Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #388 - Matt Baker

Episode Date: June 14, 2016

Matt Baker, Second Degree black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu under Jean Jacques Machado and owner of Bakersfield Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   SeatGeek: Download the FREE SeatGeek app and use promo code CHURCH to get $20 off of your first SeatGeek purchase.   Datsusara: Go to DSgear.com and check out all of their great products, like gi's and rash guards, that are made with high quality hemp textiles. Use code Joey to get 5% off of your order.   Onnit.com: Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 06/13/2016.
  

This show is sponsored by Seed Geek. Seed Geek makes it easier than ever to buy and sell sports and concert tickets. Our listeners get $20 off of their first Seed Geek purchase. This is all you have to do. You download the free Seed Geek app, you go to the settings tab and click on add promo code and the promo code is church and Seed Geek will send you $20 after you've made your first purchase. So download the free Seed Geek app now and enter promo code church today. The show is also brought to you by Datsusara. Go to dsgear.com for extremely high quality functional gear made with hemp textiles. They have bags, geese, rash guards and more. Go to dsgear.com right now and use code word joey to get 5%

off of your order. And go to onit.com and use code word church to save 10% on all their great optimization products like Alphabrain, New Mood, Shroom Tech Immune and Shroom Tech Sport. Oh shit, motherfuckers. It's a beautiful Monday afternoon. Monday, June 13th, the day the devil was buried at sea and stabbed in the neck. Oh, Jay's alive. What are you gonna do? It's the church of what's happening now, bitches. Lee Syat, Matt Baker, BJJ and Uncle Joey here direct on a Monday. Smooth afternoon. Oh, shit.

You can't get by me, copsuckers. You don't know these streets, motherfuckers. What's the story of that, Lee Syat? Whatever these are, these are fucking great. I told you. Oh my god. I can't tell you. You gotta change it up from time to time. Yeah, we do. Roddy's the spice of life, man. It is the spice of life. I went on a Ferris wheel this weekend.

You eat some ziti when you're in the fucking Ferris wheel? You have your little hat with the balloon on and top? Fucking Ferris wheel. There's always a bite away with you, you know that? Why? It was great. It was the Irvine. Unbelievable what I got to deal with the grown man on the fucking Ferris wheel. I'm surprised you didn't bring home a rash or a fucking dead eyebrow. You put the jinks on me at the end of last week. You said I was going to get a sty again.

I got a sty last week. Oh, you did? Yeah, I did something fucked up. It always happens the day of the podcast for me, and you always get it on like the weekends and it's messed up. I don't know where the fuck I got it from. It went away. I put some cat piss on it. Whatever the fuck you're supposed to put on it and back like a doctor.

Omaha, Nebraska was great this weekend. I just want to talk about one thing I want to give my heart out. I know Matt Baker feels the same and Lee to the victims in Orlando, a fucking disaster, a fucking disaster, you know. Do I have the answer? Does Matt have the answer? Does Lee have the answer? We got solutions and but nobody's gonna listen. Nobody gives a fuck. So it really doesn't matter what we give a fuck right now.

The important thing is that the souls get to the right place with Godspeed and that they're blessed and whatever the fuck comes with that into the next world. It's very sad that we live there and not, you know, just the United States of America. We pay taxes. We have the right to bear arms, but I never wanted that. I don't want that.

I don't want that, you know. I don't want to fucking go out like I was when I was 22, with two guns strapped to me for no fucking reason, you know. Like I said, in my world, a gun is a fucking magnet of death. You know, it's just a magnet. When you deal with guns, you bump into people with guns, you know. Next thing you know, you're giving people hugs and they have machine guns on their fucking body and you sit there and go, I can't believe I'm in a fucking room.

Have you ever hugged somebody and you felt a gun on them? Your body freezes, even if you know the person for 20 fucking years. It's weird just to see a gun sometimes. Just to see it on a person. So like I said, yesterday when I landed at the airport at 9 18 in the morning, I got in the cab. And as I was getting in the cab, two guys walked by me in military fashion with two by two fucking rocket launches.

I don't know what type of guns, AR-15. I wish I was an authority. I'm guns, but I'm not. And before I left, I looked to my left and the parking structures. That's what that dog with body armor on, ready to rock. That's the world we got to live in now. Are you fucking kidding me? But we ate the hummus and now we got to deal with what comes with it.

You're following me? I mean, the first time I was really ever exposed to that was Israel because they just have the army everywhere. It's just they're constantly patrolling. And honestly, I felt pretty safe. Like it was never, like I never, it never really freaked me out. Listen, you feel safe. Yeah.

And I get it. I feel safe too when I see two cops and whatever, but not really because fucking Johnny Haddad could come out of a car with a bomb strap and just pull it right in the middle of criminal four. But you know what? I wasn't born to see fucking guns around me. If not, I would have stayed in the van a fucking Cuban had guards around me watching me.

Do you understand me? And I tell you, as kooky as you people think, Alex Jones is, he told me this six years ago, and in 10 years, it's going to be TSA at parks. There's going to be TSA at parks. You're going to have to met metal detectors at parks. You know, my wife and I were talking today about, I tell you what, I would be, I'd be scared right now if I was Las Vegas. Yeah.

They don't have metal detectors at the door, guys. They don't have metal detectors at the fucking door. You know, when I go to Vegas to relax, that's when I want to feel fucking safe. When I got three G's in my pocket, I'm playing black track. Not that I even do that. I don't even play black track. I just know how people get when they go to Vegas. You know, they sit down, they take their money out,

they start drinking for free, a couple of fucking sleeping pills, and you're just having a good time. Whatever turns you on, man. Don't you think they've been like preparing since like 9 11? Like just to me, Vegas seems like a place that would have to be fully, always on alert. Well, that's the city they want to get to. If you talk to like Larry, who's very in on that stuff,

it'll tell you that that's the city they really want to get to because there's a lot of money. There's something that goes through Vegas, something that they would love to shut Vegas's lights out. And let me tell you something, 30 years ago, Vegas was under scrutiny and I don't, I never trusted Vegas. And I have stories to back those things while I never trusted Vegas. But now they really got to be watching.

I'm scared to jerk off in the fucking shower in Vegas. They're watching, dog. You got to assume they're fucking watching. Matt Baker, talk to me, you fucking savage. You two jitsu savage of debt. I'm entertained by this. Like it's just, I can kick back and just listen to you guys. No, when I was in New York, it was very interesting

because they, you know, Rockefeller Center, I was there for a tournament and it was kind of just an eye-opener. They had armed police right there in the middle of Times Square, everything. And great city, but it's kind of a little heartbreaking to the point where you're there to have fun. And there's guys with machine guns walking around. It puts like a fucking certain, like a cat's tail sticks up like a scum. Like it just didn't ruin your night.

Doesn't ruin your night, but you, it stays in the back of your mind. And Jesus Christ, I'm drinking down the block from two guys dressed like they're going to fucking war. You know, two guys just walked past me. From time to time, people fucking inspire me. Sometimes it's music. Sometimes it's a basketball player. Sometimes it's a UFC fighter.

You know, again, I was always baffled with Bruce Lee as a child. And I was there when he was alive. And I used to hear all the talks and I used to go to Chinatown by all the booklets. And I used to talk about this Jikundo shit. And not that it's shit. I'm just saying you used to talk about Jikundo. And for years as a young man, I thought about what it took

to take what you thought was important and sell it. You know, look at things and go, why don't, you know, it's like now in grammar school. Did you guys all use a compass in grammar school? You know, the one that you put the stick in and you spin around? You, did you use, did you use one to create a circle and a circumference of a circle? Use it more for drawing.

Have you ever used the fucking thing again? So if you were going to start a school, the first thing you go is listen, take that compass and shove it up your fucking ass. I don't want those things in my class. Or a protractor. A protractor, all that shit. You know what I'm saying? Like there was just so many things you learned in grammar school

right now that you as an adult would go, what would you do differently? Well, you know, I needed to know more about geography. I needed to know more, know more about English. I needed to know more about, you know, whatever, but fuck social studies or whatever. You know, something that you didn't think was important to you. Everybody has that.

If you talked to anybody with me at comedy, if you said to me, do you think it's necessary for me to go to a comedy school? No, I think it's necessary for you to learn the basics and then get on stage. That's it. Just get on stage. I don't want to know nothing. I don't want to know.

Oh, you've been doing it for two years. Let me see your cell. I don't want to see nothing. I've seen a thousand fucking sets already. All you need to do is get on stage to your fucking eyes pop out. What is that? I have no idea. I've been doing it for 25 years.

My eyes haven't popped out yet. So I don't fucking know. So I meet a guy like you who's interesting to the fucking max because you're well-behaved. You're mild-mannered. There's no fucking tattoos. You're a Christian. You're very sweet.

And you've gotten your black belt under John Jock. When did you join John Jock? When did you become whatever would you get to? What year? Yeah, I trained two years before I went to John Jock's just bumping around, just trying to figure out something to make things work. And it was October of 1996 that I claimed that date.

That date because he used to give out these cards. And I remember getting October of 1996 is you would go in there and they would check it to make sure you were official. So I can claim that particular time. But I think it was actually going there a little bit. I used to drive there and train on Saturdays. And that's probably where I would say was my official machado run. So you've been a 20-year machado.

Yeah. Yeah. John Jock. Yeah, it makes me feel old. No, no, no. Time flies. So, yeah. And when did you open your own school?

Around 2003. It was kind of an accident how it went. But I'm glad it worked out. Was there anybody else in Bakersfield at that time teaching Jiu-Jitsu? I think everybody at that time, they were trying to adopt Jiu-Jitsu. Like a lot of schools were, you know, you would have a karate school that would start a Jiu-Jitsu program. Or a grapple.

They weren't calling it Jiu-Jitsu. They're actually calling it more like grappling. One person renamed his own style of Jiu-Jitsu. And, you know, that was kind of, it was from a different martial art. It was just when it hit and people were like, this is the thing to do. You know, it was, you know, it was how can we make this work? How can we incorporate this in? And, you know, so a solid Jiu-Jitsu school, like what we see today,

there wasn't really any of that going on. You know, there wasn't any good opportunities to train consistently regularly. So I would go to, you know, this guy's house over here or go over there and then try to, oh, over there that, you know, they're doing a little bit of this on Monday. And maybe, you know, sometimes they meet up on Friday. So it was really hard to find adequate training. So the answer was, you know, go to LA, you know, or go to one of the major hub cities, you know, and at the time it was kind of just, you know, it was scaled down to the Bay Area

or Los Angeles area. Unfortunately, Bakersville is not far from Los Angeles. So just through what we drove over the Great Wine, the first place fortunately, the first place that was really, you know, on the radar was Tarzana and John Jackson Tarzana. So at the time, Hegan, not Hegan, Henato. Henato Magno, who's a gentleman that runs street sports now, or the professor, the master of the street sports.

I don't know what he's calling himself, but I would just say Professor Henato Magno. He was actually the first black belt that I was actually getting a lot of instruction. And then John Jack would come in, you know, and he would bounce around because I think they still had the Redondo Beach School. So, you know, keep him busy over there and then going back and forth. And then shortly into the mix, I still remember John Jack's first lesson. And to believe it or not, I'm visualized. I remember what he taught, but I'm thinking he was even teaching it without without a

ghee, not that John Jack teaches in no ghee school or anything like that. But I think it was during the time when he was kind of prepping towards Abu Dhabi. And that's when he had his great moment in Abu Dhabi. You know, shortly after where he got most technical fighter and choked everybody. It's amazing that John Jack's school is like Seattle to my comedy career. Because you guys have yourself, Eddie, Todd and Austin. There's a lot of black belts that I hear about. You know, the cop that hangs out with John.

You know, John Jack has a lot of black belts that have done well on their own, you know, or I don't even know. So it's really weird house with Seattle. When I came from Seattle, it was Brodie Stevens and Josh Wolfe. And a bunch of us came down. There's still a bunch of us that are still here. And it's very, it gives me a sense of pride that I'm affiliated with those guys. Like I had Brodie on last week.

I talked to Josh every fucking day on the phone. You know, it's really weird when you see the growth of you people. Like I remember Eddie saying once to me, I remember Alberto when he was a fucking blue belt, you know, we used to hang out at tournaments, you know, that to me, that's like, wow. I'm like, now Alberto has three fucking stripes. You have a couple of stripes on your butt. Like this to me is like this Sunday, this Saturday. It's my 25th year of doing comedy.

Nothing has bothered me more than this date. Just because it's 25? 50 year, you know, when you turn 50, men have a breakdown. No, when you're 40, you're supposed to have a breakdown. No, you know, you're supposed to have these breakdowns in life. Nothing has affected me. This date on Saturday probably means more to me than anything in the world. And I would have felt the same way if I had nothing going on,

just because I didn't think I was going to do anything with my life. Nevermind 25 fucking years. When you look at your jiu-jitsu career, you got to say 20 fucking years. That means that if I gain 300 more pounds and Matt Baker lets me get on top, you give Matt Baker 15 minutes and he'll figure out a way to choke me. As patient as can be without even breaking the sweat, he'll move, he'll do this. I could even start with both fucking hands on his collar. He'll even give me the first choke and I guarantee Matt Baker could get out of it.

I guarantee you, that's what a black belt is. That's why I bet my money on Nick Diaz that time, Nick Diaz. That was awesome. I respect jiu-jitsu. When I see you in the beginning, I would drop on people. People could just get on top of me. Watch this. And within three minutes, they were fucking choking me with one hand and I would go,

I would just fly. Like I'm breathing heavy and I was on top. I'm having a nervous breakdown and I was on top of you. You look at you, you didn't even break a sweat. Your gi, your gi's a little messed up. What about how your Vasquez putting you in side control? Oh, on the floor at that time. And you're like a hundred pounds heavy of them and you couldn't get up.

I'll try getting out of Matt Baker's side control. I'll give you a fucking five dollars if you get out of Matt Baker's. You think of buildings on top of you. That's what sticking with something is. Sticking with something, guys. It's if Matt Baker, when you walked into John Jock's, the truth. And when you walked out, if, if I came to you as an angel and goes, you will be here in 20 years.

Getting a visual. Would you beat the fuck out of me? Go 20 years, 20 fucking years. Jiu-Jitsu, I ain't that much of a fucking stiff. Would you think that somebody came to you that day and said, you'd be doing this for 20 years, having three successful schools, creating your own world of Jiu-Jitsu through Paris? I mean, you're out there fucking hustling.

You're out there hustling. I look at your videos and I take some. Before I go to Jiu-Jitsu, I put your videos on loud. And as I'm putting my knee pads on and my knee pads. Like the Rocky theme? Yeah. I put your videos on. I'm honored, man.

Thank you. You know, and I take something and I go to like, you know, when you taught me the side control from 11 to two, I forgot about putting my hip against, you know, let me tell you something. If, if I put my fucking side of my ass against your face, listen, it's all over. It's all just, just tap because within three inches, you're going to be sniffing my asshole. You got about, you got about four minutes before that packet deconstructs. Okay.

Well, that's the, that's the other part of the move I was going to tell you. Oh, please. And that hip, that hip side, what, that hip side changes every league. It changes everything. And it's like a rhythmic thing. You're just waiting. It's like you're going fishing. Just breathe and stay on top of the guy.

He's going to go and he's going to try to get you off. And all of a sudden eventually your hand goes through his arm and you got it. Lee, it's like stealing. You didn't even do nothing. And next thing is now part two, next time we work together is picking them on. He picks you up Lee and he puts his pressure on you. He crushes his knees and he pushes that belt against your fucking back. You're like, he's got it, man.

But I can't, I don't have it yet. So next time we work together, we're going to do part two. Hey, I'm going to tell you right now, you nailed it. Actually give yourself credit. Well, the system, your system, that slow movement, constant pressure keeping him thinking. You know, I look at some of your videos that listen, this is, this is genius type shit. This is like you type shit.

You know what, Lee, they can't pass you back if you're not on your back. How do you, how do you not, Lee, he did. Lee, you know what this motherfucker said? They can't pass you God if you're not on your back. Yeah, that's true. What are you supposed to be? On your fucking, on your threes, holding on to his sleeves. So when he goes to pull up to go away from me, you pop, grab his leg.

You drop your hip. He goes down. You got him in a fucking turd. Lee, this is something made for a little, you hit him with the alligator foot. Lee, it's all over. Lee's got alligator feet. Oh really? How excited do you get when he puts up a new video?

Oh my God, he whips him up and listen, Lee, it's just, he pulls your, with fat dudes. He's pulling you up, Lee. He's pulling us up. So he's breathing already. Now you clamp onto his leg like it's a fucking rib. This system was invented for fat dudes. You just clamp on like this, Lee, and you just, you have that foot between his leg, you put it next to his ankle and you go, bam, bam, it's over.

Now, now is when you got to work. You got to get on top and huff and puff a little bit. But if you stick to Matt Baker's system, it's all over. But this shouting for fat dudes and dudes who don't want to fly. Betas unite. You know, he's got a side control bait that Lee, it's like you're next to him about to comb his head. But he don't know you got your thumb in his key. And when he goes up, he opens his leg like a fucking Cosby victim.

You slip your leg out. Boom, you're in fucking mouth, Lee. This shit is fucking simple. I'm retarded. And I'm telling you this from, you know, these people who go to, you don't get these white butts that come to your class and also like, I've never done jiu-jitsu before. And all of a sudden a black belt like, ah, ah, he's got him in an arm buff. He has a freaking blier.

Because if people watch videos, I can't learn like that. He's made videos that I can learn. That's a fucking video. You know, you have like the leg lock 101. I'm not ready for all that shit. Hang on, Lydia. That's too complex for me. I don't even need it.

I don't need it right now. I don't need it. You teach it to me and I know how to avoid it, but I don't need it. And this is what I'm saying people. Sometimes there's people who translate something to the tiniest degree that you go, oh, shit. It was like Pacino in that football movie when he takes the kid out and he goes, listen, it's five o'clock, your mom's calling you for dinner. You got one more play left.

Remember, go to the car and turn. I'm going to throw it to you right by the black catalog. It's that simple. We in life take everything and we make it so complicated from me to Z. Myself included. I'm a stress cast, bro. Well, I think I smoke reeve for any fucking pounds of edibles because my mind is going on fucking day.

He's made a system that is so fucking easy. You know, we work together for 45 minutes. I go home that day. I got a jujitsu magazine in the mail. I bumped into the guy, gave me a free subscription. I open up. There's a picture of you. I'm fucking blown away.

I'm blown away. You know, and then I turn my computer on. I got fucking Periscope. I don't listen. I ain't gonna lie. No, but I don't have Chrome on my computer. I don't know how to turn it on between us. I don't want it on.

Chrome just gets motherfuckers in trouble. You know what I'm saying? You get Chrome, and now you're seeing shit that you're not supposed to see. So I can't catch your Periscope on the computer. I got to catch it on the phone. So sometimes I'm out. I, you know. Well, thank you.

Well, that whole, I'm new to all this Periscope stuff, to be honest with you. It's the future. Yeah. If you're not doing jumping jacks on Periscope and you're a fitness trainer, you're slipping. Yeah. If you're not showing them your little diet in the morning, you're slipping. People want to be involved. People, remember when we were kids?

Jack O'Lane used to come up in the morning at nine, and you do jumping jacks with Jack O'Lane, and the whole country did jack. People will do that again if you give them a good product. If you tell people, listen, at 10 to 11, I'm gonna come on Periscope. Let's do a 45-minute kettlebell workout. You know what? Within a month, people are gonna call you and say, listen, I'm coming to the house with a fucking check, and my retarded kid,

and my fat fucking wife. You're training everybody. There's a combination. Yeah. It's amazing when you give to somebody from your heart. You're giving. When you do those Periscopes with the Mexican hats and fucking marble music in the background.

Oh my gosh, you're like spinach into that. Dog, I'm a fucking cop. You understand me? I'm a criminal. I watch everything. I watch a Periscope. I watch 10 things at once. Can I say why this whole thing started?

Okay. Well, first of all, inspired by you because you are the king of Periscope. Okay. So let's just... Brody Stevens, I come in second. I'm his understudy. Well, I got to say this, man. You inspire a lot of people.

You guys inspire a lot of people. And the whole deal is, I got to admit, I'm catching up to this because I'm in my 40s. I'm going to use that as an excuse. And at that age, you're just trying to stay above water with all the technology stuff coming up. So I started doing the Periscope thing, but the main thing that I wanted was I wanted people to be able to ask me questions and be an answer. And it kind of started off that way. And it got to the point where I had a lot of material to work with, like,

okay, cool, I can answer this. All right, I'll answer that. Because what I want is I want people to have the answer to these concepts because realistically, the videos, most videos, if they're not flashy, they kind of get overlooked. But the whole thing is the simplicity is why it's successful. The things that I'm trying to do is I'm trying to solve the stuff that happens all the time to people. And there's always an answer.

So the whole Periscope thing was intended for people to be able to ask a question and me just route off the answer real quick. And that's what I wanted people to see happen. But, you know, the questions come in a little bit slower and then the jokes go up a little bit higher. So just trying to, you know, someone told me not to be too serious. And then now my daughter's telling me to be a little bit more serious because I'm embarrassing her.

So it almost makes me want to try harder to embarrass her. But maybe. How old are you doing this? My daughter Boomerang, Kylie, is 17 going on. Do they go on Periscope? Are they watching? I put her on Periscope. I have one of the Tragitsugis is actually named after her.

And, you know, so I, you know, have fun with that, like any dad would do. I have a lot of, I put a little hidden, hidden notes and stuff, you know, so sometimes people might be doing a move that's actually named after, you know, one of my kids and they don't realize it, you know, and it's just, it's an inside joke, but it's fun. And the people that know about it, they, you know, they like, oh, you know, You got to assume this is any intelligent person, which you're very intelligent. You have to assume. That your Periscopes, yeah, they inspire a dude like me.

But what you're really doing is there's two guys in South Dakota. They're 160 miles from a fucking Brazilian. Never mind the Jiu-Jitsu school. You know what I'm saying? And if you say I'm going to do Periscope from 830 to 930, these guys will put fucking geese on and get mats in their house and you inspire them like that. You're not doing this for the 300 that you think it's the 20 people that don't have the geese and that comes back to you in spades.

If you tell people, I'm going to be there at nine o'clock after I teach my fucking hour and a half class and get beat up by fucking purple belts and do it on bar 80 times for the 80th fucking time. I'm going to get on here and work with you guys for 30 minutes. You're going to help a lot of people. And it's amazing that eight years from now, you're going to be at a tournament. Some guys are going to go, you know why I learned that? After you see them tap somebody and your heart's going to fucking stop. You're going to go, Jesus.

I learned that on Periscope. Some day UFC fighters are going to get a Sam Ray, Joe Rogan, going to interview them and where'd you learn that crucifix that way? I've seen it from different variations. Are you rushing now? Some fucking professor from Bakersfield, Matt fucking Baker, BJJ rocking the fucking. Yeah. Well, that's, you know, it becomes an art.

Like, you know, going back 20 years, I didn't think it was going to be like this. Yeah. You hit it right on the nail. I just was, you know, and I even had a couple of people say some, it's funny because like one guy was telling me, you know, okay, because I had a good moment in class. This is 20 years ago. Okay.

And then he was, you know, he was one of the guys that was training with me. He goes, okay, you did good, but you know, you're just not ever going to be great at this. You know, you just got to understand that you just, you're too old. And I wasn't even really old back then, you know, but the whole thing, it was kind of something that I was like, okay, you know, I'm just going to be okay. But the whole thing is that, you know, I'm not saying I'm great now. I'm not saying I'm smart. That was the one I was trying to get at.

But what I was basically implying is that 20 years ago, I didn't plan on, you know, things being where they are. And all the fuck does. I'm very thankful. What the fuck does. So, so I didn't even plan on, you know, winning anything or ever having successful moments. But, you know, things have been a bust. You know, it's been things have been really cool and I'm thankful for it.

So, so it's more of an art now. Like now I just, you know, now that I have this fun thing, I'm like, how far can it go? You know, so here we are. And like, because to me, I'm like, I'm like five years in, I guess, to my career. And to think about your five years in your life. So 20 years, you, they had gender or pillow rubbing your feet and shit. I got you out here. You're a new animal.

Who wouldn't want a few foot rubs? But anyways, like eating zillion brownies. He made me brownies, but no walnuts. Really 2000 miles. Nuts ruin brownies. The fuck I eat walnuts. A nice, no plane brownies. Some fucking crazy walnuts.

Walnuts are the worst. 2000 miles. Two ways he comes back with zillion fucking brownies. You understand? Yeah, because that's what I want. You see, and that's what I want. No clams. There's a hundred clams waiting to fucking come to California.

You tell people not to eat hummus. You want me to bring like stinky clams on a plane? No, you get a luggage for 25 bucks. You throw it away. You got a cam out. You got a piece of luggage. You put the clams in there. You put some ice cubes in there.

When fucking the people at the airport open up, like this dude is the real motherfucking deal. They don't know it's in your suitcase. They don't give a fuck. It's just six hours. You get off the plane, we bring them right to the house. We clam break those things. You show up with zillion and Foucage fucking brownies with no nuts on them. You shit.

If some kid lived down the blocks of an allergy, he'd even be upset. Nuts ruin brownies. I'll say that till the end. But I can't really remember what I was going to say. That's just shocking. 15 more years seems crazy. Like, I can't even. You can't fathom it.

That's what nobody, I doubt it. Listen, 25 years ago, I was fucking lost, guys. I had a wife. I had an 18-month-old kid, maybe. I don't know what she was at the time. Maybe 18 months. And I decided to finally get on fucking stage. It took me six fucking months, Matt Baker, of calling and canceling.

I'm sick. My mother died. My grandmother died. My great, it was horrible. I was so scared. Yeah. Was it nerves? Oh, it was everything.

It wasn't nerves. You want me to tell you what it was, thinking back? That I got to be honest with you about one thing. I knew it was going to change my life. There was 8% of me. No, no, no, I'm lying to you. There was 10% of me that I think I was hoping it would change my life. Do you know what I'm saying?

Like, I'm not going to lie to you. So were you scared to do it because you were? Absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. You're comfortable. As human beings, we get comfortable. We come in this fucking zone.

I just came out of prison, you know, the back of my head. I knew about my history, the back of that I knew about. I had no future. I had no future, Matt Baker. I knew what I was. And I was hoping that maybe, maybe, Matt Baker, just maybe this could at least slow me down. If I stop snorting coke eight nights a week and go to three,

if I stop thinking about robbing people, if I stop thinking about going back to New Jersey and quitting this shit and just becoming a criminal, it was just terrible. And I said something to my wife at the time. And a day later, she goes, I gave the baby to my mother that night. So I'll be able to go with you.

We had not been on a date in fucking a year, you know. I was working on a roof in the daytime. And I was, I had just quit my, at night I was working as a doorman at a comedy club. And I got to tell you, Matt Baker, I hated my fucking life. I was doing everything I could. I was trying Buddhism. I made my confirmation.

Who makes that confirmation? I'm in a room every Tuesday night with 10 fucking 10 year olds. Talking about Jesus, like a fucking pervert. All I need is a rain jacket and I get two years. You know what I'm saying? That's all I need. I swear to God, I went back and took CRD study. Catholic youth organization, Tuesday nights,

with a priest and eight fucking kids that were 10, trying to learn that confirmation. There I am a big dope. Sitting at one of the little kid desks? No, no. You went to the church and he would talk from the, from the thing, hope it, and you do the study there, you know. And then Monday nights, I would go to,

not Naropa Institute. I keep saying Naropa. I used to go to Naropa for other things on Saturdays for readings and shit. But on Monday nights, I would go up to the mountains to Chautauqua and they do walking meditation. The stinkiest white people you ever met in your fucking life. Okay.

They hadn't taken a shower, it was in years. But at the time, Matt Baker, that's how lost I was. It's funny because today they were talking about how quick the FBI has a thing now, how long it takes to get. What's the word when you go from zero to 60 and you become a full out radical? There's a word for the transformation. When you radicalize or something like that.

And they were talking about how things have to be happening in your life for something like that to enter and make sense. You know what I'm saying? Like you go through a divorce, your kid don't want to talk to you. You know, your dog got hit by a car, your job put you on part time. You know, you're weak all of a sudden. You're mad at Hillary, all of a sudden you're mad at Donald Trump. And next thing you know, you know, next thing you know,

you're fucking eating in the hummus and some dudes whispering in your ear, I got the answer. You know what I'm saying? And all of a sudden it sticks. And I can't believe that that time at my life, nothing was sticking. God forbid 10 people would have showed up with bazookas and said, let's take over a country because your life's not. I mean, that's how weak I was mentally looking back at that.

And as much as I hate this woman, I thought about how she put me on the spot. She had already made a commitment to give the kid to a mother and she had already made plans. She was excited. So now my balls are held to the wall guy. I couldn't back out now. So at that moment, I fucking ran that Judy Carter book

and I wrote fucking three minutes of material. And I still remember driving down there, what we drove, you know, what I felt like because I knew I was going to walk through a new fucking door. But I didn't want to in a way, you know what I'm saying? Like I didn't want to. And Matt, Matt Woods was the headliner that night. It was an open mic.

I was going to ask you if you still remember like your whole, yeah. Not even close at that time. It was something about Godzilla. I think something stupid about him coming out of the Hudson. I think I'm not even sure at that time if I had developed that. And I went up there for three minutes. And when I got off, I got great applause.

And the owner of the club said I had good presence. And then I had to work at my material. Then Matt Woods came over. He was a Long Island guy. And he was like, keep coming back here. There's something there, you know? And I'm believing there like in shock, like physical fucking, physical, psychological, spiritually, like I had arrived.

Like I got baptized. That was it. Were you worried you were going to bomb? Is that what you were most worried about? Or were you worried that you were going to do well? I was worried I was going to find the answer to all my problems. And while I was there, before I left, some guy got me a gig for five bucks.

Think that guy. And I went and did that gig and did well. And then I was just walking on a cloud. Now I didn't know what to do or how to do it. I just knew what I wanted to do. So I think I went up again in August. I had a Denver Bronco function. But John and I wouldn't show up.

So it was just the other fucking Broncos, some rookies and shit. Up in Greeley. It stunk like debt up there. But the guy got me two gigs. I did that gig. Then I got another gig for like 50 bucks. So it was just really amazing. And then in September was when I cracked.

And my wife said, you should go back to New York and see what you want to do. And I went to New York and I went to do comedy. But I didn't do comedy one time. I did everything but fucking comedy. And I went to the clubs at night and just watched the open mics. And it scared the fuck out of me. I went back to Colorado.

And then as I got to Colorado, the local paper had a contest. A comedy contest. And how can I not go down? People were calling me up, going, hey man, go down. And I'm like, fuck. And I was like, fuck. Do you think it was a mistake to go to New York? So you just stayed in Colorado?

For those two weeks? No, I had not been back to New York for six years. It's really weird how your life works out. I had not been back to New York for six years. I was turned off completely. I didn't want to go back to Jersey. I didn't want to see those people again. But at that point, I was so fucking lost.

I said, let me go back there and walk those streets. I ended up going back, kind of hooking up with my stepfather, seeing my friends. And then I broke dead the news to them. And they kind of laughed at my face. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm going to try to stand up comedy. And they were like, oh, that's great.

Do another line of coke. You know what I'm saying? Like, we were just partying then. And all of a sudden, I dropped it on them. And I went back home in that contest. And I won the first round. I think I won the second round. And then I got my wife.

I went home one afternoon. And my wife had found the loan, Matt Baker, that I took. But I paid real quick. It was to flip a car. And she wanted to get separated. And I was like, Matt Baker, I heard, you know, when you see movies and Jesus shows up, you hear those organs and shit.

It was something like I loved my child. But this was what was in my way the whole time. I knew it. I knew I didn't want to be fucking married. Not to her. There was nothing there. There was nothing there. It was two kids who evolved and became something else

and then realized the same for me for the rest of our lives. But now we got this kid and then whatever happened, happened. But this whole week, I've been struggling with the fact that I don't know why it made me stuck with it. Like, when she left, I was fucking brokenhearted. And I just kept getting on stage. I thought I met girls and I did drugs. But the next thing you know, I was getting calls for gigs, guys.

Not big money gigs, but not like the improv. I mean, fucking debug. Lee, you would giggle at the play. Jimmy Ubeda used to get me fucking gigs everywhere for 40 bucks. Like a bar or something? Like a bar. But I had gotten every Tuesday night for the first year. This is what saved me.

Every Tuesday night, I had to go on stage and come up with new material. That saved me. I had that job for 18 months. That turned me into that kind of, that's like going somewhere two times a week and rolling for an hour with a black belt. You'll get good because there's certain things you got to do in that room.

It's the same fucking customers. It's the same people. It was 1595 and you got a steak and a baked potato and fucking you got a comedy ticket. Same type of people won every week to get the fucking 1595 steak because it was really a $30 dollar steak during the week. So that's a lot of pressure because if you're not coming up with something new, you're going to have it.

Oh, yeah. I remember one time I put on the Madonna Combs way before you even thought in your dad's pants. This is 19. When were you born? 88. Oh, so you were five. Madonna was huge in 92.

But she did one song where she had cones on her titties. Remember that? And I came out with the cone. Please tell me you have a picture because that would be great. Of me and Madonna. No, Madonna, please. Come on.

No, I came out with the cones on my titties. It was just a year. And what saved me was that my friends would come to the show and they would giggle. I knew people. I lived in bold. I went to prison in bold. You know what I'm saying?

So people, I knew motherfuckers though. I went to prison in bold. I did. That's when they locked me up. You want me to lie to you? It's just the things that we stick with. Do people, well, okay. So in the process of writing now,

like this is kind of interesting. So, you know, how do you, how do you come up with material now? I mean, was it observational? Observation. Yeah. You know, I mean, it just kind of, it would seem like the more you're exposed to stuff,

the easier it probably gets, right? Well, you know what, man? You have so many stories. It's just kind of like, okay, the suckier your life is, probably the easier it is to come up with stuff. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you have to humor yourself.

So you look at things from a different perspective. It's like last week, the fucking gorilla. You know, everybody made, you know, I was thinking about that fucking gorilla house. You know what? Look at that gorilla. He ain't a normal gorilla. That's a retarded gorilla.

Like he ain't right. If you have kids and you go to a zoo in the country right now, well, you got fucked up gorillas. I tell you, I'm telling you, I've been telling people on stage. They're awful. China gets the best gorillas. China pays top dollar for gorillas.

15 mil, 20 mil. So they get the best. The reason why these are in danger is because they're retarded. There's not a lot of them left. So that's why they're in danger because we got the retarded fucking apes. So where do they go?

They stick their finger in their ass and sniff it in front of your 10-year-old. How do you explain that to your 10-year-old? They grow shit at each other. Those are retarded gorillas, dog. Gorillas are intelligent. You ever see a lion in a zoo? He's been shot two times.

They got him in his bush. He got flies everywhere. Go to fucking China. Look at the fucking lions in China. They're calmed. They got nice teeth. Everybody's fucking happy. You're crazy.

We get bummy fucking animals. We get bummy fucking animals. Go to the LA Zoo. Go to the LA Zoo. I haven't even been. Oh, first off, it's all uphill. So you got to be Johnny-fucking-shaped to go to the LA Zoo.

You got to be in shape. Or you got to take a train that goes a mile an hour. You rather shoot yourself. And then they play the same fucking song over and over with some dude. You know, he's getting 6.50 an hour. And he's about ready to take that train back to Mexico.

You can tell. You can tell. He's like, I'm taking this train back to Mexico. OK, so he's Mexican? I don't know. He could be anything. I'm just saying. I know.

All right. He could be anything. But it's a fucking... My wife's like, I got to keep my... Yeah, you got to keep your eyes open at the zoo. Because I'll tell you what, I'm not even a terrorist. And there's times I go to the zoo and I'm going to shoot everybody.

I swear to God, the apes still... Because they're all fucked up at the zoo. I went to the zoo in Big Bear. It's all animals that have been rescued. So they're like a three-legged bear. It was crazy. But did you know? This was actually really weird.

China owns all pandas. Even if a panda is born here, China owns it. Yeah, but guess what? Even that panda's fucked up. I guarantee. The pandas we got over here, they're all fucked up. The pandas they got over there are nice. They fucking smell like cotton.

I don't know, Matt Baker. You know what I'm saying? I'm just trying to tell you how it feels. No, well, that was pretty... Yeah, man. So just good perspective, so... No, it's true. Sometimes I look at things

because I know we're getting bullshitted. You gotta assume 70% of the media is bullshitting, you're scaring, you know. Listen, when the report first came out of Orlando, he had called, whatever. And then it got deeper and deeper and deeper. God knows. God knows.

You sit there and you sit there. Yes, I sat there for 45 minutes watching CNN, thinking about people I know and I don't know and situations. I mean, Felipe was there. Right, yeah, he was. Comedy. Joy Filato was there in Orlando at the fucking resort.

I have an aunt who lives there. And Damon's father's there. That's like somebody shooting somebody down a corner like that. I can't eat guys. When a person dies, you could feel that person's spirit in the neighborhood for a couple of days before that person gets buried. That person's not gonna son of a fucking leave.

You could feel it in the air. Something's wrong. My mom died of rain for a few days in Jersey. Cloudy weather, you could feel it. Then the sun comes out and everything moves. Can you imagine what that smells like over there right now with the gunpowder and you could smell the death in the air. If any city doesn't deserve that,

if you've ever been to a land, I mean, listen, it's not Johnny Glam or whatever, but fucking Disneyland. There's kids that have to see all those cops. It's just a horrible fucking disaster, you know, what's going on right now. But it's the world we're violent on this night. There was Tony Bennett.

You got upset? Oh, we haven't been doing something. You fucking slipped in here. This is a perfect Tony Bennett time. I apologize. I don't know what you're thinking. We haven't been doing Tony Bennett. I know.

You've been slipping lately, as I'm saying. You do a star of death. You think about Ziti. Matt Baker is very great to have you out here today. It's a privilege to be here, man. So I. It takes balls. Well, here we go.

Do a little swing and pop. They believe you got the fucking hat on though, baby. I can't wear the hat now. You had two other bodies. Because you're watching. I'm watching. You don't think I watch. You think I'm some fucking Johnny come lately?

I've got to pay attention. Pedro's got another plan. Pedro's got a plan base. No. I like the music in the periscope. One periscope. You told me to turn it down. It sounds good.

No, I have. It's all inspired. It's all for a purpose. You got a good idea. And I know your heart is. So it's like, yeah. What made you come up with that name? Well, the whole.

See, this is the whole deal when. When, you know, back to 20 years ago, never really thought I was going to get anywhere with you. Jiu-jitsu was just something I was hoping to do. And, you know, I had my moments where things were good and things were bad. But the irony is, is it when I had the best moments is when my actual body declined.

And, you know, I had a neck injury. And that neck injury was something that I was kind of encouraged not to do Jiu-jitsu anymore. So it was like, well, I think you should stop, you know, and, you know, that's really not an option when you have a school. There's just no way you're going to, you know, be able to not roll. So concepts that kind of were forced, I just basically was pushed, you know, I think all good things, you know, happened for a reason.

And, you know, it was one of these things where my neck was giving me a lot of problems and it was forcing me basically went, you know, to use my brain more. So a lot of concepts I started using basically to get by for, you know, the lack of ability of being physical. So, I mean, I've never been a natural athlete. I would never say, like I was, you know, all the years of Jiu-jitsu, no one ever said that I was strong or I was, you know, very, you know, athletic or whatever. So not that I was ever physical, but, you know, the better moments where I actually was healthy

and I wasn't in better shape, you know, I would have some wins, some losses. And then, you know, every once in a while things were, you know, there was some good moments. But then what ended up happening was, you know, you got to the point where I really couldn't even do a push-up because this neck was bothering me, which, you know, the same thing like Chris Whiting, when he's going through, you know, his, so I guess he's got to get surgery. Yeah, that's right. It's a pretty common thing because, you know, wrestlers, you know, they're pushing with their

neck and I would say I was actually probably being more physical in my earlier ways of playing Jiu-jitsu. But being forced to rearrange your movement, it actually opened up a whole new perspective as far as, and to be honest with you, it wasn't like all of a sudden at once. It was like, accumulatively, probably over the last five, maybe even, I think, you know, it's been a while, but years I was like, I remember when I used to do this, and this was easier for me and I didn't really, you know, I didn't really have a bad moment. I was playing this way and then, and then I had another season, you know, because you have these moments where things are going well for you and then things are going bad. And it really,

what it boils down to is it's trial and error. It's a situation where you're, you know, every time you're bowling, you're basically, if you're playing correctly, you're seeing what works and what doesn't work. And, you know, when my body failed, my brain was kind of forced to kick in, and then that's where these concepts came in that, you know, I said, well, this isn't really something that's physical. It's not really something that's, that I'm going to have to go lift weights to do. And slowly, but surely, I started getting encouragement from some close people and friends and everything. And, you know, we have a certain way that we're doing stuff that's, it's kind of different. So that's where this kinesiology based movement and ways of playing,

you know, came about. So you start getting all these, all this information. And, you know, and I also ref too, I've been reffing for a while. That's what I was going to ask you, that there's a picture of you reffing. And that's another reason why I know you're not fucking around because you're looking at it from more perspectives. I know you're reffing, look at that guy putting it like that. Oh, shit. Yeah. And you want to even yell, take that I'm dead. No, I, I've actually done that. Like, you know, at these events, I mean, like, you know what? And because sometimes your heart goes out to these people because they're, they're so good at jujitsu. Like some people are, you know, if you want to be, you know,

if you want to be amazed by, by jujitsu, watch, watch juveniles, watch, watch kids because you get a kid that's been training since he's, you know, he's 12 years old, he's been trained since he's five. That's seven years, seven years of a heart that won't stop. No physical, you know, they are flexible. I mean, they don't have no physical hangups. They're not sore. They go constantly. And then when they start doing moves, you know, they, they move, some of them move so efficiently. It's like they are more entertaining than adults. I mean, that's, that's a very, you know, I'm not the first person that said that, but I was reffing at a tournament yesterday all day. It's all amazing matches. I'm like, goodness. So sometimes you see people do

amazing jujitsu and still lose. But the reason why is not because of, you know, the skill issues because their approach, because they move too much, they, they didn't position themselves. They were going from one thing to another to another to another. And realistically, when it comes right onto it, you know, sometimes the best thing is not to move. The best thing is just to chill out. You have a position. Don't do one thing if it's not going to just be for you. If you're moving, but it gives them a chance, then that's kind of the biggest thing with jujitsu. Like, you know, I, I basically have a lot of moves that somewhat are simple, but the whole purpose of, I mean, when you, when you have someone in 11 and two, you know, do you, do they,

what opportunities are you giving them? You know, I mean, we went, that's, you know, we went over that and we just briefly went over that. I've had lighter guys tap down just from the 11 to two. If I do it correctly, if they're moving a lot, it's so weird how sometimes you go to a class and you have an answer and I put you on and you just gave me the answer. One day I left and I didn't do something right. And it was that I didn't hold the power with the hand. And then I watched that tape and I went to class the next day and I got into 11 to two and I shifted my hip and as soon as I shifted my hip, Lee, he put his hand up the push. Boom, I trapped it. Now I had to pull him up. Now I trapped it and I settled there. And now I got

like a state. I stayed there and I settled. I didn't go to pull the arm or pick him up. I picked one leg up slowly. That's the point I'm getting at. It's like, what would happen if, if you picked up the arm and threw your leg over the head and then went back for the, fell back from the arm without a given him a window to maybe get out? Absolutely. That's the whole point. So I look at the whole thing. Once I grab your arm, I'm so excited. I'm huffing and puffing myself into anxiety. Do you understand? And that's what you learn. You learn to calm yourself down, get a good grip on it, get your hands all right. And this is what I'm applying to comedy. I can't stress it enough. I am, every time I go somewhere on a weekend, listen, this week I went to Omaha.

Friday, first show, I was men's. Friday, second show, I was a little better. Saturday, first show, I was really good. But Friday, a Saturday, second show, it was fucking different level, different fucking level comedy. And I didn't like the weekend. I knew I was going to have a problem on Friday because I didn't get up on stage on Thursday. Didn't have a Thursday. If I would have gone on stage Thursday, I would have done an hour, loosened up, see what parameters I could push and then take it from there. My point being that Saturday night, I was doing jiu-jitsu on stage. It was really weird. I kept catching myself in different situations, but I was breathing my way out of them. And once you, you know,

you read all these things about if you control your relaxation, you control your fear. Fuck it, hey, you do. Fuck it, hey, you do. And Dr. Belize is coming back in a few weeks, like in two or three weeks, I'm trying to nail it down. She's coming, but she wants to come back on about acid reflux. It was so weird doing her thing. She was talking about if you just shut your mouth and relax your jaw and breathe out of your nose, automatically loads your blood pressure and something else. She was saying that's fucking amazing. Yeah, fucking amazing. And when somebody, my size is laying on you, that's all you got to do is breathe it out a little bit, wait till I go for an arm, wait for me to make a mistake. Basically, you know,

you're not going to move me. You're just going to burn yourself. I'm moving you might get a little better position, but by that time, you're huffing and puffing. I'm just laying on you even more in side control, you know. See, these, those types of concepts, though, they don't happen on accident. It's like observation, experience, like, see, the whole true jitsu, I don't even, you know, the funny thing is, I still have a hard time explaining if it's a system or, you know, what, and that's a whole deal. It's your art. Yeah. It's the art that you made to work for you. And you know what? Some kid who's 22 might go to your school. He'll love you, Professor Bader, but he wants to do flying fucking baron ballos. And I know in some of your, like in the 101

leg lock, you go into a z-guard. I'm large once you go into a z-guard and stuff like that. You know, I'm 25 years old. I'm six foot one, 185. I got aspirations, but I'm not telling you. Yeah. And you get those guys, they have aspirations, but I'm not telling you when I walk in here for the first time. I'm just an office guy. You know, I'm just bumbling along like meanwhile, I'm jerking off every time he sees Randy Couture. So he comes in. No, it's the truth. Hey, listen, man, I was jerking off when I'd see Eddie Murphy was coming to town. It's the same concept. I went to see Jerry Seinfeld and you come in and next thing, you know, maybe, Professor, he wants to do baron ballos and more X-guards and more flying through the fucking air. And he's going to last

six months because he's going to take something from what you learned, but he wants to go to something like that. Everybody has a different style. Everybody has a different style. You know, when you're a kid, you take shodokan, you take ishinryu, you take gushinryu, you take Russianryu, you take Okinawa, you take, you know what? At the end of the fucking week, you're doing the same punches and the same fucking kicks. But what you're learning is what that guy learned from his 20 years of experience. And he cut the fat out of a lot of shit because he knows what the percentage rate is. The first time you and I spoke, you spoke about something that you talked to me. I'm a basketball player. Listen, a dunk is 100%

move. When I'm a team, I'm in Africa looking for seven foot eight dudes. Listen, come here. All I want you to do is get the ball and slam it, okay? I'm going to give you 20 million a year. You can get the whole family over. No more shooting people for milk. No skyhooks. Okay? No more nothing. We're going to fucking do this right. I just know skyhooks. I just want you to take the ball and whoever's in front of you, I want you to slam it like they're coming to shoot your family for diamonds. Okay? That's it. This is fucking it. So that's what you when you spoke to me that morning about percentage, I go, Oh, this fucking guy is coming at me from my language. Well, I'd see the whole thing is I want people that are on. Look, one guy came up, one of my buddies, Justin, one

of the students, he trained partners, I'm going to call him. He said betas unite. And it was so funny because the concepts of jujitsu, you know, they're good for everybody. I mean, if you're an athlete, so be it. You know, but what I don't want people to feel is that they have to do CrossFit, or they have to lift weights, or they have to do a bunch of athletic, you know, athletic training to be good at jujitsu, because there is a way to move that negates all of the strength and all the athleticism of somebody. And I'm laughing, Professor, not laughing. I'm laughing because I tell you why, Professor. Okay. So tomorrow, I'm sorry about kettlebells. I sent a lisa yet to you tomorrow. Okay. I want you to look at Lisa. At least I had wrestled in high school. You look at Lisa.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You still did the drills and you still threw your little fucking alligator feet over people and shit. You climbed on them like this is fucking the wall, wall kingdom. Well, my point is Lisa is that I used to roll with Lee just to breathe. Okay. If Lee takes you down on a take down and by mistake, because this kid wouldn't hurt himself. He lands with that fucking little Auschwitz shoulder is. I think they threw these Jews on their shoulders and their shoulders got strong over civilization. When this motherfucker lands on you, Lee, how many times that tap when you land on me, dog, he's a bull. His shoulder would go into your solar plexus and you see saints and shit. Okay. So when you see this kid,

okay, now look at him. Lee's a strong kid, but look, I love you to death in that bank. But if you're going to spend hours teaching him a reverse choke, his fucking legs, he got the legs of a fucking fidget. He's not going nowhere. He can't even wrap his legs around nobody. So let's teach him to move. Like Bruce Lee said, what's the easiest thing for him? Take the dude down, shove that shoulder with his thing, spin him around, grab that low arm and come or just put them in the corner. Yeah. For a month you teach him how to choke, but you're wasting your time. His percentage of getting that choke with his legs before the guy grabs that alligator foot and panics and taps is fucking quick. Okay. If he grabs you from the back,

he will pop your head off your shoulders. Lee's a strong motherfucker. He's young. When he grab you by the gear and shit, just manhandle you. But I have T-Rex arms. I can't choke anybody. No, no, no, no, but those arms are jujitsu perfect. Ain't nobody arm barring you. They got to bring stilts to fucking arm bar you unless they got an extension. Ain't nobody arm barring you. So that's a nightmare. The only thing they could do is Camoria. Good luck. Good luck if you hold on to that little Camora arm. Look at it. Your arm is anti jujitsu. They can't grab. Look at those things. So Lee has strengths and that's the beauty of jujitsu. Lee's not going to choke you out with that, but Lee's going to get two moves. And you know what, Lee, you're going to win the world's

with those two moves. I like Neon Belly. Oh yeah. You're Neon Belly with that little knee too. I don't know what they did over there, but they toughen those joints up over DNA. I don't know what they did. You bad motherfucker, you. But it's so weird that that's what you've created. You've created a system that's very one, two, three. And if you do this just like this, this is going to happen eventually. Yeah. Well, going back to the young kid that wants to do the fancier moves, there's a lot of training partners that I have that they do that, but simplicity is where you're going to find your success. And part of the problem with the modern jujitsu game is it's based on your grips. You know, your arm, it's like a chain. So this is

one link. Your elbow is the other link. Your fingers are the, you know, the smallest links. So, you know, let's just break it down into a science. If you had to carry something really heavy, what part of the chain is going to fail you? So why play a game against an athlete that is amazing, that's going to be relying on the smallest part, the smallest links of the chain. So, you know, and that's kind of a simple thing that I, you know, with a lot of people that play that, that's what I just try to tell them. You know, so that's going to be, so if you're going to play that game, you got to know when to cut and run, when it's not working. Quit doing the same thing when the person's moving too much. First of all, when they're standing up, they have

a lot of mobility. You know, guard players have the advantage because they have four limbs pointed up as opposed to someone on top who just has two that, you know, realistically, you're not even supposed to be reaching. So that's the reason why jiu-jitsu has turned into a guard player's game, because there's so many guard concepts. But at the same time, you know, they, there was a meme that just came out. Someone put it out with a, the jaws eating the guy when he's on a boat. Did you see that one? No. Yeah. And it was, it was basically, I saw that. Yeah. When playing open guard goes wrong. But realistically, there's so many dynamics when you play open guard, when you play these, you know, so, so true jitsu has concepts that, you know, what I was going to say is a couple of

those flashing moves that I put, I'm actually, there's going to be a two-part process. I showed, you know, a leg lock recently called the 661, but, you know, a lot of people, kindly, they, the one on one is beautiful. Yeah. The one on one simple. Yeah. And you're not giving, normally, that would be a bad move. See, because that one of the biggest traits of true jitsu is every move that you do counts for you, not them. And if, if you're doing a move that gives them an opportunity, then that's not a true move. And, you know, and that's, that's one of the things that I, you know, that's the reason why things are scaled down to simplicity. That's the reason why it's mostly the most important position for you to get is taking someone's back. So the deeper, you know,

someone goes into this, these traditional concepts, that's generally where, where I'm going to take them. I'm going to say, you know, this is where we want to be. We want to take someone's back, or we want to come more of them. But right after the kamorak is the backtake, that would be the next phase of where, where, where that, Joe, if we end up keeping, if we end up in back in that situation again, that's the next thing we're going over is how to take the back. And in a jiu-jitsu magazine, actually, that was one of the other techniques on, on from that move that, you know, we went over. But what I want people to understand is it, it's not based on, on strength or athleticism, just like the 11 and two position, you know, that, you know, that we have from there, you don't

have to be strong. Lee could do it. Not the, Lee, I promise you, you would find success with it. And I think he would, you know, I'm telling you, yeah, so it's changed completely. I'm not, I'm not focusing on his hip anymore. That's the big difference. So once I pass that hip, I don't see it again. I'm not focused on him. It's a lot harder for him to retain his guard. He's got to go 138 fucking degrees compared to six degrees. It's not going to happen. The match should end with either you keeping him there or you tapping him. And if I get his head looking the other way with this side of my gut, it slides out. He's stuck there for a couple of minutes, unless he's a high level blue belt.

I've been thrown to the other way not yet, but I've struggled with them. They've gained position some way or outlasted me or whatever. But that's kind of, we need the next chapter. Because I mean, we only went over one page of it. Yeah, not even, not even. I know you've got 29 fucking pages. I just didn't want to saturate with you, like, you know, these video clips, like that figured, I didn't, you know, I need to handle that stuff really. There's only so much I can see on these videos that I'm putting out, to be honest with you, I'm not putting out like they're, most of them are a minute and a half because I've done longer

videos in the past with the other projects I've done. And people, they kind of lose, they lose their attention when it's three minutes long. It's like, ah, you know, it's too much. But when I do little snippets, I'm trying to build a, you know, I'm trying to take them down a road that will build up and, you know, a game for them. And, you know, the thing is, is it just like with 11 and two, you know, there's a lot of positions from guard that are the same, you know, like they're just is, is iron clad, not, they're not going to get out, you know, once you have them here. And that's a whole deal. Once you have them there, then it's like, okay, don't move a bunch. Just, but you want, as you want someone, when you approach them and when you roll with them,

as soon as you make contact, you connect and that's just it. Like the, they're already in trouble. You talked this thing on one of the videos where even if they sweep you, you have disconnected. Disconnected. Yeah, see, because, because a lot of, you know, yeah, there's, connection is not, people are starting to get that more, but there's also disconnection. And, and, you know, in the whole, the whole Jiu Jitsu library of things, it's not about any one particular thing. It's, it's, it's about all of them, you know, to, you know, connection, disconnection, framing, you know, course pressure, course leverage, all, it's all of the elements that you hear about Jiu Jitsu, because there's, there's many things that you do in the game.

That's the beauty of Jiu Jitsu. It's so dynamic, but you got to know when to do them at the right time, because that's where, that's where a lot of these, these, these people lose matches. And, and, and I've, like I was saying earlier, I've actually, you know, like talk to someone, you know, and matches, then I go, man, you know what, you're awesome. Please don't stop. You know, because they're like heartbroken, because you can tell they worked so hard. They put their life on hold for two months for this tournament, and then they still came up short. And it was like, you know what, you are so good. You're, you're actually better than the other guy, but you just did too much. You should have stopped right there. You, you, you know,

you went to your mom and dad, you asked for $20. They said yes. So then you kicked it up to 50. And now they said, I forget it. You're not getting nothing. That's what you did. You just, you just took it a little too far. Less is more. And, you know, you know, like I said earlier, it's like, you know, I think if I didn't have that, you know, this hiccup with my neck, which I've managed to figure out more now, I probably would still be trying to like crush people and slam people and, you know, force, force moves. So it was a blessing. Like when Bruce Lee in the movie, I don't, you know, the movie, they fucking made that story up. He was in the hospital crippled, and he wrote the book upside down and shit. Well, that's what you did. You, you took the

bad situation and you turned it into something good, which a lot of people, some people give up, some people turn it to something else. That's the impressive thing. And you came up with that. No, no, no, you know, I watch your videos. And it's so weird how for the last two years, my secret hobby is watching Jiu-Jitsu videos. I go from watching matches, you know, I like Haji Grace. He's matches against the guy up and not Romulo. And I like, that's one of my favorite matches because it really taught me the real spirit of Jiu-Jitsu. It's very slow and it's a pressure game. And before I lose this fucking weight, you got to use this weight and after you do Jiu-Jitsu 10 years, a guy that weighs 120 should weigh 200 on you if he's doing the

right fucking thing. You know, I watched the Henry Atkins tape. Last week, he talks about a pressure game or something like that. The lady, Dr. Belize, sent me one of his videos. He goes, look at this pressure game thing. Everybody has a different art. I'm impressed with it. I'm impressed with, I look at you guys and I try to connect comedy to that, like how you're holding our attention through Jiu-Jitsu. You know how hard that is for some people to actually watch somebody teach a move? There's a thousand armbars. Type in armbar on YouTube. There's got to be 2,000 fucking pages of armbars and your videos stick out because you've broken down to a layman term. Like my guy, I don't know what they're talking about with wrestling. I have no idea.

531,000 videos. On the armbar. What does that tell you? What does that tell you about this fucking art? Let's pretend some of them are doubles. Oh yeah, and some of them are like... Let's pretend some of them are triplets. Everyone at least is like a crazy girl. Let's give it a low number. Let's say a hundred thousand variations. There's a thousand white, Chinese, Brazilians, Martians, people translating their armbar. Well, the hidden art of this game that we're talking about is to do stuff that people don't understand, that they don't see. The Jiu-Jitsu stuff, do you think that I could have...

If I hadn't grabbed and showed you the move or kind of positioned it, do you think you would have caught on to it without feeling it? No. That's the thing. It's so hard to translate stuff on video. That's the other thing that I notice. It's like I'm putting videos out that one, may not be the flashiest, so may get overlooked, but I think the people that are maybe paying attention to it are the ones that are wanting results. They're wanting results and they're wanting to get past problems that they're running into that realistically, I've been there. Listen, let me ask you something. When you talk about percentage, okay, percentage Jiu-Jitsu, so we can break this down for people at home,

what's the best submission of the year this year? There's been two. One of them has been Naked Diaz, and what's the other one? Holly Holmes got submitted? It's an RNC. That's where everything should be going. The rear naked choke, it went back to the Jiu-Jitsu 101. Well, the three most famous performances that I use as an example, and I hate the name drop, but the whole thing is, so when I'm talking to my students, that's what I tell them. If you're not going to listen to me, and that's fine, because every once in a while you'll see younger guys, it's just kind of like, oh gosh, should we go back to the back takes? And I go, look it, what was that? What was the most iconic person in Jiu-Jitsu? What's his main thing he does? Well, what do

you see Hickson do? A lot of pitches have been taken aback. Whenever John Jack had his greatest performance, what was he doing? Abu Dhabi, what did he do? What's his iconic pitcher? I always taken someone's back. And then that young kid that now is considered pound for pound the best in the world, what was he doing? What did he do in Abu Dhabi? And then you have people that are like, well, you know, ghee, no ghee, what works? You take someone's back and you choke them. And that's Marcelo Garcia was a third one. So these, you know, so that's the whole deal, you know, like, but realistically, it's not going to be, it's not something that has to be complicated. And the more complicated you make it, the more physical you make it. So look at Lee, he's on

Planet Jiu Jitsu right now. Look at him. He hasn't been that high in fucking weeks. Yeah. No, I'm good. It's, I was wondering what all your like most common questions are that people get because like when I started Jiu Jitsu, even though I had those small wrestling background, I really had no knowledge at all. So I would have had a thousand questions. So we're like, what do you get most questions about? Usually you had to get out of submissions, how to get out of like bad positions, like I'm stuck in a mountain or how do you get out of guillotine? How do you, you know what? So I think because when people first start training, you know, they feel frustrated in a sense of they're getting beat up a lot. But, you know, there's

certain simple things that you can do that realistically they negate everything that, you know, you're having to deal with. So whenever you, if you're in someone's guard, probably one of the simplest things to do is never put your hands above their belt line. Because if your hands aren't above their belt, then you're out of range of their attacks. Like all the submissions that people do, it's from things that are in front of someone. Like if you are looking at someone, you're in their garden, you know, and, you know, when you, you put your hands on the belt, that's going to keep your posture away to the point where they can't reach your neck enough to choke it. So a lot of people go for like the arms

or the underhooks. You're saying that's a mistake. Well, if you're the top, like, you know, I think what happens is a lot of people, you know, when they first start in Jiu-Jitsu, you know, they end up in someone's guard, in someone's guard, and the person arm bars them, their triangles them or cross chokes them, you know, or does all those things. But all of those things that they run into, all of those attacks, they're only happening because they're in, they're in what we call the strike zone. Okay. So the strike zone is the area from the person's belt to their, their chest. And if you put your hands anywhere in that area, then you are in target range for them to attack your neck or, or pull your arm across and go for the arm or pull one over and

go for a triangle. So, you know, that, that's like one concept, just simple strike zone, strike zone, and that negates all the attacks that, that everyone could, can do from your guard. The other thing is, you know, the positioning of your arms, we have your arms framed, but if someone does a strike zone, and then if that fails, they, they frame their arms, then, you know, they're not getting caught. It's just the, the percentage rate of, of all the submissions drop down to 10, 10%. So in a matter of fact, most of the time the, when the person's going for the submission, they open up their guard and that gives the person an opportunity to go for a pass. So that's the other thing you, you not only want to shut down

and negate their opportunities to attack, but you want every attack that they do to be an opportunity for you to pass their guard. Cause when the legs are apart, the guard is open, the windows are open. The only thing is that people, they maybe just don't get how their arm is, because if I go underneath, underneath one of your legs, but I leave my arm outreaching or it's slow, and the person's going to pull my arm and I'm back in trouble again. So the simple fundamentals of Trajitsu, you know, they negate so many things. I look at it like this, if you have a bunch of blocks and you stack them up, you know, I'm not trying to knock all the, you know, I want to get the one at the bottom and pull that one. And then all the other ones fall on its own.

So, you know, from, from being in bad situations at tournaments and, you know, and, you know, I'll admit it, I've been put to sleep, you know, in front of 20 students and I learned, I learned how Crossstroke works on that. Listen, if you don't get put to sleep, you can't put people to sleep. That's what people, you know, I put athletes on here before fighters, you know, and I like all of them, but I'm very intrigued with Jujitsu and the, what are those people that fucking the translation of Jujitsu? It's either you, Eddie Bravo, Marcelo Garcia, and for a guy like me that I would never believe I'd walk into a Jujitsu place because I hate feet and I hate the smell of rotten ass and all that

shit and people sweating on me. I don't even like broad sweating on me. The only sweat I mean, I want on me a monkey sweat. That's it. Not no other sweat. Do I want an Uncle Joey, but something about it intrigued me. And I, and the reason why I have high level Jujitsu guys on the show is because, you know, it showed me so many of my weaknesses at an age when I didn't know I had these weaknesses in so many levels, in so many levels, mentally, physically, and it made me work harder. It made me drink more water. It made me make up this morning. I had a meeting. I skipped breakfast. I had a protein smoothie with fucking fruit with almond milk. And then I went to my meeting. Usually I would have eggs at the house and bacon. Yeah, you make that almond milk proteins.

It tastes like ass. If you want me to sit here and tell you every day is like I'm shooting fucking dice. I don't know what I'm doing. Some days. You sell it so good. If you put the fresh fruit in, it tastes like ass. Yeah. If you put the fresh fruit in and you put the ice cream in and you smell the blend, you're like, Jesus Christ, what are they putting in these fucking raspberries and bananas? So you got to mix it up a little bit. I take a couple CBD drops in my tongue to strengthen my bones. You know, I take a little baby aspirin to get my heart going. These are all the things I was not doing before. It's a 50 year old. I was not looking at these little things. It opened up a world of weaknesses for me that I had to conquer for me to even make it to 60, which is breathing,

breathing, anxiety and the world we live in today, brother. What if, what if, what if two ton Tony Uncle Joey Diaz after not washing his ass after snorting coke for fucking four weeks jumps you from the bushes and gets on top of you and you don't even know what's going on in today's world. Everything that's going into your fucking psyche. You know, if you, if you know how to breathe and you lay on the floor and breathe it out and know that he doesn't have a knife, you have control of his leg, something, something to give you a little security leave. We had a discussion yesterday. What did you tell me? What did you tell me you were doing this week? Looking at the gun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, every American this morning woke up and

reevaluated reevaluated his life. What weapon they should get to me between you and me. I would walk into a jujitsu school today and reevaluate that weapon because that's going to be the most important weapon. You know what? If it's not jujitsu, if you don't want to lay on the floor with fat dudes, walk into karate school, walk into a fucking anything, any type of martial art that'll teach you when you hear that bullet to drop to the floor, breathe, hold on to your loved one, and maybe you'll get you out of that situation. Because I hope it doesn't keep happening. I hope it doesn't happen here at home, but as a smart American, you have to assume it could happen at any time. You have to be

unprepared now, guys. They almost had an incident, right? Yeah. Just this kid came in from damn. Some 20 year old confused looking to suck dick with a fucking grenade. You know what I'm saying? He was looking to walk into a temple and say, take my asshole. I'll give you all the weapons that were fucking best. His gay pride shoved that. I rub dick in my muffler. Let me give some shout out to get my fucking master out of here. Ethan buzzard always dropping knowledge. Sam Vega, Jeff Taleman, Tina Shandini's, Andrew Nundal up there in NIAC, holding it down. Kenny Schaefer, that squad at me, John Cutler, my main man, fucking icky, icky, spooky, creepy, weepy, her cousin, you know, everybody. I love you, cocksuckers. Hope you're doing well.

I'm happy you came on today, Doug. This is great. This is the dream come true. This is fucking tremendous. See, yeah, like if I die tomorrow, I'm happy. Yeah. No, no, no, no. I wanted you. You know, man, just you impressed the fuck out of me. You impressed the fuck out of me because we were talking earlier about, you know, bad martial arts schools and good martial arts schools and what you should be getting from them. And again, I'm going on the spectrum here. I'm going on the spectrum between whether you want to join karate, savant, movie time. Sometimes you're going to get in shape, which is what I like going. But I also start going over there, I will come my fears. I had so much fear of jiu-jitsu being on the bottom and not knowing how to get out of the

mount and what am I going to do? And now I know at least to breathe and I throw my arm over and spin and the guy, I throw him off balance and I'm working with a deep half. You know, I have a path now, you know, and I think once you have a path, it gives you more confidence, but it gives you more confidence outside that. Like I'd say a thousand times a day. I'm a little older and by the time five o'clock comes, I'm shot. My mind, you know, is out there. I got a wife, the kid, the whole fucking podcast, what weekend, where am I going? I got a plane ticket. I can't do jiu-jitsu at night. But what I really like about going in the daytime is that when I walk out of there, my day has changed, my outlook has changed. Whatever I thought was going to be a struggle

is no longer a struggle because the toughest thing I'm going to do that, I just did, 10 hip escapes is fucking murder. You know what I'm saying? What I would rather get on stage and crack jokes for five minutes or do 10 hip escapes, I'll do comedy for 10 hours until I do 10 hip escapes. But the 10 hip escapes are a lot better for me and it's going to make my comedy a lot stronger. So I appreciate you guys, man. From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate you guys, you driving down here and teaching me on a Sunday where you could have been with your family. I know you're a Christian man and I respect that with all my heart. That's why I put you on the show and mostly because of your belief of what you're doing, how anybody could teach you jitsu for $100

a month. You know, you're doing the periscopes, you're doing the video, it shows us you got something, you got balls. You're a Jehovah witness without knocking on the doors. You know what I'm saying? Even though you're an expert. I know, I know. I know they'll come back and get you like the Scientologists now. They'll send people to your house three times a day. They'll even knock on the back door. Now, what's it? I think, you know, you're saying the game of you're, you know, it becomes an art. And, you know, it's like now I'd like to see people succeed. And I like to, you know, it's nice people, I should say. It's nice when you see a little guy that, you know, conquers a mountain. And then, you know, when it happens, that's, that's more rewarding than

anything, you know, as far as money goes, you know, so that's what I want to do. How come people get old, you're Tarzan, before you choke the dead? Well, you get, first of all, I was laughing and it went down the wrong pipe, so it's your fault. Jesus Christ, Almighty. Unbelievable. Okay, hang on one second. Lee, how you doing over there? All right, you're seeing devils and shit. And I'm doing good. I'm doing good. Thank you for doing that. So, as far as not catching all the noise I was making, so. Lee's a good dog. He's a good type. Yeah, he's sharp as a tack.

Look how he's shaved. He's ready to fucking rock. Well, he's leaving for, how long is she leaving? She's, she'll be gone for two weeks in, like, August. Oh, you'll be lost. I have to smack you around one of those nights. You'll be here crying, wearing, she's talking to some French tourist and shit, talking wee-wee and shit. You'll be all worried, scratching. You'll get a, you get a rash over your eyeball again, like you got the, like you got the jacuzzi that day. You just got one. How did you get yours?

What rash? The fucking, the sty. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I think I fucking didn't wipe my ass and maybe I wiped my ass and cleaned my eyeball or something. What the fuck? I don't know, Lee. That's how that's happened. That's how that's happened. That's how you have shit on your fingers. So, did you go to the doctor or what did you know? My doctor, you put salt on your eye and you put a fucking steak. You go to bed the next morning you wake up, you're back to being Clark Gable.

Fuck, are you kidding? You know what I'm saying? Where can these people find you? Is there a web page? Well, the- Hit me. Okay. Hit me, Tarzan. Give me the paperwork over there, Tarzan. Yeah. Thank you, sir.

Do you, do you need the doctors or? The what? No, I got that. The, the, the information that they can see a lot of stuff on is the Trujitsu Revolution. So, Trujitsu is spelled without an E. So, it's T-R-U-J-I-T-S-U. So, the Trujitsu Revolution. Um, you know, like you mentioned periscope, you know, I, if they look up at Matt Baker, BJJ, that's a handle, Trujitsu is a periscope, but I do a lot of question and answers and stuff like that. I just, you know, the more, when questions come in, I make a point to answer. Put together a national time, get back to me.

Yeah. And I'll blow it up on here. So, you have a national time every night for 15 minutes. Matt Baker comes on like red or, hit them. Teach them red, show them red or back. I want to, this is why I love you. I'm going to show you why I really love you before you fucking leave. Red or back, red on round ball. Way before, you're a young man too, Matt Baker.

Way before you were itching your daddy's pants. Okay. There was a team called the Boston Celtics and they won a bunch of championships. And the guy who won the championships to coach, his name was Red Orback. Do you know anything about this? No, man. Yeah. And he was a white dude who smoked a cigar and America fell in love with him. He was great, but he was very fundamentally sound.

And when the NBA or the ABA, I don't know, I don't fucking correct. I don't know if he, they merged the one under whatever the fuck happened. The NBA, you know, had all these fucking sensational players. So they went after, you know, Sundays, the same way football goes after Sunday. Hit it. Which one? Red on round ball. Dang, that's a big TV.

Red on right there, that one. Okay. So this guy would come on, look at this shit. On Sundays and he would do this at halftime. Okay. This is what you're doing on YouTube. Put the volume on. He would do it halftime. This guy here is where from my boy Theo Vaughn is from. That's cool.

This is pistol. Look at that. That's you, Matt Baker. Pistol Pete Marovitch. In my opinion, the greatest playmaker playing today. A great passer, great shooter. But a lot of people don't know this. He is wonderful in all these dexterity drills.

Look at this. Look at this. This is you 20 years ago. He comes out of a system I started around. I'm hugging you right now. Six or seven years of age of what we call homework basketball. Takes in reaction. Look at Theo Vaughn, listen.

To improve your quickness, your coordination, your confidence, and your overall ability to handle basketball. Bruh. Well, actually, don't you get the feeling that when you're doing these things, the ball becomes sort of an extension of your hand. Exactly. That's exactly how I felt. Exactly.

In some ways, learning new types of drills to dribble with one ball, with two balls, and so forth. That I never really had to look at the basketball when I dribbled it, which improved my game from... Because his father would fucking beat him. And if he didn't win, he put him in a fucking shed pistol, Pete Marovitch. He drank himself to that poor bastard. I was my fucking hero, that white dog.

At some of the things that... Look at what this guy would do in a fucking cold cocksucker. Pete, how about showing us a few of them? Show us, Pete. Watch what Pete would do in a cold by himself. Just to improve my quickness is what I call a ricochet drill. You stand with your feet apart, and you just throw the ball down, back and forth like this.

This is really just for coordination purposes. And then once you get into what I call the bullet ricochet, where you throw the ball... Yeah, you know what I mean? You do that three times. God, that'd be cool to put... Yeah, so... Do you understand what this meant to me when I was a kid?

Now I would get the basketball immediately. Bam, bam, my mom would come and hold me. I'm throwing it all the time. Don't break the dishes. You know what I'm saying? Because I would go crazy. This was my life when I was a kid. Pete played it.

This was for 15 fucking hours, for four minutes. Look at this. This is brilliant. They don't do this no more. This is what the UMC should be doing. And you're doing it for free. Hit it, Lee. In the summertime, but the object is to put the ball...

I did all this shit. ...to your knees. The object of this drill is to clap your hands in front and catch the ball before it hits the ground. It requires a lot of mental concentration, and I don't even know if I'll be able to get it, but I'll try. What?

This dude is... What, Lee? Yeah. Well, you tried pretty good, didn't you? How about a couple more, Pete? Well, I can take two balls and show a short drill, which is just a short figure eight drill. Using two basketballs.

What we call in rhythm and out rhythm, then going around. I did this shit for hours in my backyard, like a mole on it. That's ADP right there. You see a kid doing that? You shoot him, but that was me. That ball is a couple inches from the ground. Don't you feel real superior to the next guy, knowing that you could...

He's giving away, like, genius knowledge. Genius. Yeah, just this... One of the best moves I have, particularly as an individual, is putting the ball out in front of somebody and go for it. Thanks for bringing this up. That's kind of inspiring. Do what I call stutter dribble back over like that.

I'm giving up jiu-jitsu and I'm gonna play basketball now. It's the same concept, giving something out there. You know what you do for me right there on Sunday? Every kid was in the house and right there. Every basketball player was home right now. And as soon as this ended, you got that ball and ran to the court to do what they were doing. That's what you do with people today.

Same difference. This stuck with me for life. I'd never forget this red-on-round ball. Every time I got an MMA guy in here, a jiu-jitsu professor, a master, a karate man, I say, this is the fuck. Nobody's doing this no more than this. Thank you.

When you work at it, keep telling yourself, how can this help my game? So you can work on it hard knowing this will improve your game. This is what I'm talking about. Old school motherfuckers right there. That's what I want to do. And that's, you know, well, hey, I got to say this. Thank you very much for letting me be on your show.

Please, brother, you know I'm a fucking fan. And Lee, I wish we started rolling back in December. Like, we're at a little thing. I almost, yeah, I almost made bump into him. So, but he had his match. We might make it happen here. I want to, let me tell the sponsors and we'll get you out of here. I know you got a long ride.

You're teaching a class tonight. You're the man of them, a thousand fucking things. It's a lot of your family, man. You got to go feed the kids. Look at you. Make out a jiu-jitsu. You're flying everywhere, man. You're just doing too many awesome things.

No, I'm just trying to put the pieces together. First of all, the show's also always sponsored by Audit. I love these motherfuckers. You know, when I got off a plane after a two-hour fucking sleep, I popped one of those alpha brains. At least it holds me over to the afternoon. It focuses me to staple everything and put all the bills in one stack. I put my clothes in the laundry.

You know, it gives me that energy, man. And the shroom tech, I'm not sick. You know, I fly twice a fucking week. I'm in a plane with a thousand fucking people. Japanese people with masks on. You know, I'm going to start wearing a fucking mask on a plane. These cocktuckers. Anyway, Audit.com right now.

Go look at the great selection of supplements they got. They're going to give you 10% off your first order. And you know what? They deliver it right to your house. Stop fucking around with your life. I'm telling you right now, the hem force milkshakes, the protein shakes, the shroom tech sport, the shroom tech immune, not to mention the fucking alpha brain,

which they give you 100% money back guaranteed. No questions asked. Stop fucking lying to yourself and get yourself on track. Cocksuckers. All right. Number two, they sent me a package and I'll tell you what. Datsusara.

I love what they sent me. They have a great selection of hemp products. Strong. I mean, Datsusara means what? Lee, do you remember loyal people working? It don't matter what it means. Let me tell you something. This is a great brand.

That bag they sent me. I got them. They sent me a water bottle that fits right in there. I put my nasal spray and my things in the other, the sweat towels I got in one pocket. I put the protein powder in a bag and I put it in there. And then the other thing I put the regular container water just so I could put the protein powder in there.

So after I get off the mat in the bag, they gave me a little bag that I could put my dirty rash guard and my sweaty fucking underwear in. So I have to drive home and I at least I have to take a shower, show my little Cuban uncircumcised dick in my fungi toe to all the guys at the gym. The bag is fucking... Listen guys, go to...

What's the web page? DSGear.com DSGear.com That's dcapital scapital gear.com Go look at the great delay. They got a fanny pack. I got everything in there. I flew this week like a fucking doctor and I fucked up.

I told them I was going to take a picture and email to them and I forgot to... You know, I feel creepy going up to people. I'm going to take a picture of me at the airport with a nappy sack on her. What do you call them Lee? The front pack that I gave you. What do you call them?

They're fanny packs. The fanny pack that Rogan talked about on the podcast when we were on there. But Datsu Salari is a great brand. The gear is fucking tremendous. And it means to leave the salary workers life. You hear what I'm saying? This is the way Chris thinks.

To leave the salary... What is it? I got no glasses. It's a Japanese word that translates literally to the... To leave the salary worker life. Okay. That's what I'm talking about. Listen, go to DSGear.com right now.

Look at the great selection. From the gear they have to the bag I... I'm telling you right now. The bag they have a hooded sweatshirt that is tremendous. It feels like soft and it feels great. You know, it's just got hot now. I can't be walking around with a black hooded shirt. Next thing you know, I'm getting shot in the fucking neck.

You know what I'm saying? So anyway, go to DSGear.com right now. Whether it's a bag you want, a fanny pack. Listen, I don't give a fuck what they say. I got weed in my fanny pack. I got rolling papers in my fanny pack. I got fucking a vapor pen in my fanny pack. And you know what?

It went through security. Don't tell them I told you. Because then the fucking you put the feds on to me. Cocksuckers. Anyway, go to DSGear.com. Anything they have on there, type in church. Joey. Joey.

J-O-E-Y and get 5% off. Okay. DSGear.com right now. Pressing Joey and get 5% off. I'm taking, carrying in those. Ship it to you. The whole fucking deal. Tell them I sent you, all right?

And number three, I want to welcome to the show. What are the fucking best? I'm hearing nothing but great things, Lee. What do you think when you use them? Tell me the fucking truth, Lee. It's called Seed Geek. And it's great. It's great for two things.

If you know where you want to go, you can just type in and like, okay, I want to go see the Dodgers or whatever. But I liked it because I was new in town. And I have every, when you put it in your city, you can just scroll through and you're like, oh, these people are here. Oh, these people are here. And it's really cool.

And I also like it because it shows you like, in what row you're sitting. Like it's like, you can actually see where you're sitting in some places. And like, you can see by color where the more expensive or less expensive seats are. Who'd you go see with Seed Geek? I went and saw the Dodgers a couple of times

and I went and saw a play. I went and saw, what was the book of Mormon? Look at you. Yeah. No, it's great. You're a real fucking artist. You see what I'm saying? Seed Geek, have you ever been frustrated

trying to buy tickets online, guys? Yeah. Most flights make it complicated. Then they try to sneak in the huge fees of checkout. That's why you need to try Seed Geek. C-A-T-G-E-E-K. They've made it easier than ever to buy and sell sport and content tickets.

OK, Lee told you how great they were. Seed Geek has taken over the work and has a lot of shopping for tickets. Seed Geek puts all the tickets available on other sites into one place. So you save time and never miss a deal. Even better, every ticket on Seed Geek is given a grade based on value.

So you can immediately find unpriced seats. And before you buy, you can use Seed Geek's detail maps. Like Lee said, to see the view from your seat. Best of all, Seed Geek is always honest and upfront about the price, all right? Unlike StubHub, Seed Geek shows you the full ticket price from start to finish. No surprises.

No buy-the-ways with a huge fees of checkout, all right? Now listen what I'm doing for you. I'm going to give you my listeners get a $20 rebate off their first Seed Geek purchase. $20 off the first Seed Geek purchase. Here we go. To get your $20 rebate on ticket, download the free Seed Geek app. Go to the settings tab and click add promo code.

Again, go to the settings tab and click add promo code. Enter promo code, church, C-H-U-R-C-H. Seed Geek will send you $20 after you've made your first ticket purchase. Download the free Seed Geek app and enter promo code, church, today, not tomorrow. There's a lot of great things happening this summer. There's great concerts coming to your town.

You always want to see your baseball game and your family. Right now, go to Seed Geek. What happened? Download the Seed Geek app and enter promo code, church. Right, download the free Seed Geek app and go to settings tab and click add promo code and enter the promo code, church. It's that easy.

Just for an example, we're in Los Angeles. So the first thing I open up, Los Angeles Angels tickets from $3. Los Angeles Sparks tickets from $6. Let's see who's here. The daughter's tickets from $2. Bob Dylan's here. DMX is here, if you want to see DMX.

So yeah, it just shows you, and you can follow different people, tell the police here, but that's 19 plus. So, but yeah, I mean, it's pretty cool. Go to download the Seed Geek app right now enter promo code, enter promo code, church. C-H-U-R-C-H. Again, I'd like to thank Dr. Saurick

and I'd like to thank Onnet.com for sponsoring. I'd like to thank Matt Baker at Matt Baker, BJJ up there in Bakersfield. If you're in the area, drop in. He'll fucking talk to your teacher. Move on the arm. All right. That's how we roll here.

Thank you for having me. Tremendously. Thank you for doing what you do, my brother. You're a true martial arts master on the John Jock, the Lord that saves us. You're a savage. Lee, take a cock sucker. Hit it with some,

we're going to play some nice Christian music for me right now. I found, I discovered this band in 1987 when I did my little stint in prison. I used to hang out with these Christian brothers and they would play this while we would pray. Hit it, Lee. Oh my. You used to listen to this at Ramrod's, or?

No, I got this in Boulder, Colorado. I got the crap from Matthew? I had just gotten married and I brought this fucking cassette home and I played it for my then wife. Who just looked at me with a look of fucking disdain, and then I brought it for my job and those white people went fucking nuts.

I Oh shit, you ever see an Asian chick like the Filipino check and you look at them and think of this Oh But you say I'm a dog when I let you fucking desert it It's like It's not a mystery Oh Have you heard the song the motherload

This is still gets me this still gets me every time Lisa. I still giggle and fucking I think it gets bad every time I love it. I love it Oh I worked in the country bar Were they big fans, yes, they were and everyone would sing every line until it got to that one sentence And then all the girls were like not take it. It was like That was just too far. I tell you parents that we're going out Never to the movies just straight to my house

You said it yourself you like it like I do put your lips on my pipe I'm a dog in he oh shit a freak with So Matt Baker Me so honey, thank you. That was funny So this is This show was brought to you by Seed Geek Seed Geek makes it easier than ever to buy and sell sports and concert tickets Seed Geek is offering listeners to our show

$20 off of their first seed geek purchase When you download the free Seed Geek app you go to settings and click add a promo code and a promo code church And Seed Geek will send you $20 after you've made your first ticket purchase download the free Seed Geek app now and then to promo code church This show was also brought to you by Datsuzara Go to DSGear.com right now and check out their extremely high quality and Functional gear made entirely with hemp textiles. They have bags, geese, rash guards and more When you go to DSGear.com use cobert joey to get 5% off of your order That's DSGear.com and use cobert joey to get 5% off of your order

Show is also brought to you by onnet.com go to onnet.com and use cobert church to save 10% on all their great Optimization products like new mood shroom tech immune and shroom tech sport