Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #428 - Felipe Esparza and Rodrigo Torres

Episode Date: November 7, 2016

Felipe Esparza, comedian, actor and winner of "Last Comic Standing" season 7; and Rodrigo Torres, comedian and co-host of the "What's Up Fool?"Podcast with Felipe, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.   This podcast is brought to you by:   Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/JOEY to get your first three meals free and free shipping!   Helix Sleep: Go to helixsleep.com/JOEY to get $50 off of your order off your custom mattress.    MVMT Watches - Go to MVMTWatches.com/church to get 15% off of their high quality watches at revolutionary prices. MVMTWatches.com/church for 15% off, with free shipping and free returns.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.     Recorded live on 11/06/2016.
  

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here we go. Kick this fucking muley. Kick it. I want this to blast my fucking ears off. We ain't fucking around tonight. You understand me? It's Monday morning, bitches. Uncle Joey here with his Goomba Lee Sayati, Rodrigo Torres and my main man Felipe Sparzo. What's up? But this is the fucking theme of the show right here. 1980s. Elbette the leather delivering the fucking goods. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh my god. Here we go.

Delivering the goods. Are you kidding me or what? Are you fucking kidding me or what? Judas Priest with a gay thing. He didn't give a fuck, Jack. Nobody gave a fuck. We knew he was gay, but what are you going to do? I didn't know he was gay, man. I knew he was gay. Something about him. I knew something. He had the whip there right here, man. Leather shit. The first time I saw him, he blew my fucking mind. He blew my fucking mind. I just took it out of the, like I was somewhere else. My mom had just died. I had the ticket. What was I not going to go?

It was like two weeks after my mom died, let me go down there. And I went over to the, I think it was the Palladium and everything. It was this tour. It was this tour. And the guy came out with a motorcycle, with a whip, fucking whipped the stage. And I was like, what the fuck is he doing? The gay blade. And then he started singing metal god. No, no. He was singing hellbent for leather or something. And I was just sitting there. Oh, Jesus Christ. I didn't really like him. It was a black Sabbath dude. But after that, I went home and I bought the album and it's all over. You know what I'm saying, Rodrigo? Hell yeah. That's some good music right there. No, that's a great album. You know what? It was deep, deep, deep in the closet. But like I told

people, you gotta check your skeletons from time to time. I checked the skeleton and I saw that album and I said, fuck it. Killing machine, burning up. It's got 20 good green manalishi. It's got a bunch of shit. Felipe Sparzo, what's happening though? Oh man, when Judith Priest came on, man, I wanted to wear leather and those beads. I used to go to Melrose, man, and try to chop lift those little bands to wear. Oh yeah, man. I don't know, he was gay though, man. JP, baby. I used to have the hat, Judas Priest and the whole thing. But all those years, I went to see him, the first three or four times, I went to see him. It was a movie theater. They just destroyed a movie theater. Def Leppard destroyed a movie theater. They destroyed a movie theater now. Then I got

into arenas. They said, fuck, let's take this to arenas. Who gives a fuck what it sounds like? You know what I'm saying? So that, but I want to see them Priest Iron Maiden with the original Singapore Diano. Oh damn, killer's record. Yeah, it was a movie theater, you know? So what are you going to do? Who gives a fuck? At the end of the day, when I'm in a casket, he think I'm the ACDC, no. There was this guy, I'm a little Native American kid named Dean. He was Native American. Prima Papago, shout out. This fool had all the Iron Maiden albums. He had and he was a little nerdy kid, a little nerdy kid. But I was his friend. He was Philippa. You know, I have Iron Maiden albums. Yeah. So I went to his house, bro, and we played every album, man.

Run to the Hills and all that shit. How many hours is the other one? Just one? I think just that first one, Killers, right? Because the rest of it's Bruce Dickinson. Bruce Dickinson. Bruce Dickinson's first one. Run to the Hills. Yeah. And then, because I mean, the only one I really know is Piece of Mind. Then they had like, you know, Son of the Seven Sun and shit, but all those fucking. I was two, I was gone by then. I don't need the seven. Poggiano comes on tour and does that whole record, Killer Lion of the Home Band. Still. You know, fucking players and shit. Too many came.

That's the album. And I was like, well, the Indians getting chased? Yeah, man. Run to the Hills. No, that's the number of the beast. That's the second album. Man, we had this crazy teacher named Mr. Roots in English class. And he said, everybody bring your favorite album. And then this crazy long hair dude from the Stoners 13, he brought an Iron Maiden number of the beast. And the first song we played was the White Man Game. Man, we broke down that album. And he was like an old school hippie teacher from Ken High School, where they shot that kid at that Kent University in Ohio. Yeah, he was there.

He was at that college. So he was hardcore Chicano, Mr. Root. And he broke down on the white man came across the sea dude. We only had one white kid in there in the class, Paul. Paul. He was a white kid named Paul. And then every time he kept telling a story about how the Indians were slaughtered by white people, he kept looking at Paul. And then Paul got up and said, fuck you, motherfucker. How did you do shit? I know, huh? And he wanted to do it with me. Yeah, he wanted to do it with me. That's fucked up, man. He worked on the Kladner song again, though. Damn, are you serious? Yeah, all because of Iron Maiden, bro.

He ran to the Hills. Run to the Hills. That's crazy shit. Fucking love Iron Maiden, man. I knew kids, bro. They used to worship Ozzy dog. Yeah, man. All that heavy metal shit, dude. Damn, AC DC, mad ass followers. It's devil of music when my mom was there. Well, Ozzy slipped into my life. Like Black Sabbath slipped in when I needed it the most. So all those years, I really liked Sabbath coming up, you know, like I was done. Danger band. Yeah, that was my main fucking band. That was my main fucking band. When he came out with the first solo album, I nearly lost my mind.

Which album was that? The Blizzard of Oz. Oh, my God. Those are the Randy Rows. I really lost my mind. Like that was... Did you guys have the bass player on the show, right? Yeah. In fact, he was going to be on Tuesday. He had a switch and then Lee's going to Boston on Wednesday. Classic cash hit. But it's so weird to see him sit here sometimes. Sometimes you just go to lunch and I sit across from him. And for like the first 10 minutes, I think about that whole that whole thing because they came around like October of 79 and they were just God awful. Do you know when you see somebody, you ever go to see somebody and you go,

this is the last time I see these guys? Crocus. Yeah, there's some bands that you go see. Now, this was the first time I had seen them. But in those days, you never caught the warmer back. You know what I'm saying? You never caught the warmer back. You were already in the parking yet. You didn't have to be in there till 8.30. The warm-up band for this concert was Van Halen. And the word got out, do not miss the fucking warm-up band. And he came out with eruption. And I could hear heads blowing up. People committing suicide right there at this fucking mass graveyard. And they had left with so much like they blew it up. And then Ozzy came out hammered. You know, we were sitting on the side and I'll never forget this bill ward in between songs.

Was taking something out and putting it on the snare drum. And they would take a straw and snort it and put it back and they would play the fucking drums. I mean, it was so in front of you, you know? Ozzy had vodka in his hand, drinking it. They sounded terrible. And I don't believe they're going, I'm never going to see these guys again. Like there was just some people who I saw early on that were fucking great. Like the B-52s were great. They were great. But then I went to see Aerosmith early on. Aerosmith was bad every time I went to see him. Anybody who told you they went to see Aerosmith before 80, and they said they were great, they're lying to you. They just paid too much for the ticket and they can't go back there. They scoped the ticket for like $80

and they can't go all the concerts up. They won't do that. They were so bad. The last time I saw Aerosmith, they basically got beat up off the stage. Were they too fucked up or what? It was a horror show. It was a horror show. They were fucked up. First time I saw them, we walked to Metal Lands and it was Frank Merino, Mahogany Rush, Poco, fucking Ted Nugent and Aerosmith. Damn, that's good as bill. Aerosmith went up there and started playing last, you know, you're excited for this fucking music. And it was a big place and it sounded bad. But you could tell they were high on something. And then fucking Joe Perry broke his guitar and shit. And we heard, we listened to Ted for about 15, 20 minutes, but we had a curfew. The kids I was with had a fucking curfew.

So we had to walk home. When you go into the city and you're driving on that turnpike, Route 3, we were walking on Route 3. Cars were doing fucking 80 past us. And I remember we barely made it to our homes and we could still hear Ted Nugent's guitar. Like we walked three miles and you could still hear Ted Nugent's guitar. That's when music was music. But Aerosmith was so bad and then the words kept getting out. Joe Perry left, Brad Whitford left, and then they played at like a rock bar. Next time you go home and you go, George, take me to fucking Chance Dragon Inn. And when you're in Dragon Inn, go, George, take me to where Aerosmith played. It's right down the block. You'll go, come on. It was called The Soap Factory.

And after that last album, When the Night Lightning Strikes, it's got whatever happened. Nobody can name a song from that album. That's how bad the album is. I personally liked the fucking Night in the Ruts. That's the name of the album. We went to see them. That dude was so fucked up, the singer. He was so fucked up. Fuck Stephen Adler and fucking Guns N' Roses in the 90s. This guy was gone on stage. He was singing to the walls. He was skinny. You could see the bones through the shirt. You know, it was just a fucking mess. And he would light cigarettes and flick them. He kept lighting cigarettes and flick them. Now, I got my own thing going on the side. It was $15, $10 general admission, right? So whenever you

got there, you got it. Me and my buddy get there a little early and it's hot out. It's human. So there's women with halter tops and there's guys smoking cigarettes. Are you with me? So I'm 15 feet from the stage and guess who's in front of me? A real deal heroin junkie. What's he doing? He's lighting a cigarette and a middle, middle thing. He puts the cigarette out right here. He leaves it six inches from his face and he would start to nod. And as he would nod, I'd push him into a girl and then burn her back hysterical. I'm doing this for 15, 20 minutes by myself. And they're like, stop it, fuck ass. And he's like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. People keep bumping into me and every time he, and then he would move over like a foot or two.

Because he was finding out what's going on. He knew somebody behind him kept pushing him. And every time he'd not leased a lease in the coke jam, I hear when he was at this position with the cigarette up, I just push him into somebody and you hear the girl go, ahhhh. Little hair burning. This went on for 20, 30 minutes. The concert started and it was so boring. Me and my buddy are like having our own fucking great time. We did this and finally he got so high the guy that he just passed out. Like he just fell and people just started stepping on him. And people stood there the whole night. He was on the floor. This guy was so high on heroin, he was just laying there. So now we're there jumping, giving us some music. He's lighting

cigarettes and flicking them at chicks. And he has microphones. He has handkerchiefs on his microphone. Okay. So we're in it about an hour now. And he's saying, and he's fucking up the words. It's like Sinatra. If you want to see Sinatra in the 80s, bro, he had no idea what the words were. Even with the teleprompter, he would not have an idea what he was saying. But Poblesito, you know. But this guy was so inebriated and he was just singing different songs and the band was looking at him and then he started taking it out on the audience. And he would light the cigarettes and flick them. There was somebody through a joint and that's where it got ugly. He lit it, took two hits and flicked it and it burnt one of the girls. Here I am burning women for an hour.

And he decides to flick a joint and burn a chick. They start yelling, fuck you. He's like, fuck you, fuck you. He's holding on to the microphone, singing a song and they start tugging on his handkerchief and his handkerchief. And he's going back and forth. This goes on for like three fucking minutes. And I knew one of the kids, Mike Askelis, I still talk to him on the phone from time to time. They go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Finally, he throws the microphone and then dives in head first. That was it. You don't do that in New Jersey. They don't give a fuck who you are. Punches. He's on top of the audience and punches were hitting them in the face. Ba boom, ba boom. They're just punching Steven Tyler. They're just clocking Steven Tyler. Finally,

security couldn't get into the audience. They wouldn't let them. Security from the stage had to grab his fucking neck by the shirt and rip him up. And I'll never forget, he's in mid-flight and it's like a step for them and somebody just comes up to him and hits him again. Perfect. They pulled him up and he ran to the back. The concert was over. No more fucking Aerosmith. Three weeks later, they were done. Done. Done. You didn't hear from Aerosmith, nothing. And one day, I'm in Aspen, Colorado, eating a kway lute. I'm in a hotel across the street from the In-N-Out sandwich place, not the In-N-Out hamburger place. This was the In-N-Out. I ended up robbing them too. I had a bill in there. One day, I said that I saw the guy that

didn't make deposits and they left a window, the door open, had one lock with the thing. You know, like with the vent? Yeah. Open. Are you kidding me? In those days, I was an acrobatic. I was 19. That's an invitation from Uncle Joe. I just jumped up and kicked the window and went right through. And the next day, they knew it was me. But I stayed at that little Austrian hotel there and I'm sitting there watching MTV and fucking whatever comes up and she goes, bro, I'm here at a high school in Boston. Aerosmith is back. And I'm like, no, they're not back. And they were jamming dog. They were clean and sober and they put the camera on them. They interviewed them. I had fucking goosebumps. I'm like, there's no way these guys are back.

But like two years later, like the next summer, I went to see Foco. Joe Perry put a band together, the Joe Perry Project. And Hart was opening up for him at Radio City. So I went down there and I was all quailuded up and the skinny blonde was like 10 feet from me and I grabbed the ankle and they told, they went to throw me out, but then the security guy was cool. He let me send them back with the fucked up people and shit. I grabbed their ankle dog. Those quailudes do some weird things to you as Bill Cosby and shit. They just take over a motherfucker. So did those motherfuckers quit for a while or what, Aerosmith? Run them, see right on back. Done. Done. Then they put out an album called Done with Mirrors

that is so bad you can't find it. Well, they're done now. Done with Mirrors. It was so bad. There was like three songs from Aerosmith and the songs that Joe Perry had released, they re-released them. The album is horrible. It won't even play. If you find it. When I saw them on their movie, Sergeant Pepper Lonely Heart Club Band, I said, who is this band? Because I don't know who they were. They were singing a Beatles song on Sergeant Pepper Lonely Heart Club Band. It's like a BJ's movie. Yeah. Come together. Come together. Then fucking Run DMC. Run DMC. How crazy is that? They were gone, right? They were done. They were rehearsing, but.

This was going up. Listen, bro, they were cleaning soul, but they couldn't, they couldn't write a song to fucking, and then that's why they went to ballads. Like somebody started writing ballads. Ballads and all that stuff. Remember, they did, they did. What's that jam they did? The movie? Even when I close my eyes. Lee Lysa, he sings that to his girlfriend. What is that from? That's from Armageddon. Yeah, Armageddon. They did that, but Jamie's Got a Gun is good. That album is good. Jamie's Got a Gun. 87? That album is good. 87, 88. That whole fucking, I mean, not the whole album, but it's got its moments, but it's, it's not do looks like a lady, you know, but it ain't,

it ain't fucking get your wings. It ain't fucking rocks. No, no, no, no, no, not even close. You could smell it. When you put rocks on with a needle, like I'll get rocks right now, put it on, you can smell heroin. I feel like the fourth song you start getting high and shit. That's how much fucking age they did for that album. Like that album is raw. That's got, that album's got two songs that are just pure heroin. You hear them. It's like when you hear Alice in Chains, like I heard Freak, the, what's that? The Freak, the Freak, whatever the other day I was driving. I'm like, if this isn't heroin, this is beat the Freak. What's it called, Lee? Let's see, hold on. Fucking amazing jam. Freak show? No. Alice in Chains, something to the Freak. I forget.

Bleed the Freak. Bleed the Freak. Goddamn. You could smell the heroin in your car. You're like, I better not get pulled over. They think I got Chinese people in the truck and shit yelling and screaming. Atawa, atawa. What's up, Felipe? What's up, fool? Any good movies lately? Oh man, a lot of good movies, man. St. Medea? What's up, Medea? The Halloween movie Boo? I don't want to talk about that one. It was hilarious, bro. I just don't want to talk about that one. It would be tough, bro. Talking the other night, I was smoking dope and I had an idea of a lifetime. Okay, and the, and the, and the, I see the manager thinks like I think. Manager, how much did you like Jack's Teller, the truth? Is that like what? Jack's Teller. What's that?

Son's anarchy. Oh. The show I'm trying to get fucking on over here. Oh, son's anarchy. I love son's anarchy. They're doing, they're doing, they're doing two spinoffs. But for some reason, I fell in love with Jack's Teller. Whatever his name is, Charlie Hoonan. He played a gay guy on the other show. And when I see them in Son's anarchy, I don't think Son's anarchy is the greatest show in the world, but I see this kid. Son's anarchy has been off for two fucking years, am I lying? Two years? Yeah. Two years. Where is this kid? Nothing, nothing. So two years, he hasn't done a fucking thing. They got him scheduled to play a Mexican with Blue Eyes, a drug dealer. Yeah. A famous drug dealer. Labarri, Labarri. Yeah, he's coming out with some other fucking movie

about prehistoric time that nobody cares about. They're wasting this motherfucker's time. So you know what I mean, Doug? I'm sitting there smoking dope. Fifty shades of gray. He was supposed to be. He said, yeah, he turned it down. Yeah. And he would have been perfectly dirty. So I'm sitting there taking the other day. I always ask my, my, he's at my agency. He's with a different division. He's with the fucking print pimps and shit. But I asked my agent one day, what the fuck is up with his agent? Do you ever talk to him? Because you know him well. I go, how come this kid not doing 20 fucking movies? Then I sat there and I go, this kid ain't a movie star. Remember, movies and TV are two fucking different things, okay? Two different fucking animals.

Jack's Tell is already on fucking FX. He's already on FX. And Netflix. I tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go fucking put together a treatment of the mechanic. Oh yeah. And I'm gonna play Charles Bronson and die in the third episode. Like, I'm gonna fucking just shoot me because it's really his show. Yeah. It's really Jan Michael Vincent show. You know what I'm saying? Have you ever seen the mechanic with Jan Michael Vincent? What he looked like when he shot that movie? Oh yeah. It was badass, man. So I'm thinking this, see the mechanic remake, the reason why I got really mad at the remake of the, first of all, don't fuck with Charles Bronson. Oh yeah. Leave that fucking man alone. Do not retouch his movies. Leave him alone. They're all gonna die in hell.

They're all gonna, this 12 fucking, the dirty dozen remake with the Cowboys and Magnificent and that is not right. That is not right at all. I won't even, I am pissed at that. No, you're no shit. You can tell that movie is just god fucking awful. First of all, that's a fucking Japanese movie. I walked out of the audition. Did you really? No. Oh, that's all bad it was. No dog. I wouldn't even want to read for that. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'd rather do the podcast and go on the road. I'm done. I don't want to read for that shit no more because that's just embarrassing. That's just embarrassing. I did the longest yard. I came out smelling like a rose and I moved the fuck out. You know what I'm saying? Somebody give me a coat. If the movie would have

died, I would have been in bad shape, but the movie did well. Some people still hire me because of it. I don't say nothing. I got to call to do another movie. I'm shooting in North Hollywood this November 28th to December 17th. They just called me up. How did you manage that? You don't know. You don't even have to like get a hotel in the cellar for nothing. You want me to tell you how I managed it? How fucked up is God? I'm thinking about, you ever see Scarface? Yeah. Scarface was on the other night and it's eight o'clock and I'm going through the things, the baby's in the room. On you. And I pressed the fucking thing and it's just dark. And that dude that puts the thing to his face and says, how'd you get the scar on your face? Yes, the cop,

eating pussy. I did a movie with that dude, but what I did the movie to do to do had glaucoma ready. He was 68. His wife had just died. A beautiful man. He taught me more about acting in that fucking movie. We did some movie together. And in fact, me and the director and this girl from getting into a fight on the set, nobody talked to me for three weeks. It was fucking horrible. But guess what? I had the fucking, I had him on the fucking podcast. It wasn't a great podcast, Paul T. Murray. Oh, okay. So the other night I'm watching Scarface and I go, I wonder what happened to old man John. So I was going to church with John. He's one of those old guys that you talk to when you go, I got to do what this motherfucker is doing. He was in dog day afternoon. Anything

that guy did, he was it. So dog day afternoon, Scarface, anything that guy did, the guy would just call him and give him a role. Some roles were big, some roles were small. And Scarface, he goes, John, I got a little rope for you. He goes, go in there, Pacino's in there and ask him this question, you know, how'd you get the scar on your face? Beautiful old man. He just took, you know, those old man that you look at and you go, this motherfucker, I used to smoke dope in the car with him before church. And he would finally go, give me a head of that shit. He was one of those dudes. And we used to go to talk a sacred heart on Wednesdays and he used to go, why are all these chinks here? And he didn't know Pacquiao was there. Pacquiao used to go to church there

on Wednesdays. We used to just happen to go on Wednesdays. And we used to go in and then I took him and then he took me to another one in Santa Monica Boulevard and right in the middle of church, he goes, there's too many fucking gays here. We got to go. I was like, oh my God, I met the perfect old man. You know, I don't have a granddad, but if I did, I wanted that dude. Anyway, when I talk about the reason why I had a mom there, Felipe, he told me a story. He goes, I got a call to go down there and audition when I had Pacino. I just know Pacino from Needle Park and I saw him in New York a couple times. I don't know this kid. He's supposed to be a tremendous actor. I get to the audition and they say, put a knife to his face. So he comes in, he goes,

first of all, his script looked like it had gone through a shredder. He goes, that's what that dude does, Pacino. He goes, his script looked like he had ripped it apart and put notes and glued it back together and had shots re-wrote it. He goes, he came in, the director goes, do it, John. He goes, why did you get that scar on your face? He can push. He goes, cut, cut, John, come outside, please. John, don't touch his fucking face. That's the middle. Are you kidding me? Don't touch his face. That's the money. That's the stuff. That's the money. How can you touch his fucking face? Go on and apologize. John goes in, Mr. Pacino, I'm sorry, touch your face. He goes, no, no, it's the role. With that, they do action and he does it again and now he gets a call. John, they want

to see you outside to produce it and he comes, pulls him aside. He goes, how come you're not touching his fucking face? Put that knife in his fucking eyeball. Take his eye out and he goes, the director just, no, I'm the one that's signing fucking checks here, okay? I want that knife in his fucking eyeball. The Palma? The Palma. No, no, whoever the producer was, yeah. Whoever the director was, the, I don't know, I don't know that. I tell him, I tell him, the guy now in the hotel room, the one that was at Joy Medina. No, the guy that talks to him in immigration. Oh, that guy. There's two guys that talk to him in immigration. There's a guy standing and there's one guy sitting. The guy comes over and puts the knife on his fucking face. Yeah, he says, yeah. What do you

think when you first, how old when you first saw that movie? Full man. It was 1984. So how old were you? I was like 14. Were you doing blow? Hell no, they're doing nothing, man. I love that. Were you thinking about it? Hell no. I didn't even know what that was yet. So when you saw it, we went to, like, we have friends in Burbank and my dad was our cousin. We went over there and they made a bunch of ceviche, bro, like a big bucket of ceviche and we all sat down, all the little kids, all the grownups and we all saw Scarface on VHS for three hours of the whole movie. And I was like, first of all, I didn't get it, you know, but I started watching it. I started saying that. That's a lot of fucking money, man. And then my dad and my friend were making dogs.

And they were like, my dad and them loved the movie though, man. They loved it. How old were you the first time you saw it? I was little, dude. It was probably like a year came after we'd seen it on VHS, but I didn't understand what was going on about the kill. I was wondering, I couldn't have the same suit as John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. How were you when you saw it, Lee? Last year. No, I was probably like, I was probably like 16 or 17. And did you only go out and do a little toots and get your life together? No, that always scared me. You know, hang out with Pacino in the Puerto Ricans? No, no, I, like, there were people were getting shot, dude. Oh man.

That reminds me when, um, when I was doing a lot of blow during my space days, and I wanted to see who wanted to party and I would tweet on my Facebook and I will tweet. Um, no, my update would be, um, who's up right now? Hen Hen, anybody watching Scarface? And then that's how I know people were doing blow tonight. Maybe they'll be inviting me to their house to your party or something. That was a cold room. Anybody watching Scarface right now? Four in the morning, hint, hint. But now you can just put a little nose with a 100. Little pile. But when I saw it later on, when I was like selling crack, you know, no, in, um, my neighborhood, he gave me a sense of power, bro, to watch that movie. Like, yeah, if he could,

if he can make it, I can make it. But now when I watch it, I see it that, you know, you can make it, you know, even if you're not a cocaine dealer, you know, it was a sign, you know, you come here, you work real hard. No matter what you do, you could be a survivor, bro. He just shows that life. But man, it's hard to watch sometimes, you know, because the some of those parts where he's dealing with a mom is so real, you know, like, he thought, you know, like he couldn't press his mom with money and the suit and she's still staying. Get the fuck out of here, man. It hurts, man. He was pushing drugs, dog. That's why. But she didn't know, huh? We never had a father. She knows something was up.

That shit was that movie was fucking brutal, dog. You know, those Cubans that came over in 79, it was, uh, it was, you know, somebody's got to do a documentary of the jail they let him out of. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like just walk through that jail. They weren't American jails. They didn't feed you on time. There's no feeding at seven. They would come in and throw a fucking piece of bread at your dog. Oh, they would throw like a sandwich into a cell with four of us. You know, and no showers. Because those are the hardcore criminals, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was really weird. I saw the transformation. I saw it right in front. You know, it's so weird how I was doing masculine one day and having a great time with 20 kids my age and all of a sudden

nobody's doing masculine anymore. You know, it went from, you needed $5 to get high. You needed 250 for a hit of masculine and 250 we could chip in for a six pack. You needed three, four beers and a hit of masculine. Somebody had a joint. You were good to go Rodrigo. And all of a sudden it went from that to people having to spend $50. You know, there was no sample of cocaine. If you really think the impact that this had on the economy here, you really have to think about 1978, 77. I saw it. I saw people talking. It was spoken in my house since I was a kid, but I was starting to see it more now. I was starting to see it. I knew my mom had white rings around her nose. I knew what time it was. I wasn't retarded, but now I was hearing people

talking about it. It was in the clubs. The kids older than me were coming back going, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Now I was in shock. I just thought my mom and her friends did it. Do you follow me? So now I had to sit there with my tongue tied. I could, you ever done it? No, I don't even know what you're talking about. How old were you? 13? Damn. So 13, it's 1976 and it was already creeping. 77 staying alive, Quailudes and cocaine. 78, 79 was the first time I had some and it was in a draw and it sat in that fucking draw for months. And then I went to a party one day and decided to take it. I knew I was going to sell it, but I said, fuck it. And I did it. And I didn't, you know, the first year I did blow,

it didn't get me off. I thought people were lying to me like Saturday Night Live. You know, for years, people's told me it was so funny. I go home and I wouldn't laugh. Maybe with flour. And a bunch of people were laughing and I wouldn't laugh with coke. I would do coke with people. I'd see them getting all twisted and hiding and shit. And nothing was happening to me until one day I had a cocktail. Uh-oh. See, I didn't drink. One day I had a beer and I'm like, oh, my jaw is clicking, my fingers are getting like I'm a piano player and shit. This party's on and shit. You were like, Jeff Dunham with no puppies. And then they dropped Scarface on these kids. Yeah, man. It was like taking a generation to Vietnam. You had to see it. Like I fucking saw it.

Like I saw kids that were decent kids and I'd see them in a bar falling to more than like fucking Lucifer and I would go, oh, shit. And then they weren't smoking crack yet. There was no crack yet. Like I was still 83, 84. Everybody had it. In 83, if you bumped into the manager, she pulled you aside and gonna listen. A friend of mine left me a kilo. Do you know anybody who could sell it? He said we could make a lot of money. You were bumping into people like that. Like your neighbor will come over and go, dog, do you know anything about cocaine? It was everywhere. It was everywhere. Everybody had it. 1800 an ounce or 100 a gram or don't even talk to me. 60 a half a gram. How good was it? It was right off the fucking shipment. They were

fucking piled it in here. It was glass. It was fucking glass. First time I went to Miami in 84. Nobody enjoyed. You didn't stay up. You didn't stay up. Your eyes got red like those red veins were in your eyes. You got all red and shit and you get high and your dick got hard and you had a good fucking time and you were lost. And then over the years, when you started getting, they started doing something to it, putting speed and they're a rat poison. And that's, and then in 84, 85, people were smoking it in cigarettes and clubs. I went to the city in 85. I was not doing drugs at this time and people were already, the Colombians, they would go, that's a Colombian table and you could smell the coke in here and they were putting it in fucking cigarettes.

And then I went over to the city to get weed one day. Manager, I've been going to the spot since I was fucking 13, 14. It was 148 and Broadway. Were you sure these weed stores today? Yeah. Listen, I was a cop there from fucking 77 to 84 and a half. And then I just started copping in Jersey or we were copping on 178th street. But if I was on 148th and I was in labor, I'd go there. It was called the master mix. The guy was right on the stoop. Stoop. He was on the stoop. He went up there and he had green weed that you never saw then. Nobody had green weed. It was all the weed from Jamaica up in Harlem. The master mix, it was the Buda tie, the chocolate tie. He had green weed and then he put it together and that was called the master mix.

And guess what he gave you? A fucking punch card. In 1980, Homie was already giving you a punch card. What did he say on it? If you bought 10 nickel bags, you got one for free. It was $10 If you bought 10, $10 bags, you got one for free. Throw your idea. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with? This is on the street. No license, no nothing. I went there and they go weed. We don't sell weed no more. It was cracked. It was gone. And the little vials were all over the street. And I had never seen that before. And then I went to Colorado. In Colorado, I heard about crack. People cracked up and shit. Where I grew up, like the biggest thing I ever saw was weed and alcohol. I'm sure that maybe there were pills or something and maybe there were some kids

who did other stuff. But did you ever have people? Did you have anyone who was negative about cocaine in your life or was everyone like really? It hit so hard, Lee. In 1982, it hit so hard. Like girls that you knew that were chili is that fucking CYO basketball at the prom were doing fucking powder. You know what I'm saying? It hit that hard. If you were at a party and there was 10 people, they had nine. In the beginning, cocaine didn't take over as a drug that got people high. Cocaine put you in a different class. The only people with money could fuck with them. That desert rat? That desert rat from fucking Glendale that fucked everybody when she was eight? She's somebody now. You walk into a bathroom, you do two lines, you come out and the whole room

will look at you. That's how you get people high class in the 80s by going, the whole room will look at you and they come up to you all creepy. Have you done coke? How is it? How's the drip? Tell me the truth. Can I get a little bump from you? It was fucking insane. It was fucking insane, but that's how they sold it. That's how they sold it. They didn't sell it because it was a great drug. You've done coke. It ain't fucking dick. After you see it, it ain't dick. They sold it. You became a bigger person. You were doing what the movie started, though. You know what I'm saying? It was the convertible. And then fucking every Clapton, then Black Sabbath, and that was it. Cocaine. That was it. It hit like the white lines. Ten years ago, you wouldn't see

a weed store. Now you see a weed store every two fucking blocks. That's what it was. Everybody had coke for sale. Everybody had it. Everybody could give it to you on the arm because they had so much of it in the house. People go, do you know anybody who buys coke? And you go, nah, not really. I mean, well, you haven't done coke in two days. You got a monkey in your back, his asshole's on fire. You know what I'm saying? I don't know, buddy. Let me give you an ounce. If you could sell it, sell it, not bring it back. What? You ain't ever going to see me, Charlie. But then Crack took over that. I don't know. How was it here? Oh, man. Same, same time, like like 82, 83. We were selling pure Thai stick at the little corner on Clarence Street in Boyle

Heights in the projects, Pico Aliso. It was called a Thai lamb because the other store was Thai stick. People drive by and they have these long sticks with marijuana stuck to it, and they will start out to the cars. And then one day, man, everybody started selling crack instead of Thai sticks. And then they started seeing these young 14 year old kid with little big gold chains and beepers. That was the first sign that I saw a young kid wearing a beeper. I said, damn, this was a doctor or what? And everybody was selling crack, man. Everybody, it wasn't like, it wasn't like it is now where you got to pay taxes to somebody, you know, or the neighborhood is controlled by some gang. It was like open. It was like the Wild Wild West

in my neighborhood, man. And they sold a lot of PCP to another spot. But man, I remember Crack was crazy, man, when it first came along. Crack was crazy. Crazy. It just took people to the next level, man. Like it'll just kill a whole family, man. Like instant addiction, right? You gonna make more crack out of a little bit of cocaine? I got hooked on a crack in Hollywood. For six weeks, I was smoking crack. I'd buy it right by the theater, by man's Chinese theater. Right on that corner, it'd be two black guys. We'd make eye contact. They beat me. They beat me 10 times. They'd sell me soap. These cocksuckers. My fingers were always dirty and shit. My wife would wake up. What is that fucking smell? The weed. Go back to bed. I would smoke it out of a

coke can. That's a gnarly fucking smell. Then I went to a pass and it was no crack. So I got hooked back on the coke and I didn't smoke crack again. Tremendous how addiction is transferring shit like that. I didn't smoke crack. I never thought I'd smoke crack. Me neither. I didn't like listening in 82. Free bass is getting big. Is that different from crack? It's hotter, right? Bro, it was fucking stupid white people. They wasted my fucking time. Wasted my fucking time. Okay. And Timmy, there's a kid who listens to the podcast. Timmy Holloway, my buddy. Timmy. Timmy. Timmy. Me, him. Me, him, and this black dude, a friend of mine came up to me when they was, bro, I heard you got good coke. I just graduated high school. I go, I can hook you up.

He goes, dog, I sell coke to pimps. He goes, I got these pimps down in Jersey City and whatever that will buy coke from you. We got to go down to the hotel. But the guy that was gonna, that's where I got the word tremendous from. Everything in this kid's life, you'd say tremendous. How are the girls? Tremendous. How's the coke? Tremendous. How was that right turn? Tremendous. He would even tell you that right turn was tremendous. So we went to Steve Valanus. I don't, I forget what the fuck his name was, dog. Tremendous. We went to this hotel room. It's the summer of 82. I'm getting my coke from my high school teacher. But now since we were out of high school, he would tell us to... Mr. Belden. Huh? No, I don't know. It was Mr. Belvedere. It was

the camel. Let's just call him Camelbreath because he used to smoke Camel cigarette. And his cigarette was orange from the Camel cigarettes. Tremendous. So Camelbreath, he would sell you the coke already in a fucking bundle. So we went down to this pimps. I gave him a couple grams. Here's the coke. We still got an F in his final. What's that? No, no, we were out of school. He wouldn't fuck with us then. And the pimp was like, dog, have you ever free based? And I go, no, but we'll give it a shot. And he did the whole thing. He had all his hookers there. And they were like, he was a magician. And he did it, but he had like the silk scarf and shit, you know? He was like, he was like, orange juice, Jones and shit. And he would tell the

bitches, you ain't getting them. You hook a motherfucker. And me, him and the other two people smoked it. And it wasn't bad. And there's a place. Again, next time you go back to Carolina, tell George, Joey said, take me to East West. East West. East West is a head store that's been there. This is gossip. From 1970, when I was a kid, I used to go in there and buy when people go to a tape recorder to a concert, yes, whatever those are called. Remember that shit in the seventies. Not bootlegs. Yeah, bootlegs. People go, if the Stones played six nights in the garden, you would go all six nights and they get one show. And, but they also had a how to make fucking free base kit for $49. No way. So I bought it. I took it home. It was butane,

a glass, a silk scarf, a ton of shit. And then you, we went home. We went to my friend's house, Devo. When I woke up in the morning, all the bottles were turned upside down. It was like 15. We went through 15 grams. And like at the end, the next day I said, what did we do? First of all, you got to sit there and cook it and it's going to dry. It's white people's shit. I'm sorry, manager. It's white people's. There's too much thought. Just give it to me. Give me that motherfucking mule. You know what I'm saying? Let's get that jar going. Give me a little freeze. I got a cavity back here. Let's get the Bolivian hardship going. But you can't do that no more. We got to be decent people. We got to respect ourselves. We got to be comedians and shit.

Top notch, chop notch, man. You know what I'm saying? If you want to get to the top, you can't bring that mule with you. So as long as you know that going in, it's all works out for you. You should like that. Yeah, man. The first time I tried crack, I liked it, man. I heard it's fucking instantly addictive. I've never heard anybody that's done crack that say that shit sucks. Everybody says super fucking good. Listen, at that point, the point of my life when I was smoking crack, it was like 98. I didn't really give a fuck, Jack. He was like, fuck it. Oh, yeah. And some of the nights I would smoke it, even if I knew it wasn't crack. I would just smoke it because I bought it. I might as well get my money out of this. This didn't taste like Saram

wrapping shit. I smoke it all, man. Oh, fucking terrible. Terrible the shit you do when you're in that level. Yeah, man. You don't care. You know, when you're in that fucking level, you're fucking creeping, man. You give it money to somebody and hopefully they'll come back. Yeah. I'll be right back. You should be right back. You're there for three hours. That's the worst. That is fucking four in the morning on seventh and spring. Little pinch or shit, too, if they don't come back. I met this drug dealer. My mistake. My mistake. Drug dealer. I met him by chance, but this guy was so fucking good. He was at the end of my journey. He was at the end of my cocaine journey. He was like one. I put him into the rotation. The problem was I didn't have his phone

number. I didn't have a way how to get a hold of him. His cocaine was the best at all the coke I was buying, D-Money, El Compadre. I had three or four. Yeah, yeah, yeah. John Blaze, the motorcycle guy. Martel Cartel. Martel Cartel. Martel Cartel was good, but I had to fucking shake him down because they'd sell me this shit. They're selling the fucking white people. Give me a real mule in the back that I'm cutting shit in the fucking shit. He was cutting it like 20 to fucking 10. The Martel Cartel until I showed up and said, you can't do that. Step it on. You can't do this shit. Martian on that shit, bro. So, so towards the end one night, I pull into El Compadre and I get a tap in my window and I zip the window down and the guy goes, come on that way.

I go, come on that way. I have a present for you and I look at him and I go, really? I thought he's gonna fucking shoot me. I thought he's gonna fucking shoot me. I thought the gun was right there. He takes out like a savage. You know how decent people go, let's go to a bathroom. Can I get in the car? He don't give a fuck. He takes out this brown bag that's wrapped and he goes in it and he goes out anyway. No permission, no nothing. He puts the rock in my nose. He goes, get away, get away. And I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, and I'm like trying to fuck where the fuck do I know you from? Who comes up here and puts a coke rock in your head? First of all, what the fuck do I know? He's talking to me. He's not poisoning me.

He's talking to me. I'm like, I don't know who the fuck this guy is, but this coke's on fire. Like I'm already my throat's dry and shit. And I said, do you have money? He goes, see him, get in. I go, give me a 60 just to see what he was playing. No scale, no bullshit. He went in that little magician bag. He gave me some love. He took out a boulder and just handed it to me. Like I'm like, give me paper, no, give me no iceberg. Nothing, bro. I had to put in the thing, find paper, hide it. And I pulled out of there and that was it. Okay. I go back to Elk and Padre maybe two, three weeks later, I'm asking around, is there another guy that just walks around but I just hallucinate. Is there a magic magician here? Where's El Musico? The man with the ruck.

I don't see this guy. I don't see this guy ever again. And then I ended up doing one of those three comedy show nights, you know, La Casa Rosa with Fly, La Casa Latina with Fly and then shoot over to Jeff Garcia's and do that one for 50 and then shoot over to Felipe's. Felipe would have 75 for me. So some nights, there'd be too much traffic on the one-on-one and I get off on Sunset. Right? And one night I get off Sunset, minding my own business, you know, I'm a little agitated. I can't get no drugs. It's already one o'clock, the fucking Laker game, fucked our shit up, you know what I'm saying? And one night I'm at the light by Western Sunset and I'm hearing like, it bad out. It bad out. It bad out. I'm looking around and who do I see but the Mexican running up

to the car. The Coke Fairy. Yeah, the Coke Fairy running up to the car. Runs up to the car. There's like a burger king on the corner and there's a construction thing in there and then the sprint and then there's like a blaze pizza. You know, you guys know what I'm talking about. Yeah, man. You know what I'm talking about? Western Sunset right there. There's a McDonald's or some shitty place. He lurks in those trees. So he comes up to me at the light. One o'clock in the morning, Sunset Boulevard. Come a that way. Come off this way. And I'm like, oh my God, you showed up when I had energy. Before I could say a word, baboon puts a rock in my nose. Again. Again. Nope. May I? Nothing. What's in it? I sat across feeding the reindeer. Again. At the light.

Like he owns fucking Western and Sunset. He goes, again, his way. I just took out everything I had. Give it to me. He just took out a fucking boulder. I remember driving home with the Coke Rock in my hand. Like a fucking delight. I say that joke on stage. It's not a joke. I drove home with a Grammy three quarter rock in my hand. Just driving home with the air conditioner on lightly and the fumes are hitting my face. Tremendous. And I said to him, how do I get a hold of you? And he goes, just come here at night. I'm here from 12 all night. I go, where? He goes, just drive up and down like once or twice. I'll come out of the tree. Okay. Call this Tony Bennett, cocksucker. That surface. Where's Tony Bennett? Oh, oh my God.

This fucking. Sometimes that one time I was supposed to say the third time I looked at the Coke Rock, it got bigger. Oh yeah. Hell yeah. I always been like that. I was at this bar and I was loaded and the guy goes, you want a bump? It's a good look bar, man. The good look bar right there on Hollywood. Right there on Sunset by the on Vine. Fine. The guy goes, you want a bump? I went to the bathroom and he gave me a long line of, I thought it was coke, but it was meth. A real big line and an extra one. Man, after I was done, I was just by myself, bro, listening to music by myself awake.

No beer, nothing wrong. I cleaned the whole house. I got a little toothbrush run and I cleaned the edge of the everything detail. Yeah. Fucking beauty. Raiders won, baby. 30 to 20 when I first played. You're going to move to Las Vegas now? I'm going to go to the games, pick up a gig on Saturday and watch the game on Sunday. You know, it's crazy. When I moved here, I thought I was going to hide my addiction. Like, I'm like, I'm not going to find no money to store the improv that's got below the third night. I think I got a package. I was so ashamed of myself. Like, I'm like, I can't fucking believe this. I'm in LA and I'm getting packages the third day. This ain't going to fucking go nowhere.

You know what I'm saying? Like this is, I always thought when I come to LA, I wouldn't find somebody for like a year and by that time who the fuck wanted to do it, you know? But life always throws a different curve ball. Hey, what's going on with you, Mr. Attorney? When are we getting the fucking degree? I haven't been to school in two years. Two years already, huh? It's been already two years. Yeah, man. Can we go online? Can we go on Phoenix and just finish this fucking thing? Contract law, Hollywood law, contract agent, whatever. You can start. The beautiful thing about that stuff, just as long as you get your paperwork and you start doing contracts, we can make a living with you. Everybody needs to look at a fucking contract. Stop flipping houses. That's

it. Flipping fucking contracts. When you're an attorney, you could do so many fucking things, especially in this town. You could be a manager. You could fucking, you know, look around for people who slip and fall. You know what I'm saying? There's so many angles. You could defend the fucking drug dealers. Those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those, those. Call me now, Seattle, Espanyol, but I said number two. And by the way, I told you motherfuckers last week, if you're trying to get unemployment or you're calling for an airline ticket or anything that offers you, do you want this line in Spanish? Always press that line. It don't matter. They're still going to talk to you. You don't have to wait forever. They don't want to piss off Spanish

people. Little fucking tip for you from Uncle Joey, all right? Who gives, they're not going to hang up on you because you're not Spanish. Tell them you're deaf. Tell them the music was on. You don't know what the fuck they're saying. You just pressed two by mistake, but we're here now. Let's handle this situation. My vacuum broke. What's going on, you bad motherfucker, Felipe? Always a player. I'm going to be on Superstore this Thursday, man. What's Superstore? Superstore on NBC with American Ferrara. Okay, look at you. It's called Superstore on NBC at eight o'clock on Thursday. It's my second time on a roll, a recurring role named Cody. Look at you. You and I have discussed the acting

thing. Yes. Let's finally come into fruition. It took a while. You never know when it's going to strike in this time. Most people at home checking off right now, you got two fucking episodes. Self tape myself was Rodrigo Torres and Adam Murray. You didn't know that Rodrigo was a brilliant fucking camera dude. He knows how to hold it steady. I remember Rodrigo's brother edited a video for Rancho Bob. He wanted to make a video of a cat. He kept bugging me. Why can't I make a video? I go, all right, come on back. Let's make this cat. He shot the video and did edit it all and gave me the fucking video. Your brother was a beauty. And I'm trying to take my head shots. There was only one picture. He duplicated it. It was the same ugly picture. I was like,

now I get why you get photographers and shit. You wanted to be Tarantino. He had the original script for fucking mulatto. What's his name? Machete. He had the original script. His brother wanted to breed horses in the backyard. His father said, hell no. Ain't no horses going to fit back there dude. He used to get pissed off. He's a beauty. He's a beauty. Poor Rancho. He's a beauty and shit. Who did we get fucked all you? Me on those edibles. That had to be 10 years ago, Rodrigo. Like eight. He was out. No. Yeah, it was 2000, 2008. 2006. I'm like, yeah, 2008, 2007. Man, it was 2008. Right there at the boxing gym. Yeah. The boxing gym out with you. We used to go to that spice company. That big dude always hook you with that

big ass bubble. And it was, I ate a whole candy bar. If we went there on Tuesdays, that was Kushmore. I had a deal. No, before Kushmore was on Hollywood. We had a deal with this dude. The guy's name was Dave. In fact, I just bumped into him about 18 months ago. He runs a barbecue bar in Burbank. I wanted to watch a UFC with a friend of mine. And he came over and said hello. He was a real interesting guy. He was a chef. And when the edible craze came out, he tried it at his restaurant and this guy hired him. And this guy made, he was one of the original guys that was making really tasty chocolate. Like whatever he gave you, like the best thing he ever made was non-Pareils. Really nice. Holy Jesus Christ. But in those days, Lee, there was no real

strength gauge. He was making them off the chart. Sometimes you ate them and you saw the devil. Sometimes you couldn't feel your fingers. You didn't see me that. Sometimes you fucking went out. Sometimes you ate them and nothing happened. But I used to go on. He used to tell me, if you come Tuesday mornings, I'll hook you up. Would you shove an edible edible in your mouth? No, no, no, no. I'd fucking go down and open your mouth. And he would give me one of each of whatever he baked to try and take for free. He'd like, just take it. So me, the fucking Sabbaths lamb, I would eat saddles and I would always have a quarter to one acupuncture. And that's the beginning of my acupuncture. And I would go in there, Doug, and I would think. You're the most

interesting man in the world, man. Fuck, they got there, man, bro. Can you fucking believe that? You're the fucking guy, bro. He has had blow at early in the morning and didn't get acupuncture. No, no, I wasn't getting blow. And then that morning, no, no, no, no, this is this. Right now, around this time, Maryland's been dead nine years. Wow. No way. Yeah. Whenever Rick Ramel was his birthday is, I met the manager on November three, it was, oh, it was November third or whatever. So she's been dead for nine years. I haven't done a line of coke for nine years. I stopped doing coke late the weekend that Maryland died and I was in Jersey. I had my old hotel room in Seacock and I couldn't wait to go back there because my buddy was getting

eight balls for $60 right off the fucking boat. And he kept telling me, you come back, just call me when you get to the hotel, bring it right to the hotel. I remember getting to the hotel. I didn't feel right. And I said, tonight I got to go to sleep. I just didn't, you know, when you're going to get the flu and my gigs were Saturday, I had a benefit early and then I show up my high school. So I don't want to be fucking fly six hours to be sick. Let me just stay in. So that night, I didn't do coke. He called me the next morning. He goes, I got that eight ball for you. I go, all right, tonight I'll see you in North Bergen. That's when I got the call about Maryland. I went and did the cop show. And then I went to my high school show. He showed up.

And I, I can't do it, man. Not tonight. And then was when that, they buried here on Tuesday. But that Monday I had an interview for a movie. In fact, the guy who gave me this movie, the guy who gave me this movie, I just told you three, four days in North Hollywood, he was that guy. He had another guy, another guy calling me in that Monday and saying to me, we want to offer you this role in a different movie. But he goes, we have to shoot this in 21 days. He goes, we have to finish this by Thanksgiving. We're working three weeks straight. We love you. We love the audition. Everything about you. We got one problem. Manager, let me tell you what this motherfucker said to me. He goes, you got a reputation and

liking the party. And if you take this movie, you can't be a minute late because everybody's on the set on every time. It's one room. It was like an AA meeting. Yeah. That cut through me. Like I went home on your list. And I went, I meant, and he goes, don't even give me an answer. I want you to think about it and think of, you could even stay clean for the 21 fucking days. And then call me in the morning. And I go, oh, fuck it. I went home. I thought about it. I did a goodbye bump. And I fucking show up the next morning. Last to the past. And you know what? I didn't do coke because you had to be on the set from eight to eight. So eight o'clock was when I would get the itchies and start going fucking crazy.

But I was so tired from being on the set all day, I would just get home, eat and go to bed. I got a bunch of valium and I would just take valium and just pass the fuck out. And by the time I got to like the 28th day, I said, why do coke now? I've been clean. And that's how I stay fucking clean in that movie. That was, it was all inclusive with the cat diet. A goodbye bump. But these fucking people gave me that movie. So that's fucking amazing. I get the nine years. So what I was telling you before was I saw Scarface and I went in to see if that old man was still alive because when I was hanging out with him, he was in the process of moving to Woodland Hills. Yeah. The fucking old people community,

they were in SAG. They got a nice house up there. They exercise, they box, they get the mingle, fucking movies play up there. They got every movie ever made up there if they want to bring it to their room. But it's like 8,000 a month. So he was telling me he might need money and shit. His pension wasn't going to pay for it. So I never seen him again. So yeah, now that went on IMDB and clicked on to the movie I did with him to see if I could see if he's still alive. And I couldn't find them in the next day. Paul T. Mary, who I haven't spoken to since he was on the podcast over there, a year and a half ago, called me out of the blue and he goes, Hey, I got this role. Check it out if you want to do it. It's a Jack McGee. So I'm playing a cop with the dude from

the fighter, the father, the Irish dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah. You know, it's not a lot of money. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to shoot right by my house. I get to act for a few fucking days. Who's better than me? Nobody. They got fucking catering service, right? You got breakfast made for you like a doctor. You got to wear somebody else's sneakers, but you're shooting a movie, right? How happy are you now? Hell yeah, man. I get there early in the morning. Felipe, what do you want? Breakfast, burrito? You want to chill in it? No. I like craft service, man. There's something about it. Like when you're a comedian, like at first I didn't really understand it. I did nothing. When I got on the set, it was like putting a fucking thief in a candy store.

Like I robbed the set of basketball. And then Bronx County was too much security, but I haven't been going in for a fucking pilot at ABC. Okay. And booking it and going to wardrobe. Manager, you have no idea how crazy Uncle Joey was and going to wardrobe at ABC, right there on Wilshire Boulevard. And when I get there, the lady says to me, do me a favor, go in that room and change. It was a small room filled with women's dresses with tags on them. Do you know how many of those dresses I robbed to go? I just clipped like fucking 200 of those things. When I got there, I had a bag with like a pair of jeans in there. When I left the bag, weighed like 80 fucking pounds. I went on Sunset Boulevard to every second-hand shop.

I made like 8,000 fucking dollars in shit. Like, oh yeah, yeah, Doug, please. Out of every one of those movies, I didn't really know what was going on. I was like a fucking criminal on those fucking sets. I didn't know what was going on. He was in character. And then people started teaching me, nah, there's food over there. That's why I did not fucking know what was going on. Till I got a show on NBC with Sidney Portier's daughter, John Aston's kid. It was a bunch of sons and daughters from other TV shows that moved in together. They were attorneys. And I got a recurring role on a TV show. And the first day, I didn't even know what hit you. I didn't even know what hit your line is. Hit your mark.

Yeah, I just stood there and I'm like, Joey, would you please hit your mark? And I'm like, what are you talking about? Joey, you got to walk over here and stand right there. And I would just stand and they were like getting agitated. But the director was so sweet. He's like, can I talk to you for a second? Have you ever done this? I'm like, I'm gonna stand the fucking calm. I got on a mountain. I went to the audition. I told the lady, I didn't want the fucking audition. When I walked into Lisa Block's office, it's a partner. Block something. I walked in and I go, listen, I'd rather not read for it. I'm not going to get this. It's for a fucking Mexican dude. She goes, just shut your mouth and read. I go, I'm not going to fucking get this. And I

got to go to New York to read for Analyze That. You're fucking with my shit. And she goes, read it. I called you here for a reason. And I read it and the fucking bitch gave me the role. And it was three. I was pissed. I feel you fucked up my New York trip and shit. Now I got to put that fucking audition on tape, like a dumb fuck. But I got it. And I wanted it. Guys, I didn't know nothing. I didn't know nothing too, man. When I came in to shoot the first episode of Superstore, I was nervous, man, because I never shot anything in my life for television. And I wasn't going to stand. Really? Yeah. It was my first sitcom ever. God bless you, man. So, man, I made friends with a camera man. I made friends with a standing.

Because I had a standing, this fat motherfucker. And I'm like, if I had a standing, and I'm like, am I really a fat of this fucker? But now he was fatter than me. So after the standing was there, getting all the light, doing all the blocking, I asked him, bro, what did they tell you? What did they tell you where to stand, bro? What the fuck? What did they tell you where to stand at? And he'll tell me, stand right there. Just stand right there, man. And then I made the camera man laugh. The one that was facing me. So he'll tell me, Felipe, I'm turned to the right. I can see your whole face now. It was fun, man. It's very nice when they don't have that dumb attitude to them. That's how I was blessed. I really was because I seen people who got tortured

on a sad dog. It's fucking embarrassing. And the people who do it should be shot. No, you shouldn't treat a fellow fucking worker like that. Yeah. But that was one of those places that the guy has like heat from a movie and shit. They'll fuck with you a little bit. I did that show and they were very nice to me on NBC. Then the show got canceled, which was good. Thank God nobody saw me. But then I booked this creepy show called 18 Wheels of Justice on TNT. You were on 18 Wheels of Justice? Yeah. Way before, when it was TNN. Before Spike. This is when it was TNN. Oh my God. Way before Spike. That was one of my real... I had a read in front of producers and my hand was shaking. 18 Wheels of Justice.

And I was a pimp. I played a pimp with white hoes and shit. And it was chicks from Playbank, Manchin and shit. And I had to drive to San Diego and they gave me paddium. Dog got held onto that paddium. You know, that was going right up my fucking nose. It was like $68. I made it all the way back from San Diego with eight fucking dollars. I ate those dry chicken cutlets from the fucking set. I took salad, chocolate bars. I was a savage in those fucking bagels. Oh my God. And I went on that set and the director dog taught me. And I was going to acting class, 200 a month to Vanna Chubbock. And that director just broke me like a fucking, but in a great way. Like he's like, why are you doing this?

How come you're not smacking her ass? Oh, she's a girl. Oh, that's what you're supposed to do if you're a pimp. Smacked her ass. I'm a smacker fucking ass. You know what I'm saying? Like, he sent me loose. Like that was the first guy. And I kept in touch with him for about a year or two. I kept in touch with that guy. He'd come to the communists. Oh, the fuck knows. He's probably a realtor now. Then we're just the deported. And then we did the deported with that fucking dude with the headpiece. Nick Torturo. That was one of them. And Pao Rodriguez. That was embarrassing though. Pao Rodriguez was late four hours. Oh my God. That was embarrassing. He had to go wake him up at his house. He had to jump the fancy. This was like, hey,

break into his house and wake him up. Get some pa. Wake up, pa. Hey. Oh my God. That was that director was fucking embarrassed. It was funny, remember? Rodriguez was supposed to have a mustache to the whole movie. And then he shaved his mustache. I shaved? Yeah, he shaved his mustache and had more scenes. He showed up to the set with no mustache. They made him a mustache. It was a horrible mustache. And kept falling apart. It was like, it was like that black tape. Oh my God. Why would he do that to people? He was a Mexican cop with a Cuban accent. I used to talk. On your beloved days. What year was that? 2007? 2007. I was clean then. I wasn't, I don't. Southern eight. Yeah. I wasn't snorting for that movie. You were blazing. I was

blazing like a three hands. You gotta the fucking take that monkey off your back. You know, like that $100 a day movie. Yes. It was cold too. It was, it was cold. It was cloudy. I don't remember how the food was, but I remember Paul being late. I remember I had scenes with you. I was just happy for you. I remember that kid calling me going, dog, you sent me a fucking animal. He's the real deal. He's going to be huge. He loved you. He said you reminded him of his brother. Yeah. So I was good for me that I recommended you knocked it out of the park. And it doesn't matter what it's online day movie. It was fine man. It was $6.95 or $1,000. You know, people get confused like this movie I'm doing is $125. I don't give a fuck. Man, you know, it's funny. There was a real legendary

actor and then we were the David, David Parada. You smoke weed with him. He was a guy. He was in Mean Streets. He was at the poor man Al Pacino. He played a pro vowel, played a pro vowel. Richard Paul. Oh, shit. Hell yeah. Right. I turn them up to Queen. He loves his life. Lisa Lisa. He got lost. I fucked him up. You guys know who Richard Priehl is on the soprano. Richard Priehl. Me and Felipe are doing this fucking movie. He has to be a fresh guy. He has to eat. That's the first dude I dosedly is Richie April. On the movie set. On the movie set. He went so crazy. He went and got a medical marijuana license for him and his wife to next day. Yeah. And that day it was chocolate bars. He told us some good stories. I don't know. David Pro Vow was the real deal

though. He said he trained Eddie Murphy for that movie training places. Bro, David Pro Vow. Watch him on the sopranos. He lit that season up. He lit that season up. He was only on for a season. And they killed him. Yeah, he killed him. He was a pain in the fucking ass. I hated him. I thought he was on for like two seasons. Yeah, he was a pain in the fucking ass. He's a good actor, huh? So, he takes it out. I just saw him in something the other day. Got a little heavier. But God bless those guys. They're still around. He was so cool, man. About two years ago. No, no, no. About five years ago. You fucked him up, man. No, I gotta go. Oh, I did fuck his worst. I still have that picture of you and him all laughing. He's wearing that French hat. Oh, I fucked up David

Pro Vow. Oh my God. Mean Streets, bro. Oh my God. I tell you, when I did that boiling make a movie, I did that movie with a dude from, and I forgot though, the other night. Like, that's how fucked up my mind is. Like, I forgot I did a movie with the dude from the movie with the Nero, with the gun in Vietnam, Desert, the deer hunter, deer hunter, John, whatever. John Savage. There was a while where everybody, John Savage, I did like three movies with John Savage. He's a great guy. John Savage is in the fucking, he still works. He's 70-something, and he's still shooting movies. I am the beat him. He's still doing, it's like Dean Cain. Dean Cain could be here one week, Bulgaria, Canada, Chicago, and he'll do a movie with

Lisa Yat, and the next week he'll do a movie with Denzel Washington. You know, that's, that's when you love it. That's when you really find the passion for it. They give you a nice salary. I mean, he ain't hitting it out of par. I think he was disappeared. Stephen fucking Bauer. I have not seen him on Twitter fucking taking pictures with ukuleles. You know, John Savage was good in that movie, that movie, Salvador. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. John Savage is a real fucking, another guy that you go on a set and they talk to you like you're fucking Dean Martin. They don't have to talk to you. John Savage really has no reason to fucking talk to you, you know? One of the guys taught me a lot. Oh, um, Caddy Shack. I'm, I'm bringing out his name

right now. Rodney Dangerfield. No, the director. But I did talk that, that hit. Harold Ramis. Yes. Harold Ramis fucked me up. That was sensational auditioning for him. That fucked me up, but not as much as being at the comedy store on a Friday. And Harry Basil, who I just called the other day, still called him. Harry Basil came up to me and he goes, I'm going to have you get an audition for Rodney next week. And I thought it was like, like in those days, you don't know what people are telling you. I didn't tell nobody cause I didn't know if he was lying to me and showing up 10 days later, I got a call. You have to go in there and audition for Rodney. But guess who I went in in front of? The chick who gave me 18 wheels of justice. So I really had a relationship

with her. She had already booked me. So she was happy in front of Rodney. I went in there and read for Rodney. Rodney goes, bro, you made me laugh. He goes, the, the row you're read for, I gave it away, but call me in a few days. I got something for you. And a few days later, I got a call from me just to go to the set. What's it called that movie? I don't even know. Seven Wives? That one? No, no, no, no. It's fucking horrific. It's horrific, but Rodney gave me eight days. Yeah. In those days, I, well, I was booking was one day, one day, one day. It was so fucking frustrating. One day, one day. Then I busted two days on Arliss and I'm like, Oh, I'm getting there. And then I busted three days on something and then they reduced it to a one day co-star or some

shit. And I'm like, I'm never going to fucking get one. Then I got one day and analyzed that. I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with my life? That's all it was was one day. One day for 10 projects in a row. I did one fucking day. And I'm like, God damn it. I'm never going to bust out of the one fucking day thing. I don't even keep my dental. And I'll say, no. And I'll say, I got a call and then I go in there and I go on the set and then I go put a prisoner outfit on. I go, all right. I want to put a prisoner outfit on and I walked around. And then, and then also he put me in Rodney started going, come here, go on that scene. Sit at that table. Wait, you was it? Cause like I searched for it, but I can't find it. Back to midnight. That's the, that's the movie?

That's the movie. Back to midnight. And Rodney is like sitting that circle. And also the director's is like, uh, he's got lines. What's his name? He turned around and he goes, uh, Jojo, 2014. So I was Jojo, but I was on that set for fucking eight days. Like that's my first, and it was like four 60 a day. It wasn't scale, but it was the one under scale. It was like four 69 a day. Doug, would not check him in the mail. I ran to Whitley. I ain't gonna lie to you over Whitley and Hollywood. They got the check cash in place. They take two points. They'll cash it 24 seven fucking. They're my type of people. They're my type of people. I wouldn't even tell them. Like I would go on the sag thing when I get a residual. If there was a check there

for a grand, I tell them the day before, listen, you better have a grand in here because I'm coming into mom with a bust of fucking register. What are you talking about? But that was the first time Felipe. And at the end of the day, they wouldn't even be on the call sheet. I'm gonna like work. Am I working tomorrow? I don't know. Go ask Rodney. I have to go to his trail and knock on the door. Hello. Come in. What's up, Mr. D. Call me Rodney. Am I coming into mom? Yeah, come into mom. We'll find something for you. And that's the first time I worked with Paul. So Paul isn't Paul. Paul was on his way down kind of sort of and our boy was fucking smashing. George Lopez. So George Lopez was snapping. So there was a scene where the prisoners are gonna have a dance. Okay. And they

really got real strippers. Like I had that girl's number for like a year. She gave me a number. She said, I got two parties. I don't take it in the ass. I'm like, Oh, it's nice to meet you. You know what I'm saying? Like, like I've been dancing. You've been breathing on my neck for the last hour. Here I thought you were an extra. And that's when she started telling me all hookers and strippers here. They wanted this because they wanted a real feel for the fucking party. They want polished up girls. Just just breathing on my thing, drinking my fucking water. What the fuck is wrong with you? Now you got to drop a bomb on me. Now you got, I don't know what you got. I got to go and take two showers. But they really did. But there was a scene where

Rodney, and at this point guys, Rodney was old. Like he didn't know his lines. Like they had a guy with cue cards. A little bit before his brain surgery. And then for me and my world Felipe, I didn't, everybody was going to Montreal. I wasn't going to Montreal. Hell no. Everybody was at Gersh. I wasn't at Gersh. Everybody got invited to parties. I wasn't going to invite it to Dick. I was at the comedy store. So when I got to Rodney, yeah, I was like, you could all suck my dick. Motherfucker, handpicked me from the choir. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, what was the driver for fucking the Luccheses? He's the one that had the Jaguar. But he kept talking to Jaguar. That guy always said, I picked him from the choir. He picked me from the choir Rodney. He picked me

from the fucking store dog. You know what I'm saying? I would go in and he'd be in a robe, smoke on the joint. Like I'm Mr. D. It might come. It's Rodney. Yeah, come in tomorrow. And I'd just go in there and do one scene. But this particular scene, then when they would go cut, Paul Rodriguez would take the microphone, start banging on him, and start doing Rodney. Hey, how you doing? The funny thing. He kept doing it and doing it and doing it. And only some of the extras and the camera people laughing. The rest of the people in the room that knew Rodney knew not to laugh. Like I was gonna laugh because I didn't think it was fucking funny. You did it one time. It's great. Now, let it go. Let it go. But every time they'd say cut, he'd go, all right, cut.

You heard Rodney. Okay. And one time Rodney got cut and he goes, Paul, before you say something, so help me God, say one more fucking word. I'll fire you and replace you with George Lopez. Boom. End of game. End of story. You didn't hear one word from Paul Rodriguez. The rest of the fucking shoot. Boy, you're local. And that was it. That was it. But that was a great experience. I remember getting the check. It was like 3600 hours. It was like the most I had seen in fucking 10 years. Check cash and was happy. Oh, check cash and was happy and shit, dog. What are you crazy? Those are the days of jiggle talkers we do in the acting class, along with a fucking family of cats. Stop touching the microphone. See, Lee fixes his microphone, pilot the Bombardier. How you

feeling? Are you ready for the last mushroom type of death? They took it to the, that's fine, 3300 bucks. They took it to the back to give you a stack of money. That's crazy. I used to live in that fucking check. Man, for a while, man, because child support was going after everything I had. Everything. Man, Lisa and the manager and I, we had to go early. My flight was at eight at nine, but I got there early to the check cashing place over there in South Central by the airport, just catch my check. And then they charged me right like a $900 check from the Laugh Factory of for a whole month of gigs there, but I was happy, man. Thank God for Nick cashing place. Dog, when they cash you a check, you don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. As long as you're

cashing a check though, I used to do some creepy shit. So I knew I couldn't get away with dick. I wouldn't even try to fuck with them. Can't check cash and people because it was my home. They were open 24 hours, Whitley. That means if you went to the comedy store and there was a check for 3250, I'm getting a 20. I'm getting a 20. You know what I'm saying? I just gotta go to Whitley. I'll be right back. Hold on to that 20 for Uncle Joey. And it was 3250. So I give you like 29. Who gives a fuck? I got nine for breakfast. I'll figure it out tomorrow. You know what I'm saying? Ready to fucking go. It's amazing that check cashing. I got into that check cashing place in 1997 and I stayed going there until 2008 problem. What do you do for all your checks or only when

you really need everything? I had everybody looking for me at one point. They were all looking for me. Oh, paying my gas bill there? Oh my God, it was terribly, terrible. I never got the credit card, the ATM card from there. It's a waste of your time. Yes. But I would, oh my God, you know, when you, when my wife filed a judgment on me, probably like in 97, thank God it never got the comedy clubs. Like the only time a comedy club ever got a call was in the beginning, manager, I would go to a comedy club and they go, there's no, there's dude called for you. And I'd pick up the phone and it'd be American Express. Like, how did you know I was here? Why were you snuck around and we know you were getting comic and shit? They started calling me

at fucking lounges. Like open mics at the broker. You know how embarrassing that fucking is? Then they called comedy works one night on a Tuesday night. My heart almost fucking stopped. My heart almost stopped. They came up to me and they go, the guy's been on hold for 15 minutes. That's fucking embarrassing, man. In 1999, I went with Ruben Quintana and Luke Torres to do a show at MIT with a college gig, the day after Thanksgiving on a Friday. It was a good night. Man, we didn't know that Ruben Quintana owed a lot of child support to his wife. Child support got his check at MIT that night and we didn't get paid. We were supposed to get paid $600. Ruben Quintana was the kid that met the chick with the eight kids. Yes. And then he moved away.

He had my son. Yeah, no more. That was Christian comedy where I called him one time and said a bunch of shit on his answering machine. He called me back. This is a Christian house. What are you talking about? I just saw you eating. It's my Sergio. I just seen you fucking eating some dirty chick at a bar in Albuquerque. Rudy used to have a bar called Fleas. No, Bugsies. Bugsies on Tuesday nights, Wednesday nights, 150 in a flight at a flight, the Southwest flight, and the hotel was fucked up. But that hotel today is like very chic with a golf course. Yeah, they got showers with blue fucking heads on it. No, no shower curtain. All fancy and shit. You went with, you went with Gabriel Glaser on his first gig, huh? When he got laid. When he got laid that night and then the

classic nights was I went with what's his name? The old man, Larry Omaha. Larry Omaha. And I saw Larry Omaha fucking hit. If there was 18 women in the room, Larry Omaha hit on all 18 of them, and the guy that was thinking of being a transgender. You know what I'm saying? Wow. I saw him ask everybody to dance and I remember sitting there like doing a couple lines of coke. Just to dance. Because that place, yeah, that place, as soon as you walked in, they put a package in your hand. Yes, weed, whatever you wanted. Weed, coke, whatever the fuck you want. And the hotel was disgusted, bro. Disgusted. You ever seen those dogs that have hair that's been bit off? That's how the carpet looked. Disgusting. I went back there. The maid stole my towels. Maybe I went back

there to do a gig at that, what, Lax? Lax. In Albuquerque. Oh my God. Was that in Albuquerque? Was Hood? No, Hood wasn't there. This was an independent night. Some kid hired me to go down to the Tuesday and Wednesday after the longest yard. We got like 92 people in two nights. We died in a serrano. He had to give me like a light envelope. I didn't give a fuck. I was just happy to go. It was light. But the hotel he put me in was that same hotel. And it was fucking beautiful now. Yeah, it was fucking beautiful. It's amazing what a couple years do. The crack hotels have disappeared. That's it. That's all you got to tell me, Felipe, and bring you all the way up this fucking hill off Seattle. How was Seattle? Amazing, man. What's the name of the club?

Parlor Live. We were there last week. Rodrigo and I and Toby Hicks. It's funny, man. We were walking around a city and Rodrigo's rolling up a joint in front of Starbucks, you know, trying to keep a needle rolling it up. And then there's a crazy white dude standing next to us giggling, you know, we don't know who the fuck he is. But I thought he was a narc. So you're looking at Rodrigo, um, let up his roll of the joint. And then he looks at me. He goes, Oh man, don't don't worry about me, man. I just have a machete in my bag right now. And I look, he had a fucking machete. He goes, I'm just waiting for my somebody, man. They're gonna buy this machete. I had it on Craig. This is Seattle. Yeah, Bellevue. And I'm thinking, man, he probably

I'll see it to myself. When I look to him, I say, man, are you gonna chop everybody up right now, man? Because you do it after I leave. He was just standing behind with a creepy with a machete, man. We didn't talk about creepy dog. I went to downtown that way tonight. Oh my God. Holy shit. It's like the one street. I had to go to Eddie Bravo's, uh, jujitsu tournament. By the way, it was fucking beautiful at the Orpheum. Nice. Gary Tonan already fucking had a heel hook. I watched three or four matches and I had to come back to do the podcast. But before you walk into the Orpheum, no matter where you park, whether you park next to the Orpheum, or you park down the corner from the Orpheum, you don't lose. There's a burrito shack or something down the corner.

I got two carnita tacos. Like you ever get two tacos, walk to the car and it's like a mile away. Yeah. And you're like, I should have got 22 tacos all the time. By the time you get to the car, you're like, those motherfuckers went good. That pork was a money jack. But I'm like, fuck, I'm already across the line. That means I got to walk back. My hand's a greasy. So this time I made a mental note. I'm going to park next to that taco place. But I got there and I parked next to the Orpheum and on the way, Lee Pizza. And I remember the last time somebody got a slice and said that pizza was off the chain. It's been there for 2000 years and they put like exotics up on pizza. It's like a supressat on fucking Galvanado cheese and cheese. Where's

this at? Right on 8th and Broadway, right next to the fucking Orpheum Theater. And as I was walking on, I smelled like, well, we got to take a chance. Dog at the window, two black dudes came up to me, one on each side. Dog, I used to be a dancer in Harlem. The other guy told me he was the navy and shot some fucking governor. And I'm like, all right, so what do you want from me? Can you hand this something, a dollar, something? I gave the one guy change. That's a mistake because now they all fucking charge you. So I started giving them all change and dollar bills and they still wouldn't leave me alone. Then they come back for a second and listen, I got to tell you a story. Listen, I gave you a dollar, so I don't have to hear a fucking story. They're everywhere down there.

It's like that show that fucking people watch. What is it? The dead people walking around walking dead downtown. Every 20 fucking feet. While I'm standing eating a pizza, a lady walks to me with as much legal clothing as she had to wear. She was completely fucking bald, not a tooth in the fucking mouth. And she was walking past me like she was Bridget Bardo, the color moon raker. I'm like, what fucking planet are you on? But I can't say nothing. Who am I? There was two dudes across the street doing something. They were doing something. I just looked and kept fucking walking. Some of my business, you know what I mean, I ain't got, you know, they weren't hitting somebody or raping somebody, but they were doing

something like smoking heroin. They were doing something creepy. It was fucking seven o'clock at night, guy. The cool thing is to move down there now. What do you ever move down there? Yeah, yeah. Look at me. I'm looking for the map right now. I'm going to move down there. That's the first place that's going to fall apart when the earthquake fucking comes right under the one 10 o'clock sucker. I used to live over there. Yeah, right by the exit. I used to live on first in Maine at the loft for a while. You're fucking crazy. That's the hip thing. Why don't you move down there? You and mama go down there. We're down the block from the Staples Center. I'm not going down there. Yes, you are. They're going to have the new building,

the Festos Tower and shit. I'm not Festos. Fucking guy moved. That's Festos. Like I'm going to move downtown because it's fucking hip. I know two people moved downtown and then they moved the fuck out. That never came back. Downtown is on your way out. Downtown is where you move when you're like, you know what? I'm thinking I'm going to move downtown and all of a sudden it becomes fucking real down there. It has to. Every time I go to downtown, you know how many times I like going downtown? Never. Never. I don't. I haven't gone to the last two EBI's. Not out of disrespect. Number one, I always get lost. I don't know what temple is. I don't know what grand is. It takes one year parking. Next thing you know, I'm in Pasadena, you know,

it's a fucking nightmare. You know what? North. How do I end up in the one fucking ten north? Yeah, so it just pisses me to fuck off. So I just avoid downtown. My wife used to lay crunch. My wife used to work at the Disney Center. I used to have to bring it down there and bring shit down there. It was a four hour adventure and every time you get on the one on one north, no matter what time it is, it's bumping a fucking bump today. I ain't going to complain. It was very easy to get down there. Nothing against the fucking. There's homeless everywhere. They're every in downtown, but the comedy club we're at in Salt Lake City, man, there's a lot of homeless people there. That's a great club, by the way. I'm excited. Shout out to Keith Stubbs. Keith Stubbs.

I think so. I don't know when I just, they put you next to the, the old club, they used to put you next to Olive Garden. Yeah. And it's the busiest Olive Garden in the country. Number one, Olive Garden in the country. White people got mixed Samoans. I can't wait. I can't wait to get that cavatelli. Whatever the fuck they call it. Lisa, how you feeling? You ready to kill these mushrooms? It's time dog. Listen, they're going to leave. I'm going to put on black Sabbath. We're going to reminisce about the old days when you want to be a vampire. However, I have a TV deal. You do. I heard that you were awesome. Me and Dustin Ibarra. Dustin Ibarra was one of, you know, Lee and I had this conversation. Lisa, he sees them all the time. As long as Dustin

Ibarra's eyeballs are popping up and saying, he'll always have a job in Hollywood. You know what I'm saying? I look at him and I think young Frankenstein remaking 10 years. Gene Wilde is dead. I don't feel so good myself. You give him a different haircut. That's fucking, he's going to get, he's going to get the guy's bro. What's the guy? Marty Filman. Yeah, Marty Filman. He's going to get Marty Filman's role. There's no, he's going to lock it up. Lock it up. They're going to shave him a certain way. His eyes are going to move and shit. What do you think you're dealing with? That's a tremendous fucking cast for you. I congratulate you with all my heart. You've worked very hard for it. A lot of people don't know that, you know, for years that we,

these motherfuckers think he's just doing this shit like YouTube. Yeah. They don't know me and years that we, Jesus Christ, all those Tuesdays and Wednesdays and San Diego. Leonard and Visalia. Leonard and Visalia. No, he never liked me. He never liked me. I went up there and caused fucking damage one time. I went up there and tormented Leonard. And then I knew he didn't like me. So what did I do as my weekly routine? I harassed him. I put him complete. When they don't like you, they're not going to buy. Now you're using his practice. If they're not going to buy, you might as well put them on your rotation to warm up. Who am I going to call and bother today? I used to have a little list.

You got to have a little list of who you're going to call and bother. And, you know, it's a warm up. You just call them up and they're not going to buy. You already know they bought it. The piano you were going to sell them, they bought somewhere else. But you know what? You want to warm up. Isn't that kind of like burning a bridge though? Like you're bothering me. Share out of these poor people. Who gives a fuck? Next time they'll plan ahead. The ship not sailing. For what? For Joe again? You watched the first scene in Rocky. It's one of the strongest scenes of all time. He goes on the dock and he chases the guy. That's how it opens up. People don't remember. He chases a dude. He catches him.

Hits him with a two by four? Yeah. He doesn't have the money. He takes his fucking jacket. And he's supposed to break his hand, but he doesn't break his fingers. But on the way out, he goes, I'll give you, don't you want to hurt me? He's going to know you didn't break my hand. And he goes, I'll catch you next time. And he goes, but you should have planned that. That's a, he's got him. He's looking at him. And then the retarded waste along goes, you should have planned ahead. Watch Rocky in the beginning. And that's why, you know, you should have planned ahead. Now you want to come with this fucking story. I went to, speaking of records and movies and all that stuff, I went to Amoeba this weekend.

It was great. It was, it didn't tell him how you fucked up the night. Oh my God. You know, I love this kid, but he is the kiss of death when it comes to restaurants. When I was 418 pounds, I was eating quality. Fuleeper, we're not fucking killing. Tell him the truth. There's no fast food in our future. No man. Okay. I've been trying to guide this guy, but he don't give a fuck. Once his girlfriend gets him on Fridays or Saturdays, he'll eat a fucking, if there's a cat on a stick and she sells two of them, it's to him and his girlfriend. You know what I'm saying? Like that's the luck fuck those guys. He poisoned his leg scours. He poisoned his father. She got poisoned on her.

He got poisoned on the sushi place. I didn't get poisoned. He poisoned me with a little edible. Yeah. He plays on the apple. No, it wasn't the sushi. It's the wholesale sushi. And then dude, it wasn't my fault. Yes. You went in there. It was like eight pieces of 50 cents. What do you think is going to happen to you? No, it's not. You're going to die. Yeah. You went in there and happy, happy, happy hour, like nine to 10, right before right here, like in fucking some dark street. You know what I'm saying? Some street. It's all moral. Yeah. In a dark mall where nobody goes into, they have foot massages and a liquor store. They have a bank of America. Yeah. No, no, no. It's got nothing to do with the fucking sushi place. It's like happy. He went in

there like a 10 to 10. Either Lee eats it or they're going to give it to the cat or the mouse behind the thing. Lee went in there and he's trying to blame it on the same edibles that I ate. No, yeah, because you've been doing them for a long time. No, no, no. Don't blame me. You're trying to say they were bad edibles. They were. They're not bad edibles. They were just super strong. Then he tells me, what are you doing to that? Lee goes, I'm not doing me, but I go perfect. You get some posters for your room and shit. I go, Lee, you know, I go, Lee, you know what? And you're in a perfect photo. Yeah. He's got posters. You know, Lee, he's got the Godfather on his wall. He was on, he's done cooking blue apron the other day, which I love him. He's got

pictures of fucking, you know, like the movies he grew up. I was 23 when I moved out here. Yeah, he's got fucking, what is that shit? He's got orange. It's a new purple. No, I don't. Oh my God. But anyways, I said to him, fuck off. The worst case scenario, if you bail out, I mean, I know he's a little fucked up and he eats stars and he eats edibles and you go to jack in the box, but 55, 40 yards from there, you got stout. One of the best burgers you could eat in Hollywood. It's a little pricey, but you're out with your girlfriend, lift the rock, and if she doesn't want a hamburger, walk 30 yards and you go to the old Houston's, and they have some sort of barbecue that fuck all like, he likes anything. And then, or you go

10 more yards and go to pizza, him and I go to constantly and he loves it. He eats two slices. He only eats one, but on the way home, you can see him. He's mad at himself on the one on one. He should have had three. He knows. He's like, I gotta have a piece of pizza and one tonight, so I can watch. Cheers. Yeah, but you don't want me to take it home. I'll let you do what the fuck you want. You know what I mean? I said, get two, I get two slices. Yeah, but then if I get two slices and I try to take one home, I can't take it home. No, three of them and one, two, one in the car. It's the end of the fucking world. So he aggravates me. Next time. So what do you think this fucking Momo does? He's in the center of good food down there. He's going to the arc light,

he tells me. Go ahead. Go ahead. We were going to go to the arc light, but the movie time didn't work out, but we've never been to Roscoe's. Yeah. So he goes instead of going to the one down in the Pico, the hood, he went to the tourist one. Do I look like I belong in the hood? Next to the palladium, right? If you're going to fucking walk on ice, you might as well dance, Lee. You went and it's next to a tight place. I can't believe you didn't have to fucking tie place next door. Did you have to wait? No, no, no, no, we didn't have to wait, but it was terrible. There was actually a very nice, one of the servers was a listener, and it was, but the food, the food was just, it came out in like two minutes, which is,

you know, we, we looked at each other and we're like, this is not good. And even on, even on. Which order? Just the normal. Did you go on Yelp afterward and come on? Chicken and waffles? Yeah. Did you go on Yelp? No, I went on Yelp just to see what the reviews were, and the reviews are four stars. So they're gone. So there you go. See, what a fucking thing. You don't, I don't ever want you to read a fucking review again. Retards, go home and report about fucking restaurants. They go playing about everything. Yeah. If you're going to read that shit, you might as well shoot yourself. The way to have bad breath. No, the, the service was actually the best thing, to be honest, but the fucking, the food was just terrible.

I haven't done, every time I've gone, I bond to the one on Pico and I got to tell you, I never had waffles and fucking chicken in my life. It's not like I'm running down that. I can't eat a lot of maple syrup, but that fucking chicken with the waffle, little maple syrup hits the chicken. Little red hot sauce. I don't like it dreaded in the fucking maple syrup. Now you get out of control. Yeah. But just when it tastes one of the corners, you put some Frank's hot sauce on that motherfucker and you bite into that chicken, it squirts a little bit. It burns you. I get mine smothered and cut. Listen, I had vegan, I had vegan chicken and waffles. Pretty good too. Listen, I don't want to hear about that topic. Delicious. I'm having a good night tonight.

We're at Lisa. Happy hooligans. Happy hooligans. San Jose. Do not listen. Do not listen. Do not listen. Do not listen. Vegan chicken and waffles. Check it out. No vegan, nothing here. We all fucking meat eaters. All right. So please, last time you insulted people, they got it. It was hangover. He got insulted, hungover. Can't be doing that shit. I have food poisoning in the same city twice. Washington DC, Adam Chipotle. You went back again? Yeah, sure. Why are you eating that shit? Another guy. I can't believe that Mexican people would walk into a Chipotle. Or a Taco Bell, but I love Taco Bell, man. I have been shocked so do I. Nice fucking taco with the sour cream. Taco Bell, man. Sorry, man. A little burrito supreme is like a motherfucker. It's that night at

two in the morning when you wake up and your asshole opens up and you hear that. The manager right here, 400 calories per burrito. 200 calories. Oh my God, that fucking burrito. So I haven't had one in 15 fucking years. I haven't. The last time I stopped my habit tonight. Because what happens is you test the waters. One night you're a little stoned. You're driving home. You're by yourself. You're like, nobody will know. I'll put his disguise on. You know what I'm saying? There's only three people on the line. You go in there. You get like a diet Pepsi. You go, let me just fucking try what's going on. And you get yourself like a burrito supreme. On the way home, it's not bad. About three months later, you're like, fuck it. Nobody's gonna know. It's 11, 15. There ain't

nobody in there. There's four people on the line, but they always advertise something. That new thing with the baby, where the guy dips the fucking stick in there. So now you're really high. Because only if you're really high would you get that fucking stick with that chicken. Like I tell Lee, I want to see the chicken. I want to see the process. You know what they do? They get this chicken that's been tortured and beaten, cages, chicken pews, which some of the abused chicken ain't bad. Have you ever had another, have you ever had abused chicken? It ain't that bad. He's been kicked like it's better. You know, the abuse, natural chicken. Chicken's been getting chased off his team. Chickens have been getting chased for 10,000 fucking years. Now you want to give

me a chicken that never got a shot, an arrow shot at it. You know what I'm saying? The fucking had no dad. Free reigns. What the fuck is wrong with people? What are we talking about anyway? How about like my chicken from foster home? Taco Bell, like I was telling Lee, Lee likes those dumplings from Korea time. Let me tell you what a dumpling in Korea time is. Fucking Johnny Ying takes the chicken, chops his fucking head off, right? Now he's got a chicken with a stem, right? He takes it. He debones that chicken. He takes all the white meat off. He puts in the pile. Now he takes that chicken and that head with that eyeball. He takes that and out of that fucking bony mess that still has little thing, puts in this fucking machine and he pushes it down

and he doesn't give you the nice white meat. He gives you that brown fucking meat that like the kidneys and all that. And he puts it all in there with feathers and fucking spices and eyeballs and he crunches that up and then Johnny Ying takes that plate. He rubs it like this. He puts in the fucking rice paper and he calls it a dumpling. You go in there, eat it. You shit blood for two weeks and you can't figure out what's going on with your fucking life. You had a hemorrhoid? No, I've never had a hemorrhoid. Yes, he has. No, I have never had a hemorrhoid. Look at him. Look at the size of this fucking guy. I had a hemorrhoid. I had like 10 of them. Over fucking two ways you're going to get hemorrhoids because your ass isn't prepared for

that shit. There's an old Cuban saying. All right. Look at him. He don't have ass hole problems. We think he just goes to the bathroom and shits out the cowboy thing. Look at him. He goes to the bathroom. He cries himself in there. Legs are falling out. He lives in Luton. Dog, he was eating. There's a place around the corner from the YMCA. It's known for lizard meat. They got shot. No way. They got shot down. What do you think he buys tacos? It's a lizard meat. Iguanas. You know, lead just has bad luck with food. Yeah, that's why we got him a fucking 10-pillow stomach. We got him a, we got him a, where do we get you, Lee? The lap band. A fucking thing. No, no, we didn't get him a lap band. He lost 100 pounds on his own.

We got him a bidet. Yeah, I'm doing great in the bathroom. I don't know what you're talking about. Listen, Lee, clean the bowl. Nice. It just don't come out. You only eat anything that, what was the last time you had a salad? The salad. You yelled at me about the Caesar salad. Yeah, because no, because you eat salads at the wrong places. He goes to a neighborhood bar and gets a Caesar salad. You can't mess up a Caesar salad. Bro, a neighborhood plantation, right? They put fucking, they put fucking blue, they put ranch and instead of Caesar, you don't know. Don't tell me though. I know what the ranch tastes like. Where's the last time you had a salad? I just told you. A year ago? No. When the left one,

they tossed the salad. Where's the last time you had a salad? Look, enough. Yeah. I had one right? Yeah, salad counts. Lee comes out of his ass. I eat vegetables. What do you eat? Summer sausage. I eat green beans, I eat corn, I eat all the time. Thanksgiving. I eat like spinach. I had, I had, I had a... You had some edamame. I like edamame, but I had a what's it called? Collar greens with blueberry. He loves edamames. Anything fuck that'll fuck him up. He loves all that shit, but he won't just eat edamame. He wants it dipped in honey or something. You gotta eat right like Rodrigo man, eating escargot on the road. Hell yeah. A couple weeks ago, he goes, I'm making blue. I bought blue cheese. I'm making wings.

The next day he tells me he made barbecue wings. I go, so what did you do with the blue cheese? I dipped it in there. Listen, I know 2,000 people. Nobody dips barbecue fucking wings in blue cheese. Yes they do. That's a ranch. But someone rolled the line, he got a fucking, he got lied to. So I got to deal with this shit now. You know, this is Johnny food barbecue wings. If there's a bad, that's what you should do, Lee. Give a bad restaurant review. Any restaurant, you go to just give a review on it. Do a thing online. You must have put the malook on me. I never had that malook on me. I never put the fucking malook on you. Yes you did. Right at the, right at the blackjack table when you walked away. That's when you put the malook on me.

You put the malook on yourself. You take chances, eat those dumplings and you eat at these fucking creepy places. You gone to places I'm taking you to. No, I do not eat at those disgusting. If I smell curry, I don't even park the car. You know me. I smell curry. How do you park the car? I love curry. I had some people from Gower studio that wanted to meet me one day. And they had decided on something and also at the last minute they go, we're at the Thai place on Gower next to Roscoe's chicken. I had to tell them, I go, listen, I can't even walk in there because curry after 10 minutes, I gotta go. I start, I start gagging. You don't like it? No, I don't like it around me. I don't like

when it smells like none of that shit. So I get sick. All that fucking food. You feel that throwing up huh? A couple of years ago, dog in 84, I was painting bathtubs. Imagine this pull with the spray gun. Oh God. I was on the. And he thought I was dating this girl. And she couldn't dump me because I borrowed money from her father and I had to pay him back by spraying tubs. She wanted to break up with me and fuck her old boy from the fuck. No, she was tighter than fuck. She knew if I broke up with her, she had to cover the 400. So she had to keep fucking doing what I'm doing. You understand me? You know me, dog. I'm a psychological. I'm like fucking the people we eat stews. You're the man with the plan. And I used to get up on, I used to do it with him Tuesdays,

Thursdays and Saturday mornings. And guys used to pay me a lot of loot. He got out of prison. He got out of prison and went to a convention that in those days, if you want probation, you were required to go and he got a small business loan to buy into this thing called Permissor Ram. And what it was, it was your own neighborhood. So you got your own turf. So let's say you got the valley. He got the valley before nobody knew. So instead of buying a new tub, he would come over for 400 and resurface your fucking tub. He had to wear a gas mask and all I had to do was open beers for him and give him beers. That's all I did, dog. We had to stop at the liquor store. I got a cooler, put 12, 12 pack of Budweiser cans filled with ice.

And then we go to the gigs. I taped the job off. I cleaned the tub. I put that acid on it. I put the mask on and then I scrubbed the acid off and then I drive the fucking tub down. We drink a beer or two. I go outside and smoke a joint and then I come back and it'd be all taped off and they would go, go do what you do. And I would fucking, he would spray the fucking tub and then we were waiting an hour, put all the shit back in the car and then we would take the paper off while the tub was done. And that was my hook for a while. That's what I did. And one Saturday, one Friday night when I did like 22 eight balls at a wedding and I had to meet him at eight in the fucking morning and we went to the nicest people's houses. They were American. They were

those Hindus, the Patels, nicest people in the world. He got a contract to do all the tubs in that fucking place. And I remember going with him like at seven, 30 in the morning when that coke is still in your nose and you're burping that fucking long aisle iced tea and shit. I was young, dawg. I was young. I was drinking nice teas all night. Your head's pounding and I walked into this beautiful Hindu's house and as I'm spraying the fucking, as I'm cleaning the tub, I can smell the carry and I'm starting to get dizzy. I'm starting to get dizzy. I go outside to get air. I come to my senses. I stick my finger down my throat. I puke. I go back in these beautiful people's homes. They offer me water. They know I'm not feeling well. And then they came back with

this fucking Hindu mush and they go taste this. And I'm one of those dudes manager that listen, don't bother me over the curry. It was something horrible. Horrible. It's my salad. Cubans make tamale and gasuela. It's pretty fucking good. It's a tamale soup. The texture is very rich and it takes a while. It's one of those tastes to acquire. Not everybody likes tamale and gasuela. My mom used to make it with little pieces of lobster meat. And then you put the canteen on it, but you got to eat it really hot because it's not at heart and it's into a fucking tamale. You know what I'm saying? That's why. So you got to eat this tamale soup. It's got to be boiling. It's fucking hot. It's burning. So your mom pours it,

then you got to pour the hot sauce on this motherfucker. There's little pieces of lobster. It's alive. And then you got to take an ice cube and put it in the middle. And then you really dope that motherfucker. Oh my God. It had the same texture. I only tasted it because it had the texture of tamale and gasuela. It was white. It wasn't that orange texture that tamale has. It was a white and I tasted it and it had that curry in it. And I spit it right out in front of these poor people. You know what I mean? I got no class. I couldn't get enough. I couldn't even get the napkin. It came out with the vodka and the tonics and the blow and the cut, the aluminum foil and the fucking... God damn, he's fucking through a poison. I puked in front of these poor fucking Indian

people. And I knew ever since then, 1984, I knew don't invite me to a curry joint. All right. So 1984, I don't hang out with curry people. You understand me, Lee? I don't know what they eat. I don't know who. I don't know who eats curry anymore. I do. I don't. Please don't cook in a curry. Because you're gonna upset me. I'm having a good time. I'm always happy to see you. I don't want to open up the vegan door. Please don't upset me. Please. If not, you're gonna start talking about your wife made flan. I can't have that. I love more lentils. I can't have that. I can't have that. I almost reported to your... No, I'm not a rat. I almost reported to you to the Cuban Embassy last time.

You put those fake tofu bananas up there. It hurt me. It hurt me deep in my fucking soul, manager. You know what I'm saying? I almost reported you to the Cuban Embassy. That's right, man. They would have thrown you in jail. They would have pulled you to Cuba. They would have taken you back to Cuba. I'm not there to help you. I told you, don't fuck with Cuban food. Leave it alone. If you're not gonna eat the beef, leave it alone. Please don't insult me. What's up? It's always a pleasure seeing you.

Oh, hell yeah. Likewise. Lee, you're gonna eat that mushroom. Are you gonna fucking sit there? Tom, what are you gonna do, Lee? What the fuck is going on there, fucking Lee? Every weekly. Do you want to eat this mushroom or what, Lee? More? Yeah, sure. We got left. Two caps or one cap?

We don't mean that. We're going deep into... I'll take a little cap. That other one didn't, like, just made the fucking... I got this... Maybe that should more vivid, the colors and the lighting. This one, dog. That's the dog. 80% of the reason I do this podcast, I really enjoyed doing it. I have a great time doing it, but I got to be honest with you guys. It's my two days of hanging out with this poor bastard,

because I got all the respect in the world for Lee Syat. Lee Syat came from a complete different world where I came from, and he's gone through hell. He caught the vapors. I've never beat them up. I've never kicked them in the stomach with this respect to them, but I've given them a shit that can kill a meal. Don't blame me for that fucking sushi cocksucker. It wasn't the sushi.

You've got food poisoning. No, I did not. You know I give credit when credit is due. My edibles are always solid. Nobody's ever gotten sick of me. You gotta wash your hands when you eat sushi. You know, I always never say that the edibles are bad. I've done it a couple times when you get over high. What do you have, a sensitive stomach?

Nobody. No, I have a sense of 500 milligrams for the first time. If none of you eat that one, I got another one for me. I'm going to eat a professional cat with Lee where is it? More reefer here. We got everything. We got everything here. I don't know about you, Lee.

You got to go and then eat that fucking shroom, and then things are going to be fucking better. You know what I'm saying? Enough. Enough. Lee, we're going deep to it. Look at this thing. Oh shit.

Deep. Deep into the Merckish waters. Give that to Lee right there. That's his little party right there. Oh yeah. God damn. Oh yeah, Lee. Wow.

That's you, Lee. That's scary. That's the last of it, Lee. I won't even ask you to do years. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's Sunday night. You got a complete fuck. You want a bigger piece?

No, I need a small piece. No, just a Felipe. That's it. That's still, I just ate the last big piece. That's it. The last dollar. That's it. You eat that.

There's no more mushrooms till New Year's. And we can do this acid. I got acid here too. But we'll save that for vegan acid. No, it's not vegan acid. The paper has beef juice on it and shit. Lee, we're going deep into the Merckish waters. It's over.

You're breaking your own record. What's the problem here? You're breathing heavy. You're making noises. I'm high sorry. It's the fucking low. What are your eyes? Look at this thing.

That's what it's all about. That's it. The Merckish waters. You always tell me you want to see the devil. I never say that. No, no. You don't want to see me, Doug. You don't want to fucking see me right now, Doug.

I got to get a little Jeff on this show. You haven't had him on here, huh? No, because he, you know, it's tight. He lives like fucking Ontario, don't he? He lives deep in the fucking baseline, Doug. Yeah. Lee, what are you doing? Don't make money.

You're breaking in half. You're doping. You think you're magicianing me. I'm trying to break it. Lee, who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? Eat the fucking thing, Lee. You're insulting. Chew it, man.

You're insulting me. You know, you're insulting me. You're insulting this whole mushroom society. You're trying to fake the funk and breaking it in half. You're insulting sushi. Like, this is UNICEF. Like, you're breaking over the piece. Like, there's eight kids waiting for a piece of mushroom.

Inhale that fucking thing. Be a Marine, Cossucka. You represent the Hebrews. Do it for Johnny, man. Fuck Johnny. Do it for the fucking Israel army. That's what you represent. The Yakuza from Israel, Japan.

What are you thinking about? What are you huffing and puffing? There's a fucking helmet on it, dude. So what? That's what you need in your life. You need a helmet. You had three, like, General Moshe. That's what's wrong with four pieces.

Seven days war. You're in training. This is what you get for fucking around all weekend. What do you mean, fuck? I had stars. I went to Brussels, chicken and waffles. Brussels. I'm over here eating fucking mushrooms by myself.

You're the Captain Kirkland Center. You're the co-captain of this enterprise. You can't let me go into this journey. Who am I going to call it to in the morning and harass them? Don't be doing the Puerto Rican switch. Check his fingers, you shit. You even chew it up.

You need some orange juice. It's not going to happen. You don't even know. I got some grape flavor. Hey, let me give you some left water. This got bubbles in it. It's so good. I forgot how to chew.

Oh, no. He plays with it. He fucking sits there. They're coming shit. I don't know what you're talking about. They're not in shit. Yes, they are. My buddy cleaned them.

No, they didn't. Festos. Relax. Here. Give him an apple drink. They'll go down nice with the apple drink. He goes, sit there. I'm not going.

It's time for daddy to say, oh my gosh. Please, you got to finish it. That's bad luck and shit. No, it's not. Yes, it is. You're going to put a curse on you from the fucking Indians. I can't. Eat a little piece, Lee.

I'm going to puke. That's okay. You puke before a big fucking deal. You can do it. It's Sunday night, cocksuckers. It's good to see you, Felipe. Always a pleasure. Good to see you, man.

Always a pleasure to see Rodrigo. We go back way back when we took the fucking acting class from the gay dude and shit. After you took a theater. In your backyard. And Siskel brought his son. He's the death of their two, huh? The kids are dead.

Rick Ramos. We're all smoking. I left Rick Ramos a message today. I haven't spoken to Rick Ramos in two years, probably. It's been a while. Last time I seen him was a laugh at. Give me some Rick Ramos, bro. It's all flustered.

What's going on, Lee? Eat that mushroom, cocksuckers. You got to eat half of it, at least. I ate the fucking four things. I'm over here giggling by myself. Look at my eyeballs. No, you're not. You're over there having terror night.

Put the mushroom in your night. Drink the apple water. Over here looking like Pablo Escobar. You know what I mean, dawg? We'll stay on the air till you eat that mushroom. So the quicker you would just throw it into your throat and down it with the apple drink. We'll all be giggling.

We'll put some pink Floyd on. Everybody goes home. Well, he eats that. Can I mention my show this week? Sure. Talk about your show. I'm talking about it for the rest of the three years. I'll be at the Edison improv this week,

Thursday through Sunday, this week in Andales. Also, watch me on the Superstore on Thursday at 8 p.m. on NBC. Check out my What's So Full podcast with Rodrigo Torres and my wife and I have a podcast, Inch and Other Castle Role. We talk about birth. We talk about being raised by parents who hate us. And we talk about my wife.

We've been trying to have a baby all year and we had a second miscarriage. We lost another baby. But we're still trying, right? She might take acupuncture. Yeah, I might need your ear. Yes, we might need your acupuncture person. It's Marina Del Rey.

Yeah. What's going on, Lee? What's that mushroom and shit? You over there pondering your decision? Like, it's like signing the Marines. Just eat the fucking thing down. I am, okay. I'm overeating pieces by myself with no water.

It's like, God, inhale that fucking monster. We're going deep into the murky water. Deep. It's November 6th. It's election week. Now, here we go. Drink the thing. Drink the thing now.

Don't let them drink. Drink, drink. Don't let them, there you go. There you go. Chug, chug, chug, chug. This poor bastard, I love him to death. Ladies and gentlemen, a fucking soldier. That's a boss.

He's a soldier. He's an American soldier. He came around at the right time. There's no blow. Oh, for sure. There's no, where's the rest of it? Let me see you eat it. I don't know.

I don't want no stories and shit. Popped out of your eyeball. That's the rest of the night right there. We'll put on fucking Black Sabbath, volume four. I'll make your head grow. You understand me? You don't know where it hit you. Next thing you know, there's spiders on your scalp.

You got a lot of shit going on, man. And you deserve a lot of shit. That's why I was telling you to chase that anarchy pilot. It just got released. Somebody said that they're releasing two spin-offs. I guess Brad Pitt's doing the father. Yeah, he's playing now. They're doing pre.

Yeah. And then they're doing the Mayans. You're a Mayan. I'm waiting. But if you wait, I'm going to push them away. You've been renting a motorcycle? Not yet. You got to rent a motorcycle.

I'm not going to pull you on the truck. You're like an asshole. You got to get into it. You know what I'm saying? Rent the guy. Tell you to take it to a park where there's no cars. And just make believe like it's you. And learn how to do that.

And like that. You know, when they got the part in the room, and they go, when you read and knock them dead, they'll go, can you ride a motorcycle? And you go, what are you fucking kidding me? How are you like that? How many people can evils cousin? And that's it.

But you're prepared. Because they're going to ask you another day, really like you to hide you. But to make out a shoot, you're getting pulled on the truck. And you like make believe that you should have trees. Like chips. Yeah, you're all relaxed. If I'm doing 60, I'm on this motherfucker.

I'm not singing fucking songs. But that's what it looks like. So it kind of looks shitty. So I told you, Felipe, get prepared. Get prepared to fall off the bike. Be a little stump, man, too. We'll get you a couple of yards extra. Put some knee padding on you.

You're Mexicans. You guys don't get workman's comp. It's over. I'm ready to fall. You don't need it. You don't give a fuck. You'll take a fall. You'll be there the next morning.

Bam! Like Rodrigo. Rodrigo, I tell that story on stage. You fell off the roof. The ladder. Oh, my God. Rodrigo, that was one of the funniest conversations I've ever had on a phone call in my life.

Though I've been part of some funny conversations on the fall. Because you called me like nothing happened. And then you broke it down for me. You fell off the ladder. And I'm like, is this a dream? Nothing really happened to I went to this fool's house. This was a big ass bubble in the back of his. I took a bottle and stuff.

But it was like, he had like six months of bad luck. Like he lost an ear. A battery fell in his finger. A battery fell on your finger. And then you fell off the fucking roof. When you're telling me a story. I said a prayer for you. And he got out off the phone.

But I'm like, what's going on with fucking Rodrigo? Like who falls off a roof and is walking around? Yeah, man. And then that shit didn't blow up, blow up. So I went to this fool's house and I took a bong rip and I coughed. I guess the blood vessels, because you know, it was like I got kicked in the back by a fucking horse. But then I took that hit and that shit fucking just started expanding like a lot.

Yeah, it was just all the blood just fucking rushing, dude. And then I had to get that shit leaked out. And I was, it was just a contusion. You know, man, at the end of the day, we know each other a long time, guys. Long fucking comedy fucking. Yeah, man. Fuck, it went by fast.

We've been different, you know what I'm saying? Fuck. Can I plug my shows for flappers? Is that cool? Fuck no. What do you think this is? A plug factory shit? What is your show of flappers, little brother?

It's November 21st. We're going to start it out on a Monday at the You Who Room in Burbank, 8 p.m. And then a 29th in December. That's my show of flappers and a Claremont. Yeah, I'm going to try to do a monthly show there. So we're going to start out small. You know, man, the You Who Room is a nice room to set the fucking,

the You Who Room is a very nice room. I'm doing Valentine's Day there at 9 o'clock. Awesome. Anti-show. She called me up, Barbara. And I said, yeah, and you know, who gives a fuck? It's when I did those No Expectations tour, that little You Who Room is gold.

You know, all you need is 30 people to get the party started. Oh, hell yeah. I'm not big. Well, you know, I don't want to fucking sell 200 tickets on a Tuesday night. That's too much stress. Dirty tickets. We all go back there. Everybody eats a fucking appetizer.

But a pink, but a boom. You go home. You got nice underground parking. You're next to Barney's greenery. You give mom a cocktail and take home and give her a stabbing. And nobody gets that fucking feeling, sir. You know what I mean? It's a nice, easy place.

All these little clubs around this. We don't have the leisure that we used to have. We don't have those. Doug, I cut my teeth on those fucking. Oh, hell yeah, man. From the brave bull to your wild coyotes, to your wild coyote, to the Tuesday and Wednesday. The hopper.

The first time I went to the hop, somebody gave me blow. I thought I was a fucking movie star. Like I drove straight home. I didn't stop to get nothing. They eat nothing. The first time I went to the hop, because I met these guys on the Wednesday night show. That's the wild coyote.

Something. It was something. And then you said, what are you doing tomorrow night? Meeters at this place. Place was fucking packed. I went up there and talked about blow, and they went fucking crazy. And as I was walking out, there was like a tent in the back.

And one of the guys pulled me and put some in my hand. It was a big old rock. I got in that car with 40 in my pocket, a rock of coke, and a pack of smokes. What? You ain't stopping. What? I'm driving the right hand lane.

I'm doing the speed limit. You know what I'm saying? I'm in no rush. I don't have to do nothing outside of the ordinary. I just got to get the fuck home. And man, but those rooms. That place, Casa Latina. I remember when those rooms dried up.

Right as I stopped doing coke. And those rooms are what fed my addiction without nobody really knowing. Because any check I would get, I would give to my wife. But those $60, $70. Remember, when you go out three times a week, even if you're fighting for your life, when you go out three times a week

and you come home with $70 a night, that's $210, bro. That's $840 on the street. That's if you don't do an extra on the show. Or there's some Paul Rodriguez, don't call you to open for him for a small nickel. You know what I'm saying? That means in LA, I was hustling, making fucking 800 a month in 20s. Going home, putting the best money, stopping at the taco place off the five.

The point that Mexicans don't like, but I fucking love. And doing the VFW for Gilbert. The VFW for Gilbert. You know, good ass tacos across the street. Oh my god, the food truck and the fucking tacos league. You're having a blue-leg movie. And it's called Delaware. Delaware, right?

That's where he lives, Delaware. We used to go down there for $40 for the VFW. Yeah, PCA. But the tacos were 50 fucking cents. Wilmington. Wilmington. Wilmington, not Delaware, Wilmington. Big wheel must shout out.

And then we used to go to one other place where it was scary. The stage used to shake. Unlike Wednesday nights in West Covina, it was out there, dog. And me, you, eight of us would go on stage for 40 bucks. And then we had to play some Pasadena for a while. Yeah, Q's. Q's. Wow.

The fucking years have gone, brother. We're still in the game. Your brother tapped out. Then two fucking. And then Tuesday nights at that place in Hollywood. They didn't pay though, but it was a good place to hang out. Which one? Oh man, what's it called now?

It was a Dublin's. Dublin's. I only went to Dublin's two times. Me too, man. I didn't like Dublin's. That wasn't for me. It didn't pay. Well, it wasn't that they didn't pay.

It wasn't our scene. It wasn't our scene. See, in those days, I used to get 12, 15, 12, 30 spots at the Emperor of the Comedy Store. Four nights a week. So I had something at 12.30. So what am I going to do? Sit in my house at nine o'clock at night?

Fucking Felipe, what's going on? Come on down here, bro. We got something down here. 30 bucks. What the fuck? 30 bucks is 30 bucks. You get there on E. You know what I'm saying?

You got there on E. And you knew we were going to score the one place. As soon as I walked in, my fucking burrito was waiting under the green pork burrito. I'm never going to lie to nobody how Felipe took care of me in that room. All I had to do was walk in, and sometimes it was a to-go container.

Or something that Mexican waiter, though, the manager would give it to you. Joey, when am I up, dog? Three, like, Joey, govota, govotas. How would you go down there with the hunger of 10 men, dog? Are you fucking kidding me? Maybe fucking Peter Chen? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, man. You know, you have no idea what those rooms do for you, you know, until you sit back. Why are you doing them? You're like, ah, 30 bucks. Who gives a fuck? Fuck you. You're feeding them.

Let me tell you something. Say what you want to say about that early G, dog. He was giving me 40 bucks every Monday night. That dude kept me in cocaine for years. Up there in the roll. What was the name of the? The Rumba Room. The Rumba Room.

Monday nights. Monday nights, man. Come on. You say what the fuck you want to say. I love to kick him in the stomach, too. But at the end, bro, at the end, I got to put my hand down and go, dog, for about a year and a half. You don't know what you did.

The $40 I took on the longest yard were the $40 he gave me. I had $40, three cigarettes, and a joint. It was, I went up there to do Monday. I was leaving Tuesday at 10. When that limo came to get me, and I had $40, you know what I felt like? Because I got to tip this fucking guy. I had to give him a 20.

But I got $20. I got on the plane with, like, fucking, you know, movie stars. And I got a 20, two camo lights, which I was holding on to dear fucking life. You understand me? I wouldn't smoke those things unless there was an earthquake. I was, like, one of those Katrina motherfuckers. I had that thing in a baggie and everything.

And I had one joint. And I was like, I'm going to hold on to this fucking thing. And you know what, I get to Albuquerque right away. I go to my hotel on the way of this check-in girls. There's a bunch of girls. And, like, if you're in the movie, you have to check in here. And I walk over to the girl, and I check in. And she gives me an envelope.

And I go, what's in the envelope? I went like this. She goes, no, take it up to your room and read it when you're upstairs. And then bring the contracts back downstairs. I go upstairs to my hotel room. I put my luggage away. I set up the sleep apnea machine.

I thought it was a movie contract with that motherfucker. I emptied a fucking thing out. And there's, like, a contract. Then there's a contract for a rental car. I had a license, but I didn't have a license. You ever been in this situation? Like, I had a Colorado license. I was living in California for eight years.

I lost my Colorado license on a plane. Like, you know, after 9-11, all the fucking shit. So I lost my fucking license. So I didn't have a license. So, you know, how am I going to get this fucking car? They didn't even ask me. They didn't even fucking ask me. Then there was another envelope.

And I lifted that envelope. And there was $800 bills. Per diem? Per diem. I walked to that balcony. I opened that motherfucker up. And I lit that fucking joint like I owned that hotel. You understand?

Like, I smoked half of it. You know me. I smoked half of that motherfucker. I put it out. I put a cup over it. So the wind would blow it off the balcony. Because that's the last joint Uncle Joey had. And I got a knock at the door from one of the bellmen.

And he goes, excuse me. I have another contract for you. And he gave it to me. He goes, by the way, I have blueberry something and something else. And I go, what did you just say? And he goes, I could smell it in your room. And if you need any, I got blueberry something and something else. I go, where can I find you in 10 minutes?

He goes right downstairs at the desk. I went right down there with a yardstick. And he gave me a big old bag of this fucking. I was in heaven. You know the first year I got to the longest yard? I didn't work. I didn't work. I went to Albuquerque.

So if you jump in jacks, they had me walk around. And they go, just go to the hotel. We'll call you when you need you. I would wake up. I would eat with the team and then go back to my hotel room, smoke pot, watch TV, wait for them to call. They wouldn't call by five. I just could do it all over to the set

and see what they were doing. They'd all give me hugs. They go, you came at the right time. There's dinner. I would eat and then walk back to my fucking hotel. That's what I did for the first week in there. How crazy. And they pay you.

Hell yeah. How fucking crazy is that? Fucking crazy as fuck with this badass. I'm real happy for you, Felipe. You got shows and you got that chick. Right. She's hot. She's always hot.

The chick that played the ugly Betty. Yeah. That's her name. America Ferreroa, yeah. She's very nice to you. Very nice on the set. Yeah. Everybody would know.

Even that guy from the kids in the hall. When you're on the set, can you believe that you were homeless at one time? I can't believe it, man. Can you imagine if you raised your hand and said, guys, before we even do this, you know, I saw, I smoked crack at one time. Before you start, man, I can say,

let everybody know that I ordered almond hammer, baking soda, and a big spoon for room service. One of the funniest stories of all time. One of the funniest fucking things I ever heard in my life. One of the funniest calls I ever got in the Monday morning. Ever. What?

Ever. That just threw me off when Pete caught me. That was one of the fun. Like, I was just blown away. That's when I knew the power of Felipe. That's when I knew the power of drugs and Felipe. I knew there was Indian blood. All my suspicions were confirmed.

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? He lit the curtain on fire. I don't fucking know. I'm like, what are you talking about? And Pete was a sweetheart. Pete wasn't even mad. He got it.

And then you went in there and fucking killed the room on a Monday night, opened mic on a three-day binge. You couldn't even see. They just still talking about that fucking set. So it's all around. I don't even know what I said, man. You lit the room on fire two times. I put my name on the list and then I did,

I went up, I did 20, got off. Then I put my name again. You know, Felipe had teamed up that weekend. I forget his name is and I wouldn't want to say it. Felipe teamed up that weekend with a kid that was a very interesting kid. As a matter of fact, I loved him at one point in my life. He was an innocent redneck who dog when you got cocaine,

that motherfucker went off. Felipe, did he go off? He went off. White dude, I love crazy white people. That's why I don't like Starbucks. That's why I don't like none of that shit. If you're going to be white, you better be fucking crazy. I want you to be crazy manager.

Don't come through. Because if not, it makes you like everybody else. Who gives a fuck? I like crazy fucking white people. I like rednecks. Okay? Yeah. I like Elvis.

I like anything fucking redneck. Hang with them. Because they're rednecks. They have like, like I was telling somebody, I was trying to explain to you the other day, rednecks really run shit. Get a copy of the CMA awards, whatever they did last weekend. First of all, they took Beyonce off with the white chicks,

the Dixie chicks singing. I'm not mad about that. That's got nothing to do with me. I didn't even give a fuck about that. What happened? That chick went up there. What's her name? Not the one that's married to McGraw.

Not Faith Hill. That bitch is on her own planet. But the other blonde went up there. And she had a dress on, a national TV that was a quarter inch above that monkey. And it looked good on in the dress. She looked beautiful. They were saying kind of stuff that was a little

passe for eight o'clock. Like if you drink that, you're gonna pee pee. And if you smoke that, you're gonna get the munchies. Like it was a little like somebody else wouldn't get away with it. I enjoy country music. I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? My wife taped it for one of the performances.

And I go, why are you taping for that? Let me watch it. And I watched it for a little while. I thought it was fucking amazing. Like, you know, the quarterback was there. They tortured him. And it was a great scene. Yes, it was rehearsed, but it was still fucking great.

You know what I'm saying? Like at least they talk to a quarterback, country music. They don't. So I like crazy white people. That's what my fucking point is, Joey. What the fucking point? Why are you talking about TV shows? Because I love crazy white people.

You gotta be white. You gotta be crazy. This guy would get crazy. Crazy. It's too crazy white people in Texas. There's that. And they never take their boots off, do you think? No.

What's her name? Ashley Monroe. Who is that? Country singer? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's the other hot one. The other one that sings off the fucking charts. But so this kid, whatever his name was,

one time I had to drive from Houston to fuck. It was 10 hours. And I remember him telling me, dog, listen, I'll cover the gas, but you gotta cover the A-ball. I'm like, A-ball. He's like, fuck, yeah. And when we get there, they got two A-balls waiting for us.

He had another white dude. That was, what do you get? When you have a warrant put out for you because you're married twice? Peligamist. Peligamist. Peligamist? He had the club at this place.

He was a magician, horrible. But he was coked up from A to Z. He made Joe Diaz look like a fucking, like I didn't have a problem with that. Hell yeah, I know that guy too. Oh, that's crazy. I love, the first crazy white dude I ever met. They were looking for that for after the show.

In Colorado, I woke up one morning and I heard this Southern accent. I go to the fuckers in my living room. I went out there, his dude's name was Carl. He was making me laugh by asshole. He was arguing with people in North Carolina basketball. You ain't got nothing to say except that. He was like, and where are you from?

California? Yeah, right, UCLA. Fuck that, where you been the last 10? He was just dropping knowledge and I became friends with him all those years. I think I was telling Leah's story one night when we went to a video store and there was a guy with a windbreaker on and he walked in.

He's like, what's happening, man? It was a crazy night last night. We got fucked up. And all of a sudden he's like, man, I did so much coke last night. There's a guy with his back towards us and he could hear the conversation. I go, Carl, what the fuck?

He goes, man, fuck him. He goes, I got fucked up last night and all of a sudden right in front of me he starts picking his nose, right? And he takes out this boulder of a snot with this head attached to it. And he looks at it and he goes, what am I, like in his mind?

I can see him thinking like, what am I going to do with this thing? And in his mind, I could see it. And also he looked back at the deal with the windbreaker and he just flicked it at him. And when it hit the windbreaker, it went like, yeah. That little thump. And I'm like, this guy, this guy is originally crazy.

Like, I like those guys. This is how this dude in Houston was. If you wanted to go, if you wanted to snorkele, this guy would snorkele. He took me to two places. He took me away for two weekends. The one weekend was Corpus Christi where they tried to pay us with Coke.

Weren't you with us? Marilyn, when they came to the room and I told Marilyn to give me a stash. The guy gave us both like an eight ball. And I told Marilyn, just give me your stash. I'll give you the 200. Marilyn took 100 for the eight ball. It was fucking yellow.

I didn't come home that Sunday. I didn't come home till Tuesday. Maybe Wednesday. And that's it, guys. Yeah, man. I'm happy to fucking see you, Felipe. Happy to see you too, man. So what's left for the year?

Where are you, New Year's? New Year's, you've no show, but January 21st. I'm at the Novo in downtown LA. Formerly the Club Nokia. Club Nokia. Look at me, look at me, look at this fucking beauty. The Novo. What's up, Lisa?

We're in Indiana with Paul Rodriguez, Lisa. Okay. November 19th. So you're staying at the Horseshoe Casino. You're staying home the whole month of December? Yes, the last three weeks. Just relaxing? Relaxing.

Listen, you don't want to be one of those assholes at the airport. Ain't nothing worth that aggravation. No, man. Every year you sit there and you go, look at these assholes at the airport. I love these agents that call you. I got a tremendous gig for you in the 26th. Yeah, where is it?

Fucking Alaska? That's where I want to fucking go. You know what I'm saying? Got this gig in the 27th for Detroit, if you want it. Huh? Don't tell you, I have a gig December 27th. It's a Wednesday. Detroit, hell no.

Huh? No, they'll ask you, I have a gig for you December 27th. You know what? I stay down for a gig and I gotta cancel. It's my wife's birthday. And I'll tell you what, if I don't cancel, my wife ain't gonna say nothing to me. But you know what?

I got 360 other fucking days to work. Even if we just walk hand to hand and go to the movies and come home at eight o'clock, we get babysitters till 10, we never make it. That's how old you are. When you get a babysitter, you go to dinner and you look at each other and go, fuck this, we're going home.

Yeah. We always have to pay the babysitter like out of embarrassment. You know what I'm saying? Like, what are we gonna do? But even if I just do that with my wife, I can't just get up and go. So I gotta call the fucking agent tomorrow.

I didn't realize when I booked the fucking gig this is my wife's birthday. But what are you gonna fucking do? Yeah, we have a rabbit sitter. We have a pet rabbit and we'll go out and tell him sometime we leave at a rabbit sitter and he hangs out with all the rabbits. Hey, you know me.

Just shut up some slippers. Just make sure Lee don't get his hand on that rabbit. Lee bumps into animals like that. He'll go down to Koreatown. You know what I'm saying? Lee's like landing from of mice and men. Lee's my brother, though. He just, he makes bad choices.

Look at him. Look at him. He'll go home and eat hummus on top of that. He still goes to Subway. My spies tell me Festos still goes over to Subway. It's a 24-hour subway. It's dead. They see him creeping on low okay.

You know, two in the morning with slippers and a robe on. With a fucking Santa hat. You know, Lee thinks he's slick. You don't think I know. He's been seen on McDonald's drive-through one night speaking Spanish. Lee's solid as the rocket you're brought in. Nobody else would still stay here this long.

He gets fucking bezizzled two nights a week. Two weeks ago he did acid. Took him three days to recover. You understand me? He's a tank of debt this kid. They don't even make him like this no more. They don't make him like this no more.

The last of the Mohicans. That's it. He's not even a millennial no more. He's just a regular fucking savage now. He used to be a millennial when he met me. He was doing all stupid shit. Going to or hanging out with six people at a bar like friends. This ain't no episode of friends.

Now he's alright. He's got a girlfriend. He's got a bidet. He smokes reefer. He eats edibles. He's up to what 1200 milligrams. This all started with a 10 milligram fucking cookie. Look where you are now.

1200 milligrams. You're one of the best producers in the business. You're a great friend. You're a fucking animal. Look at you. You're going to eat another mushroom. Caps were going to throw away the bag in the evidence. No.

Oh my god. I'm so fucked up. No you're not. What do you mean no no? You're as tough as nails. You don't even know how fucked up you are. You got smoke in the bonded. Yeah.

That'll calm you down and shit. They opened that for me. My fingers are all fucked up. All right. I'd like to thank Onnet. Onnet's always been there for us since day one. One of the best products out in the market. You know us.

We can't do nothing for you on the weight side or the weighted vest. As far as supplements are concerned. Onnets the best area is from the alpha brain to the shroom tech to the to the to the to the what's the fucking protein shake I like. The hemp force. Hemp force. Chocolate or cocoa as they have it. Delicious.

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If you get the alpha brain. 100% money back guarantee. Like I said. Lee's got a beautiful watch. When MVMT contacted me. I looked at the I looked at the website. And I liked the prices and whatnot. But you know what I got a gorilla wrist.

My wife bought me a bracelet last year. And I told her don't buy me the fucking bracelet. But she bought it for me. And I told her when she got it from me. Put it on my wrist. It don't fit. That's why I told you not to get the fucking bracelet. Because now I can't get the bracelet fixed.

Unless I go back to that same jewelry store in New Jersey. You know how it is to get to that jewelry store. It's easier to get the fucking Marlon brand on apocalypse now. To get to that fucking jewelry store. I was at the light for fucking four lights one time though. In the middle. Like it hadn't even turned on the Bergen Line Avenue. So forget it.

So I'm stuck with this fucking thing. I got no problem. He even told me mail it to me. And I'll take care of it. But anyway. I gave the watch to Lee. What do you think so far of your MVMT watch? I love it.

It's slick. I really am. I've always liked black on black. I had that's the one I have. I think it looks great. It's very light. It's that I gotta finish right. Right to me took two seconds.

It was like 10 bucks. They gave you four extra links. It was great. Mine feels great. I love it. And it tells great. Yeah. I said the club.

You know. For people don't know MVMT. The company was started by two college kids that wanted to wear stylish watches but couldn't afford them. So they started their own watch company. I mean they started it from scratch. Social media. The same way we did with the podcast.

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Again. This watch has a great design only. Look at it. It's got the red hands. It just looks sharp. If you wear blue, black or let's say you're fucking Scandinavian. You got the sudden nerds to wear a red suit.

We got the watch for you over at MVMTwatches.com slash church. Listen. Join the movement. We're going to give you free shipping. And if the watch isn't what you think we'll give you free returns by going MVMTwatches.com slash church. It's that easy. Again, MVMTwatches.com slash church.

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No questions asked. All right. 100% refund, no questions asked. This is the mattress, the G-Cube, magazine, the Forbes. They're all talking about Helix Sleep. So do me a favor. Go to helixsleep.com right now slash Joey and get $50 off your order.

Again, that's helixsleep.com slash Joey. One more time for the cheap seats. helixsleep.com slash Joey. Who fucking think you're messing with Joey Bananas? Hold on. I got an itchy ear. What are you looking at? You looking at me like I owe you $32.

Relax, Lee. These are jokes, Lee. These are fucking jokes. Lee, what do you like about Blue Apron? You know what I love about it? It's teaching me to be better with my time because you really have to be really quick. You have to have everything ready.

And you have to have it. It's great. I love it. I cooked. The one I loved last week and I cooked on Periscope is the crispy chicken. I made mashed potatoes and spicy collard greens. I've never made mashed potatoes before.

How good were the collard greens? Fresh. Oh my god, they were amazing. The vegetables were fresh, correct? Everything's fresh. Yeah, I had to clean them, clean them. And then we cooked them with oil and garlic. It was amazing.

Oh my god. Everybody who eats Blue Apron, I get emails and people love it. And here's the beauty of it. For less than $10 a meal, Blue Apron delivers seasonal recipes along with proportioned ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals. Blue Aprons knows that when you cook with incredible ingredients, the result is tremendous, all right?

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This is the way to do it right here, all right? Check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free. With free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash joey. Again, you'll love how good it feels. You'll love how good it tastes. And you're going to create incredible home-cooked meals

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Hey, your career is hectic. You're on the move. Blue Apron is a better way to cook. Again, blueapron.com slash joey. I'd like to thank Blue Apron. I'd like to thank Helix Sleep and MVMT Watchers for sponsoring the podcast tonight. I'd like to thank Felipe Esparza.

Thank you, Joey. Fucking Rodrigo Torres, AKA Silent Bob for stopping by. What's up, fool? Lisa, how you doing? You all right, my brother? I'm doing good. All right.

I'll see you motherfuckers. Saturday night at the Fox Woods Casino. I got nothing for you Friday night, but Saturday I got nothing but love for you. Lee's going to be there. We're going to do the show. And I'm going to watch McGregor and fucking whatever fight. And that's that the way it's going to be the 18th of November.

I mean, what's the name of the festival? Come and take it. Come and take a festival in Houston. Performing November 18th. You got to get a single day pass for 35 bucks. You catch a couple of great shows, but I don't know what time I go up at 10 o'clock. So that means I think you watch Todd Barry and eight.

It's a great little festival. I'll either see you motherfuckers at Fox Woods. I'll either see you motherfuckers at the Wilbur. The Wilbur Dina or I'll see you motherfuckers at the Come and Take it Comedy Festival in Houston. I'll talk to you guys Tuesday. Stay black. Uncle Joey loves you. What's up, fool?

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and check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free with free shipping and blueapron.com slash Joey. 21, a long one, you can see the numbers run. Now you look so peaceful, I am there asleep. Well, the wings are gotta fuck you before the spirits meet. Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom. Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom.

Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom. Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom. Rock bottom. Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom. Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom. Rock bottom. Shadow Earth is closing in above us... Lights in your street.

Lucent Ferd goes walking... Down for you to meet. Minutes pass so slowly, father. Hands on your clock Heaven don't just know where and you can't knock Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Will the darkness close today? Will the light reveal your soul? Just what's weak inside your clay cold land? I'd love to sleep you'll never know

Where do we go? Where do we go? Where do we go from here? Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Someone to you, no nature's queen, you know what I mean

It's why you're on the low one, you can't see the numbers run Now you look so peaceful, I am there asleep But the wings are God above you, before the spirits meet Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom