Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #459 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: February 28, 2017

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio talking about Joey's time in Minnesota, the impact the movie "The Accountant" had on Joey's view of his own childhood, Joey's love for reading and more.  This podcast is brought to you by:  Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 20% off of your first order of their seriously soft, feel good underwear.    MVMT Watches - Go to MVMTWatches.com/church to get 15% off of their high quality watches at revolutionary prices. MVMTWatches.com/church for 15% off, with free shipping and free returns.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 02/27/2017.  

the pencil. I would never want you to do that. Thank God. The church of what's happening now is presented by On It. This show is brought to you by MeUndies. MeUndies are seriously soft, feel-good undies delivered right to your door and the best part is MeUndies is offering our listeners 20% off of your first pair when you go to meundies.com slash joey that's meundies.com slash joey and guess what when you love meundies because you're going to love them they offer you a subscription service that gets some sent to your door automatically so go to meundies.com slash joey. The show is also brought to you by MVMT

watches, movement watches. They start at just $95 and when you go to a department store you're looking at a $400 to $500 price range so you're already saving money go to MVMTwatches.com slash church right now to get 15% off of your movement watch today. I have the black on black I love it good at MVMTwatches.com slash church today to get 15% off. Oh shit it's still black history motherfuckers and this is as black and beautiful as it gets. Little Chaka Khan featuring Rufus or the other way around does it fucking matter Monday February 27th. The church what's happening now

motherfuckers. Here we go cocksuckers. Here we go. What's happening you bad motherfuckers. Uncle Joey here Monday or Tuesday in your world February 28th a month fucking flu. I forgot it was black history month that's how fucking fast it was. I think that's why they even do it that so you don't have that much time to even fucking jump up and down for the brothers. Thank God we had Danny Brown on and you know I'm always trying to reach out to different diversities and females and whatever the fuck's available

out there. What's happening my brother. Yeah Danny Brown was great I love Danny it's a there's a lot of negatives to technology but it makes it harder to like hate people like you're not we're not racist but if you're doing a podcast and you show you get a guess they're black like they're black or maybe they're half whatever. There's no racism in podcast. That's the good thing. There's no racism in fucking podcasts. I had a good time in Minneapolis. Fuck yeah. If you came to any of the shows thank you very much for coming out and supporting us. My sets were kind of rusty. Some of the people

were laughing some of them weren't. I just blew right past them. I got to work a little harder and that's that but if you came to the shows I loved you a lot of good people came out to the shows. Brandy Lynn came I didn't get to see I was back there talking with the owner give me a fucking earbeat who's a cool dude Rick Bronson. The Mall of America is fucking great. I really enjoy it. It's a lot of walking. I know for a fact I lost weight. I didn't eat any of the fucking food. The only thing I ate in there was Brookes bagels with turkey on it and Lego land. I wasn't going there but you could smell the fucking flu. You

could smell it. There's kids everywhere in there fucking that's the only problem even if you go early you got to take a flu shot and wear a scarf. You got to walk around in there like a Japanese on an airport with a mask over your fucking mouth because you're definitely gonna get sick. Do you bring medicine? I bring everything. Yeah. I bring fucking every I have everything I have for every ailment I've ever had. I carry some of it on the plane that's immediate no spray, the Tylenol, the other one, anxiety medication, a vapor pen. I'm prepared and then in the room and the big and my travel bag is where I have my ear drops

and shit like that. Then I have another bag and in there I have like pieces for the sleep apnea machine, sugar for coffee, blue packages of coffee, a lighter, rolling papers. It's all back up. So anytime I go to the store before I travel I get two of each and I stuck it in there. If anything ever happens I got rolling papers in the sleep apnea machine. I got a lighter hitting in the sleep apnea machine just in case we're on an island who's gonna fucking live. At least I got two days of clarity by smoking until fucking I gotta start eating rocks and shit. Have you ever been sick like full on like a flu at a gig?

Yes. Oh no. I had in Chicago last year two years ago in Rosewood where I taped the special. I had yeah there was the worst ever I had that shit of vertigo. Oh no. Yeah it was fucking horrible. I could have canceled but I didn't on a Saturday night. I remember walking to the airport the next day and thinking that I was I felt like I was gonna die. I had to walk a certain way because every time I stepped out of it the place would spin. That's scary. I actually one of the maddest times I've ever been at my mother was she got vertigo and fell down and they called an ambulance. Like they had to bring an ambulance. No no it's

horrible. I made it through the show. I laid down all day. I didn't make any unnecessary movements. It was something to do with my ears and swimming so I tried to drain my ears, drain my ears, drain my ears. Q-tip them and then I did the best I could on stage if I'd go a certain way. I couldn't be very animated. It's a motherfucker to get sick when you have to do comedy and I've seen people work through it man. It's like anything else. You know it's like anything else. It's not even the sickness. What about the personal issues? What about if you're going through a divorce? What about if somebody in your family

dies? What about somebody if your family is ill? You still got to turn it on for that hour. You know one of the biggest lessons I learned. I think one of the things that made me that toughened me up the most was when I forced myself to do a set after I drop off my daughter Jack. When I drop her off on Wednesdays I could never describe to you people at home how bad I felt because I always it always felt like it was the last time I was gonna see her and I would go home the first couple weeks I'd go home and get upset and get angry and fucking puke from the anger. You know you have to fucking when you get that headache and

your blood pressure rises. I'd on my blood pressure would drop I'd puke and then I figured it out after like three weeks I said the only way I'm gonna get good at comedy and the only way I'm gonna overcome this pain is by forcing myself to do comedy after I drop her off immediately. So it was with just one room that started at eight on Wednesdays. Thank God for Andy Payton and I would drop her off at seven at the Safeway and right in the Safeway I would force myself to this fucking comedy room with six people and I would probably cry halfway there and then the other halfway I'd be okay. I'd always had a joint in

the hash tray and that you know that's mental toughness when you have to go on stage with that pain you know. You know in the beginning of comedy you have to go on stage and this month you don't pay the rent. How can you crack jokes when you're about to get thrown the fuck out when you can't pay your car insurance but this is all part of the toughness. This is all I watched in a very interesting movie this weekend. What's that? It was an Academy Award with it but it let me know that in some instances my or a way of thinking that I was instilled as a young man still works. I watched the movie The Accountant. That was a

really good movie. I watched it on the plane because you're on a fucking plane. You know I have my iPod I'm high and the accountant was about Ben Stiller and I've been an athlete and he kills a bunch of people and that's the subplot of it. That's the main thing but the subplot is about a child who suffers from severe autism. When he was a young man he suffered from severe autism. He has it. He has it so it was kind of weird how his father was an army guy and he didn't want him to be pampered so he made him force it on him and there's one scene where they show him fighting a Chinese guy or a Vietnamese guy or an

Asian guy whatever. I don't want to be whatever and he fucking he's beating these kids. You know they're beating him but he's beating these kids. He's a man beating two kids and finally he turns around and looks at the father and he goes enough. Tomorrow's another day and the father goes no. To see what you got you got to peel layers back every once in a while and he goes I gotta know my son's limitations. I almost cried on the fucking plane because America doesn't think like that no more. America's not even close to thinking like that anymore and in my mind still you know I hate fucking needles but Thursday I'm driving

to Marina Del Rey to drive I hate the most in the world on the 405 to force myself against this fear. You know I'm not looking to be the greatest Fujitsu guy in the fucking world. Not at all. I go there because every time I go there it's a struggle. It's hard for me to breathe. I panic so people don't do people in this country anymore not doing this stuff with their kids. I've had parents tell me that their kids had severe cases ADD. Let me tell you something. I think about my childhood and I had ADD like a motherfucker and saw a lot of people around them and it went untreated because nobody knew what it was then

and you know what people dealt with it. People found something to deal with. I'm gonna tell you something that you're gonna fucking turn this podcast off when I'm gonna tell you. But I'm gonna tell you that it's very true. You know for years from the years of 87 to 91 or 92 this is embarrassing to say every time I did cocaine once I got to a certain level of highness I would do math for hours. What do you mean? I would buy a math workbook that had algebra and what's the one after algebra? Geometry? Geometry. I hated geometry. And I fucking would do the workbooks for two three hours at a time while I was doing a ball of coke.

What? As retarded I'm embarrassed to say this. It started in 86 and I would sit there for hours and do what if things. What if I had 40 kilos of blow and I cut each kilo with four ounces which would give me a kilo is what 32.2 ounces. I mean you're doing drug word problems. I would do drug work problems for four or five hours until I got so bored I did everything and I try to break down how much Steve Graybo would sell to make six million dollars. So that's reverse algebra. Do you understand me? I would fucking do that for hours. What would Steve Graybo have to sell to pick up six million dollars every six weeks? That

one took me like fucking two months but I figured it out on my own. After he got caught I do all that and you think back to it now. I could never do math like that now but all I was doing was giving myself what's the pill people take today the speed to make them focus? Adderall. Yes Adderall. It was a different part. It was a different thing of Adderall if you really think about it. Cocaine worked in my mind like an Adderall. Why do you look at shadows so much when you're on cocaine? Why do you focus on a fucking people for hours? Why do you look under the front step of your door when you're on cocaine? How can you

do that for six hours and you focus and you see shadows and shit? Your mind plays tricks on you. How? Because that speed it's kind of weird to say and again I hope you people don't turn the podcast off when you hear me say this. When I stopped snorting coke 90 days later my eyesight went to shit. I wish that was a joke. How's your math? Your math is still good. My math is solid but I can't do what I was doing in 87 for four or five years what I'm doing now. And you didn't get a calculator? Not even close. I wouldn't fucking buy a calculator if you paid me. Why? Because I'm still a math dude. I still do everything by hand. Have

you made like a terrible mistake yet? I correct you know because of my ADD I do the thing four or five times. So do you understand I don't take ADD medication but in this movie the father recognized the kid had a problem and instead of pampering them and putting them in a school where everybody hugs each other and nothing gets solved you know the kid would force himself every day to play loud music and play like a flash strobe life at 10 minutes and at the end of the 10 minutes in this movie the character would eat whatever they take whatever somebody with that disease or that whatever they call that takes. Right and

it's great because he would do more things like he would rub his muscles. Rub his muscles. Like he uh and I don't know like what do you think like do you think he became like sort of a criminal because of all that? No no no no you know the autism that he had just caused an extreme that's the thing. No no the autism made him a great accountant. The autism made him a great accountant and you know I never knew until about two years ago how smart those autism is what a weird thing it is. Oh yeah have you seen the one there's a weird thing it's just a weird spectrum of. There's this one guy that I've seen where and who knows it could be fake but it's like it says that they took this autistic man on a helicopter ride around New York

City and he drew in pen the entire skyline with it like every building from memory. It's like they they may not have like I don't really know they're deep into it but a lot of them have like they might lack socially but they're just so they're like next level smart like smart that we don't even understand. Alright so you know guys you go on the road you when you write you know like I've said a thousand times I always write for 10 to 12 years I would sit there how I was taught to write you sit there like three fucking idiots and you chew on your pen and you throw down stuff it became so fucking bad for me that I stopped doing it completely and that's why nothing was really going on in my life nothing really really started for me till I started going on my space every

Monday and writing a blog and even though the blog was misspelled or whatever just doing working that muscle every Monday I would take a notebook and lay that next to me and while I was working that story I would think of three or four other stories it would exercise my muscles you know when you work your biceps and you're doing curls yeah the primary muscle of the fucking curl is your bicep but the secondary muscles are your forearms and your you know your shoulder has three heads the front head of your shoulders and it's just really interesting shit and the same thing happens with writing one of the things that got me there was two books that really stood out in my mind the one book was on writing by Stephen King and I had read at this point I am I'm not gonna lie

nobody I did what everybody else does in LA LA has a scam LA has a scam that when you move here Lee came here to be a editor and one day he goes Joey you know what my minor was writing so I'm gonna start writing so what will we do Lee's either gonna have a good friend that's a writer because birds of a feather flock together or Lee's gonna go to Samuel French like every other fucking sucker including myself and by 2000 books on writing because we feel that if we write half if we read half the book we're gonna learn how to write and guys I threw away thousands thousands on books and I gotta be honest yeah I read every single one of them but you know how much I did from reading those books not one thing that they told me to do Jean Paré when I first started

who was Bob Hope's writer it's a great book to read but you're gonna read jokes and you're gonna go Joey what the fuck did this guy write in electricity or did he write in a candle because they're all style jokes you know but he teaches you the basics of writing a joke that was the only workbook I ever ever did and I did do the Judy Carter workbook I could be wrong but I think your way ahead of more people just be just even reading the books I have a ton of books like whenever I get involved in something I'll buy two or three books like the last thing I bought was three blackjack books I've had them for a week and I've cracked like one for like three minutes I think a lot of people buy those books and they don't even ever even open them

when I went to prison I realized the importance of reading I knew how to read I learned how to read I had a teacher in the seventh grade Mr. Kingmo the guy that left me back he made you read a book a month and do oral book reports oh and I really learned a lot about myself because I learned how bad my comprehension was and that's ADD I learned how bad I could read a whole chapter and then you could say Joey what's the chapter button go uh so I would have to read everything twice till today I read everything twice as I'm reading it it's it's impot I won't retain anything if I don't I even have to make notes sometimes when I read a good book once I'm on page 15 or 20 and this book's got me whether it's a jimmy page book which I started the other

day and then I didn't take it on the fucking plan because I knew I'm gonna get hooked on this fucking thing lalingus cocksucker get me a book that's gonna get me hooked like heroin and it's two fucking days of reading up all night and that's what you would happen to me in prison well in prison I started reading and my one of my good buddies and there was a librarian and he found the books that I liked you know in prison was where I discovered cujo and I discovered a lot of scare I haven't even I discovered uh on wings of eagles the Ross Perot story I discovered snow blind by Zachary swan another good book about smuggling this guy was smuggling in the 60s I discovered a book you know uh just just this guy you turn me you know books on music and it was

endless it was endless and the and the book club was us in prison talking about the book when I brought it back he would give me the book I'd read it and then I come back and it was him and a black guy that was always in the library and they read everything and they kind of read the same guess what else I read in prison what good fellas way before the movie way before the movie I read good fellas in prison and during while I was reading their book they did an interview on Henry Hill in 2020 so I was reading top notch books in prison I read like the you know um I read a little bit about you know because I had a lot of black friends in there so I read a little bit about not Martin Luther King but minister Farrakhan I read a lot of different stuff obviously prison

is terrible but if you're like if you were lucky you had you went through high school but if there if there's people in prison who didn't get to go to school for whatever reason can you go to prison and get an education yes really that's cool yes yes you go to prison if you really really really want to learn and they have it available to you there's inmates that are solid guys man and just because they made a mistake some mistakes were worse than others some weren't thought out because of the crime I did and the points I had and the situation I had when I got it I went into a place where it was people getting out soon they had two or three years left and these guys had already done their hard time and I got to talk to them and they explained different things to me you

know and I listened I listened I learned a lot I learned a lot about human nature I learned about what I didn't want to do in my life the things I did not want to do I looked at I would look at ten inmates and look at seven of them that all had the same habits I shied away from all those fucking habits you know did you did you see those habits in yourself at that point absolutely absolutely listen two years before I got a night I got arrested 1987 and in 1984 I knew I was going to get arrested it was just a matter of time I was just walking around in 1985 I was walking around getting waiting to get arrested or waiting to get shot and I was carrying a weapon once I went to Colorado the weapon stayed and I became a different person it was like I was a fucking

person who would change and then after a few months I went back to who I was a fucking thief in credit card you know it was like a it was like a fucking pattern but I always you know during that whole time I was taking classes even during when I lived in snowmass and I was doing all the shit I was doing up there I was at Colorado Mountain College I was always one of those guys that had a little bit of hope that had a little bit of hope I didn't think I could become anything but I wanted to absorb as much knowledge as I could that would get me to the next level that's so crazy to me because you said that today on your periscope that you wanted to make something of your life and I don't know I I'm starting to think that maybe my thinking has

been wrong but ever since I've been a kid the only leg to me making it means just you have a lot of money like oh no no that's that's what people are wrong that's the misconception we have to worry about 30 because by 30 we meet people who have a lot of money right that are living their life wrong and we meet people who have a lot of money that I mean they're they're living their life the wrong way or we admire there's two ways to live your life how you have money it's when what part of your life you get it if I give 10 21 year olds a million dollars cash within a year six of them will be broke at least two of them would have made investments they would have bought a pizza place or bought their parents houses or something but six of them would have been gone

now I take those same 10 people and give them a million dollars a piece when they're 10 and the percentages will go low because they've worked they've paid off debt I mean like at 30 10 30 yes I'm sorry at 30 and if I take those same 10 people at 40 what'll happen the percentages go higher because we paid our dues it's like a it's like we goof around but it's true women when they're 20 they want the hot guy who's got a tattoo and a beard and you know says all these things but when they're 30 they lower their expectations by the time they're 40 they'll marry a guy with a kid you know because they understand where life goes it's uh I'm happy I I accepted prison at that age it was good that I went at that age and it was good what I got

out of at that age I got all the right things at that age and listen like I said a thousand times before I didn't stop being a fucking criminal two 15 years ago in one way or another you know I was still breaking a law or there was selling coke or stealing light is it's still breaking the fucking law what do you think would have happened if you hadn't been gone to the prison that you went to if you'd gone to like a hardcore prison I would have fought for my life I would have whatever the situation was I had a rise for it I knew that mentally before I went in I knew that at every level I didn't know what I was getting myself into but whatever it was I was prepared you know I didn't play into the game listen I could have gone into prison hooked up with three dudes the

first day because the first day I hooked you know me though you've seen I get every army I get the best Armenians in town the first day I got to camp George West I hooked up with this dude from New York talking to me and but then an hour he had me hooked up with a shot of heroin in his room an hour later what are you talking if I wanted a shot of heroin and then he had a buddy who I could I've seen this guy before he was a white dude that kept smiling and agreed with him to everything and I knew that these two guys were by the way I wasn't gonna do heroin I said yeah I'll see you later I got along like needles and I disappeared about a day later kid took me aside and go stay away from those two guys those two guys the scam artist they make you send the money

and they they they make their living off when you shoot heroin you shoot there's a cotton ball and these guys would make their living off of that cotton ball like that cotton ball that last shot of heroin like they were just you know regular fucking tutsulut so yeah I avoided them that's it I was still their friend I didn't say I was at war with them or anything if they came into the kitchen and you know I could hook them up with an extra bun or something I would I just didn't go into that fucking feed I could have gone into any different group I wanted and I pretty much stayed to myself and got away with it is that like for I used to watch all those I think I've watched every lock up and the Nanji one that they have and that everything and all that I watched

that stuff yeah the isolation stuff and stuff was pretty much I never saw that okay I never saw that isolation so if I could lie to you and tell you I was hard I was in a hole for three no when I got in there dog I wanted to do my time and get the fuck out of there okay I wasn't gonna let myself get bullied I want none of that shit was gonna happen if you smack me I was gonna smack you back no matter what size you were if you spoke down to me I know a way how to talk back to you without you getting mad and I never came down to it I fought a kid in their severino I still love him with all my heart and I beat up that white dude for fucking the dude I put the box of shit in this fucking draw that half a fucking retard wannabe biker and that was it that I had no

problems and then in the halfway house I really had no problems I just knew listen man I was thinking this week in a Minneapolis about what's going on right now whether it's animal planet the podcast stand-up comedy my family the daughter you you know it took 54 years to surround myself with the right situation I'm no better than you or whatever that's why I talked to you the way I do at the age of 28 because I want you to eliminate the waste there's just a lot of waste and God knows I did 90% of it in no different way than just doing stupid shit this country if you see the direction is going if you're young right now I want you to strap your seat belts on I want you to focus I want you to buy property I want you to do as much as you can so you have as much security

by the age of 40 who knows if we're gonna have social security you know when I was a child they said there wasn't going to be no social security you know who knows I'm 54 I'm thinking about social security I'm not gonna lie to you guys starting next year I take lead of breakfast every day 15 to send off at Denny's you know what I'm saying and he picks up the tip and McDonald's you get like a free uh you got a little senior discount but I I the thing you know this morning I said something in Lee Corman he goes it's the funniest thing I said you know when I I didn't watch the Oscars last night but I watched CNN later on that night and I saw what had happened and the people the Hindu who made the speech and the other guy who boycotted it and you know it's like it's the

Oscars we're trying to have a good time and you got to bring all that shit up you know enough and they do it for what to get the patina back you know I rather fucking get fucked in the ass by a midget than that patina back for me being brave sticking up to trump it's over you know I mean what the fuck are you bitching about still you know and I was sitting there thinking about I never want I never want to be around those people like since I moved here guys guys I don't tonight I was supposed to go to Doug Benson's uh high court premiere which starts tonight by the way and it's a pretty good show Doug did a good job he ate you smoking pot on TV you got to take your hat off to the fucking kids so when I'm on one of the episodes he's got a great crew of people

that are playing bailiffs I think uh who else uh jesse may poluso jesse may poluso is playing one of the bailors one of our girls so yeah they got a great crew so I wish him all the the luck in the world and you think about the journey he took when I think about comedy I don't think of myself as a good comedian or a great comedian or that I'm gonna be remembering or you don't see me going on tours or selling tickets like Dane cook or nothing you know I like about that I did what's that the journey to get to the comedy store I still can't believe it the talent with me there's no talent I'm just a fat fucking guy that grew up on a corner and knows how to tell a story you know I'm saying there's no fucking talent here

the talent was getting me here like how the fuck did I end up in California for Italy like you know what I'm saying like you went to school for four years we've had this discussion you've looked me in the eye and said that school did oh god for you you're gonna learn more in high school hanging out with full fucking uh dudes who are nerds you know but the journey you made that's where the talent is that's where the persistence is you came out here with a girl who came out here twice and left you know since we've been here we've had people come and fucking go the talent is getting here it's not become for me it wasn't I don't see nothing in the comedy I like that I do comedy and I'm lucky I got involved in it but for me

listen man before my mother died I knew I was in a bust out of Northburg I love New Jersey I love everything it stands for but there was something about Northburg and I know I didn't want to stay there completely understand what you're saying I know there's a lot of people who understand what I'm saying a lot of people who don't and I appreciate a lot of the people who stayed at home today I did something weird today one of my biggest sorrows is the damage I did in the Bender household from 1979 to 1981 it's it's it's it's an excusable you know thank god Bobby talks to me John talks to me from time to time who I was supposed to move in with and yesterday when I got off the plane I went on Facebook last night to post some videos and I saw that prayers for his sister

Renee and I still remember moving in the house and my mom died and how she would cut my hair for free and I would go over there and she goofed around with me and a year and a half later she got a boyfriend you know who I knew and I can't lie to you I kind of got jealous you know I was a 17 year old kid she was like my big sister who had a crush on and then she ratted me out about something and that really destroyed me so I I did something stupid years later it's not even worth talking about and I pissed off the family and then the father died who I was just writing about in the book today how he came up to me at the funeral my mother's wake and said that it would break his heart if I didn't move in with him you know this is when I'm the night before I'm going

to bury my mother it was just a weird thing that happened and I ended up moving in with them and you know I was just too crazy for John so when I found out the sister was in the hospital today I didn't have the balls to call the hospital I called her other brother Bobby and they're kind of at war and I convinced him I convinced him to go to the hospital and just take her hand you know and then I did the impossible I Facebook John because I don't have his number and I said that I was I would light a candle for assistance say a prayer and I was really sorry for everything I had done all those years and you know I want to go home and talk to him and he said that he was not mad at me that he was disappointed with me because in all the interviews

I never mentioned him or his father you know and I said I talk about your father all the time but I think it's time that I go back there I go I know your mom hates me and I think it's time that I go back there and talk to you I want to do something with you so he said absolutely wow what can you explain is it like is it like a cousin is it like a broad like what is John Bender to you John Bender was a kid that I was in the sixth grade with when I moved to North Bergen in 73 one of the first people I saw in the neighborhood was John Bender he was one of those kids that was loud and obnoxious and he had a dog and a few he would make the dog bite you and I thought that was he thought that was cute so I avoided him like the

fucking plague okay I just avoided him I would say hello to him he had a brother that I knew and that's it and the brother was the man the brother was the man when you were a kid you know that dude that's the man he got a car he's got the hottest chicken town right he smokes weed and listens to cool music his brother was the man so I was slowly becoming friends with the brother because I was tight with Carmine and he was always tight with Carmine so he'd see me always Carmine so he'd accept me for what I was blah blah blah blah blah blah and then one day I transferred from fucking Catholic school got thrown out and I went to McKinley and now I had to go to school with John and all those other kids in that area and it was not hard for me I can't lie to you it

wasn't hard for me I knew them already excuse me I knew half of them already from the neighborhood so in the sixth grade I fucking went to the courts like I did every day and I'm playing basketball because I want to be good at basketball okay and this kid Richie Ferrara wants to play basketball so we're playing basketball and he's kind of drunk now I'm fucking 12 you know maybe 11 12 Richie Ferrara is maybe 17 so fucking in the middle of the game I say Richie stop filing us and he pushes me he throws the ball down the fucking hill I get up the push and he just knocks the shit out of me and I I didn't cry nothing I just took it and went down to the corner and went and picked up the fucking ball and went home but my pants were ripped I tell the story on

stage not in the extended version but this all went down and Carmine was on his porch with Peter looking at this this was a commotion and the next thing you fucking know I go home and I go in the shower my mom's home what the fuck is my mom doing am I going to shower the phone always rings when my mom is home so I don't but the next day is when when I got home and she said listen when I go to the park you got beat up yesterday he didn't do nothing and I'm like mom what the fuck so she's taking me to the park she takes the guy we fight he beats me up again my mom walks me home tells me it's okay I'm gonna get into a lot of brawls in my life but guess what Richie Ferrara does what he hides John Bender to fight me what so I'm in the sixth

grade one day and John Bender comes and he goes hey fuck oh spic whatever we're fighting at three today you Richie Ferrara how old was John sixth grade we're both the same age both the same age so now I go home I take my books out now this was big time this was weird because they thought Carmine was gonna come so Bobby got on the corner they had people on top of the hill and John showed up with every white kid in town and I'm standing there with fucking Martin Perez Valentin Farrell Dominic Speciale and Michael Speciale you know he showed up with 15 fucking kids and they made a circle and I fought him and he broke my nose and I gave him a black eye and he busted my lip he really beat me up if you want to know the truth and the next day we just went to

school like nothing happened and then like a week later he comes up to me and he goes listen what happened I feel really bad he shook my hand and I took it for what it was I always knew something was gonna happen between us one day or I'd stab him or something I didn't say nothing and fucking you know what he became my friend like he would look out for me and he kind of we used to go to we used to go he would ask me to go steal punks with him that's how young we were we would go steal fucking punks from the metal hands those things that you land on fire and the mosquitoes would go away and he go he go down there take 50 of those things come back sell them and give me 25 bucks so he felt guilty about what he had done and I take the 25 bucks and you know we started going to

movies together he always liked ugly chicks and he always got me double dated and the chick looked like a fucking bus hit her you know and we became friends and I used to lend him my mini bike and the deal was if I gave my mini mic for the day he'd let me eat Italian food at his house and his mom cooked the best fucking meatballs and sauce and it got and salad and just it was a fucking amazing my head would blow up when I go there and they'd be cutting hair in the living room because Renee the one that's in a coma would be cutting hair on Wednesdays and I'd sit there I didn't give a fuck about the hair I would get a bowl of pasta like rigatoni like uh you know like ziti okay and they put sauce on it and two meatballs and a fucking big scoop of the good cheese and we mix

it up and then they put parmesan on it for me she'd make me a big salad with Italian dressing homemade with fucking hot pepper crushed hot pepper that's a mess yeah dog they fucking freaked me out so they were very nice to me and then I would go they got I used to have a top pool you know the pool above the ground above a ground pool and they got a build all the ground pool and they invited me over there so I became friends with the fucking father and and the brother and the whole goddamn family Lee I was family and I was when my mom died I was supposed to move in with Carmine but he was too strict I couldn't adjust so I moved in with the benders man and whatever my relationship was the mother wasn't good but the father was one of the best

men I've ever met in my life there's not a week that goes by that I don't think about Jimmy Bender and I don't cry or I don't feel bad because I didn't see him before he died I fucked him over I didn't go to his father's wake like a fucking junkie that I was I was supposed to go to the wake and I stayed up to five in the morning and missed the fucking funeral and I was too embarrassed to call him after I think I did call him from prison one time but I hung up then he ended up dying of cancer when I did the longest shot at the premiere party at rascals in Jersey City and the sister the daughter and John showed up and we've been trying to rekindle relationship ever since you know but it's just uh and if I ever feel I learned the biggest lesson of my life then

I had no right moving in there because I love John but I didn't love him that much John didn't do drugs John and me had one hobby the movies and eating and he would make me laugh you know but John wanted more from me that I couldn't give him as a friend because I wanted to get out I was in pain John wanted to listen to the fucking Beatles and stay home at night and bang ugly chicks and that wasn't for me and he was getting pussy all the time dogs and he was ten he was knocking our bitches in that fucking apartment you know his father was very lenient I embarrassed his family I say it right out I stole from his family you know I don't feel guilty I feel very guilty about it and I always felt guilty the day they asked me to leave

and today I think I'm gonna say I started the process of uh just trying to eliminate that before I fucking punched the ticket because I just acted incorrectly man they're one of the best families I've ever met in my life you know at that time I used to hang out with the benders the Balzanos the Denny's the Moran's the Garcia's I had a six or seven different houses man because these you know I didn't have they I didn't have this type of family structure in my house at that age by that time by the time I was 12 my mother worked every day if I wanted to see my mother we'd go to a bar and she'd give me whatever I wanted to but I didn't want to go up there I was as independent as could be at 12 that's crazy at 12 I was doing laundry I was ironing my clothes

I was shopping for myself I was vacuuming for my mother I was washing the windows I was cutting the grass I was still smoking dope and doing illegal criminal activities but don't get me wrong I was doing what I was supposed to do that's why when she died I adapted to it so easily in a way because I was already watching me you know better than anybody else could watch me was it weird that you that your mom worked and wasn't at home during the day for you or was that normal from north bergen because I'm trying to think of like the 70s 70s both parents worked really okay there was a neighborhood group okay you know I hear I'm hearing more and more these complaints from people that they just don't see kids that this is the indoor generation if you're 25 and

under you're the indoor generation they have no whatever outdoor that's why I push you to go up because I learned the hardware I learned these my mother used to make me go out of the house she didn't know I was doing what I was doing but she wanted me to get out of the house and she set something for me at the same time she taught me how to get out and do something you know I talk to people who get hurt at work or get a surgery now because I'm at that age and they tell me that the worst thing about the whole thing is that they have to sit at home and watch daytime television they didn't know how bad it really was that you don't know how bad it really was I try to avoid daytime I don't try to turn that tv on the tv comes goes on the morning

when I get on is the news and once mercy gets up it's 289 I watch Disney I watch the fucking Elena and the other two is it is pepper pig still big and she's still no she doesn't have a big no more pepper pigs gone damn it's Elena of Avatar there's a new one you know and then she's in the trolls so when I left the house she was singing earth when the fire September and shit and she would tell the mother to stop it I'm singing so it was pretty interesting but I that's why I got this morning I got a mercy out at nine my wife's like where you guys going we're gone that's that's in my blood you gotta get out gotta get out you could room is clean make the bed let's go brush your teeth we're just gonna go to the park and then my wife met and I went to jiu-jitsu

like I went to early 11 o'clock but you gotta get your kid out of the house and now that I watch that stupid Ben fucking Affleck movie which I enjoyed because of that issue because I still believe that I've had parents tell me that they kids have extreme cases of ADD they have impulse what how many how many times that I walked what do you think when I left the house there's a million times I left the house thinking I was gonna go to church and I ended up robbing fucking a super 7-eleven there's things like that that's impulse control when you go out and see somebody's purse on the floor and you fucking stop what you're doing to click the fucking purse for the $20 bill two days ago I found the fin at 7-eleven till this day you put your foot on it you just walk

like you fucking got a bad knee wait you didn't ask the guy behind the counter if anyone missed it or if they had a lost and found oh yeah yeah I'm gonna ask them if there's a lost and found you know where that's gonna go write the ices what do you fucking we thought it was Tony Bennett I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart some somebody twice as smart somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me who'll leave you to learn so uh what's gonna tell you motherfuckers today we had a great month thank you for listening

thank you for supporting us uh you know we're trying to put we're trying to fucking give you guys great shows we're trying to give you a monthly report we're trying to get this music we're going for next month we got a great month in March a great month of podcast in March so thank you for the continued support from the bottom while I fight fucking little hearts and shit we thank you for coming to the shows and for buying t-shirts and you know for the love that you give me and Lee but uh today you know every day I've been I tell you guys I've been writing every day started with a sentence a day now I'm up to like two and a half paragraphs and I clean up the paragraph from the day before whether it's good or bad I don't know let the editor fucking take

a look at it he's probably listening right now anyway send him some props my main man Gordon and uh I listen to music sometimes when I'm just uh outlining it do is it specific music no no no no I just I'm I'm doing facebook I cut I get home from jiu-jitsu I do the jiu-jitsu bjj journal I write what I learned you know to the t how I did rolling I write down that I went on the mat that day so it's a number for the mat I'm up to 2.86 this month so I didn't do all that bad uh what else did I fucking do and then I do a couple other things then I go take a shower I eat lunch with my wife then I go back and I check out all the shit I did any other emails I print what I got an email then the last thing I print up it was

lit lift and I put YouTube on then I got a notebook or a piece of paper and I outline what I want to say that day just to blow it through instead of sitting there like a fucking momo so it used to take me two hours now it's taking me 45 fucking minutes because for 35 minutes I'll outline and there's a 10 minute right it's fucking unbelievable I never did it this way so I do it that way and I'm sitting there and I don't know what the fuck I put on I think it was uh sweet melissa something by the almond brothers and I guess sometimes YouTube rotates you have a playlist and then they have a playlist on there they were just playing songs they played uh they went from the almond brothers to molly hatchet uh uh some other country thing and then it went

into lennon skin it uh gave me back my bullets but I'm not watching the videos I'm outlining somebody had called I think you had called that one time I said hold on one second oh yeah all this shit was going on and lennon skin it uh free bird which you've heard a million fucking time comes up so it's coming out and I'm hearing all this shit and I keep outlining I'm talking to my wife and put the earphones back on it's up to a partner go let me look at this for a second and guys my fucking tongue dropped like it just sucked me in I saw something that this is why I would I think I was on hot ones and I talked about my influences and I said that it's not listen you could say how many comedians you like I could tell you I really liked Richard Pry really like

the style of the other guy the white dude calling you know I was a big Lenny Bruce fan you know but music has really got me enthusiastic about how they both meet like comedy and music kind of meet somewhere and you know I looked at Julius Irving as a child and I said wow if I could do comedy I would do it and then it's well weird whatever I'm just like taking it to the hoop Julius Irving wasn't wasn't he was great at dunking but he was great at taking it to the hoop and that's why I like Julius Irving because I like taking it to the hoop I don't like going up there and dilly dallying with you motherfuckers I would never do that I hate when people go up on stage and they don't take it to the hoop and then I like Richard Pry for the language he used I like Lenny

Bruce I liked Richard Pry because he brought out that drug language and fucking it freaked people out so he let me I allowed myself to fucking take that drug type of comedy from him but that music influenced me and I like the fucking style of Led Zeppelin like the way they fucking came out no drama no explosions just four fucking dirty guys just playing you know but they're English so people there was an English explosion in the 60s you know all those bands fucking I don't even know whatever we can go through this shit later but it doesn't fucking matter you guys know what I'm talking about the Beatles Led Zeppelin so it was a kind of liking for Led Zeppelin and all these English type of bands David Bowie Eric Clapton the list goes on but then I'm looking

at this fucking Lenny Skiddett and it's a performance live from Oakland 77 maybe a couple months before they died you know put it in the middle lead let's start it from the middle where they start losing their fucking mind and by the hat yeah start by the hat let's see if they're losing their mind yeah all right so I'm watching this fucking video now kick it up a little more no no to the middle to the middle now I'm watching this Ronnie Vanzant kick it up right now if you can watch this video right now on your computer turn on whatever they are Lenny Skiddett live Oakland free bird and I want you to watch the whole thing and what you're gonna fucking see is yet

six guys that are fucking tremendous musicians from the piano player Billy to fucking you know the bass player there's savages but this is Oakland and Oakland is known for fucking black I'm sitting here right now with Lee and I'm staring at three levels of fucking people in a stadium it's part of like a summer jam obviously but they're all rocking I mean I would love to be in the first five rows it's all women with bikini tops you could probably smell their monkeys and armpits and shit and their dirty feet but yeah Lenny Skiddett's rocking that's great they're expected to rock but I'm watching this and I'm like wait a second there's nobody in those three tiers of people which what do you think Lee how many people are we looking at right now at least

80 that's what it is play it's like an 80,000 the Oakland A's play at the time whatever 77 now these guys got a confederate flag up on stage they got poop pink they got the what's the poor presence oh the uh mount mount rushmore rushmore there you go they got the four presents cut in half two on one side and two on the other it's a daytime so there's no light show they got American flags everywhere hanging on the stage they're fucking rocking okay if you're looking at this video go a little more when they uh they're all three of them on stage just gonna fuck them bananas a little more right there right around there you have to see this to believe it I like the fucking what minute mark that way right now we're at about 828 right 828 829

you fit first of all the lead singer just walking around he just spit he's got a hynican on the fucking amp he doesn't give a fuck there's no dancing there's no fucking around there's just it's just him he's just a redneck and he loves just sitting back there while these three guys don't give a fuck and again I'm looking at these guys you could tell they're not thinking about nothing they are there and to me that is the fucking art right there there's no resistance they're not looking at these guys going wait a second where's all the calm or is that these guys are imposing their will that is the art Lee would you be saying that if the music wasn't so good like if they were playing as confidently they part of it the reason why they're

so good they're confident look at the guys jumping up and down okay this is Oakland this is not Tennessee this is not the south these guys are ripping this stadium up like this would be the fucking south this is what some people would see what I'm seeing is the art that these people have are that they're imposing their will this is this is redneck music when I was growing up in Jersey and I heard this the first time I was like are you crazy but that listen to it some more and I'm like wait a second these motherfuckers got a message and then I bought give me back my bullets and that's what my mind almost fucking blew up when you first showed me this I asked you if there were hippies because I was looking at at the video look at the guy making out with his chick

this is when concerts were fucking $15 for eight bands but this guys took it back to like a micro economic type of look in their minds they're in a fucking barn in Tennessee rocking for their cousins there's no explosives there's nothing fancy they just rock the fuck out of you and that state of mind is the art if you see where I'm coming from and we've discussed the 10,000 times but tonight I brought it the war of art I have read this book maybe 10 times I bought one I bought it one time and I made my notes in here and I don't like it it became annoying in case it becomes somebody else's book or they want to read it and they got to see stupid notes or me outlining the whole thing but it's pretty funny if you ever get this book it's not a hard read at all it's uh

what's hard is sitting down to write and then I was telling you guys like what I like this guy just breaks it down and what he really talks about if you go to a store and you pick this up do you dream about writing the great American novel do you regret not finishing your paintings poems or screenplays do you want to start a business or a charity wish you could start dieting or exercising today hope to run a marathon someday if you've answered yes to any of these questions then you need the war of art this powerful straight from the hip examination of the internal obstacles to success this is what I was living through all those years when I started doing that stuff on my space and writing somebody turned me on to this book

and I fucking cried the first couple times I read this because this is why I'd been on my life and this guy ended up you know this guy is not coming on like he's some fucking big shot right big time off that he's coming on he's telling you what he went through and what the number one problem we have standing in our way people always go you know what job do his biggest promise he's standing in his own way every expression all the time when people say and this book is basically you know Hitler wanted to be an artist at 18 he took his inheritance 700 Cronin and moved to vienna the living study he applied to the academy of fine arts and later to the school of architecture ever seen one of Hitler's paintings neither have I resistance beat him call it over

statement but I'll say it anyway it was easier for Hitler to start world war two than it was for him to face a blank square of canvas holy shit when did they write this book do you have any I that's crazy okay this is guys if you're stuck you know listen guys I gotta live back on the seventh grade I got a GD I'm not coming on like Anthony Robbins here but I'll tell you what this defined a lot of fucking stupid questions I had you know enemy is a very good teacher you know and it has resistance greatest hits it defines what we don't do we simplify it as resistance the following is a list in no particular order of those activities that most commonly elicit resistance the pursuit of any calling and writing painting music film dance or creative art however marginal or unconventional

the launching of an intrapreneurial venture of enterprise for profit or otherwise any diet or health regimen any program of spiritual advancement any activity whose aim is to tighten abdominals any course of program designed to overcome an unwholesome habit or addiction education of any kind and any act of political moral or ethical courage including the decision to change for the better someone worthy pattern of thought or conduct in ourselves you know I sit here with 20 fucking times and we giggle and we break his balls but the underlying thing that you know I went through all this shit guys when I sit here and tell you no matter what position you're in your life right now you get yourself out of it dog if you don't believe that stop listen

stop listen I talk to people at shows now every week who they'll pull me aside and I'll go you know what man I had this fucking job and I listened and I decided to start playing in band again and now I have a part-time job and I played two nights and it's because I had the balls to take a chance if not I would have been stuck the rest of my life miserable because I at least I didn't give it a try you gotta give it a fucking try it's 2000 fucking 17 and it ain't getting better that's good like when you're reading off that list like the first like four of them are ones that everyone's doing yeah no no this is for fucking a year I sat there and I would try to write a book I wasted a year on this book since I've been with this guy Gordon and all of a sudden I

read this book again before I shot the special okay before I even started writing the special I read this book and I got my dick hard and then I read it again before the surgery I read it on days I don't want to go to Jiu Jitsu I read it on days I don't want to go to a meeting I'll just pull it out I have two two copies of this I got in the travel bag because guys it's listen it's that easy to fucking slip it's that easy to slip anymore you guys know what I'm fucking talking about I talked to Jay Rom I talked to a bunch of fucking guys that are having problems Jay I hope you're not mad at me you know I got nothing but love to you let me give some shout outs real quick and we'll continue this conversation yeah we're gonna cover a couple books this month I got the a guy

who was the undercover cop on the Iceman we're gonna cover a book by Anthony Bruno called the Iceman I'm gonna order it tonight from Amazon uh when Steve came on that's always a great idea like a book club guys let me tell you some if you're stuck you want to get off an addiction your heart broke and get yourself a couple books get a biography somebody you admire you know and if you're broke go online they got cheap books online so what if the back page is ripped it's the you know do you have a favorite fiction author or do you not read a lot of fiction I don't know what fiction I'm not fiction as you know fiction's like made up stories you know I like biographies well yeah I like biographies too you know I like the one about the

guy who killed Greybo I don't know what that is American whatever renegade I like books like this The War of Art anything that can help me I've I've told you the books that changed my fucking life you ready right The War of Art got it The Art of War the other one by Shenzhou that had like two things in there I fucking applied to all the time but the number one book that has helped me the most in my whole life was a book I bought in 1987 called Telephone Sales in the 80s that was the greatest book I ever read in my life it was my bible it's because who I'm here today it really was that great of a book and I've read Anthony I went to two Anthony Robin seminars I've done a lot of that shit guys I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I went to a lot of that

shit because I thought I was crazy I thought I was fucking crazy you know six or seven years after my mom died you could have sold me a fucking any religion if Scientology would have got my hand on me right now I would have been the captain of the ship speaking of that just have you seen that big Scientology building oh they're back in the valley oh yeah we're gonna fuck with them oh my god let's go fuck with them let's go get on the guy to me they're telling me suck dick with Travolta and shit telling me meant to vault on an orgy one time he was sucking a penguins dick the whole thing yeah they're bringing it back they used to sponsor the the the food trucks oh no on Thursday so you go in and get a sandwich next you know you got fucking Johnny Scientologists

ask me if you want to take an IQ test so I stopped going I want my daughter when they embarrass the shit out of me embarrasses the shit out of me you don't need to bother me let me get those shutouts real quick before I forget did I read them yet no Reese Cokespoon Jeff Collins my main man Matt Baltazar another soldier Nick Bafalusio I love you you fucking Greek cuckucker tell these motherfuckers Malacca Chuck Madden Alex Castino Anthony Guzzo Uki Spooky Always and the motherfucking Philly Godfather and Jason Silver I announced that I'm gonna do Atlantic City for God of July 29th we got Magoobies in Baltimore March 16th and we got Levity Live in motherfucking NIAC so I'm having a good time in fucking March we got Norton coming on we got we got people coming on in

March they're gonna blow your fucking socks open anyway back to telemarketing in the 80s rocked my world it taught me all about sales broke it down to me how to sell on the phone which I fell in love with there's days I dream about waking up and going to sell shit on the phone and then I'll just call agents and harass them and call managers and harassment try to sell them on different ideas and shit do you still have your copy of that book no I lost it and I thought I thought that you had looked it up and they changed it to telemarketing in the 90s and telemarketing let me check that was the most that book put me over the top you know like other books cool Joe put me over the top I read the Godfather when it came out I was 10 I read the fucking Godfather when I was 10

for fun or for school for fun Jesus look before drugs I was a fucking nerd guy I read books and I pictured them I fucking had a telescope you know I was looking for fucking Martians and shit not really but I was I like to look at stars at night and uh you're gonna find the fucking book around the room like a fucking I'm seeing if they have I have a look back at the golden age successful telephone selling in the 90s that's the one okay that's the one it's a blue cover with a phone cord on it let's see uh yeah who the fuck do you think you're dealing with well he did an update it for 2000 it's a different game out there now yeah that book changed my fucking life there were so many books that I used to before I got locked up I read every book on law

I read books on lawyers you gotta read guys if you get stuck in your life and your mind ain't right get yourself a couple books and you know what don't fucking cry to me it costs nothing to get a library card you know the most interesting thing somebody came up to me this week and a good a guy that's come to shows from Denver he came to like two or three shows with his wife cool motherfucker always brings me a gift I'm sorry I forget his name I mean a lot of people on the road at the end of two shows you're stone but he told me that he started writing his goals that and that things changed that's amazing that's awesome oh dog shit fucking changes at the speed of lightning I don't want to freak you out but they have successful telephone selling in the 80s

on ebay for 399 all right I'll go home and get it tonight that's how strong that book is that book taught me more because it was more of a psychology approach to it instead of a gorilla approach to it like I read every book on sales there was you know when I got into shit I got into shit guys even if I was doing blow that's what I would do I do blow and read that's the best time to fucking read when you do blow oh my god when I was on the road from when I was on the road from 98 to 2003 I probably read I would go to that bonds and nobles in every city and I'd buy books that I'd give away I'd read them but 90% of those books I'd read when I was coked up to the gills is that maybe one year retention wasn't good no my retention would be great

because I was coked up the Adderall was in full effect oh wow so I would I would fucking do a show and plan I'm going back to the room with a gram of blow and a six pack of beer and I would just sit there and fucking read whatever would you ever turn a girl away because you wanted to read a book or go back and finish a book anybody who turns a girl away before because of a book needs a beating needs for somebody to take him to an alley and say what's wrong with you I want to go home and read a book what are you fucking crazy I don't know maybe in fact I really don't know unless there was no women I could lie to you at this time it was when some nights I would do blow read a book and then get all horned up and go out and try to be evil but who am I going to pick up I wouldn't pick up

nobody have you ever like because I see you just picking up random books sometimes like what did you ever pick up one of those like CVS fantasy erotic novels and read those you would never read that my mom read novellas okay and Juan read novellas growing up and when I would get really bored I would go in there and try to read the books in Spanish so are they like legitimate like the soap operas but just written out yeah but Juan read more like cowboy shit and my mother read more like romance but I never even saw those again I don't even know the fuck she got them to be honest to you as a kid I read a lot of readers digest oh yeah I really liked readers digest one of the best articles I ever read and readers digest was about Jim Valvano that's where I first read all

that fucking stuff like juicy it was really good in there I don't read magazines very seldom do I read magazines I'm a book guy now and it's a shame but I don't have the time to read more books but I have to be a dad and I gotta pay attention to the podcast you gotta do a lot of stuff but I'm always reading fucking something again the lingus I love you but you'll fuck you curse me because now I gotta read 8 000 pages about Jimmy Page by the time I read that book I'll be back into fucking stabbing satanist and you know chasing them in the parking shit what about books on tape because I know I don't know if you do like the ipod but I can see all that driving just getting a bunch of books on tape and listening to books or not really I love to tell you that I wouldn't like

it but I also never tried it oh really so I'd be bullshitting yeah yeah I never tried it I never my wife does it no my wife has the thing that she still reads I don't you know man I like to hold on to some things it's definitely different and I really like when I get a book and I open it the read of the book and like the covers and when you take the cover off and you see what the book likes looks like you know I like all that shit it's still it's like these albums you know sometimes we end the podcast and me and Lisa here for an hour when I look at the albums I miss that I miss that part of my life just touching those covers and shit I'm a nostalgic it's not like I'm a collector but like if there's a lot of books I read and I take right when I go

to you know the place up the corner where you give away books and clothes good will good will I take all the books I try to there's a lot of books I like to keep because maybe I say to myself I'm going to read it again and I never fucking read it I read this book ones that freak me out it's I think about it sometimes I have no idea what it's called I don't even think I still have it but it was this guy who sent somebody a jail cell and had them build it in his base like built him a cell and he like made himself be put in jail for some for for some reason he wouldn't tell the guy why he did it but it's just I don't know like there's a weird room book affects you for a long time you remember no I could look it up I might even still have it but it was just

where'd you get the books from I was I walked into a bookstore one day who gives you this weird shit Lee no I walked into a bookstore one day and you know what I didn't even walk in it was I want to like those carts that look like outside and I just looked at it looked interesting and I think I think it might have been like the last book that I actually ever read how long ago was that six years something like that but you read a lot online you do a lot of investigative shit and I don't know you can call reading why you read when I talk to you about microphones you go online and you you fucking you know you love to god forbid you don't yell for fucking hotdog stand somewhere oh well we're gonna go here let's yelp the food on the corner there's

a hotdog stand on there yeah that's that's really sad that that's the extent of my reading is yelp reviews but it's uh I think that one of the things that really kept me together as fucked up when I was burglarizing and doing drugs that I was taking classes guys Jesus Christ what possessed me to stay and that would pay out of pocket well it's not till I got to see you bold and I got to continue in education there that they would start throwing me loans in those days but not big no not loans grants what am I saying there was no loans grants once I got a certain amount of credit they said you can apply for grants so I started applying for the Latino grants and these Cuban grants I was picking up two three hundred dollars

there there's a whole world of grants you don't really know about and like I said I had my man Manny and Boulder he was the man with the plan for the small hundred he got here like a thousand dollars in grants Jesus Christ yeah he's a 10% yeah I have no I would I I got out of school as quick as I could I took summer classes when I was interning out here so I could graduate a semester early and if you get out of prison you could look into because there's some campuses that'll tell you that allow you but they're really boring smoke up your ass they'll take your application but they're not gonna give you a shot I'm not gonna lie to you about that but there's some colleges that don't give a fuck and they just specialize in that they get your aid and everything

don't even get your money for housing and shit if you get locked up and I'm not talking about a skill I'm talking about going back to college getting your GED you get your GED they'll take you back at a fucking college dog if I did it you could fucking do it just walking there like you own the spot and tell them the story I had to quit because I was on drugs I had to quit because I went to jail I had to quit because I knocked up a woman tell them the fucking truth on your application and say you're trying to get your life together you think this would be a great ending to a great story you go back to fucking school don't give a fuck what they tell you I really fucking don't there's one school out there and especially now that campuses are online

are you fucking kidding me yeah you could do it from home there was a someone who was 40 years old and Paul is a law school class he was doing it online no he was doing it he was going to actual class but he was 40 so you can do it whenever dog I don't know what I would do if I could do it if I had the opportunity to go two nights a week like I'd have to give up the podcast but see like that's like I know you're very busy but you have the opportunity you could apply right now like listen Lee in anybody's world you have the opportunity to do whatever the fuck you want but the longness in the tooth and uh I want to be there for my daughter just in case is always looming over my fucking head I've worked it out with myself to be out of town

six days a month that's my wife is telling me that she's asking about me more when I go out of town you know when I called Sunday she goes she already asked a bunch of two times and I said please keep her there before the party starts let me see her and everything was fine this morning she was pretty happy we went to the park I got to pay attention to a lady I fucked up once before this one I got to pay attention to so it's a big chunk even if I just sit there with her and play them all on the dolls with her it's the world to her and she'll remember forever you know but I mean pretty soon she's gonna be going to school and then she will next year Jesus that's it that's it I gotta make up my mind

and the beauty of it is if we stay where we're at we could walk out of school every day and walk back home and be on my fucking quarter to nine and do whatever the fuck you want to do am I petrified I'm like any parent I'm petrified for her but I also think she'll do great I think she'll do great I really believe in her you know what are you petrified of her getting hurt in any way and she's a little tank but she's still a little girl you know I enjoy my time at home I enjoy my time with them it's something that I have to do as a personal choice lead it's something I made a big mistake once before and even though we weren't I could tell you a thousand

stories how it wasn't gonna last in the beginning it was a bad situation yeah maybe that's true too but I knew I didn't put the full effort into it now I don't want the same to happen again I like comedy I like going out there but I can't go out there I feel the difference when I take three planes in a row compared to two planes in a row you know that's it the comedy is the fucking most enjoyable thing I've ever done in my life let's face it it's the plane ride waiting at the airport for your luggage you know you're supposed to land at nine you landed a quarter to nine but the plane coast still fucking 945 I'd rather fly around so I could watch the rest of the fucking movie instead of sitting here you know what I'm saying like that's what the it's

hectic every time you go up and every time you go down it takes a toll on your system you want to rest in between you want to be hydrated I drink like 22 bottles of water when I'm on those planes like yeah you go to the bathroom a lot oh I go because I stretch my legs I do leg raises I move my neck I rotate my shoulders you know I've been doing it so I'm prepared for it you know but at the same time I got to be a father I got to be husband I'm going on a date with my wife Friday night you know I got to do these things last week when I was here we went to the family dance if I don't do this late who is who is I can't do it I'll lose them and over what I was very lucky I had both parents home my dad works nights a lot but he was home

during the day it's very important yeah it's huge it's very fucking important and it's important to me again I see in today's society and I know for a fact parents gotta work Jack parents gotta fucking work parents gotta work today both of them both of them to make it happen it cost you from A to Z I look at the fucking bills for her you gotta work Jack you gotta work just just even to cover basic like housing and food is expensive now it's I figured it out like a month ago without the calculator by the way and my jaw dropped and there's sneakers for her and you know I looked at thank God thank God me and my wife ain't got bones you know I we have a simple dinner schedule Friday we go to McDonald's it's what she likes some Fridays I get chicken nuggets

with her you're not home two fires a week yeah excuse me you're not home two Fridays a month yeah so the two Fridays I'm home we pick her up and she wants to go to McDonald's we got the gift box and I'm fucking Sunday we go to Mama Maria's where it's $40 for all three of us you know me and my wife don't go overboard we cook during the week my wife made a beautiful piece of fucking whatever tonight not salmon but the other one halibut right with some corn you know I stay in I mean the main concern is the child in her future you know I'm thinking about different things now they often me some pretty neat stuff on the road they often me some theaters on the road hell yeah I'll be talking about it more you know like I said I'm trying to write I'm trying to put

together a whole new fucking situation here I'm on for 420 with the Agostino and uh Felicia Michaels for Oxnard I'm trying to get my main man Matt Fultron with me at Levy live April 20 whatever whatever I'm up there at the end of the month uh Theo Vaughn was in Denver this week and thank you very much for the people from the church that went in support of Theo Vaughn he really did great he was at the other club and I got him into the comedy work some Rick Kern showed up and had a great time with him so if you went to see Theo Vaughn and also I want to thank you guys for supporting the comics that come on the church I'm hearing great fucking things from Kate Quigley in fact some kids sent me something from Vegas yeah you guys go out and

see Greg Fitzsimmons and we listen it's a beautiful fucking thing comedy everybody was fucking sold out this weekend so if you're into comedy fucking thank you from the bottom of my heart man a little itch over here my nutsack it's not really the nutsack it's a love the fucking thing what are you looking at me all week I'm sorry I apologize so yeah we got uh this book will really help you oh I can't wait I'm gonna order it now no I'll let you I want you to read it and in a week give me what you thought okay online on Monday this is really gonna help you Lee this is gonna narrow you down you know it gets a little weird at some points

just read through it it's I want you to read about resistance I want you to really get into what the fuck resistance is resistance is invisible and it once you read that and you understand where you how your mind works you know when it broke it down like I said when I read the Anthony Robbins thing a lot of that made sense but a lot of it was repetitive and either it's gonna stick or it's not and 30% of the time it don't stick this shit sticks if you're looking to write on writing sticks this shit sticks with you and this is you know man I get a thousand fucking emails a day thank you Dante Gazzini always sends emails I read his letters but I got a lot of emails from people on different gmail accounts and shit and people stuck people

are fucking stuck now again bro get a notebook start writing it down you want to get off those pills you want to get off that heroin you want to get off the blow it took me a year of writing how much I hated fucking life for me to finally get off the powder and I know that 20% of it was the shit I was writing in that notebook I looked at that notebook three years later and I not just threw it away a lot of notebooks you just throw away okay I ripped the covers off it and I cut each page with scissors and such tiny things because I never wanted anyone to ever read what I went through that year before I quit cocaine the things that were on that paper were truth a lot of truth which isn't pretty that's like that's really dark dude like like you went like

you made this you cut every page in every January I would start every January one I would get two notebooks because I know it would go through two notebooks and I would name them that year okay and in 2007 the year I got off blow I threw that notebook away when I moved to the valley which was 2009 and when I read I was like maybe I'll keep this maybe I'll keep this who knows and when I started reading it I said not only do I not want to keep this I don't want to see this again because this was a per if somebody read this just by reading this they give this to the authorities and make them come get me just to do uh like they probably take my shoelaces and fucking put me in a black cell I swear to god 5150 whatever that is shit I was writing that those last eight months before

like that summer when I was doing heroin oh the shit I would write at night when I was doing heroin was so sad was just my bitter guts of what I thought about myself why I was doing the drug you know and then it got goofier and goofier how I was gonna stop snorting coke by doing the heroin and then when I and then there was that fucking weekend in November and then if you look at the week before I quit coke instead of writing a page and a half I was writing like four pages this is how you remember everything this is crazy I never needed all this you have to write when you wake up in the morning and then midday you have to finish the other side of the page and explain how your day went what your expectations were what you didn't really do if you really stick to this

and you keep three years of the time and you look back and you fucking will throw it away unless you're just like gambling and making millions or you're in the stock market but to see the guts what you were writing when you were struggling is something that's I would never publish it even now I look at like I'll look at in July I'll look at next last years how honest are you in them like is it hard to be brutally honest do you lie to yourself sometimes no no no no no no no no no no I'm lying you know they're not memoirs and it's not a diary with a lock on it you know what I'm saying remember 20 years people I'm like I write in my diary every day and then everybody would steal your fucking diary and you crack and people would steal your

diary and you be in there talking about how you like fucking candy canes or something no this is what I wake up in the morning my morning writing is about what I wake up in the morning if I'm angry about something I write it out and why I should be angry and how it would resolve the situation early in the morning you ever wake up angry Lisa yeah this is what you do oh my god and it's a lot better if you smoke a joint this morning I didn't wake up angry I woke up really rested and when I started writing this morning I went on fire because I don't know why once I saw mercy and I started talking to my wife I drank some coffee and I was going fucking bananas but um I've been sticking to my writing plan six days a week two paragraphs a day I've been

sticking to it man and it's only it just pops up it's the weirdest thing it just pops up now it took me four years of fucking writing to get to this and if you read the war of art it that's what it tells you what do you mean it just pops up to make sure you sit down and write every day it took me four years now now for some reason little it boom next thing you know I got one paragraph down next thing you know I'm blending the two paragraphs together next thing you know I add a third one next you know I look at the clock it's 10 to 5 let me add my sentences for tomorrow let me start the outline for tomorrow and boom I closed the computer I'm done for the fucking day and the next day I have my day proportion so I know exactly when I'm gonna hit that fucking thing

it's really weird how it doesn't become an addiction but it becomes an automatic response now just because I read that stupid war of art because I wasn't sitting down that book forced me to sit down stop bullshitting yourself the only way you're gonna learn to write is by writing the only way you're gonna write your goals is by writing your goals every day so you find the niche in your day and you write at that niche and all of a sudden you get like I wouldn't write my book in the morning when I wake up my head's too fucked up there's no way so in the morning I write jokes that's from my head's fucked up that's how I want to write a joke when it's not really me it's somebody else that woke up after 22,000 milligrams of edibles and an anxiety pill and fucking joints and I swang

a bat and a protein powder but you're not fighting yourself and trying to write it at not at 10 p.m. no I'm not chasing the goat no more no no no no I'm not pulling the weight watches when I'm eating fruit at night to beat the fucking points you know I'm saying none of that shit that's I feel like I'm gonna get really pissed off of myself when I read this book yes this the time I read it a couple weeks ago I thought a lot about you when I read this book because we all have a we're lacking something the reason why we're not where we are is because we're lacking a certain element in our lives and I'm no better than you guys this is why I read this shit I don't read this shit because I'm king for root and I'm the smart I was five cool the lumb down whatever that shit is what are

your five couldn't alum whatever when you're the smartest person in the school five beta cap is one yeah suddenly kumale kumale and sum kumale whatever I wasn't any of them no I could tell went to see fucking bad santa too that told me a lot about you you're fucking mogulka I would tell you but uh I'm excited to read it I'm excited to see well do you think I'll make some changes immediately and in the way I run my life you'll be a little guilty I think you'll get a pad and read through some stuff again I think that uh should I take notes or do you think I should just read it for absolutely take notes okay you're gonna see a lot of shit in there you know Jesus fucking christ

there's one chapter where he tells you that sometimes you have to be a little angry you know you know some people uh the great bobby slate and yesterday wrote that denzel washington was an asshole that you know uh uh what's the name of the host jimmy kimmel jimmy kimmel was hilarious and denzel didn't lie you know what man that that's a difference between kids and men there's some people who ain't got time to fucking giggle all right you want to say something funny and knock me out of the park knock me out of the park but if you want me to hear sit here and fake giggle I'm not gonna fucking fake giggle I don't even want to fucking be here you know what I'm saying and that's what he talks about you have to have a little bit of that anger he describes his whole

writing career and all this shit he went through I think one of my biggest problems is being assertive not being assertive enough and that's I think that's something I have to fix again I don't think you have any mental problems I think you have the problems that a 28-year-old has that's sick and tired again kicked in the teeth you're striving for ideas you come up with 10 ideas a day you have 100 ideas a week and you start none of them right exactly and you know we've listened you're not you're not a failure by no means that means who gots that means nothing you're gonna have bad ideas 20 times I really really think and I applaud you I've been watching you for five years and I see what you want to do and I see what you want to want to do and you

kind of find the kind you've mentioned to me how you always thought and you want to be a professional gang with not something your mom's gonna be proud of I mean she can handle the podcast for two more years but if she finds out about the professional gambling oh yeah we discussed different types of gambling we discussed that there's a way to gamble and a way to fucking just throw away your money might as well every time you see somebody give them $200 and the thing that you said to me a couple weeks ago and that that has turned it exactly true was that you're not gonna get better at it doing it once every six months and in my head I don't I talked about how the podcast has been doing great I'm making I'm doing great now I'm doing a lot better than I was a couple years

ago you cut a lot of waste okay I have an a cable in two years no but you cut a lot of the podcast you were doing yeah you weren't getting nowhere so you're more refreshed more you know I get hit up a new company hit me up and see if they want to go I want to go in business with them if you and I had a different concept for a podcast and I'm like I'm very happy with the church I'm very happy we're looking at Death Leopard on the wall I'm very happy about fucking playing music with you I don't think I should start another fucking podcast no very happy we're doing two podcasts don't we and that's the way it fucking goes you know I'm saying I feel it it's just crazy yeah read that book and next Monday we'll talk about it the next Wednesday

when Chris Herron calls on the show next March 8th the guy had a 30 30 about addiction if you have an addiction right now you better watch this fucking Chris Herron 30 for 30 I know it's on ESPN dot com or something they got to have it on there on that 30 for 30 or when it's on youtube before next Wednesday make sure you watch the Chris Herron one this guy was a bad motherfucking ass white basketball player I mean Larry Bird type shit that smoked his fucking fingers you know the same story you've heard 20 000 times but what he's doing now I admire these guys these guys that go clean listen yeah I don't do the fucking craziness no more I'll eat one of those Larry pills from time to time I'll smoke a little too too sweet a little edible but God

I knock on whatever fucking day that I'm not putting that white shit in my nose or eating butter booms and anxiety pills and chase no no no no no and it all starts with this book guys The War of Art by Steven Pressfield I don't care if you're fucking drinking battery acid read this book for me all right and you'll be fucking tweeting me in a year going Joey I'm not doing that shit no more because of this stupid fucking book how many pages is the link and again guys I don't even know who Steven Pressfield is I never met him Rogan had him on the podcast two of the great great podcast guy you know he wrote his experiences and how you could become a better fucking at whatever but what stops us from going to where

we're trying to get what to say cost 162 pages and it costs $12.95 $18.95 if you're in Canada $12.95 to change your whole life I don't make a dime on this guys I just you know I'm not sick and tired I'm really concerned of all the emails I get with people not knowing their next move or what's stopping them this is it this is it the fuck lead what the fuck lead so yeah I'm not doing dick this week I'm doing a show Thursday at the store tomorrow night I think I'm gonna go to a Laker game for the first time in fucking six years somebody invited me this time I get out of the house like I said guys you know how social fucking awkward I am but tomorrow night I'm gonna do something that I haven't done in years I'm gonna go to a basketball game holy fucking shit I can't

believe I put myself in this situation I gotta meet downtown at six o'clock so I'm gonna Uber leak are you gonna Uber me a fucking thing I tried to call my man he never hit me back I don't know what the fuck's going on that Armenians always on point and shit and that's it man let me talk to you people about something very very important that I opened up my underwear the other day I opened up my underwear drawer and there was one pair of blue shorts like blue gym shorts as you would call them and everything else was me on these I couldn't believe that there wasn't a pair of white underwear no more it was all me on the whatever the big sizes and I got red ones they sent me the Valentine's Day one I got fucking Christmas ones I gotta give Lee a couple I always forget and I put them on

I don't want to give Lee you's done the way I appreciate that yeah but I gotta tell you something the more and more I wear those things the more and more I like them I wouldn't even take underwear on the road with me I take three pair of me on these and I only wear like two of them I wear one like one day and a half at the gym because ball sweats ball sweat who gives a fuck when you're in the road but I'll tell you what I like about them I like that I don't feel like I have something on and that's the most important thing about me on these all right what is it with me on these first of all they're seriously soft they feel good and me on these is delivered right to your door me on these are designed in LA and made from substantially sourced micro modal a fabric

three times softer than cotton me on these softer than soft luxurious underwears come an ever-changing selection of classic colors bold shades and adventurous patterns so you can tailor your undies to your own personal style you open up my drawer and it looks like a rainbow of colors I got blue underwear I got red underwear I got underwear with hearts on them I got blue underwear with snakes I got underwear and guess what I like every fucking pair of them all right and guess what else you can save time and money each month with a monthly subscription all right and if you're not ready for subscription that's okay you can still save that's because me on these is offering you 20% off your first pair just use the special url me on these dot com slash joey

and get 20% off your first pair uncle joey never bullshit you these are the pair underwear you've been going for right so go ahead revamp your underwear draw you deserve it you want good underwear you got a fucking paint a piper and these underwear are worth every single fucking dime I love them to death they keep my nuts off they're tight I don't even think I got them on and everything's beautiful all right once again revamp your underwear draw once again me on these dot com slash joey again me on these dot com slash joey trust me get those for father's day for your grandfather his balls will be comfortable father's day's coming mother's day's coming me on these is for you go to me on these dot com slash joey and get 20% off your first order

or just subscribe all right number two every time I come in here I look at that watch li has and I go Lee is a bad motherfucker Lee talk to me about this watch you still love it that I love it it's it first of all I mean you've had it for I don't know since Christmas yeah at least no problems no no problems it's still running great it's I really like the design it's really lightweight like you said about the me on these it doesn't it I've had a lot of bigger watches that feel really clunky and you're in your it hurts your wrist after a while and so you don't wear them this is really comfortable and it's uh it it's just I love it let me talk to you about it MVMT watches all right pronounce the movement was founded on the belief that style shouldn't

break the bank right this is what I've been telling you for years right you want to go to Chinese restaurant they got the lunch special 595 you got a diet soda that's that's breaking the right there it's a beautiful deal the watchmaker's goal is to change the very the way consumers think about fashion by offering high quality minimalistic products at revolutionary prices with over 1 million watch watches sold to customers in 160 countries around the world MVMT watches has solidified itself as one of the world's fastest growing watch companies all right listen you know how we started this podcast it started five years ago we began what 3000 downloads nobody wanted to talk to us nobody invited us nothing and now we rock and roll with the

best of them all right that's the same way they did with this watch company MVMT watches started $95 at a department store the same watch you're looking at four to five hundred bucks MVMT figured out that by selling online they were able to cut out the middleman like everybody's doing now and the retail market providing the best possible price classic design quality construction style minimalism over 1 million watches sold in 160 countries i'm gonna tell you what i'm gonna do get 15 off today MVMT with free shipping and free returns by going to MVMTwatches.com slash church break it down leigh chu ch these watches and really have a nice clean design i'm telling you leigh has been getting compliments i see how he is around the bitches it's a badass watch it looks good on

now it's time to step up your watch game go to MVMTwatches.com slash church listen to me again father's day is coming go to MVMTwatches.com slash church he's gotta love it all right same baddies coming you know you want to give your husband or your wife a watch this is the watch for you MVMT.com slash church MVMTwatches.com all right we'll be back Wednesday you know i love you motherfuckers with all my heart don't forget my goobies baltimore march 16th the day before st patty's and then you got levity live the last week of the month all right guys i love you we'll be back on wednesday ready a fucking rock stay blackish you want my love and you can deny

you know it's true but you try to yeah you turn down love like a twillie bear yeah you can't give what you never had yeah well i bless your soul you can't fool again you can't hide i bet you bet you can't hide love can't hide love well i bet you yeah

you can't pretend there's nothing bad girl i'm looking your eyes see you can't so why not stop trying to run and hide you won't find out if you never try you want my love well i bet you yeah love is by the time you can't say yeah can you find a time to listen yeah

and you find a time to listen yeah uh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh