Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #397 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 14, 2016

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt, live in studio! This podcast is brought to you by:   Datsusara: Go to DSgear.com and check out all of their great products, like gi's and rash guards, that are made with high quality hemp textiles. Use code Joey to get 5% off of your order.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 07/13/2016.
  

This show is brought to you by Datsusara. Go to dsgear.com and use codeword joey to save 5% on all of their extremely high quality functional gear made with hemp textiles. They have banks, geese, rash guards, and much much more. Anything you want to wear for jiu-jitsu, go to dsgear.com and use codeword joey to save 5%. And the show is brought to you by onit.com. Go to onit.com and use codeword church to save 10% on all of their amazing optimization products like Alphabet New Mood, Shroom Tech Immune, and Shroom Tech Sport. The church of what's happening now. Uncle Joey, Lisa Yat.

A little PM done for you, motherfuckers out of Jersey City, New Jersey. What's the story, Lisa Yat? That's a change of pace, man. I'm not really a big R&B person, but it rose on you. It's a little boring, maybe? Yeah, it throws you off. Listen, they got like fucking 10 jams that'll take you around the world and back. Nobody knows about it. I think PM Dawn ended up... I lost track of them like after this third album, maybe. Okay, I'm never gonna hurt them. But the second album, whatever came out in 93 was one of the best albums I've ever heard in my life. What about it? The PM Dawn album. I used to go to this gym in North Bergen

and they used to always play it. The one guy was gay and he would always play the sound, and at first I was like, what the fuck is this? He had a couple good songs, but then once I got into the whole album and the flow and how they laid it down, these guys run into something. That song, Boomerang, that song is from the movie Boomerang. It's a fucking great movie with Eddie Murphy. That came out in 93 also, a fucking tremendous movie with Robin Givens, The Black Chickle One, The Oscar, Chris Rock, Martin, David Allen Greer. Chris Rock is good in it, and I can't... I can't name like two movies he's been there. He's got three scenes, but all of them are pretty fucking funny. They're all with Eddie Murphy, I think. Yeah,

they're all pretty much with Eddie Murphy. But yeah, it was on BET yesterday and I watched it for a little while and I sat there fucking getting sucked in at what I was going through when that movie came out. It was a good movie. I enjoyed it. I like Eddie Murphy. Yeah, what do you think he's doing now? Just counting his money? Just doing nothing? You know, he's trying to do different things, you know? He's been trying to do stand-up. Really? No, no, no, no. I just keep hearing like a couple weeks ago, I heard from Jerry Rocha that he went down to a club, that he was... They were supposed to show up with Dave Chappelle. Do you care about stuff like that? Like if anyone... No, no, no. Because I know that if he gets on stage, he's gonna have to go to the store,

and I'll see him in his natural habitat where he feels comfortable. Oh, no, but I'm saying, do you get excited? Are you like, so-and-so is back? Listen, man, it's been fucking 20 years. The hunger isn't there. The stand-up hunger isn't really there. I mean, Tim Allen was a sensational comedian, but there's gotta be a little hunger to you, you know? There's gotta be a little hunger to really dig deep. You know, after a while, you're so busy, you probably just get a writer and write a joke to the writer, and he cleans your act up because now you have to have an image or something like that. So who knows what happens? Do you feel humanly still sensational when George Lopez is out there? You know, there's a lot of those old guys that they just get better. They just

get better and better and better and better. You don't think about them because they're not on TV no more. You're like, I'm not gonna pay the 25 bucks to go see him. It's a fucking great non-entertainment. Are you still a fan of comedy? I want to laugh. I do want to laugh. So like tonight I didn't do it. I can't lie to you. I did it tonight because the baby was watching TV, but I usually scroll. I scroll before I leave, and I see who's gonna be on Fallon, who's gonna be on those shows, and I tape, and I get pretty excited, and then when they eat dick, I get fucking pissed off, you know, because I would never have those opportunities. But you know, what the fuck? But I'm back, and I know a lot of people, listen

guys, thank you for all the well wishes and the fucking, just everything. It was overwhelming, you know. It was, listen, surgery for some people. Joe Rogan goes in and gets a tube of blood taken out of him, and it's just another day. Some people do well with that stuff. I don't do fucking well at all. And going into this, my state of mind was in a fucking bad place. I was going in there to fail. Like I'm going in there Friday to fail already. You know, this all started with the physical, and I usually do well with blood tests. This blood test was horrible. Like it was just a bad experience. I had to breathe my way out of there. I got out of the surgery. Lee dropped me off Monday morning. I didn't even have to fucking 12. You know, I didn't drink coffee. I didn't smoke pot.

I didn't eat nicotine gum. I went in there as sober as a fucking judge. You know what I mean? I'm never really sober, because there's leftover fumes from something in there, you know. Mr. Diaz? Yeah, I went to, but here's the funny thing, guys. I'm at the fucking airport, okay? On Friday, I land in Las Vegas. I just fucking land. I'm sitting by one of those fucking things with the wheel rolling, whatever the terminal with that you wait for your luggage. Right, yeah. And nothing. 20 minutes. I got Larry waiting outside. 20 minutes to things spinning. Finally, I look over and there's my bag on a different thing. So I got to walk two things over,

get my fucking bag, put the sleep apnea, and walk. Now while I'm walking, getting cut off by Asians, showgirls, limo drivers, my fucking phone rings. And I think it's Larry. I go to get at the time I'm on my way, and it's this number that I knew from the fucking doctor's office. I answer it. My name is Betty from St. Joseph's Hospital. I want to talk to Jose. I go, this is Jose. What's going on? She goes, you have, you come in eight o'clock Monday morning. I have to tell you about medications and what to take and what not to take. It says here, you have high blood pressure. You take your medication with water, just a little bit of water. And I go, okay, thank you. And I'm really good off. And she goes, one more minute.

It's come to my attention that you like marijuana. You said to the nurse, so we found out, I want you to know you should not do marijuana the night before the surgery because you get to dry. The anesthesia makes you dry with the THC and then you're too dry. So that's why I didn't need edibles on Sunday night because she fucking scared the, I just didn't want to. I just didn't need to. You have a reputation now. Oh, who gives a fuck? You gotta get high before surgery. No, it's good, even though, but usually I would get high before surgery. I just, this is how much I said, you know what, when you drove me for the colonoscopy, when they show up the camera of my asshole, I got stoned to the gills that morning. Oh no. Yeah, you have to. You can't do when you have a

needle. You can't get high. Sometimes, but I didn't get high Monday morning. I went in there right quick. They sent me to the back. The chick saw me right quick. A nurse came and got me, took me to my little fucking room. I sat there for 20 minutes sweating. Like I was going to get killed. That's what I sat like, like I was going to go get execution. Like I sat the lady come in, put the EKG on me with the thing. My blood pressure was 200 over one fucking 50, 160 or some shit like that. That's how much, I don't want to say it was stress, but that's my fucking fear. It's all mental, right? It's all fucking mental. I'm doing Dr. Belize breathing. That shit ain't fucking working and done by this point. And then the lady comes in. She's some

fucking Romanian lady and she wants it to hit the vein. So they put a needle in my right hand first. That hurts like a mother fuck. It's still bruised. They can't find the fucking vein. It took five minutes of me sweating profusely. Then they switched to my left hand. They stick a needle. They can't find it. Thank God my wife was there. But at the time they stepped the second needle in me. I swear to God, I would have got up and said, listen, thank you very much. This is not going to work. I'm going to have a good day. But I already told you fucking guys on here. This is why when I got on Periscope in the morning, I always tell you guys I wanted you to because now I put it out there. Now you guys hold me to the flames. I have to go. If I didn't do a podcast,

I wouldn't have done this fucking surgery because I would have just sent and canceled it like I canceled everything else. How can you, you can't just leave a surgery dog? Watch my fucking Cuban ass. That's like, I don't know. Fear of a black planet. Oh my God. Fear of a black planet. I believe dog. I got to go. You stuck me with these needles. My blood pressure is 200. I got to go home. I got to go. I got to go. Then my wife came and she, and then the last needle felt like it went through my fucking arm. Guys, I was sweat. Listen, beads were coming off my fingers of the sweat. I had, my underwear was drenched. You thought like I did a work. I went to Jiu Jitsu and that over sweat had gone on my underwear. That's how much perspiration I lost right there at

the fucking hospital. Just sitting on the like the examination table or something? Yeah, in the little fucking recovery area. Then they put a, they folded my arm up. I put my iPod in. I think I listened to Soundgarden, uh, super unknown two songs. They took me upstairs. The guy came over, he talked to me, asked me some questions. They asked me who I was 15 fucking times. Like I didn't even, I was going to turn myself into something. Sometimes I'm going to switch on the table and take my identity. Every fucking place I went, date of birth to name, date of birth to fucking name. So they gave me a valium to calm me down a little bit. So I started getting high on the fucking V they came in. I'm not going to lie to nobody. It's not like I eat fucking Vs every

day. So I said, even though it was like a little mileage, you know, they're scared to do anything. I'm a fucking gorilla. You know, I could eat 20 of those things and that happens. And I eat one and now I'm starting to get a little high and they take me in the back and they're talking to me and let it comes over with a syringe and she goes, I'm going to shoot this in your intravenous. It's going to make you fucking night night. The guy's next thing I know, I woke up and recovered and my wife was there with ice cubes and shit. I had pain in my teeth. Like I'd done two eight balls. Whenever you do coke the next day, your teeth hurt because all those nerve endings are right here. That's why my teeth are getting all fucked up. That's why I

would method shit. That's why they don't have no front teeth because you're snort. Is that what it is? Yeah, you're snorting it. You're smoking it. So your front teeth either light on fire from the chemicals and shit or the drip from the drug just severs your nerve endings and you're fucking mouth. You know, I've said, I had a black streak in my tooth from all the blow I was doing. And you kept going? Well, what do you have to do now? I really got a black streak. I also got a matching one, you know what I'm saying? But I went to the dentist and I asked him if he could fix it for the small nickel. He fixed it. But I went home. I ate those oxycontins. You know, I don't know if I got high on them. Then they told me they were pussy doses. So I ate a couple of them.

And listen, man, it's fucked up for a guy like me. I'm an anti-biotics right now. I'm on the fucking. I only took oxycontin tonight because my teeth and my nose were hurting. I've been on the Tylenol or whatever the fuck, extra strength Tylenol. And they did just fine. And somewhere along the line, I fucking sat on my wrist. So my wrist is kind of fucking hurting. So if I sleep on my left side, my wrist hurts. If I sleep on my right side, my shoulder fucking hurts. I got to sleep laying up like a zombo. So it's been fucked up. So tonight, hopefully I'll get a better night's sleep. I think I'm going to sleep. I have to sleep at the machine and just sleep all a fresco tonight on the fucking chair in the living room. Do you think that maybe because

you're going high to get blood tests is why you freak out a blood test? No, I don't get high to get a blood test. Oh, you don't? Okay. No, no, no. I go straight to all that shit because I know that the reefer makes it seem worse than what it is. Oh, yeah. That would give me an attack. Like that would give anyone. When I was on the testosterone, I had to give blood every 60 fucking days and had to get a needle in my ass every week. You have no idea what I'd go through. How did you do that? I just, I don't remember that at all. Well, no, I would go over there on Tuesdays, 10, 15, and he would shoot me in the ass. And then he would give me a fool maybe two months to go upstairs to Filipino over the table. And she was very good, except one

time I saw her profusely also. You always talk about, uh, when you get anxiety, that's what comes out. It comes out when I smoke that bomb. That bomb is crazy. Oh, you want to smoke some more? Sure. I know you do. I know you do. It's only Wednesday. It's only Wednesday. What the fuck? This is a good bomb. That's tremendous reefer. You know, that's why I wanted to smoke with you. When I woke up, like that day after surgery, I had no appetite. I didn't eat much the day of my surgery. Then Tuesday, a little more, you know, I had a smoothie last night. I've been living on protein shakes. Well, you said you can't taste that. I never thought about that, but that makes sense. That's shitty. Yeah, that's terrible. My wife made, uh, fish chowder that was a little

spicy. So that opened me up a little bit, plus it gave me some protein. So now it starts. I was just waiting to do this so I can start training for the special. And now I got 90 days to the fucking special. Yeah, that's going to be, it's like a training camp. It's almost like a fighting. 90 day training camp, I'm going to do. And I'm not going to the national no more, do the oddball festival instead. So I'm doing the opening weekend of the oddball festival, Nashville. I'm sorry. You know, I love you, motherfuckers. I'm going to reschedule, but they opened me the opening. They offered me the opening weekend with Sebastian and Tom Segura. And we're going to like, uh, what do you call that? West Palm Beach. It opens up on Thursday,

Tampa Friday, Atlanta Saturday wraps up in Indianapolis on Sunday. That's going to be so much fun. August 25th to the 29th. There's some shit like that. It must be, it must feel nice to get asked to do like these big festivals. Well, the guy that runs this festival is live nation. Okay. And for years, I totally didn't like me. And over some of a couple of years ago, he started showing me some love and give me some dates. And, uh, I knew they were putting the festival together and I knew I was going to get a call for something. Let me tell you that much. I just always knew. I didn't know it was going to be opening weekend.

And listen, man, for years, nobody talked to me. So absolutely, I feel great about this. You know, my agent was like, well, you're hosting. Do you feel bad about that? I go, no, just to be asked to do it and to go out on the road and to work towards my special and to hang out with Tom and Sebastian or whoever else for the weekend. I don't get to do that. So it's great for me. It's a great experience for me. You know, right now, anything that happens with stand up is gravy for me. I love it. I love it because I never thought I would be at this point in my life standing up eyes, but we got here. We got to working for whatever long at last. And that's it. Like all I can do is do my best.

I ate dick Friday night in Vegas, you know, my material and I'm working on. I'm trying to, I'm starting to get sucked in by what I'm supposed to do and it's against what I want to do. I know what I want to do. I know the reaction I want to get from this. I know where the story has to go. I know where the jokes have to go. I just got to figure out where and what to thread it right now. And that's it. We got ourselves a great fucking special from there. We go to the book and that's basically it. That's the fucking plan of attack. I like to drop 20 pounds before the special. I got to go measure it for a suit for my new sponsor. I'm going to put a fucking suit on from them for the special.

How are you going to lose the 20 pounds? I'm going to lift weights, missing those fucking veins. I got to get my veins back. I'm going to lift some fucking weights. That's it. I'm pissed off. I'm pissed. They're never going to miss a vein again. I've never been like that ever in the last fucking 20 years. I've never missed a fucking vein. I never shot everyone like that. I can't even imagine doing that shit missing your fucking veins. Five times. It's scary. It seems to be happening a lot more often. It seems like people are getting sick a lot more. It must get scary. Did you talk to Mercy about it? Yeah, she's three and a half. She's looking at me thinking about

fucking, you know, whatever the fuck, Jake and the Fat Man. No, you don't talk that. I can't talk to Mercy about it. Mercy doesn't even know what the fuck I'm talking about. She's three and a half. You know, she doesn't understand that a father could be a grandfather. She doesn't know. She's not aware of that. She hasn't looked around the room and said, wait a second. My dad's two times older than the fucking other dads. So I got to get in shape so I could compete. I got to run around at parks. I still got to go to events. So this, this is what needs to be done. Listen, Leigh, let me explain something. The good thing about this podcast is, is I know that a lot of 53 year olds and above don't listen to this. I hope that it's a lot of guys your age and they,

they, you know, it's so funny how you grow up and your dad tells you shit all the time. Yeah. You don't believe your dad, but a fat fuck like me comes along and you believe me. You understand where I'm coming from. And I hope that people, I didn't take care of myself. I didn't, I ran on fumes. Thank God I had good genes and shit like that. I regret, you know, like losing this tooth in the back. I regret taking those teeth out with wrenches. I regret not going to the doctor all those years and taking care of shit, you know, instead of letting it run. But I caught it before it got even worse. It could have been worse than 4, 18. I could have been 600 pounds right now. Oh, you think so? It would have gone. Oh yeah. I could have been 600 pounds right now.

I love food, Leigh. You know, I, I love to eat. I love to smoke marijuana. I love food. When you eat coke, when you do coke and you eat, you binge eat. Oh, cause you're all hyped up. No, you finished. You just went for 10 hours. You lost a thousand minerals. Gatorade can't help you. You know what I'm saying? When you do an eight ball of coke, Gatorade can't fucking help you. Really? I never heard that. I heard it. I mean, you don't want to eat. So you didn't eat. It takes all your dopamine. It just crushes you in so many fucking levels. When you're mind to get back, you got to eat. Not many times I would go get like two eggs and a cheese omelet with fries, potatoes, and two orders of toast, and two or three cans of coke for breakfast and a half a glass of water.

I could do that every fucking day if I wanted to. Damn. A good cheese omelet with french fries, nice fries, crinkle cut, shit with some wheat toast or butter, shit. I thought I was the only one that did that. No. Got fries in the morning cause hash browns suck. Hash browns suck. They're the worst. They cook them in the outside and the middle is raw. I don't like that shit. Burn them. I tell motherfuckers every time I go to breakfast, how do you like the potatoes? Burnt. And they come back with this fucking chivalry. Then I burn those motherfuckers, bitch. I just told you. Yeah. And the shredded ones are the worst. The shredded ones and like why they try to give you healthy potatoes. I hate those fucking McDonald's too. No, that's the one I like. That's the only

good one because it's terrible for you. That's people juice in the middle. You got to take care of yourself. Like I said, I bail down. But you have to assume people that by 45 things are going to start going wrong. Your eyesight, you know, you have to watch your weight. Your metabolism drops tremendously. Your metabolism drops tremendously. You could run, lift and you could do the fucking calorie counter and go 200 calories over for two days and you will gain two fucking pounds. You'll go, Jesus fucking Christ. I walked to the Y. I walked back. I walked 40 minutes on the elliptical and I lift the weights. How do I gain two fucking pounds? Your metabolism goes on the fucking thing. You know, you have to, your body naturally will start cutting shit out.

And like, what do you mean cutting shit out? You will naturally figure it out that you don't want, maybe I won't have a bowl of soup this time. Listen, my standard order is soup, a salad, an appetizer and a main fucking course. Correct? No, that's your main fucking thing. We smoke dope, but by the time the fucking main course comes, you're just wasting food. You're just wasting food. You're just filling yourself up, trying to get a fucking heart attack, filling yourself up. That's all you're trying to do. You know what, do you ever realize like, you don't remember eating the food or you just ate itself? Like it just gone. Well, listen, we first started eating no stars six, eight months ago. I would go home and it was horrible.

It was fucking horrible. It was horrible. Like you just don't even have any memory, like I'll, I'll sit there and I'll eat and I'll be like, after I'm done, it's like, that wasn't even, I don't remember tasting one bite of that. It took me three minutes to eat. And it's just, it's. I eat fucking fast. Yeah. I eat super fast. I eat super fast. It's a horrible fucking habit and it gets your fat because you eat all the food and you realize how stuffed you are instead of eating a little bit, going, what, you know, it's like I've told you for years, I cut out potato chips at 93. Once I left dashways, when I moved to Colorado, I'm like, I'm not going to get wise potato chips no more. So

it's not worth it. That's not, it's not worth it to me. It's so fucking weird and then eventually you start cutting desserts on, or then eventually you start splitting desserts across the table. Instead of getting a dessert and a milkshake, I used to get a dessert and a milkshake. Oh yeah, of course. You know what's the war? I just, I just figured this out. Delivery is the worst, not only because you're ordering out, but they all have like 15 dollar minimums. Like, so I found myself the other night, like, wait a second, why am I ordering a dish and appetizer and something else just cause just to meet the minimum? That's why you gain weight. If you get delivery all the time, I used to, like, I remember a summer where

a place banned me. I was ordering too much from them and there was too far away and it was, they said it wasn't worth their time. I'm not a delivery guy. Oh, I love it. For anything. You don't like delivery? No. What about it? I want to go see you cook it. I don't know if the fucking driver put cyanide in it or some shit. No, no, no, no, I don't like nothing. I don't like delivery weed. I don't, I want to see it. I got, Geno's got great weed, but I want to go to the store. I want to go. I want to go. I want to see what you got. I don't want you to come over and you ain't got what I want. You sure about a purple weed? I don't want that. I know it's what you got, but I don't want that. I want to see the 12 fucking selections of different

fucking reefer that you got. You know what I'm saying? So that's why I don't like nothing delivery. Even at 415? I don't like it. It's too fucking easy and it's too, I don't get it. I have a friend Stacy that would paint that constantly. She would not leave her fucking house. Booze, cigarettes, toilet paper, the works. Bro, it's got to the point where if I put G in your thing, you know how most people get Gmail? I get Grubhub. I swear to God. What's Grubhub? Where you order food? What's Gmail? What is it? Gmail. It's like your email. It's Google email and then Grubh, but instead because I go to Grubhub more than Gmail. What's Grubhub? It's a site where you go and have like 8,000 restaurants you can order from.

And they'll pick up the food and bring it to you out. The restaurant does it. They do have like now they have like Uber drivers picking up food. I see Uber delivery, Uber tacos or something like that. Uber eats, yeah. I don't want that either. No, that's kind of creepy because then someone else not associated with the restaurant is going to pick up your food. I don't want that either. I don't want none of that shit. Then they come to your house. They know where you live. They case to join in. Trust me, I was the delivery guy, Doug. You want to get Rob to get delivery. Eventually they'll go, there's a little chubby Jew. He's always got his girlfriend over there. And I'm always stoned. Dude, I have laughed in about three delivery driver's faces. Just,

I lose it as soon as they open the door and I just hand the money and I laugh in their face at the close of door. It's great. You know, it's pretty funny when we started working together. You're always a great worker, but you didn't know the parameters. You know, it's, it's, it's really weird when you, when you have to come to an office or you have to go to a plant and work. But when I said, you leave, I need an outside sale. You're like, what does that entail? That entails you come to the office Friday with your orders for the week. That's what that entails. Monday through Thursday. I don't know what the fuck you do. I'm not going to hold your hand. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to know where you've been. All I want you to do

is to come in here on Friday with $2,000 orders. So I can give you your fucking 800 or bring me 3000 or 5000, but your minimum is two. The first time that happens to you, you really get kind of lost because you don't have parameters on what to really do or where to start, you know, and then you start to realize that, yeah, just because the business opens at 10, doesn't mean the person you're dealing with is there at 10. Right. There's so many fucking things, you know, so you have to learn how to fill your day and how to get those orders out by the, by the Friday. And it's so weird that I watched you grow. I never really told you what to do. I gave you

like a path, but if I think back from my criminal days to my being, trying to be legit days, to doing comedy days, my number one rule was always the same. You got to get out. Yeah. You got to get out. You wake up, you drink your coffee, you smoked your reefer, you smoke a cigarette, you get in the shower, bam, you're out, bam, out by a certain time every day. So there's no misunderstandings. Even if you just go get coffee and that day you start your job, but you're out of the house. There's no comfort, there's no phone, there's no TV, there's no Twitter. There's nothing that could take away your time. The most important thing in all those jobs, which you had a problem was time management. Time management is one of the most

difficult fucking things when you're out there banging it out on your own. It was, it was crazy, because a lot of people have like panic attacks when they go away from home and go to college. College was fun. It was school. And then when I came out here, I've worked since I've been 16, so I know how to go to work. Sorry about that, people. That's going to be part of tonight's show. I'm sniffling blood, so I'm very sorry. But when, and I even asked you, you got kind of mad at me on the podcast. I forget how I phrase it, but I was like, what do you do with your day? Like I just, when I first, when I stopped working, it was November. I think it was, it's like almost two and a half years ago now. So in November, and I just didn't know

like I would do a little bit, but then TV is there. And I always used to make fun of people who would go to the coffee shop. I didn't understand it. I was like, why the fuck are you going to Starbucks? You have Wi-Fi, you have coffee, what, to just like, what, just to hang out at a Starbucks. But that's what it is, is you have to go, you have to be somewhere else, I think, to work. Like it's, you shouldn't have to, and it's, you don't have to. It's a weakness that like, you're fixing by going somewhere, but at least you're addressing. I like writing in the house when I have to do research. Okay. You can, but you can focus, you're good at that.

When I want to write longhand and just write material and go crazy and write a story out, I go to the coffee shop. There's different things I could do, but I also, I have a goal. I have an hour and a half goal, and I can do something for an hour and a half, and I get up and do something for an hour, and I get back and hit it again for an hour and a half. So from one to three, I've really worked four hours, and there's been six hours from nine to three. I've worked four out of nine out of six hours. And you know what, man? People, when you go to an office, you have tasks to do, but a lot of your day is bullshit internet searches. So that's honestly, I don't know,

I don't know if that's the part of the reason why I was used to it, but then also I had, I only had this thought and I called you at like midnight. I've always liked working at night. I don't know what it is during the day I get distracted. I don't even do shit. I just, I go online and then you get a phone call and you want to go to the gym and you eat lunch. It's just so segmented that I can never really get going. Have you ever seen what the Agostino used to do? No. The Agostino used to sell duct tape on the phone at a place.

And there was three different floors, and every floor was, you know, the more serious accounts and the people who sold the most. But if you walked into where the Agostino worked and for an hour when you sat there, it was, you know, 16 people at the phone at one time. The fucking desk is clear. All there is is your phone and a computer screen with the number you're going to call and the fucking computer dials for you. So it's not stopped. And you know, and with those type of jobs, all you're doing is trying to get numbers. If you call 400 people, you're going to sell two people. So you don't give a fuck. You're looking for numbers. No, no, no. When I'm interested, go fuck yourself, fuck you, click, fuck you, click, tell me more about your product.

But to reach that, you got to hit, you got to keep it, right? Especially in today's economy. But even like that mentality of constant like that for six hours, I can't do that. I did it when I had to do it then on the phones. I could be on the phones for eight hours. On Saturdays and Sundays, I'd be on the phones from seven in the morning to six at night, selling sports information, Monday being our biggest day of Monday night football. You have no fucking idea what it's like to just sit there and call motherfuckers and sell. And that's part of where I got the training to, I'm constant. When I get up in the morning, I already know the emails I have to send. So if I get up, if I get up and my wife's in the

kitchen, I go in that little room before the baby gets up and I start hitting those people. I want them to walk in their office and get that. That's part of it. Then mixed in that, you take a shot. I mean, I do it like we spoke about a few weeks ago. It's all coordinated. It's multitasking, but not really. You're just being efficient with your time. I wasn't born efficient, not by no means. I had to learn to be efficient. You know how I learned to be efficient by being an estimator. And then you learn about labor. And if you ever figure out your labor and your cost and what you're doing now, you'll be embarrassed. Absolutely. You follow what I'm saying to you. So if you look at yourself as a, as an estimator, sometimes they go, whoa,

what do I really fucking do here? And what do I really, what do I really fucking do here? It'll shock you and it'll teach you, you know, it's like I say to people on time, believe me, you don't like the gym. It's four hours of your week. You got 724. What's that come out to? 168. Okay. Four hours. So you still got 164 hours left. Even if you sleep 60, 57, eight hours a night, you still got 100 hours to do what the fuck you want. Four hours ain't going to fucking kill you. I'm the world's biggest procrastinator. Like that, that has always killed me. Like I'll procrastinate. When you used to get mad at me for going to the gym late, and you used to call me, what are you doing today? I'm going to the gym. I wanted to go to the gym

at 10, but then she would happen and I could put it off. I'm the king of, like if, if something has a due date, I'm screwed. I need, it's, it's a little bit hard working with someone like you, sometimes where, you know, there's no real planning. It's just go, but because of that, I don't have time to worry about her to think about it or, or, or not do it. If it's just, we're doing this now, then we're doing it now. As Americans, we worry too much about our fucking job. We worry too much. We worry too much that it, it affects us doing our job. I want you to be as efficient as you can, and sometimes be giving you a lot of information. They're going to make you a venture. It's just going to make you think more. Yours is not the reason why yours is not,

yours to do or die. Let's go. Let's watch this and you sit there and go, wow, that's how it's done. You know, I get aggravated when I watch people work. What about it? Okay. If I called you tomorrow and said, Lee, tomorrow, uh, get a guy at the company and we got hit. I need the office mopped. Okay. Okay. If you think I want a guy to come in here and have a mop and really mop, you're fucking crazy. I want the guy who comes here with a fucking hose and sprays fucking gasoline on this fucking wall and hits it with a fucking hose and sweeps it out and sweeps out the whole fucking thing in 10 minutes. So what they're taking to do with a fucking mop in an hour, like a fucking dunce, this guy did in 10 fucking minutes because he knows if he does 10 of those,

he gets $20 of those and he fucking does those all day. Right. I have a style of working. I used to get aggravated with people. When I worked on the roof of my brother-in-law, okay, it was my brother-in-law's business. I could have done two things. I could have been a sack of shit, been there late and not worked hard and been the bum brother-in-law or I could have been the best guy on the job. I was out of prison. I had a point to make. I wanted to be the best job on the guy. So the guy that partnered up with me every day, he knew there was no Chinichata. There was no, did you watch the game last night? There was nothing. He's going to cut this fucking roof. He's going to pull it and you and me are going to keep picking them up as he pulls.

There's no stopping. There's no nothing. And that made everybody else work that way. There's no fucking around. Because then let's say, would you get out of three instead of five or something? We would do 40 squares a day, 40 square feet of roofing a day on this job. This job was huge. We were there for six months, eight months, and we had to do 40 squares a fucking day. And for the five guys that it was, it was unheard of. It was unheard of for us to rip two fucking old roofs off, then fucking tape everything off, insulate, and then fucking put the rubber down and then ballast it with stone. It was unheard of in those days for the amount of guys we had.

We were out working. Any other fucking crew, black roofing had any other crew anywhere else because that was our philosophy. Nobody went. We put music on. We smoked a joint. Let's do this. I don't know what you're talking about beside that. Do you do the same thing working out? Yes. Because I, yeah, absolutely. Because I want it to get over. Yeah, I want, I don't want to, I don't want to fucking go in the gym and talk to people. I used to go to the YMCA in Hollywood. Oh my God. You've never seen people that wanted to talk more. I never saw nothing like that in my life. People want to stop and talk to you. I don't want to talk to nobody, though. I don't want to talk to no. Hello. Goodbye. What's happening? Good to see you. Hey, you're going. Yeah.

Bye. Boom. You're on the fucking thing. You're on a mission. Absolutely. And, and I wasn't even talking about that because that does happen. A lot of people want to chat, but I just meant like if you're doing like, you're going to start weightlifting again. Like if you're doing a set of, and you're supposed to have like a minute and a half rest, I'll go at 115. I just want to get this thing over with. I don't want to, I don't want to be doing this all night. Like that, like that's what we did today at kettlebells. We just, like we, we finished in like 25, 30 minutes, I think because we just went. We didn't stop. There's a lot of people don't, you know, they have different styles of working

and they have different styles of being efficient. You know, I can't judge any of them. You know, I can't judge any of them. I just know how I like to do it. And I know how I know that the most important thing on any job and anything that we do is organization. That's the most important fucking thing. Day one, day one, day one, day one. That's 101. Exactly where you're going to be at this time every fucking day. Where are you going to be Thursday at 145? So you mean organizing your life? It, by organizing your life schedule, your work schedule

becomes more efficient. It has to. You don't have time. No. That's a, that's a problem. You have too much time. You're playing for keeps. Right now you said that you left the house at nine today and you didn't get back till tonight. That's a great day where I come from. Now you're 26 years old. You should be doing this six days a week. And that's saying to me like, boy am I tired. I don't know what you're talking about. I thought I was going to be, I was, I was stressed out about today.

No, I get stressed out about those days too because you don't have them. You usually don't have them. You don't know how you're going to do well. Right. Yeah. I look at my notebook and I got six things in one fucking day. I fucking my heart stops, but those six things are a dick. Those six things are a phone conference, jujitsu, meeting somebody, picking up my daughter and maybe having two spots and one night or something. So that's, you're not, you're not leaving the area until the night time.

For the past two and a half years, almost never did I leave this five square mile radius. Probably not even five square miles. Like why would you, it's overrated. It's filled with traffic and cars and everything I have to do in the daytime takes away, you know, when you go over that fucking hill, people add an hour to your day, both directions. Add an hour, add an hour. And you know what that hour does to you in the fucking car? Two things. Again, that's when you make your calls. Okay. That's when you, if I know I got a fucking get in the car, there's no calls in the morning.

I just send emails and that 45 minute drive on the four or five, I'm just banging out calls. Well, I didn't do it today because I was worried about the traffic. But have you thought about, and I know you're not going to do it, but getting a driver or Ubering just so you can do stuff in the back of the car in the traffic? No. It's always you. You don't want to be on the other side of town without a fucking car. Yeah. Ever. Ever. There's an earthquake. You're waiting for Uber? No. There's an earthquake, Stanley. I don't do nothing here without my fucking car. That's cute. Yeah, I took the train. It was romantic. Good. Wait till the fucking train

breaks down. Wait. You got to get stuck at a fucking thing. And it happens all the time. Every three weeks, the train breaks down. Don't fuck with that train. Don't fuck with that train. Dude, I almost left my car in Beverly Hills and I was like, okay, I'll leave my car there because I was worried about getting back here in time. I was like, I'll leave my car and I'll take an Uber to the train. I'll take the train back up here. And I'm glad I didn't. And sort of going back to with your surgery, it seems like everything tends to work out. And people go through shitty times, obviously, but all this worrying I did about my day and making it in time, I made it in time to everything.

Your surgery, it seems like went well. So it seems like everything tends to work out. The younger you are, the tougher it is to explain, for me to explain to you how things work themselves out. You know, again, I want you to close your eyes and think of 19 fucking the 87. And I go to my attorney's office and he goes, the first deal is nine years. I could have got a gun after that and just gone to fucking Rouse and started shooting people. Nine years, nine years. I'm going to go to jail when I'm 25. I'm going to come out when I'm 30 fucking four. Do you like Pat, like fall to the floor when you hear that? What does your brain go through when you hear nine years? I'm moving to fucking Cuba. It's just,

I'm using that as an example of the positions we've gotten ourselves into and how we worried about it and where you end up, where you start and how much worry you had and where you end up. You know, I get emails once a month and it makes me think and they always say, listen, man, we listened to this boy that you have adversity in your life or that you overcome. You had bad luck. First of all, half of it was life. And the other half of it was shit I brought upon myself. You know, some way I figured out how to eliminate that out of my life little by little. I don't know how I did. I had a plan in a way, but I didn't have a plan. I just knew what I wanted to be the end result. I knew that peace of mind was my end result. I knew it would be nice to have a woman

instead of dying by your fucking self. I knew it would be nice, not even to be comfortable, but just to be able to live and not have to stress anything and my bills are paid. Those are my goals. I didn't sit there and go, I want to test a Rosa. I never sat there and thought that way. I had already lived a life that I knew I wanted a simple life. You know, I wanted to keep it simple. You know, I'm very content with the simple fucking things. And right now, my life is very simple. In fact, the time is too simple. It pisses me off. Because you're not busy enough? No, just because it's not moving along the way I want it to. Maybe it's moving too fast or maybe,

you know, just at this time of my life, I wanted to be on it, wrapping up a TV show on Gower, my sixth year, and I could have been moving the fuck out of here, my check to some fucking state retired and raised my daughter or something like that. That was one avenue. Well, isn't what you just said how things tend to work themselves out? Doesn't it still apply to you at 53? You never know. You never know. But right now, I'm having a good time doing this. You know, I can't see myself being on a set now after doing this with you for so long. Having people tell you what to say and what to do? Yeah, what to do. I can't do it now. I'm out of dress. We're trying to be there. You know, we're working till midnight time.

I'm not sure that's what I want anymore. I'm not sure that's what I want anymore. I don't think this is going to happen, but let's say you never act it again. Would you be okay? Wow, you've done all that you wanted to do with acting. No, no, no, no. I've done it. What I want to do, I did more than I ever fucking dreamed of. I did more than I ever fucking dreamed of. Never mind. I did more acting than I fucking ever even came close to doing. So there was no plan for acting? It just sort of happened? No, there was no fucking plan for acting. So, but then did that freak you out though? Because you plan everything. I was such a fan of acting that I never thought I was good enough to

do it. You know, and this is the simple mentality that we all have. We all have this thing that maybe, but why had it more than the people who listen to this fucking show? I'm very insecure. So I never thought I would be on a fucking TV show. You know, the type of person you have to be on a TV show. You have to be fucking special. You have to have a mom and a dad. You can't do drugs. This is what I thought of my mind. Then Richard Pryor lit himself up with fire and then my mind started going, but no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no point that I ever think I was such a fan of it. Ah, I was such a fan of it that, and I was such a fan of the great actress that I never thought I could do something like that. Never, ever, ever.

And so, yeah, so there's no, but there was no plan though. And that's what I was. When I came here, Lee, the plan was to survive. The plan was I had two options. I could go to Boulder and fucking Kung Fu fight with these people and end up in jail and something bad's going to happen. I could move to New York and get caught up in that stupidity or I could stay in LA. The weather's nice. I got a few wins. I don't know anybody big, but I have a few wins. I didn't come down here knowing people or a lot of people move here because, you know, somebody helped someone. I didn't know nobody. I just knew I couldn't stay in Seattle no more. I wasn't a good comic when I got here. I was doing comedy six years. And out of those six years, I was basically doing kind of,

maybe seven years. I thought seven years, I really did comedy for five. I wasn't ready for LA. So what, I just came and fake the funk at first. I just came to fake the funk. I just came to give it a shot. Columbus did. Let's get this out of the way. Let's see what this is all about. Obviously, from the stories people are telling me, nothing's going to happen for me. Obviously, it's tough to get spots at the improv. It's tough to get a sad card unless you have to start as an extra. It's tough to get a TV show. It's tough to get an agent. It's so tough to do all these things. I couldn't see myself doing one of these fucking things. So, but then I'm confused though. So did you have? I had nothing else. I had $300. I had, I was looking at going to jail in Seattle. I was looking

at going to fucking Boulder and making, you know, 600 a week the rest of my life in Boulder. It's a college town or I could take a chance with this and get this out of the way. Just give it a chance. Just let me see how I fit. But do you have anxiety about it? Nothing. Oh, nothing. I had nothing. So I had zero to fucking lose. I was living with a fucking stripper. Do you think I was raised to live with a fucking stripper who was giving hand jobs and giving me fucking germs? Do you think that's what I like? At that point, I had to give it a shot. Doug Stanhope said, I just worked with you the weekend. You'll do great. It's only 20 minutes sets. It's not like you need an hour to move down. But so is that kind of what we were talking about earlier where it's, since you had,

I mean, since there's no, you don't have any reason to be scared. Like there's no time to be scared. It's a plan without having a plan. These people that come to you and say, I'm doing this in a year, they're giving themselves time to be scared and to talk themselves out of it. What's going to happen in a fucking year? That's different. A little bit more money. How much more? How much more? How much more? What do you think that's going to happen this year? Nothing's going to happen bad in your life. You don't think your car's going to blow up? You don't think you're going to need new tires? You don't think your girlfriend's going to want a ring? Or you don't think your girlfriend, your dog's going to get sick because they had a fucking

chicken bound? And it's going to cost you 900. What's going to happen in a year? Nothing. Unless you really are making 3,200 a fucking week and you got a plan like that, you're walking out and enjoying it. I'm going to work for 20 weeks. I'm going to have 60,000. I'm going to leave here with fucking 25 unless you got that plan. But if you've got some mind fuck plan in a year and a half, Susie's going to have her degree. Oh, fuck yourself. Fuck Susie. This is your dream. Susie ain't got nothing to do with your fucking dream. Why are you dragging Susie into your fucking dream? It was a plan without a plan, Lee. Listen, Lee, it was a plan with a small possibility, with a high possibility of failure. But if I failed, I had a place to go.

Well, we can start all over. I go to Boulder and try to be a dad and eventually kill one of these people and eventually get what I deserve in life, a fucking prison cell in three cons. That was my mentality. That's what you want to hear. That was it. When did it change? Did it take until you got off coke or? No. It changed when things happened every 90 days. Something happened every 90 days. Just little improvements. I got here January 29th. I drove into town. I went to Al Capucco. I ate the oil you could eat Mexican. I took a shower in the fucking RV and I went to the county store on a Monday night. I saw wheels and I saw Eddie Griffin and I saw all these people and then somebody said they knew me and they put

me on stage. I did three minutes in front of three people. Right there alone, I could put it on my resume at the county store and talk shit like all those other loser comics that do a Sunday night and they go back to their small town and tell people, I performed at the county store and I performed three minutes. So I did like three minutes on the open mic. There was three people there one in the morning. But Stanhawk gave me a reference and that put me on the list at the county store and it was like a six month wait and all of a sudden, bam, I became a regular at the store February 19th. So I'm not here a month already. Now when I was working out there in all these towns, every comic would tell me there's no way you're going to become a regular in

those clubs unless you have a high-end manager or you know somebody or something. There's no way. I got here within three weeks. I was a regular at the fucking improv and at the store. But something happened. The second day I was here, I went to the lab factory and Jimmy Masato watch my sent me told me you don't belong here. You belong doing nightclubs like Red Fox. He goes get yourself a suit and a tuxedo and go out and do dirty jokes. You do a lot better than what you're going to do in this town. They told me that the second fucking day. Right there somebody else with abandon ship. I understand where you would abandon ship from hearing it from Jamie. But looking back on it, is it kind of crazy that you were taking advice from comics in

other parts of the country that weren't living in LA? Like looking back? No, no, no, no, no. I was, when I, when I got into comedy, I started doing a thing called Tribble and I would host the Tribble ones. So I would host at the Boulder. All those comics came from me to San Francisco LA in those days. And those were the guys saying don't go there? So I would ask them. I would say to them, Hey man, how's it living in LA? It's fucking tough. How long you lived there for? Nine years. You're regular at the store? No. You're regular at the improv? No. I go, what do you do? I teach driving school and I go to audition sometimes. Have you booked anything? I booked this. All you look familiar, you know, shit like that. What you find out years later with the guys on

those runs was just horrible comics that weren't doing nothing here. Right. So everybody I worked with was very negative. They had lived in LA and they were doing Tribble runs. The career went on Tribble runs now, which is one step above a cruise ship. I'm not disrespecting anybody. That's how they consider it out here. So the comics I was working with were comics that were living here. That really had nothing going on. The San Francisco comics were very happy. They had tons going on. They had clubs up there and contests and festivals, you know, but the LA comics that I was working with were comics that were like, I go to the improv every Sunday night. I don't get up. So boom, February 19th on my

34th birthday, I'm a regular at the fucking comedy store and at the improv and Jamie Massada don't want me there, but I met a kid named Gilbert Esquivel and he ran Latino night to La Factory and was an associate with Jamie. Oh, so you could go in? I would go up every Monday night. He would give me 20 minutes at 9.15 or 9.25. So even though and Jamie wasn't there, so Jamie would never even know I went up. They would pay me on the side. So all these things and then in 90, what do you think happens? Josh Wolf, one of my best friends, gets one of the biggest fucking developmental deals in the history of fucking Los Angeles off of one man's show. Really? Yeah. So this is one of your best friends now. He gets a half a million dollars and you're

living in a fucking car. So that was demoralizing. I'd have to imagine. It wasn't demoralizing. At first I was a little angry and jealous, but then I realized that if he could do it, I could do it. Oh, so you were? No, this is 99. Okay. 99. I'm getting spotted at the store. Then something, all right. So I became a comic. I got the comedy store and then something happened in June. I booked a commercial. So at 90 days. In your first six months. So you figure now. So I got here. I booked the comedy store and a week after I got to the comedy store, Vinny Curlo, came up to me and asked me if I wanted to do a John Fogarty video, the singer from whatever, Creedence Clearwater Revival. So that was really my first job. It paid 800 bucks.

That was like getting a million dollars. Are you in the music video? Yeah. You can't find it. It's on there, but they cut it up and shit. That was my first job. And then I didn't, and then there was, the narrow was shooting a movie, a boxing movie. And for some reason I got in on the audition and I just ate dick. And I really, in my mind thought I was going to get it. Like I was that cute. Like I'm going to fucking get it. And I'm giving it to like a big name. Then the movie went under and I probably had metal upstand. I was going through a lot of shit with drugs and then, boom, I booked a commercial. Me and Carol break up and I booked a commercial and that commercial gave me 80 grand and that kept me in blow and fucking. And at that time I was doing little gigs.

I was opening for Joe, but I would do little weekends here and there as a feature act. You know, and then I just dedicated my standup for a while. Like I bombed one time and I just went back into standup big time and we did triple runs. I did all those things to make me stronger. But when I came back, I booked basketball. How long were you on the road? Maybe 10 months. So my first year and a half here, I had booked a movie, a pilot for CBS, a commercial. I was a regular at the store. I was homeless. I was doing blurry fucking night, but that made me more aggressive. Plus I was shooting a lot of short films at the time. Like student films? I was a hustler. Yes. Wednesday nights at five o'clock, I would go to 7-Eleven

on Curson and I would buy backstage. It's a publication and I would put it in my car and that night when I get home, I do blow and I'd fucking circle the jobs I was right for and I'd make envelopes, put a headshot in there, resume and two tickets to the comedy store and I'd mail it because I knew if I mail them Thursday morning, I'd audition by Friday morning or Saturday because it's not a big budget production. It's 50 envelopes. The first 50 envelopes to audition. Oh really? Yeah. And you would, it's amazing to me that you had this coked up. It's amazing that you still have that work ethic. Because I had to do this because I didn't have the help other people had at that time. I was banging this out by myself. At this time, I had a manager. His

name was Jeff Gatlin. By 99, I got, I had a manager called Jeff Gatlin that was a tremendous manager. In fact, I called him a few weeks ago and he got me auditions. He started getting me motherfucking big time auditions. I wouldn't book nothing, but what I was getting that I didn't know was experience. I was getting the experience of going to the room, knowing where to sign in. I'd be going into these fucking huge rooms. Probably nervous as hell the first time. Nervous as fuck. But he sent me to so many fucking auditions. You know, and then I booked man TV and then I booked the best damn sports show. Then I booked and analyze that. So I was getting love every 90 days.

When I booked and analyze that, it was in my mind, I was over. It's a De Niro movie. I'm acting with fucking Anthony Lampogli in the scene. That's it. The doors should open. Nothing happened. And that's when you get frustrated. That's not moving fast enough. Your career is not moving fast, but something happened I wanted to tell you about. Okay, so I shot analyze that July. Okay. The movie was getting released in December. I couldn't fucking wait. I couldn't wait for that movie to come out. To like show off? For the movie to come out, for me to get more work and have a reel. So I was telling somebody about it one day on the road. I was telling this kid about this fucking movie I did. Now when it comes out, I'm going to be a

fucking star and people are going to start booking me on the weekends and shit. I got a headline because that was the goal to go. I knew I was never going to headline as a comedian, but if I got a bunch of movies, I'd go back door and headline that way. I can imagine you saying that stuff. So, uh, I'm talking to this kid. He's a black kid, great kid. I still keep in contact with him. At the time he was in the service. And he knew a guy in the service. He knew a guy that got movies ahead of time. This is crazy. This is a crazy story. So I'm telling him this story about how when I get this movie, I get the reel,

but I got to wait because even when the movie comes out, I can't get the reel till the movie goes to DVD, blah, blah, blah. And he goes, let me make some calls. This guy was like in the service and shit. He calls me back. He goes, I get you the movie. He goes, my buddy clips the movies off the computer. When they get edited, they go back and forth from the editing to whatever, he'll get the movie for you. The only problem is they turn it upside down and backwards. Just in case someone steals it. Someone steals it. So you have to go someplace where they return it backwards to shit. Oh, this is Craig's shit. And that's, that must have been before the internet then because that this is 2001, 2002, 2003. So yeah, it's probably pretty new then.

Wow. And you would have to, where do you even go to do that? Is that like a back alley thing? No, he said that the guy would go, he knew how to tap into the computer at whatever film lot and tap into their films and editing. And he would look at chunks of films going back and forth from editing through the others. This is craziness. And this is how those fucking guys do it. They hack into the set. Oh my God. Did you do it? He sent it to me, but we can never turn it around. We could never, ever fucking turn around. Nobody would touch it. Yeah. People were like, what the fuck is this? Oh, yeah. So you went to places and said, can you flip this? And like, man, people were like, oh my God, we talk about it. That's

how crazy it was. I finally just drew it away. So what, what was the boxing movie with Denero when you were younger though? I never heard about that. This is a movie that Vinny Curdo saw, and it was going to be done by Denero and Marky Wahlberg. Marky Wahlberg was playing Vinny Curdo and Denero was going to play Angelo Dundee. And Vinny Curdo wrote the script. And right before the movie was being shot, Denero pulled out. Damn it. Did you tell him when you worked with him that you almost did that movie? No. I didn't mention Vinny Curdo. I didn't say nothing. I don't, again, I don't mention nothing. I don't know nothing. I don't know nothing. How are you great to meet you? Do I know you? Not at all.

I never met you before. Never, never, never, never. Even if I met you 10 times. No, no, no. Unless you come up to me, you go, I met you one day at the party, and then I got a cop to it. Besides, I don't know, no, no. No, I wasn't there. You sure? No, no, no. You always do that when someone like, like, recognize you like, have I seen you in a movie? You're like, no. It's hysterical. It's funny. You just, you keep saying, no, like, come on, man. I know if you're like, no, I'm just, I'm just. I'm just a regular guy. People always tell me I look like a guy from the movies, but that's not me. Trust me. When I be driving a Subaru, and they just look at me, like, you got a point, they walk away.

I like fucking hate getting embarrassed. You don't like it? No, no, it doesn't fucking feel good. It feels embarrassing. Why? Because sometimes you had somewhere else. You're thinking about something completely different. You don't think nobody's going to fucking say nothing. And then some guy comes up to you and says, you got from the longest yard. When they hit me with a specific, I tell them, yes, sometimes I lie. But if they ask me if I'm an actor, I go, nah, I'm gonna stand them. And now they go, oh yeah, I sing on HBO. No, you haven't. But fuck it. Oh my God, this stitch is hanging out. Can you see it? What do you put? Don't play with it then. Oh no.

You see it? Not really. No. I mean, a little black thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's that little fucking black thing. People couldn't believe I wasn't going to do the podcast. I don't know why I'm fine. I just feel a little fucked up. Because most people would take like a week off. They'd be in bed. They'd be eating soup on a tray. No. I didn't do much. I can't lie to nobody. I wrote. I made a lot of notes. I threw away a couple notebooks. I didn't want any more. I would just shit. So I was looking at too much. That's it. I didn't want to, I had this plan, guys. I was really looking forward to this. I didn't give a fuck about USC 200. I didn't give a fuck about the festivities. I didn't give a fuck about nothing.

I wanted to go back and have this done with because I knew from here I could go the direction I really wanted to go into. My night, my next 90 days are spoken for. It starts August 6th at a Cherokee casino in motherfucking Oklahoma city myself and my main man Steve fucking Simone. Then I go to Denver to smoke pot for four days. Then I go on fucking whatever tour. Then you and I go to Austin. Then I go to New York. Then I go to Columbus. And then you and I go to Chicago with fucking Timmy Holloway. Oh, Timmy's coming? Timmy's coming. We taped the special. That's going to be fun. Then I go to Vegas, which you're not allowed in Vegas. I think they banned you. You and Cheryl Crow are not allowed in Vegas.

And then I got fucking Boston, the Wilbur Thieves, and you come with me to that. That's it. That Wilbur will be fun. And we're going to Portland. That's it. Nice. The Wilbur. It's, uh, holy fuck, I just had something. Goddamn. It's, uh, oh, that talk with Dice. Did it like about getting your body right? Is that, is that what motivated all this? No, I knew I had to do that. I knew I had to do all these things. I mean, I don't want to, listen, I'm a fat fuck, but I want to be a sloppy fat fuck on this special. You know, uh, I hope that this and, you know, going, being able to breathe better and jujitsu and all that stuff makes me go into the advanced class and work a little harder. You know,

I hope from here I have a plan. A man without a plan is not a man. I have a plan from here. I don't know if it starts Friday. I don't know if it starts Monday. It started already. Who the fucking might get, but I'm playing it to how I want to do it. I don't want to do all the material on the road and shoot the special. And people already saw this fucking material. So I got to write a little extra. I got it covered. Trust me. I'm telling you, I'm thinking way ahead of the game from here. We move on with Gordon to the book. I never even thought about myself and Shane adult. Please myself and Shane were doing a fucking thing. I have a thousand iron and fire. I have all the week of work that I want to the

end of the year. I'm probably not going to go out January to month with the King weekend. You know, I got this all planned out the next couple of months. And this is what I have to do to take it to the level that we need to, whether it's the podcast, stand up, selling something, writing something, whatever the fuck. I really want to go over to the writing side of it. I'm still, it's like when I told you that I'm still scared to go into the door full. Right now I'm still a little scared to go into the fucking door full. But you know what, even when I got home from the surgery, I wrote a paragraph. I've been training myself to write something every day. I write my little morning eulogy, but then the afternoon I make some notes in the comedy thing,

and then I also go and write the book on litlift.com. So I always add a chapter. I erase a sentence. I'm doing something every fucking day. 10 years ago, I wasn't doing nothing but snowing coke and waking up and going to the store and telling fucking coke stories or the fuck I was doing. So at least now I'm working towards a goal. Right, absolutely. And that's, I guess what you said earlier, well that just how I, like it's been, it was tough. It was, it took me two, like two years. I was in shock because I was in shock because I thought that I didn't know what to think. You know, I've always, because I didn't have a normal college education, I've always put a lot of value on the American college education to take kids from A

to Z and it really doesn't do that. It throws a bunch of classes on you and they put you together with a bunch of other kids that don't know what they're doing. God bless them. God bless them. They just don't know. You know, it's a few kids that have to work, to have to maintain a few hours that'll take you down a fucking cave and go, oh no, fuck selling shoes, fuck working on movie theater. Let's go sell insurance on the phone at night from seven to 10. And all of a sudden here you are with this guy doing something completely fucking different. And by selling insurance, the guy gives you a log sheet. Okay. And he makes you write all the people you call the result, what time, and where you spoke to. You follow me? Just that right there alone, opens your mind. It's like

smoking joint. Just the actor, right? Because right now, if I go somewhere, if I go into fucking Johnny's, Johnny's pencils tonight, and I get hired, he's gonna give me a script. And it's going to say hi, my name is Joey Diaz. How are you tonight, sir? I'm fine. Listen, I'm not going to take much of your time. Johnny's pencils, we use fucking pencils from American trees, never been pissed on. We do right here in American fucking Woody Creek, Colorado, do me a favor, buy three boxes of pencils, whatever, you just keep saying it. You know, it's funny, if you get off the phone with that guy, and he says to you, listen, I don't want to buy no pencils from my house, but can you call me in the morning at my job? Let's say he goes, I could probably use your services. This is all

hypothetical. You know, if you don't write that information right, you're going to lose it. So when people tell you to log shit in, you don't do it right. You get pissed because now you don't know what your second call is. So you learn to go, okay, July 13, 2016, then 15 a.m. Lisa at result, spoke to Lee, said he has to speak to his wife and he'll get back to me. My action, I'll call him on the 15th to check up. Even though he told me he's gonna call me, I'll call him to check on him. What was his mood? His mood? He sounded like he wants to buy, whatever. You know, just getting those organizational skills right there. Took it to the next level or took it to the next level because now it teaches you what to do for other things. It teaches you what to do for other

things. You know, when you go to a sales force twice a week, maybe every day, you got a sales meeting. They're fucking dumb, but they focus you. They tell you like what their goals are for the day and they focus you. That's what a sales meeting is supposed to do at eight there in the morning. Let's talk about what the issues are today. What's, what's going to take for you to fucking sell a fucking account to them? Well, I've been talking to this guy. What has he been saying? And now you, oh, you know, because it's what he's saying. It's so many. Because you think you're doing the job, you're calling them, you're writing, you're writing something down, maybe, but it's the more thorough you are, the more knowledge you have. You don't

learn that until you're not thorough and you fuck up and it fucks you over and you lose an account. See your biggest lessons and when you lose money, Lee, you remember those lessons for the rest of your life. It's not when you, it's when I said, you Lee, what happened with the fucking account? And you say to me, well, I haven't heard from them. I pick up the phone. I go, how you doing T.J. Max. Yeah. Joe D is he even speaking to my associate, Lisa. Is that me? Out of my nose? I'm really sorry. You've been talking to my associate, Lisa. And also, I get him to sell. Guess what? I'm taking 50% of that fucking account. You just lost $2,000. Guess what? You'll never make that mistake again. No, yeah. You can't. You, especially when you think you're

doing the right thing. It's like, okay, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And then 10 minutes later, I called him and then I made the sale. You're like, what the fuck? I never understood. And you're learning it now and Paul is learning it. But I never understood what I call you on a Friday. You'd be watching TV during business hours. Yeah. That's big table. There's no TV during business hours. You want to eat a sandwich and watch the 12 o'clock news. That's one good traffic to go to Ontario. That's one thing, but you're going to watch nine TV shows on daytime. You can't do that. In my world, when there's money to be made, you got to be making that money. If those lights are on, you got to be making that money. You

can watch TV at night. Don't have no TV in the daytime. There's no TV in the daytime. And I didn't learn that, you know, if I had a mommy, they'd be TV in the daytime. But when I lost my mommy, I realized there's no TV in the daytime. But I also realized, you know, years later, I understood that no TV in the daytime means you're working. I don't give a fuck. Go to the corner, dog. Go to the corner. You got to be working on the corner. What do you mean? I don't know. Maybe some guy's shining his fucking shoes and you step over and say, give me a call. Let me shine the one shoe. But anything happens better than watching TV. It just sets you into it. That's why they play on those community college fucking ads. Because that couch,

I sit there this week. I sat there this week and watched news and scrolled and said, what the fuck do people watch in the daytime? Netflix. It's amazing. Because there's nothing on TV. 600 fucking channels, nothing on TV. You know, Boston Law, you know, stupid fucking reality TV. I don't know what the fuck you're watching, but I do know that I remember years later, like when I was snorting coke in a hotel, I'd be on the phone. I'd be watching TV and I'd go, this is how they suck people in. And they start throwing those college things at you. They throw those college things at you because people sit on the couch. They're confused. Don't even know where to fuck this start. That's your perfect fucking advertising is nine to three. Yeah,

it's all college. Go and get your GED. GED, your skills. I mean, go to TNT. You can watch that. Listen, when I watch fuck, when I'm in the hotel room and I do radio on Friday and I'm back in the hotel room by nine, I'm the happiest you ever see Joe Diaz because I'm full, I'm stoned, I'm gonna go upstairs, take a nap, but I'm gonna fall asleep when I'm watching Gangland. And that just makes me very fucking happy. But why, even while you're watching Gangland, one of every fucking three commercials is about going back to school, learning how to drive a truck, learning how to work on a motorcycle, learning how to install the stereo. You know what I'm saying? No, it is. And that's, I think it's, because what took me a couple of, because when I

first, when you first start working, not at the office, I had been working since I was 16 and I feel like I just, I don't think I needed it, needed a break necessarily, but I just gave myself one. It's like, okay, I don't really, I don't have a podcast today. I'll just take today off. Walk her to the gym. She said, when you say to me, oh, I'm sitting at home working with Paula here. I go, no, you're not working. You're sitting there and every three minutes, she's sending you a text, showing you a picture of a fat chicken Africa, eating the pizzas, not like that. Just how she does it. And you're sitting there getting 22 text messages. Can't work at the house. You know,

I love when Terry, my wife leaves and I have to work because I know I get silence for an hour. But if I'm trying to work in my wife's home every 18 minutes, she's like, pirate, you can count on it. She's going to come into the room and ask me something that's going to throw me off fucking completely while you're doing that bun. Let me get some shout outs to some fucking savages out here. Carl Hutchrider, Savino Stallone, Paul Ireland, Art Pwn, James Maldonado, Donovan Sal Cerulo, Lady J, Phillip Coy, my girl, Uki, and Waterbox are looking good these fucking days. Bunch of you motherfuckers are looking good. And don't forget next Thursday, I start my fucking no expectation tour at Flappers. It's the 21st at eight o'clock in the

Yuhuru, 50 seats, nice and intimate. You get the wings, get the blue cheese, you go home, you give your wife a stabbing. I got it again on eight four. Then August 6th, I'm at the Cherokee Casino in Oklahoma, wherever the fuck that is, then myself and Diego Steno are going to be doing the dark horse tab and starting on July 26th on Tuesday nights. That's another hour I get to work on fucking stupid fuck. What'd you do? Do another one there? You're leaving me? Another one? Okay. Sure, you can't walk on one leg. You know what I'm saying? I think I'm hosting one of those with Diego Steno for his birthday. Are you? I don't know, he asked me. It should be fun.

Take a couple of stars and see what happens. You know, as you guys know, I posted it and Lee and I went to his house, called mine, got buried tomorrow, he gets buried and today they called me and they said the fucking reception was empty. That's so sad. What kind of bong is that? I don't know, man. I'm trying not to cough and die on this podcast. No, no, no. Let's go. You got to hit it hard. Let's do it. You're doing these half a fucking fruitcake hits again when I'm not watching. What are you talking about fruitcake hits? Put the bong down. Rest it. Let's go. Rest it. Let me get some man. Rest it? There you go. Okay.

Because you're moving around too much. I can see that thing falling. How do you move it too much? Go ahead. Spark that soldier. You told me to put it down. No, no. Spark it. I thought you were going to put it on the table. Oh, take it from the table? Go ahead, Lee. Don't worry about it. I thought you were doing something different. Hit that fucking soldier. There you go. Again, you fucked it up.

You got to hit it slow. You got to hit that. So one more. One more for the Marines. There you go. So you have to push your head again. You're fucking it up. Not everyone can take hits like you. Leave the... No, you knew we're doing them good before. You know what to do. Leave the pipe over here. Let it burn, suck it in slow. Stick your finger in the thing. Stick your finger in it. Move it around a little bit. The weed.

There you go. There you go. Now, hit that soldier, Jack. It's nice and slow. Now you're filled. You clogged up the hallway. You felt a little fucking wash with the finger. Give me that fucking thing. Oh, that's good. Let's get... That was terrible, too. You're going to hit the bomb. This is how you need to hit it, all right? For the last fucking time.

26 years old, four years in college, don't know how to hit a fucking bomb. What? I'm a bomb-hitting class. That's what you're doing in college. You learn how to smoke fucking bombs, okay? Art school. First off, you clean this shit out of here. You don't want to get somebody's THC breath and your fucking breath on that THC germs in your germs. So you clean this out.

You get yourself to fucking blue cookies. You put it like this, leave it. You see what I'm saying? You want my fucked up nose and the antibiotics. How does your nose affect you packing a bomb? It does. And then you take this motherfucker. It's a slow death. Let's pretend you have an ant. You don't want to burn him to death. You just want to put the light close to me. Something like that. So you light this thing very fucking watch. Got to work my lips like a trombone player.

You don't need to be a fucking genius to do this, okay? Sorry about this, people. I told you. You want me to do the podcast? I'm going to have leakage. What do you want me to do? At least I'm not leaking on your fucking head. Ready, Lee? Nice and slow. Absolutely. Lighter. Hey. Lighter A.

Whoa. I don't have that much breath. You okay? That's Dr. Belize breathing right there. Now we got to finish. You see what I'm saying? It was a slow torture move. Did you see that? No genius. I'm no better than you. We put our legs on one pants at a time. Now you got to do it again. Slow. You say slow, but how do you have that much breath?

You got to plan it. You got to slow it slowly. Now I got to go really slowly to get the smoke activated. Then you set it on. Then you finish it off like a fucking savage. You see what I'm saying? Come over here. Sit next to your uncle Joey. I'm going to take you to the next level with bong hits. Okay, for tonight. Are you going tonight? You're going to spill a little blood,

but that's okay. That means you're doing the right fucking job. If you don't spill a little blood after Joey Dears' bong hits of death seminar, that's when I'm going to start doing a bong hit fucking seminar. You need to. That's crazy. Hold on to the bong. You're going to hold on to this. Okay, this is loose. This is like a trombone. You see that? Hold on to that.

All right. All right. Hold on to that. Don't drop nothing. Where's your control hand? On the trombone. Right there. No. What's that? What's that? What do you have in the country? No, don't. All right. Ready? Nice and slow. You're just sucking on her. Now kill it. You know what I'm saying? Okay.

You're a fucking soldier of fortune and shit. Cock sucker. What can I tell you guys? I had surgery this week. It was a whole fucking week for me, but at least we got a chance to hang out. We did some fucking periscopes today. You know, I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Like I said, if it wasn't for you guys,

I wouldn't even have showed up for the fucking surgery. I can't lie to you. I would have backed out because I was really scared of this. This one had been stressing me out for a fucking couple of weeks. But thanks to you guys, you know, it's times I, there's times I bump into you in the road and you pull me aside when I'm high and you creep me out with the fucking.

If it wasn't for you, Joey, I would have never had a job. Well, now I'm telling you guys, I'm creeping you up. Thank you very much for keeping me in check. Thank you very much for when I have to go to jujitsu, I go. Thank you very much when I have to eat a little better. You know, thank you very much for making me listen to better music. Thank you very much for making me fucking want to write for you guys and be a good comedian.

Thank you. I owe a lot of this shit to you guys and to Lee. But that's, I've just been watching you for the last 90 days and I've seen how you figured it out. I can't tell you what to do because I don't know what you're trying to do. But that's the thing. I don't think I do either.

I feel like I'm making strides. I'm seeing things. You know what is actually kind of helpful? I'm seeing things I don't want to do. I'm seeing things. I tend to look at the world now through your eyes just because we talk six times a day. And I see, sometimes I'll do something for someone

and I'm like, oh yeah, that took way too much time for the amount of money I got. So I shouldn't do that again. So it's, it used to kind of freak me out that I didn't really know where my life was going. And it still does a little bit, but it does make it a little bit better when you can, okay?

Not that way. So eventually I'll find the right one. The hope, that's all. Again, nothing happens on the couch. Yeah. I explained to you that there was so much opportunity in this. You know, you were the one that told me, somebody Larry told me that were three episodes away

from 400 episodes, okay? How many producers do you really think at all these other podcast stations have really done 400 episodes? And I'm not talking about sitting there and listening to two comics talk. I'm talking about being a part of it, thinking about the microphones, the cameras,

how you want to do this, you know, how we put them out. You have real experience. You never thought this was an experienced job. This is becoming now a job that people are going to start buying podcast networks and going, we don't know what the fuck we're doing. We just know there's good money in it. There's not good money in it.

It's a good entertainment or whatever. And they're going to look for a guy like you that's been in the trenches. You're a Vietnam vet. This is what we did from day one. You were with me that morning and six in the morning and where my baby has a crib now looking across from each other.

Yeah. Talking about fucking fat man alert. 400 fucking episodes. So there's something that you know about this. And I explained to you that the more and more we do this and the more and more this thought process catches on, that like I've always said from day one, if I was a fucking plumber, I'd have a podcast.

If I was a fucking artist, I'd have a podcast. If I painted murals and then whatever the fuck I did, I'd have a podcast to get what I'm doing out there. Two times faster. These people are going to need to go somewhere if they want to start a podcast. And this is where you commit. You could provide 22 different services

from the fucking setting it up to sitting there or just telling you what equipment to fucking buy. And you know, you listen to them and what they want to do. You talk them off the ceiling because most people want to do. I want a production of Greece. I want people to come in and sing and dance in between the podcast. That's not going to work.

You know, you have to break it down for them. Some people don't listen to you and they do it and they realize it themselves. There's something that we've done here from a grassroots, whatever, it's us. It's not a radio station. We don't work for a radio station. No, there's no one else here.

Right now somebody's listening to this going, Joey, what the fuck are you talking about? We don't work for a radio station. We just were two fat fucks that decided to get together twice a week at 6 a.m. Who does that? I had no plan. I had no training in this at all.

Don't be near them. We think I had done the ones with Felicia. I knew nothing. I did five or six of them with Joe. I wasn't, at first I didn't like them when Joe did them. We would go up there and just sit around and talk. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. And this is what it became.

It's fucking surreal. It's surreal that you're going to have 400 episodes under your fucking belt just like that. Yeah, and that doesn't usually just stick it together. Your experience is valuable now. Now people are like, well, I should do a podcast. What's too late now? Shoot yourself.

No, there's tons of opportunity out there. You just got to switch it around. You're not going to go into the comedy podcast now. Yeah, there's no point. Yeah. You're going to go into health or fitness or fucking pizza making or cooking or whatever you're into. And I think it's pretty cool because what I've been saying for a while

is that I think it's sort of like when people go to see comedians and they get mad that someone's dirty because they didn't do the research. When you say podcast, people think this. People think it's a conversation. And it absolutely can be that. And that's a great podcast. But now there's room for so much more. There's room for scripted things on podcasts.

There's people doing improv stuff on podcasts. There's people doing the New York City crime reported. There's so many different avenues for this to go down. And I feel like a lot of people, the conversation is great, but too many people want to do that. They want to be Mark Marin and do an hour interview. When there's no need, there's no, they're trying to fit into something that is already filled.

So do what you do good at. What I like about us is that we feel it out every week. Every week is fucking different like tonight. You know what? I didn't feel like a guest and I wanted to come out and talk to people about the surgery, what's going on with the special. Something fucked up happened today. I was walking out of the bedroom and my wife was crying in the bathroom.

My wife's been a little upset lately because they told us she had a high blood pressure. She's been doing that yoga 25 days that she went and the doctor said to her two weeks ago, and my wife's letting it go away for no reason. I go, listen, don't worry about it. Maybe that day you had salty fucking food. You don't fucking know. So she says, she was crying. I go, what are you upset about it?

She goes, you know, your friends back home really love you. And I go, why would you say something like that? She goes, because you wrote something and then I wrote something for Carmine Balzano and then his son wrote something and it was, and then Bobby Bender clicked on it until they really touched it, you know? I don't know. I drove around with her and I wrote. She went back to the doctor for, she got the flu now and then she came back and

I thought about what she said, you know, and it was like, this whole calm boy thing has made me think, you know, he was one of the biggest people I let down. Like I fucking guys, you have no idea. In 82, I don't think Carmine was even talking to me. Like it was well documented, don't let Carmine see it. He was just mad at you? He was just really, you know, I let him down.

I had let a lot of those people down, downtown. I was a real shit man when I left Colorado, when I left for Colorado in 85. I had burnt a lot of people and I was a real shit, you know? And I didn't know why I stood with half these people. I just knew that they had heard bad things about me and I was finished in their eyes. And I remember coming back at 91 and bumping into a Van Erie. And Van Erie goes, you know what he's asked me about? Your club buddy, give him a call.

And I was in so much shock. I was in so much fucking shock. And I called him and I said, hello. He was happy to hear from me and I apologized and he goes, it's all forgotten. You know, as far as I'm concerned, you're my son. Just keep in touch with me if you need some call. And I was telling my wife, you know, that I'm a very lucky guy because again, from one perspective, you look at it and you go, well,

he took your mom and your dad in an early age. I couldn't imagine being you. I couldn't imagine what you felt like. You can't imagine what I felt like. But over the years, like you said in the beginning of the podcast, it all worked out. But whoever, Buddha, God, whoever put a different set of family in my world, which is people like Timmy and people like Roger Holloway and people like George, people like you, we're not blood related.

We're from two different fucking worlds. If we do that DNA test on the energy.com, we've never crossed paths before. No. But we're brothers. And we've made that decision. And I made that decision with Timmy and I made that decision with George and Pete Pozzano. It's just so weird.

How I was blessed with the biggest family I could ever have, you know, and now with the podcast, these people, Chris Tone and these people that we, you know, Larry, you know, Larry texted me right before the show. He's the best. Talking land has become family. You know, when I go to Vegas, I can't. I always see two people.

I'm Mario Arias and Larry, you know, but this is all from this fucking podcast. We go to Austin, we go to fucking Chewie's with Crystal. And, you know, it's just an oaky spooky. You know, we've taken this into family now. We've created a nationwide family. Worldwide. But I wanted this because this is the concept I always had in my heart. When you become friends, you have acquaintances, you have friends,

and then you have fucking family. You know what I'm saying? Again, you have acquaintances. Hi, how are you? Great. We love that joke. In the meanwhile, they're like, he fucking sucks. Do you have acquaintances?

You have friends, people who will talk to you, but they won't bail you out of jail. You know what I'm saying? Right. They'll go to lecture here. When you call them, then you have family. And God bless me with a fucking great family. You know, I tell people on the podcast,

and I tell people in the Testicle Testaments, these stories about Conway and how great it was when I saw him beat Robson's dad up, or I saw him beat the gym teacher up. That's not what he really meant to me. When he first came into my life, I lived in a home that was, we had a lot of love, but it wasn't really a family house. My mom worked all day, my stepdad did his thing,

and I came in one as I pleased. You know, we saw each other at night, or we saw each other for breakfast, and we saw each other on the weekend, but it wasn't your normal thing. And at times I felt bad. Number two, I was a Spanish kid, in this basically fucking racist neighborhood.

You know, they all call them specks or shit like that. It didn't bother me. It didn't hurt my feelings at all. But how I had been treated before in that neighborhood, and how Conway took me into his home, I had never seen anything like that. I didn't feel like a speck in his house. All those insecurities went away without the drugs,

you know, without the bullshit, no money. It was just, he made me feel like family. You thirsty, go get yourself a soda. You're hungry, there's cold cuts in the refrigerator. And that went on to be offered to me for years after that, from the Holloway's and the fucking runnies, and you know, it's just been a weird life. But this is what this week, even with the surgery,

I've been thinking about it, right? When somebody dies, you look at your life a little differently. I was upset on Sunday, I cried a little bit. I went to Jiu-Jitsu, and as soon as I tapped him, walked off to him, and I just broke down. Really? Yeah, it was the weirdest thing in Jiu-Jitsu. I went to Jiu-Jitsu, strats, I saw Damon there with his son.

I strats, I talked to him, I did the fucking warm-up, and then I rolled with some kids and the class entered, and me and him rolled to about 130. And as I walked off, Paulino, the professor came up to me, and I just broke down. I'm not like one of those people that cries and walks around, and hey, once you get it out, you get it out. And when I start to get sad, I just say a prayer for him,

and that's it. But that's what I learned this week. Again, I realized that sometimes the fucking family you need is right in front of you, and we don't even know it sometimes. What you need is right in front of you, and that's the void he filled for me. It's not about him beating people up, him calling teachers for me.

It wasn't about that. I always interpreted it like that. It wasn't. It was about he saved me in a way. He gave me a little bit of confidence that I didn't have at that time. I was faking the confidence I had, but what he gave me at that time was the fucking best.

So, rest in peace come on my Bosano. Thank you for loving me and treating me like a son. Thank you for doing the documentary. It was great. It was a great show. What do you got this weekend? Fuck off. This weekend.

Tomorrow I have another podcast. And then that's pretty much it. Today, actually, today is myself and Paul's three-year anniversary. So we're going to go out for that. Tonight? Yeah. Really?

Yeah. What time are you picking? I'm so sorry. No, no, no, no, no. She's starting for the bar. We're doing it this weekend. Huh? We're doing it this weekend.

Oh, she's not going out today. No, she's starting for the bar. That's what, yeah, no. But so we'll do that. We're going to go to that place that you don't like, the black house with the great burgers. And then we're going to take some stars and go see Secret Life of Pets.

At least not take the fucking train. Take that Korean cat food. Those Korean pictures. We haven't been down there in a while. That's so good. Thank God. Because that's where your brother, that's where your dad got the gangrene in the beginning.

You didn't get gangrene. You took them there not this time, not the time before. Oh, I'll tell you, yeah, the two time before that. And that's when he started getting sick. I saw him fly. He's like, my stomach's been bothering me. And I didn't want to tell him,

Lee, took you for those fucking things. That's like my last bastion of like the old, like the old Lee. This is my terrible eating habits. But I don't think the dumplings- The dumplings bad for you? What are the calories though? They're probably not great.

I mean, depending- You dip them in that fucking sauce. Well, the steam, the dumpling part is like, the steam part probably isn't bad, but pan fried is always the best. Let's get to a serious point. Okay. Three years you've been with this woman.

What do you think so far? It's my longest relationship. It's, I don't know. It's really weird. It's weird. I'm turning 28 this month. Why don't you give her a present? I haven't, you know what?

I have to go get it. I have to go get it. I've been so busy. I haven't had time to go get a present. What do you want to get? She's weird and it's tough. And please, no, it doesn't matter. She doesn't really want the fancy gift.

I think the first one I got her was a Svorsky crystal. She liked the owl, so I got her one of those. And she likes it. I got her a pearl necklace once. Not the most expensive one, but like a hundred bucks or something. And she'd want it like once. But she loves, she likes doing things.

So I think maybe I'll take her, even though I'm banned from Vegas, she wants to go see Cirque du Soleil there at one point. So I was thinking that, I don't know. It's all my relationships before this never ever got to this point. It's, she's been very supportive where I think a lot of girls, especially in this town, might not be, especially with the schedule.

And there's, especially for a lawyer, I'm more like she could be with someone who would be making 500 grand a year easy in Beverly Hills. So it's, it's a credit to her. But it hasn't always been easy, but it's been, it's been great. It's, I mean, I, looking at you and Terry and, or in anyone who's over 10, 15, 20, 50 years, that's where I start getting a little bit of anxiety.

Like we're, we've been. Yeah, but this are the years that are really important. The first four, the first five, the first six, to the foundation, to the relationship. You know, you've been one up for three years. I've watched your growth. I've seen you grow as a fucking human being as a man. You know, so I just wanted to ask you after three years,

how you fucking felt? I didn't want you to give me a goddamn term paper. Oh, I don't know. I'm sorry to tell you, I like it. I don't like it. I'm a little confused that, you know, if she, you know, she's moving in, you're thinking of that. You're thinking of a lot of things, you know,

and I'm just really proud of you in more ways than one that you've, you know, you've turned this into a business for yourself. You have clients. We just discussed this shit six months ago. You know, you want to go do tattoo conventions, how to talk you out of that. And I'm just happy that three years, congratulations.

Thank you. So you want to take away? No, we're not going anywhere. I'm just, I was thinking about that. I don't know. I have to sit down the next two days and think about a gift. I don't really see it.

Get her some glasses. She's going to need them. Fucking no law. Get her some different glasses. Just go to fucking whatever data rate. What's the fucking glass place? Oh, it's grafters? Yeah.

Let's give her a gift certificate. She needs new shields. That could work. Yeah, she doesn't need me. Who the fuck you thinking of dealing with? So now I'm going to say, I'm here for you. Thank you. First off, as usual, I want to thank God,

to Ina.com. Always there for us this day. Fucking one. Listen, that's what's been, I've been doing hemp protein shakes the last fucking three days. Chocolate all the way through. That hemp, protein, chocolate,

whatever the fuck they call it. I don't know what they, because it's the vanilla assai. That one's okay. I like that one. But the chocolate flavor, sense, and all I put in there, the last two days,

because I wasn't eating the first day, I said I'll put a little teaspoon of ice cream. Vanilla ice cream. And then that ice cream, you dropped off to your day sensation. Oh, I haven't tried that yet. Don't ever bring ice cream to the house like that again. Sensation ice cream.

But to go back, listen, I live on that stuff, okay? I trusted 150%. I wonder how it's going to affect me now. The shroom tech sport. I wonder how it's going to affect me now with the breathing. I'm fucking more excited than ever.

But as usual, you know me, we can't help you out with the weight, so the sticks, I can help you out with the supplements. That's the hemp protein, the shroom tech, the MCT oil, any of that stuff. I'll get you 10% off.

Go to honet.com right now. Look at the great selection of nutrients they have. As you're checking out, what do you press? Church. Boom. C-H-U-R-C-H. And get 10% off your first order,

delivered right to your fucking house. Listen, honet sells itself. Alpha Brain, you don't like it? 100% money back guarantee. And we don't even want the product back. Nobody does that in the business. Go to honet.com right now. Again, Lee said in the beginning,

and I'll tell you what, every day I fall in love more and more with the Dr. Sura bag, with the Dr. Sura fanny pack. The gi is sensational. Don't fit me. I washed it. It feels fucking tremendous.

Their t-shirts, the rascals, they got $15 rascals on the web page. They got specials on there. Go to DSGear right now. Take a look at the fanny pack. Take a look at the bag they got to take to the gym. You put the water in there,

the protein powder. Listen, that's a smuggler's bag. They got pockets. I've had the bag for two months. Every week I find a new fucking pack on that bag. Do me a favor. Go look at the great selection of hemp-based gear at DSGear.com, press in.

Joey, boom. I'm giving you 5% off. That's how easy it is. Listen, thank you very much. I know this was not the most exciting podcast on it, but thank you for letting me come out here and not sit in the house and talk some shit. You have no idea how bad my head feels right now.

But I wasn't going to blow you motherfuckers off. So thank you very much. I'll see you next Thursday night at Flappers in the You Who Room. But I'll see you way before that next week, all right? I might see you Friday afternoon. We might do a podcast Friday afternoon. So I'll let you guys know tomorrow morning.

I love you motherfuckers. Have a great night. Stay black and thank you for being in. This show was brought to you by Datsuzara. Go to DSGear.com and use code word Joey to save 5% on all of their extremely high quality functional gear made with hemp textiles. They have bangs, geese, rash guards, fanny packs,

and much, much more. Just go to DSGear.com and use code word Joey to save 5%. Shows also brought to you by Onit.com. Go to Onit.com and use code word Church to save 10% on all of their optimization products like Alphabranic, New Mood, Shroom Tech Immune, and Shroom Tech Sport. All of their optimization products you save 10%

when you go to Onit.com and use code word Church. We all came out to monster on a lazy week in a show. Some making records with a mobile. We didn't have much time. The wings that were in the mobile were as the best things around. The sun's stooping with a blanket and the blaze is even crying.

Smoke from the water, the fire in the sky. Smoke from the water. It burns down the gambling house. It dies because of an awful sound. A bunch of corn was running in and out. Pulling sheets out the ground. When it all was over.

We had to find another place. The Swiss town was running on it. It slid off through a blizzard race. Smoke from the water, the fire in the sky. Smoke from the water. Smoke from the water. Smoke from the water.

Smoke from the water. Smoke from the water. Smoke from the water. Smoke from the water. Smoke from the water. Smoke from the water. Smoke from the water. Smoke from the water.

Smoke from the water. Smoke from the water. Smoke from the water. We did not open the surround. Yeah, it was empty, cold and bare But the rolling blood stones, they ain't just outside Making our music bare With a few red lights, a few old beds

We made a place this way No matter what, we get out of this I know, I know we'll never forget Small come the water A fire in the sky Small come the water We made a place this way No matter what, we get out of this

I know, I know we'll never forget Small come the water A fire in the sky Small come the water A fire in the sky Small come the water