Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #423 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: October 20, 2016

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt discuss what it means to be an entrepreneur, how one of the best salesmen that Joey ever met sold tape from his garage, and how Joey formed his theories on travel from his early days on the road.   This podcast is brought to you by: Petnet.com - Go to shoppetnet.com/joey to get your Petnet SmartFeeder, plus free shipping. Texture. Go To texture.com/JOEY to get a free trial for the Texture App. The Texture App gives the use access to hundreds of magazines   Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 20% off of your first order and shipping is always free in the US and Canada   Recorded live on 10/19/2016.


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shit oh Shit Kick that muley kick that mule. We ain't got time to fuck around Lee. Go Lee Oh shit Oh Here we go Wednesday the 19th Do you think cock suckers who gives a fuck you're going for it no matter what What's the story there fuck not everything all right in your world I

Love that you said that the my bottom button is fighting and it's always oh it's stressing out right now I can never as it like I can't that's the one thing I'm looking forward to about being any skinnier is just Like I can always like the top button always works, but the further down you go And it's worse. I hate having one open when you look down after like like after a bar mitzvah or after a wedding You're dancing and you find out like your shirts all open you're sweating. Oh, they see the stomach hair shit Do you have a lot of hair? I haven't covered fucking hair. No, thank God I don't even have my fucking legs. My daughter's got hairy legs with sharks to fuck out of it Pick her up. I'm like, what the fuck is this shit?

And you don't see them they just there's little blonde tentacles of fucking hair to the curling shit it's When you I bought a shirt Like in the prime of my diet like when I was at 270 and I put it on for the baptism Oh, yeah, yeah fucking buttons were about to bust and I was never so cracked in my life Like I thought I didn't know what happened to the shirt. I thought I didn't try it on when I got it I was kind of fucking stuck and I finally said well, you know and now the shirt fits

That's awesome. Now the shirt the buttons aren't stressing the fuck out You know, but it's like when you see a woman with the with the yoga pants And she's put them to a stress test like you see the skin and you see the tattoo, but they're black pants Oh, yeah, I love those yoga traction those motherfuckers. I love yoga pants It's like everybody wears them all fucking day now women just say fuck it. We're just wearing yoga pants Which I'm not mad at you. It's kind of interesting with the nice sneakers and shit It's funny they've they've started wearing sweatshirts around their waist at the gym because guys are so creepy Like they just have to now like because it was it was it is kind of weird sometimes

Especially around here some of the gyms like they're like it looks like they're dressed for like a porn shoot at a gym Well, you go to that 24-hour fitness, which is always a fucking It's always a fucking actorville. Oh, yeah Guys, you know chicks that get dolled up with a hat with the ponytail coming out of the hat Did you ever like go? I guess hit on a girl at the gym like always here about people meeting people at the gym No, no job. We guys can't meet people at the gym. No, no, no, no, you know what I say three words at the fucking gym Do you know that three words? That's it three words There was one guy at the YMCA when I first started my mission like eight years ago

There was one guy at the fucking YMCA that was 70 something maybe 80. He looked great God bless him, but it was his social activity. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah His social activity was to get to the Y at 9 a.m. And stay there till 7 And like do a little bit of this but talk to you But he would talk to you when you were in the middle of your workout And they perceived the fucking talk to you and talk and you like listen, so it was got to the point where I got the heavy iPhones the Speakers and I put them on my ears and I just and it's the rudest thing. I was raised better than that, but I got an hour

15 minutes I got an appointment. I gotta go do something. I gotta pick somebody up. I gotta go do this You know, I got an hour and a half You know I'm saying I don't have time to stop at 15 minutes to fucking talk to you about the weather or nothing I gotta do a fucking workout. Plus I gotta jump on the elliptical But there's people who go to the gym to chit chat. It drives me fucking crazy It drives me crazy. You know, I'm getting a bag for the garage. Oh, you are you getting a bag? Oh, yeah, she won't let me go get it because she wants to get it for me for Christmas Getting the weight set like a basic weight set just to be able to my class and I couldn't fall asleep

One in the morning you bust out a little workout and shit. You're not gonna go to sleep You know take a nice shower, but at least you'll be tired and you're gonna work out late night. I used to work out Late night for years when I had my own type of shit that I could just go out to were you like doing it at the end of your Day or are you staying up? I was working at the end of my day 10 o'clock when I was your age I could you know, you still got energy at 10, right? You know when you're fucking When you're young 20 35 you could work come home take a breather and Then at 9 get motivated to fucking go hit it, which is a big motivation That's a very big motivation for a guy like me now today. It doesn't work

For maybe you or some other people a lot of people can't wake up early and go to the fucking gym and get that much Stuff thrown at it. I'm mad at you. That's just the way life is. I don't have energy to go now. Oh, yeah I don't have the fucking energy to go at 8 o'clock at night. I just don't I can't focus. I Got other shit on my mind when I go early in the morning. It's good because it breaks that It breaks that stupidity that you have all day and half at 12 o'clock, you know Right, especially if you're riding and you're sitting there and you're stuck with a fucking subject or something It's always great to get up in the middle thing go bust it out and come back take a shower We eat something get back to it for two or three hours

It's nice It's it's hard though in the like at the Like the middle of the day for me is tough Just because I feel like I can never get going like you wake up super early and start working I don't wake up until 8 8 30 sometimes So for me to like go work out at 12 like that's why I like the 9 a.m And it's tough like because a lot of times I don't want to leave in the morning to be very honest So and that's like to be honest with everyone ever since kettle bells closed

I've been kind of fucking up and I was just in the last week or so started going back and it's uh It's harder when like that's why I think that's what people like to get to and all that like I like kettle bells It's tough when you're just going by yourself. It's hard not to stay motivated. It's not motivation, but just to just to get up Just to get out of bed or leave the office or whatever. I Just know I was really heavy at one time And I know that I never want to feel that way again No, one and I never want to start over again like I never want to stop working out for a year and have to start over again at 55 I Always try to do something even when my back was hurt, you know this week weekend. I went to Chicago

We only got to work out Friday You know, but I worked out and I worked out pretty hard I gave a good fucking sweat and the shirt still in the fucking luggage. Oh my god That's things in the smell like fucking cottage cheese. It was still wet when I checked out on Sunday. So I put it in the front Okay, I just put it in the front now, but I didn't have a bag. It was right there. I was running out of the fucking door But I always try to do something the last I went to the chiropractor Monday said take off till Thursday But yesterday I walked and today I walked like a motherfucker, you know, I put my walking snow my running sneakers on There were new balances. Yeah, I just went today, you know, and I came back and I was wet and I did some

Fucking whatever things I did a couple curls couple push-ups bunch of sit-ups How many times do you think you've started over? I must have started over at least four times. No, not since it's 2000 When I started going for this exercise routine, I have not started over. I don't get that sore anymore It's unless I try something new right like a longer line you try something new you will get a little sore It's different muscle groups and whatnot. It's tough To stay motivated, but I know the other side, you know when you're in your late 20s Your mid-30s you could take a couple years off and you could survive with just doing little things and keeping an eye on your diet But when you get back into it when you're 40, it's really hard again

You know, that's why if I know what I know now, I would have never stopped I would have always kept some type of program. That's why I say something like jiu-jitsu Because you're gonna do it for the rest of your life You're gonna be doing that and mixing with other things, but that's your foundation It could be karate. It could be kung-fu. It could be whatever the fuck you want. It could be ballet It could be Pilates. You need something that you like That you know, you know like for a long time, you know the guys are there there's girls day you could talk to people It's kind of takes you away from your norm. It takes you out of your fucking norm, which if you know anything about me

I love doing right. I hate it. I love Since I was a fucking kid. I love doing different shit You can only play basketball on 38c for so long. You get to know everybody's moves. Let's take this show over the sea caucus Let's take this show at a fucking 16th Street to Gilmore. You know, I'm saying let's take this and that's how you gauge Who the fuck you are? It's tough the first couple days no matter what you do when you go outside your comfort zone But it's all so interesting and you get it out of the way you go. You know what I did it. I don't like it See, I don't find it into it like to me. It's scary For like the first month

Like you're starting a new job knew anything to me I don't I don't think I avoided in some senses. I avoid certain things like working out and other stuff But like I'll do other things that are new to me, but like I get so much anxiety about anything new. I Don't like it. It's like it. I wish I could be excited about trying something outside of my comfort zone Because I'm not at all, you know, we're two different age things here So there's a lot of things I've tried over the years like I didn't like amusement parks But I don't like I'm using posters again. I didn't like the whole fucking drama and like seeing people puke on rides I don't like no that I was always a kid that got carsick

Have you changed a lot since it since you were kid like your personality what you like what you enjoy The tough question I mean we all had to evolve a little bit and They sure like that, you know, I I taught you about the food you eat the same food you ate not As bad as the shit you ate, you know, I grew up in Jersey where I hamburger deluxe's Open steaks, you know, there was no Wendy's, you know Wendy's was the first one on Tumley Avenue McDonald's has always been around like cancer You know, I'm talking fried chickens always been around jack-in-the-box was always up in Queens

Arthur Treach's fish and chips that was like a fish and chip place I never really ate they except once when I was a kid in the Bronx or something But there was the abundance. There wasn't no fucking subway. There was no fucking J&J brothers There was no Jersey Pete's Mike's whatever the fuck it is those sandwiches. There was none of that shit, you know, I Was thinking about you today because I was Thinking about my deepest moments even when I lived in that fucking rocket ship I ain't good Like I never fucking ain't bad

Like up the corner for me was the palmers when I lived in the rocket ship The palmers had like nice Italian bread and like prosciutto and ham and how do you one of those? I never thought of fucking going to a fast-food restaurant. I never thought of getting like a Like all those years. I never thought of any of that shit. I got pizza There was a place when I was growing up the Midtown Lounge and they used to have a chef The one brother was a chef and every day he served a Fucking lunch that was superb for eight bucks seven bucks And I made it a point to go to because it was salad soup. I got all the four fucking nutrients

It was a dessert, you know, I've never been a drinker with my meals. I fucking hate drinking with my meals Right. Yeah, you know, I hate anything extra anything going in my stomach for food But I never it's like you said to me the one day. Yeah, I like trying new things Joey when it comes to food You don't like trying new things your girlfriend likes trying new things and when you want to be suave you want oh sure I'll try new thing. You don't want to try new things Food I know here. Okay. I don't like you drive past the shittiest restaurant like where you go for chicken teriyaki I'm surprised you haven't been dead yet over that. I won't go in that fucking mall. Really like that whole mall gives me the creeps Like that whole fucking strip mall gives me the creeps

Would have given me the crease and I was that yes, I didn't well cuz he It's more a lot what the way I was thinking was Just how you live your life like just I was I was talking to someone today and they and they were saying like you shouldn't Fight who you are you shouldn't like for me like what I've been struggling with a lot recently is Part of me wants to be an entrepreneur like I like it but part of me also I'm not sure if I'm cut out for it to be honest and it's not like it's not this but just like running a business and They were saying like I was talking to them and they're like, oh, I ran a business for a while

but I Thrive as part of a team and part of what I've been Going back and forth with is Like would I be like what should like what should I do like should I join a team like you said one someone help someone Grow a podcast or should I do something on my own and Part of me wants to the challenge of doing it myself a part of me isn't sure if I can do it. Okay, here. It's playing. It's fucking simple Okay

20 years ago 10 years ago. I would see you know what Lee go get yourself a kid your age and You know, okay, so you go get you go get part of a team Okay, first of what team do you want to be a part? I don't know. Okay right now? I know maybe Three people four people who know as much as you has produced some podcasts one of them is red man You know, Jamie. Yeah, Vicky pezza. You know, we have a lot of people that have been doing this since day one. Okay So now that's some options for you there

You open up this business or whatever the fuck you want to do now at the other part Let's say you do find of a team like all these other podcast groups that are going on there popping up The difference between you and I and Joe Rogan and Harry We do the podcast I love coming here. Oh, yeah, it's a me. I wish I could come here five fucking days a week Instead of going on the road. I just couldn't support my family five fucking days a week So I need to go on the road and I and I love doing this But we have it down to two days a week right now and it's the law of diminishing returns It's I just want to do this for a while. So I don't want to

over Saturate myself and starting six podcast and trying to be a part of everybody's fire. I'm happy just doing this with you You're experienced Let's say you join up with somebody who's been doing it for two years and I did radio for 18 years or radios dead Radios dead get rid of that fucking voice radios dead. Okay. This is podcast And I want you to put your emotions which a lot of people don't do they still think this is radio And that's why that podcast doesn't thrive as well because they still think this is radio So you have two options you could go with some people who are not as experienced as you and you got split the money up the same fucking juice

Okay, are you gonna feel about that? That's number one number two do I Think the idea is that you have Should be you and as time goes on you gonna hire somebody who in turn You're gonna make to be a miniature you and They understand the fucking what's going on here But I can see them. What's it the same intrapanum means I was doing paperwork today Lee I was making copies and filing and stapling and

I enjoyed it. You know, I was doing it for the podcast I was getting Ios and doing this and you got to open up your calendar and mark where it goes now I could take somebody and pay them 12 15 bucks an hour to do that But you know what I wouldn't be I wouldn't know what was going on. I Want to know what's going on and that's a problem with me I always want to know what's going on everybody who fails is because they spread themselves out to thin and They don't have control of two or three things and meanwhile when you go there That's they get an $800 mics instead of $300 mics and they're drinking fucking $22 water

Instead of regular water and they got the extreme. I'm saying like little fucking things that they wouldn't understand because they're not paying for it Right, you know, there's little fucking things along the line. So these are the decisions you have to do This is why I never spread myself thing Because I want to know always know what the right hand and the left hand to do it You want to call me a control freak call me what the fuck you want? But show me a guy who's got fucking 19 things going on that could look at all of them that could oversee all of them And the only way you learn that is by losing it when you think you could do everything IE I could do this I get on a plane come back shoot a movie

I got to have a blog on Monday. I told Timmy that I'll do his podcast. I told this guy do his podcast I told I knew your calendar is unbearable, right? Oh, yeah, no control nothing. That's the law of diminishing returns You don't know what you're saying on these fucking podcast You don't know what you're saying on stage anymore. So this is what I did from 2003 To my 2000 to 2005. This is how I was living. Okay, you follow me and I got my lumps. I made some enemies Okay, because I couldn't cover all these dates. I couldn't do this guy's movie and do this I Couldn't do a thousand things. So now I stop I take a deep breath and I think And I think a couple things. How's this gonna affect my life right now?

What's affect my life do I want to stay out of the house for four fucking days shooting your stupid movie Marina Del Rey? For $100 a day from towards my insurance not fucking really, right? No, you know, there's a thousand options in my life now As you go along with your life Your options become less because you have more responsibility Are you with me? Yeah, right now? Let me tell you something right now You're 28 years old if I came to you right now and said listen, I got a carnival cruise line You want to ship for three months of fucking time, but you're gonna do podcast on the fucking ship We're gonna pay you 60,000 for five and three months

You could do it. Oh, yeah, of course. You could give a Paula a big hug Big fucking hug give it three dumplings and say I'll see you in three months dog And guess what you're only gonna be home for a week when you come back And you're gonna go out again And these are the responsibilities these are the things these decisions that you make as a young man That caves your career caves your life Because you think there's something at home. There's a lot of things I had no responsibilities I didn't leave north bergen, new jersey

Because since day one I was quest at the head west Once my mother died And I saw where my life was going. I had nothing holding me there a girl When I give a fuck or girl Between a girl and a life you got to pick your life, right? Oh, yeah girl always be there. I love to go in Boston Yeah, absolutely. You know, it's kind of weird all these things. So right now

If somebody comes to me and says, hey, we want you to go to south africa for six months and do comedy We'll pay you all big amounts of money, but you can't come home for six months. I can't do that I can't do that I'm trying to raise a kid and have a wife and have a family. That's more important to me than fucking anything I Could always make a living dog I could always make a living Do you think I became right now what I do? I'm an entrepreneur

For the last 26 years, I could look you in the face and say I'm a fucking entrepreneur Did I ever tell anybody I was an entrepreneur? No Did I ever get a business card and go to dinners with my fucking stupid friends? And say I'm an entrepreneur whatever the fuck the word is no Because I just did it And I and I got better and I failed along the way. You got to keep paperwork. You got to do this You're gonna be a good comic. You got to write you got to write your dates down And uh, you know if you want to be a good plumber

If I say to you tomorrow, I'm gonna hire you as a plumber lead. You know what joey? I'm gonna work with joey joey Isn't rich He he doesn't struggle though. He's got a wife two kids That both in private school Joey doesn't go out for expensive dinners every night, but he's got a nice plumbing business You know what mom will learn to be a plumber. Okay, first thing you're gonna do is you're gonna get a notebook Because every day at the end of the year now, you don't you won't know this to you in for two years. I'm telling you now You're gonna get a notebook and every day you're gonna write down what you learned with the date who you worked with what tools you learned

So you you get everything you do remember when you're a plumbing electrician construction guy Then basically paying paying you to solve problems Okay, every day what's a plumber doing installs toilets He can just come up and do 10 toilets a day don't work that way Because each situation is going to be fucking different. Uh-huh. This one's going to need ladders to carry the toilet The toilet don't fit through the fucking door The old pipe was in there. There's always a by the way, right? Yeah, you don't get paid for installing toilets You get paid to deal with the by the way is whether you're an electrician

Concrete whatever the fuck you're doing. There's always a by the way It a job just does not go smooth see like there's that life your experience is what helps that job move along Oh, I know what to do cut that piece of wall off. There's an existing wall in there and also you sit there You go, what the fuck does this guy know? He's been doing it for 20 years He knows every wire in these fucking walls It's the same thing in any fucking career, you know, I didn't know this when I became an electrician that I write this shit down I started writing it down after a year What pipes I bent, you know, how thick the pipes were just stupid shit

And what do you and you would like go over it at night or what would you do? When I go over it at night, yeah, we go over it at night I go over it at the end of the week But that goes back to grammar school When I sit you down and we talk about the world or the the world 19 whatever or the Holocaust What happened as the teacher talking about it, you're writing notes And when you go home that night, what do you do if you're not not me? I didn't do this I'm sure you did you're a nice kid. You go look over those notes And every night you look over those notes for half hour 20 minutes. So guess what when finals comes

You're a bad motherfucker. You know this stuff already. See I fucked up And uh, we all fucked up. I believe this is this is what I'm saying to you. We've all fucked up in that department I didn't I had and it sounds like um, it sounds weird and I think I've talked about it before Me knowing that I was kind of smart. I was smart enough not to study Fuck me up. I wish I never knew that because I never I never would go over my notes and I would never almost take notes Unless like I was interested or like it was a class that I was terrible in

I would take notes, but English history My last English class I took in college didn't read one of the books I would listen to what everyone else was saying. I would say I know a lot of people do that I know that's not a new thing in in school But that's why It's hard. Uh, that's why I've been Stressing about being an entrepreneur because I feel like that work ethic My work ethic is there when I'm working for somebody when I'm working at like CVS

Like that's a manual I can I can do it. But for for me, you have great work ethic, but it's your organizational skills Blows and it takes you too long to get up and get out. Uh-huh. That's that that'll always kill you get up Get out that bob molly said that 22 years ago Go out before you're right. What I get up get up whatever the fuck it is right and that's A problem not with me. I don't really give a fuck but everybody I've seen that doesn't have the ability to rock roll in the morning That's not a good ability. I want you to be able to rock roll the drop of that I want you to be able to fucking, you know, sometimes we oversleep It's that guy that wakes up and goes I got this

I'm overslept but watch me put this together with 15 fucking minutes Oh, yeah, so It takes you quick to get up in the morning You know, I know you get up at four sometimes and you hit the computer And you look at numbers and different things which that's a great quality. That's that listen. That's what that's what I'm saying You want to be an entrepreneur? Go for it. Lee you have all the fucking tools You have all the fucking tools

There's nothing to sweat here As long as you do the work Before you go into it. I want you to make a checklist I want you to really know the work you're getting yourself into so you could tell everybody else What you're doing so everybody understands your schedule And go for it The most important thing in any of this shit is go for it You know, you learn the most after a failure

You know, I sit here with you now and I talk about this thing with school One of my fucking biggest failures when I got left back because I didn't get on the back because I was stupid I gotta live back because I got lazy right. Yeah. Yeah, but I thought I could beat the system You're not gonna beat the system. I'm glad I got that lesson handed to me. I had the same prom you had But something else came out of me when I got left back. I learned something. I learned how hard I wasn't as intelligent as you. I know right now today I am my wife talk. I'm not intelligent I hear Joe Rogan speak and Ari and all you guys are really really really college educated

My smarts isn't in that department I have a different type of smarts. Okay, and along the way it's built up Just smart where you guys are at from reading books and Going online and talking to people and asking questions on a particular topic that you're interested in, you know I mean, I'm not Book smart like a lot of you guys, but I know one thing I could be Because I'll take the same book you're fucking reading. I'll break that motherfucker down into chunks And I pull out of that book what I need to know what's important out of that book and that's what I know how to do

Oh And I'll get it down word to fucking word like after I got left back was where I learned to review My schoolwork every night Even after my mother died that year in high school I had like an hour when you get home when everybody's everybody's shot running shit. I would look over tomorrow's work Before I went out and did the hits I asked that I talked about and smoked the 22 joints with the avilos and all those That savages behind the shed. I looked over my work. You know why? Because those guys were book smart and Steve Avila was book smart

Loops was really book smart MIT Glencanti was men's amends fernie was men's amends, but I always had some and I learned it after I got left back But I was a hard worker That was a hard worker, but I knew how to organize And I listened to that fucking teacher I listened to what was important to her I got to learn what was important to her and that's what I excelled in And that's how you get a haze and beach

Yeah, yeah, well, what do you mean important to her like what she emphasized? You know when something's important to somebody When I make you go through pages and I go don't worry about that worry about this That's important to her. She's gonna say different things in her speech That are important to her Now, do you know what quality you're learning there when you listen to her and you're trying to figure this out salesmanship Because you're listening to their needs. It's the same fucking dangly You take their needs and you blast it against them

So what are you doing with her? You know what she's gonna ask you on the fucking quiz what she's been talking about What's important to her? And you get to know what's important to her and you get to know down to the fucking tea And you get great grades. I'm not saying I was a fucking five beta kappa But for the amount of drugs I was doing with no supervision and shit. I didn't do a bad fucking job I didn't quit school. I wasn't forced to quit school because I was stupid I quit school because I was stupid I didn't think about the future but now I'm thinking about I should have quit two years early

If I knew what I'm not doing now, I would have quit two fucking years early Jesus because I kind of got my gd and still got to college Right. Yeah, what's the fucking difference? No, what's the fucking difference? So you're 16 now you're fucking quit You get a job with your father for two fucking years you put away money You get your gd when you're 18 you go to the community college and after two years you transfer into a major fucking college How's that one for you? They'll give you more of an odd because you had a problem how to quit you make up some fucking story

That your foot went bad. You got you stepped on a fucking grenade or something icesville. Whatever the fuck you're gonna tell him and uh It's so weird how all these things I say to you like The organization I didn't know nothing about this shit Lee you learned this along the way Yeah, but Was it hard for you to break bad habits because that's what it's you know, it breaks bad habits two things losing money breaks bad habits and losing things Like if you come to me and I don't have the paperwork on you

Like the first year I did the podcast I would always get mad because I would always read the fucking things three times a week But I never bothered to look at the io's right I never bothered to look at the dates on them. I just taken for granted There was two or three times a month and then I get pissed off when they pay me for one time I go, well, what about look at the io? Oh I never took the time to look for io. So what happened? I lost money That's how you learn you learn by getting kicked in the fucking ass

But but at that time at that point sometimes it's too late Like that's that's like everyone always says you learn from failures That doesn't help someone who's like not not not mad at you, but everyone says it Like everyone says that as as you're getting into an entrepreneurial thing, you know, like I don't want fail Stop saying entrepreneur. Whatever the word is starting up is this stop saying that bullshit fucking american word That just makes you stand out like a fucking momo. I'm an entrepreneur. You go fuck your mother We're all do everywhere. Somebody's gotta be helping us Right, you know what I'm saying? So

You want to go into business for yourself, right? Yeah, see you just gotta step up to the fucking pump I've been in business for myself for 30 fucking years 25 doing comedy. Well, let's just say 25 Right. Well, okay. So just for your thing since you said you you uh Going back and forth when you were starting comedy like before you really jumped into it Do you think that time period was your not being sure like being nervous about jumping into Okay, I was talking to Tommy Easter today my brother Tommy Easter And we're talking about a delicate subject about him getting a job and why it's important And I explained to him when I moved to you. I thought I was Johnny bananas too

And I eventually got a job, you know, people say oh artists don't get jobs. That's great That's fucking great. Not when you got a coke having and you got child support And you're fucking trying to live on people's couches and you want to buy a pair of pants and fucking Ross You know, when you want to do all these things you need a fucking job Right. Okay, right now if I took Tommy east on the road Four times a fucking month. What would he make? What would he make if I play if I paid for the plane ticket he'd make 200 dollars a week at the club If I threw him an extra hundred it cost him fucking they got he get you get a

300 a week that's 1200 a fucking month. He's gonna eat 150 while he's on on the road You know what I'm saying? So you can't make a living you can't live on 12 You can't make a living you can't make a lot unless you come back and you got $100 gigs during the week because you have to Store the improv you see what they give you at the improv a $7 bill They give you a five and two singles at the fucking lat county So they give you 15 bucks and at the last factor they give you 25, but you get to check every fucking two weeks So let's say you do four spots that means you pick up a hundred fucking dollars. Okay You can't make a living right now at this situation. You can't get ahead. You can't put away money

So I told Michael go to one of those telemarketing places. They pay 15 bucks an hour on sunset Inbound fucking calls people put ads out in the paper Whatever and you call this fucking number for a couch or you know when you call the sleepmatic bed You don't watch tv and they have the sleepmatic bed, right? Yeah, all this right now in the next 20 seconds What do you think you call uncle joey? Hi, how are you? I'm a sleepmatic professional. I'm some fucking junkie who can't sleep at night That's gonna answer the phone for fucking 12 50 an hour and try to sell you a fucking bed So I explained to him that there's no stigma in this

That right now at this point in his life. He's living in a van How long he would have to go on the road for three months and not spend the dime to get into a fucking apartment Not spend the dime to get to an apartment in this town And like I told him I go, you know get into a Taj Mahal. What you're gonna do is get a job This is a plan and this is the same plan I had my plan was cut short when my vehicle was towed You understand me? So now I had to think a little quick. I thank god I had people like Ralphie May and josh wolf that I could sleep on their couch. I always drew him a couple bucks I almost how I always helped them out you show up with a little fucking weed

And everybody helps each other out But I moved in with Gavin And I had to give Gavin rent money and it was a couch I had that because it was a couch in a shower It wasn't the best sleep in the world. I didn't sleep comfortable wasn't great for my lumbar But the fucking options were the street So it makes your lumbar wakes up fucking perfect. You wake up and tip top magoo shape and shit. Yeah Well, this is couch or street and then after that you get a roommate situation

And then after that you meet a girl and you you date and you have a roommate situation You move in together and you save money and all along the way You're making little fucking strides, but you don't even know it You know like I told them I go if you stay out there one more year you're gonna go home You're gonna go home you're gonna only live in a fucking car for so long Before it starts about the year, you know, nobody wants to hire you You pull it up in your fucking apartment It smells like a shoe in there, you know, there's vomit

There's food and I'm not saying nothing bad about Tommy. I lived in that car also I lived in my car. So I'm speaking from fucking experience here so There's things that you don't want to do But you learn how to adjust You're gonna learn along the way Lee But for you to always want to fall

With somebody a part of a team. What team are you fucking talking about? What team are you experiencing? What team do you know? That you want to be a part of three white dudes that think they're all geniuses And they haven't done deck right they haven't done deck They haven't done deck you've been here since day one you came to me for fucking three months ago You can't use this on your own my guys You should really start your own podcast. You've been here since day one nine offices 18 different conglomerations computers wiring cds

Boxes live podcast podcast of the coffee shop You want to name a fucking few so all these things? They haven't done all these fucking things So what are you gonna say to you at a meeting when you're sitting there Stuttering and sweating and all red from the fucking head. They're talking nonsense They don't know what the fuck they're talking about how long will that last what team are you a part of? Right, but then then that's what i'm worried about though is like i'm not a good salesman I'm not that's not my strength. You're a jew. It's in your fucking dna

You just gotta wake it up remember you said you went to israel right the people there would be Tremendous salesmen here that they didn't stop in the street. Tell them what they did to you. They took your wallet They take your idea. Yeah, they took your wallet. They don't they don't stop You know what man that type of persistence is The persistence you need to succeed If you really think about it like i'm i need to eat today. This motherfucker is coming in here with money in his pocket and i'm getting Think of that mindset

Because that's a mindset you have when you sell cars or vacuums If you're gonna be really fucking successful Okay, i learned when i worked in boulder. Okay when i learned This is a great story because The guys are fucking animal When i worked in boulder, i worked a pure fucking sales machines Normal led carlos roberti these guys could sell you anything It could be a refrigerator a computer

I saw it Morty saddler. He's a frontier hondon and he's a general manager That guy could sell you anything To anybody to anybody bump you Make you believe you're paying nothing. He's not making a profit Then the way back to the tower. He's like go do your paperwork. You're getting $500 for this plus to five Split it with me for 250 and you're like, I thought you didn't make no money on this. That's how good these guys are Okay, but there was a guy by the name of rick visor

Didn't say much white dude hair on the side buck teeth six for four two daughters Was an engineer or something An architect who lost his job at IBM one of those fucking heartbreak stories from 30 years ago. Jesus. Yeah all those computer plants closed down He became a suburb car salesman But he was different he

Wouldn't beat people up He was a gentleman. He would talk to them. He would take their information their phone number and mallon stuff and brochures and He had a different way of selling you Okay, normulet is gone. He's probably fucking 80 and it would have back in the car was about where he's probably getting out of jail I'm sitting here with you right now talking shit You know what rick visor's doing? What? He's still selling suburbers. He works by appointment only Two days a week. He's a painter

He paints pictures and sells them And he probably makes 300 000 a year selling cars selling cars While everybody else is making 150 Working like a dog rick visor works two days a week by appointment only flyer and suburb So people call him when they just want to re-up their secret. He treated you Like you've never been treated before once rick visor took your name down You went through an array of systems

When nobody was using the computer he was using the computer you got birthday stuff Christmas cards sent to you your daughter's birthdays. He knew everything about you He he just didn't sell you one car He was gonna sell you cars your kid car Your daughter a car her boyfriend. I mean, it's amazing I look at that and I think about that all the time Right. Yeah, okay how

these other guys were great salesmen in their own right But they were only a part of the small picture You know when these guys went to lunch and had a drink rick visor was filling up postcards You know rick visor would come in at 7 30 when everybody came in at 9 because he talked to the service customers Okay, what is this crazy, you know saying dog so

He worked smarter Okay, all the way through Because while he where you got him for $5,000 and you robbed the poor bastard of his car You're never gonna sell him into the car rick visor's gonna sell that guy 30 fucking cars in his lifetime And he'll just call him and make an appointment But you know why he wasn't a great salesman He was great with paperwork and follow-up

And he wasn't scared to call you That's a good point. So you don't have to be like the prototypical anything you just have to find a way to make it work for you That's a good way to make it work for you Everybody's different I don't ever want you know what happens when you're part of a team It gives you a little competition. You know what competition is great for you But sometimes it's bad for you at a certain age I don't want to worry about what he's doing. The only person I worry about is what Joey Diaz is doing, right?

That's it. And and if you worry about what Joey Diaz is doing Like if I worry about it I could see I'll make strides With my life, do you know what I'm saying? Like I could see the strides when I first moved here Jesus christ this guy got a deal This guy got that this guy got that I was always thinking about what I wasn't getting Yeah, and I was thinking about these guys where they were getting when I stopped thinking about what they were getting Then I started getting stuff

Did you have to stop this word you keep throwing at me entrepreneur right is about state of mind And work and sticking to it Consistency, yeah, that's that's where I have issues that is the number one thing That will always kill you That if I watched all the great comics that I came up with They were always very consistent when I was inconsistent. I didn't have anything going on for myself All the comics that were consistent They work forever they do this forever

If I tell you I'm gonna do something every monday at eight We do it You know There's a lot of times I don't feel like my wife was sick tonight. We couldn't have done this tonight We could have came tomorrow friday. Who gives a shit nightly just a podcast And then when it fails You're mad at the podcast business, right? You know saying oh, it's a podcast business. It's a fucking racket. No, you didn't put your time

Into it. You went away from consistency is everything I have a big problem. I'm too consistent How can you be too consistent too consistent? I really don't give a fuck what plans you have Yeah, I really don't give a fuck about your plans When I came to Los Angeles, I knew I was going into a major league And I could look you straight in the face and I could say on this goddamn podcast I didn't become a major league fucking comedian until six years ago I can't imagine how unmajor league I was

When I first fucking got here But I did something I stuck to my guns on one thing and that's one thing I stuck to my until today I do what I do and I do it And that's it. I don't give a fuck about what your problem is. I don't give a fuck about what your situation is I don't give a fuck about what you want to do. I don't give a fuck about your movie I don't give a fuck about anything. I always that was the greatest quality I had Not giving a fuck. No when I get up in the morning. I have a schedule And unless I don't break that fucking schedule

I don't break it I don't give a fuck You know people offer me shit all the time now, but it's tuesday in new york and I got to do a podcast I don't give a fuck You know, I got into comedy part of it not to have to go to weddings And stupidity on the weekends That's 60 percent

60 percent of all I got No, because I I wanted to be busy. I didn't want to have time for fucking stupidity in my life. Right. Yeah Oh, what I thought was stupidity for somebody else going to weddings It's probably a lot of fun. You know what I'm saying? You ready for another dorsally? It's that type of night. I'm gonna say it doesn't look like I have a choice. This is bleeding t.hc right now Consistency is so fucking important so fucking important it it kills you And I saw it kill people in comedy and that's what made me even more consistent How did it kill people? I like how they're being inconsistent kill people

Right now. I got a bad back And for the last three weeks, I've had a bad back And I can't go to jiu-jitsu. It makes me very inconsistent But it's a true injury that I have. You know, I'm also thinking if I was your age, I'd be down there With nothing going on. I'd be down there right now. I think of the baby. I think I'm on stage I can't go on stage. Fuck them walking on crooked because I'm a bad back Because I want to go to jiu-jitsu or do kettlebells or do deadlifts or whatever the fuck I won't eat you for me is all these fucking things

You have responsibilities. I sat here over the years and watched different comedians and watched different people who said they were writers And I and I watched their bud-wah lifestyle And I would go I wouldn't do that move But that's just me. I would never repeat to them that I wouldn't do it. What were they doing? In this whole six weeks of fucking going on the road and stuff I grain I gained three pounds Nice, that's it. That was really good. I was really impressed with that when I went to the doctor that morning And he goes you're 303. I was like what? What the shit I went to New York the Cuban steak sandwich and everything

But I didn't eat sweets like I just didn't eat sweets. Okay. Okay, and I stayed pretty consistent Anyway, you were walking and I was walking. I always do something. I'm always doing fucking something But With a diet people always go out of diet didn't work me. But now you didn't let the fucking diet work for you You know weight watches is fucking a great diet. I don't give a fuck what people type It took a hundred pounds off me that shit like that one egg with an English muffin With two pieces of bacon and water, you know, all that shit It taught me that I didn't need french fries. It taught me that I didn't need chips

You know that you didn't have them you have a point system If you stick to this fucking point system the shit will fall off It took about four weeks for chunks to start falling off. You know what I'm saying? So I could see where people get discouraged right now. Yeah, but the same thing happens with company When you you have different parts of your career And there's different things going on when there's different parts of your career like Tommy Easter Tommy Easter will be busy as fuck From sunday to thursdays

But friday and saturdays becomes a different town. It's a showcase town So at that level you're really not busy unless you're a feature act and you're opening up for somebody and fucking nice house You understand what I'm talking about even at the improv. They have three man acts So it's kind of rough when you live in seattle or michigan or dc When you're an open mic or you have all this work during the week, but on fridays and saturdays prime nights, you're open You can get a job bartending and then once you start getting weekend work You get rid of that work. So pretty much during the week you work for free and on the weekends you get paid for your fucking work Oh god, so you would just bartend on the weekends. I wouldn't bartend that I'm just saying you would I didn't know even to get a job

But not to get a job. That's how stupid I was But if you think now in hindsight every level along the way and then it came a point Where I was just working weekends And during the week, yeah, you picked up one night for a buck and a quarter or 75 bucks or 65 bucks or whatever the fucking is And that all adds into your monthly fucking spew, you know Absolutely. Yeah, it's tough. How do you listen when you were talking about being scared here I mean the biggest fear the reason why guys like me and other guys Okay, so let's say tomorrow. I want to sell real estate

Okay, right. Yeah now for the last six years. I've been uh Let's give me a fake occupation. I've been selling reefer At that health at that medical marijuana store I get 12 bucks an hour. I work full time You know, I'm single I smoke dope I go to the gym. I go to concerts shit like that Right, okay now comes one day that my mom at one of those stupid holidays sits me down and gives me an idea of beating Joey, you're not a kid no more. You gotta think of something serious Why don't you go sell real estate with your cousin Lee?

Now, what do you think happens when you sell real estate the first six months? Not much. You're probably so you're Now when you sell real estate, which means you go to work for yourself, right? Yeah, which means you're uh, Entrapanua, whatever the fucking word is Correct. Yeah, it's the same thing. Mm-hmm now with those jobs. They give you like a base salary Like 500 a month during training for six months You know 500 a month does for you nothing those are those lunches gasoline and your dry cleaning bill. Yeah. Oh, yeah So how are you gonna make a living?

You have to do some else. Yeah do something else or you got to sell bitch Oh, yeah, so what happens you get your license? After the first month you fuck around how many people you know? Tomorrow check the stats on real estate licenses. Yeah. Oh, yeah Compete to how many people are really fucking selling real estate It's crazy. Everybody's got a real estate license Right. Let me fucking moron with a four or four door car and a nice suit itself fucking real estate I'm not calling you a moron. I'm just telling you that's how simple it is. Right because I know a thousand people are real estate licenses

But the people actually do it what happens when you get a real estate license. Okay, you go to work for smith and smith selling homes Your show three or four homes It doesn't work out. It's a long it's a 90 day fucking paperwork You gotta do paperwork nobody just comes in and goes i'll buy this house today Here's an envelope full of cash Right. Yeah the next day you get a fucking commission has to go through banks and So even if you start selling right off the fucking bat Like let's say now you're moving with paula

And paulus gets an attorney job and off the batch you make 60 grand a year You tell paula paula listen when we started dating And you were going to law school. I was paying for all those cheeseburgers and shit Now you gotta take care of lee I gotta take care of lee so for a year lee you're gonna go out every day You know, if you don't sell them for two months, what are you gonna do? You're gonna get a fucking job And then you're gonna get that job until it takes over your real estate And then you're never gonna sell real estate again and you're gonna have the excuse that

For what a fucking 10 people I have six out of 10 people. I was too hard Nobody's buying. No, you didn't you didn't rick viscer You didn't aid dedicate yourself to it You know, the reason why comedians get an outside job Was because I didn't dedicate myself to it, you know that much like that But there's only so much you could do in the beginning You know, he's been doing comedy for what four years. He said tommy. I think it's like two years Yeah, I was doing comedy for six years here

You know, I'm not that late when I got here. I was doing comedy for maybe five six seven years six years Okay, when I basically got here I was lost But I booked commercials and that's why I told Tommy Easter today He'll get yourself a headshot for buck 50 And go and they'll they'll take any lee if you walked in with a headshot tomorrow That's halfway decent and said you do stand-up comedy Any of these agents in the valley will take you as a commercial client Really? Yep

They have nothing to lose You're non-union They have nothing to lose Yeah, why not But now let's say you go to three auditions and you don't get something fuck this sucks And you got a job paying houses and I come up to you go. How was the commercial audition now? You know what I did I went to commercial classes I never really took a commercial acting class. I'm lying to you, but I took acting classes

After I went to a couple of them and failed I went to an acting class and got serious about it And that's why I started making money Yeah, you know So how do you because I it was really interesting a few minutes ago when you're saying make it work for you So how do you make like acting work for you? Okay, if you're if you're 26 27 right now and you live in this fucking town, right? There's a lot of work for you. Okay, and if you're non-union, there's a lot of work for you Okay, because they're shooting a lot of non-union shit

That kid from the ice house the bald-headed kid With the dog that we see walking around and lives across the street there. He's on fire right now He hasn't stopped working. He shot masters of the universe something else Something else something else right now. There's a lot of work from There's a lot of work for that age bracket. You know, that's an interesting age bracket You know, how many mafia movies they make a year Two how many times they're gonna call me to be a garbage man or something like that then I'm really Unless somebody sees me as a co-star or somebody's fucking psychic. I get dick

But a good looking 28, you know with a nice body and shit right now you're getting work, brother, you know, so you got two options You could either be one of those fucking morons That goes to the standard every night and talks about his scenes Or you could be the guy that stays in every night It goes over movies And goes to acting class once a week or twice a week and learns his trade And just learns how to fucking work. Okay. How do you get to work, Lee?

I drive no you fucking Momo. How do you get to work? How do you get things in motion? Okay? Oh Okay, how do you get things in motion? There's no motion going on in your life right now, right? You know what? I think I want to do podcasts You find out you come up to the comedy store. You come up to Joey Diaz and you go, hey, man You think I can come in and sit down with you guys one day? I mean, I'm gonna say no, you're a fucking lunatic But you never know you never know who you speak to, you know cash is Morris You may talk to Tom Segur. You may talk to somebody. Okay. And what do you do? You come in here for a few weeks

And you shut up and then we like you and you go listen. What if I brought a fucking $20 bag of weed guys mind if I come here and Monday's and Wednesday's to sit here with you And eventually one day you're gonna say something funny. We're gonna give you a mic Then you're gonna keep coming you're gonna keep coming You're gonna keep saying funny as shit You learn when to talk and when not to talk You're not gonna be obnoxious and you know what one day we're gonna go just sit in

And there you have it and after six months nine months Somebody comes to you and go don't We're gonna give you like fucking 300 a week to come in here twice a week And all of a sudden you made yourself part of something right Do you know what I'm saying? Like I learned if you want a job When I was your age or if I wanted a job in construction You went out and said let me work for free for a day If you don't like how I work don't pay me and don't hire me. I'll go home. My feelings won't be hurt

And you work some people do it for a fucking week Fuck that not a lot of people How many how many fucking if you let this town intern you to death right how many fucking Places do you think I guarantee there's places here that'll make you work like a fucking slave And call you a fucking intern. Yeah, that's the whole you know, I'm fucking not lying. No, that's the whole point That's the whole fuck and they'll do it with no future Like there's no way I'm giving you a job right not even in the budget You'll never be in the budget right

But don't make you come in here and just do it. You know what but there's a way you get a job at that place If you work harder than the other guy if you do more in that fucking mode you pick a guy in that office and go You know what I ain't this guy ain't this guy ain't this guy, but I can fuck this motherfucker up right here Watch me go to work, bitch Then you earn a job Yeah, I mean you have to be Good, but I like what I just meant like Fuck that's never mind. I was high for a second. That's that's fucked up working for free though. I don't like when you

Do what do you do you think people will still do that? Fuck yeah, especially this industry Especially this fucking is I worked on movies where the fucking camera guys should have free the the helpers That's true learning the fucking trade learning and you look at and go Jesus Christ But they love it If this is what you want to do If you want to be that director if you want to be that type lighting guy if you want to be that type that top editor Obviously, that's what you got to fucking do it

Because if that's a desire you have You'll do it Right. Yeah. I mean when I came here, I was working for free all over the place But that but then it's hard for my like my type of personality going back to making it work for you I I don't I would get nervous about going to the places where I work for free and now asking for money Like it's like that's a fucked up situation to be in Well before you do it There also has to be

There's ways to do it I mean there's ways to do it And there's ways to come into a place. I use the podcast places like a radio place I do a lot of guys that got into radio by just showing up at a radio station somebody inviting them in And then going and sitting and sitting and sitting and one day while i'm talking They write something on a piece of paper and give it to you And another week they write something again. That's pretty interesting what this guy writes on a piece of paper and eventually Boom, you know, john cutler is a friend of mine. Uh-huh him and Amy on facebook and twitter john sends me messages and shit

Sometimes when he sends him from his hotmail they go directly sends him from this fucking phone number. They go through uh That shit Yeah, no when when you send the fucking thing to my email From a phone number. Oh, right. Right. It goes into junk with some shit. So I don't see him till like a year later But it's funny. He told me a story about how he met jerry garcia from the grateful dad That he went to see a gig and he saw jerry walk and he goes hey this thing that you have didn't sound right tonight Because it didn't he goes, yeah, come on. Let's go take a look at

It's like if I bump into you down the street or you listen to the podcast and I something's wrong with the volume And I go, let's go take a look at it All of a sudden debut came france You know, he started showing up and tuning his guitars and blah blah blah blah blah And one fucking day he's uh, he I think he's a producer and touch of gray or something holy shit Yeah, just being being there because that that's the problem with a lot of job Uh postings online. You always hear people like I don't even think my my resume is getting seen So like that's if you're if you're there, we've talked about it before but that's the issue

It's uh, you have to create opportunities for yourself and I haven't answered your question I have not answered your question about the You have what it takes lead to go out there and start this podcasting It's gonna be a little sacrifice. It's gonna be a little bit of work, you know But you could pull this off The idea we discussed I think this could franchise Like as dumb as I've been at listen

Okay, we were talking about something a while ago 20 years ago When we were talking about boston market, right? Yeah, the lines around boston market There was 3 000 boston markets, correct? Yeah, I don't know what the amount was i'm uh, Exaggerating And all of a sudden after the chicken crazy after the chicken after the $14 chicken frenzy went over Because pretty soon supermarkets were like $14 for a chicken We'll sell these motherfuckers for six and that was the end of boston market people said no more about boston market with $14 Because at first what the market would hit you and everybody was like the chicken's delicious

Then once they got everybody caught on then they started giving me those chickens that get kicked and They kick them in the head and shit those chickens now horrible You go to boston market now that chicken's depressed as fuck. I haven't been in years Oh, I gotta go every fucking friday if i'm in town because mercy likes that she likes to mac and cheese from there She likes the whole experience She kicks the fucking door and the whole thing so I get stuck with that fucking uh Chicken cutlets or the chicken or the meat the meatloaf. I had to stop eating. Yeah, that's just a horror show The fucking pork ribs. I was even I even pulled the leaf and ordered the pork ribs one night

I took a bite on them and then something made me turn them over It looked like somebody's spray painted them and I was like that's it. I ain't eating this shit no more I'm surprised you let her eat the mac and cheese. That's my like my least favorite mac and cheese Listen, I don't even like fucking mac and cheese. How old are we now? After your fucking 20, you don't eat mac and cheese no more unless now They got like lobster mac and cheese and you go out to your friends and they dope it up But you're not gonna eat mac and cheese out of a box. I hope not With that's two gots cheddar fucking I'd rather eat that than the boston market mac and cheese. Listen. I'd rather not eat none of

I'd rather why can't you avoid all that cancer? It's all cancer. I haven't had mac and cheese in for a while I can just tell yeah, I could tell you're sad about it. I am I like that purple box auntie and The whatever No, your whole fucking entrap a noise shit Has got uh, just go for it Go for it cut this shit and go for it Yeah, I know you first of all you're gonna spend 82 thousand dollars too much. Yeah Okay, you're gonna go to these places and say hey, you need foot track right now what you need is half and half

Because you don't need foot traffic Who's gonna be walking down the street going? Oh my god I'm in the mood to do a podcast right. Yeah Well, yeah, you're right and it's just it's just a lot of it's money like you We were talking a while ago and I was getting too sharp tanking and it was like percentages and and I have to write a business But like it's just it's uh It's something that I've never done before so I'm scared and I don't I don't run towards it like you do I run away from it. So it's just I went to a meeting yesterday

And we got to pitch something. Okay, and I've been I've known this kid for a while. He's a Kid from Newark very interesting kid And uh, our buddy matt london was there, you know matt london's an interesting cat And I guess two guys from matt london's office were there, you know, the other two guys are very nice guys and we were talking And it's weird when You're trying to sell a show Okay, because every show and movie you watch Starts a certain way

But then they do things to it to make it sellable Right to make it into a movie like if you go into like when whenever I watched the the one with leonardo caprio And he plays with jack nicole sin the departed Oh, yeah, I only think that girl was just put in there for a reason like after the movie was written They put her in there for a love interest. There always has to be a love interest, you know in today's uh television world Now they're talking about You have to have enough black people You have to have enough spanish people you have to have enough asian people on the show

So if you have to have 12 people on the show it has to break down So it's watchable by the network standards. Did you know that? So if you come in it leaves white by the end of the fucking pilot leave might be fucking hind them Because they need a certain amount of indians Diversity diversity to make a show work Which I don't like I think the show should come out the way you wanted to fucking write it You know i'm saying I could care less about the other shit if it calls for a black guy then put the fucking black guy in If you grew up in an Armenian then write the fucking character Armenian

That's what I feel But yeah, but they with movies with everything in this town They just write but they always have to have a female fucking thing in there the whole thing that had the love story And sometimes it's great, but sometimes it fucking ruins it. I don't know what my point was What was the fucking point of this fuck? I'm not to be honest. We have to after that last edible Yeah, I don't fucking know, but You always have to dress something up to sell it Right absolutely selling a show and it's crazy at these two guys are a lot more experienced than everybody else at the table

and they were making Ideas and their ideas were great But I always knew To sell this particular show that these gentlemen wanted to sell It was more of a character driven show The shows would be sold by the friends to this fucking guy And the characters of his world his character the characters in this guy's world are beautiful At the end we asked for notes and that's the note they gave us

the characters And on the way home I thought about instincts Like Sometimes you write stuff as a writer, but sometimes I do stuff by instincts And sometimes instincts is a lot better You know let your instincts be natural With whatever fucking thing you want to do think it over I gotta be honest with you. I was watching the show named Celia on

Netflix okay about Celia Cruz it's 80 episodes not the best television. I've ever seen in my life. It's not Academy award-winning, but it's got to do with Cuban stuff. So if I'm not just sitting there This week. I've just been trying to take the shit out of my head You know I'm saying trying to take the old jokes out of my head in the old way of thinking Oh, interesting. So I just want to be a family this week this week. I just wanted to not do anything Sometimes according to your time, you know, I wouldn't think this way when I was your age Because I always thought I had to get ahead and kill somebody but now For me that you know, listen, bro

This started in July and then we had the move and then we had the fucking jiu-jitsu the blue belt and then we had the fucking You know mercy with this and then we had Melrose Austin New York oddball Columbus and Chicago, you know, it's just a lot of shit happened. That was six weeks of planes There was a lot of shit happening Lee

And I knew two weeks ago. I said once the special is done. I'm done I'm done for five days. What does that mean? That's why I went to the doctor with my wife You think I wanted to go to the doctor with my wife today? Are you fucking crazy? Are you fucking retarded? But every time I go to the doctor my wife is like, I don't not not really like when I go to get blood done That's just she doesn't go with me But for the surgeries and stuff my wife is there, you know, even though she made plans she'll go no I wanted to be here with you So I went with her today and we went and got I don't know something to eat after I don't even know what the fuck

We went we got a muffin and a coffee or something. We went and got to to look at uh Ah, what the fuck did we go we went somewhere and then we just went home And now we went to Jerry's deli. Oh, I got the chicken soup, you know the chicken soup when you're sick It's a ball soup. Yeah, and I got the chicken and rice and it was fucking that You want to get a sandwich then you're gonna know that really after I went there with you that time I was like, I'm not getting no fucking sandwich here. So I just had the bowl of soup And we both went home went to sleep. I took the whatever Tammy flew and I took a fucking nap too And on the way I go, why did I go up my wife today? I could have wrote for two hours

No, I needed to do that. I need to get back to normal. I'm a family guy I'm a part of a family. I'm not only a stand-up comedian So anyway back to fucking Celia. I'm watching the Celia thing about this Cuban girl. They're talking about dreams What's her dream and this is opportunity she goes to see this band And the singer of the band was a popular woman a Puerto Rican woman in a band in Cuba the populous The biggest band in Cuba. Okay that same night. She finds out she's pregnant So you already see where the story was going Celia Cruz is a tremendous fucking singer The only reason they won't let her sing is because she's dark-skinned

Really? Oh, yeah, Cuban was very racist in the 50s and shit them were racist in here those fucking Motherfuckers, yeah, Cubans are racist motherfuckers dog. So, uh She kept talking about a dream and I'm like, what you know, yeah, I've had dreams before my dreams are completely Unfucking You know when I was a kid my dreams are just stupid like stupid. Why were they stupid because I just wanted to be a Nothing I wanted to end up being a dude who bought people drinks and pulled up with a Maserati and he was a cool dude That's garbage. I didn't want to be an astronaut a construction guy or nothing I wanted to be like Johnny Holly with a son for years until I went to jail in that jolly house

For the jolly house the johnny hollywood image faded fucking fast, you know But uh, they're talking about dreams of shit and sometimes everything happens Fast You know different opportunities you're there at the right place at the right time You were there you and I were there at the right place at the right time. Yeah, I got a camera from fucking Gabriel You contacted me. We took films everything worked out very organically. You did it all the right way. You had all the right instincts so Go it again. Don't be a fucking pussy. Stop thinking about shit, but

I want you to think about something. Okay, if you and this is the most important thing that people don't do I want you to break it down from east to west and north to south You know if you have to get a notebook to break it down as dumb and coked out as I was in 1995 it's called it It's called like a jefferson clothes or a jackson clothes or a lincoln clothes Somebody's gonna correct me on this. Will you take a sheet of paper or washington clothes? Okay, take a sheet of paper and you put a line right down the sheet of paper Okay, and you write down the positive and the negative and you take that situation and you write down the positive and you write down the negatives Then you look at them together

And that's what I did before before I left jackie like After I went to court in 1995 and went at it with my wife and court and we yelled at each other the whole way to the car What I then you know, I actually smacked the fucking guy and then Two weeks later i'm in my fucking apartment thinking, you know, what a fucking my goal of my life. What am I doing? I'm arguing with these people to see a fucking four-year-old kid that in the end of the day I'm her father, but I have nothing to offer Except love and bad fucking advice at this point in my life

That's all I had to offer and I had to be honest That's the most important thing about those things with the piece of paper That you have to write that write it down honestly So you could see it and see how it affects you then a thought and a piece of paper A written thing on a piece of paper and a thought is two different things Lee When I write when I tell you a story after I kidnap Bella and we giggle here and you think it's cute It's cute when I write that story down in hand to you and reading you read it It's gonna hit you a little differently

It's gonna hit you a little differently. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. It's gonna hit you differently Fuck how hard is it but it some people like to have inflated views of themselves If you're doing a pro and columnist like if you have an inflated view yourself or you have an unrealistic fucking view yourself This is not gonna work because you're never gonna write the truth on that piece of paper But do you think those people know like what if I have everybody knows everybody fucking knows You know your shortcomings and you know what you excel at Everybody fucking knows their shortcomings. Everybody. You know, you got an inch dick. Okay Only three chicks might know but you know that you got an inch dick. Let's keep it. Do you tell people?

No, you don't fucking tell nobody. Okay. It's the same way with our shortcomings And we all know what your fucking shortcomings are. That's what pisses me off the most about this That every fucking step along the way. I looked at myself in that fucking mirror What it was coked up or not and go this is what I got going on. This is what I don't have going on Now, what are we gonna do to have it going on with the little we have going on? Yeah, fuck you do you follow me and I still do this shit I still do this shit You know when I talk to somebody about management, for example, and I tell them listen

This is not gonna be me calling you up telling you I want to be on letterman or Leno or Kimmel, I'm sorry. You're fucking the other dude Then this is not joey D is calling you up into one in the morning and saying hey How come I don't have a show on hb up because I understand that I'm not gonna do that to nobody I'm gonna hit you up with things that are realistic for my realm Do you know what I'm saying? I'm never gonna call you if you call me and go joey There's a new fucking

world pharaoh movie And the guy opposite him has to be Italian but good-looking Do you think I'm gonna call I'm gonna try to get on there because I know I'm good-looking. I don't know I know I'm funny I mean, I'd be good-looking, but the good-looking guys you're looking I may not be fucking funny or world pharaoh was just insecure and he doesn't want somebody really funny next to But either way, I'm gonna fucking give it a shot Right But so but you're not gonna you're not gonna be

Like upset if you don't like what are you so what are you saying like that, you know I'll never ask you for something outside my realm. Okay Okay, whether you're my manager or not. I'm never gonna come to you and go listen I want 13 episodes on abc about me fucking chicks in the ass. That's not gonna work I know that's a fucking far fetch for you. I'll tell you what I do expect pretty soon six episodes on the tv show Is a recurring fucking Garbage man or a painter or something. That's not out of my realm. I got the resume to cover that do I not? No, you do this. Okay. Okay. That's what I'm saying to you. I've always been one of those guys

You know, I could call my agents tomorrow and go listen. I'm gonna do a theater tour Joey about I'll cover it I want to do a 2,200 seat theater tour Excuse me and all I re fucking city now. I know that's unrealistic and guess what I wouldn't want to do it That's a lot of fucking work but I'm the type of guy that'll call you and go I can handle fucking six shows in jersey bring it on Okay, I'll never you know, I know what I could cover and what you can't cover

And that's the most important thing about yourself in every fucking level of this game as young comics We'll say we could cover something even if we can't cover it. Amen. I need a 20 minute spot. You got 20 minutes Yeah, you really got 12 and that's fucking stretching it. That's talking like you're half retarded like you're hitting the head with a brick my name is We

That's 12 minutes. You know what I'm saying, right? Yeah, and we all lie about little things like that. I lied about all that shit Yeah, you have you got 20 minutes. I got 20 minutes. You only got fucking 13 And that's what a fucking rocking your pocket. You don't have 20 if something interesting happens or something like that Why are you looking at me like I brought 20 bucks on me? Maybe you did. I don't know. No, I was I'm this is uh Do the I'm just trying to relate back to what you said. Do you know your uh shortcomings now because of failures? Like it because of saying yes when you shouldn't have said yes. Listen, man By the time you're fucking 25

You have a good idea You're not gonna come to me and go joey. You know what I'm quitting the podcast game To become an automobile mechanic Those words will never come out of my mouth no No but You're gonna say shit that you're gonna want to do when I was snorting all that coke and shit

I was looking for a fucking life. Do you think I was sitting there? I gotta straighten out my underwear. Okay Do you think I was fucking sitting there? Going I want to be a fucking flight attendant or something like that. No, do you think I was telling people? No No And that's the problem you have especially here You have these people call it to you. I'm a director Not in my fucking world. You're not bitch Not in my fucking world. You're not just because they sell a camera for 899 at fucking true valley

Doesn't mean you're a fucking director. No, let me see your fucking worker Well, I did a flick in college at a one second place and then me and my friend shot a short Come to me after you do four years behind fucking tarantino holding away Right so yeah, you have to have experience absolutely And it happens with everything it happens with With comedians who you've seen Like go up and and like isn't that the thing people always get mad at like tv sitcom actors for trying to do stand up Sometimes

Like sat on that live guys or something trying to do stand up when they've been doing improv and they go in there Listen, man. I'm real part. I'm real part proud of that guy from fucking Those dudes that jumped off buildings or shit. Oh stevo stevo still had it and he loves it and he still fucking does shows and You know, you got to give him all the respect in the world because he stuck with it This wasn't a pipe dream from his age and go. Hey if you need money Put together 45 minutes and go out there and bore fucking people to death And tell him about your fucking uh, how much money you make and tell him about your tv show and how you hate it

Working with your co-star do that for 45 minutes. I'll get you 10,000 a week And they'll do it for six weeks and you'll never hear from them again stevo at least stuck it out stevo was the real dude got a showtime special and everything and fuck around stevo So you got a hand into him there, right? He's not it's not like the charlie sheen tour that ended after like three weeks Some people walking out Only you got the world by the balls and everybody who listens to this show You have the fucking world by the balls and a lot of us don't even know it. I didn't know it for a long time For 10 years, I walked around out here not knowing what was going on

I was doing stand-up and I was doing some work But I wasn't doing what I should have been fucking doing if I should have been doing what I should have been doing You and I would have been in a different realm right now, but you move on you live in your fucking learn Yeah, you know what you you know what you're strong at these things. I would never ask you to do lee There's things I would never ask you to do but then like we did the documentary. Mm-hmm I knew you could pull that off a fucking moron could it's not an academy award when we're not going for an academy award Well, we're just showing them little fucking scenes and you're an editor You shoot the camera you press the button

And you put it together The best that you can do it That's it. I knew you could do that Would we shoot a fucking movie would I use your fuck? No, no, yeah Like if we somebody gave us $300,000 like oh, at least I asked on directing Director from Israel. No, I'd be shooting myself in the foot. How dare you? You know, I'd be giving you 10 grand right here 30 to make money on the fucking deal and the 40 should go to a real fucking director Absolutely, you know, and that's how I like to do it. When I look at whenever I do any of this dumb shit

I don't fucking just do it. I go to the expert and I learn how to fuck to do it I'll pay the fucking ten dollars and they teach you how to do this correctly So I don't have to come back at this shit later on Right, if you don't do it right the fucking now then later on I could do this This shit you could do and this shit you can't do I told you a thousand times today I could quit fucking comedy Right now quick comedy

Quit this fucking podcast And go to a company and go listen I want your social media And if your company does a podcast, I want to be a part of it And this is what I could do. This is how I'm gonna do it. I could do that right now With the experience I've gained the last six years fucking around with you and social media And iTunes and learning the the fucking trends and when to tweet when not to tweet I could do this right now Oh, absolutely. Did somebody teach me this? Fuck no. Could somebody teach me this? Fuck no

I did it You learned yourself. I learned by trial and fucking error I learned doing little fucking things saying loot things on twits and shit like that That nobody else is saying but guess what they were looking at my tweets stupid And that's the point of this fucking game. You dumb motherfucker So meanwhile you want to be Joe christian Will your safe little fucking tweet you ain't getting nowhere You ain't getting nowhere

Is that tweet what I when I put a tweet out there about eating mrs. Obama's asshole With that black ink on her ass. Do you think I mean that shit? No, but it got your motherfucking attention the next tweet I put after that you will see it Yeah, absolutely, you will see it. That's such a right hand over the top You will see the fall that's such a great left jab that you you'll see that right coming over the fucking top So that's That makes no sense. You don't want to see the right coming over the top, but You see it, you know, and I learned this I think that people went to college for four years

And they're running these big corporations would disagree with me I beg to fucking differ right now If I had a product right now, I'd be having videos I I pulled my television budgeting to half And just go on a youtube interviewing thing and hire great social media people with my emphasis on instagram And hire a comedic writer to write on the tweet and spend that money instead on that to get business Anything would be everybody's on the fucking computer. Yeah

And with all the tv there is all the rocu we speed through all that commercial now commercials are dead And tv knows this it's a matter of fucking years It's dead, but here's the fucked up thing we've we've been Praying for years for like pay but as you go channels and now cbs and all those people have pay as you go apps So we're even they're getting I guarantee in a few years are gonna get rid of the free like cbs and the NBC and all that stuff but it's uh I think I think you could I think there's a lot of people who have like social media expert jobs

Now and they don't know what the fuck they're doing not at all not a clue I'll challenge them all because What you could do on twitter is completely different than what you do on instagram and facebook It's all different audiences. It's not so You follow me you could be a little bit more risque with your product on one than the other And nobody would know the difference People would say do you see that ad for fucking joey dears is bullwash Let me give some fucking shout outs here paul lynch my man the lalingas family

Out of chicago who I love uki spooky Will cook ray majewski Dante gazini that letter writing fucking savage bobby and crystal the queen down there in austin texas always and my main man mikey stein One by one podcast put shoot motherfuckers down One by one, you know That word you use in tropa null

The reason why I fucking hate that word is because it scares people Okay, you know what a tropa null means Work hard for yourself That's all that means Work hard for yourself One of the most interesting fucking guys I met Out here The last 10 years was a dude. I don't see no more. His name was bob

And bob was a dude that was clean and sober But bob has an interesting fucking story. Okay, bob was on drugs smoke crack Didn't have no teeth You know And I think when he was 50 he decided to get his life together And the rehab they put him in the the program he got into Was like An hour away from where he got a job

So he had to take a bus there So he would take a bus every fucking day there Every day a bus there and back and he went from making eight bucks an hour to 12 To 16 then he became a closer and he was selling duct tape On the phone duct tape And he became one of the top closers 40,000 he is 60,000 he had to game his own office

You know, this is like a rags to riches story. Get the better He quit the fucking company and then opened up his own tape company And his garage in his 50s and his 50s by this time he was like 57 58 And he was selling tape out of his fucking garage On the phone just fucking selling. He's an entrepreneur, right? Yeah, absolutely. He got sick and tired for working for somebody So he he took his garage And he got a phone line out there and he started calling people and sending boxes out of that

He started doing so well and the neighbors started complaining because of all the Shipments of tape that he was getting put with high lows and shit in front of his house For two or three days and getting sent out So he had no credit from all those years of being a crack hoe So the landlord would only rent him the space if he came up with a hundred grand cash Like a certified check So he made a 10,000 now deposit And he told the guy he would be back in 90 days and for 90 days he made a hundred fucking grand

Oh, and he went back and he got into the office for a fucking year this little warehouse And then he went to work make a long story short fucking 3 m bought him out one of those tape companies bought him out And they gave him like six million dollars eight million dollars I went to his house. They shot a movie up there like a short film And I played one of the guys and I went up there and the fucking house is beautiful Everything the guy had changed his life. He showed me all his fucking Paperwork from all those years and stuff from tape Jesus dog tape All right, now he was in a trap. I knew

You know, so you do what you do and you handle it like They just put such a big fucking fear into people Yeah, that they can't do anything and you know what you learn as you go along And you make it work for you This comedy shit I went as I went along And I learned from people like bobby slate and jimmy shuber and joe roug and callers mid sea And I watched what they did on the road. I watched what gabriel does on the road today

I watched what sebastian does on the road And they all do something that works for you and you take that ideology, you know I'm saying right when I first met rogan We all got on a plane there and we all got on a plane back and that was great But one day I started thinking about it I'm like first of all why are we going into the night before? Like we would let's say we had to be there Wednesday at eight for this first show We would leave here Tuesday night at one in the fucking afternoon to get there at six for dinner rent a car

That's another hour at the fucking airport get to the hotel with four of us Get upstairs, you know, it was just so much fucking and you don't know you're just having a good time But then you're like wait a second something has to be done here. All right, let's get rid of that Tuesday night flight Okay, let's get rid of that Tuesday night flight. Let's take the wednesday fucking early in the morning one more day at home okay We started taking that flight That started working and then on sundays instead of getting up at ten hung over and having a breakfast And going to the airport at two

Then your flight's delayed till four forty Then you get into lax at fucking eight o'clock at night. Have you ever landed on lax at eight o'clock at night? Jesus fucking christ and your luggage isn't coming for 45 fucking minutes So guess what that whole day of that day of flying became the whole day One day you look at yourself and you know, you know what what happens if I leave on the first line And you get the lax and it's ten and it's empty and there's cabs and people are waving And the 405 is empty. Wow. I just saved you know what I'm saying Lee You just learned little tricks along the way

For years they told you gotta stay at that hotel there And it's 30 minutes from the hotel from the club and one day you realize fuck you you're paying for that hotel A rate give me the rate. Let me find my own hotel And there's a hotel right around the corner from the club that has breakfast in it for free And they give you a shuttle ride to the airport and you can walk to the comedy club You can leave the fucking comp you can leave your content You can leave the hotel at quarter the fucking eight and get to the comedy club by 10 to eight You learn all these things

You learn all these things you learn about you know, how to make your life easier We went on the flight last week. You're right on the way down there. The guy made us pay for both luck He charged you for your luggage now. I'm platinum even if I don't fly first class I get two bags for free the chick charged you right. Yeah, she did on the way back We both gave the guys the IDs And I gave him a $20 on the fucking bill and what did he do? He turned he turned it back He fuck no He took your bag didn't charge us the 25 right here when he came back. I said give him the 20 difference

He would have made 40 on us and he remember us forever. He didn't take your 20 Oh, I didn't know you gave him a 20 too. Okay, I think you're dealing. Oh, yeah, he didn't take my 20 No, I gave him a 20 for me. Oh But he I gave him a 20 for me and gave him both fucking IDs Oh Okay, no, you and paula would have walked in and stood online like mama luke's for an hour and a half in gunner security Not anymore. No now you see that a 20 and that's it. You move like a fucking soldier through that airport You're following me

Yeah, did I know that when I was first flying? No, I'd stand in the airport with the other assholes and tap my knees against each other For the extra 20 you fucking go right up the gate and bam you walk in like a doctor And I bet there's a lot of people who don't even pay the extra 20 for that They probably stiff them no Now there's a lot of people giving five bucks a 10 that works too But you know, I want that there's a black dude at county airport that walks you through security Did you know that he walks you past the fucking line? Is it to the front right there? He goes, what's up? Jerry? This is my dog joey get in there

A 20 bucks that's all it costs is 20 bucks 20 bucks I would totally do that. He gets you checks your bag and it goes come on And he walks you right to the front of the fucking line. He cuts everybody off like a storeless You've been on the line the fucking store this walks and she cuts right in front of you. Oh, yeah He cuts right in front of you and do people get pissed off at you who gives a fuck Who gives a fuck i'm walking in with this six with four fucking black dude What do you got to offer you know what i'm saying? I remember when I cut the line on the way to fucking wasn't chicago, I think

Oh, yeah, you got right in the line. Nobody says shit. No, they said something Who said the The stewardess or the gate agent and like a woman behind me because you You feel like we were together and I was high and I turned around and they called They must have called your thing and you just took off And I froze for a second. Well, I don't play games. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then you tried then you did color off That's right. Yeah, I turned around. I said he was with me I said, we're flying together

Jesus christ, you just took off I I think the most important thing why did this podcast? One of the things I wanted to get out there was that The society one of the biggest Besides your family, you know your family always supports you your friends don't support you they break your balls about whatever you want to do but Everything else points to you for failure And if I would have believed any of that failure, I would have done nothing with my life

Nothing with my life. I never believed it I never believed it Just how a carpenter gets better by overcoming objections and You know a plumber gets better an electrician comes in and goes, oh my god, I didn't know about this wall before we put the bin in All that shit that experience I think that We have that But at times we're scared to fucking use it the pot the the purpose of this podcast was to

Prove to people that were lying to us in every single aspect From going to college to try to better to get off drugs To do something with your life once you get off prison To go for something you believed in when I first saw the sides for the longest you're out. I didn't give a fuck. I was getting that moving Even if I had to kill whoever got it the week before run them all with a car on the Wolfson Boulevard like Tupac Or biggie That was it. I knew I was getting this fucking movie That was Italy in my mind. I'm like, I'm getting this shit

So this is what this podcast is about it's not on anything fucking else It's about letting you know that you want to be an entrapment now Well, the troponua whatever the fuck either word is right. I don't like you could do it I don't give a fuck what objection they tell you Your job is to find the way Plain and fucking simple just find the fucking way You know, I wasn't ready for LA when I came here I'll tell I'll tell everybody on this fucking podcast as a comedian as a human being

I wasn't ready for LA when I got here, but I stepped up once I got here Once I got here something made me get into the comedy store in these other places And I was on the drugs for a long time, but I kept Moving I kept moving. I didn't let the drugs take me down. The drugs were part of who I was It wasn't who I was. Do you know what I'm saying? I wasn't at home shooting and hanging out with degenerates. I was just a closet fucking Functioning addict as they call it. I guess that's all he's a functioning addict What that means is I snorted coke and still slung dick. Okay, that's what that fucking meant So, uh, that's it. That's it. That's that that's what the podcast is about

Yeah, because they do they do they scare you they make everything so hard and make everything so expensive whether it's in college Whether it's in life. There's always people telling you that it's gonna be tough to the decision you're gonna make and you know what man It's as tough as you fucking let it Your mind overcomes all that shit. You look at it just another fucking day to do in business It's so weirdly you just look at it. It's just another day of doing fucking business. So It was tough for me It was tough for me in seattle in that fucking office. I slept in and shut out the window It was tough for me when I first got here. I lived with stand-hope

You know, I lived with a girl in the fucking trailer But I knew it was what I wanted to do And I knew it was all I had and I had to go for it I didn't have time to dick around the last thing I wanted to do was fucking fail and have to go back to jersey Or bolder and say I try to lie you have to be a gay guy to live there and suck people's dick No, you know You just got to get up in the fucking morning and go for it And there's got to be no wasting your fucking day and everything that you're gonna do has to be worth it from A to Z

There's no wasting your day Regardless of what's going on That's the other thing that we fall for that's where the consistency comes in That you don't give a fuck what's going on. This is what you're doing today This is what i'm doing today. I don't know what you're talking about I gotta take it through a dodge again. I don't know what you're talking about This is what we have to do to that. It's 100 percent. It's 100 degrees. I thought we could go to the beach. I don't know what you're talking about I don't know what you're talking about. I got an agenda

And this is what I need to do every fucking day to get to where I need to go. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about Who told you that whatever this is what I do It's so weird. That's the hardest thing and that goes for girlfriends friends Family members, you know your mom calls Highly it's mom I'm gonna come out there wednesday the 21st to and you're like mom. Look at my book. It's not a good time You could stay here, but I can't go to politically correct with you I can't go eat with you know and they they they look at you wrong

But you explain to them and you tell them the truth It's not like you're banging some chicken the ass and you're hanging out with somebody else. It's the truth And you find you know, you take two hours from one day you get up two hours earlier and you sacrifice these are the things that And dog it killed my relationship with the stripper Because her family would always come out here. I didn't give a fuck about a family had nothing to do with me It had nothing to do with me. You're eating. Yeah, and she's one of those people likes to have dinner parties And tell people, you know, let's meet at a restaurant and you got to sit there for two hours at a restaurant talking shit You know me we we get the fuck out of there right or wrong

It was the last time we learned to the fucking restaurant never we're eating the dessert The guys already got our credit card like we're out of here I don't want to fucking sit there and talk like we're friends and shit made hours Ain't nothing to talk about so I couldn't live like that. She got pissed off at me That's why we broke up. That was one of the reasons really how it towards the end of it Oh, and if you ask terry well next time being you and terry together and we'll put together we'll go Tom on his first four years I didn't give a fuck

This is what I do. We don't have time to fuck around You want a life? I want a life. You think we we fuck around. We're gonna have a life. Hey there. What do you think houses cost? Cars, what do you think fucking all this shit costs money? We got this is what you need right to have a good time for us to have a good time We need cash, but let's do this. Let's sacrifice two fucking years Don't come home Work to your face is fucking purple Saturdays get in there work for overtime. I don't give a fuck

And you sacrifice for one or two years and all that shit you want eventually you can have And that's at any fucking level and that's what I did with comedy. I didn't give a fuck about your party In those when I first got here, you know till this day. I've never gone through a josh will family party Really? Yeah, because I always had them on saturdays at 10 if you're a tom, you're working saturday at 10 I got no time to go to your fucking family reunion. Nothing like that. I never had time for none of that shit I just talked to the fucking girl about the wedding in jersey I just put the the cards on the table like last week. We had a nice talk and she understands And she goes I know I know you're fucking busy. I got no time to fucking

Sit there from wednesday to saturday commiserating at a wedding. Are you fucking crazy? No, I would lose my fucking mind if I had to do something like that. You killed them by the thursday You killed them by like thursday or friday. I killed myself Anyway, as usual my favorites if you like lifting working out You know, if you like your nuts in one spot, this is the fucking deal for you Picture your world. We're putting on a new pair on the way. Isn't just fresh You're stepping into a better day. Can you picture that? You're like when I get out of this fucking shower

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Got a black magic woman got a black magic woman I've got a black magic woman God bless so blind I can't see Oh That she's a black magic woman she's trying to make it double out on me Don't turn your back on the baby Don't turn your back on the baby Yes, don't turn your back on the baby stop messing around with your tricks

Don't turn your back on the baby You choose my bed of my magic tricks You Got your spell on the baby Got your spell Baby Yes, you've got your spell on the baby turning my heart into stone I need you so bad magic woman. I can't

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