Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #451 - Steve Rannazzisi

Episode Date: January 31, 2017

Steve Rannazzisi, Comedian and actor ("The League")  joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. Steve's new podcast, "Hear Me This Book" will debut on February 7th, 2017. This podcast is brought to you by: Seeso: Seeso is the new ad free streaming service. Bingeable comedy. Anytime. Anywhere. Use code JOEY to get 1 month for free.   Helix Sleep: Go to helixsleep.com/JOEY to get $50 off of your order off your custom mattress.    MVMT Watches - Go to MVMTWatches.com/church to get 15% off of their high quality watches at revolutionary prices. MVMTWatches.com/church for 15% off, with free shipping and free returns.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 01/30/2017.
  

On my birthday, I became a regular at this fuck. Yeah, that's why any years. I'll be a regular and fucking three weeks, huh? How many times you get in front of her it just takes twice First time that she's saying anything like no You have ten minutes come back next week. I'm coming to the store and my references and they said it's a six-week back Look, mm-hmm six six seven sometimes four or five months. Okay. I accepted it Friday they called and said let's been two cancellations you in I Was in three minutes to come back and do ten

You're a regular fat baby fat baby. Oh, okay. I Pictures of lineups of that baby. It took like three years for her to start calling me fat, baby Ready, let's do it. Let's do it The church of what's happening now is presented by on it This show is brought to you by MVMT watches MVMT watches Makes minimalist products at revolutionary prices with over 500,000 watches sold check out get yours today Go to MVMT watches comm slash church to get 15% off with free shipping and free returns That's MVMT watches comm slash church

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Shit You Kick that muley kick that motherfucker. It's Monday, baby. It's January 30. It's got suckers We're taking this muffler to the hoop tonight in the murphy waters Oh Shit Steve Ren is easy fuck. Yeah, Joey the flying Jew and Uncle Joey Listen to fucking check this guitar. He's from that German is fucking killing that guitar

Oh Shit Just when you thought it was safe and you out of the woods the big bad wolf is back bitch What's happening you bad motherfuckers? I missed you. It was a great long weekend with the family I didn't see Lisa at this weekend. Oh, he had him in seclusion over there Canyon Sucked him in Friday. He was done. Oh, he was eating stars over there Getting stories about attorneys and shit. Oh, they were setting presidents at his house. It was all over. Oh, it was uh

I'm not I got nervous taking stars with uh with mccole medicine. Nothing happened this time. That's the whole way Listen, you popped a thing a little half a glass of Michael with some rocks. Oh my god Couple fucking rocks will taste the fucking gin in that motherfucker and you eat two stars the fucking flu goes away There's a thing my old father-in-law used to make As soon as you got sick as soon as you said I don't feel good He would put like brandy hot toddies, right? No, no something polished like brandy and honey and lemon juice and paprika and fucking Celery sticks and fucking it tasted terrible

But you did one shot first of all you lasted like 20 minutes after that you went down down Who the fuck you are? I don't care how much crystal meth you have and you're going down from this drink. I would just drool and shit And then uh I never had it again. I don't know what the fuck it's called and then he used to call it something polish And it just knocked the shit right out of you knocked this shit right out of you fuck Yeah, mr. Reen and it was it had everything was in there was like four ounces I had that neuro virus over Christmas. It was terrible. Where'd you get it from?

I got it from I think one of the I had to show up in syracuse at that funny bone You know you'd meet and greet after I think one of the savages up there gave it to me You know handshake by the time I got home. It's fine two days later. I'm out to dinner with Ari I go home. I start to throw up. I text him. I go. Is this you feel bad? He goes no So I'm like fuck. I got it just out the ass the mouth the whole thing Then everyone else down the line gets it. It was terrible people have no idea How sick you get from traveling every week if you let it get you and If you get sick one week and you have like two weeks after that

By the time you get back you got full-on bronchitis. Yeah, soft pneumonia I always tell you people that I learned from other comics You know, I learned I saw him get sick all the time Ralphie May in the beginning He would get sick all the time. Guess what he was doing smoking a pipe with people Yeah, and every week you go into these different areas And he was getting this jungle right out of his lungs. He ended up in the hospital Fuck I love smoking weed But I tell you what if I got like a busy week like if I'm shooting something

I don't smoke weed with people on the road. I can't take the fucking chance because they don't give a fuck Yeah, they don't give a fuck about your life. They give a fuck about going to the show and meeting you I don't blame them But you have to consider if you had bronchitis for three fucking weeks. Yeah, and you come to the show Don't smoke a joint with me dog. Don't smoke a joint with eight people. Don't pass a pipe around I need no better than that. I know they just don't want to lose the experience after the three hits Then they call from the bronchitis and then they look at you and they go I had bronchitis with three weeks and you're like, great. Thank you. You fuck

Now I'm not going to smoke with nobody because of you because all I need is one bad apple To spoil a whole bunch especially joints. Yeah joints. You can kind of I I don't mind doing in front of people when you kind of burn the Ends and shit, but no Would you trust me? I eat fucking chicks. I don't know. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I don't trust nobody I smoke a pipe but someone there was a girl I smoked a couple weeks ago I'm like, how many dicks is this chick suck the last month? I'm a dick sucker by proxy just from smoking from this fucking thing What's up, Lisa? Yeah. Oh my god. I feel like I'm already going through change. I don't know what those fucking

Chocolates do Oh, man, I saw him sweat He took off his jacket. Oh my god. I don't know you got because you know why Because you this is why you fuck around every weekend I tell you to go deep on friday or saturday You're in training and you fuck around Steve. I did 1150 milliliters. 11 is nothing. This is 1500. I'm we're doing tonight Right and this is like watching Michael Phelps and and his trainer Somebody lapsed we're doing this we're doing this all the fucking time

But you on the weekend you fuck around Yeah, you're not doing your shit. Hey, you have to take another star. No, that's another star. All right The penalty of star a star penalty. It's a star penalty for fucking around this weekend instead of training I ate everything. I even ate the 50 milligram stars. I had this weekend. I had like 10 blue ones in the draw that were older than Fuck Gummy you had a fucking How do they kill you just threw it at me and I caught it landed right on. Oh my god Stuck to him dog. He's like fucking

What's that guy when we were kids the receiver from oakland less than a molester He used to spray himself down With that spray before the NFL Oh the shit sticks. Oh the oh the stick them stuff. Oh my god. Lee this guy Put a video on less than a molester. Yeah Didn't the ball would like Stick right to him. I think it stuck to his helmet one time. That was it. That was like dog. You gotta stop it What should I search less to the molester? No less the haze was like that pine tar stuff the stuff that george brett went nuts about

All over his shirt a couple years ago. He can't even hasn't even done work the computer when the back when the best dance sport show was on Rich williams great kid. Remember rich one. Yeah, right and yep kid from syracuse as a matter of fact George brett came on the show and they wrote a sketch Of me and george brett were really happy and it was me and the dugout eating a sundae With hot fudge and it went all over the back. That was the pine tar. Okay, that was me. He was a good dude too So funny, you know, I started on that show with those guys. They contacted me the pay was garbage But it was enjoyable like i've got to meet sugary leather. They dressed me up like reberto duran

And then like go down there and insult them and sugary leather. He's been punched in the head 18 times He couldn't fucking tell at first. You can see he was looking at me going. Is this really reberto? What the fuck? Lee what's going on over there? It's right here. Here we go. Watch how he played like Stick them. Yeah, this was it. This was this is crazy shit people for people to know it was like a A thing that you sprayed on you This is a fucking movie. Sorry. Sorry. This is what i'm talking about people. This is what i'm talking about Lester haze, please

No, that's the fucking haze, please this falco. You see haze there There's gotta be a lester fucking haze here. I'm telling you i'm lester. Hey right there most intimidating raiders, right? I'll put on tyrant is watch this lisa. Yeah, you don't fucking learn something see them time This is my life Yeah, but they're not gonna show like the stick them catches in the most intimidating raiders part Well, what do you think on the show they're gonna show look at the look at this guy Look at the just looking at him. You'd be scared lee. What happened to the video. What happened to the screen the tv's stolen That's a nice stolen tv though, so you gotta say

You're gonna steal one look at them. Look at how we get yeah, look at this shit on his ankles lee Lee, you know what that is. Look at how he was intercepted. He was a great athlete He just he was a great athlete no matter what everyone's hand. Look at his hands The stick them's all over the people's hands, but look at him. He was a great athlete The stick them helped them Just a little bit like if a ball got hit and it threw up in the air And they would land on his shoulder. That's how the stick them was shouldn't have been they say those gloves now that they wear now I'll tell beckham. They're basically made of stick them. Yeah, the black ones. I mean these other ones

But you put on yeah, they're so shiny and shit when I used to work at the puddle car wash and boulder those guys Somebody at that university was just robbing those gloves by the boxes I must have had 20 of those pairs of boxes at the gloves at the house not boxes. I'm sorry 20 of those gloves and they were like those black gloves. Yeah that the receivers were everybody at the car wash wore them And the fucking people from the university would come there and go. Why does everybody did we pay for these? University of denver all over the fucking no boulder boulder Yeah, so boulder had them and they had them like in home colors. I think like black and gold

I don't know like if they saw you like the gold ones people would say don't let them see you with the gold But in those days, that's how those students. That's how those football players made a living Yeah, they stole shit and sold them memorabilia statues. Why are you using them for the car wash though? What do you mean? Well, you gotta keep your hand you gotta keep your hands dry dry So you would wipe the cars down and and then just to be cool if you were standing like me I was a fucking salesman at the car wash. I was a fucking I had dried windows for about a week and that was that was a horrible job Yeah, horrible. Yeah, I got that job like november

20th And I kept that job till like fucking january 10th and then right before the super bowl I got indoors at a detail body shop, but I was at the puddle out there. I started cold too And I had a license and they wouldn't let me drive Like there was a kid they paid just to drive to pull the cars out put them into spots Right and he was mr. Cool. He had the hat like everybody knew who he was He had to crack them off pieces of your tips. Uh, fuck that I would steal tips anybody who gave me money I belong to me bitch if I saw you out there with two bucks in the ticket

I'd work my angle. So I was right there. Oh, thank you. Sometimes I put a dollar in sometimes I keep a dollar, you know You know, there was always an angle there that that was a sad thing that was always everybody was fucking stealing that fish through That place must have made millions of dollars because when I was a kid and I worked at I found out shit that everybody was robbing that play. It's amazing There car washes are are a really great business to just make money. Oh, it's a cash business It's a cash cow. My friends had one in Hoboken and when I was growing up It's a cash cow. You know, if you get it the salesman is the whole thing really That guy at the window when you see the ones around here those guys, why would you hire these mexican dudes that they can't

Which one do you want? Yeah, yeah, they give you me the regular. Give me the deal I'm sure you don't want the 1695 dog. I would work you to pee for pieces four extra bucks You get the whole tire. Listen, dog. I'm gonna give you the car wash and the basic car washes is shit It's 695. I'm gonna charge you 695 for the basic car wash, but I'm also gonna do this I'm gonna throw the waxing. I'm gonna throw the air rust Inhibitor, which was nothing Rust inhibitor is like fucking this. Whatever the spray that they spray out is under the car to shield it against salt and rock Yeah, I'm gonna spray stuff on your rim. I'm gonna arm roll it in and out nice

I'm gonna try, you know, I would work them. Let me throw in this Let me throw in that because you figured out what costs nothing What costs nothing, you know, I went to the boss one night. Let me ask you What can I throw in here and make people know? No, I didn't even ask them because they're too stupid Yeah, they're still going. They're still working in the 70s. I had them showing Joey Diaz style You know I'm saying Joey Diaz style is taking it from a different perspective, you know, when you sell cars and when you sell Cars in Denver, Colorado You go for gross. What is gross the amount over the invoice?

You know, if the sticker says 20,000 and we own the car for 17 five I make a living off Me making you believe that that cars were $20,000 If I sell you that car correctly, you're gonna get for a little discount just to let your friends know But if I sell that car correctly to you and and if I show you the lighters and I take an hour with the bell Look at this blinker This is where 2000 right here. You know what I'm saying? Like if you sell the car with value you could

Uh Make gross in new york. It's such a whore town When I worked I didn't work for the potamkins the potamkins or the thieves in new york city But there was he said a little yeah the potamkins, you know, that whenever you open up the daily news Potamkin always got a Cadillac on special $199 down $199 a month. Wait till you get there You leave there with 300 a month and a fucking beat in the black eye You would have for 18 hours your mother bought a car to use your son's social

They don't give a fuck over that potamkin at least that was how it was 20 years ago That's where you went to work. Yeah when you wanted to make money and not have a soul There was a lot of those places Douglas Toyota when I worked at Douglas Toyota Listen 87 88 90 91 never salesman making 12 grand a month. These guys were making eight bucks an hour People like 12 grand a month. So I make that selling shoot yet. Listen. These guys would need to be robbing people Or making eight bucks an hour. Yeah, they're making 12 000 a month now. Those guys have no conscience They yes, you did that then they give you to a closer That's the place to sell

Douglas if no what I know now I bet anybody was 21 call me Go to Douglas if it's still a line of closer You just get them wet and you got no responsibility. How you doing steve? What's happening boomer? What are you looking again? I'm gonna tell you what to sell I really enjoy listening. Let's do let me ask you a question. Are we gonna buy a car today? You shop? Well Before I put you in the car Are you considering because I'm gonna work hard for you. I'm gonna fight this fucking this guy here. This is trump's nephew

You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna go in and hit him with a stick. No protest. No tunnel bar You take him for the ride. You bring him back by In new york, you don't make money from that. You make money from accessories and financing Oh the up packages and stuff the rims the fucking the things that come out on the sides Yes, alarms the things on the side and the tv's in the back. They give you a taste of financing in new york Yeah, which a lot of people they want the whole package So they want you to sell financing from the jump. How are you gonna pay for this decent credit union?

What's the rate of your credit union? I'm sure we work with a hundred banks. If you're credit solid I know a hundred people you work with a hundred bags a hundred banks I put one fucking button in now And it's like utopia. It's like if you want a hooker and you press a button now I'm 22 fucking hookers to pop up on your computer. Same thing. I got a hundred fucking banks And you tell them to give you your rate. You're gonna lie and i'm gonna lie You're gonna say you it's nine, but you're gonna say about 8.5 I'll beat it

What if I got you eight today right now with the low down payment let you keep a thousand Use it for your son's fucking football team. Give it to the nun other show you a little nunly pussy whatever the fucking is My god The nunly pussy that's a new one. It's yeah, it's a nun nuns pussy So you made money off a Percentage on that shit. So how to dance. So how do you make money if you're the the before the closer? Like if do you have to they have to sell the car or are you just getting paid just for doing that? Okay, the closer for the closer to come in you have to get a commitment. Okay. What's the commitment? I'm gonna buy this car. I just

Yeah, so you want to do 300 a month? I really didn't say I want to do 70s what I really want to do 2000 all I got to do is this I got to get you the down payment you want The price on your trade That you want. Oh, it's all I gotta do. You get me that and then we'll work this car And then he'll I have you sign all four boxes. I got a credit card from you and I bring it to a closer I wish this fucking animal luck and I sent them to a guy who's been beating women for the last 30 years of his life To divorce. Yes. Eight divorces. He doesn't that's eighth in his softball team. Yeah

Six rehabs robbed one of them at gunpoint This guy comes in and just torments you to death before I mean and then he brings you to you need the gas and go package I got a gas and go package and then he brings it a check that does the whole Introduction to the car. So you already sold another car. You're a king by the time that guy goes to f and i and then to the uh They call in those days to have girls hot girls that would show you everything about your car explain the lease or the The payment plan who you paid it to yeah, they don't have that anymore. Yes, they do

Well, not at the Volkswagen in in panorama city. They don't because it's very When you have that last customer service rep They make sure that you listen to how slick these dealers are They make sure that when you get your customer rating You bring it back to them and let them fill it out And I not only buy you a tank of gas But I also throw those rims you like that Because that's the most important thing the customer service index is the most important thing and the most important thing the white people

Because the white people go on there and they see your customer service index is down. They don't do business with you Wait, this is white people Before no, this is before yeah, it was almost like what was that service this business consumer business This is before you up No, no, no, no, and they still got it now when you buy a car a dealer will send you a fucking thing Because that score Let you know how whether you'll get certain cars If you treat your customer shitty, they ain't gonna send you all the cars you are

They're gonna give you a shitty fucking a lot with the cars They're gonna send you red cars and orange cars convertibles the lime green one. No one nobody fucking wants so Uh, that's that you have to have a high customer rating now, man. You really do. It's got to be like extraordinary When I do business with this Subaru They go above and beyond. That's why I've gotten four cars from them I'm on my fourth or fifth or sixth car from the valley right there. Yeah van eyes. I bruce. He comes to my shows. He calls, you know That's why I just call him and go i'm coming up When thursday at three have a car ready for me

Let's do it. Boom. I walk in no down payment because I just go from lease to lease to lease. Yeah I'm an american dog when I started When I saw cars I learned more about life than anything ever You know when you there's certain companies you work with that you tell them i'm gonna pay this down payment one time But i'm gonna get one of these every three years yeah I'm just coming in. I'm gonna call you at one. I'm gonna pick the car up before it's watched as fully guess

I sign four papers. That's what i've seen three years after a while. They'll know you just tell them That's how I want to do business Listen, whatever and now you're a value customer. You're always gonna go lease from them every fucking three years You're gonna go to the service department. You know, you're gonna work it. They work with you, bro I've always bought cars. I've never leased a car. No, no, no no more that ends That ends now. Can you write off a lease a little bit on your taxes? I'm ton of shit because i'm i'm making you pay for what you try. Why are you paying for the whole thing? Look what's going on with society today

Look what's going on with my man here ever since i've known my man He's broken down for me and then between him and my other brother They'll fucking sit you down and talk you 22 ways. Why are you up to cut cable today? Yeah, and what the scam is and what the source they do they cut it all the way down They got chinese lease got chinese cable that's got stolen from the israelis And they get shipped to new jersey, okay? And then he gets like hbo go for three dollars a month He gets the espn package with his little fucking things no hbo. He doesn't need to ask him

That's the today's america. I know watching tv for 25 dollars a month and there's americans still paying 100 That's me though. I'm the america. My dad's on my passport I sometimes I go who's watching the sneaky pits without me. How good is it my dad? I'm just one in but my dad's like I could I go you got to go back to the one that I was on It's one account. You can't just keep moving. He's five ahead My entire family's on my all my accounts too. Yeah, my mom watches like gilmore girls I'm like who's watching gilmore this kid eliminated the cost of this television. Yeah, okay, so the same I'm paying 180 bucks a month

I'm a nerd. I love tv I when I first got a tv in my room because I wasn't allowed to and through my entire life I didn't sleep I had espn the sports center the bars on the left I had it burned into my tv because it was I would just have it on all night And I haven't had cable for about two and a half years So still you haven't I haven't had I haven't had cable. I've had netflix. I have uh, Cody a little bit but not really even that much. I have uh, amazon cso for some specials and uh,

And then a lot of the other stuff you can just buy on on demand now Well, you you lease what depreciates and you own what appreciates So whatever loses money, why would you buy? I buy 20 000 for a car. I go down the corner. It's worth 18 Already now. I just got 20 g's in this fucking car Okay, then you have the option of financing if you have great credit You go down and put a percentage down and get like a cheap union rate or something six points And you can save money that way to build your credit or whatever But after a while and I learned this selling cars you want the most car for the least amount of money

When I used to pencil people, which means when I go to my manager for steve run is easy. Yeah Yeah If steve told me that if he kept saying 250 to like the best deal ever Like as an american to fucking my brother like if my mother came to me in 1989 90 in that time and said to me papa What kind of car would you look me up with nissan at one time? Had a deal on the medium car What's that rocket ship in the middle?

Altima altima no bigger than that one the one maxima. Yeah What that maxima nissan maxima nissan altima maxima when I was fucking selling cars They had a deal that you can only unless you're fucking stupid You wouldn't go down there First of all when you buy a car You own the car for five years not the five years then you own the fucking car So for five years the bank owns that fucking note By the time you own that car you don't even want that fucking car no more. It smells like gas hole

Your ex-girlfriend used to blow you in the car. She's not one another guy, you know, it's ridiculous But now we have so much invested that we want the most out of this car and our mind this car is worth all this money And then we go try to sell it and ain't worth that now. We're stuck with that fucking car Listen as an american you want to trade your car in every three years Every three years 15,000 a year Bam, I don't do no more driving the 15,000 a year no more. Do you now not since when that our driving days are over Well, San Diego was the only place we drive. I don't go to san francisco. No more. You fly to san francisco. Yeah So if you keep your mileage, you know

Why buy when you can rent that's all ugly sis So now instead of you paying 450 a month. I'm gonna give you the same car for 300 a month But 36 motherfucking month, you know the 4 000 you really had to put down to get that number Put 2,500 back in your pocket. It's just gonna be $1,500 that Really and in three years you come in here and fucking get another three talk to your counter It may not work for you, but a blinkin the great a blinkin said lease What appreciates

And no own what appreciates and lease what depreciates. Fuck you a blinkin. I think you're doing what he had So here's my that's why I come to the church I've been leasing this is my second lease and both times I've paid for the extra miles Please thank you. I've paid for the extra miles and and you never get it. Well, I got close Mostly, but now I live so close to where I am most of the time. I think I did under 10,000 last year So like but then someone was telling me you fucked up because this fucking guy gets a call from them. This is how they get you They get these fucking dudes they call him after the lease is two years old And they say come down. We got too much inventory. Give us your car. Well, I still got here and you go down

That's how they fuck with the numbers I don't fuck with the numbers. Yeah, I wait the three years you dropped the car off now. I got it so good. I dropped the car off Okay They cut me a check for the miles And when I get a check a bill from subaru I've sent them that check You know how many bills I've got from subaru Really

It pays to be loyal with one company. That's it I don't care if it's bmw. You lose the bmw the shitty one the three Just because you want to be cool. It's dirt cheap That's why you see thousands of fucking bmw because people go down and go and I want to buy a bmw And also they go, you know what the number is on that? It's this every month. It's it's a small nickel. You know what I'm saying? Plus you're 21. All right You're 21. What do you think insurance gonna bang you? That's another gbo a month. You're paying fucking 16 Just to drive the car. Why are you killing yourself? I know I do me a favor

My dad always bought the cars and then he would give them down to the kids and stuff That's what was my cool. Whoa school people don't want these fucking cars. No Every three years you got a new fucking rocket ship my kid. Yeah, and when your kids ready for a thing you put them on a scooter You know, you put them on one of those italian schools with a fucking hell of a little Vespa Yeah, a little Vespa Beeping at people cutting people off hammer hanging out How is it being a dad and balancing your career? It's I mean, it's tough Um, what's the longest you've been away from a month? Oh jesus christ. Yeah, where'd you go?

I did a movie in shreveport for it was like three and a half weeks It's yeah, three weeks. Yeah, 20 days 20 days. This is the worst. It was tough at this point in my life I think it's four days and I Yeah, I think it's four days and I would lose it without it just I think if I came to it right now, I was like, hey, I got something a movie that shoots in london for 10 They need me for 10 days. I think 10 days would be okay two weeks would get like an eye roll Like I remember going on the road for six weeks in a row I leave thursday

And I come back something. Yeah, like there's a nick game. I want to go see Yeah, and take one of my boys in the city you grew up together, you know, take them go from kalamata You should smoke a few joint give them a few stars and take them to the fucking nick. Oh, that's perfect to the garden, you know But that means I got to be away from them for a whole week Yep, I can still train jiu-jitsu Tuesday and Wednesday. I go to nyak How is that club the levity lives? Yeah, nice. It's in the mall. It's the mall That's the whole everything cool. How close to the thing down the down the it's a highway in between So it's like two eggs off the highway. You know that it's right by the tap and z bridge. That's the one thing

I don't know if you're gonna drive there from taking jfk But drive up you see that you drive over the new tap and z bridge almost it's right next to it The tap and z bridge was one of the worst bridges. Well, they just rebuilt in the fucking country. They were scared for years Yeah People living in fear going over that fucking thing. No one ever told me this. I went over the tap I saw the document three or few years ago. They said they built a new one right next to it So they're almost they're done with it. So the negative blow up to tap and z. Well, that was a kid. I don't know We used to get on 9w

Uh-huh and stop by Henry Hudson Parkway. Is it that no 9w on the jersey side? So you go up You go to fort lee you go more than fort lee kind of sort of correct me people You know, it's been fucking 20 something fucking years And you go up and you pass some car dealerships. You pass the old bicycle club. You pass like angle wood Mazda and whatever and you just keep going straight and also you get on the road 9w when you go up 9w And 9w you went for jesus christ. You're worse than fucking arish or fear mike. That's uh You went up there and on saturday nights. There was a place called the cuckoo's nest. We were Seniors in high school. Uh-huh and we would get fucked up do powder and go let's go for a ride

And four Puerto Ricans would get in the car and we all shoot up to the cuckoo's nest and shit And I'll never forget the hindu This The dog guy was a hindu with a wig like you couldn't write this you understand me not just the top piece What kind of wig like the wig like the whole thing like this side burns But it was a it was a 10g 15g wig in 1982. This thing was Persian, you know, I'm saying This was beautiful and he had a goatee. Mm-hmm. And he was very nice, you know, and uh I had some we they are monday night football

They give you you know, this is 1982 people 81. They give you Uh Six beers for a dollar a bucket in a bucket fill with ice you go up there on monday nights wings You go for that half time, right? Oh wings all night and those days at monday monday night football was nothing pisses me off more As this is how bad this country is We lost monday night football I know joey. You've talked about it before. No, you don't monday night football was so strong I know motherfuckers who got eight balls on monday nights my dad one

Hooker not hookers, but strippers are coming half time. I'm guys. I'm telling you money people losing strippers I know motherfuckers that wouldn't go out on friday. I know motherfuckers that would get the schedule For monday night football to plan their weekends. They take their wives out on friday night I'm gonna give up. I don't mind going out friday night. We're going out friday But you know what can you just watch monday night? I gotta get a little early. I gotta bring some food people got fired because of monday night football The totals were insane. First of all, you stayed up to watch it You know, if you're a kid in new england, you're 13 They're in the uh, it's the last game against the jets and they go to the playoffs

Lisa. Yeah, they're staying up to one in the morning watching overtime. Absolutely the game starts at nine Yeah, the game starts at nine in new york, you know, that's when people in the six o'clock. We're so lucky it starts at six of you I know by now we go out and do our thing Back there, you got to wait till nine by seven thirty What about with baseball and oh Not to change the subject but with baseball when the east coast team played a west coast team and it started 10 30 to 11 o'clock Sometimes create a rain delay. Oh, yeah Yeah, no when I was a kid all those like when the next played the seattle in seattle

Supersonics. Yeah, same thing. Yep. You like it would come on like a tender. Yeah, we're turning into wr right now Yep But monday lost my i remember people eating quit lee. We were bar hot Just that we would go up there mondays, but my all-time favorite was the place an angle would clip Angle with not an angle with clips Something lee it was a chain and on monday nights. They put meatballs out Dude halftime Lee

If you got an all you had to do is get like a picture of beer and they gave you like a knife or fork And a plate and you just tore up wings for four quarters endless Blue this was way before ranch was invented. Nobody used ranch in those days. It was straight up blue cheese They had like a little salad which nobody thought nobody touched that salad you would go there eat those wings With a with a grandma coke burning the hole in your pocket. This is your last meal for the next day Half and shit fucking gold jackets. Oh my god. There'd be piles of wings I just love that just to remind everyone in case you have any new listeners This is in high school. This isn't like joey's just turning 21 and in college. This is joey in like sophomore year

Well, here it is. No, no, this is this started maybe my juniors I built these motherfuckers up. I can't remember the name not bottom of the barrel That was a mob bar. This was something else It was a chain and it was the middle of this thing and people going in we can get wings and beef steak charlie's No, no, I was in new york city. Yeah, I had That's the whole thing beef steak charlie was behind those days You'd stab the beef someone called my mama content beef steak charlie's and my dad hit him Beef steak charlie

Oh, there was fucking fist fights in there the steak was always a lot like it made some type of noise The big potato was older than fuck That aluminum foil was from like 1910 Pittsburgh wasn't even fucking on the map yet Oh my god, that place stunk. But you know what dog for 20 bucks. You ain't like You could bring your whole family. Oh my god. You were like a savage You get the buckets. I never saw fist fights

But I did hear about fist in the parking lot when they gave crab legs out White people would go bananas in those days of discount steak house. Yeah, it was like a beef steak charlie Oh my god People say like stuff is bad now, but at least marketing's gotten better beef steak charlie's was the bomb 10 cent wings when we were in high school football We'd go there. Oh my god. Yeah, but I was just reading something today I wasn't reading for 2017. It was one of those slide shows and they said they have Like free food and a bunch of bars in in new york Like you can just go in and with like every drink you'll get a like a slice of pizza

Really or on like fridays one place has like a wing buffet and I never see that anywhere Like do you remember that? I know you've talked about like the sandwiches that joe and mary's but Like for free when I was when I was growing up On that side of jersey, I could look into the face and tell you any place you went into Had something on the bar food wise in the 70s. You always had something on the bar. I used to go to this one place In union city my friend's uncle worked there And I never forget going down in like on a tuesday night watching college basketball six people at the bar And you come over to you hungry

Hey, he's something. Yeah And he came back with mortadella and adam cheese on cuban crafters. What with some services Are you fucking kidding me? Who shows up with mortadella adam cheese on cuban crafters? This guy was irish He was as irish as they came. Yeah, you know those tight. There was places where They always had some yeah, like food thing in the back that chance place. I talk about They're legendary because they were professionals Yeah, if you went to the bar during the week and that bartender was there and he took a blast from you And he let you karate chop and all that shit. Well, that was the that was the mic

That was the other place the bartender you gave him ten dollars to let you karate chop him from time to time Come on over here He didn't even give you his neck He even gave me his neck My friend roger used to karate chop, but back to monday football I built a relationship with this restaurant I would walk in there every monday night with four or five six deep And we'd eat 200 wings, but leave a 20 we leave a 20 on the tip

We never got into no first fights or nothing. So for maybe a year and a half. I had a relationship up there. They trusted me Go back to 1985 I would mug you for a dollar I would walk in there and they would still go. Hey, hey, hey I would eat wings have a couple margaritas. Maybe a salad Maybe a bloody marry and I take the check and leave a 10 on the table and run out of there with the check Really? I did that every fucking week and I'll have my brother calling me george george goes. No, he was great

I would actually go up to the manager with the tab Wrinkled up in my hand and talked to him like no shit. Yeah service was sensational I guess about four computers you could do. Yeah. Yeah. This is all before computers This is way and you know, I was so good at I thought that was my high point of disgusting fevery I was doing high point or low point High point high point. That's when I was at the most disgusting of my fevery career Yeah, I couldn't rob big places So I would walk into buildings with a suit on and rob like a bank box from a fucking under a desk like an office building

The secretary would get up to go pee. I'd go right in there Going to the draw and there'd be the cash box. You never know. Sometimes it's eight dollars. Sometimes it's 800 Gotta take a chance better than sitting on the couch looking for quarters coming down the elevator with a cash box Go cash. You don't know how many jackpots I had That I would walk off the elevator walk out of the building the security guard be right there like oh jesus christ But I'd have a suit on. Yeah, you look professional. I'd have a suit. I'll have a fucking briefcase I'm I used to have a briefcase. There's like this leather Doctor's pouch and I used to go to say for eight the mornings before league

And the overstock They would hide it under the shelves and on top of the product So so the big product in those days was yeast infection paste if you took Paste you know the shape you put on your yeast infection If you took it into upper Manhattan Harlem the beginning they'd give you a top dollar for those tubes So every morning I would fucking go over there on the way over the city. This is this is my creepiness This is this is even I was doing comedy and doing this for you kid 1990 fucking three I was pulling the scam with a suit on every morning just to get into the city

I would leave my house with zero That's a true business man, you're going out listen dog I was I was on a discipline I would leave the house with zero dollars and had to get into new york city to midtown And have breakfast and get some way And some way score a joint something You know what and in my mind I knew if I get into the city And get downtown I could score breakfast put it on the arm at niggie the greeks

You know saying like new people along the way you had eaten there. So Yeah, but how are you gonna? Okay, how are you gonna get all those? I would put a suit I get up in the morning hop the turn show put the fucking thing and no no no I'm a professional. I would war right this safe way Look around the shelves. There'd be no security. It's seven the fucking morning. They don't come until about eight nine o'clock Because nobody's robbing them at seven in the morning. Who do you think you're dealing with you got to be first? Like I would say said the book I'm walking up and down the flight in the first flight and I take two fucking yeast infection boxes

The whatever and there was something else they wanted Like they didn't want telling all they buy from me or any of those aspirants they buy from me But they wouldn't give you a top dollar There was two things that were top dollar yeast Yeah, so I would take whatever I'd always go for the yeast infection juice And in those days in the suit least I had 32 whatever I was I would walk over to the uh, george washington bridge Walk over it walk over. I did that 3 000 times walk over it. That's a big. That's a long bridge. That's a long bridge

It's not really a mile and a half. Really? I would take me fucking 20 fucking minutes. Got your business suit? Business suit, briefcase. I had the whole scam. I go to the bodega Well, why not just take the bus they give me because why waste? You gotta change the dollar 50. I had zero dollars He's already the only way I could get on that bus is if I got on didn't pay Those buses that you pay on the way out and run out the back door one of my three. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? One of my three I'm in a business suit. I'm in a business suit. I can act like I walk no one ever thought you were going to jump off the side I've always I don't like that shit. No, no, I'd why did it all the time?

And I'd walk under and I'd walk like two blocks into like 180th And there was a bodega there you walked in you put your product down The guy would say 35 25 now. I got too much of this. Uh, give me $10. Okay Boom, whatever 60 bucks. That's all I need to get the party started 60 bucks I'd walk two blocks south over the bro. There's a Cuban joint fucking taking them on and good enough for Cuban food I'd bang out a Cuban sandwich and potato or mame. You know what I'm saying? Then I take like a free block walk past the Presbyterian the upper Manhattan one. Yeah, whatever that is And then hop on the fucking a train the express downtown back

Boom, there I am another fucking little hike But before that hike I take a little detour because there's a guy that sells nickel bags Really like $15 bag. What the fuck you saving me a joint all the way up town My favorite is that he had two breakfasts before in 8 a.m. He had his breakfast in the city. You got to get ready No, no, I didn't have nothing. I left the house with hunger. Oh with hunger. I thought you had breakfast in the morning No, no, there was no break. No, I would have I said you could go to downtown and do that there I would always stop and get Cuban food a little early. Oh, that's the Cuban steak sandwich

You know my favorite in those days is a cheese omelet with crinkle-cart fries and white toast with butter on that motherfucker With a coke with ice cubes in that motherfucker forget the water. I don't want no water If I want water, I'll tell you get that fucking Get that contamination away from me. I never drank water back there. Really? Fuck no What was it? Was it like a thing when people were like where they're afraid of the water? You're just like no I drink water. I'm surrounded by the best In 1993 Schnappel used to make this drink Please talk with me if you remember schnappel had this schnappel schnappel had this drink

If all the other drinks are 16 ounces the big ones No schnappel had an eight ounce special vitamin clear drink that tasted really sweet and delicious special vitamin I love him man. He's something saying who you think you're dealing with Joey bananas This is 1993 and they discontinued them, but you wake up all coked up. That's what you went for I get one of those and I'd be ready to go. I'm gonna schnappel. You know what I'm saying? That's amazing. I've never heard him make this thing smaller Fat the smaller ones. I know this is one of the fat lady first head. Oh, yeah Did the thing have a little fact at the top still think a little bottle all fruit natural drink and a jizer

This was way before they had gingseng in it or something people lost their mind In those days people were still on gingseng nobody was there I'm with the chinese you fuck I Gingseng schnappel Is that because you were hanging out at like uh Hash ways and you just like solid deliveries like how do you know all these weird drinks? And there was only two places that had that schnappel one of them was

hash ways And the other one was a little fucking lottery place In clear side park, maybe Fairview On that fucking street there. Oh my god And you would go in there get like a lottery ticket and they had them there was a little eight ounce ones And how I knew was because when I used to hook up with my boy, we go into the city Connect I thought we was gonna let's go over and pick up two schnappels to get the night started on the right foot. You know what I'm saying?

You get that little juice inside of you and I think it really harm you Would you throw up brother? Who's that me? I'm gonna uh The producer extraordinaire And it's a fucking consultant to the stars Some old regular and shit. I grew up on Long Island. Did you really? Yeah, we're close to those clubs Smith town Smith town Now what is that Suffolk County? We're about in like 20 minutes into Suffolk County. That's where I was born. Yeah So it was you know, it was very

It's suburban But we you know You know when I was a kid my mom we did special k Did you hear that stuff special? It was a carrot that whatever it was this this is high school 90 to 95 Special k the 95 to 99 was high school It was college for me So like the 90s were the drugs that we did Special k I didn't really fuck with that stuff

But it was because I heard it was horse tranquilizer But our weed was decent No one really did coke but now when you go back they called sniff town coke heroin all day long Because pills took over Hey, did anybody watch that fucking ESPN about the kid from Boston? No, no, what's the name? Oh, no, no the white the white kid. Oh, oh Yeah, did you see that I watched it man me man with that boy could fucking shoot. Yeah, and and school

Bro, that boy. What was his name chris heather something like that He uh comes around to schools. He talks about heroin and all that stuff now When he got to the Celtics and he would go to his boys outside and get fucking heroin pills That's who I went on the podcast Lisa Yeah, that's a good one because that guy tells the truth. He told the story about doing meth for five days And all seen the cops were behind them and he goes. Oh my god. Thank god because he thought people were chasing them He goes I went to the cops like fucking. Oh, thank god. You hear these five guys are chasing me It was the most

Like I felt it like I couldn't take my eyes off and I was supposed to be watching something else And I was like cancel that this is what I'm watching remember He was talking about going outside during like half time of that Celtics games In his uniform like how is that true you hurdle you were growing up from all this was going on I don't remember from then. I saw this. This is an older 30 for 30. I've seen this guy a year or two ago It was really good. It's uh It's crazy. Well, especially I don't know. I just you don't think it's gonna be

A nice looking white guy. You just don't some most of the time when you think about That like that affecting someone and it just destroyed his life getting clean and going back home and Like losing it again like listen as soon as I saw it and he had it under control. Mm-hmm. I knew This didn't end like this. I was I was there. I was there. I went to prison You understand me. I had it under control too. Yep till three days Who's like it it took like a day to get on the control like seriously You know how ashamed I am of that like I just came out of the penal fucking code I learned my lesson, but you know what I'm going for a fucking taste

You think about that that's fucking creep, but I you know it. It's it's your pattern, bro And when they sent him home, he was done done once you go home You're done. You're back to those fucking ills. I mean he was in like Fresno Yeah, it's up to take out lures in his mind and fresno You know going fucking deep. He he he he was homeless. I mean Yeah, it was a good one for real. No, that shit's real man

Kids at home. He was gonna call him and finally said no when he went he went to a rehab. Yeah Pills and heroin were tough in the 90s, man But heroin's been tough For the last fucking 80 years, man It's destroyed lives, man. Yeah, it really has And you know, it's nice to watch bumpy johnson the day. I I loved american gangsta And I've loved all that shit, but I remember new york city in the late 60s and 70s I remember going to my mom's dry cleaners and

Those were the bad people in those days those were the people that were going into your business in those days with a gun And go and give me your money with those people that you'd see nodding on the corner Waiting for the light to change and all of a sudden they'd wake up And they'd look around and they'd straighten their faces zombies And they'd walk across the street and then they'd stop again somewhere to smoke a cigarette And they'd fall half asleep and you would see this as a child. They saw this shit. I'm like wow And my mom would call them tecatos That's what you called heroin people in those days really tecatos

That's I mean it was so cheap Three dollars five dollars done done two three times you go downtown in those days to china town When I was a kid, I knew I had a friend that mingled in heroin He wasn't like I didn't hang out with him. He was much older than me, you know what I'm saying? But I would go down there with him And it was tremendous It was tremendous because I was a kid And I had a partner and he would walk us into a bar and buy his beers and a bowl of chili and go i'll be back

Order me something and he'd fucking leave he'd go cop and he'd come back And then he'd give us money and go go across the street to washington square park And we'd walk across the street and we'd get up to eight valleys of ten dollars And come back and then we eat the chili drink to be and he dropped us back to jersey We were like his decoy we worked on him he's a plumber God rest his soul. He was my goomba. I loved him quailudes is the one I wish I never did a quailude But I wish I could fucking I heard tremendous you just like one or two and you just were a fucking set What happened was again like everything I see

The quailude the fucking mdma the fucking Jerry's kid. What was it? What was it? What were you doing in college the special k special k all that shit? It's just uh It's a different name for the same kids It's a different it's a different name for the same similar product. Yeah that they just mixed and added You know, there was about ecstasy. Is that the same ecstasy? They added heroin to it and it gives you this weird thing and people were dying people sweating the death What the fuck knows, you know, it's all it always started with the same thing The quailude was like a pharmaceutical. Yeah

What what happened was This is interesting that you brought this up. Mm-hmm what happened was People started pirating them, you know, Lee's a genius Lee wouldn't they bought through four to two quailudes took him Got so fucking high. He goes. I want to know I want in on this. He's a chemistry student He was almost in my time playing with fucking monkeys and fucking You know playing with mice. What do I give a fuck if a mice gets cancer? You know what I'm saying? What's the resolution uncle joey? I'm doing is to make a living

He takes that thought they would take those quailudes Break them down. However, they do it chemically. I'm no fucking. I don't know nothing about this shit and they would Poked them and they were pirates But what these motherfuckers didn't tell you what these things were just a tad stronger Than what you usually got So here you are popping this pharmacy ones And you're having the cocktail because they already told you but when you got the fucking thing They I look you in the eye and I go, Lee, where you going tonight? Me and Paula

We're gonna go to a bar. We're gonna pop a quailude. Listen. I'm gonna tell you is one fucking time I have one cocktail and a glass of water and call a fucking uber I'm not pleased do me the favor Promise me. I'm not gonna fucking give you this school is lewd I promise you but these college kids said fuck it. We can make the lewd make him for a dollar selling for two They don't give a fuck We make them for any sense and selling for two. What are you nuts? You buying for two selling for four? Hello, you walk into a bar in those days and go, what do you go up to a guy like me and go joey

Tell me what you think pop it And four minutes later. I got a cocktail because right away you drink nobody ever did a quailude drink water Anybody who did a quail leave me at four. I had a cocktail even at four in the afternoon We'll go hold on one second. Let me get the strongest. Whatever you got the bucket the garage Terminal juice oil whatever you got they pop a quail And they get fucking lit like you just get lit but you got soft Loose Everything got really soft and all of a sudden you started going in and out

Like you'd be there and you'd be giggling and listening to the music But you'd be going in and out in and out in and out until finally You just short circuit and then the next morning you just wake up thirsty a chick next to you Some guy naked in front of you like it was that It wasn't like that for me like it happened a few times with those biscuits. I I started eating my first When I get my first quail because they stop making them then right? They just stop making like an outlaw them but now these genius kids like they only had the

Juice fuck you bitches. They got the blueprint But here's the problem like I told on the Joe Rogan podcast from time to time When these guys before they became fucking pill manufacturers They didn't get the right table or they didn't look at the flooring because now All the tables because the the flooring was off The tables are like this So let me tell you what happens when your table is crooked

That means when they place the pills on there to dry Right or whatever the fuck they're making The pills the juice drips down to the bottom right The quail juice drips down to the bottom. So these pills are fucking so those pills are fucking gorilla biscuits to the max And these other ones are kind of done. They'll get like a like a 16 year old high for an hour or two And oh my god, I did this quailer meanwhile some guy like means like I didn't do nothing to me Right. So now let me tell you what happens. You're taking two of those ones down there They both go into the same gorilla mix and you settle them in the street

So 50 a gorilla mix and 50 are just uh, uh, right? Okay So me and you were like, how do you know which one's gorilla mix? I never know You don't know what you know the beauty of this me and you go out on a Friday night Well, he was where we're doing today. We're going to Joe and Mary's how much you got I got 80 I got 75. What do you want to do? I don't know that It's so ominous. What do you want to do with 155? This guy's a nice guy. He would actually Look me in the face and believe you go

Man, listen, I don't want to get too fucked up. Let's just do a half gram. I knew I had them Right there right away. Just get one shirt. How much I have gram cost 45. Just give me 20 I don't even pay for the first five because I got a fucking goldfish. Put your money away That's mine later. Don't worry about nothing. I hope you got a pencil and a paper if I owe you money. All right And we take like a fucking We take like a four dollar quailude But it's a dud It's one of the duds, right? So guys like you and me a professional

We're kind of high but not really Now we're kind of disappointed, you know, man So we sit there and we drink a couple more fucking lila the bartender there the one who had a wig and she had a dog Then it was like epileptic me some piss on Fucked up, right? She'd make you these vodka harvest juices that were white We were fucking 17 We were 17 these vodka harvest juices just had a touch harvest juice in the top

The rest was just fucking vodka And we'd be blasting those things and that quail wouldn't hit us it would hit us But Molly now we get a look and we gotta go into emergency guys just We gotta pop the second one So we take that second one, which is the gorilla biscuit of debt and we pop that motherfucker But that one takes a little while to hit us and that time flocko shows up. What do you got? What are you holding? Give me another one. Give them the money. Don't worry about nothing. I'll catch you tuesday Now we're in the bathroom in the middle of all this

We get hit with the quail with the debt Now you're at the bar and rock is burping the fucking thing The room is just moving If there's music your ears Are sensitive as shit, which is really weird to describe You can't cover them because everybody think you're fucking in fact They want an ambulance goes by those people that cover they here shoot them All those people just weak fuck you never cover here. You stand there like a soldier

Cover here is like a fucking half a fruit cake. That's how I know what side of the fucking fence you're hanging on Covering your ears You don't know how many times I remember my friend's uncle died or so. No Where I was living His mom died and he had his The black suit that he was in the way of the wake the next day

I had moved in with the ruddies and uh Maybe uh, april of 81 This is june of 82 July of 82 maybe something like that may of 82 I'm at joe mary's throwing down those fucking white vodka aroususes

I'm doing bumps and a little spoon with a little bottle and shit. I had the whole kit And I'm eating those gorilla biscuits I go home. I eat a piece of chicken to stop the spins And I sit in his favorite chair his suits ready and as I'm sleeping all of a sudden I wake up in the middle of the night I start puking on his suit I almost got thrown out for that one but that was Gorilla biscuits

But then I learned you the secret to gorilla biscuits was like any other pill Can't drink with it. Yeah Enjoy the pill. That's where it gets bad Yeah, when you start to mix that's what you're already drunk though. Was that bad then? That's horrible horrible What it would do I would see fucking four years right now. Yeah, I swear to god. I would get to my friend's mother was dying Listen, again, he wasn't my friend. He was an associate His mother was dying of cancer in ninth. His mother was dying of cancer since like 78

She's gonna be your friend in those days that used to send her these things called two monos at 66 This is all that was at the number that was on the side of them On the side of them at 66 like the planes. It was the devil, but not really. You know what I'm saying? It was missing the six She would fucking take those pills and sell them for 20 a piece. Oh my god I remember splitting one one night. Oh my god That's what the with the government kept for the for the real sick people But it knows that yeah, but in those days my mom had just died That's the only thing that would kill the pain me going on either and experiment them with those fucking uh, yeah

Zombo pills and shit. Oh, no, man. I mean those. Yeah, I would eat them. There was a That's right. We had the janitor. What's that? We had a janitor that used to come in from the high school He was our janitor our high school had a very unique janitorial system. We had benny and the jet Benny and the jet was a janitor. It was like 60. He was like grandpa from the months He's been real tall and skinny and I knew what his soft spot was. He loved blackberry brandy. So I would go up to him How'd you figure that out? Would you see him drinking it? Because he would buy blackberry brandy every day from the liquor store and the guy told me one day

And I'd feel him out. That's like joey's Inside stocks. He's like a stockbroker who got inside information. He's like, this is what your problem is We don't go to the talk to the liquor store guys. I always have homeless I had to stay in those days and inquisitive. I was kind of embarrassed I was kind of embarrassed to be living on your couch. So the least I could do run as easy in those days is get up and get out Fold my fucking. Yeah, you know, you know, you're flexing in your house and you wake up They're watching game shows Breakfast is on the table. Fucking sheets are still on the couch. Sheets are still on the couch. I didn't want it

I wanted you to always let me stay at your house. Thank you So I would get up and you wake up and go, what did this kid go? I mean, that's what I wanted you to go Yeah, don't worry about when I got 10 bucks. Let me go hustle. I go to the diner. He eggs like a doctor Now I got four bucks But I need six to get into the city and get a nickel back and you just hustle, you know, I'm saying there's just uh I don't know what I was talking about. I'm so fucking no the janitor you're saying. Oh, all right So this janitor so it was benny and the jet. So once I figured out that

Benny was hooked on blackberry brandy. I would see him in the morning to go benny I got a bottle of blackberry brandy. I'm holding for you till later when One day I'm so crazy. I'm in a class. He actually knocked on the fucking door. He has the teacher we can talk to Benny we can't be doing this outside. And then Benny. I'm in ninth grade. Benny didn't have much. What do you do? Benny, this is social studies. Leave me alone. All right Miss Gibson's doing it faster than that Oh my god, so benny Benny went off the deep end one day. I didn't give him a bottle of blackberry after I put him through a month of torture

Every day's like where's the blackberry? Do you like a half empty it out and put like water? No, no, no, I gave him like a big bottle like the whole pocket when the long cons act along Listen to this. I give I treat him good for like three days first day I give him like the Not the half but the full. Okay. Yeah, and he looks at me hugs me Thank you. Where was it because I kept telling him somebody kept hiding there for me I went to a bit for benny

Every day he's mopping up thinking this is gonna be five days a week. I had benny on the fucking on the slide Benny's doing all your dirty work. Benny was my dog. Benny's hooking to the school was his wife was a big shot in the office So if you were cool with her, you were cool with benny. How big how much of a big shot could you be? Benny was the charge of the janitor's, right? So monday I give benny a little bottle Tuesday. I give benny a big bottle Wednesday. I hold him out He got a hold back. You know me. I work him like a jewel. Yeah You gotta let him go if there's day I give a bottle of like the best blackberry brandy known to mankind I give it to bottle. Okay. I give him the bottle like I ate in the morning

He goes benny. He makes like whoo like he makes like no He can hold down the speaker benny, please Benny please come to the office when I'm mad just coming That is like six janitors in those days that worked like from eight to four and then a fourth Another crew of janitors came in now. They were the fucked walk. They were the fucked up ones They were the ones that had like fucked up disabilities They heard voices shit like that. Those are the ones we torch it, you know

So let me finish on benny. Hold on. Let me take a sip of water here We got benny I got I forget all about benny I get benny the fucking bottle I move on with my life. Ha ha ha, you know I had him on the hook now I owe benny because I I robbed the school And I had to get back the stuff And I didn't you know, I wanted to cut a deal with benny like I blow towards the windows and Got into the thing with a flare, you know me dog

I could always figure it out in those days all for some blackberry brandy You wanted him to like let you bring something happened that I was trying to get tight with benny I wanted something from all the scales There were the scales in those days in the science room. So we would steal this triple beams There were 35 a piece hot in the street anywhere 10 minutes. They went like fucking hot cakes I ended up robbing all the scales me and this dude and we remain them nameless. No no names. No names showy. So So that benny one night they're in a fucking basketball game Third quarter of the basketball game. I gave him the bottle

And fucking ate them all and this thing There's no way you could have drank it Guess what he drank it. Lee you ready for this? Let me tell you what benny does lee. I'm not ready for it. What? They're in the basketball game Benny has the chains to lock up the doors And what do you think he does he passes out? He puts chains on his hand And he walks down the fucking aisle like he's fucking Louis Lamar walking on his side rope and people are clapping and people are calling benny and the jet

His eyeballs are red. He's reek of a blackberry pranthe I fucked up benny and the jet dog. Where's tony bet it? Oh my god. Oh Oh my god Oh Did he lose his job or something? No, benny retired benny was a good man. I had benny dog in those days Listen, I had benny I had nick the greek tour. I was talking about the nick the greek And they hit him with fake snowballs and told him I was gonna protect them

What are fake snowballs? I Or somebody who Will swear to be true As you used to do What are fake snowballs it doesn't matter So All right, so we had we had nick the greek

But we had the nighttime janitor now in mckinley school. We had eagle eye. We had a What was this thing? He would walk into the gym. All right, you guys got to get out of here Go fuck yourself eagle eye. He had one of those eyes that went up and he went Oh, mckinley was rough We were rough on those janitors. There was like three janitors there that were kind of mental that had problems All of them got tortured all three of them different ways. I still remember fucking that guy, but now I get to the hospital eagle eye I get to the high school and there's this guy that never bothered nobody

You could tell somewhere along the line. He was traumatized at a young age or something And he was okay. He said hi to you or something like that I don't know what happened One night I got caught drinking or something like that With another buddy of mine and for some reason in my fucking head I'm like this motherfucker rather side because he saw us going into the bathroom And in those days, I wanted to kill my stepdad. I was pissed. I was real revenge. I Didn't know how to fuck this dude up. I just you know, I'm saying if it was anybody else

But this dude just fucking bothered. Yeah, and he was a big dude. He could fuck me up, you know I'm a Joe Marius I'm 17 18 I'm a fucking adult. You know what I'm saying? I'm robbing. I'm out there borrowing from loan sharks not paying them back You know Now let me get the year correct. I don't fuck nobody over here So it's 83 I'm living with Ferney in the basement

I'm making a little bit of money I'm doing all right. I'm on the street narrow kind of Except for Friday and Saturday, you know, you you do you use late ball in the city Some nights are good. Some nights are bad. Whatever. No relationships. Me and a guy shared a room, you know, that's it That's it. He was as crazy as I was some nights. We went out together. We loved each other. He was my brother Today he's got the hiv. It's a fucking nightmare But not from hanging out with me. He got that afterward banging It's one Friday night. I meant the fucking bar

I'm like three or four people And we're doing a couple bumps Who the fuck knows the time the jukebox and then comes to jether Like a look what we got here So I put a beer next time there was like a little sandwich crate that you could go and eat sandwich Or the kids John Cowan worked next door at Chickadee We had chicken delight down the corner. Oh really? But then we had Chickadee right next door and John would always

When the Chickadee would close he would always bring the last pieces of chicken into the bar So they sat there all night at night. They were no good. You were coked up Nobody would touch the chicken one time they had a birthday party about an ice cream cake the cake melted Nobody touched everybody in there was snorting coke, bro It was just a coke bar when we were kids Lila gave you fucking thick drinks And in comes his jam and he's rocking and rolling and I'm a fucking crepe klep klepto fucking thief And I walk over and I see his jacket

And I stick my hand in the keys and there's keys in one pocket and I go around them And what do you think we got there a fucking pill case? Take the pill case out I go in the bathroom. Holy shit He's got like fucking 15 volumes in here. I take all the volumes. I'll close it up Put the pill case back in his pocket, you know me He's got like three or four different kind of pills in there, but I got the v's. I'm good I'm like me popping with these v's right now at this bar at this time. You know who I am I'm like say fucking Jude right now people suck my dick for two tens right now. He had the tens with the v's in them

Whole school you look at those in drool if you're a professional You want to go home and give mama a stab and that fucking horn ain't gonna work tonight So I kept doing this Every Friday I built like a little network of guys Like when I just go up to him pickbuck him take his volumes put him back After about six or seven weeks fucko finally figured out That I was robbing his valley So one Friday night I go in there take his pills open them up. He's got a bunch of these white pills

They look like quail boots just smaller I took all Put them in my pocket I walk out to like where the v's are. No. No. No. He's all out of v's, but he's got these He's got baby quailers It's winter of 83. We're at a bar I'm not on the best of terms in the town right now They're all waiting for one more slipper before you get thrown in the river. We're at a bar me and my buddies

What up, what'd you get? We're all coked up. We're dependent on these things It's 1 30 in the morning This is just gonna bring us down with this booze now. We could all go home finish our bag in those days We still weren't going nuts. We were just going out for a little while And fucking uh I had these white pills And I popped one. You know me dog. I've balls of speed. I popped And my friend's like fuck it. Let's take him. So I give him like six of my buddies

And I put the rest in my pocket I fucking go home Steve. Run is easy. Go home round three coked up to the gills with this pill in me I wake up the next day like at six o'clock at night and all I do is shit for 15 minutes Bob and while I'm shitting run is easy. I'm falling asleep I'm starting to puke and thirsty and be hydrating. I mean I'm drinking water from the faucet I shit. I wipe my butt. I drink enough water to get me back to the bed and I go right back to bed The next thing I know this there's light. It's monday same thing. I go to the bathroom my pee for five minutes And everything comes out of my butt and I just drink water wash my hands and go right back to bed

Finally tuesday and you know me dog. I can't sleep like that tuesday. I finally get up And I get out of bed and I walk I get breakfast. I got an extra breakfast I mean I haven't eaten in two fucking days. I drink a gallon or two of water I walk a little bit I get some sun I get back and I see the The light's blinking on the answering machine And they hit the fucking thing and they say cocoa. What the fuck are you? I've been sleeping for three days shitting blood. What the fuck's the matter you what were those things call me back beep Coco, what the fuck? I've been shitting and fucking passing out

Unbelievable. What are you thinking peep? Coco Call me back. I'm on my way to the hospital I don't know what the fuck you gave me, but you better have a good explanation peep Coco you got any more of those pills? They were tremendous, right? I'm hearing all this shit Finally bro What I call one of the guys back and he goes bro. What the fuck did you give me? He goes I went and looked them up. There was no internet in those days

I had to go to the library and it was what you give people when they got an epileptic fit Oh my god And dog, I'm lucky those guys didn't die because that's the first warning do not like in big letters Like those pills will fucking kill you. We all lived. Holy some people still hold the grudge You know what they're gonna do that's what happens. Did you ever see him at the bar ever again after that? Yeah, a couple people nobody fuck. I still talk to two of the guys That I gave the pills to They live in san diego and vegas and when I go to those towns they come to the shows and whatnot, so

It was it was just I ate them too But I gave the rest of them to the dude who kept asking me for Fuck I must have had six left I gave them to those kids That kid and he was popping like one one Then he started popping twos And here I was dead. He was eating two of them like chewing like fucking those pills are tremendous I wish you'd get more of them

And then one night like maybe a month later dog. We went out There was no blow. We got pretty fucked up at the bar another one. I'm not very proud of It was one of those crazy nights, bro. The cop showed up at john mary's Deona told him spitting his bad They told him to get the fuck out of the joint Somebody went to buy cigarettes and they got stuck and he put his hand through the light You remember the old cigarette machines. Yeah, you got to pull the thing He put his hand through the glass the fucking marbles

I mean for a while there we were having A kind of one night at snow this it was one of those new york snows Like a foot and a half two feet of snow no newspaper delivery this before the internet lee This is when every morning you depended on those two newspapers the local and the daily news You either a post or daily news But the post made up their own sport lines, so we don't deal with those fucking thieves We go with the daily news Dog they were days two of those two days they didn't come milk used to get delivered in those days, you know milk

You you tried to drive everything was shut down so we couldn't even get the lines on games And I never forget one night we had just gotten coke like even coke Coke deals were like bro. I can't get the car out I'll never forget me and this kid darin rago god rest the soul We're sitting by the window like lookouts. We weren't looking out. We were just looking at the snow. How beautiful it was Got a couple drinks on this And what the fuck do we see right as easy a dude this is northern new jersey 1983 The fuck is wrong with you

We see a dude Cross-country skiing like just perfect for like just cross-country skiing the guy next to me is a future murderer He don't know it yet, but I do that's a murder in this guy All I did was look at him and he goes What the fuck is he thinking? Let's get off there You know us two went out there first. I thought we just going out to the run and just go Get the fuck out of our neighborhood and shit, right? Why you're just skiing in those skis

Cross-country that's the first to ski on bergen line avenue. All right. You want to ski go to the mountains Very this was our neighbor, you know cross-country ski. We're perfect I'm perfect for him. Like this is switzerland to the olympics. You fucking mo mo Listen, not only did I run out when people saw me run out Eight of them ran out and they're like what the fuck you're chasing my town. No, no, no, no, no Darren no, there's two feet of snow on the sides. You should there's snow everywhere The back of the snow when I only Darren was crazy Other things I thought Darren was just going to chase him like 50 yards

And we get the fuck out of our neighborhood and throw a snowball at him. Fuck no Darren when I by the time I look at these guys and look back Darren's dirty yards from the guy and he's like, hey, you fucking cuckuck and he's yelling. So now we're like, oh, no We take off people are falling down By the time we get over that Darren's punching the fuck out of this guy. I mean Do you ever see type shots to the head? Fuck those concussions? This guy was down

Darren's hitting them with fucking elbows and the pop pop the guy's heads going. I mean, this was fucked up This is why I knew he was a murderer This is why I knew, you know What I'd known for years his mom was dying the cancer that got divorced You know what I'm saying? He had this thing He was juicing. There's the beginning of his juicing. We were a few we had him doing push-ups at bars We would take him to bars and go down and do a bump. Listen. Come here Do do 10 push-ups and show

Pulse for these people. So who the fuck that dealing with north bergen representing guy and he'd go really? What do you think? Yeah guy all of us to talk a mentor. What are you crazy? Do a bump Do some push-ups warm up and do poses We'd make them do crabs and shit I To this day, I missed that craziness of the east coast like you do that. Oh That little neighborhood you grew up in it was a safety because you were like with your friends that you grew up with

But the you know some of the none of this shit was safe You know But it's fine. It was it's never seemed dangerous in the moment I'm so sorry so Darren beats the fuck out of this guy This is this seems dangerous. Hold on. We drag him. Oh good 30 feet to a vfw and we throw him over the fence Darren Wait, I have one question. This is my one question. Are his ski is still on his feet?

Oh, no, but they Darren hit him with the ski. It was classic shit Classic Hey, then they sold the skis. No, no, we don't know. No, no, this is how beautiful this one is. So beautiful He throws him over Darren jumps over And starts fucking taking the flag from the vfw the entire round his ankle Darren's like fucking this guy's gonna be missing an act or whatever. He piles more snow on top of him

We go back in the bar by that time the coke shows up. We do bumps. We celebrate. We forget all about the whole fucking situation But an hour later, we see fucking red lights everywhere, right? And then we got the bar surrounded Come out right now. We know who you are. So I look around the bar. I got like fucking two eight balls in my pocket I'm going down But I look around and I see I know one of the cops My job is to get out there and get to him If I can get to him I'll put this eight ball in my hand and shake his hand and tell him we're good I don't know what happened here. You know, say get the fuck out of here master plan

I'm sitting there cops are getting out of their car, but they're not running in like swat. Yeah, they're like, what is this a fucking joke? You know, they're all in the middle of the street. The door opens up my idiot friends walk out I see the cops rushing them. I get out the right time. I see my buddy. Hey, what's going on? I put the eight ball in this and I know we were here hanging out He goes, all right, get the fuck out of here walk this way as we're walking this way I don't know what the cops are in there for I got forgotten. I'm so fucked up And I look at the police car and the dude is in the bag with blankets on Just fucking shake

And we just walk right past that That's him the fact that I love how you were like what why just he was just skiing What was what's wrong with you? No, it was 1983 and he's in the neighborhood Especially cross-country. I don't even know what that was If you're gonna ski, I wanted you to ski like james barnett and her majesty's secret service I don't want you to fucking I imagine that you chased him out of town through snowballs adam jesus christ

This is one little starling. No, really But it's easy talk to me, brother. You got me good. This this star of death got me fucked up. No, I love it I could tell it hit you a little. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this thing you were looking at me. Oh my god I haven't done one of those in a very long time another one. I'll take one for the road. I won't do anything for the road Oh, thank you so much. I never know what happens on friday night. My cousin run is easy Not this weekend. I'm on the road. Where are you this week? Oh, uh, phoenix stand up live I love that club That's a weird you like it. I think it's too big for me. Yeah, but it bothers me. It's it does

It is big. It bothers me. That's what bothers me. That's number one number two Jesus christ, you want your comedy to be pure? Really? I gotta hear music. That's my only beef. Yeah, I know give me the respect I deserve I've been fighting them all my fucking life. I've been on the set for six years Taking all this from kids. I could chop up in half. You know what I'm saying? Yeah They don't even have to win at me now. You want me to come down here and while I'm on stage I gotta hear music, you know

It's uh, but it's a great venue. It's yeah, it's nice. It's big big hotel's nice But yeah, the music next door a lot of these places that were like have those music bars the audio bars I don't think the audience can hear it though. Yeah, but we hear it But it doesn't you know, they gotta let me tell you something about the improv's They invest in their sound systems. I gotta get them there. They really work hard And if there's a flaw and you tell them They fix it. Yeah, and then they call you the next day. You know, hey, we fixed that thing. You like it's a fuck That was last night. I'm good. Yeah, I'm in phoenix. You know, I'm in fucking off the dinner. Yeah, they um

You know, they curtain off that little back part if it's not there's no one back there, but I like that room I just like I've always had fun there. I like tempi too I just came up in tempi. Yeah, it's sentimental I remember I did it a couple times the old before they reconstructed it. I like that that was always a fun Like a a pride destination. Yeah, your pride destinations in kami like When you first got into county that the three cities that let you know you were revived san francisco If I was like, all right, I'm gonna do san francisco denver Comedy works. I heard always heard was unbelievable

cap city in austin dc improv Comedy cellar in new york Those are the ones that I heard that were like, you know Have you been you do the comedy cellar a lot? No, I've never done the comedy cellar in new york But you know, those are the ones that I've always heard were unbelievable Is that the ones I mean? Like no, no, my question to you is like

When I went to boston when I got a recommendation to play a club outside of boston I knew I was gonna get somewhere Like comedy was like, they didn't know I was a mantra. You're all This was a pivotal city for me. There's those pivotal cities where you when you start now. Yeah, that's the question Chicago and zany's in chicago. I built an audience up there Remember selling out there before anywhere else the show took place in chicago And then I think that that's where my audience got biggest fastest I like that club, you know, the downtown one's cool. I really like that one

But that's a fun. That was like my first big area Zany's in chicago Boston's was good. Boston was great. I remember when I did the will where I was excited about that That was fun. It was exciting. They got me excited about that. That was a good one. I just uh There's one part of this thing when you hate when the business becomes involved. You like the purity and just yeah You just want to go to the store and do that 15 dollar set and get out of there And I have to worry about a check or from a sold out and not sold out and who's pissed and who's not pissed Well, for me the reason why I like I was excited to do the for him and for joey to do the wilbur

Was because I went there as a kid like that's the big theater in Boston. Yeah Like what big did you guys do like a big theater in jersey or something? That was like that you went to as a kid That was pretty cool. I mean the coliseum, but no one ever dice. I think did the coliseum No, I'm like, did you do anything? I have have you gone back home. Oh governors on long island They put me on their comedy wall fame from long island, which I thought was really cool. I like that club too I like that club. Yeah Um

That was like that was the home club that my parents would go see comedy at Well, I first got it moved to LA. I had to go to new york for something. This is such a weird It was a weird trip. I went to new york I was supposed to showcase a governor's it was like a tuesday night But then the manager called me and said, you know what? It's a dark club It had become fucked up for a while and those guys took it over and said it again and stuff But that was a weird trip because I turned down that I turned out another showcase like the comic strip like this manager

I had knew that comedy thing new york city. Uh-huh, but he also told me To make a tape of myself to when stand up while I was here and drop it off an hbo That they're casting a show called the sopranos And I remember going like okay, so why would I go to a song about singers? I was like, fuck that shit. I'm not going on I Knew you at the store when you auditioning your ass off

Yeah, and being number two always number two for like a year you were going in and making a screen test They take you to lunch rub your feet You met the president used to sign the paperwork that says how much money you're gonna make Before you go in there remember that last audition. Yes sign that case so that way in case, you know, they like you and they can't You know negotiate then so you knew you were like fuck here we go See the this or nothing Let's go do it Emily went through like a year

Of this auditioning how and we would talk to each other every night at the comedy store about the audition the casting director Which ones we liked was there? Yeah that we do this was a different time for auditioning than what's going on right now Yeah, I mean I really don't I haven't done it for a little bit but the pilot season this year is going to be interesting I heard you don't really test in front of the audience like in front of the people anymore sometimes I heard you doing on tape Which is a different thing Nerve rack and they're like go in there and do it in front of them Listen call me and let me know what time on friday afternoon. Let's make it close to one o'clock. Yeah

Give me the fucking sides on wednesday Let me smoke a fucking 20 and I'll get back to your friday award Watch me go to work. Go ahead call some names in there And I guarantee you I have my headshot on the wall. I don't know if you'll give me the job for practical matters for Whatever. Yeah, nobody knows where I am whatever, but trust me. That's what I know how to do That's what I got really good at. I got so good at it Dad I got addicted to booking but not wanting to shoot when they call me for wardrobe. I go god damn it And so were you you got addicted to it for a while. You really got into it the acting the producer's sessions the second session

Fuck the second sessions. Yeah, I remember saying to you. It's a game of numbers And it's so weird how it was like it was like you lost In your mind it seemed like you lost a hundred jobs in a row It all of a sudden boom effects called the day you were for six seasons. Yeah It's unbelievable But yeah, those those years of just being like I went I got to this level this year I didn't book one the next year you book a pilot doesn't go Just you know that whole thing where you're like, I'm in the room

trying the best I can Trying to figure it out as I go along Who we would see in the rooms who we would test for what roles I remember Julie Julie Ashton bringing both of us in right now you should be a mind reader Because that's all I can think about right now is Julie Ashton. Yeah, like when I think about my comedy career Three pilots Four pilots she put me in. Yeah, she's the best one of them at five in the afternoon Corp time was seven

1500 go to fox NYPD 2063 That didn't have a chance in the hell you understand me rocket ships in new york People getting shot by lasers. I was a newspaper guy. Good luck. Oh my god I think these stars. How many stars did I have? I had one star. That's all you need trust me amazing It's uh, I would I think till today Julie still calls me and I hope to see her 16 years later

That's crazy That we've been working for that lady for 16 years everything would happen with me. She called to say hey We're good I love you She's a good woman let me see I booked lewis but she booked me in lewis Whatever's pilot. Oh, yeah, she booked me in NYPD 2069

That's amazing She booked me in uh Happy hour Oh, really then they cut me out after the pilot tanks of shit that they were Thanks to shit those people now I see them around And they can't even look me in the eyeball and shit they had to but they were improv actors though Two of them were commercial actors Now they're fucking the five people on our show and they couldn't hire the right janitor

Finally I'd bring uncle joey into school them in the school of comedy and they they're fucking joey's drop They didn't at that time at that time. I was that good already on stage. I had done the longest yard There's nothing to be fucking you guys are fucking amateurs Compared to what a fucking dungeons. I've been You know what I'm saying? I remember the the uh the longest yard Everyone coming out after hanging out with us at the comedy store that was in the movie and saying how unbelievably Fucking funny you were the entire time down there. Oh, I was killing all those motherfuckers killing everyone I was killing I was in you were gone. Where were you guys? New mexico? New mexico

I New mexico for like five days. I just watched Listen like god blessed me. It's whoever They called me down there and I gotta tell you something. I was kind of pissed and I thought I got down and lifted the schedule like Yeah, you know even shoot until next week Yeah, what am I here for but they were giving me per diem. Yeah buck a day. Mm-hmm. They had me in fucking the hotel Santa Fe which is Nice, we're lucio ball. That's where everybody goes Brad Pitt. That's the best there is. Yep

Indians fucking tremendous food, you know, just tremendous fucking food They had me in that room for fucking Seven days before I did anything So for the first three or four days, I went to this down there, you know Motherfuckers like I said, but I got to hang out the number. Yep. I brought the vibe is a little notepad I broke my sides over just to make believe I was going on my side, but not really I'm making notes to what the fuck. I'm seeing how you're shooting this How he's working with the actors. I was you know, I didn't know

Wait, I was doing I was doing one line for fucking thing before that Yeah, my first scene was going to be like a fucking eight liner. Yeah In an insombo with eight gorillas talking at one time. That's like, uh, yeah, that first line I do uh Whatever the fuck it is Tree out. Yeah, what the fuck's the tree out? Yeah. That was it dog. And all of a sudden there was eight people I'd never done that before. Yeah, wait. Thanks. So many teachers. I don't do that. They teach you how to do mean you I'm new york city. I can do like I love getting interviewed by the cops. That's my number one job You got a guy get interviewed by the cops. I'm not gonna brand. Oh, that's how good I am at that

No, but we were both fighting for our lives trying to get acting jobs. Yeah movies We had conversations about shit at night and I by that point I had figured out it was fucking Wasn't even about your performance. It was just about there was so many many getting factors variables different ways Didn't matter what you know, just luck of the thing that worked out at the right time The stars always have to be aligned. Yeah Joe you always talk about focus. So why why can't you why why didn't you just focus all of your energies on stand-up? Like why are you even worrying about acting? Because at that point my stand-up was going nowhere

My stand-up was going nowhere and I figured out that Montreal didn't want me. There was no comedy agents wanted me There was no comedy man managers that spoke to me, but If I could act I could go through the back door By the time they catch up with my stand-up my stand will be ready for So if I could act little by little see Like I told you or somebody else in this town as a young comic you come here You ain't dick. You could be the funniest guy at all those open mics

They're gonna promote you to be a regular at the store. You ain't dick the u-book or commercial. Yep That's how I remember it. Okay, because tell them why because now you become viable. Yeah, that's who you become You're letting me know. I'm at home one night. I own the improv Embraer You've been bugging me for a year to do a guest spot You're still watching commercials at this point. You're still watching commercials. It's 11 30. You're stoned And there's Steve Renize easy on a fucking motor oil commercial During the 11 o'clock news. Holy shit. I'm a bookhead for one of those shit weekends that we can't get rid of You know, and they'll give you an mc spot. Yeah, because

They know now that you might go somewhere You just became somebody by booking that commercial part of a club. That's it when I booked the Taco Bell commercial It was all over like people were talking to me. I booked the pilot for cbs. Nobody knew about it. Yep Even if you don't talk like if you don't talk you're cool. It's yeah. Yeah. McDonald's was my first commercial I booked the McDonald's. I'm gonna take it a book of commercial in those days. I booked it in 2005 So four years Three and a half years How often we go on editions? I mean the first year it was like

They they barely they sent you out of like one every if you didn't book it right away like one a month And then and then you know, you get like a callback or a couple callbacks And then before you know it you're they're like you're in callbacks all the time and then you book one then you go You know, then they're like, all right I remember judo freeland had booked like 87 commercials. Yeah Like and that's before he became and they take you serious and they go, okay, let's I've seen you before Have I seen you? Yeah. Now you hop over from commercial actor to real actor, which it's tough sometimes A lot of people get like that AT&T guy. You'll never you'll see him in the spring commercial

But you'll never see him in the movie opposite jacuzzo or fucking johnny bananas or something like that It's crazy how I knew that I would eventually Like everything I would get one line one line one line then I went on a three liner Tear for a while and then I went in a five liner only with credits rolling Yep The first I went on a three movie tear where the credits ran through me in the first fucking five minutes of the movie I remember going from commercials I'd done two commercials and then I booked a guest star on the show called kitchen confidential

With bradley cooper was a fox show and I was going to play a banker who was running out on a check I go wall street guy And he was like ran the restaurant. So he would run after me and call the cops So it was one like one scene but four lines and then I run out the door so I remember hanging out on set and trying to see what the difference is it between this is the same thing as a commercial I don't even commercial, you know, they didn't treat you very well So then I did this and they're covering angles and this and that the director's like more

Talking to you and it's the reality show like the re-enactment. No, no, no. This was a real scripted show. Okay. Yeah And so he would you know, like just trying to learn about the differences like what's the next level going to be like? All right, this is television. This is what this feels like. It's different than commercials They kind of have more money take more time on things. They kind of move it differently So I remember going from that to that and kind of learning the level as I got there You know, I wanted to take you to get the leak You that was in 2009 So nine years. Yeah, I've done a couple pilots. I did one show that went for like 12 episodes

in uh, six And then a couple pilots that didn't go after that then that paul blart movie was between that too That was great because that was another one. There was in boston For three months. We shoot the movie. I get there. I had like 10 day gaps You know, but you know, my girlfriend would come out and fly out and hang out, you know So it was great like hanging out in the hotel. But yeah, those big breaks are fun. Kevin used to give us all this shit

The burlington mall, right? The burlington mall. He would give us some legal seafoods right on the that's right We used to fucking eat there Dude, I grew up I grew up without legal seafoods and the high top seeds right at the front It was the best job because we would uh Would they realize because the mall was still open. We kind of shoot kevin stuff at night So I had like business man hours. My call time wasn't until noon And then I would work till eight

Be home back at the hotel by 8 30 then nice dinner, you know, and then get into the night whatever I wanted to do Have long stretches off four or five days off. It's fucking great. And they just paid you run a film. It was awesome That and then the league It was a different I get quiet. I just started getting calls About a week and a half ago people like Have you been going off the pilot season by the goal? I didn't even know it was pilot season. Yeah, I just started And uh, I was and like at this point I'm not even concerned the whites are concerned myself

I think I gave up about five years ago six years ago. I finally said this is the reality of it Unless I write a show somebody writes me in from the very beginning A producer that believes in me This ain't gonna happen. I don't want to go in no half way to them book it Then you're too funny for him So they replace you with fucking white johnny And there you are and they're fucking friends. You know what I'm saying? Fuck that and that's a p You know, that's part of the business a lot of great people listen

Joe Rogan got the role because Ray Romano got fired. How fucking crazy is that sir? You figure it out Didn't lea remony get something on friends and then yeah Really? Yeah, something like that. I feel that's what happened. She was in she was on the original friends cast Maybe you know someone always gets fired at the table read those table reads They don't do them for to just hear everything out loud They're doing it Because I remember when I sat down on my first one ever Kurt Fuller who was playing the dad on the show. It's like old

Old character actor ghost busters too, right? You've seen him all over the place He turns and he looks at me goes how you feel? I'm like, great. I'm excited about this. He's like, you know Someone always just give it your all because someone always gets fired one of us It's gonna be gone after this fucking thing and he was right. They fired one of the dudes After the show a book and you know, you find out on the way to the your car That's how quick it happens You you're done with the bagel after everyone says hello great job everyone you walk towards your car By the time you get to your car your agent's on the phone. Hey, we got to talk

What happened in there? Jesus and she auditioned for monica. Yeah, but she didn't get it. Oh, she didn't get it. I fucking got fired From a movie in jamaica, which I didn't care and they were under there was there was a sag movie But they didn't really get the contract and sag nobody said the sag rep The fucking jamaica was like a nudist colony What else did I get fired from I got fired from something else? A movie that I got with a bunch of fucking mooks. I didn't want to do it And I just called them and said i'm done done and we go you're fired. Okay. Fuck it. But then

What am I most fucking infamous finds that nobody knows about as I got fired From a telomune dog show What from a cuban telomune dog show And guess what about two years ago? I'm in the park with my daughter and my wife We're walking around the park and the guy sees me and goes hello. How are you an old son? He goes can I talk to you for a second? I just want you to know I never saw you again after that time When they fired you had nothing to do with me one of the producers just did not like you And I was like, okay. Thank you for telling me 18 years later, which I never lost nothing. They paid for my after

Oh, really? It was a thousand dollars after That thousand dollars there was a join me or something. Yeah, and then that was like 98 I went down to the audition on the monday. I guess my spanish got away with it. But at the table read I thought uh, what is that like the blocking? Yeah, I just ate the big dick and then they had a minute of pause And these cubans started talking, you know And I'm like, what part are you from now like this place and And these were all these cubans that were high level. I thought they were high level. No, I didn't grow up in Union city we grew up in

914 Rockland county because my father didn't want to be around cubans. It was type That was weird Fuck this What's up dog? What are you looking at me? Are you still going through changes? No, I'm now I'm hot Are you sweating? I'm sweating. I'm always sweating. It's like I'm gonna give some shout out and we'll get you out of here Alex Wiley in the house My man austin miah is my little brother there Making it happen

Stefan kelly tsp bud and roach my main man one by one podcast bobby sharon and crystal chris murphy Andrew nan Diaz And chris trent in the motherfucking house also While I got you let me tell you something Tell me about c. So lee Oh, I love c. So okay. So here's the deal. They have all the great comedy you want So I I like specials. So I know they have uh, joey. I know they have stanhope

I know they have a couple more coming up, which are pretty great. Um And but what I really like is they have all of and I like parks and recreation They have that rory scola specials on there too rory scola specials on there They have rory kill martin specials on there What I'm what I'm really looking forward to seeing is that uh, paul of tomkins. He has a show on there I wanted I want to see that when I I'm they I I'm going through their catalog and I'm just really impressed with all the stuff they have Well, I'm happy that you like it brother because I love it too. I'm happy. I want I chose them

Stop settling for open mic comedy When the legends are at your fingertips c. So puts you on the guest list for exclusive comedy shows From legendary comics and today's top talent with new exclusive specials from nick depolo and uncle joey Myself duck stanhope and the new special from nick You don't have to stand in line and shut out 30 bucks at your local comedy club to see us Ciso has exclusive specials from them and many more that you can enjoy from your couch On your favorite device plus the drink minimum Is up to you. You understand me. Nobody bothers you. Nobody knows nothing. All right

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s e e s o dot com promo code joey Ciso.com promo code joey. All right, and you get to hang out with uncle joey. Do me a favor go over there Press the button watch the special watch nick the pile on watch lorry kill one learn something about Comedy from these people now for me. I got bad habits. Anyway Back to my main man, Steve Brennan's easy up on long island. When did you get the comedy? You're in steven Brennan's easy after college

I was uh wanted to perform every night. So I started writing jokes and I was like, I'm going to try open mics went to new york comedy club Did the open mic there a little bit? When year was this 92,000. Okay. I was way gone from the new york comedy club. I was lingering there in 93. Oh really? It's back now. I heard it's pretty nice There's so much comedy in new york right now. When you go there if you call five clubs, don't put you up You know, there's tons of action in new york. You could do five six clubs a night five

I'm too old How many spots do you would you do in a night and be like all right? I'm too much three three But that'd be fun. Yeah three good ones. I don't care. There's 60 people Yeah, as long as they're fun. I don't care the first one's gonna bomb I want to bomb the first one because I got two to redeem myself. You know what I'm saying? You don't want to laugh. I don't give a fuck. I got three more like you Can you do three hour shows a night now? Would you I know Between the reef of the age the memory listen one of the worst things on stage

Is when you're saying a joke And you don't know if you said that joke before the joke The show before or you've already said already. I know that's happening before. Let me tell you something I was at the how was it the miami improv? Tuesday through sunday with three shows on saturday If anybody went through the training ironed it, okay, they had the improv and then late 90s got this bug three shows Yeah, three shows and the late ones started an hour late What headline of this 42 minutes on a saturday? I got the sold out crowds. Yeah, I'm gonna keep it tight

The late show would start at one those people are having now you gotta do another fucking show. Yeah You wouldn't get out of there till three on sunday night. You're at the bar waiting to go up Your central nervous system It's terrible. It's shot. You don't want to even say your fucking jokes And guess what you gotta do your fucking thing get a check go to your hotel room and go back because you got fly to la Do laundry Feed the cat clean the little box and you leave on tuesday morning and do it all over again in san antonio Oh, fuck three shows on saturday. I did three shows in columbus at the funny bone on saint patrick's day

It was a saturday. I did three shows the third show was that one of those ones where I was like, have I told this joke before? That's terrible. That's that's that's you know, because maybe you're like Are they are they laughing? I feel like they're laughing like they heard it before and they're laughing at me Lee you think you're going crazy It's that quick that you get to as you're saying the joke You don't know if they're laughing because you're fucked up. Yep. Sometimes I eat a star of denny It's the second show I got two three stars in me dog

My mind stops afloat. You know the second show whether you prove your point in the first show So the second show i'm gonna take a couple fucking jabs I'm gonna take some detours. I'm gonna take you down some dark streets because it's the 11 o'clock show. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's so much fun. That's and I like doing that because then I go I didn't do any of those jokes. Yep Thank god I didn't have to do any of those jokes all over again I'm sitting up there going that I do this joke that I do this joke

It's only one o'clock at night. I've been up since seven My first joint was at seven thirty. What are you on? Nobody could withstand that memory thing. It's 10 o'clock the fuck Nobody can smoke when I smoke all day and show up at 11 and do two shows No Not too many people but most people the second show that that camera hits you When that fucking you get on that stage and depending on how the audience is You get instant anxiety sometimes for me, man I fought a little bit this year and i'm okay with it now the store gives it to me

Yeah When I go to the store sometimes as i'm walking up those steps If I eat an edible I forget and I run up those steps and I get a little anxiety after six steps That takes me to a different planet. I gotta sit in mitzi's chair And let my nerves come down How many seasons is the fucking league up? We went seven you loved it. Love doing it. Where'd you shoot? In on location in the valley usually and then a couple days downtown sometimes The bar was downtown that we shot at some office stuff downtown

But yeah valley it was a blast I love doing it. I like going to work, you know I like this, you know, it was same crew same people for the most part. It was fun But yeah, you know, would you want to do it again? I would like to do a show as I mean, I would love to do a show as fun as that Another six seven year run would be fun on another fun show. How fun would it be to get on low and order now? Be one of the cops. He runs easy hometown guy Just yeah three-year contract this fucking uh, uh, jr. Junior

Detective donnelly Yeah, I I bro, that's a dream right there I mean being an investor like steve scherripper landed another one on blue bloods. Oh really? Yeah, I bless it. Yeah God bless. That's all you bounce to another one then. That's it once the show ends you take a year off You spend some of that genus you hide some of it You buy some shoes And you tell your agent listen cocksucker There's some show out there. Wait for me. Put some writer together. I know you got another writer on staff

You got something on staff. You got somebody over there writer meant Well, I think didn't you play a da on the league? Yeah, I played a lawyer So that's it. Yeah, I'm gonna do it again. Yeah experience. Yeah A da on law and all that Yeah, one of those chicago shows chicago law and they'll make next Fuck yeah, I'll do that It's it'd be fun If you make it fun

I mean as long as it's not the last couple times I've worked except marin like I worked network television I wasn't feeling it. No I wasn't feeling it. Why I wasn't like, uh I used to be excited about doing network television dog in the beginning I got thrown to the wolves I did a couple of shows that were live I went from fucking doing costars to doing alive Mad tv were people in the audience. Are you fucking crazy? When did I do julioid? Remind me when did I do you when did you ever go playing you see me in julioid?

You know, these people understand what kind of these store kind of works You know what bro? I may have felonies I snorted blow. You know what I'm saying? I had an ex-wife It's tough to let these people understand that what kind of these store kind of works Yeah, we're there from the core from the 1145 spots We played tricks on people. We lit. What's his name on fire in the bathroom? Yeah, yeah, what's his name? What's his name? You know You gotta your dick suck down there. You got drunk as a motherfucker down there passed out. Thank you

You live in the house, huh? No, I never lived in the house. No You had friends that were lost now down there. You know, you're a Sometimes I feel bad about my colleagues. I don't know what it is I don't know what the fuck you bitches better step back and shit Shit Yeah, like, you know, I remember like going on mad tv and them telling me what I gotta do and me going home and going I better call my agent in the morning and tell him that I'm sick as a dog and I can't do this And then I would always go back to the club

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa I followed fucking. What's his name? Not AJ Jamal This has name. Yeah, there's AJ Jamal smooth black comedian. Which is so funny with dreads. No I don't know who AJ Jamal is But you know, I was following Dom Raring getting buried Yeah in the main room getting buried and then going into no confidence At the 1145 spot in the original room, which in those days was tighter It was more more gladiator type. Mm-hmm. There were more savages in there. They come up from the fucking

Burrows of orange county that watch comedy now. It's a lot of more tourists, you know It's so famous now because of podcasts and stuff. It's famous everywhere I think that's what it is every people make trips now I've talked to audience members who make trips there. They're just solely there because they want to meet you and They come on business. It's it's fucking amazing. They come on business. Yeah, they checking out this not the standard Yeah, the standard down there somewhere close to over there And they walk and they walk restaurants. They go to sushi and then they come back to the county store And it's great to know that people listen to us all over the fucking world and this translates

What we're doing translates. You're starting a podcast. I am I start actually launches next a week from tomorrow What's the name of the podcast hear me this book? With Steve rent is easy. I don't read. I don't really read books or have read all the books I'm supposed to have read so I'm gonna have guests on tell me about their favorite book We'll talk about it. Why they read it, you know, and then we'll just jump off from a conversation from there You want to practice on uncle joy real quick? But you have you you got a book that you think you got the books. What book would you would you pick? I'd love to have you on

The what what what what do you want me to read? He's he's been telling me to read a book for like the yeah, what book did you suggest to him to weed? The war of art the war of art Steven Pressfield Steven Pressfield It talks about resistance and what makes you not want to do The things that are gonna lead you to a better life. How old is it? It's been around a couple of years. He wrote a couple movies and stuff real interesting story But he's one of us that got sick and tired of getting beat up He wrote and he figured out what is what stops you from

Doing what you're supposed to do. It's an interesting book But the other day I was looking at this fucking book I got This is one of those books that I read But I had to put down a couple times it was so scary And I read some great books one of my favorite books. I'm not wings of eagle The story of fucking your boy there from texas The one that ran for president with the red hair and the big E is when we were kids Ross Perot. Yeah, that's a bad ass

That's trump's uncle. Nobody knows it yet. Nobody's That's Ross Perot. I do. I remember like being like, what is that guy's deal? He was in the debates. They let him in like the big debates And he was throwing he kept saying american these guys are paying for this for your money. I'm paying for this with my money Yeah, yeah, he was ran, but if you know what bro, if you read He was so modest and his publicity people never said read my book I got it out there for free Just send me your book. Send me your address. I'm gonna send you my book and you tell me if you don't want me present in your country

And no, I was in prison dog. I didn't know what to do And for some reason I took this book off the shelf and when they moved me I kept the book And I remember being there one night and listening to fucking black people yelling all night and shit In the middle of this there was like a light and I opened up the book and I said, I really like the first time pages And for some reason it just took me somewhere else And the next day I couldn't wait to wake up to read in the light And it was basically about a guy who made a bunch of fucking geetus With this company and then they went to iran and they got captured

So they came back to the states And they had captured like four of the office members And then he went to kissinger and talked to kissinger Jesus, but he made a promise to the employees families that they would be home For christmas dinner You know pro's crazy So when kissinger said we can't really go in there you're on your own This motherfucker went and hired marlon brando from apocalypse now

Some crazy fucking dude that shot going ahead. No To train his men Computer people whatever engineers to bond together to go save the other workers And they took a plane over there. They broke down the location And this army commander taught these fucking guys These guys like lee And guys like you how to fucking kill in 10 days They really they went over they got a building just like it and they practiced taking over the building whether the guys were with regular people

10 regular guys they were robbing. They had to keep it going. Yep They went in there. They got the four people out tremendous dog ross perot Made his promise people. He looks like a little like a little geek doesn't matter. That's like an it guy That dude got pockets. Oh deep pockets oil money. Yeah, he was I I remember with that time reading what he was worth and what he's worth I remember danik harvey doing on saturday night live. Oh, please. He was fucking. They're gonna want me for president but he just America just wasn't no. No, they weren't ready for a third party guy. Oh, no, no, no, no some crazy Dog he was ready to blow he was saying it

I wouldn't take that stuff from nobody me. I just press a button. That's it. Once you say that on tv people are like, yeah And some people in california wake up press a button Well, let's do that. Let's do that book on the podcast No, but there's another book that you learn. It's called murder machine That's all about The roid the male crew who roid the male crew. It sounds like a providence boston crew. No, no They were out of brooklyn out of canarsie and their main thing was fucking

stealing cars changing the vents changing the history and sending the cars to iran and All those countries and no matter what the car was They would get 5 g's per car fords, whatever it was They were shipping over thousands of cars a week what in shipping containers and stuff shipping containers and shit They had crews of guys that would go out at night and look for particular orders special orders, I mean it was a

There was and then canarsie is known for chop shops body shop. So The pizzas they didn't need went out to those guys for roid the male and chopped into uh Those people that make videos like if I make a movie you duplicate them Oh, um bootleg. He had loaned the guy money and they were bootlegging porno and making a ton of money. So roid the male got it with him He killed the dude. No, the roid the male was a savage Yeah, the guy told them no, I don't want to partner fucking killed them right and he became the movie

This guy was a fucking animal But he was given tribute To this fucking high ranking gambino captain That didn't even have any soldiers like this guy just kept them in pork chops But what people didn't know was that roid the male lent money and he also sold coke and But his main business was murder And he had these six dudes. He had these he had these six dudes that would hang out at this bar club gemini Creepy fucking bar, but next to it. They had an apartment

And what their specialty was what they carried on to I mean they went to John Gotti and said listen We run roid the male gun and John Gotti said, well, you ask him me for Nobody nobody so this day I forget who the fuck killed Oh the high ranking captain because that was the only guy he would talk to so that this is his story And what he would do what his fucking main thing was this is this is when You know man all that shit's a fucking fantasy And I knew it was a fantasy as a young guy these people I come up to you listen if you give this guy money You're with him really

I'm a Cuban guy. I don't want my money. I just want my money to fucking tell me I got that spick of root paying me 200 a week. You know, that's all bullshit But this guy They were doing drugs. They were fucking stealing cars. They were making money, man But when he got an inclination that you did something against me to invite you to a party I think you want to do some blow. Sure. Let's come next to I got this cocaine that just came off the Colombian fucking mule He'd take him and as you walked in one of them jumped out naked and stabbed yet. Oh my god They stabbed you then the other guy shot you and they put a fucking

Taller on your head and they dragged you to the touch like a nascar pit crew It was a they were a murder machine. They put you in the tub Drain your blood hang you upside down drain your fucking blood And then they go and start the pots. That's my nightmare tonight. Why are you? Why are you a fucking draining? They go cut the lettuce and the fucking tomatoes and the whole thing Why then they make a sauce and by the time the sauce was done They go in the tub they get you drain and they cut you into fucking pieces

And put you into little garbage bags And put you in one big garbage can that night they take you around the different neighborhoods and just dump three bags of your body in the Here I had here rest here They were doing it to fucking everybody dog. And that was this that was this thing murder. Fuck. Yeah, if you're that good at it And that's where that dude came in that crazy fucking dude the ice man. That's oh, yeah Oh, my god, the male. That's why they were the murder machine. It's a fucked up book All right, I love books. I know I'm I don't I'm Trying to read a little bit more and fucking reading a good book

You don't have to go back like every time and read pages over again to remember one or two pages You know our comprehensive Michael is never my comprehension was never that good in school. I always done everything three times Imagine now what you do is you go for quality Three four pages at a time. Show the fucking thing before you start thinking of your girlfriend in high school. I used to finger That's the thing. I'm going to find my dry cleaners. I gotta go. Yeah, I gotta go to Vermont this week I got no ticket sold. They want me to for you know, that's what happens when you read on our age That's what I'm trying to clear my mind. I'll be 40 this year young still but there's so much on your mind those days of Though I couldn't wait to go to play

And take your fucking sneakers off. Yeah Take a book out and go. I got four hours 14 minutes Nobody's in the call I don't really give a fuck about an audition on email can't do nothing up in fucking Yeah, the sky you get it done And you read 50 good pages of a book and all of a sudden you put a notebook next to you And while you're reading you'll think of jokes Maybe a new segue. Yeah, something like that amazing because of your exercise and your coping, you know

Yep, so I'm gonna have people on and do books that I haven't read. I'm looking forward to it What's your list of books that you're interested in reading? I mean, there are there are his Like great gatsby. I've ones that like everyone's read Books like that, but then like science fiction books. I'm not really into that I want to have some people do that some science fiction stuff Autobiographies of people. I don't know Doesn't really matter as long as someone is Into the book. Lam's another one of my favorites. Really?

Kujo, I read in prison tremendous when I first read kujo in prison I couldn't sleep for like three nights. I was addicted. What's that about kujo, steven came about the dog The fuck oh, he had a dog one crazy shit, you know crazy how he Fox with your mind that dude. Yeah, it's always that's always a finger in the air Uh Silence of lambs is something that is a masterpiece Because I watched the movie 20 fucking times plus And I've read the book five times six times. That's the only book ever

That's exactly like the movie fuck That's just a lot of interesting shit out there. Yeah all those years on the road When you come down from blown you gotta get your mind back in shape I would go to those borders books this way before fucking you to read online and shit I dropped 100 bucks in books Six or seven books. Yeah, I never did that. I gotta do that a biography Mobster one

I haven't read since school. Yeah, since I was like I Told me I had to read this exactly and I I I got through an entire British You okay? Yeah, no an entire British literature course without reading a book The class was all discussion. So I would I would just talk about discussion. I ended up being like a b-plus in the class But they're like 600 page books I still have them, but I haven't had the I've never even opened one of them I also want to thank our boy for the

Boy, he gave you a Bob LaLingus. Oh my god. Yes. Bob LaLingus gave me a 700 fucking page book What is it about three lives of jimmy page? Oh really? Are you into it? I'm tremendously into it. What part are you into now? I'm part of no, no, no Am I into it? No, I need three fucking three in the hour flights. Yeah, I got them. Yep. I got them I said, I mean, it's this fucking thick. I don't even think I'll go to security It's this fucking thick though. That's gonna be fun. Yeah, and every day I look past it I read the inside cover and I go wow, I can't wait. This is gonna be fucking crazy, man But you know, it's not like the old days. I've been you know, I was in Miami two weeks of the shot

There's no show No one day Tuesday. What do you think you do? You put the tv on medium. You put cnn And you read. Yeah, you can smoke dope on the balcony. You eat little Cuban food We got this week. I'm gonna see the phoenix. How much more you traveling phoenix then the weekend after I'm in Denver at the comedy works downtown Then the weekend after charlotte at the comedy zone and then I'm taking a little while off Those are like the three hitters club boom boom boom. I'm doing them the next three weeks I don't know how how have you now you've drank like six waters. I have to pee so bad. I drank three

Who do you think you're dealing with? It's unbelievable. I'm Cuban marine train There was a time I listen one time I had an ounce of coke I was paranoid to go to the bathroom and let the dog out. Everybody got trained that weekend You hold it in like a soldier. Jesus. I have to fucking piss so bad. I'm like a fucking shark You want to go in there when I read the ads and you come back? I just want to talk about what's going on with comedy real quick Sure, you're shooting a special soon. What's going on with you? I mean, I'm on the road right now. You're funny, motherfucker I love you. I love you, buddy I love what you did. I saw you as a young kid

You had your doubts and also bam You got on that show and you're on the league and you're fucking standing next to people who matter and It's not how many people you shoot until you shoot. That's right, buddy You're one of us. I love you. We'll find it for a long time. Go pee. Thank you for having me. I'll read this So you're at the phoenix Stand up live this weekend. Stand up live in phoenix. Thursday, friday, saturday Yeah, there's day one show too. No, you're like me. Yeah, no show sunday. Superfall too. Yeah, you're gonna sit there like i'm I'm a look at a fucking

Cracking jokes to a bunch of people got free tickets to the dinner. Get the fuck out of here Can I think the longest is for my gift really? Yeah, go ahead, brother So that's much really show it off because it's the most amazing gift I've gotten in a long time This is uh, I like a crystal baseball with some dirt from the game that It was david ortiz's last game at family park Oh my god

Look at this thing. Here's the camera. Oh if I drop this on the thing, I kill myself Here we go It's just it's the most amazing gift. Thank you so much I'm gonna write you a thank you note, but thank you don't worry about that. I'm gonna send him a little thing I have to send another thank you. No, let me talk to you guys about something late. What do you think about your watch? I love my mbm t watch man. It's it's uh, I have the black on black one. First of all, it looks great That's the first thing that matters Not not only does it look great, but it's also lightweight doesn't get in the way when i'm working. I love this watch

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Steve my little brother rena zeezy Uncle joey coming on the show tonight and rocking this out. He's gonna be in phoenix Don't forget you fucking savages. I'll be at the nashville zany's Thursday eight o'clock. That's all you need to know one of my all-time favorites It's taking me like two years to go back We're going deep this weekend. So do whatever you need to do Get there. I don't know if i'm doing charlotte. I don't know if i'm doing to atlanta I got so many weeks and I got to focus on different things. You understand me

Thank you grab me on you can check out the podcast next week if you're uh On the february 7th all thing uh coming out all things comedy Hear me this book with Steve rena zeezy. Thank you uncle joey. This is the last listen man go listen to his podcast You're gonna love it. He's a great kid This isn't a very interesting fucking concept What the fuck take a chance columbus. Did what else you're gonna do in an hour and a half Sit there and dream some damn gonna do a podcast go fuck yourself. I want to thank helix sleep. I want to thank uh Uh

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So it's promo code church ch u r ch all right. Listen. Have a great day. We'll talk to you in two days We had a great night with steve rena zeezy Go watch him in phoenix or not. I'll see you in Nashville cocksucker Lisa yeah, who loves you more than me. No, but that's right cocksuckers. Have a great day Stay black and beautiful If I want to say To you Oh

Oh That poison I said you love me but it seems you don't care I can never love you Who broke my heart you did you did go to the target You think you're smart Right from the start when you knew we would Shoot that poison arrow to my heart shoot that poison arrow Shoot that poison arrow to my heart shoot that poison arrow

Oh Shoot that poison arrow