Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #360 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt with George From MMA Junkie

Episode Date: March 7, 2016

George, Host of MMA Junkie Radio, calls into Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt about what happened at UFC 196. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout Club W. Go to www.clubw.com/joey to get 50% off of your first order of wine curated just for you 
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Recorded live on 03/06/2016.


This show is brought to you by Club W. Don't ever come home to a wine-free house again. Just go to clubw.com slash joey to get 50% off of your first order. That's right. Club W is offering our listeners right now 50% off of your first order when you go to clubw.com slash joey. The show is also brought to you by meundies. Go to meundies.com slash joey right now

and check out all their men's and women's underwear and clothing and go to meundies.com slash joey to get 20% off of your first order. That's meundies.com slash joey to get 20% off of your first order and shipping is always free in the U.S. and Canada. And go to onit.com and use Code Word Church to get 10% off all their optimization products like Alphabrain and New Moon. Bam! What the fuck is going on? Monday morning, March 7th, 2016,

and you're still sitting there like a fucking mook waiting for somebody to hit you on the fucking head. It's March already. What the fuck are you waiting on? No, it's March already. March fucking 7th. And people still say, I talked to a friend of mine the other day.

Well, they haven't called from that job. That was fucking January. That was fucking six weeks ago, January. It's mind-boggling. I'm sorry to some people. A lot of people are pissed off about the musical. I was telling you the other day, we have to change this around.

Did you come up with a solution so these people know? Here's the thing. If we change it, we have to go back to U-String. And that's when we get the commercials and all you motherfuckers get pissed. But they'll let us play music to open up and to close the podcast. Once it goes on YouTube, we have to cut it.

We have to cut it. And here's the other thing. Eventually, I was talking to Jamie yesterday because every podcast is going through this right now because eventually someone's going to raise their hand. They have to with music. So we could go back to U-String, but then there's commercials every few minutes.

And even if there aren't commercials, we need to find a way to maybe incorporate either some royalty-free music or have someone have other bands give us the permission to use their music because otherwise we're going to get hit. Eventually, this is going to make enough money for somebody to notice.

All we ever talk about when musicians come on is how the record labels are hurting for money. And this is a perfect avenue for them to find it. It's a great part of the show, but we want to keep doing the show. It scares the shit out of me because you don't know when they're going to pop up and go, hey, you used this song of ours in 1984

or whatever the fuck, and now we're getting sued or whatever. I don't know how it works. But it was such a part, like, I don't know, it described the podcast where it was going. Sometimes we're, like, I'd be driving around on all fucking day, and all of a sudden I'd go home and I'd walk into the house. I'm not going to lie to nobody. And I'd hear a song on a movie,

and I'd go, that's the fucking song for tonight's podcast. You just know it. I hated forcing music. I wanted the whole day or the whole night to think about music. That's how important the music was to me because it just gives that fucking vibe. Monday morning, I wanted them to get that motherfucker Tuesday morning to be animalistic type, you know, something just, you know, the song that,

I got three or four songs that drive me crazy. Really? Every time you hear them? McKinley's Last Hand. Okay. Anything Aerosmith sometimes? Like, it just pumps me up in the morning, like, Sabbath, bloody Sabbath, twice gets me going. And you never get sick of it?

Never. 40 fucking years still haven't gotten sick of it. Can you believe that? 40 fucking years, listening to that fucking music, some of that shit even longer. You know, once I got hooked on music, seven or eight, and you start learning lyrics, and I went through the different types of music,

Spanish music growing up, then I went to rock and roll music. Does that ever fuck you up? Like, do you ever get high and think, I've been listening to this song for four decades? Like, that's crazy. You know me, dog, I hold on to shit like her piece, so if the song works,

like, for me, half that music kept me alive. Like, I'm not kidding you. I'm not kidding you. I wish, I wish I was lying to you. So, like, do you mean, like, if that song didn't exist, you would have committed suicide? Like, what do you mean when you say that? You know, from the ages of 15, 14 to whatever,

I was just confused as every other kid. Now I had no dad, drugs, men's immortal home life. There was a lot of love, but it was a men's immortal. It wasn't like your home life. Yeah, I had a nice neighborhood, and people watched over you in the neighborhoods, but it's not what you had.

It's not what you had. Not that I had a bad life at home. It wasn't just, there was no Dennis till later on. There was no Dennis, you know, we did Dennis early on, and it's just, we disintegrated. We just became an atomic family, and we stopped eating Dennis except maybe twice a week. We ate breakfast from time to time, but never Dennis,

and that's why I'm always home for fucking Dennis. That's why when people contact me, they're like, oh, we have to be there at five. It ain't gonna happen, because if I'm not working, I can't do nothing between them, because now you understand where that comes from. Got to be home for Dennis, because I know what it did to me. Absolutely.

When we were eating dinner, the house was grounded. When we stopped eating Dennis together from my ages of like, when I got out of the Catholic school, which is 10 to 11, to maybe 15, it was too late, and I saw the difference. I see it now today. That's why I'm home for dinner every night. I eat dinner with them. We're a family at five o'clock.

No matter what the fuck is going on, if I'm not working, I'm eating dinner. I got no fucking excuse. My mom never even let a TV near where dinner was. No, no, no. Mercy tonight was playing with the fucking iPhone, my wife's iPhone, and she's not eating. She's just sitting there.

You know, she's three. But they become four, and they become five, and now it's a fucking habit. So she only has a lot to have those games on the cell phone, like for an hour of fucking death. But for some reason today, she took it while she was fucking eating. I'm gonna say something to my wife, but I can't. I can't say nothing to her because, you know what I'm saying?

I have to just be there more at that situation. Maybe my wife left the cell phone down, and she saw it. You know, sometimes my wife has to walk around with it in her pocket all day. Jesus. We both do. Which is good. You know, it makes you check around more

than leaving the fucking phone down. So, you know, she's just a three-year-old kid. She's a fucking phone. She's already seeing the people doing on it. She's better on that phone than I am. Oh, I'm sure. She files Gigi stuff. She goes to YouTube.

She can go to YouTube? She goes to YouTube. She knows what button to press, and she does something, and then she starts scrolling through fucking four little monsters jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped this. She'll watch those all day long. All creatures, different types of lyrics.

Jesus Christ. It's the same fucking song, you know. But listen, if the phone's not on, she'll go on the fucking computer herself. Okay. She calls her pew-poota or some shit. She'll come in there and make me set it up for her. And then after about 10 minutes, first she's sitting on my lap

and she's huggy-feely. Then she gets up and she's really excited. Then she gets to a point where she realized she don't need me and she goes, Daddy, up, and she'll sit in my chair and tell me to fucking sit on the bed. And what, did she just show you videos? Yeah, she'll giggle by herself like a moron. Like some fucking wackadoo and watches those fucking YouTube videos

of songs and kids. They're instructional videos. It's not like she's watching porn. I mean, it's about colors and, you know, dragons and dinosaurs and songs and, you know, what's the people on the fucking bus go round and round and round. All that shit, only with horror people. You know, sometimes she watches it with normal people

and the baby. Sometimes she watches it with ghouls and ghosts. What was that one that we were watching? And it was like... Bingo. Yeah, and there's dead animals with like brains coming out of their head. And she's singing bingo and shit. You know, I don't get involved with it.

If YouTube got it and says, kids, what am I going to do? I don't see nobody fucking up the ass or nothing. So I'm all right. You know what I'm saying? I watch all that shit with her as much as I could watch it because you have to watch. You got to see what they're watching. I ask her questions.

You know, you got to ask her stupid fucking questions. So she knows. I try to talk to her a lot more than my wife in a different tone. You know, I try to talk to her like somebody would talk to her on the street. You know, not curse words or nothing. I just try to talk to her not like a dad, not like a fucking dad. Why do you make that choice? Because I wanted to be conversational.

My mom would talk to me. My mom was very conversational with you. I said, child, that's how you can tell if you're very conversational. You know, say hello, Lee. Lee's shy. Fuck Lee being shy. Look at this motherfucker before I backhand you. Yeah, I was never allowed to be shy.

Yeah. No, you can't be shy. Look at him. Shake his hand. Tell her how nice a dress look. And my mom would always engage me in conversation. You know, I didn't remember that shit five years ago. I remember it now while I have a child.

How much she engaged me. She always engaged me and she always talked to me in Spanish and she makes it up. You know, and she talked to me and that's big. You got to talk to him and not talk down to him. So they get confidence. I'm not looking to talk down to her. I'm looking to talk to her at her level. I ask her stupid fucking questions.

So she answers me and I play fucking stupid like she's Joe Genius. You know what I'm saying? That's red. No shit. I didn't know that. Whatever. You know, you just talked to them. That's the most important thing about having a child is talking to him, keeping them fucking

engaged, letting them know you know what's going on. And they, you know, it's just weird. You just think about what the mistakes they made with me. Dinner and that once they get older, you got to be there at three. You got to be there to welcome them at three o'clock. Don't give them that two hour window. That two hour window is when I did everything. I got my dick sucked.

I dry humped. I made formulas. I drank cocktails. I lifted weights. I did everything in that two hour time period. They would try to come home to catch me. My mom would try to come home like a fourth. They were always late though.

So I always had the time to clean up my mess. Even though I would just take the doors off the closet and put them on three chairs and use it as a bench press. Like I would do shit like that when I was a kid. I was that type of retard. It's kind of weird how you spent your entire adolescence trying to do that stuff like dry hump and drink or whatever you're doing. And now you're planning on ways to fuck up your kid doing that.

And it's just crazy how like you learn, like you give your parents a little bit more slack probably. You talk, you think back about your life and you think about the gaps you had. Right. You think about the things you did and where you did them and how you did them. I was talking with a friend of mine once, maybe 15 years ago. This guy guys is one of the coolest motherfuckers you ever met. If I'm 50 something now, he's got to be 60.

He was a lot older than me and I'm lying to you guys. Maybe 20 years ago. And his daughter had just graduated college. Okay. And he moved the one day. He helped him move. Something happened. He helped to fucking move.

And there were no, there were books and I guess there were paperwork like paperwork like this, like a piece, you know, like pieces of paper folded. And when he opened them, it was letters from her girlfriend talking about when they took on three guys. So he called me and he goes, I need to talk to you real quick. He goes, you see my daughter, I've had them bolder at the time. I didn't know where he was coming from with this. Now I used to go to this restaurant constantly.

It was my home base. I borrowed money there. I lent money there. I knew the baker real well. I knew them. I had a tab there. They were just beautiful people. I just became friends with their owner on Facebook.

And I used to talk to her there. You know, I saw her there every day for two or three years. Every day I'd go in and she'd say, hi, Uncle Joey. And I go, what's up? Where's your dad? She'd go, what do you think he is working? And I go, how are you doing? How are your grades?

She played basketball. We went to a couple of games. She got in the school play. We went to a couple of fucking plays. You know, I knew this fucking kid. So when he came to me, he had tears in his eyes. And he's like, do you think she's this type of person? And I go from what I've seen to her.

I think in the two years I've known I've never seen her with a cocktail on her hand or nothing. This chick was doing blow. And, you know, they were doing meant to be young kids, you know. And you're sitting there as a parent going, when does she have time to do this? Well, my friend, what are your hours? I leave the house at nine. I don't get home till seven o'clock at night. I go, when you get home at seven, where was she?

In her fucking room. Would you talk to her? She told me she don't want me to bother her. So you leave in her room by herself. Do you tuck her in? Do you go in there and talk to her? Do you check on her in the middle of the night? There ain't a night that I don't check up on mercy.

There ain't a night I don't open up that door when I come home and look at my wife. Oh, I don't even know it. I'm 300 pounds. I walk in the house. I got wooden floors. I walk through there. I open up the door. I tuck her in.

I put the blanket on mercy. Look at that because of those things. So you didn't tuck her in at two o'clock. You didn't know she snuck out in the middle of the fucking night. So what are you saying? But do you think that doing all of those things would actually make a difference? Because here's the thing. They might not do it as young, but you could still do coke or do it later.

You could do it at night. No, no, no. Okay. I'm talking about up to fucking 16. Okay. I did coke maybe one time before she died. But I'm talking about from the time I was 11 to maybe 15. Okay.

They'd get home at five. I had two hours. It only took me 15 minutes to walk home from three o'clock. I could be home by 315, take my sweater off, drop my notebooks off, make a fucking iced tea, make a ham and cheese sandwich, and I'd be out the fucking door. Okay. It started when I was 11 walking down to the train station. They didn't know.

They didn't know. They thought I was playing fucking football basketball. I don't blame them. I told them I was going to the park. They trusted me. What did I do? Me? Michael Speciale, Dominic, John Bender, you know, 30 fucking kids, Mike Olsen, we'd walk

down to the trains and they taught me how to fucking rob those trains. You could rob a fucking train and be home for dinner at five o'clock and nobody would know nothing. Okay. So let's pretend that. Let's just start there. Where were you? We were down by the track, playing baseball.

You think they're going to go down to the fucking tracks? We almost didn't make it to the tracks. I was a mile walking to the fucking bushes of Seacork, New Jersey, and that swamp fucking ville. And we'd walk back with punks, those things that you like, and they take the mosquitoes to go away. Oh, right, right, right. And we'd knock on door to door and sell them for a dollar a piece.

That's the little hustles I hang out with. Then we started getting motorcycles. And my mom would say, where do you ride that motorcycle? When I'd say up in the woods, Schutzen Park, there's a thing up there and you could drive your motorcycle behind and every once in a while, the guy's name was Butcher. And he'd come out with a knife and a dog and he'd chase your German. There was a German, a bunch of Nazis, Schutzen Park. They still have parties up there and stuff like that.

But there was a thing behind there called a soccer field. Yeah, when I first got the motorcycle, it was great to ride your motorcycle in circles around the soccer field like a fucking Momo. It was great. But one day your friend's like, hey, don't you ride down by the tracks? No, I didn't even know about that. You know what? I would fucking, if you came to me right, listen, you're my brother.

I love you. I care about you. You know, you got a mom. You got a dad. They're going to call me something. They say, what? I don't want to hear that. So when you came to me and talked to me about a bicycle, how red did my face get?

When John Budd showed up to kettlebell class the other day, I was fucking, I had to call him and apologize because I really got on him. Like, I love you guys. I'm not worried about you, Leah. You're intelligent. I know you could ride a bike. When I walked Mersey and my wife to school in the morning, you know how many accidents I almost see?

A thousand. Do you have any fucking idea? That's why I had to Uber here last time because I'm scared of motorcycles. It's a hunger. It's scary. So when I went home, finding out there about a bicycle, you want to get in shape. Jesus Christ, the bicycle's great. Not around here.

Nope. You want to put it on your VW and drive to the mountains and ride the pass like a normal human being and run over snakes and get a suntan and still put on a helmet and still be concerned and responsible. But you don't have, you know, you don't have 60% of people in cars smoking pot. Another 10% of texting. Yeah. I think it's higher.

Okay. I'm just giving you dumb and we've reviewed these numbers. These are like Joe D and stupidity numbers. They got to be higher. So if 75% of people are stoned and half of them are texting, you really want to be on a bicycle? It would worry me that no end. Okay.

Yeah. One of my stories is that I used to take a motorcycle and ride across Tonnelly Avenue, which even 30 years ago was death. Even 40 years ago was death. There was trucks and cars and then we rode down Patterson Plank Road, which is like a bunch of lumps of your motorcycle would shake from hitting the train tracks and the broken concrete, like you, it would be horrible and you're riding with them against traffic at this point.

Then we'd stay on that till we hit route three. This is, if we saw a cop, we were dead. Now this is all illegal with dirt bikes with no plates on them with helmets. And then we'd shoot into that fucking stone dirt bikes, by the way. No, some of them were paid for. We'd shoot into that fucking swamp and ride another mile or two. And sometimes you ride all the way to River Road by a Chinese dragon in this. From my house in the back roads, you came out there and it was a motorcycle stand by

Richfield Park and a Dairy Queen. We get a Dairy Queen that contained a pork fried rice and we get back on that fucking motorcycle and ride back to our houses at 13, 12 years old. If my mother ever knew that she would take that motorcycle and shove it up my fucking ass two times. You understand me, Lee? Can you imagine that you risked your life for pork fried rice? At that age, we didn't know.

We were just riding bicycles. We were in Sons of Anarchy. We were just riding bicycles, Lee, we were fucking kids. But I sit back now and I go, a thousand things could have happened. Before I left the house in my Jersey City, two kids in North Bergen, a runaway car hit two kids yesterday and last Monday a mother and a daughter got iced in Western New York and I hit and run. You know, you got to be careful when you're walking.

I tell people all the time. You got to pay attention to everything. I pay attention to everything. I walk those women to school for two reasons. A, I get in shape. I walk them after breakfast and B, I walk, but we walk strategically across the street and we walk on to oncoming traffic. I stay on the outside.

I'll take the car hit for my wife and my daughters. I stay on the outside. We walk in front of the fire station and we walk all the way down. We make the ride at the school. Did your mom do that? My mom did that from the time I was born. The men always have to walk on the edge of the sidewalk. Every time.

She still does it. If we're ever walking and I'm not doing that, she'll like physically move me and put me down. It makes a difference. Those two hours, I learned how to do so many evil things and those two hours, I'm not evil. Okay, after the most second concussion, then I was old enough to get a girlfriend and we started to drive home and listen to music.

I didn't get my dick sucked. I'm not going to lie to nobody. We were dry humping up there. I think after a year, she showed me a tit. No, we were harmless. That was one part of it. And then once that ended, I became a karate guy. So I went home, did homework.

Once I got left back and shit, I became a little bit more responsible. But once the eighth grade came, ninth grade, I started smoking pot. Those were the hours where I'd go home. I'd roll my joints. I'd take the seeds out. I'd weigh my pot. See, but here's the thing, like, how did you get away from your mom finding out when she got home?

Because that's why I would never do it. My mom was home most of the time, but she got a job when I got older. There you go. Your mom was home, but your mom, I had a two hour window. So I knew if I got high at 315, by the time she got home, I had already eaten fucking half a pound of everything. I would put vizin in my eyes. I wouldn't smell like weed, but I can't lie to you guys at that age.

I wasn't doing that. I wasn't doing that at all. I was just weighing the pot, getting it ready for that night, you know, on the phone. I was gambling for a while in the eighth grade, you know, again, stupid. Me and Whitey O'Donnell, 1750, five time parlays. Okay. Again. You're saying this like this is nothing.

No eighth grader knows what a five time parlay is and has a bookie who's a high school teacher or whatever. That time I was in high school teacher was one of Whitey's uncles took our bets on some shit. Like five times, but we didn't do nothing over five times. Five times, by the way, it's $25, 2750 if you lose, $30 if you lose. So we would bet two times on the next $10. Me and Whitey would bet $5 each, you know, in 1977, $10 was a lot of fucking money for

$6. I got an album for $14.95, I got lobster fry diablo with shrimp and lobster tails and the glass of wine. Like, oh, it's got old, you know, all that shit, so it was different, but we paid $5. We used to bet $5. Where did you even get money at eighth grade? My mom, my mom had the bar. I would shoot over there and fill up some buckets.

You were using your allowance to bet? Sure. Sure. And if I got in a hole and make up a story until I need 10 bucks. I had a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles piggy bank until, like, probably right around that time and you were fucking, are you serious? My stepdad, after I got arrested, well, for years, my stepdad put away money and he hit it under the bureau.

He used to hit this fucking Gidas under the bureau and one day I happened to catch him and throw it under there like, oh, that's my dough, right? So I would hit it for like 10s, 20s from time to time and then he would get pissed off. He knew it was me. This is a dude who would hide guns around the neighborhood just in case and you're stealing $10 for no reason? Why not? What was he going to say to me?

What was he going to say? Give me my fucking $1,000 back when we took. I used to torment his life. He had this change jar filled with silver dollars and quarters. One day he started yelling, he's like, oh, there's nothing but pennies in there. I fucking mugged everything. I took every thing of silver out of that thing. It was like 1,000 bucks.

It was a big Cheever's bottle, like a big one. And where were you, like, were you using it to buy candy or what were you doing with it? Just going out at night, getting Carvel milkshakes and going to movies and shit. I don't fucking know, Lee. I wasn't drinking. It wasn't like I was doing that type of stuff, not at all. I was just Carvel milkshakes, just like a big shot of Carvel milkshakes. I thought I was 15.

Come on, let me buy you a milkshake. Oh, my God. No, that was it. You got an allowance, but I made money if I went to the bar. And if I stayed at the bar at night, I made even more money because the bookies would come in and they would get drunk and they'd go, hey, come here, how you been doing in school? Good here.

It's $20. Go buy yourself a shirt on me or something. And my mom would say, don't give me money no more, but they would still give me money. That's awesome. Well, God, I'm surprised you didn't go to the bar every night for at least an hour. No, I would go on Fridays and Saturdays. I see you didn't wear them out. No, I would never wear them out.

And I'd play congas and they put little dollars in the hat and shit. I used to rock, though. You got to rock. When you want to rock, you got to roll. You got to roll as a kid. You got to wash cars. But I still think about those two hours, Lee, and I still think about, I dread those two hours.

Like I always say with mercy, I'm going to pay for all the sins I did. Usually do with your children. So I think about how you could get involved. You can't creep on your kids, but you could just get involved. You get involved. Let me tell you something. I'm going to look at you from the face and tell you this little honesty. I didn't want them involved.

Your parents? I didn't want my mom involved. No, no kids do. I didn't. They were embarrassing. She always spoke Spanish and yelled in Spanish. You know, I just didn't want her involved. She would blow a little thing out of fucking proportion.

So I just felt it was best. So in my world, but it's not my world. It's their world. So if my daughter comes to me and says, Dad, I don't want you to do this. It really doesn't matter what you want me to do. You don't want me to do it when you're fucking 18 and you could pay the bills in this house. Then you tell me what the fuck to do right now. You're like, my God damn roof.

That doesn't mean I'm for Del Castro, but that means I still have to be involved. I still got to drive you. I still got to pick you up. A lot of weird shit happens out there and in my head, do you know the shit that plays on my fucking head? You have no fucking idea. You have no fucking idea. Like bad scenarios or what do you mean?

Always. Always. You got to figure I got to ban them in issues. My mom died. The old man died when I was three. Something's not right in there. I worry about all my friends. I worry about when I go to shows, you know, like right now, Bob Lillinkus, his dad's having

surgery and shit, you know, and it's in the back of my mind because he's a friend of the shows. He's a friend of the fucking shows. You know, there's nights I come up to Laurel Canyon and I drive by your place purposely. I don't even know where you live. I know the building, but if I see somebody creeping or I see a fire, I know Lee, you know what I'm saying? I always drive by house.

I drive by Felicia's. I know she's a single mom with two boys. There's no lights on that block. I always drive by Felicia Michael Salas. In fact, I stopped over there the other day. Really? Yeah. She called me and I had my wife's car and I was coming back from Perennial from the

Wheat Store and I was on her block and I couldn't talk. It wasn't hands-free. So I had my wife's car, so I pulled over to talk to my friend in Jersey and I realized I was talking to him for 20 minutes, number one, number two. I was two houses down from Felicia. So I didn't want to think I was keeping people on her. Oh, okay. So I knocked on the door.

I went in and talked to her. She came out. We smoked a half a bow. I gave her a hug and I left. It was great to see her. That's awesome. It was great to talk to. It was great to talk to her about comedy.

She's really smart when it comes to comedy and she's very a good writer and I got to be honest. I miss her at times. I like women around me. I miss her at times. It was a really good scene. I saw at the store like three weeks ago and we chit-chat for an hour or two. I saw at the coffee shop one morning getting coffee and she sat with me for a while.

It's nice to see it, man. She's a great lady. She's not traveling as much because of the boys. Her boys are at that age. And again, you know, she had a problem with the boys for a while. One of them was smoking and she said it because I had to be home a little more and I said to her, remember we had this discussion three or four years ago. It's like a cop.

It wasn't when my dad was here, didn't we talk about police? Like just patrolling? Visibility? Yeah. In the neighborhood, you know, if I don't know the cop, I'm not going to have a relationship with him. No. But if I know it's Officer Syat, let's say your dad was a cop and every day when I drove

by one day he pulled over and he talked to me and I'd see him every day when he's Officer Syat and pretty much have a relationship with Officer Syat and that goes two ways. If there's a problem in the neighborhood, something might say, I could call Detective Syat and say, Detective, I saw something in my neighborhood, he'll come over, we'll talk and he'll go, thank you for calling me, man. Thank you for having me. You know, somebody gives me a problem, somebody parks in front of my house for fucking six weeks.

I could call Detective Syat and say Detective Syat, you following me? We don't have that no more. But it's the same thing as parents. Just the visibility and just knowing they're there. Let's pretend your father doesn't work from three to five and I go, do you bring the gun over? That gives you time to go to your house, get your dad's gun and bring it over and show it to me.

If your dad was home and your mom was home, you wouldn't sneak the gun out. Little things, Lee, trust me. Little things. You had your mom at home at three o'clock, right? Yeah, for the majority of my life, yeah. Like middle school, high school, she had to go back to work. But here that's why I was saying, maybe it's because when I was younger I had her there, I didn't do any, like I never snuck out really, like I never did any of that.

But me, it's, is it tough to, because you don't want to be the strict parent that nobody likes because you obviously want mercy to like you. You know, man, a couple of years ago you and I had a conversation. I know for a fact you didn't like the conversation, made you a better person and made you a better worker and you became more aware of that conversation. I wasn't lying to you. It's tough to talk to anybody, whether it's a child, it's your child, a friend. It's very tough to look somebody in the eye at any level and go, this is what you need

to do, dude. And I would never say it to nobody unless I knew, unless I was there. I've been there, you know. We think, I don't want the most for the least, are you fucking crazy? I'm just like you. If I didn't have to, if I could send a dummy of me to a town to sit on stage and like a programmer from the house to do material and jokes and shake hands, I would fucking get on a plane and a dummy would cost me like 40% of my take.

I think about it because I want to, I want to sit at home, nobody wants to fucking work. Nobody wants to do anything, but the same thing with children. You know, when you walk into the living room and there's the fucking, their shoes and their dish in the living room, you're going to keep picking it up. No, you got to say something to them and they get offended. You go listen to the next time, you're not going to go outside and play. They do it again. Now you got to stick to your fucking word and eventually they'll pick that fucking plate

up every day, talking to nobody, talking to anybody is tough. This is why I just said to you, my wife, there's things I can say to my wife, there's things I got to bite my tongue and she's got to find out for herself, the way I find out for myself. I found out, I finally understood what you meant about Subway today. What happened? Because I went there just, and here's, here's what I figured out. You don't ever tell anybody, sometimes you do, but not really, you don't ever tell anybody exactly why you want them to do something and you've said it before, like you came from

a place where if they told you to do something, you're not supposed to do it and you're not supposed to ask questions. The issue with Subway is yeah, everyone goes and yeah, sometimes the sandwiches are okay, but it's about taking like the extra time and to get something so much better. I just went to Subway and it was just, like the line was long and then they put, I asked for a little bit, like one tiny line of mayo and she puts like a huge squirt over everything and puts like eight pounds of that brown lettuce and I was just like, and I was like 10 bucks and I was just like, well, yeah, everyone can, you can go to Subway and it's

not the worst thing you can eat, but it's take the extra 10 minutes, make sure you go to Ralph's and have like a much better sandwich and put the effort in and then it, it rolls over until like the rest of your life. Like that's what I'm, that's what I've been noticing recently is that when you put a little bit more in, right, not right away, even though it feels like, like a shitty thing to do, even though it's not the easiest thing, it pays off a lot later and it's hard to see that early on. Everything you do, you're punching it and make it easier for everybody.

You're always punching in people. You're always punching in. Okay. This man once, once this got broken down to me, it changed my life. Everything you do is because you're punching in and the check is going to come. It's not going to come today, but it's going to come. Every day you punch in and you punch in to give it a hundred and fifty percent. If you walk down the street and you see a piece of paper, you pick it up, whether you

drop it or not, pick it up, pick that fucking piece of paper up. You put, you punch yourself in. You know, when I did that fucking lawyer, thievery shit where you do the fake falls and you go to a doctor, the guy looked at me and he goes, listen, every time you go to a doctor, every time you're punching it, there's a paid day. He goes, it's costing you four dollars today to park, but in a year when I'm giving you a check for 50,000, you're punching it. I didn't break that down to crime.

I broke that down to life. You're always punching in, man. And it's so weird. It took me to 45 to find out. I wish somebody would have to broke it down for me at 32. And I'm still not perfect. I'm just saying, like, I've been working on it recently. Nobody's perfect.

That's why those little fucking things, those little things twisted around the good mornings, the people, the fucking, I used to wake up in a bad mood. Listen, Genshin, even get those people. Don't talk to nobody, don't talk to nobody. You're fucking beautiful. You're missing beauty. What are you talking about? When I got locked up, people like, they say you're too friendly in the morning.

What do you want me to do? Sad Gus, you want me to be like a mafia leader, like thoughtful and what the fuck is wrong with people? People ask me a lot why I pick up the phone when you call me at six in the morning. Like, I could just let it go to voice help, but it's fun. I'm good every time. Every day. Like, because I'm on fire at six in the morning.

I haven't talked to nobody in eight hours, maybe the cat for a little while. I'm on fire. You know, and we're goofing on Jews and how you got to act. And if you're going to be a Jew, you got to be at attention. Your shoes got to be shine. We just go back and forth and giggle. And that's it. You're up.

You just woke up fucking laughing. Yeah. Oh my God, I just woke up fucking laughing. How good is my day gonna fucking be? And you're eating breakfast and you're giggling about the conversation you had about the Auschwitz coins. You know, we were fucking howling the other morning about Auschwitz coins. And we say the dumbest shit.

What we need to do is tape the six a.m. phone call and sell it every week for a dollar. Because that's the only thing I will charge people for is that six a.m. phone call because the pearls that come out of us, they're brilliant. And we forget them. We forget it. We sometimes you go, Jesus Christ, you said that thing about Jews this month, we forget what the fuck we talk about.

That's prime time when something. I think that's where you came up with Auschwitz foot. Yeah. Where the fuck do people call you? Who calls you at six in the morning throwing heat at you? Nobody. Whether I call Ralph, I called. Some kid came to my Vegas show that I shot a movie with.

And I got the numbers fucked up and I called them up and he said, man, what's up? And I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm waiting. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, I heard you wake up early. I fucking started howling. He's a young kid from Australia. He was the boxer and raging bull too. Oh, OK.

So he lives, he lives here now, but he came to the show Friday night. So he kept calling me and fucking passed out. The show was great, by the way, at the MGM with Joe. Yeah. It looked, it looked like a fun place. A lot of people. I'm 300 pounds for a fucking reason. You know, I'm not 300 pounds because I fucking eat good all the time.

And I ate great all those years, Lee. You know, when I was a broke comic, I had to eat with the fuck I had to eat. I told you, I had a thousand veggie and cheese sandwiches. But I went back 10 years later and I saw how bad it was. In 95 subway was fucking good. The lettuce was good. Then something happened. They did something with the bread.

OK, I'm done. I used to eat it on the road all the time. I'm not here to lie to nobody. I used to eat Burger King, those chicken things from Burger King. Shit, those long chicken sandwiches, the fucking chicken sandwiches. I used to eat those Wendy's in 1982. I would eat one of those fucking a day, those chicken colored sandwiches. So don't don't.

I'm not here to fucking point my finger at anybody. I'll still throw down a chicken sandwich from Wendy's. If I have to, I had a quarter pound of the head there with the baby fucking delicious. You know, if I go there, I got to take them at least once a month. I got to take that. My wife gets happy. The baby's happy, you know. So what do I sit down like a deaf mute?

I did go there one Friday with him. I didn't eat meat. And I just sat there because I won't fucking break one of those fish sandwiches. No, you can't eat the fish. Oh, no, I won't eat those fish fillets. But Subway, listen, the Palmer right at the corner here, Palmer, whatever. OK, I'll ever take you there. No, I never took you up here on the Lancash in Boulevard over by victory.

A block up this fucking this there Armenian, but it used to be an old Italian deli. No, you've taken me to the one on Magnolia with George, the German, Herman, the German. OK, OK, this is a different one. OK, this is up on Lancash in Boulevard. It's in a horrible part of town. And you go in there and they got a fucking brisket, a Jew. They got fucking great Italian sandwiches. No, Terry used to eat up there.

Twice a week when we moved to Hollywood, to North Hollywood. Twice a week for the first fucking year. Ask her, ask her. They got sauce and sandwiches. And the guy will tell you, don't eat it. Don't eat it today, but it's not good. Don't get this, don't get that. No, don't get that.

Don't make you specially sandwiches. They got nice bread. They got a nice macaroni salad. They give you two sides. They got potato salad. They got potato salad, macaroni salad. They give you two sides, a sandwich and a fucking soda, fucking 695. This is why I say to you, why do you go to Subway?

Oh, shit. There's my brother right there. What's up? How's it going? Good. On the radio, on the phone is my brother, George. Remember made junkie, one of the hosts of the many that they have with goes and the other big white dude. The cool motherfucker. What's going on, George?

How are you, my friend? Man, I'm doing all right. George, let me ask you a question. When you and your how many of your children in your family? To be my brother. OK, anybody ever get on the bad side, you and your brother? I mean, when you guys were kids, and you got you to anybody made a couple of mistakes or anything?

Have him or I made mistakes? Yeah, did you get arrested for DUI? Did you rob a bicycle? Did you break a fucking window when you were 17? Did you, you know? Well, yeah. I mean, I guess of the two of us, I probably was the more mischievous. But I I don't have a record and neither does my brother.

Luckily, we, you know, like, well, he was never really a bad kid. So he never had to sweat it. I did a few things here and there, but I guess I had some street therapy to me, you know, about as bad as it got, man. Oh, we were talking about parenting. How with me, it was I always felt that that gap between three and five and my parents were in home was when I always got into trouble. You know, I always went lurking where I wasn't supposed to be at the house.

Shit like that. So I just Lee and I were just talking about parenting. That's it. And if your parents were home, yeah, you know, I'll tell you what, my dad set the tone pretty early and I would say my mom did more like the parenting as far as like staying on top of us for our chores and school. But, you know, at any time we were out of line, she'd call my dad and and a couple spanking from him and he had big forms, big hands.

So he set the tone very early in our ages to not mess around, you know, and it works. I gotta tell you, it really did. So I guess when we did do something, we really, really thought it out, you know, because of the word. I wasn't even scared of the cops, honestly. You are like or the principal or whoever I was going to deal with. Whatever a 30 figure was in my life, I was not worried about them.

I was worried about my dad and catching an ass open. So, yeah, I would say had he not set the tone, who knows, maybe I would have got sloppy or maybe I wouldn't have cared or a lot. But I really do have him to think about. I'm happy that everything worked out for you, Cox. I'm still scared of my parents. My parents are not super young anymore, but I'm still scared of them.

It's it's a it's a crazy thing. You still respectful of them. I am a little bit scared of those two. Oh, yeah, my parents got started yelling. I would probably revert back a little bit. Let's talk about the UC Saturday. I'm sorry. Go ahead, George. No, I was just going to say, I think I'm more scared to let them down.

I'm beyond, you know, if anything, it's just I want to respect them. And I do talk back, I guess, sometimes at times just because I think they want to treat me like I'm I'm still six years old and I'm 46 years old, so I got to check on them at times. But, you know, I have my limits. I don't really cut it down like anything like that and disrespect them. And I guess I'm just more scared of letting them down. Now you have to respect your parents, man.

That's I hung out with very few people. There was one guy I grew up with that. I had to spend a few months with and I saw how he treated his parents. And I'll tell you what, he was a good guy, but I never really had communication much with him after that. And he called me about a year ago to tell me that his dad had died. And by his dad dying, he got to realize what I was going through at that age. And he wanted to apologize.

And he apologized about him fucking karate chop and his dad in front of me and shit. When we were 18, he karate chopped his dad with his cane. It was horrible. George, he took the cane from just hit him with it. I almost died. I shit in my pants. I just fucking threw him against the wall. I was like, I didn't even know what to do.

And he said, nah, we do this all the time. He goes two years ago, my father punched me in the fucking mouth. You know, they were animals, but I was never raised around that. You hitting your dad, that you weren't right to fucking hell in my world. Picking up a stick and hitting your fucking dad. That's crazy white people shit. You know what I'm saying? And the fact he lived in, he lived in Sarasota, Florida at the time.

That's when I was hiding out for robbing the jewelry. And here I am in the house where the guy hits his fucking dad, punches him, they would fist fight, fuck you. I was like, I can't live in this shit. I just never, I just never even had a herd of that. Like, and the day he picked up the, and his dad wasn't old. He had like a walking stick. You know, old guys, they have walking sticks.

The dad would walk and him and the dad got into an argument in the fucking doorway and he took the fucking walking stick and hit his dad with a dog. I was sitting right there. I my heart stopped. I was like, this is crazy Florida shit. I had some neighbors across the street who was a single mom, a boy and a girl. And they would cuss at each other. And you know, Orange County is a little bit the south of LA.

It's just a little bit more conservative. And I know all the kids came out of the houses and we were all like, I just believe because none of us could really do that to our mothers or fathers. And this kid, you know, they were only there for a couple of years. They were in there, they were out. But man, they can have some liquor arguments. I don't even want to add to, you know, mine, I know you guys want to get to Saturday stuff because yesterday or yeah, yesterday's stuff.

Because yesterday was pretty nutty, man, and the sport I've ever made. But let me, let me say this. One thing I thought about not too long ago was. I had an argument with my dad once. It was like in 97 or 98. And it wasn't even that big of a deal. In fact, I barely almost remember why it was, but regardless, we got an argument. We didn't talk for a year.

And you wouldn't believe how stupid I feel when I think about that, you know, like I really thought I took a stance and I guess he was a stubborn old man who was looking for the apology. And in the end, the only ones who really hurt were my mom because, you know, not coming over for Thanksgiving and Christmas. And then I, I guess that's when it hit me like, okay, I can't continue to do this. I'll at least come over, but, but not talk to him. And then finally I realized, well, he's not going to say anything.

He's old school, you know, it's going to have to be me. So, and it's all off. He was the one at fault, but I thought about that. I thought about that quite a few times in my life and it's not worth it, man. Whatever it is, hash it out. And if you got to pick a bullet, you know, and make sure there's always peace and harmony amongst your family, amongst your close friends, because at any time it can all go away.

We've seen it. You know, we've seen it. We've seen it recently with some friends of ours in MMA and every time you open Yahoo or CNN or something, you know, somebody else was passing along. So, uh, that would be my words of wisdom for, uh, the younger generation. Well, dropping on me. What happened the other day? What happened last night, cocksucker?

What happened? What happened? Talk to me. Last night. All right. Well, let's start with Nisha Tate in Holly home, you know, uh, Holly, uh, you know, she's coming off that big win over Rhonda round. He should want to fight right away.

Take on Nisha Tate. Well, I'll tell you what, the same way we wondered if Rhonda could hang with a decorated striker. I think a lot of us wondered if Holly could hang with a decorated wrestler. And so that's what's a lot of us to believe that Nisha had a shot. But in reality, um, I think most of us, most of us were thinking, well, and if Rhonda can't do it, no one else can regardless of who's got what strength or what skillset or anything like that.

So there was some money to be made on Nisha if you wanted to take a gamble. But, you know, basically Nisha had her work cut out. So you'd have to take some punches, you know, close the range, get her down, works with jujitsu and, and, you know, the fight starts on the feet, you know, every, every five minutes they cut it off and you got to start all over. Uh, it's not, it's not as easy as people think, and especially with Holly, cause Holly moves around really, really good. She knows how to use her footwork, but she almost stopped there in the second

round, but other than that, man, you know, Holly was having a field day. Two minutes to go, Holly slips up, boom, Nisha gets her down, works with jujitsu and like a ninth inning, ninth inning rally. She actually becomes the world champion. It was pretty legit, man. And I think it, it refreshes things up a little bit in that, in that, uh, division for the women, a man at New Year's got to win. I'm sure at some point, Rhonda will be back.

Chance will be back. So it's a lot more fun now than it was three months ago with Rhonda. We opened everyone down. I mean, that was cool and all. Great pay-per-views. There's too far and lots of money for Rhonda, but, you know, for fans, it was like, come on, you know, I think we wanted to maybe freshen things up a little bit. Now that division's got a little bit more balance and parity.

And then it, you know, just when I thought, well, that wasn't going to be hard. It's all fucking 209 Nick Diaz and, and, uh, Conor McGregor for one on, but the ages, I really thought the Irishman was going to pull it off as soon as he got in Nick, Nick space and in his space. And that's usually, excuse me, Nate's, uh, state. And that's usually what Nate does. I thought, oh shit, within about 30 seconds about this is over. Conor's going to get him because Conor's too fast and he's hitting them really

hard and Nate just doesn't seem like he's in the ball game. And that damn, that damn kid, man, he's tough as nails. He's weathered the storm and then the second round, he actually got taken down by Conor, which was a huge mistake. But Conor, right at that point, he was a little foggy. He had gotten lit up. So, you know, that was, uh, that was it, man. It was a wrap two submissions then the night and it actually saved the pay-per-view

because I thought the two, uh, I thought the three fights before that, you know, the three fights to open up the paper, we were just boring, man. Boring decisions. So I honestly was saying, this is going to be like a C minus type of people with those two fights are in the way. You know, you didn't like the Amanda Nunez fight. I thought that was like, it wasn't the most exciting, but it seemed like a really like complete fight.

I was really entertained watching that fight. Well, here's the thing, Lee, now I'm in 57 and one in Muay Thai. And she's a decorated world champion. She's got three wins over the UFC Starway champion, Joanna Gentrychek. So I'm thinking Valentina's prize, you know, of the mindset, as long as this fight don't go to the ground, I'm going to light Amanda Nunez up. And she never did that. She was really tentative.

You know, Amanda Nunez was the one that was, if anything, she was the one that was more aggressive on the feet. She won the exchanges on the feet. Something in Valentina, what are you here for then? You know, you're taking up a slide here fight. When she does have a moment, you could tell she's pretty legit. She's got some skills, but I guess she got caught up now. I don't know if she got caught up with a strategy or Amanda's side, but

she's got a side at that division. That was a great fight, but that was a great fight. I thought it was a good fight, too, but it was action. I understand what George is saying. If that's what she does, I didn't get that either. Like, but it's, I thought the whole card was really great. I, you know what it was, it was still like Anderson Silva all over again. Anderson Silva did not want to go to the ground with Michael Bissing.

He wants to strike. Okay. What they do for 25 minutes, they were on their feet and Anderson Silva was 10 minutes, but three and a half minutes of every single round. Well, that's kind of what Valentino did for a smaller level. It was only three rounds instead of five, and it wasn't a main event. But still, she didn't utilize her skills. I think the fight, how about this guy?

This fight, the fight could have been way better than what I'm trying to say. Right, right, right. I see what you're saying. No, no, no, no, I may have disagreed with you at no level. I thought it could have been, I thought that she shied up to also. I thought that the, the Shambhalovitch, whatever her fucking name is, I'm sorry. I just not good with names. The Chickoo Fort Nunez.

I thought she was like holding back. She's like a kickboxer, right? Yeah. But she was, yeah, she was holding back. But then did you see like, I think it was like the second round where she just fought off the, the, uh, submission. One thing like on the, once they just get in the beat up and she just didn't tap. That was great.

Like it was, that's crazy to watch, especially with women. And like, you would think like they might tap sooner, but they're tougher than anybody. Oh man, they're tough. They're in there fucking fighting. Oh my, now who wanted to talk, the Lola fight? Really? Guy Anderson Anderson now Anderson wanted. He wanted a lot of people to have Lola pull two rounds out.

Yeah. I thought it was just had a 30, 27. I thought it was a weird fight went to a decision. What's that? I thought it was a weird fight. Like, yeah, who sports? It said that Corey Feldman is waiting, uh, for either Daniel or me. And I'm like, uh, I think you better wait for a long fucking time.

Not what I saw last night. I mean, it was a good fight with Lola. Lola's fucking huge. Lola's huge. He, you know, but, but he's undersized the 205, but just one 85. Cause it is 20 pounds, that jumps 20. The rest of them are 10 and 15, but that's a big jump. And he says that 85, the cut just kills them.

But at 205, he's leading up against, really, he's going up against heavy weights because Corey Anderson's cutting from like 225, 230 and rehydrating to the same amount. You know, Lawler's weighing in like a 203, 204 dripping wet. So he literally has given up a ton of size and he almost pulled it off. Cause he, you know, he can throw hands and he's hard to take down because he's the wrestler, but in the end, you know, nobody made a statement. Man, you know, kind of made a statement and luckily she called out and she should take it to the press office, but everybody else has kind of went

through the motions, the cash to check, and that was it. You know, I think you guys do better than that, man. It's a paper view. It's a Connor paper view. There's another title fight there. Make a statement, do something for your career. Why do you think they're giving me should take Rhonda Rousey right away? I mean, it would make, when I heard that, uh, when I, when I saw that

mission one, I figured that Rousey would fight home. And then the winner of that would get me should take because Zupa wants Rhonda Rousey. Okay. The best way to put it is Zupa makes a lot of money when Rhonda Rousey's fighting and they make even more money when she's, she's the world champion. So they're not going to make her after having six or seven title defenses have to run the gamut or jump into a tournament or anything like that.

They wanted a fast tracker and give her the Hollywood rematch. And honestly, she deserved it because of how dominant she was. But, um, she needed to recover. You know, she got her ass whooped. She got movies in the making. Now I heard some of those projects may have fallen through. So who knows her timeline may have been pushed up a bit. Well, here's what we, before you called in, I think they just want her fighting

for a title fight. Make the money before you called in. We were talking about like putting in the work for certain things. And it seems like there's a lot of, there's a lot of memes going around, like that Dana White's upset that, uh, Sage Connor and Rousey lost. And it seems like if the UFC put more time in to like actually having the fights that people wanted and building good fighters, then it wouldn't be as much of a hit when these people lose.

Like the fact that McGregor lost fucked a lot of shit up for them. And if they had had really good fighters, it wouldn't matter who won. Like when it's a good fight, like who is the, I forget, it was like a heavy was like big nog versus somebody else last year that was just a brawl. And it's just whoever lose, like it doesn't matter who wins or loses. It's just a great fight. And it seems like when these big superstars lose, it like deflate, like they're just thrown away.

So if they had better fighters, it would be better. I don't know. Yeah, they, they definitely need to, uh, create more stars. And I think that's why you'll notice Dana's not doing any scrum. He's kind of walking away from the press conferences. Now, some will say, well, there's a first class action lawsuit, so they've tried to minimize his, his role a little bit for the next couple of years. Others are saying he's just set up.

Others are saying he's taking away the spotlight and trying to put up the spotlight on his, on his athletes. Who knows, man, somewhere in there, there is the truth, but you're right. Lee, there's not enough new stars being created. Now, some of that is input fault by 50%. The other half is the athlete's fault and the athletes and their representation. Cause if the athlete don't get it, then someone who represents them better get it.

Otherwise you're not qualified for the job. Cause if you have a good athlete who's winning, then you should be able to help them, you know, create themselves. I'll give you an example. People will say, well, some, some of them don't know English, like Jose Aldo. Well, you know what? Claudia Gidele learned English. She's Brazilian.

He'll be number one. He learned English. You know, he's, uh, he's Russian. Yolana Gendresic, she learned it. She's Polish. She's Polish. So it can be done. And it's not to get created on, get creative on social media.

So I, I, I still put some of the blame on the athletes themselves. I think that some of them feel like just because the cash, the paycheck, they're now a professional athlete because of professional athletes. So we'll need to be back and not them. No man, the work just started. You got to put the work. That's what I admire about Conor McGregor. He fills the shit out of the fight.

And yeah, he might cross the line, but it doesn't matter. He's cashed in big, big checks. He's put his life on the line, but in the end, at least he's getting paid. Well, I want the other guys to start doing that. It looks like Nate Diaz kind of figured it out. This may have been a torturous two, two week run, having to put up with the Irish man and all his antics, but in the end, I think he discovered something. You know, like, holy shit, I am.

I'm really good and people really want to see me fight. So you know what? I'm going to do it. But now this is going to pay me more and everybody's going to be happy. So it's on both of them, man, promotion and fighters. What a real fairy tale just unfolds in front of our eyes. I'm going to be honest with both the years and everybody who listens to this show. Two weeks ago, I didn't give a fuck about this card.

Didn't give a flying fuck about it. I liked one person to win Holly home. Yeah, I didn't give a fuck about this card that I wanted to win George. No, but I didn't put any thought into the card. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I had so many things on my plate. I didn't really put thought into the card. I didn't know what to expect about those saños and fucking McGregor.

After I saw the other guy walking out, though, walking to fucking Jesus into Nazareth, you know, he walked right into Jerusalem. I saw him walking and going, oh my God. I just seen this motherfucker walk into the den alliance here. So I didn't know what if they were going to poison fucking those saños. I didn't. I still haven't seen a picture of those saños on crutches. That could just be somebody's foot that's broken.

And they kidnapped those saños a fucking week ago to milk this fucking project. Who the fuck knows what's going on? But I had no interest in this. All of a sudden I see a foot on fucking Yahoo and they're looking for an opponent. I thought it was definitely going to be cowboy. Or I don't know that we're going to bring the who's the Australian. They always hire when he goes to Australia. You know, we're talking about one white dude.

I forget what his name is. Oh, no, he's British. Sorry, whatever. There's no Australian guy there. Yeah, Cowboy's the one that made sense. I thought it was cowboy, right? He's from off the camp and he likes those trucks. Yeah, I go, he likes those trucks.

Now, in my mind, I go cowboy would be good, but I go, he'd be perfect because that cowboy is a cowboy has an underrated ground game that he said good on his feet that he doesn't really go to it unless, you know, he's got you all fucked up on on fuck up street. So once I hit Diaz, now the odds I wake up two days later and the odds are out of their mind and I'm looking at this going, are you fucking crazy? This is crazy that this kid, they give him so much. Well, 12 day notice.

Well, you know what? I know this kid's always in shape. He's always doing that fucking G shit. They said he was training for triathlete. And now he was training for a triathlete. So the whole way in my mind, I go, you know what, who just like Aldo and fucking RJ, this guy's going to be Jesus Junior. They're going to fucking walk him down there to fucking get killed.

But then something sparked me. I watched the countdown and they said he had 21 UFC fights. Well, and I said, you know what, that counts for something. That counts for something. And I remember a couple of jujitsu submissions that he had. And I remember his legs and being lanky and maybe having to reach. Then I saw the press conference and he wouldn't pay attention. He kept telling them to fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

And they got into a fuck you match. And I'd still at that point, I'm like, this is a scam. And all of a sudden I get into the MGM grand. And I check into my room and I turn the TV on. And it's a fucking replay of the, the, uh, the way in. I will see Misha Tate. That's where it starts. Misha Tate and Holly Holmes.

And then I watched McGregor and whatever night. Now I see Diaz doing to McGregor. That stands what he did to Aldo. And he left his hand out, but before that, he flinched. Do you remember that? Or after he hit his hand, he flinched. I remember he flinched. McGregor flinched.

And Connor like, you know, went back. He got taken aback a little. And right there I go, ooh, while Rogan's on stage, I'm going to take my fucking little ticket that I won from the under. And I'm going to bet it all on Diaz. Why not? I got nothing to lose, just like him. And that's exactly what I told you Friday afternoon.

I go, he's got nothing to lose. That's a scary person. If you had nothing to lose, he had, right? Twenty one fight is something. Twenty one fight. That means he's gone through a lot of attrition. He has been through some tough spots and he had, he had to. He had to dig deep because early on, you know,

Connor had a good beat on him and Connor was, you know, he was really, really opening them up. He had a gas, he was starting to get bloodied. And, um, but man, the Diaz brothers, they have a lot of heart. They don't need to break them that easily. That's where that experience kicks in. I mean, you guys remember, he went up to 170 a couple of times and it didn't go too well.

Roy McDonald, you always crack the jokes, Joey, that Roy McDonald threw him up in the air so much that the poor kid needed parachutes, you know, that were all those rough landing. And, uh, it's true, you know, and that was made Diaz as a night weight going up to lots of weight. It was too much. Connor McGregor was going from lightweight and he was going up the weight class and, and you know, they had to come to an agreement

to just do it at 170. I'll still call it a 55 pound matchup, but, but still, man, there's something to those 10 pounds with 10, 15 pounds or something to it. But it was crazy. Like just speaking of the Wayans, like, do you see those pictures of McGregor at the Aldo way in versus the pictures of him at this way in? It really makes it seem like the weight cutting is, is, is scary. Like he looks like a skeleton.

It's, it's crazy to look at. And he was 168. I thought he was 158. When I heard 168, I said, that's not bad. He's in the fucking ballpark. I mean, the other kid was 169. So whatever they had a couple of milkshakes, whatever the fuck happened Friday night, I was, that's what made me bet Diaz though, was the flinch at the

way in and it's funny because I did the same stupid shit. I took 150 and I bet whatever. And I took the other $30 and I bet the over. And then I went up to my room, thought about it and came back down and bet another fucking three on fucking what's his name in the middle of the night because I'm a fucking savage dog. I'm telling you, it was like stealing. And I sat there and I didn't say nothing.

I told my wife when I got back and she didn't say a word to me. And I sat there with her and I watched something that was beautiful. I watched something. I watched McGregor come out of his corner and come out swinging like a fucking savage. I loved it. But then my wife was chitchat. She kept saying, look at him.

Diaz is doing the same shit he always does. And all of a sudden it just hit me like a light bulb. George, the fight slowed down. And all of a sudden he played into Diaz. He was getting sucked into Diaz. And even though he was getting Diaz his timing, he was getting sucked into that stupidity, that, that reaching. He was reaching and he was popular and I'm watching this.

And all of a sudden something happened that nobody else caught at the end of the first round and he took him down for like a minute. He took him down and he got back up and I go to my wife. I go, that just changed everything because when he goes in there, that's the first thing Shields is going to tell him to take him to fuck down and start working his magic. So all of a sudden the second round comes and he's punching him in the fucking eye and blood's going everywhere and this is getting great.

I mean, I'm sitting there. I'm about to vomit, but I'm loving it. I'm loving it because he's not going down. You know what I'm saying? He's not going fucking down and neither am I. I see blood usually and I fainted. Now I, I, I, now I gambled and I'm fucking my adrenaline's up and shit. I have my wife eight inches away from me.

I don't want to even close to me and all of a sudden he clocks him with that fucking shot. And Rogan says, and I got no glasses. I can't see none of that, but that's when I get off and I get on my hands and knees and I'm looking at him and he starts popping them, popping them. And all of a sudden it was like a hundred dollar bill falling out of the sky. You ever hear that story of St. Francis of Assisi? They had him in a court and I'm about to fucking give him the death sentence. And all of a sudden a note came through the hole and there was a note from God

saying he was innocent. It was just like that. When he went for Diaz's legs, I said to myself, this guy just shot himself in the fucking head. Yeah, right there. As soon as I saw him go down, I said it's over for him. He just went into the lines that he just shot himself. He just made a big mistake. He's not recovering from this.

And Nate, so fucking long, he didn't get anything. And that's what I told you, the Black Belt Jiu-Jitsu. He should have known better than to go down to the ground. Well, I told you Friday on the phone, I said he's a Black Belt Jiu-Jitsu and not just a regular Black Belt, but he's good, quick, sneaky. And what did he do? He punched him in the head, he lifted his head and he stuck his arm in there. And Rogan said he sliced through him like butter.

Like it was fucking nothing. And that's what I was trying to explain to people on Twitter today that, listen, I'm a fat old 53 year old fuck. I've been going to Jiu-Jitsu for two and a half years and I'm still terrible. But I watch it. I love it. I watch it and I study it. And I got to tell you something.

I'm right there at that fucking moment, whether I'm Dos Sanyos, whether it's Kalabib, whether it's Frankie Edgar, or whether it's Aldo, I know exactly what my strategy is against this guy. Well, he's going to have to get better at Jiu-Jitsu. But they're going to be in three months. Well, because he's not going to, and here's the funny thing that in all the movement and all the videos they show, the UFC shows of them, they show him doing his movement training.

They don't show him with a wrestling guy, wrestling, which he has. They don't show him with a top secret Jiu-Jitsu guy where he does candlestine meetings with an England or wherever he lives, Ireland. They don't show none of that. You know, they were comparing him to Ali the other day. You know, this is what I, what I get angry about that the public doesn't see this, you know, that they compare him to Ali. Why Ali went through a struggle for 20 fucking years.

Do you people even know any of your fucking history? Well, I mean, Conor McGregor, he's a good fighter. He's a great fucking fighter. Right. He's a tremendous fighter. But I think that something got in front of his eyes. That shouldn't be in front of his eyes. Like how he looked, and I could see that to look at, like I told you, when

you saw Rhonda getting up, George, you didn't see a defeated person. You saw a person sitting there thinking to themselves that things they didn't do. It's like when I bombed on that special, when I bombed during the week, when I'm driving up Laurel Kangan, I'm thinking about the shit I didn't do. You know, Con is always doing media. You know, he writes those little things about people. That shit takes a long fucking time. How do I know?

Because I got to get up two hours a day. So when he was attacking Dosanio, not now, I'm a fat old fuck. Back to my point, as soon as I saw how easy Nick Diaz, Nate, whatever his fucking name is, went through him in the ground. What do you think Dosanio's Colby, Tony Ferguson, Aldo and Frank Yeager? Because there it's got to be one of those five necks. Unless Gabe Rudig is making a comeback. Unless Gabe Rudig is making a comeback.

Well, if you notice at the press conference, he did say, all right, I experiment over, I took a risk, it didn't work out. So I'm going to go to 45. No, he was tremendous about it. He took it like a fucking humble. Listen, man, he was professional as a motherfucker. He was a people just don't see what I was saying. Oh, yeah, no, he's straight up gangster.

I got done against kind of a Greg at all. I just don't like how the people are reacting. Like when I was saying that the UFC played a trick. See, if you watch anybody who's watching the fight all over again, watch it closely at the end when they're both standing next to Dean. What's it? What's the black dude's name? The referee?

Herb Dean. When they're both standing next to Herb Dean, the cameras on him. Look at Dana. Yell Nefertiti tonight. Everybody look at the fucking end and look at Dana. Yeah, I'm like, we should have got Gabe Rudiga. I told you, Gabe was available. He's up and Encino teaching kickboxing to kids from three to five.

You know, because listen, who could 170? And then he, you know what I love about Conor McGregor? He admitted it. He goes, my punches weren't working on a 170, but you don't see that till you're in the fucking fight. He didn't see that. So he got into the fucking fight. He saw dollar bills.

You know, they got the poor kid fighting every four fucking months, every three fucking months. Okay. You know, there was a story a year ago, maybe nine months ago, which you guys covered on MMA junkie about GSP. How that last time when he told him he wasn't going to fight, how they treated them, they wouldn't let them go out, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This guy's got a lot on his plate and I could see it in this face

afterward. He told the fucking truth. He told the truth. You know, my punches weren't working. They're too big. I got to go down to 145, but anybody, I didn't, I'm no trainer. I'm no fucking Greg Winkle, John and none of those motherfuckers, but I did see one thing.

I did see one thing, George. I did see that I slow up my fucking thing. I take my anger out of it. See Diaz wasn't angry. Diaz wasn't angry. He didn't, he didn't angry. He called him a cholo. Let's, let's face it.

Diaz is walking around three days a week with a helmet on from time to time because he don't know what's going on. You know what I'm saying? You could tell he smoked so much dope. He's in that gym. He's a fucking sweetheart Diaz. But sometimes you got, even as he walked out of the one interview, they asked him questions.

He just don't want to be bothered. Him or his brother just don't want to be bothered. They don't know. They don't fucking know. So they will put this money in front of this McGregor guy. You know, now they want him to fight again, 200. Like I just said, I know nothing about jujitsu and I know exactly how to fight Conor McGregor next.

One minute, make him go after you and then God forbid you get on top of him and how those good are going on the ground. Frank, the egg is exceptional on the ground. Collar B wrestles fucking bears that are tied up to alligators that are tied up to a fucking gorilla. You know, I don't have to tell you what funk Tony Ferguson will do. So anyway, he turns and those signups is a tremendous black belt. Yeah, no doubt.

He definitely has to put the 55 experiment on hold for a while. He's got a field from holes, holes in the game. He's going to go down to 45 and now at the press conference, uh, and he says more than likely he's going to go after, uh, he's going to get the rematch to Aldo now, you know, Aldo was at the top for a long time. And when champions do defend over and over and they've been dominant, I'm more likely to, to want to back their rematch request. However, Frankie Edwards won five in a row.

Man, this guy's do, but I think McGregor feels like of the two. Edgar brings that wrestling to the table and some really good jujitsu. And Aldo, we know he's a black belt. He just doesn't put it to use much. He's just a striker who may want to strike with, with McGregor. So I think McGregor is really going to push for Aldo and Frankie. Edgar's got to, you know, Frankie, Edgar's got to really, really push this because otherwise he's going to get overlooked.

Uh, they show the picture. It seemed like they promised it to him after he knocked out Mendez. Got to read it, really push it. Otherwise they're going to go with Aldo and, uh, you know, there's no reason to fight Mendez. It's either Aldo or Frankie, Edgar. It's either Aldo or Frankie, Edgar. That's the only way they could go there.

It's so, uh, and Holly home. Again, I don't see Rhonda coming back July 4th weekend. I really don't guys. I don't. Well, if she does, then, uh, you know, well, either way, I think it's her versus Misha next, I don't think Misha has to fight at UFC 100. As long as one of the two, oh, excuse me, uh, lousy or Edgar fights at UFC 100, I think Zufo will be extremely happy, but secretly, or not secretly,

I think Dana White publicly said it, Nadia has became a big name yesterday, man. The way those numbers were trending, supposedly it's going to be a lot of paper view buys and I know Connor is, it is the leading potatoes out of all that. But you need a dance partner and now that dance partner beats the big name. So I think maybe it's going to come out of this really, really nice. That's why those rumors of me BS versus Robbie Lawler. Never know, man. I might be your co-main event to Conor McGregor and Jose Aldo, UFC 100.

I think half hell. The song is going to have to, he's just going to be put on old and, you know, he missed the boat a little bit and he's going to have to get the winner of Tony Ferguson and I'll be number go made off. Now, what are they fighting? They fight on April 16th in Tampa on big Fox. They're the main event. One week before Daniel Carmié and John Jones.

So it was going to have some really, really nice fights. So it's color be Tony Ferguson next. Correct. Holy shit. And then, well, no, even if you want to go before that, uh, you know, if you just want to find them, but the big cards, then yes, that's the next big one. But Brent Meir and Mark Hunt down in Australia. That should be a pretty good one too.

And that's in like two weeks. Okay. And then what else before that? That's it. But then how good then we got Demetrius John, well, I don't know. I don't know the dates off the top of my head, but we have Alistair Overeem versus Andre Arlasky, you, we have Henry Sehudo versus Demetrius Johnson. That's the co-main event underneath.

Yeah. VC versus John Jones. I won 97 versus Roy. There's Luke versus Chris Whiteman and Sabre versus Dominic Cruz. When is Luke from face of fighting Whiteman? Luke, uh, Luke Rockhold and Chris Whiteman fight on June 4th at the forum in Los Angeles. Jesus Christ. That's crazy.

You gotta get to that one, Joey. I think you're gonna win. No, fuck no, no, no. I watched it on TV. I ain't going down there. Fuck no. You going? Yeah.

I think I asked you because it's part of the job, but, uh, I don't mind the forum too much. Got a lot of memories there. You know, that's, that was Laker country for many years doing the magic here. And so I saw a lot of world titles there and they said they renovated it. So I heard they renovated it. I heard they did a really nice job down there. That used to be a fucked up neighborhood though. Fucked up.

I did. Yeah. And I went to see Janet Jackson down there. Maybe they cleaned it up a little bit. Well, they're going to build a football stadium down there. I went to see, uh, I used to go to Hollywood Park down there. The Friday night, a dollar beer, a dollar admission, a dollar hot dog. And a dollar program.

Oh my God. Oh my God. You almost get mugged on the way out to the fucking car. You think I'm kidding you, Lee? I'm not even trying to be cute with you. You would feel like you were going to get mugged. Oh, yeah. That's what Paul used to look like.

I'd be fucking hundreds of people out there just standing there. You'd be fucking, that's a great place to have a fight to form. Completely different than, uh, where the Lakers play. Whatever the state will sound. That's great. I didn't know that. Thank you for enlightening me on that. Yeah, apparently, um, because the, I guess, let me see.

The Kings and the Ducks, they kind of take priority in June and see if they're in the playoffs and apparently both teams are looking like they're going to make it. So it's hard to pin down a date at either Honda Center or Staples. So they had to give the form some love because they had to come strong and come correct and, and start selling some tickets for that. They, you know, they, this hashtag unstoppable where they plan three months of events, that's a big deal for them.

So they had to get something done. Well, how good does 197 look though? Cause then the fight, the third fight is the, uh, our bozo versus Pettis. So that's three, that's going to be three great fights. Uh, you know, that was a really, really good card. It's really, really nice back. You know, listen, and the UFC has tried the homegrown stars.

Pettis had the limelight for a while. Oh wow. That's an amazing hat for a while. Cowboy definitely has the limelight that they've done the best they can. And I understand what you guys are saying. Uh, listen, my beef here, let me tell you where my beef goes to. And I've told you, George, 10,000 times, and I've totally, all I

wanted was for SEVA instead of SEVA, that should have been Frankie at getting him in Boston. And it would have been a different show today. And guys, like everybody said online, well, GSP ricochet from a loss and was world champion for years. That's right. That's right. He would have.

And he would have come back and beat Edgar or whatever. It would have been a, that was my whole beef. I don't like how they're treating Edgar. Edgar's been a great company man for years, you know, but I'm sure he saw the, the fucking, the trilogy with that dude. You know, you have to hit, you have to hit Edgar with a fucking sink. I don't want to fight Frankie. I get either.

But, you know, I feel bad that I felt bad for him. I felt honestly bad for him because I could see in this face that he saw where he made the mistakes that under other situations, maybe he wouldn't have taken it, but the money was in front of him. You know, that was a lot of money they put in front of fucking McGregor's fucking face. I would fight King Kong for that fucking money. I'd fight, you know, I'd fight sons of anarchy with a fucking knife

for that type of money. I don't give a fuck what, you know, so that's my whole beef. I just don't like how. They're just pushing them along and they don't give a fuck, you know, he can't lose his next fight. He can't lose. That's a lot of pressure, guys. And that's, and that's what I'm thinking of.

Go ahead. Frankie is just going to be our guest tomorrow on, on MMA junkie radio. So we're definitely going to see where he, where he stands with his injury and what kind of conversations he may have had. He was in Vegas. He's been in Vegas for a few days and hopefully he's been able to pin these guys down. I mean, it sounds like Connor has to go to 145 now. So if Edgar loses that, that, that, that fight to Jose Aldo, who knows, man,

that guy might go on a killing spree. Well, George, you know, I love you. Tell Frankie, I love him. And thank you as usual for calling in and enlightening us on the MMA world because I don't know, Dick, I just live on hunches and shit. I just watched, I swear to God, George, that like I had a feeling about Diaz. I was still going to take my winnings from December and put them on Diaz. But once I saw the way in, it was when Brogan was on stage, myself, Jamie

and Tony Hinchcliffe walked down there and all bad Diaz. And then he hit the jackpot, the black belt from San Francisco. I know he hit Diaz like a G note flat. And then he hit Diaz and Misha Tate for like a $500 parlay. Jesus. And then he hit somebody else who won because I talked to him last night and he goes, no, no, no. And then I went back and I go, I went back to because you start thinking about it and you love it so much.

I sat there with Tony Hinchcliffe. I said, he's a driven there. God damn it. But they only had two fights at the MGM Grand, you know, on the board. That's it. That's it. They didn't have the full fucking card. Or maybe they had the top five or something. I don't remember right now. I was kind of stone. I ate some stars and shit.

Anyway, I love you, brother. I love your show, too, from your room or from the arena all the way to the sportsbook. I thought I was going to eat at the back. I thought I was going to eat pastrami. No, no, no, I love that little sportsbook. That's a nice walk in there. Let me tell you something. I woke up at seven in the morning to leave.

Now, when I left there in the middle of the night, you know, it was a nice audience. Everybody was walking around. It was back still. It was white people, black people, a lot of Filipinos, you know, some crazy fucking women. When I got up in the morning, I didn't have to get picked up till seven fifteen. It was seven a.m. I got some coffee and I put a 20 in a wheel of fortune.

In fucking five minutes, three black hookers must have hit on me. It's all black after three in the morning in the MGM grant. It is fucking jungle fever in that motherfucker. You see white dudes taking black chicks. You've got to see them in that. And I think they go there for the white dude. I don't know. I don't know. I could be wrong. Listen, I haven't, you know, I can't do a hook.

I'd fucking die right now at this point in my life. That's the biggest travel tip. If you want a black hooker. Oh, my God, I went to a strip club. I almost had a heart attack. Did I tell you, George? I got anxiety. How pussy was three inches in my face? Did you go to Vegas?

No, no, I wouldn't go to a strip club in Vegas right over here right before the holidays. I just wanted to break my little fagginess that I've developed over the years. You know, I'm not like regular guys. Regular guys go to strip clubs and they finger bank chicks and they walk around with stink finger for a week. I don't do that shit.

Dink finger. I don't do that shit. I love you, George. Don't forget MMA junkie every day. It's always a pleasure any time you need me to holler. You know, I love you, brother. I talked to you Friday way before this because I wanted us to do like a little MMA thing for the people, you know, just let them know we're hip.

We're not professional like you guys, we're just hip. You know what I'm saying? That's what's up, man. Guys, thank you very much for the opportunity. I love you, George. Love you too, buddy. Have a great week. Bye, George.

All right, see ya. Let me give some motherfucking shout outs. Some shout outs to Greedy. Greedy Spano's kid. Joey Rookland, my girl paranormal. Juan Nazario. Rodrigo Torres. He's gonna be at the ice house.

St. Patty's there. I might drop up there and see my brother. I've always loved Rodrigo. Please get some tickets. Also prayers for Bob LaLingus' dad, my main man. And I don't know what happened to talking fucking layer. He didn't answer this phone call, he's like, but I still love him and shit.

What, what the fuck you looking at me? Oh, no, we put a bet in. Oh, I know you guys put a bet in. So how much did you bet? We split a $100 bet on Diaz. I should have just driven there on Friday. You should have fucked up, you said you fucked up. You gotta open up an account.

You gotta take that two million, you gotta hit it under your mattress there. Yeah, and do what with it. And open up an account at the MGM. You're a big shot, the fuck. Can you deposit like $150? You can deposit whatever you got in that mattress that they're making, you know, fucking money.

Just a bunch of Jewish spiders laying on it. And a picture grandpa, what's that gonna do for you? Fuck grandpa, you know what I'm saying? What are Jewish spiders? I don't fucking know. I'm just talking to you from the heart of it. I don't fucking know. Take that G that she got in the mattress,

call the MGM grant and see what they need to open up an account for Lisa yet. This is one of your dreams. How are you gonna accomplish it if you're mind fucking yourself? But that's the only time I ever win. I always lose. I would go broke. No, because you only, listen to me,

you bet on what's really in your fucking heart. You think every time, how many UFC's have I got and not put it better? How many times have I gone to Vegas and put 20 in the middle? Yeah, but you're a good sports gambler, I'm terrible. Who's a sport? We used to give our picks. We got killed for 18 weeks in a row.

That's true, we were terrible. The NFL contact list says, stop giving our picks. People that shoot themselves and shit. That's how bad we were. What the fuck are you talking about? I just go on stupid fucking hunches. If I go to the UFC, if I go to 10 things with Rogan in Vegas, I'll bet three of them.

That's how bad I am. I usually put, when I go with you to fucking the South Point, what do we do? We put a fucking 20 in the goddamn machine. Just to make believe. People wanna play fucking computer poker with us. Can we play computer poker? What's wrong with you?

You're in a dog. Go play real poker. You gonna sit with three fat fucks and play computer poker like we're fucking Casino Royale, like with James Bond. The fuck outta here. What's the matter with you, Lee? You hold on to your, why?

What's the matter with you? You're funny. You're why? Cause you're just funny. It's true. It's true. I don't do nothing. People think I want to go to the, I can't,

I put a 20 in that fucking, I also put a 20 in the fucking, the $2 thing. Not the $2, the deuce's wild machine at the airport. Yeah, really? I'm up to like 160 quarters I lost at all. Oh fuck. You know me, dawg. I'm a fucking gambler.

You know, half the time I do a entertainment. I do it because if somebody asked me did you gamble, I don't want to feel like a loser. Like how many times can you go to Vegas and sit in your room and smoke pot and watch a movie and talk to people about USC like a half a fact? That's all I ever did. That's all I ever fucking did.

I wouldn't go to strip clubs. I wouldn't go to clubs. I had breakfast and you know, go to the gym. Who lives like this? People go to Vegas to get venereal diseases and to knock up a fucking black cooker and sniff some assholes and shit like that. I got to get my life together.

I got to hang out with young people or something. Something's going on with me. But then again, I'd love to go out and do all that shit but I can't. I can't drink. I get fucking odd shit. I had a shot of, I had a fucking, I had a whatever the fuck on the way there

and Southwest because I got those business like tickets. You know what I mean? I got one in my wallet. I try to get those to drink. You're turning into like a pimple of Southwest lights. You're drinking on all the Southwest lights. I get one drink. I get my limit.

Like an adult dog. I got a little witless and whiskey never killed nobody. I wouldn't know. I'm not saying you're being drunk. What are you saying? Are you like walking up and down the aisles? Dog, let me tell you something. I get on a fucking plan.

I do an Irish, whatever. What's that, Bailey's? Coffee. No, I do a Bailey's Irish cream on the rocks. I pass out for 30 minutes. It cleans up the sleep apnea. You think I'm a kid, you dog. I'm a lightweight.

I don't fucking drink. I was telling my friend, Jody, I have a fucking doers with club soda, with ginger ale. That's my favorite. Little doers with ginger ale. I'm fucked up, guys. Fucked up. That's why I don't eat edibles on a plane no more.

I just think of doers now. I get fucked up. I see the devil. For the one doers in ginger ale? One doers in ginger ale. That's all I need, dog. It's delicious and nutritious. Fuck, yeah.

I've never been much of a drunk on a plane. I thought, yeah, getting higher planes is not funny either, man. I panicked that one time I did it. That's because you're half a momo. I mean, it's a fun thing if you go prepared. You gotta have the movie. You gotta have the earphones on. You gotta breathe.

Your nose has to be clear. In case you gotta breathe out your nose to focus. Do you ever just lose it? Do you ever just start giggling in somebody's face? Like sometimes when I'm high at a restaurant, I'll just lose it. I lose it on planes. I lost it on planes a couple of times.

I just know how to recover. I just recover real quick. If you start having a nervous breakdown, you eat something. You breathe out of your nose and you look straight. You don't close your eyes. You know what? You look straight ahead and you breathe out of your nose and eventually it goes away.

It calms me to fuck down. Does anyone set you off? Okay, for example, if I'm around Paula, I'm more likely to start giggling if I see her like your wife or Mercy set you off on your high. Sometimes, sometimes I do something I make. I like making myself giggle.

Friday I got a call from an audition guys. Let me tell you how I handle an audition. Just so you know, you get the call, you have an audition tomorrow, we'll send you the sides. They email you the thing, you print them on your computer and then you look at the character. They send you a breakdown of the character. They send you a type of movie, this TV show,

whether it's a single shot, which I don't know none of that shit. They send you what the producers are, who they are, which I don't give a fuck. They send you to the director. Is I always look up to the director and I try to look up one of the writers to see if I know this style, okay?

So that's how I read the fucking thing a couple of times. If I make myself giggle from the first read, we're on to something. Now I read it again, but this time I paint the lines with the magic marker, like my lines. You highlight them? I highlight them, just my lines. Then I read it again, highlight it,

and then I read it again and I start putting the beats in where I'm gonna take a pause, where I'm gonna scratch my ass, where I'm gonna look the other way. You'll write that on the script? A little bit, because I make two sets of copies. Then I go smoke dope and I come back and that's when I add whatever they want. Whether it's drama, I add the drama touch to it

and whether it's funny, I add the comical touch to it. Do you know, no matter how high I was, I couldn't make this fucking sides funny? And there were sides that there was another comic and I'm like, this guy's terrible, but how can I be worse than, like it was just terrible. And you know what, I call the agent the morning I say I can't go on that, because I can't make it funny.

You understand me and he understood. That's crazy. But that's, I like to make myself giggle. That's the point of this. I like making myself giggle. If I can't make myself giggle, it's not where, like I love fucking talking with you early in the morning because we're both giggling.

When I say those stupid jokes, they're fucking giggle funny jokes. Like we were talking about breaking the bank, like we're gonna go deep, we're gonna get some fucking Auschwitz coins from the ones that Jews were hiding in their pockets, you know, shit like that. You know, we fucking, we make ourselves giggle

because he's Jewish, I'm cute. We just make ourselves giggle. That's funny shit. But if something's not funny when you're high like that, a TV show, I don't wanna go on for it. There's always something I can make funny. I couldn't make this funny. Plus I was having a conversation

with three or four different people, which really makes it hard for me. Like I was talking to a couple of attorneys in a convict. I couldn't do it late. But back to the point, I like giggling. Giggling is my world. Giggling is how I stay sane. What about when you're doing a dramatic role?

Do you still try to make it funny? Not at all, not at all. But I wanna connect somewhere in there when it's a dramatic role, as fucking corny as that sounds. You know, when I do good and dramatic roles when somebody's questioning me, if you see me on a cold case or in my PD blue

or something like that, I'm getting fucking questioned. And is it because you can relate to having that happen? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know the beats and I know what to look at. And I know where to put the icewiz in. You know what I'm saying? I'm innocent.

You know, you just know. You have to connect somewhere. As fucking gay as that sounds. Especially, you know, coming from an asshole like me. Somewhere you have to connect to this. Somewhere there's gotta be somewhere, somewhere in your life you cross that energy. You know what I'm saying?

When they're accusing you, something, you know? Is that why actors sometimes will spend time with someone they're portraying? Like just, because like how like, if you're trying to say you have to be connected with something, Will Smith isn't connected with all that stuff. Like the people who do four movies a year,

how do they do it? Like that's, and like four leading roles a year, that must be tough. You know, somewhere for them, there's gotta be something. When you see a movie and Tom Cruise is really fucking good, let's take Collateral. That's one of my favorite Tom Cruise movies with Jamie Foxx. That's a great movie.

He's great in that. Okay, Tom Cruise. Now Tom Cruise is five for four. You can blow him over with your fucking finger, Lee. All right, you can fucking karate kick him with that fucking icewiz foot. And break his little side. You can break his little Scientology, Lee.

He'll be in that fucking building on Vine for two years on the recovery over there, right? Listen to me, Lee, but in that movie, how good was he? How good did he sell it? Oh my God, he was terrifying. Okay, how good did he sell it? Somewhere along the line in that movie.

Now there's a tough guy. He had something to that movie. Because I went to see him in Mission Impossible and he wasn't dick. I don't even remember what Mission Impossible was about this morning. I went to see my wife two months ago. That's the last one?

Yeah, I didn't even see that one. Okay, so I don't even know. But that's how good he was. I don't know what he... But like the first Mission Impossible, he's good. When I went to see him with the movie with Jack Nicholson, he's very good. When he plays the fucking Navy guy,

when he goes to Cuba and Jack Nicholson threatens him and that's way before you tell him, he's connected to that somewhere. Top Gun, fuck that shit. That's fucking ta-ta-ta-ta, that type of shit. But I'm talking about movies, you know? And he's the, oh, the movie with my favorite movie ever with him and the chick when he was married

to the dirty movie where she shows her titties and he goes and gets a cape. The one I talked about in the Rogan podcast. That's one of my favorite movies with him. What's the Crazy Guys in the movie? What's the... It came out in 98 or 2000. Putting Tom Cruise in 98.

Let's look it up. And he's got a great fucking director that took two years to shoot. You know, the wife cheats on him in the movie. He's really fucking good in that. He plays like a doctor or something like that. You know, when you look at those guys in those movies and they play it naturally, they connect.

You know, for a long time I thought a role was, like when you watch Ray Liotta, what is it? All right, so it's Eyes Wide Shot. That's it. Eyes Wide Shot, that's the one with his wife. That movie's a dirty, spooky movie about like an old man's society and they go to this house with masks on

and these girls are naked and they're eating each other out and he sneaks in. It's a fucking crazy. You know, before that one was Jerry Maguire, which is a great movie. That's a great movie. He was very good at that. I like Tom Cruise.

People knock Tom Cruise something he said before. Really made a point tonight with me because it's been, listen, man, if I look you in the face and tell you this doesn't bother me, you're fucking crazy, but I don't know where to start, you know. I don't talk to my family. You know how bad that is, Lee?

Yes, I do. And I don't know where to start. I don't know where to start. Let's never mind my daughter. Let's talk about my uncle, my cousin, my sister in Cuba. It's just so hard having a fucking relationship with my sister on the phone.

You know, it's too much. The language barrier, her Spanish, I try to write what she says, it's just too much. And it's too much information at one time. It's too much, I can't say bad memory. It's just too much, you know what I'm saying? So I limited that, you know, and then my uncle, I just don't, we just don't talk now.

Fuck, it's gotta be 18 months, you know. My cousin, same fucking thing, you know. The boy cousins, I never really was tight with them anyway, but it's just amazing what George made since, I said something to my wife before I went to Vegas Thursday night over at Chit Chatting. And she asked me about Lazaro something, I said, you know, I haven't really thought of him.

How fucking sad is that? You know, and it bothered me, like when I was on the flight to Vegas, I thought about him, like how sad is that, that he once told me, he goes, I talk to you more than I do to all my sons. I used to talk to him, I don't go every night, man. Every night, on the drive, to the gig, on the way back, we chit chat about fucking something.

Nah, nothing, nothing. And I still have the bad feelings from 30 years ago, but at the same way I don't, you know what I'm saying? Like I've justified it in my head, like he gave me a talking to that I needed, we were talking to earlier, he talked to me like I was supposed to get talked to, and I went into it, and I fell apart at the seams.

That's what really happened, to be honest with you. He told me a few things that I didn't need to know, but he told me things to spark my fucking, to get me going. And he had every right to say them, and he was right when he said to me, so. But that doesn't make it any less hurtful. I mean, like that's the thing. Like I said, that action wasn't hurtful.

It's the other shit he did to me, how he made me sleep in an attic, how he told me personal stuff about my family that I didn't need to fucking know. You know, you don't tell this to a fucking disturbed fucking 21 year old kid that's got nothing going on. I mean, it had nothing going on.

You know, whether he knew it or not, whatever he was telling me, wasn't gonna put my mind into fucking hell. Telling me about drugs, and that my DNA and my genes were all about drugs and scamming people that had no future. It was fucking crazy, it was just mind-boggling that you go somewhere for comfort and somebody turns on you.

I could understand if you had done something to him. So you're gonna treat me this way, let me at least do something to you. And that's why I did the, you know, I took the low bridge and tried to rob the fucking dude. And then I took the high bridge 25 years later, I contacted him, and I had a relationship with him for five fucking years, that was perfect.

Couple fucking Yankee games, couple Dodger games, I'm sorry, we went to everywhere in this town for lunch, we went to the steak place, we went to fucking, where he was at the hospital when Mercy was born. You know, listen, all right, you don't wanna talk to me. He was tight with my daughter. I still got a ton of pictures of him and fucking Mercy. Mercy like Lazaro.

So, and George was just saying, you gotta talk to your family, that life is too fucking short, you know, and I just don't know where to start, you know. The situation with my daughter, what do you want me to do? I've reached out 20 times, I don't know where to fucking start anymore, what do you want me to do? So do I walk around wounded?

Do I take one of these fucking helicopters that's flying over our building and taking them to drop me off in Colorado and helicopter up to Aspen and go fucking with us to life? Is that what I do, Lee, and go pedophile for life? You know, I don't know where to start. My cousin got mad at a statement I made for how to go in the kitchen with us and be family.

All that's all I said to her was I said, what, I didn't even know she was there. You were gonna go to somebody's house and you're in the kitchen for an hour and you walk out and somebody's there and you're like, why are you sitting here? Well, I don't like her. Who gives a fuck?

It's Christmas, go in there. That's all I said to her. She doesn't want to talk to me. So do I call her up? Do I apologize, Lee? I mean, what the fuck do I do? And I mean, I don't know, I have a similar situation but for me, I don't want the person in my life anymore

and it just depends on if you want them in your life. You might have to make the decision and just apologize even if you don't think you've done anything wrong. Only it's not wanting them in your life. It's just not having that bad air out there. Just cause you don't talk to them anymore. At least nobody's feelings are hurt.

At least you don't have that bad air out there. You know, that's what I'm going for more. I'm at an age, you know, where I have to look at this shit from a different angle. You know, when I was 25, I think it would fuck if you didn't talk to me. I think I gave a fuck if you didn't talk to me. Now I think about what the issue is.

You know, why aren't we talking? Was it something I did, was it something you did, was it something we both did? That's the important thing you have to think about when it comes to your friends. If they're really your fucking friends, that's the other thing. If they're just Johnny come lately's,

you know, who gives a fuck? You know what I'm saying? I feel you. It's tough. You don't know what the fuck I'm saying. You say, yeah, Nora, look at the shape of you. You're all fucked up. I gave you 200 milligrams and I hit a hash.

And you're already fucked up. A hit of hash. One little hit of hash I gave you. Like 27 hit of hash. One little fucking hit of hash. Do you need the thing? No, I got this one here. Anyway, let me talk to you about some sponsors

and I'll get out of your fucking head. Don't forget, this weekend I'm at the San Jose Improv. That's one of my favorite fucking clubs. You know, what happened was I had to cut it. Your agents, they whore you out guys and they put you in San Jose, Sacramento, San Francisco and anything else up there. And actually, you know, you guys are seeing me

and I'm not writing fast enough. And it just embarrasses me. So I'm trying to go to like the Bay Area twice a year. So don't think that I'm, you know, trying to be Johnny fucking Macho here. It's just that you can't write fast enough. Man, I got a podcast. I got the wife, I got, you know, so it's just tough.

But anyway, I'll be at the San Jose Improv Thursday, Friday and Saturday with my man, Dean Delray. The following week, I'm in Bakersfield. I forget the name of the Tulag or something, Brewing Company. I mean, Bakersfield is no fucking big city. You know, you guys will find that.

I'll drop everything that Joey Diaz.net. Everything's on Joey Diaz.net. And also I'm in Brea the end of March to April Fool's Day and whatever the fuck, the second. So swing on out to Brea. Lee will be down there with me playing the drums as usual. You know, Lee's all fucked up tonight. Vegas was fun, you know, I like going on the road.

I just get fucking tired, Lee. That fucking plane ride killed me. I had to fall asleep for three hours. I went to Barley last night. I don't mind drinking boo. Like, listen, it was weird when they showed me the menu on Southwest. Like, sometimes I go to a comedy club and I go like,

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Who's better than you, Lee? Nobody. So today I went to Jiu-Jitsu and I went back on my little, I wanted to try today. Today it was a little rough. I maybe had a day off on Saturday. We fucked up my cardio and I flew. But I still took the shunt tech.

I took the shunt tech sport. I took the shunt tech immune when I flew. I got back to that. I drank a little hemp protein shake. On it is in my life on a daily. People have been telling me that my color looks good. Everything was good. You know why I've been taking my medication.

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And that's it. That's it and that's that. What else you want from me, Lisa? I would just ask people to go listening to my new podcast with Johnny Rock, Life and Neutral. Beautiful, Life and Neutral. Yes, sir. I bought Life in the fucking Fastland.

Why don't you do that cocksucker? Who wants to be Life and Neutral? No one, that's the whole one of the podcast. That's why I love you. You're fucking everything good with you? Everything's great, man. You're solid, you're looking good. You joined the kettlebell gym full time now.

Yeah, I'm fucking still sore from once. Well, you gotta go tomorrow, 9am, 9.01. You gotta be the hip hop, Magoo and shit. I'll be there at 8.59. How many times you gotta be there this week? Three. I'm gonna try to do three. We'll see if I will, at least two.

And then one over there at the fucking VMAG. Gotta show up over at Steve Young and show him that you still respect the whole little something in his envelope there and shit to keep him alive, you know what I'm saying? Hell yeah. You gotta do three sets of kettlebells this week. You'll fucking look like a fucking skeleton.

Oh, that workout was so fun. By the time they get finished with you, no more tacos. Did he tell you about no more tacos? Who? Fucking the Irishman over there. We haven't talked to the tacos yet. He's gonna talk to you about them this week.

Don't worry about it. Talk to them already. I love you cocksuckers. Have a great fucking week. Remember, it all starts with a fucking dream. Grab your cock. Grab your balls. Let them know who's running things.

It's gonna be a great fucking week, man. I'm looking forward to some big things. Have a great weekly. I'll see you back in the church of what's happening now. We're gonna figure this music fucking thing out. I wanna take you to the next level. All right, I love you guys. See you Wednesday.

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