadee. The

Chicken Delight. Chicken Delight. No, Chicken Delight was down. Chicken Delight was two blocks down where Berkel worked. Chickadee was next to door to us. Chicken Delight was on 78th Street. And by the way, don't cook tonight called Chicken Delight. They had tremendous fries. And next to it was the Wing Fung Chinese restaurant. How many times did I die and dash out of that motherfucker? But up the court. God, I'm sorry. What was the chicken joint on 78? That was the one Mike Donovan worked in, right on 78, right across the street from my house. I remember when we didn't go to school, he had the keys. We'd skip school, we'd go up there, we'd fry up some scallops, some shrimp, some chicken, and go in the clubhouse

and smoke weed all day, burn candles to keep warm. And, you know, that was that shit. That seemed like yesterday, folks. That's like 40 years ago, for Christ's sake. 1975, 1976, 77. You know what? I just came back from Cape Man, man. It was really nice. I bumped in, I told you earlier, Pete Mancuso. We knew him. I played baseball with him. You know, he's good friends with Jimmy Valano, all those guys. So we're starving. We're looking for a place to eat. And we find a pizzeria on the boardwalk and we pop in there. We start the talking and where you're from, North Burgo. So am I. Turns out he owns a pizzeria. Jimmy Valano was popping in the next day, you know, and Kate May, it's a great place. We went down to do some shark

fishing there, shark hunting, I want to call it. Did you get any? But you went to the wrong place down in North Carolina. They're biting people every 15 minutes in North Carolina. You're up in Jersey. Yeah, but here's what you do though. There's people that owe you money. You take them to boogie boards and you cut their legs and then the sharks come that way. And that's how we start again. Now, really, it's a really nice place down there, but I don't go into water. I'm only fucking around. No sharks for me, pal. I put my feet in and that's about it. And now they're coming up and pulling you on there. They pull you the fuck and no sharks. Something. I don't know. I don't even go to the NATO ship. Fuck you. They're taking that

shark NATO serious. Fuck you. Now, when does football season start, my friend? You're ready to rock. Officially, let's look at August 9th preseason. You believe that? That's it. No one's going to bet on preseason. Do people bet on preseason? Fuck yeah. That's it. You can't. They don't know who's going to bet on everything. Jesus. And if they don't bet, you got to talk about the bet and that's what he does. Here you go. Here's some advice. Take a rookie coach who's hungry for wins out the door. Certain teams, of course, they don't want to risk their stars. They already know what they got, but teams got to look and search in for that backup quarterback. Find a team that has a good backup quarterback because he's going to be playing hard too.

But if you have a rookie quarterback, a rookie coach, rather, he's hungry. He wants to start off with a winner. So preseason, stay away from it if you don't know what you're doing, of course, but there's money to be made, but it's tricky. You only bet a few dollars. You don't get crazy on it because like anything can happen. But yeah, it's right around the corner. Baseball, all star break after this weekend. Times flying. Kids are old. Your girls are about two and a half now, three getting up there. I got to ask you something. I'm really happy that you called because before Lee Lee graduated, we're ready for this. Danny, sit down for a second. I am. I'm sitting down. Lee graduated high school in 2007.

Did you criminal? I just realized that I had no idea. I had no idea you're feeding him pot and stuff like that. And people get in trouble. I took five. He ate 500 milligrams the other night. We both did. I got to tell you something. I was fucking gone. I went home. I ate fucking Captain Booty. I ate the fucking peaches. I ate every banana. Oh my God. Oh my God. You should have made me shit. I can't do peaches. What do you think it did to me the next day? I was all fucked up. I puked. Yeah. He puked from the 500 milligram. He ate wholesale tortellini. I didn't every time I puked. Tortellini. They got tortellinis. We're talking it now. My God. No, no, no, no, he went home and made a tortellini. He put that spray butter and then mixed with the

expiration and he got sick and then he blames on the fucking brownie this fucking guy. It was a problem. I had a toy surprise. I was leaning up against my fridge talking to somebody who wasn't there. I was having cold sweats. Listen, I had a little, I just fucked around with those Tootsie Rolls and I was enough to fucking Scared me straight man. I will never do that none of that edible stuff again Oh my god, so just give me a joint give me my weed. I like cotton it up. I like smelling my fingers I like the whole presentation of it and which TV to begin game to buy game box 75 even the whole thing No, I gave him half this Danny be on cooler. I give him what I fucking give him

He's been around so it was like two and a half times what you had Yeah, but that's so well, you know, we're here on the east coast. We know we're not privy to that stuff You know, we get some we get some smoking good weed here, but you guys are spoiled out there, man You just got there like you said tortellini part. No, no, no, no, he went home Before we were talking about him graduating high school and what he was thinking about that he went to college And then one day he got up and like you and I did he he Got on this car and came out here

Something that people from our area don't even dream of doing Right, you know, we were growing up. It was me and you and we stayed away Everybody else go leaves for a year. They come back. Oh, it's great. Fuck you guys You're losers and then three years later they come back with some story The grandmother died and they had to come back and take care of the house But they get in that shit they're going back We were the ones who stayed and you know, yeah, like I think at times and times that towards the end I did all the creepy shit to get out of there and never come back because it was so painful for me growing up

That that was in the back of my mind psychologically. I was like, you know what? Maybe I just did that shit towards the end just so I never had to go back there But we were talking about graduating high school And that's when I really met you 81 82 Like I had no dream at all Danny Like when I was hanging out at Joan Mary's and that Corkies I had a dream of being a drug dealer

And being successful that was it Or playing a part-time thief like like James Kahn and busting into jewelry stores And making 30 grand and partying for six months on an island Then robbing again. That was what I wanted my life to be. I didn't consider work I didn't consider fucking movies. I didn't consider legit working at a way Remember we could all get a job at apa making 40,000 50,000 a year to start in those days We could all get a job as a cop or a fireman or a longshoreman in those days those jobs were there They were right there

It was just it was I had no dreams Lee. You were way ahead of me. I had no dreams My dream was to go to corkies doing a ball get those bluebirds for two dollars a piece And hopefully and hopefully get tritches. I wanted them to suck your dickball or something. You know, I'm saying Oh Lisa tritches. That's that's right. Right. That's old school. Yeah. Well, you know what? We started hanging out in early 80 81 82 But I did know you in the 70s But yeah, you were in a different crew there, but we all became one crew You had the Robert Fulton and you had the harvest man and the Kennedy crew

And it seemed like in the 81 82 They all clicked at Joe and Mary's the midtown corkies Gregg release whatever the name well my world into you my real world into you was a kid named glenn conty Who I got to tell you something our friend ferney popped up on facebook And I had always and I had always heard rumors And they got confirmed he does look like he had hiv My heart broke farney. Yeah, because I had heard rumors in 87

I called and somebody threw him out of a christmas party because he was in the bathroom for an hour And when they finally opened the door he was shooting And it broke my heart and you know, I feel guilty in a lot of ways about ferney. I can't lie to you Uh, I can't imagine why glenn conty won't talk to me. I mean, I have he won't talk to nobody You know, it's funny. I I said the same thing. I was up at uh, genio bramo. It's his brother jason. They have that They have a superbowl party every year, you know, and I keep asking where's conty and They told me he isolated himself john mehan They were pretty good friends for a long time

And mehan told me that he'll contact him once in a while, but he He came back to north bergen after years and not talking to nobody and had one All nighter with the guys and that was it and then he just basically turned his back Now this is what I heard. I don't know for sure Because I always like glenn now. Oh my god, glenn and I glenn was a good kid. I his brother a chief too, uh, but glenn's glenn's grandmother and my grandmother were friends And so I knew glenn before I even came into north bergen when I still lived in fair view So I have a very long history with him. I was me and him were glued to the hip

From 79 To 84 he was I would take I would die for that kid and he knew it He fucking knew it. He knew that it whatever I had half of it was always his, you know Yeah, he was a good athlete good athlete going conty He was uh, he was my brother. It's hard. I still remember him And fernie and hollow no him and fernie driving me to the airport when the cops were looking for me When I was going to sarasota to hang out with gary hartman And I still remember them both looking in the car and they were both crying

I mean we knew I've always said it that moment was when we knew the summer like that's it High school was done Whatever had happened that summer it was over It was manhood like the cops were looking for me They wanted their jewelry back and here I am on a plane to sarasota. Who the fuck goes to sarasota To watch the road. Well, can donagy can donagy lives down there. So, you know the sarasota, but it's just weird What what were you thinking in 82 at that? Well, you know what I just got out of the army is the summer of 82 I I still feel that was my favorite summer. We were all young

For me, I had some money. I saved in the army. We didn't have to work It was just a summer party and and going down to seaside crashing into one room with 15 people That summer ever was the summer of 82 and then shortly after that september of 82. I headed out to california So I lived out in california three or four different three different times 81 to 83 88 87 to 88 93 to 94 So I lived in california on several occasions and one day. I really hope to get back there You know, if you get some fucking water, though I'm coming out there to you get water But uh, yeah, uh, I've been around the block and you're right. We we we expected thought that was funny. We yeah, we uh

We didn't get water from But listen, uh Most of the people like you said coco their version of escape and is moving to burgeon county They got away. They really went far. They went two miles up the block That area it's not I'm not even making fun of them that area You know, it's like people think oh when you beat them up for 8 000 They're gonna fly out the tempi and do what and do what what are they gonna do in tempi rent the car You think they got gps and they're gonna come looking for you. They don't know nothing

If you tell them you escaped to a landing city They'll shoot you What can I do? It's funny you said that in 83 Uh, james my cousin, you know james very well and greg of course uh He would old frank jumper Afraid he you know, the gangster up in richfield by mr. Mr. New Jersey, whatever Uh, he owed him about 10 large and he owed this other kid that I forgot his name

So we owed about 18 grand And then he boogies he came out to california nevertheless never went back And then when I did get back from california I bumped into frank jumper in a food stand in fucking uh West new york And i'm trying to avoid him because he's a big fuck and I know he's a big fuck dog This dude was juiced up in 1983 On decker decker and more decker

So but he was a big and you know, he was a connected guy I didn't realize how connected he was Until he got pinched and they tried to get me to testify against him for loan sharkin and show You know, pinched him right william frech pinched him You know who fucking prosecuted him governor christy actually was a prosecutor He's fucking crazy shit. I was just talking to somebody about that that I ran into uh But yeah, so that's how james got out to california owning the mobster's money Uh, but you're right. You go to atlantic city. They'll find you speak in atlantic city, man

I'll tell you what if they get the sports betting in the jersey, which any day now we're waiting on a ruling Was supposed to be in already But I'll tell you what it'll be big I don't know if it'll cure atlantic city's problems because the place is really hurting But it'll definitely open up some avenues and maybe start the recovery, you know for atlantic city And if it is legal i'm moving my ass out of california to new jersey and listen i ain't giving i no inside information But if I wanted to bomb some place, that's what I would bomb atlantic city You're doing everybody a favor

Just bomb us for just two miles around and start from scratch dog Start from scratch down there. That's why you just couldn't bring that. That's why I went down to keep me man Because every every summer twice or twice or some every year rather we go down to a lantic city It's the same shit. We just stay at the revel or one of the nicer places, but This year we said fuck it. Let's go down to keep me trying. It's so like nice You know the people are good. They're not crowded. It's very Victorian those shores are crowded now I've seen the pictures and it's fucking amazing. How many people could be on the beach? I refuse to be on the beach if somebody was four feet from me

I don't care whether she was beautiful young. I don't give a fuck. I don't want to be four feet from somebody I grew up when you had 10 feet away from me You could fart and scratch your pussy and fuck you could do a thousand things on the beach Now you have people right on top of you on seaside. No all those popular places. You still fern You don't go there. You got to go down to where where people can't afford it You got to go where they can't afford it And let me tell you we went from keep me the kids wanted to go to the boardwalk Which is only like seven eight miles to a wildwood

I haven't been to wildwood for fucking years 30 years. I haven't met the wildwood beautiful when I was a kid I don't know y'all dude. You kidding me now. It's a huge boardwalk There's literally three amusement parks on the boardwalk and it's like four miles long And it's nice and day you go from like you're in a different world six miles up the beach You know, you've got the people at the store smoking cigarettes on you think come on in We got a two for one special bring the kid in I'm like, okay But what a fucking I want to call white trash bar. Whoa The epitome of your white trash is fucking the wildwoods these days

Uh, but yeah, we go we go to where people can't afford it You know, I'm not trying to be stuck up or anything, but that's what you do You want to be left alone? You got a pay the extra money and you're left alone. Let me tell you That's what I found out. Let me tell you how tight I was at glen kanthi. I want people to wrap their hands around this Freshmen to sophomore summer again Freshmen to sophomore summer. It was this time around 35 years ago, we were kids that me glen kanthi and john bender

Went in on a summer house and seaside park new jersey for two weeks. We talked our parents two weeks To go down it. I hit the number in february for 2,500. My mom took five off the top 500 I had 2,000 a bank account. My mom goes don't touch it I fucking took that money. I started buying quarter pounds from joe reo And I started making oh my god. He became a cop too. He became a cop He's on facebook every day. He hates spicks and niggers Nobody hates fucking more races than joe reo and he's still my brother. I ain't mad at them. I love joe reo Dude, I'm not a fucker. I had my baseball card collection. Let me tell you something

I was in My yeah, that's fucking that name rings of bell big time Well, his two brothers were murderers The one brother was a cop that got thrown off and the other brother Stuck the flagpole up the gay guy's ass That's right. That's a ceramic guy. They stub the fucking hammer up his asshole. He was a ceramic gay guy That's right. That's why they weren't gay. When he were kids he used to make ceramics So the one brother went to jail that brother robbed my house

I had a eight ounces of pot that somebody had cracked the seeds in it So whenever you lit it was like explosive pot. It was like those candles that don't turn off Every time you Every time you let the joint Joey reo's brother stole it and that's how everybody knew that he had robbed me because he was selling nickel bags of explosive Explosive we You know fucking joey reo to galley from california. Oh, California at this point 87 I got this baseball card collection. It's this fucking interesting story

You know, I got I come back from california busted out and I know well baseball cards in the late 80s were at a all-time high So I figure i'm gonna sell these cards and I had every card from 1970 to 1979 Act up. So i'm gonna make a score. I'm thinking it worked 30 40 50 grand I come back and galley tells me oh man i'm fucked up Turns out he got caught doing something one night joey reo knows about my my baseball card collection tells him I'll let you go if you can be dandy's baseball card collection So five years later. I'm hanging out with scott zemina And the room always with a the thing on the street was hey, I got you bet. Yeah, I know everybody's got my baseball cards

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's funny ha ha So no and zemina tells me no I really got him because he wanted to marry you know or hooking up with joey reo's x his wife They got divorced So sure enough there was my baseball cards like seven years later five years later But they took out all the pink roses to tom sievers All that you know the johnny benches and shit and I still got those cards to this day minus the The big name players

Well, yeah, man, we got some fucked up people in that town Joey reo was the first player his house is the first time i've had dark rye almost lost my mind We're like ham and cheese on dark rye with mustard. It was the best thing. I even obsessed dark rye for like Tony it was because the joe reo I went through his house once his father made me a ham and cheese sandwich on dark rye I almost lost my mind. I was a cuban kid. I never had fucking dark rye Anything about sabatino at all he's at my he's at my a he's living somewhere. He's missing somewhere Another guy that was my brother my brother. Yeah, I grew up in funny funny guy He got banged up man. He got banged up on that shit. He couldn't he same shit like 1985 just the same shit

Left his wife his kids This was two years ago three years ago. They were looking from he was living with me hand on a couch He was still working for ups. He got six kids He was coaching baseball one day. He went on my a listen, man You got to remember one thing again. Like I always tell Lee I loved anthony. I grew up with anthony. I grew up on giving out terraces. He grew up on charles court was right next to me Charles court I fucking he lived next to the iceman the guy who was the iceman's cousin the pronga

Which john pronga is on facebook the one brother. He changed his name. I found him You know what? I didn't want to intrude his privacy. I totally I was in the contact him and put him on the podcast And I said leave you know what he went through enough That kid went through enough why am I gonna bother and put him on the podcast and exploit the fucking kid? But sabatino was my brother. Uh, I went his mom used to give me extra sandwiches She was the lunch lady at mckinley. Good lady. Good lady. Yep. Good lady. I'm a good family These people are who the fuck I am they're who I am the sabatino's that name is in my head every fucking day It's the funniest name I've ever heard

Last time I saw him was uh the summer of 2012 I had my place up in we hawken He called me up. He needed to borrow a couple of dollars I hooked him up. But I think two or three hundred bucks He looked like shit. I asked him hey listen you want to crash here for a little bit It's like now I got to get home. It's my kid's birthday And that's the last I saw of him. I think it was june of july of 2012 Because I ran into him and me in you know, because I was up there for about I don't know about two years

You know, I had that place up in we hawken And I bumped into me in and then I started going out here and there with those two and you know I started like what the fuck am I doing? I got two kids. These guys are trainwrecks still and It was fun. I had some laughs, but I'm like, oh, I can see how no, no, no, no, you can't do that anymore No, I could see how if you could fall back into that that that fucking town It's cursed. Oh, it's fucking cursed. It really is at that first bar. I would shit my pants I can't even be around it. I can't even be in a bar no more Danny You start shitting just a daughter throwing coke, right? No, no, no, no, no, no

I can't even step in a bar at this age like I'm Um, it's over like my instincts just stop like people tell me come to the bar next door. It's not happening It's never happening. I cannot go to a bar. I do not want to see a bar I saw enough bars growing up. I don't I saw a bar for fucking eight lifetimes You know what you're playing in the clubs all the time. I know man. I grew up You know, I grew up uh in new york city when it was new york city And I had the extreme fortune. I was very fortunate that I knew people and from time to time I'd steal some money and I go into those little bars in manhattan. I go in there with a grandma blow by myself

Mm-hmm, and I know the best little spots. I don't know where they are now. Who the fuck knows that was 20 years ago You know what? I was a notorious party by myself Me too. I love that shit I do I do like a weird shit like the guys are leaving the city at two in the morning I refuse to leave that be just like just leave me here to like what are you talking about? I just Oh, I'll see you tomorrow. I'll take a cab home I fucking find a little hole in the wall party by myself hanging out with homeless people All types of fucking weird shit now I drink at home when I drink I drink right at home with my wife

We have a couple of drinks And and that's it. We keep it fun. We keep it safe. No homeless people anymore What's that? No, no once in a while. I'll grab a homeless guy just to you know shake up the past a little bit But uh, we're going, you know, we're almost married 15 years now You know, we're uh getting ready to go up next week to celebrate a couple of days together. We're gonna do some uh Zip lining up and make they got naked ziplining. We're gonna try it out Naked naked zipline. No, you're left. I'm not laughing at that. I'm just looking at Joey's face We're gonna do

Back too, so I'm I'm just gonna have so I'm gonna We're gonna zipline, but we're gonna keep our clothes on Kind of it was like that shark story that never happened But sometimes I do want to put people on boogie boards and just float them out there and cut them just to see what happens Like get out of the fucking water you morons You're fucking wondering when you're getting that's their water. Stay out of their water. Don't go in the fucking shark water You know, he's both people are stupid sometimes there. I love your cock sucker. We got a boogie out of here Yeah, your boogie board. Don't go on the boogie board. Uh, but yeah, listen, it's always a pleasure

And I know you're up this way in September. I'm gonna stop by and see you in Manhattan in September power Have a good time. I love you Danny B. Thank you for taking the time You bring me back the fucking 20 minutes people listen to us talking like what the fuck lingo is that? What the fuck language is that that these guys are talking all of a sudden we sound the same Don't tell me this lady's not going in with diarrhea. I love you. I gotta go Danny B. Stay black. He's gone Oh, he's gone. Yeah Holy fuck who knocked on the door. Who does this type of action very nice older Mexican lady forgot her key to the bathroom I was stoned to the fucking girls and the owner came by earlier

But she was just she told us that she parked in our space. I was like, we're gonna kick that again like the past two ones Jesus, can we talk about this for speaking again kicked out? What? You knew I was nervous On monday and you call me like every 15 minutes saying the cops are coming Don't answer the door Don't answer the phone because I know you you hello And you may promise you like you like don't answer the phone unless it's a phone call from either me or paula

Like you're really serious about it Every 15 minutes the cops are coming We ate that bar of death the corolla bar a thousand milligrams today. We mixed it up with some stars at that Listen, we got some great pictures in the mail from the great artist Now He wrote a little letter here. Listen to you guys all the time. I hear joey stories and it says that we walked in my path He wanted to send some love don't ever stop Brady Ferguson he drew some nice fucking pictures of us. They're beautiful

Revamped the studio here when we get the music podcast going i'm gonna put these up He did a beautiful job. I weigh like 400 pounds in that picture brady cocksucker. I love you though And look at lee you loot all lee needs is a fucking hat. You got a part-time job at main fings Chinese restaurant main fings main fings. That's a new chain. I'm fucking inventing right there and shit Well, you think you're dealing with cocksucker Anyway, some shout outs on my main cocaine tamales always there for me Mr. Gonzo Casey jones greg and lin powers. I got the email about cuba. Let's make it happen paul lynch

philip reyes I don't know what the fuck this is wait for dust the black dude. That's a cool motherfucker. That's a good guy and matthew madelins I love you cocksucker. I'm gonna be in atlanta this weekend. Oh Yeah, lana. I can't fucking wait And i'm gonna be in fucking chicago in two weeks. That's all you need to know then we're doing the ice house It's gonna be a light summer lee light summer. I gotta take it easy I gotta dip under fucking 280 and then we'll talk business. You know what i'm saying? I feel you don't but no it's uh I had no aspirations. I was gonna ask you about that. What?

so you like you said when I like When you were graduating all you could think about was getting like drugs here, whatever like a whatever you just told danie when I was I don't From the time I can remember I was always thinking I want to go to college to do this or to do that or during high school I was really worried about the college applications and all that

Like if you were going to talk to 17 year old you What would what was like on your mind like nothing of that at all you were just thinking about the present Well because of the situation I was little winded To put it lightly Your mother died of course a little winded and once that college thing came up and that whole thing with high school Me dropping out and coming back

I Just didn't feel like Somebody had spoken to me about maybe getting scholarships and stuff And I always thought about the trades You know being a performer or a carpenter and shit I knew the carpentry wouldn't work because I figured I'd saw my finger off on my feint or something. I would too So I knew that wasn't but I really like masonry

But I couldn't get a book for masonry in jersey I had to get a laborers book and hopefully get put on with masonry guys and work a certain amount of days And then I could become a laborer for the mason something weird. There was a loophole So that was when I went to colorado I I got into the masonry. That's what the story I was telling before was the 4th of july I work for chip chilson masonry And I remember that was my first 4th of july away from jersey Ever like ever like I ever

And here I was working till lunchtime For like 15 bucks an hour. He paid me time and a half or something And then I was going to a barbecue at a guy from new zealand's house and his wife And when I got there it was like 15 people there and here's this kid, you know, like in the back of my mind like that I'm like If they only knew That I robbed the fucking jewelry store less than a year ago Would these people even and I wouldn't say nothing

I try to be I didn't know who I was trying to be I would talk about movies. I'd talk about food I didn't talk about any of my personal life in jersey then nothing They would ask I'd ask a few questions north bergen. They would say oh bergenfield. No hudson county but uh No If I was 17 I once read a thing that if you went read the wall street journal for four years

You got more out of it. I think I had my college education And then always stuck with me for a while like Do you really need a college education? The only reason I was going to college was for my mother's witches, right? But once I started taking night courses, I had to tell you Lee I liked it I really enjoyed it. I I missed that today. I would love to get a second chance at going to college I I still wouldn't I still wouldn't go to college as a raw raw guy What does that mean? I still wouldn't go to college. I wouldn't get

I know that for my child For you as a young man, I would tell you To the way to make it in college today is to get involved You have to get involved You have to Uh be part of a group You have to mingle, you know, you have to See other things you have to sign up for all those workshops. They give you

That's the only way you get the most out of college. Yeah, you know, but on the other side of me I know that at least I should also work 20 hours a week I live very contradictory So for me, I know that I'm gonna go sit and listen to some black guy play the piano with a little hat on and shit And I got to make believe I'm entertained I already heard and seen this shit well, it doesn't

I mean Or whatever the fuck it is, but aspirations doesn't have to mean college like it could have been It could have been in high school. You wanted to be a comedian So we're gonna go listen. I didn't aspire to go to college But I didn't also want to be that guy that didn't go to fucking college at least didn't fucking try Okay With all the opportunities available to you how the fuck can you not want to go to college? You know, there's a fucking paperwork

There's shit that you could do to get into some college and get some type of fucking degree No matter how dumb you are, there's a college somewhere that'll take you. Am I lying to you? Am I lying to you? No as long as you pay the fucking tuition There's valley college. You get a degree in fucking philosophy from barry. Can I can you're not? Yeah That's the same fucking degree you're gonna get from somewhere else And when you go into that interview and you interview it doesn't matter whether you get you've told me yourself It doesn't matter what it says or not even though the other dad did see a girl with emerson's shirt on And I almost said something to her and I go what the fuck it's the fourth of july

Why would you talk to me right and that that's really all it is is that's the They want to see that you attended that's it and then they might call a reference. Yeah He attended here that he really get bees. Yeah. Was he part of the fucking suck muck dick group? Yes. He was okay What the fuck Scythe fucking that's a good group why poly fucking sire Suckie suckie group or whatever the fuck it is. I don't know nothing about this shit That's it. Lee. What the fuck he needs three stars. You're sad. Yeah, fuck. Yeah. What are you doing tonight? Tonight I'm doing

Nothing because of this. Yes, you are you gotta do something with your life You're gonna start sons. I already. Oh, yeah, maybe I'll do that. All right. I already went to the gym today Sure you did. How long did you do on the thing an hour and you did so yesterday? Yeah. Do you see yesterday? That's good It's I was thinking on the drive over here how every week I have the notebook with what I'm gonna write down and what I'm gonna do for the week And it's weird that right before I got on the plane. I look at that sheet. I'm like fuck I didn't do that and I didn't do that but I did eight out of ten things out on that list Just by writing it

Yeah, maybe you want to do you know, it's uh It's crazy to this How it doesn't make it it makes you feel good when you check something off of the list If you're gonna work for yourself and You're gonna be independent contractor You have to have some type of schedule in your life. So you're never stale I can't ever even uh, yeah, dad was in the house

Writing in that fucking book and then I said, let me write comment. I went outside I smoked a number and I sat in the sun and it was two different worlds for me You know, we fucking vegetate too much that little jujitsu. What is that an hour and a half? What do you got? How many hours in a week? Seven times 20 fucking four Then you divide that by fucking eight times So you need 56 hours. So 160, right? So you get 56 hours of sleep You got a hundred hours. You ain't got an hour and a half to go to the jujitsu class You ain't got five hours to put into a fucking collet when you break it down like that

You'll be embarrassed of your life. Yeah, what you really do with your fucking life when you break it into a time table So whatever seven times 24 is how many hours a night you sleep eight Right seven times eight is what 56 So if there's 160 And you minus 56 you still got a hundred hours. That means you got a hundred hours to play with all week You don't go to a gym. You don't take a class You don't do something constructive for three or four those hours a week. There's something wrong with your life You really gotta look at it that way hourly wise. I don't care if you go learn Chinese figures

Who gives a fuck at least you're taking your mind off your miserable life? I mean that's the way I look at it And that's why I go to jujitsu because that hour down an hour 45 minutes back cutting people off and shit At least it takes my mind off writing a joke and you know, I gotta get on the plane and I beat myself up Just like anybody else, you know, you just want to keep your mind occupied Especially when you're in an independent contractor at least if you have a job for 40 hours You're doing something for 40 hours that your mind is somewhere else. Yeah five those hours You're gonna fridge it on the computer and look at you pulling and bang one out

But for the most part Do you ever tell someone to like Check you or whatever because I'm working on that seminar. I'm doing so I'm working on it And I told paula that she has to like check and see you like I've made progress every week Do you ever do that or you just all self-policed? Because sometimes I need to know somebody's gonna like get mad at me Here's the beauty of this that Everybody thinks that they're smart enough to control everything after years

We all do that until one day you realize you have friends around you And these friends care about you and they know your sense of humor And they also know what you're trying to do. They see the light. That's why you're friends with them as crazy as I am I'm friends with john bud today. I went to eagans with john bud. You know that, right? Yeah, I went to john bowie. I love john bow. He's a good guy. He's been nice to me and uh What was I talking about? Friends around you helping you. Yeah, and you have to ask Two or three of your friends for advice that know you

I came to you last week with a problem About the special and I told you what my numbers were and what my parameters were and we both agreed on them, correct? Yeah Are you are you a comic? No But you have a different kind of mind and you know this is why I come to you Yeah, you need you need different points of view. I go to my wife who's shrewd as fuck And she sees the green tape and she sees the white tape because she's an accountant I take my ideas to her So I take them to the most intelligent people I know pretty much and then I'll call a friend from jersey who I trust is judgment

I'll call one of them So now I have three judgments in my judgment out of those four judgments something's got to be right You follow me? Yeah, because I've had the same formula for fucking years with my life I've always asked people that I trust that judgment that'll say to me. You know what? I like you I'll miss you if you're gone, but you can't stay here. You're gonna die from doing drugs or something's gonna shoot You could they're gonna catch you robbing their drugs So you need friends like that to around us with you, you know, I was watching james brown movie

Okay, did you watch that? Yeah when he goes to the guy's office and he wants to do a live production And it's a big fat jew. Oh, yeah, and he goes. Yeah, but it doesn't sell and all of a sudden he takes his shoes off And the jew gets up and he starts dancing And he goes, what the hell are you doing? He goes, I'm doing the mashed potato. He goes, I don't do it right, right? He goes, that's right. That's not my part of the business. I know the business side of music So you take you should know how to do the mashed potato and I'll take care of the business side. Do you follow me? So I don't know everything about everything. So I have to ask questions Right and I'm not gonna ask an agent because they're fucking greedy and stupid, you know, they're not gonna give you their

Real advice they're gonna give you an advice from a monetary sense How much are we gonna make on this? Right? So I gotta go to people who care. So that's how I make my decisions As of the moment I'll call rogan. I'll call arie You know, and you you make a joint fucking decision. Somebody's gonna come up with their own Answer and it'll all help out to the cause What's with the questions? Let's wrap it up here. Let's give a shout out to the sponsors What are you guys going on this weekend? Anyway, talk to me. We're going to san francisco

Okay, what are you leaving tomorrow morning friday morning friday morning? And what time you're leaving? Uh, we're actually thinking about leaving at like six to be honest just to get up there by like around lunch time Because if we don't leave at six, we have to leave at like 11 Because otherwise those will get stuck in the morning traffic So you're gonna get stuck anywhere, but not north not too bad. Yeah, it's not that bad and then We're just we like to eat so we looked at a couple places to go eat We're gonna go to that hate ashbury part of town It's gonna go get some clam chowder. It's gonna be fun

Two years for you. It's fun. Congratulations, brother. You've come a long way on the show, you know Thank you, but I see you were like rocky's wife when I made All fucking little bit. Look at you got a pep to your step. You're putting down three stars of debt You're slinging dick and frisco like fucking clays wouldn't escape from Alcatraz And you're taking us to the next motherfucking level, you know what I'm saying? Well, it's crazy for you too. I mean you just went on roguing yesterday All right, and just think just what we're talking about earlier like Look what what anything was gonna happen one of those first roguing ones you were on on either the couch or when they were sitting

Just in in these kind of chairs I mean, how cool was that for you two guys? Do you ever guys just talk about that like how? You're sitting in in front of like a thousand or so podcasts of just you guys is Although just your own podcast not the hundreds of other ones you've done And it's just it's as much of a part of you as being a comedian now Like four or five years later Like I told you before Lee if you think when I was in that apartment bold I was thinking about podcasting or being on the johnny karson show

around late night with the late dave letterman I said I had no Nothing, I knew nothing about this bro You know this was I used to fucking giggle at rogue and we first did it at night. I used to go. I'm not going over that Really? I'm not going out. I'm not I was cleaning sober then. I was just smoking dope. I'm like, I'm not going over that I'm not going over there And uh, look look what happened and corolla and mark marvin fucking tremendous lineup at the store last night Just enough to scare the pants off really and I can't lie to you Lee

I got a little fucking anxiety again. God damn it not nowhere near Last week nowhere near last week Do you think you were just nervous about it because of last week? It was packed and I have no idea what I fucking said I just had a great time on stage and I guess that's the fucking bottom line It's just to have a great time on stage and be loose Like tony and motherfucking 84 Anyway, you want to be loose? You got to have good underwear. You understand me? That's where me on these come in

The fucking quality the the craftsmanship. They're the way they fit How comfortable they are? Oh my fucking god And you know what I don't wear them with jeans just because the jeans cover everything I'm going from point A to point B But if I'm doing jujitsu something athletic, I put my me on these on the nuts stay intact Not too much sweat keeps everything dry. And you know what man? Go to me on these.com Look at all the fucking selections. They got a men's and women's underwear T-shirts cut off sweats long sweats. They got some cool ass shit, man

Go over to me on these. Take a look. You know, I'm not messing with you. What else Lee? Yeah, anything else to say about me on these? I got sucked in you and you're right, dude Especially if you do jiu-jitsu if you don't have right the right underwear on you're gonna have to readjust Anything if you don't do anything you got to readjust if you're on a bike at the gym And you're trying to warm up and you're pedaling you're not always pops out of your left side or your right side Fuck that me on these go to me on these dot-com right now and press in joey and get 20 off in canada and the united states But I had no idea girls didn't don't like when you scratch like I We were out there the night the other week and I was doing it like just outside of the bench and paul looked at me

Like I was crazy. Yeah, women don't like nobody likes me women would never Scratch a nothing in public. That's why you got to give them credit. We're the only animal That we have an itch you only control it We're not gonna get up and go all the way to the fucking bathroom to pull a nut out Sometimes the nut gets tucked in by mistake. You ever have that and you're sitting there. You're not in pain Sometimes i'm on circumcised the tarot net gets caught Sometimes I got to sit there with it tucked in and have a conversation with somebody I think I feel like that but anyway

Right inside the tarot net like the skin of the helmets halfway like a little sausage And it gets caught and it feels weird Anyway, go to me on these dot-com right now and press in joey and get a great selection Of underwear for men women sexy women stuff. I'm telling you. This is the bung bigly. I wouldn't be fucking Fuckers know how good me on these words. They ain't that they weren't that good. What are they pressing? Joey and praying 20 off and free delivery Bung bigity bomb diggity. That's what I meant to say a little cotton mouth. It's like I've been in Biafra all fucking night

On it tremendous You know why I eat these edibles because I pop this alpha brain like they're going out of fucking style. You understand me? I go on alpha brain cycles. You like joey. What's alpha brain? You told me about it last week I'll tell you it's a complete earth-grown neutropic with alpha gpc And ac-11 Don't ask me what it is. Go on fucking the computer and you'll see how good this stuff is You know how good it is to give you 100 money back guarantee and then you want the product back That's how strong fucking on it is. Okay. This starts with alpha brain

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I can only help you on the supplement whether it's the mct oil or the the testosterone Listen go to honet.com right now and press in church boom and get 10 percent off your first order They also have to stay on the program. I mean they're all over the computer Start change your life today start on it right now I think you like majority boy type of snacks. You got any of those stars at that? I can't fucking help you live in Ohio I can't fucking help you but I'll tell you what I will get you. I'll get you some snacks Nutritious delicious snacks Nutritional is to prove you don't have to eat fucking garbage no more. You don't have to eat fucking processed shit

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You know stop complaining. All right They're giving you two free nights of snacks while you're there smoking dope for free And now you want to complain about a little dollar ninety a cheap fuck anyway Go to naturebox.com right now and press in naturebox.com slash joey boom and there you have it But hook don't go nowhere a couple weeks ago I got a little box and blue apron. I cooked up both meals And I retweeted the pictures just to show you Between you and me you guys know i'm half retarded

You do know that i'm fucked up. I can't cook my wife had to help But I did it and I did it because uh That's how I roll. All right I wanted to really give blue apron a try before I gave I busted your people's balls Let me tell you what blue apron does they deliver foreign fresh ingredients and step by step recipes You could be a fucking complete mo mo They deliver it right to your home allowing you to create the handcraft meals at your home Without going to the fucking grocery store these fucking products refreshing there. I'm not busting your balls

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But you could still make a little fucking blue apron dick It's perfect for cooking with friends and even family plan Let's say you're fucking divorced and you're a loser and the kick comes over To spend the night you could impress them. They got kid-friendly ingredients to the whole family glee well And you had fun preparing the meals together each meal is 500 calories Five to 700. I'm sorry for serving and it's fucking tasty The two meals I had two weeks ago were tremendous the fish and the steak whatever it was tartar Tremendous and this is what they got this week. All right flat iron steak romano bean and barley risotto

Are you fucking kidding me or what stir fried Szechuan eggplant. Who's ever fucking done nothing like that? You know who blue apron, but don't take it from me All right, do me a favor. We're gonna hook you up with two free meals by going to blue apron dot cos no blue apron dot com Slash joey. That's right Blue apron dot com slash joey might treat really the first two meals are on me when you go to boy from dot com slash joey All right. Dot com slash joey. So there you have it. You have on it beyond these dot com nature box and blue apron I'm hooking you up with two free fucking something somewhere along the box. Don't bother me no more All right, who hooks you up with nothing at least you take an ear beating you get something for free

Right or wrong if you're gonna take the ear beating from uncle joey from fucking lisa yet You might as well get a nature box or a nice blue apron two dinners on me. All right And that's it. I'm going to atlanta cocksuckers I love you guys with all my heart. Thank you for another fun fill week here with myself and lisa yet We're over here trying to make your hour more enjoyable, man. That's all we're trying to do Right cocksucker always. All right. Look at this poor bastard. I just love the idea Hey, you're divorced. You live in a small apartment. Your life's over. I've been there I've been there if I would have had blue apron. I would have been a fucking better dad

I probably would have been there right now and that's what a podcast Jumping up and down when you fucking baboops You know, I love you have a go weekend. I'll see you monday after no monday night We're a great fucking guest next week episode 300 next wednesday two o'clock 300 episodes lee that's crazy 300 episodes people. Thank you for taking the fucking crazy ride with us. We'll see you next five a.m What are you doing you're not gonna close it out? I am Right now

The show is brought to you by blue apron Blue apron sends gourmet recipes and all the fresh ingredients you need to make them right to your door Our listeners get their first two meals free. Just go to blue apron dot com slash joey And start cooking incredible meals at home with blue apron blue apron dot com slash joey Now that the show is over don't forget to go to naturebox.com And sign up to get your free sample box of great tasting healthy snacks Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like barbecue kettle kernels

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Playing the mantra Catching the mantra Peace on earth We all been playing those mind games forever Some kind of through it do Lifting the veil Doing the mind I'm gonna realize

Some call it magic The search for the grail Love is the answer And you know that The show Love is the flower You gotta let it you gotta let it grow So keep on playing those mind games

Together Faith in the future Out of the now You just can't beat all those mind games Answer the elsewhere In the stones of your mind Yeah, we're playing those mind games forever Projecting our images

In space and time Yes Is the answer And you know that The show Yes Is surrender You gotta let it

You gotta let it go So keep on playing those mind games together Doing the ritual Dancing the sun Millions of minds I'm there in love Born in this old power To the comic wheel

Playing those mind games forever Raising the spirit A piece of love Love Love Love To make you