Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #354 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt with Danny B.

Episode Date: February 9, 2016

Danny B. Sports betting expert and childhood friend of Joey calls in to Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt.   This podcast is brought to you by: Club W. Go to www.clubw.com/joey to get 50% off of your first order of wine curated just for you Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Ring: Go to ring.com/church to get Free expedited FedEx shipping Recorded live on 02/08/2016.


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What's up you bad motherfuckers, good morning. Uncle Joey direct with his main man, Lee Syatt ambassador to Jewish fucking enterprises Monday, February 8th. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Lee Syatt talked to me, you bad motherfucker. Oh my God, I had a crazy workout. I've never, we've been talking about doing other stuff

to get my body like shocked, I guess, because I've been doing the elliptical for so long. And Steve Simone and his buddy brought me to the gym yesterday. The big guy, he's a great guy. Everybody says he's nothing but great things about it. Oh well, there's Robert Oberist, the really big guy who this guy works with, Mike Pye.

He owns Freakware, it's a bodybuilding company. Okay. And they brought me and I did squats. I've never done any of that. And so it's really, it's scary. What else did they have me do? Well, we did squats. That was the majority of what we did.

We did squats on the regular one and we did like five or six sets of that. And then what really killed me though was we, like I got, I went up to like the highest that I could do. And then we went way down and did like 20 reps, which is really hard. And then we did like the circuit thing where some of us were doing dumbbell curls,

the one where you raise the plate up to your side. And then when the one person was doing, when you pull in, I don't know what the, I don't know what, see that's how it's- It's okay, it's okay. Listen man, you got as long as you did it and you went down there and you did it with somebody who knows you can get hurt

and now you can do it on your own. Yeah. You do it a couple of times. Absolutely. And now you can do it on your own. That's all that matters cause you really have to switch it up, you know? And I was telling them cause they were,

they were being very nice to me and they were like, oh, you're doing great. And all that. And I was like, I haven't been good at one single physical thing in my life ever. And so anytime anyone says something like that, like even in jujitsu, when anyone gives me a compliment, I feel like they're messing with me a little bit.

Even though I know they're not, I've just always been terrible at everything. So it's nice to get to be with people who are positive about it. And like you can actually have fun working. Like I've never had, I used to think people were crazy when they said they had fun working out.

Anybody who knows anything about anything knows that the biggest compliment you could give yourself is when you go take care of yourself. Is when you're a good friend to yourself. Everybody's always worried about other things. So there's a, there's a big understanding in the gym, jujitsu, karate. If it's a real school and you're dealing with real people,

they should come up to you after the class and look at you a certain way and go, hey brother, it means a lot that you're here today because I'm scanning and I'm in shape, but I look at you and I want to help you. That's a real thing. When I told you about Christie Miller, Christie Miller's a comedian, a dear friend of mine

from the comedy store that moved to New York, but Christie worked at the Gay Golds. Oh, the gym, right, okay. And Christie was very nice to me. And you've had those people that need, that tell you you need to work out without telling you. Christie was that person in my life. And before any, like Rogan would say to me

from time to time, but Christie was really the first person that said, hey man, I'm going to give you a free membership to Golds before I leave. And she gave me one. And it took me about a month to go down there. And I would go down there and they were all gay men. Now guys, I can handle myself.

I think I can and whatever. When I got to that gym, I found a different type of love there. Yeah, every once in a while there was a creepy guy that came over and said something to me. But besides that, there were guys that were big guys. The bigger the guy, he'd come over and go, hey man, I've been watching you.

I'm really happy that you're here. And if you need any help, come over, I'll squat for you, I'll help you. That's when you know, that's what makes you go back to the gym. It really, and it makes you go back and it makes it, makes the time go by quicker. That's the worst part about the ellipticals.

Here's the deal, I'm going to tell you a big secret. Okay. That a lot of people don't know. When you do anything you don't want to do, the fun starts in your head. If there's anything I learned from Joe Rogan, is that he used to always tell me, I have fun before you go on stage.

I would look at that fucking, like what the fuck are you talking about? There's a million other comics. And a million people will tell you to have fun. And for years, I turned it into this mix mask. Sometimes I would have fun. Sometimes I would be all businessy. Sometimes I would take it all serious.

Nothing happens, especially when I'm working out and take it from me, man. I would go to that jujitsu and dread it. But on the drive, if I told myself I was going to have fun, like when you were a kid to have that feeling that you were going to amusement park or to a movie, or some chick was going to let you see her teddy, I take my mind there.

And when I walk into those places now, it becomes fun. It becomes fun before I walk in the door, which people don't do. People look at it as, oh, this is going to be hard. It's even when we meet with the needles. Absolutely. For 35 years, I would work it up. Oh my God, Lee.

I could tell you on the hand how many times I went down to waxless. The first time I went to waxless for a physical, I took the finger in the ass. I took the lung x-rays. I took the piss test. I took everything else. When it came time to take the blood, I got up and left.

And listen to, I talked myself into going back to follow on Monday. Like I walked, like, you follow me? Like I was embarrassed. Like I walked down there and I said, okay, give it to me. So there's been times before that where I pulled up and I would leave. When I went for the sleep apnea,

I walked in there like a fucking, like a Vietnam vet dog. I wouldn't even talk to him like I'm saying there, better not be a needle in the ball. And he's like, there's no needles in the ball. All you have to do is take a sleep test. So, but once I started looking at it with the music and nothing's going to happen, it's going to be fun. I just go down there now.

I breathe and I walk in there. And no matter how fun it is, I start giggling. Just out of like habit, you know? I start fucking giggling. You know, when I do those warmups at jujitsu, you know, listen, they make you do like 20 jumping jacks, which we've been doing jumping jacks all our lives, right? You know, 20 jumping jacks, 20 squats,

and then 20 pushups. By the time you get to the sit ups, the fourth exercise, you can't fucking breathe. So I figured out if I lay my head flat, I let my neck open. Oh yeah. So it breathed. So I let that and now I giggle.

And there's sometimes I pull myself up and sometimes I don't, but every time I go to a class, I pull myself up one more time. Do you know what I'm saying? So I'm up to like eight sit ups now without just stopping because then you start all over again. You go back to jumping jacks, back to sit ups, back to push ups, back to squats.

Oh God. Then you do triangles by yourself. Then you do something else. You do a fucking pretty good warmup. And this time I've been back there sweating my balls off. I'm gonna be sweating my balls off today. It's 80 degrees here in LA. And especially in the key,

do you find that you're not having to force yourself like it being a good mood now for you to do? Like the first couple of times you probably had to force yourself, but now it just happens. No, I know that every time that I go, I'm gonna get better. I've learned from comedy that all you gotta do is keep going. Keep going. You're gonna get roughed up.

Keep going. And the more you get roughed up, the better you're gonna get at something. The more you get roughed up in the beginning, the more you say, fuck it, I'm quitting. That means you gotta stay another day and watch what happens. Cause I don't want anybody for at any time to look at me and go, oh my God, he didn't want, fuck you.

There's one thing I did and I worked on this shit. I worked on staying up. I really, really knew that that was the focus. Like sometimes when you've realized that hip escapes or the focus of jujitsu, you just wanna do hip escapes all fucking day long. Cause you know, it's the backbone to jujitsu. It's the backbone to your cardio.

Can you imagine just doing hip escapes for an hour? How long the backbone is never easy? How long, how long would it take you to be good if you did hip escapes for an hour, three times a week? Two weeks. You stopped to breathe and you did them again and you stopped, I thought about that. Just going to a gym one day

and just doing sets of hip escapes until you die. I'm sure if we went right now to John Budd and like didn't even take the class, just said, can we just be over here? I'm gonna do hip escapes until I puke. He would die. It'd be great. One hour of hip escapes.

There's no better shape than that. And then after like six weeks, you just do 30 minutes of hip escapes and just roll for 30 minutes. You'll lose a hundred pounds. If you look at it from that perspective, 12 weeks for three times a week, you did that. You would lose a hundred pounds

if you just did your calorie thing on mycalorie.com. Oh yeah. I can't even imagine how many calories you'd burn doing that. And for people who don't know, it's a hip escape as you lay in your back and you're just pivoting your hips, I guess, up towards your head. And then you literally,

well, the first time I saw it, I couldn't believe it, but you literally move up and down an entire floor just on your back. And it's just, it's killer. You know, let's talk about something that's the obvious. It's the elephant in the room. Because even I, I mean, I fell asleep yesterday. I'm getting older guys and the plane rides

are fucking killing me. They're fucking killing me, Leigh. You know, I could tell that I can't do three weeks in a row no more. I don't mind doing two weeks in a row, but then I got to take some time off, you know. At least you know, though. I've cut my schedule down.

I had to, I had to Leigh because it affects the podcast. Sundays, I'm wiped. Like yesterday, I couldn't even think last night. Like my wife even said something to me last night. She goes, where you been all day? I'm dead. You know, in this week, I had the problem of insomnia. Oh, you couldn't sleep.

So I kept waking up and they had a great shower. So I would just lay in the shower for two hours and let the hot water hit my face. And sometimes I would sleep. Sometimes I would just think of material. Sometimes I would just think of different things. I didn't really sleep well. I ate tremendous.

One thing St. Louis has is good food and fucking cheap. Dog, like I said, I had some salmon with some wasabi. That motherfucker was solid jack. And the salad they were building me, nice lettuce, tomato with onions, delicious. All the hotel? All at the hotel. I had a nice breakfast.

Had a little corned beef hash with two eggs, wheat toast and oatmeal. Light. Very nice. Very like a half a cup oatmeal hash. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. I'm trying to really get it back. I got to get down to 260.

I got to make my head look really big, but it's weird. I got back from the thing yesterday about 10, I went home and I did my usual stuff. I got my laundry ready for the week and all that stuff. And then my wife came home and I played with the baby and about one third I couldn't take it. I couldn't take it at 12 yesterday. I was ready to go to sleep.

I wanted to play with the baby a little while and joke around with it. And I took a nap. I went dirty and when I got out, the soup bowl was already on. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. And when I looked at it, it was 10-nothing. Now, I knew it was going to be under.

I knew it was going to be under. People always say, oh, it was two great defenses. Listen, I got a bad news for you. It takes a good offense to get to the soup bowl, but it takes a better defense to get to the soup bowl. That's what they always say, defense wins sham. Defense wins sham. And the story.

And what makes a good defense? These guys have been playing together. So they know each other's capabilities. They know they trust each other. It's a real, it's not just a team that got built overnight. No, Denver's been playing together for a couple of years. They're scared. Denver's defense is scared.

They're scary. They're scary. That one guy on the end that kept. Von Miller? No, the other guy, 94. Where? Yeah. DeMarcus where?

DeMarcus where is very scary. But I'm watching this and I'm like, you know, how did I see this? First off, this started in 1983. The Super Bowl? Like, what do you mean? Everything that happened yesterday culminated back to me from 1983.

When I moved to Colorado in 1983, April 83, it was July, August, September. It was Elway's first season. By the way, the 30, 30 was on the night when I got home about the 83 draft with Kelly. That was a great one. And why Marino didn't get drafted. Marino was on blow and everybody knew it.

And the word had gotten out. But, you know, I was in Colorado and I would work during the week. But on the weekends, I would paint for VPM, Valley, whatever. And one of the guys would invite us over to his house. He was an original Colorado guy. Big jerk off. Not a bad guy, but he was a jerk off.

He wore fucking those earth shoes. Big jerk off. He smoked a pipe and him and his wife discussed how much weed they would smoke every week. I came from a different society at that time. But he was nice enough to have me and my buddy Jimmy Burkle got arrested, sold to his house on Sundays and we watch football.

And I remember that this guy never played even hopscotch in his life. You could see that this guy had never played a sport in his life. And what really pissed me off every time I went to his house to watch a Bronco game is how much he would put Elway down. He just hated Elway. Yeah. Oh my God, they hated fucking Elway.

Why? Wasn't he great? He was a rookie and they were, you know, people expect all these high expectations of you when you first fucking started it. Hold on, let me hit this motherfucker. That was speaking of that 3430 that was crazy. Just the same agent had Elway and Marina. So, you know, every time I go over there,

he throw a fit on Elway, you know, and then Elway didn't win. And then one thing led to another. I never thought Elway again. I went back to New York and started doing more drugs and, you know, gave less of a fuck about football than I already did. You know, in 85, I moved back to Denver.

And I don't know how I felt about the Broncos then. I don't know, whatever. It wasn't until I escaped Aspen Thanksgiving of 86 that I went to Boulder with my now ex-wife. And I was at a mall one Sunday and it was the Sunday when he went off against Cleveland, John Elway. In 86. In 86.

And I said to myself, Jesus fucking Christ, that kid that everybody hated four years ago, look at him now, you know? I was at the old Crossroads Mall. And listen, the TVs were on in the hallways and everybody in the mall was watching. If you were gonna rob that mall, it was then. It was amazing.

Elway did the comeback and he brought them, marched them from one side of the field to the other. It was brilliant to watch. And in the back of my mind, I was like, wow, the guy that this guy would put down, look at them. And a couple of weeks later, they were going to the Super Bowl against the fucking giants. And I was living in Bolton.

I was working in a car wash. I just got a job in a car wash as a fucking shagger. Know the shagger is Lee? No, it doesn't sound good. Pretty much they just piss and shit all over you. You got to wash cars for customers. You got to clean the bathrooms. You got to take people back to their jobs.

You know, after they've dropped their cars off, you do all shit work. And they would pay me nothing. It was 800 a month and I worked 60 hours a week. And I remember the boss was from New York and he was all excited about the giants. And I remember going, wow, all these people live here

and they don't cheer for the Broncos. What was I wrong? I remember going through a Super Bowl party and them getting killed. The giants killed them. The giant fucking Phil Sims went 23 for 25 against him. Phil Sims was the worst quarterback ever. And he has a legendary fucking game against him.

They matched him up yesterday. With Gary Kubiak, right? That was, he was the backup for Denver. So I used to, in 87, I used to go to a bar and get coke across the street from my house before. So they lose, they lose the Super Bowl. And for some reason, man, I lived there and I wanted to just,

I don't know, I wanted to be a part of something. Yeah, why not? Then they went back again the next year and they lost again. I don't know, against two, I can't sit here and tell you the stats. But I still remember being on a bar in 87 on a Sunday across from where I lived,

right before I got arrested for kidnapping. Maybe weeks before I got arrested for kidnapping. And they used to, the special was the trout. Amandine, delicious. With mashed potatoes and a salad and like a beer for $17.99 or something. I don't know what it was. And I remember being over there

and then they kept yelling, put in Kubiak. Put in Kubiak. So here's these two guys that in 1987 were losing and playing together. One was a quarterback and the other one was his backup quarterback. And I guess the Broncos, I don't know, went on to lose two or three fucking Super Bowls.

They were like the fucking, they were like the bills before the bills or during the bills. There was either the bills or the Broncos getting beat up. I don't know the history exactly. I'm not that much of a fucking sports buff, but I do know that they were bad. And then again, I got into comedy more and more

and I forgot and all of a sudden I got invited to a Super Bowl party at some Jerk Wars house here in Hollywood. And we went and it was when they played Green Bay and the Broncos won the Super Bowl. And John L. Way was just phenomenal. I gotta tell you, I cried. But it took him, you know, I don't know how many fuckers,

83 to, I don't know when to win the fucking Super Bowl. And then that thing he lost three times where guys like me would have quit. After I lost three Super Bowls, I wouldn't be here talking to him. I'm embarrassed to even show my face. I take my millions and buy a house with no windows, you know what I'm saying?

And just to vent and have people bring me food. I wouldn't leave the house. After three times, you would think so. Is that what they lost three Super Bowls? I mean, I fucking don't know. It's either three or four, something horrific. That's crazy. Like the Minnesota Vikings with Frank Harkington,

you know, machine gun Kelly. To lose three times. Which one was the game where he did the helicopter? Like they hit him and then he did the helicopter spin into the end zone. Who, L. Way? Yeah. I don't know.

He was so, it's crazy for me now with Brady because I can see him getting towards the end of his career. It must be like what you saw L. Way from the time he was a rookie and now he's the president of the Broncos. From the fucking Broncos. So here it is. So here's these two guys

that lost three Super Bowls together and then ended up winning. What's not working? Oh no, I thought you, okay. I got the board. No, no, I really want to see. I really want to tell the story to people because this is what I saw yesterday.

I'm watching this going, wow. How the fuck did I miss this? If I would have remembered this, I would have sold this information. I would have told people, listen, the Broncos are a fucking lot getting given whatever the fuck they're given because let me tell you something.

This has been building for 30 fucking years. So they took all their experience and they got one of the or the best quarterback in the league. You know, I love Brady, but it's the truth. They got one of the best or the best quarterback and they nurtured him. And even though the guy was fucking hurt,

we discussed that, the guy was fucking hurt. They figured out a way how to win games, squeak by games and then bring them back and game whatever, eight, I don't know. 17, he was out for like a half the season. He, I mean, he's been hurt since when they, when they brought him to Denver, they were like his neck might not be that great,

but the defense was amazing. Like that was the difference, I think, because Von Miller was hurt last time they were in the Super Bowl. I mean, I hated Peyton Manning. I hated him as a growing up when he was with the Colts, but I was happy. Like he, that was how you're supposed to end a career.

200 wins, winning the Super Bowl. I was really happy. Amazing how him and his brother are both in the league. They're synonymous with NFL the last 15 years. Can you mention whatever their fucking names are? You know, people from Tennessee are excited. You know, he owns that pizza company. Oh, that, that what that pissed me off.

Did you see that? What? That literally the first shot after the Super Bowl is over is Peyton Manning kissing the Papa John's guy. I didn't see that. The Papa John's. You know, I didn't really watch the game. I, I left it on.

I was playing with Mercy in the bedroom. I was writing. I would listen to it. And then I would go in and watch two plays. But I noticed that the defenses were on. Once I saw the defenses were on, I loved the under. And if anybody that's listened to this went to see me and Charlotte, I told you, motherfuckers,

you never see a bookie with a part-time job. I didn't know about the fuck and who was going to win the game. But I loved the under because Denver didn't get to where they got with him missing that much without a dominating defense. Dominating means that they break you. And then the shit quarterback that they do have

or the guy that's covering for Peyton, all he has to do is put up two scores. Right. And that's, and but the over under, I think it was like 55 when I saw it. They were sucking you in. I knew it was gonna be over. I was over a thousand times. No, no, because first of all, the defenses were good.

You're not going to be throwing the ball up in the fucking air because you're going to get picked off. You're going to get picked off in the Super Bowl. You got to be careful with the air attack. It's got to be minimal and very, the quarterbacks that win the Super Bowl sims against the Broncos. 23 for 25.

You have to have an amazing. Everything has to work right there. You can't, there's no room for fuckers. If you start getting intercepted and they read it, you're going to have a long day. If you look at the history of Super Bowls who started getting intercepted and early that think that they fucking air court,

they're going to start real and start bombing at you. So I knew that Peyton Manning, he's 30, he's 40. What do you think he's going to do? He's going to go out there and throw a bunch of darts. No, I knew that it was going to be a 24 something game, 21 something. It was going to be somebody and somebody wasn't going to get it together.

Somebody was going to get shut down. I didn't know. I didn't tell you it was going to be a no 43, 44 game. I thought it would be at least 30 something. No way. No fucking way. They got it in a bag. Let's say Cam Newton went off.

Right. Cam Newton through 24 and Buddy through seven, they got a field goal. That's still under and that could possibly be bleep. And I looked at it from the other way. What if Cam Newton doesn't go off and homie goes off? What's homie going to go off for? Two touchdowns.

Right. Maybe three. They had one offensive touchdown for the majority of the game yesterday until the very end. The Super Bowl is completely different. The Super Bowl is where your secret weapon always shines. There's a secret weapon that you don't see when the fucking Giants played Buffalo that year

is where you see the genius. I love seeing the genius of a fucking team. I don't like just seeing passes and people jumping up and down and coming out. I want to see the genius. I want to see, when I watch New England, I see the genius of that team. And then when he's got plenty of time to throw the ball

and he sits back and he's just been a cosky up the middle. And who throws the ball down the middle of you? With a guy like that. Because no one's going to stop him. But that was our issue this year. We didn't have everything. But Denver had that. I think their secret weapon was just that defense.

I couldn't believe, like Cam Newton is, like Tom Brady isn't known for running around that much. Cam Newton is known for it. And they were just swarming him. Swarming. And if you really think about it, the Super Bowls are about defense. But so my point being that these two guys

took their quarterback knowledge. And as a team, they thought together, listen, if we get the quarterback, we could squeeze him. How many Super Bowls do you win there? Just one. He went to two. He just won one though. But I got the L-Way thing up now.

So if you want me to go through his time as a Bronco. Yeah, go, go, go. Just so you see the experience. What happened yesterday? What happened yesterday started in 1983 as a quarterback. His performance, you know, Kubiak being behind L-Way. This is fucking brilliant.

This is fucking brilliant. Okay, so that he was there for 15 years, 83 to 98. Listen to this. They won five AFC West championships, three AFC championships, and then they went to three Super Bowls. Super Bowl 21, 27, and, I don't know, I'm sorry, 22 and 24.

And they won 24. That's crazy. So they lost two Super Bowls. Right, yep, they lost to the Giants in Super Bowl 22. And the Redskins. Yeah, the Redskins. And then they beat the 49ers. And who else?

How many champions did L-Way win? One or two? All I'm seeing is one, yeah. Yeah, he retired following the 88 season. Okay, 98. Right, right, sorry, 98. Jesus Christ, you're reading it and you're fucking it up for the love of Christ.

What am I gonna do with you? Who knows? But that's what I saw yesterday. I saw something that started 30 fucking years ago that they knew exactly how to win a Super Bowl. They had both been, you know, Kubiak and L-Way had been the three fucking Super Bowls together, plus the one Peyton Manning

won that he lost. Yeah. And I didn't think about this before the game. Like that was something I just neglected to even think about that I realized yesterday while it was 10 to fucking nothing, you know? Well, I think this was big for him because he traded away like the number one pick

and they had Tebow remember a few years ago and they brought Manning in. If Manning came in and didn't win a Super Bowl, it probably would have been a waste. So Tebow got drafted by the Broncos. This is how bad their memory is. He got drafted in the first round by the guy who's actually our offensive coordinator.

He went to Denver to be the head coach, drafted Tebow in the first round and he was gone like half a year later. They hated him, but yeah. And Tebow actually brought them to a playoff game, which is weird. But yeah, he hasn't played since Manning went to the Broncos. Wow.

He keeps signing on with us a few teams. He played with the Jets a little bit. He played with the Patriots for like a preseason, but he hasn't done anything. So how long has Manning been with the Broncos? I think three or four years. I can check him. That's it.

Yeah, that's it. Check it out for sure. That's it. I didn't know that. See, this is just, I don't know. I thought he was there a couple of years. No, no. Because I know he was out a year with neck surgery.

Yeah, he was there. And that was his last year in Indianapolis. Oh, and they took him. They took him when he was bummed and hurt and shit. And he got rid of him. Right. Yeah, yeah, Indy got rid of him. And they brought, that's when Andrew Luck came in.

Let me see where he came in here. Yeah, he played into. This is interesting. This is really, I didn't know all this. I thought he had been there like six seasons. No, he started in 2012. So I guess this is four. Wow, wow.

Yeah, he just, he went there. Yeah, I gotta stop smoking refit. I really gotta stop smoking refit though. My time lapse is getting worse and worse. Well, that just happens when you get older. But yeah, he went there to win a Super Bowl. That's the only reason he went there. And the first year he was there, they went to the Super Bowl.

I think that was at the year probably against Seattle. Cause last year was us against Seattle. No, it was probably the second year. Cause I think it was two years ago that he went against Seattle. Something like that. I can look it up, but yeah, they went just for that. It's pretty, I was thinking about the Super Bowl,

how it really is important for like the quarterback and everybody to be on the same page and how a good quarterback can get fucked up. Is there ever like a show like that for you? Like a comedy show that has like, you have all that pressure that you could be doing great, but it's a huge room or something that's just, and then it just doesn't go as well.

Always, always Lee, always. I had five good shows in Charlotte. I go to St. Louis Thursday night. I ate two stars or three stars. I teamed up with Joey Filato. I started talking shit and I took away from my focus. My set was mediocre, you know. Friday early and my set was mediocre.

I didn't really get to patois the room till Friday night late. And then Saturday early in my world was one of the best shows I've done since I taped the CD. Wow, is it because that room was a new room and you took a few shows to get used to it or what was it? No, no, no, no, it's just me. It all, you know, I had a lot going on in my head.

Sometimes you're not focused, you're not settled. You know, sometimes when you're getting beat up in Jiu-Jitsu, you have to do what? You have to pull back to the guard. You have to pull that guy back to your guard and get your breath and hold him there for a minute. It's the same thing with stand-up. There's a point where you have to take it right back to it.

And sometimes I go up there and I go off script. Like not script, but I go a little too crazy and then I gotta reel him back in a certain way. And sometimes I can't get the words together. I got too high or too high on edibles. And sometimes you can reel him back in and that's 20 years. That's the 20-year experience that a lot of people can't understand.

Because it was crazy, because Cam Newton was 15-1, was blowing people out. Blowing people out. And now- And that's the problem. That's what I don't like, that you can't lose in the playoffs. So that's why I like the New England Patriots. They always lose the last two games of the season.

Yeah, they always do. Because you can't win all the time. No. Rather you go into that shit with a loss somewhere, like season 16, like game 16, then go 15-1. Yeah, that's what happened to the Patriots against the Giants. Oh my God. I fucking hate that shit.

I want the feeling of losing, so it never happens again. The Niners in 83, when they beat Dallas or 82, whatever year that we're here, the reason why they were so good is because they lost, they won the first 11 games or something, and they lost game 12 against fucking New Orleans and New Orleans, which they always lost. Montana couldn't beat New Orleans Saints.

So next thing you fucking know, they were, you know, 16-1, they won the Super Bowl. They were lost to one game before they went into that playoffs stretch. Because if you're losing the playoffs, you're fucked. Oh, good. That commercial last night, the Super Bowl babies with the Giants,

I still get upset thinking about that, that helmet catch. Because we were 17-0. Fucking one at less than a quarter away from going to the Super Bowl. And it's just, what always pisses me off about Brady is that he goes for like the long ball, I think way too much. And I think that happened to Cam Newton yesterday

where he was throwing, like they said he was throwing too hard, like that Ted Ginn couldn't catch it a couple of times. When you're, and I'm sorry that I keep trying to bring it back to comedy, but it's just interesting how like, have you tried too hard? Everything, comedy, the UFC, football, basketball. Like if you reach for it.

You know, an NBC show, a talk show, you know, let me tell you something, you and I having a great time, you know. Right. Now, this is a great time. It's you and me, a camera, two pictures of you, a flag, some cameras, we got water in here. What if, what if I put 35 people in here right now

with fucking power booms and mics and cameras and three agents over there and your three agents looking at you, taking notes, waving at you and three more agents and the fucking yoga teacher and your psychic mystic and your parents. How would you just show be different? It'd be totally different. It'd be totally different, okay?

So here's fucking Carolina, Cam Newton and the team. The fucking great team. I watched that, you know, bits of that game against St. Louis. The defense was phenomenal. He was fucking phenomenal. I've caught bits and pieces, replays, ESPN, whatever. Cam Newton, I know who the fuck Cam Newton is.

But let me tell you something. Super Bowl week, something else happens. Okay, and I was thinking about it yesterday. Here your team is down 10-nothing. What was half time? It was somewhere like, it was close to that. I'll check. Okay, let's pretend it was 10-3.

No reason for you to check. Let's pretend it was 10-3. Yeah, somewhere close to that. You're the head coach of Carolina. You're running in, you got to stop to give an interview. Do you know how much you want to give an interview at that point in your life? Zero, I hate that interview.

Okay, you know how much, you understand me? So when you go to a fucking Super Bowl now, it's your mind is on the Super Bowl, but if one percentage of the cameras, interviews, it becomes something else. You know, I've said it a thousand times when Rhonda Rousey got kicked on the head and she went down when she was kneeling there

and they were asking her questions. She wasn't in pain from the kick. She'd been kicked before, she'd been thrown before. She was realizing all the things she hadn't done. Right, all the distractions. All the distractions, all the things you haven't done. How easy it is to get distracted. You know, I get 15 offers a week

to be on different podcasts and I love to do them more. The reason why I don't do them is because they take away from my podcast and their distractions. I love to help people out, but if it takes away from our podcast, I can't really fucking do it. I love to do Joe Rogan's podcast every month.

I can't because it takes away from what we're doing. I wouldn't know that unless I got kicked on the head 80 times. Yesterday, you said to me, why don't we do a podcast tomorrow night? Cause I have a fucked up week because of Marin. We would have done a podcast last night. We would have had to delete it.

Like we deleted two other ones this year because we did them in a hurry. My head wasn't clear. I never want to come in here in a bad state. And, you know, Super Bowl week is two weeks away, which I fucking hate. Two weeks, they have all that stupid interview stuff we were on the field.

And who doesn't start shooting videos and who doesn't start doing, you know, very few teams. You know, when the Chicago Bears played in the England Patriots in 80 something and they beat them a thousand to three that year. I remember they put out like a video of them dancing, you know, the Super Bowl shuffle. The Super Bowl shuffle and I'm like, look at these guys.

But maybe being that relaxed got them to win. There was such a dominant team that being that relaxed, it's like the documentary about the Niners when they were marching downfield and Joe Montana said, hey, isn't that the actor John Candy up there? And they all stopped and looked at them. They took their minds off the game. It's two weeks.

That's gotta be hell. That's like if you said to me, Joey, you're gonna shoot your special in New Orleans. HBO, theater, the whole fucking thing. But you gotta go down there two weeks before. Can't be around- Have meetings about it. Can't be around your family unless you're flying down.

You know, guess what? That special is not gonna work for a guy like me. No. Because I'm not gonna be grounded. I need to be grounded. I like being home. I like playing dad. I like talking to my friends from my school for breakfast.

I like calling Timmy on Monday mornings, you know? Danny B is gonna call up you. That's what keeps me grounded. And you imagine if I go down there into the radio every day and not do my little spots at the store and not do my little spots at the ha-ha-ha, it would be a different special. I know, as soon as the lights came on,

the same thing that happened to me when I did Vegas. I wasn't prepared. Wasn't prepared. There you have it. Did it ever happen? Fuck you, it happens. And that's what makes you better at what you do. Cam Newton's gonna win a Super Bowl.

Oh, yeah, he's very good. Maybe not next year, but in three years. Next year, people are gonna go to free agency, whose feelings aren't gonna get hurt, who didn't get the ball thrown at them, you know? You know, because then you involve that shit. Yeah, we're gonna come back and the White Hose are gonna suck my dick, you know?

That's a long plane ride home to fucking Charlotte. Could you believe the guy? I think it was the Denver guy who got arrested with his brother like two nights before at a motel in San Jose with prostitutes. Did he play? No, they sent him home. He was a practice squad guy.

They said it wasn't him, but I don't know, I think his brother just took the fall, but a couple nights before, they've had that all the time where people go out before and they don't get to play in the Super Bowl. That's unbelievable to me. How you, like, did you ever have to cancel a gig

because you got too fucked up the night before? I don't know, I don't remember, but I can't imagine going down there and getting busted in a sting. You know, Super Bowl week, HBO did a whole thing about Super Bowl week and what happens to a town? What happens to an area?

You know, it gets bombarded with hookers, pimp. You know, focus is about pickpockets that go to the fucking Super Bowl. Oh, they just go just for the Super Bowl? Oh my God, that's crazy. Yeah, and they pickpocket people, people walking around with camera lenses, taking pictures, tons of money, gambling,

you know, there's shit fucking going on Super Bowl week. I went to two of them, man, it's overwhelming. It was overwhelming for me that the second time I left, but I leave all the time. I don't like that many fucking people in one place. But it was very fucking overwhelming. I can't imagine for the player, for the tourists, a guy, six guys go down there, they see hot chicks, they're hookers,

but didn't fucking Warren Sapp get arrested during the Super Bowl? Yeah, last year. And he's done all the NBA playoffs or fucking something. They got in trouble for fucking something, man. They're down there, that's what those hookers are done. They, all the hottest hookers, like the hottest bitches that get three, four,

500 an hour here, they go down there because that's where the papers at. That's where the guys that want to cheat on their wives and want to eat ass and get their balls lit on fire. That's where they're at. It's amazing how we always hear, and you said about how like the economy's down, but I can't imagine being a hooker who's like,

fuck it, it's a Super Bowl. Let's go up there and get a hotel room and just make tons of money. Oh, we gotta call them then. What's up, my brother? You tell me, Coco. Nothing, how you feeling, buddy? Oh, oh, we're all over, but coming around, coming around.

What were you drinking last night? My usual, Grey Goose and Fresca. You remember Fresca soda? Fuck yeah, I love Fresca. Yeah, you throw a little Grey Goose in there, nice. You know, I found out years ago when I ran out of a mix at two in the morning, let me try some Fresca. It was on a bender that night.

And I haven't stopped since then, but it's Fresca and Grey Goose every night. How you feeling, man? Not every night when I do drink. How you feeling these days? Good to hear from you? Yeah, everything's good, man. Everything's good.

I had a little Super Bowl thing last night. Had a Mario Campones buddy, his brother here, Joey. Oh, what a character, man. What if he'd lost like 30 grand last night on it, truckin' nuts. So let me ask you this, what did the line start at? Well, actually it opened up at four and it shot right up to six,

then back down to five and a half. Right, when I was in Charlotte two weeks ago, the line was six. And what was the over and under? 45, 45 and a half, it closed at 43 and a half, though. So the money was on Carolina for sure, and on the under. But if you notice, like, I don't know,

an hour or two before the game, the line dropped down to four, four and a half. So some of the smart money came in last minute. That just cleaned up. I mean, this was a big win for them. I was just looking at some of the numbers, but my boy Joey got beat up, man. Watchin' him was better than watchin' a Super Bowl.

He does his oxy-cottons, his shots at Jack Daniels. Just watchin' him lose 30 somethin' thousand dollars in propositional bets. You know, not even the game who's gonna score, how many sacks, all that shit. It was like, pretty comical, but anyway. Everybody's good, pal, how about you? It's so funny how I was tellin' Lee in hindsight, you know.

The real big game was just bet the fuckin' game or a total, like, I love the understance. On stage, I said in Charlotte, I go, I don't know about the fuckin' game, but if you were gonna make money on this game, the under, you could bet it and go to sleep and wake up and make the call and collect. Because both the defenses are good,

and even if Cam Newton woulda gone off, he wasn't gonna go off three or four touchdowns. They don't wanna throw the ball that much, they get intercepted, and the other guy's an old man. He ain't throwin' no fuckin' four or five touchdowns. The other guy will put two touchdowns up and two field goals, and they're tryin' to squeeze it out, so defense had to be the fuckin' key.

I couldn't believe when I, and I was tellin' Lee that this started, if you know anything about anything, this started in 1983, when Elway threw his first ball for Denver. Like, I'm watchin' this yesterday, and I'm goin', Jesus Christ, how did I miss this? Fuckin', this guy's the president of the fuckin' team. The Coupillac, who was his backup quarterback,

is the coach of the fuckin' team, and they got the best quarterback, or one of the best quarterbacks of all time now in the team, and they're winning a Super Bowl with the wisdom that these two fuckin' horse heads got since 1983. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He is a horse head.

Yeah, he's a horse head, and Coupillac, I mean, is a fuckin' Momo, but he was a, that guy must've learned a ton about football being on the bench, watchin' Elway all those years. Well, he won a ton of Super Bowls as an assistant coach. Yeah. With Denver and somewhere else, too, and then he was a head coach at Houston,

he's been around for a while, Coupillac. Yeah, it's great to see people who put the fuckin' work in, man. Yeah, and not to not know, John Elway didn't age very good. He looks pretty bad, he looks rough, you know? He looks like 60-something. What if he was late 50s, mid 50s?

He's, he's, he's, he's, he's with us. He's two years older than us. Yeah, that's right. We're gettin' old, too. But let me tell you, let me tell you. 53, what are you, what are you, you're still in your 20s, bro. I've got a lot of life ahead of you.

27. I told Lita that goes quick, that let me tell you something. Danny B, I got into an elevator. The hotel, I stayed at in St. Louis, the beautiful hotel, but the elevators were mirrored all around. Brother, I have lost all my hair.

The only thing that's keeping me together at this dipty-doo up in the front, because everything behind that is one big ball patch. There's not even a yarmulke-bush there, like the yarmulke-bush the Jews get. Oh, no. I have burnt down. Don't just take it down.

Just go, go pray like I did. I have to take it down. Oh, no, no, I can't go bald. Yeah, I still got a lot of hair left that go bald to shave it all off. Besides, I got an ugly head. If I'm ugly with hair, can you imagine me without hair? Oh, Jesus.

You have to have a good head. You have to have a good head, you can't shave it. Daniel, it looks like fuck it. It does look like a dog. Oh, I got stitches. You have to have a good cranium. I got stitches. I got old whiteheads from the 70s

that were coke rocks that dissolved out of my skull. I used to get whiteheads in my head that would pop like a bullet hit them, pop from the fucking ingrown hairs in my head and shit. I don't ever want to see my head bald. But it's, it's really. You make the most of it, you know? You do, you do what you gotta do.

Speaking ahead of Mario's brother, Joey, he's a character, you know, and he's got this unruly dog that just, you know, eats everywhere, fucking pisses on floor, but he's got a head of hair on him. He's 50 years old and it's like, my God, I look at him, I just want to borrow it. Like, let me go on that hair.

I go to Hollywood, I'll be a star. That's the only thing that can stop me, couple, is hair. It's chinette, listen, with hair, it's fucking genetics. I feel, you know who I think about all the time? In fact, I spoke to James yesterday and I said to him, you know why I called you James? Because I was in the shower when I came out

and I was getting dressed and I was thinking about what to eat and for a minute there, I miss Glenn Hashway. And for people who don't know, Glenn Hashway is a kid that Danny and I grew up with who had a great deli, but he was going bald since the year after high school and guys, it drove him crazy. It was a 30 year obsession.

Every conversation you had with him, especially if you did a line of coke with him, was about his hair and how he was scared to do the surgery, but he had done everything voodoo, you know, massages, spray paint, and it's just genetic. Like Lee has a great attitude about it. I've known, I've known from the time I was a kid, my cousin was completely bald at 24.

My dad is completely bald. Like a few, a month or two ago, I just started shaving it. And it's just, it's so much, but I don't understand what people are saying. A little facial hair takes away from the baldness, you know? I could grow hair. My hair would look so thin, how ridiculous. Like I wouldn't go swimming with it.

It's so god forbid if I'm in the car and you're fucking out the window roll down, I'd be screaming at you. Fucking close the window, motherfucker. I like John Travolta, my hair, my hair. Oh, I used to hate getting pictures taken because of the thin hair. It's terrible.

Yeah, I had, I looked like Drago. I had hair like Drago, you know, from the Rocky movie. But, you know, I took it down, I think in 2000. And it was on accident. I was just trimming it, you know, I was like, and then I went too deep and it looked like I had mange. So I said, fuck, what am I gonna do? So I just said a little at a time and I was like fuck, fuck.

Within a week, you know, I was like, all right, I can do this, I can pull this off. So yeah, it's all right to go bald, go bald, my friend. No, no, no, like I said, I just need a few more years and then I'll shave it down. But I still got a little life left in the scalp. You know, I'm not gonna do the Neutrogena in my head. What's that shit they put in their hair?

They take the pills. Oh, that crazy shit. Yeah, no, I tried the Rogaine. Rogaine, you mean. Rogaine. That's what you face, Neutrogena. Neutrogena, I don't fucking know Neutrogena. Actually, that was a big thing in the prison system.

Fucking, they were sneaking in Rogaine. A lot of the guys that were using it on the street, that was one of the things that the guards were bringing in Rogaine. I can't believe who gives a fuck about using Rogaine in jail. What do you give a fuck about your appearance? You know what, you know, not everybody's doing a life sentence.

They're coming home, some of them. So I guess they wanted to come home with hair. Yeah, but you know, everything's the same, man. We're getting some snow tomorrow or late tonight. We just dropping Joey off at the bus stop. Jamie's doing that, the kids are home from school. But that's it, it doesn't stop for me though, you know. Everybody's darned gambling the Super Bowl's over.

For me, it's just another season. I actually looked at football as like amateur hour. You know, everybody drinks on New Year's. Everybody bets football. This is when the real guys come out. You know, basketball and baseball, so. College basketball was a big, big money in March for college basketball.

Big money. Yeah, yeah. Big fucking money in sports. I like my baseball, you know, that's really where I feel I'm at my best personally. You know, I had a pretty good, I started off horrible though. Honestly, September was just brutal.

I couldn't do anything right. And it sucked because I had so many new, fresh clientele, good players, big bankrolls. And I just couldn't win. And then I put together a nice win streak, but it was a little too late because I killed my, you know, my audience basically. But it is what it is, man.

Football, that was a game to watch. I wasn't overly excited. I'm kind of glad they stuck at the camp. I don't like those, the antics, you know. Score the fucking pucks down, give it to the camera, back to referee. Won't be pulling your shirt, kissing the biceps, I just don't get that.

I don't like it. Like I was telling you, for me, it was very, you know, man, I got, I left New Jersey in 83. When I got the fucking Denver, Elway was a rookie. Elway was a rookie. That's right, you were there. You were there, you were there. I mean, they're right there, right there, right there.

You know, we were talking about the last, and I don't know if you remember this. I think as a matter of fact, you were part of this. Marino was up at Pittsburgh, and we had that friend that would go up to Pittsburgh to visit our other friend that played for Pittsburgh, and they would bring Coke up there. And it became like a fucking weekly thing

during the Pittsburgh games, that this chick would go up there and bring Coke to the dude, and all of a sudden I'm watching this thing the other day, how nobody drafted Marino. Like they anticipated Marino would go higher, but they didn't because there was rumors. The rumors where he did blow.

As a matter of fact, when I was shooting the longest yard, he was there interviewing Sam for that HBO show inside the NFL. And fucking Romanosky walked up to me, he goes, Isaac, cocaine, bro. And they had to stop the cameras, and they had to do the whole fucking thing. That's a well-known, you know, it's a truth.

I mean- You know what? I worked out, the first guy I worked for in a business, well, second guy, local guy here went to Pittsburgh, played with Marino and all. So in the 90s, you know, in the off season and stuff, they were always around. Marino, that whole Pittsburgh class,

Hugh Green, Clint Jem, well, I forgot the other quarterback, Clint Jemmy, they had there, I think. Bobby Bacowski, Bill Moss, you know, another animal. So we saw those guys all day, what party animals? The guy I worked for, Dennis Atiyah, he was a nose guard there. So when he got his money, he was showing it off.

So we'd always fly the guys in, go to the casinos, and who was the other one? The big dude, the big guy played with the Cerebusa. Tony Cerebusa. How come people keep inviting me on LinkedIn? I don't want to be nobody's friend on LinkedIn. I don't know how many times I got to tell you. You're still inviting you on LinkedIn?

Still, I still, and people who like are important, like people who I met with. What's with LinkedIn? What is that? Who the fuck? Yeah, it's a website for people who think they're snooty. I don't want to be on Facebook no more. I'm a fucking, you know, I'm a BAA fucking stick sucker.

Oh, I just started using Facebook myself after years of fighting it. My wife was a zombie till it still is, but finally she got me into the thing of it. And it's pretty cool. Got to hook up with some old friends, you know, folk rock shows, people I haven't seen since Robert Ford, and so, but they spoke to me.

I just started about six months ago. I'm gonna tell you something about Facebook. I'll never do it. I'll never fucking do it. I don't need nobody to know where I live. Who the fuck? You know, in the first day I was on it, I got attacked by family.

We're asking me for money and I just closed it down by the way, I'm like, this is done, done. All right, he did find it me. So then I went back on, I'm having some fun with it though. You know, who's like the folk rock shows? I can go on and on, you know, so Facebook is a pain. Lonnie Selma, the Avillos are cool on there. Yeah, the Avillos.

Bartula Rich is cool on there. Lot of kids from high school are really fucking cool on there. They talk to the Garcia's, Kathy Moranz on there, Abes on there. I got the Groomy. I got Carlos. I got Mike, the Groomy's on there. Carlos Quintarosa, Louis Jerez, Louis Jerez.

Whenever I go to Miami, Louis Jerez comes to the shows and he's so fucking weird because they'll come over, give me a hug and leave. He won't ask me for tickets. He won't tell him he's coming. Nothing. When I first joined Facebook, I got off within a week because it was too real.

Everybody from North Bergen started popping up. But then it's not bad, but I will give you a piece of advice. Some of those people from North Bergen are gonna send you their number and tell them to call them. Don't call them. Don't call them then. I've always been invited, I've been invited already and I just, I stay to myself, bro.

Yeah, don't call them because it's 30 years ago. It's 30, I made some mistakes and called people and then they got my number and would torment me for a year after that. It was fucking brutal. Don't give me a number, DB. Do not give me a fucking number. I stay to myself, bro.

Besides you, I really haven't seen many of the guys. I saw you and traveled down to Miami and then Philly and whatever, but I haven't really seen many people. I went to a Jason Abramowitz's Super Bowl party the first year the Giants beat the Patriots. You know, I saw the victory over there, but you gotta rub it into poorly.

I was just talking that that game still, it still kills me. Oh, really? Yeah, you know what? I needed New England in that game, believe it or not. I was sitting in a house of Giants fans, but I stayed to myself. I got it good, man.

I got a simple life, man. I do well. I work hard. My office is down the block. My gym's around the corner. I don't go, I got the lesbian still. They're perfect. They drop shit.

It's just a perfect thing for me here. Definitely. But I'd like to see some. I'd like to have one bash. So I'm putting together in November at the Sands, my wife's 40th birthday party and I'm gonna throw her shingding. So I've already started blocking out some of the floors

and stuff like that. So hopefully by then I'll see some of the guys, but they're coming into my neighborhood though. I'm not going to go there. Let me know the date. I gotta go to Boston in November. So that's all I need for sure. No, but it should be 40.

She's been really a good woman to me. So I'm gonna throw a nice little thing for us. Never asked me for nothing. 16 years ago, I got a great wife. And I'm sure you can relate to it, you know? Supportive, my secretary, just everything. So I'm good, man. But I see some faces that I say,

you know, I'd like to hook up with them. You remember this time at the Midtown and you start laughing, because we had some fucking laughs. We, if not anything, we left our asses off. If I didn't laugh, I wouldn't be there. If I didn't laugh at that age, I would have been suicidal

when I was going through inside. So that's what kept me fucking alive, man. That's what kept me alive, you know? And just laughing at Joan Mary. Somebody sent me a picture of Joan, tell me how long away sent me a picture of Joan Mary. She sent it to me, I didn't even see it for like a week and a half.

And then he said, look at your text messages. I couldn't even find it. And I looked at like hidden fucking drafts and I saw Joan Mary's fucking Spanish bar. But I looked at the front of it and I looked at that window in front of Joan Mary's. And I remember how many nights during the week I would look out that window and think to myself,

how am I gonna make this change? How am I gonna stop drinking on a bar on Bergen Line Avenue? One of the best nights I had there was I had snow like two feet of snow and you couldn't get around. And I'm sitting there, nobody could get Coke because all the Coke dealers wouldn't, their cars were fucked up.

So we would just hang it. Here I am drinking those vodka drinks with eight ounces of vodka with Lila and they fuck you up. And I'm sitting at the window and I'm sitting there and it's a quarter to two. And all of a sudden I look and I see a guy. What's those skis, cross country skis, the ones with the dogs chase you

with their little tennis rackets? That's what this motherfucker had in North Bergen. And I looked at, and I'll never forget, I looked at Rago and Rago said, fuck this dude. And the dude was by the light already by the park. Rago was in hot pursuit of the guy. Rago tackled him and just started punching the guy. And then.

And then. And then. That's the thing, you could pitch it at no one, Darren. You just like visualizing because he was a mad man. Oh my God. Fuck, no. And he threw him into a snow drift and covered him with snow.

By the time we got there, cause we're like, where's Darren? We walked outside, he's calling the guy a fuck, fuck you. There's no cocaine. I'm gonna take it out on you. He beat him up and he ripped the flag from the VFW and put it on top of the guy in the snow. So we forget all about it. Guess what happens about 215?

Some Coke dealer walks into the Joe Marys. Everybody buys a package, everybody's power snorting. We start power snorting about 245. The place is surrounded with cops. And the guy is sitting in the backseat defrosting. I will never forget us war. And I had like a gram in my hand and the cop was one of Bobby Bendis friend.

So I said, fuck it. I went right up 10 before he threw me in the wall and I put the Coke in his hand and he passed me down. He told me to get the fuck out. And that's how I got myself out of that mix with Darren Rago out of Joe Marys. You know what was the classics? If you remember the Darren Rago and Kenny Edler fights,

it seemed like every other night they were fighting. One would win one night. The next night Kenny would get the best out of Darren. It was like, sure enough, a quarter to three. They're outside in front of the Midtown or Joe Marys. They were classic. One guy would note to you. They must have had a dozen of those things.

Very good. Very good fights. I can't believe that. You know, sometimes I play a comedy club and people call me up and they're like, hey, Cokes, do you mind if I bring my daughter and I'm like, listen, man, how old is your daughter? And they'll tell me 19.

I go, listen, I can't do it. And they can't believe it, Danny, because we were really 15 hanging out at Joe Marys. And nobody would ever think a word to ask us for an ID. I'm telling you right now, Lee, 15 and 16, sophomores in high school were leaving school and going to Joe Marys, how people act now. You know how people go to work for Happy Hour?

Ray Tabasco and Giuliano and all those guys, sophomore and junior year, would leave school and go to Joe Marys and shoot pool from three to six. They're after school program with Joe Marys, nature. And Joe Marys had this. No CCD, no. No CCD, they had a little circle. Remember Danny in the middle of the bar?

They had a little container that had ham and cheese sandwiches and it had a cover. And you would just take the ham and cheese sandwiches and have mugs of beer for 60 cents, 75 cents. How about the scoreboard? I don't remember the scoreboard. I was at Joe Marys. Yeah, that was on 76th Street.

That Lila, the little lesbian, not Lila, forgot her name. That's where we started. Me, Mikey, Phil, Pop, Bobby, Banta, Paris. That was all for a spot and we were like 15 there. Joe Marys, we did in the high school, definitely, but even in grade school, we were sneaking into that place. Eighth grade, we pretend that we just got off of a job. We were overalls, you know,

we just got done loading trucks. People wouldn't ask you for an ID in those days at all. Yeah, but. At all, at all, guys, at all. They must not have cared because you guys didn't care. There was no greater overalls. It doesn't look like you had a business. The drinking age was 18, though, for us. 18. So it wasn't that far.

So 15. We could be 18. Yeah, so it was 18. 16. You were in a fucking bar. I was at clubs in New York at 16. It was 18. I was in studio. No, not studio. I was like at like at CBGB's a couple of times. I went to fucking I went to see the police at some rock club. I went to a couple of bars at 16 in New York City,

as long as you had shoes on and a nice fucking shirt. They let you in. Yeah. Yeah, that was true. Hey, what was the place we used to go up into New York State right across 9W? I forgot the name of the bar. Nest. Boku's Nest, isn't that where Velo plays a lot?

I see him posting out a lot. I don't know if that bar is still there. It's something else. We used to go to a bar up there because Monday nights, they give you a fucking tub of beers for a dollar. Yeah, like eight Budweiser's and a bottle for a dollar and a tub. Who does that? That's a college bar. I miss those guys.

I miss it. I don't like today. I don't like the world today. I don't like all of the social media. I know it helps in a way, but it's all my kids. I haven't seen them since they got out of school Friday. Just on Xbox, iPads, just really, and they're only six and 11. It's like I'm scared for their future. So I like the old school guys, man.

If there was a place I can go to, no cell phones, no computers, just fucking TV, MTV and fucking, you know, I'm good. Take me back to the 80s, bro. Put me in a time capsule. So fucking phones with a long cord. So you could fucking heavy like a fucking army. Yeah, the phones in the kitchen, but you're talking in the bedroom. I found it.

I think it's in Alaska. It's not Alaska. It's next to like one of those big telescopes and anything will mess with it. So they can't have Wi-Fi and no cell phones. I saw that. I saw that. I saw that there was a tower against the law to do it. Yeah, they legally can't have Wi-Fi or cell phones.

Has to be dial up or you're plugged directly into your computer and they only have regular phones. And they went around and they and they asked some kids, like, is it hard for you not to have cell phones and they've just never had it. They're like, it's not that big of a town. We find everybody if we need them. And I just kept I was like, oh, I guess Joe should move to to better than Alaska.

It's not that. You know what, though? For us, we knew where to find each other. You know where Cocoa was, you know where I was with this guy. Yeah. If they weren't at one bar, they'd be at another where somebody's house getting ready to go out. We didn't have cell phones back in the early eighties.

A couple of drug dealers had like Joel, remember Joel? He had pagers. He had a pager that was collected to his car. So if you broke into his car, his pager would go off because I tried to break into that car a thousand times. Joel was the last coke dealer I beat in North Bergen because he was hip to me. He wouldn't give me an inch. At least you, you would go Cocoa.

You're not going to have $300 on Wednesday. If you want a gram, just take it and you give it to me. Joel would twist my fucking arm would bust my balls. I'll front it to you. But what time are you going to meet me? 11 o'clock and he'd be there 11 o'clock for his money. That was that was the last guy that was the last guy beat North Bergen. And I'm driving the Porsches.

He always had those. No, no, at this time he had like a VW that popular Volkswagen, the Soraco or something. And then had the back window you couldn't break into. And he would leave his coke. He would go into the city, but leave his coke in that car. And you don't know how many fucking times I wanted to break into that car. But his page would go off.

Oh, I remember Frank Monorella. And a shit out of him on fucking Connelly, not Connelly, Kennedy Boulevard down towards the two guys. You know, nobody too good about it. Yeah, what was that? But see us to see us. What was that down there by the McDonald's? By the German place, the German place.

It's just a part of the share. That's why I grew up right down the by. It's at Sears and Robach across the street, not anymore. Yeah, but anyway, there was a gas station right around. And me, Tommy Russo driving by one day. We just see Frank Monorella fucking more one, Joel. And we had some business going on with Joel. So we're in that, you know, saving his ass

and because he had something. Well, I forgot what it was. Yeah, he was always a target. I always liked him. You know, it's me. I didn't kind of want pretty good. He was always good by me, generous with me. Well, I was a guy.

I miss a lot of the guys, but just, you know, the memories are good. You know, I see that faces. I'm like, yeah, that was some good times. I have a piano reached out to me on on a private message saying he's doing good. I'll keep you posted. And that was the last time I heard of him. Like he came in under his girlfriend's account or something. If you moved to North Carolina or South Carolina, did you do anything about that?

Nothing, nothing. That's one guy I love to see. But I'll never see. I mean, it's, it's weird. I grew up with, I grew up with this piano. I grew up with this kid that me and Sab's are good friends with. And when we were 13, he had a little sister and his little sister had to be five or six and it was his, she was his favorite brother.

You know, she had two brothers and they lived two doors from me. They were called the specials and the kids. Yeah. Dominic and Dominic and I were good friends and he drowned on THC crystal and whatever. I used to remember Vita as a young girl on the block and stuff. And she used to hang out with Timmy, whose dogs used to eat boulders and shit. Fucking crazy. And one day I was on one of the radio shows and, and I got a call that somebody

wanted to talk to me. It was Vita. It was 15 years ago here. I was on like us and Vita goes, I'm living out in LA and I hate you on Tom like us and we hooked up as friends and she goes to my house and you know, she knows the baby and she talks to my wife on the phone and she's 40 some and she left here kind of unhappy because she had been here for 10 years. And I met a guy and then her dad was sick and she went back and the father died.

And guess what? She became an attorney again and she did a bunch of things. She called me Saturday night and she got engaged and I met the guy when I went home. And I'm really fucking happy. Like the block came to rest, you know, like we're all going to go to the wedding now and she wants mercy to be in the wedding party. And you know, this is old school Italian, so we'll be dancing, eating good. So I'm really excited that I'm going to have some peace down in lower North

Bergen and I wish Sabatino, yeah, I'm a given a terrorist guy, but Sabatino was Charles Court. You know, Sabatino was my brother. I'm really, I'm a little upset about with some North Bergen guys and Sabatino is one of them because out of all the people in North Bergen, nobody helped me more than Sabatino that Christmas when the Ligios threw me out and accused me of robbing them and all that shit. I stated, I got really sick from the flu and I woke up two days later.

And I was a Sabatino. I remember that 1983. Right. It was 84. 84. It was I remember waking up there like like Steven Seagal. One of those movies where he gets blown up and he wakes up and the Indians are taking care of him and shit.

That's the way I was. Sabatino's mom was making me soup and. Steve, listen, refuge. I have refuge in that house many times myself, especially when I was going through tough times in the late 80s. So it breaks my heart that he don't call me there myself. Yeah. I knew his mother.

I knew the father. I knew the sister. The mother was my lunch month lady growing up. She always gave me an extra peanut butter and jelly. She always gave me an extra bologna and cheese. You know, I know, I knew the Sabatino as well. So he got mad at me in 1993 because Vaniri had a party and I said that if the Robert Hoban was Danny was a cop and in front of Robert Hoban,

I said Sabatino, if the dogs were here, they'll die. Well, he called me a week later and he said that DPW trucks were falling around North Bergen because I made that joke at a North Bergen party and he got mad at me. So what am I going to do if he doesn't want to talk to me over a joke? Danny B, I'm going to call into your radio show next Thursday before I go to Las Vegas. So tell him the name of the radio show. I record Thursday. Right. Next Thursday.

Not this Thursday because I'm shooting Marin. But next week, the 18th, I'm doing Vegas. So on the 18th, tell them the radio show. Tell them the initials. Oh, you've got AM 570, LA Sports Declan. Now they changed it from, it's AM 570 in Los Angeles. It's on iHeart. It's also on Fox Sports in Phoenix and other places in the U.S.

But LA's been my bread and butter market every Saturday morning. Catch me at seven o'clock out there. And again, it's on iHeart. And I'm going to start my podcast up here shortly. You know, once I get my technical guy back to work. Remember Andy? My guy Andy. He hits me up from time to time.

He's a good dude, Andy. He hits me up from time to time. Andy's good. Andy's doing well now. Andy's a good kid. He got himself and he did good. He found a career in this photography thing. And you know, he's starting to make a name for himself around here, sir.

That was a good name. He's a really good kid, but he just couldn't do the podcast. And once he lost interest or, you know, I couldn't do it no more. So what I missed though, I was having trouble with it. But nothing beats the church, my friend. And it's always a pleasure to be on and leave, you know, left to get together one time. Never got a chance to meet you, but look forward to that.

Absolutely. I'm trying to get out west, man. You know, June's was trying to get me out to Vegas for timing. I don't think I'll make it. You know, the kids, it's tough. It's tough. It's tough. It's tough, brother.

It's tough. Yeah. Well, you know what? I got to do is I got to do the radio show. I got to be in the office on the weekends to feel the calls. It's tough, brother. Complaints and everything. Yeah. No, it's tough.

You know, it's. You piece into a fucking quad. I work my ass off though, mentally. But it's working, man. My kids are happy just like you. You're providing for your family. You're working your way. Nobody works harder than you.

Honestly, out of all the people I know, you're the man. You're out there fucking paying your dues. And I respect you for that. Hope and that's not easy to do what you do. You know, to be up there in front of people every weekend, you know, traveling, leaving your family. So, you know, I got to give you credit for that, pal. We'll be in touch.

I love you, cocksucker. Next Thursday, we're on the radio. Yeah, we'll keep in touch, man. Next Thursday, I love you. Always a pleasure, brother. Leave, take care. And Coco, I love you, man. Love you, brother.

Thanks for calling it. Take care, guys. Bye-bye. Let me give some shout outs here. Here are these Savages, PTRG810, Pedro. He always hits me up on Twitter. This kid, nice kid, Don Wrangler. Waterboxer making a nice picture of me today

with Charles Bronson and Steve McQueen. Dalton Tombs, Lauren Rosencar on Facebook. I love you to death. Jesse Wright is the man and Captain Motherfucking Jones. Don't forget, February 19th, my birthday, I'll be in Las Vegas at the South Point Casino. And February 24th, I'm doing a showcase for industry. And I need you savages, excuse me,

that was a little egg burp. I need you savages to come down to the comedy store. Wednesday night, the 24th, I'm doing a little show there with some people. And hopefully you guys can come out and support that. And that's it, that's what we're doing here. What else, cocksucker? What's up in your world?

Your dad's been here. How's that been? It's been a lot, it's been great. It's been a lot of fun having him. I did a couple periscopes with him. He's having a lot of fun. You got a more sick with that. Billy go food, eat.

Trying to blame it on probiotics. I'm telling you to stop eating tacos at their place. They got court serving lizards in 2000 something. Even the YMCA people tell you, they don't eat that. When you told me you were eating, I go, this fucking guy is attracted to bad food. That whole mall there, I wouldn't eat that whole mall. No whole diner, Greek place next to that Mexican place.

Do you see what's next to that place, that bodega? Yeah. Do you see what goes in there? No. Go in there and park when they can see what goes in there. What's in the bodega? Just see what the type of people that go into that bodega. And then tell me if you want to eat tacos over there.

Why does the bodega have to do with the tacos? Because it's all together. It's all connected. They get products from that bodega. Maybe they get spam or something. Who the fuck knows? I'm just telling you, that's a scary ad. You've given that shit food from day one.

You've been giving them shitty food. You threw them off. No, we went and got sushi. We got sushi. You got them sushi and stout. Everything else has been garbaji. That Mexican shit. You got them that Thai shit.

I think there's no Thai shit there. That cat-fink fucking dumpling shit from down there that you take the fuck out of here. He loves the dumplings. Right now, there's little kids looking for their cats somewhere in fucking Venice. And right now, those fucking Koreans are jumping up and down over there.

They got fucking, you know. I keep looking for them. They're still not a single stray cat. Nothing. I have to find one just to prove you wrong. Oh, no. There's no stray cats down there. I mean, it's a joke, but it's an honest fucking joke.

You know what I'm saying? And then he's coming kettlebells tomorrow. Is he? Yeah, he's going to do that. It's going to be, it's been fun. It's been a fun week. I got a fucking hell of a week this week. I got to shoot three days and then I got an audition.

Tuesday, I got an audition Wednesday for a fucking Spanish show, which I'm not going to go into. I still got to go to Jiu Jitsu to do two of these. You know, I want to space it out. But it's funny that you asked about lights and choking. Listen, man, it's not even about choking sometimes. It's just you're not being you. And guess what?

That's okay. Because if you were on fire all the time, you'd be Jesus. Right? Who's on fire all the time? Jesus, you cannot, that's okay. For years as a young comic, you know, as a, even when I went to, when I went back to see you and took those classes, when I would have a fucked up grade, oh my God,

it would be the end of the world for a guy like me. Because that's the last thing I want to do is not this. I didn't have anybody to disappoint with myself. When you go on stage or when, listen, 20 years ago, I couldn't kick that special how I did recently. It would make me angry. But I'm older and I'm wiser and I try to pass this on to you guys. A, never to put some out.

That's not good of you. Whether you're an artist or a painter or, you know, you're washing somebody's car, it's the little things. You know, and what I don't like about that special was the little things that didn't get done. Not the big things that looked good. Yeah, whatever, the lights, the stage, whatever, whatever. But there were little things on my end.

That are going to bother you. It's going to bother me. Right. And for the $5, I'd rather not have it out there. That's the way I was raised. You know, I went somewhere a couple of weeks ago and it's a new restaurant. And the guy bothered me and I went down there.

And it was a nice restaurant. The food was great. But guess what? There were three things that hadn't been done because he opened in a rush. And those three things are going to lose him customers. And if he had just done it. Yeah, we get impatient and we do things sometimes.

You know, you mow along. If I hire you to mow along, okay, I go mow along. And I come down, I pay and I see that around the water things. You didn't, I'll never hire you again because I know you don't have the eye to detail. That's what I'm looking for. You're looking for that. You ever go wash your car?

Yeah, absolutely. And the car looks great. And the car smells great. But you go in and the guy in the back, you remember between the seat and the middle. Oh, it kills me. Or under the seat, there's a little piece of paper. That little piece of paper made that whole car look bad.

But do you ever find yourself, because what you're saying is how you can have this attention to detail, but you can't hyper-focus on it? I'll find my, I've trained myself now. I'll tell myself to slow down. When things start going like that for me, I don't know what it is. My brain speeds up.

I start going a thousand miles a minute. And I'll have to like, if I keep going that way, I'll just run around in circles. So I've had to train myself to like calm down and like look at the small things. And then there's always a center place. Everything, every art, everything has a center place. And I didn't learn that more with life.

I'm tough. I tell you motherfuckers that you get to improve my standing. And here's one of those positions, retaining the guard. No matter how beat up you're getting, he's trying to get around you. You got to hold to his sleeve. You got to hold to his thing. But you retain your guard and you hold him again.

You're in center. That is your center position. That is the position that you're always going to go to. When you tell a market and you do outside sales, you have a script. Listen, you want to be a swami from Salami and read that script like a fucking robot. You're not going to sell dick.

So I understand your need to take it off the script, talk numbers, tell me how this is going to improve my business and how without living without this, it's going to kill me. All this, you have to tell me why you're in the boundaries of this script. Because you're not going to do your effectiveness. So do you see would stand up Thursday night, I went on stage and there were conservative audience.

They weren't going with me. They were giving me laughing and shutting down, giving me laughing and shutting down. I tell you at the 18 minute mark, I was panicking. I was there for the first time. It was a new city. Once I went to my center and started going back to the material, verbatim was when I got them back.

Do you really think that I want to do material verbatim? No, but that's the point where I was. I wasn't getting them going outside the box. Saturday first show, everything came together. I got them going outside the box and I got them with material verbatim. I slowed it down. We get excited.

A couple of weeks ago, I got a call at 9.30 and I, Hey, the Pittsburgh Comedy Festival, you know, and already I know it's a festival. So there's got to be a by the fucking way. Number two, it's Pittsburgh. I mean, what are we going to go and do up there? Watch the Steelers in September. So you understand the in my mind,

I rated the math because of the wisdom over the years. I didn't buy the plane ticket. If I would have let you, you would have bought the plane ticket that night. But we got to go. They invited us. I'm doing a seminar. You're not doing nothing.

You're not doing nothing until they make an offer. Right. Well, whoever makes an offer, these are the little things you learn over the years. How often does that happen? Is you, you, how often would you go to an audition? Right. And they say, Oh, we loved you.

You got it. You go home and tell everybody in the world that you got it. And then someone else books it or they cancel the thing. And you can get too excited. And you can't, you can't tell anybody until it's already happened. I saw Joy Filati at that. Yeah. Who I loved at that.

And Joey asked me in St. Louis, what happened with that dice thing? And I'm like, obviously I didn't get it. And he goes, well, I didn't understand. I go, listen, man, in my world, every day changes. And you take it for what it is. If you dwell in what you don't get, you won't dwell in what you are going to get.

You know, I'm sitting there last week, sending emails back, writing jokes with music on. Nobody's home. And I got an email from Mark Marin. Am I around the next week? That's how quick everything happens. We went back and forth within an hour. I was working on the show this week.

That's how quick I didn't have to audition to it for it. But this is for all the other jobs that I auditioned for. That I sweated out. That's how you have to look at things. That they brought you in for a call back and didn't hire you. You get it. You know, it's numbers. You're going to keep going in.

All you have to do is keep believing and eventually go call your number. You know, I'm going to go on audition tomorrow. I'm going to audition Wednesday. That's good, Lee, because now I'm getting numbers. If you go on two auditions, what are the chances? But if you go on three or four of them, you're in the game. Somebody's going to call you back.

Boom. And all of a sudden, Baba, you're going to read that one. They're going to call you five times. And then that audition two months ago, they're going to call you back because they weren't ready. At that point, they looked at everybody. And they're going to fucking call you back. You know, it's so weird how every fucking thing works, Lee.

Is it hard for you to prepare for four or five auditions in a week, though? Yes, it's hard. But I'm going to tell some of the people that's not just about it. Some guy came up to me and Charlotte. He's going to build us an album rack. Oh, cool. And he says that he gets his own work that he learned from the from the church. Any slick motherfucker that's in business today,

whether you're mowing lawns, you're selling pictures, you're painting houses, you're doing construction, any slick motherfucker knows that the more people you talk to them, the chances are higher of you getting a job. So if I'm coming over here to do an estimate for Lee in this office, I might as well knock on these four offices and see if they want the same thing done.

I know they're going to tell me no, but it doesn't matter. Because the more knows I go from, I'm going to get a fucking yes. Or I'm going to get a no from two years ago, who finally got that insurance check in the mail. But you have to keep going every fucking day. And that's what people don't understand that yesterday was yesterday. Man, I lost that account. Fuck three million dollars.

Could you imagine? Yeah, I could imagine. So guess what? If you had one up there, there's got to be another one. Go get it. Right. Go get your motherfucking paper. When I got Russell Athletics in 1991,

and I was a dumb fucking, coked up, beat up fucking comedian kid, I knew nothing about nothing. I knew how to sell myself a little bit. I knew nothing. And my friend Danny goes, listen, bro, there's a shirt that changes colors when you put it on. Really?

Yeah, there was a shirt that changed colors. Your heat changed the colors. Sort of like a mood ring or something. Like a mood ring. It was a mood ring on a t-shirt. Okay. I forget the name of the shirt. People probably still have.

And I discussed this on the Rogan podcast. So I'd say the shirt was like a purplish orange shirt, like a magenta. And you put it on. Your shoulder would be green. Your stomach would be bright orange because different heat in your body. But to make a long story short,

Danny came up to me and he goes, go to Russell Athletics and call him. So in those days, there was no computer. I didn't know how to fucking use computers. So he got me the number to Russell Athletics. And I called him after like four phone calls. The guy called me back. And I said, listen, I went to MayDNF last week,

which is like Macy's. Right. And I said, I went in there and this new line of clothing you have would look better if you put magenta and neon. And the guy goes, that is a great idea. Send me a, I don't know what they call them in those days and example. So I had Danny make up a thing

costing $22 a labor. And he sent it. The first order was 50 signs. Whoa. And they ordered 50 more signs and they ordered 50 more signs. And I was getting like 200 a sign. I mean, it was amazing to commission.

I got something crazy. But after that, I went through other companies like that because I thought I had the answer and I didn't get them. You know, I think there was one other one I got. And in those days, I used to carry it like a badge of honor what I didn't have. Meanwhile, I had gotten Russell Athletics on the phone. You know how many salesmen were creaming their pants

in those days to get Russell Athletics on the fucking phone? Yeah. And you just got it. And some fucking fat coked up. That was the fact that some spick ex-feline, I was just out of prison. Happily called them up. You know, Lube's the stutterer.

Has a story when he got out of college. He started selling insurance. And for a year, he didn't sell nothing. Can you imagine some kids stuttering his way selling? But one day he went somewhere and he goes on the way out. He just had a feeling. And he went into his lumberyard and he dropped off a package and they called him a week later.

And the lumberyard had 200 employees and he had the fucking jackpot because it's where he didn't think of dropping it in. Nothing happens for not trying. Yeah. It's like, you're talking about the gym. When you go to Jiu-Jitsu and you see a 400-pound guy in Jiu-Jitsu and he's doing hip escapes,

at the class, you better go up to that guy and give him a fucking hug. Hell yeah. And say, hey, and that's what makes that guy come back. That really, that little hug will go, fuck yeah, those guys are counting on me, man. So what? I suffer a little bit.

All that shit, you know, how away and Kubiak and him losing the two, they all paid off in the end. You know, every piece of work that we do fucking pays off, everything, you know. And I'm coming. A Saturday set early was just unbelievable. I caught myself in the middle going,

where's Lee with the tape recorded? We could have not sold this, but I would just put it up for free. It just, it was that good, you know. You don't know when it's gonna happen or you could keep doing this, keep working and making little notes and details. I started taping my sets a couple of weeks ago.

Just, I hate it. After three minutes, I press stop and then I erase the fucking thing. At least that's three more minutes than you used to listen to. But that's three more minutes, I listen to brother because I know in this new realm that we're at,

that people come to see me, Charlotte and St. Louis, I can't go up there and fuck around no more, you know. So what, what came together early show Saturday? Is it conscious or it's just the luck of the roll of the dice? No, every six months, man. The universe shows you the results of your hard work.

It really does. Just to show you what you can do. And then it takes it back and it pisses you off. Fuck Saturday's late show wasn't like the first one. But as long as you know, you could do it. It's like when you go over to Kettlebells now and you swing the fucking 71 pound on it,

the fucking big gorilla. You know, three months ago, Lee, you couldn't pick that up. Oh, I'm sure. I'm gonna tell you. Yeah. Five months ago, you would have called me the next day. And swing it 10 times.

And mad at me and said your back hurts. But you kept going. And the form, I remember the first week we picked that up. We both did it three times, remember? Like three or four times. Now we're doing it three sets of 10. That's okay for right now. That's all you need.

I'd rather do it good form than throw her back up and get hurt. But sometimes the universe shows you the results of your hard work. They really do. And for a moment in time, you see it. And then it takes it back just to make you work a little bit harder. And I love that. I fucking love that.

I love when I go to Jiu Jitsu and all of a sudden I hear the clock go off and I'm on my back and the guy hasn't done none. That means for five minutes, I held this guy. So what if I held him? What if I didn't go to Jiu Jitsu? Nothing would have happened. It doesn't frustrate you that it never seems like the work's over ever.

Like what you're just saying to me, it just sounds like obviously you want to keep getting better. But when you're thinking about it, you're like, okay, I'm gonna do all this fucking hard work and then I'll enjoy it at some point. But it just seems like it's never, even when you retire now, people aren't retiring. So it's hard to wrap your head on that.

That's never gonna end. When I was your age and I hate to sound like this, I always thought, and I see it in people today, I always thought that life was a one hit wonder. That's what I wanted. I wanted to do something like most Americans and rest their laurels on that. Just do one good thing and...

And goddamn it, that's not gonna work. It's like if I walked into this room right now with a fucking longest yard shirt on and said, this is what I did 12 fucking years ago, you're still on that fucking laurel. Your laurels change every fucking day. You gotta wake up and be a little better. My life came together when I realized that this was about hard work.

We don't want to imagine it. We think that good looking guy with the boat and the Corvette, he just got that. Every loser, like I did, thought that at 21, that to have a Corvette and nice hair and the white shirt and the chain, your father had to be rich. That's the shitty excuse I made myself

because I had no parents. So I made myself that excuse. The reason why he's successful was his father has a fruit store and he gives his job. I'll never have that. That's what I kept saying to myself. Real good excuse. I always had a great excuse.

Everybody always has a great fucking excuse. Fucking excuse. And boy, did I have a great excuse. The reason why Lee has what he has is because he has a mommy and a daddy. Since I don't have a mommy and a daddy, that gives me the right to rob people. That gives me the right to snuck out.

That gives me the right to act like a fucking savage. You know what I'm saying? That's how I, when I fucking realized at 28 or 29, when I got out of that hole, because no matter whether it was a country club or it was a hole, when I got out of there and I realized that, so you got your degree now. So what happens now?

That's fucking shitty, dog. That's shitty, because in high school, all they kept pushing about was your degree. And you told yourself some bumpfuck story on how you were, I'm gonna be a lawyer, but now you're fucking stupid words are becoming a goddamn reality. Yeah.

And boy, is it fucking scary, Jack. It's fucking scary, Lee. And it never ends? Because then you get a new job. Get a new job. And now you're building furniture. I can't, when you told me that story, I'm gonna hug you.

That's the only story I fucking feel bad for you. Really? How a child, how a young man goes to Emerson College, gets a degree in editing. Yeah. And editing basically comes out here, comes to work in Hollywood, and somebody makes you build a chair.

And you know what? I fucking hated her, but it's great. I hate what the fuck. I think about you all the time, and that's why I don't like you doing a lot of things around here. I rather do it myself, because I would never embarrass somebody. If I had a degree and somebody made me build lawn furniture or a table, I would die.

My pride. If I sank, how much is your education? This is not, this is not four years on a job. This is not like you going to me. Okay, Joey, before you could do the podcast, I want you to go to WKNZ and clean toilets, paint walls, go for coffee, take shit from the comedians. You know the job.

Right. You know the fucking job, Lee. We all know the fucking job. But there comes a day in your mind, you go, it doesn't matter, because this is going to end. In a year and a half, I won't have to do this. Oh shit, in six months, I won't have to do this. Oh shit, in two weeks, I won't have to do this.

So I can't imagine paying a hundred grand, going to Emerson College, coming out here, getting a job as an assistant editor. For somebody to say, yo, by the way, tomorrow you got to go to Kmart and pick up some tables and then come back and build and put patio furniture together. And it was nonstop.

And it was, that show had VHS tapes for the writers, for all the clips. And they kept them in the basement, in the worst storage facility underneath the parking garage. And when our system went down once, so me and three or four other interns and PAs or whatever it was, had to carry hundreds of VHS tapes upstairs, bookshelves, line them up against the wall,

put them all in order so the writers could get to do it. All this knowing that in three weeks, the system was going to be up. And it was going to, all that work was for nothing. And I hated, I hated my boss. I hated. And it's, it's like what you were talking about with Jiu-Jitsu and you used to dread going.

And I used to dread going into that job. But it's, and I, I don't know. I think it really helped me. I think it really, because when going, leaving high school, I was the top video guy in my high school. That's all I did was the video. You go to college and it's a little bit of a shock there

because then everyone in that college is the top video guy from their town. Right. But then you come here to LA and it's just, there's always, I think I spoke about it a couple of weeks ago. There was another PA lawsuit or intern lawsuit against someone saying they made people shit in their car. They worked 12 hour days.

That's, that's what you come here knowing you're going to have to. And that's what, when you say that some comedians leave, half of my Facebook feed now for people in LA are people who went home, who were assistant editors and went home and did all that stuff. And it's, I'm happy that I had those, I hated it. I hate, the worst one was blinds like these. She, the boss made me come out and close all of them

just in the office just because I was, I wasn't doing any. I, what I would do was, and this is what I tell everybody to do, I went to the head guy in the office and I just, I would just hang out with him. When I had any downtime, I would, I would just sit and watch and look, would look at what he was doing and asking questions. And then it's exactly what you were saying. He would, he was, he would have me edit.

Like during his lunch break, he wouldn't take a nap. So he'd, he'd have me do some editing and I was losing my mind. It was so happy and she would come in and do, oh, build this furniture. Oh, close these blinds and you're right. If I had just went out to LA and had, and because there are some kids who get this, who get their dream job right away, I don't think it would have been as good for me. It's fucking God.

Yeah, that those times used to kill me. It is, it's, they killed me and I didn't have a college education when I went to, you know, TGIS, I don't know if it was TGIS at the time. And I'm like, I want a job bartending. They're like, you have to come up through the system. You have to start as a, as a fucking cook, like an assistant cook. And I'm like, are you fucking crazy? And they gave me a menu and they wanted me to study it and take a test.

Right. And then what about like after you got passed at the store and then you're still getting people other clubs being like, oh, give us a tape or, or, oh, you have to feature. What are you talking about? I just headlined here. It's, it's always, there's always people who want to see when it came to that shit.

I always went for the work. You know what, I was a type of motherfucker that said, oh, you don't want to headline me. Good. I'm not ready. But let me, who's the headline that week? Let me come in there for that short money. I'm going to rock your fucking world.

And I would make it a point to fucking go up there and rock their fucking world. So even the headline, I was like, I'm not following this kind of. But that's a, that's a great point because that was the shock that I had. I had over that shock took me a year. I'm not going to lie to fucking know that shock took me a year of finding out that eight, your 30, you could steal the rest of your life and end up in jail or know this at whatever you decide to do. After five years, you're just getting started again.

And after 10 years, you're just getting started again. And after 15 years, getting started again, because no matter what you choose, okay, you're an electrician. After four years, you become a fucking journeyman. Okay. And then after four more years, somebody's going to hire you as a top journeyman to run all the crews to inspect the houses and shit, like to be the top guy. Then after 10, for five more years, somebody's going to hire you to be the general

manager of a shop and you got to prove yourself all over again. Do you understand me? There's levels of your job that if, you know, you always have to keep rising to the occasion. And at each level, I would always feel nerd. Like I should, oh, I want to go back to that old job, right? Where you're safe. Well, yeah, you got no responsibility. Right.

Yeah. You're all scared of responsibility. So I brought in one. No, I wanted like everybody else in America. I wanted 40,000 a week. You know, I wanted you to teach me and I wanted to work eight to five. That's what I wanted to do. You know what?

Make it eight to four. What an hour lunch. Yeah. An hour lunch. That's what I wanted. But once you realize the cold realization that you never fucking stop and you don't want to, if you're 24 right now and you're 34 and you're listening to this or you're 44, the best thing about this conversation is that you notice that just to keep you interested.

What if you just had a job that you put the cover on Mustard? Yeah. To that. An assembly line. Oh my God. It doesn't get no better than that. You know what you might do after 10 years? They might make you pack the mustard in a box.

And that's it. Until you're 65, you work at the mustard plant. Not a bad job. Insurance. You're not going to jail. You pay your taxes. You have a nice family. You can raise your family on it.

But see the differences? Like you have no, no, no. You're not challenging yourself. I couldn't imagine a life without challenging yourself every fucking week. Once a month. Something that's what makes you know you could go there. But you only know that at the end of it. Like if that's a hard part.

Oh please. I'm not this five, six years ago. Well, when I decided to get into comedy in 1994, when I really put my heart into it, I said, this is what needs to be done. I was 31 years old. I was three years of puttin' around. I was 31 years old when life hit me in the face. When I knew that if I went for this, I got to go for this.

Like there ain't no turning back. Like at least give me a job. I could probably get a job at the sports betting and work six months a year and stay here and raise my daughter. And stay with a little apartment. And I don't know my drug situation. I don't have any value in my life at this point. Or I could really fucking challenge myself and go for the stand-up.

Lee, it's a mental once you know. And it happens to people every day all over the world when they come to the realization that this is it. And this is as good as it's gonna get unless I decide. Unless you decide to put the work in? Because maybe I have a job as a production assistant for you. But guess what? After a year and a half, you're sick of this shit.

That fucking dude that sits over there, you're way better than him. But you gotta convince Joey Diaz that you're way better than him. So guess what? He wants me in there at seven. I'm goin' in there at six thirty. Every time he flubs his fucking line, I'm gonna pick it up. I'm gonna do this. And someday I'm gonna take his fucking job.

And Lee, once you just think that, once you think that inside, and you put that out, and you're frustrated and you start doing that, one day you're gonna come in and go, do you hear what happened to Bill? No. He put his two weeks in. And I gotta go to Europe, Lee, for two weeks on tour. It looks like you got the job, Lee.

We'll hire somebody when I get back. Well, guess what? You're gonna do those two weeks. You're gonna be the best Lee you've ever been. You're gonna make me money. I'm gonna come back and you're gonna go, guess what? Somebody came in and I got him for $3,000 to go.

Because you want that job. And that's what Americans have forgotten. That's how you get that job. And you have to... By stepping up to the pump. And you have to step up earlier. Like if you had waited until that two weeks, then it's too late. You gotta make up.

It all works on you. But what happened? It all happened in your mind first. You said yourself, you know what? I saw fucking Bill's paycheck. Oh, that's always the worst one. This is the one I was just paychecking. I saw Bill's paycheck.

No, he's a fucking moron. It's over. And I got two options to go somewhere else and start from scratch. Because now I know what the outcome is. And now I know what I need to do. I'm better than Bill. I'm way better than Bill. Way better than Bill.

I could do this job on my fucking head standing up. Fuck Bill. Right, yeah. And all of a sudden, Bill will come in one day and give us two weeks work. His wife has to go back to Chicago. And there you are. You know what?

I gotta go here. Lee, I don't know. We'll talk about it when I get back, Lee. Just book the guests and I'll come back. I come back. This place is running good. It smells good. I ain't gonna hire Bill.

You're gonna make your case first. Yeah, absolutely. You gotta say, listen, I want this job. And I know Bill was making $4,000 a month. Give me $35 to start. Just put it to me. And I guarantee I'll fucking run this thing like Warner Brothers. Better than Bill.

And you know what happened to Bill? Bill got stagnant. Yep. Bill didn't get challenged anymore. There was no challenge. He put a ceiling over his income himself, not me. He was content with that. That's what happened.

You're content with that. That's what I never wanted. That's what I learned in Colorado up there early. That people had gone up there to ski when they were 24 for a year. And all of a sudden, they were 40 and they were still working as managers somewhere. And time just fucking, time is a motherfuckerly.

Time and comfort and- Time goes by fucking fast, my friend. Really fucking fast. Real quick, motherfucker. Zero to 100. Here you go. Zero to 100. What do you got over there, Lee?

I have ring and I have club W. All right. This is a nice podcast. They had a nice time with you. It's been a long time since we did a morning one. Yeah, oh my god. You got nice and baked. I could tell by looking at your fucking face.

You have to get baked. That was nice. I like this new office. I like smoking in here. I like being in here. This is a nice feeling, man. It's better than the other place. I'm more comfortable.

Oh, yeah. I'm more a fucking home. You know what I'm saying? What do you got there, Lee? For Uncle Joey. So yeah, that was interesting yesterday. And that was, I just wanted to talk about my fucking experience with the Super Bowl.

Absolutely. Absolutely. I never watched football and I don't know. But you know, you fucking know. To go to a Super Bowl, you need defense. And just to wrap up what we were just talking about, that's when I really saw it yesterday because I didn't have a dog in the fight in the Super Bowl.

And I was just watching it. And I was just sitting there like, I had to take a couple of stars because the game was a little bit boring. I was like, wait, this is what he's talking about. To then like, who cares what happens with the game? It doesn't really matter. Like it took me, I had to see it

because when I'm watching the Patriots game, I want the Patriots to get excited. You're watching it from objective. You have some mistakes. I was watching this game. I was like, wait, why am I sitting here for this? It was a long four hours. And I could, I could finally continue talking about yeah.

Half time was horrific. You know, the music people were pissed online. I went online for something else. And that's because I woke up, went and saw the game and then Mercy was asleep. So I had an hour to send emails back. You know, somebody hit me up for dates on something. So I had like 10 emails to send out

and I had to finish some paperwork. I wanted to plan out my week and see how I was going to do it. You know, with the three days of work. I didn't know how I was going to adjust my week. So I was trying to plan it all out. And then I was on Facebook and I saw the fucking thing is horrible. And then I ran out there and caught three minutes of it. And it was horrific.

It was horrific. I came back and they were flashing back to Michael Jordan for a second for no reason. And I said, fuck it, it's just bad. But then I would go and then Mercy woke up and we ate dinner and I would go out there every 10, 15 minutes and see the score. And then Mercy wanted to go in the bedroom and jump on the bed. So I finally came out and they were 24, 6 or 24, 7.

I knew and that's when, you know, I was putting it all together in my head about what had happened. But listen, man, football is entertainment. And like I said, for years, I watched Thursday, three hours, Saturday, two hours, Sunday, six hours and Monday, two hours. That's 20 hours a fucking week of football from September to November. I ain't mad at nobody for doing that.

That's your prerogative. But you got to ask yourself what else that I'd be doing a little bit. You have to sacrifice some of it. You know, maybe I'll work Saturday and tape it. That's all I say. I don't like football. I'm not like that.

I just know this time I'm sitting there and I'll tell myself, wait a second, I got work. Yeah. I got fucking work, Jack. I can't be fucking sitting here like Zombo watching some fucking football game. Especially in the middle of the season. Yeah, I can be watching something else.

Anyway, I had a good time today. I'm happy we did it at nine in the morning. It brings out a different fucking side of Uncle Joey. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, we've all been there. You come home after a long exhausting day of work and all you want to do is sip on a glass of wine and just fucking relax.

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