Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #437 - Luis J. Gomez

Episode Date: December 9, 2016

Luis J. Gomez, Comedian, Podcaster, and head of Gas Digital Network, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. Hint Water - Get a variety pack of their most popular flavors that would normally cost $24 for $15 at drinkhint.com/church.   Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 20% off of your first order and shipping is always free in the US and Canada.    Seeso: Seeso is the new ad free streaming service. Bingeable comedy. Anytime. Anywhere. Use code JOEY at checkout for 2 months free. Watch Joey's Special, "Sociably Unacceptable" Now!   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 12/08/2016.
  

Transmission fluid ask him you open you're like oh god Go out you eat these fucking things people tell you how do you eat for I told the lady at perennial that you ate two of them the other day She's like I can't even imagine that she goes I get a square and cut it into twos yeah, and I go she goes I got fucked up a four or five hours straight, but you know what's weird I had what did I have I had three of the red stars last night. That's just three seventy five Just a warm-up for nothing I got pretty high for like four hours to a hitch you but then it goes away real right Yeah, absolutely it disappears real fast. Yeah, we burn through these stars

We our main edible are the stars so we built a tolerance to them like most people could eat one red one And they get they see but I mean isn't it THC though because like I have a I have an extreme tolerance to smoking like I can fuck And smoke yeah, dude. I could smoke all literally all day I just the only reason I don't do it anymore is because like my throat will start to hurt I'm not getting away. I'll get a headache. You know that first high in the morning is my best Yeah, super high in the morning. I do a little things. I have to do what am I if I hit it again I get a little high once I come back from jiu-jitsu. I hit the pipe maybe once And you ever you ever take a break just to get really highly okay, cuz I sometimes I took that break for like six months

And how'd it work? Oh, no to when I came back. I got really A fucking stone you're eating your fingers. It's great ready. I'm ready. Let's do this. Let's do this shit When I we want to start yakking while the fucking things hit you the church or what's happening now is presented by on it This show is also brought to you by hint water Go to hint comm slash church and check out hint water hint water is A brand new water that brings you the fresh taste of fruit with pure water And right now when you go to hint comm slash church, you're going to get a variety pack of their most popular Flavors for only $15. It's normally 24 drink hint comm slash church shows also brought to you by me undies

Go to me undies comm slash Joey right now to get 20% off of your first order Shipping is always free in the US and Canada go to me undies comm slash Joey right now Check out their shirts their socks the underwear. I love their sweatpants. Go to me undies comm slash Joey right now Here we go, mr. Gomez is in studio Kick that muley don't make me tell you again kick that motherfucker. I don't care what the animal society says Kick that motherfucker. It's Thursday night December 8th what oh Shit Jews up and jumping up and down

You got fucking 16 more days to y'all get poor or Hanukkah one of those motherfuckers One more star gone we're at 1600 milligrams or Ripley for his mother called Guinness It's the church. What's happening out there? Oh shit? black people jumping up and down Oh Shit break out the gorilla biscuits here we go do it do it mr. G What you did to me cuz I'm not the same oh shit You just don't know oh

Shit You wanted you got it and shit. We've been doing bomb hits stars of death. We've been taking good care of mr. G No, we don't want to kill him tonight. We want him to make the plane tomorrow I'm you know what I keep on getting warned about this show Over and that's the one thing I've gotten is like listen to me Don't have anything to do after the show make sure your flights not too early the next day Don't drink the water cuz Joey might put acid in it. There's all of these we can't find the acid We got rid of my mistake. I don't think so. I think you put it in some waters

It's like the Willy Wonka ticket, but you just put some acid in some random like seven fucking hits One of these bottles of water no, it's probably under one of those couches I hit it and I can't remember where the fuck I hit it because we did it we got paranoid So it's on one of the album covers. It's here though. Yeah one day somebody's gonna be very happy I was moving furniture one time with Dave Smith we used to be roommates he's a comedian and one of my co some other podcasts and he we were moving our couch and

As we're moving it on the day we're moving a bag of cocaine fell out of the couch like probably like, you know like an eight ball It was me and our buddy Wes and we all saw we saw it fall on the floor We all paused for exactly one second and then we dove for it all three of us and we wrestled around on the floor Until one of us finally got it And then what we just shared it, but we did a one we did a line each immediately And then we felt guilty because we didn't really do cocaine It was a buddy of ours our drug dealer friend Jablonsky

He would fucking come over with like tons of drugs all the time and I he accidentally dropped it on our couch It was like a year old So then we felt guilty and then we ended up flushing it down the toilet the rest of it should have sold it Yeah, at least split 60 a piece something. I mean, how would we have sold it? I don't know there's some fucking buddy in the comedy club that'll give you 50 bucks Yeah, but it's not it's not enough if it was like a big bag of cocaine. There's no way we were to flush it would be like All right, let's fucking three grams. Somebody would give you 50 bucks for it Yeah, but I would have to go out and fucking be hawking weed at comedy club

Oh, I wasn't do I wasn't doing comedy you have one friend that does coke Everybody has one creepy friend that does coke. Just call them on. I got a deal of a century I think I have one friend that doesn't do coke. Yeah, so you call that don't call him Call everybody else and whoever gets here first has a deal of a century bring 50 bucks And watch them come over. It's fucking crazy. I found the bag of coke once I thought it was like meeting God You know I'm saying like I rather find you you have more chances of finding money Yeah, and finding like two grams of fucking blow like you go to 7-eleven. That's what was yeah It was ten years ago at the curse on 7-eleven out and the fucked up thing you remember the day

Oh my god, I went in there and I went in there the other day They had the audacity put the lightest back out You used to have NFL lightest I used to clip to a fucking pop right in front of them while I was paying they looked down I take two and hold on is this recently No, this is ten years ago But they put the lightest back this week because I went in there Tuesday. Yeah, and I said, oh shit They got the lightest back. I was ready to clip one. Yeah, I'm like, oh, I fuck around at this point a game I don't you just kind of wanted to because I do that sometimes just to test my ability still

Oh, if I could just like my cousin Just for no reason I do it all the time for stupid shit like I was I was the other day I was with my chick and we were at right aid and there's like nail polishes Like up at the front thing So for no reason right in front of the check as I'm paying I grab one of the nail polish is put it under my hand I say it's I'm palming it That's all I'm doing not a big deal putting it in your hand like you're reaching for money Just nothing and you drop the fucking thing and you take out the wall and they look at you like

No, he didn't have no nail polish in nice and simple put it in my fucking crazy. It's like Houdini. I walk outside Give it a her as a nice little gift, you know, and I'm being funny, which is so I was she doesn't want nail polish There's nothing but for some reason I still want to be able to test my ability to see if I could do that And I could I still do it. I still that's a terrible fucking. I don't shop with like bags of chips I got an addiction for just like this Just lighters if you're dumb enough to put a lighter in front of me I'll take the space I go to the 7-Eleven. I go to has little lighters out They even put like when they overflowed on lighters, they put they put them sideways

Yeah, which is like an invitation for a sucker like me, but I like them so much if I asked them to lie They probably give it to me. So why rob them, you know, yeah I I'm notorious at stealing people's lighters like in life by mistake. Yeah, yeah Stake on purpose not on purpose. I don't care enough to give it back to him You go out with a green light you come home with a white lighter. Yeah, and it's filled and you're like, who the fuck took my Well, at least I came home with a fucking light. Yeah, that's the magic of weed That's why there you are connected with weed sometimes because sometimes you go out with a red lighter And you come home with a green light and you're like, what the fuck?

I didn't lose anything. Maybe a little bit of fucking butane. You know, so you're looking pale over that dog I haven't seen you this panel since the first time you did kettlebells. I'm just thinking about Having so much coke that you don't realize you dropped an eight ball. I've I've never found Drug that I couldn't imagine you're fucked up losing draw. You're fucked up. You're going through your pockets You know, you got an eight ball in there. You got a gram for later You got three pills in there. You got cash. You got weed. You got rolling papers You got a liner. You got a wallet and it's all in there and you take it out all night because you're paranoid All night. You're like, was that coke and one time we go for the coke the three ecstasy pills will fall out

Oh, yeah, you gotta take money out of your pocket. Yeah, it happens man Yeah, you know, I've dropped coke on a fucking couch or or the move was You're doing it in the bathroom. You put it down on the the thing in the bathroom And you forget you put it down and you leave and that's it then the next dude is taking a shit Just as rock and roll you said that because I was just thinking about this Chinese restaurant I used to deliver food from deliver coke for And they had like a bad that like two bathrooms for customers Then they had a bathroom for Chinese people only where they

Then they had another bathroom for the women in the back But if you went back back back in the storage room that little bathroom with a little look like a closet Yeah, it was just a toilet in the sink And I would go in there and weigh the coke and I would put the coke on the toilet It was white and I would put the coke on the toilet and do a couple lines and get ready to deliver Chinese food And one night I must have been in the rush. I came in two days later way coke and there was a line this big on that fucking thing That unless you have a train die. Yeah, you're not gonna see that. Wow unless you have a cocaine train You fucking I and nobody had the drugs. They smoked pot from time to time. So, you know, what's up Lee?

Well, you guys were talking earlier about and I only did it once flying with weed and I'm the only time I did it I Had some edibles I was flying home and I got to paranoid Look, you've always talked about how you just put it underneath the plane Like you like before when you were you still going back and forth between Colorado and New York I was too nervous. I was like, I don't want to get there and then have them take my luggage So I brought it in my backpack But this is the only time this has ever happened that TSA brought a second a separate like Scanner to the gate and they were scanning random people at the gate. I was I couldn't have been more scared

That's an inhale you're right there. Oh my god, and then I got and then I thought about you I got pulled over today. And like I just I Just I was so happy. I wasn't stoned or I've never been have you been pulled over stone? Oh, it's horrible. Oh You start fucking mumbling and stumbling. I was doing that was the one thing that I liked about stopping smoking weed It was like six months that I didn't smoke weed like and you and I forgot But like I used to always have weed on me and New York City It's you know, it's gotten a little better, but like it's not Callie do Callie you guys are fucking like partying out here It is like you don't even get it dude. You go to fucking New York City

Oh, that was a political I lit up one time and 20 people looked at me like I was a Martian Yeah, it's right by opening Anthony right down at night in the morning I took a joint out and fucking people looking at me even in Jersey when I'm an edge water I go outside and snow like that Cal Cali It's like you guys don't know how good you have it if you haven't been to New York If you go to New York City, you are it's like you're doing heroin I'm assuming if you did heroin on the streets of California It's how people look at you if you're smoking weed in New York said that let me tell you something, okay? I

Was in New York City since 19 fucking 66 you know As a kid my mom took me to see the home globe trial is 40 seconds. I went everywhere and There was a time in New York City. This is how New York how much New York has changed Okay, there was a time in New York City when I was a child maybe six From the age of six to maybe 11 and I'm not exaggerating it. I Spent my time with an 88th Street in Broadway. That's why I went to school ps. 166 But on the weekends, I would go to my godmother's and 148th

In the late in the mid 70s, and this is no exaggeration Ask your dad or your uncles or somebody who remembers the 70s in New York You'd see a fucking heroin dude nodding every four minutes. I used to see it in New York Okay, and I mean they were everywhere. Yeah, it was infested the upper the upper west side I was wasn't a big Upper East East side guy. So I can't tell you yeah I used to go to hundred and sixteenth and third like by the park to get coke from my mom's friend But that was later on in life nothing Heroin was everywhere. That's what you saw

From 107th Street all the way to 178th Street from Port Authority They would nod as the light was changing mr. Gomez nod and when the light would change They would walk across the street and nod again. Yeah, you would never it's like walking dead That's what it was. You saw two walking dead people on every fucking block But downtown New York all those other West side up the you know eat the Avenue You would snuggle weed all the time when I was yeah 42nd Street would wreak a fucking weed nobody ever said none wreak a weed When you made the right onto and you saw that thing spinning with the news the ticker

And you made the the left onto Broadway whatever that is that would all that would be a drug dealer. Hell. Yeah, that was all drug dealers Then the 80s came and the early 80s You could do blow anyway in New York. Yeah Any club you went to if you went into the woman's bathroom There was four or five people doing blow women wouldn't even say nothing Women wouldn't even say nothing. It was that open I left New York in 85 and cocaine was wide open. You could be at a bar In Manhattan and take a package out and do this and nobody would look at you

Nobody would look at you weird because that yuppie Mentality hadn't hit yet. Well now it's an elitist alley. It's so fucking expensive Right. It's so expensive to live in New York now that it's like, you know It's You know, it's become this like and with weed it's changing a little I'll say it is changing Okay, because you'll smell weed in the air now If you go to certain areas, you go to the west village down by the comedy cellar You'll see people smoking weed. It's a it's a it's a little hit

But not on 89th street. You won't no, no, you are the joint by the stand Like I've been by the stand. I'm gonna join by the stand. I got arrested outside of the stand I can't go to fucking canada because of getting arrested outside of the stand the fuck you think i'm talking about That's the upper west, right? That's 20. No, that's uh, it's uh, Gramercy, but yeah Yes, are you kidding me? That was heroinville when I was a kid. Yeah Well, yeah, needle's park i did i did madison. I did not know that you got arrested outside the stand I did but i'm by this for smoking weed. Yeah. Well, here's the thing, right? Yeah, that's the point I told you this is why I I like this what i was saying before

I when I stopped smoking weed. Yeah for two two stars guys two stars. I can't speak anymore. Okay, um so uh, no, but when I uh When I wasn't smoking weed I was walking around And you'd walk past the cop and I was so used to being fearful because I always had weed in my pocket And now that I didn't have weed in my pocket It was like a breath of fresh air like I wasn't committing a crime at all time So cops weren't making me as nervous, you know what i'm saying? But if there was a cop that I just literally was coming come in like 10 feet with I would get nervous

I think it smelled on me and it's not like you go to fucking prison for smoking weed in new york city But it fucks up your night It'll fuck up your weekend if you get caught on a friday If you get caught someone's going to join on a friday night, you'll spend the weekend in jail weekend in jail until monday It fucking sucks and that's all it is it sucks But if in canada the rules are to get in that country you can't get in now I I can but I got to pay a few hundred dollars a year and it's up to them They could deny me the license. It's a whole bunch of bullshit that I have to go through now just to get to canada

just crazy Now let me ask you this because a friend of mine said he went to David gilmore at the garden. He had really good seats And somebody a little joined up and they looked at him like fucking he was like I can't do it at the garden You do the vape pen I don't want to smoke a fucking vape pen I want to smoke a vape pen like I want to dick in my ass. I want to smoke a fucking vape pen What are you fucking crazy?

That's that's that's what I don't understand I think that is very dainty. I used to get out. It's like the fucking cigarettes that women would smoke in the 40s The like the long fuck it up relative old ones. Yeah That's what vape pens are in 94. I used to work on 11th avenue when they sell all the cars down there Yeah, okay, and I used to get out of Manhattan gp go only 40s It's 57 56. There's a diner on the corner there and a hot dog man I used to get off at work at 9 7 30 sometimes 6 30

And I remember walking up 57th street by the cbs building and shit and dog As soon as I walked out of that building. I was it's 1994. That's 22 years ago. I was in my 30s I'd walk out of there. I'd make a left on 11th avenue the street would be pretty empty until I hit 57th. I started walking up. Yeah, as soon as I hit 57th I lit I sparked up. Yeah, I remember standing in front of that David Letterman building sparking like smoking because it was too cold I didn't want to walk And nobody said dick nobody looked at their head. Well, that's the problem with like me like I'm addicted like that And that's the problem and I've been arrested for smoking weed like 10 times

like It's like people that smoke weed don't do that like I do it to the point where I if I'm going somewhere And I know that I'm going to be like on a road trip for a while and I can't smoke like I'll make them pull over And like fucking stop at a rest stop. Yeah, like every time like I'm like I'm it's like an addiction That's where that's where it's not a good thing where I literally need it every single day in the morning You know, I don't need alcohol Yeah, I could stay off coke for a few days, but I would never have to do it the daytime

This is my fucking drug. Yeah, since the time I was 12 First time I smoked it. I knew it was me. Yeah, same thing. I knew it was me Alcohol for me is something that Was something I did with other drugs, you know, but it's not something that I'm gonna go into a bar and get a beer I wish I could be one of those guys. I grew up in the 70s where TV shows when you walked into a guy's apartment, he just turned around and poured you a whiskey and gave it to you Yeah, you didn't say was that southern comfort and that you just drank the fucking thing. Yeah So

I always I always wanted to be that guy that could drink like can't drink Yeah, I was drinking whiskey every night for the past fucking like eight years almost Probably killing myself like really like just fucking my body up because at comedy clubs, we don't pay for alcohol so i'm drinking for free every night and You know for I just stopped drinking a year. It's it'll be January 22nd. It'll be a year I don't I don't look at it as even being a big deal. I don't understand like it's not hard for me So I'm unapplauding myself. I'm not one of these people that's gonna post it on facebook and be like, oh look at what I did

Who gives a shit? I'll probably make a stupid joke about it but It's weed is hard every day. It was a struggle when I was not smoking weed every single day when I got locked up I did that was the hardest part of getting locked up really The thought of going to prison for me because when I went to boulder county For those three weeks and waited for my bail to get reduced. They were smoking weed in there. There's no drug testing that Yeah, people getting arrested and tucking weed in their ass home bringing it in And you know what man?

Like they would charge you $10 for a joint or something with $10 Even now if you go to just the tombs for the weekend or the night in new york city It's it was like this is a while ago But it was a man. I think it was like 20 or 30 bucks for a joint and it was a little tiny pin or a Dude as as small as it could be. I mean you have no idea dude Crazy and we bought it dude me and another guy bought it. Yeah, that's it done three hits But it was great. It was glorious dude to be high in jail. It's like in jail or fucking the best I don't smoke cigarettes. I didn't smoke cigarettes when I went to prison. I didn't even in 87

I didn't even dream of smoking cigarettes and that wasn't even I couldn't even get in your car if you smoked No, I'm also comparing my night in central bookings to your time in prison. No, no I believe the tombs go you gotta let people know it ain't no fucking joke. It's like fucking The Wu-Tang clan People are trying to prove themselves. It sucks. It's not fun You might get killed at the tombs because you might run into a guy who don't give a fuck Lee He don't give a fuck. He's already got a murder. Well, they mix in guys People in smoking weed you have no fucking idea

You'll see an nyu get do the guy like you If you went to and smoke to join in washington square park Which is a famous place that people just get popped all the time for smoking weed, right? And that would be a place that you would go because it seems like a place It's pretty safe. It seems like a cool if you go look at look up washington square park Look at pictures. It's a cool place to hang out. They got cool architecture They have all those like fucking arches and shit Smoking a joint out there. It's like a trap because it's it's the perfect place to smoke a joint

But they got undercover cops all over David Lee Roth got arrested there for buying weed I knew it was the end of civilization You know in the fucking again and you guys i'm talking to you like a dinosaur in new york This is why when I go to new york now, it's very nice and all but it's not the place where I grew up in Yeah, I don't know these people these people see walking around new york wouldn't have walked around new york 30 years ago Yeah, those people you see walking around giggling on their phones That wouldn't have been I've been in new york since 2001 right after 9 11

I'm over there and even in the time that I've been there, which is like 16 17 years It's it's changed so dramatically my first apartment in new york city Or I'll say let's let's say my second apartment because it's more dramatic was a top floor downtown brooklyn once up in downtown brooklyn top floor of a Building floor through 15 foot high ceiling central air The elevator came into the kitchen brand new kitchen washer dryer how much 1250 a month And what is it now? I don't know about six grand seven grand easy. I mean it's crazy The apartment was not so it was 14 under square feet. I had a drum set in there. It was crazy

We had a ping-pong table It's so They've uh, I went to where I grew up. I went to 80 a street and showed my wife and the baby Those people would melt if they were there when I was growing up. There's like a fucking gels It's like beautiful. It's beautiful 80 a tree. It's like you gotta see it And I went over there. They have like people drinking coffee outside eight and what? Broadway, I was between 80 80th and Broadway is like you got to be a fucking rich Like in the industry you you got to be

Somebody's boss's boss to live up there. It's crazy. They're really set up. There's one of the most expensive areas in the world The best in the world. Yeah, I love it. I love the upper. Santa, New York. Is it you? Santa, New York seven? Ah, it's been 15 years. Yeah, I still do that club. They're a cool club. It's been 15 years But you know, we were talking about a I left in 85 and cocaine was wide open Smoking joints and clubs was wide open and those days the columbians were taking cigarettes Taking out the tobacco and putting coke in the front and lighting it up So it went through a nicotine and it was like work like a filter

I went back in 94 And me our buddy mine stinky and two girls went out And I went to the bathroom to do a bump Don't the guy knocked on the door and he's like you can't we can we don't do that here And I was like are you serious? This is new york city. He's like we don't do that Yeah, and I remember a time before that I went up to the upper west side. I was a young kid. I was dirty something I was doing comedy and I think I went to stand up new york to do one of the open mics or something like that and then I walked up

and I remember walking into a place like on Maybe 84th street and it was all these people drinking water, bro. Ha ha ha and And fucking giggling and shit. I'm like if you people would have seen what this ball was like 20 years ago You wouldn't have been hard It was the fucking westies weren't that yeah four irish dudes were in there collecting vig and yelling there was irish music on Yeah, and now it's all these fucking gentile phases in there from college Washington square park, bro I used to go there and see chappelle as a kid. I didn't even know what stand-up was I didn't know was davis chappelle

I didn't know was the other fucking dude. I had no idea when I saw miami vice I said that's a dude from washington square park and when I looked them up I had no idea I used to go up there with bonehead I used to have a friend bonehead and me and stinky used to work for him and he'd give us 50 bucks a piece to pick up a toilet Go to the store and pick up cigarettes and beer for him Shit like that, but the day started we would go do it the toilet or do some plumbing work and then we go To that fucking place that sells chili

And two beers or something mix all these ale houses. It's still there. Tell me that's still there Where's it at right? Washington square park right there all these ale house Or some type of beer place. I don't even know if it's mix all these We me and stinky would go there. We'd order a beer. We were we were fucking 17 They didn't prove you then yeah We'd order a beer. They bring us chili the beer and he would go to the park top heroin Valium's yeah and a weed for us In those days you'd get eight tens eight ten milligram valium's with the v in it for ten dollars

And he would walk back while we were eating He'd go into the bathroom at this place and he'd do a little tootsie. Let's do a little blast Just to keep him alive till eight o'clock and then eight he'd go to fucking zoomieville And we did that twice a week. Yeah, I loved walking around and watching the square park. That's how I said to you When I heard david lee roth got arrested that I go, that's the end Ari said at yankee games people got arrested yankee games for smoking weed. Yeah, I remember going to a yankee game And people were smoking crack There was crack files. I saw a 93 there was crack files

I got upset with the guy smoking crack the other day because I was walking down the stairs with my kid And it's like I live in Harlem and I look like where I live in Harlem is pretty gentrified. It's fairly nice What street I live on one. I mean, I live I live off of the the 116th and Like 7th 8th Avenue that area. How far are you from lemak get that? Uh, just like a 12 minute walk under like right on 117. Yeah, we're 116th. Yeah, yeah, it's still there. Oh, yeah When you make santeria, I use you know, it's funny I always used to go that that I might have said this last time because I think you mentioned that the last time Because that that building that went down

Uh, was right there and I I lived the block or like a half a block down from that building that just blew up in Harlem Um, so I used to live just a block away from the the market right there Yeah, so I have no culture. I can't say the marketa la marketa la marketa. Yeah, that was what can you say it? No, can I want to hear you say it while marketa my my dad Yeah, somebody can say it whiter than me. I I love no, I love my dad to death But he still he calls chipotle chipotle chipotle chipotle chipotle I tell him every time I'm like dad, it's chipotle. That's a new level of white. He's like, it's hey, I went Look, here's the truth, right? Like white people see me as being like

Latino are you look Spanish? No, I know. Yeah, I look my son looks managed my son looks, you know He's the same like complexion as me But he's only because I'm half Italian Irish And my son's only technically a quarter Hispanic, but he looks just like a fucking little Puerto Rican man Great white person hair because I had shitty like really curly hair And then it's fucking now. It's just gone now. It's fucking over. See that's that's where you see you think I'm young, but that's where it comes in Gotta pay I do somewhere You gotta fucking know you got great hair joey losing it's it's going down because I puff it back

The middle has puffed down. It's like a cake. You don't use enough flour Did you ever see the cake on little rascals when they fucking made the cake? No Click on the little rascals the cake these motherfuckers need to get a dress for their mom So they made a cake. Yeah, and everybody had to pay five dollars to get in there to eat the cake Wait till you see what they put in the fucking cake I don't know if they put in the cheese This is one of the best episodes of all time that we're gonna talk about what we're talking about when you came in It's just I forgot about this. Yeah, I don't remember what it was either. They put in the cake

Let me get another star of death though. I feel like you guys are not respecting me right now No, we love you to death. I feel like you guys are not respecting me. I can't but you know what? You're gonna take a whatever home. So you're okay Watch this. What's this shit? Look at stymie and shit That's PD the America's first people One of them is Stymie this all seems very racist. I don't know why oh this that's why Cosby brought him the rapist

And he took all the racist shit out of it. I don't know people put the racist shit back on For as long as I tell you coon Watch this That's fucking racist The episode is this kid here's mom gets beat up by a husband and shit and the dad's a douchebag So she wants a dress for her birthday. So these guys plan Is to make a cake and sell it and get the profits To make a fucking dress

But they don't know what they're doing. They're just putting a bunch of shit in here Sugar and speed it up a little bit lee and I'll show you this. Let's see where you're at go up a little bit All right now that they're setting up the party And they start throwing things into the cake You know, it's funny that uh, did you watch that um stranger things show? All right, it's it you watch it lee My girlfriend has but I haven't okay, so By the way, the cast a big part of the cast is like these little kids

They're like, you know, uh, 10 year old kids, right? And apparently they they shopped it around to a bunch of networks and they wouldn't sign it because it was kids And they said nobody's gonna get on board with uh, like a kids ensemble cast So it's kind of funny. I was like, you don't really see shows that are about little kids like who the fuck is watching This is like pedophiles. But no, this was 1930 1925 They played these was this for children? Was this for children? I don't know. They played was it for adult or children? I have no fucking idea when I was a kid

They were black and white and we'd watch him, you know, I said when I was eight and nine I watched them And I'm like, what the fuck speed this up a little bit And now they're putting shoes in the fucking cake. See the cake is starting to trembulate now. Watch this They fucking blow. Look at this shit. This is real stuff. Yeah, this isn't even Special effects Look, put that out louder. They let this little black kid almost let himself on fire. Look at the cake. Look at the cake You should won't listen to it Listen to the fucking noises

Oh, I haven't seen this in years. I don't even know why I thought about this Wow This is like if this was in like why would you do this look at the cake? Oh my god Is a big one So the middle of that cake, that's my hairdo you see how Yeah, I see I feel like they didn't pay these actors. No, they forced the kids to go to work. Rob. They made them do sex acts This is 1925 those people were fucking terrible

This is the first black market all all people were horrible in the 20s. Horrible horrible These kids were this was all racist. Yeah, these kids came out years later. They were all out bees and missing an eye I'm sure I tried to kill themselves. They were like fucking trannies It was sad. It was fucking sad. That was what the uh, the eddy murphy sketch was about right? It was about buckwheat as an adult Was it? Yeah, I think that's what it was about, right? Look at these motherfuckers. Yeah Would you ever let your uh, your kid act? No Me neither. No, I don't like what they get faced with

Yeah, because people because I got my kids cute as shit. I might get the fucking cute little boy Oh, no when I when she was born the agent called me goes we set up an account for her We should get him in movies and shit. Yeah I saw how they picked up that kid in son's anarchy. They put him in a truck. They made the truck roll over He'll fuck you for scale Listen, man, I I did five movies with kids. Do you think they make the babies do their own stunts? They're baby fucking stunt doubles. You can turn this off Lee. I did five movies with kids There were six situations that I saw with kids that I did not like in movies. I did five movies with kids

And like I always say I saw this audition one time where the play it was raining out and it was fucking mobbed and You know people were fucking getting rained on outside But there's his mom and her little girl and she had 20 head shots spread around the floor and 20 people could have stood there But in her and the mom's head that was more important her little friends. We got these pictures I don't want my daughter around those people that their kids Are connected with directors and shit like that, you know, yeah in my house. We're real connected with my daughter

We're not into Hollywood stuff. I don't go to premieres I don't I try to avoid as much of that Hollywood stuff as I can Well, also like I think the reason it's in general for the most part like entertainment and wanting to be an entertainer Comes from some sort of attention and I'm hoping my kid Doesn't grow up with that need because we've given that you know, listen man. Look at the final product of Six out of ten of those kids that act. Yeah, look at the final product You know There's a nightmare. There's this is this if I could talk to my daughter and say listen

These people want to use you for a show for two years. You take that money and put it up for college But no you want a college no matter what happens Know that you have to go to college And she's that strong. Yeah, I would consider it, but I don't want her mingling with those kids Especially now if Smith's kid, I don't want to mingling with Prius, you know, there's just a bunch of kids that walk around just saying that's my dad I don't need that in my life. I want you to have your own fucking identity Do you know what I am? It's real important that you have your own fucking identity

This new generation they can't handle I've seen Sean Lennon's son. What does Sean Lennon do since his dad died? By the way, it's the anniversary of John Lennon today. Uh, rest in peace cocksucker That album was fucking great. Maybe we'll close this from John Lennon. Also, uh, Dimebag Darrell Dimebag Darrell That's right. Dimebag. I played uh, I played cowboys in the hell out of fucking respect You know, I was talking with some of these mom a friend of mine's wife and he was telling me how bad the drug problem is and like malibu high Because those people got fucking I'm sure parents are out drinking they leave the pills in the fucking locker room

The kids take him to school. You know, it just I see it here. This is north hollywood. This is a shitty area Yeah, and I've been to the Y swimming with my daughter and there's been couples dad That they're watching that kid swim with the nanny in the pool Right, that's unheard of even my mom who was a fucking alcoholic jumped in pools with me and jumped in the ocean with me You know, it's beyond me. You're gonna pay for that later on Look, that's why like my kid, you know, he literally he's never had like a nanny. He never had uh, you know I mean, we uh, you know, we've got babies I got a baby set comes in mother and friday, you know my wife out, but we don't even use her anymore

Yeah, we thought we raised our kid and I have I have a buddy of mine. I want to say who it is But uh, he was like, uh, he's got money and he's like he's like, ah, dude He's got he had a kid like maybe two years after I did but this is when he had like a newborn And he was like, uh, he was like, ah, dude. Yeah, man So, you know, it's fucking tough, but he's like, you know, I love it. I mean raising this kid You know, it's a you know, really really hands-on I asked him a schedule. He was like, you know, so I wake up at us, you know 6 30 with her and then uh, the babysitter comes at 8 or the nanny comes at 8. I go back to sleep

I'm like the fucking hour an hour and a half. Yeah an hour and a half. Are you fucking crazy? And then when the kids when the chicks blowing people at the fucking prom Yeah, that's when they'll come to you. Fuck. I shouldn't have that babysitter I should have sat there when I watch a cartoon or played with blocks or something like that My phone don't start ringing for business don't 9 30. Yeah, I have mercy when I'm home and listen, man I'm no fucking best daddy. Yeah, I'm not here. You know, this is just common sense type shit I don't have to fucking read a book You when you talk to somebody, you know, they're fucking broken and the more you talk to them

They start talking to my mom or dad. You know what I'm saying in my world. It's mom. I don't remember my fucking dad We're all a little fucking broken somewhere. I think it has to be weird just to have the option to say, oh Well, maybe I'll do a couple commercials and I'll pay for college like Growing up in Massachusetts. I didn't know no one it was the the most anyone had was like the job I had Like a cvs or that's the problem with the city's in la in new york and it's like kids grow up fast and they also grow up I'm in the entertainment industry So it's like being around that it's going to be very enticing and that's something I'm gonna have to deal with You know in in reality, it's like you're right

I'm talking about my kid being three though and people put their kids at two and three years old and commercials And you're like you're not even giving them a chance. You're kind of you're entrenched in that world when they don't have any choice And I think it's a weird You almost you need to have something in you to want to get in this world So let them figure out if they have that in in them It's just kind of very strange to me that they could ever have a baby being a fucking movie. What are you doing with your baby? Well last night. I'm sitting there stone to the gills. I get off the phone with Lee And I noticed that there's a show on about Scientology. I'm with Lee Remini. Have you watched it?

Oh I've heard about it. I haven't going off on them and she introduced different people the bull who abandoned ship and All this shit and blah blah blah blah blah blah But there's this one guy and she's talking to him and the guy's crying because he left in his family stayed in there Well, you know what dog? You put him in there Do you know what I'm saying? Listen, man I don't like people I was very fortunate growing up. Nobody ever took me down a dark street

Okay, but there's a lot of people out there that live their life to take people down dark streets, bro And you get into a cult You want to get into a cult? That's your fucking business, bro. Yeah, you can't put your kid in there when he's fucking five Yeah Can't do it. You want to join a cult and go to buy it? Whatever Jonestown and drink the fucking lemonade That's fine. I'd say most people it's not guys that are in the industry It's people that have always wanted to be in the industry that could never do it

It's that stage mom shit where they want it. They want to look like harassing through their kids. That is pistol Pete's dead That's that's terrible. No, no, so I mean, so I think that's why you know Like I know what it's like. I I mean, you know, I haven't had a fucking easier in this industry So it's like I know what rejection is like that's fucking it sucks I wouldn't wish this like if if I would have known back then when I first started How tough the industry is and how difficult it is to make a real living here and and you know To to fucking make it as a comedian dude, I might have you know, I might have picked a different path At this point, it's just too late brother and today's world

It's tough to do fucking anything. Yeah, and today's economy and today's world right now in america It's tough to do fucking anything Right now if you're a plumber's apprentice right now you get out of high school How many fucking options do you have what do you look to on a pack? I mean, I want to tap this out There's no way to tap it. I'll tap it on the floor there and today's america If you're a kid and you don't want to join the service And you like construction and you want to join a fucking union. How much work do you think there is in the union? You'll work steady for nine months

then the job shuts down And to some people it's it's bad, but for you learning a trade. It's even fucking worse Yeah, you know how hard it is to learn to trade in this country right now Remember 20 years ago. You could walk up to a construction site and go. Hey, man. I'm a big guy Can I learn how to lay brick? I'm gonna go. Have you ever a hardy before? No, I hadn't all right learn how to be a Hardy we'll talk about laying brick. Yeah after a year when you become the best hardy out of five of them The guy would go okay once your work is done come on over I'll teach you how to lay brick Yeah, and after five years now, you know how to lay brick now

You're on a line you went from starting at nine bucks or whatever it is now To 16 17 18 dollars an hour and after five more years you can start your own fucking business That's an apprenticeship that doesn't exist no more in this country because right now we just hire immigrants Yeah, instead of laborers for laborers. We just hire immigrants. I'm sorry. I have to say that word whether they're russian like trump did or Or mexicans or Guatemala in jersey. They're all years ago. They're irish. Yeah 20 years Immigrants does sound like a Like a nasty word, but it's not it's just a word. It's the truth. They hire people Doesn't it sound like you're like saying something like that like immigrant, but it's just the it's just a word

Anybody that's not from this country that comes here is an immigrant. Well, here's my question Is it They're hiring immigrants because they're cheaper or is it is that part of it? But it's also those are the people who are applying for the jobs like see that's the question I don't know that I haven't figured out. Okay. How many kids do you talk to today? That's at 18 You know unless your dad's in the trades and he takes you in the summers and he teaches you You know how much work is for this kid if he wants to learn a trade That's what I always want like right now. There's three big construction projects. They redoing the coliseum

They're doing the soccer stadium and they're redoing some village down there or some shit You know I was thinking about that today. How much labor or work is there on that? Are they doing fucked up labor where they say they're paying the labor 16 dollars an hour But they bring non-union workers and paying eight dollars flat and they swallow the rest of the money Yeah, I mean how many of those are print in their apprentice programs I wonder how many I haven't looked it up, but tonight I will how many apprenticeship programs now there are I know there was a uh, I know this isn't specifically

In the trades in the trades, but there was I I did a course and they had a I could have gone to a trade school A vocational school. They still have that and when I grow up, uh But I I know that there's people who make A lot of money like I know it's kind of a hot topic right now, but people in oil Make the people who are out there drilling are millionaires Just like million I want to have my child aspire to be an oil tycoon Listen it all starts by being an engineer, right? I don't I don't know I what would you want your your little girl to be if you could choose a career for her to be

What would it be? Three careers three three that's a good number either a little you don't have no kits, right? No, no, but you're going to one day. You're gonna fucking drop seed in the check Oh, jeez. Hopefully not for a while either a lawyer A doctor Or some social feel where she feels she's really helping people Yeah, you know, there's some people that put on this earth bro to really help people I don't give a fuck if they make 20,000 a year

Yeah, I know a drill years ago. That was 40 something She lived like an artist in a fucking one bedroom office You know on top of a bar But she's like I get to help fucking minorities every day Yeah, you know, there's some people doing that. So for me for her to have a good life She needs to do that. She needs to be a fucking doctor God knows how much college is gonna cost in 20 fucking years You know, that's a big fear for us

In 16 years, how much is a college gonna fucking cost at that time at that time Are you gonna really encourage your your daughter to go to college dog times change? I think in 10 years college is going to be irrelevant. I agree I'm I'm college is going to be relevant if my kid really wants to go to college now I saw I'm watching what happened with him. I'm watching the questions. We had a conversation a few years ago that I went home Blown away, you know, uh by him. So I don't think it's going to be relevant I'm sorry to interrupt you. No, no, please not at all. I What that I'm gonna

I'm good. Well, I'm not gonna encourage my kid to go to college if if he wants to go Like I'm not gonna be one of these parents going like, oh, you gotta think about college You gotta it's gotta it's gotta be something that he really wants to do in general, dude I tell you right now in life. I have so many friends Most of my friends that have college degrees most of them the vast majority of them aren't using their degree No, not at all. That's what I'm saying. There's like two that are and then some of them teachers They're teachers right and then some of them that dad's paying that job. It's not great I mean to be honest with you teaching jobs just aren't really great

50% of those people their parents paid and the other 50 they're lugging the fucking cost. Yeah, I'm not saying nothing bad about your parents You guys we split it but we split it right But that's a crazy thing That's a loaded thing to say they say that college is going to be irrelevant irrelevant irrelevant Okay, but then what are you going to do because now even people Drop it irrelevant. Yeah, and mcdonald's jobs That you need to have a college degree and No, you don't know who the fuck is aspiring to be at a college or mcdonald's job

That's why when people say you got to raise the minimum wage. I'm like, why are we fucking battling for these people that have no aspirations I'm sorry. Just fucking do who wants to have minimum wage It's like two percent of the people in the country are make minimum wage Why like you should your thought process shouldn't be like I want to make minimum wage The thought process should be I want to go go beyond that the people that are making minimum wage should be should be their kids Their teenagers disabilities. We don't know about Somebody went through a traumatic experience a divorce a debt Maybe they just want to get a job and be half a retard. Maybe serve hamburgers. You know what I'm saying

McDonald's makes a lot of fucking money every year the same as all these other people You're making nine bucks an hour. I'm asking you to pay me six fucking more And raise the fucking national average. Yeah, I mean you see what it costs to be a human being I'm not even caught. Listen. I didn't say the cost of life. Did I? I said what it cost to be a human being None of us could afford being a human being anymore. Yeah, you know, what's a human being? We got the best soap. We got the best shampoo. We got the best rug cleaner We got the best jackets. We all try to cut corners somewhere, brother

Right when we get the Beverly Hills, we'll get the Beverly Hills But for right now we're all cutting corners somewhere If not, this office would be on top of a condo and then have bitches right now fan of listening shit And we write a little theater of the mind for the audio listeners. That's what's exactly what's happening There's bitches everywhere that right now the American cost of living and when the Americans making I'll tell you what breaks my heart Right now. I know there's Thousands of people that want to go home for their families. Go look at those plane tickets Go see what it would set you back just to get on the plane without gifts

Right without gifts just a cab the two cabs and the thing to surprise your family It's 700 fucking dollars That's a lot of money when you make a 400 a fucking week my friend 500 a fucking week I I don't know. I'm not mad at you Lewis, but like no you are Lee. I see it in your face. I'm I'm furious, but I don't necessarily think that and I know you weren't making a blanket statement, but for the minimum wage I'm at I've worked a lot of minimum wage jobs in high school and college And there's a lot of people who just like Like just because you were fine. No, I'm fine now, but I worked minimum wage. I worked at kfc

One of the best experiences my entire life was working at kfc. Absolutely. Absolutely I'm telling you right now I you just it was a one of my first jobs that I had for a while that I had to really be responsible with It wasn't fucking supposed to be the be all I wasn't supposed to live my life off of that job But there are people that are willing to do that work I just go like it's a very small percentage of people that make minimum wage We should be focusing on how can we how can we push people to be doing jobs and and and Educating people and getting people to do things that are beyond just the bare minimum bullshit jobs that are out there

It's not like the good jobs are paying minimum wage. You know what I'm saying Well, that's what's mcdonald pay. What is the national minimum wage right now at this point in our lives? What is that? I don't know the national national minimum wage. What is it right now? Well, I just I've never it's just so fucking tough out there guys Do it stand up. There's no 720 All right, so seven 25 times 40 times 40. That's two. That's 300 a fucking week my friend. Yeah, that sucks That's 1200 a month. What's your rent?

Um my rent Yeah I wouldn't work for minimum wage. No, I know but I wouldn't do it think about how many people are very small percentage of people 25 an hour. I did not know I thought it was $9 an hour. No, that's crazy. Even 360 don't do nothing for you That's not so good. That's not so good 1300 a month you ain't doing dick with 1300 a month. I don't know. I just nobody's fucking get I work I do stand-up comedy. I've worked so fucking hard. Nobody's giving me a handout. There's no minimums in my life

There's no guarantees. I know but people make their decisions people give me a decision People make a decision to work at mcdonald's but people may have to make a decision to work at mcdonald's because Things aren't going too well if comedy wasn't going that great for you. You work at mcdonald's part time and do comedy part time But I wouldn't I would do something else And i'ma say everybody has it I would I would never I used to I would never work for minimum wages as an adult I've been going to mcdonald's lately with my daughter hunts after soccer

My wife and I take it to mcdonald's. I get the quarter pound. I don't eat the fries It's healthy. All right, you're being healthy. I'm trying you run right to the fucking baton. That's how you know mcdonald's is terrible I'm not even in the car and I got a shit everything has the same flavor like the milk shake the french fries the burgers There's a mcdonald's like film the last time we went I didn't even eat nothing And I was dying to eat a big mac the new big mac don't look bad. They shrunk it. Look what they do I don't fucking know there's a new big mac. There's three new big macs, but I wouldn't touch them I don't know they they broke them down. I was reading it, but I was high We should get do they deliver mcdonald's? No when I get mcdonald's delivered here. That's disgusting

Can we do big macs? You take the fucking stink out of this office for a year I can't come in here. I'm gonna have to get those carpet people What we talk about mcdonald's and I was looking at the people working mcdonald's right here. I know This one here. I don't want to say the name they weren't That's the two people They were a couple college kids the manager, you know, there's a great story that I think I told lee that the manager The guy that created my name is url

Yeah, great garcia when the strike when he was doing my name is url the writer strike He got a job On the mcdonald's on laurel king the creator. Yeah, and he started from the bottom washing bathrooms and shit And after three months they offered him like that's the plot of coming to america. What are you talking about? It was louis anderson's character This is 2007 2008 the writer strike He went into that mcdonald's right on radford And got a job at cbs right there by where his friends are

He didn't think his friends were gonna see him when he worked and he mopped floors and they said they promoted him to french fries And the grill then they got promoted to the camp, of course and they came to him and then they go Would you consider being like the system manager? He worked his way up to be the fucking head of uh W i mean he fucking took the checks gave him back to him. He goes this is who I am I just wanted to do this as an experience. Oh, well, you know, and I remember talking to him after he goes it was so weird Thought I was in there and doing this because you tried sometimes and I always thought about it Just got the mcdonald's job for a week, but then quitting in an awesome way stinking like that No, I'm not gonna say none. I'm never gonna come back. You want your check? Not really give it the fucking

McDonald land give it to ronald mcdonald's fucking jerk off in the fries It's so weird the last couple years since I travel and I see what america looks like and how different Sometimes you got to do what the fuck you got to do man. I think I think people don't fuck you got to do It's just a reality They don't even it's not that they're not ambitious because a lot of the most of them because they make 300 dollars a week Have to work two jobs. I don't think that many people are look up the amount of people in this country that are making Uh, minimum wage. I'm trying to find it but this church really small and I think that we are talking about a very small percentage people Maybe I'm wrong

Maybe can we get callers if calling right now eight six six five two two church eight six six five two two church And we want to know We'll find out I can't The all these charts are okay. All right. All right About 1.7 million earned below the federal wage minimum Okay, I don't even hear the sirens, but it sounds like joey just left to go fight cops He he he does fight

Shots come on cocks on us. I'm doing a podcast. I think it's Okay, so there's 3.3 of the hourly paid workers um So, yeah, okay, so it's three four and three percent of the population 3.3. Yeah That's still a lot of people though. That's with how many people on the pot. Give me the number of people because here's the thing It's 3.3 of the population makes minimum wage. Okay 78.2. Okay in 2015 78.2 million workers age 16 and older in the united states were paid at hourly rates

Representing 58.5 of all wages and salary workers Among those paid by the hour 870,000 earned exactly the federal minimum wage And the 1.7 had wages below the federal minimum wage, you know, that's that's that's fine 78 million not that many people It's bad out there. You said something very interesting You worked at Kentucky Fried Chicken. How old were you? I was uh 16 to like Like a year and a half two years if your son comes to you when he's 15 and goes dad I want to climb two years. I want to come arrow. What are you gonna say?

I'm gonna go go work in the Kentucky Fried Chicken. Whatever you make put away. I'll match it Would you say something like that? Yeah, probably that's that's what I would do crazy is that that Listen man, you always want the best for your children you uh You sit there and you go For some reason i'm very cautious about this, you know when my mom died there was nothing I thought there was millions and there was nothing My mom was still married. So he got no will. He gets first dabs. That's crazy. I uh, same thing. My parents are both dead Crazy, I hear about people getting an inheritance and i'm like inheritance. I got

Crazy, I lost so I just lost you always want to prepare I watch people get an inheritance. I'm like, oh you gained something like I'm kind of jealous in a weird way when people's family members die But you always want to prepare for your child. You always go, you know, let me prepare for her In case I drop dead doing fucking jujitsu or doing bong hits the stars at death with these two fucking savages And then you start thinking about realities. Okay. What do you want your child to do? I always think about can I take mercy to 148th street and drop her off at fucking Mr. Gomez's house for the weekend so she could stay with the sun. Could I do this? I trust you. Yeah But could they do what we were doing 20 years ago walk down the riverside drive over the bridge

Walk back around broadway walk up to 150th street Go to block parties. Could you would you trust your child to do that 10 like I did? Right? I don't know anymore No, I'm not 10. I was doing it at fucking six No, six. No, I was walking around walking the riverside drive crossing across broadway I used to live on uh And up in uh, washington heist and there's fucking like literally children like two three-year-old kids out there with no parents Like an older brother will be there like but that older brother's like seven or eight But I'm talking about two in the morning three in the morning and you go you're like, all right, dude

Well, this is I'm telling you right now those kids if they do if they don't end up selling drugs and being criminals If they don't Then that is a fucking miracle good for that guy who gets out of that because it's nearly impossible If that's what you're growing up in just in the fucking hood. No, there's no way There's no how is that up there now? It's bad still dude up in the heights There's little pockets that are nice But here's the thing the further you get away from centralized Manhattan like whatever borough it is It's really it's it's it's simple. Okay, so I get off the bus from jersey

On the george washington bridge. Can I still get weed and coke right in that area? It's not on the street as much too because they clean up the streets a lot You'd have to like you look like a fucking cop. There's no way I you look you look like you walked right off alone order And you'd be trying to buy drugs with me. There's no way you wouldn't get it I wouldn't get it. Lee wouldn't get it. Nope. You'd have to be like a Puerto Rican kid or a Dominican kid You'd have to know somebody you have to live in that area and have a guy that you know But all they have to see is you go to the store two or three days in a row

Um, you know, you buy blunt wraps, you know, they see you you say what's up a few times You'll be fine after like a few days But there's nothing on the streets like when I left there and there is but there's like there's hood guys that are like hustling The not even just in the hood like you'll go time school you'll be more likely to go down to like West 4th street by the comedy seller or like You know, um, you know union square area if you walk around union square at night on a weekend There'll be like black dudes or Puerto Rican dudes will walk around like how you want weed you want coke You can get it from those guys

But you gotta kind of like just get lucky and pass one of those dudes But there's not really dudes that are nobody dependable If you live in the hood, yes, there's guys that are hanging out and fucking stairwells that you can go to But you gotta live there. You can't just walk up by yourself. There's no way It's changed a lot. Yeah, I could buy I could get off 178th street Walk three blocks in the other direction 30 years ago 20 years ago and buy a gun

That's crazy. Coke heroin weed I didn't know math or anything like that. I wouldn't know the first step to get a gun the first step this all right, so you walk off Back in those days, this is how easy this is how crazy it was in those days you walked off uh Port authority you walked on to Broadway and

You know, I'm gonna fuck up the streets you get off on 178 on a 76 You walk two blocks and they used to be on the corner. There was a Cuban place And I would go in there sit down You know talk to people like just talk I'm gonna come by by whatever I order and eat and then from there I would walk around the block to that park. There's a park right there. I'm not good with names This is I bought a few guns there in 85

And then I bought and sold a few guns there in 93 So it was like uh, you can just like walk up and it was almost like a walk up almost like a pawn shop But I do they're playing basketball out there and it used to be a handball court I always tell people somebody told me this 30 years ago they want you want to buy a gun go to a handball court Because they're all ex felons out there playing handball. It's not like you know Everyone's a lot cops get out there and play handball, but besides that it's a shitty. It's a shitty sport It's a shitty sport, but that's what you learned to play in prison. So you talk shit. You want to hype it

Is that is that where a handball got popular was prison? I don't know. I don't know the fucking history of handball I'm just telling the other fucking, you know But I used to go there in the mid 80s Because the the word on the street was if you had a car and you wanted to get rid of it You got off like you were going to the west side highway And then you got off And right under there used to be a bridge and there was a street that oval dog in those days Oh, yeah, there's pull up your car there. So that street

Was connected to that park the people who ran that park Ran that street and walk home from the basketball court. They would take the cars That was their last mission of the day. They would take the cars and sell them You would just drop your car off come back tomorrow your car was guaranteed gone In the Bronx chopped up by fucking three immigrants on its way to fucking Saudi Arabia. Yeah, that's the truth That's the truth root So it was all connected. So somebody told me yeah, just go to the park if you want to buy a piece And one day I went out and I bought a 22 for like 55 bucks. What?

It must have shot 80 people this gun was good It was wow What was the one movie where they that's how they describe it? They're like how many bodies are on the guy? Yeah, yeah, that's what that looks like juice or one of those like if you buy a gun on the street You want it to be fucking heavy duty? You want this is the gun that killed Kennedy? But don't I thought the less The less bodies on it

The more valuable the gun was because then the less the cops are looking for this Well, the cops are looking for this gun. So they catch you and they're gonna pin you with 18 So you better get it and shoot them out a fucking quick kill somebody Throw it into the lake. The only thing that's good about this gun is that don't miss This is how fucking ghetto people are though that like you bought it for 50 bucks, right? You shoot somebody you're gonna probably sell it back to them for 25 bucks. So why would you just get rid of it? Why even waste your time throw it into the fucking river? I shoot somebody with a gun I do something bad like I did something once with a gun that was brand new 600 bucks for this gun

I threw it away. Yeah, you got it done How could you just throw gun how many guns you think are just in the fucking Hudson river? Oh Oh my god, right under the bridge people just shot somebody and the driving over they just throw it You go right where the bridge ends. You gotta stick. You got a bunch of divers to just drop They'll pick up machine guns fucking A body pops up in the Hudson every fucking day Some something from his body has to decompose into the water. Yeah, the fungi toenail

The fucking armpit red something had that that water Because I grew up in Rockland County, New York Yeah, dude, fuck it was a for five now, but back then yeah I grew up as I would come down and jump into the Hudson river to off the penny bridge and stony point Oh my god It literally jump off that bridge when the only when the high tide was coming because when the low tide was coming You'll break your fucking legs But when the high tide was in there was a certain time of day

You would jump off the penny bridge, but then they also had like fucking wooden planks So people would like shred up their legs jumping off this thing But that's the type of fucking boredom you had when you were 12 in the suburbs of New York You that you you're looking for crazy shit to do So it's almost a weird balance because no matter where you raise your kid whether it's a city or suburbs You have to worry about your kid fucking either becoming a drug addict or fucking killing themselves because of boredom Well, here's the beauty of this

And this is no yeah Years ago Rogan said to me got stuck on an airport one day And then he saw these people jumping up and down and he goes, you know, they were Cuban And he goes it made me think of you and put a smile on my face because I got to see what you're really about He goes There was eight of them and they were having a fucking parade at the terminal Yeah, like they were taking over the terminal had music on they were dancing In the 80s, it's it's not a joke, but in the 80s when you grew up in the suburbs of New York

Brooklyn The Bronx Queens, you know the Hudson River is like fucking South Beach Do you know I'm saying so if even if you watch Copland there's a scene where Two black black couple yell at Stallone they go, hey man You motherfuckers are racist and shit and that was that every weekend Because to them they don't want to go down to Jersey Shore. They don't want to go to nice beach to them and Puerto Ricans were the best

They would pull up like what a fucking four door car, right? With tinted windows knows in the four doors are open and 19 people walk out But then the trunk would pop open and out of that trunk dog. They pulled out two coolers a pig Four conga drums It was on and they would take that little corner. They would Clean the fucking grill off and they go fishing in the Hudson. Oh, yeah. Are we go fishing? Are you crazy? I grew up fishing in the Hudson. That's not even weird and take fishes out. That shit is the word That's worse than Katrina fish. Do we go crabbing in the Hudson? Oh, we go fishing in the Hudson

What do you think fucking how many bodies are we just talking about you got metal poisoning? I went bowling 18. That's why my hair started One time I went fishing my gums bleed. Me. Mike. Ask this dude Johnny Lopez that was crazy used to shoot around He used to shoot cats and dogs on a boy. I mean, it's whole family was crazy The mother was like on cancer and they used to sell her pills Her pain pills. They were 55 dollars a piece that were called tumor. I mean, they're just a crazy family Nice people though. I like them. He took his fish He took me and divo fishing one time the Hudson River and we're out there

We got a couple six by eight packs with drinking with smoke and no drugs And we're fishing and all of a sudden divo pulls out this fucking fish Like this eel Yeah, they've got tons of eels in the Hudson River. Yeah, I did and he's got chills in your line all the time And he's let him go. Oh, he slit the heart out and we ate it. We ate the fucking heart like through as well Dude, I'll tell you now. I was just that I think I'm not Americans. I'll tell you this much I don't even know what it is We've at least nailed the not eating a weird part of animals because in every other culture they fucking eat everything, dude

It's disgusting that heart lit like oh A leak in eel. You mean a tongue? Oh, Cuban humans could cook a tongue. I ate rabbit once and it fucked me up a little bit All that shit fucked me up lamb all that shit. Can I tell you why? Because it's so I had a little leg, right? It was like nothing frog too. Same thing these little dainty things You're like, dude, you're killing a fucking animal. It doesn't matter that it's smaller I get that you get more meat I mean you're taking the life of this animal, right for almost nothing for like a bite of meat

We're not primitive. It's not like we're just fucking catching so that There's no reason people want to say they a frog If somebody comes at me and goes, oh my god, we had frog for dinner. I want a back candy in the mouth because Yeah, who would eat a fucking frog? I did in Puerto Rico. I didn't pour. I did rabbit and frog because I wanted to try it Yeah, one time you my fucking wife eats Uh, uh, what are those people those lizards not lizards my wife's family eats those fucking their squirrels That's crazy. They're from Tennessee and they get squirrel and barbecue with barbecue sauce They eat the legs and shit whatever they eat your zone. I'm like, you know, I like brain

I probably when I was a kid What's that fucking with the mic? I know one of the best things my wife my mom used to make when I was like Puerto Ricans cook uh bakalaito frito Those little fish fucking smelly fish the fish that's grind it down that you deep fry it with flour And they get out they come bakalaito frito, but my mom used to make those things but bakal, uh, she used to make Frita de ceso So with some animals brains And she would take the shield to our fucking soak them in egg

Flower and slice them thin and deep fry those motherfuckers with some lemon on it When I was a kid I I watched the money. Oh, fuck. Yeah, delicious. I don't make believe I didn't even know what the fuck they were but she would cook them. So you don't know what they were Oh, no, I knew what they were she would slice them so thin and cook them that both sides were just like A half inch apart. So you never even tasted the brain. You just tasted the crispy stuff I had a fucking spicy tuna roll when I was 11 and I almost puked that was like the most exotic thing that I ever had My entire like sushi now. Yeah, I love it. Oh, please. All right. I fucking love it. I'll eat sushi I ate sushi last night sushi with this fucking I went to sushi

I went to sushi last night with brisk buffer. He told us go to that place katana right next to the comedy store How much you dropped 280 dude, dude, it was fucking crazy. Here's the we were bringing him We told them that before we should have told them afterwards Dude, he fucking he killed you dude. He killed us The voice of the ufc fucking beat us down What would you drop in there like 400 some dollars? Oh, I wasn't even drinking. Oh, no, you can't drink in there I made the mistake of taking somebody there once on business and they owe the three little steak sticks Delicious, that's that's what it was

Those things are like 20 a piece. I know we're sitting there watching it leave. Forget it. I'm watching bruce buffer Just fucking eat four of them. Just I'm in one bite at a time every time he eats when you're like I hope he's gonna suck my dick because if this is a girl at least he would suck dead have another one And every time they eat one or they mangle it like a joint you're like, yeah I'll fucking break your fingers. You better eat that Let me get another three of those. Oh my god You know who took me there one time joe rogan And joe rogan this gotta be eight years ago 10 years ago

We were at the store and we were starving because you weren't sushi. I got Joe I got $8 in my pocket. What do I give a fuck? I'm not gonna lie to you I thought we were gonna pink dot to get a sandwich I had enough for a sandwich on an iced tea He's like, no when it'll get sushi. I go dope before we go in there. I got $8. He goes. I don't give a fuck. Come on I looked at the menu They were like 20 bucks for three, right? How much for three sticks?

Uh, no, no, it's more than that. It was I don't know what it was. It was it was I think they're like $9. He's like a $12. He's sick First fucking time you ordered three at three table three dishes of yeah my heart just sunk I'm like, I hope I don't get half this check. Yeah, and then he started ordering sockies and soups and I'm looking at this I'm pleading 12s 18. It's just crazy. It's just a every every 22 24s And I'm getting more and more embarrassed. No, no, no, I don't like that shit at all. Listen down the corner There's a great little sushi spot Bruce buffer. It's All you can eat take your chances. Okay, literally won like across the street. Oh my god

It's some hell isn't listening Hollywood sushi or something like that. Oh my god We can spend 40 dollars. I love eating good, but there's some places you just avoid You know when I say to you, let's go out to dinner. Let's go out to dinner Once you start ordering those $12 cocktails my leg starts tapping. Yeah, you know after I count the second one I'm like, what the fuck are we going for here? This is just 80 and cocktails. I've never seen that because I don't drink. Yeah I don't like my friend. He's got a sister that they got her and her husband boy from go out every night They they go on facebook

They're always drinking a pale ale from this place And she just had to take another part-time job and I go that's because the drinker They they cannot be surviving on what they're making and drinking every night. It's pretty crazy, dude It's crazy being a comedian. It was easy because you're not paying for shit But how people could go out and be an alcoholic and go out to bars every night Is beyond me especially there's no dive bars in the city, correct? Are you going to four dollars dives? I mean very few when I started drinking in New York City. I was 20 years old We started going to a place called the village idiot on 14th street in 9th avenue and that place was fucking garbage

Like it's stunk like you walk in and it's smell you can smell the bathroom place down the corner from there I'll cross the street Goodfellas pizzas that's still there But this place was a fucking like the type of place where all the bartenders were just fucking In bar in bras, but they were like trashy. They weren't even hot. They were just fucking like slutty chicks And it was like peanut shells all over the floor, but it was it was five dollars and 50 cents for a but ice pitcher A pitcher and then it was a two dollar shot of like well whiskey So we would get fucking and not literally $20 you walk in you're annihilated dude. Just fucking annihilated

And we we just get into fights. We would fuck chicks in the bathroom. It was like the craziest time Um, so yeah, I guess that but I don't know any place that's like that in New York City where it's cheap Like legitimately cheap They used to be a place called Manhattan Honda is that close to that 14th and I think it's 14th and 8th See where Manhattan Honda is Lee if it's still there And I used to have a friend that worked at Manhattan Honda So he would tell me if you're ever in the city come over and say hello We'll have a cocktail and then I had a girlfriend who lived across the street

So it was like stealing I go see her and then I go meet corky and we'd walk down to this bar That was where is it? 1111. Yeah, so it was close to this. He had on the dealership. Yeah the car dealership You really there's definitely all of your references about New York are based off of where car dealerships are This guy worked there. So he introduced me to a certain put that part of New York. He knew all those bars and shit So one night me my buddy the gearhead who's now a freeholder in north bergen and that guy I met him over there and we went for a drink And we go to this place on it had to be I don't know if that's 11th and whatever

This is two blocks away either or and it's like that bar shells on the floor A little stage a bartender who was hooked on a crack just got out of rehab She just picked up the shift because she walked in here It's with that movie coyote ugly or the bar. It's like it's like a tourist trap But that's what it kind of pretends to be this place was really that this place was only packed on the weekends And it was like a couple like college students that were probably doing heroin and shit like that I'm in there one night And there's this black chick that you could tell she sucked a thousand dicks

Yeah, but she's at the bar working at jack She got half a titties out And the black dude sits next to her and that song comes on What's your man got to do with me? I got him here me I'm not trying to with what you and he just starts yelling at it And he's trying to work her at the bar and she's saying no and that song comes on I'll never forget this. I'm on the other end fucked up. There's pizza shells everywhere Some chicks getting you can't go in the men's bathroom because some shit's fucking in there

It was crazy this place. I don't know that you described so close to it And then below I remember this this guy kept saying what's your man got to do with me? What's your man got to do with me? What's your man got to do with me? I said fuck it. I gotta get the fuck out of here What's your man got to do with me? I miss all that part of new york Yeah, it's it's fucking it's hard now, man, especially it's so funny because comedians In the beginning there's no money at all like at all It's it's nearly impossible to make anybody do a comedy in the beginning

So it's like you're in the tough the best place to do it is new york city or la But to be honest i'm gonna be like i think new york city to begin and to learn how to do comedy I think that's that's one of the best places to do it There's more places to get more freedom Yeah, yeah, so I think like it's just kind of a weird ironic thing that It's such an expensive city to live in just the the cost of living is so expensive But then there's no money for the first few years. So you're just struggling You can't breathe for the first few years doing comedy in new york

Well, here's the deal. So you got a really fucking one. I went to new york for nine months in 93 And I was rocking and rolling within Two or three weeks. What is rocking and rolling me? I was doing five sets a week There were 13 comics in the room Yeah, you know before where I had come from from colorado. It was dick. Oh, yeah That's this is 94. That's all you care about a stage time and fucking you know, that's that's it, dude Oh, yeah, but I always found a way to make a pretty good living and I wasn't selling drugs like a part

How are you making money when you were in new york city? Okay? I got hooked up a friend of mine hooked me up At the time it was called virginia. Can I take a piss dude? I'm gonna pee so bad. I want to hear this Take your time Lisa yet. Yes, sir. What's up cock sucker? Oh my goodness. First off. I'd like to thank siso tv for Putting my special on that. I don't know if you guys know it. We were the number one All-time premiere special and this is thank to you guys man. You guys

Help me out with this. I really needed this for siso and You know, everybody's happy. You guys made my fucking. Yeah, so Thank you very much for being very loyal and you know, I loved you guys at all my heart And all that shit. So that that's worked out. Well, I got him in there Let me give us some shout outs real quick First off, uh, I want to shout out again to the death squad and church families for really coming together From bobby sharon and crystal right now having a they're listening right now reviewing party To cow Wallace to dust and oasis

to jason I don't fucking know silverback surfer david nalasco ratliff 307 Siko ookey spooky tracy the church family Turn michael who came to three fucking shows, you know, everybody who supported the podcast I love you mother fuckers with all my heart, man

Thank you very much for everything you've done for us and that's all I wanted to tell you right now I wanted to take that and tell you that you made my fucking year. This is the best christmas present. I've ever had so Thank you very much and I'm fucked up too late. Don't feel too bad. No, I'm I'm I'm a little fucked up What what what what is it? I'm not a super fucked up. Yeah, you're ready for another one. Let's do it. All right This will put us at what 16 16 mother fucking hundred kilometers of death You catch it. What are you looking away for? You want one? Yes, I only go for 600. You're already you're already cross-eyed when you're talking to come on guys

I think you guys really you think that I'm a pussy. I've been smoking almost every day since I was uh Almost 18 years old. Listen. Just hit you a different way Yeah, and if you're not used to these if you eat 600 and walk out of here. Yeah. Oh my god. You're a legend You're a fucking legend. No, shut up. Oh, please. You're a legend You walk out of here with 600. I'll walk out with a thousand. I will do. No, you won't No, you won't. No, you won't. No, you won't. No, you won't. You tomorrow I'll get a call that they call the hospital. No, that's ridiculous. Get anxiety attacks. Yeah, bro No, wait, I'll tell you the amount of tg. I've taken the amount of tg. It's just a drug

No, I know it's not the tg does not affect you the same way that smoking it affects you. No No, not even close I don't know the science behind it, but I'm telling you right now. It's just thc now Call Joe Rogan. He'll tell you an hour It turns to something else in your liver And it becomes hallucinogenic and you fucking ask Owen Benjamin Ask red band when he called the ambulance twice. No Yeah, he had to pull over on the one how many how many how many do you have to pull over?

This was years ago when it first started the craze. Nobody really knew Nobody really knew what exactly it did to you. So you pop one interesting question For something. No, not interesting. What interesting before It's funny because ever since The last the last week I've really been thinking about 1993 in my life Yeah, that was a really deciding factor in my life to why I got here

That was the first decision big year. Well, what happened was I got divorced. I was broke. I was out of options and I had to move back to new york And I really wanted to do comedy like I was doing comedy by the year and a half a part time I was doing it like here and there to pick up a fucking blowjob or whatever. Yeah, I really had to do Were you protect because I remember my first year of doing comedy I pretended that I didn't want to do comedy. I was just hosting shows and I was like, I don't really know I wasn't even hosting. I was doing three minutes here two minutes here. Yeah, I was inconsistent I wouldn't write but when I went to new york, I went out at night

But immediately when I went to new york, I got a job dropping off packages for It's amazing like how much hustle there was back then There was a job dropping off packages. Hello packages to businesses for like AT&T I forgot virginia and something. Yeah, it was like an AT&T division at that time I had I had that job for like two or three months and the kid goes, you know what? We're gonna switch it to Brooklyn and I didn't want to go to Brooklyn every day like they were gonna move zones I was with them towards the end of new jersey and all the Manhattan and upper Manhattan

There was three or four of us. They paid us 400 a week and all we had to do was drop all 20 packages, bro Like it wasn't hard at all And then I went on backstage. Is that still out in new york? Yeah, but all those things are kind of dying now because of the internet the internet So put those things out there. Yeah, but those things had jobs All catered to comedians actors Selling it making insurance appointments. What are you fucking kidding me? They give you 10 an hour And 25 an appointment and 35 more if they sell the fucking you know stupid shit

Yeah, but you're making a living dog. Yeah, but you got to focus on You gotta focus on it. I was like it's 17 year old dude. They had a I had a fuck it was like a whole Like 30 fucking telemarketers in a room just calling up old people trying to get them to uh, it's like Refinancing their mortgages. Yeah our whole goal and I have no idea. It was a shady business Was to get their social security number you get the social security number. You got 12 bucks. You got everything else You got eight bucks. It's so we were literally just we were destroying these old people's lives They had teenagers doing it We didn't give a fuck dude because you get that 12 dollars every time 12 dollars

So if you were good, I was a monster I was I just knew numbers dude. There's a ratio boom play the ratios keep on going keep on going keep on going keep on Going and I was just just dialing like a motherfucker It was an awesome job, but I know that I ruined probably Three or four hundred people's lives completely old people probably a few suicides in there It's like your family's just losing it all I don't know what they did with the social security numbers. It wasn't good. No, no Before the there's before the internet so nobody could look it up, dude

There was no like it was the better business bureau at the time like there was like there was internet at this time But it was like you'd have to like go to the better business bureau website and look up to see if somebody took a claim Now there's fucking help for everything So you could easily find out if somebody's shady in terms of business But back then you could fucking people were just crushing it. Oh, it's amazing I sit here some time. Look, you were talking about lighters before They're stealing stupid shit for a long time when I was in my real loser fate of life My mentality was if you're that stupid to leave it there, I'm gonna steal it

Yeah, which is a horrible mentality. Well, not somebody learns a lesson. Yeah, I think it's if you get away With it. I forget what there was a movie where they talked about that It was a great scene in the movie But I was like if you can get away with it, you kind of that's your payment, you know what I'm saying which I kind of under there's like a You know the You know an honor honor an honor and thievery type of mentality Which I kind of I always like in a movie like I always kind of root for the thieves and like, you know

That always kind of plays to me in a weird way. I grew up fucking Like I tell you my mom would my mom would teach me to steal fucking testers when we go to a Baxter's pharmacy And she'd be like, yeah, I go and like take me to like the perfume testers and if they catch you tell them It's my birthday and just start crying They've been bedded in my head when I was like six and seven years old. That's like some crazy fucking No, my mom didn't like buying that unless it was stolen It's crazy unless somebody brought us something stolen from a truck. She didn't like it. I don't want nothing. I don't want none it's funny that uh

So to fucking tell you something when I forgot what the fuck it was god damn it It's funny that you said that before I I You know, you just had these wild fantasies as a father and what you want for your child, you know, yeah And I sit here some times and go, you know, I said that statement Lee because first of all I'm gonna talk her into Like I would talk your son until Lee When he's 17 and he comes to me and goes on kujo

You think I should be on the fucking radio like you and my dad. I'm like, oh fuck no It was a different time then, you know, there was hookers and shit now I'm gonna go, you know, maybe go to college, but not right now. I want you to learn something first I want you to learn about people. I want you to learn about human Nature and I think the best thing To teach somebody about that is belly of belly sales. Yeah Belly of belly sales makes you realize this bullshit is out there. I'm going out to my car for my license I'll be right back. What happened to that guy either say that are you that stupid?

Are you that fucking moronic? No, but he said don't believe nobody And then you really learn about society and after a year come back to me in a year That you keep one job steady for one year. You don't give a fuck. You're just gonna grind it out Yeah, there's nothing better out there. It's just a job You're gonna live at home. You're gonna eat at home. I'll even give you a little fucking extra spend I'll make your car payment do this for a year. Yeah And I help you out. You can bank your money and I'll give you 50. You know what I'm saying like just so they learn What's out there before listen, man, most people and even me

As fucking slick as I thought I was When I was going to college Once you decide you got to do something with your life. It's fucking scary. We've had this conversation before Lee Four years is over, bitch Four years is over the diploma. You got to become a five beta kappa. You got your dick suck now You got to go find the fucking job. It's fucking scary out there I almost feel like it's starting over. You go find the job now. You got to go through now You have to learn how to find the job

You learn how to find a job then learn the ends you got to start from the bottom of that bottom again Then it's like 10 years later. You've wasted your whole life on some fucking job. You hate your now You're 28 to 30 years old. You wasted your whole life. You're like, holy shit, dude I fucking hate this and this is what I have to do. That's what sucks about the school model and that fucking thing I think like I would encourage my kid to be an entrepreneur I would encourage my kid to fucking, you know, not necessarily like You know, I want him to like come to me. It's a here's the thing, right? He's in preschool right now And this is what I love about his preschool

It's like a play based preschool name all these stations set up when he walks in And the idea is he goes to what he wants to do and then the teachers come around to these different stations with the kids And they kind of as the kids are playing Uh, they kind of inject the lessons about math and reading and the different things that they can do around what the kids are Kind of interested in so it's a it's a pretty progressive kind of cool way of teaching these little kids And I think that's kind of a microcosm for for kind of how I want my kid to like look at life And how he how he does things and chooses to do things in life It's like do what you want to do. You'll figure out how to make the money around it

It's an old stupid fucking saying, you know, do what you love and the money will follow Yeah, but it's legitimately a real thing and I kind of believe that, you know, I believe it too No, I believe it in terms in terms of the sale. It takes a lot of courage to believe it it takes a lot of courage to sell it to people but If you dive into something and you hold hardly diving like when I don't want to stand up dog I don't I bought it. I bought the whole flag. I knew What I got a job at a comedy club and asked the comics questions And even though they all said you don't want to do this. You don't want to do that

I knew that what they were avoiding and that's why there's somewhere else now I was never scared of work or hard work. Yeah, I knew that for four years. You gotta live like a no man What does that mean? You can't have much. That's it. Can't have much. Well, that's a it's like comedy college It's comedy. You go out there. You know, there's very few people You know, there's like two or three that make any money before that like, you know, like it's it's not even exaggeration There's very it just doesn't happen So you're paying your dues, but that's what I was saying before about being in new york Because that's a fucking tough place to pay your dues

LA is great, dude Pay your dues out here. You're fucking it's beautiful. Weather rents cheap. Yeah, but everywhere you're gonna pay your dues is tough I paid my dues in denver in seattle You know I mean the beginning you're just an open miker both those places have uh legal weed now. It's kind of interesting That's fucking crazy. So back then you know what it's? Yeah, I started in denver and I Was an open miker I didn't have to three or four months. You're like fuck this job

Yeah, you're like fuck this job. I want to be a comedian and then you go into this life of death It just becomes zero. I was living off my credit cards and then once they want to ride Mr. Gomez I was fucked Yeah, and I started hustling I learned how to put together hustles Like one of the hustles that you said to me. What did you do in jersey league? Take notes, bitch My buddy hashway came to me and he goes died I'm gonna buy a car you could use it

What I want you to do is pay me off the car and buy that for $200 You could use it around jersey. Don't take it into the city. I'm gonna get insurance for here But it's your car pretty much. He goes. I want you to become partners with me on my breakfast He goes Think about it. Let me know what you think and I asked him what he goes I got people coming in but I really want to build my delivery service. What do you think? And I thought about it for a week and I went back. I was doing comedy And I was really into the comedy scene. I wasn't getting nowhere though. I was just bombing in new york every night

You pay three dollars to give you a drink ticket Yeah, but in those people some places you had to bring people in those days Some places as long as you bought the three dollars and you got the drink ticket They didn't give a fuck if you bought and that's what I did. I just zipped into places Did six minutes bombed and would ask myself what the fuck am I doing? I said the one thing that's cool now is in new york. There's a whole open mic community where there's no fee Nothing like that. You just go up and they support each other. Yeah, no, that's I knew it would grow at this time It was still a lot of clubs a lot of action

Seven nights a week. There was fucking 10 open mics in new york and all the five barrels. It's it's tremendous Jersey, I would go to this fucking st. Rocco's play. I mean it was just it was just great, you know But I wasn't getting nowhere. I was spinning my fucking wheels. It was the beginning, you know So I said I got to figure out a way how to make a fucking living too in those days. It was 25 a gram for Cut and 35 for uncut It's right on 178th street weed was 10 and five dollars still I wasn't doing bad with that either because all I had to do was go over the bridge for people and shit like that

So I figured out a way to get I I went into I went into hashway one day and I go dog I need for you to pay me eight bucks and I would make phone calls And I called all the I went in the yellow pages and I got all the businesses in the area I got in the car and I would any place that was a mile away Body shops Anything and I went in and go let me get you faxed them. I'm gonna fax your menu every day And every day I get that fucking 9 30

And I'd start faxing numbers Just press it was one sheet and just press the numbers and other and I'd be there for 30 minutes And dog next to you know order started coming in he went from three deliveries a day the 10 to 15 to 25 What's the soup of the day? It was my own fucking department. Yeah, you know, I was walking out of that one time Bro, I was in shock when I did the math now I was making 80 dollars a day in tips. That's 400 Plus another fucking, you know, he was giving me another two or 300 a week. Yeah, I was making 2800 delivering fucking sandwiches though 2800 and still wasn't paying my bills

And I was fucking doing open mics and I was probably driving a limo I had eight jobs at one time when I was in New York when I was an open miker I mean, that's just I was I had a big nut And I had a big addiction Yeah, and I had to pay rent. I had no car I had the I had the hashways car and then I got a job driving limos because the guy gave me a fucking limo It was tough, man. Yeah, it's tough out there. I can't imagine now Where they've cut some of the hustles

You know now, what are you gonna do if you just want to sell weed see an open miker Could sell weed Well, I think the problem now is like people also That they get to keep on going on because everyone's online. Everyone's interconnected. Everyone knows what's going on So people aren't like dropping off as much like and then also in New York now. It's not even like that It's not like 10 of mics now literally in New York City. There's like without even exaggeration There's probably 200 shows going on tonight if you count everything Between all the five boroughs easily now the comedy cell is packed

The stand is packed and it's packed. There's two rooms. I got the village on a comedy cell The village underground which is packed huge room comedy cellar village underground is packed The stand is packed And then there's just a bunch of clubs the New York comedy club got them is packed Gotham's always doing well Clear comedy club. Is that Al Martin still? Yeah. I'm orange in New York. Oh, no. No, he sold the New York comedy club He sold it. Okay. He's Broadway still and he's got another one right by the comedy cell called Greenwich Village So, I mean, there's there's like there's like 15 clubs, but then there's all of the other there's independent rooms There's like another like 30 like cool like independent bar shows that are like hip and like, you know

the industry comes to and then there's a bunch of shitty open mics and Craziness, but yeah, it's great. Do New York's New York's a thriving place But it's also a fucking shit ton of comics and aren't doing anything And it's like there's no barrier of entry. So it's just kind of like the competition just keeps on rolling in, you know Me, I'd rather right now if I was an open mica I'd go to michigan. I go to chicago Develop an act go to houston develop an act first and then come in and have tempi I go to portland. I go to seattle. There's so many markets that you could go in

You're still gonna struggle But it's going to be a little easier struggle You know live with three dudes in a two bedroom. You might have to live on the couch or under the stairway But you know, you're gonna be a bar back three nights a week And also movie theater when you come to new york city or la and I started in new york city And you know, I know dude, you're fucking starting off being somebody where everyone has their eyes on you as you're not good at comedy Yeah, you're not gonna be good for a few years. So if you work for a few years outside of new york Get good and come there you have, you know 15 minutes that you're gonna press people with you're gonna be in a good position

Well bro, you went to new york when he had 20 minutes 15 years ago You know, that was good. He was developing in seattle. Mitch headberg Already had an hour or two when he moved to new york. Yeah, you know, that's one thing Here's the thing if you're good, you'll make an impression right away. Yes, people want here's the people want good comedy It's it's like, you know, and there's a lot of shit comments. You kind of stand out when you're good in new york What about just as a person like not as a a comedian is it still worth it to live in new york city? What do you as a person? Yeah, because like it's always depends on what you want to do

Everyone's a fucking rock star in new york The attitude in new york city is if a celebrity walks past you on the street Just if you work in a fucking banker or the library your attitude is like, uh, who gives the shit I don't give a fuck because the average banker thinks that they're the fucking rock star of their bank, you know what i'm saying? So There's like an almost like you ain't shit type of attitude in new york city So you almost have to kind of have that if you want to go there Because I don't think anybody's going to new york city to kind of be happy and content with not

Making it quote-unquote whatever in whatever industry you're going into. It's too. It's too high of a risk Why wouldn't you just move to the suburbs and do something else? You know Okay, oh, I see what you're saying. I mean, I don't really think i'm that cutthroat But it's always been a dream of mine to live in new york city. So I mean, I think eventually at some point Not really, you know I mean, I'm in the industry, but I'm not I don't think I wanted to stand up um But I don't I ever since I was a kid visiting new york from boss and it's just

I love boss and it's like it's it's it's my home But new york's a different feeling new york and as soon as you get as soon I remember getting because I always used to take those buses and they drive through harlem and as soon as you get into harlem It's it's it's it's a different feeling. Please start screaming because black people are approaching the bus. Oh, it's terrifying But um, I had illusions of grandeur move my family in new york I always liked the idea walking around the upper west side Holding hands and walking to school like I did And doing spots and I got the reality that I couldn't afford to live on the upper west side

So I have to live in fucking middle of new jersey somewhere, which I wouldn't know you could afford to live in the upper west Fuck no, I can't no and I wouldn't do it. Not problem. I I don't listen man. I think you do believe I'm not moving into a fucking apartment. No, well, that's the thing You're not gonna fucking have like I'm sure what you have out here is fucking No, no, no, no, no, I can't go back. Well, you could for in reality, right? You got a daughter and a wife. Is that it? Yeah, I need to bet. No, no, no, I have a bedroom. I need Three bedrooms all together. Okay for a three bedroom apartment up or so. Were you used to 88th and Broadway? Yeah, it's I don't know. You can look it up. No, it won't be that much. It'll be cheaper than that

Six thousand seven thousand. Yeah, that'll be that's a big stress level to put yourself on the way you're my age You can find you can find it for you can find it for five if you really look now Probably six seven. Listen, man, I wouldn't want to put my side I wouldn't want to start the month minus seven for a fucking apartment. Yeah, that's expensive with a rat downstairs and No winter I can't do it. I'm thinking in terms of a one bedroom, which is like yeah. Yeah, no Check that price out. Yeah Lee, what would you do in New York that you just want to do like uh, I'm not I'm not going anywhere anytime soon I'm just saying one day. Yeah, eventually

Like it just seems like a place the place to be like I I honestly thought I'm trying looking for these stats. No, it's okay. Um I honestly Thought when I was going to college and I would end up in New York. I didn't think I'd be in LA But I got a I got a job offer. So yeah, yeah, dude. I didn't fucking dude. I didn't fucking like New York at all when I first Move there. Really? Yeah, I would visit with my friends like once in a while when I was like in my teenage years And it was just too much dude

There's too much fucking craziness and too much noise But then you start to realize that that's only like Times Square. Like that's not like oh, yeah, I hate Times Square Times Square is the worst. Yeah, you know a little like cool areas You go to Chelsea or like, you know, health's kitchen or like, you know, lower east side There's like cool luck pockets that aren't like chaotic like that, but Yeah, dude, it's fucking I don't know man. I New York City is a fucking I don't I don't know if I want to raise my kid for the rest of my life in New York City

So, oh, yeah, like that's the thing. I don't think you could I mean granted It's these are just my opinions without having a kid But I don't know if you could raise a kid in the city So that's why if I did it it would be before I had kids. That's why I'm no you I do raise a kid in the city We currently live in live in the city with the kid Is it is it harder? It's way harder. I mean, dude, I'll tell you now like not driving like do what here's the thing When I live in New York City with a child, you got to leave a half an hour early for everything that you would just do alone Just fucking walking dude. He walks and you can't fucking drag him. You gotta fucking like my mom

I probably would have just dragged me and fucking Grabbing my leg and dragging me down the street when you caveman But you can't do that, you know, so you literally got to walk your fucking kid And he's now in an age where he just is too big for me to put him on my shoulders He's fuck almost four. He's he's big too Um, so yeah, it's a dude. It's a lot harder, man You know, it's also like it's like kind of fucking dirtier like, you know, I got at my hand I don't want my kid's hand on a fucking guardrail on this New York City subway

I just thought about the money I thought about the winter time. I thought about the nut I would have to make I thought about the drive to Kennedy airport or Newark or whatever and I thought about my life here that You know, I'd have to move Lee out at first to do the podcast find him in the fucking apartment You know, you know, they just they would be living fucking. Oh, Lee would love it on a couch with Coney Island Yeah, leave him live and totally even give a fuck. I would have to live on a couch these prices are ridiculous and You look at what nut you have to make and you have to be realistic. I'm not 30 fucking

Oh, my god, that's 32. You could sell me a boat about anything and I would think about and go now I know what that nut is. I know what that nut is. I know what that nut is at the beginning of the fucking And I know what the fucking cabs are. There's something about There's something about like the quote I almost feel like mentally I really mean this and you know, it's with sales too So like let's say you had a sales goal, right? Whatever the sales goal was for the month, right? Just typically, you know, if they made the sales goal, let's say five more units that month or the next month You hit it. You hit the goal, you know what I'm saying? So if the if the nut needs to be bigger

I just think is it with a sales mentality? You would just make a bigger nut. You know, I agree with you I would do that. I've been doing that all my life. So you would just that's not the problem I don't think it would change your like the problem. You would be I'm paying seven g's for a fucking apartment. Is it seven g's? All right, so what three g's a month that could be going into an account for my door Okay, so there's downtown midtown Upper west side, upper west side. Okay. And you want a three bedroom? Yeah, a walk up starts at six thousand Oh walk up and an elevator door man starts at 72 grand just to pay rent a grand for an elevator

You want an elevator door man, dude? You don't want to fucking walk up. No, that's what I'm saying No, no, I dream about walking up fucking That's what I do every fucking day. No, I walk around going. You know what? I'm gonna move out of here because there's no Fucking steps. I want to walk up full flights of fucking steps. I see steps. I get inside. No, they They're fucking healthy and healthy for some people. I don't like stairs. I see stairs and ruins my appetite That's nothing about New York City. Fuck that shit. I got in the summertime. It's been august lee. Oh, dude It's it's fucking 98 degrees It's humid as fuck. There's dirt in the air. You can't breathe. You got to walk up subway steps

Sometimes you find you hit a certain thing where you're like deep in brooklyn You realize you had to walk up by four flights of stairs on the subway in the summer It's fucking awful, dude And then you got to do it with a baby now imagine you got a three-year-old that you got to carry up these fucking stairs It's craziness No, thank you. I'm 53 Eight g's a month. So when I look at something now, I have to look at it for the family How's this affect the family?

I have friends that have kids and they put themselves in holes And and and look at them and I go, how can you put yourself in this hole? Yeah to be cool You know to have like a motorcycle or something. What are you fucking crazy? Yeah, every movement I make Is around my family has to work out for them. Of course, you know, I tell people people get pissed off being on my schedule I got a crazy thing about my my agent called me last night He said don't these people offered you this you should definitely take and I said what week is any game in the week? I go, that's three weeks a month I go, I got a room. He goes, yeah, but you should really do it. I go listen

I take it when I got I got a family I got a podcast but I got my house Those are all my jobs. I told you a year ago It's two weeks a month. I don't care what you throw at me. I don't give a fuck You know when I'm in town here on fridays and saturdays, I'm with them, bro Yeah, I don't really like this week. I'm not doing comedy. I do comedy next. I gotta start from scratch anyway The special came out. It's over Congratulations, by the way, thank you. No, no, no, it's a lot of so

You know when I any move I make I gotta think about my family I know you were friends and with type but every move I make I gotta think about them How does it affect them? You know these people call you for all this shit and they get pissed at you and you're like, you don't understand That doesn't benefit them I can't take them with me to fuck. I just got a call for some comedy festival in Louisiana And the guy called me back. He's like, I don't understand why you can't do it I go the money's fucking terrible

And I can see if I brought my family down on me, but I'm losing You're taking me away from my family for a third of what I make I gotta stay at home with them I don't want to be that comic that goes on the road every week And then has a stroke in fucking Connecticut one week and now I can't go on the road no We have lives man. I don't want to be that guy. I saw what that does to people Every week to be on the road. Fuck you my friend. Fuck you I need to reduce my batteries. I need to be with my family

I like taking my daughter to school and picking her up and You know going to lunch with my wife to some shitty taco place or going to see a movie I don't want my life to be when I was 30. Yeah, I could do all that shit. I could do Did you see a rival by the way a rival? No, I didn't see nothing. Oh Great fucking movie, but you got a kid dude. It's the worst It's brutal. Do you got a fucking daughter? Oh my god. You to see a rival joey. Do you cry movies ever? All the time. Okay, you're gonna fuck. I mean, and I mean this joey. What kind of movie is it? It's uh, it's like a oh will smith. No, no, no to sci-fi. It's like it's fuck it

Well, first of all stop right there. I don't do sci-fi. Let me tell you joey. It's got like 98 percent of rotten tomatoes Listen, listen, is it not funny the line? It's a negative 98 percent on joey to me Joey tomatoes. Come on Listen to me. I would never happen in my world. You listen to me. It's a great movie Everyone loves it. It's gonna win every fucking award this year That's great. I'm happy for you That's great. I'm not everybody but now listen to me

It's not it's not it's not your typical fucking sci-fi movie. Okay. I won't go to it at all You can talk to your purple in the same That's a really mad one. Can you tell can you tell the trailer on? Can you watch it? Sure Are you are you watching to the trailer on Lee? Okay. Let's see here. Listen to me. It's a good movie But it will fucking it will break your heart. Sure. Would you watch it on tv if it came out? No What if it wins best movie? What if it wins best movie of the year? I haven't seen avatar That's a lot of movies. I have avatar stings. So that's stupid. This isn't like that, dude

There's a lot of movies or the movies of the year that I could tell just by looking at the no This isn't sci-fi like that, dude. I'm telling you right now. Watch the trailer. You gotta watch it. It's fucking cool Oh, he's not gonna watch this Scrap, what do you know? Yeah, sure. What do you know? Did you say it? No, I I I recognize the trailer I keep forgetting what he knows me. Well, you know, he's seen people pitch me to that purple He has he knows that there's people waiting for me at movie theaters. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry for giggling Listen to me. I'll tell you I'll meet you. Yeah, we'll go tomorrow I'll meet you that four o'clock wait for me. I'll be there

Buy me a ticket, buy me a ticket, buy me a soda and fucking nachos. Sure I turn it up All right, here we go It's Amy Adams. All right, that's the only reason why we're gonna see this movie. So she's hot. Yeah, I like her Yeah, she's cute. She's beautiful. She's Irish just how I like them Red hair and dirty. I love white chicks, dude. That's my shit. Oh, love them. That's right. Is your wife white? Fuck. Yeah Irish like this. I fucking love it White chicks are the best

Okay, so this doesn't look like sci-fi so far Where are they from? You'll be reporting to me, but you'll be working with him when you're in the show That's what they call it on the UFO I knew out of three actors I like see The giant turd I was being carted off in the medevac Not everyone is wired for what you're about to do So what do they look like?

You'll see soon enough Every 18 hours the door opens up. That's where we go in She's a language specialist And they're like they're communicating with these aliens. All right, turn it off. It's over. Yeah, that is it. He just said the word aliens That's it. No, we don't know what they are. You're just a bird I don't give a fuck if it's two birds, you know This fucking forest Whitaker and his eye That's okay. That's I seen forest Whitaker in other movies. Are you what you're saying? I don't like martians and fucking what's his name?

That's a proper introduction More objects have landed around the world This is one of 12 I'm never going to be able to speak their words. Got two days to figure something out I am human It's their language We need to make sure it's great dude. I'm getting goosebumps right now. It's really good. It's good Turn this shit off

Killing me over here. It's fucking great. The fucking took a 10 minute minute gap out of the podcast Yeah, that looks good. Take this shit off warships and martians. Let me tell you something. You will fucking you will cry You will cry your eyes out. I don't like nothing. No, he won't because he's not gonna see it I'm not gonna go see it. Trust me. Oh my god. My wife will go see you. Give me a review That was great. Anyway, my wife likes these movies I don't like I don't like sci-fi either. I hate it. I like I don't like drama I don't like sad movies. I like all that shit. I didn't hear martians Dan Soder, do you know dan? No, he's a fucking great guy. He bought me a ticket to see this movie. I didn't know

I was like, I don't I don't want to see I didn't know what it was. He was a dude. It's great. Everyone's saying it's great I was like fine Sad fucking movie. I don't like sad movies. I've dealt with sadness in my life So I don't need to watch fake fucking sadness. It's so funny to me that people go and watch it's the only people like cocoon I don't remember it. I remember when I was a kid. I don't remember people. They jumped in the pool. Yeah. Yeah That was okay. I didn't want to see that either, but that's a sad fucking sci-fi movie. It was a sad It's good when somebody dies somebody gets shot in the head. It don't bother me much. I like comedy I don't like movies that are designed to make you cry

Well, rocky ain't designed to make you cry cry like a bitch Which one though? All of them. No rocky one part of rocky three. I cry. Mr. T I don't think so But I cried to all of them pop basically Rocky, I love you. Oh that shit makes me go fucking bad anything with uh anything godfather got shot in the beginning I cried anything about being a dad like that shit like now. There's all the kids movies too You know, we fucking dads get killed in kids movies now good dinosaur fucking uh

You know lion king, which is good. You got babies mom gets killed. You got to prepare them They could come so you got to sit them down and go listen I snorted a couple ounces in my day some badass I swam in the Hudson. I had crabs from the Hudson. I hang out with Puerto Rican people Most people live to their 74 most men. I might not make it there. So number one, let's do the best we can And number two, I'm just letting you know people disappear from time to time I gotta let him know you gotta let him know do you with your daughter when uh person dies Because I don't even had a really deal with it because his grandpa just died is uh his mom's father

And you know, she you know, he doesn't really get it. He's four. No, they don't get it But in the movie is they kind of like oh His grandpa died I mean listen, he just doesn't give a fuck really, you know, he's not there at the age My dad died when I was that age when I was four years old my wife My wife's father looks like fucking Herman Munster If my daughter if he dies and my daughter had to go back and see him in that box It would shock her for her life. She didn't want to know what the fuck this is. Oh, yeah

No, no, we didn't bring him to the funeral. She wouldn't know what the fuck this is. They don't understand that I don't think I understood my dad's death at three. I don't think my mom took me down there My mom no, no, I didn't go to the funeral my mom told me at four. I remember my mom telling me I remember the blue sheets on my grandma's bed She on my great grandma's bed. She sat me down. She said oh your dad your dad died He's in heaven now. She was crying and I remembered not really feeling much. You know, did you go to the wake? No Well, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, I didn't go to the wake I'm in my mom telling me he died and I didn't really understand it for about a year

But I didn't go my mom didn't take me to the wake. I would just no Yeah I see it's kind of fucked up of that. Yeah, it's not at that age because you're you're so sensitive to your programming them It's like to deal with that type of shit. I don't know, you know one of the worst things I ever did as a kid That was about 10 or 11 and you didn't say New Jersey. My mom had the bar This little boring girl got kidnapped Little boring girl got kidnapped. They were missing for five days and they found both of them caught up dead And I'll never forget that for some reason or another I decided to go to the wake

Jesus like I was just a young kid for no reason. I watched it on the news. It bothered me so much. How old were you? Maybe eight nine 10 And I walked I was at McKinley. So I no no, I wasn't at McKinley It was the summer of catholic school and I walked to union city and I stood online And I walked past to dress. Did you dress like anything or you were just fucking dressed like a little kid just dressed like a little kid I just something about those two kids dying. I felt like I was connected to that age. I don't know why

I just didn't know why I saw it on the news and I felt so fucking bad and after that I remember that I never talked to nobody in a fucking car like when people pulled up next to me the fuck you're talking about It was really weird how these are the things you fear for for your child, man You don't know how to break it down to my legs But that was then you could fucking we were walking around and I was in the suburbs So I was in the city But even then the suburbs were fucked up too. There was pedophiles out in the suburbs

I'll please pedophiles ever we talked about this You know about this a couple weeks ago. Yeah, I mean we were fucking walking around my mom. I mean From the time I was five On I mean four or five on my sister was two years older than me. She kind of watched me a little bit But we would just go out. I mean we would disappear for the whole day. That's it Did your parents talk to you about pedophilia when you were five or four ever? My dad was murdered when I was four. My mom My mom was pretty open with like a lot of fucking crazy shit. Like I was like, I knew what sex was my mom was like

You know, it's almost like over to a fault. Like she she didn't she fucked up She was kind she was trying to like be open about shit and like teacher kids my mom too. She just fucked up She didn't get how to do it the right way. She the the idea was right, but she fucking missed the target Lee you're ready for another star debt Star of death Star of death Lisa yet Lisa yet

I I think now about the mistakes my mom made that I don't want to make with mercy I don't want to tell i'm not going to tell my daughter. I'm a standard for however long I could hide it. Yeah However long the other day she came running in the office And I was trying to everything. You know, they would send me notes for the special. This is about two weeks ago They wanted me to cut the beginning. I left here. Me and Lee looked at it And I took it home and I I we went home. I went home that next day I was trying to write the minutes and she came in And she goes daddy

And I thought she was gonna catch and she didn't catch it and she ran on she goes mommy mommy daddy's on the computer I'm the pooter Whatever fuck she says My wife Peter Mike is this pewter pewter the pewter and then my daughter goes look mommy And then I said something but she never really caught it and a couple weeks ago at school Something happened where they asked her as your dad funny and she goes nah And they all laughed and they were like he came in today and they said I said, you know guys Don't fucking say no

You know they asked me at my kids preschool because I wrote it on the thing that i'm a comedian That's what your occupation was. I should just write radio because I work as a sex exam Um, but they were like, oh would you want to come in and do jokes with the kids? I was like lady, do you know what the fuck I do like and then she told me she looked me up afterwards At the parent teacher. She was like, she was like, yeah, I know we get it I said look, I'll come I know how to juggle and I'll like joke around with the kids And you could tell them that I work in like radio and stuff like that We can maybe come in and they can record their own radio show because you know

But my kid thinks I do podcasting for work because I do a lot of podcasting So, you know, he knows like, you know, when I go out to my studio and you know Yeah, he doesn't understand what stand-up is, you know, and I tell I tell ridiculous jokes like I fucking like my kid, you know, he should never I curse around them No, I try not to I really try not to slip and he don't pick it up No, he'll fucking he tells me she has if I cursed and he's like no dad But then he catches me but then he gets to fucking say because he knows what he's doing So I'll say fuck and he's like, it's like dad. You can't say fuck

And then I'm like, I'm like James, you know, you can't say he's like, yeah, but you can't say that I'm like Oh, no, okay. Got me. She hasn't got me. Yes. Mother fucker I gotta tell you why I love you so much I'll tell you the rain reason why I love you so much. Why the last time you were in here You fucked me up because I left here And I thought about somebody who was really important to me growing up like he was a big bridge And we're trying to put it together, you know, he's got the hiv Yeah, you know, so uh, I remind you of a guy that has it

Bro, when he when we was 16, he didn't have the hiv right. All right, but he was one of the most solid dudes I haven't met. He was cuban and french. Yeah, his name was deedy contero. He's got a brother carlos And deedy was a bridge like I think about deedy now Like dog this guy. He's called man child. He was fighting men when he was 15 Yeah, and he was a badass motherfucker. Yeah, we got into some fucking shit when we were kids, you know I told his brother some of the stories because I didn't know you guys are doing that show like fuck. Yeah, we were robbing gas station 1516 we had it. We thought we had to figure that right. He had a devilish smile like you But you know what my mom died he took right to me and every day we go back to his house

His mom would feed me and shit They would give me the biggest piece of chicken and he would get mad as my mom Why does he get the big piece of chicken because his mother died? That's why all right He's your fucking chicken and you remind me a lot of him and I think about deedy a lot now. Let me tell you how deep he went Just to tell you this guy people women would come up to me girls in high school come up to me and go How do we get with him? Yeah, he was like a ladies man You know, we were friends till high school. I left in 83 we lost contact his brother was wanted They were looking to kill his fucking brother some gangsters and right before I left

They were looking to kill me too. Not the same people and I was at a shop right one of those places like in fucking The other end of jersey and who do I see in the hallway? That's so funny. Shop right such a fucking where I grew up like It's everywhere. Yeah. Yeah, I saw callos and I go callos and he goes Don't tell nobody you saw me. I go callos. They're looking for me through. We start laughing. That's the last time I saw them Years later. I go home and I go, what about the deed you go like bro, you better sit down And they go this motherfucker Because when we were kids we did a lot of acid, bro There was a lot of nights that we just went straight like there was no recovery

We just did acid every night. We did acid for a week straight and we take two nights off And then his brother would go out and we'd wait for his brother We'd do a quailude and we'd drink a bottle of pupa vodka And we wait for his brother to come home. We'd sit down till he gave us a line of coke We were 15 16 were fucking kids man, you know Years later. They told me he was the guy that pulled up next to you in the car And asked you what are you doing right now on a bicycle with no shirt on And he was just blowing guys at Hudson County Park

He just somewhere the mental health came in. Yeah, he had mental health issues in his family He got the hiv from intravenous shooting and all that stuff over the years. They just found them If i'm 53 he's got to be 49 They say that You know, he looks good. He looks healthy if i have in that but he's working at a Whatever the fuck you call it Salvation army loading trucks. He lives there too. Yeah He's putting it together. You know what i'm saying? It's rough

We grew up together, but his family was known for having mental health issues Yeah, even the brother now when I talked to him sometimes it's funny in conversation He goes, you know, my memory is not that good I got hit in the head with a pipe a few years back and it fucked me up And when he says that every time I laugh because every time I see him, he always says the same fucking thing to me Providence motherfucking Rhode Island How do you feel 600 milligrams? I feel good, man. Your face is starting to change. No, I'm telling you right now Eyeballs are red. I was I think I can fucking dance. I'm telling you right now. Don't dance. Don't no dancing. I'm not a good dancer

No dancing, but I I'm done. I think the the challenge is there. So 400 milligrams. I walk out. I'm a legend 600 I'm what did you eat this other one? I ate the other one. Yeah, so six. I'm not 600. You're a legend I'm a legend. All right, let it be nothing. I'm a lot of fucking respect here from me, brother Good first off a lot of people come in here crying There's a lot of people I don't even say nothing to because I know they won't eat it I don't listen. I don't want everybody to eat it You know when you came in the first time you came in the reputations I just wanted you to yeah loosen up. You came in a little you were a little you know

And this should have loosened you up. Yeah. How are you feeling? Look at Lee? This might be my record 1600 yeah, we're gonna go for two more hundred. Oh no two more hundred two more hundred at this point At this point, you know, it's the only difference the hospital bed That you wake up tomorrow and there's tubes in your arms. You're like mr. Sayat. Do you know why you're here? you're like, uh Let me guess. I don't think I don't think my insurance covers marijuana OD Here smoke some of this. Oh cool, man. What are you talking about? Oh my god

Oh, yeah, we're going deep into murky on the way. It's getting crazy, baby I'm gonna take another star drink a little water I'm gonna set the record at 1800 mr. Gomez here next time he comes on We're doing 2000 Sure What do you think of that? I think it's fucking phenomenal. I'm proud of you guys. We don't fuck around here I know I built these tolerance up. I built my own tolerance up. I work hard

I don't want to be one bro. I see these fucking guys from california talking shit How much reefer they smoked? I don't smoke no reefer when I show up with my guns. They melt What are you having there? Oh my god? I had to leave here and drive eight miles and walk on the beach and meditate. What the fuck are you talking about? So I want motherfuckers to know when they come on here There's a long lasting effect You know, this ain't two motherfuckers just dicking around here. We're breaking it. We're going for 1800 tonight lisa. I had Swallow that champion Lee like this look

Fuck it. Leave it for the mouse. Yeah. What you got? What you got? What you got nothing? Look at this Like that like a doctor you shit Oh, okay Providence, Rhode Island go see my man Mr. Gomez two shows friday two shows saturday do me the fucking favor like you went to see so and download it If you're in the area, go see him. Have a good time. Bring him a fucking number If you're broad and you got a sore throat suckers dick. It usually goes away. You know what I'm saying? My girl my girl's a comics and she'll be there. It's christmas time cock suckers

24 what is it? What what look at this poor kid? Look at me at the money concede to look at him Hold it on to the computer. Hold it on to his nose. Like I threw him in the deep end Eat the star off the floor. I'm gonna split this Please Please I think we should go three ways what all right, we'll do it three ways do it three ways. I'm ready to go Eat the star Eat the star eat the star Right just like that. So we went

1800 plus tonight ladies and gentlemen, it's gonna be a deep night. I'm at 600 plus. You know what? I don't have to sleep tomorrow. I don't have to get up. So I'm getting anxiety all night I'll be breathing heavy all fucking night And that's it. And that's that motherfucker's prod and throw it out of me I got no motherfucking dates. I got nothing till the 21st of the chinese restaurant, Ventura Can I promote a couple of the little bits? Sure. All right, uh, january 14th Forget that. It's that's not even gonna work because it's too far away. Okay by that time. It's the holidays nevermind Drop them anyway. Drop them for that date january 14th

Fuck that day january 6th. I'm at the kaluka casino shot the window Close the window detroit hustler club louis gomez january 14th Myself dave smith special guest joe list legionist gang's presents. Get your tickets to Detroit hustle club.com Um, that's gonna be crazy dude. The strippers there are fucking smoking hot We're gonna have a really filthy dirty show and it's gonna be crazy. You're crazy. I like these strip club shows They're pretty dope. You're a bad motherfucker. I'm too old for those things. Thank you. No, I go in there. It looks like a creepy Oh, man, it's great. No, you fit right in they talk to me to ask me creepy questions. I don't do well in strip clubs I'm another strip club guy. Yeah

I mean, I don't here's why I went to one last christmas by myself. I ran in and ran out Can I tell you why i'm a strip club guy and i'm a good one? Okay, because I don't ever pay for lap dances I don't give a fuck about that shit. No, you don't so I'll go in nobody does They just drive corvettes because nobody pays for that. No, I just go in and give him a dollar and walk out I'm sure you do Nobody goes to the vip is tries to finger bang your pussy till it's fucking bleeding to death. No, I'll tell you I know how to hang out. I don't spend money No, no, you just stand back there like johnny cool

And they all talk to you because you know No, they don't talk to me. I'm just saying the reason it's not a big deal for me to go to strip club All right, if I go off No, no, you go to strip clubs. You're disgusting young man And every once in a while those bitches hypnotize you. Yeah, I got a lap dance at the distraught Detroit house club and it was fucking and it's not one you get three of them. No, I got one You got three of them. You don't have to lie nobody we're family Let them know that you're the captain kirk of the enterprise

I go to a strip club. You take 200 out of the atm. How much a dance 20 Let's do fucking 10 throw one in for 11 and if not, let's do three Give me a hand job and suck my and drink to come And fucking we're good for the other lab dances. Yeah, you can have it you can do the breakdown However, you want oh, you don't want to dance you can lick my nuts and shit and fucking We'll call it partners. I don't give a fuck. I just can't do it Yeah, the last time I went to a strip club and really enjoyed myself was blow street in canada Blow street in toronto

Blor in toronto canada. It was filthy I was biting it. Yeah. Yeah up in montreal. You're allowed to play with the titties. Yeah. No, it's filthy I like all that dirty shit But to sit there like a half a fag and look at your pussy I gotta pay $80 to fucking finger you forget about it. You know, I'm not into that. I'm too old I walk it. Listen last christmas. I went to the comedy store on a sunday dog I went to an amy at the embassy and I took out a deuce and I got off of van eyes I made a u-turn. I saw a strip club and I saw a girl. I walked and there was three girls sitting there

Lonely as fuck I couldn't believe it Last time I went to a strip club. There was 200 guys And there'd be 16 girls dancing and money would be getting through This place was sad But all these three girls were hot And I got to the car and the one girl's like joey joey I just watched you at the show. We listened to your podcast come in

I said, so what goes on here? She gave me a menu I said, give me a dance. I got another dance. Don't I just broke it down? I said, listen, what's the story? You're gonna let me snow that monkey. What are we doing? I was like, I can't do that. Okay, business is shut down I thought it was like the old days. I could smite your titties and shit like that This is all far. They dance four feet away. Like i'm fucking easy with div You know what i'm saying? Fuck you You're gonna give me the papers lee or i'm gonna sit here like a fucking stutz for four hours

I'm over here waiting taking hilltool on his own, but no You didn't ask me. I gotta ask you. You're the fucking producer of the show. Are you not the producer? Are you not the manager? Yeah, I have right here. All right, then get it together. Anyway Picture a world we're putting on a new pair of underwears and just fresh you're stepping into a better day You were walking to underwear and they're fucking tremendous And you could feel your whole day change you ever have that that's what happens when you put on me on these Or how the fuck do I know because that's what I wear

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The the underdog the unknown hero of me on these. Yeah, no, that's right. Those red ones I have They're all fucking purpose. I'm only wearing my north bergans shirt. I'm throwing fucking heat. You know what I'm saying? Are you doing louis gomez? I'm good man. I'm looking around the room. You're hearing dragons and shit I can see that looking you are you're starting to look like aida finandez Uh, I've been drinking the hip water here for a month. In fact, we're only down to one bottle I think they sent us dirty Whatever flavor. I mean this is great stuff You know, you should drink a glass of water a day, but who really does

Coffee soda energy drinks this that why don't you just drink some more water because it's bland? Hey, I'm the same boat. You want something that tastes good. Here's the solution Drink hint water instead. You know, you should drink eight glasses of water a day But who really does nobody why because it's boring. That's why you got to go to hit water Okay, it was started by Cara golden after her fourth child. She was overweight She had terrible acne. She felt awful. She was drinking 10 of those diet sodas a day like lee She started drinking water, but she wouldn't like it because it was boring But what options were there juices full of calories and no calorie drinks the garbage

That's why she started hint water hint is pure infused with the taste Of fresh fruit with hint drinking water isn't boring. They have flavors to suit any palate watermelon Peach mango grapefruit. Hey, it's christmas time. This is a great fucking gift. Okay No sugar. No chemicals just great tasting all natural Fruit flavored water both health and self magazines have named hint water the best flavored water Because they know how important drinking plenty of water is To your health. All right. Now do me a favor, please right now For the holidays get a single variety pack ship directly to your door

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Dot com slash church again Drink hint dot com slash church happy holidays to you bad motherfuckers And as always I want to thank honnet the major sponsor of the show whether it's a shroom tech sport Of the hemp force protein, they're always on point and always changing go to their website Go to honnet dot com right now and look at the selection of supplements They have I can't help you with the metal but as far as supplements I'll give you 10 off And you'll get the rock and roll and deliver to your door. Mr. Gomez always a pleasure to see you my brother mr

Sayat you bad motherfucking always a pleasure to see you. What are you doing this weekend? I'm going to a punk show. What is it this weekend? What am I doing this weekend? I mean this fucking story. Oh, we're gonna try to go to see uh that A bad ten or two again with Johnny rock and his girlfriend. We're gonna try to do that You couldn't avoid that fucking call like it's a call from fucking uh hitler, right? You see that number come up don't even ask you don't want to go to movies with nobody How old are we now? We got a rival. What are you gonna have with a propeller and shit? I don't know

Couple friends friends. I don't know not to double date like a half a fag and hold hands and giggle at each other stupid jokes Now you're a couple swab. Huh? He won't do that. He won't do that. Well, you don't come on. You wouldn't do that I don't I don't think it'd be me. You'd have to convince to be very honest. I think it'd be the Oh, yeah, I actually would Because then after I you always forget that your girlfriend has to do it too. So it's not gonna happen What the goddamn music on have a great weekend. I love you cocksucka stay black. We love you bitches You gotta go no way

My brother You Oh I Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh You Oh I'm gonna walk all over you