Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #412 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: September 12, 2016

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk about the relationship Joey had with his childhood doctor, CM Punk, and sticking to your rules. This podcast is brought to you by:   Helix Sleep: Go to helixsleep.com/JOEY to get $50 off of your order off a custom mattress.  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.  Recorded live on 09/11/2016.    

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The church of what's happened now. Sunday, September 11th. Respect. You don't want to know. Are you fucking kidding me? They'll never let you know. When you ask the reasons why. Here we go. Here we go, copsuckers. That's too deep. Turn that thing off. Cut that fucking thing. That's too deep. I just saw myself playing basketball in 1977 and shit with skinny legs. What's going on, Lisa? I never had skinny legs. I was fucked up. What's going on? Don't worry about your fucking legs. What's going on? I had a good week I went to with you to the show. I love going to comedy shows, man. I was thinking about it today.

I've been going to comedy shows. I was one of the nerds. My mom, you're going to Gotham in a couple of weeks. My mom, when I was 16, 17, took my brother and I went to Gotham. There's something, even before I knew anything about comedy or anything about going to it. To me, it blows anything out of the water. Sports, you can't really see. If it's a good movie, that's a maybe on par, but a good comedy show. I fucking love going. Do you anticipate the laughter or for the guy to fucking die a slow death? I've never wanted to go to die a slow death. I always go. Anticipation laughter.

Yeah. It got to a point like John Panette a few years ago. He passed away a couple of years ago. My whole family and my family's best friend family, all the parents and stuff got along. We watched it. We went on New Year's Eve. I must have been 15, 16. We went and saw John Panette as a family for New Year's Eve. I was more of a music guy at that age. I liked live entertainment, but I liked music. I liked music at a big scale, but then again, I liked music at a small scale. Bands would rehearse at my mom's bar when I was a kid in the daytime. Spanish bands, whatever. There was one particular band that always rehearsed at my mom's bar in the daytime in the back from like 11 to 12 in the summertime. Like six Puerto Rican kids in the neighborhood.

And I still remember one of their songs, but I liked how they could just blend together. Like I'd always fucked with my head. Like how do these guys blend together? Like as a band. That bong kills me. That bong fucking kills me. I just want people to know you had the 22 bong hits when I come to the U.S. That's why I don't have it at the house. And I don't have a hard time breathing. Do you really after the bong? Huh?

After you smoke from a bong? Yeah, for some reason. I get shit cooking. I don't smoke from a bong that much. Only two days a week. It's a... It's different. I told you. When you smoke from a bong a lot, you fucking... I think my favorite's a joint. You haven't really been doing... I was thinking about that the other day. You haven't really been smoking joints recently. I'll tell you what. I smoke a joint at night. Oh, okay.

I brought a big fucking monster to put me down. And like I said, I've been talking about it. The time's come for me to take a breather. I'm just killing myself to live at this point. The language. But you've been talking about something before we started the fucking show about Rifa. That now you only work on Rifa. What are you talking about? It's weird. Like when we first started, it always make fun of me. Like there's a... I always used to like pass out. And sometimes I still do.

But it's gotten to the point now where for the past... What is it? Almost three years that I've been doing this whole time? I only work. Like people sometimes... Like I read an article once. Like, ooh, employers now are letting more people smoke a joint at lunch or something. Because they say it helps productivity or whatever. Sometimes like, ooh, I remember getting drunk at like a Christmas party. And now every time I work, 99% of the time, I'm like blasted beyond anyone else's like,

conception of how like, how they can get a marijuana. Yeah, we started talking about this last week. Yeah. You just become adapt to the fucking situation after a while. Like you have to force it that if you're not high, you feel fucked up. Like when I was shooting the longest shot, I was telling her to check and she goes, wait till you stop smoking. And that's when everything comes into perspective, you know?

What do you mean? Like when you stop smoking, that's when you... Like when I got locked up, that little time there, I didn't smoke. Up to that time, I smoked to the minute before I got sentenced. It's always been involved in my life, marijuana. Not for medical reasons because I was a fucking nut. But I went on a tail. You know, like I've always said, everybody raves about Colorado now.

I lived in Colorado then and the weed was still tremendous compared to anywhere else I was getting. I wasn't traveling as much, but when I did travel, I had the different spots I went to. So I smoked out of a bong then. In Colorado, 90% of the people smoke out of a bong. They put snow in the bong, ice cubes in the bong, or you know. So club soda with ice cubes, it's fucking crazy. So that's where I got the lung thing from.

All those years, living in a high altitude, smoking a fucking bong. I have terrible lungs. I don't know what it is. Oh, no. Give me a fucking month. Your lungs will be fucking so stretched out you won't know what hit you. Let me tell you what happened yesterday. Guys, first off, right now, EBI is on. And I want to thank Eddie Brown.

It's on FightPass. If you're a member of FightPass, I'm going to watch it tonight. When I get home, I feel fucking very saddened that I'm not there. I told Eddie if we got out of here early, we would shoot over there. And that's it. It's not that I don't love Eddie or I'm trying to bang heads with Eddie or nothing like that. I'm leaving Thursday. I have a lot of things to do tomorrow.

Lee has a couple things to do tomorrow. I'm busy as shit. And I just have to do the podcast tonight. I'd rather do it tonight so people have it early Monday morning. So bing, bang, boom. Your fucking day starts with some conversation here. It's really weird lately. I found myself in a predicament that I haven't had since I was a criminal.

I'm busy. I'm busy. I cannot believe what is on my plate. I really can't believe it. And when you look at it from the outside eye, you're like, okay, you have those three things on your plate. No, it takes 35 minutes to get warmed up in front of the computer to write these things. And as you're writing, you're getting new ideas and you're writing those down

and you're writing and you're writing and you're writing. So it's frustrating because guess what, Lisa? I'm not a writer. I'm learning as I go. And so there's a little bigger learning curve. So like, what are you used to? Do you want to break down on the three things that you're writing? I'm trying to write this book, which is great to write but painful at the same time.

It's like bittersweet. Every time I've spit a line in there, I love it, but it's like bittersweet because I'm scratching a scab. And right now I'm in a real scabby fucking area. Let's just say the special, you know, I listened to my set Friday night and it was good. It wasn't what I wanted. Not by any means, but it's a style that I like and I admire. If you do it a lot, you'll bomb 90% of the fucking time.

I just got lucky that night. The right words came out of my mouth. Saturday set was a little sloppy and I came home a little frustrated last night. So last night, like I wrote some stuff out and I couldn't believe that at one point it was 10.30 and the next minute was 1.30. Damn. You know? And I put the fucking 1.30.

I was like, what? You know, just from scratching and listening to this set from Tuesday night at the fucking dark horse. And you know, those sets, you talk for a half hour, you get one line. But to me, that one line goes on the page that I could refer back to and go, Jesus, that made me giggle. You know what I'm saying? Like whatever. But for the first time in a long time, I'm telling you this, I'm a good organizer. That's one of my strong peeps.

I could look at my day and go, okay, this is how I have to chop it up. You know what? This puzzle, don't fuck infinity. And it's just going to fuck up my day. Let me move this to Wednesday. I'm one of those guys. I'm giving you enough window and all about the 405. I know about the 101 naught, the 230 or 1130.

I'm busy right now. Right. It's the weirdest fucking thing. I got myself into a little bit of a fucking pickle. And it's the days coming. And I know this and you have to keep a podcast going. You have to. There's so many things.

I'm one of those people that is raised to sit there. And while everybody else is giggling, you know, I wasn't raised to take a vacation. You know, I questioned vacations and a lot of people would agree or disagree with me. I'm the type of guy that I'm sitting and I make a deal with myself and that's great with the TV. Like today I watched the Giants and the Cowboys. I called you while I was watching. I wanted to see what you were watching.

I was going out in New England. I didn't know New England was playing tonight. You know, I like football, but I don't know all the movable players. You know what the best game in this country is? College football. Really? Yeah. If you really get to know college football, the top 10, you really watch the purity of

a game. You really learn all the purity. Oh, right. Okay. There's only one thing with college football that the players move every two or three years. So every two or three years you have to be involved. That is fucked up.

Yeah. When you get drafted by the NFL, you play with the fucking Houston Texans for 10 years of your career. I get to know who you are. Do you understand me? I get to know the team, the positions. Excuse me. But he had the older, the more, I used to watch sports and I haven't turned on sports in

years. So you, you, uh, you know, I, I revolved around sports and something happened like in 1987. I remember it was the World Series and I'm like, this is the first time I'm not involved in the World Series. And I think it was the twins were playing the World Series and I had to be like 24, 25 years old. That was the first time I got divergenized from sports, that first fucking World Series. But to get back to this, it's, it's very weird when you have a gun to your head.

You know, I have to maintain my relationship at home. You know, I have to be there in the morning with her. I have to be there when she comes home. I need the dinners with her. That's always been important to me, but my work is also important to me. You know, like what I do is important to me. Let's be honest, my social life sucks dick because the anti-social shit has come up by tremendous fucking means, you know, just come up just, I don't know what it is.

Is it anti-social? I just think you don't really like going, if I go to a bar, if I go to a fucking game right now and this point in my life, more than ever do I think to myself, what the fuck I should be doing something. Like today I was watching a football game, I watched it for 30 minutes and I fucking got up and went and I wrote fucking an hour, listened to the tapes, I wrote, I made adjustments, I scratched this, that shit that I have to do. You know, this morning I got up, got up late today, got up like at 8.30, which is late

for me. I got up, my wife, boom, boom, we talked, we hung out, I drank coffee with them, I made a protein shake for breakfast, they left, I had 30 minutes a piece, I sent a few emails, I made a few calls long distance and bam, I fucking put my little fucking jiu-jitsu suit on and went over there and lifted, I stretched, you know, I put some blood in my back, I said fuck it, I'll go in there and do this and this and this and this and I did it and I got up and fucked because I want to be ready for tomorrow. I want to be able to go tomorrow because with me it's just numbers, I'm not going to be

Johnny fucking tough, I'm going there just for the numbers because I know the more reps I do, the better I'll get, the more stamina and the better, you know, the breathing and stuff. You were talking about organizing. My issue with when I get busy and you've talked with me about it is focus, I focus way too far ahead. I focus on what, like a design for a name or I focus on the name of a company rather than focusing on working on, like I always daydream or fantasize about like how fun it's going

to be, how successful it's going to be and then like I kind of just skip the actual work part of it. The God's part of it, which 55% of the people I've met out here, you know, one in particular and I saw it back then, I saw it in 98, in 98 and my fucking job jumping here, I would work telemarketing jobs just to fucking keep busy. So I wasn't thinking about comedy off fucking day and I had a steady check coming in beside the goddamn $15 set at the comedy store and the 50 bucks I would get from Willie or Jeff Garcia or Philippe or whatever to do their little rooms and shit.

I would work different telemarketing people and telemarketing people when an account dries up, they go to different firms. So I was selling cigars, but the company I worked for decided they were just going to open up a cigar store and do the calls from there and they were going to change it all around. There was not going to be an early morning shift anymore. So I said, I got to find something else to sell. So I went and sold venture capital.

What is that when you just invest money? Yeah. Let me see venture capital. Venture capital people because these people had these idea of a TV show. Okay. But the TV show was going to get written by this fucking writer who had written on this other TV show that was successful in Disney for 12 seasons, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. These are the characters and this is what the show is about.

Not only are we doing that, and this is when I saw it from an outsider's point of view. They were also selling the merchandise rights to the show. So they were going to have a guitar, a drums, posters, lights. Right there, I knew it was a disaster because you're not focusing. They had one page about the storyline and 82 pages about the marketing that we're going to do for the fucking. Right there, I learned that. I learned it right there.

Like I had nobody taught it to me. I saw it. I saw how people, how far ahead of the game people get. Yeah. It's easy to do. It's fun. And no, it's not fun. It's not fun when it comes to it.

Right now I'm visualizing my special. That's one thing, but I'm not visualizing a Madison Square Garden with fucking JZ jumping up and down. No, but it'd be like if you were visualizing the special, but not going out this month. Right. Something like that. Like that's what I get fucked up with. Yeah.

No, no, no. Want to sell those type of things. Sometimes people get ahead of themselves. Well, think of that movie rights and right there, I know, because you look worried about money right there. When you tell me that you're going to get this and get the movie rights and think of all the hats we could sell at the premiere at 2250 hat right there. I know you have nothing and the people around you are cheerleading that.

So instead of worrying about like I told you years ago, a guy approached me about a fucking cop in New York that loved martial arts. So he wore a karate uniform everywhere, kung fu suit everywhere. The fucking script lead was horrendously bad. Everything about it was bad. But the main thing that pissed me off, I didn't mind going to the pitch was they wanted me to walk in there with the fucking kung fu suit up. They sent the tailor to my house.

I refused to let the fucking guys like I just didn't want to wear the kimono or whatever it's called. Fuck no. Why not? Because I had to walk out of there with the fucking kimono and I knew the pitch was going to be terrifying. I knew they were going to look at me and say, well, thank you. That's a great idea.

Let me think about it and I'll get back to you guys now. With that failure, I got to walk out with that fucking suit on and walk to my car like an asshole and see the valet. That's why last night I fucking go out and again for college football reasons, the same reason why I don't watch that many. I can't follow college football because of all the movable fucking parts. Sometimes the UFC gets confusing. Oh yeah.

You know, five years ago the UFC wasn't confusing. But now to me it's very confusing with the UFC fight pass and this fight is on here and this fight is on there. So I wait to see what's coming on. Do I know all the fighters on the card anymore, Lee? Not really. Not really. You know, I don't see Brendon Vera.

I don't see all those. You know, those are the guys, Phil Davis, that I started watching the UFC where they're all gone. Now there's North Sage Cut. There's all these fucking kids. Jimmy Rivera. I knew Jimmy Rivera had a great shot against. Oh yeah.

You had a great shot. I had read about him a few weeks ago, but I don't believe it or not. Believe it or not, Lee, I know nothing about the CM Punket and not till they did the documentary about him that I even know what CM Punket looked like. I think he's very, at least for me, I wasn't a wrestling fan at all. They kept him very under wraps until they started like, I didn't even get to see it. They had like a six or seven part documentary series on him before the fight. And but as, at least for me, as the fight was leading up, the only thing I heard was

negative. Like the only thing I heard was like, oh, I didn't know anything about him. I didn't watch any of the documentaries. Every time it was on, there was some type of comment onto it. He couldn't punch. He couldn't do this. He couldn't do that. Okay.

So I don't even look him up. I don't know. Guys, I have so much on my fucking plate that sometimes I'm interested about something, but I don't even open the door because I know I'm going to read. I'm going to have to get. It's like when you're reading a good book, you get a treat by it and you won't put it down and you have other things to fucking do. So that's why the computer is deadly.

Oh, it is. The computer is deadly. When you try to do something, I just shut it down. Just close the fucking thing because you won't get nowhere because every eight minutes, your eyes steer over that. So I get home last night. Again, I'm, I'm bombing and I want to listen to the tape. I want to listen to the one from Friday and I'm listening to all this shit last night.

At the same time, you get bored after 12 minutes. You put your phones on and you click. And I think I click on the Yahoo page and the torture in CW punk, CM punk, CM punk, whatever his fucking name is. I clicked through another page and it's endless CM punk fucking tearing into it. And, and, and now I, I get intrigued. I go, how bad could it fucking be? I'm not going to get the fight to watch it.

I just wait till some fucking dude post the link. Yeah. And sure enough, 10 seconds after I said that being a link comes up with the fucking fight and he looks horrendously bad. And I look at him, Lee on the floor and I click it out and I walk, leave the room for some reason to smoke a joint or something. I come back. I open up the computer again.

I get my notebook out and there again is more CW whatever his fucking name is punk. And I for one minute there, I go, Jesus Christ, CM CW punk doesn't matter in your life this much. Like there was just so much hatred about this guy. And at the end of the day, the way I looked at it was from what I already gave up wrestling. What do you mean? What did he give up wrestling? Like whatever.

Oh yeah. He was from what I've heard from like Steve Simone and he was like one of the top and the WWE. I think don't quote me on this. There might have been like a contract dispute or something to that sort. And then at that point, like he was, he was going to come back, maybe not come back. And then that was two years ago when he joined the UFC. Okay.

So he went, he started training somewhere at Duke Rufus, which is a hard Academy and you'll learn a lot. It's a lot to get absorbed. And they got the guy UFC fight. Now, in my world, you know what man? He was fucking delusional. You know, he was a little bit on the delusional side. I know just as a fucking comedian that you're going to fight, you have to be doing it for

a while. Oh yeah. And you have to have a couple of fights in the competition level, then a couple of fights. You know, it just takes a couple of things, things that the record's never going to come up. You know what I'm saying? Like it's never going to come up. You went to a competition one time and you, when you go to those competitions, the regular

karate ones, you fight like three times. You know, you fight like three, three minute rounds or something until the winner gets decided. It's not full contact, but just that semi contact Lee teaches you how to move your hands, what to block for those karate kicks are a slick. They fake to your fucking stomach and they pop up to your fucking face. You can't touch the face, but you can touch the body from there. You move on to a few jiu-jitsu tournaments and then from there you do a couple of MMA

things. Right. This would be what I think would be the obvious fucking pattern. This is what I'm just assuming. Yeah. Okay. And after you have, after you go eight, no, and the MMA lower division, you know, fight fights in Tarzan on Saturday night in the back of the church, that type of shit.

You get $52 and your trainer gets $11. I have to eat of those. You send a tape to Joe Avila, whatever his fucking name is, the guy who got fired from the UFC and they decide yesterday or they hear about you in the low, something, you know, so when I didn't see for me in my world, I really didn't know in my world. It could have been that CM punk was a wrestler, but maybe in high school, he boxed maybe in college. He fucking did something was a NCAA champion wrestler.

I didn't know what the fucking particulars were, but then I find out this guy's got no credentials whatsoever. That's what you're trying to tell me. Like no credentials. You want professional wrestling right into this fucking thing. That's what, yes. Okay. And then he goes in the ring and he gets fucking demolished.

Right. Yeah. And to be honest, you asked earlier anything you heard about him. I forgot about maybe three to six months ago, there were articles going around that I read that he had lost like 15 out of 16 fights that they had brought in for him in the gym, like secret fights. So that's when I heard like the negativity first started for that I started hearing because I don't like going boards and obviously I'm not in the world, so I don't know anything,

but that like, I heard he lost 15 out of 16 like pre-fights because I was wondering why they didn't do that with him. And they probably just can't because he's so famous and popular people would go for his knees or maybe they don't want people to see him losing or who knows. You know, you know, man, up so at the end, CM Punk raised his hand and they agreed to let him fight. Now, in my world where I'm coming from, I think it's a business move. Correct?

Yeah. Probably. It's a business move because there's no way at least I at least wakes up tomorrow morning at eight o'clock in the morning and he calls me and he goes, Hey, cocksucker, this week I'm calling you, but I got bad news. I'm quitting. I'm going over to Searson kickboxing at 10 o'clock. I'm going to start kickboxing and then at two o'clock, I'm going to see Justin Fortune

and I'm going to be coming in May, May 5 and I'm going to the six days you get to class on Alberto Crane and I'll be sitting there going, Wait, what the fuck are you talking about? And all of a sudden a year from now, you call me up and you go, Hey, what are you doing for a night? Can you come and corner me? You know, yeah, I want a box to steal it up and fucking Tarzana, you know, that that's the evolution lead.

But if you come to me tomorrow and go in two years, I'm going to have my first fight. I don't know where they're going to give it to you, but let's pretend you call Rogan. Rogan goes, Yeah, I'll talk to Dana and we'll put you in the fucking UFC. It's not that simple. It was because you showed up on an envelope and the UFC knew and they took a chance. Well, to me, it seems not only I'm not even aside from CM Punk. It seems like the UFC and the WWE must be doing some sort of deal because they're using CM Punk, which the WWE must own some part of the name.

You can't call yourself your wrestling name in the UFC, which is kind of weird. But it's it's a lot of people saying it's unfair. And I guess it is. But at some point you have to understand, like you said, the UFC is a business. So there's no this isn't like a state run. You have like a fight league. This is a business who can do whatever they want. And but like the one thing I got from from him and I just I just feel terrible.

He just seems so lonely, like whenever when I was watching that, like the un un embedded or wherever he was just in his house, like he's getting all this hate online. And I personally, I felt like his speech at the end was a little bit corny. It just seemed a little bit out of place at the UFC, but it had a nice message. And I just felt like I feel like he's a nice guy and he's just getting just shit on like constantly. You know, I sat there last night, here I am along the stone side and I'm sitting and I'm thinking to myself, well, you know what, man, at the end of the day, would your days

have done it? Fuck you. Yeah. Fuck you. I was in an anxiety attack walking to that octagon that my head would have blown up. Even if I would have trained for two years, even if I lost 15 out of six or whatever the fuck it was, I wouldn't have the anxiety that I would die. I would die.

I could have dealt with the 15 and the fucking octagon. I would have lost the first three and then at least the next three fights, I could throw a punch. I would have got a fucking sweep. I would have got a hip escape, you know, back to my guard. I could do those simple fucking things, but I was on it and then maybe the ninth fight, I knocked him down and I got on top of him in the time right now, you know, so I did a little fucking well, you know, I don't, I wouldn't have been ready for the UFC.

I would have fucking had a nervous breakdown. So in my mind, all I wanted to say on Twitter was I didn't know who he was, you know, he looked like a fucking dork to me every time I saw him. I mean, it's not like he came in looking like Brock Lesnar on Yolk and shit. No, you know, you could see the steroids wore off, you know, you could see that it doesn't take a fucking genius and he went in there and he got beat up like that. People like you look like an asshole in front of 11 million people. I got to tell you something to me, he looked like a guy with balls.

I wouldn't have done that. Hell no, I wouldn't have done it either, but I don't like how people say he was delusional He raised his hand. Maybe he was delusional, but somebody who should have said sit on the, let me talk to you about something. Listen, things are bad. Those guys hit really fucking hard. You were in professional wrestling.

They don't do dick in there like what they do in the UFC. They body slam you those punches to the fucking head. You'll hear rings later on. You'll think that somebody grabbed you by the head and they tapped. That's how fucking hard those punches are to your fucking head. I think, but nobody did that. They said, you want to fight. It's a good idea.

We'll get your fight trained for three years and let them know when you're ready. It's not the guys fault, man. It's like a fight tomorrow. Call a master's great garden and go, you know what, I'm ready to fucking sell master's great garden. They go, hold on, Joey, let's look at the computer. They'll come back and go, are you fucking crazy? But if I get some weird lady and she's like, we can make money somewhere, there's some

way we can make money with this. Oh, we can build this up to be an event or something like that. It just didn't get built up or anything like that. So it backfired the whole way through. I feel bad for the guy. I would feel really bad if they didn't give him another fight. I hope they just give him an easy, like something not easy, but just like give him something.

So what weight classes do you fight in that? Let me check. I think it's 170. But I like just permanent another promotion or something for a little bit. That's right. How old is he? See, I'm punk. He's old, old, not really.

But he's like mid 30s. Paul, let me check. It just to me, I see sometimes I think it's balls and I applaud the guy, whether I like his beliefs and I don't even know anything about him. I'm just saying, right? That's what I thought of last night when I was stoned to the fucking gills that this guy had balls. That's it.

As somebody took it else as a business friend. So this guy had fucking balls. Boom. That's it. People got pissed off at me and Twitter. I woke up this morning with 2000 angry fucking tweets. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Ba, ba, ba, ba.

Matt Mitreone got involved, John Fit. I'm like, guys, all I said was that fucking at the end of the day, I got to give the guy some credit. I don't care if he got embarrassed in front of 11 million people. Sometimes you're getting back. Got to get him back. He didn't just get destroyed. It wasn't like he got knocked out in three seconds.

He defended a little bit and he's 37 and he's a middleweight. Yeah, that's tough age. Well, God bless him, man. The internet has just become a weird thing. I have a lot of good times on the internet, but I see a lot of dumb shit on the internet. And I got to be honest with you. I see 70% dumb shit and 30% of shit that matters. Not even 30% for me, I think.

Or at least 30 that like on social media. Is that what you mean? Well, you know, like I told you, I said to Lee Lincoln, then don't stop. They don't stop. They're not going to stop. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've never signed a contract. Nothing to be with Lincoln.

They keep some of my email in. Listen, I have, I love my Twitter. I really do. I have fun on my Twitter. I can't be on it all day. No, I love my Facebook because I have two sets of completely different friends on my Facebook, you know, I don't take pictures. So I don't like to fuck on Instagram that much, taking pictures of me and lunch

and shit like that. I don't know what else is out there. You know, people keep hitting me up with Snapchat. I'm good with Periscope for right now. It's all videos. You don't need to stop. Yeah. I don't know anything about this stuff.

So the more you let enter your life, the more it takes away from your life. So the more internet things you're playing on, you know, I'm, I go to my fitness pal, which takes a couple of minutes. They're fucked up. And I go to jujitsujournal.com. I write what I learned, how I did. If I rolled or not, how many times I got the shit knocked out of me. I read all that stuff in there.

But besides that, I don't go anything for entertainment. If something happens and I see it on the news or something, or they talk about it in the news, or as I'm walking by, I will go on Yahoo News locally or nationwide and read what the fuck's going on. But besides that, I don't let myself get caught up in anything. I don't like, I don't know what an app is. I don't know how to work a fucking app. None of that shit.

It's a, it's a, it's a huge time suck. And I think that's where a lot of people in my age are getting stuck in the, like the daydreaming part, because they go on Facebook and they put up a post. Like I, there's a thing now on Facebook, like on this day. And I hate it because I was a douchebag, like not even I wasn't mean, but I'm just looking at my statuses and I'm like, God, no wonder I didn't have any friends. Like they're just terrible. And it's just like, you're like, oh, I'm not letting anything get to me anymore.

And all that baloney that's on there is I just think it's, I think, and it's, you know, what's crazy. I'm, I started looking into some Facebook ads for some people. They can literally, they can send ads to you if you're in a relationship, if you're in a, if you've just gotten a new job, if you just moved, if you, if you just broke up, they can send ads to you based on everything, everything that you're putting on there, they can send ads to you on now. So, so the computer knows what type of stuff you're putting on your page.

Facebook knows, yeah. Facebook knows, and they attack that. They, they have the ability to, yes. So that means everyone has, yes. So that's, that's why people who have been in relationships for a while, probably getting like, like I get a engagement ring ads now. I've been in a relationship with Paula for over three years. So I know it.

And I, I stupidly, ooh, I want to get the likes on the, on in a, in a relationship. So now they know, I'm sure you'll get, do you get, you might want to look next time your anniversary with, with your wife comes up, see if you get like anniversary reminders. I don't think I put it on there. Oh, that's not on there. Okay. I gave him as limited information as I could to get the fuck on there.

Yeah, that's fine. I went to a house. You just said something to me before you thought I smoked in the house. I didn't know you smoke. I didn't think I, I, I can smell a little bit when I go in there. And then I just know you have access to the outside pretty close to your, where do you smell the office? When I walk in, I can just smell that it's, I don't think anyone smoked in there,

but I think I can just smell it. It's there. Oh, no, no, no, it's a fire place. Oh, okay. So it smells like smoke. Oh, okay. Then, then it scares the shit out of you. I think something's burning.

Lee, I gotta tell you something. I don't wanna talk to some people about this. I used to smoke in the house until my wife got pregnant. And I'm old school, Lee. I don't give a fuck whether I got a license or not. I smoke reefer if I got it. If I'm at your house watching a movie, I'm lighting up a fucking joint.

That's it. I'm not going out to the balcony. You know, there was no being cautious when I was growing up, there just wasn't. So it didn't stick with me. As I got older, I realized, yeah, I gotta smoke in the balcony. When I go to a hotel, I don't spark in the fucking room.

That's like inviting the hell on the road. Because it's right in your room. And you get charged or thrown out? Well, they charge the room 250. And if somebody complains that security knocks at your fucking door, like in the nice hotels. And you don't need that in your fucking life. What if they throw you out?

What if they decide to call a fucking cop? I'm sitting there with three more fucking joints or a lollipop or something. That's controlled over whatever. Yeah. So you know what? I take the joint, I bring my iPod, and I go for a walk around the fucking city.

And I smoke a fucking joint right on the open. I go to like a little park where they have a memorial for some fucking old man soldier from 19, fucking 10, like on a horse or something with a hat. And I make believe I'm reading it. And I just take a little fucking. You know where there's gonna be a cop or something? No, I'll look around.

If there's a cop, there's a car, right? Not necessarily. Yeah, but how many fucking cops do you see on a beat anymore? Unless you're watching a movie from New York. You don't see cops on a beat, not in LA, not up here. I would be nervous of like a cop off duty. When I was at Larry, me and Larry walked to Las Vegas Boulevard and stat

under the fucking elevator and just smoked right there. Oh, God. And you know, people were pulling us towards the cars, asking us what we were doing and shit. And your answer? Just sitting out here. Really, what are you doing out here? You're smoking?

No, cause I had the joint cop in my fucking head. Well, just cause I'm a fucking, I love to smoke. I have never, since my wife told me she was pregnant, have I ever even considered smoking in that fucking house? I wouldn't just because of the way I was raised. And looking back, I didn't like it. I didn't like it. You know what?

There's always, my mom respected me in other ways, but that was one way that I didn't like it. When I was a kid, I smelled marijuana. I didn't like it. I should have never smelled that shit because once you smell it out, once you smell it in your house, then you smell it out, then your head blows up because people like,

that's marijuana. Have you smelled that before? And you got to lie. No, not really. Meanwhile, you're thinking your mom smokes fucking refund or friend smokes refund. This is why they go out on the balcony and this is why you found rolling papers.

It really wasn't fucking Louis tobacco. So that's how I found that. I put two into the gather and then I knew what that fucking smell was then. Yeah, and my godfather smoked around me. He told me not to say nothing. And I met, it's weird. I'm not mad at my godfather for smoking pot around me,

but I'm mad at my mother for smoking pot in the house. Why? You know, whenever I smoked with Gabby, we smoked in the car and we smoked after Chinese food. I didn't say we smoked. I'm sorry. He smoked. I was a young little boy.

But my mother smoked in the fucking house. And looking back at it, you're disrespecting the fucking house. Just what the whole family thing, you know what I'm saying? I don't know. You know I'm weird about this shit. So that's why I don't want to do it in front of mercy in the house.

I don't want to smell it. I had my pipe hidden in the yard, my lighter, she can't find it, even if she fucking wanted to hide it right in the fucking barbecue thing. Okay. Where you pick it up. Oh, so that's it.

There's the weeds hidden. Everything was fucking hidden at all times. I don't want her to find it. I don't want her to ask me. I don't want her to fucking smell it. There's gonna be a time she's gonna smell it and then we'll break it down. Have you thought about what you're gonna say?

Not really. Not really. Because who the fuck gives a fuck? There'll probably be 10 years from now. She'll smell it like three or four years and ask. Then she'll put it together. She'll read about it. They'll come with her in school with a damn project.

By that time, I'm gonna have to be going for walks and have cologne on my neck and change my shirt and shit like that because their senses are so fucking unbelievable. She'll ask me, why does your shirt smell like smoke? People who don't smoke really fucking smell. Oh yeah, it sticks out. They really fucking smell it.

At this point, it's in my pores. It's in my jeans. It's in my fucking t-shirts. It's in my geese. It's in my bags. When I grab the bags, I can smell the fucking weed. I have an essence of reefer around me. That's one thing I'm smelling in your office.

Yeah, I have an essence of reefer around me. It's in my clothes. I could smell it. Sometimes I go on. You know when I smell it, when I go on the road. And I didn't put weed in the bag, but there's still that smell of it in my fucking clothes. All those clothes have been washed

with detergent, fabric softener, the whole fucking thing, the towel and the fucking dryer. They've just been fumigated with weed smoke for so long? No, it just goes into your pores. I think there's nothing really you can fucking do about it. Once it goes into your pores and you sweat it out, it's not like, I think from us eating it, I think it also has to do with the CBD oil I'm using now.

Okay. It has to do with, now I'm putting it in my system at a lot of different levels, so. Ooh, look at that, how's the CBD oil going? I'm so sorry, I'm very sorry about that. I'm gonna be honest with you people at home. I've been doing the CBD oil since we had the guests in Hawaii and Chris on the show.

And I'm gonna tell you what I've experienced. Do I still have fucking pains? Yes, but I'm also a 300 pound man going to jujitsu and wrestling with young kids. And sometimes I rush up and get the bottom line is this, I used to have this chronic, chronic knee pain. It's pretty much the pain is lowered to the minimum. If I twist my leg a little bit, it's lowered to the minimum.

So what, maybe from a guy that went to a one on a scale of one to 10? I went from an eight to a two. Damn. The pain in my wrist, I still have it, but the flexibility and the mobility is unbelievable. I hurt my wrist for you people. You can't see it.

It's fucking brown right now. Right, Lee? What color do you see it? Like half your right. And it was like only a little bit. It's just a little bit odd, yeah. This was an arm bar that got caught maybe three weeks ago. Oh my God.

And then it hurt my wrist and now. Hey, what do you only do? It doesn't hurt now. I keep putting nice on it. I go to the doctor anyway, Tuesday at eight, three in the morning. So if I could stay alive till then, we're good. I love that your doctor was at the show on Friday

and he was like, dog, am I okay? That's my Cuban doctor. I don't think he's a doctor anymore. I met him about 15 fucking years ago at the company store and we became friends. But he had a quality that I knew he couldn't be a good doctor. What was that?

He always had a different woman with him. That seemed like a good thing. If I'd see him on Friday and Saturday, he had two different women with him. Fuck. And he was doing power that he was jumping up and down, you know, a doctor. I had a doctor at doctors and I saw his decline.

I saw his decline. A man that I loved very much. He wasn't only my doctor, but I loved him very much. Like, Jesus, my fucking pro to it. Thank you. He was my doctor. So I became friends with him and he became my, you know, even when my mom was alive,

he knew things that my mom, he wouldn't tell my mom. You know what I'm saying? You could find it in him. Yeah, I can find it in him and, you know, thank you, Lee. Look at you, Lee's fucking producing tonight, turning off microphones and shit, but I can find it in him. And then I fucked it up because I stepped over the line.

I went over there and tried to get a, I traded him cocaine for steroids. Fuck. You're from the doctor you had as a family, my fucking doctor. After my mom died, I kept in touch with him and I would go over and get prescription from time to time. You know, for my throat and shit, he wouldn't charge me.

He'd call the fucking pharmacy for me. And then at 82, everybody was shooting liquid steroids, the ones that you shoot with a needle into your arm and stuff. And I had a friend one day that was a dear friend of mine. And we were talking one day and he spoke about, he wanted all the steroids if I could get them. And I thought, I banged my head everyone, I couldn't get them on one day, I go, you know what?

I gotta go down there anyway, let me ask him. And one day I went down there and he guy gave me like a half a physical, he wouldn't take blood out. He knew I didn't like needles and shit. And I just asked him, I said, what can you get me? And he goes, what do you want to do? And I told him, he gave me a prescription of Winstrow V. And Winnie V, oral, and I would take him to the pharmacy

and I would sell him to my friend. That's fucked, like, that's not like, I'm not surprised you're so like, so, so bad, like that's fucked up, like you knew him since you were. I can't, and then I got to the point where I was going over there twice a month to pick up a prescription for Winnie V or Anivar. Okay.

And the boat, they're just mild steroids. Okay. And he'd ship them over to a pharmacy and I'd go to the pharmacy is whatever and I'd fucking take them and I'd sell them to my buddy. Just like that. That's a lot to do, man. No, what's there to do?

That's even, it's fucked up, isn't it? See, it's controlled a lot more now. Back then it wasn't as controlled as it was now. They weren't looking for steroids, mild steroids. Anivar and Winnie V are mild steroids. They're usually given to people after surgery, after a burn, stuff like that because it builds up the skin, you know?

I think what it is, is like when you say these kinds of things, I think back to my family doctor. And like, until the time I was 18 or something, probably until the time I even left in for college. Like she had like the little pictures up on the wall and you got stickers as you left and I can't imagine going to them six years later and trying to get a prescription for steroids.

It's like, it's just so far out of my realm. Lee, since my, how far my memory goes back, he was my doctor. Fuck. He was my doctor all the way when I lived on 29th Street. But I don't remember the drama till 205 West 88th Street. The drama with needles? With needles.

That's when he would come over with the long, you know, like the jackets, the rain jackets. And he would have the little bag with him. That's fucking great. He would talk to my mother and the babysitter and then he would walk in the room and take my temperature. And then he'd say,

I gotta give you a needle. And I'd go, no, oh no. And he'd go look at your throat. And he'd work through the steps of me. He was a great guy. That's why I loved him. Because he would get the mirror and show me my throat and get the stick and then take the fucking things

and put them on my own heart. He was a great doctor. He tried everything. He'd do the relax me. And then he fucking, you know, try to con me. He'd go, all right, what do you wanna do? You want it in your arm or in your leg? And I go, no, I don't want it anywhere.

He goes, we just had a talk. You were just gonna let me do it. And I go, no, let me think about it. And he'd go, okay. And he'd go out of the room. And my mom would offer him if he was hungry or if he wanted a beer and he would start fucking drinking. And he would do like three fucking cocktails.

And then he'd come back in and then he'd go, so what do we decide? I don't know, give me 10 more minutes. And then he'd go out then do like a blast of coke with my mom or the baby center or wherever it was in the living room. Then he'd come back on, coked up. And him and my mom would come in like, what the fuck?

You ready? My mom would come and yell, let's do this shit. And I go, no, let me think about it. I'm almost ready. And he would go out and do another blast. Then he'd come in and fucking give me the shot. My ass would be purple because I tightened up. I tightened up in those days.

So my leg would get tight to resist the needle. Needles would fucking go in there and then my whole cheek ass cheek would get purple. It was horrifically horrific. When I used to go to the doctor, my mom would take us for ice cream after. This guy wouldn't give me no lollipop or nothing. He'd just talk to me about life and girls

and cars and movies. He was that type of doctor. He was a hip fucking doctor, man. And I knew he was always kinky. I just didn't know what he did. You know how I found out what he did? When I got off on coke the first time, I thought about it. What do you mean when you get off on coke?

Because I did coke for a year when I was a kid and nothing ever happened. And one day I drank alcohol and the coke hit me. It became something else and then after that, the coke started hitting me every time I drank alcohol. So then what happened when he went off for a year? When you got off what for a year? You said you got off coke for a year

and you thought of them. I thought of Dr. Dovalli. Because I realized the reason why his jaw would move. Whenever he would come into the room, his jaw would move. That's a basic cocaine signal. Like when I have a thousand friends who their fucking jaws go for hours.

Whenever his jaws went and then one day I put it together, I got high and I'm like, oh shit. So all those years, Dovalli was doing fucking coke. So I didn't hit him up until that time. Remember, I got really sick when I was 16. The summer was 79. I got really fucking sick. I got a lung infection.

And I got a lung doctor brought in to specialize and stick the scope down my throat and scrape my lung and see what was on there. Before they scraped my lung, I called Dovalli and told him to come to the hospital. Like listen to something I gotta tell you and you gotta get in that fucking emergency room. Or whatever the fuck it is.

When they scraped my lung, you gotta hide the results from my mom. He's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, listen, I did crystal T8 same. And he goes, what the fuck are you talking about? I go, I did some shit that you snort. And he goes, you know, that's Angelus. That's the first person that ever told me that was Angelus.

I was like a fucking naive kid. At 16 doing Jesus Christ. That summer we were doing a lot of it. Like that's six months prior to it. So it was gonna be all over my lungs. And he goes, listen, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'll look at the report. And if it's on there, I figure out how to get it off.

But I want you to make me a promise. Don't do that shit no more. And I looked at him like, oh, you, I think you do, you know, like we had, and he told me to my, at that time I hadn't done coke. I always knew he was up to something. I just didn't know what, you know? Oh, okay.

But once I got high, like a year later, I put two and two together and I go, that's what this motherfucker was doing. So now I'm gonna break his bone. I never broke his balls about it, to be honest with you. But the first time I asked him for the steroid prescription, he goes, take the prescription,

but the next time you come here, you better bring me a present and better not be asked. Fuck. So I would show up there and go, let me get another prescription here. I brought you some. And just those three or four bumps he'd do, I would never do the coke in front of him.

I had known him that long. So at that time, those people did not know I was doing coke. Okay. I just told them that I had friends who did it. They got really good coke and this was a present for him for helping them out. I told him that the kid he was giving the steroids to

was sending him coke. Oh, so how would you make money? What do you make money? Are they dealing with me? Yeah, I'd go into the city and I'd get an eight ball of coke, right? But like 250 or fucking eighth and then I'd throw a gram on it

and I'd get four and a half grams. So now what did I pay, 250? Right? Right. And how many grams I got? Four. So what's that, divide it into 250? 70.

Yeah, 60 bucks, 62.50. Yeah, yeah. 62.50. So in those days, cocaine cost 100 fucking bucks. Okay. All right, so I would take the fucking cocaine and bring it to him. He'd do it, lose his fucking mind.

He'd give me the prescription. The prescription would cost me $6. I would take it to my friend, he'd give me $200. So it would cost me fucking 75 hours and I'd make a $125 profit. That's not bad. That's a lot of work though. No, it wasn't no work at all.

Well, it's dangerous. It's like a lot of it. What, are you fucking crazy? What do you mean crazy? What danger? What danger is there? Where do you encounter the danger? Buying coke, transporting coke.

Not really, but you just met me two days ago. What, did you become a fucking agent? After you watched Narcos? I know you didn't get the car, felt like a good old Lee. This was when you looked so much the part, you lived so much the part that it was like you felt invisible.

It was like you felt invisible. Timmy Hallow is listening to this right now. And next time I have a conversation, he'll tell me about, I used to go into the city and it was like I didn't matter. Sometimes I had 200 on me. Sometimes I had 700 on me.

Sometimes I had 1200 on me and I looked you as a face as a man. I would never worried one time. Never worried one time. Coming back over that tunnel, I always knew that if you went over the tunnel, don't come back over the tunnel, come back over the bridge.

That's math 101. That's math 101. If you take the bus over the fucking tunnel, you take the train uptown and you take the fucking bus over the Lincoln tunnel now, over the bridge. Vice versa also. You make something out of it

so it don't pinch you as a fucking whatever. You always have an excuse for why you went there. But what if the cops just having a bad day and say, hey, you. No cops having a bad day like that. Really? No cops. You have a daily news on the arm,

you have a you, you have a jean jacket. It looks like you fucking belong there and you're just walking down the street. Inside the jean jacket, there's a flat pocket. If you have a lead jean jacket or Wrangler and you could tuck your fucking 12 or 15, 14 grams all the way down to the bottom and nobody knows nothing.

It would be the biggest thrill of your life. You walking down. Now you gotta make sure that you don't go into nowhere weird. What are you saying, Joey? Don't stop with a fucking porno hub because they got people that you never know. You take your jacket off,

the chicks giving you a lap dance and next thing you know, she's clipping your 12 grams of coke. So you go from point A to point B. A lot of things can happen when you have that blow in your pocket. That's the danger. Exactly, that's what I'm scared of.

No, there's nothing's gonna happen. The worst thing you and I are gonna do with two fat fucks, we're gonna stop at raised pizza and get a slice of pizza and the soda. That's it. If I had that on me, I wouldn't stop anywhere. And maybe we won't stop. Maybe we won't stop.

We'll just shoot right down. We gotta stop and get a hot dog. Why? Because we had to go over there for something. We had to go over there for something. So went online. Can't do that first? No.

Yeah, it depends. If you and I come up the tunnel, yeah, I could stop at the fucking some pizza in 88th street and shoot up, get the fucking two eight balls and shoot over the fucking thing. Yeah, I'm not stopping at the pizza. No, I could look you in the face and tell you that one time was I scared

of bringing that coke over the time. Fuck! All right, now you go home, you cut it, you sell a little bit of it. You get a ride from a friend of yours from 78th street down to 36th in Western New York, down to 36th in what the fuck was his office? It was on that last street between

wealker and the water. And it was right down there, Park Avenue. You went down to Park Avenue in Union City, you went into the office, there was no receptionist. It was just him. He was the host show. He had fucked all the receptionists, he knocked them up. God knows what could happen with Orlando.

You went in, you gave him the pick package. That was it. That was the last of the transaction you did. He called the pharmacy. So now I got back in my buddy's car and he gave me a ride, but at the time I get to the pharmacy, the prescription's ready.

In my head, I'm like, okay, what if the- I got an ID in my pocket with my name on it and I take the prescription with my name on it. That's it, it's all legal. The guy I sent it to, I grew up with the fucking guy. It's pills, I know for a fact he does blow, I know for a fact that he's got two kilos at the house and maybe an ounce or maybe a gram.

Doesn't matter to me. First thing I'm gonna do is I'm gonna take those pills out of that container and put them in a different container and light that fucking container on fire, like if it was a fucking numbers paperwork. Why? Now, the felony is that they catch him with that container with your name on it.

Oh, so just burn the container. Burn the fucking container. I can give him a different fucking container. Where's the damage, Link? There's no damage. Where's Tony Bennett? Put that motherfucker on. I wanna be around

to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Some somebody, twice as smart as I. Or somebody who will swear to be true as we used to do with Lee.

All right, cut that right there, Lee. I want you to find Frank Sinatra. I wanna be around. Okay. I'm gonna teach you a little lesson of shit. Why don't we eat a couple more stars? You know what I'm saying? A couple more.

We're getting the party started, Lee. It's fucking Monday, September 11th, and we're celebrating by doing a special podcast. Right. Out of respect, that's the least we could do. I don't wanna come on here and have a wine fest or whatever. All I wanna do is let them know I acknowledge them. Here you go.

There you go. Who said shit like me? He said, great. All he's needed is whipped cream. This is the best flavor I've ever tasted in my life. You know, wagons are no weed in it. There's like fucking no milligrams in it. Yeah.

But that shortcut from Chiba Choo is very good. It is. I just saw you go like this, like two times. Listen to Frank Sinatra's version. I wanna be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Somebody twice as smart as I am. What am I gonna do with you?

I'm on James Brown's version. It is not mine. James Brown? Uh-oh. Bam, we got two more bags of stars here. It's turned into a good fucking party tonight, see? Me, you and I always get creative. Oh yeah.

And if I look, I know there's a hit of acid somewhere in this fucking office, you understand me? Let's hope not. Well, thanks to you like me and me, I can't suck it, nobody. Right now you'd be at home with Paula somewhere rubbing your feet, watching bad TV. This is James Brown.

This is amazing. Three completely different swaths and not training with other crews. I wanna be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Somebody twice as smart as I am. Somebody who will swear to be true like who used to do with me.

That's fucking amazing. A black dude that's tremendous and two crew members singing the same fucking song with two different twists on it. This is the shit that makes my dick hard because it just goes to show you you could fucking cook spaghetti in 50 different ways, you understand me?

I feel like Paula made me spaghetti carbonara last night. Which one was in it? It's like the one with a little bit of a bacon in it and then like a little bit of just butter and egg and she just- With an egg yolk? Yeah. Or the whole egg?

I don't know, she made it. And then you put Parmesan cheese on that motherfucker. Fuck yeah, I used to eat that all the time. She made it for me. She made it for me. She learned how to make it in Italy. It's fucking great. Italy, look at you.

She brought back recipes from Italy. You were fucking lucky. She couldn't bring you back a fucking salad. It's gotta be pasta with an egg butter, more butter. No, but we didn't see it. She only had one bowl. We didn't get the crazy. She used to spray butter, right?

No, no, no. For God's sake, I knew you'd spray butter when you got worse and worse with this shit. She made it, she wouldn't use spray butter. She thinks the same way. Good, does she take him through on the garbage? Nah, she doesn't go to that level yet. Well, that's, don't ever have me over you.

It's the first time we go to the bathroom. After all that fucking thing out. I wanted to tell you when I was a kid, I started throwing away people's asterisks. Why? Because I hated them. I hated asterisks. So when people weren't looking,

I'd throw their fucking asterisks away. Why are you like asterisks? My friend George, I threw all his asterisks away when he lived with me in Boulder. Oh. And what are you saying? That asking me was crazy. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Why would I take an asterisk? I don't smoke pot. I don't only smoke pot, I smoke on that side. You wouldn't know, I love fucking with people. Sometimes you gotta take the asterisk sometimes. You always ask me about drugs late at night. Like one night Lee called and we had a two hour conversation

about a drug network. Like Lee, it was asking me about my friend who sells coke. And I was telling Lee that I've known these guys in Hollywood, that I've known them since 97. I met them through a white Jewish dude named White Lightning. And White Lightning used to sell weed, used to date a black chick

that used to fuck the same coke dealer. And he didn't know it. He thought they were just friends. He was fucking it. And she had a kid and she was half Jamaican. And he was this Jewish dude that you could just take money from him. At the time, Josh Wolfe and I,

Josh Wolfe had an apartment in his building and he would be very paranoid about hiding his weed in his apartment. So he would hide in the parking garage and we would steal it once a month. Then when he caught on, he started hiding in some girls' apartment. He'd have three, four pounds at a time.

Cause that's what he does. He's a promoter slash weed dealer. So if you want to buy the good weed, you gotta go to the parties and pay 20 to get in and buy his fucking weed. It was a great scam he had going on. What was I talking about? The stealing Josh Wolfe's weed?

So, we were talking about a drug thing. Oh, yeah, the people who you met, the your drug dealer in Hollywood. So I met this kid and I went over there a few times. The coke was good. You know, at this time, I didn't want to go to the store and buy it all the time. You know, when you're a fucking junkie,

you gotta have a different couple of different outlets. Nobody catches on to what you're doing. So I had El Campadre, I had the comedy store. And I met this guy and he goes, he'd get good coke. So he introduced me to this kid and I would go over there. It was walking distance from my house,

which is perfect in Hollywood. And I would walk over there and buy coke from him. It was him and a white dude at the time. And I would go over there and say, hello, when they were playing those games, they were playing those stupid video games at the court and shit and the fucking thing in the living room and they would argue

and then their friends would come over. And I went over there one time and they had stitches. They got robbed and they got beat up and shit. And they told me they didn't have a gun. Like, what type of drug dealers don't have fucking guns? So I went and got them a fucking piece. How nice of you? Yeah, and then we became friends ever since.

And then I started going over there, but you were asking me their existence. How he still is in business. That was the conversation we had this night. Yeah, how he could survive and not go to jail. Like how he could survive as a man, make a living. At this time right now, I talked to him once a month. And I know what type of action he does.

I know how he does it. And I don't know how he moves. He's got kids and he's very careful. Okay. He's all right, careful. Even years ago, very careful, very careful. He controlled everything from A to Z. Do you follow me?

In his whole life or does he- This operation he had. He would pick up at a certain place an hour away from here because he had dealt with these guys for 20 fucking years. And he would get the specific brand, the powder, Mexican dudes, fucking really good Coke. And he would bring it back to some chicks house in the valley and he would chop it up.

I think he would put it in the safe or something. I don't know exactly, but he would take it. He would never take it to his house in Hollywood. He had another apartment in Hollywood or he had somewhere where he made pit stops. And he never really had the same car. He always had a bicycle or, but the beauty about these guys

or that lead him to understand was that his customer base is maybe 12 to 14 people. He doesn't go outside that customer base. He knows if something's up, if somebody comes to him with a weight problem. You know what I mean? No, I don't know what that means. So Lee Syat is a comedian and he makes pretty good money.

And he always cops an eight ball from me when he comes back on Sunday nights. He may cop another one on Tuesday, but if he's in town, he cops on Thursday and Friday and Saturday some nights. Lee's a good customer. What if Lee calls me one night and he goes, hey, can I come over to the house?

I want to buy two ounces of Coke. Right there, there's something going on. This guy never buys two ounces of Coke. Even though he's a good customer. Good customer. All of a sudden he hit the jackpot. No, I don't have it and you hang up the fucking phone. And you disconnect your page,

you lay low for a few days, you clean out your house and you move on with your life for about a month. Just one phone call. That's crazy. That's what a professional does. I never did it. I wasn't a professional,

but that's why he's been doing it for 16 years. You asked me, what does he make a year that night? I told you, he probably makes a quarter of a million dollars, selling nothing bigger than eight balls. He's got such a strong contingent of Hollywood producers, directors, writers, that want very much, what's that word called? They don't want, they want the...

They just want the coolness of it? No, no, no, when I was in high school, there was a teacher I met, Mr. McGrath. And the reason why Mr. McGrath delivered Coke was because it's better than a Spanish guy delivering Coke to your house. Oh, okay. In those days, it wouldn't look good

if a Colombian came over Lee Cyanth's house. So they'd have this guy come over. He's a white guy. To look nice. My friend, he looks nice. You know what I'm saying? He looks like some fucking bumpy. He's always dressed to the nines.

You know, he's always got a cover. He goes to acting class every week. He books commercials from time to time. He's not a big time actor, but he's got that cover. He also has another fucking cover. But I know what he sells every night. He's got to be pushing an ounce now. A night?

A night, in eight chunks, sometimes six chunks. That seems like a lot, doesn't it? Sometimes four chunks. Sometimes you'll sell four quarter ounces to four people. Boom, you got an ounce sold. He always shuts down at one. He used to shut down at 11. If you call him at a minute after 11,

his phone's turned off. Me and him were so tight that I was allowed to go to his house, leave, and then he'd meet me somewhere. Do you know what I'm saying? Why would you have to do that? Because I would never leave with something in my pocket, leave him in there.

So he was that good with me. So remember I showed you last week in Hollywood, we were at the light, and I saw that computer store. Right, yeah. And I go, that's where I used to meet Dante. That was a 24-hour fucking... In a cafe.

A cafe. A computer cafe. So people would go in there all night and get on their computers. He would sit in there all night and be on the computer like a fucking nerd. And then you just go in there. Everybody thought he was a computer nerd.

No, he was in there moving fucking block. See, that seems like how people would be like, well, why is someone coming in here and seeing you every night? Was he there every night or would he change? He would sit there on the weekends. The owners knew him, everybody knew him. Nobody said a word to him.

He'd bring coffee, he'd bring donuts, and he'd sit in the back with earphones on. He'd sit in the back with earphones on the computer. And then you came in, hey, what's going on? He'd shake your hand, the money was in your hand, and he'd put the money on the computer. He used to take the eight ball off the fucking computer. I give him credit.

I give him fucking credit. Hey, listen, he beat the system. He figured out a way to beat the fucking system. But the issue I have with it. He put his kid through college? Uh-huh. He put his kid through fucking college. That's amazing.

Like nothing happened, they were like in a nice, you know, like nobody knows nothing. The thing that doesn't, that the one I still don't think, I don't even understand how it's possible still. I understand what you said. It's like, you have these rules with yourself, like the no texting, whatever it is, and we always talk about how dumb people are sometimes.

I don't trust. I think I would maybe trust you if I was gonna sell Coke to anyone. Like if for whatever reason I was a Coke dealer, I think you would be the only person in my life who I would trust. I don't think I could trust anyone else. I can't find 12 people who I would trust.

What if one night you get Coke'd up and you won Coke and you don't care that I'm closed at 11? Like it's just, no, no, no, no, but I'm not me. You're gonna have a bartender at the Comedy Store. You're gonna have a musician at the whatever. Okay. You're gonna have yourself a waitress at the Roxy. You're gonna have a major D at fucking Cafe Leo.

You're gonna have yourself these people and you're gonna get to know them. And you know, if you avoid the first five or six years, you're good. You're pretty fucking good unless you're stupid. You go out every night, you drink, you have to blow on you. It's in the trunk of your car. You gotta scale in your house.

Then you go into different realms. The problem with that shit where he's succeeded is that he always sticks to his rules. I don't think a lot of people do that. The what? I don't think a lot of people do that anymore. Well, we had this conversation, you and I last week on the phone.

And it's called scheduling. And the same problem I'm having right now in my life is where you have to be him. I've been thinking a lot about him and how tight he runs his game and how he takes vacations. He doesn't have stuff in his house. You know, he has a counter-surveillance stuff.

He has an attorney on call. I mean, he's a one man store. Okay, he doesn't have an assistant. He doesn't have 10 guys around him with weapons and jumping up and down. There is nothing. If he walked in here right now, you think he worked with me in a movie

or you thought he was a fellow comedian or whatever. He doesn't really, he drinks, but in his house. He gets fucked up with his house. He doesn't do powder at all. Does not do any powder at all. Did he ever? Nope. Nope, never did powder whatsoever.

How fucking crazy is that? That's the one that always got me. If that thing was in my living room, I was doing it, Jack. But he doesn't do it. It's these little rules. I don't have his home number. I have his main phone,

but everything else is throwaway phones. He calls you from throwaway phones. He goes through six different numbers a month. But I call him on his main cell phone. On his main cell phone, there's no business to talk to. No, I got to see you. Know what time can you swing by? Know nothing.

How you doing? What's going on? Do you have a spot tonight? Yeah, I may come by. Not really. I'm out of town, blah, blah, blah. I love you. I love you too.

That's it. Cause he's worried about surveillance. Right. So he'll call me. He would call me or see me and go, this is the number I'm going to be on till midnight. At midnight, the pumpkin fucking dies. And at midnight, that pumpkin died, Jack.

When I first met him, he would go through phones once a week. New phone number, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fuck. And he'd make one run or two runs. He'd always have a woman with him. And the only thing I know is no fancy car. That doesn't even own a car. How do you get all the phones?

Cause like in the wire, they had to send them down. You kind of deal with somebody. And I asked them what somebody brings them hot phones or something, 24 hour phones, brother. Bop, bop, bop, bop. Or you go to 7-Eleven, I guess, or Radio Shack. I think it's 7-Eleven, right? You buy the 24 hour phones?

Yeah, you can do that. Damn, those little fuckin' little Alika Bob phones, whatever the dude who blow up the world train, send them whatever his name is. So how would he, would he, I don't think you wrote your number down, did he? No. And if he does, I don't do blows.

It's got nothing to do with me. No, no, no, that's not what I meant. Like if he was changing numbers all the time, how would you get in contact with him? Like how would he remember people's numbers? He had them all in his head. No way. I ain't calling you and saying I'm gonna be here

for three days, you got that money you owe me. You know, he called you and said, can I see you if I meet him? I give him the money I owe him and then I take something else from him. And he disappeared for four more days. I'm in awe of them. When we got into that conversation,

I had just spoken to him like three days. When I go to Hollywood, like when I go to Hollywood Tuesday, I'll call him as I'm leaving the doctor's office because he's running around the corner. Do you guys ever get together anymore? Hang out? No, I pull up in front of his house.

I give him a big hug. He asked me how the baby's doing. I asked him how his kid is doing. He bitches because the kid goes to school out of state and it's killing him. So we complain about that and that's where it end. I tell him how much I love him and I fucking drive off until the night.

Every once in a while, I'll call him and then like if you need ecstasy in Vegas, I can get your ecstasy in Vegas, do you want to? Does he ever propose like, hey man, do you need anything or no? No. When I stopped doing coke, I didn't call him for like two months,

even though he called me. I didn't call him for like two months, maybe three months. Okay. And then one day he came to the store and he goes, what's going on? I think I owed him like 600 bucks. I told him to take a ride with me. And we went over to the fucking ATM

and I gave him the 400 I could take out. I said, give me a few weeks. I'll give you two and he asked me what's going on. He had some new shit. If I needed it, he could swing it by and go, no, I'm done. And we talked and he goes, I'm really happy. He goes, one night you came over and you kind of scared me.

And I remember that I was fucked up. You know, I didn't like leaving the house for me to leave the house. It has to be that I'm going crazy. Why? Because I'd be so paranoid and so fucked up towards the end. Those last couple of years.

My friend died Marilyn Martinez. And before Marilyn died, her husband, a year before I'm Marilyn died or two years, her husband got addicted to fucking oxy-canon, her husband got addicted to fucking oxy-canon, Vicodans, Vicodans. Big time, big time. And Bobby Lee, all those guys were going to San Diego

and shit, but when he couldn't go to San Diego, he was broke. He would call me up. I had a friend in Houston that every time I went down there, he would give me a fucking jar of Vicodans. I didn't eat Vicodans, I had a bad experience of them. So I would bring them back and give them to him. And so what, he would call you every time he didn't have money

and ask for those buckets or whatever? Yeah. Fuck, those are scary. I didn't know what the point of that story was. I'm so fucking hot. That chocolate from fucking Cheebacca was, that's the second time. Last week I was scared to drive home.

I couldn't even stop at 7-Eleven fucking rolling papers that night. I had to go home, thank God I found the rolling paper. My fucking, and my goddamn thing. Oh, I just wanted to mention one thing from what we were talking about earlier with the working high. It's the one I really wanted to talk about was how like, it went from the point of me being scared and me being nervous about it.

And now you're gonna know, you told me to stop because now when I get high, I get 8,000 terrible ideas and I call you up and I start giving you ideas. So it's actually gone to a place where you can actually work. It's actually like a helpful work tool. Like maybe 20,000 of them are terrible, but if one of them's good. Well, the thing about one of the uses is that when you started for, depending on how hard you go at first, it's just you're

getting over your in high. You're getting over your high for a long time. Like, I can't believe I'm fucking high. And that's like the first two or three or maybe four years. Right. And then one day, you know, I always did pop like everybody else, but then one day you realize, wait a second, I could smoke this and interact with people and it becomes a complete

different fucking game. I myself worked three times harder when I smoked marijuana. That's me because I'm used to it. So they had to do something. I said, let me take five minutes, go outside and get my head together. And that's exactly what I did. And I came back and I did 22 things at once.

I put the videos up, I wrote, I emailed a friend. That works for me. You know, I'm happy it works for you. I'm happy that you're finally not scared anymore. You know, you were scared because of what your mom told you, your friends told you, what everybody fucking told you. It's tough fucking living down, man. I was thinking about it today.

There's people who listen to this podcast and myself included. Who are mad at you every day in our lives because we'll be sitting and listening to people talk about this and that. And you can see through the bullshit in it because of all the stuff we talk about. And it ruins, for me, it ruins watching football all day. I used to love watching football all day.

Why can't I love watching football all day? I used to love watching football all day. Why can't I love watching football all day for my life and not know that I'm being a lazy piece of shit? Why can't I just sit there and eat wings and pizza and get to be 400 pounds? I went through the same fucking thing, brother. No, man, listen, you.

I love your pieces and you're learning a very valuable education and you're learning an education that I never fucking learned because people mentioned it to me and I saw people doing it, but I thought there were suckers and I thought they didn't have their act together or anything like that. That was completely wrong because all those people, they are very successful.

They own things and they work themselves into something. They're not millionaires. The Forbes top 20 millionaires. They don't have boats. They don't want that. They just want to comfort their old age. So they would want for nothing when they were older. They had two kids who got educated with three kids.

It's very expensive to put your kids through college. It's getting worse and worse. And the thing I learned the most was work ethic. Okay. A couple of months ago, something happened that was very shocking to me and I could see in your face. It was wearing on you a little bit. Okay.

And now you have to do this. You've been doing it all along, but now it seems like if you want to start this podcast business, you have a lot of dreams and aspirations, you have to do this. Paula was preparing for her GMAC, whatever the fuck it's called, bar and Paula knew the importance of this. She knew the importance of this bar and what it meant to her and she had loans on the line and blah, blah, blah.

And Paula basically for eight weeks became a fucking refuge. And I could see it was wearing on you a couple of weeks. You're like me. We're lonely people. We go home and after an hour, we're like, well, should I jump out the window or, and you were calling me doing periscopes, eating stars. People hit me up going, Joey's eating stars by himself.

But we all learned the lesson, you know, and I never forget when she came back from Italy, I said to you, is she ready? And you looked at you like, I don't really know Paula's ready. I don't know if she knows that the vacation's over. It becomes life. But guess what? She went out the next day and got a fucking job. Yeah.

She got the first job she interviewed for. First job, the first job she applied for. No, not applied interval, like the real first job she interviewed for to get back. She got the first fucking job. So what I'm trying to tell you people is I learned something from that. I learned that maybe Paula failed.

I know she's going to pass because the hours she put into it, normal people can't understand that. The third day when I call Paula and go Paula, I'm making chicken cutlets with reefer, stars, Brad Pitt's here. She's like, I can't do it because I got a study from my bar. He would call me and be like, what are you guys going to do? And I'm like, nothing. I'm not saying she's studying.

It'll be like eight o'clock and I hit the bug studying. Get over here. She knows it. And I got you. You get a different respect for people because they stuck to their fucking guns. Something people don't do. And then they go one day. Oh, I failed.

I don't know why. The biggest lesson I want you to listen from this lead is Timmy, my friend Timmy. God bless him. He's a truck driver. He works five days a week. That's a job he took. It's a great job.

It's a union job. He gets paid well. He gets benefits. That's a job Timmy took. You took a job that you don't really know what this job qualifies. Nope. This job is perfectly, you come into a dance, we smoke, we tape it. I leave, you cut it and put it up.

And you can do whatever the fuck you want after that. Well, guess what? Those results were horrible. You gained some weight. You fell in love and you almost got caught up in the house. You couldn't get out the one day. You said you couldn't get out. You got all that so much Chinese food and so much takeout.

The sodium add you by the sides and shit. And you realize you got to do something else. And you started making calls in the morning. And when you're a freelance motherfucker, there's no days off, but there's no days off. And people don't understand that. And when you have to stick to that program, there's always something to do. What we always talk about. There's always something to do.

Don't tell me there's something to do. You know what? Get up, change the light bulbs. Put that one over there and put that one over there. There's something to do. That definitely thing got dust on it. There's always something to do at a fucking job. I said to you, take the other perspective.

You were always talking about an ad sales person. Right. I said, start making calls. How much success did you have? Tremendous. Zero. No, you did great. Oh, well, before.

Well, no, no. We had the fucking reefer with the pen. They didn't want to lift the rock. You had the fucking reefer people with the license and the fucking app. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. You started getting a couple and now you realize that you come in here on Sundays. Sometime you get some shit done and you come in and you know what?

This is come now. This is a six day a week job for you. Oh, yeah. And guess what? If you open up this fucking podcast business, sorry, Charlie. Sorry, Charlie. This is a seven day a week job. And if there's a leak on Friday night and you're in the movies with Paula jumping

up and down, watching one of those bad movies. Guess what? You got to show up at that fucking leak. Oh, I know. And it's to be quite honest. I'm not I'm not tired, tired, but like it's like we were talking about that. Did I think if Paula was ready? This is a small work.

And it's just it's the hours. The hours are weird. It's it's not that I don't enjoy it and love it and I'm pushing through it. But this it's a grind. It's at certain points. No, well, not just the podcast, but then driving down to meet to do podcasts and in Pasadena or or in Beverly Hills or something like that or or sending emails. And it's like you just said earlier today that you're busy.

You said you've been busy for years. So you're getting busier. Like it just it's just getting I'm at a different point of being busy and I'm I'm I'm still getting used to it. Well, you're learning all the possibilities that we could do with the podcast. Right. Yeah. So right now you're exploring a lot of them where I don't have the time to explore a lot of them.

On the other situation, I'm just and I gotta tell you something. It's it's just as busy as I am with stand up as being a dad. I'm just as busy with the podcast as being a dad. You know, in a way, I don't have time for social life. Our friend Feebles, the Cuban kid, works in Burbank. Good friend of mine gave me a great big band like book. I'm gonna see if I get a big band like the Senate before he punches the fucking ticket. You know what I'm saying?

Because just the book is that great. But he's we were talking about foods the other night. You know, Dante Gazini, same fucking thing. He'll hit me up and send me pictures of Cuban food and torrents that Feebles was talking about. And listen, you're in no danger unless we helicopter it down. That's three fucking hours to torrents. It's an hour of torrents and an hour of fucking back from torrents. It's not going to fucking happen.

Never really. Now why not, Joey? I'll tell you why not. I don't have the goddamn time. I wish I did. And if I go down and the bread is bad, I'm gonna throw the fucking play that you got damn bad. So forget about this whole fucking thing. It's not going to work out for you.

You know, it's it's amazing where the time has gone. When I go home, my friend, George, you know, you don't want to eat a chance. You want to eat at this Chinese place. Yeah, it's an hour away, George. I don't have that fucking convenience. I got to be in New York City at seven fucking o'clock. That means you're going to drop me off on the fucking ferry. So respect your time, man.

If you're a nice schedule, great guys. I'm a fucking great schedule. I schedule shit. You know, I have a friend, Shane. This is where I live. You know, Mitch Hedberg. Mitch Hedberg was a great writer. Right.

And a great performer. You know why? Because Mitch shut his phone off from eight to 12. Every day. Every fucking day. That seems like a good thing to do. I shut my phone off in the morning. When I get back from Mercy, I turn that motherfucker off.

Right after the periscope. That phone gets shut off till one o'clock. The agent knows how to get ahold of me. That's it. Who needs to know? Who else? My wife knows how to get ahold of me. That's it.

Why? I was wasting too much time for years fucking around. Because every time you get involved in something, the phone rings. All the time. All the fucking time. And the phone rings eight times in a row. So nothing even starts is that when I go to shut the phone off,

there's one line on the fucking page. And I'm sitting there going Jesus Christ. What happened to the fucking hour and a half? I'm sitting here at Marie T. You know how many times I went to Marie T? Sometimes I go to Marie T and I do great. Sometimes I go to Marie T and I don't do dick. Those are the times I bring the phone to drink coffee with me.

So I got a fucking idea. I ain't bringing the fucking coffee over there. I ain't fucking bringing the phone out of the condom. I put it in the trunk with some ice on top. But to cool it off in a bag. I swear to God, you didn't know that? No, you put it in there so it doesn't overheat. Yeah, it doesn't overheat because it gets really hot in that fucking parking lot.

Let me do some shutouts and we'll get the fuck out of here, Lisa. I just didn't shit tonight. No, I couldn't believe how pissed off people got at me about the CM punk thing. And all I saw was his balls. I want to apologize to my man Sabatino. Not calling in tonight somewhere along the line. He got stick of shock. I got to be honest with you guys.

This is the fourth time I've tried to get somebody from that area to call in. And they won't call it. And then didn't we have someone who? Carlos Perez. Yeah. I think another friend of mine, I want to say his name. And a girl that that area down there where I grew up with my mother died. Given that terrorist on that 38th Street, Charles Court, all those kids have a certain.

It was weird. I took Lee up there. I'm going to leave, put the camera down and right when we got to Charles Court, some guy said, put that fucking camera down. I was like, Lee, I told you these three blocks here were programmed anti camera, anti fucking camera. But I'm really surprised to come on and let them tape us. Really?

Documentary. It's really surprising to me, especially with that area, especially what he taught us and how he worked. I don't know. I text Sabatino, you text them and nothing happened. So I don't know what happened. So I'm sorry to viewers. This would have been a really good interview.

We spoke twice today. We spoke about what we're going to talk about the state of mind of what I got from down there. Growing up down there. I think a lot of my shit is from down there. It really is. Because there was a lot of old-timers down there. We'd done those side streets and we would always talk to them. And they would express their views and I would laugh my fucking ass off.

There was one guy, Octino. It was the most racist guy in the fucking world right in front of me. So I didn't mind. And they were like homeless? No, he owned one of the houses. He was an Italian guy. And his wife was selling the broccoli and just watched people going up and down the block and then tell people about everybody's gossip.

Jesus Christ. But when he'd see me, he'd go, look at the siats over there, fucking heaps. Look, I'm bringing in fucking bagel and lox. You think they come over here and invite me for bagel and lox? Fuck no, because I'm a Catholic. They don't want me. Look at the other people at the block, the Altman's. Look at them.

I used to love living in the north end in Boston. Because they would bring, I literally had neighbors who would bring their living room Ottomans, big rocking chair things down to the street. And just sit there, shirtless all day talking. Talking. That's it. But they're watching and he would just sit there with his fucking white rife and just watch and complain.

And then as I was walking up the street with the basketball, he would unload on me. Like you're Spanish. You're never going to be a professional basketball player. You got a better chance of being a fucking waiter. You and the rest of those spickaroos in there. And I wouldn't get mad at them. I would giggle and call them a guinea fuck. And that was the end of that spickaroos.

Let me do some shout outs. My condolences to Jason Monteiro and his wife. My heart goes out to your family. Doyle Chandler, Jason Pollock, Lloyd, Charles Sample, Steeley O'Contross, El Parco, Junior Meg and Lysilly Love. I also want to talk about this. I'm trying to get Lee one of these. They sent me because the person said, yeah, we're going to give you two fucking beds.

And they go, no, you got to do one for 30 days. And give us these samples. And so I don't know how this fucking thing works. I recently moved and one of our sponsors, I read great things about their product. And I offered to do like a sample run or whatever. And they sent me a mattress. And I don't know what the fuck happened. It came in a box, Lee.

And I looked at this thing and I'm like, we're getting fucking beat. This is too small. And it's turned out to be one of the mess mattresses I ever had. As soon as I go to my wife's side, I can feel the difference. My wife got the cold bed, which stays cool. You know, a couple of days ago, I went on their website and I watched what you needed to do to get a bed from them. And it really is unbelievable how far we've gone in technology now for a bed.

For 3,000 fucking years, everybody slept on a cover with little skinny pines and vines under it and shit. It's a complete different situation. You know, you're unique. You don't walk like everybody else. You don't talk like everyone. You don't sleep like everyone. So why is your mattress one size fits all?

I just, listen, I didn't know about this for years, but I gotta tell you something. With Helix Sleep, all that stuff goes away because it's a custom mattress. And you thought it was gonna cost you five to 10,000 bucks, right? Not until now. What I'm gonna bring you is Helix Sleep, where you can buy mattresses online, customized for hundreds of dollars instead of thousands. What you do is you go to helixsleep.com and you answer some simple questions based on four key preferences.

Your weight, your height, you know, what side of the bed does your wife sleep? What side of the bed you sleep on? Stuff like that. They'll do a custom sleep profile. They'll build you the most comfortable mattress you'll ever sleep on. Your mattress will arrive at your door in about a week, all right? And shipping is 100% free. For couples, Helix customizes each side of the mattress, one for my wife, one for me.

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It's a great deal. It's a phenomenal mattress. You can customize. Let's say your kid wants to sleep in the middle. They get dick. They get the fucking middle. That's the way it's been for 2,000 years. It's a great bed.

It's comfortable. You know what? It's cheap and affordable. Do me a favor. Go to helixsleep.com slash Joey. Again, helixsleep.com slash Joey and get $50 off your order. That's helixsleep.com slash Joey, helixsleep.com slash Joey. 30% improvement in overall sleep.

And I'm going to give you $50 off your order. Not to mention you got 100 nights to try it out. And if you don't love it, we'll pick it up 100% refund. All right. No questions asked. Again, just go to helixsleep.com and take a peek. You're going to love it. If you like something, go to helixsleep.com.

And get $50 off your first order. How's that one for you? Also, I want to salute my people on it. They have a thing, these mixed greens. I've heard about that. Where is it? Guys, go on there right now and try it. I've been farting good.

I've been going to the bathroom good. My stomach feels better. My skin feels better except for this fucking zit on my nose. Everything's fucking beautiful. And you know what? From the shroom tech sport to the shroom tech immune. I'm out of protein shake again. I got to order more.

I ain't going to blow smoke up your ass. I use this stuff, guys. And it works tremendously. Do me a favor. Go to honor.com right now slash joey. No, no. It's church. Slash church.

And look at their website. Look at the minerals. Look at the vitamins. See if anything works out for you and it suits your lifestyle. Whether you're a hiker, a jujitsu guy, a weight lifter, a kettlebell lifter, whatever the fuck you do. Honor has something deep for you to optimize your workout and your life on a real level.

Do me a favor. Go to honor.com right now. If there's something you like, go to the box when you're checking out and pressing church. I get 10% off and it gets delivered right to your door. Again, I'd like to thank Helix Sleep. And I'd like to thank honor.com for supporting the podcast. I'd like to thank you guys for listening.

Sorry that the fucking pooped out on you motherfuckers. But Wednesday, we got a great guest. And guess what? Thursday, me and Lee Austin, motherfucking Texas at the Cap City Comedy Club. Go there tonight because tickets are going fast. I don't know what it is about this time of the year. Tickets move.

These clubs are small. Number two, the following week, I'm at Gotham in New York City. Again, I hear the first show's already sold out. So that's what I heard from my buddy of mine, call me from New York. He wants a table of eight. So there you go, people.

I'm trying to bail you out. I'll see you motherfuckers Wednesday night. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for the love. I'm giving you motherfucking heart and what I feel. All right, Coxuckers? I want to thank Lee Syat, my number one fucking doing coon, my number one.

I love the duck. Thank you, buddy. I love you. And I can't wait to see everybody in Austin. Everybody always asks. Let's do this shit. Do this shit. This show was brought to you by Helix Sleep.

At Helix Sleep, they make custom unique mattresses for a fraction of what you would normally pay. When you go to helixsleep.com slash joey, they're going to give you $50 off of that already lower price. That's right. Helixsleep.com slash joey to get $50 off helixsleep's already low prices. This show was also brought to you by onit.com.

Go to onit.com and use Colbert Church to save 10% on all of their amazing optimization products like Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shroom Tech Mune, and Shroom Tech Sport. Don't worry, the air is nice and clear. The furniture's got you up and going somewhere. Standing on the top, standing on the top. On the top, getting down.

Yeah, standing on the top. Yeah, on the top, getting down. To pay some price, standing on the top. Yeah, on the top, standing on the top. When you're on the top, everyone you meet may want to be your long lost friend. They say heart rate is high, a superstar. But do you have any money to live?

Hey, can you loan me a drink? When you're on the road, where do all the freaks and friends and people go? I don't know. I don't know. People sit there, ask the president if she really paid the rent. And what sells heaven's wealth?

Standing on the top. On the top, getting down. Yeah, standing on the top. On the top, getting down. Standing on the top. On the top, getting down. Yeah, standing on the top. On the top, getting down, down, down, down.

Standing on the top. World, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world world, world, world, world, world, world and world world, world, California and world world, world, world, world, world world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world! world, world, world, world, world, world, world! world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world!

world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world, world! We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk

We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk

And nothing else will do We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk And nothing else will do We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk We want the funk, we want the funk

And nothing else will do Stash it on top Stash it on top Stash it on top Stash it on the top Stash it on the top Don't you think? Do you like it? What you say?

What you say? We like it, we like it Move! Move! Move! Move! Standing on top Move!

Move! Standing on top Move! Move! Hey! What you say? Do you like it? Move this way! Hey! What you say?

Hey! What you say? Do you like it? Move this way! Hey! What you say? Hey! What you say? Do you like it? Move this way! Hey, what you say?

Hey, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you say, what you Everybody in this place tonight If you feel the funk and you feel alright So hey, what you say? We want the funk and everything else Hey, what you say? We want the funk and everything else

Hey, what you say? We want the funk and everything else