Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #424 - Dean Delray

Episode Date: October 24, 2016

Dean Delray, Comedian and Host of the "Let There Be Talk" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Hint Water - Get a variety pack of their most popular flavors that would normally cost $24 for $15 at drinkhint.com/church.   Helix Sleep: Go to helixsleep.com/JOEY to get $50 off of your order off a custom mattress.    Seeso: Seeso is the new ad free streaming service. Bingeable comedy. Anytime. Anywhere.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 10/23/2016.
  

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at checkout. That's CISO.com promo code Joey. This show is also brought to you by Hintwater. Hintwater is offering our listeners a single variety pack shipped directly to your door, including three bottles of Hint's four most popular flavors, pineapple, watermelon, crisp apple and blackberry, which is normally $24 for only $15 at drinkhint.com slash church. Let's drink H-I-N-T dot com slash church drinkhint.com slash church. Shows also brought to you by Helix Sleep.

Go to helixsleep.com where you can buy mattresses online customized for you for hundreds of dollars instead of thousands. Go to helixsleep.com slash joey right now and get $50 off of your order. That's helixsleep.com slash joey to get $50 off of your order helixsleep.com slash joey. Kick that fuck amulet. It's early Monday morning. Uncle Joey, Dean Delray, my Jewish Goomba, Lisa Yatt, the church of what's happened now cocksuckers, kick it, Lee.

Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with, cocksuckers? It's a whole new week, fucko. Strap a pair on. Here we go. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, shit. You can't stop Rock and Roll. You can't stop Dick, you understand me?

Uncle Joey, the church of what's happened now, early Monday morning, the 24th of October my main man, Dean Del Rizzy. Man, that song is so good. That fucking comes out firing. Oh, man. I thought about that jam all day today. I don't know why. I was like, I'm not even a twisted fucking sister fan.

But when it comes to that, I walked out of a show one time. You did? Yeah, I was young. I had makeup on. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you. When I went to see him the first time at a bar in Jersey, they had makeup on. Wow.

And the guy was with didn't tolerate none of that shit. I didn't tolerate none of that shit. We looked at each other with the chance, dragging in called the night on a Friday night. That's it. Wow. I this band, they just called it. That's it. They ended it about a month ago.

They did like three shows in Jersey, New York and Queens or something. That's it. And last week I was asked to host this 30 year anniversary of the best club ever in LA. It was called the cat house and Ricky Rackman ran it from, you know, the MTV, you know, Ricky Rackman was the cat house. It was on. There was two locations that started on La Cienega at this place and then it moved to Highland at a club called probe.

And it was the hottest club ever in LA and it's like where guns and roses play and faster Pussycat, all ground zero, Jet Boy, all these bands, junkyard, motorhead and everybody hung there. It was a Tuesday night club. You had to have a $1 like membership card because they figured out if you were a membership, they could turn people away at the door without being rude. Yeah. So they had Ricky at the 30 year and he asked me to host and he booked five bands and didn't

tell anybody who they were. It was the fastest sell out last week on Sunset at the Roxy ever 11 seconds. No one knew who was going to play. So I go and host and at the end of the night, Ricky Rackman scores twisted sister and I sat on stage. I posted some footage of it on my Instagram and I liked twisted sister when I was young, the stay hungry record and this record here that Lee was playing. I was into it, but then over the 20 years or whatever.

I, you know, I checked out and I was bummed that I did when I watched him play this night. I swear. Dee Snyder fucking fucked it up. He fucked it up. He always crushed. He always does. Wow, man. I give credit with credit.

It was just, I was young and I didn't know what, you know, we were fucking impatient. I didn't really want to be there. It wasn't really our scene. So like how important to you when I think of music, since I'm not a huge music guy, I think all that matters to me is the music. How important were those other aspects, the costumes, the stage, like how important was that to you as a fan? It sounds like it was a lot of very important.

No, at that time, I walked out of town when I saw him play the flute, you know, I walked out of a few movies by that age and the guy I hung with at the time, I still hang with him. He's my daughter's guy. You know, he doesn't have patience for that shit. You know, he never really was a pond smoker. He did the acid and went home and had a freak out of his house, you know, he never really liked that shit.

So it wasn't his, that's why I kind of dug him out. It wasn't really always my scene either. Right. There was some nights I just want to smoke a joint and just go out and I went out with him and went to, you know, some of our friends went to see Twisted Sister. Let's go down there. We walked in and they came out and said, Twisted fucking sister, man. And they had makeup on.

I think during the first song, we just looked at each other and tapped out. There's an incredible documentary documentary on Netflix about how nobody wanted them. And they just, it was just fucking one thing after the other, one thing after the other. A friend of mine was explaining and saying, they become in the tri-state area before they are even a record deal and famous, they started making thousands on the bar circuit on their own. No one would give them a record deal or anything. So they're like, fuck all you guys, man.

And they just selling out everything all over the place and, and eventually become the Kings, man. And I think that's around 84 that, that stay hungry record and, and, uh, Dee Snyder wrote all that stuff and fucking man, that guy, you know, he had a vision. They were way into New York dolls and I never got into the New York dolls, you know, and that was their thing. New York dolls with some kiss, you know, and I liked to kiss, but not New York dolls, but Twisted Sister, boy.

There was a time they were the biggest band in the world with that, I want to rock that fucking thing with that guy in the video. What do you want to do with your life? That was 84. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. All right.

Dean, when you, when you were in a band, I guess you guys are both comedians. So it might be the same when, when you are, get to that pinnacle of like, you're the biggest in the world. Do you think you think it's going to last forever? Or do you, do you think even like, if they, like all you always hear about one hit wonders, do you think they know like, all right, this is probably like only like, do you think they prepare for it? Or do you think there's delusion of the whole time?

Well, I think that if it's so fucking hard, it's a zillion to one to get where some of these bands got. And you got to know that you can only be there for so long. Now if you're delusional, you're just all on drugs or whatever, but D Snyder is a very smart man. He parlayed that into, what are we looking at, 30 fucking years right now on a band that probably people thought would last, you know, a week, you know, so to me, that is still, they've made it in my eyes.

If you go out and you could sell out like theaters and shit right now, 30 years later. Oh yeah. Like that doesn't sound like they've failed at all. How many bands got a record deal taped the first album and fell apart? You have no idea Lee, the stories of this, the same stories that go with comedy. Nobody knows. You see Gabriel Glacis. Why do you think Gabriel Glacis every night's a picture of him in a theater with people?

Nobody goes out and around like Gabriel. And if you talk to Gabe, he'll tell you the same thing. The same thing will last forever. Yeah. I'm going to get a piece of this while he's very smart about it. He knows exactly that. Some people that go into, then you have people that go into them with their 20s. Everything falls apart when they're 30.

Nobody knows who they are. And they still walk around with that fucking attitude. Now that's crazy, right? That's crazy. You know who I am? You know who I am. That's fucking crazy. Well, you had 10 years of that.

Why wouldn't you? Yeah. Like I almost, you almost understand why it happens. Music, comedy, acting, it takes a certain thing not to fall apart. And some people are falling apart, Britney Spears fell apart for fucking two years and came back. The little chick, the Disney chick, she fell apart for two years and somebody had to pull her aside and talk to her.

This cut Justin Bieber, whatever. Everybody has a point. You know, Gunjam Roses. I remember Gunjam Roses on national television, on heroin, nodding, smoking a fucking cigarette at the podium. Like they didn't give a fuck. When I think of Gunjam Roses, I think of that. That's how big they fucking were.

Like they were walking around fucked up, Lee. I mean drooling, heroin, blowed, alcohol on that bread, cigarettes on the fucking building that said no cigarettes. We don't give a fuck. Gunjam Roses. Yeah. We're sparking. You know what I'm saying?

You want to give me a ticket? You want to arrest me? It don't matter. We'll be on an hour. In an hour, you know, so there's a certain mind thing that goes with it. You probably have to have that certain mindset to get to that level. I would assume. Look at Axel, Axel Rose went up to deep and how long did he disappear for?

Now, 15 years. 13 years. 13 years. 15 years. He went to Arizona and was living with a guy that was reading stones to him and shit. You read that and grow these stones. I mean, Lee, God knows where your mind goes. Can you imagine any way you go?

A girl wants to suck your dick. You go to that restaurant for breakfast, that waitress, she wants to suck your dick. Her kid loves you. The band. You know, she'll do anything for. That's just one of the purpose. There's no manual. I can't imagine.

There's no manual. Yeah. You know, we have, I would love for, you know, they talk about all this virtual reality. I would love to go and hang with Zeppelin in 73 for six months and see how long it would take you to go to rehab. Oh yeah. How long would it really take you to, you went to rehab, you fucking pussy. These people, I think they go off to deep and John Bonham died in 79.

The party started and fucking, since he was three, he was drinking like that and playing the drums and your blood pressure, you know, that thing doesn't stop. It's crazy, man. It's like I was talking to you about that blind melon, you know, it's like, here's this band that had, they put a record out. It flops totally. And then MTV starts showing the Bumblebee video, you know, like, hey, this is a cute video.

And in a three month period, they flop to three million records. Like they think they're done and they fucking crush it. Then the singer gets on fucking drugs and he can't break it. He can't fucking break loose. The Senate and the rehab, they're trying to fucking help and they're trying to fix them. He writes a second record, which is monumental to me, like this record is crushing. He dies three months later. I saw him a week before he died, you know, and it's like, it had to just spin him out.

Like, you got to think like you're from Indiana, like he knows Axel. He sells three million records. He's living in Hollywood in the eighties, nineties, people are in the don't cry video at the end. Don't cry video. At the end. Was that not him? That's him.

And, uh, you know, they were like, they were like, almond brothers meets Jane's addiction. And this guy's lyrics were deep, man. I was reading him today because he died Saturday, 31 years ago. I was like, this guy's 31 31 years ago. No. Or 21. Sorry. Yeah.

Ninety-four. Yeah. Ninety-five. Yeah. Twenty-one years ago. Um, but it's just crazy to think like how people, you know, they just, you, I don't know what grabs you, you know, you're just out there partying and the next thing you know, it grabs you and you're gone, you know, you can't for, you know, you look at Springsteen

and longevity, you look at the stones, longevity, don't tell me the stones and have broken problems. Oh man. You know, they had internal problems and drug problems. Look at Aerosmith. Oh man. Lee Aerosmith. Take Aerosmith. Yeah.

It's like I saw, I told you, when they did the album Rocks, they were so high, let me talk to each other. They just lived in the same house and sat, what time will be down there at three? Don't go down there at three. Ha ha ha. From three to five, I got the studio lead, don't go down there from three to five. Your addiction takes you to those places. When you signed up for this band, you just wanted to make records and make a little bit

of money, maybe, and play and meet some chicks on the road and here you are, Aerosmith. These guys were dead. If anybody doesn't know the Aerosmith story, they died in 1979 and nobody heard from them until 85. But now you're like, Joey, so what, bands do that all the time? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm talking about at the time, they were the cream of the crop and they fell apart right in front of you. Perry left, the other guy left, Tyler was on a fucking heroin bender, he couldn't sing,

it was a fucking horror show. It was a horror show and look at somewhere along the line. They released Dung with Mirrors, which I went on fire. That's just a god-awful album. I love that record. There's two songs on it that I like, I remember and I threw the cassette away, I'm like, I'll never listen to this shit again. Wow.

The rappers put them on the fucking song and they blew up the top and they came back with all that music. Is it my favorite Aerosmith music? No, it's not, but I'm happy they got back together. It was a piece of my childhood. We've seen all these people and you ask yourself the same story, comedians. They go to Montreal, they fucking get the deal, they come here. This moves fast.

This is fast moving, Doug. When this hits, this hits. One minute you're doing Googles and fucking Missouri and the next minute you're going to call to do the Toronto Amphitheater and it's 62,000 seats, 6,200 seats, I'm sorry, and people are going to pay $48 a fucking ticket for you and you're like, are you serious? And you're still doing that same fucking, you know, you can fall apart anywhere, Hailey. Ego has a lot to do with it. Ego has a fucking big part.

You can say drugs, but it's always ego for the internal battle between, I was just reading this thing. I couldn't believe it yesterday, but when Maiden first got Bruce Dickinson and they do number of the Beast record, they shoot to fucking the biggest. And Steve Harris, the bass player, his thing was I'm always in the front, in the middle. And Bruce Dickinson was like, third show in like, hey, fuck this guy, I'm the singer. He started going over and just fucking smashing him over like, you're over there, dude. And Steve Harris admitted they got a number one record out and he's like, I'm thinking

of firing this guy, ego, because he wanted to be dead center in the stage. It's unbelievable when I'm reading this, like who's heard of a bass player dead center? You know what I mean? As you know, I'm an emotional guy and I get emotional with dumb shit sometimes. In my internal mind, sometimes you just pissed off for two days and you go, what am I pissed off for? Yeah. So the other day I go, what the fuck?

I'm not doing that. Let me go buy some albums. I go down there and I see 10 great albums that day, but two albums jump out at me, synchronicity. Synchronicity turned my life around. I was in a fucked up spot in 83. That summer I was a burglar, I was going to college, I was working with an electrician and that album used to soothe me. I don't know what it was.

That and the pretenders were learning to crawl at that time. And I got Regatta the Blunk and I got the Stones and Made in the Shade was one of my favorite of all time because he don't stop. The fucking albums just don't stop. I like albums that don't stop sometimes. And I'm on my way home, one of my buddies called me from Jersey and we had been missing calls for a couple of days and I called him back and he goes, where you coming from? Listen to how much of a child I am when it comes to music.

I'm like a week ago, his brother, the guy I'm on the phone with, his brother flew out here and met with another guy from where we're from from San Diego and they went to those concerts. Now I grew up in this kid's shed of music and we used to have arguments about music and shit. The one that came out of here was older, Anthony Avillo and he posted a picture of Pink Floyd on Sunday night of Roger Waters and it says, dogs, tremendous. And I fucking get furious.

If you play dogs, David Gilmore better be on that stage, if not, don't do it. He's just killing me. Don't fucking do it in front of me, I'll tell you that and I'm driving and I'm thinking about all this shit on the way home and I tell him, you know what Steve, your fucking brother went last week and he posted that picture, fuck him and he goes, what are you talking about? I go, you know, there's two people, I can't stand the music business, I can't stand looking at them and that's Ace thing and two Roger Waters.

I really cannot stand Roger Waters. Every time I hear him talk, I want to punch him in the fucking mouth and for years I liked him. I really liked him and there was one thing I don't like. When he did that thing on VH1 and they talked about Roy Harper singing that part. Oh yeah, yeah. What song is this? On Money, right?

It's Money. No, it's, which one's Pink? Wish you were here. So it's got to be some melody from that album, Shine On You Crazy, Diamond, something. It's the one, fuck oh man, I was weird just talking about it here and I never knew that Roy Harper sang that ever until like three months ago and I was like, wow. Something weird that had to take him out of like here, he just couldn't hit it. Yeah.

He couldn't hit it. An hour. An hour, Roger. An hour. How long is this going to take? And he couldn't hit it. So they sent him out. Roy Harper was next door.

He never got paid. Have a cigar. Have a cigar. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, which one's Pink? He says that in there, right?

Something like that. Yeah. By the way, which one's Pink? Have a cigar. You're going to go far. Isn't that weird? Because. Something crazy.

He couldn't hit it. It sounds just like one of those guys. Roy Harper came in, nails it. And when Fucko comes back, you know, now they interview him then and now. And he's like, you know, right there, I just fuck him. A whole thing of hate came over me because I knew Pink Floyd just didn't break up because they were four geniuses. There had to be a fucking reason.

Yeah. That's he said, whatever sang it, but till this day, I think I still could have done a better job. You know what? Fuck you punk. I love Don Felder. Yeah. Okay.

I love Don Felder. Yep. There's a big deal with them and the Eagles that on not the long run. Yeah. He was going to sing a song on hotel. Yes. California. Yes.

And they took him to lunch and they take the song with Don Henry and that cost them their fucking life. Like, but again, you, you're not going to pull it off. They eventually let Keith sing. Yeah. Keith Richard. When you keep Richard saying, you want to shoot yourself in the head. You don't, you're like, what the fuck is this shit?

If they want to make me run, whatever, but you know, give me the song, he wrote 18 fucking hits. Yep. What's up, Lee? You always hear comedians want, like wish they were rock stars in a band because everyone wished they were the singer. Because I like, or the, like, because I've never, I think everybody wishes they were the star, not necessarily the singer, just the main guy, you know, that's how it gets

into that, I think, you know what I mean, especially with drummers, because they get such the short end of the stick, they got to fucking, they got to play drums, the fucking physical and shit. And then at the end of the day, they don't get any glory unless you're, you know, corresponds or keep moon, but, and then they get cut out of royalties because they didn't write the songs and all this shit. That's why I always get drummers on my podcast because without a good drummer, the band, it sucks.

I'll show you every band that's great. They got, it starts with a great drummer, you know, that's the bottom line. So you got to fucking keep that guy happy, man, because the chemistry is there. It's weird, man. When you got chemistry of four guys, you can't just go like, well, us two, we make all the money, you know, it's just, it's just, it's going to blow up. That's crazy. I never thought about that.

How drummers do get caught up. They do. It's just as ferocious as any other fucking, and people think that it's that glamour thing and you still get robbed somewhere along the line. Like there's always a theft. Years ago, I don't remember, like, and I said this on this show, somebody lived in the building that was on tour with limp biscuit. They were opening up for limp biscuit.

They were telling me their story that they don't get paid on the tour or something. The album sale, something just that I sat there and said, what? You guys don't get too grand or something to open up for limp biscuits like now. We get like per diem and something else. We make our records online. I don't fucking know. I was like baffled and you took this deal. It's crazy.

It called a 360 deal where the record companies, they figured out, well, nobody's going to buy the records anymore. So we're not making any money on these bands. So what we got to do is do a 360 deal, which means we get a piece of everything in the pie. We get a piece of your tour and we get a piece of your t-shirts. We get a piece of your, if you're on TV, we get a piece of your songwriting. We get a piece of your record sales 360 deal and it's fucking gross.

And now it's just insane, man, but that all trickles down from people stealing records and everything. It's just the big wigs, they're not going to give up their cars and mansions. So where do you think they're going to get the money? They're going to keep digging until they get the money to keep the fucking, it's not to keep the lights on. It's to keep the fourth car on and the fifth house and the, you know what I mean? It's insane.

I never, like I said, that was one part of me. I'm an only child and that shit runs deep like psychologically at times. You know, I always bust lease chops, Lee always says to me, well, I'm thinking about my girl from moving. I go, Lee, I'm knowing you from the outside and I, I could tell that you're a really personal guy. You don't like people touching your shit. He's never had a roommate situation.

I'm the same way. I met him. He never had a struggle and go to me. Joey, I live with three guys and shit. He was open his home to you, but I could tell that at the end of the week, as long as you can't believe those you're going home, he's happy like this ends like in a week. You can stay on my couch. Lee, you only child too?

No, I have a younger brother. Well, and where does that stem from? You know, I've always been, for me, the thought process of always wanting to be the star is so foreign to me, like I can't even comprehend it. I just, I don't know. I don't want to be this. I never wanted to be the center of attention. I'm nervous.

I'm shy. It's just who I was. It made me uncomfortable. I wish I always wanted to have more friends and be more liked, but it always, like when I found out that people in college would come and knock on your door and just come in and fuck that. There's like, I don't want anyone just knocking on my door. I want people to call before I didn't like that at all.

So like I only lived on campus for a semester and I couldn't deal with it. People would knock on your door? Well, they wouldn't. They would there a little bit. Just at the dorms? Well, yeah. I just moved off campus. Let's say I was a pot smoker and knocked on your door, Lee.

Fuck no. I'm saying, which is, you know, I think it's funny because I'm an only child. I'm 50 and it's funny you said that because recently I was like, man, maybe I'll move to New York, you know, because I've been going a lot lately. I was there all August. I was there last week for eight shows. I'm loving, I'm loving the stage time and I really want to become a better comic and part of me, my whole life, everything about me is from being an only child.

But also it has the bad side of, well, New York, you got to get a roommate. And I'm just, fuck, man. I just I can't live with someone, man. It's just it's so fucking weird because when I want to go to sleep, I want to go to sleep. And when I want to be awake or play records, I want to be and it's like am I willing to sacrifice my comfort to become a better comic? Well, here's the roommate situation. Okay.

So we get an apartment, we get a two bedroom, you know, you're two doors apart. Right. You're trying to save dough. Yeah. Fifteen hundred. You want to get seven, fifty out of somebody. Totally. And you got like a girl in there or a friend of yours in there, you know, and they party

or whatever the fuck. See, that's where it ends bad. Yeah. If you don't know, now let's pretend I got a house. I got a three bedroom fucking house. I got a back room in the back and I know that Dean is struggling as a comic and I'm five hundred. As long as you clean the kitchen, Dean, listen to me a favor.

You're not going to see me. Yeah. Unless you hunt me down on the other side of the fucking crib. Yeah. And you have your own garage and you have weight. So as you clean up and all that shit, I don't give a fuck, man. Yeah. It's the people who you walk downstairs and they're smoking in your living room.

Oh, yeah. Three strangers in your living room and they got beer bottles and you see the foot and you know, they're about to kick the fucking beer bottle. That's exactly what I'm talking about. It's got a cigarette button it, which is disintegrated. And you know, you know, that shit. Look at how I tell you, I describe the situation. Exactly.

I don't want to be a part of that. Yeah. I don't want to be a part of that shit. I've lived on couches. People always extended fucking courtesies to me growing up, you know, but when I had a roommate situation, he was cool and fuck. And then Jimmy Burkle, God rest his soul. We lived together two or three times and there was never.

I never, I would never bring somebody over. Yeah. Like I would never, he had a girlfriend. He would go to her house. Yeah. That's where I would go somewhere over there. That kind of shit, right? You know, you leave town, he watches the dog.

He leaves town, you watch the dog. There's always some fucking thing to do. That's a great. He's a professional. You're a professional. Everybody pays their rent. Yeah. Nobody's doing blow, or at least they do blow.

They do it once a week in their room. Shit like that is fun. You know, sometimes they come home and talk to somebody for 10 minutes. It's kind of fun, especially if they're not a comic. Right. It's great. It never worked for me. I didn't have that many of them.

I only did your right. I never had a roommate out here. But when I had roommates, if they weren't my friend, it was great. Right. Like 10 minutes saying hi, maybe watch a TV show together, have some dinner. But when I moved in with people who I knew. That's when you're fucked. It ended up in hate.

They start pushing buttons. They know they can get away with stuff. Like, oh, man, why are you so uptight or whatever? That kind of starving roommate shit. Unless everybody's cool on the same page. Yeah, it never works. It's great for a while until somebody a friend of theirs moves in. Yeah.

And then your shit starts to miss. Your shirts are disappearing. Totally. And you're like, fuck. Now I got to smack a motherfucker. That's a bad situation. I listen, I was a single. I was an only child.

I had like my own bedroom growing up with my own TV, stereo, remote control. I had cable in my room, I had air conditioning in my room. All that ended when my mom died. Now I had to sleep on a bed with a guy. Yeah. Well, it was a John Bender. We had a double bed. We slept together.

Two 16 year old, like two fucking fags with the window open and shit. You know what that's like? That was that was against my whole culture of 16 years. The last slept on couches. Then I went to fucking prison. Then I got like a fucking apartment. I didn't get an apartment on my own. So I was like fucking 20.

Yeah. I went to bold and I got my first fucking apartment, which was basically a room with a mattress, a Walkman. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got a TV after a while. I got cable beside it or nothing about fucking nothing.

I had been sleeping on couches all my fucking life. Yeah. I lived in a warehouse with another band member where we rehearsed. So I lived in the office of the warehouse and then he built like a wooden loft inside the studio and he slept in there. But he would he would do a little fucking marching powder and just fucking practice guitar all night, not plugged in, but I could still hear it. I'd just be like, and after like four hours, I was like, dude, man,

you got a fucking stuff. You know what I'm going to hear him? Yeah. Because it was really quiet in the warehouse at night. You know, we lived in an industrial area and you could just hear it picking and just and he would just try to learn stuff. Metallica, you know, just like that low, but I would have to get up working construction at like six in the morning.

And I'd be like, you know, and then the stuff just wears on you, man. It's just like it's tough, man. I mean, it's like, you know, it's it's stupid complaining about it. And with me, guess who my worst roommate was of all time? Yeah, my mom. Oh, no class. Oh, your mom. No class. No class.

No respect. We had just this conversation the other night. Leigh, I am my friend. No respect. No class actually woke me up when I was 14 with a girl downstairs. Come down and meet a dance with that type of shit. Yeah. My mom was knocking on the door.

No, there's people downstairs. They want to come down, dress up, come down. I would come down, have to talk to people for no more. They'd be all fucking coked up. Yeah. I'd be giving out hugs. They'd be giving me 20s and shit. My mom would bring me like a Cuban sandwich from the Cuban place down the corner.

And then she was rude. Yeah. Well, she would cook. I had four in the morning people come over and she'd. Loud laughing. Loud, loud, loud music. Yeah. Rude. My mother was rude.

Fuck it. In fact, I went home about not this time, maybe three times ago, three, four years ago, I went home and I went to see a person that had grown up around the house. And she goes, you know, when I think about your mother, I think of one night, like in 1970, she goes, my kids were fucking young.

You know, she was young. They were like 14, 11, eight. And he goes, I heard my husband, Renee, your mom, and your stepdad coming to my house and your mom's tone in her voice. She thought it was one of the afternoon. Oh, yeah, right. She goes, that's the night I understood your mom.

Like I always liked your mom because she didn't give a fuck. Yeah. She just didn't give a fuck. I had to say the same scene, man. A lot of late night parties at my home, you know. Just Carol King on Sunday morning, you know, that meant the all night bender was over, the Boone's farm and the fucking Colombian weed

and the fuck, you know what I mean? Just the, I remember my mom, we lived in this house, man. And my mom, she had another woman living with us. The woman died in a fucking Corvette car crash, drunk driving, it's a chick named Cindy, but we had like a roommate. You know what I mean? Like an adult, my mom had an adult roommate, like, you know,

so it was like another person living in our house because we were just, you know, needed to make ends meet. And it was just, it was just weird. Like, I think back in my childhood, you know, I said this to someone recently, I was looking at some paperwork my mom sent me and there was a stepdad in there I didn't even remember. And Todd was looking at the paperwork.

He's like, holy shit, I forgot my mom married this guy when I was like five, maybe six. How long were they together? For like a year, you know what I mean? I completely don't even remember that. Isn't that crazy? It's just like, it's just, it's just wild, man. When you look back at how everybody, the people,

my friends that I see how they grew up and then how I grew up, I love how I grew up, but it was pretty fucking, she'd be out a lot, so I'd be alone. That's why I don't think I can deal with roommates. I learned to be cool with being on my own. I love it. I did too. I love it.

I did too. I love it, only child shit. I would wake up at six and that meant I would be alone for like three or four hours. And that's always been my world. Like last night I got up at five. This morning, Sunday, I got up at five. I was up for two fucking hours before anybody got up.

I smoked some dope, I drank some coffee. I take a shower, it's your own little fucking world. You put on some soft music, you read a couple fucking segues for the jokes, you look over your podcast, whatever. I've always enjoyed, I tell you what guys, I like going to movies by myself. Me too.

Me too. Me too. I've been married twice and I've had girlfriends and I've got great friends, but I think at times my best friend has always been my solitude and I'm embarrassed to say, listen, there's nothing better than me going for a movie by myself.

And before I go, I roll a joint. I got a Chinese, one of those lunch specials. Like the movies used to start like at 12, 15. And you go to a Chinese restaurant, when it opened at 11, 11, 30, eight little fucking lunch special, little shredded fucking beef with the rice. Some fucking pot stickers and that growl and you went to that movie by yourself.

Because I realized that sometimes this might be selfish. Lee made me at the movies at 12, 15. Also at 12, 15, I got a fucking call from Lee. I'm three blocks away, the lady in front of, and I'm not saying Lee, I'm just saying your name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. It always works out like that for me. Lee, you know, or you're laying at the channel.

Listen, they talk during the movie. I don't give a fuck if you say something during the movie. I'm too high. I won't even hear you. I'm deaf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm deaf and I turn the deaf button on. That's the least of my problems.

You know, I make sure I sit next to the door with that lemmly when one of these art students comes in there shooting. They gave me a D in fucking design. I don't need to be shot by some fucking art student with a BB gun. So I sit next to the door, but I love that shit. I need to.

And I heard that people who eat by themselves die. Like they die of heart attacks or they die younger. It looks like I'm gonna die younger. And I'll tell you what, because first off, when I eat, if I see Lee on a ranch, I'm already upset. You know what I'm saying? And if I'm a gentle for years, I wouldn't say no. In my mind, I go, look at this mutt.

Like not only does he owe me $25 fucking dollars, not only is he a fucking mutt, but on top of that he drinks ranch dressing. Like I'm judgmental. This shit I don't want to know about you. You know what I'm saying? I don't care how you eat. I don't care if the food drips down your fucking face.

It's what you invite to that fucking table. It depresses me, okay? Like if you eat hummus or you order like a bad entree at a place, like I expect you to be to know shit about this place before we go in there, right? And I know you know the answers. I like the places where people who look at you, they look like a fucking schmoak

and they look at me at 300 pounds. And they go, Joey, when I go in that place with you, what should I eat? And under pressure they crack and they get the worst thing on the menu. Yeah, yeah. I'm just fucking gonna look over here. They crack constantly.

Let me get a... Pull boy, listen, get the fucking gumbo and eat to rub the crab on your face. I've never had gumbo before. But you had the crab, yeah? It's amazing. It's amazing. I can have a conversation with Lee.

He'll tell me where he's going to lunch, to the army when it's playing something. And all of a sudden I go, how was it? I don't know how we decided to go to his mother's place to eat gum. And I don't understand none of that shit. So before it affects my fucking lunch.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Before you order pizza at a bad fucking place, we were in front of me in rule, because that'll ruin my movie. Now I don't want to even sit next to you at the movie theater. Like that's how upset I get with all that shit. So I just avoided it.

You never brought food into the movie theater? Like you said, you stopped at the Chinese place? I would stop at the Chinese place, better bring it in. Listen, if I smell your disgusting dumpling at the movie theater, I will take that chopstick from you and I will stick it right in your tit.

You understand me? That's the gross. That's the gross. I don't want to smell food at a fucking movie theater. Because food always smells like foot in a movie theater. It always smells like a foot. At a movie theater, on a plane, people have no idea on a plane

how bad that fucking McDonald's smells at eight in the morning. I was flying first class once. I got lucky. And then they were like, oh yeah, you're upgraded and I'm first class. And on comes Michael Bolton. He was married to that star that was on,

like just one of those shows. Yeah, so they come on and it's we're flying to London. And I just sit down, I get my fucking headphones on ready and they whip out their McDonald's, right? Like nuggets and all this shit in first class. And then they must have been like on some sleeping pills or something.

As soon as we took off, they fell asleep and the McDonald's, the bag, the shit was just rolling around in first class on the floor and stuff. And it just smelled like fucking death, you know? Like just foot, smelled like foot. You know, the onions and McDonald's like those onions grown like a radiation farm.

Like the onions at McDonald's, we eat the onions at McDonald's, they have a different taste of them. And if they touch your skin, it's like getting fucking Hindu sweat on you. You'll never get that off. You know what I'm saying? It's like getting fucking disguised,

something that you cannot describe. What happens when you get no disrespect to Hindus? You know, I love you motherfuckers. When we were kids one time, it's a long story. But anyway. What the fuck are we talking about? The onions at McDonald's? Yeah, yeah.

So people don't know the dehydrated type onions that weak differently, even like White Castle. Like you don't know what life is till you wake up in a room where they had White Castle. Like something like I had, he wasn't my roommate, he's my brother. And this motherfucker used to bring White Castle home and eat it.

And I'd be sleeping. And I'd wake up in the morning and I'd look around that room and the smell between your pants and your shirt from the bar, you know? Cause we grew up when people were allowed to smoke. So when you walked into a bar, they already had the smoke in it from the night before.

Plus 80 people smoking a fucking cigarette. Even if you didn't smoke, you'd walk out of there next morning hungoverly. You don't know what life is lead to your hungover. You get up, you go to put your pants on and you could smell the cigarette coming out of your pants. I used to hang my jacket in the garage. Guys, it's fucking horrid.

Thank God they stopped smoking in those places in the way. One part of me is like, you know what, man? I hate to be, I would listen. Why have a cocktail? You can't fucking smoke and say, you know what I'm saying? I'm looking out for the fucking guy who goes out and does a bumper coat. I don't wanna fucking leave.

I'm trying to do a bump to go outside to smoke. I don't wanna do that. That's annoying. That's fucking annoying. Especially if you get a little paranoid. You're outside like cops are out there now. When you're in a bar on Coke, you feel like you're in the submarine like in a safe zone.

I would wake up in that basement apartment and a little window for ventilation. And between his feet, my feet, the jeans, the shirt, and the white castle. Oh God. It was fucking horrid. Just a shit stew. He would get onion rings to really make it bad.

It was fucking, you know, it's just all that stuff makes me sick. So as I got stronger in my life, you know, I mean, I'm in Seattle. I went to call for a roommate situation. The girl I was dating was a fucking nightmare. And one afternoon I go, you know what? Now I'm gonna do this in the middle of the month.

I gotta stop what the fuck I'm doing and go look for an apartment with no fucking car. Wow. And I'm asking Josh Wolf for rides. I remember going to one place that was great. The only problem was the guy had like a great day in and he had shit everywhere in this fucking house. I'll tell you how bad it was.

As the guy was showing me the room in the corner, there was a piece of shit that had dehydrated from one of those nine-inch horse shit to like three inches. And he didn't pick it up before the roommate came over to check it out? Nothing. And I said, you know what?

That's fucking weird out there. And I go, you know what? Yeah, I'm moving. I liked the place. It was really accessible to me. Something, something. I went, I got my bags. I went over there.

I put them down. This fucking room, this house. The more I walked east from that room, it got worse and worse. And it was like the people, the horse was pissing. And they would let it sit there for three days and they'd pick it up. And finally I looked in the living room and showing up.

My suspicions, there was a puddle of fucking piss that they had left. You know, I went, I got my bags. I think I called Josh Wolf. And I go, Josh, you gotta do me a favor. I can't live with this fucking kid. Why not? And when I lived here in LA, oh my God.

When I moved here in LA, I, me and the girl broke up and there's always one of those things. You break up and now I gotta go get a new pad. And some guy at the comedy store that I kind of knew from the comedy store was like, man, me and my wife just broke up. This is the perfect room for you.

I go, where is it? He goes, it's like, I'm Vermont. Oh, yeah, good. In Walsh or something. Good area, yeah. I go, what? He goes, yeah, you're gonna love it. Oh my God.

I get over there, it's one of those, we don't have air conditioning apartments. We just open the windows. Right there. See you later. See you later. Can I even put it on up on the air conditioner? It goes, nah, the building's too old

so the thing will blow. That's why we had to take them all out. Wow. The circuits will blow and it took me into the back room and it was just fucking disgusting. Did they try to lie to you? Like, we opened and there's a great circulation. Oh, they always say that.

I remember a chick told me that when I first came here, I was in a silver like place with blaze and she goes, we get a nice cool breeze off the reservoir. It's like, what are you talking about? It's only 70 out right now and I'm fucking burning up in here. No, no, no, no, no, at one point, I don't know what happened.

I had a roommate up to 19s maybe in the comedy game. Listen, when you get here, when I first got here, I lived with a girl. Then we broke up 80 fucking times. She was a dirty whore. We broke up 80 fucking times and got back together. So it was always dilemma. So for a while I just lived on Josh Wolfscout.

Yeah. And I threw him a little cash. I bought groceries from time to time. You're a fucking feature act, bro. Yeah. But in those days, it was a $200 plane ticket to New York. Oh yeah.

200 flat round trip leak. Right now, 249 Virgin, I've been flying at non-stop. 249, I signed up for their notices and they'll just hit me. Sail tomorrow for two hours. I'm grabbing these flights, 249. Round trip. Round trip, man.

It was 249. To Newark? No, JFK, dude. Come on. I'm flying from LAX to JFK on Virgin twice now, 249. You get your number in, you register as a frequent flyer. Yeah, just signed up as a frequent flyer. Okay, so next time you fly,

buy a ticket for 249 and then tell them you want to upgrade to main cabin select, not first class. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Main cabin select. I saw it, it was like 49 bucks to upgrade. You crazy. Great, great. That's what a pinch will say.

That's fucking great. If you're a real pimp and you don't want to fly first class, you ain't got the pocket, you buy a cheap ticket at Virgin register. If you fly a lot, always look at Virgin's routes. It's great. Register and then just buy the cheap ticket and then the night before, 12 hours before,

even if you gotta get up at three in the morning. Who gives a fuck? You get up three AM, boom, call them and go, I want to upgrade to main cabin, select what you want, give me an aisle window, boom. That's a great bargain. It is, dude. You sit there, you don't get up one time.

They give you quality food, you press a button, there's movies, there's this. They got the killer lighting, the purple lighting. Guys, always become a frequent fly on fucking Virgin. And you know what, their flights are difficult sometimes for me. Like I really wanted to take them to Boston. They only got to play like five places.

They wanted 6.99 for Boston. Wow. I think they got my cookies, Lee. Cause they went to 1,999 for first class. I always look at the regular ticket, I look at first class and see what the difference is. Delta wanted like seven and two. Some plane tickets are cheap.

The weirdest thing was, I called Delta and Delta had a plane ticket when I had to cancel for oddball, but they reused it. And they said, we found some other money. So the ticket is free and we owe you a check for $13.00, to Boston. So I'm going to Boston for fucking one day. I don't know how I scored it.

So now I think maybe they made a mistake, but now Delta don't make mistakes, bitch. They don't make mistakes like that. It was too much of a mistake. So I keep checking it. No, it's... That Virgin's great, man. Fuck, they got a flight on their red eye

is at 1130 at night. It's great. One thing I like about Virgin is, they only have a few places they're going. So their flights are never late. You know, they show up, they leave at 1130. So you get there, you get into New York at like 730 their time.

In the morning? Yeah, slept the whole way. That is not a bad time to get into New York. Oh, it's perfect. Especially if you could eat breakfast at JFK. That's what I did. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with? Yeah, right?

Because you're going to have to steam it out anyway. Yeah. Your luggage going to take 45 minutes. Yeah, yeah. And your hotel's not going to be ready. No, 745. Yeah, that's a long fucking wait for your hotel though. I know, but you know what?

I call ahead the day before to the hotel and I say, look, I got a meeting. I need an early check-in, man. Come on. And I'll give you a shout out on the podcast or whatever. One of the guys in New York was telling me that dudes tell the hotels, look, I got the big podcast to give you a shout out or whatever.

And he goes, all right, yeah, early check-in. So I got a 1030 check-in last week when I was there. And I was like, this is great. I was only in a hotel one day and then Ari let me stay at his house while he was on the road. So it's just perfect, perfect run, man. You're living a good life now. This is nice what you're doing.

You're 50, you're trying to become bi-costal. Just listen, you got to do what Ari does. Just eliminate the winter in New York. That's what I'm doing. Eliminate the winter in New York. Because June is great in New York. May is sensational. April is tremendous.

September is brilliant. I was there last week. Yeah, October is brilliant. October, September in New York City are brilliant. You can still move a light jacket. Once November comes and that cold weather, when I know these guys, it gets like warm in January. Joey, it was 63 terrains.

January bitch, February still around the corner, motherfucker. Never fear a room, you know what I'm saying? The snake lies coiled in Naples. Fuck, you know what I did? I was with my buddy, Marcus Price, who works for Hannibal. And he had two Italian scooters, mopeds, the ones with the wheels, the 70s ones,

those crazy ones, you know, the pukes. And he said, yo, I know you love Coney Island. So it's Sunday, it's open, it's a 75 out. He goes, let's ride these out from Brooklyn. We rode from Brooklyn to Coney Island, surface streets, like a Beastie Boys video, just seeing all of Brooklyn pull up to fucking, to the cyclone, parked them, locked them up,

rode this fucker two times, took some photos, got back on it, rode back in this perfect weather and then did spots at the stand that night. I was like, this is fucking great, you know? Like life is good, man. You know, there's a couple of parts to comedy. And I know that there's a couple parts to music. You know, the bands that went on tour for two years

didn't stop touring and recorded while they were on the fucking road. Then one day there's a thing called The Kid. And you're like, listen, this is ending with or without me. You guys could keep going. But I gotta go home, make a pit stop for a few weeks and see the kids and whatever.

And you really, you know, so there's three levels to this. At this point right now, let's pretend I lived somewhere like Tennessee, where I had Terry's parents there all week and Terry was entertained with his sisters. And you know what I'm saying? I can leave for a couple of days. I can leave, let's do a Monday.

Fuck it. I got on a ride on a Monday night tonight, 11.30. Do six on a Monday and get the fuck out of here and spend a week in New York. First of all, I would miss them too much at this point. Like I would miss, I like what's going on right now. I like my road, how I keep it. It's very simple.

I'm not trying to kill myself. I'm not trying to prove nothing. You know, we were talking about ego before. We're talking about Roger Waters now. Till this day, every time I see Sting in an interview, I think how he took one of the world's greatest band down because of your fucking ego. And then you think of Roger Waters as war with everybody.

And I think about Mick Jagger. He's as egotistical as they come. But he's like business is business. Yeah, yeah. You know, business is business. You know, and even in comedy, I never let myself get into that dumb shit. I keep that out of the way, man.

I took that out of the way as a young man. I got that shit out of the way, ego. There's no reason to have ego. It's not gonna fucking do nothing for you, you know? Yeah. I don't give a fuck. I do some shit that, who gives a fuck, bro? Yeah.

I'm just trying to be funny and have a good time. That's all I'm trying to do too, man. That's it. Yeah, that's why I'm doing New York a lot. Because let me ask you something about this, Joey, because I don't get to talk to a lot of guys that work as much as you do. Like, you know, Burr and Marin and you

and guys like that. But I find that as I travel around, does this happen to you where your stuff works a lot of the time, but then you'll get to some rooms and your stuff's not working. It's like medium laughs, you know, just somewhere around 30 minutes,

they're kind of out, does that happen to you? Absolutely. Is that for headlining, you mean? Yeah, yeah, headlining. Absolutely. We've had discussions, Lee and I, of what happens during a special. Yeah.

Okay. 20 years ago, when you first started watching specials, you took a ride with the special. You took a ride, but always remember, at about the 30 minute mark, shit starts coming into your mind. Where's my daughter? Yeah.

Am I gonna do the homework tonight? That's where all the other sensory shit comes into your mind. Totally. And you disappear. Now it's up to the comic. You know, how many specials do you watch? Rate, rate 10 specials.

Yep. Whether it's Andrew Dice Clay, Delirious, take a George Carlin one. CK, whatever. Take CK, take prior. At some point, no matter how funny they are, life comes back to you. The coke wears off.

Yeah, yeah. The joint wears off. Yeah. Well, the comedy, you don't get sucked in anymore. The excitement. And somewhere for eight or nine minutes or 10 minutes, you lose them. Now it's up to the comic.

It's up to the comic. Now, what made it? Listen, we all headlined at the six year mark. Yeah. That's where I'm at, right? Okay. But you say to yourself, you know what?

I was pretty good as a headliner. No, you're not. Yeah. Wait till you get to the 10 year mark and you're a little bit better. And the 15 year mark, and the 20 year mark. Like I tell people, I didn't become a headliner for 17 years because I didn't become a headliner

until four years ago. Yeah. And I'd been doing comedy 20 fucking years. I didn't become a true headliner where you have them. And now you become a professional. You're a boxer. It's a 60 minute bout. Yeah.

Okay. Which means I gotta have endurance. Yeah. I gotta learn how to keep range in the fucking, this guy's dangerous between the fourth and seventh round. That's where I start to taper off. Yeah, yeah.

I gotta get momentum again in the fucking eighth round, you know what I'm saying? So this is what becoming a headliner does. It teaches you when to be aggressive, when to bob and weave, when to stay back, make believe you're entertained. You just got them. You just play the magic trick.

You see this right hand, it's a magic trick. He's looking for the, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And then you beat him up again and that's it, you get the fuck out of it. Yep. Wow, that was amazing. No, it really wasn't.

Big closer. I was, yeah. Something to knock the fuck in the middle. Yeah. Something to lullabime, always make a knowledge of the waitress. Acknowledge 50 to 250. I just had two drinks in a fucking bag of nachos.

Disgusting hummus. So that goes into your mind how am I gonna figure this out? Is this piece of pussy worth it? What's this comic worth? So now you got another bump there. So you got about 12 minutes to fuck with them. Now you open a can of whip ass,

and to be honest, that's what they're gonna remember. Totally. The last. The can of whip ass. Yeah, the last. So it's pretty impressive. Getting there and getting that bobbin weave. Listen, for this special, I didn't know how to have a closer.

Yeah, that's what you were telling me. I had to talk to them. Yeah. I just talked to them. Why not? Why fuck around and give them something that ain't? Yeah. For a year and a half, I had a great closer

that got stronger and stronger and stronger. But because I did it so much on the road, I didn't want to be put on a special. I felt like I would insult people if I had showed up with that fucking material. Wow. So I didn't do it. And even today on the road,

I will hit you with 45 minutes of new material. But I used that closer because it was a joke. We all had a great time from the podcast. A lot of people that start liking me is because of that story. They acknowledge that story. So Lee was Tony Benicock, sucka. Lee dog.

He's got shit to do on people to see fucking Dean Del Rizzi. Oh fuck, if I won't let me play the song, hold on. Jesus, Lee, you're slipping. You should have been on point with this, isn't it? No, I haven't, I haven't already, but. Watch the bag, you're breaking people's ear lobes. Oh shit, sorry.

These people gonna complain fucking Dean Del Rizzi fucked up my fucking ear lobe. He grabbed the water. Thanks for having me again, man. No, we gotta do you once a month. I was gonna call Rainier, and I forgot to call Mr. Basio. He's been doing a lot lately on Facebook.

He's got a little band going on. It's pretty impressive to listen. Yes, Lee. Always gets me on a Monday, cause I guess four or five years when we're doing this podcast, we stay consistent to Tony on my day. Tony Bennett.

When you think of Dean Del Rizzi, I am. Lee, how's that acid? It's going pretty good. You feel it? I'm starting to. I feel little chemicals in my stomach. I feel like I had a fart. I had a big lunch.

The first acid fart might take you. Acid farts. Lee's in much better shape this time than last time. Oh, that was strong last time. Last time, Linda Blair came and visited him. His head was turning backwards. That was a lot last time. I loved it.

It was fun though. That was just the first dose I gave. Oh, you're fun. We're going deep in 10 minutes. So before that happened, I lose it completely. No, I'm just teasing. No, well, before I lose it completely, regardless, cause we have a lot.

You said you work construction. Yeah. I know Joey did too. I, they're rebuilding a place across from my house. They're building a new house called, I don't know what it is. But it's, I've gotten to see the whole process. Like they tore something down.

They got the thing level. And then they've been building level by level. And it's, I'm not good at that. And just like, it's normally I don't look at it, but sometimes when I'm stoned, I look at it, I'm like, it's pretty cool to get to like see like you're doing something like that. You're building a house.

I hated it. But it was the only job that you could have with long hair back when I, when I was young, I was telling people this, there was three things. You couldn't go in Disneyland with long hair. That was a rule, like no men with long hair. Like, you know, and you couldn't get a job. So it was construction or landscaping or telephone sales.

Those are the three gigs you could get with long hair. And, you know, the 70s, 80s men. Now, like I always say, I don't even think I got enough tattoos to work at Chipotle now. You know what I mean? But I remember when I got one tattoo, my mom was like, you're never gonna have a real job.

And I was like, good, you know, and she was like trying to scare me. But I was like, now at Chipotle, they got a month, they got the menu on their neck. You know what I mean? It's like, holy shit, the world's changed, you know? But I hated construction because it was like, you had to get up at like five.

Oh yeah, I'm sure it sucks. I'm sure it sucks. Like, I'm sure there's a lot of people who listen, who work in construction. I'm sure it's not fun. A lot of people love it. Oh, well, I mean, they take pride in their work. I'm sure it's like a very hard,

but it was just, it's just cool to see the whole process. I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. And the messier, the better. I was a stone mason and bull in Aspen, Colorado. Up in high altitude, you get there, you gotta take a tarp off the brick

and there's three inches of snow on it. You gotta take the tarp off the fucking concrete. You gotta take a tarp off the sand that's held down by cinder blocks. All right, then you gotta get a bucket and turn that around. And you gotta fucking get a machine and get that put gasoline in the thing.

And then get that fucking started. And that's what you hear. Then you get the hose, you throw it in there. You throw a fucking scoop of rocks in there. 16 scoops of rock, a bag of 80 pound fucking concrete and fucking 16 scoops of sand and shit or whatever the fuck you're making, I'm sorry. No rocks.

You would throw like one thing of rock in, 16 scoops of sand and a bag of 80 pound concrete. And then once it was great and mixed fucking up there, three, three and a half minutes, you took it out with your hand, you look through it, you gave it to the stone masons. Then you had to empty it, make another one, empty that one, make another one.

And while you are emptying it, get four wheel barrels in sand and shovel four fucking wheel barrels and run them off for each stone masons, empty them and bring them back and then have his fucking bricks cut up. So I would have to have the whole row of bricks for him, especially whether he was left handed or right handed,

all set up from with his tools. All right, I would have to have that, like let's say the job started at eight, I would have to get that 730 and do all that. I was a lone warrior. Like a pre-med, 19 years old stone to the gills with a fucking Walkman on with those thick speakers with the cushies, with a fucking hooded sweatshirt,

a hat, a fucking winter jacket gloves with the fingers cut out. Some Judas Priest going. Judas Priest going. And I'd go out there every morning, start up all that shit. And then, Lee, why are you doing all this? You still gotta build scaffold.

So you're building scaffold for the other side, you're cleaning off all the rocks. You don't want ever in your life, want something to go Joey, more and more the cocksucker. That's embarrassing to a guy like me. You shouldn't have to tell me to do fucking mortar. So the mortar always has to keep coming. You're always scooping, you know,

you're looking at the end of the day, you've picked up 30 bags, 80 fucking times. You know, when I did that with Rufin, the only thing that made me quick construction was money all the time. Money, at the end of the week, you looked at it and you said, you know what, I helped a bit. Now, 30 years ago in this country, you learned to trade, Lee.

So once I grabbed you, the first year was gonna be eight bucks an hour. But after the first year, I give you 12, 15, you know what I'm saying? You get some tools and the more you show me is the more I show you. If you wanna come to work and pick up paper, then come to work and pick up paper, good luck.

But if you're gonna come to work and go boss, can I put that TV up today with fucking Dean? Yeah, put it up, you're just saving me 800. I can throw you an extra yardstick. You following me? Yeah, that's how you make money. And you get in there and lay the brick and learn how to do that.

They were schmucks that, they be giggling. Man, last night, there was a great party last night. I was like, what are you talking about? I think I'm not, you and your wages here, and you're behind those, talking to bricks, smoking cigarettes in this idiot, talking about towards the sensor. Yeah.

You want to get in there, go pick up those bricks and dirty cock, fuck that. Fuck yeah. I got that, I was framing, it was piece work. So you got paid by how many fucking sticks you put up, man. You know, we- What they pay in those days for that? Fuck, I can't remember, but I think it was around

30 an hour you could make, you know, if you were fucking moving your ass. And we had a team, four of us. So if one guy was lacking, the other dude to be on you, like, what the fuck are you doing? You know, cause they were only there to make money. And if you were just like slow, you know, because we're like, we'd be going as a team

and we're building condos. So it'd be four of us, and we're building this whole section of these condos. And you know, and the faster you work, the more money you made. And to me, man, most of the times I'd be hungover, played gigs the night the fuck- 14 hour day, you didn't give a fuck, man.

Yeah, just- Anything that fueled that addiction. Oh yeah, man. Anything that fueled that, I did that. I remember being 18 and committing a crime. And the rumor was they were looking for me. So my friend Kurt DeLorento, God bless his soul, took me down to Glassboro.

And I lived with him for like six weeks. And after three days, you know, motherfuckers like us, we gotta get out of the house. Yeah. And the first thing I saw, when people are looking for you, you have to get out of the house? I was two hours away from where the action was.

Who was I gonna bring? Pre-internet. Yeah, this is pre-internet. People didn't go past a couple blocks. I was gonna bump into Dean. Let's take a picture, go fuck yourself. You know, you put on a hooded sweatshirt, you can't walk it.

Oh my God, that's a- I'd rob somebody. Something happened. This was like, this was before we did- No. This was after Colorado. No, no, no, no, no, I'm lying to you guys.

This was before the jewelry store. I robbed a drug deal and they were looking for me. So like for about a couple of weeks, I just went down to Philly. Yeah. My everybody kept asking me, what are you doing in Philly? Going to college.

I wasn't going to college. I was living on Kurt's couch, watching TV, smoking great dope, eating cheese steaks, lifting weights with this kid, having a great time. I don't even know what the point of the fucking story is. And I, oh, after three days, you know, you sit there and the coke wears off. The bullshit wears off.

You know, you're staying at somebody's house as a guest. He's cool as shit, but you're not going to ask him for 20 bucks to get weed on the east. So you got to make a living, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I said, let me get up and walk around and see what's happening.

And I bumped into these dudes that had a conveyor belt and they were looking up at the sky. It was the coldest day of the fucking year. And these savages are looking up at the sky and they're putting 80 pound rolls of roofing. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, the tar paper. Yeah.

They're putting on the thing. And I just happened, you know me, I'm an asshole in heat. I go up to the guy and I go, hey man, you guys looking for help? And he goes, what can you do? And I go, I could do this. Yeah. And he goes, are you that strong?

I go, look at me. I'm a fucking 19. I'm an animal. Yeah. And he goes, I'll pay you 12 an hour or 75 a day. It was really weird. I go, fuck yeah. Yeah.

He goes, when do you want to start? I go, let me go back and get some work. I'll be right there. In those days, work was my main shoot. That's how I kick windows in. I didn't have a hammer or nothing. For about four days, he made me do that shit. It was a nightmare.

Just pick up rolls off a truck, put them up there. This was a huge roof. This roof went on for days. And the guys on the roof, I felt sad for because they had to get a truck, put the rolls on it and then carry it on the length of a football field. Because you couldn't go back there with the trucks.

It was something real weird. There was trees or something. You could not go back there. So they wanted to start the roof back there and work themselves this way. So they're walking with the 80 pound rolls? Walking with the 80 pound fucking rolls on a truck. Three of them pushing like fucking slaves.

It was a horror show. Then I got promoted to up there. Up there wasn't bad if you took the thing off the roll. And you put it on, let me tell you something. I lost 15 pounds of baby fat in two fucking weeks. And I made a little money and you ate with guys and you bought lunch. Did I see a future in it?

That's what scared me. Going, I gotta do this one on 50. Oh, right. Come pull up with my truck with a warm cup of coffee. Yeah, cause you always see the foreman. And you can see him, they're like, oh, hey, Dean grabbed up for me. When you're like, that guy's body is destroyed.

Destroyed. Destroyed. Listen, it's how this country got built. Totally. I have nothing against them. I just, I did the electrical trains, I did fucking, or every type of construction from fucking, I got a job once spraying buildings

with that shit. Oh, the fucking stucco? Yeah, the stucco, they paid. I did that for about two weeks. I did everything. I did, you know what I did, man? And I actually kind of liked this one. I did it for about three years.

The giant mower, driving the mowers for like, you know, condo lawns and football fields. And it was a commercial landscaping, but it wasn't putting them in, it was maintenance. So I in the morning put the fucking thing on my truck. It was amazing. Like, I didn't know how to do any of this stuff. The guy hires me and I'm out driving a truck

with a trailer on the back, you know, you gotta learn how to drive that shit. You know, it's opposite and then get somewhere and mow this fucking massive field, you know, and the sun and then load it up, go do another one. I did that for a few years, man. And I liked that because I was, I was by myself, just like a walk man, you know.

I loved all that shit. I got a job once summer doing that shit with you. They call it landscaping, but it's really, excuse me, it's really digging eight inches and putting a pipe in with holes in that peripheral pipe. I forget what it's called. Don't be mad at me, construction guys. And I did this all over Aspen.

They were building something. I can't remember what it was. This guy was paying me great. Like irrigation lines, you put an exit in? But it was small pipe. Like I don't remember what it was, two inch, three inch, four inch perforated pipe. It was called.

So the water leaks out of it is some shit. And at first the guy, at that time, everybody paid you 10 up in Aspen. He started me at like 12 and he shot me up to 15. And he goes, listen, do you mind if I leave you alone? And I'm like, what do I need you here for? Watch me do what? Dig and go all the way down the block

with this pipe all day. I got a walkman, I got a bag of reefer. And I got breath mints. I could be here all fucking day. I'll be here from 6 a.m. When you're that young, what do you give a fuck? I did everything those years. Everything, I tried everything.

Wallpaper, I couldn't get my eye, that cocaine eye I got, the drifter. My Rylite Drift is between the stroke and the cocaine and the fucking early youth. I couldn't hang the wallpaper straight. I mean, I did it all. I was painting, I painted for a year. I painted, I was a great painter.

I didn't mind that. Again, leave me alone for three hours, give me a thing. I got the best job I had was a snowmatched village for VPM, Village Property Management. My friend said that they would hire people to do piecework at your own rate. They would give you a list, your own personal list,

and you would look at it and they, it would be like $900 worth of work. So it was up to you. When did you wanna pick up the fucking check? They had the paint in front of the apartment, or yeah, there was going tape. So I would do the same thing on Saturdays and Sundays. I would fucking do that, but case other joints.

That's when I was a burglar. I know the fucking motivation of the people when they left, when they came back, cause all the apartments were together. So I was there for like two weeks. I would watch, watch, watch, watch, make little notes and shit. And after the paint job finished,

boom, I hit them about a week later, nobody knew nothing. Cause if you hit them while you're there, they know it's you. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Your eyeball them while you're painting them. I'd wake up a week later, nobody knew nothing. I knew they had a back door, they had a cat.

Whatever the fuck they had, I knew. Look at how you feeling over there. I'm feeling nervous about any work or I seen them at my apartment. Oh yeah, yeah, always. You know what I had? I think this job got me, this job got me into performing. I was selling magazine subscriptions

in front of supermarkets. And they pay you about how many you could get. So me and my buddy were there and people would be walking up and be like, hey man, we're running half off on magazines right now. And you just show them this flyer pamphlet and it had like every mag on the planet, TV guide, people fucking, you know, us magazine,

Rolling Stone, Spin, everything. And you get guys to buy. It was so absurd in front of grocery stores for like five hours, a van would just drop us off and then come pick us up. How many you get? I sold 20 of them, you know. See once I just, oh this motherfucker was,

we could sell anything, Lee. Lee, once we get the rhythm to something, you're dead. You're dead. And I knew how to spot certain people. I, once, I was always a construction guy. I was a construction guy until about 1984. Then I dabbled in bartending. Yeah.

And then that, I don't know, that was some of our bartending that bothered me deep down inside. I gotta be honest here. I always thought it would be a dream of mine to open up a bar and serve cheese steaks and have my leg on the ice machine. Archies play style.

Yeah. And I'm like, that's just, I don't want to listen to that. I don't want to be in that. If mom, and then somebody introduced me to sales. Well, the first time I got introduced to sales really was on my own when you sell newspaper ads. When you deliver newspapers door to door. I think that's the first time

you got to knock on people's door and go, let me ask you a question. You only get Sunday. Why can't they give you the whole week and save you $2 a month? You know, and you're like, okay. Can you bring it up my stairs? If you bring it up my stairs, I'll buy it right now.

Okay. Done. And that was it. I made a note on the fucking thing. Bring it up the fucking stairs. You're 12. Paper out. A paper out.

You learned how to sell, but you didn't know the bait. You weren't no fucking Luke Feldman. No. You're not selling the ABCs or selling. Yeah. You're selling somewhere. Oh.

I don't think cars was the first thing I sold. There was something before cars I sold. And how we sort of was interesting, but how we started with Ripple. How we thought sales in Ripple. Well, sales, it's really weird to me about sales. Like you sold cars, I sold Harley Davidson's. And everyone thinks you're lying to them.

So after a while, you start feeling like, am I like a piece of shit here? Yeah, I mean, cause they're like, come on, man. I know you're fucking, you know, you could do, every time they think that you're getting totally rich on this last deal. And they think that like, you're no matter what, no matter what you do,

they think this guy is ripping us off. I swear to God, isn't it crazy? Like sales, cause you gotta be a little bit like hustling, you know, of course to get somebody to buy. I've never seen a guy just walk in and go, you know, the red one's great. And they go, all right, and they sign up. You have to be like, I like red because fucking, you know,

it just shines, it looks great or whatever. And when you give them that, then they're like, this guy's full of shit. It's so weird sales, right? Well, it's not that you're a bull. There's people who out there in the cell, and they, they're pieces of shit. When I sold cars, I actually took offense

to those kinds of salesmen. They're just pieces of shit. They cheat on their wines, the fucking, the people come in, they sell them a car, they really, they hit on the guy's wife. And then two months later, they disappear. We had this conversation there about a guy named Rick Visser. The guy I learned from that,

he's still at the same fucking dealership. Since 1987. And now he's making millions over there, and he don't do shit, he sells cars by appointment. Everybody thought they had them all those years, but it's so weird, like, what I'm gonna tell you, when I learned selling, that changed my life. Yeah.

When I sold sports information on the phone. Sports information. Like, uh, bed stuff, like tips. In 1991, 1998, 1989, 90, I worked at a car wash as a salesman. When you came in, hey, Dean, what's going on today? Listen, Dean, today I got this special. Yeah.

Give me 995, I'll take care of everything. Throw me next to $2, not do harm at all. And I made a commission. And it was a tremendous living. It was a tremendous living. That was a great living for me. If I didn't become a fucking thief there, partner up with the cash register shit,

I would've probably still been there. Because, legitimately, I was making 300 a day there. Yeah, that's fucking great. Working nine to 330. Come on, standing outside, not even bending over. They didn't even vacuum a car. I didn't even vacuum a car. I stood out there with my jacket on,

with my sunglasses, getting the fucking sun. I would take them off to look at people, and I'd go here, and I made it real casual. Yeah. You could buy the basic for 495. What are you, a fucking mutt? Nah, they'd come in and I'd go, uh, listen to special, I was always selling 995.

But 795, no interior. Yeah. In fact, give me 695, let's do no, because I still got the same commission. As long as I sold it, I got the same commission. It didn't matter whether I sold it for a dollar. It cost them 25 cents. Yeah.

What do they give a fuck? Sometimes I negotiate that way. Listen, what does the armor walk through the hours? Give me a fucking a dollar. Give me a dollar. A dollar. A dollar, okay? Yeah.

And make sure you tip the fucking guy. You know, that wasn't what made me a settlement. Out there, I met these dudes. I would meet these dudes. And they all had nice cars. And they were all from New York, Long Island, New Jersey. And they would always go, hey, how you doing?

After two or three times, we become friendly. Where you from? Oh, here. Pizza. They're the same bullshit. They were nice guys. They weren't involved in drugs. And I started to ask them, what do you guys do?

And they're like, we work up the corner at this fucking place. And we give out sports information. It's a great job, man. These guys were making bank things out of it. Wow. And after about a year, I bumped into one of them. They go, hey, man, we've been looking for you. Do you want to come in for an interview?

And I went in, I went into the trainee program and it changed my whole life. It changed my whole life. And look, it changed my whole sales life forever. Your style, they teach you something? Yeah, brilliant. Yeah. Brilliant.

This was something that these guys were basically street thugs that were intelligent, that got a pitch and made a science behind it. Right. I didn't, did I like their style? The two guys I worked for were brothers. I really enjoyed them. Their partner really bothered me.

Their partner was in Long Island or whatever. He was a fucking douchebag. Right. But these two guys I worked for were sincere. I really liked them. And they just taught me stuff that blew my mind. That today I use. I use in my regular life.

And I think back to, my relationship with these guys didn't end too good. And it was all a miss on the fucking standing, you know? Right. That guy from that group that helped me out a lot that I wish I could hunt them down and repay them some of the money I owe them. But it was just a weird time of my life.

But these guys broke sales down to me, deemed down right down to a fucking science. Wow. I was maybe 30 years old and they reprogrammed me. Until today, as Lee. Lee, when I tell you to go pick up the 15 grand, Lee looks at me with his mouth open. That's what these guys taught me.

They taught me like, you know, Dean, what is the Florida Impropane Week 1200? Grab the fucking phone, you know? And all of a sudden this guy calls and all of a sudden he's getting you $3,000. And you're like, what the fuck was that? Wow. Did I leave $1,800 on the table?

Or is this guy a good fucking salesman? Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? How were they, how were their tactics different? Like? It was a science. It was a science and you had to be a fucking knowing what I know now today,

I could disappear and do 100 grand a year probably. Wow. My friend Danny B, who's called into the show, he probably does 200 grand, 300 grand, 400 grand a year probably doing this. Wow. But he works. Selling sports tips, betting tips.

Talking to people, getting information, paying for information, getting information. What is information, Joey? Information is little fucking things, okay? There was a fight I watched recently and I liked the way the turnout ended. I didn't complain about it. But somebody told me recently that the guy lost that bad

because he on the wake cut, he passed out twice. Wow. One time he passed out for so long to actually thought about calling an ambulance. Wow. That's not good when you're fighting. No. If you know that information,

how much did you pay for that? Yeah. You pay 5,000, but now you gotta find somebody so you can make 50,000. Right, right. That's the secret. Now, are there people scamming out there? Yeah.

There's people who are running game and running these poor degenerate gamblers down. Listen, the degenerate gambler and the shit I was doing for 27 years, snorting coke, has no differences at all. No. You're just robbing, stealing, clawing the fucking, get your adrenaline fucking going.

That's all there is. Two different fucking highs, but the same cat. You know what I'm saying? It's the same magician, but two different tricks. So it's amazing how he attacked them. He had a TV show that came on Friday night. Like public access? Four guys, me, you, Lisa Yat, and we get Theo Vaughn here.

Yeah. And Theo Vaughn and you and me and Lisa Yat just argue. And talk about this weekend in sports. So last weekend, what'd you make last weekend, Dean Delridge, your days? Seven grand, man. Last week while you were at home jerking off with your baby and your wife, you know what?

I worked down the, college football, I rate down $225,000, okay? And that was net and I put in six power moves and I went six for seven, you know? Yeah. I bet every team for $2,000 scientifically, there was one bet I made for all the money I made the day before.

You just have a spiel. And Lisa asked the Jew and he, listen, fuck you's all, last weekend I made $300,000. Where the fuck were you motherfuckers on one power play? I had the Atlanta Falcons getting four points and I sit on there and all of a sudden we just sit there and you give out your 800 number. Yeah.

Dean Delridge is here, he went four for four. Call me now, let me give you the same topics I have. People are fired up. I'll give you a three. He's got some fucking winning. So now here you go, you call up, you're the kiss of death. You can't pick a winner, it's your mom's birthday next week. You told her you'd take it to Aruba.

You still haven't purchased a ticket. The last time you checked it's three G's. Your mother's dying of cancer. The chemo's killing her. You told her you had the money. And all of a sudden you're down two G's. You got a 1,200 in the bank and you got 700 on the ATM card

and you got a card that's wide open with 50,000 cash that you have to come up with a code to fucking snap. Well, guess what? Just give us the card, we'll get the code. Take that card to the mirage in Vegas. They'll have the code like that for you. With the minutes, they'll have that fucking code. Man, I'm so glad I was never a gambler.

That shit'll take you. That's why women are going nuts with gambling now. There's casinos and whatnot. So now you call me and go, hey, how you doing? I just saw your ad on TV. Yeah, and it says you, I call in right now, you'll give me the free pick. All right, what'd you bet last week, Dean?

What's your name? Dean, Dean, how you doing, Joey? I'm not one of the advisors. I'm just gonna talk to you about something. What'd you bet last week, Dean? I lost $300. That's what I lost. I only bet $10 a game.

You're bullshit. Yeah, yeah. And all of a sudden they give you, you gave me your number. That's the end of your phone. Don't ever think you're gonna recover that phone ever again. These are real old school Jews. They will call you every minute of the fucking day

in the middle of whatever the fuck you're doing. Hey, you ever called in, man? It's like 49ers, you know? No, so you're like, okay, so why am I giving you this number? Because the guy's gonna call you back with your free pick. Why can't you give it to me? Because I don't fucking know it.

Just give me the goddamn number. You're down money, you wanna win some money, right? Yeah, give me the fucking number. Three, two, three, four, four, four, four, four, four, four. All right, call me back, that's it. You just signed your debt warrant. You might as well gave us your Social Security number. That is like, that phone number is debt.

Yeah, debt, especially till they, I can't even imagine what they could do for you with the Google and the emails and the Facebooks. I will fuck your world up until you call me back. You understand me? Every time you look at your Facebook, it'll be a message with me with a big dick. Even if you blocked me, I'll have 18 different accounts

to attack, I'm paying a guy 500 a week just to open up fake accounts. Coming at you with dick pics. Yeah, you're gonna have to take care, you're gonna have to get rid of your Facebook page with your 1200 pictures of you with Led Zeppelin, smoking dope with Ricki Rackman at the fucking Viper Room. You're gonna have to get rid of all those pictures,

but fuck, now you're gonna hold on to DLL. So you better answer me the fuck back eventually. That's how it works. Why don't you give me your phone number in that business? Because there's what happens. I call you back, how you doing, Dean? Hey, great. Listen, can I get my free pic, Dean?

Listen up for a second. The guy I work for is Lisa. You ever hear of Lisa? I know you have it. He's a real estate mogul. This guy made his money in the 80s, selling oil. And he took it over to A-Rab Villa and he came back with fucking billions.

Now he's bored and he's gambling. So he's bought a piece of these fucking society, these refs, coaches, trainers. He's on the inside. He's on the inside. He tells you what's going on. All right, for example, last night we made what? Lenny, what did we make last night?

82,000, boss, 82,000 on one fucking move. What did you make last night? Obviously you didn't make that. You're calling me because you're a fucking loser. Okay, Dean Delray, do me a favor. Tonight I got a fucking pic that's gonna make your fucking eyeballs pop up. What's Delray?

What's nationalities Delray? What is that? What is that? What are you, Irish? What are you? Yeah, man, I'm Dutch. Dutch, okay. Listen, Dutch boy, fucking paint.

I'm gonna make you so much fucking money tonight. You're gonna hire 12 of those little white faggots to paint your fucking house, all right? Now do me a favor, Dean. Grab your car. I'm gonna start off with 300 dollars. I'm gonna start you off with 300 until you make 3,000, okay?

Don't bug me after that, because after that I'm gonna charge you a little more. All right, grab your car. How do you wanna pay me, Dean? Oh, just my car, it's fine. Oh, great, boom, I got a fucking great. Blean, you gotta put resistance on me, Dean. You gotta fucking, you know, I don't know.

Let me think about it and call you back. Are you sure I'm gonna win? I told my mother I was gonna take the fucking Aruba next weekend. And I just dig into you, and I will call you. Now, even after I call you and get you to pay me the 300, no matter what happens, even if we lose 1,000,

I go into you like nothing happened. Yeah. Listen, I need another. You were supposed to lose that 1,000 so you can get this next year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I mean, they milk you to death. So now once you tell me to go fuck myself,

I don't call you. I just give this to a pig, a room next to me. The guys, cause we have 18 guys working for Lee Syac Construction Company, but 16 of them are superstar sports. And the other 16 of them are fucking Joe Edea's Advantage Sports. Yeah.

So that fucking lead goes to two other companies. And then once we get finished with it, guess what we do? We give that same number to fucking 20 companies across the country for 50 cents on the dollar. And on that information, I already got your AmEx. I got your Visa card. I got your fucking Diners Club.

It really is amazing what I learned. Yeah. From people, vulnerable people will fucking give you. That's radical. The fucking bosses of corporations will have their secretaries. Why I mean money with their Visa cards? Because they couldn't have their wives find out

from their corporate account. Jesus. Just the fucking craziest shit you've ever heard. Gambling, man. Gambling is the devil. Everything is the devil. Totally. Music, dick, refill, drugs, everything.

Scientology. Everything's the fucking devil. Lee, what are you thinking about? Two tacos, carnitas right now. Lee is the devil right now. Look at Paul, Lee, Jesus Christ. Lee's 600 milligrams is still 10. Look at this, Lee.

Lee, you gamble at all? I love gambling, yeah. Yeah? Yeah, you gotta watch it. What are you into? I like blackjack. Blackjack. Lee's a freak and he's the kiss of debt, too.

Oh, no, you're the kiss of debt. You walked away. This is real killing. I love you. I like how fast he was. No, man, you are. You walked away. No, so this day is pissed off.

He uses the same story against me and I still stand that I'm right. I was started when he gave me money. He staked me very nice. Thank you. And then I started winning. He walked away. Don't walk away when someone's winning.

You do the same shit, you're done. I want you to be a man's man. I want you to be your own man. I understand that. You're my own man. You're the rabbit's foot fucking fellow. I didn't know I was your fucking rabbit's foot. I don't understand that.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You just gotta shit. You gotta stay there. Who told you to move? Yeah, that's what I would say. Who told you to move? You know, that's pretty interesting that you're attacking comedy like you,

listen man, it's all of, all this shit, man. It's just a journey. It is. It's just really a journey. And if you're looking to make money, get out of it now. If you're looking to become a millionaire and be on the cover of something,

get out of it now. If you're just looking to do your journey and pay for your bills and sustain yourself. Yeah, how happy you are. You figure out how to get insurance. You know, I mean, we came in a time when we're very fortunate. People in America taking,

it's very hard for them to get any fucking type of insurance. Totally. I got that SAG insurance. And I remember when I got it, I'm like, why does he pay me as people keep sending me letters? Yeah. You know, like I thought it was inconvenience.

I didn't need insurance. I was invincible. I was never gonna need insurance. This fucking, fucking weak people fuck that insurance does good now. That shit is God. So it's just a... I tell you, Joey, it's so funny

because I'm coming up in about three weeks will be seven years. It's gone by so fucking fast. The sobriety part of it. Just, I'm saying, doing comedy. Oh, okay. Yeah, I've been doing comedy seven years in three weeks here.

I told, what was it? It was December six. It's the first time I went on stage. So like a month away. And I think about how fast seven years have gone by and how much fun I've had and all these new friends I have. You know what I mean?

Well, you've impressed a lot of comedians with your heart and you're very kind and you're very sweet, you know, like these fucking egotistical guys that you already saw taste of life when you got involved with comedy. Yeah, yeah. So you've been doing comedy seven years right now

at this point? Yeah, yeah. Seven years. Wow. I didn't know dick. I thought I was the king. I had booked a pilot for CBS, had a Taco Bell commercial

and I had a rolling basketball. And I thought I had the answer and I had this pilot at CBS. And I thought the pilot, they blew smoke up everybody's ass. It was the guy who got the money, they paid them three million to direct the fucking series.

Why would they pay somebody if they're not gonna pick up the fucking show? Yeah. CBS didn't pick it up. So, but I was at the store dying, Dean Dary. In 98, I was at the store getting a beating from Dom Herrera, AJ Jamal, AJ Jamal, that was his fucking name.

Wow. AJ Jamal was a black kid that was very clean with dreadlocks. Yeah. And he went up there and they fell in love with him so much. King Kong couldn't fucking follow him. Wow. It was weird.

And then she would give me two spots on the weekends, one in the fucking main room, following Dom Herrera to die. Yeah. And then I'd have to creep over and follow AJ Jamal in the original room. Just two funerals? Two funerals for the same fat fuck.

At that point I'd have the coke already waiting for me so I could just go in the bathroom, cry, and snort. But right after the fucking original room. Seven years in? Seven years in. I was struggling, man. Dying. I'm in my sign with the manager

and he sent me to Jacksonville, Florida to headline. Yeah. You and I, it wasn't ego. I looked down on him. I looked down at this club when I walked in there. For some reason or another, I just said, you know, I'm not into this club.

Yeah. And I walked in and I looked at the schedule and I go, holy shit, there's a real club. Oh yeah, you saw people at who? Yeah. I saw people at LA, people at movies, and I go, holy shit. And I went up there and I started dying.

Oh no. 35 minute mark. Because I lose 15 minutes with the regional shit. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, right, I gotcha. Yeah. You lose 15 minutes with the regional shit. You've been down at the Grove?

I was at the Grove. Boom, done, all that material's gone. The 170, the Armenians, the fucking, the furniture stores in North Hollywood. I was just talking to Ari about that, you know? You lose all that shit. You know, so right away you have 35 minutes and here you are in this fucking city.

You're trying to look good for this fucking booker who's gonna be there Thursday night, by the way. Totally. That is going away. And you're up there at the 35 minute mark and you're starting to improvise. Yeah. You're improvising.

Like, so what do you guys do for a living? It's a fucking slow debt. So nobody could fucking tell me nothing about comedy. Yeah. The summer, I got here when? 90s, what are we, 216 right now? Coming in. I got to look at this poor bastard.

I got here in 207. 97. Uh-huh. And that first year I signed with a manager. I booked a pilot for CBS. I started going on the road a little bit. As an emcee, I was on the road. Right.

But I had a manager who was a booker at Creative Entertainment out of North Carolina. There's something else now. They booked Charlotte now. Have you been to Charlotte? No. I was in Durham, North Carolina with Burr a couple weeks ago.

That's a theater though. Yeah. You know, this is a club in Charlotte. Gotcha. Great fucking club. It's been there forever. Still there? Still there.

They run it. But they have the room with the Bermuda. So they booked Jamaica. If you want to go to Jamaica and do comedy, they book it. Wow. It's 300 a week. 300 a week.

And they fly you down there. All right, you're there for two weeks. You bring your family, but you're getting 300 a week. Oh man, I'm good. The emcee gets like 2250. Well, 22, man. And you can't curse. You can't do nothing like that.

Cause they'll whisk you right off the fucking island. Oh yeah. That's no good for me. It's the weirdest thing. Yeah. Comedy is, you know, it's, it's, uh, I, I was talking to a friend of mine on a car ride up by headlines Friday night in Fresno.

And you know, you spend all these years doing the feature spot of 20 and 20 is just crushing. And, and you got to watch out because you can get a little fucking delusional. Like, man, I'm fucking this, this, I'm getting good here, but that's nothing. It's the hour of going out in headline. And that's a whole different fucking whole different animal.

So what you do is you book yourself in sea rooms. Yeah. You're going to list the fucking sea rooms. And you tell them, listen, I'll take you, what you do, and you do this for yourself. It's not for the dough. You're going to break even, right? You're going to, cause it's going to give you 800 for a week.

Okay. And that's all they do. Sorry. Yeah. If Jesus came in here, we'd do 800 for a week. We know our audience. We do $10 tickets on Saturdays and 1250 on Sunday. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's towns like that.

It's a sea room. It's just the, what are you going to do? Nobody goes there anymore, but you're going to go there. You're going to go there from scratch and do that once a month, but train yourself to do 70. 70. Even if you're lullabying them.

Oh, Jesus. Even if they're fucking falling asleep in front of you. Fucking. You're getting that ice in the blood. Even if they heckle you and go, when is this going to end? You know, all that shit. That's where you really cut your teeth.

Because that's how I cut my teeth. The people are yelling, hey man, what the fuck? You know who heckled me one time? Rogan. Yeah? I was bombing so bad at the store. Rogan heckled me in the very beginning. Wow.

I didn't talk to him for like a month, but I go, he had every right to heckle. What did he say? I'm in the back there and I'm throwing these fucking, fucking curve balls. And I think a brilliant. Yeah. At the store.

And I got 11 o'clock spot. The room is filled. Yeah. Filled. People coming in to watch. And I'm on stage dying. And after eight minutes I go, boy, this is killing me. And also Rogan was in the back and he goes,

it's fucking killing me. Oh. And the room started laughing. And after that, there was one bit of fucking, there was not a fucking line of funniness after that. Wow. Oh man. You're just like, oh my God.

I was embarrassed. You know, I mean, you, you just bomb man. Yeah. I just bombed for the first special. The first show I thought I bombed. Oh, and the first, last week at the shoot. Oh, I couldn't keep it together. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I started doing old jokes and backpedaling. And then once you lose the war, you just tap out. You hope that the second show goes a lot better and you go back to technique and you go back to what you've learned and what you're strong with. And that's exactly how it worked out. What happened?

Do you think you took the first show lightly? Like I got this? No, let me tell you what I did. No humanity. Sometimes man, I go on stage and I want to be somebody else. I want to appear to be like Seinfeld. But that don't work for me. I got to be able to fuck you all.

You always have to be able to fuck you all in your life. Lee, was I not me in the second show? It was a, and everyone thought, everyone was like, oh, good joke, good show. But yeah, the second show was amazing. It was just something that, it's 25 years. That's it, this is what we do. I was sitting there for three hours doing

and I heard Willie and Willie going, you know what Joe, you're a good storyteller. And I said, you know what? I came out there fucking throwing heat. Let me do something different for the second show. I went out there and said, man, say a story. And I just told the story. Who the fuck knows what the fuck the story was.

And then from there, I took it into the set and now you show humanity, but they know what time it is. Yeah. You know, it was just sometimes in you. That's why I didn't like doing blow all those years. That's what frustrated me the most about snorting cocaine and trying to stand up counting that no matter how good the material was

while I was doing blow, that fucking fury would never unleash. That fury at the company store that I unleash sometimes. I know it's only 18 minutes. I've had my heart attack. It's not gonna be, I only got six minutes to walk out. I could die on the fucking parking lot. You know, I go strong at the club.

I know I got an hour up there, you know, you get all fired. I've been ready, man. The face gets purple and shit, you know. So you fucking go off, you know, you're really feeling this joke right now. Yeah. You're really feeling the story. So at the store, you go up there,

you gotta give it everything the fuck you got sometimes. I always do, man. And I don't take that place light at all. No, no, and you're gonna bomb. Everybody fucking bombs, man. No matter what you do, you bomb. If you're a contractor one day, I'm gonna come in and go, Dean,

today I gotta do a bunch of shit. I'm fucking the secretary today. Can I leave you here alone? Sure enough, there's gonna be two things you're gonna fuck up. He's gonna be like, I knew I should've left you alone. And you're gonna feel shitty about it, but you know what?

You're gonna learn a lesson. And he's gonna bust your balls all the time. Yeah. You know about it. Lee, how you feeling over there? You all right? You're seeing things? I gotta go.

I'm off to the store. Very nice. I mean, I'm on scene. I'm seeing like almost things yet. Almost things yet. What kind of things you're seeing, Cuck Sucker? I love videos.

I'm seeing almost things yet. What a shame. We had John tonight. We didn't even talk about music. It's all right though. Last time we played videos, we fucking played videos. We hit people fucking hard.

It's all right though, because sometimes, you know, I mean, it's just organic. That's why I like to come on here. Wherever it goes, it goes. Seven years, I am so proud of you. Thank you, man. Three or four reasons. Number one, you're a sweetheart of a guy.

You're never showing up for a handout. You always do the work. You don't mind doing the work. Listen, I ride a bicycle to the gig if I can open up here. Tell me. You want to do this. You're at an age that a lot of people don't think

of doing dick. You're at an age, a lot of people go, let me just go to Subway and steam it out until I get social at 55 and shit. We're both at that age where we could have tapped out a while ago still. I don't want to tap out ever. I never went to government to help.

My mom didn't come here to fucking put me on free. I'd rather rob you before I go get free fucking. I just worked all my life, you know what I mean? I can't imagine not working, you know? And like comedy is just like. Well listen, you didn't also start this when you were 23. Which meant that you were at the bar and there was a, hang on, I'll go back with red band

and drink the eight in the morning and this is business. This at one point and whatever you're doing in your life, you party and you cut corners and you get away with little things. But to see the big picture in any career, in any fucking career, whether it's real estate, it's when you put your full focus, you know? And you could do the math yourself.

You're not ignorant. Look at the time when you've been sober and you've done your work and look at the time. My work is fucking tremendous. I mean, I always had a great work ethic. But no matter what, the 90% of my mind was, how I was gonna score that next rock that night. Yeah, exactly.

I was always a little bit more important than being funny. Once I scored the rock, then I could be funny, Jack. Oh yeah. Now it's a different fucking board game. I don't have that enigma in front of me anymore. I don't have to wake up to that. I wake up to being funny or writing this today. So dog, seven years, you're doing great things.

You're fearless. I've never heard you complain. You're fearless, which, listen, any fucking career is the number one thing. That's it, plain and simple. You're fearless. I'll fucking go down there on Sunday. That's why I know there's a lot of show

you can volunteer for no more because it's too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So no, man, keep doing what the fuck you're doing. You're out there. Thank you, man. You play your music. You write your motorcycle. Dean, you're making a living.

You know, you put no way a couple dollars here and there when you can. You catch a breather. What else you want on one day? That's it, man. I just did comedy for fucking 20 days in New York. I just look at that like, wow. You stay in the apartment on the lower east side.

Yeah, right? You woke up to bagels. Nobody asked you for a 20 on the bill. Ari got more. You know, he don't give a fuck. Ari ain't gonna come. He's great. Ari's family.

He's not gonna say listen, just clean the place and don't leave no rubbers away, right? He's so great, that guy. He leaves you weed. There's food in the refrigerator. Ari's fucking family. So you know what? When you have these advantages,

you have to take advantage of these fucking advantages. Go to New York and even if they look, who the fuck am I to tell you not to experience New York in December? No, man, I'm going. Oh, well, it's freezing. Fuck it. I'll take the animal.

And you'll call me and go, Joey, Jesus fucking Christ. When that wind goes in that subway station and the rats are like, fuck you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had that in August. I was there in this fucking four million degrees. It was an incinerator, man. Just down in the subway showing up.

That shows your pants are just wet. No, no, no, there's no way to let it go. Listen, I'm going to tell you a true story. Yeah. There were two concerts that I walked out of there and it was a horror show. But the main concert was AC DC at the Palladium August 2nd, 1980 or 81.

The second night they started, they always opened that tour to Philadelphia and then to Palladium in New York. I kid you not, bro. I had sweat down to my knees on my jeans. The belt buckle, the belt loop there. That inch around your waist was covered with sweat. The t-shirt I had on, the people next to me,

it just smelled like shoes at the Palladium. It was brutal. Brutal. That fucking humidity. That's humidity. The cocaine would melt. Oh, oh, oh, it's just gone in the seal of meal. Maybe those seal of meals would just be gone.

You would cut the cocaine and move it. The whole thing would move with the razor blade. It's just gone. And you go, you know what? We're done. We gotta snort it before. If not, we lose it. Ghost coke.

Okay, humidity fucking loses it. I'm gonna do some shout outs if you gotta go. I gotta go. Go do your thing. Thank you so much. Manly accloses, motherfucker. I love you guys. I love you guys.

Thank you for coming on a Sunday Night Edition of the fucking Church of What's Happened Down. The church. Sorry, we didn't really cover a lot of music tonight. Well, I'll be back next month. Next month we'll bring rain in and we'll fucking do that. Get down on that blind mallet.

You know, I'm gonna listen to that blind mallet because I didn't like him. I really don't like him. Please do. Check out the record, Soup and the Song Galaxy. It's incredible. Thank you guys. I love you, cocksucker.

You know your way out. There's a door out there. You know how to slide out. Thank you. We'll talk during the week. Thomas Hattington. Sean Thomas. Jordan Hutchinson.

Alex Carter. Let me do this again because there was a lot of movement here. Thomas Hattington. Sean Thomas. Jordan Hutchinson. Alex Carter. Steven Carriego.

Johnny Papalia. Phillip Rusty Bousselli. And Jason C. Gauze. Who the fuck is better than you on a Monday morning? You understand me? At least you're getting thought about. Somebody's thinking about you, cocksucker. What's going on, Lee?

How you feeling? I'm feeling good. Well, you're gonna talk to me like that. Tell me. I'm feeling like a fucking animal in heat. A freak without warning. No, I'm trying to figure out how I feel. It's not really kicking in, but nothing really crazy yet.

I don't want you to say I gave you a fucking awful, gaze-y piece. Take a chance. Columbus did. What are you gonna do? You got nothing to do tomorrow? What are you gonna do? Other than live.

What are you gonna do? Where are you gonna go? You got nothing to do tomorrow? Take a chance. Columbus did. Oh, shit. Is that you? No, it's not me.

That's you, fuck nut. Who's back texting you? Shit, look at shit. That's mama. She's watching. Oh, shit. She's watching the show. She knows you're fucking hired and fucked.

No. You didn't save her a star. She's got you on the eyeball at that time you brought her into your office. She bugged the office. You see what I'm saying? What's up, Lee? Give me those things, will you?

Well, I'll take it. Look at you. You're having a little heart attack over there. You got anxiety. I love it. It's a typical Sunday night here at the church office. I'm happy you motherfuckers tapped in on a Monday morning. Great week coming up.

Halloween and shit next weekend. I'm gonna be in Las Vegas Friday night and Saturday night at the South Point with my man, Steve Simone. And I guess Larry now, since he's unemployed or something. Something for happy to my man, Larry. So we're gonna have to chip in and get him a fucking car. He's gonna be the Uber driver of the fucking year, my brother Larry.

You know what I'm saying? What do you think about that? I love it. He said, yeah. He needs a new car to do Uber, so. Yeah, we're gonna have to chip in and get him a fucking nice Corvette or something. So you could do Uber or get him a special Larry

fucking token layer Uber car and shit. You know what I'm saying? How you feeling over there, Lee? What do you got planned for this week? Talks like a... Everything's out the window now. I went back to Jiu-Jitsu. I'm very happy I went Saturday and today.

My breathing is off, but fuck it. I'm gonna keep going. Since my back, I didn't want to overdo it. I went a little bit both days just to really, tomorrow I go to the class. I'll probably do the drills like I did today and get thrown up in the air and shit like that and just get loose and it's great to be back.

I took that week off, guys. And I gotta tell you something, man. I only did two podcasts and I went to that meeting and I spent time with my family and I didn't even open up economy notebook. Did you know that? I only opened up economy notebook till tomorrow morning. How long has it been since you've taken that long off?

Last December. I took a two week layoff off after the New Year's show because I couldn't do it. I couldn't say those jokes anymore. I was fucking dying inside. So I went up there, April and January. Remember we went to, the year started at fucking Flappers. I warmed up at Flappers on a Tuesday night

and fucking ripped it up nicely. You know, I hadn't been on stage and sometimes it's good to take a little breather. Sometimes you make good strides. I had a good day at you. I had a way better day at Jiu-Jitsu than I thought I was gonna have. I did one thing that was impressive, at least for me.

I lasted in one thing. I took my fucking little protein water and I went home. You know me, dog. I don't fuck around, dog. Your cardio survived? My cardio is that one week. Remember that fucking, before I shot that special, like a week before the special,

I started smoking cigarettes. Like I would smoke fucking little, those ultralight disgusting. They were disgusting guys. But for some reason, I wanted to get everything sharp. I wanted not to forget something in my head like I told you. When I used to go to auditions,

the fucking character for me started when I went in the show. So when I did the special, I was gonna go back to Chicago. I don't know, I wanted to feel fucking dirty without feeling dirty. So I bought a pack of Marlboro ultralights one night and they are the most disgusting fucking things.

I came to a conclusion last week that the worst things on this, listen, every once in a while, you want me to lie to you and tell you if I'm on a fucking flight and I don't have a star, that I won't get a fucking doers and ginger ale. Do you want me to lie to you

and tell you I'm not a doers and ginger ale guy? Do you want me to lie to you and tell you that I'm not a fucking, sometimes I'll just drink an Irish cream, an Irish Bailey's on the rocks. That's it, yeah. That's why I'm not gonna lie to nobody. Last week in Chicago, I had a Frangelico

or whatever the fuck it was. You had a Frangelico. A Frangelico with Irish cream, with some ice cubes and a little cream and that. I like all that type of shit. I don't want to get hammered. But you know what, whenever I drink alcohol, whether it's one shot or two shot on the plane,

when I get home and I drink water and stuff like that the next morning, I feel okay, I don't feel the alcohol. Whatever I'm deciding to do and I'm gonna walk that day or run or do kettle bells, I feel okay. I gotta tell you something. You smoke fucking cigarettes,

the next day you feel like fucking dead. You really do. And I came back that night, I threw him in the thing and I didn't fucking smoke another cigarette. And that was it. I just wanted it before the special to calm me down when I was dead. I didn't want to do alcohol

and I didn't want to have 22 stars in my fucking system. Between the reefer and the fucking cigarettes it calmed me to fuck down. Cigarettes calmed me down. I've never smoked. Something in my world, something for some reason, made me pull them up and you know what, well the result was great.

The final result and what did I do? I threw the fucking cigarettes out that night and that was a week ago, that was eight days ago. No fucking problem, nobody got their feelings hurt. My lungs are tipped up too, I didn't just stand master that fucking day at the hotel. So I'm good, man. It's amazing that you can go in and out of that addiction

so easily. There's no addiction, there's no addiction. It's fucking disgusting. I want you to smoke one time in your life whether it's a cigar. I smoke cigars. They're the most disgusting thing in the world. I love these people who smoke a cigar

and I want to ask them, pull them in the corner and go tell me the truth. You really like smoking this shit? You really like that taste in your fucking mouth when you breathe on people? I got to smell that shit. Who's breathing on people? People who smoke cigars breathe on you,

should they want to come up close and talk to you like they're Johnny Mafia and they want to hit you with that fucking cigar, that breath smell in your face. Like I need that shit, get the fuck out of here. Let me tell you something. It's the holiday season and we got a great podcast, man. We have a select group and I have a great couple of agents

and they contact me every like 30 days and they give me a list of people that they're marketing for now and they say to me, Joey, look into this and the people, I'll say, you know what, yeah, I like that. Tell them to send me a case of that or do this or do that and eventually we all, me and Lisa now, you know.

I don't want to ever bring something on here to you people that you're gonna look at me and go, Joey, what the fuck, what the fuck? Number one, you're unique. You don't walk like everybody. You don't talk like everybody. You don't sleep like everybody. So why is your mattress one size fits all?

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I do know what I like and I do know what I don't like. I don't like drinking a water where the taste is overwhelming and I don't like drinking a water where the taste is too sweet where it's too not, you know, you can't taste it. It's not natural. It's not natural and then there's that one flavor. I just tried this today, the blueberry. I think it's the blueberry.

It was delicious, do you understand me? You know, you should drink eight glasses of water a day. But who really does? Coffee, soda, energy drinks. Why don't you just drink more water? Cause it's bland and you want something that tastes good. Here's the solution. Drink hit water instead.

Listen, I'm like you guys. Sometimes I'm drinking water and I feel like a prisoner. I don't like water sometimes. But if you want to drink something that's healthy and at the same time get your fix, this is it my friend. You know, you should drink eight glasses of water a day. But again, hit water was started by Cara Golden. A few years ago after having a four child, she was overweight.

She had terrible acne and felt awful. She was drinking 10 diet sodas a day. You know who that sounds like Lee? Instead of drinking water because water was boring. What other options did she have? Juices full of calories and there's no calorie drinks and garbage. That's why she started hit water.

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And they know how important drinking plenty of water is to your health. You know what? Let's open up one right now. In fact, that's what I had before. Me, I'm thinking blueberries, watermelon. Let's taste this together. It's chilled.

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That's how we're rolling here. Lee, what are you looking at? You're all confused over there? As usual, you guys been knowing, you've been following me on the church here for how long? You know, I love you at all my heart. I appreciate you guys, all right? Couple weeks ago, we got this thing.

Did you hook it up yet, the CISO? Oh yeah. My wife hooked it up to the Roku. My wife loves it. She watches the Saturday Night Lives on there, the old Saturday Night Lives. I came in the other night, I gotta tell you, as much as sometimes I don't like Saturday Night Live,

I was kind of laughing and she told me this was part of the- CISO. The CISO, and I'm like, really? I didn't even know this. I did not even know this shit, okay? Yeah, and I got CISO for the Doug Stanhope Special a couple weeks ago.

Is that what you got it for? That's what I got it for a couple weeks ago. And they have a couple, they have some original programming from Jonah Ray, I believe. And they have a lot of great original programming and it's just gonna keep having more and more. It's a lot of really cool. And they have hours of specials.

Well, all I know is one thing. I'm very happy that my special's gonna air on there December 8th on CISO. Now, what's the best thing you've bought for $3.99? I bought CISO. CISO has nearly endless supply of top shelf comedy, literally months of worth of exclusive originals, face melting standup, and next day, late night,

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I mean, you know what, when Sinai Live was coming out, I wasn't really fucking into it because I was getting high and shit like this, but it was tremendous. CISO spelled S-E-E-S-O is the new ad-free streaming service bringing you hilarious, original series, handpicked classics, weeks of standup specials, and more. Bringable comedy, anytime, anywhere, CISO.

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Discover the next big names in comedy, and watch the icons before they make it big, like Louis C.K., when he had hair, Hannibal Barris, Chelsea Peretti, Amy Schumer, Beau Bernham, and yours truly, Uncle fucking Joey Diaz on December 8th, bitches. So if you're serious about comedy, gotta give try the CISO, all right?

Streaming online, anywhere, anyplace, virtually unbelievable. CISO is ad-free, and it's $3.99 per month. That's less you paid for the latte, or a teasing cold brewed coffee, you're holding right now, like I have a fruitcake. And right now, my listeners can try CISO for two months when you use promo code Joey at checkout.

Okay, again, for you guys in the fucking depth, my listeners can get CISO for free, for two months when you use promo code Joey at checkout. And guess what that gets you? Even if you get it today, which is what? October 25th, that means November 25th, that means December 25th, that means you get to watch Uncle Joey special

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and we love everybody else, all right? So one more time, go check out CISO.com slash Joey, go to helixsleep.com slash Joey, and I'll tell you what, this fucking hit water is not too badly, I gotta give you a look. You know what, man? It's nice and light, so do me a favor right now, all right? This is the real deal, holy feel.

Go to drink, no, go to hint.com slash church, all right? That's drinkhint.com slash church, and normally 24 hours, I'm gonna give you $15, and drinkhint.com slash church. Listen, we'll see you guys Wednesday, have a great night, stay black. Thanks for opening up Monday morning, was remember it's your motherfucking week.

Write your goals, do your 22 push-ups, smoke a bone and get out of the house, sling dick and give it up, bubblegum cucksuckers. Thank you for listening. This show was brought to you by Helix Sleep. Go to helixsleep.com where you can buy mattresses online for hundreds instead of thousands of dollars. And when you go to helixsleep.com slash Joey,

you're gonna get $50 off of your order. That's right, helixsleep.com slash Joey to get $50 off of your order. The show's also brought to you by CISO. CISO, S-E-E-S-O is a new ad-free streaming service that brings you hilarious original series, hand-picked classics, weeks of stand-up specials, and much, much more.

Bingeable comedy anytime, anywhere. And right now, CISO is offering our listeners a free two-month trial. That's right, you get a free two-month trial of CISO, when you go to ciso.com and to promo code Joey at checkout. And when you do that, you're gonna get two free months of CISO. This show was also brought to you by Hintwater.

Hintwater is right now offering our listeners a single variety pack of their most popular flavors. They have pineapple, watermelon, crisp apple, and blackberry that normally retails for $24. And they're offering it for only $15 at drink, hint, hint, I'm sorry, drinkhint.com slash church. That's drinkhint.com slash church. Drinkhint.com slash church.

["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"]

["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"]

["Pomp and Circumstance"] ["Pomp and Circumstance"]