Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #421 - Bruce Buffer

Episode Date: October 13, 2016

Bruce Buffer, the voice of the UFC, and host of the "IT'S TIME!" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio! This podcast is brought to you by:   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 10/12/2016.
  

This show is brought to you by Onnit. Go to Onnit.com and use codeword church to save 10% on all of their amazing optimization products like Alphabrain, Numud, Shroom Tech Immune, and Shroom Tech Sport. Uncle Joey here, Lisa Yad here, my main man Bruce Buffer in the house, and it's the church of what's happening now. Little old school Janet Jackson when she was still rocking and rolling. Oh shit, kick it Lee, kick that mule Lee, kick that fucking mule Lee. I want to see that board blow up in flames this shit. Like a fucking Samsung phone, blow that thing up brother. Oh shit. And you thought it was just another Wednesday night huh? Shit, here we go. Oh shit.

Oh shit. Oh shit. What the fuck do you think you're dealing with? Thank you very much for clicking Bruce Buffer and Lisa Yad. What's the story Lisa Yad? Oh, I'm doing good. How you feeling? All right, you have a good day today? I had a great day. I went down to Beverly Hills for a little bit, did a little work, and went to the gym. Did you bump them for the small 15 yet? Are you still fucking around? No, I'm not. I didn't ask them for 15 grand yet. All right, fucking guy. I'm sorry, I apologize. What's going on with you Bruce Buffer? You're back, you're beautiful, you got canceled, so here we are this week, you're relaxing. Well got canceled, man. I'm glad I don't have a TV show running right now, you would have scared the hell out of

me right there. But you know what, just got back from Manchester, England, crazy, crazy nighty UFC action there, been traveling for them, traveling for other appearances. And right now, with the show that was going to be in Manila, in the Philippines, it got canceled at the last second, on the ninth hour. And you'll never hear me say this, but I mean, I hate missing the UFC, but I'm happy that I got three weeks in town and going to relax and enjoy and get back to some other things I got to do. You know, a couple weeks ago, I got put on the opening weekend of the oddball tour. And it was just a came sudden, it didn't have a lot of advertising. The first week had a great lineup, but it just didn't fall the great way it should have. So they first canceled

Sunday and Saturday. So all we had left was Thursday and Friday. How'd you feel about that? You like that? I was pretty happy. I was moving that week. I didn't really want to fucking come back Monday morning and have to get right on the moving truck and pick up and the baby and the wife so I was pretty happy about that. And then there was rumors that they were going to cancel Thursday and Friday. And as soon as the rumor hit me Monday, I went and cut a chicken head like I wanted to the fucking cancel. And as much as I didn't, you know, every once in a while, you need that. It's like when you're a kid and they closed school for two days. Oh, I love snow. You catch a fucking break. Every once in a while, you catch a little break and it's when you need it in life. Yeah,

but sometimes you don't catch that break of your own direction. You catch that break as you're forced into it. Because you're a pro and I consider myself a pro. And Lee, I'll tell you by the end of the show. Okay. Thank you. I appreciate it. So I hope I impress. You're doing great. By the end of the show, Chris, I gotta say, I saw some moves in the chair to Janet Jackson. I was a little impressed. I gotta be honest, though, I can only dance when I'm sitting down. I'm a big guy. I don't really have I have short legs and only move that well, but sitting down something about my I have good hips. Great. I'm good hips. Just make sure you got a chair that goes from side to side. I'm happy you're good hips. Wait, when I just captures

you, you'll need those hips. God suck it. What are you saying? You know what? It's just that when something happens like that, okay, you'll work every night of the week. If you have to, you love what you do. Like I do. I'm passionate about what I do as far as what I do in the octagon. And I don't ever want to miss a show. And every time it's a show, it's my first show. And I, you know, I just have this great passion of attitude that drives me. But I don't stop. You know, it's like when I maybe should take a break. I don't. I'll just keep working. And I don't wear myself out because I, you know, I, no, you take care of yourself. Take care of myself. You got to. You just keep moving. A lot of people understand this thing called work that work ethic and work

and it's working smart. We don't have a job. You said it smart. Working smart. You and I don't have a job. A job is nine to five Monday through Friday. You're home with a cat Saturday and Sunday. You go food shopping and you're back at work Monday. Nothing wrong with that. Millions of people do that lifestyle. I love that. I love the whole diary there. That's great. Yeah. It's a really, it's, it's, it's, it is what it fucking is. Yeah. And once you're in it, you're in it. Some of the people get opportunities in life where they have a job, but not really. Oh, they have a job and it's nights and it's scattered. Maybe you work Monday, Tuesday, and you have three days off and, you know, everybody has a different situation. But then there's a thing when you're in a certain

position where you're a one man operation and you're your own boss. And when you first get that, that opportunity, you run yourself ragged for a few years because you overcompensate. That's true. But also too, Joey, isn't a few years. What's that? Your years in show business. Easily total what? 30? 25. 25. Mine, mine's almost 30 now. And with that being said, it's just that we love what we do. Like you said, I call it life by design. I don't take that away from anybody, from what they do in life, because I've certainly had plenty of nine to five situations. I've also owned companies since I was 19 where it wasn't nine to five. It was nine to nine. Seven days a week. And you know what I'm talking about. So we all have

to pay our dues and I'll do it. And, but even though they see you on a show, they see you in a movie, they see me in the octagon or another area of entertainment where I work. It's like, oh, guys got it so easy. I look, oh, it's got it so easy. So easy. They don't take it into account that granted to put on that hour of show for an artist or work by the octagon for eight hours doing everything from, you know, what you do in the octagon to what you need to do out of the octagon during the eight hours to make the show flow and do your part of a huge team, you going to do your one man show here coming up this week. There's mental preparation. There's physical preparation. There's so much preparation that goes into a lot of these things no matter how small the job.

And just because it looks easy, the trick is you make it look easy. And if you make it look easy, then all the professional tactics you're pointing into it are working because you're not running yourself into the ground and you keep your performance for your people strong, you know? It seems like any, whenever anyone says something's easy, they're never an expert. And if you're, if you're, if you're ever in anything or even not, not even an expert, just to, but involved in anything, people always seem to say respect for it. People don't really fucking know. People don't ever include travel time. People understand that when you live in California, if you go get a fucking hot dog, it's a fucking hour down the road, you know, people that call you up and say,

Hey, come on down to Huntington Beach at three o'clock. We're going to have a screening. Listen, cock sucker. That means I'll leave at 12. That's my whole fucking day. This means just leave at 12. It means you're sitting in five mile or five mile traffic. So it's amazing how well I've, I believe I'm going to be here 20 years in January. I have an ethnic, ethnic immigrant work ethic, which means I don't give a fuck. If there's an envelope with that, if I don't have to pass out and kill myself, a stab a motherfucker with that, you know what I'm saying? For the first 10 years I was here, I got here in 97 and I didn't even know what, you know, when I first met Joe Rogan, for example, people go, he's on news radio. I had no idea what news

radio was because I was such a comic. I didn't watch TV. I was so into it. I didn't know what TV was. I didn't know what TV was till I got NYPD blue and I finally turned it on one night on a Tuesday night and I watched it for like an hour. That's the first time in years I had turned it and before that, you know, I did time I'm snorting blow and eating fucking monkey and shit. I'm not watching TV. What a fucking days home in these days. You didn't have the remote control in jail. I had a black and white TV in my room, but you know what? I didn't even watch it. I had, there was always something. Yeah, I'm just kidding. There was always something. There's always something and I don't understand it. So last week, uh, sad, you know, Lee and I have this podcast

and basically we get together Monday and Wednesdays and six out of 10 times I leave on Thursday right. And I don't care if Lee lights himself on fucking fire for those Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I get back Sunday and I'm, you know, listen, man, I'm a Cuban fucking Jew. I don't know what the fuck people are talking about. I get on. I get on. I get the first flight out because there's no terrorism at the airport. How many times we fly together? We fly together and that flight is never fucking delayed. So I get home, my wife and baby got a three-year-old there at church. I wait for him to come back. I play with the baby. Then when the baby goes down, take a nap. Well, when I get up and after the hugs and the kisses and we eat the family dinner,

my mind is already focused on Monday. I really don't give a fuck about unless Omaha of Omaha. When was that show when we were kids? Future of Omaha. Future of Omaha. Yeah, right. Well, Lawrence walk. I really don't give a fuck about life. I'm worried about my Monday, you know, and it's funny that Lee and I have had a discussion and I go, Lee, on Sunday nights, when I call you, you know, I'm asking you questions. I'm lining the fucking week up. Well, last weekend, Lee held on to his girlfriend on Sunday because it was Columbus Day and I couldn't really talk to him. Right. And I had to say to Lee, like, Tuesday, Lee, from now on on Sundays, I don't give a fuck. What holiday? We only work like three nights here. You got to be attempted

because I can't really talk to him when somebody's in the room. It's fucking rude. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. He's got some involvement with her and I got to call him up to ask him a question about the computer. It's kind of weird. The man's got class, you realize. Well, I can tell when somebody's dead. It doesn't take a fucking gig. It's like, I don't pick up the fucking phone that they tell me because I got a three year old in front of me. Right. You ever call somebody who's got a kid and they want to tell you a story and they're talking to you and the kid at the same time and you finally go, listen, call me when the kid fucking leaves because I can't. So I don't pick up the fucking phone because I don't want to do that to people. Right. You always got a plan

ahead. You know, there's people you go, listen, I got to go. You're talking. Well, hold on. Let me take, no, there's nothing. We're from New York. I got to go. Bam. That's it. The kid's fucking outside yelling, you know, I'm the same way. That's why I have that problem because if the kids around, as soon as the phone rings, she wants to have a conversation. They want all your attention. They want all your attention. The same thing when you're watching the TV with a woman and some guy keeps calling you to ask you a question. They want all your attention. You're watching the movie together. This is my favorite movie. This is my favorite part. This is what he proposes. I don't give a fuck. I'm trying to make a living cock suck. I'm trying to bring an envelope

about your movie. Well, you know, you get back to the 247 aspects out of it. When I say it's not easy, we've worked very hard and respectfully in what we do as everybody does out there. There are moments when it's easy. Sure. Because you're catered to that. I mean, you're entitled to that. Absolutely. But it does take an effort. And like you said, as soon as you get home, and I do the same thing, I'm already plotting and planning and everything. Five o'clock, everybody go home, everybody takes a nap, we hug. Once I get up and then we eat dinner, it's over. I excuse myself. I might wait a little longer. My wife plays, the baby plays the computer. I'm right there and I'm on the computer already setting up the week, looking at my schedule,

making calls. Who's on the podcast? Who's not one of the sponsors for the week? Who's this? That's why I don't like working Sundays. People always say, well, you're a prima donna. You don't know. I knew when I was featuring, I hated working Sundays. I didn't see the point of doing a show for 80 people who didn't want to be there. You know, Sunday is his family day in the summer and in the winter, it's football. I got to get up after a football game. I've been eating pretzels and, and fucking lipped in onion dip all day. I'm farting like a fucking, you know, I got gas masks coming out of my ass. Am I in danger of this tonight? I mean, what'd you guys have for dinner? Just give me the warning now. Okay. Oh, no, no, no.

But, uh, no, we're just saying that it's, it's who wants to do something on a Sunday when I could do 30 things in my house on a Sunday night. When you do comedy, they want you to work. Why don't you work Sunday night for 80 people to have you there for one? And then you can't even catch the fucking red eye. You're stuck there all day. Your family's eating at home by themselves, and you're stuck there. Action is here Monday morning. I want to be here Monday morning. Yeah, you got to, well, you got a wage offer that comes in. I'm not sure you turned down a lot of offers, but you know, you got to weigh in many ways. A, the money. A, is this my thing? You know, am I going to feel good about this? Cause I'm sure like me, you've done stuff that you didn't

really want to do. No, no, no, no, no, no. And then pick what's right for you and, you know, just put it all together in the best way. This is about you. It's like your focus as you do so well as, as any artist has to do. When I say an artist, there's all different kinds of artists. You're an artist and what you do, you're an artist and it's all about what sets and works for you. Cause like you said, walking to that octagon, you know, it's the loneliest sport in the world. It's a one man fighter, but I mean, who's going to fill in for you and Joey, you got to fill in for Joey. Joey's sick. You got to fill in for Joey. You get what I'm saying? Oh, last we got to go on stage with fucking vertigo.

How the frick do you go on stage with vertigo? Well, how do you do that? There was 1000, 10,000 people and I'm up there the second night in Irvine Melons. Are you inclined to get vertigo? Well, no, I had a backache and I fucking started eating those leaves because I, okay, now the truth comes out. You know, I had this back pain and I don't have time to be fucking sick. I'm like, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, you don't you look on the back of the package and says, you know, two treats, two treats, acrophobia, three treats, vertigo, you know, like, no, no, no. What I do is with a leave Advil, I'm an old pot smoker. So I have a problem with

reefer. I can't smoke the same reefer. 300 people buy a pound of weed and smoke it for a year. I can't do it. I can't smoke the same week, two days. I do the same thing with pain pills, like not pain pills, a pharmaceutical, but a leave Tylenol. Yeah, none of the rough stuff. None of the rough stuff. No, no, no, no, no. One of the octan, octan stuff. So something happened. I started eating those and I started, you know, when you get to a certain age, you pee at night. So after a certain age,

you start to look after a certain time, you're still looking at you. So I'm not saying anything. I pee at night all the time. Oh, you do pee at night all the time and wait till you pee every hour on the fucking hour. Wait to say, do you ever, you ever have that moment when you wake up to pee and you just don't want to get out of bed and you're telling yourself you can hold it, you know, it'll be okay until the next four hours. And when the hour goes off and you pee yourself.

No, no, no, no, no. That audience, that hasn't happened. Joey, I think he's got a story for us. Horrible that, you know, so sometimes I don't drink water at night. Well, one of those nights when I didn't drink water, they fucked up my kidneys. I went to acupuncture, she moved the energy and it became vertical. So it would hit me like 10 minutes before I got the fucking Irvine Meadows. The one night, the one night it hit me on stage.

The one night it hit me when I was laying in bed beating that one. And then that Monday it went away. So I'm cool with that. How long's it last? 10 seconds, 15 seconds, but it's the worst 15 seconds of your fucking life. And you were just walked out on stage or in the middle of your act? I'm in the middle of my act and I shifted, also in the room, just went. Did you play with it when you came out of it?

Did you play with it with the audience? I just stood there like I was the fucking deer in headlights. And I kept doing my joke. I kept breathing out of my nose, kept breathing, kept breathing. I left my hand out like I was surfing to be cute. But I wasn't being cute. I was balancing myself. And so that was the deal.

You know what? In the audience, they probably thought it was all part of that. No, they didn't even know. They had no idea. I didn't fall over and I didn't pull a Beyonce or Madonna and fall everywhere. Have you ever had to cancel a show, Bruce? No, no, I've had, no, I never have. As a matter of fact, up until about three years ago, or maybe I could be longer.

I can't get, I'm really lousy with time. It's just time flies by so fast. It blows me away. So answer your question. No, I've never canceled. I've been canceled on, but I've never canceled a show. I've done a show with 104 degree temperature where I was so dehydrated by the end of the show. The paramedics wanted to send me to the hospital to, you know, whatever.

But I look at the fighters in case of those shows. I look at the fighters and I just like, I don't care what I have, but, you know, my back's out. I blow the ACL on my knee and I've got to do three shows in a row. They're very starting the very next day, you know, with one leg. And it doesn't matter. These guys and girls, ladies and men are fighting. They're fighting.

So I just think, Hey, I can get through this. You can always get through it. What's the, what's the old ad it's showing? The show must go on. Yeah. Nobody needs, nobody needs to know how we feel. We're just there to do our jobs. And my mom used to have this thing like you couldn't, in my house when I was growing up,

when I got out of Catholic school, my mom and I had a deal and her deal was, listen, if you're sick, just do me a favor, go to school. If you puke at school, I'll come get you and take you for food and take you home and take you, but you just can't lurk around here and then always stayed with me. Like people just stay at home. You can't stay at home. You got to do something. I mean, listen, you can't go to an office when you work in an office with the

fucking flu or your cough and you're going to get everybody fucking sick. You know what I'm saying? People don't think about it. They do it. And that's why people get sick. Yeah. That's why people get sick throughout the office. But you know, if you work outside or if you work in a fucking truck and you're

by yourself in that truck, you know, you go to work until you can fucking pass. I come from a different, whatever, than most people. Like I didn't have insurance. So I moved to L.A. Don't do any fucking years ago. I was gonna say, you were 40 years, or no, you were like 30. 30, 32 when I moved. I had no insurance.

I used to take my own teeth out with wrenches and shit with Jack Daniels and the grandma bloke. Can we just talk about that for a second, Joey? Can you fucking believe? Why the frig would you do something like that? Because I hated fucking dentists. I hate it. Were you higher than a kiddie or what?

No, I just, I would be, you know, I would be on the road doing comedy and I'd get a toothache and after a week I couldn't take them when I go fucking. I'd go to Kmart and I'd buy a wrench and a couple airplane bottles and I'd get a fucking half gram of some shit in Michigan and I'd rub it on the gum and then they'd get affected and I got an abscess. Oh, you have no fucking idea. For years I had no insurance. So just tell me, did you do this more than once?

Twice. Twice. And did it f up each time? Uh, years later. One time it just broke and the bone was still in there and it just, it was just an abscess. So if people came around me that I hated, I could squirt it, it would fill over here, the little sign and I would go and it would go and it would jump on people's shirt and the shit it was.

And if you smelled it, it smelled like fucking Katrina feet or something. So wait, you're saying you didn't go to the hospital or the dentist after you broke it off in your gum? You know how people say, if you have an abscess, you're going to die. I walked around like for five fucking years. Well, let's, okay, slow down. Okay. To your audience, which a lot of them I'm sure are half stone up their minds right now,

let's not preach the fact that the abscess, you can walk around with it for five years. I don't think you want to give out that kind of guy of like eight years. I had leakage out of my dick for like eight or nine years. I didn't give a fuck. Did these years always jump that one? What do you think, what are your choices? You got gonorrhea, you got erythritis, which is a urinary infection. Most men think they got the clap when they get it because it's the same thing, but it's just

urinary infection. You probably just had a constant urinary infection. Who the fuck knows? It didn't. No, I take that back. You probably had every freaking STP. It didn't bother me at all. You know what?

Why don't you drink that Hudson River water? You're good for life. Yeah, you don't even have to have sex after that. You got it all. It's like one stop. I tell people, we were down there one time, me, this kid, Mike Gasky, this crazy kid, Johnny Lopez. When I was a kid, there was this family, the Lopez's.

Let me tell you how crazy they were. The mother was dying of cancer and she didn't want the pain pills. She gave them to the boys to sell. And what they basically were were like fucking Tumanols. That would kill a meal. They were like SP54s or something. Like we were doing quailoots that were the 714 Express. But Tumanols were these fucking blue and white pills that your world would end.

It would just end. Like it was just a complete... Like he would tell you, don't drink with this. Don't do nothing. We were kids. He would sell them for like 30 bucks a piece. That long ago? The mother was dying of cancer.

She didn't give a fuck if she died. She wanted blow. So they sold the pills for coke. No, they were tremendous. We got to do a story on this family. They're like buying up? They what? They're like buying up.

Get some pills, get your blow. They're still alive. They're still alive. They're still alive. But she used to sell fucking her Tumanols. And those things would fucking kill you. I would eat like a half. I might be on fire.

You go to bed, wake up. You're still fucking rocked when you wake up. That's crazy. I gotta say, I pain pills. I refuse them. There's one big reason. They stop you up like Mount Olympus. But aside from that, like when I had my...

As an example, when I had my first ACO, when I had that operation. Walk with the next morning, they're giving me all these pills. And actually the pain was not that bad. So I stopped the oxy or whatever they gave me the time. I just threw it away and said, I hate this. Sometimes... I've seen too many people get hurt on that stuff. Sometimes, I gotta be honest with you.

Sometimes when you have surgery, as a human being, you don't know what to really expect. No, you don't. So the first couple of days, you just feel something and you take the pain pill, the amount they tell you. And then let's say you forget one time. Not that bad. And it's not that bad.

And you're like, why am I taking this? Now, if... Like this last surgery I had, I always prepare for a surgery. Once you have a surgery... Just tell me how you prepare. Okay, once you have a surgery, you understand the preparation. You hear people tell you and you're like, fuck this guy, I'm not gonna listen to anyone.

What are you talking about? But then when you're in a toilet and you're 10 days in without taking a shit and you're sitting there and you wish your asshole would just rip open and you're crying and you're thinking you have to go to hospital. 10 days? And you gotta stick a finger up your asshole and push. You're like a rocker.

And start eating cereal. Yeah, because now you learn. So that's where the preparation goes in. So they come to you, Lisa. Not just preparation age. The preparation age. No, no, no. That's where preparation, once that happens to you

and you finish that pain medication and you don't fucking take care of yourself, after that fucking prescription wears off. First off, if you take that full medication or whatever they give you, I'm gonna tell you something as a friend. And you know I'm not lying to you. I know it.

I don't. It's psychological abuse for four days. Once you get off that thing. There's a drawbacker. Oh, excuse me. There's a withdrawal factor. And you start, I'm not gonna say you get suicidal. I don't want people to say I said I got suicidal.

I'm just telling you that I didn't feel how I usually felt. And were you taking them all day? No, I was taking them not knowingly. It's until you don't take them and you go, hey, oh, I didn't take this for six hours. I feel good. So we're all so geared and stimulated. We're all so geared.

We're geared for pain. The doctors, you know, the doctors do their job. They gear us. We think it, you know, you think, oh, I gotta take the pain pills. Then all of a sudden, when it's just a graduating return, you take the pain pills and maybe you do have the pain, but it's not the same.

A couple of days later, you're taking the same dosage for like five. Well, wait a second. This is what I understand. Listen, Mr. Buffer, from having conversations with other patients, the pain's not gonna be that bad. Tell them no PM or tell them no extra strength to do. But in case I gave you a prescription, you know what?

Why are you doing that? I never understood that. Why don't you tell me that there'll be a prescription available to you for 72 hours only at CVS if you need it after the surgery. I like that they give you the pill before it, so you have it when you get home, so you don't have to leave the fucking house

when you're in pain or whatever. Well, there's another way to do it. Give them a prescription for if they need it and give them a two-day dose just to take home in case they really do need it, and that gives them the time to call in the prescription. There you go. Instead of, I had a situation where I came home

and they pulled one of the rear teeth, right? The painkiller had not gotten to my house yet, and I was a kid. I'll never forget this. And I literally was grabbing the side of my bed. The pain was so crazy for what it was going through, and I had to wait that two-hour period until finally they called in the prescription to get it.

It just didn't work. But it had been sent home with one or two and waited and then had the prescription in my hand to buy more because when those two are gone, they're gone. They're gone. You know? And then you're either that guy or girl that's going to go, wow, it'd be cool to have them around.

Maybe I'll sell them to my friends or you know, that guy or the girl is going to be like, hey, I don't need this scrap, you know? But I got it. If I need it, I got it. You know, it's all about the individual. I keep it? Like, I had a...

And not about the... Sorry, sorry. No problem. Not the individual. It just, that would be more interesting. But getting back to my point is, pharmaceutical companies help pretty much, when I say help, I don't know if it's help,

but run this country, you know? Money. Those doctors are geared to prescribe drugs. What's the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist? Psychiatrist can prescribe drugs. You can still go talk to somebody, sit on a couch and pay them $350 an hour to listen,

which is what they do. And you're working out your own problems, hopefully. But one guy can give you the scripts. That's something that's... It comes down to financial too at the same time. They're geared for it. Never changed.

It starts their M.O. I've never understood, though, the pain pills, because I've never done them, but I had some friends who did. And the way they described it, it just said they made them feel itchy and anxious. And that just didn't sound... That depends on the individual, and that depends on what they're taking.

That's not going to be the same for everybody, maybe the same for them. Right, that's true. The pain pills don't... You know, another misnomer too, some people think is that they got a gashing wound, it's hurting. It's like that pain pills sending all the signals right here,

so that, you know, you don't hurt here. No, it's in here. It's affecting the portion of your brain that registers pain. I can't talk about it like I'm knowledgeable at it, because I'm not. I just know in theory what they do. And then they're one of the hardest and not the hardest things to get off if you become addicted.

Chevy Chase, he was addicted to pain pills for his back, all those prat balls he took on Saturday Night Live. He's got issues right now, and they're weighing it back to all that. So... No, it's... Listen, let me tell you, let me tell you about my first surgery.

Knock on wood. I never copped to no surgery until I'm about... Maybe 10 years ago, 12 years, maybe 10, 12 years ago. That's when you last had surgery. I'm about 40. The first time I ever had surgery. Okay. I got this fucking lump coming out of my neck.

Hunchback style? Yeah, like out of this muscle right here. And I'm not saying nothing. You know me, I'm a diehard. I'm scared of needles. If I'm going to die, fucking, I'll die like a soldier and shit. And every time I get excited, this lump would come out. Tremendous.

I'd be on stage yelling, you cocksucker, Gino XL, fuck you. And when I get off the lump would be elevated, my neck would be red. Okay. I finally showed my wife, she gets pissed off. She goes, you gotta go to fucking doctor. I go to the doctor.

How long was it going on for? Maybe four months. I go to the doctor. Did it just get bigger and bigger? Yeah, it was getting bigger and bigger. It's amazing she hasn't killed you by now. So now I go to the doctor. I go to the doctor.

So now I go to the doctor. They tested it's not cancer, but they got to get it out. Yeah. So the guy talks to me. So you know me, I'm on this jargon. Listen doc, I like to smoke pot. I like to snort blow. You know, what do you know?

And he goes, listen, smoke pot for like two weeks out. But the coke, give it a break right now. Well, like 60 days out, I'd rather you not do it. You know, like, okay, I say, fuck it. I'm like an eight one, do a going away party for coke. You know what I'm saying, right? You know how you do it. You always got to have one last bomb away.

You want to go out, bang it. Yeah. So I fucking get the eight ball or whatever I got. I don't know. I'm like, I may be exaggerating and I have my last cocaine run and I smoked eight packs of cigarettes and oh yeah, I jerk off 80 times, the whole fucking thing. And three days later, you know, I would always go three days.

Three days is the most I could stay clean. And I got a week out of the fucking surgery and bruise buffer and I'm still snorting up a stone a week out of the surgery. And he wanted 60 days. He wanted 60 days. He wanted 60 days before he went in the hospital. Now, yeah. So he's like, you know, he don't know nothing.

I'm three days out of your fucking, I'll quit three days before the surgery. Here I am two days before the surgery snorting up a stone. So finally I stay off it the one night and I stay off it the night before the surgery. Now the night, you know, I'm a fucking old school junkie at this time. The night before the surgery, I got everything prepared. I swing over, I give the coke dealer a hundred bucks.

I tell the weed guy to have everything ready for me at the weed store. I'm having surgery at six in the morning. I'll never forget this bruise buffer. I fucking go home, go to sleep, wake up, go take the fat ball out of my neck. I wake up in recovery. I see all these Filipinos everywhere. I haven't snorted in three fucking days. You know what I was going through at this point?

I can imagine. All I was holding out for was this fucking fat ball on my neck. That's all, yeah. I asked my wife, what's going on? She's like, they want you to rest here for like four or five hours. I'm like, four or five hours. Fuck you. I listened to them.

I got three fifties strategic street. Four or five fifties will buy you out of any hospital in America. All right. Four fifties, $50 bills, not 20s. They don't work. A hundred works anyway. A hundred works on the blind man, but a 50 is good enough. I got three $50 bills.

I knew that would get me to the door. You know what I'm saying? I knew that would get me to the door. I wake up, I'm naked. I got the fucking robe and my ass out. My wife's looking at me and my wife. No, my wife, poor my wife. She knows she don't get high, but she knows I'm going through it this time.

Of course, she knows everything about you. She's not married to me at the time, but we've been together for fucking five, six years. She knows everything about you. So next thing you know, I fucking pull the intravenous out of my arm. You know me, dog. But I see a little black dude with a wheelchair. Come here.

I go, I got my clothes next to me. I pull a 50. I put it in his hand. I go, dog, get me out of here. Dog, let's do it. This motherfucker sits me down. I got the intravenous, but I still got another tube in me for some reason. Right.

We're ripping it out. The nurse, stop it. Stop it. The thing's going off. The doctor cycle. I mean, I got myself out of there. It was one of the most embarrassing things I ever did. I gave the guy a hundred bucks.

My, my poor wife was pale. Like she knew something was up. We get in the car. I tell her, you got to stop at the weed store. She's like, why? Why do you need marijuana? I go for my fucking pain. Everybody had a bag waiting for me.

And then I made a stop at a friend's house to get a bookie bought for me. But she didn't know it was the Coke dealer. Right. So I go, hold on a minute. Here I am with the robe, the thing around my arm. Oh, you're walking in like that? Into the Coke dealer's house with the fucking bracelet on. I'm an animal with a thing on my arm.

I look at the guy that Robert De Niro shot and taxi in the neck. Yeah. This is him when he got out of hospital. They got a bandage on my neck. This is an embarrassing story, but I walk in the Coke dealer's house. I get whatever, half eight ball. I go home. It's the surgery was the sixth in the morning.

It's 11 o'clock. It's 11 in the morning. I'm still under the anesthesia. I'm still hearing people yelling and getting stabbed and screaming. I go back to the apartment. I'm sitting there maybe an hour and I said, fuck this. I got to do a blast. I did a fucking blast of coke.

And I popped a stitch. I could feel the blood going. I was actually going to ask you that. Jesus Christ. Of course you did. That's how disgusting I was. Do you understand? Like when I think of those, like people say to you, how do you feel?

Let me tell you how bad I feel. Let me tell you a story that's going to make you feel really fucking bad about me. And I'll never forget that my wife comes in the kitchen and she's like, are you bleeding? And I go, no, I just poked myself at my wife was going to fucking kill me. You know, she couldn't tell. I was coked up because I only did two bumps. And by that time it was like, I was like 20 minutes in.

You sure she can tell? They usually tell. No, no, no, no, no, because I didn't do it in front of my wife. Right. Okay. I never did it in the daytime. And I only did it when she was in bed. See, it's amazing how you do something that is done with a lot of,

with little or no discipline, but you're so disciplined about how you do it. Oh my God. I didn't want to. That makes sense. Very seldom would you see me at the comedy store with a blast because I wouldn't do it until I got off stage. I would think that I would think to, I know a lot, you know, a lot of comics and a lot of people and show this, whatever, you know, blow themselves up before going on stage,

but make it perform better or make it perform worse. For me, when I first got into comedy in 1991, St. Paddy's Day, 1992, I was working with a comic named Troy Baxley. And I know Troy was a little crazy. And I forget who the feature actor was. I was the MC and I bought like a half a grandma coke, a grandma coke. And thank God I did like two lines. So I went up on stage and I died and I never did it again.

But it got to the point where if you did it the night before, you follow me and went on stage. It's like if you had a big show on a Saturday, but you went on Friday and got blasted till about three, ate some pussy, did like an eight ball. When you got up Monday, when you're announcing the names, you're not really connected. Well, because if I didn't get up till Monday and I started announcing the names, I wouldn't be connected. I would have been fired Saturday from a signature show. Well, no, no, no, no.

I'm like a nun the night before a fight. No, no, you have to be. That's what I'm saying. And a lot of people don't understand that. A lot of people don't understand that. Everybody remembers Guns N' Roses in the beginning when they were doing the American awards nodding and everybody was on heroin. Everybody thought that was cool.

And they don't know that after one year, they look at that shit and they go, I'm not doing that no more. And they become musicians. You know, they evolve. You know, with comedy was the same thing. Towards the end of my, I would get fucking drunk on stage knowing I had a package waiting for me somewhere because I would never drink unless I knew for a fact the package was waiting somewhere.

I didn't like alcohol. I don't like alcohol. Again, discipline. You have great discipline when you play. That's like Lee calls me. Calculated. I did cocaine. Calculated when I went on the road with Rogan.

Rogan hates drugs so much, especially cocaine that I would be so cool. Even if I had it in my pocket, I played with Joe until the end of the show. And also I disappeared and Joe knew he wouldn't ask the next day. He would be disappointed, but it was what I would do. I would disappear. I wouldn't make an embarrassment. I wouldn't go to the bar and talk to people with my Joe going. No.

I think in the 20 years, I know Joe Joe saw me one time coked up because he told me he wasn't going out. So I got all blasted at the store and there he was. He showed up because now I changed my mind. I'm like, fuck, fuck. And he's like, get in the car with me. Went to do comedy somewhere. And in the car, I was out of my fucking mind.

I couldn't even look at him. I couldn't even look. Could he tell right away? He knew he's not stupid. He grew up in a fucking pool. Yeah. You know, so that's that's that's fucked up. That's that's the surgery story.

There you go. Yeah. That's the life. Like it's one of those one things you just didn't want to happen. No way. No, I thought when I went to that doctor, he goes, yeah, don't get out for 60 days. I'm like, you know what? I could do that with my eyes closed.

Fuck. I was so buried in at that time. I did not know. I had no knowledge. So when you realized when you realized that there was a problem you had to deal with and when did you finally realize that? I had realized that this is 2006. And what was your this is January of 2006.

Let me tell you what really happened. Let me tell you what really. Yeah, that moment when you knew. Let me tell you what it was like. You know, all right, I got locked up. Okay. Okay. So I started in 79.

I quit when I got locked up. No, I quit in 85. I quit for a year and a half. And then I did it again and I got locked up. And an hour after I got locked up, I snorted coke straight. Like I came to a conclusion that, you know what? I'm going to do this two, three nights a week. This is just who I am.

I'm not going to fight it. I'm not going to feel guilty no more. I'm not going to kick my, I'm not going to do it eight nights a week. I'm going to become a comedian. But my thing will be instead of going and shooting pool instead of going to play poker, instead of having underwear, I stopped buying underwear. Instead of, you know, you just sacrifice certain things. This is what I'll do.

I'll do cocaine and I'll smoke marijuana. When you were, I don't want to date nobody. I'm not going to buy nobody dinner for those broads. I'm not buying your dinner. We're going to meet doing blow. We'll do a grandma blow and eat your pussy. You don't like my nutsack. Well, I don't want to ask you to think of all the time you saved.

What's that? Think of all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, no.

My relationships went from five hours down to 90 minute period. 90 minute period at night. We woke up. I'll call you next Monday. There was no Monday. You know what I'm saying? I was already on a great home bus going to the next city.

What were you saying, Lee? I'm sorry. Well, during those 60 days, like when you were supposed to be not doing coke, would you, each night, would you, like each day, would you pretend you weren't going to do it? Not pretend, but think you weren't going to do it. And then at night you'd, you'd falter. There were some days that I didn't, I didn't even think about it until eight o'clock. Eight o'clock at night, I get this anxiety and this pain in my bones.

Well, that was the time you started anyway, right? That's the time that my mind would start playing tricks with me to go get it. And then once I get it, I'd hold on to it till I did comedy. And once I got off stage, I was showing Lee the route last night. Because in those days, my route was easy. I got nine out of 10 of my shows were at the comedy store. So I wouldn't pick up cocaine until I was done at the comedy store. Now I lived in Schrader.

Let me see. I lived on 1440 North Schrader. That's by Hollywood and Vine. Okay. The comedy store is two blocks west of Fairfax or three or four blocks west. That really doesn't fucking matter. Right. Okay.

So I had two spots in those days. I had a Mexican restaurant across from the guitar center. I've eaten there. Right. And then I had an isolated guy over by Rouse behind there. So it was all on the way home. I even bought Coke calculated. I even bought Coke economically.

You know what I'm saying? I knew these guys in Silver Lake that had Coke right from the fucking Colombians off the chip. Yeah. Nobody spoke English the whole thing. But that meant I had to go all the way to Silver Lake and back from Silver Lake with cocaine in your car. I had another dealer that I went to only after two. He was homeless.

Tremendous. A dealer who's homeless. Tremendous. Western and sunset. You sure it was good shit? Oh my fucking God. And listen to how crafty this motherfucker was. He lived behind the Burger King there on Western.

And by now they changed it to something. This is 15 years ago. All you had to do was drive on Sunset, make the right out of the left, and then drive back down and make that right. And all of a sudden you hear like somebody chasing a car. And it'd be him. It was hysterical. It's funny.

He chased a car. He'd pull up to the car. Get it away. Get it. And before you said anything, he would have a Coke rock. And he put it in your nose to make sure you weren't a cop. But let's say you're a cop and he sticks it in your nose. Isn't that a salt?

Who the fuck knows? He's homeless already. He would put a Coke rock in your nose to make sure you weren't a cop. Then he'd take your order. You gave him the cash. He gave you a Coke rock. No envelope. No bendel.

No nothing. Just put it in your hand. You put it in the center compartment and drove back off on Sunset like nothing happened. You didn't pay for the first Coke rock up the nose, right? That was the freeway. Yeah, that was the taste. Okay. That was on the house.

You know, you bring back something I remember. It's kind of like six degrees of separation. I don't have a cocaine story for you, but I got a story comedy story for you. In Malibu where I grew up, I moved there when I was 15 from Philadelphia, right? So when I had probably I was like 21. And I'd already started my first company and I was living in Malibu. And during the rains after the fires, when there's a big fire, it loosens the soil. The roots have to grow and the soil doesn't stay strong.

When the rains came, the mudslides hit and then the hill came down and you couldn't get in or out of Malibu on the coast highway. So I lived. My dad had a business contact that was the head of the Hyatt House at the time next to the comedy store. They used to call it the riot house because that's where that's up on the TV's out the windows. All those stories were all that place.

And I lived there for a month and this was back. I'm talking like 1982, right? 81. And when I'd see all the comics, I used to see back there because I would go almost every friggin night. I loved getting back from work unless I was chilling. I used to go to the Westwood comedy store and watch David Letterman host every night during the week.

And it was my Friday date night, but here to go there and God, I can't begin to tell you about the comics. I saw it was amazing. And it was great just to go from my place to the comedy store, see a great two hour session, go out somewhere and laugh. And I still say, when you got on a date with a girl, take her to dinner or whatever, guys, one of the greatest things you can do with a girl because girls just love to laugh. That's when guys have game or they don't.

Girls love to laugh, right? It's a comedy store, comedy shop, and it's a really good one. It's a great date. It's a great, great day. Can you imagine like if you, instead of going to a bar like Cheers, you just went to the comedy store and you were a cool guy. Yeah. And you became friends with the comics.

That's what I did. I smoked pot with them. That's what I did. I didn't say to dad, but that's what I did. You bring a fucking date. Can you start talking to like Chris Delia, like you know him for a little while and Chris is nice to you because we're cordial to you. We'll talk to you for 10, 15 minutes.

I mean, I'll talk to you. You're very nice and not fucking retarded. I'll talk to you. You know who you're, you know who you're talking to. We know who the fuck we're talking to. So it's really cool. It's really cool. I know it would impress to show other me if I was a female or a woman.

It's also the closing ratio. It gives you, you know, I would be really impressed if I was a girl and you took me there and you'd say hello and shit, you know, nice dinner. She's laughed all night. And then, you know, I'm telling you, you're going to go home with that. I've seen some really interesting people hanging out at the comedy store like my first. It's a great. Is it still as much fun to hang out now as it was 10, 12 years ago?

Is there a difference? Do you notice a difference the way comics come and go? I see the young guys that are there. That's what I'm talking about. Having a great time. I'm a fucking relic and a dinosaur. Oh, you know that they all look up to you. Welcome by Joey.

Come on. They're like this. It's not about that. It's when I, when I'm there, I feel like I'm really fucking old. Listen, when I was 25 and I went to a club, I already felt old and I felt it. I felt it. Like, I don't belong fucking here. You know, so when I go to the comedy store now, it's not like I drink.

It's not like I do blow. I get there early. I talk to the bartender, I talk to the waitresses, leaves back there with bullshit. Another comedian with bullshit. Then we go to the parking lot. We bullshit. Then we go home. You know, that's it.

But when I was there, my first five was six years. Jesus Christ. It was home. It was home. And it's fucked up as it was. It was home. Was Missy short? Missy short?

Missy short? Yeah, she was there. Oh, she is. Did you get along with her? Did you meet her? Absolutely. How did she treat her comics? I hear she was a really good one.

Well, listen, man, she liked the people and she didn't like people. It was like anything else. She's a tough girl. And just the rumors that you hear at one point that went to her head and there were people who weren't happy with it. But it was a fucking comedy story. It was the home of Richard Pryor. It was the home of fucking Dice Clay.

It was the home of Sam Kenneson. Let me tell you something. I saw Andrew Dice Clay when he first came out here to LA. And he wasn't the Andrew Dice Clay we know and as big as he got. And it was only a short time later that I'm standing standing in the forum, right, in LA. Sold out, right? Looking there and sitting in my seat afterwards, just looking out, sold out. Andrew Dice Clay.

Remember, he used to fill like a 10, 12,000 seat arena. It was crazy. You know, and I love his little, I love how he's traveling around now. He's got his, he's on the road all the time. I see the TV show. The TV show got picked up. It did get picked up. Got picked up for another second season.

I'm really happy for him. Hey, the man can act. Listen, out of all those fucking comics that got picked last year, nobody's show got picked up. I read for five comedy pilots. And Andrew Dice Clay's got picked up. Really? That's it. Good for him.

Yeah. I'm really happy for him. Good for him. I'm really happy. You said earlier, look, it's hard getting jobs. It's hard. The business, the business is so hard. It is.

If you're not tough, you shouldn't be even thinking about this business, especially your business. I don't think about the acting side at all anymore. I know there's a job in the horizon somewhere because you're here. You're going to get a call. You always get a call. You always get a call. You always get a call. You always get a call.

But as far as booking one, I went in for a role. Two weeks ago, the motherfucker wrote for me and I couldn't fucking play him. Not really. But when I was reading, I'm like, this is me. This is me for me. I'm like, I know her. The lady who cast it should put me in four other pilots. She wouldn't call me in if there wasn't something there.

There's something about casting directors when I've gone, you know, for the ones that I've gone for and stuff and you walk out and you think you think you did a great job, especially it's like a commercial for an announcer like, you know, like somebody, just an announcer, whatever you walk in, you walk out. Hey, that's like piece of cake to the back man. You never know what they're looking for. I think they're extremely unique in what they do. Think about sitting there seeing hundreds a day.

Well, this is the problem that people think it's not what they do. It's that she's the voice piece for the four people that are sitting behind. So let's say we both go in for the part of Gino in the new fucking Sinatra movie, right? He's still kicking, huh? I'm kidding. You mean the one made about Sinatra? Yeah, they always make a movie about something. Trying to make Gotti out of fucking, what's his name now?

That's never going to go because they can't get through. Who got the part to play a Travolta? Travolta, but this is five years now. They're trying to get financing. They forgot that nobody even knows who John Gotti is anymore. Not anymore? Not anymore. Millennials, as they call them, middle of the world John Gotti is.

So there's a part of the role for Gino. The guy is from Brooklyn, okay? You're from Brooklyn, okay? I'm from fucking Jersey. And you can hear it from Jersey. You know what, man? We both go in there. We both do a good job.

And then they start looking at weird stuff. What are the movies did you do? You know, what relationship you have with the other four fucking people, you know? I mean, there's so many variables when you get a film. There's so many fucking variables. If this guy gets the role, then we'll give it to Bruce. If this guy doesn't get the role, then it would look good with Bruce. I mean, there's so many fucking variables.

But she's the mouthpiece. Her job is to deliver who did well in the room, which is three or four people. And their job is to figure out who to fucking hire. That's what it is. It's East meets West. So I never take it personally with a cast in the right. No, you can't. Never, since day one.

I went through levels like everybody else. The first fucking 15 auditions you go to, you go through craziness to see if you get them or not. Then you learn, then the next 15, you learn how to be cool. And you have it together. Like, you don't show up people. You're upset that you didn't know you got something. But then the next, like, I'm to the point now

when I walk out of the room, it's over. It's over. The Bruce Buffett calls me and goes, hey, Joey, what's up? I just walked out of Fox. I went in for a pilot. That's exciting. You know, it's, it's, my dad always said, when like you used to it, lose like it doesn't bother you.

You got to walk in there and you got, if you can't handle rejection in this business, come on. Forget about it. Okay. Rejection is such a key factor, but you just got to keep punching, man. Well, okay. I got to talk to you because I know it's. And learning how to get better your auditions.

I know it's, I know it's burning a hole in your pocket when I talk about. Uh, Dear days, I'm watching this. It's a day. It's Saturday. So Friday night on Friday night, I get back to my hotel room at fucking. And I know I don't want to talk about this shit, but just because my uncle fucking Bruce wanted to talk about it, we'll talk about it for a few minutes

because an entangle, something, another word that you said, what was the word called that you said something about doing it again tomorrow, losing with grace, winning like you used to it and losing like it doesn't bother you. Win like you used to it, lose like it doesn't bother you. You know, and I know people don't want to hear what I'm about to tell you, but I'm telling you from a different perspective. I don't know what's going on. I have felony, so I can't vote.

So it don't matter to me. I grew up in North Hudson, New Jersey where every man either leaves in a wheelbarrow or in a fucking felony. It doesn't really fucking matter. So politics don't affect me because I know I still got to get up in the morning and show somebody a gun and just to get mine. So it doesn't, for some people, it's conversation. It's an identity in this country to be able to go to Starbucks

and to be knowledgeable to fucking politics and people look at your weird. I don't pay attention to it. So Friday night, I get home and he's talking about grabbing people's pussies. Now, Saturday morning, I wake up, I go eat breakfast. I call Lee. I turn the TV on and what's on the fucking TV? This is how crazy the media is. What do you think is on the fucking TV?

I have no idea. What killed the USFL? And I click the fucking button. I swear to my mother's grave and it couldn't be written better. So every channel's got, I hate Trump now. Oh, and I put on fucking the ESPN 30 for 30. And there's the first line out of a guy's mouth is like, Trump's ego ruined the USFL.

And like they went from 30 people talking about Trump. Now, for an hour, I turned it off. I had to leave. I went and smoked a joint, but I thought about something. I remember being with Ari at a UFC event and seeing Herschel Walker walking in. And Ari goes, that's Herschel Walker. I go, Ari, watch what happens when he sees me. And as soon as Herschel Walker looked around, he went, oh,

shit, he gave me a hug. And I go, Ari goes, how do you know? And I go, I know him from his USFL days. From 1985 at the Sheridan in Linnhurst. They used to have a happy hour. And all the brothers are going to eat ribs and shit. And all the bitches and shit. This is, this is when everybody found out OJ was fucking a white bitch.

It's all right, the fuck a white bitch, you know? So my friend, her house burnt down and the insurance company put it at that hotel. So she used to call me and go, you gotta get over here. You have no idea who's downstairs. The Giants, the Knicks, Lawrence Taylor. It was a fucking party, but the USFL. Right. And I remember Trump and the whole fucking deal, but it's so weird how even the media

spun it with, who owns ESPN, Disney? And Disney's against Trump? Obviously. Yeah, most likely. Obviously. But listen, that's not what I got out of it. You want me to tell you what I got out of it? This motherfucker's been swinging since 1985.

Trump? Yeah. Oh yeah, he's been playing deep. He's been swinging. I mean, you know, so people say, well, he lost with the casino. He's a failure for this. Here's a guy that never stopped trying. You know, listen, we're not going to get into it, but I'm just saying.

What do you mean you started it? No, no, no. You can't let me say something. But it's, uh, it's so weird how he was always swinging for the fences. If he didn't work at football, fuck it, he bought a horse when that didn't work. Fuck it. And well, but at the other side, for years, I was swinging at fences too. But it was other people that were paying for my mistakes.

Well, that's, you know, that's like being in business. We call it an OPM or other people's money. They want to pay for your mistakes. That's what I was doing for years. OPM or just note it's and actually I'll be the first one. Like when I, in all the businesses I've been involved in and everything else, there's a saying by a guy, I think Jay Paul Getty said this, I'd rather have 1% of 100 people's efforts than 100% of my own.

I'll make more money. I'll cover more territory. That's the whole point of building a business. So people get caught up about their, you can see it on Shark Tank all the time, about percentages of companies. It doesn't matter how much percentage you have in your life. It's a matter of what you do with the percentage that you have. You know, you're either a doer or you're not.

And 98% of the people walking are all everybody dreams. Everybody dreams about everything we all do. I'm a big dreamer myself. I know, I'm sure you are. So especially given the night. So as far as that's concerned, 2% of the people put it to work. There's out of the 100 people out there that want to be a comic and do everything that may to live within about 200 miles where you grew up, right?

You're the 2% or you made it out. You made it happen. So it's a matter of just if everybody was a 2% or then it will be kind of screwed up because you ever hear those same phrases of pyramid, you know, that business of pyramid, pyramid scheme. It's a pyramid. Everything in life is a pyramid. Whether you're a parent building a family,

whether the president running the states, or whether the president of your company or in your case, whether you're the one man army that you are, you know. And everybody underneath you is as important as the guy on top. You know, all those people shipping boxes and those companies on the bottom, ladies and guys, you know, taking the phones and everything. They're just as important as that top because without them, everything crumbles. So you've got to have that 98%.

Whether you're part of the two or the 98, it fits. It's just the way life is. You know, some people call it top one. I call it top two. For me, the thing about this election is like, I come from a very liberal place where it's everyone's democratic on all that. Where's that? Where's that?

Boston. And the Trump, the thing about Trump is if he just hadn't said some of that crazy stuff about Mexicans and just, if he had just come out and acted like a little bit normal, he'd win on the landslide. Yeah, but you, we'll see. The thing is, no, I disagree because the reason he comes out and talks like that is the reason he is where he is, that he can't come out and talk like that. If he stops being Donald Trump, then that's not who he was.

It wouldn't work. It's a reverse. It won't work. His ego would never allow him to do that. You know, he's a fireball, you know. And yeah, we saw this stuff last week. I mean, listen, locker room talk is locker room talk. And then there's certain extremes, whatever.

And I don't condone, you know, I love women. Don't get me wrong. And I, but you know me, Joey, do I ever talk disrespectful about anybody? And I know how to talk funny, right? So there's a way you talk and there's way not what was said was wrong. And if you can say, well, that was 11 years ago, like I think Billy Bush, the guy I was talking to said that was like 10, 11 years ago. I become more mature.

Give me a break. You're a 28 year old man. Now you're 38 year old man. You can tell me that that 28, you didn't have enough savvy in the business you're in. So now he's suffering. They suspended him. I don't even know if I'll bring him back because they're going to have to send a message in that case with what happened.

But Trump is a, he's, he's a powerful man. And as business wise, you mentioned that that there's Trump University, you know, that came up and there's been like 3,500 lawsuits filed against it. The, the Trump casinos, they closed their doors this week. They're done. It's over. Totally closed. Real estate he's done quite well in, but all I know is one of over Trump don't want to vote

for Trump. One of over Hillary don't vote for Hillary. If Trump gets an office, I'll tell you one thing that within 16 months, well, I'll give it two years. Give me some, give me a little leeway here. There's going to be a gold name of Trump somewhere put on the White House. And I think we need to like draw it and square it up and bet $5 in each square to see where it's going to wind up because it's going to wind up if he's president.

And I don't know if that's going to be the best thing that happens. Let me ask you something. It's a scary election, Joey. Not very scary. You were talking about the 211, like for me, it's like I write the jokes. I perform. I do a podcast. I prepare the podcast.

Lee puts them up. He does all the technical side. My wife sends the packages, you know, my, my agent books the fucking gigs. My theatrical world is done with, you know what I'm saying? Like I don't even worry about that shit. Because when it comes, it'll come. Yeah. When it comes to that, it comes right now.

I'm worried about this. So I don't, I still don't get your theory. Am I on top? Am I in the middle? Absolutely. You're on top. I was saying that, see, we're all, I believe that we're all born and created equal, barring the ability, of course, you know, race is an issue in cases.

But what I'm talking about, we're all born and created equal in respect to the fact unless we can throw higher, jump higher, punch harder in sports. I mean, what really separate, we got lung, we got brain, we got to put it to work. Out of all the people in a group of a hundred people with a 50 mile radius, let's call it a 500 mile radius, 5,000 mile radius of people that wanted to become what you want to become, which was a standup comic to do what it takes to get there. A lot of people dream of thinking they try, but you know, it just takes so much more. You made it to the 2%, you know, you just kept punching and punching and punching.

And you know how to, you know how to do every aspect of your business from what you're telling me. So you can't train anybody else to do it unless you know how to do it yourself. And then this kind of business, including mine, managing my brothers, you know, career and everything else, I don't want a big office. I had offices that had, you know, 150 employees, 40,000 square feet. The bottom line is you can get it all done yourself, just putting it into order in our, in our single one man businesses branding. You're branding yourself constantly.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm just surviving. And if you don't know what you're doing or you're doing, I'm just surviving. That's all I'm trying to do. You know, it's so weird. No, I'm going to survive. I agree with that. I do agree with what you just said.

Yeah. Every day is, I'm just looking to survive today. Oh my God, that's it. I don't understand what these people with eight year plans, you know what today? It's okay. I want to get a pizza. I want to get a pizza. I want to get a bag of reef.

I'm going to give my wife a stabbing. I want to hug the kid. I want to make a fucking smoothie with the dark cherries in it, the little raspberries and shit. Nice and sweet with almond milk. You know your life, Joe. You know what you like. Yeah.

I mean, it's, it's, it's pretty interesting what you're saying because I sit here sometimes and I go, how the fuck is a guy like me who was bleeding from his neck after he was doing blow still in Los Angeles and still swinging. I haven't made nothing. I'm amazed by the fact I'm still swinging comically. Like I'm going to tape a special on Saturday. This is the first time anybody's even considered me for a special. And I've been doing this for 25 years, but you want me to tell you something?

Guess what? I'm ready. I know you're ready. Like that's the crazy thing. Like I wasn't ready 10 years ago to do what I'm about to do two days from now. Life in life is, it's an evolutionary process and it's a constant process of daily maturation in everybody's life and career and, and respect to what you're doing. Do you think for one second that the 10 years from now,

you're not going to know more than you know today, you know? Yeah. That's the beauty of life, knowledge, you know, and how to do it right. How to go from point A to point B in a straight line instead of like a lot of hippie-dippy people do out here in LA and they've got to have the meeting and go over here and go over here. Just give me the friggin answer, you know? Let's just get this done. Time's precious.

Time is fucking precious, man. That's what they call, that's what they call the opportunity cost of time. You know, you sit here and you go 53. I remember being 33, you know, I'll give a finger to be 33 with what I know now. You'd give a finger to be 33 physically with a brain that's physically, be all the knowledge you have. We just said the same thing. Right, right.

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, you could do this again with what you know now at 33. It wouldn't have stopped me. At the age of 40, I would have been running Maine. You might scare me. I'm going to take an over fucking Maine with three fucking Puerto Ricans in a knife. Might scare me at 33 to have a brain that knows as much as I know now at 59. It's not even the brain, it's the, it's the confidence and

there's a word. Won't you believe the confidence to say, show me somebody that wasn't confident when they're 20. Unless, you know, they really are in their craft. They're probably just not going to be that kind of person. They'll ever be totally confident. You know, show me a board at 20. I'll show you a board at 60.

But it's not the word. The word isn't confident. When Denzel Washington, what were you saying with Denzel Angelina Jolie, where he's in a bed and she's like a fucking crime investigator, and he tells her what to look for. Absolutely. When they're looking for the gentleman, he says something. He goes, he's older because he's cautious.

He's more precise. You know, when you get older, you get more, you, uh, you get more bang for the buck. I know for a fact, I got three moves. If you come up to me and say, give me your money, Joey, I got a leg to the kick. I got a punch to the throat, another leg to the kick. One of those things has to take you down and none of them do.

I'm doomed. I'm out of breath. I'm huffing and puffing. Help Mr. Wizard. And my anxiety takes over. Right. But you know, just go with it. You know, I don't know what my point is.

I'm smoking so much briefly. I was trying to figure out your point there, but I was just, I thought it was building into something. Oh no. You only, when you get older, you have this confidence, but you also have this control. You know, it's called experience, Joey. It's experience.

It's experience. You're absolutely right. I'll sit, Lee, how old are you? 28. 28. Okay. I'm 59. You know the difference between us?

What? 31 years of experience. Right? Absolutely. Joey, you're how old? 53. I'm 59. You know the difference between us?

What? Six more years of experience. You know the difference between most people and us? You got fucking more experience than I have. 53. I'm kidding. All the experiences you've been through, you've lived an incredible life, Joey.

But it's similar, but it's weird because I have Lee. Lee went to Emerson College. Lee likes fucking goofy movies and Orange is the New Black. Oh, you said it right. Stuff like that. You know. That's all he's got. Give me an idea of a goofy movie.

Give me one of your favorite movies. It's not my favorite movies that he hates. He just hates when I watch new movies. If my girlfriend took me to the, it was awful. The Amy Poehler, whatever her name is from 30 Rock. Tina Fey movie. Oh, The Sisters or whatever? Yeah, that movie a couple of years ago.

And he just, when he calls me and I'm at the movies, he just sighs. What did you watch? Rifki. What's Rifki? Did you watch Rifki? The thing I sent you. Yeah.

Wait, wait. We're normally, we beat some up and should put on YouTube for a second. I want to show my man. If he remembers this. What scene? Put on Midnight Express, Rifki. I don't think you said, let's see.

Did he email to me? No, I emailed it to the gods. Just please, Midnight Express, Rifki. What's up the questions guys? Talking about a frightening movie. Jesus Christ. They don't even, I sent Lee three clips last night. Yes, they had the comedy store before I went up.

I spoke to these, him, one other friend of mine, Joe Malach, and a friend of mine from CAA. Ryan, and we're talking about movies. And we're talking about the original mechanic. How this 20, the first 20 minutes of the movie, there's no dialogue. Jam Michael Vincent, baby. It's him, yeah.

We're talking about Jam Michael Vincent. Am I in Charlie? All right, Fighting Rifki. Charles Bronson and Jam Michael Vincent. That's the first one, yeah. Right there, that one. This is a movie that came out, but it's so fucking frightening, Lee.

It's so fucking frightening. This guy was so sure. Oh my god. I hit it. I'm kidding. I didn't sell him anything. I didn't sell him 아무. I don't know how much.

Kev. He's lying, Rifki. He's lying! He's a liar! No. He's so damn new! Go! Go away!

Go away! Die here! Happy, happy. Like a riff he sold to Motley... Risky! It's the tremendous fucking scene in that express, I think 1978, this country don't even remember this movie anymore, they're both in the jail, Rifty's the fucking pimp, he's a fucking jailhouse rat, this poor fucking American's got like 30 years, he's got no look, he's having a

nervous breakdown, it's a Moroccan jail right, yeah it's a Moroccan jail, he tried to get the hash out of Morocco, guys have you never seen this fucking movie, it's an education story, true story, true story, put the music in a lot, that's the music he has 7-Eleven channel, it is, what about Lee, listen, he's having a nervous breakdown wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, watch Lee, tremendous, tremendously, he's the jailhouse rat, bam look at him Lee, he spits his tongue out, this is when America was America motherfuckers, now this is a fucking movie right here baby boy, this is when you gotta start watching every morning, this poor guy died of age in real life, god bless his soul, tremendous

movie guys, if you ever watched this, I had a drop of knowledge on these fuckers, look at his face, fuck this shit, you know we're talking movies and like you, you talked about the mechanic, the burst mechanic, you know they're remaking it again, they did it twice, yeah I hear it's being made again, they got another one coming out, so Charles Bronson is stabbing himself in the fucking neck, wasn't he amazing though, wasn't he perfect for that role, and Jan Michael Vincent, he married one of my best friends from high school, I told Lee and these guys about who Jan Michael Vincent set the fucking bar, he was the Brad Pitt of his generation, I was just gonna say there would have been no Brad Pitt, there

would have been no the kid from sons of anarchy, got no realm started with Jan Michael fucking Vincent, I just watched Big Wednesday coming back on the plane, come on, yeah well John Millie, he used to go to my mother's house for Sunday brunch, and then they filmed that in Malibu down there, and I'd known Jan for quite a while, and Jan tragically is, you know he's not doing well, right, he had his leg amputated, he was serious alcoholic, had problems with drugs, got arrested for, actually my friend from high school named Mary got arrested for domestic abuse, couple things like that, Chad McQueen, Steve McQueen's son went after Steve died, had his own you know little film career and started producing films,

and when Jan Michael was at the point past Airwolf, where he just was, wasn't the same guy, look he was, remember how beautiful, let's be honest, we're talking like people go Brad Pitt's beautiful, Jan Michael Vincent was the it man, he was the it man, I told these guys there was a part where he had the long hair, he did a movie before the world's greatest athlete, he did one before that, like him and a girl in a lagoon, wasn't that him? No, you're thinking Ricky Schroeder, Ricky Schroeder, what movie was he in, let me get it.

I.M.D.B. I.M.D.B. Fuckin', what's his name again? Jan Michael Vincent. Jan Michael Vincent. But what happened is, is that when his career started subsiding, Chad gave him a movie in a role in one of his films, you know, they're talking like a B movie, you see on Cinemax late at night, but anyway, right before it started, he had an accident and his face

went right through the window. So he did the whole movie with the stitches all over his face, remember, you know, again how handsome he was, but now I just saw a thing and because of the drugs and the alcohol and everything, his health got really bad, he was the epitome, epitome of health, right? And now they've had to amputate his leg and it's just, it's amazing how the fall from grace can change. And Airwolf was one of the biggest hit TV shows on TV for a long time. What decade joint do you think it was?

What? What were you looking for? That would be back in like 1960, yeah, like the late 60s. He did the world's greatest athlete. So it was right before that in the mechanic. It was before 73. Okay. So what did he do?

So I was on Wikipedia, I should go I.M.D.B. Yeah, I.M.D.B. Yeah, I.M.D.B. That's the easy way. I used to party at the Trancas restaurant with him, David Carradine, then came Bronson, Michael Parks, remember Michael Parks, he sent the Kill Bill movies, Gary Busey, who was my neighbor, Gary Busey was my neighbor, lived next door to me in Trancas Canyon for eight years, right?

Crazy group of people down there. You want to talk about wild nights of crazy nights. That was called the Trancas, Trancas restaurant at Trancas Canyon Road. It was the only place to go to if you lived in Malibu, so everybody went there on Friday and Saturday nights. It was just a lot of fun, a lot of great memories, that place. Those guys were having fun. I can't even fucking imagine.

I heard a bunch of stories. Who, what movies was he in? Okay, so in 69, he was in The Undefeated, and then he was only in, he was in a bunch of TV movies in 69. Well, the tribe, were you? The tribe and the survivors was a series. That's it. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

The world's greatest athlete. Okay, that was 73. Okay, mechanic. I said, up to the mechanic. The mechanic was a while back. Where was the mechanic? Oh, there it is. Okay, let's get this up.

Yeah, okay, so the mechanic was first. Okay. And then it was the world's greatest athlete. All right. And then it was Bite the Bullet. Yeah, that was a good movie. Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. Then it was Buster and Billy, and then Bite the Bullet.

Bite the Bullet was a good movie. That was like an ensemble. He did a lot of TV. White Line Fever, Baby Blue. White Line Fever. Do you remember that one? Holy shit. Well, they shot everything up.

Yeah, White Line. I think Chris Christofferson was in that too. White Line fucking Fever, yep. Checking the town, town, yeah, that was one of the that's crazy shit. That's crazy shit. What are the movies? One of the movies.

Okay. Then somewhere around. Baby Blue Marine. Baby Blue Marine. Jesus Christ, that's right. Shadow of the Hawk. Vigilante Force, I remember that. And then Big Wednesday was when?

78. 78, right, exactly. Hopper. Hooper. No, Hooper. Hooper was for Reynolds, remember? That was good, yeah. That was a good movie.

That was really good, yeah. Yeah. For Reynolds, I hear he's not doing too good right now. Health-wise. He's fucking 80 years old. Yeah. You know, these guys, I mean, God bless them. We're going to be there.

Yeah, we're going to be there. 80 years old, you know, they smoke. Hope we're there. Yeah. Yeah, but back in those days, it was the three Martini lunch. I mean, people didn't work out as a rule. You saw pictures of Clint Eastwood, which were PR photos doing a dumbbell curl. That was like, it wasn't like it is today, you know, not at all.

It was hard living. That was an old breed style back then. Well, I go farther back, my dad's age, you know, serving in World War II. That's just old breed. They don't make many like that. Well, you go back to that Sinatra age and when they were shooting that movie in Las Vegas and they would shoot in the daytime and go out and drink at night. Big time.

You know, they were in their 40s. I couldn't do that shit in my fucking 40s. No, but they, I mean, literally they do what? Two shows a night. I read about this. Two shows a night. They'd party with the women and everything till, you know, six, eight in the morning, sleep till five, you know, party till noon, sleep till whatever.

Take a shower, go down to the shows again, start the whole process. No, no, I'm telling you, at one point they were doing a movie in Vegas and doing the shows at night. Oh, the Ocean's Eleven. They went off for like eight weeks or something. That's probably when they made Ocean's Eleven. That's fucking brutal. Yeah.

To do shows. Well, you know what it's like, you know? No shit. Yeah. No shit. First off, you're sitting on a set all day. You're not really doing anything most of the time and or they keep you rehearsing like crazy, but to do two shows after that, that's what, you know, what time do you have for

yourself? You had no time at all. Well, I used to work in Miami in the late nineties. You had to go out after every night, didn't you? Oh, Jesus Christ. Come on, seriously. It was, it was horrific. Was it horrific?

It was horrific. Because you, you figure this, when I was in New York, I left New York in 1985, which made me 22 years old. I got to tell you, there was maybe 20 nights and all those nights that I stayed out until six. There was a couple of nights we snorted until eleven in the morning or one in the afternoon during a football game or something, but that was basically it, right? Then I, I never really stayed out all the fucking time, like I couldn't imagine doing

all nineties now till fucking eleven or two or three in the afternoon. I think, I think I paid my dues in that area. I mean, I have, I have certain great nights of fun, but it can involve a lot of, you know, usually involves with somebody I'm with and having a great time at Vegas or something, but here in LA or whatever nights don't go that late. I can't even think about it. Vegas is another story. Creates a whole new attitude, but even then people think I go out and party all the time

after these big shows. And granted, do I? Sure, I have my moments. Absolutely. More than I can remember. But there's the moments. I'm sure you go through it too, Joey. I just want to go back to my room.

I want to get some room service. Right. Want to watch a pay-per-view movie and thank God for online poker. I mean, sometimes I just want to just get away because I'm going somewhere else in two days. You know, it's work, but partying all night like that. I couldn't do that. When I used to go to Miami in 98, it was worse than when I lived in New York up to 85.

Yeah, but you're talking Miami. I mean, Miami's nuts as is now. That was crazy back then. 98, I would do the two shows. Remember, I was the feature act. I was not the headliner. I would go down there and they would go, you're going to feature? Fuck you.

Two weeks. Fuck you. How long were your sets? 25 minutes. 20 minutes. And I had a system. I would go down to the club. I'd get my advance for the night or sometimes I wouldn't see the manager.

But I'd go in there and I'd get a brown bag and I'd take like six brown little fucking Budweiser's back to my room and then I'd take a shot and then come down, actually do the show or the shows. And then in between shows, I'd go to the frozen drink place. Jamba Juice? No, fucking Jamba Juice. Jamba Juice back then. No, Jamba Juice.

They have like these frozen drink places with alcohol in them. Wet Willys. Wet Willys. They had one drink that was 140 proof. You know how fucked up you get on one of those? Do you know what that means by the way? What? When something is 100 proof or 140 proof, what does it mean?

Like the percent alcohol or? Divide it by two. So that means he's drinking 70% alcohol. When you hear like six percent, yeah, anyway, you're drinking 70% alcohol. 140's things. That's crazy. It's called callicab. That's what the drink is called.

It's called callicab. There's a new one that came out. What is it? Call an Uber. Oh yeah. Call an Uber. This is 100. They would only give you maybe three.

It was grain alcohol. Maybe three of them? You can only drink two of them. Three of them. Oh my god. But it was pure grain alcohol. That's why you got fucked up. But to make a long story short, I would go down there six times a year for two weeks

and if the headline of the following week was bringing his own feature, they'd stay in the hotel. I'd stay a week and stay in the condo. And let me tell you something, at that age of 99, I would fucking go out all seven nights until six, seven in the morning snorting blow, jerking off, bringing a girl home from Moose Cafe. What a horrible. Was it like in that order though, Joey?

I'm trying to think about it. Fuck knows. The order was a little off. Yeah. You don't want to jerk off before you bring the girl home, Joey. It's a horrible, horrible existence. There was some pleasure in there. I heard some pleasure.

Let me give some shout out to you. We'll get you out of here. It's getting late. The fucking cops are coming. I want. Sorry about that. Went down the wrong pipe. I want to give my main man Bobby sharing a shot.

I started a new podcast called Cobra Cast. I bought a shout out to my main Ray Majewski, Brian O'Shea, Eddie Brancaccio, Ali Raza, Javed, Doyle Chandler, Ryan Jacobs, and Andrew, the motherfucking Miller. He built this little devil in C right here. That's really cool. I want to give you some shout outs. Let me ask you something. I just found this out.

You told me not to talk about it, but I want to talk about it because I think it's cool and not that I know about it. I won't do it today because there's something jammed with my PayPal. No problem. I was even telling Lee last night on the way down. I told Lee, I'm trying to give you some money. I got some YouTube money for you, but something happened. You go online, and whenever I go online, it's like I'm a fucking asshole.

Every plane ticket is $1,000 for me. So I called Lydia. They're going to do me a favor. Go online. Tell me how much this plane ticket is. He's like $198. I'm like, what am I a fucking asshole? He goes, they know you're watching, so you have to change your cookies.

So when I clean my cookies, I don't know nothing about my cookies. I told my wife. I just don't know what you described, but it's fine. So I told my wife, Lee said you got to do the cookie thing. So when she did the cookie thing, I went there the other day. I got this money in PayPal. I go, let me pay Lee some money. I can't send a dollar out, a dollar out to family or friends.

Like they blocked me or something. But I don't know who the fuck was telling me this. Eddie Bravo, you did EBI. Yeah, I've done two of them. A lot of fun. Okay. Now, I guess it was one of those guys who was telling me, if we go on your webpage, what's your webpage?

Brucebuffer.com. You going to be mad at me? No, it's okay. It's all right. It's all right. All right. They said, if you go on your webpage, there's a page like click onto, and I tell you, my name is Joey Big Dick Diaz, and I have some fucking Cuba, Havana, Cuba.

Click on this page. You know what? Without trying to sell anything. No, I just, I think it is the fucking coolest thing because if you have a birthday party, a wedding, people, a wedding, it doesn't matter, Bruce. It's not sad. I love the party. I love it.

All right. Well, here's, here's what happened is that I get a lot. I get requests like you won't believe for voiceovers and, you know, like announcements, right? So I do a lot of weddings, right? They're on video on YouTube, or I make audio recordings for them, and it's really cool because they write back, you know, I get tears in my eyes, oh, you're part of my special day.

That's a big deal for me, right? So I can command a certain amount of money for what I do like you do. But in this, I make these really inexpensive. So I thought to myself, instead of these fans that are willing to pay hundreds of dollars for me to introduce them, like I would, you know, in the octagon as a champion, then why not just make something special because they're the greatest fans in the world. So for like, it's a $99 bill, right? $99.

And you go to the site, go to brucebuffer.com, go to brucebuffer.com please, Lee. And you click on it, it takes you to page, and basically you fill out a form and like Lee, give me, give me your full name, Lee. Lee Syed, S-Y-A-T-T. What's your skill, fighting skill? What would you call yourself? Uh. You got the Jew foot.

Yeah. The jujitsu. Once you place up the Jew foot, it's over. How about the jujitsu fighter? It's at the jujitsu fighter. No, he's a jujitsu fighter. Yes. Okay.

I like it. You like that? Okay. How tall are you? Okay. Don't lie. Tell me the truth. Okay.

I was going to say if you were going to announce me. Actually, if you're filling out a form, how tall do you want to be? What do you want to be, Lee? If you're going to announce me, I'm going to say like six foot three. That's what I always wanted to be. Is that what you want to be? Okay. I'm five foot three.

How much do you weigh six foot three? How much weight? One lady. Oh, yeah, sure. Six foot three. Let's give you something like 240 pounds. Yeah, okay. Okay.

Where are you fighting out of? What's your city? Boston. Any championships in your life? Three-time hummus champion. Can I rig it so it plays when I open the door to the office? Yeah, I'll send you the file. You can do whatever you want.

Yes. Three-time hummus champion. Okay. Nickname? The Flying Jew. Okay. So it takes a second to fill out the form. Fill out the form.

You hit a button and you pay through PayPal. I saw it, right? Yes, sir. Okay. You pay through PayPal. It comes through. I get the script. I get back in town.

You know, I can win a hundred of these a day if I had to, whatever. So you pay, you pay the, you do your thing. I get the order form. So I'll get my studio and I'll do it like this. And now introducing the man fighting out of the blue corner. He is a jujitsu fighter, standing six feet three inches tall, weighing in at 240 pounds, fighting out of Boston, Massachusetts, presenting, making his debut, the three-time hummus world champion, Lee, the Flying Jew, Syat.

Thank you. That's an honor. Now, if you want to put on the tuxedo, I do videos too. That is the coolest. And I put on the tuxedo and you get it. That's what I do for the weddings a lot. Yeah. Oh.

You know, every time I watched these, the other day I was watching Rogan's podcast, what's his name was on that boss route. Oh, Bob, I love boss. All the things, you know, you figure boss is going to talk about choking people at the time he took somebody's eyeball out of something. He's talking about breathing. And I'm listening to this and he told me how he invented this thing because when you're trying to breathe in, it's the muscles that don't let you breathe out correctly in the

other machine. It's like a weight machine for your lungs. Right. Right. And it's like so interesting. I ordered it and it's great. And I didn't know how to do it. I called up a friend of mine who knows him.

He told it. He sent me a fucking video how to do it. You know, we live in such a weird world that you can get it, you know, like I told him, I didn't get the instructions with the thing I got. I don't care. Just let him just tell me where to go and get the instructions. She called me back. I said, no, he wants to talk to you, you know, and now when I heard this from Eddie, because

I saw you tell him like, I wonder what the fuck buff charts Eddie. I mean, Eddie's got to be washing his dishes, maybe teaching Jiu-Jitsu to the poker people on Monday nights. And he was like, nah, it's cool as hell. And then he said about this and I'm like, this is the greatest thing I've ever heard. Yeah. And they get it sent to the house on email. MP3.

No, it's pretty much on email. You pull the file, you do whatever you want with it. Okay. Yeah. We had that. See, the reason is Kristen, who runs my company, she's getting inundated with all these requests, right? They're like, okay, let me make this simple.

So you hit a form, but a bing, but a boom, I get the form, I can sit down, do 20 of them, you know, do one of them, whatever. And the big thing is, Joey, I get a kick out of it because I know the people's reaction when they get it, it cracks me up and it's a, it's a very cool thing to do. It's really weird what, what's happened, what the internet has added to people like yours and mine lives. If I had, if I had the internet, when I started managing my legendary brother, Michael Buffer's career, uh, back some 25, 26 years ago, what we did in that 25 year space of time with the,

when a branding, let's get ready to rumble, trademarking it and building his business and sports entertainment, I stand up the night and, and send out 200, 300 facts as one by one, promoting, getting the message out. This happened. Now it's just pressing a button. I would have killed it. I would have covered so much ground, you know, if we had that kind of technology available to us.

It's really great stuff. I got to ask you something. You mentioned Boss Rudin. Um, if you were to ask me in a street fight out of all the warriors I've met, right over the last 20 years, 20 years from me as of February in the octagon, um, and even my career in boxing was like, you know, seven years before that, five years before that, many, all those great fighters too. Uh, who would I want to back me up in a street fighter who'd want to get in?

You know what I tell you? You guys chuck the Dell because I've seen him at work and Boss Rudin. I'm, I don't want to hear about anybody, but it just put me chuckled on one side, even at their age right now and Boss Rudin over here, it's like, that's all you need. I've never really seen Boss Rudin fight, but if my two, my two, my two, my top two, if I was in the dark alley, Chuck Liddell, and there it is, and Carlos Condor, Carlos Condor. That's always scared me when he's got to kill and there's two fights that I can back what I'm saying to the kid from GSPs camp when he fucking put the lump in his head with a

fucking elbow. Oh, Roy McDonald. Yeah. When he said to him, you're behind, go out there and fucking zero it on and the fight with Lola, was it Lola, Robbie, Robbie? Yeah, that was Roy McDonald with Lola, but you know, no, no, no, no, no, who did he just for? Who did he just go?

He just had a battle, Carlos Condor. With Lola? Don't. Before he lost to this guy now, he had a battle with somebody. He did. Yeah, I know. He had a five round battle. I think it was Robbie.

Yeah, it was Robbie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying is, you know, it's hard for me to remember anymore. Yeah, it was like, I could see, I'd hate to bump into Carlos, the natural boy killer. Well, he's, you know, he's, there's a lot of, yeah, there's a lot like that, but you also have to think, as I'm sure he does, because I can see the sense, I can read, I can read, you can, we're street, you know, we can read people, okay. So I say I'm pretty right on most of the time, but it's not just who fought in the

octagon. We're talking about a street fight, you know, when it breaks down, it gets ugly and you know, things, bad things can happen, as I know you've seen. Chuck's got that instinct boss and has proven it over and over fighting for sport under rules is one thing laying it down over here in an atmosphere and that's talking a quick, you know, schoolyard fight. We're talking like some serious street fighters, it's a whole other world, man. This instinct you have to have.

And I watched, I've watched Chuck Lado in that, that London fight, you know, the one with Tito and Lee Murray and all. And I was, you know, making sure covering his back and all, man, he was walking through people like they were butter. It was like, remember the time machine with Rod Taylor and the Ewoks attacked, like pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, he's like, bam, one, bam, bottom fist on this one, pop on this one. They were all coming at him. He's just dropping him like a tractor going through trees.

It is an amazing piece of work to watch. You know, it's really amazing when you see someone on the street who God made to be on the street when I was a kid, young, young, young, young. I used to grow up on 88th Street, but my grandma lived on 148th Street. And there was this one, there was a couple of families that had six or four kids. And there was this one family. I can't, if you put a fucking gun to my head, I can't remember his name now. They were Italian or white or whatever the fuck they were, mutts, you know, but nice

people, but they had one brother who, when he fought, you know, he took a fucking ear or a finger or he stuck his fingers in the nostril. There's always one of those guys. He went to Maine, you know, and I guarantee. I mean, at the time of saying to myself when I was eight, that guy's never going to get out of jail because by the time I was eight already, he was in and out of, by the time I was seven, I had started going to my godmothers when I was five. And by the time like that, I saw him do something once like an animal with a stick

that I had never saw anybody do. And I go, you know what, as of right now, I'm never even going to get close to this guy. Yeah. Well, you got to, there comes a point in life. You got to separate yourself. You could just, you could tell who the fuck is going to be John Hinckley or you could tell those people who's going to be. And then there was a Halloween incident that was up there.

And he just took an egg and what he did, he did it to his own brother. He had like four brothers and what he means to hit him with an egg. He hit him at the egg, but he tried to hit him with the egg in his eye, like crush the egg. Oh, like crush it right in his eye. The other brothers had to get off him and stuff. And it was just terrible. You know, you got to think about something. Do you know how easy it is to break an egg?

But when you're pressing that egg up against the eye like that, that doesn't break. Yeah, yeah, that's fucking back to his brother. The other brothers jumped in and I'm like, what the fuck? You know, in the, in the seventies, they didn't have a name for that yet. You were just fucking around or something, but then there was a block party and something happened and he hit somebody and that was the beginning. It was Juvie and I don't even make a mental note going. That guy's never going to fucking get out.

He just had that look to him. He's just going to get worse. The last five years I've been around him every three months. He does something. I tell people all the time, the best self-defense in life is observation. Know what's going to happen before it happens. Pay attention. Don't be a hero.

You know, there's just so many ways. I don't like you, Joe. I've just seen, maybe unlike you, but in my experience, I've seen a lot of bad things happen and they happen so damn quick. They happen fucking quick. So quick. Yeah. You know, I don't even like when people talk to me anymore, like one of the street.

Like you have to pay so much. Like I just came back from New York. And I got to tell you something. I love going home to New York, but this last time it fucking horrified. Why? Because the last three times I've been to New York, I've seen things that are uncharacteristic of any other city I go to. You know, you and I both know we travel.

I go everywhere. I go to Minneapolis. I go to Chicago. I go to fucking Portland, Oregon. I go to Tempe. I go to Houston, Austin, Dallas. I go to New Orleans. It don't matter.

I can relate. Uh, this last time in New York city, I saw a lot of weapons. I saw the bomb sniffing dogs. I saw a lot of you talking about legal weapons, like police and yeah, yeah. Well, think about it, you know, it's scary. It's scary. It's real. You know, it's fucking real.

Like it's you go to New York. It's real. So it's just, uh, it's still one of the greatest cities in the world. Oh my God, I love that city to love that city. You know, all these cities that I go to are pretty much booming on paper. For me, like Philadelphia has become like this hot comedy city. Oh, this is my hometown. They just opened up the punchline there.

They got helium there. They got another club there every week. The clubs are going at it right to see who the fuck is the best. Hell, you know, these cities that, uh, were not dead 10 years ago. They weren't dead 10 years ago, but they were struggling. You know, close to Philadelphia, you got to assume Camden struggling. And talking, struggling, violent, struggling, all those little cities, a hundred miles from fucking Philadelphia, dying one by one, you know,

cannons down an old police force of nine. Yeah, I don't fucking know. Yeah. Every time I hear something crazy about it. So yeah, but some of these cities that I go to, I'm sitting there at all. No, wow. What's your favorite cities now? What's your three top favorite cities in the States?

You know what, man? There's not a lot of places I go to that I don't like. I liked, I liked the flavor of every place individually. And I find something that makes me look forward to going there. You know, I think at nine or 10, I got to be honest, this is not drugs. This is not pussy. It's food. Food.

Yeah. Of course. Like I'm going, what the fuck am I going to Chicago? And I got one thing on my mind. Some sweetheart today said to me, when you come to Chicago, let me know. I'm going to take you to the best taco place. Uh, I'm coming from California. Even though there's probably some good Mexican food in Chicago.

I don't want to go to the fucking tacos. First thing I'm doing with Lee is we're checking into the hotel room. I'm going to take a little nap, maybe work out, get ready for the show. And after the show, our friend, Pete, the Greek's picking us up. And he's taking us to get a nice fucking hot beef sandwich with a little sausage in the middle. Nice. Like gentlemen, maybe a thing of water.

Lee wants to kill. He wants to have a friend watching about the sausage in the middle. I don't know that we were going to get sausage in the middle. I went and saw a Chicago man. It's a Chicago dog. I've never had that. I've had the, just the beef. Wait, wait, wait, I'm going to show.

You think I'm going to take you to some one? But you have to get crinkle cut fries, at least a small. No, you've had a, okay. I'm for Philly. I'm all about cheese steaks, right? You've had the Boston bomb, right? I don't know what that is. Are you, you're from Boston and you don't want a Boston bomb?

This guy likes unbelievable. What are you dealing with? It's like a cheese steak with a sliced Canadian bacon on it. So he loved that shit. He loves it. It's a heart attack and a bond. I've never, yeah, I've never heard of it, but it sounds interesting. I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm weird about, I'm weird with my steak and cheese.

I don't, I don't like anything on it. So what do you like fucking bacon on? Just a hamburger? No, no, no, steak and cheese. What are you talking about? You like burgers with bacon on them. You just don't like, you like, you don't like steak with bacon on it. You're very particular.

No, I don't like, I, I, for a steak and cheese, I want steak well done, like well, well done, like crispy with cheese. Yeah. And that's it. I hate people put mayonnaise and lettuce on it. I like, I see people getting in a subway and putting like veggies on a steak and cheese. First mistake, you're at Subway.

So why would the fuck would you even judge those people? Once you go to Subway, you lose all credibility in the fucking sandwich world in my eyes. What do you not say having a steak sandwich in Subway is I had a steak sandwich. Yeah. He's, you have no idea what he eats. This guy eats a subway. I don't go anymore.

Goes home, blows his ass out. So this subway, uh, speak the subway, that guy, the, the, you know, the pedophile, the one to jail. What's his name? The Jarrett Jarrett. Did you hear that he filed a lawsuit against the parents of one of the girls that he went to jail for it and blaming them for the way they raised her is the reason that he got arrested.

I mean, what a piece of that guy's looking at fucking nine years, no matter how you cut it, he's just back stroking like everybody else in this fucking world. Crazy. You're going to fucking. I got no, I got no empathy for him. No, no, there's no empathy for those fucking guys. That guy was parading himself, having a great old fucking time. Great old time.

I know you like Charles Bronson. What's this real name? I have no idea. Charles Bronson. Charles Pachinsky. Pachinsky or something like that. What was John Wayne's real name? Lisa.

Yeah. Marion Michael Morrison. Marion Michael Morrison, John Wayne. Here's an icon. Now you also, let me ask you something. So how long have you been doing that little thing with the voices for what? I just launched it. Actually, strangely enough, cause I, you know, I don't know what I was

going to say anything, but I just launched it last week. Good for you, man. Yeah. You had to get all the kinks out and make it work. I love it. I think it's a great fucking idea. I think it's a great idea. When I heard that, I'm like, wait a second.

So you could just get it made and they were emailing. Yeah. Oh, shit. Well, you know, it comes to a point where in your life, it's like you walk around all day and let's say somebody, everybody who came up to goes, tell me a joke, right? How many times they get the request to announce or it comes in via email. I mean, after a while, it's like, I want to get back to it.

That's what they want. You know what I mean? It's your question. Yeah. I know you, you're a badass motherfucker. Cause just, just call me Bruce. You always got a Jew. You always got a Jew cup before, you know, the last thing I need is you make

them doing a million of these. Next thing you know, Ben still shows up and wants 10 points. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Listen, if it happens and great, maybe I'll even let my agent take care of it. I see. I like doing things myself. Yeah.

Me too. I like doing things myself. That's a great idea. That's a, I love all this shit. I love all this shit. I love what I do. We love what our life. I mean, it's about being passionately.

You know what, that's something that I like. I don't like a fucking ringtone. I don't like this. I really like this. Actually, I did that. I, not a ringtone, but this isn't available anymore. But this is the Bruce Buffer app, right? Oh, wait.

Okay. So I'm going to, I'm going to play a couple of the sayings. Let's see, I think you'll find this funny. You're not going to torture me on your Bruce Buffer. No. Just play two of them. I'm going to just, let's talk, let's talk. I'll find it.

I'll find it. I'll find it. I forget that. How long was this app running for? Is it still alive? No, I, I made a bad decision. Sometimes you make bad decisions of business with good products. Again, but you tried it.

Oh yeah. I got nothing to lose unless you fucking try it. It did great. Well, how many fucking things before she robs herself? How many of those apps did she sell it? The fucking Kardashian chick. Millions. Millions, but she, she made $40 million off that.

She wouldn't have known if she didn't try it, but you got to try things. If I remember correctly, one of the ways that was a recent one, she's making a lot, but one of the ones that she made the ton and ton of money on actually happened through a legal battle with the people created it. Then she went and went after them and then it became her thing. And I mean, just, it's amazing how much money. Hey, let me ask you a question. Did it ever occur to you hearing that story about her robbery in Paris?

Did you have one inclination, one moment where you thought it was a setup? Yes. Yeah. I'm not saying it is, you know, because they're suing everybody that says anything, but I'm just saying that you can't help but think when the girl, listen, Paris Hilton, before that green anchor TV show came out, conveniently came out in a porno, having sex with a guy named Rick Solomon that sold like crazy. I mean, millions.

Okay. Claims she'd never had any ownership of it. Came out two weeks before, brought a lot of publicity to the project. Kardashian had her, her tape conveniently was released, you know, a short period before a lot of things happened, you know, so very smart marketer and her, you know, the rumors or shows going to be canceled. Listen, let me explain something to you before I became a comedian, before I ever thought of this at the time, but before I thought of that, I used to

Rob drug dealers, but I also was a, listen, when I started laying brick anywhere I went, even to eat pizza, fissile, brick, I looked at it and analyzed it and looked at it how it could be better. There's something about life when you're living it. Well, that was a criminal. And listen, the first time I read the article that I woke up that, uh, that Monday morning and I've seen in the Colorado paper that OJ's wife had gotten killed, I knew it was OJ.

I'm sorry. I knew it was OJ because a year earlier I read how he beat her on new years or something like that. That cop showed up beat the hell out of her. So I knew it was OJ. So I'm not going to lie to nobody. We all racially profile. When I heard about the Kardashian thing, there were two or three things

that didn't sound right. Not the uncle Joey. First of all, I would have punched her in the fucking head. That's what I don't like. She didn't take a punch to the fucking head. Something's not right there. Also, they just picked her up and put her in the bathroom. Not just that, but they tied her together with wrist, you know, the plastic,

what do you call ties and duct taped over them. Okay. Your hands are tied. Now you're duct taped over your feet too. You're telling me you got out of that? Something isn't right. We are not saying that she did or she didn't. You know, I don't want her going after us.

Not saying it, but this is coming to you from a fucking criminal. And I'll tell you when you make these kinds of mistakes, this is a mistake. This is one of those mistakes that you do when you don't think it out. You know, she went over there. It's worth 10 million. So she gets 10 million insurance money and she gets action on the stuff that got robbed. Okay.

I mean, there's just so many fucking, was her mother in the hotel? I know her friend was and they also found one of the necklaces, which is a $33,000 necklace they found on the sidewalk. So the criminals dropped it, you know, the thieves, they dropped it. So I don't know who knows, but it's amazing how you get robbed. You come back the very next day of the United States. They made $40 million. What?

It's like, what they made $40 million, what do they give a fuck? I don't have, you just said they made $40 million on that. Oh, her income is, it's, it's crazy. All right. So what's $10 million for nothing? That's why it doesn't make sense to me. It doesn't make sense. Doesn't make fucking sense to me.

So they're going to get the insurance on the diamond. I don't even know if they can get that much insurance on that. It's anyway, that's, that's not the story, but. Oh, unless they really liked it or unless they didn't want to, they really planned it out. I mean, I could be wrong too, unless they went in there. It's a great PR move. One fucking cop, one guy was at the door. You know, I mean, I can't tell anymore.

I'm just saying, I felt, I felt worried about, I can't tell anymore. But when I first heard it, how it went down, if they said they were the shot out of the foot, she was also, she was by herself. Yeah, completely. There was somebody else in there. That's what I didn't like. That's the thing I didn't like. She had a friend with her that was in a room downstairs.

They locked herself in the bathroom during this whole ordeal. That's what they said. Yeah, she had, it was another girl with her was in a downstairs or another bedroom when she heard what was going on. She just locked herself in the camera's where's the cell phone of the girl locked herself in the bathroom. Oh, she had one. She had, she, I mean, she had all, she had her minutes to call and she.

Anyway, there's just too many different variables. We don't want at the end of the day when you go food shopping. I don't wish it on anybody though. You know, I don't wish that on anybody that experience. Go ahead. Food shopping. It's just, I don't like when people. Uh, take advantage of somebody's like, it's like, if I can smack in your face

with the intelligence, like, something's not right. I don't know. I heard something today that she went after somebody for saying it. No, they're suing, they're suing. Yeah, not just saying it. Made, if I remember this, I talked to this on my podcast this week. Um, they made three posts about it. They're like a popular magazine or something.

They made three posts about it and that was enough to get them sued. They were pretty blatant posts. You know, well, you know what, man, if there's smoke, there's fire, we'll see soon, unless everybody's being nice to the Kardashians, if there's someone people, what being nice to them, if there's someone people, be nice to them. They're suing people. Why would I be nice to them? I'm just saying what I felt when I first heard it, which is she's unharmed.

There's no camera crew around. I mean, again, I don't follow her fucking career. I don't know what time the show is at. I don't know what the seasons are. I don't even know who she's married to. I heard she, she Kanye West left during a fucking concert in New York. He just stopped. Yeah.

He just stopped. So I mean, somebody gave him a pink slip and he just left. You know what, man? Where was he? She's always there at the fucking concerts. Where were the kids? Doesn't she have two fucking babies? I mean, there's just so many variables here that I thought of that minute.

But you know what? I got my own problem. I got to shoot a special. Elvis is dead. And I don't feel so good myself, as they used to say, right? Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself. So I really don't have time to break down the Angelina thing and the Brad Pitt thing.

And you know, in your mind course is over. Yeah, it's really weird how it's like sports. Sometimes you, you wish you had more time for sports, but you really don't because there's so many fucking things on your plate. Don't you think as you get older, the day gets shorter or do the day seem longer? When you're a kid, everything is slow. And when you graduate high school, everything fucking triple speed.

Right. Once you graduate high school. Yeah, it was it's over turbo time at turbo fucking time. And it moves in 10 year movements. Like you look at six years, you go, OK, I'll get I'll take care of that problem. Next thing you know, it's 10 years. This has been amazing, especially for me. It's been amazing.

It's just life life is. Yes. So far it's just been that, you know, what's that dude's name? Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa. That one ended up with the Eagles. Oh, it's a musician or singer? Musician guitar player from Detroit. Oh, geez.

Life, whatever that song is. Not Rocky Mountain High School. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Rocky Mountain High School. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the song he's saying? Life ain't that bad. Life ain't that bad.

Yeah, God, it was a name you're killing me. That Rocky Mountain High. What a song that was classic rock and roll. You just nothing like it anymore. Let me see who wrote Rocky Mountain Highly, not John Denver, but Kelly. Rocky Mountain, Rocky Mountain High was John Denver. Right. What's the song we're looking for?

Uh, the Rocky Mountain Way. That's it. That's better than the way we had it. Rocky Mountain Way. MUSIC And he had the Slaughter. Right, right. Now, what's, now, now, think of that guy.

But not the John Denver one. No, no, no. Rocky Mountain Way. That's high. That's high. Yeah, that's high. Way. Why is that high?

Because you're Harley. W.A. Joe Walls. Yeah, Joe Walls. Joe Walls. Just pressing Joe Walls. The song not Rocky Mountain Way, but the other one. Life's

Life's been good to me so far. Life's been good. Listen to the beginning of that. We click on Mm-hmm Oh shit Wednesday night This guy could play man There's a great fucking shit. Yeah, we'll close it this friendly anyway, brother I'm happy that you can make it up to the show tonight. I was happy when you called me the other day I was sitting on your phone rang or Christmas Joey. It's Joey. I'm gonna kill this call

You don't like I'll call you back Joey. What's up? And you know you bite me on and it's like normally I'm just booked man It's like I you know, I would I would have canceled something to be here with you tonight Joey You're one of my favorite people and we always get along. We always have a good time I always see on the flights and stuff. You know, I just I Don't stay for the UFC is no longer ever since I had the baby. It's tough for me to sit. It's Joey You're a dad. It's do have me to justify Yeah, for me to tell my wife and she's not gonna say nothing to me It's just me in my own personal head. I'm like it's tough for me to go

I'm gonna go do a gig with Joe on Friday and then stay Saturday I know that she likes a little yoga on Saturday You know give her an hour to go get a coffee get some shoes the baby's three and a half I don't mind watching the ticket to the park and shit. So when I go to those UFC's I get the fuck out of that sex I'm in Burbank at 730 So she could catch 9 a.m. Yoga, you know That's what you gotta. I think that's beautiful. That's what you gotta do You take care and you know what I come home and I watch the UFC. How many UC's I've been to

25 30 of them. What do I give a fuck at this point? I'm very happy. I'm content. I saw really good fighters I saw chocolate del smack the fuck out of 22,000 people You know one thing you know that any big UFC if that's show you want to go to because somebody specials fighting You know, you'll be able to go. So nice to nice to have choices, isn't it? Relax be with your child be with your lady. That's what life's all about man. It's family familiar You know, you just have to make sacrifices a couple weeks ago black Sabbath was doing their final show at the Hollywood Bowl Oh, you didn't see it. No because I got options. I got fucking things to do. I had to do this show Lee and I were in Austin, Texas

We couldn't do the podcast on Sunday night. We're both beat So Monday it had to be you know, it worked out. It was a great podcast and you know what every fucking final tour They always come around one more time. Yeah, I know they always do one that their accountants go Do you know we finally made stones are in their 70s? Aren't they? Yes, there's no round stage. Don't the last weekend and this weekend coming. That's what you're telling me. Mm-hmm The stones really playing Cuba. Yeah, holy shit. I Saw that I forgot why I saw a clip on like a documentary like a documentary and I can't believe I must been crazy

The stones are out there. They don't you know, you know, you want to say to yourself I'm getting old Then you look at the stones and then you look at I think it was Rogan posted a video of Mick Jagger Doing a workout at 70 years old. Oh, yeah Yeah, dancing workout routines and moving his hips and whatnot. That's what that's why he keeps going I took care of himself, you know, you know when I did Roger match with De Niro For an hour a day before everything for the last 30 years De Niro does an hour of jumping jacks calisthenics push-up stretches Incredible shape. I know that's unbelievable shape when you look at him and then was he was 71?

I think a grudge match. Yeah, and I remember talking to his trainer and he's been with the same trainer since The boxing movie the raging bull raging bull look at the shape you got in the raging bull Look at the shape he was in even older when he was in Cape Fear. I mean, you know, it's he's such an amazing actor You know what man? That guy I grew up on it Me too, there's no way to look past that I grew up on that man. That's a fucking weird thing to say like you grew up on that fucking dude. It's amazing Yeah, it's amazing to me too me too. Absolutely. I can think of other actors are like that once that I just respect

I grew up on Pacino. Mm-hmm. I grew up on Charles Bronson, you know when I got when I got to New York City from Cuba Charles Bronson was just done a bitch like people I don't remember the great escape and the other one with the 12 guys the one with the seven guys Oh, the Dirty does the dirty doesn't another one with the seven guys that he played one of the fucking slingers with With Steve that was Steve McQueen. That was called the magnificent seven They should all be shot in hell They should all be shot now for remaking remaking that fucking movie

I jumped on the the movie that got me that Charles Bronson made I don't know what it's in my DNA. Tell me what is it about? I'll tell you when they got mine was Hard times where he played the beer knuckle boxer. Well hard times was one of those movies with the movie that got me the first one was That's wish Because oh, yeah, that's wish the rape scene is so fucking horrific It's brutal. It's brutal as I watch that. I had to be a ten-year-old child at that time It's bro. It was brutal or it's whatever it was it was go blue

Yeah, yeah, one of the papers and that scene so when Charles Bronson started doing that even at my early Catholic Prude age. I was like, okay. I get what Charles Bronson is doing my improvement You know like let him go shoot people and I for an eye his wife died his daughter's an insane asylum An eye for a fucking eye, you know And that was the first one hard times was another one that got me so good the mechanic got me stone Killer got me whatever that so killer stone killer got me The one with the watermelons got me he did a Western called Chattos land Chattos land was one of the First ones in New York City. I remember still being a kid

That was an awesome man. You know look at the body. He had on was that like 50 we were we not talking about that last night about how with the shape he was in a 51 We did the mechanic and I'm gonna tell you something funny about Charles Bronson He lived in Malibu when I was a kid and I looked up to the point. He died. He had Alzheimer's when he died Sorry to say pretty bad but my parents house in Trancas had caught fire and they had to We had to fix it right so my dad went and stayed in this bed and breakfast in a point doom out there and He was writing my dad was writer so you just write and he was calling me goes

I just can't write it goes this guy's banging away next door all day morning noon night Just won't stop, you know with this girl, right? So he goes out who walks out of the room Charles Bronson Just not he said was non-stop. It was morning all three. It was like all day long. He was having a little affair What year was this this goes back to 19? I'm gonna say this is about 19. I Would say like 82 Yeah

Yeah, yeah, just banging away stud man And that was before Viagra. That's who you had a sling big was no such thing as Viagra There was no such thing as Viagra. You either had or you did. Yeah, you either fucking lifted with looking for Lisa He's fucking eyes Are you here the word Viagra you light up? I'm not I haven't used Viagra. I have at once Tried extends just because it was over the camera Didn't do anything. I wasn't using it for the length, but I was using it for the other that's right You had to make that disclaimer. You realize that Joey was that they wasn't using the phone

Listen, it's not the motion is the ocean Lee I thought the ocean is the motion. I just knew it didn't do that. I was using it You say I deal with He buys fucking extends Who'd you give dick to that night? Huh? Would you give dick to that night? You didn't take it home and test it on yourself. Did you know it was it was years ago? What does that have to do with the question? Just just just a girl not a girlfriend

That's it's okay to have sex with a girl who's not What you remember that? Well, I well my current girlfriend will tell you something about that, but okay, let's not get Lee in any trial No, I don't get in trouble just saying nobody listen if I know fucking Lee No, it was when I was he bought the extends and they drank them by himself No, I didn't know no, I mean he went home and had a cheeseburger No, because I talked about that will be very pie and I went to heaven. Yeah, I don't like Let's see pie is not good because it's fruit in it. So it's too not good But anyways back to the point I've talked about on the chair before that before Paula

I had a couple years. I was bigger and I had like a lot of problem I had problems getting it up when I was young when I was younger So you took so that's why I brought it because I didn't want it to happen because I was Oh, you're worried about performance syndrome. I got it. I was in the middle of a dry spell. So yeah, you're bad motherfuck Aren't you happy we found each other? Look at you now. You're bad motherfucking now. No sure not We had to be honest with the other groupies now that you're hanging out with the man You know what? I've had a girlfriend for the majority of it. So now he's been a lawyer. He sounds very loyal. I like that I like that. He's got to be a little soldier over here. He can't I can't have him running around banging

We women you don't want to you know anybody other than a boy. I don't want people knocking on the door husbands and shit Please give my wife stabbings Tommy's gonna make her a podcast I don't need that shit in my life Be attempting off buff always a pleasure. There's a fucking see you know, thanks You've got a so after this thing that your week is when is your next week of work? I go to Mexico City in three weeks and then we got the big show In New York City, so Mexico City is the first week of November. Yeah first week in November then that's RFK against

That's off out of San Jose and that's a fucking tremendous. Pardon me. I don't remember. I you know I yeah, yeah, yeah, they keep from San Diego Eddie Bravo's buddy. That kid's a tough fucking kid. Oh Yeah, but I'm sorry. I'm drawing like I'm so happy to be just like relax. I'll do my cards I'll get into it and once I get my cards and really get into the fight because it's hard for me to think three fights ahead I got to go fight by fight by fight. Yeah fight. Yeah. Yeah, I tell people people can't hit me up all the time Hey, man, I need tickets for this video. I'm like, listen, let me explain something. I'm at six weeks away

I'm not even there mentally. Mm-hmm hit me up the week up And they get insulted And talk like what are you talking about man? Listen because I don't fucking have time to call down there right now and Tell them that you want tickets on that fucking date They would hang the fucking phone up on me Of course they would so unless you want me to write your name down and for me to lose it because I'll forget this shit So this is why I'm telling you the night that I'm there the first night you call me The first afternoon I'm there you time is fucking perfectly and you call me

Don't text me call me and we'll work this out right now And they don't they don't they get pissed off at it happens all the time all the fucking time And it's like I don't want to deal with whatever's not in front of my fucking plate I don't want people come up to you just for the sake of thinking you you got tickets in your pocket I can't I go through this all the time They think I walk around with a lot of tickets because of what I do it. No I get two tickets to show I got to buy every other one It's fine

it's a It's really Cuz I had you know, it's really weird about the public's perception of things perception is reality my perception of things You know about the public when I was living in Jersey what I thought about what movie stars made you were talking before earlier about You know as you get older you make decisions It's like now, you know when I first got here you call me and say Joe I got a short sag for you base 50 a day

You're in Malibu. It's me but you my brother Tito when I shoot it. All right, I come down there You feed me you give me 50 whatever the fuck. I have a good time at least I'm doing it for you, you know But you get these fucking people call you in you shoot them movie while you're there in the sun They run out of water. They got no fucking manners. You work there for three days It's just about a paycheck. How bad do you feel about that paycheck cuz it's a fucking paycheck Okay, so now you get these jobs ever since after merge with sag. You get these fucking jobs and you can't believe that's what they're paying You look at them and go really? Yeah What what happened? Oh, no, this is what they're paying. Yeah, if you're Johnny bananas, you got a bigger fucking

Rate, right, but if you're not Johnny bananas, this is the rate they're giving you you might as well take it now Ever since I started doing the podcast they call me and I'll look at it and go no, why not? I'm not gonna kill myself because I know there's two by the ways here You kill yourself at 25 and now at 52. You don't have to kill yourself. No, no, no, no, no, no, no And I know what they want to do now now See it used to be okay guest star So guest stars a one-day guest star in the breakdown. It says one-day motherfucking guest star, right? When you book it, it's a one-day guest star plus a table read

Plus wardrobe plus travel plus travel So they got you for three days. It's supposed to be a one-day fucking guest star They always trick you for the extra two days and that money instead of being for two days is obviously for four days That's right, and that's when you're like fucking I'm not gonna go down there because it's a loss for me Well, you just look you wait out the opportunity cost of time involved that four days divided into the one-day fee It's just doesn't work. It doesn't anything with appearances, which are you know the day to travel there the day to travel back the day there Depending if it's weekday, maybe it's easier if it's weekend, you know, it's tougher It's just I don't I don't have a set fee

I my fees are based on each, you know as I'm sure yours are but and then of course you got the the movie and TV stuff that You know occasionally comes by our pathway and you take what they get, you know what they give you I get nothing in my pathway. No, do you know? Do you know what the one thing I like about doing movies and it's a working for SAG I love that friggin blue cross health insurance that SAG health insurance is like the best health insurance if you have level one Yeah, I've been with level two for fucking two years now. I can't even go to chiropractor. I can't even get active Why don't you get a little boy? Can't you get a little one because you got to work to get level one? I get a level two on just two jobs a year and fucking

And residuals from the movies. Yeah. Yeah, I was very lucky for years. I was very lucky and then in 2007 Everything slowed down, but guess what the other end of the coin because all those years when I was busy With television I wasn't people weren't fucking buying tickets and coming to see me. That's right So you have to give them that you know you have to give in this business you You have to pick your battles. Absolutely. That's the fucking way. It's not just this business every business So I'm very fortunate what I got now feeding my wife and my child. I never wanted to have a BMW I never wanted people to like my cigarettes. I don't want none of that shit anyway, right? I'm a normal fucking blue-collar Cuban boy. I love you Joey that don't fuck around

I love you. I don't want to come to your party. I don't want to see the rest of your fucking house All I want is the fucking spaghetti and meatballs. You get these people to invite yo You let me show you the rest of those. So what you say is screw my 60th birthday coming up next year Let me just have Joey over for dinner. Yeah, no, no, no, I'll come to your birthday Tell me where to sit and where the food's gonna be served and that's it But don't come to me and go did I ever show you my bedroom? I don't want to see your fucking bedroom I don't want to see your bedroom. I don't want to see it then. I don't give a fuck what you do in there I want to see your view. You have a nice video dog. I got a beautiful view. No, okay, and I'll see the dog

You got a cat. I'll see the cat, but don't show me your garage. I don't want to see a 1960 Corvette I don't give a fuck. I want to see the food. You told me there's gonna be cheese steaks here the best in town, right? That's all I want to see. Guess what? I'm gonna guard those things today And that's it. I don't want to waste time It's always good to see you bro. I'm so great to see you too. The bullshit what you hear Let me just give one shot out as usual. It's fucking Jimmy. I love it He went from Jimmy the Chris to Lee, but he's a solid dude. I'll take all three Yeah, we've been asking for you for a while. This is a joke folks. You heard me say it a couple times

I know it's leave it the last time I was on the show how long did it take me before I got his name, right? Two hours was that sick that was sick. So if I said you understand I'm playing we had a fucking good time though that man That was great. That was a lot of fun. That was a lot of fun as usual my main sponsor always there for us on it Putting it motherfucking together supplements weights vests kettlebells Weighted bats. I mean they're doing it all but the supplements was where I can help you out, okay? Whether it's alpha brain, which I always take when I fly the new mood You know what? I haven't taken a new mood in a while because I'm beyond that fucking shit Don't put me to sleep or nothing, but I love the shroom tech sport and the shroom tech immune

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I'll tell you that I'm gonna take a bun that too because I use that as testimony for me on the honor products When I play those long poker tournaments like the World Series of poker. I load up on that alpha brain I like that alpha brains very good. I like that product. You can't snort them But if you pop one and shit you drink a little milkshake something nice It's a nice attempt, but it takes a while for it to get into your system guys So if you're planning on writing a book or something this might be for you go to honor calm right now and press in church Boom church ch you are ch and get 10% off Delivered to the house. I want to thank my main man bruce buffer

I want to thank lisa yat and that said I'll see you motherfuckers in chicago. Thank you for all the love and support halloween weekend south point casino las vegas and then november 11th the night before the u.s.c. I'm at the wilbur motherfucking theta right there Boston i'm bringing lee with me. He's locked in jump up and down Look at him. He's all happy. He's talking about eating chocolate. You should like that I love you guys and a boston bomb and a boston bomb. Don't forget if you want to order uh bruce buffett doing an announcement for your wedding Bruce buffer come to your house jump out of a helicopter

Whatever you need. He'll yell and hear now whatever. He'll do the fucking buffer 360 What's the webpage? brucebuffer.com Thank you again. Have a great weekend and i'll see you cocksuckers back here monday, right? Stay black and thank you for all the love and all the support I want to thank the guy who gave me the hot wheels in new york for my daughter I keep forgetting to fucking thank you. Okay. I didn't find a note and also somebody gave me a Goody bag from Whole Foods. Thank you very much. I took the goody bag out

I took the note out and put it in my back pocket, but it must have fallen. I didn't forget it We enjoyed it. I like the salami sticks and the fucking uh, plantain chips were delicious Thank you again. Have a great weekend. Stay black be safe. Love you. Joey. Love you, too, brother This show was brought to you by Onit Go to onit.com and use code word church to save 10% on all their amazing Optimization products like alpha brain, new mood, trim tech immune and trim tech sport All right, lily i'm gonna pick it up Oh

Oh Oh Ain't never been there they tell me it's nice I live in hotels care after walls I have a conscience pay for it all They say i'm crazy, but i have a good time I'm just looking for clues at the scene of the crime Life's been good to me so long

My mother righty does 185 I lost my license now i don't drive I have a limo right in the back I like the doors in the case i'm attacked I'm making records my fans they can't wait They write me letters tell me i'm great So i've got me in all my fiscal records on the wall Just leave a message maybe i'll call

Lucky i'm sane after all i've been through Everybody say i'm cool Be cool I ain't afraid but sometimes i'll still do Life's been good to me so long Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh I know the party sometimes until four It's hard to leave when you can't find the door It's tough to handle this fortune and fame Everybody's so different i haven't changed They say i'm crazy, but it takes all my time

Oh I keep on going yes i'll never know Life's been good to me so long Oh Oh Oh