Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #454 - Ralphie May

Episode Date: February 9, 2017

Ralphie May, Comedian, who has multiple specials on Netflix and NBC, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. Ralphie also has a residency at Harrah's Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. This podcast is brought to you by: Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order of portable devices that spray your butt with water.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 02/08/2017.
  

It's going to be a good day. The Church of What's Happening Now is presented by Onit. The days are back. The Church of What's Happening Now is proud to introduce you to hellotushy.com. Hellotushy.com makes portable devices that spray your butt clean with water. Go to hellotushy.com slash church right now to get 10% off. That's hellotushy.com slash church. Oh, shit.

Here we go, cock-suckers. This is Donald Trump's favorite song. What? Come on. What? This is what he hears in the White House every night. This is what the Obama's left from. What?

Here you go, cock-suckers. The Church of What's Happening Now, Wednesday, February 8th. Who's better than you? Kick that horse, Lee. Come on, come on. Oh, shit. And you thought this was just a podcast, huh? This is a fucking party wagon.

Here we go, black people jump up and down. Come on, black people. Mexicans jump up and down. Let's go, Spitz. Armenians do your thing. Oh, everywhere for jungle. Wiggle, cock-suckers, wiggle. Here we go, the intensity.

Oh, shit. There's a white chick suck black thick in the 70s. Fuck, yeah. Oh, here we go. Hey. Samakosa. Lee Syed. Ralphie May.

Oh, shit. And Uncle Joey. My daily, what the fuck? What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here, the Church of What's Happening Now. It's a beautiful motherfucking night. I'm happy you get to join us. Lee Syed's here.

And yes, again, my brother, Mr. Ralphie May. Hi, everybody. If he's in town, we bump motherfuckers to Ralphie May. I had to tell somebody today something happened. The fucking studio burned down. I'll call you next week. When do I give a fuck? Somehow I'm sure I got blamed.

Oh, you always get the blame. I always told Lee. The flying juice right under the bus. He put water on the computer. He gave people over there and shit. I'm sorry about the periscope this morning. What happened was this. Let me explain to you what the hell I lived it.

Joe Rogan's my brother. I love him to death, but he gets a lot of creepy fucking people that listen to him. And the creepy people, when they can't get through the hymn, they start going down the line. So they go to Duncan. When Duncan tells him to fuck off, they go to Ari. When Ari tells him to fuck off, they'll come to me.

When I tell him to fuck off, they'll go to Brian. When Brian tells him to fuck off, they'll go to Tony Hinchcliffe. When Tony Hinchcliffe, they'll go to Saratiana. And it's on and onward and onward. So this started two, three weeks ago in Cleveland. I had a flying early the night before, right? I get there and my fucking sleep apnea machine breaks. At six o'clock at night, I got to get a new fucking while.

So where they going to panic more? I got radio on Thursday morning. I got to be alert. I can't. I'm not going to go to fucking sleep. So let me not deal with this. Let me get something to eat with these dudes from L.A. that wanted to play with me, that I know them.

And I'll come back and I'll deal with this shit. I'll figure it out. I'll Scotch tape it. I'll do something, you know? Right. I go, I eat with these two guys. It's cold out there. They walk me back into the hotel.

You know the whole town of Cleveland where you stay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right down the corner from... I walk in and there's these two people there. I don't think about nothing. You know, I just see two people there. That's who my job is. I'm talking to these two guys and all of a sudden they're looking over at us.

And they keep looking and looking and looking. And as soon as... And I try to... I go, they're here for a fucking picture. God damn it. I know. And next thing you know, I go real loud. I go, listen, my sleep apnea machine broke to the guys.

I go, let me go upstairs and deal with this. I turn around, the guy chases me with the girl. They come up to me like, listen, listen, listen, listen. We got your present, but it's in our car. Right away, that's not going to happen. Right. We didn't know if we'd see you and not... Well, listen, I'm not walking to no car.

You coming to the show, would you like me to leave you tickets for the show? That's nice. Yes, we would. I mean, that's how fast it was. I'm going to rush, guy. Yeah. I got to go figure out the sleep apnea fucking thing. So do you want tickets for the show?

We took a picture and while we're taking the picture, that's when he starts to shit the guy. By fucking going to fucking some country, the jungle of Amazon and doing fucking ayahuasca and all this shit that I don't even... 30-way people. I don't need to hear this shit. This is not for me. You want to take a chance, go to the Bronx and get a $3 bag of heroin.

You don't need to go all the way to fucking... But, you know, listen, before you move to LA, you see how these fucking idiots work. You're watching TV and you're trying to lose weight and you're working real hard. You're doing jumping jacks. Unless some Hollywood guy comes on and goes, I have a new revolutionary way to lose weight. We do this. These motherfuckers always got the next answer. Well, guess what?

I'm from the 70s, bitch. That was the answer. That was the answer. You motherfuckers are still living off the 70s. Every TV show, every fucking movie, you guys are living off the fucking 70s, okay? So when I see all... It's like Quailudes. Quailudes were great.

They became ecstasy. That's what happens. They become ecstasy, but it's the same cousin to the fucking Quailudes. It's the same thing that just evolved. Me, listen, you want the answer? Take a hit of acid. When my mother was dead three, four months, I think I recovered from the pain. I ate acid every fucking night.

And that breaks down whatever problem you have. You don't need to go to ayahuasca in the jungle and have a shaman around your breathing. Stinky dirty shit. All you need is a $3 hit of some good fucking window pain. You put on black Sabbath, fucking Sabbath, bloody Sabbath. The answer to your questions will come to you. I don't care if you put the Beatles' help on. The answers to your questions will come to you.

I'm telling you this as a man, because this is what I did for fucking years when I was recovering off the biggest pain you could possibly have in your fucking life. So don't fucking tell me my fucking job, okay? I'm gonna tell you in front of somebody just so you guys know, and he's gonna tell you. This November, I'm gonna be cleaning off Coke for 10 years, Ralphie. I know. 10 fucking years. Can you believe that?

Fuck yes. Did I go to get Robogaine? Did I go to Brazil? No. Did I go get hugs? Did I go to rehab? No. Did I need to go to fucking AA?

No. You know, all these people in LA go to AA to get clean. Yeah. But two weeks later, they go to a doctor and they give them a stretch of pills. Yeah. And also, they have all these symptoms, these fake fucking symptoms. Symptoms. And they're giving you pills, so you're just drugged up on pills, but you're still going

to people telling them you're on AA. Yeah. Yeah. And enough of nothing. I was there the last night. You had a great fucking run, and that was a great last night to go out on. That was a great fucking night. You had a 27 year run on fucking blow.

Yeah. But I was there at the fucking finish line, dude. I know. That mean, dude, you smoked an ounce of my fucking Mato G weed. An ounce, okay? After eating like four dinners, it was terrific food. All right? And we're laughing our butts off.

And then I bring out mushrooms. So after, after dinner fucking get you started, let the day go. Let's remember the Indians, natives. All right? And we put it right there. Don't start with the Indians. Remember what happened? I love the Indians.

Are you kidding me? Don't bring the fucking Indians up. I love them. The last time you brought Indians up, you had to do benefits. I still do. There's a kid with a tomahawk somewhere. Fuck yeah. No, I know.

I sent that kid to camp, space camp. I'm fucking, I'm helping out at natives. I'm fucking saving them. Somebody's got to do it. Anyway, listen to this garbage. I, I, we, we did, I bring out an ounce of, of fucking great mushrooms. Hawaiian ones. Have you ever had the Hawaiian ones?

I don't know. Yelp. That's him. Okay. The, the, the, the regular ones are a little bit bigger. The Hawaiians are smaller and the caps thicker. All right. And I brought out a fucking ounce of the most deadly fucking mushrooms on the planet.

Coco ate half an ounce of mushrooms. Okay. Half an ounce. Do you understand me? Why? On top of smoking. Cause it was Thanksgiving and he was goddamn thankful. All right.

He did all of that over the course of like six hours. Okay. And then went to the comedy store into the set. Alaphio Vaughn. Pow. Zoom. Straight to the moon. And the fucking lights in there were turning purple.

The whole original room was purple and I'm in there telling jokes on stage. Oh my God. I was the only one in the room. I couldn't even see the audience members. I got in my fucking car. So funny. And I got the fuck out of there, but 10 years with no drama. No.

Oh my God. I'm going to read. What's that? What's the word they use? I'm going to read. Relapse. Relapse. What the fuck are you talking about?

You make a decision. Right. You set your mind. Here's how you quit. I ain't doing that no more. I ain't doing it no more. That's it. That's how you did.

That's it guys. There were no 12 steps. There was no 12 steps. There's no lot. Coco took the escalator. There's no fucking. I ain't going to do it no more. I ain't going to do it no more.

I don't want this poor girl I'm with to find me on the floor dead. I don't want her to walk out of the bedroom and see fat little legs in the kitchen. They're turning purple because I want to do blow in front of her. I can't do it no more. And that's pretty much the fucking end of it. Dude, that was real shit, man. But it's like we had so much drama to getting high. Like I like to just roll a joint.

No, no, no. You got to roll a joint and cut a match book and put a filter. What filter are you talking about? What filter are you talking about? A match book cover? You got to be cool. Everybody wants to be fucking cool. I'm through with cool.

I didn't play that game. I'm from the didn't play the cool game. You would just fucking either you were cool or you didn't nobody teaches you. You putting on a t-shirt doesn't make you cool. No. You putting a goatee and shaming it real tight. You know, like a fucking half a fag that don't make you fucking cool. You know what I'm saying?

But it does tickle my balls. Yes, it does. Thank you. But everybody in LA wants to be cool. Hold on. I'm going to go to Mexico City. I have a doctor that does how you walk. Shut the fuck up.

Just take it. Listen. If you're not going to do a hit ass or take a $3 bag of heroin, just leave me the fuck alone. It's not my world. It's not my world. I don't even want to listen to that kind of talk. I never did.

There's a reason people are just saying about it now. It's fucking stupid. All right. No, it's it. And listen, it helps people with opiate of predictions and it helps all these type of people and shit like this. I don't know. Take it to somebody else.

All right. Yeah. I'm an old school type of fucking guy. And that's the way I'm going to go out. Lee and me have conversations every night and Lee looks at me because he knows I don't give a fuck. I don't know what you're talking about. You want an adventure?

Go to the boogie down Bronx. I'm surrounding you with 20 black guys and three Puerto Ricans. And that's an adventure right there. You don't need to make till you can tell your friends at Starbucks. I went to Brazil. Oh my God. You're so, you're so strong and valiant. Shut the fuck up.

Go fuck yourself. These are the same people that were going to go to Canada when Trump became president. Man. Fuck. It gets old, man. No shit. It gets fucking old. I come from a different fucking society of people.

Men act like men. You know, every night I turn the fucking TV on. Tonight they're protesting again. How many times am I telling you? There's no future in protesting. There's none. There's no future. People who do that.

You better learn how to bitch. They go down there to fucking with a hole in their chest. Just do drugs like I did. You don't have to mingle and to be cool. So people go, oh my God. You're marching it. Fuck you. I got better things to do with my time.

It's called life. Yeah. You're creating traffic. I know you don't like Trump, but go fuck yourself. You're fucking making traffic, you cunt. I hope you fall, get AIDS in your mouth. Fuck you. All right.

They're a bunch of dicks. Okay. I got stuck in one of that goddamn woman march. And I didn't know why they were bitching. Okay. All right. You don't like Trump. Hey, you guess what?

Maybe you should have marched your ass to the fucking voting booth. All right. Because he told you three weeks before, hey, I'm going to grab you by the pussy. And you know what? Most of America was like, I'm cool with that. That's all right. I can overlook that. Nobody likes fucking Trump.

Everybody's mad at fucking Trump. Yeah. They should have done something when they had the shot. Okay. You know what bitches mean about being a Democrat is fucking, you have until the end of the game to win the fucking game, Coco. You have until the end of fucking last play. All right.

Like fucking. Yeah. New England on Sunday. You thought it was over. No, we got over time. Now we're going to settle it. Okay. All right.

And instead. All right. These assholes, these little fucking Democrat pussies are all fucking crying. I want to recount. I want to fucking recount. I want to get to electoral college not to do this. You lose on Sunday. You don't wake up.

Nobody from the Falcons woke up on Monday and go, man, you know, everybody. I know we lost yesterday in the biggest, you know, fucking choke you could ever lose. All right. But we really wanted to win. So now if everybody just agrees that we'll just say that we won, that's cool. Right. That's cool. It's cool that we won the Super Bowl, even though New England won, but we really won.

You know what I mean? It's like fucking. I don't give a fucking referee Val Ademir Putin blew the fucking car. I don't give a shit. You fucking lost. You lost. You know what, bro? The way I look at it is they had Bernie Sanders.

They had Joe Biden. A man. You had Bernie Sanders, but you drank the fucking juice of being cool. A woman president. You just up and down like a fucking Momo that you are. You know, you fooled the country one time. I'm not saying fooled the country. But Obama was one of those weird presidencies.

It wasn't going to happen twice, bro. You know, the who said it best, we won't get fooled again. Yeah. We won't get fooled again, but the fucking smoke and mirrors and the Priuses and the, you know, I know people who were buying clothes to go to Hillary Party Clinton parties. Oh yeah. On the West side. Like that's how fucking embarrassing it got.

Like they had to sit there and watch that fucking teleprompter. You know, me, I don't give a fucking, I think we were doing a podcast. Yeah, we were. Yeah. With a tutorial. With a tutorial. Yeah. We were doing a fucking podcast.

Oh man. It was a little nicky. Yeah. We didn't give a fuck. Oh man. You didn't give a fucking two dicks about nothing, man. You know, if you know how hard we've worked in our lives and what we went through, there wasn't a president there to help us.

None. Not one fucking time. None. Not one time. I love Obama. He never gave me a fucking class of high state. Not one of them. When I was fucking, I still remember when I got thrown out of the benders.

It was a day fucking Reagan got shot. Yeah. When he was laying there on the floor, he goes, hold on Joey, I got a place for you to move to. Yeah. Fuck no. Reagan didn't fucking reach out. Fuck no, man.

In fact, that's why I learned about bureaucracy, was when my mother died. That's when I really learned what this country's all about. We're going to give you your money, but you got to do 82 papers. By the time, it's like what they do to you now when you call Sprint. Yeah. To tell them that you have a bill problem. They put you on hold so long, you just hang up and pay the $40. Yeah, it's for $40.

My time is worth, you know what I'm saying? But bureaucracy, when my mother died, I had to go down there, I had to go down every other week. Oh, you have to bring the mortgage from now. I'm fucking 16. Who's got the mortgage book from the fucking house? Yeah. My mother's dead.

What mortgage book? Every week, it was like more and more shit. And I was taking a bus out to Newark. Sometimes I get a ride, but most of the times I take a bus at three o'clock in the afternoon and come back at seven, eight o'clock at night. I learned about bureaucracy and our government the hard fucking way. Yeah. If you need something, I got to fill out paperwork and more paperwork and come back three weeks

from Thursday. You know, it's like you get hurt on the job. Takes you three weeks for your disability to kick in. Most American families. They can't wait three weeks. Don't have fucking three weeks. No, not at all. They ain't got fucking three weeks.

Don't have fucking three weeks. Everything's a fucking by the way. Everything. That's why, smoke your weed. That's why I took the place at Harris. I got offered a bigger place that would have to charge more for tickets. And, and, and I said, no, my fans can't do that and I won't do that to them. Okay.

You want to fucking go pay $120 and laugh at fucking sock jokes from Jay Seinfeld. Hey, there it is. If you want $35 me banging you in the face and talking about teabagging bitches. I got you covered. I'll give you way more fucking laughs than he will. If you want to spend that money, it's there, but man, my fans are coming from everywhere, dude. Dude, the church people, you guys are fucking showing up like nobody's business.

They're savages. They're savages. They drive. Like nobody's business. They make the drive of weed. They get vicarins. Dude, dude. They go.

They go. And, and they're coming out. And, and because of all the love you show me in my first two weeks, church, we're going to do a giveaway. All right. Where we, I'll be talking to Lee. Let's fucking get all you fucking, the real deal motherfuckers. Okay.

All right. They, and, and we, and you fucking went, you start tweeting about me and mad flavor and the flying Jew. Tammy, Tammy's the official winner. She's the first one. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. She's already, she's already fucking done. She's good to go. Yeah. She's, she's good. She's good. She's one.

That's no problem. She's just cultivating. He hasn't even gone to the show. Well, noble D. I'm bringing. Okay. So I'm bringing Darren. From Denver.

Yeah. From Colorado. So I got that party going. All right. I'm going to bring George out under the auspices that it might be a sports show. Of course. George from fucking Georgia. No, he ain't going nowhere.

He ain't going nowhere. Right. I know. He's got a girl. He's got this little thing. He ain't got nowhere. He ain't got nowhere. He ain't got nowhere.

He ain't got nowhere. He ain't got nowhere. He ain't got nowhere. What? How can you not go there? The chicken franchise pizza. Yeah. It's okay.

Did you guys see what Y'all Romero put up today? It. I must have laughed for ten minutes. I laughed. I laughed my ass. What is it? What is it? So is Bisping fighting him or not?

That I think it's the next fight. I don't know if it's fully been announced yet, but I guess it's I guess it's. I guess it's podcast tomorrow night. Oh, uh, and then go. Bisping. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And I love, and I know you love Bisping.

I love my guy. I love Bisping too, but just. Like that. Love trash talk so just he made a go fund me page for his his future medical bills, and who I have nothing against Mike. I like Mike, but it's just it's just funny It's so fucking funny that MMA is getting fucking funnier and fucking funnier my fucking Irish brother Conor McGregor suck my big Irish balls. Oh Crying I

Like I want that on my phone. I want t-shirts. I want that everything suck my big Yeah, who knew who knew we had a church Okay, I mean you has anything been going on when I don't even know what's going on with MMA the last two weeks I haven't even seen no, I saw that today played. I said wow. That's the first time I've seen anything on MMA Yeah, that's all right. There's a fight this week. Yeah, it's Brooklyn Anderson Silva I placed money on him. Nobody even knows nothing like nobody said nobody's called. That's why I didn't know I'm like What the fuck's all I want to make man, and also I seen the fucking thing today, and I go wait a second There's a fight this weekend. Yeah, nobody's talking about this fucking fight

Brooklyn, New York I Haven't heard one fucking thing I don't know what it'd be a better fight the one in the ring and the electric gun are the ones With the people leaving okay, that's gonna be a great fight right outside. All these guys get all fucked up on It's not gonna be your typical Brooklynites. It's gonna be those tickets gonna be high. Oh, yeah They're doing it up there cuz they can charge a little more. That's that's JZ's neighborhood and shit So it's not the Brooklyn now. We left 30 years ago with the knuckleheads hitting each other and shit

It's a new civilized Brooklyn where they're probably gonna bring, you know stevia And that's drinking Nobody smokes, but usually if you got a joint at one of those things now they look at you like if you're Hitler Yeah, did you know that man? Especially in New York? I can't believe it. I grew up in New York I used to smoke everywhere in New York like yeah, let a joint now in New York People walk on the other side of the street. They look at you like you take pictures of you on their fucking phone It is crazy There's a lot of cities I go and I travel when people get mad at me. You don't periscope. Listen guys

It ain't the same It ain't the same. I know you can periscope, but I know where you can't yeah There's some places you can sit behind outside and smoke a joint I put the fucking the phone on a fence and nobody sees me there's some place They're watching you stick out like a fucking sore thumb. They're watching you man. What's the matter Lee? Nothing's a matter. You're really going through changes. I started the sweats starting. Oh my god. It's a What do you mean a sweatshirt? It's just I'll be see it. I'll be trying. I don't know what it is I don't know it does it make you sweat too. I don't know what what what are you talking about Lee?

This the sugar cubes make you sweat the sugar. It's not what it's not the sugar cubes And it's not the sugar. It's what's in the motherfucking sugar cubes that makes you sweat. Oh shit. Oh Shit Look at your fingers. Did they get no wavy? Not yet. The fingers aren't getting wavy, but everything. I'm gonna do your favorite My daughter she made this for me, and I'm gonna wear it. All right. I just want you to look at that every now and then It's gonna be a safe place for you. All right, Lee. Thank you. All right. If you need to look at anything You know look at that focus on the yellow. It's on the yellow. Okay. Just find me the yellow All right, I got the all right when you were a kid and people spoke about acid. What did you think? No, okay?

It's not even that I was scared of drugs or people talking about when you were 18 in high school fucking weed and Drinking and maybe some pills and I don't know. I was a nerd So maybe they were doing and I just wasn't invited, but I didn't see fun I didn't see any of this and maybe some maybe so mushrooms in Boston that I think some ecstasy ecstasy Yeah, uh ecstasy coke pills. Yeah, I didn't even see much. I didn't see coke till I got out here Where'd you see coke out here the first time? Party of a guy I worked with you just and I didn't even really see it. I saw them in the room

putting and that's That's why I told you the only reason I have a Volkswagen is cuz I like this key I'd like them and it's this is the key they were using I Was like 22 or something. Oh, they're doing keybombs. Yeah. Yeah a little Volkswagen key thing and it's uh It was Pretty much. Yeah, I just like the button but uh, I think Newton, right? I'm hot Yeah, that was it was mostly just that I never really I think my introduction to like psychedelics is the podcast with like you

Were you talking about a Rogan talking about I've never Even dreamed of it. Let me tell you at 12. We were we were fucking doing mushrooms Oh, my god every weekend every weekend in Clarksville, Arkansas. All right, Boy Scout camp didn't fucking matter Fucking anything camping deer hunting. Fuck didn't matter fucking shrooms were on the menu Everywhere everywhere everywhere Everybody a car cow pastures Everybody you just go pick came from drives. They don't get milled out. All right and and do you're done Okay, and then we get then there was like the creepy guys who were like over the 21

Who are always trying to fuck our high school girls who had parties like the red cup party? Bonfires and that's when I first smoked a joint was there at that party my buddy, uh, Joel Joe god damn it. I forget Joe was cool motherfucker. He had long hair hippie motherfucker. Dad was a Vietnam vet Joe penny. I knew I'd get it Joe penny rolling and rolling fucking pinners That's where I thought that that name came from the little pinner joints was from Joe penny because he wrote little joints All right, and he saw me because I that guy that guy wouldn't he thought I didn't pay for my red cup And I'm like you dumb I was a wise ass. I was like you fucking dumb fuck Like I'm just walking around the woods with a big red cup and who I just happened to fucking bump into you

You fucking dummy. All right, and he wouldn't fucking give me any beer and fucking cocksucker So Joe saw it and then when we were leaving by the way, I smoked I thought He was like this is marijuana. Is it gonna kill me? He's like no and he was right cocoa. He was fucking right Jack I smoked five joints that night of that Mexican dirt weed Okay, we even played that game where you where you load up one joint with a big ass seed And everybody takes a joint. We all power smoke until the seed blows up blows her face That's a greatest weed game. Nobody can play it now because there's no fucking seeds of seeds in the weed

all right, and uh, uh, we did mushrooms that and uh, and you'd always save up your money for uh, For wine cooters so you could try to finger bang girls All right, that was our fucking move Finger banging the chicks with the bottle bottles and james mountain berry was the You are getting slightly Oh, it's open that door for him, please. He's gonna have a heart. Oh my god. You're right. Oh, yeah, I'm fine for now I'm just you having a panic attack too. So breathe out of your nose, Lee I'm not having a panic attack. Why are you on the twitter right there? Hey, because I'm not on mine. I put it on to uh, um

Put it on It had me to the to the full thing so people can see this About the church because I didn't know the church's twitter handle. All right, and and ben before you get too fucked up Uh text Aaron to to re's send it out. Okay. Yeah out the ass I want everybody to know because I want all my fans If you ain't down with the church, you need to be okay. All right And that's that's number one. All right, you got to get down with the church All right, and number two, I want I want everybody to have more chances to win a free vacation

Uh to come to fucking las vegas navada jack All right, and we'll have a fucking blast I like it. I like it. I was anxiety. You're right. Oh, it's uh Just breathe out of your nose. Keep another cheapo chew drink. No, it really hasn't started kicking in yet It really hasn't so what are you sweating from because it that's the part that's the anxiety you're you thinking about it I'm not thinking about it. No, I could see it in your face. I could see it too. He's right. I'm not thinking about it I'm not thinking it's just I just what your face is so fucking red shut. Yeah, you're not thinking about it You're thinking about it. You sit there and you fucking boil in it until you know

Yeah, that's why you get bad chips to I really I swear this last time you looked at the yellow You look at the yellow. Look at the yellow on the fucking yellow. All right, don't Look at the fucking yellow. Look at the yellow. There you go. All right. Good man. His little sugar night. I know tonight He's all right. He's gonna be all right. How's every shirt I have a sugar night shirt because come on That's your street name. Sugar white. Okay. He's sugar white. He's bad. He's bad So, who else is on this trip over there on friday, man? Um, um, no, no, dude. I think I'm the first one to have uh, George Wallace isn't in Vegas. George Wallace isn't there anymore They've got that piece of shit

Vinny favorito Is got some uh, the oil lanes or something. I don't even know where he is Fucking piece of shit ass is that guy's the worst Fucking human ever to get by in a microphone and call himself a comedian I hope he gets three types of cancer in his ass and his mouth not the fast kind the slow kind So they think it could cure it. All right. He's a fucking pestilence on fucking humanity I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I get I get overheated about that Vinny favorito. It's a piece of shit. All right He paid his dues. He paid his fucking. He did his time. He didn't pay his budget

He didn't pay his fucking bookies. I'll tell you that fucking guy welches on bets, too That you didn't fucking and people are taking action for him still you dumb fucks. Okay. How about ask all those boston comics? You got fucked out all that money. He fucked them off with all right He's a teacher comedy class dumb suckers. They should have known and you either have it or you don't you don't go to class You don't go to focus on the yellow focus on the yellow He's rather than everything now. He sees it now you see it, right? I can feel a cut. I'm not freaking out though. I can feel a kick. It's definitely kicking in. I like it I like us. I'm not like it's just I sweat. I'm fucking yellow

Yellow just yellow baby. Just yellow baby about yellow. That's all I'm thinking about the colors Just yellow. All right. That's it. I like yellow. You know, it's my favorite color stay in the middle stay in the zone, baby Oh, okay. We're it's funny that when I got into comedy Especially when I came out of here. I go. How long is it gonna take? For me to fuck up like how long is it gonna take for me to Hit somebody with a chair or a fucking Rob one of these comedy clubs, you know Because you could just sit there and look at 10 000 for so long for so long before you have to smack a little fucking

My mommy if it was anybody else's wedding. Oh, oh, you know, it's it's like If they only know if they only know You know, it's like it's like it's so crazy how you we sit in we fuck around And you crack jokes, but how sad is it that like Keith Richards. I'll live fucking Whitney Houston. Oh, yeah, like like Ozzy Osbourne's out living everybody And he's still doing blowing pills She's tried to dump him two months ago because he was still getting fucking high and fucking the hairdresser How old is this guy?

They don't stop what people don't realize is I just figured this out too me and my Tour manager Ben, we were talking about this. How the fuck can Ozzy you not understand a goddamn word he says But but sings like a fucking bird. How the fuck did that ever happen? Lou Graham, there's the English people. That's what they do. They're fucking bad at the bone check I'm sorry. I'll cut you off. No, no, no. I'm just thinking about how these people, you know I sit here. I go, how the fuck did I live Whitney Houston? Like especially during the Martell cartel day. Yeah, and I always felt bad like

I I never knew When the trust was gonna end like I never knew at what point I didn't know if it was gonna be being on the road of mark babbitt one day You know like and him being no, no, no because when I heard he's lost all his teeth Yeah, when I first moved here he used to uh book these shows with carlos and and uh Uh When what's his name was still very hot. What's the mexican guy?

You know the paul rodriguez and he was booking and george lopez. Yeah, george lopez. I mean that was Mark babbitt mark babbitt was driving back to texas With 30 40 g in cash Yeah, because he was like he would take the money from the safe at the lab stop And use it to finance his tours She was at a millionaire. She's somewhere

Is she still alive? No, no, no, he he bought it. I mean he didn't buy it. He didn't buy it. It was hers It was it was an old lady who was no, no, no, you're thinking of Austin of the austin woman, right? What was the name of the lady in boston because pete was a step son or something? Yeah, yeah, right and um, uh, she was uh, she owned a bunch of country bars But she just thought it was a good manager and she bought it. She bought it from um, uh, the uh, uh, sandy marcus Okay, and sandy and her husbands are the ones who started the lab stop And then sandy sold it when she wanted to get out to this, uh, lady Who was a multi multi million or probably worth probably a hundred and 150 million dollars more because she owned

Like the men's club. She owned the biggest country bars She had a majority of thinking gillies when gillies was hot and fucking the urban cowboy This this woman had so much fucking money and this was just one of her things And she liked comedy, but she wouldn't even come in and that's how she got pete in there But before pete man with three hands mark babbitt was taking money out of that place So he was taking the money out of the bank and then he was pulling what I was doing as a kid You borrowed 25 grand on friday as long as you have it back monday before the bank opens You didn't back 30 grand

Like I said, I had a friend who worked at a bank in the early 80s That was the deal friday at three monday at nine you better have my money to put back in that fucking bank vault But i'm getting five grand off the top and he did it every fucking week this kid Yeah, but he could never be light on a monday. He only Wow You couldn't even do that now. No, no fucking way. No fucking way. You can do that now. Let me tell you how good they had it wired This kid that i'm talking about in particular

I knew i grew up with him and one time when my mom died He worked at a bank And I was telling his younger brother. I got these checks. I got this credit card. He goes talking to my brother Talking to my brother. So I called the brother. I met him I gave him the two checks the credit cards. He calls me two days later Meet me at nix So it's a you know, my mother had just died They had just shot john lennon

Oh, wow It was just a week when they shot john lennon like they shot john lennon on the monday night football During monday night football. I picked up that envelope on tuesday Like I gave him those checks on saturday. Yeah, and the next day when I was in school His brother came up to me and said call my brother. He wants to talk to you about something I called him up. He goes meet me up at nix eight o'clock. I went up there. He gave me an envelope that was four inches deep All fucking bills were hundred dollars. My mom was dead, but Well, let's take care of our things for a while

forever forever I got I got that money and I put under my I moved in with this family and I moved on and I put the money under my underwear And they would never fucking know I would just It was like a it was like a real atm machine Like I hid my jeans on top of it Yeah, and I would just dip my hand under and take a hundred dollar bill and go out at night Wow, that's how spoiled I was like that at that point. He never thought about saving any of it. Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah, I thought about saving it Yeah, investing good Yeah, I was 17 years old. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna invest in what? Getting them blowjob from fucking that girl Gabby that's what I'm gonna invest in Lee. There's no investments leave You took that you took that to the bar and you invested it you you would hear something for fucked up league Is that is that not only did he just say oh, that was fine. He was still working All right

Him and his buddies they would they would drop out of trees on unsuspecting gay guys and beat them like gorillas till one That's correct. They weren't unsuspecting gay guys. They were Perverts perverts and pedophiles do not know What they wanted to do you Listen man, those guys would drop out of the fucking trees like gorillas You want me to tell you something my friend just went to my friend just went to my friend just went to the mayor's To my buddy's ball. Yeah, he's done My friend just went to my buddy's ball on friday veniri

Yeah, had his first ball on friday 175 dollars a ticket. Oh, wow. Why does he have a ball like for his like because he's a commission Oh, he's an assemblyman. I love it and uh, he told me that the guy we used for bait as kids was there They go how does he look he goes bro That dude has an age a fucking day. He said he's still looks like an italian model. Oh, wow We used to take this kid and the reason why we used them is because he had a connection I know that if we ever got arrested this shit would get squashed at the end Right before they really impressed charges. This kid had too much juice Right, that's the reason why I used to take him might split right 50 50 right down the middle

But all he had to do was just bait That's all he had to do was just bait. We did the fucking kicking and the pulling All right, so so explain to him. Okay, so he'd be out there and then horrible horrible dark fun time Like someday when you guys would be 50 that was a terrible horrible Fun time in my life

It was that dark and terrible like it was like if I think about it now, it was dark Like even the daytime it was dark. Like there was no sunlight in my life then And it was my my it was like my junior year It started my sophomore summer going into junior year Where you heard rumblings. There was this uh, davie thomas There's thomas family and they were the kings of it the family who owned wendy's they were the no These kids did not own wendy's And they were the first ones that's 64th street crew were the first ones that started going to

Boulevard east and then the word started getting out. You can make some money If you know how people drive lift now. Oh, yeah, that's how it was then There's some money going on the Boulevard east that night. Oh my god. Like that's how fucking it was sewn well spare change You know, it's crazy when I read when I read the iceman's book When I read the iceman's book, yeah, my god, the iceman used to live in west new york new jersey And he said that in the 60s. He would just kill people for practice on Boulevard east

Get the book get the fucking book He goes, I can't he goes. I really couldn't give an actual account how many people I killed Because there was three years. I was just practicing He goes, I go to a bar on the west side Yeah, and tell a guy I was gay or whatever and he'd follow me to jersey and I kill him on the jersey side He goes just for practice Just to practice control tactics. Oh my god. This guy was the real fucking deal. Why do you read this book? This book sounds like a terrible. No, it's fascinating. It was very fascinating

Well, let me tell you something. Why do you look at tigers in dessert when the iceman popped up 10 15 years ago? Like people called you the next day. Yeah, it was fucking disturbing. Yeah It was disturbing like even the first time I was I'm like because you live near him or just no, no, no, no It was disturbing that I always thought that you kick somebody in the stomach and you had some fun and you call them a cocksucker This guy had it to This guy had it to a complete different level. What was he doing? He was a hit man that I forget the whole fucking story. He was working on a porno thing

Yeah, he was he was editing he was making films that's right editing films editing films and the guy wouldn't pay him and uh, and uh, he fucking whacked him And then and he liked his brother raped the 12 year old girl Oh my god, and then he threw the girl off the roof. I mean the whole family's rotten. Oh my god The family was rotten to the core When I when you read the book there's times you're reading the book and you have to shut the book and go Why am I reading this? Oh my god. His first wife dumped him and he cut the nipples off Yeah, I remember you told me that story he cut the nipples off and he used to he used to live right there

Where the coat factory when we were kids that was it we went behind the coat If you go to the coat factory till they vacuum it you're gonna find rocks of coke from the 80s until I I wish I was kidding. It was every night You knew that if you were gonna come over and you wanted to get coke and you was coming from the city Go to the coat factory. There'd be four cars there And somebody in that car had blow some behind a tree Behind the dumpster somewhere in this area. There's an ounce of fucking coke. Wow Yeah, the first interview with the ice man was very fascinating

What happened was leaf that People took that interview sucked it in and then started hearing other things and also put them together And they were all really tied together All like different stories. No all the mafia hits were tied through him Yeah, he began doing hits for one family and then he kept going to different families and Yeah, he would do hits for different captains and nobody knew what the fuck he was doing Then he got really crazy the third phase of it is he got really crazy And he started saying that he was there and every murder like when kelly got shot. I was up the corner. Yeah, right

To when uh, the guy from the fucking bananas got shot at joe mary's Restaurant in brooklyn and that's he says he had one of the tables that he was one of the backup shooters If the original shooters fucked up, that's a lie. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that was an inner family thing They weren't gonna get a fucking pollock To step in on that one. There was just a lot of things he claimed But at the end he said something that I've said on here, you know, all these people like conspiracies You know, like every last week Eddie Broad was my dog. He loves conspiracy. He's another one for you He on his last thing said that he shot a cop

In westwood, new jersey or something. What's the fucking thing on hbr? It's on youtube It's got to be on youtube all three of them on youtube But he tells a story on there very nonchalantly About that he got a killer cop Paul peter something and he shot the guy and he goes who gave it the other time in the booger ron Right there. There was a fed watching that And part of the fucking witness relocation thing is that you've never shot a cop Or ever contracted a murder on a cop and they're a statement. They read through the statement sammy never

contacted that hit Do you follow what's saying to you like they they figured out that sammy never told them by this point They had so many people coming in telling their stories and they were throwing them out because they were going You're a liar sammy told us something different But one day they figured out after eight people came in He was lying to us. Yeah This motherfucker put them, you know sammy was genius because he turned himself in first So they're gonna believe his story before anybody and he knew the nuts and bolts

He wasn't no henry hill faker. He knew the nuts and bolts of what was going on So when he went in there, they bought his story hook line and sinker They got so blind. They didn't even care what he told them. They just wanted john gotty Yeah, they got so blinded by getting john gotty that they took whatever. Oh, you killed 24 people. No worry about Oh my god, 24 was when he killed the one year. Yeah, you know, well, he was responsible for the one fucking year Jesus christ, so they put it all together and they because of that documentary on hbo gravano was already in jail for the ecstasy with the fucking Neo nazis and phoenix they picked them up

And they put him under the fucking jail in denver But he's at the super max at the super max, but here's the beauty of it. Yeah Dice man died mysteriously in his jail cell a week later. Yeah You know people like conspiracies there you go cocksuckers take that to the moon. Yeah, right take that to the fucking moon and back I love it. I love it. Well, how you feeling buddy. I'm at the moon. This yellow thing is helping though How did you know that would help no because it's a calming effect. It's a common effect of the yellow You're from the generation. Yeah, but like french poodles But you're also talking to guys who've done acid like a lot

Okay, and you got to have focus and some 10 years that yellow won't do dick for you. No, you'll throw that in my face You know what i'm saying, but now but now tonight you'll need that yellow Yeah, you're helping it. Yeah, man. We're not even trying the lights off For the rest of the podcast and just talk to each other with a candle Doesn't sound fun Just come up with stuff on acid We come up with stuff even without acid. Oh my god. We your little head is shiny Oh my god, I just I'm not this I can't stop sweating. I can feel the heat

See, this is this is the and I'm not like last time Monday this I was freaking out at this point. This is now like I'm still a little nervous We love the chibichu. Okay, dad He's like, okay It helps it helps with that It's just burning straight through it. What do you have tomorrow my son? Uh, nothing now. Nothing now. Nothing now Okay, I'm about to kill it. Look, we're powered by chibichu. Chibichu's transmission fluid

Lee, we're done. We're done. That's it. We can't keep doing this to ourselves, Lee That's what you keep saying, but then next time Monday, we'll be back here fucking 18 jobs coming To have a new setup. I'll be I'll be happy. We lost that strip of acid We've been loot. We lost that for six months A sheet of acid the sheet. Oh my god That's the shit. That's the shit that goes all the way back to london that acid Kid who gave me that it was a chip chip chalio, dude. That's the shit that pink floyd took when he quit the band That's the shit. That's that's the cousin to the acid. Yeah take a piece of paper home

Will you give it to the hotel manager? I come in tonight With talking about the acid talking about the acid I look on the shelf the acid's been on that shelf right there for the last six months. See people. I don't steal it Stick it. I thought he clipped it so we didn't have to do it See if I was smart enough, I would have done that and I wouldn't have let you find it I thought he clipped and sold it on ebay and some fucking. Oh my god. I should have How you doing, Lee? Can you open it for me?

I knew you needed help I'm surprised, Lee, we even eat those. That was the beginning of Lee's downfall. Oh my god. Yeah, Lee was a great kid Until Cheeba Chees Cheeba Chees and those cookies. Oh, they're so kind. Yeah, they're so kind cookies. I don't think they're I don't even don't make those no more. Do they oh, they don't come up here. Maybe so kind still on they just don't come up here Cheeba chees everywhere though, man, and it is fucking good And I like this fucking having a hard time with this too. And I just Do you think it was cheeba chees? We don't do that 180 millimeters. Nothing. Nothing

Probably is I got it. We don't do nothing with 180. Cheeba Chees is still a great product. I miss him. I missed eating that one. It was delicious Delicious. It's like a fucking tootsie roll, but 200 milligrams. Fuck it. You know, we need five of those today. Me and Lee You know what they should look like Look at Lee's getting sick already and stuff. You're right, Lee. I'm fine. No, but I'm gonna eat that. So yeah You're not gonna eat it. No, give me one. Like give me. I will eat but just give me one Fuck yourself, Lee. You made me open it. You're eating it. I'm gonna eat it You don't want me to puke on you so give me one

No, I don't want you to puke on me motherfucker. You better not be puking. I got spare t-shirts here tonight. We got spare Yeah, like you got spare t-shirts for me, but the fucking don't fuck yourself Great. I'll use one of those size fucking medium to wipe my titty fucking dry. I put two strings around those pillows and shit Like one of those guys from the 50s and shit circus is in town tonight. You have a little billboard and shit Fuck it. I'll take you to the car every time I come here. I gotta tell you this the other day I was I turned on my tv and and And I got this new fucking cable in Nashville where you just I call it stevie tv It's like from Xfinity

But you just hold on to it and you say it and I go out loud. Josie Wells Boom out loud. Josie Wells Anytime I fucking want it Boom for free. All right, listen to me When he's talking to fucking 10 bears and he's talking about that's the most Okay, go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself these people today. All right, you kevin costner's and all these assholes Go fuck yourself. You want to take acting school? It's too much drama for what they do It's fucking amazing to what it's the people now make a big deal about

And they never gave Clarice with any credit. No, you watch that scene a whole Holy Shit when he's talking about 10 bears and about about they're fucking, you know His mark on they and we'll jerk beef every spring and fucked in man Motherfucker talk about let's I'm listen. I want to be an actor if it's on I have it on for 10 or 15 or 20 minutes I can't I can't tell you how far Josie Wells comes on It stays on till I gotta make a move. Yeah 20 minutes dirty Right, right, but the last three weeks the part's been coming on

My all-time favorite with the kids bleeding. Oh, yeah And he goes like give him the bucket Give him the bucket or is the bucket over there Give me bucket. He's starting to see the devil touch the rope yellow yellow yellow You ain't the cheap at you. I'm trying to right now. That's what I'm doing. Oh, that's why you're getting sick Yeah, oh my god drink the water quickly. Let's go come on We got a podcast 10 years. He's still fucking drugs. You can truck with him. I was trying to eat in silence and No, there's never no silence for you. There's always gonna be a noise. There's always a grunt. There's always a

Stop giving me all those fucking drugs then. Oh, yeah You're the only guy who complained about that. I'm complaining at all. I'm having fucking fun Don't give me all those free drugs He loves it. He loves it. I'm having a great time There's nothing complain about I'm telling you my daughter's my daughter made that yellows helping in it. It's helping a lot. It's helping a lot Whenever I see that fucking scene I always I always watch listen whenever

Lately I've been catching the other scene now I go for a stretch like in three months where every time I turn it on It's the scene right when he sees The young bucks and then he goes down there. Yeah, and he gives him the sign of the whole thing that whole fucking spiel Like I said, that's deadly. That's an acting class. That's it. That's that and the godfather Is all you need to watch all you need if you don't get it after that then I can't help you I cannot help you when uh, It's at the meeting

And he's talking about his son. What's yeah, I'm not a superstitious man. Yeah, all that stuff Something should happen. Listen. Well, that's stuff. That's an acting. Let's acting 101 That's as good as it fucking gets in my world. It wasn't till this moment. I knew it was Barzani the whole time Oh my god, that's so deadly. Oh, when you when you watch that you just get shivered So HBO even after 80 years the godfather still the oldest movie They still talk shit about it HBO is doing another thing about it now It just released the other day and just saw HBO. I was watching HBO and they said

New announced HBO Francis Ford Coppola HBO are teaming up again to do this The unseen foot or just a ton of shit. They're gonna do again. Wow. The movie's that fucking interesting, I guess man, I you know, I never knew when uh, when when um, uh Oh god, I'm blanking out because of those drugs. Um, when uh, they get the cannolis Okay, that he goes in and sits down and has a whole spaghetti dinner. All right. It's a he's like guys I'll be right back. I'll be right back. He goes in. All right, and he he's he sits down He's a whole huge plate of pasta

All right. All right. It was Bruno Kirby's guy and the in in one remember, okay All right, and he's a he gets the cannolis and everything and has a meatball and fucking all this shit And his guys are waiting on him like it's some big transaction. He's having fucking dinner before dinner It's hysterical He's he makes them all go that guys keep your eyes open. All right, like I'm gonna go in here and see these people He walks in it's the back of the kitchen. He takes his jacket off. He hangs it up and shit There's a little table waiting for him. He sits there. It's a fucking three course meal Meanwhile, they think the mafia is coming. They're out there with guns

Blazing he comes out 20 minutes later after a good meal, man. That was uh, that was a hectic meeting How you doing Lee you breathing heavy? Oh, yeah, the cops are coming everything. Do you think they're coming for you? No, they're not. I'm not there yet, but Why aren't you there yet? I don't know. I Need another sugar cube. No more sugar cube. No more sugar cubes, Julie. Not tonight. We do another sugar cube, Lee They're gonna find you at the fucking zoo naked Holding on to a tree and shit That would be hilarious. You gotta take a picture like that, dude. No one wants to see me naked holding

On a tree hanging down. That'd be fucking hilarious. Oh, when I listen, I went for years without doing this shit I hooked up with lee and since lee didn't know anything about this. I kept busting his balls Till sunday somebody actually brought one. Yeah to the show. That's what happened. We talked about it on here We talked about mushrooms or somebody showed up in a show with chocolate covered mushrooms Yeah, you know, it's always fucking something at those shows, you know, and I'm not gonna say no What the fuck I bring him back and me and lee experiment and we try him out I was just breaking his balls with the acid. Also, people started showing up with liquid acid And people started

I hadn't heard that acid acid parents may get a huge comeback Because they're there for like like 10 15 years acid wasn't real fucking big People scared the name of it is acid. Yeah, right. It's got such a negative fucking thing when you hear acid, you're like It's so funny. We do the same thing. Yeah. God damn. We've been friends for 20 years now. Yeah When you hear acid as a 13 or 14 year old, you're like, I'll never do that shit And all of a sudden you're at a Rolling Stone concert And you read your fucking ass and you're like fucking star me up What the fuck has happened to my life?

The two there was one particular there was one night that was horrible like Like there's coke nights and there's Pill nights and there's alcohol nights There was two acid. Oh, yeah yellows moving now. So that's not good. Yeah, that's not good. That's good It was good to them. It was good to them. It's good up until then until it starts snaking around Lesson one down Leave the snake out for me. All right. Later snake. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's good luck anyway

Just slithering around on the table At least I had I had a it was my 17th birthday party Right is my 17th birthday party and we broke into my house The one where I lived in is again. It was a monday afternoon We walked in there about two in the afternoon no heat Yeah, no electricity february 19th Heavy birthdays coming two in the afternoon. We got our jackets up in the attic We're drinking fucking beer. We could hear the mice running around because the electricity was off and the power was on

We started eating those micro dots hits the acid man We started popping we probably ate like three of them each We were gone We walked in there and the sun was out When we walked out of there, it was dark And people were tripping their balls off and I was one of them. Yeah, you're in your fucking old house, man No, no, no, no, no, no, no at that time. I didn't live in my house. Oh, yeah I broke into my house. I know I was living with the benders

Right, we went up there as a we went up there as a party But one thing I remember we were I was tripping so hard I went I went downstairs He's going through changes ladies and gentlemen I went downstairs to pee. Oh my goodness and Louis Hernandez was was puking And I pulled him by the after Louis Hernandez was the only Dominican Kenan neighborhood and but he had an afro so they called him Louis the nigger

And he would have to say a thousand times. Listen, I'm Dominican. They didn't give a fuck in 1970 Not back in the day. You're black Fucking crazy how racist it really was that these people do nothing till they don't know what they went through Louis was Dominican. They called them Louis the nigger Unbelievable to his face. Oh, man, if he still pops up in north bergen, they go, oh, look what is Louis the nigger? And you like stand there like yeah, I'm 50 years old. They're still calling me Louis the nigger I don't think I've ever heard about Louis And this is

Move to north bergen in the seventh grade. We were fucking all in seven In the seventh grade in basketball and all some god just started dropping things on us. He dropped Louis Hernandez on us I got left back and I practiced all summer. So I got good. We had david ruiz And we just had this great fucking team. I forget who all we had dominic speciale and chucky mcbreen That's how deep we were. You know, you know, that's how deep I go with chucky seventh fucking grade What we say uh, I you we talking about uh acid and and then in your old house when you

Broke in there and so that's how back I go with Louis Hernandez Louis Hernandez was puking in the toilet and I basically pulled him by the aphrodis of Louis. I'm sorry I put my dick in the corner like this And I put his head back in and I go go ahead But I left there that night And it was just John and it was the first birthday without my mom. I was cracked I was cracked and I walked into that bender house And they're like, hey, you want dinner and stuff and they don't know that i'm on fire

I'm burning on acid. They're talking to me and I see wigs on fire I see everything that they're not seeing I go right into that bed above the subway It's seven o'clock at night. I fucking go into that bedroom I like myself in there lock myself in there. I'm like, I'm not even leaving this room And the fucking phone starts right On those days people that have phones in their rooms or cell phones You had actually leave your room and come downstairs and louis uh lisa. Yeah, here's the beauty. They had a mirror Right in front of the phone and I went I'm like, hello, and I started and they're like you coming out tonight your birthday

I'm like, yeah, I'll be on the one I looked at the mirror I want some of my face to the melt in the mirror and shit And I'm like, hold on. I gotta call you but don't I'll never forget that I started tripping right there I couldn't look at anything. That's when you're like, fuck. I'm going to my room. Yeah And you just go in your room You don't even look at nothingly because everything you look at starts shifting That's where I am right now and it's just a little bit

That's what I was saying on monday It's just because I can't even close my eyes because then You close your eyes with no because then the color start moving to it doesn't There's like a 20 minute period where I'm fucked I'm in it right now. So it's just dog. I'm starting to see little dragons. I just saw a little fucking uh Thing behind your head though There was little bats the other night There was a little there was a little mop like a little thing. What do you call those?

Moth like a little tiny one And it would it was everywhere Lee was the other night Like it flew in it'll do it. Lee was tripping. Yeah for like a half hour I watched this moth just to a mentally dead. I didn't even know it was there. Remember you said I just saw a bat There was no fucking bat. It was a little moth Oh my god, there was a moth Oh, okay. I know all right and um back in houston. All right, and uh This was this was like late 90s

Uh, we did acid and mitchhead burg All right was over at the house and and there was like me and john westling and uh one other person and dude we did acid and Fucking greatest time of my life But one guy was nervous that a fucking dragon was gonna kill him. All right, and you had to tell him no There's no sense. It's dragons. They're not real. They're not even real. They're not even real. They say Dragons are not real

No, no, but pterodactyls. They were real. No, they were real. They were All right, we keep looking keep on looking. Listen. No, fuck the lake because we can't lose lead At least try to act as I'm gone. I'm going back to the first round draft pick. We can't lose lead Oh my god He just the church communion over here for the first time how you feel my tour manager been Are you loosening up a little bit? Yeah loosens you up a little. Yeah, right? You smoke a cigarette drinking water Get a feeling about it. I'm sure ben and I got the same dose. Don't wander

Don't wander no where stay where you are. Okay. Yeah. All right. He's a wonder. He's there always are the first time They don't know fucking find a couch let life come to you motherfucker. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah It's like a when we walk and took him to the chackle factory. He didn't take him on as it They got on the fucking boat and fucking just hit it. Oh, I cannot roll that Listen, bro that 170 north is close by you get lost on there. It's all over though They won't fire up those Sherman way and shit What is it about LA that causes people to run from the cops? I've never seen this. You see that black guy today It's every day here. It's every day that black guy today. Or how about the stupid fucking white guy?

There was a stupid white guy in a white minivan today They drove up on two cops said he had a gun in the car and then took him on a fucking eight mile round the world Slow chase like he's got oj in there All right, and then gets out and just and at one point a guy with a camera Yeah, I saw that walks up to him. He's like, hey, why are you why are you ready for the cops and the guys get the camera The guy supposedly says he's got a gun and you're fucking over there with a camera You dumb fuck and where were the cops if a fucking fat ass with a beta cam can get right there by the guy Why couldn't a cop go? Hey, you want to get the fuck out the car? All right, please

Can we just stop this? I saw that too when the when I saw the the cameraman literally he must have been following Where you throwing those cigarettes? I don't throw them over because they'll evict us The helicopter don't think it's leak. Oh, yeah, they will yeah I get blamed for everything in this in this in this city for everything in old hollywood. I'm blamed for big up we'll pick up every one of them, but uh What we're talking about. We're just talking about the the fucking people wanted to run from the cops Oh, yeah Like I just I never saw that and all everyone's faces are moving now. Um

I never saw that anywhere else in my whole life running from the cops We never ran from the cops. Fuck no, really? Not even as a kid. I haven't run from anything. Let's say you That's strongly I hate running I have short legs It's not fair. Dude. I can't even walk next to people. I can't you took it You took it from a fucking the greatest of all time. I don't run from anything I got short legs. I'm a dumpy juke. Okay, me too. I got

No, but you never got chased as a kid with spray painting Fuck no light in the fire at the park and somebody go. Hey you little bastards and you run away nothing No, I was I guess I might mean my town was super white as it is but I was like the whitest of the white in that town nobody you hung out with one of the light of fire or fucking Something like a cat on fire or nothing, but these kids weren't normal No, we didn't say cat on fire. We would set like little fires in our yards or in the in the Driveways. I don't know what about the the bullfrogs with the firecrackers. No, we didn't do that. I didn't do that Oh, man. Okay. Well, y'all ain't from the south because let me tell you what you get some of them straight from fucking teawana m80s

All right, I'm bestrapping fucking bullfrog on that motherfucker. Oh my god Boom, bitch get out the way. Are you kidding me? Those things went off. That was like a quarter stick of dynamite Oh my god. Oh my god, Lee. We have to do shows for pito's Frog just went everywhere everywhere Well, they're not in danger. Come on. We'll spread the love. All right. We're feeding the other animals Bro, you never know not in today's world They might show up with something. They might show up with something

You only million for fucking three frogs you killed. I hate frogs, dawg When I was I'm a new york city kid. Now we go down to miami And the first like the first frogs in there are fucking big bro miami those I couldn't sleep at night when I was a kid. I couldn't sleep. They're loud as shit No, no, no, no, listen. I don't want them around me. I don't want to eat them You're not gonna eat frogs Not never not even close not even by mistake Not even do I want to look at that thing when you tell me you got this car go out the table. I excuse myself

I gotta go I just want to go to snails. Fuck ranch dressing, right? Can we just say that? I mean seriously, I've been saying it for 20 years Nobody listens. I I'm okay. You never had it in my house. It was always blue cheese in my house The motherfucker fucking always blue cheese in my house. Shit. I don't respect the buffalo What? Oh my god. Thanks for buffing me. You're fucking synchronizing. Oh my god Fucking little shout out the buffalo like fuck dubs and the heart anchor bar. Hey, don't leave you're going through changes You want to put on some black Sabbath? Nope. No, I do not want to put on black Sabbath That's okay. What I'm gonna put on by side but to really take you to the next level. Oh man, great

Ashing music. Yeah, um No, no, uh Fucking uh led zeppelin You need No, no, you're scared. You're scared. Oh my god. You and deem dow rain. It's all over. No, end up in the hospital room Don't wander dog. Don't wander. This ain't a good neighbor to wander. No, no that train. They'll take you downtown It's all over one minute. You're in a protest the next minute. You're sucking dick with a drum around your head Saying free the fucking Villanova's

What's up, Lee? I'm doing good. I'm just it just hit it just hits me strong I'm enjoying it. I'm just enjoying listening to you guys talk Oh, okay I'll tell you what when you were smoking before I could smell it. Oh, yeah, I thought something was burning I'm like something's on fucking fire building. I'm like this motherfucker's out to smoke I don't like the music with it. It gets my heartbeat. My heart's going a mile a minute right now Then you need you need some you you need some red zeppelin right now Because let's up and let you go a little high and then it'll slow it down

You know and then a little high then a little low No, but they do the bass and then it's fucking get your heart going it gets me it No, it's when them drums kick in when that fucking when them horse tranquilizers fucking drums hit That's when the shit's over jack. You got to be ready. You got to be on the train or you're left at the station That's all I'm saying, right You need food Come on Well, you didn't know it was gonna be an easy night tonight. Come on lisa. This is training week

This is like shark week in the podcast business. This is like shark week in the podcast business for us We got to go into fucking that's it every week is this week. Yeah, it's not like we take an easy week But that's why people love the church because it's it's the real shit every week You never know what you're gonna get this week on the church. We're doing kill shakes and That's never gonna fucking happen It's all right now. Okay. All right. Now we have three kinds of acid. All right, let's see And listen people gonna start selling it from all over the world now About a month. We're gonna have so much acid stuck

It's all over you. You have isis acid Okay You got to take it you got to point towards mecca while you drop. They're not gonna put us under the jet We don't know nothing. Oh my god. They're gonna flavor your falafel. All right They're gonna give you that shit straight from a fucking No, have her on or whatever that is that fucking Where's your people from? Over there in israel. Come on. My people from russia. I oh you're a dirty russian. Yeah, I'm a dirty russian

Christ. Thank god. You're a jew. I wouldn't even stand near you. Oh my god. I ain't never gambling with you. Lee I love you. But if you're a russian, I can't gamble. It didn't work out for fucking Denzel It ain't gonna work out for me. You know what I'm saying We went to see john week two. I haven't seen it yet. It comes out this week, right? I don't know I think it comes out so I saw I'm happy because The guy who trains him is in it. He put him in as a cab driver. He gave him a child. Oh, so I'm happy for him How about how strong was uh, uh, uh, what was that place we used to go have breakfast on sunset? pats not pats

the place the diner That we go on on uh down the strip by the rocks. Yeah The classic one. Yeah. Yeah, and keanu would just all the time just fucking just row right in cool. Like a motherfucker. Dukes Dukes and he was always cool as shit french fries. Nice cheese omelet stop Coca-Cola if you want to be fat Lee, that's where you go to breakfast Dukes I eat the fucking and I tell them forget those home fries. Give me an order of regular fries At seven in the morning you could switch up to regular fries. Lee. Who's better than you? That's fucking awesome. I do that at denny's wait in the morning at seven in the morning

I don't really go. I mean if I get the uh, the one of the sandwiches. Yeah, I fucking I don't like hash browns Oh, god, damn Lee, I'm a southern and you're spitting in my face. Yeah, but don't like hash browns. Danny's hash browns got aids Okay, Danny's hash browns got aids. All right, but you come down and I'll put you out some hash browns Oh, I'm sure that I'll I'll bring you to Jesus. That's how I'll take you to a past Jew Right, it's our cream and he'll put fucking cheddar cheese. Oh stop Stop that motherfucker up. Oh my god. I'll turn that thing to fucking a thousand Who farted this motherfucker? It smells like an animal in here. You should've farted. It wasn't me

That candle can't even sustain it That means it came out of you Little fucker. If I'm about to get blamed for it. Bet your fucking sweet ass. It came out of Joey's ass Blame nobody. All right. All right, but you're the one who first said it's something so eventually It's gonna come to me and you're gonna fucking hit me like you did in fucking El Paso with your best shot On payback. All right. That was your birthday. That was your birthday. Yeah, it was your birthday We we were in El Paso working. We had the red devil with us giving shit to Metsia Okay, and we fucking that was 99 99 and we fucking went and saw payback

And and because me and Joey both wanted to fuck Lucy Lou And she's throwing sidekicks and had a little asian pussy just looking at you just winking That was 99 man. Oh my god, dude. That was 99 jack All right, and then and you they got quiet and joe diss You fucking let out a fart That was Tremendous as a man to a man. I gotta tell you and I've had phenomenal farts Ben's been a witness

It ricocheted off the chair In between the two lines the reverberating the actor had just said his line and right before melgibson was about to spit his line and went And everybody everybody fucking heard it like Like everybody heard it in the movie theater. I was I'm hollering because they're looking at Ralphie. Yeah, and then he's then he starts Ralphie god damn it Ralphie. Why didn't you do this and everybody's fucking looking at me? I'm like god damn it. Coco Jesus. I didn't know it was 99 now. Oh my god

Hey, we all are now. We're getting really fucking old. We all are How's that yellow tree? It's on the snake right now, so it's okay. It's not snake Oh As soon as it starts moving last 20 minutes late, I've been doing this and you're going oh my god. Oh my god Listen to me I could torture you to death on acid If you think I could torture you in regular life

What I could do you on acid. I'll have you call 9-1-1 You'll be like that dude chris heather when the cop showed up And gave his own wrist That's what we'll do You understand me I could take a mother. I could take a mother fucking real life in tormento What do you mean that you could do that's what you're doing to me On a daily basis Dragon fire

Fucking dragons hilarious hilarious. Oh my god. At least I you're so fucking funny. I don't try to be I know that's what makes you great if you tried you wouldn't be nearly as funny Holy shit Oh my god, I'm ducked up before Lee I'm surprised when I'm pulling your little forehead You can't throw a snake at somebody on acid Look at the first one That's the first one on acid

I can't fucking fight club. The first thing about acid club is you don't do snakes No snakes no fucking lizards pterodactyls Ladies and gentlemen, this is it This is the thing that This is what you did when you were 16 You dropped a hit of masculine. You went to somebody's garage. I went to the movies, you know And this is what this is it went to the movies. This is it for four or five hours. It's a constant

Gigglefest torture this poor kid. They torture me. Did your mother call my mother's dead? Why would she you know? It never ends. It never ends You know, that's what you do. I mean dog. Like I said, I'm the master of tormenting you. Oh my god. All right I'm gonna tell you this one time Lee. This is how much I got it before you got it I'm like, we need to come back Ralph. They saw it. I survived the fucking 2017. Oh my god Uh, come on anytime in town if you got me in a thousand seconds. No worries, dude This this shit was so funny Coco would drink all the juice and then we come out and go

Who fucking drank all the juice? Where the fuck is the juice and I'm like god damn cocoa. I just made some juice. I thought oh fuck I got one more can I make that juice up stir it up If I swear to god be watching a movie. Hey, Ralph. You want something from the kitchen and get a glass of water? He drank all the chug of juice. Okay, you are vitamin C. You were orange. You were trump before trump You're snotting coke. Yeah, right? You gotta get it. That's your fucking lifeline. You gotta get it when you get it Oh my god, and then you go like, oh, what the fuck? What the fuck? Who drank the orange juice? I don't know that that's this guy who drank the orange. I would blame it on everybody but me

I'm looking for lily. It's good. You're good. You're solid. I'm good. There's no purple walls We'll just shut the podcast down in 10 minutes. We'll put music on Put the purple lights on for you the whole thing. Yeah, right? We'll play the air guitar Play some cream white room. We'll play some fucking. We'll smoke some cigars this shit You know how we do it li yeah nice and easy for you if you're gonna has it Go cream What the the band cream leave alone, please don't don't don't no music. He don't want no music All right, you put music on he'll jump off the balcony and then we got to talk

No, no, nigga, you got to talk to the cops We're gonna be I like this When we in this motherfucker I'll get you out of here as fast as I did that that at dubblin's when you ate that coke rocking the fucking fridge You think I'm kidding you I would like this I would like this building on fire so all the satellites will fucking melt on the sky There won't be no footage on google maps. Nobody

Does that I was thinking about that you came if they're really looking for you. They found it. Yeah If there's a murder on 1482 smith street at 10 o'clock All they gotta do is get that google map zoop it turn it back 10 minutes. Let's see who walked in the fuck out of there It's crazy didn't it probably cost a lot of money to fucking do right off the bat, but I go I can't see they don't already have it You know they have it, you know, they've had it. What do you mean had it if we thought about it? They already have yeah, they already they're already on to the next fucking level and they don't need google earth. They have streetlight cameras and Yeah, right cameras all the businesses. They don't need google earth

We're doing it for them the camera phones. Yeah, you're camera The head of the nsa before I only I don't even do it But the head of the nsa before said we should all be putting tape over the cameras or a laptop. Oh, yeah, they watch Fuck it. I'll go over there and dance in front of them and just have the camera on for nothing They could dance and fucking tea bag it Fuck yeah, like I'll give a shit. Fuck you. No, you don't want to have that camera. You gotta tape that shit That's why listen. They know where listen you have to know everything right at this point They got everything everything they've pushed on you is consumed for you to give them a credit card. Yeah, right

You could put any credit cards any slot now within 30 seconds your whole credit history comes no it's creepy I had a I had an issue where wizard thing that pipe. Oh I had an issue where a credit card I had to change that had the numbers changed and I went to my uh gym to switch the numbers They're like, oh no the bank we already they already contacted us and switched the numbers For the automatic payment. Oh my fuck Like it's it's I guess it's okay, but it's fucking weird

It's like the bank is working against you And every supposed to be working for you. Is that what you mean? Well, not well that but it was just weird that like They were giving my information to the gym and then and then it was It's weird every time I get a card from bank of america. It's somehow magically gets stolen Every time like I don't even get it. I don't even open it. You just heard about mat and bank of america You just heard what happened. No, she's what I'm saying to you. Well, you're watching parks and rec Yeah, bank of america just gotten trouble for what they're getting trouble for fucking no as well as far as well As far as what's making they they were gave. Oh, yeah

artificial All of you the heavy open all these accounts and they charge you and you didn't even have these accounts and people were fucking And they weren't even fucking going through The uh, they were pulling some kinky shit. They were pulling kinky shit. That's shit from the fucking 80s and 70s too That's that shady shit, man. And and they just got busted on but you know what? I mean, I'm fucking I'm tired of hearing people Fuck it. If we if we can't, you know, we'll shoot a black guy who stole fucking ham sandwich Okay, but we didn't do anything to those cocksucking bankers All right, and now Trump's got them all in their cabinet. Those cocksuckers should be in jail

They're fucking bigger thieves than any of us They're bigger thieves than anybody and they just fucking stole and we just let them Motherfuckers. All right, and they call us the fucking criminals and outlaws when we smoke reefer You know what I didn't do take your grandma's fucking yum yum money. Okay. I didn't do that. All right I didn't fucking I didn't uh, I didn't make sure that you're fucking. Oh shit. Where you go, Lee Yeah, the whole walls behind you is moving now. So it's Ah I love it. Lee. Lee. You need to take a hit. Sure. I know you did

Now you think about it all your information is gone It's gone dog. It's all gone. It's all gone. It's all gone, man. It's all gone and it's sad to think I don't mean to And to you know, put anybody in a bad mood, but it's the reality. Yeah, once you type once you bought those parachutes Or you got those fucking that plane ticket online and you use your mx. That's it Yeah, they got everything when when you call the phone company when you call the airline already Their security system is so high tech That while you're talking to them with your phone number and stuff. Yeah, everything comes up Right, everything comes up. They already know what card you're gonna use

Which is so piss it pisses me off when they like they make you go through the whole system and they already know who you are Yeah, they already know. I don't know what the whole fucking I'm sorry No, man. We're we're fascinated I'm with you. I'm over here too fucking burning up. I just know how to cover it up Lisa You know I'm not seeing fucking ghosts or you know spirits and shit Take a real hit though. Lee. Come on. I'm high as fuck

I don't know for a wednesday night for some reason whenever I do this. I can't take a deep breath I'm off this week, bro. Yeah, and I always seem To forget that like I always When I go to Nashville when I go to these cities You know, when you work you work, man. Yeah, I'm a grown fucking man. I get tired those fucking early morning flights kill me You know, so when I'm fucking off I'm off Right, you know, yeah, I write jokes and I send my emails. I take care of my business

But I'm nice. I'm off. I'm not in training camp. I'm not thinking of shooting anything or tape or anything That's the most distant thing from my fucking mind. I'm off I'm just doing a podcast on a wednesday night with two fucking savages. That's it. That's it Let me give some shout outs before I forget real quick To some bad motherfuckers Hold on one second Bam there you go, I know I ain't fucked up Janika jones brandy lin I'll see you in Minneapolis in two weeks

Trapper welton gravity king many Moreno Jay unidos ukie spooky our girl. I love her ryan scott and finando Zerilla What's happening you bad motherfuckers there you go That's it. That's that well a uh Okay, good because I gotta tell him about the thing. I want to fucking forget, you know

I just want to give him some shout outs. He's a I love these guys man talking about my buddy enforcer He's paul march down in a little rock fucking is a member of the church. Okay. He's he's deep in love All right wants to give you moonshine and watch you fucking get all fucked up on that. Okay Like a paul's fucking great people um Also, I heard today from ricky cruz down in florida his boys out of the hospital his boy had of uh had a sinus infection and And and he took it to the ER the doctor said oh, it's a virus and the sinus infection got so bad

But there was an abscess and the little boy's sinuses. All right. There's a boy seven years old. God bless All right, and so the little boy had he was an icu for like nine days had to have surgery Okay, and and and he does all this and he and he and I'm talking to him and I'm like Mikey what can I get you? Where are you? Are you okay? You know, I said everything for kids. Okay, and and he goes Uncle raffi you uh, maybe like Legos or something I sent that kid every kind of Lego they had I sent him everything the kid goes to that all he wants is a Lego God damn it. You got heart kid. You almost died. All right, that doesn't ever nine days nine days, dude the abscess got so close

You know the little bones in there They're so close to the brain and and this these dumb fucking ER doctors who don't give it two shits All right, you know to look, you know take five minutes. Look at a kid. All right. What's the color of the snot? Okay? You know what? Hey, he's seven Let's give him antibiotics anyway. Just to make sure he's okay. All right. It's fucking miami. Trust me He'll need extra antibiotics for something. All right. You know, he's only seven, but he'll still need it Okay, and it's like and that little boy And ricky and I were working together. We're in west palm and uh, and he left

Every day and every night and it was like his his wife was like that took it to the ER He had a fever and spiked and oh my god. He looked like it was like some of that. Oh my god. That's terrible. It's horrible It's horrible But god bless him Is he okay? Yeah, he's okay now. Thank god. I know thank god Ricky Ricky's a brother, you know, Ricky's Ricky's family. I'm the old school old school family 1440 I still want to beat Joe Chadwick and Ricky was Ricky was like, you can't do that. Fuck him. He pays us $300 to host

Fuck you Joe Chadwick He wanted me to emcee and I told him send me the plane ticket. Yeah, send me cash And I just said fuck it. I broke down in Vegas. I'm not coming And me and Ricky split the doubt What the fuck isn't with the planes Oh god, they're coming for Lee because he's unassent. Oh jesus christ They're probably looking at all them pterodactyls flying around outside and wondering what the hell's going on

The Jurassic park pterodactyls pop out of here. What's going on? What's happening, Lee? Sounds like the pterodactyls coming home Should we close the door? No, fuck it. I don't Unless you want to close the door. No Oh my god, so funny Yeah, right Okay His eyes look weird now. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, both y'all are finding the right spot

Aren't you good? Yeah, yeah Yeah, right As it's fun If I didn't have court drama, I'll take somebody Say say save me some say me some of the this shit. Let me tell you something. It's not like I don't think they're making this stuff Or first of all my tolerance is off the chain. Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, right?

My tolerance is off the fucking chain to all levels. Yeah But you know, he's sitting there like he had a cup of coffee. He's like, huh, Ralphie, that is interesting. Oh, no Trust me, this is a little kick to this little kick in this mule right now. I'm not seen devils or fucking Snakes. Yeah, I just felt somebody tickle my arm though Oh Fucking good So fucking funny. Yeah, everyone's why you just got to break out of the ordinary. I love doing Different types of podcasts, man. I really do. I love experimenting in here

There's nights. We eat mushrooms. There's nights. We just fucking smoke mushrooms. We smoked mushrooms. Yeah smoked mushrooms Well, yeah, we put a stem in there like an animal. Oh, we did that a few times. You put stems in there Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you don't give a fuck. Yeah, right. Fuck it. It'll burn some ice. We'll be all right It's kind of good to fucking just get fucked up from time to time Yeah, I think if I eat the mushrooms, I'd be having diarrhea Like I said, this shit don't I go home. I force myself to eat something. Yeah, and that kills it. Yeah, that kills it On the drive home, you know, listen I'm old school. If I see something I just walk home

I'm from the old school. I just walk home or who but you know, I can't believe I just drove home went home I sat there for 15 minutes. I watched tv and I go, you know what? Let me see. I think she went to Ralph's I got some salami and a piece of american cheese and a piece of wonder bread Like a doctor 10 minutes later. That was nappy new That's fucking I was fucking nappy new. He told me he stayed up all night Yeah, but it was he stayed up all night on acid. Yeah all the time. Oh my god But then the one time I did it with Ari when went to see that kid went to see the pink floyd Same thing happened that night. I never sleep on acid. We took the acid at 6 30

By eight o'clock. We were kind of burning by nine. We walked into that. What's the famous restaurant downtown philips Yeah, yeah, we walked into philips tripping our balls on We ordered food the food came and we looked at each other Like who's gonna eat this shit? Like who's gonna eat this shit? Who would eat this? Who ordered this shit? How did we get in here? Give us a tab. We're out of here because like you want boxes. Fuck no Fuck no, we got on the train. We went to the house and we ended up watching something stupid on tv

Oh the bounty hunter chick with the fucking with mickey roark and uh I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah bounty hunter whatever the fuck with mickey roark and the black dude dwindle lingo whatever his name is. He was the black dude in uh What's the big movie movie? del rint del lindo Not po-friction. What the fuck was he in? The one with uh travolta

And fucking get shorty. Oh, yeah Del Rey lindo or something. Yeah something like that. I like that guy Yeah, he was great and that gets shorty. Yeah I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about. No, no, no, but you get me mesmerized by which black guy it is Like this is like I'm doing good. I'm trapping my balls off, but What are you seeing Just a lot of mixing that's a lot of like twirly mixing

Like like swirling like this Or like that No, the first one like this. Yeah the the wheels like starry night like starry night ones. Yeah, okay Yeah, because this one that's bad ass. Is it this one's the good ass. Is it? It's both it's both I don't know like even in my pee like either the last time Like I have a picture on my phone of one time I took acid and I shaved my my head and my beard And I thought the hair looks so magical and I took a picture of that. I thought it looks stupid

It looks like a sink Don't shave anything. Okay, I'm doing your solid. Oh, yeah, it was weird that it felt weird Wait till four in the morning, middle of the night when you have a good time shaving eyebrow taking change No, just shaving eyebrow Shaving eyebrows and feeling like a Filipino Just put like a little purple thing Make it high and make you look real surprised every weekend. It's a different color It's the yellow rooster. You know what I'm saying? You got you a little red. Yeah, you got it high

Oh my god, right here Lee They used to do that shit to people all the time when I was growing up putting air on you when you were sleeping Oh, and then you take a shower and the head Oh man, oh my god, they used to have some wicked shit. They don't do it no more people lost them remember lemon up Remember that shampoo that you put it in your hand. It was lemons and your head got lined up. What wasn't like lighting up Yeah, yeah, lemon up lighting up. We're lighting up There was a shampoo in the 70s. Yeah, it was fucking huge Everybody once june came you got that shampoo and you put it in your hand

You had got all the light and you got sexy for the summer. Yeah, but by September you like a dirty hole That was the first invasion of the dirty hole was the lemon and yeah from there it all went downhill Oh god I gotta tell you what is the fucking deal. All right, when you do you got those stories about When you go to gavons the producers apartment and and clog up a shower Are you gonna tell these people You clogged up someone else's shower He took a shit in there that was so good and powerful

In the shower, but he couldn't push it down. He tried to push down With his toe and it was such a good turn. It wouldn't go down. It had heart That's exactly that and then he said the water started coming right up on you And so you wash your feet in the clean because it was disgusting You know, like I'm Catholic. I can't do this and you got out of there and you're like And then you came over to my place just in your fucking if you're in a towel gavons towel I don't think gavons ever got that towel back. I think that became my towel. All right, and then you finished your shower Remember that shit

I'm like Mike Tesla three weeks ago Mike at least stop fucking with the wiring and shit you the microphones. You're gonna electrocute yourself Then we're gonna have other problems You okay killed I'm okay. All right. How about this one? Have you ever told him how you have you fucked up jaymore with the fucking viscins? We told him two weeks ago. Oh, you did? Okay, all right I got more. I got more All right. All right. How about how about that tag watch room gavin?

I love it. I know you didn't I know you didn't clip it. I know you didn't clip it, but You and me with all the ones who knew you didn't clip it All right, I think you fuck it. Let me explain. He was he was fucking over I'm gonna be as honest. I can't I didn't give a fuck At that point in my life, right? Do you remember he came up to the store? Yeah, he tried to get tough on me with Keith Yeah Are you fucking crazy What it

Listen, I made some mistakes. But what really happened was That a certain girl came up. He hooked up with her right and He fell in love with it. She told that he was gonna move up here You don't remember that story, but six months before that they hooked up skype And they would whack off on the phone and talk dirty to each other and dildos and shit You know that was 1998. Yeah Skype wasn't 10 cents a fucking minute that you know what I'm saying So he started getting these bills and going all the bills are disappearing

You know who's putting these high fucking bills on my thing He was on that whack it off. He couldn't come to conclusion Then the watch disappeared. There was like three or four things the watch disappeared five Then he came to my house one morning I was living with terry. I was sleeping with terries and he knocked on my door one morning that morning. I looked at him like a dog Don't ever knock on my fucking door again You want to see me you call and we'll meet you later. Goodbye. That was it

Yeah, and that what time was about the watch. Yeah, the watch was stolen. He left it on top of that But then he found it And he couldn't make face Right, he couldn't tell anybody then somebody saw it on his wrist and said isn't that the watch he stole Yeah, and he goes no, no Uh, I bought a fake one Yeah So wait a second you had a real watch

It got stolen and you went and bought a fake one the exact kind the exact kind You know the odds of that and we're not talking fucking Listen, man. I was no saint No, but you weren't but I wasn't the devil And you know what at that point in my life I was playing that role For 20 fucking years by that point. So I already knew I grew up in north bergen where those guys would go Uh

You know fucking Ralphie He stayed here to wait in the morning snorting cuck really you didn't help him You didn't help him. Oh, yeah, I did a few lines, you know, I mean, what the fuck I drank a few beers No, so it was all Ralphie. Yeah, right? Well, I was growing up that was every morning when they walked into hashways And for the biggest speakers in the city they go Fucking cocoa kept us out till six in the morning really right you weren't it was your car Yeah, you could have threw me out of the fucking car three hours earlier, but you didn't exactly

It's just uh I want to I want to light another candle for mama hashways rice pudding god damn that was delicious She's still alive. What a shame, you know, billy horrendo moved to town We talked from time to time That's why nobody goes home no more. Yeah, right? He goes. There's nowhere to go There's nothing good. I mean you can go to chance dragging in and still get a strong egg rope Okay, no, no those places are still but our base. Yeah, right That the one down the corner where everybody went and got a roast beef sandwich and you knew mrs. Hashtag

You could put it on the arm for credit right and you went behind the counter and put your own salt mayonnaise Yeah, make it make it nice pickles, you know No, no, no, no, no that was that and that's what happened. I spoke to another friend of mine that called In regard to something else about a month ago and I go you've come home a lot and he goes He goes after hashways closed I moved down and I never came back again. Yeah I think it's important Hashways was so fucking good, dude. You get you get you a fucking

Was it chocolate sodas you used to get me was it egg cream or something? No, the you who's the you who's Okay, I get a you And a roast beef chocolate water a roast beef on on the row. All right a little row Why don't you change the chocolate milk? What chocolate milk is better than you who I think Well, I had to get the full You want chocolate milk when you want a motherfucking you who? You want a motherfucking you?

I was going straight 11 got you this nights. I stop here and I go in and get a you when I'm good for the night Yeah, you think a you who you're good It's amazing. What are you who would do the other 16 aren't you? Fucking no I I did I did the everything that was before one of the hashways had the lump Okay, but mama still came in and great rice pudding and then that was my first time at hashways This is how cool this place was six months later eight months later I

Am going through and going fuck it. I don't know any place. I'm going to go into the city I don't know any place. I want to park over there I'm going to fuck jfk boulevard. Fuck. Yep, and I get off right right before I go into the tunnel I go jfk and then boom pull right into hashways They I'm there. I got to say hello. I got to tell them to tell cocoa eyes. They said hello and then Mama hash way not only did I get my roast beef sandwich She made me an extra one and then I she goes I heard you love my rice pudding So here take a bigger thing and she gave me extra rice pudding

And what are those with the fucking what's the chips that they had there? Yeah, wise chips. Say those chips with that with the owl, right? Yeah, that's the ones That's the fucking ones. It's funny. Lee one day we were having a conversation years ago And you were talking about that pizza parlor in your neighborhood, right? Yeah, that is the best pizza in the world to you Like to you like when you go home No matter what anybody says no, you got to go to johnny's on fifth street You still go there and it still tastes as good as it did when you were a fucking kid. Absolutely. That was hash ways Only with yelling and screaming and oh people giving gossip and you know

Man, how about that heart attack on a roll in the morning that morning sandwich that she'd make us Oh my god, you picked up two of those. I started eating that I mean I started eating there. You got a figure in 1975 Doc raffi. I went up there. I was a downtown kid and I went up there The word on the street was if you want to get better in basketball, you got to go up there and play the rough games in the daytime And one day this kid foovio pie gliario Slam me he was the catcher on the baseball team by mistake slam me And he goes man. I'm sorry, you know

So he got me a roast beef on rye with swiss cheese thin shaved lettuce Let me tell you something when I bit into that it was all over. I'd never taste anything like that in my life I went there every day after that too It fucking cool. Yeah We did the documentary Yeah, absolutely. That's I think we didn't go in that time. We went in there at two o'clock

And the roast beef wasn't ready. I knew them was in there. Yeah, right You know what? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? The roast beef used to be done at 10 in the morning earlier earlier We'd be back here eating their roast beef. So it's like when they first got that first bounce check You know the first time they hit you with a bounce check and they're like, oh, my wife didn't deposit the funds Listen, that that that that that that that first bounce check means to boogie with nuggie It's only gonna get worse after here. Don't make me give you references. You know what I'm saying? That first basketball means run

Even if they give you even then they'll cash it right away. They make themselves look solid What's going on? I don't know. Don't wander. Don't wander. Don't wander. I'm gonna watch you like Let him wonder fucking he's got a coat on he'll be fine. He just goes down some stairs. Who hasn't you know This is a very interesting night of podcasting. I have no idea what happened. What it was said I think we had fun, man. I know I left my balls off And at least I hadn't got to scare the snake That was tremendous. You got to say that for the fucking hot eye real All right, dude, the only way I'll forgive you Ralphie is if I got a $10,000 stake at the fat harrows with the blackjack table

Not 10,000. I'll get you. I'll come on. I'll we'll sit there You're Jewish I gotta let you know And not fucking play with me. I mean here. I'll give you money. I'll keep you there. No, I'm asking from you Oh my god. Oh my god The snake the snake Focus on the yellow. Were you? Yeah find the yellow So funny when you went out there was out there with the car

Don't look now now you can't fucking look see what I'm saying Now I don't need you to look I could stick my hand over when you went out there casually I want you to cash out of the left eye to see what was Nobody else. No Gotta watch that show. I'm watching them. You know, that's a da wait line. You're out there. God damn it He said no, okay. Yes. Just so everyone else knows this isn't for anyone who is listening to the podcast This is just for him. He's just putting that in my head. He's gonna call me in three hours This is a da outside

Don't answer the door The kiss of death was at the airport today and they canceled two of his flights and he's still there. Who do you think? Slate I didn't go like Bobby Slate and And he'd be sitting after Bobby go to the fucking suitcase Over there Listen when they canceled he's ready to sniff somebody's asshole at this point Bobby Slate I could torment him right now. I think about him every day for pleasure and I go. No, I can't do this

No, you can't fuck him up and they go listen. I can't take it no more I've been clean for nine years this bullshit. I hooked up with a columbian. He's Armenian too Hahaha He's a columbian Armenian. This guy's got the goods and he'll buy right into it. Like what do you mean goods? Like what do you mean? What time you got? I'm talking about new york city 19 fucking 73 He is numb the flake your nose a num flake. It's yellow. Chinese people licking in yellow. I'm saying Come on. Really? How much a gram? He's just getting with outrageous price. Give me 2250. I was like

Bam, you're hooking him right there. I go to the yellow box right there Oh I'm telling you man When you're like, okay fucking with Slate was funny. All right, but when joey doesn't like somebody That's even funny your torture it. Okay. All right. All right. How about How about to tell the story about how you tortured my blackjack wilson? All right, what's the guy? Of course, you know someone named blackjack wilson

What was the chick with the kid She said what's the name was the kid's father At the commie store. She was dating bob baker. What happened to that broad? Oh And Where is she? Oh, I don't know anything I haven't heard anything nothing. Yeah, I was sitting there going and I see the dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah You're walking around. Yeah, I feel like saying what happened to him, but Why don't maybe the body rock closed. Yeah, that's what I figured. Yeah

So funny Cocoa when when you don't like somebody Folks, he'll he'll find out where they're working and call up as somebody was complaining. All right. I was at the Uh, the nine o'clock show show our show started at seven. Then it was the seven o'clock show I suck it. All right, and you just be so mad and so mad and then okay Hang up call. All right, and then and then like an hour later. You pick the phone back up And call the guy who hates and who he hates Yeah, what's going on another hey, man

Nothing, but the the club just called me and asked me if I wanted to come in and do your week Oh my god, they did let me talk to him So he would make sure that they would talk to the club and then he's like, yeah, we heard some complaints Okay Then the guy gets scared. Hey, yeah, man. They already got me at the fucking airport. All right. You're gonna lose your job All right. Yeah. Yeah, they're gonna. All right. Hey come pick me up and I'll have them let you feature All right, you did that twice But the best of the best you've ever done is when you used to fuck Pete out of the fucking

From the last stop out of out of those fucking out of that fucking airfare money Like like I want to say probably 10 15 times You just beat Pete up For fucking airline money like a reds tight. Hey, Pete. Yeah, fly me down. I need the money now though So here send me the money. I'll buy the ticket. I'll be there. I swear to god. I'll be there. I'll be there No, no I was burying motherfuckers for a while You're burying him. That was for a while, but the best was your boy Beaumont

Lincoln you got Joey this weekend and you're like, I don't think so Okay, dude, dude, you had you had Pete Up at the fucking old intercontinental airport waiting on a continental flight. All right And and you're like, no and he's like, Joey you're hearing these leaving messages and Joey you can hear baggage from phoenix Is on carousel three carousel three for phoenix All right, and you can hear this and then that's what made you laugh. You're like, Robbie mate, listen to this And we're in my apartment smoking weed as fuck. You're you're supposed to be at the last stop. You fuck him I beat him out of 800. Listen to this and we keep on hearing the baggage of the carousel

I sent Pete That's a 60 mile fucking trip and then when you get the hobby, I'm like, no So where are you right now? Wait a second. Let me call you back in five minutes. That's cute That's it. You'll never hear from me again. You'll be dying You'll be We were in my kitchen table and you know, Robbie, you know what this is and I go what it's Pete driving home I sent them to three different airports because Houston really got three airports. They got another one that you go Way down. It's a small airport. Yeah, and if you get a ticket on like a cheap fucking Puerto Rican ticket service

Yeah, it's 845 a.m. And they won't tell you you got to get all the way down there at 845 again And they put you on additional Let me tell you something. It's like putting you on a plane from hollywood to north hollywood making you get up Oh, no. Oh, yeah Yeah, subtle Brutal brutal Coco when you fucking get into people

And you don't even you you play nice Like like nothing nothing Them clintons should be calling you and giving you putins. Like all you need is his phone number All right We really find out how much he fucking got into him It's like Fuck a fat guy on a bed Or all fucking cyber attacking let let coco have like a number

Yeah, I was telling him my old drug dealer. Which one? I mean like wood street. No that hollywood. Oh, okay. We always talk we talk once a month But we talk extra heavy around the super bowl and we're both talking talking talking and he gets off the phone and Whatever New England wins. I call him back and we're talking and that morning I wake up. I'm thinking about I'm like, how many years do I know this motherfucker? This relationship started by him getting beat up and me giving him my gun

I stole from 1440. It was a piece that was there an old piece in an apartment It was a 38 and and I and I yeah It was in a top shelf and I gave that to them for protection Plus that bought me like 10 bags of blow from me. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, just to keep me alive I gave me that gun give me a couple fucking bindles here Yeah That relationship's been on since 19 I've been buying I was buying coke from them, but now we've been friends since

Yeah, damn near 97. Wow. That's how long I know those brothers for yeah So 97 I was fucking with that man, and I'm still friends with them today And what I did to them I used to torture him. Oh, yeah. I used to tell him come to the store. Hurry up Mick Jagger's here James Brown is here Listen, if they snore coke, they're here get on down here motherfucker. I'm laying down Not for nothing

You also had a lot of credibility because you had also knew Bobby fucking brown and Whitney Houston. No, no All right. All right. That's legit. That was none of them, but then they never came to the store No, no, no, but they I kept that completely Nobody even knew even existed But it was funny how that's how I would get this particular guy down there because I always owed him a thousand bucks Yeah, he go, why am I gonna come down here? You owe me money. You got my money. Fuck. No, I got you I got a $15 check for you, but I'm telling you to come down here Because you could sell a fucking ounce down here. Everybody's here. Rick James is here. Rick James is dead. He's here. I'm telling you

I just saw him. He's looking for fucking puppets So I would make him go down there. I would make him go down like a poorly I would make him go down there And he would go, where's all the drug deals? Where's everybody? I go, they just left But while I got you here, give me a 60 tomorrow Mother fucker. I knew you were gonna trick me. You know how many times I did that, Tom? Are you serious? You would bring a ah I would make him come down at one in the morning and tell him that at least I had to hear it with a fucking

Stack a hundred stack a hundred two bitches who are no hungry Even if I just held on to that one skinny dude. Just give him a 20 again, bro A 20 that's better than nothing. Let me get hold on until that's 60 till tomorrow. You know what I'm saying? I got shit happening. The producer's calling tomorrow I gotta go buy I gotta go buy I gotta go to the laundry room in 1440 Wait for the mailman to come and shit Dog tell Lee that we knew the mailman by first name little Filipino. Oh my god. Yeah, we were skipping them reefer We were out there. Okay. We're outside of our apartment complex. He would tell me if I had a check

Yeah, like an hour before he go. I got it. I have check and then he come back that meant party time You heard the fucking guy Now lee at that time it could have been a check for three dollars Or it could have been a check for three thousand dollars. Nobody knew but in my mind it was the three thousand dollars So tightly you're gonna learn something right here. What and I would just 36 dollars Jesus Christ I'm gonna fall all the way away from the three G's But we'll make it work. Let me cash this check at the wilcox. Yeah, that means they take a dollar 50

I still got 23 in chains. I can still stop stop on my buddy's got a 20 spot Let's take a three dollars for gump. That's better than you. Who's better than the two dollar for a tip for a water at the Comistar. Amen Yeah, man, we would sit out. We knew that guy So well, I mean we just be sitting out there pimpy would be playing around and uh, this was way before pimpy It wasn't before pimpy. Yeah Well, no, we still knew the we knew the mailman. I listen. I got mail there till 2005. What? Yeah, easy When did he move out?

When did he move in? Nigga, when did he move in? He didn't move in. He just opened the door. Can I stay here? Yes, boom It was on the road. Whoever didn't come home. Yeah, the door was open. There was always a A cigarette a cigarette something something was gonna happen in that fucking building It was what kept us alive for two or three years bro, bro

I'm sorry, bro. I'm just I'm losing it right now. What happened You're fine What'd you see nothing? No, it just what'd you hear? You don't need to remake cranky anchors Listen, it's 2017 This has to become a show soon Three dudes just take And topics coming up and you just dying to smoke somebody'll buy that

Somebody'll buy that even at three in the morning. We'll start at three in the morning. Nobody knows nothing. No appetizers Zero this is this is a green You we can buy we can buy and we did a season of these we can pull a buy or an allen Duh, we can pull a buy out. Who's gonna last a season of these things? Are you kidding me? Listen, we'll shoot them all in three days. Yeah, we'll shoot them all in three days. We'll just go for broke for three days After three days, we'll take it to a hotel room a hospital room If you're here to meet us

You're not gonna take me anywhere. You're gonna wait We'll go to portals. We'll get some sandwiches. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. You'll be fine No, you don't leave me, but you're gonna take me here. I'm not gonna go to no hotel I'm not gonna take it to a hotel. I'm gonna take it to the hospital I Can't believe you still don't feel a little full thanks And you should be But it's I mean lia's lia's like our mascot man. It's like what we always needed

I don't want to fucking seeing things in sure. Give me the paperwork. Where you going? You don't want me seeing things No, I don't need you seeing things. Oh my god. Do you want me to read some of this shit? No, I'll read it We're gonna go to jail. Do not say nothing during this one here. I don't believe it. I love them number one The best I ever I love them to death always Hello tushy.com listen Nobody talk nobody ever talks about washing your little muffler, right? Everybody talks about slinging dick and Getting gonorrhea and using condoms. Nobody ever says, you know what I washed my muffler so fucking good last night

It was tremendous. Pick it up Lee. No one says that anymore Make America great again Hello, tushy's trying to do that. Hello tushy everything is fucking it's sense of humor It's marketing everybody loves their asshole to be clean How many times have you scratched your asshole sniffed it and said jesus christ? Why do I live with myself every day who comes out of my ass? Oh, I know for a fact. I can't even imagine what your little muffler you took a shower like 7 30 You've been walking around raw ass since 7 30. You took two shits. You ate hummus

You haven't bathed it's seven o'clock. You know what your ass smells like right now It smells like rb's. That's what that's what that's what they that's what they do Like if right now if you were walking down the street by yourself walking through a bus stop a van would pull over They'd be like these incognito guys and they'd rip you in and they cut your ass whole lot And they'd have like an rb stick around and all of a sudden they I love you just told ropy not to say anything No, I'm thinking this is a great thing for women to fucking buy their guy because the good Hey, it's february. You're gonna have to suck some dick. So you might as well have a clean asshole down there They got a fucking valentine's day thing really by two shoots. That's what you need by two. Hello tushy's and get free shipping

Bang it out. He gets a clean muffler and mama gets a clean muffler because mama's muffler doesn't need to get clean It's the monk war. That's the one but again, I don't want it too clean just a little bit of water like Just a little bit of spit in there. I don't want you to get the fucking fungi out of nothing I thought I want that intact. You know I'm saying I want you for who you are your dirty animal And with hello tushy you have that option that setting that's right and it's portable And it's a 60 day money back guarantee. No, what is it? What is it a 60 day money back guarantee? I don't even know you don't need it. I think it's 30 60. Who cares 60 90. It don't matter this thing Listen, if it's lasted fucking four months in my house with the size of my ass and the size of my shits

And the amount of water it takes to wash that little brown muffler It'll do wonders for your little tushy Listen, please spit it out cocksucker. Yes, get a hello tushy dot com right now and press in church ch you are ch And get what lead 10% off and if you order two of them you get free shipping Boom right to the fucking house and your mufflers clean. You if you can feel confident You won't get that stink coming out of your back. You know what I'm saying? You can wear shorts again It's a different experience. Hello tushy dot com go to hello tushy dot com right now

Get a fucking bidet But hit it hello tushy dot com slash church. All right, boom get 10% off two of them for valentine's day special Listen, maybe there's somebody at work. Give a look at somebody. You know, you know what? I guarantee that guy's asshole smells like 10 dead feet. Okay That guy there just put it in his chair for happy valentine's day. Like he doesn't have a valentine. You and I both notice Goodbye one for him. Go to hello tushy dot com right now and press in church damn and get your 10% off. That's right. Hello tushy dot com right now I

Want to thank hello tushy dot com. I want to thank Ralphie May. I want to thank the flying jew This was a hell of a podcast hell of a podcast. I'm starting to see things too And I take two steps to the ring and out of this motherfucker right here. It's been a hell of a night. I love you stay black Oh Oh Oh Love the streets when the black skies shout at the beat the fire no more Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh You