Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #319 - George Perez

Episode Date: September 22, 2015

George Perez, Comedian seen on "Payaso Comedy Slam" joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   
NatureBox. Visit naturebox.com/joey and check out all of their great snacks   MeUndies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for five Hit E Cig's for $50   Recorded live on 09/21/2015.
 Music:  I Want You Back - Jackson 5 I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Como Fue - Beny More

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to blow smoke in people's faces and you don't care what the nicotine level is go to hit e six dot com and use code word joey's church to get five or fifty you're gonna get five hit e six or fifty dollars. The church motherfuckers a little early michael jackson before he became a pedophile this is bp the four pedophilia monday night september 21st the day the devil was lit on fire cars be raped them and god knows what happened to that motherfucker oh shit are you fucking kidding me when he had you do himself and the puppet came out fresh from vegas lisa yad my little brother george perez in the building oh

show you that i love you back to your heart oh shit are you fucking kidding me are you fucking kidding me how old was he at this point fucking six or seven just ripping up oh my god i still remember walking from a movie her majesty secret service with james bond and making my godfather go to 42nd street and there was those record stores and i bought the album abc i didn't give a fuck what time it was when i got home i put it on there was no earphones then there was none we just put that motherfucker on and let the neighbors knock fuck it what was the first song that came out on that i think it was abc okay abc and i want

your back is on that and there's something else on that and then after that they just fucking it was a rap there was no fucking looking back man and he did that for 30 fucking years after that so you know it's it's a may we were at the uh ice house tonight and mrs pat was there right and we were talking about michael jackson now and i said my favorite michael jackson album of all time is the best of michael jackson it was transition in between the jackson five and the solo career oh all right it was like 80 he still had the nose he still had the afro and he put out an album and it was him with a pigeon on it she was laughing on it she was like ain't no michael jackson now with a white mother fucking pigeon and bam lee found it oh and i'm telling you that's my

look it up it's because i remember i was he's the best of michael jackson wearing like a black jacket and a gray shirt no he's not a radar fan at that point he's still fucking yeah he's still jumping up and down with the indianapolis cults or whatever the fuck he was in at that time yeah the best of michael jackson i gotta be where you are one day in your life it's got a bunch of great fucking champs on there you know it just turns out you know this is how life turned out to it's like anderson silver to be the champion for so long and then a fucking little steroid thing yeah just him holding like a dove a dove yeah that's how i'm best out i still remember all that shit like i was a kid when all that was news like when germaine left to marry the daughter like that was

fucking groundbreaking like you know it wasn't on tmz there was no tmz but i remember them talking about in the news like for people who don't know that jackson five with the phone yeah done germaine left to marry the fucking thing and you knew it was gonna it was gonna be michael time so what do you do because like now nowadays have like a band breaks up it goes over twitter like that like that one dude just left one direction and like the internet exploded what happens before the internet like when that happens still like people just go they just went you know you heard about it and if you were a jackson five fan you know by that time they had all gotten older they got ugly they weren't the cute little fucking kids that came on the scene but michael could sing yeah he was the talent of everybody

you know he was jordan of the squad yeah he was michael jordan germaine was pipping you know whatever and then uh but janet came through janet jackson came through of all of them at the end she was like the kobe but you know what's going on with her now no it's a fucking nightmare oh yeah her album came out or it's coming out and they got a world tour they're not selling tickets oh like three tickets like some like 12 tickets so they're trying to play the old janet if you look i think the album is for free on fucking youtube oh shit like yeah you know i listen man you cannot not put an album out for eight years or whatever the fuck she did and stay vocal in this you know sure they could do that shit yeah but you're still gonna always have your base fans okay but it's a whole new game out there

janet jackson's an old fucking lady now come back to singing sex songs yeah to be singing whatever and jumping up and down with people so that was the thing she made a heavy transition so that was a janet i want to see it i want to see it's work yeah rhythm nation no uh if if she was fucking smoking is it possible for her to be good for that long though like it could it just be that she's had a good run like Jesus listen man when you're an artist a musician whatever fuck you are you continue to make music whether you're selling records or you're not selling records then you have a base core of fans and they buy whatever the fuck you put out they support you they've gone to see you they support you through all the years you know you have a base core of

fucking fans but you gotta stay current you know i don't know what the word is what's the word you have to stay active you have to stay she was doing movies for a little bit no current i think current whatever you said it's yeah you have to stay in like in the mind of in like pop culture she did a movie with tupac that was 20 fucking years ago she let jesson timmerlake grab her titty on tv you know with that old wrinkle fucking brown pig you know they banned it from cbs yeah i mean you have to do something in her music i don't know what i heard one song and it's just too slow janet it's too slow you gotta fucking pick this shit up man yeah i haven't fucked with janet jackson since any place any time would you mind yeah that's that's if if yeah great out that's the album

a shit fuck if and i'll tell you what man the pleasure principle not fucking bad not bad when i was a beginning comic i had that whatever the fuck cassette whatever the fuck it was in the car and i'll tell you what that pleasure principle got me from point a to point b the last album oh and then i went i said i went to see on if and then when i moved to l.a i dated this girl and she took me to see her at the fucking coliseum the velvet rope and i was sitting right next to jimmy smiths right i never met him i never knew nothing i just sat there he was right next to me it was like third row a father this girl's father was the manager of the stones 20 years ago something weird so she got all the tickets i went down there i'll never forget i'm sitting in jimmy smiths

got up bro and he goes hey you guys need anything my fucking heart stopped damn my fucking heart stopped you guys still remember it i still fucking sure who does that fuck who does that what did you say did you have him get you something and let me get a beer yeah fuck you since you go i was broke how was this like post la familia because that's the movie that really this little amount this is 99 oh yeah 99 let me tell you something man about jimmy smiths and we've had this conversation as a matter of fact i was bored last week after narcos and i went back to season six of son's anarchy from the beginning just watch my man jimmy smiths just to do a throw so watch him play a mexican first of all let's get something straight about jimmy smiths

bro it's been around for 34 from one year oh yes he was in the pilot of miami vice he got blown up in the second scene he was tub's original fucking he was rocket's partner he was the cuban kid that got blown up in a coke deal first fucking episode then he has to go into the diner and tell his wife then he got replaced by tubs that's how it starts but that's night that's 31 fucking years ago and before that there was a spanish dude that did every piece of work there was he was the guy that played the spanish dude and sanford and son oh fuck uh what the fuck was his name he was the fucking f he was the spic but 30 years that guy played a spanish guy that got insulted by everybody my hulio hulio why put an episode of hulio in this motherfucker hulio was him for this one hulio

put sanford and son hulio something about porter i don't want no porter reekins in my house oh that that's like that's a old shit i think i was like five jimmy smiths i respect jimmy smiths has had la la whatever uh-huh then he had another sitcom he had nypd blue yeah he was on that motherfucker for a long time he was on dexter yeah then he came in as a mexican on fucking sons of anarchy season six the scene of pilot oh have you seen that season yeah no i haven't watched the show it opens up him fucking jemma oh yeah from behind fucking stitched up with gank colors on and shit shit he calls her a cracker bitch i mean it's yeah hulio and the sister watch this guy is see this is the hulio was oh wait this one of the one below hulio was on fucking tv the others

when the sister comes over he don't like porter reekins but the sister stays at the house with him this is a great fucking episode i don't know how to go senor sanford you will take me please now yes now please no i gotta finish this work and then i gotta do some things in the kitchen please and after that i gotta look in here and see what dear abby said about teenage petting she got a mustache okay then get your coat and get your hat leave your worries on the door very good yeah that's hulio's asking to come in oh yeah i gotta go to the prince of the school your mother and the mr sanford here why you call them i know how to go home we can't send you home without a parent that's just i see him

when he's young and shit what is she saying it's you i don't know who you think i am but not no one else can you stop the problem now what happened what did the kid do he simply refuses to go into the fourth grade he insists he's smarter than the fourth grade which i have no reason to doubt but well because of the language barrier he can't keep up with the fifth grade why he says senor sanford he said uh roberto eldomo i said the teacher is unable to teach him see the principal old says they'll teach you is the demo no i didn't listen if the teacher can't teach him then she put her back in the fourth grade that's not real mr sanford most of our

teachers don't speak spanish and the government won't provide funds to higher extra teachers who do it's unfortunate really because in the younger grades many of our children are spanish speaking but that's stupid he's a kid that speaks two languages smarter than the teacher and he can also sell a lamp well why doesn't the government provide funds for this i don't know i imagine they have other things they consider to be more important now what's more important and giving the kid a real good education this is what i want to say from the start what's going on about comedy dawg he was a bad motherfucker yeah he spit message dawg put on the episode with the japanese say sanford the son japanese real estate see what you get see what you get the shit you know speaking of old stuff

man i was watching warriors the other day well they did a reunion in new york or some shit yeah that's crazy which one home no no no yeah yeah home sweet home home sweet home all my fucking god home sweet home watch this fucking episode right here this is fucking craziness this is when they want the japanese people want to offer him money what the fuck is this shit put this fucking little book clip it over there skip it isn't the japanese want to buy his property and he goes to dinner at their house and shit oh no they make him put a robe on and shit and then they wanted to sell his property what's it said pain in the neck

people i just saw before it don't matter i don't want to make people say all right shit droge pares is here with plain sanford and sons and shit fuck it's having fun brother having fun no but it's uh it's really weird like how those spanish guys played on tv for a long fucking time until more it's like bob robert constanza robert constanza italian got it's been a thousand fucking things because for 30 years it was the only new york around here they used them for everything you know commercials i mean fucking guy works for a time got a beautiful fucking house yeah man i got the same problem with that guy noel he plays

the cholo and everything noel he was in uh bruce almighty fast and furious uh training day i haven't seen him lately yeah he's seen my audition yeah he's really hot yeah he's cool he's turned christian yeah he had a little gambling problem point i heard and now he's doing good he's doing his thing with the family so he's not acting anymore i think he is because uh he was in that one movie the purge the the last one that's the last one i've seen him in he's even in video games i'm trying to get that cholo nintendo if you need a cholo call me i'm vintage you know what i mean you've been banging it out here for a while george pares you're like the fucking uh you're out every night man yeah oh come on you know battles you do the roast battles yeah chief roast battle

would you just tell me you did you helped uh what's his name with the prison special oh yeah it was cool man jiffy ross hit me up and just you know just uh talk to him give him ideas and stuff he showed me what he was doing he was funny in that he was good i didn't see that one yeah it was fun yeah he was good he was his message was good yeah he's uh he's a dynamite guy yeah he's awesome dude and like i didn't even know he gave me a credit and he just goes hey look at the preview and i was like what the and my name was under christ rock that was the first time ever he always does stuff like that yeah he's taking pony henskoff under the wing a lot of writers he gives him a good chance he's a good fucking dude he comes up to the store he says things to you before you go on stage

and for a long time i didn't think i like like a long time i didn't think he liked me and then we started talking he loves his reefer you know he loves his mother fucking reefer and he loves writing good fucking jokes yeah you've had some great people around you man but yeah cool yeah brother you know i'm grinding you know i had to get out of that little latin world you know how that latin word keeps you there like the ghetto you know and i was like i know i'm gonna go explore adventure and i'm meeting other people and i love it man i love it one thing about the latin world which i gotta tell you i got a lot of comedy education oh yes from the comedy store i'm gonna tell you that right now we talk a lot about the comedy so your people probably your ears are bleeding

joey the comedy store again but the other credit to a lot of my stage savvy whatever the fuck it is in presence is those mexican oh yeah when i got to this town man i got sponsored the store but my bread and butter was rudy marino was the guys like fly jeff garcia you you know philippe and willie had went tuesday and wednesday somebody else had thursday you know on a thursday night you can make you know 200 bucks in 60s in 60s going to different rooms west kofi and the jeff had the safari club oh you had to walk up 22 fucking steps in the stages rattly a bunch of fucking drug people in there what about casa latina casa latina on tuesday you could do yeah you can do uh the ice house and then come over there that's right that's right i mean those are the days might do it was so weird

the transition because the transition stopped in 2008 and 2008 we lost 20 fucking rooms in the city i was like i go a lot of people lost rooms and see what happened in the way you know that whole stock market thing that crashed yeah but that it really affected and this is what happened i mean the there was a strike here in 2007 it really fucked in 2008 7th yeah it was like the screen act right right screen actors and it really fucked a lot of people up they wanted that dvd money or the download some shit right and i remember in those days lee let me tell you something and i got no reason why to know but i was getting $15 at the store i was acting a little bit but my bread and butter were those mexican rooms and residual checks fuck yeah because my wife at

the time my girlfriend didn't really know what i made at those rooms so she'd say to me where you go until i'm going to george pares's i was really going to george pares and somebody else like chino to pick up 80 bucks that was my cocaine gas and weed money so i'd still come home with the 50 from george pares's room but i'd still have the 80 dog i was going out three nights a week to those tuesday wednesday thursday come on brother you're making 150 a week in town if you hustle if you know how to fucking step on the gas and tell rudy i'll be there last i'll close it and you can balance it there's a leaker game this is your you know this room is fucking backed up i mean you could do it steven steakhouse commerce casino the fucking bicycle club we did all those fucking clubs

and i mean to drunk you know i was there the night that they threw a knife at darin caught it i wasn't there it was wild coyote no hey wild coyote too they threw a knife at darin caught then they threw a knife at him they jumped tommy chun where at wild coyote who did well do you know how tommy chun he was killing our stage and then he started talking to the cholo's girlfriends and they're like hey we don't we don't let no black guys talk to girls over here no no no no no no no so they jumped them but he turned into a silverback gorilla and just because tommy's from detroit and fly jump in too really yeah i wasn't there yeah i wasn't there that's what i heard they threw a knife where's all the hawaiians at what city is that by san diego no san diego's got those samoans

what's the ocean side they threw a knife at oh that's when what's his name rick martinez oh yeah that's the only ocean side they threw a knife moon doggies or something no that was in san diego this is motherfucking ocean side oh wow then they had that room that the mexican dude used to book off of san diego all the way that was a papi cholo or no Leonard no no and i'll tell you who else he used to have tons of comedy when i moved here the other living ahead was the other direction the other direction now they're opening up oxnard the improv yeah open up oxnard by december yes and that's gonna be awesome really be awesome because there's nothing up that way so for years lee wednesday night's was oxnard tuesday's was bakersfield i remember going i remember a time

when we would drive to bakersfield for two gigs like one comic had an eight o'clock and another comic had a ten o'clock and they'd say if you're there for the eight you might as well come cross town and do the ten o'clock and fucking bakersfield that's how much the black host up there up north i remember in a way what's the guy that books all up there by salia and that's papi cholo and the other Leonard martin Leonard martin Leonard used to use the black radio guy oh yeah really cool dude andre covington andre covington there you go i'm telling you lee there was so much fun you know and then i had orange county on lock remember i had rascals you know you would just come for the sandwich fucking rascals that's good sandwiches good sandwiches and let me tell you

something about rascals uh you know it's talking to lee that how you ever go do comedy somewhere and they pay you and the room is good but there's nothing else there yeah you leave there and you forget about the room and you go the second time and some people like hey i'm happy you're here but there's some rooms you go to and they give you 30 bucks but they treat you like you're fucking adam sandler and say what you want to say the guy at rascals the guy that used to be a salesman the big guy yeah dan he was always good to me oh he's awesome you understand me yeah you know it's like the the the dude down in orange county he don't book a lot of dudes but bro when you're broke he gives you a dinner and he goes come here you want a dinner to take home with you when you're a

comic and somebody gives you a cheeseburger to take home lee you remember that for the rest of your life dog when you're getting $50 a set in a strange town and the cook comes over and says come here bro i'm gonna throw this away you want these fucking hamburgers and these steak fries and you know like fuck yeah that dude what's the county magic club i don't know in orange county always feeds you and redondo beats down there he doesn't like me either i have never done i'm too dirty for his club oh it's a very white club older people but that's kind of like isn't it just good that he tells you that he's like hey man i was never mad at the guy i love the county magic club because of that he told me he goes just your comedy doesn't go over you i got 22 complaints i get it i'm not

mad at you yeah i was too raw for the room at that time this is like six years ago i was too raw for the fucking room he caters to his neighbors yeah he has his you know j leno goes there on sundays to work out yeah right but i mean you you have a lot of things to say about like we were talking before about the people who are in this industry and like you have a lot of people you always say people never say no to you they just don't answer the call so you there's a lot of people there's probably a lot of club right there's a lot of people won't give you an answer you send them a tape or you call them and go hey i got a recommendation from george present for some reason they just don't like joe did for some reason they don't like george but yeah i get that too

i get it and i don't get my face business it's a part of fucking business and you know what then you have two things to do you could take it like a man and understand you know i don't like hot dogs who catch up on right around you like that shit no i got just mustard i know but if i'm not around you will put ketchup on it and muster and rub your face like a fucking jamok i know you but you know i mean so every one's one man's chicken is another man's gumbo bro yeah i get it speaking of which i shot a special this week oh how would you do in vegas at the south point casino 24 years of coming nobody's ever giving me shit i wanted to back i said fuck it we let's shoot it ourselves wow how was the turnout the turnout was great i got to listen man uh as far as the people who listen

to this podcast and the people that we've helped them they've helped me i want to thank you i want to give you my heart you know people show the friday night with t-shirts on wow people show up saturday night yelling and screaming and it meant the world to me it made me you know work harder and let me you know this is something i never anticipated years ago i said something in the rogan podcast that these people on twitter and facebook are a bunch of fucking stiffs and boy that i have to eat my words yeah i've met you know the the guy who stole the weekend was lee obviously no and the fucking talking lamb two friends a guy that we met from here that's just a sweetheart he's captain of security he's our consultant he's the conciliatory of the family but as far as this little fucking

jew motherfucker i was thinking about what that dummy said to you that night that fucking idiot that was sitting there that lost all his clients that everybody fired him that fucking barry whatever his fucking name is that came in tried to be cute on your expense you know i'm saying i've bust your balls but i love you he was disrespectful that night he'll never come back i never want to see that fucking idiot i always thought he was a fucking idiot anyway but that night you were stoned you couldn't really say much and he's like leo never be a good manager that that that that oh wow knows more about the internet than any of these fucking managers legal walking to three yards and if they were lucky if they gave lee 75 000 like they know what do we do to get our clients on the

internet because anybody knows if you're on a tv show right now that shows when it comes to an end yes and you want to hold on to these people that's where the computer comes in because if not six years from now you'll be janet jackson you'll be you know you don't have a voice in this this internet is where you need a voice in right now tv shows you can do tv show for eight years nobody knows who to fuck you up tell a story about mugging a hooker and we're in the fucking cemetery and all some people start coming to fucking shows yeah so i've learned a great deal from this podcast but anybody who came out from this podcast and supported me friday saturday and sunday you know me man uh i thank you with all my heart but at the end of the day

lee stole the fucking weekend he really did i give credit for credit i was high like i break your balls i do a lot of shit because i love you and i gotta tell you you lifted you you went farther than what i thought you'd do you went fucking farther than beyond man so without you none of this would be possible so thank you very much you stole the fucking weekend and i'm a man no no way i don't i tell people how things are and i tell you both fucking ways george correct we only have one way to fucking do it you know yeah straight up hey good fucking shit lee take it i don't i mean i appreciate it's always nice to hear that but it's just everybody he came in all i wanted to talk with this fucking kid you know these fucking managers and agents

they think they walk on water and they don't know that part of it is fucking luck and the fucking idiots you know and part of the shit i have the people you see on comedy censoring fucking funny no i have the people you see on fucking tv never make you fucking laugh at your life and they're making millions of dollars but that's not the fucking point their luck is better than our fucking luck okay we make our luck happen that's a different you don't want i'm i'm never gonna be on netflix netflix don't like me well i'm not gonna give people a special fucking i'll give them a special five dollars a fucking piece fuck hey there's other openings we have good fucking times that's what this is about that's what the society is about right now you're

gonna lose your fucking job pretty soon you're gonna lose it to the jabs or the fuck you're gonna lose it to you better make your own way this is when your dream kicks into effect and you get your dream to pay the fucking bills that's a transition is getting your dreams to pay your fucking bills right up you know uh i'm almost there out of the park he really this kid really hit it out of the park and uh i could tell it came out good then so you're fucking excited it did come out good and he ran the whole fucking thing with john salami yeah john killed it john john isn't here but he he was really i like i've been out of tv production for a while but this past week was fucking fun like john just is great and it was just so much i see it like whenever i

worked in tv or i've been places with you i see how much extra stuff is put in and i i do ask quite like i i sometimes ask you stuff just to test the waters but i didn't really i don't know what i did i kind of i just like you do your thing and make sure the cameras were on it was just your behavior before that that even the flyers the 70 pens and the dollar store well fucking we were talking for two weeks we're gonna do a questionnaire i made up the questionnaire i emailed him i wanted to see how you were gonna act on this one this was gonna be a real test for you you know we've done the podcast we've done the documentary we've done two cds we've done now a special yeah i remember that cd you did at sal's comedy remember that old ass we never used that oh shit never it was

terrible you have but you had a lot of actors there that day oh we had the dude there and yeah but it was terrible i couldn't put that out the guy still calls me he's like i could save it though there's nothing to say there is nothing to say that was one of those calmly a nice dog where you think you got it you ever have that like you like i got this i got watch it and then you watch it terry i got enough shit i remember being up to that night just dying no way dying dying a slow fucking death hey but that's good man like 10 10 of 2010 that was five fucking years ago i was a complete different comedian yeah i was fresh out fresh i was just transitioning into storytelling a little more and trying to slow them down i was a complete i was at a place i had no fucking idea

so you've been out five years now yeah i've been out five years man and how about parole i'm done i've been off parole for two years how does it feel fucking feel white you know i mean privileged again now for how long were you in the system the first time the first time i ever got locked up i think i did like four months and then there was still pro how long the probation and yeah you do that year probation bullshit but then you get a quick job and then get you off and then the second time i did a county year eight months and after that they give you that little gang enhancement you know i'm saying you get the badge and uh yeah we shot a special yes called whatever the fuck it was yeah right payaso and then you got arrested how long after that once it is well i was i

already got arrested before that special i was fighting i got bailed down i was fighting my case when we did that special that's amazing yeah and then like i think it's eight months later i get locked up and then it comes out while i'm locked up that was a crazy shit that the guards were like hey i seen you on showtime last night and i was just like fuck i wonder if they're gonna send me money you know yeah that was insane man that was insane but it was good to see you up there i got to see you in a lot of shit nobody believed like i knew you like you don't know that guy but it was crazy because i didn't take that seriously that night all i want that was the night after thanksgiving yeah i basically shot that for coke money like they had i remember they had an after party i gave

my room key to maryland's husband and i did 90 all the way home to catch the coke guy i remember i remember we got there and me and edwin showed up and you were like you i should have called you guys they've had me here since seven this is some boat me and edwin i thought like at eight thirty and you were just like fuck this shit i want to get out of here i want to get out of here that was that was that was fun though hey we had fun we had a lot of fun we had fun we killed it that's that's still really popular like on netflix oh please when that thing went on like people were just staring at me they didn't know what i was saying spanish people don't really like that 30 type stuff now but you they gave it up they really don't they really fucking don't because they giggle

for a couple minutes and the catholicism comes out it's like the bible belt once you go to the bible belt you'll make them giggle for eight minutes but they're like what the fuck am i giggling about sex i can't be laughing at this i go to church every sunday then you do hey can you pull up to see what he's wearing though he's wearing an old school black sweater with some blue jeans and like some like i fucking still fight listen listen dog that's all that fit in those days in those days i used to rotate three pair pants two sweatshirts and two brass sneakers and all the big daddy clothing where i could fucking find wow i i spent every dime in those days on blow those last couple years i lived off big daddy clothing where four or five pair of jeans i go to miami and go to what's

that old navy old navy old navy had 1995 fucking pants for me the fat man pants they had the last size i would buy old navy pants and not wear a belt or buckle them and just put the zipper all the way up because i could save a ton of fucking money you have no fucking idea i went i went to that night thinking this was not going to get picked up god bless i know i'm toya god bless god montoya because i fucked up i let him down and i've always thought about that how look at those pants you killed though you killed i didn't fucking kill yeah you did yeah you did that was fucking embarrassing yeah you know what's crazy is everybody from that group did something but me because i got locked up i didn't do shit after that yeah you did what i do after

that and do nothing i wonder we shoot that 2001 2004 no 2006 really a 2006 2006 malin died in 2007 yeah wow it came out in 2007 but we did so we shot in 2006 yeah some ghetto ass theater in seven years fucking years ago yeah oh my god i was out of control that was the point i was out of control he'd call me up hey your uncle joey needs some red money let me know when the rooms are open yeah back then his message on his voicemail was like don't don't don't you even dare if you ain't got money in the envelope or a jew or you're my lawyer don't leave a fucking message i would torment people left a fucking message i was in such bad fucking shape you would not believe me i think back to that night like i didn't want to be there i didn't know what i

was gonna say as soon as you said 2000 i was like i'm breathing all right i'll tell you and i show time wine bottle yeah let's show time wine bottle at least they took care of us it was a nice little shoot yeah we had a little room a little cute room was a great theater really good you know you learn from all those things i still remember shooting k-loco no the one before that the local comedy jam i was on there with you no before that the one that pat buckles did for jeff altes and i wanted me to work clean on ctv i did two of those one with arie at the studios in glendale wow remember that one yeah i do remember that studios in glendale the host was like willie carlo sosker it was uh yes for god what that was and then we shot k-locos i shot one of those

they hated me i did terrible that night no way oh that was the spanish night at the at the ice house i used to avoid it like the plague that avoid it like the plague even if i i only take the 40 bucks if i god damn it i would go up there ready to bomb the same thing with monday nights at the laugh fire that was a 25 dollar check in those days wow the following monday so gilbert put me up every fucking monday god bless his fucking soul even though james was other than like me yeah every fucking monday that cocksucker put me up i used to get you up uh at my uh the patio remember el patio wednesday on wednesday that shit would crack hot women lee hot women i was young i was crazy back then i was like a i didn't i was like a cholo but i was like a baggy clothes cholo back then i was

active and then well your buddy or any g had the room in universal city on monday's that was a good room yeah the conga room the conga room that was a good room i did a lot of good jokes in there i really did every monday night ernie got a lot of problems but he always gave me the small 20 of a large 25 you know he'd always save me i remember going there one night dog with no fucking dough no dough no dough and getting 20 from i was leaving the next day to do the longest yard and jeff gave me 45 bucks i went to jeff garcia like a man like oh jeff i'm going to new mexico i don't have no dough jeff goes i'll give you what's in my pocket like 46 bucks damn you know i went and bought a 20 and i kept 26 of it and i took the 25 from ernie g and i bought weed it was fucking

terrible jeff valdez jeff garcia gave me the money to take to new mexico the next day the 20 dollars i had was jeff garcia how's that for you on a monday night at the fucking whatever that was up there which was great the conga room they had little snacks for us yeah remember a lot of places had snacks for you in those days and yeah it was like a little like weird old guy that ran it remember his buddy back then that guy who ran what the fuck guy again you're spilling shit it didn't spill what happened some little weird guy used to run that club i don't remember i have oh fuck that's i was such a rookie back then you know we were talking about texas last week and how much how much i cut my comedy teeth in texas i really did texas was el paso texas had so many

fuck so much comedy in those days pain rooms pains i would go to texas and stay for four fucking weeks just traveling through texas a bunch of little rooms i go to conro i go to fucking midland i did every other the fucking water above victoria i did every little town in texas and they would fucking hate me but they feed me afterward the comedy fucking journey it really is a weird journey how many sets do you think you've done you figure for 10 years 10 to 12 years i did 300 plus a year i've been doing this for 24 you know my work ethic right now if i go on the road i do five a week plus the one at the comedy store that's six if i go on the road twice in a month that's 12 if i stay in i do three a week plus one at the last factory so that's eight and 12 is

20 a month even now i'm still doing 250 you gotta do 250 to maintain if you're a fucking real comic listen i know what it's like to do comedy six times a month and call yourself a comic i know this like to do comedy 10 times a month i know this like to do comedy 20 times a month when you do fucking comedy 20 20 times a month you got a lot of ups and downs but you're getting on stage on working out you think you've done it like 5 000 times maybe fuck yeah you figure 300 times 20 what's 300 times 20 let's figure it the fuck out because there were years i did 363 when i first got to la the first three years i was at 6 000 i was averaging 350 334 damn because i was at the store five nights a week plus the two at willies plus the one over here yeah you're doing rudies room i

was doing 10 97 fucking sets a week hosting at the store it's a complete difference for a year i did you get to once a week then i started picking it up twice a week and i could see a little bit of improvement now there's some weeks i hit three times a week and that's a good fucking week man yeah you sit there going wow i'm moving better you know i can't wait to get up to six times a week that's like comedy you know you do it every day you want to do it when you have a passion like that you do it just the way you do breathing you know i don't i don't understand a comic that does not get on stage yeah i go up about five times a week you know me i used to have five rooms but you used to go up 12 times a fucking week oh yeah i used to when there were 12 sets available if they're available

if i don't do a podcast i'm out if i didn't do this on a monday night i'd be picking up two sets plus two more sets on wednesday that's four plus the tuesday at the store is five thursday at the store is five friday i take off and six a week that's 24 a fucking month that's how to and that's the only way to fucking do it when i lived in denver i did 16 sets a month and i had to work like a dog that's karaoke when i went to seattle i kicked it up to 30 a month and i could feel the improvement the improvement just you know and then you go on a triple run for six weeks where you start a joke on a tuesday and by saturday you got a bit if you're working yeah if you're working if you're in your car with your notebook making notes and smoking dope that's what the

triple runs are for nobody's going to see you you're in missoula montana who's going to see you at the cbs you could say whatever the fuck you want out of your mouth there's some clubs at the morning so you got to be careful tell you on the way in but that's what a comedian does you get on fucking stage fuck yeah i wrote everything i don't know that's nothing this motherfucker that he got up on stage and blew it up probably saturday saturday before the special and sunday that's what's up how much time did you do five fucking minutes and that's awesome he wiggled he took an edible on stage oh shit you know and that's what a lot of i think that's a mistake of a lot of people who come to town you know a young comic you

got to be at the store on monday that's a young guy trying to hustle hello goodbye i'll tell you what before you hit the store you hit a fucking coffee shop or you hit an open mic somewhere that just to get the set out of the way just to get the number out of the way i'm here before i'm going to the store right now you go mingle now you go mingle you have a drink you don't have a drink do you get on stage these comics that have a drink and mingle i don't do nothing even in those days when i was themed it out i don't do nothing until i get on stage once you get on stage then you talk and you fucking laugh and you giggle until you get on stage there ain't nothing to fucking giggle about you know when i was a young comic i get up at seven in the morning listen when

i was a thief when i was a thief i get up at seven in the morning i go you know what i got four dollars for breakfast but i got to figure out what my next score is for the day when you become a comic and you open your eyes beside your first start of the day which is i'm alive i can't believe it i did coke last night is where am i doing comedy tonight that's it while you're pissing while you're pissing you're like it's tuesday who do i got a call you're already planning your fucking your comedy day hell yeah you're already planning your fucking comedy day at seven in the morning you're already thinking to yourself okay it's tuesday i'm gonna go here tonight i'm gonna go there tonight i don't have nothing to do i don't know i need a ride you know i mean it's

summer going over there who's picking me up who on my driving up there with it's fucking amazing yeah that's why i get blown away at people who don't do much and then they like nothing's happening well because you don't do this mother fuck call somebody we philippe you there was a handful of us that were out five nights ago edwin jeff edwin jeff goes out still i know i see him he's gonna be at second base tomorrow he doesn't give up yeah he loves it he loves it every night he'll do the second base to the ha ha yeah this is a guy that's been doing comedy 20 fucking years ladies and gentlemen he is a driver now why you can't drive no it's just that he's like he's gonna get fucked up so he has his assistant drive him to all the clubs and like hey we can we're gonna get fucked up but

you can't hilarious and she's pretty it's that one girl that always hangs around in semanta or yeah semanta is that his assistant this is his and it's no it's his babysitter and his assistant okay not he he multitasker and it's it's crazy because like they're there and they're all partying but it's cool jeff i love that dude he's in he's he don't care he's he's working he don't care he's working god bless him yeah frasier smith yeah is out every night with that sewer fucking bang he does a radio show sundays at 11 you know this is a guy that's been doing it for 30 years because this is second hand to you you know you know i went to vegas this weekend and i worked that hard always so friday i took the day off saturday i was doing this special i go you know

what i'm not gonna work out the biggest fucking mistake i made on saturday yeah because that energy you didn't get that energy i didn't get that energy and then sunday i said fuck it but i'm gonna go fuck him work out you know and it's so weird that when you don't work like i was confused after i ate lunch sunday something wasn't right yeah what'd you eat nothing i had a salad oh but i went to my room and something wasn't right i go i know what this is i took a baby ass and i wrapped my wrist and i went right to that fucking gym and when i left there i was like how would how'd i do sunday night it was good it was different i went fucking better and they're fuck yeah you know because it becomes second nature working out does i don't it's how you look at things fuck yeah it's how it's

always how you look at things you can look at things is worth or you can look at things like i'm gonna go fucking have fun i fucking hate getting on a plane when i gotta go do comedy i always talk to myself i try to talk myself out of it and shit but then i realized it's gonna fucking be fun i'm gonna go to a hotel i'm gonna eat something good from the area i'm gonna work out i'm gonna smoke pot i'm gonna get to see some people from twitter yeah i'm gonna crack some jokes try a few new jokes in the worst-case scenario i bring a check home who fucking lives like that who gets to crack joke and mingle and fucking bring a check home but plus you didn't do poorly on saturday you killed it saturday but the energy was completely different than sunday so but sunday one i don't think would

have been a couple people walked out i got an email dog yeah guy hit me up play he's like listen man i went to see you from recommendation me my wife and ten other women walked out and she said he goes cosby work clean why can't you and i said first of all i'm happy that you and those fucking hags left as a matter of fact cosby's a rapist you fucking idiot and next time have your wife send me the email and go put a tampon on something crazy because it's true who writes an email like that and one day fucking going to somebody me and my wife left fuck you and your cunt wife you should let her go and you stay you could have had a good time but you ain't got no fucking balls you got up and left for that you wanted to hear a good pussy joke and take your wife upstairs and fuck her in

the ass that's exactly what you need somebody to suck that fucking twat dry and squeeze the fucking christian juice out of that fucking pussy and that's the end of that fucking i didn't like him because he was dirty that's what the problem with those women that's nobody's taking them and tackle them shoulder down and rip those fucking panties off fucking get that motherfucker and then put your mouth on that thing suck that fucking motherfucker you're choking you're spitting back in it you're sucking your own spit they hear all that shit they're like this motherfucker this motherfucker is running shit where's tony benekak suckers hell yeah man the girls i'm with they call me prison dick fuck yeah you know what i mean get that burpee action going

my house laying fucking attitude and shit i want to be around it's monday kaksak it breaks your heart fucking old bitches to this year wow are you fucking kidding me lila root in the fucking house in my ladies and gentlemen keep it up keep it up we're gonna rock you who will leave you to learn that mystery loves company wait and see

fucking beautiful another fucking star this weekend was my girl liz fucking photographer extort near came out on she was dynamite she was trying to pervert lee poor lee was hiding in his room and she was scared to be alone with it oh yeah fucking lee lee had a little crush on she's cute as fuck we had a little crush on she was telling lee dirty things this had almost a lot of the shit she was spitting game at your lean you didn't do no she has a boyfriend oh okay she's cute as fuck i want to thank that too for that's what's up taking fucking pictures it was a nice time had a nice time with her i just don't i still don't like working sunday stuff why i fucking hate it i

fucking hate flying monday oh yeah i know why too because you told me you always like to be home monday to start the week off and start the week off in your own fucking bed what are you making notes for i got a good idea what happened no well what if we released because we we recorded sunday too but they didn't we we think the everyone has the day off so we didn't have the lights what we could release that one as like a i still don't like working sundays so like the lighting doesn't even look that good and it's like a kind of a weird people walking out go back to your fucking coma look at the shape of your fuck i love it how many nights is this in a row you've been going straight since friday i have no idea on wednesday yeah but you were off

thursday thursday you went to vegas you fucking mucked around you lost money even one money gambled this fucking jew this weekend oh yeah you're the two team paula and football he didn't fuck around oh shit he had dallas with romo breaking when you fucking take dallas and romo breaks his fucking collarbone and he's still covering your bad mother fuck straight up that's rasha shawna you know what i'm saying yeah that's good but man you you what about you i didn't do dick i didn't gamble he just kicked it or what not gambling was the special the special was fucking tremendous with you guys had it and joey fulato came my buddy from jersey and it's funny dawg he's got a he had a cousin that died got arrested so he's my brother i loved him with all

my heart he was a 24 hour fucking criminal bro but this guy was my biggest comedy supporter okay and here i am 15 years later with his fucking cousin there with me me i was at one point i was like what it's just like a spirit here the fucking guy fuck and he was there he was fucking dead there it was a great time man what about edwin you see edwin i didn't see edwin alone last time i saw i went in that casino he sparked a fucking joint i almost choked him bro i sparked a joint in the fucking casino why you're embarrassing me this is why i do comedy yeah yeah you know i didn't see anybody i didn't fucking even go to they do like a comics reunion i didn't go to the midnight listen man i got up at four in the fucking morning to go to

san to go to las vegas friday morning i did a show i fucking did interviews i made calls i tried to write then we shot like a pseudo fucking specialist to run through when i got out of there what'd we do we went in eight yeah and we went back to the room i went to fucking sleep jack you know i'm tired yeah you know i can't fucking stay out no more and drink i have two drinks i got heartburn you're fucking heartburn man you know how bad i want to margarita but i'm really heartburn because these motherfuckers put that sweet and sour bubble fucking drinking that i want the real shit i want a quantro hell with some fucking top shelf mother fucking tequila and some homemade fucking lime juice and hell yeah where you squeeze the fucking limes that's the

margaritas i'm used to drinking these fucking harvey homos they put fucking that sweet and sour that shit will give me ass indigestion for 12 fucking years not even get fucking ass indigestion i don't i don't suffer from fucking india but every time i have a margarita with that shit in my this guy said he had a what'd you have that was a long island that was all that was lemonade dog i used to eat quail roots and drink long islands when i was like 17 at generos and hope about why i used to get fucked up dog a good long island four light alcohol some sweet and sour you get fucked up you top that motherfucker with some good shit you shake that nigga up stop it stop it with some fucking gorilla biscuits you get fucked up jack damn i would love to be able

to drink a good fucking what is that a long island it's everything it's it's a four light alcohols yeah a little bit of coke and fucking sweet and sour who the fuck you think you're dealing with some fucking novice but that's what i'm saying it's like it's like what is it four six shots all in one it's a big drink it's a big fucking drink four shot but it could taste like asshole or it could taste delicious there's some people that make a fucking long island that you don't even taste it going down like i was i was drinking makers and cokes all night and i was i got sober when i had had a long island like there was no alcohol in it it was pretty crazy i remember when i was 17 we used to sniff paint that was the old school that was the

cholo shit back then you'd get that dutch boy gold put it in the brown bag how fucked up this it's like about like smoking five blondes all that now why do you get pimples on your neck because sticky charlie this kid when i was a guy whenever we used to make him smoke paint oh yeah he would snort like rust rustolium yeah he would snort rustolium dog and he would get after like a week he would get zits on probably because he's scratching himself something like boils they were like blisters and plus like when people touch dope it's in your hands and it goes in your pores that's why a lot of tweakers they scratch your heads and they get these big old scabs i used to get that yeah i'm my head on my face my legs i just feel fucking splinters in my face

i'd be picking that motherfucker the four in the morning with the coke yeah fucking squeezing shit and guts out of my face like an animal that's why i'm all fucking scarred up i can't believe you snorted paint i thought about it why i thought i ate fucking cat food at a party one night and smoked the cigarette that type of shit you know what i'm saying i don't know they say you get fucked up you eat those cat food out of a bag and you smoke some fucking cigarettes and something in it get fucked she up i was like fucking twelve what the fuck did i know you know what i'm saying dude the crazy shit i did recently is i didn't know but this guy cut coke with aterol and fuck is it crazy it's like the i don't know it's like i don't know it'd be like smoking speed

and then someone snuck in like a big old rock hit so it was like you're up but then you were like panicking you know what i mean you were like tweaking and then like but you were in panic mode and it was just like what the fuck no no no that doesn't sound good i know that's what fucked it up but then like it would fade away it was weird it was fucking weird i remember i stayed until like six in the morning george i wish that i'm not proud of this but i wish that everybody got to taste cocaine in 1980 oh and what would it would do to you i thought i heard i heard it was what they did to the cocaine to get more out of it and what the chemicals they put in i hear that there's some coke going around that eats your skin yeah with this thing that was up in the northeast

oh my god you know i was doing coke towards the end that was fucking half speed i was doing coke that you know yeah you know why would i be sweating and fucking join and drink at six in the morning no in 1980 when you did a blast like first time i did coke i don't want to know but i didn't get fucking high at all i didn't know what the fuck people were talking about i thought people playing the trick on me like everybody's like this shit is tremendous i'm like here you go white people faking firstly we're laughing aside and live that shit ain't funny and now you're telling me this shit gets you hot and you feel like you're floating once i had a drink with it yeah that's where it gets you that's when it's fucking zoom me my jaw that i still remember and i talked to my

the cousin that didn't call me back i got very hurt and one day out of the blue i got a call on the 7 he goes dog i don't check my facebook my girlfriend found my old facebook and found the message and we were talking you know we've been getting cozy and cozy and i asked him like remember the time you picked me up in the airport you took me to the trailer and there was an old man that was like fucking 16 he was fucking a 16 year old chick and he had a stroller tough and he was doing coke with a robot it was fucking tremendous to see and i asked him did he want to do a bump he's like no no no i've been bumping myself all afternoon he's cuban and shit i remember he gave me some coke dog that all our eyes were ready wow like i never forget sitting in the car i'd just gone off the

airport nobody smoked pot and we did two little bumps and we drove we had to pull over that's how high you used to get you couldn't see your your your vision played with you yeah like your vision played with you and the taste going down your throat when you go yeah that's a wrap throat would i mean lee cocaine from 80 to 85 in this country was amazing and then what happened they couldn't snuck they couldn't sneak ether into columbia so they started cutting it with turpentine and gasoline and that's where crack came in that's why people go i can't snort this shit so i don't know i bought nine ounces from danny b one time they called it capis this coke was electric you got fucked up on a little taste but you can only you can only do four bumps the smelling

your nose was horrific dog you i would cut it and people were bringing it back it was fucking horrendous you take that coke you rock that shit up with some paint and you you sell ten dollar rocks all day people don't give a fuck that because it burns that shit out when you smoke it so that's where the flavor went that's and they even explained that to you on narcos that the hardest part the only thing they don't tell you on narcos is how they were processing coke in cuba they figured out how to get ether into cuba 90 miles away so it was a lot easier process to cope so now that coke that tasted good went up and the coke that tasted shitty was down so when you went to buy coke from a real deal you go i got two options for you yeah i got this

shit for 110 i got this shit for 90 and the shit for 90 was sensational it just had a weird taste to it had like gasoline taste or a turpent or it's not like feet cheese so people had cheese coke for a while it was unbearable so but that was my question the good coke still exists it's just more expensive yeah it still exists if you get it from like people that get it from like mexico but if you're getting it from another race it's it's like i think mexicans are cutting that with something they're making they're doing something they're making amphetamine in mexico i was in texas last time i was on mcallin forget about it over there oh fuck over there like weed was the hardest thing to find coke was like everybody had everybody has there was like eight

feet in the stall you ever go buy a stall and you see eight feet it was like oh yeah i i took boy the challenge of brutal yeah i took butch eskibar with me he only ate twice in how many days four remember i told you we stayed at that guy's house and he had the jesus foot with the nail in it he's still booked in the room yeah but you don't stay at the house no more where do you stay you stay at this ghetto hotel i'm still not going down no no i was scared that i was fucking a cop back then when i went it was it was crazy it was crazy i'll tell you later a cop down there yeah from west leco you still talk to her no i started dating someone so i i stopped but you know i was only down there twice it's it's it's that that's when you do brawley no you don't do

brawley you do uh mcallon west leco and you do lehoya and lehoya is like 30 miles from the border i would even say 30 i would say like three three miles from the border and there's no security guards it's all like border patrol like at the bars and it was weird it was the first time i didn't care if i didn't get paid i remember i performed and i got off stage and i was like i need to get out here dude like i need to get out here me joey me because i can tell everybody looked at me they're like hey homie you ain't from around here the mexicans over here don't don't don't have nikes you know what i mean it was weird i was like they gave me my money though and they were like hey let's go and then it was it was it was crazy no there's some places i've been to that you're like you know

what i won't be coming back you know because i know these motherfuckers are gonna be ready for me straight up they're gonna know figure out i'm at a hotel and they're getting paid with cash and it's fucking crazy league it's crazy you really you know you can see the hunger in their face one time i had a problem one time up north the football coach that used to book friday nights the one time me with regrow and felipe went i thought i bought coke but i bought map i did it anyway i got fucked up in that room i was chewing those cigarettes i was lighting them and then you could see them going like put them on i had to do there was so much smoke in the room felipe was like bro you have to open up the door that's how much smoke there was in the fucking rock i had three packs of camel

lights i was smoking one after the other on that fucking fuck yeah that's what that speed does to you man oh my god i remember we used to smoke it out of like a water bong my friend would put root beer and we put ice cream in it and when speed tastes good you don't know how much you're smoking that was some fucking insane shit we still cars back then you would make root beer float and how do you snort the speed up no you don't use burn it it's like a bong because you have a you have it in a glass stem that has a hole and then you have another stem that's going into the water and the ice cream of the bong so the smoke is hitting that and then you're sucking it out it tastes like a root beer hell yeah root beer eating fucking meth like a mother

i'm never smoked man oh my let's go smoke some meth in that league i'm upset man okay that was back then though i didn't know you know what i mean remember when you didn't know what you're doing was bad you're like hey man what else did it you know what i mean like hey i want to finish my homework in one day and fuck it let's go it was crazy back there was something about speed that i did it if it was around but it wasn't my first choice yeah exactly i sold black beauties in high school i was telling lee and then an 80 and 80 when i was in high school one that i went to a strip club and some bikers were there some guy asked me if i'm gonna buy speed and i bought some crank whatever they called that crank that's exactly it was it was uh it wasn't a powder

it was like little chunks there was like that peanut butter brown but i bought it no this is white this is all white in jersey this is 1980 and i bought a glam for like 80 bucks and then we did it we got fucked up but it wasn't my calling and i didn't do it again so i had a hole i went to the boys they had a whole funny bone that was opening up for christopher titus oh wow the waitresses were real cool it's a hippie town at the time and the waitress took me to this bar to drink pictures and i'm like man i go for a bump and she's like i can't get you blown but i got tons and they used to put you in this historic hotel that was like there from the 1800s when i went up to that fucking room that room started creaking those floors started creaking i was up for three fucking days on two little

lines of crank and you know why watch on television that night without knowing joe rogan was on the dirty dozen on showtime oh hosted by doma rara in 1998 that was a series they did 12 episodes the dirty dozen just three comics a show and i remember seeing joe rogan on there and going i don't know what that fucking guy is with a hat on and shit what the fuck i was on speed that night the show came out of 11 i remember i was thinking how can i get on that show i've been doing comedy maybe 10 no i've been doing it was before la it was way before late 96 summer in 96 yes yes because we were all going to the boys the funny bone from seattle that's when wean josh wolf robbed that restaurant that's the alibi he had that he was at the boys either chick like them the chick was a

little hippy chick that thought she was a comedy guru that bitch is long gone from comedy and she used to book that room that was a fun little fucking room boys the boys the funny bone was a great little five or six days but i did fucking heavy duty speed up that was fucked up then i went to west virginia on a creative run one night i asked these good old boys where i could get some shit and they're like i take a ride with us i drove an hour into the weeds dog into a fucking trailer like uh breaking bad i didn't know nothing about nothing i gave the guy 40 bucks he came out with a bag of that shit how good is this coke he goes it's coke you don't sell coke around here that shit is crank i did it i didn't give a fuck jack and that shit burns your nose crank is it's vicious

vicious lisa at vicious and you know what i know and then when i got locked up oh she got it in there when i got locked up there was a white dude clark either john clark or mike clark john clark solid white dude tatted up six foot one everybody knew this motherfucker was out of his mind but he was solid dog and on sundays he'd go in and swap spit with his girlfriend and she'd leave the balloon in his mouth yeah and he'd come get me and i'd stay up all night sat saturday and all night sunday visitation and then all day monday but monday night was basketball in the gym across the street so i try to play basketball on the speed that's a complete different dimension oh fuck your heart can't your heart can't fucking handle that shit that's why when people go along instead of playing

on cocaine i'm always like i don't think yeah if you've ever done blow yeah not every quarter no you can't be fucking shooting and shit no i couldn't imagine doing a line of coke and trying to shoot 20 footer and shit straight up or like trying to tackle the quarterback like he's playing with the best of the best laurence taylor he was taking some hits but not all game you think so yeah he had to he had to i remember in high school i smoked speed like before a game once just because it was just like but i oh yeah you know it's crazy when i was a kid i'm on the rudy used to tell me bro wait till you play basketball and you smoke a joint when you go to do a layer you just keep going and the ball rolls off your fingers i'm like oh my god how can you play basketball smoking weed

first time i fucking did it i fell in love with anything smoking weed like that type of shit where you could think and react different and see what the fuck is crackle lacking what's up lisa yet how you feeling would you eat for dinner tonight coca liquor i haven't had dinner yet because i slept all day you slept and i went to the gym you slept all fucking day well we had a fucking early flight but you didn't i slept good this weekend though i i was i was gonna tell you something about sleep bro let me tell you something about sleep i fucked my sleep up half of this stomach it's not sleep if you don't sleep bro your body don't burn yeah it doesn't do it i didn't know i didn't know this at a young age i thought that fuck these cunts that sleep eight hours they're

fucking pussy's they're missing life you gotta get your eighth to seven every night yeah you gotta charge the battery you know i remember last year i was getting a lot of weight and i remember i looked you know that's when we were doing the church at fucking six and then i would get up at five to fly out thursday and then get up at friday for radio wow east coast which is three in the morning and then you're getting up at fucking sunday to fly the fuck back no i had to cut it out it was too i couldn't figure out why i was putting weight i was weight watches i lost 130 pounds on weight watches now i'm on weight watches game fucking weight i'm like you know why you don't fucking sleep you gotta fucking sleep i'll tell you man last night i went to the hotel room i went over my

sides and something was coming on that i ran on the watch and i remember i said click i turned that motherfucker off and you know what i used to say if i'm not in bed in 10 minutes i'll put it back on you can't do that now you gotta fucking commit to fucking sleep and you know what you fall asleep you eat three stars you smoke a joint you're fucking fall asleep unless you're retarded yeah unless it just jumps you up for 10 minutes i go home i smoke a tea and drink a cup of coffee i go what goes up must come down nice and fucking dead but that's big man that's what that's why i'm doing better on the road you look better you look rested yeah no bro i'm sure i'm the type of motherfucker that could go six nights on four hours and think it's cheap and that shit don't

you could do all the lifting you could drink all the water you could do whatever the fuck you want you ain't gonna be fucking healthy so now what i do is when i'm on the road i let myself stay up late you know what i'm not gonna fight i just did a show what do you want to do right i gotta know where they go tomorrow i go to bed at three dog i wake up at six thirty i put a little cup of coffee on i do a little riding i smoke a fucking joint i get two eggs with a piece of wheat toast and three slices of bacon a fruit cup i put on whatever the fuck is on my favorite show is gangland if it's friday and i do that shit i got no radio i throw gangland on if you're on the east coast gangland goes to three or four in the afternoon i'm learning about everybody the m13's i know knowledge on all

the fucking gangs and then i go back to sleep till about 12 or one and dog three and four or seven i'm good four solid after a joint and breakfast two eggs put my shit right to fucking sleep yeah and i did that all three days in vegas so i knew monday morning i had to go right to an audition i could not stay out fucking friday night i didn't want to eat late because i didn't want that shit in my stomach when i'm sleeping that's another thing you go to bed at 12 and you eat a fucking sandwich you're not gonna fall asleep your stomach is digesting you're gonna have nightmares that you're in a deli getting fucked in the end you're being like a pepperoni sandwich late night that spicy shit next thing you're in a deli and the sopranos are fucking you up the ass you're like

what i had those type of dreams because you're fucking whole bodies to try to fucking digest the food i used to love to eat late night bro i'm a fucking believer right after comedy good fucking steak before you go to bed you sleep like a baby no you don't your body's up all fucking night you sleep you go into the third decibel you're supposed to hit six you're on three do you look a one steak sauce it was all over the east coast and i haven't had it for years and now i'm just remembering how disgusting it is i've put a one steak sauce on they used to be a place in new york city called tad steak house they got one in san francisco can't the city never heard of it let me tell you something 30 years ago though you go into a tad steak house for 695 they give you a

t-bone a baked potato a salad a thing of jello and a soda it wasn't a bad steak it wasn't you know was that a lot of money back then six bucks was like 15 now 20 now okay so i go in there and i tell the guy oh let me get a steak and i look at them i make because they cook the thing was they cook the steak in front of you but it was cafeteria stuff oh so i would tell the guy i put a fin on the guy dog you know man money talks and bullshit walks i make eye contact with the guy and right over the counter right there without nobody's seen i give him a fin he'd open up the tray in front of me and i go pick the best one in that motherfucking i see him looking around for the thick ones the ones they had hit and they throw one of those things on for joey medium fucking well he carried down

the fucking line you pick up your toss salad with rent in those days i used to use french dressing when i was a kid i love french dress yeah what color is that puke yeah it's like that orange fucking puke with chunks in it french and russian that was my shit when i was a kid with some lettuce and some tomatoes and some raw onions some salt and pepper you mix that shit up good that orange shit fucking delicious and you guys jello with cube and you put some whipped cream on that motherfucking wow that's such an old school meal oh my god i love jello that's the white man in me oh jello with whipped cream all day oh shit when i was in prison they give jello i give you my milk i'll give you my milk for jello dog give me milk and there was like a good

portion they gave you the jello yeah it costs two fucking it costs minus two cents the fucking ten cents you can make a tray of fucking jello give me another cent you can eat jello for a year for a dollar fifty get another can of whipped cream who's better than you i fuck around with my jello in the old days they used to have a jello mix that you would make and you had to get a glass and then tip it in the refrigerator nobody remembers this shit nobody remember you remember at least i had to be like hot or something chubby kids did that shit you had to like boil it or something and put it in and put it in and the bottom would get dark the middle and then we'll get light and you took one that shit put whipped cream on it good googly moogly good googly moogly

thank you have you ever had an icebox cake no what is the icebox oh it's so good my friends Filipino she makes them for a living part time the one the one my mom makes is just like the in like instead of like the instant jello it's the instant pudding and you make datans like layers of that and graham crackers and then you put it in the freezer until it freezes and then just that and whipped cream good googly that's amazing wow that's enough to fuck the motherfucker for three days wouldn't you grow up george i grew up in orange county orange and you played high school football all yeah i played basketball football and fucked around like motherfucker you had all the recipes to be a regular kid didn't you yeah you know i yeah it was just everybody that i grew up with was like

yo man there's there's another game over there so we're just gonna make our own game and it wasn't even like race it was everybody that lived on that side of town didn't matter mexican hell no we're mexican filipino white it was indian yeah it was it was it was fun but like we weren't the kind of people that were like hey dog like if you got a family you got to go we're still friends you know we were just like uh they should do a gangland about you like the next hand i'll never get on that shit and talk now gangland that's for like people that want to be like i don't i don't even know those guys are real i don't think so either i look out sometimes i'm like hey homie you ain't no dude yeah we were selling killers don't why you fucking tell them this story exactly like what the fuck

that you get to say it and play it that's crazy i saw some ounces i was a loser deal i didn't make a fucking dime i snorted every fucking dime i ever made yeah i was a loser fucking code deal that made money for a while and i'd turn around i'd make a little money and slot that motherfucker down you know the black crew from atlanta did you ever see that one no whatever brothers that had the party they made rap videos and they paid somebody a half a million to do a rap video yeah those guys like 20 of them they all from maserati's and they came the twins the two brothers one brother that they found them in miami and the other brother had 92 cars they designed the cars with the compartment system so you could travel all around some of

those ganglands are fucking interesting yeah yeah i think the black ones are real i really i think the black ones are real i think like i always watch those and i always ask myself why didn't i ever get involved with those people like when i grew up there was no gang you know there was a biker gang that when i was really young a freshman eighth grade i go up down i'd walk past their house and didn't bite me in and they'd give me a beer i don't know who the fuck they were but gang is this kid now where i live there's latin kings yeah now where i live i hear that there's latin kings i'll come off from new york and they're in union city and i saw something about union city the you watch those shows and see it i love those prison shows yeah i've seen all of them i can't

watch them anymore i've seen all no there's a new one with guards yeah the rookie guards and training the rookie it's the rookie that's just funny they found the syringe the other night and i was gonna watch the second one that's the show i was gonna turn it off i like those shows so much i found there was a show on netflix a while ago about the cops at mall america it's like a 12 episode one season show i watched all of it and they're investigating like sweat shirts and crazy weird shit but just like those shows are so fun to watch but this is so scary it's just weird i'm surprised you guys watch them i watch them because like i lived it and i want to see how accurate it is at the end of the day i give it like my overall rating i'll be like oh shit like that really did

happen so yeah i'm like a judge is that you're reading like you're like this one yeah like hey damn dawg i remember something like that happened when i was there so yeah it's pretty weird for me i watch it and i think about the situation i got myself at how bad it really could have been i see those guys yeah 30 years my first plea bargain was 12 years and kidnapping one damn he was a black attorney sunny flowers in fact somebody just hit me up and he kind of like was part of them you know he was the black guy that i ain't no one my name is so the first deal he came at me with was 12 years and he came at me with kidnapping two and nine years but a violent crime you do nine years yeah from the pro board man so think about though my life would

have been completely fucking different completely different just a couple years just a couple years six months that day that some guy said something i hit him with a shiv and now you pick up another three now you got a jacket that now you go somewhere higher and you stab some you know a thousand that's when i watch those shows i get entertained but at the same time my mind's drifting because i'm thinking what if that's me though that's me i watched the episode where the guy said something he goes well and he stepped up to the police guy i did that a few times but i knew in the back of my head you're not getting nowhere you're just having a bad fucking day exactly just having a bad day event hey dog put those sneakers away fuck you bitch put those

fucking what the fuck is wrong with you i'm over here uh and you don't even know because there's days where these four walls do get to you these 60 fucking guys or these hundred guys do get to you yeah you have bad days and good days is it scary when you see it because i saw fist fights today and it was like hi i i didn't know if i should go to the store or not like the people were just fighting outside of the store you just walk in mind your fucking business listen if they're gonna shoot each other gonna shoot each other within the first three minutes they have guns if they're out there swinging it out if one guy goes down he gets up and he runs through his car then you fucking run yeah but if he's not you know it's like that's saying him good guys wear black in the

beginning but the guy goes let me go give him money out of my car he gets a gun he comes back that's it you got a problem once they go in the car you start running like a motherfucker that's got nothing to do with you but a good fist fight you gotta watch from time to time just to see how fucked up it is out there how fucked up and how quick this could happen straight up quick you could be walking with paul down the street and some guy don't like that shirt he's drunk and he'll say something he'll smack you in front of paul how fucking fast that could happen that's a reality it could happen to me walking down the street with my wife I walk up the route there's two dudes they're just having a bad day one kicks me in the stomach that's how fast that's how fast

your life could change man the reason why I stopped playing blackjack last night was this dude came in sat down next to us and said hey what casino man and the thing about the south point is it's not next to anything it's not like the stripper it could be in any like any of a thousand casinos there's only one casino there and he just started saying weird shit to the poor little like 18 year old dealer girl with blonde hair he's like I have a rope somewhere and like he's like I see you he's like I can kick down to places like you're just getting a little creepy oh I get kicked out listen not for nothing every fucking casino is creepy as fuck yeah listen I don't care where you go though when you're walking through those casinos you see people yeah the vibe changes automatically I don't

care where the fuck casino they're at from the sls to the south point to that fucking hotel we saw when we were pulling out when we were going with somebody were you with us or was me joyful out of his wife we're going to do MMA junkie on the way to Mandalay Bay we saw a hotel we're like who the fuck stays in there people stay in there Vegas is the real deal holy field listen man I want to give some shout out to my man Bradford uh get well cocksucker I know your Achilles tendon Johnny and Laura congratulations I want to give a shout out to my brother Burbank 818 fucking telling people to retweet and shit get it together you fuckhead you know I love you and my favorite fucking Armenian Zach Bjork Gustavo Sidenio John Murphy Daniel Riley Amy and my man Dave John Cutler for sending

me a beautiful fucking Latin Jazz CD but the shout out this week goes to Lisa at Talking Land for fucking being uh the anchors of the special this episode shout out to you my man Talking Land that John even brought me another brothers he brought me Oreos but he couldn't take them Oreos too I brought them home I still didn't dig into that's right me a strawberry shortcake I mean that guy is very good to me I love him like a brother like I said you meet people on this Twitter initiative again they're falling in love I would move to Vegas because I knew that Talking Land was there I knew that you have my back you know those people yeah you call four in the morning they're like I'll be there with a bazooka and I got some throwing stars that's Talking Land you know

Talking Land would have like a little camera set up there just you already know like even before you call people go I'm already on the way Joey no this just uh all that shit was great so it's five years you've been on think of all the things you did in five years George Perez from the from the fucking shows with your boy from the 70s show well you did that before you got locked up yeah I did that before I got so when you went to prison you were a celebrity there people wanted to fucking jam with you mama jokes yeah yeah nobody knew until like later like my last year and a half or two years maybe that's when everybody was just like hey dawg we because like we found a way to get MTV 3 on our TV like the homie that did like electricity plugged the main wire for like the dorm

into the to the TV room so MTV 3S comes out and it's the old reruns of your mama and everybody's like looking like hey is that fucking you and I was like yeah then after that it was just like bada bing you know what I mean but I really didn't want no one to talk to me I didn't want I don't know the less friends you have is the better right why do you want to be a celebrity in there but it happened and I and I ran with it as far as like uh living life I mean it was cool but it wasn't at the same time you know how it is other races are just like I don't give a fuck if you're funny when did you get out Jordan I got out in 2009 you know I got locked up in 2006 for me it's not who I was but it's who I am like I got locked up I'm not ashamed of it I don't give a fuck I got locked

up I did something wrong yeah I paid my debt at the time I could have gone to a fucking Honduras and rented cars and I could have come back now where would my life be I wouldn't have my own life now you'd be on the run still you know I I remember months before the thing I thought I was going to be the kidnapping case like that's how delusional I was like I was I knew I wasn't going to take it to court but I had a doubt I'm like I'll kill the fucking victim you know I wanted him to disappear I thought he would disappear on his own but he didn't yeah he's still alive but the point being that it's like I still think about it once a day every fucking day at some point I think about my mother I think about my friends what they mean to me I think about

doing that straight whether it's two minutes on the bus ride or you know laughing in jail when you laugh in jail you fucking laugh like I laugh oh yeah those black motherfuckers are fucking high larious with a capital H from I'm in my study for the first two weeks I didn't giggle or nothing and then diagnostic I would fucking how because there was a black dude that would call his wife every night yell at her for 20 minutes like it would start off good like yeah I miss you and shit on a year I'm over here with the cuban and shit and then like you know you call them and you get collect calls yeah the conversation would turn after like eight minutes and they would start yelling at each other the phone and then they would go fuck you bitch don't call back and

you hang up on and you go to the cell and they go she don't she can't call you you just ended the phone call in a bad way not all night you're gonna be thinking about that beef and you call king call that bitch back I apologize now you got to write letters all night and make sure the fucking horse leaves on time at 5 a.m. hell you it's a fucking nightmare to have an argument with your girl for the shit like but that's not the point at hand the point of hand was how for me I word with a bad john like if you go to Vietnam for me you come back with a medal that's what I did because it was I did get a medal from it no I got a medal from experience yeah it's an experience I got a medal from going to prison because I did some with what I learned I talk about it today and I did

something with it you know I was talking to talking land and he was talking about success I'm not successes to me listen man I'm happy about one thing in this life I did something with my life yeah it's not even about success guys it's not about success it's at 40 years old you pay a mortgage you know the richest guy in the world you got 280 in the bank you got 600 in your Christmas club you got a nice wife a few kids and so what you didn't become president so what you didn't make it to the Boston Red Sox so what you're not driving a Maserati you're way better off on a lot of fucking people yeah most important thing you did something with your life these people that dream of being celebrities or one of the C celebrities or I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that that's all

great and dandy but they're not happy with what the fuck they have I've been happy with myself for like fucking five years man just waking up in the morning yeah who needs a million dollars and that's what you need to make you happy boy are you gonna have a hard fucking life because that's what I thought until about 30 that's what I thought so if you didn't have 50,000 in your pocket you weren't gonna have no friends then you realize who the fuck wants friends if I need 40,000 dollars yeah I want friends like this fucking they'll go cheer they'll die live and die for you and they you know he knows the same for me we don't even fucking you know it's not like I fucking pay his rent the nothing like that he works for his fucking money man so it's so weird like for me I'm just

happy that I'm not locked up I'm happy that I'm not living in a fucking basement before other guys smoke and crack do you ever have nightmares about being locked up like like you get locked up again I used to get that a lot I have nightmares about everything I have nightmares about people doing blow with me about women listen where I came from if I don't have a nightmare once a week or a bad dream I'm not real you gotta you have to live this shit in your mind somewhere yeah tell people all the time you gotta check on your skeletons bro from time to time because if not they're gonna check on your motherfucking ass and that's not a good check no sometimes at night I smoke a fucking joint

my mind goes somewhere and I start thinking about dark times and shit and I relive it I cry a little bit you know I giggle and I go fuck that's a scary time I do the side of the cross and I leave that motherfucking thought where the fuck it is you know I write sometimes in the morning I remember shit like I'm trying to write the story for Ari's thing well that was a hellion I robbed this dude and I caused a lot of havoc and oh and you know you think about all that shit and I can feel bad about it that that's not the person I am today it's not at all you know yeah I go back in time a lot too and I just trip out like fuck like back in my era like we fought a lot you know what I mean like we really I was in the kind of kid that stole ship because I remember one time we tried to do

like a home invasion I was just like we couldn't get in the house I was happy I was like fuck dude let's get the fuck out of here I remember just going I gotta go to football practice like in two hours what the fuck is going on just that word home invasion I did those things the drugs but I don't look at them as a home invasion because just a word home invasion makes me fucking nervous yeah makes you nervous the last time I did that with my buddy and I went in there with a gun dog I'm believing that going somebody could have fucking shot me he used to handcuff him with the fucking suit on with the dj jacket guys you have no fucking idea what fear is you have no fucking idea what fear is bro I was telling you how you go deaf every time I was about to do something

bad bro I would go deaf and I could feel my heartbeat every movement in my chest it's a pink Floyd fight showtime yeah that's the same adrenaline you get when you get into a fight or you get a knife pulled on you the cops are chasing you but when I would crawl through a window I was ripping your shit apart looking for that coat I still remember that kid in that belt when I went back and ripped his heart he had one of those ceilings suspended ceilings that have the cubes inside that you pick them up and you can hide shit and they drop the ceiling don't I never forget that I jumped up and grabbed onto those ceilings at that time I was 220-225 and I remember every fucking piece of strength I heard I ripped that fucking ceiling down the whole building hurt

the whole building hurt the thing go I didn't give a fuck I was deaf my heart was pumping I cut my hand used to cut yourself that's why a new oj killed his wife because when you're killing the motherfucker you're drowning so high you don't feel it your hand you ain't feeling it I wouldn't feel shit when I got back and I was like what the fuck is this oh shit I got caught on a bob why you know I'm fucking bleeding you wouldn't fucking feel it I would go up to a window smash it open the window crawl in and cut yourself for something on the way in you're ripping shit you're opening up desks you're throwing dishes you're looking for shit man you what do you think you look for shit neatly yeah when I rub people I knew I didn't make a mess you know what I'm saying but if I

didn't know them you have to make a fucking mess if you know them you can't make a mess you want you want the element of fucking surprise you know what's up lisa at your little fucker bad motherfucker you it was just a great weekend man it was uh it was fun to see you do it finally do a special 24 fucking years I did pieces on it and I never did a special nobody was gonna offer me a special choice you know but you just did it on your own independent and I told Lee and we and Lee had conversations I called them like a week ago and I told them what was gonna happen I go listen I'm gonna do it people gonna jump on and when I help nobody's gonna fucking sell it we're gonna get nothing we're gonna get a fucking nothing

let's just do it ourselves we'll make a little money we won't make nothing at least I did it yeah it's better than sitting there going we'll do it in November we'll do it in January that's what we're doing for two fucking years you know me yeah I procrastinate like anybody fucking else you know and Lee kept pushing me I gotta give him credit and finally I just put two and two again I said I'll do it there and that's it you know hopefully you'll do one soon and we could be on the same fucking network together yes yes I'm actually working on it myself so we'll see what's going on because you know it does it takes a while you got to get the right money the right location I don't want to like do it and like go around cut corners you know what I mean I want to

do it legit well here's the problem with specials the CDs that if a company comes to you they're gonna go wow George Perez we really love you we're really we're gonna put about 80,000 into your CD tell them Lee you know if you wire the fucking room and put it into the thing it don't cost no 80,000 for no fucking CD marketing who you're gonna call comedy 24-7 they'll do it for fucking free uh what the rapper on the CD and the cases you get 50 cases for two fucking dollars so what costs what's the 80 fucking thousand go shoot a special talk to people about shooting specials it's 200,000 dollars I want to know where what does that cover the 10 first class seats for everybody to come and drink that's what that covers let's shoot a special three four motherfuckers hotel rooms

a flight the rental the cameras everybody works for a fucking little piece of a back end let's see what we can fucking do here that's how you're fucking shoot a fucking special at the end you go wow I spent 18,000 what were they talking about for 300,000 like no way we spend 150,000 yeah I'm sure you fucking do no you don't you pay all these motherfucking immigrant wages you pay them six but you tell me you pay him 12 you following what I'm saying to you so that six goes right into your fucking pocket that's that's what the mafia did for 20 years that's called hiring non-union fucking labor and paying them non-union what do you do with that extra 20 that goes in your pocket that's what's how the yeah that's what happened you're supposed to get 29 but I got a fucking

Spanish dude who'll do it for nine yeah you know and I put 10 of those guys on the job instead of 10 fucking whatever nine guys if you got nine guys and you're clipping $20 an hour from nine guys at 180 180 times nine that's a lot that's how the mafia made their fucking money and that's what they try to do with your labor Lee went there for a fucking job and they want they want to pay shit so they're coming to you saying yeah what about the editors we're paying them 3000 an hour Lee was like they were the worst offer I ever got up front so you know they're lying to you they take oh no we advertise in Rolling Stone no you fucking don't no you fucking don't you got some fucking Nicaraguans downtown who print the fucking things but we make posters yeah for 200

dollars a poster that's five you follow I'm saying to you they do like let's get bids on posters well these people say they'll do it for six these people say they'll do it for nine these people say they'll do it for 12 let's go with them no go with the guys for six again that you just save money right fucking there but now they do everything they lie to you I'm not doing that shit and any marketing that they would do it's worthless this is all the marketing we need there's no fucking market there's no money they don't do no marketing they hire a firm that knows nothing about comedian and you go on that Twitter page they got 361 followers how good are you a public fucking relations if you got 361 followers I want to hang out with you I'd rather hang out with somebody

with the hip they got more followers people feel sorry for you if you got the hip you're a PR with 20 fucking followers some chick called me from Denver hi I'm public I was on the computer hi I'm a friend there whatever I'm looking for comedy clients if you'd like to this is my web page web page is beautiful Puerto Ricans women dancing Miami Vice you know then I went to the Twitter page 22 people what I want to hang out with you for wow I know people got the flu who got more fucking friends you know I'm saying I know people who got fucking HIV cancer who got more fucking friends than you 22 people what publicly who the fuck do you know you know loneliness that's what you know these motherfuckers leave it was crazy going on stage on Saturday sure it's crazy

but you got the balls of fucking steel it was fun but that's there that there's a great card like that would not have gone as well no well I told you there were church people so it was be like stealing every time I'll go to out of the fucking thousand people I show up 200 ago did you bring Lisa yeah they love this fucking guy he goes up he's the star of death and he fucked on wiggle you can do whatever the fuck he wants now he's got he's got him by the boy he's a Jew working backwards you know I'm saying he's a Jew hanging out with Mussolini who's better than him now what well George Perez what do you got coming on the books I know you always got movies old cholo he's got something going on you know what I'm actually doing an autism show remember

that big autism show I do we fucking yeah fucking you do that 22 times a fucking year now this is my fifth year doing it with them what's the date October 21st Fullerton Fox Theater you're doing yeah no it's it's cool it's cool we got Tom Green this year no shit yeah Tom Green Sam Tripoli we got uh I can't say we got a special person hosting I'm not gonna host this year I'm gonna do a spot and we also got Joshua Meyerowitz you know from the store yeah he's uh and then we got Keith Riza and we got Kate Quigley okay she was on the podcast good kid yeah yeah yeah I haven't got to meet her yet but I've heard good fucking solid solid hard work like you you and her are the same you know always out there she's always got a bikini on she's a crazy bitch but that's what I

love about her she's a crazy bitch but she's out she's not sucking dick she's on stage oh that's good these crazy bitches come on they put a bikini on they want to suck dick and try to be fun I'm a comedian yeah because you blew three managers oh you got his bad breath you got nothing you got the fuck you got to write jokes bitch I haven't had cable for a while I saw destiny borrow on like the commercial for a show yeah for the show on Fox the like a Gotham Gotham yeah yeah yeah he's like in the commercial yeah Dustin don't fuck around these kids work bro that kid hustles he was upset because he didn't book a fucking pile on my Dustin look at you you were handsome motherfucker just sit time what's up dog what are you gonna go home and eat talking I don't know I wish I could I don't

have anything cuz I was gone she didn't go you know go food shopping tonight are you gonna go right to the source you get some Thai food what are you gonna do oh what's with the I don't know I'm hungry all right well what are you gonna eat I know you're gonna go to Subway I know that's what's on your mind well that's like the only healthy thing I can get right now you've been thinking Subway since you walked in here I could see I could sniff the the fucking turkey coming out of your ear balls and shit that fucking beat up turkey you know fucking cage why is it beat up because it's not cage-free turkeys that's subway but those are fucking turkeys they get chased by a car all day and shit down in some country and shit is that part of their process like they have like a ring and

car that's it that's it and they fucking run them over like an old station wagon like a maverick it's good to see you George Perez I know you're down there I know you're big with the rap battle stuff I know that your role is fucking oh geez with the rose it's cool man you know like I barely started going to the store for like maybe over like a year now and like from day one to now that's the place to be I'm not putting all the club down but like I like the vibe there over there it's like everyone's trying to get with everybody it's a dark club and certain people fit in that club and some people just really don't yeah you could tell when a comic walks in there on the way out if he's ever gonna come back I could tell like Rudy Moreno went in there walked out never

came back she made him a regular Missy was walking by the fucking main room Rudy was up there doing a Spanish room made him a regular when he walked up Rudy came one night the set was running seven minutes late he got his phone never came back wow and I knew it there's just people who get up in certain situations the store is not for everybody it's it's uh it's a combat comedy yeah it's too real they're right up on top here it's it's the improv is a little bit cleaner you know yeah yeah oh my god I just had this quiche Lorraine that was sensational you know people go to the store that just ate some of these asshole and they're the line of blow you know what I'm saying yeah you're gonna laugh at your little kids quiche Lorraine yeah that's who goes to the fucking improv

people eat quiche Lorraine and you know they love whales and you know shit like that they go whale watching the Santa Monica I want to stand there and watch a whale like I want fucking foot fungus in my asshole you understand me fuck whales do you think they'll go see that movie about that guy walking in the tightrope across buildings you know what man I might get a tightrope and have you walk across from the Honda store right to this window over here I'm not going to see that movie that movie's in 3d which one the movie about the dude who walked in the tightrope oh yeah that should look crazy but the problem is you get high and you go see that in 3d you're gonna get vertigo you're gonna get dizzy you're gonna sit there and go what the fuck is going on with this shit

what's the last movie you seen I seen straight out of Compton man I saw I saw we went to see the movie this week with crazy man black mass oh okay with what's his name about yeah about what's his name yeah but the mafia guy was it the number one movie this weekend oh I'll go check it out see what the number not a bad movie no it was slow I seen it had bad reviews it did get bad reviews yeah because they were saying that he's supposed to like get Oscar nominated or something uh no I thought it was too broad no I think they did a great job but no Oscar nomination that's okay but you never know they gave it to the guy from the hurt locker you know anybody could win a fucking Oscar today yeah what was number one movie how to be black mass uh it was actually was

maze runner got 30 but then black mass got 22 yeah that could be Johnny Depp's demise right there what it costs to make it tells you but he already has into the movie coming out where he plays like another pirate or something yeah well the pirates of the Caribbean is this fucking that's a brand that's always gonna make you know kids go they dress up they stab each other with umbrellas get the fuck out of here you know stab me with a fucking umbrella get a sword you fuck what happened I don't worry about it who gives a fuck I'm just making a point that you know Johnny Depp needed a big fucking movie like this had to be big 22 million he did a good job he did a good job I enjoyed the movie I really did I don't think it's an academy

award winner okay I liked I liked Ronald Livingston what's the movie he was the guy that had like the beard not the chubby hip man but his buddy okay he was in office space oh yeah it's a woman with me going to buy a ticket yeah it's entertainment it's entertaining you smoke a giant listen it's entertainment bro okay you know there's dip between being bored or a bad movie and something entertains you even though it's slow it's dark and there's this moment you know but it's a it's a good story it's a good story that maybe was told the wrong way do you agree I think they should have focused on something like they just glazed out like kind of glazed over his sundying like he was like an evil part like he like they didn't go into like all the murders he used to

like they like showed a couple of them but I think it like he was it would have been a cooler movie if it hadn't been like his entire life because then when they do that you know it's only two hours so he was fucking ruthless that guy you know killing women and stuff and I remember the other day when I was watching it yeah I gotta be honest with you there was a minute that I was like I wanted to be this guy you know this is the asshole I wanted to be when I was 20 I thought that that's what worked I thought that that was what I had around me those are the people that were cool people that did that stupid shit you know for like a minute I was like this could have been me hanging out with this idiot well you live by their code and also he's just

killing people in front of you though killing women well you do George you don't show up to work there they hunt you down yeah the next day and with the money he had he puts a pride investigator on you for hunting in California he'll shoot you wherever that dude so you gotta get a fucking passport and leave and go halfway around the world I mean that guy eluded the cops for a long fucking time fucking when they found them he still had a half a million fucking dollars in cash in the wall with guns and everything fucking tourists he had guns in the wall yeah and there was a tourist who rattled him out from like Germany or something out of the tourist scene they saw uh they saw it on CNN they saw like a report on it or something and they said and were like oh I recognize that I think

it was his girlfriend that's right the girlfriend they fed cats in the neighborhood just like Hannibal remember how they found him in the second movie he was like in Spain or something and they got him with a glass and they yeah when they're looking for you like that dog it's just a matter of time you gotta have endless cash Chappell's the only one to get away yeah Chappell get away Chappell somewhere with 200 motherfuckers surrounding a building guess what Chappell's right here yeah yeah usually where would you go not where would you go and blend not America wow listen if you don't want to be found you got to be right in front of that's how real pimps do it yeah when people looking for you got to be right in front of them

because they're looking for you out of that circle I guess you're just not going to go to the same bar you go to you're not going to go to the same fucking route you're not going to go to the same place to get a haircut do you think that was Osama do you think if they that's what Osama did if that's what no I'm talking about El Chapo El Chapo left fucking Mexico where could he go with America right he went to America so he went north so he either went to one of the fucking border states where he could shave his mustache but they're gonna be looking from there those little small 30 miles if they looked at joy they know you're not from around there something's different so where would he fucking go with all that money

Los Angeles or Chicago there's tons of fucking Mexicans in Chicago he shaves his mustache he dyes his head blonde and he gets it done you know how long it takes him to get a license on the passport five minutes he's on his fucking list okay he could do plastic surgery and shoot the fucking plastic surgeon he could do a thousand fucking things with that type of what do you think they don't shoot the plastic surgeon you're gonna let some guy know he did plastic surgery on you that's fucking good luck yeah good fucking luck imagine getting that phone call being the plastic surgeon you're like uh no you're not gonna get a phone call it's gonna be a Mexican a cousin of a cousin a cousin of a cousin he's gonna get you at the house it's gonna be great

you're not gonna think about it they're gonna want it done in two days so it gives you no time to think about it yeah there's no pre-mep there's no nothing they do crazy shit like that they do that shit in Mexico all the fucking time that's why you know people go bro my buddy was in on this business that they're gonna start a bunch of doctors that have been like suspended in the United States are gonna go right over the border in Mexico they're gonna take care of you for a third of what it caused to do medicine here they're gonna go great they're gonna get buses oh they're gonna get buses not doctors who have been suspended like super not doctors who have been suspended for killing you on the thing the doctors that when you passed out they finger bang you're not looking for a

second chance they'll fix your tooth for 10 bucks you're not gonna go see him so what his fingers smells funny continuation school doctors and shit no these are guys that you know lost license whatever man who do you think happens what do you think gives you prescriptions for these fucking medical malone licenses who do you think gives you prescriptions for these fucking things yeah but they're just writing a piece of paper and they give out pieces of candy these guys are abolished we think they're gonna go back and take the practice medicine when they write those medical malone or fucking licenses leave no they're guys that are on the way out they're semi-retired they don't give a fuck these russians go to the house and go how are you doctor listen we get 75

federal license we give you 30 we do 22 licenses a day when the big thing in michigan when we'd opened up in michigan all the russians from here left to michigan to open up medical places because they were getting 3 400 like it was here 10 years ago a medical malone license is 250 dollars yeah and i first got my license it was 250 there was no negotiation nothing you want to license 250 you know how long the line was when i went i called that motherfucker on a monday he scheduled me for three mondays at two in the afternoon and when i got that it was 10 fucking luigi's in there in front of me a 250 a fucking license you understand me so this guy might have gotten suspended or whatever you know that's 2500 he was fucking that jewish chicks doctor what's the

what's the chick that the ugly old woman who was the comedian who died on the electrical table what's her fucking name she had like 90 fucking plastic surgery on rivers yeah you know bits like that when they check the thousand plastic surgery and then conrad marie and then conrad marie he's like a jackson's doctor so let me ask you a question is he gonna be like that crown jewel so let me ask you a question is he still in jail conrad marie i don't know so conrad marie gets out of jail he goes to mexico let's say you need a new eyeball in the united states they won 22 000 dollars for an eyeball let's say conrad marie gives you for eight you might not wake up so who gives a fuck at least you get the for eight my buddy martin pares

went to mexico to get the lap band he said it cost 30 000 in the united states i don't know what the fuck it was he says it cost him six thousand in mexico yeah girls go over there to get their fake asses done in the tits right now it's like the most yeah that's the most it's an injection um look at this poor fucking mum what are you talking about that's what they do they go that's what i'm telling you that my friend got the new kidney remember they wouldn't give her saline they wouldn't give her a kidney for a year she had to sign up for a program she couldn't drink she called the mexicans they're like drink you can drink the day of we don't give a fuck that's how we test the kidney we give you a shout out to keeler to make sure everything works this

you think they give a fuck about types whether they match they'll stab a hindu tourist and give you his fucking you'll fucking mexican walking around with a hindu's fucking kidney you always want to eat that yum yum shit your feet are dirty your feet are dry you're like what a fuck my feet always fucking dry i'm porto rican what my feet fucking dry and chappy because you got an indian's kidney in you use those seven lemon their feet are always dried and fuck those hindus because you gotta look at their feet the judge a man you look at their toes i've been wearing sandals if they've yeah they got sandals on they got brown skin and that toe is gray they haven't put cream on that foot

in 20 fucking years since they left pakistan what the fuck what the fuck you think i'm talking about here bali let me read the ad so you get the fuck out winded on that note we don't want to sell nobody else it's true how fucked up are you on that star dog i'm fucking feeling right now told you dog we don't fuck around here and lea the star and 50 milligrams 200 milligrams what 200 stop fucking make a story everyone got that gave me the 50 there's no 50 50 we went through 100 stars in las vegas in three days wow 100 anarchy edibles joey felato the first night that fool a three of me passed out for four hours he said he ate ice cream 10 fucking times his wife joe perez ate him me and lee were eating them like fucking

nothing i love joey felato he was walking around feeling he was like like you're a hype man he's like you know why i'm joey felato you heard me on the podcast um like all his stories 100 true he's the coolest dude he's like like i was telling you it's weird that you're like the reserved one between him and you oh he's loud he's great he's a good fucking dog on it you know i'm sick and tired of talking to you about this shit shrewl tech fucking uh immune that's why i took three of them before southwest flight i'm up in fucking dandy leaves had to take 10 nap because i took one now don't fucking mad i didn't nap i'm twice your fucking age i slept five fucking hours last night i was making money the blackjack get the fuck out of here cuz i didn't

even get my 10% yeah i didn't get a final total that comes to vegas with me he wins 80 90 200 dollars i don't even nothing trickles down over here not even a fucking he don't show up with a cheeseburger nothing the fuck that's like a ton of fucking though anyway back to on it all the supplements they have a world class i love this shit the hemp protein shake 16 grams of protein two scoops with a fucking banana your brand new a few ice cubes some water listen i don't give a fuck whether you believe me or not or whatever the fuck you want to give it a try yourself the truth of the alpha brain's got 100 money back guarantee and we don't want the fucking product back who does that shit nobody that's a proof testimony that this shit will fucking work for

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always adding new stuff but do me a favor nature box is full of flavor and what i need junk so do me a favor let's call action here go online to get your first box at naturebox.com slash joey go online to get your first box at naturebox.com slash joey right now at the naturebox.com slash joey right now to unbox a world of taste and possibilities one last time go to naturebox.com right now for your first box of beyond tasty you get five bags for fucking box man so remember the smart snack guarantee takes the wrist out of snack if you don't like a snack send it back and they're replaced with a new one that's what i'm talking about that's naturebox.com i'd like to thank on it me on these naturebox.com hitty-sigs and what's the other one uh nail the life.com

nail the life always there for you i'd like to thank george Perez for coming in george what's your next comedy date my brother uh that uh october 21st where that's a benefit yes where is it at fullerton fox theater and is there a web page that you guys at uh fullerton uh fullertoncares.com i have salmon so you can promote okay thank you i'll be in new york city this weekend but guess what this sold out 1145 friday and saturday it's a little funny bone the following weekend october second to the fourth get your tickets right now i love you guys thank you for supporting my special i want to thank george Perez for coming up tonight i love this fucking guy with all my heart follow george on twitter or facebook it's a great success story you know he had problems too when

he's out there making it happen i get emails every week and people having problems and whatnot just put your fucking head through it man it all comes down and you'll be here laughing you'll be laughing at this ten years later what's your what's your daughter at george p comedy george p comedy are you gonna sit there and look at me like a dunce put on benny marie i'm gonna drop some fucking music on you tonight old school cuban music 1950 benny marie sanatra once walked into a casino in cuban heard benny marie and he said he wanted to shoot him that's how good this fucking guy's voice was do you want to play benny marie komo for a little ballad for you motherfuckers then you go on youtube and look at the rest of this shit this dark word about the other one we'll do that for

them some other time okay um here we go here we go 22 fucking minutes now the show is over don't forget to go to naturebox.com do what and get your first hit box you say put the music on please you'll see this later put the music on a little benny marie for you motherfuckers to get the party started listen to this gentleman's voice and shit the church will be back i don't know about tomorrow maybe next week because i gotta go to new york on wednesday so we'll figure it out i love you guys stay black have a great week oh

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