Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #334 - Sam Tripoli

Episode Date: November 17, 2015

Sam Tripoli, Comedian and co-host of The Punch Drunk and International Bad Boys Podcast's, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for five Hit E Cig's for $50   Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. They are also produce some of the best edibles on the market, Los Gummies Hermanos   Recorded live on 11/17/2015.
    

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better tasting sting longer lasting the proof is in the vape they have E cigarettes and e cigars for you right now when he's covered Joey's church you get five hit e six for $50 Oh Shit November 16th Sam Tripoli Flying the day the devil was buried at sea cocksuckers. Oh shit Rock groups and make moves

The church of what's happening now cocksuckers What's up Lisa yet? I'm just enjoying that. I haven't heard that song. That's a fucking great great jam You hear it some oh, he's the best fucking Christ and what's up with you my brother just living and loving man. Thanks for having me I just wanted to let everybody know I'm gonna be in Las Vegas this Saturday night the What is that the 21st? I'll be a backstage bar and billiards with Ryan sickler of the crab feast me and him going out there get your tickets Go to ticket fly calm or Sam Tripoli calm get it love it and then the following week I am in fly catchers in Tucson. That's the 27th and the 28th. I'm at the stand-up

Just Vegas. Let's just okay. Just think just Vegas Vegas Vegas. We're about Vegas. Let's say we're gonna Come Vegas just trying to get all in people January to son You need to get my my hero to come to your shows you see but here about the guy who won Two and a half million on the Royals and then 250,000. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. Where's he from? I don't know. I know he lives in Vegas. It's like Vegas Vinnie or something. It's so wait a second. Oh Vegas Vinnie, right? 50 he won what he won 2.5 on the Royals and Then one a quarter of a million on home. What do you bet on arms? 20 I think it would have been 20 grand. Yeah, it was 20. It was 20 grand because it was like 12

Times did you try to bet on I did and I couldn't get on my my betting site and I'm like, ah, fuck it I thought my buddy won 1500. We're sitting there watching it sales comedy hole. Have a great time It's just it's amazing. Can you like could you imagine? I mean how often does a and it was a big day of upsets, too Like the full all every football game was an upset. Yeah, could you imagine hitting all that money? Getting 2.5 million off of the Royals. That's to my hero. Yeah. Yeah, but I do didn't tell you what he's lost over the All the time. That's true. Yeah, that was say when they went 2.5 million, but ask him what he lost last year I could watch my dad play like 10 hands in a row lose 10 row. I go dad. How you doing today? I'm even I'm even You missed all the good you man. I was on a huge roll

I'm just happy man things are good man Just been a gigging do my new podcast the international bad boys hour That's Mondays every Monday do punch drunk and then tomorrow I do punch drunk with Ari Shafir and Tebow So as a punch-drunk guy and OVE is what do you think happened this week around the round? You know a little bit of everything dude. I think you couldn't really focus. I think she has so many She was spread a little thin on a lot of stuff I think she underestimated her opponent and I think that we just never got to see How great Holly Holmes could be in the ring in the octagon because I think everybody knew how great she was and no one

Really engaged her. So we always it always looked like she was moving slow. She wasn't doing very good Exclude her first fight because every that octagon shock, right? So we always get to the big dance What did you fight the first fight? I'll have to look it up. I'm not sure but she fought in staple center Co-main event her first you remember when Rhonda. That's right. That's right had who'd she beat that girl like 14 seconds Right and so her first five was there a little octagon shock. You're in the big dance now We are you in the big dance, but you're the second fight. You're the co-main event So you exclude that but I think maybe and I could be wrong But maybe nobody want to engage her because they knew how deadly her striking was and the only one crazy enough to run

Right at her was Rhonda Rousey who just went right on I think just you know, sometimes people drink their own Kool-Aid and I I think maybe that's what happens right there. And you know, I'm punch drunk. We've been saying it forever It's like they didn't want her to take on cyborg because I think they felt cyborg was an elite striker And I think that's what they got with Holly Holmes. I'm very ashamed that I had to ask Lee to even see who Holly Holmes is fighting Two years ago. I did not feel About the UFC how I feel now, you know, it's like I really enjoyed the UFC Then it became this thing, you know, and it became this thing that was Bored a line of what I like. I like quiet guys. It's a martial arts. Yeah, there should be no

Really trash talking, you know what? I like Sam. I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna do the best I can I'm gonna try to punch him in the face. That's it. Then you go on and say Joey, but But it just got too weird it got too weird and too personal stuff about brazil and this and that and You know ronda. I loved her at first and then it just went sour like it was just You know talking out of place and doing this and then the the fucking guy got creepy Yeah, and then you could tell that something was cracking because the mother raised her hand first And then this guy, you know, for me it was a lot of things. I saw

somebody who stuck to a game plan That's what I saw. Yeah, I saw the brilliance of Greg and winkel john Yeah, now why john jones and all these people I saw the brilliance You know, we discussed all the time a man without a plan Is not a man She had a plan saying she stuck to it. Yeah, you know nichi she stuck to it Uh, you know ronda frat. I was going I just got back from whatever I was doing friday and I

Went to the hotel room and there's the way ins And I go, let's see what happened. Yeah, me too. And once I saw the winds I'm like, look at this crazy fucking bitch how she walked out there with a hair Then she ran out and whatever she was saying to joe rogan Like I think even if you got joe in a corner and said, what did you think about that when you asked her? Well, she everybody thinks she's a sweet girl and what the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you on? Yeah, so it was this weird thing and then I went on stage in new jersey I get the fuck off stage. I look at my phone and on twitter is the knockout like that was on the fucking whatever

Immediately immediately it was on the kick to the head and I gotta tell you I was fucking ecstatic But I was fucking ecstatic I uh, I it was so interesting because we were watching it. We were eating in that salad show was showing us the fight And everybody's watching and I'm just like, hey, dude bronda's got when you really broke it down you took away all the hype and all that stuff and you thought What's ronda's way to win and pretty much her only way to win is that arm bar she goes for after that I'm like if if if holly home sucks her into a striking Match and and she buys into it and her ego's so big that she does think she's this elite striker and she says

She's in trouble and then I just started happening and I go everybody go you haven't seen the head kick yet I get I kept yelling like head kicks coming dude. Just watch for it And when she swung and she missed to her knee and you just saw something in her eye going That that doesn't happen to me and she got panicked and she tried to rush her like a bull She got spun around and then here comes the pain Bam and just put her deep man. Oh the way her head hit just she was out before her head hit it looked to me Yeah, she was out the thing that I don't I haven't heard anyone talk about Is ronda fought three times in nine months title fights

three times There's no I I've been a fan for a few years. I've never seen another champion do that. She's to be honest listen It's a fucking cash register. Absolutely. She's a walk. She was getting 10 million for this fight Dude. Yeah. Well, I may have to pay per view. I mean the numbers on this fight are humongous Not only dude. I was at the store after the fight. It was what everybody was talking about. Have you ever seen that ever? People were talking on the fucking plane And I'm not talking about people with fucking

Infinity shirts on an MMA shirts on I'm talking about fucking Gentiles to the business people traveling You know, I heard that uh, what's the name? Said something lady gaga and trump, you know, I gotta tell you something What really surprised me was people's reaction like All the people on the bandwagon either flipped or that many people wanted to see her get her ass kicked Me like I said, I hadn't had interest in her fights In the last two or three fights because of her, you know, nothing personal. I just I got bigger fish to fucking fry. You know, got your own problem

So Why do you think all this one day it's coming out because she's the one of the biggest stars in this board if not the world now and then I don't I don't have a problem with the not shaking hands plenty of guys don't shake hands You know what she's a fighter I honestly don't care what she does outside or until the fights happening. I don't it doesn't matter to me at all Well, I just want to say one thing real quick in that It wasn't that long ago

That we you know, you remember rogan going are they ever going to not stop booing your fights? Do you remember that because she had done the ultimate fighter and did not come off? Well, you know because she's an alpha. She's a super aggressive alpha And she was on that and me should take came off looking like the nice one Rhonda came off is not looking at the nice one and all of her fights She'd walk down the down the aisle and they were booing her fights and joe goes. Why are they booing you? I don't get that So it was there was a time and which wasn't that long ago

Maybe two years ago in which she would get booed at her fights and the machine kind of got going and they got behind her Fox Reebok the ultimate fighter espn Which really likes is trying its hardest even even though it's killing itself to get the female demographic going I mean that I mean espn is destroying itself trying to lure female viewers and They all just went in the high drive because aronda could get access to Shows and a mediums that no one else could I mean to announce your fight on good morning america I mean that never happens and that happened there I I can't understand where she was at. That's a level that I'll never even be close to

But you know, it's like she when you talk all that kind of smack You know people sometimes are you know, they want if you don't fucking back it up. I really stopped Paying attention when the whole thing that she's gonna beat up the boxer Listen Listen stop She was not gonna fight floyd way mother Or floyd way may weather and fucking come out successful. I don't care what anybody said and listen. I don't give a fuck That was that was just do you mean boxing or mma they were saying she was gonna beat up floyd may weather

But if she could beat up like a you see she could probably do the armbar. You don't think listen He would punch her 50 fucking times in the face Before she fucking saw anything You know one person called me and said what happened there the truth Was real boxing She went up against somebody who was did you see uh gsp's Trainer break it down About how good she did with the arm everybody who puts the arm around her when she had loxer

She put her wrist here and kept it away and she would get her hips real low So ronda couldn't flip her Winkle john and greg jackson Did a fucking tremendous job. They're amazing. They're amazing. And you know what dana hated them before this He fucking hates them now He must fucking be at a santeria place putting voodoo on them Because he fucking hates them now You know, they took pictures of dana whites face like this whole fucking thing is just weird. Yeah, you know and uh

Like I said, I love the fighters. I love So I talked to anderson's manager the other day, you know sinister and we have her dean on and I talked to But I just something about it the last year has just been Something not really for me. You know, it's like, okay. So wait a second. So the fucking uh So the fucking jets, okay? I run the fucking playoffs against the dolphins, right? But the dolphins lost the first six games and then they won six So they're really six and six And they deserve to be in the fucking playoffs, but you know what?

For some reason I'm just gonna switch it. I'm gonna make can't the city go on the fucking playoffs when The irish man was gonna do that big fight in boston. Yeah, there was only one person He was supposed to fight in my world and that was frankie aga That was no fucking german. That was no whatever. That was frankie fucking aga, okay? Well, obviously that one was bad But that's the issue in nfl. It's just based on record. No one's making that decision So when there's a fight maker, right? There's a it's it's what I'm saying is in season 11

In in game 11 week 11, right? If you're 0 and 9 and the dallas cowboys are 9 and 0 Godel's not gonna call and say nah Switch that put somebody else in there. I did hear that they did switch a schedule Because the team is really bad this year. Oh, yeah, they have flex on sundays. They can move them up and down right they have a they did switch something but You know, there was one person that she was supposed that he was supposed to fight. Yeah, that's it And the guy's name was frankie fucking aga Not some fucking 50 year old german guy that you know, oh, he's a tough fighter. No

Franky fucking aga when that didn't happen my television shut off Okay, after she beat Whatever and she beat somebody else and somebody else listen Stop it. It was time for that fucking savage from brazil. Yeah, that's what the people want to fucking see It was time for that chicken her and that's all we wanted to see But you didn't let that happen. So look what happened Look what fucking happened The worst fucking scenario in the world

And that bitch is laughing in brazil right now going thank god i'm gonna get my hand. Let's do it now Yeah, let me go in there now against it because I really shut her fucking lights out. She still wants to fight her She still wants to fight her. There's no way they let that happen. Oh, oh not. Well, you never know now You never know no, but I think you're right. I think if she lost the cyborg She just probably be like I could just make movies not get punched in the face Uh, I mean I think it's gonna be interesting. I think ronda rousey will always be a legend I don't think she'll ever have to have a real job ever, you know She's gonna be able to go on speaking tours and all that stuff for the rest of her fucking life

But I mean she has to really Like there has to be calculated moves from here on I don't think you put her back into a holly because I don't think anything's gonna be any different And I think uh, I think that's why they didn't want her to fight cyborg because they knew this was gonna fucking happen I'd rather see holly versus cyborg right now than see ronda rousey versus either of those Rhonda should go back and fight amesia tate or something really simple You know I the the first time that I saw the ufc manipulating everything and I love them I've met you know, you've met dana white dana white's a fucking nice guys joes. They're fucking great guys

They're great people great people You know But the first time they did that it was with rampage jackson and chuck ledell and it bit them there too Because they wanted rampage to go he fought eastman first right he brought for eastman first And they got him right in with with chuck ledell before he could really get centered because you know He'd beaten chuck before and chuck at that time was the cash cow He was the guy that was getting on sport center when nobody else was getting on sport center And I did something with him on my spike show and he goes I go. Yeah, so you're finding me

He's like, yeah, I don't want to fight him right now But they want to get me in there with him quickly because they think that's the best shot He's got of winning and that was the first time I realized when they were manipulating shit and it caught them right there too, man That was the beginning of the end. It's the fight game. It's like why do I like sports is because For the most part the best win you put the best up against the best I live in a city of dick suckers, you know Where everybody's sucking a lot of dick and you could see when people get manipulated here and there and not to get super negative But you see it happening with these new specials coming out and everyone's like what the fuck is this, you know

They get pushed in front sports is like the best take on the best You can't fake it in the octagon It's the best take on the best and when she would call these people out knowing that she's never going to fight them That's when I think she started losing people and when she's going on like she went on the ESPN and she was talking to will bond about hey, who do you think you look? What do you think's gonna happen first me? Losing or the the cubs winning the world series. I'm like you just don't say that shit, you know It's like you just you got to walk quietly carry a big stick. That's my opinion. I like a little shit talking

I like Muhammad Ali and even though people thought he did something against what's joe frazier, which was disrespectful He called he treated him pretty poorly, but I think for the most part there's a there's a bravado But there's a way of doing it and I I I just don't think she what she handled it. Well now on the other side of that If you know anything about ronda rousey, let's put this on the table She's a fucking hard work. I hear she yeah, and I hear she's really nice She's very nice and she's a fucking hard worker So I know she put the effort into this fight That's not going to be the case that you know, she got the knee operated on

She got the whole thing, but in her defense Listen, I don't know what what do you think is harder becoming the champion or staying the champion I would say staying that seems to be oh, yeah, because all your fighting is the best And everybody wants to talk to you, you know, I can't imagine ronda rousey's life You can't really imagine you can't guys if you're at home right now I don't care how much money you have at that level knowing the type of athlete that she is an elite athlete She's done it all there was two things, you know, the mother came out and said she didn't like the train. Look at Another thing we already fired them. They fired. Yeah, they did. He's done. I read an I read one article

Who knows but that I read one article that he was I can check. No, no, no Uh This was something, you know That wasn't handled right now. Everybody could point fingers when this happened so quickly guys When this happened so quickly, I just read something about Amy Schumer And she said something about that this is not comfortable You have no idea what this is like You know doing this impress and you know, it's tough enough just being a stand-up in comic. Yeah, and now they want you to do

Specials and after that special they want another special in eight months And you got to go out and take pictures and and fucking go to clubs and you know TMZ is going to be there and and and that this is not stand-up anymore Now it becomes something else And it's very tough to keep your game going, you know, kevin heart got blesses fucking so he's a basketball games He's writing jokes. He's doing fucking arenas, you know, uh, gabriel blesses fucking so that guy has not stopped in Six years, you know Ralphie made 10 years that fucking grinded dog grinding, you know every fucking week out there Her work ethic is amazing. Yeah, but at the other thing there was so many other things going on in her life

So many other things going on in her life everybody's approaching, you know, she's with ca She's taking every division that caa's got is making a million dollars with it because the branding this that you know, uh I guarantee there's the toys and geese and and judo accessories and there's every fucking yeah You know, you know, what's his name didn't what this name have 76 ways to make a living And each one of them is making a half million dollars larry the cable guy dolls and boxes and this you know And engagements and talking to people and getting up at five to do radio and fucking bulgaria Because some tv show wants you to you know guys it's fucking grueling. It really is grueling

And then the expectations that you have and things that happen now Nobody tells you nothing negative You become so big that nobody says to you hey today. We're doing this You know what I mean? Yeah today. We're gonna you know, did everybody else notice everybody when she got punched in the face She was really in shock Reminded me of Brock Lesnar when he got hit by that kid from Colorado

No, the other kid the white dude that retired with the bad back Connor Hughes. Oh, no. No. No. I know what you're talking about. Shane carlin Shane carlin when he fought shane carlin shane carlin hit him with a shirt I was there for that fight held his face. He held the cheek cheek. That means nobody had hit him You know, he's she's doing these things where she just comes out and she's flipping a guy and falling on top of him and You know In training, who were they putting up against her? She's doing movies. So I really can't touch your face She's doing ads. I really can't touch your face

So it becomes something fucking else guys. Yeah So I want you to consider all these things when she got smacked in the face. Look at her face Her fucking demeanor changed jack like this hasn't happened to me in fucking years. Yeah Why are you punching me in the face like who are you to punch me in the fucking face? You know, they have tape recordings to her her on the floor and they're like telling she's like no, no, no I want to go back in there. She got knocked the fuck out to the point But the other side of this her ego was so huge huge that that hurt more than anything Yep, and that's the toughest fucking thing to repair

Well, how much did the UFC build that ego like were you guys I didn't know her in the ultimate fighter Was she always like do you want coffee? Can I cut your fucking toenails instead of driving? Let's pick you to fuck up. You're great. You were great the other night. You look fucking beautiful Did you see you on jimmy fallon? She looked like a fucking halloween monster Okay, her hair was all fucked up. They put fucked up makeup on her I just don't you know her chest was out. It's not that who you are. Yeah Do you follow me people and since you're in a different realm? You don't even know anymore. You don't even know what's right around you guys. You don't know what's right and wrong

She's only 28 and she's only 28 You know, this is overwhelming for people with 30 fucking five. Let me tell you what You know, let me tell you what was one of the toughest Times of my life looking at it now That we've discussed here of having a great time But in reality, it was a tough time from my common ego and I've never tried to have an ego It was when I was shooting the longest yard When the longest yard came out

I sat by the phone the next day with a pencil and a piece of paper. I was like, let's see who makes the biggest offer first Okay, you know, I mean you want me to lie to you. No, why do you fucking triple? No? You would have done the same. I told you You would have done this. I understand what that means, you know And you don't understand when you're shooting a movie or television show you do four takes They fucking laugh they laugh like it's the end of the world And you're turning around going why these people laughing am I that funny? Then they're coming up to you

And then I would have nix wantson and all adams friends when this movie comes out. It's all over for you It's curtains. You know, I was having fucking people calling me from paramount people from paramount world already calling management teams I had people already fucking calling me going. Hey, man. We like to meet with you How did you hear about? Oh, we heard you were looking for me. I'm gonna look at the fucking management And I would go meet and they take me out. You know how many fucking lunches I went to lee after the longest yard So what happened fucking nothing Yeah, why? Lee

nothing nothing nothing Things happened, but they happened in cultures It happened in cultures. Okay, somebody's shooting a movie They get home 10 from production meeting. They're fucking sitting there. They're shooting a mobster movie They turn on tnt and the longest yard is on oh fuck Joey Diaz

I get a call a week later they and then while i'm shooting they tell me We were watching the longest yard and that's where I came from that grudge match that director hated me I shot the longest yard when me told me to my face. He didn't like me at the fucking premiere He told me to my fucking face. He didn't like me. It was not his call the adam fucking. He wasn't his first choice But they needed a guy for grudge match. He was in the grind He's sitting at home watching the football and I come out in the fucking go daddy commercials of pizza guy Oh, shit. Oh my god things work in cultures Things work in cultures here. We might be going to the store. How long we've been going to the store

I've been doing a 15 15 years has anybody ever called you and said, uh Because before we went to the store, you know, you heard that Gabe Kaplan Gabe Kaplan Welcome back kata the guy saw him the deal was cut in a booth in the main room Come here. Let's go cbs. Hi. We're from cbs. We love you We have an idea for a school teacher with a bunch of guys. We've already seen everybody We've got the cast all we need is the teacher if you sign here, we'll do 13 Boom, we all heard that story. Has that happened to you? Never has tea has fucking pbs called you and said we want somebody to get under a Lizard we want you to come down here and do a fucking operate

Nothing So you sit there and go does this happen triply some day After a Tuesday night with 13 people On a fucking the only night that snows in LA in january Somebody's gonna call you and go hi I'm calling you from paramount casting one of our associates saw you last night At the thing. Do you know how the sopranos knew I was alive? How a 1245 spot in the Toyota comedy festival which I bombed

I followed a latin band That fucking mike robles put a spic show together put six picks Put a latin band and then put me to close the show. Oh my god. You want to follow a salsa band after they do three solos? Oh I haven't you have no idea, but this poor lady was in the back of carolines So i'm walking home fucking ready to cry. Yeah And all of a sudden she comes up to me and gives me a card and says can you be in the audition tomorrow 11 o'clock? Okay, so

You never fucking know So everything works in cultures In my mind. I thought the longest show was going to get released on monday CBS was going to call us a you interested in doing csi 22 episodes. Sure That's what I really thought Do I will walk around like that Lee? Now that you know me. Do I ever walk around like that? You know have I ever said to you when the fucking tripply podcast drop? It's all over wait till they see my episode of what's the show that comes on that one with the black guy

And they won't talk you into your jokes. I'm like some leash. I'm like some leash. You ever have those guys pull you over dog It's all over Tommy is gonna be sorry. I'm not a regular wait till my comics only sketch released People really have and I was one of those guys I could sit here and say people When the longest yard came out because of the bullshit that was told to me I And And how long were you on the long he starts at 17 fucking weeks of lives?

So imagine imagine three years or whatever four years of lives Constantly 17 weeks of people saying wait till this movie comes out. Joe. I looked at the dailies joey Paramount loves it. I remember shooting the movie and being in routes at two in the morning Fucking snorted out of my mind get mixer And one of the editors he was just as cocked at as I was comes up to me. He goes dog I'm on the editing crew the longest yard. We've been putting that movie together. It's 24 hour ships. God damn You're fucking good in that movie. I mean it was coming from all over How would you react? Right?

People lighten my cigarettes, but then it was funny the day the movie stopped shooting that was it No more phone calls. No more nothing people like every time I saw those guys know they go, oh fuck Then edwin san Juan people started seeing the trailer all this fed into this fucking this ego was bulletproof I never fell for nothing. I was never one of those guys that came to tripling. Go come here And when I opened for rogan and san Antonio Four people came up to me and told me I was better than rogan. There's people who do that There's people who'll come back and go again. I got to believe this I opened the pitch out there as four people came up to me and told me I was better than he was

And that and those people they disappeared. Yeah Both because they can't take it what happened to the 1300 who disagreed with them like that's like a terrible argument You don't understand You do not understand There are comedians 1200 people four people listen listen when you start comedy You go through minutes So how many minutes you got tripped? Yeah, I got six and a half You know, I got eight. I got 19

One day I'm gonna put triply on stage and guess what's gonna happen Lee's gonna come up to me and go you want to do a bump and I'm gonna go back them to two bumps So Lee I don't forget about triply and triply thought he had 19 And all of a sudden I come out and give him the lie at 31 He's like, how long was I up there 31 minutes? Do you know what happens to triply now when triply comes up to me? And he has a decent set at a bar called the squiggies

You know where it's comedy from 11 to 1am. Yeah, and there's a a tequila special shot You know after the lake again, you know I'm saying you can see this is all this is all ego builders So I say triply can you do 20? No Triply could do 16 But he'll put me no triply could do 13 and a half on a fucking good day That's if he fucking ate right if he slept eight hours If he wrote that day if his girlfriend sucked his dick I know triply could give me 13 and a half strong

But that day I'm feeling a little fucked up and triply puts me together He goes, come on dog. Give me 20 and I give triply 20 and then lee comes up to me It's offers me a bump. I go into the bathroom. I do two bumps We start talking about fucking all schwitz and the jews fucking hitler And all of a sudden I'm like, oh shit Triply's on stage. I forgot to give him the light if I come out and when triply gets off if he has a decent set When triply gets off, I'm gonna go trips. That was really fucking good. That was really good trip I'm gonna give him five dollars or ten dollars for gas. I'm gonna go dog. You did 31 minutes triply is gonna get in his car

He's gonna fucking go home and he's gonna get caa's phone them And he's gonna call him in the morning. Excuse me. Who am I speaking? This is sam triply. I'm calling you from fucking st. Louis, Missouri Who's in charge of comedy there? Who's the big dick of comedy? Every dog. I knew I used to go to bed Coked up with the numbers. I would go on the yellow pages. There was no computer back then You have to go on the yellow pages dial 4119 comedy storm, please. Mitchie sure his number You know how many times I had the comedy storm number before I went to bed written out because I was ready to call him and say

Get me on the phone with paul. I'm like, I'm gonna destroy the room Do you remember I don't know how long you've been doing comedy before you got picked up by the comedy store I've been doing it for about five years But it was all bar gigs So it was like a different animal and I remember when they gave me a 15 minute set and I was like, oh fuck I gotta do 15 and like I I could kill 10 and then there was that next five and I was just like and now it's like 15 fuck. Okay. I guess I'll try to work 15 Try to not run the light by too much

And then you would do good 10, but you would try to improvise the last five So the good 10 you did just got Massacred by the last five you did then you figure out. Let me improvise in the middle Which is really torture because then you lose them completely fucking houdini couldn't bring them back Dude, so you learn all these different, you know cheats You just learn how to cheat when you go on the road in texas like those rooms in the south Those guys open up with how about a round of applause for the troops? Oh, yeah, that's fucking 15 minutes How about the green berets? How about a round of applause for the birds that flew over this fucking place?

It's hilarious. They will kill time. How about a big round of applause for the waitress? Let's keep it going for sandy mary Joey Tommy at la roux. Let's keep it going for them. I gotta say something man Uh, you know, I've been hearing this story that somebody told me that these Law these comics now at the comedy store and I love everybody. They're uh, they're picking who they follow They're meaning they're going up the atom. They're going. I don't want to follow this guy anymore and I Don't know anything. I've never done that dude. I've had to file savages since day fucking one And the biggest we are talking today. They were talking about how uh, you know Someone had to file crystallia this week

Week and I guess he had this murder set and the staff was like, oh, I feel bad for ever had to follow that and I go I filed crystallia tongue that and that's not hard. I'm like, you want an education? Follow Joey Diaz in the or after he just Fucking flamethrower room and I've had to do that and there's a couple guys I know when I see their name after you on the lineup They conveniently don't show up until there's they show up right after the the guy who's who's supposed to follow them Is that's why you last week you came up and it was like you were like nine comics I was like, oh

People running dude following Joey Diaz is a mother fucking education and I'm so crazy I almost pulled at adam aside and go I just want to file Diaz for a while because I just want to get bulletproof You know what I'm saying because when you file especially when you fucking super hit like you hit or you super hit And when you super hit dude for the first five minutes, everyone's just talking about what they just saw It's kind of like when vince garter jumped over that fucking seven foot fucking french asshole And they dunked everyone's like I like for the first I mean the last time I filed you for the first five minutes

I the crowd just heard this They didn't even hear what I had to say because you would crush so hard with this katlyn jenner bit that you've been working on And it crushed so hard for the first five minutes I I just was eating a bag of fucking dicks on stage And I had to address it and then once I addressed it they jumped on board with me But it was literally five minutes. I hadn't had that in a while When I first got picked up at the comedy store I used to always have to file rogan

But this was back when rogan thought was doing like hour 15 hour 20 in the or back when that was something They think that they don't do that anymore. You know, it's like everyone's kind of cool to everybody You know, not that he wasn't cool, but it was just a different time and uh, you know So I hadn't had to have that five minutes of just nobody listened no matter what I threw out I could have thrown out classic richard prior at that moment Nobody's getting a laugh at that time And it's just like I've had to follow monsters and literally you are the the hardest person I think to follow at the comedy store when you fucking when especially if you're on your eight game. It is

Impossible it is like stay in the pocket. Just know the first five minutes are just gonna be like what the fuck ever is like cheating You know, we've been going there. Let's let's put the cards on the table Okay, I have been going there since 1997. What is that in years? Okay, I'll read three to two thousand. So I stayed out of there So I stayed out of there from 2007 to 2014 So that's seven years

But let's be honest from 97 to 207 from 97 to 2005 She was giving me four spots a week If I called in coast to coast monday through sunday with the sunday host She was giving me four to five spots monday late Tuesday It was amazing. I remember one town coordinator goes nobody gets more spots than they had she had me on the thing

So when I go in there You know, when you go to high school, you're only playing your gym for four years When you go to college, you're only playing your college for four years When you go to the pros if what is the career average 12 years, let's pretend you play stay at the same fucking team for 12 years You play at that stadium for 12 years Guys, I've been playing at this stadium Literally literally

for Okay 12 years And I'm talking about I know every nook and cranny I know where to take them. I know how to bounce off the music You know, you got to do, you know, nobody's figured out the music's the whole thing in the fucking beginning. I'm a cheat I'm a cheat. I'm a fucking cheat I'm not a joke thief. I'm a cheat

That's it. It's a big difference. I'm a cheat I figure out what the other guy ain't doing and that's what you got to do Why are you going up there dry? Listen, you're not gonna follow delirium The biggest dick I ate at the store was following delirium in the main room this year Murder and I knew as I was walking up. I knew, you know, it doesn't take a fucking you just know in a room So you have to plan it as it's going on now. You got to go to plan b. Okay, so he's killing So, you know what my first five is going to be throw away I'm going to talk about my day

Then I'm going to hit him with this boom boom boom and I'm going to take him into the deep cave And if that don't work, I did what I had to do Yeah, that's it. That's how you follow delirium Joe Rogan dog I had a phone Joe Rogan a couple weeks ago like three months ago And I died so hard But the education made me education Education made me that next weekend. I don't know where I went. I felt bad for the room Every time I walked out, it was like it was like apocalypse now

There were just bodies every murder. Yeah, because you just went up a level You know, I tell you all the time. We've been going to a kettlebell class. How long week three fucking months Three or four months. Yeah three or four months now. Oh, yes Lee is picking up 70 pounds. Lee. What'd you pick up the first time you went 10? a 16 you guys like you the 20 or 30 year One of my been saying to you if you don't pick it up You're never gonna pick it up. Yeah, right or wrong. If you all right, let's pick it up. Boom. I did it two times And I put it down 51. One second. I just won 51 fucking pounds

Eight times times 10 10 times 10 times 10, you know, then you go the next time 60 some we got on it to send us a 60 some and a 70 something gorilla. Oh, they're great. Fucking great I mean fucking great, you know, and it's doing the same thing over and over and over education It's education. But like I gotta tell you I feel like a cheetah at the store Why they only go to store once or twice a week because Listen, I feel like a cheat and I know that I'm helping the younger guys The younger guys are getting the same education I got from paul mooney and from dama rara And from the black guy with the dice eddie griffin. Yes, the same education

This is the same education This is the same education. So when I go down there, look at the lineup. I'm not being I'm not being a scumbag I know that people go down there from the podcast And I know that I would hate to go down there and think that trippley's gonna fucking follow me. So I gotta Bomb for trippley or go up there and fuck around trippley wouldn't do that for me and If I found out trippley would do that for me I'd stop being his friend. He's got no respect for me as a comic

The only way you're gonna Get better is by following people who are fucking murder and take a beating Who get about jujitsu kickbox? I know you're gonna kickbox. Yeah, listen You sign your name on something said I'm coming here every tuesday and wednesday. That's all I could do And in your mind you go home and you get your count and you go, you know what you see this right here when I'm getting involved in I'm gonna get my you got to estimate the truth is I'm gonna get my ass kicked for a year and a half This piece of paper I'm gonna get my ass going for two years, but I'll tell you the deal. I'm gonna make with myself

I'm gonna go two times a week And I'm gonna what's today's date november fucking 16th. Okay two years from now is the 18th Is uh 2017 so I'll decide that And I'll see what I like that. But if you don't say to yourself when you get into comedy, I love these people You know again My witness trippley trip. How many people have you seen coming down all of them? What about the people that talk to you about money, right? You ever have people who?

Yeah, I can't wait to do and you look at them and go You got into the wrong thing. Yeah, man. If you wanted to make money You should have sucked dick or sell drugs or pimp your girlfriend out Yeah, that's if you really want to make money. Yeah, if you come to me and you go I'm gonna get into conjoie Diaz. I could tell when I'm having a conversation I could tell your passion to look in your eyes If you got a tear in your eye when you're telling me that this fucking hurts. I want to go to hollywood It's in me dog. All I need for them is to see me. I got 18 good minutes. Listen, but people don't know is

A feature acts move to LA. It's where everybody's a feature act when they move. Yeah. Yeah But I see it in people and that's what it is I tell people all the time how fucking trippley please Because I know you're a student of the game Tell these motherfuckers how hard it is to drive to the store when you have to follow Joe Rogan Yeah, and you know, he's doing the Nicole Adam bit and this one and he's having killer sets And you're driving down there and you're asking yourself Lee. It's like I said you come to jiu-jitsu I'm gonna have a 300 pound black belt. Just work with you all fucking day. I'm gonna get my ass kicked

Nobody likes driving to that It's like me saying you you got to drive down to fucking san diego I got a guy with a 10 inch dick that's gonna fucking yeah. Yeah, that's the longest two hour driver You're playing for fucking traffic and The fucking isis to blow up the 405 you're praying for all this shit to happen But it ain't fucking happening and also you pull into the store and your heart's beating and you walk in He's on stage and he's fucking murdering at the eight minute mark and you go in you get a fucking beer You come out, you know, you're pacing your peeping there

You don't even want to hear the fucking laughter because your anxiety is gonna kick up. I'm telling you And next thing, you know, you know, now you have a decision of me They come to you and they go, we just gave them the light. You have decision You got two options. Yeah, you could run in your fucking car and go home and tell me how to shit your pants and Your mom called. Yeah, she's having the urinary tract infection and the whole fucking thing Or you could go on stage and leave leave. I'm telling you leave. You don't know how many times I've sat there Behind Dom are ever going I could get in my car right now. I already 100 I already got the coke in my pocket Yeah, I already got the glam from chewy. What do I give a fuck what happened?

I would sit there. Dom are ever is up there chilling with fucking precise material. Yeah, laser laser material And I'm there on a saturday night. The spot was supposed to be 1145. It's 12 20 yeah Jesus Lee, you don't know what that fear is That or is voodoo, dude And the reason the or is so white the comedy store is an education Where nobody else is is the comedy store does tag team nobody there's dude I say it's all time. There is no host to put out that fire

You're walking in you're going back draft dog You got walk into a five o'clock fire and you got to survive, dude And I mean I've seen I've gone in there looking there and rooms are shaking, dude Like some of the people some of the hardest people I've ever had to file Was like man Leslie Jones when that chick is on Dude, it is gonna be a you're gonna you're gonna take a beating that day because she does everything She's funny. She's got crazy jokes. She's high energy. She's up there sweating Just sweating to the oldies, you know with a fucking she got a dude rag

She and dude and then you got to walk up to that and there's no like hey go up there and do a couple minutes To get you know make them forget what the fuck they just watch you gotta go up there And you gotta find a way to get them to listen to you Eat that two minutes of them just going. See that. I think she's in ghostbusters She's so fucking funny and you got to eat that and then you got to get them into your training thought And it's like I was getting when I got picked up at the comedy store, man I was getting bumped you can ask Eleanor about this I was getting bumped by

Andrew dice clay every night for a year He would find me on the list and he would go I'm gonna go up right before him and he tried to put me deep every day And I didn't I at the time I was such a fucking asshole And I was a knucklehead and I was a hurt fucking little puppy I didn't appreciate the education I was getting at that time and I took it too personal And you know since then we've made up and we're cool and I really loved I love everything he's doing I love watching him work like watching dice

I got to see dice do the uh the uh nursery rhymes on new year's one year one of my favorite things I've ever seen in my life the guys but just the education of having to file that fucking animal and everybody can say what they want Bob dice. Shit. He's a monster dude. That's a fucking monster That's a fucking monster comedy central like 91 great 91st greatest comic about time. You're fucking nuts, dude That guy is a fucking murder I used to listen I used to host on Sundays and the secret what like I said I've always been a cheater at the store. You gotta learn how to cheat at the store. They pay you 25 bucks You really think I'm gonna walk up and down those fucking stairs when I was 318 with a gram in my pocket

20 times to bring up 20 comics from 10 to 12 get the fuck out of here So I would go up. I would get to 10 o'clock spot. I'd call two people. I'd call dice first Dice judeism hosting tonight. Come on down. I'll put you up first really what time, you know what fucking time 10 o'clock Okay, I'll be there click if he'd say no I'd call rogan or I'd call mooney mooney. What are you doing? No, I'm at the house mooney. I'm hosting come on down at 10 o'clock. Really you gonna put me up at 10 Oh one. I'll put you up. I'll be there or sometimes say 11 And I'd even all right and I go to my guys and go listen. You're going up mooney's coming

All right, then people pissed. No, you're moving on my bag. What do you want me to do? I gotta do it Mitchy just called I Was fucking put them up and but my favorite was dice Morning I learned from but in a different way, but dice taught me how to blow up that room with control Were you doing it just to kill time or were you doing it just because you to see comedians you wanted to watch I knew that the best comics that came out of the store always hosted I knew to be really good. David Letterman the dude from america's funniest videos

A lot of those dudes hosted so it was a lot a Andy Garcia used to host on monday nights in the big in the big room The improv the hosts at the store have always been so I always wanted to learn how to host I always knew that you couldn't learn how to headline unless you learn how to host Everybody wants to headline how you gonna headline if you can't control the show Yeah, the quarterback is the fucking host you gotta get the party started That's the guy that gets the party started keeps it alive If he listen, you got a good headline of the host that show is deadly the best hosting job I've ever seen ever ever in my life

Dio Hugley the black show on hbo Def jam def jam towards the end hosted it got a standing ovation as a host that was always my goal never happened That is impossible to get a stand by premium blend when I did the stripper in a wheelchair bit Then he came out and it's like half his half the set was his reaction to my fucking bit dude He's he was great man. He's great dog There's just people who know how to control the game But to learn how to control the game you got a host you're at home the comics with home going Joey, how do I do that? I tell you how you do that if you're not working

You're working So you got the weekend off because you think you're a headline and you should be co-headlining But the town over Bethesda whatever fucking hellhole you live next to has a friday and saturday And they got some shitty it go down there. I'll host for free really I'll cancel the other host and you could drink and eat for free all weekend. Who gives a fuck you're practicing You're practicing and everybody wants to host at the store, but if you learn how to host in a bar God damn you get good fast dude when I started in la in vegas. That's where I started We had one open mic every other week with your boy scott ross scott ross

Doug stand up and start the scene then it was mean joe coy And when he was kind of doing his own thing I was doing my own thing and we had one open mic every other week So you'd always hear these stories about new york city comics getting up like five times a night You got to do it, man. I'm like fuck. I gotta get up every night as much as I can So I would go to bars and I go. Hey, man. What's your dead night? And they'd be like oh tuesday, but I go give me tuesday. You got stage. I'm gonna do an open mic Let's work out a deal. I make a little scratch. I get some stage time and some free drinks

I would just do Fucking an hour on stage in between each comic just working out killing hacklers, dude And I was born and bred in bars So when I came to la I was such a wild child because bars in vegas were nuts I had to learn how to do play comedy clubs But I had that fearless style of just going up there just fucking crazy, dude And then I get and then I get the training of the comedy store So it's like it's so it's like very rare that I will walk into a situation

I ain't been in a thousand times before And just but just knowing how to handle the situation if shit ain't going good be in the moment Talk about what the fuck's going on how they ain't liking you and you know what I'm not I'm not liking them So why don't we all just get past that and just like making funny jokes and get them back It's really amazing when you get out of the monologue and you just start being real with people How shit changes and that's what the comedy store forces you to do. You got to be in the moment, dude That's the other thing the comedy store teaches you to use your head as a comedy It teaches you that

You know what? I have a joke that's uh topical Okay But my spots at 11 They've already heard that joke. Yeah times. Yeah You gotta listen so I gotta throw that out the window even though it's your best joke right now. Yeah through it That's the it teaches you how to become really smart It teaches you how to go up there and

Fucking rage like My cheating for the comedy store. Yeah, what are you gonna ask me? What's your goal? When I go to the comedy store like out of a set. Yeah, okay? When I go to the comedy store when I perform at a club, I have two different fucking goals My goal when I perform in a club on a weekend and you're coming to pay and see me is to give you the best show possible And I take a few chances, but not really I give you but I've been working on because I want you to just flow and know the fuck I am and get the fuck out of there and laugh When I'm at the comedy store those 18 minutes

If you know as soon as the light gets on gets on i'm done I never run the light at the store Because there's no need to yeah, I'm like this is what I am at the store. Okay when I go to the store I got 14 and a half minutes left And I'm down by fucking nine With two minutes left to go There's seven plays and I gotta do six of them I'm gonna score we're gonna kick off. They're gonna fumble and then we're gonna do three more

That that that that's it. Did you hear what I just said to you when I go to the store I go to the bar I get water I get fucking worked up. I walk by listen to the laughter sometimes I was going I go in there. I sit in the back I smell The my favorite thing is to go up four comics behind before me and sit in there and watch the different comics and really laugh You steve burn Sebastian

Uh, hi guys a machine the fucking italian kid that no the other parents Not brennan. It's the other kid that's been going up. That kills me. That's my costa my costa Oh, my costa is another guy watch him follow you because the same guy. I'm not gonna say his name Didn't show up to follow you and I knew it was gonna happen to me man I go, uh, I saw you then him the me. I'm like, oh that dude ain't gonna show up Sure. She didn't show up and that was the first time I noticed it was with my costa and you were murdering You were doing your Caitlyn Jenner bit and it was murder And I'm like, oh man, who's gonna follow us and I look over there's costa and he's just walking over

He's like someone's gotta fucking do it. And you know what he walked up and he fucking took it He took it. You have to take it. You can't here's the secret you cannot There's two secrets one in your mind when you go to the store when you're driving to the store Lee I always call Lee Just so you guys know I always call Lee and tell him i'm gonna pick him up in 10 minutes before I tell him he's not gone Do you know why? Why?

Because i'm going to war Okay, I got no time to dilly-dally. I don't want to hear about his day. I don't want to hear about his fuck His girlfriend. I don't hear about his diet. I don't want to hear about nobody's diet I don't even put the fucking radio on I don't want to hear nothing about your shoes. No, no, no. I'm just saying, you know, I love You know, I love you at all my heart. I'm just saying when I drive to the store Down the hill. There's no radio. Yeah, there's no radio like that. I'm going to fucking war Okay, when you're when you're alone, you don't have the radio on no when I go to the store

Now he's in war mode. No, I'm in war mode. I got no time to talk I don't want to see nobody the best when I fucking get out of that car at the store when I park I go And I open up that fucking car door. I give docker hug. I walk into the kitchen I give the waitress a hug the bar. I get a water. I tip him. I walk back there. My mind is at war War like that's when you were a little kid. You had to fight that due to three o'clock after school. That's it That's where my head is at. I don't want to hear about the weather I don't want to hear like whatever you're saying to me. You could talk to me But it's really yeah, unless you say bomb or 10 million dollars. Yeah, you're not gonna get through me or

I got a blonde that's on a licky asshole. It's not gonna happen Whatever conversation you have with me when I'm at the store before I go on stage. It's not gonna work out for you What time does that uh main Wait, what what time do you start feeling like that? Like is it when you go to the car to go to the store? Is it like a dinner as I'm getting dressed as I'm putting my clothes ready As I'm putting my clothes on the bed To jump in the shower as I'm in the shower my mind's already going

What we're gonna do tonight what jokes we're gonna talk about no, but I'm also thinking about the new joke I'm gonna try which I gotta hide I gotta hide that's a big thing. That's the thing about the store You have the opportunity to try a new joke on tuesday. So I gotta figure out where to put it Where to put it and hide it and how to know how to get myself out of a hole if I go in that fucking hole. Yeah So would the difference basically be like at the store you can go crazy Because people didn't pay to see you But when people people pay to see you you have to be a little bit safer

That's so interesting because I feel the same way. It's like on the road I'm doing my act because people have come to see me at the comedy store. I want to fucking expand dude I want to expand my shit like I always try to work on new shit But on the road I'm trying to fucking I'm putting on a show for them And I don't know if sometimes that's backwards We're supposed to go on the road work on shit bring it back to la polish But the comedy store has always been this weird kind of dojo for me where it's like and even though Sometimes I don't know if it's still that if it's like I know it's the greatest club on the planet

And sometimes I'm just watching everybody just do murder the same murder set every time But it's like I like to work on new shit. I love trying to find a new Yeah, you have to hide in there Now I know you have to sell tickets But how what percentage of people do you think are coming to your shows from the podcast joey? 60% really

Do you think 15 of people that Yeah, you know 10 from comedy central. This is not happening Five from locals comedy slam. So that's the point Don't you think by them now that with the comedy people are so knowledgeable That they might even enjoy being like hey man, just go for if it goes bad that Here's the deal. Here's the deal Let's talk fucking business here in 2005 when the longest yard came out. I had great opportunities I had the guy from apa booking me

At that point, let's be honest at that point of comedy I was doing comedy for 14 fucking years I was nowhere close to being a fucking headliner. Do you know why? For as I was fucking around Because yeah, I was funny Listen, you give me a fucking joint And tell me there's gonna be a grandma blow afterward and me and trippley gonna go somewhere And there'll be a few broads there and some of them suck dick

You know what I could be fucking funny. I could be cute. I go up there with my club soda You know what I'm saying? I could have three bits and stretch it into an hour and ask questions and talk shit and Take chances. I could take chances and you know what? It's 50 fucking 50 You know what those people gonna go home I don't give a fuck what people think about society or how it works You know twitter facebook social media. There's nothing as strong as word of mouth How do you think aerosmith fucking got heard? We went over this

You know, it's 1970 fucking five people saying aerosmith is strung out on drugs. They're not gonna come back How did you fucking get known in those days? What did you do? You got in a bus? And you traveled from city to city 18 fucking times And you rocked and you went in there with different fucking bands and sometimes your headline the small bar But sometimes you're going there with fucking heart and be the one of the guys on the fucking, you know And your word gets out you grind, you know, you know what I had going on in 2005 You know why by 2007 my addiction was the highest whatever was because of all this shit Because my comedy wasn't working. Nothing had happened from the longest yard

Then the comedy should have been fucking working I had been doing it for 13 fucking years. I had been at the store for fucking eight years How can I be going to these clubs? I went to Atlanta I went to at that time, you know, I was laying down on stage hammered and fucking Beaumont. I owed deed I went to houston. I was drinking on stage that listen, man. No No Well, you know, you have to go I was thinking that that's what kennison did. That's what The greats did they got high and went up on stage and

They giggled and yeah, they had a little bit of material, but nothing was really really worked out and Jesus fucking christ. I was horrible at 14 fucking years. There was no stories. It was It was Rodney-ish It was very rodney-ish, you know, like no point to it. There was no personal life in there If it was personal it was something about a sex thing. How did that develop? laziness laziness a waste of fucking time

a waste of fucking time But I could do 20 minutes because of the store See the store was my cover. It was always my cheat Because it's not how many people you kill. It's who you kill If I go into the store once a week and I murdered that room The whole fucking town's gonna hate it every fucking week. Joey comes in kills and leaves. That's it He doesn't even get a drink. He doesn't even say hello. You don't even see it and get out. He's like a fucking vampire You're gonna play tony better. You're gonna fucking sit there

Look at you fucking higher than I can't. Great shaved head. Yeah, he looks beautiful. He looks beautiful These chocolates are good. They're always good. I love my that's one of my favorite parts of being here is how baked you get late I don't party anymore. So I get to live through you and how baked you looked right now You just look great. I'm glad to be of service. Thank you, man Oh my god I forgot about the two stars How you think I feel? Two star. Oh, you ate two stars

I wish you'd never Oh, man, I wish I loved weed. I like to go fast, dude They make weed that doesn't They make weed that gives you makes you feel like you're doing coke. I don't know if it's that much That'd be great But don't they have like active weed active weed. It's a tibia, but it's not what triple is looking for Triple is looking for a kick in the fucking ass is what he's looking for looking for the cleaned up man. I remember you I remember when you went to store in the beginning

You were young I always liked you. I always liked your trips And I always tell people this story because it's one of my favorites. I learned from you Sometimes that you just learned from people the main room It's like your second week. Mitzi puts you in there a bunch of old people. You're up there talking about ex Chinese people on ecstasy I'll never forget that they were staring at you and you're selling that joke like fucking I'm there and I know you had X in your pocket and god knows what else And then you had a beef with somebody one night to bother one of the bartenders

You fucking bohemid I walked in trips. You got to go you looked at me We and I'm like, oh this motherfucker's half Indian He gets crazy when he has a few cocktails. I was nuts, dude I was nuts and I was immature man. No, no, but that's what's part of that's what I like to buy you that Listen, man, I don't want a guy that goes in there, you know, sometimes a comic That that was my problem, you know, I had watched too many fucking he through Hollywood stories And you watch this bill Hicks and you watch this pride. Yeah, and you watch this This uh, kennison and and the behavior was great, but that behavior is unacceptable in the comedy world today

Oh, yeah, 100 it would get out in a minute in a minute You go to a club now and you do eight balls and don't show up It's it's too politically correct. The club scene. Nobody you don't hear about nobody fucking up no more Like 10 years ago, you heard it every week. Who was at a club who fell under a fucking table? I mean Fuck 15 years ago. The comedy scene was different. Yeah And 15 years ago before that, you know, you look at all those pictures of the comedy story He's got everybody's got a fucking drink in their hand. Everybody's doing blow off in the main room You know, I know they still do drugs up there. I don't see it. Yeah, I don't see I heard that too. Nobody tells me about anymore

No, no, it has nothing to do with you. You don't have the aura You don't have the aura. Yeah, you know, we went up there the aura is all over you You know, it was a wide open, you know, how many times did how many fucking times at the store that people give me shit How many fucking times at the store? Did people give me fucking drugs? Just just ignite me Like that, you know, a lot of people have different opinions about that place for some of them They say it's like the fucking Satan's house. Yeah, like it brings your addictions

So I was thinking about a story that I went there one night I used to hook up with this little fucking hot redhead there 15 years ago just on sunday nights I mean, she gave me that shit ecstasy the shit you drink She came up on a water bottle one night. We were drinking on the stairs She was fucking crazy and so was I she was the wrong person for me to meet at that time in my life This is 98 97. I was basically living in my car I would hook up with her on sundays. I'd go over there do laundry steal her quarters Fucking do laundry fucking

Eat her ass. We do drugs all night. We get fucked up on monday morning. I packed I take a good shower Because I knew I was back on my own again Back to fucking curse on the car taking showers at Ralphie's And this went on and then I didn't see her And she went on to do heroin bro. She had a tremendous medicine closet You know, let's say I don't know. I was 36. She took me to a Janet Jackson concert. This chick liked me. I liked her But I knew that she was crazy. I knew she was dating other dudes, you know what I'm saying?

I knew when I went over there the phone ring the night I was you know, it was always drama But I didn't I was very happy just to be with her I hadn't seen no and then she started calling me and one night I'm at the fucking store And I had Marilyn Martinez. God bless her. So she just it was eight weeks eight years last week Oh my god, really? It's been that long november 3rd was eight years. Eight years. I stopped doing blow Got right around there the seventh to fifth eight years. I have not touched cocaine eight years right around malin death death Marilyn was holding eight balls from I was doing this fucking scam and I didn't want to coke in my house

And that was the way I was gonna pay for something. That was my insurance So every time I made a deal I would take five grams out and I keep You know two and a half and I give Marilyn a rock eight ball and I go malin didn't do it So I gave Marilyn like ten of these fucking packets Over about a three week period That's like a coke savings bank like uh, yeah to hold for right to hold like ten coke bank And one night, you know, I just get this fucking Wow feeling at this time. I'm I'm living on Gavin's couch

And I thought about taking the coke to el compadre and selling it on a sunday night Like just nobody's ever there on sundays. Let me go get you know, if I get 200 a package Five of those packets now do the other ones, you know And I called Marilyn that saturday night and I go Marilyn do me a favor bring that shit to me She's like really I go yeah bring them bring it over. She came back. It was a manila fucking envelope filled with eight balls I took it I took it in the trunk and I put it in gentry's car Gentry used to lend me her car back then And I put it in the trunk of her car and I went to Gavin's

But no before I went to Gavin's I was doing fine that night I was not snorting blow again. I repeat I was not snorting blow. I knew that what was on that trunk would kill me and I wouldn't start stop I would not fucking stop Do you know I go on stage at the store, you know saturday night 1145 full house Fucking level the room with stupid fucking jokes as i'm walking out this I used to do a lot of cocaine jokes in those days As i'm walking out some guy comes up to me and put something in my hand

I look at it and it's a baggie And there's maybe two lines in there A little taste in those days I could do a line Drink a soda eat something and go to sleep good Yeah, that's how high I had the the coke in those days I could do a little one little line of coke and a little just dubbed jerk off real fucking good Come all over my leg. I would go in the living room Fucking make a sandwich eat it drink a soda and smoke like two cigarettes. I'm done

After that whack off in the turkey sandwich. I'm going to bed black off in a turkey sandwich But dawg as I was snorting it started burning my nose Like a motherfucker. I'm like this is speed And I went home. I couldn't stop jerking off. I jerked off like 18 times All of a sudden about five in the morning. I was just thinking about this the other day about five in the morning The fucking page it goes off. I'm in my tent jerk off The fucking page it goes off and who do you think it is the fucking reddit? Oh my fucking god. I called the back. She's like, what are you doing? Where are you? I go on my gav and she goes

I'm picking you right up Fucking ten minutes and I'm honk honk. I get in the car. I don't know where this bitch went at six in the morning She got two bottles of vodka in that case of Starbucks coffees Those think coffees. Yeah, and we went back to a house by the director's guild Yeah, and fucking we started snorting next thing you know, I took the 10 packages I took the 10 packages out. I went over there with fucking 20 fucking grams 30 fucking grams of blow Sunday morning at 6 a.m. Oh my oh my god now She had a sink and over the sink. There was a cabinet in that cabinet

I swear to fucking my daughter mercy that woman had everything Like when I would go over there on Sundays and spend the night in the morning She goes, do you need anything for the week? And I go, what do you got? Well, I have these canal patents and I have this I have a little mdma She just give me a bag of goodies. I leave there with three sleeping pills Two models if you only want to sleep three hours, I have these if you want to sleep 10 hours I have these if you go on international She's like a voodoo dog. This chick was on she was tapped into that whole thing

That's women and then she would disappear for 15 minutes and she thought you know She thought like joey fell off a fucking banana truck She told me she disappeared she disappeared for 20 minutes, bro And then she'd come back with a nod with a fucking lingerie on And she'd do a crazy dance for me I'd have to sit there all coked up and put on with it. Listen when you're coked up ladies I got advice for you If a guy's coked up and you're with him, he don't want to see you dance

All he wants to see you do is suck his dick When you're sitting there all coked up and you think there's something on the other side of the fucking wall You know what if this goes down, I want my dick sucked. I don't want some girl dancing for me Oh my god, and she started dancing And we come we and the triple you know me a long time I would empty the package and cut it into like five lines We were at that point like by one o'clock in the afternoon. Oh my god We my heart was beating we put dirty movies on in three different rooms

I mean we were smoking cigarettes. It was fucking awesome This story makes me want to go take a shit right now This started on sunday. It went all the way to monday. Oh, man We fell asleep monday afternoon and tuesday. I had somebody pick me up But here's the moral of the story thursday I was still barfing from all the valium. She gave me. Oh my god. Everything she had we ate Like we ate every hour. She came back with a different fucking pill And I remember driving and being at a light like on kawanga in hollywood

And all of a sudden I felt the puke coming up two days later And all of a sudden I went to cover my mouth And the puke came out and I had fingers open and it just squirted in different directions and one of them squirted up Oh my god, one of them squirted up and as i'm driving it kept squirting on my roof And I had to wipe it all god. It was horrible. That was the last bender Oh, really that bender with somebody that I went on like after that. I never called that crazy bitch back She called me Years later after that

And she goes, how you doing and I was going to new york to do uh Analyze that that was big for me. Yeah, and I was at the store and she called and she goes I'm at denny's remember when denny's was on sunset next to now. What's at denny's the jewish place the israeli place Oh, uh aroma aroma before aroma was something else before and that denny's guys Shady, that was the real deal If you walked in there at three o'clock. Oh my fucking god So I go she goes i'm at denny's come meet me. I go to denny's dog And that was it

She had the bags on the eyes She was nodding she had bruises on her legs She had a skirt on She looked like fucking that the head had been pulled for like three months And this was a beautiful fucking girl heroin you think it was heroin and then we started talking and she's like i would love you to finger me here And I was like are you fucking I mean she was gone gone and listen don't get me wrong anybody else

I was just had I just wanted to go to new york and shoot this fucking movie. I didn't want to do blow I knew just getting like a right finger that it was all I was gonna miss this flight And I'm like this is the last thing I need and then I never saw her again and guess what guys Boom, I saw on a fucking commercial for a plus size Then I saw another commercial for something else recently. No, this is like because I hadn't seen her This went down in 97 The drug fucking overdose at a house And then that thing would analyze that had to be 2003

And when I popped along issue 2005 she started popping up in commercials And then I bumped into it one day at the at the thing on fairfax And holly and sunset what's that grocery store there? We're rocking route No, no, no, no, no, no right on fairfax on the corner there. They're fucking whole Oh, the uh, yeah, yeah, yeah level. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I bumped into a fucking there and Peter jose. No, no, no, it's uh, it's a smaller one. See the one of those tiny the whole food It's the fucking ritzy people. Yeah, but fave man used to live down the corner So we used to go there for lunch and I went over there and that's when I see and she goes

Yeah, I'm kicking ass with whatever I got off the heroin She goes the guy was dating rob me and gave me hepatitis and shit and fucking vd and They found me on the corner almost dead. It was horrible. Oh my god And I go that night. I saw you what were you on and she goes one guy She goes the last time I saw you was that three fucking day bent You never called after that. Oh, it was you know I I didn't mind going deep in those days. That was just too deep. Oh, yeah

And every time I saw over these over the six or seven months We got deeper and deeper and deeper then one night She just took me too fucking deep and that's it. Nobody makes me do 25 fucking grams of fucking blow overnight That's crazy, dude. I used to do a lot. I used to party a lot too, man And I was telling my friend the other day I remember one time because sometimes when you're doing you're in your blow phase You forget where you got to be the next day And I was doing a ton of fucking blow, dude, and then I got a call from paul hues. He's like, hey man

Are you ready? I go what he goes we got that fucking charity event today. I'm like, oh fuck It was I had to do a police PD Charity event to keep kids in the inner city off of drugs and I was fucking coked out of my goddamn Skull, dude A little bit of coke a little bit of speed and I was jacked and I remember showing up and going Oh, dude, just don't sweat too much because everybody here is a fucking cop, man And I went up there and like the worst thing the hardest part about doing that that

That gig was like not only do I have to probably not be on drugs But I also have to do work somewhat clean and not offend anybody and that's the worst thing because They were doing stuff about one guy goes, you know, let's give it up for officer garcia one of the best mexican police I'm not mexican, dude. I'm porto reekin and they were like they were getting in fighting on who was like porto reekin first So they were like super fucking, you know Sensitive, dude. I'm like, oh man I had to do 50 minutes. I did like 10 Survived and then they wanted to take pictures with me after and I'm like, oh, you're fucking killing me, right?

So I'm like, okay. I'm taking pictures and I'm just like Just fucking whacked out of my skull and I'm everything's going good. And then I see a cop go Like kind of give me that look like hey, what's going out this guy? I'm like later And I just fucking wham out the door and I got away, but it was the craziest fucking shit ever just me Coked out of my skull doing jokes to cops of her children. It was fucking nuts. That's the place I would put my no idea how I lasted 10 years in this town Doing the blow I was doing and I could lie to everybody

And tell you well Michael Cain happened Michael Cain happened went on fire came down here from seattle I think I did well for about a month Then they told me the door man sold blow when I got a package here a package there Then I got that taco bell commercial. I got that check for like 1900 the first one 1900 when you get here as your first check 1900 was a million dollars to me at that time and then I made 80 000 in four or five months I was going out and picking up whatever

Like a gram and a half two grams like I remember living in the hotel that is the hostel now Yeah When it was a hotel and you were only allowed to live in there for three weeks and then you had to move out I was just telling the story in crappies. I used to live there too. Oh my god. You have no idea The things that happened to me. Where would you go for that other week? You'd have to go to another hospital No, you have to go up to where they had another hotel around the corner On because you can only say for three weeks. Yeah, so you didn't get renters in rights

So they'd always make you keep moving So I would usually go on the road Or I never had had to go to the other one. The other one was where is the pizza places now? There's a pizza place on kawanga and I forget that street up there. It's kind of a dirty street. There's wilcox There was one on wilcox. There's one right over there It's now the hostel then there was one kind of right near where a capital records is right across the street up a little bit There was one right there And I used to I got banned from there. You know why I told the story on the crappies is that

I I when I first moved there me and scott ross were living together Scott didn't have enough money at the time to go get an apartment So we were saved the money I'd saved in vegas to get an apartment. He was just trying to make a little money at starbucks We were literally living off him ripping off starbucks and eating 29 set hamburgers from mcdonnell's at the time Because they were having that big like what 50 years ago deal 29 said we would live off that We'd buy like 30 hamburgers and we'd eat that for the rest of the week because we were so fucking broke, right? So uh, he would work at starbucks. I was trying to find a job

So we'd stay in this hotel and he would go out and do stand-up and I would try to do stand-up too He was a little farther ahead at that time. So I it was late night. It was so hot in these weeklies That I would leave the my my hotel room just to walk around hollywood boulevard Just to walk around and I did it like for two weeks straight. I'd always leave my hotel Well one week. I'm asleep. I get knocked on the fucking door. It's the it's the manager He's like you got to fucking go dude. I go what and he's got these two fucking giant black guys with him too huge They're fucking he's like you gotta go. I go why he goes. I don't have to tell you why I go dude Okay, I mean like I'll go but what did I do? He goes mother fucker. You're leaving here every night

We know you're a fucking hooker dude. You're a gay hooker We know you're hooking you're selling your ass and we don't let that shit happen here at the at this fucking place I got kicked out of my place because they thought I was a gay hooker So they throw all my shit out into my car. I drive to starbucks. What was their evidence? Because I was just leaving the house That was what they took as a sign of gay hooker And I go and I tell scott ross christian slater just staring at me as I'm fucking balling that I just got kicked out of a weekly because they thought I was a gay hooker

No, don't I had listen again every time I think of that creepy hotel because it was creepy when I was there Hey, we did it now. It's the hostel. What are the what were the rooms like like if you're living in a hotel the worst This room was a room this big It had a double bed that fucking squeak the leg was broken. There was no mice or no rats No, there was a hot plate a little refrigerator a tv There was a table a chair and like a little couch and then the bathroom was horrific It was just a little fucking shower. It was clean. It wasn't bad I forget what it was at night that one old something a week or something

It wasn't bad. You didn't have to share the shower. Yeah, which I like like I lived in san francisco Where you had to share a shower a bathroom in a shower you have to stop in the middle of the night and go on the hallway And take a shower. I was living with a girl. I got to go with I don't want nobody knocking on the door Then somebody burglarizes your apartment. You got to watch your door at the fucking shower You know, that's what people are waiting for if you're going to shower and they go and see if you left your door open Boom, it's open fucking season. I lived off that shit for fucking years I was a shower dweller. You mean they mean you you would wait for people to do that. Oh fucking san francisco like a motherfucker There was a bookmaker. I got his keys. He'd take it like an hour

I get used to get his keys and made the fucking copy and put them back and then I rob them every week those slips I was fucking nuts. Look at lee lee. What's up over there cocksucker? Just fucking high Yeah That's great. Let me give some shout outs. You know, I didn't bring my glasses or I might say your name wrong Gino Jackabelle and the fucking crew from whole bulk and thank you for bringing me the cheese I brought it back with me. They brought me some fresh mozzarella from whole bulk and and a big pie and some wine

I drank a bottle of wine. I gave the other wine to the staff The fucking pizza I shared with the staff with the moots. I brought back with me and I made a tremendous sandwich yesterday So I give you my heart Gino. Love you. Thank you for doing that Uh, andrew no dow. I love you cocksucker. You're a savage pat she Kicking ass with the podcast christian. Thank you for the chicken cutlets Sean tap. Thank you for the time my brother Joe kenyon. I'm sorry that I I could I was confused

Joe kenyon showed up thursday night and I knew I knew him with the long hand He had the patch but I couldn't put it together till I got back to my hotel But you know, I love you cocksucker that Troy christian Yeah, this jagged hips Fuck That's what nashville and the other death watch chapters. Oh, they're all good man Brendan a and chandler Riley. I love you cocksuckers Something fucking funny happened this weekend. Tell me I got to talk to you guys about it because

It was a lesson from comedy Fucking uh, I went back. I did the stress factor. You ever do the stress now. I'm never done it runs. We nice little club Uh, good crowds crazy. They try to be politically correct. You gotta school them up front and then you can take them where you want to Yeah, great fucking audiences this weekend But you know, man, you come out here and You do this you do that, you know My egos and check, you know, I'm very happy. I love Lee. I love you guys I

I don't have to be at the store every night anymore fighting, you know trying to talk shit and listen to fucking people telling me My job to the fucking steps waiting for a spot remember these to be a lot more Creepy people taking years ago that didn't have a spot that what they were comics and they got spots But they didn't get spots and they still go up there and they'd be lurking the list and go home go somewhere else You know, yeah, I don't get that You know, I've been very fortunate But I didn't realize how fortunate I was till this weekend when I went to jersey And you know 80 of my friends came out

And I'm looking at these guys and I'm like These guys don't want nothing from me These are the ones that the the girl that used to forge my report cards And I got left back in the seventh grade and I was retarded she showed up with her sister You know checking my brain showed up the fireman Anthony Avila showed up. I grew up at these guys houses I mean literally since the time I'm 15 We're talking about I drank punch in this house one time with bees in it I bees and he goes, you know, I told you there was a shoe in there too. We just were a shoe in this boat

You know, these are you know, focaccia the kid who drove me to pink floyd We went to pink floyd little balloons. What's his name focaccia? Joe focaccia Same was there like oh shit same was there. It was fucking amazing, man Focaccia this girl was there marjorie. Oh, I swaps a bit with on my fucking stairs in the seventh grade One time, you know, we had a crush. She was a cheerleader And then whatever she grew up and I grew up and She told me something at the end of the show somebody she can't we were eating like we were 12

The guy brought gino brought pizza And she took a slice of pizza and she goes do you remember when I drove down the shore To watch you open for people I opened for this dude once down in rascals And I walk off stage and I have another show on friday and the dog I goes There's some people here to see you I go on he goes. I swear to god go to the bar There's two women three women there to see I go in it's

Marjorie with two of her friends. They were like, you were great That was fucking great. You made me so proud Jesus christ. What are you doing here? You know what I'm saying? But here she is I gotta tell you this had to be 2000 2001 Here she is 13 years later and she told me She was cocoa. What didn't I go and she goes I went to that horrible show in new york Did I ever tell you guys I did the one man's show in new york?

Oh my god, and I taped it and I sent it out and I never got that one bite from it video Video and are you do you still have it? I lit that thing on Let me tell you what happened. Let me tell you what happened. I'm not no no no I don't like none of that stuff when I moved from hollywood up here I had, you know 200 dcd's uh You know vhs tracks

And you got to figure out what to fuck to do with them So you have to put them in and see what's on them. I fucking found it and guys Listen, I cry easy but this Oh my god, I cried a horrible tear I couldn't believe how fucking bad I was But I didn't think I was good at that time

I was chasing an envelope You know, it was until I stopped chasing an envelope That comedy was what I loved and then I got good at it It was 98 99 josh wilford just got a half a million dollar fucking deal For doing a one-man show one time one time at a workspace one fucking time You got half a million deal half a million dollar deal That guy's gold two times From one fucking story one night never done again

And it was all moves All mind games one guy made an offer Since it was hot somebody else made an offer Since it was hot somebody else made an offer and all of a sudden boom You had somebody just said what's the offer here? What do we need to do here boom? That's the envelope. We're fucking right We're developing it. We're doing this and this and this it was fucking amazing That was one and then everybody started doing one-man shows. Oh, yeah, and I had an idea and the intermission was biggie respect

Oh my god And it was that like one of the workspaces In the village and all my friends were it seated like a hundred and like 89 people went, you know, how much money I made guys A fucking nothing they gave you nothing. It was a workspace. They swallowed the 25 fucking bucks Not a dime that I fucking get not a not even a fucking thank you. Oh my god. I took the people from HBO. We're gonna be there. Oh gods Nothing then I did it again here What is it don't they have one here the HBO workspace they used to on the Yeah, yeah, it's on uh, it's on uh, Santa Monica Santa Monica. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yes

That's where I did the first ever naughty show. Did you really? Yeah. I was the first one to sell out that little room I couldn't believe they're like no one's ever packed it like this packed it out. No booze, right booze They're like they have like beer or the naughty show. We did great shit. We did hidden camera stuff I did somewhere I went door to door knocking on people's uh doors telling them I was a registered sex offender I was moving into the neighborhood I still haven't understood But you know, I I still can't understand why a lot of shows even fucking made triply

Ari and I had this this discussion once about him that one day I Tripped I don't know nothing about pornography Okay, I'm a 52 year old guy That if a porno girl walked in here, I wouldn't know what she is I do not go to strip clubs. I ain't there not current at all How many times have I driven how many times have I gone to the store? How many times have I driven past that strip club? The one right down seven veil crazy girls

No, the one closest to the store. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I forget the name one that they lit on fire Jewish lighting and they found the fucking second Jew lightning a week during the hot during Passover 10 years ago. Okay, you have that I've never been to none of those to seven veil when Mike when the girl I moved to LA Wait was a strip of the one on lasianica Oh, I know. Oh, yes down by cross street from the uh, yes down there Theater she danced down there. Fuck a chick out there. It was so great. I just drive up in the break Yeah, she come out my fucker in my car. That's a crazy strip club. That's a nap. That's where I saw chris farley

Like three weeks, maybe a month before he died Fucking gills ill to the coke top and at that place they have a you have you can't even do a lap dance You have to do a lap dance five feet away. Yeah, he was just throwing money out of he was sweating profusiously It was fucking horrific. But the moral of the story is and I'm sorry to fucking take you there Was uh, just seeing these people what they meant to me like I'm not the type of person that does shit for people Like, you know, you always hear kids that well

I got in the you know into the car painting business because you were a car painter. You know, I couldn't imagine doing that But I guess part of the fucking thing for me when I got into comedy was I didn't want to leave a loser like I left there a fucking loser like just fucking total. I mean guys, no There was nothing I didn't leave there with nobody would have said hey listen I'm about a thousand dollars that that guy lives in five more years. Right. I wasn't fat. I was in shape But there was no way I left there. I left there with no dignity whatsoever No in two ten eighty five when I left that no dignity What a different then I went back in 91

And some people had forgotten but people were like just stay away from So they stood away from me. Here I am 30 something years old working at a sandwich shop at a fucking delivery boy Doing comedy in the city fucking driving a limo at night like oh my god And all the people I went to high school would go to this deli and they'd see me fucking rapping sandwiches and shit And I'm like I really got to do something with my fucking life. This is it. This is it. I'm 30 some years old Faxing fucking menus to fucking businesses and I'm doing okay People would fucking die if they knew what I was doing that delivery business You know, I would go in there at 10 and walk out of two. I'm walking out of there with a yard and a half

Cash nobody knew about it. And now I'm heading to another fucking gig, you know, and I'm snorting. I'm going into the city I'm picking up grams for Tripoli. I'm picking them up at 25. I'm giving them to Tripoli for fucking 50 and he's buying three a day. Come on. I'm living like a fucking doctor I was passing around Sales packages. He was giving me four bills a week. He was giving me fucking 10 sales packages dropping whatever you want to do three days. I dropped off 10 sales packages He gave me four bills on Friday. I was a fucking cash register just fucking worked and champion and nobody do nothing Everything was all fucking cash

It was oh my god, and here I'm trying to calm me and I'm sucking Sam Tripoli And every day I go to that sandwich shop and people come in. Hey, man So here you stand up. How's it going? Like, you know, people are just shitting on me every day Do you do carolines? No, not really Oh, really? Do you know who this guy is? You know who Sam Tripoli is? No, not really. You know what the fucking you feel like you feel like a fucking off I had already done prison time and here I am back in my hometown fucking making sandwiches And I remember going after 10 months going well, I don't want to fucking keep making sandwiches

But if I go to colorado, I really got to dive into this fucking comedy game and play it for keeps And I fucking committed to it and here we fucking are Sammy Trips, you know And you're killing the game since the beginning. I'm not killing the game from the beginning. We all know Doug I'm an old dog and like I just revealed tonight on the podcast when I go to the comedy store It's like somebody doing steroids. I know every nook and cranny. I've done so much dude Some of the hardest sets I remember before you left And I was just starting to really get my groove man. I was starting to like, okay I'm getting comedy right now. I'm starting to get it and I followed you one day, man

And it was so bad. It sticks out my mind as a top There's been probably two bombs I've had in there that were so bad They stayed with those marks will stay with me for the rest of my life One was following Lisa Lampinelli Late night and the other one was following you and I remember following you and man You just went up you gave me a good intro and I go up there and I'm just throwing what I thought were classics at that time Not really having any kind of tools to deal with the situation Just throwing fucking punchlines into an abyss of like nobody reacting

I mean flatlining for 15 minutes and I remember running out to my car and just sitting there going Man, I what am I doing in this fucking business, man? I've been doing this for at the time eight years I thought I should have been somewhere by now And you know, I'd had a little fucking bumps in my career some some negative bumps in my career And I was just like maybe this isn't for me, man Education did education if you're not if you don't look back And you don't have 15 to 20

not bombs But embarrassing that nations just fucking where It's something it's just I you cannot put your finger on if it's your shirt The way you look maybe your ego your shirt It would be that that would be the reason dude could be any league It could be anything how you walk up. What kind of beer you have in your hand how you're holding your beer Does it reflect me that there's so many little things? What do people say? How long does it take for people to judge you 10 8 seconds 32 seconds or whatever the fuck?

I've had people tell me that uh after my second they said I didn't want to like you when you walked up. I'm like, why? It's a it's a stand-up club. It's not a police lineup. You're not picking who fucking raped you. I'm telling jokes here, man Why wouldn't you want to like me? But that's just the thing I talk about on stage. I have a very dark look on stage You know, I don't walk up. I'm not a wacky funny telling ha ha's. You know what I'm saying? Spitting ha ha's at the kids. I'm fucking up there. I'm walking up there looking like a fat vampire Fucking people wondering what's going on. Look at the shape of lead though That's what's going on right there sammy trips. Look at the shape of this fucking dude He's in the deep deep deep deep abyss today

Sammy trips. Let me tell you something. There was a couple Dimes I had a follow money, which was a fucking disaster There was a couple times Dama rara Which at the time he didn't like me so he'd go a little harder. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, he didn't like me at first either. Oh my god. He didn't like none of us guys When we first got to the store. Oh, he used to he gave me a shitty intro. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah He used to do while willy parson's used to give me shitty intros But uh, there was one bomb that I went home and really

I said that's it. It just has to change all the day improv I Was I got sandwiched in between nick de paulo and and dugs dano better follow me. Oh, wow and the host was horrific And nick, you know just enough. This is 2000. This is 99 nick Just at his fucking machine writing brilliance And before he went up somebody else went up in that caliber. I can't I don't remember who I'm not gonna say him Make up a name, but it was somebody in this caliber and then I went up

And I died and then stand home went out and took it to a different level and part of it was goofing on me and I wasn't mad at st. Hope for goofing on me not at all I was mad at myself because I I got sucked into it And I stopped at the time I was living in my car And I would go to the store and snort till four and then go to The cook I would go sleeping. We got sleeping Buddha over here. I would go to

I would go to ivone I would go to ivone if everybody would leave me at the store I would go to ivone And I'd park an ivone in front of a business down the corner from that restaurant And I'd fucking sleep there till five and then I'd go inside and I'd sell screws and nuts and bolts The phone But they had a fucking 1 800 number So I got all the comedy club numbers

And I would fax everybody in my schedules every week Just kept doing it kept doing it Schedules of what? Just made up fake schedules from november of 98 to fucking march of 99. This is what I got You know, and I would write on a calendar and mail it to my friends. Did I know about you did that? Yeah, you had to do that in those days. That was before the computer craze really came in Then there was a 99. There was people that you emailed and they would email you back. What bookings email I'm never gonna fucking come like I stayed away from emails. They should fuck you

But you had a fax So now I had access. I would have to fax other people and then I throw my faxes in between Jesus christ. How many fucking faxes do you send out? All those cost money, right? Yeah in those days it cost money So I used to just fax my schedules to people and brother little by little people started calling And I started filling in weeks. Oh pass. Oh That's why I do now People started fucking hit me up and that's how I got on the road in the beginning little by little

I was selling screws on the phone 200 300 a week before that I was selling investment packages to some fucking movie and toys with organs On vine with chewy used to live in that same building. Where's chewy? He living in that building probably but in that building there was a dude from Not's landing and he was the office manager. Yeah, and there was three of us or four of us and you had to be there at 12 12 to 4 And you oh Jesus christ, right? I'm a little fucking thing. I gotta pee too, but I'm holding it in That's perfect because we'll do the fuck. Hold on. You got to take a key

If not, you'll just stand up. I'm crazy. He go right here. Jesus christ. He go You're the best dude. All right. Let's fucking understand Lisa. Yeah, look. He fucking leaves the door open. What are you fucking boy? Jesus christ almighty? Anyway, we did the best fucking we can't I'm happy people tagged in I hope you like the fucking curtains It's a no a whole new look for mr. Flavor here. Let's start with the fucking host of the year. I love these people You know today I went to fucking jiu-jitsu In the middle of my thing I'm thinking about how

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Anyway, go to nailed it life.com right now and press in joey bs and get 20 percent off the vapor pen Which is usually 50 you get it for 40. Who's better than you? Now do me a favor vegas. I don't ask you for fucking nothing You know me and you with we're fucking straight. You bailed me on this special. You came out do me a favor Sam triply like I was about to tell him before he fucking ruled the interrupter and got up like this Oh snaps, let me explain something. I was gonna explode. I tried you gotta you gotta be a gentleman You gotta go hold on can I interrupt before you got up like fucking somebody shot you Who shot you I remember one day I was talking to ari and uh, I went somewhere and I saw him doing the naughty show

And like I said, I don't know about strippers. How am I fucking porno people? You know what if I gotta be honest with you when I'm around porno people my skin fucking I feel itchy So, uh, you know, so I looked in there and I looked at you on stage dog And I gotta tell you I told ari this exactly like oh, you know when you watch triply doing this naughty show It's a shame because one when he's on stage I could if I could tube it and say don't there's a chick back there wants to lick your ass or get off stage right now If you're having a good time, you won't do nothing and you were made for that show like you pick your genre

That's it. It's your show the thing that shames me is that It should be on once a week on showtime for 13 weeks with different comic different girls A female host they got all this other perversion down We might as well put down 11 o'clock Thursday night 12 o'clock 1 a.m. Who gives a fuck just something completely different Nobody's sold it. No, you know, I know you were doing something with comedy set whatever it's just uh It's just so we know the shit that matters that should be on tv with all the channels we have You know right now. There's got to be fxxx Which will show titties after one. Yeah, I'll live with titties in the bikini if they let sam hoes to tell his fucking jokes and

Fucko dresses up like a bunny and does catapult side of a fucking cannon, you know something completely different Stand up with a circus. I would love to see something like that a fucking I try dude I'm still trying. Why don't you just dream it on a porn site? Well, no, I'm trying to feel like pornhub to stream it Oh, because it's you know, I think it's just more I think porn stars are just a small part of this really big circus It wasn't it was a show that had porn stars It wasn't porn show but no, but I know it's on a porn show but pornhub is one of the biggest sites in the world Yeah, I think when you put it on a porn site, they just want to see girls get fucked I want people to come and be like, you know, I I mean I'm not against it

But I just want to you know, it was meant to be where people could get Do real shit and have fun and we used to pack it out We did it like for six years live and it was fun But now I want to stream it somewhere and I'm just looking for the right place to stream it And you know, there's a bit of billion knockoffs of it the funniest part about the naughty shows everybody thinks they do the naughty show Without me they've tried it their hardest They can please me like just uh, they don't take me into account and it's like That's what I do. I'm really good in the fucking moment, man. And

So we're working. I I'd like to live stream it or do it on pay-per-view. That's kind of my goal I'm just trying to find the right place that will let the people who come up and let me shoot that fucking shit You know for years you bump really can I get a water? For years you bump into people and they um Develop this and develop that and they sell you your their idea and you smile and you wish them luck and You know, you go home and take a shower your concept

to this day You should make some more fucking noise like I don't make enough noise on the goddamn podcast So high right now you should have got a hammer hit it with fucking wall. Why don't you do that? Such a great television You uh, you know, you say to yourself this show Showtime's got nine different channels You know I'm saying nine different channels. There's a show on HBO that I found Fucking amazing. I do not like porn

I don't like nothing about it. I can't watch it. I'll jerk off from memory Yeah, I do that too highlight reels shows me a tit you guys can do it Something right but I jerk off from it. I do I do my highlight reel. Oh my god, but There's a girl on HBO Or showtime that has a show and she comes on and she sits on a stool Completely naked porn star Yeah, but yeah, yeah, it's completely naked real cute. I know what you're talking about looks sounds acts Just like felicia michael's

First time I saw that by mistake and a whole tyrum. I'm like is that fucking felicia? You know, she's squeaky really cute fucking This body and she sits there and talks about the blow job in 1882 and how They fucking did this and they did that and they did this And it's I gotta tell you I fucking hate all that shit and she holds me. You know why she holds me She's cute. She's her. She's not trying to be anybody. She's a fucking dipshit And then she goes back to her own movies This is me when I first started with no tits and you see the guy fucking and she's yelling with a fucking

It's a fucking interesting show She talks about her clit and then she talks about other women's clits and there's not four women going And they're faking and all four of them are getting more and more fatter every fucking week It's just her and she's always looks good. I don't know if the shows are old. I don't know if they're new I don't know if they just I forget the name but why why can't Sam's triply circus from fucking naughty show come on or naughty show. I don't know man. I may disrespect you I'm just saying when I saw it to me. It was a fucking circus of funniness. It was something that I hadn't seen It was like, uh, I don't know. It was it was at the improv. Yeah, I did the w

Recently I put 200 people in there people love the show dude. It's a great show And I'm talking. Oh, yeah, sorry about that. It's a great show and you know, I'm with you dude I think about that all the time like why didn't I do this? Why so Saturday night is you and my main man ryan sick We're at the we're at backstage bar and billiards. I don't know if you ever met big daddy carlos Who owns velvet margarita on uh, kuanga They open a place down there. It's this nice place fleet place bars. It's been there. Oh, hey, hey, tommy, okay Yeah, yeah, yeah, so we're out there and it's uh, it's gonna be a good time, dude An hour of fucking power. I promise you that I got this hour. I'm trying to find somebody. Let me shoot it

I might just go fund me get fucking 12 grand shoot it myself shoot it like crisp nice But do it myself and uh, so that's you know, I got this hour that I fucking love dude It's like all these crazy stories and sick. Let's do an hour or two Well, we'll probably do uh, we'll probably end up both doing like about 40 each I'll let him close. We don't we always go. We were going who's open. No, it's gonna be me and him Me and ryan sickler. Then we've got some locals who Uh, this chick named sharp. She's really funny gooch. Do you know gooch from vegas? Brandon gooch hon. He's like does the little radio station

Literally one of the funniest dudes like if he was in la do gray and then uh, matt markman who's one of my favorite people Hilarious comic man, vegas is an interesting scene dude because there's so very interesting so many theaters There's a ton of shit during the week people go up sometimes from la they go to vegas To hang out with edwin san Juan. Edwin's fucking killing it. I love edwin We have a bunch of people out there where you have like dole boy and uh, freddy career. Yeah freddy's great, too They got a nice little scene man. Listen. I want to be here in there That's my goal because I used to go college there and that's where I started But I think it's going to be an artist community if you work hard and you got a little cash with you

You can do show like within these these hotels are trying to keep people in the hotel So they want to have shows and now what they're doing is they'll have one stage They'll have like five shows in it during the day So you have family shows during the day from noon and they go all the way to midnight every two hours. There's a new show To show you're doing saturday. What do they get fucking tickets at they go to ticket fly. It's called comedy chaos Let's say i'm a communist sam trippley.com or you can buy at the door. All right, so you can buy the $15 make your holla That's it. Love you saturday. What's the date? That's the 21st. Do me a favor You don't don't fuck with you people go down there hang out bring them a fucking whatever trying to put a cosby

And whatever the fuck you want to do Bill Cosby me that'd be hot watch his drink put a cosby. I've been roofie dude in cleveland. You did. Yeah, they roofied me They suck your dick. No, this little titted this chick with huge tits. I was just couldn't stop talking about her tits She's like five one and just all monster tits and she brings me a drink and the next thing you know I'm waking up on chad zoom ox fucking bed. He's a dude. You got fucking weird. I'm like, I don't remember any of it, dude Give it to a roofie Lee No, and why would they roofie a guy? It doesn't make sense. Would you just have sex with her?

We'll just roofie you one nightly and then we'll I'd love to watch that maybe fuck those tits And we'll let Lee fucking pass on and we'll draw like a fucking little thing on this forehead like a nazi sticker I'm never taking another drink from you ever again in my life Who sounds so high right now? We'll text you mom. Make sure you're a nazi Your mom will fucking fly out of here and pull you out of here quicker than a fucking It's good to see you against sammy trips. I love you did by Listen thursday friday saturday san francisco motherfucking punchline wednesday before thanks given

1125 Irvine improv eight o'clock show you'll be out of there by 10 fucking 30 could you go jump up and down Whatever the fuck you're gonna do lisa. I'll be there with t-shirts Giving out autographs and taking pictures And that's it people we'll be back wednesday. I don't know what fucking time don't ask I want to give a big haul everybody who came to the shows from the stress factory and my jersey peeps I love you all my heart sam trips. Thanks for coming any Saturday night at the fucking uh, vegas backstage billiards backstage billards in my main

Lee fucking syat Kick an ass over there. You good my brother Yeah, it's crof magam other fuckers go to lee syat.com. All right. Let's do. Yeah. Lee. I want to do your podcast I would love to have you That's how the creepy No, you're steve. You wonder right now. You're just like happening Okay, this podcast brought to you by onna.com. That's right Go to onna.com is go use the code word church to get 10% off all their optimization products like alpha brain

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