Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #326 - Ryan Sickler

Episode Date: October 19, 2015

  Ryan Sickler, Comedian and Host of The CrabFeast Podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: NextIssue.com/Joey for a free trial of the Magazine app Next Issue Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for five Hit E Cig's for $50 Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. They are also produce some of the best edibles on the market, Los Gummies Hermanos Recorded live on 10/18/15 Music:  Jungle Boogie - Kool and The Gang I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Into The Void - Black Sabbath  

This video will get more hits than anything I could ever even dream of putting up. Look at that littlest thing. We got that sent us when we were on acid. Look at that. That is the littlest. That's just like a swollen clit basically. It looks like an acorn. Look at that guy.

This is one of the funniest things. Jesus Christ. And I can't put it on Twitter because they'll throw me off for sure. They will throw you off for sure. This will cancel my Twitter subscription for sure. After the balls? You think they just have you on a list? Oh yeah, they're watching me now.

People ratted me out. Oh they did? Were they report you or something? Oh fuck yeah. Oh fuck yeah. And do they notify you that they're watching or are they just watching? You know what? The bullet checker is like it was nephew.

That's right. That fucking video. It's painful but it's hysterical at the same time. I sent it to some people who just did not appreciate it. Like two people called me back and they were like, Joey what the fuck? Yeah Lee, take this motherfucker over. Okay, this podcast is brought to you by Next Issue.

Next Issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world. Most popular magazines anytime, anywhere using your phone or tablet. The best part is Next Issue is offering a free trial right now when you go to nextissue.com slash joey. So go to nextissue.com slash joey. They have all your favorite magazines ESPN the magazine and they're full color, they're great and they have some magazines even have bonus video content. So go to nextissue.com slash joey.

The show is also brought to you by NailedItLife.com. Go to NailedItLife.com. Use code joeyds to get 20% off of your first order. And if you live in California, they are also the makers of Los Gumi Shamanos. Go to hitesigs.com. That's hit letter e-sigs.com. Better tasting, longer lasting. The proof is in the vape.

They have e-cigarettes and e-cigars. Go to code word joey's church to get 5 for 50. And go to onit.com and use code word church to get 10% off all of the great optimization products like Apple Brain New Mood, Shroom Tech Immune and Shroom Tech Sport. You're starting this week off with a fucking bang. What? Oh shit. Black people with fucking bombs.

Stop it. Kick it. Kick it Lee. You know how I was like in the 8th grade when this came out? How lucky was I? Kick it Lee. Kick it. Kick it.

Kick this motherfucker. Ryan Sickles now. Get it. Fucking remember, 6th grade when this came out. I remember going to other high schools. Like kick it Lee. Don't turn this motherfucker off. I'll fucking stab you.

So you're lucky you got this cool in the gang. The cool in the gang I got was Cherish. Remember that one? Cherish the love and all that shit. That's cool in the gang I got. This is fresh out of Jersey. Was it Pulp Fiction that brought this back? That's what introduced me to this cool in the gang.

This is fucking tremendous. I knew the wrong cool in the gang. Kick it Lee. Here we go. Hit it. Kick it Lee. That's fucking tremendous shit. That's fucking heavy duty.

Ryan Sickles, Lee Syat. The church, what's happening now? What's happening gentlemen? Had a fucking good weekend. How you doing? I heard you drove up North. Yeah. I had a great weekend.

Someone started listening to the podcast and invited me. They homeschooled their kids and they're starting a podcast studio. Someone set it up for them. It was a lot of fun. It was great. They treated me really nice. Got me a really nice hotel. Went out for dinner.

You got your fruit basket? Yeah. I got a bottle. It was great. You had a hotel room at night rubbing your feet? Barely. I was there for like at most like 30 hours, 36 hours. But it blew me away.

Like they're both 13. And it blew me away how much I don't know that's popular right now. And all I could think about was comedians. Like do you guys ever... Like I'm only one of my eight years, nine years out of high school. Yeah, nine years. And I'm totally out of the loop now. Do you guys like make it a point to find out what's like current and keep like...

Yeah, yeah. I just was at home reading fucking mechanics and shit like that. Trying to find out what the new trend is. That's what I do all day. I sit around looking for the new hot fucking thing. Lee, I know nothing. I'm a fucking half an ape. I know nothing.

If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't even have a microphone. I don't know nothing. Didn't understand me. I don't know what's going on. That's great that you got exposed to that. And that's what Ray Canella said. Ray Canella is a friend of the podcast. A kid I grew up with.

I was in a band in the sixth grade. He worked for Sci-Fi. What was your band's name? You suck. That was the name. Right away you gotta hit me up with names. I figured you guys had a good one. No, we had no fucking name.

We were lip syncing. Singing the Beatles over fucking music with the Jackson 5. Like four fucking momos. But my point being, he said that he kept watching his kids watching TV. And it was completely different. They watched television a different way. They watched it on demand or something. And he went to Sci-Fi and kept telling them things are changing.

And Sci-Fi was like, nah, we're going to keep doing it. So he quit and he fucking started this YouTube channel for horror people. And he was doing great with it. $7 a month unlimited horror. He gets it from all over the world. He's been a horror buff since we were growing up. That was his thing. He went to the movies in Jersey City.

And he'd tell you and you're like, Jesus, he was such a nice guy. And he had such a passion for what he did. And now he's making a living from just because he saw the future. So even as a comic, I'm very fortunate. You are too. That we're part of the podcast. I look at a lot of comics still and go, you don't have a podcast and you're not part of one. You know, right now you're suspect.

Even if your podcast sucks, you're suspect because you don't have one. People like, why would you have a fucking podcast? Everybody has a podcast. At least it's trying to put one together as a part of one of calls one in. If you're a comedian, I'm not talking about your, you know, a stockbroker working 12 hour days busting your ass. Well, fucking assholes like me and making people laugh. You guys work for real.

You got no fucking time. It's just crazy how, like how much competition there's for kids. How much they have to know now. Like I was, when I was talking to their, to the parents, I brought up Cassius Morris and how he's been doing since he was 10. And like part of what I was doing, there was training like the 13 year old girls to run the board and do everything that we're doing. And it's just, it's, and they're already animating stuff.

And it's just crazy how much stuff there is for that, for them now. And then, and how great, like if, if you started a podcast, like you said you met somebody this weekend who has been following you for 15 years. If there's a comedian now who's 16 or 18 and starts a podcast, by the time he gets to be 30, he'll definitely have people who were there from the beginning. How fucking crazy is that? I, I got a call from Roger Paul, maybe 16 years ago. Roger Paul's a fucking kinky guy.

And whenever the phone rings, there's always going to be a by the way. So they want to hire and no walking. I had worked with a guy on a Yoda run. What's a Yoda run? Yoda, Yoda is a guy at a Michigan. Oh, Yoda, okay. 10 years ago, the father, old man Yoda, 15, 20 years ago. If you're a comic and you were from the Midwest, it was them and somebody else,

but Yoda controlled the Midwest, whether you were dirty or clean. If he liked you, you covered your nut. He had 63 rooms and 22 weeks. Like all those cities in Michigan, there was a comedy club that he booked. That's it. And they were all, some were B rooms, some were fucking D rooms, some were A rooms. And he had Buffalo. He had Cleveland.

I mean, he had so many rooms. So I did a Yoda run and I met this dude from Milwaukee. And I said, what do I do to get into that room of Milwaukee? And he goes, I recommend you. And three months later, some guy calls me and says, hey, they're looking for you to see if you want to work that room. So I went up there in the dead of the winter, February, Valentine's Day weekend, like that weekend. Oh my God, the fuck, by the way, it was the condo. It looked like the monsters.

It even had the gate and shit, the whole fucking deal, everything. Oh my God, I've talked about this. It was just horrific. But anyway, when I was up there that time, I met the lady who actually books that. And she used to book that room at the time in Appleton. She's still around. Her daughter is now a booker in that area, very small venues, you know, colleges, shit like that. So when she offered me the week, she said, if you come in Tuesday, I got a show I do at Marquette.

You could do the show, 125 bucks, one of those deals, you know. So I went and did the show. And in those days, all I did was snort blow and hang out at the store. That's it. So my whole comedy routine was about feeding them and looking out windows and, you know, and nobody was laughing. But I'm not, no, I don't remember. I do not remember. I don't even listen sometimes.

I can't even hear whether people laughing. I knew it wasn't my audience. But now this weekend in Minneapolis, some kid pulls me aside from the Friday night early show. It says that he was there that night. And he came to the comedy club that weekend to see me. And he remembered the girl with the red hair. And it was just really nice that he was like, I made a mental note. I always knew you would do something.

It was very nice. It is nice. You don't bump into people like that. No, I made a mental note of you a while ago. I mean, you know, I've known you, but I've, you know, I've always sort of kept to myself. We've done several shows together, but there was one we did. The Hollywood improv years ago, a girl went up and she was pretty dirty and you followed her and you got up and you said, that's the type of chick at all.

Let your fucking ass pull it out and suck it. And then the crowd went nuts and you laughed. And but that was your way of saying like, I loved her. You know, that's what you said. And they're like, I loved her. I loved her. Dude, I laughed so fucking hard at that for like five goddamn minutes. Cause it's probably a hundred percent true.

So funny. Oh my God. That was your just walk up and say it off the top of your head. It was so perfect. Sometimes you have to break the room up. It was perfect. Listen, everybody, unless you're fucked up, you always, if you're, you come, if you have that little sarcasm gene, there's things people say that no matter what age they say it, something comes to your mind and you want to crack a joke,

whether it's to yourself, whether it's to the room, whatever the fuck it is. You know, today the baby was looking at me. She kept looking at me going, blow daddy blow. And I'm like, in 20 years, you won't be saying, you know, like you think of things like that. Yeah. A hot girl goes up on the stage. Her tits are out. She's talking about getting fucked in the ass.

You're sitting there. You're a man. Even if you're on a date, what are you thinking about? Fucking in the ass and sticking your dick in the mouth. All I'm doing is going on stage and saying what you think. The reason why I got to laugh was because this is, as I walked out, this was everybody was fucking thinking. Everybody was fucking thinking. Oh my God.

Who knows? I hate when comics go up with the set routine. Sometimes you have to react to the fucking room. Yeah, I agree with that. You have to react to the room as a comedy. There's comedy. There's natural comedy in the room. Nothing bothers me more when I see something coming.

There's always, even in just regular conversation sometimes, there's a great comedic banter in a conversation, an energy that somebody else might not be laughing, but you might even feel that. Yeah. All the time. A little comedy, light banter that you're like, oh my God, that's so, that thing in a movie was such a brilliant conversation they had. It was so, as people say. That's the stuff that makes me laugh most that you say now.

Because I'll come and see shows and lots of all. I'll get to know some bits. But the stuff that makes me laugh is the stuff that you just say that you'll never say again. Yeah, that's the, those are my favorite people in the world. Like my grandmother and her sisters were the same way. I couldn't wait to hear what, like, you know, we've all been through. We've all been through situations, but I couldn't wait to hear their response to that situation. You know what I mean?

Much like what he's saying with you, like, you want to hear what you're going to say next. People really enjoy, you know, the whatever it is behind it, the sarcasm, the smart assness, the funny, the clever. You know, because the other thing too is as comedians, we say what people are thinking, but we, I think it's our job to say that same thing in a way they've never thought of saying that. Does that make sense? Yes, no, that makes a lot of sense. So it's 100% relatable, but maybe you picked the right word here or, you know, chose it to say it this way instead.

And so it still hits home, but it's like, wow, because I, you know, I think it's our job to write beyond that. I think if someone pays you to see that, if I'm going to relate to you, I should be able to say it to you in a way maybe you hadn't thought about saying it, but you get my point exactly. That makes sense. Absolutely. You're freaking me out of here. You look good too, Joey Diaz. So do you.

Everybody's looking good. Lisa, I got some sun to them and shit this weekend up there in the Southern resort, whatever the fuck you were. I had a good time in Minneapolis. That's a great little fucking room. I hear it. Yeah. The super nice people. Some guy gave me maple syrup and rice, and then he wrote me a note, but he didn't write me his fucking name.

I can't even give him a fucking shout out. He gave you syrup and rice? Was it cooked rice or was it just a bag? A bag to cook it. Then some other guy gave me two hits of acid. People asked me if I wanted to do meth. That's a crazy fucking thing. You guys are going to send me to the retail.

I lost the acid. It was in my wallet somewhere. I don't know what I did with it. Oh my God. I'll bump into that someday when you're in an airport stuck. You stick your head in one of your compartments, and there it is. I hit an acid and you got a nine hour stop, and you got some E6. You got a vapor pen.

Fuck it. You go for broke, Jack. I told you. Look, here it is. I smoke weed, obviously, but drugs have always, they've always scared me for me. But in the right situation. What's the worst drug you've ever done? I mean, outside of weed, the only two drugs I've ever done are shrooms one time, and I

did ecstasy like twice. What'd you think of that? The first time it didn't work. The second time, a girlfriend I was dating from Argentina gave me that. We went and rented a cab, but up in Big Bear. That was one of the greatest nights of my life. I mean, it was... How long were you high for?

Oh, hours. Six, five hours, maybe. I understood finally, because everyone kept describing to me what it did and how it felt. And finally, when I felt that permanent smile get plaster on my face, I was like, oh, this is what it is. And it was just, that was a lot of fun. But shrooms to me, I enjoyed that shit for like 45 minutes. And then I was just like, all right, I want this enough.

Get it out of me. Get it out of me. You know, I always, if I ever, I don't know, most of the time I don't get high. I just, you know, smoke. And I relax. And then you just dissipate and float out of it. But with shrooms, that shit just hung around. And I wanted it to be over.

I was like, enough of this. Last Sunday, we did a head ass on the show. And it was pretty intense. It got pretty intense at moments. It was. And it was fun. And I had to leave, because if not, we would have stayed here until six in the morning. That's how you feed an asset trip is with people talking and conversation and smoking weed.

I don't know if I could have gone out publicly like I used to. You could go out publicly on acid. When I was 16. Really? Where did you go? I didn't have a house. I didn't have, I lived with some people, but I couldn't stay in and watch TV with them and do a head of acid. So you met four of your friends and you took a head of acid.

That meant by 11, you're burning. You are burning. How old are you? 16, 17. And you're behind the high school. See, I would have come with you, but I would have been scared to death to do the acid. Looking at the clouds. We'd get, in those days, you bought 25 dollars, got you like 30 joints.

So you rolled them up. You rolled up 30 joints before you went out. So everybody knew where they stood. Like when I go on home, do we smoke 30 fucking joints? Like that's crazy. And sometimes we'd smoke 25 and we'd take a joint off for the morning, you know, like that. We were tight, but that was it. But we went out to four or five in the morning when you tripped your fucking balls.

I don't think I'd like that. Walking around. Or we'd do what we did the other night and go to the midnight movie. That's a blast. It's not, you don't freak out sitting in a movie theater? No, in fact you. Can you even concentrate on the movie? Yes.

The movie sucks you in. Okay. The colors are brighter. At least that's right. Yeah. At one point the movie would just suck you in. At first you'll be like, I wouldn't take a lead to see like the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Oh, that was terrible. Because I'd kick them. I'd stab them while we were sitting there and go crazy. Get me the fuck out of here. I feel like you'd kill people at the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I went once and they got so excited. They were like jumping up in their seats. A girl broke up with me over not going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

We weren't even boyfriend and girlfriend. Well, were you? I was 19. She was 27. She was my neighbor. She was an Italian girl from Milwaukee and she had a sister, Tia, Mia, something. And she used to cut my hair, man. I was a 19-year-old kid.

I just moved from Jersey to Basalt, Colorado. Holland Hills. I'm living in Holland Hills in a house with four fucking bedrooms and three guys that are fucking each bench pressing 480, you know. One of them went back to live. His mom had a heart attack, so he left. And the one guy that was a garbage man, he was a garbage man, an ass man. He'd come home every night with skis and shit like that.

It was a pretty bizarre time. I was a young kid. I was fresh out of New York. Everything I looked at had a price tag. You know, I was a shark, man. I was a fucking shark. But these girls lived next door to me. And they were very nice.

They'd come over and they'd make dip. And they were like Green Bay Packer fans and we'd watch football and blah, blah, blah. And the girls said, you know, I cut hair. The older ones, like, I cut hair. So I went over there one day and she's cut my hair, blah, blah, okay. And then, you know, we were just friends. And then sometimes I would go to her with, she worked at a wine shop called the Grog Shop. I still remember.

And I would meet her and she would give me a ride in what's called Down Valley. Like, if you work at Aspen, you have to go Down Valley. You have to go past No Mass, past Old Snowmass, into Basalt and Woody Creek and all that shit. So, you know, we would just flirt. We would just flirt. And one night I asked her blatantly, blatantly, I said, she goes, what's your ice? Oh, she was cutting my hair and I put my hand under her skirt. And she goes, what's your problem?

And I go, I like you. I got a crush on you. She goes, just say so. Just don't put your hand under my skirt. That's not gentlemanly. And she goes, what do you want to do? You want to take me on a date? You just want to fuck.

Just tell me your intentions. It was that blatant. Like, it was that blatant. And I go, I really don't know. I just, I don't know. I thought I'd take it to a movie or something. And she goes, I'll date you, but you got to move out of next door. She goes, I can't date a neighbor.

It'll never happen. And I was moving anyway. We were moving at the end of the month. So I waited till July 1st. And I hitchhiked down there. This is the savage I am. I fucking hitchhiked down there at 10 o'clock at night. And I just knocked on her screen door and she's like, what are you doing here?

I go, I moved out. I'm ready for our date. What do you want to do? And she goes, come on in. And I think we did a little blow. Her sister was there. The sister was really nice. We talked for a little while.

And then she took me upstairs. And I think we stayed up all night and did dirty stuff. And she drove me home the next day. And it was like she was old, you know, she was older. But I remember the first time my roommate in Snowmass caught me with it. Because she would go to work 5 to 12 or 5 to 10. So she would come up in the afternoons. And my buddy would be, you know, working.

But he knew her from the building. We all lived together next to her. I just never told him that I was with her. Nobody's business. She came up one afternoon with bree cheese. That's the first time I ever ate bree cheese in an apple dog. I'm American cheese type of guy. At that time, I had only tasted American and Swiss cheese.

And that was all. How do you know that? And she showed up. You have hummer, John. She showed up with bree fucking cheese on an apple. And she smeared it on the apple. And I'm like, are you fucking crazy? I'm from Jersey.

And she's like, eat that. And I'm like, no, we got into like an argument. I wouldn't eat fucking bree cheese. Are you fucking crazy? It looks like pimple juice. Get that shit away from me. It smells funny. You want to bring me fucking cheese?

You bring me American cheese. American cheese. That's probably the story she tells now. Oh my God. I dated this guy who wouldn't eat bree cheese. I was fresh out of fucking Jersey. Do you understand me? Well, you wouldn't eat her bree cheese

and you wouldn't go to Rocky. I didn't know. I wouldn't eat her fucking nothing. And then she still dated me. We would hook up once a week and just eat something and have sex and stay up all night. Sometimes we did blow. Sometimes we didn't.

It wasn't about that. It was just, she was like older than me and stuff. I don't know what it was. And then one, I didn't see it for a couple of days. And she called. At that time, I didn't even have a fucking phone. We didn't even have a phone. She would have to call somebody and they would give me a message.

And I called her back at the liquor store and she goes, yeah, I want you to meet my friends at the Rocky Horror. And it was like Halloween time of the year. She goes, I want you to dress up again. I'm from Jersey, dog. Papa don't dress up because of movies. I show up with shorts in a football jersey. I was crazy then, you know.

I didn't have a duffel bag. I didn't have a toilet paper to throw. I didn't have a duffel bag. I had a pillow bag that I used in those days. There was no backpacks. There was no backpacks in 1984. You had a pillow case? I had a pillow case.

I put my t-shirts and my books and I go to town. Pillow case, like I ran away from home. I was a fucking, I was primitive. In 1984, 83, I was primitive. If you did anything with me, you basically took your life into your own hands. Can you explain who's picking up my 19 year old Joy Diaz with all of his clothes

in a fucking pillow case? A 27 year old hairdresser. In Colorado, they used to have a place called the Hitching Post. And if you lived down valley in the early 80s, you had signals. So people would look at you and go like this. This meant a short way.

If you went like that, they would pull over and pick you up. It was called the Hitching Post. And people that didn't want to drive down valley by themselves would pick you up, bro. And it was never no beeps. It was nice people. I never got picked up by no.

In fact, Don Henley picked me up from the eagles. Come on. Don Henley picked me up from the eagles one time. On the 4th of July, 1983, John Denver picked me up going up the Hill of Snowmass Village. Yes, he did. In a fucking Jeep with an eagle on it. Yes, he did.

To do his benefit. I swear to my fucking daughter's eyes. I got a special little love for John Denver. That's how fucking lit. That's how cool that time was in my life. Hold on. Tell me about Don Henley. Like he pulls over.

Don Henley pulls over in a truck. Okay. Now, from the minute I hit Snowmass Village, I'm hearing all these rumors. I'm hearing that Jack Nicholson lives in Maroon Bells, which he did. I'm hearing that Clint Eastwood hangs out at the Holiday Inn at the airport.

In those days, it was a little holiday in at the airport. And I heard Clint Eastwood was there four nights a fucking week. At that time, Hunter S. Thompson hung out at the Woody Creek Tavern six nights a week. And there were rumors that people would go visit him. I didn't know anything about anything. There were rumors that the eagles, half of them lived in Aspen. There was rumors that another band that was cousins to the eagles,

the Nitty-Ditty Girt Band, something like that. Oh, yeah, Nitty-Gitty Girt Band. They were cousins to the eagles. In fact, towards the end of my electrician career, I hung fixtures at the guy's house from the Nitty-Ditty Girt Band. Okay. So, yeah, there was all these rumblings of these people that were in town. There was also rumblings of people who came to visit.

You know, Charles Bronson, shit like that. So, here I am, a young fucking kid. Didn't know I wanted to get into the entertainment business, but was a huge fan of movies. And I'm bumping into people. So, I'm hitchhiking. I'm minding my own fucking business. Is it night day?

No, it's two in the afternoon. July afternoon. I'm hitchhiking. I'm living in Colorado maybe three months, four months at the time. I'm living in Snowmass Village. I get in a fucking truck. How you doing? What's happened?

What's your name? I don't even know if we discuss names. I just know that after about five minutes, I kept looking at this motherfucker. And he looked familiar to me. But he had sunglasses on and a baseball hat. So, I don't say nothing, you know? And we're talking and I'm like, you're in construction?

Yeah. I mean, because he had a big, thick checkbook. Remember in the old days? Yeah, yeah. You had a business. You had a big checkbook. It looked like a fucking notebook. Yeah.

And he had a bunch of postcards on there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is a 25-minute ride in those days. A beautiful scenic ride. You had to pass this fucking diner. If you went down this big popular street in Aspen, you had to pass this little diner, the something house, the hickory house. Oh my godly. Their specialty was the pound cake, the crumb cake.

How would they do it? With a stick of butter melting on top of it. Like, not a fucking piece of margarine, not low-fat butter, gluten-free. A fucking stick. Like a quarter stick melting on top of this bun. You would slice it and the butter would go into the middle. I can't describe it to you. I would stop in there just for the fucking pound or whatever the fuck it was.

You boom. We stopped going. Wait, Don Henley took it in? No, we didn't. I had gone there before. Oh, okay. You have to pass this. It's coming back to me as I'm telling you the story.

And I make that right and then you hit back and you make a left and you're back on that. It's like a little thing, a turn. And by then, I kept taking it to myself, I've seen this guy before. I've seen this motherfucker before. I just don't know where. I just can't put my fucking finger on it. And I don't know if you guys remember.

You're too young and you're way too young. And 83 was his big year, you know. Boys of summer. Yeah, boys of summer. Hit him with the end of the innocence. Hit him with the end of the innocence. No, no, this is way before that. This was like his first solo thing.

But one of the songs videos he did, he did in the classroom. Okay, 1983, Don Henley did in a classroom where he was a teacher. And that, I'm going, this is the fucking guy. Now, would you want me to lie to you and tell you I knew Don Henley was from the Eagles at that? I couldn't put it all together. I'm just trying to figure out where the fuck I know this guy from. And the next thing you know, I go, I know you, I know you, I know you. And he finally just breaks down and he goes, yeah, okay.

I'm Don Henley. I'm the singer from the Eagles. I go, you live in town and I don't know what he said. I mean, it was like a five minute conversation. And he hope I go, can you tell me a big favor? I have a friend that's a huge fan of the Eagles. He went to see you on the whatever tour. Can you sign something for me?

There was no pictures in those days. And he took a postcard that had his address. He ripped the address and he left D-O-N and he wrote over it from my friend and I mailed it to him. That's nice. It was Don fucking Henley. Don Henley. And this, but this was after John, whatever, John Denver. John Denver picked me up.

I moved to Snowmass Village July 1st, 1983. And the third, I moved in on a fucking Wednesday. How was the weather? The weather, it was July. It was still cool at night. It was beautiful. Snowmass Village. Snowmass Village is two point something miles up a mountain.

So once you're up that mountain, you're up that mountain. Okay. So what people usually do is they drop you off at the bottom of Snowmass and they go down straight, down valley to basalt and Glenwood Springs and that type of stuff. You have to cross 82, which is one of the worst roads in the country, especially after October. You don't want to fuck around 82. More fucking deaths on 82 than anywhere in the country. You cross the street and then people are making a left up the hill to Snowmass pick you up. I'm standing out there one in the afternoon, like a fucking Momo.

I had just moved to Snowmass. I went out the night before and got fucked up with Jimmy Burkle. God bless his soul. We got fucked up. And I remember I lived at either D12 or C12 and I knocked on a building C12 and some guy asked, Can I help you? Oh my God. Oh my God.

I'm sorry. I got the wrong door. I just moved here. He was from fucking New York City and we became friends. His name was Bergy. From that encounter, me knocking on the door one in the morning, coked up out of my fucking mind. He came at you. All right, dog.

Let me get your beer. He got me a beer and he walked me and he walked me to my door and I go, I'll catch them all. And I look, I never forgot his name, Bergy. Bergy from New York City, from my fucking 154th street, my family's Irish. I hate fucking Ricans. That's why I moved down here. I hope you're not a fucking Puerto Rican. I see you so always tell me.

I'm happy you're not a Puerto Rican. I'm happy you're not. So that's when John Denver picked me up in the afternoon, like at one o'clock. John Denver. Dog, I got in that fucking Jeep and I couldn't believe it was John fucking Denver. I'm like, oh my God. But there was no cameras. I didn't hug him or nothing.

No picture to tweet and all that bullshit. I know, man. I ran into a, I ran into Mick Fleetwood from Fleetwood Mac at a bagel joint in the valley in Sherman Oaks and he was sitting in there with, I can only assume it was a manager or some business representative in some aspect. But I just walked over to him to go, Mick Fleetwood. He's like, yeah, I got, I just wanted to shake his hand. I couldn't believe I saw Mick Fleetwood just sitting and chilling in this little tiny corner.

Steve Simone bumped into Giza Butler at the Chinese restaurant. Oh yeah. Hey, he said he knew it was Giza. He wanted to say something to him, but he didn't want to bother him. I took up right before I moved here. I took my younger brother to see BB King. Our dad introduced us to BB King and we just became huge BB King fans and he's at Blues Festival at the US Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland.

So we're driving down the two of us borrow. We borrow a friend's Mitsubishi Eclipse and we drive down. What year? This is probably 93. My dad had that eclipse. I think so. I take my brother. This is like right before I move here.

It's going to be a moment, you know, together, my younger brother. So we're in the parking lot of the Naval Academy and we are just cheating Chong in this fucking car. We are blazing the shit out of this thing. It's not our car. I also think it's funny that we're smoking the shit out of this car. It's a friend of ours. We get out and I mean, it's definitely smoky around there.

And we're in such good spirits who walk in. There's a BB King poster like this one right here and it's like seven bucks. I just, I remember thinking, God, that's, that's awfully cheap for a concert poster. And it was him as a young kid. So I buy it and I look at my brother and I'm like, I'm going to get this signed by BB King before we leave the show tonight. We get in, it's Etta James and it's Jay Giles and it's Jimmy Vaughan. And I see where they're coming in and leaving.

So my brother and I go over there and right as BB King is done, he's walking by and he shakes my hand and then I, I'm trying to give him the poster. He keeps going. So I give it to the trumpet player. I'm like, Hey, can you, do you mind getting BB to sign this for me? And he didn't hear me say BB. So he starts signing. I'm like this motherfucker is ruining my poster.

I didn't have a heart to tell him. You know, like I asked, so not you man. I want BB King to sign this motherfucker. So we go outside. My brother's laughing at me and shit. Did you replace the poster? Well, I see one of the band members talking to this chick. He's mackin on this girl and I walk up to him and go, Hey man, look, I just want to

get this fucking thing signed. He's like, just go inside this door right here. There's people waiting to meet BB and just get in line. And I was like, don't, don't, don't, don't rest me or she's like, no, they won't. They will not. They'll just ask you to leave. That's the most that will happen to you. I said, all right, fuck it.

And I just interned at college for radio station. So I knew how to get in there and act like I belong there. And that's exactly what the fuck I did. My brother was scared. He's like, I'm not coming. I said, we'll stay here. So I get in line. I start chatting all these people up like I've been with them all night.

You know what I mean? And I'm standing next to Jimmy Vaughn's dressing room door and BB King had said on stage. It was his birthday the next day. Well, now it's after midnight. So we get in my plan is I'm going to, I'm going to say happy birthday. I'm going to try to be the first one to wish him whatever it was. Happy 83rd birthday. Lady opens the door and he's sitting in there.

And I was like, I was blown away because I'm a huge Hendricks freak. I love Stevie Ray Vaughn. This guy's played with everybody from you two to everybody. So I see him and I'm like, happy birthday, BB. He's like, oh, the first one. I was like, I was all so excited. So he's the nicest dude. He sits and he'll, he won't say no to an autograph.

Well, there's these two white dudes in there that bring in like, I'm not kidding, a hundred albums. And he's signing and he's saying things like, man, you got a lot of stuff here. You know, and I at some point I just felt like he was waiting for someone to speak up. And I just said, man, you got a lot going on up there. And he's like, all right, that's enough people are complaining. And I was like, oh, boom. So he thanked me. He signs my poster and he's got little index card pictures of himself up there.

And I had him just sign one for my younger brother. So I'm back there for, I'm at two of his daughters. I'm hanging out with him talking to him about Hendricks. I'm talking to him about Steve Ray Vaughn and, and then I leave. I'm back there for like an hour. My brother's like, where the fuck were you? Like, he's like, I thought you arrested. I was like, no, man.

I said, look at this. And I opened it up. He's like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. I was like, I told you, I was getting BB King signed this. So we started driving home in the eclipse and we're talking about it and shit. And I'm telling him that story. And then I busted out the little picture. I said, I got that for you right there.

He was so jazzed. He still got it framed up in his house. And right now in Maryland, he must be pissed. He must be pissed. He didn't hang out with BB King. I told him. I was like, all you had to do is follow me, dude. But I met him.

Yeah. It was, it was a good one. I was always scared as a kid to go backstage at all concerts. I always felt intimidated. I was in my twenties. I was, I, yeah. That's what I thought was going to happen. I would never, I never even, the thought never even crossed my mind.

All those concerts I went to. Before I met you, I was, if you were on the local news, I was struck by you. Like if you, like if you were on. I worked at the Framingham AMC and I think a dude from ESPN came out and I almost hit my pants. Like that, like that stuff used to really, I used to get really nervous. You know, I don't think I ever got jazzed up. I got jazzed up when I saw basketball players.

Yeah. When I was a kid, when I saw Bernard King, I almost had a fucking heart attack. I was that way with Eddie Murray from the Orioles, man. Even before Ripken, Eddie was there and we would go to games with my dad and Eddie was just, he was the shit. He was my first like Oriole love and my whole life I've loved Eddie Murray. And just a couple of years ago, I'm flying back to Baltimore out of LAX. I'm on Southwest and I look over and there's Eddie Murray sitting there and I get like,

I don't give a fuck about much. I got excited. I was like, oh my, like the 10 year old me was like, holy shit, that's fucking Eddie Murray. I go to walk over and sit next to him and his dad sits down next to him with his kid. And I'm like, God damn it. Eddie's talking to him for a while and he's on another airline right next to it also going to Baltimore.

Finally that dad leaves and I sit down next to him and quickly like, I'm like, oh, what the fuck am I? What's my opening line to Eddie Murray? Like I didn't really know what to say. And he just looked at me and I looked at myself. What's up 33? And he started laughing and we talked crabs. He loves crabs.

He was going back for the Orioles. They were doing a statue of him and all this shit at the Camden yards. And I just got to sit and talk to him about, I was like, you're my favorite Oreo. He's like, no, I go cows right behind you. But you know, you were there first that you're my first fucking Oreo. I thanked him for everything he did for the city. He was a good dude, man. That one got me excited.

And then I landed Baltimore. I go right to this restaurant to eat crabs and Eddie Murray's pulling out of the parking lot. He just got there before me and had him and bounced. So we were on point with the crab. He was making me fucking hungry with those crabs. You know what happened to me this week and told him about Eddie Murray? I was in my hotel room.

I walked around the mall. You know, sometimes you just put the TV on and you just take your notebook out and you make notes and you scroll a little bit and you watch college football game for three minutes. And it was the beginning of, I mean, I caught it right from the beginning of Beverly Hills Cop. Yeah. And it fucking sucked me in.

And when the kid gets killed and he's outside arguing with the cop and all that, like that movie for me was fucking huge. Like I was watching that. Like I dragged my best. I go, George, you have to come see this movie. I said, well, I got a date. I go, I don't give a fuck. We're going right now.

We walked over the fucking George Washington Bridge and I took him to Harlem Stone to see Beverly Hills Cop. The two biggest movies at that time were Beverly Hills Cop and Rambo. The Beverly Hills Cop was fucking huge. And last week we were talking about movies that stood their time. Beverly Hills Cop. When he goes to a restaurant and he says he wants to talk to the guy, then he goes, I went to the doctor and he said, I got herpes simplex three.

I want to talk to the man before things start falling off him. He fucking, I didn't know if he was a bad motherfucker, but there was a moment there. I had a little nervous breakdown. Like I was like, this was so long. Like this movie was the beginning of my freedom. Like I went to see this movie and I left Jersey a month later. Like this was, this got me, this movie for some reason or another, whether I didn't know I didn't know I was going into the comedy business, but for some reason watching that

movie gave me a little bit of hope. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't even know if you understand what the fuck I'm saying. I understand. Yeah. Maybe it was just, I don't know. It just gave me.

What about it? What? What about it gave you hope? Well, the fucking scene where the friend gets killed, that was me. In those days, I was your best friend. I disappear when I come back to say, Hey man, what's happening? Oh yeah, let me take you out for dinner. Let me stay with you for two days.

Okay. There was always a, by the way, there was always a, by the way, I had just robbed somebody. I got somebody's coke. That coke is snort with me having a good time at three in the morning. I go, listen, I gotta tell you a story. Yeah. And now you're in there. You are sitting.

I mean, you're living room. You just did an ounce of my coke that we just robbed from Pete the killer. And here you are sitting at going dropping this on me now at three in the morning. So I'm an accessory right now. Somebody can kick my door right now and shoot you. That was me. That was me. That was who I was.

Can I use the restroom? Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Do what you gotta do. In fact, put on some fucking Tony Bennett cocksucker. What happened? You drank water and soda? Staying on.

Oh yeah, you gotta stay dry. Dry? Where the fuck the word is? Kick it up for you little Tony Bennett and shit. It's Monday morning. You bad motherfuckers. Grab your balls. It's gonna be a good week.

Halloween's next week. I wanna be around to pick up the pieces. When somebody breaks your heart. Some somebody twice as smart. You wanna go to Salami Amal? Let me know when you shoot. I'll go Tuesday. Get your gear.

Salami will teach you some good stuff. I gotta shit to do them all. What do you gotta do to them all? You know what I gotta do. Don't fuck with me. What do you gotta do to them all? What's with the questions? There's no questions.

You always gotta tell me you gotta shit to do them all. What do you gotta do to them all? I'm trying to work on this special, man. I'm trying to make it harder when we do 3PM podcast and get stoned out of our minds and then we want to do two hour due dates as earlier. Is that what you're trying to fucking tell me, cocksucker? How was your weekend? You had a good weekend?

I had a great weekend. And today you went to sushi with Paula. Yeah, to celebrate. And would you eat the mussels? No, I don't really like mussels. Did she eat the mussels? No, we've got a couple rolls, got a bunch of tuna sushi. I haven't had sushi before.

It was 28, I think, because it's all you can eat. 28 a piece to give you an hour. They make sure you eat the rice. They don't want no problems. They really watch you. Do they really? Those Japanese people don't fuck around. I was there two weeks ago, three weeks ago.

It's pretty good. I went in there one day. It's okay. You can get sick in there. They bought a line. They give you the fish that's just about to go bad the next day. You eat it just after. I don't get weird stuff, man.

I get like shrimp and tuna. I keep it light too. The salmon, the salmon is what I like. I always got to get salmon, right? I judge a place by its salmon. And the salmon there, they do something to it. It's not bad. I didn't get sick.

Is it lost? I don't know what the fuck's going on. Who's out there? These people fucking, they got to pee and shit. Come on in here. It's not sucking. It smells good. That candle works.

The what? That's a great candle. It's funny. I thought about you the other day, Joe, because you used to say you would get sushi when you were trying to eat healthy, even when you were like really big, like 415. And right before we were going to do the acid, I was like, I should get sushi to be healthy for it. I'm going to do acid.

That was in the back of my mind. If I ate fish the next day and drank water, I was healthy. My system was clean of the cocaine. You know what I'm saying? It's fucking over. I retired. That's what I got out of the acid trip. I'll tell you, the acid trip was fun last week.

It giggled. I don't think I want to do it again. I'm going to tell you why. When I went home that night, I'm sitting there in the chair, and I'm eating. I got home and there's a Cuban steak sandwich, and I inhaled that motherfucker cold. Not even the microwave. The bread was harder than fuck. Just to kill the acid.

Just to, you know. Will filling your stomach up that old? Sometimes. Yeah. Well, we also had like four or five stars. We also had edible. So I was starving. Yeah.

We went 500, 600 milligrams deep, but he had a bullet in the fucking head of acid. You got to eat something to tame it down. I don't think I could have taken the acid all at one shot. So I'm sitting there, man. I got to tell you what dawned on me. If you go to my house and you sit down, there's a, you know, the TV's there and shit. There's a desk and the stupid shit. But there's a picture that sticks out in that wall.

It's a picture of the baby. It's like a wanted picture. She was pissed. She didn't really want to fucking take the picture and just something about her face every night when I'm watching TV, it just catches me and I shake my head. Like, I can't believe that's my fucking dog. Every fucking night I try to watch TV and sometimes I go out on the balcony and I get high and I'm just trying to sit down.

You know, I drink a cup of coffee or something just to calm me down and every eight minutes I'll look at that fucking picture and I started looking at that picture. I'm like Jesus Christ. I can't believe I did acid tonight. You know, I goof around with Lee. I love Lee to death. You know, I always call Lee. I go, Lee, I got heroin tonight.

I got opium. I got fucking gorilla biscuits. You know what that one is. Lee will call me fucking. I'm going to Uber and I got nothing but edibles. You know, but I'm just torturing. Well, but then that hash, you said we had opium that night and I had no idea what that, because that hash was different than the regular hash.

Oh yeah, I showed. But you know, I got the one-eyed Jew dog. This motherfucker works with Isis. We think he's smoking. You think he's smoking regular shit? He's smoking fucking the shit that's set the government off. So anyway, it's really weird. Like I took up with all this craze.

Like I'm very thankful we did not do too. It's acid off the back last week. I'm telling you right now, that acid, we would have been fucked up till Tuesday. When Ari laid on the floor, there was just different things. That acid was really good. I want to thank what's his name. He knows what his name is. You know, I love you.

That acid was really fucking strong. For me, it was. It had been years. There was a point here for two hours. I was gone. When you say gone, tell me, where are you? Gone? Yeah, like.

The giggles had taken over. Okay. I was baseline. I was borderline. I was seeing little things. I wasn't seeing. Are you present mentally? Can you have a conversation?

Oh yeah, he's good. But you're just laughing your ass off. Yeah. I'm very experienced in that shit because I know you could tame it. You could tame it. Unless they look at you and your eyes are pinned, they won't know. And you have to know how to juggle people. Get them out of the way and then look at that person that you're with that trip.

The whole thing about the acid is the four or five people you're with. And you set them loose in the bar and that's where the fun time is. And everybody gets their bag on. And then you all connect. They got a three when the bar closes. Oh my God. And you go eat. Don't be sitting there going, oh yeah, this acid wore off.

Yeah. Yeah. This acid wore off because it plays with your emotions. And next, you know, you're laughing at the fucking waitress uncle. The cheeseburg is funny. The French fries look funny. Cook's wearing a fucking French hat. Like everything that could happen.

Everything that could happen is like, I can't believe this is fucking happening. I cannot believe this. And that's what Ari should do next time is get nine guys, give them a hit of acid and set them loose for cameras. And they got to talk about this is not happening. This is not really fucking happening. So I went home and I'll tell you what I thought about and you're going to relate to this. My dad died.

One of the things I never really talk about him at all. He's like a forgotten soldier in my life. I think about him because I do not remember him. I remember stories. And in my mind as a situation, I remember I was driving with him in the car. How were you when he passed three? Oh, yeah. So I don't remember this fucking guy.

And it drove me crazy. My mom said for years, every time the door would open, I would look at the door and she would feel really bad inside and stuff. She was like, it was like he was coming home and I couldn't describe it to you. When you're three, you can't explain to somebody that somebody's fucking dead. She goes, I tried to break it into, you know, he had gone through the stars, you know, he had gone to God's house, LCLO as they call it, whatever the fuck it is. So it always fucked with me, you know, and I always thought about one thing.

Like for years, I was mad at him because his death was drug related. And I always said to myself, what was he thinking? What was he thinking? This is what I was thinking on this fucking acid trip at 1.30 in the morning. I got TV on, but I'm not really watching the TV. Your daughter's picture took you there first, right? Took me there first. I'm thinking about like how the podcast is doing well now.

You know, we're all having a great time. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, we smoke pot. Yeah, we eat edibles. Who gets a fuck talk? You fucking wake up, you do 10 x 10 jumping jacks. You have an egg and the edibles gone. You know what I'm saying?

Nobody gets hurt. Nobody gets up in the morning and calls you and say, Joe, I need 10 models. Edibles right away. Yeah, right. Nobody, nobody, nobody. You know, you do blow with somebody till six in the morning. They wake up. That coke is good.

They'll call you and go, I'm coming over there right now. You're like, wow, how fucking crazy is this guy woke up and this is what was on his mind already. That was bizarre. I never wanted to be that guy, but I'm sitting there going, you know, me and Lee fuck around. I taught you Lee and it would be fun to do a line of Chinese heroin. It would really be fun to come here on Sunday night and get a little brown, little chunk of heroin and just do a little taste.

Doing heroin. You know, listen, Lee, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Good family at this point. I had the right one. But what's going on in our lives right now? This is when you die. It's like Linn bias.

He got drafted. Oh, you're breaking my heart. He was a fucking Boston Celtic. He sure was. And all of a sudden he's fucking dead and you sit there and go, this is a shameless debt. Even that acid, the other night that acid was fucking strong, Jack. I get in the fucking car. I make a left turn.

I get caught in somebody's headlight. That's what happens with acid. You get caught in somebody's headlight and also you're hitting a fucking tree. We need that in our lives right now. We're having a great time right now in our lives. I'd love to do NDMA and all that shit and do it on the show again. You know, that was crazy, the acid last week. And that's what came to my mind.

Like if I did an acid, what if I did two of those that night and my heart fucking, I had a heart attack in my sleep, like Rowdy Rowdy Piper, because I'll fucking go to sleep and your heart keeps fucking beating. I've done acid and all these people. I could drink 20 Red Bulls and go to bed. And I could feel my heart pounding as I'm falling asleep. I could feel it pounding. I've done it a thousand times on cocaine and shit like that.

You know, I would hate not to wake up and for somebody to say, Lee, what the fuck were you guys thinking last night? How can he's an old man, Joe Diaz? How can you do acid? I've done Lee's conscience. You know what? I'm good. I'm good with the weed and I'm good with the fucking edible.

That's me. I'm good. I'm good. I'm really good. This is what's always scared me. You know, I'm from Maryland and I remember I was on my way to the dentist with my father when we were listening to the radio and they announced Lembias was dead from cocaine overdose. And we were just like, I'm still blown away by that.

I'm still blown away by that. That was like stuff like that. And also we have a cousin who's a paranoid schizophrenic. This guy is, you know, admittedly done every drug that there could be done since he's been like 16, dude. He's, I'll tell you something. And that's the other thing that they always, well, in the shower tonight, I was thinking about when I was a kid.

And when you first like thought about doing acid, like you went to some neighborhood guy that was a little fucked up. So tell me about acid. I was like, oh, the trip. It's like a deli, the Hindus, Jimmy Page, this and this. But then he goes, you know, at one point when he threw a hit of acid, you don't come back. That's what I need in my life. Like Sid Barrett to take a hit of acid.

That's exactly my cousin. And it throws my, yeah. That's what happens. Are you just stay like high on acid? You just don't come back. You don't come back. He was a great lacrosse player. He was being looked at by Hopkins.

He was an athlete. He was a black belt and karate spill to put his foot through a watermelon. And he kept taking acid and he never came back from it. He didn't. And he'll, he's, he used to put his foot through a watermelon, man. He was, he's bad at fucking deep on some acid. You could go really, let me tell you where he is now. Now.

And so him and then Lembias and shit like that's always the reason I was always like, I feel like I'm a candidate for first time use. If it really was their first time use dead that fucking night. But my cousin now, I shouldn't laugh bit, but we used to fuck with him a little bit. Cause we'd go over and see him at Christmas. Me, both my brothers and then my three cousins who were his kids. We go to my aunts in Highland town in Baltimore city. And then we would take him like a plate of food and we get over there and we would be smoking and drinking and stuff.

And then he would call on our ride back and rat us out and say this kids were over here smoking and, and you know, drinking and smoking weed. She were like this motherfucker. So we get back at our grandmother and her sister, you know, yelling at us and all we always would say you were, you don't believe a paranoid schizophrenic over us. Like we were not fucking doing that shit. So then we go back over like, look motherfucker, if you ever want to eat again, you don't rat us out. And I used to go spend time with him and he would swear that doctors were coming in at night and dropping liquid acid in his ears and then taking skin grafts and stuff from him. So he would nail his windows shut, but still somehow they would get in and he would have poetry and shit written all over the walls because he said when these doctors would come in and drop liquid acid in his ears, it would knock him out. And then they would leave and he'd still be out for a while and the love of his life would show up and because he couldn't be conscious to tell her what he wanted to tell her.

He wrote this stuff up on the walls for her. So that's what I mean by never coming back. Come back. I can't have you. You gave me this stuff. Sure. Why not? Yeah. Take a chance.

That's not coming back, man. Sometimes you don't come back. You do three fucking hits. You go home by yourself. The lights don't work. You're sitting in the dark. You see the fucking devil. You see the devil.

That's what we talk about. Seeing the devil. I went to his house one time when he was, I don't know what he was on, but he had the television on, volume down, radio on, volume up. And I sat there for a while and all of a sudden it synced up and I got scared and I was like, I felt like crazy. It was, you know, contagious. It was jumping on me and I got the fuck out of there when it made sense. When that radio synced up with that TV, you know, like the Wizard of Oz pink Floyd thing. We just watched that last night with the kids.

You ever, you ever do that? No. So the second MGM line and it fucking syncs up incredibly. But whether that's a huge coincidence or supposed to is one thing. But when it does, if that's an accident and you're watching that on any kind of fucking drug, to me, I was like, I got the fuck out of here. I think I'm getting crazy in this little goddamn apartment. I love dog. I love dog.

I remember watching The Exorcist on the THC Crystal in the dark with Black Sabbath, Master Reality and almost going, I'm going to, I'm going to hell. This is as dark as it fucking gets. I never really, like I said, I never really had a bad trip. I laughed. That's what I wanted to ask you. What's the worst trip you've ever had? I'll tell you guys, and this is us talking and the people listening to the podcast.

I ain't right. I ain't right. I ain't right mentally. That's what makes me fucking nuts. That's what makes me half the reason why I got this is because I did acid for a year and a half straight after my mom. Oh, I did it. What do you mean? Daily?

I did it daily. Daily. How many hits a day? You see how I eat edibles? I had my acid tolerance up to like my edible tolerance. Are you serious? I was going to fucking Pennsylvania and buying a hundred hits for 90 bucks and selling them for three bucks a piece. I got up to the point I was doing four or five hundred fucking hits a week plus black beauties.

Four hundred? Four. Not me eating, selling them, selling them, selling them. Oh, okay. I would go every day in the afternoon. Like I would just eat them at night and then we started eating two at night, you know, and then you started eating three at night. And one afternoon you're like, let's play hooky and let's eat one at lunchtime. And then you eat two at lunchtime and you get fucking by four o'clock when you're 16.

And I went on that for a while. Just after my mom died, I went on that black Sabbath, you know, that whole thing. And that was what we were doing. We were just doing acid. It was the cross between cocaine. Cocaine was showing up, but we were still holding daily the acid because it was three fucking bucks. I loved it. I did it for probably two years straight, man.

Damn. That was the place when I was really dark. You know, it's when my mom died. So at that point, I really didn't care. I didn't want to feel fucking normal. So I just did acid. And I thought if I would do acid and listen to black Sabbath at night with the earphones on, I would listen to sides and I would cure whatever was going on with me. It was the weirdest thing.

That was my psychiatry. I was doing to it to acid and listen to fucking Aerosmith fucking rocks and Aerosmith twi, kings and queens. That was my fucking therapy. So that's why I'm fucked up partly because that's why I do stand up. There's got to be some connection there if they go into my mind. But who wants to do that? Mind your business. You want to go fucking with electrodes and shit.

I do what I do because I do it right or wrong. Who gives a fuck? Ten hits acid. I don't know. I never fucking crew somebody off a building. You know, I never did nothing violent and stupid like that. Or to yourself? No, no, no, no.

That's not my fucking game, man. That's not even my deal. I mean, that's a lot of acid to do to never have a bad trip, too. I know people have done it four times in one of the usually the last ones, the one they stopped because it wasn't a good time. Well, can you have a good trip and still have moments where are better than are bad? I didn't have a bad trip, but I sometimes I got too high. Sometimes it gets away from you. That's what it's called.

Is that what it's called? It's called getting away from you. You know, when you do very strong acid, let me tell you what happens. When you do a very strong acid, we're having a conversation right now, right? And all of a sudden, as you're talking to me, your mind goes somewhere else, but you're going to focus on that Clint Eastwood and his mouth's going to start moving. He's not going to say nothing. You're not going to jump. You're not going to run and tell him.

You're just going to look at it and suck it in. That means it's getting away from you. Then you take some breath, you realize where you're at. You pick up that joint, you take a hit off that joint, you put it back and it calms you down a little bit. That's what I was saying to you. You know, it does get away from you. There was one night in particular where I had a, not a bad trip, but it was one of the nights that I kind of blacked out on acid. I was a freshman in high school.

Oh, God. And my scene, my high school had won the state championship and they played at the medal hymns. Football? Football. Wait, what's the high school? The high school I texted you the picture of. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

And on the way back, I went to where the acid neighborhood was. Joe Lucci's neighbor with their 64th street field. I don't know. Hey Joe. What's up Joe Lucci? Look, Joe Lucci had a bar next to Venere's Pinot Parli. We were kids. Listen, Joe Lucci sold it and moved to Orlando, Florida.

But it bothered. Dude, that sounds crooked. It just sounds crooked. Oh, this is tremendous. Joe Lucci was a tremendous kid. Joe Lucci and me shared the same birthday. So he used to call me Cocoa Bud. If you wanted to get down, like, you know, what's that line that he says ever clapping?

If you want to get down, get down to the ground cocaine. Okay. If you wanted to stick around with people like Joe Lucci was Joe Lucci. Like when you got acid from, you know, Brian Sickler. Okay. Yeah. Oh, it's red dragon acid. But that same acid was sold by Joe Lucci.

That was fucking highly recommended. Like Joe Lucci didn't fuck around. If Joe Lucci had a party and you were invited to that party, you were a professional. You could not go to Joe Lucci's party and get drunk on three beers. You could not go to Joe Lucci's party. You went to Joe Lucci's party. You went to Joe Lucci's party because you knew you were doing blow. You were doing coke.

You were doing whatever was there. This is that these were the nuts. This was 64th Street Field. You know, Timmy Holloway is listening. I'll have him call in next week. This was it. There was Kennedy School. There was McKinney School.

There was Franklin School. There was fucking Robert Fulton. There was Horace Mann. There was the one in Guttenberg. Everybody had their reputations. Every school had different reputations. They're up there. Their drink is up there.

That's a big football school. 64th Street Field had the reputation that when you went down there, you went down to get down. You didn't get down to the fuck around at all. It was called the rocks. They had the rocks down there. You went down to the fucking rocks. What does that mean? When you went to a concert in New York City, you saw different neighbors getting represented.

Like if you went to see Black Sabbath, you'd see like Kennedy School had three or four people from Kennedy School. McKinney had three people. Franklin had three people. But the rocks sent 20 motherfuckers deep fucking with fucking radios and fucking Black Sabbath T-shirts and running down the streets of New York and yelling. They were the fucking crazy kids in North Bergen. So when you went to fucking a Joe Lucci event, like I fucking passed out of the Joe Lucci party. I was God after that.

Like when you passed out of the Joe Lucci party, you're God after that. I had blow in my pocket. I was eating kway lutes. I got there like a tree. I like to say eating nothing. Oh my God. I was eating fucking kway lutes. I was drinking those nips, those eight ounce bottles of Budweiser.

You know, I couldn't eat you. The ponies. What happens is when you do blow and you drink, you drink a lot. But once you eat the gorilla biscuit, it slows you down. What's a gorilla biscuit? The kway lute. Oh, okay. So the alcohol catches up with you.

So now the alcohol hits you double. So I passed out at Lucci's. I turned green. They were going to drag me out. That's like speedball. I fucked up. I got really fucked up on a Joe Lucci thing. But anytime you party at a Lucci event, you knew you had it going on.

Like that was it. You were professional. They wouldn't have you over there. You were rinky. I'm drunk. I'm gluten free now. You couldn't shut. When you went to Joe Lucci, you were in.

Whatever they were serving, there was no holding back. He had broads over there. It was a great place to grow up. And his father had a bar. So when we were kids, we were hands off the bar. But then as we got older, we'd go into the bar. And he took over the bar when the bar, when cocaine was huge. So it was electric.

And he had a back room. And on Saturday nights, if you knew certain people, at any time of the night, you could go around the back and knock on the door. And somebody would answer their being there fucking getting down. And the dude who took me in after John Bender was a guy by the name of Mike Runny. And he used to smoke Marlboro lights. But him and his three brothers, the whole family has a thing. Then when they do a line of coke, you've never seen anything like that.

They're jaw goes. It's cut with speech. No, no, no, no. When I was a kid, there was a guy by the name of Jack Finn, who was an Irish dude from Wealkin, that worked at Rendell Lumber with me. And that was the first time ever I saw somebody twitch when they do coke. And I was like, I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. The first time ever I saw somebody twitch when they do coke. And he just moved his hands. That's how you knew he was doing coke. He would do this shit in front of you, Lee. Yes, how are you doing?

Everything all right with you? You're like, what is wrong with this fucking hand? And he would twitch. That's the first guy I ever seen do it. You know who else I saw do a twitch? My mom. When I was a kid, my mom would twitch at the end of the night. Her hand would do something funny.

She did this. She did this. She is gold. So I knew that mannerisms. Do you ever twitch? I all year. twitch my face would go but I never saw I saw then I saw who else I saw that that the guy twitching but then Mike Ronnie came along Mike Mike Ronnie's

like my brother we we had him call into the podcast he told the story about throwing a hooker out of the car so Mike Ronnie's weakness like running was that as soon as he do a line of coke his fucking jaw go I mean embarrassing girl like if it like it was and he tried to talk he tried to fight and stop shit too and then you look at he put a cigarette in his mouth to try to disguise it and he'd be chomping on this and he look at you is my drug go and you tell now you're fine don't worry about me while teeth and blood are just coming out of his mouth I remember one of my friend goes this I'm

having a party but my kids are gonna be there in my family no coke until they leave I'll never forget this is this is this is September of 93 I'm having a party I want everybody to show up and listen no coke till 10 o'clock 10 30 to my family leaves I go nope you know me dog I don't need to do shit open bar fucking tremendous food and go with cliffs looking over to a George Washington Bridge we all get there Mike Ronnie gets there he's watching this fucking TV set you know like everybody's in a circle but I see Mike all the way on the other side of the room by himself watching the TV set and I woke up to him he's got a

cigarette in his mouth and he's fucking grinding I go Mike for near he said not to do any shit to his family that he looks at me goes I didn't do nothing but this particular night luches I'll never forget this particular night luches and Timmy was there I think somebody said they went and the power went and that they didn't know what was going on but all of a sudden they looked and they saw a cigarette going from side to side in the dark so they used to call him the conductor because it's fucking I never saw my fucking hysterical fucking hysterical so I don't you know like my point is that all this drug talk is I

just don't I don't want to drive from drugs I never wanted to die from drugs for years I didn't you know I thought when you're doing drugs you think you're invincible Jesus Christ I don't listen things happen in life I don't want somebody finding me on the floor because I took three hits ass and had a heart attack on the middle of fucking night you know you're sitting there you get sucked into a dream your heart's beating sometimes you're going to a wild dream you're getting chased by devils and shit your heart beats Lee don't say that I have that now yeah what we're gonna do is we're gonna get two hits away to a

friend I'm gonna keep three just for us one night before the years or we'll come here we'll split a hit and a half just mean you and we like you just said you're glad we didn't take more than one and there's a fuck you know every once when you got to contradict yourself that's what makes you who the fuck you are but yeah but Joe's luci's neighborhood that's where you went to get down though those guys got down I've been thinking a lot about that neighbor the last couple weeks because a friend of mine died I remember taking a hit of acid and going down the shore in a bus with this kid named Randy Mirgal who

was white and tougher than fucking nails tougher than nails on this kid the Agostino who wasn't as tough as nails but he just was crazy and he had a boom box and we were listening the highway the hell on the radio on the cassette deck and the bus driver had kept pulling over yelling pull that fucking thing down and we're tripping on fucking acid and that's the closest I ever came to death because we took another hit of acid and we all decided to meet on the water slide and seaside at midnight a turned off water slide at amusement park it's open took four in the morning oh shit okay so what did so you're not breaking into an

amusing no no so what you do is you do whatever you do like I'd say Ryan what are you gonna do tonight I'm gonna meet some chicken have some cocktails I go right come here take this at a acid meet the girls are you gonna fuck them not another just friends of my sister all right perfect go hang out with them but meet us back here at midnight you know how much fun that is when you have something to do when you're burning when you're cooking and you have something to do then it's great because even if we take the acid eight at midnight we're gonna meet 12 fucking gorillas and you know let our head down you know I'm

but I'm happy don't do it I don't listen like I said I just I don't want to let you know your heart only has enough beats your heart when God makes you he's like this guy's gonna have 82 million fucking beats do the math however you get there is your decision whether you want to blow and get there or you want to do jumping jacks you want to eat ass that's your fucking decision whatever the fuck you want to do leave you're gonna sit there and just like a mode to let what's going on with you what everybody's conversing here yeah you're fucking sitting there like a mook on a fucking string what's going on I never did coke

I don't know oh my god I have no idea what we're talking about let me give some shout outs Jonathan Hernandez Jesse Wright Alex Besson JT you know I love you cocksucker Scott ghosting Colton D'Amol K Ron Conlon and the other voices there you have it motherfuckers a little shot out there for you it's not about the coke I'm just saying anything in general man you know you do a little fucking ecstasy you don't know what's gonna happen now ecstasy is the one that's mixed of heroin and MDMA is the one that's just straight I believe so I don't think I can see as heroin in it yeah I mean it's mixed it's mixed it's cut with a

lot of different shit I'm sure opiates for sure in there heroin opium I like any of I had I remember I was going to get a prescription for a refill of Percocet I have a tear in one of my discs in my back and doctor like you need to take it and it makes me itch like a crack head you know I start sweating I throw up from it like I really I need to snap men half and that usually is enough to kill the pain and not make me sick so I'm in there for a refill and I smoked up and I went into writing and I'm standing in line and I'm not thinking about it but I'm standing there and all these people in line I got

my hand up my shirt and I'm just crazy digging my chest and I don't realize everyone in a drugstore fucking prescription line I'm just going nuts on and they're all turn around looking at me it didn't dawn on me what I was doing until about the third person was you know looking back like this guy have a fucking problem that we're in line with right now have you ever encountered that I was at a like a right-aid in Van Nuys and this dude was trying to get them to needles and they wouldn't do it and he kept saying he kept like yelling at them and and how the government took everything away from him and they just

give them the needles he called the doctor and they just wouldn't give it to him why would they they're supposed to give you needles for free syringes for free you know maybe wasn't on prescription though sorry not yeah he's crying for a fucking prescription because the doctor yeah pain yeah listen man that shit's you get addicted on those things you're fucking done you know and everybody knows that shit we've been hearing it for years like anything else it's like fucking anything else man Josh Adam Myers told me one time that he went into a right-aid with a fake script to get some perk is said to whatever

when he came back the fuck the fucking farmers just called him up to the front and as brought him up and he said because you know Josh wrote a fake name on it and the get the pharmacist called him out front everybody said this man right here used a fake prescription to get pills if I ever see you in here again mr. oral her shizer I will have you arrested that the motherfucker used or her shizer in Los Angeles as his name he thought he'd get away with that shit it's ridiculous well I see a dick that's what I'm gonna say that's the addiction it's not even Josh Adam Myers a lot smarter than that it's the fucking addiction

I take you over the fucking top I was a fake prescription guy I used to get scripts for some from everything when I was younger so all I had to do was ask the guy and bring him again grandma coke and then you would get whatever I want pills don't have the same effect on you what's that pills don't have the same effect on you as coke and I don't know I like a valium I just don't like waking up groggy there's nothing that bothers me more I'm with them waking up groggy I could eat fucking 300 milligrams of THC and wake up feeling like I fucking got a massage tonight before never mind you eat hash you eat a

piece of hash before you go to bed you see what you feel like in the morning you feel like you've been stepped on all night you feel like you're fucking gumby in the morning yeah I don't like too heavy it's but but if you eat it it does something to your body man yeah it's fucking amazing I'll take I'll tell you what kills me those time on p.m. oh god you wake up feeling like dick in the morning feeling like something synthetic which is a horrible feeling and unless you've been a junkie you know that I've never been a junkie but I've been a junkie I know what it's like when something doesn't feel right something

that like Cody I was never a Cody any of that shit makes some guy yeah it makes my stomach right up I get dizzy give them to people I got a little bit of addicted to the toddler on p.m. is my first semester of college and what did you feel like in the morning I slept but I slept till two I felt okay if I got that much sleep if I could sleep till two if I like a late night I sleep 12 hours but then the thing is I couldn't sleep without it and I I couldn't not sleep in school so I had to I like waited until I had a long weekend or something to get off of them and get back on the sleep schedule like if I

didn't take them for a while I would just wouldn't sleep so I can't like that that's why I love doing these animals no I don't I can't see feeling that shitty in the morning my friend gave me point five valium's and he's right when he gets home there's nights I'm gonna do comedy I'm gonna leave like last night I had to leave in the middle of night I slept for fucking hours last night when I was leaving Minneapolis so yesterday in the afternoon after breakfast about 11 I pop a point five I watched Saturday whatever the fuck I was telling you guys and at the point that they went to the guy's house to get the girl back I shut

it off Belly Hills cop I shut it off I took a two and a half hour little fucking CS I woke up I put a little coffee together in my room I drank a cup of coffee I wrote a little bit and then I went lifted fucking waits for an hour that two hours of that little nap that thing saves me a fucking ton of I went to my room last night when I got off stage not even when I fucking I ate my little point five valium before I even got paid last night I put my check in my pocket I took pictures of people I went to my room last night I drank some water I was already packed I shut the lights off at 12 30 next day I know my phone was

ringing I was five in the fucking morning that's how I wrote man I love those little fucking things but I won't get hooked on them I slept this afternoon without them you know I'll space them out I'll eat them on the road when I'm home I don't need shit because I'm working out a little bit more I'm walking a little bit more so I'm more fucking tired I'm talking for this fucking dinook on the phone what's the matter with you Lee nothing you're fucked up today what's the matter you don't we didn't give you nothing at least telling the truth I'm good man this is sitting me hard it's hitting

you know what do you got going on Tarzan so you doing the podcast again as your partner back yeah he just had a baby girl his second baby and we're back to recording now yep the crab feast he could check us out on all things comedy and iTunes and the crab feast calm and you go on the road a lot of no not a lot no but I'm I'll be in st. Louis actually go to Ryan sickler calm my dates on there I think it's Friday the 6th something like that I'm at the I'm in a place called Jesus Christ Christ it's blueberry hill blueberry hill I'm down at blueberry hill Friday it's my headline in that show and there's a

couple local guys are gonna be up on the bill too and what's blueberry hill a bar yeah it's a bar down in like the square I think down in st. Louis you've been in st. Louis I've been there before what I'm there in February at helium they're opening up there oh yeah I think it's open already you might as well go to fucking helium telling you fucking I'm in town to do a benefit show Saturday and I I always like to get in town early and do my own show before I go do that because I can't you know I got to do 20 minutes clean material I can't do what I want to do Friday night how many kids you got to how old my stepson is 12 and

my daughter just turned one few days and how's the stepson working with you you awesome yeah we're tight and he loves his little sister she loves him yeah we're good you know he's he's a typical I I don't have any trouble with him outside of him being a typical 12 year old boy who's you know seventh grade starting to come into his own and think he's the shit does he have a relationship with his dad he has a relationship with his dad but his dad it doesn't see him much maybe once or twice a month and it's a Saturday and bring him back Sunday or usually takes him out to his his parents his grandparents who I actually have a

relationship with I'll go drop him off up there but I'm every day in the house you know I'm the dad you know it's like a couple months ago I was really adamant about connecting with my daughter now we talked about this I remember and the more I think about it it's like I'm done I'm out I really I just heard different things from different people and I've never wanted to be that guy like I didn't want to show up and ask men and knock on the door and tell her whatever the fuck I got to tell her and then a year from now she catches me one day when I'm in a half a mood and I tell her exactly what I feel and I don't know

I just these are the reasons why the it's a fucking horror story getting divorced in this country it's a fucking it is I know so many people going through it you know especially here in California it's a no-fault state and if you're married for 10 years then you owe alimony for life 10 years for life so you can move in like let's say let's say you're a woman you're the breadwinner and your husband cheats on you and you get a divorce you owe him alimony and he can have another woman move in your house and as long as he doesn't marry her you still got to pay his ass alimony it's so fucking crooked it's so wrong but

it is a harsh that's a third of it you're right about that what happens with the kids and the parents detachment is something that had me fucked up for years I can't lie to anybody really really had me snorting whatever excuse I wanted to make I'm not that type of guy that I'd be crying but just the pain of it just you know I had a child snatch from me snatched however it was done it was done legally illegally I fed into it and then I bought into it you know and I bought into the notion that I was just interfering I know what it's like to have an interference they were trying to put a family together you know I was

somebody who had at five o'clock they had to stop what they were doing to come meet me to come pick up their child and then know what the fuck they were gonna expect and then every other Sunday and then there was my situation so what do I do here I'm I'm this fucking crazy coke guy that's trying to become a comedian and on Wednesdays from two to five I stopped my life from two to seven and I have this five-year-old girl which I know nothing about raising a five-year-old girl except that you give them love and you spoil them and you tell them you love them or whatever and I was doing that wrong according to them you know I'm

saying so I felt like I was just interfering I wanted to be a part of her life not some guy that showed up two days a fucking week and had no say at all in her life that's just an interference that's a fucking uncle that's a fucking uncle you know I'm saying I didn't want to go down as that fucking uncle and now I think about and I go what do I gain what do I gain now what do I gain what do I contact here what do I gain what the fuck do I gain I gain nothing I gain what the face what do I gain what are you looking for I'm not looking for anything I don't know what I'm looking for anyway I mean if

she contacted me do I love her to death yeah do I want the best for her yes but what can I do at this point I know guys how old is she she's 25 26 and listen I'm not retarded I'm not I'm not a genius but I know at some point I gotta tell him my story I don't want to tell my story I don't want to tell my story I don't think it's necessary for her to know it I don't I don't want it to go out that way when I write the book I'm gonna put a chapter in there about what happened my opinion of what happened you know that's my side of what happened and what I felt at the time what was happening you know I didn't give up a comment I don't

give up easily I don't give up easily but I knew in that relationship and that part of my life I was going nowhere I was gonna have a child 10 hours every other week guys 10 hours every other week that's nothing that's what those people I visit you when you don't have a dad a big brother that's what the fuck I was a fucking big brother that's what I wanted to be a big fucking brother with no say and people telling me I was always wrong and I was you know but couldn't it also be great like there has to be a possibility there was no possibility at that time no not then but I'm saying now like if you continue with it I think when you're ready to hear her story you'll be ready to tell your story

that's that if and when that happens that's one it'll be I got a bad story that's all it can be yeah I got a bad story right and I I'm not talking about her past excuse me her past story I'm talking about her current and future story like if you're ready to hear that if and then you'll be ready to share yours because that's the only way you're going to be able to get that you know what I'm saying I mean you keep talking you've mentioned it a couple of times I know you're there's something in you as curious about it yeah I mean I don't mean to be rude and I hope this doesn't come off poorly but both of you have parents who passed away like don't like don't you think like her even though she's going to be really mad at you

don't you think she's like when you guys have wanted like even though you might have been mad at your mother for dying early when you've wanted her to come back like it just seems like it could be pretty awesome I just leave there's so much fucking shit listen she's a 25 year old kid all right I had a great relationship with her up to a point and then I had to live my life I had I had to find out who the fuck and what I was going to do with my life I couldn't sit there and be this person I really wasn't I was doing blow four nights a week I was living off returns I was living off returns I was living like a fucking pimping three meals a day out living on returns bringing back express on machines carpets and car loan mo is whatever I could walk

into the fucking customer service with I picked it up a toaster whatever the fuck it was sandals whatever the fuck got me a hundred bucks for the day and I had 19 more to choose from from Wyoming all the way up to Denver and I'd start all over again you know that that that's how I was making a living I was if I wasn't doing that I was working at the sports betting service which I was getting high four nights a fucking week that's I was doing my money I couldn't have been a dad in reality I couldn't have been a dad to myself I was sleeping two hours a fucking day I would get around Wednesdays and have to get Chinese food on the arm you know that Chinese Ron yeah no that's before Ron the after Ron the other guy there was just

a thousand stories but there was love there and I was trying to do something I was trying to do something you know I'm saying I was never going to get the chance to fucking accomplish it not by there not with their fucking eyebrow beatings we were going to be in court once a month you know what what it cost you to go to court once a month yeah three four thousand fucking dollars that's the biggest racket right come on guys I was getting killed here dragging that shit so I don't want to tell my story she's going to come with a story she's going to tell me why she hasn't contacted me there's a reason why she hasn't raised her hand there's a reason guys okay something was told that there's a reason why she's not raising the hand and it was told to her by a mother and

her grandfather I know how this racket works so and I don't want to go back and forth with nobody not at this age I got a second chance I got a second chance I'm going to go back and try to fucking redo history listen I got a thousand question marks in my life I would love to go back for a week to New York City and go to Weehaw County Union City and find out the name of my mom's businesses and what name of a license she got on and you know what was left over the reason why she sold all that stuff I would love to have time to fucking find all that shit out but what would I do what I'm living right now what would I do I got a thousand things on my plate right now I just can't put them away because I want to dig up a fucking cold case from 1993 yeah yeah inspector

yeah I want to find out what the fuck happened there where were you thinking you know I reach out to people from time to time man and I gotta tell you it hurts my feelings they don't even contact me back you know I'm a big believer in therapy I've gone to therapy quite often and one of the things that I learned and I you know I don't have a relationship with my mother and we because we had a bad one it wasn't that we had none we had a bad one her leading the way and I don't know how long ago was maybe eight years ago I decided that I was just going to forgive her I was going to forgive her for I wasn't speaking for the family I wasn't a representative for my father or my brothers this was me talking for me and me only and I called her and she was

blown away and you know and she's like you know you hate me and I said listen over the years I've learned a few things and and this is my own opinion of it but in order to love someone you have to have a strong positive relationship with them in order to hate someone I believe you have to have a strong negative relationship with them I think there needs to be a relationship for hate and the fact is I don't know you you don't know me you don't know my favorite color you don't know what I like to eat you don't know anything and she's just crying you know and I'm like so I don't hate you because I don't know you I really don't even know who you are but I forgive you and nothing changed nothing changed and then I felt like a fool for doing it you know and I was talking to one of my

therapist and one of the truest things that I've heard is that you can't forgive someone who isn't asking for forgiveness this woman wasn't asking me to be forgiven it's something that I was offering to make myself feel better ultimately and it backfired it didn't change it didn't do anything and you know if someone's not coming to you and saying hey I'm sorry I'm asking for forgiveness I you know can you forgive me for this and calling themselves out then they don't really think they did anything wrong so you're offering them something that they're not buying they're not interested in they're not whatever that's a thing for you and then I realized that you know in hindsight and I was like god because it did it burned me it made me feel like a fucking asshole and a

fool for a minute but you know I tried something and it didn't work and you know it is what it is at this point I forgave one of the biggest pains I had in my life I forgave my stepdad I don't know why I don't till this day I wrestle with it back and forth you know what he did to me between 79 to 85 was just amazing what we were back and forth you know and there's people there's two sides to every story and I even compromised by myself I I said you know I was looking for money I was saying what the fuck happened to my mom's money you know there's a house there's this there's that he's like well the other side there's a half million dollars in debt you don't know about that I knew about I knew that that was legit you know and I had painted the drugs

and the pain had painted this picture that had this money owed to me and it created this person inside me I was gonna kill him so for years when I went to Colorado in 83 was to let the situation cool down and for me to come back and kill him that was it that was a situation that was it very plain and simple at that time that was where my head was at I like how you're letting it cool down to return to kill some oh no it was hard I mean listen my mom died yes I took one of the things out there and I had a party in the house but he locked me out there he locked he changed the locks I was never allowed to go into my childhood home again there was no social security I mean the list went on and on and he added to it by not helping out but I didn't want his help in

a way I heard his feelings when I decided to move with somebody other than him you know he I think he would have helped me if I would have moved him there's a lot of back and forth here but the bottom mind is that I spoke to a friend of mine that I grew up with about six months ago and she goes that she goes you know that before he died and my mom died they didn't speak for about six years and I go really that's weird I didn't know that she goes yeah because one night he came over and my mom went off on him for not helping you and I go in your heart do you really think that he should have helped me and she goes everybody believes he should have helped you and deep down inside I know I know this I'm the type of guy I'm not fucking that dumb I knew he should have

gave me 30,000 and set me up and you know just he could just buy what my mom had done for him and I was fucking really mad man and 85 I came back in 84 and I had the thoughts going back and forth but people were like you know what you want to stay away from at this point in his life and I was doing my own craziness and I left in 85 and I came back in 91 and I went up there looking for him we talked and we both looked at it from a different perspective and he never gave me a dime he never gave me a dime I forgave him but there's moments once twice a month that I can't believe that this guy because at the end he left like a million dollars and then I went to his house I spoke to his ex-wife I went his wife at the time I went over there and I thought she would go in the room

and at least give me my father's jewelry and she took that jewelry and that cash and then she got diagnosed with cancer and then her brother got the cash then he got diagnosed with cancer Jesus you don't want them no that's what I'm saying that money was poisoned from the start so in a way I always thought that I would get it later on in my life something would happen that that money would come to me in a different light you know I'm saying that's how I let that I forgave them in a way when it comes to my ex-wife Jacqueline's mother Jackie Ball's mother I don't see it at all I don't see it at all from a Catholic to a human being I don't see it at all as as Lee as my friend and you're a great guy I could never sit here like a regular fucking

American and tell you that I can forgive him you have no idea the thoughts that come to my mind even today if you had to guess what would you say she was gonna say you did like what why was she so angry she probably talked a lot about the kidnapping you know she probably said a lot about he's a kidnapper he did this and that she probably uh you know just told that that and in a way listen she told her the truth I was out of my fucking mind you know what I'm saying but she forgot to tell her the other truth that I really love this child that this child was the only family I had in the fucking world you know this is everything I had this was it when she came home and said she wanted to get a divorce I was fine with it I understand that people don't last

forever but I was also sold a bill of lady that said that I was gonna have a relationship with this child full-time and then I was lucky then one day she just moved out of her parents house without telling me moved her into a guys house that right there is grounds for fucking chopping your head off yeah why come from that right there is grounds for chopping your fucking head off I was paying everything I had I used to pick the child up at daycare and walking back to my place then she'd pick her up and then when dad would call her at night let me say goodbye night to Jackie they're not here what the fuck you mean and the mother was that's why I never really talked to her mother again because the mother was in the middle of everything and I understood she felt

bad whatever but I've never I can never see me forgiving Jackie's mother and I put that out publicly it was just too much it's still too much I've called three times and had a just to call me back I just want to say I love when I was thinking about it oh Jackie's busy she just went through a relationship and she's still mourning my father who died two years ago so she can't pick up a fucking phone so I don't know what they're telling them I guarantee all the gifts I sent and everything nothing was ever given to her all the letters I sent nothing was ever given to her I guarantee nothing I guarantee everything was dodged and thrown away and they told her I never sent anything so these are the things I know that you know that I know she probably told her about the

drugs you know that's for damn sure but I meant more online to like you as a husband like like why would she be mad at you I let it down dog a woman has a dream not every woman but most women have a dream that someday the fucking quarterbacks gonna fucking propose to them you know a woman wants security you know one thing I am guilty of in this whole thing it was I was a shitty husband you're right Lee I got married for the wrong reasons I got married I was young I had no idea what marriage was or fucking relationship I got married because I knocked a woman up you know which pro and con I can't support or not support at least I gave it a try it just didn't work I was a horrible husband Lee because I didn't know what a husband was how old were you when

you got married 23 oh god that would have been terrible 24 25 you know doesn't really matter I wasn't ready for it I didn't know what the fuck it was I didn't know what you had a feel for somebody when I look at my wife Terry now and I look at it in the kitchen stand I still love her more than ever I love Terry more than fucking ever you know tonight I went to kiss her and the baby was there and the baby pushed her away from me stop no button nope no what she said to me she said something because she's very funny to her today we both left the house fucking laughing but that was tonight in the kitchen I went to kiss my wife and she stepped right in there stop stop what do you got planned this weekly what's happening I'm going to fucking Fort Lauderdale

to the improv like that's exciting I know it's four days the dicky fucking sciat does dick sciat have a car yeah dick sciat might be giving me a fucking ride while I'm missing from fucking satan I throw him a couple yards I might have to go to deep into Miami I do I do have to go deep into Miami eat a fucking Wednesday night I want to do it Thursday in the daytime so I'm thinking of doing is getting back to my room taking a shower eating a nice dinner and then taking a fucking car down to Miami hanging on Miami for two three hours I see these people let them do that thing and I go back to my room and everything's beautiful I wake up in the morning take a shower and I'm out of it you know what I'm saying I really gotta go see these people I grew

up with man that be excited I'm always excited I'm always excited to go on the road you know that I hate the fucking daughter but I hate the whole thing I was thinking about lead driving me this week because I gotta be there at like eight in the morning that's a shitty time to fly out I'm not flying out at five six eight o'clock I gotta fucking drive in traffic on Wednesday god damn it but you know what man once you're on stage Thursday night it's a fucking good time and that's at least I am I'm working I'm fucking working Ryan sicker sure as how many fucking comedians this is why you get into this you get into this to finally for people to want to go see you and people want to talk to you and they want to buy a shirt and they want to talk to you about

fucking Lee whatever this is why you do this I have the opportunity this is why I do this now I hate when people call me for stupid auditions now you're not gonna get me to audition on a Thursday and cancel now I got an investment now I want to go on Thursday night and see these people there's a hundred fucking fifty people are coming on Thursday with joints and hits a acid for lead and shit like that what the fuck man let's do some fucking sponsors and we'll get the fuck out of here all right people listen your time is precious and you want to feed your mind with the best of what's out there but who's the hell the hell's got time to sit through all the nonsense on the internet for those who for those of us who want premium content and don't have time to waste finding

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right do me the best here's the best thing next issue is offering you a free trial right now when you go to nextissue.com slash joey that's nextissue.com slash joey all right again try next issue for free right now go to nextissue.com slash joey and you tap into all the magazines that are going out right now please use it it's a great app if you travel if you really if you have any time that you that you're just like on a train it'd be great because you can download them you don't have to be on the internet and they're like full color magazines it's not like just the text because sometimes you go read news online it'll just be text these are the full color magazines and some of them have some like video content with them it's pretty great and they have back

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you got honor giving you 10% off you got hit these things and you got nailed to life who's better than you i'm very interested in this next issue this next issue is a good deal for you guys especially if you have like a big like a tablet because it gets bigger or like my my giant phone okay go to next issue and get your free trial offer all right besides that i want to thank ryan sickler for coming on a sunday night and fucking around with us i'm gonna thank my main man lisa at for taking it to the next motherfucking level that's it that's all i gotta say all right but um this show is brought to you by next issue next issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime anywhere using your phone or tablet the best

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Rockin' candy's burning fuel so fast Hopin' to the night sky, they ain't last The universe, the engine's white What if it's the end of man and time? Like another flame of life burns low Everywhere is misery and woe Volumes infuse the earth, land and seas Man prefers to be his destiny Rockin' candy's burning fuel so fast Hopin' to the black sky so fast It's burning metal through the atmosphere Earth remains in worry, hate and fear It's a hateful battle breaking on Rock is flying through the glowing sun Through the epiles of eternal void Reader from the final suicide

It's a fight to send out to the sun It's a story much like an evolution Easiest of all, it's in an age Find another world and be the way it is Rockin' candy's burning fuel so fast Hopin' to the black sky so fast Watch the stars in fields of ancient void Music fields of darkness where they find Love upon the land of the world unknown Pray the sons of Peter make it home Pray the earth is like 90's slave Pray death to the future in the grave Make a home where love is dead to stay Pray the nothingness in everyday Rockin' candy's burning fuel so fast Hopin' to the black sky so fast

Rockin' candy's burning fuel so fast Hopin' to the black sky so fast Rockin' candy's burning fuel so fast Rockin' candy's burning fuel so fast Rockin' candy's burning fuel so fast