Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #341 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: December 18, 2015

 Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/joey to get your first two meals free   Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/joey for 20% off of your first order plus free shipping in the US and Canada   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 12/17/2015.
   Music:  Born On The Bayou - Creedence Clearwater Revival Babalu Aye - San Lazaro  

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to get 20% off of your first order plus all orders in the US and Canada always shipped for free. And meondies even has a money back guarantee that if you don't love your first pair, you don't love it. You get to keep it and get a full refund. You literally have nothing to lose. Go to meondies.com slash joey right now for 20% off of your first order plus don't forget every order in the US and Canada always shipped for free. That's meondies.com slash joey. Oh shit. Oh shit. It's the church, motherfuckers. December 17th, 2015. It's almost over. Oh shit. Thursday, cocksuckers. Where you been? The day the devil was buried at sea.

Look at Lee. Look at Lee snagging that motherfucker. Oh shit. The church of what's happened now. Uncle Joey, Lee Syed, old school today, no guest. Just talking about some shit that's been going on the last couple of weeks. What's happened, Doug? I'm doing great. Oh my god. I haven't heard that song. What Adam Sandler song did that open? What Adam Sandler movie did that open with? I'm not sure what that born on the Bible. Maybe it was Waterboy. That's a bad fucking jam. That's one of my all-time favorites. That makes me feel like a fucking American, that jam. Really? Yeah, that song flies me up in the morning. Do you ever do that? Like, I know you must, but like something with that, I immediately

thought of Waterboy. Like when you hear that, do you ever think of a movie you was in or like when you hear songs, does that, where do you go? A movie is a soundtrack, a music, a soundtrack of your life. The songs that really thwart you, that throw you for a loop that make you catch your breath and go, wow, I was there that day or this is what happened that made me like this song or this is what made me relate to this song. That's always that. Like, that's, but this particular song was in some, one more movie I had seen. Oh, okay. I don't know what war movie. It could have been Apocalypse Now. I don't know. Maybe it was something else I could be wrong, but I've always liked this song since I was a kid. Like the first time I heard it, I'm not a big, big fan of

CCR, but I like this fucking jam a lot. This jam just means something to me. I don't know what. It's a great song. Yeah. It just reminds me of being a kid, hearing this in the Bronx, like hearing this. In the Bronx, really? Yeah. My mom had the dry cleaner and I would go to the Bronx and I was allowed to play in front of it on Tree Mount Avenue. And I remember this playing, like that's what that, that's what this song reminds me of. If you asked me, that's what you asked me. And there was another situation where it was in a movie, but this is what this song reminds me of being in the Bronx. Like this song, War by Edwin Starr. Those type of songs take me back to, I barely spoke English. I spoke maybe 70% English. And this is how I would learn my English

by listening to these songs. Then like Michael Jackson came with ABC and I Want You Back. And that out really helped me out a little bit. So that's what I, I still remember walking down Broadway. I can't remember with who. Could have been my mom, could have been my, my godfather. I still remember walking down Broadway with the money in my pocket that I had saved when working at the bar. It was like a five year old, like whatever they job they would make me do, going to buy ABC. Really album ABC. Like I still physically remember that. I still physically remember walking from 88th street to like 100th street were like some fucking ratty kids to buy James Brown hot pants when it was just a 45 single, when they cost like a dollar or 75 cents or some

shit. Like that's what, you know, I think about the 70s. Like that was that music for me, the early 70s. But music has always been a part of my life. My mom always fucking had music on, you know. And was it playing at the dry cleaner or like, were people playing it on boomboxes and boomboxes? Really? Like I still, I still remember that particular CCR song. Me, like just breathing and hearing that song and just liking the beat. Like somebody had it on playing in the car or something like that, you know, and just me being, it was a hot day and me being like in front of there playing like a rock or a fucking whatever I played with in those days. And it wasn't a great neighborhood, you know, it wasn't a great neighborhood. But I remember the sun was shining

that day. And on the corners, the reason why I really like going to my mom's dry cleaner at that time was because on the corner, there was an Italian ice pizza joint that had the pizzas out on the racks and the Italian ice. And I would go in there and he'd give me a sherbert Italian ice which sprite a seven up and you shake it up really good. Like you stir it in a like lemon lime Italian ice. Yeah, like, uh, like, uh, no, it was a sherbert. And they call them something like, uh, like something up there. But that's why I went to the Bronx and they give you a long spoon and you had to beat the ice cream around with the fucking soda. That's what I remember. And that was the only place ever at that dry cleaner where I really have had an

altercation where kids chase me to take my money. No way. Yeah. Like a block and a half one time because the dry cleaner was on like Tremont. And if you went to the corner, it became like a really popular street or maybe my guy, I have my streets confused. It was like Tremont and something else. And this, you know, like when you walk down, have shoe stores and Woolworth, you know what Woolworth was? Woolworth was a national chain. Oh, like a Macy's or something? Yeah, but a lot smaller. And it was like the original, it was like a little higher than the dollar store. You went to Woolworths to get notebooks and maybe a pair of socks and an eraser. You know, everything was like a fucking five dollar bill at Woolworths. And I remember going to Woolworths or something. It was around

the corner. It was like a blind. There was a toy store. And I remember like having like shorts on, nice sneakers, a t-shirt and like a gold chain. My mom would always give me like a gold chain, these three kids spotted me. But just the way they were looking at me, I fucking started running. And I looked back and they were chasing me and I made it to the dry cleaner before they came in. How old were you? Do you think? Five. And you could just tell like this? Yeah, they were maybe seven. I could just tell the way they were looking at me. And you were allowed to walk around that area? I had a permission to walk to the corner. But I would go, hey, I'm going to go into the store and then I would come out the side door, you know, like places on a corner.

They have like one door going in and one going out. So I would go out the side door, walk up the street and walk back in that door and walk out the side door. You see it like the room? Yeah. What took you so long? I was in there. There was a big line. Gino was talking to whoever. I don't remember. That's a guy's name or what. But I remember those memories and the Bronx and the dry cleaners. I remember the guy upstairs. There was a black chef. The black chef doubled as the ironing guy. Okay. And his name is Mike. And I really liked Mike. I talked to Mike a lot. He had just come back from Vietnam. And Mike was the guy that took the clothes off like these pseudo hangers and then put them on a thing and he would press them.

Yeah. That's what Mike did. My grandfather was a dry cleaner for his entire life. Yeah, that's what he did. He never really talked about the dry cleaner. Like how long did she have it for? Maybe two years of my youth. It had come along. What happened was it was a partner's, it was somebody else's. And then when they became partners in the numbers operation, there was a co-sudo office for my mother. It was a little pit stop in the Bronx. She'd go upstairs, check out the numbers. But that guy, Mike, we used to call him black Mike. No, we used to call Mike black because there was two mikes. Okay. It was a nato Mike. Mike nato. Mike nato and Mike Blanco. Mike Blanco had something on the corner. He did something. And Mike and nato was the dude who

ironed the clothes. But at three o'clock, Michael Negro. No, no, I'm lying to you guys. At about 11, Michael Negro would go upstairs and cook for the bookies upstairs. So upstairs on top of the dry cleaner, it wasn't a small bookie office. It was a central office where all their bookies called in their action. So it's like a main bookie. It was like a main bookie. So my mom split the details to the dude named Nelson. Nelson was a good friend of my father's. So it was maybe on the third floor and Nelson would have a blackboard and he would have zero, one, two, three, four, up to nine. And under that, they would yell numbers at him, 604 $10. And he would look to 604 and put $10 on it. And if you called back and said 604 $20, then that board had 30 out $10

on it already. If you call $30 on it, it became 40. And they watched that number until money was too high on that number, then they call off after number. Oh, so they wouldn't take a beating. So if somebody doubled somebody called and you have, if you got $8,000, if somebody put $8,000 on 604 and 604 come out, you're going to take a beating that day. So at a certain amount of number, you cut that off and you call that to a different bookie bank and go, Hey, I got action for you, take $30 on 604. Oh, okay. So you only want it up to a certain amount. So you don't get your ass busted. So if you, let's say I called you your bookie, I want 604, but it's too much. You say, let's say you call me and every day you bet $10 on 604. But today you can $10 wins you $5,000.

Jesus. Okay. Cash at the end of the day, I'll come to the bar where you drink at. So it's 500 to one. Right. Whatever this, right? So it's $10 is $5,000. So you call me up and you say, Joey, I want to bet $25 on fucking whatever. That's 12, five. That'll bust my ass if I'm a small independent guy on a corn. So I'll call $20 of that to lease. I had, lease. I had to take this. So do you, do you say no to the person calling? Or you just say, yeah. And then you move on and then you move on. You never want to tell that person. No, you take everybody's action. Okay. You don't want the word around that Lee called Joey Diaz and he wouldn't take his action because it was too high. I'll tell you, let me make a call first. Let me get the right line. I'll tell you

some line. Let me get the right line. Hold on. Let me get the fucking information from the track and see how the horses are running. Let me call you right back with numbers. It doesn't really work like that. I got to take that number. It's like when somebody goes into a picket store, into a gas station and says, Hey, I want to play. I guess that was in, I went to Hegins and then I went to get water at the gas station. There was a guy in front of me playing fucking tickets and getting six tickets with a lizard on it and four tickets. You got to take their action. The state has to take their action. Okay. But we're the same with gambling. If you call me up, okay? Right. And you go, Joey, what's your line? You're in Boston. Okay. You call your bookie in

Boston and you go, Joey, what's your line on Boston today? I'm in New England. I'm sorry. And I go 11 and a half. Let me call you right back. Hold on. My mother's got on the other line. You're going to call your buddy, Joey, who's a buddy, who's got a buddy in Vegas and you're going, what's the line out there? Nine and a half. It's two more points because it's in Boston. You're local. They got to raise the line. Everybody's going to bet in New England. Right? Right. Yeah. Everybody's going to call against New England. So this guy's going to take a beat. So they call, you call me and let's say the guy wants to bet, you know, you want to bet 50,000 on New England. Okay. I take your action, right?

Right. But I got to get something that's who's doing them playing this week? The Titans. The Titans. So I got to get somebody to bet 50,000 on the Titans so it's even. So you don't lose either way? I still just, I can just take the juice. I could just take the fucking vague, which is if you bet, call me and bet 50,000 and you lose, you got to bet me 55,000 because it's 50,000 to bet, but 50,500, you know, it's a $500 commission. Oh. So that's how I make my money on the fucking action. So wait, who pays you the 500? You do when you lose. You have to pay an extra 500? Yeah. So if you call me and you go, I want to bet 50,000 on the Jets. Right.

And they lose, you got to pay me 5,500. There's a 10 point big on that $5,000. Jesus Christ. But the guy that just bet me 50,000, he wins 50. So I get 5,000 for my actions. That's amazing. So you don't lose either way. I don't lose either way. That's why I create a utopia. A utopia is an equal balance on both sides. I don't lose a dime. I make 5,000 just exchanging with motherfucking phone call. How do you find that other person to bet, to balance your bet? They're in Cleveland. They got a bigger bank. I've been doing business with them for seven years. See, the money in this country, the people that tell you they went to Vegas and bet 20,000,

they're fucking just regular Joe's. The people who make a living gambling, they don't want the government to know what they're doing. No. So the biggest gambling cities are like Mississippi, Cleveland, Akron, all that Ohio, they gamble a lot and they control a lot of banks. And yes, there's banks in New York and there's big banks in Florida, gangsters who have banks who are willing to take a $250,000 fucking gamble. You know, there's people that you call up, there's people who are millionaires that want a gamble, but they don't want it on their tax returns.

And yeah, you could, at least I had, come here for a second, do me a favor, call Vegas and put $500,000 down. You win. You got to pay taxes on that. So the 10% that you're paying as a big is worth it? It's worth it. Okay. Nobody knows your business. Lee, call your buddy. See if it'll take $50,000 under the fucking knowing one Patriots this week. And that's how you make money. So you try to create a fucking utopia.

And Vegas does the same. Vegas are called the casino next door. That's why they have a few casinos. That's why they just don't own one property. Oh, okay. You own a couple of different properties so you can move that fucking gambling money around. It's a very interesting way how the gambling is a, if like I've told you, if I couldn't beat a dual comedy and I didn't want to be legit right now in my situation with my daughter, I could become a small time bookie and still point by the grand a week and be safe. Wow.

I may be 1500, maybe two grand, build it up to maybe 20 grand a month. My heavier months are fucking basketball college. You know, I got seven months. I'm making, I walk out, if I can make 150,000 a year and seven months work, not have to fucking carry a broom. I didn't do too bad for myself. No. Did you ever, or did you ever experience, because you worked at those sports betting services? Was anyone there a bookie undercover just to get the people calling him? No. That wouldn't work?

No, no. The guy, he hired his friends. The guy worked for a hired friends and people that were, there was no bookie. You couldn't call somebody and go take this action and then call me back. There are services that'll say to you, we can provide somebody. You know, there's people who do that. I guarantee they do. In my world, I think that's entrapment. Yeah, that seems like... I could sell you information. I can't find you a fucking broker, but I don't know. I don't know how it works, but I never did. It just seems like the perfect, like the already calling for betting information,

then you could be, now they'd probably record it and he'd be fired, but back then you could probably be like, Hey, I'll take this. I'll take the action for you. No, no, no. You would give them a number to call and somebody else would take the action, but you'd still be connected to it. You still get a little piece of that fucking action. Do you know what I'm saying? Like they would give you whatever you said, a portion of whatever they said, you send them. So that's why they lose 7,000 fucking dollars. That bookie's gonna kick back 200 to me or something. How big do you think is like... I want us to call like the underground, like the underground

economy, like the black market economy, like there's betting, there's drugs. Like how much money do you think is like... Yesterday it was a show on Las Vegas last night before I went to sleep on that geo. And they were talking about how much money that goes through Las Vegas. They had two professional gamblers, two professional thieves, like people who go into clubs and play card sharks. They had some black fucking black guy driving around with his shotgun, looking to rob bookies and stuff like that, little bookies and stuff like that.

And they said at one point, I don't know what the exact number was, let's pretend there's $15.9 billion going through Vegas every year, whatever they reported last year. I don't know exactly what the numbers were. Don't quote me on that. I just saw a number they put up last night. I don't know, but there's a lot of people that... Do you think when Michael... I don't know. Do you think when Michael Jordan was putting in all those bets, he was betting in Vegas? No. If I was somebody, I wouldn't want my degenerate gambling skills to be fucking out there.

But you take a guy, I tell you it was a degenerate gambler. And it was betting $250,000. I know two people who are degenerate gamblers. I don't know them personally. I'm not saying this, but I've known... I knew one guy for sure that was a degenerate gambler. And I heard those stories of the other guy. And one guy was the Sheen that has the AIDS. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen is 15 years ago, was putting $250,000 across the board every weekend. $250,000. Now in gambling terms, if somebody's listened to this and they're a bookie,

I don't know how big this is, but as far as somebody, $250,000 minimum on a Sunday and Saturday. That's a million a month. In college, not what he was losing. But just betting. What he was betting, okay? John Gotti. Well-known degenerate. $12 million a year making netting and probably gambling $6 million that away. Jesus. What about... And I don't know at all, but Ben Affleck has been kicked out of

like almost like a ton of casinos. Like that's what you're saying. You don't want it on display. And he's on TMZ getting kicked out of casinos for playing too much Blackjack. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah, he got kicked out. I think it was the hard rock last year. He just, he wins too much money. Well, he's not a degenerate gambler. If he wins, obviously he's doing something. Maybe it's accused of counting or something, whatever. But my point being that you don't want people to know you have that habit.

Right. You know, or you don't want your... You know, you can't back the... If I put a bet in tomorrow for $75,000 in Vegas, I don't know if they'd look at my tax returns. I'm not sure. But let's say I win and I win $75,000 in Vegas. I'm sure IRS fucking guys will call me up and go, hey, so you make a hundred grand a year, but you had the balls to bet $75,000 on a fucking football game. I think... I think...

Over 500 bucks. I think you have to sign something. Yes. Jesus. Well, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Six something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was a kid and I used to go to the track with Mr. Bender, I would be that kid. I would use their winnings to my social security. And it never came back on you? No, I was 13. How much could I make in a year? $6,000, $5,000?

It never bit me in the ass. Again, like 13 and the age of life, like 12 to 14, I must have made thousands just going on to the track and when people would win that old, you know, the government tax liens or whatever, I would fucking do that. That's unbelievable. And I never... Like now, it would come back on you. That's amazing. That just never came back on you. Oh, you know, we don't live... I didn't grow up in an age of computer, so I caught a six-year break. You know, I had to get my police record and I was looking at it a couple of weeks ago and I'm like,

first of all, there was a lot of shit that's missing from there, but there was a lot of shit on there that I didn't do. Really? You know what I'm saying? Like, there was a possession of cocaine. I never got arrested for possession of cocaine. There was a lot of shit that was added and a lot of shit that was taken on. Like another Jose Diaz? Oh, yeah, but Jose Diaz, I've told you, it's like John Smith.

Right, that's so they put another Jose Diaz thing on your report. So did you have to get it fixed? I'm gonna have to get it fixed and I have to call Clipside Park and say that wasn't me. That wasn't me that got arrested for blow. I never got arrested for fucking blow for carrying possession, nothing like that. Really? And your whole time, you never got picked up with blow on him? No. No. How did you manage that?

I only had an army when it was time to get down. But you never, but you never got like arrested when it was time to get down? No. No, no. That's unbelievable. No, it's really weird. We lost three cats. We lost two cats this year. We lost Harry and Sissy.

And I was thinking about Harry. Yeah, no, no, no. Fidel. I was thinking about Fidel the other day. Like when you had the shrimp, how Fidel would grace out towards you like a ballerina, like his chest was strong. He would always show you his whole chest. He didn't walk crooked.

He was got a big head. So he would come at you and go, wow, and then put his hand up for you. Even if you were six feet away, he put his hand up to you. Like, come here, motherfucker, give me a piece of shrimp. Then we had Sissy. Sissy was a great cat. But there was something about Sissy that I never talked about for a long time. Sissy didn't say boo to me for six years.

When I tell you, she wouldn't get 10 feet close to me for six fucking years. And one time I finally picked her up when she was about, when Terry had her in the house, maybe 18 months, one day she lost control of what she was doing. And I finally, she misplaced herself. Like she didn't know where she was. And she bent over and picked, and I bent over, I'm sorry, and picked her up. Right.

And as I went to give her a kiss, she ripped my fucking arm open. She ripped it just, she just, uh, not like, scratch it, like, maliciously. She was so scared that her claws from her back legs, she pushed off. And one of the claws got me like a three inch gash on my blood, and I fainted the whole fucking deal. I was never madder, and I couldn't figure out what it was. Well, guess what? Like a week after I stopped doing coke, she started warming up to me.

And by the time I was like a year clean, she would sit on my lap. Wow. And then after I had a relationship, just grew and grew and grew and grew and grew. So yeah, I had Sissy for 14 years, but I really only had Sissy for seven of those years. And I've always thought about that story, how Sissy had no contact with me while I was doing cocaine. Do you think she could sense the cocaine, or do you think it was just your personality on cocaine? It was my energy. At that time, my energy was just so fine.

It was just so fucking rotten at that time. I don't know what this had to do with what we were talking about. No, but it's interesting. About gambling or whatever, but people know. You could feel it. You could feel that desperation. Animals feel it. Kids feel it.

Sometimes people feel things for different fucking reasons, and you don't know why. Maybe it's the universe warning you or something. But it's just really weird when I was doing all that blow. That cat would have no contact with me. That cat would not stay in a room if I was in that fucking room. If I walked into the bedroom and she was in the bed, she'd jump out the bed. I couldn't figure it out.

Was she cool with your wife? Tremendously. People would come over and she'd sit on their laps. But she, oh, wow. And when did you figure it out? You figured it out after you... I figured it out after like two years, after I wasn't doing blow. That she was my fucking goomba now.

But when I had that shit running through my system, she wouldn't come close to me. That's crazy. Cats are weird, man. I told you I had a lot of fun looking after your cats enough, but I've always been a dog person because I was allergic to cats. And then all the cats that I interacted with were like the hiding cats, the cats that you never see when you're at their house. But I don't know what it is about your cats that just...

I'm not going to say they're like dogs, but they love them. I gave them love. Yeah. I gave them a lot of love. I saw where they came from. I don't know either. I don't know either. I sit there some nights and I look down.

There's three of them looking at me and I try to give them more love. I get on my hands and knees and I'll go get a brush and I'll brush them. I have no problem with them. We have to give one of them a Prozac. Superbad is just an attack thing. Really? He just keeps fighting with Harry all night. You hear it back and forth and noises.

And this was never like this until Fidel died because they created a power vacuum. So now somebody's got to be the fucking unadulterated leader. Superbad, Demi's cool, but Superbad beats up on Demi. Superbad's main war is with Harry and they go back and forth. Some weeks Harry runs away from Superbad. Some weeks Superbad runs away from Harry. I don't know what the fuck's going on.

But I gave them a lot of love. I gave them respect. I didn't give a fuck what people said. They're my animals. I made a commitment to them. So now you got to put your soul into this shit. You know, and it's funny how I never did that when I was younger. Last night, we had the opportunity to go to Gabriel Lacey's Christmas party.

Okay. Now, Gabriel Lacey's has been doing a Christmas party for about 10 years now. That's amazing. I couldn't believe that when he told me that. But he would always have him December 20th, December 21st. I was always on my way to Houston, Texas. So for years, I did Houston. Then I come back and he would have them.

Once he had them for three years at the ha ha. And then he started doing them at the taste of Texas. And he started doing general invite. Anybody who wanted to come to these fucking things. And he would pay for everybody? And he'd pay for everybody. Put the food out, poker tournament, raffle off a TV, catered. I mean, you should have seen this shit.

Mexican food at its best to taste the Texas. Just excuse me, off of West Covina. West Covina, just a great fucking place. And I ended up driving down there one year, but it was 40 minutes each way. And you couldn't really drink. You couldn't really do nothing because you got to drive back. So I never really went back to them. And then a couple of years ago, did you go to one with me?

No, that's my first time going. Okay. A couple of years ago, maybe three years ago, I went to one. It was at a different place. And I really had a good time. And I really liked those guys. But I noticed one of that one. I noticed that there was a lot of people there that had nothing to do with Gabriel.

And I remember looking at them and seeing the circle of people talking to him that just wanted something. You know, like they went there with the wrong intention. Like that's it. It's Christmas. We don't want to talk about business. And I remember going over there and I remember hearing like one guy. So Gabriel, when are you going to start showcasing for season two of Standard Revolution Jesus Christ?

Really? And I fucking went over and I saw a bunch of comedy club owners that didn't belong there and comedy club bookers and whatever. It had nothing to do with me. Jesus, he's a great guy for doing this. But I knew this couldn't stay the way it was. I kept hearing worse and worse stories every year. People contacting him to fly him in for the party and shit.

Oh man, it got fucking crazy. So I get this invite about a month ago and I look at it. I look at the date. Bam, I'm in town. You know, it's Wednesday night. We usually do a podcast, but we'll probably do it in the afternoon, blah, blah, blah. And I go leave when I come with me. I was going to take a friend of mine that's a Gabriel fan and I said, fuck that shit.

I'm taking leave. He's my partner in crime. But you know, he knows Gabriel. You know, let him go down and mingle and shit like that. We call Steve Simone. Steve Simone was also invited because this year, like I said, it got so big. And even when I left and I was driving home two years ago, I was like, this is too big. There's too many people here.

And sure enough, this year I got like an invite and you had to put cordially invited and how many people you were bringing and that shit. I put your name down and the whole thing. So it was no misunderstanding. You could tell this year. So I called Simone and I know Simone's dear friends with him. And the only person I didn't see the last night was Jerry Rocha. Yeah, that was surprising.

But it was I think Jerry's out of town. So no worries. I call Steve and we all meet at a quarter to eight and we drive down there and we pull into the place, you know, and we weren't high. Right. We know nothing. We were straight, but fucking hungry. Yeah.

We were starving. You know, it was Lucille's barbecue house down in Long Beach and we drove up and there was a parking spot right there and we walked in. There was tables everywhere. And I guess they needed one more table and they gave us a table. Myself, Lee, Justin, Steve, Simone, a couple other guys, but they put the table six feet from the fucking food, which is like a steal for us. And all of a sudden they announced eat and we just jumped right in the fucking line and we

ate and we were giggling and waitress came over and she got us some strawberry lemonades. And I don't know if they were serving alcohol. Oh, yeah, they had everything. I just got a strawberry lemonade and no water and the food was great. You know, you ever go to a party like the food's perfect, like the coleslaw was great. The potato salad was off the fucking chain. The brisket was delicious. The other steak, the other beef, that thing they had was delicious.

Oh, tri-tip. Yeah. The tri-tip was delicious. I didn't get any of the sausage, but I did eat some of the ribs, the ribs, the baby back ribs. I got like one dish and, you know, you can see a huge line and I'm eating this and as we're eating more people come in and we're giggling and the magician came over. I got creeped the fuck out. You know, magicians just creep me out sometime.

And this guy was a sweetheart of a guy, but he wanted me to like to hold my hands up. And I don't know. I just got magician anxiety. Yeah, I'd never seen that before. Both you and Steve were like, no, I don't feel it. I love it. I got magician anxiety and I went outside to breathe a little bit and there was Gabe and Martin Moreno and Alfred Robles and a bunch of guys.

Just told that down where he lives. And I'm sitting there and I'm getting this fucking different type of anxiety. I'm getting this anxiety that comes with you, but that just comes with like a age. It's the anxiety that life is going past you. You know, one day you decide what you're going to do with your life when you're 28 and you get involved and along the way you meet these people. And all of a sudden 20 years later, these people are making $10 million a year. You know, I saw Gabriel come on the scene and I saw him book a room and do this.

And he was still working a construction job and he was living on somebody's couch. And all of a sudden he did K-Locos and then all of a sudden this and that. And this is where we are 15 years later and I have no jealousy for the kid. But what I saw in that room last night, there was no place where you took a picture. You would go to a party now. Like you would get up and go on Facebook and there was always like a board with sponsors. Right. Yeah. There wasn't none of that.

There was no Hollywood thing. He took it back to the hood. It felt like being in the hood, which is really good food. You know. And yeah, there were some industry people there, but even they were taken down a notch. It was just a really beautiful thing. And I'm looking at this and I'm looking at this kid Gabriel. He's overweight.

He's no Eric fucking Estrada. He's no great looking Mexican. You know, he's just a dynamite warm hearted guy that was genuinely funny. But this is the American dream. His hard work ethic is fucking amazing. Nobody gave this kid nothing. He made everything on his own every step along the way. And you want me to tell you what else he's doing along the way, laughing,

having a great time. They do two shows on Christmas Day. You know, years ago, they did love it. And after the shows, they took everybody to breakfast. Really? Yeah. Denny's, he took everybody to breakfast. All 180 people at three in the morning were fucking Denny's sitting down in ships.

You know, this kid does things that as a comic, you sit there and go, Jesus fucking Christ. I never thought about that. And I could never pull that off. Gabriel could pull that off. I could never pull off the Gabriel stuff. If you gave me a million dollars, I could never go to breakfast with 180 fucking people. I'd have a nervous breakdown. Really?

Yeah. Like I could never fucking go to a Denny's with 180 people. Like Gabriel has just done things that it's not a genius or it's not a business mogul. It's just something that comes naturally from your heart. And I saw it last night. I saw it in the team of his managers. I saw it with his agents. I saw it with the friends he kept around me.

Mental note. There was no Latino comics there last night. From George Lopez to Willy Barca, to Carlos Oscar, to Felipe Esparza, no other comics. I was the only other really comedian there. Me being Spanish had nothing to do with it. But there was a lot of younger comics, like a couple, but there was no big time Latin comics there. No. And that's what I thought about on the way home, how he grew up.

He came up so fast that a lot of people looked at him and actually looked at him as an enemy. Really? Just because he came up fast? That's so sad. And that's something people will never understand that listening to this at home. And it wasn't. Yeah, he's caught in slack from a few comics. Couple in Spanish, couple.

And me, I've given him nothing but love since day one. You know, last week we sat here and I told you why I had Theo on the show. And why I try to have a little ester on the show. And why to try. You know, I put Steve Simona and Jerry Roach and all these young comics. Because the more love I give to these comics, the more love I give to these people that listen to the podcast, is the better I get as a comedian and a human being. A lot of comics don't know that.

Look at all your really successful comics right now. Bill Burr has a young tribe of comics that he helps and works with. Joe Rogan, Jesus Christ. He's an, I'm indebted to him, Ari, Duncan, Tom Segura. All the really great fucking comedians have put their soul out there in one way or another. And that's what I saw last night. When I was looking at all those people eating and smiling, people chewing those ribs and people giggling. And he had this Christmas sweater on.

I didn't feel, you know, like I had to be anything or a, you follow what I'm saying Theo? Yeah, you weren't on, you wouldn't, you didn't have to be on what you have to be a lot. It wasn't being on. It was that nobody was there being something that they want. Okay. And it was just a beautiful thing to watch all these people. And then I mean, it really felt like Christmas. This is a hard holiday in California.

And you people going, oh, Joey, how hard could it be? Listen, there's no snow. The camaraderie that I grew up with in the East Coast, that little people walking down the street and shaking each other's hand and you come in and eat cookie, that doesn't exist here. And it exists in some neighborhoods and some like, you know, immigrant communities, maybe in Glendale, maybe down in a little Mexico. Right. Yeah.

But in this area here, you see all these people and they talk all this shit about saving whales and doing all this shit, but it's not the same. It's not, it doesn't have that home feeling. You know, Gabriel gave me that home feeling last night. I feel bad. I had to leave. I had to spot at the store, the dollar show. We had a great time there, but it was just to see.

I learned a lot last night from watching Gabriel, but we did our own little Christmas party last this week, Monday night, me, you and John Budd went over. Greg Powers sent me a fucking, I want to thank him and his wife, Lynn, for sending us a certificate to Ruth Chris last Christmas. We had never used it, you know, John Budd has been our jujitsu teacher and he takes a little time to spend with us, you know, and I figured if anybody deserve our little church Christmas party, it was John Budd for getting us in shape and shit. You know, we had John on the podcast.

So we had our own Christmas party the year before we all went to see a movie. I mean, I've tried, you know what I'm saying? Right. But I think from what I saw last night next year, we're going to have a church Christmas party somewhere. It would be, it would be great. The best part for me, it's just, A, it was just amazing to be invited to that. Just, I was saying, because I met, I met Gabriel's son who, when I first saw Gabriel's

first special, he was talking about him being like five. Now he turned 18, which is unbelievable. But the thing about Gabriel for me is when like, when you, most people you introduce me to are very nice to me, then they're not rude, but they're, they say a couple things and then they talk to you. Like I could feel when I like said hi to Gabriel, give me a big, like I want to shake his hand to give me a hug. It was just when you're not, when you're not like a star, when you're not big enough,

it feels like people will kind of overlook you. But no one there did like, I didn't feel that at all last night. Like I didn't feel like I was butting into a conversation or anything. It was just, it was a great night. Nothing feels worse in your life than being overlooked out here. For years, I would go to parties with Joe or something or go somewhere with Joe. And nobody would, you know how many times people left me in a room and Joe would have to come back and get me and go, what the fuck happened?

You know how many times? You know how many people didn't talk to me then, that talk to me now, that wouldn't talk to me when me and Ari were opening for Joe? Right. I remember there was a story in San Francisco that Ralph, he went up there in the club on and said, why does Joe bring Ari and Lou, and loser Ari and loser Joey, the gigs with him and fucking Duncan? Like this guy was actually saying this shit.

Nobody fucking liked us, you know? Jesus. Being overlooked. And that's one thing that I've never wanted for you in our relationship. When I go in somewhere, I go in with you, have a top dog. This is leave, bitch. Take it or leave it. Like I told you last night, if I don't introduce you by name,

it's because Lee, it's too many fucking names. I smoke too much reefer. This morning I put down Wednesday instead of Thursday. That's how. And I wasn't even high when I woke up. I did that in the morning with a cup of coffee. And I never have once felt like that with you. Or I don't care.

I don't need to be introduced to everybody, but it's just, it's, um, and I felt it even before I met you when I was just working in TV, people would come in and, and all we'd make a big deal. It's like when you go in for a meeting, the whole day before that, there's PAs cleaning, straining up things, getting water ready. Mr. DS is coming in. Don't look him in the eye when he, I got told, the guy who played the doctor, the mean doc, Dr. Cox and scrubs,

he, he was coming in to do a voiceover for something in a place I worked. And my boss said, don't look him in the eye. And I was like, why? And he was just like, just don't do it. And I was like, it just, it's weird. It really is amazing. It's disgusting to see men act that way. Oh, but no, it wasn't even him.

It, I, I guarantee, and, and I bet people say that when you're coming in, don't talk to Mr. DS. No, it's, it's, it's just embarrassing. It's fucking embarrassing. You know, first of all, I was raised, everybody puts their legs on one pants, one leg at a time. Right. We all put our pants on one leg at a time.

So, you know, Mr. Diaz is coming in. Who gives a Frenchman's fuck? That smokes dope late in the morning. I don't give a fuck about that guy. But it's, uh, I never ever wanted you to feel left out. I never wanted you to feel left out of the conversations. Listen, I've been around a long time and I know the people are the solid, solid from A to Z.

And those are the people I want around me. And those are the people, I don't put anybody on the podcast because it makes me look better or because to show people at home, I'm friends with them or I'm not friends with them. I put them on the podcast. I think they're solid fuck. There's something about them that fucking makes me fucking love them even more. They're solid fucking people.

And the more those people you have around you, the better you do naturally. You just do better naturally. Right. Because they're doing well. It's not about a jealousy thing or he has or she has. And that's what this town could become for you. That's what this town could become for you. Like I could become jealous of people?

They have this. I have to get this. You know, you have to make a statement when you drive. What car you drive? I just want to do stand up. Right. Yeah. You know, I've been getting a lot of fucking little males lately.

And I'm going to clear this up when I'm happy on this subject of getting left out. I want to congratulate Conor McGregor. It was a great knockout. If the fight was not fixed Saturday night, it was clean. It was one man that was better than the other. But on the other side of this, you know, I've been getting little tweets or Joey, you know, how do you, I never hated the guy. I don't have time to hate a fucking fighter.

And sometimes I talk, I talk out of content. I don't know what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I don't know how to communicate what I'm thinking sometimes. And I think that's my biggest problem. That sometimes I say some and I'm not communicating what I'm really thinking. That's why I'm having a hard time writing this book because I could write a story. I can tell you a thousand stories, but I'm not communicating to you what I really feel. And what Conor McGregor made me feel like when he's around is being left out.

You know, I saw the pictures. Conor McGregor is a great fighter and he deserves to get paid millions and millions of fucking dollars. And Aldo was the king for a long time. And this happened. I just didn't like the treatment. I know what it's like to be left out when, when you're a fighter like Frankie Edgar or Clay Guida or Donald Sarone, or I'm just giving you guys that have been around for a while. And these guys have slept in hotel rooms with their trainers.

You know, what you don't know is that the UFC has Frankie Edgar and Frankie Edgar has gets like two rooms for the UFC. If he comes with six trainers, it's two guys, three guys in a room. Jesus. The champ gets to bed. So one of the guy has to sleep on the floor or whatever. Okay, that kind of stuff. But then you show a picture of Conor McGregor in the suite across the street in the Fertiti Hotel.

Those were the things that bothered me about Conor McGregor that I thought about the other guy. I thought about how Frankie Edgar felt and how Clay Guida felt. And even though they're not champions, it's not about that. It's about a certain loyalty. Right. You know, they did a press conference where Conor, and I don't hate Irish people. Guys, if you really think I give a fuck about all this, you're so confused. There's more to life than all this shit.

That's why I get on Lee about watching eight fucking football games or whatever. Because I never, it's just a part of life. And someday when you guys get older, you go, what was all the fucking commotion about? Right, well, I give a fuck. What's it got to do with the fucking price of eggs? I'm going to study it and argue if it was an early stoppage of Chris Weidman and want to talk to you about it for three hours. Don't you have a fucking life?

What the fuck is wrong with you? But on the other side of that, you know, Frankie Edgar's been fighting for a fucking long time. If you put one guy in a hotel, you got to put another guy in that fucking hotel. It was little things like that, you know, in my heart. Listen, and I didn't see this until Saturday night at the fight, guys. I'm not a genie. I wasn't at the fight. I didn't even stay for the fights.

I came home Saturday morning and watched in my living room and fucked around with you guys on Periscope. But I figured something out as the fight was starting. That Aldo was like Kennedy going into Dallas. He wasn't coming out of there alive. You didn't think so? No, something was going to defeat him that night. He walked in there and defeated man because all he had around him was defeat.

It was like the UFC wanted him to fucking lose. And all their advertising's and all their little UFC tonight, whatever. And hey, they had a, you know, they had a game coming out or whatever coming out of that. I'm not defending nobody or putting anybody down. I'm just defending what my feelings were that people thought I hated Conor McGregor. He was a one trick pony. No, I just thought that I thought that they were nurturing him a little bit. You know, give him Frankie Edgar.

He's not a good wrestler. Now they're saying he's going to fight the winner of Seroni, whatever, and then he'll fight whatever. That gives you another year to fight, catch up to Frankie Edgar. Frankie Edgar is one year older. Do you know what I'm saying? It's a fight we always wanted to see. That's my only beef that they've, you know, they, I didn't like the Dennis Siever move.

That should have been Frankie or maybe Nick D. I don't know. I don't fucking know. Anybody but Dennis Siever should have fought that fucking fight. So in my mind, it was like he got some practice. Listen, one thing a lot of people and I've talked about this before was the mafia, especially the Gambino's. What happened with that?

Everybody, I watch all these dumb shows on TV. I'm sitting there in a hotel late night and I watch something about the mafia and they'll talk about John Gotti. I was watching something last week about the Lucchese family and they were talking about how the guy from the Lucchese family hated John Gotti and what they did. Let me tell you what happened before John Gotti came along. A guy by the name of fucking Carmine, whatever, Gambino, whatever died. And instead of making the guy who should have been boss,

boss, he let his brother law be boss. Oh, okay. And right away, it created a friction in the family that they never recovered from. It's like. You ready, Lee? Okay. You ever work in an office and there's a, there's a cute girl in the office. She's no fucking Cleopatra Jones, but she's a cute girl.

Maybe a little chunky, doesn't have a boyfriend, has a cat, is very sweet, makes cookies, gets there, gets there at fucking seven in the fucking morning, right? And stays there until seven o'clock at night. She gets raises, she gets treated well. I ain't, I ain't, she can't complain about that. But all of a sudden, a 22 year old chick comes into the office and has fake titties, blonde. And all of a sudden this girl sits there and sees every other guy in the office,

get her coffee within three months. She gets promoted within six months. They're all going to dinners together. She's not getting invited. You know, it's called being left out and it's a horrible feeling. So what happens to you now is the individual, you get jaded. You get jaded against your boss. You know what?

I worked here for six years. Nobody's sort of peeped to be on my, my ass. People bring her flowers. People go to subway and bring up back a six in sub and they, she gets promoted. The girl works, she calls in sick. She comes in with alcohol on her breath, but they accept it because she's hot. Then what happens? She either fucks the whole office or she doesn't fuck nobody.

And what happens to get the same fucking result? But this girl that's been working at the office, her ass off for years, sees this, that they never gave a fuck about her. They gave a fuck about this chick because of her pussy. They never gave a fuck that this chick, it wasn't even about the work. They never appreciated what the work was about. I'm comparing it to that.

That's what I'm comparing it to. The person that gets, that feels left out. Yeah. And that's why I know what it's like. I watched the press conference where he was at the press conference, just saying shit to people that will. The cowboy's serenity and Raphael dos años and Frank, I mean, he was just saying shit to people.

And, you know, the fact that Dana lets him go off and not go, listen, and I know you're trying to sell fights, but you're selling the fight against Jose Aldo. Why are you talking about these guys behind you? It's little things. And like I said, I have no, it's not that I don't think he's a great fighter, or he can't punch or whatever the fuck. It's just, I didn't like what he brought,

the aspect that he brought to the UFC. Right. That's all I'm complaining about. And it's just feeling left out, like that girl at the office. Like, you know, Lee, you're a straight kid. Maybe when you went to work at these offices, you didn't say much, but also when some kid came in, he kind of gets high, and everybody in your office gets high,

and now they go out and get high and they don't include you. It goes back to that shit. That's what I didn't like. The aspect of being left to the side, because this guy brings in more money. And it's a horrible feeling. It's terrible. But at the end of the day, this is all about money.

For some people, for some people, for some people, they look at it and they go, you know what? What can I do? But listen, at the end of the day, it's all about money. Or like that hot girl that comes into the office and everybody flips out over. They're opening up doors for her.

They give her an old office. Yeah, it's, I've been left out my entire life. Your entire life. And you know what, man? I used to get upset about it. Like, I didn't go to parties in high school. I went to a couple. I've always been a quiet guy.

It takes me a while to warm up to people. Like, I'm kind of shy. And once I like you, I like you. But I'm not, like, I love, Steve Simone goes into a room and hugs everybody and everyone's happy to see him. I wish I would want to be like that in some ways. And like, as a kid, like, I always wanted to go and hang out. And every once in a while, I would do it.

But once I got to like middle school, high school, when your parents... I mean, I could take you to a party tomorrow where we leave that party, even though they have better food than Gabriel's. I take you to a place tomorrow night that has better food than Gabriel and people be dressed up. But you'll feel there.

You'll leave there feeling like death. Yeah, I won't talk to anybody. This is how the conversation is. Hi, Joey. Oh my God, very nice to see you. I saw you at the store the other night. That joke was always ravishing. Come give me a hug.

And who's this little charming fellow? Lisa, hi, Lee. And what do you do? I work with Joey. I'm a producer. Nice. Oh my God, look who it is, Mike. See you guys later.

Pam! Yep. And you'll get that 18 times. You'll get no eye contact. And the conversation ends when you tell them what you do. Because they decipher within 10 seconds if you could do something for them or not. And that's the bottom line.

Did you feel like that last night, Lee? Not once. I could take you to a better party with white people and everybody's shaking hands and telling you about gluten. And how they care about the horse meeting China. And what a synod is that what they do to the dogs in Hong Kong and Wales off the coast of Pacifica. I'll take you to that party tomorrow night.

And they'll valet your car and give you a little trinket on the way in. But I guarantee that after 10 minutes you'll feel you'll need therapy. You'll go, wow. Those people just look through you. And when they look at you, it's what they can get from you. How can they use you?

Oh my God. I watched the last hour of Michael Jackson. He was getting drugs from 30 different doctors. The parties he went to, when he met a doctor, he would put them together because that's what they had to do. There's certain parties that people just go to. And listen, and you're looking at me going, join, you're such a cynic.

No, what's the square root of these parties? To be seen? For you to see what you could get out of somebody for the most. And for you to be seen with Hugo. He's such a great designer. Hugo, you know, fuck Hugo. Hugo's fucking that little 16-year-old at the zoo. You know, he's fucking that little 16-year-old at the zoo

taking pictures of it and sending a pussy to fucking the Philippines or some shit. But meanwhile, you think he's a fucking great guy. Those are the people. I can take you to those parties, Lee. I can take you to a rooftop party overlooking Los Angeles and people eating gluten-free kumquats and drinking a rare... Get the fuck out of there.

We know what I was drinking last night. Strawberry lemonade. And I had a glass of water in one fucking hand. And you had a better time. And I had a better time. So there's two types of parties I can take you to. A party where people want to see you or a party where... I remember years ago, I had this goofy fucking buddy.

And he was telling me how him and this girl that did this horrible movie. We're going to go to the Cannes Movie Festival. Listen, I don't... Lee, how long have we been together? Five years. How many premiers have I gone to? Just a one.

Yeah. And it was because I was in the movie. Do I go to parties? Not you. Do I go to rooftop parties? Do I go to bars to sit in VIP section and drink champagne and bottle services? Is that what I do, Lee?

No. Not in a million fucking years. Do I want to do that shit at all? You know what I mean? And I could go to them. I'm just embarrassed. I would be embarrassed. But it was so funny.

I'm looking at this kid while he's telling me this. And I already know that this kid is just off base, completely. He didn't get to go to Cannes. She went because she was the director of the film. She was calling home for money after five days. She ran out of money? No.

She wanted to come home. Because she was mistreated so badly. People don't care about your little fucking movie or Cannes. No. People don't give a fuck. You will sit there with a drink in the middle of people kissing cheeks and shit and if they can't have any use for you,

they won't even talk to you. And I'll tell you, I went to two of those. I'm not going to lie to you. I probably went to two of those in my 18 years here. And that's why I don't go to them. I went to an Adam Sandler Christmas party after the longest yard. It was amazing.

I would sit there with Lobo and Nick Titura and Michael Urban. And everybody else would talk to everybody else, like the wrestlers and shit like that. It was just crazy. And I felt left out, but I didn't care. I was just happy to be there. I just knew never to go there again. Do you know what I'm saying?

Right. Yeah, you don't put yourself through that. No, I wouldn't put myself through that. And that's why I could like, my wife was even in shock. She said, I can't believe you're going to, I got to go. I got to fucking go the game, bro. So this is what it's all about. You know what I'm saying?

And he could have had one. He could have had everyone at Ruth's Chris if he wanted to. But it probably, do you think it weeded some of those people out? Being like, oh, Long Beach barbecue. I'm not going to go to that. Mm-hmm. That's, yeah, that's smart. He's always done his thought to take it out of Hollywood.

He's always done it 40 minutes away to take it out of Hollywood. That's how cool he is. I guess when they were doing it at the Ha-Ha North Hollywood, he didn't like it. Too many creepy people going up there. But he took it out 40 minutes to take it, that whole sensation out. He planned that. He didn't want that down there.

And it was great. I was great that I went last night. Like I said, I didn't leave there because I wanted to leave. I would have smoked a joint and stayed there and giggled for a fucking hour and eaten more food. That was the plan. But the kids asked me to do a dollar show. It was like the door guys put those shows together.

That was a great show. It was the busiest show at the comedy show last night. Yeah, it was the busiest show at the comedy. The dollar fucking show. Like, listen, man, I have to get more involved at the comedy store. I can't go above and beyond. Like I can't do shit. I can't do.

But if I'm out and they have me, like I tell them, people hit me up all the time for the eight o'clock show. I can't get out of the house by 8.30. I have too much action at the fucking house at 8.30. I have the kids running up in the tub. My wife getting to the next day. I can't. If you could put me up at 9.45, but those shows end.

You know, I also have to do the 10.30 show. But it's not too much. It's not. They don't have too many late shows in the belly room. I guess Red Band had the earliest show in the belly room last night. Right. And the dollar show was the 10.30 show. I was like, listen, man, this all goes back to the Gabriel thing.

I was talking to somebody maybe six years ago. The black guy Kung Fu Earl, the karate teacher. And we were talking about that. That to be, he goes, you have to start getting these young guys and talking to these young guys about comedy. And I had never thought about what he was saying. And I saw it last night. Like it came full circle last night when I was standing there.

Because did you see, I just stood there. You sat down. You stayed sitting down. I just went out there and laid there. I did not lay there. I laid against the stairway. Right. I think just my team was there.

And then we all, people, the section started moving. You came over and we all started talking and talking and talking. And that's why I saw it last night. I saw the full circle come. That part of this is because of his hard work and, you know, his determination, his great material and stuff. But the other reason he has all this success is all the love he genuinely puts out. He loves Martin and he loves Al Robles.

And he loves the other fucking guy. The boy that had a guy from Texas. That's really cool. Oh, Rick Utier. Rick Utieres. He loves those guys. The same love that Rogan has for me on the road, you know, when Rogan's in town, he's busy, man.

He's doing his thing. But when me and him are sharing a fucking green room together, oh my God, oh my fucking God. Even last week when I got off stage in Vegas, he came right over and put his arm around me and was telling me about a joke I had done. He loved the one you like, you know, but he was going to be telling me how I can make that joke better.

And I went to my hotel room. Like, they went out to eat that night. Joe and Jim Norton and OG Everlast and all these other guys. And they were guys, I got to get back to my hotel room. I didn't really want to eat that late. I don't want to get that fat. What I was really doing was taking his advice. I went back and wrote it out for like 10 minutes.

Really? And the next day I called him and I said, thank you. Not a lot. I wouldn't take that criticism. He didn't criticize me. He just told me how to make the joke better. Who tells you how to make a joke better? The kid that was in front of me last night.

Yeah. The kid that was talking about Bloody Marys and how people drink in the morning. Right. When he got on stage, he walked towards me. Like, he had to walk up the stairs. And I cupped his waist and I pulled him towards me. And I said, that was some funny stuff.

And you should have seen his face. Oh, really? He looked at me and he goes, thank you very much, Joey. And he looked at me again like, thank you very much. Was it Richard Pryor material? No, but just the fact that he was killing and he was killing up there with conviction. And you know what?

I remember what those little things do. It's not the big things. Like you said, I could go to Ruth Chris and get 20 steaks for comics and show they'll love me and then we'll hug and take pictures and we'll put them on Facebook. That's not what it's about. It's that little thing of hugging that young comic.

I don't know what that comic went through all day. I guarantee that comic, I have to assume that motherfucker had a horrible day yesterday. Because at that level of comedy, all my days were fucking horrific. Really? Yeah, because I had nothing going on. And all you're doing is sitting there dreaming,

writing jokes, talking about hopefully you get a spot. I'd never seen that kid before. I've heard his name. I'm forgetting his name right now, but I've heard his name before. But it's, we were talking how much food, especially when you're poor, is so great. Like that's what Gabriel did.

He like, I noticed something they put out to go boxes after the party was done last night. And there must have been young comics there who would have loved to take home some food and then like when I worked at Legal Seafoods in a movie theater at the same time, I would bring clam chatter all the time. Because when you're working in a movie theater,

you're making eight bucks an hour and people would devour it. It's just like the little things make a huge difference. And it's amazing that Gabriel brings Martine on the road for so long. I've never seen Martine. I'm sure he's a great comic. But at the level Gabriel's at, he could have literally almost any comic open up for him.

And he still brings his friend after, I don't know how many years they've been on the road. Okay, so he's got, Gabriel's got Martine. Right. Ricutierrez and Alfred Robles. That's three miles and he pays them generously. He's got a manager, an agent, a publicist, you know, a law team, a whole agency behind them.

But did you meet Ivan? I don't think so. He came over to me with a beard and glasses. Oh, then maybe I did. He came over and he said, Ivan is one of the best kids you'll meet out here. Ivan is just one of those kids that we all hung out with 16 years ago at while, while tortillas or wild coyotes on Wednesday nights, while coyotes

was a bar in Montabello, Montabello, next to Montabello there by the hospital. And it was owned by the cartel. And they would change names every eight months. And they used to be tortillas, wild coyotes. Then they went back to wild coyotes, tortillas. And Wednesday nights, if you went there, you basically picked up $40 in a barrito.

And sometimes you went there at 10 and you stayed till one. And sometimes you went there at 10 and you got out at 10 30. You never knew because you never knew how much time the host is going to do. Right. But all of us went through that place on Wednesday nights. That was my first $40 pickup. And then I stopped somewhere else at 9 30 pickup 40. Now I got 80.

Right. And a burrito. And a burrito. And then I go to the comedy store with 80 bucks. And I get my grandma coke and I go to the bar and have a couple cocktails and nobody would know nothing. Do you understand me? That's how I made a living.

Meanwhile, I was getting better at comedy because I was going out every fucking night to all those places. But the main one on Wednesday was Wild Coyotes, Casa Latina. And all those guys went through that. And you would go every week? Every fucking week. That was when I wasn't on the road. Okay.

Mondays, Mondays. When I first got here, like Tommy Easter level. Right. Tommy Easter level. Mondays. It was the last factory for the Spanish show. Okay. Universal city.

They used to do Mondays. Universal city. And you picked up 25 to 40 bucks up there and Mexican food, like a little bowl of chicken or a drink or something, a drink coupon. I forget what the name of it is. It's right across from John Lovitz, before it was John Lovitz. So you went to the last factory, did your spot, shot up there, did the 10 o'clock spot. And then I would shoot to the store and do an 11.45 spot.

And I would close out the store till 2 o'clock. Tuesdays was Black Knight economy store. So you avoided it if you could at all costs, because it was too jam packed. You couldn't park. So you would call in from Monday through Monday, and then Tuesday off, and then Wednesday through Sunday at the store. So Tuesday nights, I would go to either, there was something, they used to have something off the 605.

Okay. And I would go there and pick up 40 bucks. And then there was another room by Taco King Taco. Yeah. And that was like 60 bucks. It was like a little jazz bar. And we'd go there, and then I'd go to the commie store.

It always ended at the commie store. So I always try to do three spots a day. Wednesdays, we had a full fucking house. Wednesday, you had Casa Mother fucking Latina. You had Bob Coyotes. Jeff Garcia would have a room in fucking West Covina. And then you had the commie store. Thursday nights, you had the fucking contest down in Redondo Beach.

So we'd go all the way to Redondo Beach, 730, it started. So you had to drive in traffic like a motherfucker. Redondo Beach, $100 winner. Down the way up, you stopped at one of Rudy Moreno's rooms. On Thursday night, he used to have the Irish pub in front of the strip club. In front of like, I forget what the name of that town is. It's like, it's a whole block strip club.

Like, what's that thing? 52 ugly ones and one pretty one. All right, right. It's that chain, but they would have the whole block and in front of it, that little Irish bar on the corner. And one of my first dates with Terry, I went in there. I had no money. It was a $50 Rudy.

Oh, Thursday nights was the commerce casino. Rudy Moreno. So Rudy, I knew Rudy had something, but I think Tuesday nights, he had the Irish house. And when I went down there, I went to our first date with Terry. And I was on stage rocking and rowing, talking about blow. And when I was on stage, some guy threw his wallet at me. Why?

I don't know. And when I got off stage, there was a little door there and I opened it up and I took my wallet and gave it to the guy and put the 100 in my pocket. He said, thanks, man. And I ran out of there with Terry and went and bought fucking blow for me and after my wife. But I was out three nights, three spots a week.

How many miles do you think you'll put on your car a year back then? First off, I didn't have a new car. I had a fucking thing that was a nightmare from debt. Right. And I would just drive that motherfucker. No breaks, no registration, no insurance. That's it.

I just took my chance until it got towed. And that's from the hence the story. My apartment got towed because I lived in my car. Right. But you were driving on like, people who don't know though, like just in the last factory to Universal City, it's probably the week like what, a 30, 40 minute drive? No.

If traffic. No, it wasn't that traffic. I don't know what the fuck at night. I could be up in Universal City in 25 fucking minutes. So my spot would be at 825. And I wouldn't have to be up there till 9.30, 10. Oh, okay. So I would have tons of time.

But you have tons of time, but it's still, it's still like what, 20 miles? And then you have to go back for the comedy store. And I have to go back to the comedy store later on that night. Yeah, no, it's, it's commitment. It's fucking driving. You got to put your soul into it. And once you get in the rotation that you learn in Sunday nights,

Sunday nights, Hollywood used to do a bunch of counties like the Ivar bar. And what's the bar we go for chicken wings? Over here in the North Hollywood, right here. Oh, the Magnolia one? Right here. That chicken wing. I'm fucking on Lancashire with a sports bar. Oh, big wings.

Big wings. They used to be a big wings in Hollywood on Cawanga. And they did stand up on Sundays. Uh-huh. So we'd go there, we'd go to the Ivar bar, and then I'd go host at the comedy store and do the 10 o'clock hosting. How much could you do this before you were getting paid for comedy?

Like when you were just doing open mic? I was getting paid then. Well, no, I know up here you were, but like if you're not making anything, and then you have to pay for gas, that's like, I don't know how people would do it. What do you mean? Like when you, let's say you started in LA, right?

And you were doing open mics, you're not getting paid for. Sometimes you have to pay to get on. Right. If you have to drive all of these places and pay for gas, how can people survive? You gotta get a fucking job, you gotta hustle. Gas was the least of my fucking worries. It was getting on fucking stage.

Yeah. God, you'll get gas. Lee, give me two dollars. Two dollars? That's it. Give me two dollars. I'm making work because two dollars will get me to the destination when I get to 40.

Well, I need to hit you up for 24. Just give me two, though. Give me two bucks to get me there. People give you two bucks. Yeah. People will give you two bucks to supply your fucking dream any day of the week. You come to me and say,

you need three dollars for a gallon of gas to drive to a gig. I'll give you the fucking five dollars because I've been there. You just want to get there. And then once you get there, I used to drive like that to contests. And then you'd have to win or else you couldn't get home? Yeah. I'd have to win.

When I was in Seattle, it was a contest in Tacoma every Monday. Run by some chick that's still doing comedy there. And on Monday nights, if you won, you picked up 100 bucks and you come back to follow and we can host it and picked up 100. So I would take a week off and keep going back there, dog. Really? I think I lost one time. I'd go back there and fight for my fucking hundred dollars.

Jesus. It's a lot of commitment, especially when you're broke. Because that's the back breaker. It's easy to have commitment when you have money. That's the back breaker. It's easy to have commitment when you have money, but you don't have the same fire. The fire you have.

When I know, wait a second, if I listen, there was time, I think, wasn't he saying that he would eat the cherries and the peanuts from the comedy store? Probably. Last night, didn't fucking Steve Simone say that in the car? Oh, maybe. Last night. You know, when you read Kenneson's book,

him and Carl LaBeau used to eat all the fruit at the comedy store from the fucking bar. Yeah. You know, listen, man, when you want to do something, this is how you do it. This is why I know when somebody comes to me and they go, man, I've been doing everything in the world. Nothing's going on.

But where do you go at night? You can't tell me because I know. I know the eyes. I know the eyes. I know the savage, right? I know the fucking commitment it takes. I know what you're feeling when you wake up in the morning and your heart's beating and you're frustrated.

And you got three fucking cigarettes left. And it's nine o'clock in the fucking morning. You got a dollar and a half of fucking breakfast. You know, and you got to figure it out, man. You got to figure it out. How am I going to make this work today? You got to stop at Josh Wolf's house and get an English muffin just to hold you over

and hope that he left a dollar on the table for one of the kids. And you clip that. And then I go over to the gas station and I talk to Avi for a while. And he'd go outside the pump gas and I'd steal a pack of cigarettes. Then I go to the comedy store and take a shower. And while I was at the comedy store, I drank sodas and shit.

And then somebody come in and go, hey man, I got a half a sandwich. You want it? Bam! I got some nourishment. Now I can fucking do some creativity. Now I can go make some money. And I go back to Ralphie's house and get on his phone and call a couple of clubs

or talk to Ralphie about a lead or something. And that's it all fucking works out. And then some days you have, pick up 50 bucks. And all of a sudden you bump into Mike Ricker and he's telling you how he needs money for the sandwich. So you fucking hook him up and it's an ongoing thing, man. And I don't come up to you six weeks from now

and go, hey, Lee, fuck you, man. What about the time I gave you $2? No, don't give me the money there. If you're going to call me on it, don't give it to me, dog. You gave it to me and that was it. It's air. It's a brotherhood. It's a price you pay to do what we want to do

when you're putting money into the universe. You know, sometimes people think that you put all this effort into something. Sometimes it's like the other day I went to a meeting and the guy goes, well, what the act? And I go, when I come home, the first thing I do when I come back from an audition is I walk in my room as a stack.

I thank you cards under the computer. I take it out. I look at the address of the casting director. Oh, I look it up. Because sometimes just where you went to read is not her address. You just went to read this. She just hired that.

Right. So she's got an office. You fucking type it in. You say, thank you for seeing me. Much love. Stay black, Joey Diaz. Between you and I right now is men. You know what the chances are her seeing that postcard?

One in 10 something? 10%. Yeah. I know this going in, but I'm sending it because I'm putting the work on to the universe. I did that. I did that.

You put the work on to the fucking universe. The universe takes notes. Trust me when I'm telling you, man, I don't care how fucking bad you feel and you're thinking you're not making stride. The universe is taking notes. The problem is we don't have the patience to outweigh the universe's rewards.

Right. Because it never comes as fast as you want. It never comes as fast as you want. So what do we do? We stop putting effort into the thing we love and depending on some stupid job to pay the bills. Knowing, and I see this every day, that if they put 110% into that losing battle,

you give me 60 days of sweating tears and I guarantee you eek out of living. What does eek out of living mean? Eek out of living means that you will pay your rent. You will pay your car payment. It will cover a little weed. You'll pay your school loans and you'll sustain. I'm not talking about putting money in the bank.

No, please. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. I didn't say about you saving thousands. That's not going to happen. I'm talking about eeking out of living and looking at yourself in the mirror and going, Jesus Christ, I'm doing this on my own.

Now, the smarter guy goes, I don't know how much longer I could do this. The genius says, if I eeked out this much, with this much, how much can I eek out if I put this much in? That's when your time becomes much more valuable. Yeah. That's when you go, oh, I heard a fucking interesting expression one time.

If I put all the effort I did into copying a grandma blow into something positive, what would the result be? Yeah. It would take me eight fucking hours to copy a grandma blow. Would it really? Because I'd be sitting there.

Who can I borrow 20 dollars from? Lee. Lee, let me borrow 20. Now I got 20. And when I come to the office, Lee, what's that fucking thing there? It doesn't work, Joey, if you want to fuck it. I take that stand to the fucking point shop.

I get 15 for it. I just made $35. Then I go home and now I got $35 and I've already coped the quote. But now in an hour, my sister gets home and she'll give me $20 that she owes me for gas. You know how much commitment I could do in that hour? Nothing.

I'm just thinking about my sister. So in those five hours I waited for those $50, I could have wrote 10 fucking jokes. Yeah. And that's, it's that first eking living that you get that you go, I don't know, I'm just eking. But you're not thinking about the positive side of that. Wait a second.

You were getting up three months ago. Driving and putting up with shit. You're doing this on your own right now. We're on to something. We could double this. How much effort am I putting in now? I'm putting in 55 fucking hours a week. What is that?

If I work and get a part-time job making 10 bucks an hour at 15 hours, I could at least make $150. But I gotta go to work somewhere. What if I take 55 hours of work and I had, instead of 15, I had 10 more of work to this day. Let's see what happens. And you'll get the money you were going for the 15 hours. And now you're like, wait a second.

I'm eking out 1500 a month from this job of doing stand-up. And now you're halfway there. Once you're eking out 1500 a month from doing stand-up, you're halfway there. Even if you're doing graphic design, or if you're painting houses, you're halfway there. You're covering your nut, you're paying rent, but you're doing what you want to do.

And you're not taking fucking orders. How exciting was it for you the first time you paid your rent with comedy money? Took me about eight years. I'm not here to lie. Eight years? With just comedy money. Yeah.

Not stealing, not bringing back a receipt from a toaster the first time. And I'm worrying for you if I tell you eight years. How many years do you think it was? I was sharing rents. I was barely making rents. I was living on floors. I was living in cars.

I was living on buses. Not going to lie to nobody until he was fucking glamorous. That wouldn't do anybody any fucking good. But something made me believe Lee. Is that you and me? What? The phone. Should I stab you now?

Wait, I'm just keys easing you. Something makes you wake up and go, well, I'm going to stick this out one more fucking week. Especially when I came here. When I came here, it was a nightmare because I kept saying, I could be in, I could be in fucking in Colorado working at the sports betting business.

Right. By this time, I would have been making seven, eight thousand a week. Meanwhile, I'm out here living on Ralphie's floor, you know, arguing with my ex-girlfriend. It was horrible. It was horrible. But I just had something in my heart.

Something kept bothering me. That was. Yeah. It's like what you just said is how the last year or two of my life, not to an extent, I'm not going broke or anything. But it's amazing for me and for you, I would imagine. I just didn't, I didn't want to give up. I put so much work into this that for me to even consider

not doing it, it may be just too much pride. Maybe, maybe, I mean, that could be a downfall, but I would never want to put all those work into something and then just go like you would never, if you got an offer to make, I don't know, a million dollars being a sports betting service. I don't think you do it right now. No, I wouldn't. I put too much interest.

I'd listen and don't get me wrong. In 2009, I was not going to quit the business. I was going to quit an aspect of this business. Right. I wanted to turn it around. I wanted to get a day job or at least I thought that because that's a fantastic dream for a guy like me, is going back to sell cars, is doing something like this

at this point. Why? I don't know. For some reason, I have this stupid belief that, you know, but what was the subject? About not giving up. You can't. Right.

You can't. You can't. My knee is killing me. My knee is killing me. Do you know that? I can't even walk straight anymore. Jesus. I tore the cartilage.

I tore everything in that motherfucker. But I got a jiu-jitsu eyes for three or four more months. I'm up to like three, five minute rolls right now. If I could get six rolls in in three months and start doing those six times, five minutes, I'll go down to two fucking 60 in no time. I'll go down to 260 in no time. I want to, before I go back to surgery and get out of shape again and have to start all over again.

Oh, Jesus. You follow what I'm saying to you? Sometimes we put so much effort in now, you got to stick around and wait for the fucking miracle to happen. And that's exactly what you're like. And you could do it and it would help your knee, but it would set you back. You're like, oh, fuck it.

I'm going to hurt. It's going to hurt me for a little bit, but it's worth it. It's worth it. I want to go in there with strong legs, my kettlebells, I'm going to go in there. You know what I'm saying? So a knee surgery is a lot easier. I'm not feeling bone on bone yet.

I'm not dying. I'm not living on a leave. I'm not living on pain kills. It's not that type of pain. I'm not going to lie to anybody. It's just uncomfortable when I drive in my leg twist and shit like that, stuff like that. Let me give you some shout outs here.

Okay. To my girl. Holy shit. Kamelita, 69 J. Danny Rodriguez, Dave Drancel, my man, the Australian warrior, Andrew Burns, Dante Guzzini always sending a fucking letter. I love you solo Polo Derek and Tom Owens.

I love you. Cocksuckers and that's it. You know, just want to talk to these people a little bit and just get it out there a little bit. But I just saw all the hard work he had put in last night and inspired me, man. It really inspired me. It took me to a different level that it's not about money.

It's not about it's about giving back some times, you know, and not so everybody knows. Gabe just served food last night and he hugged everybody. And that's a big gift for a lot of people. Yeah. That's a big gift for a lot of people, man. That a lot of you, I told, I think I reached over and I said something to someone like,

how many comics do you really see doing this? So it just, it just fucked with me last night. It's, that's what I'm talking about on the podcast because it fucked with me and I wish I could be, I could do that. And I know the more I do it, the better I'll become. And it's funny. D.L. Hughley was on Periscope the other night

at his Christmas party and he was Periscope and there were people there and a DJ and all that stuff. I followed Gabriel on almost everything, I think. I didn't see one picture, one mention about it. Not, I had a great time at my Christmas party. Nothing. Nobody needs to know nothing. Real motherfuckers moving.

Silence and shit. So you're taking mom up to the cabin of Dick, aren't you? Hell yeah. You already got a plan dad. Yeah, we're just, it's big bear. It's like a hundred bucks a night. Now where you getting the food from? There's a, there's a couple grocery stores

right up there and there's a lot of stuff up there but it's like a hundred bucks a night. We're going to go for like three nights. We have a whole cabin to ourselves with a hot tub. She's, she just finished her last final. It's going to be fun. You got TV up there, there's no TV. Oh yeah, there's TV.

There might not be cell phone service. We'll find out but they have a phone at the cabin. So we'll find out. That's perfect. Who gives a fuck? You going up there to love and eat some stars? Hell yeah. Oh you got, I got, I went and got a whole big thing last night.

I was, I thought, I was worried that they weren't going to let me buy stuff. So I bought like half of what I was going to buy. But it's going to be fun. You're on your way to San Diego. That should be a lot of fun. Yeah. Two fucking shows tonight.

I think that boat sold out at this point. And that's it. It's over. That's my last day of the year. And then it's New Year's of Rogan. And then the Savage Dad Tour starts in fucking January 28th. How the, how the Hong Kong in? At the Hong Kong in.

I'm also at the Hong Kong in next week. Thank you for reminding me. You're welcome. In Ventura. On Wednesday night with Uncle Joey Christmas show and shit. Lee, you coming? Absolutely. I'm not turning down Chinese food.

I love it. I can't, I haven't, when he said spare ribs, that's all I can think about now. So I want like 18 spare ribs. 18. No, they don't have spare ribs up there, don't they? Oh, that's fine. I'll find, I'll find something.

Rice and shit like that. Now it's the holiday season. I'm starting to feel next week. I got the baby all week. I got it all week. So I have like a limited schedule. But we'll be here at night, two nights. What do you got planned with her?

Well, I told you my dilemma last night that, you know, the big thing with my daughter is she gets all excited and then I take her there and she goes, no thank you. You know, like when Halloween, she kept watching vampires and ghosts and shit. And then I took her to some spooky house and every time a vampire would come to go boo, she'd look at him and go, no thank you and walk away.

So now, you know, she's on this Santa fucking kick. But last year when I took her to Santa, she threw a fucking fit. We got a picture of it in our bedroom. Of me holding Santa, Terry Howland and Santa looking at her like, what the fuck did I do? Mercy's like, get away, get the fuck away from me. So the last two weeks, she's been on this Santa kick.

So yes, that just looked like I go because all this terrorism shit, universal, if I was a terrorist, I'd definitely bomb university. When I go to a place now, I always say- You don't give them the idea. No, but when I go to a place now, I'm thinking, Jesus Christ, I would bomb this place if I fucking was a terrorist, right? Like I went to Eddie Braubers, did that.

Did they tell you about Eddie Braubers? No, you didn't. I went to EBI Five, fucking tremendous. Action was great. Gary Tone in one guy. When I congratulate Gary Tone, I'm winning it again. That fucking guy's the king of leg locks. One of our own Denny Prokopus from San Francisco 10 Planet.

Lost, I love him to death. He was the reigning champion. Javi Vasquez lost to Gary Tone. So it wasn't like Javi Vasquez lost to some fucking stiff down there. And I went down there and I was having a great time. I walked in, I saw Brendan Schaub and Rogan and the guy from the UFC, both of them were there, Ben Saunders and another kid from the UFC, the 170 welterweight.

And I sat there and 20 minutes in, I'm like, oh my God, I'm in the front row. If they come in with submachine guns, I'm getting fucking shot first. That's the first fucking thing I thought about, Lee. I got, you know, I'm like, Jesus. And I looked to the exit signs, there was no exits. So I would have to turn around and got shot execution fucking style without a cigarette in my mouth. So I'm like, fuck this.

I got up and sat in the middle and I mean, I was just nervous, you know, but I'm not taking nothing from Eddie's event. Eddie's event was fucking great. Eddie did a great job. The screens were great. The competitive was great. It was a lot of high level stuff that I didn't understand, Lee. Really?

Yeah. At that level, you're kidding me to see it. You don't see it. And it just moves so fucking fast. And you were saying that Javi Vasquez was, even though he ended up losing, he was just calm, like he was just sitting there relaxing. I am going down to the train. I'm going down to do a four o'clock training and I'm to do the Ontario improv.

Oh, really? Yeah, because it's, uh, it's, uh, he, his breathing was, to be honest with you, all those guys, I saw Gary tell him to take on two people. And one time he got up, he didn't even break a sweat. They're breathing controls everything. But I could sit here and try to cut through corners.

You know how you get that breathing like that? Rolling for 10 years? Rolling for 10 fucking years. Jesus. So it's that fucking simple. Let's get the sponsors going and we'll get the fuck out of here. Again, tonight, there's a few tickets available for the late show in San Diego, a 10 o'clock show, the American comedy company.

Next week, what is it? There's Wednesday night, the 23rd. I am at, uh, the Hong Kong gardens and Ventura tickets are available. Call the Hong Kong gardens and ask them. I'll put a link up tomorrow. And, uh, we want to start with some, you know, whatever you have resolutions for the new years and whatnot. I'm going to tell you what's a nice little service.

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and all our other great sponsors that helped us out during the week. And I want to thank you guys and wish you a merry Christmas. And we'll be back either Sunday night or Monday afternoon with a great podcast for you guys. Thank you very much, you bad motherfuckers. This show is brought to you by Blueapron.

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That's meondies.com slash Joey. Music Seven days and seven nights I'm walking around the world And I don't find a limousine For my old Mabaluayé Seven days and seven nights I'm walking around the world

And I don't find a limousine For my old Mabaluayé As much as I work I don't find a limousine For my old Mabaluayé Seven days and seven nights I'm walking around the world And I don't find a limousine

For my old Mabaluayé Seven days and seven nights And I don't find a limousine For my old Mabaluayé There's a lollipop Saint of my devotion If you give me what I ask of you I will make a coronation

Seven days and seven nights I'm walking around the world And I don't find a limousine For my old Mabaluayé Seven days and seven nights I'm walking around the world And I don't find a limousine For my old Mabaluayé

Seven days and seven nights I'm walking around the world And I don't find a limousine For my old Mabaluayé Seven days and seven nights