Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #434 - Dean Delray

Episode Date: November 28, 2016

Dean Delray, Comedian, seen on IFC's "Maron", and the Host of the "Let There Be Talk" podcast, and seen on Maron, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   ZipRecruiter - post your job for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church    MVMT Watches - Go to MVMTWatches.com/church to get 15% off of their high quality watches at revolutionary prices. MVMTWatches.com/church for 15% off, with free shipping and free returns.    Seeso: Seeso is the new ad free streaming service. Bingeable comedy. Anytime. Anywhere. Use code JOEY to get 2 months for free.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 11/27/2016.
    

This show is presented by Onnit. This show is also brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Are you hiring? Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates? With ZipRecruiter.com, you can post your job to 100-plus job sites, including social media networks like Facebook and Twitter, all with a single click. And right now, the listeners of The Church of What's Happening Now can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free by going to ZipRecruiter.com slash church. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash church.

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November 28th, bitches. The day the devil was buried at sea, raped, hit in the head with a fucking sealed bat. Oh my God. Are you kidding me or what? Like I said, it's time to see the devil, motherfuckers. The church of what's happening now. My main man, Lee Syed. And my main musical fucking Goomba and Dean Del Rizzy.

Yes. How are you, buddy? It's fucking Monday after Thanksgiving. Everybody got that first holiday. That's it. People are fucking jello right now. People just go jello right now. Yeah.

All the way to New Year's Day. It becomes Floating Zombies. You know, for me, like I hope that the year ends December, like 10th or 11th. I have two weeks with the baby. I do a little comedy, then I have New Year's with Joe, then it's a baby's birthday and then I'm back out there again fucking tour in January 22nd, you know. Yeah. So I have a little time to spend with the babies going to be full.

How was your weekend, Lee? I had a great weekend. It was, you know what I mean? It really means a lot for the past few years. I don't even know how many years in a row I've been invited to your house. It means the world and it's crazy how like how much things have changed in the past four years, but that that was great. I got to go to Paula's mom's house.

You ate like nine Thanksgiving. Oh my God. Three Thanksgiving. So I went to you Paula's mom and then I made the I just for all just for all the original OG church people. I made a turkey this year. I had turkey with mashed potatoes, green beans. We had the leftover mac and cheese from your Thanksgiving.

How was it? Perfect. Three-day old mac and cheese. That shit is glamor-gated and shit. That's my favorite. That thick mac and cheese. Oh, I love it. She gets to the Costco, the big noodles with the milk and the cream.

You know what? I'm too old for that shit, but she don't burn it. I like my shit crispy and burnt on the side. I go, Lee, she's not going to burn it. She didn't burn it so I didn't eat it. I said something to her. You know what? I tried, but you know, not everybody likes them.

Take half piece. I'm burning it for you. I like my fucking cheese burnt. What the fuck is wrong with people? God, I'm a mac and cheese freak, man. I don't like that shit in a box. I know that. I know that.

It's just growing up. You know, it's just growing up, but it's at a point in my life you can't dope it up no more. Yeah. Like for a year or two, you put ketchup on it. Yeah, yeah. Then you put hot sauce on it. You got ketchup on.

Listen, you got to dope that shit up. When you're a kid, you got to dope on it. I think you're all gourmet chef. I'd go pay Spirconi in there. You know, like pay Salsa. I'll tell you what, a fucking big kid, Marco, my buddy, my training partner at Jiu-Jitsu. I love this kid. He's a young kid.

He brought me to Molly's. Yeah. And I just brought him home for granted and put him in the fridge. And I told my wife and they say, take those motherfuckers out. Oh my God. He gave me a red one. You know, he gave me red ones and cheese and green chili. Oh, and the one that I came home and I doped that motherfucker up.

I took some pace out with a little Mexican cheese blend. She had it there for something else. Oh, that night we came back from Irvine. If you came out to the show, thank you very much. It was sold out half the room. Sold out, huh? Didn't know what the fuck I was saying. The other half was jumping up and down.

It was the weirdest situation I've ever been at. Two years in a row. It's like going to a gig and half the room dies. They don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yeah. But the other people, the church people, they're like, ah! People are sitting down and going, what the fuck is going on here? They're like, this isn't Thanksgiving.

But it took two hours and 45 minutes to drill down there and me and Lee got fucked up in that car. Wow. This was, one time we went to San Diego and I got to tell you guys the truth. Like by Irvine, I was falling apart at the scene. I was so high, the lights were hitting my eyes. They were fucking really sensitive. I almost totally, we were going to turn around, but we got to pull over for an hour or two. I couldn't.

And we made it to San Diego. That's the night we went to the casino and we got stuck on the mountain. Yeah. I thought you were pissed off because we just stopped not to get gas by the side of the road and he just went out. I thought he was checking for a flat tire. He was just looking. I guess you were just catching your breath or something.

Yeah. My God. I got it. Walk it off. Walk it off. I walked off and I thought I saw like an animal and I ran back to the car. It was one of those nights where you seen animals and shit. Yeah.

I'm like, Jesus Christ. But this time we were sizzled. We got there and it was like, we got there to perform. Yeah. Like there was no 30 minutes of talking. We got that 748 or something. Yeah. Show starts at eight.

Lee went up. Steve Simone went up. I went up. Then we went in the back. We were so stoned. We had to talk it out. Yeah. And then we finally left.

And by the time we got, we went to Yum Yum Donuts. Yeah. We had to talk from the edibles. I was fucking gone. And I went to Jiu Jitsu that day. Wow. When I go to Jiu Jitsu, I usually have milkshakes in the morning. So I only have two meals that day.

So my body really needs that third fucking meal all the time. I try to cheat myself and I'm not going to eat. And some nights I do great. Yeah. Some nights I just have another protein shake or half a protein shake. This night I went deep. Yeah. We went to Yum Yum.

The donuts were coming right out of the oven. Uh-huh. Me and Lee walked in there. It was like we were hitting the times. Oh. Like I thought about it the next morning. Like what had happened. Yeah.

Like me and Simone just got contact high because we let two bats on the way down and one more. Which is not normal for you. No. We've never done. I don't think we ever did that. No. We just said, fuck it.

We're going to be in traffic. Yeah. You know, traffic is how you look at it. Yep. You know what I'm saying? Like traffic, I don't ever want to sit in traffic. But if I do, I have to change my attitude and I got to be prepared. Especially L.A. traffic.

Tell me. You know, San Diego at two in the afternoon. That's six hours. That's fucking hours, man. It's crazy. And you sit there going, I can't believe I'm sitting in this, but I made this commitment and I got to do this. But at least you got to see these.

Yeah. You brought two or three extra waters. Yeah. You know that. XM radio. XM radio. Oh. After Irvine, there's a fucking Dairy Queen.

Yeah. And you could always pull over there and take a little piss and take a little treat for you. You get a little fucking small. Yeah. I'd put Sunday or something to keep you, keep you alive to San Diego, you know. Yeah. When did you start driving like that though?

Because when you told me I was going up, I was trying what I was trying to do in the back. I wasn't texting. I was trying to like think about what I was going to say. If I was going to say, write a joke, and I started like no one drives like you, like at all. Like on that drive down to San Diego, first of all, all the windows were down the entire way.

It's like 30 degrees. Listen, if you spark a joint in a car. Yeah. And you get pulled over. Yeah. They're going to smell it. Tell it away. Okay.

If you smoke a joint with two windows down, believe it or not, that shit gets stuck in that back window. You ever go to your back, when you ever smoke dope in your car, cigarettes, and you look at the back of your window and it's foul. Even when I was smoking the E-pens, I would go, oh my God, that shit sticks in the air. When I smoke reefer in the car, if I have to smoke reefer in the car, the sunroof is open and all four windows is open. Pull it out of that headlight.

I had to do a 70. Yeah. And it's just blown out of there. And then I got for breeze and I got the fucking lemon scent in the middle. You're not going to catch me. Yeah. I had to use it number two. I don't have a lot of weed in the car.

Yeah. I had two joints on me. Three joints on me. You know what I'm saying? The animals, we'll just eat them. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good thing about it.

It's not like having a pound of blow. You can't do it by the time the cop gets here. Me and Lee could put away 20 fucking stars by the time the cop gets to the car. He's like, what's this? What? It's already gone. It's a spirit, though. That's a label.

You got nothing on this. The only thing they could do is give us a blood test and then we blow that up. You eat 20 of these fucking stars. It's all gelatin. Yeah. All you're going to give that fucking thing, his needle's going to get clogged over at the shitty police station and needle's going to get clogged up and take it to the hospital. What the fuck have you been eating?

Yeah. Right? Straight gummy. It was great. You know, it's crazy. For years, I've never looked at, I looked at Thanksgiving as just a day to get high and go to somebody's house and eat. Yeah.

And like the last time I've really thought about what the fuck it really is and there's always some asshole in the room that says, yeah. It's bullshit. Today's the day when white people killed Indians. Listen, just shut the fuck up. You're missing the whole fucking point. Right away there's got to be a movie star that's got a boycott in Thanksgiving because the Cherokee nation got, listen, whatever happened, you weren't there.

All right. You weren't fucking there. Yeah. Can't you just shut the fuck up, eat the turkey and suck somebody's dick and move on with your goddamn life. Right away there. And then they have three followers. She's right.

Yeah. I'm going to boycott. Me and my children are going to boycott. Right. Just look at it for what it is. Yeah. It's two days. Get together.

It's two days off. You don't need no money. There's always somebody that says, hey man, what are you fucking crazy? Come on over here. Yeah. Even the live factory sent food over to the store. Yeah. I didn't eat it, but it looked fucking good.

The turkey looked fucking good. Yeah. I've been feeding the homeless for eight years there. Are you saying even before your comedy career? Yeah. Well, seven years of comedy start next, December six is seven years. But the year before that, Jay Davis was serving there and he said, hey, why don't you come down with me and my mom.

And that's when I was kind of like, you know, starting to hang out into the comedy community. So the year before I started comedy, I served, I remember waters. I was doing waters that year and each year I moved up. Oh, now I'm on the buns. Now I'm on the gravy, you know. Now I'm on the stuffing. The stuffing's the hardest because your arm, after like eight hours of scoop and stuffing, your arm just becomes fucking done.

You know, you don't even think about it. And then you walk out of there, you go, my arm doesn't fucking work at all, you know. So weird. Like when I was a kid, I never thought of volunteering. Like I donated to the Heart Association. I did the walk-a-thons. I did the walk-a-thons legit for like three years and the last three years I just robbed them.

Yeah, right. I just took every nickel. Yeah. It was like 80 bucks or something. The fucking coordinates. Who gives a fuck, you know. I bought like a BMX frame. Yeah.

Yeah. What's up? Are you going to say something? No, I was going to agree with you because like my parents always gave to charity, but I don't really remember volunteering. I'm sure we did a couple of times, but there's people who do that all like with their families. Like Paul used to do it in Skid Row and I was like, wow, that's something I was never involved in.

I never volunteered until I moved to Boulder and got in trouble. Yeah. And then from 88 to probably 90 I volunteered in different cause I had community service, but I got to be honest with you. I must have had 20 hours of community service and once I did them, I still went to a place. I forget what the fuck it was. It was a warehouse. I went there once a week.

I enjoyed carrying boxes and shit like that and I did it because I wanted to do it. You know what I'm saying? Then I got arrested again and I did volunteer work at the AIDS place and then I would volunteer at the pool with kids even after I got locked up. The lady Jane knew me, so she would make me go down. I always volunteered my time like that. In today's world, I got a problem with writing a check to a fucking charity. Oh yeah.

I got a big problem. The three presidents, it's nonprofit, but three people have expensive accounts and shit like that. I don't understand that. Private jets and Cadillacs. I got to be strictly honest with you, no offense taken. I went to the Laugh Factory one year. I walked in.

I did something for 10 minutes. I stopped. I walked back to my corner and I went back. I felt that half the people that were there were there for the wrong reasons. I just felt it. I felt it. It's Hollywood. Nobody does anything because they want it.

It's always a by the way. I was getting there and I'll never forget that ABC was going to go there in 10 minutes and you should have seen people. Oh fuck. There were some people pushing each other, let me give turkey juice. Right there I said, you know what? This is not the place to do this stuff. I go for the whole day and oh my God.

You do the comedy and everything? Yeah, I do the comedy. The comedy does the comedy. Yeah. Yeah. And Frasier Smith and let's see who else. Dan Cook for years. Yeah.

Paul Rodriguez. Was he there all day this year? Did you go this year? Yeah. Was there this year? Yeah. And let's see who else over the years, you know, Tom Driesen, all, you know. The year I was there with the year I was there, there was a lot of people that belonged

there. Yeah. People that didn't belong there, that were doing it and I'm like, what do I expect? Yeah. Look where I am. Yeah, yeah. It's like when I was trying to get clean, you know, an 85, a friend of mine took me to a meeting, a teacher in high school.

I never was exposed to, the court never made me go to it for two or three months. I went to meetings with him just to laugh. Yeah. Just to laugh. Yeah. I would sit there until he went off at the, I didn't even go off, you know. Yeah. My friends were old school guys and these new kids were coming with their stories.

Yeah. And he would just destroy them the way he would destroy people in class, you know. And I knew what it meant. And even before I moved out to Colorado and 85 a few times, I went to a few meetings because I was clean from Coke for five. I stayed clean off Coke for a year and all that bullshit. But have you ever been to an AA meeting in Hollywood? No.

Oh. I can imagine. Oh boy. Yeah. I can imagine, you know. Oh boy. I remember when I first moved here, people were going to meet chicks. They're like, it's a great place to meet chicks.

Oh boy. It's like, wow. You have no idea what these fucking idiots do here. And it's very sad because I actually believe in it. Yeah. Like coming out of prison. I went to a few meetings and even though even Boulder was a little, somebody said to me, don't go to meetings in Boulder.

I did go to meetings in Arvada and other inner towns from Denver and I did go to those and I understood. I understood what they, you know, real people. When you went to the ones in Boulder, oh my God. Yeah. You know, first off, I want to start the meeting. This chick. I'll never forget this.

I can live to be a hundred and never, ever forget this. Now, at this time, I actually believed in the system. I actually believe the system was working because for a long time I went to NA, but I was smoking dope. I did it because I was in the halfway house. Yeah. Yeah. And I would smoke specifically to go to those fucking meetings, to tolerate those meetings

for now. Yeah. The, I think the court or the halfway house made me go to an AA and then one day I raised my hand. Like, I'm not a drinker. And they go, well, why are you here? And I go, because the court, they go, no, no, no, you got to come back on Sunday and go to NA.

And I'll never, ever forget this. It was at this white room, big, there had to be 30 people in the room. I sat down. I didn't have a book. Yeah. I didn't have a notebook. And I hate to tell this story because it's going to sound fucked up to a lot of women who listen to this show.

This woman was there that was tipping the scales. Had a mere 280, maybe 290. Yeah. Her feet, she had worked boots on. She was so fucking big, you know, I don't know if she was a lesbian. I don't think she was. She was just a foul woman, man. And you might look at me and go, Joey, you're a foul man.

Well, I understand. Now, thinking of me as a woman, she was a foul fucking woman with glasses on. I will never forget this. And they said, you know, welcome to the weekly NA meetings. Does anybody want to speak first? And she raised her hand and she goes, first off, I just want to talk about the sexual predators in the room. Now, by the way, I'm like, what, you know, I'm a 30, 28, I don't even know I'm young.

I'm a young kid, 27, maybe. And I'd never, you know, I had gone to meetings two years earlier or whatever. And in fact, to the meetings I went to, again, I don't want to sound bad, to meetings I went to in Jersey, not like two women out of 40 people. These poor two women, you could, you could tell these sober men were staring them down. Like in those days, you couldn't go to a meeting if you were a woman. Like it was just insane. It was in Crestkill, New Jersey and Dubant and those parts, those meetings

with two girls compared to 40 guys. And, and, you know, if one of them was young, the guys would be eyeballing them. You shitted that. Listen, Dice's first special, he has a joke about a chick. He goes, when I go to a club, I don't look for the hottest chick. I look for the chick that's laying against a wall, neatly cone goatee. This was her. Yeah, yeah.

I'll never forget. She's holding up the wall. Yeah. Yeah. I went up to her. I told her I had fudge and all this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got fudge and all this shit, this chick was like eaten as she was telling the story.

She goes, for starters, I just want to say that to the sexual predators in the room. At the end of the meetings, when we hug each other, please stop feeling me up. I thought this was a fucking joke. I didn't know what this was. Like, who the fuck is feeling you up? Yeah. And some people reacted to it in the room. And others were like, what the fuck is she talking about?

Yeah. Nobody's ever thought of feeling her up, you know? And she's like, last three meetings, people have felt me up and I've been solicited and I've been giving phone numbers. No, you haven't. Yeah. Nobody's ever given you a phone number, set the suicide hotline. Nobody's ever given you a fucking phone number.

That's a good one. Write that one down, Link. Now, because there's a lot of people posting suicide hotline on Facebook. Repost this, please. Yeah, yeah, feeling down. It is the time of the year. It's a rough fucking time of the year for a lot of people. I'll tell you what, you know, when I go to feed the homeless at the lab factory,

the first year I was, you know, there was handing out the waters and, you know, just I'd never done anything like that. And what really fucking knocked me out that pulled on my heartstrings was old women that come in, old women, man, you know, and they're dressed up, you know, like, you know, they look good, like they're proud, you know, even though they're homeless and I'm just like, man, there's nothing worse than old homeless women, man, that just sucks, you know what I mean? It's just like, well, I feel terrible, you know, and they're so nice old homeless

kids would be out there fucking homeless. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's, it's really crazy when you think it just getting old. Yeah, totally. Totally. It's a big fear of mine, you know, when you're 65, you can't go, yeah, just go get a painting job if things are off or go to nobody's really looking. You can't do manual labor.

All you could do is check security. My mom's working retail right now, you know what I mean? Just because the retirement is just not covering. And she's like, you know, almost 70 working with like young people that don't work, you know, but when I see these women, I think about like, they're not crazy or anything, just one wrong thing happened, like maybe their retirement got stolen from the company they worked for and then they lost their house all of a sudden and they don't have family and boom, they're gone.

They're gone. It's just gone and there's no way to get back. You know, it's just too much money to do anything. You know, it's really wild when you pass all the shit and get through those people if they're not drinking. Like once you see somebody on a daily, let's say you in New York City. Totally. And every day you walk through what used to be Hell's Kitchen and you see somebody on

the corner that's not an alcoholic. Yeah. Yeah, they're not doing drugs. They just caught a couple of bad breaks. They sleep on the shelter, but they're out there trying to put it together, believe it or not. So if you go talk to them, he'll tell you. If you come here at 12, I'm usually at the place trying to get a job painting

for full books. Now they'll tell you a story and when they tell you a story in that manner that they're not high or drunk, it really does some to you for a couple of days. First off, you realize how lucky you are, but you also realize how fast it can happen. Totally. I fucking think about my past every day at some point in the day. I think about living in that rocket ship or sleeping on the couches or just sleeping on a bus station.

My first couple tours in comedy where, you know, there's no bus for six hours, Jack. And you ain't got no money to sleep at the Hotel Six. Nope. You got to get your duffel bag, get your jacket, put it up, put your wallet in your front pocket and take a little fucking nap there. You sleep with one eye open. You know, it's funny that we, at the Houston County Festival, I saw Slater and he goes,

he goes, I remember driving you when you first got diagnosed with the sleep apnea. Yeah. And you'd be just talking to me and you'd fall on me and I'd have to push you off on the way to Houston from Beaumont and shit. Wow. Yeah. Because I had that sleep deprivation. You just fall asleep right away.

Oh my God. As soon as I got in the car. Oh yeah. That kind of chair would put me out. I told you, one time I fell asleep on a plane before it took off and they asked me to get off the plane because I was snoring so loud from the sleep apnea. Wow. People thought I was going to die and shit.

They woke me up and said, you got to get out and get checked out. You can't fly on this fucking plane. Wow. You just made a noise like an animal. Yeah. I heard that, yeah. That, that sucking for wind when you have a sleep apnea, you have no idea. It's, you, you, my wife taped it.

Yeah. Yeah. Gavin Boyd, my friend, taped it one day and he goes, this is what you sound like at night. It was. Wow. Wow. And that shit is no good for you. No.

Fuck yeah. Like every time you suck for air and stuff, something happens in your brain. Yeah. You're cutting oxygen off. You're cutting oxygen off. It's, it's a horrible situation. You know, I try to really work on rest of people. That's the most important thing because I wake up in the middle of the night, you know.

Yeah. Like if I go to bed early, I just wake up. After six, seven hours, I wake up. That's me too. I wake up and I stand and now I'm smart enough. Since 83, I call it. There's some nights when I roll back and forth, but if I can, after 30, I just get up. That's it.

This is not going to work. I get the notebook. Yeah. Start writing, put on a TV show, put the, uh, Walkman on the fucking earphones. Yep. Listen. And at one point you go, fuck, I'm tired. Now you're ready.

Yeah. That happens to me every day. Every day. Every day. And I fight it. So that's, you get up. Okay. I'll have to start doing it.

I got to get up because I got to pee. And then you lay down and be like, fuck, I got to download that podcast. Yeah. If you're a runny body, if you have a heartbeat, it's so weird when you wake up in the middle of the night, when you're pissing or just drinking water, the first thing you think about is what's on your plate. And then you lay down and you're like, why is this lingering in my fucking mind now? God damn it.

Yeah. And now you're angry. Yeah. Once you get angry, you lost the battle. Yeah. Just get up. Get up, take the sleep at your mask off and go to the office, open up the thing. I fucking smoke a little bit.

I drink some water. I refuel the body. I take a shot of CBD oil. Yeah. Then I go outside and take two, three hits of the pipe. I come back in. The other day I pulled out the Art of War by that Sun Tzu, the War of Art. Oh yeah.

By Steven Brown. I read that couple of chapters two weeks ago. I had it and I just started reading books in the middle of the night. No comedy, no nothing. Why are you going to try to write a joke for? Books are the best. Books are the best. Fuck them, knock them out.

No comedy, no books are the best sleeping pill. You take two, three hits off and fucking joint your cross-eyed jack. I don't give a fuck what story they take in medical school. If it knocks me down, it'll fucking kill you with no sleeping pills. It'll fucking kill you. Yep. Yeah, I'm reading the Bruce Springsteen book right now. And it's, you know, like, it takes me a long time to read books because I get going

and then I just fall asleep. But it's great because as my week goes by, I go, oh yeah, fucking, I remember what I'm reading, you know what I mean? Like, oh, that part where I used to try to just sit down and read the whole book. That's what I, I'm into. Yeah. I like, I like to put away three days, which I don't have no more. Yeah.

You look at a book and, first off, I'm not a second book and read it. Yeah. It drives me crazy. I want to read the book first, all right? Yeah, yeah. I want to be a fucking life. I want to read a germy book. I'll let you know.

I don't need no use. But yeah, I'm one of those fucking animals. And when I get it, I want to read and get over it. Yeah. So I would fucking just front to back. This book tells you about the early days in Jersey and all that. Oh God, yeah, from day one. The bar scene and what it was like.

It's probably the, it's so incredible, man, because I've read a ton of rock stars books and the front part's always slow. You just want to get to the drugs, you know? But this one really sets up who he is growing up in Jersey, you know? Poor and seeing the Beatles on Ed Sullivan and then Elvis. Elvis was the one that lit him up and growing up during the, you know, segregated neighborhoods and playing music as the greasers against the socials like on outside or as the movie, you know?

And you're really, right now, I'm just in it. Like, I can feel where this guy's from, you know? And how his songwriting is, as the way he writes a book too, he grabs you. It's really, you know, he really lays it out, you know? Like, I get this fucking car and this girl, you know? And you're in like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know? The first guitar is a piece of shit, you know? So it's great.

You know, it's so interesting how Jersey is music-wise. Yeah. Eddie Bravo's a nut, you know? I love Eddie. He's a fucking nut. And our music tastes very completely different. I'm just a few years older than him, but he doesn't like classic rock. Right.

That's weird. He likes kiss. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, kiss. And then he references everything after 1994. So it's, I don't know, it's just really weird. So I got to call from him one night all excited because he watches those Netflix documentaries all fucking night long. He'll smoke weed and watch those things and take notes and then call you

and give you step by step. Yeah. And he calls me one day with possibly, listen, I'm embarrassed to tell the truth about this part of my life. When I was growing up, there was no indie labels. I didn't know what that was. Right. You know, I was introduced to, you know, when it's getting red and black Sabbath all around

the same time, you know, and Led Zeppelin came, even though I didn't believe in long hair and all this shit. I didn't know. And all of a sudden, you know, we're kids of the eighties. I liked Errol Smith and Def Leppard and all this shit. And I didn't know I was supposed to do all these things as a rock guy. But one thing I fucking hated that you're going to be mad at me for, not mad at me, but if you know anything about me, it's been all my life is when I go see a band,

I want to go see a band, which means I don't want to fuck around with Dilly Dally. So I was never a seven day guy at the soap factory digging on bands. Yeah. I was never one of those guys. If it was a good band and I heard about it for a few years, I'd fucking bite the bullet and go down and nine on a nine. Have a great time. Yeah.

But I'm not a fucking, I'm not just going to go to the Viper room. I just don't. That's never been who I am. Right. You know what I'm saying? Again. But I never went into comedy either. Yeah.

So I don't want you to think, well, Joey, you were just a cop. No, I never saw. I saw stand up comedy one time before I went on stage. The other shit I saw was Dave Chappelle guy at Central Park at Washington Square Park, which wasn't, but I had never seen organized stand up comedy. Right. I was at the snorting coke and going to bars. Yeah.

Okay. And talking shit and drinking white fucking vodka and orange juices. That's some blue car shit. Yeah. There's an intro. Besides that, I didn't want to drive and get in the fucking car and have to deal with crowds. Yeah. A 50 a drink to fucking.

I can't talk. I don't like talking when you're this music. I don't. I've never been one of those people. Yeah. I never went. I could put, I could put on. I could probably went to seven discos.

Yeah. As many rock clubs as I went to hole in the wall, the soap factory. I went to one and like Staten Island one time to see a band. And then the rest were in Manhattan. Yeah. Like different places, venues in Manhattan. But one band I went to see Dean Delray that just like there's a couple of bands that I just, there's bands I could tolerate.

Yeah. I can't fucking stand looking at Sting. Yeah. But I had to buy those two police albums. I'm sick of this city. Yeah. Because that's who I am. I'm a fan of music.

But when I hate you, I fucking hate you. I, if you watch the documentary that we're about to talk about. Yeah. When I was growing up, I heard about these guys all the time. But I was so like, well, at that age, if you talk to me about Springsteen, I'd look at you and go, get the fuck out of here. The crew I ran with didn't even like Springsteen. I hated Springsteen.

Hated them. Hated everything about all that shit. They was born in the USA. Oh, this is horrible. And I like 10th Avenue Freeza. Yeah. The whole time I was, I was, I am a born to run that album first. Of course.

I couldn't stand it, you know, until like 96. The River, it's good. The River's good. Got a couple of good songs. I'm all about darkness and the first, now I love the first two records and then born to run and darkness, you know, but growing up, I was like, brute, that's my mom's rock. I don't want to hear that shit.

I'm AC DC, you know what I mean? So Eddie Bravo, because you got to watch the Twisted Sister documentary. I'm like, Eddie, are you fucking kidding me? If there's anybody I hated more than Cheap Trick. You hate Cheap Trick? Oh, with all my heart. And I did buy one of their albums in heaven tonight. Oh yeah, great record.

That's a great record. I just could not watch them. I could not watch the guitar player and I could not watch the, and somebody, a friend of mine asked me, do you want to meet the guitar player from Cheap Trick? And I was like, I can't believe you're asking me that. I never liked that fucking dude growing up. God, I love that band.

Dream Police? No, no, no. They got a song on that record called, Gonna Raise Hell. It is so fucking evil. No, no, no, no, no. I love it. I'm a heaven tonight man.

Don't even talk to me live at Budakon. Oh, killer. Live at Budakon sold like, I don't know how many millions. They don't even make those live albums. No one knew how many makes a live album. Double Live Gonzo with Nude. And then you have Live at Budakon, Cheap Trick. And then you got.

Unleashed in the East. And the Swim means the same. And Peter Frampton. Frampton comes alive. That's it. Those are the live records that were at every fucking party. Every party. And they were the soundtracks of fucking.

And all those records saved each one of those bands. Because every time you read about them, you're like, oh yeah, they put out two, three records. They didn't do shit. The label's about to drop them. They go, we'll let you do a live record. It won't cost us nothing. And boom, they fucking blow up from the live record.

And you put on the ripper. From Unleashed in the East. Unleashed in the East. I heard this the other night on the 101 when I was coming home. I almost took the car off the fucking. What was it on Boneyard? Just XM? Boneyard, yeah.

I only have XM. Me too. It came with the car. Fuck, I love it. My wife said you get. This is this. Pick a leaf. This is fun.

Unleashed. Expect me. You turn your back. I'll attack. I smile when I'm sticking at the shadows on the wall. I love it. I love when I'm keeping you. But you won't see me at all.

Oh, here my warming never turn your back. On the river. Well, yeah, I like this part. So great. That is right there, guys. That's a weak rub on. Oh, man. First time I heard that was freshman year study hall.

Yeah. Steve Runney, who ended up moving in with his family two years later, said, have you ever heard that? And the next day he brought that cassette in. Oh, man. And I heard that. There's like two or three. The center.

The center. The center is tremendous. And then diamonds and rust. Diamonds and rust into fucking victim of changes. Oh. And listen, at that age, I knew there was something wrong with the singer. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I knew he'd be the pitch two ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I knew they had to be by the way. I grew up in San Fran. That's what the guys lived on. The music was so great. Yeah, the music was so great. It didn't fucking bother me at all. I didn't care at all. But back to Twisted Sister, guys.

Yeah. I hated makeup. I hated everything they stood for. And for maybe two years, there was a group of kids from my neighborhood, North Bergen, that two nights a week, they'd be like talking to you about Twisted Sister and you'd be like, dog. Yeah. You'd be all coked up so you couldn't really talk,

but you took the ear beating because they just gave you two bumps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, oh my God. You got to see them under the blade, dude. Fucking tremendous. Tickets. Yeah. And finally, on a Friday night or something,

me and my buddy James went to the soap factory and what we witnessed in the first two minutes made us run out that fucking thing. We went to Priest and Black Sabbath. Went to a little bit more serious stuff. It was funny in the movie, they're doing a Sabbath cover, you know, and he's killing it. Remember that?

And they're doing a priest cover too, right? I mean, that's what I meant. It's a priest cover. A priest cover. That's why I was just saying Sabbath. I'm like, did that? Yeah, that's right. What did I miss?

Priest. You know, so it's just, if you have not seen the twist, this is the documentary. Oh, man. And the funny thing is, man, that you really get motivated after you watch it. It's unbelievable, right? It drove me crazy.

Like it cleared my mind. I'm like, I understand what everybody has to go through. Yeah. It's so weird when people quit. Cheryl Crowe has that line in the second album. Yeah. Why quit before the miracle happens? I forget what the fuck it is.

In the third album, whatever the fuck it is, the woman she was dating, Eric Clapton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What album is that? That's the second record. Wow. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a great one.

Oh, that's a good song. Yeah. What is that? What is that? Oh, yeah. That's a killer record. Cheryl Crowe. Yeah.

Uh, it's like a black and white video. Oh, it's good. Is it just Cheryl Crowe? Yeah. And then I'll know the name when I see it. The perfect mistake. Yeah, that's it. God damn, listen to this leap.

That's a great song, man. Shit. This is a great fucking album. It really is. She's got five jams on this show. Yeah, Crowe. Second record. Third.

Third? Third. The second wasn't that big. The second one was Got a Shame. My favorite mistake. My favorite mistake. Yeah, that's it. Yeah.

To Do You Good. And Shame. To Do You Good. I thought this was the second record, too. Check it out on Google to sleeve this out. My favorite mistake. Yeah, let's find out what this is. This is great.

What's that B3? That's my boy on drums, Jim Bogus. That's the live one. That's the live one. Do the studio one. Guitar player in that band is incredible. This album came out in 99. Yeah.

Okay. The first one is 95. The second one was 97. It had a really good song on there. What's the one in 97? There's a really good song on there. For me, it's the first one. I don't know if it's the first one.

I don't know if it's the first one. There's a really good song on there. If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. It's good shit, man. Hold on. No. Cheryl Crowe put out three, four good albums. For real?

Even the first one's a Fugazi. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The first one's a Fugazi, guys. A few people who don't know at home. I don't know the exact story, but the one guy from the band that committed suicide. Yeah, the guitar player.

The guitar player. And then they threw her out of the fucking wake of the funeral. Okay. She went out and let them in and said something that she had written. You find it? I was looking for the discography,

but I found this. Okay. So there you go. The first record is 96. Or sorry, 93. Wow. All I want to do is have some fun. Yeah.

That came out in 93. 93. Wow. And it didn't blow up till 95. Yeah. Then the second record is 96. And you know, that has on there if it makes you happy. Yeah.

That's what I told you. That's a big one there. Yeah. Then this came out. Yeah. And this was she went back to her action. A dirtier. Yeah.

Let's see. I love this song, actually. She had that song, Steve McQueen. Remember that one? That's later. Yeah, yeah. That's 2002. This was when she was still, she went back to her roots.

Yeah. Oh, this record had a Kid Rock one. Picture. I got a picture. Maybe you got it later. It's a great song. I drove around this country with this fucking CD. Yeah.

It's a great fucking song. I drove from LA to Houston, from Houston to Oregon, from Oregon to fucking the Dakotas. Yeah. Back through Green Bay, back through Wisconsin, down through Michigan, back to a triple run. We ended up in Salem, Oregon. Triple run. This is 2000. Yeah.

This is, this started in January of 2000. I came to LA and I bombed so bad in between Doug Standhope and Nick Topolo at the improv one night. Yeah. I said, it's over. Disappearing, this works. This has to work. I gotta go get good. I'm a regular at two of the three, so I'm on the right track.

Right. But something's not working. This was horrendous what I had done. Whether I was stick or shock or shock to where I was, that's one thing. But these jokes were just not cutting it anymore. And I said, I really need to reel on my act. Not that I did anything. All I did was go around the country now and do blow.

Right. That's all I did. I went from city to city doing blow. But I went on this triple Roger Paul, which is basically garbage. Yeah. You know, whatever he tells you, expect to get $100 less. Yeah. You know, expect to get $100 less.

It's just shade your eyes. Yeah. If he tells you a hotel, expect to get charged somewhere. Yeah. But you know what? If you want to get good, this is part of the action. You know what you do? You get a car, low mileage, no cost.

You know, you can't be making a monthly payment. No. All your bills are paid. And those days I used to have child support, if that. Yeah. And that was it. I went on the fucking road and I went in this car with a girl all through that back all the way up to Salem, Oregon, back to LA for two days to El Paso, Texas,

to fucking Miami for two weeks. Wow. Driving? Driving. Wow, Miami. All the way to Miami. All the way, yeah. That's what I'm doing right now, dude.

I mean, just hitting New York and fucking, you know, and going for it. You know, five shows at night, just like figuring it out. You know, man, I do not have the energy I had 10 years ago. Right. You know, when I go out to do comedy and I do well, I get emotional, you know? And then that means I got to come home and what goes up must come down. Yeah. And some nights it takes fucking three hours.

Some nights it takes an hour. If I train that day, maybe, you know, something goes a little awry or something. But it's so weird. I couldn't do seven nights a week. Yeah. Seven nights a week, three sets of nights in time, starting in the Mexican hoods. Yeah. Yeah.

Garcia, Felipe, Willy Borsena, you know, Edwin San Juan in those days, George Perez. My night started there. Yeah. My night always started on the 10th. I ain't complaining, Lee. I get there nice and stone, get some Mexican food, go up on stage, get some more Mexican food. Yeah, yeah. Come back and then you're not at the comedy store.

You had a 12, 15 spot, which meant two. Yep. Which means I'll be walking to pink dot with my man fucking Dean Delray at two for a sandwich, a quarter to two for a sandwich. I'm always walking out there. The next thing you know, you're up, you're down. You don't go home. You don't fall asleep till 4.30.

And you have no addition the next day or whatever. You're walking around wounded. I did that already. Yeah, I hear it. My skin turned, my skin color turned fucking green. You know, it was interesting to see Twist's sister schedule. Like I knew all those places. I had heard the ads and their rise.

Guys, if you get a minute, you know, Lee and I always talk about something. We talk about big major marketing and we talk about good old American marketing. Yeah. You have to see what these guys did. It was crazy. They were genius. What they did to stick out, how they turned it into a business. When the guy came in and said, I went into one of the green rooms and yeah,

I never saw that much money on a fucking table. You guys getting ready to sign him. He's like, I don't think I can afford this. I can't afford this band. And then the band showed their cards. They go, hey, you're going to sign us? We're cheap. And he's like, oh, I got them.

Ten thousand a night they were making. Unbelievable. You know what? And the door just in bars in Long Island, Jersey, selling 3000 tickets. It's insane. They're doing civic centers with no record deal and shit. And you know, that band Zebra, remember, tell me what you want. They're open informed with a record deal.

They're the openers, you know, what was really crazy. And I say it over and over and over on my podcast is if you can figure out and like there's comics that do like Madison Square Garden and stuff, you know, there's something in a band or a comic that somehow catches fire, you know what I mean? Because it's like these guys are doing 3000 seats with no record and no song on the radio. You know, later they pull the scam where they're doing the commercials with their own song. Brilliant. Brilliant.

This is what I'm saying. Yeah. For you people that are in a band, if you're involved in a band, you're young, you want to see marketing without fucking Twitter and Facebook. Yeah. How I told Lee about Errol Smith. You know, in 75, nobody knew, they were on tour. I'm sorry.

Errol Smith was a national band, but all the periodicals that were coming out, cream and stuff, we're talking about their drug problem and drug abuses. And then they might not get back together. I still remember being a kid going, they're not going to get back together. That's amazing after seasons of weather. And then something else came out. Yeah, the night in the reds. No, no, no.

This is rocks. Oh, rock. Oh, I'm talking about before rocks. Yeah, yeah. Rumor was heavy duty that they were done. Yeah. And all of a sudden, I don't know where they haven't knew out. Oh, yeah.

They haven't knew out. No, it was Riemann, the second album. Then I think it's Toys and the Attic and then rocks. If I'm not wrong, you can look it up in your discography there. I don't know if I'm right or wrong, but before rocks, it had to be 75, 76. I wasn't getting high then. I think I was just starting to smoke pot and a friend of mine turned me on to get your wings killer, which is a very fucking good album with a live track.

And they mixed it in with a studio, which is brilliant, right? Rocks was their fourth album. Yes, sir. Yes. So it's after toys and the Attic, the rumor was they were done. Done. I remember being a kid, young, not old enough to give a fuck. It wasn't like my world.

I wasn't the basketball and trying to suck a tent. Yeah, I was at that age. But I remember the kid, the older kids, the Keltos and people. Listen to that music with St. Errol Smith's done their history. Led Zeppelin fucking, they're the kings. It's over. Yeah.

And all of a sudden, bam, they come out with rocks. And it's not just an album. Yeah. It's a fucking masterpiece. You know, and then years later in the book, they revealed that they were just doing heroin and taping whatever. This is crazy, right? Just at the lowest.

When you were out there, do you remember the twist of the sister era? Well, here's the thing, man. Like Twisted Sister was, and they even say it in the movie. They were straight East Coast. Didn't even know where they were. No, no, no. OK. And I remember the first time I went to the East Coast.

I went to New York and we went out to Brooklyn to see some bands. We had a night off. And it's just like they said in the movie, the East Coast were playing covers. West Coast bands didn't play covers. They only played originals to get a record deal where the East Coast, they were playing as jobs. You know what I mean? This is our job.

We play five sets a night. We do it every night. We do covers and we sprinkle in one original each set. So when we went to go see a band on the East Coast, we're like, this place is packed, but they're just playing like Death Leopard. You know, like they're playing Judas Priest and Death Leopard. And we're like, what's going on? When I was growing up, that's who I went to see.

Yeah. I'm happy you brought that up because I don't want people to think. I went to see a band called Sticky Fingers. Yeah. The guy looked like Mick Jagger as much as I look like Mick Jagger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

It was one of those. I had a friend that his name was Vinnie Lynch. Yeah. This guy really looked like Mick Jagger. The guy rested so good dude. We all got buddies like that. Good to be. The Jagger with the big lips.

Big lips. The face. He was just bigger. He was the Navy. And they got mad chicks. Yeah. This guy, Vinnie Lynch, was a bad motherfucker. Like I said, he already died two, three years ago.

But he took me to see the some girls tour. Yeah. He just laid it on me. You want to come take the ride with Philly if your mom lets you. Yeah. There's room in my car. 78, man. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

And he drove me down. Then one of his buddies, I'm still friends with on Facebook, asked me if I wanted to window pay an asset. Yeah. Faraday was on stage. Oh. It was just crazy. But what the fuck are we talking about?

We're just talking about bands. He took me to see Sticky Fingers. I went to see Sticky Fingers. And then there was somebody else that was doing the doors. Yeah. And they were just God awful. Yeah. They were just an insult to me.

You know, at that time, I liked the LA women. And I liked whatever album that's on. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's all. And I liked American Prayer. Yeah. That's a great one, right? The live one with the poetry in it and all that shit.

It's a cool album for the time and stuff, which I can't find. Yeah. I love to find them and just do a review on it. You know what? You see it on the radio? Yeah, yeah, I'll get it for you. OK, I haven't seen it on the road. It's got to be 30 bucks.

Yeah, it's killer. It's got the notes inside, the whole fucking paintings and the whole fucking thing where you're like, what the fuck was Jim Morrison on? Well, that one, it's like Indians on the highway or whatever. It's a boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then it comes in Indians on the highway. It's like so cool.

It's got a vibe. They played it on that movie, the Doris movie. It's a great one. You know, it was those guys. And I felt it was a fucking insult. Yeah. At that age, I had seen, you know, I was going into the city more to see bands.

I was going to see, I was going to the Garden of Palladium. I went to CBGB's, maybe twice. I can't lie to nobody, maybe once. I don't know. Yeah. I went to a hole in the wall, which was in some part of New Jersey. I saw Bon Jovi there. Wow.

You know, a year after, like Bon Jovi blew up. What? Slippery when wet? Yep. No, no, no. Run away. Yeah. Run away.

Run away. Run away. Run away. This is. Thousand Fahrenheit or something. So if you tell me what year, I could tell you when I saw Bon Jovi. Yeah. Did I know that we're going to be stars?

No. I had no idea. I was so, in those days, I go to a band and after eight minutes, all I'd be thinking about was a coke rock in my pocket. And I was going to go back to my home bar, Joe and Mary's. Yeah, yeah. Because God forbid we went away from our home bar. I was always the opposite.

I was got to get front row. I need to get a pick. Okay. I was one of those guys. I got to get a pick. I was one of those guys, too. But I'd be up there like. At the big shows, at the garden shows, the Palladium shows.

When I saw AC DC, I got something. Yeah. But when I go to those small shows, I didn't want to get trapped in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I had trapped somebody once on the Neryl Smith show. Yeah. He was on heroin. I kept burning them with cigarettes and shit.

I kept putting it. There was a chicken in front of him with a halter top. Yeah. And he kept falling asleep with a cigarette. And every time he fell asleep, I'd push him into the chick. And he'd burn her back. Hilarious. I was like, man, I saw Divo once.

I got so stoned, I ate the guy next to his nachos. He's like, dude, what are you doing? I was like, come on, man. I had to start eating on his nachos. I was moated, man. He was mad. Because he had him sitting on the armrest. I just started eating his nachos.

He was pissed. Yeah, I'd seen a lot. And I had gone to a bunch of big shows. And some of them were just bad. I didn't like the sound. Yeah. Like, I got to tell you something. I went to one arena show.

I went to see Ted Nujo and Errol Smith. And it was just, that wasn't for me. I was too much of a fact that I don't want it to sound just like it did in the studio. Yeah. And if it didn't, you're a shitty fucking band. You know, to me, I didn't even notice. I just, I know back then it was so fucking loud. And the energy from the bands was so insane

that I didn't even hear what was going on. It was like, it was like when I went skydiving once, you jump out, it's like an overload. That's what concerts were like to me when I was a kid. Just like, holy shit, there they were. Because there's no internet or anything. I'd be looking at their clothes, their amps, their guitars, and I was like, oh fuck.

And then next thing you know, the two hours is gone. And I'm on the way home going like, wow. I don't even remember the sounds of them. I remember like fire, they would have fire, or they'd be fucking smoke, you know, whatever. Percussive bobs, those ones. That shit that hit your chest, you know, and you go, oh fuck. What was funny, Rudy was here the other day.

And we were talking about the, we spoke about the first tour. Just regular blizzard one. Awesome, yep. And then Randy died, and they came back that October of 82 to a metalhead. Yeah, with Brad Gillis. Check that, see if Ozzy Osbourne. Metalhead.

No, no, just check 82 tour. And see if October, if they were at. Is it Ozzy or Black Sabbath? No, Ozzy Osbourne. Ozzy Osbourne. Brad Gillis put that, or metalhead. No, no, just put Ozzy Osbourne 82 tour. Diary of a madman or something?

That's 83, I think. Oh, there you go. But that was the tour he died on. Oh, no, no, no, 81 to 82 or? He died in April of 82. Okay, so this was right before this, okay. Right, because Brad Gillis, he came back in October, but it was weird how they went from four of them

to now they came back with a castle. Yeah. Let me have a fucking castle and shit. And he was talking about the midget. I forgot all about that. Oh, yeah, they hung them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then the fucking keyboard player was dressed like a reaper up in the top of the castle, just playing like the intro to like Mr. Crowley. Yeah, I forgot all that shower stuff. Yeah, and the stairs came open, you know? It was, and they had a hand come out, like on Iron Man. I remember that, I remember that shit, yeah. That was just crazy.

That was crazy. Yeah, right? Did you usually find them on there? I think it's Diary of a Man, man. Yeah. Okay, look and see. November 5th of 81 started, and then it went until August 8th of 82.

Does that make sense? Yeah. Check out the, they got the tour dates there. It is. Yes, okay. So, Meadowlands. Did I see him at the Meadowlands? Yes, yes, I did see him at the Meadowlands.

I saw him at Oakland Coliseum on that tour. But I saw him at the Palladium first. Yeah, early. Then I saw him early, and then now it's a Friday night. Oh, okay. What's up, guys? It got canceled, it got rescheduled. Well, that's because Randy died, and then they probably came back with Brad Gillis.

And on May 23rd of 82. That's when he came back? That's, yeah, that was the rescheduled tour date, yeah. Yeah. So, they post-pwn dates after he dies, and then they get brad, and they go back out, and they do that tour with him. Then they do that Speak of the Devil, Sabbath cover record. I was gone by that.

Yeah, with Brad. By that time, I'm in Bull, I'm in Aspen, Colorado, Robin fucking come. I was not into music. I remember buying it and going, oh, Jesus Christ. And they showed it on MTV. I was done. I was done by that time. By that time, I had had enough of that whole thing.

I had had a great time. I had seen some great bands. And then I moved to Aspen, and on Friday night, they would have bands at the, I couldn't deal with that. Yeah. The hippie jams? Like, no, just like at the hotel, like people go, what are you doing till nothing? It's gonna be a tremendous band, man.

Oh, yeah. Playing at nine o'clock. Come on over, we'll have some beers. And you go up there, they'd be packed, and the band would be playing like a free bird. Oh, yeah. And deep down inside, listen, you want to play fucking Yellow Submarines. You want to play fucking Cheap Trick.

Don't, don't, don't, don't do what. Let's get it right here. You know what I'm saying? Do me and do yourself the respect. And I would get so aggravated. That's how uptight I was about music. Yeah. I didn't like covers.

I didn't either. I didn't. And that's why I'm sorry. That's what happened. And they explained it during Twisted Sister. Tell them that they had a bunch of cover bands. And now here's this Twisted Sister. And I can't remember names, but who it was, but a couple of my associates that I knew from

different parks were in that Twisted Sister thing. The thing that got me the most about Twisted Sister is the one time they signed, on the way back, the guy dies in a heart attack. I couldn't believe it. You can't believe it. Everything's fucking. Everything. Everything goes wrong.

The one time they're going to, oh, every label's going to come. The guy gets. He gets a brain aneurysm. A brain aneurysm. It's, it's, it makes you want to quit. And these get the guitar player who told the story. He's amazing. Yeah.

JJ French. JJ French. I really got to tell you guys, you get why he was telling you the story. You could see the pain of all those years in his eyes. It really blew me away. It reminded me of doing this, doing this, the disappointment in the beginning, knowing that you might have to get a day job and people going to ask you, hey man, what about when you being the funny guy?

Now at that restaurant, you're the ex-comedian and shit. Totally. Like that scared the living fuck out of me. Yeah. The failure part of this scared the living fuck out of me. Even when I started just doing regular movies and doing comedy, at least I was working. I wasn't somebody.

I didn't give a fuck about that. Yeah. That's what I was saying. At least I was doing something with my life. That's what I said. I said, I've already made it. People are like, man, when you don't want a special and don't you want to get here? Just like, dude, I'm 50.

I've already been here getting spots at the store. I'm in the game. I'm doing the store. Today is my four year anniversary of being passed as a paid regular. And as I watched that fucking documented this morning, I just realized, yeah, I got to keep working my ass off, you know what I mean? Because I've already made it and I want to keep doing this. You know, I want to get great.

And gatekeepers, as you watch that documentary, you realize these gatekeepers, like the head guy of Atlantic. He's like, if anybody talks about Twisted Sisters, they're fired and you're going like, well, wait a minute, they're selling out 3000 cedars. This is just personal with you. And I feel that kind of stuff all the time in the business, you know, like, oh, he's old. Nobody's going to want to watch that.

And it's like, well, wait a minute, he's out headlining. Yeah, well, he's this. And then they go, well, wait a minute. His podcast is in the top 200. Yeah. But, you know, and after a while, they won't admit they're wrong. These gatekeepers, man, I was watching that. Weren't you watching that go like this fucking guy?

Listen, here's the beauty of this stuff that I've been here. You mentioned your fourth anniversary. Yeah. And I went down to, I went down to the store Thanksgiving night. Yeah. I did that for a reason, you know, all my shit. My brother told me once. You do everything calculated.

I went down to the store because I wanted to remind myself how lucky I was. Totally. Who the fuck am I, dog? I've got Rob and fucking grocery stores right now in the Bronx. Yeah. You know, who the fuck are you? You want me to lie to the entire? Yeah.

Dog, I stuck with something for 20 years. Yeah. February, if God wants, I'm still here. 20 fucking years, I've been a regular. Showcased in front of Mitzi Shore. Never had none. Nothing ever happened to me from the day they released me from that fucking halfway house to 98, 90, whatever the fuck she made me, 97.

Nothing happened in my life. It was seven years of one smack to the face to the other from going to jail to get evicted, to being on the top of the list and then giving you three minutes and walking away from you. Yeah. And you don't want between you and I? You look at Dane Cook. You look at Ralphie May. You look at Sebastian.

You look at, you know, I can name 10 guys that have been around longer than me and have, they're on their fourth or fifth special. Yeah. That never bothered me. That never bothered me. Yeah. Because deep down inside, I was just lucky to be in the fucking game. It's exactly what I say.

I was just lucky to be in the game from time to time. You get a movie, you know what? I don't want nobody in the whole app. Yeah. I never wanted it. This, I was very, every morning I woke up. I just want to work. Yeah.

Every morning I woke up and I knew who the fuck I was. Yeah. And what my expectations were. Every time I talk to somebody like, oh listen, I'm never going to bother you about being on Letterman or Leto or Get Me On, whatever, or if you don't get me on HBO, you're fired. I know my limitations. I just want to work. I want a little movie from time to time.

Yeah. I want level one insurance. Yeah. Exactly. No, okay. Level one insurance don't mean shit to you at home. That means the world to me. Okay.

Me too. I go to acupuncture. I could get fucking go to a chiropractor once every eight weeks. Yeah. It comes with perks, bitches. Okay. And that's what I never wanted. I'm very fortunate.

My specials coming out of December 8th. Is it good? Is it bad? I have no fucking idea. Yeah. I wish I could tell you. What I do know is I put my heart into it. For me, it's a milestone.

It's 25 years. I was in a fucking hole before that. Totally. And here we are. I go up there and I see fucking Mark Marin. I see fucking Eliza. I'm on a show last night with Ari. Yeah.

You know, I walked past and there's fucking whatever the ad day. And I'm like, I guess something. I did something right. I didn't do nothing right. I just dug with it. Yeah, exactly. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I just dug with it.

And when I watched that documentary by Twisted Sister, I'm like, this is where I got my balls from. I drank that same water. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. Me too. They were saying it. When they said they had opportunities to work in LA and they go, for what?

Yeah. To pay to play. They're fucking crazy. They were making bank in Jersey. They didn't give a fuck. And you know what? It really impressed me about them, man. Later, I haven't gotten a lot of anxiety before I go on stage.

You know. Really? Yeah. I get a little bit of anxiety. It really happened at the motherfucking comedy jam, you know, singing and shit. Yeah. And it's so funny.

One thing I will tell you about Twisted Sister. They pay to play. They play to fucking die. Totally. And that's something that you are generating. People who are around at least, I add that you'll never see. You know, Lee goes to a show and it's two guys with turntables. Yeah.

Jumping up and down. And pre-recorded stuff. That's all great stuff. When five guys go out there with no shirts on and they're drenched. Yeah. And three of them on heroin and God knows what else. Yep. And they're doing this.

What were they saying? Year after year. Groundhog stage set. After year. Just five nights a week. Right? That's what they were playing. Yeah.

That was all they knew. And in those days, they were like, I would hear about Twisted... Like when they were talking about 82, that's when I would listen to the radio. Yeah. And finally, when that broke down, I went to see Twisted Sister. And I didn't know what the fuck to expect. But that's one thing that taught me that they didn't give a fuck. No.

They played. They went on stage to destroy that motherfucker. Even if you don't like the music, I was telling Joey, you have to watch this for work ethic. You love these people. Like some people, they don't understand. I've been standing on wood, I tell people, for 32 years. I played music for 25, now comedy for seven.

That's how I look at it. This is what I do. I've been fucking performing all my life. And I look at those guys and that's what they do, you know? And when I told you, when I hosted that Ricky Rackman's cat house thing last month. That they ripped it up. I still cannot believe how fucking out.

Powerful. I couldn't believe. Powerful. I was two feet away from D-Snow. I just got goosebumps right now. He was up there and that scene where they say, D would just call guys out. You fucking guy with your arms crossed. Get the fuck out.

And the whole arena would go, get the fuck out. He did that. At the rock scene, right to it, guy goes, you with the fucking short hair, bummed because your life didn't go right. Put your fucking arms in the air. Fucking start rocking. You know, and the guy came up to me and he was, he pointed me out, man. It was, wow, he saw me.

That's because the guy is looking at everyone in the crowd. He wants to kick ass and take names, you know? And man, he sings fucking great. Like his voice is killer still right now. You know, the guy's like 60 something, right? You know, it just showed me that the war of art is the war of art. Yeah. That's what that documentary show, I've always known.

I'm not a fucking retard. We have to pay for this at every level. Whether you want to be draw pictures, make music, write comedy, be a comic, you know, be a singer and all that stuff. You got to pay for it somewhere. And to watch that, no, that finally somebody, the guy that threw away that picture, he saw that picture a month before. Unbelievable.

The assistant gave this, Carson gave this, we'll break it down please because I'll fuck it up. Okay. So there's a guy in fucking Atlantic records in New York. He sees Twisted Sister twice and the head guy goes, nope. I don't want you to mention him again or you're fucking fired. And so then he runs into this guy, Carson, who's the head of Twisted Sister in, our head of Atlantic records in London. And he hands him the shit and on the plane, he looks at one photo of him, just throws it in

the garbage, right? He's just like, nah, look at those guys look like clowns. And then two weeks later, they're on TV on that tube show. And he's like, oh, shit, I'm signing these guys. You know what I mean? That was fucking. And then the head guy goes, they suck. And he goes, yeah, they suck, but we're going to sell millions of records.

This is a business, quit being personal. Right? That was crazy, man. I couldn't believe it. I can't believe you brought up the gay keep. That's a, it really, it really sat with me, Joey, because as much as I do comedy every night, you know, and also played music, you always have three or four people that are heads of something and whatever they don't think is cool in their mind.

Like, I don't think this is cool. Then they, instead of looking at it as like, well, shit, this guy's killing every night. They're like, yeah, but my friends don't think that's cool. So I don't want to bring that on. You know what I mean? And they're the gatekeepers. And then when that gatekeeper goes, another person comes. You know, what happened?

You throw up every time I come, Lee throws up. I gave the death chocolate. Does the chocolate taste shitty? Cause you never like it. This chocolate is good. It's expressed on coffee. Yeah. How could you not like that?

First of all, this chocolate actually does taste pretty good. Second of all, it also has about 8,000 million, whatever milligrams of T18. Yeah. I know, but does that taste like something? Yeah. Like marijuana leaves. Oh my goodness. It's just, listen, let me tell you something, brother.

Yeah. Let me tell you what I'm living through. First of all, I look at you full inspiration. I talk to people now. Yeah. That 10 years ago, I used to ask Joe Rogan, why would they bring me and Ari on the road with them? Yeah.

It's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. Joe would get calls a month before he'd go to a comedy club, and they'd say, do you have to bring Diaz with you? Yeah. And he would tell me on the way, dog, these people don't want you there.

I'm bringing you anyway. Yeah. You know, the only place to have beg them on their hands and knees is the comedy magic club. They're like, what if we give you like 10 grand and just leave Diaz at home? People ran out last time. Yeah.

The last time I was there, people were just stiff. Those people are scared. Oh, my God. They're scared. They're living in bubbles of money down there. I mean, it's not bomb all the time. Yeah. When I'm around people that are not church people,

I just bomb. I just bomb and I love it. Oh, I keep going. Yeah. I keep going at the four-minute mark. Yeah. If I know that I dig it. You know, me, dog, I got to push the tag up.

At least I got to get entertained out of this deal. Totally. You know, so it's really interesting that I'm talking to people now today that you're a damn Thanksgiving. I called the guy that 10 years ago. He called my hotel room to see if I could get him free tickets to the U of C from Joe Rogan. I just hung up on them.

Because I was, you know, I knew they didn't like me. Yeah. So why are you talking to me? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I know when you like me. Why are you talking to me? Yeah.

You know, I'm one of those people that I cut that out with people when I like quickly. Yeah. A couple years ago, a commercial audition, this dude came up and was like, hey, man, you're one of my favorite comedians. Like, oh, that's funny because you have a tour and a room in Venice. You never put me in.

Yeah. Right. If I'm so funny, you'd have me there. He was like, ah, yeah, let's go away. All right. Why are you lying to me for? Nobody's, it's, it's, and it's never, listen, I've been around for too long to let this affect me.

Yeah. Like if I was the old Joey Diaz 20 years ago, I'd tell all these people to suck my dick. Yeah. Which means I wouldn't work today. Yeah. I'd work in four clubs. Yeah.

Yeah, right? There was only like five comedy club owners that really like booked me and tried to headline me and said, get one more credit. Everybody else always said, you know, they don't like the drug angle or whatever. So it's like the funniest thing I've seen lately is all the people that they have on camera going

to Trump's tower trying to get a job now. Yeah. It, you know, man, it seems funny to you guys. You both giggle. It's very embarrassing to a guy like me. Yeah. It's very embarrassing to a guy like me. And I went to the, I went to this place earlier

and I bumped into this guy and I met this guy a couple of times. He's a big time at the May guy and the guy pulled me over to say how mad Rhonda Rousey was at Joe Rogan. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Not only Joe Rogan, anybody who in that time period that she got knocked out, anybody who said anything on the negative end, like she's just furious.

And she has a long list and she was very angry. And you know, if I don't, you know, it doesn't pertain to me. I really don't give a fuck. Right. But I've had that type of anger. It knows, you know, it doesn't get you nowhere. I don't even know what to talk about. I remember Burr told me specifically a couple years ago

and it saved me big time. He said, we're, we're in the green room. And I was like, yeah, man, this fucking and that fucking. And he goes, Hey man, I know you. You're going to get there. You got fucking mad drive and you're funny. You're going to get there. And when you do, don't fucking tell those people to fuck off

that close the doors. Yeah, no, no, no. And he told me right away. It goes because it's not personal. It's just business. It's a business. That's it. This is a fucking business.

What he told me that man, I took it in and I never forgot it, man. I get it. I get it. Once they can get something from you, you're in. Do you think what's going on right now? I could have handled 15 years ago. This would have been done. Right.

This podcast with Lee, I would have treated. Lee would have been here waiting for me 10 days already. Yeah. There would have been times I would have told Lee, six a.m. Lee wouldn't have heard from me for days. Yeah. It'd be embarrassing. This would have not worked.

This, no, no, this would have worked if I was doing drugs. Yeah. This, it's been a lot of work, you know, and. Look, there was a ton of naysayers in the beginning. And I'm just happy that the podcast is still afloat. I don't care about number one and number two. That's never concerned me. That may be there.

That'll drive you crazy. That type of stuff will drive you crazy. All you could do is go out there and do the best job that you could do. You know, I learned a lot from that Twisted Sister document. I did too, man. He charged me. I watched the first half was a little, it took a while to pick up Uncle Joey. Yep.

And then once it did pick up, it was like, oh fuck, this is me. It's all about work ethic. That whole fucking movie is about work ethic because over and over and over, they keep getting dealt the shit cards. I'll tell you what, that's not work ethic. It's not work ethic. It's called a strong American back. Yep.

A strong American back. You know what? I think after the guy would have had a heart attack on the plane, I would have quit. Yeah. I would have quit the band. I don't know if I would have quit playing music. Don't get me wrong. Right.

Me personally, I think these guys are fucking the malook. They got to have the malook on them. Yeah. Yeah. That's me. That's in my own heart. I would have quit after the guy died, but this night, it was very intelligent. Oh God.

Listen, any man that's successful has one guy that's business savvy from Mick Jagger. Totally. Two. I don't know who it was in Led Zeppelin. Well, they had Peter Grant, the best manager on the planet. That was what it was about. You dream to have a manager like that guy. He invented that thing where before, when you'd come over to tour, the venue got 90%

and the band got 10. And then when Zeppelin came over, he goes, no, no, the band gets 90, you get 10. And they go, no. And he goes, cool. And then they realized, I'd rather have 10% of Zeppelin than nothing. And they changed the whole fucking game. And they had to pay upfront. Had to pay upfront.

They had to pay the tickets up front, the full cost on the tickets, or they would not play the venue. It was, it was. So excellent manager. Excellent manager. But another band that had personal tragedies, you know, Karik, his son died. Robert Plant lost his son to somebody else. Died.

Oh, the Bonzo dies. He's got a book that was the end of the band. But in those nine albums, you look at all the adversity, you know, that you have to put. Car crash in 75. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a car crash. Crash. Car crash.

There was a sun that died. Sun that died. There was a couple of fucking issues that came up, man. And they put out some of the best music they ever put out after that. Like nothing fucking happened. It took a couple of years. Yeah. Presence.

It took a couple of years, presence. But I respect that. Listen, man, I hate to, you know, I was not liked as a comic. The only person that liked me was one person. Mitzi, motherfucking sure. Yeah. That's all that mattered. That was it.

Cooper gave me spots at the Impra, but off nights. Yeah. I wasn't there with Sarah Silverman, the kid from Canada. And that was a complete different crew then. The Friday night. I wasn't getting Friday night spots at the Impra. Yeah, I think that was happening. Yeah.

The only place that was giving me Friday night spots was the store in Saturday. Late like a motherfucker. But I could talk shit. Yeah. It's where you tonight, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But everything else, like the comedy was a disappointment. Like I was just confused totally about comedy.

Yeah, totally. I'm meeting it right now on air completely from A to Z. I didn't understand what the fuck they were talking about. You know, I didn't know about the tickets. I didn't know about the money. I thought if you were funny and then they had a formula. Yeah. And once that formula hit, I thought that was when you rate.

That's why I went by the formula and nothing happened. Right. So the game changed, game changed in front of me. It wasn't what I thought it was. Same with me when I got it. Yeah. I realized you get in the change, the game changes. Yeah.

Well, you think on the outside, if you're, if you're making people laugh, then okay, then you've made, you're, you're, you're going to be working. And then really quickly you realize, oh, it's not about that. You know what I mean? It's, it's, it's all kinds of different games going on, you know, and you're going like, wait a minute. I just killed in there and they're like, that doesn't matter. You know, and that's when I think you can realize, well, I don't need to kill.

Then I want to be myself. I want to have my own voice. If it's not about killing, then I might as well be up here being myself. You know what I mean? And that's what I realized when Ian Edwards told me like, man, you're just doing bullshit up there. And I was like, he's right. And I started all over.

Like, well, if it's not about, you know, just rocking it, I'm just going to be up here and do my thing. Where's Tony Bennett at? Oh shit. Oh my God. It's a beautiful way to end the nice weekend. Start a new week. I love you, dude.

Thanks for having me, man. Every time. Some somebody twice as smart as us. Somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me. Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company. Let me give some shout outs right now. Wednesday night. Excuse me.

Wednesday night, Brandon, my man from weed maps showed up with a bag of fucking goodies. I want to thank you. Thank you very much for the t-shirts and the hoodie and the hat. When Lee comes over tomorrow, I'll give him a nice little black hoodie and a t-shirt. So he could be the new weed maps to it. You know what I'm saying? You're going to look fucking sharp in the daytime. All Dean Franco, Andrew Reigns, Crystal Fran, the Joe Zone, my man, one by one podcast,

Campion Del Mundo, and cocaine tamales hanging in there. You bad mother fucker. You know what I'm saying? It was something I had to ask you about this Twisted Sister documentary. The one last thing I wanted to go over with you that was interesting about it. And I can't, and I got stoned and I can't fucking remember what the hell it was. Fuck. Anyway, it doesn't really matter.

It was who the fuck knows. I got high and I forgot. I'm sorry people. It happens. It happens to everybody. You have a thought. Tony Bennett came on. I reflected on Tony Bennett.

Now I'm following what I'm saying. Next thing I got to cope with or next thing I got to focus or write it the fuck down. The movie's on Netflix if you guys want to see it. What's the name of it? It's called Twisted Fucking Sister. Jesus Christ. We are Twisted Fucking Sister. And man, I tell you, some of the footage on that is so fucking cool.

And man, like Dee Snyder with the same girl from day one. I gotta tell you what impressed me about Dee Snyder. His singing never impressed me. I saw him in some talk shows and he grabbed me one time. He did. He was on a show, maybe. Remember when they were trying to, in 1985, in 1985, 1986, we got into a weird dilemma in this country about cursing on albums.

Yep. And one night it was Vice President's wife. Al Gore's wife. Al Gore's wife was going after him. Frank Zappa. And Zappa. There was a couple of them that she was going after. And I heard his speech about it and it really blew me away that he was so articulate

and he had done the research. And I didn't become a fan of them. Yeah. But now I liked him a little bit like him. He ate her alive. Yeah, he ate her alive. It was her and that dick from the Beach Boys, Wilson. He was like, oh, yeah, this is not music for kids.

And then him and Frank Zappa just handed them their asses with knowledge. They thought they were just going to battle some buffoon rockers. And they were like, sorry, here you go. Oh, and they wore amazing suits just to shut them down. They came in all looking good. And ate them up, man. And and what's funny is that that's when the labeling happened on records and the records sold bigger than ever.

It backfired because everybody because they had those records with no swear. No one bought them. No one bought them. Remember that they'd be right next to the one with the label. You just walk right by that one. It was crazy. And that's when I got some respect from Moley. This guy's a sharp fucking dude.

Yeah. And then I didn't pay attention to music. I didn't know they broke up. I didn't know nothing. The only thing I knew was when I was a kid, that fucking song came out in 84. And we were going through a cocaine epidemic. Yeah. Totally.

And it was like, I would just call people up and go, I want to rock. And we would just laugh on the phone. Yeah. That was it. That was the way when you dance asleep, you're like, hello, I want to rock. Yeah. Come on, man, call me back. They call them back.

I want to rock. Yeah, yeah. I used to say, I'm smoking rock. In those days, I was just snorting rock. But I had this one buddy in particular who had a Funo Paula. And I would call the Funo Paula and his father would answer. And I'd go, I want to rock. Rocks.

There's no rock here. He was like old at the time. And his son would get out. What are you telling my dad about rocks? Well, nothing, man. I'm just fucking with him. That's so great. I love that song because of that.

Because what happened was then, somebody, they started making music videos. Yep. And two of their videos blew up. Blew up. They had that one with the guy from Animal House. Remember, what do you want to do with your life? Yeah, boys had off and you'd fly out of the house and shit.

Jesus Christ, that was a long time ago. It really was, man. I mean, Twisted Sister is, you know, still around. I mean, you know, they just retired, but they're still around. Man, since 70, what was that? 73 or something? 75? They're out there doing that circuit till two, three weeks ago when I saw them.

I mean, all the odds, they should have been done right after the first guy has the heart attack on the plane, the record guy. And here they are still rolling and D wrote all that stuff. I never even knew that. You know, like when D says he's in the room and he goes, I'm going to show that JJ French. Fuck him, man. I'm going to, I'm going to write the best songs ever.

And then JJ French was like, I'm going to show those other bands. We're going to eat them alive. They're drive, you know, to just become fucking great was amazing. Right. And they all learned as they were going along the way with the costumes. Yeah. Then also they started merchandising shirts, fan clubs. Emma, you know, he didn't want fans.

Yeah. He wanted. Sick motherfuckers. Sick motherfuckers. I mean, I thought that was brilliant. And I remember part of all that. I can't tell you, I remember it fully. I remember bits and pieces of it that listen, man, I don't do it for months.

I do it because that's how these things go on. If they fit. Sometimes you're a misfit, man. Yeah. I'm a misfit. Me too. I'm a misfit since day one. We're in our fifties doing comedy.

We're outside of the motherfucking box. Last night I'm in the main room. Yeah. And it's like, last night I got to jump on them in the main room, which is always great. I know, right? Yeah. If you had to build up in the main room, it's a fucking nightmare. I got to jump on them in the main room and the left side didn't like me.

Yeah. But the back liked me, the right liked me and the middle really liked me. There were people like, well, from Studio City. Yeah. And I was just drilling Studio City, the ISIS, the whole fucking thing. Yeah. And it's just like I'm used to it now. Like I accepted a long time ago that everybody's gonna like it.

That's just the way life is. Who gives a fuck? Totally. Go out there and give it 150% because not everybody's gonna like it. It doesn't matter who the fuck you are. Listen, they killed Jesus. Yeah. Nobody liked that me.

He wasn't asking for Doremi. He wasn't telling you that. He wasn't looking for spots. Yeah, no. Yeah, he wasn't looking for spots. I mean, it's just that you gotta go out there and understand who you are. The first night of the fucking that tour. What's that tour I did this year?

Hotball. Hotball. The first night was this fucking death sentence. Yeah. But you know what? I went back to my room and I looked at some of the stuff and I rewrote some of the stuff and I made adjustments. The next night did a little better and I go, oh, I know what I gotta do.

And then I went the next night and it was really good. The fucking third night, you know? And that's what we're supposed to do is make adjustments along the way, not give the fuck up because you had a bad set. Dog, if I was only give up because I had a bad set, oh, I always think of Ogden, Utah. I think of Bremerton, Washington. I think of fucking Moscow, Idaho. I think of Edmonton.

Oh, I never went up that far to bomb. That far from my house. That's the worst. When you go six hours to bomb, that's a motherfucker. And then the six hours back, that's like a UFC fight on a long flight. After they knocked you out in the first round. That's a long fucking flight. That flight home, I just kept going like, wow, wow.

I think that I truly believe that these epic bad shows that we have are, they come at right times in your life. You're cruising, maybe you're doing a little too much of everything. Okay, I'm podcasting, I'm comedy. Okay. And then I go to a concert and then I go to a movie and then boom, a bad set comes. You go, oh, that's right. I need to sit down and fucking focus.

I think they come at the right time for me, at least. And they knock me into a fierce mode of vision of like, I've got to get this going. I go through this. Like right now, I'm going through something that because I'm used to. I'm not panicking. Yeah. Right now I'm going through the state of integrating new material, but it ain't going nowhere.

Right. It just isn't going nowhere. No matter how I integrated it, I put something new in last night that really happened. And it worked a little bit. Let me see where it goes, but it's been a slow and it's going to be another slow month. And I got a big new year's gig and I got a gig on the 21st at the Chinese restaurant, Ventura. Oh, that place is great.

Oh, it's great. I love it. You know, I got a big month and I got a right, but right now I know I'm not in panic mode. It's just not working. Right now I'm in the mode that just go on stage and do the best you can or what you got. Go 50, 50. It's a 15 minute set. Just do a minute of every joke, do 30 minutes and 15 and leave them breathless.

When you walk off stage, just your energy will even breathless. That's where I am right now. I'm just doing smoke and mirrors. I'm not writing. I'm writing, but not writing. I'm writing, but it's, yeah, but I know me and Leo talk about this in the car. And also we'll go out on the way back. Leo, where'd you get those three bits from me?

The one two I wrote two nights ago and the one I put together tonight. And you just put together seven minutes, my friend. Plus the three you had. That's fucking whatever, 10, whatever. That's true. Boom. I got myself 10 minutes with last week. I had wugats.

Yeah. I had zero. That was a fartly. I think that's your turn. No, that's my jam. Sorry. I thought he was killing over that. Turkey was coming out of his shit.

Oh, I've been farting all weekend. Did you make stove top? No, I'm not a big stuffing guy. So what did you make? You didn't make stuffing at all? No, no stuff. Just string beans, mashed potatoes. You shoved it up.

And the American cheese. Yep. No, so sorry to throw you off on the food thing. I just feel that after I saw that movie, like when I got up last night, I got up at four and I stayed up for like an hour and a half. And I thought about all the times I could have quit. But I crack a joke all the time about Richard Gere. I couldn't quit.

No, I couldn't quit. By 96, I could not quit. Because I couldn't go anywhere. I'm never quitting. I had 500 dollars in the bank, maybe. Yeah. The car was worth six. I owed thousands.

Yeah. Thousands of dollars. The smart move for me in those days was to. And I even went back to New York for seven months. And I made a little bit of money, but not enough to convince me to quit. Yeah. Not enough to convince me to quit.

New York was where I found my niche. And then I went back to Colorado. That's where I fucking really. And then I went to Seattle and banged it out. And you know, like I said, February 19th of 2017, I'll be a regular at the store for 17 years. That's badass. A lot of ways for somebody else.

They'd say, man, you're a fucking failure. He would have for 20 years. Let me tell you something, my friend. Yeah. I saw them all coming though. I saw people fold them to pressure in that fucking room. I saw people die a slow death in that room. I learned lessons about life in that room,

about seeing top comics fold behind a woman one night and never coming back in that fucking room. Yep. I see people tap out every day. I learned love about that room. And I'm still there. 20 fucking years deep now, right? Jesus Christ.

That place saved my life. It really did. It saved my life too. Saved my life. In so many ways. Thursday I'm driving down there and I stop at the light right before the grocery store on Laurel Canyon. Oh, yeah.

And if you make that right there, you got to go a thousand different directions, but Ralphie was out of the house there. Yeah. And the one year we spent Thanksgiving up there. Ralphie told the story out here, but it's a little bit crazy the way he told it. It was myself, my wife at the time we were just dating.

Marilyn Martinez, her husband, some other friends of ours from Houston. And to be honest with you, Ralphie at that time was the only one that was making money. You know, he was making real money. They called me up and he goes, where are you eating, cow cow? Man, I made 10 turkeys and locked the tail.

And then we went up there and he treated us like a king. Ralphie always was generous. When Ralphie first started rocking, he took me under his wing and every time he'd see me, he'd throw me a fucking yardstick. But in his table at that time, Marilyn's been dead nine years. So this had to be 10 years ago.

Right. So I was still doing blow. Was I still doing blow? Maybe because I quit in 2007. So this is 2006. Yeah, I'm still doing blow. I'm up there with my wife. I'm up there with Ralphie's wife.

We're up in this house having a great time. And my phone goes off and the county still goes, hey, you got a spot of 1045, but three people canceled. Can you get here at 10 o'clock? The only problem was during the football game, Ralphie took this bag of mushrooms out. And we started chewing on these fucking things.

And you know me, I'm a savage. Yeah. I started eating these fucking crispy mushrooms. I mean, stems and buds. I take two of them, put them in my pocket. I go down to the comic store. Now Ralphie's got a jar of weed, like I said, with a lid on it.

It's got a half pound, maybe 10 ounces in there. Just managed. Just open it up and take a butt out and break it up and put it in either of the four bungs that are on the table. Then in the middle of the room, he's got a salami, cold cut, gouda, three different type of cheese, fruit. In the fucking main room, he's got ribs, brisket.

And then the main main room, he's got turkey and stuffing and all that shimmy. He's the city of it. Yeah, it was just a city of food. You know, all types of desserts from Gelsons and some other bakery that his assistant went to. Ralphie just went all out. And he went all out for us and his family.

I don't even think he had kids then. Maybe one kid, maybe. And but the moral story is we all eat these fucking mushrooms. Ralphie, Chomsonam, Marilyn Martinez, God bless her soul, Chomsonam, her husband, Chomsonam. And we shoot down to the fucking store. And there's gotta be 80 people. And they're ready to go.

And when I walk in the fucking original room, dog, you know, the neon, the room just turned purple. And I go up on stage and this room is fucking. But now there's neon at the comedy store. If you go up there and you're very quiet, or there's not a lot of people in the room, you could hear the neon going, besides, think about what happens

when you eat three grams of fucking mushrooms. It was buzzing purple. Is that the right thing to say? Like it was purple buzz in here. And I went up there and I was bombing for about four minutes. And then I got the emotional in from the mushroom and I just unleashed on him. But at the time I got off that stage, dog,

I was in full force tripping. Wow. I got off that stage and ran in my car with my wife and we just got the fuck out of there. I got a package from Chewy. Yeah. I had a valium in my pocket from somewhere in there. Because in those days at the store,

the longer you were there, the more shit you picked up. Oh, yeah. Somebody would give you $10 worth of meth. Handoffs. Oh, it was tremendous. Yeah, handoffs all fucking night in there. That's fucking crazy, man. What's up, Lee?

You still have, you got a spot at 10.45. I had a spot like 11, Lee, or something. So what does an hour difference? But it was like five o'clock. Well, am I going to hold off a nine-year mushroom for five years? Yeah, of course. I took a guess. I took the mushrooms when they're good.

Yeah. And I ate them. And I ate them. And I ate them. And none happened. And then my digestion got to the, you know, how to eat turkey and stuffing and fucking spare ribs and cheese and fuck it.

You just figured they'd go away. Yeah, no, they didn't go away. Now my stomach got the process of the fucking, the mescaline or whatever fuck I mean, the mushrooms. And now Lee, it's all hit me at once. Oh my God. But it hit me when I walked into that fucking original room. When I got to the top of those stairs,

and I heard that neon and all of a sudden they go, come into the stairs, here's Joey Diaz. And I go up there and fucking that room. And there was red in the room, but I didn't see it. It all turned purple. Yeah. But the moral of the story was Maryland was there, Ralph, he was there.

It was happy times. Maryland and her husband are both dead. And obviously Maryland, Ralph and his wife aren't together no more. Yeah. They had the two dogs. We went and walked the dogs. We got high.

So the other night, I don't even bother Lee Thanksgiving night. I just got in the car, made a left and went down Laurel Canyon. And I got into the economy store. I parked the car. There's people in there. You know, I go through the kitchen. The ladies back there bartending. And there's another cute waitress working that night.

Yeah. I get a water from the bartender. I walk onto the hallway and I make a left. And I lean back at the bar. Now I'm not by the stairway. Yeah. I'm farthest from the bathroom as I could be. Okay.

I lean my backpack. I open up my water. I drink it. And I just look, you know, just to see I've been coming here. You know, how lucky am I, I'm still here. And all of a sudden it looks straight ahead. There's a picture of Marilyn Martinez staring right straight at me. Wow.

And I reached over and touched it. And I said, God bless you. That's crazy. I can't believe you're right fucking here. Next time you go to the store, make the left out of the original. And just pull back. And right there, it's on the bottom shelf. And I even pulled it out a little bit just to let her know I'm watching.

Yeah. Nine years later, nobody talks about you when they still remember you. Because that's who I went down to that night. We're Ralphie in the fucking shrooms. You know, man, you go through a lot of shit here. That's like my, that was it. That's my son's anarchy. That was my mafia.

It was the comedy store. That was it. Yeah. Yeah. That's your organization I didn't want to be a part of. I ended up being a part of, you know. Yeah, man. I fucking love it there.

And it's like, you know, four years today, man. Four years of paid regular. And it's like the greatest day of my life. And I've done fucking tons of shit in my life, tons of shit. You know what I mean? Signed record deals, played music, toured all over. None of it comes close to that. $15 a set.

Yeah. And I don't even, I don't, I never even think of the money. $15 a set. Yeah, I never even. That's the happiness we get as individuals. I don't even think about that ever. Alls I think about is like, oh, shit. Here I'm going up the original room again.

The original room again. Original, you know what I mean? And it's just like, it's so fucking good to me, man. I love that place. It's just, it can, to me, it represents rock and roll still. Just the vibe of it. It's raw, it's dangerous and it's fucking rocking. It represents your rock and roll.

Yeah. That's the most important thing about the store. I think when people go to the store, they know going in that this place is a little freer. Totally. That the people go in there and push it to the hill. You're at the fucking comedy store, Jack. Yeah.

You know, if you know anything about comedy and reputation, you know, we go in there and push it to the hill. This is it. Sometimes the shit you want to hear, sometimes it ain't. Yeah. Yeah. That's part of the fucking art is making it something you want to hear. Tell me.

You're following me. That's the art. Whether you want to hear it or not, I'm going to make you hear it in my fucking way. And you're going to hear it and that might not be the best way. And you might laugh and you might not. Oh, there's a Frenchman's fuck. Take a chance.

Columbus did bitch. Yeah. Swam. I love when you say stuff in there and you see people pull back and then you deliver the next thing and they're dying. I have to. But yeah, yeah. But that's 25 years.

Yeah. That's 25 years of, you know, I was watching a clip from Joe Rogan last week and he had the boxer on. Did anybody watch that podcast? It was pretty interesting. I want to watch it though. It was pretty. I forget what his name is.

Shannon Briggs. Is that his name? I think. Yeah, the channel. Yeah. And it was so funny. He was telling the story. He had a clip on Twitter and it was funny when he told the story.

I was laughing, but he told, they cut it out and put it on Twitter about him having one kickboxing match. Yeah. And oh yeah, I saw a clip. I saw like a Instagram thing on that. Yeah. And he said how he punched the guy. And the guy goes, hmm, this guy doesn't punch too hard.

Let me get in there a little closer. Yeah. And all of a sudden I leased the cannon on him and he went. The more you do something, the more shortcuts you learn. Yeah. Number two, hence the more tricks you learn. You know how to take a room now and really rock it. You know, I remember still going into the main room

and just being overwhelmed. Yeah. Yeah. And then opening for Paul Rodriguez and Bakersfield by Salia. There'd been a thousand people that me just being overwhelmed. Yeah. It took a while to learn, but it takes a while to develop at every level. The same way with a band.

One for a year when the garage we're doing by Mitzvah's. Yeah. A Lee's sister's friend has a garage and they charge admission and we go there and rock out. And then we start going to rock clubs. Then we move up to whiskey or go go maybe five, six years later. Yeah. I'm saying.

And then with God's help, we get a fucking record deal. And next thing you know, we're on the road with guns and fucking roses. That's the plan. Fuck yeah. That's the plan. Like I had a, I had a great friend growing up. I'm lying to you people. He wasn't a great friend.

He was family with a great friend of mine. There were cousins and growing up. I saw him maybe two or three times, but already he was like on a school band. Yeah. And that band got really popular and he ended up going to Japan. Wow. That shit's crazy. Right.

When someone goes to Japan with a young and for years, he stayed in Japan because his band was an all white heavy metal band that did covers. I forget the name of the fucking band. Right. His name was, I think it was Bobby Bender. Yes, it was Bobby Bender. He was a drummer with one of those bands and they were doing something big in Japan. But who knows whether he made it big or not.

He did his dream. He made a living. Totally. He's probably still in Japan teaching drumming to little fucking Japanese kids who want to be heavy metal drummers. Who knows? Yeah. Telling stories of his days on the fucking road and Yamasaki.

Totally. You know, growing that sixth fucking toe after he did that nuclear plant and fucking Tsukunuku. Yeah, yeah, right. The Hiroshima Meltdown surprise. Lee, you look like you went through the Hiroshima Meltdown. Take a look at that. Lee. That fucking chocolate hit you like a, like a Yoromero knee to the head.

Yeah, you mean a second piece of chocolate. I'm doing cool. You doing cool? Mumbles. Oh my God. Is mom at home tonight waiting for you? Yeah, she's there. Oh, Jesus Christ.

You're not getting that till five in the morning. What are you going to tell her? There's nothing to say. She doesn't care. She's just coming down. What's going on? Why are you out here at five in the morning falling asleep? Let me tell you something.

Don't take a genius to know. You're going down tonight. You came in here tired tonight. You look fucking wiped out already from the weekend. You've been loving. You look, you've been loving and eating and watching movies and you looked all wiped out. Look at you.

Okay. Okay. I don't know. Paul went to her mom's house for lunch today. So I've been by myself for a few hours. So have you been doing fucking crying by yourself? No, I was watching the pictures. Crying the tears of death over here by yourself.

I miss mama texting every 10 minutes. When are you coming back? How do you hide it in my phone? Young man's game. When are you coming home? When are you coming back? I'm hungry. You said we live together.

This is bullshit. Now I'm happy by myself. I'm looking poisoned. You like living with your lady? Oh, yeah. So far it's pretty good. How long has it been? Like two weeks.

Oh, two weeks. Yeah, so far it's okay. Two weeks. It's always okay at two weeks. Yeah, yeah. Within two months when you call me at two in the morning, don't call me back. Tell me that your office is getting lit on fire.

I'll be right there. Get me out of this fucking death trap. Oh, where is it? Fuck. I'm going to have to move to Mexico and shit. I'll send you're going to have just spots. I got a spot tonight. Man, the fake spot.

I got a spot tonight. Not me, maybe, but she just has seen like I'm not just, I'm just not home Sunday through Wednesday pretty much. Yeah. So she just doesn't really see me. But it's been pretty great to see her. I wave at her when she's sleeping and I go to the couch. How are we the first time you moved in with a woman?

You know, it was, it was pretty good because she was like a neat freak. How old were you when you moved with a fucking woman? I think it was like, I think it was like. A neat freak. 20, 21. How was it? Well, I love this girl. You know what I mean?

Like high school. You a winner since high school? Yeah. I chased after her. She was her and her sister. They're twins. This is a crazy story. Senior year, they moved to our school and I show up late, right?

And like I show up to get my classes. You could stay until 10, 15. I'm just looking at. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm good. And I meet this girl and I say, what's your name? She just looked at me and just blew me off and walked by. And then like at lunch, I went up to her.

I said, hey, I, I met you earlier and she's like, I didn't meet you. I go, yeah, yeah. At the thing, at the office. She said, no, I didn't meet you. And she walks away and I'm like, what a bitch. And then I realized on the third day, she had a twin sister. So I was talking to the sister, right? And I was thinking like, wow.

And I chased after her for a year, a year. And finally we started going out. And then that was like really my only serious girlfriend, like seven years. You lived together for how long? We lived together like five years. But I was just, you know, rock and roll, you know, cocaine and booze. And was she snorting? No, she didn't drink or anything.

Totally straight. That's why I loved her. We're opposites, you know? And, you know, I would be out. To me, I was just addicted to coke and booze. She thought I was out hunting pussy, but I wasn't. I was just all about hanging with dudes playing rock in the studio, you know, but I would just disappear for three, four days at a time.

Just drug runs, you know, just benders playing all night and bowling. Then, you know, six a.m. The liquor store is open, get more booze. Do you regret it? Regret. Do you regret losing her over? You know, I don't because I knew that rock and roll was my thing. Like as much as I loved her, I feared domestic life of kids and married and all that.

Because I knew that was going to be the end of my rock. You know what I mean? Every guy that got married and had kids, they tapped out of the game. And the dudes. That was the beginning of the end. That was the end. And you kind of know it as it's happening, unless you're fucking Joe Perry. And you can't afford it.

Yeah, totally. So that always was a fear of mine. That's why I've always like fucked with condoms, too. Because I was like, I can't have any kids because, you know, once you have kids, you got to provide. You can't be a dirtbag in a band. You know, you got to make money because, you know. A dream is a dream is something that's really powerful.

And sometimes you just figure out a way how to just break even just to do your dream. Totally. It's in my blood. That's the thing. It's like, I never got married. I never had kids because to me each day I get up for this. That's what I get up for. And it's like a selfish thing.

I don't want to be a dick to, well, that's why I have a girlfriend now. I don't want to be an asshole to them when they go like, are you going to go out again tonight? And it's like, yeah, every night, this is what I do. You know, so I don't want to put them through that because it's just, it's not cool. You know what I mean? I've got to drive and it's like, there's nothing else I see except for the comedy. Listen, let me tell you something.

There's nights at 8 30 at my house. Yeah. I want to shoot myself. Yeah. What's the baby goes in that bedroom? And it's me and my wife in the living room. And she's telling me the hundred ways why she's dying. And I'm energetic.

I'm ready to stab a motherfucker at 8 30. You know me. Yeah. I'm ready to do something. And I'm ready to go see Led Zeppelin at the forum and park and pay $50. Not really. But am I ready to meet you and smoke a joint outside the parking lot and go in and order something to eat and maybe talk some shit and watch a game?

I'm ready for that. Yeah. You don't want, if it's close by. How combined do a spot at your club? Do I really want to get involved in an hour drive to Irvine and not fucking really? Yeah. Yeah. I just want it to be a coomsy-coomsy type of night.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Anything can happen or nothing can happen. I live for that shit. Me too. I don't know what the fuck I want to do tonight. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

But a dean calls me and says, dog, you know, there's a comedy room. Two minutes from the house. Go up there at 9 o'clock. The guy said he'll put you up. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Let's go check it out and have a fucking two toots. Maybe there's a taco place next to it.

What the fuck do you know? You know. But to be a good husband, I got to pay my dues at the house. Totally. You know, so those movements have to be valued at something. Every night while the baby's in the tub, I tell my wife I go for a ride. Sometimes I just go to 7-Eleven. Sometimes I go to Starbucks and get a coffee and drink half of it and throw it away.

Just because when I was growing up, that was part of what I did to take the edge off. Yeah. I'm not going on tonight, but I'll tell you what I'm going to do. From 8 to about 8.25, I'm going to take a ride. Maybe stop at Yum Yum, get a donut. Yeah, yeah. Maybe stop at Lee's house and get a fucking edible. You got to do something.

You know what I'm saying? I told my wife that I got to change my life around, I think, because I don't want to be at the store every night. I don't want to be that guy. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to be that 54-year-old holding on to his last years of daylight, down at the store, telling stories. Yeah.

I want to go down there, do a spot, get some respect from the young guys or not, whatever the fuck. I don't give a fuck. I'm just going to do 15 minutes. I'm not going to eat a fuck with your world. This is your guy's world. I just got a spot from the fuck though. In fact, that's why I do what's-his-name spot at seven o'clock at night.

Yeah. So I have to linger in there all night, like that fucking lurking old guy at the store that's a pervert and talking to the waitresses. I like those waitresses. Yeah, it doesn't mean I'm fucking hitting on them. Like I was 20 years ago trying to get a pindle with them. Yeah. I was a blonde that always did a pindle and I'd split it with her from Joey, you know.

Yeah. These waitresses, I don't even think they do drugs. They smoke pot. Yeah. I bring them stars from time to time. I smoke weed and whatever the fuck. That's about the hang from me. That's what saved me was like, you know, when I was 44 years old starting comedy,

all my friends were married with kids and long gone. And here I am floating around Hollywood, my rock and roll's over and I'm just like, wow, you know, what's going on? And then, you know, I start comedy and I got these new friends, Eric Griffin, Delia, Ian Edwards, and we're at the 101 late night just busting balls. What time is the 101 open to? Until 3 a.m. Really?

So we would go. They got a nice coconut shake with three eggs on the side up. A cheese omelet with some wheat toast over there. That's my pit stop when I go to the doctor. Oh yeah. Before a blood test at 8.30 if I'm allowed to eat. Yeah, yeah. I don't even eat at the house.

I just have a little protein shake. I shoot over there and I get the fucking two eggs and wheat toast. No bacon because the sugar, I don't want it to raise up. Yeah, yeah. I just drink water or something. But if I don't have a blood test, nothing. I'm banging out a little bacon. Yeah.

I've been going there for fucking since Jesus left Chicago. I didn't know it was open until 3. Yeah. Every night when I started comedy, we would get the back corner booth and I was the new guy and they would just unload on me just nonstop ball busting. It was great. But I would learn all kinds of shit about comedy and I would get in bed around 3.30 and start over again the next night.

And I just fucking, I've always been about that late night hang with band guys talking about records, where they were produced, who did them, who wrote that song. And now it's comedy. You know, now it's like this bit didn't work. That bit was great. Oh, I loved what you did. And it's just, I'm just engulfed in it 24 seven. You know, that's what that's all I do.

Well, that's what you listen. That's what you have to do. Yeah. You're first for every years. Like I said, I'm limited action to do. Couple of months ago, Lee and I stayed on my corner till one of the morning telling stories. Yeah. It was amazing just being outside and the weather and shit, you know.

The problem with me is I do that one two nights in a row. I'm walking around at six. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next thing you know, I wonder why I got a headache. My blood pressure's out because I slept fucking five hours a night the last two and a couple nights. Yeah. Instead of sleeping in the afternoon, I got too much pride.

So I'll go for a walk or do something like that. I mean, I'm fucking killing myself. I got to rest up a little. I'm going to go in front of fucking 200 people and yelling scream this weekend. So I try to keep it light. Totally. So I go to the store on Tuesdays. It's a great workout night or recita.

Yeah. You know, but I don't want to be that guy at the store. When I first started at the store, there was dirty fucking guys that were that guy. Yeah. Hey, man, I used to get spots in here every fucking night till you came along. They all had a bad attitude. Right. I want to keep the store fresh.

I'm very fortunate to be down there. I'm just going to shoot in, do my spot, get a water, maybe two of them, talk to two of the waitress, talk to the manager, talk to Richie, talk to Crystal Lee, and talk to you. Give what's his name? I'll get the fuck out of there. Yeah. I'm not that I have. I've never been to the front bar yet.

Wow. Yeah. In a year and a half, two years, I've been back there. I stay away from the front bar. I don't need to be in the front bar. I never go up there. Too many cigarettes. I don't need to.

Sometimes I walk through the thing and I walk through the curtains and I look to see who's out there. Yeah, yeah. But I'm still in the fucking building. It's that type of party. Yeah, yeah. So that's how I do it. Well, I'm happy you watch the documentary.

Oh, God, I love this. From now on, let's do a documentary every month. Let's do it. We either give it a thumbs up or a thumbs down. This was a thumbs up in my world. Absolutely. If you know anything about music, but you appreciate marketing, you have a band, this is something to watch just to talk about marketing without Twitter and Facebook.

Absolutely. Because if you could work both worlds in, like now I'm trying to figure out what they were doing. Yeah. Now I'm trying to go, hmm, let me think of what these motherfuckers are doing. I know they would advertise in this paper I would read in Jersey. Yeah. But every bar didn't. They didn't advertise it.

Every bar did. Right. All those hole in the wall. There was one down the shore. There was the soap factory. There was one, the one they talked about in Long Island. Yeah. Oh, Speaks.

Speaks. Oh, yeah, 3,000-seater. You know, it's funny before the podcast we were talking to you, and he was talking about the club owner that lent them money. Yeah. And you're like, the one guy looked like you or something. It was crazy. But it was crazy.

All those clubs in those days were mafia. Totally. And their job was to go in there and cleanse money, you know, make it look like it was clean and fucking devour the place. Like Henry Hill said, lying on fire. Yeah. That's why they were telling the people coming here and breaking up. It was crazy, man.

It was crazy. I love it. They took the sinks. Yeah. Well, they pulled the AC down. They pulled the AC down. Fucking crazy what Twist's sister was saying. They played the closing night of 2000 where Saturday Night Fever was filmed.

Yes. They played the closing night of that to exercise the disco demons out of there. Remember that? And they lit that Saturday Night Fever sign on fire. And I was like, I kind of want that thing. I always say, wouldn't I look that way? But they lit it on fire and it became something else. And they had a sign behind it.

That was cool. And what did it say? It said. Sock door. Twist's sister. Is that Twist's sister or something like that? Right behind them. They were marketing geniuses.

They were, man. You know, man. What about when they did that fucking? They did the amusement park and 22,000 people showed up. They go, yeah, Zebra had 3,000. They go, if you get like 5,000, it'll be great. 22,000. There was people hanging off the fucking.

They said a 10 story building and people trashed the amusement park. There was really a park that was interesting. Lee doesn't know about Twist's sister. Yeah. Anything and nothing. But I want Lee to watch this. Yeah, absolutely. Because there's one part where he says something that applies to comedy.

But I really believe it. Stop and address the situation. Oh yeah. Remember that? You know, when you do jujitsu, when I first joined jujitsu, I'd be thrown through the air when I started going to Alberto Crane. It was the first time I touched it. Once somebody grabs you, the first thing you do is address it.

Pop it off. Even if his next hand grabs you, pop that one off. Keep popping off and one of those grab them and take them down. That's what it becomes. It becomes a grab. Don't grab me. You know what I'm saying? It becomes a grab.

What was he talking about? What the fuck? When he played Donnington and they're throwing the shit at him, he stops it. And I believe, huh? Address it. He addressed it. Oh, it was unbelievable. He addressed it.

He stops, he takes his makeup off. Oh yeah, that's on the TV show. That's on the TV show. That was insane. That was insane. I couldn't believe it. He took it up three levels. Then he got Lemmy to come up there and play with him.

And they fucking blew the stage off. And it showed his commitment to his fucking audience. It was crazy. Like he hated to see one person not rocking. It drove him fucking nuts. It did. I can't even see people laughing. I'm deaf.

I can't even hear people. Yeah, I'm deaf too. I'm always like, what? What the fuck did they laugh at? What didn't they laugh at? I'm always like, what? You know, all that brilliance taught me that sometimes. I've done that.

I have done that sometimes and taken a deep, deep chance. But if you address the situation and set them straight in a polite way, they'll take the ride. And that's it. The demon's out of the room. It was on TV. He's like, wait a minute. Are you not fucking digging this because of how I look?

Because of my fucking makeup? And he goes, get over here to the roadie. And the guy brings over the makeup remover. And he peels. He wipes it off. And he goes, now fucking listen to what I'm doing. Now look at me. And then it's just the crowd went crazy.

It was a total gamble. Oh my god, it was great. But that's what made it not a gamble. It was his commitment. Totally. His commitment to what he was doing. Listen, man, that part of it blew me the fuck away. Yeah.

That part of the documentary blew me the fuck away because it's showing me where I need to go now. That's the level after all these years where you really have to take it. Yep. Every time you go on stage, you're going up there to fucking die. Like do come Kim against boom, boom, man. See the total hits, kill or be killed. And that's why he had the fan base.

He did. They talked about the journey with them. Giving out shots until Gordo puked. That was insane though, right? People puked on the stage and shit. They went through every fucking phase of my career. Like I went through mine. There was a time I'd go on stage and just talk to people.

There was a time if I didn't get a laugh at the comedy store, my zip was open and my ball would accidentally pop out. And it destroyed people for years. It destroyed people. Yeah. But at that point you're at the store. It's 1245. They've heard every joke already.

They've seen Paul Mooney and Eddie Griffin. Yeah. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? You know what? You fucking got to dig deep and do whatever the fuck it is you got to do. It's crazy. And if it's drop your pants and do a fucking Madonna song,

if that's what it takes, follow that bitch at 1.45 in the morning, motherfucker. Candles. That's commitment. Yeah. That's commitment. That's it. That's where comedy is about. 100 percent.

Can you say comedy, music. When you see Led Zeppelin on the show remains the same, it does something to you. When you see 1973, whatever, 1971, the brothers, the Yeoman brothers. Yeah. The Beacon, not the Beacon, but the other place. Fillmore East. The Fillmore East. And you look at the brothers and you look at the black dude playing the drums.

That's fucking commitment. They're not missing a beat. It's called white brilliance. Yeah. That's what that's called. It's white fucking brilliance, man. You're not missing a fucking beat. When you see Greg Almond singing, it does something to you.

When you used to go see the band Yes and the organs and all that shit. You know what I'm saying? Or what was the other brain salad surgery? Oh, fuck. Yeah. Funkadelic. No. The other people.

Ebison Lake and Parliament. Yeah. I was thinking of what was that parliament? What was there? Parliament Funkadelic. Yeah. They had that. That's the spaceship.

Yeah. They had that song. What's it called? Fucking drawn a blank right now. Before I left Boulder in 95, my friend Snoopy dated a black dude that opened his band open for. P Funk? P Funk. Wow, man.

So she would take me and invite me. And it was a. Magga Brain. That's what it's called. It was a pretty interesting scene. Yeah, man. That shit is cool. It was a very interesting scene.

And I went to see him twice. And, you know, in 95, I was still holding on to daylight. I thought I was going to meet a girl in Boulder to make me stay there and be a dad. Maybe in the whole time. At least with girl's help, I could settle down. Somebody didn't do drugs. So I said to fucking meet a nice girl, you got to go to these clubs. Oh my God.

And I went to a couple. I saw a couple of bands. I saw Cheryl Crow for free in April. And like six months later, she wanted $25 for the tickets. Her album went from one level to the next at the Fox Theater right in Boulder. That place is great. That's a great place. That's where I opened up Ice Cube, Ice Tea, whatever.

Love that place. I played there with Wallflower. So it was crazy. That's a crazy place. And then around the corner, I did the one with Marin, the Boulder Theater. Yes. Awesome. Awesome.

Where you at this week? You said, when are you leaving from New York? Okay. I leave to New York December 1st through the 13th and then heads up everybody. I'm coming to the punchline and San Fran headline and my first time doing a weekend there. I always sell it out one or two nights on a weekday. But I'm there 15, sorry, 14, 15, 16, 17 December punchline, San Fran, come out. That's a good time.

That's a good time. Punchline's a great place for the best clubs in the country. Small and intimate. Listen, I wouldn't blow smoke up your ass. The holidays are coming. All right. Lee, where's this watch? What do you think about this MVMT watch, Lee?

I really like it. I wear every podcast I wear all the time. It's a light. It's black on black. I really think it looks great with everything. And it keeps great time. So I'm really happy with it. All right.

We get it. Holiday shopping can be tough. But thanks to MVMT watches, all that gift giving anxiety can disappear with the press of a button. Let me tell you something, guys. I've never done Black Friday. I don't believe it. I think Amazon and all these companies who take care of you online

and get it right to the house, quick, nice, and safe, you don't have to leave your house. Whatever it's worth, it's worth paying. Let me tell you something. If you get somebody a watch without leaving the house, which you can't because he loved the watch as soon as we got it. It was a one take. All he had to do was take it to a jeweler,

adjust it, cost you what? Ten bucks. Ten bucks and boom. The watch looks beautiful on them. What I'm going to do is this. All right. I'm going to make your hard day anxiety disappear with the press of a button.

These watches make the perfect purchase for just about anyone in your life. Guy or girl. And remember, they all started $95. We have heard me talk about MVMT watches. And I'm sure you got yourself one now. Let's finish your holiday shopping and get an MVMT watch for somebody on your list.

The holiday shopping season is here. With MVMT, you can skip the crowds and standing in crazy lines at the mall and find the gift they love at prices that'll beat department stores right now. Movement watches started $95. At the department store, you're looking at the same watch for four to 500 bucks.

All right. Movement figured out that by selling online, they were able to cut out the middleman and the retail market, providing the best possible price, which means you save Do Re Mi. They got classic design, quality construction, and style minimalism.

All right. Over 500,000 watches have been sold in over 160 countries. What I'm going to do is this. It's the holidays. All right. Ain't nobody here going to take a chunk out of your pocket. Everything's coming with a nice little angle for you.

I'm going to give you 15% off today. We're free shipping and free returns by going to mbmtwatches.com slash shirts. C-H-U-R-C-H. Again, I'm giving you 15% off. Today, right now, we're free shipping and free returns by going to mbmtwatches.com slash shirts. This watch, look at Lee's show.

It has a clean design. And you know what? People like that watch. Even my wife says something to Lee the other day. She goes, that's a nice watch. That's a watch they send you there. It's time to step up your watch game. All right.

If you're a watch person, this is the company you got to rock and roll with. Go to mbmtwatches.com slash church. Join the movement. All right. Do me another favor right now. This is a beautiful thing I got to do for you. All right.

Are you hiring? Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates? All right. Posting your job in one place isn't enough to find good quality candidates. If you want to find the perfect hire, you need to post all your job on the top job sites.

And now you can. With ziprecruiter.com, you can post your job to 100 plus job sites, including social media networks like Facebook and Twitter, all with a single click. Find candidates in any city or industry, nationwide. Just post once and watch your qualified candidates roll into zip recruiters easy use interface. No juggling emails or call to your office.

Quickly screen candidates rate them and hire the right person fast. No drama. You don't want to turn this into a lifetime to hire an employee. Find out today why ziprecruiter has been used by over one million businesses. And right now my listeners can post jobs

on ziprecruiter for free. Gratis by going to ziprecruiter.com slash church. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash church. One more time for free. You can put your right now. One more time go. I don't know what the fuck. One more time to try for free.

Go to ziprecruiter.com slash church. All right. That's it. That's it. And that's that. I hear people getting great results. With ziprecruiter. One more time for my main producer of the church.

Honored.com. Go there. Look at the nice supplements they got. Pressing church. Don't forget. Socially unaccess... Socially unacceptable gets released. December 8th on CISO TV.

Go to CISOTV.com. Logging your email and all that stuff in your code. It's Joey, J-O-E-Y. Once again, I want to thank MVMT watches. A tremendous Christmas present. I want to thank ziprecruiter. Post your job listing on there. And I want to thank Audit one more time.

For sticking with us since day one. And also CISO. And also my main man over here. Yeah. Dean Dell motherfucking Rizzy. And he's going to be... Joey's going to be on my podcast next Monday. And we'll be talking about his special.

Because I want to talk about that. Sure. It'll be awesome to talk about the process of shooting that and everything. It was very fucking interesting. Yeah. So we'll talk about that Monday. Let there be talk. You're beautiful brother. I love you dude.

I love you motherfucker. See you Tuesday night. Wednesday morning. Stay black. Stay healthy. Don't forget. Portland, Oregon. Thursday night.

Eight o'clock. No fucking around. Have a great weekend. Have a great week. So far. Bye. This show was presented by. On it.

This show was also brought to you by. MVMT watches. Go to MVMTwatches.com slash church to get 15% off of your order. And they're also going to offer you free shipping and free returns. They're offering you a great price with watches starting at just $95. Where at department stores you'll be paying between $400 to $500. At least go to MVMTwatches.com slash church to say 15% off of those already great price. This show was also brought to you by Zip Recruiter.

Zip Recruiter is a site for you to find your perfect hire. You can post your job to 100 plus job sites. Including social media networks like Facebook and Twitter. All in a single click. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash church. At ZipRecruiter.com slash church right now. To post jobs on Zip Recruiter for free. I'm too stoned to be doing podcasts at this age.

I gotta say to you is time and time again to say no, no, no, no, no. Tell me not to play for all I gotta say to when you tell me not to play or say no, no, no, no, no, no. So if you ask me why I'm not the way I play, there's only one thing I've been saying to you. I wanna rock, rock. I wanna rock, rock. I wanna rock, rock. I wanna rock, rock. There's a feeling that I get from nothing else and there ain't nothing in the world that makes me go.

Go, go, go, go, go. Turn the power up. I've waited for so long so I can hear my favorite songs so let's go. Go, go, go, go. When it's not this I feel the music you threw at me. There's nothing else that I would wonder till I wanna rock. I wanna rock, rock. I wanna rock, rock.

I wanna rock, rock. I wanna rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock. I want to rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock. I won't walk, I won't walk I won't walk, I won't walk I won't walk, I won't walk