Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #465 - Willie Barcena

Episode Date: March 21, 2017

Willie Barcena, Comedian with 12 appearances on the Tonight Show and 3 stand up specials (with a 4th on the way), joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.  This podcast is brought to you by: Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 20% off of your first order. Seeso: Seeso is the new ad free streaming service. Bingeable comedy. Anytime. Anywhere. Use code JOEY to get 2 weeks for free. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 03/20/2017.
    

oh shit Monday whatever the fuck is it Monday March 20th who the fuck do you think you're dealing with on it is the main sponsor of the church of what's happening now go to honor calm right now and pressing code word church and get 10% off number two listen elevate your underwear game to the next level you perfected your wardrobe now get the party started there's nothing better out there than me on these me on these not calm right now I'll get your 20% off your first pair go ahead revamp your underwear draw number two let me tell you something CISO is getting up there you understand me with specials from Nick

the Apollo Gina yeshaya and a new special from Faheem Abwar right now you get CISO for $3.99 a month but wait right there if you go to CISO.com right now sign up for two free weeks with the promo code Joey that's all I'm doing tonight forget the $3.99 I'm gonna give you two weeks code word Joey there you go who you think you're dealing with Joey bananas kick that muley oh shit just when you thought it was safe take it to the next level Lee come on blow that fucking earphones out Lee here we go it's your lucky day cops suck this

it's the church of what's happening now bitches coming at you dig these little sticks right here here we go here we go oh shit it's mission impossible Willie Bar Center Lee Syat Uncle Joey coming at you here we go oh stop it here we go what's happened you bad mother fuckers uncle Joey here Lee Syat my main man Willie Bar Center what's happened guys I hang out with you yeah all right what's up with you there Lee Syat I had an amazing I had something happen that never happened in my life before I left Vegas with more money than I went

there with oh shit look at you amazingly practicing like you work like you said it actually worked I've been playing like every week for like two two months or something like that a month and a half and I did we're going this week oh probably Thursday I think this no no nothing not to Vegas just to somewhere around here I would love to go again this week but uh no it was um I love Vegas I don't I understand for comedians if you're stuck there for like a week that must suck it sucks dick but for a long week fucking blows man by Wednesday you want to shoot yourself you're hearing ding ding ding ding ding you've already fucking

drank it was I don't know it just didn't bless you don't really have a lot of money to gamble like it's not like that's why people go to spend money I think I liked I like I like the short week I did one of those long weeks one time at the Lexor when it was Catcher Rising Star Sun and it was just these are three shows a night yeah three shows that's crazy everyone shows for fucking $50 or something like that it was fucking ridiculous then I liked Reno Reno was a little bit a little bit more how do you say that the genocic wah what you see in Reno is what you get yeah but that club I liked because it was an easy five

shows I featured you know I went on a Friday's they paid you so the guy was cool we don't have to wait till Sunday and shit so I liked it because of that but I don't know I never did well a whole week in a fucking casino man I was in Baltimore last weekend if you came to one of the shows thank you very much the shows were great the city was great you know the day I left somebody through a fucking firebomb into a building and killed two teenagers they don't fuck around in Baltimore though first I got there on a like one thing I'll never do again is take a fucking red eye Willie that is it that is it that

is it that was the last time the painful man I missed my last red eye and you miss your red eye you just go home yeah there's no next flight you know there's a one there's what people understand that over and again I hate to be this fucking guy 30 years ago when you got on an 11 o'clock flight if there was 80 people on the flight 40 of them were drinking it was more the lights were on in the back if you wanted to drink you walk to the back you can hang out you could switch your seats today you can't do that these planes are fucking packed to the brim they turned the lights out I can't sleep on a plane you know I always

thought whenever I do edibles and get on a plane I go fucking crazy at night in the daytime it's fine but at nighttime Willie I go crazy I start sweating and my legs won't stop that shit at night that you get I never get that people say they have movable legs at night I never get that till I fly well this time I didn't eat marijuana and I fucking got it though so I was telling one of the air attendants on the way back and she said the cabin pressure something is fucking with my system at night so she goes don't do it no more than I got out the fucking plane the plane is early I get to the hotel 5 30 8 30 in the

morning I can't fucking sleep I can't fucking sleep you gotta go outside and smoke 52 joints and I had to go eat breakfast by the time I fell asleep was 9 then you're walking around at 12 30 and then you go back to sleep till about 4 30 and then you got to stay up because the fucking show you're like a zombie you're like a fucking zombie yeah and I had great shows I mean they're cool and shit in Baltimore they took the ride I think one night they stiffened up a little bit and then we start talking about being blue cow they were great the fucking for St. Patty's Day I had to do radio and they said the girl

that picked me up at the airport said I'm picking up tomorrow at 7 30 in the morning and it's like a 30 minute ride but afterward it says Jimmy's seafood so I thought that I had to go to like like to meet the owner at a seafood place I wanted to buy me lunch and I'm like I'm fucking too tired you know let me just go to the hotel and watch gangland whatever the fuck I watch on Fridays and then I go out or remote or when they do remote remote from restaurants but dog they then that night everybody was like listen tomorrow you're doing the remote from Jimmy's okay and they're like wait it makes sure you get the crab cakes like

they're the best best crab cakes in Baltimore I got that guys at 8 45 in the morning and this place was bumper-to-bumper with people and these people were fucking drinking and I'm not talking about beers with it like Fagli people like yeah like drinking beers the waitresses had fucking things those things filled with these shots of whiskey and these people were doing these fucking shots like they were water at a quarter to nine William my soul was hurting like I hadn't done that in 30 years had a shot at a quarter to nine that's when you feel shitty dog I shot at a quarter nine but you know what you

know I'm a drinker I'm okay with that oh my god this place was packed and Lee they brought out two crab cakes I couldn't eat the fucking corned beef and cabbage because I don't eat meat on Fridays even though the arts dynasty says you can each meet for same patties I said I don't give a fuck I'm old school Lee have you ever seen this corned beef and cabbage you would have fucking gave up your religion when I smelled it my fucking heart stopped and I didn't eat the guy brought out two crab cakes that were delicious I went back to the hotel I smoked some part of your big corned beef guy yeah I'll corned beef and

cabbage how many times a year do you eat it twice if you're lucky maybe once yeah I love that shit I've always loved it with a ride bread and shit what I don't know I mean I never had like a real legit like my mom made it a couple times I had I never had one to like a legit Irish place and got it or is it Irish isn't an Irish dish yeah that's what they give you for same patties there most of those places yeah but this shit was money like I've smelled it when I was a kid I used to like corned beef sandwiches on Ryan tremendous and shit so what's going on Willie bus and right here bro you're chilling with you

man always brother you read this fucking thing today this kid got charged with 29 felonies what did you do he's the one that beat up the the porn star you know oh they're on the war machine oh yeah there was a yeah I saw the they were showing his girlfriend testifying yes you test but what man she she she got beat up bro you see those pictures probably broke her teeth and shit I mean 29 felonies Jesus Christ and Lee was saying that he got away with four of them that he originally got charged with 35 of them it was something like that it was like he got like they couldn't prove that he wanted to murder her can you

imagine being his attorney I got good news I got six felonies dropped okay what's the bad news you got 29 to deal with 29 for 35 years old Willie so what is he getting what life was getting life life yeah well that's what it would out of home never see your street again no no you know what I got to give it to that to that girl man because she was able to turn that around you know you know she's she's made t-shirts with emojis with a what a black eye on it I don't know if you know about this no yeah and she's selling it's like she actually created herself she's created like a little a cartoon of herself with

a black eye and and wrote some like you know something underneath like you know I'll survive or like you know you know some empowerment thing and she's made some really good cash from that man that's a you know well I know she's donated a lot you know she's donated a lot man I'm saying it's smart and the medical bills were fucking astronomical with that right the medical bills were fucking huge man not yeah he fucked her up and this is just that there's some fucking crazy people out there you know I wish him I don't know what to wish him I don't know what he's going right to where you don't come back right he's going

to heavy-duty what you see not even what you see on TV he's going to jail in Vegas just like he's not going to OJ is all right he's going somewhere that you might get three meals a fucking day and you do fight they don't give a fuck you're in there for life bro that's the real UFC his they were saying in the article that I read that his lawyers argument was basically dumbed down to like Roy rage essentially was part of it you know you've known people who did steroids would they go crazy would they get like that violent so that was the excuse was the other Roy's that was part of the excuse yeah you know brother some

men react different to fucking with that pussy okay there's a thousand lessons out there so okay you know my philosophy on that bro and here it is I've had buddies that are married a lot of friends that I married this is what I tell them this is what I tell everybody look man if you know if your chick's gonna fuck somebody there ain't nothing in the world you can do about it man there's nothing in the world you know what I mean if your chick it and tens is all your chick is fucking somebody you know because we're always busy man we're always on the road I always tell most of the comics that I talked to I tell

dude trust me your chick fucking somebody hey you know they need a hug man we're on the road someone needs to get my hug now I'm just talking about his fucking question like what what makes you don't know listen whenever I go see my mother and I go to put flowers in my mother five or six five or six graves before that as a kid named Pedro Diaz he used to play basketball with and when all those Marietos came from Cuba all that shit he thought he was cute and he got a job working for guys like a bodyguard or some shit and he started fucking the guys why they shocked them in half they shocked them in half some

people go you did me a favor right you know what you never know what the reaction is gonna be so don't fuck around Christy Mack is a beautiful fucking girl she's out she's you know they broke up she's going on moving on with her life you know I'm saying she's trying to put the pieces together she starts seeing this guy who knows what went on and whether she's a porn girl or not he came in there I mean listen if you wanted to kill him he would have fucking killed didn't the guy get away yeah like the new boyfriend the new boyfriend got away so you know if you want to go which is really weird there's a lot of

weirdness here but what he did nothing compares to what the fuck he did he went nuts bro yeah he went fucking nuts you went OJ yeah he went OJ you know didn't he fuck her again stuff after he beat her he did the towel it was fucking horrible so who knows people react to things differently bro yeah yeah I mean like when you went down and ripped the ceiling when you get in the coke from that guy's apartment is like is that the same thing like no no no there was no anger involved there no okay there's no anger I was going to get what was mine and my fucking demented addicted head there's two different types of lashes

there you know like this I'm trying to be a thief I mean dog when I'm a thief don't get me wrong adrenaline's pumping your heart's pumping you go deaf you can hear your heartbeat you know all that same shit happens but to walk listen to me walk and break in the house oh he had a key didn't he I don't know that was a while ago I don't remember that part he had a key he went in there heard him fucking kick down the door and just started beating on him why do I know I knew a guy like that uh right out of high school man dig this you know this guy right out of high school bro it became a copper LAPD right broke up with his

broke up with his uh was an old lady they had like a little split right this and uh it was here in Glendale man and and and he told she started dating some dude and he came home I guess he had a couple kids and he told her um and this is on the alley times but this is all you know I mean you can you can look this up and uh so he tells the guy hey uh listen this is my wife we just broke up for a while just leave just leave man don't I don't want to see you again I'm gonna let you I'm gonna let it go this time but I don't ever want to come back and see you again so anyway the guy doesn't take him serious man and uh and

he comes back like a couple weeks later and the guy's in his living room sitting there so uh you know this guy who I know real while man I went to junior high in high school with him from you know his story goes is he puts the kids in the closet and then uh he just starts shooting this guy man right there but like you know like you say bro you never know you know who it is it's young guys young guys react like because in most of the stories you know old guys brother you know you know when you're young you think it's like the

it's like the last piece of pussy you're gonna have in your life like oh my god you know no this this is like this pussy so special you get older man you're like that lion from the Discovery Channel you know those old those lions when they fight each other they fight for the pride and you know like the old guy loses he doesn't lose man he's like fuck it man I'm tired of shit you know wait till you fucking deal with pick fucking take care of these five bitches do you know what I mean as you get older you're like yeah you don't give a fuck you like take them bro

wow man I mean what do you think? I mean OJ was 50 OJ was 50 bro there's no age limit on this. You don't think so? You don't think it's rage? Not testosterone thing? Rage is rage. Listen, right the time with a dude that was like Lee he was mild-mannered he read books he was a nerd in 1988 right he was considered a nerd the real dude with the glasses right right he said he went home one day and he could smell it he wasn't doing any drugs at the time he said he used to smoke pot and cigarettes

and drink nothing like that this guy was five foot eight 160 tiny you know what people consider uh what's that not millennials what's the other ones the one skinny jeans hipster he was a real hipster like even in jail right he wore the boots and shit you know and I became friends with him and he told me a story that he went home one day and then he smelled something that he shouldn't have smelled right because it smelled like a fucking sex right he goes and I asked her questions and I would see that she was nervous and he goes I didn't threaten her

nothing he goes I just played it I came home early one day and there she was in bed I pulled out a gun and shot them both and here I am whatever 18 years later that was it he was very cool man at the bottom he you just said they weren't going to get away with it did he say like he blacked out or he did it did he walked in with the gun no he walked in heard them he goes I didn't even see him he goes I went and got the gun I kicked open the door and just shot them both

yeah man so and he shot him and and that's what he said you know he knew I was cool and stuff so he goes he shot him in the head and the fucking dick or something and she just went into fucking shock and he goes you got three minutes to live with something bitch and she started hyperventilating and he just blasted the rest of the clip in that shot bro who the fuck knows shoot me in the head first and then dick can you fuck I don't want to dig first and then the head you know shoot in the head and then you can shoot the day

I asked him questions like that were you a violent person before this right and he was like I never even got into a fist fight he goes I had guns to go hunting and I guess whatever he hunted right you shoot with a gun if it's a bat I don't know I don't know nothing about this shit he was a Colorado boy so I don't know you know he goes I had everything in the garage he goes I just knew something was up I asked him did he premeditated he goes no I just wanted to confront him so it's fucking a scary thought

it's a fucking scary thought of what you would do it's a scary thought not but I think I think guys start thinking they own the girl they're with and I think this were where we start having problems because guys start thinking they actually own that girl and I and my thing is you if you put it in your head where you don't own anybody you know you like you just you just don't own another human being and if that person that human being uh decides to suck a dick you know or get laid whatever if you come from the perspective of

I don't own this person you know yeah I mean I'm like fuck it in 1993 I left Colorado I took a break I wanted to take a break I wanted to get back on my feet and I really wanted to do comedy I really wanted to do comedy I went to New York City did I go for it in New York City no I fucked around like I usually do I got high I got on stage a few times in 11 months but when I went back to Colorado I moved back there with a Puerto Rican girl and she was a drug counselor and then she figured I was still doing drugs

and I had to move out of her apartment and I started living at hotels and my cousins from time to time and I would sleep in Boulder in that process I don't even know I got in contact with this girl that was fucking hot when I was a detailer I used to detail cars at this place for all these dealerships and she was the receptionist but I would always talk to her what's up dog Joey baby she was from somewhere in the south but just tremendous

but the general not the general manager the manager the detail shop who was a very nice guy started dating her he had a corvette at that age you know he started dating her did I give a fuck no I didn't never said nothing I didn't even like her like that I had a girlfriend but at this time now in 93 him and her had a kid and she was off the deep end but Willie still looking good right and she got me a job she goes you want a job as a car salesman she goes I do the books for this place and I help out over there so I got a job over there with her and one

day she goes where are you sleeping till then they go she goes I can't stay at my mom's no more so I'm just gonna get a hotel do you want to split the hotel and after two nights we got a grandma call and sure enough I slept with her once or twice and it went on for like a fucking week and a half and one day I'm in Boulder and who do I bump into Todd right and we came up to me hey what are you doing he's gonna talk to you I go yeah what's up he goes listen man I talked to her the other day I know you guys been fucking around he goes just do me a favor

if you want he goes I really want to get back together but she's the mother of my son and I really want to give it a shot I don't know how you feel about it he goes I don't even know if I should be saying this to you I shook his hand I went over there I got my stuff I told her what had happened and I never messed with her again was I scared of the guy Willie not really but Willie how he came up to me it's a little scary no no no no no not at all because sometimes someone approaches you that calm man you're like no no he

was a gentleman okay he said that he wanted to but he also wanted her to be happy right and he kind of had tears in his eyes but he was a man he was a man about it he was sad you know he didn't trip he was securing who he was right I had another dude that he was dating a girl for three years somebody came up to me one day and said listen you guys don't make a cute couple she was talking about it one day and they were broken up like six months and I went to this dude like a man and I said can I talk to you bro how long I know you right and I said uh

I'm gonna ask her down to date bro and I don't want no friction between me and you and the guy looked at me goes that's up to you dog but if you do it there's gonna be a fucking problem okay now I am gonna fuck you know what I am so then I did sleep with the fucking girl and I don't know what happened who the who the fuck gives you shit but uh that that's that was my take I liked how he came up to me like a man right he didn't threaten me at all he just said he had a kid with a well you felt it man no I felt it he felt it he felt it it was this guy's coming from the heart

well what happened was at the time I had just been was I was I yeah oh yeah I was separated like two years so I know what it felt like bro yeah I knew what it felt like we all know what it feels like to be cheated on we all it's a horrible fucking feeling you know I'm saying that yeah that's why once you've been cheated on you don't do it you're like you know what man I'm gonna check myself in that department and shit because that shit would break my heart if it happened to me so is uh that's one of the things I didn't like about a small town because like if you're in like a high school if you just like

you're always gonna know someone who dated someone else is like the entertainment industry like the comedy like the people you guys used to date was everyone dating everyone or what could you stick away from stay away from that like could you stay away from dating like another comedian's ex-girlfriend or I'd never never been putting that position Lee really I was very fortunate listen man I looked at comedy a lot different than a lot of other guys I looked at comedy as a savior in a way like it was don't get me

wrong I bumped into different people now that you mentioned it you know what I'm saying like uh we all know that comedians are dirty dogs bro like we all you know we do some dirty shit or whatever so we you know and most of these comedy chicks are the same chicks they'll date you for three years you guys break up then she starts wearing a bikini going to open mics and shit right and eventually she's gonna fuck somebody and you could be tripped about that shit or they just come in and

there's nothing you could do bro you know those girls have been through the system they know the fucking deal if you end up marrying them or whatever and another thing because I was in that position these kind of people that this happens to 90% of the time you know when you're with a whore whether male or female you know what I'm saying you know when you're with a whore so you have to tolerate I used to date a fucking whore bro that I couldn't trust that the strip right moved here with was a fucking whore there was

nothing till this day she's a dirty fucking whore there's nothing you could do about it if you break up with her at three in the afternoon she'll have a boyfriend by 11 o'clock just on principal just on principal because that's how she that's just the way it is so you know where you stand nine out of ten times when you're involved in that situation and when I say the word whore I mean it as male or female right you know what I'm saying like you know when you're with a fucking whore you catch somebody with a fucking phone number they give you a story

now you're on high alert right now you're on high alert now you catch another story now it's up to you Willie now it's up to you Lee now it's up to me now it's up to you as a woman you know the second time you find the number and there's three hour discrepancy between here in the store you know what I'm saying like you went to Rouse it's ten minutes away well what happened well you're not gonna believe it they were out of carrots so the guy said he was gonna go to the other store and bring them so I said what am I gonna go home for I just waited for the carrots

and you make up this fucking tale that guess what Willie we've all listened to and we've all heard and we want to believe it right we want to believe it and that's what happens to people that's what happens to people you know I'm lying to you and then they'll tell somebody like the girlfriends that the girl will call and say Joey left he's with another woman and then that night took home where was that pendejo and he'll say oh no you're not gonna believe it he went to Rouse he got re-rendered the engine went on fire the fire department

had to come his cell phone fell in the water but when he got home we put it in rice and everything's okay now you know you believe what the fuck you want to believe when you're in love you know and then there's two types of love see the stripper I was never in love with it was that pussy it was that filthiness that filthiness that she would do I had never had I was married for fucking six years seven years and they don't let you like that pussy on fire and put fucking chocolate in that

pussy nobody you know what I'm saying so you know I put bottles in this girl's pussy who the fuck let you do I was infatuated with the thought of somebody else doing this to her and then one day I looked like how many dicks could possibly be in there I want to marry this fucking monster I want to marry this fucking monster and do what and do what and do what I got a cdd the kids what's that shit when you got to send in an anarchy test what is that shit when to see who the father is and that's what I want to worry about if this is this yellow kid my father

why does he have blonde hair I'm the you know I didn't want to worry about that so you fucking move on with your life and that's when people that's when other people say I started to get stand-up comedy because when I moved here the first two years in 97 98 60 percent of my focus was on that broad 50 percent of my focus was dissecting her stories you know 50 percent of the story the other the other but there's another moral to the story she was paying the rent yeah that helps and she was tripping

so you know what I'm saying like there was all these things that I didn't need to be there but because I was struggling to be a comic I was putting up with them because it was the ultimate goal and a lot of ways today I thank her because she got me to her life she got me to her life you know what I'm saying let's be honest no matter what happened between us she got me to LA she was putting my life for a purpose that dirty pussy God put it in my life for a purpose you know what I'm saying I like to leave with God

got uh got you some dirty pussy who else would play a dirty trick on you like that I'd say that I'm gonna get Joey some dirty pussy man no that shit son that shit's always been a a checkpoint for me like listen my ex-wife and bolder she cheated on me at the time I didn't know all right but now today after thinking about it I didn't see it I didn't see it at the age of 32 or whatever the fuck and all that was I saw it maybe 10 years ago one day just went because when I went to jail

he went in there for a haircut and he sent the flowers and when they were visiting and she goes let me tell you the story some guy came in and sent me flowers but he kept going in there for haircuts after that do you understand me and eventually he caught her when me and her weren't doing too good and then she came to me she goes we're gonna separate I'm gonna move in with my parents and that weekend I couldn't get a hold of her and she told me she went away you know I'm saying where the fuck did you go would you go away with

so now today I believed it now today after separating myself from the emotion I was like that's where she went all right and then you know she we fucking broke up October 15th she moved in before Christmas no she wasn't fucking she was just living on the couch what are you fucking retarded so that's the way life is that's the way life goes bitches tick tock tick tock what comes around goes around motherfuckers that's right that's right you know listen I got a friend of mine another dude who this guy was a player bro I mean

player handsome handsome guy man a fireman you know and this guy had pussy everywhere bro this guy had like just everywhere he went you know good looking guy you know anyways uh busses old lady fucking somebody right and this guy goes nuts man he busted you know with one with one dick he's had like a thousand pussies and he buses one dick and he goes nuts and uh literally uh how to get therapy and all that and then everybody's like fuck's wrong with you man you know you're like you're like the Washington

generals man you know that you lost one you know you know Harlem Globetrotters where a thousand you know you gotta give the Washington generals one you know his ego his ego got in the way yeah he couldn't fucking believe somebody would do with him but what comes around goes around bro women know when we cheat on them women know they're not stupid they're not fucking stupid at all and you gotta be a you know the other day Lee and I were talking about a subject real fucked up like we were talking about a friend of mine

that was older and he was telling me a story once that for four years he just paid this chicks right and he'd go there whenever he wanted to and just fuck her once a week he didn't care if she had a relationship right and then I started hearing it more and more and more you know all right Lee his head blew up because I was dirty when I heard about it like I had never heard about something like that I knew people giving you money for a piece of pussy

but I had never heard about guys just paying your bills making your car payment paying your rent and giving you a thousand bucks a month but listen here's the deal when I call you 10 minutes late I'm showing up and you're swallowing dick you're taking in the ass I'm lighting you on fire there's no questions you know I'm saying I'm fucking you without a condom I don't give a fuck if you got a boyfriend or not I'm sticking my big yonka and your little monkey you know I was blown away

willy I was blown away they got websites they got websites where just dudes will take care of you you know sugar daddy dot com go Lee let's see it let's let me throw that beer I want to see sugar daddy I know they have cougar let's see if they have got with something the first time I heard that willy like the first time I heard that I was 30 I had already thought I had heard everything first time I heard that I could not fucking believe it and then I started thinking about it over

the years and I go oh I get it now it's as fucking discreet as can be and the chicks would do it I guess do it all the time they got a couple fucking sugar daddies yeah they just keep getting cars and shit this is crazy I never especially in LA man a lot of them come here there's a good looking they used to be a comedian at the store they used to be a comedian at the store Lee that he bought in the fake tits she had a convertible Mercedes a yellow one he had him in a penthouse when I used to go to acting class there

was a black girl that lived right next to shack what the fuck does it say there so now the number one side is sugar daddy meat.com I hope you ladies have your pens out it's the best choice if you're looking for a sugar dad your sugar baby you love in relationship Jesus Christ told you bro there's also a millionairmatch.com similar to goodman seeking arrangement sugar daddy for me so this shit's legal sugar daddy yeah and and these cats man they're like uh

you know they they make money they don't have time to go romance anybody and uh and and it's like you said you know they're there for when you need them and then then get lost you know I wonder what it would cost you to sign up and shit just to fuck with a bunch of chicks the time I got like 10 million dollars they probably have like a vetting process you could you could probably get on sugar no it's a sugar baby that's the girl I am what let's see your sugar daddy seeking a sugar baby

no don't be putting my birthday in that kind of thing I'm not gonna do that but now you gotta give him an email oh yeah you're fucked yeah don't worry about no I just want to see what they would how much you got to pay these fucking animals oh my god 828,000 wealthy sugar daddies and 106 beautiful sugar babies yeah 600,000 you bet your ass there's a lot more giving than getting wealthy sugar daddies and young beautiful sugar what the fuck perhaps no and and they're only perhaps taking care of you financially that's how they get away with it perhaps

certified daddy's first day gift they got engaged what the fuck man just gonna just get a hooker bro you can meet sugar daddies in vandals right now well go over there Lee see who shows up a little chubby dude with a wig and shit holding the club in Kansas City I can't believe bro you didn't know that doing Kansas City had a wig no bro we were talking about that uh uh uh before we got the guy who owns the comedy club uh

that's not I still can't believe it's a wig it's a skunk bro he never died and when he does coke a crank you can hear it cranking up the glue fucking fucks up from the sweat there's two dudes I knew like that to do from ICM yeah which he was married to the comedian chick she disappeared remember he's anybody from ICM he she always opened up before he's got a wig and so does fucking uh what's his name what's his name oh man what I forget the dude's name you should start a new blog Joey what the wigs of Hollywood no I don't give a fuck at least when I'm gonna have a wig a little tube no you're not sure I'm thinking of shaving it off and just getting the tube to fuck with people's head look hey somebody just told me that that guy the the GM from the Dodgers

has a wig I don't know Caleta Caleta you guys know that somebody goes that I couldn't tell and I go to my ass I go how do you know he goes dude I'm bald I know wigs because I know that's a wig bald guys know that's cheating my god I didn't know there was a fucking website for that but it makes sense people just now what's the other one that they gave away the phone numbers Ashley Madison now what's that that's for uh just anyone who wants to cheat I'm sure I'm sure they're they have that under it but it's that that's for like anyone who wants to have like an affair that's what that's their big thing and you meet them online yeah which doesn't make sense at all no it doesn't make sense to me that's why I didn't know I didn't fucking like that I mean I've never cheated but

just whenever I see like this like these athletes get coming out and they have like these huge long text things with girls I'm like how you can't at all we'll talk your way out of that like at all you can't so like I don't like like no other when they there's a thing that's talking in DMs I don't uh I don't DM with any girls like I don't like I don't say hi to DM uh direct messaging on Twitter on anything for Twitter Facebook so they follow you on there like anyone yeah any girls anyone who follows you can DM you but it just like so you don't answer them because you know that leads to something while a there's like 97 male listening to this um but I'm not that high but no I mean I answer some of them but I don't like I don't flirt at all like it's just I don't want I don't want

any sort of weirdness I don't want any why don't you just go shoot yourself you're 28 fucking years old and you don't want no type of weirdness you want to sit in the house every night and watch parks and rec and fucking that's what you want to do die in there five nights a week thank god I get you out of here fucking you know thank god I get you out of house two nights and you go down there one night to play cards if not you'd melt into that fucking couch well I mean if I was saying it would be different by like I don't I don't what are you scared of living a little bit I don't want well no you gotta live a little bit what the fuck she wants to meet you say hello Lee maybe she'll send you a picture that little monkey it's first of all it's not like I'm getting hanged up like

let me let me suck your dick like that but if a girl hits you up you gotta hit them back and say no I always say hi and you're single you're single no he got himself into a fucking predicament he moves her in 28 now he's over there every night sitting on the couch sniffing his own feet and shit eating blue apron at night fucking you know you don't even see him no more is your first serious uh first serious girlfriend Lee uh yeah pretty serious like the first pretty serious one yeah the first one I've lived with you gotta live a little bit let them send you a picture that pussy and you can whack off on your wife's in the shower and do different things you know I'm saying if you're gonna be a monk already at 28 can you imagine you're 40 you're gonna be dead

I'm not gonna be a monk but I don't want to like I don't want like my biggest fear is to like have to worry about where I left my cell phone like that's bull look at that don't end up with what's wrong with that because I don't want to have to think about that oh like sometimes what if someone uh what if she's looking at the directions and then I get a text with a pussy picture I don't want that why she's looking at the direction don't you have her own fucking phone who cares it's a phone man you know what I'm telling you bro cheating today you you gotta be slick man like in our days you just you got a number you got a napkin you tore it up threw it away now that now there's too much uh you know there's too much paper trail it's a trail too much paper trail there's a trail for

no we but we didn't have that we didn't have that back in the day no reason no reason there's two girls came up to me in Baltimore and they have a podcast dick pics or something because they both got sick and tired of all the pictures of dicks they got let me tell you something I can live to be a thousand I won't send you a picture of my dick I'll show you my nutsack all day long I put on album covers I'll do the whole fucking thing but there's no way I would send you a picture of my cock and not at this age it's just embarrassing it's just fucking embarrassing to me was that a thing before did digital cameras when you were young did you have a picture you know with a Polaroid with a Polaroid you take a picture your dickens and put a thumbtack on her door and shit and

fucking rang the bell and ran like a motherfucker you know though you know how hard it was like I had friends that used to have Polaroids all the time I thought they were fucking disgusting first off the photography it wasn't HD right in those days like this red brick would have shined on the pussy oh my god I had a friend that every time I went to his house he showed me fucking pictures of the chicks he was fucking with Polaroids Puerto Rican Nelson too he always had all the pictures of chicks he was fucking with Polaroids I always thought that was the most disgusting fucking thing ever and you go to the house and they'd have stack of pictures Lee in those days of all the women they'd fuck with Polaroids like

who will let you take a fucking picture of him I let you take a picture of my dick but I'm leaving with that picture and I'm taking the fucking film in the camera what if you're not at your house like that you know are they walking around with the Polaroid camera would people walk around with that no everybody had them in their house in those days that was for the quick pic that was for the quick pic of the snatch or the patois whatever you were a pig but I'm telling you it was oh people always show up with fucking that's the way people would have pictures on their phones they'd have the jacket pocket come here let me show you what happened Thursday night how long would you care the same pictures around for years these guys were fucking perverts dog

you know I have a buddy that uh this guy uh he's been caught a few times and uh check this so he didn't want he's his wife told him look I'm not playing any games with you this chick would sniff his underwear his wife would sniff him to see if he's been fucking around right and he was fucking around this one night you know this dude did bro so his chick wouldn't sniff his underwear he crapped his pants man he shit it on himself so he ran home and his and and then he told his wife like can you believe I crap myself and she was laughing at him and he goes bro she laughed her ass off but she never smelled my underwear that night I gotta tell you that's one of the coolest moves I've ever heard in my life at one point do you look at your

relationship you know what man this chick is sniffing my underwear when I come home right this is to the point of my life where I'm living where at night when I'm on the fucking sleeping when I'm on the bed sleeping she tiptoes up and sniffs my fucking underwear that's a bad fucking relationship right there yeah that's bad man fucking hilarious you gotta admit man yeah no you know that was creative oh my god do you think they're still just going back to the Polaroids do you think there's a one guy from that era who still has some Polaroids thousands there's an old guy somewhere with fucking boxes of naked women bro boxes of naked women oh my god that day you don't even know they had with with hairy with hairy ass places bro my roommate in

Boulder was a Polaroid guy he had stacks of them going back to the fucking 70s to the mid 70s but like fucking college and shit Lee you just take you've seen the the the playboys from the 70s right yeah if you seen they're hairier than your face bro that back back then there was no trimming pussy we've never even heard of trimming remember I mean I never heard of that and then in the 70s and even the 80s well I didn't see a pussy till the 80s at that point they were still hairy and tropical and nobody Brazilian wax nobody was doing nothing and in the summertime they would shave like I knew a couple girls that were young and then I would go swim with them and they didn't even know they had a shave like the sides of the legs yeah they would still have I would

go crazy and there was no thongs bro yeah I was not looking at no jeans when I was a kid if you had bush sticking out of your bikini my head would blow up bro I would just come in my suit it was sexy it was sexy good and you'd see it Lee all the time you go to the beach and you just stay in the shallow water and wait for the fucking waves to hit girls and they'd stand up and their fucking the fucking it looked like a little afro will come out of the sides they had tons of hair where did we where did it switch up to to to trimming it to shaving it to waxing it you know whatever I trim my nuts now I got sick and tired of scratching the hair gets dry and you start to get itchy and so I had to start fucking trimming it do you have like a design that you like no

yeah I put like a diamond nothing I hold on to my dick and I tell my wife to shave around it with the electric shaver and she trims it all down nice and I put powder on it you should probably do a star or something no I ain't got time for that well you know why would I do something like that I'm 54 you have some fun with you like what else you get some giggles because I've already had plenty of giggles Lee it's not even me I'm worried about it's you you're 28 at 28 I wasn't even sleeping at night I was like an upside down fucking vampire you're 28 I call you at seven o'clock and we're cooking we're having a good time what fucking good time you're 28 in the house go on a chat shit line and see what 28 year olds are doing right now

they're not at home watching fucking season eight of parks and rec for the 80th time you know yeah I'm having a good time aren't you yeah let's talk okay what do you want to talk about I don't know they're not 28 year olds on chat lines anymore I feel like you feel like I don't know I feel like a 2000 what 2000 because I tell you you're an amateur you try to lie and say oh my god I did 2000 on camera look at my parents I saw you double up you ate a thousand how dare you I saw you double up I did not double up yes you did this is why you get so fucked up tonight I'm not fucked up I called you sadly when you ate 2000 you were fucked up and look thousand fuck bro he's in training he's listen you know I I just recently started smoking weed

like like within the last month and a half major smoke week okay I'm traveling on the road with these young comedians and believe it or not man they're worried about my health because you know I love to drink tequila bro I don't fuck around there's a guy that'll take a shot two shots I can take eight nine shots bro and I'm you know I'm smooth but they're they're like man Willie you know if you want to live longer and I know it man you know you know I know that that weed's more conducive to your body and all that but the thing is that I'm that's not something that I that I was you know what I blame my uncles man I was raised with these uncles when I was a kid and and they would play cards you know and they would uh and I was like eight nine years old and I would go get

beer and they play poker you know and they would always tell me like you know uh nunca fumas marihuana no son marihuana and then then you know then they drink a beer you know or give me a sip of beer so I always thought that marijuana was for like it was like crack and see they had they had programmed me to think that marijuana was crack man and and obviously we get older we realize you know a lot of my uncles are dead I mean more than half of them are dead because of alcohol so anyway so these kids right these young comedians I go on the road with man they're like uh hey Willie you got us and they all take I don't know how they do it but they can't weed everywhere we go every city illegal city cities you're not supposed to have weed you go you go to

jail for 20 years they'll get it yeah they gave me a bro I was telling you man they gave me my first edible uh you said 2000 milligrams right yeah no one takes that amount man I took 150 and and I couldn't laugh for your first time yeah I couldn't I couldn't move my arms and the weird thing is I don't know why this happened I don't know where what part of the subconscious this comes from it doesn't happen never it's never happened when I've been drunk but I couldn't move and I started thinking that the kid was gonna rape me I don't know why I don't know where that comes from you know I mean I'm sure that did you pass out how long no I didn't okay I did pass out after a while man after after like um you know an hour into it because they gave me an edible

and then they also gave me what I'm learning I mean I know you guys are pros but I'm learning I feel like a fucking baby here either the hybrid uh hybrid uh hybrid weed yeah and and then so I had him explain to me what it was and then it's basically like two different you get this type of weed that type of weed they fuck each other and then they have like different type of like weed babies right right so they're giving me that and um anyways bro it yeah I got uh you know and then I can't sleep I have trouble sleeping there's another reason they recommended this no this is the best if you can't sleep yeah so nothing better than this yeah so they uh melatonin after three days it wears out but we're rifa you can smoke one night take a piece of something one

night smoke one night take a piece of something one night the other night smoke something different yeah so your body never can become you have to trick your body just like working out trick your body trick your body isn't right right you know the reason why lee eats 2 000 milligrams of stars is because we've been eating them for a year and a half and two I can eat 2 000 milligrams and three hours later nothing happens to me this is why I gave him a philanthropy because I wanted my body to take a break from him if we start I tomorrow I can go to a store and by now there's gotta be a new edible that's 500 milligrams me and Leo bring here that here eat it and we'll get us more fucked up than the 2 000 milligrams we ate tonight because our body's not used to that one right we'll get

fucking anxiety we won't be able to breathe your body builds up a tolerance okay you build up a fucking tolerance man right you know and and I and people always say how do you smoke the way you do because in 1983 I was smoking out of a three-foot bung in Colorado in the altitude oh so that made my lungs stretch you know what I'm saying yeah my lungs are damaged no I'm not proud of this you know I'm not but not but it's not but they're not damaged like if you would have smoked a cigarette but I smoked for 10 years so I have the beginnings of that shit right your your lungs reach for air right that disease where if I would have kept smoking the way I would and the reefer I would have killed them it's really hard to repair the lungs yeah you

could stop smoking it's like the liver it's but it takes time take a certain vitamin supposedly I read I don't even know if the vitamin is is true how did a good friend of ours just died from alcohol just two weeks ago 44 years old bro I don't know man I always say Joey like the the only thing my father ever left me was a good liver man I believe that that's the only when you started drinking oh man I don't know 18 19 do you give it breaks no you go every night or just one on the road just on the road on the road yeah man and but but you know my dad used to drink a cologne bro like when my my mom would hide the alcohol he would drink the cologne and then when when she when he couldn't find the cologne he would drink the rubbing alcohol

you know so I feel that that that that's the gift he gave me he gave me a good fucking liver bro it's like my mom you know what I mean it's like he had it you know what I mean he gave me something bro I don't understand the your uncles that died what diseases did they die from most of them are alcoholism and you know and they go little by little they don't just go you know it's the diabetes and then they'll you know they lose a foot and then a leg and then their eyesight and even when they get the diabetes they keep drinking they keep yeah I remember I had I had an uncle man that uh they they and it was one of my favorite uncles man and I this is a good dude but uh I remember uh by the way this guy was a player bro my uncle was I remember in the 70s man I'm

gonna tell you something in the 70s he used to take me with him and and I used to wait in the car you know I'm supposed to be out doing things with him but he would take me and I was sitting in the car I remember the hot summer fucking days man while he'd go and bank some some some brought right and then he'd get back in the car and then go hey you know just tell him we saw Chinese connection you know that kind of shit but we didn't he would never take me uh uh uh to the movies or wherever I was supposed to go but this guy was a player he wore he wore that that that big tall uh that that leather jacket remember they would wear him even in the summer long was yeah even in the summer and he had the long the long uh uh f f f fender hair you know back in the

70s those those those are my uncles man those those type of cats so check this out man and my aunt went big mad as fuck I remember she would get mad at him because he wouldn't come home and as my uncle got old uh you know um he lost a leg and then and and but he wouldn't stop drinking and then and then he would watch television but he had to be two inches away from it I remember one time um I came home I came I went to go visit him and he was screaming man he was going hey he was he I could hear somebody screaming from the backyard hey hey right and I go what the hell so I go I go to the backyard and it's my uncle in his wheelchair he's up against the ivy up against and I and I go what's going on he goes that's your aunt she fucking put me here right I'm

like what the fuck so I get him out put him in the house and I tell my my aunt hey you you know Marco was uh in the bushes he goes yeah I fuck him you know because like now she got even you know 20 35 years later she's now like fuck you I'm the boss oh yeah man so I got it you know I got really nice that's gonna be me bro yeah I can't I've always been like I had a friend growing up that when he was like 20 they told him to stop drinking guess what he's still drinking he's still alive bro so where's Tony Bennett cocksucker oh shit I want to be around to pick up the pieces

oh nearly get it together you better read that fucking book again the war of art you're slipping shit I'll read it again 2,000 milligrams on set trying to pull that that's it you think he did it you think it was he did it oh on tape the other day was a lot he did something I did not do something he edits the tape he does like what they did you know Oceans 11 remember that movie Oceans 11 yeah yeah when Andy Garcia how they turned down the the film and then they they robbed the joint yeah yeah he does the

because when I call him that night after the 2,000 milligrams he he wasn't high at all tonight he eats 2,000 he's half mo moed up the whole fucking deal look at him he thinks he's yeah he does that trick that drinkers do the guys I can't what they do is they drop their the drop the shot yeah he thinks they dropped it so he puts in his mouth and drops it and and he only puts it 10 times he needs five stars I watched him you did one of these the other day Lee you took the star and you dropped it into your hand and you may believe you swallowed so what are you gonna do now you got the weekend this weekend that I'm at the ice house at the ice house brother but Saturday night you're taping a special and you were saying that

you're gonna produce it on under percent yourself yeah say you know fucking around who's shooting it yeah I'm a young film filmmaker named Michael Martinez his kid graduated from UCLA film school and sharp man this guy just knows you know knows his deal man and and I'm just doing it all man you know everything six cameras yeah man and we got the four 4k you know really really sharp cameras and I want to own my own project Joe you know this is my fourth special and man I you know I seen Nichols and dimes from my my other specials and I want to be able to say I own a property like I own this and I want to make a deal and and I know I know that people have said yeah there's some cats I've done their own project but nobody's bottom I've heard that but I know

how much work I put into my stand up bro you know and and and uh and every time I get deeper and deeper as I get older and wiser I'm able to talk more in depth about but you know shit that bothered me in my life so I guess the look for me I know the comedy is a little richer you know if you look at a joke I did if you look at my jokes from from like early tonight shows they're they're more jokey jokes and you can see the you can almost see the like my jokes growing as like like babies you know they went from like like barely crawling to walking you know what I mean yeah that kind of thing so now I'm so I'm excited about this special man I I I uh I get a little deeper about a lot of things you know race I get a little deeper about what uh how I feel about uh religion

you know a little a little deeper about you know uh being with my wife 24 years and and being more honest about about the shit that we go through so yeah man it's it's uh like I said I'm excited and and uh the last time I did a show at the ice house I wasn't filming but I was here with you bro and man a lot of your your fans came out and and the showed love and they said because you you know man you know you you know it says something when you when you say something bro is that kind of you like no I don't fuck around you're like you're like that commercial you have hutting you have you need to listen I'm not gonna put a comic in on the show I get hit up by a lot of people man and I've made mistakes with comics and put them on here maybe not

but I want people to open their eyes the guys I put on here I think I and I don't know why the reason I know your reason I know your reason because you've been here with me since day one and you keep going and you keep going nothing bothers you boom you've had the best managers and you had the worst man right you had the best agents and you've had the worst agents just like me right right this is a fucking journey that's and by now most of the people got off the journey like I wake up every morning I'm like how fortunate am I that there was people who came to this town got half million dollar deals right we're gonna be stars they would walk into the store with this attitude with this cavalier fucking attitude to deal didn't work out and they fizzled away because

they would never really stand ups to start off with yeah well a lot of them that stand up for just for the deal just for the deal yeah yeah they didn't do it for the love and you know what it really like you see through it it hurts your feelings when a guy disappears and what happened you know right so to see real comics that go through the bad times the good times the medium times and I went through all of them right I've been through all of them the bad you know the other morning I woke up and somebody had asked me if I did black rooms no I'm not racist but I can't work for a black promote because you know what happens sometimes you don't get paid you remember the time I ran out on the fucking DJ and they were waking us up in the middle of the night the fall

no he ran on the radio station the radio station woke me up at four and one have you seen him I forget what the guy's name was he says he was the tour manager of earthwind fire and he would book me and a bunch of other morons and bring a castle made of rubber and call us the latin kings or the latin something else of comedy and there was always a discrepancy every fucking night after the show or they say this this is this is a famous line because I heard this uh probably 50 times look man work with me brother yeah let me haul that shit dog the ticket sales weren't good that motherfucker was mad earlier yeah but I had to go away 400 tickets at the radio promotion and you're sitting there going Jesus fucking Christ and you know

this isn't a racist statement this is another I don't want people to take this is a racist statement there's a lot of I used to work in Beaumont Texas yeah white guys white guys Latinos they they all fucked me bro oh yeah no I've been fucked from every national alley yeah but the funniest ones have been black people except there was a black young couple they were engineers and I don't know if you remember they they owned the first comedy club in Beaumont this is 20 years ago the first time I worked at I featured for Ralphie somebody had fell out during the week and I had a feature for Ralphie and they were a great black couple they were great people they put you on a great hotel they brought food and on saturday night but I started at a black club in Denver yeah I started

a black club here yeah which one I started the comedy act theater what's the guy's name Michael Williams no Michael and Sharon Williams they were brother and sister but what was the name of the guy that used to do the the comedy show there from do the right thing sweet dick Willie oh baby's kids oh Robin Williams no something Robin Harris Robin Robin Williams Robin Harris man because yeah because when Rob I got there when Robin Harris died like like he had died a couple of months and then D.L. Hughley took it over you know back and then man bro back in those days I used to give Chris Tucker a ride to the comedy act theater he lived in an apartment up here near near a couple miles up up north from where we're at right now really Chris Tucker yeah check

this out bro you know when I used to pick him up he had a went in his apartment in his apartment all he had was a a bed but a bed on the floor all right and he had a he had a a milk crate and on top of the milk crate he had a fucked up TV but on top of the TV he had a picture of himself like just like just a picture of himself with his two fingers pointing pointing out and I remember asking Chris I go Chris why do you have a picture yourself like I didn't get it and he says you know why because I'm beautiful man I'm great he would tell me how great he was and at this time you gotta understand he only had five minutes of material bro but as I got older and and you read and you and and I understood now wow man you see the reason you can't have other people like love

you like actually believe in who you are until you you love who you are and and that's what you and I didn't know that I don't even think Chris knew what he was doing but he was just you know it was just natural for him to uh to just say man I'm beautiful man you know how you talk back in the day this was pre friday oh it's pre friday oh yeah no yeah bro I used to take him to mcdonald's he would call me up he didn't have a car most time he didn't have money and I would take him to mcdonald's and uh and buy him a buy him a burger man you know this is back in the day back in those days uh who was uh uh um guy tori you know joe tori pierre came on that movie with hallie berry uh uh man who's all those all those cats man what's up lee i'm doing okay

trying to tell me 2000 on saturday you didn't look like that on saturday what why is that you didn't see me on saturday I put you put your words together bro I called you on saturday I could tell you weren't this fucking high trying to con me and the american public and tell them that you're doing 2000 when you're doing a thousand so I'm saying you gotta I would never do that to any any public don't seem like great fucking days I you would I remember one night at that club by the car dealership you were telling me about picking them up in the valley I'm like Jesus fucking christ and how he got somebody was telling me how he got friday right they saw him at the store or something like that yeah yeah what the big thing was from nine he did death jam death jam really

blew him up he did five minutes on death jam and that was it man just shot you know remember back I remember I remember his joke from back in those days you know one of Chris Chris Tucker's early jokes is like hey man uh if anybody ever robbed me he'd just be practicing that was his big big joke back in the day man but uh yeah man he's uh he was a good dude and when I when I see him man he's you know what I like about Chris he's still still a cool solid dude you know he's always had his feet on the ground because we know bro you know you know Joey we've we've been around with guys you know like we like you said right now there are guys that that fizzled right but we also know cats that that fuck oh my god to the moon that that aren't the same fucking guys no no no no

you're like hey motherfucker I remember you no I remember fucking you know nothing bothers you more than that yeah you see some like there's people who are your acquaintances that blow up that's one thing yeah that's one thing when they're your acquaintance hey man I even you see them in actually happy for them they never did none to you but then there's people that you kind of knew yeah part took with you know at one time maybe one day you went to his house for Christmas your house and there's one day you see him and they just say no yeah like that's it like I'm a different person now I really don't want it and you're like okay right that's that's a that's a really fucked up reel man and I've heard this happen to a lot of people like even in the acting

community right even in the acting community they all went to acting class together and one day people actually have that conversation they actually say I don't uh I don't want to be your friend anymore no but like I heard a great like I knew a guy and and I had done a couple of projects with him he's an Italian guy and he had some great credits this guy but when I met him I could tell there was something not right he was a little too goofy and then he signed me up for something one day and it wasn't what he said happened I was embarrassed and I could tell by his choices that it was just fucked up but one day he was telling me he showed me something I had to go rehearse with him or something and we started I had to pick him up

and he was coming for a second and when I was walking out there was a picture of him like bro Nick Nolte uh some other dude James Gandolfini like there was just like eight actors and a bunch of girls at like a lakeside bar and I go what's this holy shit that's like fucking Gandolfini and like fucking whatever and he goes let me tell you a story he goes before Gandolfini got the movie with Denzel on the boat with Gene Hackman he goes we were great friends he goes in those days what you would do is you would audition all week and then on Saturdays you went to Marina Del Rey that's where this place was and you used to have a coke all weekend and you drink and bang chicks and he goes bro for fucking two or three years I mean he goes from that movie to this movie

I don't know what movies exactly he goes Gandolfini hung out down he goes in that app to get shorty something happening moved to the valley or something really fucking weird I don't know the whole story but I've heard a lot of weird stories like I know a guy right now that I still see him once a month at the coffee shop this guy was a big time agent gay as fuck good guy good guy and he tells me that he's good friends with somebody who had a child with Gandolfini off the record like she never you know but this is a boy you know yeah you don't know who to fuck to believe but this dude I've heard the story about this dude to be true and he's dead now but he was showing me these pictures and he goes let me tell you the funny thing this went on for like two maybe three years

you know we get together and we'd snow at all these guys Nick Nolte he goes they would just come to this bar and then we go to a house right and we party all weekend long and he goes I still remember that Gandolfini stopped coming around but he calls he goes after the sopranos first season he goes I'm a big mob type the guy was a big mafia worker he goes I actually called him I still had his number and he goes and he answered and I go Jimmy this is how you're doing I want to congratulate him on your success and he goes yeah yeah yeah and he goes uh listen the reason why called is because maybe there's a role for me on the sopranos and he goes listen I'm gonna be honest with you that stuff we were doing that was a long time ago oh you know I really you know

but you know he made Gandolfini look like a bad guy like one of those Hollywood actors you know what I'm saying yeah and I remember I remember I did a movie with the dude that was juniors bodyguard season one and he was friends with Gandolfini and I did a movie with him I told him that story and he goes probably goes I know exactly who that guy is he goes that guy was a fucking pain he has you know like he was just one of those guys that was a hang around see there's a story to everything you know people I had spoken to always said Gandolfini helped everybody you know he was just a great guy he fought for people he gave the money on the set that they times they gave him a raise he gave everybody a raise so when he told me the story I was like I don't know guy this don't sound

like this guy and that this guy from the sopranos confirmed he goes bro I know that dude too because I party with that fucking dude too he goes he didn't stop bothering Gandolfini he goes he called him from the minute he heard he shot a pilot for the mafia he started calling blowing up his fucking phone yeah and I guess one day Jimmy finally answered the phone and said don't call no more bro right you know right well you know listen I'll tell you a good story to this right when we're talking about cats with that with that vibe you know Emilio right Emilio Rivera yeah yeah he's he was on the sons of an army yeah you know he's he's uh I knew him from back in the day you know so right yeah and now they're he's the lead on the new

minds the minds uh and uh and he was down to earth man I invited him to the uh to the special uh this weekend and and he's just down to earth man he goes will you man I'll I'm dude I'm a big fan I'll support you I'm there you know what I mean you could tell it's just the same it's the same Emilio from when we used to do that room in East LA you know uh tortillas and and I'm on the podcast three times oh you've had Emilio oh my god he's one of my favorites of all time bro he's the real deal I see a lot of people don't know he's the real you know a lot of people don't know he's the real deal when it comes to a tough guy bro you know man he's got a fucking great story he's another guy that's smoking crack and yeah yeah because he did my podcast with Felicia

and that time he opened up about the crack and the fucking living in the car but that's interesting he is one of those guys because I still remember doing sets with him at the ice house yeah and this was way before he was hitting right he had a cut it's way before the movie with Tom Cruise this was way before that he did a movie with a Benicio del Toro yeah traffic traffic this is before traffic like I've known him you know you always saw him at auditions and he gave you love and shit yeah that's listen this is a weird fucking place so okay yesterday morning I have this thing I get to an airport and let's say my LA gate is gate 60 all right I'll go to gate 55 and play guess who's from LA all right I could be in any fucking town in this country name a fucking town and I could

sit there and pick the people that are gonna be on that plane now let me be honest with you guys I'm 50% wrong most of the time but the other 50% I'm flat on because the only people who fly in miniskirts with heels is people from LA the only people who the only women who would wear yoga pants with those high boots and their hair and women from LA the only guys who would wear shoes with no socks and you could see their feet a guy from LA the only people who would get on the plane and fucking wear shorts and flip flops are people from LA you know it's just a filthiness it's a dirty it's a different animal they're either they're either very uh it's a word that people call it they're very uh they expect everything they have an entitled they have an air of entitlement

I came home to Columbus or I came home to Baltimore I came home to Cincinnati but I'm a big shot in LA and now I'm a big shot here in my hometown but those towns don't give a fuck right like some of those towns you have the circle that you grew up with and your little friends at Starbucks but most of the people like I'm out here banging shoveling snow I don't give a fuck if you're a writer on a show or anything like that so I get to the airport I get out of the car I tip the driver I turn around I'm walking into the airport and I stop and I take two hits off the vapor and I really smoke the joint I drink a protein shake on the way to the airport and I hear the gates open up you know the doors like when you step in front of them

and I see this fucking dude walk with his little fucking faggy shoes on and his little shirt on a little tighter than usual I'm not saying he's gay he wasn't gay at all and he had two bags okay I just see him and I say to myself look at this fucking LA punk just in my head right so I walk in the airport boom I see Alaska Airlines I got upgraded the first class I go right the first class I'm the first one online now the other line the other line had like six people there that were waiting to get online all right I'm getting ready the guy turns around he leaves it's my turn to go up and all of a sudden this dude with the two bags walks in front of me willy and you're number one and you got number one right I mean it's just number one

no no I'm the guy checking in I'm checking into my flight right he walks right in front of me now I'm sitting there for fucking uh for 30 seconds going what the fuck just happened what the fuck just happened right and something inside of me I already had my license out and he was looking for his and as he was looking for his over here I stepped right here willy I put my elbow here and I gave the ticket to the guy and he goes what's going on I go I was next and the guy turns around he goes no you were behind me I go I was next dog don't even go there I was next all right but when I went in with my elbow he says I kind of hit him in the neck I didn't hit him in the fucking neck I just said you ain't getting in there he was over here like this looking over here

to his right hand side you know it's trick you know hold on one second we have you have time you have nothing better to do than stand there while I look for my fucking license which should be the fuck out already you know I'm saying you're flying right it should be out already so I cut right in front of him I go this is the guy goes you're after me I go not not right now dog I've been standing on that fucking line for the last two minutes you're not just gonna fucking walk here and the dude goes well I know some TSA was right there and the dude walks over he goes what happened and he goes this man and the guy I didn't assault him did I know like he tried to cut me off and I came in here I was the next one online and I go number one are you do you have a first

class ticket he goes no you see what I'm saying so he starts to make this big thing that harassment I didn't harass nobody yeah he was one of those fucking late dudes harassment and you know I should contact my turn contact your fucking attorney but I'm getting on the fucking plane bitch so I get on the fucking plane I don't see him I see Deon Cole I see Rob Schneider I'm talking to them they're all on the same flight I get on my fucking seat I sit down and he's like fucking three people to the end and I stick my foot out just in case he's gonna get stupid with me so I could kick him directly in the heel and push myself off of my right and throw him against the wall and he makes eye contact with me like you fuck type eye contact I look him straight in the face and

I go get to the dungeon bitch and he just turned pale and there we go Willie do you know how much abuse I take at airports I was telling Lee about three months ago I get on a fucking plane now I always get a certain seat I always get the same seat bro if I pay for a plane ticket yeah I get the same seat okay every time that's my seat I don't give a fuck so one day I go to this seat and this is dude again Johnny Hollywood talking to some fucking other guy about you know variety and all this shit right and I come over and I go that's my seat he goes no it's my seat and for a minute I go fuck maybe I made a mistake I got too high when I got this plane ticket and I don't have my glasses on I can't really see but I knew it was one I knew I wasn't one so I sat

down I'm sitting there and all of a sudden some lady comes up she's like you're in my seat and I go what and she goes you're in my seat I go hold on let me check one second well no you're right I am in your seat I go up to the guy I go hey man you're in my seat he goes go find another seat I go do me a favor though get the fuck up it was six in the morning I'm a no fucking move for this shit get the fuck up get the fuck up let's do this comes on what's going on this guy this is my seat and he tells me to go find another fucking seat he goes well no I meant to you to take my seat I don't want your fucking seat I pay for this seat I'm delayed come on let's go and the fucking guy next to him Johnny executive is like what's going on yeah bro I pay for this

seat I'm not gonna go sit in the fucking corner if I want to sit in the corner I would have got that fucking seat don't you think fuck you this happens to me bro constantly on fucking planes dog and they're all LA people that go somewhere and they feel more entitled to something when like they feel special like they're more special now that they went home and they got that vindication whatever the fuck happens bro this always happens to me always I had beef with Germans on the plane one time in New York the cops came I had another beef with a guy on the way to Columbus Ohio in front of me bro I always get into fucking beefs oh my god what yeah there's this Instagram account the lady who wants to follow me and I just want to check it it's called

passenger shaming I want to show you some of these pictures of what people do on planes yeah it's hysterical it's like it's it's it's a huge account and then it's just I can't imagine I'm I'm glad that you stood up to them because I think a lot of people no you can't do this shit not today not not a six man in the morning dog you're not gonna cut in front of me at six the fucking clock in the morning oh the feet up so yeah look at this garbage yeah they're filthy fucking people they got no class these are filthy fucking people you're gonna put your filthy fucking feet out on a plane like that I don't even take my shoes off I'm so fucking embarrassed I know my feet smell like shit look at this filthy fuck I would do something to that motherfucker

what is that the nails bring your nails oh no she's not getting on the fucking plane that creepy bitch that's the one who had the shirt off yeah bro no no no no put putting their jacket over your tv screen that would kill that would that's no they have to take it off i tell his daughter to take the jacket from them oh what the fuck is that dirty bandaid oh just everyone with feet how about this one I found this one yesterday you want to hit this bong Willy this will put you over the top. Yeah. Yeah, this is Betty Boop meets fucking Lawrence Taylor All right, you don't need to sing your life

No, I don't listen the first thing I do, you know what I got in my bag dog. What's that when I fly I Got extra strength my wife. I make my wife me and my wife take the fucking extra strength What's that shit dog? What's that I saw the heavy-duty one, right? Yeah, and I put it in a baggy And I have that wipes and I wipe everything down on a fucking plane. Do you understand me? Everything down Turn that way brother. I'm not gonna kill my fucking ears Yeah, I wipe everything fucking down dog. This is why this is why I don't the thing where I put My seat my head my head where I rest my head. That's the first thing I wipe. I don't want fucking crabs. What's that?

Someone's warming up their pizza with the overhead light Yeah, no, no, no, no, I don't need that You know this kid last week was saying he travels with earplugs Bro, you gotta that's the problem with people they get they don't fly a lot and they're not prepared If you're not prepared to fucking fly it's gonna be a long goddamn week, dog You gotta fucking be prepared to fly nowadays and I know a lot of people listen to me going joey You really bring handy wipes on the fucking plane. You bet your goddamn ass. I do You bet your fucking goddamn ass. I do. I don't know whose head was on that thing. They don't clean those planes

They don't do a fucking thing, bro They straighten out the magazines And they they go like this and the guy comes in with a little vacuum up and that's it. Everything else is not sanitized That's why they stopped giving pillows. Remember there was Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know man more pillows you got to be fucking crazy if you're gonna fly and you don't wipe shit down I know people listen like joey. You got to be fucking kidding me. I'm telling you dog I don't like my head resting on that stuff You know, it's just not good for you. It can't be good for you

20 heads. You don't know who's been on there. There's Be your host on there. That's definitely lights on there now. So From the time you shoot your special to how long is your special To be ready Uh, it should be ready in about a month. Okay, I think about a month and about the editors or you're editing on yourself Yeah, no, I got an editor. Look joey, man. I'm telling you, bro. I'm probably selling my car to uh, Getting the you know getting the whole funding done, man. Do you know what I mean? Really? Yeah, bro, because it's it's like Okay, originally it was an X amount of money, right? Right and then I went

Went in the red with the money that I had you know that little money saved up And then I just got a uh, the guy that's putting it all together He goes, hey, will he we're gonna go we got to go a little further And I was like, I got you bro. Don't worry about it. Just get it done. Oh, you need that. Let's do it And you want to get the jib it's gonna cost me this much. All right, okay, let's get the jib man Let's do it. I want I want it done right but you know what Joy, it's just I know that uh, I know it's gonna be good. I know the material

I know how it's been received around the clubs. You know, you know, I mean, you know when you you cry No, no, no, I'm not saying that I'm just saying that I just want you to have a plan And with all the streaming services now, you're not gonna have a plan selling at all. All right, right, you know I gotta tell you something The other night I was up late Saturday night, I couldn't sleep And I watched one of those showtime comedy specials Yeah, I do and I know you're gonna I gotta tell you something, bro. They're not for me. I don't ever want to go on showtime

Ever You could just tell they looked There's something I knew in the beginning. He even pulled me aside Over at your fucking thing and he's like, bro, why don't you go with us? I go, I don't want to show time All right, I don't need showtime in my life. That's garbage. I don't even care for showtime go. That's garbage. All right Showtime has always been garbage for the last 15 fucking years I put one thing on there and I was more embarrassed enough. That's it. It was time to move on

I was also on stars too. That does nothing for you either. All right. They asked me for one of the pitch stars I'm like not in a million fucking years. No, how many people have stars for Who's got stars? Four fucking people remember that kid used to do that show on stars With with they paid uh, he was jim kellum's client He got he did something. He's the one that got booed at somebody's Oh, I know it's The famous boo guy. What was his name?

Put that on lee of the guy. What the fuck was his name? He got booed at whose roast Somebody's roast or something like that. Yeah He was married to a boy. I haven't seen him in years He sold that show with Martin So Martin got 60 percent of the money for coming out and going like this Like what uh, what's his name used to do at the end of death jam? Yeah, just just wave. Yeah wave. Yeah, so I did his show Nobody has ever come up to me. It's that silent stars. Yeah, no not one fucking person

Like nobody's got stars. So that that's the other thing knowing where you want to take your special right knowing like I knew I didn't know I wanted to know no no no no Not even in the fucking close. So that was the thing. I'm lucky that You know, my agent talked to siso. I'm fucking lucky Netflix didn't want me and that was fine. I was just happy to put it out and I was happy that It all worked out, you know, you always get fucked with those things as long as you know that going in You know, you're always gonna get fucked in those things. All right, you know Nobody makes unless you're dain cook and they give you 500,000 dollars upfront

That's the only time you don't make money on these people unless and that's the people at home You know, I tell you these things so you know, you know, unless you're a big name, you're not making money on your fucking special Yeah, okay, they tell you some story you get a little money up front and they sing you some fucking song and you know what? You go to yourself I'm gonna do a good job and I'm gonna sell enough tickets and they'll make up the difference In five or six years, you know, that's how you have to go into a thing But I've spoken to 20 economists who are bitter about certain companies or whatever And when I went into it

I got I went with the attorney that they recommended and then my wife went to her attorney And it was two completely different fucking things. You could see the people that are in bed with people Let's go to the monster. You know, are you gonna be there? Yeah No, you don't want that guy as your attorney I don't want that guy as my attorney. I don't want the guy that has 20 comedians He has relationships. Yes, but he's also more Passive because he's got relationships with these people. I got a fucking real Jewish lady who was like, why Are they getting this mark that off and even the attorney that we paid said, oh, she's never they're never gonna okay

Watch my fucking heat, bitch. They okayed it, you know, and that's you have to just cover yourself more there You know for years, I never used an attorney I'll go to one and then when you get robbed you cry It's like every fucking week now I get hit The laugh factory those other thieves that are online We're gonna put your video up and give you 50% of the earnings You go to your videos got a million downloads and they haven't sent you a check in two fucking years Now when people hit me up and just tell them no and if I see this stuff and we're with the service now

That if you see me put up your shit, we fucking come and take the money now We copy right and we take the fucking money no more no So they had to tell somebody they hit me up. We have these videos in you. We like to put on our youtube channel Don't put them up because I'm gonna have my attorney contact your attorney and we're gonna take all the hundred percent So before that happens, don't even put it up You know people getting cute now, you know, I don't want Listen man for for When you start making money as a comic trust me, there's 10 years there where you just get fucking robbed

You were gonna check and you're looking and go god damn they used to rob me years ago You ever you ever get start getting with a nice agent or something even featuring you like wow I'll never forget frank kelly the guy who had sticky fingers Frank kelly got fired from john lovers. That was a solid That dude was solid when he was at sticky fingers. Yeah when I do I don't like montoya my my montoya got accused of sticky fingers Well, Frank kelly was a sticky finger dude Frank kelly gave you a taste of the action Right when he got to john lovers, he was stealing and when I found out he got caught

I was pissed off because when he was robbing at the improv he was giving us a piece of the I featured one weekend Everybody else paid me 500 a week to feature. He gave me 1500 I was like 15 fucking hundred But he robbed a thousand off the top. That was he figured out a way how to rob 2,500 Pay me 15 and he put a thousand in his body. He had them wired, bro He had the improv wired. He was Five steps above the improv They were seeing the minimum payment, bro. He even worked he worked out bro one time I brought

I did Irvine For like 70 percent of the door and I had rogan as the headline and I can't tell you the check They gave rogan and rogan didn't want he was giving to joey. I go. No. No taking for your kids You're gonna need this someday. I go well There's no money left for me. Jesus christ. He gave me a check. I paid everybody twice Because I felt so guilty how much I paid everybody double what I told him That's how much frank kelly stole but he stole and he chopped it up with you These other motherfuckers robbed you and they don't give you a taste of dick. He was thief with honor, man

Yeah, he was a thief when he went coming off john love its He robbed them blind and he didn't give me a taste of that. I had to wait for checks two weeks and they bounced and shit I'm happy willy that you're putting this together on your own this listen willy always remember In today's right now with what's going on This is the best time to do shit on your own I shot a special in vegas that was shit because I had shit people around me They were all shit. I believed them. They were all shit. They were all shit And I was cheap. I didn't hire a production manager

You know when I saw the special I knew I fucked up because I had a stain on my shirt You know what I'm saying I tried to be a Puerto Rican and I got what I got coming to me You follow me that's the problem with those things that I said, oh Fucking six thousand. I shoot it. What a waste It was like I just should have taken that six thousand living on fire. All right There was nothing I could do it that the sound was horrible The shirt was horrible. There's nothing you could do. You can't even sell that

Even when they come to you 10 years from now if I became a big like richard prime We're like we want everything we want joey's vault. They would say not that Send that back You know I'm saying like if if I had a vault of material and they would go what you know He's dead now sell it to us. Nobody would want that. He can't do nothing If you look at it, there's a big stain on my shirt And then the sound gay man and over, you know, that was it, you know the one that I have on netflix right now I um, I was half producer of that one like all that I own

You know, you know for I got an investor And everything that he put in like we went daughter for daughter But I'm the one that arranged the whole thing on that one like the cameras the sound the sound every I got everybody And this guy just came in because I needed some money with the You know putting it together and and so I learned from that one. Joe. He make a profit your partner Yeah, well a little bit, you know, you got his money back. Yeah. Yeah, and he made a little taste. Yeah Yeah, that was it. Yeah a little bit. Yeah But it's not like these deals that we hear man right now here. These guys getting these deals, bro 40 million 20 million

What the fuck man? It's uh, do you guys even get jealous or is that just such a high number that you don't even think it's like a I don't think about it. There's no reason to be jealous. I mean Listen man If somebody's willing to pay you I can't be fucking jealous If you got them to 40 fucking million dollars You know net netflix has how many million subscribers?

At 9 95 a month. What are you fucking kidding me? They got deep pockets So I can never be no, I don't listen man when somebody puts out a special I learned something in 2000 That to move forward you cannot have any jealousy man Or no bad feelings like for you to get ahead as a comic Or as whatever you want to call yourself an artist Once you start dwelling on other people and what they have and what they don't have Your shit goes down the tubes. Yeah, your shit goes down the tubes You can't compare your progress to anybody else's man. Once you start comparing your progress to anybody else's

Shit happens. You're doing comedy five years. You work hard every night. You're right well You're featuring at the improv and also there's a kid that never even emcee Never even emcee. He just jumped over emcee and he's featuring who's been he's been doing comedy two years You can't figure it out. He gets a tv show. There you are struggling 10 years in he's on drugs now He's all fucked up. You're still fighting for your life and now comes the 12 year mark You get the tonight show your career is rocking and rolling and this guy's in a fucking rehab because he moved too fucking fast I've seen people come to this town and you see the movement and you go They moved too fast, you know, kevin hart hit he had a tv show. It failed

It's not like he just kept going. Yeah, and i tv show failing made him gave him momentum Gave him strength. He called his agent. He goes. I want to go on the road every week For 1500 a week and I want you to give away every ticket in the house to people So that's exactly what the improv did and he went out there every weekend for two fucking years and he got 1500 to 1800 people to see him every fucking week He did it the old-fashioned way kevin hart deserves every dime. He makes I wish him nothing But he came back from how many people come back from the show failing not too many. No not too many You know bill burr was on a show early on with stars

And on an abc and the show caved He fucking picked his boots up went back to boston started from fucking scratching and went to new york Got on chappelle and bill burr is who he is because he didn't take off like that You know, yeah, you get little breaks along the way But those guys that come to hollywood and right away you see him at the improv and they got nine jews with them Everybody's got a suit. You know what i'm saying Then you see him at the county store Then they go to montreal and it's and then they have a three

Uh, a three picture deal with whatever, you know what bro? And also you're like, what ever happened to all that shit Yeah, what have happened to all those deals in all that tv show? I went through a thousand of those guys And I think for about two years. I was not jealous but I Not infactuated myself, but what's the word like I thought about it Well, it really got 50 000 I should be able to get 35 000 You know like I got I started comparing myself like that and then something happened one day. I said, you know what? I just got to be me

You just have to not worry about what people get When people get something you say god bless them and you move fucking forward That's all you could do bro. All right, and hopefully it'll spin around and That's one more number closer for you. All right. Do you know what i'm saying? Absolutely, bro. I Like I said, I My energy goes on me goes on my writing a lot of people I've had people that ask like well, you've been doing it so long and don't you get tired of it I said no because I'd love to sit down and create

You know my my uh my high From you know, obviously It's also tequila, but my other high is um I love like getting an idea Comes from nowhere and then just trying to create something out of nothing And when you do it you go on stage and you try it and it's kind of funny and And then you listen to the recording and you go, well, maybe I you know twist it this way and add this to it And then you know you molding it and you're sanding it, you know, you know, bro

And then you know and then when you got a polished, you know Uh a piece of wood and you you say man, I remember when this was just Bark, you know, no, it's in anyway. That's that's where I That's why uh, you've always been an artist in that sense. You've always been a wordsmith You always have the tape recorder with you. You always have the notebook with you I went to see your writing operation. You have the corner of Denny's That'll allow nobody passed the fucking ropes it's uh

It's really fucking interesting like I learned a lot that little process from you And I was struggling after the special I struggled for like two months on stage, man Why wouldn't you stuff? Yeah struggle big and now at least I got a little voice I got something coming from here a little something coming from here I got a little something working over here. So now I got to find the connection If I shoot another special won't be till next february. Maybe you know, I don't even need the aggravation That's good time for me. That's what you got. But you gotta you listen, bro You got something that a lot of people don't have

you know And I don't care they say, uh You know, everybody's the same you you work this way and everybody's the same And you just you have a uh, I don't know if you guys it's in dna, man It must have been your mom or your dad But somebody was a hell of a fucking storyteller, man, you know, and I don't I don't know if you know when you were a kid If it's you when your your mom was talking she would tell these stories and then you picked up on it But but you know, it's a gift that you have but with you is

It's it's already the cake's done It's just you know, okay. We're kind of frosting we're gonna use You know, you want you want strawberries on that? But but the hard part is the cake, man Because you know, sometimes I sit down when you just shooting the shit like when we before we started the show We're just shooting this shit. Now God damn this guy's fucking, you know, you just you just fucking smooth Man storyteller, bro. When people say that the other day it was the funniest thing My computer didn't work. I just fucking hotel sad. I had to restart it restart it restarted

And finally I restart this fucking thing mirrors was on the fence. Huh mirrors was on the fence Mirrors, I don't know what the fuck I have that that that computers in the fucking window. By the way, let me just say this Joey, you know, you've known me for one 20 years. Yeah, listen, I I don't know I don't pander I don't I'm not gonna kiss. Nobody's ass if anything, you know, I have a bad reputation for not getting along with people Right. No, no, no, so if I'm telling you man, no, I know you scared the shit I mean when you said that to me like you told me at the dinner one day you go You have that in your corner worked at angle

And that's why I didn't do the machine guns Style stuff I used to do Because I'm learning all this stuff like the the one That got me a couple weeks ago Well, I was telling you the story about facebook So I get on facebook on a saturday, which I never get on facebook on a saturday But a buddy of mine was gonna send me a link to some fucking thing he had So he kept calling me. Did you get the link? Did you get the link? I go bro, my computer's fucked up

You know, and I hit facebook when my facebook is so fucked up on my computer Then instead of getting my home page, I get the back page with all everybody's things And somebody had posted something. I don't even know what the fuck it was And they would post like this guy's a great storyteller This guy's a great storyteller. This guy's a great story. And there was a bunch of people and I don't even know what made me look at it I thought it was more of a high level type thing and all of a sudden on the bottom some guy wrote Fuck all you motherfuckers Mad flavor could fuck them all up something just crazy and they responded back like fuck you

This guy's way better like they would you know, they would change that. I didn't know what the fuck I'm uh, no, I'm learning about this shit now It's not like you strive would take a storytelling class 101. There's no storytelling class 101 I was just around a lot of characters growing up And when they told you a story, I remember them taking you there Like that's the most important thing that I would sit there and go wow and then go what the fuck just happened They're taking you there. They lullaby you You know, you have to know when to raise your voice went to lower went to speed it up

You know the same thing would stand up. Come here. We have tricks. Why everybody listen, man You know Everybody knows you're you're you're the best storyteller in town, man. Everybody Everybody knows that I feel glad but I think Ron White's better Fuck out of here. He fucked up. Yeah, I'm not saying I'm not a I'm not a fan. I don't like his material, bro But uh, but I just just feel that you're you know, listen, let's just uh, it is what it is. Thank you, brother I think you're a great writer. So that's why the special worked out. You know exactly where to put different things Bro, everybody picks up

You can't be good at everything and that's one thing that A lot of comedians they have ego that they won't accept help I love getting help in all areas when I get into something. I love getting help I love going to jiu-jitsu and some guys fucking me up In the middle of that he goes put your elbow here and oh wow Right, right, right. That won't let me fucking put my leg there. You know When I don't like comics who come up to like I don't take tags on comics and the word got out A long time ago. So comics really don't come up to me tags

Well, the word is out For people not to come up to you period, bro. Really? Yeah, because you're yeah, listen, man You're not an asshole, but you're one of those dudes where if you're not going to talk to me and say something The fuck away from me if somebody talks to you they got it They're coming up like hey, joy, you know, but they're not gonna You're not going there and and small talk about somebody's fucking Dan or or hey, my my fucking time Sometimes I'm high and I don't even know what to say the world Sometimes I have they don't understand that they're throwing me the fuck off, right?

When people say shit to me at airports and shit, they have no idea they're throwing me for a fucking loop This that I still think about I feel so guilty Like I fucking go home and think about it because they don't understand how Like about three months ago on my fucking our taco place And I you know when you leave here Lee Sometimes we leave here and we can eat our finger You know what I'm saying like you're looking at your finger on the drive home I get to the taco place. I order four fucking tacos

I sit down I'm not down two minutes. I put salsa on the taco and I look at it to go like this and I get Can we take a picture? I go fuck no Like I just told him fuck no, bro. I just sat the fuck down. Are you fucking retarded? Do you know how fucking hungry I am? Dog, I can't tell you how bad I feel today if you're listening to the podcast my apologies Another time I got super fucking And went to the park

And I was doing kettle bells. This had to be three years ago I'm at north hollywood park stoned to the gills Fuck no 90 degree weather Doing kettle bells with no shirt on fat as I am Getting sun on my titties. I believe if I went to the doctor and they gave me a blood test He goes bro your vitamin D levels are horrible. He goes, but don't feel bad 60% of californians test low for vitamin D because they don't go out in the sun. They think it's fucking like the devil

So I would go to uh Well, I was a fucking north hollywood park. I get stoned. I would that's when banana bread was around And I eat this banana bread that would fuck me up and I go in that park with a gal in the water And I would swing kettle bells and do squats and I would walk across With the things why I don't know I could have died of a fucking heart attack out there, but I go into a tree And one day these two dudes came up to me like hey, joey. What's happening? Brad music on

You know like when you have your earphones on you're deep in the song And these guys came up to me and I took my earphones off and I could feel the moisture and shit And I just looked at him with a look like They're like hey, man, how you doing? We train with whatever we just wanted to come over and say hello I didn't know what they were talking about willy Like I was that high into my shit that much that until they left like when I got in the car I said what happened 20 minutes ago? What the fuck what are you talking about? That shit keeps me up at night

that shit keeps me up at night because I think that right now they're going that dude was a douche bag because he did that but they don't understand that They caught me off guard like i'm fucking stoned. What are you talking about? You want to take a picture that that last friday in baltimore some guy came up to me and started asking me questions about 20 years ago Finally his girlfriend caught on like she's like dog What are you answering those type of questions? And I looked at him I go I just did two fucking hours You want to fucking play jeopardy get the fuck out of here. He just looked at me. Okay

Because like you can't be that stupid You can't be this fucking stupid. I do the podcast monday and wednesday Every week sometimes sunday. All right, you know how many times I get hit up on thursday for a shout out Like can I get a shout out on your next podcast? Let me tell you something I'm not doing a podcast on fucking monday. You know what's gonna happen to your stupid fucking name I'm gonna forget the fucking thing you want to shout out. You got to hit me out monday at a certain time You got to keep trying. That's the only way I'll fucking remember. I don't remember These people tell me at the shows. Give me a shot. Are you fucking crazy?

I forget when I go to the fucking thing. It's the saddest thing bro. We getting old I'm getting old. What the fuck you want in fact? Let me do some shout outs I know will he got a garland shit. We're over here talking shit. Really. I'm proud of you No, it takes balls to shoot your own fucking special in this town. Everybody wants to be on that everybody wants to be, you know Hank uber bobby freeman os warrior ollie boss who I haven't heard from if you're listening hit me up with an email jeremy cambell rory Ballantine malcolm riddle who came to the show his little partner caches morris up there

Slinging dick up in the great fucking state of canada And ricky malin sent a happy birthday to my man. Danny b. You know, I love you cocksucker So that's it you're shooting Saturday night at the ice house eight seven thirty and what time yeah, uh, it's eight and ten on saturday and eight and ten On friday, you know saturday's looking pretty good So man for all your people that uh, you know, they want to come down Please come on down if you're not doing nothing you're close to the ice house Go on down support the guy see what the looks if you never see this

A special get shot be a part of something support. You never know Maybe someday you might need the fucking uh some help yourself. Lee. What's going on with you? How you feeling buddy? I'm feeling good. I think I'm I think I might go down on saturday to support willy. You think you're gonna go down that good You're a good man. Thank you brother. Of course. You're gonna take the wife with you. Of course Get out of the house get some air Well, maybe once every six months a nice fucking cheeseburgers up there and uh, pasadena's got to be something good I know last time you ate in pasadena. It wasn't good Oh, yeah, those wings were terrible. Uh, I'll find something and you help. I'm sure

All right, willy always a pleasure man. Thank you. Have you on and Talk about different shit and not a special last time you wanted was because you were helping me Oh, this is helping each other. Thank fucking god. I gotta tell you brother You know, I've done four specials, you know, I was back in the day with jay. I was on on the tonight show a dozen times But to me, you know, uh, because in the comedy world, bro, you know, you're you're you're a guy that it's uh It's something that I it was an honor when you when you asked me It was it was bright Please so it's up there people go. So what what do you do, man? You know, I work with joey, man, so

You bad motherfucker you first off, how about a shout out to my main motherfuckers on it for all your health supplements your your weight supplements from alpha brain to shroom tech Have protein to new mood Go to honet.com. Look at the great selection of supplements. They got look at the steel Bats I can't get you this kind on weights and kettlebells, but on all supplements I'll get you 10% off go to honet.com right now press in church like a bad motherfucker and get 10% off delivered to your house

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CISO dot com promo code joey Thank you very much. We'll be back Wednesday motherfucking night ready to rock Hope you have a great day and a great week. Stay black. Don't forget My man willy bar senate friday and saturday ice house and don't forget tickets are going fast Next thursday march 30th to fucking april fools day. I'm at the levity live in nyak Don't fuck around. All right a bunch of people coming up there. Renee and car sion's lady j We got a bunch of undercover fucking agents and the week after that 420 levity live in oxnard One more time willy bar senate lee sciat and uncle joey. I love you cocksucker. Stay black. Have a great week

I'll see you motherfuckers on wednesday You see, I like this Oh You got your demons and you got desires, but I got a few of them One of these lost and lonely dreams We're gonna find one One that really screams I've been searching for the daughter of the devil himself. I've been searching for an angel in white

I've been waiting for a woman who's a little bold and I can feel it, but she's nowhere inside Oh Where I'm gonna find you Oh Oh Come on behind you One of these crazy crazy crazy Oh

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