Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #333 - Doc Willis

Episode Date: November 12, 2015

Doc Willis, comedian and actor joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   MeUndies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off and free shipping in the USA and Canada   Recorded live on 11/11/2015.   Music:   The Ohio Players - Fire The Gap Band - Early In The Morning  

Went to the gym while I'm sitting there and I didn't want to go to jiu-jitsu. I didn't have a lot of time I said, you know what I'm gonna do? You don't know how to do jiu-jitsu, too? Yeah, I'm gonna make a protein shake. I'm gonna walk to the YMCA. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna do the elliptical for 20 or 30 minutes I'm gonna do some dead squats some dead lips and squats and some leg extensions But the main thing is I'm gonna walk in the sun because I'm going to Jersey God knows what the fuck the what I Love this like yes, I could have worked that would lead 11. I didn't feel good I still don't feel good like I got something's lingering, but I'm fighting this motherfucking. Yeah I'm just throwing down 10,000 milligrams of vitamin C every time I go to the cabinet

Oh, that gave me the shakes a couple times. I did that When you do too much too much vitamin T like nice Fucking niacin dog niacin is a vitamin you take when you got to take a p-test eat a lot of niacin see what happens to You can feel the heat going through your body like and your pores opening up makes you sweat like a motherfucker Oh, Jesus, but no, I've been popping that vitamin C yesterday. I went out to that North Hollywood Park I brought some kettle bells out there. I walked to the middle So one of the trees out there with a 35 pound early and a 45 pound on the way there and back I got water. Yeah. Yeah, I love all that shit man because I don't know what's gonna happen in Jersey

Let's start this motherfucker Lee. What are you? This show is brought to you by me on these go to me on these comm slash joey to get 20% off of your order And they offer free shipping in the United States in Canada Me on these offers the best and most comfortable men's and women's underwear. They have t-shirts socks All of your great clothing products and they come up with new designs every month Go to me on these comm slash joey to get 20% off and free shipping in the US and Canada And the show is brought to you by on it comm use code word church to get 10% off all the great optimization products Like alpha brain new mood from tech immune and trim tech sport

Oh shit Just when you thought it was let's say black people coming for lunch, right? This is old school as fuck ladies and gentlemen Yeah, if you get a minute get the album cover of this motherfucker It's a chick would follow though like barely naked with a fucking fireman And the album before this was honey, and it was the same chick with honey all over her body in the middle The church of what's happened now motherfuckers for some real black history crack that shit leave The way is oh shit

I always wonder why I never rapped over this no one song has never been touched think one person finally fucking did it years later I'm trying to think that is one of my all-time favorite when I was fucking whatever I don't know how old I went and got this album covered just because of the black chick in the middle because you open it up And she had like a hose around her and that fireman hat, but she was naked dock in the motherfucking house Motherfucking house everybody with the new hairdo That's good. You did it fucking you do you keep like this for a while Maybe you build your pores to get some strength There's no strength. Let me get both sides of my family. No, there's nothing. We'll get your little Elvis fucking deputy

Do you be back? I mean listen all you need is three heads you could do a ton of shit with three heads But what's the point cuz I like I said there was this dude I used to work with who kept it, but it was like it was like less than ball hair I could whip a work of fucking art with three heads You don't need to be no goddamn stylist What's up with you doctor? No doc when we walked in here you and we were fucking talking about shootouts and So you at the store that night when I left that night, I wasn't there you weren't there I had I was like I had it

I would took off that day and like I was telling him I was Down at an open mic doing like working out some jokes down there and talking to one of the young guys down there And he was trying this was like around 12 o'clock midnight And he was trying to ask me to come down there cuz he was going to the Rose battle And I was like, you know the rose battle upstairs in the belly He had Tuesday night ratio man, then uh, I was like, all right, man. I'm I'm a chill man when I'm off I'm not I don't want to go down there so we kicked it down there for a little while longer and then

He left and then I left around 12 30 whatever then he get down there around 12 45 and that's when the shooting took play And I left that 10 to 12. Yeah, we were there like an hour before we left the time 12 All right, you just yeah just left well We just just didn't leave I'm not gonna lie to nobody we left an hour before we didn't feel nothing I didn't feel no tension. I can't tell you that Yeah, I was in shock the next day, you know You're always in shock where you were somewhere where somebody got shot a thousand possibilities right run through your fucking head You know it's scary. It's like we were just there like if we if you had wanted to get a water

Or if I wanted to go to the bathroom in theory like just something could change. That's it's scary to think about I mean, it's just Like you just you don't expect that man in the in a public place everybody's sitting right there Right where who like and he just ran up right in the middle of everybody. That's what's the list. It was like Like bizarre he is It's not a drive by it's him running in the middle of a packed bar and Just shooting one person in the front in the front in front of 20 30 witnesses

20 30 and nobody seems fucking nothing. It's amazing. They saw but it you know, it was nobody seen him Like come in I mean like I guess at the time when he ran in they might have saw him But they you know, you know how the story is stuff just be happening. Nobody really be you know They out there got the music playing people drink and it's fucking amazing. Yeah It's a great when you want CSI and they show up. There's always one guy that's seen the perpetrator and right I have falls. This is the real fucking world that guy walked up dressed up like fucking You know a crypt or whatever the fuck he was and just shot that motherfucker and walked out and nobody's seen a fucking thing No, that's a professional street here. Yeah that you don't need to go to our army to do know how to do

That's just common sense it right you hit them right in front anybody. This is you don't contact somebody. I'm fucking On Twitter and time to put poison in your husband's soup You just fucking hit this me you just do it and that was people at the next day like two people like dog It was a hit. Yeah, cuz he had cuz he had I mean he had a bandana around his mouth He had a hoodie on he was trying not to be seen He all he wanted was to see who he wanted and that was it and he ran down the street in the middle by the House of Blues Yeah, he parked across the street on the side of the building So nobody you know the House of Blues is closed and you know, it's got that shaded in dark area over there

Well, he parked the car and they say was a black sedan. So, you know, anybody from the hotel You know the hotel next door to it You know they weren't probably paying no attention to anybody running across people running across all the time, you know So there is no cameras. It's just like that and that's why they the police was like anybody got anything. Let us know It's like they don't that dude executed that perfect whoever he was No, that's the way to shoot somebody in front of 30 fucking people. Yeah, listen when you shoot a gun You got to see what happens to people You really have to see what I would now I would be in shock

I don't think I would be a gun when you shoot If you hear a gunshot first of all in today's society because of all the shootings your mind's gonna tell you right away You're dead. Yeah, dopamine whatever that drug comes out DMT when And rabbits that shit shoot now because already you're told that it's a fucking shooter with a machine Place so I can't imagine I can't imagine I felt bad, you know, and I mean he rattled off seven of them So and it's the fucking comedy store, which it's not like a a club where shootings go down all the right And it's like, I don't know Yes, the most hangout coolest. That's what that's what the killer part about it's the coolest

Spot to hang out and you're talking years of people Years and years is a tradition. So, you know, everybody's back to normal though You know how the story is it's always welcoming and they they they made the adjustments and everything, you know Our home is is what it is right now But it was like it was scary though for those first two three days for people and you know first thing I told people I was like hey don't go on Twitter don't go on Facebook No jokes about this guy because y'all don't know who this guy is like y'all say the wrong thing and y'all and his boys Think y'all think it's funny. They'll come after y'all, you know, I said just lay low

Don't don't play with this this dude is he was serious. So the guy was from New York out here visiting That's what they say. Yeah, they say he was visiting They say he was staying at the Honda the hotel right next door to the club So that's all they have that he was visiting from New York and he was staying in the hotel. That's it You always wonder when somebody when there's a professional hit or a hit what that person had done Like, you know, yeah, it's it's really like a backtrack type of deal Right, and it's always office because if if he's from New York and they came out here and hit him The guy he fucked with had long fucking arms. Yeah, yeah, you know, obviously he knew people out here

Which is even stronger than the fucking thing, right and just different world Lisa. Yeah, like coming from where I grew up Like you just think you grew up thinking the cops will catch everybody and then I just you never hear this Like you never heard of anything ever after that night. Like there was no story again. I was like, how does Only on CSI From the opposite of how they get find the hair and they immediately get witnesses to come in but Yeah, they remember we he from You from a place where if a crime take place is so infrequent that they can figure things out Where to as where we're from crime is so much

That is hard for them to keep up with them. Well, I know literally not a hundred percent could get solved But a shooting at the comedy store on Sunset Boulevard You think that would be like pretty high up on the priority not a hit bro. I feel you to hit him, right? You know, let's say I come to your house, Lee Let's say you burn somebody for half a million dollars in drug money Okay, and they tell me you're hiding out in our fucking apartment building in Sherman Oaks in Los Angeles, that's the hardest hit of my life No, because I got I got a guarantee that there's cameras at the door

There's cameras on the way up the stairs if I hit you on the street. There's probably cameras. This is the street Yeah, I hit you on fucking sunset in the middle of traffic people drinking. That's a real fucking school hit remember the last time I was here and we was talking about the best friend gang in Detroit, right on gang land If you go back and watch the on YouTube watch type in best friends from Detroit look at David they voted them as the most notorious gang on On the whole gang land series and it was because that was they think their thing was to hit you in a daytime So they would hit you when you were they would they would they would follow you Sometimes they would wait two three years and then they would hit you

So like you'll be eating lunch at the mall or whatever and they'll just come back bang bang And they're gone like that's People be terrified when you when you do a shooting in an open like that people were so terrified people just duck for cover They don't look they don't look they don't pay no attention Yeah, you don't remember faces you would think they would have cameras on every street lamp now They've especially on sunset, you know how much of a budget do they have for fucking cameras? You watch them on TV the cameras are pointed in one direction. It's horrible visibility on the cameras They're just generalities they show all these fucking people getting hit and runs the hit and runs are huge

Let me put it to you too like this the car that they use could have been a stolen car one It's two. He was in a ski mask Hoodie, what's the identifier? three if if If if if you do a hit like that You're gonna do it in time it at as per as perfect as possible Yeah, because if he done it any earlier sunset, he might not have been on the way the street, right?

So he did he planned the whole thing one o'clock in the morning my man almost one o'clock in the morning Harley too many people out on a Tuesday perfect There's you can't get it no better. There's that's the perfect escape and he parked on a downslope So the police station is over here on on on on the down on a down end coming up He's going down You know saying and the only cops that could have gotten was the ones that they say that was like two minutes away at the light And they they didn't even they didn't get them So it's it's too chaotic of a situation for them and for them to even the only way

They would have been able to get them is if they would have got that license plate and that guy Would have got caught a mile away, but at that point by the time they realized that he's six miles out Or might even switch cars by now and especially if he from another set state city go You go get That's scared. That's what we live in Okay, am I watching too good like am I watching too much TV and movies or is it possible that if it was a hit The guy from New York could have had intel be like he's gonna be at the store park here There's no cameras here. Like do that stuff exist or is that all yeah, like you got to understand that

That's why they call it case in the joint anytime you see a person rob a house or they call a case in case of means Set up the scenario make sure everything is set up perfectly. Okay. He's here. All right. What can we do? How do we get all right put the car over here soon as he come out hit them bang I'm gone and by the time police get here. We'll be out everything about that hit. Yeah, he's not a genius It's very common. Yeah, it was very common sense the guy could be a fucking total moron Oh, but it's very common sense. Don't let them see you run across the street You got a gun nobody's gonna chase you park down the darkest on the darkest part on Sunset part on Sunset Parking down where you have access to a right turn and a left turn on to a Siena and you're gone

Go you're on your way to the fucking airport you park that car take a cab to fucking the park rental I mean, it's amazing the thousand options, but there's a lot of moving pieces, right? That's you follow me. That's why I don't if you're gonna ice like for years I want an ice one When I was growing up and then when I went to Colorado I met my buddy and he taught me all this weaponry and all this type of shit And there was one way I was gonna hit one and it wasn't gonna work It was gonna be when he was coming home at night, but he didn't drink

For me to hit one and get away with it in those days The best hit would have been at six o'clock when he was leaving the flower shop and walking into that bar across the street Nobody saw it the only problem I would have had is to pray to God that nobody else got a piece. There's no fucking heroes All right, that's the only thing you got to look for because once you turn the run They could be a hero there and just start shooting they that goes your party, but trust me 9 out of 10 you're in shock when you hear a bullet When I saw one shoot Niko when I was a kid I wasn't in shock because it was a direct shoot and I was watching

I was my stepdad but years later I went to cop one time and I heard bullets go off and I gotta tell you man I didn't even see what direction they were coming from which sometimes makes it worse you shit your pants Yeah, when you have your back turn and you're doing a blast and all sudden bullets go off Yeah, you shit your fucking pants and you're sure it's a bullet like if there's no chance It's like a backfiring car or something. You know When you hear one bullet go off and people start yelling. Yeah, I mean I was maybe 22 21 20 when that shit happened in Spanish Harlem, and I shit I went home. I was fucking numb

I'm not gonna lie to nobody. I had a repriate like I had a like actually that's why I always told people like life change In the movies people just pull out a gun and drop to one knee and shoot That that that does not fucking happen. I never I don't care how do you have to be experienced in that type of action? It's like when we do jujitsu right and you you breathe and you're moving through me and I can't or I do it to you You know, there's a part where you know saying you you you what what's my fucking point here? You get used to it. It's like a memory at a certain point. Yeah, when I was on the street I remember one time when I was been shot at several times. I never got shot, but what time? what time I'm on the corner and

One of the guys in my gang he goes. Hey, man He goes I got into it with such a surge and I shot up his truck And I was like what you should have his truck who does that like you didn't shoot the dude He's like nah, he's like so big be on the lookout. So I was like man, whatever we was like man, whatever dog So we on the corner slaying dope laughing talking now nighttime comes We still out here making money or whatever and then I'm talking to him And he's on the left side of me and I'm facing the face-to-face and we I'm telling something about blah And he just looking and all of a sudden he just takes off running

Doesn't tell me Right, so I go I go what I said, man, why and I turn to my boys that was what what is he doing? Why why don't you take off running like that? And then I look up and I see the guy coming the guy's coming and What they had lights off and it didn't dawn and then even dawn on me because I knew whose trucks they were right and it Because the guy's still driving that same truck and he comes up and he pulls up and I go man I said I said why they got the head lights off. That's them coming up And I was like, I don't know and then by the time we fucking realized that they was like right with this camera

Your camera stand is and I go oh shit I see each other then before we know it is big the window come out to rifles come out So like so like dude, I'm telling you like all I see was flashes and I kind of like matrix I need a matrix. I just like I ain't even care. Well, I could have hit my head on a fire hiding anything I just jumped back. I just died back And then I rolled and then you could hear the bullets hit the ground and I jumped up in Iran and we and there was you know how like The liquor stores had those big steel doors that like they open up like this

So when I ran and I hit a bullet hit the wall and then I jumped behind the steel door and it was But I don't think they were starting to shoot his dog But then they might have they just was made to be pouring, you know, I was a little dude, you know I'm with five three It's fucking scary just to shoot the gun aiming is a complete different fucking story. Yeah When I first shot machine gun the first time Lee I shit my pants and I was the shooter Yeah, I was just shooting at a fucking target

Yeah, the power and the euphoria you get when and then you have to start thinking like I don't know what he told me How many bullets come out of there per minute? Like what and I had the little one when I got arrested, right? The one for the kidnapping was a baby one like a garbage one like I had shut like an AK one time You have no idea the unique sound that makes The unique and this guy had every weapon up there in Colorado. We would just shoot on that as long as I paid for the bullets We would just shoot our asses. You know what they remind me of they remind me of like Yeah, they say they kind of sound like a to me like an automatic gauge It's automatic just

When you up close on it's so loud like cuz the gauge is like boom boom, but this is like a So that's why I kind of felt like because I'm sure I'm on a small in but they hit none of the other guys either and like They're driving most people don't know, you know, most guys don't know really how to really hold the holder No, so right for so they just out you I mean he didn't really have time to really you know Soon as the soon as the window drop and he just pointed it out And then he you can see you could see was jumping because of the he didn't have no real like stability to hold it You know, and it was that's shit. I don't know I can really tell you

When they shoot outs and they hit these little kids by mistake, they don't know what they're doing Lee They just shoot the gun. They're just yahoos. They got their hands on a fucking gun. They're not trained They know nothing. They know how to fucking spray. You know what those are the scariest people See those are the people you want don't want guns in their hand Yeah, that those are the people that scared me the most that crazy guy that goes into a movie theater with a gun That's gonna happen mental illness is gonna happen Right, it's the people who are just fucking whacked out like me when I was 22 If I had a gun on when I was 20 if I had a gun, I didn't know what I was doing

I would just pulled it out Well, like whatever I've seen in a Rambo movie and fucking shoot it like a jerk off and that's what the problem is That's when the problems Occur, you know, I have a hit on Lee. I don't like Lee so I'm gonna go shoot him in a fucking mall I can't shoot so all of a sudden you're gonna run and I'm gonna go like this And I'm gonna move my hand horizontally. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm not military terrain I'm not police train. All I know is what I've seen in the fucking Clint Eastwood movies That's when innocent people get fucking shot. Those are the scariest people to me

That's the people we gotta keep the glutes out of their hands. So people have to have no idea. I love shooting I love all that stuff. You ever see me with a gun in my hand Lee not recently because I understand Understand what it does to you. I understand how it changed me Oh, yeah, I miss you like it changed me. That's how weak. I am as a human being It's fucking you have the power to kill some but like thank God. They didn't have good aim Like have you ever thought like what if they had just gone like one target practice? No, I probably would have been like so never been like so, you know, what's funny is One of the guys in my game one time he got mad at me. He's like he said doc. I said man

I don't understand something He said every time you leave Somebody either you just leave or You just before you get here somebody get shot He said it never happens when you hear and he said and then when you do get shot at you Don't they don't even come close to really hitting you. You don't even get hit Say everybody else get it, but you get it. It's like he's like man. I don't he's I don't get that. Why is that man? I don't care. I'm like you shouldn't either. He said it like he was like mad about like I didn't get shot

No, it's like that's good. You think I never I'm like that's good. I'm glad I never like I won't be like bags on a no got dudes all in a wheelchair to me. I mean in my homies, but you know, it's just like The the the luck or I say it was God, you know watching on me. I was just a teenager man You know I'm saying you don't know what can happen. That's why you see on the whole Young black They don't even know what they're involved in bro. They don't they don't have a lot of options When you don't have a lot of options and You see people driving the car and you don't even have a fucking bike

Right that fucks with your psyche and makes you do shit that you would normally do Yeah, there's a lot of people play football and get out of the fucking ghetto And they're very lucky. They have a hard house They have one of those black fucking militant fucking parents that goes out there with a slipper and shit Beat you. You know those kids are fortunate to make it that fortunate to make it Past the other stuff because the other kids don't you know, my mother is just funny. You just said this I was just talking to my mother yesterday about About me because she was it was something about she said she don't like when I talk about me being in the game

She's like that's your past and you know, that was a long time ago and I was like now I said what I do is for that, you know, and I was you know trying to explain it to her and and and then she said She said yeah, but Unlike them you had a way out you had somebody to help you out And I was like true and I say and that's what I'm doing. You know, I was like, I'm being what you are but I'm trying to do it on a bigger scale, you know, because because Kids in the hood, they don't

And we ain't talking about just black. You're talking about latino hoods and you even talking about trailer tracks White hoods. Yeah, white hoods are no fucking different anywhere. Yeah, they're so mad. They're no different But yeah, like so when I look like I'm like, why not be a comedian? And and and and blow up it really become the dude To make that change, you know, like I feel because I I know how to do it I know exactly how my mother did it for me and all it is is I was reading the book by uh By by Princeton University about Albert Einstein called unquotable Einstein and Einstein said this brilliant quote in there He said something like

American people He said they they might not be as intelligent as the Germans. He said but what they have is An energy and enthusiasm and I go shit And he said that's why they're able to create and do make better things and I said, holy shit. That's the game you put The the the poverty places is just missing an energy and enthusiasm and what what what what what what causes that love And and I said dog if if dudes really put in a love in the hood like really put it in And and and in the impoverished places with white people like like not just we ain't talking about just people that come from there We're talking about everybody from Microsoft to facebook like we all get together like and and create like a mastermind group

Right and we set up systems and different opportunities and different job courts and all kind of stuff And we could we may though we can change the energy of the America World I mean period like like every everybody ain't going to see because it's always somebody dumb out there It's always somebody who's you know, I'm saying somebody always whose kid is not gonna make it. But why not? us Be the vehicle for the kids who don't have that you know I'm saying because People just turn it back and that's why we got so many drug dealers and people lock up now. Love is great. Yeah Love is a great thing to give somebody when they're confused. It saved me

The love my friends gave me saved me But it took a long time for the love to sink in That's what I know. Okay. The love takes a long time for it to sink in You know all that love I got from my friends and stuff got heightened When I started dating terry Because terry was trying to give me love And I still wasn't having it When you have anger, you know, when you

I was watching training day. Why aren't we watching training? I was watching training day was on sundance And at the end he gets beaten down alonzo gets beaten down by these bloods, you know, right? And these bloods are supposed to play these angered bloods, you know, they're good-looking black dudes or the actors Right, but I was thinking about what these bloods know. Why do you become a blood? because in your mind You think that all the opportunities are shut into you The world dealt you a shitty hand the cards and guess what? You could never change it. Even if you want a motherfucking wanted to

That's that's how your mind reacts. That's it. It's shut down. Your mind has made a decision Because my mind made a fucking decision when I was 19. Well, what about in like in uh american gangsta and then in uh What sons they hit the head like the head of the whatever the gang like gives ice cream to the kids Like from the time their kids are getting stuff. So they like them. They're nice to them. They get food Like how can you fix it if there's people? That's not hope that's just a band-aid On the thing because at the end of it all you have to ask When you go home you go

mommy Man mr. James is a very nice man And your mom If she's black and beautiful like your mom she'll say Doc walk and take a shower eat your ice cream She ain't gonna explain the evil of mr. James Because you wouldn't understand that at that age You wouldn't understand that he'd sell drugs somebody lost their life for that fucking ice cream

Yeah, it's it's like uh like Like what al chopo said and then when he when he uh tweeted when he got out He i'm paraphrasing but he basically said to the president he said you do your government shit And you don't do nothing for the people he said but i'm out here and i'm helping them I'm get putting food in a i'm putting food in their cabinets. I'm i'm i'm giving them shelter I'm giving them money. You ain't doing shit. So that's what the problem is. They don't have a drug problem because Mexico's big drug problem a because

Everybody just want to sell drugs and be drug dealers. Are you kidding me? I know nothing's hope nobody. Yeah, they feel hopeless. Look at your mother-in-law. Yeah, it's your mother-in-law Once you feel but that's a hard life, but that's a hard life, you know Yeah, I was and she could have fucking sold out at any time Why do you think they recruit the younger ones because the older ones won't do it See the older ones most of the older ones try to fight up against it They either get killed or whatever So that's why they go to the young because the young ones are the most hopeless ones and those are the ones to easily influence

from this lead with cars and money and clothes and women you it's easy to or you know Whatever vice versa. Well, that's what we were saying. We were saying like when you see that at that age You're like, I want to be like him. Yeah, you want to see do what does he do to drive nice cars? Yeah, and then even even if they don't want to be like that like let's say there's that guy giving out ice cream What is what are we going to do? Like what is the city going to do? Like oh the school's nicer, but you hate school So like I like how that how are we going to entice them to change because what you do is you set up For here's a perfect example to park, right? Okay to park He was doing all this behind doors

Stuff that people didn't know and one of the greatest things that I heard that he was doing which is fantastic was He started doing concerts and he did a concert for school in Compton And he told them he went to the school and he said listen Anybody who strived and pushed and get above see above see average report card He said or see or better report card. He said a free con y'all get to come to my concert for free So kids was like what see so imagine this Me being a comedian right

I get it I get involved with more bigger comedians And we do shows and different things like maybe once a year or whatever And we set up It's so much so we could do set up programs like that then I get with the different rappers We we start telling them a would you let this amount of kids come to your concert for free if they do this for school? Like you get a collective people doing it all together. So now all the kids are like, oh man You got to drive to do things now You take that and then you take some of then you take the the big corporations like

Microsoft and facebook and everybody who got all of this all the different money from warbuffet All these americans with all these billions and millions of dollars you take them and you set up programs that that helps the kids Get better shelter get better housing get better just better job better everything Everything adds up. It's so much we could do well How was the school where you were from because like I talked to paula She went to a charter school for like smarter kids And she was saying like the teachers never showed up They gave her a's because she showed up and was nice like part of she said she skipped like half of her senior

Like she could she would skip all the time and they just don't care down there because they have a lot more to do like We need like those events are great, but we need money for like the schools like to keep the kids That's what but that's what i'm saying. Okay, like You have to remember this is the collective thing my my thing is is There is no hundred percent formula right away All the state takes is for one thing to start working and then the rest of snowball See, that's what the problem is. Nobody's ever really put put forth a true system of uh, you know why because it takes effort

Yeah, but I'm I'm willing to do it. Nobody pays for that effort. So people tap out after two weeks. It's like what we deal with here People are gonna do something after two weeks. They fucking fizzle in hollywood. We're gonna write a script and also they're selling real estate You know the thing that makes me laugh the hardest is that thing a couple years ago just fizzle that The corporations everybody was building tents Remember operation fucko. Oh, um, yeah, all the hippies got downtown and they built shelters Oh, you know, you mean the wall street one. Yeah, when they were gonna get together and shut down the corporations They tapped out once they looked at their iphone right because you can't have an iphone and fight corporations

Right, right, right, right, you know and it's so weak because even in the 60s those fucking acid heads They got beat up look at all the black people that march and got beat up people don't do that no more You know it happened in jack and whatever Missouri right people stood up and that won't war went on for a while Right people really don't believe you know what I read you know what it is. It's like They ain't doing shit. No, they just marching everybody's just marching look at a march for this march for this What is y'all doing? It's for the facebook selfies We were at the march It's a joke, but that's honest

Like after they do they march they back home and they just doing what they do and not even they not the next day continue It has to be continuous here. Let me put to you like you're right when I was in like my my little cousins and my I call him my little brother back in Detroit when When I met him through them I took them in right because what they from What they was at I was like, oh, they ain't nothing but they're where I grew up and my mother pulled me out of

It's all gang or crack all their little friends to the day a lot of them is dead a lot of them locked up And but those particular kids I say, all right This is what I'm gonna do I took it upon myself. I said y'all because my mother did this. This is how she got me. I said if y'all try Anything y'all want to do we let's do it and then so they would call me. Hey, we want to go bowling Let's go bowling. Hey, I want to go to the pet store man We used to get on our bike and ride man This pet shop is like 20 miles away man super far

Man, even I was like god damn all this boy goddamn snake. Okay We call it and that but which we do I used to just do whatever it took To to to give them some kind of spark to be to look at like I can do now I said, yeah, you can do this If you don't if you don't look at this all you got to do is do this and stay what you want to do This is what you want to do. Hey, let's do it So whatever they anything that they really wanted to do that was positive as long as it was positive I just pushed them towards it whether they became it or not didn't matter but now

Both of them got kids One of them don't he's he owns his own truck business. He's got six trucks now You know I'm saying he's making it happen. I when I was at the Getting my haircut yesterday. There was this father getting his haircut and he had two little like Filipino kids or And he was quizzing them. He was doing spelling bees with hard words Right like association and he was giving them quizzes And I was just saying they're thinking like those kids are gonna go So far like it's amazing how how much parenting matters and that's that's probably another thing like yeah, even if we get them to school

Not not every parent there is going to be like your mom sometimes But you have to remember brah if the drug dealer can influence them soaking you You understand what I'm saying? It's it's the same love but but you're taking it to a positive direction So if you really there for them and you really to provide like you ain't gotta sometimes just remember this all of them Aren't mentally broke down to the point where they need you to give them something physical Some of them just need that that that that supported that word or that love and you right there to tell them And then they remember and they feel it and then if you stay put and you and you promise things like like like I said if Like say I go to a school, right? I become famous. I go to a school and I just say what are y'all missing in this school

What do y'all what do y'all need right now if I could fix something right now? What do y'all need and then they tell me well We need in our school. It would be cool if we had the kids I'm talking about the straight up kids one of them What would be good for y'all school and then they say well, it would be nice if all of us could have a center where we could Have computers and this and that and I'll say all right. I say so tell me this if I do this for you guys Will y'all keep trying See it's it's it's just and not even just in school. You can go to the hood

What are you guys doing? What could we do here? And you work on that one thing See not a bunch just one thing first you start with one thing and you do that You go out and you do it. They're gonna look at you and go go This dude trying he trying I'm gonna try to I promise you because that's what my mother did for me. My mother said Yeah

When I when I got locked up in juvenile and I dropped out in 11th grade I was like fucking the streets was me. Yeah. No. Yeah one point you go. You commit. Yeah That's what I was telling me the other day To do it and you don't go home and go well if I robbed that in the corner. What's gonna happen to me? Well, I go to Jerry No, I'm just gonna fucking rob and make a move There's no fault. There's no safety net There's nothing There's nothing

You know, when I robbed that jewelry store at 21, I got away with it. That was the worst thing that could have happened to me There's so many things that the worst thing that could have happened to me at that age Because I was invincible. But when I I went to prison at 27 or 26 or 25 I was I knew when I was going to prison. I was paying for all those dumb sins. I didn't get caught for there You know, you're talking something that we all know. I mean, you're not wrong But doing it is the other side of that Doing it is the other side of that and for some people they look at it and it seems Like a fucking eternity. That's why most people don't get it together till they're 30

Because they're like every time they go to try something I say to you, how long does it take to be a good comic doc 10 years? Fuck that How long does it take to be a welder four years? Fuck that. How long does it take to be a good cook four years? How much are you going to pay me for those four years eight dollars an hour? Fuck that. I rather slain drugs Eight dollars an hour was 320 a week after taxes is 243 If you claim two or whatever the fuck you claim 243 times eight is what 900 a month What do you do with 900 a month as a fucking american? I'm watching this yesterday how they're they're trying to kick up Minimum wage to 15. They understand me the dog. I tried to go straight for years

But at the end of the week with no education With a felony on your record, you know, which I lived like without I never claimed the fucking felony You come up to me with that felony shit when I put it I looked you in the face and go, do you have any idea how many hosay dears is all that? Get back on that fucking computer hosay dears is john smith in fucking america You're gonna come to me with a war. I got the wrong joey dears and they come back a monthly. It's you It's you You're gonna find me now. Who's the best employee you got you are get the fuck rip it up, will you?

But now, you know, it's so now I can't imagine a person trying to go straight Right because now they do a background check everybody. Yeah, but my thing is is like He's no bomb. We're gonna take that away check the box or whatever. Here's the thing though Like like let's just say with that existing. All right uh Few years after that I got into arrested for another for a shooting idea, right? and um I had a so with the intent to commit murder felony firearm, you know

And It was hard man getting a job But here's what it is where I retract back to the story where I was telling y'all a few seconds ago it all it all would help me keep moving forward was What my mother did for me when I was in when I dropped out to 11th grade when I got out of juvenile She found out I was selling crack again And she goes look I see you back on the streets again. I heard

So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna move you to your aunt's house. And I was like fuck that It's like, why would I go there? And now she was like you're gonna go back to school. I was like, how am I gonna go back to school? I failed the 11th grade year. I ain't been to school all year He came up said like I'm this is impossible. She said, uh, it's possible. She said all things is possible. She said If you just try All I'm asking you is to try And she said I would do whatever you you she said everything you asked for I'll try my best to get everything you want She said I'll try she said I'm not she said I'm not all I'm asking you just try one time

She said you go back to uh summer school You go and get a one take a one to eight for the next semester. You'll graduate on time dude 100% not only did I graduate on time. I got on the gray I got on the honor roll the last couple three poor cars. It was like what? Like that big with what happened there was like Damn if I just and anytime I needed something it got to a point where I was like, I didn't want to ask her for nothing no more It was like

Can I get these shoes? Okay, boom. I got the shoes and I was like So you're doing this because I'm trying she's like yeah, she's like it's it's beautiful to try ain't it? Then when I made it I graduated man. You should see like the gang I drove over there in the in with my prom the girl. I went to the prom and I try and they was like lucky doing it Like everybody then when I graduated it was like what it was like It was an amazing experience. So then like right after that. I got into some trouble again little shoot whatever and uh Did you take prom pictures with your gang? No, I I never took any you know, it's funny. They I got a lot of them on my facebook

and They put up pictures. I'm not in none of the pictures. I've never took no pictures with them And I look and I'm just like wow this must just be My pure coincidence because it's even in the years back when I was there and I'm like wow I was there. I never took a picture with all these guys like and it's I don't know if that's good or bad, but I feel like that's you know I still love them though. It don't matter pictures don't matter, but it's It's amazing to make it pass that point. You know what I'm saying? So when when when I messed up again

And I I got through the through the system or whatever and I had I just used the same The same energy. I said, you know what? And my mother told me the same thing. She said, yeah, yeah, you got a record. She said but you can She says it's gonna be hard. She said but you can she said all you got to do is try remember just try and I said Fuck So dawg, I was working Minimum wage temporary jobs because temp, you know temps the only real places that really would hire people with full felons They hired some people people people felon. He's always told me now, man. You just get out there and you work

Like temps will will hire you you there are a lot of temporary There are some temporary places that won't but there are a lot of them that will and and and there's other kind of like McDonald's a lot of stuff you can take Because they people don't realize it's just a building process. All it is is a small little platform that you're building Then you add on the rest, but who's Listen, who's willing to do it? I don't have nothing to offer fucking nobody That's any beneficial. I know how to cut coke. I know how to Cote on a plane

That's why you perfect, but you look at my face. It's it's dragon. It's a hundred years of fucking mileage Remember when mickey went to rocky in the apartment and he goes I got knowledge I have knowledge on how a person could turn their life around right I have the answer for you and it's a fucking equation. That's very easy and you pile it on and you've done it And you had a thousand times Anybody could get themselves out of any hole if they wanted Plane and simple. Yeah, I've seen it done. You know, and I've done it I've seen it done and I've done it. I did a lot of things. I didn't want along the way to get out of that hole

Same if you're gonna put your money there and leave it there. I gotta take it. That's oh, no If you're gonna leave your money there, we gotta take I thought you told me a couple weeks ago. I went to that thing we got on Thursday nights You know the trucks the trucks And I saw some kid there, you know If I saw a couple kids that night and then a week later I saw a different kid Well, today I saw both those kids And then one kid was like, hey man, what's up? He was by the library library's fucking closed

He's by the fucking library. He's homeless I'm I'm walking to the why you know me though. I got an hour to work out. I got a fucking fly I'm walking he goes and I'm going at this on the way back. I saw the other guy by 7 11 The guy came up to me. Hey man, Joey Diaz. What's up? And I go, hey man, how you doing? And I was gonna get one of those protein shakes at four hours I found him in my sweat jacket on the inside pocket and I just gave it to the kid I go I need a protein shake, but I go listen all I got is four hours for you But I go listen you were homeless a month ago on the same fucking corner

Right I go you gotta do something. It's something like you're over out here begging He goes, yeah, but you don't know what it's like. I'm from another state Bro, you take that puddle water across the street you wipe your face Somebody will fucking hide you gotta go to work in mexico, right? You got to put it physically and mentally in your mind first that you're gonna go out work in fucking mexico, right? But see He didn't the key thing was he said, yeah, but I don't know That's where it is and you able to show him. See this is what I'm saying. That's what that's all people need

Like just that right there If if you just show him the way a lot of people don't know how to really get down there Because they just don't they don't know how to get down there or they don't want to go down there They don't do ones that don't want to Don't want to go down there because Listen, there's a lot of people just don't want to go down there. Lee does not want to go to jiu-jitsu But li knows that as soon as he gets there and he warms up it's hard his face gets red He starts having a good time because you learn shit, but most importantly

You learn about the things you can do, right? You follow me that's In the most empowering thing a person's life is about right when you realize you could do something You know, I'm saying when I realize I could fucking I could fucking function Even though I was a junky thief piece of shit. I know how to do laundry I knew how to keep a place clean on how to wash dishes I could cook a chicken cutler if I got to not the breaded with the egg But the plain grilled one with two pieces of wonder bread. I could sustain

You know, I lived in a fucking apartment for 68 dollars a week with more roaches lee Lee roaches for four fucking weeks When you put your pillow down and you hear the the roach crunch, uh, you have no fucking idea And you know and I used to cook in there make ramen, you know boil everything I had more roaches, but I tolerated it for 68 dollars a week I tolerated it because I needed to get on my feet and also I needed to feed my addiction I knew that I could afford 68 dollars. So instead of paying 168 I could snort blow and live with roaches. You follow I'm saying to you. I mean that was my but I got through it

All right, there was times when you got help from people people put you up for four weeks How many times you help a motherfucker? You tell lee you're my witness lee. How you doing joey dears? What's up? Lee nothing lee? I'm moving out here with you. No, I'm coming out. You want to stay with me? I have a one bedroom, but you could stay on my couch Good for four weeks lee They're looking at the want page You you leave to do something with joe dears a 10 you come back at two. They're still on the fucking couch

They've eaten your food. They got their shoes on they still haven't taken a shower You know after three weeks you got to say something as a human being Me I go to lee's couch I get into town saturday lee picks me up. We smoke dope saturday. We get crazy saturday. We watch narcos Sunday I have to fucking breakfast on sunday I go get a paper. I walk to get a paper to see what the neighborhood is like or borrow the car from lee And monday morning at 8 a.m. I'm up the shit on the couch is folded

and I'm With a sheet of paper Going to places Now You know what lee You know, you're gonna let me stay here for six months. Yeah, no rent and you can eat my food. Okay So what are you going to do as a human being? Do you go to wait to get your camera job position? Or do you go to fucking wendy's and get a job? You go do you you follow?

People know, but they don't know everybody has time Everybody's got time or leap told me. I don't need to pay rent. So i'm not going to take that job. I wanted I'm not going to take that job telemarketing from 6 30 of the 12th there like the agustino now He's making a thousand a week telemarketing 30 hours a week selling screws and pens and shit like that I don't I don't want to do that. I went to college for six years to be a fucking camera engineer So i'm going to hold out my friend louis He says he's going to get me in with paramount next hiring season So i'm going to stay on lee's couch for four months and he's just fucking food

You know, you want to help right but at times you can't help because people take advantage of your You know people lazy. Yeah, but what I learned too is is uh This is prison. Nobody really can't get out. Nobody can take advantage of you unless you allow. I'll let you allow Right, so my thing is but how many people can you say lee get up off the fucking couch? Let's go make this heat. This is what I do, you know, like one time my boy He lived in downtown and uh Somebody got killed on in his building then the next week somebody got killed again

And uh Or I might be wrong It might be just that one time that somebody got killed and they wouldn't let him in his apartment on his floor For like a day or two because it was like I got some kind of I don't know what why but he couldn't go up there So I told him amen instead of standing this don't go to the shelter. I said man Plus that building that whole area was bad. I was like just come stay with me And I said you you know, just give me like a hundred dollars whatever You you you work, you know to save up your money

Until you get a good darn payment After about four or five months this nigga was taking acting classes 1500 dollars for this and now it's Stella Adler and I'm like You better get the fuck out of here. You're like like What are you doing? I told you save your money use something here paying for acting classes I'm letting you stay here Then I booted them up. You know what I'm saying because now you're trying to take advantage But it's like you're not taking advantage. I'm letting you I'm letting you I'll let you stay this long. This is what I'm saying

This is what I'm saying to me. It's like Like you're gonna have a few bad apples out there What's that episode of Sopranos when he hooks up with the fucking old lady? He used to fuck his father Oh, yeah, okay, and he gives her money. He comes back the next day and she shows him shoes And he goes I threw this for your phone bill and she goes I haven't bought myself a pair of shoes in months They were on sale for 1200 You know along to you remember gentry Gentry gentry. She used to bartend in the front thing. I'm tight with gentry and her sister. Oh jen

Gentry his name is you don't know him. She's from 97. Oh 90s. Oh, okay with quarry. She was tiny quarry And Gentry was my buddy. I know gentry for years. It wasn't about sex. No, we never had sex We're goombas. I just called the one I went to Portland to tell I was in town And she told me she was working and she couldn't come to any of the shows and we've been friends I'm real tight with his sister Me and his sister went on the road But anyway to tell you the story

I booked my one of my first show was Before Spike it was tnt right tnn. It was the Nashville something station. Oh, you're right tnn tnn and there was a show on there something about 50 ways to say I don't know and there was about a guy who drove a truck with a chick And they went from town to town And they fucking booked and they they fought for he was like kung fu only he was a trucker one of the worst shows of all time

Guess what I'd book a guest star on this fucking show And it's tremendous. I play a bookie and it's all these uh playmates and I I'm spanking their asses I play this bookie slash hooker house guy, but anyway They say to me you have to shoot in san diego and you have to spend the night Gentry is fucking flat broke I go home at the time. I'm living in Ralphie's apartment on the floor The whole building is comedians. We're living on the saline's apartment. Jody's apartment And I gotta go to san diego. I had no car. I had nothing gentry goes. I'll drive you

15 wheels of justice Something like that 98 97 18 wheels of justice 18 wheels of justice. There you go. You're on in 2001 Yeah, 2000 fucking one I'm flat broke. I'm living with terry. We're barely making rent They call me up. They go listen to me Oh my god Drive to the hotel and pick up your paddy and money. I pick up my fucking paper

And it's like 60 bucks. Okay We buy a bag of aretha on the set Now me and gentry are friends. The hotel rooms got two beds. I go gentry You know fucking uh I'm gonna go show do wardrobe. We're here for two days. We got 60 bucks gentry Okay to eat. Don't fuck it up. I'm gonna eat on the set if you want to eat this 60 bucks, you know Something small chicken sandwich. I'm saying we got two days plus gas on the way back Oh, no, I fucking come back after wardrobe

There's a note I'm at the fucking hotel restaurant. This is like a fancy fucking restaurant I go downstairs. It's like this lunch special 29 99 It comes with a glass of wine soup salad Crab meat all the I walk and I go, what would you get? She goes? I got the special 29 99. I go No, you fucking didn't she was full of dumb and dumb Oh, yo, this bitch is crazy. She goes, I saved you some crab legs and a half of the soup I go, I'll fucking kill you

Fuck you. I go this 10 bucks. I told you you got the next two days I'm gonna eat on the set. I eat on the set. I had to bring her back like fucking, uh, bread No guts and shit. All right. You have no fucking idea. Like she had no grasp of money She was in there with a hat on smoking a cigarette. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing drinking a bloody married You got 60 motherfucking bucks and you're drinking a fucking bloody married No, no, no, I believe in helping people the knowledge. Listen I did this step by step Like I said, when I saw the homeless guys today, I went inside and I was lifting and when I got on the elliptical

I thought about being homeless And I remember those two and a half months And then I would get it together and I'd be homeless I'm meeting uh when I go to jersey in nove- in december I'm meeting my high school teacher who helped me out in 1985 I bumped into this motherfucking out of corner one day and he's like, you look like shit, dog I go dog. I haven't stopped in about a year. I stopped snoring. I was drinking every night Running a game out here. He goes, listen, you got to get your life together. You got to go to AA

He goes, if you don't want to get help, let me know I took that number. I didn't need to get help. I just want to get out of town So I called him up and he needed money to pay the rent and I had like Money so I gave it to him and I stayed there for about six weeks and I was not lazy at all. I was a great He'll tell you I used to get up in the morning I'd go right into the city and get a bag of reefer and walk around and try to get a job I was suspended from the bartending union. I was Oh my god, I was a mess

I was a fucking mess in january of 85 And I move in with tea. He picks me up the new year's day and I slept till the fourth Okay, I slept till the fourth. Wow. I would just get up to drink water I had been going for eight or nine months. No, he said I had been going since Since march of 84. I had been going I'm going five or six nights a week. It's getting hard Why do you think I tell you guys when I was 21 and 84 and 22 it didn't stop for eight or nine months It was like five nights a week when you're homeless you go to a bar

You finagle 10 bucks. You sit there. You milk the beard till something happens. Hey, man, you know, we get a grandma blowing Yeah, hold on one second. Let me make a call Next thing, you know, you show up with the gram I give them two bumps out of it and then I make 10 bucks I say, you know, you just you just you just hustle you just survive it You're just surviving you're feeding your addiction. You're reading a little bit You know, you got a couple pair of jeans. You got a couple pair of sneakers. You try to put it together You use any gel. You're not wearing underwear no more. You got no t-shirts left. You got a winter jacket. It smells like cigarettes It's a horrible fucking existence. But you don't know no other existence

You're stuck. You are fucking stuck You have no idea what life is when you're fucking stuck and you think you have no options You settle for fucking anything You settle for anything. There's a lady across the street from me cute lady. You could see in her day She was really cute. You got to see her fucking boyfriend. He looks like he got hit by a truck He don't fucking work every day when I'm leaving that eight with mercy. He's walking to the motherfucking liquor store When I'm coming back, he's walking in with a fucking 16 pack or whatever the fuck they are the 12 packs Right and then when she gets home at five she comes home with a fucking 24 pack

And they drink all fucking day and I guarantee that wasn't her dream, man I guarantee when she started this mission in life that she was hoping to get a guy like doc Or a handsome guy like fucking the jewish mr. Freeze over here But she ended up she ended up settling from this fucking alcoholic because that's the chance she gave herself You know, that's the chance she gave herself. That's what she tolerates How did the guy respond to what you said to him at seven eleven? He just looked at me like anybody would look at when they've never heard language like that There's because the only people will tell you that type of language and you're in that situation or your parents

Well, whatever the fuck is in charge of you that one last time It pisses you off because they told you you had to get a job That you couldn't sit there and watch fucking cartoons all day. Fuck you. I told you, you know I have problems. What fucking problems the problem you have is you're fucking lazy And that's the problem that is rampant Right, you know, we live in a country now that listen I gotta tell you the the thing that bothers me the most is when you And yes part of this is because of the immigration problem

But when you tell me you don't have a job because the mexicans took your job The america I came from is you have to go out work to mexican If russians don't have all the limo jobs and you gotta go out drive the the fucking russians You do what you have to do to feed your fucking family if that's you have to become the best at that field To excel but everybody wants to put 40 effort into something and when something doesn't go their way it sucks How many people take their real estate license? How many people have their real estate license that you know? Thousands how many people actually sell real estate? You know why?

Because they realize it's work. It's not just getting a four-door car And sticking a sign you got to go to barbie shops and talk to mother fuckers You got to make people believe they could own a house, right? You know how hard that is you know how hard it is to come over to me right now and go joey We get you in the house next fucking week and take me step by step Me and my wife step by step show me what's available to me. That's easy for a guy like me that knows there's a payoff That's easy But for a guy that's 28 that don't know what the fuck is going on

He don't know no better He thinks that you just get a fucking real estate license put fucking for rent signs down and that's it. No Same thing with insurance how many people get the fucking insurance license in this country. They're all cop out licenses I've always called those cop out licenses Because people really think because they have an insurance license or what or i'm going to make a million now You know what insurances sales and you got to go into fucking places Yeah, me selling insurance policy to this fucking guy or me selling your life insurance Yeah, I make a little money and every time you make a payment. I got a fucking payout

But I got to walk into that honda dealer across the street With 60 employees in service and 30 salesmen and clerical employees And I got to walk in and go who's in charge of the group insurance plan and I got to sit with them and that takes time And they've been with the other company for 18 years. That's work When I have to come and that's what we all fucking dread Guess who used to dread that I did for years. I thought oh, well if you go to the honda dealer Here you are at the Cadillac dealer people come in they got to go home and think about it

But at the honda dealer I heard that people go in and they just lay down For years as a car salesman, you're like, oh, yeah, I'll go over to the Mercedes dealer because people come in and lay down Yeah, yeah, I'll buy that cloth for $20,000 over sticker. No It's fucking work. It's always fucking work. I would bet those dealerships are harder to work at Rich people are dicks in those situations, but you could listen but rich people got money. You have to excite them Yeah, no, you know those little fucking salesmen are great. Listen a 50 year old That's looking at his wife going this bat's getting old. I need my dick sucked I'm gonna go to that bar with my son hangs out and fucking cars be one of those young bitches and look at some 20

Are you fucking kidding me though? When you go in when when I'm a salesman you come in I have to know that when you want this car for while I'm looking to expand my horizons You're fucking 50. You're living off viagra. You're married. You're looking to get your dick sucked Let's do this right motherfucker. Right. And also now look at the guy looking his eyes and just melt them before the conversation He starts Listen, so when you're telling me You want some of your licky nuts right in the front seat and they'll look at you and come right

How did you know because I fucking know I got the right car for you This is the coming in your front seat special Well, it wouldn't happen to you, but I'm talking about like Like the couple who comes in and it's usually like the woman And like I'm just I worked in at a CVS in a nice town and I worked in a CVS in a shitty town I purposely moved to the shitty town because like in the nicer town Non-stop like Like oh like like they like oh like they throw you their keys or something. I don't know

I would have assumed they would have been dick to you Something everybody ain't like that though. It's you know, some people are some people ain't you know, it's People people I guess why try not to even I just all I know is if I try to be as a hundred percent as I could be Me and me And try to grow and be better Nobody else matter You know what I'm saying like like like I think like we by being 100 and being Trying to get better with time

You're gonna you're gonna be an influence to a lot of people and you're gonna whether good or bad So so no matter what they do if you stay in your zone, they don't remember you But how do you forgive like the bad things that they do like for me? I'm That that my anger towards the rich people is because I worked retail for all those years and they were dick So I'm thinking that but now of course they're not all like that. Right. How do you forget? Like how do you forget the things that you learned to hate? I don't know whoever because first of all, I gotta what I do is I gotta look at

Why what is it that I don't like about them and then when I see what I don't like a bunch about eat some more goodies From the bottom now we're here get it started from the bottom now my whole team fucking here We're going deep it's Wednesdays church is here You got comedy. Okay. I know what you're saying that applies to stand up I see comics I bumped into a comic two years ago one day that got me so depressed about comedy I almost went home and fucking shot myself I was vulnerable that night and I stood next to him and I knew better to stand next to this kiss like that

Okay, and and did you know he was kissing that? No, he had no idea He had no idea. He was the kiss of death in the building. Did you know? Uh, I had an idea until he opened his mouth and his kiss of deathness Kept me like it. He was a magnet. Right. It was the weirdest night of my life And you have you know, lee has really come up to me a couple times. I said, how the fuck were you talking to that guy? He was creeping me out. He was doing material on you. So Oh, yeah, that's the worst when they do the material I was out one night with a guy

A guy telling me how bad for comedy rogan was And uh how the store was not fair to people and right, you know For every prior there was 30 other black kids that it was racist. I mean And he was white, you know, I'm saying like uh, you know those white dudes I give a fuck about black people and chinese and saved the fucking whales in europe I've always had a question about people like that. Do you think at home? By themselves and that worked up Yeah, this is they can't wait to get out to talk to you about it. So they just itching to get out

They be storing it up at home didn't get on it And all that thought lee if they got that thought out of there They would write a joke You have no idea what that thought does to your creative process stifles you just it stifles you it fucking stifles you This guy got more spots. This guy's not funny. Why is he doing this? He's on the tv shows He stole a joke. He didn't steal a joke. He wrote a joke. He's got a million dollars. He's broke He's got nice sneakers. Do you know how big his house is? He's got this He's got this and the whole time you're fucking broken. You got nothing going on

Struggling you got dick going on because you're worried about man. Lee's getting paid and shit You're worried about his paper or the things he's got or the things you don't have And I've been in those positions. I've been in those when I was 27. I was lost like everybody else I thought that you know, oh that guy's got a lot of what do you give a fuck? He ain't gonna give it to you Right. Why are you campaigning with his fucking money? He ain't gonna give nothing to fucking you So now you have to worry about you know, you come here and you sit and you go Well doc is going to Montreal and fucking Lee, you know, I you know why doc gets that because he ends up with Eddie Griffin Lee's fucking Jewish. That's why he's

People like that. They go home at night. They're gonna even look at the work like that They don't even look at anything else. And if they ever got it, it'd be oh, well, finally. I got it Like you hear a lot of people shit on like they cook they be like It's like Don't give a fuck what y'all say he worked and made it happen. This is like like Now anything else that he might have did wrong Okay, I I don't know all the other stuff rumors, right? But regardless, it's just like It's like man, just just do your thing

I fell into that myself being sure you do As soon as you come here, I fell for it. You know what it is until 99. I had that here Succeeding for me And I was asking myself. What am I doing wrong if that guy can succeed? Then you start trying to emulate what they do And you lose yourself then you start taking advice from other people and you just lose yourself completely For for the ones who stay in a zone from day one They usually send them

Spring in faster and at a better rate and you have more success because they don't let too much of the outside influence But unfortunately for somebody like myself, I was listening to too much. I was envying too much I was doing all this bitch. You know low. It wasn't even so much as like bad But it was more like Bitch shit meaning I was feeling insecure because they had and I didn't absolutely and I was like, man Yeah, which is kind of bitch shit. I just was like, man, I damn man and my mother used to get me on all the time She's like, you're funny like them and you keep Saying because they don't they got stuff and you don't you're not you're just as funny

But I always looked at it like I ain't that funny because Shoot they they funnier than me because they got all this shit, right? You're funny. You work Yeah, and when the light decides to shine you're prepared. That's what my mother always said, you know Rogan's big question with me at least as smart as he is as intelligent Every time we get to go on a plane. He goes what really happened to you in 99 Why didn't you get so funny all of a sudden we talked about on this podcast He's always said it. Yeah. I when I first met you you were a lot funnier on stage And then one day it clicked and i'm gonna tell you the two things that really clicked

Is that I always say that about people and they say number one number one Number one the number one thing that clicked was I stopped caring about the people around me and the situations and I stopped believing the bullshit I stopped believing everything. I believe I believed in one person Me My word was the strongest. You know what you'll never sell a cd on your own. Yes, we will You'll never do that. Yes, we will you know after a while you just have to start fucking doing this shit on your own And I didn't care I got sick and tired of agents going you got to work clean

You know what you motherfuckers don't know nothing you haven't done dick. You're a fucking salesman. That's all you are So I stopped believing in people and listening to people and I started believing in the fuck who the fuck I was And that really helped. I just stopped I just stopped I was at the store. What am I listening to these people? Menzy sure has dealt with comedians for 30 years. I'm listening to these agents. I graduated from syracuse. He gave you the green light You understand me I'm in the old fog following paul mooney every night, but i'm depressed because this guy won't fucking sign me

All right, i'm depressed because this guy doesn't think i'm i'm too old or whatever the fuck funny is funny I learned I was a kid. I learned funny from jackie gleason. He was 50. Dom de la vie was a fucking old man already But you know, but you know a dick taste that is yo Yo, yo argus hamilton said this to me and and I believe this he said doc. He said, you know what the number one Problem with most comedians. I said what he said finances He said I had a dad who got money. So it was easy for me to do the comedy I want to he said y'all got it bad

So he said so it's kind of it it dictates a lot of different things in the way you think in the way you look at things so if you if you somehow can Focus on not being paid in the struggle of it. That's where that's where people get invasions to struggle and you'd be like Damn it. Like how do I get to a point where i'm not sleeping on couch? It's no more. Were they paying me? How do I get funnier? How do how come this guy? so when you when you when you start letting all that go and really just Zoning in on you. That's when it gets better. You know, I for myself right now. I'm getting more feature work

I'm getting you know, I got a little cartoon I working on I got different things that that just been happening You know from doing background work on the own people's tv show to me That's all part of the building block of Of what I want to become But before any of that I was just like man. Shit sleeping on couches I was going house to house staying with he and edwards and the waitresses was letting me live with them Then it was you know, not live, but you know two days. Okay, you can stay over here a few days So I was like all over the place standing sleeping in a mccarner hill police kicking people out of the

I lived in the car rowdy's floor man the hotel on schrader I lived in the hotel on sunset behind the cat and fiddle for 65 a night. That was a creepy fucking hotel I lived on some weird places the first three years I lived in I lived in josh wolf's couch When he had the baby and the great dane in the fucking living room The great dane would sleep on the couch and I'd be allergic to hair But I love comedy. Yeah, I love comedy and when you look at it from that perspective To sleep on somebody's couch. You really got to believe you really got to go. You know what? Wait a second. I can move back to boston

I get some blow fronted to me Within three weeks. I'm making money I was thinking same This guy's couch. Yeah, I used to always think out the movie. I'll give myself another month Because I know it's new so many people on that level to get access to drugs so easy I used to always be like all I got to do is one call and I give me a key right now And I could flip these O's, you know A couple tracks here and there and you know, but it just it was but but it all goes back to like

Then what? You know, it was just like like like this has like doing like doing this Not only has a purpose but it It has that machismo behind it that when you go after something you really want no matter what it is Whether you're a doctor lawyer or you the you the dude flipping fries and you want to be manager at mcdonald's you that that drive That when you when you when you did that drive that thing that you just Because you want that man, there's nothing that there's nothing that can get away of that but there So at that point you would look you like what the fuck is sleeping on the couch?

What the fuck is sleeping in my car? What the fuck is is being sleeping out on the park bench for a little while? These dudes is doing it if these homeless dudes. I ain't gonna be here for long That's what you have to say to yourself. I ain't gonna be here for long, bro And that's your incentive like instead of Taking your situation and looking down on yourself and crying and moping about it. You keep it moving and what happens Is it just gets Better and if it don't you'll die

So it's it's either or It gets better or die and that's the game the game of choice. I mean, but That's how life is though. You either sit there Uh and make it better for yourself or you died right there. You see freaking mr. Fraser Man, it was too much. You couldn't have that I got too deep It's just crazy man. Like imagine like you grew up like now your daughter One generation gap and the difference in the way she's gonna grow up And just like the luck like what if you're you and your daughter had switched places?

Like it's like it's crazy how just like just the randomness and then all this shit happens to people Right, right. Well, I'm just Hamilton But I don't because the best work I've done is when I've been broke Right, you know, what's the what gets you noticed of a band the first time why because they wrote it when they were fucking broke Right. Yeah, they had a year to write it, but they wrote it when they were broke Everything's different when you're fucking broke, right, you know, I love fucking being broke because That's your best work. That's always when you work. That's how when you're broke you get to work at 10 to 8 Right or wrong, right, right when you're broke you get to work at 10 to 8

Skip dupe dupe. Yeah, do it ready to go Once you get a couple yards in the bank you get that quarter after the fucking traffic Yeah, my bird shit my mom killed me Right, but but what our artist was saying was he like What he was saying was just That and and I see it like from working at the store 10 years I've seen it people go and they just go work and they quit comedy because they just work in you know what I'm saying Like they just the workload the wives is on them

You know, there are some guys who wives didn't left them and now they succeed. It's hilarious. It's like oh, shit That is do succeed. I could see Being that in love with comedy that somebody would leave you my wife was very close When I proposed to marry terry two months later. She didn't tell me I knew she was very close I don't love comedy Right, this is what you do. You know what this reminds me of this is your first love g You know what jim remind me of what you're saying? He Yeah, what Al Pacino and Robert Nero remember how they were so into what they was doing that scene when they came together

He was like, I do what I do. How do you have a wife? It's like I do what I do How you have a girl and they was like, hey man, this is this is what we do Like all day. I don't know nothing else. Yeah, because the only way she's gonna stay with me is two ways Yes, if I'm happy And be if I have money I have to be able to give her all right security and support right so Before anything this is what I need to do. Yeah, I know what Thanksgiving I know what America is doing. They're eating turkey. But guess what? I gotta borrow 20 for the turkey, which means I gotta go work, right?

I gotta go work. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. But that's how real people look at situations there My problem is is people who take all these Holidays and different things so serious to where like they they ignore The real values of you know what I'm saying like like it's like Like me and my mom was we don't even trip on birthdays and Christmas really we don't well We just when when she hit me up

You coming home from Christmas is not because it's Christmas because she know that that's the time that I could take off for the vacation And so she just wants to see me. You see what I'm saying or you come sometimes should be like You want to come home this this month or or this some you know, I'm saying the quality time is more important than the days, you know, like As long as you connect them with with with the person that's for you when you need to and when you can That's that's what holds it together. Yeah, but you see man when I was trying to do my comedy thing It was tough. It was tough to connect with anybody. Oh, I know. I mean I walked out basically on a I didn't write. I don't know buddy. No, I had a daughter And I was trying to be a dad

But I knew that my urge for comedy was more and I wasn't doing to know justice By living there Going to war in front of her every week. I knew that I do more I do more for her if she saw me become something with my life That's what I always start the back of my fucking head Right that that that's the most important thing. I gotta become something because you might not be here I might be in love fucking around but you might disappear one fucking day and here I am and I missed out on my shit Yeah, because I've been because I've been in trying to you know

I used to be in a relationship that I was always thinking about her happiness years ago And I'm like, what the fuck do I give a fuck what she's happy? I gotta do what the fuck i'm doing Remember you're at the end of heat remember After he told him he said never he said uh, never Holders have something you can't turn your back on the 30 seconds if you feel a heater on the quarter So what happened into the movie he come out fire trucks police Okay, I went and he looked at his girl and he just backed up and just bang And he knew he fucked up. He just left her

And he got shot let me do this He got shot that's why I have to pick her up That's just extra fucking Now I gotta hear I'm cold My fever I should have left you alone because it could have been worse He could have jumped in the car with her took off and both of them could have got killed The cops are chasing it. I gotta hear complaints. I'm the don't do 90. He just ran a red light. I don't give a fuck the cops

Yeah, he's like hey the heater on the corner. I'm going To the muddy you want that air conditioner. It's getting colder by the minute in here. That's why I said, oh my god It's there. I'm over here like shit. I thought y'all were the damn these dudes is over here Todd Stimson Rich santa cruz Stefan Sturgeon DJ Dorchester my main man Cody plastico Stefan Sturgeon. It's his fucking birthday. I think so happy birthday my brother Cody Plexico

Carl hungus Benito Munoz and my main people who gave me and lee Some fucking cards to go shopping red and lin powers always making it happen These shout outs from twitter or what lin looking beautiful. These are people who are fucking family members, you know on the The podcast podcast on the school, you know, it's happy. I'm really happy you came on to it Something's been going on lately that just drove me great, you know An art is a beautiful thing no matter what you do. It's a beautiful thing right And let's pretend once you get good at that art. It's a beautiful thing

But something happens people get involved and then money gets involved there And when money gets involved always makes things I went to a meeting with lee a few weeks ago and The guy was kind enough to just talk to us and it opened up my eyes and I Was pushed into a decision because My agency, you know, they're just treating me like men's and men's, you know, and I just wanted more I've been on eight auditions And I wanted to be on more auditions and I want more backing, you know, so I went to the agent

I met with one guy and then I contacted my agent. He's like, oh, listen. I need the the goods I need the team or not. What am I doing that? You guys are just going to put me on the road three weeks a month You're going to make me money till one day i'm fucking 58 and there's nothing left Right, and I got no resume. You know what i'm saying? I have meetings or shot themselves over that, right, you know so this has to And they were like, okay, and he tried to play me off And yesterday was supposed to have a talk and

It was one of the worst talks in my life like I remember Maybe six or seven talks in my life one of the worst talks when my uncle told me I was a piece of shit that I was never gonna mountain on dna and all that shit right The talk when I went to prison the guy telling me that if he had something I wanted, you know The talks that make you look inside right yourself and uh, and it's talks that sometimes you know the answer You just don't want to think about it until somebody tells you and this guy told me what I needed to hear basically that He couldn't help me that they didn't like me. Oh, wow. Okay, and that there's nothing you could do and in comedy sometimes

That's one of the things that beats you up, you know, that's when you get down on yourself I look at other comics and they talk to comics and sometimes they look at mine and they go uncle joey, you know I want everybody went to montreal. I'm not going to montreal. It makes you know, and I get it because how was that guy I've always been that guy, you know, oh, you're too old for this. You're too young. You came at the wrong time And I was thinking after I got off the phone and for a minute there was pity You know a lot of people don't know this but I'll put it out there when my mom died There was money involved and my stepdad never gave me the money and for years I thought he would give me the money

And one of the chains that I let go of was saying, you know what? I don't want that money I don't want that. I'm not even gonna fight for that money no more. It was taken from me I have to figure out on my own how to go out there And get this paper. Yeah, you know And that's what a lot of people don't want to do like they just Did me and lea favor You know what I'm saying by him saying to me this is what's going on. We can't help you. We don't want to help you

They don't like you You give a guy like me more ammunition, you know Because you just put a mouse against a wall. I'm one of those dudes. I'm a rat in a corner when you do that type of shit Oh, yeah And I've been thinking I thought about it last I mean last night was so tight when I go to acupuncture One thing then he's a pot edible and to do a kettlebell work I slept like a baby last night. I was watching tv and I sat there for 20 minutes like I've been sitting here for 20 minutes I don't even know what the fuck I'm watching. All right. Well, it's thinking about how your life is always

about They're kind of like disappointments You get disappointed and that's the realities is how stuck You get about that disappointment Yeah That's the reality of life Is you have a divorce if you get stuck for eight years or you get stuck for two It's all up to you. You don't even know you're stuck when you're stuck

I've been stuck 20 fucking times and people listen to the podcast I've been stuck 20 times and they don't fucking know it. Yeah, but it's so weird. How the fuck that way to look at life Because What is life depends on how you're a little kid you're a little fucking kid Everything's good. You're gonna pneumonia. You lose an eyeball. You're right, but you know what you're gonna do You're gonna choke. He's gonna be the one-eyed kid. No, you gotta live two life with a glass eye and it looks one way And your eye looks the other and you adjust and then when you're 12 your grandpa dies and your grandpa taught you how to be efficient So now you follow me. How do you know we have all the good times?

Well, what I do the disappointments though, but the disappointments make you they're positive. That's why yeah, because That's what a lot of people don't understand is Positive and negative both can be positive for the person that's willing to be positive period leave for 30 seconds I almost called and said lee take the camera and show it up your fucking asshole. I'm never doing the podcast again I'm done with fucking entertainment. Really lee every time somebody takes wind out of your cells When you're a hot looker, there's two ways to take wind out of a person's cells There's people who don't want to do the work and they get the wind taken out of their cells

Then there's the people who do the work get the wind taken out of their cells Right the people who don't do the work. They'll fucking sail away The people who do the work fucking just fucking pick up those cells again and go fucking let the you know what I'm saying You gotta go for it. You know that calm to sit listen. I haven't talked to my uncle in 10 months And it breaks my heart because of my daughter. I want my daughter to have blood You know and because I don't talk to my uncle. I haven't talked to my cousin right so it's been going on But you know what man? I gotta be honest with you. I never got over the conversation in 1984 A lot of people are listening to me going joey. How childish are you? It was a real fucking conversation

Well, I didn't need that conversation. I was starting to mourn it took me five years to finally mourn my mother And all of a sudden this motherfucker is telling me that I'm never gonna mount to nothing Right because my dna was just horrible. We were drug dealers and we stabbed people and I gotta tell you That destroyed me for about Bro, that destroyed me for like two and a half. I had the same thing with my pops two and a half fucking months My father told me I won't go never be shit. And you know what? Oh, I'm never gonna be shit. Guess what now. I'm gonna show up as good shit Right, you know that teacher that I'm going to dinner with with my daughter and we're going to art the avenue with mr. T

You know, I lived with mr. T for six weeks I was telling you guys before and I got a job at crest kill liquors And I was robbing these guys blind I mean robbing them blind from day one from day two It took me a day to realize these guys are fucking pigeons Right, and then I just did it. It was one of those old cash registers It was old-time alcoholics from the neighborhood They come in all creeped up between six and nine after they got off the bus

To go home and get that late night bottle and they come in they spent $12.99. I charge them $10.99 $2.99. I take the $10 You understand me. So I was I was making money all night. Look, are they counting the inventory or So the Lord apple juice tonight after after a month they finally and I would rob right in front of the guy The owner would be sitting there waving at people neck. I hear that one I'd be like thank you $2.99 and then when he would get up I'd take the 30 out of the register even with the fucking camera I mean I was robbing these guys blind And he complained tea came in one day to liquor store and they told tea and he told me you embarrassed the shit out of me You know

Do and by that time I had already lived In tana fly and tea can't call me one day. He goes man. I just talked to the guy at the liquor store What the fuck did you do with that? The guy said his fucking inventory went down 80 percent when you were working. I was robbing him late I got a whole new apartment Furniture a fucking new walkman. I had clothes. So what were you doing? I would work four nights away from six to nine and I was stealing 200 I was working with the fuck we

Mayday mayday we just got hit Leeds fucking two and a half stars. You know, he did he pressed the button. Yes. He did. I watched the whole fucking thing go I think They're back, but I think so. I think though. Yeah, that was you your fuck. I seen the whole thing go down Yeah, it's like when you hit the music and the fucking thing turns down you shave your head. You got all fucking crazy What were we saying about the what I was because you said that uh He said that your uncle was like you what were you doing? He said man you you did Oh, I cried. I snorted coke and cried in the hotel

I fucking was so it destroyed me that Because I had felt that I was gonna mount tonight. I was doing nothing. I was robbing people I was living on people's couches. I didn't have a job. I didn't graduate high school. I had nothing No potential nothing. I had nothing going on And I figured I'd come out here And I'd start a new life and he'd finance me and I'd pay him back. Fuck. No. He's like I wouldn't fucking help you Your garbage. It's in your dna. Oh my god I cried for two fucking days. This was the last of my blood

This guy's supposed to help me not fucking put me down and that put down and then I got locked up And I'll never forget sitting in that prison two years later and I'd be Furious at him because he was right. I ended up in prison and I would go to the payphone And I get whatever three 25 and quarters and I put the block star 69 And I call them up and I go you're fucking dead You're dead in spanish and he goes who's this who the fuck is this? And he fucking hang up on me and shit. They want my father and he fucking hang up the phone on me But you know what that talk because when I got to the prison that talk in the back of my mind pushed me

You know what I'm saying when I got locked up that talk that that dude had with me I was pissed at him for three months. That made me who I was today and 91 This white dude gave me a talk about stand-up comedy dog That oh my god, I still get mad at him for how he spoke to me like that But the reason oh my god, he just read me the riot act on life and comedy But when somebody reads you the riot act It's a mirror There's a few people who could do it and get away with there's people who do it from an anger side

Right, that's not a good side And there's people who do it from a hatred side at the comedy store. They'll attack you, you know You stole a joke or whatever the fuck they'll go up to you But then there's people that do it because you anger them because you're not doing It's like a good. It's like a potential. You know, I see it all the time. Yeah, like there's nights. I go home I I'm leaving and I just look to see what's coming up. I see a comics new specials coming up I go fuck that guy's made me laugh And all of a sudden the first joke is like this fucking stolen joke or this fucking joke

And all of a sudden I go you just lost me just fucked it up. So I cheer for the comic. You know what I'm saying? All right, try to give him some counting What was I saying? I'm fucking high Those fucking stars Yeah, I still gotta take a flight tonight your shit Fucked up on that I would tell you flat out like 11 You what I didn't wait too much

Can see what that was He fucked Look at him Who gives a fuck you're gonna fight you're like fucking Madonna in 86 But it's true like like you like last night I could last night there was a for an hour there I just sat on the couch numb Like I just sat there in the chair numb. I've been doing calmly 24 fucking years. I'm a grown man I've been through a thousand fucking things. I sat on the couch numb

The other day no yesterday when I had this conversation with this agent Right And it all pointed to the same thing it all pointed to anything else that's happened to me in my life Excuse me 9 out of 10 when somebody has told me those type of things It's things that I've already known And I've paid attention to them. I just wanted somebody else to tell me now. I know what I have to do To help myself right a lot of people usually don't know how to help themselves

That's been the fucking theme of this show is That we have different paths. I mean you could just Get an anthony robbins book right and read the anthony hot whatever his name is robbins, whatever is fucking tony robbins You could put barbecue coals in your backyard and jump up and down on top of them You know, whatever the fuck you want to do, but It's uh, it's doing it like it's fucking you learn from You learn from your fucking mistakes or when life throws you a curveball Sometimes life throws you a curveball and you I bumped into a friend of mine the other day

His father died three years ago left cash Cash But the brother jumped on it Before the will got read Ba ba ba ba ba ba. He hasn't talked to his brother This was his favorite brother the brother stopped talking to the rest of the family

You know, they were accusing them of taking two million fucking dollars. Let me tell you something These people are the nicest fucking white people I ever met. I know the brother and I know him and I know the sister And I know the husband to the sister. I've known him in that life for 15 fucking years I know their kids I know their kids when they were kids now they're adults playing guitar and shit and you look at and I gotta tell you something When I saw them the other day on the drive home, I told my wife I go and I had a tear in mind My wife goes, why are you emotional? I go because if I ever If I ever went up before God as a young kid and said what do you want at the age of 10

I want to go I want to be that family When I first met these people When I first met them, I met him as a writer. He had a show on abc That was a top show and I knew this agent said you should meet with him and we hit it off so much And he's from fucking Malibu. We hit it off so much. He introduced me to the brother Who's a musician and he introduced me to the sister. I went to their parties I went to their fucking thanksgivings right then the dad came the dad took me on it The dad took me and I saw the documentary about the family and their fucking bad ass and the dad

Just did so many great things and he left all this money. He died unexpectedly And now this family doesn't talk And this is like the third family I've grown up around That I loved as a child or and as an adult That definitely, you know, and I could see that This has broken him And I even pulled him aside like oh listen when I know you're down, but you gotta get back to right Right, even write a movie about this. You got you still it's whatever he goes. Yeah

I go so you're sitting at home three years Arguing with this guy every two days on the phone Right I go you might and when I was telling this I could see that his eyes lit up his cheeks got a little red I go write a script about a family. I got broken up by money Hmm, that's the only way. You know what I did yesterday when after about two hours I went in the room and I wrote about what happened and when I read it back It took the sting away

Right and it made my life a lot better. I'm here with you motherfuckers today So sometimes something bad happens, you know, you feel bad write it down and tell the story and then read it Right by reading it. You're like, oh this ain't nothing This is like Muhammad Ali punching me in the fucking jaw, man. You know, right? It's sometimes I get worked up like I feel like I'm towards I'm getting towards the end of what you were talking about earlier Earlier like a feeling jealous like every few months. I'll be like, uh, like I'll get like nerve I'll have a big bill or something and I'll get nervous and

and uh I get like worked up in my head and then it's like I have to calm myself down So it's kind of cool. I guess writing it down would would be helpful like you could just write it down You'd be surprised sometimes what Sometimes you get mad at like listen one thing I've learned is And I was wrong for a long time. I love all those revenge films. Do you have to watch the chinese connection again with brucelly? That's a movie right there. No, just a fury and chinese connection. They got their messages God damn when he hangs those two dudes

He starts hanging people in chinese connection But it's so weird like man on fire all those movies are my type of movies But you learn something sometimes. Well, I learned it with my ex-wife Do you know I tweeted my ex-wife like my daughter and I sent her a message and I tried to be her friend It's still pending. Can you fucking believe that? I just want to get but you know what I feel good I got it out of the way. All right now. I get a decision from her. Well, he's pending. Oh, she's the client Who gives a fuck? She's gonna decline it. I don't give a fuck at this point. This is what's gonna happen, but It's so weird like all those situations. It's true

People say those situations toughen you up because it's how you respond and how caught how long you're caught in limbo Yeah, I was caught in my mother's death for five years It took five years off from me then another 20. I gave the cocaine I lost 25 fucking years along the fucking way fucking around You know, do I wish I had him back? Yes and no Because it made me double up. Yeah, it made me who the fuck I am today man. So Sometimes I get emails from people telling me how bad that life is and I got to walk them off the fucking cliff or Give them a quote. It's

And that's what it is. It's how we react to these fucking things dog. Yeah This motherfucker yesterday. I called Lee last night. We're timely 12 o'clock. We're talking about our plan. Were we not? Yeah I almost took you out the dinner last night with that card we had And then my wife made fried chicken, you know, somebody makes fried chicken. She's from the south. You can't there ain't no dinner I was gonna take it to that chinese restaurant last night Which one the one you were talking about the fucking egg rolls the other night on the podcast See uncle joey takes care of you Tell him leon cold water. It's like emperor express. It's a burp bank and

Yeah, right around there right by the valley college. There's two malls pretty good. That's what he said I've never eaten there. Oh, you just look at the pictures Don't be bullshitting me. Don't send me. Don't pull us. Leave some on us. Yeah Oh I've only gotten delivery. It looks like it's like one of those like shitty places that you only get taken out What did you get delivery from there? Well, I've got okay. I've gotten the general's chicken. Oh, yeah I've gotten a pan fried and steamed dumplings the egg rolls are really good And then that's really it like sometimes I'd mix it up

But that's really calm about most chinese places and stuff like that out here They not you like back east you get big chunks of white meat And a little bread wrapped around and out here. It's like all of it's hard battered Except for chin chin chin chin's do it like back east You know i'm talking about joe What are you eating though? I don't want no batter anyone. No, I'm not like, you know, I want to see that me last time I ain't bad. That could be a finger. I could be But but they know like they say that you know child chicken, you know, none of that the sweet and sour

What do you what do you when you go to attorney? Not like if I get like I'm a shrimp and lobster sauce type of guy Always but the whole problem is these motherfuckers don't know how to make it So I got to adjust to some type of meat dish You know, what is it lobster sauce? I've never even had it delicious. I've seen it all the time You gotta eat on these coasts. No, you gotta eat on the you can't eat it here It's like on the east coast they make egg food young and they put a sauce on it with little fucking sprouts Delicious of china town somewhere in black. I had it in boston

Off a route one at that comedy place. Oh my god With the brown rice fried rice and stuff. I like all that stuff You know, I was gonna take you there and like ah and then my wife made the fried chicken I said fuck that and she only made uh, she made chicken soup But she took two pieces four pieces six pieces and she fried them up the baby got two I got two You literally I think I might get her make fried chicken No

You know, no guys like me don't get sick guys like me into preventive medicine That's the secret That's what america can do When you're making 10 bucks an hour when you have two kids and you feel a flu coming on You don't have time to sleep. You know, you know what I'm saying? So you can't you try to do the best you can to maintain it if if I don't feel good on a monday night And I got to leave on thursday the last thing I want to do is give the people on friday a bad show because i'm sick Give me do a show when you're sick. You can pull it off. I've done it

But I try not to no Emotionally you can't breathe You get a headache. Yeah, it's not a good fucking thing. You got to talk to people afterward Now you're giving them your fucking flu. You can't explain to them. You got the flu They still want to take a picture and you got a letter a week later. You're fucking a flu shot Trust me. You don't want to work sick. You don't want to do anything sick I just don't like to want to try it because I don't want to Try it and and it don't work

And you know, it's like a waste of their money and time. Yeah, no, no, I don't know where I want you to see the 100% joey Yeah, that's how I am. I'm like, so that's what you want Do you have a system for like beating a club for staying healthy then not sweating not getting fucking cold air on your back Not, you know, just chilling fucking taking some vitamin C Drinking a ton of fucking water and pissing that shit out You know, and I know how it is to be sick but have to go to work and you have a sweatshirt on you get hot You take that sweatshirt off bang fucking ammonia So when I'm going on the road, that's why lately people get mad at me after shows. Do you want to get high?

I'm not getting high with you because I got three weeks of fucking work And people don't give a fuck. They've just gotten over the flu and influenza and the chicken pox And they want to get high so they go to work and tell their friends on monday took a picture of you smoking dope You know, I can't do it. I got to fucking go to work on monday. You can't be sitting there breathing on my neck Gumming up the rolling paper and then I get the fucking chin chin flu And next you know, I got to go on a plane with a mask and I got to be sick That's a horrible way to be when you're trying to fucking do comedy work I got a couple weeks left for the year

I want to finish it all up healthy and enjoy the holidays like everybody else dog You got a fucking flu or something. You got to go on a plane You got pneumonia There's another type of flu on the fucking plane the guy next to you is from fucking Bulgaria And he brought some flu from fucking from alaska and here you are with two flus confused at work in your body You're immune system trying to fight two different fucking flu bugs. Good luck cocksucker That's why you got to take fucking on it. That's why shroom tech fucking I live on that shit immune shroom tech Live on it. What is that shroom tech is uh, this pile of sump is fucking mushrooms. They got for uh, conditioning

For yeah, I don't know the words Listen, I'm 600 milligram. I'm 700 milligrams and don't be asking me questions. Jeopardy is Let me just run through the ad and I'll send you to the web page The fucking people want to ask me questions. I can see if it was a white dude black people Everybody wants to ask questions Trying to understand They just keep fucking Black people to this

You know, but not the ones out here in Hollywood You want to sell the black person give a black person a portobello mushroom They lose their mind when they see a portobello mushroom. You don't see a portobello mushroom when they get old now It's so funny how black people and and and and other people get high. It's it's it's hilarious because like I just just a whole vernacular. I was talking about this on stage how like because I was telling people how like if you're black and you Call weed pot how I can't trust you. You know what I'm saying because black people we don't call weed pot

What do you call it? We push and oh, you never hear no rapper like I got a bunch of pot and my fucking trunk, you know I'm gonna come in the crib hitting that pot. You never I call it reflight Yeah, reefer, whatever for reefer. What's the reason we call it whatever we do another edible haze pearl, you know I'm saying if if a black dude say pot It's like don't trust him. Yeah Don't trust it. They do come up to me like doc. You want some more trust? I'm like, no, no, I don't officer with the fuck Who who sent you like why are you over down in jr. I cover again

Because only two types of people can black people can say the word pot. That's undercover cops Or the black dude that like come from the suburbs with like the sweater tied around his neck and his name better Be like carlton or some shit like that like them only like black We just don't say pot every time I hear a black dude say pot, which is very very infrequent. I get like Like what are you from? It's just weird. What if you're a black guy say like marijuana? It's funny. Yeah, you just don't hear him. I never hear him. I never hear black people say shit like that

Let me do the shroom tech About this shit Anyway shroom tech shroom tech immune shroom tech sport though the hemp protein 16 grams of scoop the chocolate. I mean Fucking on it's got it if you need it. That's all I'm trying to say to you. You fly a lot They got the turnaround 180, you know, the alpha brain is the bread and butter right here. It's uh, it's uh What the fuck is it? It's the earth-grown new tropic. That's right alpha gpc and ac 11

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I'm kind of stoned right now. It's hemp force protein powder. There ain't nothing better the chocolate with a banana and some peanut butter Stop the fucking presses and like I say shroom tech. I live and die by that shit I fly every weekend. I hit that shroom tech immune. I got Asians coughing on me I show up with a big dick smelling like soy sauce like a motherfucker. You know I'm saying Anyway, go to honor.com right now. Press in church. Let me on these stuff Got any me on these stuff over there. They got the material teflon, whatever the fuck we closing all the way. What's going on? Yeah, we got to get the fuck out of my bag What the fuck lee? Where you've been with the me on these you're slipping. What's with the notes?

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Everything's tucked away and that's it. I love you guys, man. I'm happy doc came up there Dropping some knowledge for you people that have enough time right now. It's the holidays Hey, we love y'all man first of all Yeah, hell yeah And make sure you take that with you through the rest of your week through the rest of your holidays Do the rest of the year and into next year Listen, there's the most important thing that it's the holidays and a lot of people feel down during the holidays You know what you do

You do what you could do and you start the new year off you write some goals You see where you can get help, you know, but you got to help yourself It's a whole new fucking year coming up and uh, we're all trying to be better every fucking day I'm gonna be at the stress factory thursday friday saturday Next weekend in san francisco at the punchline And then i'm at ervine improv the night before thanksgiving the eight o'clock show lisa. I'll be down there Co-hosting the show, you know what i'm saying, you know, he doesn't he's always there to pick up a free fucking envelope It works me to know and that's why I love him doc. Thank you for coming on you got anything going on

Doc or you're around town? I'm around town So Actually, I have a gig well, I do but I gotta I ain't even confirmed yet But I I'll let y'all know I let him know on going my twitter doc willis comedy Or my instagram doc willis comedy and you can see anything that I post there and see what I've become in shows I put on there And uh, that's it bra

All right, let me wrap this motherfucker. Why are you sitting there like a mama lucalie? I don't know This show is brought to you by miandis go to miandis.com slash joey to get 20 off To get 20 off your first order of all the great men's underwear T-shirts socks Go to miandis.com slash joey to get 20 off your first order with free shipping in the united states in canada And go to onnet.com and use co-work church to get 10 off all the great optimization products Oh, shit

Oh, shit You're hearing some chickens in this motherfucker. What? Get up cock suck uncle joey. See you guys next week monday night Maybe monday afternoon. I'm not decided yet. My allergies are killing me. Stay black. Have a great weekend Oh Tell you I did not In the morning

Oh So I gotta get So I gotta To you Oh Oh You