Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #466 - Jim Florentine

Episode Date: March 23, 2017

jim Florentine, Comedian, actor and host of the "Comedy Metal Midgets" podcast and "Metal Midgets" on Siriuss XM Channel 38, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Zeel - Get the best massage of your life, in your home. Get $25 off of your first massage when you go to Zeel.com/church or use promo code church on the zeel app.    Legacybox.com - Get 40% off of your order at www.legacybpx.com/joey   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 03/22/2017.    

CBGB's With that fucking album when they first came out he was wow. I saw coke there. They'll let you in and then my third concert Vinnie Lynch Gave me a hit a fucking windowpane asset. We drove to Philadelphia to see Farina and the Stones. Oh And then I came back from basketball camp and I ended up going to Long Island to see fucking bad company On the Desolation Angels tour. Oh, man. No, no, no, we were blessed very fucking early But anyway, this podcast is brought to you by on it for all your supplements They got fucking tremendous steel bars and kettlebells and stuff

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Massages that come right to your house So whether your back hurts from running after the kids or your muscles are soft from working out Zeal will send someone right to your house to help you get started. I'll listen to get 25 hours off Their first massage by using promo code church at check out Oh Jesus fucking Christ Jesus Church of what's happened now met March 20 seconds second 2017

And My little brother Lisa at and mr. Jim quarantine motherfuckers She got this that sound good. Oh my god, I haven't heard that side in a long time That's another one. I download it and all the only say though came up You know what the say don't means it was always ships across the ocean you thought that's what the song was Sail away to Ozzy. No, it's Sharon Arden. It was that was her maiden name and Thelma Osborne because Ozzy was married to Thelma at the time as first wife So if they didn't need a title so Sharon Arden Thelma Osborne

Fucking brilliant. So What's in here talking about concerts in Jersey Jim's from Jersey. I'm from Jersey and We're talking about the first concert I went to see which was Ted Nugent Aerosmith Frank Marino mahogany rush Poco and it had to be the summer of 76 summer 76 I don't know what when it was but I know it was the metal ant. I mean a giant stadium just opening right and I walked out there We left the house late 10 in the morning I think the concert started at 12 because Ted Nugent got off maybe like at seven or eight

So it's Aerosmith headline that no it was Ted. So wouldn't he they wouldn't play to 11 or something Remember what had happened? I mean I was very shocked by how bad Aerosmith was that day Yeah, well, that's when they were fucked up on drugs They would just it was just a horror show like Poco Frank Marino ripped that fucking guitar apart I did not know who Frank Marino was like I went to this concert knowing Aerosmith and Ted Yeah, that's all I knew too. That's all I know. So wait. Did you say the concert started at noon? Well, this concert was a day concert. Okay, I remember it being I remember walking home and it was starting to turn First of all, just that you can walk home from giant stadium. It's all highways like, you know major turnpike route 3

You know route 17. I've never seen anyone walk. I've lived in jersey pretty much my whole life I've never seen anyone walking on the side of the road and you walked home Would you welcome an annual? How old are you? Twice, 13. One time I was 13 When I walked home from Ted and another time I went Me and a buddy my Mike runny went out there in a car and lost everything

We were up. We drank we ate the fucking clam chowder The cookies we were living like doctors and we bet it all on the trifecta and we lost every time We didn't have a quarter of a fucking call on the payphone. We started walking and we walked the two hours cars doing 90 passes On the fucking turnpike. I did that walk and I used to load trucks and sea caucus I would take the bus down to Kennedy Boulevard And walk all the way to fucking sea caucus and load trucks. This is when I was, you know, just 17 I loaded trucks too roadway roadway on the docks midnight to nine in the morning. Oh my god picking up fucking Volkswagen

Things and but it was like 16 an hour. Yeah, I know. I think it was like 14 bucks an hour 19 years old So we'd you know do two or three nights and then we get off work and just go right to the bar and drink So we could put ourselves to sleep So 9 30 in the morning we're at the bar drinking bud bud cans. What parts are open at 9 30 in the morning? All of them Yeah All of them absolutely when I quit high school when I quit high school My mom had a bar before I like on 29th and burglar line, but her drinking spot Was the last bar in new jersey and if you took the bus to the city

You have to go through union city and then it picks you up by the post office And it takes you right down into Lincoln tunnel you pass s gas station And you're right there the basketball ball of arty's we walk in boulevard east. Okay I need a job and I were I needed a job off the books. I was collecting unemployment From a fucker. Yeah, this is in on the 80s. This is what you did and in those days Like you could pick up a job off the books that paid you six seven hundred And collect four five hundred from unemployment and live like a fucking doctor So most people had the year scammed. I love how jim didn't even blink like I was laughing jim's like, yeah

So what what happened next? Absolutely. I know 10 guys that did that. This is the this is I know people that purposely got laid off Like they had a deal with the balls like just let me know pay me three bills a week on employment I'll make it happen. I got a better job. It's off the books. Everybody worked off the books Everybody collected a check it was fucking brilliant. So I went in there one day the guy's name was teddy martiniak Yeah, play for the chicago bulls. I fucking big time drunk if you look him up He recently died. I looked them up because I was in a column and apologize Because I destroyed his world for like six months. But the first thing he said to me goes I can hide

But there's one problem. I got one shift That is seven to three He goes, but let me explain some to you. You can't be late and I'm like Who the fuck drinks at seven? Like in my mind, who the fuck drinks at seven? So I would have monday nights from five to two or five to three and then

Wednesdays I'd have to go to union city and open the bar at seven stayed up till three The first day I was fucking late What do I give a fuck that he had you open the bar at seven seven in the morning when I got there There was 30 fucking people that really killed me Okay, I never saw that before yeah, I never saw that how late were you like 20 minutes 30 minutes I was maybe 15 minutes late. I had to set the alarms up Well, I went inside when I came out they were all at the bar looking at me like they were gonna kill me And they all would do two shots

A whiskey or scotch or something strong would it be a back? Or a water back or no ice These were real people. This was not Hi, happy valentine. No, no, no, no, no, no, no These are people that while they go to get the drink They don't want you looking at them because the hand would shake As they were going to get the drink And then they put down and you just give them another shot

And they put that down and they take a beer and fucking drink that and get on the bus to new york That's the way their life is Just to keep them saying this is just to get the party started to get them on that bus two shots at seven in the fucking morning I never saw that before in my life at 17. I was like, wow, I get it now. Yeah, and they were all great tippers So you made 50 bucks by 7 30 Couple scrags was walked in same thing whiskey on let me get to boom boom a beer out It was something that I had never seen before my mom drank

She had friends to drink but I didn't know who to fuck went into a bar at 7 a.m Just to get the day started and just that just that you're 17 years old and you're serving people in a bar This is crazy. Listen, and then you would add up the tabs for the night And what you had to do is put them in a regular envelope and put them in the top shelf in the refrigerator Okay So I went and bought the same envelopes And I would go in there at 4 o'clock in the morning Like I would go into the city and snorkeling my friend and go like a rock concert or something

On the way back I go take your time because I got to stop at the bar and make a quick withdrawal my atm machine I called it that was my first atm machine I would go over there in the middle of the night I rip open the envelope take 200 out put the rest in and put the date on it and he would Blame it on the girl before me only the girl that that before me I grew up with it So one day like a boyfriend came to me goes you got to stop robbing that place They're playing without my fucking girlfriend But yeah, I walked on from the Netherlands. I still remember arrow smith broke my heart

Like arrow smith broke my heart. Yeah, they were a mess at that time I mean they they broke up pretty close like 77 I think they were broken up because I saw him at 78 at the found casino And it was just tyler and There was like the Joe Perry was out of the band and I think maybe one other guy was out of the band at the time And they were a complete mess and then I saw him at the soap factory Did you know that I never went to the soap factory and it was sad. He got beat up steven tyler. There was no parry There was no whitmore or whatever he left and made and who just reunited right to brad wittford and

The derrick derrick's derrick st. Hope. Yeah, they were singing from him. They just reunited after fucking 30 years I went to see him at the soap factory, which is down the block from my favorite chinese restaurant in the world It's still that chance dragon and I'll be there next week eating I always make a stop in there when I go to the city And I went to see him there and they broke my heart. That was the end Like that I thought that they were done and then I caught Joe Perry with heart at radio city musical With raff merman singing

They put a band together. It was a joe perry. Yeah, joe perry property. They put it out. I'm out. That was godawful Let the let the music do the talking He put out two like was it too easy to first what let the music do the talking was way better than the second I checked out on I was like I wasn't I wasn't yeah, I was all stuff I got done with mirrors. That was godawful. Yeah, that was I saw him on mtv during the news thing They go, you know, I gotta believe it Harold smith is back. They're rehearsing in the boston high school gym or something We'll give you more details like a couple months later. I saw this out

Matt was from a brand new done with mirrors and they had let the music do the talking on there and something else It was godawful I thought they were done. Boy was I wrong. Oh, that's right. Cause they um, they took that let the title track They took let the music do the talking run done with mirrors. Yeah done with mirrors just to fill her in and I was like This is really fucking bad. I didn't like that But then jamie's got a gun whatever, you know, yeah when they hit the 80s and they started doing a little more commercial stuff They got their act together They got so, you know, that that concert at the metal ends was the first time I ever smoked pot was 12 years old

You know, because at concerts back then everyone would just pass a joint And you know, you pass it to whoever it was whoever was next to you just pass it along the line It just joins keep coming and I was so fucked up at 12 So I don't I barely remember that concert I remember when I got home my mom because my you know, my older brothers took me they were like four or five years older And when I got home, my eyes were all red. I didn't have any visine. I didn't think I was going to smoke I had no idea. So I didn't have the bonacca or the visine. I was always the shit to keep on Yeah, to get the red out of your eyes from the smoke and she was freaking out like what happened to you tube

Yeah, the little skinny tube. Yeah, I had that too. So, um, I just know there was a lot of smoke And there were you know, light and fireworks off and all the stuff. So that's why my eyes are red I was still fucked up. I was fucked up for like a day and a half after over that pot But that was the first time I smoked at 12 Now I'm a heavy metal fan, you know There's a lot of shit I like and a lot of shit. I think is crazy. So just none none Very innocently I will listen to your show

and the giggle and listen to Ozzy stories and And uh, listen to norton's, uh, you know, Ozzy's Boneyard and then I'm also a fan. I used to do a lot of gigs at night just to listen to Nikki six Yeah, I like Nikki at night. I like Nikki at night too. So And I don't like a lot, you know, even like eddy trunk eddy trunk looks like a musical nerd to me But I love him When he's talking, I can't take my ears off him. Like if I'm driving and he's on I love it

I listen to all that shit And I still geek out not as much as like I remember crying when I found that black Sabbath broke up Absolutely same one when I read that magazine. I fucking cried. Okay, like People have no idea like in my name, but they called me a spick. I didn't give a fuck Tell me black Sabbath sucks, bitch. I'm we're gonna fucking throw down him and see we had a problem growing up Until John Lennon got she was John Lennon got shot that saved guys like me and you because we lose every argument to the fucking Beatles People in those days would go Yeah, Sabbath is good

But wait till the Beatles get back together and you had no way to go with the day John Lennon got shot You're like, ah, they ain't getting back together. So Sabbath rules, bitch Yeah, no, it's true and I wasn't a Beatles fan. So, you know, still till this day You know, I'd like I'd like them, but I was I was more of a stone I took the stones over the Beatles but My brother whatever my brothers went to they got me into it Like I would be in the back of their duster They had a Plymouth duster and they fucking, you know

What a power amp or power booster and uh, I forget what the other thing was called cranking Judas Priest Ted Nugent acdc black Sabbath Even the first cars record the first Boston record. So that's what I grew up on. So they didn't play the Beatles They played the stones. I got the first two cars albums in here. I love them Fucking carton phenomenal phenomenal and the candy. Oh, I got it on the iPod and the first one I got on the iPod Great and the first Boston master piece master all my all that You know, I like I said, I used to steal albums. So I would just take an album just to listen to it, you know, from bluish to cold summon channel

I love all that shit One thing I never did see it was black and blue tour I didn't see that either. I didn't see that either There was a movie released. Yeah. Yeah, there was a movie. I saw Sabbath with Dio like the third show they ever did The third show they ever did together down in Miami at the Miami gardens Uh arena or something like that when I was living down in Florida When I was in high school I saw the third show and bill war was out of the band and you didn't know then there was no internet

So viny apasy was on drums. It was a third show. We had no idea bill just left the tour He only did a couple dates and and they come out. I'm like, where the fuck is bill? That's not bill ward. I had no idea until I found out like the next month when Circus magazine came out that bill ward quit I didn't even know bill ward quit. Yeah, he quit. Yeah, he played on the heaven and hell record But he only lasted a few dates He was so fucked up because he was the one who had a fire ozzy Him and ozzy grew up together. They were best friends and he they you know, geese are in Tony said look you go fire ozzy

He's a fuck up get him out of the band So bill had to do that and it built it did kill bill to do that That was a long fucking time ago It was all I remember that like I remember like it was yesterday The same with me and I was so pissed and they were starting to do bands and Ozzy was slinging mud at the Sabbath Sabbath was doing it back having a hell came out I didn't want to like that record me neither because I because I'm like fuck Ronnie James deal I don't give a shit. I don't want to like this but it was so good. It came out first

Before blizzard of oz. So I'm like, you know what? I can't I can't deny this. This is good And then blizzard of oz came out like six months later. I'm like, holy shit is this great I still remember getting the blizzard of oz ep Yeah, mr. Crowley You said it all was that one song suicide solution you said it all and there was something else on that Well, you said it all was didn't ever made the record They wrote that song basically like at the soundcheck now. What was on the ep then it was suicide solution It was it was crown mr. Crowley and you said it all were the three songs. That's it. Yeah, I still remember the cover

I went on uh, I talked to rudy about it and that night I went on a couple websites can't find it They would do ep's were popular then. Yeah, I have a copy of it missing persons had a ep couple bands were putting ep's out Love which were forcing four songs rat first down was an ep. Yeah at first down wasn't ep so You know when I first I went to that place in the village Me what happened was I was working at this joint and I went to mail letters And a box of letters fell down and one of them had checks on them for like 40 grand So I went to like my little gangster buddies and I said can you cast this check? They'll give us a couple days

They cast the checks So they came back and gave me 20 grand. My mom had just died I put it under my underwear sock and I would just have it in 20s And I would just pull 20s out at night to go out and snow coke or buy mescaline I would go to East Rouseberg state and I would have a connection out there that made acid every week These three little dirty kids just made every type of acid So that was my business in high school was that acid and that fueled my concerts. That was it

That was when we went to concerts we took 20 hits of mesc And we went into the fucking city and that was all over the shot. You can't In my world, I can't replace those memories now like it's just like I still remember going to see august 4th 1979 I went to see acdc. I would have opened up a Ted Nugent I was at that show at the Madison Square Garden I still remember being on the buses To mass it on the trains and people had ghetto blasters with a highway to hell on that fucking train

And you knew where you were going in those days Even if you didn't have tickets you went down there because you had nothing to lose You don't know what was gonna fucking happen the back door was gonna open up Somebody was gonna stub their way in Then he died on my birthday I was doing acid with my buddies running around the winter north bergen fucking sliding into home plate naked And then I got home and they said the singer the night February 19th. That's my birthday And then they came right back with fucking back and black and here I am at the palladium

august 1st 1980 and who opened up for them. That was death leopard now. That's now we're talking And I'm back in black. I'm back in black death leopard opened up for acdc at the palladium. Yeah, I was already there you go I was living down in florida at the time. So I I saw I don't know when I saw that tour But I didn't see that but I but I was at the acdc Ted Nugent bond scott brought angus through the crowd on his shoulders Angus played to sold the spotlight was on them. Well, like holy shit They were in the middle of the crowd going around and angus was just playing in bond I fucking knew just had weekend warriors at yeah weekend warriors and I went to see that My mom died and like I said, they turned me on to this fucking motorcycle shit

And I took it home the live album and I'm listening to it and when I heard fucking Victim of changes. Oh on leach and east my head almost blew up And then I love diamonds and rust as gay as it is As gay as the song is it's a cover. I love it And then fucking senator is brilliant on that album and I was like I'm going to see them and my mom died and I like I said, I want to know that by myself Maybe 10 days later. Look at the date Judas Priest, the Palladium had to be like november 28 december for a ride around

They even made a bootleg. I bought the bootleg years later at uh At the place in close to where you used to live in we hawk and on 48th street. They got a music store 70 what 79 They have a music store on 48th and bergen line avenue that sells imports and 40 it's been there for years the guy had a band called the bangs Oh, shit The uh the entire thing's on youtube Yeah, it probably is The entire show is on youtube. Um, yeah, I lived on 55th and bergen line for a little while

Oh, shit by the sandwich the cuban sandwich place. Yeah, I lived there and then I lived in We hawking you told me one I lived in we hawking right. Yeah on gregory ave Right above the Lincoln tunnel had a little apartment there and then I lived in the briar cliff in cliffside park Did you yeah, I lived there for about 10 years What year did you live in cliffside park? um me and norton originally moved there because we were down in like central jersey like olberg area north brunswick or new brunswick and um We moved up there 95

I just missed you guys like 95 to 2005. I was up 93. I was there Yeah, about 95. We moved up done. Um Riverview place in cliffside park. We lived its little shitty place $800 and it was three bedrooms. Well, it's two bedrooms and a big living room So me and my girlfriend and jim norton split $800 a month So we're paying like what 270 or something like that a month in rent and then it went up to 900 So you're paying 300 a piece now. What was it close to and this an avenue? What were you close to? Um court right off of gorge road

It was right by the briar cliff It was right where the park is. What's the park there right on um I'm trying to figure out gorge road right there Is it close to rudies like that clam bar there? That's why I always go on What bergen line turns into Gorge road does it go all the way down the edge water? Yes, it's close. Yeah, it's closed. Yes. I know it is. Yeah, it is now Yeah, I was running there in 93. I was just starting comedy

I was driving a limo. I was living in cliffside And I would shoot over at night and do stupid sets no clubs then maybe the comic strip Yeah, the comic strip was yeah, new york comedy club with michael patchetti. I would know him Yeah, patchetti. Yeah, but yeah, that's the only guy I knew that and stand up new york was there in danger fields I didn't do stand up with danger fields. I know I was only there for like nine months. I went back to boulder And just did comedy from there on to now. I went there in seattle L. I am here. I am um

Yeah, well, you know, I needed we needed to be closer to new york city Me and norton were like 45 50 minutes away. We're trying to crack the clubs So I had a girlfriend that lived in west new york. She went to memorial high school, which rudies arzo went to You believe that she's a she's a assistant vice principal there now And she she's a she graduated from there now. She's a assistant vice principal from that school A white girl. No, she's uh From um, I'm not costa rica. Um, nicaragua. Okay. Yeah, nicaragua. Yeah So I live with her up there. So we you know, she lived right there and I said hey, we want to get closer to the city. Let's move in and

Shit didn't work, you know But yeah memorial high school I talked to rudy about the rudy sarzo who went there too and when rudy told me that my head blew up It was unbelievable like it was fucking I almost died Because I figured listen when you're cuban you're either from miami or union city That's it in those days. It was either miami union city union city have been a haven for cubans Since the 50s since the early 50s That was the cubans went in there and they didn't nobody even talked to them. They had that little It just kept building it and then it went from

7th street to 48th was cuban when I was growing up. That's it Now it's everything else. Yeah, that whole strip was from 7th to 48th. That's all cuban And that I forget that old building that big building right in west new york Where all the all the sports stars used to live the galaxy the galaxy I was I was a maintenance man in the galaxy really because like all the yankees and yanks and Can griffin live there when I was there a lot of the guys did Yeah, I worked at the galaxy in 84. That's and it had rats in the walls then They had tons of complaints and then when I went back in 93. They built a movie theater there

Yeah, all those apartments had always been there when I was a kid the galaxy was I still remember when the galaxy went up When I was a kid one of the giants died on that road We were kids some giant flipped the truck a big time giant We have to search and look for the name on what road 76 river road Really on the river. Oh, wow this truck flipped or some shit. That's a really, you know at that park there Yeah, you know the hudson county. Yeah, you know that hudson county park is known for what martian's landing there Really like the listen dog If you look up where the most martian sightings are in the country

It's hudson county, new jersey where the most fucking All those things are seen did you know that no, I know I used to play softball in that park I don't remember there's an episode of the sopranos where he even tells me goes. Yeah. Why would I listen to you? Last week you said you saw satellites and hack and sack because people in northern, new jersey There's more martian activity in northern, new jersey. There isn't area 52 Did you know I could show it to you? I had no idea listen, bro Put on martian's land in hudson county park until this day

There's a bunch of diehard people there that saw the satellite land Two little guys come out and they dug up the softball field a little bit They put the dirt in the bag and they flew right away Oh Wait what park hudson county hudson county. There we go. Yeah hudson county park UFO sightings. There's that's the word There's more ufo sightings in northern, new jersey than anywhere else in the country You know when you think that it'd be in the middle of you know

Yeah, no a field and a farm because they come back and forth from new york city to jersey or something people those buildings Fucking this is the craziest Thing you've ever heard and somebody sent me the statistic one time hudson county see more marsh ufo's In hudson county or something anywhere else in the country So next time you think you're from the east coast and you're real cool Look want to see a ufo try north bergen the stone hedge those people who live in the stone hedge ufo is north bergen click that Yeah till this day

Never heard of this. Can you fucking things are easily explained? Yet when more than one person claims to see the same object at the same time from different vantage points The reports become harder to dismiss Hudson county, new jersey the town of north bergen a middle-class suburb across the world It's residents explain a lot joey That's island we realize look at that This is also a place where there have been persistent claims of alien and ufo sightings George obarsky owned a Manhattan liquor store and drove the same route back to his home in north bergen, new jersey every night for decades

At 3 a.m. On the morning of january 12th 1975 as he was driving through the local park his radio reception suddenly became distorted He related the subsequent events to ufo investigator bud hopkins Who recorded his story with a portable tape recorder? Well, I would say that that thing was Mm-hmm I would say maybe six feet high, you know, like take a panel Oh Run

And the king landed Right ahead of me. He described small figures who got out He said they look like kids of snowsuits. They were each one carrying a kind of a Squarish receptacle and a long spoon-like soldier They dug soil sample extremely quick. This is crazy and they have 48 people that seen the same fucking thing incredible in all the stoneheads Circle building the grinder they called the coke grinder because we grew up every bit so coconut building right all the fucking people signed After david's we looked out our window and they they were

With little suits and then they took off with the satellite Shit So when you have more time if you have you're at home and you have to look it up That's more landings and fucking north hot and that little lake they showed Yeah, go back to that lake that lake when I was a kid used to have an island in the middle So we'd wait till january The thing would freeze And we carry a keg across that fucking lake to the island we call the island of an saturday party

And we eat gorilla biscuits and smoke reefer and go and it'd be freezing I mean you could die we could have died in there. I know. Yeah, I used to jog around that. Yeah, I used to walk around there Yeah guys, this was on the history channel. This isn't like a random youtube video that some no no no I wouldn't blow smoke up nobody's this there's a thousand videos on there There's another one that they interview the people and the people are saying I was driving on river road and I And I saw the lights and then there's another one there that talks about progressively how They keep seeing them in that area. They land in nine one six rockland county Like they land in rockland county all the time they have like a national airport in the rockland county marshes

The fucking crazy shit That is that is not I never no no one's ever told me that that's weird. I was living up there Nobody ever be embarrassed who the fucks don't tell you I see in the ufo and jose you punch him in the mouth I was looking at the briar cleft right over. I could have seen it. I was on the 27th floor Like I know people who live in the grinder. I have a friend who lives in the The stone hedge and he still says he saw the 9-11. He goes. I was looking out my window talking to my mom And I saw the plane just I'm like that plane's flying fucking low and the the next thing you could see everything from there But he's in the direction

Towards new york city, which is fucking interesting. But yeah, this is the real deal Oh, I would tell everybody if I saw aliens like that's That's one of the weird ones But it happened it happened again Maybe three years later and that's the one that really fucked people up That's the one that people are like, wait a second something can't be right here because You know this happened three years early and we got the same type of reports and they landed at the edge of

Of the baseball field Like this is fucking crazy. I mean, listen, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I really don't give a fuck who shot kennedy, right? I don't give a fuck because it's got nothing to do with the bottom line I don't give a fuck. I got no time to break that stuff down. But this is real No, we grew up in a weird place. Jerry Rocha gave me a book A couple years ago that was going to bring for you tonight and I couldn't find it about Music in the 80s in our area their first eight from 80 to 85 You know, I was very fortunate just like you were to grow up in that area

You know, I saw I seen Pink Floyd the wall for $15 and 50 cents, bro Come to me to ask me to go to a concert and pay 300. I gotta look at you twice. Wait, did you ever see zeppelin? No I was waiting to see zeppelin They had just done nebworth Everybody in my neighborhood were waiting to see zeppelin. They were maybe two weeks away from doing one of those wplj things Where you sent the check or money order for four tickets and then you got raffled back the tickets That's all I was for. Yes. Yeah, that's how it was for a lot of concerts in those days I've explained that there was no ticket trying cock suckers

You had to write a letter and put a check in there like a money order And keep the receipt in case somebody stole your thing and you would so let's say Led Zeppelin was coming to town me Norton Florentine and lee were gonna go. Here's the deal we got we each gonna buy four tickets on our own If I get four tickets, I take my four three buddies if you get four, but guess what sometimes we get four different tickets on four different nights So you'd get to see a band four nights in a row because you went partners with three different people, right? So, okay, yeah, you know, we had that scam going so you're gonna mail it in right jimmy. I promise

All right, you know, what was the ticket then? $9 $6, you know, I went home maybe two years ago and this girl we went to a house and she was showing me all her stubs She goes, I still have my stubs. I don't know you fucking don't And she has to start all red stubs. I forget who she went to see but she went to see the gogos I went to see the gogos and uh flock of seagulls I wasn't professional if you're gonna be in in new york city in those days you were in I would see the who with uh With the clash I went to all that shit. Was I a big who fan? No

Was I a big clash fan? Not fucking really But for $15 at shea stadium. What else am I gonna do with my fucking time? I want to see pat betta. I want to see You know, if I james brown, I want to see you too at the palladium Did you ever go to wrestling at the garden? No, w-w-w My dad used to take me there. So I used to go to wrestling too. No shit. Yeah all the time. Yeah, definitely I had a wonderama Yeah, tell me Bob Callister Bob Callistan. He raffled off a bicycle on Apollo

Racer with the fucking sit you lose your mind every week you send it in you be right there frozen by the tv Yeah, when it wasn't you you throw the tv out the window. Fuck you. Bob McAllister I was really gonna show my bicycle to my buddies and shit It's it's you know, like people don't even believe these stories like growing up in New Jersey Like there's no way you could have done that stuff. It's like no when you when I hear a story you tell I'm like, no, he did that. No, I know guys that did that. It's great. You know, we talking about bonacca on saturdays, we would go to English town, New Jersey English town auction and but down the corner

There was a place that they had the bonacca factory. It was like two hours from now from there. Did you know that? No, we just go and jump in the dumpster and all the mistakes We would take those tubes to school on monday and someone for a quarter when we give a fuck People's eyes would be burning because they were all the ones that the chemicals were All right You know, I used to jump in the duratests Fucking dumpster and steal light bulbs and then we'd have light bulb fights I give you tell us out of the lesson ones all those things were great the way they broke

Oh my god, and you that powder on your shit Who are you gonna tell that to it would kill most kids today. Can you imagine like today? Oh my god You throw on my spears. Oh I Never threw it like a spear. Yeah, you just wing. Yeah, I would just hit people right in the back of the head and bleed They wouldn't hurt you that you wouldn't even feel it's like the thickest glass in the world But dust would come out of them like this white powder And you know it's like some kind of spastic or something. Oh, yeah, well, fuck today

They would if you if that powder hit a kid today that have him in the ambulance within three minutes I'm one of these one of these parents in this fucking name Did you guys ever have firecracker fights where you throw firecrackers at each other like hacks? Fuck yeah, you know what I mean like your friend wasn't looking at a bottle rocket Just shoot right at his head. Oh, you take the bottle rocket and break the stick and they call them nigga chases He lit them on fire. They call them nigga chases. They even shot at these people You go to she go to China town and they go break them half Make them nigga chases and you just look at these Chinese guys and say no, you didn't just fucking say that

No, you did it's amazing There's people who like made it out of jersey in the 70s and 80s and aren't and like are normal people like just like it's not like I didn't I don't think anyone listening Grew up like you guys grew like there's some people but like That's crazy. We used to buy these block buses. This was a quarter stick of dynamite. Oh, sure And and we just blow people's mailboxes like we just put them in a mailbox And you would just be a stick there and you couldn't even find the rest of the mailbox It would rock the whole neighborhood like my I remember my sister was babysitting like

Nine streets away and she heard she thought there was an earthquake. What movie was it where like they made new york Prison they made the new york city a prison someone had to come in and escape from new york escape from new york Yeah, you guys were living in escape from new york Like a like a sit like a prison You know how to go pitch this show I used to live in a rocket ship In 1984 I lived in a rocket ship in Hudson County. No in 88 street park Like the rocket ship where kids play. Yeah, I lived on the third floor as my little penthouse suite

And I'd stay at the bar till three doing blown when people wouldn't have a party They go, what do you want to drop you off and they go drop me off in the corner of the park I got a girlfriend. No, I had no girlfriend. I was just too embarrassed The town that I would walk up that rocket ship I'd finish off my coke I jerk off in the rocket ship and I'd fall asleep and little kids would wake me up the next morning. Mr. Mr You sleep it in the rocket ship. It's just uh When I first got out of here, I might put I was from New Jersey on a resume once And the fucking cast and director called me back and she goes, I think you should change it to new york

And I go, what are you talking about? I'm from Jersey. She goes, no, you should change it to new york because New Jersey is just a disgusting place. Nobody looks at it that way and I was like, fuck you And she changed it. I made a change of back. She put hell's kitchen I go, you're gonna fucking get me in a lot of trouble with my friends if they see that shit Yeah And all of a sudden the sopranos and shit now people love fucking new jersey No, it was like that. I remember getting me in northern trying to break in new york city Like we're known as new jersey comics. So we weren't funny. So like they would like especially at the comics revolution

Hold, you know, it was the booker there, you know, he was a good dude or whatever, you know, until I got in but He's like, oh, you're from new jersey. You can't be funny, you know, and then you go to another club Oh, these guys are from new jersey. So they got to be hacks They can't be funny because of you know, we didn't do monologue jokes like, you know David Letterman and wear a bad sports jacket and fucking sneakers and jeans You know, so it was always this stigma of new jersey or they're from new jersey. They can't be funny It for a long time. It's exactly until sopranos You got no respect whatsoever

It was it was just uh, I'll never forget that and I was like, why wouldn't I put that down? I am so proud Of everything I did growing up in jersey every fucking story I learned is what I apply in my life today What I learned on the streets in New Jersey Is how I run my life today. Yeah, and for some people it's an offer, but I learned this from older guys Like I would watch older guys How they would conduct themselves or if they had a business and I go, you know one day when I got a bit That's where I'm gonna do it like I have a new jersey mentality and I'm very fucking proud of it. I don't give two Frenchmen's fuck

You know sunday I went to the airport and I got there my flight was at eight. I was in Baltimore And I had this game I played at the airport pick the la fuck up Pick the la fuckhead, you know, right? You could always know somebody who's going home to la by the outfit They have on and how cool they are I'm standing and obviously I got an upgrade So I'm the first class I'm the first guy and I'm the only guy in line and then there's six people in the in the other section And this dude just walks up in front of me At the 10 seconds, I was like, you know what? I'm a human being who gives a thought

But the jersey side of me Said he ain't cutting in front of me and walk. This is the the black dude right here The the flight attendant dude that takes your license You know, he was mr. Hollywood So when the guy says your license registration, he didn't have it ready. Have your license fucking red not him Right, he's got to go in his bag and drop his pouch And I came in my license and I put my hand right over his fucking neck And he goes you're after me and I go. No, I'm not you're after me dog

And he was like that's like minor assault. I don't give a fuck. He was just a tough guy now And tsa came over and then the cop came over. I was fucking crazy for no reason Right just because and he wasn't even in first class He was just some la douchebag. Yeah, I wanted just but my new jersey side that morning said no, I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck if I'm gonna make the plane in three hours. Just my fucking jersey side is telling you You're not fucking doing this. I do want to make a bet. You're not gonna fucking do this I bet you you won't get on there before I know I will die fucking now And that's

You know, that's my new jersey. I love it. You know, I love all this craziness. I was raised around man It was insane. I mean, I got I got thrown out of school after sixth grade I was in a catholic school and that they came on they just bought these wrestling mats And you know, they made the announcement in the morning like we just got these wrestling mats We spent a lot of money on them. So please take care of them. So as soon as I heard that I'm like, well, I gotta destroy them So me and my friends that later that in that in that gym class We had like the last class of the day We found some razor blades in the in the auditorium. We cut them up. We slid all of all the wrestling mats up

And the next morning they found them and it was a big scandal in the school and they narrowed it down to our class And it was me and two other guys that they thought did it because we were at three dirt bags Sixth grade sixth grade Jesus So for the last two months I was in the principal's office Every day the principal would smack me in the face pull my hair go just admit it Admit it. I go, I didn't do it. You're gonna sit in here all day and just stare at the wall Okay, fine. So for two months, I just stared at the wall

They put me in the class for like an hour and she'd come in she pulled me out by my hair You're gonna admit it. I go I didn't do anything. Then they just threw me out. Where'd you go to high school at? I went Madison Central was in Old Bridge. Okay, I went there two years Then I moved to Florida for junior or senior year. So I lived down in Fort Lauderdale And then did you go to high school with Jim Marshall? What's that? Did you go to high school with Norton also? No, no, I didn't know nor until I started doing comedy Okay in the early 90s is when I met him. I started running an open mic. It was at a strip club

It was a rock club and a strip club called the playpen Artstock's playpen. So I was the dj to effort of strippers During the day and it was a strip club during the day and a rock club at night So I was the dj during the day and on Monday night say nothing So I started running an open mic and I'd have like one headliner come in and do like pay him like a hundred bucks Like a rich boss Or somebody like that or a bob leavey would come in and then so I started hosting every week and jim came down in a local comics. That's why I met jim

And then the strippers would stay for the show, which was fucking great Like one stripper I was on stage She was all drunk, you know, because they're drinking all day and then they stay for the show and the girl's like I want to suck your dick She's on I go, you want to suck my dick? She goes, I go. No, you don't she goes. No, I do. I'm like, no, you don't I go, let's go out in the park a lot right now. She goes right now I go, yeah I go someone here to take up the next five minutes until the headline it gets here

So I know somebody jumped on the stage. She blew me right in the park a lot I came back in with my arms up like fucking rocky the place went nuts You're a big short guy Growing up, you know, like asbury park. That's it. No seaside park. No A little seaside. Yeah, we'd go down there. No slide down the seaside at night that fucking the wet slide They had I almost killed myself on that We go down the seaside a little Would you go to see music down there? See I never

There was a place right by us called the birch hill Okay, it's a nightclub. I worked there as a dj to heavy metal dj and a lot of bands came through there So we'd always pretty much go there. We didn't have to go Too far we go down to seaside try to get laid, but we were all in the heavy metal. So we weren't getting laid You know what I mean? We all we were in judas pre-shirts and we're going to a dance club Like we had a shot And that's what you know, that's speaking of coke. That's I've never done coke in my life Never never. Oh, you were just a drinker. I was just a drinker because what we used to get we used to

Every friday and saturday night we get fucking a bunch of beer and just drink till about 11 o'clock to get buzzed to go to the club to try to pick up girls And you know, we didn't want to get to too early and shit or whatever So we get a nice bus we don't have to buy beers in there Which one guy would go in they would stamp your hand, which is the black stamp You know nothing else on it. So one guy would pay 10 bucks to get in I go, I forgot my I got to shut my lights off and I go back out and there'd be nine guys waiting I just rubbed a stamp on it. So nine guys would come in for free

So one guy would pay every time it was a piece of cake. Yeah to do that But at one point my friends started getting to the coke So on a friday night, we're hanging out drinking ready to go to the club now they're doing coke And now they just want to sit and fucking talk for three hours Well, I come on, you know, now they're all serious all of a sudden. So it's not they're not fun anymore I'm like, come on this pussy at the club. We're gonna try to get some even though we weren't And these guys like no, let's talk about the american indians. We stole the land. This is bullshit I'm like, so I never wanted to do that. And I was only I was cutting lawns

Landscape and a shit like that. I was making like, you know, 200 bucks a week. I wasn't gonna blow it on coke Smart choice. So I never did I was around strippers were like, you better do coke or I'm not gonna fuck and I'm like, I'm not doing it I don't need to do it. So You know, I've been on a million parties where strippers are doing it and I had strippers doing coke off my deck. I'm like, I'm not gonna do it, but you can do it off my deck. No problem absolutely I was a short guy like From maybe the eighth grade to the seaside

You graduate you go to seaside you go first you go to the first one And then you go to seaside The one close to ashbury park There's one that's close. Sandy Hook lavalette. No, lavalette. Yeah, it was lavalette Bradley beach Bradley beach, right where you go to seaside then you go to like lbi long beach island Unless you get older you go to madisquan You're still getting proof and then you would go to bellmark where montego bay was and I would go down there I really wasn't a guido or none of that shit. I I like to show the first couple weeks

I like the water. I like I'm like a house for a week, but I couldn't do that By the time my friends started getting house for the summers. I was gone already. I left in 84. I was gone right I was done Yeah, and we didn't really do too much of that You know, we'd start kind of stay local and go to the local dance clubs or whatever Yeah, we got a hole in the wall the rock club No, that was up in more jersey. All right. Yeah, that was gone by the time now We did like birch hill fountain casino emitson was another one

And then we go to lemours and brooklyn for heavy metal show that went there. I don't know what who the fuck I think I walked in and walked out of twisted sister Why saw twisted sister so many times I saw I went to see him one time I saw the makeup he came out he goes welcome to twisted fucking system, man Yeah, I went in there with this kid. We looked at each other. We're like the same for us and we walked out I just watched that documentary. It's great. Me and dean came on here and bullshitted about it And there was a fucking tremendous, but all those names I you know, like I remember the moors. I don't remember the birch one none of that stuff. I remember hole in the wall

The soap factory I went to see like I said ever smith there Yeah Sticky fingers. Yeah, that was the stones tribute. The stones tribute band crystal ship was crystal ship was the doors Correct. I went to see them. I didn't like none of that shit. Like I would just leave. I can't have people singing covers Flipping their hair and girls are going crazy. I couldn't do it. So I didn't really get into that. I liked Going into the city like I like going to see Bands in the city Yeah, we were a little further out we our parents like I went to the plating to see acdc and death leper with bond scott

That was when hyward hell must have just came out before they did it with newton I remember and me and my buddies bought like, you know A t-shirts acdc and death leopard shirts because you know, we'd save up for the shirts But you saw a bond. Yeah, yeah, we're bond. No, I saw bond with 10 newtons Yeah, I saw so I saw a bond twice But I think it was a death leopard might open it was not maybe on through the night and And hyward hell was just coming out or something

But I saw but I remember afterwards we got jumped We're walking back to the train station from the palladium back to the Penn station And we got jumped by three Puerto Ricans and they stole all our acdc shirts like we were just talking Can you believe they were fucking they played this? Yeah, and all of a sudden this guy comes up and punch two guys punch us in the head Well, like what we're 14 years old and they just took all our shirts and we're like, where the fuck you gonna wear them? Back in the fucking hood. We're yelling at them as they were running away. We probably already got stabbed There was a bar right across from uh, either the garden or palladium where they would let us drink at like 12 years old

The palladium the palladium we were like 12 years old We'd sit at a table and they would just let us have beers like pictures of beer Like we can go to the bar because that was too risky And the waiters come over yeah, and then sometimes we go to that place. Um, fuck there was a place Charlie beast beef steak charlie beef steak charlie right by the garden by the garden Absolutely, so we go drink before the concert and some of us go eat then shit blood for three days Yeah, well, we'd fucking eat and then we'd puke back into the fucking into the uh Into the pictures of beer and toasty we bought him more pictures now. I still remember one fucking summer night

I went to see ac dc with death leopard at the palladium It was hot. I worked in a lumber yard. I got paid I had to take a bus To we hawk and to get coke so you were at the same show then yeah and I was uh The guy's name I would buy coke from those names. His name was jack fit And he hung out in the barn we hawk and that was the first person that was freak out So you do on coke at about 14 12 I started when I was 15 a month before my mother died

I did my first bump But I got like I got mixed in like uh, I was still an acid guy I was still on a coke took a little while to really you know, so when did you take acid the first time? Oh, eighth grade Fuck yeah, eighth grade eighth grade. Holy shit eighth grade. I like my mom always smoked So it was around the house, but I didn't want to smoke. I was an athlete She smoked pot. Yeah, she's okay, but there was this dude lefty cortina a couple years older than me Real cool dude. His dad was a doctor

So he told me come on. Let's go into the stadium buy weed and he took me I was really Catholic And he took me to the village to a church We parked in front of the church number one. We don't find because we buy weed downstairs I was like, no, you don't you don't buy fucking weed in the church. We went downstairs Sure enough in the bingo. Oh, they had three dudes on there selling weed The priest took 10% from the action like whatever they sold. I was like, I'm never going to church again. This is disgusting I saw I started smoking a little weed Then it was micro that acid that was popular blot of acid

So I started doing that and I was you know, I like that and then when I started snorting thc crystal There was a bar in union city that sold 10 dollars, which is basically gorilla glue It's fucking animal tranquilizer. They just mix it with a white powder and you'll fucking see the devil And then I uh did blow my mom died. I still did acid for a while My mom died and what saved me was that like two weeks after she died Maybe three weeks after she died pink floyd the wall tickets were on sale So that kept me alive for a couple fucking weeks, you know, I'm telling them right see pink floyd February 19th at the fucking Nassau Coliseum opening night the whole fucking deal

Then I found that sad bit and uh, like I said, I still remember getting that money from the The little mafia dudes and going into what was the Album store in the village in those days that everybody went to I don't remember. There was something that bleak of bobs. Bleak of bob. Yeah And I was just looking through a bin and I saw that ep and my fucking heart stopped I bought that ep and I ran home. Ozzy Osbourne. I already Ozzy listened to it over and over And I don't know when that album came out, but I did have We went to see him at the palladium

That those april dates with randy road. Yeah, I went I think I went to the early show like Norton reminded me there was two shows. I think I went to the early show And then I went to see Ozzy again and didi cantero friend of mine. That's now in the hospital They're trying to kill himself. He ate 50 volumes cut his wrist Woke up the next one and didn't die because the volume slowed down his heart So he filled up the tub with water and he jumped in he went to throw a toaster in it, but the fucking light wits This could only happen to somebody from jersey I had another not he wasn't a friend of mine. In fact timmy hollow way

He was the dear friend of mine is one of your biggest fans. He took his son to see it And we grew up with a guy read bobby read something read And this guy jumped off a building in new new jersey, but he landed in the construction dumpster You know how much abuse that guy took He landed a construction dumper, but he was never the same He was never the same again He would throw punches in the air And he would get a check at the beginning of the month from the government for being like a tart

He would just give it to the bartender and the bartender would tell him when it was done Only in jersey again only in fucking new jersey Can you give a bartender your social security check and you have a momo check and he'll tell you what it's done So after like the 23rd, you'd see him lurking like come on man. Might me a drink Like he was just like fucking nutcase. I remember being in the city buying coke Like from the bar and see him in Harlem throwing punches Breed, what are you doing over here? Give me a ride. Fuck you. We'd shoot over and leave him there And you have to walk back across the bridge and the next day we'd see if he wouldn't know right. Oh, shit

You know how the bars in jersey lock from the outside? I don't remember that but okay if you go to those old time of bars at night They got windows in there. So what bar owners do is they lock the bathroom door And they put a bolt outside They also have a bolt inside so if you're in there, I can't come in but they have a bolt outside One time you went into the bathroom like a two in the afternoons. We're watching all my shows not a bar We locked them in there. We left them in there till my eight o'clock at night We just opened the ball and waited about

10 minutes later Johnny Reed walks out like nothing happened And I put my dick on the on the chair. There was a chair Right, I don't forget this. I was a young kid. I put my dick on the chair and I go Johnny Reed look at the chair and he goes wow, and he just I don't know why I told you that they're fucking crazy jersey is a fucking I remember being 14 years old. There was a bar. It was a strip club. We walked to from our house It was like two miles away. We heard it was like crazy there. We're 14. We walk in it's all nude And we sat at a table because you don't want to sit next to the bar

You know because then they were like hey get out of here you guys are kids So we just sat at a table and this girl was putting the heineken bottle up her snatch Oh, please At 14 years old we're like, holy shit Because we didn't you know my dad had playboy. So once in a while you'd sneak in and what but other than that We had nothing to even go by you might see a tit in the movie at that age Just you know So we were in a bar and this girl's sticking a fucking heineken bottle up her snatch

See I was big in the early 80s in jersey like that shit because there was a bar by my house And I've told this story a thousand times the metal lands in Her brother is still on facebook Like the girl that was famous down there like we were growing up together. We met that's on um tunnely, right? The metal lands in was owned by cops And if you went to 42nd street in those days, which was the haven of sex They'd have a map how to get to the metal lands in Because tina portrayal was known for peeling bananas and putting them in a pussy like that on wednesday night was erotic banana night

Except for two bucks. You got two frozen bananas So when you got in there you ordered a drink They gave you a drink and then you peeled the banana and she would come over putting her pussy and you had to eat it If you ate the banana you got a free drink Not a bad fucking deal. No, not at all. How crazy is and herpes? But here's the beauty of it. Oh my god I was 15 the first time I went in there I was in there to christmas like I would I was living with a family But who wants to go home after your mom's been in the hole for a month and a half and yeah

Sit with these people and make them uncomfortable So I went to the metal ends and on christmas eve on the walk home And I'll never forget there was an old guy at the bar just another place is packed christmas eve was packed This was a filthy fucking strip club when he's sitting at the bar And the stage was in the middle, but they could reach with their foot And actually climb over and they would just squat and you could eat their pussy at the fucking bar And I never forget that she came over. He's eating her pussy. She stops him. She goes in his mouth tastes his false teeth out

Sticks them in her snatch and then puts them back on his mouth. I was 15 years old guys yet Who the fuck do you say that most 15 year olds today would just faint right there If they saw an old guy's fucking she would take the heineken bottles But her big trick was a galliano bottle. Do you remember galliano? Yeah, yeah, there were three feet fucking tall He would sit on the fucking thing and do squats This place is crazy. They finally closed it. It was owned by cops in north bergen You can't you know people don't understand this that was speaking of eating the pussy at the bar and do as a strip club in newark Called snappers on there forget and it was like on one part

It was a regular strip club. The other one was or anything goes but you had to pay like 20 bucks to get in And you have to sign in like you're gonna put your real name So my buddy behind me I write steve moan because he's behind me He's like you motherfucker and he has to sign and he's like you fucking use my name and it's fucking shady but so anyway, we go in there And it's the same thing like the girls are all naked guys getting jerked off in the corner She's blowing a guy over there And my other buddy that was there this girl comes over and she comes to the bar and she she puts her legs behind

Her bed and he just starts eating a pussy right at the bar and there's two old men on both sides just fucking sitting there Drinking their beer like one guy one guy got a hamburger and not even batten an eye And he's just down there just eating a pussy and he's like, yeah, can I get another beer? Can I get some ketchup over here? Not even batten a fucking eye. Here's my it was the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life So you paid 20 bucks to get in does that cover everything or is there other charges? Or is it like open bar once you get in there? No, it was 20 to get in and then no then you had to pay for beers or whatever and you could pay tip the dancers, but

You know, I don't know. He probably gave it like 20 bucks. He ate a pussy for like five minutes Jesus Just sitting at the sitting in his chair like nothing As two old men were sitting on both sides and didn't even didn't even look over didn't say can you do that somewhere else? There was a bar called the Cove on 69th street between kennedy boulevard and bergenlein avenue when I was growing up And this was like your last resort for women Like right it was like yeah, like you did sometimes it was called the Cove like you're stranded on an island It was probably

Another room like this and the owner had a wig and he was tall and skinny But the place was small So you know he'd be bending over and you had to go talk to him if you wanted to fuck one of the chicks or eat one of the chicks pussies and shit And they had women in there that you would never it's like andrew's joke. Nobody ever thought of fucking that woman They had six of them in there One worse than the other one missing an arm There was a black one that my friend ate and he couldn't take the stink of a pussy off his face

And I wish I was trying to be funny. I wish I was trying to be funny when they went on one night He came back. I just ate a pussy. We were like, what is that fucking smell? And it was out of space all over him like 20 guys had eaten a pussy. What are you talking about? Oh, the hookers like laughing you when they said let me I wouldn't eat that pussy, but in those days in 82 It was pre-rock cuts and people were free. You'd lick somebody's snatch if they walked up. Not a hookers Well, you didn't know she was a hooker. She's a stripper big fucking death. No, no, there's not. Yes, there is Oh my god

They would let you eat that pussy if like three dollars. Yeah, that's a hooker. No, that's like What do you call that? No disrespect to hookers. They're great, but That's a hooker. Then there was another one on kennedy boulevard Once the metal ends in shut in they tried to do it But they were too out in the open. You can't do that shit too out in the open You have to do that on tundly avenue In those hidden neighborhoods, you can't put that on kennedy boulevard because kids were leaving there I got my dick fucked or they closed it in three fucking months. Yeah

Lincoln tunnel motel wait, they would not take girls there all the time 25 bucks for three hours Oh my god, Lincoln tunnel motel was right like on tonally almost There's liberty is the higher one That you know, I went to school at that school Right across from the York hotel. That was my grandma's school dog McKinley. Yeah McKinley That's where the ice man killed the body and put him under the fucking bed there right there right there So it was the york and the liberty was under me And I just heard somebody saw somebody creepy a friend of mine living at the liberty hotel

When you live at the liberty hotel things ain't getting good any better for you. I never took a woman to one of those hotels All right, I was living my parents at the time So you had a girl up there so you had to she was living with her parents So we just 25 bucks for three hours. I used to take a girl to the one on tonally avenue by 88 street out there I had a little girlfriend. We really had no where to fuck And we would go there. What is that? Would they uh the red bull can would they even clean the room if you rented it for three hours? Oh

You know, you just yeah, it's like when you went to a pee booth. You just don't look down You know what I mean because how many peeps? I was in a pee booth so much at one point the girl I pulled my pants on the girls I know those balls That you know what I mean like she because I was in there so much now which peep now I used to go There was a couple 146 one of the names of peep booths I like all the names are like the hooker places have all right There was one right on 42nd street when I was growing up next to the movie theaters

Right in that same street whatever street that is there was one right across from the port authority, right? That was where the live factory. Yeah. Yeah, that was been there since time immemorial. Yeah, but in the middle There were the ones where you went and people would have live sex In front. Yeah, like a fat chick and some Some dude who had AIDS before AIDS was invented and then there was one place where we went in the eighth grade And he's a cop now in San Diego The window opened up. Yeah. Yeah, and you gave her dollars at two dollars and you could suck a tits a finger them And a pussy smelled like cigarettes. I'll never forget. I fingered one of them. She was a black chick

My fingers smell so bad on the way home. Like I was like 12 or 11 or 13 Not that it matters, but for the ones in new yorks, was that legal or they just do whatever they wanted It was 1978. You did what you wanted. That's an answer It was even the even uh show world is the one show world. Yes And no, I remember me and jim norton being in there and the window opened and there was a girl there And it was weird because you can look I was in one booth. He was in the next one And you could see each other you could see that there was a mirror the mirror Yeah, there was a mirror so I could see jim's little head there and I remember the girl backed up

He gave her some money and jim ate her ass She pulled it back and she goes, whoa, whoa, you're a little frisky Yeah, no one did that back then you just saw i just saw jim's tongue Outside that little box and he goes, whoa, she just jumped So this but we used to go into p-boots all the time. You had the live girls or whatever you or you get on the phone with them You give them five bucks or ten bucks. You had a masturbation. No, I didn't get on the fucking phone with him I the window opened and I would stick my disgusting head in there and look at them Fuck and after a while like I was too embarrassed to jerk off in there

Like in those days you the door opened the guy walked out a guy went in there with a mom I want them up. Absolutely. The mop cleaned up the jizz And then you walked in there afterward But they were a lot of time a lot of times they're what they didn't even clean it up like they'd the mop guy And your feet would get stuck in their leaves to hold sperm like candle wax Oh, yeah, I mean you sometimes you would step on sperm Yeah, if you weren't there too long as much you might as well just untie your sneakers and just leave them I remember going in there early in the morning. I used to sell cars on 12th avenue 57th street

And everybody in the morning God for the internet now. Jesus Christ. Everybody in the morning was a Hasidic Jew The Hasidic Jews love yeah, they're perverts. Yeah, if there's 12 boxes in a room There's six Hasid's And different things and their eyeballs are huge and you can see them like fucking jerking off under the menorah Whatever that cape they wear is No, no, the whatever the cape they were like a little jute cape like a superhero And they jerk off under the cape. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. Oh my god They and they storm out of there with their jackets

Like they fucking you see if they take that corner and nobody sees them they head right to that diving district They do I ain't what the fuck they're gonna go But you always had a prepper like we'd always go in with like a little trial-sized thing a hand cream No, you did some napkins Yeah, and some napkins too. I never wanted to pay because I never knew when I was going there No, we knew we were making a trip like we're going into the city going to a ranger game or going to a concert We'd always hit show world first So you bring a little trial-sized thing a hand cream and some napkins

So because when you're done, there's no place to wipe or any of that stuff You don't even want to touch a door when I was 16 and go into like sell the games There's a store called condom world and that's where we went to be like whoo-hoo. There's a con like there's condoms We're being we're being weird like We're like no, we didn't go to like peep shows. Did you guys ever go and like in a taxi or taxi driver? Like the peep shows like the movies where you let people would just sit in the movie theaters and watch porn together I did that once and it was weird because there was a gay guy next to me There's only like five people in the theater

And this guy just kept looking over him. I'm looking I was young so I'm like Why does he keep looking over and then all of a sudden that one point you are just like I'm like this is weird And then all of a sudden I look over and he's he's holding a hundred dollar bill out Like this like to give it to me like hey, I'm gonna jerk you know jerk me off or let me jerk you off I don't know what was going on. Like this is fucking bullshit. I just got up and I left I got my car. I was freaked out. We all went to the same places. I went there was a big sunday night Porn old thing and my buddies won sunday night. We got to go down there. It's fucking great I'd never gone to I never know what I'm talking about

Somewhere in jersey 30 minutes from north bergen. We drove We walked in there and I'm like, why am I here? And every time I went to the bathroom. This is the first time I learned of that behavior I saw once in san francisco when I got stuck there In 85 every time I go to the bathroom would be the same guy in the fucking bathroom You know, this ain't right and then I went and sat down and I saw what he was doing He would stand by the edge of the bathroom every time a guy would come in he'd go in there And pee next to him and then look at your dick

Jerk off and go back in the corner jerk off like a vampire and then he did this for hours And then one time I was stuck in san francisco And I saw a guy doing that too and he came up to me and I finally go mother fuck i'm on to you You can't keep walking in here looking at people's dick and went to a different terminal Who the fuck knows what happened? No, a lot of gay guys who cruise those pee boots because they figured like You know straight guys were wounded. They're really horny and they might just you know jerk them off or suck their dick in a boot So they would I always tell my friends they go don't give anyone eye contact where you're going there

It's all business Just look down just you know because you smile at a guy he's going to think you know You know, they would just cruise there I remember one time me and bob leavey did a gig and he didn't want to go in like I'm going to go jerk off You know, they got live girls and they goes I'm just going to wait in the car And we did a gig like right across the street or rock club So I left him in the car in the park a lot and I was in there Doing my thing and some gay guy was like cruising the park a lot and leavey

Had no idea so the guy pulls up next to leavey and he's waving at him leavey thought he was at the show across the street He's like hey, how are you? Oh, you like the show good like he's smiling the guy smiling back. He's like oh, that's a fan That's cool. He's you know hanging out here too and then the guy rolled down the window and he's like oh Hey, man, nice to meet you leavey's talking to the guy and he's like hey, you want to come in the in the truck He's like no, why? He goes what do you mean? You don't want to come into he's like no and then leavey realized and when I came out It was like he saw he saw a ghost he goes you mother fucker. Just pull away pull away now He had no idea what was going on. I'm like, yeah, that's gonna happen. Oh my god. Yeah, those you got to be careful

I went to all as a kid that we would do t.a.c. crystal Go to the city on a saturday. We played three card monty And then we'd walk up all those streets on Broadway and we'd let people either send to their bars We were kids and we let they you want to see naked women and we go in there. Yeah And we'd sit down and they come over and sit on your lap Buy me a bottle of champagne and the bill would come $15. We ain't got $15 Why the fuck are you in here? What the fuck did you let us in here? And we would do that 10 different places in the row

All of them. Did you ever get to go to the 1040 club? No, I went to the 1040 club biggest mistake of my life. I got in the car 40 club 1040 club was a hooker house in the city 999 plus tax 1040 You know who talks about it somebody called me when somebody emailed me and said your buddy talks about it there He's been to it. He was and it still exists in new york They still have a 1040 club. It's not $10 and 40 Who did the special on hbo the white dude that fucking Seinfeld directed two three years ago papa No

Tough crowd Collin quinn collin quinn Collin quinn all we used to go down. Yeah, he talks about the 1040 club. I went one time That was new york's disgust and at that time they had him all over new york When I was in the seventh grade I went to school with the ollie brothers two cuban guys one was retarded and the other one was really sharp. You couldn't believe it One guy was like the guy that says yeah boss Like that right but the older brother would say yeah boss to the younger brother

He was fucking and they would come into school every monday With stories that 60 of us would gather around them They would go into the Bronx on saturdays. They were 12 And they would go to a place you paid 15 bucks. They took in the back They wash your dick with bucket juice from under the bed like rocky spit water No condom you fucked them doggy style. They sucked your dick You could do it around the world for an extra five dollars. That's where they lick your asshole and all that shit All right, and they'd come home like too. So that's what they did

You know how you and I would go buy albums on saturday? Yeah They would go get their dicks sucked on saturday when they were 12 and they were doing it for years all over the city Like that was their thing on saturdays. They both worked for their father But one saturday came they took their little 10 15 bucks four dollars for cab Or whatever it was for the bus and they would just make journeys to brooklyn in the Bronx And they would tell me about these places and I would sit there like these guys are bullshit And one night I went out with my buddies and their birthing and they went we went to the 10 40 club The one guy was a bass

Obergon Pablo Pedro Obergon it was his birthday and his father had a candy company in the Bronx So they had those big white trucks So this motherfucker would steal it every night and go out like let's go to let's go see Sabbath Right. All right. Who's driving? I am and all of a sudden you walk on there's a fucking candy truck filled with candy So you would sit on the floor of a fucking candy truck This is real. He'd take us into the city and he took me to the 10 40 one time the most disgusting thing I ever saw You open up the room where you smell his men's cologne

You pay 10 40 they give you like a ticket and like a fucking waistband like a little thing around your thing You walk in there's a bar You could fucking drink and every like 30 minutes they would open up the doors A light would go off and they would push like 40 women out there And you know like tackle them and then bring them over and give them the ticket But guys would try to steal the chicks from you So you would pick at it a 40. Yeah, but there was 40 chicks But only one one of them was good. Right. So I won't have and they were all human trafficking chicks

Like they were all from other countries. Half of them would be crying and shit like that Only half it was terrible. It was embarrassing like I was you know, like I said, I was fingering little catholic Chilitas at holy rosary academy, you know, I wasn't in this league. This was not my league as a young kid at all Yeah, and here I was like 1918. I went over there and this chick took me in the back I gave her the ticket You know three people got one of my I sit in a fucking candy truck. I don't know how long they're gonna take So I said I might as well go in they treated me I went back there

This chick took off her stockings. It was horrible It was like she was the smell or just everything the smell the You see that show yet on drug zinc about that drug in russia where you lose your body parts No, has anybody seen there's a drug in russia where you fucking skin that the two years you're done You're done. You're done. That's what this lady looked like. She had like junky sores So already I was half petrified. I had never fucked anybody before I had eaten pussy and shit And I don't know what she did if she put a condom on me. She washed my dick With uh with the bucket juice. They have no bucket. They fill it up

They wash your dick, then they put fucking a condom on you and then they ask you what you want. You can have a half and half So I said give me a half and half. She sucked it a little bit She got on top and he started bouncing in the middle of the bounce. She stops and she goes For an extra ten dollars, you could eat my pussy. Nope I fucking flipped her off me And I ran out of there and I never went back to any establishment. You didn't even come No, I couldn't come like I it wasn't even in my hemisphere. I was petrified This was a strange woman. Right, you know, I was petrified brother

Petrified till this day I'm petrified I go to a strip club. Joey Diaz gets lost I just sit and become silent And if I do like one and I start talking to her I don't play games I don't got time to play game. Right. You want to dance and wiggle. I'm not here to see you dance and wiggle I want you pussy deep in my fucking lung capacity and I want to fingy and I want to get my dicks Like what's that going to call it? We don't do that here. Okay And I leave I don't have time to fuck around

Not that I go to the strip. I haven't been to a strip club. I went this last Christmas I said I got to go to a strip club. It's been fucking 10 years. I'm 50 years old I don't go this what is wrong with me And I went to this one up here. I got a lap dance and everything the chick knew me from the podcast She came right over. What are you doing in there? I'll give you a lap dance. That's great I was like, but I've never been till this day It creeps me to fuck. I love your buddies in taxes. How many times they come to them at us and improv I would have got some panterra. Yeah, I don't go that strip club. It scares the shit out

I disappear many nights. I've been in there. Really? Yeah, but nothing shady going on. Just drinking. Yeah, just drinking No, no naked chicks sucking dick and now not nothing there. There's a place in um Around where I live where I uh, I treated one of my friends my comic friend was staying at my house Uh a couple months ago. He opened for me when I filmed my special And I said look, I'm gonna treat you. I'm gonna take you to this place where anything goes And he's still to this day. I get you know, I negotiated a deal He went in the back and he's like that place is a brothel. How is it still open? I'm like, I notice I notice spots Now he wants to come and fucking stay at my house all the time to bring me there. I'm like, I'm once in a while to bring your own

It's great 20 bucks. You bring your own liquor in So you sit there with a friend you bring a case of beer in And you guys sit there and you give the girls a dollar and then if you want to get some extra action in the back room Really? Yeah But it's great. You could just sit there with your buddies and just drink beers You don't have to do anything, but I knew that you know, some shady shit goes on I go I would pick out a girl He picked one out and I paid for it. He was fucking he's like just the greatest thing ever

I hear thousands of stories around here. I wouldn't even have the balls to go to one They have thousands of shit going on up here. Yeah, that's not my scene. I don't want I've never I've never paid for it before. No, no, no, no. I don't know nothing about I get fucking having nervous breakdown I want to touch my back. I we you know in New Jersey You if there was a bachelor party was always at a vfw hall you rent it out Whatever and you know and just fucking hired dancers and I want a blowjob and a raffle They raffled off a blowjob one of the strippers and I won that I won the raffle So that's the only time I really I guess paid and she blew me in a stall

And she took her she goes you want my teeth in or out? I'm like, what do you mean? She goes I got no car accident like six months ago. She was like 25 years old. She goes and I got false teeth And I go, um Take them out. Yeah, okay. Thank you So she put them on that little like like what a what a toilet paper is that little ledge And she put the teeth there and I had all my friends were watching over the stall They were standing on the toilet watching me get blown with the teeth on there Oh

Now this is star and that's New Jersey. I can't believe you're still a wild man. Jim. How many concerts do you go to a month? I still I still go to probably um At least like 10 a year. Yeah, no because I'm gonna go see ufo and saxon or playing in new york city of bb kings I was gonna go they were here this last week, but I can't go without michael schengler Is yeah, I know original singers a film. Yeah film. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They sound great. I've seen them in saxon I've always been a saxon fan. So I'm gonna go see that. I just saw who um I was just at a show

I saw this band whiskey mires I'm getting them more in like southern rock slash country is a great bank old blackberry smoke I'm wearing their shirt sounds like skinnered from the said they look like skinner from the 70s another band whiskey mires They got violins and they played a violin like fucking jimmy hendrix. It's amazing Now there's a a band from new jersey that's doing that my my friend son's in the band. Oh, yeah haze And they played out here. Yeah. Yeah, they're a little I saw him at the wonder bar in asbury park Asbury park is fucking I don't know if you've been there recently. It's built up. It's I heard. It's really amazing It's amazing. What happened to the place we went to see judas priestess. It's still there convention hall

No, that place was falling apart then they could it's it's uh grandfather and it's a landmark so they couldn't knock it down stonepony still there What do you think of uh Southern like were you a learned skinner? I love learned skinner from the beginning Yeah, there's one more from the road that the live album was fucking phenomenal I didn't get you know molly hatchet a little the outlaws and not so much The almond brothers I like but skinner was my favorite so me I always ask people this question and I just want to ask you because I think it's

One of the most interesting questions I've ever thought of like in my mind. This is the shit. I smoke bottom live for I I always watched Leonard skin at nebworth when they opened up for the stones And I always tell people they didn't get the memo that they were opening up for the stones in England Like nobody told them if you compare the stones performance like the word was they just blew the stones off the stage there's footage of that stones concert and it's it's it's the stones And it's good stones. It's singing hot stuff and all that shit But skinner was so real at that concert that it just blew them off the stage

Then they came back here and they were on a tour with new jen. Yeah, obviously when they died And I always got asked this question. They were playing at the garden. I had tickets. Yeah, everybody did. We all did We all did we all fucking had tickets. What are you crazy? We all did that was a sad fucking day. Gotta ask you something How would it turned out different If let it skin it did you ever think of that would have lived They were about to take over the world. What on the street was they were already switching them and Ted Ted couldn't deal with him Ted couldn't deal with him. I got there's a footage on here that I put on last week I don't even want to look I watch it for two weeks straight every day. It's skinner live

77 from the Oakland Coliseum They didn't get the memo that day. They didn't know that they didn't care that there was 80,000 people in that stadium They were playing like they were in a barn And I told people all the time they were imposing their will. It's not like they were playing in Nashville, brother They were in oakland A city that's majority black at this concert. It was all white predominantly white You have to see this. They're not rednecks And these guys came out and they didn't again. I love that saying they didn't get the memo that they were in oakland

To them they weren't fucking, you know, the fat guy with the belt buckle The three fucking attack guitar and that fucking bass and the drummer out there and the piano player I mean, this was just something that What would there would have been no cars? I don't know what would have happened. You have to assume what would have been different in music history Yeah, I think they would I mean the songs they were writing or even even street survivors was a great record the last record They did I got it in here It's no right and that that got released after the plane crash

And then my buddies don't have the one with the flames the flame. Yeah, that was the original cover. They wanted to change Um, I remember my brother went to that show Ted Nugent never mentioned Leonard Skinner at all like he didn't even say at the garden like hey You know Leonard Skinner the you know, that's a moment of nothing He didn't even mention, you know, because Nugent's career was on the down downhill there because he weekend warriors was an okay record. It was you know Cat scratch fever then a double live gonzo was phenomenal and then weekend warriors was okay But then state of shock was a bad record

He's wearing lingo tango. That's what uncle Joey packed up his album. Yeah, that was that was and went home That was just a point where Right. So 70 80 was starting to slip a little and skinner open for them I could see skinner easily 77 blowing them off the stage to stay Absolutely remember was already out that He wasn't he just didn't have it. I don't think st. Home. No st. Holmes was still in the band Well, yeah, he was in and out I'm not sure if he was in at that time, but the songwriting just wasn't there after

You know the weekend warriors. There's a you know, it's about five good songs. I like need you bad That's phenomenal. That's it. That's the only song I like on that Good friends in a bottle of wine good friends in a bottle of wine But I always think about that wouldn't have been no cars that would have been I don't know when heavy metal would have hit like when it would have really well The skinner could have easily been as big as not maybe not as big as they could have been legendary like zeppelin Yes, that's how in that realm. No, yeah, not not the stones, but definitely zeppelin. Definitely zeppelin without a doubt They were in their prime. I mean

You know, um, just I I mean that whole crazy story with the plane crash and armist pile like, you know Surviving the plane crash and walking like two miles in the snow And the guy shot them two miles in the snow because they landed in like a cornfield And in the middle of night walking in the snow with like a broken leg or something like that and a And he finally gets to somebody's house and he knocks on the back door because he finally sees a house in the middle of nowhere And the guy thinks the robber and shoots them in the shoulder So now they just get off a plane crash walk two miles in the fucking snow

He gets shot because the guy thinks he's robbing the house when he's knocking on the door looking for help That's fucking insane. That's just that's a bad night. Yeah, no That's a bad you get in that plane crash and then you get shot Jesus I'm not I'm obviously not saying ten new gin to that But we love conspiracy theories If they were really fucking up the music industry, was there ever like a thing like someone fucked with the plane or did something like that? I'm not gonna knock it off. I'm just asking. There's no conspiracy theories and fucking music. All right. This was lennon skin Well, you you better take two more fucking stars cocksucker

I'm not mistaken that they didn't gas that didn't have enough gas in the plane. That's what happened Yeah, I ran out of gas ran out of gas, but nobody tried to kill those motherfuckers. Nobody thought like that then We live in this fucking retard zone now. Everybody thinks everything's a fucking happen for a reason and shit No, no, that just they just died one morning you woke up and they were dead You know, I remember getting ready to fucking get led zeppelin tickets and i'm at Moff and jose That was the name of this egg hut. I used to go it was behind mcguire chevrolet

And w plj say john bonham died and i'm like fucking i'm never gonna get to see them Never gonna get to fucking see them This is terrible My dad knew somebody at madison square garner had a connection in 76th of led zeppelin presence tour He got 10 10 throw tickets Through some guy at the garden and he gave them my brothers. I wouldn't my parents wouldn't let me go They like you're too young and i go in their garden. So they had to divvy out the other eight Two brothers the other eight tickets to their friends

To this day There's people that are still pissed on my brothers that didn't pick them to go to that concert Like they still give them shit because everybody wanted that ticket and we had 10 tickets Then they came out to eight people and they left like five or six dudes out and they're still my brothers Tell me like two weeks ago. There's guys that are still fucking mad at me that I didn't give them that zeppelin ticket They said it was the best show they've ever seen 76 presence Even the net worth when he's doing uh achilles last hand

It's fucking amazing. He weighs dean delray pointed out. He goes away. He weighs 90 pounds from heroin There's sweat. All you see is bones underneath. I was always a big zeppelin thing. I love that I mean, I was a bigger sabbatham, but I love zeppelin. I love that presence is one of my favorite my favorite tea for two That tea for two I put it on some times and it just takes me to a place where you don't usually go. That's the devil That's the pure devil. I love achilles last hand There's something else on there. There's like a candy store rock candy store rocks great There's some great jams on I grew up on all that shit that shit nobody's fault of mine

And you know that was you know robber plant lost his son like yeah A few months before that and broke his leggy on the bad car accident So he was doing that album like in a wheelchair he recorded that album in a wheelchair and he lost his son from that rare disease Like a six-year-old son or five-year-old son Eric. Yeah They always say You know the conspiracy theories. We'll watch this Like I said, they always say That little zeppelin people that that was Carrick

The little man at the bottom of the mountain Well, you know fast into the devil Jimmy Page bought Alistair Crowley's house and lived in Alistair Crowley's house It was a whole occult thing where they thought that yeah, definitely that band was jinxed when I saw this album This album wasn't One of my favorite albums. I like

a couple songs from the sound but the reason why I bought this album is because I like to show people what they're getting gypped up today What the other process of the creative thought was, you know with pink Floyd animals and you got a poster You know Van Halen women and children first you got that that's when I hated them When the women and children first and I got the poster of him with the chains Oh, yeah, I was like I couldn't do it. That was it. That was it. I didn't come back till fair warning Yeah, that's how much that poster pissed me the fuck off Why because it was him hanging on a chain like with no shirt on no shirt on trying to be sexy very homoerotic

And I tell people all the time if you take a sponge And you wet the sponge and dry and you smear it over this That it turns into different colors people don't know this and this was this album came out before Barnum died But this is Barnum's last night This is Barnum's what last night the glass is broken. He smoked a bunch of joints the pills were loose So you take this this is what I show people like this is what we're missing creatively today when you wonder why They're redoing the fucking matrix in 2017 Okay, you have to think about why because there's no creativity left from A to Z

When we were kids and you this was sacred to us On a Saturday and I'm not talking about Led Zeppelin this album I'm talking about any album on a Saturday me and Steve Avillo would go on bergen line And he'd go get something and I'd go get something then we'd bring it home We'd roll the joint in it if it was one of those connecting albums You know, you still open up those albums and you'll find seeds in there and shit like that You always clean your pot on those but you know just to put this type of stuff out, you know like you get a sponge, you know And you just wet this down now you buy you pay $26 for a dvd

Don't even tell you who's in the fucking movie in the fucking thing. They have no class, you know They have creative thought going into the album. See how it's all switched. That's what they did. They wanted you to take the sponge There's creative thought that somebody fucking thought of this shit This has all been eliminated. I don't know why What happened to the music business? What are you thinking this resurgence that's going on? You love it Well the the vinyl no no well the vinyl one thing but just How the music industry had to go to all the old guys and go guys we need you back again Yeah, well because you know there was great songwriting back then so

You're not getting it, you know, but music is just disposable like the young generation doesn't give a shit about music They'll listen to a drake song. They'll download a couple songs, but they're not passionate about music at all So you're going back to so nobody's writing really good songs, you know, maybe a dell You know possibly you know shit like that, but there's not a lot of bands that are doing that So Everyone's going back to the old shit, you know, I mean Even even kids are growing up on like, you know, the parents got on my classic rock. They're going to go see bob seager They're going to see still littered skinner, you know, all these bands coming around the stones

Everyone's bringing their kids kiss. You have to show is you know guys bringing their kids to those shows. So You know, that's the only music and those bands are going to be gone. All of them are going to be gone within 10 years Except for like u2 and may be metallica You know those bigger bands like the foo fighters will be the three bands that could do stadiums But other than that the iron maidens the bob seekers the rolling stones You know black sabbath just retired. Ozzy's doing some stuff. He'll be gone. You know judas priest You know motorheads gone acd. He's going to be gone. So all of these bands and even the classic rock bands Well, they hit are they hinting that after gunner roses stops this tour

He's going to travel acd. I mean, I've been hearing that Basically on different venues on probably there's no serious any of those heavy metals. Yeah, probably. I mean, I saw axl Do acds. He was amazing. I mean he the way the bond scott stuff that he did he sounded dead on Are you a bond scott guy or brian johnson? Well, yeah, I mean Bond scott but you brian was great brian, you know filled the shoes But I was still I'm still a power age guy No, there was there was not one bad song that on a any acdc record with bond scott not one bad song You can't name a bad song off let there be rock powerage

High voltage dirty deeds done dirt cheap highway to hell if you want blood you got it There's nothing I love I love it. I can't believe I don't hear but but pisses me off is when I do hear acdc It's always brian johnson on the radio. That's why only when I play music on the podcast I hit him with highway to hell. I hit him with power. They don't even know what the fuck powerage is A lot of people even know what let that be rockers You know, it's it's hard to believe I'm when we went to the palladium To see acdc that night till this day a friend of ours had a hat on he threw it at angus

Angus picked it up Put it on took it off and threw it back at my buddy. He still fucking talks about wow And timmy the guy that comes to your shows he goes to all those shows like me and timmy grew up Like I came from a musical neighborhood There was three or four, you know, it's north bergen is to 88 streets or 88 street park were priests guys 51st street park was zeppelin guys, you know But you see him at all when I get on a bus to go to the city when I was a kid That'd be 30 we'd be 30 40 deep from north bergen. Yeah, we went to see the new barbarians

When when it was the stones would fucking Keith richards I'd never forget going to see that and rod stewart singing, you know, I was very like I left to colorado But then I came back and that was a summer of 84 And that was it in new york city like I went to see Michael Jackson at the fucking with the brothers over at the metal ends. He did nine nights And then spring steam came in a week later and did nine fucking nights before yeah I was but I was living back guys. It was music was fucking huge. That was a summer of the pretenders

He was the news was out It was fucking mind boggling every week rod stewart was playing with jeff beck and jeff beck quit and mid fucking tour In factuation. It was just craziness. How many shows I went to see prince Sheila e and nucleus for 15 fucking dollars Where did you see that at at the rich or something crazy? Jesus christ with it with ozzy tape. I went to see the b-52's new year's eve 1980 rock lobster shit

At the fucking rich on a couple quailudes tremendous till this day. I yeah tremendous I love the beef up till love shack. I love them. The old shit was fucking party at a bound Jesus Right up my favorite Idaho the guitar Whatever my plan Idaho Fucking tremendous enough to make you want to jump out of window. Let me give some shout out some We'll get you got a spot tonight. No, you just hanging tonight. We are just hanging. Yeah Sean row. I love you mad homie. You know, I love you cocksucker Brian Simmons one by one podcast my main Mikey Klein

stoner mtl My fucking henchmen over there in nyack in two weeks Ross dude for the bag of weed last night and my main man talking lair Holding shit motherfucking down in vegas here One of the concerts that we go to the garden that we didn't know. Um Well judas freestyler made in a convention hall in asbury park with paul dianos. Yeah. Yeah Now hold on one second. We got a backtrack Because this is the main reason my phone. Love you the fucking cherry bomb story

When i'm sitting in the car and I kept thinking that somebody kept going to concerts and I was a kid and light now one time aerosmith played and somebody actually threw Uh, not the smoke bomb but a cherry bomb adam and they've pulled off the stage. Yeah, that was I don't know where that was We did the good rats or something. Did you ever hear that something? It was it might have been that Were you a little bit my buddy plays with got the all the time still they still do little benefits and shit I think it might have been an m80 or a blockbuster something something got thrown and they pull Or journey I didn't I didn't go see journey, but I went to see the police at the mental lands I went to see pat benatar at the mental lands

No, I saw a police in the synchronous synchronicity tour. I saw him in a jfk stadium in fairly by that time I was in colorado and that's a great album. I have that and it's phenomenal That's see you have like uh, you're a mental dude, but you loved everything. I liked all of that stuff. Yeah, because you know, well The problem what would metal early on in the 80s is you couldn't get laid listening to what I'm like 1920 I went to pussy and you know wearing a judo's pretty sure to the party is not going to get me pussy When I go, you know, you know, I can't believe they put a point of entry I hate that album bird of steel was so much better. Nobody wanted to hear it So I started getting the like new wave flock of seagulls b 52s because that's where the girls were going

So I'd go to the clubs. It was like free drinks. There's a place called mingles on route 35 and in south amboi Wednesday night fuck. Yeah, ladies night. It was free drinks from 8 to 10 free drinks You have no idea. It was like 10 bucks to get into free. So I at that fucking 958 958 I go can I get 22 tequila sinrises? They're like, how many I go 22 for who I go for me 20 yeah, not so then you just pass me the girls. I need a drink. You need a drink here Oh my god, I used to go to chilele's in jersey city. It was 60 cents For alabama slamma right and 30

So for 90 cents, you got alabama slamma and a fucking mug of beer, right? And it was from 8 to 10 to 10 oh one. It would be fucking bone dry Yeah, it would be lee. They would make all their money from eight. I mean lee 10 oh one You guys have probably fucked one of the same girls Like there has to like you have to like go through all your history one of these days a free drink from 8 to 10 Think about that like and it was like 10 bucks to get in they put them in those little like plastic cups But still

So you would just get you know vodka tonic vodka, whatever, but I remember tequila sinrises the thing I drank So they were like yellow in the middle with a little red on top. Yeah, a little grenadine grenadine. Fuck yeah I drank with the right with the cherry. I drank So when you puke you'd always see the cherries in the puke How was it hard to get a drink with it mobbed? Because we tipped the guy at 20. So he knew we had to go to first. So My thing was Tuesdays was chilele's Wednesday was this place on tundly avenue the dome or something and the chicks got 50 cent drinks

So you just gave a chick of two dollars and said get me two drinks. Keep the chain And then Thursday Was something else And then saturdays. It was a happy hour nyak new york. That's how deep our jimmy ran We used to go up to the kookies nest in nyak new york But there used to be a bar up there. Let me tell you something an interesting story I just told somebody that there's a girl that A woman that has a child and we both go to daycare. She grew up in that area and she goes

There used to be a bar up in northern new york when we were kids That all the big bands would stop up there before they played the garden Or before they go on tour they'd do three night tours and they would like the stones were notorious for it The stones would call themselves the huckleberries right and do a little and they were two dollar show and you didn't know Is the fucking stones so you got down and you were like jesus fucking christ But there was a bar up there That she said she went up there one time And she saw like fucking uh deep purple up there

Like deep purple and it was funny because jolyn turner Is a big jersey guy like a jolyn guido's his name in real life or whatever. He's supposed to even click side park Where's he from? Yeah, he's somewhere around north jersey. Yeah, right there. Now. Do you still see him at all? Uh, he was on our show. I haven't seen him in in a long time, but he's uh, you know, yeah, he's a jersey guy full blown jersey You know that that's a wig Yeah, I've heard right he has the pro he has the disease that the The hair falls out celebrities with wigs. I'm telling you

No, he had a thing that when he was singing stone cold and all that He's got that disease where your hair falls out. Oh really? Yeah, because he was in a band called fendango fendango. Yeah And my buddy was like the guitar player or something. He was fucking my friend's mother So he gave me all the news on and then one night there was a bow and alley up in englewood And rainbow did a benefit up there like bowling and I went up there And uh, not richie blackmore. He's too much of a prick to show up anywhere in those days. Yeah It was like joel interna to do with the little gentlemen and glasses that plays the bass

Roger lover where I think was in the band at the time. Was it somebody else? It was like a weird little combination I still remember that shit, but they used to go up there. So for some reason I thought that they lived up there somewhere Like I got it. Is deal really from jersey? No deal grew up in um, uh, near rochester Binghamton But he lived in jersey when he died No, he was living out here. Oh, was he? Yeah, okay Yeah, he was living in LA. Yeah Fucking interesting that we lived in that we were going to the same shows. There's a ton of shows

I forgot now. We I don't know if you got you guys probably didn't do this Shit like we got a bar and we wouldn't even pay for drinks We would just take them off the bar like if someone looked the other way We just steal a beer even if it was half full and just drink it Oh Oh, yeah all the time like I remember a girl wanted I go you want me to get your drinks? She goes, yeah, I got I'll be right back and I had a steal I stole a drink of a bar was only three quarters full she goes

What would you take it? I go? Yeah, I just wanted to make sure to bartender made it right here You go and I would just steal take that we used to walk in a bar and just look a guy would turn the other way I go sir, can you tell me what time it is and you go like this and look down and my buddy would steal his beer He just got a beer. He wasn't looking it was on the bar and he'd walk away with it and the guy turned around I go, what the fuck is my beer? You know so we wouldn't even pay for drinks You see a half drink on a bar no one's around you steal it and take it and just start drinking it. We didn't give a shit That is fucking crazy. I used to mug my high school janitor

At my local bar. He used to my the high school janitor was half a momo and on friday like 1130 He'd show up at joe marries and I always knew there was something wrong with And I would put my hand in his pockets He would put his jacket on the thing and he would have a container in there Valiums and these other white pills and I would take all the values and give them up to my friends I mean yeah, and there was the bartender was lila. She she uh Was fucking nuts, but she had this dog that would just sleep the whole time And our job was to go over and order a drink from her and piss on the dog

I mean, this is only in jersey you could do this piss on the dog piss on the dog Why you order in the drink right because because the dog was right there So you take your dick out and just but this is just crazy. Someone has to do it No, we do we do it at the bar instead of getting up. We just piss right at the bar Piss at the bar would stand in there or sitting and you just whip your dick out just piss What are you talking about? We there was no class in New Jersey. We didn't give a fuck though My friend ran the bar and he would piss at the bar. What? Yeah, he ran it. It's not like piss. What are they will hold it down now because you know this beer everyone's spilling shit

People smoking cigarettes people got body odor And all mixes in there had all mixed in it didn't matter and then ham sandwiches That's where you ate those ham sandwiches and we're like that when we went to Joe Marry's There was a circle dish and they had like a plastic container with a handle And he'd make a thousand little sandwiches at like nine in the morning ham and cheese And then when you got there if you were drinking you could just take a sandwich, right? That's how cool and there would be a little old and shit flies would be in there. Right. You think of a fuck that was hunger, right? Stuart sandwiches, do you remember Stuart sandwiches that came in the baggie?

If you went to a bar and you were hungry, you could say let me get a Stuart sandwich They had like ham and cheese and pepperoni pizzas and they had a little oven at the bar And they put it in and they make the sandwich with the baggie around it So you knew you were gonna die then they open it up and he would come out the ham and cheese wasn't that bad And could you just pee in can you pee at Joe Marry's? No, we never peed Except when we peed on the dog, but besides that we peed in the back and look up Stuart Sandwiches from the 70s see if you could find the toaster Well, there was this one strip club near my house

It was five cent bar pies like pizza like their little bar pies or whatever like that It was so you they lured in with that so you get pizzas there'd be strippers and stuff We what we used to do with the dollars We used to rip the dollars in half and roll them up And you know you stick them in the girls fucking, you know And they're stocking or whatever they're fucking, you know guard a belt and you know the strippers They just throw all the money on the stage in a big pile and then they go in the back and they count it So they didn't know because we'd roll it up like it was almost like a fucking like you were going to snort lines

So they had no idea so we were getting two stops for a buck. We'd call it You know what I mean? So we get yeah, and the girls had no and then they're getting the back like what the fuck Somebody ripped the fucking you know dollar and a half day We don't we knew we had to get out of there within like 45 minutes because they'd come out for the next shift Because they would come out like once an hour We knew they were going to look for who I had who the fuck did this and eventually we get busted So and then we'd hit the next strip club and do it again

We'd be in the car just ripping dollars and rolling them up I met this guy in 83 when I went back to jersey 84 And then we became friends and he wasn't from my neighborhood I worked with him in the city and he could get me 20s and 50s That were fake And that's when you're messing with counterfeit money you're fucking you're in deep man But I would torture the strippers with them Not

It's dark Who's gonna who's gonna take a 50 from you quicker than a fucking stripper without looking at nobody That's it I'm not gonna say where I did it I ran that game for A year and a half. I got broke. I was in the city. I went to him like a man He goes I get tons of this shit. It's gonna cost you But I didn't give a fuck as I would still clear. He would give me 10 g's in 20s

And that would still clear five grand, you know, and that's breaking 20s That's breaking. That's buying a pack of gum with a 20. That's tough So you would not even you would do it another place beside a strip club past them strip clubs. I would get the 50s But you went to like a little bodega. You would use a fake 20. Yeah, that's when you're fucking That's when you're fucking. I know you can't go back to them. They today you get caught. There's cameras that yeah, they'll catch it But in these days, I would go to fucking Really Spanishy neighborhoods and different hoods the Bronx and right me and him were getting a car And we'd go to like Harlem and go to like those places where you

Get soap like those pharmacy places and then he also like when I was an open micro in new york I was only in new york for 93 For nine months. I didn't meet anybody. I would do Al martin's club. Yeah on 24th and second. No, that was um Like 49th and second 49th and second by by say it was by spark steakhouse. Yeah, okay I would it was like three blocks away from sparks in those days there was a Gonzo

Yeah, bob gonzo the room and bergen line avenue on 69th street called romanos and every time I go home He put me up there. Give me three minutes And where else was I doing comedy the old triple in I was all over the city, but not in clubs. I wasn't even thinking about clubs, right? But what the fuck was I doing? That's when I was when I met the dudes with counterfeit though, like I I met them for a while that was great They had it down, but I learned that

In those years that those people what they demanded for like if you go up to 178th by port authority If you walk two blocks from there, they have blocks and blocks It looks like downtown la like alvarado. You ever go to alvarado leave the langers Down there. It's just a roll of mexican businesses And they sell sweat socks and all that well up that way I would take I would go to fort lee to the safeway Right in fort lee by the bridge and that little more if you you can make a left off the bridge Or right if you made the left you went to the fort lee diner

But if you made a right there was like a supermarket there and they had lobster bisque I was going there at six in the morning before the shift would change when they would stock the shelves And I would just steal boxes of yeast medication So if you have a yeast infection and they would give me top dollar I wouldn't even have money. Where would you sell that on 178th? Which I would go into okay I would put a suit on and go like with a sort of briefcase with nothing in it And I would go right into fucking safeway

Go up on top take the boxes and there was something else that I could buy I forget what it was like cold medicine like contact, right? They would pay you top dollar for that I would not even have the money for a bus over the bridge. I would walk the bridge Walk, I mean I was 210 pounds then I could walk the bridge like nothing it takes 10 minutes to walk over the bridge I would go over walk to 181st sell this stuff pick up two three hundred dollars I would take the eight train down the 52nd and sell cars I mean my life was crazy. I would steal change from the service department and the cars to get home at night It was just I was just a fucking I wasn't going to no music concerts. I was just doing comedy, right?

I joined the boxing gym across from Uh Fucking poor authority. It's still there Boxing gym and they gave me a locker for 35 bucks a month So I would leave clothes in there and change when I was in the city so I could change and I would jump rope and do push-ups Fucking crazy, man. Jesus and then I met you at uncle funnies, right uncle funnies in um, Davey, florida Well the dolphins practice. Yeah, I'm a big dolphin fan too. Oh, are you really? Yeah

So I would always go down there around when they were practicing or games and stuff like that And that was the then you told me you lived in we hawk and my mind was blown I go really and you were telling me how we hawk and have grown Because I was gone. I was out of the picture Like I left new york city in 93 to go to colorado and be a comedian. That was it I did those nine months in new york. I started in 91 But I did those nine that's about when I started 91 and then I never went back to new york again till After I met you maybe 99 2000. Yeah, because I didn't see you

No, I was wondering where you know, I remember I mean, you know one time and then Like yeah, I was like, I don't know. I you know, no, I wasn't in new york. I was an LA guy already I was already in LA when I met you. I was at the store at least that's the only place that was giving me spots Right and my manager used to work for creative entertainment. So he knew uncle funnies and all those fucking people so Here we are 20 years later 20 years and you've been doing comedy 26 years like me right 27 years 191 is when I really started doing June 18th and 91 I went on stage in like 90 and then stop for a little bit. Yeah, that's what we all did. We all posted that

I posted out too. I I could have been I could have started doing comedy in 89 It took me a year and a half to get on stage. Yeah, I was petrified too. I didn't um I knew that's what I wanted to do at some point But then I was just it took me a year year and a half. So I was deejaying on the radio I was deejaying in rock clubs I was doing that and then I just said I got and I went to the open mic I was on vacation in Florida with my girlfriend at the time and I saw open mic night At this place in fall order there. I go fucking I'm going on. I go nobody's gonna know me here. It's gonna be perfect

And went on bomb, but I just said this is fucking this is what I want to do and some the mc there was this guy from jersey He goes I do I do Tuesday nights at Noah's Ark in Woodbridge, New Jersey on the host there come down And I'm like I'm like perfect. So I go to every Tuesday night It was like 10 minutes from my house And I just started then then I started working in the city and doing all that stuff So how crazy is that we're still doing this shit? I love it. I love it even more now. Yeah, I do too I fucking love it. Now. I really I did six shows last weekend in New York City Six shows two of two Friday for Saturday

Why did five and fucking Baltimore and they were rough jack people showed up? I had st. Patty's there Oh, yeah, I know I love that club. You're a mcgooby's mcgooby's. I love that place is great That's a great fucking place and stuff and you're happy you still do. How long you've been doing this radio show metal I've been doing that probably six years. Wow. I do my podcast since 2011. So that's six years And um, you know, no, I love I learned to stand up. I love doing a stand up. It's fucking great I uh, well, we you were talking about acdc earlier. You open for them. I think right not acdc. I open for I open for metallica. Well metallica put on a festival where they had comics on I did that So I technically opened them. I was on the same bill

Um, and then I went on tour with slayer megadeth and anthrax for a month Did arena is opening for them and then I went on tour with megadeth and black label society zack wilds band And a couple of the bands, uh, you know about two years ago. Now he fucking intrigues me I'm happy you brought his name up. Who zack wild love him fucking. He's amazing. I love everything. I love his jersey guy Jersey guy read up on him, but I love his whole, uh Like he's so black sabbath oriented. He's so ozzy oriented Yeah, like I could feel it and even in his own me like the black label society all that stuff I could hear how sabbath influenced he is ozzy influenced

I've never met him. I've never seen him live. I don't know how they are live. Oh, he's an animal He's fucking looks like a caveman. He's got a huge beard. He went 69 days on tour without showering Jesus That was his thing. He just wouldn't shower and he didn't even care He would just drink like a case of beer. He just wake up and just start drinking beer He doesn't drink anymore. He had some health problems where he can't drink anymore Yeah, 69 days and I'm not taking a fucking shower. That's always something real Cephalus

Fucked up feet. He didn't care. He just didn't care just said no problem That was his longest, but he always got three weeks sometimes four weeks and just wouldn't shower Oh my god Did he stink? Of course. Yeah, he just said bo just stunk a bo. He didn't care people told him. Yeah, he didn't care Like he's a butler was up was in ozzy solo band for a little while and when zack was in with ozzy And um, he's like that guy's a fucking animal. He goes like she I just I don't understand them I've never met anybody like him. That's geezer who was on fucking tour in the 70s with every band You know and being the crazy days with ozzy is just yeah

He's cleaned up now like zack. He'll he'll shower now And stop now. He's a great. He's a family man. He's married to his high school sweetheart He's been married for like 30 years. They got four kids You know the kids got to tell you you stink though I they weren't on tour with them. They were they wouldn't go home No, he wouldn't go home. I wouldn't go home. It was only when he was on tour My daughter his wife wouldn't put his wife wouldn't put up with that. No, no, no, that's 69 days Your ball's got a stick

And your asshole's gotta be a fire dog Because you just wipe your ass all that's all that residue sticks there all those fumes and shit No, I know and he would just sleep in his clothes and just go to show the next night And murder on stage murder. Yeah that don't he always fucking Rip team del Rey loves him or somebody else told me they love them everybody I've seen them you watch him play guitar like just the way he stands and everything He's just a fucking rock star. He's got the long blonde hair to beard down to here and just fucking rips on that guitar There's not too many rock stars left and he's definitely one of them

You know, man, I live through you when I hear you talk about the different shows you go to like I said All that's like when I left New York City. That was just a memory for me I always threatened myself now. I was gonna go see black Sabbath at the Hollywood Bowl. I didn't go You know, like I said, I would I would love to see Michael Shankner again. I saw them I saw them and rainbow in Newark and I also saw missing persons In Jersey, I never saw a missing person. I'm missing persons January Of 83 one of the coldest nights of my life in Jersey At that theater in Newark or Pisaic

The capital theater the capital theater and that's where I saw rainbow With the scorpions when I was a kid if you want me to lie to you and tell you I knew every song I did not even know who they were. I went to see them by mistake A kid from the neighborhood said I got an extra ticket for the rainbow and scorpion. I didn't know what I was getting myself into And so was that was that when Shanker was still was in because no, I think it was animal magnetism If you look okay, that was 80 was angle my animal magnetism So Shanker played on the love drive record in 79. It came back for a little bit after left UFO Um, then I went to see him again when he toured the first album

I was still in Jersey. Okay, and I can't remember where I went to see Armed in danger of them ready. You know, I love the second album. I loved on and on. I still listen to it Attack of the wild max man, man, man, man, whatever the fuck the song is But that's why I didn't go see UFO. I would have got to see Lights out and uh rock bottom bottom is my shit. I still watch the videos Strangers of night is one of the greatest live albums of all time. It's phenomenal. Wait, did you Get back to missing persons. Remember Dale Bozio had those naked pictures out She was in either cherry magazine or hustler all like really dirty pictures like showing a pussy and everything

Let's look for them later. See if you can see because I was I was I was in love with Dale Bozio She was beautiful. She looked like my friend sister Lady Gaga stole her whole fucking look Yeah, you look at Lady Gaga. She took her whole thing From her with the fuck, you know, you know, uh reigning has come on here reigning his Dale's son Terry son. Oh, yeah, drummer. Yeah, he's a good kid Yeah, I I got in touch with him or he got in touch with me somehow. He's a big fan of my pot Yes. Yes. Yes. We spoke and he's like, I love to go on flaring train. So yeah Great kid has great stories of his father told me a lot of the little zapper inside his is

I saw him his father play for zapper when I was on down in florida No, you zapper played a theater. Yeah, see vi was in the band. No, you did at the time. Yeah This is before vi joined, you know Alcatraz and then he went to davily roth and stuff, but he was you know And I um, but terry one of the best drummers out. I saw I saw listen. I saw rush I didn't like rush Again another band. I couldn't take the fucking dude singing But I went yeah, and neil pert was ripping it though

But the best drummer I think I ever really saw like really tearing up was the doof in the police on Oh stewart copeland. Yeah, no, I'm the synchronicity tour, but the one early 81 That was outlandish the second out the second out They had a rastafarian band open with the metal lans. I went through smokes and sent me I like what the fuck are they talking about? But uh I thought he was great. I loved when I went to see Van Halen open up for sabbath

At the garden 78. Yeah, that was out that show fucking nightmare, but I'll never forget I was close enough To see ladies as your girl bill ward Snot and coke off the drums in between songs Is that dale right there? Oh, is that? And those pictures up top are her This is what came up on that. I don't know what you look like is that her fucking pussy. Yeah Look click on to that fucking hundred percent one up on top just search Look at that. I can't put this on you. Yeah, but which one do you want to click on right there? Look at that

Look at that fucking hairy monkey. That's what I'm talking about. Right Jesus That's prime real estate. That's when pussies were pussies 1980 79 Look at how far the hair goes. Yeah. Yeah, that's when it was sexy and shit when you sniff the asshole It could be pussy sniff or asshole mix. It was like a like a mocha latte. You know what I'm saying? Like it's coming from both directions Yeah, let's take these down before we go to jail. We would just tell people. Yeah, she was she was beautiful She was that album. I still have it on my iPod. I still listen to And I am

I'm the one notice me noticeable. Noticeable. I love to be nominal Uh, he's got a la walking la but the other one new Uh drag We don't I forget what the song is. I know what you're talking about I went to see them on the coldest fucking night ever in jersey And I'll never forget this because we went that we caught chans dragging in on the way home

And that's not my buddy who irritates me at restaurants asked the waiter if they had chicken noodle soup And me and my buddy almost killed them because we love chans dragging in get the egg drop soup Which one with the fucking egg drop soup? Now I want noodle soup. Listen if you ask that waiter for chicken noodle soup, we're gonna beat the fuck out of you You understand me? Don't fucking embarrass us. This is our whole restaurant. They gotta have chicken. He kept arguing They gotta have chicken noodle soup. I'm telling you they got chicken, bro Who cares what kind of soup he gets get the one time because you're not gonna want a chicken noodle soup on a chinese restaurant

Not around me. Are you really Campbell's chicken noodle soup? Yes. He wanted like he was a white dude So we were all fucking white, but he wanted chicken fucking noodle soup And we kept telling them dog if you're the chicken noodle soup, I'm gonna beat the fuck out of you I'm just I'm telling you how to principle. Don't even think don't even go there. Just get the egg drop I don't like egg drop soup. I don't like wonton soup. I don't give a fuck what you like get the war wonton It's got shrimp in it get something But don't order chicken noodle soup the waiter was in there two minutes He looked straight in the face and he goes do you have any chicken noodle soup?

We were gonna fucking kill him in that restaurant That's why it's to till this day when he sees me goes we have any coming you want me on the chicken noodle soup Listen, don't even remind me because I'll fucking kill you how much you embarrass me in those days In those days when we went into a restaurant. We ate specific things by the rule like that you eat from jersey Right only fucking idiots eat half of that shit. Yeah, we eat a certain food and you didn't break that fucking code That's just the way it was. That's the way you are in jersey. You know I'm saying it's awful one one for all I don't even help us. Yeah, you see joey's held true to this code for 40 years 40 years. I don't find I don't I don't give it. I don't give it. Well, like I took this is place called

Shit, what is it this little diner on on the root 33 circle and like uh Where the fuck is root 33 Jesus Christ, mate? It's down by like asbury. It's called the roadside diner It looks like the little blob diner now. There's 34 and 35 and that's like in fucking mob, bro Yeah, what's root 34 and 35? That's why you're confusing me now. Yeah, but root 33 goes all the way down to like asbury Jersey Shore Medical Center Bradley Beach or whatever. There's a roadside down. It's a little diner and I had my son I took him there last week and I had to you have to have the park roll sandwich He never had it before that's a jersey thing park roll and cheese

What's the other what's the tail of ham and tail of ham and egg? Yeah, tail of ham I'm This guy somebody had one of our friends had the tail of ham and we gave it to him because he's a jersey Shore that we made his world we go go ahead because I'm not going to use it, right? They don't have the right rolls. No, so I'm wasting my fucking time. They're insulting me. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you got to get the right fucking rolls rouse has the right rolls, but they gooey. They're not real fucking hard Poppy seed rolls. Well, I didn't want to waste my time. You know me though I'm by the fucking book. Have you ever been to dosa monos on 55th and bergen line avenue?

The cuban steak sandwich probably I'm probably like all the fucking metzko and any yankees or football players That live in the galaxy. That's where they go That's why I'm gonna go next thursday when I get back from jim north. That's 55th And what bergen line avenue right in the side of the building. It's called dosa monos. They only serve cuban steak sandwiches But be those of the man. I must have been there because I used to live on 55th and kennedy. So I must have been there Kennedy yeah, like right off of kennedy. What the fuck is on 55th and kennedy Taffara lumber's down the corner. Yeah, it was like a gas station like a next walk over car dealership, but it was cemetery Somewhere in that name. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, that was my first move to west new york

Now on 55th street, we were kids. There was a place called the mic guy It was a palanese and chinese food fucking tremendous We used to go in there and they were the only joint in jersey that had spare ribs at the buffet Oh, shit Fuck yeah, wait the ones with the bones with the one with the bone, but there was a place in next to carney That was an all you could eat and on monday nights. They had the shrimp and lobster sauce or you could eat with prawns Killer killer. We used to fuck them up. You could see our little paths We just walked back and forth. That's what else we did. We had a lot of chinese food

Ran out of ground round and angle with clips. I would run out of that ground round on a fucking Every week because we used to go up there for monday night. Remember monday night football used to be an event Oh, yeah, go to the bar to watch it. That's it. Yeah, the bars are great food free food And wasn't ground round pay with your way or without that was with kids Pay with your way to have the thing where if you brought your kid and you pay with your way So if your kid was like 35 cents, I mean 35 pounds he'd pay like 35 Or you can eat whatever you want if there were peanuts on the floor people peanuts on the floor But that place to my guy

We were going in cause hammock and timmy's brother the one that likes your roger He would go in and he had the bartender's trained on sundays. He would watch football and snorkeling there But he would put he would call the bartender home and the bartender would put his neck down And the roger would karate chop in the next that was he had to do so every hour on the hour we go Oh, come here and the guy would come over and he'd go like this And the roger would go ha in karate chop and the guy would walk away to there. That's racist as fuck But back then but then finally one day came on the paper. They raided them and they had a bunch of cats Skin cats in the freezer. So that was the end the fucking like cats like they were skinning cats

They're like they were real fucking they found cats and dogs and You know just the meats from all over the fucking world That was the end of the fucking my guy. What do you got this weekend, man? Uh fronting on it, but the improv Eight o'clock show eight o'clock show and then saturday you got something to go benefit It's an ms benefit a bunch of bet rudies rudy sarsos playing Nancy wilson's got a new band like a side project from harsh. He's playing Then you got all the rock stars steven adler's gonna be to gilby klar from guns and roses

And I guess everyone's gonna walk in jam bill burrs doing stand up craig gas is gonna host and i'm gonna go out and do some stuff too Perfect a los los angeles theater saturday night But the improv yeah, none of my podcasts comedy mental midgets. It's out every monday So comedy mental midgets is up on itunes. Yeah, and what's on serious? Sirius is I just call the show metal midgets. Okay. That's what I listen. Yeah, it's just a two hour show I do every thursday from five to seven eastern and they replay it like four times And I listen to it. It's a two hour show. I don't make up my own playlist. It's fucking great I go through my iPod. I go. I want to play this i'm gonna play

I just played judo's priest center. We're just talking about that. I just played it last week My sister goes, how can you play it center? I thought you'd play something like, you know, like you got another thing coming I go, no, I don't play the hits No, I gotta play the deep cuts now out of all these bands we've discussed tonight What's the one that drives it home for you? Sabbath number two AC dc number three Oh

Priest Yeah, I'm gonna throw a motorhead in there too. I'm a huge motorhead fan. That's right. You're a huge, huge. Let me go You know what just turned 35 today 35 years old as I made a number to beast came out 35 years ago Here's the problem with number of the beast. I jumped off the bat when paul deannock. Well, I don't know why I know the first two main records are phenomenal, but the band wouldn't be where they are today Without dickinson really without dickinson yet. Deanna was too much of a fuck up I mean the guys if you see pictures of monline, he's a he's a fucking mess. He's been in a jail He could barely sing and he's bald. He's but yeah, he's he's completely

They knew at that time it was time for him to go. I just knew so I just seen him do acoustic all-rath child I think it's online. Not really. I don't know what it was. Yeah. Yeah, just something. He's bald, right? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, he doesn't know he looks like you don't look to know he doesn't I looked at him. I was like, oh Fuck, yeah, so they made the right move. No, I was a deanna those first two main records are fucking that's one of my killers It's one of my favorite Metal on the moororg. What is it murders in the room? Genghis Khan god Jesus christ all that this is that was it that was my I still listen to it You know, I put it up on twitter and people call me an old fuck get the fuck out of here

You don't know music. You don't know music. No, I know that. No, that's just I don't even argue with them when they say shit to me I don't even I because they don't have no idea if you wouldn't click that on and listen to that bass Line in the beginning boom boom boom boom boom boom boom I love all that shit. You know what I was thinking about. I wanted to ask you. Have you ever Listened to hell bent full out of the album and thought to yourself Jesus christ. How gay was he and I didn't know Well, yeah, that that absolutely you had no idea. I had an idea I had an idea during the british steel week

I had something like by thursday. I'm like, I think this guy's gay, but it didn't matter in my world It didn't at that time. It did not I didn't grow up like that. I didn't care if he was gay I thought he was one of the best I had ever seen live I mean when I saw him do victim of changes live in 79 I was like This is amazing. The problem I had was my earlier concerts Especially aerosmith. It didn't sound like the album and I didn't like that

You got to be tight with uncle joey. I don't want another this fucking you want to improv improv on your own Fucking time. All right, don't don't improv with uncle joey Aerosmith like the stones like to improv a little bit and it sounds good, but it doesn't sound good They were one of the first guys that was so fucking tight and I couldn't figure it out because they were heavy They were so heavy. Yeah, when I went to see british steel, they were tight I went five nights in a row. They were fucking tight that that crossover Before metal gods from whatever reaching the world whatever the fuck it was rapid fire

It was the most brilliant thing I had ever Yeah, no and I had to go back to watch it like I got to go back to see if this is fucking real I kept going back to maybe it's it's maybe a little lip syncing Maybe he's fucking lip syncing right and I was I kept going just to see if he was lip syncing Then when I went back for point of entry, he opened up with solar angels He would stop from the top and he would slide down like a little fruit cake and shit But it was tremendous. I knew that No, you know, and you know, I had no idea because like if you saw like promo pictures of howford back in the day

He always had penthouse pets around them That was the move for the guys like the show. No, I get chicks You know, I'm not insinuating anything, but there was you know, paul stanley was another guy with a lot of penthouse pets around them You know in promo pictures Uh david lee roth another guy a lot. I'm not insinuating anything But those guys were always like, oh look, they get all the chicks No, david lee roth fucked a lot of chicks. No, absolutely without a doubt. No, I you know I know I guarantee a guy sucked his dick at two for free tickets

Sucking lessons or some shit. You never know the first time I met david lee roth was in scores in the york city district club I go in there, you know, uh the comedian richie franchisee remember richie. Yeah. Yeah, big guy. Yeah, I'm a door man. Yeah. Yeah What's the door man up there doing coming? Yeah. Yeah, what's the bounds of doing on stage? He's opening joe's a great joke. So richie knew a guy that worked there So after we go to the dude of comic strip, we go over to scores and I think someone goes david lee roth's here I'm like, holy shit, where and he was up like in like the vip section And we went up there and it was like sick. He was sitting there It was like six girls around them and they were playing van halen like dance the night away and he was singing with the girls

I'm like, this is a fucking rock star He's got six strippers around them and he's singing his own song and the fucking girls are hanging all over him Like this is fucking beautiful He was one of the reasons I got up on stage like besides prior and danger field and dice and when I would see david interviews How funny he was I love that I love that about I love we just play that video between songs You know what I mean? Like sometimes you go off the deep end, but other times he was really funny You know and shit like that. He wouldn't make me. I'm like, holy shit. I want to do that

He did the 84 or 82 Like 81 MTV music awards and they went up to him. I'll never forget what he said Do you remember he was sitting there with like a blue suit on And they went up to him like Dave and he wears legs like life's like kung fu movie I always love that line. I always listen a couple weeks ago. We came in here. We played just a jiggler like 20 times I love that I made him watch the video like a lead look how brilliant this was To this day, that's one of my top 10 songs and I don't like goofy songs, right? Uncle Joey don't like going but he Yeah, I don't like he pulls it off. I don't like smoking in the boys room

None of that shit. No, no, no, no, no, you know when they redo it. It really pisses me off smoking in the boys room A hot thing, you know, what's that wild thing all that shit drives me. Yeah, it's bad But just a jiggler. Oh when I hear it it puts a smile on my face. It makes me so fucking happy, man Dave pulled it off Jimmy flaunting. I'm happy. We finally got you on. It's been fucking mind boggling just talking about jersey for a few hours It's amazing that we grew up in pretty much the same area went to the same shows Same shows Same craziness from jersey circus magazine

What a fucking time the music was would save me I could honestly music without a doubt same I could Honestly, here we go I can honestly tell you That my mother died and that music picked up If I didn't have that like Sabbath bloody Sabbath I listened to that album for 20 years every day

I listened to that album from probably My first Sabbath album was war pigs. Yeah, but the second one was sabotage Love that's my favorite all and fucking the writ the writ megalomania. Stop stop stop Then I got this third And this took me to a different level like that's how I lived every night I'd go home and I'd go out and if you turn it around and they're at the hospital, aren't they? If you turn Sabbath bloody Sabbath around they're at the hospital like at the cover She's like right now. He's getting haunted with ghosts. Yeah, and the devil showed up. That's us when we leave here

Yeah, but when we get here, it's like right then if you turn it around It's like his family is at the hospital bed I would take acid and look at that cover every night and I would listen to Sabbath bloody Sabbath over and over and over and over It was even today like if I got something I gotta do I don't leave the house without Sabbath that ref that ref where can you run to what more can you do no more tomorrow? Life is killing you. Are you fucking kidding me? Now think about it doing that shit on acid when you're 16 and your mom just died

And I'd sit there at night crying listening to acid listening to that national acrobat over and over And over I was so mad at my stepdad and Sabbath bloody Sabbath was my theme I can't believe I didn't blow his head off the Life goes on, you know what I'm saying? Well when I moved to Florida and between sophomore and junior year My dad decided to move as to Fort Lauderdale. I had left all my friends Childhood friends and shit. I had no friends. They put me in a strict Catholic school Like this private school and I had I was miserable I mean I was fucking the most oppressive I've ever been in my life and die of a madman came out

I would listen to that song Ozzy die of a madman that song every day before I go to school to get me through it Every morning I put that song on I remember that that album came out the first one Blizzard of Oz on the second side We'd start coke and mother mother earth would come up revelation mother and my friends would feel so bad And they'd just pick it up and skip over the song Because they were talking about mothers and I'd be in the room There was like two albums that came out that one and pink floyd has a mother song the wall Right, and they I would always like leave the room like just so they wouldn't feel bad

They would switch the song I'd make believe I gotta go outside and smoke a joint or something I can't uh, I'll never forget my musical memories, man. They just They were so important. I see people today. They don't listen to music no more. They don't know nothing about nothing I watched those I watched that fucking let it skin a video and I and I dreamed that I could be that good on stage one day like to go up on stage and just Uh impose your fucking they just were imposing their will on people Even if you didn't like rednecks you left there going Jesus fucking christ. What did I just see they didn't give a fuck?

No, I got my son. My son seemed 14 shows so far. He's six years old What's his favorite so far? um Probably slipknot He loves to heavy stuff, but he loved but he saw black he saw ecdc. He saw ecdc with brian johnson and axl He saw two different versions of and then he saw black sabbath and he got to meet black sabbath before the show And he was so excited. I'm like, don't we notice or not? And you know what his favorite song is which is the craziest is am I going insane off off a sabotage?

Love it. He loves that song. It came on it came on. Ozzy's bonyard one day goes dad. I like that song I'm like really so he asked when he when he met him I go luke tell Everyone who wrote your favorite song is and he told am I going insane and geese is like, whoa That's a deep cut and tony's like really that one and as he goes, huh? Huh, he's like am I going insane? He's like, huh? And he's like, oh, you didn't know what I was talking about. I see doesn't remember that song from 1975 But that's that's like his favorite song And he loves war pigs iron man fairies wear boots. He's like that black sabbath's got great songs

I used to listen to that fairies wear boots on acid And just live out that whole fucking thing Smoking and tripping is all that you do. I know listen man Sometimes you got to go fucking deep. I'm happy they took me deep. I remember getting hand to doom Pshh, listen, I was doing doom doom doom The winner of my bought that I put away was master reality

I was too young for master reality when I bought it When I heard the pope and I broke. Do you think he's a fool? Right. This is going a little bit too far They've they've cut the line of joey dears when I put it away. But after my mother died I went to get t.h.c. crystal one night. It was like uh February of 80 And I got home and the exorcist was on Like pay tea like regular tv. I don't know if they had hbo. I don't remember and I put the exorcist on But I turned the volume off and I put the earphones on and listened to master reality

On that angel dust. I almost jumped out of fucking window. That was enough for me And ever since that time into the void and lord of this world lord of this world after forever Oh my children of the grave. I mean this song's a just part of who the fuck? I don't know a lot of people listening going joey What the fuck are you and jim talking about man? I feel bad if you didn't have music growing up around you like I feel bad for you like my my whole life is a fucking

music library like when I look at the cover of of uh The b-52s, you know when I look at this It brings me back to a time where as sad as I was This made me happy Like as sad as my heart was yeah all those years of all those shows It would take me away for three hours like I wouldn't think of my mother or not having a family or Not getting social security. It really wasn't the drugs. It was that fucking music that would take me away

So when you play it on the show and talk about it, I love it. I'm in the car with the baby. I'll fucking blast something That's great So Friday at eight o'clock melrose improv tickets are still available go to the link and sadly you're at the ms The ms uh benefit show Everyone going up there jam and every rock store will be there. You'll be there Tickets still available tickets still available. Los angeles theater. Okay And my podcast lee how you feeling over there on my comedy special, you know what I put one out in december A simple man now where is they get a skinnered it's up on amazon itunes. Okay. Yeah, you have it on your web page also

Yeah, they can get it there. Yeah, they get direct there too. So how you feeling over there, buddy? How many stars did you do tonight? We did 10 stars. Okay, so you did 2 000 milligrams. What's the difference between tonight? Monday and your behavior on saturday when you told The general public no I'm lost tonight. No. No. Look how you are tonight. I'm lost tonight and I was monday night anyway Trying to bullshit me trying to fucking insult the fucking audience of the church of what's happening How dare you? I would never insult them. I took 10 legitimate stars

We're gonna see from now on. I'm gonna get them stamped from our friend You gotta get them stamped because last week you were not this high when I called you He does them on prayer. We used to eat these chocolate bars. I gave up edibles for lent But that don't mean that he's jewish you could do them on sundays though Yeah, you know, there's a new rule at length whatever you gave up you could do on sunday I don't want to do Going straight to the end. I got to do this. I'm old school cat. Like I'm not one of these fucking Catholics and residual what do you call them?

These people part time like last week last friday was same patty's day. I don't eat corned beef I love corned beef. So you only eat meat on friday. No, I gave up I tried as much as I don't do dick I don't do dick. Why can't I give him something fucking for eight weeks on friday? So on friday is I just eat fish this friday. I'm taking my wife on a date. I'm going over to That fucking chinese place and I'm gonna get the uh seabass chinese style. I'm already thinking about it That's how I do at least I am you know what I'm saying Way before the game. I'm already thinking about what I'm eating. I'm fucking that's a professional fucking do it. Do you follow me?

I hear you Sure. Anyway, I like to introduce league legacy box to the podcast The beauty about this is that we all have pictures or Your parents made super eight. Remember when we were growing up and porn was super eight? Yeah Now they don't have super eight But there's people that still have super eight because they had cameras and they taped their kids It's people that are eight like our parents would still have that stuff, you know

What was the last time you watched your home movies? If you're like most americans there's a box in your closet of videotapes film reels Photos that get washed or taken out worse. They're actually deteriorating You know the idea I was looking at a picture me and my mom When I was like three or four and I could see That the colors were kind of weird like the colors were starting I didn't do nothing with it. My wife made great copies Well, if you want to save all these pictures and get all your stuff to look like the day you took them

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Based off, you know let It looks really cool. It's really fucking cool because my mom had that issue because when she when she moved We had 8,000 vhs tapes and I would have loved to have kept those and some of them She gave to people but some of them had to get thrown away This would have been a perfect solution for because I think I think it's just as simple as you just put it in the box Put it in the box and you just send it to them. You just send it out. They take care of the rest I got the box today. So again, go to legacy box dot com slash joey To get 40 percent discount on your order and then maybe tell me till I think thumb drives would probably be better

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Go to zeal dot com or zeal's iphone or android app and get a special offer when you try zeal today at the promo code Church and check out to get 25 hours off your first in-home on-demand massage I want to thank zeal Legacy box as my main people on it dot com And i'll see you motherfuckers next week Don't forget about my man jimmy florentine friday night the improv Saturday night at the ms benefit at the la la theater boom and i'm at levity live next weekend Up there in west nyak starting thursday cocksuckers. Don't forget about me and 420 at levity and oxnard

I love you guys stay black. Have a great weekend. We'll see you cocksuckers next week Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh To be white