Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #429 - Nick Turturro

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Starting point is 00:00:37 I love their sweatpants and their shorts. Go to meundies.com slash Joey to get 20% off of your first order. Go to meundies.com slash Joey to get 20% off of your first order of all their men's underwear, t-shirts, and much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much,

Starting point is 00:01:44 much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much,

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Starting point is 00:02:36 much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much,

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Starting point is 00:03:30 much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much,

Starting point is 00:03:38 much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much,

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Starting point is 00:04:18 much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much,

Starting point is 00:04:26 much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much,

Starting point is 00:07:18 much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much,

Starting point is 00:28:38 much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, Harry, what's that? The chocolate drink with the white milk and the vodka and the

Starting point is 00:28:47 Kahlua? Oh, a white Russian? You do a white Russian on one of those valiums? Night, night time. Ain't nobody waking up. You wake up at one, six hours before the fight takes off,

Starting point is 00:28:56 if you're sitting in the main cabin, so like you call a virgin, they bump you right up to first class. Oh, wow. They give you a hard time for a second. Who are you?

Starting point is 00:29:05 Who are you? Who sent you? Who the fuck are you? Hold on one second. All of a sudden, some Australian guy comes on and he's like, listen, we got you covered this time.

Starting point is 00:29:15 Don't pull this shit ever again. And you got on first class with virgin. You live like a doctor. There's only eight people. Right. In first class. You feed her up.

Starting point is 00:29:24 Yeah. You got those disco lights. You know who I saw destroy first class on virgin? Ralphie May. As soon as he calls virgin, they just hang up on him, though. He fucked him up.

Starting point is 00:29:34 He fucked him up. What'd he do? He, from beginning to end, he was living like fucking king for everyone, motherfucker. With his feet up getting coaxed, he must have drank nine coax on the way to New York City.

Starting point is 00:29:46 I was sitting there howling. I'm sitting there. Ralphie May will fuck up on that line. Cookies, towels, blankets. He needs two blankets. He has a time together. It's nice to fly right, bud.

Starting point is 00:30:00 You know when you fly like a human being? No. You know the fucking price it is to fly right? Oh my God. I just paid 200 bucks. Four.

Starting point is 00:30:08 You're very generous and you're paying for my flight to Boston. Who told you that? I ain't paying for dick. Fuck it. Fuck it. I'm going to cancel this, then. Anyway.

Starting point is 00:30:16 Anyways, you know I'm tight with my wall up, but I was in 22C. I was in 22 both ways. I was hoping it was going to be like 20 bucks to upgrade. It was 100 bucks each way, but at least I get. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:30:31 At least I get. This is what I'm talking about. So do you understand me, ladies and gentlemen? I'm sorry to interrupt you. No. But this is my point. You're an American.

Starting point is 00:30:39 I know. Hard every week. Let's pretend. Let me pretend with you. You make fucking... Where's my pen here? Who's got a fucking pen here? Let's pretend.

Starting point is 00:30:48 Let's pretend as an American you make 600 a week if you're lucky. 600 a fucking week if you're lucky, all right? What do you take home from that? 420? 420? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:00 That's 16 fucking 80 a month. Think about it. Think about it. How much money could this possible poor soul put away at the rent, car payment, food, insurance, which is fucking astronomical in this country at this point.

Starting point is 00:31:17 You got to walk around with a rabbit's foot, a santeria, chicken on your neck, a yarmulke. And now... Guess how much my health insurance is next year. How much? 400 a month.

Starting point is 00:31:27 A month? 400. 400 fucking 100 a month. So do you understand me? I mean, I don't know who's going to change this. I don't know. I don't know who discussed this in

Starting point is 00:31:38 their fucking... I don't know, you know, but this is what needs to be addressed. That level of America needs to be addressed again. To live again. To live again. To live again.

Starting point is 00:31:51 That level of America. That level of America. There is no reason why the rents are astronomical. Lee, the rents, astronomical levels. In a place where you're not going to get stabbed. In my tiny, like maybe 600 square foot

Starting point is 00:32:09 apartment, the next time it goes up in June, it's going to be 1400 a month. 1400 a month. I was thinking about that. Because for the first time in two and a half years, I just, I forgot to pay rent this month. She texted me and she was like,

Starting point is 00:32:22 we haven't got your checks. I ran down and my move there was 1200. And they keep raising it 50 bucks every year. And like, it's not that, it's not, like, I kind of want to ask what that apartment is now. I'm sure it's like 15, 16, 1600 a month.

Starting point is 00:32:41 I'm sure it is. Because they just keep raising every year. I said, when I bought my first house in 96, I was doing pretty good. Just got an NYPD blow. The house was going for 419. South of the Boulevard, Tarzana.

Starting point is 00:32:58 Beautiful spread. I mean, had a pool that looked like a pond. And I'm thinking, oh, shit, 419. I get that. I said, can I afford that? I never, you know, I'm a kid from New York.

Starting point is 00:33:08 I don't know. I thought 100,000, 200,000 sounded a lot. And they said, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll get the house for 380. I said, wow, you know, my heart was pounding. I wasn't making huge money.

Starting point is 00:33:18 And then, you know, I was like, and at that time, I thought 380, 400 was, you know, now, you know what you could get for 380? You can't get shit for 380. You can't get shit for 380. You get a million dollars a tear down. You get houses now, where I'm living

Starting point is 00:33:34 now, it's like they tear, the builders come in to tear them down. How could you as a young person start now? You know, how do you, how do you make it? I mean, how do you like, unless you're like starting with a big, you know,

Starting point is 00:33:47 big capital or this or that, but I mean like, at least, and that wasn't that long ago, 96, 98. And then, you know, when everything was going sky high and that, that was the whole mortgage scam thing, but then it came down, it shot back up.

Starting point is 00:34:01 Now it's so high again, nobody can buy anything. You know, so what's going to, you know, things, things just got out of hand. Never got corrected. I don't know. I don't know what the answer is. I don't think it's one person.

Starting point is 00:34:13 I don't know either. That's the thing that I wish I was more knowledgeable on the subject, but I got my own problems. I know. Over the years, I just said, you know what? You lose sight of things.

Starting point is 00:34:23 Towards politics, I get it. It is what it is, but I don't really have like a belief in it. I don't know why. And I've tried. I've really tried, you know, the police has changed over the last 20 years.

Starting point is 00:34:40 The police's attitude has changed. You know, I don't know if it's the internet, but every day I got to wake up and somebody's getting hit in the head or shot or tased or whatever. You know, every fucking day. Say, I don't know if I didn't see this because I wasn't as active on the

Starting point is 00:34:55 computer 20 years ago. I don't fucking know. It's too much. Everywhere you go, you're recorded. If you fought, they knew where you fought it. If you went to, if you sneezed, they knew where you sneezed.

Starting point is 00:35:06 It's really like almost, it's too much now. I got to talk to my brother about that. Years ago, he had to go to a pay phone, make a call. I got to go to a pay phone. I mean, today everything is

Starting point is 00:35:17 documented. It's too much. It's too much. It's just like sports. I love sports, but it's so saturated. It's boring. It's freaking boring. You know, it's like, it's not like

Starting point is 00:35:27 nothing is special anymore. Going to the movies was an event. We went to see the Godfather when we were kids. My father said, I'm going to take the whole family. Way to go. Wait around the block in Queens,

Starting point is 00:35:38 the Elmwood. It was an event. It meant something. You know, you went to a show. It meant something. Now these kids, everything is like, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me.

Starting point is 00:35:49 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I gotta survive, man. You understand? I'm not that guy anymore. Maybe I was that guy. I'm not that guy. I'd like to be that guy, but I hate that guy.

Starting point is 00:36:00 You know, it's crazy. We come from a different world, man, where, you know, we went to a driving movie theater. They threw a blanket over our head. We were in the back seat of the station wagon.

Starting point is 00:36:11 It was great. You know, those were special. I feel like I lived in... I still did that. You do it? Like six months ago Bring that back. I didn't have the blanket, but I was in the drive-in Withers their driving. Oh fuck. It's it's down in a weird plan. I don't know. I can look it up out here

Starting point is 00:36:28 Yeah, it's only looking at our way. Oh, I love that. There's a father Yeah, you remember that thing the radio used to put on the window. Yeah radios work and something now with the long string Yeah, they're still they've modernized a lot of driving feeders. It's just that People want to go and be more comfortable now. It's a different fucking America. There's no station wagons The driving is way more comfortable than the movie theater Because then no one is talking and ruining the movie, right other than tell me what that thing is I want to check every ten minutes. You got to put the defrost on It's a fucking nightmare. I know nobody's talking. What movie did you go to that people are talking?

Starting point is 00:37:10 No, I don't know movies. Nobody says two fucking words. I sit there. Nobody check chat. Nobody does none Even a movie is a lot of money, you know, you go to a movie now. They rape you That's why I don't want to go see a piece of shit movie It better be good because I know it's it's what is it 16 bucks 14 bucks? And you buy a popcorn You buy a soda you're going for two people. It's 50 60 if you got a couple of kids. It's a hundred bucks In the same building there used to be a podcast and it was two girls and they discussed movies But in those days this had to be I was off the blow. This is probably

Starting point is 00:37:51 2008 2009 I'm still living in Hollywood And they call me up and they go we'd like for you to be on the podcast to discuss two movies ago What are the two movies and one movie was an animated movie and the other movie was some fucking movie You know And the movie the other one I went to see in the daytime and it sucked ass But the other movie only was at the arc light I don't know about the arc line

Starting point is 00:38:19 My wife comes home. I go, what do you want to do? She goes, I go listen. I gotta go this fucking thing I gotta go see it anyway. So once you come with me, let's eat and then we'll make it a night Yeah, we went somewhere. We got some fucking snack or something and we went down there. I Want to know what on how about to the arc light to your client. I got home with 47. Yeah I didn't notice it till I got home You know those things that you don't even really notice it. All right, I just paid $53. Yeah to see a movie to see a fucking movie was I angry? No, the arc light is tremendous. They got that fucking chicken hot dog with the mustard in the onions

Starting point is 00:39:04 And I've had that one you eat a chicken. I'm talking you didn't know that no chicken hot dog Let me excuse myself. Okay, because Leo take it personally. I will go home with you You were you were you were you wait. I'm no no, no, no, no And the one on sunset Next to fucking on me but records, right? Oh, you go into that one, okay? They got a nice nice Chicken Applewood sausage and the dude's half retarded. So he burns it

Starting point is 00:39:38 You catch the one o'clock. It's nice and fresh. It's just a little Brent. Yeah, you tell mom. Oh boy. That's He puts in a bun he puts fresh onions on it a little mustard And he gives it to you he wraps it up you get one of those a diet soda, maybe a small popcorn Better than you some raisin ads If you don't go to the movie theater, you don't have raisin that's you are real You don't know you just wasted your time and don't get me wrong again. I got a movie theater I don't want to be beat. Wait, you get raisin that's every time sometimes. Sometimes I switch it up Yeah, yeah, but nine out of ten you got to bust out the raisin that you don't and the shit that's good teeth

Starting point is 00:40:27 What's the reason that's what's the ones that stick to the yeah, yeah, you know why you don't like raisin that's because nobody buys them So you sell them in this tail. I was gonna get to that shit. You motherfucking movie change think you don't know I'm on to you, but I'm on to you motherfuckers. Okay, you're fucking getting you're selling all fucking raisin that's okay Now let me tell you something. I walk into a movie theater in my mind I walk into a movie theater like a hooker walks into a bar. You're talking about dots The one that's yeah, yeah, yeah, I take all the red ones out and the mix fruit You know what? I love taxi driver. You ever see that movie like he walks into the porno theater and he buys like a royal crown Cola, I love that Aussie color. I love popcorn

Starting point is 00:41:08 Jujus, it's like a doll. I don't know what it was. It was ridiculous because it was in the 70s It was so cheap, but I love that scene with the narrows buying she get hungry But I get the whole raisin that's dang well raisin well crown call lately the raisin that's have been stale That's my point Nick. So my mouth I walk in there like a like a fucking hooker walks into a bar ready I got the taste of cock in my mouth I have to taste the raisin in my mouth with chocolate fucking just bring bring the raisin. That's with you And that's that you're right. You know, I mean bring a witch. You know chunky ball. How about a good chunky bar? I love to taste them. I smoke two or three joints. You bust some of those. I'm enjoys my way

Starting point is 00:41:46 I love you to death. I'm enjoying. Oh you bust out. I'm enjoying give me a hand job of the movie I'm into these fucking seas candies lately Nuts the nuts you gotta buy the nuts box the one with the nuts nuts and something choose seas candies old-school. Oh, it's good And you know chocolate is so good Now get your motivated. That's what I need my life chocolate is good Believe me. I don't need all that chocolate around. Yeah, I Told my wife to hide the kids Halloween truck I walk into the kitchen one night stone to the gills

Starting point is 00:42:22 There's a box of Halloween trucker. Yeah with miniature packages and shit There was two boxes, but the one I bumped into had those miniature fucking packages of M&M's and fucking Peanut ones. Oh, I destroyed the whole fucking box. Oh my god The next morning I left a little garbage I hid hidden You go nuts. I told my wife, you can't like the plain M&M's or the peanut I destroyed both the orange the yellow yellow and the black I don't mix them. That's disgusting. No, if you put the peanut ones the chocolate ones in your mouth It's not a bad idea. That means you're double chocolate those motherfuckers. Yeah, good to see you

Starting point is 00:43:03 You too. Oh my god. Oh, it's a pleasure. I don't look at that still up here still in the fucking game Still banging that own punches. I called him ask him if he got one in for an audition He went in he called his agent. He's still fucking. This is it guys guys on the street Calls me about this. It's no fucking. They're not giving out no charity No, there was a time when you walked into an audition guys and you know, you know what? I'm gonna call and they call you and you went the next day and got another chance to get this job Yep, those days are over when they've got they've a little they've eliminated the middleman completely first Oh, if you get the

Starting point is 00:43:42 Opportunity to go in you're blessed because I got to tell you something While they're writing it and talking about it. They're already sending out an offer to the guy. I know that's the fucking problem now So it's great that you got in on it when you said that to me I was very happy that you got in a lot of guys just wait for the phone They're in you got to attack everything you do That's why I pick up the phone now and you got to be proactive. You're right and going these auditions and people like man You know, I'm a fan of yours. I love your work. I love you. It's nice that everybody loves you But I'm like, I'm here just like you man. I'm on the street

Starting point is 00:44:14 You know, I've done a lot of things for 20 years. I've got a big body of work, but I'm just like you man I'm just you know, I'm glad that you know still got plenty of love on the street and respect But I got to go in there and try to make it happen But you know, it's it's hard because like you say there's always an offer out or you know, you don't know the situation Or what then and I just booked one recently I was like surprised I'm like, I don't really get lucky with this auditioning stuff was it's it's a whole other thing And you know, it's not you don't can't take it personal, you know Today I went in sometimes you look at the list of names that you notice anybody, you know, you do but it's like it is what it is

Starting point is 00:44:52 You know Just changed a lot people. It's and I know that these young people are going out. You know what man? You're a dad You're a big baseball enthusiast. You really know what the fuck you're talking about During the World Series, I was reading your tweets Some of them you're riding the fucking money about what was going on. You have a passion for fucking sports It's about time you got that What's Josh Wolf doing FaceTime you gotta get a meeting with fucking Facebook and tell him you want your own show They come to your house. They set cameras up for you. They do it right there. Yeah

Starting point is 00:45:28 Yeah, you talk shit. Yeah, right in front of camp. That's what I need for it I don't know. Yeah, because I can I can have my own show while I'm watching a watching a game talking about a game People love being right and listen to the hook. Yeah Everything you break is a sponsor. So this dish is brought to you by Super and also you smash it against the wall when when they strike out a Yankee at your fucking People love that type of shit. I'm saying I'm an idea man. I'm idea man. Just You're good. You're good. Lee. What's going on in your world cocksuck and look at you. You're all excited. You're packed He's a tiptoe in the house tonight. What time is your flight? My flight is seven. Oh shit

Starting point is 00:46:09 I mean, you got to be up early. We're gonna take drop this little half-heather acid just to get the blood going So by the time you get to the airport, it's at the Twilight Zone and shit with your luck They'll search you again because lately the dogs been on them lately I don't know what it is about me, but the dog doesn't like me. Yeah, I can't wait It's a great time a year ago. It's good. I can't dude I don't think you understand and I the Wilbur is so fucking cool. I can't wait to go there Like I can't wait to go back there and see it from a from like your perspective. I Get to see my mom. It's uh, I gotta give me anxiety for a while because I don't know. It's my job

Starting point is 00:46:50 Talking about your mother today, that was great. Yeah, move me in the car when you said, you know No matter how many years it is It's nothing like mama And that's what I tell people when you got your parents alive Or you got your mother alive. Just, you know, I didn't know he's maybe I didn't always appreciate it I feel her there, but it's just never the same, you know, because Nobody can replace that nobody your wife your girlfriend Nobody gives you that kind of love. You know, I mean, I mean even my brother waits sometimes

Starting point is 00:47:23 I know I go I'm thinking about mommy and he's like, yeah I'm thinking about it too. It's that time of year. Nick. I said, I know I know the other day He was reminiscing because remember when we went to the Willis Reed show Marv Albert was his co-host Willis Reed had a show in the 70s. Remember that Nicholas? I was like, yeah, yeah Remember when we went to the nick game and I was teasing you with Dave the bush against rick barry because you love rick barry He liked to get under my skin, you know, because the bushel was his man barry was my man You know, he's not thinking about your reminiscing. It's funny how you remember

Starting point is 00:47:53 All that shit when you were little when you're young. I remember nothing anymore. Everything is a blur My last 20 30 years a lot of shit happened. Good bad. I don't remember. No, I remember shit when I was a kid I remember baseball stuff for some reason the baseball shit sticks in my head You know, you could say a certain player a certain year and boom. I remember that guy It's funny how things, you know, like everything becomes boom and went fast Almost 55. I'm like, what the hell happened? My father used to go bam. It goes like that. Nicholas Really does in the blink of an eye You know, I was just I thought I was just 30 or 40 my 30s. I was a king man. I was I was in my heyday

Starting point is 00:48:32 I was on a hit show a great show one of the best ever And thinking man, you know, you just don't realize how good it was every fucking day You have to stop for two minutes The last Eight years I have stopped every day and go wow Whether I had money in my pocket No money in my pocket. I have stopped and said Jesus Christ, you know what that said to nick at our ages

Starting point is 00:49:01 We refer to things now in reality is 30 years ago That's scary Lee. Lee you refer to things 10 years ago. You're 28 years old. That's scary years ago. You were 18 You refer to things 20. You remember mom and dad 20 years ago. You took me rollerskate. Yeah on my knee. Oh my god, you know, but For nick now when I speak to people you talk to them in the 30 year range This shit you remember. Yeah, I talked to people from time to time. I went home two months ago and I went up to a bar and I met some people from McKinley where I went to grab the school that And the one girl told me a story that I remembered but I don't remember

Starting point is 00:49:47 But she confirmed what I didn't remember. You know what I'm saying? Like you get shit like that from time to time That's very interesting when somebody goes remember Nick We went up there and I'm like, yeah, who was with us nick? This guy this guy jimmy vile. You're like jimmy vile. Yes. He was remember. He drove the car and you're like, oh Shit. Yeah, that's right. We stole his father's car you know and you really uh I refer to things of 30 years ago and I gotta tell you man if you listen I know we have all ages 30 years goes by fucking fast

Starting point is 00:50:21 I listen to this music. I listen to this shit fucking music. I listened. We were just watching something 10 minutes ago. That was 45 years old that Still sounds fantastic But the reality of it that if there were 10 musicians on the stage eight and a half of them are dead Yep, they were in their 40s. They were in their prime. That was 45 fucking years. I just don't know how quick the ride is I remember when I first got on blue people would tell me Enjoy the ride. I mean, I was just hoping in our last one year. I wasn't thinking

Starting point is 00:50:54 Enjoy the ride. Enjoy the ride kid. And I was like, I didn't know what they meant But you know if you could just slow it down sometimes you could just fucking slow it down for a second And just go, oh man, this is this is really something but then you know You settle in and life changes and you change and you get caught up in shit You got people around you had like an entourage at all kinds of people I'm attending to and And I'm thinking, you know, you think you're you're Tarzan, but you're not man and it goes fast A lot it was exciting Was never boring

Starting point is 00:51:30 You know, even like the longer you look back the longest yard that was That was 11, you know, 11 years ago You're like, wow, I remember that, you know, we shot that in 2004 Lee think of that number. How old were you in 2004? You were 16 years old Yeah, oh my god And to come out in the summer It came out in May

Starting point is 00:51:53 We shot it in the summer. Okay, so it came out in May of what 2000 2005 What a blast came out you you were 17 17. Yeah, wow, but think about it You were 16 when we shot this fucking movie, you know, I saw a poster. I was in Tarzana That they were gonna make the longest there was a poster and an early poster Right the very remember it said it said Adam's name on it or Bert Reynolds But it was like a guy was like handcuffs, right? And there was the handcuffs. Yeah against guys with no handcuffs on and I said Oh, I gotta look into that movie. That's the movie that's being made. That's when I first Saw it and thought about it

Starting point is 00:52:34 Because I didn't I didn't know Adam. I didn't know him. I mean And that's what that's when it gave me the idea but I wasn't that familiar with the original movie, but I always loved Bert Reynolds The original movie I love is actually great. I love it. I mean the kids I gotta be honest with you the original movie I used to go to the same movie theater to watch a good movie From time to time my godfather when I lived in new york city Well under the 8th street, he would take me to 42nd street and that's why I watched dirty harry and uh, wow The velachi papers velachi papers. I watched the the love bug there I watched the the strongest man in the world there

Starting point is 00:53:13 But once my mom moved to jersey, I started going to this place called Ed Cinema It was a spanish, italian movie place popcorn chocolate raisinettes I could smell it right now as I'm describing it to you had the The pale color with like the burgundy Trimmings all around and burgundy curtains and once you passed the ticket holder was every man from zoe Were they wearing like the white shirts with the You know, I don't remember they were outfits. Lee. I remember the the candy concession Was to the right hand side and there was just one movie theater. It was huge

Starting point is 00:53:51 And it was broken into three areas. So you had to lower the middle and the back right and I went to see I mean, there's a collection of films. I went to see I went to see the fucking exorcist there in the afternoon That's when they didn't give a fuck how old you were That was a hard one to get into if you had a dollar and a quarter to get in We don't know nothing. You know what I'm saying is the cops come. We don't know nothing And I went to see the exorcist there I went to see enter the dragon there. Wow. I went to see the chinese connection. Yeah Did they have double features?

Starting point is 00:54:25 At that time remember when they used to have double and triple at that time when bruce lee hit with the chinese connection Then they started doing chinese connection and fista fury just the fury for a dollar 25 You wouldn't have stayed in there all fucking night, you know, you would have six hours because they played They just played there was no intermission. I think the one intermission they swept But after that it went straight to 1am, you know And on the right hand side was the concession and you went in there But the two movie I went to see tommy there What the two movies that stick out in my mind in that place

Starting point is 00:55:03 That I really thought the rest of my life movie theater is going to be like that was a one rocky The place went badass. Yeah, the whole movie theater was on their feet And two The longest yard at the end. Oh really the whole place is yummy. So you saw that in the big screen I saw that in the big screen at a movie theater in union city, new jersey. Wow 1973 now weird never knowing that you would be in you know, not it. No, no That was never in your in your mind never in my fucking thought And then I saw the longest yard again years later the original

Starting point is 00:55:40 I saw it again like 10 years later right before I got locked up I was living I was living in Hey, I was living in Aspen, Colorado And I worked on a movie video rental place and then I would order movies and I was like, where's the charles brunton section And the guy's like, we really don't rent charles brunton. Are you fucking crazy? I went and got stone killer the mechanic mechanic Uh

Starting point is 00:56:06 That's wish that's wish the one with the watermelons When they took his watermelons, I got I got like four or five of them And people were just renting them all the time when I would take them whatever they didn't rent I'd take it home. Even if I had watched it I'd take it home. So I was a big charles brunson was your man, huh? Yeah, that was my main man's brunson. I'm a fucking uh Cobra and dude. I like those that era. Yeah Fucking allergies or something I'm really happy there are some video stores coming back

Starting point is 00:56:44 I've missed mid video stores. It was it was it was a an amazing place as a kid, especially the nerd Just getting there because because we couldn't get there. I didn't have buses or anything like that I can only go if my mom took us And it was it was it was amazing. I was just so sad when I closed I was a movie buff growing up. You know what I mean? John used to do We used to go to a place called Steven sallies

Starting point is 00:57:12 in New York in New York and we used to buy Lobby cards and movie pictures you could go to this place and buy actual prints from Kirk Douglas movies Bert Lancaster. We loved all old movies Beautiful, you know the lobby cards and and the black and these are beautiful prints. We used to buy all these You guys still around Steven sallies You can go to shows and buy these kinds of pictures and stuff But people don't only nuts that you know do that kind of stuff

Starting point is 00:57:41 They were special, you know, I used to put them in our room. Oh, wow. Look at this Lonely all the brave Kirk Douglas or You know the swimmer Bert Lancaster. We had all these movies that we love. We were we were like movie critics in my family You know, we used to like Who knew we were going to be in the movies, but we kind of like lived through the movies Spartacus Almond gantry all these great movies Great movies. I mean you watch these movies today Yeah, you lived through. Yeah, it was a different experience, but the longest shot. My god. That was a good. I mean that was really a good movie

Starting point is 00:58:17 So when your son goes to the movie theaters, what does it cost him right now at his age? Oh him with just what by himself. Yeah It cost him Like 30 bucks, maybe Yeah, but time he buys something to drink and eat and a movie ticket And if he goes to the spotlight, it's more money because the amc. Maybe it's a little less Yeah And I think that kills me and

Starting point is 00:58:47 Every I think you would have bossed to the movie tickets the same price No more they're a little bit higher. Boston is higher a little bit probably at the one I want Like probably a little bit. I guess yeah, this is to guys 15 or 16. Let me look at you How long does it take americans to go wait a second? You know what? We've been doing this a certain way I think I think we I think they are with like the internet. I think I think that's what's happening I think that's why they look this the market was crashing. Yeah That's why it's hard to sell movies, man

Starting point is 00:59:22 Was the market really crashing? That's I don't I don't know anything about stock. I just heard That they were dropped at the bottom point What's going on I'm not gonna take the prices Hey Let's see Serical

Starting point is 00:59:56 Okay, never mind Boston's not that bad how much is boss 13.99 at night. So what is that 13? And that's not that's not 3d or anything I'm fucking believable ladies and gentlemen Every day you learn something fucking new You know when this guy like I said This is what got me going and I don't even vote. I have no interest in it When this whole thing started I thought it would last 90 fucking days. That's it. And no, no, no, I didn't think it would last 90 days

Starting point is 01:00:43 I'm very sorry. It took him 90 days to hang himself Oh, you think yeah, you know what I'm saying? At first he was talking some sense Then it took him 90 fucking days to hang himself right, but she you know, they just don't want to rent at those places Somebody was saying that the unions didn't want it, you know Listen, we need something new. I don't know if this guy's the answer. I don't know pretty Sanders would have been the answer I don't know anymore. Do you what was the reaction when Reagan was elected because I know he's loved now But he was an actor. I know he yeah, but he became a politician. He was governor first. Yeah, he had some He had polished himself a little bit. You know leaving all that stuff was going on

Starting point is 01:01:29 I was so fucking high I was young I didn't give a fuck about that stuff Growing up, it didn't even By that time I was done with it. I had seen some shit in Jersey. I was like god and new york New york city at that time You know people talk about play to pay That's been going on for 30 fucking thousand million years. You think clinton was the first person to do something Look at the faces

Starting point is 01:01:57 But on the mea of what just people outside like looking look at that Jesus Christens I mean Jesus I was I was thinking about this earlier, but we left the topic, but was there ever a president that Didn't like like came through was a lot of the things that they promised Everything that I've noticed I've only been through a few presidents And no one's ever come through with anything

Starting point is 01:02:28 So I've kind of checked out Of presidential elections was clinton good nick Bill yeah Yeah, he was pretty good bill actually was pretty good for a while and uh I thought he was doing Country was I mean, you know in the end there were things that came out, but overall I think clinton was a pretty good president You know, I mean the smart guy. I mean she helped make him She's a bright lady, but she doesn't have what he has, you know, he just had that he had the complete

Starting point is 01:03:00 You know, I mean he had a complete package and he was likable people loved them. They liked them Just like obama people like obama This is a whole other thing. I don't know. This is a weird night This is a string doesn't it feel weird. I mean, I mean like you said the sun's gonna rise, but I ate 10 stars. I don't know nothing Hey, the cubs won 180 years. My wife has half an order of rabbiata in that refrigerator the baseball gods came out That's gonna be haunting me and shit. Felipe as far as it's going Felipe as far as it was the tweeter of the night. He said hillary clinton fans

Starting point is 01:03:34 Looked like chicago cup fans after the fourth game or something like that I was just fucking around. I thought I always thought trump was and they got a big phone amount I thought at the end hillary would polish them off. I think she still has a shot at this moment as we're speaking um, hopefully, you know, hopefully she'll pull it out. I mean So people don't you know jump off the bridge But I didn't think it would be like this again. I don't know anything about fucking politics Me neither my wife talks to our mom and dad. They giggle her mom and dad And uh, that's as far as politics as I listen to you know, it brings out a lot of stuff politics

Starting point is 01:04:15 You have conversations with people and it just gets it turns ugly. It gets nasty on all kinds That's what I don't like about it And what these people should do is work together As we have the politics ruins it, you know, it's like instead of working together It's always about who can cut who up and who's got the angle. That's what I don't get about Politicians of politics. You ask one side one thing. They say that then the other side says this. So then you go, what do I believe? What do I believe? You know the truth lies somewhere

Starting point is 01:04:50 We have to attack also See when I come to you and I go, uh, count them in tutorial, uh Joey Coco Diaz. I'm part of the Recreation department and listen, we need some funding For an acting program and you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm like, listen I got 22 kids over there. They love Brando. They love Pacino They love jimmy smiths. All right, and what they want to do is they want to learn how to act

Starting point is 01:05:20 They will cause you peanuts Plus there's 20 kids They're two parents apiece Everybody knows when you die, you get 250 mascots. Everybody at least knows 250 people Do you want people to know councilman tutorial that you didn't give us the acting program after you win? I would that feel in your community. Okay. What can you do for me? Get me signatures for this, but And we work together and I hold you to your promises Right a lot of people give up or he won't do it. No hold them to his fucking promise

Starting point is 01:05:52 Hold them. How do you hold them through a promise voters? He doesn't want to lose those people Once you get in there Nick tutorial, that's it. It's not the first term when you start stealing It's the second term see the first term you set the tunnels up, right? I'm gonna rob this guy I'm gonna rob this guy. There's a mall opening up. It's a no-zone mall You know I'm saying it's a 20 million dollar job too many of that gotta go in my pocket directly Oh, he ain't opening no fucking mall. You follow me. I mean lee. It's so dirty You sit there, you know, look at the this guy from jersey. I'll give you an example

Starting point is 01:06:29 Look at this guy from jersey To close the fucking bridge. I don't even live in jersey But I know how it works as soon as I heard and I go wait a second What kills me about it? He's letting a woman go to jail Christie. Yeah That's just I don't really know all the facts, but she's got four kids christie Go in there tell the truth Let the girl get probation through a lot of politics. Let it let them take a law degree away

Starting point is 01:06:56 But don't let a mother or four Get sent to fucking prison. You know, this is what's going on. You know, listen what I'm what I'm the governor I got three or four guys those three or four guys You get paid to insulate me. Okay. What does that mean? If I'm with a hooker and I stab her in the throat Guess who's taking it for the swamps Get ready. They have to turn around. You're taking a body to the swamps leaves done this before Lee how many bodies we bury out there 18 19? Yes, sir. What bodies because

Starting point is 01:07:26 Because lee believes I'm gonna be president of the United States someday And he's gonna be my number one god. He guys he told his father already. He's gonna be the first jewish whatever So it becomes cultish It becomes kind of cultish in a way like yes, sir. You're doing shit for this guy that He killed somebody in that condo who you think buries him out in fucking jersey city, exactly You and lee that's your new job. You just take care of dead hookers You pull the teeth you throw a lion and you cut off the fingertips bring it back to me lee's done it before right lee Absolutely

Starting point is 01:08:04 It's like that movie with there with burnt Reynolds when he plays the congressman or whatever And demi more is the strip when he's in love with it and he hires the guy that take the lint from her uh from her laundry And he would he would grant me but You ever see the movie lee? No, you haven't because you're a fucking momo You know

Starting point is 01:08:30 Dick there's a movie that is hilarious But Reynolds in its way. I think it's before boogie nights. I'm not sure don't quote me on this But they play burnt Reynolds Look that up lee. Look that up lee. What's it? He plays a governor with demi more and somebody else it's uh

Starting point is 01:08:51 1997 She plays a stripper Oh strip tees and strip tees. Yes Is that funny? Watch this see if Type in burnt Reynolds strip tees lee see if it comes up Well, what this guy did was He rubbed butter on himself. He put cowboy hat on the cowboy boots

Starting point is 01:09:13 And they would bring him the lint from her laundry and he would just whack off Really? Yeah, but they you know, listen, you just don't come up with that Somebody's had to do that in front of you at least one time in your life. Yeah, look at that and go, you know, the senate is great Meanwhile, you caught him with cowboy boots with butter all over butter because those guys become fucking congressman issues just to be freaks Yeah, those are the people that fucking that's true It's sad, but I know you know my one's the doorman had a cowboy one time like that Asked me to come up to room and he answered in his underwear and cowboy hat and boots

Starting point is 01:09:48 I said, what do you need sir? He said you do just fine I said, I don't know what to say. I was the doorman He goes, you're as cute as a button. I don't know why how old was it? I was in my 20s. How old is he? It's all you know, man 50 or something I had no idea that he wanted to swing that way, but he had made me laugh with the cowboy boots. You thinking the butter He's in his underwear. It was a sight to see. I said, you know what? I said, I'll I'll get back to you He had butter on himself. No, I'm saying imagine if he had butter

Starting point is 01:10:18 Oh, that's fucking crazy. No, I had to get out of there. Well, I was a doorman. I experienced a lot a lot of stuff Oh my god, you find anything? I was like a two-second clip. That's a lot of fun. Don't worry about that That's a good that's a you know, you gotta watch that. That's a great movie. It's not it's not an academy award But for that time period Bert Reynolds, you know, Bert Reynolds disappeared for a while. He had tax problems He stabbed somebody, you know, Bert had some problems. Wow guy then he came back with striptease The other one boogie nights. He was outstanding. He was outstanding. He's great and he went straight from there. So

Starting point is 01:11:00 Man, he blew me away and boogie. He was so good in it I love that one scene where wallberg He's good mark wallberg and he uh He comes out. He's like, you know, he couldn't get a hot on And he's in the bathroom and they got this other new kid out there like johnny wad You know, I don't know where they found him And and wallberg was like, you're not an actor. You're not an actor. I'm an actor Not you, you know, so he was like trying to get hard and then he tells Bert

Starting point is 01:11:26 Bert knew he was coked up and he goes, I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready to fuck I'm ready to fuck right now. He's like, no, you're not ready. He goes get out of here. He goes, I got the biggest dick here Bert Reynolds like grabbing somebody's rope. He goes, you're fired And he goes, fuck you man. He like goes into a karate stance like bruce lee Man, it was a great scene. It really is. I mean a great scene. What a great movie funny and sad Man, that movie is dynamite. Well, paul thomas anderson I'm a big fan of his

Starting point is 01:12:01 That movie is uh, is it really emotional? That's a that that movie here on the coaster ride You've never seen boogie nights You better smoke a number and and get a blanket and really focus on what goes on in that movie They take you on a fucking ride. There's scenes in that brilliant That you look at and go, Jesus Christ. What thought of this shit? I know the guy's watching his wife You know, get you know, what's his name? What's his name the guy with the Forget his name. He's a good actor. He shoots himself shoots himself man Macy macy. Well, how about phil?

Starting point is 01:12:38 Seymour, yeah, he's in it. Oh my god, he's great. Marky wallberg was on fire Marky wallberg was on fire the scene when the scene when burt reynolds goes to the jail To see the guy that molested little boys Had to produce it The captain the captain. Yeah, he's like they found pictures. Did you do it? Did you do it? I guess they're so innocent. I just love to they sit on my lap I don't have a doing that's when bird had to like walk away from me. Don't leave me roll the girl How about that scene in the car with the the girl and

Starting point is 01:13:10 And he pulls her right off. What's her name? Heather What's her name the actress she was oh man pulls them off. I'd like to say it's ventura, but it's not It's not really venturable of art. It's supposed to be but is it really? Well, because the guy grew up in the valley You know the movie so she pulls up next to him and they actually getting him Yeah, they're making me and he got rough with her. They start making out and she's like relax and fuck you It's a shame you turned out to become this He's got makeup on his face and she says what you say, right? That's right. You became a fucking loser And then he goes out as he's putting his jacket on she goes out of the car and clocks him with something

Starting point is 01:13:47 He goes down. They start kicking him in shit. Yeah, there's fucking blood everywhere at the same time They're mixing in a scene With marky wallberg in a parking lot And a little guy in the truck pulls up next to him. Yeah, and they're asking each other. What do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do? What do you want to do? He goes, I want to see you work jerk off 10 bucks 10 bucks at the same time this scene is going on And mikey and then all of a sudden you go back to the scene

Starting point is 01:14:14 Which she's still kicking him with the roller skates on and blood's going everywhere And then you go back to the scene where marky wallberg is jerking the fuck off And all of a sudden she goes back to the scene where burp rentals comes out and they have an argument now And burp rental starts punching this motherfucker in the head And back to the scene where fucking all of a sudden a truck full of guys pull up get out and beat the shit out of wallberg Shit out of marky wallberg. What about the scene with the molina that is whacked Then it takes you to another scene now there's so it really takes you to a sad It takes you to a sad view

Starting point is 01:14:51 Of what happened at that time period with cocaine How quick it got into the game and changed everything it changed Everything it changed these people Completely you see it anybody who does a movie about the 80s and shows anybody could show you coke But to see the transformation of people where it took him that's

Starting point is 01:15:19 henry hill Scorsese was the first one who did it When he snorts the coke and pops up and they show his face this nose getting red at his eyes they focus on his eyes getting dilated That's beautiful. Right. They did his eyes were funny. I'm saying like all that stuff is beautiful You saw it it would wall. I mean it transferred me and oh real quick. Yeah, because at the beginning of the guitar studio He was an innocent. He was kind of like he was vulnerable and he was innocent even though, you know, it was here with this wash away, you know, he was like a

Starting point is 01:15:51 Oh, yeah, he was not even a waiter. He was a What do they call that the bus boy? He was a bus boy, you know, he had the poppy hairdo and Um, you know, even then the mother who was like freaking out. Where you going at night? Where you going? You know, he was like, I'm gonna be a star. I'm gonna be a star. He had the pictures. I mean, he like he wanted to be somebody You know and and he was he was he believed he was really like he took it serious That he was this porno star, you know, he really like he thought he was doing some good acting You know, it was very good. That's a black kid. He's big now. Oh, he's a good actor He goes into the donor place and they rob the place and he gets some money open up a stereo shop. He's a very good actor

Starting point is 01:16:31 There's so many different stories going on and they're all very uh, it's a great more every part of it When you watch the movie and if you're watching it, you have control of it You won't speed through those scenes No Because there's that every scene comes together The movie comes together great where him at the end he shows his big dick Yeah, that's a rubber thing and people went nuts. You ever watch it Lee? No, you gotta see it. It's a must Why would that's the first thing I do when I go to tonight when you get home at two in the morning?

Starting point is 01:17:03 Wake paul up and watch boogie nights I like that movie You know, they say, you know, why did you tell me all the crazy horrible scenes? Yeah, but you're still gonna see it You know, it's funny too. Oh, horrible. It's very funny. It's very entertaining It's also sad and very sad in a lot of ways doesn't that have a story with the chick She can't see her kids. Yeah, but there's a scene in that movie where her and heather Are locked in the room and they've been in there for about eight hours And that's not in coke

Starting point is 01:17:33 And they're talking to each other. She's like, why won't you be my mommy? Okay, from now on I'll be your mommy. Okay. You're my mommy. You're my mommy. Let's go for a walk and she's no Let's not go for a walk dog Unless you've been up for 10 hours on blow That's exactly how people act. You nailed it, huh? When you're locked in the room with somebody in the apartment with somebody eight 10 hours You start fucking getting crazy You start talking, you know, nick. I've always loved you since the time we did the longest really Joey

Starting point is 01:18:04 I love you too. Like a brother. It's so Jesus Christ. Let's do another line. Okay You know, it's all part of the fucking stupidity. Right, but it becomes something else, you know, and then you go for 20 hours And it becomes something completely fucking different. It's such a sort of really show I can always tell when the movie's faking the funk. Yeah, you know when they put coke on the table Okay, anybody can do that's a that's a that's a ten dollar fucking stunt, right? Right. You could that could be anything white I don't know what that is. It's the feeling that the director Gives you one of the bestest Corsese um

Starting point is 01:18:42 Scarface, yeah If it wasn't even the shots, I think it was more the music The music scared you into the cocaine. It was like evil music. Yeah, the music was great I know the organs came in strong. That's all they needed Was every time they showed coke was to make what's his name go? And nobody would have done coke no more. He said he fucked up Lee, what's going on over there? What did Uma Thurman? Almost OD on production. Was that coke or was it heroin?

Starting point is 01:19:16 It was heroin because she was looking for coke But instead Travolta had coke and heroin he bought from that dealer What's that thing they did the holiday like gave her a shock. They gave her a shot of that Adrenaline, right? Listen, that's the part I fainted Really? Listen the first time I went to see that movie First time that movie came out what 94 95, okay? Pulp friction that is right

Starting point is 01:19:46 I was living in Boulder, Colorado I had friends 94 had friends I had a life I was in a terrible position with my ex-wife I had these little goombas who owned a deli a deli zone and They had front girls that they hung out with they were They were kids They were 24 and here I am a loser's comedian 32

Starting point is 01:20:10 I don't child support and shit, but these guys were my friends. I had a car. I had a bicycle for days I didn't have cash You know, I was just trying to put the pieces together man and uh One night they invite me they go listen. We bought like 15 tickets You might go see this new Tarantino movie. They're telling me with this guy. It's like, all right, let's go I don't have a great fucking time. You're not gonna believe the story when I tell you Jesus Christ I don't even want to fucking tell you because you're gonna be mad at me Somebody's gonna substitute it for the sake, but it really was

Starting point is 01:20:46 I'm sitting there having a great time. It's a bunch of us sitting together You know, like when you and all your friends get to sit together and it comes to that part Where he shows the needle in her heart and I pass out Just like wrap a cram and go out out. No noise. No No noise. No nothing. I went my head went back and I just rolled off the chair a little bit and after about a minute they realized Check on Joey. What's going on there? And then checked on me and shit. They threw a little water in my face and shit When I woke up, I heard, you know

Starting point is 01:21:21 A little bit of that shit and then I realized I fainted and they go, what happened? I go I fainted when I saw the the blood go in there But how I came out of that I popped the fucking raisin that And it's hand took me right out of that Raisins are terrible. Go fuck yourself. Leave me. You like chicken. You like chocolates or peanuts or anything Yeah, peanut and bananas. What are you talking about? Raisin that? Listen dawg. I like M&M's too The fuck is WYA? What does that mean, Lee?

Starting point is 01:21:54 What WYA? My son sends me WYA Don't even tell me trump won because people call that travel agent as we speak. Is that what that means? I'll go to CNN. All right right now. Fuck it. Let me tell you something if trump wins tonight There's gonna be a trump code get out Trump surges Oh my god, he's winning 244 to 215. Is he losing? He's winning Oh my god He he will when you top it people they project

Starting point is 01:22:26 Oh my god, you heard it cocksuckers. Well, you know by the time you hear the podcast by the time you hear this You'll be the old news, right? It'll be old news. You'll be sitting there going. What the fuck happened last night Who know who knew you didn't really know I I had a feeling I didn't know You know the the phone calls the not phone calls the foundation I think I didn't know that it lied a lot deeper than that. That's how uninformed I was so Who the fuck is this shit good to see you? What was the last thing you shot I shot a this movie called a chance in the world in Chicago

Starting point is 01:23:03 Got a little movie that just came out now Called subterranean that I did like two years ago. It just came out on you know dvd. It's so Weird little fucking movie not bad then something called the eyes which is coming out and all these indies. I'm the king of indies right now But trying to shoot my own pilot, which I want you to be a part of So, um, you know just forging ahead trying to stay alive Trying to stay alive, Joe Sorry about that. I'm starting to get a lot of anxiety from those stars You're right. Oh, yeah, I'm always fine. I just make me worry when I want to watch you. I hear you breathing. I'm like

Starting point is 01:23:42 I just gotta get my composure. Yeah I got the nose done not for beauty sake And then you could do oh to breathe Yeah to breathe but later I've been getting clogged up again And I've been getting a headache on the right side of my head and sinus So something's going fucking on if this goes on if I wake up tonight with a headache tomorrow I gotta wake up later and go right to the dock You might need an MRI check it out. Yeah something something's done. Right. I'm not getting dizzy spells. I've been going where's the headache

Starting point is 01:24:13 right here Up there. Yeah Right there and you're waking up with it or yeah, I wake up at one in the morning when I go to pee two in the morning I got a fucking headache Why are you gonna just check it out? I mean watch with those stars, maybe too many stars No, I'll be I'm gonna look out for stars. We want somebody gotta break them enough. I've been good league Everyone I've been a good boy lately except for Saturday night. I like the double package of that death. They look good I'm trying brother. You look good. Your special looks great

Starting point is 01:24:46 You know man 25 fucking years of doing comedy deserve it. Yeah. No, I'm very happy funny bastard I'm really happy with it. I'm really happy they gave me a shot. So here we are It comes out December 8th on siso into the vision of mbc Right now mbc has a ton of great stuff on there. So a lot of people know about siso a lot of them don't Where is siso now? How do I find that? How do they find the way siso siso? It's on it's everywhere I have I have mine on my uh, and was on prime in marocco. It's great. So, um Actually, what are they buying these people? So they're there's a streaming service. Oh, they're streaming them and let me see if I can

Starting point is 01:25:29 Find a list of the devices. So oh my god, it's everywhere So you can do it on your desktop your mobile android amazon fire ios every all of them in tablets You can do your roku amazon xbox windows 10 chromecast apps

Starting point is 01:25:47 And if you have an apple tv you can air play from your mobile device or desktop computer So it's from everywhere. Let's say you have a big screen tv like this. Can you plug it into your computer? It'll play up there You could but your big screen tv probably has It could even be a smart tv and have the app or you could have a roku So you don't even you might not even need that You're a fucking genius play so if you don't have it, you know what you do you got to see some press Where you gotta be prepared I was

Starting point is 01:26:20 What is it gonna air december 8th it is december 8th Very good. You bring cooking lately. Yeah, I've been making some sauce In fact, i'm thinking of reviving my sauce because I had it in a jar Years ago when these are tying guys just got into a lot of trouble. We didn't have any capital So I got a guy to call me the other day from st. Louis. He goes, hey You remember that sauce you made in the jar nicky red sauce. I said, yeah, because it was a great sauce I got this company up in aragon They're packers

Starting point is 01:26:52 They may want to pack it and do the whole thing Oh my god, it's nick. Nick. He's probably calling me about trump um, so I called the guy that made the sauce And uh, he says listen nick I'll help you out. He goes if you want, I'll give you the recipe because it took me a while to make it right for you Because it came out great. I just need capital So maybe we'll get it going and we'll call it nicky red sauce from the tutorial brothers I'll bring johnny into it. That'll help me, you know, nick and john even though john's got nothing to do with the sauce

Starting point is 01:27:25 But I make a mean, you know To red sauce, you know, let's say just one con just one. No, well, we had one flavor But we got to make more than one flavor. They'll be seen on the shelves. You need like five six flavors But from the base sauce, they could make other flavors. Yeah, you can make a, you know, a roasted garlic Yeah roasted garlic. You can make a basil. You can make a, you know The main meat sauce which I made with pork rib bones that comes out came out fantastic I'll show you a picture the other day. I Put some meatballs together. They look tremendous

Starting point is 01:27:58 She thinks I'm like fooling around this late. You see what I mean Yeah, it goes on for hours Yeah, that's right What are you gonna do? You live out past fucking 8 30 at night You're sitting on your couch yelling at the tv tweeting right go fuck yourself. You read my all my tweets So all of my son goes all you talk about is baseball. You ain't pitching, right? Yeah, I know this guy's crazy The world series was a great dog. I spoke about last week. I'm analyzing I'm analyzing you ain't mad at you. Don't get off that phone. Let's finish this shit

Starting point is 01:28:32 I know if not, we'll never get your attention and shit like I haven't seen in years Where the fuck you been? I went away. I know I've been away a long time. Nobody went up and then told you right Now we're back You're still shining shoes. I don't shine shoes. No, I don't shine shoes anymore. That's right. Nobody will up there and tell you that Oh, oh this guy could shine shoes. Oh, oh Spread shine all of a sudden while you're getting fresh I wonder if he's still alive. Oh That dude frank vinson. Yeah. Yeah, I think he's a lot. I think he had

Starting point is 01:29:05 I think he had some uh some issues, you know, I already was sick a little bit But he always had a great head of hair. He had that nice gray hair. I worked with him on uh jungle fever with spike and then he was in witness to the mob with me and you know, he did the sopranos he did uh He always had a great face face that frank vinson, you know, I'm a do the right thing when he's going through the uh The fire hydrant. What's the guy's name? Johnny black. Johnny who? Yeah. Yeah, joe black. Joe, right? Joe joe uh, joe black. Joe, right? I don't fucking know. He's he went crazy. Well, you people say the other day Oh, it's bazaar. Yeah, we were talking about your movie when you were kind of

Starting point is 01:29:46 To give us both roles. Oh that movie was a disaster But I gave you guys parts But the funniest thing in the world, you know, was when we gave David pro val weed. Oh my you guys gave him weed It's a great actor That's why one of the days he was forgetting his lines and his following day off He went and got a medical marijuana license and he's never looked back I bumped into him three years later. He's like, listen, dog. You saved my life. I was having a lot of problems this shit

Starting point is 01:30:16 He gave me that pot cookie. I went home and slept for 18 hours. But when I woke up my problems were healed I tell you something about David povalo that guy fucked him up on the set He fell over one time on a chair and hit his head on the movie set. Yeah, and then he goes That little Filipino producer was an animal neck and ice woman I said, I know she was a cold because I wound up having fights with those two People because they they were fucking this is they were like really animals and I You know, they wanted to make a movie and the thing was Really all over the place and I

Starting point is 01:30:53 Then they brought these other guys in I brought a director in that he had an ass scoff. He didn't know what the fuck He didn't know what he was talking about. I wanted to fire him and I brought him in I brought him in I wanted to fire him You saw this guy. No this fucking guy. I didn't know he was a real mook And I almost killed him I threw him out of the editing room I went to the editing room and I said get out Get the fuck out. He was like what what what I said, I got final cut now take a fucking walk You and your fucking ass scoff

Starting point is 01:31:25 Go get out of here. Yeah the worst. Yeah one time he did something the kids were acting My son was acting and he and he like told him like like I said, what are you doing? Don't don't call cut these are kids the behavior is beautiful. What are you doing? He knew nothing about acting this guy. He like lived in a No, I I didn't know him and I just brought him in because I thought I did this little movie This guy had a bad piece. It was like oh my god Fucking guy. It was like a horrible head piece. I was gonna take his head You take the dp's head and like together

Starting point is 01:32:00 I was gonna crunch both of them You have no idea people at all. Oh, I mean, you know, you do all kinds of movies. It was classic This was the only problem. We didn't do with this Wish you documentary That's where the money that's where the money would have been because the making of that movie I had a lot of people at joey's in it at paul radringas His fucking lead became he had a fucking wig piece and it was I'd fucking ask off like he was from like some he was some uh english like

Starting point is 01:32:30 Indian guy he was trying to sound intelligent. It was a fucking I have all these scripts I had a great time. I'm always thankful. We had fun. We had fun. I learned a lot doing it You learn a lot. You I learned a lot They shot me and then I had to go for an audition. I shaved my mustache So that Probably gave you a really shitty mustache, right? You're really shitty mustache. Joey was a sheriff. Oh my god There's some funny shit in it But you know, it is what it is

Starting point is 01:32:59 But you're right the making of that movie would have been genius the movie if we get about yeah That movie was forgetting making over paul radringas as far as late and they sent somebody over to his house Oh my god, the fence and wake him up and shit. Oh, we were laughing about that I only did it for the money, you know, my wife told me don't don't do this. Don't work with that guy Don't work with that guy. He was a father at the school and he was chasing me and he gave me a script I said it's unreadable. I don't know what to do with that When you try to rewrite a bad script it was it was rough and then I brought that guy in with the Hair and that was a bad choice. Then I wanted to get rid of him and then the other guy wouldn't fire him

Starting point is 01:33:37 You know the producer he was like, no, no I said, it's he's either him or me. I said I was getting mad. I was getting really angry I went and I wound up I didn't want to be mean to the guy because I brought him in But then I threw him out of the editing room. That was the funniest when I saw him in the editing room I was like get out, you know, you have to fucking leave now I said because I got to try to save it. I couldn't really save it I came to this town in 1997 and within six months I was booked for something If you want me to lie to you, I didn't know what I was doing this one on

Starting point is 01:34:08 For a few years. I didn't know what I was doing. I finally got into an acting class And got the basics and I didn't know what I was doing And then guys by 2000 I started working and working and working and working And it was always something a tv show mad tv a movie Back to a tv show guest our costar. I did 10 fucking costars. You know the costar is Two and a half lines if you're lucky me. I know how to squeeze an extra line out of fucking anything I know how to break two lines in half. I'm the king of all that shit So I'll at least get four lines, but I get four or five hours on the set

Starting point is 01:34:43 I get to eat like a king. I get to take a sandwich home talk to somebody I've never met before But it's funny that at this point in my life If I had a gun to my head And you gave me time not money I could direct the phone. Oh, yeah, do you follow me just from the experience? I've had sure well, joey You never went to a director school. Listen. I watched 10,000 movies. I know what I like Exactly, you know what you don't like. I know the cuts I'm looking for

Starting point is 01:35:14 I know what to give the viewer right and this is how this movie has to get done Exactly these movies today. They give you everything when I was growing up I grew up on films that left you hanging mentally And all of a sudden your mental state started asking for the reason why I repeat myself They never showed the body of Don Corleone They only showed the curtain blowing with the wind. They never zero one on them and show them that dead They never do no they give you a tool from a side vision Just cuts like that that you have to go home and think about and go

Starting point is 01:35:47 Why didn't they show them lying there like everybody else in the movie? Right? And you know, that's That's no one what you're looking at too. And then like even when he was pushing me He was why don't you do I just figured well at the time I don't want to be barbed. Well, I'll bring someone in like, you know Like you know, Adam has these guys come in but Adam's sort of in charge This guy was trying to be artistic with an ascaf and I was just like peeing in my pants. I said I got to throw him like I wanted to throw him over the hill

Starting point is 01:36:13 I wanted to like get him right in that ranch and leave him there But you know, but he wasn't a bad guy just but you're right if you if you know What good acting is if you know, if you have a Had a vision and you know how to tell a story You you don't have to be a genius. You just have to have good people around you Like this guy wouldn't have a clue what was good. He didn't know what he was looking at It's like a lot of tv guys, you know, sometimes they're just traffic cops. They're not artists Sometimes you work with some guys that'll actually work with you at the performance

Starting point is 01:36:43 They'll fine-tune it with you and you go, okay, this guy's good. He's not just putting his cameras everywhere Not just sticking a camera It's it's about, you know having You know a relationship knowing how to talk to an actor knowing how to get a performance out of a guy That's what it's about Those are some beautiful fucking words, brother I think it was the cop sirens are starting already. Yeah, it's not afraid man. What are you afraid of?

Starting point is 01:37:14 That's gonna happen. I give you some shout out here Laurie or take uncle Joey loves you Stu Munoz, Heidi Geldes young Russ from Boston Brian O'Shea Mike Persiglia Andy Lupton James Strickland, you know, I love you motherfuckers on my heart. You bad. Sorry for that Lee

Starting point is 01:37:35 I hope everybody, you know, listen, man. I'm always optimistic. I said, they tried to scam me like two or three elections And I realized that uh as an american the the beauty about being american is that you're raised to keep on going They're gonna take more taxes, joey. They gotta listen It's a cost for making money taxes I don't want you to think about taxes is not paying them because you don't want to pay them I want you to think about it was paying them Because you're making the money to pay them and that eliminates that whole thing

Starting point is 01:38:09 Everybody in this room when they get their tax bill At the end of the year You're fucking jaw drops. Yeah, your jaw drops. You can't fucking believe it. You were a kid a couple years ago You paid 35 dollars and you marked off check and they gave you all your fucking federal and shit You know what I'm saying? What about what about when you're coming out of college? And you have all these loans and you're like, okay, I'm making 500 a week And you're expecting 1500 or something and then it comes back and it's I don't know what what what would it be? The 12 something

Starting point is 01:38:45 Three something 13 something it's uh It's killer month to month, but yeah, when you have to pay at once at the end of the years It's scary I think I finally might be able to pay it off without credit cards I hope that I haven't been in a hole at a certain age

Starting point is 01:39:14 Like I was in a hole For years, but it didn't really matter. I was in the hole But then I got involved in a relationship and I had a child And after I got separated from her I got into a hole and I remember, you know me dog. I just told you I keep records of every audition I went at I got into a hole that Every time I would redo my paperwork. I get more and more depressed because I didn't know about that world The world I came from you did something you paid for when I was growing up

Starting point is 01:39:47 I fucked drug dealers over and bookies and shit like that. I'm not talking about that stuff for some reason One day I go somewhere And somebody says to me Jordi is you have a great credit This is after years of being a fucking bandit next to tour and I find this And I go sign up for college. I'm getting more and more credit cards And I gotta be honest here. I wouldn't use those credit cards

Starting point is 01:40:15 There was one broke credit card that I rotated to get breakfast at this granola place. That was it I don't you know, I'm not a big card guy because I know at the final end You pay for that but you gotta pay for that later on. Yeah, that ain't free. See the half of america goes league Fuck this on me. Let's go get steaks And all of a sudden that check comes in That's a big number That's a big fucking number big number that's a big number That's they don't taste that good no more. That's chocolate cake. You're like, oh, Jesus. Why would I get the chocolate cake for $18?

Starting point is 01:40:51 I know, you know, so it's it's it really uh That was kept it under control and then I got divorced the attorneys to cash advances Yeah, I know and I went fucking overboard and I'm just sitting there at night like crying writing down like fucking the numbers I owe this I was gonna pay him And once you get behind that big wall, yeah It's oh, yeah It's I'm gonna tell me boy. The best is when you're behind the wall And you have an option

Starting point is 01:41:22 But you can't come to a conclusion that you're gonna have to give up that Option even though in your heart You're like, I'm not gonna lose this. Yeah Oh, I know I remember when paying 10,000 one time a month. I'm like, how did that kid like me? Yeah, I was making a few dollars Did you make paying 10 grand? It was a doorman The fuck I get off you hit me with 10 grand

Starting point is 01:41:50 All of a sudden, you know, you're you're a target Then years later the judge goes, well, what could you potentially make? I could potentially make who gots. That's what I could make. You know what I mean? I can make zero or I can make five dollars or maybe I make 500 or 5000 or 15, you know, who knows? I don't know. I'm in a business that's feast of family Once you're successful, they think you're gonna be successful forever It doesn't last well, you and I was speaking about this dad. They what are you gonna say, Lee? I was gonna say you were saying that 30 years goes by like this

Starting point is 01:42:25 But it really doesn't that like in in some ways because there's people my age buying houses I see it all the time on facebook and they're signing 15 30 year mortgages And that's a long time to be tied to a place and then you can leave But it's not as easy as leaving it like in apartment. It's That's whenever I see someone who I know do that scares me It's emotional owning houses selling houses You know, I've gone through it You know, I lost my childhood house

Starting point is 01:43:01 I didn't pay who gots there. I walked them when I wanted I left when I wanted I opened it through a fridge right it was always something that it was nice, right good country america Still the best and the house got yanked. I never really had For years never go back To the house. Yeah to the front of it. Yeah I think it's too powerful in there still I think it'll take me on a wild journey. I'll never recover from will take me months to recover from so why open up that door more 53 Yeah, it would take me three years to uncover the journey in that fucking house

Starting point is 01:43:36 But there's not like the house she grew up in right and it's like we had a two bedroom finished basement one bathroom One freaking bedroom needs a bathroom people my brothers before we survived I don't know how and I remember like people clashing. We must have all went at different times. I don't remember but Somehow it worked. You need at least two bathrooms. I don't know how we survived with one And when you walked in that smell like farts That's the worst thing in the morning farts when you walk into a bathroom when somebody took a shit Yeah, and you're the second and it still has that warmth in the air. Yeah That's why you gotta flush where I tell people flush. Oh my god, you walk in there that warmth that shit

Starting point is 01:44:17 Oh, I hate that right from the big intestine You let it out. Yeah, I mean it hits the water. Yeah, it's like two seconds of that tear gas that triples And this motherfucker didn't open the window and you walk into it Oh, I wanted to cry. I know I wanted to cry like when I used to be in prison and all that shit Nothing bothers me more than smelling that rotten shit. I know now. It's terrible It's like when you go to the airport, you go got a piss And you walk in there and you walk into the center and it's like a tornado Right eight different men's shit in the middle. Oh just sprinting around

Starting point is 01:44:52 It's bad. I know Sucking you in and you're like, oh my god, you take a piss with your hand covered. It's horrific. It's fucking horrific No, you can't I gotta run out of there It's horrific that smells so that's why I like to pee in the outside the backyard nothing like peeing in the backyard Just feels good. I don't know. It's a man It's different. I always used to pee in the yard when I was walking my dog. Yeah

Starting point is 01:45:19 I'm listen, you got the wrong motherfucker. I will pee inside if they let me You understand me if I could just get up in the middle of the night If I could get up in the middle of the night, open up my blanket with my sleep apnea mask on Take out my little dick and if my wife did not live with me I would have a bottle next to me like those hostile bottles Oh my god, and I would stick my dick in that thing and pee in the middle of the night And go right back to napping. I've done that many times I would have to ring about in the mornings for a nurse to come in and rub my legs to get the circulation back

Starting point is 01:45:53 You have to have to pee in a bottle like in a car. I love all that stuff I did it one time. I had that emergency. I couldn't stop. Nick. You're a little older You pee 82 times a day every time you drink an ounce you lose an ounce Yeah, and if you drink tonight if you drink another bottle of water tonight When you get home tonight, it's three four times you're gonna wake up And it's every time you get settled by boom And you piss and you can't believe even your wife my wife would go to me. What were you drinking last night? It sounded like a horse was pissing in there

Starting point is 01:46:26 It's like a machine gun Lee You can't figure out what you drank and you go all right. This is the last time I pee An hour and a half later. It's been happening to me too. Oh it does at your age. I think maybe Holders Lee 28 He's a young pup. He's a young pup. I've been having pee a lot. I don't know I've had my checkup. I'm fine, but Shouldn't be peeing that much at that age I don't I don't get up at night that much. No, I see that she gets up

Starting point is 01:46:58 twice a night Once and a half a night He average is like once and a half a night because one time he'll get up not the Piss he'll get up looking for cookies. He might believe he's looking for a bird To be only saying that because you know exactly you do the same thing when you wake up stone stone What do I do get cookies get the munchies Joe? Are you a snacker? I'm a fucking nutcase. I always feel like I gotta eat something. Okay, my wife

Starting point is 01:47:28 I'll tell her 18 times do me a favor. Don't buy this shit. Okay. Do me a favor I come home a week later. I open up the cabinet night What do you think is in there fucking cookies two different types? One of them is my favorite. What is it one of them will stab me in the heart over famous Amos No, uh or else. Oh, I don't know Milano Milano not Just a regular Milano She'll get a bag of that lisa. Yeah to the audience listening. I could walk past that motherfucker for three weeks

Starting point is 01:47:59 And not touch that thing I could eat 80 stars not touch I would go home at night and drink water Or maybe I'll pop a little iced tea with lemon and some fake sugar But I don't break down and drink. There's always two three four cans of Coke zero or whatever. I hate coke. It takes them for a while. It takes them to go. I'm not a big I'm done. I'm done with soda But they shouldn't my house to drink. What's the story? What's the point? I'm getting at least I had to you know

Starting point is 01:48:29 I'm waiting. Yeah, I'm waiting for the punchline. The what? We're gonna have to find out I'm trying to get from you. What's the point this story? I'm so fucking high I got two stone dudes right on the side of me They're both stone that I can't they're trying to get to the point It's all right No, what the fuck the point was but it really is what about chips you like chips remember when was a kid We used to have a potato chip, man

Starting point is 01:48:58 We didn't have money, but you had everybody had like a soda man used to come to the house Dr. Brown soda We had an aunt guy named Charles chips. They were good at coming to big barrel It's good shit, man. I was always more of a wise potato chip type of mother wise is good too I fact that when I was back east for this autograph show I had a bag of wise potato chips in my room. I was like, wow, you can't find wise out here You know, I keep cutting I'll keep cutting keep cutting bad. I like the sea salt one Um, what's the one back east that I love you can't even get it here. Oh, it's a great great potato chip

Starting point is 01:49:38 There's certain things you can't get here It's amazing that trump is close to winning and people Are locking up their doors. They're thinking for delta cobra. It's fucking tremendous. Oh my god Uh, I can't wait to see the south park episode That's gonna be tremendous unbelievable Welcome to the real world ladies and gentlemen It's 2017

Starting point is 01:50:10 At times I look at my three-year-old and I go, what the fuck what I do this to this poor girl By the time she gets to high school, this will be run by fucking people with machine guns on the corners He raiding fucking missiles from ISIS There'll be ISIS neighbors. You can only walk in certain neighborhoods. You imagine this That's a true reality the way we're going here Over here. Yeah, I know it's scary. Who the fuck I know Now we're gonna get your tv show something about cooking a roller skating show It's gotta be something for you. I'm gonna make a column. I'm gonna go to my people and see so look for your people

Starting point is 01:50:46 Yeah, you call your people for mine call us facebook people It's so funny. I don't even know anybody to see so Read the pilot. I got you in there. You'd be a regular You know, there's just so many forums I know for television anymore. Oh now it's it's not now. Um, you gotta go at the times I mean even I gotta I gotta modernize. I gotta you know get with it my son everybody's You know, you gotta you gotta get with it dad You know, you're like left you live like live in the head

Starting point is 01:51:17 What do you want to do? I just you know, he wants me to You know Give up cable. Yeah Don't be so this don't be so that I go. That's what I am. I can't be something. I'm not You know, gotta get in better shape. There's don't be so new york. Maybe you're too new york. I'm like, come on That's what I I'm too new york He's a california kid, but he's you know, he's ambitious. He's rapping. He's doing the whole cognate thing and

Starting point is 01:51:46 writing raps writing beats You know, I don't know. I don't get it all. I mean, I have an open mind you know You also need them below from time to time that's right this house don't cost I gotta pay for your school. Yeah, nobody shows up here with a fucking level. That's right And I thank you. You know, I'm trying to do a family faith based movie. I'm trying to do this movie. I'm trying to do that and Because I need to put food on the table. You know, I mean, you know, I always had a thing that if my mother stayed alive I would always

Starting point is 01:52:17 Stay home, you know the back of my mind. I think about who fuck wants to stay home When you're 20, the first thing you want to do is get the fuck out of the house, right for reasons I don't know. You know, everybody has their own particular reasons I always thought staying at home was always a good enough reason but Looking at it from a parent now with a different perspective I don't know. I wouldn't want somebody to stay home. But what does an 18 year old do in today's world To make money today

Starting point is 01:52:46 I don't know. My niece is working at a place. I didn't get the whole story She's working at a place like let's pretend Let's pretend uh leons A restaurant and the pipe broke and they're soaked the restaurant She comes in with six people And they clean every day. They take the water and put hoses and take all the Moisture out of your carpet and they had chemicals so don't stink They get it right back to how it looked before you got hit with the fucking water

Starting point is 01:53:19 I think she gets a percentage she gets like 32 percent of the job. I don't don't quote me on that. I have no idea I asked how many hours does she work since she tells me so it's like 14 bucks an hour But she just supervises now and she's moved up, you know, she works six fucking days a week though Two weeks ago. She washed up a crime scene some guy committed suicide Stabbed himself upside down or something as you clean the car You know, you can't pay me fucking through three thousand and wipe that shit up, you know So it's just uh, what does an 18 year old do?

Starting point is 01:53:59 Okay When I was growing up there was a thing called the paper route. I know I have one Yeah, the child could deliver a paper out. We learned how to have human contact Exactly and how to collect money and how to get a bonus from the newspaper people There was so many little hustles when I was a child. I know that I was gonna say I think that hustle has turned into lift To be honest, but you could make a living doing that. I mean, what's left? The drivers I'm talking about

Starting point is 01:54:31 Being 10 11 and 12 To giving him a work ethic already at that age, right? Okay, I had the opportunity To be and I had the opportunity from Within my home and I had the opportunity from People that I met that said you're looking for a summer job, right? My father's hiring people to pick up bricks For a summer now for the summer and it was a shit job, but you did it

Starting point is 01:54:57 But you did it and you and you understood and you put away A thousand bucks right for the summer and you bought clothes and you fixed the stereo in your car It's really fucking crazy. So you build them up by the time they go to high school now They know what the value of a dollar is well last year. He made me wash his car for 800 that for the summer, you know You get to learn all those jobs have gone away. There's so many things That went away That it wasn't about the money. No it was about there you go You know learning how to

Starting point is 01:55:33 The value of of something that's like the paper route So now a child his freshman year goes into school And he goes, you know what? Yeah I can't wait for this year to be over because uncle Lee Is taking me his print shop For eight weeks in a row. I'm gonna make 10 bucks an hour. I'm gonna work 60 hours a week with my uncle Lee I'm gonna make a bunch of money. I'm gonna come out in September. I'm gonna have this or this amount of money I came through the math in my head that quick and they had something to live for it away

Starting point is 01:56:04 Now that whole time is nothing. They either babysit Work at some stupid ice cream store for five bucks an hour And they gotta give a piss test and they gotta give them their fucking first born So these kids are raised with no real work ethic And now you put them in the upper market and that place drives the fuck up What are you gonna do? Work at a store as a stocker and shit like that. Don't even have those positions no more When I was a kid you walk into any place if you walked into 20 places today

Starting point is 01:56:34 You need somebody to stock shelves here One place would finally break and go. Yeah, I can use somebody you pull close in the back stocking me here Right get the size as fuck. Yeah, I do tons of people who did that you worked in the deli and learned how to slice You know make sandwiches Whatever, I don't know who I don't know what government I don't know what the republic and a democrat. I don't this is what baffles me What happened to all those little positions? That got kids ready for the fucking world

Starting point is 01:57:07 I To be honest, I think a lot of people who lost their jobs are doing it now when I was working there. There were a lot of adults who were working there and I hear more and more that people at kids in high school can't get the jobs that I got at cbs or radio shack or the movie theater I'm not sure if we could get it anymore because I think there's a lot of people who graduated college and are qualified

Starting point is 01:57:35 But can't get other jobs So they go for the job they can get It's crazy because High school I was part of Cie work study program So you got five 15 credits for being part of the program You had to be there for first class every day seven thirty You you went downstairs and you talked about different careers. What was upcoming?

Starting point is 01:57:59 What was available for you in your field by the time you got out of high school? But if you took that course You only had to take Like you out of that at 12 15 So But the requirement was you had to have your own job Or find the job to the school that was the requirement, right? So there was people like my friend whenever he hired you

Starting point is 01:58:22 Did you drive the car? No, but you washed it You waxed it by hand you vacuumed it you vacuumed the chapel You pulled out the caskets. You took the boxes off them You pulled the formaldehyde, you know, you did shit like that that It's shocking for some people. He didn't make you pick up bodies From time to time if they were shorthand Delivery pick came up Like they just picked the body up at the airport and they come back and you happen to be there

Starting point is 01:58:51 You just picked up the fucking body and went inside. It was no big deal Like you just knew when somebody pulled up you hung with venery When somebody pulled up you just got the body. What's going on, buddy? How you doing for the guy we're looking you go fresh from Kelly airport All the way from fucking Bermuda. You look at the guy. They'd be all But venery even gave you a little salary. You always had a hustle The church would give you these stickers to sell If you sold them for two bucks

Starting point is 01:59:21 You got fucking the dollar or something like that and people would buy them They don't do that shit no more So the children don't accept that that they took away the fucking paper out I know that's what this computer was whoever fucking put the computer and news They took they put that business out a newspaper business It was good. It was a good place, you know, it was good to read good to get the newspaper. I mean I missed that, you know, there's You're right the internet the web

Starting point is 01:59:53 It's too much It's just like you say we're oversaturated with everything just like with baseball. I say we're oversaturated We're back to being a little more Innocent that was the beauty of baseball I'll have to overanalyze everything. I don't need these cyber metric guys and tell me this I watched the game with my eyes That's why I tweet while I'm watching it And it comes right out of my heart That is the truth

Starting point is 02:00:25 You mean the stars too? No stars. Oh wait You dropping this straight on uncle Joey. Yeah, we how you doing over there, brother? I'm doing pretty good. I was either devil. I'm pretty fucked up How many I don't know how many we had what does it matter not really all the manners. You have a good time with uncle Joey That's it. We always have your head at the Boston. I'll be there in a few days Fuck yeah, we're doing the Wilberty which is sold out If I don't anything about uncle bill, he'll find some way to push in the dungeon and you can see it through periscope He'll do something. Oh, yeah, yeah

Starting point is 02:00:59 My uncle bill. He don't give a fuck. He'll find a way to get a dollar out of you. So just show up at the gate I'm sure there'll be something there for you. Not I'll be over at the fox woods casino In Connecticut on saturday night. How's that one for you? Maybe it is somebody's trying to get a copy that deported All right, there you go. You gotta get to the port if you want some real fucking laughs And that's it in a week after that november 18th. I'm on the what come and take it comedy festival And he was sitting there's tickets available go to

Starting point is 02:01:31 Uh, come and get it comedy festival. Stop like great stuff is going on guys. That's what I'm trying to fucking tell you We know it was here tonight. Joey Coco Diaz. He's still not a scientist One of the funniest bastards in america. The tour won't break. He's he's been approached by 15 different Scientologists Don't believe a word. He says yes, they have They tried to get me in a pool years ago. Not those the other ones are born again No, I heard they're trying to get me in there You're a good piece of me. You can be like the new tony danza. I know tony danza. Nothing, you know, they'll put your Honours the new tony danza. No, I don't want to be next year. They're gonna see me show a little girl. You must

Starting point is 02:02:09 I know you do 10 years. We break you out of that Joey Nice here nothing. Oh Oh Look at that. We need some water. Don't that means trump won. Salute. Oh my god. There you go. It's official That's the spirits talking. Oh my god Just saying to be careful. Joey go be nice. Thank you. Thank you. I'm not saying nothing negative here I'm just I'm doing it your passion. Be nice here. I'm just messing with you people here, Frankie

Starting point is 02:02:37 There you go. You got a little water. That means something's going down here That's a little blessing for your league a little water Let me give you something right there. Salute Salute Look what you did come suck I apologize No worries, you know, I love you. What are you gonna apologize? Joey loves you. Don't worry. Let me tell you something guys All right, we've been working with these guys for a year. If you look at my drawers

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Starting point is 02:05:46 Well, the text app lets you tap into the world's most popular magazines anytime anywhere Using your smartphone or tablet breathes through hundreds of your favorite magazines Including back issues and pick the articles that interest you the most Texture has made it easy for you to care About I don't get I don't just read You know rolling stone magazine The texture editorial team recommends content to me every day Plus I can dive deeper at the personalized collection

Starting point is 02:06:17 Sign up for texture right now and gain inside access to all the content From the world's best publication the best part Textures offer my listeners a free trial right now when you go to texture dot com slash joey That's right a free trial. You'll gain immediate entry into all the top magazines Including back issues and ready for this one bonus video content. If this is your world This is perfect for you. Start binge reading for free right now when you go to texture dot com slash joey And don't forget the most important thing guys. I need you guys for this There's a big favor of me. I asked you guys for everything

Starting point is 02:06:58 You know, I love you From my man Blake out there in Columbus, Ohio. I never got to tell you how much I love you Sam Blake or you motherfuckers there. Listen, I need a big favor from you guys I shot my special in Chicago Congratulations on the world series one of the best cities in the world. That's why I shot my special there I need a favor. It's just you guys December 8th. My special comes out. All right There's a channel called siso tv. It's tremendous. It's got the old sound on that live

Starting point is 02:07:28 It's got original programming It's got some stuff that won some awards. Do me a favor My special is gonna air there if you sign up today right now You're gonna get two months for free and you get my special for free And you're doing me a favor. So do me a favor Go to siso What is it dot com slash joey siso dot com slash joey impressing joey joey right now as soon as the podcast ends do this for me as a personal favor

Starting point is 02:07:58 Click on the interested in the special when it comes out watch it Call me a fat fucking pig. I don't give a fuck. You did me a favor That's why I love you because you're doing me favors. We do each other favors. You scratch my back I scratch your fucking back and we all have a good time. All right. I need you to do this for me. All right So I want to thank audit. I want to thank texture. I want to thank siso for putting my special on Please go there and get two months of freeze done right now joey And I want to thank me on these dot com and I'll see you motherfuckers at foxwoods

Starting point is 02:08:30 Saturday night. I want to thank my man nick the tour for coming down Cracking some jokes. I always love this guy with all my heart. Thank you, buddy He doesn't need these stars because we'll have a heart attack. Yeah Yeah My pleasure. We'll tighten them up. All right Looking forward to ufc. Thank you, brother ufc new york. Oh, are you going? No, I'd like magreta. All right, my man You bet him. No, I don't bet him. I just dig him I like him and the other guy dears that guy's funny too. Who else you bet me?

Starting point is 02:08:59 I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I'm starting to get into it. Were you bet me? I was I'm not betting anyone. I was wondering if you took off why they took off a shot evidence Well, they took off what Richard Evans, do you know they took him off the car? Yeah, something medical Well, they know I didn't know thank you for telling me listen guys Thank you for listening. Have a great weekend no matter what happens You still got to push through your life. It is bad as it fucking seems it ain't cuba motherfucker They're not gonna come take your house and make you buy it back. All right Thank you very much for watching and listening. I love you guys. I'll see you monday. Stay blackish

Starting point is 02:09:32 The church of what's happening now was presented by on it This show was brought to you by texture Textures the app that lets you tap into the world's most popular magazines Anytime anywhere using your smartphone or tablet The best part texture is offering our listeners a free trial right now when you go to texture.com Slash joey, that's texture comm slash joey to get a free trial Show is also brought to you by me on these go to me on these comm slash joey right now to get 20% off of your first order

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Starting point is 02:11:23 I must turn up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day If you look by my side the world will be mine for once a day With this to love I'm bound, it's my feet upon the ground to drive away With this to love I'm dead, it's the way my every friend don't run away You just don't know what you did to me, but I'm not the same I'm not the same, but since you gave me love it just up from the ground You just don't know how to make me feel, don't we love it? Girl it's on me, I've got love, love to die of

Starting point is 02:12:24 Don't you love it? My soul's on fire I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day With this to love by my side the world will be mine for once a day I'm riding on a cloud, the shot that I found in my home Baby hold on tight for the rest of my life, don't let it fall You just don't know what you did to me, but I'm not the same Since you gave me love it just up from the ground You just don't know how to make me feel, don't we love it?

Starting point is 02:13:22 Girl it's on me, I've got love, love to die of Don't you love it? My soul's on fire I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day With this to love by my side the world will be mine for once a day I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day With this to love by my side the world will be mine for once a day I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day

Starting point is 02:14:32 I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day With this to love by my side the world will be mine for once a day I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day

Starting point is 02:15:44 I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day I've turned up onto the ground and shout out loud for once a day I've turned up on the ground and shout out loud for once a day I think I would make a stands around upon a subways that far away I got this For you love

Starting point is 02:16:36 You love by my side For you love I got this for you love For you love For you love For you love Shout out loud Shout out loud

Starting point is 02:16:52 Shout out loud You love by my side For you love For you love For you love Thank you for watching! Thanks for watching! Thanks for watching!

Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #429 - Nick Turturro

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