Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #425 - Jerry Rocha

Episode Date: October 27, 2016

Jerry Rocha, Comedian and host of "The Ramble," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order of portable devices that spray your butt with water.    Primal Blueprint - Go to www.primalblueprint.com/joeydiaz for more info and use coupon code "joeydiaz" at checkout for 10% off your entire order.    Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/JOEY to get your first three meals free and free shipping!   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 10/26/2016

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Uncle Joey with his little goomba, the flying fucking Jew. Jerry Rocha. Hey, hey. Bad motherfucking comedian, my little brother for 20 years now. The best. Oh shit. This is the fucking jam. Here we go, cocksuckers, little Madonna for you.

83, kicking it. My body, I don't mind. Go, Lee, shake it, cocksucker. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Look at them seductive as if a motherfucker. You say you wanna stay the night. Oh shit.

Kick it, Lee. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Welcome to another edition of the church. Beautiful Wednesday night here in Southern California. Thank you for dropping in and seeing what's crackleacking. Like I said earlier, my little brother. What's under the podcast you do? The Ramble.

The Ramble. Jerry Roach, I've known him for years. He's on the podcast. Just to clarify the joke, over the holidays. I've known Jerry since he was in fucking diapers, right? Oh yeah, fucking man. I met him in fucking... El Paso.

El Paso, he was selling gum at the board. Chicle, chicle, chicle. I took him home with me. He stuck around for a few years. Then he left me and went to New York and he got mugged. I told him no, God damn it. And then he left me and went to New York and he got mugged. I told him no, God damn it.

And then he left me and went to New York and he got mugged. And then he got mugged. It's all true. And then he fucking came back and he had a girlfriend long-legged. She took the dog and the cat. He was heartbroken. So not only... The poor girl ain't even at the ASPCA giving up the dog.

Nah, like that. She's already got a new girlfriend. Oh yeah, I moved on. He's in love. This motherfucker is depressed for a day. He goes to the chiropractor. Boom. He's brand new.

I don't know what that chiropractor does to him. I don't know. I have no idea. I told him, Dr. Mike Denapoli in Pasadena. He's right down the street from the ice house. You still go to that guy? He's amazing. It's incredible.

The dude is unbelievable. Dr. Mike Denapoli, family chiropractic in Pasadena. He is literally... You could walk to him from the ice house. He's right down the street from the ice house. All right. Next time go to the ice house at 11 in the morning. Yeah, he'll be there.

He'll be there. He'll be there at 11 in the morning. So he gets a new girlfriend. But not that. He gets a special and fucking thing. He gets an agent. The manager's going the road. Then he picks up this girl.

You know, I know this fucking guy. He's a Latin lover. And over the holidays she gets hit by a car. Her sister. Hit by a car. Her sister. And Jerry's all caught up. And I had to call him and say,

listen, that's your sister in law. It's all over. You got shit going on. Call the girlfriend and tell her you're dumping it for the holiday. You can't even be around somebody about it by the car. Bad luck? I took him to lunch.

I fucking met him. You think I'm kidding? You think I'm on a real meeting? Oh, yeah. I'm like, dog, you got to run. Just the fact that she's related to somebody who got hit by a car. Like she was drunk walking around and somebody hit her in

the alligator state. By the way. You got to go. By the way, I told my girlfriend that you said that. She loved it. She was dying laughing. She's got the best sense of humor there. She was weird as dying.

You were making, you were cracking jokes about the fucking Christmas. I can't have you. I can't have you. I can't have you. Crack. You're walking around fucking gloomy gusts. You know what I'm saying?

He said for Christmas they need to get a fucking reflective sneaker. He had like a reflective suit. You were outside at midnight in Florida walking around looking for fucking butterflies and shit. What the fuck is wrong with people? Oh, God. I don't fuck around, dog.

You come, you show up and you get hit by a car. I can't talk to you for a little while. Couple of weeks and shit. I go to the track. I, you know, I'm based on luck. Just to test the waters. You have to be safe? Yeah.

My girlfriend's the same way. She's like, I don't want anything to do with this shit. Why am I going to go fucking be there? Like, fuck this side. Cause I'm like, now she's going to string you out. Then you're going to be at the Miami improv every three weeks. The house MC. Yeah.

The house MC down there. You ever, do you remember those days when you, like, when you first started doing the road and you would do those clubs that had the house MC and you thought at the time, look, oh, this must be like a pretty badass gig. And then you realize it was just a road guy who got bitter. Remember that? It was just a road guy who got bitter and said, fuck, I hate

this. I'm never going to go to LA. Fuck out. They were in LA for a month. They hated and they just go to some fucking town with a funny boner and improv. And they're the house MC for like seven or eight years. That would always happen.

You remember this? I remember I first thought, oh, this must be like a prestigious title. Like I didn't know any better, you know? And then you realize, oh, okay, this guy is just bitter as fuck and got beaten down by comedy so bad that, but he doesn't, he can't not do it. So they just become the house MC at like the small little club

there. It's funny because Jerry and I worked a lot of B rooms sometimes together and sometimes separate. We'd report to each other and the B rooms at that time, you know, if I was 35, no, fuck, I was 42. We were working with guys that were my age now and they had a family and their wife left them. They were like an AA now and now they're on the road selling

cassettes, T-shirts, frisbees and you can't, where do you live, kid? LA, you got to be a fucking fact. Yeah, you just kiss an ass. I don't know where you get a movie is by sucking a dick. You just suck dick and kiss ass. Like no, you don't actually. You don't have to do any of that.

And even then guys with my attitude, then my street fucking vernacular, I would look at these guys and go, first off, I understand their pain. This is tough. It's a hard world. Put up a tough goal up there and to attain it. Sure. And God knows what they went through in LA, but it's tougher

to walk around wounded like that. Like I used to look at it because I know, I know for years I walked around wounded after the divorce after my mom died, I walked around fucking wounded, but I didn't think you could ever get that wounded from comedy. Oh man. Like the wounded I got was three, four days. The longest yard, the longest yard wounded me because I

thought more would get out of it. I didn't focus on what I had done. Like I got in a fucking movie. I'm a fucking ex-felon. You know what I'm saying? Like a racist shit. Like I robbed houses and shit. Yeah.

And all of a sudden they let me on this set. Trust me. Shit. I'm still stealing shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, and that doesn't make me a better person, but just the fact that I had gotten on like made me fucking like something's going to come out of this.

I didn't look at it for what I had done. You know what I'm saying? Of course. Something's going to come out of this. Somebody's going to call me. Nobody ever fucking called. So that was a big bitter point, but I never got bitter. You get angry.

You get sad. It fucks you for a month. You have a good set. It all goes away. It all goes away. You got a good set and somebody licks you and that's that. And it all goes away. You brand fucking know.

I remember you, you called me. I'll never forget. This is how, you know, like we're like, you're like my, the older brother I never had, you know, because you called me the night that I got bounced from last comic standing. And you told me, you said, look, dude, it's going to feel like you got hit in a place you never knew existed. But you also said, it's only going to last about a week.

You know, that's it. And you're going to be fine. And I remember you told me, you said, the best thing to do is just go do a spot some more. Go do a spot for, you know, a couple of nights in a row and you're going to have that one home run and you'll be like, oh, listen, the people who listen to this podcast, I'm no five beta Kappa, but I know about one thing, recovery.

Yes. I know from recovery from getting beatings and recovery. Right. I know from physical beatings to mental beatings to emotional beatings. Right. I know the recovery route to all three of those beatings. You know, the fucking, the beating, you put a steak on your

head and you stay in until the bruises disappear. The other shit. Nobody knows you have bruises. Right. Nobody knows you have bruises. So they don't know, you know, I know at times in my life I had mental health issues that I cleared up, you know, you do, there's a month you do 20 days of blowing that month.

Your mind goes somewhere. It didn't take me till after I came out of that trance to understand that, you know, the emotional shit, that's, that's the long one. I read a great article in the New York Times about Patton Oswald. If anybody knows what's going on. He said he'll never be a hundred percent again. It's the saddest thing.

Yeah. Well, listen. You never think you'll be a hundred percent because how bad you feel and sure when you mourn a loss. And that's one of the worst ways. I mean, there's no good way to lose somebody you love, but holy shit. The way that happened is just, oh man, I, I, I, every time I see

an article about him, I see he's doing well. I know exactly where he's at. Right. And I, and I know he's not doing drugs, which is good because the drugs are temporary, but they take you somewhere else again. They take you to a deep spot again. So now you're not recovering from the drugs. You're recovering from the drugs on that fucking darkness that

you saw for fucking a week. So I know all about this shit. And it doesn't last guys. It doesn't last unless you let it. Absolutely. And there's no formula. It's not a dog. It's not a cat.

It's not a human being. It's not a chick that licks your balls or gasoline on it. It's not a guy who comes on your titties. It's not somebody who has money. You never know what the formula is until it comes right in front of you. And then you go, wow, I'm, I'm over this. All right.

At least I feel with my mother, I could honestly tell you that there's times I go to a dark place now and I tear up just thinking about it. So that lets me know I'm really not over it or maybe I'm over a part of it. Where my dad. Yeah. But at the other side of it, you know, relationships.

Yeah. Movie disappointments. You know, I didn't go to Montreal. I didn't think I felt all those years. My first five years here, if it wasn't for the stupid movies and the commercials I booked that put me on the map in a way, like, because like I've said a thousand times on this podcast, you're a struggling comic hit or something happens

that they see you on TV. And even if it's a small thing, even if you're in a commercial and you just bend over and go, hey, it's my lucky day. Yeah. People, comedy bookers see that. Assistants see that and they tell the people, oh, I saw Jerry in a commercial.

Yeah. And that's it. Not that you're rich or you mean anything. You could hit. You just put the odds a little higher that you're going to have a career in this town. What about our friend, Dustin Ibarra? Like, I met him a few years ago.

I was thinking about him today. I met him a few years ago with you at the coffee shop. And now he's about like, I just looked at his thing. He's done like every TV show and movie. Oh, the kid works. And now he's about to like co-star on a show with Felipe. With Felipe. The kid works.

He has a great look. He's got a great look. He's goofy. He's funny. And he's a nice guy. And he's a nice guy. And he's young. Yeah.

You know, all those guys, you see him now. In ten years, you see some of them. And there's one or two guys that are bitter. Every comedy thing has a bitter comic. Oh, God. And I prayed not to become one of those guys. Do you know what, do you know when I realized, okay, I don't want to be this guy?

It was two things. It was the first guy who was the house emcee. And remember, you know, sometimes if you knew the, if you knew the headliner, if you knew the middle, right, you would come in and this house emcee would walk up and they would always introduce themselves with, look, you're normally a headline, but they would always have an excuse built in as to why they were the emcee.

Do you remember that? It was always like, and you're like, what dude, you don't need to tell me like, I don't, you know, let's just do, just go up. It's fine. Like nobody's judging you, you know, but they always have that immediate like, okay, well, here's my excuse. Don't judge me.

I'm, I promise you, I'm a headliner, but you know, fuck, and then they start going off in this random outlay. The other one, I thought, okay, I don't ever want to do that. And then the one that really hit home was when I was in El Paso at the club working. El Paso was the place where I saw, I did a lot of work in El Paso.

You and I were very fortunate. Yes. That Bart Reid loved this feature act. He used to call me every six weeks and then he let me stay two weeks, one time, three weeks. It was the best. It was the best. Because he had a condo and you could, it was in your

apartment for like a month. Sometimes people come by and it was crazy. And they had a pool. Yeah. They had a pool and it was around the corner from a supermarket on Friday. So Yucatan. Yeah.

So if you did a pound of blow, you walked down to that supermarket. It was next to an Arby's. That's where I've realized how bad Arby's had become. Right. Right. Arby's like a 98 down there. I hadn't been Arby's since like the eighties.

It was fucking this meat that looked. Oh, it got shitty dude. They got shitty. But El Paso, you worked El Paso. There was a lot of the Michigan rooms, the Buffalo rooms, all the Yoda runs. The Yoda runs are great. The Yoda runs, 50% of the triple runs.

Some of the triple runs were tremendous. Okay. Some were awful, but some are great. Those are the runs where you bumped into. Yes. Comics that were very, my first run ever. I started with a guy named David Tribble. I was a host at one of his nights.

This is in the Northwest, right? This is in Boulder. Oh, wow. He had a night at a bar called The Broker. Wow. When they opened up, the Broker was always open. When they started the colony, they had a magician who was an old guy. The Broker was known for, in those days in Boulder, there was the Friday

afternoon club. Excuse me, had become one of the biggest pickup places in the country. Playboy had even put it in this place, the Hilton, Harvest Hilton or something in Boulder, was one of the biggest pickup places in the country. And on Friday afternoon club, you saw cars lined up all around the wrap-up hall.

It was fucking craziness, you know? I don't even know what I'm talking about. Can I tell you this real quick, where I grew up in Dallas, I grew up in the village apartment complex, and there was a Tom Thumb grocery store. It's still there, but it used to be in this place called Old Town Shopping Center. It's still there. All that's still there, right?

Tom Thumb made Playboys top five places to get laid in America back in the 80s, because it was the grocery store that all the college kids who went to SMU would go to. So you would go there on a Friday or Saturday night, dude. It was like you were in a nightclub. It was just packed. It was like tailgate parties, almost. People hooking up.

It was incredible. So it's funny you say that, but yeah, I remember those places existed back then. It was like, just impossible not to get laid if you go there. So that was the kid one? Yeah. And then the adult one was the Broker on Wednesday night. Okay.

And they had a shrimp bar. Wow. And then when I first started going to the Broker, I was married. And somebody said to me, do you want to go for a drink? I didn't know. I was selling cars. I just got out of a halfway house. I didn't really drink, but it would be nice.

You work late sometimes. Let's go and talk business. Me and this guy sold the car. He took me to the Broker one night and I was blown away. Like it was the cheesiest fucking place ever. You know, guys wore cologne and disco ball. And if you went from five to seven, they gave away free shrimp. So every mooch in Boulder bought a soda and they could get free shrimp.

Like a salad bar, a cheese bar. Let me tell you something, man, that bar was great. Sunday nights, they had two movies and a dinner for 15 bucks. That's not bad. Shit, that's great. But they were violating copyrights for some reason. Yeah. Yeah, they're not paying universal for this.

Oh, they stole a reel from somewhere. They would just run it. They would just run two movies. That's gonna blockbuster. Put it in. They put Charles Bronson in it. But people would go down there with blankets. It was the cool.

Come on, guys. Nobody does this shit no more. They would get hot cocoa in the winter when it snowed. So they had a comedy night and I was just becoming a comedian. Like it was like an episode of Celia Cruz. That's Celia on Netflix. It's in Spanish. It's fucking tremendous.

I'm up to episode 20. Nice. Nice. And it's changed my life. Like it's fucked me up because I may remember the Cuban person that I am. But anyway, going back to that, I started comedy in July and in August, in the paper, they would put ads for comedy night in Bowling. I would go, what the fuck?

I'm a comedian. I was on no comedian. I'd been on stage twice. I went to New York. I came back and they had a contest. Yeah. And I went down there. And anyway, I won it.

Nice. And the house emcee was terrible. And the man would go, you see how many people came to see me the other night? I'd do like this every Tuesday. What he didn't know was I was selling Valium. Right. So I'd make people come down there and buy V's. And they would give.

That's the way to do a bringer. That's the way to do a bringer show. And I would sell Coke. Whatever I had that was hot and illegal. You want to buy it, you got to go to the broker on Tuesday night. What do you mean? I can pick back this motherfucker. Oh my God, hysterical.

And I got in there and I became family. And, you know, I was 28, 28, 29. And then I was just separated. And there was waitresses. And I would talk to the waitresses. And I fell for one at first. I fell for one hot waitress. Those are always the first love of our lives.

That waitress. And she had a boyfriend. I'm trying to win her from the boyfriend. Oh, no. You're going to steal her? Oh, I was trying really hard. She was beautiful. And I remember one night we were by a gate and she said, I can't do this with you anymore.

And I broke down and started crying like a little girl. I was weak. Oh. I was right after my divorce. I was on the road. I've been there, bro. I've been there, man. But then January came and I came out of there.

A new stack of waitresses came in out of college. And I started dating this one. You wiped your tears off. Oh my God. I wiped those tears. I told you, you only get depressed for like three or four days. It's true. It's true.

And I was sitting at home. This is embarrassing to say. A stack of waitresses. I won the contest December 18th. I won the contest December 18th. And at that time they were home for Christmas vacation. They had just graduated. Right.

And I had just seen a bunch of them and then I didn't get the job till after January. So here I am for 10 fucking days sitting in this house. I swear to God, I got no reason to lie to nobody. I lived in a condo. All right. The condo was up for sale. There wasn't a sticker furniture in this place. Wow.

Just a cabinet. Yeah. With a TV, a VCR. And upstairs there was a towel. There was a guy's bathroom. Yeah. My wife had been gone for three months at this time. Okay.

The bedroom was just a bed. They even took the box brings Lee. Jesus. I couldn't sleep up there because they took the curtain. I don't know about curtains. They took the fucking curtains. Wow. And I'm going to have to sleep downstairs.

It was a fucking nightmare. Till this day, these are the emotional beatings you take. God. And here I am single. I don't have my kid for Christmas. I'm sitting there. I'm doing blow. I'm living like a doctor because I got like eight credit cards left.

So I was going to the DZO and getting 30 for lunch, 30 for dinner, 30 for breakfast. I was like, oh, you should have seen me signing tabs, having a good old time. That's on me. That's on me. I got this. And then I fucking was heartbroken in one day. I went over there on a Tuesday. They do come.

I started talking to waitress. I tell you, you know, we started talking, talking, talking, talking. I saw the next Tuesday we started talking. Then I went out for a drink. We did karaoke. You know, she was fresh out of college and I was like 30 and shit. What are you singing karaoke? I busted out Michael Jackson.

Remember the time? Oh, do you? I had an alligator bar. It was an Australian bar with pool tables. And that's where they went after the broker. And I went up there and sang and I could see she was smoking cigarettes, drinking. I'm like, I got this. You got this.

You got it. But she was cleaning soap. But she only drank. Okay. And she didn't even smoke cigarettes. Like, you know, she was trying to be a wild one. Right. So she was smoking.

And I fell in love with it. She was a cute fucking girl. So here I was the host. She was a waitress. I'd be there on Tuesday nights, but I was in there every day for lunch on the arm. Because she was the owner's daughter. Oh, wow. So she told me, come for lunch.

I'll buy you lunch. So I would go there. They had the best rice, crispy treats. Beautiful. In the world. They had a buffet. And since I was the king of swing, I could order lunch and dibble from the buffet. Forget about it.

But that was like all my other comedian friends at that time were really struggling for stage time. But I had as much time on a Tuesday as I wanted to. Oh, that's great. As a young comic. That's God. And every week you had a right because every week the same people came to the fucking show. Oh, that's even better.

So you were forced to write. It was hard. What do you mean better? It was hard. It makes you better. One day I would sit in the apartment and try to write. Try to write. Yeah.

These papers from the week. I would just try to write local material. But that's okay. You learn how to write. Yeah. You learn how to write. You learn how to write, man. And I remember coming out one time with two cups on my tits.

Yeah. Vogue and shit. Yeah. Listen, man. I was a young comic. I was in love with this girl. I was divorced. I got a new fucking, you know, or whatever, a fucking lease in life.

That was. And I met Stan Hope. I was featured there the first time. Kermit Hapio. I met Rob Long there. I met a lot of neat guys there. The guy that helped Vinnie Kerr to write scripts. It was a town coordinator at the store in the 70s.

I met him there when I came out here. It was like, you remember me? Yeah. How are you? Oh my God. You're here. You were the fucking host. You were terrible.

Oh my God. I left that going. Jesus. You're here. You know. That's great. I was there for a year and a half. I pushed the manager.

He went to the bookshelf. Nice. And I got fired. That was the end of that fucking tour. You know, in El Paso, my big kind of like, okay, this is what I definitely don't want to be was we're working. I was working with a dude who you and I have talked about on several occasions. I think, you know, that is.

And he was on the phone with, you know, the old guy who used to run Addison Improv Trey. Right. And this guy was on the phone with Trey. And I'll never forget. I'm still a middle. I'm still a kid. I don't know what, you know, and I hear him going, yeah, fuck L.A. I'm never going to, you know what, if they want me, they know where to fucking find me.

They can come find me. And I thought, oh, you don't want to be that guy because no one they're like, they're going to go to fucking El Paso to scout this guy. Like that's this isn't fucking baseball, you know, like they don't send fucking scouts out to all the clubs. Like that's not how it works. And that's how I was like, I don't want to be that chicken shit guy who, you know, just get so bitter that they get afraid and they have to just, oh, well, okay.

I'm, it's like they want to jump on their own grenade. You know, they're so afraid of hearing no that they're like, well, fuck it, I'll just jump on the grenade. So I, it's just, I can, you know, like nobody can reject me if I don't take a chance at anything. It's just, I never wanted to be like that. You know, and it was interesting saying like the way you cope with shit when my dad died, moving out here is what helped right after he passed away.

I'm like, fuck it. It's time to go to L.A. What am I? I'm just wasting my time just spinning my wheels here in Texas. It's time to move. You know, I'm not the people of all ages and listen to this podcast, you know. It's really weird. Like to be young and to make that jump, how important that jump is sometimes.

Even if you just stick your head out, like go for it on February 2nd, look around and go back home after nine months. Your friend Ashley. I did that the first time. Your friend Ashley. She came, she saw, it wasn't for her. She was here for a couple of years. Yeah.

She was here for a couple. Yeah. And I'm not mad. I don't get mad at those people. No, she's killing him boss. Yeah. Yeah. There's some people go, you know what?

I could have done better at home, but at least you got out. You had an experience. Yes. You know, when the podcast started, you were asking me where I live unless it's no mess that we were talking about, I broke into a cheese shop one night. I was at a bar. I was 19 years old, guys. I still had the bug.

In those days, you know, some people drink and do stupid things. Of course. I would drink and steal. Right. I would go crazy. Now, could you do it sober or did you have to be, did you have to have a drink in you? You know, I mean like, like I would be home for a week and a half and to unbreak the homesickness.

Like I've broken all these things down in my head. You know, like I was addicted not to drugs at that time. Right. Excuse me. I was a reefer head at that time when I moved to Colorado the first time I understood it was to be a real hippie. It's not those guys with the long hair that stick. It's an attitude.

These guys were laid back. Nothing bothered. I never understood what laid back was until I went to snow mass village the first time in 1983 really. So I was telling these guys that one night I had this bedroom like when I got to basalt I moved into a room that had belonged to somebody else that he had to go home because there was an emergency in his family. So all I did when I got there was take the sheets off, flip over the mattress, wash the

sheets and they were mine that had become my bed. So when we moved out of there, the kid came back and took all his stuff. So the apartment I got with my buddy basically had nothing. I mean nothing. I moved in there. There was a black and white TV, a table, an oak table with a fucking milk crate under it, a couch that stunk and there was nothing in the rooms with nothing. So at first I put like a fucking mat down and I put a sheet over and I slept like a

fucking Indian like Bruce Lee and Fista Fury under a tent and shit like in the room and the apartment was clean. It was fucking tremendous to pay. It was the Creekside apartments I think at the time and they were fucking pretty much new, you know, and his brother, my roommate's brother also from my neighborhood was a carpenter on a job site that was the biggest building in Snowmass Village at the time. It looked like a battleship. That's what people call it.

They built a fucking battleship up there. So one day I went to meet him and I go, I thought these things were being built but they had already a condo that had the furniture, the flowers, the towels, the fucking bath mats, something out of a fucking magazine cover. Like a model home. Like a model home. So I go in there and I see this shit. Like an IKEA display.

Yeah. I go home. I go, Jim, I go, Jim, I saw something very interesting. He goes, what? I go, you know the way your brother works? They got apartments instead of fucking got furniture. He goes, Joe, we can't do that. You don't have to do nothing.

Let me go snoop around. Yeah. And then on the Sunday night I went up there, the door was open. Damn. Like the realtor. What's the door open? Jesus. I went in, put the light on, I took everything I could, I put it in a circle, including a

mattress and a fucking box break and I made three or four climbs that today I could never do it. No. And I did it between nine and like two in the morning. Wow. With fucking wheelbarrows. And then he finally got up. He was drunk.

He finally got up and he helped me carry like loads. And nobody woke up? None of that shit. No one. Nothing. There was nobody in the building. There was no construction. And they didn't go like apartment to apartment looking?

No, no, no, no. They didn't know. And I went into the fucking one room and there was all the tools and Jimmy's like, let's rob tools. I'll never forget. He got like a bar and stuck it in and put his feet up against the thing and he started pulling back and it just broke and he landed on his back and he's like, ugh. We went and furnished a whole apartment.

It went like, we went from fucking zero to a hundred towels, bat mats. From an air bed to a full display of everything. Oh my God. We had everything, a new couch. And finally the brother knocked on the door and then he goes, hey, what's going on? He was telling me it wasn't you guys and he came in and started laughing. He goes, trust me. I was thinking of doing it.

He goes, throw me a lamp and I won't say no. And that was the end of that. We had all this new furniture. That's kind of on them to build a department, not have it be completed and furnish it empty that you're asking for that to fucking happen. And no security with Joey Diaz around 1983. You're crazy. Come on.

You couldn't leave a nickel down without me clipping it. A nickel. I was a clip from 81. I started clipping heavy like, let's face it. I clipped for years like when I was a young kid, little things, bicycles and shit. I knew shit was clipped and I just turned the other way. How easy was it for you to spot a mark back then to be like, oh, I could get that place. Like, I'll fuck you.

I could get them. Was it like a couple of pass bys? Could you do it on one sitting? Like you just see a store for a little bit and go, Jesus, they don't do anything in that back room. Like I could get them. I went crazy. I saw a movie called Thief.

Yeah. In 1981. And that's it. Well, that was it. Was it like a how to? The movie? Was it literally like a movie? Oh, okay.

Two of the families lived in that building that knew my mom. Oh, okay. Had known my mom well. Right. Well, this is a black lady who was like a seamstress and shit in Manhattan and they drank it. And I forget what her name was. She had like a mulata last night. Yeah, sure.

But the other two lived in the building with a lady named Lachina. Okay. She was a Cuban Chinese chick. Oh, nice. And her husband, Mungito. And I was about five maybe. Okay. And Mungito and me became tight.

And I didn't know what Mungito, you know, when you're five, you don't care what people do. No, right. Because after the point where my mom would go, what do you want to do to her? And I go, I'm going to all the chicken delight and go upstairs and hang out with Mungito on China. And for the first couple of times, Mungito would be in a bedroom and the China would talk to me.

And there's one time I went up there and finally Mungito was let him in. And I went in there. Mungito had one of those operations with the spinning wheel with the heavy duties. Yeah. Yeah. And he would take those things that for, for to measure a spark plugs. Okay. In those days.

And he turned them into keys and I asked him, what are you doing? Finally, he told me he was a burglar and he would bring me chains and little rings and shit. And my mom knew everybody knew he was a professional fucking burglar. That's what he was. In fact, the years later, he went to jail for robbing man coach. He's the one that. No way.

This guy was the real deal. So I didn't see him for years after that, but him and her broke up or something. But I always had that vision of this dude was so cool. He was a thief. So I never told my mom and shit, but right away I started clipping nickels at the bar and rolls the corridors and my mom would ask me, every time you come around, something disappears. I had a problem with that too as a kid taking some money.

Always. Always. Oh man. Always. And I wouldn't take it from my mother's purse. I got to be like eight or nine. Right. That's when he got ballsy.

Like I can do this. I can do it my hand. I'm fine. Oh fuck. Like she fucking held it with a lighter and she was like, listen, I knew it was you. You got the kiss of death. Oh, I set you up like a motherfucker. You dumb fuck.

I left that 20 waving and you clipped it and that was it. She knew I was clipping 20s from the dry cleaner. And again, she would look at me and go, so wait a second, mysteriously, we lost the 20 and mysteriously you found the GI Joe behind a fucking garbage can in the Bronx. Only you could find the brand new GI Joe behind the garbage can in the Bronx. That's great. You know, I did a club in Honey in Orange County one time and I remember the door guy. I was after an hour selling my TV all that bullshit and the guy was taking his flashlight.

I was like, what are you doing, dude? And he goes, oh, because he was the bouncer because do you know how many people drop 20s when they're paying for drinks? He was just right by the bar where the stools were. And he probably made like 400 bucks almost a night on the hot nights there because people just take up. They get drunk. They start paying for the cash.

Just comes falling out and they don't even notice that they've dropped like 60, 70 dollars just right there. It's crazy, man. It's crazy. Yeah. So my, my, my whole thing with Thievery started then that I was okay. And then when I got to North Bergen, that was it. Those kids were animals.

They just kind of, they were kind of, we were young kids. We were already not giving on terrorists. We were already savages. So that kind of enabled you to keep going. You know, it mixed all of us little savages together. There's a story I tell about Raul. Raul was a kid who moved across the street from your house, not up the corner, not three houses up the block.

There was a house across from 35, 15 giving on terrorists. I showed Lee right across the street from where I grew up. There was a fucking house right there. Yeah. And one day me and my little fucking friends are down the corner and we see the moving truck. And we look at each other and we go, there it is. There's the first school we're going to break into.

And they fucking went in, dumped a bunch of stuff and we counted the guys. They didn't hit the block. And we were already in the backyard kicking in the window. Guess what I take the stereo with the speakers. Okay. I don't know nothing about nothing. So they just got a house and the first trip, the first load they bring is gone by the time.

Being six little goombas, the Olsen brothers, no teeth, you know, who else. So they bring the second load and the first load is gone. Yeah. I was on it. God rest his soul. There was like five of us that went on going in and just clean it up. And I took the speaker and the stereo. Okay.

So the next day I get up there's this fucking cops outside. They're asking questions. Even then. I don't know. So wait, you broke into the house instead of just taking it from the truck? Well, no, because they left the truck. They emptied the truck and went to pick my shit up. They dropped the first load.

They take the truck. So what kids? What 12? I got to be 12. I got to be maybe tops. No, no, no. I was 12. If they had been dumb enough to leave the truck there, y'all would have taken the truck.

Are you ready? Yeah. Somebody would have learned how to drive it. That was a crazy fucking neighborhood. We could have found somebody. So this is like our first junior heist. We take this shit. I take the stereo.

That's not a bad fucking heist for the dude. Yeah. But guess what happens? He moves in and it's a kid named Raul. Oh, no. And Raul was a serious basketball player. He was Puerto Rican from the Bronx. Okay.

And he was tremendous. We needed this kid on the team. In the first day in school, he's like, I moved in and somebody broke into my fucking house and took my stereo. So now I became friends with Raul. Oh, no. Raul would come over for dinner and shit. How would you explain it, dawg?

You can't go to my bedroom. Yeah. My mom doesn't like anybody in there. For like a year, Raul wasn't allowed in my bedroom. Poor Raul. Did your mom ever say, why don't you guys go to your bedroom? You told her that, right? Man, what would your mother have done had she seen y'all doing that?

Well, what happened was later on, my mom and their mom became friends. And then it got really fucked up. So I told my mom that somebody else had stolen it and I bought it for them. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah. Did she believe it? Yes. Okay.

Okay. And that was because we had a friend, Eddie Lomenca. Lomenca was a dude that was five foot one. Cuban had no disregard or respect for nothing. Oh, man. So if there was something that you left for a minute, it was Eddie's. And the problem with Eddie was he was lightning in real life like you couldn't catch him. Jesus.

Like you couldn't catch him. There's no way you could bust him taking shit. Yo, wow. So Eddie would come to your house once a day with something, the jewelry store. Hey, look what I got. Boxes. I remember one time we robbed a box of condoms. We went to get ice cream and we're walking back and there's a pharmacy.

We robbed a box. We don't even know what I use a condom. But everybody got condoms in the neighborhood. Everybody had two condoms in their wallet. We were like, I got my wallet. We had felt like a king, man. I never saw a tit at that time in my life. We're walking around with a condom in my fucking wallet.

Oh, that's great. Jesus, yeah. And then there was a kid next to me, Valentin Farrell. And he was a fucking professional bicycle klepto who I adored. I called him about a year ago. He didn't call me back. He fucked with me for about a week. Yeah.

Was he just pop chains? Valentin was you with bicycles. This is before the computer. Oh, yeah, okay. Valentin nor drank nor smoked. Yeah. He was a fucking nerd. Like, if you pulled up in front of Valentin's house and just had a conversation with him

with a bicycle, he'd find something wrong with your bicycle, call you an idiot. You're walking around with a stupid fucking bicycle. You should oil that fucking, you should oil that fucking chain, your fucking asshole. Something wrong with a spoke and he finds it. And then he'd go, how come you don't have a sissy bar? How you got a pop wheelie? He's got a sissy bar in the back. Give me $3 later.

And he'd come and install a sissy bar. Damn. While you were talking to him. He was a genius. He was one of those nerds. Yeah. I can't say what he does now, but now I'm sure what he became. Right.

He was one of those nerdy dudes. And then one day I said something to him. I go, you're looking for a handlebar. I saw a bike tied up and he's like, what do you think? Can I steal it? And I didn't, I thought that it belonged to something that was selling it like on 39th Street and he went and stole it. Wow.

And like a day later, he took the handlebars, put it on his bicycle and he built another bicycle from that bicycle. They came looking for that bicycle and he had it right there. He goes, why? I don't even know what's in my bike. Fuck. He was a great painter. He taped everything.

He took everything off all that metal. He took off. He polished it. He fucking nailed down the serial number and put another serial number down. He was a genius. He was a genius at 12 and he was a speed demon. He would get on the bicycles and go up to the top of the hill and shoot down and shit. Trust me.

I can't go into how many bad things I did to him. I got him on a putt-putt one night over the holidays. Oh, shit. You know those kind of ones? Yeah, sure. And he fucking hit black ice and the seat wasn't screwed in. Fuck. He looked right at me.

He just left all the bike. I could live to be 100. Oh, fuck. And I will never forget that night. That's amazing. He did probably, the thing was like a 50 cc. Yeah. Richy Vanacheck was another nerd with glasses that used to go hunting.

Wow. And he revved that engine up to like a 75 cc. And it was like Christmas. You want a water, bro? I'm good. I'm good. Thank you. It was like Christmas.

And we traded motorcycles. Wow. And fucking sure was up. That's great, man. You know, it's funny. When I went to Colorado, I had a friend that was sending me stolen stuff. Lee couldn't get rid of it. Wow.

What do you mean you couldn't get rid of it? Right now, if I came to you, Lee, and I said, Lee, guess what? I got a box of fucking, I got a truckload of microphones out there, Lee. Okay. Every time you start a podcast, you can sell them microphones. Of course. Lee's not from that environment. He would not buy them.

Lee would not understand. Lee would not understand. Yeah, yeah. Because all the way those marked, can they trace it back to me? Yeah. When I was growing up, it was very, you would walk into people's homes and somebody's parents would say, excuse me, what size shirt are you? What's the matter?

Large? Hold on a second. Mildred, bring out those shirts. They start putting shirts on you and the family, the fathers, the salesmen. I grew up with a family specifically that I would go to their home to place bets. And every time I go to their home, there was always something. You walked out of there with, now you're old, the guy, $90. I went in there fucking up 40.

You're not going to play a game. Yeah. I went in there up 40. I had 80 in my pocket to go snort. You're not going to do fucking wardrobe. No, you're not going to do wardrobe. He had a garage that was busting at the seams. Jesus.

When I tell you guys, it was, he couldn't close it like from all the stolen shit in there. And he would go in there looking and go, I just got him a week ago. He'd open it up and start pulling shit out of there all over the street. And there'd be shit all over the street. Then he'd find those pair of sneakers for you. Give me 15. Put it on the arm. Come by.

When are you going to come by with my money? Next week? Okay. Put them on. They look nice on you. Not only was it a thief. He got them from somewhere. Somebody would dump a load on him.

But he knew how to dress you. He got those black pants with that brown pair of pants. I got some black pants. You're going to look like fucking Al Capone when you're even. You're like 13. You're like, what the fuck? I'm buying pants at the house. You saw that Eddie Alvarez-Aria-Hawani walk?

Remember he walked by a store with the fake necki shirts? And then he said this guy in the store had been there forever. Just like stolen fake necki shirts. Wow. Back then, there was really like, I remember because I was a very little kid back then. I still have the memories of like being like a 10 years old, 9 years old family does a road trip to Vegas. Right?

And the minute you get near the strip, eight dudes were trying to sell my uncle a gold watch, a gold chain. You know what I mean? It was just this back then. Right? Am I wrong? It would just seem like it was just the Wild West for that kind of shit where people would bootleg any fucking thing, any handbag.

Like my aunt was a, she taught a high school, all Mexican high school in Dallas, dude. You go to the parking lot and after school every day from like 81 to 87, it was kids selling handbags that were either stolen or fakes, right? All that shit. Just that's all it was 24 seven. It was interesting how there was just no, like it was just kind of a thing and you'd be like, shit, are they going to get busted? And they never got fucking busted.

At least that you saw. They were just there every Friday night after school, they would just be sitting there trying to sell shit when school ended. It was crazy. I never really met hijackers until I got out of North America and came back and they didn't sell you the stuff. They dumped the whole load somewhere, you know, but it's funny how when my mom had the bar when I was a kid, Italians would come in there with dresses, women's shoes, sneakers.

Once they get to know you, they know, they'll look at you before they leave. They already come prepared. Mm hmm. Yeah, some of them would show up with the fucking thing. There's a movie called Family Business with Sean Connery. Yes. I remember this. Matthew Broderick.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Dustin Hoffman. And Dustin Hoffman. That's right. Yeah. And every scene in three other scenes in that movie, a guy with stone stuff shows up and it's fucking perfect at how it was happening in New York in the mid-seventies because my

mom used to go to a bar before we went to a track. I was like fucking six. Right. And I still remember that guy like in my head, what he looked like, like, you know, he was selling watches, but this guy in this movie did it perfect. The first scene he comes in and Sean Connery is drinking with Matthew Broderick at the bar and he walks in, hey, how are you doing? What's going on?

Oh, this is Paulie's guy. I know you're dead. What's going on? How are you doing? What do you got tonight? Oh, I got five baguettes, $300 up and down Broadway. I got them for $90. Oh, that's badass.

And he goes like this. Like he goes, I got them up and down Broadway. They go for $300. I got them right here tonight for 75 bucks. And right away he goes, what size are you? And he gives them the shoes. And right away he's already done. 90.

That's just the way it is. Oh, man. You bought it. You took it. He knew. And if you didn't have the money, he was fine. He'll get you next week. He'll get you next week because he's coming back with a suit.

Right. But you know that and they were for you to have these shoes, they were really 300 plus tax. He's got them right there for 75 fucking dollars. Think about that. Like you were getting the best sale of your life. And then you look at the other guy and go, what are you, a nine? Yeah.

I got you. I got you. I got this. It was fucking beautiful. Then he shows about the weight. The dude that owns the bar, guys, and this motherfucker, there's a thousand cops in the room. Gangsters.

And he show he walks and he goes, oh, look at all the boys they had tonight. It was like this and all of a sudden, two little fucking thugs are going to rack jackets. And he's like, how are you doing, boys? I got you. He's like, how are you guys doing? All right. This jacket. This is a fucking Italian weave.

It goes for 800 all over the East side. I got it right here for 200 cash. What size do you? 42. I mean, he always had your number. And then you see him later on at the fucking, when they dumped the ashes, he's carrying like a load of TVs, fucking five floors. Those guys are relentless.

Those guys wouldn't exist out here. You know who? Somebody would call the cops on them. You know who got, you know, who replaced him? And this is what I really think. The modern day version of high skies are the people who do the storage auctions, who own those fucking storage facilities and then the people can't pay them and now that shit's theirs and they just sell it.

Like that is, how is that any different really? You know what I mean? It's just a legal way of robbing people is just to say, here, put your shit in storage. Yeah. 80 bucks a month. Oh, whatever you don't need. Just put it in storage and then people forget they don't make payments, then they lose all that shit and they just sell it.

They just auction it. There's even a fucking TV show about it with that fucking storage wars. You know, people, I mean, that's like, that's that modern day heist. You ever lose the storage? I did. My mom did. I was so pissed. All my concert t-shirts were in a box and I was like, oh, it was like, come on.

Sony, Trinitron, a way of lifting bench. I had a fucking mattress that was tremendously comfortable. How many months did they give you to pay rent? I paid it for six months. I called. I didn't fucking know the game. I thought you could, you know, I was trying to chuck and drive. Yo, that shit's like Vegas, dog.

Those those storage places are like Vegas. No, I didn't fucking know. The house always wins with storage. They always get you, dude. And I've never heard of a good story with a storage. I'm a bunch of storage. They always end up like, God, if I fell behind, fuck it. And then all your shit's gone.

It's just I'm telling you, dude, that's the modern heist. That's why I'm never going to do that. Fuck it. I'll just throw it away. I'll sell it. I'll give it to the fucking one of my nephews, one of my cousins, something. But that storage shit, you're just asking it. You're asking to be somewhere in Laredo right now. There's some other fucker walking around with my nirvana concert t-shirt.

My faith no more. My octung baby, like they got all that shit. It's oh, man, it's the worst when you. I had to start from scratch two or three fucking times. The one time after you were laughing at house emcees, I was a house emcee in Miami for four fucking. Yeah, but you weren't a bit of comic. You were starting.

I was. I was a different. I wasn't starting. I was here already. Oh, OK. And my car got towed. My apartment got towed. Well, there you go. Shit, you have no choice. And I go joke.

Whatever the manager, can you give me fifteen hundred for four weeks? Because I don't know how I can do that. Yes, you can. You can do it. He did it. And I went down and that was a. What's that store that they always have sales? I don't know what you're talking about. Joe's something. Yeah, what do they call those fucking stores?

Fuck, it's. They're popular as fuck. They got three t-shirts. It's the men's clothing place. No, they got everything. They got women's clothing, too. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, anyway, they have this store

in the heart of fucking Miami and coconut growth. Like it doesn't belong and it's two floors. And I would go in there and get. And here's the other thing that they had. Clothes that are heavier that we could wear out here, but you can't wear it back. You'll melt if you wear that. So it was amazing.

I got these deals. So I went in there after I had no clothes. Get a velour tracksuit for 20 months. Two and a half. I got a whole fucking wardrobe. Yeah, they threw in the socks. I was brand new after four weeks in Miami. Eating human food, talking Spanish.

But you came back, though. That's the difference. So those a lot of those house emcees are the lifers who they get so disillusioned and they get so bitter. And you know the guy I'm talking about. He wasn't a house emcee, but it's like this thousand. Listen, man, let's pretend I would have came out here and the shit wouldn't have gone the way I thought.

Right. And all those years of traveling, there's one comedy club owner that I clip with always. Yeah, sure. And go, listen, guy, I'm going to buy. I'm not doing too well. Yeah. I know you got that extra comedy

kind of in the back of you used to fuck the waitresses. Right. Let me move in there. Let me get my life together. You bring a waitress. I'll get out of your way. We're writing class with young comics. Teach defensive driving. Teach offensive driving and whatever.

And then the weeks you don't want me, I'll pick up around Texas or I'll pick up around Arizona or Michigan or whatever. Listen, there's a couple of types of comics. And after the journey I've taken, I respect every single one because you have a choice on what to do. L.A. for everybody.

No. New York A for fucking everybody. But and I will say this to go against my point. You have to. I still you can't get mad at the fact that those guys are still doing it, at least. At least they didn't throw in the towel. At least they're actually still doing comedy.

I was going to ask that. Why? I mean, it's not a much thing that they should give up on if it's their dream. But if they do it, it's like it's like coaching. Like I remember that my algebra teacher in high school in junior year algebra was an old football coach and he would just sit there and draw plays

while we were all taking a test. And I would ask like, what are you doing? He goes, man, play something. Coaching ain't never leaving your blood. If you're a coach, you're a coach for life. Same thing with stand up. It never leaves you. There's no way any guy who's been in stand up comic

for more than a couple of years is ever not going to sit there and write jokes and want to do it. Like it just doesn't leave you. Let's pretend you come out here, you meet a girl, you have a child, you know? You're doing okay as a comic. You're a warmup on a TV show. Fucking hey.

You do some spots at the improv. Some club is higher. You got a night here, a night there. You do the Spanish clubs with Willie and Philippe Bain. Shit, you make a little money. You know what, man? And one day you go, you know what? We don't want to live anymore.

I respect that guy too. Cause he's got a fucking family. You know, maybe he gets a great deal in Arizona. His wife gets a great job. A lot of guys I helped, I started with Denver. They ended up having children. And what they did was they got a job. And then they did comedy.

They did those rooms. But they understood where they were. They knew their place. This is what I'm going to do in my life. I'm going to keep my day job, my family's insurance. And they were happy. My wife knows I do three nights a week out. I come here on Tuesdays and see the boys.

I go to McKelvie's on Thursdays. And those dudes are happy. Yeah, man, cause you know where the fuck you stand. You know, and you know, it ain't over till they put you in the casket. Look at Ronnie Dangerfield. It ain't over till they put you in the casket. That's the other thing that people never really,

you could be fucking, somebody was telling me what's his name story, Junior Soprano. He hadn't worked for years. And once in a year he goes to- He was in the Godfather too. Yeah, and he was in the Godfather. So you don't fucking know what, and you ain't over till it's over.

I think- Joe Pesci was a failed singer. He was working, his singing career didn't take off. And he was working at a restaurant. Do you remember that story? Yeah. He was working at a restaurant. It's like the, what do they call the guy?

The matriot D, the one A coming? Yeah, in New York. And he gets a phone call. It's De Niro and Scorsese. Ask him to be in Raging Bull. And he thinks it's a friend pranking him. So he goes like, fuck you, and he hangs up on him. And they call back.

They're like, this is really us. We want you to come read for this. Like you never, they never tell you the Bill Hicks story when he was doing Danger Fields for the first time. Do you remember, it was that girl, Sandy De Perna? Do you remember her? I remember the name. Okay, so she used to manage him way back when, right?

And this is always tell any young comic who's ever like, you know, when they get bummed out about having a bad set, none of that fucking matters. Okay, so Bill Hicks goes to New York for the first time. And she's his manager. And she knows, do you remember that guy? He managed everybody from like, Drew Carey to Foxworthy, Mussina.

Remember him? Like, okay. So at the time, I guess he knew a bunch of people in New York. And she said, it was either him or his brother, right? And she goes, look, I want this kid Bill. You know, he's, I think he's a really funny comic. He's amazing. I want to get him, you know,

just kind of get his feet wet in New York City. He goes, I'll give him a night at Danger Fields. We'll call him, we'll put him up. And he goes up, Bill Hicks, and he bombs his ass off. Just fucking bombs. He leaves the club. He goes to the, he goes to a pay phone. And he calls Sandy at like two in the morning

and is crying. He's like, look, you stuck your neck out for me and I let you down and I'm so sorry. I just, I can't, but she goes, look, it probably wasn't as bad as you thought. Just, you know, go to your hotel room, get some sleep. I'll call the guy in the morning. You know, I'm sure it'll be fine.

He goes to his hotel room, sleeps it off. She calls the dude the next morning. It's just, look, I heard my guy had a bad set. And he goes, no, no, he didn't have a bad set. He had the worst set that anybody has ever had in this club. That's how bad he was. And then she starts to apologize. She's like, oh my God.

And he goes, no, no, no, Rodney loved him. That was it. Rodney Dangerfield happened to be sitting at the back of his own fucking room, saw him and was like, fuck this audience, that guy. Like, and that was it. That he got him on his HBO special. That kickstarted his career.

Granted, he, you know, he wasn't as big in America as he was in England, but none of his career would have happened had it not been for the worst set of his fucking life. So it's amazing how, and I remember you told me this way back when, as long as you're still on stage, you're in the fight. As long as you still go up and perform comedy,

you're still swinging. You still have gloves on and you haven't been knocked out yet. And it's, you're absolutely right when you told me that. And that's, that story, it's like proof positive that like, if there's any comedian who's listening, I know you got a lot of comedian fans or comedians, don't ever get discouraged by a shitty set. Because you never know what the fuck could be,

because we're gonna have a million of them and you never know what's gonna happen. Like, could you imagine the best set of your, the worst set of your life ends up being what gives you a career? I mean, it happens, dude. Well, because somebody sees your point of view. Yeah, exactly. That's all they hate to see.

He had a voice. He wasn't, he wasn't a dumb, he didn't have any, he wasn't doing hacky shit. He had his own voice, he had his own style and broad new danger feels like, no, yeah, this guy's great. I don't know, fuck, I don't give a shit if the crowd's not laughing. This guy's amazing.

Yeah, he's doing my, you're doing my young comedian special. You know, I always tell people I learn lessons from criminal lessons. Right. It's really hard to explain it. Lee's catching on over the years. He giggles at night. Sometimes we stay here and smoke a number

and I'll never forget Sylaris. Sylaris is one of my all time favorite Jewish people. And Sylaris did those scams, like any type of scam. And when he took you, when you fell or whatever you did, you got hit by the bus or whatever you did the next day. He took you to the hospital and he took you to a fucking lawyer. Right.

Right. And as soon as you, you know, you went to the lawyer and the lawyer started giving you paperwork, what doctors you're going to see, neurologists, and what they basically would do when running up bills. The more bills, the more money you get. Okay. And they tell you, and you're like,

so when do I get my 30,000? Like, this is a job, we want you to, this is a job. But they said something that always stuck with me. You gotta punch it every day. Yeah, yeah. Okay, they had something fucked with me about that. They go, the work is punching in. I don't forget how they phrased, I'm sorry, I'm a little high.

Yeah, I don't see where deep in the murky was. But he goes, at the end of the day, this is just about punching it. He goes, the more you punch in, the more money we're going to get. The more you punch in, and it hit me weird. And that was the first time that got me. And then the second time it got me was

when I bumped into fucking Slash in the Riviera. I got no reason to lie to nobody. I had $3 in my pocket. I had cigarettes and water in my room, puddle water. In those days, I couldn't even afford the thing. I couldn't even have to deposit for the fucking phone. Like, Rogan would have to, like, be embarrassed. The Riviera ever paid me 200 bucks for the weekend.

For two shows at midnight. It was a fucking, and I went with Joe, and I'll never forget that. I was walking around from the oxygen. It was like some type of convention, like from comic books or t-shirts. They try to keep your ass away all fucking night. And Slash was there, and I asked him what happened,

and he goes, you know, right now you're broke, and you're struggling. He goes, but remember these times. Because these are the times that are gonna justify later on when you're getting big checks. This is so you don't lose your mind. Because that's what happens when people don't put in the work.

They lose it. They lose it later on because they know they didn't put in the work. I know for a fact that if I punched in, which opposite of that means, getting on stage. At any level, it could be a $50 set. When I first got into County, everybody wants you to be this big moneyer at it.

I didn't look at it that way. I looked at it as, what are you paying for this room? $50, okay. Lee, what are you paying for your room? $65 for the dinner. Remember those days? $60 and three drink tickets. Fuck you, they were the best.

$75 and three drink tickets. You know, $100, $350 spot. I thought it was a rock star. I'm like, oh my God. That's it, that's it. I got $50 cash. And then you start making $100 a week. Now it's $400 a month.

Then the next month you make an extra gig. $500 a month. Now you're in the game because you kept your nut low. Let me ask you this. Do you remember the first time you got back-to-back weeks? How crazy that felt? Remember that?

You were just like, fucking, hey, like I, I really, this is real, isn't it? Like this is- It's about to go down. This is real. Like I think I'm going to call some people. Yes, that was the best fucking feeling, man. That's a good point there.

That's great. Like just keep punching it. You have to. You have to. That's a secret that all these fucking dumb things. Because when somebody tells you, I want to be a doctor once I take you seven years, you look at it like fucking from here to eternity.

Of course. You know, we all look at stuff like it's a distance. I'll never do 10 years in prison. Fucking people do it all the time. And they come out and they can join a band and they get that thing. And they're back, bitch. Next thing you know, they're all low and on.

I don't know what you're talking about. I've been hearing all night. You know, the whole fucking. I remember there was this comedian in Dallas. Great guy named Dave Little. Super funny dude. He's still around. You know, he's just a doubt.

He was, he did the road for forever. And he pulled me aside one day when I was a kid because I was, the one comic was bitching. It was a showcase room in Dallas. And this dude was bitching. He was a new guy. Just came in and he was mad that they weren't paying him for a spot, right?

And this guy, Dave pulled me saying, because you see that guy, you don't ever want to be like that. He goes, if you're trying to, if you're doing this just to make money, leave right now. Because, you know, that's not, because you just have to want to do it.

You have to want to be good at it. And then you'll get a paycheck. Don't worry. It doesn't matter. $50, $22, $25. I didn't look at it that way. I remember putting it down in notebooks. Yeah.

Like when I first moved to LA, I put down every penny I made. And all those little Felipe rooms and Lazario rooms and those, you know, those rooms paid so many bills. So many Coke bills. The white room bills, the grocery bills and fucking, let me give some shout outs here real quick. Executive function.

Oh shit. Tau Moore, Dehey, Jr. Cosmic Timelessness. Cocaine Tamali's making a comeback. The nut man, Brett Baker. Cymart Zero and Peter Mandib Bar. Are you kidding me or what? Lee, how you feeling over there?

Is this Mafia game fucking downloaded or what? I think it probably is. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Two hours to download a game. I know. You popped it in like a CD. Pew, pew.

One of the days it just cost a quarter. You just put it in a quarter and it was ready to go. You just pop in that token at the arcade and you're ready to go. What do you got going on, Tarzan? Nothing much, man. Same old shit working on another hour. You know?

Yeah, you're just still sending out. Yeah, yeah. Doing a, I'm in Claremont this weekend at the Flappers and then I'm in, I'm in your old stomping grounds. I'll be at Lafts in Seattle, November 4th and 5th. Tom, you don't know me. Yeah. When you get to Seattle, dog,

anybody ask you something like that guy from Law and Order. I swear, I've been there for like, I've been Law and Order. Any good Chinese suit up there that might still be around? 20 years. Yeah, fuck, that's true, yeah. 20 fucking years.

There was two places that were growing heat in Seattle, but heat in that time for me, I couldn't find the night grow, but I did find soup, fried noodles, and a shrimp and lobster sauce that would kick you in the ballsack and take you right down by the stand. Two places I found and both places made them with prawns.

One place by the old improv, by the market, by that fish market. This is 20 years ago. Sure, sure. There was, when you came out of the market, you cross the street and you make a right on that street down and it was in there, it was a small joint. They had a creamy, it was different

than when you get in Boston or stuff like that, Lee. That's what I've been thinking about lately. I'm gonna go on an extreme diet from now until I get to Boston the first night. I'm gonna go get pork fried rice and shrimp and lobster sauce. They make it with that brown fucking Boston shrimp. It's dipped in fucking dead bodies out there.

My dad used to get that, I never tried it. I forgot to ask you, how'd the special go, man? The special was great. Yeah, good, man, good, good, good. For what I've done, for what I could do. You know, the first, I've been watching the clip. You know, when you're there, you're under the ether. Sure.

You have a good time, the energy was great. You know, the second show when I came out, I appreciate all the people that went. And when I watched it, yeah, it was what I expected. That's awesome, man. They still gotta chop it up and put this sound and all that stuff. It was an interesting experience.

Did you use a cue card or anything like that or did you remember it all? No, I didn't. You know, main dog. I went out there with a plan and then for the second show, I bombed the first show so I had to switch it up. And I fucking went and then really gave me the energy that they, you know, you realize that the energy

is six quarters of the battle, you know what I'm saying? When in the set process do you abandon the plan? Is it like, are you? It all varies. It all just depends. I mean, like it, you know, you could panic and say, fuck it after the first joke and go off. I mean, it all depends, right?

And you can tell what the crowd, what they're gonna be into and that like, yeah, it's, but yeah, I mean, like the one I did with Gabe, the special, it was one night. There wasn't even two shows. It was one show that I had to tape. And Fluff was like, and I was scared shitless, but it was in Niagara up in New York.

And I remember thinking like, fuck, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get through and right as it's, okay, all right, you're up. You know, I heard, you know, they're getting ready to bring me up on the stage. And it was literally, we had, it was one fucking show. It was a nine o'clock show. That was all that we had to tape.

It was just one show. And I'm like, okay, I can do this one take, one cut. There was no stop. It, we literally did the whole fucking thing in one, you know, it was just one, they had four cameras, right? But it was all one thing. I was like, fuck it, let's do it. I was scared shitless.

And I'm walking out in to go up on stage and I see Joe Di Stefano, Mikey D's older brother who looks just like Mike. Just like Mike. And I was, when I saw him, all the fear, it was like, I thought it was like, Mikey had just walked in. He got, Jerry gives it this big hug. And I was like, oh, okay, I'm ready.

And it just went, it was dude, it was incredible. I could knock on wood. It's going to be on a streaming service in about a month or two. So coming to a theater. Yeah. Yeah. How are you feeling?

You ready for another start for the weekend? Sure, let's do it. Keep you alive and kicking this show. You're falling asleep. You're going into a trance. No, I'm not going to sleep. What's your start? What are you going to go home and eat?

What am I going to go home and eat? What do you got over there? I got, I got some cold cuts, I think. Oh. What kind of cold cuts you got? Surprise me, yeah. Turkey and pepperoni. Oh.

Where do you get them from? I, oh, Joey turned me on to a new Ralph's. Oh, which one? How was it? You like it? It was great. Yeah. Oh my God. How's the parking over there?

Cause it looked like it could be kind of tight, but when we went, it was fine. What time did you go? I think we went like middle of the afternoon. You talking cold water with it? No. No, I like cold water with it. I'm a cold water with a type of guy, you know what I'm saying?

You know who's actually got not bad cuts? Is that John's that's right there by us. Oh, I hate that one. The Magnolia and Laurel Canyon. Dude, the cold cuts aren't bad. They're not bad, man. Have they got doomans? I don't have that, man.

What do you get? What do you get? I got there once and maybe I got the wrong one, but I didn't like it. What did you get at Ralph's? You got doomans? I get Boar's head. I think I got Boar's head.

The one they had there that it was fucking unreal was his garlic and herb peppered turkey. Fuck, man, that was a shit. I like my turkey plant the right way. Yeah. No, I put all that shit on it. I put all that shit on it. Little salt and pepper, little mayonnaise,

shredded lettuce, I'm back, bitch. On a cedar roll, I'm back. What are you? Dude, you know who's got it. With a slice of fucking Swiss cheese. Have you been to Roma's, Italian deli that's right up Lancashire? Roma's?

Oh, come on. That's just the inception. Dude, that fucking idea. I went into the place. You know it's good when the owner has three pictures of him and Sinatra hanging out. Oh, please. Like, that's like, okay, this is the place.

Yeah, that's fucking good, man. It takes balls to go up there. That's a fucked up part of town. Oh, God. I go there all the time. I just went after about a year when I first moved up here and I discovered, somebody turned me on to it and I started going,

they got a tremendous lunch bash. Oh, there's Italian sandwiches. It's like the 565 for a soda, a sandwich, and two sides. A salad, two sides? You get fucking the roasted peppers. Yes. And the macaroni salad, it's like I'm in hashways. Yeah.

It's like I'm in hashways, Jersey. Oh, I even missed the hashway dripping hair and it's like, oh, it's got restless salt. It's so good, that place, man. Fuck, it's good. It's cheap as shit, dude. You're right. $6, you get a fucking meal.

It's, man, that place is good. Roma's is good. But you're right, it is sketchy shit going up there. It's sketchy over there. They got that place next door, it's so explosive. Yeah. They got the Mexican quinceañera hall right there. One day they got everything.

What the fuck is this place? How are they open? Low torches of your crack head. They got everything in there. How are they open? Go in there. You know the place I'm talking about? Right next to it.

They got this place, it's like a building. And they got everything. They got the car stereo speakers, a fucking fire suit. They got everything. I'm telling you. You can speak a fucking earplug. I guarantee you, they own a storage unit somewhere. Nah, everything's brand new.

They're taking shit the people. That's some hot shit. That's a sketchy part of town. It is, man. Once you cross over that shit, that's a spore. I don't even like that target up there. I don't know why police say it. Which target is that one?

There's a target up there. The victory one? Yeah. Oh, man. You know there's gonna be a shootout. Yeah, there are. You can smell the gunpowder. Yeah.

That's the target I go to. What's on that target? Please, any day now, they're gonna be a plane. And they're gonna drop pamphlets out in a picture. Yeah, that shit. I hate when my wife takes my baby to that target. You wanna get shot?

Get shot on your own time. That is the one target. I don't know. I've lived, two times I've gone to that target. There's been a kid covered in its own shit crying because it didn't have a parent. And they had to fight. And nobody cared.

And I remember having a call. Like, can somebody please? And they found the mom. She was like halfway across the other end of the store. Like, that shit happens all the time at that target. That target is spooky, spooky, check. That's a type of target where I guarantee you the manager could sell you half the shit there

for half off, out back, right? If you tell them that you'll come back with cash right after they close, he'll meet you outside and be like, hey, you want these? They got a Starbucks in there. Yeah, yeah. It's really scary to shoot them. They got a Starbucks in there and a witch in there.

Yeah, I'm telling you. You know what? A witch, witch. How many witch witches have you had lately? Just one. Cheese, what flavor? Turkey. Unbelievable.

Is that place good on everything? No, it's not. No, no. It's garbage. I wouldn't be good if he went there. It was good. Try it. Why would you want to try it?

Look, I got a piece of dog shit. I'm going to cover it with chocolate. You want to try that? 8.99 with a drink? I still got it. You know, on Wednesday night, cocksuckers. Even after driving, I'm set. Ooh, that was my route.

That Olympic route. That was. Ladies and gentlemen, I love you guys. I never want you to think I'm whining to you. I got stuck in fucking brutal Los Angeles traffic. And you guys know me. Against my best fucking witches, okay? But sometimes you got to go talk to some people.

You got to do it. They're going to talk to you, and they're always in Santa Monica. And they always want to talk to you at the end of that day. The fucking drive down there was paradise. It was the first time I didn't get in the HOV lane. I just drove like regular Americans waving at people. I didn't have a car for 60 yards in front of me.

I was crossing lanes. It was completely fucking empty. I mean, I was like, what is going on with the 405? That never happened. The other side going north, bumping and bumping. Dead. People waving like they got stuck in Katrina. They waving with their hands.

South by there. Fucking, I'm going south, and I'm doing 85. I got there, I left my house at 10 to three, and I got to Santa Monica at 319th of the location. Holy shit. I had an exit on the 10th. That, there was nobody. No, there was a kid on a bicycle.

Nobody even said nothing to him. I shot straight in like nothing. When I got out of there, I hadn't seen nothing like that in a long time now. The last time I saw something like that, I got in that left hand lane, and I rode it for about a mile. So I went around it.

It doesn't die until you go around the 405. Yeah. On Olympic? Mm-hmm. And it took me from 2700 Santa Monica to fucking the 405. And it was easy getting back too? It took me an hour. The 405 was men's and men's,

but the fucking, once you got on it, I mean, you just, and you can get aggravated. All I do is, when I'm driving, I go, thank God, I don't have to do this five days a week. Right, exactly. Oh, could you imagine? That would kill you, America. It's a nine to five shift.

It would fucking kill you. I did, that's why I did it for three years. It was a fucking nightmare. It really, it tests your fucking soul. There's always an accident, and it's just weird. It's just weird to even describe. So thank God, I had to do it. I haven't done it in a long time.

I was kind of upset last night. I got away with the Obama thing Tuesday. I had plans to go to Marina Del Rey. Obama was gonna be down that thing, and then the guy took the gun out down on Temple Street. He shut traffic down for three hours. People don't know what you be fucking. Every day there's fucking drama,

and if you get involved in making all these moves that you don't need to make, you will get caught in a fucking whirlwind of fucking traffic. And it always happens when you're on E and you got a P. On E and you got a P, all right? That's the next thing you do fucking out. On E and I got a P.

On E and I got a P. What a fucking thing you're dealing with. I still spit at my, it's Wednesday night. I must have had some CBD juice or something today. Oh shit, that's great. That's right, Jerry LaRocco. What are you doing this weekend, Lisa? Nothing?

One of my old, I'm going to a benefit for the pug rescue. Aw, very nice. All right, why don't you just put your head right in the fucking computer? Yeah, not good for you. Unbelievable, unbelievable. Good for you. It's called the pug, it's called the pug-tacular,

spook-tacular. That's great, that's good. Fuck it, I think. Oh, you can see what happens when I leave town. Yeah. Now you're doing a good thing. He giggles like a half the fruit cake. He's doing a service, man, he's doing a service.

Good for him. So we were just rapping earlier and it's just scary. I think about it, I think about it now. And I think about my daughter and I think about like nieces and friends, kids. And I think about me getting in a car when I'm 19 years old with maybe $16,000 in my pocket and maybe some weed and going cross country with a barbell and two speakers,

landing in Basalt for three months, not really having a job for two of those months. And I picked up little gigs and I could fucking float around and then I moved to Snowmass Village and that's what I was telling you about when we robbed the fucking. That was just craziness. God.

That's amazing. You know, but guess what? At that time I was heartbroken. Sure. My mom had died. I was in love when I left. Somebody else was giving her a stab and, you know, my dreams were done.

The worst feelings, dude. But when I went over there, you know what? I got into like a vocation. No, I got into Colorado Mountain College. At first I was in middle of vocational school and I checked out the plumbing course and I was like the same for me. I got to do something a little bit more fucking free.

Right. I had gotten into the electrical business and I was an electrician when I was up there, you know, being young is fucking great. You gotta do shit sometimes. Of course. Even if you go away for one year. Yeah.

And just to give it a shot. You got to do it. You got to go somewhere for one year. Take your journey, man. It may not be Los Angeles or Hawaii, but I would go like Houston, Texas for a year or New Orleans. I can't say nobody done.

I can't be responsible for New Orleans. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. That'll fuck you up over there for a weekend, man. Really? New Orleans is too crazy? It's a little bit crazy in New Orleans, man. I think it's more of a sin city than Vegas, right? Like it's more of a...

It's a different type of fucking sin in Vegas. I got a camera everywhere. If I stab you in Vegas, I'm in jail in 24 fucking hours. No question. 24 and a half hours, I'm in jail. New Orleans, they might never find you. They'll never find you. They throw you one of those levies,

they'll bury you under one of those sausage houses. People drink on top of you for a year before something smells you. It's fucking, you know, and that's the way, I don't know, and I'm not putting down New Orleans by now. I just heard a lot of things. When I was down there, I didn't dabble when I was down there. I kept close to the set.

I took cars, whatever they said. Anybody, right? We're gonna hook up, fuck, yeah. If I wanna walk, I join a country club, you know what I'm saying? I don't wanna fucking walk nowhere, I don't wanna walk around, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. What are you looking at me on the way for?

I'm not looking at you weird. I'm excited about you talking about like places you go. There was this sandwich place I used to live up above. Some of us go there, I'm excited to go to Boston. Nice. It's gonna be fun for a while. A sandwich place? Yeah.

You know, every time you talk about food in Boston. Well, you're gonna go to Chinese food. You depress me. Well, what sandwich? You get a sandwich here. Yeah, but. Go to Dominic, I was gonna go to Turkey's, because that's, if you're gonna get a sandwich,

like if you said you were going back to get a sausage sandwich. Well, I'm gonna get a pizza, yeah. The sausage is dripping down your face. I know you. I got a turkey with mustard and cheddar cheese with double tomato in it. Same thing you get in the subway.

Yeah, and I'm gonna kick you in the fucking leg. Because, you know, I can't deal with that shit in public. What she says, turkey with cheddar. I don't get turkey with cheddar. I know you do, and I kick you right in the stomach. Party's over. Party's over. That's it.

What's this guy doing? I'm turkey. People at home are thinking, what the fuck's going on tonight? Listen, what the fuck you think's going on? It's a Wednesday night. I got comedy this weekend in Las Vegas at the South Point Casino.

That's why my main man, Lee, is not allowed this weekend. That's why he's going to a bug festival. And not even being fucking Vegas with me. Eating stars and losing 20 bucks on the slot machines and tapping out. Every time I go to Vegas with Lee, I go to my room. The next morning I wake up to a story. What happened?

I'm tired. What do you mean you're tired? We went upstairs to talk again, but then I had two. I came down and I was up 800. But then I went to my room and I couldn't sleep. When I came down, I lost 600 and there's a story. And then I had some eggs and I don't feel good.

How much were the eggs, Lee? 25 cents. How much did you think you felt good, Lee? I don't know if I had 25 cents of eggs. Yes, you did. The whole time. The story is true. Yes, you did.

Is there a fight there this weekend? Anything good? No, when I go to Vegas, man, I mind, like I just said to you, there's cameras everywhere. So guess what Uncle Joey does? I mind my fucking business. Go do your show, go to the room. That's it.

I go to the clam bar. That's how I, I don't really do the Vegas shit. I just go perform. I'm away from this trip. I'm too fucking old. I'd love to join you. You know, I got friends from grandma's school that look at that he's like family.

So he takes me to lunch. We go to breakfast. So that's two meals that the kids come. Now he's too old to come. He's my age. So his kids come to the comedy shows. And then we go up to the room and hang out. I'd give him UFC tickets.

He's like my nephew. He really fucking is. I've known him since I was a fucking kid. I don't know why he's staring me down. I'm not staring you down. I'm not staring you down. I'm not staring you down. You're what?

I'm just looking at you. Do you have an attack? No, I'm good. I'll get, let you get out of here. I'm going to read some sponsors. You're going to give me some sheets. I'm going to stab you in the lung. I'm going to stab you in the lung.

Thank you, my friend. There you go. You're a gentleman and a scholar. Look at you mafia three, dude. We don't fuck around here. Was it fun doing that? Was it easy in and out kind of thing? Oh yeah.

It was really good. I'll tell you after this. I remember you were going to ask me questions before I got to talk about this. Lee Syad has lost a few pounds on it. I know he, I mean, listen, let's face it. Lee Syad is basically food poisoning. Lee Syad's a Billy God.

I love him like a brother. Lee's a Billy God. Like I'm like a brother to an nephew. Lee Syad's worse than Mikey. He won't eat it once. He'll try it twice. You know what I'm saying? Even though the first time I got him a little sick,

if he could save a dollar or they have something special in there, he'll keep going back. But Lee did and looks really good since he's been on Blue Apron. He's happy him and his girlfriend do it together. They have a great time. I call him. He tells me what he's eating.

I mean, he was really happy with it. I know you put it down when we were traveling. And I'm picking it up next week. You're picking it up next week for a reason. For less than $10 per meal, Blue Apron delivers seasonal recipes along with pre-portional ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals.

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and pre-portional ingredients and can be prepared. I was wrong, in 40 minutes or less, all right? Who's better than you? This is what we're gonna do. Check out this week's menu. Spicy beef skewers, cod sandwiches with caper alioli, Sicilian style, ragatoni pasta, seared pork chops, and pastrami spiced salmon.

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Uncle Joey's trying to help you out more ways than one. You wanna have friends? You wanna learn how to mingle? Do I got something for you for the holidays? HelloTushy.com. Amen. You're looking at me going, Joey, what are you talking about?

The day's a back, bitch. You're sitting there going, Joey, what's a bidet? A bidet is this little thing that's, when I first bumped into a bidet, it was next to my mom's toilet. It had a hot water thing and a cold water thing and you sat there after you took a dump or you took a little leak.

Sometimes I just sat on the bidet. You have nothing to do, you just sit on the bidet. It's cold water hitting your little muffler, all right? And guess what? For a while there, they disappeared but people started walking around. They got hemorrhoids. People got problems.

So bidets are back. The devices that spray your little butt clean with water. Like I said, I grew up with a bidet in my house. They are tremendous. Now, thanks to Tushy, sleep bidets that clip onto your existing toilets and they spray your butt completely clean with fresh water to get your muffler sparkless.

So you're not sitting there with bacteria in your muffler which causes hemorrhoids and yeast infections and just rotten ass all in general, okay? Bidets are also better for the environment because no paper, more trees. I remember one time I took mushrooms and I had diarrhea and I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself,

how many trees do I have to cover? I'll just call it paper music. I don't think that I graced in my life. That wouldn't have happened that time. Can you imagine eating mushrooms and sitting on your bidet? Never mind you get the fucking hot water one. That's when you're really up and up and down.

Now, I told you bidets are better for the environment and they use one final water, all right? Now, Tushy stands behind their product for 60 guaranteed days, all right? So I don't know if it's 60 or 30. I forget, let's go with 30, all right? Who's better than you? Listen, you wanna surprise somebody for the holidays?

I've already had two people show up in shows with the boxes and they love this thing. I installed one in my back bathroom. I've used this twice and it's tremendous. Wait there, that cold water hits your scrotum. Unbelievable, your head blows up, especially in the morning. You don't know where you're at.

You got amnesia, you know what I'm saying? While you're drinking coffee, let that cold water, it's like somebody spit in your muffler. Tremendous, you know what I'm saying? Drop it, Lisa, what do you think of it? Oh my God, it's, because when we spoke last, I had just installed it. And this is now, I don't know how many weeks later,

but it's changed my life. Where were you without it, right? If Jerry sniffs your muffler right now, what will he smell like? Daisy. Jerry, you can lick my muffler almost worry-free, almost. Nice. It's been a few hours since I've been home, so I don't know.

Anyway, you've been washing for 30 days, so you have no more half-roids. You're nice and clean, everybody's happy, your wife likes it, right? Everybody uses it. She had never even tried one before and she said it was a game changer. It was, it's,

There's many things. You had, I was thinking about it today. You asked me a question, what level do I put it at? And I looked down, there's not really levels, there's no numbers, but I just put it almost all the way to 10. It's, and you just. Well, you're a big guy, you got a lot of tacos.

Oh yeah, I got a lot of stuff. Mayonnaise and lettuce and stuff. I know, but then you. Go cheese and all that. Orancho, tacos, you ate there, at the mother-in-law's house. What do you think is mixin' all that yum-yum food, huh? Anyway, if you wanna have a nice gift

for somebody for the holidays and have some of those stocking stuffer, this is the perfect gift, right? What we're gonna do for you is listen to this, because we want you to have a clean muffler. Go to hellotushy.com slash church. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give you 10% off for the holidays.

Again, this is the perfect gift for the holidays, all right? Hellotushy.com slash church. You're gonna love this, okay? Hellotushy.com. Keep your muffler clean, especially for the holidays. Why go on match.com if you got a bidet, all right? You know why? You're gonna start with go to hellotushy.com slash church.

10% off, that's what we're offering you, right, right now. Also, I wanted to do somebody to the church that I bumped into in the weirdest way. I was talking to somebody one day about dieting and about that I was going to jujitsu and how I liked not really eating before my meals. Now, I've always been very low on it with the shake in the morning.

But in life, you get used to something and sometimes you eat something with seven, that's what's wrong with diets. That at first, you have that egg with the one slice of egg McMuffin, like you have like, what do you call it, an English muffin? Yeah, absolutely. And with a piece of cheese and with a piece of bacon

and you have your little water, that works for about four months and you do lose weight, but then you lose, you go right through that. So you have to switch it up from time to time. So a friend of mine recommended this vanilla, coconut meal replacement, okay, by Primal. Let me tell you something. This stuff kept me full.

You know I'm a fat fuck. I smoked marijuana, all right? I would have one of these at eight in the morning and I would not eat until I got back from jujitsu at 2.15. And you felt great the whole time. Tremendous, no busyness, no nothing. Jesus, no week there, didn't feel weak at damn. Some water, three, four ice cubes, two scoops.

You're often fucking running. And you were sad and satisfied too, didn't get hungry, now that's shit. That's great, that's great, man, shit. Primal fuel is one of the cleanest ways to build muscle, burn fat, and starve off hunger. Why? Because what it contains is pretty unparallel.

In every serving, you get 20 grams of whey protein isolate. One of the highest bioavailable proteins, which means your body can use it better, any proteins when building muscle. Nine grams of highest quality coconut fat. And the super fat that curbs hunger impacts a wallop of health-promoting benefits. Primal fuel has no added sugar,

artificial sweeteners, or unwanted extra. They also have the 21-day total body transformation, which I'm gonna try along with Lisa yet. I'm gonna tell you something, I've tried their products, I've tried their almond, their almond coconut bar, and I'll tell you what, they have some great tasting stuff. Do me a favor, go to primalblueprint.com slash joey for more info.

If you like something, use coupon code JOYDEAS to check out for 10% off your entire order. Again, go to primalblueprint.com slash joey. I think it's slash joeydeas. Slash joeydeas for more info and use coupon code JOYDEAS in parentheses at checkout for 10% off your entire order. I'm gonna tell you something, you know me dog, I don't bullshit you motherfuckers.

The holidays are coming. You're gonna be out there eating cookies and fucking whatnot, okay? This is the best time to watch what the fuck- No question. This is the time of the year when I really fucking watch it because I know you can gain 15 pounds. This is the way to do it.

A nice little way fucking protein shake in the morning with a fucking banana or whatever the fuck you're doing, but this is the way to do it. The primal vanilla and they also have a chocolate coconut which will knock your socks off too. I've mixed and matched from time to time, you know me. I don't like doing the same fucking shit every day. So do me a favor, give it a shot.

Like I said, I'm gonna start the 21 day total body transformation with Lee and then we're gonna change this shit. That's it, Lee and I really gonna go for it. This, it looks interesting. It is interesting. It teach how to burn fat for fuel and prevent weight loss, proper fitness techniques that save time

and starve off injury and burnout and lifestyle changes that reduce stress, strengthen immunity and increase energy. We all need that shit, especially during the holidays, one of the most stressful times of the fucking year. It all starts here. PrimalBlueprint.com slash Joey Diaz. For more info on all this, use coupon code

Joey Diaz in parentheses and check out the 10% off your entire order. Who's fucking better than you motherfuckers? Nice. Jerry Lerocco, what do you got going on? You going here? You going to Pompano? Yeah.

Lee's going to the fucking whatever convention. Via Flappers and Claremont this weekend and then laughs in Seattle November 4th and 5th. And if anybody gives a shit, I got a brand new CD out called Pickle Dick on iTunes and Amazon, you can pick up Jerry Roach at Pickle Dick at 7.99 and my podcast, The Ramble.

And also the podcast where I talk action figures and video games called The Power Pals of some of my buddies. So yeah, check all that shit out, man. Thank you for having me, bro. Bro, I miss you. I do. You're the fucking king of the fucking.

I miss you too, man. I wanted, I got a chance to do one of these games. Yes. And I had never done it before. Yeah. And they sent me two of them in the mail. This is great. And I've never played a game before.

So I said, do you play arcades back in the day? Do you ever fuck with that stuff? Like Pac-Man, right? Did you ever do any of that stuff? Cause those were kind of hot back then, right? I like, you know, pew, pew, the shit. Gallagher. Gallagher?

Yeah, of course. Okay, Gallagher is my motherfucking world. That's a bad one. I love Pac-Man. Miss Pac-Man is my fucking world. Miss Pac-Man is my world. I'll get stoned and go to a dry cleaner on purpose for a game. These little Mexican dry cleaners around here,

they all got Miss Pac-Man. I got one of those games, like four and five, four games in one. Yeah, yeah, that's great. And you can pick it. I will sit there throughout the whole dry, a 40 minute fucking run, in a roll of $10 quarters.

I will go purposely and smoke weed in the car and come back there with a fucking soda. And I will sit there and play Gallagher. And then I'll play Miss Pac-Man until my fucking ADD, whatever the fuck I do, kicks in, I can flash back some beat and shit. And I get the fuck out of there. That's how it is.

That's great. I never really, I don't know how this works. I used to go to drug dealers' homes that had, that played these games. Oh, this shit, yeah, sure, man. And I would sit there while they weighed their coke and I didn't know what, and they would argue and yell at each other

and they would play Madden 400 and the fuck that is. Of course, yeah, man. And I never really got it. I always knew that I didn't need these in my life. Of course, of course. These things will fucking addict you. Oh, man. But I'm 53, I never really played one.

Well, I mean, this is like the best, I'm not lying. This is probably the best time to get in it because obviously now the systems are just so much more powerful. And this is, I'm telling you, and everything I've heard about this game is, these are like, it's like your, the whole thing will probably maybe last like 15, 20 hours

to play it. I've been playing, that's usually what they are. And it's like you're watching a great TV show. It's like it's an interactive episode of Law and Order where it's great. A lot of them, you know, how many of you have been playing these? I've been playing them since I was out of the fucking womb.

When I was four years old, my mom got me a Colego vision. And that's how her and I bonded. It was just my mom and I, you know, because she hadn't met my, you know, she'd just met my dad, her boyfriend, who ended up being my dad. So there's two of us.

And we would just play, we'd just play video games. All like when I've come out to do homework and then I'll play video games with my mom. And then the game changer of them all was, cause the Atari came out, right? The Atari 2600. And then it just got shitty. All of a sudden it was just shitty video game

after shitty video game. And then they made a video game for the movie E.T. That was historically the worst video game ever made. Like it barely turned on when you put it in. They just had to rush it out cause the movie was so popular. And it literally killed the video game industry for about two or three years.

It killed it. It was just dead. They even have a famous landfill where they buried like two million copies of that E.T. game somewhere in the fucking desert in Lovato. And they actually did a documentary where they dug them all back up. And sure enough, there was an urban legend

but they were all fucking in there. And then Nintendo just changed the game with Super Mario Brothers. And they had their system and it brought everybody back. And that was what it did. You know about this, Lee, also? I'm not a good gamer. I get bored after two weeks cause I'm not as good.

If it takes a good game for 20 hours, it takes me like a hundred hours. So I get angry. But when you said you played with your mom, I used to play Mario on, what is it, on the first Game Boy. Oh yeah, the first Game Boy was, yeah, of course. And then so what Joe, what it did was it just,

it brought the arcade into your living room, right? Yeah, my mom used to set the timer on the stove. So the, her, me, my brother could share time. You could take turns, yes, and so we would, and then, and then, and I just, it was just, Joe, it just never went away, dude. It was like, it was the same thing as listening to Pink Floyd for the first time.

You know how, you know, when you listen to Pink Floyd for the first time, you're like, holy shit, I'm in for life. I'm gonna go wherever these guys take me. That's what happened with video games. It was at Super Mario Brothers. When that shit dropped in 85, I was like, forget it. I'll go wherever these guys wanna take me. Do you still play these?

Every day, every day. I got my girlfriend playing it. She was never into this shit, now she loves it. Like, there are some tremendous video games out there. There are video games where as far as story and even the acting rivals films. I mean, they're just, there's some great stories being told in that medium.

It's great shit, man. It's good. It's further fun, man. It's further fun. I was never, never, not it. It's a man, there's some things that you learn that you look at and you go, you know what?

That looks like fun in my world. Listen, everybody knows, and for years, people have been thinking I'm a gamer. Sure. Because I like smoking reefer and kicking back. Sure. But I thought that that would just shock me to death. I thought that's an anxiety.

I see how much people argue where I would go to get drugs for a long time. It was just. Well, gamers get into the yelling at each other on the headset. They fucking go crazy. They fucking go crazy. They fucking pay pizza shit out.

I'm like, you know what? This is the last shit I need raising my fucking blood pressure. You know, I'm telling you what, stay away. If that's, I'm telling you right now, stay away from games like Call of Duty and John Madden. Because those are the ones that bring out the crazy in you. Okay. Do shit like this where you don't even have.

That's the one the CIA says. Yeah. A game like Mafia 3, you don't even have to play with anybody. It's like escapism. You just fucking put this on. You can even put on some headphones, man. And you just, you just enter this world.

You don't talk to anybody. You just sit in there. It's great. Now, yeah, like I'm telling you, dude, it's a lot, they get better and better. Can I plug something real quick? A buddy of mine named Tom Bissell is a fantastic, this guy covered the Iraqi war,

all that shit for like the New Yorker, Harper's. He's a legit writer. And he wrote an amazing book called Extra Lives, Why Video Games Matter? And he talks about how video games just been a constant throughout his life. And he talks about like how he played Grand Theft Auto and it even, it gave him a real life coke addiction.

Playing the game. It's a fascinating book. It's called Extra Lives, Why Video Games Matter by Tom Bissell. It's a, it's, it's bad to do. He's a man. He writes video games. I don't know if I could sit there at night

playing video games and one night just go, hmm. Right? Let me try this. Let me try this. I'm in the mood to do a line of fucking. Are you right? I would have a living heart attack. Right. If I did a line of coke and play the game.

And play the game. And had a focus on the game. That is a fucked. Imagine. Pop. Tom's a, Tom's a bad motherfucker. I never thought of that shit. Yeah, he's a bad, that books with Tom's a bad motherfucker.

And he writes him now for a living. And I'll tell you this story real quick. He was like, you'll love this. You'll love this. He was at Comic-Con talking about a game once, right? And I hope I, I don't even know if I can tell this story, but I'll change everything. So he had written a game in a series of popular series

of video games. And this game took place before the main series. And there was a weapon in the game, right? And that was common throughout the series. And he's taking questions at Comic-Con in this narrative. Pardon me, but that is completely impossible for that photon laser to have been in that game. Because if this game takes place 55 years

before the events of the first game, that photon laser wouldn't have been invented. Like he gets angry. Tom just went into the microphone and he goes, you know none of this shit is real, right? And he thought it would kill. He thought he was gonna, they bombed. They were mad.

They were like, fuck you. It's not real. They're bullying him. Yeah, they're like. He thought he was gonna, he thought this would be a funny line. This will kill the room. And they were just like, fuck this guy.

This is real. That photon laser should not be in that video game. Oh man. You can't fuck with nerds guys. Dude, nerds can't do it. You know, oh, it's amazing. You know, you talk about cocaine. Have you ever read Stephen King?

Yeah. Misery. Did you ever read Misery? I read like six to seven of his books when I was locked up. That's why I hooked on Stephen King. Do you know Misery, he said it just recently. He said, Misery's cocaine.

Please. He goes, the book Misery, the Kathy Bates character, that's Coke. That's Coke. It's your biggest fan. It's your best friend. But the minute you try to turn your back on it, it fucking kills you.

Like it was amazing. Like he said, that book is 100% about cocaine. But I always think of it too, as Kathy Bates and Misery are like all these nerds now who just bitch about every little thing. Yeah, Dr. Strange would never, you know, like all this shit. I love it. I look, I just want to see him.

I just want to go see the movie. I wish I knew about it so I could go down there and argue with him. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I know. I know. But how funny is that?

He just goes to the mic and he goes, you guys know none of this shit is real. I would love to like know about a game. And just kind of round up. I just tell him I'm fucking into it. No brothers, this is better. Fuck you punk cock suckers. How can you say that?

You fat man. We can get you a headset for the PlayStation and you can just start trolling people. Just start trolling people, man. There's a guy who does that. I forgot his name. But he goes on. Don't wait a second.

What do you do? This dude, this dude, he'll play Call of Duty. I forgot, if you're listening, I'm sorry for not giving you credit, I forgot your name. But he'll go and call, you know, you have voice chats like all 18 people in the game or you can all talk to each other.

I don't want to get in the game with other people. Oh yeah, playing. You play against each other. Do you know who these people are? Nah, nah, you just start playing. You play against strangers? It's like, it's like the arcade. Remember you play like someone to walk up next to you.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that's how it was. I don't want to play with you. You don't want to play with me. Yeah, that was, this is my fucking game. This dude fucks with people. He'll be like, hey, what y'all doing? What y'all playing?

Oh, you're playing that game? Okay, you know what I'm playing? I'm gonna suck that dick too. And they're like, what? And he's like, now I'm gonna go over there and I'm gonna suck your dick. And they're like, fuck you. You're not gonna fuck with it.

And he puts it on YouTube. It's fucking hilarious. This guy, it's the funniest thing. All these fucking nerds are starting to yell at him. Like, fuck it. Some of them get it. They start laughing. The other one's going, what the fuck?

And he's like, I'm gonna go, yeah, no, no, no, let's go over here. Now there's the flags over here. They're like, okay, get that flag. And I'm gonna suck that dick. And they're like, what, what? I wish, I wish they get so fired up. Oh, bro.

It's nice to see the industry that Comic-Con has become. And I'm like, oh my God. Unbelievable. I've had people call me with the dumbest ideas that I would never in my life sit in a booth with a jersey on and talk about the longest year. I would be so fucking embarrassed. Right, right.

You know what, what's cool about Comic-Con if you're in a movie now, right? And you get to go up like a rock star, talk about the new movie, but then you see the people who like, the guy was in one episode of Buck Rogers back in 1979. You know what I mean? And he's sitting there in the costume,

signing autographs. Yeah, that's- I wouldn't mind going to Comic-Con from 1960 to 1975. When it was low key. The TV when I came from Cuba. Maybe the guy that was on the Green Hornet. Oh, yeah. Maybe the guy from Room 222.

Maybe the guy from, you know, the Walton's. Maybe one of the guys from the Rifleman. Maybe just- Dude, that would have been badass. Did you get to meet Chuck Connors back then? How sick would that be? You know, maybe somebody from the Jeffersons. Yeah.

And they sit in the booth and take pictures and you can ask them questions. I think it's when they mix too much stuff. That's good. I don't care how many days it is. They just overwhelm me. It's very, well, I even have an anxiety attack. You know what I mean?

I love going. And it gets, it gets, here's how, and this is a true story. Here's how packed Comic-Con gets. There was, and how just- Now have you been to the other ones across the country? Or just to- Just mainly San Diego.

Because that's the big, I mean, but when I was there one year and I was able to get into Hall H, and Hall H is where they screen all the movies, right? Where they show the previews for Avengers before anybody sees it, that kind of shit. And they have all the Avengers come out, all the X-Men come out up on stage.

And so I'm there. Yeah, so. Yeah? Well, the X-Men come out on stage. Oh, I lost my fucking mind. I lose my mind. Oh, God, yeah. How old are we, though?

I'm in my late 30s and I was like, jumping up and down like an idiot. I loved it. Like the Beatles when they- Fuck yeah. Might as well have been Shea Stadium. Absolutely. Might as well have been the Cowboys winning a Super Bowl.

I was going- If they had a deal with the ladies and gentlemen, one guy, I don't know, the other guy went to college for four years. He wants to go see Pugs this weekend. Four years of college, he wants to go see Pugs. I didn't go to college and I want to go see Robert Downey Jr. dressed up like Iron Man.

But so we go in and I see this guy. And you know, the people that go into costumes, right? They do the cosplay with a dress up like Spider-Man. All this shit. This guy was a dead on Hugh Jackman from Wolverine. Like Wolverine, he had the, it was insane. He had the makeup, the hair, everything. And he was cut, he was, and he was like a tall,

he was a, it just looked just like him. And I was like, holy shit. I wanted to go tell him like, dude, that's an amazing costume. And then I go into that hall, Hugh Jackman comes out and he goes, yeah, kind of had a laugh. I went around a couple hours early today, dressed up as Wolverine, nobody said anything.

Like that's how crazy it is. Like he goes, one person was like, eh, you look a little short. That's all they said. That was it. That was him. He was just walking around and he could, he went in, nobody even bugged him.

Like Hugh Jackman dressed as everybody's favorite character walking around. And that's how crazy it is. You don't even have time to really go, is that guy standing next to me really, Hugh Jackman? He's like, I fuck it. Let's just, like it's crazy. It's crazy.

But I, I mean, I love that shit, dude. It's fun, man. I love it. This vampire's done it. Oh, there's everything. Then they have all the strippers dressed up like Jessica Rabbit handing out the two for one passes for the strip clubs and all that stuff.

Yeah, they have all that amount. They have all those people, then you have with the Jesus people who are like repent now. You're going to hell. You're worshiping false idols, all that kind of stuff. They have the protestors. It gets crazy.

Joy would be on their side. It's crazy now. It's crazy. I'm gonna hang out with protestors. How long you know, man? I've been the mood to get hit in the head. For people to hate me. I got enough problems.

I got problems. That's what I wanna get, dude. Go down there and protest. You know, fuck fan trade. Listen, I don't make, we got to figure out a way to do this. So we got to get you in a Comic Con and I'll sit you down for like a weekend

and make you an instant expert on like one video game just so you can talk shit to all the numbers. I'll do it. That would be the best. Oh fuck, that would be so funny. That would be great. I wouldn't even know where to start to let go, to jingle. I wouldn't know where to fuck to start.

I've seen these things for years. They've been around since I was shoplifting at Toys R Us. I used to look at the shit and go, what? That's the truth, Ruth. Hey, you know what's amazing too is that you think about it, like how much worse games were back then than they are now like visually and all that, but they were still 50 bucks.

That's almost never changed. They never stopped getting paid. Yeah, those guys. Okay, so Tom writes in his book that he went to go interview the creator of a popular franchise, right? And had a little office up in Silicon Valley, right? He goes up there.

And the office is just all the people who work. And this is from the top of the company to the bottom of the company that all work on this one video game. He said literally every car was a Lamborghini in the parking lot. Those dudes are making so much fucking money. It is unbelievable.

Literally every car was a fucking Lamborghini. These guys are just ballers. And that's, I mean, they make, I mean, that industry makes more than Hollywood. It probably makes more than porn. Like it's crazy how much, and it's funny. A lot of people like, oh, like you,

like I could never get into that. It's not for me. But there's even people nowadays who have never played a single video game in their life except Madden. And every year they're in line at midnight to go buy the new Madden, you know, because, or they go buy the new NBA game

or do call a duty. They might not touch any other fucking video game, but they're gonna go buy that one. You know, it's just, it's so ingrained in everything now. It's fascinating. Like you just missed it by a couple of years, dude. Had you been born like four or five years later, you would know everything about video games.

It's crazy if you think about it. Fuck. You would know every, you would just, it would be, cause you would have grown, you would have started right when like, you know, Atari started taking over and all. I mean, it was, it was crazy, man. Like it was like, that was just what we did.

You would go hang out with kids you didn't like just because they had a new game that you didn't have and you wanted to go play it. Like it was just, that's how, what, that's it. Like it was like, oh man, we would go around and every kid in the neighborhood had a different game. So I got to go hang out with Tommy today cause he has Metroid and you know,

this kid over here has got, you know, and we just, that was what we did. I always had bad luck with games. When I was a kid, I was loose to my mother-in-law in Parchise. I stuck a bean from Please Don't Spill the Beans in my ear, had to go to the hospital. I didn't have patience.

You know what I got into? I got into shooting pool. I realized how crazy I got one day. Right. It's competitive, you mean? Yeah, I got very competitive at a young age. And I said, I can't feel that way. Well, see, that's why, a game like this,

there's no competition. It's all by yourself. That's why you would love something like this. Or you could do something like this. So if you get crazy, then stay away from like the Madden games. Stay away from like the, cause those are like the death match games, like Call of Duty, where it's like you and five other people

against six other dudes and you're just shooting it and they're all talking shit on the headset. And yeah, you know, and that's what I, that's what he was like, I fuck you. Yeah, that's all that shit happened. Now, can you just play by yourself? Absolutely. That's what this one is.

No, what about them, like the Call of Duty? A couple of them have some single player campaigns. Yeah, but right now there's a game called Overwatch that I'm playing the fuck out of. And sadly, that one is not, you have to play with other people, but it's the best. Like it's like, crack that game.

I just, all I do is play it every, I wake up, play for a little bit, then write some jokes, then come back and play. Like, oh, it's amazing. Like it's... How many hours a day you play it for? Yeah, at least, cause I'll be up until about three in the morning,

not, you know, playing for sure. Oh, and I love it. 20 hours a week plus. Oh, no question. It's like a job. It's insane to you, cocksucker. I love it. That's why I knew.

I knew that that was like, I had to pick between all my vices. Right. If I play games, ain't nobody gonna suck my little nuts. No, it happens. It'll happen. On the headset. Oh.

I won't call it a game to come over my ass. You know, a dude, several people have gotten married playing that game Warcraft. Like it's just an online Lord of the Rings type game, right? And this guy, they got married in the game and then people ended up getting married in real life from it.

Like it's crazy, dude. It's a culture in and of itself, our video games. It's fascinating. I mean, I'm so happy that you're in one now. This is great, dude. I'm gonna play this, not gonna hear you. Let's play after this. Let's shut this down.

We'll switch over to Periscope and we'll watch Jerry LaRochia play the game for a little while and teach me how to fucking play. I've never played a game before. I've never played this one, but I can... Once you've played one, you can get them. It's pretty good. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, all right.

I wanna thank Blue Apron. I wanna thank Primal Fuel. I wanna thank HelloTushy.com. I wanna thank my main motherfuckers over at Honored.com. Always, never forget on it. I love their supplements. I love Alphabrain. Alphabrain, the shroom tech sport, the shroom tech immune.

Always go over there and check out their monthly, get 10% off. What do you put in there, Lee? You put church. C-H-U-R-C-H. Knock yourself out. Have a great weekend. See you in Las Vegas or see you November 11th

at the Wilbur Theater or November 12th at the Foxwood's motherfucking casino. Stay black, have a great weekend. See you on Monday. Thanks for having me, dude. Jerry Rocha, love you. Where can they find you? Just find me on Twitter, at Rocha, R-O-C-H-A comedy.

Rocha comedy, my website, jerryrochacomedy.com. Lee, say, I have a great weekend, my little brother. Be safe. I'm gonna miss you in Vegas. Have fun, buddy. You too. This show was brought to you by Blue Apron. Check out this week's menu

and get your first three meals for free with free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash joey, that's blueapron.com slash joey. This show was brought to you by Primal Blueprint. Visit primalblueprint.com slash joeyds for more information on all of their amazing products, including their 21 day total body transformation program. And when you visit primalblueprint.com slash joeyds,

you're also gonna get 10% off of your entire order. The show was also brought to you by the church of what's happening now was also brought to you by hellotushy.com. Visit hellotushy.com slash church to get 10% off of your order of all of their portable devices that spray your bike clean with water.

That's right, it sounds silly, but it's true, and they work great. Visit hellotushy.com slash church to get 10% off of your order. That's hellotushy.com slash church. So it was, is he just in and out with like a couple of days? It was...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Over in the bushes and up to the right, a two-man talking in the well of the light She's a teller pretty and deaf, you need your head, only to let the mind is down to the waterside That's no secret that it's on the clouds, can't be no secret No, no, no secret that it just came down, they didn't see me in time in the dream Neither one believed in what the other could see Tossed in the bodies that have sinked down, to the bottom of the well where they never went down No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

I know a secret that I just can't tell I know a secret that another time's coming I know a secret that I just can't tell I know a secret that another time's coming Know what the body's in the wishin' when Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,om, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, komplрий

Today is in the wishing well Oh, yeah