Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #310 - Jason Stuart

Episode Date: August 20, 2015

Jason Stuart, Comedian, Actor, and Host of the "Absolutely Jason Stuart" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/joey to get your first two meals free   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   
NatureBox. Visit naturebox.com/joey for a free trial box.   MeUndies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off.   Recorded live on 08/19/2015.
   Music:
 It's All About The Benjamins - Puff DaddyBlack Hole Sun - Soundgarden

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You go to www.naturebox.com slash joey and you're going to get a sample box on them. Also go to www.meandies.com slash joey and you're going to get 20% off of your first order out of the great underwear. They have men's underwear, women's shorts, t-shirts, socks, the most comfortable clothing you're going to wear. When you go to www.meandies.com slash joey you get 20% off of your first order and right now they're offering you free shipping in the United States and Canada. This is early this year on the church. It's my two favorites. Oh shit. Go Jason Stewart.

Wiggle Funkle Joey. What? You want a little Cuban boy? Oh yeah. This is where it starts. This is where it starts Jason. What? What?

What? Ah. The flying Jew in the house, my little brother. I'm tired. I'm tired. You can't be tired. I'm tired. This is your time baby.

Give me a little shoulder. Give me a little shoulder Jason. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Ah. What's happening you bad motherfuckers. Who is that? That's Puff Daddy. Oh. It's all about the Benjamins.

It's Passover. Puff Daddy. Yeah. Formerly Pee Diddy. Formerly Pee Diddy. Formerly Sean Combs. Formerly. Formerly Bad Actor.

Formerly. Richest Faka. Yeah, Richest Faka. I don't care. I think he made most of his money on vodka. Ditty. On Sorok maybe. Yeah.

When he came out with a perfume that said he was the king. I thought, oh God. Next. This is too much. I mean you cannot be mad at this kid. I'm not mad. No, no, no. I'm just not interested.

No, no, no. In reality, I mean he's done. He started. No, you know, there was no silver spoon. There was nothing, you know. So that's why I'm not a fan of his. I don't know jumping up and down. But I have a problem with somebody that makes things, comes from a certain area and then

makes things that are so expensive, then he, you know, PRs them to kids who can't afford to buy them. It seems, I don't know. Hey, the same way cocaine took over. Everybody was smoking pot for five hours. Also, somebody showed up with a package that cost a yardstick. Oh my God. That's why I'm doing cocaine.

95% fucking markup all of a sudden in two days. Yeah. I don't know why I stopped smoking pot and went to cocaine and crack on Thursdays. It's just got to be too much. It's all too much for me. It's always been too much for you. Oh, I'm toe time. Now you were born in New York?

I was born in New York in the Bronx. How long did you stay there for? I was a baby boy, but I've gone back so much and I'm so New York-esque. You know what I mean? I think because my mom is so Brooklyn that I think that it's very much a part of me. It's the way I grew up. I also grew up in an area of all Jews from New York. And then the black families moved in.

And then that's when I got my boyfriend. My boyfriend's black and I'm going to be in trouble. Now, your parents, when they grew up, they were both Jewish. Both Jewish. And both grew up in the Bronx. No, no. My father was Holocaust, Poland and Russia. So my father came here in 1949, running from the Nazis.

He wasn't in the camps. He was in the discos. I mean, the ghettos, like in the movie The Pianist. And he came here. He used to say, Jason, what are you crying for? Why are you so upset? Why do you make a big deal out of everything? What do you do?

You're so stupid. I said, Dad, I'm eight. So he ran from the Holocaust? Oh, yeah. Him and his family and my grandmother and my grandfather and my uncle, who's still alive. My father's passed three and a half years now. Sorry about that.

They stuck together as a family. My grandmother was sort of psychic and they knew where to go. And they were sponsored in this country. And then they came here in 1949. Yeah. And it's so funny because it's always a part of you. I am not a religious person. I don't even believe in religion, honestly,

but I'm very Jewish culturally. And it's very much a part of who I am. When you say culturally, you celebrate everything. No, it's not about the celebration of traditional holidays or anything. Because we make everything up. I mean, we do. Oh, everyone does.

If we had to eat the food that they ate, my mother would go, ah, this is shit. You know, I mean, she would never do that. She'd never, dried out radish and what an apple and a piece of, is that an almond? What the hell is this? That's the brisket and some potato pancakes. That's the best for Hanukkah?

That has nothing to do with Jewish food. It's the best though, I don't care. We made it Jewish food. It wasn't before. So pastrami wasn't Jewish food. No, it's the delis in New York. Hilarious. We made that up.

Here, I thought I was a half a Jew because I like pastrami. No, no, and I like tamales. I'm in the search for the right tamale. When I was a kid, my mother used to have a girlfriend, Marta, who used to take us on New Year's Day. She'd have this big party. And it's the tradition in the Mexican families to have tamales on New Year's Day.

And they were so good. And I said to my mom the other day, she's 78, and she still shops at Forever 71. And she says, I said, Mom, what happened to Marta? You were such good friends with her. And she goes, oh, Marta, I think I slept with her husband. What do you mean you think? Yeah, I did.

Was it an affair or was it just a one-time thing? And then she says to me, you know, I don't remember. Well, that's why she's not talking to you. I wonder why you don't have any friends. So you grew up in the valley? No, I grew up in the Fairfax area. No shit. Yeah, on Maryland Drive in the Fairfax area.

The house that I actually grew up in was torn down recently. So you went to Fairfax High School on that? I was beat up there by very, very famous kids. Now, when you were going to school, like I heard just Timothy Hutton. Oh, God, I went to grammar school with Jody Foster. Fresh off the courtship of Eddie's father? Yeah. Well, honestly, I went to her before that.

I knew her when she was probably, her brother was a much bigger star. Right. She was in the courtship of Eddie's father when she was six. Yeah, but her brother was a much bigger star. He was Buddy Foster. He was a regular on maybe RERFD. And I just thought if I could get to him. I went to school with Michelle Green from LA Law.

And it's so funny because I was guesting on an episode of Strong Medicine. And we're in the makeup room. And I was talking to the makeup person today. And she says, Jason? And I couldn't believe that she remembered me, you know. Because I went to school with her. Her and Michelle Tobin, who were in my favorite movie, yours, mine and ours. But no one's going to remember all this because it's so obscure.

Obscure. But like a friend of mine, he was an agent of mine. He's in Vegas now. But he told me he went to high school with Paulie and the chick that's in. Well, me with Timothy Hutton. So that was, you know. Right, right. You went to school.

Fairfax High. Fairfax High. I'm sure there's more people. I just can't remember now. It's so long ago. And then what are the other high schools around there? The one by Selma? Hamilton High.

What's the one by Selma in Harlem? That's Hollywood High. That's Hollywood High. And then there's John Burroughs Junior High School. And the other one, I have Bancroft Junior High School. I went to John Burroughs. I went to Hancock Park Elementary School. Did you?

Looking back on it, wasn't good going to school? Like with all those people? Was it a nightmare? Yeah. I was beat up and followed home and tortured. And, you know, school was terrible for me. I couldn't wait to get out. Were you a child actor?

No. Well, yes. I did school plays and community theater. And I started studying when I was 14 in professional classes with a professional coach. When I was 16, I started pursuing my career. And the first play I auditioned for was at the Met Theater. It was Picnic. And Nick Nolte starred in that.

And then this second play I auditioned for was Streetcar Named Desire. And Jeanette Comer and Ed Harris starred in. And so funny because I recently auditioned for Amy Madigan, who was directing a play. And I told her that story. And she was sort of sweet in touch. And I thought, oh, I got this part. Well, apparently I didn't. But she liked me a lot.

Yeah, but I grew up in this town. No, you were acting first. Always. When did you try to stand up? When I was in my early 20s. And you said you took a Harvey Lembeck course? I was at Harvey Lembeck's Comedy Workshop. Oh, God, everybody was in that.

Where was this at? It was at Paramount Studios. It was a very big deal at the time. And Sam Kenneson and Carl LeBeau were in the class running around like crazy people pretending they were bees. And I thought, oh, these guys will never make it. But they were funny, but just crazy. Michael Lembeck was in the class all the time. His sister, Helene, who still teaches this class.

Oh, God, everybody was on happy days. Laverne and Shirley and the gate could get a job to save his life. I swear, God, no one wanted to hire me. Nobody wanted to hire me. My first job was in a movie. The first movie I did was in a movie called The Lost Emperor. Not the Bertie Lutzi film. The shit one with Robert.

Were you open last year? No, of course not. At this time you were not open with that? No, but my first job was gay dude number one. And my first line was, give me back my purse. I swear to God. And the guy says to me, I had a manager who helped me get this part. And I was like, oh, I couldn't believe it.

I thought, OK, I want to pretend like I'm playing a part because I want to be noticed gay. And he says, we're up lousy, you know, flamboyant shirt. And I brought one and he said, oh, this is not gay enough. I said, well, I'm not gay. I don't know how to do this. So he had me wear the makeup girls shirt. It was so humiliating. I was able to talk them out of the scarf.

But that was it. My first job was on a series. And if you remember this, it was a series. It was the late night comedy soap opera. It was called Life in Times of Eddie Roberts. It was on after Mary Harb and I played, I think my name was Smith and I played a ping-pong player, sort of like Sean Penn in a pothead. In Fast Times of Ridgemont High, I played this kid talk like this man.

I was like, dude. I don't think I could do it. It was so long ago. That was my first job. And I thought, oh, I made it. And I left college and decided to go anymore. And I thought this was going to happen. My second job was, you know, give me back my purse.

And then I couldn't get a job to save my life. So I had this manager said I should start doing comedy. And I started doing stand-up comedy. And I started waiting in line at the comedy star like every retard and every jerk. And, you know, and I remember this guy that would stand in front of me on the line all the time. He'd food all over his clothes. And he used to do these Johnny Carson jokes. And then I finally realized after a year of doing that,

that he was doing an impression of Johnny Carson. I just didn't get it because it wasn't very good. And that was my life. And Mitzi Shore finally let me come in as a non-paid regular. And I started working there. And then I started getting things. And then I had this guy, Vince Champ. I don't know if you remember Vince Champ,

got in trouble for raping girls on college campuses. Is he still in jail? Yeah, he has. That was 15 years ago. More than that, 20. And he actually... He's still in jail? Oh, yeah. Well, he's a rapist, a serial rapist.

But he was so nice to me. He got me all of my first jobs. I opened for Shirley Hemphill from What's Happening. And she says, Jason, do I look like a lesbian? In this outfit you would wear men's running pants and a press shirt and diamond earrings. I said, yeah, you do, Cheryl. And then she didn't talk to me for two days. And then Adam Leslie, I opened for him.

And it was Joker's Comedy Club. And I used to spray my hair up, do you remember? And I'd spray my hair up and wear silver lamei jackets and zebra pants and tiger jackets. And I'd dance in a circle because I didn't want anybody to know I was gay. It's crazy. And then I started teaching comedy traffic school. There was an ad in the paper in Variety that said, if you're funny and you want to work, comedians want it.

Something like that. So I went in and I became probably the most famous at that time, comedian teaching comedy driving school. Who else was there with you at that time? Oh, God. What year was this? It was 1984, 1985. Oh, my God.

That's a little... I was a baby. I thought, hold on one second. From the time you started acting at 14 to the time you got your first job, how many years was it? 16, I really started at eight. Okay. Had my first Purim play.

I was a slave. I ripped up one of my mother's sheets. It was like terrible. And when I started, I would say when I started my career at 16, that's when I started sending pictures out and resumes out and trying to get a job. And I had my first audition for Michael Richie since passed away for a movie called Smile with Barbara Felden and Bruce Dern. And I remember the audition so clearly.

My mother wore a red pantsuit with a push-up bra and a big hairpiece and eyelashes. And I remember going, God, I'm never going to get this party. It doesn't even know I'm in the room. It was all about her. It was her audition. I was 14, she had to take me away from school. I was 14, yeah. Because I was in John Burroughs Junior High School.

And I started, when I was 16 or so, really pushing my career. And I started doing professional plays. But I never wanted to do comedy because I didn't know how to do comedy as me. Because I didn't exist as a person. You know, it couldn't be funny because every time I was funny, people would think I was gay, so I was trying not to be funny. So I did Shakespeare. I did Shakespeare's Coriolanus.

And I did The Thriller Children's Hour. And I did Elanford Wilson play. And, oh, I don't remember so long ago. But I did a lot of stuff. And then I finally succumbed to comedy. But I started this crazy Pee Wee Herman, Judy Tanuta, Imo Phillips kind of, you know, crazy outfits and talking about how I was a fat kid and my crazy parents. And, you know, I never talked about myself past a certain point.

And then after 10 years of that and a role in kindergarten cop, which got me a lot of play, I finally decided to come out. And then I came out on the Geraldo show in an episode called Unconventional Communions. How old were you when you came out? Now you're going to try to get my old age thing. It's so sad. No, no, no. I'm just curious when...

I was in my early 30s. And what'd you do all those years? I lied. But you still slept with men? Only on the weekends. Only on the weekends. That's my new tour. It's called I'm Gay on the Weekends.

You know why? It's too much to be gay every day. It's exhausting. How can I do it every day? You have to be funny and you have to dress well. And I dress like a straight guy. You look like somebody's dad. Get off my porch.

When I read your thing, that was the first thing I noticed. The IMDb and the thing you sent me and I read your Wikipedia and it said, openly gay. And I sat and I got... I feel like I'm famous for it. Why be fucking gay if you're not gay? I don't get it. If it's my insides, this is who the fuck I am.

Well, because people hated us. And you have the self-esteem of a straight man. No, but you lose. You're going to lose. You're going to lose. Hello again. I know. I know.

I remember looking in the World Book encyclopedia and for the kids listening at home, that's the internet. And I'd opened it up and it would say homosexual. It said mentally ill. I really... I slapped that book shut and that was 10 years of fucking therapy. Yeah. You know, I didn't want to be that.

Did your mom know? Of course. Mothers always know. Okay. Did you discuss it with her? Oh, yeah. She took me to lunch. I was in my 20s and I said, mom, I think that I'm...

You know, I wanted to let you know that I'm gay and she goes, well, what do you mean? I said, well, she said, do you sleep with men? I said, yeah. Well, I'm gay. She said, well, what do you mean? What do you mean? Yeah. She couldn't...

She couldn't... Is it all the time? You know, it's like she wouldn't... It was like... She goes, I thought you were a little gay, but not completely gay. You know, everything with her is a question. I forget what Hollywood actor said it a few years ago, but he recommended that gay actors shouldn't come out like it would hurt their career.

I forget... It was Robert Everett. Do you agree with that? No, look at the career he's had. He's worked with some of the most incredible directors. He plays the prince in Shrek. He's probably making millions of dollars. He's king of British theater.

I mean, he's done movies with Madonna and Julia Roberts and all these great people working with Paul Schrader. I would kill you and him to be him. He's 10 times better looking than me. So what if it wasn't for career like... Stage Beauty is one of my favorite movies. He started that. I mean, I think people were just ungrateful.

Not everybody's going to be Tom Cruise, but not everybody's going to be Angelina Jolie. We're all not leading men. We're all not going to be that all the time. You get to stay on that street, you know, that Tom Cruise street. That's what I call it. You get to stay on that street if you're a leading man for a very short time. On my podcast today, I had Penelope N. Miller, who has a million. She's worked with everybody from De Niro to Puccino to...

Don Johnson, a man of ice. Don Johnson. Everybody. Now, Armie Hammer. She's in a movie with me. Oh, I'm in a movie with her called Birth of a Nation about Nat Turner, the black abolitionist. And I play a plantation owner in 1831, a straight guy. And I have a wife and a kid, and I talk like this, Todd Tynes in small forms, like you

and myself, breaking evens hard enough, but getting the heads impossible. So I play this guy completely different than me. And finally, after, you know, all these years, I'm getting to play straight roles or different kinds of roles. You know, I got a film coming out called Hush Up, Sweet Charlotte, which is a comedy parody movie like Airplane or Hot Shots. I've never done one of those. Really very stylized.

It stars Minx Stole from all the John Waters films and the famous drag queen personality, Vologene Merman. And I play Mr. Wills, and I play this British journalist, and I talk like this, and I'm very special and very nice. And somebody said, how did you think of playing that part? I said, I don't know. I'm somewhere between, I don't know, Anthony Hopkins and Hailey Mills in the parent trap. You know, because that's how I learned acting by watching other people.

Talk like this, Jerry. Very nice to meet you. You know, very talented. A bit crude, but I sort of like that, you know. And so I'm getting to play all these really cool character roles. And my life, things are changing. But it took forever. It took forever to show up and stay, and you know, you have periods of working a lot,

and then you have periods, you know, when you hit 40 all of a sudden, there's no roles for gay people. For me, you just, they're gone. They want them all to be young and pretty and shaved and, you know, buff and perfect. And I'm, you know, for my age, I'm in pretty good shape, but I'm not young anymore. Neither am I. There's no part, you know. So there are no gay parts.

You died 40, and then you come back, maybe when you're around 70, and some old guy plays you in a movie, you can't find you're a part. Oh, I was in that movie. I forgot. I played the guy that married them. See? No, let me ask you a question. This is Rupert Guy.

Rupert Everett. Yeah. No, let's get something. Like, who's the guy Sean Hayes? He's always been out. No. No. No.

He first came out, he wasn't out. No, I was up for that part. I'm Will and Grace. And I don't think they wanted a gay guy. I think, I don't think they would have said it out loud, because the two guys that made the show were very progressive, and they were trying to do something really different. And there's a lot of fear around it, but Sean had been in a very, very big film at Sundance called Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss, and it was a really big deal.

And there was something about Sean that was safe. I don't think I'm safe. I'm a nightclub comic. That's where, you know, I think there's a, there's a, you know, I'm going to challenge you where he was a little more, and I hate to say this word for the lack of a better description and Sean, I absolutely love you, but there was a neuteredness to him. He didn't wear his sexuality on his sleeve. He didn't, you know, I don't mean being feminine or whatever.

I mean his, he wasn't a predator. He wasn't a man trying to get another man. You know, he was a guy that was just, you never saw him have sex, and he was always talking about his boyfriends, but you never, you know, they weren't really always there, you know, where you'd see Deborah, you know, messing in bed with whoever she was, whether it was... Carnivally. ...Henry Hines, or...

That's interesting. Or Woody Harrelson. Carnivally played Will's boyfriend. Somebody. Oh, and I love him. Because it's... God, I love him. The reason, I think, at least for me, the reason why I'm asking you...

Let's just take a second. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to shut up and say, I like this type of conversation because it's all, I never heard this before. Well, and that's what's saying... Well, because it's not you. It's not your life. No, but you know what I mean?

It's not your experience. We have no... No, but you read it. I could have read it. I could have read it. That's what I'm saying, that I never could have read it. I could have read that and said... You didn't have to.

You know, you don't have to do all these things. You don't have to learn all these things. You get to go along and being a guy, you look like a guy that's in all these movies. I don't exist. I don't exist at all in movies today. What gay guy character is there, like me, on a TV show now, who's over 40, between 40 and 60? You don't even know.

Both of you just sat there with a real... Well, there's modern family. I don't watch a lot of TV. I don't watch a lot of TV. I don't watch a lot of TV. But movies, anything. This is what you both did. There's modern family, but it's kind of similar to...

The guys started out... They wouldn't let me up for that show. They said I was too old. And they cast a straight guy because they couldn't find a gay guy that was funny in Hollywood. I mean, you know... That's the worst experience. And they both look like they've never had sex with each other. There's no sexuality between them.

They're very... I mean, I don't watch the show a lot, but there's no sexuality between them. They're these comedy characters. If my boyfriend didn't touch me, or they don't talk about him being fat, and he's the bear, they don't talk about his... There's a certain group of guys that love heavy set guys. They don't talk about that. And that's very big in our community, and it's because it's straight people doing the

show. And the gay people that write on the show are afraid to write... If there was a website or a Facebook page, why doesn't Cam kiss this guy? It had been on for years, and they never even kissed. I mean, even Mike and Carol on the Brady Bunch got to kiss, and that was in the 60s, you know? Do you think America is not ready to see... No, I don't think it has anything to do with America.

It's always the TV people. It's never America. The people are great. I was one of the first to open the gay comics to headline mainstream comedy clubs. I started in 93, and I basically toured really like two weeks a year for 20 years. Two weeks a month. Two weeks a month. Yes, thank you.

And how were the receptions? Great. I sold out through... And who else was out there at the time? Very few. There was... Most of the gay comics were doing gay shows. I had come from being a nightclub comic, so I wasn't in that community when I first started.

And I also don't do... I'm not a performance artist. I'm not Jeanne Garofalo. I'm not Tig. You're a fucking original rune comic. I watched you for fucking years. That's why you're sitting there. You're an original rune comic.

But I'm not a performance artist. I'm not a heady comic. I'm just jokes, and I talk about my life, and I'm not that kind of hip-cool comic. I'm more of a nightclub comic. Rod Freeman used to call me the crowd pleaser, and that's who I am, so I never was in that room. There used to be the funny gay comics, funny gay male comics, and then there was Suzanne Westinhofer, who tried to do the mainstream comics, but she made so much more money by

doing the lesbian circuit that she didn't do it as much, because the money wasn't there. And they weren't paying gay people the same amount. I didn't make... Where I really made the money was at the gay events in the colleges in the years when I was really big in that. And I did that probably in the 90s until everything dried up. I did Gay Pride in Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1990. Do they think you were a bear?

I don't know. They paid me $1,500. I had never seen $1,500. Well, because in 1990? I had never seen $1,500. Well, they didn't know. Maybe they thought you were gay. They seen me at a comedy club, Dr. Grins, when there was two clubs in Grand Rapids in

1998. This was the shitty club. I guess they're good comedic groups. I work in Grand Rapids, too. I don't know where I work there. There was two clubs. There used to be two clubs. Dr. Grins.

And then there's another club that was just a death home. You did Friday and Saturday. Good fellows? Or what? Something crazy. Joey's. Kitchen. No, Joey's is in Dearborn and Livonia.

I did that and the woman hated me because there was these mafioso guys in the audience that were on the phone or pretending to be there. And you know me. I talk to the audience. Right, right. I'm very combative. If people haven't seen me, I'm very Joan Rivers, Don Rickle-esque. And I talk to them and I look at them and she said, how dare you talk to these guys

and tell them. And they never hired me again. Because I told them to put the phone. I used to line the phones up on the stage in the 90s and I would take them from people and that crazy. I love, I don't like when I go to the improv and I see an old gay show either. I like when I see a guy like you. Did you go with me to Santa Barbara to the college?

But they won't hire Joey. No, no, no. They won't hire. Did you hear that story? Yeah. I saw that one up in front of me. He took that rumor, he dissected it like Denzel Washington with a shotgun and trained with that.

Who wasn't? Cutest kid you ever saw. I went up to him and I go, dog, I worked the economy store and I was back there sharing in my boots because you had these motherfuckers out of your palm again. And they came up here. They were church people. They were black guest people. I go, you ripped that audience up.

I go, you're ready. He was 22 years old, little glasses, doesn't say much. Very introverted college student. And I said, when? I said, what happened? I don't know who I was. I said, this is six months ago. Oh, a new guy.

Yeah. I go, when are you going to come to Hollywood? Because they're going to kill for you. And he was like, I don't think I'm ready. I go, dog, you just lit that fucking room up in front of me. Like I haven't seen a pro do because he was very open. He had a very, he was gay, but he had a very confident delivery. He fucking believed what the fuck he says.

You know, he was talking about the problems with being gay and the pros and the cons and that everybody thinks that gay marriage, he doesn't want to be married. I mean, he just broke it down. It was 15 minutes, but he was well written. He was like, it's terrible that we can get married now. Yeah, he was. Because now I'm officially. I used to be a hot.

I don't want to. I used to be a hot single guy. Now I'm an officially an old maid. I'm like somebody on the Walton's living up on a hill. It's over for me now. No, I used to do. I had a great joke. Come on, straight people.

It's, you know, 2015, if you let us marry each other, we will stop marrying you. I sold it on t-shirts and everything. Well, now that's over. How many fucking guys I have like three female friends that have told me they dated a guy for three years. And one of the guys took her out to dinner, another guy showed up and said, I've been gay all these years. I have.

Were they fat? No, the girls weren't. There's a show about that on Netflix right now. There is. It's called The Last Train. No, it's it has like really famous actors as Sam Waterston. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a good show. It's a Lily Tomlin. It's called A Frankie and Grace. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I watched the first episode. Oh, my God. If there's a movie coming out in a couple of weeks, it's called Grandma. It stars Lily Tomlin, Judy Greer, Marcia Gay Harden, Sam Elliott. It's fucking brilliant. She plays this grandma who's a lesbian and it's about her relationship with her granddaughter and it was funny. It was touching.

I'm calling it now, Oscar nomination, best actress Lily Tomlin, supporting actor Sam Elliott. It's going to be first time for him, second time for her, and it's going to be best screenplay too. So I got to ask you a question. Let's pretend I go into, and it's a stupid question. I just realized that as I was preparing to ask you, but you should have taken so long to ask.

70% of the people I go into to see from movies or television are women, right? 70, 80% are women. To go to the movies? No, no, no. The fucking cast. Well, I know the cast. No, men are much bigger. Who's Pagano?

Who's left? Pagano? Fucking the guy that cast ... Oh, the casting director. Yeah, casting director. I thought that's just it acting in the movies. No, casting director. Cast directors are either straight women who are annoyed or gay guys who are bitter. Right, like that's what I'm saying.

When you walk into an audition room, do you ever feel anything? Well, when I was a kid, I felt like, okay, so pick up this piece of paper, put it in front of your face. That's the way I felt. Put it in front of your face for a while. That's exactly the way I felt. I'd walk in the room and they'd go, no, no. Because I could tell that whatever I was doing, they were not buying.

They weren't willing to look at me. I remember Joyce Selznick, who was a very big network casting executive. They were redoing the Archie comic book series. I was 20-something years old and I walked into her office to read for one of the parts and she went, she looked up, can they see me on camera here? So she was like this. She walked and she went, no, thank you, that was it. Why do you think she did that?

Put those earphones on. What do you think she did? I think that people would look at me and go, where does this guy belong? But I wasn't the same guy. I wasn't confident as I am now. I was young. I was funny and goofy and had this crazy kind of energy. I was always sort of funny and scared.

People used to compare me to John Ritter on Three's Company, that kind of guy. I thought they just didn't know what to do with me. They had Jim Bullock was like the end of that kind of comedian where you were allowed to be a neutered gay guy and you weren't allowed to, you know, you played a straight character but you were really gay. I mean it was Monroe on Too Close for Comfort was straight, you know, who knew? Well I've heard Joey talk about and other comics talk about, they never really got good at comedy until they started being themselves on stage.

Oh yeah. Did you get better at acting when you started being yourself? My whole life changed because, you know, it's finally, you know, you can talk about, all of a sudden I had a whole wealth of material now to talk about stuff and now as I get older mostly I talk about dating or politics or pop culture or I talk about me more than anything in my mother. I talk about my mother a lot because I'm a mama's boy, big time. You know, I call my mom on the phone and I said, mom, I met this great guy.

She goes, is he gay? I said, of course he's gay. No, he's a fucking leprechaun. Of course he's gay. She said, well I forgot, you know, it doesn't matter to me anymore. She calls and she asks me questions like she said, I just want to know one thing, what? Is it true that gay people invented blow jobs? I said, mom, that's so inappropriate.

Just answer me. I said, no, well we didn't invent them but we did perfect them. There you go, Lee, if you ever think of switching governments. I mean, she's so inappropriate. I mean, it doesn't matter what you did. There is, there are no lines, there are no, you know, nothing. We, a couple years ago, I took her to see, she loves Barbara Streisand, to see Barbara Streisand in the guilt trip.

She says, am I anything like that at all? I said, no, mom, you're worse. You're so past this. Did you watch the Seth Rogen movie with Barbara Streisand? Oh, that's the one I'm talking about, the guilt trip. I watched, oh god, yeah, I watched that with my mom, it was, and I love, I'm going to see my mom tomorrow for the weekend, but it's just Jewish moms and Barbara Streisand. What about, did you ever watch Everybody Loves Raymond?

She loves it. She's a mother on everybody. Oh, Doris. I know Doris. I'm in a little web series with her. My mom hates it when I say it, and she's not, obviously that's exaggerated, but it's exactly the same. My mother's, you know, my mother's more on the nanny.

Oh, okay. You know, she's more Renee Taylor, but thinner and better looking. She says, say that if you ever say that, don't say I'm fat. I'm not fat, I look great. She's had four husbands, two she married, two she killed. Now, the other thing I got out of the openly gay thing, when I read that, I was like, you know, to me, it's like, who the fuck is gay and lived in 2015, you know? Well, because I was one of the first people to come out.

What year did you come out? A 93. Oh, shit. You were one of the pioneers and shit. Yeah, I started in that. Yeah, yeah, I see. But I started taking, you know, years off things, so people wanted, you know, but I have a whole career of playing.

I just did a film two years ago with Roger Gambier-Smith called Dirty, and I play guy talks like this, I'm you, except I'm not as you. You know, I've done that character like five times in different movies. I started doing it on The Closer, I guess, starred on that. I played a nicer version of him, and then I kept doing that, and I started adding villains and British people, and you know, you just start becoming better and better and better, and that's what I wanted to do, but no one would let me do it. They still won't let you do it on TV.

And Sleepy Hollow recently, I was, of course, an art curator, so I made up a little air diet and, you know, very grand, and talked like this, and how can I help you? You know, just different, you know, there's different ways to do things so you can make it interesting for yourself, but I don't play gay characters anymore because there are no, rarely are there ones for me. Oh, 40, no. Rarely. And if there's maybe one, a funny scene in a gay movie that I'll play.

Now, for years, I carried a gun. I used to carry a fucking gun. For years? Oh, my God. And one day I stopped carrying a gun, but I noticed something that when I carried a gun, I made friends with other people who carried a gun. That's frightening. My point is to you is...

Did you ever get shot? No. When you were in the closet, per se. This is Joey that's supposed to stay. So when you were in the... No, no, I just lost. I used to carry a gun. Wait.

No, no, no. I used to carry a gun and I had other gun friends. I had an illustrator for you. I know, but this is hysterical. So when you were in the closet, did you meet other men? No. They wouldn't come to you. Now, when I was doing blow...

In the closet? Oh, yes. Yes. When I was doing blow, Jason, people come up to me at the show and go, do you want to do a blow? Now, for the last eight years, two people in eight years have come up to me. When I tour, when I used to tour, all the married men would call me, come to my hotel, find me.

Now, you wouldn't see a gay guy find me for miles that was in the closet. They don't want to get near me. You know, certain... I've never been asked to open for a big gay comic ever. One that's famous, never once, never once, there wasn't an equal to me, where we worked together, two headliners, never. What the fuck? It's the way it is.

They don't want... Nobody wants to be associated. Are they worried that you'll do... Like, it sounds stupid, but all the gay jokes, they call the... In front of them? Or is it... Are you... Are you...

When you open for a big act that's bigger than you, are they afraid you're gonna do all the straight jokes? Yeah. No, that's what I'm saying. So, yeah. What do you think it is? There's... They can only have one of us.

You were saying, why do they have a gay night? Why do they have a black night? Because we couldn't get anything else. You know? That's the way it is. No, I'm just trying to illustrate to you what I said about the guns. It's like living with... For me, it's like living with a secret.

When I was a kid... It's just hysterical. When I was a fucking kid... Being in the closet, guns. Same thing. When I was a kid, I'd go to my mother's bar and I'd go down to the basement. And every once in a while, I'd open up something and see, fucking, this is when I was six. So this is 19th, fucking 69.

And I would see two packages of cocaine. And in my house, my mom had those fucking monkeys everywhere. And it was... And my mom used to say, whatever you fucking see in the house, you don't tell nobody. So different. So I would go out into the streets on 88th Street in Manhattan and kids would be talking about it. And two weeks, two years later, kids would be saying, my daddy, his brother does cocaine

and it's bad for you. And I'd sit there and I couldn't say nothing. Do you understand me? It's a fucking secret. God, our lives are so different. It's a secret. You know, when I went home and I saw my stepdad with guns and they had blow and they had reefer and they had the gambling operation, then two hours later, I'm at Carmine Balzano's

house and they're fucking detectives. He's a detective and I'm hanging out with his kids and they're talking about murderers and did you see this guy? We arrested this guy with drugs and I'm sitting there eating fucking spaghetti with them knowing, Jesus, thank God you don't come into my fucking house. It's a secret. That's what, you know... Oh yeah, we weren't allowed to tell anybody that my mother had tons and tons of, you know,

serrily cakes in the freezer. Sure. You know, it's just... We'd eat him and no one would tell anybody. I couldn't imagine, you know... That and the affairs. And yeah, sometimes when you're gay, people know it. Like, if you walk in a room, whatever, is he gay?

Oh, I could walk in a room. If you didn't know me, I could walk in a room you never know is gay. That's what I'm saying. How the fuck weren't people giving you roles and shit? Because I think when I was younger, I didn't know who I was. I'm baffled by all this. I didn't know who I was and if you are in love with Robert Redford, who are you left to be but Barbara Streisand?

So if you want to get a guy, you think, oh, I have to act like a woman, it's your only to get a guy. You don't have any images. I remember once I got on an airplane, it was around, oh, it was around 10 years ago, I was going on an airplane to go do a movie somewhere, I think it was. Or was it standard? I don't remember. But Martin Sheehan was sitting in the first class section.

And when I was a kid, Martin Sheehan did a film with Hal Holbrook called That Certain Summer. I don't know if you ever heard of it. It was about this guy who was gay, came out of the closet, went to live in San Francisco, Hal Holbrook, and fell in love with Martin Sheehan. So that certain summer, on help lying, played his ex-wife. And in the previews, it would say, if he was, she would say, what was the catchphrase line?

If he were a woman, I'd know how to compete. I watched this movie about that certain summer. And I remember that I saw him on the plane and that movie completely changed my life because there was one scene where Martin Sheehan is packing up to leave so he can talk to his son that certain summer, he would stay with him for the summer and tell him that he was gay. And in those days, it was such a big deal. And I remember he put his hands on his shoulders and he said, it's going to be okay.

I had never seen two men touch each other in an intimate way. I was like, oh my God. So I think I was, you know, 11, 12, 13 years old, I thought, oh. So guys can be with guys and they can both be guys and they can both wear sweaters. They were wearing sweaters. I guess I should wear a sweater. That's the thing. So for the longest time I would wear a sweater.

So this way the people would know it was me. And it changed my life. And then I went on the plane. I always get emotional. And I saw Martin Sheehan there and I looked at him and he said, he said, I just, he said, I know. You know, I'm not the first guy at a certain age that came over to him and said, you changed my life, you know, and he did.

And it was just, it was just the, it was the possibility that I didn't have to be, I used to think I was going to have to have a sex change operation when I was very little. Because I did, there was nothing, I didn't, I thought, how am I going to be who I am? You know, and you'd see things on the news about these people having sex change operations and I thought, oh my God, am I going to have to cut off my penis? That book closed because I didn't want to be a woman. But I didn't know what I, I didn't understand and all this was going on in my head. You weren't allowed to talk about it.

Otherwise people would call you mentally ill because it's in the board book encyclopedia. So all this goes on and you completely lose your self-esteem. So I'm running around being funny and goofing so, so no one will beat the shit out of me in school, which they did anyway. And then you get into show business and there's no place for you. You don't exist. You know, if I were maybe 10 years older, there might have been the Paul Lynn place. They had that place for people, you know, Paul Lynn and the Rep Taylor and Charles Nelson

Riley. I met all those guys, all so sad because they, they wanted to do more than just be this funny guy, Rep Taylor. I've talked to him many times. I remember he did. Look at hilarious. But he did a movie called with Demi Moore and Robert Redford was called in decent exposure and he played the manager of something.

And he, I remember when that happened and he said, oh yeah, I thought that was going to be, I was going to be able to act. They were going to let me act in movies. He took his hairpiece off and he, he did the whole movie, you know, as another character. But it, it wasn't okay then, you know, but I thank God for those guys because I stand on their shoulders. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be able to be where I am, you know, have a great, great deal of respect for all of them, you know, I mean, it's a, it's, people don't know if

it's a rough ride. I mean, if I would have known what my career was going to be like, if I could see a movie, I went, oh yeah, no, that's way too hard. You know, I've said this a thousand times, that's why I was goofing with you outside when we were talking about Cuba. And I was a little boy, I'd comb my head on my side from time to time. Now my mom died in 79 and I told this story a thousand times, but before she died, I'd fuck around and I'd put like a scarf on and she'd go, who are you, Ron Cudson?

And you didn't know what he was talking about? I knew she was talking about it. And you know Ron Cudson was gay? No, but listen to me. I knew the fuck she was talking about, so I never brought it up. For years, I would put my head on the side and she'd go, where you going, hang out with Ron Cudson? And one day I finally said to her, what the fuck are you talking about?

Ron Cudson's a man of man, she goes, listen, when I was a little girl in Cuba on the weekends, the word on the street was, Ron Cudson's coming to town. So me and my cohorts would go up to the hotel, the fucking suckers dick, and he'd be in that hotel room locked up with a little boy. All the juice ran out of my body, I'm like, you know, you're a fucking liar. And she'd say, I'm telling you, we'd sit outside this window. And what all you had to do was park your head to the side and you could be gay? No, no, no, 19.

My God, it's that easy? She would goof off. I'm going to find some guys. She would goof off. And she'd go, where you going, hang out with Ron Cudson? The day she told me this, she died in 79, she probably told me in 78. And I looked at it and I said, you know what, this makes you officially fucking crazy. Or the coolest chick on the planet.

She died in 79, 85, he comes out. He didn't come out. He never came out. What happened? He died of AIDS and he never came out. Oh, I thought he came out and changed the game. No. Or he said he had AIDS.

He never even said he had AIDS. No. He refused to say it until he was on his deathbed, I think, don't quote me, but I think he would never say it. I read articles about him how they begged him to stop, they begged him to stop. Like in the 50s. Stop. Well, you know what happened.

We'll take you to a church. Tab Hunters documentary. I'm sure you did. No, I didn't. Of course. I don't even know Tab Hunters. Tab Hunter, a big teen idol star in the 50s with Sandra Dee and Randolph Scott. Several actors whose careers were ruined by a magazine called Confidential.

And there was a famous gay agent who I'd love to play him in a movie if they were doing. And he had all the boys, Rock, all the, you know, all the names Tab, Skip, you know, whatever their fucking names were. And all these, you know, what I call these Goyasha, you know, guys, you know, Buff and, you know, and he had all these guys and all them were gay. How old are you? Just like that. You know, it's like, there's now the third.

I love that. Motherfucker. All those guys, he had all these guys, but he traded them in so because Rock Hudson was the biggest star at the time. He was an Oscar nominated Oscar actor for, actor for Giant and he, he, they were going to give him up that magazine, but he gave two other actors to out, which they did in their careers slowly dwindled, you know, and didn't, you weren't able to get as much work and the word was out that something was Rock, you know, had, you know, his career, the talk

didn't come until the 70s about him because he was known for boys parties. But so was Bert Reynolds, which is weird and no one's ever said anything about him. I don't know if he's gay or straight, but all of his friends were gay. Earl Holloman, Dom Deleuze. There's so many of them. They used to have these parties and I, and I remember once I auditioned for a play that Earl Holloman was producing, he was doing Mr. Roberts and I'll never forget it and he called me at my house.

He said, you didn't get the part, but I'd love to invite you to this party. And I thought, and I knew that that was what was going on and I said, no, I can't, I can't that weekend, you know, because I would always act stupid like I didn't know what was going on. God, I wish I would have went. Earl Holloman. Oh my God. Possibilities.

He was so handsome in those days. I just thought that. You know, Earl Holloman for police woman. Oh, okay. I did. He's 26. I just thought that. I just thought that.

In Hollywood. Well, there's still closeted guys. Come on. You know, I mean, there, there still is. I mean, I'm not saying anything out of school. I've never slept with him, John Travolta, but I don't know if he's bisexual or complete. I don't know what his story is, but I've spoke to many people who've actually slept with him over the years and he's been known.

I mean, he certainly hasn't been closeted about it. You know, he certainly has gotten in trouble and written about and hitting on people and I mean, I'm not, I'm only saying what I've heard and people have told me. I don't know for sure anything. Obviously, it's all gossip and innuendo, but I've talked to people who actually said they slept with him and no one seems to, you know, you know, there still are. There's probably some really bigger stars that are really closeted that never want you to know, you know, and there's bisexuality and sexuality for some people.

It's very fluid. For me, it's not. I mean, I had a girlfriend from the time I was 16 until I was 21 and then that was it. I know there was one other girl after that. I think I slept with five women in my life. I can remember them. Men, who can remember that? And what is sleeping with someone?

What does that really mean? You know, I was always, as a young man, my mom had the bar and then we're involved in Santa Maria and we're Cuban. So my mom always had a couple gay friends and, you know, they would torment me when I was a kid and break my balls about shit. I would break their balls back, but I was never really, I never really knew the struggle until I went to prison. I think you did, though.

I went to prison. Before that, him growing up and you coming from Cuba sounded very similar to me. It's an insecurity. I had to begin to, like, that's what I was trying to explain to them before, that I've always been very insecure, being Cuban, being where I came from, that my mother dealt drugs, that they were involved in bookmaking. Yeah, they were nice people and whatever, but they still did creepy fucking shit. And that's always when I walked out.

So you had a secret that you didn't want people to know about? Yeah, when I walked in a room and there was a bunch of white kids, I always felt. Well, it's the same thing being Jewish growing up with a father that was in the Holocaust. My father always used to say, they're going to call you a dirty Jew. That's going to be it. He always used to say, you can only trust the Jews. There's no one else you can trust but the Jews. Me growing up, everybody in my family was so crazy.

I thought you could just trust everybody but the Jews. But, you know, because they were so nuts. I mean, you know, everybody was cheating and lying and having affairs and da-da-da. It was just so complicated. And every, you know, it's like da-da-da-da-da-da-da. My mother was always on some sort of pill. She was either on a sleeping pill or a diet pill or a Valium. You didn't know whether she was coming up or going down.

And if she was in her bedroom, you came home from school and you could see the phone from the hallway when they used to have the long cords. The long cords. And it was on the phone and she was sleeping, you know, like Marilyn Monroe or something. You knew not to go in that room because she would go insane. You never knew what was going to happen with her. You know, that's the way I grew up. Cray with a big Z. Very emotional people running out in the street screaming with a knife or somebody slapping somebody.

Or there was always somebody acting, oh, I can't take this anymore. You know, it's always that. You know, it's always so dramatic. Everybody in my family. Oh, there was a movie about my family called Lying, Cheating and Stealing. Everybody, and my grandmother was a big shoplifter. And, you know, I said, you know, and I said, why did you steal all this stuff? She said, well, they didn't pay me enough.

I go, when she died, I remember. She died before she, when I cleaned out her apartment and moved her into a retirement hotel. A hundred scissors. Just scissors. She doesn't factuate it with scissors. Three thousand, you know, paper clips and safety pins all put together like in a mosaic. At least two or three hundred earrings. A thousand brooches.

And napkins, plastic bags, salt and pepper shakers from everywhere. Silverware that she stole just pushed it in her purse. I mean, could you imagine her going to prison? What were you in for? Murder, rape, me? Ah, I stole some silverware. You're an amazing guy, man. You've been around for a long time.

I didn't really know the struggle. Most people don't. Most people don't because I think it's not something I talk about, you know, unless you're being interviewed. But it's about, for people listening who want to be in show business, it's about showing up. So I'll tell you this, you know, the thing that I think is so special right now. So I did this movie called Birth of a Nation. It's about black abolitionist Nat Turner. And it takes place in 1831.

Do you know who Nat Turner was? He was an abolitionist. He fought against the white slave owners, which I play one of them. And it's a movie about this man that had the fortitude. This is before the Civil War. And he could read, he could write. And the part that Penelope and Miller play, she actually teaches him the Bible and to read. And in those days, it was almost illegal for black people to learn how to read or write.

They were beat or, you know, it was really, they just didn't want them to have any sort of education because then they wouldn't want to do all the work that they, you know, that they had them do. It was just, it was a terrible, embarrassing time of history. So I get an agent in New Orleans. And he, I'm going to a gig. And I get a thing that says, hey, I want you to come in and put yourself on tape. For those at home that mean we put ourselves on videotape. And they mail it to people because it's being done in different cities and stuff a lot of the time.

And it's a white plantation owner, a Christian, married, you know, 1831, southern accent. I thought, oh, I'm never going to get this. So I put myself on tape the next day. I'm going to the gig, you know, get home at midnight. You know, they want it by noon the next day. So I call one of my assistants. I get here at nine. You know, we put it on tape.

Forget about it. You know, that's it. A week later, they call me and want me to fly to Savannah on my own dime to meet the director. So I look in the cast. I see it on IMDB, which is the Internet Movie Database. And I see that Roger Gambier Smith, who I'd done a movie with a year ago, is in the cast. So I called him. I said, hey, I'm up for this movie.

Could you put a word in for me? I said, I'm going to send you my audition tape. If you think I'm good, you know, if you don't like it, please do not worry about it. And he liked it, sent it, and he called me right before I went. I said, he said I talked to the director. He's an old friend of mine. And he said he liked your audition. We didn't really talk about you.

We talked about a lot of other stuff. Just go, be really good. So I go to Savannah, do the audition in the middle of fucking nowhere in a strip mall in a town next to Savannah. And some guy in the parking lot, as I'm walking, I went and had lunch. I was like, there were three hours early. What was I going to do? I'm in Savannah, Georgia by myself.

And I went in there and some guy goes, I know you. I thought, I have a fan in the middle of a parking lot in Savannah, Georgia. And it was the director. I didn't recognize him. He had the beard and the hat. And he's also the star of the movie, Nate Parker. He's a young, smart, activist, handsome, talented guy that wrote, produced, starred, and acted in this film.

And I go, you know, when you meet someone, people don't know that we constantly have to audition and meet people. You're always meeting people you don't know. And you have to be so personal, so fast. So it was like, he said something nice to me. I didn't even hear it. But I knew he said something positive. I went in, auditioned.

He said, do it again, but be funnier. You can be funnier in this one. You don't have to. I thought, funnier. I said, look, I'm a nightclub comic. You want me to be funny? I, you know, did it again. He, I said, can I do the whole thing again?

I read both the two scenes and said, yes. He said, thank you very much. I walked out. I said, this is great project. Good luck to you. That was it. I thought, I didn't get this. I get home the next day.

I send an email to Roger. I say, hey, Roger, thank you for putting a word in. You know, and the agent calls me and says, you know, how's your day going? I said, it's going fine. She said, well, it's going to get a lot better. Got the part. I started to cry. I really did.

I could not believe it. I was completely floored. I honestly really couldn't believe it. I couldn't feel it. It was really weird. And then after that, I sent Roger another email. I said, I got the part. Thank you very much for putting a word in.

And he sent me an email back and in his own fashion, if you know Roger, he said, oh, shit, man, I knew you had the part. He told me you had the part. He said, he loved your audition. I just don't want to say anything because I don't want to jinx it for you. Of course, I started to cry again because just the, you know, it's lovely when you get a job that you auditioned for. It's love and that someone, maybe you say, hey, Joe, I know this guy, Jason is a good

actor. You set me up. You set me up for each other. That's great. But when you get something for your work and how hard that we work as artists to be who we were and somebody can see you, Lawrence Olivia had this great quote that said, the worst thing to do is to walk into a room, show people who you are and for them not to see you.

And that's what it's felt like my whole life. And this guy saw me. I did this. I went in and I can tell you stories. I was there for three weeks. It was an incredible artistic experience. Great people. It's no mistake that this film that I'm cast by a black man that understands what it's

like not to be, you know, whoever it is that you're exactly right for the part, you know, that you couldn't play just a dad that didn't have anything to do with the mafia, you know, that you don't always have to. Not that you don't mind playing those parts, but occasionally you want to do something different. Absolutely. You know, and I don't mind playing gay roles at all, but there aren't that many. If I had to wait around, I have to work.

I want to work. And I'm also an artist. That's what I am first. And he gave me, it was just incredible amount of confidence, incredible amount of leverage and permission. I never did a film where I was shot at. I never did a film where, you know, it was a period where you're wearing these costumes and you have to walk a certain way and be a certain way.

You know, there was a whole, I walked around different. I moved differently. You know, I probably couldn't have done this role 30 years ago. But to me, if the movie never even comes out, it's changed me. And I hold it in my heart as an opening to my future in this business as an older character actor. And that's what I always wanted to do. I started as an actor, went to being a comedian, then was a host, and then writing and did

that. You do in the business to make a living, whatever it is. And now I'm back, I think I'm back to where I really, really want to be. And the movie will come out next year. It stars Armie Hamilton, Armie Hammer, and Gabrielle Union, Penelope M. Miller, Jackie Haley, and all these wonderful people. A lot of them are on TV series. And, you know, just, you know, it's also when you're in an independent film, which I've

done a lot of, it's a different experience because when you're in a real low-budget movie, you know, you'll get some actors that are really new. And you're the guy that's been on the set the longest. Here I work with people that have starred in movies who have had tremendous careers, who have worked so much more than me. Like, I've worked, I've done a lot of jobs, but for a short amount of times, it's real different when you're on a set for a couple weeks. You're like a part of the fabric.

You're sewn into the embroidery of doing this movie. You're part of the movie family. And it's when you, because to me, the more relaxed you are, the better work you can do as an actor. Like you said, you have to be there, you know, and I got to do things that I never did before. And trusting the director, because when the director is also the lead of the movie, you know, everything is done in pieces because he's in half the scenes that I met. He was in, I think, I think he was in almost every scene I was in.

I was in seven or eight scenes. I think he was in like five of them. It was either him and him, Armie Hammer's in most of the scenes I met. Who's Armie Hammer? The Long Ranger. The man from Uncle. Jesus fucking Christ. That's 10,000, you know, one day he's looking, I don't know who to fuck Armie Hammer.

He's in the, look him up. He's in the... I'm gonna look him up. He's in the upper room. You're the fucking here. You're 26. He's in the man from Uncle right now. He's a star.

You didn't even fucking know who Charles Bronson was. Let me give him some shout-outs here. Armie Hammer, this fucking guy. He's wonderful. Xavier Suarez, happy birthday. Augie T, I love you. Coxzucker. Tweak the wave.

John Fentrose. Keith Dunn, Brady Ferguson. And Brendan Stuff, 23. What do you think of that? I like it. So this show's shown everywhere, all over the world. Everywhere. So come see me.

If you're in Los Angeles, come see me next week. This week. Tomorrow night. Is it today? Wednesday? Tomorrow night, which is the 19th... 20th. 20th.

I'm gonna be at the Long Beach Laugh Factory. And then a week later, I'm doing my gay show at the... But I have a couple of straight girls on it. Wednesday the 26th at the Laugh Factory. And then I'm gonna be at Vegas at the Tropicana. I forgot what the date is. Just tell me a webpage. Oh, JasonStuart.com.

S-T-E. Send them to the webpage and they'll kill you. JasonStuart.com. S-T-U-A-R-T. It's funny you were saying that. I did a movie when I first quit blowing, 2007. I got a call and I read for them. I did the table read and they said we might like a name for that role.

And I always bumped into a director right here. That's the hardest, isn't it? And then they got the budget and it wasn't what it said. But they got the names and he goes, if you wanted, it's yours. Wow. But the next day when I went in there, he goes, can I talk to you for a second? He goes, listen, I know you have a problem. You know, if we do this movie before you say yes, it's 21 days in a row.

You have a problem with 21 days in a row? No, no, no. 21 days in a row because you cannot miss because it's shot in a room. It's about an AA meeting. So you're always in the scene. There's no days off on this. The only day off is Thursday. I would be in heaven.

Right. I would be in heaven too. But I had a problem then with the comedy, the drugs. I didn't know if I could be there every fucking day. So the guy asked me and I said. You should have called me. I would have done it for you. And I said, absolutely, you know, I did it.

And I quit blow while I was doing the movie. And it was funny. I worked with some great names. Who did you work with? The guy from Dear Hunter. The guy from The Fighter. Christopher Sir. I don't fucking know.

What was the film? It was about an AA meeting. Was it Drunks? No. It was about an AA meeting in Radford that had gotten. They robbed a bank in North Hollywood. This is 40 years ago or something. And they busted into that meeting.

What was the movie with the name of the movie? Boilermaker. Oh, with Ben Affleck. No, no, no, no. Oh, no, that's Boilermake. Boilermake. Boilermake. Boilermake.

You were in the maker. I was in Boilermaker. And it was the same thing. Like, I was learning stuff as I was doing the movie every day. And I got $100 a day for the movie. Who cares? It was a sag low budget movie. I made tons of more money in movies.

But that one always stuck with me. So I understood where you were coming from. And the guy told me. I made a lot more than that on this movie. The guy told me, he goes, I want you to do whatever you want to do. The point of the story is whether you made a lot of money or you didn't. This was the movie that really did something for you. I'm really happy I did that movie.

Oh, it's changed for you. I never got high again. And it was those 20. And I would run home and go to sleep. So I wouldn't go out and get high. I would not call in for spots. The whole time I was on that movie. It was like, it was Marilyn had died.

It was around the time. Oh, Marilyn died. It was those three weeks, Martinez. Let's say her name. It was all those three weeks. God bless you. And it was just a weird time. But till this day, I don't care if the movie didn't get released.

Do you sit with your feelings? When something hits you, do you sit with it? Yeah. I went my heart on my sleep, brother. But there's a difference. And this is something I've learned. And I just sort of got it at this age is that we don't, especially men, especially we're around the same age, so men from a certain time,

we will not sit with our feelings because we're told not to. So we won't sit with them. You're not the wrong guy. I'm Cuban, though. I sit with my feelings. I fuck them up the ass. I throw them out of the house and I bring them back. You know, I didn't do it.

See, I was always, I always, you know, even the, you know, remember the song big boys don't cry. Yeah. No, I cry. I'm like you though. I break into tears. I get emotional. But isn't it painful though?

To me, it's incredibly painful because I'm always trying to stop myself. For a minute. And then you have a relief in a way that you did. But I'm always trying to stop myself. Like, I don't know who the fuck I think I am. No, fuck it. Let it go. Let it go.

I'm some tough guy. Not me. Not me. I for years. You feel better when you do it. You act better later on. Have you cried in front of your wife? All the time.

I cry when I talk to her about music. Something that fucking inspires the shit out of me. That's probably what she loves about you. I'll grab her and go come over here. Take a look at this. This is, and she'll look at me like, what the fuck are you talking about? I've cried almost twice today.

Oh, please. I cry over a fucking time. I was watching Penelope M. Millers and went in this performance in Awakenings with Robert De Niro in the time when, I don't know if you remember the movie, there's this time when they dance, and he plays this guy that's fucking great movie. Awakenings.

This country does not remember Awakenings. Who else was in that? Robin Williams got blessed. Robin Williams. Big pussy for Sopranos. And Miro. Was one of the fucking guys in the, Oh, was he?

Yeah. He was one of the invicts in there. Julie Kavner. Good fucking movie. That's right. Incredible cast. That's right. That's right.

So what are you doing, cock, liquor? You going home to do what? Just, I haven't seen my mom since December. I thought you went to Uncle's party. That was what you did. That was in June. I was in June, so. They almost took him out of the world.

I had to call the mother and tell him we had to work him. He didn't show up for a big Jewish holiday. What? Was it Ahpoo? It was just my, Ahpoo. I miss Ahpoo. Uncle's 80th party.

70th, yeah. Fucking guy don't show up. They take you out of the world. You know, the Jews strike fast. They just, they just put your name. Fuck that motherfucker. I'll give it to the fucking black kid's fucking son. I haven't seen her since December.

So I'm just going to go home. Where did she live? Right outside of Boston. Oh, Boston Jews. You're the worst. Oh, I know. It's terrible. It's awful because they're very patrician at the same time.

My stepmother's a Boston Jew. I think they're so, so patrician that they're almost not Jewish. Well, there's a lot of reform Jews, which a lot of like real Jews kind of get mad about. Like there's a thing now that they invented called the Hanukkah Bush because all the kids. Invented? I had one when I was a kid. Did you really? It was plastic white with blue bulbs.

My father took that fucking thing. And the cotton she put on the TV table around it. They look like snow and throw it on the floor until he married his second wife. And they had a whole big fucking Christmas tree. And I told my mother, she goes, he threw, and this is 20 years later, he threw my goddamn Hanukkah Bush out. And now he has a real green tree. Well, fuck him. That's it.

No, yeah. But my mom, my mom would never, like she's, I understand what you're saying when you say Jewishly, very spiritually, not in spirits, but the traditions of being. Well, it's not even a tradition. There's a certain culture emotionally of who we are. It's an ethnicity. It's the fact that my father was, grew up in the war near the Holocaust. It's the fact that my mother grew up, you know, being beat up in school because she was Jewish.

It's the same as, Joey and I have a simpatico, especially since we're similar age. We understand, I can look into your eyes. You can look into mine. We know what we're talking about. Right, I know you're talking about. You know, you just went, oh my God. Blacks, Jews, Greeks, Latinos, those are my people. I mean, I'm not, I mean, someone says, are you white?

No, I'm not a white guy. I may look like a white guy when I walk in, but the minute I talk and do my experience, that's not who I am. I don't consider myself a white guy. It's not, I didn't grow up like that. I don't have, I don't have, you know, white privilege. I would, I would be the way I look. So I say that very respectfully to anybody that doesn't because I know that I do because of the way I look. But the minute I started to talk when I was a kid until I got older and lost my gay voice, whatever that is,

somebody said I lost it the other day. You don't have the voice anymore. Now you sound like an old angry Jew. I thought, thanks a lot. So from a gay voice to an angry Jew. Well, I just started dating a Mexican girl two years ago. And. Thank God.

I know it's, it's the best. But I grew up in a town. How much weight did you gain in this relationship? I gained, but I lost 100 pounds, believe it or not. You gained and lost, that's a person. Pretty much, yeah. Oh my God. But I grew up in a place where it's not even that I didn't, I just didn't know I had white privilege.

And I've been learning through dating her and then I saw straight out of Compton yesterday. And it's, I just had no idea. Like you just, you just, how could you know? And it's, I can imagine also for you going to interviews like this and having a lot of gay questions asked. Oh, I'm used to it. But it must get annoying. But it's just because. No, no.

You know why? We have no. No, no. I'll tell you why. When I interview or something, there's somebody somewhere that says, that's me. And it doesn't feel alone. That's right. And maybe I'm able to change.

This is why I was asking you these questions. I'm big time, a big time, I've been in a program. So I'm big time, I'm about service, about giving back. My web series is called Mentor because I started mentoring kids eight years ago, nine years ago. Gay kids, straight kids. This is my whole series. If you want to see that, go to JasonStuart.com, S-T-U-A-R-T, press the word mentor. And you can see it for free because it's on other places you have to pay.

And I'm very big about giving back and paying it forward. And the idea that this is not just about me. I mean, even the, I didn't even get to say the thing. This new thing, Black Lives Matter is a big deal to me because I think it's so important that we start thinking about, I said to my mom, have you read about Black Lives Matter? Why do you have to do all this? I said, because it's not just about me. I'm so lucky and so blessed in this world in so many ways that I have to stand up for my black brothers and sisters,

especially any black kids, especially black men under 30 who are now getting so completely demoralized by the police and so many different things in this country. And it changes, it changes who people are. It stops brilliant people from being brilliant. It stops people from having a life. I can't imagine if I had a son, if I had a young son now, I would be just crazy. I wouldn't want him to leave the house. I'd be so scared.

You know, the idea, Trayvon Martin, you know, all these kids that this happens, that this has happened to, you know, and then you hear people talk and say, well, you know, they shouldn't have been doing this. But these are kids, some of them. Some of these are children. And if you beat someone up forever and then you say, why doesn't he act like this? Then you know. I mean, I grew up with a father who was in the Holocaust. I grew up with that.

I know what it does to him. He had like post-traumatic stress. I didn't know what it was then. You knew that this guy had lost something. He lost a piece of himself. And through this movie, you know, we do this in history. It's a part of who we are. You coming from Cuba, everything that's happened around that is part of you.

You know, that we're not treated as equal citizens that will look down upon us if we're not the same. That we don't get the same opportunities that so many people don't get. I know that if I wasn't, I remember Paul Rodriguez, I absolutely adore him, comes over to me at the lab factory one night. This is how mentors started the web series. He comes over to me and he says, Jason, God, great set. You know, what happened? How come you never made it? And I looked at him like, you know, Paul, he says, and comics, we all say what comes out of our mouth without thinking.

And I looked at me and he saw that I was, you know, that was where they were. And I said, what he says, he says, no, I mean, how come you never got a series? How come you never, you're so this or that? And I said, who's going to give a gay kid a series in the 80s and 90s when you got yours? No one's going to give me a series. I had 10 different producers wanted to do series for me, could not get arrested. They were not going to give me that. I know a couple guys, Mario Cantone, a couple got deals, never got made, you know,

especially if you were somebody that had an opinion, you know, and you weren't completely neutered. And, you know, just, you know, there would be no Roseanne that was gay or Tim Allen that was gay. There would be no characters like this on television. They have their own favorite gay poster people and they stick with those. Well, there's a certain kind. Right. And a lot of times it's played by a straight person. Do you know any gay couple, women or men on television that are played by gay people?

Again, you have that dumb, stupid look on your face. Because they're hardly any. I can name a couple, but you don't see it. And they say, well, the best person gets there. How could the best person not be gay to play a gay person on television? In a series it's different because you're going to play the same role for a long, long, long time. So it's got to be closer to you most of the time. Not always, but most of the time.

And if you don't want us to play gay people, then what are we supposed to play? So that's why anybody's listening, you want to be in show business, get fucking good. Get confident, get relaxed, and get really good. Because they're going to test you everywhere for everything. You know, and there's always going to be another guy that's better than you. That's right. You got to stay on top of your Gamecocks sucker. Absolutely.

Are you an actor? No, no, I've just, I've always loved stand-up comedy. I wrote him four or five years ago. Got the blue apron thing. Let me give a shout-out to Susponsors, so we get the fuck out of here. Oh, yeah. Traffic comes over. First off, as usual on it, I love these guys.

The best out there, they start off with the alpha brain, the complete new Tropic. Two of these a day, your fucking mind's banging on all cylinders. You understand me? Can you lose weight from it? No. Alpha brain is 100% guarantee, and we don't want the product back. You think there's a Chinese restaurant that does that shit with their pork fried rice, even though it costs four dollars?

Do me a favor. Beside alpha brain, beside new mood, beside all the great products they have, they have supplements and ropes and all that. I can't do nothing for you on the battle ropes and the weights, but as far as the supplements, I can be 10% off. Just do me one favor. Go to honet.com right now and press in. Church.

And get 10% off your first order, right? Number two, blue apron. Let me tell you something about blue apron, all right? What they do is they send gourmet recipes and all the French ingredients you need right to your house, right to your door. You get home 5.30, you're tired, you don't know what the hell you do. You wash your little pussy, you go in the kitchen, you open up the little freezer bag, they tell you, you take the cart out, you take what they tell you and you cook it.

They have two meal plans and family plans. Let me just tell you what the family plans. The family plan this week was parmesan crusted chicken and shrimp summer vegetable masamon over fucking ramen. A few people don't know what masamon means, tell them Lee. It's peanut, I believe. That's right. And that's the family plan.

For the two people planned, they got reggaetoni poutanesca with eggplant oregano, they got tandoori spice chicken with green lentils and heirloom tomato with fontina grilled cheese sandwiches. Who's fucking better than you? Let's say you want to impress a girl. Let's say you want to impress a guy you fucking can't cook. You invite them to your house, you have Blue Apron send over a box. Bam!

There you are. Within 30 minutes, you're cooking a fucking delicious meal, 500 calories or less. Well, you're going to get that type of action. But do me a favor. This is what I'm going to do. They're going to send gourmet recipes right to your door and for our listeners, you get two free meals for free right off the top. Two free ones right off the top.

Go to blueapron.com slash- Joey. And start cooking incredible meals at home with blueapron.com slash- Joey, all right? Go to blueapron.com right now, you're going to be fucking really happy you did. Number two, you're sitting there going Joey. What's going on? You don't talk about me on these no more.

I always talk about me on these. I wear me on these to every event I do, whether it's the Cattle Bells, whether it's the Jiu-Jitsu, why? They keep your nuts in place and they keep everything cool. You know what I'm saying? You don't want to be out all afternoon, pick up some guy 24 hour fitness or some girl and next thing you know, your nuts smell fucking bad. You don't need the aggravation.

With me on these, it keeps the sweat away from your nuts that nice and smooth. They also have women's underwear. They got women's t-shirts. They got men's t-shirts. They got great cut-off shorts. They got sweatshirts. But do me a favor. It all starts with you.

Go to meonthese.com right now. They're running a sale. What are they going to give you, Lee? 20% off your first order and free shipping. And free shipping in Canada and the United States. Where are you going to get that type of sale? All right, go to meonthese.com and press in. Joey.

Boom. You get 20% off your first order and everything shipped whether for free, gratis, whether you live in Canada or the United States. Okay. You don't have a gun anymore. If you live in Israel, you get a guts. Now, for the piano that I resist on, you're sitting there going, no, Joey. So what am I going to eat after the fucking blue apron?

This is what you're going to eat. Naturebox.com. Nutritious, delicious snacks from the chocolate nom nom to the sriracha cashews to the French toast granola. I mean, these motherfuckers are banging. Do you understand me? But it all starts with you. Is this in the commercial motherfuckers banging?

This is the way Uncle Joey drops on these bitches. This is what's going on right now. The first box is on Naturebox. Five bags on the house for you. Deliver it straight to your door. Yeah, you might have to pay for shipping, but you know what? They're going to send you the first five bags on the fucking arm on them. That's how they do it.

Okay. Via Uncle Joey. So do me a favor. Go to Naturebox. Order your five bags and press in. Naturebox.com slash Joey. Boom. Order your five bags right there.

You're going to deliver right to the house. Next to your me on these. Next to your blueapron.com. Next to your on it. Because everything I'm pushing gets delivered right to your door. You don't have to get in your car. You don't have to deal with people who have to do nothing. Number two, I'm taping the DVD in Vegas the 19th and the 20th.

Okay. Whatever night you come out is fucking fantastic. If you're not going to come to Vegas, I'm doing a warm up show. You know, September 11th at the ice house at eight o'clock. The same material I'm saying. At the end we're going to critique it. It's all up to you motherfuckers. Nobody's ever done something like that.

What's a warm up show? Like just to get the material out. Oh, a workout set. A workout set. Good. You know, I don't fuck around. That's good. That's always fun to go watch.

I ain't got time to fuck around. No, but it's good. That's a beautiful thing. So come on out. He's gorgeous. New York City got them September 23rd to the 25th. That's all I got for you. Lee, have a safe flight to Boston.

Thank you, buddy. Hey, Jason Stewart's a good fucking guy. He's a little wackadoo from time to time, but he's a good fucking guy. And he's one of us. He's a street jew. There's a big difference. There's these little white little faggy jews that hang out in Beverly Hills and they drive a BMW.

They're traders. We're old school fucking jews. We don't fuck around with enemies. We take what's in front of us. We pick it up and put it in our pocket because somebody else will. That's an old school jew. I'm up with the chickens and I go to bed after fucking everybody gets mugged. You understand me?

Support Jason Stewart. I love this motherfucker. Whatever the fuck. Jason Stewart.com. Jason Stewart.com. S-T-U-A-R-T. Be careful, cocksucker. I need you here Monday morning.

I'll be here. Okay, cocksuckers. You don't show up Monday morning. Bless you. Oh, I thought you were talking to me. You're calling him a cocksucker? I'm going to give you a Cosby pillow. How can he be a cocksucker?

He doesn't like you unless he calls you a cocksucker. I'm going to give you a Cosby pillow and drop you off at Jason Stewart's with fucking, with chapsons. It's my fantasy. He's going to rub some Jewel. I want a dead guy at my house. That's what I want. Jason, I love you.

Thanks a lot. Thank you very much for being a great comedian. Oh, thank you. Thank you for keep doing what you're doing. And thank you for educating me because I wanted to be educated today and you kind of educated me so we're going to put you back on to get more, I'm going to come with more questions for you. Okay.

Because I feel we have a bond. I didn't carry a gun for years, so mother fuck, you know, same thing. I'm so glad you don't have a gun. When you're young, I always wanted to figure this stuff out, but we're out of time. Cocksucker, I love you. My brother Jason Stewart, I love you. He doesn't call me a cocksucker. I love to do your podcast.

Yes, we'll set up a date. All right. Thank you very much, guys. Don't forget. Uh, whatever. I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great weekend. We'll be back Monday.

Love you, motherfuckers. Say blacker than black. Say, yeah. That too. This show is brought to you. This show is brought to you by blue apron breather. There was, there was still hash in there. Go to blue apron.com.

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