Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #399 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 21, 2016

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt, live in studio! This podcast is brought to you by:   Indochino - Go to Indochino.com and use code "church" at checkout to get any premium suit for only $399, thats up to 50% off.   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/JOEY to get your first three meals free and free shipping!   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.     Recorded live on 07/20/2016.
  

Just in case things go deep. We got doughnuts to bail us out. Thank you. Just don't have an epileptic fit. Here you go, kid Should I take it now? No, no, next week. Yeah, now Let's start this fucking thing whoo This show is brought to you by blue apron Check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free. That's right You get your first three meals for free and there's free shipping When you go to blue apron.com slash joey, you'll love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home quick meals

With blue apron. So don't wait. That's blue apron.com slash joey Our show is also brought to you by indochino Indochino is offering our listeners any premium suit for just $3.99. That's up to 50% off And to get that you go to indochino.com and enter promo code church at checkout and to make it even better They're paying for shipping. So go to indochino.com and then to promo code church at checkout Show is also brought to you by on it.com Go to on it.com and use code word church to save 10% on all their amazing optimization products Like alpha brain new mood immune new mood shunt took immune and some tech sport

To wednesday night cocksuckers Here we go Taking a little psychological ride with you and shit Kick that muley kick that mule. They want to hear this. They want to hear this. Oh shit What The church of what's happening now, motherfucker Coming at you direct Lee sciat

Uncle joey Here we go black lives matter there you go listen to this shit it right here. There you go A white dude could never play that bass. That's all funk That's all soul How can you shoot that motherfucker? He had a weapon. No, he had a bass What's happening you bad mother fuckers Uncle joey here with his main goomba on his 28th fucking birthday. Thank you so much my main man. Lee sciat

What's going on? How was your birthday today my brother? It was good. It was um When I first got here it used to bum me out when I used to work on my birthday Oh, yeah, I forget what comedian has a joke about it. I think it might be jim gavigan having to work on your birthday sucks but it's just uh It's kind of weird. It's kind of turned into like almost any other day But it's always it's just nice to get to talk to people that I haven't got to talk to in a while Who'd you talk to I talked to uh steve simone. I talked to johnny rock. I talked to my parents a couple times

Had lunch with paula. It was uh I had to talk into that you were gonna have a lonely fucking birthday I wasn't gonna have a lonely but she's stunning for the bar. So I just a fuck Nobody has a lonely birthday. What are you fucking crazy? I can't uh I talk a lot of shit about birthdays. I talk a lot of shit about birthdays because You know, I live in LA we live in LA and people invite you to these seven o'clock Birthday parties in LA and they're a bunch of jerk-offs. They you know, I drive in traffic when there's eight people nine people They have to people in red don't show up

This guy shows up with this guy And it's a fucking and then the tab comes everybody's looking at each other with rabbitty is And there you are fucking paying for that. It's a fucking nightmare. I hate those birthday parties They're too fucking fake for me, but Uh, whenever somebody has a birthday Whenever somebody says it's their birthday I think back to my fucking 23rd birthday

You know, that's what I always think back to Was it good or bad? It was just it wasn't that it was good or bad It's that I spent it alone But it was at a time when I didn't need to spend it alone Like I just needed some communication And I had a little communication the daytime, but that was it. I was on my own the rest of the day And I took care of myself

I had like a my favorite chinese food and I had a little bit of pot You know, it wasn't a bad day. Like I was under a fucking wall or something. Right, but I always remembered how It just made me weird that I was alone and that's why tonight like when we're coming back We were gonna ask you I picked up mercy and I go what do you want to do and she goes I'm gonna go home I go it's li's birthday. What do you want to do and she's like get cake get cake? You know, so I go I wasn't gonna go get a cake anyway carve out But you said you had to eat with paul. So I wanted to take you to this new italian place. We got turned on to that even The baby it's there. It's fucking delicious

so, uh We stopped it and got you the cake and uh Listen man, it's not like It's a thousand dollar fucking car or uh, you know But you don't need like it's uh If I'm being honest with you like I like last night because I thought I knew I was gonna be alone today Like I thought I was going to be alone today and you're right. You don't need to be But I'm always I always do that. I always put stuff on my head that like nah, I won't bother anybody

No, no, no, no, it's not that you don't bother anybody. It's that um There's just this thing in life that it's A part of being decent, you know where You just tell somebody happy birthday. But if you know their circumstance or whatever And it's nice just to do something out of the fucking ordinary, you know with people I hate when people try to buy your birthday, you know, like, uh Give you like an expensive suit or something. I've always hated those birthday presents

I like when somebody calls me says this is gonna movies. I know you want to go to that movie Your birthday is on monday. Let's go see the one o'clock. You know, there's nothing going on on monday You know what I'm saying? Like that's the kind of shit you do on your birthday After a certain age that in my mind A nice fucking lunch A nice fucking movie to to to roots You go home. You take a nap, right? And then you have family dinner with your fucking family and they break your balls and you go to bed. That's your birthday

That's as hard as I want my fucking birthday. You know people who really know you. Yeah I don't like to fucking shake my gigs and people showing up and it's out of bar that shit drives me crazy At what point for you did gifts become weird? I'm at that point now people ask me like my parents keep asking me I'm like, I don't really need anything like I feel bad asking for a gift from you guys I always feel weird when I gotta get from somebody Especially somebody from like the podcast that listens to the podcast And I know how you justify it I justify it by knowing that we put out a free podcast and entertains them at work for an hour

And maybe if they didn't have a podcast They would uh, you know, they didn't have serious serious is on hours. I don't know a year or something like that So people give you gifts and I don't mind those. They're very thoughtful when you're on the road They're really thoughtful and you bring them home and you're like that was so nice to him To bring fucking pink floyd or send it to me in the mail or you know And those are the type of gifts because like when it's I mean everything that I've seen or been given on the road is always something usually something small Because it has to be they they have to give it to you. They give me shirts, but they know they know exactly what you like

Well, listen to the podcast. Yeah, exactly. It wasn't to the fucking podcast which makes it. It's like you're gonna give me a wallet You know, who needs a fucking wallet? I love my old wallet. You know what I'm saying? I go I stay with a wallet from broke and I throw it away Once you're broke and you throw the wallet away. It's a kiss of death But if it's a good wallet, you're okay with it. You're making a little money. Fuck you keep the wallet I don't care how I don't care if the flaps are falling off that motherfucker If it's bringing you get us you hold on to that Wallet really begins when it starts falling apart starts falling apart and you got to make adjustments

You got to put that picture grandma in the drawer instead of carry who gives a fuck. She's dead. You cast a check It's over She's on some planet whatever the fuck who knows I don't know Uh It's just really weird that I just don't like uh spending birthdays Ever since that birthday that birthday really solidified. I mean like I said, I don't want to go to an amusement park I don't want to have nothing. I don't want a hundred happy birthdays. I'm fucking facebook or myspace or whatever the fucking is I just want you to just treat me normally

That's it. I don't want to go fucking to a party. I don't want to wait because who adds I do it at the house now for mercy We got a carvel cake tonight. Did we not? Absolutely. Oh, yeah, it was nice and it was delicious So the Diaz family tradition is when there's a birthday you got a small carvel cake whether you want it or not Whether you want it or not, that's it That's the best we could do for you. It's a small car. She was so excited. I came in she was like we have a surprise There's cake And I was like

And there's nothing I knew it was going to be a carvel cake because it's you like, you never there's no There's no other cake for you. There's no vanilla cake. Do you ever have cake like that? You just you're the carvel man Listen, there's two cakes. I like There's that fucking carvel cake and that chocolate debt from that fucking restaurant. You go it over in Burbank. Oh, yeah That's it. I'm part of After a while all fucking cake tastes the same They all taste like somebody made it from fucking Betty Crocker that shit drives me crazy

If you're gonna make me a Betty Crocker cake, listen, don't bring a Betty Crocker cake to the fucking thing Leave it next to the ranch dressing because I'm already Betty Crocker the fuck out How many Betty Crocker cakes and eat your fucking life 8,000 the yeah You eat that yeah, they're delicious when you're 22 and 16 But when you're 40 and they show but that cream cheese fucking dressing I'm gonna stab me in the fucking neck be original switch up on the fucking frostings I know what that fucking shit looks like that that that uh, whatever that cup that comes that you lick the sides When that thing dries a little bit, that's cancer

Look at it when that chocolate dries on the spoon, that's cancer Why do you think I do those CBD drops now because I'm scared of all those fucking spoons I like with that fucking cancer on it. You know, many containers of that shit I ate when I was a kid just getting high You would eat containers of frosting that frosting shit that come me and three other fucking savages and aspen Well living snow master guys from Mankato upstairs would eat that shit at night when they got high What would you dip it in dip a spoon just boom these straight frosting three of us with three fucking spoons Bam bam bam bam bam bam that chocolate

Fudge whatever that's cancer. You could taste the cancer particles as you're eating it. Yeah, it's like all chemicals are delicious Yeah, no no no and you know what it's like it's only it's like hostess cakes I grew up on hostess cakes those fucking apple pies delicious those uh The yo-yo whatever the fuck they are the circle thing with the whatever in the middle made by hostess Look at what what a yum-yums or yodels or thing yodels those things I grew up on those fucking things You look at a yodel. That's cancer those little cancer sticks. That's cancer But they're fucking delicious while you're eating them. You know, you like chemo can suck my dick

You don't give a fuck about that shoot It's the truth Go down and get one of those apple pies now. They're fucking They're still delicious and you know you're getting diabetes like as you're eating it. Look at the calorie count on it It's like each apple pie is 600 fucking calories. I never even tried though So are those like just little handheld apple pie 7-eleven those hostess pies that now everybody makes like three Isis makes one Fucking 7-eleven took over the company. They make one and then uh hostess is made. It's this jesus. Let's chicago

And also the 7-eleven fucking steals the idea. How are the isis ones are the isis ones good? They're not bad They're not bad. I had one one night in desperation somewhere They're not bad. I love those apple pies dog. I grew up on 38th street when we walked up to the fucking uh, the dragon the chinese dragon That's the first thing when you walked in there when you walked into hashways. That's the first thing you saw a rack for fucking hostess cakes The donuts the chocolate donuts are delicious. They make a box of chocolate donuts You ever take a box of hostess chocolate donut the little one the donuts of course a box. Oh, yeah, you go for my god I've probably eaten enough for a display

Those things I like the I like the glazed ones and you know what those are the only time I get powdered donuts Those little white ones. I never buy powdered donuts. Yeah, those little white ones are good. You know what they good with what what do I hate? Milk oh, but you know what those powdered donuts are good with milk You dip those powdered donuts in a little bit of milk Let it drain really good so them you can't taste the milk fucking delicious Fucking delicious. You understand me fucking delicious Oh my god, so how you feeling man? How's the nose feeling the nose is fucking tremendous I gotta give kudos to dr. Mazza and dr. Lion's office

Everything is beautiful. I'm sniffing I'm off the fucking aphron uh two weeks now 10 days whatever Um, I'm breathing. It's overwhelming at first when you walk and when you go on the elliptical And when you do kettlebells, I mean, but I have to reprogram my breathing So I had to start reading dr. Belize's book from scratch again And that's what I started doing Saturday. It was just doing those exercises that she teaches, you know the the the cat The cat cow position Exhaling and breathing sitting down and feeling you fucking pelvis. So I've been doing that again

Just to try to get I want the next mission is to get the sleep apnea mask off So we got to shrink the fucking neck. I'm not going under surgery That means we're going into deep fucking murky waters of exercise. I got a new plan going on So if you lose it like weight, you'll be able to get rid of the the data. I hope so. I hope so I burned a lot of this fat around my fucking neck if you look at pictures from the longest yard and shit My neck has shrunk a lot, you know, I'm saying you could see my Adam's apple again There was a while there you can see it was just a fucking string from here down Now I've got the fat hanging from the fucking meat that was in there. Oh, yeah

I'm not gonna look at that. I don't give a fuck dog. No no more surgeries No, I would never do a vanity surgery like that Have they asked you to have they've been like, oh, you can do this. No, no nobody says nothing to you I'm just saying that I don't want to do plastic surgery or nothing like that. That's not my world Nothing, you know knock on wood I've never really had a fuck with that stuff and I don't really want to do that stuff I ain't gonna get no better looking at this point. Well, what the fuck are we gonna do to me? You're gonna tighten my skin around my eyes. What are you gonna do?

I had a birthmark removed when I was really young and it ended up fucking me up because I was on my leg and I had a lower locker because I'm a midget So I like I had to I always have the lower locker And I I bend down and all my stitches popped So now like I don't have feeling in like half of like my upper thigh Like you gotta be careful with those surgery. There's no reason to do those I gotta go see dr. Amy because since the surgery I got a pain in my left wrist I got the original pain I had in there was really weird. Maybe it was the anesthesia

You get effects after a surgery So when I woke up from the surgery guys my my Tuesday and wednesday night I couldn't even fucking sleep from the pain in my wrist It would wake me up in the middle of the night if I left my wrist twisted or something So I would have to sleep on my right side And the pillow there was too high and it kept slanting my mask It was two nights of fucking horror The wrist pain was so fucking bad now now

I stretched it. I did the fucking exercises And now the pain that same little pain has shifted back To my left my right knee So that means there's a pain. There's an energy that's trapped in there I gotta go to dr. Amy to stick some fucking needles And I gotta tell you some dr. Amy hasn't even called me to check in on me one fucking time So I'm really surprised That's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, I thought about today. I haven't spoken to dr. Amy

She wanted me to come down last thursday. She goes. I'll call you wednesday night and ask you see how you are I never heard from dr. Amy again. So it's kind of fucked up. I gotta call her the monster I gotta wake her up out of the fucking grave But something weird happened today, man. Something weird happened that I don't like I had to talk to her but but in talking to that friend of mine um I remembered something You know, I often think about my life and I think about the gaps

That let me get involved in the things I got involved in, you know, unless you're a fucking moron you have to look back at your life And go, okay, when was the first time I did heroin? Oh, I did heroin in my mom's basement when I was uh 16 at 3 30 in the afternoon when she wasn't home because She was out playing fucking cards and your dad was working till 9 o'clock at night So you always think about those holes in your game as a young man. So someday when you become a parent You know, you don't have those holes in your game I came from a home that My mom respected me and I loved her and she loved me

but You know, uh, you act up You act up Lee and something has to be done My mom had a couple different punishments, you know, she had Attacking me and smacking me and sending me to my room punishment or the punishment You're punished for a week punishment. No fucking tv That type of stuff which is which is the standard I could look you in the eye as a man and say I was not abused as a child

Beat up or anything Everything that came to me. I got You follow me. I'm one of those guys. I tell you the truth about that type of stuff. So I understood that but A friend of mine posted some idea friend of mine who I love dearly posted something on facebook That was a weird question about it's chopped This child wouldn't stop hitting. What do you recommend and I saw it late last night. I read the post of these fucking people

And some of it was bullshit, but some of it was meant. I don't believe in hitting a child Lee I don't believe in attacking a child, but let me explain something to you You always have to maintain with that child that you're an authority figure And that's very hard to do You know what I mean? That's a hard job because because you love them so much And you don't want to like you don't want to yell at them or like what what's the reason because you love them so much One two, it's like if you had a job in a warehouse If I was a boss in a warehouse and I had an eight-man crew when we loaded trucks that night

I would treat you with respect And give you a lot of love so if there was a problem you come to me and we could fix it But at the same time with all that love and all that respect I told you about my work ethics We're only taking break times off. We're working straight. Listen. You want to get out of here early? We'll work through lunch and we'll get out of here early done. Let's go We're all in business if somebody can't come in one night to load a truck Let us know and we'll fix it for you. We'll cover for you. We'll all be prepared to you know, I'm saying

Where people wouldn't quit People would want to come into the job whether they were getting $10 an hour or $22 an hour Do you ever you ever have a boss in a situation where they just scumbags tea all the time? Okay, did you ever figure out where they were fucking coming from? Did you ever think to yourself like where's this fucking moron coming from? Yeah, I mean, I would really I would think a lot about like how to get bummed Why would this guy act this way over this fucking they have a sad life or something like that's what it's the weirdest fucking thing So I could never see myself acting like that even towards a child Listen, I'm not going to tell you mercy's is the perfect child because she's fucking not

Mercy still has a lot of buck wild little things. I told my wife the other day mercy has a couple tendencies That's scared the shit out of me, but at the same time. I'm happy she has them Oh my god, that's tough. Do you know what I'm saying? Because I see her tonight in front of you She wouldn't stop till I say i'm sorry And you kept asking like why why what why what did I do and she was like no just say it You follow me. She has that quality where she'll say i'm sorry to you she'll uh

I hear a lot of fucking no I'm not And I got to hear my wife getting rough with her a little sometimes my wife will say get up Get up, you know and stuff like that, but I'll go to check what's going on and I get where mercy's coming from Do I like that? She's telling my wife. No, I not Not really but this is gonna this is gonna be another situation in her life Where somebody's gonna say something this way and she's gonna say no, I'm not I'm not fucking doing that That's the tendency that I like when she says it This the situation that she's saying it to her mom

since the age of three As she said to me a couple times now look at and talk to her in Spanish and then she puts her head down And then I ask her to apologize. She'll give me like 10 minutes Sometimes she'll apologize. Sometimes I put her in a timer. I don't dream of hitting mercy or choking her but um And a lot of guys that listen to the podcast timmy, you know listen to the podcast a lot. He knows that We grew up in homes then when we get hit a certain age as men We get a little froggy with our dads

And our dads have to put us in our place You know I'm saying this is if you come from a particular household one day your brother comes in and he's like I'm not doing that And your dad's like, what are you talking about? You know, I'm not doing that next. You know, there's a fucking wrestling match and you live You know and it gets ugly in some homes, but at that point that dad has to crush that whole thought That he has he has to push that situation to the limit. Do you understand me? I do but here's the thing though in doing that like how do you make sure that you don't Crush out the thing that you want in mercy like that. No, I know it

Like you have to discipline her So she doesn't do it to to your wife and you but you don't want to crush it out of her Right. No, no, no, no I just try to talk to when she says no I not that the time try to talk to her about it And I know that at this age now it's bad for her to talk to me as parents, right but Later on I'll remind her that no, I'm not Okay, that makes sense different situations as she'll have it already inside out because she's been saying that for a year now

So when I'm trying to explain to you when you have a man in the house Like in this situation on my friend Something happened at school. I don't really know the whole ups and downs to say this But he seemed a little concerned And I said there's two times in life where a man has to step up to his child And it's right now with him and his child where You have to

scare him More than hit him. Do you see him talking today? Absolutely. I'm still scared of my parents. So I told him that to sit him down tonight And explain to him, you know, I don't care if he's five That he can't do what he's doing anymore and think the way he does anymore And he can't raise his hands to his siblings blah blah blah nobody else And the next time he does That's just gonna be some problems And at that point he comes home one day three days later and this kid's in trouble again

You know, uh, he hasn't really ever struck him or whatever and you don't want to strike your child, but You also want to let him know who's running the operation. I told him grabbing by the back of the neck you throw him up out of the chair You drag him to the bathroom on the floor and take an extra walk with him dragging him ripping his shirt in the meantime You get to the bathroom you throw on the cold water You pick him up your rip his clothes off and you put him in the cold water You take him out and you whip him with a belt you put him in the cold water And you whip him you dry him off and you make him go in his room naked And he's in there for seven days

Happy on style only to come out and eat not even to come out and eat he eats his meals in there And while he's in there for entertainment, he's got a right. I will not disobey Or I will not disrespect or I will not raise my hand to such and such To his fucking fingers bleed If he's not in school, that's what he's doing And it was so weird while me telling her the story. I remember where I got this from And let me tell you something The person who did this

today in today's world All three of those children are successful Two girls married their high school sweethearts They did not do drugs the boy did drugs But today they're fine They all got college degrees. They all paid back their loans When I was a child my mom was a godmother to a girl in miami

Are you with me and in return His father the girl's father jackalin Was my dad's best friend from cuba like they had grown up together. Okay, so For some reason he was away And he was supposed to be my godfather but gabby stepped in and covered for me This guy's name was redolpho Okay, and I was very young. I was very lucky at a young age And I was telling my wife this that I want this for my daughter or something happens to me

That I wanted to take cultural vacations Not to a different country and nothing but different parts of the country Especially some part of the country that is in her roots like for me it was miami So my mom would send me by myself To miami from the age of six To 13 I would go to miami every summer for three weeks Maybe four

And I would stay with this family And I won't condition that I did it accordingly to their rules So I had to behave myself My mom would give me a couple hundred and to give to them and they were allotted to give it to me Okay, okay at that age so my mom would give me 500 for four weeks and I had to give it to them And when I asked them for 20 bucks to buy lunch from my cousins They would say yes, and they would give me the money. It was a really good score Now would you look forward to it as a kid or fuck? Yeah. Yeah, fuck. Yeah

It was three weeks four weeks of being on a On a beautiful property and going to the beaches and going to baseball camp and going to more beaches and going to people swimming pools and cooking outside and It was a surreal life. He loved me and I loved him The kids I loved them and they loved me. But the point of this fucking story was He was what he was but in real life she was a professor in cuba And she had been raised in a certain way in cuba. She was a beautiful woman. She's still alive today Okay, my uncle were doubtful. He's dead and buried 10 times already

this woman Did whatever they did but one day had three kids and stopped And became a mom in the meantime. She you know, not like my mom. She took care of herself and She had hobbies and yeah from time to time. She would have a cocktail But in the summers part of our deal if I went down there was that I had to do a curriculum whatever vivian said to me Like a schoolwork. Oh, yeah, so even if you didn't have school it didn't mean you were gonna play all day So let's say we would get up at six And eat breakfast and stuff like that and then we'd watch tv for an hour and by eight

We all had to go into the kitchen And she'd buy workshops work workbooks For like, you know, this is crazy She'd buy american workbooks and we'd have to sit there and work on math english reading geography We for how long tell about 11 o'clock for three hours and then

She would from there we'd go to lunch or something And then we come back home and do the same for another hour But in that hour instead of all of us doing it jack one would play the piano while we were doing work So the mother would sit with us help us with our homework And at the same time listen to jackal and play the fucking piano And we go you messed up there. You messed up there. Do it again. Do it again. Let's go and she'd sing it So she'd be working with three fucking kids And at the same time working with jackal and on the piano

Now they had a nephew, you know, the two girls were great But the little boy was a fuck up He was the middle and I shouldn't say fuck up. He was just a little boy that was surrounded with girls year round When you have two girls and you grow up as a boy in the middle, you lose your fucking mind from time to time They fuck with your shit, you know, and they get into a fist fight. So he had a rule in this house He couldn't hit his sisters But sometimes the sisters hit him and he couldn't stay ahead so he would push him and then he would get jacked up

Let me tell you how they would fucking punish this kid No matter what happened where it was What time of the day it was let's say we were outside climbing the tree And the sister came out the younger sister and she would say something to him Help me go up to the tree and he would go all right and he would help her up They get into an argument she threw a twig at him and with his luck He would throw a twig at her but it would hit her in the eye And then she'd run and bleed and dog. They would just she would come out the mother

And say olfito come here. I mean this was criminal And when olfito would walk up, she would reach her hand behind his fucking neck And basically pick him up like a clean And then just turn around and he'd be dragging he go. I didn't hit her I didn't hit her and on the walk over there his shirt would be ripping Here's where I got this from his shirt would be ripping And he'd be yelling and it would be in a split fucking secondly Like like I didn't hit him like it was just fucking crazy like me and you were just playing

You and I were just throwing spitballs at each other and all of a sudden the third spitball Seemed to hit you in the fucking eye. I was right there It wasn't on purpose But she didn't give a fuck because she would say to him before the whole game started listen If something happens don't say no to me later, but that was his luck That no matter when she said that like if we were playing like one day we were fucking hitting eggs or something I don't know what we're doing He had that luck that everything would just go wrong for him. He was always a year younger than me. We communicate today

And that's why I was thinking about this She would rip him by the fucking neck drag him to the shower Put cold water on and throw him in the shower with clothes off And sometimes while he was in the shower, she'd smack him with the belt Depending on the severity of what he had done or sometimes she would rip his fucking clothes off Dry him off and then put him in his bedroom. And you know what the punishment was? He had to kneel on two beans For hours Lee Hours in the fucking room

Facing the wall kneeling on two beans. Trust me. She made me kneel on two beans for a fucking couple hours here and there Because she'd give you options. Either I whipped the fuck out of you either you could write Or you could kneel on beans all day naked And you'd have to kneel on beans naked facing the fucking wall And the sisters would walk by and giggle at him and shit. He would cry Stop it. Gina. Mommy. Gina's making fun of me. She commends. That would happen one time when people were like, I'm not going back to Aunt Karen's house ever again. Like that sounds like that never happened In like I probably got spanked maybe under 10 times. They wouldn't spank me. I remember doing the fucking lines the punishment lines

And I also remember kneeling on the beans and I also remember doing Yard work for four fucking days straight. That was torturous with no gloves With millham. You know, like she would make you feel like you're in trouble so much at this You know, we would throw rocks. I would be a new york city kid that would go to miami And I would do new york city stuff in a different fucking thing that they never saw before and they would do things I had never seen before You follow I'm saying to you so we would ride bicycles and they'd say don't do this and all of a sudden Me and all like, I don't know. They would so we were like, let's say I was eight and offito was six

They would say don't do don't pop wheelies on the bikes Okay, because I would send the bike down or I would just I would save my money all year and buy a bike And when I went to see is down there by the bicycle. So when I would go down there in the summers, I had my own bicycle Okay, so I could ride around with them in those days You could ride a bicycle without a helmet and deep ads and you'd have to be fucking dressed the arm But I ride a bicycle. It was suburbia. It was real suburbia. There really wasn't any traffic We could ride around this block two thousand times before we saw a car in those days. Wow, okay So we all had bicycles down there. So let's say they'd say those don't pop wheelies

And also no feet that would fucking fall off the bike and they'd say, how'd you pop a wheelie? No, how'd you hurt yourself? I popped the wheelie. I tell you not to pop wheelie or get in there Now I'm taking the bicycle and I'm gonna run it over with the car But they didn't really run it over with the car. They would just make him go inside. He cried They're gonna run my car over. They're gonna put it in the dumpster But let me tell you something man. I didn't get that type of exclusive discipline And you know what? I remember going down there when I was about now Jackie and I around the same age

And I'm maybe two years older than a feet though and maybe four years or five years older than Gina And when I went back down an age or feet though was doing drugs, but the other two girls Not at all And then my uncle went to jail So they had to sell the house and the property and moved to Atlanta And while they weren't Atlanta that's when my mom died and I would keep in touch with them And then I lost contact with them and recontacted with them in 84 And the one girl was already getting married

The other one was already in college Do you think if the uncle hadn't gone to prison you would have moved in with them when your mom passed away without a shadow? I would doubt That was already pre-planned While my mother was alive. There was conversations about me moving down there because there was a school down there called Loyola A private military school or some shit And they had threatened me with that school And Rodolfo always wanted me closer to him anyway because he always felt guilty about my dad dying

But when I was a kid they were fucking strict with their kids And let me tell you something we used to go to restaurants and shit constantly Because they had dough so the old man would take us to seafood restaurants and shit And those kids were well behaved and I was always well behaved because my mom took me to restaurants And she would fucking smack the fuck out of me if I embarrassed her But it's so amazing how I looked back at the discipline they had And I look at how they turned out and it doesn't surprise me And so did they get beat the fuck up? No, they didn't

They got punished the old fashioned way. They got punished by writing out paid. Listen When you got that punishment, you know the eight o'clock hour when you watch cartoons, right? You would get up eat breakfast and at eight o'clock you had to be in the living room on the table to have like a card table And the card table was always set up year-round in a corner next to the piano That was always there for anybody who fucked up And you just sat there from eight to six o'clock at night

And just wrote I will not disrespect Lee again And the eyes had to be under the eyes the wills had to be under the wills The real not disrespect every little ease had to be under the leaves and you wrote pages lee So you wrote from eight to five and then you took an hour break And then from seven to fucking nap time you wrote again But she always gave you a break on the third day You know what three days are doing that is no you have no idea when she got super pissed She'd make you write in English and in Spanish

And then my mom picked that up from that that's when my mom picked that up When I got older her and one would make me fucking write lines constantly fucking all day all day it's uh Raising children is fucking tough man and you have to make some Wildest decisions like How would it make you feel

With like with your not with your friend or even went as a kid Since you grew up with discipline if you went over and saw one of your friends Like back talking their parents wouldn't make you like Like freak you out a little bit and you still you still like what the hell is happening I can make a joke about this, but I don't really remember who the family was I'd like if I had to narrow it down The first white kid I ever seen disrespect his family was a kid by the name of Michael Olson from down in union term bike

They were irish And I've talked about this guy before because he's on facebook now. He's very unique now. He's got teeth But when we were kids he had been smoking from such a young age From my 10 or 11 he had been smoking like he had eight or nine brothers They were all irish. They all had freckles. They all had red hair And his teeth were so cavities And so green and so unbrushed That he got cavities and he would put his cigarettes

In the cavity and smoke the cigarette But one time, you know Listen, man, you don't know what kids houses are going to be like when you get invited over there One time he called me up and he's like, well, I don't know if he called me up We got together and he goes, you want to walk me to my house? And I went over to his house Michael Olson lived off a union term bike next to a body mechanic shop Where people tow cars and shit like that. His family lived there. They didn't have much money They just have nine or 10 kids

And I remember going in there and the mother talking to him and him saying his shit to the mother And my heart stopped. Yeah, it just stops. Oh my god It's like, are you gonna die now? Like that's just if you're gonna be dead. My friend's gonna be dead and they're just not I'm almost as if it was the Olson's He's on facebook. He's got a hat on and shit hysterical Like a fucking like a journeyman or some shit You have the one comment that just like

Could kill someone but it's like it's it's just for them like the guy he has a hat on Like he like he probably loves that hat if he was like, what's wrong with the hat? He talked about why didn't him? Why doesn't Joey like that? But he's like, it's not like a normal baseball hat It's like an indiana jones hat Why would you put an indiana fucking jones hat unless you're explorer? He must love it. It's his it's his facebook profile. I love a lot of things. I love the police with hat In the outlaw josey wells that that's seen there somebody shot him But before that with the hat, I love that hat. I can't wear that hat first one too

My head don't fit in those fucking things. I got a weird shaped head. My head doesn't fit any house So from there on that's it but it's uh As a parent you're always trying to figure out how to discipline And you learn how to discipline how you got disciplined, you know I never got cracked with a whip I got cracked with hands Couple objects couple elbows, you know Shit like that. I didn't even get that. I I still remember the first time I saw

A kid get like even just Smacked in the back of the head Like I had never seen it before and this kid I remember like it was like it was yesterday was my friend's house. They had two older brothers and I don't even remember what the older brother did. I think he took like a thing of pudding from some from the other brother And the father just looked and gave him a quick in the back of the head and I must have looked like a deer in headlights

because I had never like the The only thing I remember about Like the few spankings or the same things I got is like it felt like the or like the world just slowed down Like it was in slow-mo like that bong hit And like it was because it happened so so like infrequently and it wasn't it was just so weird but so the When you were saying about like throw the kid into the shower like that's where you're gonna get some kickback These days

Well, here's the deal You're not hitting the child. You're putting the child in shock Okay, you're taking the kid out of his comfort zone completely Right, he's never been dragged on the floor and he's never been thrown a fucking cold child before That's gonna blow his circuitry right there Especially when your mom does it or your dad who loves you, you know who loves you And now he explained himself to you before it happened. That's the key You have to explain yourself. It's nobody ever listens to it. This kid's not gonna listen to it

This is why this has to happen This is why this has to happen a lot of people don't listen to me going. What the fuck are you talking about? You know, it's tough to raise a child. Would I fucking throw my daughter in the shower if she wouldn't listen to me again? Abs of fucking Lutely Abs of fucking Lutely a cold fucking shower and go. What the fuck is your problem? This is the deal here This is the fucking deal in this house. This is how you have to behave yourself. This is how you have to act, you know It's uh, and it must be weird just just from the like the fact like you

Like being over there tonight. I could never imagine Being annoyed with mercy in two seconds. Oh, yeah, she's gonna get annoying at some age And she's gonna talk back to her mother And she's gonna come to me for fucking, you know Whatever leverage and I got to be honest with her and explain how that her mom is the fucking boss That you know, you have to if not you lose the fucking battle, you know So that I know the position I'm gonna be It's not like I don't know already. I don't see it played out. I see the hand in front of me

I'm pretty stern with it You know, I am pretty stern with it and I grab her and I talk to her And then I hug her and I explain to them sometimes she cries And sometimes she gets it She just gets up and runs away and then comes back 10 minutes later We're right back where we started from but I told her not to hit my nose And you know what three of those days she kissed my nose And she didn't jump on top of me. She's not a bad kid, you know

But when she gets 10, there's gonna be problems when there's six there's problems, you know, there's always something But you have to be there That's the most important thing And and and teach them well You know something happened last week spoke speaking to my teacher. I've been dying to talk to you about this. This is why I'm I'm happy to guess mood and it was us because

I've always had a problem Especially when I was a kid. I always had a problem with people When we went out and did drugs That was scared Okay So friday night, we're here. We're fucking around I'm still I get the stitches out. You know, we've had this liquid acid for god knows how long Me and lily let's just do a little drop. It's now

I've been practicing with the cbd oil because the thing's expensive So you can't just fucking take it like a savage So it says seven drops and you start counting the drops, you know say if he tells me to take seven I'm 300 pounds. I take 10 for the cbd. No for the cbd. No, no So then we bumped into the guy at the chinese restaurant. Yeah, and uh One thing leads to another And me and liya discussing this shit and I take the one dropper out and again I tap this thing down to the least minimal and I give it one to myself

And then I give one to li now the one I gave to li was so small but li moved and it hit his lip So that kind of is like a hat not even I did uh, I know what I looked at In fact, if you ask li I did it a couple times to see what a full drop was And then I did it again and I just played with it a little bit. Tell me that's what you're doing But yeah, yeah, I got I try to get the least amount in there to us just to try it out Li's never done it before I haven't done it in years We did the blotter that one time But I just I don't believe in excess the first time and we saw the gentleman. He told us not to fuck around

So this time I go li ready for another one li does a little one again again. I dabble with it Boop. I got a little one in there I don't know if we did one right away or we waited a little while. I broke your balls And then we did one. Okay, boom We do the three little dabbles Somewhere along the line. I felt uh A little nausea and I felt like my body shivering and stuff

But at one point in the podcast I blew a smoke out I blew smoke out out of a bong And I saw how li looked at the smoke for a minute and I'm like, oh fuck We're gonna have a problem here. So I thought the acid was gonna kick in for me really good The podcast ended the guest left li and I stayed here for another 35 40 minutes talking and I tell you what the acid rattled my cage a little bit But it wasn't like the 80s where I had to go home and drink orange juice and hide and put earphones on and You have the sudden urge to take a shower and scrub your toes and all this shit because to make to clarify

We did the first one before And we do the second one till after okay, so I knew because so we did three of them, right? I only did two. Okay. I thought we did three half drops like real small drops Maybe you did for me, but I thought I only did two. Okay, so that was it Lee and I have a conversation I walk home on the walk home. I feel weird, you know when you take acid And once it's mixed with your heart and you start moving Now it's a different story You might kick up the speed from you moving the adrenaline kicks up the acid

Okay, and also in your tripping and I and also I'm like, oh boy. I'm gonna start breathing out of my nose Thank god. They took the stitches out and I'm breathing out of my nose breathing out of my nose and finally guess what guys nothing happened I go upstairs. I do my usual. I wash my hands. I take a piss. I wash my hands I say hello demies and living room. I put the tv on I get some water I get the pipe. I get the lyser. I go outside and when I finish fucking smoking no pipe right there I'm like, I'm fucking starving And I go on the thing, but there's more to the story. I'm sitting here afterward with at the 40 minute mark

And I just have to go home tired. I got a baby said mercy at nine And all suddenly goes boy, are you hot? First off, I see him get up by himself and he turns off the red and blue lights in the studio So I'm watching all this and I'm like this kid's fucked up But I'm not fucked up So I took the same amount as lee. I think lee took a little less than me Because one drop fell on his thing. I go lee put it back in your on your tongue So whatever. I'm not accusing you anything lee. I'm just saying that at that point I felt guilty

Because I'm like, when is this gonna kick in? All right, lee has done two things so far that showed me that he could be seen something when he looked at the smoke And when he asked me if it was hot in here That's never a good time when somebody asked you if it's hot in here So I opened the door and then he says to me boy, it's so hot in here. I gotta take my shoes off No, wait, does he take his fucking shoes off? But he takes his socks off like it's the 60s in here And he's like boy, I feel better Once you feed a hot that means you're tripping

But again, I'm sitting here guys to my fucking god is my weightless I'm not fucking feeling nothing. I'm feeling the reefer. Do we eat any stars? No, we had no fucking stars That's why we took the acid. We smoked a lot of bonkers. We smoked a lot of fucking bonkers speaking of which it's time for another bonker Oh, Jesus. It's your birthday bonkers. So uh I didn't think nothing of it. I go, he can't be this fucking high Maybe he's playing with me. But then he says something else to me. He goes Doug, it's still fucking hot in here

And I go, well then I don't know what to tell you and he's moving the table And I'm going why you moving the table? He goes, I'm thinking of laying down over here Didn't you lay down on the couch for a minute? Yeah, he laid down on the couch. I'm like, oh, no But again, I'm not tripping. So I'm tired. I go home again. I told you motherfucker I go home and put the tv on I drink some water I call him back to check up on him And now he tells me he's got a shirt off Which to me is hysterical Frank. He's got his shirt off. He's got his shoes off the socks off

He's in the office here and god knows what he's thinking about. Were you tripping at that point? Okay, so here's the thing. What do you mean tripping? Were you seeing things? Were you hearing voices? No, I've never the most I've ever tripped was I'm one of those times with the blotter and Like my keyboard like he's started floating away, but I didn't trip like that this time What you said at the beginning about people with fear at that point for me was fear because

It's uh, it like I'm not like what I kept thinking Was like I'm not supposed to be doing this Like I'm a kid who grew up In suburbia didn't I tell you you were thinking that you told you you kept telling me that I wasn't thinking at the point But then you're sitting there thinking fucking I went to emerson. I got good friends. I had to agree Why am I fucking doing acid with this fat fucking loser? Not even that just acid and then I was actually a little annoyed with you that you left. I was like, right. I remember because nothing was happening for me

I'm like and I can't risk taking another one and being up all night and then having mercy at eight o'clock In the fucking morning yelling in my face. I mean I could take care of anybody But I couldn't risk taking another one. I didn't want to give you another one No, and but there was nothing for you to do here like that was the thing There was nothing you were gonna do and I realized all this later And I don't know with you. Does acid get you energetic. Is it like an upper? Oh, it fucking picks everything up. Okay, because yeah, I'm I always walk around like a crazy person I'm picking things up. I'm putting it down. It's really I start organizing. I've organized

When he talked to me and when he spoke to me and he told me that he had his shirt off I got a little scared from I stayed up a little while longer. Uh now I call back And by this time he's telling me this fucking story About that. He got an uber the mexican gangbanger showed up with a fucking crucifix on the dashboard Listen to spanish music. It was supposed to be a 2007. What he showed up with 97 a 1997 easily and it was it was like He was he was creeping up the road like going like probably his foot on the brake. He had me use it going And it was just it was the kind of leather where it really wasn't connected to the seat

Whatever it was anymore. It was just kind of loosely there And I just got in And I like I shouldn't have gotten in But as soon as I was like, this is not cool, man And then I had already put my address in because I didn't want I didn't want to talk to anybody I was like, okay, I'll just put my address in I'll go home But then he's like and then he kept asking me things but He just he pretty much man. He didn't speak english. I mean

I I felt racist at the moment me like especially with acid it makes you feel really like shitty about like bad things in your life so I felt racist but I was like Man, I need you need to at least be able to speak english like a little bit like And and like I just didn't feel comfortable with him knowing where I lived Like it was just I didn't feel it just I'm not a very street wise person. I don't think I didn't that was the acid And you're also making your ultra paranoid right a little bit paranoid But I could just imagine when you were at when you got into the car

It was like a scene from a fucking movie. Oh my god So this happens he gets in a fucking car and goes back to the train station I have him take two lefts and take me back to the train then he gets attacked by a fucking hooker With a fur jacket on or something like that. What happened there? Oh there I saw he let me off of the train And there was this like a wild pack of like, you know the warriors It was like the black version of the warriors But they were just running around and they were trying to find a street and like half the group wanted to go one way

Half the group wanted to go the other way And then I kept I was just walking Up a dirt path and I was gonna call another uber, but I was like First of all, I didn't want him to get the call And I also didn't I just didn't feel safe. So I was just walking in this like dirt path next to the train And it's like In my head was a hooker She could not have been but in my head she was wearing like a big fur coat had like a big furry like

Something in front of her like a ball like a big one furry box or something. It was really weird Did she say something to you? No, she like I was You know, I was I was very nervous that she was gonna be like Want a party or whatever hookers say and I was like, I don't want to talk to anybody right now And you just walk back to the office and just walk back to the office now when you got home. What happened now? What time is it? You did the acid here at seven o'clock seven thirty, right? What time was it when you got home? I'm probably close to one o'clock. I think what were you feeling at that point?

Still nervous And real real energetic. I was I was going around my house cleaning But I would only clean like one thing like I would clean like one dish and then go clean something in the bedroom I'll just keep out bounce around my apartment And No voices no music No, not this was just speed catching up you up. Oh, yeah I listened to some podcast. I think for a little bit. I tried to watch tv

But tv's always weird the face is always that's where I hallucinate With with tv It's weird. Although the faces kind of get jumbled up and like it always seems brighter But the contrast seems off And when you're seeing this, what are you thinking about all this? It just it just At that when I'm with with tv it reminds me that I'm fucked up I'm like, oh shit. I'm fucked up because when I'm nervous. I just try to convince myself. I'm not that fucked up I'm like, you'll be okay. You're not that fucked up. You're okay. You're okay. It's getting better. It's getting better

Now what time did you leave the house? Okay, well It was it got better around like three between like three and four Because here's it's okay. I'm just to be completely honest. I tried to to rub one out for like an hour and a half Like it just wouldn't had that that completely nothing your heart's beaten Yeah, because I was sweating. It's a horror show. I was trying to go to bed And when I couldn't go to bed, I was like, fuck. I'll stay up and clean and I started have I started to get less nervous

Like I think it calmed me down like I just got my brain off of it for a while And I started having like really cool thoughts I don't know. It was just like I just started like and I even said at one point. I was like, this is why you do it because it's I I always ask you like at the end of the podcast when at like one more 17 bong hits in and a thousand milligrams I'm like, why are you still doing this? And like that's why I like in my head. I'm like mad at you throughout the night. I'm like this motherfucker. Give me ass It left me alone

and I'm freaking out And I'm not sleeping and then I was like, oh because you have these cool like when you when you when you actually Stop freaking out. You can have some really interesting conversations with yourself and that's why I'm not really and I'm sitting before Music for me. I think would have taken me out of it. I like silence especially with that sort of stuff

So I was just walking around cleaning and I would just think about certain things and and I for anyone watching live I decided to shave my beard at like seven in the morning and I shaved my head again, but at like Six o'clock is when I decided to leave. I was trying. I was trying to go to bed again I couldn't sleep and I was like, I need to go get some things

So might as well just go to the store 24 hours And it was great. It was great I had so much fun Like it was at a point where I could totally handle it and you're up all night Not a wink of sleep and you felt great felt really energized and I felt so what it was it was a hit you with a low dose You know because you did feel weird and you did stay up and you did have dead dick, right? Yeah, it was just a low dose and a hallucinogenic or You were just next time we do it. We just take

One big drop and run with it and stay here for a while and see how it feels I uh I'm sorry. I left you. I just No, no, no, no, and I don't listen. I've been left. I Part of me when we spoke the next morning And you said to me you had a good time. I was going somewhere. Oh, I had mercy But for the rest of the day, I thought about our conversation that a you weren't mad And b you looked at it from a perspective

From somewhere else. You started telling me the next time you wish you had a notebook I hadn't said nothing to you about it. And then you said to me now. I know why you do this It's been weird The last time I did it With was with you and arie And then before that god knows when I did it before all I did it with arie for pink floyd And that was garbage. It was okay, but it was it wasn't It was three hour that I appreciate

Yeah We did it in the office one night You and I without arie because we did it twice. Yeah that night too I was high till two two thirty and by three thirty I was in bed. I appreciated that You know first off I'm a bigger guy number two my tolerance is off the fucking chains It's even off the chains for the oxy cottons that gave me at the hospital I had to call talking land go talking land. This ain't doing nothing to me Nothing, he goes chew them or that nothing then one night. I woke up twice with my fucking wrist hurting

I had 75 milligrams of that shit in me So there's a lot of shit that don't do nothing to me. And so don't take it bad. It just doesn't It's been years. I don't know. I I have no acid tolerance. I'm gonna say something now And I'm gonna get it out of the way with a lot of people. Okay I get busted my balls get busted all the time because people send me what am I gonna do dmt Number one look at my fucking face. Do I look like I need dmt and number two I'm too old number three. Let me tell you why I didn't believe in dmt and none of the properties Just to break myself down

So people don't think I'm a fucking asshole Went a couple weeks ago. I was watching that black mass with rusty bulger And there's one scene whatever his name is whitey bulger And there's one scene where the guy is selling whitey bulger to the feds And they say that he's a psychopath Not to mention that he did experimentation with acid and the cop goes He had five or six times and the other cop goes about 50 times And they all looked at each other like he was charles fucking manson

If I tell you something I'm gonna tell you guys a reaping discovery. Okay I didn't get into acid till the summer of my sophomore year Like june of 78 after I hit the number I used to run with this guy lefty and one night he gave me a hit of microdot And that shit had me going for fucking 18 hours late First couple times you did that shit that rat poison that's in it that shit keeps you up for fucking days But since you're in training from the stars, thank to me that I'm a good nutrition thc Whatever and I watch your fucking coach

Uh, you know what you didn't freak out number one you weren't scared Well, I was in the beginning which helped but let me tell you guys what happened. So that's summer of 78 I get into microdot acid Blotter acid. It's it. We didn't know what we were getting till saturday Everybody always had microdot acid But we were getting it we get other shit whatever the people were gonna make whether it was microdot Or four-way acid our town was flooded with it. There was like three different neighborhoods that sold that shit north bergen You know, I got hooked on it until one day I started selling I started going to east rousberg

And I told the story thousands of times and I became a business guy with this shit and It's so weird that I started eating it since I was never a drinker guys My excuse for not drinking Like you can't fucking drink into acid like I didn't like it at all Because I like the acid high so much with the marijuana But that oh no because I was gonna talk about that. I didn't I messed up You kept asking me if I weeded the house and I didn't think about it I actually had some stars and some capsules. So I took it around like three or two or three

I think I think that may be what caught me down. Yeah, that takes a little edge off. Absolutely, which is smart That's the way I've always given it to you every time we've had the mushrooms. This is the chocolate with the fucking edible remember the edible the The mushroom chocolate edible we had it was chocolate with edibles in it wrapped around a mushroom And it's always a little better than you said to me next time. I'll do it without the fucking edible I'll just do it with the uh mushroom and then I brought the mushrooms into the studio. So My point being that it was really weird when my mom died And I would go home at night. I can't lie to you guys

I did acid maybe Five nights a week for fucking eight or nine months And then there was like another year where I did it maybe three nights a week Because I had eaten it so much I built such a fucking tolerance by the age of 16 Aten that micro dot I would eat three of them when you would eat one of them Oh my gosh, that's that's but one thing I got to be honest with you Lee that you were honest with me about that You know what man? Every time I got high on that shit. I took something positive of it

I always I took something positive from it if there was something that was bothering me deep down inside Or something that had me all jammed up I dedicate that hit of acid to that thought and I'd break I'd go home. I couldn't wait to be alone Because you can't go there with other people in the room with other people in the room It takes the acid somewhere else you start talking about look at the car look at the lights Look at the steam from the fucking car, you know, look at but if you're in somebody's house You're watching a movie you're freaking out other people's faces It's when you get home and you're surrounding environments

That that acid goes to work See when you do DMT you high for eight nine minutes and then there's like a fucking three or four hour After whatever but the original warmth And the original patois is a 10 minute tops type of thing With the acid it comes and goes and you have more Time to spend with that warmth I don't know it's so tough to to understand that when I first heard what DMT was I got it I'm not putting it down from that perspective. I'm just putting up from a perspective that there's not much you can get from it

I'll give you a hit of acid where you trip for 12 hours Like when those guys go down to peru and they eat that shit and they see the devil and shit. It's an eight twelve hour thing Because then it really breaks you down If you came to me tomorrow and said, you know what joint I love doing the podcast with you I love eating fucking cake and donuts that Becky brings Oh, you know, it's bothering me lately. I'm gonna go to law school I love paula I'm jewish

The fuck am I doing the podcast business? Let me become an attorney. You're not become a podcast attorney You come to me one day and go let me get the rest of that acid and you probably eat it by yourself And rent the hotel room in north holly one of those fucking shitty hotel rooms Take two joints with you order a pizza and just sit there for eight hours And just think it over That's what I used to do at that age guys I didn't take no add pill or adderals or no. I didn't take none of that stuff I took micro dot fucking acid

to make me Focus on whatever I was going through So I wouldn't like you know for a year. I took acid at that age Just trying to figure out why god would take somebody's mother Do you know how deep of a thought that is? No but in it But did it freak you out or did you were you able to like just don't talk yourself through it because it didn't

It's an hour of crying. It's an hour of laughing. It's an hour of hope That you give yourself in that eight hour tripping remember you taking that eight o'clock at night. You start tripping at 9 30 Okay, you're with your friends till 12 You walk home by the time you walk home. It's a quarter to one You go in your house you piss you drink some water You already smoked outside now when you sit down in the dark you could actually feel it creeping on you Once you're by yourself

And there's no other energies in the room to take that energy away from you You'll feel that acid creeping on you Lee And if you're dark all of a sudden once that acid taps into your breathing Okay Once you start seeing the bottom of your eyes you're hallucinating your eyes are wide open, right? It's catching fucking stimulation from everywhere Now once the bottom of your eye sees your stomach breathing heavy That's when that fucking party starts

That's when that fucking party starts Lee And now you have to start breathing easier. You have to break out a joint. Maybe Uh, yeah, maybe eat the star and just sit relax and maybe get a piece of paper and pencil and close your eyes and lay down Don't try to go to sleep But don't try to do more I get sitting down But I I do my best thinking even even now and I'm like I'll I'll walk and pace around my apartment like a crazy person So I I I would try to sit down

That night and I look at me. I never I never have a problem laying down I was I was up the whole night taking showers cleaning I don't know. It's fun. I liked it. Yeah, me too. There was a period where I took acid just for that Towards the end. I like taking acid outside. I can't tell you How many nights I went out when I was 16 and 17 and took hits of micro dot And tripped our balls off walking the streets In alleys and the back ends of north bergen between. Oh my god I can't fucking tell you how many nights just walking uphill on acid your heart's pumping up a storm

You're fucking stopping to get air and your trip And you all stand there for seven minutes. Then you all look at each other go. Do you see that? Yeah Come on, let's go when you walk 10 more minutes and then you'd cease and then somebody would have to stop to breathe It was just I'm happy that you looked at it from that experience I was happy that you weren't mad at me Which I know you were for leaving you alone But in the back of my mind, I left you alone so you could see what the fuck it really was By the time I called you the next morning. I wasn't man. I was happy that you weren't fearful

If so many people who have to go home and looking up on the website now Nothing pisses me the fuck off When I give somebody or something when I give you a present like a thc present or something And people gotta give me some bullshit story. I think I have to go home and look it up online or something I wouldn't give it to you the poison I give it to you because I love you. I give it to you because I want you to get to see the fucking devil You would give it to someone to poison them. Well, I would never give somebody. I would never be in business to poison somebody But that shit always fucking pisses me off

It always pisses me off when people call me and say, hey, man Um, they're gonna do mushrooms with my friends. How many do you think I should eat? You know, I went online. What are you fucking talking about? This friend, how long have you been friends of them since grammar school? There's no trust If he tells you to eat three stems eat fucking three stems first off if you freak out you eat friends I would tell Lee Lee listen. There's the first time I did mushrooms. So let's just do them tonight here And don't tell nobody And it's just me and you and I would do them and I call you a week and go, all right You sure I won't feel creepy if I do this and you're gonna know and we'll go down to a bar and do the fucking mushrooms

Or the acid. Do you follow me? I would milk you through it slowly I would never the first time you did acid the other night when I take you and take you to the comedy stop All right, you would have a nervous breakdown. Oh, yeah, my son said you would have a fucking nervous breakdown That would not have been fun. Let me give some shout outs right here. My main man Jay Rama putting the pieces together Always emailing me telling me let me know he's doing better and better rob keys My man holding down in chicago bob lalingus

jordan hutchinson john cutler chris o'hara hot stepper My family down in motherfucking austin waiting for us Lee's coming down 10 pound slimmer. He wants to come down 10 pounds lighter. He wants to leave 20 pounds every year That's a good plan. So fuck it We're going down to austin soon. We'll be in fucking denver We'll be in motherfucking oklahoma at the Cherokee nations casino

Stop it world tour that starts in oklahoma. Who else starts their fucking tour in oklahoma? Anybody else who has that type of fucking not even trump opened up his american tour in fucking oklahoma And i'm flying that by you fucking kidding me or what? Then we go to denver Then we go on the oddball fest west palm bam mother fucking tamper bam mother fucking Atlanta bam mother fucking indianapolis bam and then back home Then i'm off for a few weeks then the next week. It's me and my fucking main jewish goomba

Taking it live to austin. Texas. Lisa. I can't wait. It's gonna be so much fun. It's gonna be so much fun But i have the question that everyone wants to know what is it were you considered for trumps vp? stop Trumps vp. I don't even know who you picked Mike Pence Here's the governor again. I don't know who the fuck he picked. I'm sorry about the bottle people Again, i don't know who the fuck he picked. No, do i kill these cyan? That's it. This is your fucking 28th birthday. Yeah, it's been great

We have donuts Well, i mean it's uh To be honest, it's getting a little scary It's getting real close to 30 Which i know a lot of people make think i'm still a baby, but That's like real adult to me I got good news feeling that way. I'm bad news for you. Okay, you became an adult when you were 16 Okay, you became a fucking adult when you were 16 you're working on a movie theater

You were driving a car, you know that your parents gave you but you had to pay for it I know you did you know some fucking car. What type of car was 97 Chevy Cavalier stop it A cavalier rally sport edition. Let me tell you something. I used to have this teacher the camel And he used to have a a fucking car that was a cavalier So when you called to place the bet That was his code name the gray cavalier Stop what the fuck you thinking dealing with this shit. So you become a fucking adult You know what happened to me when i was 28

Let me tell you what happened to me when i was 28. What happened to you? I got into comedy and I got divorced That's crazy That is crazy and Everything I thought where my life was going Changed completely

Within six months I went from having a family To having nothing and no job And the only thing at that point my life Was

Because of reconsider my whole 28th year I got into comedy in june Of 91 that's when I was 28. Okay, and I got separated in october of 91 So two of the biggest achievements, you know Two of the most fucked up things in my life that happened happened to me when I was 28 You know, it's not about age man I'm 53. I'm sitting next door 28 year old doing a fucking podcast It's not about age at all

And if you grab every time I thought about fucking age, I would end up snorting two fucking eight balls Because I thought too the clock was running out. Yeah, guess what the clock runs out when you decide it runs out You know, that's the truth the clock runs out. Who knows what's gonna happen. I wish you're all the luck in the world Paul is moving in you're uh, you know You know, you When you're 28 29 30 you have to be scared if you're not scared There's got to be something wrong with you like no, you know, you know, unless you have a ceiling over you And you're getting a guaranteed fucking check every week should you

You know, we live off every month. We don't know what's gonna happen. Lee Every month is a zero here on the first until the smoke clears We don't know nothing Right, and I don't mind that that doesn't we don't know nothing. So it's kind of weird how Let me tell you something At 28 you had a lot more going for you than I did. So Let's just start there. I mean Complete two worlds. You had a degree

You have a family You have a girlfriend that loves you you have, uh A little money put away you have your own apartment At 28 once she left. Oh my god I was completely lost. I didn't know what to do I was barely hanging on I went from having a little money in the bank to having nothing To my world shattery

But I kept it together with comedy little by little those are my little fucking band aids. That's pretty much my nightmare Well, I don't know how people like Like that was something that freaked me out on the asset There was this dude like there's like young dude Who was like just drunk and like really sick outside of the cvs? And I was like god that could have been me like why is he Why is he like

You want to bong him rather birthday bong him before the show is over the show. Why not? Wouldn't be sure. Uh, what's the problem? There's no problem. Let's do a birthday bong that people turned in It's a late night. You know what I'm saying? It's your 28th birthday. I wish nothing but luck Some people blow smoke up your ass and they bring you some shit. I bring you the best reefer in town and a fucking And a good fucking thought that's how we celebrate the fucking birthday. Thank you over here at the church Of what's happening now? And what better way the indians what they cut the skin off their finger and your merge fingers you were blood brothers

I faint in my world. We can't make that happen But the only thing we can both do is a bong hit a fucking death here And here you go. We'll pack a light one for you Here we go Joey I did it ready. I did like two of them over here like a fucking orphan And you're sitting there on your birthday You have the bong of the week and the fucking instagram. Nobody fucking man. What are you gonna do? You gonna sit down like a Hurry up the fucking the clock is ticking. We gotta get out of here

We go with the keyboard leave the keyboard All right. Oh, you got to control the cameras. Yeah. All right. Take your time, but hurry up. Come on Let's do this cocksucker Look at you the birthday boy. What are you doing tomorrow night for your birthday? Tomorrow night, um paul is coming over. She actually I have no idea how this sounds, but What the fuck yeah, she um What's up, uh, we're going in the food trucks And we're just gonna hang out. All right, hurry up with the bong here. You're killing me. Come on. Leave the chair alone

Let's go. Let's do this What the happy birthday what the fuck I was singing for you, but we already did early grab the Shoot that motherfucker Oh Suck it cock sucker suck it cock sucker pop that glit Why is it so funny? Happy birthday, cock-suckers, I wish somebody gave me a bong like that when I was 20. Nobody gave me dick and shit, cock-suckers.

And that's it, this Thursday night I'm over here flapping car night, it's the No Expectations tour the first night. I'm even gonna bring a notebook up on stage, I've never done that before, but I'm gonna make sure I run the hour just to see what the fuck it sounds like, you people might take the ride, you might not take the fuck them right, what do you only do? We all fucking do okay, we look at each other and we shake hands, Leo be there as the captain Kirk of the Enterprise running the DJ board and shit, doing bong, it's like a motherfucker. Happy birthday buddy.

Thank you man. You didn't finish this bong, what's going on here, what is this, you can't be a man with one foot. I'm a good birthday boy, share my gifts. Now I gotta blow it out over here because of that. Now I gotta finish this thing, look at that, you left a bunch of weed in here, you lucky I love it. If this was fucking at different times than I have your stab, oh shit, wait I got at least

I am, who the fuck you thinking dealing with, fuck it cocksucker, happy birthday dog, I'm happy and that's it, that's all I gotta fucking tell you, we gotta get the fuck out of here, we gotta go do spots and shit to do and people to see, the acid was interesting because of your reaction because you said you wanted to do it again and this time you would have a fucking notebook and I was blown the fuck away because everybody's so fucking scared today of doing anything, people tell me after fucking when I get back with it, oh god, why did you bring that back, aren't you scared, no, no, people not gonna give you fucking poison, I know they're looking on people's eyes when they give you fucking poison dog,

okay, I know the reaction, I know how people sometimes act creepy, I'll fucking throw this shit away, but if somebody comes to me and they ask me how Lee is doing or this is gonna put a, this is gonna make Lee lose his fucking mind, I'll come over here and do it, do you know how many fucking different places I bought drugs in the last 30 years, do you think, huh? Just two or three. I just have fear that, I don't know if it's your, and I'm not insulting you, I don't know if it's your generation gap because my wife is the same way, my wife and I had a discussion

the other day in the living room about four in the morning I got up and she came outside and we were talking about how the fuck, I said something, can you imagine, do you remember that night you drove me to the Martel Cartel and get coke and you didn't really know but you know, at four in the morning I left you in the car and I was in there for 15 minutes and she goes, I remember sitting out there thinking I should just leave this guy now, go home and pack my bags and leave, but she goes, I didn't know how it was gonna play out, I go look how it did play out, you ended up with a beautiful child, we ended up married, we're happy, you know, so at this point somewhere you have to believe that there is some type

of guy out there because I'll never forget that night, her waiting outside and I've never done that to anybody, I've never ever made somebody drive me like that over there, I've usually been the one that's driven or we're both that fucking high, she was just, I was walking out the door to fucking walk there and she was pulling up, she usually pulled in the fucking back by the garage and it was like fucking three in the morning and she goes, where are you gonna go, I gotta stop by Dante's and she goes, okay, I'll give you a ride and I'll never forget how bad I felt, but life goes on, see, you never know where your fucking relationship is gonna go, that's it, I don't even know why the fuck I told you that, at least I

am, just don't be scared, somebody offers you something, if you love them to death and you know them for 15 fucking years waiting, they're gonna do something, give you something fucking bad, but you know, these fucking humps out here don't take nothing from nobody, so fuck them, what is your problem Lee, thousand milligrams, that's how deep you went tonight, at least I am, when deep training, look at me, I'm in deep training, at least I am, my balls are bleeding, that's when you know you're fucked up, where you headed tonight, you're not going to a strip club, you're not gonna get your balls licked by a job on a Chinese place, nothing, tonight I'm going home to bed, gentlemen, no, but it's, what I would tell people is honestly take

do it twice, because like if you can do what I did and like calm, because people are gonna be scared man, they keep hammering into us how bad drugs are, and that's all we ever hear, is don't do drugs, don't do drugs, and it's acid, and it tastes weird, nobody fucking, when you came to California Lee, you never thought that you would be doing a fucking hit of acid at your job, never, but let me explain something to you Lee, sometimes if you think when I woke up one day, I aspired to take a hit of acid, or I aspired to do heroin, I aspired to do blow, no, I never aspired, you think when I was at fucking five star basketball camp, playing with basketball players, I'm thinking about going home and doing blow,

it was the farthest thing from my fucking mind, but at some point in my life there was a weakness, and the opportunity fucking presented itself, where I came from, it's not, you know, yeah, let me take that hit of mescaline, and I'll take it next week by myself, no, you're here right now, take the fucking thing right now, somebody gave you a quail who either you said yes or no, that time I went to Gunther's house, and I did the line of heroin, let me tell you something, when I walked in there, that was the farthest thing from my imagination, at least I was to do that line of heroin, I swear to fucking God, so why'd you do it? because really at that point in my life, who gave a fuck?

terrible though, at that point, I was so far fucking gone, and I wanted to be gone, that's the truth, that I just did it, it was a little line, I knew it wasn't gonna kill me, and I knew that from hearing stories that I wasn't gonna do a line like you do a cocaine line, this was a very tiny white line, and I even took some off it just to double, just to do a taste, just to make sure that I did the other little centimeter of dust, and that was it, I just wanted to fucking not be scared of it, I think, I don't know, it's like I went and got high the next fucking day, you follow me? you know what, I'm a, I tend to like this stuff, I'm an addictive personality, so I'm glad I'm scared of that stuff, like I've only even seen

cocaine like once, and it was just for like a second, I'm worried like if I did that I'd be doing it, like no, no, no, no, it's not doesn't fit you, if you it just doesn't fit you, I would never want that shit around you, you know, I bust your balls and tell you about heroin, I would never bring heroin around you, I would never bring nothing around you, number one that I would never do, I would never bring meth in here, we've never been blowing here, we'd bring nothing like that in this studio, the worst thing I'm bringing here is like a 2,000 milligram star, which worst case scenario, we go to the hospital, like whatever that goes, they give you some tranquilizers and you sleep the night and then you sleep the night, then Obamacare takes care of the rest, you know

what I'm saying, you put it on the arm with Obamacare, what do you want me to pay a month, fuck it, sometimes you eat an elbow and you need a fucking night in the hotel room, you know what I'm saying, the hospital room, right or wrong, that's the worst thing that's gonna happen to you, we don't drink in here really, I'd love to get a few bottles of booze in here, but I know they're just sitting here, they were just sitting here, I'm not gonna drink at this, it gives me fucking oxygen, it gives me fucking desires that I don't need to understand, you follow me, give me the fucking scripts and let's get the fuck out of here, what do you say, it's been a great week motherfuckers, that's it, the shit's cracking, it's July, what is it,

20th already, Jesus Christ, that's it, the sum is fucking half gone, so yesterday I go over to this place guys, pretty fucking impressive, you go to Indochino.com, all right, and you click on location, all right, and let's say you're a man, whatever, and you're looking for suits, let me tell you what happened, so you click on location and all of a sudden you press in Texas and let's say you live in an hour out of Houston, you press, it's all of a sudden it comes out, Galleria Mall in Houston, and then it has, do you want to make an appointment, and you click that, and all of a sudden it says, when is the appointment, you make it with time, and they said appointment set, then you got a fucking email at your house, and that's it, you go down there,

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highway, and more, much more than this, I did it my way. Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew, when I fit off, more than I could chew, but through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up, and spit it out, I faced it all, and I stood tall, and did it my way. I've loved, I've laughed and cried, I've had my fill, my share of losing, and now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing to think, I did all that, and may I say, not in a shy way, oh no, oh no, not me, I did it my way. For what is a man, what has he got, if not himself, then he has not to say the things he truly feels, and not the words of one who kneels, the record shows, I took the blows, and did it my way. Yes, it was my way.