Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #357 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: February 18, 2016

 Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Headspace: Go to headspace.com/joey to start your free trial today Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   Naturebox.com - Go to Naturebox.com/joey for 50% off of your first box.   Recorded live on 02/17/2016.
  

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What the fuck Lisa yeah My man Wednesday night February 17th happy birthday to my little brother Ralphie man I don't know how old he is today a lot of fucking birthdays in February my friend John bud yesterday You know it never ends in fucking February Friday is my birthday My dad's birthday's your dad's birthday was today or yesterday That's the 18th the 18th. I fucking wished him a happy birthday today fucking. I was a day early in the dollar short What are you gonna do? But at least I wished him a happy birthday. Oh, hello, and we're headed to Las Vegas

I'm so excited. I'm shooting over tomorrow. You're shooting over Friday morning. I'm doing MMA junkie as usual Get a couple shrimp cocktails with my man Lisa. Yeah, Lisa. Yeah, you don't eat the oysters. No, I I should try them again. I guess Choke on last time the shrimp cocktail. You choked on some cocktail. Remember the shrimp at the fucking Table with oh, yeah. Oh fuck. They choked on the fucking the shell. Oh, yeah, I don't like that fucking take the shells off I take the shell off. No, no, no, I'm on my thing. No, it was my phone. No, I'm saying I want the restaurant to do it Really shells Except for maybe the one little one at the bottom that would it was I bit into the bottom, you know me. I'm a gorilla

I was with my finger. I was eyes fuck And I took some of the shell and I started choking on the shot. I tried to move the shell around with my throat But I couldn't do it. It was like a fucking piranha that that that's snaking me, you know, uh I wasn't a car today. I was getting home from somewhere And the phone rang and it was a friend of mine James to ask me a question It was funny. He started talking to me about my daughter And on paper James is mercy's god dad Why was we met and you met him and and

uh I was really fortunate when when when it was time for me to pick a god dad. I had a couple options, you know Uh, I could have picked him. I could have picked george. I could have picked you About And I just knew James a long time James had a daughter and in my world if something happened James automatically takes mercy, you know, that's in my world. That's in a perfect fucking world When do you think about like godparents because when she first comes out you must be so happy happy happy Godparents is kind of you know when the baby's fucking born, you know when the when you knock somebody up

You know, if you're a guy like me, you'll think about godparents Okay, because my godparents or everything so James calls and James sends stuff for her birthday and James sends stuff throughout the year and that's all great You know, I mean, I'm really happy that he calls and sometimes I go Say hello to James and she goes hi James and she'll go hi padrino Or she'll walk away and that's the end of the conversation. I'm beside that. She really doesn't know What it all means, you know, but mercy is now

Three my daughter is three and by this time in my life my dad was gone So My mom at an early age Well, she baptized I mean they baptized me when I was like You know, whatever this four months old in cuba Is that early? No, that's about the time we baptized mercy six months old whatever the fuck it was we baptized they baptized me in cuba

And then they all migrated together they were all americans already they had been in the states already And when I was born they came to cuba for vacation and I had a godmother But somewhere over the years my godfather and my godmother broke up And it was one of those dirty divorces with no kids But my godfather got me It was the weirdest thing and since he lived in new york And my godmother lived in miami. I really didn't have that much contact with my godmother. What had happened was My mother was so loyal to gabby. That was my godfather's name gabby gabby lump

Right. She was so loyal to him that You know, when when there's a divorce you have to pick a side A lot of people don't know that So yeah, you they took The god and parents and the divorce That's cool. So you gotta get a new godmother. No, no, no, no, no when they got divorced Right, my mom was tighter. My mom and dad have grown up with gabby right so they hung out with gabby So they kind of steered away

From my godmother. Okay, you follow me. So and that was that I didn't really have a godmother after that But in the summers when I would go to miami I would see my godmother she'd sneak over and give me money And give me jewelry and hang out with me. She was fucking beautiful I forget what her name was like Samantha Or something she was blonde head blue white Cuban woman And my mom said her and I were really tight Like it was it was a heartbreaking thing for everybody

Involved but my mom had to make a choice. Your parents got divorced I'm sure that your dad's friends went with your dad Yeah, mom's friends went your mom's that's what happens during the divorce. Of course Same thing happened with this. So I was tighter with my godfather Because he lived in new york city So the privilege that I had was that he would pick me up on saturday mornings And we'd do creepy things Like we'd go get a haircut

And then he'd stop but like some weird guys house And then we'd fucking go get a hot dog And then we'd talk about cars or something and he'd buy me like a hot wheels And then we'd go to a movie theater and we'd watch like a james bond movie Or like the love bug or you know Some fucking not disney, but the other ones snoopy You know, he took me through a few animated films, you know And he was just a cool dude and he'd bring me back like at six

And he'd take me to eat chinese food And then as I got older he would smoke in front of me We yeah, he would smoke weed in front of me and I would and I would see a man That was the first person I ever saw giggle Like he would just constantly giggle like when he got hot We would go like he would roll on like a street corner And we'd smoke he'd smoke it on the street and he would tell me not to tell my mother But I already knew about that shit because my mother smoked something that was similar to that

You follow me? So I kind of put two into together. That's how I knew my mother was smoking pot But my mother's reaction to reefer my mother smoked reefer to go to bed Gabby smoked reefer For the same reasons I smoked reefer today To giggle to to have a great time to just add color to life And then him and I would go to the movies, you know what I'm saying? So by the time I got to be like seven

Or eight he took me to see a fucking Clint Eastwood movie He took me to see one of those dirty harry movies, right? Okay And maybe I was a little old maybe I was 10. What the fuck knows I was a fucking kid, you know And after the movie he's telling me about his gun He's telling me all about Clint Eastwood's gun Dirty harry's got a three or 44 mac whatever the fuck gun he had in the movie And then we're sitting there and we go to eat something And right away he takes the gun out from under the table

And I see him doing something and I look under the table and he hands me the gun And here I am a kid in some fucking restaurant new york city Holding a gun in a restaurant. This is how cool he was Whoa, I wasn't allowed to my heart just stopped and I'm 27. I wasn't allowed to tell my mother none of this shit He would say don't say nothing until your mother because she'll kill me and then I won't be able to see you on saturdays I couldn't imagine my life on saturdays without gabby On saturdays at my house. It was a weird day because By saturday my mother was dead tired. So saturday mornings

It was already established that this lady came over a lady whose name was so fear In fact, her name was so fear cecilia That was the lady who my mother took her name and used her as an alias And then paid her money all those years. She was Go Ying's mother this lady who my mom was going Go Ying was Was a Puerto Rican woman. That's not a person's name Go Ying that was a name that was just you know, that was a slang name go yin

Was a Puerto Rican woman who heard my mom had like a little bank and like the 60s book making bank two bruds and They they took numbers and they knew how to take numbers And they were people knew who the fuck these two women were And then go yin kept a bank close to her house in brooklyn And my mom kept her bank in the Bronx and then it moved to manhattan over the years So that's uh, that's a true story. So on saturdays It was well known that at eight in the morning the key would turn

And it was fucking so fear and I'd be sitting in front of the television I'd be a young kid maybe three or four and so fear would walk in and give me cereal with milk And then she talked to me in spanish For a little while for like an hour or two And while she was doing that she was doing laundry and ironing clothes and folding clothes and cleaning the house My mom would be passed the fuck out And then about 11 I would hear I would about 10 I already knew to jump in the shower on my own

I would jump in there and this I was a young boy I would jump in the shower and get calmed up and I put a chain on and a ring And nice shoes and about 11 o'clock it never failed. My godfather would come and get me And if it was the winter time we put a fucking hooded sweatshirt on or a jacket If it was the summertime we just went out and we would just do weird things It was like the only man I really had in my life One time he took me down to uh, it's a riverside drive there like by 89th 90th street. There's like a tomb there washington's whatever or lincoln's something

There's some statue there and I'll never forget that a dude was walking his dogs And he had the one leash the dogs off the leash And the one dog came over and just snipped me and how fucking gobbledon went off on the fucking guy And I always thought he was on a superhero too because he was a Because until then I didn't know I didn't even know what he was and I didn't know whether he was a stone I didn't know none of those terms. I knew during the week. He had a job. That's why I saw him on saturdays Do you follow me like during the week? I'd never see him. He had like some type of job So I just see him on saturdays

We're always really excited to see him. Fuck yeah What I had I had two male uncles who were or cousins who were older And like whenever they came over we were It was just like superheroes almost was like was it like that or like I Because you didn't have a you you didn't have a father. So I can imagine it would be even more Yeah, I loved him. I fucking loved him. I you know when he would take me on those Journeys around manhattan and shit and he never drank in front of me. He just smoked pot in front of me Like I never saw him really drank till I got older

Like he always just smoked like a skinny joint in front of me. He rolled his joints really skinny and he would go He'd make like a noise You know And he'd hold it in for a long time and he'd go ho sintonio. He always called me ho sintonio, right? I don't know. It was the fucking weirdest relationship like I think back To I was always with him in new york

even after Juan married my mother Every saturday like clockwork and my and if I was a bad boy my punishment was not to see gabby Was it the worst thing that you wanted to do? Yeah, that was like taking my privileges From seeing my godfather were fucking brutal brutal And then I got older and I would still see him and then we moved to jersey And I didn't see him for a while and he'd call me

I always talked to him and he always like mailed me letters with pictures and shit And I couldn't figure out and then years later. I found out he was doing time Like he was doing time for a little shit in miami. He would go to miami in the summers and then come to new york in the fucking winters and uh I you know and and this is where i'm going with this that I wish mercy had a godparent That I could just go take her on saturdays or take her on sundays have a good day Buy and you know, they go get ice cream. She goes gets her nails done They go to the fucking movies. They go buy dresses

Whatever the fuck they go do I would I would love to have that Like I think that mercy would like it too. You know what i'm saying? That's what that's what it is to have a godparent That's why the commitment Is so heavy I was fortunate because my godfather did not have children To your family So he had a lot of love to give he had a lot of love for me and he didn't have his hands filled with another child

Do you want mercy to have a godmother or godfather? I like for one of them to be well. Well james is active James talks to her, you know when we went to new york james came to see her once and then we all went out to eat You know james these people you know the people I grew listen now. There's two types of culture of people There's the people in california that I have around me now and there's the people that I grew up with you know When I went home just the people I came to see her And came and chatted with her and said, you know, I know your dad or whatever the fuck, you know

It makes me feel good, you know that I have somebody if something happens to me, you know, like it just And the people that I grew up around their culture calls for a godparent Like james for example, he's tight with his godmother I don't know if he's tight with his godfather, but he's tight with his godmother his godmother And his mother was sisters They were together when james's mother died Jesus so Do you understand me that I wonder why it's not that big for jews?

Maybe it's something but it's not for it hasn't been for my family. Well, okay now Let's say you're jewish Let's say whatever the fuck you are just because you're not catholic doesn't mean that Your parents don't have godparents. Oh, I have a godparent, but we we didn't have like a ongoing He's just an also an uncle. He's an uncle who is my godparent No, I always dreamed to be somebody's godparent But if I was their godparent, I'd be their godparent on one condition that I'd be involved the calls

Uh bank account with me putting money in there for their savings for their college That's a godparent. Yeah every week I show up, you know when the kids fucking 12 The parents look at me and go take them to get his dick sucked You know what I'm saying? Like I got to take them to some alley and get his dick sucked Like you know like they expect a godfather to do shit like that like You know if I'm your kid's godchild, right when you're 13, you're gonna come to me to pull me a sangle. Listen The fucking mom paula She protects this kid take him down the north hollywood park and get him into a beat

It's easier if I'm not there. Just call me make sure you don't get What's that putting it out there already? I'm just saying I'm just saying that that's what that's what a godparent A cool godparent does you told me you're signing on this and Take him down to get a beat. Fuck the goddaughter before I knock the fuck out of her She's taking some fucking black dude. I can't have that at my house My mother will disown me. I'm out of the will. You know what I'm saying like something I'm not meaning a black. I mean anything anything to be a fucking arabian Who's fucking better than you lisa? Anyway, I'm just fucking saying that that's

What you also do like when I got in trouble as a child my godparent would have to come over and give me a fucking election So it wasn't bad enough. I had to get a beat from my mom and he had beaten from my stepdad Now in an hour gabby was on his way here to ask me if I was fucking retarded Like what what are you stupid throw a fucking, you know like shit like that Which one was the worst? Which one did you hate the most? I mean it doesn't have to be gabby put Gabby was the one that is one of the reasons I'm the way I am with people because gabby was a type of guy That he would show up Day two of the punish

And usually the punishments were fucking 24 hours of writing like I will not Lie to my mother. I will not take my mother's pencils I will not uh, and I would have to write them in spanish and english, you know like uh Lines shit like that And he would come like day three and he would go to my parents, you know my mom and daddy go Can I talk to him for a second on the bedroom? And they'd have to do the whole acting game and go. Oh, yeah, but You better know that uh, whatever time he spends in there

He's gonna have to stay past his bedtime to fucking write, you know shit like that And I would go in there and he would sit me down and ask me what the fuck was up with me Why did I do what I do your mother told you not to take the fucking pencils when I was a kid I took every pencil at that fucking bar the red ones. I loved red pencils So I took every red pencil I took every pencil And she would ask me did you take the pencils because I keep thinking it's one of the pages And I could say no one day she found like 300 pencils and she went ape shit I asked you a thousand times if you took the fucking pencils

She goes I need these pencils these are specific fucking pencils So I got in trouble for the pencils that's just like lying or like why would you do that? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She was mad at me about the pencils. Well, yeah, like why didn't you When you're fucking seven who the fuck knows why you do what you do why What a fucking knows one time I took one of those 45, you know those albums. Yeah And I would take the bad ones and I throw them out my window and they go And one day I actually clocked somebody in the fucking head Of course you did and the cops knocked on every door and my mom knew I did it

She because she had seen me fucking do it You know, she saw me do it. My window was perpendicular to a driveway where all the kids played stickball Me too. I'd played out there. It was in jersey or new york. It's just new york city In 205 west aviation not anymore. Yes, there is there's a parking in there now But when I was a kid that wasn't a parking that was just an empty driveway of a building And that was just broken like there was bricks out there and one time behind behind there's another building back to the Yeah, the stairs a little fire back there one time Was it was at least a good shot when you hit the guy in the head with the with the record

Do they like you really get him good? Oh my god at that time I was I was the best at throwing shit out windows and just people in heads I just imagine you hit him like straight across the middle of the face One time I was in Puerto Rico On vacation I had to be maybe eight or nine And I threw a fucking ice cube off the balcony like the fifth floor or something, right? And Austin they knocked on all the whole time rooms and they knew it was us

And the fucking cops came and shit they had to take the dude to the hospital Yeah, me and re and Tony Crespo That was the kid's name Tony Crespo, Puerto Rican kid. His mom was dating a big black dude named Anthony Like six for six 400 pounds and don't forget this shit though Anyway back to my god. What do you gotta fucking throw me off? Who knows so you did have a godfather Yeah Now that this guy had to do something different in the jewish religion

I don't think so He doesn't have to stand somewhere and take a class on how to be a godfather or not that shit Not that I know of but I could just not know that's a possibility But I mean he's a good uncle like he's him and my dad are really like best friends still Yeah, pretty close. Yeah. Now. Who's the uncle that lives here? You said you have a cousin in Sherman Oaks that he works in the film industry. Oh, that's him. That's my cousin on my mom's side And he came out here I didn't know in the jewish faith you had somebody who stood in with you. I don't even know from the christian faith

I know in the catholic faith People have Baptisms and that's great. That's one of the sacraments. Okay, but do people live the life of it? No, not the way, you know, I come from a fucked up Kind of childhood and upbringing But that was something that they stuck to to the tape You know, he stuck to to the tape and I can't like I said he lived in miami for a while

During the late 70s and he would call He would always call Koki Hosantoni You know, he asked me about my grades And he was always trying to push this military academy on me He was always pushing this loyal uh from what age He started pushing on me on the age of 10 like when I was going to catholic school. He was already talking to me about it I think that's a good idea if you go through the school

And then from there you go into the service and then you come out and you come out of the office and you go back into the service And you do 20 years and you come out on an attorney That was his dream for me. All right, that's what he was always talking to me about So, you understand You go to the gym You go to the army You go to school You go to the army

And you go out And don't say Yeah, he would always push that issue. I don't know. Wow. You're a lawyer He would always talk to me about that shit Lee And I would ask him why a lawyer and he goes because they're fucking the best thieves in the world They find you tell me y'all You know when I paid my fucking lawyer and he kept pushing on me And then something happened. I don't know what the fuck happened when I was about 13

Not that him and I got into a beef or something something happened He got pissed off at me about something Like he found out I was smoking weed or he He saw boo something And he just didn't like it, you know, and he didn't talk to me for a while And my mom said my mom came to me when they she goes he's just pissed at you about something I don't know that's between you and him He wouldn't tell me that's the type of duty was he wouldn't complain to my mom

He was fucking solid man like that. Like if he was mad at me, he was mad at me When we when he dropped me off Saturday, he would give me a hug and tell me he loved me And he wouldn't say nothing to my mom whatever beef we had or if I misbehave He was straight up man. This is where I get, you know, like sometimes I say something You don't know where I'm coming from I say it to you because that's how he used to talk to me sometimes like I think a lot about him Like he would like everything else in his world was bullshit. Listen to me I don't give a fuck what you tell them. I know you're telling me this is what I was going to be and he told me that go

You're right, man I mean, it's not always like the Sweetest most nice is comfortable work environment, but it's It's better man. It's better than thinking memos and and At least you tell me what you want That's it's I can work with that

There's so many people who don't know what they want to do There's so many people who are fucking geniuses That's the problem Especially in this part of the country especially in this fucking city Where they're geniuses and they really don't have a grip on it. So they make you do As you and I have discussed I'm not a big smoke and mirrors type of motherfucker You and I have discussed this a thousand times Well, if you think a lot about all a lot of people are starting one of these things up

It's always they try to dazzle you I was always very against that. I'm always I go right back to the song remains the same Let's zapp on the concert film. There was no You know, a fucking stages. There was no outfit changes. There was no background singers. There was four dirty white dudes That's all I ever wanted to be is a dirty fucking white dude. That's it Plain and fucking simple. So there's not going to be neon over anything I do I'm not I'm not saying that you like smoke and mirrors. I'm saying that this is what saves you time and energy Well, I'm not into smoking mirrors

You're not but the problem with people here and I'm one of those people I just realized is everyone here has titles that don't mean anything. No, they don't mean dick It's but it's not even that it's not it. They're not important, but it's like producer producer means let me tell you something Eight thousand different things. I might get on my hands and knees and lick your fucking juice act Because I gotta tell you something On the drive home yesterday. Did I not call you? When I got in the car on the way home from marin Yeah, and I came with a conclusion and you're not gonna believe this. You're gonna smack me in the mouth and tell you

I'm lying to you. I came to a conclusion that there's not a day that I don't go by that I'll meet a producer Yeah, and they always throw in last So do you understand me people? It's like let's say Let's say it's always like So what do you do? Oh I own my own Business. I'm an engineer And I'm a plumber

What are you doing? What are you doing playing the organ over there? So is it like do you feel it's like that like people say to you instead of saying like Oh, what do you do? I'm an actor right? You have a make producer No, yeah In the 20 fucking six years But I've been hanging out with these fucking google boots. I have never called myself a fucking producer I think that is the weirdest word

You are not me. I don't know nothing about fucking but I don't nothing first of all you are a producer, but second of all You you were talking about uh, uh, you were talking about the shows that actors now have uh to get producer credits to make money Right. So now All these people are doing Independent projects. So they just put it's it's when I was a College film student. I put produced by Lisa. I didn't do I didn't I just I put all those stuff I saw in the movies. I saw okay. I wrote it. I directed I edited I I produced I didn't produce nothing. I just did the project

So I think people just use that word for an actress producer. Yeah, no So anyway back so but you you you have a job comedian, right? I'm a comedian. I don't know about producing I don't know What the fuck people are talking about and there's not that's the reality show Because you follow me with a secret camera And how long will it take for somebody to tell me they were a producer? So people have to bed at home like how long will this chick with the sunglasses and the tattoo of a pigeon on her arm? Tell joey she's up

30 seconds or less you get $500 And I have to go up to the broad start talking to her And there's somewhere along the line. She's like bang, you know, I'm a producer All of a sudden fucking bells go off and she's like, what's going on? What's going on? That could be a funny game show like Hollywood buzzwords. Oh my god, and I guarantee once a day For a hundred miles a day somebody will tell me they were fucking producer Every time I go to the comedy store, so I'm here to do some cells And they always drop producer at the end and I always giggle

And they giggle and I giggle just a little bit who introduces themselves with their own job title Everybody in LA Hi, my name is tata tata tata I saw you two weeks ago at the whatever I enjoyed it I'm a writer and a producer another director They'll tell you three or four titles

I don't even have it. I don't even can sit. I don't even know what the fuck I am. I'm just a mook I'm just a mook the mook that hangs out with another fucking june. Is that your title and your corporation head mook head mook And you're the fucking part of the head mook the mook the assistant to the assistant mook Fucking amazing. Everybody's a fucking producer. I can't it just destroys my insights. I don't even know where to start So like I was telling you before fuck oh As I got to be a little older Something happened. He got mad at me but then like about

Four or five months before my mom passed he popped up And him and I straightened it out and we were tied again We went to see a movie together in the city. We used to always go get a steak At this place he used to take me to get a nice steak with mashed potatoes You'd like to split they split gravy on the steak. I fucking hate gravy. This place was perfect I forget where it was or what the name it was Then my mother died And then he went to the funeral. He was around for all that

He was around for thanksgiving like I met him like the day before And then he was around for christmas and he told me he was going to miami And we spoke on the phone a few times And then something happened, you know, like like I said out of sight out of mind Like I just didn't see him Just out of the blue to stop seeing him Just down fucking Sam I lost contact with him phone numbers

Whatever he'd call me. I wasn't home And just something happened over the fucking years I lost contact with him I asked around and people said he was in miami or something Excuse me. I guarantee he was doing time or something and he was just embarrassed to tell me And I guess at the prison. He was at when you call you have to call collect Oh So I I didn't really uh, sorry about the bottle Were you upset or did where you just do all the care?

You know we At that point when I didn't see him for a while It wasn't that I was upset It was that uh I didn't really have family at this point. I had Zahraida. Okay And I loved Zahraida, you know, she she was a fucking champion But you know, I was at war with one You know, I was at war with myself dad

Over the house no insurance blah blah blah blah blah, you know, and this goes on and on and I fucking uh I just needed him in a way. I don't know what it was I was fucked up on drugs, you know, I was living with the runnies. I I robbed that jewelry store. I left I came back You know that I went to Colorado and I come back from Colorado And when I went back to New York In 83 somebody had mentioned to me Hey, man, you know, who's looking for you your cocoa, right?

Antonio. Yeah, your godfather's back in town And they said he lives somewhere in north bergen He just put the word out. Oh, yeah, I live in north bergen. I'm like, hold on A friend of his that I knew was a friend of his Came up to me at a restaurant. He's like, he's been looking for you. He's back out here and he's looking for you lives in north bergen blah blah blah You know, man, I don't know. I I must have made calls and I couldn't get a hold of him. My life went on, you know I was just a kid trying to put the pieces together

And I went to Colorado and I came back And I just my life went fucking sourly Like summer of 84 my life goes fucking sour. I'm a young kid I'm not living in the rocket ship yet. I'm a few months away from the fucking rocket ship, you know And here's this I'm hanging out I had already done a ton of damage And right now I'm just walking around with my nose wide open

I'm living from hand to mouth. Who the fuck am I kidding? What do you mean a ton of damage? I had just done a ton of damage to my relationships my friends myself You know, I was at this point I wasn't really talking to Zorida. I was like I'm one three. I'm not talking to Zorida Uh, I was homeless at this point. I was just staying in people's basements and a couch here a couch there My whole

life's existence Was just to fucking get high Like to waking up meet my friends and party and then giggling and fucking being a jerk off Don't get me wrong. It wasn't just about that. It was about we just I just didn't want to work. I just want everybody wanted to be a big shot Cocaine was everywhere, you know You could sell it people confronted to you There was just so many different opportunities to make money, you know And I'm on the fucking I went from freaking being a killer

To nothing Lee. I'm just walking around the streets Trying to turn 20 bucks into fucking a hundred so I could get high And drink and be a big shot at the bar with a bunch of jerk off so I'll never see you again You lost it all because of co I lost it all because of me. I lost it all it was just uh It was just fucking crazy. It was me And everybody around me. Do you know what I'm saying? Like that's a

I was talking to a friend Of mine. He was told me about his youth out here, but I had never known about a friend of mine from jerseys an actor I met him on I did a movie with him. Then we did a commercial together and we always speak on the phone When there's auditions coming up for both of us And we were talking about he was telling me about his condition When he was a young guy that he was getting high with this fucking hollywood actor and uh He was doing coke three nights a week and he started hearing fucking birds and shit

and he had to go to rehab and just the fact That you're that age and doing that shit and he was telling me he goes I think about it every fucking day because The shit that goes on in my life today that goes back to that that was the On a scale of one to ten On the low point being zero

I was at four at this point in my life um Just my life. I was living in somebody's house I didn't have a job. I would work for three days to get a paycheck and and then par. I was a fucking kid You know, I didn't know what was going on And and this october I had already done damage in california I had done damage in new york A couple drug dealers looking for me in jersey

I'm just walking the streets by a fucking shoelace. I have no dream lee I mean i'm 21 fucking years old I got not one dream How do you think you're gonna live? I have no fucking idea by selling drugs And trying to be a fucking professional thief I don't fucking know lee. I had that was it. That's my option At that time in my life at that particular time in my life

That fucking day there was nothing There was nothing. There was no fucking hope There was no hope. I had three pair of pants Seven t-shirts a pair of shorts maybe four pair of socks All pair one pair of sneakers. They were all purpose. I just put windex on them and clean them off So they look like they were clean but they were filthy and they smelled horrible inside because I'd sleep in them and shit outside and People's houses. I wouldn't take them off so my feet wouldn't stink. It was terrible. Were you stressed about it or did you not care? Yeah, I was stressed about it parts of me was stressed about it. I didn't know when or how it was gonna end

I was looking for an end I was looking for an end and one day to your life Excuse me and end to your life. No an end to this life I was looking for something. I needed a little help. All I needed was a fucking boost To push me over the fucking top And one day i'm walking in west New York and who do I see? Bobo my godfather Now granted the night before I get into a fist fight over money

And my jacket got ripped. I'm walking around with a ripped jacket What does that tell you? You know how much money I just look like a mess if you saw me you're like I saw my godfather. He gave me a big hug. I cried, you know, I was very emotional. I hadn't seen him This was my fucking savior Lee Holy shit This dude is gonna fucking save me right now. It's all over but the shot I'm gonna fucking

Live with him. I'm gonna he's gonna get lend me his car I'm gonna get money from him and everything is gonna be fine or He's gonna get money from my godfather from my father I'm gonna talk him into going over there and getting 50 000 from one So he took me to lunch. He took me to his place leshinges and bought me his jacket And uh You know, I would meet him for lunch for a few days and just talked to him and I asked him Can I live with you?

Start a new life and he's like that's not gonna happen. Why not? He had gotten married He had met a woman and he was renting a house and blah blah blah blah blah And for those first couple weeks it was funny. He held me at arm's length Which really hurt my feelings, you know at this point I had been fucking traumatized By what? Boy traumatized by I'd gone to Miami and uh This was a house like rubbing

And all of a sudden they acted like they didn't trust me Like when I was a kid they'd leave purses out and stuff All of a sudden everything was behind locked doors and I had to ring the bell and you know And even though they loved me and let me live there and the whole thing everything was completely different There was a couple things that Stood out and then one day they accused me of something and I was done which I knew I knew was gonna happen today I still talk to them now. I talked to my cousin. I talked to uh The daughter on facebook the sister the one sister we go back and forth two or three times a year

But we're not not that we're not tight. She just uh, that was my daughter. That was my mother's goddaughter That was my mother's goddaughter jackal. That's why I named my first daughter jackal So but why aren't you guys close? I don't it was because what went down in miami in 84 right before I saw gabby That was bad for everybody like everybody's feelings got hurt My feelings got hurt. I said a few things I shouldn't have and then It was all over my relationship with them was pretty much over. I talked to them Maybe six years later and it was after the hurricane

In miami and they said that they had lost everything and I hung up and I never spoke to them again I was very embarrassed and I called a few times and the number had changed and then uh I got a hold of them a couple years ago on facebook and they came to see me at the improv and we chit chatted and uh Recently I I I hit my cousin up But he had been the motorcycle accident or something and he didn't show up and now we talked on facebook And we called each other from time to time. So we're cool now

But before and then before that I was out here and I got into the beef of my uncle So I had just had like three situations That I was fucked up over you know what I'm saying because they were family Why am I going to war with people that I love people who I grew up around? Now I see my godfuck And I'm thinking fuck. I'm home free. Well, that's not the fucking case He's he's loving me. He's meeting me for lunch and he's giving me 50 bucks a day and He's smoking pot with me, but

He's not letting me into his his home. He's not This is what I want. This is what I wanted at this time I wanted him to take me in and let me get a clean start and let me clean my life together And he was like no and I was like I need fucking money. He's like no I don't have it to give you he goes, but if you want to sell some fucking blow Like I was gonna ask you if he if you were clean, what do you have done it for you? But I guess well when I went when I I was I was pulling the scam on him too I didn't want him to know I was doing blow

Like to that side of the family. I wasn't letting them know Like there was no fucking way I was gonna tell him I was doing powder I did everything in my power when I was around him not to do powder or be on it from the night before Like if I called him and he go meet me at one o'clock I wouldn't really stay out all night I would clean up and eat breakfast and do a bunch of shit So I had an alcohol on my breath So when I met him I could tell him I got a good night's sleep. You understand me?

So I always covered my fucking ends So it took him a while for him to say to me one day. Hey These people you hang out with none of them do cocaine And I'm like, I don't know I gotta ask around so I was playing him. Do you follow me? I didn't grab it right away. I said, let me ask around for a few days now. I knew I had my hook on him I already knew I had my hook on him now I just needed if I knew he was watching me If I went back like a fucking Godzilla, he wasn't gonna give me shit

But if I went in took a couple days, that's exactly what I did. It took a couple days and he asked me one day at lunch Can you move some shit and I go, you know what I asked around There's some dudes that'll take like what what's Two of those three and a half things I was playing like I knew nothing And he told me how much it was dirt cheap to me I could make money and I didn't make money. I would just buy it and snort it And then bring him the cash Do you think he was giving you a deal or was he trying to dip you or like was he trying to

Get it over on someone who didn't know anything. No, no, no, he wasn't giving me no He he took really good care. He was giving it to me at cost In those days he was giving me Like let's say in those days in april on the city was 250 He was charging me 300 for an acre for a quarter Which is two eight balls. So instead of paying 250 for one I was paying 150 and buying two of them So I could make money and over fist if I threw and it was great coke

It was nice and fucking hard right from the chunk So I could throw a fucking two grams on to get nine Take one out have eight eight times fucking A hundred is eight hundred dollars minus three I make five hundred dollars on each batch and I snort a fucking eight a gram Oh, no, that wasn't good enough for me I would snort the whole fucking thing and be a big shot and then have to show up fucking three hundred dollars the next day So I would sell three grams

for 250 And then come up with $50 myself and get a quarter So I would give them three and I would keep the rest for a fucking 25 hours I would do kinky shit like that. I was a flea I was a fucking mess my friend I was a fucking mess And I kept working it and working it and working it And I worked it for a few months. I worked it very slowly and patiently

Like a surgeon because I was working a few people at the same time I mean people talk about jobs stability. Like you weren't nervous at all like having no stable income whatsoever I didn't need income. I knew I could crash at somebody's house A hotel room was 1999 for the night If if I needed sleep I get a hotel room for three nights Take showers watch tv refuel

Get a cup of Cuban sandwiches some Chinese food Have lubes bring me some spaghetti with meatballs Bam there I was Thursday night ready with his white shoes on shined Ready to snort coke do quailers and tell lies Fuck yeah, Lee Like you guys to me ain't excited thinking about living like that We're looking back on it. What do you think? What do you think of looking at yourself? It was terrible

It was totally fucking horrendous That year if I could take a few years out of my life That was one year I would have taken out of my life But on the other hand I learned so much I learned so much from that year. I learned what it was to I think in every man's life There comes a time when That was the first time in my life the blinders had been

I don't know taken off or put on No Yeah, that was the first time I saw the world That was the first time Lee up to that point. I thought I knew the world But that was the first time I saw the world. I saw the other side of the world You know when I came out here to live out here my uncle and he was like Ah You know and when I went to Miami all I wanted at that point in my life was a second chance

And I couldn't fucking get it and every time I started to get it. I blow it I blow it on purpose two weeks in three weeks and I blow it You know, I got an apartment. I had a job in jersey Nice little apartment. I blew it. I quit my job started getting high. I flooded the bathroom You know, it was just one One thing after the fucking other I blew it And then I started robbing July of 84. I start fucking robbing Lee and I'm talking about whoever whatever

drug dealers pot dealers pill dealers People had money in their house people. I knew people. I didn't know If I suspected Gita singing house, I was in your fucking house Playing and fucking simple There was a few people I loved that I wouldn't even consider But everybody else was fucking in danger Like I was a fucking cancer. Like I was really a straight up canceling to the people around me and my neighbor to myself

It was weird if I had a hint at least I had sold drugs I was in your house a week and a half after I found out you sold drugs Except if your grandmother lived there Like, you know, there's always a backstory like don't break in there because the grandmother's always there She lives in the apartment with them like that shit like that that you're like, uh, fuck You know, but for the most part If you had your apartment empty, I would figure out a way to go in there Even if I had locks on all the doors in the windows

Because I'd wait for a slow time and kick the fucking doors down I was a kicker. I kicked your fucking door down. I loved it Or bathroom window type of guy or window type whatever. How am I getting to your house? I figured out a way to get into the house. There was a lot of places I couldn't get into. Don't get me wrong There's a lot of places that just aren't right, but there's a lot of places that I could get into just like fucking You know, it was just doing it Remember it's just doing it. You don't know how many times I was doing shit and people walked right past me Right under me and I was climbing a wall or you know, you'd be fucking surprised

Oblivious to robbing people one oblivious. They don't even see you climbing or You know kicking a door down. You don't know how many times I just kicked the door down went in As long as I knew where I was going And I had two minutes. I'm good. If I went in there not knowing Then we had a fucking problem Were you wearing a mask? Was I what wearing a mask? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I had my little Abe Lincoln mask Fuck no, I was in there like me like a fucking No nonsense type of jerk off that I was

Can you imagine that all Lisa? Yeah I'm so fucking embarrassed You didn't try to hide your idea. That's why you got caught. Well, no, no, no, it wasn't no No, no, no in those days. There was no cameras, Lisa. Yeah, no, no, really nobody had cameras at home Nobody had computers The only time you would get caught is if you robbed a liquor store you robbed a bank or If you did shit like that, but people's homes. Do you think a drug dealer had cameras in 1983? I don't know. No. No, there was no cameras. There was cameras

But the drug dealers I robbed weren't sophisticated enough to put a camera on the door There was people listen like when you travel and buy drugs, let's say You came to Miami from Boston to buy drugs. Okay, correct. Right. Okay. So you would come on the plane with your wife Okay, and you'd bring missus. I at grandma Your mother Okay, and then you bring your fucking goofy brother and his wife. Okay. All right. Okay So say you go to Miami you meet joey dears You give him cash

He gives you blow Right, okay. He gives you let's say 10 kilos You have to take it back to Boston Your brother's your partner You know, you put the coke Where your mother's room Under her bed But you don't really have contact with your mother in that hotel

This is the weirdest fucking thing. This is how people do it. They don't even know they're involved. Do they really? If in the 80s and 70s, that's how people Move drugs you you took your family with you made it look like a fucking family vacation But there's always somebody who stays in the room 24 fucking hours a day You see I'm saying so nobody could come in your room That's a lot of What was it? What do you do if you don't have a mother and a brother combo? Well, then you just hire people to dress up with fucking wigs and you will you wing it lea? I don't fucking know

It's a lot of work to be successful deep Or whatever. Yeah, when people came from let's say when somebody came from Miami to New Jersey to sell drugs They checked into the holiday and right there for route 3 in north bergen and by seek office, right? Right and they had them came in like they came in as a couple And then you'd have the mom and then you'd have fucking two henchmen The drugs weren't with the henchmen there with the mom because the mom wouldn't leave the fucking room So once they sold the drug even the cash stayed with the mom Because the mom ain't leaving the fucking room. She gets she's she watches novellas all day

And she fucking orders room service. You understand what I'm trying to say to you So nobody's gonna kick in the fucking door there, but wouldn't a hotel and if the cops come in The two dudes are on their own and this guy's on their own if you play correctly The real pros will put it in a different hotel. This is back in the fucking I'm talking to late 70s early 80s. I don't even know what we're talking about this shit. What's your question cocksucker? um Fuck you don't even know and I had it Look at the shape of you. Oh, oh this is it. I would have thought that

Selling drugs at the hotel would be a bad place because we're not selling them at the drug No, you know, you don't sound nothing at the hotel. That's who you stash them on the move So where you oh on the move So you come from let's say a lot of people a lot of people said fucking Lee, you know what I'll bring them to you But this is what you're gonna pay me That's dangerous shit bringing drugs to somebody and I always scared the fuck out of me Taking a plane with coke. That means I got to pay you a premium. You got to pay me a premium Instead of a kilo being 18. Now you got to pay me 21

Because I brought it to fucking Boston You come down to Miami and pick up between 18 You're following me. Are you with me on here? Right? So when they travel with it, you don't the dealer doesn't want to be in the same location with it A real dealer won't even put it in his hotel He doesn't even bring the heat to his hotel He puts in a hotel a mile down the block With some fucking old lady who looks like she's 90 That doesn't do dick and they just drop it off with her and when they paint to pick up with the cash

They put the cash with her until they fly down south And she always has her eyes on that fucking bag. You dig There's a lot of trust to having that old lady. Well, if she's your fucking mother or your sister There's trust cock suckers not like the old ladies and they get up in the middle of the night And fucking, you know, where's she gonna go? She's 80. You know what I'm saying? Where's she gonna take your money to? Vegas a fucking Vegas. What's she gonna do in Vegas play slot machines get it together? Yeah, the $15 slot. Look at the doctor

But Here's my godfather. Here. I am vulnerable as shit And I got my godfather. I fucking got him Lee I Set him up perfectly I started working him like the beginning of october And I loved him Lee. I gotta tell you something man For me to tell this shit tonight. I thought about it since like two o'clock since the phone call went down with my buddy

Because there's times I miss him like uh When we first started the podcast was about second chances You know, I'm gonna be 53 on friday And I wish I could apologize to him I've tried to look him up on you know, the social media outlets and shit and the googles but Went on the street. He retired to Key West with the wife and They bought a little house. You know what the sick thing about this Lee?

That this even wasn't over the money. This wasn't over the drug addiction This is over my anger from Because I wanted him to be my white knight my knight in the shining armor if anybody was gonna come through From my all my experiences with him I thought he always is gonna come through when I saw him on that street Lee I thought all my problems were over I thought I didn't even have to ask Do you know what I am? I thought he would take a look at me and he knew me so well. He'd say

Get in the car We're going to My house We're gonna wash up and get your job and Get your car and we're gonna get you on your feet. That's what I thought he was gonna say to me In turn, he didn't say any of those things He didn't say he wasn't gonna help me But he wasn't

You know I'm saying Like until he started bringing up the coke and we started having little chats and like I said I didn't attack him right away for the coke I milked him little by little and then I would make a bigger purchase little by little And I got him, uh, I think the relationships I I'm getting my dates fucked up The relationship with me and him started like in september And it took me about eight weeks to get him. I got him halloween weekend And that's when our little war started And it's funny because I saw

Not only was I sad like when I first bumped him off I took the coke from him and didn't pay him the money I was look at the shape of you. I was really sad But then his behavior after that I was so fucked up and I was living in such denial Knock on my earphone sound fucking weird. I was living in such denial my earphone sound weird Boy, what do they sound like like nothing like nothing's going on. You gotta put it louder Or you gotta do fucking something here. You're killing me here. Now you gotta take it off. Look at me

He's fixing shit Check check check check There you go Man that's as high as it goes. I mean that's good. Come on sounds better. Okay, so I was just hurt by his reaction Before I took his money and his coke and didn't pay him his fucking reaction Really kicked my central nervous system into overdrive Because I thought he was just gonna let it go and go. You know what man? I get it. He's angry

In a year or two who come around pay me my money And we'll fucking write this off. I fucked him over all those years. Maybe he needed me fuck. No He came after me super hard Lee I mean thanks to fucking hard gangster hard Chase me went to my fucking places of work Went to my places of hangout went to where I ate I mean it was non stop Lee for about three weeks And you can never catch up with him

No, and I disappeared I disappeared in January of 85 He was looking for me All the way up to like december of 84 He was looking for me maybe till about Thanksgiving That's when he was looking for me to I heard it from different people

My friends his uncle had a bar in Union City and he fucking called me one and he's like hey, man, my uncle called me I said there's a dude Who goes to bars and ask about you? Do you know who the fucking dude is like a white hair? Yeah, that's him Gabby He was relentless. He was going all little different dive bars He'd have a couple drinks And he dropped my fucking name, man But he never figured out that I was in Bergen County

He looked for me in Hudson County would look for me in Hoboken and Union City and get different bars in west New York And he would do at that time there wasn't too many bars in north bergen that you know So he would went into a couple bars north bergen once or twice and that was it People north bergen said they didn't know who the fuck I was or anything It's surprising that not one person that one of the bars would have known where you were Nobody knew where I was at that time When I disappeared in those days, there was maybe one maybe two people

Who knew that where the fuck I was 85? Why why would you have it that way that's how you have it when you disappear How many people are you gonna fucking tell when you're gonna tell the whole village? I'm leaving to the Crestgill You don't say nothing to know about it. Right. In fact, they didn't really know I'm just keeping touch with them I didn't really tell him where I was at couldn't mouth They were my friends they wanted to know but they didn't need to know

The only guy who always knew where I was at was loose Yeah Why did you pick him? Just because he deserved to know he always wanted to know like roger and Timmy they kind of knew but didn't know glenn kind of knew Thank you Allergies are full fucking swing lately the last two or three days That's the way

There you go salute, baby. I ain't fucking around I Oh shit I'm telling you my allergies on fucking fire It was just scary like you chase me That's fucking the first day through these rose bushes by our lady of fatima But I had fucking torn bushes everywhere. I was ripped up

Then he showed up at a fucking restaurant here in the city And he came in then he goes I want to talk to you out in the front What do you say? I said, I'll be right out there and he waited out in the front in his car and I went out the back door Walked three blocks and he said walk three blocks. I saw his car and there was a bus and I just jumped on the bus And I saw him go instead of getting behind the bus. He went that way looking for me. So I lost him that time I didn't see him for a while And I walked into a bar where I used to hang out and the lady called me over

And she said this week and last week some guy came with me looking for you Came out a few drinks And then said he was family and he hadn't seen you since your mom died Spanish note So he was looking for me, bro Were you avoiding him? Were you actually no, no, I was looking for him. I wanted him to find me You know, I just knocked him over for fucking four ounces of blow five ounces of blow Yeah, I was sitting there with my camouflage. What is it like to have someone looking? I'm not looking for me horrible

horrendous horrendous We're nervous every time like the door doesn't look good or not Well, the bars I went to october november and december You had 20 people deep I had 20 people deep. He wasn't going to go in there and rip me out of it Do you follow me? I knew the only thing he had on me was if I got in the car kind of fucked up And he'd get in the car and follow me

And you always had a watch for that and I always had my eye out for that Anybody who got behind this or something him on a motorcycle. No, no, I'm lying. I didn't even know about the motorcycle at that point He showed up on the motorcycle the day I was leaving So I didn't see him From december of 1984 I didn't see him. I was living in fort lee I was living in creskill hide not up there in burglane county. I was living in

Tenec or tenefly. I always forget which one I got arrested in one of those motherfuckers In tenefly for possession of stolen fucking property or some shit And then I didn't see him And do you know that the day I was leaving for fucking Boulder I saw him on a motorcycle And he pulled up to me on the motorcycle and he said to me he knows you never came by with that money I'm fucking heartbroken

He goes the next time I see him I'm gonna put a bullet in your fucking leg and he just took off on his motorcycle I was I should have break But it was like so ironic that he said that to me the last Day I was in new jersey Like I remember getting on that fucking plane going That was fucked up. I don't see somebody for six months And the day I'm fucking leaving

I bump into this fucking schlep At a white castle parking lot and he's on a motorcycle Was he on the motorcycle to follow you or he just He was just taking a morning sunday drive. I mean he really was and there I was waiting for a fucking bus. Excuse me How did that out Lee, you know I'm saying a lot of people's fucking I'm sorry. I just got bad allergies this fucking floor El Nino and this rain and shit whatever the fuck it is That's the last and I gotta tell you something when he spoke to me. I cried a little bit Like I cried on the bus

I fucked him over because you felt bad about what you did. Absolutely I'm not proud of no point about what I did at that point right there. I was disgusted with myself How did you justify it? It wasn't the money with me and him I had broken his fucking heart. I was his godson christ sakes If I would have knocked on his door and given him a few grand And said hey man, let me give you a few hundred every few weeks Me and him would have been cool now I've tried looking for him. I've tried just to apologize and send him a check something

I can't find him. I didn't I don't want him to go to his grave hating me He's got to be 80 now 70, but he was always in good shape. He didn't drink He didn't smoke cigarettes. He fucking smoked weed And he was when I when I did that with the cope with him If I was 21, he was 50 maybe or something maybe 40 something. Oh, so he's at least 80 now He's almost 80 now. I would love to give him a hug and tell him i'm sorry and I fucked up what I did to you It was horrifying horrifying That's not even the type of person I am

At that point in my life, that's what I had to do that. I I felt so fucking angry and so I felt like he had thrown like out of all the people in the world I never thought that he would have thrown me to the wolves like after my mom died Maybe a year or two he would have showed up in a car one day and said listen, you're with me I got a house you take the downstairs. We're gonna get a fruit business or something like that That was like one of my dreams to have a business with him. That's how much I loved and trusted this motherfucker But when he shattered my fucking vision And okay, so not even that at least put me in your basement

Let me get my life started And I get uh, I'm laughing because lee Is fucked up ladies and gentlemen 600 milligrams I did too. You gotta eat one more. I did 800. You saw he threw that one in the garbage I Just uh, in a way, I feel it's a punishment to my daughter not to have a good father a good godfather now like somebody local You know like that's that's

It was just a weird feeling for me as a child to have that Even that my mom trusted he never did anything bad to me. I mean he was always a gentleman He always made me have a good time like you know when somebody goes out of the way if you'd have a good time Well, especially at the movies is a young kid. It's such a fun place. You let them get a popcorn Like he would take me to r-rated movies. Yeah, you know, like he took me to the velachi papers when I was a kid He took me to uh Stuff mom won't take you to No, my mom didn't give a fuck either

But it was weird how he made a big deal about like listen today I'm gonna take you through a movie and it shows women's titties Can you handle that and I sit down like I don't even know what titties are Like I what the fuck are you talking about? I knew what titties were. I was just playing him So he felt good that he took me to see a tit. Do you follow me? I'm feeling it. So he would talk to me like that. We're gonna go down there and we take the train Even though he had a badass car He'd park it and we'd walk a little bit and we take the fucking train

So on the walk to the movie theater, he could always talk a little bit And then we'd go eat and he'd smoke on the way to talk there. He lit his joints with matches And he hit his roaches behind the matchbook Fucking craziness. I still remember this shit I miss him. That's it. I miss him and I'm sorry that I fucked him over And I wish I would have had a second chance to just uh Justify what I had done. Like I said, it wasn't about the money in his world It wasn't about the money with me. I feel terrible now. Maybe somebody out there will know

Well, what about your uncle any any update on that situation now Jim Hoyt, Tony Jack the Bear Mance Pat Shea, Eddie Brancaccio, my childhood friend Stefan Peterson, Cam 1, James Harrison and the squid room podcast representing As motherfucking usual cocksuckers No, it was very sad This is the shit I think around around my birthday You know

I think about how lucky I am. I mean, uh, I talked to J. Mo Schmidt Yesterday a childhood friend of mine that one time I dropped barbells on top of him Because a ball of sweat fell off my nose right into his mouth tremendous while he was bench pressing And he was like, I'm going to your show Friday night, you know I'm calling it Thursday and all this shit and he's like, how old are you? I'm 53 Because if I was fucking in that basement, I would have given you five more fucking years. It's true 50 fucking three. How old were you in the basement? 18

19 little weights in the summer 100% 100 100 degrees 100% motherfucking humidity, Lisa. I had Sweat and just for walking, you know, I'm saying that thick fat sweat. I wasn't even fat that I was thin as fuck. I was eating tuna out of a can I wanted to fucking cut weight like Mike Menster. I wanted to be a bodybuilder I just had no fucking biceps At least say that you're fucked up tonight getting ready for Las Vegas How much cash you bring and dupe me up a little bit? Well, I'm what you're cutting. How much you're taking out from the mattress Um, maybe like 200

Stop lean. Come on. Start from scratch. How much make believe it. We'll edit that piece out 200 I mean 10,000 Take the fucking coins. How many coins you got left? We're really going to the coin collection. What happened to it? I do have a dollar coin from the from the hotel that I can't find I'm pissed about Well, I thought you have like some coin collection. You want to take the Vegas next time but the farm Take it to one of those pawn shop guys and get you kept

30 30 cents on the dollar You have a good time in Vegas. That's why I love Vegas Nobody makes me happy than watching him even after he loses Because he has a smile on his face, but it's a stupid look on his face at the smile If he wins 10 dollars You'll never see anybody happy in this fucking guy. All he needs to win is 12 22 Lawrence our friend Larry fucking gave him some winners. You had I he wouldn't shut the fuck up about it for three fucking days I like winning money. He's awesome

I only play wheel of fortune. I put a 20 in there and once the fucking 20 runs out. I'm done Yeah, but then when I was about to sit down that other girls sat down and won 300 bucks on those on those games Yeah, I know don't fucking remind me cocksucker I also uh Was gonna be your fucking quick-champ charlie and you fucking lost my investment you walk away during a heater How could you walk shut the fuck up, bitch? You would have kissed at that that you were worse than a Kardashian What's going on, man? I just uh I was really sad this morning

The last couple days I've been the weird mood since monday Because you're gonna have a birthday. You think about what the fuck you did and what the fuck you didn't do I was thinking about what my godfather says Sometimes I get into conversations with lia about midnight about his girlfriend About her attorney and we start picking her career. We get so All right We start talking about how we're gonna make her a weed attorney And how she's gonna move to Portland and run a firm and shit. It's all bullshit, but it's so weird how

Because of gabby like that bothered me like that was the other thing that bothered me That he used to always tell me I should have gone into the service and became an attorney If that bothers me today in a way that hasn't become an attorney There's nothing I can do now. I got shit going on. I'm gonna have to go back to law school. What this says That'd be a great documentary. Oh god My head would blow up if I had to read with paula reeds You can't get high I'm sure you couldn't. No

No Listen, we're doing school I'm half retarded. My comprehension level is already fucking gone There was days in the marriage set that every fucking scene There was one line that twisted me up But I could not fucking say Like that's how old i'm getting to something's going on. There was one line in every fucking scene lisa. I am That I fucked up

Doesn't that happen to everybody? Not really not fucking really Did it piss you off didn't piss me off it just disappointed me you get no, that's it, you know This fucking uh, you know, you could take 19 alpha brains. You're still 53. You know what I'm saying? 53 is 53 You look at my brain looking All right, all these people getting concussions. I never got hit in the head playing football, right? But I got hit in the head in the motorcycle

Then I got hit in the head with the flashlight when I was fucking five or six, right? With the with the fucking container from the fucking Lunchbox, right? All right, then throughout the years I got clenched in the head a few fucking times I landed on my head a few times Right now you add all that up now you got to add the drugs Right that don't fucking help nobody that's like the left side of your brain It's just shot like it just yells from time to time And then you got to add the fucking trauma you got to really add in I went to see dr. Amy last week

And she got new contraption And she puts it on my ears and she goes i'm gonna find what pain you have you have physical pain Mental pain, you know Personal pain. I'll find the fucking pain with this And it's like this little thing then they stick a needle in your your sideways You got to take a breath you like because it hurts a little bit like it fucking hurts And they put this needle in and afterwards she goes do you feel a lot better? And she goes, you know, this tells you it's a gauge on your pain. You know, you have like a lot of pain

Do I have a lot of pain? Who the fuck knows if I have a lot of pain sometimes Sometimes I wake up and I uh Think of shit like this about my godfather that gives me pain because I knew I was a better person when I did it, you know I was a way fucking better person when I did that shit And I got a little bit I know he's dead, you know I wish he wasn't I wish there was a way I could find him down in the key west wherever the fuck he is

But I know I can't fucking find him. I've tried I've read google Google express and you know what nothing comes up Well, that's the weird thing like let's say I press There's people I look for from time to time I remember and I don't wonder where he is Then you have that service that pops up that there's says there's five Lisa Yats in this area Right, and you have to look through them and maybe you recognize his kids names or his wife's name and that's how you pick them You go. Oh shit. He is fucking alive. But then when you click on that

You want they want like 92 50 To give you the name and the phone number and then you got to subscribe every month and there's a by the way And if you cancel you got to cancel six months in advance You got a ready to written letter certified by the fucking judge of Connecticut who died judge calia You got to fucking do all this fucking then I won't do it So but no, there's nothing Nothing for him not at all so

We Get it together. I'm not to read sponsors. Look at the shape of you're not not that we're going up So let's go. No, you I got shit to do on people to see you over here fucking Your eyes on the back. Yeah, how you gonna fucking drive? Oh, I have no plans of doing that at all. You still gotta eat one more star. Yeah, I'll know You got another brownie in there with your name on either how many podcasts you do till like 19? uh Four just two

Just two and then uh talked to the boat doing one in after buzz so that might be happening And right now at this point in my life, you know, it's been a long time I don't talk to my daughter, but I have no right to say this to anybody But what this podcast was about wasn't this shit not happening to you man If you have a relative you're having beef with right now Over fucking something stupid, you know, think about it because now 30 years later I wish I could hug Gabby, you know, I wish I could introduce him to my daughter There's so many things that I wish I could have taken I could have taken to a premiere

I could have taken you know, I'm saying I let him down so much So I'd like to make him proud of me, you know and uh Fuck it. Do you think you you're living in a way that would make him proud now? Do you think you're living in a way that would make him proud now? Absa fucking Luton Absa fucking Luton Absolutely if he saw me 30 years ago and saw me now He would go I don't know how you pulled it off

I don't know how the fuck you pulled it off, but god bless you Thank you for giving me my money. I'm fucking 80. I need to know more than ever You know the government don't send you checks Whatever, you know, I would give them the money. I don't care So, I mean, I guess that's really all you can do, you know, I mean if you're living in a way that he would approve of Hopefully he's still alive. Listen all those people that I wrong coming up You know man

Uh in that way like my family like my uncle You asked about my uncle. I'm I'm blown away around my uncle pokey our friend pokey. Mm-hmm isn't cuba The deal was I was gonna see pokey this week before she left Give her cash for her trip and give her a package to take my sister The problem was my cousin called my wife Okay, and they after christmas and said we have a christmas present For mercy plus my brother went to cuba We have a letter for joey from his family

So I was waiting to get the letter So I could disperse whatever the fuck I had to do with the stacy It's february what? 16 i still haven't my cousin still hasn't called my wife Now they got a lot of shit going on up there Me and my uncle the chit chat between me and my uncle that we're not talking no more Does it break my heart?

It breaks my heart in many ways But between you and I i'm 53. I didn't talk to him For 35 of those fucking years I didn't talk to him from 84 to 2009 For 25 years we didn't talk He never hunted me down one time a friend of mine came to me and said you know who called my house the other day Your uncle

He's saying a bunch of shit about you If I know how to find you but but but but he never Never ever ever they reach out after that that was just And when I reached out to my uncle I reached out to him. I apologized like a man. I apologized for what I had done And I asked him for a second chance and he said absolutely swing by the barn. I went over there and I shook his hand And I talked to him for a little while and I would take him out to lunch For a year or two every monday like clockwork I would call him

Six times a week When I was do those gigs late night I'd call him 11 o'clock at night deal. What's going on? We talked for fucking 45 minutes about Cuba Music a piece of ass he got Testosterone, you know, I was contacting him more than his kids. I took him to a few baseball games I invited you know, I used to take him to breakfast of my daughter and my wife I mean I did everything I can He was the first the second guy to show up at the hospital. My wife had the baby. I mean, you know

And one day it just ended What do you want me to do late? You want me to go knock on his door and apologize and try to rekindle it? We gave it a shot. It didn't work out I'm cool with that. He got to meet my daughter. He got to meet my wife And he got to see me in a great place. He really did I'm I'm cool with my uncle because my uncle got to see me in a great place He got to watch grudge match. He watched the longest yard He watched spider-man. He came to watch me do stand-up. I ate dick when he at least he came

We had him on the podcast in the old place Right the first office the first office. I mean that was cool my uncle. We haven't spoken now for a year Do I miss him? Fuck yeah, I miss him But you know what we just that just wasn't meant to be I live with that every day like a man. I don't give a fuck And what listen as far as I'm concerned, I'm not mad at all I'm hurt that he hasn't reached out to my daughter

That destroys me because that's something that has nothing to do with her That's What gets under my skin That he could he could put an envelope He doesn't need to send $10 nothing just a card to say mercy from your great uncle Lazaro and I'd be straight with it But for him to shut him and my wife off my wife like my uncle My wife dug my uncle. She got a kick out

He's old dog. You know old dudes are fucking a piss. They're fucking piss living their own world All I'm saying is you know I'm saying If you're at war with somebody talk to him so you don't feel as bad as I do on my birthday every fucking year That's it. Give me the fucking sponsor sheets. What are you looking at me all weird for? What do you got tomorrow cocksucker? Tomorrow, um I have a couple consultations. Look at you. Johnny fucking consultations More consultations than consultations. At least you're going to fucking jujitsu

You know, it's funny ever since I've been reading up on these guys At the end of my work. Absolutely. I just sit there and I breathe and I close my eyes and I look at my third eye Like you're doing right now uh And his head's based off It's tremendous because let's be honest. Most of your problems start with your mind Fear which I have a ton of when I go to jujitsu anger. That's me stressed Ah anxiety. I live in fucking anxietyville

Depression. Ah sleeplessness. That's fucking me. They begin in your head, but they can wreck your fucking life Uh, it doesn't have to be that way. You can have make a major difference in just 10 minutes a day This change comes through guided meditation with the new headspace app. Listen to me a new headspace app Headspace is meditation made simple. It's guided meditation. You listen to whenever you want Wherever you want right on your phone computer or tablet Meditation is rooted in thousands of years of tradition with thousands of scientific studies that show It's positive effects like improving focus Relationship harmony decreasing anxiety and stress

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Slash joey this headspace is a tremendous app. Give it a shot You're going to be very very happy that you gave it a shot. Okay And reference andy pedicombs ted talk which has over 5 million views It come uh, you come up in google and under andy pedicomb ted talk and is the founder of headspace And the voice you hear on the app. You don't need to put aside loads of time or emigrate to Tibet They did that for you. This guy was a monk for 10 years. He knows his stuff 10 million 10 minutes is easy. It's relatively easy to find but it takes a little effort Go to headspace.com slash joey. All right, that's what i'm trying to say to you. What's up, Lee?

i'm doing great, man You're over there in your own meditation a little world, aren't you? I'm taking them to the headspace take 10 program. All right, beautiful. You need to start it also Who's better than you guys? Your smoke's a few two to roots you eat your blue apron now you're sitting there You're thinking joey. What the fuck i'm sitting here. I'm a little hungry. Boom. This one called joey comes in The church is also brought to you by naturebox.com dedicated to making smart delicious snacks easy, okay You deserve better than those high fructose

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I haven't downloaded the app I downloaded when I first got up and now I got to do it more on a basic Rotation just like I'm trying to do everything else. So nature box headspace honor. I love you cocksuckers Don't forget las vegas friday saturday And the next time you'll see me as san jose march 10 to the 12th I'm taking a little sabbatical with lee over here getting them in fucking tip top shape. Look at them We're in training. We're going for 10 star. We're going for a thousand milligrams on my birthday walk around the casino one arm I love you guys. Thank you for listening one beautiful podcast

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