Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #316 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: September 11, 2015

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/joey to get your first two meals free   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   
NatureBox. Visit naturebox.com/joey   MeUndies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off.   Recorded live on 09/10/2015.
   Music:
 War Pigs - Black Sabb Hell Is For Children  Pat Benatar

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check out all the great snacks. And go to meondies.com slash joey and get 20% off of your first order of all their great men's and women's underwear. They have t-shirts, sweatpants, socks, all very comfortable clothing and you're going to get 20% off on your first order when you go to meondies.com slash joey. And they're also going to offer you free shipping in the United States and Canada. And go to onnits.com and use code word church to get 10% off all their great optimization products like alpha brain, new mood, shumtech immune, strong bone, all those great products use code word church to get 10% off. It's one of those motherfucking days. It's hot. It's humid. It don't fucking matter. It's the church.

That's what fucking matters. Thursday, September 10th, the day of the United States got his motherfucking balls back. You understand me? Get that eagle going. We're going deep today. Lee Syat, your Uncle Joey, and that's it. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Get your blood going, shoot some heroin, do whatever the fuck it is that gets your dick hard. Today's your lucky day, cucksuckers. Fucking tremendous. You want to stab somebody? I'll put this on backwards.

Shit will happen. You understand me? You'll wake up and have a knife in that fucking eyeball. You don't even know what happened. What's going on? So I was getting into the song. Nothing. You saved jujitsu for me today. I just hope you know that. You saved jujitsu for me? Why? Because I like, I know we talked about a podcast or two ago, but there's nothing I've wanted to do more since I started kettlebells than to quit jujitsu. And I understand. I know why people like it and I can see that it's great, but I just, I'm terrible and I go to get beat up and it's just, it was a hard time. So I was, and once we started kettlebells, I was just loving that. So I was like, I'm going to quit jujitsu.

Because nobody's beating you up. No one. Well, you beat me up, but so we went, I wasn't even going to go today. I was going to go later and then you said you had an early one and like I got it today. Like I still don't love it, but I was just wet a ton. Was your t-shirt sweats? Was your gi wet? Everything. You were there for an hour and you were on the floor for 30 minutes. We were. Yeah, but we were like kettlebells and then we did five or six sets of kettlebells. You did the best workout you've done in a year because you mix cardio and you meant to mix a little strength training and you mix good cardio, pushing a fat motherfucker off you. Well, I mean, it was a hard workout, but that's not why. I mean,

I've had harder workouts out of the jujitsu classes. It's amazing how much, and this goes for everything, how much the person teaching you or the person you're listening to affect something. It's kind of like how like with like religion, how like there's crazy preachers and there's normal preachers and then good podcast hosts and bad podcast hosts. I've had good teachers with jujitsu, but I like it's why I click with Yogi Steve. I really, I dug what John was saying and it was a small, I don't do well when there's a lot of people. Like I need, I'm terrible. I need a little bit more focused attention and it just, it was great. And I, it was something that I think I could do from now on. Like Nia, because that's what I was told since I have such short fucking arms

like T-Rex arms that I'm going to be better on top. So Nia and Bailey just, I was like, what is this? Like it's something I can actually kind of do and it's, I don't have to wrap my arms around everybody jujitsu. Yeah. There's people that do it with no fucking legs. Yeah. Because you still, it's a great exercise. I'm fucking lazy. I was scared the first year. I used to go once a week. I used to put my gear on and not go. Really? I wanted to do that, but I was going. I used to put my gear on, get in the car, drive and go around the corner and go home and tell my wife some story how it started already and I felt embarrassed going in. And then you know how bad I feel about myself? You know how bad I felt about

not going? Why? When I go in there and see 16 people in there because I felt worse not going than what I felt going. Like the embarrassment of not being able to breathe and not doing the hip escape. So everybody else is doing and not being able to do all that shit. That's a form of embarrassment, but the form of embarrassment of not showing up at all. I'm not trying. That's the worst feeling I ever get. Whether I cancel a gig, when I don't do something I'm supposed to do, I feel horrible about myself. What does it feel like? Like I fucking failed because I was supposed to do something. Period. That's it. Period. There's no two ways about it. You know, we all, I remember I joined, when I was a kid, I went to karate religiously.

There wasn't nothing. I went right from school, walked to karate. Every day. I had Manhattan. Yeah, because there's five days a week. Holy shit. Friday and Saturdays. And the only way I knew to get better and to learn because what do you want? You want personal attention. You're not going to be able to walk into any place and wait till the class is over and go, yo, teach. Can you help me with this? But if the teacher sees you raising your hands and confused during the classroom on the way out, if he's a good fucking teacher, if he has not another class coming in, he'll sit with you for 10 minutes and break it down for you. Anybody who sees a human being trying and doesn't help him is not a human being. Right. And I don't need a one-on-one private, but it was like there were

like three people there, I think, including me and then four for the teacher. And it was just a little like, I'm not the kid who always asks questions in class like when you're supposed to leave, but something like this, I feel bad. I try to not to, but I ask a thousand because I don't know anything about it. A thousand questions. Then you got to go home and get on YouTube. Right. There's that Nicaragorius. There's a couple people that take Jiu-Jitsu to the beginning and you'll put, Jiu-Jitsu's like everything else. It's like a fucking, it's like a chef, okay? You know what, man? Lee, fuck podcasting. Fuck motherfucking stand-up comedy. Fuck all this nonsense. I'm gonna become a chef. Okay? So I go to Valley College. I sign up for the chef program. Okay?

Okay. They teach me how to make a chocolate cake. Right. A certain chocolate pie. I'm just making something up here. Let's say apple pie. I love apple pie. I'm a fat fuck. I love eating apple pie and I want to make the best apple pie in the world. Okay. They're going to teach me how to make a best apple pie, but then I'm going to go to your mother's house for Thanksgiving. Right. And your mother's going to give me a piece of her apple pie and I'm going to pull her aside and go, what the fuck are you putting here? And then I'm going to start stealing her recipe and then I'm going to go to somebody else's house and they're going to turn me out to some other apple pie and I'm going to go watch it here in the venture. I'm going to learn how to put it all together.

Right. And that's what happens with Jiu-Jitsu. I learned a little bit from Eddie Bravo. I learned a little bit from Salami. I learned a little bit from Nick Gregorius. I learned a little bit from Joe, whatever his name is, the big Gracie, the guy that's in London, the big tall guy, watched him in my whole game chain because I realized you're in no rush. That's my biggest problem right now. What's the right? Yeah. Everybody who's new because I see was fast. Because you see them doing it so easily or it looks so easy and I just always try to do it all right away, but that's the biggest thing. You're starting from the beginning, the way you would start from the beginning of anything. Right. I bet there were

days at six o'clock in the other fucking office when we were in your house, you didn't like podcasting. You dread it going in there because there's growing pains. There's growing pains and everything, no matter how much I dig, if I got a restaurant, I go come in and I'm going to teach you from scratch. What are you going to get behind the line and learn how to cook chicken for your auntie? No, no. I'm going to make you wash dishes for two weeks. Then I'm going to make you come in early one day and learn how to make the sous-chef, learn how to make the sauces and how to prep cook, cut the onions and you're going to go, Joey, what the fuck? You lied to me. You told me you're going to teach me how to fucking cook. I'm teaching you how to cook dog, but you want me to overcome

everything, oversee all the little things that you really need, that you really need. Trust me, if I don't teach you how to cut an onion, when we get 200 deep, how are you going to cut an onion? Right. Cut some onions for a few weeks. Learn from these guys. Then I'm going to move you up a little and you're going to learn how to put chicken breast on the grill and steaks on the grill and then a little by little. I'll teach you how to put it all together. Same thing and this is what anything. Was it the same when you were growing up? That it's just like, because I feel I don't know if it's movies or our parents or whatever it is, but when I came out here, you know you're going to have to start at the bottom, but I just think you don't know what the

bottom is. Say, oh, I'm going to go apprentice at a restaurant. You know you're going to have to do some things, but after six months that when you're there at midnight scraping pans, you're like, what am I doing this for? What is? I understand why you do it, but was that something that was like I felt like it's a newer thing, but isn't I didn't know that on forever. Sacrifice has always been something in every fucking body's life to get to that place where they need to be. You've got to sacrifice something and some of us are very lucky, but no matter what you're going to do shit. They're going to make you do shit that somebody else doesn't need to do. Oh, yeah. No, but did they do that? Did people know that when you're growing up? Or I feel like yeah,

people don't know. I think people don't know now. Well, listen, people know, but they don't want to know. Right. How many times have you, when you were 16, you bumped into somebody, a baseball player, whatever, man, how many years did you play in the minor leagues? If he tells you eight, you're like eight. Right. Yeah. What'd you do for eight? I can't do fucking eight. We never could think we could do the time to learn to be something. I'm surprised that when we're 18, we even go to college because it's a four year commitment. It's huge. A lot of people don't like, there's a thing now to do like a leap, a gap year, I guess is the word. And it's the problem is, is like, at least for me, I was so ready to get going. I would never,

if like, you couldn't have convinced me of that if you, if you gave me a million dollars, but looking back on it, it would like, it does seem smart to go at least for a year if not a couple, but it just, I feel like there's a lot of pressure to go to a good college and go out of the way. You got two options. You got three options. You ready? You can either go work, you go to college full time. Got it. You could go work for your uncle at the car dealership, or you could go to college or you go to service. Right. All four year programs. All four year programs, because let me tell you something. Yeah, you're going to make money in the car business after 90 days. You're going to make money. I made money my first month,

but do you really know it? You're going to go into a transition period where you think you know everything and then you're going to realize that you were way better off when you were stupid because you didn't know anything. And people believe when you tell them, I don't know the answer, but we'll find out inside. Let me ask you this. What would it take for you to drive this home? Well, what's the air pressure on the tires? I have no idea. I'll find that out inside. But let me ask you this. What would it take to take that car home? Well, what's the capacity of the trunk? Again, I'm pretty new here. I just started yesterday and you've been there a year and a half. I started yesterday. I don't know nothing, but let's go inside and we'll get the information.

You follow me? You've got to fucking learn everything. I know I would never want to walk into anything and somebody say, you're a chef and there's people that have been training for six years. They're going to despise me. And number two, they're going to show me up because they've been doing this. You've got to start in the bottom with everything. When I fucking started comedy, the reason why I got into comedy at the time was because I had done everything already. There was nothing I wanted to do. I laid tile. I estimate a roof. I bartended. I fucking laid brick. I fucking built scaffolds. I quit when we got to the third floor because I was scared of heights. I've done it all. I've quit more fucking jobs than you can imagine. I was your typical fucking loser

that was going to end up at Subway Sandwich when I was 50, you know, because I fucked around. I always was looking for that answer. There's no answer. The answer is you want to really cover your ass, you work hard, you get to know something, and then you could take your chances because no matter what, you know something. If tomorrow, Mercy was 10, and I bring Mercy in here to fucking fuck around with this computer and do the podcasting and fix the microphones, when she's 18, she's going to be Cassius Morris. She's going to know everything about this without even knowing. But that's, but see, that's also the point. So Cassius Morris has been doing this for six years, whatever, 10 years. When he gets here, he's going to have to start at the bottom.

And that's what I think is not really, not really kind of though, at least not really. That eight years did something that eight years put Cassius Morris in the middle level. Listen, if I would have came here when I first started comedy or when I came here at the six year mark, with six years to come tell life for a guy like me, that was very too soon because I was far from being ready to move to LA as a comedian. When I came here, because I did the triple runs and I hosted that triple and I just something I knew 30% of the people, which made my journey a little easier. I knew Doug Stanhope to get me into the store. I knew James Stevens, the third. I knew Josh Wolf. I had friends down here, me doing comedy before, edged me into some rooms. I saw

people go, Oh, shit. I remember you from Seattle. Come on. Go up ninth. You're following. Oh, right. No, he'll definitely go ahead fast because people after a week, people will wait. You're 18 and you're doing this. Right. But they blow so much smoke up your ass in college about how great the school is and how great of an education you're getting. So when you leave college, you're like, I don't want to be a mailroom guy. I have all this great expensive education. Don't be a mailroom guy and see how fast you get your head handed to you. Exactly. So you still have to, but it's the same mentality that if I would have stayed at VMA, if I would have said, fuck this, the podcast stays at six a.m. and every Monday, when places show and every Friday when I'm in town, just do

those two days. I'm going to go to Marcelo's class because he does tire throwing. He does all that shit we do in kettlebell glass at the end of the beginning of class to get you tired. So when you do jiu-jitsu and you learn jiu-jitsu, you learn how to do it from technique, not strength. So you're not jumping on people. You're not tackling them. You learn how to do everything with finesse. And then it gives you muscle memory. And the next time you're in that position, so that's why he tires you out first to get your muscles tied. So when you do jiu-jitsu, you learn how to do technique. I've heard about it. If I would have stayed in that class right now, I would have been walking around at 2.45. You think so? I know so. The first time I walked into V-Mac, if I would have, but

things happened. I still stuck with jiu-jitsu, but I just didn't take his classes. They were eight o'clock. By eight o'clock, I really have no energy. By eight o'clock, I have energy to do a regular class. But by eight o'clock, I don't have the energy to do the jumping jacks, the burpees, and then a regular class. I'm not going to lie to anybody here. I'm just going to hurt myself somewhere along the line. It's a late class. My focus is a little gone. I've already smoked 18 joints. My mind has been raced through ideas. I'm burnt out. At eight o'clock, I got a set left because I bump into people and they make me talk. Do you know what I'm saying? That gives you energy? That gives me energy. Absolutely. That's why I talk before I go on stage to people.

That's a little, put the air on, brother. There is a full blast? Yeah. Holy shit. It's fucking getting out of this edible stick and inject. Either or something is going to happen. I'm kind of cold. Yeah. That's why when I go to those places, I want to have human contact 10, 15 minutes before I go on stage. A certain human contact. Now let's take a picture and let me, no, no, no, no. I want to have a conversation with a peer or a friend that I know and maybe get into a slight argument about something. That'll really put me. Do you ever pick arguments like just when you're about to go on stage? Absolutely. Really? Absolutely. That's hysterical. I used to always yell at Joe and Brian for having matching

phones. Look, what would you say? What the fuck is wrong with you, mother fuckers? Look at you. You're like two fucking girls and Joe would know he wouldn't take the bait. Red man would go, why is he yelling? Is he crazy? We didn't even start this fight. And Joe would go, watch what's going to happen. Boom, boom, boom. And he'd go, I didn't get it. For him to fucking do well, he's got to get a little pissed off at something stupid. Shoes, somebody's shoes, somebody's haircut. You know, like in the back of my mind, I say that it's bringing me bad luck. Like why you wearing that shirt, dog? You give me bad luck before. And you're like sitting there like feeling bad. I don't want anybody to feel bad if I torture you

before I go on stage. It's just something I do to get me fired up. Like you had to wear those fucking shoes tonight. You had to wear those fucking shoes today. You know, like if you came to a show with Paul after you made those things, yeah, I did with those classes, the crepes, crepes, I'd destroy you. Like you came here with fucking crepes, but then you ate them. But I ate them. That's right. After I got on stage, you brought me the cheese one and shit. That's fucking it. That's interesting. I have to. I have to bite my I have to get a little fired up about something. Do you have like any other specific people like sometimes it's just a fucking color of the wall in the room. I'll just start yelling. If I'm alone in a room,

I just start going, what the fuck is your problem? Oh, no, I didn't. But I meant like, is there like someone at the who's always at the store who just you would always go after or just like beat up for like Bob with how you used to mess with Bobby Slayton could be anybody. It could be somebody wearing slippers. It could be a woman with a mini skirt. I'll ask her what the fuck she's thinking. It's 10 o'clock at night. There's rapist out there. What the fuck? And still look at me like, what are you saying to me? Why are you saying these things to me? Because I'm just getting fired up to go on stage. If not, that's when I get anxiety. Oh, if you don't get fired up, if I don't get fired up, the anxiety wins. That's where the

anxiety comes from. I end up winning. The anger ends up beating the anxiety eventually. The anxiety just drills me to get angry. Is that what you feel on stage? Angry? Fuck yes. Not angry, but I'm I'm venting. I'm letting this anxiety out of my body. There's a brain for it that happens before I go on stage. It's the week's event sitting in the back brewing and every plus the anger I had growing up. So every week I let a little more out. You know what I'm saying? Like every week, a little bit more comes out. So I'm giggling on stage. I know you're telling jokes, so you're trying to be funny. Yes. But are you happy or like, is it like you're yelling at like your wife? But I'm happy. I'm happy. But I have to go to a certain place to make that joke work.

When you go to Judy Carter's workbook, again, I know your motherfucker's gonna break my balls, fuck you, Joey, who's Judy Carter again. She has a worksheet in that. And she writes down, this is very interesting because I guys, this is why the beginning is so important because you might look at something in the beginning of any career that's so stupid, but in the middle, after it again, it doesn't get explained to you. You figure it on your own and you go, oh, now I get why I have to put my foot there. Fuck, you know, fuck. Do I feel like a fucking jerk off? That's why I don't question none. Just shut your fucking mouth. Put that thing, put that fucking thing in it. Do it. Now roll. Oh, how bad was that? And you feel like a fucking

jerk off. So the same thing. When you look at that Judy Carter workbook, she gives you exercises to do. And there's one of them that after I realized the exercise, I do it all the time. You ready? Go for it. Ten things you fucking hate. Hit me with the first one. If I had to tell you in a list from one to 10, what's the number one fucking thing you hate? Okay. What do you hate the most? I don't care. Broccoli, people will cut you off. Yeah, people who park like assholes. That bothers you. That's the number one thing in your life that bothers you the most. You just said broccoli was an example. Broccoli is like number eight. I don't fucking know. Yeah, sure. That's all that's for right now. Right now. So if I gave you a tape recorder,

yeah, and shut my mouth, I said, I want you to give me all the reasons why you hate when Joey tortures you about watching TV. What's in his business? What I do. It's fucking Friday night. I'm with my girlfriend. I'm fucking relaxing. I went to the gym four times right there. If you say that on stage, that's what they want to hear. Have you been bugging this office? No, I just know. So do you understand? They don't want to hear. I really hate peas and my pork fried rice because you don't. It's something that bothers you, but you still fucking eat it. I'm talking about when you think about it, you get fucking angry. What is it, Lee, when people don't take your fucking coup and it's good. And the reason the thing that makes it the funniest

is that we all have something that bothers us that come on, get over yourself. It should not bother us. It has nothing to do with our lives. But at one time in our life, we let it go into that special dark place. And now every time we think, and it could be somebody cutting you off, Lee's been in the car with me. I don't care what you do on a car. Just do me a favor. Have common sense. We're not even talking about being smart here. I don't care what you're IQ is. Having an IQ and common sense, two different fucking worlds. Common sense is, you know, people are going to go around me. Why am I double parked in the fucking left lane? What kind of fucking human being am I? Let me pull over. You know, little things, you know,

what I want to finger my girlfriend. Let me get a parking spot. Instead of double parking and slowing people, there's little things that you could talk about that you just, hey, you're going to a restaurant and the fucking waiter asks you three times, you know, and it really bugs you, you can't blow up. It just takes you to like six before you start yelling and then you cooled off on your own. That's it. That thing that you, if you went on stage and said, fucking Joey Diaz, fuck him and his fucking no watching TV. I work on a week. I got another thing. I fuck Pauline, whether that's I clean, I do the office. I want to go home with nine episodes, the fucking whatever I want. And people are like, what the fuck is he talking about? They start laughing from your

energy because it's yes, it's the words that come out of your mouth, but it's also the fucking energy how you're saying it. It's not what you say. It's how you say it. Lee, you know what? You're a Jew motherfucking Nazi fuck. Jesus should have burnt you in that fucking camp. Okay. We just laughed. We just fucking laughed. We're also extremely high, but you're ready? Yes. You know what, Lee? You're a miserable Jew fuck. I hope fucking Hitler should have burned your whole fucking family. Right there. That's an offensive thing. But if I said, Lee, someone saved that for this one. I sue you. You're a miserable fucking Julie and Hitler should have burnt your whole family. It's two ways to say that that's comedy and that's the things you learn by doing open mics.

You're not going to go up on stage because you read a Judy Carter workbook or because Sarah Silverman talked to you. You're not going to cut. You're not going to make that shortcut in comedy. Not if you want to get into the level. And this is where anything, whether you play the piano, whether you play the drums. Well, buddy, Rich taught me how to play the, I don't give a fuck. You've still got to play 12 hours a day. You get Paul McCarty. You get all those great guitarists and you pull them into a room and different rooms and you interview them and you put your their mother in the fucking room and you tell them, tell them how long you rehearsed. And the moms will say he was to get home at three, eat a sandwich and go until he

arrives till dinner time, do homework and then go back out there till 11. That's all he did. Right. That's what I mean. That's all you did. That's all you have to do. But then how do you feel as a comic who's put in 20 years and did that work? But then there are people who can skip the line. And even though they, even though they're not going to be as good, they still, they're still working like they're still going to hire them. Somewhere along the line, somewhere along the line, they're gonna, I'm going to have something they're not. Experience overlaps everything. I'm going to get you with experience every fucking time. I don't care what you say. 10 years ago, if I went on stage and I was bombing, I bombed. Now, if I'm

bombing and I flip it, I'm 50%. That means I get myself out of dark situations. You know who's the master at getting themselves out of a dark situation? Joe Rogan. There was nobody in the comedy game that loves to be in a dark situation and could get out of it as good as Joe Rogan. No other comic in the game. I haven't seen Bill Burr do it. You know what I'm saying? Like I haven't seen Bill Burr get pushed. I don't work with Bill Burr enough. Right. Sebastian, because he's a comedy store comic, but Joe Rogan wants to open up in a hole. That's why I opened for Joe Rogan, all those years. That's his discipline. And that's what makes a killer comedian. They want to start in the minus. Anybody could start on a 35-yard line. Joe Rogan wants to start on minus 20 and

drive down the field down your fucking throat. So when he shoves that touchdown down your throat, you're going to laugh the way you did at the end of that joke last week when you were giggling when he was on top of the fucking bar stool. There's few comedians that could handle that type of ego check. I could handle it. I'd do it all the fucking time. I bombed. What people don't know is I bombed 50% of the time and all these last night I ate dick. Really? Yeah. Jim Florentine that room down there. I ate fucking dick. I tried, you know, I just talked. There was 35 people, but I showed up. I did try something I wanted to try. And I went home. That was the comparison, you know what I'm saying? I don't mind being in a hole. I've had to follow Joe Rogan for the last fucking month at

the comedy store. You're in a hole. And the first time that I had to do it, it threw me off a little bit. But after that, I came back with a vengeance because I went home and I thought about it. Most people would have called in sick or canceled their spot after that. I look forward to it now because it's going to make me a better comic on the road. I don't like I've worked with a thousand comedians who are going to remain remain nameless that will not work with heat in front of them to make themselves look better. I think that's a flaw. There's tons of comics who will fucking in their writer will put that they don't want to work with a dirty comic in the middle or somebody very funny. They don't want to do it. Bro, last year I worked with a cat in Michigan

that was blowing me out of the water every night. Some skinny cat from Chicago that's loud and crazy like me. And I went up there and finished the job. But if I didn't have the comedy store marine training I had, he would have killed me every night. He would have killed me every night. He was that strong. Most people would have had that kid fired or switched around or told to switch his jokes up. Most people would go back home that night and call the club the next morning and say, hey, I want him to remove this joke, this joke, this joke. Anything not to make that guy funny. If I told you guys the names of the comedians that did that to me, you guys would shit your fucking pants. You guys would shit your pants. That's why when you see a cat like Joe Rogan

or Ari Shafia or Duncan Trussell or even a little fucking guy from Columbus, Ohio called Red Band, because Red Band will go after me every fucking night. Go up to Red Band and go Red Band. Who do you want to follow? Joey Dias. He doesn't care if he bombs because he knows. He knows that he's going to bomb 10 times. And then for every 10 times that he follows me, he's going to do good one time, then two times, then three times, then four times, then five times. And guess what? Joey Dias is going to have a hard time following that motherfucker. And that's the way life is. You don't want to follow punks. You want to look at the baddest dude in the room and say, I want to follow him. And you got to take that's the discipline. That's the discipline. That's the discipline. Jiu-Jitsu

teaches you that today when I was on top of your league, I could have taken your fucking life at that moment. But I didn't. And you know, I could take your life. Now it makes you a tougher person. That's why I'm telling you. You're going to sit in this town and do the goals you want to hit and the things you want to do. You're going to go to Jiu-Jitsu twice a week because you're going to be a winner if you do this because at 27 by the time you're 35, they can't stop and you're going to see everything coming at you. And the discipline you have from Jiu-Jitsu is going to carry over into your personal life, which means that 801, because you're a fucking Jew from the old country, you're going to be with a pen and a piece of paper figuring out somebody's career, somebody's

next special. That's what a manager does. They don't wait for shit to come to them. They get up and go, you know what? What can I do for my client? How am I going to wake my client up with good news today? You think there's that much correlation between Jiu-Jitsu and your personal life? What do you think I have stayed with Jiu-Jitsu for the last two years because it's helped my comedy? How long did it take you to see a difference? 90 days. Really? Everything flew together. I started Jiu-Jitsu six months before I went back to the comedy store. I started Jiu-Jitsu in May of, no, like a year before I went back to the comedy store. I went back to the comedy store in August of 2014. Okay. I started Jiu-Jitsu in May of 2013.

Well, I have some more than a year. But it all started coming together because I know to get better for me that I was going to quit Jiu-Jitsu. I couldn't breathe. I went to that place. I went to fucking Dr. Bredici's hypnotherapist. Oh yeah, for the brain stuff on your side or whatever. Yeah. And then I went for the fucking, I went to this clinic for $35. They were supposed to hypnotize me to give me better oxygen. It didn't work. It didn't stick. The guy told me to come back for 18 sessions. I told him to shove that up his fucking ass. And I said, you know what? And then Dave presented an opportunity to me. So I started going just to Jiu-Jitsu with him and I'd be embarrassed as fuck, dog. First six or seven times. He just worked on my hips, taught me how to move better

on the floor, how to switch my legs, how to trap people's legs with your foot. And then January, he started making me roll with him. It was brutal. He's fucking long legged. I couldn't pass his guard. He would choke me. He would throw me up in the fucking air. You think I wanted to go see that guy? Are you fucking kidding me? And I had to pay him. Who pays to get that torture? But I knew that if I stuck with it, if I stuck with it, it would help everything else in my life. It let me realize how easy it is to take my fucking life. How somebody could take my life on the street. Makes you think about that? I haven't thought about that yet. You think about that. I was on top of you today. You were turning purple. Really? If I was an evil person, I could have

started choking you. I could have broken your neck. I could have done it. I could have sucked your dick past, made you pass out and sucked your dick and took a picture of you. I could have done a thousand things to you. You know what I'm saying? Well, maybe I shouldn't have gone and you didn't do too many work. No, that's the point. That you're leaving there alive every day. And you're getting stronger. Not your muscles, but your will. Everything around you. And this is the same if you went the simple karate league. If you went to karate and there was this one little white dude that was 15. And when you sparred every day, kicking the stomach and you're kicking your little chubby stomach and your stomach will go. You wouldn't want to go after three days.

Yeah, after three days in a row, you wouldn't want to fucking go back to karate, right? Because he keeps kicking. No, at a 15 year old. But you're going to go, you know what? I'm going to go back to figure out why he gets that kick in. And then one day you're going to figure out how he gets in. You're going to start blocking it. And then one day you're going to figure out how to counter how to block it and punch him in the fucking nose. So next time he throws that kick, he keeps his fucking hand down. These are all things, but they wouldn't happen unless you show the fuck up. I don't, I broke. Do you think I knew this at 26? I didn't know this tall was 30 fucking five because remember I started comedy at like 31 or something, but I wouldn't get sick. I thought it

was like fucking once a month. And the rest don't come to me on stage. It don't come to you. Trust me. It don't come to you unless you work on it. You're not going to fucking go to jiu-jitsu the third time and throw on bars on motherfuckers. Oh, because I seen Rich Franklin do it. No, you didn't. You're not going to, you know what I'm saying? Right. You're going to try, but they're going to figure out a hole because you didn't see all this in the fucking YouTube video. They'll always leave something out. It's like an Italian mother with her sauce. They'll give you the recipe, but they always leave something out. So they always got you. You know what I'm saying? What the fuck you thinking dealing with here? Some novice cocksucker. I love that episode of

Everybody Loves Raymond. Which one? Where Ray's mom puts the wrong label over a spice and gives it to Deborah with her sauce recipe, but then it's terrible. I told you nobody gives you the right recipe. They give you everything except one thing. So they always got you by the thin fucking fuzzies. How you feeling? I'm feeling good, man. So you're very excited. It's the beginning. You and 80 other million Americans are very excited. I congratulate you. I know how excited you are. What have I done? Football. That's it. We're working hard summer. I went through a lot of focus on the team. Fuck in June. You went in. You had no quarterback for the first four games. And then now look at you. Now you got a quarterback starting. What game are they

suspending them? Whatever one he chooses. No, he's not suspended. Not even one game. No, Tom's focused on beating the Pittsburgh Steelers and having a good season. What's the line? I have no idea. What the fuck? How don't you not look? What are they playing? They're playing in New England and it's raining. Oh, shit. Let's see. What are all these? Remember when we used to do them on Sunday and we picked every single wrong loser? That's it. I don't want to even fucking talk about it. I got to throw a fucking slot in my wounds for. Okay. The over and under is 55 and New England is favored by six and a half. God damn. It's seven at some places. God, it's fucking eight in New England.

Probably. Yeah, it's eight in New England, seven and a half and eight in New England. What's a 55? That's a lot of points. I don't know. Well, because it's raining, so there's not going to be good passing. Shit. That's what they're fucking setting you up with, cock-licker. Maybe, but we don't have. What do you think? We have good tight ends, but we don't have very many receivers this year. What would you do if this motherfucker went out tonight and threw four touchdowns? Pima pants. That'd be the best. Do you think he could do it tonight? Fuck yeah. Okay. He could do it just to. So 28 points right there. That's 28. They put up 21 to Steelers. They got a good offense. Yeah, that's close. Raffenberg is 150's fatter than me now. Hold on one second.

What's up, everybody? I love you at all my heart. Where you at this weekend? He's, are you vacationing or jumping up and down or cracking jokes? Like I said, you're pimping it big on the message I left. You forget all about the your Cubans. That's it. You're a big shot now. You're in Honolulu. You got the wife with you? How many months is she pregnant? Six months. Would you please tell her to call me? I want to get on the podcast before she bust a nut, please. There's the third fucking time. I got to tell you, please. I don't want to disrespect you.

All right. Thank you, sir. Call me when you get back from Honolulu. I miss your cocksucker. All right, be good. Be safe down there. All right, bye. I think we should leave that in so people can hear what you're like on the phone. I don't give a fuck. You're gonna leave it in. I want people to know what I'm like on the phone. I called them two days ago. It calls me back now, but he's in Honolulu. It's a 10 hour flight. You know, whatever the fuck it is. What are we talking about? Our football season. Oh yeah. So yeah, listen, after that tough summer, I mean, right now, America is looking at this game like

if you live in New England right now, you're betting this game, you're betting New England and the motherfucking under. You think so? It's raining. You just told me yourself. It's raining. But then you said they could, you just said they could throw 50 like nothing. 55. Yeah. What would it break down? It break down to 35 to 16. 35, 20. That's 55. They got to throw five fucking touchdowns. I don't know if that'll happen. I, and you know, I read part of that article yesterday. I hope it's not all true because if it gets really hard to like, I'm always gonna like him. I'm from Boston. That cheat motherfuckers, but it's American. What do you want me to tell you?

And listen, what's the thing in UFC? Now it's the fucking IV before that it was the steroids. Right. You know, with football, it's the fucking, listen, New England Patriots have always, Belichick has always been a fucking some sort of cheater. And I guarantee he saw his parcels. I think, and here's the thing. It's not, you can't justify like to say everyone's doing it. That's still, that doesn't make it right. But I feel like it is happening. But the part that I just fucking figured out was Belichick was terrible in Cleveland. And that now all of a sudden he's doing great. I love that he's doing great. But it's what were the allegations like they would send people into the other locker room to get the

list of the first 20 plays they were going to run that they had a whole secret like bat cave with with all like notes on coaches and teams and their son and their signals. And like they'd go the week before and table their signals, which wasn't illegal till oh six, I think, but then it's probably illegal, illegal because of us or because that's happening. They've been doing that for 30 fuckers. That's what's I learned. Yeah. And see, that's my point. That's what's I learned for big time colleges. Right. He basically was a consultant to tell you how to play that team. But basically he went there with fucking pedophile binoculars and, you know, and a camera and a notebook and a piece of paper and wrote down everything.

I think the issue is it's kind of like the weed dispensaries that get closed around here. It's the ones that are getting too successful and making too much noise. The Patriots won all the time and with by like landslides. And so that's that's probably gonna that could have pissed people off or I don't know what the issue is. But listen, where they smoke this fire. Oh, yeah, they've already been nationally caught twice. And I'm not even mad at them. Like I believe in football. I believe in all this shit. Because I know when it gets to that amount of billions of dollars, you always need an edge when you're playing that level of life. That picture you tweeted with Robert Kraft and the judge, you know, I'm not lying to you people when I tell you that

that there's prior relationship, there's money, that guy, and he tricked everybody. I don't even I didn't even read the article about New York or how he got that case in New York. But that's Jew shit. That's top notch Murray call this guy call Si and tell Si to talk to the judge and see if he could put that case in New York to trick everybody. No New York judge is going to overturn who gots. He's like the king of the of the American Jews. We're one of them. Listen, man, that that level of money, you spend a lot of money, you know, and here's the funny thing with that level of money, I guarantee they have a budget for cheating. And they call it something else, operations or what's what's the word? When an economist comes in and analyzes

statistics, they have to call it something consulting if consulting. If you look on their payroll, if you look through everything with a microscope and sit them down, there's $800,000 a year to go to somebody who goes to Chicago and takes pictures, not the week before the year before the year before that. That's all he does. Yeah, it's counter fucking intelligence to keep it at that level of sports. You'd be an asshole, not to. You'd be an asshole, not to. And I guarantee I'm not saying Robert Kraft was involved. I'm never saying that, but I'm saying if you think Bella Jackson, I don't know what the article said. I think everyone's involved. It's just it's a fucker had a point. What the fuck? Or you just talking about

no England major to know I'm not mad. And I'm not even thinking about it because it's big a fist a friend of my life, but the whole situation. I was like, it made me think about the Ray Rice thing about how they said that, like, no, they, they hadn't got it at the NFL office. They have all these investigators going and they have all they definitely like for stuff anytime they, and then they had this thing with Mike Martz where they made him release a statement saying the league did a good job. And then they even doctored his statement that they made him make. So I don't believe any of them anymore. That's in their corporations and they have to do what they have to do. Speaking of corporations, something funny happened the other day. I got home

the morning. I went somewhere. I was running around, you know, it's been a hundred and fucking 10 here all week. So by my house, it's tough to park in the afternoon. So I got to walk a long way where the fuck I was. I had to walk. I had like a suit on. I don't know where the fuck I went Monday and I went home, took off the suit, hung it up and just sound the couch and watch air conditioner for two or three minutes just to sit in the air condition. And I was scrolling through to see what was on. It's the one in the afternoon. When the fuck do I watch TV at one in the afternoon and the office and the gentleman was on. You've never seen this movie. I have not. Now, as a kid, like I said before, I hated Richard Gere. Fucking hate him because every girl liked

Richard Gere. I'm like, who's this skinny little fucking weasel? And then, you know what I'm saying? He did American jiggaloo. And I went there. You have like Roger Gens Richard Gere? Oh my god, when I was 18, I hated Richard Gere. I hated any guy that was good looking like that and shit because they interfered in my fucking saboteur work. I already had problems. I'm not a handsome dude. So I got a fucking sling from the left. And now I got a fucking and now I got Richard Gere fucking fucking my world up at the movie theater with these freaks and shit. So I took this girl to the Mayfair to watch that fucking American jiggaloo. And then when he walks around with no pants on, I was doomed. I was doomed. I was looking a finger or something. It was one of the time

once she saw her ass in my ass, there was no fucking comparison. I was like, fuck this, this ain't gonna fucking work. I hated motherfucking Richard Gere. Then Officer and the Gentleman came out and it was like this big fucking movie. And I still refused to go see fucking Richard Gere like fuck you bitch. But then in 85 things got bad for me. You know, I had just stopped doing blow. I was clean like maybe fucking four weeks. I'm hiding. I'm living in fucking I'm living in fucking Crestkill, New Jersey. And I'm working in the city as a bartender five in the afternoon. So I would go into I was Jones and for weed then I didn't do blow. But I love that's when I found love in marijuana when I was healing in 85. Like I just gone through

five years of Vietnam. And here I was living in Crestkill. I had no communication with none of my friends. None of them, except maybe Luke's. Nobody else knew where I was because I didn't want them lying. No, Crestkill is basically 25 miles from West Bergen 30 miles. You know, here I am like nothing like nobody's looking for me like nothing. And I go into the city. It's cold as fuck. I go I get high. I get a dime bag of weed or whatever the fuck it was a nickel bag. And I'm walking on on 181st Street. And also I see double feature thief of hearts and American jiggle. I'm like, Jesus Christ. I'll just see thief of hearts. You know who thief of hearts had? Your buddy who sat in his chair a couple months ago, Stephen Bauer. Oh, so that was Stephen Bauer's first mistake.

Remember he was sitting here going that how this and that the movies he fucking died with this one. That was his first doom. I have to scarface. He turns down top gun, but he signs on for this movie with some Scotchot where they rob him and the red dog him and the guy from the Scotchot, you know, like a fucking more like a fucking moron, right? Right. Him and this fucking him and the red dog. What's red dog's name? Nick Toto calls him red dog from Miami CSI. Oh, okay. I'll look at that fucking guy. We're in this movie where they play thieves and they break into this guy's house. Some fucking more mode that with glasses like some artists type. David Caruso. David Caruso. This is 1984 people. I'm dropping some serious movie fucking knowledge on you. It's fucking 10. It's gotta

be 10 degrees. The winds are coming off the Hudson Lee coming off the fucking Hudson. I walk into the movie theater. It's probably 10 after one. I watched Steve for hearts with Stephen Bauer, Dave Caruso, some other guy, some chick. I'm dying. This movie's fucking terrible. But what are my options? I'm going to walk out in that dead of winter with no friends. Fucking no. I said, you know what? This was bad. How bad could the officer in the gentlemen be? And I'm sitting there like, you know, at this timely, I was not talking to my stepdad. I had gone to war with my uncle, the people, my family. Miami was mad at me. 90% of North Bergen was mad at me. I was homeless. I had just had a place to stay in Cresco. I just was building up my

esteem. Like I was, I wasn't snorting blow. I was just getting to be at 50%. Who the fuck I was, wasn't it? As a man, you know, like, like I would sit there and go, what happened to this piece of time? What happened? I was just lost. And I met this movie theater watching this fucking dude and he joins the Air Force and the guy from Scarface is in the movies. Okay, they got me. He's the father. And boom, Dave Caruso's in that. A bunch of people, officer in the gentlemen, that fucking Oki from Wskokie dude, the chick from trading places, but that's how she got trading. Beverly Hills cop. That's how she got it. This was with this movie and this chick with big tits.

I mean, and I'm watching this fucking movie in Deborah winger and I'm watching this movie about this good looking and Richard Gees got a crew cut and that motherfucker is still slinging dick. If you watch an officer in the gentlemen, put it on with your girlfriend. Even with a crew cut, he's still slinging dick. You're looking at him going, oh, I think I would suck his dick out of gay bar with a couple of quaint lutes in me. I don't even need Cosby there, right? He is fucking handsome as shit with his fucking little white little fucking navy suit on whatever the fuck he's got on. I don't know what I'm hearing. Right. Let me break it down for you. I'm breaking the fucking down for you. Now at the time, Lee, let's face it. I'm a fucking punk over fucking

thief hustler. I'm using credit cards to eat under $50. What does that tell you? That means I would eat the scab off your elbow and rub it on my steak. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm a fucking dirty fuck. And that's what he plays. He plays a guy that gets a guy to buy fucking shoes for him and belt buckles and he sells it to people and he makes 10% off the top and he's just a hustler. He knows how to steal. He knows how to work the fucking system to his advantage. And I'm looking at this movie and I'm like, okay, I'm not rich again, but this is who I am. Just some guy and he joins this thing to hide. All I was doing when I got to LA, I was buying time, but I didn't even know this back then, guys. But at this time in my life in 1985, I'm just buying

timely. For what? Just buying timely. I'm 22 years old. I have no fucking family. I have no career. I have no life. I have no education. I got three semesters in the college in Colorado, Colorado Mountain College. That's as fucking good as I might as well go to fucking ITT and join the fucking entertainment fucking division, whatever the fuck it is. You know, I got nothing. I got no money put away. What I had on my feet, the clothes I had and a couple sets of clothes is what I had, Lee. So why did you come back from Colorado at this point? Because I thought there was something going on in New Jersey. And what I walked into was hell on wheels. I walked into February of 84. Everybody's coked up. Everybody's got coke for sale and everybody's fucking front of it.

And I tried for like three months. I stayed on my fucking good and narrow, but you know what? You could only work for 10 bucks an hour for so long. You see your friends dropping fucking hundreds at a bar. You're sitting there with fucking, you know, bunny rabbit ears and a frown. You're working 60 hours a week trying to be a good guy and your friends are dropping thousands at a bar every week. You know, how long does it take before you buy into the American dream and say, fuck it. Let me get an eight ball of the coke and see what it's all the fuss is about. That's what happened, Lee. And I got myself into tons of trouble. But here I am at this fucking movie theater. In January of 85, I'm just starting to get myself esteemed back and they catch him selling those

belt buckles and the guy tells him, now you got to quit. And he goes, I ain't quit. And he says something. I tweeted what he said. I'm sitting there on the couch and I'm remembering this time in my life in 1985 when I had nothing going on. Now I'm looking at Harry and Demi and I'm looking at Mercy. Mercy was a school of some shit. I think people thought you're having like a breakdown. I was having a breakdown. That's what I'm trying to say. So I started, you see what I wrote? Something about, no, it's old. It's gone. I could quit, but I know you can fucking break me, but I won't quit. And then he gets down on the floor and he fucking, and he's doing push-ups. And he goes, why are you putting up with this? And he goes, I've changed. He goes, no, you didn't

change. You just polished up the edges a little bit. You're still the same. And he breaks him down. He's like, your mama was a fucking Alki. Your father was a fucking hoe chaser. Don't you eyeball me? And Richard Gere would eyeball him. Don't you fucking eyeball me, motherfucker. Keep doing those push-ups. And he would make them do push-ups with his face going into the mud and then lift up and he would have to wipe his face. And he just broke him down. And he goes, you could quit. I'm getting rid of you. And he goes, I ain't fucking quitting. And he goes, quit. And that's when he gets up. And he goes, I got nowhere else to go. And he just starts yelling at me. He just starts yelling at me. I got nowhere else to go. I got

nowhere else to go. And then he takes a beating and goes, I got fucking nothing. Lee, I never wanted to kill myself more than at that time in my life when I was 22 years old, because that's exactly what I was going through. I sat there in this movie just holding my head going, just holding my head going. How the fuck does this movie know what the fuck I'm going through inside? And guess what I did, Lee? I watched the movie, got up, I called my job and I said, I can't come in. I'm sick. And I sat there and I watched the movie all over again. I didn't leave that movie until 10 o'clock at night. It was fucking freezing when I walked out of there. I'd had a nervous breakdown. I sat there and watched that thief of hearts piece of shit.

And I didn't even know what was going on. I just sat there trying to figure out how this fucking black dude knew what I was going through. I just felt horribly. And then he ends up staying and they win the war and he's a hero. He leaves with Deborah Winger, but it doesn't matter. He, yeah, oh, it's tremendous. The guy kills himself as buddy. Someone got mad at me because we gave a season six spoiler of the Sopranos. And the thing is, I get mad too, but you're the worst spoiler in the whole world. But this shows me now for years. Like, it'd be crazy if I got mad at you. Listen, listen, you fucking momos. All right, all this is a gentleman's 30 years old. If you've ever seen it, shoot yourself. You got no fucking taste in movies. I'm over here crying like a fucking

momo. And you're over here trying to tell me I'm more spoilers. The fuck is wrong? You're gonna get some. I gave out season six of the Sopranos. The show's been off the air for eight years. If you haven't seen that show, I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed for you. Anyway, what the fuck is your problem? Come on sucker. I don't have a problem. What are you doing tomorrow? Going to your show. That's at night. What are you doing tomorrow morning? Oh, I have no idea working out. You want to come with me? You want to come with me over to the 9-Eleven memorial, but would I take some pictures with the flag? Where's the 9-Eleven memorial? What's with the question? It's over here in North Hollywood Park. We'll go over there.

Hold on one second. I got to take this real quick. Excuse me. I knew this was gonna happen. What's up, doctor? Yo. Good, sir. Talk. Yeah. Hey Johnny, but in this, I'm gonna build a podcast with you. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. That's my doctor. I got no chlamydia. I finally went away after 18 years. Really? Congratulations. I'm lying to you. I can't believe that you asked me that question earlier. What question? Was it always about work ethic? Well, no, no. Not that it wasn't

always about work ethic, but I feel like... I'm sorry. Not work ethic, but did you people expect to start in the bottom? Yeah, yeah. They always say you have to work, but yeah. I grew up with families that that's what their families did. Do you know what I'm saying? Like when you, let's say your dads were into building homes, that's what Dick did, you and your brother. Like you didn't have a choice, but there's no money for college. We got a boat, we got a house here, we got a house up in Nantucket. You want to go to college and no college. Let's work with that. And someday when I die, you and your brother take over the construction company. Do you think like you go to the dinner table and go, you know,

I want freedom of speech and I want to say in my career, no, no, no. You think my friend Vanirvi that has that undertaken, do you really think that he told his dad, I don't really want to work with dead bodies? Is that what you think? As the male of the fucking house, you had no choice. The fucking two sisters involved in the funeral director. What? That's how it was when I was growing up. The Severino is across the street from me. He had the boy and the girl, the fucking girl, the boy still does the fucking work. For 50 fucking years later, Lee, you didn't tell your father like, no, when you were 10 on Saturdays, that's what you did. You went and worked with your dad. And then when you were 14,

you realized that your dad would pay you big money because you were as good as the men he was going to hire. So by paying you 10 bucks an hour when you were in high school, which was a huge amount when I was growing up, I'm sorry, I'm comparing. That's like me. Ten bucks an hour is still pretty good. Let's say if I said to you, listen, Lee, what do you want? I'm dead and want to be an editor because Joey, listen, fuck you and fuck Joey. What's Joey giving? Two days a week. I got 55 fucking hours. I'll give you 20 an hour for 40 and 30 an hour for anything over fucking on Saturdays. And pretty soon, Lee, after a year or two, when you're 16 and 17, guess who's going to be running those Saturday jobs? Lee Syed, Jr. So dad's going to say,

you know what, today I'm going to give you 30% of the take, which now you're in high school, Lee, and it becomes maybe $1,200 for the day. Let me ask you something. When your guidance counselor says to you, so Mr. Syed, you scored well in the SATs. Have you thrown 11 colleges and you look at them and you flash your fucking ring at them in high school and go, listen, you fucking mook. What do you make a fucking week? $600? If you try with insurance, I'm pulling down $1200 on the Saturday. What fucking college am I going to? I'm going to the College of Print and Cash. And then your brother, on the other hand, he's more of the reaching out type. You're going to fill a void and your brother filled the void. That's the way it was when I

was growing up. Right. And everybody dug trenches. You know, that's what your parents did. That's what you did. There just aren't really that many family businesses anymore. Like I said, you think when everyone went home, I don't want to work with dead people. They give me the yuckies. I will punch your fucking mouth 50 times a day. Get in there, pick up that fucking stiff and cut a zero. But it's like because it's like you or your wife don't have jobs that you could pass down to mercy. So it's like it seems like there's people less of those kind of jobs to have. Most people don't own their business. In this day and age, I don't want you as my fucking best friends that I love to death involved in the job. I want everybody to figure out a gap in this fucking life

that you like and mix it with a business and do it and pursue it. Because if not, you're not going to be happy. I'm telling you right now, dawg, I tried. I tried putting money over happiness. When I was thought, listen, when I went to work for my in-laws, when I got out of the prison, let's be honest here, he was paying me fucking 30 grand a year to start, which to some people like Joey 30 grand. Wow. How many Mercedes Benz did you fucking buy? Listen, living in bold, everybody's paying eight bucks an hour guys. He was paying me 15 and he put it up to 26, then to 35. Once I started generating, you know, dough. But what was my point? I don't even fucking know. But I started on a roof. I started cutting roofs. I know you were making more money. I was cutting more fucking

roofs. But then I had to figure out when I lost that job, I had to figure out a gap. And my buddy said that he had indoor salesmen, but he never really had an outdoor salesman. We started talking and I put that little gig together with the fucking neon with Danny Feebles. I never really wanted to have a job. But I also want you to start somewhere. Like if I could do it all over again, this is the way I do it. I do what you're doing right now. So by the time you're 30, you're making a guaranteed 80 grand a year. And you know all the fucking bases are in your 30. Now you could take this direction wherever you want to Lee. You're going to find the loophole in the system and take this direction wherever you want to. Like I told you, maybe in a month,

you're going to come to me and say, I'm done. I don't want to do this. I want to do corporate podcast. And you're going to go to Nabisco and get the CEO of Nabisco and the guys and charge advertising and pop out a fucking podcast because it's cheaper for them to advertise on the internet with a podcast that will be on TV, which nobody's watching anyway. Am I lying to you? No. I was thinking about this the other day. I'm giving you a free idea, but this takes two or three people. This takes getting on the phone, calling people up, going down there and going, listen, you're advertising and this is what you're spending. You're spending this number. You know how many people are watching this? This many. You know how many people fast forward to this? You know how

many people wipe their ass with your fucking commercial? Did you see they're going to start putting commercials on Instagram? No. It's 30 second commercials on Instagram. Why? Why do you think Lee? Because that's where the action is at. That's where the action is at. And then look, you went for a while and it's free and there's no ads. Rogan posted a picture of you fucking whacking off. He gets 30,000 fucking hits, 16,000, 22,000 and it gets retweeted. Whatever the fuck that is, that goes out to masses. Wait, what do you think that these people aren't going to figure it out in the Biscoll? These people in Monsanto and don't people attack them every week? You think they're going to have like a Monsanto ad? No, not a Monsanto ad, like a podcast.

A picture of like a GMO? They sit there with bulletproof fucking gear on and like swap teams over them and they sit there and do a podcast. Merry Christmas from your friends in Monsanto. Listen, man, why not put yourself out there if you're a corporation? I got a beef with fucking apple. Let me fuck it. No, I don't have a beef with apple, Lee. I'm just saying I got a beef with apple. No, I'm just imagining like the Samsung CEO like slamming like, fuck you, Tim Cook. Yeah, Lee, this is where the next move is going to go because nobody's watching TV for ads. What do I have to lose as the CEO of fucking the Biscoll or Fruity Loom? You know, if I was Fruity Loom right now, I'm sweating bullets because me undies is fucking their world up along

with 20,000 other underwear people. If Fruity Loom was smart, they come out there and do a podcast every week and advertise like these are the first underwear you had on Fruity the fucking loom. Okay, and then do the podcast. We make cotton with fresh cotton. Nobody picks it. We don't have slaves no more. We have machines. They sell you the fucking product during the fucking podcast. That's the future, Lee. And I'm just giving it so I rather you pick a gap and go work for somebody to work for fucking 30 years and sell your soul or whatever the fuck you're doing. Maybe you're not selling your soul, but you're not really doing what you wanted to do. Every job you've had as an editor, you've gone home after the first month and thought about a thousand ways

to improve that job on your own. Everybody does that. Anybody who listens to this podcast will get fucking drunk one night with their sister and or their brother or their girlfriend or their wives and talking about the fucking job they have and how the way that doing it sucks and how they would make it better. And if they had the money, they would open up their own fucking business. Everybody's done that. Everybody's done that including my fucking self. We were talking at Jiu Jitsu about bad bosses that we've had before and I read an article the other day that said that like the majority like 80% of companies are hiring the wrong people to be like the supervisors and they're making the company worse. So it's amazing how like you don't even you don't even

need those people. You could get rid of those people and just have like you were talking about the sales manager at one of your car dealerships. How he cost you money and like how if they just weren't there. So yeah, everyone's been at a job. The problem is that these high level people that these people have the thing called an ego and they impose their ego, you know, because they got to prove who every fucking job you've had. There's one guy with an ego. I started here 22 years ago as a burger flipper and you know the guy's a fucking moron. If he got fired from that fucking job, he had the you know, he's the type of guy that had to walk with the other kids to remember where the school was. Like his father had to put like a fucking torch in front

of the house. So he could get back home. That's how much of a fucking moron he was. When I worked at Swift Electric, I moved back from Colorado in 19 February of 84. And like a week later, I went to my friend, Kirstie Lorenzo's mother. She worked in the union. The kid walks around with a whistle with fucking the father's got pigeons. They send him out there to find the kids and shit. The kids out there like a half a retard clapping. Get the fuck out of here. All of a sudden, they got a job. They've been there because they got nowhere else to go. They put somebody together. Well, and what those type of people do is they find somebody they put together. They really convince somebody that they're the people for the job. So you can't knock them for

doing that. So I get to fucking Jersey. I'm there a weekly. I need a fucking job bad. I go to my friend's mom. She's in the union. She knows some people. And within three days, she goes, go down to this place, ask for this guy, tell him I sent you. I went down there, fill out the paperwork. We used to do that. My starting salary was 200 bucks a week, eight to five Monday through Friday and seven to two on Saturdays, half hour lunch during the week. Because I knew somebody you to get in that you had to start as a helper in the truck. Okay. But because I knew Mrs. D. Mrs. D got me in the warehouse, which meant that in 30 days, I get in the union and it cost me 200 bucks to get in the International Warehouse and my salary would go from 200 to

$807 a week. And I had to pay dues and I got insurance and this whole fucking thing. I was off and running 21 years old, New York City, Radio Rock, 48th and Bergen Line Avenue, 43rd, something like that on the fucking corner. The guy that interviewed me was a bad motherfucker, good dude. The guy that Mr. Swift, the guy that owned the company was like a gangster. Like he was cool as fuck. And then he brought me into this other guy named Anthony and he was like a chubby dude, a jovial fuck that always ate and drank and his tie was open. You knew he was going to die. Like he had a big red neck and shit. You knew he was going to die soon. And he'd go out for lunch and come back lit, Jack. You knew he was fucking lit, this Anthony guy.

You knew he was going to die soon. There were three or four guys behind the counter that were pretty badass, cool as fuck to communicate with. In fact, they threw a 20 out of 10 in your pocket from time to time. If you put an extra little something in the fucking box for the delivery, they gave you a piece of the action. So I started in the warehouse, sweeping, moving fucking boxes. And then there was this fucking guy in that lady that just, he had worked there since he was 12. And now he was 40. All in the warehouse? Yeah. And what happened was that his friend was supposed to get the next job and I got the next job. You follow me? So right away, he started breaking my balls. Was he your boss or just? Yeah. He ran the warehouse. So right away,

he would break my balls every day about everything. Come in. And I'm not telling you to fucking shovel. What are you an idiot? Shoal over fucking here. And he had a super 1984 super that the owner had co-signed for him and he would pull it up and wax it every day. And he wasn't a good looking guy at all. That was the place. Let me tell you how creepy that place was at the time. There was a truck driver there. That's so creepy. This is 1984, ladies and gentlemen. Let me tell you how open this country was. There was a guy there that if you looked at, you could tell he'd either killed a child and buried him somewhere. He had molested a little kid, molested a little girl. He had done something, ladies. He had a different energy to him.

He wasn't. Oh yeah, this guy was just black death, right? He was a white dude. He was a white dude, like a guy from West New York. I don't know what nationality he was. He was a white dude. And I forget what his name was, but he came over and shook my hand and he was very nice. And I would load his truck. Do you follow that? So they would give me orders and I would load his truck. There were three trucks that I had to load. Okay. And then I had to keep the warehouse swept at the electric at the electric place or how to pick the wire. So then the other job I did was help the people who were in the front counter. They would come out and say, the 15 feet of BMX wire or 10 feet of fucking pipe, a quarter inch pipe, you know, whatever the

plastic ship for a pipe underground, whatever the fuck it was. I forget all the terminology now, no judgment. You don't know dick. Yes, I do. I don't know. In fact, I even took a course in residential wiring for 90, you know, whatever, 12, three credits at the university account. That's how I got involved in that. And then I got hired as an apprentice to work at Aspen Electric. I worked at Aspen Electric for a while. Then I got hired by Yeager Electric. Been like an asshole. I went back to New Jersey and left a great fucking job. That was union. The guy was an assignment in electrical union. We were getting, we were waiting on my math grades from high school because they wouldn't let you in the union in those days without your math grades and your fucking

high school diploma. How is your math grades? C's. But I took all pre-core shit, you know, that college pre-core, nothing. No, no, no fucking do we decimal systems, none of that shit. What is that in geometry? None of that shit. I went as far as like algebra two. That's all you need. So there's two classes there. No calculus. I know. I didn't take a calculus. I went to the University of Colorado and I dropped that motherfucker three classes. That was too much. But anyway, this guy was a creepy dude. And one day he goes, dog, you're gonna have to help me today because I got a busy day and I went on the truck with him. And he goes, listen, on the way back, I gotta stop in my house and get lunch. You mind? I was like, no. And he's fucking, he goes, my wife is there.

She'll be downstairs. I'm just gonna take the to-go dish. You get to meet my wife. I pull up. His wife was 15 years old. What? He was like 35 to 40. He wouldn't have white hair yet, but he was going bald already. So he could have been like 38. Well, did she look young or was she actually 15? She was 15. And she came out. They hugged. He gave her her lunch and he got on the truck and I was fucking like, I didn't know what to say. And then like a week later, we did the same thing. I had to help him and he brought me to his house again. She said hello. If I was hungry,

they were very nice people. And then one day I asked one of the way house and he was, oh yeah, he married him when she was like 13 or something. He's had him. He born or something. From where? I have no fucking idea. Why did anyone report this? We'll get that lunch. 1983, Lee. People don't know nothing. 1984. Lee, but the whole company knew he was married to like a 15 or 16 year old girl. And what happened was he was with her since she was like 14 or 13, but he married her when she turned legal, like 16. He had been with her since she was a kid.

Parents knew. Everybody fucking knew. Oh, it was the Cree Lee. I didn't even want to be in the truck with the fucking dude. But anyway, back to the story, that dude that had been there for 20 years. Oh my God, it was terrible. That dude used to torment me every day. And one day I went fucking off on him. I already had the bartending job at that time. I felt bad. I didn't think they were going to find me because Anthony liked me and Mr. Swift liked me. And they just said, no, no, no, I keep your job. They're going to give you a raise. And we're just going to put you in a different department. We want to put you

in the front, but you're just going to be in the front. You're just going to be that number one guy going back and forth. And I think I lasted three weeks after that. By that time they had given me a raise to maybe 420 something a week or something. I don't know what the fuck it was. It's fucked up when you have like a boss who like every, like I had this one manager at Legal Seafoods who every time she saw me, I think she didn't like my dad when my dad worked there maybe, but every time she like, I ended up getting like this. I ended up getting fired from there from like something crazy. When I fired, I would just, I guess quit, but I don't know. But it was just, it's, it's terrible when there's someone there that makes like, when like, when you said

like there were growing pains coming into podcasting, I used to hate like when you would wake up and then you'd be like, okay, I got to work. Like that's, that was my first thought for all those years. And I never, I never felt that way about podcast. Like that's why that's why I think you're what you're saying is right. And you have to find like, there's this website someone told me about called like you to me. And you can people on there making like hundreds of thousands of dollars selling online courses. So there's like ways to make money online and do all that shit. So if you hate where you're going, I could waste your time for eight weeks. You want to send me money? Anything we've discussed, I could waste your time. I could write it up on the tablet and give you a

course. How about you just go out there and put your both feet into it and you learn so much valuable information. Dog, I ducked life while I was 30 Lee. I'm looking you straight in the face. I always thought there was a better fucking pot of gold somewhere. I had the answer. These motherfuckers, you worked here how long eight years and you're still not a man an assistant manager and you still work Saturdays. What the fuck is that? That's communist Cuba who works Saturday eight fucking years. I did everything until I realized that they had to be working ball and then I quit the job. I do everything I could until I realized that after I was there six weeks, I wasn't moving forward. This is what it was for at least three years until they let

me move up and do the next job and then it'd be another two years till I became what I'm supposed to become and then it take another three or four years to really, really get good at it, to really make money out of it. Even if I was on the stairs in electrician, so that put me at 30 years old. I would have to be 30 to really start making 35 bucks an hour, but by that time you figure it out and what do you do? You open up your own business. I don't want to do commercial fucking electrician. I want to do residential rewiring where you buy the house, I come in, I rewind the whole fucking thing, I fix all the fucking boards, I pipe it, whatever the fuck you need and I'm out of there and this is a flat fee, but now you're competing

about it but you got a bit different, but you're doing it for yourself and that's the most important thing. You make your own hours, you get your own pay and then everything falls into place man. You'd be surprised how much work. We all worry about if I make the leap, will work still come, fuck yeah work will come your way because enthusiasm breeds. When you're hungry, you sell. When I'm hungry dog, I'll put it together. We'll put this podcasting fucking thing together when you're hungry, you know what I'm saying? You do anything like that in life when you're hungry. So I always want the person to get the education. I always remember one thing somebody told me when I was 21, there was a school for bodyguards in the Aspen called ESI. ESI was executive security

information, learn how to be James Bond, learn how to take a boat with terrorists and karate chopped them all with the art of St. Col de Mayo and how to take over a castle with terrorists and knock them dead with bullets and tear gas and grenades. I'm not lying to you guys, how to take over this, how to take a man to hand to hand combat. All this easy course would cost you $20,000. Financing was available if qualified and also it was six week course. So in six weeks you're going to teach me how to take over. What if I'm Lisa Ayad and Joe Diaz? And one day we just wake up and go, Lee, it's time we fucking take over. We take our country back of Israel and we wear suits and yarmulkes and we fucking go out there and take over little

villages like some place that's smaller than Idaho and we start hating black people in Puerto but we like Germans because we feel bad. You know, something fucking crazy, right? And what the fuck are we talking about? We're going to go to that six week course. Yeah, because in six weeks you mean to tell me, Lee, I'm going to teach you how to kill. Listen, you know what you're going to learn, Lee? You're going to learn the motors. The first time you pull a gun out, I'm going to tell you a fucking amateur to shoot you right in the fucking head. Unless you have the tenacity to kill from the start, then you know how to kill. You learn how to kill on the fucking street. You really do and you learn how to defend people on the street.

But you mean to tell me in six weeks, if I give you $25,000 of my hard-earned fucking money, you're going to teach me how to sub-do and kill eight guys in the room with the deadly art of ninjitsu, art you developed in Mexico where you were kidnapped and tortured by these fucking villains. Let me see this village. Where's this fucking footage? And I'd see people go up there, dog, every six weeks and sign up and then somebody made it simple to me. Some guy goes, listen, let's pretend you got $10 million and you got your family. And some guy comes into you. Are you going to hire some guy that looks like fucking, what's his name? You know, Tatum Chanum with a gun to come in? Oh, he just took the six-week course and how to fucking defend.

What are you going to hire to do with the missing eye and the twitch? And he's got like a rash on his neck from yellow arms from Vietnam. And he's on his resume, just has like a amount of people we killed with a fucking, with a skull bone in it. Who are you going to hire, dog? Skull bone, McGee. Okay, what are you going to tell Tatum, Tatum to go back and join the Boy Scouts for fucking two years? He didn't have the patience. All those people got taken. Now, one of those people got fucking hired, I guarantee you, because I'd rather hire somebody who was in the military for four fucking years. You know why? Because he's heard a gun go off before a thousand fucking times. If you went to Vietnam, that's the motherfucker. I don't care what the fuck if you're missing an arm,

that's the motherfucker I want to my right if I got a billion dollars on Pablo Escobar. The guy with the missing arm that's gone through hell. I don't want the guy who looks like Tatum Chanum with a suit saying hello to people. I don't give a fuck what he looks like. You know what I'm saying? And that's where we all get taken. Everybody thinks you're going to learn how to do something six fucking easy weeks. Get the fuck out of here. Listen, you want to learn how to cook, go to red onion, go to one of those places where they fucking get animals on a daily basis and you got to marinate. That's how you learn how to cook at one of those Taco Bell places. Anybody could cook meat that tastes good. Get one of those Billy goats from the tent that's running,

that's running around. Marinate one of those things that's been out in the road, get hit 20 times by a tire, make it taste like fucking the shit that comes in your fucking taco. That's the chef you want to be. Anybody could get a hundred percent meat from Whole Foods and put onion salt and make it taste delish. Let me see you get a possum and sell it as fucking filet mignon and shit and some white dude saying this is the person filet mignon. Meanwhile, they're eating somebody's fucking somebody's scum. You would never eat scum. No, I wouldn't, but what do you know what you're eating every time you eat Thai food? What do you know what you're eating when you go to fucking these taco places and you don't know what the fuck you're eating and you even told me you went to

fucking the place Paula likes, the Mexican place, bowl of debt. What's the name of it? You know, the McDonald's place that they sell Mexican food and wraps and shit Sebastian. Oh, Chipotle. Yeah, bowl of debt. That's what that is. And you said you looked at the brown meat raw like cooked like in the thing brown. Yeah, that looks like it's got those bacteria already on it. You ever see when they'll show somebody's stomach, the bacteria, that's what that meat looks like. I've never grown. My wife likes it. It drives me crazy. It's really tough. It's good in a burrito, but we don't want it on the bone. I beg that don't take mercy there. Please don't be in our favor and it hurts my soul. Yeah. Let me do some shout outs. There's a good little podcast I liked. I got

stoned today. We had a good fucking time. Well, how much do we have talked about self esteem? We had a bunch. We had like 200 milk over there. No, no. We had like 60, 70. No, you we split up a red hornet. What are you talking about? Packets. We split that right there. No, we split. We each had our own. What are you talking about? Here's the death. There's no, there was one. Now you're making it up. Now you're just, now you're just not telling the truth. Get the fuck up. You sound like one of those blowers and shit. Don Wrangler, Rory Oliva, Timothy Ward, Jamie, Uki Spooky. I love you. Thank you for sticking up for me, Uki Spooky, when I get into that talking layer, security, fucking, I'll see you in two weeks. Get ready

to eat 92 fucking stars. You understand? We're going to make your left eye pop out. Lance Armstrong, always good to see you. And my main fucking dude, Akid Elias. Stop me if you can. I spoke to Don Wrangler yesterday on my podcast. Don Wrangler was a good fucking dude. His family. Don Wrangler's been around since Jesus left Chicago. Anybody could show up and tell you they love you. Don Wrangler's been there through battles. He has been. Jesus Christ. What do you got planned for the weekend there? Fuck nuts. Anything good? You looking good? I'm proud of you today. You came to Jiu Jitsu. We had a nice time. You learned something. That was a good time. I never lied to you, my brother. Listen, regrets I have. I didn't get into this 10 years early. I would have been

a complete different human being. I would have been on TV three years ago because the top, the discipline from going and getting choked and all that shit. It's amazing. And I think any martial art fucking helps you. I've always told you an hour a day, three days a week from all your fucking bullshit. You could be broke. So don't bullshit me. You could be flat broke and go to a park and do jumping jacks, set ups and push ups. Leave your phone in the car. An hour, three days a week. I get up now early. I get up before 30. You think I want to get up before 30? I get up. I have a little coffee. I pee. I feed the cats. I clean the little boxes. And I got an hour and a half by myself. That is priceless in this world. To just collect your thoughts. I ain't

lying to you. I go on that balcony. I hit that pipe two times to get the blood going. But a little fucking, I get a pen. I get my glasses. And I fucking write in the mornings now for an hour and a half. Denzel once said that. Any man who fucking could laugh, cry, smile, and one day it's a good day. Somebody said that. Some actors said that, which makes sense. You know, that's the same thing when you write in the morning. It's my hour and a half. I always did it for years. When I was doing really well, writing lies and good jokes, I was getting up really early. I was walking around a little bit with an insomnia. Some days I'd be tired. But this is what life's about. This is what you got to do. Are we in the middle or earthquake? No, it's me tapping my leg. I'm filled with fucking

joy today. You know what I'm saying? I'm excited because the lobster truck's going to be either the baby's going to be happy. I'm going to be happy. I'm going to be here next Thursday. I'm pretty good. I got a good schedule. I got to spend some time with everybody. It was a good summer. We got to get, you know, everything's good. I can't complain. I wish knock on wood. And I hope everybody else is doing well. Your kids are back at school. Something really weird happened. Let me break it down, okay? The other morning I woke up to my girl and common-dunned and fucking lieutenant of debt, spooky, spooky. And then the main man himself, talking land, and we're going back and forth about an individual had said something about

me in a podcast or something like that. You know what, folks? I just want you to know something. And this is because when Lee told me and I was figuring it out, I giggled because I want you guys to know one thing, that these dudes, half of these people, they walk around, they hug you, they do this, but half of them look at you in weird ways, man. They're not really, trust me when I'm telling you this. Listen, I got into this for tons of reasons, Lee, but the main reason, because I read that book Lenny Bruce wrote about doing comedy in New York and he lived with a stripper and he went back to his, to the Chelsea hotel and he shot heroin and he barely made a living. But he paid his rent, he ain't, he shot heroin, he got his dick sucked.

When I was 30, that's what I was looking to do. Comedy was the easiest path to resistance. I get when you go to the elliptical and you don't use the handles now. It's the easiest path to resistance. All I did was that, was go the easiest path to resistance. I was not going to fucking put five years of my life to be an electrician. I was not going to do all these things I tried, which I liked. I still think about doing electricity now. I feel like I'm being an apprentice at a company two days a week and hanging lights and shit. You know, I'm an asshole, dog. Anything that I could smoke weed and be left alone, I would excel at. Is it good to smoke weed and be around electricity?

I did it for fucking two years. I loved it because I'm alone. I got the Walkman learn. I got my little tristly belt. I got my fucking screws with the fours. I got my screwdrivers. I got my drill. I got my lights already set. I got my little ladder. I make two holes. I pop an anchor. I put my hang the lights. I drill it. I put the shield up. I take the wrapper off. You know, you could do, let's say you're working on a building like this. Each office is the same way. So I come in here. Oh, you got to hang overhead lights. This is a week of work. I do two, three offices a day. I set two or three of them up with wire and then I come back with a scaffold. That's what I did. You could depend on me. I could be there at 805 and you could go

Joe and go and I'd be a fucking moron and do this little work. I could handle that. So how old were you when you started electricity? How old would you have had to be if you wanted to wait five years? I would have been 25, like an asshole, 25. I would have been a, because you start as an apprentice, a residential for two years and then you have to get another license at the time. That's what it was. What really crushed my career as an electrician. I loved it and I was excelling at it. I knew how to bend pipe already, how to make horseshoes. I knew a lot of shit about electricity. A lot of people at my level wouldn't have known. I feel like electricians right now have been like, yeah, but I took the course

from the electrical inspector in Aspen. So the final project to pass is you got to go wire a house from scratch. So there's like three houses and you and two other students kind of go in there. You get an A or a B or you fail and we got a name. He went to all three of us and he goes, listen, these guys don't even get it. If you want, call me and I'll get your jobs. And I called them and he got me a fucking job like that for like eight bucks an hour in three weeks. I had a 10 because they figured out that any job I was on was going to get passed. So every time they had a big job, they go, Joey, come on, we're giving you a raise, working on this job. Little did I know they were using me because the electrical inspector came,

he gave me a hug, he correct me and he go, boom, passed. Are you fucking, who the fuck do you think you're dealing with, Lisa? I had some fucking novice from the other fucking side. I've been telling you this shit for years. You always had it in, like the Chinese restaurant over again. Oh, at least I, yeah, you always got to, you always got to pay a big. You always had to have to get a taste. I was, I wasn't getting, that would give me a taste because they knew that fucking I knew the dude who inspected, who's better than Uncle Jack. And then I took that taste of Jager. I call this Jager electric one and I go, listen, this was going on. They give me this, but I'm goombas with the fucking this guy. So any job

I'm on, it's past. He just comes, corrects it and passes me. And they're like, when do you want to start? What are you going tomorrow morning at eight o'clock? Pick me up at snowman. And they're like, pick it up. I'll be there. They bring coffee. I know people and they fucking come up, pick me up. And they were good. They were good to me. And then I went to Jersey like an asshole. And I tell you what killed my electrical career. What? Hoboken, New Jersey. Well, I was making 12, 15 an hour at Aspen getting picked up. Lunch was being bought for me. I went to Hoboken. They're like, well, how are you in the heartbeat? But they wanted to start me at eight bucks an hour. And it was basically labor and going underneath and taking out rewiring and going under the

buildings where rats were in scorpions and bodies. Fuck you. You have no idea when you got to go. I forget what, what it's called. You got to do that as an apprentice. Yeah. That's what you do. You got to go under the fucking house and set up wiring the skunks under there. There's raccoons. There's dead animals. There's rats. It's a fucking nightmare. When you, when you move, you probably have to start at the bottom again. Oh yeah. No, no, like that. But this was like, they wanted me to start way, way, way, way, way deep in the murky waters of the underworld. I ain't no one nobody had done that for about eight months. But then like anything else, I moved up to wine and bathrooms. And in those days in Aspen, the hot thing was if you know how

to wire electric towel warmers, that was the big thing in Aspen at the time. Like, you know, like Uber is now. Like if you wanted to be cool and ask me, you had an electric towel warmers. So when people came over, the towels were warm. That sounds nice. And guess who knew how to wire those things? Uncle Joey. Like a motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to move to crack my fingers today. You're having that mood and shit. Some Cubans do this. I'm in the mood of snap my fingers. Let's get the fuck out of here. Take two steps to the rear and get out of here. What the fuck happened? The ice house tomorrow night, bitches. Vegas next week, the CD. What's the name of the place? Jesus Christ. The sub point hotel. And you can get room and show

package deals if you call them. So do it. And the week after that, I'm in New York City at the Gotham Comedy Club. Oh, fuck. All right, here we go. This is gonna be dead on two legs. All right, for you people who know, if you don't know, now you know, when we fucking make it happen here, like this morning, I went to Jesus, I didn't give none to Lee. The first time it's always I got my on it in the bag. Next time I go out, take a picture and fucking send it to you guys. Always little shroom tech before I get on the mat. So I lift weights just because I'm a fat fuck. I want that extra energy so I can my my workout could last a little longer. Shroom tech is the one I work with in hem force protein. That's what I work with on a full time level. I go on cycles of the

alpha brain. Don't worry about it. It worked. It was shown to the fucking gills. You people are looking at me like, Joey, why are you stuttering? Why? Because we dropped some fucking elbows of debt. I've been smoking reef. I did the pedoscope this morning with a periscope, pedoscope, whatever fucking it is. The truck driver had pedoscope. The who? That truck driver. What truck driver? With a 15 year old wife. Oh, he was disgusting. He has the pedoscope. That was the creepiest fucking thing ever. I can't believe no one said like, Hey man, what happened here? In those days, whatever you did, nobody knew nothing. You could you could be married to a goat as long as you paid your taxes and we're nice fucking leave him alone. Who cares?

But gay marriage. So anyway, honor.com for all your fucking supplement needs, Derek. It's a great product. I tell you, motherfucker, it's constantly whether it's the alpha brain, the shroom tech, the hem force protein, this is the shit I know about. You want to try the tea, the testosterone boost, you want to try the TCT oil, all that stuff is available before you go read up about it. You're going to fucking love it. And there's just an intro just to let you know how much I love you. I'm going to give you 10% off right off the back because that's Uncle Joey Rose. I'm not here to hold it on to myself and whatever 10% off goes to you. Go to the box and press in church, CH, you are CH and get 10% off your first thought of honor. I ain't fucking around

with you. This shit fucking works. You're going to fucking love it. Try that. Let's say you fly. Let's say you hang out with fucked up people. You smoke crack. Get the shroom tech. Get the shroom tech. Immune. Let's say you suck on a pipe. Let's say you're a female. You suck 10 dicks a week. You don't want to get sick. One of them fuck somebody with the flu. There you are coughing. You know, it's tough to make a living when you're coughing. Try shroom tech immune. There you go. Go to honor and press in church, CH, you are CH and get 10% off your bad motherfuckers. Maybe you're going to rehab with the honor. Get the honor and then go to rehab. I got to mention people, rehab. People going to AA meetings. What the fuck is this?

I got problems, Lisa. Listen, we all know how sexy confidence can be. That confidence is being fucking comfortable. If I had my nuts on my underwear, my ass and shit, I'd walk in here and I wouldn't feel as good. You could see it on my face. There's something wrong with Joey. He's either constipated. He's having a bad day, but now you know why I'm comfortable? Because I got me undies on. I had my fucking me undies on. All that type of activity because I don't want shit to happen. I don't want nuts to fall out. I'm confident. I still wear my tidy whiteies from time. I got a nice suit on or something. I got to wear the tidy whiteies. I got to go old school to drop it on these youngsters, but when I'm doing activity, when I'm climbing,

I'm doing what the fuck I do. Jumping. You know what I mean? I parachute. This fucking moron almost fell over. Speaking of parachuting, this fucking momo almost fell over here. What was I talking about? Me undies. Listen, why fuck were you all right? They got a complete line of women's and men's underwear. Comfy is all hell. I wish I was lying to you guys. They got shorts. They got great t-shirts. You just had the me undies t-shirt on for a great light. You could wear it underneath. Fucking tremendous. Comfortable as shit. You understand me? That's what me undies has. They're fucking comfortable as shit. But hey, don't you don't believe me? Go to meundies.com right now. Look at the great selection of men and women's clothing they have,

but focus on those underwear guy. They have bad motherfuckers. Your bulge comes up. Your nutsack stays dry. It's a fucking tremendous product. I wouldn't kid you right now. I wear 90% of the time. I'm right now. I don't have a month until I'm going commando because it's 140 degrees. Let the ball sweat go where the ball sweat go. Anyway, do me a favor. Go to meundies.com right now and press in. Joey. Boom. And get 20% off your order and free shipping in Canada and the United States. It also, let me tell you something else. Motor is pronounced more dull. Meundies is made from motor. A fabric that's twice as soft as cotton. That's why that's so nice. Twice as soft as whatever underwear you're wearing right fucking now. That's what I'm trying to

tell you, man. That's what it says in the script. I'm just fucking telling you how I feel. That's what they're telling you to tell you. I'm telling you before they fucking told you. How's that for yourself? Go to meundies.com right now and get 10% off. 20% off your first order and free shipping to Canada and the United States. Thank you for correcting me. That's the first jewel. Give you 10% more of anything. You know what I'm saying? If this was his company, you would get fucking guts. Let me ask you something. You walk into a grocery store and you find an hour snacks. What the fuck? Awesome, right? Imagine you didn't have to leave the couch. You get these chips. They all taste like fucking dick. Tell me a favor. You want to get healthy, nutritious snacks,

pre-portioned portion. You could close them and open them when you want. Go to naturebox.com right now. Nature Box offers a complete, delicious, nutritious snacks, whether it's the black and peppalentals, whether it's the jalapeno cashews, whether it's the jalapeno popcorn, whether it's the sesame sticks. Listen, every week they get better and better. Did I not give you your box? No. Jesus fucking Christ. I never get my box. I thought I gave you your box and shit. You always say that and then maybe I get like a weird one. Nah, I thought I sent that. I gave you your address. They fucked up again. I got to talk to nature box. You know what I'm saying? Nature box is what snacks are on my counter right now. And I'm even, you know, my baby loved to get those salt

and peppalentals. Oh my God. She just took the whole bag from me. The jalapeno cashews, they went down. The sriracha cashews went down. Have you tried like the Asiago crisp things? Not yet. They're so good. Oh, they're so good. Oh my God. They're like cheese. They're like fancy cheeses, but healthier and delicious. Listen, guys, they're all out. They got granola. They got great snacks, but don't go to naturebox.com right now and put in nature box.com slash joey. And look at the great selection of snacks and meals at none. They got no meals. Why are you looking at me all weird? That's the next one. You confused with me late. No, go to naturebox.com right now. Slash joey. Slash joey and get your and take a look at the nutritious, delicious snacks

that they have available to you right now. Go to naturebox.com slash joey and press and whatly. You know what the press lead. Don't be lying to me. No, seriously, naturebox.com right now. Slash joey. Tremendous, nutritious, delicious snacks delivered right to your door and you could personalize your own snacks. All right. This is the one that I've been getting great reviews from people, but emailing me, thanking me. They're like, Joey, how did you find out about this? I just had it here. Why are they lying to me for? Did you take the copy for me, Lee? No. Anyway, let me let me talk to you people from the heart because this has come to my house a couple of times and I really enjoyed it. Blue Apron is a service that they deliver

pre-portioned uncooked meals delivered right to your house. They come in a box with looms full around them with a nice little, they're sealed. You take it out, they have the recipes they send you and they have the exact amount of what you're going to add to each recipe, how to cook it, what temperature, whether you bake it, cut it, everything comes cut. I mean, if they send you a cucumber, the cucumber comes whole. They expect you to cut it. Don't be that lazy. No, but it's cool because a lot of times when you're cooking for like one or two people and you want to make a whole recipe, you have to go buy a spice you don't have. You use it twice and then it just sits there. So they send you all, all, everything to the dot on that thing and you add it, dilute, whatever

the hell you want to do. You put it in there, the nutritious, the calories, the protein. I mean, everything's in there, measured for you. You know, how many times you come home, you know, stop at the store and then you got to park the car, walk in, stand online. Once you're online, you forgot the pepper, now you got to walk back, get online. By the time you get home, you're tired. Scratch that. With Blue Apron, you get home, the meals already brought in, your kid brought it in, you bring it into the thing, you go to the bathroom, you take a pee, you wash your hands, you take off your skirt, whether you've got pants on, let's say you're a guy, whoever fucking cooks in the house, you go back there, you open up the box, you get the skillet or the boiler, whatever it calls for

you to make, and boom, you make delicious, nutritious dinners right there available to you. They got a two-person plan and they got a family plan. Let me tell you what the two-person plan I had this week. They had Salmon Burgers, Alioli, and they had Mushroom Regatt Calzone. Can you imagine getting home and make a mushroom, Regatt Calzone? That's the two people dinner. Let's say you got a date on Wednesday night, you got a couple of those boxes sent over, you cook it up with a, it makes everything a lot easier. I want to sign up for it, but eat both of those. Fuck, I eat the whole thing. Then for the family plan, you had BBQ roast pork and you had crispy cod sandwiches, little things over like a little coleslaw. Oh my god, that's the family plan and all this,

it's even cheaper if you buy it and I'm telling you right now, it's pennies cheaper, but don't believe me. Do me a favor, go to blueapron.com and press in Joey and get how many meals? Two. Two meals for free on them, blueapron.com. You will not be sorry, you're busy, you don't really have time to go shopping. Give Blueapron a try, they're giving you two free meals. What are they pressing? Joey. That's it. Oh god, that's it. It's a wrap people. I about to shout out to Honit, meondies.com, naturebox.com, and Blueapron. I want to send them some love and thank you for sponsoring the show as always. I want to thank my main man, Lisa Yat, for putting it together. I'm doing these Flying G Radio call-in shows about topics, so if I just did one about religion,

so people want to listen to it, I appreciate it. All right, any other call-in topics you want to do about Catholic? Why are you giving me crap for no reason? Call-in right now. Who? Anybody. So wait, Ice House and then Vegas. Okay. Okay. All right, don't forget about me, people. I love you guys. Thank you for supporting the church. Don't forget next week I'm doing the DVD. Las Vegas, then it's in New York, fucking city. Got them, Comedy Club, 1145 for the creepers. The people that don't hang out with people that go to church, 1145. You know what I'm saying? You got to come have your duty. Like I said on the fucking FITZ podcast. If you got 44 D's, you cannot be a Christian. Shut the window,

part three. Fuck it. I love you guys. Stay black. This show is brought to you by Blue Apron. Blue Apron sends gourmet recipes and all the fresh ingredients you need to make them right to your door. And our listeners get their first two meals for free. Just go to blueapron.com slash joey and start cooking incredible meals at home with Blue Apron. Blueapron.com slash joey. Now that the show is over, don't forget to go to naturebox.com and go and check out all the great tasting healthy snacks. Forget the vending machine and start snacking smarter with delicious treats like barbecue kettle kernels. Go to naturebox.com slash joey. That's naturebox.com slash joey. Go to meundies.com slash joey and you're going to get

20% off your first order of all the great men's and women's underwear, t-shirts, socks, sweat pants, and you're going to get free shipping in the United States and Canada. Go to meundies.com slash joey and go to honit.com and you need to go to church to get 10% off all the great optimization products like Alphabrain, Shoom Tech Immune, Shoom Tech Sport, and NuMove. They're crying the dark so you can't see the tears. They're hiding the light so you can't see the fears. Forgive and forget all the while. Love and pain become one and the same in the eyes of a wounded child because hell, hell is for children and you know that their little life can become

such a mess. Hell, hell is for children and you should not debate for your love with your parents and your flesh. It's also confusing, this brutal abusing. They blacken your eyes and then apologize. Be glad he's a good girl and don't tell mom for me a thing. Be a good little boy and he'll get a new toy so grandma you fell off the swing because hell, hell is for children and you know that their little life can become such a mess. Hell, hell is for children and you should not debate for your love with your parents and your flesh and you know that their little life can become such a mess.

Hell, hell is for children and you should not debate for your love with your parents and your flesh and you know that their little life can become such a mess. Hell, hell is for children and you should not debate for your love with your parents and hell, hell is for children, hell is for children, hell is for children.