Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #433 - Rudy Sarzo

Episode Date: November 23, 2016

Rudy Sarzo, Legendary Bass Player who has played with, among others, Black Sabbath, DIO, and Quiet Riot, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order of portable devices that spray your butt with water.    Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 20% off of your first order and shipping is always free in the US and Canada.      Seeso: Seeso is the new ad free streaming service. Bingeable comedy. Anytime. Anywhere. Use code JOEY at checkout for 2 months free.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 11/22/2016.  

Did you ever work with that Louis CK? Never. Never? No, 20 years ago. I met Louis 20 years ago in Seattle Did you guys speak Spanish because you know he was racing Mexico? Louis CK? Yeah, this is first first language Spanish. I Didn't know that. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I've been watching his show and Really impressed about his writing. It's writing has always been money. Yeah His writing has always been money. We'll talk about this in the show. Yeah, this show is presented by on it The days are back. The church of what's happening now was proud to introduce you to hello tushy comm Hello tushy comm makes portable devices that spray your butt clean with water

Go to hello tushy comm slash church right now to get 10% off It was the thing I miss most when I'm away from home It's the first thing I do when I get home. Hello tushy comm slash church Shows also brought to you by me on these go to me on these comm slash Joey to get 20% off of your first order With free shipping in the US and Canada off of all their comfortable underwear t-shirts socks and more me on these comm slash Joey I Engines pumping and thumping in time the green light flashes the flags go up Churning and burning they yearn for the cup. They definitely oh shit

And you thought you were doing a ride without your uncle Joey No, happy Thanksgiving to you Finish the flags at my little goomba and my main man Rudy saw his own studio November the 22nd kick that muley Take it out Get get that Oh Shit, what's up? What was that? That's cool base for it. That's a old like a 10 12 15 years ago

What's the name of the band again cake cake cake and they have a Couple great albums somebody left and there was a problem, but I went to see him with Felipe a couple years ago Yeah, at one of these clubs on Sunset the big one that's the theater like and they were great. They were great So what's up, Papa? Oh, just hanging happy Thanksgiving and you too. Happy sangy. We sang give it Oh, yeah, thank you. Thank you. I thought about it. Yeah Hey, you were telling the story here when you played the Palladium that night that you went from sleeping on the floor To being at the plaza you shit. Yeah, because you know, you know Sharon was not only the manager for the band, but she was tour managing and

And she had to stay and you know, I mean everybody stayed together It wasn't like Ozzie and Sharon stated in some posh hotel and then the band stayed at the motel 6 No, everybody went wherever they went. We went we traveling the bus together everything. So matter of fact, I was staying with them in Sharon's family's home in Benedict Canyon So I while I was in the band I was with them like 24 7 for like, you know from 1981 to the end of 82 you know, so Getting to the story is, you know, we we we were gonna play the Palladium the following day. We just drove in

From I think we're in Bigam 10 or somewhere like that About a couple hours away. We drove in tour bus. We got to the venue. I mean, we got to to the plaza and I Got off the bus and you know, they I check in and the guy throws me a key I went into my room and there was somebody asleep. So I went back down to to the To the guy and say hey, listen, I need another key. So he says, okay He gives me the key I go up to the room and the room is a mess The you know, yeah, the beds weren't made or anything. So we're back down again. I said, look, I have to get up early

We're doing a lot of press. We got the gig We just finished doing a gig I'm knackered. I'm tired. So he says, okay, I'm gonna give you this room, but you better check out You know tomorrow and say, okay, I didn't care So I just why follow we I went to the room and I realized I'm staying at one of the suites They have like the special suites on each corner So it's like, you know, you have like a quarter of the whole building, you know to you to yourself And it was just this 1981. I don't know the things I've changed now

But that's the way it was back then and it was just I I couldn't go to sleep because here I am and I'm thinking wow Maybe just one of these suites where the Beatles stayed when they came and playing at Sullivan so I was like having all these All these weird, you know thoughts and and I'm like rolling on the floor naked and shit, you know And so I went to the bathroom and I sat in the toilet and realized that the toilet that my ass was facing There was a big window. So my ass was facing the park, you know central park Well, who could see you on the fucking 18 but yeah, it was like, you know, four o'clock in the morning Yeah, by the time that I you know that I'm doing all this and it's like, yeah, I figure nobody's doing but it just it was

It was nuts because just a few weeks before that I was sleeping on the floor in Kevin the Bros apartment, you know So this was like man, this is totally insanity Kevin was living here at the time. And yeah, it was a right of cold water on Riverside Yeah So how long have you been walking these valley fucking streets? Oh, man, the valley the valley, you know, now I love the valley I I wouldn't want to live anywhere else but to be in the valley back in the 70s It was kind of like excommunicated from from rock and roll because when I first got to LA in 76 76 70 77 I was living right off the strip right of a Holloway and we're Halloween sunset meet right there to say this is

just a little street right there palm and Yeah, I was living there, so I would walk everywhere, you know across the street was Tower Records And you have the old world and I was working in a place called make naturals, which was a fast food health food place And we're making veggie burgers. I mean, I can make a kick-ass veggie burger, you know, I still remember how to make those and And a couple of blocks, you know, what one block down was I feel the McNasties, which now is the viper room. Yeah, and then another block is where you know, that's Where you where where the the whiskey is and then beyond that, of course, you got gazaris and you got the Roxy and the rainbow and all that So, you know, I was living in the heart of it. Now, what were you doing the daytime working and then that night you got all those clothes

Yeah, yeah, as a matter of fact We put my hair in a ponytail sticking inside my shirt and I would work at McNaturals then they will give me the key and say, okay, you lock it up and you know mop up the floor and whatever So the kids on the way to the whiskey to catch quite a riot. They will stop by order their burgers They're smoothies yogurt, whatever I would take care of them Then I will pack it up grab my base and walk all the way to the whiskey to do the gig I'm very humbling experience now, okay, so you're in quiet, right?

What were the other bands in the neighborhood that you the bands like you was out from them everybody Everybody that got signed in the 80s, man, you know, you had like Motley crew at the time. They were called London it was Nikki's band London and you had like like the boys which is basically Uh George Lynch was in the band and then you had docking like a version of docking running around. You had great white Cinderella No, no, that's in there. So there was East Coast East Coast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so basically, you know We're talking about the West Coast Sunset Strip scene, you know

Just just about everybody that got signed in the early 80s was still knocking around in the in the late 70s Oh Van Halen already gotten signed there. They were already kicking ass out there That were actually the last rock band to get signed out of the LA scene Before they shut the doors and to rock and roll and start signing. That's right. That album was around from 78. Yeah 78 I'm thinking I'm thinking fucking toward it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, they did. Yeah, they were out before that. Yeah, they were signed Yeah So it was crew. Yeah Quiet right. Well, it was it was called London London. Yeah. Yeah became the crew after that. Yeah

And then guns and roses came later. Yeah much later. Yeah, you know, I was I was I was I was doing a band with Tracy Gunn So I was I was getting my education of what happened around the early 80s because Right now I'm talking late 70s By 81 I was out of that scene even even though I started, you know I came back to what is known as the metal health choir riot I Really didn't gig around town because I was playing with Ozzie. I went from Ozzie to that band

We made metal health the record and then we won on tour So it wasn't like I was a all again, you know beating beating the you know, the sidewalks You know going from the whiskey to the gazaris and the rocks, you know that no, I didn't do that We released the record on that same week in March of 1983 We did four shows on two nights at the Roxy and that was basically In addition to Perkins Palace, which is not really considered a strip show because Perkins Palace was in Pasadena Glendale around there we did a show there for rock and roll tonight You know that TV show that yeah that they had on Friday nights. Yeah, and

Outside of that I'd say when we played at When we when choir riot played at the us festival that was that was like the only other LA area show that we did You know, we weren't really a once the album metal health was recorded. We were not a local band anymore So when does festival came that was 83 correct? Yeah, 83 you played with quiet, right? Yeah, okay I got proof I'm just thinking about yeah, the Aussie situation. Yeah, where was it by that time by that? Oh, I left Aussie right after I finished recording Speak of the devil the black Sabbath re-recordings at the Ritz in New York. I left the band

Yeah, and finished the metal health record Okay, yeah, so you stuck around that long after Randy pass. Yeah, I had a commitment I I had to finish, you know the tours and we had this this recording of Speak of the devil To fulfill, you know, I wasn't going about to walk out on them, you know, who was playing the guitar and speaking of that Well, uh, Brad Gillis. So he did do speak of the devil. Yes after that who replaced him Mike Vivi jakey Lee jakey Lee. Yeah, okay. That's what it was. Yeah, okay Holy shit

right around Speak of the devil was why I just that was it. That was it for me. I just went into a different fucking zone in my life I remember having speak of the devil and But that was it. It wasn't uh, I Think I was done with a diary of a madman Mm-hmm after diver a madman, I went out I became my own fucking madman How were you then? Like I was saying when all this went down with you guys when everything went down Okay, I you know, I grew up listening to Spanish music

okay, like when I was in 1971 I saw that movie about the funny all-stars and my head exploded. I Never ever ever liked rock music Like when I was growing up I always thought the oil some bunch of sushi compare with pillow lago some pelo You know, all that shit, you know, you raise a certain way if somebody has long hair. Yeah So in early on I started listening to like The funny all-stars sell your cruise that shit You know, like I would go to kids houses and they'd be listening to some shit and I'm going like hold on

Let's play this shit and their parents are coming to room You can't play this music in our house. You're like that like I was always two three years ahead of the other kids There was a kid who came into the podcast once I grew up with That says I still remember you bringing Richard prior into my house and our parents catching us and you won't allow in the house anymore You know, I was always one of those dudes like I my music was three years ahead of what everybody else was listening to but When I moved to Jersey, that's when I first heard Peter Frampton Frampton comes alive and I was like wait a second there might be something there

Maybe I'm being stupid and a new young crazy horse And I was like, that's okay. I think new young has short hair I could live with that if he's got long hair then I really can't run with him in shit. You know saying But I got Led Zeppelin something by Led Zeppelin made me blow and then that was it and then I went to my friend's house And I don't think we were smoking pot yet, but he played tomorrow's dream By black Sabbath, and that fucked my world up. I was like, I don't know about that music, but that shit was good And I had deep purple when we rock we rock and we roll we roll I started dabbling at it

And one day we were doing something and I had to walk home and bam, what do I see this place? Isn't even there no more on Burger Line Avenue and 79th Street It was like a little corner store next to where Kentucky not Kentucky Fried Chicken don't cook tonight called chicken delight is it was right next door to it And it was the cover the sabotage And I said, what a weird fucking album cover. Let me buy that thing And I took it home and I heard the fool of it all and I was done Then I heard hole in the sky megalomania and I was done. I was like what the fuck is this?

I gotta start smoking some marijuana now. Oh, wait a minute. You weren't smoking then. No No, I was dabbling in it I would go out once a month with my friends and take a hit off a joint and put vizine in my eyes and cologne in my mouth And you know the whole fucking thing. I didn't know it was from using and I started getting into Sabbaths not not really I started getting into Sabotage a little bit and then I bought The second one War pigs paranoid. Oh, yeah, and then I was going down to Jersey Shore

For a rendezvous with my friend stinky and John Bender and he we he everybody had a donate something So he brought the cold cuts I brought the weed and the music and I brought the first black Sabbath down there And it was just fucking blowing on my John Bender didn't like music He would drink and pass out but me and the other guy was sitting there. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. And then What would you do would you just sit there like like a like a retard just sit there like bouncing? Yeah, I didn't play a guitar I didn't bounce around. I would just sit there blown away by the lyrics. I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about man You know

It's really weird. I think when you're Spanish and you hear American a certain type of American and makes you go crazy Like it just impressed me like when I first heard Richard prior Rudy. I lost my mind I came from my house where they cursed and shit in Spanish, but I never heard nobody curse like that in that context You know saying like that had blown my mind So when I heard Led Zeppelin like I wasn't a beetle do grown up fuck that noise I was from part of Jersey that you got to be a Sinatra, dude Like the part of Jersey I'm from Sinatra'll smack the shit out of fucking Bruce Springsteen. I don't know nothing about Bruce Springsteen, but I Started going to concerts. I want to see Aerosmith with Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent was great. Aerosmith was God awful Rudy God awful 77 God awful heroin dump They broke the guitars he panna See no see been compiling. Why are you breaking the fucking amps for you guys need more practice than they've ever seen in my life? But I loved again. I had rocks Yeah, I rocked and I'm like god damn. This is a good out Yeah, and then my buddy talked me into going because you know black Sabbath is playing tonight. I was a freshman in high school It was black Sabbath with Van Halen And in those days you didn't go for a warmer back you knew to get there they 30

We ain't going for the fucking woman back But the rumor was to make sure you went for the woman back And we saw it in front of us bill wood was breaking apart doing blow Ozzy was fat He had a gut and he had a bottle of vodka up on stage It just wasn't there. You didn't have to be a music critic to know something's not right here You know at that time I'd gone to six concerts. Maybe I didn't know nothing about music that much and then

They broke up, but I like never say die and they had done something on Don Kershner's or the other one That was really good for never say die And I liked it so I liked never say that and they broke up but I started getting more more and more into Ozzy and then Like my 16 after my mother died that February I went down a 22nd Street in New York Avenue and I bought a $10 bag of THC crystal Which is basically fucking gorilla biscuits aka angel dust animal tranquilizers

Me and this other dude and I went and bought fucking master reality On the way home and I went home. I was living in my friend's house. He was out on a date I locked the room I put master reality on and the exorcist was on and I put the exorcist on with no volume listening to master reality On that fucking gorilla biscuits and Rudy says I thought my heart was gonna blow up So I just turned off the TV and never listened to master reality Till about eight years later dog if I went to a party you put master reality on I leave It's like when I hear the music from Star Trek. I have a heart attack

Then beginning of Star Trek. I gotta leave the room the old Star Trek the original. I don't like that music What music what don't you like about it? I don't know it just scares the shit out of me, all right I don't know what it is about the beginning of Star Trek. It fucks my world up. Oh my god How old were you when they came out? who You this has the Star Wars movies. I have no fucking idea Star Trek not Star Wars your fuck

Okay, the TV show. Oh, okay, but when Ozzie That whole thing blew up my mother had died I was at every day party with my friends and I sang I would have do named John Crowley What a fucking small world and John Crowley? Listen, we were at a movie theater once in Fairview You know what Fairview is they when we were kids There was a carvel there and there was a double movie theater and every Saturday night they played the Rocky Horror Picture Show and

A concert movie Neil Young the soaring man is the same Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba whatever We went there once and there was a line for the soaring man is the same or whatever the fuck we're gonna go see I Go John We got to cut this line John goes. Let me do it when we walked to the door There was an ice cream cone that somebody was eating that they put it upside down and the answer on it and shit It was already melting This motherfucker picked up the ice cream cone with the ants on

Uh-huh, and in the front of the line started eating the ice cream cone. They let him cut that nobody said two words to him You understand me We get into the movie theater and before the movies about to start I go John Go up to the front there and talk to these people tell them what's going on here Rudy he would do it he would get out and go to the fucking To the fucking Front of the movie theater and say can I have your attention please ladies and gentlemen, and we'd be in the back. Oh, yeah, how

Nobody did with this the balls this kid did We went to a party one time nice white people family And I said Rudy get a chair a crowd. He got a chair that a chandelier He fucking got a chair and he got he stood up on the thing and he pushed up the chandelier I don't know how he did it another time. We're going on the jersey turnpike in the truck And he tied a string around his dick and played with his dick the whole way down route three people were fucking swerving from how Five how have they were laughing John Crowley was crazy So at this time in my life, I hung out with John Crowley for entertainment purposes

John Crowley would take his dick out. He chased women naked Whatever you whatever mission you gave to Crowley when he had three beers in them a couple hits of wheat reefer So I'm at the end of what he does today He writes children's books He hit me up on my space about 10 years ago. Don't you gotta help me in hollywood? I got these books I can't sell them. I did the original music now Crowley you're fucking crazy When that song mr. Crowley came out that was adding gasoline to the fuel That was it. He loved Ozzy Osbourne

So by him singing mr. Crowley, so I I wasn't at the Palladium show with him The other show there was two shows like you said They threw him out Because he took his id and went up backstage and he said he's singing about me Let me in there. I gotta talk to him and they escorted him out and that was the end of John Crowley That's a true fucking story though. John Crowley. So he thought mr. Crowley was about him So he was crazy all along and a state champion wrestler. He was crazy all along Now Ozzy threw the kiss at that time. So everywhere he went people would sing to mr. Crowley. He said well, be on my local compartment

It was fucking crazy when I went through with that kid for three or four years Yeah, that reminds me how insane our audience was insane You know, well the bat the bat threw it right the fuck over and it was a real bat You know with you know, we thought it's a toy bat, you know rubber That's why he put it in his mouth, you know, it was a real freaking bat One time we were doing a show in Lubbock and this is in Lubbock, Texas This is right after he pissed on the alamo. So we were like on you know on the lookout because the The daughters of the revolution and Texas militia were

Threatening Ozzy to shoot him on stage, you know, so we kept every time he would walk, you know During the show on stage, he would walk over towards us We were like run away from him because I don't want to get shot, you know Because we thought we was gonna get shot on stage, right? So I'm doing the gig and I'm like looking around. I was like really, you know, aware of everything that was going on You know, it wasn't it wasn't about getting into the music anymore. It was all about about surviving the show You know not dying on stage And I see this frog. I thought somebody was throwing a baby

At me on stage. There was actually a bullfrog Huge bullfrog it just landed right in front of me You know upside down with his arms spread open and legs, you know, I freaked First you know because in the dark, you don't know what it is. So you look and oh, it's it's a freaking flog I thought somebody threw their kid on stage, you know, they used to I Show up with freshly slaughtered heads of cattle Trying to get into the gig with that and of course they won't let him

so, you know, our rock crew would take polaroids And bring him backstage and say, oh check this out Check what this Idiot was trying to bring him into the show But people were still sneaking shit in because somebody threw a bat on stage somewhere Yeah, the bat. Yeah, and he got rabies. I go there. Oh, what the fuck? Yeah, the head of the of the cow, you know, you know, no, it's completely fucking different. It's too big too big With horns and blood dripping and shit, you know

But then of course, you know, we used to have the the at the door That's the little person John that Was part of our stage, you know presentation for the diary of amendment tour So he had a bucket that he would drag across the stage while we were playing paranoid The the the last song of the set And they would put anything in that bucket anything that was left over food From the uh from from dinner crew crew meal

They were sticking in that bucket and then the dwarf will go across the stage throwing it at the audience slowly and And whatever went into the audience The second half of the song came towards the stage and I got hit many times by pieces of liver Gizzards Tripes

You name it, you know, and some sometimes they were if they didn't have enough Delhi, you know, she had to put in that bucket. They they would send somebody out to get some from the uh The nearest supermarket And a lot of times they didn't thaw out in time. So we'll still be frozen one time the uh john The little person he got knocked over By a piece of frozen liver That somebody threw back from the audience

He just knocked them over on stage and just they took him over to emergency and stitch him up Right in his forehead. Oh, yeah, that's crazy because when I saw you in the palladium, it was just Four dudes on stage But when I went to the meadowlands to see you when you guys came back in october After randy had passed. Yeah It was brad gillis. But now you had a fucking castle or some ship behind you. Yeah. It was a different fucking show And the crazy thing was for all my azeep things I always had good tickets, but when I got there something happened that the ticket became better

That was the only show that I had to stay like where I was at. I was like in twelfth row So I didn't get hit by the fucking midget stuff. I didn't even know he was strong. I don't even remember that Well, you know, it was a little guy So his throw was only like maybe Five rows because you got the pit and you got the rows, you know, but you would see all you know Everybody docking right in front of you, you know You know, you see like the horrified phases of people going like And they would dock every time he would throw something out in the audience. Yeah

Now again in 1970 something some fucking moron went on david lederman and ate a bicycle What? Oh, he ate a bicycle or some shit. He ate a pedal. He did something And went on david lederman and he ate when I come up and get he ate something. Yeah, okay. So now Six or three years later I'm at this fucking party and this dude comes down We played hooky and we ended up at his house and this dude comes down and he Before that I am going forward the one party we went to he took a gun out

His father was a cop. He took a gun out. He brought it down. He started playing russian relax And we all got up and left. We were like this is how great bro. I grew up in northern new jersey With white dudes that were the real deal, you know, and they and they and each one wanted out do each other So the second time he went over there was the dead of the winter and we went to his house John don't put the gun out there. All right. I promise in those days We rob a beer truck from kennedy boulevard and we bring the beer to his house and so we're like I was he I was way younger than john. I was a freshman when this happened And I went over there one day and his mother smoked in the patio

But they had a little french poodle and he used to take those little shits Little french poodle shits, but they wouldn't sweep it up They would just freeze and stay out there to go to your mother You know what i'm saying? So we would just have to go out there and kick out the little shits and one time we're out there They were talking shit and he goes how much did you damn it even piece of shit? And we're like god, you know, we he got like seven dollars And he picked up one of those french poodle pieces of shit and he ate

So now this became an epidemic while I grew up now people were doing shit now My junior year in high school six of those morons get dressed up as garbage Tremendous They got garbage cans rubber garbage cans cut the bottoms off They put underwear on they put suspenders to hold the garbage cans and then they put a lid on their head But to top it off they took strings and they tied it to mail to a little mice tails And then they took bags and they super glued it on their head and they walked it in this halloween party each with six live mice This is 1980 80

Way this is a year or two before aziz biting shit off These guys in the middle of the party Pick up the mice and start eating the fucking mice live Tails are in their mouths a friend of mine whose birthdays today might runny Who I live with after my mother died grab one of the mice Popped it in his mouth and it was eating it and you can see the tail So they all started eating mice and this shit So now my whole town is going crazy people eating shit

I went to another party one day and there was a table with a hammer with glass They were eating glass these motherfuckers did these white fucks became crazy and I loved them I grew up with them. They're my brothers. What am I gonna do? What now fucking? What do you think happens? Ozzie's gotta because my town loved Ozzie Osborne My town was 60 black Sabbath this motherfucker gotta go buy the fucking Eagles head off And now my town's looking to fucking eat dogs and fucking cats and fucking So Ozzie Osborne fucked us up in more ways than one That thing that I'm telling you about the mice

They not only did that they did that in front of 100 people in a school auditorium on a halloween party for the families Girls are crying teachers are running out It was classic shit Classic shit they talked about a few years like that they they never again that they have that party Like that was the end of that fucking party. So that's how much damage Ozzie Osborne did then he put out snow blind Which fucking sent you over again, you know what I'm saying? Thank god nobody paid attention to suicide solution one kid steve banchini He went to the george washington bridge. He got a carvel sunday

He was blind steve banchini would see you and he would say like quotes to you Like uh rolling thunder Powering rain. I'm coming on like a hurricane. That's a verse from the satanic I don't know if it's that one He would pick any song and he'd start dropping knowledge on you and one day he said fuck it He got an ice cream cup ate it took his glasses off and he jumped off suicide bridge He's like, oh, he didn't blame it on Ozzie Osborne on this family Wow the memories

Black Sabbath Rudy was that similar to your high school experience? Oh my god No My head school experience all I wanted to do was to get laid. That was that was all at memorial or four years One year memorial and then I went down to miami high. Okay You know and this is the 60s and I was overweight in the 60s. So that was like a you know I might as well. I had some kind of dc's, you know

It wasn't like not even getting laid You know chicks didn't want to hang out with me guys didn't want to hang out with me because the chicks won't hang out with them Because they're there with this guy, you know, who's like maybe 50 pounds overweight, you know And all it was is I was eating Cuban food You know, my mom was making you know Cooking with lard eating a lot of rice and I happened to be one of those guys who is carbo Carbo sensitive is the uh politically correct. It's fucks you up. Yeah, it does. You know cars. Yeah. Yeah, it does Still does, you know, but back then I don't know. It's a matter of fact. I we were living in new jersey and

My mom heard about this diet doctor. It happened to be one of those doctor feel-good type guys I was going to memorial high then so my mom and dad take me to this guy in the city And they put me in you know, take me to a room and kind of it's kind of like I went through like separate tables one of them took my blood pressure the other one, you know blood test and my weight and Then at the end they give me these bottles and say, okay, you take this who won't you know In the morning then take this in the afternoon then take this in the evening, blah, blah, blah, right

There were opera some downers basically. I had no idea. My parents didn't know they were just desperately trying to help me To cope with something that was socially Unacceptable at the time now. Nobody gives a shit, you know, but back then in the 60s was a whole, you know madmen There were there weren't even fat people in the in the whole show I kept looking for one, you know in madmen show and they I couldn't see a finer fat person because that's the way it was in the 60s, you know and So I started taking these opera some downers and I was screwed man I would go to the mornings. I would be like

You know, I was like a like puppet running around this chubby puppet in gym shorts, you know at a gym You know that we had early in the morning. We had the uh phys ed Then in the afternoon, I was kind of like going down I think it gave me another upper And by the evening it was the downers that I so I couldn't do the homework. I couldn't function. I spent the whole day Going up and down, you know And so I told my mom and she said well screw that so she got me off that but I gave it a shot. How long did you stay on them for?

Maybe a week or so It was it was terrible awful. That was a doctor In west new york or we hawking when I was a kid I didn't like needles so Somebody came to me once I go if you're heavy you go see this doctor gives you a couple shots and you lose 50 pounds And I was like, are you fucking crazy? I mean, but then I have a another friend of mine That got high one night. We were talking and she goes, you know, my sister used to be 100 pounds overweight

She went to a doctor for treatment. He gave her a bunch of shots. So It's something that you got to pay a lot of money for Who the fuck knows? Yeah, it was taboo in the 60s to be a little overweight. All right. Yeah Yeah, the girl still don't like like it's not like girls love that now and when I went to high school It's uh It's it's always been terrible. I think I think I might be alert I went for allergy testing when I was really young

I think I'm mildly allergic to wheat and all that stuff. Sorry. I probably should stop eating bread and All that. Yeah. Well, actually I'm I'm gluten-free now and it's really helping with with my allergies Really? Yeah. Yeah, even though I just had a bunch of gluten in that box But it's not something I eat every day, you know, that that's gonna go out. What's gluten in that potato? No, it's not the potato is all of the other wheat all the wheat stuff in it You know, like oats and wheat and barley like if you drink beer, there's a lot of gluten in it, you know It's not for everybody. It just works for me, you know, and I'm not a celiac neither. So I've seen have you seen Dean Delray lately?

Yeah, no, it's been a few months. He looks beautiful. Really? He eliminated sugar from his diet Yeah, okay. I think that You know, you hear about all bullshit diets, but I think that right now That's a popular one. It's working for a lot of people. Yeah. I have another friend that died not diagnosed with cancer Two years ago. Well, he looks beautiful. I just went home and saw him and gave him a hug And he goes, all I did was eliminate three or four things from my diet sugar being the number one thing And he goes, I'm stable the treatment's taken. I'm alive. I'm breathing. I'm working. I'm working. I'm eating good He goes, but that's sugar. Once you get to a certain age, it's not even good and you'll see the difference

Immediately immediately But sugar's in fucking everything Rudy that that period that I'm talking about, you know in the 60s when I was overweight Uh, you know going through a Cuban diet everything had sugar in it Everything, you know, everything that was that I that I consume has sugar, you know And if it didn't then you added the sugar My parents, I mean my my my mom Still adds a lot of sugar to anything, you know Let's say if you have a cafe con leche over the counter and they and it's sweet already

It's ready to go. No, she's got to put a couple of more sugar You know packets in there in it. I always had a big I see it in my daughter now I see the pickiness or maybe everybody's children is picky with their diet But I see the different shit She's attracted to You know, it's good. She likes pasta, you know, she likes hot dogs I give her sabre and hot dogs. I keep that in the family Um, she likes mac and cheese. My wife makes it fresh for her at least

It's that out of a fucking box the school wants the little lunch cups and it makes me go fucking crazy, but Uh It's so weird how I I was fine till I was around 10 or 11 Rudy And then at 11 I got hooked on my dead bot with lechicon inside That's that's and that's condensed milk the shit that comes in the can Cubans drink it with a soda called mateba. Yeah, and it's mateba is very healthy for you. Believe it or not It's yet by mata or something like that. Yeah, and it's made of these fucking herbs and it's pretty fucking good for you But not with two fingers of condensed milk

Every night before you go to bed Yeah Like I did it every I got addicted to it Like I had to go home and do it every night and I watched the honeymooners And the odd couple and they would zap me up and then by 12 30 I nappy nunu And one day I was like 12 or 11 and a half and I was fat as fuck And I and and this was going to karate Like I was a karate buff at that age like something had happened to my body like drastically

And also I started playing basketball And I started jerking off and that shit went right off and I got really really skinny and I was like, okay So I went through a phase It just didn't stick around by the time I got to the seventh grade. It was gone Yeah, it was right before what cubans call a death at this I throw you It's called when you start getting hair and yeah, you start coming and you start getting the deeper voice Right right then I do pretty I dropped 60 fucking pounds and that stuff was gone Yeah, I was playing basketball and it didn't come back till I was 30 fucking eight or some shit, you know 30

36 or something till I moved to los angeles Yeah, yeah going back to leche con ensada, you know, that was a staple in my family We had that a can in the refrigerator. Everybody has a can with aluminum foil on top of it And you just like with two holes. No, I would never drink it. I would never drink it. I don't like Well, you could put it in a spoon too. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. No. Oh, you never did that. No, that's the best No, that's the best a pulso and what is it and it tastes like what? Tastes like heaven sweet milk. Yeah awesome

Oh, Jesus It's like caramel taste. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's what you know No, no, no, no, no, no, I wouldn't I wouldn't and I don't like uh, yeah Oh dulce de leche, you know, there's a little pastries dulce. It's the same thing. It's like a condensed milk, but into like a brownie Hey, los tres leches You know, those are the postres, you know desserts all that see I grew up with natilla Natilla, which is that'll kill you. Yeah, that'll fucking kill you. That's eggs Sugar and butter whipped with cinnamon on top bit more fucking sugar. Yeah

Flans i'm a flan dude. I'm on a tea dude my fate my Listen, my number one Went with my mom. I never had it after she died There's natilla with entomians pound cake in that motherfucker and you let it get cold for a little while and you put the cinnamon when you pull it out Come on now Come on now merengue. Merengue. I wasn't allowed to eat merengue. It's white. So I would it was to get me sick I'm not a merengue guy. I'm none of that I'm a natilla, dude

pastelito pastelito I don't like I like a white hour, but I don't like cream cheese I like cream cheese on my bagel with locks. I like cream cheese. Yeah. Yeah. I just listen Another way to get fat is yava with cream cheese a cracker after every dinner Whatever you eat for dinner At the end of the dinner buy yourself the long yava and get yourself a thing of philadelphia cream cheese And get cuban crack if you want to gain weight

Listen, if you're skinny as shit, I could hook you up right now I got the diet for you right now Rudy and I got to talk about the cuban diet. All right The cuban diet consists of you open up with not a cup of coffee or not a Well, when you go to when you go to starbucks, what's the big one the grande? Listen that grande cafe. That's a cuban's piss on their first piss My mom had a tub. It was a metal tub That that's all she used for coffee. It had to be 20 ounces before anybody ever thought of drinking 20 ounces

But here's the weird thing. It was that shit. That's really sweet. Yeah, that should kill you People drink an ounce of that and see the devil You follow me. I did that every day. Oh god. I did. I swear. I did it my my breakfast was net cafe You know, okay, which is instant coffee instant coffee with one of those tumblers that you're talking about But this one this was a glass because I wanted to see The sugar that I would pour in it kind of like, you know, get to the bottom It looked like an aquarium, you know, when you have like the sand on the aquarium with the fish swimming, you know So it's kind of like that effect. So once it collected like around maybe half an inch of sugar in the bottom

Then I stirred it then I would take Uh bread white bread, you know, like wonder bread and No butter. Oh wait, I'm getting to that Uh, you listen this is the time where they came out with uh with the uh with the liquid liquid butter squeeze butter Squeeze butter. So I used to make like these signs, you know, I used to get like, you know, get creative with it

Making like little faces and then I will fold it and dunk it And until it went all the way down to the bottom And then I was ready to go to school. How much bread would you do that? Just A whole fucking loaf of freaky soly a loaf of Cuban bread with butter Dipping it in your coffee like an animal and in between the eats drinking that same coffee Because the butter drips now stays in tea 20 pounds in one week guaranteed with the Cuban diet

That's the one division then your division is the steak with the egg on it Over rice cut up with the yolk melted over everything. That's pure disgust with lard with lard. That's pure disgust Yeah The lunches I really like I like the lunches the lunches were I like I like an avocado salad with onions Well, that's a lot of what I think Just avocado sliced thin With raw onions and vinegar and oil. I like that already a little bit of bread. Yeah, but that's a side dish

That's a oh, yeah, that's an appetit reef, you know, that's a pie. That's whatever. That's an opener That's like the five stars we did My mom always had this theory that if you're going to be asleep for at least eight hours You might starve. So you have to have una made anoche Sandwich I bought one for my wife before you went to bed Just to keep you from starving to death. You believe that lean It's a little smaller Cuban sandwich of a different type of bread. Yeah, and a little a little pickle And a little pickle so your body doesn't work that hard

Because if you have a big meal dog, it's ridiculous how much how fat I could be right now If I lived in Union City still It's fucking crazy I wish I was Spanish of some sort. It was Because they're amazing like the park that park I got with Becky was amazing I might cry when I tell you this story. I might fucking break down because I've been holding it for I watched those 80 episodes of celli And it took I realized I didn't lose my mother. I lost my mother and that world

I lost my Cuban world I lost my Cuban world that there's a big thing when you lose a world I lost People's houses that I could walk into and I trusted their food. I knew what they cooked I knew what days they cooked it on. You know what I'm saying? When I knew I knew Rudy's mom makes little Bobby on Thursday I'm gonna call I'm gonna call for Rudy and even if Rudy's not home. She's gonna invite me You know

I missed that whole thing, but I'm gonna tell you what I missed the most And you don't know in your life what you have until you lose it My mom was what do you call those people from Cuba? She was a waheeda That made that they made money But her actions were waheeda, but they were with all heart which meant Rudy If you had to get up at eight because you had to meet Randy and rehearse My mother would walk in your house at three in the morning Really damn, but you know that I gotta get up on that. Oh, yeah get up

They came over it too while you were sleeping and made Fresh black beans and rice, you know, they cooked the goat They got a few steaks and they got a bunch of the chorizo or whatever And you used to be bothered like why would you wake me up to do that? And you go downstairs and there was Cubans laughing that Cuban music on it's three in the morning But to them it's two in the afternoon. Everybody does this. Do you understand me? Like that's two my mom used to come home from the bar some night. She was tired She came home and gave me a kiss and went to sleep

But all night she brings six people over and it was longotanchila out two in the morning So at four my house smelled like it was lunchtime and she'd wake me up and goes until the other thing I cooked longotanchila with raw mario with yellow rice and fried bananas There's people downstairs and I'd walk into my kitchen at four and there'd be six people drinking beers Eating, uh, you know, she'd make like Cuban crackers or prosciutto on it and shit And I go Jesus Christ her and my stepdad would have these parties at three in the morning We call them comelata, you know, you just And it went and it just lead. This is not just a salami sandwich

This is somebody who comes home at three in the morning and makes a four course meal One meal is enough like my stepfather's specialty was got bon sofrito Let me tell you something. Let me arguments. I got with him over got bon sofrito. Hey, when he's gonna make something different Today everybody right now. I would give this hand To have those got bon sofrito The way he would put the chorizo in it. He would cook it and that's clay thing Lee

Jesus motherfucking christ He put it with some franks hot sauce at any age if my if my stepdad made that my mom would let me drink a loam, bro You know what I'm saying? I can have a loam, bro But as long as you have got bon sofrito langote and chila or During lint tamale and cassuela when they put the little lobster meat in there the little ham whatever the fuck that was Tocino. Oh my god, Lee. You have no how much weight does that put on you tamale and cassuela? I

It's uh that whole lifestyle I really have to watch in that show It kicked my ass for a few weeks really Because I realized what the fuck I lost I lost a certain sense of humor I I lost a certain sense of speaking to people When you're in that realm I had my mom's bar where I could go in there. I could drop a couple bean guys

He make I would call you tomorrow But the realm I hung out with I had to walk in there and ask him for that blessing That's something that I don't I don't live in that world no more. Oh, yeah. Miss Arzo and this young guitar really No, can you tell me a but I'm coming across a get out, you know that I had I was one of those guys rudy Trust a lot of trust a lot. No, no, no, I had I was one of those guys that was raised religiously Catholic But in Cuban terms, yeah, so when I came to your house I would ask your dad for his blessing, but he's shown mr. Cecil totally

What the house on Tony there was no cocoa Those people didn't call me cocoa. That's what those other Cuban people called me But the kids I hung out with they were decent Cuban people The people I grew up in they gambled they sold blown they took numbers They were nice people But I was involved in two different worlds when I was a young kid those geeky kids I went to karate with from union city That's how you had to speak in their house

How those people in Celia talk Come on tell me in your went again, you know, when you go, what do they say you're on the way out the door those Cuban people? It's a fucking sermon It's a fucking sermon on the way out the door Really, if you take leave It's five five minute god bless you my mind still does that it's like it's like our goodbye is longer than our conversation Our conversation. Yeah, goodbye and then god bless you La ley la que te lo camino, you know, my god, you're sitting there. That's the other world

I grew up with that a lot of people don't know I couldn't speak the way I did in front of my mom's friends In fact, I had a family who threw me out of the house Lord is Ramos our mother asked me to leave the house because I said to her you're single You don't look too bad. Why don't you go out and get a husband? She goes nobody's ever spoken to me like that Get out of the house. I was 12 When did you say this to her after like she gave you cookies in sixth grade? In the sixth grade, I like this little fucking Cuban girl. Oh my god So on Wednesdays, we used to always I went to school in North Bergen

So on Wednesdays, we don't walk to union city To get to be part of a pottery class If I wanted to get in with this girl I had to go up there and make a fucking statue every week with like a bunch of black kids in union city That were bused up from jersey city. So it was me lord as It was uh, this other Cuban girl the Cuban girl I had a crush on and a friend of mine would all go up there on Wednesdays and make figurines And one day it was snowing or something the lord is invited us up and we went up

Lord, this was a cute a cute Cuban girl, but she had a thick mustache Even the sixth grade that motherfucker was yoke jack. It was like Lee's mustache in the sixth grade But she was cute and fucked but nobody had the balls to tell her lord is you got to bust out the Gillette You know what I'm saying? She lived on 26th street In county boulevard on the first floor You couldn't break into a house unless you were gymnast. It was one of those first floors Like it wasn't right there off in county boulevard, but you could call for her

And in those days, nobody was having sex guys at least I wasn't it was the farthest thing from my mind I just wanted to hook up with this skinny girl and like make out with her You know in the sixth grade to get him out. Yeah, as they called it. Yeah, you want to make out with them and hold hands and But I never dreamed about having sex with nobody in those days and the one day called for whatever we all went over house I'm looking and the mom was banging If lord as was 12 The mom must have been like 31, but on fire Ruby she was on fire at that age. I looked and I'm like boy

I see the winches that go to my mom's bar. You do great at my mom's bar You'd walk out of there with three killers. What are you doing sitting at home every night with a bible? I said, you know, I'm looking too bad. You might as well go out there and shake it I'm burying like that. I'm just told me to get out of the fucking house And after that I learned the two types of humans You know a couple years ago, I still have a great cuban friend of his family is in pasadena and I brought up Mom afro cuban music to the house for christmas

Really, they almost had a heart attack Really, they almost had a heart attack They don't like anything Black there's two types of cubans. Yeah, there's two types of cubans And that's the cuban i'm talking about I always had that crazy cuban side. I could tell you, you know, I grew up a crazy fucking white It was the kids I was involved with And how I had a behave in that circle

Those kids didn't get high Those kids didn't even think about getting high. We used to all go to karate together and we were geeky kids and Three of them were going to join the marines, you know, those are the cuban kids. I grew up with It's fucking crazy God knows where they are. There's one kid who Still talks to me. He's got a sex slave Me and him have been friends since the bruce lee days His father

I know pinot from sakin heart school for boys Because I went to sakin heart first But then they put pinot in there first because pinot's father had an air-conditioned business And he fixed my mother's air conditioning at the bar Pinot's father did a couple bumps. Everybody knew this. So me and pinot became friends the front For pinot hang out with his dad. You'd have to come to the bar and me and pinot was you pool Play pinball and go to bruce lee movies But then me and pinot ended up in the same grammar school together me and pinot loved each other

And then me pinot and uncle mikey like a retarded kid. He was like 19 when we were like 12 We let him hang out. He was a pervert that never made it But he was a great kid mikey had a basement and we could do karate down in his mother would always yell at us Get the fuck out of there. You're a bunch of losers You never got about the nothing mikey It was me pinot mikey. This is a different period in my life. We studied karate On 39th street and bergen line At fujiapai academy above the bottom of the barrel and carvel

Bottom of the barrel lee is a big-time old school mafia bar where henry hill hung out there And the corner was carvel. But what makes this better was down the corner was glu 28 Okay, and next to him was dot. Dock cortina Okay, but the secret about clump's intellectual was that it was owned by willy rendy Willy rendy I told you this his claim to fame Was that his grandfather was the dude and godfather too had a big dick. You see godfather You don't remember. Yeah, of course. Yeah when he comes out

They take him to cuban when he finds out fray they'll betray them They're at a cuban joint where the cuban had a big dick Well after that movie came out willy vandies claimed the fame was that that was his grandfather And he had a big dick too So during the week he had bands and salsa and hanging at night But on saturdays once a month it was willy rendy. He would do a sex show in there by himself We would pay off the cops and nobody would show up We'll do it like a solo act sex show. I was probably

I'm probably fucking 11 or 12 I know I know nothing about this, you know saying like I'm probably maybe 13 really you're about to okay my stepfather. I don't bully that Which means he was a bookmaker and his office was on 57th and and Hudson That's the heart of the cuban neighborhood. They had their bindi They had another cuban bar that a florist shop. They had a butcher shop These are all cuban born. These are all cuban businesses, but they were really fronts for not drugs in those days

strictly numbers was that Union city or was new york west new york So how far from public school number five or or memorial was that right around the corner from memorials? 56 is there was memorials right around the corner from this. This is the heart of cubanville There used to be a cuban restaurant on the corner the guy's name sister His name was new addo and his sister ran that I mean great cuban sandwiches great cuban food. Yeah Yeah, I live on Hudson avenue. Hudson avenue was the heart of cuba. Yeah, brindy was on That was a bar on 52nd street cuban bookie joint

Then 57th street was a brindy and then like into like 36th street was another cuban little neighborhood there and the guy's name was boyo trite That means sad pussy and he read that bar there so my stepdad Lent money to fucking this is hysterical My my stepdad lent money to willy vandy Right when he lends money for points So one night i'm bitching about something because in those days i went to catholic school

And I would come home on thursday nights and I always wanted to go to the movies, but I did something I was punished so part of the punishment. I got stuck with him And he didn't like my mother's bar. He would go early leave and then come back And sometimes he didn't come back. So one night he goes come on Take a ride with me. Thank you for the light and ice cream. Let's go try the money from willy vandy And I don't know what's going on now at this time. I knew willy had a big dick Once I found out he had a big dick. I didn't really was his friend no more. You know what I'm saying Like I'm like I'm like 12. I don't want to be friends like I was got a big dick. Why I don't need that in my life

So I take the ride to fucking 38 street and we there was no parking We were gonna go get ice cream first But there was no parking because that's friday night saturday night and how and that That bottom of the barrel that mafia joint was bad. So we had a park close to club 38 There was parking so Club 38 was on new york avenue. So we're walking up and we walk in there. You had to like knock a certain way, you know like And then somebody would knock back and then you had to knock and then they'd open the door You want to eat the top of dung and they let you in and I was like, you know, whatever

And I walk in and it's like a comedy show There's like 250 people And they're standing there with cops and everybody's drinking and they have my cuban music on nobody's dancing And also when I walk in with one the lights drop Right Lights drop and all of a sudden you hear like a little wawa and call me was like It's not like dung like it was just beautiful And all of a sudden they bring like this chick that doesn't want to be there like she's like she's like getting raped

But not really no, I'm a donkila. No, you know, we never had to and they tire on the pole and shit And she drops their hands and knees and then willie would come out with a mask and like a cape and shit And they were like and people like And the lights would drop and sometimes the bulb would go out because it was a cuban dude He didn't know how to run the lights and shit. This is fucking craziness And dog willie opened up his cape like three feet away from the woman And he started like shaking gyrating his hips and people were clapping And I didn't want to look willie, you know, I mean really you don't want to look at a man's dick, but fuck it

You know, you must look it's right in front of you willie his dick had to be three feet long But it was like It was like a tail a skinny tail But here here's what I always thought like for years and baffled me like how would you get your dick that way? And then I watched anthony bordain when he went to hua the one time And they saw a guy who was bending steel. Did you ever see that episode?

He's trying to bend steel and the one cuban says the other When I was a kid that was a big word That means you're burnt like when I was a kid the big word was like you smoke marijuana Like your head would get long like if you smoked pot that was the fear it wasn't nobody Reagan that came out and said don't smoke pot. It was cuban people that would tell you Oh, if you smoke pot, you're gonna burn out like the Beatles. You're gonna get long hair and shit What was I talking about really? I'm talking about the guy with the steel the guy with the steel. Okay, so I I thought about cuban people

And I thought about how this guy would make his dick that big And I can picture him and like three of his uncles and cube on the farm Like since they all had the reputation of having a big dick like I thought about like this is the only way Because you know how cuban people are they all have a reputation of having a big dick all those years like And they'll brag about it at parties all your life. I mean, I mean, I think I'm gonna do like a pile That they all got together and just stretched it and just pulled on like pull pull and you And they just pull pull pull because his dick wasn't not like my dick at the age was bigger. It was thicker His dick something had happened to it

Like by the thing it became like a little push like a belly button And then it was just like they twisted it around like a ponytail like it was I had never seen that and it was not a prosthetic. I saw it with my own eyes I have to about a minute or two dog I just ran out of there crying and we went to carvel and that was I never told nobody about that story till about five years ago Oh Oh my god No, I I I said the word give it out because like

Back in the day again in cuba, you know, like if you force yourself Let's say if you pick up something and it was too heavy you would get like an una ennia Take it after which means that one of your testicles would like blow up and get like really huge And that was like a sign of being cut out I think you gotta hurry it right now But it's been like that for so long. Fuck it Leave it like that. Why why fix it if I ain't broke it, you know what I'm saying? That's the problem with people is then you find other shit out and you get mad at yourself

What's up, Lisa? Yeah, my brother Good to see you really saw so liane saying No This is insane. This is insane. Love it. What's up, buddy? I was just Do we finish up with the sex slave? It was just oh, no, oh, pino. So pino. Yeah, pino. What happened? I'm pino. I grew up with pino till about Maybe the age of brucelly died in 73 me and pino were heartbroken Like we were heartbroken me pino and big mic were heartbroken. I'm not kidding you mic was like a 19 year old

Something was wrong with him But he was kind of there and he studied karate with us all different all three of us went to the same karate school But they went to different karate schools on the weekends or some shit because they had mom somewhere else like that their parents were divorced So it was really interesting to hang out with these guys growing up and things happening all sudden I did a couple movies and one day I got an email It's my man pino And he's living in jersey wants to talk to me calling you I picked up the phone This has to be maybe a year after the longest yard. I pick up the fucking phone

Pino, what up? Oh my god. Let me tell you what happened But he told me because you need something my father done living the air conditioning business And fuck it. I sold it and I made a few million dollars and everything's beautiful in my life He goes you need anything and I go no, you know And he goes do you want to do breakfast lunch or dinner? I go I'll do let's do breakfast tomorrow. I go meet me at the fort lead diner. So I meet him at the fort lead diner He looks beautiful. He's still a handsome kid never gained a pound He always was a cuban that was tan with blue eyes sitting next to the table

We ought to open your eggs by the way and in between the conversation he goes, listen, man I don't know if you're interested. I have a sex life. I just she's been living in my basement for years I gotta tie it up and shit. He's telling me this whole fucking story He goes in fact, I gotta bring her an omelet You know He's telling me all this shit and I'm like, oh, listen, brother. I can't I can't I don't want to be involved He goes, no, it's all legit She signed she signed paperwork. I put away money and that's girl for

And in two years, you know for two years. She belongs to me I could fuck up my friends could fuck whatever you want to do if you want to come on with your cook Where's she from? I have no I didn't I stopped the conversation Rudy I didn't want to know I didn't know if he was a fed, you know, listen. I meet you for breakfast. You're talking about a sex slave two different I meet Joe for oatmeal and you start talking about sex slaves, you know me rudy I got asked for the check. I can't have that that early in the morning. Were she with him on the leash or no

He goes, I was gonna bring you back to the house to meet my kid I go, so how the fuck he goes. No, no, no, my kid don't know I I tell my kid that she can't go She's a tenant only I'm a lie down there. I got keys. I gotta tie it up. That's how she likes to be tied up at all And that was it. I didn't ask if she was good looking I didn't ask what nationality she was that had nothing to do with me rudy Was there like a nuclear plant near your town like I don't understand your It's like a three hour drive from where I grew up And it just couldn't be more different now

I went to Not Miami Fort Lauderdale about two years ago and he showed up and I asked him He stood up the sex slave. He goes, no the contract ended And he was howling him and this kid were howling Unbelievable You know Do you think All the crazy shit that happened in a lexilio

Was a continuation of crazy shit that was happening in the island or do you think people just Lost it when they left the island and all of a sudden they find themselves in a culture clash They know what you know, they know what the environment how to deal with it and they just started like doing crazy shit You think that's what happened To Cuban people or any of the nationality at least I I had a more Outside of the box experience living in new jersey that I did when I moved back to Miami, which is closer to

You know to Cuba, you know, it seemed to be a little bit more Or kind of like the same pattern That we had living back in Cuba in Miami, but moving to new jersey. That was a whole different experience Do you think that had a lot to do with it for free for your experience being so far away from From the belly button now. Okay. So now here I am. I'm living in 205 west 88. My mom has a bar. She's successful. She's got money at the time. My dad left the money They had the restaurant up the corner from willy randy to be honest with you My mom had that up the corner from club 38 now today. It's a refrigeration place

Well, there's some refrigerators for restaurants. That was a restaurant called el ok That my mom and my dad owned In the 50s before for doubt It was a little restaurant. They sold Cuban sandwiches Cuban coffee and they made money because it was Robert Fulton. What is it? Uh, Robert Waters It was Robert Waters. Whatever that school is right. I mean right. It's like they owned listen to me It's like, you know that building across the street right now. Lee, right? That's the high school My mom owned the funeral parlor a little coffee shop

And that was their front for the numbers The numbers was their big thing When my father got here he got here before my mother And he teamed up with these Jewish dudes and they started pushing heroin when nobody knew this is the early 50s Because the he spoke their language. So he was the interpreter So he took a piece of that money and started opening up businesses He opened up that business that he closed that he opened up a bar on 29th street called every law And that was bands a restaurant. That was the real deal

I mean two doors down from speakerman's bakery. Those are the jews when you're living next to jews You got to be making moves, you know, I'm saying especially in 50 fucking though. They opened up the restaurant probably 61 60 Oh, that's that's a they had taken over this small little piece But at the same time cubans were taken over a small piece of miami So in the winters, I would spend them in in new york city

But the last week of july I would shoot to miami to 130th and 130 100th avenue on the southwest by monkey jungle And this is a complete different. Yeah, kendo. This is a complete different world for me My godfather at the time was a construction guy He was a little deep then he was a member of the chamber He he had two daughters and a son Very very successful Uh

newspaper articles he would take that it when we used when I was a kid I would get on the fucking Bulldozer with him And I would see the fucking lizards and the snakes and the fucking animals He would go to that property when it was still a swan dog And then they would lay the thing and then he would build the first house and then he moved into the first house And while he lived in the first house, he built four more houses that were duplicates of those houses going to be seen now You know a tremendous backyard with a lemon tree and orange tree and a finca whatever they called it and bland

So you had this big property. So as a kid, I would shoot down there the last week of july Now when I went down there I go to redberry's baseball camp And I live under my godmother's rules, which was no cursing Very religious They didn't talk about what I talked about up there But redolpho I knew from my mom's conversations that redolpho was from the same world my mom was from So at night I would sleep with redolpho

Because him and vivian never slept together anymore because he would snore at night So he had a king-size bed back there. So we would in miami in those days. This is 71 72 you already in miami? Okay, the tv would shut down at midnight or one o'clock But the last show would be mission impossible And after mission impossible And the tv would shut off really so so And he would say go go beat with it and mean him would get dressed and we'd take a ride to a

uh a place that La marquita And they would sell beers and milk and butter and it was a drive-thru drive-through. They still have it. Jesus christ lisa yet You understand me lisa yet? And the beer was elite. Listen to me crazy The hotter it was lee outside and the more humid it was

That fucking cuban dude and that hut knew that beer had been under ice for 12 hours lee You couldn't even hold it. It was so cold. God and I'd be 10 and he'd buy me a fucking Budweiser And I'd drink a Budweiser and I'd get a little drunk and shit And then he'd take me down to some fucking dock And we'd get on a boat and he'd go out and then he'd pick up bales of weed And I make believe like I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't know what was going on He put him on the boat And we'd drive back he'd lock up his boat

wow And we'd drive back to the house like nothing happened and on the way back he goes, you don't understand this between me and you My kids don't have to know nothing about this And then he would tell me stories about him and my father growing up in cuba with tony perez from the Cincinnati Reds And how well I'm up below them when your dad died it broke my heart and I had to move and He would cry he would break down and cry and we'd go back to his house It'd be like 5 30 in the morning the sun would come up We lay down for 10 minutes and Vivian would make fucking eggs and bacon. It was like a nothing happened

And I'd do my shit with the kids. She would make us do homework from 9 to 10 that she would assign Oh, no, no, no, you had to play the piano So it was too I'd lived I lived like an undercover life a cuban undercover life. You understand me I knew what was going on, but I didn't know what was going on And then he ended up shooting some dude and everybody he went away to that land and then his kids found out I still keep in touch with the kids as best as I can. In fact, I was thinking of calling the the son today I was thinking about So

Those are the cuban worlds. I lived in But All those families like I said those early families of kids I grew up with in union city Those kids showed me the other world and how the polite they were And how they couldn't speak that way in front of their mothers, you know what I'm saying? Like I couldn't speak crazy in front of my mother But she wouldn't talk like regular moms like I would never bring my mother in public already Like I would try to avoid my mother going to school as much as I fucking could

Because she didn't know how to act She was a fucking waheeda, you know what I'm saying and to make it worse a waheeda with money With jewelry hanging off and you saw this thing today at the house He saw the fucking thing when I was three my sister sent me a picture from cuba of me and my mom when I'm in three I got a suit on rudy. There was your mom. Yeah, and she was there holding me with a mink hat on who wears a mink hat 1966 You know what I'm saying Not even black people had a mink hat on those fucking days And the chain around her neck with the big fucking sento abacum

Asawachi and a tremendous gold cane like a little cool j who does the type of shit, you know what I'm saying? I saw the ankle bracelet and my neck has stood up Because when I was a kid no women had ankle braces She would have a gold fucking bracelet with like a thing hanging on who wore that shit, you know what I'm saying? So I grew up and all that stuff and all those businesses In those days were all cuba known rudy And you had to behave a certain way in those places. You had to act a certain way when you walked in those places You couldn't be in there giggling and shit

the other day I'm flying okay And there's a kid and there's a girlfriend And I believe I thought of you. I didn't think of you in this way Lee I just thought of you because I wanted to tell you on the podcast and I forgot Because of where what culture I come from Okay

It's six in the morning. Okay. I know it's fucking early, but you got to pay attention People get shot every fucking day. You got to pay attention This kid and this girl are fucking around but obviously there with a guy That the kids got to be I kept clock them at 24 the girls got to be about 23 and the old man's got to be about 60 As we're walking I see that that the two kids are walking more and more distance from the old man I see the old man reaching his pocket. I'm walking slanted behind them And he takes something out. He goes back. He takes something out and as we get to the tsa agent

The tsa agent goes Take it and fucking ID And by that point the old man walked up with them. He looks at the boat and he goes And I remember what that word meant in my culture at that age tell him really what it means eating shit It you shit, you know, it's eating shit really is when you black out in life Like I didn't see the kid running from out of the car You were fucking around texting you were doing something you were not supposed to even be doing You're at my restaurant. Sit down straight and look straight ahead

You don't need to touch nothing in those days. If you touch something they'd say no, don't get out. Don't say cool Like if I were gonna if I were gonna her name this restaurant, I wasn't allowed to touch the condiments He would tell me 10 times. Oh, yeah, don't touch my condiments You don't need to touch my condiments for no reason at all. I don't want you touching the sugar I don't want you touching the salt You're sick of a kid's throwing away like the way I and then pinot's pizzeria came Pinot's pizzeria was on 22nd bergen line avenue a tremendous fucking cheese slice Wait a second. Wait a second. Is that pinot the sex slave? No, no, there's a complete pinot

So that's why we would always go in there with pinot When pinot open we go in there with pinot buses But with a real pinot, please stand up and they will get pissed off. What pinot for family I'm pinot. I'm from cuba. There's no italian named pinot tremendous Then pinot's pizzeria Listen, you go to pinot pizzeria take the pepper and throw it against the wall. There was another day there You know saying but up to You can go

You can go in there and throw the pizza and say fuck you pinot And that was another day in our life of those fucking savages But two blocks up at ananda's Cuban restaurant You had to act like a gentleman Because the old man Would fucking fuck you up and everybody knew it. He would fuck you up He had a reputation of dragging people down bergen line and across the street was the busters

This is so fucking crazy to me like how talking to you brings all this out I forgot when you walked into and we started talking about the palladium I thought about What I was going through in my life at that time And what seeing that ep meant to me at that time Like my head blew up And now I see you here and we're eating and we're fucking around. It's Thanksgiving week It's fucking crazy really so it's nuts. It's nuts

I'll never forget my my first Sanctivity in Miami, you know, because you know coming from Cuba. We didn't have that. We had no chihuena and that was it, you know So Sanctivity was like and why does this Sanctivity is all about, you know Then you get to know about the pilgrims and the indians and all that right But we were Cuban refugee You know our first Thanksgiving was 1961. We had we were fresh Fresh off the of not of the boat but of the pan american airlines We landed in september or november. That's it two months later, you know right after my birthday you had Sanctivity

And so my mom, you know, we were getting army surplus food at the time all the Cuban refugees We did which meant that my mom every couple of weeks she would go with with us the kids She would take one of those one carrito, you know, like the little carts that you put Stuff in, you know Like your groceries or your laundry and stuff and drag it down, you know for about four or five miles To the place where you picked up the the army surplus food. It's kind of like casco but only for refugees, you know And they'll you know, you go there and you give them a card that had like your allotment of how much every you know

Every couple of weeks and they fill these boxes just like casco and everything is plain wrap plain wrap powder eggs powder milk peanut butter government cheese Spam you used to call it carne de refugio And my mom learned to make carne. That means refugee me refugee me Yeah, i'm just trying to imagine what powdered eggs taste like

Powder eggs Next time you come on some of these tits lick the white plufulu with the drips. That's powder eggs right there powder eggs You know, and it's gotta be it's american airlines eggs. Yeah like that or or the uh, you know, when you stay in one of those hotels, you know You know, no free breakfast. We're free breakfast, you know powder egg eggs Scramble eggs, you know stuff like that. Yeah And uh, so yeah, so my my mom had all of a sudden, you know You know, it was kind of like

Well, how am I going to feed my family with this crap? You know, but it was amazing, you know the cuban mind you just kind of like adapt and be creative You know, so she made croquetas the carne de refugio She made like hamburger patties carne de refugio You know, everything was refugee meat and you could always smell it you walked down the hallways of a of a you know project You know, miami will have big buildings where you know, a lot of families live there You know, two or three story high, you know, and you could smell the carne de refugio, you know

Cooking it and with lard. They give you a can of lard, you know, and it was totally insane Totally insane. I can't lie. Every time I go to rounds and I see That can shit spam. I might get goosebumps because I want to buy it Cut it slice it then and fry that motherfucker up with two eggs You have no idea. At least I had you have no idea what I went Then you drink a cup of coffee after that and don't go 10 feet farther from the bathroom You understand me because your life's about to flash in front of you Spam spam spam is not bad. I you know what? I don't need it. I haven't eaten in years

But I could go buy a can of spam right now get some spinach Cook it up with some olive oil with some garlic some fucking Some spicy pepper that red crushed pepper and eat some spam with some spinach. What? Damn me. Go ahead. But that's all we had. Nothing. Yeah. That's all we know. No, no the choice. You had spam carne de refugio, you know, yeah You know now, how old were you when you left Cuba really? Uh, it was about two or three uh, two and a half months shy of 11 And what do you remember like what the like I like I said

I grew up in a house That I was too young to remember what was going on So you have this you you have this 100 uh, percent hatred Uh around now, I know when I look at you and I go, I hate the boss in the red sauce. No When I look you straight in the face and I go You know, I said, you don't even know I'm puto. I like I said more than concept You know when I look at people look at that I grew up with that type of hate for fidel

Yeah, like it was fucking ugly spinning hate, you know, I was around when they started looking for anybody who was associated with Batista Like that's how hatred Cubans were in 1970 through 75 I used to hear rumblings of these Cubans looking for Cubans That had been involved with that were now in their 60s that were involved in the Batista regime And now they were gonna hunt them to fuck down

And I remember and I told you as a kid I grew up with that they they put them in the witness relocation plan He was one of Batista's drivers. Oh, and I remember going Would I fucking leave an island and hunt somebody down? Even at that age with no logic. I was like that's fucking hatred But you know what by the age of 16 Rudy my mother died Other things were popping up. I had forgotten all about this hatred for fidel So whenever he was on tv now because in the home I grew up with as soon as he came on tv You gotta switch the channel

You gotta switch it right away and temp is fled and sometimes somebody broke down in teas It was ugly at that fucking bar. I saw it a thousand times The mood go from fucking that's how much hatred there was in the early 70s towards the del castro where I grew up And then I soon I forgot about this hatred the movie scarface came out And all of a sudden I watched The celia show and by episode 20 they got to go to mexico But fidel just turns on this country and his hatred for fucking black people and his hatred for

uh gay people and Uh how he just took people's businesses and put them on a fucking pedium And they had to have tickets for food and you know celia crews wouldn't look at him in changavara You know, they have that scene where they told her make sure you sing that song To fidel directly in che and nod and smile and she wouldn't do it So they declared her uh, whatever of the state and then she lost the house and they attacked her It's very interesting What do you remember?

Well growing up Well, first of all my parents they they Originally we were going to get on a on a cruise that was bound for spain that was going to do a layover in New york city and the plan was to when my family arrived on this and the ship in new york city to To ask for political asylum, you know and stay over in new york

Well, the the cruise right before the ones that we were scheduled to get on Half the boat did that They did that they just got off and asked for political asylum in new york city So from that point on they say well, we're not going to stop in new york anymore We're just going to keep going from my havena to spain wherever it was probably barcelona, you know Uh, so my parents had to like read, you know start all over again, you know, uh, we we had a sponsor That claimed us from the united states. We have visas. We have everything. It was all legal, you know, plus a passport Plus the danger

Of doing that in a communist country because once you the powers that be find out that you're leaving that also You're gusano, you know, you're you're leaving the country. You're leaving the revolution. Basically, you're not supporting the revolution anymore so My parents took my brother and me out of school For that year because in schools, you know The teachers were made to ask the kids Questions about how their parents are talking about fidel and the revolution at home You know, they were kept after school for that

and One of the instances I remember One of the teacher coming in to you know, to our class and saying, okay, I want you all kids to to pray to god for ice cream We did and got nothing and then she goes, okay now pray to papa castro for ice cream and We got ice cream, you know, so they were indoctrinating Our generation, you know and turning us against our parents And we were kids. We didn't know what was going on. You know, when you're a kid, you're you're basically honest, you know

When they ask you certain questions, you know, especially when there's an authority figure Kind of like threatening you, you know In school basically just their presence would be enough to do that So my parents wanted to avoid any possibilities. That was around the time where they were doing los pioner pioneritos pioneers Which is basically they were taking kids from families sending them over to russia And there was a uh, it was a movement that started happening in miami called los peter pan peter pan was getting the kids out of cuba and putting them in foster homes

around the united states new orleans miami certain other parts of the country just to avoid from having the kids being sent over to to russia at the time uh When we arrived in miami, I mean i was in havana when bail pigs happened and we were in miami when the october missile crisis happened So i have a recollection of all of the uh

The intensity in the air That you felt, you know, because you just didn't know you didn't know if it was good you were Experiencing the beginning of a world war three, you know, it was really really thick I'm being a young man. I don't mean to you know six and every way you went had a fallout shelter Oh, yeah You know, uh schools had the fucking drills And you had to go down to the basement and they gave you a package the one day we asked down there for two hours And they gave you a package and they had tang

Tang tang with water and like a fucking Some fucking artificial sandwich and shit And uh We were more prepared like they were preparing kids for war in those days like we always had to go to a basement or some shit I didn't see it as war. I saw as the the end of the world This was it and then what was going to happen. Let's say you came out of that cave To this new world where everything is destroyed What

What are you gonna do, you know Did you ever see Castro when you were a kid? Yeah, I did. Where'd you see him? Um, my dad used to work for la revista wemia He was one of the uh of the uh technicians. He ran the three bobbin machine, you know, there was like three big cylinders of paper And they were rotate and the paper would be printed on that, right? So, yeah, we worked at at the at the la revista wemia for many years And so he had a uh a a uh technician status

technical So he was part of the union and everything so there was this guy Miguel Angel que ve who owned la revista wemia and he and he was you know, he was a very wealthy man And he actually supported the revolution So right after the revolution, you know, when Castro came into power He threw a big party at his ranch for the employees and for fidel you los miliciano, you know uh

So fidel was there and And so, you know at that time he had not declared himself a a Marxist-Leninist yet. He was just fidel Castro, you know, revolution revolutionary, you know So, you know, it wasn't like like a real scary situation because You know things were Just this is right after the revolution and then after that he started making all those speeches and the country went until in the whole different Direction and that's when she became very very scary

Yeah, the first people that we knew that actually left the country were chinese that were in our neighborhood, you know, the ones that owned the Los chinos, you know, they had the uh the fruit stand They had the chinese restaurant the laundromat the laundry all of that because they came to cuba from from china running away from communism And when one's Castro, you know, they clear himself a communist and said we're out of here And they just made out for uh, they lived for san francisco, you know to do in 1960. It was one of the biggest china towns

Yeah, but a china town in cuba. I thought some people stayed and fidel left them alone Suppose I didn't know what was going on, you know, I I reconnected with my sister and one conversation we had We had a conversation about a time period when I found the letter that they wrote, you know And then I couldn't believe what I was reading. I cannot believe the words I was reading And I'm asking my sister. How was it being raised and she goes It was all according to how much money your mom sent that month, you know

And uh Like I just I still remember like those years Where there was kind of when my mother had to sell the bar And she couldn't send as much money as they they could that was one of the letters they sent And I asked my sister about and she goes, you know, there was a time where they were just turning This whole island against you guys

She goes it was just terrible way. It was they were on top of us and then when I met my cousins For lunch dinner one night after a spot at the improv right here on They were telling me like what what it was like to grow up and have to hide albums When they first got led zeppelin four would stay away to heaven just Jesus fucking christ It's just uh weird to hear It was really eye-opening watching that sell your show because When I go to Portland, I want to meet with an attorney up there friend of mine a dear friend of mine

And maybe we can put this warrant thing away and I could go to cuba and see my sister because my sister won't leave And then I haven't seen my sister since I was three years old. I can't die and not see my sister Lee you're right over there. You're over there fucking mumbo stumbling by yourself everything all right over there, like I'm doing fine I'm just I'm just it's a It's a crazy country It's weird to my my aunt and uncle are going next week now for our vacation. So now it's totally open You should go with them and take a hundred stars and just 200 stars a Canadian tourist, you know what I'm saying Take a couple kilos do something cocksucker

Let me give some shout outs here real quick. Tom swab current Michael. I love you Jeff tell him in newly one love Alex Castino Hugo Toppin Dr. Nick Balovitch ookey spooky Bob Lillengas and his family and the rest of the church goddamn family. I love you guys Happy Thanksgiving One thing before the show I asked you about the resurgence of music

the resurgence of music because The music business has changed so much over the last few years That everything changed like they started Not having record sales So bands had a tour for the labels to make money. Is that correct something like that something They're not making money off records. I don't know what I heard. So no, I I I make the least From my catalog from from record sales or even download I make the most I mean from other sources streaming sources or

We actually now get paid for non-terrestrial performances on records that you are signed to the record deal Like for example, I was signed to all the record deals for choir riot So I every time a choir from from the record from the from the metal health record or conditioned critical record The song gets played on the radio as a performer I make money on that That that was not the rule as a performer And on the radio on the radio, you know, non-terrestrial, which means like spotify serious exam all that stuff

Not the the ones with antennas but you know computer satellite radio and stuff like that and You know, that's it kind of like balances it out. It makes up for it But I would say most of the income today Is not from catalog is actually from sometimes getting your music placed in a movie or television or advertising and also for performing live and VIP meets and greets And merchandising and that money is actually allocated towards your your cost your overhead for transportation

You know, even if you have a bus or you're flying or your hotels or playing paying for the crew and so on It's not, you know, it's it's money that you must make in order to break even or make, you know, some sort of profit Well over the years You know, when I was growing up, uh, you went to see, uh Uh Michael Jackson four nights at the middle ends and he just did four at the at the garden For a couple years that live shows it seemed like the numbers were going down

And all of a sudden I guess these promoters put all these bands together And said listen fuck all this shit. Let's get for you motherfuckers together and take it out there old school The market's out there. The market's out there. You know, oh, yeah, absolutely. And you're active and you're fucking Uh You're out there again and all of a sudden all these bands these resurgence and I think it's great You know bad company tour this year. Like I said Peter Gabriel tour with fucking sting Yeah, that was a great tour. Who would have thought, you know, we were talking about how Poison and death leopards going out, you know, all these bands and I'm like your phone must be fucking ringing really

You know, I'm actually uh doing gigs with a band called the guess who? You know american woman And it's uh, it's it's great. I'm having a wonderful time. It's uh, we do a lot of civic auditoriums theaters casinos So yeah, I smell. Yeah, it's not it's not a club band. It's a it's a classic rock You know, uh established group and people will go see them. Yeah, like people like me would go. What the fuck

Let's go american woman is one of my jams. I'm gonna jump out of window Oh, absolutely. And I gotta tell you that the whole set is packed with hits They had 17 hits top 40 hits in their in their history And I'm beginning to learn a little bit about that about that circuit because Uh, most of the bands that I've played with in the past have been, you know, what they call 80s bands, you know And that that's a whole different, you know hierarchy But the hierarchy with classic rock bands, for example, we did a show with with the with three dope night So whoever goes on

The headliner is decided by who had the most hits Through the night had like 21 top 40 hits So they guess who we open up for them because we only had 17 You know, so it's that's the way that they weigh things, you know, it's all about how many songs on hit songs on the radio You actually had which makes sense. Yeah. Fuck it. Well, I fuck around. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, exactly Yeah, yeah, but but the thing is if you go to the 80s bands No, you know, I mean who had 21 top 40 singles from an 80s band You know, maybe a banjo be maybe got close to that. I would you know, I mean, I'm talking about rock bands

And because they were mainly we saw, you know, we used to sell records albums and that would be about two or three singles or that wouldn't even singles there were MTV videos You know with white snake in 1987 for the 87 record We had four videos which meant that we were able to tour for about a year and a half On that record because we first went out as an opening band for for for motley crew Then we came back around again playing basically the same market as a headliner and then we That was in the winter and then we did the summer tour and then we went to, you know, europe and

Asia and you know, whatever So it was it was a little bit different that the classic rock bands. It's based on top 40 Billboard hits No MTV videos You didn't have the days on Another illusion. I thought you replaced Two people together. I'm singing Chicago. It's another band. That's the other band. Yeah. How many hits they got 40? Yeah, they went through it. Oh my god. Yeah, I mean, but the singer's not there. Peter satara is not there. It's not there. Uh,

Actually, they had three singers. They have the fucking horn sounds tremendous. Yeah. Yeah, I saw them do some hall of fame show and they did, uh 2506 24 whatever fucking off. Yeah One section. Yeah, they had three lead singers, uh, bobby lamb robber lamb piece of terror and terry cath And then they brought in another, uh, Another lead vocalist into the band, you know, and Yeah, it's it's all about the songs, you know, with that classic rock You know market

I saw somebody One of those fucking jerks. I have yahoo.com And I scrolled down one day and somebody wrote, uh The top touring bands of a genre Without the original members And you know me. I'm a music guy rudy. I'm looking at this

And I saw the numbers they'd known, you know, and if one guy left You know, uh, we're back company. I think there was two guys from the original band Yes, there was somebody touring with nobody original It was something crazy the kid's son put the band together his friends. I don't even know what the fuck was going on Actually with that company, it's up until recently. It's three members. You have, uh, Simon Kirk drums, uh, make ralphs on guitar and paul rogers on vocals Who was the old bass player for them? Uh, boss burrell I did a radio show in chicago with the guitar player

Yeah, make ralphs. Yeah, very nice guy but it's crazy how I read the article I looked at it from the fucking writers perspective How he was trying to blow these people out of the water type of deal But I looked at it from a different perspective. Look at the numbers they're doing When I go see those guys, it's about nostalgia, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. It's about that song they did when I used to finger bang that chick behind the fucking carvel Yeah, the dead of the winter and either the night

Yeah, absolutely. So I could see how for me I would go to more of them I went to one at the hollywood bow from the 80s with Cindy Lauper and somebody else and somebody else My wife got the tickets. We said, what the fuck? You had the cab drop us off right next to the joint So we'd have to be walking up the hill from franklin. You know what I'm saying? That's how you do it You're a bad thing ship. Well, how you doing over there? I'm pretty sure the agenda the rest of the day. Yeah, the day's pretty much over once this is done. What are you doing tonight? tonight, uh, I don't know

You're gonna bleach your eyeballs and bring them back to light. Look at those things. Oh my god. Yeah See I told you in the afternoon you want to mess around with uncle joey I'm like the wood tank like you know what I'm saying May be if I get out in time, maybe I'll go to uh racita What's a racita black horse dark horse? Oh, that's right. I said black horse. I got a spot to store. I think Oh, okay. Cool. I got a spot to store. I'm gonna go home and hang out with the family and stuff like that What's your schedule looking like Tarzan talk to me?

Are you meeting up? What is the next guest who? In december I believe ninth or tenth. Yeah, we got three more shows and they're basically in the Dakotas Because in the wintertime, that's exactly where you want to be. You know, we got three Listen when I go in the where I go in the winter I go in the winter there for a reason Do you know what I'm saying? If you're gonna go there

Yeah, if you're going in the summer and they're gonna be the same type of party. Yeah, exactly When you go to Buffalo, you're gonna go in january and don't go to Buffalo. Yeah, yeah, that's true Right that I'm telling you this is my perspective. That's true. When I go to new york city. I go november or september I do that for a reason. I don't want to be in miami in august I want to be miami in october. Yeah, the dolphins are winning everybody's happy. You know what I'm saying Uh, there's certain places you want to go at certain times of the year. Yeah, uh, detroit You want to go in detroit in january? Yeah, if you're gonna rock the house. Fuck it. If not, you end up like the singer Fuck it. Yeah, and that's true because uh early on I learned, you know from touring with azi

We used to do a lot of uh winter tours and that was because there was less traffic Less bands, you know, like if you go out in the summer, everybody's on the road You go out in the winter time everybody is back home, you know Resting from having too much turkey after christmas and and then you're out there. You're cleaning up because there's there's no competition You know, you're you're the only game in town Basically, but there's also a strategy for me Now today's economy In today's economy once november the second week in november starts. I don't fly eastbound

Until mid january I do not touch lax till mid january the last week of january now I have a thousand reasons for that I don't want to be that asshole because every year we sit there Christmasy full It's over. You're happy and you're watching world news tonight and they show you Millions of strand millions of airplanes stranded for the holidays sleeping on cots Yelling at the fucking lady at delta. Yeah, so I made it a fucking habit

The first week of december is it for me number two. I'm an R rated actor They have a lot of christmas parties starting the second week of december Why fuck around why take a chance? You know what I'm saying? The club owners are very nice to me. I understand I get it the week for me to go back is december 26 That's when satan comes out. That's when everybody wants to get their dicks. Like they got a new pair of socks They got a new pair of pants. That's an uncle joey shows up to your town. That's a good week, but i'm very lazy now, rudy I'm scared of flying with snow and delays and all that shit Then the holidays makes people crazy. There's always a plane that goes off the track and fucking o' hara

Right and the train can't the plane can't stop. It takes the fucking It takes the fucking burger king signed down in left field You know, why be a part of that can of the airport gets crazy You want to go home for what to do what to make 2003 fourth time? It's not worth your life It's not worth being stuck on an airport for a day and a half. It really isn't you know, I'm saying mom I love you. I'll see you the last week of january with a bigger gift than I was they get you in december Because it gives me two weeks to clean up that visa card. You know I'm saying and I can start all over again That just for me. I don't like those weeks. Yeah right now. I go to portland next week

And the party's over. I go to portland december 1st 2nd and 3rd And when I come back right and I go out of burbank Oh, yeah, that's it. I'll leave you my phone give me and I fly back into the burbank And that's the last time because you also need to you don't need to break from travel. You also need to break from airports So don't put me at like seven weeks. I don't see a fucking airport That gives me a complete break and I'm not flying in the danger zone time of the year. Listen, don't get me wrong A plane could go down in the summertime in october november. That's not what I'm scared of I'm scared of delays. I'm scared of

Last week li and I had a drive from Boston to Connecticut And I didn't think about it till I got back into my bed that night. How much that bothered me that night I don't like driving with strangers really sorry, so Something doesn't click on me if that's shit. I don't want to be a movie star. I want to drive the fucking car. You know what I'm saying I don't know who you are. I'm not one of those p. I don't know. I don't know whether it's a limo or a cab driver that type of distance You know when I come back in january listen unless I get a fucking sled dog

I'm not doing boston to fucking Connecticut and fucking january, you know, there's just things that you look at yourself and you go I don't really need to do this at this point in my life I used to fly the buffalo in January between you and I because of my love for buffalo It's a connecting flight If that wasn't a connecting flight to somewhere else, I wouldn't fucking go You know what I'm saying? I really like buffalo when I go to Buffalo. I feel like home for two three days

I feel like home. I like the wings. I like the blue cheese That's the way it is, you know I'm saying I'll go to Detroit and fucking january test me I'll go to any part of michigan and fucking january. I love all that type of shit But that holiday travel booty That shit ain't for me puppy That's when they lose luggage. You got a kilo in the suitcase Now you gotta go get tense max to the face and the other tell the story. I don't know what happened I left the store. This was smiling. You know what I'm saying?

Fuck you Fuck you I don't want to see nobody that bad for the holidays I went to new york last year. I left on the 9th. I came back on the 13th with my family The plane deal we got was sensational We could not believe the tickets we had on virgin Because that's the time of the year to really dig it

That's your last chance to fly cheap nobody flies Between the 9th and the 13th or 14th. That's when the christmas travel starts on the 15th The plane tickets went down the hotel tickets went down I took them like put them in edge water We went over the city every day in the ferry like movie stars and shit We walked though went to see the tree and we came back before the christmas rush It's a very nice time and I want to work now. I was with my family next time I work in new york or something I know that's still pretty cool

But that's possibly the last week I'll work after that I don't like that christmas travel brother. What about you lee? You don't fly during yam kapoor So you don't give a fuck jack Lee don't fly during jewish holidays. He told me this years ago But you don't want the people to know because he feels embarrassed. Yeah, I feel very embarrassed I've but I've never been able I've never been able to go home for Thanksgiving. I've always wanted to but like it's not really the biggest one Like that's why I I tended to go home

during december Because Thanksgiving wasn't huge, but it's too expensive like a lot of people try to go back for both And it would be like 600 bucks and I couldn't do it So, uh, I have like I've been here like six years. I think I haven't been able to go back But then again Who wants to get stuck in that on in that so it's already snowed dog. Oh, yeah It's already snowed. Did you see that already? Yeah two days. I was talking to justin

And he was asking me how about you going here that week and I go dog You know, that's one of my dangers on weeks. I don't go into dangerville those weeks He goes, what are you talking about? It never snows there these type of the year. Good dog. I grew up there Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? All right, mother nature sends you a zing in november It's called being direct. I talked to him yesterday. He said dog. I had to leave new york. It was so fucking cold Yeah, we're california people dog. Yeah, that skin melts It's an it's you know, I had to turn the heat on this morning. I was embarrassed 47 degrees. We got to turn heat on and you should mom tarry. She comes in. Why why why turn the heat i'm freezing in here

Fucking go to new york at this age. How fucking collapse really saw so I've been living like a doctor out here in the sunlight Rubbing number two on my legs, you know going to drink coffee I'm gonna go shovel snow. What do people die doing shoveling fucking snow. That's what I want to do Yeah, I can't do it now. I thought about colorado the the snow's a little light. I would consider like A southern town. I hear those southern part of colorado is really booming What about in new york city you would have to shovel? listen Leave me alone

Leave me alone. We're gonna bother me. I just told you I don't want to live in that cold weather where I have to shovel or not You know why there's a thousand angles widely I can't see at this age getting out of your fucking house where your chunk let us on in your robe And have to turn your fucking car on full blast heat Sit there like a fucking frozen midget Then clean off the windshield and go in your house and get dressed and by the time you come out your car is warmed up I can't imagine doing this at this age where these cars are you tell me the truth. Yeah, I'm done Really? Yeah, I'm done. Yeah. I thought there was something wrong with me. I've thought about the advantages of moving to new york. Listen

I love new york, but it might hurt that ship sailed I'm too old for new york What advantages do I get from new york right now? I could do comedy at two in the morning. I don't want to be out after 10 I'm scared It's a different world out there. I love playing new york It's to me. It's a oh, I love going to go to Gotham. I love dog. Yeah, let me show you a picture of pizza 50 yards away. Let me tell you something There's a type of pizza you eat

If you're I don't give a fuck if you have to go to the hospital from the gluten You gotta eat this when you're in new york Just have the ambulance just cut it in with chris missy. Go chris. Listen the pizza down the corner I'm gonna eat a slice part of our contract is we got to split the ambulance And what I got to get taken right to the hospital To uh This pizza Destroyed my insides. I was like this is

I was just walking minding my own business whistling down the street. You know me really size I don't bother nobody and I look over to the side and lo and behold Look at this 50 yards away that's a lot of gluten Yeah, but don't dairy don't matter you go to the hospital It's all right And it's it's glowing It's like, you know what it looks like those

The food that you know when you go to japan They'll they'll have the menu in a in like in a shelf Outside of the restaurant like like replicas plastic replicas of food And they actually sometimes looks better than the food that you get inside the restaurant Uh, this is what it reminds me of. No, I took that picture. That's no fucking replica What else they got here they got the slice they got the stromboli with the Stromboli They got everything in this place, man. Wow

They are two italians four mexicans, but it's all right. It all balances out at the end of the day Lisa yeah, how you doing over there? You seeing the devil, aren't you? You never thought uncle joey's gonna take it deep into the murky waters At two in the afternoon one thing I've learned from you rudy is you have to take care of yourself I'm looking at you know, like this guy Is uh, it's a savage You're a savage Gotta take care of yourself. You know, it's it's going on the road. It's it's hard. Oh my god

It gets harder every three weekends you go Yeah, and you and I you know, we're not like athletes In the sense that you know, let's say you're derrick jeter You have a bad a bad game You know, you strike out four times during the game, right next day The stadium yankee stadium is gonna be filled again No problem, right You and I if we have one bad show people ain't coming back

It's done. You come back and you're half empty, you know room You know, so every night you get you have to be you have to hit a grand slam every single night You get and you have to be in shape for that. You can't be sick. You can't be feeling ill or tired I Got it's it's it's so funny how you learn for me one of the biggest lessons were And people get upset with me is I don't smoke pot with people on the road That's the biggest fucking road to fucking an ammonia Especially when you travel a lot

I don't mingle too much Uh, people want to hug you they're coughing. That's okay, but I won't smoke pot Which it's amazing how many people come up to your coffin and they want to smoke pot when you're like dog I gotta go do a movie next week and do this and they're like no no I had an ammonia, but it went away. I went to the doctor. You're like dog. It don't matter um I get a lot of sleep on the road man I don't do a lot of movement on the road really so I so

I'm gonna be strictly unless you I fucked around In my career for 16 years I go on the road for no money and I act like an asshole on stage I'd have a set list, but I wouldn't I didn't really care what they thought I was a comedy store comic and I was happy with that I would open up for Joe Rogan And I would do well in those shows because Joe would pay me well, so I had to do well and be a little prepared

But I didn't really get it till I started headline That's what people realizing people paying 20 dollars to come in to see me How important it is for me To be in a certain shape A certain state of mind I got a bat 60 percent because even if I bat 60 I could turn that into 80 Do you follow me? We have tricks I have tricks to confuse you

comically Where even if the closer doesn't work The his first 30 minutes are really hilarious You know, there's rooms I go to now that I'm not connecting with them The first 35 minutes are really And all of a sudden I twist it on them and I turn my energy on them And I focus on the last 15 and three quarters of the room gives me a standing ovation Even though I ain't shift for 35 minutes

I have tricks. I've been doing it for 25 fucking years. You know what I'm saying? I'm a hooker You know, I could do to your dick I could lick it, slide it on fire suck the blowhard out of your ass show you your kidney You know, I could do a doctor's test better than he can I'll let you know what you got before the doctor. You got a certain taste in your sperm You're missing some fucking carrot juice Lee wake up cocksucker Look at the shape of you. Lee. Well, you need another star. Lee. That's what the problem is. I might. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Look at the shape of you, but uh, we and you know what I'm talking about Rudy. So you see what music with singers A singer a singer will come out and say guys by the way, I don't know what the fuck you're thinking Those motley crude days are over. We're lowering it from 16 to 3. You know what I'm saying? I got a sound whatever and you go see them and you know, the singer's struggling This is 20 fucking years ago Yeah, but even when the singer's struggling, you know, the more struggling the singer goes through the bigger The explosions and the light show on stages is deflecting. There you go I do the same we as comedians

We do the exact same thing if if Thomas Ward used to have a great joke that he had a little dick So whenever he fucked he made shit happen in the room like he'd break a window and he'd break a lamp And he hit it with a shoe and shit, you know, I don't know what the joke was But basically that he would he would detract her from having sex there, you know as a comedian This night I go up there and I can't believe what's happening really. So I was like, you know what I'm talking about

This night's why you're on stage. Even if I say hello They puke him with laughter And there's nights. They don't laugh for the first time minutes. I got to twist it on them and take them down a different dungeon I got to show them a different fucking coffin. You know what I'm saying? You got to take them somewhere else And even though that wasn't that wasn't the fucking schedule That wasn't the plan. How long does it take you to realize that? 10 minutes I just did three shows. I'm not I'm just saying uh

Uh, I'm I'm talking about a situation here. I just did three shows These people on the way out they were calling ambulances. They couldn't breathe Okay, I taped the show with lee I listened to it Now when I listen to it, I know what to say and how to say it I just learned that now after 25 years because he started taping my sets before I started taping the special I did the exact same set the second night The exact same first eight nine ten twelve minutes

Anything going nowhere And I said a specific line that wasn't a curse And they it really didn't go nowhere and then I flipped it And I told the story to bring them down to level Let me bring you down to my level. Let me tell you what I go through You know when I was 28, I did this this this this and this you take them to a specific situation Now I get them laughing from a different corner of their heart You follow me now i'm getting them so we have current current, but guess what?

Well, I'm telling that story and I'm telling trying to tell that story to form I'm really trying to fucking think about what's going to come out of my mouth next So I could keep these motherfuckers alive now I'm resuscitating them little by little that woman that was staring at me like I kicked a kid in the mouth She's laughing now. She's actually giggling at my jokes Even though I throw a pussy joke at it and now You think about the next move and if you could think of your next three steps That quickly you got them

We'll worry about the next three steps when we get to them Let me worry about the next three steps Now I know exactly where the fuck i'm going You know, I started hanging around comedians when when I met uh, uh, sam kinnison We had the same management You know as when I was in white snake here We have you know, we share we share a lot, you know As far as the business goes and I got to play on his record because of that because we had you know

The management called me and said, hey, you know, you can you be tomorrow at the studio and do this song Wild thing with sam and then from that on and you know, we we became really close friends Hung out with the family, you know malika his wife and and sabrina and you know So we have a really really strong relationship, but Along with sam came All the other comedians, you know Uh, he had the uh the the outlaws of comedy. She'll be you know, call it a bow Stevens, you know, all of that by the clock. Yeah, all of that and jimmy. What's his name jimmy, uh

Not shuber jimmy shuber jimmy shuber. Yeah And so, you know, that was kind of like my my my introduction to to comedy world, you know And I gotta tell you you you know, I I saw a lot of shows uh with sam He used to go and try his material in pawn springs and I used to have a house out there and sam would love to rent out Elvis's home In pawn springs So he would stay there and then go down to the local comedy club and just do do shows, you know Then I would bring him over over to my house and mess them up with like

These drinks that I used to make scorpions and then he would do the next show Oh, it's just blood completely gone. You know, meanwhile, sabrina was recording everything, you know, and I I really Gained so much respect for you guys Because you guys you you can't really deflect. There's just you with a microphone and the audience You got nothing. You don't have a drum solo. It's such a shit going wrong You're okay drum solo or guitar solo or a wawa. You don't even have a wawa You know, it's like it's you with your dick in your hand up there

In front of the stage one light on you most of the time and the audience and that's it And it's not like, you know, like you have a bit, you know, like we We know how to pace our set list because we're going to put like a song that the crowd is familiar with And then we throw another hit like three songs into the set Then we finish the do a finish with a strong song and then the encore is the song everybody's waiting for You know, so, you know, we kind of like we're holding the the the audience You know, like like, you know at ransom here because they they want to hear certain songs With you guys, you come up with new stuff all the time

I'm not laughing at you Fuck I just fell over He passed out He's been passing out for a while. Yes, he did. Yes. I'm gonna do it. I'm sorry. Oh, that's right. People passing out. It's 2016 So, so, you know, like I was saying I'm really really impressed with how you guys are able to every single night Be able to handle that It's amazing. I mean, I saw sam get up on stage

Doing like two shows in one night like he did a whole weekend at ceasar's palace in the big ballroom and The second night he hadn't slept from the night before You know, he stayed up partying And he would just hit the stage Now we were hanging out at in his suite and we knew how messed up he was But as soon as he hit that stage, he was spot on and he had the crowd Right there the crowd was cheering for him even before he opened his mouth

You know, like like what you're saying, you know, you could just grunt into the microphone and people would be fucking laughing if I The night I got to ceasar's palace if I went up the first night I know there's a package waiting for me afterward That's the best show you ever gonna see if I know there's a suite I know that 99 percent somebody's gonna lick my nuts and put a firecracker in my asshole I know i'm gonna party with rudy and god knows who else Those two shows are gonna be the best show you've ever seen in your life But I gotta be in bed by five

And I gotta get up and I gotta sweat a little bit And I gotta write And the first show that night is gonna be a little rusty The second show is gonna be great If I stay up all night and go to the show You better give me that money back You better give me that money back like I would never even plan a binge If I had a big show the next night and open my a 50 dollar show. Yeah, fuck that

I couldn't even because My heart wouldn't be connected with my head There were so many times in miami. I was committed to the weekend and it was so horrible rudy because I went from a comic with a motion To a Press here And I could see the audience knew it Think they laughed

But it wasn't what the joke was because there was no emotion in the joke I became when we went to the Wilbur I got a big time anxiety Attack when I first walked off the stage. There was a lot of people then if you ask lee The first two minutes at the Wilbur. I was very rigid I Didn't try to move around too much so I didn't have to breathe that much So I wouldn't pass out on stage in front of fucking a thousand people

So the first two or three minutes, even if you listen to it, uh You'll feel my tone and everything and all of a sudden once I became animated Was when the room changed Once the arms start moving the whole fucking deal and pa pa pa pa. That's it That's when I start Pulling them in but if I just stand there in front of my microphone like I'm gonna recite the fucking uh Apocrymation mockumation whatever the fuck that is Apocrymation poculeate whatever that Abe Lincoln

It's not gonna work out for me I gotta move I gotta get involved You know Little shit like that. I started doing this joke and one day lee pulled me over And he goes hey man, uh I like when you do this little thing and that little thing gets a tremendous laugh I did it one night on stage because I was high And I had eight people in the audience and I was living myself and you know, uh

Just uh You learned so much in 25 years really so as well. I don't have to tell you I know. Yeah, I don't have to tell you. I love the guy that walks up to you now and goes. Amen You mind the way back then dude, you know, I've been playing for six years I played just like you or whatever and The first 10 minutes of the conversation is very interesting But the next 10 minutes he's kind of not Putting you down, but he's

talking in a way like uh He's trying to do something to you now If you were back with randy god bless his soul and ozzy You might have punched him in the fucking mouth really sorry, so you know the type i'm talking about But because who you are who you are today you look at him You say a prayer for him. Yeah, and as you walk away you predict this future you go I'll give this fucking bum three years. You don't tell nobody because you're a decent person And you call it right every time

From the way they came up to you and approached you. Do you follow me you ever had that? You know what i'm talking about. I get it. I get it. Yeah, it's it's uh But I love when a comic comes up to me and tries to Speak a certain way to me You know And 20 years ago I would have kicked him in the stomach, but knowing who I am today. I look at him And I could tell by his attitude Where he's gonna end up just because he's moving too fast

I know before this even gets going this is gonna fall apart He's gonna take him a few years to get back on this because of this attitude that he's showing towards me You know what i'm saying? Yeah, like I've been doing this for fucking 25 years You've been doing it for four and somebody liked you at a festival. That's two different fucking worlds I've been banging out at the store for fucking 15 fucking years following paul mooney and joe rogan Tonight i gotta follow arisha fee. We think that's like these guys are explosive in 15 fucking minutes. You go down there Follow fucking delir see what happens to you you go down there with a base

With a fucking chick that lights herself on fire and they'll just look at you really so so that's how strong delir You know you learn how to navigate yourself after all those acts You could do two things you could take that energy That they left on stage Do something good with it talk well about the comment that just came up And flow with his energy and now you stole the show or You could fight that energy and try to be a fucking wise ass And try to say something sarcastic about that act

And the audience shuts down on you like a fucking Like uh, I don't even know what to compare it to i'm so fucking high right now It happens in music too because we got you know at one point at some point you're the opening band or some point you are the headliner So it's exactly the same thing, you know the opening band sometimes you can write on the energy of the opening band, you know Because the opening band actually gets to warm up, you know the audience And then you actually matter of fact if you if if if the opening band has a certain energy You might shift your your your opening song To maybe a higher energy so you can actually match

The way that they ended because the last thing you want to do is to drop down the energy If they really end up with a high energy song the lesson you come in with like a mid tempo Even though it might be a well-known song But all of a sudden you're like Bring in all that That energy down and you don't want to do that. I've been to concerts so fucking fired up really And the band has come out The opening band has been fucking fantastic

The headline has come out. He opened up tremendous. There's lights The guitars are great. The drums are on fire. It sounds like the album They got you the second song is fantastic. The third song is fantastic And then somebody's ego gets in the way And they do two or three ballads in a row No two ballads and this is a song off our new album. Well, you just fucking stabbed me in the neck. You fuck Okay, I don't want to hear a song from the new album And I don't want to hear this fucking ego fest that you did you had me you had me

You fucking had me. I'll tell you what band killed me. We'll like that Nazareth I went to see Nazareth June 6 Of 19 Maybe 81 at the Palladium They did a version of cocaine acoustic Oh, yeah, it's like with me at them. Yeah But after that, I don't know what happened

They did like they opened up with hair of the dog now you're messing with the son of a bitch That just blows the room up. You open up with that song the room just goes fucking ape shit Then they did another big energy one Forget about it. Then they did that one. They swear. Let's switch up the gears a little bit This is one of our favorites from Mary Clapton And they had fucking like six guitars. Everybody had a guitar and dog. I gotta tell you right off the bat. It was brilliant Brilliant. I wasn't even that much into every clap. I knew the song cocaine. It was brilliant And then they started singing like a song about a girl they met in Cleveland

And after that, you just want to pull the plug You can't do this to me. You can't do this to but the girl in Cleveland We're having a good time here. My friend just bought a grandma blow and you want to fucking throw this nightmare into the shell I've been in a few bands that during our Our opening band stage, you know in our career Yeah, I would I would say it was it was pretty frightening to have to follow With Ozzy we were opening up for Saxon in

in Europe And it was a 45 minute set and I gotta tell you it was the most intense 45 minutes of your life And for anybody to have to follow that, I don't care who you are It was it was just like how are you gonna do this, right? The next one was actually well, it was quite a riot It was pretty good Even though the headliners that we work with they were you know, especially zz top zz top was the hardest band ever to open up for Because it has the most dedicated audience. They're fanatic, you know, they all the way they're there for zz top

They don't care who you are, you know, like we're talking about you don't care about who the opening band is, you know There are certain time Then one snake we were an opening band and I gotta tell you by the time you finish with still of the night I think it's pretty much over You know, I don't care who's gonna follow the band, you know, it was that strong. It was that strong. I was yeah Yeah, that's strong. Okay in the 45 minute I was going to a lot of concerts back then. I'm trying to write a book now And I don't even know there's parts of me that wants to break it down

But there's parts of me to the highlight of my concert career What the fuck was I gonna ask you god damn it So you was talking about 45 minutes of on z in those days in the 45 minutes set Yeah, I mean you guys turn the shades down and you opened up a mr. Crowley right We opened up with I don't know actually it was the the diary of the madman tour Version because the raker had just come out in europe. Okay, so we were probably opening up with uh With over the mountain which is really intense anyways

This is the second tour the one I saw in new york city. Uh the one after the palladium Okay, no the one I saw after new year the one I saw at the palladium. Yeah, you either opened up with I don't know We opened up without or no, but that was the following tour Okay, so that was the when I saw you at the palladium with the jopen up. I don't know. Yeah Because I remember it was there was no over them. He did something for he he fucking stopped through No, but the palladium. Yeah, it was you guys had like yeah, we did believer right and we did a flying high again flying high From the record that was not released yet. Yeah But that was long in the 45 minutes

Oh, yeah, no because we were headlining, but I'm talking about 45 45 minutes tell me the 45 minutes set in the beginning I we're I you know, I could just see Again, I can just see the first three and the side a yeah side a is is a fucking monster side b is the monster The the ballad would have been just uh revelation mother earth mother earth which is tremendous. It goes into steel Tremendous. Tremendous. Yeah, tremendous. Tremendous. Yeah, it was just insane 45 minutes. So what they did is they they shortened Tommy Eldridge's drum solo tremendous You know that was too much and it was packed packed with like high intensity playing and music. Yeah, it was insane Yeah, yeah, and it was great because we we were good off the stage by nine o'clock the latest a 8 30 maybe

Get into rental rental cars and with Tommy Randy and me we hit the autobahn and we'll be in the next town before the club opened In in the in the hotel. So we were just partying right after right after the show in the next city You know, germany, we're just getting on the autobahn. Tommy is an incredible driver So we hit about 160 miles an hour and we were like in less than two hours in the next town Yeah insane party our asses off I still remember the back of the Palladium that night

I got there with my buddies and I knew a spot. There was a place that you walked and there was a fence But there was a cut in the fence And you knew that if you walked back there you walked behind one of the buildings And that's where the cool people that were going to the concert were party That's where they'd be like six or seven broads and the people were doing little bumps and shit and I still remember going back then and walking in and Jesus that was so long ago. I was a fucking kid really so so I was a fucking kid

lost Kid a fucking lost kid with four other fucking lost motherfuckers Was Pino there? No, by that time Pino Crowley was there. I moved to Miami Crowley was there I went with this kid Diddy Contaro Now, I don't know if it was that concert Or the second one at the metalands where we leave the show and his shirt is ripped And we go Diddy what happened? He goes, let me tell you what happened

I'm sitting there running my own business and some guy came behind me started dry humping me So I go, what did you do? He goes, I just beat the fuck out of him right there in the show and they threw me out I've been waiting for you guys to get out for a ride home. I don't know if it's the Palladium or the other one Oh my god, but I had seen like So this is when you came to the Palladium was 81 82 81 okay, so 81 so at that time I had seen

three or four shows in the Palladium Listen, I don't go to a lot of shows Rudy. You know, I almost went to Sabbath. We had to go to new york that night But I'll tell you how lucky I was man. I was lucky enough to see I asked you when you walked in here what that place seated And you told me about 12 to 1500 maybe 1600 that they were standing I was in there for four shows That are still etched in my mind that it's the reason why

I saw such great shows there That I know in my heart nothing will be really size up I saw Iron Maiden there in the first album with paul de annum They went in there and opened up for Judas Priest. I think Then I went back then saw Def Leppard open up the Judas Priest another time Then I went in there and saw you fucking sabbages in there then

I went in there and saw ac dc with brian johnson On this second night of their fucking tour at the Palladium in new york city It was august 2nd and it was a thousand fucking degrees. Do you understand me? Well, I went home that night even after the bus ride My jeans were fucking drenched really so so And I and I went to see james brown. They were also And they were all not about the show the shows were always money Judas Priest in a small place

You guys were randy roads In a fucking theater. I want america to think about what i'm talking about here Think about when you go to a movie theater now When you go to a fucking big movie theater now that was the Palladium I don't remember if they had a balcony. I think they did this video on youtube from that show I don't remember if they had a balcony But the sound was sensational in there Rudy I got to fucking sit there with my jaw dropped

I saw my buddy from the fucking projects in 64th street Take his hat off Throw it up on stage at angus young Angus young bent over picked it up Put it on and then threw it back in the audience me and my homies from jersey almost fucking died Do you understand me? I mean, I don't need that. I saw shit in there that Was just too good People freak out now when I talk to people and I go I went to see Ozzie to play. I'm like, no shit

It wasn't the show. It was the experience Me and these two guys probably went and copped a gram of blow And we used to get that in those days. You got the bottle with the spoon at the end We used to go to union city to east west and they sold its uh Drug paraphernalia. They're still there rudy so so Back in the day. We had the mcdonald's coffee little spoons Oh my god, you never use one of those I never went to mcdonald's

We went there just for the spoons when you're doing blow who goes to mcdonald's, you know what i'm saying Rudy always a pleasure to see you man. You too coco Happy samgiri, bro. Oh, yeah, happy samgiri I'm gonna read some ads and I'll get you out. They give me some ads lee. What the fuck my brother lee is jacked up tonight to the gills sir Yes, he is. Oh my god. Yes, you jacked. Oh my god. Uncle joey put the malook on you the thanksgiving malook I guarantee lee will start cooking that turkey tonight

By the time leaves wife's get home Leo have the turkey marinated in the fucking oven like a good soldier with a little fucking With a little suit on he'll be ready to go with a tension bite. Listen, bro. You wake up this turkey You slow cook that motherfucker got up every hour on the hour Throw a piece of butter on it and rub it in there with your little fingers with a glove on who's better than you You know how juicy that turkey'll be You do that fucking thing you learn from those chef shows you stick the fucking needle in it I know you got a show on dvr or you got a yelp

And they teach you how to get the thing you stabbed it the fucking turkey with the stick And it tells you if it's cooked inside don't look at me like uh, like you don't know what i'm talking about four years of college This is what i gotta live with you know how to make a turkey I'm telling you he's gonna get hit with this girlfriend's sick. They're gonna fuck that turkey up. No, paul's making a apology Yeah, yeah, you listen listen to me. How many turkeys paul are making in life? Yeah, as many as me Okay, so you trust somebody why don't you you might as well trust me making your fucking turkey You might as well Get a gun and fucking shoot yourself because somebody's gonna get sick

Listen, i'm the way home tonight stop at rouse and get the little thing that you stabbed the turkey with And see what the temperature of the turkey would tell them really sorry, so please He thinks i'm fucking around temperature of the turkey Uh Oh, no, i don't know what that is. Oh jesus christ what he says i thought you were like a half a chef I thought someone in your lustrous career You had a job somewhere in the back. I did well making veggie burgers. No, we don't talk about that shit on the show We don't talk about that shit on the show fight club. Don't talk about fight club. We don't talk about veggie burgers on the church

Listen You know me dog. I don't fuck around with your people I was telling somebody the other day I was talking to Shane and my main man met lot Maybe we were getting called for the other day and they had asked me about underwear me undies I said listen me undies is fantastic. Why cut this shit. It's the holidays. I'm gonna tell you why me undies was fantastic A year and a half ago. I got certain uh Not this time was it this time Lee? Yeah No, yeah

This time I got surgery and I couldn't take a shower for a day and I took a shower before I went to the hospital The next day I went to take a shower and as a man, we always take a scratch and we sniff and it was clean it was not even sweaty because me undies me undies fabric is made my moda m o d a l And it pulls away the fucking moisture from your skin and I'm telling you this off the fucking cuff. You understand me Picture a world we're putting up new pair underwear. Isn't just fresh. You're stepping into a better day. Think about it Underwear is the first thing you put on and the last thing you take off. Why would you set off anything less than the best?

Feeling underwear on the planet me undies focus solely on producing the most comfortable underwear You'll ever experience My friends at me undies sent me a few pairs a while back And now I can't imagine wearing anything else. It really makes me each day that much better For the price of two cocktails me undies will deliver your new favorite pair underwear right to your doorstep Better day guaranteed try them on if they're not comfortable And they're the best feeling undies you've ever had they'll refund you and let you keep the first order for free All right, including the price is the sweet touch of mold all what I was talking about

A special fabric made with the best in-class raw materials that are scientifically proven To be three times softer than cotton. This is what I'm talking about These uber cozy undies are sold exclusively at the me undies website where you enjoy free shipping To the u.s. And Canada who's better than you and for limited time Everyone in the audience gets 20 off their first order But you have to go to a special url me undies.com slash joey again me undies.com slash joey With the me undies better day guarantee You have nothing to lose so don't wait any longer

Go to me undies.com slash joey right now for 20 off your first order. That's me undies.com Slash no the undies.com slash joey. Okay, listen the holiday season is coming Lee There's days. I don't talk to Lee no more Ever since the girlfriend moved in I don't talk to Lee and I understand we talk every day And I understand don't make don't don't don't justify it Lee And I found out today he came to my house I went to smoke pot in the backyard and he was walking to the backyard. He saw my toilet

And he saw the portable fucking Bidday and he stopped and he got kind of pale like all of a sudden he had to take a shit And I lured him outside and he came over to yate, but I could see he had to go home He was acting fucking funny and he left you know why he's been acting creepy lately ever since he got the bidet He doesn't answer the phone no more and I don't blame him. Rudy saw this. Are you ever had bidet? I grew up with bidet in cuba cuba. That's big in cuba. My mom had one in north bergen. Absolutely. Tell him You must have a bidet. It's a fucking tremendous thing. I agree with that You gotta we gotta get you married not only for men, but for women too. No no no for you

And you get to scroll them you got everything. There's no bacteria. Listen, bidets are making a comeback Thank you to hello tushy.com. That's why I love these people But days are back. You don't know what a bidet is because you've been living in a fucking cave for 20 years Bidets they spray your butt clean with water. I grew up with a bidet in north bergen in my house. I'm giving that terrace They are stupendous tremendous healthy They keep you nice down there and thanks to tushy with the sleek bidet that clips on to your existing Toilet and it sprays your butt completely solid with fresh water to get your mufflers clean So you're not sitting on bacteria

You're causing hemorrhoids yeast infection and most importantly you're sitting there causing rotten ass You ever sit there on the computer? Three four hours and you're thinking what's going on with the world before you think about that stuff Think about your muffling. What's going on down there? How you weigh the cheeseburger for lunch? What could be developing down there? If you got hello tushy this shit don't happen. All right And it's environmentally one of the best things going on because you don't need no more paper All right, so that means more trees and it uses one pint of fresh water Number two tushy just came out with towels on the website too. They're fucking tremendous

So tushy stay stands behind their product 60 day Guarantee, all right, and here's the best. They got a white or gold tushy But here's the beauty of this stuff right now is the season. This stuff is fantastic It's not going to cause your arm or leg. Go to hello tushy.com right now. I'm telling you right now This is the stocking stuff for you dream about you all know some fucking chubby, dude You ever look at somebody you go, you know what I could tell I'm no fortune teller, but that guy's asshole stinks. You ever look at somebody They're sitting there. You're like, I know either his feet or his ass stink

I do this kind of judging when I'm bored What take the chance make this fucking day go to hello tushy.com right now Slash church And get 10% off your order. All right again. Hello tushy.com Slash church and get 10% off your order And that's it and that's that dog the special comes out december 8 go to siso tv code Joey joey y get two months for free. Listen to me. This is my thanksgiving

I need for you people to do this for me. I don't ask you for dick I try to get your muffler clean and I try for you to stay sexy when you're wearing underwears Who's better than me and don't forget on it for the holidays another stockings Stocking stuffer you go to on it.com right now. Get some alpha brain. You're all fucked up You're ubach you want to leave your wife for an 18 year old that plays the fucking piano Who gives a fuck get your head together? You need some on it cocksucker and they got a money back guarantee Boom. What's the code church ch u r c h 10 percent off delivery to your house one more time for my people on it You know me. I love tushy with all my heart go to tushy.com

Hello tushy.com and look at the great stuff siso tv I need you to do this for uncle joey And honor cocksuckers my brother mr. Rudy sauzo My pride and joy when I was a kid I was in a dark corner And he took me out of it just by being fucking human and don't forget tomorrow night. Nervine Boom 11 23 8 o'clock show and I'll see you motherfuckers in portland, oregon december 1st Start the month off on a good week december 1st through the 3rd and I come back and I celebrate santa What the fuck you think you're dealing with december 4th is santa. What about it? December 4th?

What the fuck you think you're dealing with some novice and i'm making up stories here I'd be great. Thanks. You have me and lee want to tell you we love you at all our heart Thank you for supporting the church Without you guys we have dick man. Thank you for making our world complete, man Thank you for listening and for being loyal. You know what the fuck you are You don't need for people to tell you fucking name and shit. All right. I'll see you guys next week. Stay black child This show was presented by on it

But days are back The church of what's happening now was proud to introduce you to hello tushy.com Hello, hello, tushy.com makes portable devices that spray your butt clean with water Go to hello tushy.com slash church right now and get 10 off of your order That's hello tushy.com slash church The show is also brought to you by me undies Go to me undies.com slash joey right now to get 20 off of your first order And shipping is free in the united states and canada. That's me undies.com slash joey

me undies.com slash joey What do you think about that Lisa? We're gonna put music on Lee. What's your pick? You took ass for me Oh I think I think you moved me I just came to my mind I thought I'd say that You make me trust you and it's stuck the knife in my heart You're a line of fake or untrustable crap, but I think I love you

I love you You made my heart spin You took everything I love you Oh Oh We all got some kind of wild thing and went through our lives and made it hell Because everybody's had one and you mean nobody likes to lose

And you know she's out there laughing at you I don't care if it was last week or third grade someone broke your heart What was our name? I'll never forgive you Now you live with yourself You never loved me You used to be I'll never forgive you

I'll never forgive you Why didn't you tell me you were a demon from hell? You deserve nothing you're gonna make you lose I'll never forgive you Transient, out of work, guys Guys, you're gonna use you like you used me Oh What's our name?

Oh