Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #411 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt with Liz Carmouche

Episode Date: September 8, 2016

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk about growing up spoiled, Hot Wheels, and Joey gives advice to open mic comedians. Liz Carmouche, Current UFC fighter who fought Ronda Rousey for the Bantamweight belt, calls in to talk to Joey about her upcoming match in EBI 8 on September 11, 2016.  This podcast is brought to you by: Club W. Go to www.clubw.com/joey to get $20 off of your first order of wine curated just for you and Club W will pay for the shipping on orders of four bottles or more.    Datsusara: Go to DSgear.com and check out all of their great products, like gi's and rash guards, that are made with high quality hemp textiles. Use code Joey to get 5% off of your order.   Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 20% off of your first order and shipping is always free in the US and Canada.      Recorded live on 09/07/2016.
  

This show is brought to you by Club W. Club W is the most convenient way to get wine descent directly to your house. Right now Club W is offering our listeners $20 off of your first order when you go to clubw.com slash joey and even better Club W knows you hate paying for shipping so on orders of four bottles or more Club W will pay for your shipping that's clubw.com slash joey. The show is also brought to you by meyundys. Go to meyundys.com slash joey right now and check out their men's and women's underwear socks t-shirts they're very comfortable sweat pants. Go to meyundys.com slash joey right now to get 20% off your first order and shipping is always free in the US and Canada and the show is brought to you by Datsuzara.com go to dsgear.com and check out

all their extremely high quality functional gear made with hemp textiles, bags, geese, rash guards and much much more go to dsgear.com and use Cobra Joey to save five percent. Oh shit low my mic oh shit Wednesday the 7th of September the day the devil was buried in sea rapes gang rapes dropped off at Cosby's house everything it's a church of what's happening now coxsuckers Jesus Christ I travel at night just to get back home I'm a cowboy honestly was I right I wanted fucking tremendous 1987 slippery when fucking wet just tremendous I'm not a big Bon Jovi guy I hear he's a very nice guy I was just gonna

ask because it didn't it doesn't seem like something that you'd be into but I was wondering if it was because like uh Springsteen has jersey and stuff but isn't Bon Jovi from like Philly no Bon Jovi from Seville New Jersey and uh you know when I lived back there in the early 80s he would play at a bar he would play that jersey circuit and I had heard of him but I'd never seen him you know like nothing like that and then when I went back I think I saw them I walked out of Twisted Sister there was like this little clique sticky fingers they were like us the Stones uh cover band cover band at the time before I left Jersey when I was younger and uh that was it and then when I got to Colorado the album was out in 87 and uh it was fucking

tremendous like the impact I wasn't really a big fan of the whole album right but I was a fan of that song for some reason then they had it on Miami Vice with Willie Nelson and I lost my fucking mind you know I'm saying we were talking about something early on kill my mic a little bit it's too hot too hot both of the mics are too hot there you go I can just turn your headphones down no that's okay both of them fucking things are too hot uh we were talking about being spoiled you were talking about a friend of ours right that that we know at the county store and uh some of his attitudes that he shares and he's his beliefs and Lee was telling me he couldn't fucking believe it and I told Lee that before my mother died that was me I mean horribly oh now I was spoiled too

it's just there's a level of it I did my own laundry I was I had to go to shop right myself I had to pay the phone bill she would give me money for the phone bill on the other bill she had to pay I had errands I had errands but uh early on I was horrifically spoiled I mean the behavior I showed out here when I was 10 towards my uncle was horrible the behavior I had in Miami was horrible and it's weird because you you've talked about your mom being really strict in certain ways and my mom like I was spoiled but I think maybe the reason why I never and I'm sure I did act spoiled at some points but I think the reason why I don't a lot is because like they would like they wouldn't stand for it like they I never really got hit that much but they wouldn't stand for me like that I

did all that type of shit I was forced to work it was a different type of spoilage until about 10 I was very spoiled and like you know when I was five or something I would order chicken delight and she's like you're not gonna cook you're not gonna eat dinner I just made this normal cooked chicken delight and she allowed it so it went on for like a year I just got my own dinner really and five at five first grade second grade in New York City it had to be before you know before I went to Jersey in the third grade before I went to Catholic school for a year I just ordered chicken delight with my own money three pieces of chicken the bun the jelly thing with the french fries and shit and they delivered to you yeah and I get Tahitian drink do you ever see

that soda Tahitian it's in a fucking can it's made by coke or Pepsi okay no fruit punch with Hawaiian punch no no Hawaiian punch okay look it up Tahitian something okay but I'll tell you what okay so but to the age of 10 I had that kid's spoilage but then something happened when I was 10 or 11 I started becoming a little klepto and I started clipping one's money Tahitian treat Tahitian treat told you it was delicious if I used to switch up it was either that or ginger ale oh yeah ginger ale ginger ale whatever the fuck it is but the one Canada drive I'm a Canada drive guy when you show up with Schweppes I have a fucking heart attack all right when I see Schweppes behind the bar I'm done I go home I don't want to see Schweppes Canada dry club Canada dry

fucking ginger ale and Canada dry tonic ain't fucking bad either it tastes like dick anyways but at least I got more bubbles than regular fucking tonic Canada dry is the only shit I taste that's it I hate that other fucking Schweppes and other stuff now I think I like a little sugar ginger ale in the fucking plane it's not bad I'll blast that off in time to time with the fucking doers or something yeah you gotta have ginger ale and my drink for a while was ginger ale and almoreto it's like the sweetest thing you could ever drink yeah but don't do nothing I need something to put a fucking clink in my fucking arm you know what I'm saying that's crazy that you said that but what I tried to like I've I tried to like drink the other night instead of smoking

like didn't just hang out with some friends I couldn't get drunk I had three fucking beers and it was just I was full I couldn't drink anymore now you gotta go back to the fucking whiskies you were drinking yeah I gotta go I guess that's what you need is more beer in your fucking life but by the time I was 11 Lee I got a different type of spoilage and this is the worst one it's the spoilage mixed with what's that word when somebody knows none but then I want to come to terms with whatever the fuck it is I don't know there's a word for that okay like my mom would really believe that I wasn't doing this shit oh um denial yeah she's in denial and here she is in denial and I'm fucking going even crazy because she's telling one no he couldn't have

taken that fucking eight thousand dollars yes I did in 20s and 40s you took oh my god you know I was killing him I found all his little stashbots where he had that bail money he had that fucking other and by this time him and I were not seeing night eye by the time by the time I came home when I was at McKinley him and I were not seeing night eye how long did it take you to take eight grand two or three months I was buying bicycles and mini bikes and selling mini bikes and wheeling and dealing and no drugs at the time basketball clamps and sneakers and t-shirts and dinners and you weren't being like sneaky about him no I was mugging him and if it wasn't that he had this change jar filled with silver dollars I was mugging him on the silver dollars and then

it was very sad it's why it was very fucking sad and my mom sat through this and I would wake up and I wanted to hear him saying you have to do something with him this is not this is not it's not kosher and my mom would say how come this is doesn't doesn't ever happen to me how come I don't miss nothing and that's where the argument because you're his mother he's not gonna take it from you he's gonna take it from me and shit and my mom would say I'm telling you he would not take it from me this went on for years then the drugs came on and he would tell my mom I smelled the marijuana in the house and she would go it's maybe the shit that was downstairs it was me I live with this shit today but that whole I'm not gonna eat like the last month of her life

after I got sick was when she sat me down and said everything's changed you're gonna eat here every night and I can see the pain in the face so I went along with it you're gonna be here every night at six to eat I'm gonna start doing stuff for you more you know it was like but it was too late I was already raised in my own way I was already raising myself so so but then you change somehow well when she died okay there was no more rooms with air conditioning and cable tv nobody was gonna just give me a 30 dollar bill nobody was gonna bring me food to my room all that shit went out of my life there was no more did you go to work today oh no there was nobody there all that shit went out of my life I had no time to be spoiled if somebody offered me a room in a

fucking basement next to a dead rat I had to take it yeah so all that spoil is like all that I'm allergic to carrots and you know I can only sleep in air conditioning I came to a fucking halt my friend but I laugh at these people that have all these diseases and I think what happens a person goes to jail they'll die because they don't give a fuck they don't give a fuck they don't give a you're gonna find that that you can do just well without the inhaler and then cigarettes you're gonna be just fine without them and anything else you think you depend on like if I went to jail tomorrow it'd be a week and a half before I gotta sleep on the machine fuck that's scary it's scary yes but then do you have an issue now like since you had to deprive yourself throughout those years

and now like you just moved into a house like does any of that stuff like is it hard to like switch back now no no no okay no I'm still that because I know how fast it all disappears I witnessed something that a lot of people don't witness in their life I witnessed a rise and a fall and I looked at why the reasons of the fall were and they always had to do with greed they always have to do with stupid greed you don't see you think that the golden cow is never gonna stop it's gonna stop it's gonna eventually come to a crash that's a reality I know already what do you think I don't go on the road every week what do you think I don't put videos up all day what because the quicker I do that it's the quicker my demise right yeah you follow me so

I'd rather be where I am right now do two weeks a month I don't bother nobody I made a mistake over money a couple weeks ago now I'm paying for it when I canceled Nashville and took that stupid fucking oddball tool you follow me I made a bad decision that I would never make that under circumstances I'm a firm believer when you're going in with if you like New England on Sunday you better bet New England on if you like New England on Monday you better bet him on Sunday don't tell me New England all week and like Joey Diaz talk you into betting fucking the Jets because he's an asshole and you're a bigger asshole for listening to him you know everything about New England why would I fucking talk you follow I'm saying to you never let somebody talk

you out of your original plan it's a 50-50 toss up sometimes somebody uh look at like a narcos they told the two DEA agents to stay back and then they blew up fucking Korea so it's always you follow me sometimes it works in your favor but if you believe in something like I was headed to Nashville to see my niece also they call me and they throw this extra money at me that I can't use I really don't give a fuck about it I really don't give a fuck about it I'm content in my life right and look at what I could put so now I'm prepared for the next 10 years again because I wouldn't have done that thank you you found something yeah it's uh I think I made that mistake a lot when I would leave a job too early like if I was like if I got offered a job somewhere else

I did that a couple times where I got offered a job and like one time on Hell's Kitchen they were like okay the show's ending you can start looking for jobs and I got one right away and I didn't get called back for the next season of Hell's Kitchen and I was kind of bummed I was like maybe I should have stayed to the end like it's I feel like people do jump ship too early well we either jump ship or we see our eyes get bigger than our fucking stomach you know whatever that expression is and in my world it really didn't matter because I knew I had to pay for my own plane tickets my own bus rides all that shit comes out of your pocket and trust me that shit adds up luggage $20 luggage $20 spare is you know getting a cab with Tom Segura and the

other guy and next thing you know it's a $80 cab ride we don't know where you're going you don't know where you're going you don't know if the hotel is fucking 40 minutes from that fucking airport here you are budgeting $2250 and you're getting this $64 a piece so I know there's a thousand by the ways on the road generally people don't know this shit I know this because I travel I know that a little cup of water is $8 on a fucking in the terminal you can't believe you're paying fucking for $375 for a little thing of water you can't believe it I won't you can't believe but what are you gonna do diet thirst do you get on the plane fuck yeah oh fuck that oh yeah I don't do that like I need water but that you know they robbed you from A to fucking Z oh it's terrible

so I knew you know you go for a fucking donor it's 425 how can a fucking donor dunk and donor before 25 you know just shit like that that regular people don't think about I see it all they get surprised now can you believe the hotel lobby wanted $6 for a cup of coffee fuck yeah I do believe it that's the way there's bitch that's the way there's bitch what about like room service menus those are always and they add tip to it no room service listen room service will murder you quicker than fucking you know heroin room service will fucking bury you jack because when you look at room service the check when it comes you almost die all you see is $16.95 for those eggs and that's a lot and when it comes up to the fucking thing

they add 22% plus like three plus a three dollar fee plus six dollars for the waiter play and you sit there and go oh my god I just paid 41 dollars for two eggs three pieces of bacon and two pieces of wheat toast am I fucking nuts am I fucking nuts every time Paul and I go away we're like we're gonna get room service this time and like the most we ever do is like a dessert because we both look at each other we're like we can't how are we gonna spend $23 on eggs or like $60 on people have no idea people have no reality of what some people do I have friends that we discussed when you go out what's going on because they travel for a living it's not necessarily comics one guy's an attorney I always talked to he was in st. Louis and he goes he calls

me and he goes I don't know how the fuck you do it and I've been doing a lot longer than you so I know the curveballs you know where you get water where you could do a thousand things for free and if not just start shoplifting just start shoplifting at the airport mingle I'm worried about airport jail though pay for the fucking magazine but steal the water you know saying pay for the news page they want three dollars for a new york post at LA time at LAX yeah they want three dollars for a fucking daily news at LAX you can't do that fuck that shit I just put it on my arm and make believe I brought it it's brand fucking no what's the matter you're getting anxiety I'm getting anxiety about because I have people with guns there I don't I'm I would never really get

shot by for shoplifting Lee I don't know you're almost worse than my fucking wife you know that you're gonna get shot for shoplifting are you fucking crazy I don't mean to just shot but I also what I'm gonna do call you and be like hey I didn't make it back from watching this time listen dog when you get caught shopping there's a thousand outs first of all you start eating in the fucking store you just pick it up like it's yours and then you start eating it you know when I used to fucking fly and I would sit by like I was the type of guy would sit in the airport all day just getting free plane tickets like I'm that much because I knew in southwest I could use all those so I would sit there all fucking day and I'd watch people like look how people have done people

when people order those coffees I watch what coffee they'd order and they'd be talking shit and I cut the fucking coffee you are not steal someone's order I don't give a fuck 16 years ago 17 what are you doing like I don't think your I don't think your name was Diane they never got me they never got me I wait for a guy with his girlfriend that was in love eating shit looking around kissing the why he's telling his love I'm dick I'm drinking his mocha latte fuck him you gotta pay attention you gotta fucking pay attention you do so if you don't pay attention there's a thousand people like like me at that time that would clip you no fucking clip you in the side of your wallet's half hanging out there's people who take it and give it to you but there's

people who bump into you and wait for that wallet to fall and they put their foot on it and stand there like they're looking at a bird or something Jesus I've I watched this video these this guy did about uh like the car theft in Newark and they said like any like any if they always look for people who are looking at their phone and like a parking lot or something and I always did that so I stopped because it's scared to shit rule number one once you're walking put that fucking phone away put that fucking phone away were you walking put that fucking phone away I don't that songs in my pocket when I'm walking on silent I don't want to hear from nobody if I'm fucking walking I'm walking I'm looking around I'm observing the fucking trees we've had this fucking discussion

all right no I was talking about in the car like if you're sitting in like like waiting at like a light or something crazy like that you're always looking done put that fucking phone away every day somebody gets killed because some jerk goes on the phone and you want to look to see you text you gives a fuck you know if you're driving and somebody calls you and they can tell you the same shit they're gonna tell you in 20 minutes call them back in 20 minutes oh yeah don't even answer the phone you're driving with your luck you pull over you stop at the light you pick it up in a motorcycle cop not drop next thing go pull over I wasn't even on the phone you looked at your fucking phone and Burbank they'll give you a ticket for looking at your phone how do you think I know

because I got one I'm one of those assholes just looking at it because remember my clock in the Subaru is keeps moving right yeah I looked at the clock on the phone the guy tapped next to me god damn it that and this is a little bit off topic but it's about the cars I was I was driving around the other day are that there's kids taking ubers now which is crazy to me when they get molested you know the last eight fucking months every once a month is a problem with a fucking Uber driver yeah and I heard that uber pays people off and covers it up so the uber name I don't fucking know now you want to put your kid in the fucking what I tell you about this area up here these parents are raising kids you know just ready to go down ready to fucking go down

you're not doing the kid no favorite if he's got an uber he's got a fucking cell phone he's got the whole credit card or maybe they put on his credit card whatever the fuck you never know what these fucking people doing uber why is he ubering because you don't want to give him a ride to fucking school oh my god for a soccer practice you don't want to give him a ride to soccer practice because you're busy in yoga class that's the only this area would do that oh yeah this area up here where we would podcast up here uh two three miles north from here it's amazing how we go to that fucking ymca and see parents sitting there while the mexican nanny was in the pool with the child those are the same parents that one day gonna be looking at each other why

do you murder all those girls because you didn't jump in the fucking pool with them you stupid motherfucker he knew you had no investment him you couldn't even jump in the fucking pool I see it at the parks when I go with mercy I see it all the time it breaks my fucking heart 22 white kids 22 mexican nannies we walk up there like strangers like people look at us like why are you guys here don't you have a nanny like a tip to have a fucking nanny when I was growing up was called an au pair and I was I was in awe I couldn't believe because my mom and we we spoke about it today she she kind of regrets not going back to work maybe when I got into middle school or something because it hurt her now but she was always home and I couldn't I couldn't

even wrap my head around that your family would hire someone to be a permanent babysitter okay so let's say your paul is working right she's made her a partner okay in today's world when you're an attorney you gotta have the balls of a man I hate to say that oh yeah because they don't stop for nobody they don't stop when it's a big time you know a law agency from you you you snooze you lose oh right snooze you lose so that maternity leave she's gonna be working not a lot from the house finishing up what she started she still has to call in every day because if she just disappears for six weeks by the time she comes back she's a fucking dinosaur right you have to assume that you have to think that way especially in law and I get that I understand that the parents are busy

like I'm not you have a job by this time hopefully you have a couple of your shops open you will still be doing the podcast you're busy you're making a little money I get it I get it worst case scenario you fly mom out here or you get fucking the mother-in-law you're feeling you're looking great come on you could babysit you can you cook all day watch tell them don't raise the kid you've raised three of them I got all my great judgment in here I'll come home at one after I finish with Joey and take them for an hour you follow me there's there's this solutions I didn't have a solution it's me and Terry right no and there's solutions but to be very honest like this is more like Paula will know she worked real hard at law school

she wants to be a lawyer I'm all for her being as successful as possible if I had a wish yeah I want her to stay home and do what my mom did it's it's it's weird and she doesn't want to and I completely understand it she's making 350 000 miles a year you're pulling down 150 do the arithmetic right looks like you'll be changing diapers uh two boys you know what I'm saying looks like you'll be mopping the floors and cleaning shit and you know what it's fine just get rid of one of the podcasts um Liz Karmuch hey how's it going what's up my love how are you thank you very much for

taking the time and calling I know you're training down there with the brothers Johnson down there oh thank you how are you I'm doing really well what about you I'm doing pretty good too I gotta tell you man uh when Eddie said you were participating in ebi eight I was really excited but I'm really excited because no bullshit Liz Karmuch I'm a big fan of yours man I'm a big fan of your heart and your balls so uh you always prove it uh I love that you serve your country I couldn't I had felonies I fucked up but uh I really got a lot of respect for you man uh you did something that a lot of people didn't do you just went in there you didn't give a fuck so I love you to death and this is an honor for me how's it feel now Eddie was telling me

that you're going up against Mrs. Henderson Benson Henderson's wife but this is the second match you won the first match correct that's correct okay and uh how did you win the first match by points submission uh no is that submission only tournament I won by a dars look at you so now you're going back in against how you're feeling I'm not feeling really good we've done a lot of work that was kind of I took one would be kind of my first ever vacation with my mom and I got a phone call and I'm like hey if you want we have an opportunity for a tournament I'm like oh and I'm stuffing my face being fat because I'm on vacation uh and decide you know what let me just go for it it's been so long since I competed I can't not take it uh so I really wasn't prepared but still it ends up

doing really well in the tournament and this one I'm actually training for so I have a lot more confidence in you what was the last time you competed in a in a bjj tournament oh it's been uh I think two years wow okay I thought this was just recently when you had beaten her okay we know this one was yeah but before that prior to the tournament I haven't competed in a tournament for two years it's been with the UFC it's really hard to get a match it's actually authorized right right right right no no I understand how you're feeling now how many days have you gotten the training in before this match uh since since the last one I haven't stopped training so uh it's on vacation even on vacation

don't manage to do some stops after that tournament I was back to training one day morning look at you all right yeah yeah yeah where'd you go on vacation I just traveled around California there's a lot of sites I've never seen like the redwood I haven't gone up to the San Francisco the Bay Area so I kind of drove up north with the oilia did all the little you know the typical California site things in San Diego where you from originally originally from ok now my mom's originally from New York City okay all right and no it's great driving up the coast and you can stop at some great jiu-jitsu schools as good as they get all the way up to San Francisco you're stopping in some great places so

yeah I'm sure you're in uh you're ready for this this is pretty neat that you're doing this for Eddie Eddie has uh really grown a lot in my eyes I've known Eddie for 15 16 years before he even had the schools so to see Eddie do this it's a real honor to be a friend to him and now to have you compete no my god I'm so excited what are your plans on this you're gonna go back for the Darce uh again it'll be an opening and in all honesty up until that tournament I've never landed a Darce in practice ever oh it's it's one of those moves where I go for it all the time and it just never works out and in the tournament I landed I won every single match with the Darce that's crazy so I mean if the opportunity opens up again awesome um but I I expect it after she saw me win

the whole tournament with Darce she's probably to be prepared for that and defending so there'll be something else to open up so you gotta hit it with something simple like a little kimora or something like that something completely crazy and off the wall really complex now what is your next UFC fight if you don't mind me asking um I'm so hoping now we kind of have something that's uh coming down the mill and it looks like we might have something I can't release yet but I'm really excited for it because just like competing I've been two years since I competed in jiu-jitsu and it's been over eight years since I competed in MMA oh my god so hopefully something soon yeah and have you had injuries Liz just I had injuries and then I also had um some family

members my mom had to have surgery so I helped take care of her and some other things came up where it just one thing after another hit and it seems like I just had to take some time off to really take care of that focus on my my personal life as well as my business and now I've been able to leave everything back on track everything's doing really great so now I'm able to focus back on fighting and training now where's your mom living now uh now she lives in New Mexico oh wouldn't it be great if she was still in NYC and they put you on a card in November and shit or something oh shit oh oh my god she'll lose her mind I would too I would doubt I was just thinking about everybody dreams about that oh where's your mom from she looks all over New York City okay yeah so it would

mean the world to her and all different parts yep it would mean the world to her just to go down because she's probably been to the gardens for the fucking circus you know the Harlem blowtrotters I used to go down there for everything too so they're going out there to see you doing a fight oh yeah we went to New York City this is our other family and we went we saw we went saw some shows there is the whole you know the typical sightseeing in New York City and so to go back in if I could actually fight there whoo all right well I'd be amazing what the petition for it Liz what do you think that would be great could you be ready it's what is it 10 weeks out 12 weeks out I haven't stopped training since everything went went right my life got all back on track I

haven't stopped training and I'm ready to go I can go out of two weeks down this is asking well you know what man I wish you nothing but good luck I mean you have a great attitude you took time to take care of moms and in my world that's uh that's aces so you got good things coming to you you know I don't want to take you that long thank you very much for calling in you have a fan here and I'll see you sunday night my love all right thank you so much good luck all right Liz thank you again thank you bye bye let's call mooch ladies and gentlemen went for round the rouse he fell a little short you know I'm saying but at least she had the heart to go she didn't get hypnotized right she didn't believe the fucking hype I have to give her props I didn't

even know she did MMA uh I didn't even know she did fucking BJJ tournaments so this is great you know for a lot of people who don't know ebi 8th is sunday on budo videos if you don't live around it if you live around the area it's at the orphan theater I think there's tickets still available like I said listen man I know Eddie when he was teaching at the uh at the uh boxing gym on Santa Monica bomb squad the bomb squad now all of a sudden he's got his own goddamn tournament you know I'm saying so uh to see this is unbelievable people are talking about ebi rules people are talking about this and that so it's just really impressive hold on one second I guarantee this is my car it could also be mine

the NSA is coming after us folks no it's in truck around the street essentially fucked up not only that's interesting that you brought up that conversation tonight because I'm trying to write the book and uh where I'm at right now is learning about life like I have to write these chapters for Gordon these sample chapters right and I'm still stuck like in 1981 how old are you then 17 oh yeah that's a tell if I have your mom die yeah so it was two and a year and a half after my mom died and all that spoilage bullshit I had was going away like I always did my laundry I always got my own sneakers but there was just

that little attitude thing I had you know I don't want to eat this I don't want to do this and now I was forced to do it and it was it was a realm that was even harder than losing my mother it was such an obstacle but the reason why I lost it I always say to you that my mother wouldn't have died today I would have been the softest man ever I would have been still been living in the basement she probably been changing my sheets I would have vacuumed I would have probably still had a part-time job or something but I just wouldn't have been a hustler you think you'd still be living there like like in that same house listen man if you're a fucking man you don't live with your mom and you ain't married you're fucked up you know even if you're making

fucking money I don't give a fuck take the basement tell her to live with you upstairs I would but this is for coming from a guy who doesn't have a mom's so you gotta understand right everybody's different I'm sure you don't want your mom living upstairs from you know every time you eat a star and come home you think she's gonna come down and lecture you and shit you couldn't do it some people couldn't do it no some people I couldn't I could never face my mom I I think it would eat me up alive eat me up alive I tried while those that year or two I was getting high before she passed right and they would I would viseen bonacca cologne wash my hands and I would really wait to not be that high in front of her I never did it ever in front of her

the only time was like one of the last time she visited we had a podcast and I went home and I had dinner and I think because she she she's kind of softened to it a little bit because when I came home and had dinner I'm gonna eat like three portions of meatloaf but other than that like I like I think she was expecting something different from someone who's really stoned and when I was normal I think she was like oh okay he's doing he's been okay he's being safe I think I would have had a hard time with it especially now thinking about it now when I'm raising mercy I'm not trying to take a tuck to the toy store I'm not trying to lure with that type of shit you know I'm trying to uh she's been showing me every time she goes to church to give her a hot wheel

a brand new fucking hot wheel so for the last month I want to go get the track you know me Doug I'm fucking 53 going on 10 listen there's not a lot of games I like there's not a lot of shit I want to do in my life but there's one thing I always liked and that was motherfucking hot wheels since I was a kid I had to tie it with all the cars in the 24 carrier and they had the 48 carrier on both sides I was a hot wheel fucking fanatic I got beat with the fucking hot wheel you ever get smacked with one of those things and he asked me you got white uh underwear on your mom you're behind the leg of one of those things with the hot wheel you have no idea what that feels like it getting hit behind your fucking thighs with hot

wheel would you throw over what no it was just he would tell me to pick him up or something and then she'd tell me go to her room and she was cleaning him up as I'd run by she'd whack me one of those fucking things you get whacked one of those fucking hot wheels jack you know you've been whacked you understand me so I always liked a monopoly I had I had all those dumb games I had please don't spill the beans I had all those stupid fucking games but nothing got my dick harder than playing with fucking uh hot wheels some of them the doors opened I couldn't do a lot of damage I didn't have to be a mechanic some of them the hoods opened you know all I had to really do is put the fucking track together it took me a fucking six months to learn how to

make it loop-de-loop the car would always fall from the fucking top that's the month that was the first rubik's cube you understand that's the first fucking thing they give you when you're like five and it fucks your world up because they keep doing it on tv and you can't get it to look and you can't do it to loop-de-loop they had a scam so what you had to do is you had to buy the track they gave you but then once you got that thing they throw it by the way at your metal they said ah if you want to loop-de-loop you got to get the extra extension so you get that extra power down your fucking living room and then if you watch closely in the commercial that's what they had they had the extra fucking extension on it so you had to go back to the fucking store and get the

extension that came with an extra fucking car you know what I'm saying they banged you out that fucking metal then you took it back home now your fucking car loop-de-loop that's currently does that even still exist what hot wheels well like just toys like that for kids yeah I'm telling you I'm gonna go get a fucking go online see what the kind of hot wheel tracks they got all right I guarantee they got shit to the blow your mind now I'm scared to go down the toys arrest because I know I'm gonna get the big fucking track from my office and put it right in there I don't give a fuck ooh they have a four lane one this is what I'm talking about when I was growing up you had a one lane that's it you had one fucking lane then they had the two and the three to race around

and shit come on dog and then you get the call later on that's actually electronic and it flies around I forget the name of that one I don't know what the fucking name of that one was and that's a small one too I know it's not hot wheels but I had one that was like kind of electric and you had like a little trigger and it would race around do you know what that's called that was fucking fun I had something like that I just don't remember I vaguely remember it to be honest with you but I can't uh I can't raise mercy how I was raised whenever I travel I bring mercy something for me at port 699 one of those fucking dollars they have I forget the brand they were big okay it's the 699 whenever I go there or wherever I go to CVS I bring it back a

fucking beanie baby okay that's the extent of it you know I she said no or something the other day and I got mad and I said next time you say no to your mom I'm gonna put you in the room you know she went in there by herself that's the type of soldier she is she put herself in time out no it's I don't want her to be like me at any fucking age they were telling me shit in an early age that they should have been fucking telling me and you know people can't handle that shit when you're an adult never mind a fucking five or six year old kid and that's why I was acting the way I was acting in hindsight I think about this shit you know so there's certain things I knew and certain privileges I had gotten and they should have never fucking done that with me you can't

do that with a child so I learned from it so now I know how to raise mercy without that bullshit when I see these kids and uh I'm in tour of Boulevard I thought audition places and they have their headshots on the floor and there's people who need a seat and they got three seats taken and and and the parents are gonna pick up your fucking what are you crazy but that you're giving your kid a certain power to think who the fuck they are by acting that way and you can't give your kid that power at the age of eight or nine or ten you know that's why I don't want people calling me all the time hey have you considered we made a thing for your daughter if you want to put a headshot in there you know what I don't think so I don't think so no I don't think so

not even at that early age I don't think so yeah she'd get a college tuition by getting a good commercial but you know what what if she gets into that life and she buys into an early age I didn't buy into it because I was dirty fucking something when I did my first day really you were that old like because you came here like 32 right something like that no I came here 97 so I was 34 years old how how were your life have been different if you didn't go to prison I was always doomed for prison really it was either get me now or get me later I'm very happy it happened when it happened very fucking happy it happened when it happened

they were either gonna get me that time or they were gonna get me in the next city for something worse for something worse or something who knows the worst thing you could let a fucking cocaine junkie think is that he could get away with things especially with a weapon I would have been a different person everybody changes once you get away with something like that you got a certain fucking auntie so I'm very happy that happened when it happened it shattered my life for a while but I don't know how I did it I put it back together now I respect that side of it you know I'm saying right I just meant more along the lines of like

the way you were with like the drugs and and and robbing like if you had come to Hollywood let's say 24 no I would have never made it I went to that weed store the other day up here and I seen them do something very fucking weird okay I seen them at 10 15 in the morning go and empty that fill up their ATM bag but they basically went out there with a fucking shopping bag filled with money who and they filled the ATM machine right in front of me I could either sell that information or I could take some guy to kick in the door and I'm there with you with a walkie talkie a piece in the year guiding you through the whole thing and you'd have to do it right but you're gonna walk out of there with some loot but you still gotta get the

only take them to the safe because they got cash in there they don't report they don't put in the bank they put the credit card receipts in the bank and they hold on to that cash and that's how that cash and that's how they rotate their reefer so if you go there or somewhere close to there there's a safe with 200 large and somewhere and that's a nice weed store so they got loot this is how my eyes were 25 years ago it sounds like they're still that way though well look you still notice it but you just don't do it I still notice it I still notice all the mistakes if I go in there one more time at 1015 and I see them doing that at 1015 they're doomed they're doomed what are you gonna do 25 years ago no not now okay 25 years ago they're doomed I figure out how to

be in there at 1015 but the problem is they have your ID so you couldn't do it I'd have to sell the information to somebody who was liable somebody I knew that would go in there and do the fucking thing clean and the only way you could do it looks like I told you today is go in there you know pull them all in the back and explain to them what you want and right away shoot some man in the cap let them go down let them yell and shit take the owner right to the back you've got a guy covering everybody and he opens up the safe and gives it to you you give him back 10 grand tell him you love him and then you'll see him again and run the fuck out of there you take that car and you fly the other fucking direction on cold water and you pray for the best and you

got both fucking roads right there you can hit the 170 or the 100 that's something I think I'm gonna see you later somewhere that guy's gonna freak out somewhere along the way you have to have a switch car and break up because that to be the three or four of us now it's not money to fucking retire in the Cayman Islands and buy a hotel no but when you're a street piece of shit 50,000 is a lot of loot for fucking 15 minutes worth plus a jar of reefer as you know I'm taking two or three jars of reefer with me but that's how loose they are they they're that loose I saw it I and I think I know the answer but you never get tempted like if like nice and like I'm okay I don't like that's probably a bad example I'm not saying Rob the store but like let's say you were

at CVS right and their deposit bag was on the counter and there was no cashiers no there's cameras everywhere today they're even gonna find me in a week or they're gonna find me in six months but they're gonna find me because I'm gonna take those posters and send them to all the CVS's and eventually something's gonna go and and I'm and I'm talking about I hate to say this word to you am I talking about now or am I talking about six years ago before the podcast either one when everyone's so I would somebody would say that guy looks familiar no you're following me I'm talking about before the longest yard and shit like that they're gonna get you in a month now with cameras you basically can't do nothing

see there's more cameras out there than what you know oh yeah we'll go the street lamps on so when you're walking down you cross from the fucking train in north Hollywood station and you walk to all those fucking bars they're on Lancashire you have like one two in the bar on the corner of the federal well they shot the sons of anarchy across in that fucking place right there whatever you do there whatever you do there is on tape on 18 different cameras plus what's flying around you had the drones and it's uh there was this thing and I was just someone destroyed something the other day but a drone caught them like they they were the caught them to strong like this natural formation and it's it's just it's it's getting kind of like it's good that they

caught that I guess but it's getting kind of weird like it's getting kind of scary to go outside now no it's not you don't think so no it's scary depending where you go and what time you're fucking go I just keep looking I was thinking about you to ask first or you leave the house you're in a positive fucking state of mind right okay you don't have to have a gun no you don't have to have none of that stuff you leave your house it's a beautiful day to be alive even if you got two dollars in your pocket because you're alive okay you walk down the fucking street you're walking your chins up your chest is out you're breathing but the beautiful thing is you're not looking at your fucking phone Lee if you pay attention America's a beautiful fucking thing well let's say I take

you and I go Lee I need a big favor take me down to Mexicanville to get heroin and and I leave you in the car by yourself and you don't really know the game you're gonna get mugged you put yourself in that position now listen mean you could be going right now to big wings after this right we walk over we go across the street the lights perfect a guy runs a red light and kills his boat there's a percentage of that there's a percentage that when we go to big wings to get wings fucking Johnny Goomba's gonna go in there shoot a bunch of us because see somebody fuck this girlfriend listen man you can't live like that you can never live like that I would never want somebody to live that way things could happen all the fucking time bad things could happen all the fucking time

and then and then the weirdest fucking situations right and that's and that's the fucking scary part like if you keep your head on top and you're not looking straight ahead and you're watching the cars coming and if you walk down the street and for some reason it's 82 degrees but that guy's got a hooded sweatshirt on and there's a bump under his fucking shirt or or you know there's a lot of things you can't control there's an earthquake and a building falls on your head you ain't fucking the Hulk you ain't holding up that fucking building right but you you can't listen in my world it scrambles through my world and time to time what if I get on a fucking plane and I'm on the plane crash and what if I get on a plane all the bobbin the 40

fucking thieves were on the fucking plane what if I get on the fucking plane and I thought there's a thousand possibilities in your life but you gotta live your life you can't just listen you know why I know this Lee why because I told you once I told everybody on this listen to this podcast there was nobody who's more scared than I am of life if I would be a millionaire I would stay in my house all the time yeah that's what I'm saying and you would know that but it wouldn't be because of fear it would be because yeah social fears it would be because of a thousand fears but it wouldn't be fear because the world might fucking end you don't think I worry about my wife you don't think I worry about my child you

don't think I worry about my friend Timmy driving a truck in New York all night you don't think I worry about the Agostino driving on the 4050 fucking day you don't think I worry about Tommy he's still in the fucking van I know I know the realities that Tommy East and Tommy East knows the realities of living in a van but you know it's when Kate came in here eight months ago and she was talking about more than a van obviously you don't know the realities of living in a fucking van no you know listen man bad things happen to good people bad things always happen to great people and it breaks my heart it breaks my heart you know right now tonight I could leave here some guy comes up looking for fucking pussy and he shoots you in the fucking

chest no reason no rhyme or reason you had nothing to do with his fucking world and your gun that could happen also a lot of things happen like that but you always have to live your life I do try to push it out like it's it's not I don't I don't feel like it's something I dwell on all day but I do all the night there's one one night every 10 days I lay down a horrible talk comes to my mind about my family my daughter and myself and I have to actually get up the reason why I have to get up is because it's a reality I could pass it through my mind but I can't digest it so I just do what I was doing smoke a number watch tv for a while and get the thought out of my head and say a prayer because I listen if you think at 15 16 I thought my mom

was gonna die you're fucking crazy all right you're fucking crazy who thinks they're gonna get up in the middle of the night and find somebody on the floor whether it's your mom your uncle your sister your brother who who in this right fucking world nobody that's the last thing anybody ever thinks about that's the last thing anybody thinks about when you guys go to dinner and we crack jokes for an hour and we giggle and shit and you know we tell stories and then you get in your car and I go on my car and somebody else goes in that car and we say goodbyes and I'll see you tomorrow what time at least 3 30 I'll see them when you get that call four in the morning that he got hit by a drunk driver but wait a second this is a fucking dream this is a fucking dream that's

the same way I felt when Dominic special died that's the same way I felt with Anthony Balzano died he just I just saw him at six o'clock what do you mean he went the pathmark at nine o'clock at night I just saw him at six he was going home for dinner he was gonna study for a math test tomorrow you understand me things happen in life that's what makes life live is that things happen people pass and one day you have to learn how to live without them somebody passed in my life a couple years ago it's really weird the friends you gather and the relationships you have with them and some of them pass and and you say a prayer for them you send flowers you go to the funeral you think of them from time to time I have a friend that passed maybe four five years ago maybe right

before around grudge match right like I talked to him while I was shooting grudge match and he was a dear friend of mine he's the guy that took me out of fucking jersey he talked me into going to Colorado with him buying a car and putting under my name but he crashed it and uh it was just uh we hooked up in 83 and obviously we're friends till he passed three years ago and it was a friendship that I talked to him once a week you know when I was back there I don't meet with a lot of people there would be one night a week in 93 where he would pick me up on Monday nights we'd drive down the shore together we go on those boat we'd go back to his house eat the fish we'd smoke pot we'd watch a movie then we'd go to bed and we'd both he'd drive me back to New York

city the next day at four forty five in the morning I'd be by Madison Square Garden at fucking five thirty a.m. walking around why so early because that's when he was in charge of all the window washes in like six or seven buildings him and his brother worked at the World Trade Center for a while and they moved them around but I spoke to him you know various times when he came on here he was in Huntington Park and I actually scheduled the gig down there it was like two days after my next surgery with the fatball I actually scheduled the gig down there just so I could see him and he came with his brother and had a great time with him and another time we went to fucking Atlantic City and on the way there we were eating those contaminated crab legs with

blood on them and shit we got a call from Linda Road to go to Connecticut and do a comedy gig he drove me and just just shit like that you know and sure enough a couple of years ago he passed and I gotta tell you something I still keep his number in my phone I got his number in my phone Nakafoli's number in my phone I got like three people who punched the ticket in the last three or four years I kept that fucking number just because that's the type of cycle I am they're not they're just I'm just having their phone got disconnected for a few weeks I'll bump into them someday you know I'm saying like I keep it that way but Jimmy I think about once a day I'm craving the reason why I've been taking them on the last five days he used to make this dish you ready

tell me he gets spaghetti he'd boil it good start boil it boil it boil it boil it nice nice he had it perfect while he was cooking the fucking spaghetti he'd fry up some bacon all right and then he'd take the bacon off and he let it get really really crispy really really crispy really really crispy really really crispy and then he'd take the fucking spaghetti out he put it in the strainer and then when it was in the strainer he'd throw a piece of fucking butter in that motherfucker and he'd start right there working it with the butter and shit then he'd throw that right into the fucking thing with the bacon not yet then he'd throw the bacon on top of that some more butter on top of that then he'd get an egg yolk and throw the egg yolk on top of that

and he'd mix it in real fucking good he'd throw some salt and pepper on that motherfucker and Lee it was delicious delicious sounds amazing delicious oh but you got protein dump your view lifting weights forget about it he would cook a big pot of it once a week and just put it in the freezer under the refrigerator I'm sorry and from time to time you could take the pot out and just take a bowl put in the microwave oven and bang yeah just sell some fucking pasta the bacon bits were tremendous how you made them I can never make it that way and I've been dying to make it for my daughter there's something different it's like a Puerto Rican fellow Chini Alfredo right uh but I don't think she'll eat it with the bacon

she doesn't like bacon what the fuck knows she eats bologna and she calls it salami what are you gonna do with her yeah I don't know what I'm gonna do with her I got no problems with you and shit like that what I'm gonna do it's been fun going up on Tuesday nights I've been enjoying it Lee that was the weirdest thing I've ever listened to people let me explain something to you you could do comedy when you first start out in comedy you do what's called open mics and there where you show up but you sign up and there's a bunch of dickheads who think they're movie stars and they get up and they do horrible material and you wait there all night you do comedy in front

of other comedians and it's how it really is how it really is uh it's like going to fucking die every time you go to those places because emotionally you fucking die it's been really I don't know how comedians develop in open mics because very rarely do you get any positive reinforcement so I'm like how do you know what is good because all you're learning how to do is becoming a wordsmith at that point you're just going up there you're just hitting numbers open mics are numbers I don't know what the magic number is for Lee Syat for Joe Diaz it may be eight eight hundred and fifty open mics but for Lee Syat right now where I see maybe 200 open mics and you'll be feature acted no yes I don't think I want to be no no no no no no but it's good that

you're doing it because now I can take you on the road and shit give me the small 100 you do eight shows that'd be fun sure be fun you know I don't know nothing else in your life I I never thought this was anything because you know I it's a story that everyone knows that I didn't want to talk on here but now like I'm so like fucking I can't shut you the fuck up yeah that's true that's also now I gotta smack you twice to talk and 18 times to shut up you like a crime relocation witness god Lee no no no let me tell you something I love going to the county store and I love going to the lab factory and I love going to the improv but I've been doing it for 20 years guys in January and you go to a comedy club not to stay there it depends how you use it you know the comedy

store is a great club when I go in there I go to work bro it's work 10 years ago it was a little bit more fun when you're doing more rooms like last night then you have a thing called these open mics which people have been doing comedy over 10 years they don't go to you your pride just says I'm not going home no more I've always known that that's the heart of comedy I always know that when I need to improve or I need to be thankful for what I've done and what I have I have to go to open mics and years ago it would be those Mexican rooms because it's very weird to go on stage at the comedy store when you first get here and have Gary Shanling bring you up and then you're bringing up dice but at the same time that same night I was bringing up a Mexican dude with a limp

and another one that stutters down in some cougar room and fucking Pomona do you follow me in that most fuck with your head it didn't fuck with my head it doesn't it made me a better comedian balanced me on it showed me that comedy was comedy doesn't matter who the fuck you're on stage with you got to work the same fucking way whether Jesus dice is there or fucking Dave Chappelle is there or some open mic kid from fucking Redlands it really doesn't fucking matter that's what that taught me so for years I would go to clubs at willy ran filly base bars around that you get stabbed at all right but at the same time he ended up at the comedy store and knew another spot so no matter how bad it was in that room you found where I was

working at I was working both sides of the fucking fence just to balance my head out right so it wouldn't overwhelm me that's a smart way to do it I had to Lee I had to so like do you think if people like just start going to the store and get passed right away like you got passed right away and if you were just doing amazing spots do you think I got passed at the comedy store the same way I got my blue belt okay I was a hard worker I put together a set it took me a long time it took me six years of my life to get into work hard to get into the comedy store and I'm not gonna lie nobody the first two years I was dicking off I was dicking off so for four years I gave up everything I lived in an office I went to fucking jail for for arguing with some chicks

boyfriend and get arrested for domestic violence I lived on scraps Josh Wolf helped me out I mean it was a nightmare I lived in a basement with a fucking bed and a bench for dinner it was completely of who the fuck I was it was completely out of my comfort zone but the whole time I was fucking evolving and I wasn't even knowing it I wasn't even knowing it I was shedding that skin I wasn't even knowing it I wasn't even fucking knowing it so it took me basically six years I was to that point now was I a good comic to be at the store no I've seen better comics I got into the store but she liked characters and that's what I had on my side and that's not I mean that's not a knock against you no but here's the problem she gave me a run and in that run

I developed into a comedian somewhere another not a great comedian not even a very very good comedian I developed into a good comedian what's a good comedian he's a comedian for the comics in the back he has a couple good jokes you know he might bomb two nights a week but the other two nights people are gonna be scared to follow and I think the other benefit to doing multiple sets a night is I never really feel an itch to go up I enjoy going up Tuesdays but when we're all standing outside after Tuesday I'm always like I wonder if I could like there's a late one I could do like it's fun like once you start doing it you want to keep I want to keep doing it it's like it has it it definitely has like a you see what that's becoming up there yeah that's really fun

that's becoming what my life was like in Seattle really for this special I wanted to take myself back when the Agostino when the Agostino said he was doing a party up there he called me and he goes Joey this is a nice place I knew I was shooting a special I go talk to the guy he called me back he goes I got the room do you want to do the September 8th I got sick obviously but I've been up there every night since July 16th yeah or July 22nd whatever the f**k it was I've been up there every one of those nights and the main reason why I'm doing that is because I wanted to take myself to square one for this special I wanted to go back to that level I wanted

to go back to that level even though I'm closing the room I want to go back to that camaraderie made me happy about comedy you know once you step over the line and you're in those Hollywood clubs and those little side clubs they have in Santa Monica you have a lot of agents and managers and you have a lot of the other side of business people at these clubs so people tend to act differently they tend to act differently they do different material in front of agents they try to smile you know that's great that's great I'm sure I did the same f**king s**t you know but at the same time it's nice to do comedy when there's nobody in me there

just regular bar people talking to you that we met that really nice guy last night at office a studio and a camera we met those dudes from Kansas City that were cool as s**t you know people have been coming out it's 10 11 12 people we end the f**king show at a little quarter to 11 everybody goes home early nobody's drinking and driving sometimes we have a bag of weed sometimes you sit around and we get a bunch of finger food for a bunch of guys and you have no idea what it does for me you look forward to it look forward to it every f**king Tuesday because it's a complete different side of where I'm at now I go to these shows and they're f**king sold out and people want to hear certain material and I don't blame them you know they paid

ticket price they want to f**king see what makes them laugh and whatever but it's also really nice to go on stage without any of that pressure last night the waitress said are you guys going to stay and I go I didn't know we were leaving and she goes we think we really like for you guys to stay listen after I shoot this special first place I'm going to be that Tuesdays at that place just starting over because you I I'm not disappointed but I look forward to certain things now I want to see how jokes are evolving for the special because I don't really get to see you do those stuff because you do it on the weekends and you don't really have a repeat stuff on Tuesday so I get bummed down I'm like ah well I got the same people in there and what I'm

trying to do is work a complete different muscle that's it and you know what every week you tape it for me and I'll show you that comic notebook with the dates every week there's two lines in there that might not be useful now but someday they're going to be right there when I need them someday I'm going to go through that notebook and they're going to be right motherf**king there where I need them so you have like a no book of like just like lines I just started this since the special Willie's going to give me a notebook with what I the set list we're going to take I don't think you come down Friday and Saturday but I bring my iPhone the Augustino note the Augustino tape it he'll tape boat shows Friday and Saturday and then

that tape I'm going to send to Willie and then we're going to meet Tuesday and then we leave for Austin Thursday Austin I'm going to start shaping it up okay cutting fat I'm going to tape the sets then I come back Tuesday night and then boom Wednesday I'm in New York City I haven't decided I'm doing sets in the city because I got to see a lot of people this time so Thursday and Friday and Saturday I'm in the city that's four more shows now I come home and I'm home a whole f**king week so the whole goddamn week I'm on stage one night with you one night with Willie taping the next day just right that whole week that I'm not doing much I don't even think I'm going to jiu-jitsu wow I'm listening on the YMCA and throw weights around in the morning after I

drop off mercy so I could give it a bigger window okay train myself like I've been doing two hours now I gotta go to four I gotta find the spot where I could go to every day and right without a phone right without anything a diner or something where I could sit in the back and nobody will bother me for three or four hours that's my next venture we can't go to no hope because the food is so bad I'll last two f**king hours in there but that's the plan now there's no more wasted time in that dark horse saloon is going to be the nucleus of it yeah it's a grand sale I look forward to it too man I'm really surprised we're not getting more um I don't know how to say it but I'd say it's the wrong way a lot uh more

uh yes interest no more uh higher up comics okay you know I don't understand why being that there's a lot of comics in the valley they go down to Hollywood and on the way back they could stop and see that would be the the ticket if you promote the room like the show starts at nine but the show really starts 11 30 and that's when you get like three f**king good comics to come up and do a half hour piece and you're keeping people there till one o'clock that's the show that I'd love to put together there in the future I would host it you know what I'd charge them not a dime it would be yeah it would just be a f**king family Tuesdays so from nine to one yeah yeah have comics stop and like hitters like people on television just to pop in and do 30

minutes in front of 10 people HBO reached out to them to write a special Damon Wayne something like that I used to see it all the time at the comic store but nobody's allowed to do past 15 minutes anymore at the store so now a lot of people aren't going down to the workout they're sets oh okay you follow me so they have to give them a lot of sets a lot of people don't want that so 15 minutes here 20 minutes here and then 15 upstairs forget it I'll just go to one place I can do an hour so how can you get the word out to the comics well they'll they'll find out eventually that there's a good room on receipt on Tuesday f**king nights it's you know 15 to 20 people tops you know eight of them are comedians and just go up there and try your luck come down

what do you got to f**king lose get those more like I said last night that's where it all starts in those little f**king comedy rooms is where comedy f**king starts people come out of here and they are when I can't wait to perform at the comedy store I can't wait to perform at the improv slow down Nellie slow down you walk in there there's somebody in there you bomb they're not going to put you back on stage be prepared learn the f**king terrain and then go down there and test the f**king wars and don't get me wrong that was the first place I went I went to the store first and I got on stage at the Laugh Factory the next night first two walked about just to see what it was about just to see what is about right why not I'm

going I'm moving here and the store went well how's the Laugh Factory go I did well but Jamie didn't like me so that was too dirty so he told me not to come back there till I cleaned up my act I was back there two weeks later on a Monday night any cleaner no and I continued doing that Monday night every night for about a year the latin show that but he didn't work Monday nights so he didn't have to look at the lineups there was an independent producer so he had no idea I was performing on Monday nights he never came in on Monday I was always nervous I was going to be on stage on one coming and yank me off give me the light never we never came in on a f**king Monday night

you never saw no that's one of the things though that's honestly is one of the the most things that's deterring me from what if I wanted to do comedy like full time is like hearing all these people's stories about 15 20 years of struggle to get like I don't think I have that in me well let me explain to you the situation you're in and especially from what I saw last night I see a lot of guys go up did you light the room on fire last night not really no you got a few laughs but the most important thing was your joke delivery was superb your premises were on the target like they were like they were premises of a guy that's been doing comedy three years you know I'm saying like you already got there like you already went through

the first three years you're doing Michael Jackson you're doing Bill Cosby s**t you're doing impersonation of Arnold lightness dick on fire you did yeah you're doing asshole jokes because you got to find your voice right so until you find your voice is when you start writing those type of jokes oh okay you follow me the only joke that was strong for me was the only one that's sucking your dick and asking you you want to do a green diet you know you can't do it you can't be sucking a dick maybe she's doing something now I you know for who am I I don't f**king know nothing about writing you don't see me on HBO so what I'm saying to you is that you have a lot going for you do you have time to do comedy and go out there and make friends and talk to people

especially rooms in the valley yeah yeah you're a young man one being never heard nobody somebody at each of these open mics is going to know you the agustino goes to one tonight right here valley college honestly that's one of them and okay I that's one of the things I'm worried about to be honest what do you like it no no no I know I like it I'm worried about where I would go to get an actual response because I don't I don't want anyone to be like oh he works with joey Diaz laugh hard no you're gonna just do an open mic tour that's it bars put yourself on the list go in the back sit down get a beer leave we're gonna put you on 12th okay you're gonna be a gentleman you're not doing nothing at the house except

watching the f**king porn with nickels just a thought that you know that I couldn't believe I had to research talking about on stage that uh you know some guy three some what a f**king nickel yeah so what I said was is I was getting into chatterbait because just cause porn's kind of boring and I have never paid anybody but I looked it up because I wanted to see how much a token was worth and it said the performers get about five cents a token so it's just it's like Jesus Christ and they asked for 13 tokens yeah sometimes like a hundred tokens for like a blow job or something so that's five bucks five bucks to watch somebody give a blow that's how much that that's how much they'll get I think they probably charge the people who want to pay more I should

look that up that's another funny thing they're probably getting them from both ends but your promises were good thank your composure is good you're not nervous and not like you're up there f**king you're very confident and that's it and you know what that's fine you're not performing for an agent you're not performing for a showcase for Montreal well come on up here maybe I'll let you do my room in Hollywood we're top people to see you know what you're just doing open mics and I gotta tell you something if I could stall life I wish I was still in Seattle we're Brody, Gavin, Josh Wolk, Tana Manu, Al Triferis, Al Fox, Rod Long I would give everything just to be stuck up there still living modestly working out at some gym and just doing that whole city circuit

because I gotta tell you something it was the first time I felt I wish I could have gone up there without that girl really that was my biggest mistake was going up there after and chasing her she was a good girl she meant well but my temperament doesn't agree or women do that type of s**t so it just didn't work but if I could do it all over again oh my god it was one of the best times of my life because it was the first time as a comedian that I was doing it I'm doing this this isn't like a dream anymore of me crying in my room circling f**king goals and those days are long gone I'm in it I'm in this motherfucker right now and to know that is tremendous I know I'm not a star I know I'm not on TV I know nobody's seen me I know that nobody wants to call

me from Hollywood behind me I know all these things but guess what I'm in the game now for a while there I was looking out from the outside now I'm hanging out with other feature acts I'm going to shows with them I'm getting booked as a feature I got three ladies in the book and me I'm gonna feature at the comedy underground I'm gonna feature at giggles you all these things are going on are you getting rich f**k no you're getting 250 to feature at the underground 250 for a week a weekend 250 feature at f**king the giggles you would get 300 because the 50 from Thursday night the casino whatever f**k that was Tacoma and as a feature act you have $50 a show all the bars if you were headlining you got 100 if you were co-headlining you got 75 a piece

so like let's say you're a feature right in one of these cities and they feature let's say someone features for you do will they sometimes go out and do other spots around after that that night all night long I would get in a car with josh wolf and we'd start over the f**king bridge and we'd pop the spot over that 830 for the small 25 and then we'd shoot over to the comedy underground and close the show there because a bunch of comedians are getting together for 70% of the dope and we get like $32 or something like that and then from there we get in the f**king car and go to the artistic side of Seattle there was a bar there that had cages it was like downstairs I forget what the f**k the name of that place was and they had like a you show up we pay your

policy 25 bucks 20 bucks who cares right you just made 120 hours 140 hours for the night that's not gonna happen every night that doesn't happen every night that happens twice a week and then the other night you pick up the small 50 here the small 50 there so you're walking around with 350 a week in Seattle you're getting 700 every two weeks 1400 a month you're paying rent you're living with three guys in the one bedroom you're sleeping on the floor to the one guy f**king goes to rehab you know it's one of those situations but you gotta shower you warm you gotta have a car maybe not in those days because we pick you up in those days and there was gigs all over Bremerton there was gigs all up and down Seattle

if you hustled like when I got there I f**king hustled I hustled so hard that one day Craig gas f**king threatened me why because I was at the lobo whatever a lobo container with Josh Wolfe eating and he came in late is this the guy that's f**king working up a storm I got to Seattle on a Saturday I was featuring to John Fox in Boise Idaho on f**king Friday night I went right to work there wasn't no month training time there wasn't no f**king evaluation time there was none of that bullshit you didn't have the time I went right to work yeah right to work I got to Seattle on a Saturday I went to I went to the f**king Seattle underground that night I talked to a guy named Ron Reed I had a reference

from Rick Kearns was featuring for me in Columbus Ohio one of my comedy f**king idols one of the guys that used to headline and I would feature and he'd make me drive the truck while he got f**king lit but I learned a lot of things from Rick Kearns he taught me how to write a joke he taught me how to be yourself you know he's been fired from every radio show he's the real f**king deal Rick Kearns we're gonna have a good time he's cleaning sober now he writes for Ron White and Larry the cable guy and a couple other guys so he's just a writer cool but he wants to keep his head sharp so we were talking to them like oh f**k it come with me to motherf**king Columbus that'll be fun but yeah I got to Seattle I used his name I called that dude on Monday I found out

that there was this lady Pat something that book comedians I called her she told me the facts of my veils got them on there I called this Cuban dude who booked the improv at the time wasn't an improv no more I faxed him my veils I called this chick Donna something in Portland Oregon faxed her my veils and I was off and running Jack and I got to call Thursday hey Joe D is John Fox do you want to drive to Boise I know with Vince Valenzuela on Saturday night for $150 you bet your f**king ass and that's it that was it a week I was there and I was already plugging the f**king but I had been out every night that week doing spots making people chit chat so are those $50 spots like the next step above open mics yes okay 25 50 35 40 in the dinner

25 in the dinner who's paying you look the restaurant or like a booker we have two different things sometimes you have a private you have a club manager that has a f**king sense of humor and on Tuesdays he does karaoke on Wednesdays he does stand-up comedy Thursdays ladies night and Friday and Saturday Friday and Saturday Sundays f**k you suck my dick I put hot dogs out you come in you eat what the f**k is here you know it's that type of bar mentality you have that guys you you have those guys and they'll set themselves a budget they'll say uh our budget for the room here is 400 bucks three comedians so the headliner gets the most the feature in the headline and the mc those rooms if it's a $400 f**king budget uh 175 125 and the mc gets 100 now let's say

Lee Syat is a comedian and he walks into that bar and he goes how you doing I like to put comedy in here they say okay well what are your proposed well you got two options I could charge in the bar but that'd be difficult that confused the bar we got a lot of regulars so why don't we do this why don't you kick me f**king 250 a month okay 250 a week to do the shows here well let's start with two a month okay so you got yourself 500 bucks so you paid joke now you're you're a working comic you live in an apartment with three animals okay okay you promote this show you get 75 people down there every week so your budget's 250 you're gonna pay the mc you're gonna pay the feature 75 bucks right right you don't make no money no it's 250 yeah yeah but you get more you should walk

with like 150 the ms the features you get 125 and the headliner you get 175 you have those type of rooms so every week you just book a guy your budget's 500 bucks they're gonna give you 500 bucks at the end of the show what you need to do is divide it sometimes you might get a guy that's just starting to do 45 he's not a tv act but there's a f**king laker game on ain't nobody gonna be here anyway right you're following me and after the lake is lose or win these people gonna get up and leave they're already drunk so you can think that way there's strategies in the bar you're not gonna book f**king uh mark hunt you know labor day week not mark hunt i'm sorry you're not gonna book uh chodias in uh myrtle beach labor day weekend why not because you're gonna nobody's gonna come

you're gonna get stuck eating the week so on those off weeks you book a regular guys you don't take that much of a hit there's different times you'll learn different types of the year the book star names and there's different types of the year the books bumps like me and then there's different types of the year to book basic guys a thousand a week plus a plane ticket just because it doesn't no one's gonna come anyway so don't spend the night yeah it's it's that time of the year where they don't lift the rock if you do have uh louis ck in there they're not gonna pay 75 the week before christmas no so let me not have louis ck in there let me have arisha fee and joe dears for 25 2250 it's two shows two nights thursday and friday before saturday

christmas do you follow me right so those are the type of people you book because then like that people will come out if you book a no-name comic you're gonna get half the draw f**k it you want to book those two before christmas there's strategies the first two weeks of january you're not gonna book f**king toly bannon are you but you always go out the first two weeks january i go out the third week third week third week because people start to get crazy that's it everybody starts smoking reefer again the mother starts sucking dick people start doing everyone all that s**t they talked about they're gonna quit that s**t wears off by the 14th by the 14th they're done and that's when you hit that's when i come to town hey and also now like it wasn't my fault joey dears came to

town i had to have a drink the dabba bars are pretty good that's what dabba oh yeah yeah i'm not gonna listen we don't eat chibichu no more because they're a bad product we don't eat chibichu's because we'd have to eat 18 chibichu's at 180 milligrams to see the devil i'll call those guys now i've got a box over here in those 180s and we'll give them a run i guarantee now if we bring the chibichu's back we can only eat three of them for 180 jeez christ uh yeah that's 540 540 yeah we'll have a uh a nervous break oh yeah i think we might want to maybe start with two no two is 360 360 achievement you ain't gonna do dick dealie you're way beyond that you got you gotta start with a nickel of everything i'm pretty high right now i'm i'm kind of regretting and so let's have

a little piece of chocolate this chocolate smoother than smooth this fucking guy i'm telling you they got into my car i'm getting pissed off and shit what do you got planned for the weekend tazen the weekend well um i thought i was going to the improv um you don't want to go i do so then you go what are you gonna do what are you gonna do with the white you're gonna bring her with you no maybe i'll go one night we'll solve figure it out um here you go have a little chocolate and see and then there's there's you have seen this weekend too a good one Saturday night yeah i'm not gonna be able to watch it my show's the end of the clock no but you'll be your that's the best part about having it you're probably right brother

it was one of those nights tonight guys we're stoned already we got stoned early i started with we attend this morning people attend they get together to have coffee and talk about the state of the world we had a conference call and decided to do a 92 at least i've squeezed the bottle people get pissed off and shy poorly you don't like chocolate now you got a fucking earthquake in heli let me give some shout outs real quick to the real jeremiah new b berry sully s esio auditory b ferretti chris clark bryan majewski jared roberts and kasey sanford i'm sorry about the short conversation with lives carmuch she's my girl i bet she was in the middle of something like that

uh we'll get her next time up the fuck up here last night or two nights ago lee and i were having a weird conversation and i felt bad about the conversation we had when i got home because i didn't interpret myself the right way lee and i have another mutual friend that uh cries that things don't go his way but he doesn't put the full effort into it and when he does it's for six weeks when you're starting a podcast when you're putting videos on youtube when you're like caches morris whatever you decide to do i want you to look into the mirror and go i'm gonna stick with this for a year i'm gonna do what do you look at that chocolate oh i wish i had a film right now lee's looking at that last piece of chocolate like it's the worst thing like it's

a dead cockroach i wish i had a camera i do but i might not be taking pictures lee eat the fucking thing why you why do you always look at chocolate all weird and it's always like a challenge for you just swallow it and drink the fucking you got water yeah i'm fine all right well that's it bam that's it where's the water don't even taste it where's the water i just know it doesn't this one doesn't taste bad no no this one doesn't taste bad people wait give me the minute you hear a gag effect then you'll hear a water crinkling you don't know yeah i don't fucking know i just saw it two minutes ago you don't know i know oh my god that was scary looking at you so anyway last night lee and i

all right the bar and we're talking about this fucking mook and i told you i told you that's what you're gonna hear things for it sounds like you're sucking a dick like somebody just popped it in his mouth and left it in there it's choking him to death and he's like i'm trying to talk what did i do i had a hot pan time because that was what i wanted to school play and that lee and i were talking about vacations and lego's where was he when you spoke to him i go this motherfucker was on vacation for a week and lego's i at least just had a weird look on his face i go you know man people really don't understand that when you first get this venue is going you have to stick to it consistently consistently i have so many fucking people who have mad at me

over the years because i didn't go to that stupid party on a wednesday night at nine o'clock i used to have a rule years ago i will do your thing after i do a set first but joey my parents are coming to town they never come to town i don't have parents and i miss my friends in jersey i don't have a chance to go back so i sacrifice so that means if i sacrifice when i'm sacrificing on my own i'm sacrificing your shit too so here's the deal i'm gonna go do a fucking spot you got two choices you want to bring your dad down bring him down you want to see him i have to do the show lee in those days in my mind it was like uh when you tried to tell your mom you were sick and your mom said okay you could stay home from school but you can't go out that's the most fucked

up on no tv it's the same thing it's the same fucking thing how can you uh get something started just drop it like that but then in three weeks he'll be calling you and me going you're not gonna believe this this is what happened i don't know what to do well you want one work thing and one work thing and one vacation for 10 fucking days in a row and i go lee you know what you can't do this shit you know i love to go on vacations like the next guy but i can't focus that 10 days shit like i've said after three days you want to jump off a fucking building when something's cooking with gas you just can't stop the fucking train and i've seen people do it and i've seen them take a long time to get back up man years ago i had a friend

i still talk to him he doesn't live in Los Angeles no more i think about him from time to time because not only was it was he a good fucking comic but he was starting to pop some fucking movies as like good roles a fucking tremendous roles in fact people come into the comedy store to see this guy this guy popped the movie opposite fucking the black chick that won the academy award halloween right out of the comic store i've been on that fucking how many times i've been on that stage you think i haven't even popped a short movie i haven't even popped a drug documentary out of the comic store this guy used to go in there four or five fucking times

he's gone today he had three movies that he should have been set for fucking life especially how he looked he could have had his agent switch him over to tv he could have been that guy on every show the third guy you don't know what his name is but he was on that show right yeah he got a so what meanwhile he's making 48 grand a week and you have no fucking idea who he is perfect that's the guy you want to be the guy at the farmer's market that has a beard and you know he looks familiar and once he walks away you're like that's the guy from csm i am he makes 50 000 a week i'm saying well yeah he was doing these movies in 98 and his agent switched him over to 2000 the television especially his agent was a big shot agent this guy hooked up with a

check and ended up moving to the fucking south and i see not tweets but facebook things when he still does local gigs this guy was a movie star how did he convince to move to the south i don't know he bumped into jesus i don't fucking know he just one day said i'm gonna fucking not do this no more and i want to move down there and i don't blame him this gets fucking old this this high and some people look at it for what it is and i'm not doing this shit no more i'm gonna take the 40 000 let me know that so this is the home movie and i'm gonna fucking buy a house and fucking louisiana and the swamp or something like that whatever i'm just saying this shit he made like three movies with three big fucking movies one i remember was baps

paps paps and then the other two i don't remember what the fuck they were but he was on his way dog and one time tarantino was up there watching for something and once tarantino comes to the fucking comedy store somebody's talking about you jack and then how long after tarantino was he gone maybe a year or two back to you brother i love when you go up then you go on stage i love it whatever you decide to do with it you're 28 years only you got the world by the balls you know i want you to go on the road and suffer like i did is it worth it it's not worth it for comedy but it's worth it for your soul it really is to go out there and

see what people are about do i want my daughter to go on the road and do comedy fuck no if larry came up to me or or bobby came up to me and said you know i want to go on the road right now i don't know what to tell him because i don't remember how i did it i just did it i just knew i had to do it and i i did it so so let's say i have these i have a podcast two nights a week with you should i be going to three open nights a week like what do you like what would you recommend i think you should go to two of the same open nights every week become friends with different comics go hang out with people your own age talk to people with different perspectives than a fucking old guy like me and steve simone and whoever else you're fucking dangled with and god knows

what you might learn you might come to me and say you know what i might book a room and be the host and you know lee that's the best thing about life that if you apply to it you don't know where it's going to take you that's even a better that's even a better right you got the degree remember they said to you get the degree and then you can do whatever you want because you've only got something to fall back on you got something to fall back on i guess yeah you got something to fall back on you got a degree you know how to edit well you got a camera there's a thousand things you could do with your life right now at 53 there's a thousand things i could do in my life i could stop doing stand-up and just try to write this fucking book and keep writing fucking books

just keep writing them lock myself in a coffee shop every day for four hours and write six days a week it's a different type of job and just do the podcast who knows who knows what the future fucking calls but you got to get out there to see it it's not on twitter no your future is not on facebook your future is not playing those games and sending nickels to those poor people i don't have nickels anywhere the second dick on fucking tv there you should be shot none you're a nice jewish boy there's a fucking human talent what do they call that human trafficking and shit they got fakes miles and shit they tell them if they suck 20 dicks they got a sandwich that night they're over there starving you put nickels in the fucking thing bioteans is that what that is but it's not

big coin well it's kind of like big coins whatever the fuck they are what do they call kind of like big coins but they just have their own tokens fuck just pay pal the bitch a yardstick and tell us in your picture or something i don't fucking know what what are you so perverted for i call this kid what are you doing i'm on the computer emailing people from you or not you're on big coin fucking watch naked women i can't physically do it all day well yes you can give me the paperwork please what are you i can't physically do it all day okay how about your big fucking trenches all day would you like that no that'd be terrible all right then then what's the difference get your fingers off the computer knobs going to women's sites paying nickels i don't paint i never once paid

for nickels uh whatever your name is why are you why are you embarrassing yourself i know you went out there you just don't check my credit card statements how are you credit card so you're paying for it we're big of teams what the fuck what do you think i'm a half a retard i know what the fuck you're doing cocksucker you're selling the computer the one you bang went out yeah i'm gonna wake up sure but i know you're looking at those dirty people i know you you're a Jew for a nickel are you kidding me you think like you're lying to me i think i think you like the guy last night left my wallet at home that's the oldest Jew thing that that's Jew 101 i don't give a fuck we'll pick up whatever you need but what are you coming over here that Jew 101 i really don't say nothing

he doesn't sell it at all no he doesn't sell it then you come up then i don't i don't use bigotines but you know all about them Lee that means you used i did the research you did the research and you looked how much they were a nickel and you said wait a second let me do the math here for five hours i can see a woman do something dirty you're on there four or five times a day giving out bags of nickels bags of nickels they see you and they go it's uncle Lee with nickels and you got a perverter with them in town to do certain things you don't think i fucking know but i know i know everything you're disgusting that's why i love you by the way i'm not judging me i don't give a fuck i'm just telling you you're a disgusting type of young man i like that a bunch of

i love going to jujitsu i really do i enjoy myself daily uh and you know why i enjoy myself something i don't have in my regular life today i put on some white shorts with this belt i love these white shorts but no matter how tight not the fucking belt my pants always fall all fucking dead i went to jujitsu on the way back i had underwear now i had the underwear not mixing with the fucking you know in fact the underwears would save me on the way home my point is in my normal life so i don't know how i get close to fit me but you know what fits me perfectly me on these and when i worm to jujitsu you're gonna jujitsu you're gonna go to the gym you'll go boxing class maybe cross training class you go to these places

and you're not comfortable you you're just not fucking comfortable there's something wrong with your underwear you know what i have i've never had this problem with me on these that's why whatever gym i go to whatever workout i'm gonna do i have me on these under there one because of the mold all a cotton fabric two because of the fucking comfort and three because now they snug me and keep me fucking dry like i said every pair of me on these is made from a sustainable source motor a fabric that's twice as soft as cotton i'm telling you it is the best nothing can describe the fit and feel of me on these but once you try them you'll understand why they're called the world's most comfortable underwear and why uncle joey tells you if i got

something important to do i got fucking me on these on okay they don't sweat your balls of fresh shit like that and if you don't love the first pair of me on these i'll tell you what i'll do they're free no questions asked me on these has dozens of styles and limited edition prints to help you make a statement with your underwear whether anyone can see them or not remember superman all right do me a favor shipping is free in the u.s and canada and you can save up to eight dollars a pair with me on these subscript subscription plan get the subscription or single pair get twenty percent off your first order when you go to me on these dot com slash joey again me on these dot com slash joey that's me on these dot com slash joey for twenty percent off your

first order right and you're not going to be sorry i love them if i like i said if i go to anything athletic i got me on these on you understand me why does i want to feel fucking tough and stuff they always whenever i was like when i did ty for they ride up so i'm i'm gonna have to get some me on these comfort is the whole thing man for years you run around uncomfortable and you don't know it so you put something comfortable on uh number two you know what's a great service and a buddy of mine subscribed and he broke it down for me club w club w is a really good concept you know you've been in a while now at your local store just staring at a massive selection of wine with no idea which bottle to choose happens to everybody i look at why i don't know what the fuck's going on

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here tonight lee your little combatose tonight that chocolate got you got me working over here double time on a solo tip you don't say nothing you're looking like the sad clown and i ain't mad at you you know i ain't mad at you i know you're getting fucking fucked up tonight look at you i'm fucked up i thought i talked a lot to him but no you didn't say much you're looking around like i'm like i owe you twenty dollars i ain't mad at you don't talk uh just a lot of interesting thing in life lately this is it it's the fourth quarter we're headed towards the end of the goddamn year and uh i got a couple things i'm working on and it's just it's just uh gets hectic so if i haven't gotten back to anybody or something you know with the child now and now saturday soccer camp

and it's it's it really has been overwhelming lee and i have had a conference call three or four times a week the last three weeks you know so you're sitting there waiting talking explaining to people what's going on it's overwhelming you know what i'm trying to write a special i'm trying to lose weight i'm trying to eat healthy so uh bear with us you know i'm saying we're bad motherfucking soldiers just like you don't want to congratulate my main man larry he's going on to fucking greener pastors and shit instead of fucking being the eyeball of debt he's gonna be the fucking salesman of debt we have to church support him and we love him and we'll see him in las vegas halloween weekend lee's band from las vegas i think they bang it throughout the state

yeah you have to gamble in bar stone and shit we gotta go to bar stone get those fucking tofu fucking hot dogs and gamble there but besides that it's been it's been great it's been a great summer i pulled off the surgery i got the doctor on tuesday going there got my blood pressure checked check my bull sack you know me dog if we're gonna run this game right we gotta take care of each other i think i'm gonna get some blood drawn because i've been feeling kind of i get different fucking feelings lately my back my back's been hurting a little lately then it goes away for three days how's the nose feeling who has the nose feeling the nose was a really good thing i did i'm talking a friend called me last week and he said he heard through the grapevine that i had done it

and he has big money you know he could afford like great doctors and he said his doctor told him him they would do the same thing they did to me basically believe uh stitches that dissolve so he wouldn't have to take him out because that's what he's dreading and he goes tell me the truth how it was and i go listen the first three hours it's a little rough here in shock from the anesthesia but after that you go home you relax you're breathing a little bit and by wednesday you're you're good i mean you're not fucking going to the pool and doing johnny snorkel under the goddamn water but you're starting to breathe and you do what they tell you spray that stuff in your nose and you know what i do it every morning i spray that saline solution and every morning i wake up

and there's something in there both nostrils i clean it out i'm not addicted to aphid anymore is am i doing 19 rounds of jiu-jitsu no i can't lie to you and tell you that is it do you see an improvement though yes i've seen a huge improvement and then how long did it take to get off of aphrin right after the surgery never used it again when i walked off that surgery july 11th i never used aphrin again and your nose is in the closing up no they fixed all that nice and i want to thank jimmy norton jim norton really straight me out in vegas it was jim norton who said go see your doctor and get it over because once you get to the menthol aphrin that's it that's it you got a limited time

before you wake up one morning and you're not breathing because there's nothing stronger than the menthol it's so strong you got to go on fucking amazon together they don't even have that cbs it should some of them have it i used to hunt around the country and they'd be like the one on lancasham has it there's one on the creepy side of hollywood has it and one place had it where would i just go that they had it at one of those it's certain cbs's so my wife would just get in a three block for me and how long would that last three things aphrin yeah four or five days towards the end it was like every time i got a little bit of anxiety i sprayed it i'm very happy i went down and thank you guys for fucking once i said it on the fucking podcast

i knew i couldn't turn back yeah that's like i always tell you mother fuckers i always say shit i don't want to do on the podcast because i don't want you cocksuckers tweet me and go joey what happened with this it's the worst feeling in the goddamn world and it's like listen you scheduled the surgery and you didn't show up there because of your fears i couldn't do it the whole way on the drive that's all i kept thinking about you drove me that morning no i was cancelling in a way but going what the fuck what if i cancel what am i gonna say the podcast tonight what am i gonna say the podcast i didn't go fucking down there what does that look like for me what do we talk about the podcast so the time health and taking care of yourself and no fear so that's

what fucking saved me don't that's what really fucking saved me that's awesome yeah man that's the way it's supposed to be also i want to thank my main motherfucker the geese tremendous the bags are tremendous the rash guards are tremendous all the quality is fucking world-class hemp i mean it's all made in the usa uh that's so sour i have been so impressed with them the last couple weeks that the sponsor vbi they're involved in everything you see them in jujitsu magazine their products are fucking solid the bags are solid the the uh what do you call the fanny pack the solid the rash guard the rash guards are solid they they they just have so many goddamn things are there things go bad you can just fucking smoke and pray for the best you know i'm saying

but listen i'll tell you what i'm gonna do just go to dsgear right dsgear.com dsgear.com just go over there and take a fucking peek just take a fucking peek and see what you're in jujitsu anyway i'm hooking you up tonight with me on these now i'm gonna make you go to that's a sour take a look at the bag they got the all utility bag made from hemp with a thousand places to hide shit if paulo eskibar had that bar that bag can still be alive he can have guns machine guns explosives water a canteen a mirror a shaver you can have a thousand fucking things in that bag and that's just half the goddamn bag but don't believe me go to dsgear.com right now if there's something you like i'll tell you what i'm gonna do i'm gonna knock the fin off five percent right now pression joey boom get five

percent off your order all right again i want to thank club w i want to thank chris oris dot susara the sponsor vbi and i'd also like to thank me on these me on these you bad motherfuckers and i also want to thank lisa for being the gentleman and shit helping me with the move this week of wrangling the cats with my wife we had a good fucking time oh they were going crazy i'm supposed to do a show tomorrow an animal shop planet with uh what's his name i still haven't heard from these motherfuckers so it's one of those nights guys so i'll tell you what we'll be back sunday night have a great fucking weekend stay black don't forget no expectations to a ten dollars tomorrow night flappers they got good wings friday and saturday the melrose improv

eight p.m show you're out of there 10 you'll be giving mama a stab by a quarter to 11 i get your home by 11 30 bam you're at the farm this morning saturday morning saying fuck i had a good time with joey last night all right don't forget about me austin texas next week bitches stay black this show was brought to you by me on these go to me on these dot com slash joey right now and check out their men's and women's underwear they have t-shirts socks and much much more when you go to me on these dot com slash joey you're going to get 20 off of your first order off of uh single pairs or they also have eight dollars off of the me on these sub subscription plan either way you're getting 20 off of your first order and shipping is always free in the

us and canada that's me on these dot com slash joey this show was also brought to you by club w club w is the most convenient wine club that delivers wine directly to your door right now they're offering our listeners a 20 off of your first order when you go to club w dot com slash joey that's right club w dot com slash joey and even better we know you hate paying for shipping so club w will actually pay for your shipping on orders of four bottles or more that's right so when you buy four or more bottles they're going to pay for your shipping so go to club w dot com slash joey club w dot com slash joey the show is also brought to you by dot to start go to ds gear dot com and check out the extremely high quality functional gear that's

made with hemp textiles they have bags geese rash guards and much much more go to ds gear dot com slash joey right now to get five percent off of your order so General's gathered in their masses, just like witches at black masses, evil minds that plot destruction, sorcerer of death's construction, in the fields of bodies burning, as the war machine keeps turning, death and hatred to mankind, poisoning their brainwashed minds, politicians hide themselves away, they only start in the war, why should they go out to fight, they leave their own to the war, yeah time will tell and their power finds, making war just for fun, treating people just like mortgages, wait till the judgment comes, yeah

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh as she's where the body's burning no more war pigs of the power and has got us struck the hour day of judgment God is calling underneath the war pigs crawling begging mercies for the sins Satan laughing spreads his wings, oh, Lord, yeah oh oh oh oh oh