Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #458 - Kevin Couch

Episode Date: February 23, 2017

Kevin Couch, radio producer and host for over 15 years heard on Sirius and National Lampoon Radio, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Helix Sleep: Go to helixsleep.com/JOEY to get $50 off of your order off your custom mattress.    Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/joey to get your first three meals free and free shipping!   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 02/22/2017.  

This show is presented by Onit. The trick to what's happening now is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Go to helixsleep.com, answer a few simple questions, and you can build a custom address online that will cost you hundreds instead of thousands. And the best part is when you go to helixsleep.com slash joey right now, you're going to get $50 off of your order. That's helixsleep.com slash joey to get $50 off of your order. This show is also brought to you by Blue Apron. Blue Apron is the number one fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country. Check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free.

That's right, you get three meals for free with free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash joey. My dad signing up this week, he's gonna love it. I love it. Go to blueapron.com slash joey to get your first three meals for free with free shipping. Oh, shit. Kick this meal, Lee. Are you fucking kidding me? This is as American as it gets.

The church of what's happened now. Fuck Trump, fuck Hillary, fuck Bernie Sanders, fuck them all. Here we go. Are you kidding me? Oh, shit. Wednesday, the 22nd of February. The day the devil was buried in sea. Let's do this shit.

What a story. Here we go. I love this. We're coming to your town and we'll help you party down. Who's better than that? Nobody. But they didn't say the magic word. Nobody said nothing about sucking my dick if they came to town.

That's the magic word. We're not sucking my dick while you're in my town. Why are you in my town? You know what I'm saying? She can't cook. I don't want to eat it. Yeah, it should be like in the package they give you at the Chamber of Commerce. That's it.

It's like where you are. There's Joey. Get to it. What's happening, Kevin? What's going on, Joey? God, googly. Dude, it's so good to see you, man. Googly, it's great to see you.

I'm so glad that I saw you at the grocery store at six o'clock in the morning. Six o'clock in the morning. Walking around stone like a fucking zombie. Yeah, on a Sunday. On a Sunday. Before church. I looked at you and I said, Jesus Christ. Six in the morning.

I was going to church. I figured I'd stop in Rouse and get like a banana or something. No time for my wife. I don't know what the fuck I was doing in there. I was just thinking about him the day before too. And then I go like, dude, it looks like Joey. And I was like, oh wait, I'm in Los Angeles. That probably is Joey.

And then sure enough it was. True story, I have found a little bag of cocaine in line at that Rouse. Right there at Sherman Oaks? Right there at Sherman Oaks at Cold Water. How much coke was in there? Yeah. It was just like, it was a tiny, tiny bit. But I was just like, I thought, no man.

I thought it was one of those. Oh, bullshit man. It's Los Angeles. I thought it was on like a punk show or something. So I did the thing and I was like, I gave it to the Rouse chick and she took it. But there was cocaine in the Rouse line. That's not something that happens in Brookville Indiana. It felt like Graham you were taking it.

I probably made some money. I paid for my groceries. In Coke Rock, you put that in your pocket and just walk out of Rouse. I'll be back. I'd pass that off instead of like a buck. I don't. You don't dabble? No man, I don't mess with that.

You ever dabble? No, not really. Never? No. You fucking line a horse? One time I, the one time I ever did cocaine. It was when I first moved to Los Angeles and I was at a party and Oasis was there doing cocaine.

And I thought, if you're ever going to do it. This is the chance. Do it with Oasis. And so. What main lines did you do? I mostly faked it. I mostly went through the other nostril. I don't.

I don't. Good for you man. Yeah man. That stuff doesn't really. Good for you. Listen man, not everybody is just for everybody. Yeah. You know?

There's people who do meth. I can't do fucking meth and stay up for three days. Yeah. But some people do fucking meth. You know? Yeah. I like to do apples and I'm a boring. I'm like the most boring person that's ever, you know, been a friend of yours probably.

You can do a bomb here from time to time. Yeah. It's Los Angeles. That's it. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's like a cup of coffee here. You know, for years I had this fucking thing. I had to overcompensate with Coke because I didn't drink.

Yeah. So when I went out, you know, after you do two or three lines of Coke, you'll drink fucking horse piss. It doesn't matter as long as it's got alcohol in it. Jesus. You know? Because yeah, you gotta trim that fucking edge off. You gotta take the edge off.

You're smoking cigarettes, you're drinking whiskey on the rocks. You know, you're like, forget the fucking back. You know? Forget the ginger ale back. Just give me the fucking whiskey. No ice cubes. I didn't want ice cubes. That's how strong this blow is.

So I would drink, but I'm not a social drinker. Yeah. And I am be that. I have nothing like, I can't call Lee and go Lee. What are you doing right now? No, let's go get a drink. Yeah. We've never gone to drink.

We've never gone to get a fucking beer. They're like, I don't understand. I was saying that about you today. I was saying, somebody asked me, they said, well, Joey doesn't drink. And I said, I don't think he does drink, but the cocaine thing, I did tell that story about the comedy store where you had to jump in somebody's truck. You had to jump in the back of somebody's truck and you were doing it off of some chick. That was the place in Hollywood in the freezer, I think maybe.

Oh. In the freezer. Yeah. Yeah. The freezer. I was at Ralphie May when I had a run out of this, not the standard, but the other place where Dane Cook became a king. Right.

Right. Now across from Miyagi's, there used to be that big hot restaurant there on Tuesday nights. Oh, I don't know. And that's where it was. Jay Davis was the host. And that's where that happened. No, I haven't done blown nine fucking years.

Yeah. It's going to be fucking November 7th. It'll be 10 years. You look great by the way. Since I did fucking blow. From the last time I saw you. Yeah, yeah. Because we used to go to the gym too.

Yeah, yeah, at the YMCA. Yeah, the Hollywood Y. And yeah, you have trimmed up. How much weight have you lost? Like 80 pounds? Like 100. 100. 15.

Looks good, man. You look healthy. You look crazy, man. Fatherhood has been good to you. No, I lost a weight before the fatherhood. Oh, did you? I went down like right before I knocked her up. I went to Weight Watches for a year and I went from 418 to fucking 270.

Yeah. My head got too big. And I was starting to get dizzy and shit and fucking people were lying to me for roles because I was going to these auditions and my neck was really skinny. You ever see when somebody has cancer or they just go on a chemo? Yeah, yeah. My neck looks all fucked up. So I said fuck this.

I went up to like 290. Now I'm about like 297. As long as I'm not 300 pounds, I'm good. Yeah. You know, that's the thing I stray away from. Over the holidays, I went up to like 303, but that's great. That's a holiday. Yeah, it's a holiday.

Four pounds. That doesn't count. You know, I remember holidays. It's almost like losing weight. You're right. I'm going to Houston, Texas for two weeks over the holidays and coming back New Year's Day and being 28 pounds heavy. Like you don't even fit in your fucking pants.

You don't fit in your pants. And it's quick too. How long did it take you? Like a year to lose that 115 pounds and you gained 28 in three weeks? Two weeks. Two weeks. But that's soda. That's, you know, I don't even know when I drink soda anymore.

Like it's just wild. Yeah. I fill this thing up with water every day. I take it to Jitsu with me. And until that thing ain't fucking done, I don't drink anything else. Yeah. You know, and I fucking hate that. I'm like, oh, I have water out of a tin can like a soldier.

Yeah. I think that there was a point and, and, you know, maybe this would happen with you too and it happened with me where you just go, okay, I can wake up feeling like shit every day now or I can, you know, drink water, stop drinking soda, you know, live a little bit healthier as an adult. When did you guys start seeing a noticeable difference? I was like, when did it go from waking up feeling fine to, oh shit, I feel like crap in the morning.

I felt like crap in the morning till nine years ago. Yeah. Let's not do them bow. I mean it. When did it start? Do you think? Your diet is terrible. Listen, when you go home.

Yeah. When, when you go out and we have 22 fucking drinks and we smoke reefer and we bar food and we dehydrate and then we go out and get Barney's Beanery or I'm just, right, right, no, all of that. And you go home. Even if you sleep, you don't sleep because your stomach is digesting that fucking food. So you don't really get into that deep rim. Yeah.

You say, you slept great. And you wake up and you feel tired, feel like you're still we're moving, you still we're doing stuff. Yeah, man. You know, it's like eating sugar before you go to bed. You know, like sometimes I go home and I get stoned. I leave here. I go over there and I fucking eat yogurt raisins.

My daughter's yogurt raisins. Now granted, she has a little box, like 30 of those boxes. My wife wakes up like, what fucking happened last night? When I wake up the next morning, I wake up feeling like dick. You know, those days, it's, and I've told Lee this, that your diet changes as you get old. Like I have a friend that cannot eat pizza no more and he is losing it. Yeah.

Italian kid, I grew up with losing. He's losing his mind because he can't have his business, his whole thing is a slice of pizza in the air. I totally believe there's nothing like being from Jersey or New York or Boston, those places. You get used to the slice, the slice holds you over. You know, the slice is six points. Right. That's not that way.

Watch it. Right. A slice of pizza, a diet coke. You ain't killing nobody. You know, at two in the afternoon, especially like a cheese slice too, like a cheese slice. That's it. Just a cheese slice of six points, you know, and it holds you over. And I guess he's 50 and the cheese fucks his stomach up now.

Yeah. Like, and you stop eating different things. It's not that I've, that my willpower got any stronger. No. It's that, you know what? I know what it's like to get up in the morning and smoke a Marlboro red and a can of Coke. Yeah. You have no idea.

If you wake up in the morning, you smoke a Marlboro light and a can of Coke. That's an instant dead sentence for the day. Yeah. Like your day is done. I had burst of sugar that early in the morning. I mean, I would go from the bed to the refrigerator and open up a Coke. I remember one time I was in, this was, was this about five years ago. I was in a psychiatrist's office, not, not for myself, but for somebody else.

No, no, no. I've been here for myself. I'm not, I'm not dissing that, but it wasn't for me this time. And so this mom was just, her kid was hyperactive and she was going, okay, we're going to find a way to calm you down. And it's nine o'clock in the morning and the kid is, you know, Funyan Snickers Coke. And that's the breakfast for this kid. And I'm going, there's no secret here to why this kid is like freaking out in the morning.

Go up and down. Yeah. And why she's at school and you know, mind is racing and all that stuff. Like it's, it's right there. Like I can save you a whole lot of money and just say, Hey, you know, give the kid like a bagel and some tea or something, you know, instead of the, instead of that shit. Fucking cereal, a scrambled egg, anything is better than a fucking Snickers. Everybody.

Yeah, everything. Anything is better than God. And I tell you, I never went that low. Yeah. Like I never, you know, I never got that low to a candy bar. I always had to eat food. Yeah. But you see it all the time.

You see it everywhere. I like a candy bar at night. Yeah. You know, you get back from the comedy show. You're at the hotel. You're hungry. There's a fucking arm and joy for four bucks in the hotel room. Right.

Give me the fucking arm and joy for four bucks. I'll shop with one and we'll fucking leave it out somewhere along the goddamn line, you know, but no, you just don't. It's tough now. Like I, when I was working full time and I see like, if you go to a 7-eleven at like five or six in the morning, they're packed with like people who work in construction and they're getting doughnuts and coffees. And when I would work in Santa Monica, like, and I lived up here, I would have it timed

out. So I would wake up and shower and get in the car. I didn't want to make breakfast. It took an hour and a half to get there anyways. And they have, they have like granola bars or something in the office. I'll eat that and, and free soda. So that's what I did for years. It's just.

Don't get me wrong, guys. My mother had a bar. So in the soda order, we come for the bar, half of it would go to the house. She just built the bar. You know what I'm saying? Right. My refrigerator. And this is no lie.

Grown up. My refrigerator. Top shelf was Coke. Second shelf was 7-up. And I mean. Oh yeah. No, that's the way I grew up. The third shelf was Mateba Cuban herb soda.

And then the fourth shelf was either on bail or Matatue. Matatue will put a pound on you every time you drink that shit. All right. Never mind if you put the fucking condensed milk. I was going to say what's going on. How the Cubans do. Mateba and all that shit. You know, there was four things in my house.

My stepdad used to go crazy. He used to go, I come home at five and there's half a cans of Coke everywhere. I would drink fucking Coke all day. I didn't know what water was. I fucking hated water. Hated. And I drank Coke until 2009. Yeah.

My first kidney stone got me away from that because I was drinking. I was drinking Diet 7-up because I'm an idiot. And I'm looking at it going, it's clear. It's got to be at least a little bit better, right? Tastes like fruit a little bit. And then I'm just drinking on pound in those things and I got a kidney stone. And I was like, okay, that's that's the end of my career with soda. I have to.

That's my worst nightmare. I literally, I bought a thing on Amazon for like kidney health because I drank so much soda. I've cut way down. I still drink a little bit. I need to cut to zero, but like that's my worst nightmare. Like what happened to Matt Matrionica a week or so ago? Oh, right.

I can't. What happened to him? He had a kidney stone. That's why he couldn't fight Phaedor. And what do you get those from? It's from a lot of things, but soda, I think red meat, like isn't, there's something, it's like just calcified things in your kidney. And the only way to get it out is either like surgery or just has to like force it swiss

through your penis hole. And it just apparently kills. I went the forced way. So yeah, that it was not, it was not really no good. Through your pee hole. Yeah. And how long is the pain for? Man, I mean, I can tell you, it seemed like two weeks, but it's probably like four days.

You know, it's like, I mean, it hurt. It hurt a while. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to start drinking something. But I drank the fucking whatever juice from my stomach. I really take care of my stomach. I bought that stuff for gut rot. And I drank the water with it.

The toxic sludge. Yeah. There's a radio commercials where they're like, you may not be fat, you might be bloated. Like that's better news. Yeah. I'm thinking about going to that place and sticking the tube up my ass and washing it out with tea or whatever they want, colonics, whatever. Oh, I thought you were just saying like, some dude at the gym is doing that for free.

I joined jujitsu three years ago and I discovered that I had this really weird anxiety on my back. Just mind boggling. That's why I was telling you about stress and anxiety. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not a big anxiety guy. I think once I got off the blow when the anxiety started to appear, I didn't know what it really was. But when I went to jujitsu, it was so bad.

And I just, you know, tried to fight through it, but I'm not really growing. So last week I finally went to a, got hypnotized. Oh, how'd that go? I went to get with this shot. It was what it was. I paid for five sessions. I'm going to go in there with an open mind. You know, that's the only way you go into things like that.

And I'm going to go for fucking broke and see what happens. I went to jujitsu today. I didn't have any panic attacks, but you made a point. See, a kid at jujitsu said to me, he goes, get some asthma stuff and spray your lungs. I tell you something. Every time I sprayed my lungs with that asthma shit, I would go to jujitsu and do it. I would go to jujitsu and die and go, what the fuck? This is, I'm dying.

Does it make your head crazy? Cause that's, that's what it was doing to me. Like I had, cause just to, so everybody has a little background. I had some anxiety problems when, when you and I knew each other and far before that, it took a lot of medication for it, but it ended up being a misdiagnosis. And I had been taking this medication for years and years of this effects her for panic attacks. And then it wasn't panic attacks. It was a bad reaction from a chemical that was in my asthma inhalers.

So, you know, we were talking about changing our diet. So when I, I cut milk out of my diet because I went vegan for a woman. How you do. So when you go vegan and you take milk out. Yeah. Milk is gone. What else is gone? Milk, meat, honey, fish.

Yeah. Anything with a face, anything from a face kind of thing. Yeah. And what were you eating all fucking day? Vegetables man. And plus I'm in, I'm in rural Indiana at this point. So I got to go to the farmer's market to get vegetables and a lot of potatoes. Now when you're a vegan, what do you use for protein?

Spinach. I eat a lot of quinoa. I eat a lot of tofu. Oh boy. And then I also do a whole shake thing that's like 35 grams of protein every day. It's a water. You make it with water? No, I make it with like mango, usually mango puree or I make a green one.

So, so it's more of a health thing for me, you know. And it's taking you up the anxiety medication? Absolutely. I took that shit from the time I was like probably 20 until what, like, I don't know, man, 35. And, you know, it was just, you know, after a while, it just made my, my whole head numb and the answer to it, like it was like, I'm still having these problems. And the answer was always take more effects and take more effects until I finally just

got to a point where I'm like, you know, I'm not laughing anymore, you know, and I'm, I'm not crying at things that are really sad. You know, my grandpa was dying and I didn't feel anything, you know, at the time. And so that's when I just kind of cut it out altogether. But then going back to the, the cutting out the milk, the milk was giving me asthma problems. The asthma inhaler was giving me these, you know, psychotic, you know, sort of panic attacks. And then so when I cut out milk, I cut out the asthma. And now you have nothing.

Nothing. I have not taken a hit off of my, I take that back. I've taken one hit off of an asthma inhaler since 2009. And I, you know, no, no, not one panic attack. So dairy was making you have asthma or you have like a little bit of asthma and dairy makes it worse. I don't really know. It's just dairy, I think was giving me, it builds up the mucus in your lungs, you know. And, and I'm a farm boy and so milk was a cornerstone of my diet.

You know, I drank milk with everything. I drank milk, you know, two glasses for dinner, you know, a glass for breakfast and, you know, throughout the day. What saves me is not only milk. Yeah. I don't like the smell of milk. I'll have a milkshake though, like a motherfucker. Yeah. I'll put a piece of ice cream in there and some fucking stevia.

And that's a great shake for Uncle Joey. I'm good. I like it thin and I'll make it with 2% milk, you know, just to hold me over or something like that. But I'm not a big milk guy. Let me ask you, know my years. Now you're from Ohio. Indiana. But yeah, like right in that corner where Indiana, Ohio and Kentucky meet.

Where'd you go to college? Manchester College, which is now Manchester University. And you had, you had a degree in radio there? Yeah. Broadcast. Well, communication studies. Yep. And when we met, you were a national ampune.

Right. On a sunset next to that fucking bar. I can't believe you don't know the name. Was it the Irish bar? Nah, the one, it's like a structure now. Like an engineering. It's empty. Yeah.

It's completely empty now. Nobody's even in there. But I don't remember that bar. Yeah. You know, when we started talking a few months ago, I started thinking about, you know, all the, that was the beginning of my podcasting career without knowing. Right. You were letting me do whatever the fuck I wanted to do.

Right. We were even doing the martial arts minute and we reviewed Chinese movies. Joey Karate. Joey Karate. We do. What's that? Sonny Chiba. Sonny Chiba.

Yeah. Sonny Chiba movies. Yeah. This was my education and radio because yeah, you learn to do radio on the road with goofy people and they hammer it up and who the fuck knows. But this was like Kevin Couch teaching me all this shit. Like this is what you do. Like it was just you and me and we would do it every week.

I know Tripoli would go in there. Sam Tripoli was there. Burt Kreischer would go in there. Burt Kreischer. Tom Segour would go in there. Josh Wolfe. Josh Wolfe would go in there. I mean, this is.

Joe Bartnick was the sports guy. Joe Bartnick was an excellent. I think Joe was actually working in radio in Los Angeles right now. Yeah. So this is 10 years ago. Yeah. 10 years ago. Yeah.

2007. Yeah. That's right. Jesus Christ. This was about 2005 to 2004, 2008 I think was the lampoon. We were fucking around. Where is this broadcast? On XM.

Okay. Yeah, we were on XM and then we, I think we had some terrestrial affiliates too. But you know what? Like every, there was so much over there that was a lie. Like I don't know what was true. You know, like you tell the story and you always have to put an asterisk by every story. It's like, they said we had 30 affiliates, but you know, I never saw evidence of that. I never went to Miami to listen to it, you know, so I don't know if it actually was

there. They moved us from one office to a smaller office. Yeah. Remember we were on that floor with Jamie Foxx. That's right. Like it was just our office and then Jamie Foxx's production company. That was the first studio. And then that was over on the other, the west side of Sunset over by the Hamburger Hamlet

and then we moved into the actual national lampoon building, which was a cross, you know, more across from like the Laugh Factory. Yeah. No, no, no. I was down more by that Mexican restaurant on the corner. Remember we used to sit in the window pinching. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But what was right across from Chateau Marmour? Chateau Marmour. Yeah. Chateau Marmour. We used to sit in when Pinché first opened. Yeah. We would sit in the window and go, I want to leave you.

I'm going to go to Pinché and drop $40 on Mexican food. It was good Mexican food. That was awesome food. Yeah. Last time I went with Lee, I didn't go for like five years and I walked in there with Lee, not knowing anything. I go, Lee, just get three tacos. I got three tacos.

It was like 11.30 at night, you know? Yeah. And the guy looked at me and goes, what, you're not going to get those potato things? Remember they used to make those potatoes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those things put 22 fucking pounds on you.

Yeah. One of the things you liked, the flouters. How was Toronto's? No, flouters. Okay. Potato flouters. Yeah. I think that was one of those Naked Sushi places before it was Pinché.

No. Or was that place still there? No, no, no, no. Okay. The Naked Sushi place was, the Naked Sushi place has been of naked women. The fucking, that restaurant has had the kiss of death in it since I got here. Since 1997, when I signed with media artist agency, that's when the agent took me to lunch, breakfast, and he closed the week after that.

Then it became a lunch spot. Then it became, then it became a Naked Sushi spot where a lady lays on the table. They put sushi on it and you fucking eat the sushi off. Does every table get a naked lady? I don't know how. It was. Yeah. I was embarrassed to go in there.

Yeah. Well, it was, people like me don't go in there because I could never in a million years afford that because something tells me that's. 200 hours a table. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, ridiculous. All fucking night with him.

No, no. But yeah, it was a, it was a lady per table. Jesus. Have you seen that famous, I don't know if it's famous, that picture of Eddie Murphy eating like a steak and french fries off of a naked woman in like New York on like the roof of his building? No. That's great.

I can't imagine eating off of a naked lady. That's a fucking. You know, man. But I didn't know, you know, or, you know. I guess if I was there and somebody was feeding and they said, eat the fucking shrimp cocktail off my pussy. I mean, I guess I'm eating the shrimp cocktail. Yeah.

Who needs the tartar sauce? Yeah. I think they cover them with kind of, I think there was like a kelp. Right. She had some to cover or something. Yeah. When you got there, you're like, this is a beat. Yeah.

She ain't fucking naked. She got lettuce on her. Yeah. It's just a. The fuck. Just a bikini. I wanted to see a naked woman for my 200. And I get some chick covered with lettuce and shit.

Plus the sushi. I mean. It's hot. I don't care if it's off a woman or not. It has to be good for $200. Yeah. How good, you know, those places are just a place you walk in and go, I went to that place two nights ago.

Yeah. Right. People were like, how was the sushi? Would you go back? You know what I'm saying? Right. I go to sushi's and mine and take my fucking chances and shit. What was your first radio job after Manchester?

You stayed in Indiana. What the fuck made you come out here? Um, my first job was at Radio Station called 97XWOXY in Cincinnati. You ever seen the movie Rain Man? Yeah. Where he's like 97X. Bam. The future of rock and roll.

That was my, that was my first station. I did mornings there. Um, and then I was a music director for a little bit and that was the first place I ever got fired. So that was, um, but that was the best radio station. Um, that was the one I grew up listening to. And, um, I was a senior in college when I got hired there initially for, uh, for like weekend work.

So I took my last year at Miami of Ohio. So, but, And then you ended up a fucking Los Angeles? No. That, that National Lampoon. Uh, how did I end up at National Lampoon? Well, I was working at K-Earth in Los Angeles.

I had come into K-Earth. You've always been a K-Earth. I've always been. I've always. How many years old together though? I have been a part of the K-Earth morning show, K-Earth 101 in Los Angeles. Um, give it a plug there since, uh, 2003 in some capacity. Like I came in with the Hollywood Hamilton show, then I worked with the Gary Bryan show

for a little bit, and then I went to Lampoon and I became like a part-time employee of K-Earth. Right. Cause you would, you couldn't work a couple of days a week. No. You did something. You did something that there was one day a week you wouldn't be there. Right.

Something crazy. I remember that. And then with, with Gary Bryan, uh, you know, we all work for a production company called Radio Genius. So we all do that together, which is, uh, stuff that, you know, the work that goes towards the show too. So yeah. So since 2003, you know, give or take, uh, a little bit there, I worked at Sea Crest

there for four months. There was like a four month window there where I was over at that show. Um, but yeah, no K-Earth is, you know, I've been, I've been there for a long time. Can you believe that these comics you were working with 10 years ago doing what they're doing today? I'm so proud of some of these guys, man. Yeah. Segura, Bert Kreischer.

Segura has blown up, man. Like I, I was his first radio interview when Bert Kreischer made fun of him because his voice was cracking and, uh, and, uh, and I always tell Tom, and, and I'm sure he gets annoyed as hell with this, but, uh, you know, we were born in the same hospital. So that's, uh, in Mercy Hospital, Hamilton, Ohio. But, um, yeah. So I've always sort of like, uh, you know, Bert's been, or not Bert, um, um, Tom has been somebody that, you know, I'm always, you know, I've always been cheering for and

hoping that the, and Christine, absolutely. I've actually seen Christine a couple of times when she went out to the Midwest. You know, I saw her show. Sorry, Shafir, when he came out, um, Matt Eisman, dude, fucking look at that guy. Just one celebrity apprentice and, uh, host an American Ninja warrior and, uh, you know, and, you know, I'm super happy for that, dude, because he used to come on my show. Just, you know, you shoot him a Facebook message and he'd be there in an hour, you know, and, and, and, and now he's, um, you know, that celebrity apprentice thing was like, oh hell

yeah, man. Good for him. But, um, who about Josh Wolf got a TV show and, um, that's a fucking crazy. Who else is on the, on the, uh, Matt Walker, do you know Matt Walker? No. Um, he, uh, he just is up for a radio show, too. He used to come in with, um, Mike Moritori and they did a, they did a little segment. What the fuck is Mike Moritori?

Um, I saw him at the ice house last year, I think, um, he's around, he's around. I hadn't seen him in two years, three years, just disappeared. I'd see him at the ice house and then never again. I think he's around. I see him doing shows. I see his notices and stuff, but sorry for, for me to lie. He was teaching you karate. No, he was teaching Gino karate.

Gino karate. Yeah. Yeah. No, I didn't. You know what's fucking crazy? That just came back to me. Okay. So I was promoting something around the holidays.

I can't remember what the fuck it was. And I went to see you at the place by hamburger Hamlet and it was real cool and you said to me, if you want to do anything, yeah, call me and I thought about it over the holidays and I called you, but then you moved. Oh, right. You guys went over to the other side. There you go. Yeah.

Okay. So I met you and you were still a hamburger Hamlet and that thing in there and then that was the first time I only went to that studio one time. Yeah. That was a cool studio. It was at me, man. I'm sorry. Good.

Good. Jordan Lee says, great job. I'm watching. Thanks, Jordan. Thanks, Jordan. I appreciate it. Thanks, Jordan. Yeah.

No, the, uh, uh, that hamburger Hamlet place, that studio was cool. Like we had a, um, you know, a lot more room, you know, so we could bring more comics in. But the, you know, when we moved over to that other studio, that was, you know, it was a tiny, it was kind of a tight fit. Yeah. It was a tight fit. It was, you guys on the first floor, I think, and then Jay Schecter had an office upstairs with the other dude.

That was like the, the, the Nash, like the national ampoune radio guy, the radio guys were down there. Uh, we had two rooms and then upstairs was like the lampoon, lampoon guys and guys that did the movie stuff. Yeah. I'm getting old, man. Yeah. I mean, the whole time I've been thinking about it, I'm like, Jesus Christ, I'm about

to bring Jody Ferdy again one morning. All right. Yeah. So, with that, they did a Queens of Tarts tour and, uh, I helped get some like radio interviews for them for that with Lang Parker. Blame Parking. Yeah. You still see Lang at all?

I talk to her a lot. She's a good lady. Yeah. She's awesome, man. She's one of my favorite people for sure. Um, you know, I've known Jody Ferdy since 1997 and Jody Ferdy is, uh, so on the top side to, she's grown, uh, you know, as a comedian and she was, she just stalled that one part because of the alcohol, you know, and over the years, she's tried to make comebacks

and whatnot. And, uh, like I said, I used to work with Jody a lot, but it got to the point where it was, uh, it got crazy, you know, and I wasn't mad at her. She's just a crazy person. Right. And I couldn't jump up and down and dance. So I get this call one day from Jody and she's telling me she's doing a tour with Lang and some other sweet girl and, uh, and they're doing Vegas and something else.

And, you know, I was like, good luck, man, you know, and, and I mean, they weren't on the road a fucking week and people are calling me going, I bumped into your girl in Vegas, fucking Hammond. Yeah. I just, and I know, you know, some of my business, you know, but I would get called from time to time from Vegas. Right. And finally the tour ends and, uh, I'm not thinking about it.

You know, I got other things on my mind and I'm not thinking about three girls on the tour, but when I met the improv, when I walk out, there's Lang Parker with this face like somebody hit her in the head with this stuff. And she's like, you know, I know she's your friend, but I got to get rid of her. Get rid of her. Yeah. I don't give a fuck, you know, but Lang was like, I felt really bad for her because well, that's how she is.

She's a huge hearted person, man. She's a country chick too. Yeah, yeah, from that world. Like I understood Jody because I'm from that world. I'm a piece of shit, getting high and shit. But when Lang came up to me, she's like, Joey, she got to a fight with a hooker in the lounge. You know, I could see Jody fighting with a hooker in the fucking lounge. Okay. You know, so it was like, and I thought Lang thought that

she was kind of, no, Lang thought that would be mad, not at all. Yeah, when it comes to comedy or somebody's job, I'm a firm believer. Anybody fucks you, your job, you got to get rid of. Right. Anybody fucks you, your job, you got to get rid of. Like I just don't like it. I don't fuck with nobody's job. That's how you feed your goddamn family, you know? But she used to go on the road with Ralphie and have drama.

You know, Ralphie took her on the road one time and they went to Columbus, not Columbus, the other big one, a guy named not strobe, but there was a comedy club owner who left recently and he's running the ships now. He took a big, big, big job with ships, but he was big in the funny bone chain. So Ralphie stuck. So he goes, who should I take? You know, like, we'll call Jody. So they get there.

The first thing Ralphie looks at Jody and says, don't say nothing to that guy about him being short. Jody goes to the bar, does the 30 minutes, gets off, does three shots of Yeager, six beers and calls him a fucking midget. I mean, you know, that's the type of person Jody is. And she thought she was being funny and I got it. You know, I'd be laughing too. But when you're in that Ralphie May category, you can't take chances like that, you know what I'm saying?

There's a time to fuck around, not time not to fuck around. But until this day, I always think about laying and just shake my head because nobody can handle her. Yeah, like nobody can be around more than two nights after two nights. So like no more serious and laying is so nice. You know, she's such a nice person. There's no way that she can be, you know, she's not going to be a bitch unless she, you know, I've never, I mean, I can't even say if she's going to be.

I've never seen her be a bitch. What's your problem over there, fucko? I have no problem. It's it's I can't imagine. It just makes me it makes me like uncomfortable thinking about like just making trouble for someone just for no reason, no reason. Like just especially after I told you, like, listen, man, be cool. Jesus, when I pull you, you go be cool.

Like I expect that's not professionals. Yeah, that's how we do it. Let's not expect everybody to be cool. Right. You know, I'm like, I'm fine. You come over and you go, I'm going to go out with you and do comedy. I know you're going to be cool. Yeah.

If I come out and just punch in somebody because they grabbed your dick, I'm not going to be mad at you. But if I heard that you threw a drink at somebody and called him a contort, I got to be mad. Yeah, you're fucking my shit up. I'm saying you're fucking my shit up. A lot of people don't understand that. It's like I'm doing you a favor. Chill, chill the fuck out. A lot of people understand that.

That's the weird thing when it comes to comedy. People think like in the green room, there's a party. There's no fucking party. I'm watching the SPN. I'm sitting back here drinking water, watching the SPN. Can't wait for the fucking boat shows to be over. There's no fucking party. I couldn't imagine.

Still getting high like I was on the road. Oh, like I can't imagine. No, I can't imagine if I was still doing those drugs. But you came to that point where it's like, OK, I'm going to I'm going to be this guy now or I've got to be this guy. Right. Like that. That's how I was. I was like, OK, I can be the party fun guy for the rest of my life or I can get my shit together. And like first, so I didn't want to be the party fun guy. I didn't give a fuck about parties.

But you know what I'm talking about. You know, I'm talking about as long as I had my grandma blow. Yeah, that's all I gave a fuck about. If I saw I count that as a party, you know, it's funny how a lot of got like I became anti social. Yeah, you know, I was really anti social. I would just get a gram of coconut if by chance I got one up and she knew the rules. Because everybody got another rules before you come over here. The rules are I got a G bow and a half.

You come over here. Somebody's going to get naked the same free the same gratis. I just imagine like a little sign before you get on to like a roller coaster. Like you have to be 48 inches tall. You have to. I was so fucking nuts. So I can't even like you don't really hear about comedians being crazy no more. You don't. You don't know.

It's changing. You know, I'm here about in radio people either. You know, like, you know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. When you get a bunch of radio people into these groups, you know, because there's a, you know, I've been around long enough to where I know some of the older guys have been around for a while. And they tell these stories and you're just like, man, that doesn't, that doesn't happen at all. You know, when I started in the like in the 90s, it kind of ended, I would say, around like 98, 99, you know. And then just you don't have those wild, crazy, huge personalities anymore.

You know, well, I think when Mitch Hedberg died, you know, it shocked people so much, you know. And I love Mitch. I'm not saying nothing bad about him. I'm just saying what everybody knows, you know, there was a couple of comics out there including myself at that time that we were out there doing blowing shit. You don't hear about it no more, you know, when you hear something once a month about this guy or that guy or me, you know, the other day, for anxiety, I have to take a point five, like my Dr. Waxler gives me like a point five. I think it's his annex.

Like tomorrow morning at four when I get up, just the fact that I got to leave my family and shit. I get anxiety. I'm one of those assholes. So in the ride, I'll pop up a point five and don't put you to sleep. But don't make you crash your car. So don't do that for him. But a friend of mine, the other day, said, I got a couple of V's for you. And he laid a couple of V's on me and I took him home and I haven't been able to pick one up. Because the last time I ate, really, a valium, I ate 30 of them in fucking three days.

You know, last time I had a valium, I ate 30 fucking valiums. 10 milligram valiums in three fucking days. I was falling asleep on the stage on the floor. Josh Wolf reminds me about whatever he tells me the stories might like my fucking heart stops. Yeah. Like I still remember it was they were in a brown bag. Like they didn't give me the pill container. And I was shoved my hand in the bag. And I remember shoving my hand in that bag and jiggling the bag around and going, oh, shit.

There's no more valiums. Like I ate 30, 10 milligram fucking valiums. I don't know. I know you said that you don't really hear people going crazy anymore. But at least for me, the way I grew up, if I had if I was still in Boston right now, the most I'd probably would have done would be weed. And just hearing like you already and you doing acid going to Pink Floyd and trying to go to Pink Floyd and then mushrooms and all that.

Like for me, like for me, edibles are kind of crazy. Like like my nature now, they're not another now. It's not a day if I don't have an edible, but it's crazy. It's just crazy. Like to me, that's crazy. To me, that's partying. Like just the fact that people do pills out here, not for like prescribed reasons. Like I would have never thought to take

like a valium or like I was talking with Danny Brown about how the first time I got Bronchitis out here, they gave me codeine and someone asked to buy it if I didn't finish it. And I was like, why would you want to buy this? Oh, I don't get that. And that doesn't happen where you're from. And maybe it did. And I'm just, oh, man, biggest nerd in the world.

Like when I when I move back to that small town where I'm from, man, that this isn't like Indiana, like heroin is a real problem. Real problem in methamphetamine. Oh, huge problem in mass right now. It's crazy. They said heroin to you. And that's maybe that's a weird thing is I left my hometown at 18 and never would never went back.

Right. And I was in college from I was in Boston from 19 to 21, but I was working and kind of really subdued. I didn't do anything crazier than drink. So it's I wonder if I went back now and live there now. It might be maybe it's the same everywhere. But yeah, I was so naive as a kid. Well, this is, you know, I'm kind of close to where Dayton is, you know,

where they keep doing all these stories on, you know, the heroin epidemic. And it seems a center there in Dayton, Ohio. And but yeah, I mean, there was like the town north of us at like 11 overdoses in a weekend, you know? I mean, the Los Angeles doesn't have that in a week, you know? And it was just but going back to your prescription drug things, like anything with opioids, man, that is like a hot ticket. You know, I mean, people, there was a to give you another.

Did you like Fargo the series when I came out? I never watched. No, you never watched it because I love Fargo because it was like, you know, being in one of these little small towns is sort of off the radar. These crazy things happen there. Like this dude like shot five people and killed them over pills. And it was just I mean, and it was, you know, barely a, you know, a two day thing on the news.

But I mean, that really happened. I was scary as shit. And, you know, so when I moved back, I got this apartment like right there on Main Street of my hometown and like 16 foot ceilings. You know, it was like an old building. I think it was built in like 1890 or something. You know, just huge windows. It was just a cool place to live.

Like like a half gymnasium inside. And like more than I don't want to say it happened once a month, but it was, you know, around once every two months. Somebody would knock like some junkie chick would knock on that. I don't know who lived there before I did, but the police had come a couple of times looking for somebody to. But like junkie chicks would just bang on my window, you know, and then when I would come to the door, they'd be like, oh, you know,

shit, sorry and take off running. But, you know, that doesn't that doesn't happen to me in Los Angeles. You know what I mean? But yeah, I can totally see somebody offering you that for coding. That's that's a hot ticket. You know, pills have been a problem for years. Not as bad as the problem now. You know, a couple of years ago with the OxyCotin, OxyCotin.

Yeah, that's that's huge. Yeah, Florida with the pain relief centers and all. And I was telling my wife the other day, a comedian once gave me like a fucking eight of an OxyCotin. And I go, let me go home and pop this thing. I mean, it was nothing. It was nothing. It was a little piece.

And I just popped it and within 30 minutes I had to go lay down. My blood pressure dropped. I'm like, I don't know how the fuck people eat this shit. I don't. I'm sort of one of those people now that I'm paranoid against all pills. You know, you know how like people are getting there's that fringe. I'm starting to join that fringe of like, if it's in pill form, man, I don't want to take it, you know, I'll just I'll find another way. I'll take the pain or something.

I'll wait before I knew Joey and it's still to this day, scares me. I will not take a pill that's not prescribed to me because my mom told me that that's how Bruce Lee died is that he took a pill that was and prescribed for him and he died. It was like the wrong whatever and that that freaked me out. So I don't I don't take I guess maybe I've taken like some codeine and mushrooms and crazy stuff, but I don't prescribe prescriptions. Freaking me out.

I'm like, that's not good. I'm going to be like Bruce Lee, I'll die. You're not going to fucking die. You'll be fine. Well, I was at least one thing in common with Bruce Lee, though. You know, like I've got as it is now, I have nothing in mind. You know, like I've got as it is now, I have nothing in common with that, dude. It's when I was about 17, there was a kid in North

American that his mother had cancer and the mother knew she was going to die. So she would take the pain relief medication and sell it at top dollar because, you know, there were tumor oils, there were Kuwait ludes, but she used to have fucking like this pill that was like a F 66. That's what it sounded. F 66 and people knew like it was like the F 66 express and every pill was like 20 bucks in 1982. Like, yeah, 20 hours, 25 hours was a fucking quarter gram.

You know, so you're like, fuck at it, but I haven't taken an F 66 one time, splitting it with a friend of mine. His name was Kishka. And we used to call them those that they were tumor oils. I used to just call them to me for sure. At that point, that's all he ever ate the kid to me. Come on, don't call me to me, so we split one. And it was like Lee and me, like the way Lee is when I eat a thousand

milligrams and he's like, I was fucked up. And this kid was like talking on the phone and making collages and shit. And I'm fucking lit the shit. But I had eaten all those. And I figured if I didn't die from the F 66 and a couple of the fucking qua ludes, one night I almost died, guys. I was about 17 and I went to a party on 64th Street Field with the dude, Luchi. It was his birthday, his birthday is when my birthday is.

And Luchi always had parties before concerts. If there was a concert at the garden, go by Luchi's at six o'clock. They were already lit. Twenty gorillas lit. So one night he was just having a party, but I took Coke with me when they had the spoons on top of the bottle. You ever see that? No, they used to have little bottles and a little chain with a spoon.

So you could take the lid off and put the spoon and I would put the Coke in my top pocket and I remember I took qua ludes with me and it was like six o'clock at night and I popped two of these gorilla biscuits. And the problem wasn't those days that, like I said, a thousand times. Sometimes the chemist had a table that was crooked. So all the fucking qua ludes juice will go to the last two rows of qua ludes. All the other qua ludes are like duds, but the last two rows, they could kill you. If you let them, I must have popped two of those.

Oh, my God. They woke me up at like three in the morning. I was out for like seven hours out drooling, puking, pissing, shit, you know, foaming the whole fucking deal. How did they justify making a Coke holder with a spoon attached with a chain? Like that seems like, like that seems like, where would even get that? That's like, it's like all that shit that they used to remember. The little glass roses, they still sell those in gas stations over there.

Yeah. How fucking crazy is that? I did not know that till about 10 years ago. Really? Yeah. Like somebody goes, no, let's just go buy one of those. Like, what do you mean a row? You're gonna buy rows?

And I looked at it, I go, you motherfuckers. Yeah. He goes, you never knew that those roses are cracked pipes? I never fucking knew that. Yeah. I mean, like every gas station has them. What do you think? It was just like, you know, what ethnicity gives away these glass roses?

I must know their culture. That's how regarded I was. Yeah. I didn't fucking know. But I was never really scared of, there was only one drug I was scared of. And that was heroin when I did it. I wasn't cocaine. There were some nights my heart wouldn't stop beating.

Yeah. I thought it like a vein got loose in there some nights. It was fucking correct. Well, you're laying in bed with your wife or girlfriend and the whole bed is shaking from your heart. Your heart is fucking people next to you. Wake up and go, are you OK? And now let me ask you this.

What's what's the not to sound naive or anything, but what's the appeal after that happens one time? Who the fuck knows? You know, who the fuck knows? What's the appeal of going to the store after some guy comes on on TV with a fucking curtain on his fucking throat with a voice box and goes, I got this one smoking cigarettes. Why would you go down there?

Yeah. You know, why would you go to McDonald's after you watch the 600 pound man in fucking Houston, Texas, walking around and there's McDonald's. You know what I'm saying? Like, why do we do half the shit we do? We know cigarettes are bad for us. We know caffeine is bad for us. Now, the last year or two or three, they're telling you how bad sugar is

for you, sir. He's on these fucking sugar diets before, you know, we can't eat dick. Rice is bad for your brother's bad for your soda's bad for you. The trader just told me oatmeal was bad for me. Why? What was the reason? I don't know. I kind of walked away. I don't stick it around for those conversations anymore. You know, like how I don't know how old you are, but you know how like

those conversations, like somebody would come up to you and you'd be like, how do I get out of this? Now I just get out of it and it's awesome. And I don't know why it took me so long. I'm still not getting out of it. Yeah, I try to be polite. If I'm in a Russian shit, I got to make a move. Yeah. If I could be polite, I'm always trying to be.

But how many conversations did you have where somebody's just like, you're just like, huh? And you're like, oh, my God. And now it's just like, all right, I got to go. And it's like, I don't know why it was so hard for all those years to just go. All right, I'm I'm out. I'm done with this one. A couple of weeks ago, I had a tape something for Animal Planet.

And it was a long fucking day, you know, we started like nine and we had to go downtown to the west side and then back to my house. And we had to do this all by five. But if the baby got back, then we took like a two hour breathe and I had to go to Flappers. They wanted me to do 10 minutes on cats. I had like four minutes on cats. Yeah. And I just wrote a couple of dumb shit.

Just all they did was 10 seconds. Yeah. I go down there and I'm sitting there and it's the gong show. Oh, yeah. They're doing the gong show. NBC is bringing it back. ABC. I'm like, no, they had the judges and shit. And they had like 40 people in the audience, you know, and there were people down there that I noticed the comic was there

that does a character around town. Yeah. I don't know about that shit. He comes over, what are you doing here? I got to do a 10 minute spot, brother. You know, I go, you know, there's just comics who want to know what the fuck you're doing. They just can't take hello for what's up, man. You're good. Good. Good to see you. Yeah. They see you talking to somebody and all that person.

They want to come over and mingle and be cute. Yeah. You know, so this guy was one of those guys. He comes over, you know me, bro. I got no hatred for somebody like that. What are you going to do? He comes over, hi, how are you? Good to see you, man. And who are you? Oh, how interesting are you guys shooting a show? You know, all that shit. Yeah.

Meanwhile, he's like going in his pocket for a business card. He's got a resume in his back pocket. You know, the whole fucking deal. Nice guy. I've known this kid for like 15, 16 years since he was a kid doing comedy in Florida. You may as well just name him now. He comes over, he comes over again. He is like, so what are you doing?

And he's asking me all these questions, you know, I'm fucking dying. All I want to do is do these fucking 10 minutes and go home. And now I got these people from the gong show asking me, do you mind if we take your set? Do you mind if we put your set on my listen? I don't want to be on the fucking gong show. Yeah. All right. I'm trying to be as nice as I fucking can. OK. Yeah. And they kept coming over.

Yeah, the gong show is going to be a great opportunity for you to listen. I'm not gonging. So forget about the fucking gong show. OK. So already I'm starting to get irritated with the gong show people. Now I got this comedian asking me creepy question. He's, you know, I got the fucking gong show people on the right side. And I got this comedian on the left side and he's asking me questions and I love him dearly.

But he doesn't look at me. He's not looking at my face, knowing that, you know, let me take a hike. Like there's some people that if I look at you, I know it means let me take a fucking hike, not him. Yeah. He's talking, talking, talking, talking, talking. Finally, I go, Doug, you got to take you got to go show Call of the Tree. You've got to go for a walk. OK, and he leaves like he leaves.

I go on stage, I get on stage. These people from. New Wave, our, our. These people from New Wave are going to dress that one. Now, people from New Wave are talking to me, right? These people from New Wave are talking to me. And the next thing you know, guess who comes up to me? The fucking comedian. Yeah.

Guess what he says to me? Hey, man, I got some notes on your set there. He goes and he looks at me and finally he goes, do you want him? And by that point, he looked at me and he goes, he looks at me. He goes, I could tell by looking on your face, you really don't want him. Not really. Take a fucking hike. Oh, my God. And that night I went home and I felt bad, you know, because I know him a long time.

And it's like, when you see a comedian and these people that you don't know, just say hello and keep fucking walking. Yeah, I would never get involved in some. That's amateur. That's business one on one. You know, at the comedy store, there were comics that would go up there at eight thirty and look at the list to see who had a showcase. Like who had a star next to their name. And then they would tag on to you when you walk in.

Who are you showcasing for? APA, really? Yeah. Where are they right there? Oh, hey, how are you? You're like, Jesus Christ, how fucking creepy are you? Like, there's people who live for that shit. I'm not saying that this comedian was creepy like that, but he was creepy like that, right? Now, if I hadn't worked all day, I would have got up and broke it down from. Yeah, I just wasn't in the mood.

I'm just living off sign language here. Look at my body, look at my face. Do I look like I'm going to have a fucking conversation? I look like I want to smoke a joint. I just want to get the fuck out of here. Is that different with radio, though? Like, can you say all the station books, the gas or the state? Like, or do you still get hit up constantly?

I mean, and I'm not trying to have you bad talk anyone, but just like, how does it work for radio? Like, with that booking and having people hit you up? And I'm not I'm not sure that I understand the question. Like, just like, like it's kind of interesting, radio and podcasting are similar, but you work for the station. Right. So do you get hit up to be a guest on your show? And can you say, oh, no, all the station books, the gas?

I don't I can't do it. I'm like, do you know like that? We brandy Castillo and I booked the gas. We usually, you know, there's services to for radio people. You know, we're CBS, right? Well, I guess we're like, are we still CBS radio or we just solds? I'm not sure what we are. But we, you know, we do services.

And then there's a couple of publicists, you know, but we when we get hit up, it's usually through like a third party. I don't even know if it's third party is the right way to say it. But it's somebody that's, you know, how like what they used to say, you know, there used to be those movies where somebody would say, hey, man, listen to my they go to a record label. They listen to my disc, man. It's like we don't take unsolicited material.

And you never really knew what that was. It's kind of the same thing with with some of the bigger radio shows, I think. Right. But there's different ways to get guests to like we go after people as well as as opposed to, you know, hitting us up. But yeah, if somebody hits us up, we, you know, we say no more than we say. Yeah, right. I would imagine.

Obviously. Yeah. But does that answer that? I'm sorry. I'm not sure. Oh, no, I just I'm stoned. I probably wasn't making sense. But another question I had was Joey and I talk a lot about how like you promote podcast and it's how you get it out there. How does that work with radio?

Because it's more of like a local market. How is it? How do you grow a radio show? Well, it's a good question. Billboards. Yeah, we don't. CBS hasn't really done any billboards in a while. But they do campaigns, you know, every once in a while where they kind of flood flood the things, you know, because radio, the way we get radio ratings has changed, you know, over the last, you know,

several years, because remember, you used to have to fill out a diary. And now it's like a little, you know, I think it's a little like pager thing that you put on your your belt loop. And as long as you're moving, it reads what you're listening to. So theoretically, even if you're listening to K-Earth in the car or K-L-O-S in the car, or if you go into Subway, you know, like a Subway sandwich shop, they've got their own radio station there, too. So, you know, it will register there, you know, theoretically.

But, you know, some they've had problems this year. And I don't really understand the problems, but the ratings have been like a little weird starting in January or something. So even that's a little, you know, that's been a little sketchy as of late, you know. But back to your question, how do you market or how do you grow a radio show? It really just takes time, you know, at this point, you know, a couple of things that I've noticed. I noticed that, like, you know, Big Boy is on Channel 5 sometimes.

There's a lot of cross promotion there, like with K-Earth with being a CBS and K-Rock being CBS is always cross promotion with those CBS shows. When you're in a cluster, like, I'm sorry, I keep getting away from the mic, screwing you up. When you're in a cluster, you know, like KNX is our new station. So, you know, like when Prince passed away, we cross promote with KNX and things like that. But how much has it changed in the last 10 years with social media? Well, social media, radio with social media has changed

because there's a huge emphasis on social media. Like we just hired a social media person just for the morning show. But then there's stations like outside of Indianapolis, there's a station called G-1013 and they have like their own social media network. And it's actually really cool, like their morning show and their listeners directly have a lot of interaction, you know, through Twitter, but also through their own platforms. So I thought that that was pretty cool.

I love it when we get listeners because we have listeners call in from Arkansas, you know, a lot of times we have listeners, you know, calling from Mississippi. I like it when they listen on the Internet or listen on their phones and stuff like that. So that's changed quite a bit. I don't know the percentage of our listeners that are international, but but I like I know that when I was doing sports when I was gone that that that time I was doing play by play and there would be people in Jordan, you know, listening to some of the play by play.

So that was always, you know, that was always huge. But social media, I think, is probably the biggest tool to promote radio at this point, much like podcasts. Obviously, I would stern promote this show in the beginning. A lot different than the show began promoted to there was no social media. Right. So you had to use word of mouth consistently. I remember the street teams. Well, I think an interesting thing, too, is it like, you know, when I came on with the Hollywood Hamilton show, there was a longer expectation,

like there was, you know, it's going to take this amount of time and not amount of time range from about a year to two years and with social media and stuff and it just being a faster thing. And I don't think that a morning show would get, you know, but more than a couple of months, you know, if it was a new one coming on in a big market, you know, I don't think it would get like a two year run anymore. It's funny. When we started this podcast, we were a morning radio.

We would fucking, you know, start at six a.m. You know, I don't even know why we did it that way. I thought about it for a while and I go, Lee, let's just wake up early and get it over with. Yeah. You know, but it was fucking rough because we would get blasted. We'd get blasted. The rest of the day is fucking gone.

I was getting anxiety walking down the steps in this house and I'm like, how the fuck am I so high? And it was hard to get guests. Real hard to get fucking guests. It is hard to get guests out early in the morning, you know. And then we switched it to a nighttime because that nobody breaks appointments. You can't, well, how busy can you get at eight o'clock?

I'm saying, it's a big money gig, but it's Monday and Wednesday. So we decided on those little things and we released early in the week. We were released a lady in the week. We, our numbers wouldn't be higher, you know. There's so much of, this was such a grassroots type effort. Yeah. And Lee and I saw the growth together. I mean, it's kind of scary, you know, it's.

Can I tell a story real quick about about one time? I don't know if you remember this story or not, but I took a demo that you and I, you brought Joe Rogan in one day. Right. Do you remember this? Yes. You brought him in and that show was, was phenomenal. It was hilarious and it was, it was very male oriented.

And I was like, this would sound great on KLSX, which was a sister station we had over there at CBS radio two. And I made this demo and it was pristine. And I had a PowerPoint presentation that I was taking. I was like, Joey Diaz and Joe Rogan, these guys on the radio, this is going to be big. You know, this is going to be, you know, it's going to be, people are going to be into this.

So I took it into the office of a man named Jack Silver, who's now at NBC sports. He grabs my CD, throws it in a trash and he goes, I need more talk radio listeners, not more talk radio talkers. And now you're here with your millions of listens. And Joe Rogan is on his podcast. I tell that story all the time because it's just, you know, kind of indicative, you know, of how timing,

you know, works out sometimes. Get Jack Silver on the phone right now. What do you say? I don't need, I need what? He goes, I need more talk radio listeners, not more talk radio talkers. And he threw, he threw the CD in the trash. And presumably didn't dig it out and listen to it later.

But I was so proud of that demo, man. And I still, to this day, I think that was a great demo. And that was some of the best radio I ever heard was when you guys came in and just did your thing. And I sat back and it was, you know, I would listen to that. And I'm critical of radio, you know, I don't listen to a lot of podcasts. I don't listen to a lot of radio,

but I would listen to that. I would sit tight for that. You know, when I do his podcast, it's like a fucking event. Yeah, I bet. I've had my agent call me and say, they talked about you and the Rogan podcast and the company meeting this morning, like the numbers, you know. Yeah.

It's, I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. First off, he knows how to press my buttons. He knows, by him doing little things, I'm going to get fucking agitated. And he knows me that well. I don't get agitated right away. It's a slow simmer.

And him and Red Band know how to push that slow simmer. When they look at their phones or they have talks about phone networks and shit. That shit just drives me fucking insane. I've never hung out with guys and talking about phones or shoes or something. Yeah, right. I'll never forget, one time I made a mistake.

I went against my whole philosophy of life and I got in the car with Rogan and Red Band and drove to Irvine to do a weekend on Friday night in traffic. And they got into a conversation about cocaine and I wanted to shoot them both. But they were both trying to tell me to stop snorting coke. But they were both talking like they knew about drugs. Red Band was talking about how he was a drug dealer in Columbus

and creepy people coming to his door. Let me tell you something. If Red Band was ever a drug dealer in Columbus, I'd rob him. That's just me. I would have smacked him and robbed him and shit. Let me give some shout out to you. How do you feel on the cough medicine? You feel it tonight?

Not as much as the other night? Not as much. Are you excited about Verizon's new unlimited package? How about I stab you in the fucking neck? C-Mac 87. My brother Dante Guzzini. Locomotive. What?

Braun. Crystal Johnson. Frank White. Irv Hughes. And Doc. Or Jock Hamilton. Doc Hamilton. Whatever.

You know I love your cocksucker. Don't forget House of Comedy. Tomorrow night, bitches. I think Friday and Saturday might be 10. You better get those tickets tomorrow night. I'm telling you. Anyway, who gives a fuck? No.

Him and I, I don't know what. You know it's funny. I don't talk to him much like what people would think. I talked to him when we used to work together. I'd sit next to him on a plane and we'd talk. And I could see that there was something there. Like when we get to, even on those podcasts, he knows that I could be quiet for 45 minutes.

Like I'll take the beat for 45 minutes. I'm one of those guys. I'll play possum like a motherfucker. I'll let you talk all fucking afternoon. But guess what? I'm gonna boil eventually. And I'm gonna keep taking this fucking year beating. And once I get one of those year beatings,

I just go off. I fucking hate your beatings. I've hated your beatings since I was a young man. Jesus fucking Christ. Lisa, yes. Yes, sir. What are you doing over there? Who knows?

No, I'm feeling good. Fidgeting over there and shit like that. I always fidget. But no, I can't believe we didn't know that we did at CD. CD of the three of clubs. I don't think we, I don't think he put it together. I told him, did I tell you now or this afternoon? You told me, you told me that he was coming on

and you told me about the National Lampoon stuff. And I was over YouTube. I couldn't even find one. But no, you didn't tell me about the three of clubs until tonight. Me, him, what was the kid that helped us do it? The open and act great kid. I still see him around. He's around.

Was Jerry doing that? No, he was running it. No, I forget the kid's name that was running. And he's still around. I still see him. Your boy mixed it. We got a little crowd in there. We giggled.

Whatever. Thank you for pushing me to do it. Yeah, that's right. You didn't want to do it. That's right. I forgot about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I told the truth. I fucking tell people I didn't want to do it. And you talked to him. And then when you heard it, you didn't like it. No, I hate fucking my voice, man. You know, I could be fucking Whitney Houston type singing and I would hate my voice. One of those guys.

I just don't want to see me. I don't want to hear me. Just play the fucking thing. You know, you know how many times people have contacted me and said, hey, okay, this video. I'm like, whatever. I'm like, God damn it. Why didn't I fucking watch this shit?

I looked for you. Why did I have that red hat on or something stupid? You gave me great advice one time. I don't even know you were trying to give advice, but you said you had taken a blank CD into an agent and then you asked him later, how was he? He's like, oh, man, it was great. It was great.

And then there was nothing on it. Nothing on it. Fuck you. You're not my agent. I did that to people. I was doing that to people constantly. Constantly. Like there was, I sent the one comedy tape out

and that was to Mark Babbitt. That was blank and he hired me. Yeah. Tongue was the best comedy I see in the future. I'm fucking howling at the house. And then there were agents in town that would really agitate the fuck out of me. So that they would call me and I talked to them

and I go, all right, I'm doing the spot tonight. 10, 45 in the comedy store. And they go, nah, nah, nah, send us a tape. Why are they sending a fucking tape for? You live right here that way. Yeah. Just go to the comedy store and see what I'm about and this will make it easier for you and shit like that.

And I would send them blank fucking tapes. Oh, that was great. I don't know what, what was the name of the movie? It was you and you didn't see the tape. There's ain't no tape, bitch. What the fuck was that guy's name? He's the one that told me to put a handcuff on and go on stage and start talking about being the lost.

Like a handcuffer on your wrist? Yes. Like you escape from the cops? Yes. And be the lost. And you have to travel around the world with that? He wanted me to be the lost blues brother. That guy is now selling fucking,

he's the number three guy at Chipotle. He's the guy that picks up the meat and don't make eye contact. You know what I'm saying? He knows what he's giving you. He's hoping to make it up to the cashier? Oh my God. I'm happy. You're still doing what you're doing, man.

You're still doing what you love. You're happy, you're off the fucking sauce, the pills, whatever the fuck you want, even though you're a miss. Yeah, I wasn't really, I was on prescribed pills. I mean, it was funny. I got, I had, I got miss. Diagnosed.

Diagnosed on time. They gave me the wrong voltage. What? They gave me the wrong fucking. Dosage. Like dosage and I was taking it for a while. Oh my God, whatever the fuck it is. Dosage, voltage.

Is there any difference? Damn, you and Lou Reed, man. And I didn't feel good, man. I just didn't feel good about myself as a human being. I mean, yeah, I was doing a fucking gram and a half a blurry night and then taking the anxiety pills. Like something's not right, chemically balanced.

But then I took a few days off from the blow and I kept eating those pills and I was feeling worse. The coke was helping it. And I remember taking one of those pills and giving it to Sergio Love. You know what Sergio is? You remember Sergio Love comedian?

I called him up. I go, Sergio, come over. I can't remember, do you? Yeah. I got this pill for you. It's off the charts. It's the newest thing in China. Let me know what you think about it.

It was basically an anxiety pill. Yeah. He took it like two days later. He's like, dog, whatever the fuck that was. That shit was heavy. And I was like, I'm getting it. I never did an anxiety pill again. Yeah, yeah.

That's why I was asking you creepy questions about anxiety. And we talk a lot about the podcast. We talk about fears and anxiety. And you know, today, like I said, I've been in the hell lately with this breathing thing. Yeah. And today, the last thing I wanted to do

was go to Jiu Jitsu. So I go in the back, I get the jump rope. I start jumping rope and guys, I can feel myself passing out. Yeah. Like my own fear in my mind, guys. Yeah. Nothing was happening to me.

Oh, I didn't know. Nothing was happening to me. It's like the emotion just for no reason. Take over you. It's just there. It just takes over you fucking mind, guys. I don't know. There was nothing wrong with me.

Nothing at all. And I kept jumping rope and my breathing would get heavy. And I'm like self-panicking now. I'm catching myself because I kept doing it, doing it, doing it, doing it. And I'm like, I don't know how I'm gonna make it through Jiu Jitsu. Like when I walked in, I'm like, this is not gonna be a good day.

Yeah. I drank some fucking water. I kept drinking some water. I got on the line and you know what, man? 20 minutes into Jiu Jitsu. I was having a fucking blast today. Yeah, yeah. Sweating everywhere, dripping from my knee and my head.

I'm like, this is tremendous. Yeah. Yeah, the exertion helps a lot because I took up running too. I actually got a couple of marathons done. No way. Yeah, I got two of them in. That's fucking, that's hard. But yeah, I've done a couple of halves,

but I wanted to do the LA marathon, but it is fucking raining. It's like raining constantly here now. Can't train. But yeah, I think the running helps for sure. Just like Jiu Jitsu, you get a good sweat going, man. That kind of, that mellows a lot of things out. Makes your mind right.

That first puff of sweat that comes out of my body when I go in the panic is the weirdest feeling my body ever experiences. Yeah. It's like, I do what I gotta do and all of a sudden, I'll sweat a little bit, but then there's that panic sweat. When the panic comes out and all of a sudden I gotta pee. Yeah.

I gotta pee right away. I mean, right away. I gotta pee right fucking hell. It's such a fucking horrible feeling. I always kind of, when I would talk about it, described it like it was like a little shot glass, just filled with like crazy shit, like every fear and every anger and every,

you know, just everything that ever made you anxious. And it's just teetering right there on a wire. And you feel it, you feel it, and then it tips over and then it's just there. Kind of like it just overtakes everything. And yeah, man, when I was, excuse me, when I worked here in the valley before I ever started working, you know, for a radio station here,

you know, there was a time where, you know, you're just like, you know, I had this little office and I'm surrounded by nothing but file cabinets and there's no windows. And, you know, I can't tell you how many times I'm just in there and just like, you know, you're ready to just scream. You don't know what to scream or to crawl into the table. It feels like a fire drill, you know, that's, you know,

that's real shit, man. It's weird. I do that sometimes in the car. If I get really frustrated, yeah, I've done that, like, especially coming back from that job. Yeah. Just like, just scream if it helps sometimes.

Right, yeah. But again, not since 2009, man, shit hasn't happened. It happened like three to seven times a day. And then, oh, yeah, it was like, you know, I always have to like excuse myself from rooms and things like that. Because you could feel it kind of coming on,

but yeah, man, I also had really bad asthma. So it was like, you know, I'm glad that that life is a lot easier to deal with, you know, when you're not having to fucking deal with that. So I, you know, I hope it helps out. A lot of people listen to the show that when we discuss situations like this, a couple of days later, they send me emails and they're like, yeah,

we're happy you talked about, you know, everybody goes through weird shit. Oh, sure. This has been going on with me for about three and a half years now. These panic attacks at Jiu-Jitsu. I got a panic attack, a little, little tiny one at the Wiltern Theater. Little tiny one.

I got a little tiny one at the goddamn comedy jam. Were you performing at the Wiltern? Yeah, dude. Yeah, I can see that. When I walked out on stage, I got a little fucking whatever. And now, you know what? I breathe out of my nose. That helps.

Then I got the surgery. So I completely took those old Coke rocks out. You ever do the meditation thing? You ever try that out? I sit by myself every morning. I cross my legs, you know. I get my spine straight. Yeah.

I close my eyes and I breathe for about seven to 10 minutes. She's out of my nose. Then I put a mouthpiece in and I breathe through. This is all my work out. Because it bothers the fuck out of me. When something bothers the fuck out of me, I work on it, you know. I don't try to really kick it to the side. So, boss Rootin, he has a mouthpiece and he said that

if you do a certain work out through the mouthpiece, it'll eliminate asthma because it makes you push. Oh, really? It's you clip your nose. You clip your nose and you just breathe in and out, in and out. It just makes your lungs. No. Diaphragm?

Diaphragm. Stronger. Yeah. You know, so I do a little work out in the morning. So that breathing has helped me a lot. I can't lie to you. But you know where I get anxiety? You ready for this?

The original room at the company, you know. Really? Just the original room. Really? The main room, I'm fucking Barishnikov. Yeah. I come out jumping and slinging on the fucking little room. Every time I walk up those steps, I get to the top of the steps.

I gotta take my jacket off and throw it in the chair. And if I have enough time, I sit. Then the light comes on for the time it can perform me and my heart starts racing. As he's bringing me up, I just keep breathing, breathing, breathing, breathing. I make sure I got water, breathing, breathing, breathing. As I'm walking up, I'm basically dying.

And once I hit the stage, it just dumps. And then I do what I do. But those six minutes are a fucking nightmare. Yeah. And it happens with the stars, without the stars, with marijuana, without marijuana. Like, I've experimented. Like, well, you know, I'm getting anxiety.

Absolutely. Because I'm eating 18,000 milligrams of THC. You know, there's always somebody chasing you when you eat 1,800 milligrams of THC. You know what I'm saying? No, there's nights I won't eat for three or four days and go down there. Sure enough, the original Friday at 11.30.

I woke up. My heart's beating out of my chest. I feel like I'm going to fucking faint. Yeah. You know, I'm walking minus two miles an hour. And I'm gasping for air. Yeah. When you guys say anxiety, attack, what do you mean?

Because I don't know. I don't know if I've had an anxiety attack. I've probably. Jews don't have anxiety attacks. No, they don't have too much money. Sometimes things slow down a little bit. I think it'll seem like a little bit. Definitely doesn't slow down.

It didn't slow down for me. Again, like. Like sped up but slowed down at the same time. Yeah. Again, like I just had sort of symptoms of anxiety attacks. I don't think, you know, it was the sort of panic. You know, because I don't want to compare it to that because I don't know what other people feel

when they feel that panic. Right. Yeah. I just know that for me, a lot of things that he's talking about, the heart and the chest, but it was a racing mind. So it was like, it wasn't slowed down. It was just like, you get all this information

and it could be information that you got five days ago that's just suddenly just pelting your head all at once and you don't have a place to put it almost. And, you know, it feels like you're going to pass out, but there's no passing out. So that was, you know, that was one of the things too. But, you know, like I would just sort of like break down in tears a lot too.

You know, just be sad like, you know, something horrible happens. But then what's what's weird about it, I don't know if you remember this, but like in like real stressful situations, I could handle shit. Like, do you remember that that car crash that happened right in front of the lampoon that time

where that chick or eyeball exploded and stuff? I was like the first person there and I'm all like, okay, you sit here. I took my shirt off, bandaged your head up, called the ambulance. The guys over at that newspaper stand who are all comedians are just like, hey, you can't do that.

And I'm like, did you either help? Help or don't, you know, kind of thing. And then I went around the corner after all of that happened and they get her all bandaged up, get her ready to take her out. And then I like puked and start crying and stuff like that. So then that's when the attack happened.

But during it, that was, you know, it was fine. That's when everything slowed down and everything was like calm. But, but yeah, the panic attacks were just, it's just this, you can't, I would always kind of describe it as a, you've got like six wheels turning and they're all kind of turning at different speed and they're all different sides or sizes.

And I've got to slow them down and get them in sync somehow. And I can't do it, you know, and that's, you know, that was sort of the beginning of it. And then that's what you were always trying to do. And that's what I was always trying to do. I don't think I get full blown anxiety attacks. I get panic attacks when I'm on the bottom in jujitsu

and I can't breathe. That's when I start to panic. I start to breathe through it. Like over the years, I've learned how to breathe through it on some things. Sometimes I just tap and I have to get up and just breathe. And then I get right back on the bottom and we start all over again.

I'm not going to lie to you, you know, you drink a soda and you eat an edible and you got a plane and you mix caffeine with that edible, you know. I've been to the point sometimes on that plane where I've said to myself, I could see me freaking out. Yeah. I didn't even just get up and start yelling for now. Like that's the point, but it's edible pushed.

It's not my own mental. Yeah. Like I never, when I get that state, you're not going to hear a fucking people out of me. You know what I'm saying? It's like I'm a yellow tromb. No, no, no. I'm just, I'm just going to pass it out.

I'm a pass out artist. Yeah. You know, when I see blood, I pass out needles. I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm one of those fucking mooks.

Do you ever pass out in front of him? Do you, do you pass out in front of him? No, no, no. I just remember him telling me that and I was so shocked by that. I think that one night I went to. It was a UFC. There you go. There you go.

Dude got to. Joe Daddy Stevenson. Yeah. For BJ Penn. Right. I'm in my house, no blown, no nothing. I'm sitting on the couch, minding my own business. And BJ Penn opens up Big Daddy's fucking head.

And there's blood everywhere and I'm dealing with it. I'm looking away. I'm petting the cat. But all of a sudden they show like a towel. Yeah. And that was it. It was over, man. I woke up at four in the morning.

My shirt was drenched. You know, my sleep apnea was in full effect. He was feeling it too. Like the next day, he's just like, I can't believe this is blood. Or not the next day, but like that Tuesday. I think it was. You're fucking me for a couple days. The time with Ralphie May.

When I passed out on Ralphie May at the UFC. That was completely crazy. Yeah. I was watching the fight show when he went into his corner. Same thing. I saw him wiping blood off his neck. Bam. I went down.

Thank God there was a doctor next to Ralphie May. But I'm one of those fucking jerks. So I'll go down. I know how to breathe now a little better. I've been really good with the blood, whatever, lately. You take blood out. I looked the other way. I put an iPod on.

Yeah. I've never, I've never looked at that shit. I know there's people who could shoot themselves. Yeah. And pull the pump. Fuck you. Oh. Yeah.

Fuck you. I have a friend that's diabetic. He doesn't even like lift his shirt up anymore. It's just like through the shirt. Now they're just like with the insulin. And it's just quick. It always gets me too. I'm like, I have to look away when he does it.

I would love to do a little taste of heroin with Anita one day. What? And I'm like, let's do it too and take my chances. That's okay, sorry. But I'm not talking about the shit they're doing. Columbus and all those dating. I'm talking about what they're doing, do a minor scoop of it.

Just like a little, so I'm high for two hours. I puke a little bit. That type of shit. I don't know if you can place orders like that, Joey. Yeah, you can. If I could find somebody, like a good nurse to come over here and shoot me with a little bit of age, give you a little shot in the ass too.

I swear to God, Joey, if you bring a nurse over here, I'm driving back to Boston. I wouldn't even go to pick up Paula. No, you wouldn't. Oh my God, I'm fucking gonna get a B12 shot. Now I think it'll be fine. Listen to me. I'm just gonna get about a month.

We're gonna get a nurse to come over one day and shoot us with the finest Chinese heroin that ever fucking was made. You understand me? That didn't take long at all to go from my adult mess with any of that shit too. Nah, but this is the final frontier. I'm 54 years old.

I'm 28. That's right. This is just a little taste. This is not a shot. This is not a hot shot. This is not a $10 bag. This is something that people... We're gonna find a nurse that's willing to do this.

For $20, I could find a lot of people doing anything. For $25. I think you're just gonna find a heroin addict to give her a nurse uniform. I've got a good nurse to come in with intravenous, the whole thing. Intravenous for what? Sure.

Give us a little fucking pop-tart in one arm and a little H in the other one. Look at Luke Kevin Cowd. He's getting uncomfortable. He's not selling me on it. Who's that? No, I'm just kidding. No, no.

Oh, we'll get some Chinese dude to come and bring us opium. Sure. And then we'll... You know how you do opium, right? You lay back and you smoke and you hallucinate and they turn the lights off and they tell Chinese stories and shit. What would you rather do?

Sounds like a fascinating podcast. What would you rather do? What would you rather do? We'll get the nurse in there. We'll hallucinate. Two years ago, you were gonna get far. We'll go for the opium, Lee. I think I have to draw the line at the opioids.

No, I've seen Peaky Blinders. It looks fun. Lee, it's fun. One time, I ain't gonna kill nobody. Don't believe nobody. All these amateurs talking shit. They don't know nothing. Listen, until you do a little bit of China White,

you don't see the real devil. All we're doing is seeing those messages. The messages are all I can handle at this point. Lately, all this shit you've been seeing for the last four years, these are just his messages. The same, the original, the master disaster. It's a darkness. I just love the conversation where you somehow trick.

It's like how they trick those poor women into assassinating Kim Jong-un's brother in the airport. You're gonna trick this poor nurse. Here, we're doing B-12. I got my own B-12. You're likely B-12. I know that they're on Groupon right now. You can't get a nurse on Groupon.

Dog, if they're on Groupon, I can talk them into anything. There's a lot of shit you can get on Groupon. If they're on Groupon, I can talk them into anything. On Groupon, you get a vitamin D shot and an adrenaline thing, a vitamin B, whatever. Yeah. It's like $28. I don't know what it is.

I just saw it the other night. I went out there for my wife to get her a new yoga thing. And I got really stoned. I said, let me look at yoga things. And I didn't know you could narrow them down. And I narrowed them down. I found a yoga studio before. I had to tolerate all this shit for like an hour.

Oh, right. And I went and I saw a fucking intravenous and D12. I also narrowed down the fucking kettlebell gyms in Studio City, cocksucker. You should be ashamed of yourself. There's 30 of them on Groupon. No, there's not. There's whatever it's called.

Go right now. Go right now to Groupon in front of us. Right now, it's the same difference. They do kettlebell class. Go to kettlebell classes in Studio City. And I guarantee you get five right off the fucking top. Crossfit. Anything to get you out of the house.

It's $18, some of them. That is the best fucking deal. Yeah, no, I like it. About the kettlebell workout? No, no. Groupon. Oh, yeah. No, Groupon.

I use it all the time. Groupon is brilliant. It really is. Yeah. Listen, I don't want to buy the house. I just want to lease one. Right, right. You know, there's a, I always find it fun.

I can't remember which show it was, but there was a concert. It was like two for one tickets. And it was a good show. They had somebody on there now. Yeah, they had a Metallica. Somebody was on there. Yeah.

And I was like, whoa. Yeah. Oh, Profits of Rage is Profits of Rage. Two for one tickets. Really? Yeah. Like when they played the, I think it was Palladium maybe? No, I don't think it was Profits of Rage.

It was somebody bigger than Profits of Rage. And I was in shock. Oh, no, this is the one I saw. Oh, I just saw this deal there. I haven't been seen. They got great fucking deals on there. Dude, it's great. That's where I got the fucking hypnotist lady from.

It was Grupa. You know, I tried to do that once and it didn't take. Yeah, it didn't take. I tried it, but it was in fairness. It was a guy who did hypnotherapy, but then was also like a hypnotherapy comedian kind of guy that, you know, made you, made you act like a, you know, tip shit on stage kind of one of those dudes. Is that real?

I guess it's real. I mean, I've seen it. That guy in Boston. We had a guy come into Nampoon one time and he didn't get everybody, but he got some of them. He got like three of them. And what did he make them do? Just like euphoric feeling of,

orgasmic euphoric feeling. And then she went all like, you know, I'm not going to imitate her, but, but that was the only one I remember. But I remember other people were hypnotized. I don't remember all of it though. I think I've done too many drugs. It didn't take or it did take. The first time I did it with this lady that Dr. Bidici recommended,

something happened. I gotta be honest with you, something did fucking happen. Yeah. Somewhere along the line, I went out and I came back. I can't lie to you about that. Did it take? I don't fucking know. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? And then she gave me some keywords to say, whatever I would get panic attack. Just used about the keywords and I'm still here. And then jump out of the window. Yeah. Well, that's good. And then this lady here,

I didn't go out, but I noticed something. I noticed that when I got there, I wasn't going 100 miles an hour. I walked in there like, you know, and as soon as I sat down, I got more and more like her voice, you know, and she took me to somewhere. I don't know if I passed out though. Yeah. What about when song is because like I had my first massage on Friday or Saturday. We spoke about it on Monday.

But afterwards, I just, I felt like more relaxed than I've ever felt in my life. Did you do, what do you guys do that for panic or anything to help you guys? I never did. No, no, no. It was recommended, but we don't have a lot of massage parlors and I don't know. I just, I don't know. I don't want somebody touching me when I'm having a panic attack anyway.

Yeah. I'm laying down and looking at the fucking floor. The other day I went, I go to the chiropractor and laid down and I got a panic attack. Yeah. Because I couldn't breathe because the way the thing was at that time had me all fucked up. So she's like, are you okay? I'm like, not really. I got up, I looked around, I breathed a little bit and I was fucking fine.

Fuck. It happens, man. It's how you handle those things. That's all it is. I've learned, I used to, when I first experienced them, I was a kid. And I think I would cry and shit, but they didn't give me dick. My mom would give me like Blackberry Brandy. Right, right, right.

She'd say, go take that. And there's a difference too between doing, you know, just being nervous about something too. That's not necessarily a panic attack either, even if it's being really, really nervous. Like, you know, coming in here, I was a little more nervous than I am going to work. Because it's a different environment, you know, and, you know, you have different listeners and Are you on air? I'm Karen. No, not really.

It's like, I'm like in the background. I'm not union, so I'm not on a microphone. So I make little quips and shit from time to time. But no, mostly just a producer and, you know, button pusher and things like that. Yeah, but not too much. But what was I saying? What are you talking about? What the fuck knows?

Nah, I don't fucking know. I have no fucking idea. That's a good point. You know, it's funny, at least I, you know, it's funny that you're 28. How old are you now, Karen? I'm 42. You're looking good, bro. Thanks, man.

Looking handsome. I thought you were like 36. No, thanks. I was 36 when we met. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. I was a little, no, I was younger now. You're right.

It's like 33. It's funny, Lee, like right now, how old is Johnny Rockley? I think he's about my age. He was in the story on that with Rizzo. Okay. You've known Johnny Rockley now for four years. Right. Since we shot the CD in Irvine that time in Bray.

Right. At 15 years, you're going to bump into Johnny at the comedy store at Sony. And you're going to be so fucking happy. Whether you talk to him or not, you know, look at somebody who survived the fucking Holocaust out here. Well, it's weird just even just to say I've known Johnny for probably about five years. That's weird. I think when you get out here, you just kind of put your head down.

And it's, it blows my mind that I've known him for five years. I've known you for six or something like that. Steve Simone for five, something like that. Like it's when you really sit down and think about how long you've known people. And this just goes for anybody. I talked to today, this guy texted me for my first job ever in LA. He just bought a house. He's really excited.

And it's, uh, it's just weird. And like when you come out of college, you just kind of put your head down. And when you kind of bring it up for a second. That's why I tell you, motherfucking dog, it moves fast. Oh, it does, man. It moves fast. Fuck. You know, if you watched last week was my birthday, one of my buddies put 37 years.

I went and left the house. I'm like, man, how do you know somebody from 37 fucking years? Because I mean, I'm doing the math now. Has it been 11? We know each other for 11? 11 years, man. How long, when did you get out of here? Well, I got out here in 2000.

I was here already. I was waiting. Yeah. Yeah. So. And I met you years later. I think I met you in 2005. In 2006, 2005, 2006.

What the fuck was I promoting? Oh, I don't know. That I had. Oh, no, no, no, no. I do know. I do know. Uh, oh, shit. Dude, it was, uh, you were on tour with a bunch of Latin comics.

Paiaso Comic Slam? Was it, was it Paiaso? I don't think it was that. I think that came after. No, that came after, I think. Oh, but yeah, it was, it was you and, um, man, I'm just going to throw everybody scrambling in my brain right now because I want to say Joey Medina,

but I don't think Joey Medina was. No, I wonder what the fuck it was. I'm just happy to see you, Kevin. Yeah, man. I'm glad you're in the fucking neighborhood. You know what I'm saying? Like that's good. Yeah.

Running into my, my buddy ran into you at 711 to he said. Yeah. Somebody keeps. It's weird, man. I run into a lot of. Just now I went over to the weed store and I bumped into Kevin's buddy. Yeah. So I got Kevin's number.

Kevin from the guy that built the studio. So I got his number. You know, he, this is a small community. You know, you know, this is small over here. This is just like I like it. Yeah. I don't want to live anywhere else in California. I love these, these five or six little blocks here.

Yeah. I love it. Are you in this block around here? I mean, I don't want to give away your. Yeah, I'm close to a little canyon. Okay. But I'm in that little nice white nest in there. Yeah.

It's just a white nest of nice people. Man, I like, I lived in Silver Lake for so long. Like I lived in Silver Lake from like 2000 until whatever 2009 or something like that. And then everybody always bad talks the Valley, but I'm not from here. So I don't really have a frame of reference. But then I get to the Valley and I'm like, this is like quiet. And my car is not getting stolen. I love it, man.

I'm down. I'm down for sure. Let me tell you how white my name is. This morning, the baby's talking to my wife about something. You know, I was already stoned. I ate breakfast. I wrote, I did a video. I tweeted.

I look at them and I go, you know what? I'm like, I'll start the car. My wife drives her. But I go, I take the ride. Well, we take my wife's car. I go out that start my wife's car. I don't want to listen to fucking music. It's beautiful out this morning.

Yeah. You know, it's not like a nice dose of vitamin D and fucking eat more, you know what I'm saying? When that sun's fresh, the air is fresh. I went out there and just sat on there. Every morning I get out here. I've run by this place before. Like I get out and run in the weekends at like six in the morning,

five in the morning, because that's, you know, it's when I'm up anyway. So I know exactly what you're talking about. You know, I was out there just getting there, man. I didn't give a fuck how long they took. I was stoned. The sun was beating on my face. Just that situation with that warmth. Yeah.

I've always been a fan of that fucking warmth. Even when I lived in Jersey, it was cold. Just that, that sun, you know. First personal walks by me as a guy with a dog. Hey, how you doing? Good morning. Beautiful dog. Thank you.

Black chick walked by me with a fucking Chihuahua. Good morning. I said, good morning to her. She looked me straight in the face. I said, good morning. Nice day today. Thank God it's not raining. Some stupid shit.

Have a great day. Some fucking white dude old, like 90. About 10 minutes, like, ah, 10 minutes. Maybe like four minutes later, he walks by. He just waves. Okay. Okay. Because there's a park by my house.

So they go to the park and walk around the park. Yeah. So I'm sitting there and I look at this. I looked down the corner and there's this woman. She's got to be maybe 44. I know she's married. She's got expensive clothes on. You know what I'm saying?

Like she's got the hoodie and the whole fucking day. Right. And she's walking towards me. She spots me and she crosses the street. So I just want to see what the situation is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So as she gets by my house, I go, good morning. Guys, not even a fucking friendly fuck you.

Yeah. And right after her, another chick that thought she was fucking Kim Kardashian comes walking. She's on my side of the street. She's 10 yards from me. She crosses the street. Like I'm going to tackle her to my fucking garage or some shit.

Right, right. Nothing bothers me more than I go, good morning. That fucking hag didn't say that to me. And you know what the weird thing is, is you'll be at like a house party or something in the area. They'll find out what you do and then they'll want to talk to you. Because they just don't want to talk to you. Because I don't know, maybe because you're a big guy.

I don't know. I don't want to talk to them. I know you won't now. Who the fuck wants to talk to them? I wouldn't want to go to those parties with type those type of people. Last time I went to, I got talked into going to an Oscar party. And I talked to my wife.

I go, honey, we got to do something from time to time. Somebody invited us. We got to go like fucking civilians. We were there five minutes. My wife looked at me. She's like, we got to go. And there was a casting director. Well, I had never seen anything like this.

It was those type of people who would walk by me and cross the street. Or he's a scary guy from New Jersey. Oh my God, I hate New Jersey people. Right, right. So I don't even give them the fucking satisfaction. You know what I'm saying? Fuck them. Lisa, I am scared to ask.

Yes, sir. What is on the agenda for the weekend? This weekend. Well, I'm going to go to the casino tomorrow. I think either tomorrow or Friday. I've been playing polygamy this like full set, like actual legit set. So I've been playing at home nonstop.

And then I don't know. We don't have any. No pugs, nothing. We're not playing a pug related plan this weekend. No crepe classes. You never made another crepe. You know that? And I got her crepe maker.

And she's never made another crepe maker read. Who the fuck's on the crepes? I would. I would love crepes. Fuck out of here. That's it. That's all you're doing this week? Yeah.

I don't think we have any full on legit plans. We'll do something. How about you there, my brother from a different mother? This is my weekend of responsibility. The taxes done. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. Doing all that.

Doing all that. I think you'll pick up the black kid. No. Like the big brother program. No, no, no. You're picking up a little cute little black kid, taking them to fucking the park. We're going to go play some frisbee in the park.

We've had some dogs. We've got to join the big brother program. That's not a bad idea. I've been a big brother. I've done big brothers before. My brother, my real brother, has actually been in big brothers for a long time. I've been there for a while.

He's still in there? I don't think he does anymore. I think he moved. Or I think his little brother got big. So he doesn't. So Leason asked you, what's your Twitter handle? Oh, yeah. So my Twitter handle, let me,

because there was a story that went with this. So I went from Lampoon, where I'm interviewing Joey Diaz all the time. Thank you. And talking about very adult things to doing sports, which involved a lot of high school games. Somewhere around high school kids. So I pretty much douched everything out.

I would love to get this started again. It's at Kevin Couch, but the Kevin is with the C and the K is spelling couch. So it's Kevin, C-E-V-I-N, couch, K-O-U-C-H. Okay. And is that how you spell your name? Or is that just how you do this? That's how I had to spell it on Twitter.

Okay, gotcha. It's Kevin Couch, the traditional way. All right. Yes. But just in the Twitter version, gotcha. Yeah, you just gotta reverse that a little bit. I don't really use Twitter that much though, to be honest with you.

Don't you find like social media, I know you guys are getting out of here, but like, I don't like getting on Facebook and shit anymore. I don't care about people's opinions like right now. I'm like, I've never read so many books in such a short time in my life as right now, because I just die and I don't like watching TV. Facebook has gotten very weird after the election.

Yeah. Twitter's still okay. I have a good time on Twitter. Yeah. I still see some pussy pictures and shit like that on Twitter from time to time. No, that's... It's still legit.

That's beneficial. That girl's on Twitter. The one that called into the podcast, that licked guy's assholes and shit. She's naked on Twitter. It's tremendous. Well, isn't she, I don't know what the proper word for it is. Doesn't she, isn't she a prostitute?

Well, the word is not a prostitute. She works at the chicken farm. Prostitute is a very avant-garde. A service provider or something? A service provider. I'm sorry. Come on. And but she puts new pictures up.

I mean fucking Ted's tattoo over the pussy, and there's somebody else on my Twitter feed. Some other crazy chick. What do you disappear? I know Taylor Vixen's back, but she hasn't shown the titties. It's the other one. There's another crazy one. The Cuban girl dropped out.

The lesbian that would always put pictures of a pussy and shit. I think Twitter finally called the director and said, you got to stop. You got to stop. Because I've heard from different porn people, like there's a girl I spoke to one night that said, Twitter, if she would put a picture of herself with a tin up, within 10 minutes the picture would be down.

Oh really? But her best friends show pussy, dicks and assholes, the whole fucking thing on Twitter. They don't give a fuck. Twitter was not for Christians, you know what I'm saying? If you're not on Twitter, it's because you don't need to ask. You follow? Lisa Yad has been eating Blue Apron for about four or five months now.

He's got his dad doing it. You know what? I got a couple other friends that have done it. People who are on the go. People who want to eat healthy. People who want to learn how to cook. People who want to save money. You know?

People who don't want a lot of money hanging around. Save time. That's what Blue Apron is about. Blue Apron's mission is to make incredible home cooking accessible to everyone. You understand me? You got dishes that would kill you. I mean, they're delicious. How good they are.

Lee brought over that chicken with the thing that day. You brought over a little piece to the house. It was fucking tremendous. I can't believe this. Now listen, not all ingredients are created equal. Fresh, high quality ingredients make a real difference. So it's important to know where your food comes from. All right?

Lee loves it. He loves the meals him and his wife get together and they turn it into date night. And between you and I, Lee is learning how to cook. I'm watching him call me up at night and go, you know what? No, I'm learning how to do this. I'm learning how to do that. I mean, you're not going to be a fucking chef,

but at least you're learning how to cook. I cooked on Valentine's Day. I didn't have a Blue Apron meal, but I would have never done that. And I cooked. I found a recipe online and I took the skills that I'd done. I'd done some of these things in Blue Apron. And it's, uh, it's great.

We had, we tried to fuck that. If you loved her, it would be Blue Apron. I'm sorry. That's right, dog. For less than $10 per meal, Blue Apron delivers seasonal recipes along with proportioned, pre-portioned ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals.

Choose from a variety of new recipes each week. Or let Blue Apron's culinary team surprise you. Recipes are not repeated within a year, so you'll never get bored. Customize your recipes each week based on your preference. Blue Apron has several delivery options so you can choose what fits your needs. And there's no weekly commitment,

so you don't only get deliveries when you want them. Each meal comes with a step by step. Easy to follow recipe card. Pre-portioned ingredients that can be prepared in 40 minutes or less. You get home at six by 6.45. You're sitting there like a soldier. Blue Apron's freshness is guaranteed.

And they promise that every ingredient in your delivery arrives ready to cook, or they'll make it right. All right. This week's menu. Let me turn you on to this week's menu. Let's say you get the two people menu. You got smoky pork burgers

and blackened chicken and rice. Let's say you get the family thing. You got Sicilian style, Muccatini, and you got cod and tomato stew. Who's better than you? Do me a favor. Go to blueapron.com right now slash Joey.

All right. This is what we're going to do for you. You're going to love how it feels and tastes and create incredible home-cooked meals with Blue Apron. So do not wait. You understand me? What we're going to do is go to blueapron.com

right now slash Joey. Check out this week's menu and get your first pre-meals free, okay? With free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash Joey. You'll love how it feels and tastes and to create incredible home-cooked meals. That's blueapron.com slash Joey.

Blue Apron, a better way to cook, all right? I love this stuff. I think you're going to love it too. Now, after you eat, you want to catch a little siesta, okay? Everybody wants to take a little nap, you know? And that's where Uncle Joey comes in again because nobody sleeps right.

But with a Helix sleep mattress, you're going to sleep like a doctor every night. You know why? Because you're unique. You don't walk like everyone. You don't talk like everyone. You don't sleep like everyone. So why is your mattress one size fits all?

You might as well go to North Hollywood, get a mattress and go home and die because custom mattresses will cost you five to 10,000 bucks until today. Until Uncle Joey introduces you to Helix Sleep where you can buy a mattress online customized for you for hundreds of dollars instead of thousands.

Who's better than you? Go to helixsleep.com. Answer a few simple questions based on four key preferences and the result will be a custom sleep profile used to build you the most comfortable mattress you'll ever sleep on. Your mattress will arrive at your door

in about a week and shipping is 100% free. And for couples, Helix customizes each side of the mattress. Helix customers report a 30% improvement in overall sleep quality. You got 100 nights to try it out. If you don't like it, they'll pick it up for free

and give you 100% refund. That's why everyone from GQ Magazine to Forbes are all talking about Helix Sleep. Do me a favor, all right? Everybody wants to be comfortable. Go to helixsleep.com right now slash Joey and get $50 off your order. That's right.

That's helixsleep.com slash Joey. $50 off your order, helixsleep.com slash Joey. I also want to listen. This Shroom Tech sport is tremendous. If you just go to Honit and get the Shroom Tech sport and the hemp protein, you're going to love me for the rest of your life. Go to honit.com right now and press in church.

Bam! C-H-U-R-C-H and get 10% off your first order delivered to the house. I want to thank Honit. I want to thank Helix Sleep. And I want to thank my people, Blue Apron feeding people for $10 or less, all right? I'll see you guys Monday morning.

Stay black. I love you guys. I want to thank my main man, Kevin Couch. Thank you, Joey. My bodyguard and trusted goomba, Lee Syat, the flying jeweler pride of Israel. And I'm your host, Joey D, and see you this weekend at Motherfucking House of Comedy

in Minneapolis. Stay black. Don't put me off, cause I'm on fire. And I can't quench my desire. But don't you know that I'm burning up for your love. You're not convinced that that isn't love? I put myself in this position. And I deserve the imposition

that you don't even know I'm alive. And there's pounding in my heart. Just won't die. I'm burning up. I'm burning up, burning up for your love. I'm burning up, burning up for your love. I'm burning up, burning up for your love, for your love. Your aim is closing the door.

Well, it only makes me want you more. And day and night, I cry for your love. You're not convinced that that is enough to justify my want to you. Now tell me what you want me to do. I'm not blind and I know that you want to want me, but you can't let go. Come on, let go.

I'm burning up, burning up for your love. I'm burning up, burning up for your love. I'm burning up, burning up for your love, for your love. Oh, do you want to see me down on my knees? I'm pounding over backwards now, would you please? I'm like the others, I do anything. I'm not the same, I have no shame. I'm on fire.

Come on, let go. Come on, let go. Do you want to see me down on my knees? I'm pounding over backwards now, would you please? I'm like the others, I do anything. I'm not the same, I have no shame. I'm on fire. I'm burning up, burning up for your love.

Yeah, I'm burning up, burning up for your love. I'm burning up, burning up for your love. I'm burning up, burning up for your love. Yeah, I'm burning up, burning up for your love. I'm burning up, burning up for your love. You know you got me burning up, baby. You know you got me burning up, baby. I'm running out for your love

I'm running out for your love I'm running out for your love