Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #468 - Wheeler Walker Jr.
Episode Date: March 29, 2017Wheeler Walker Jr, a country music singer, whose new album "Ol' Wheeler" is being released on June 2nd, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:  Lyft - Sig...n up to drive at Lyft.com/joey and find out how you qualify to get a $500 new driver bonus.  Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order of portable devices that spray your butt with water. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 03/27/2017.
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Hmm uncle Joey here bitches listen, let's start this party off right
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Whether the ride the driver they got the purple light in front now a little light in front to let you know
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Terms apply number two, but days are back
There's no reason to walk around with a stinky fucking pussy and a stinky fucking asshole all embarrassed and shit
Somebody wants to hear your ass. You gotta call time out and go take a whiff fuck that but days are back and the church
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Shit
We'll walk the junior in the house
American by Burton Southern by the grace of God. There you go. Everything I do. I do it, right?
New York and California, you can go and have your fun, but down here. I got a list of what I like
They can take
Interest
There you go cocksuckers the church of what's happened now
Wheeler Walker, Jr. Lee sciat hit the siren cocksucker. Let these people know what time it is
You're slipping already. See it should have been portable my uncle. He almost fucking died. He almost
There you go, it's all over
Uncle Joe is here and he ain't bringing the fucking cops you had them there waiting for me cocksucker
Anyway
Monday or whatever the fuck you gonna listen to this shit Wednesday
March 29th my main man to you. It's a pleasure to have you on man. I'm such a fan. So I'm so happy to be here
I appreciate it. I'll tell you what I've never been on a lot of podcasts a decent amount
I've never had this much fun this early. Oh, please this guy. I mean we're in the we're in the first fucking minute
And where it's our we're in the big-time partying. Oh, yeah
We know we have we have to have fun here
And you know you like you were like the nicest person that's ever come in here
I come here and I cough I've puked on people like next to people before I thought you were dying
And you get I took one one long hit. He was ready to call the police
He caught mine as well. No, this guy coughed for fucking half an hour. Oh my god, his face was beat
Beat red like those stars. How many stars did you turn? I had two of the transmission fluids
Well, you gotta eat five more stars get the part of six seven more stars. It's Monday night
We ain't fucking around tonight. We look came all the way up from Tennessee. Not that you know
I want to see this guy fucking dead. Yeah. No, no, you have no idea
We we we got an ambulance on the call right now hit the buzzer hit the fucking siren cock second
We got the ambulance on call here to the day you go
We got noise effects and everything for you tonight, we're going deep into the murky waters
How was your weekend Lisa? I had a good weekend. What did I do this weekend?
You know what actually I went to Santa Monica on Friday. You walked around did I actually went to Santa Monica?
I went up and I I like an idiot. I was a few minutes late
I missed seeing actually Willie do this the show, but I got to see him after he had two great shows
That I was told that I was great that I suppose the ice house is fucking great
I don't know small so much fun intimate the drinks are good. Oh my god. The staff is friendly. Nobody bust your balls
What'd you do last weekend brother?
Me I saw some I saw some fucking country music actually some good yet. You ever heard Nikki Lane?
She's really good. You gotta check her out. Did you watch her in Nashville here? I was here
I got here a few days early. She played she just played the L Ray and fucking packed house
prettiest girl and she uh
She can sing her ass off and the band was great, and uh
She might
Am I gonna get myself in trouble? She might be singing on my new record, but I don't know if I'm supposed to sing
Now your new record comes out
June 2nd that new record or another another no no we're June 2nd that one comes out the new one and uh
the
That's the one that she may or may not sing. I'm like forget if I'm allowed to sing
Now the first time I saw you was on Rogan. I listened to the jam I
Went to a friend's house two weeks ago to watch a fight and one of his buddies was in he goes
Have you seen this band?
Something's sad, but they put mask on I go turn it off
Like I only want to hear that shit. You know I'm saying like I don't like that shit
I like music you want to play music play fucking music. That's why I'm a fan you you love all the shit
I love you know like a skinnered Sabbaths, you know that real real shit. Yeah
It's crazy like whenever I get confused
About what what I'm supposed to do
I'll read a book or something a rat little bit and I put on scanner
And I'll put on one of the shows they didn't like one of the videos from the shows they did in England
One of the shows in Oakland or the black and white one from asbury park, New Jersey
I'll watch all that shit for hours at three in the morning like when I don't need to be doing something
And I wake up in the middle of the night all fucking dazzle
And what I get from it is
They didn't give a fuck
That's why they were that good. Well, that's the crazy when I was that's the bottom line
What's crazy is out when I was when I was in high school in Kentucky was like
Skinner wasn't cool. It was like there were rednecks and there were like
Super rednecks, you know, like you didn't want to be like the
like it was almost like
Skinnered was like
The not cool band and then you you then after school you're like
You don't you play it. You're like how the fuck did I miss out on this the best fucking shit I ever heard
Like you I was it today you you tweeted about Simple Man recently
Yes today today. Yeah. Is there a better fucking song than that? No, there isn't no, there isn't it's just perfection
You know, but I like that other one too that the whiskey bottle
Brand new car oak tree you're in my way. Who comes up with that?
Yeah, it doesn't seem like they just got fucked up in jammed kind of for a while
Whatever they did was working like whatever they were doing. Yeah
I mean those first especially to me the first two records are like there's not a bum note
I mean, there's they're both perfect records like they were musicians when I watched that video
I love watching musicians Tuesday's gone. You like that Tuesday's gone. I love that song. I love watching musicians
like I loved the whole
Watching the drummer
No, watch the bass player for a while
I watched a guitar player and then in my mind I try to figure out how the fuck are they putting all together
The brilliance that you have
Is the lyrics I fucking love all that shit. Thanks, man. My biggest
Not fear nothing like that my biggest envy is people who could write lyrics
I think that's the toughest fucking thing. I'll tell you what, you know, I'm trying to you know
When I tried it because people come to me now. They want me to write songs for other artists and I'll try to do it
My thing was I wasn't trying to be funny
It was just like I was so fucking when I made that record and you I think you can hear on the record the first one
Read next shit, which I do a plug. It's only 599 on itunes. How about that?
That's fucking cheap cheap
I was I was like, I just I don't want to fucking take like usually you write a song the way you probably write your joke, you know
Although you don't have to but I usually you look right fuck shit like you can't sit down right you exit out
So I was like, I'm just gonna make a record where I'm not gonna fucking x out any of the bad
I'm just gonna if I'm paying for myself. I'm just gonna record it the way I want to
Do it and I
And of course I look back at the band the studio guys and they're just fucking on the floor laughing
You know because like you're not supposed to sing fuck you bitch in the song. You don't
How you gonna get on the radio? I'm like, I'm not gonna get on the radio. Anyway, may as well sing what I want to sing, you know
Oh, you uh, you were saying like you don't want to be a redneck like I come from I'm from boston and
Up there like it's there's a real
Negative look on like the whole south. So like it's weird. It's interesting to hear even in the south
You don't want to be like seen as well. It's weird. Yeah, it's kind of like it's almost like family. It's like when I'm in
When I was in kentucky, I didn't want to be too much of a redneck then I'm when I'm out here in LA all of a sudden I'm the
Most southern guy you've ever met, you know, it's like don't make fun of the fuck, you know
especially I hear you know LA is like very
Uh, what's the I mean? I don't want to say I don't get into politics like liberal
But it's like, you know, it's like whole another world and they make fun of like the red states
They look down. They look they naturally
Look down these fucking muts
out here naturally
Look down on that and it's something that's
Not uh, they don't talk about it's something that's in their DNA
Yeah, it's like it's in their DNA like if you say you're from kentucky or
Tennessee or alabama out here
They they giggle
Yeah, remember they did that to my brother. My brother went off to school and he was like
I remember I'd never heard this joke before but some guy came up to me and your your phone bills must be so high
He's like why he's like because you talk so slow on the phone
He's back when you had to pay your fucking phone bills by the minute
And I never even I didn't know he had an accent
It's like, you know, when you're in it when you're in kentucky, you don't he to me
My family didn't have an accent then you lead the state and all of a sudden everyone's calling you a redneck you you get
It hits you really fast. You're like, oh fuck. I'm the dude. I was making fun of back when I was a kid. You know, I got it
By the age of like nine or ten
I got it. I was living in new york city, but I go to florida
Isn't it weird sometimes that the florida's the south you forget I go to florida
And they had kids that were moving from
The redneck parts of florida
Like the parents got into drug dealing or the father became a pilot or something because that too was doing all the the fucking mule and
Yeah, but badass rednecks and shit
and
I went to his house once or something. They were playing music, but my mom played
Country music at the bar. She had a couple songs. I can't remember who today
I know she she personally Johnny cashed my mom
Yeah, I mean she took me to the movies to see that movie when it came out in 40 seconds
We went together
So she personally liked Johnny cash, so I always liked it when I became enthralled with it is with sports
I saw how the people that I grew up with acted and I saw how the people in texas
When they watch the football game how they act, what's the difference?
They're both fans
But in texas it seemed like their
Their heart was really into it
Where the people I hung out what we're doing if for gambling purposes or to where the jersey so yeah, that's that was gonna say that
Where I come from there was there was no gambling. It was like which is a weird thing when you get to bigger cities
It's all about gambling like
You didn't need people would kill themselves over the games without the fucking they didn't they didn't need get they didn't need to
raise the stakes at all man. It's like
Kentucky just lost in the tournament sunday and
I got on the phone with my with my nephew and he was crying his ass off. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, no, it's real
And I remember like watching
The thing that really pushed me over the top was watching Earl Campbell
On monday night football and how those people would get pom poms
And when he scored they would all sing that song
Houston oil isn't there all their fucking pom pons and I couldn't wait to go to texas
and I would ask people
You know like uh
Adults in jersey. I want to go to texas and they'd say, what are you fucking crazy?
They'll kill you down there there or initial
reaction was always ill
You know, that's the way they're programmed. It's nothing against them. They just see it that way
That's just a bunch of red next time they don't get it. Yeah, I feel like it
Don't you think it's kind of getting getting worse with this last election? I feel like it's kind of I don't want to again
I don't mean to steer into politics, but I feel like as of late the the uh
The quote-unquote red neck has been part of the news even it's like you it's always every news and I don't I'm with you
I don't I if I wouldn't ever watch the news again. I'll be happy
It's like it's you dopes who fuck who fucking voted for him. It's your fucking, you know, it's like now look what you did
Everyone's they're yelling at him. You know, that's that's all I see
That's the worst fucking thing in the world that's going on right now. It's the worst. It's not even
It's not even funny anymore. It's not even funny. It's not even worth putting your tv on anymore
Really isn't
Whether it's cnn whatever the fuck you put on it's 15 minutes of this shit
People fucking scream it's 15 minutes of this shit. I can't I don't even watch it no more
I live for five o'clock news and six thirty news. I stopped
I stopped world news tonight. That's it. No more. It's not even but to to go back to your question
My wife's in Tennessee
Yes, you were saying and I've been with my wife since 1999 and when I first met my wife
My wife was trying to act
And met her out here. Yeah, and she always came home with a story
And I know from you know
It's like when you try to talk to a girl go listen, you got a reputation to sucking dicks
And she'll go, what are you talking about? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about
I hang out with six guys and you sucked all six of the dicks
Okay, what do you think we don't fucking talk? It's like
They act it's like I had a friend here that had a mexican chick living not living in a house, you know
cleaning her house
And every time I go over there
If there were people there they'd act like the woman wasn't even in the fucking room
Yeah, that's not no it was like a natural thing for them. It's not their fault
It's not their fault. It's it's a natural
Thing in you that you look upon them or you look down on them
And I think the same thing happens with people out here people in the east coast, especially
How they're looking people from the south. I always got it. I I love this
Listen, that was your first thing you said to me. He said you were you said you're a cuban
I'm a cuban. I want to find out what that was cuba
It's even more south than fucking man. I never thought about that. That's number one. I'm a southerners can fucking be
Number two, I appreciate
And I love everything about the culture
And I get the fucking culture, you know
I get the culture I get my wife
Listen, I don't really want to go visit my wife's family in back
I can't lie to you. It's four days of fucking torture. There's only one thing I go back for and that's the leaves fried chicken in the Walmart
The best Walmart in the world. I got two sweaters from Walmart seven years ago american made
They've gone through two laundry machines. They're the best sweaters I got
I buy all my shit when I go back to Tennessee. All that fat man clothes. You got to buy it in Tennessee
That's what they're making good. I will say that
Oh, not really on topic, but la is at least
I actually like new york city for me
I'm not even joking when I say this
I don't think I've been there 10 times in my life
Like I went there once as a kid and I fucking flipped when you go from kentucky to new york city for the first time
It's quick. It's just like it's fast brother. It looks
I freaked out like I'd never seen homeless people. I'd never seen there's like stereo stores on every fucking corner
I was with my grandma from who she's from Nashville. She was from Nashville
We went there and we we had dinner and there was like a window right here
And some homeless dude just walked up right to us. Just drop fucking dropped his drawers while we were eating dinner
I think it was probably the first dick I saw besides mine and I'm sitting there with my grandma trying to eat a fucking burger
I was probably 10 or 11. She's like, you know, you need to go see a big city
but at least
And even and I'm saying this is like, you know, I'm being honest like the big buildings and it's fucking flip
It freaked me out, man. That's not I haven't lived there in 20 years
Because I was listening to what was it last week you the gym. Was it gym floor? Yeah, gym floor
Who I know, you know from stern. I mean, I don't know him, but I hear heard him on stern a lot
Um
You that's why I love this to this show because I listen to you guys talk about new york city like specific blocks and shit
I don't know new york city for my asshole. I listen to the whole two hour podcast
If you guys talking about little bars and shit, you you know
I was like it reminded me. I don't know. I gotta go explore new york a little bit. I haven't spent much time on this off
Is it doesn't seem like the same country
As like when you go to new york and la like just the way you like it just almost seems like we shouldn't be the same
country like not not in any negative way, but just you're gonna get yourself in trouble here. Um, it's crazy
I think I get it. I think it's the way
Probably for you. I mean for me like I said for me new york city didn't seem like the same fucking country when I visited
But probably for some if you if you're from new york, sitting you go to kentucky. I assume it's fucking feels
crazy
You feel when I was a kid that went from miami from new york city to miami
And even the miami was a big city then
Not as big as it is now. I would get a little
You know, you go to the store and do a drive-thru store and get milk or whatever
I travel every week
And I'll tell you what saves me
Just when I go to the different states
It lets me know that my hope is still alive that people still think
The way I do in some cases
You know, I do well
In nashville, you said you're playing lexington. Yeah, I'm doing lexington the last time I did lexington some guy ran out
I said i'm a christian. Fuck you fat boy
Some shit like that
But none of that stuff bothered like none of that I never looked at it like that
I got what lee meant to say in a way, which is true
When you go to new york to fucking when you go from new york to to uh
Uh
Jackson tennessee, which by the way, I gotta tell you something about jackson tennessee
I had some of the best spaghetti I've ever had in my life
In jackson tennessee. See I've had great pizza in nashville
My mind is open. Well, nashville is basically a big city. Yeah, my mind is open where a lot of peoples isn't
You play nashville. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I developed as a canal 15 years ago. I couldn't play nashville
Well, that's a different that's a difference. It was a different nashville. It was a little bit more christian
I bombed I saw dug standhold bomb. I said this I'll never come back to nashville
Yeah, because my my all my all the my mom's side of my family's from there
So I've been going there since I was a kid before I moved there
And when I was a kid, it was a ghost town
And you might see crystal gale at the grocery or loretta lin walking around and nowadays it's fucking it's turning to vegas
Stephen tyler, it's fucking amazing. How many people live in nashville?
Yeah, we had ralfie man here a couple weeks ago and he was saying how it's amazing
It's like it like he loves it. Oh, yeah, it's ralf. I gotta is he cool. I don't know him
Yeah, he's a good. He's uh, he wanted to do some shows with me. Um
I don't
My problem is the agents call so and so wants to do a show and I just won't get back to him
But he wanted to do some shows. I should probably get back to him if he's cool
Yeah, he's cool as fuck. You have a good time
But no, that's how I look at like I I was always open-minded to it
I developed as a comic in the state of texas
I own the state of texas a lot
Name it because we when I was a kid we lived in houston for a couple years from lubbock
To el Paso to victoria
To to corpus christi to houston to dallas to adison to austin or no the austin conroe
Pasadena texas bowmont texas
Texas was very good to me man. There's bands. I know there's artists. I know who
Who you literally no one I
Aren't listening would have ever heard of
Who are country musicians who are millionaires in texas and they don't lead the state they they just tour texas. No, that's it
It's like its own country texas is here as a comic you could spend a month and a half in texas
Well, you could I bet there's plenty of comics too. We're just only play texas and make millions. I bet
You know, they have a lot of little rooms that
Those agents won't call me. You know, they have a lot of rooms that other comics have that i'm not aware of
But I developed in texas. Oh, I didn't know that
I never really went to alabama
I went to a couple spots in louisiana. I did well in tupelo
One time maybe 15 years ago as a feature act
I ate dick in new olines, but new olines ain't no motherfucking comedy city
And uh, where else?
Clark
Tennessee I ate a bag of dicks and a fucking army base. Yeah, I opened up
I didn't have the money to pay the band. So I opened up for David on cove and chat nuga
Just me with an acoustic guitar and fucking
Yeah, I ate a bag of dicks there. I mean, that's like
There's two it's two. It's almost like you it's like it's almost there was no not enough noise
Now chat nuga's a college time
No, I don't think so
I don't know
Yeah
What's in chat nuga university of
Tennessee. No, that's noxville
Noxville, you're right
Chat nuga was has the trains but that
Chat nuga actually used to be almost bigger than national because had the chat nuga chuchu used to be the place to be
Now noxville was good to me too. They got a good record store in noxville haven't been there again in 15 years
this is
I'll say even for me as a country musician, you know
In all if it makes you feel better the more almost deep south I go the less the audiences show up just because
You know like I can sell out a show in LA
Because you only got to sell to one percent of the fucking city
Once you get down to like lower south in small towns like
To sell out the gig everyone in towns go to fucking show up. It's it's just tougher
It's like they're not on the internet. They're on twitter. They don't give a fuck about that shit. So
Even with country music, it's tough. Now when you go to national and play a lot of people show up
Yeah, decent. Well, we're doing
Can I do my second plug?
We're doing three dates to three record release shows june 2nd and nashville
at the exit in june 6th
New york city bowie ballroom never been there. Is it cool? You know never been there june 8th la troubadour. You guys want to come?
Yeah, june 8th
That one night is that a thursday? I have no fucking idea something if it looks like I got a date and bray
I got I got bray that week. Well, if you got some time we got an opening band
You can do it do a little some joke. Yeah. No, no, no do it some jokes between them here in june 8th. I'll go watch
Absolutely, I'll go watch it the troubadour because the antennas is right next door. So trust me. It's easy
It was pretty good for country music. I heard in the old days
Well, isn't that where the eagle started and we were on stat. Yeah, a lot of that kind of that which is that country
I don't know. But yeah, no, yeah, I think so easy listening is what they called it. Yeah, I hate that term
But yeah, I guess it was it, you know, you can't deny that eagles have good songs, but I'm
Uh, yeah, that's where all that shit started in the band. I love flying burrito brothers. You ever listen to that?
Yeah, a while back
Grand Parsons and all that shit that was all uh troubadour I think
We did that we played it on our last tour
I remember because I love guns and roses and guns and roses just played there for like to warm up for the show
He's explained to me how like axl would come back for his like is like
Uh, well, what's it called? Is it pep talk costume changes and I don't know if I'm supposed to say but like he would take his like oxygen
Puffs and shit back there. I don't know
Yeah, when you you know that guy moves around a lot
The troubadour was probably that warm-up gig. That's not a big spot. Is it?
No, it was really small
It was cool cool to be there like a week or so after uh axl and the gang at home and we're there
Now, how long have you been playing music?
I mean I've been playing music my whole life, but um
And you composed all these songs
Yeah, yeah, uh
There were there were 11 songs on the redneck shit the first record the one you like which I again, I appreciate
Um, I wrote all those myself
There's 11 on the new one
That's coming out June 2nd and I wrote all I wrote all those except for three. I co-wrote with friends
So I don't think I don't sing anything. I I'll play like a wailing song or wailing cover live
I'll do a couple covers live it
I don't record anything that don't write when you do the wailing songs
You throw a little zinger in there just a while I do I purposely do one that people don't know that well
It's called outlaw. Shit. It's one of my favorite songs ever. Um and wailing and actually my
My buddy who did my records actually did this did that it was actually they finished it after he passed away
um
And shooter Jennings where he did it with my Dave Cobb an amazing producer who did my records
And so the guys who
Because I played the song because the guys I knew in the in the in my band had played on the record
It's like i'm gonna play fucking wailing with the guys who played with wailing
And I found out later that they fucking
This dude didn't even fucking play on the record
Now do you work texas a lot still
No, a little bit. I'm gonna do I'll bet I'll do more this year
But when you go down there, where do you play?
Well, we this that you know
That's weird doing music because you don't when the first album comes out
You don't know how big do you play a hundred 200 a thousand five we played like probably 500 ish rooms
You know what fucking sucks and I we played a lot of these like I don't know if there's an equivalent in comedy
But we played a lot of these fucking like um
They have like a house of blues, which I fucking it's all you know, it's like
Like
The almost like the fucking uh chilies of music clubs
Although I do like chilies, um
And then they're like the main room in the second we put a lot of second like the second rooms where you're like
We do a sound check and they're like
Hey, man, you got a uh mic for a kick drum
I'm like, I don't know. It's like oh shit. They're using it upstairs. Like it was like leftovers almost
I think they use it mainly for like fucking parties and what they call that room. There's a room for that at all
I don't know the house of blues, but that's what I call my
I call my I call my agent I go where don't play don't put me any more fucking shows
Where they're selling blues brothers dvds. That's my new rule
If they're selling the blues brothers dvd or they're selling
Or if they're selling top hats with a black fucking suit and tie, I don't want to play there
nothing against the blues brothers, but like
It's not
The best fucking sound in the world. No, well, they all have those uh when I was in Louisiana shooting one time
I called my agent I go, yeah, I want to do Louisiana. Is there anything in New Orleans?
He goes, yeah, there's a house of blues. I'll get you a number for the room
It was it was only sat 114 people
That's it
I was like I have to do 22 shows
I might as well do that this little and they wanted a ton of loot. So I had to do that a little theater right in the heart of
Yeah, though we played New Orleans was the craziest gig we got him right before the fucking show because it's like some
There was some accident on the highway and we got him right
It was actually trying to be a great gig, but there weren't that many people there. It was like
It's like you're in fucking jazz, you know, you can see any music you want. It's hard to like
grab a
Grab an audience when there's like
Fucking graze jazz and I feel like you can fucking grab any audience
Like they'll be at a bar looking at the fucking college game
And they'll go what the fuck did he just say?
Yeah, well, that's the thing is you got it
But you got you got to get people to know about it
The problem is and where I had a blast last time was with like
The scene you guys know which I didn't really know about which is
I'm gonna
So I put out this dirty record. I'm like, I'm not censoring you and then I was like
my people my fucking people which just won fucking doofus was like
That we there's no radio. There's no nothing when I come out here. I do rogan. I do
You know
Like fit Simmons. I do all these podcasts and shit. It's like
That was bigger than any of my friends who'd ever done fucking the tonight show or any of that shit
There's this underground thing you do youtube channels and shit like that. It's like
The world is fucking opened up to um
And I'll tell you right now that I actually just sent a shot of message to rogan before I came over here to tell him
that I was coming here, but
He's like doing like 50 nights on the tonight show
Yeah, no, it's like that. That's a nice row Joe Rogan's
Show is like doing an HBO special
For a comic if you go on there
And fucking kill it. You know today. I was really upset. I've been upset all day till I came here to see you tonight
Yeah, I cheer all up. I got home like a 430
I'm trying to pitch a fucking tv show, you know, and it's like
I gotta tell you in the middle of pitching it
I'm like do I even want to fucking do this?
Do I really want to even do this well, then why you know, I was it your to start with you?
Yeah, it's it's a it's a show of pitching. It's a great show. It's great written
But there's times I'm sitting there going. Why do I want a tv show? That's fucking work
Isn't it weird how that happens? Yeah, that's work if I want to do anything
I might as well come in here every night at eight o'clock
And do an eight o'clock fucking tonight show you get a band to get a house band
Get a fucking studio. That's what I want to do is go on here from eight
Why the fucking watch it? I think I don't think we had this on the air
But I saw you when I was out here doing press and I did I told you I did fit Simmons podcast
And they invited me out to do uh
To watch go to a show at the impromptu like I'll go and all these fucking
Kind of cool comedians. Galifandakis, Sarah Silverman all came on stage and you came on stage. I'd never heard of you before
And
You told me just now that you were felt a little out of place
Which you look I was like, I don't know if this guy fits in with the bill
And then five minutes in I'm like my new favorite comedy
Right here is the funniest fucking shit I've ever heard because it was like mixed in with all that kind of weird kind of stuff
was like, all right, this is
This is what it's almost like pure country music. It's like this is what I like fucking jokes
No, I had to go out and heavy that night. They weren't so you remember the gig
Oh, please I know the gig because that guy from that guy's called me
And said what the fuck was that tonight? You know Brody called me and said Zach called me said that
That was the craziest set he ever saw in his life. I had to go take him from him. I don't have time
Oh, dude, you came on and you fucking locked the floor. Yeah, I mean it was it was
It was it was like watching Hendricks. I mean the hollywood improv is very pc
Oh, yeah, they try to pc it on you for certain shows and that show they try to be ha ha and he he
And you know what? I'm not going down to hell for you to be ha ha and he again
I go back to you had that you had a fucking attitude that in a great way
Like kind of like fuck all you fuckers for for even showing up or laugh. That's that's kind of what I love
Well, again, we go back to skinning
76 at the Oakland Coliseum. Look at them on stage. Look at the singer
You didn't give a fuck. Yeah, he didn't jump around. He didn't show you his tattoos
His hair wasn't combed. He probably smelled like a billy goat
They were drinking Budweiser out of a can at the end watch. He just ends the songs like this
There's no jumping up and down and acting like you gotta fuck nothing
Yes, the art of art of not giving a fuck. I think with my first record. I was like you eliminate that
They're like, can we they asked me for a bleeped version
I go, I own the fucking record. No, there's no bleep version because I go
I don't care if it sells and then it started taking off and I'm like
Then you got to watch yourself because then I started you start to care
You're like, fuck, should I have have should I have a bleeped version?
Then you gotta be like then you gotta be like fucking love that little
Your original thought
Is the right fucking instinct, you know, you you it's when we double check ourselves that we fuck up
It's when you listen to people which is hard. That's hard to be hard these days because everyone has access to you, you know
No, well
The problem that you have especially in our situation
This is the podcast that we started from a ground road situation
And we've gone through all the hurdles ourselves like you did you follow these hurdles?
Yeah, and then it gets to a point that you have this growth
And now people are coming in and fucking with your growth
Oh, dude. Yeah, they fuck with your growth
and
Unless you tell them knock it off. This ain't gonna work unless you do it my way
I've been doing this since day one. You're a johnny come lately type of motherfucker. And now you want to give orders
It doesn't work
Oh, Nashville's trying like not even a joke. They're trying to fucking shut me down right now
They don't they don't like what and I think they like the language is less of a problem than the fact that I'm doing
Independently and put it not myself. I think that's the that's a pistol. That's a piece of the action
They're like, you know, why don't you come to this big fucking label and I'm like fuck that
I don't I want to because if I
Where were you when I needed you dog?
Where were you when I came in and you told me that that wouldn't sell
That that wouldn't get radio play get the fuck out of here. Where were you? You want nobody you showed up when I had a million heads
Anybody could show up when you had a million fucking downloads and the and the record is oh, yeah, I know
I met I met with those fucking dudes who like how about one version where you say instead of fuck you bitch?
How about miss you girl? I'm like, I'm that's not what I'm that's not what I'm trying to say
Yeah, no, no, no they have listen
They don't understand the power of the internet today
They don't understand that and I don't want to harp on this
But it's a reality the first 90 days
Trump had
by talking the truth
This country's ready for the language. It's part of the country
That's still not ready. You know, they're trying to make believe. They don't know what we're talking about
Like you don't fuck your fucking secretary in the ass behind your wife's back
But if I say tit you get offended go fuck yourself
You know I'm saying you're banging your fucking babysitter you disgusting fucking savage
But if I say suck my dick on stage
You actually go back and ask for your $10 back. You measly fuck. Yeah, it's fucking those are the people that piss me to fuck off
That they're they're here. This is what I'm surrounded with
Yeah, it's fucking bullshit because I'm like why can't because I had that argument with my new record
I was talking about and
Again, not to get on this like
I I watched meet the press in the morning on NBC and they're talking about and they're showing a clip of the
President talking about grabbing pussy. Why can't I play fuck you bitch on the rate or play pussy king on the fucking radio?
And you don't even argue with them. Okay
Yeah, no worries
What happens what I didn't realize before I turned out I was smarter than I thought it was an accident
I was like, well, then don't you can't have it when you say you can't have it. No everybody wants it
Yeah, it's really crazy how even with the podcast we're not our agents are starting but all their advice
is bad
All their advice is bad
They have a couple good things that they pop up with
That you could independently test on your own without them if you catch my drift
But their ideas
They just want to burn you up
You know after this next album number two the second album you put out and it's number one again
The whole thing. I hope it does. No knock on what it is. It will it will because we need this right now
Yeah, well, that was my that's my goal is I've never cared about the charts, but I'm like
I want a number one country record just to fucking just to fuck with them. No, listen. Remember you said no
Here you go. You know Madonna years ago 10 years ago
Raffled off all her rejection letters
This is cheaper running for the hills
And she read them
This is what lisa yad said president of icom. You're a worthless bitch. You'll never work in this town. You know
Who said that knows like uh
Madonna read all her rejection letters from back in the day
What the right ripped the record executives said and where they are today
And people said she couldn't sing and all that shit. She raffled them off the charity years ago
Something weird to do because every I think every artist has the same thing is
People think, you know
Like you watch them on tv is like, oh, they got so much money. They don't care
But you take it more personally than fucking anybody
You know, like I understand keeping all your rejection letters. I still got you know
I remember every motherfucker who told me I couldn't this album wouldn't sell or I couldn't do what I was doing
I remember like I know their face. I know their name. I know their family. I know everything
Or you remember for the rest of your life. Yeah, you never forget it
And you know, what's crazy that when you get to a certain level you want to walk up to them and rub it in their face
But at that time
You go, you know what I want and he knows it. There's nothing he could do. He could look me in the eye
And now he could tell me how he's gonna book me
You know what I'm saying what he needs to book me and how he's missed me
And how he always believed in me. It's amazing. I was the only one who believed in you
Yeah, and you know what you like
I could be the type of guy that could go go fuck yourself
There's some people who I have said that to
But there's some people who you know what remember a couple years ago. You don't want to pay me
Well, no, you gotta pay me. Yeah, I'm not that I said I'm with you. I tend not to not yeah
You cannot you cannot hold the grudge because somebody didn't
Pay attention though because you were a little older or because you're fat or something like that. It's amazing
Right now. I talked to our friend Tommy Easter
And Tommy's is a funny guy from the south
Just like you
He doesn't understand
What I see like when Tommy's is from Atlanta
And he's country. You know what I am. Yeah, so when he walks into this improv and this communist on these places
They look at you with
So I said to him eliminate that
Go get a commercial agent
You're a country boy. You're gonna book every fucking country boy commercially shoot
And then you walk in there and it's a complete different ball game. Yeah, I got an offer for a big commercial
I'm so fucking pissed about it. Yeah, I said they took it back
I'm saying is why I'm so pissed
But they won this it was like it was I won't say the name of the company with some burger chain
They had this new fucking uh like bourbon bacon
burger, you know with like burger with like fucking
It was a burger with like fucking bourbon and cheese. Yeah, just shit asshole, you know, right that
Pig's assholes, whatever in it. Yeah
Barbecue sauce that's like eating fucking
Fucking sperm sauce and they're like and they were like we don't think you do it
But if you know, you know, you're not selling I said fucking take them. I'm like, yeah, I'm in and they cancel
I think they probably heard this didn't listen to the record because I talked crazy. I was that was it and then they then all
sudden that next thing I know the fucking um
Commercial deal is done, but I would I was ready to sell out right there
You know, I could just imagine
When they those four guys hit
The country dudes years ago
How many people you know the dude uh, yeah my my hometown run white and uh and
Bill Engvall and
You know larry the cable guy, you know larry the cable guy changes persona and stuff like that whatever but
I could just see people going that's not going to work. They're red. Yeah, my fuck you. It's not gonna work
My hometown is they have a rup arena, which is where the kentucky play basketball 23 000 people
Jeff fox really comes in sells out the fucking place with a microphone the gig probably cost him 20 dollars and he makes
A fucking million flies in flies right after the gig of his own personal plane
So we were we were talking earlier about how like maybe a lot of people in different places don't listen to country
Or don't really understand the south
Why are there people like you and jeff fox like jeff fox worthy? I had his cd up in boston. No way
I'd never been to the south. I had his cd because that's where I goes back to what I was saying before
In kentucky, you didn't listen to it because it was like wasn't cool
It was local shit, you know
I watched he haw
When I came from cuba religiously and I got it. I liked it. I enjoyed it
I didn't know I was gonna end up marrying he haw
You know saying but that's not the goal of the show. Oh, no. No, I'm married listen
My the first time I took my niece
To dinner in natural me my wife my niece and the baby we went and we got went to jimmy d's this little
medium rainstake house no big deal
My my niece asked me if she should get the gun
Because when we valet parked the man was taking your car
That's how country she is damn
That country my wife is fucking country jack and all she needs to do is call her parents in the morning for the first time
I live with he haw
Then once she takes the kid to school and goes back to Ralph it smoothens out
For a little while back to regular tv. Yeah, right the right back to regular program
But he all gets a bad rap, but I'll tell you what they they had some killer music on that show
I watched all those episodes. I was like killing it. Fuck. Yeah
Fuck. Yeah, some of that great. I'm great guitar playing too. It's like they had to ruin it with some of those lame jokes, but I mean
I heard they were bringing it back and I was like
No, I heard they're bringing it back. I was like, I want to host a new he haw then I realized it would be shit
So they still do mad tv or they cancel it. I think they just brought it back
They brought it back, but they didn't cancel it. I don't think so. Maybe I can check
No, Adam raised on it and me or k. I didn't hear anything else about it
But no, you never know. Yeah, you're right. They probably bring back he haw with somebody Puerto Rican
They just brought back a cash cab without Ben Bailey. I don't know if you saw that. No, they did. Yeah
They're bringing it back. I'm doing like a celebrity version. It's gonna be terrible
I hate that show. What's the new what was the show that they just put on netflix? Um
The kids the show that was on my as a kid. Um
Bye bye
No, no the the sitcom the uh
the with uh with uh
The Olson twins
Full house. Yeah, I was like that shit show fucking sucked when I was a kid
Why they bring it like it's like nostalgic and cool to bring it back
Fuck you. We don't want to watch fucking
Some people do some people do obviously it did well. I mean I was like everyone was like on the internet was like all excited
It's coming back. I was like, dude. No, you didn't watch that fucking try sitting through that show now
It's the worst fucking show
After the show as you watch me like what how the fuck do I watch this?
What's the thing is I'll turn you go into this ether. You are every show you go you watch it 10 years later and you're like this
Is fucking terrible. I'll turn on like just to get motivated sometimes. I'll turn on like, you know
Country like the hit country radio station. I'm like, this is fucking hip-hop. This is
Rednecks rapping over hip-hop beats like I'd rather listen to nwa. I'm not gonna listen to fucking
This fucking shitty country band try to rap now your music taste is very broad
You love everything. I love everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
I mean I grew up probably on it to be honest because I was rebelling against where I was from
I grew up on primord rock probably the she used to
Sabbath and all that fucking you know zeppelin everything
And then I got into
Like I said when you kind of go out see no, no a friend will play you wailing. You'll be like, no, no, that's my music
It's you know, you take you take authorship of it later, but
Who are the influences?
Well me and the the guy who produced my records who's amazing by the way
We had the same we had both agreed and much of my friends agreed it all starts with the Beatles for us
I don't know if that was if you dug the Beatles, but like literally the first time I I heard
I'll bet the first bucko and song I heard was Ringo singing act naturally
You the cool thing about the Beatles was you could
You could listen to it and hear every type you could hear Chuck Berry. You could hear
Rest in peace. You could hear
Halter Skelter was basically in metal. You could hear
Like almost opera kind of and I mean classical music a little bit and like, you know, Eleanor Rigby or you could hear
Country like I said, they would play a lot of country almost like a
they did like
Carl Perkins shit, you mean that you could you could hear every type of music
Did you like the whole discography of the eagle uh the Beatles?
Yeah, I liked it all. Yeah, the early shit drives me crazy. I'm with you. I mean, I don't
66 on that album and all that music revolver and the white albums and rubber soul and the one wouldn't they went to india
They went to india. Let it be. No, uh, with the fucking heart. Uh, what the thing
Sergeant pepper
I like sergeant peppers magical mystery tours. I like I'm on the borderline to help
Help I'm with you. Help. I like that song but yeah help. I'll be after help
I like everything. Let it be is brilliant. I will say that I'm I'm with you as
I don't find myself listening to early Beatles now, you know, no, no, no, it's like it sounds like kind of
It's almost teeny buffer music, but you know what I fucking listen to music a lot and you broaden me tonight when you said
That the Beatles covered everything because I gotta tell you something as soon as you said that I heard
The chords till she loves you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah the beginning of it
And I was like, oh shit. He's right. I've heard that before
I have heard that before maybe somebody took it from them or not in the same chord the same
Da na na and not that stuff
but just that twang in the chord that
John Lennon had on George Harrison was the real catalyst there with the guitar
but
People don't know the Beatles anymore
The Beatles don't even fucking matter people have no
Pete kids are growing up
And here three Beatles songs on the radio and they don't
Understand what the Beatles meant. I feel like when I was a kid
I don't know if you guys tell me but I feel like when I was a kid
maybe
That timing was like the Beatles were kind of cool, but Elvis was like
Oldies music and I feel like Beatles are not turning into oldies
But the problem with the Beatles is that unless you grew up with a generation that your parents played the Beatles
My parents played a lot if you're lost in the Beatles
All you know about the Beatles is the radio
The songs on the radio you really never put the whole you never put on
Rub the soul or fucking what's what's not tomorrow tomorrow never knows. God. That's the best fucking song
That's from uh, yeah, that's from a revolver revolver. Yeah, they haven't listened to revolver. They don't understand
The whole the changes those motherfuckers made, you know how a band can't stay together and have three albums
How many albums did these savages have just estimate give me a
No, so someone told someone told me that from the time they started till when they broke up
They put out the their whole career lasted the same amount that u2 takes between records
So someone told me that u2 the band u2, you know
On average they said they take like six seven years
To make a new record. That's how long the whole Beatles career was
That's it. Yeah, they're they're they're plain landed in um
In new york is when when people first heard of them was 63. They broke up in 70 the whole career was seven years
And how many albums they put up estimate I mean probably 10
I mean maybe more but well, it's weird because they had 12
They put out a different amount
The albums were different in england than here some of them. So it's hard to say exact amount
But you just said 12 if you
If you didn't listen to the Beatles, what would you recommend somebody to start with?
What I would matter it would matter who the person was I would say
I think what we just came across revolver is a good one. It's kind of got a little bit of everything
I would actually you know what Ozzie's favorite album of all time is is what the white album the white album is brilliant
The white album is great because you can again as an example if you get everything
I mean helter skelter is more metal than most shit
You'll or more hard rock than most shit you'll hear nowadays
And you've got little ballads and weird fucking ringo shit. It's all over the place
No, no, no, it's it
Nobody really listens when I was growing up
People were really into the Beatles and then when john lennon died like a whole fucking era people went away because
That's what they were holding on to
That's what they were holding on to is the Beatles get back together seriously. I was I was 17
So he got shot and I still remember going to new york that sunday
and
At the time I wasn't a beatle guy bro at the time I did not want to listen to the Beatles or spring steam
I was not interested. I was a zeppelin sabbath
Pat benatar so anti you were against the Beatles
I was I was against the Beatles because so many people like the Beatles. It drove me fucking bananas
And then years later in colorado
Was when I got 66 to do whatever
I'm like, wait a second these cocksuckers want to something
And then I want the one you mentioned tomorrow never know. That's that's my all-time favorite. That's a fucking killer. It's brilliant
You're on acid in that song. They brought the acid to you. That was the first time you ever tripped
The first time you hear that I think I don't know you have to check it. I think that was the first time john lennon took acid maybe
Well, they went to india or something. I don't know. I'm not a big historian. No, because I I'm a big Beatles historian they um
I heard uh, um
The Beatles were at a party in l.a. or something and they took acid for the first time and uh
Oh, there's a song she said, you know that one. Yes, she said I know I know what's like to be dead is uh
henry fonda
They were all on acid at some party. Henry fonda walked up to john lennon goes. I know what's like to be dead
I'm john lennon just took it and put it in that song
Yeah, that's yeah those old fucking party days, you know
No, a lot of people don't even
I would yeah, I would listen to revolver the white album
I definitely get let it be
Yeah, in the way that let it be started as their worst album. I think it's one of the best
No, I like it. I like that's great. You know, I haven't had the physical beat albums
Which now I'm gonna start going and buying physical beat albums
Next time I go to burbank. I'm gonna buy some physical beat albums. It's time. You're absolutely right
I've neglected them over the years. Well, I got you back into it. Well, it's important to on a podcast to
sell some Beatles records. Um
That's funny because I'm trying to do a podcast right now. It's kind of falling apart
But I did I'm doing like call-in guests and I was talking to bill burr who's the fucking funniest guy ever
He was a wheeler fan. So I'm like, maybe he'll do the podcast. He was nice enough to call in
Who knows this podcast lover come out, but I was telling him he's like talking about like young
Want to be artists like what they should be into
I just got this, uh
There's like 30-something disc set of dylan on tour with the with the band in 66
Playing the most killer rock and roll you ever heard
And uh getting booed off the fucking stage every night. I don't know if you remember that that
No, but uh, he put when he went from folk to electric
They fucking booed him on stage and I've got someone from my birthday last year gave me
It's a it's a it's a box set of every
Every show they played on that tour and every show
Dylan starts folk acoustic and then they move the band comes on and they play electric
And you never heard killer music like this and they get booed
It's like he's helps keep things in perspective, you know
First of all, the band
Yeah, is one of the best bands. Yeah, and that's people don't know about that's nothing people
You know, I played them one time and people insulted me
Yeah, I feel like they don't get their duel all the time. Listen, Neil Young doesn't exist anymore
What is that noise?
It's going
No, it's nothing. Oh, I think it's you. It's something in that thing
That's why I told you to lower this lower the mics a little bit. Can you can you go a little closer?
No, no, just lower the mics a little bit even if I'm far away. Look how I'm far away right here
And they can hear it lower the mics a little bit. Okay. There you go. Because that thing's buzzing the fuck out. You're
Are you listening over there? What are you listening? You saw him. He almost fucking died. Yeah, I know that a little bit
He's probably hearing that on his own. Is that yeah, how you doing, man? I'm gong dunker. He's ready for another bunker. That's the problem
I don't know if I want to watch though. Sure. You want everybody wants to watch leave them another bungalow
He's panicking already and shit. He forgets
That we get the weed that kill Lucifer
You fucking forget you don't train on and I know you got weed at your house
Don't tell me you don't I have weed at the house. You have at least a half. What do you not smoke?
What happened? Do you only smoke here? Is that the deal? I eat edibles at home, but I don't smoke at home really
No, his girlfriend would beat him up. Oh my god. I smoke. I smoke all the time. I he doesn't smoke
I took only I took one or two hits of this and I'm fucking about to die if he won the balcony at night
His girlfriend would beat him fucking senseless. We went out there and smoked right now
He has no idea
When I when he's over here, he's 10,000 stars and he's over there. I thought that 1550
I eat 1600
When on saturday, what'd you eat tonight?
I don't know
You better eat those stars. Yeah, when I said I was coming on here
I got eight million tweets like watch the fucking death stars
Watch the stars of death and stars of death. Yes. Well, you don't why you're not training tonight. What do you think?
We forgot about this. I mean train. Well, you gotta eat like half the bag now because you only got 500 milligrams in you
That's nothing you could that's a walk in the park. That's a good amount
It's different when no one has when you told the the girl at the store that someone had two of the tk
Oh, she almost passed out. No, she didn't she's not
You can do two two gales and you sleep like 10 of those just a balanced shot. You got like 10 ready to rock. Look at you
Yeah, this is peer peer pressure, man. This is he's a fucking savage, but he don't want to train no more
Come on, man. Don't get soft on me. I wouldn't I would never do that to you willer. Thanks, dude
Don't even get me started on the periscope debacle if you think the kennedy assassination is fucked up
You don't want to hear about the periscope debacle. What was the periscope debacle?
Well, he faked stars and made them double how dare you all right wheeler and I call him on the way
No, I want to figure this out. He doesn't get high. I call him at two
He's over there singing songs watching parks and rec
And then the next day I give him 10 stars here and you thought he saw the fucking the devil
Uh, he was here till four in the morning. He barfed. He ordered pizza. I didn't barf. No, not that night
He ordered pizza. Have you taken enough edibles to barf?
How many times yeah, I haven't eaten any yet. So what are you waiting for you keep telling
Just empty the goddamn bag
Jesus you ate five. Come on, man. Yeah, you playing games. What's the problem here?
You ate 500 milligrams of tk. That don't do nothing to you. Sure. It doesn't do anything
You gotta mix them up. What's those last two in your hand? I can't I don't stick eight of them
Just put five in your mouth and drink it. Let your intestines do the rest. That's what I do. That's why I don't chew them
Just throw them in your mouth and drink the water over them and watch it
No, you're not one of those pussies of chews. Yeah, he and then he gets sick
That's why I try to tell him just drink to eat the whole star hole
How are you doing? This is small of this thing. This thing is too little. I can eat three of those fucking things
Well, just throw them in your mouth and just drink the juice after it and watch what happens
Let the intestines do the work
Poorly, man. Please the savage of death
This is what he does on the weekends. They go they hold hands. He eats one star
He tells people he ate 13 milligrams. Shit, man. Is he getting barf on him? No, I'm not gonna barf on him
Trust me. You'll know I'll make a noise. You know, I I know I'll know
We did a podcast last week on wednesday. I must have got 20 fucking
Things about all the noises he made that night
Like when he gets really high, you'll hear little noises. That's probably what the noise was
That's what it was. Yeah, he's fucking. No, he only ate the term my intestines burning. He didn't eat
He didn't he hasn't the audience missed it, but right before we went on this guy
I've never seen a cough like this. This dude coughed for fucking 30 minutes. That's why one is the last time you had a transmission fluid
Uh, it's been a few weeks. Yeah, and so you're used to these
So, so I'm not used to these. No, you're used to the star one because you haven't gone outside. What did what did you choke on?
Was it the pipe or the bong? I choke the bong. He likes putting all the dark
Weed underneath it. What's the dark? What's the dark? We that's we that there's no fucking dark
We it's the one that everyone's already smoked and that's why with the play you I don't know how you don't cough
All right, I'm gonna fill up a brand new weed for you, right? So you'll see I want to know what the black weed is
The black weed is what he calls smoked weed
But if you think how is that worse? It's the same shit. I don't listen to him. It's all it's all yeah, lee
You're fucking me up. Why do you listen to him? He confuses people
He confuses the people I thought he was listen. That's all you need. That's all you need to know right there. You know what I'm saying?
That's all you need
He confuses the people in periscope
This is brand new fucking weed. Check this out
Go ahead
There you go
Go for brookley. This is the one that killed Abdullah
No, not that lee lee lee because then he's gonna complain that it's dark weed
No, I'm not yes. He is. He's gonna complain it. I'm gonna cough. Do you just took it out of my fucking mouth?
Yeah, anyways, let me put some more water on this. He don't even know what because you're gonna flood it
It's perfect. How it is. Yeah
You can cough plenty off. Yeah, don't touch nothing. In fact, you left drool in there before so you gained an ounce
Oh gross
No, I'm gonna tease and you go ahead and hit that fucking soldier. It's it's monday. It's the end of fucking march. That's it
That's it
There you go. Oh, she's gonna do it again. Oh, please. This is the one that killed lucifer. Yeah, you go
Now now he turns the bar down
I'm just fucking drool. Dude. Oh, Jesus Christ
You're gonna kill this fucker
This is what happened for the fucking plan for years
At least you know the ending to this most podcasts don't have an ending. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no the ending
That's the total one we're gonna shoot harrowth for new years
And you're gonna get a nurse to come in here. You know how long it'll take you to convince him to do harrowing. I'm gonna say four minutes
Put it in a fucking in a gummy form he'll he won't know he won't know
Hilarious. He's my dog. He knows I love him. He fucks around. I gave him weed as a stain training
When I go out of town hit this before you go to the gym just one time
He don't know he don't listen. So that's what happens. He turns probably you see that before
Yeah, I saw drool. I saw drool down to his fucking dick. Oh, it was hysterical. He was done
But he's all right now. He's back. What's what's going on with those stars? I eat three stars. I think I'm okay
Three stars don't do nothing. That's eight fifty
What's that gonna do to you? That's not those don't even give you a headache
There's not even worth the gelatin. You might as well kill that bag. You're a soldier. It's monday night. Come on, man
Monday night you set the
Listen monday night. You set the fucking door even how you drank tonight. I drink one beer
I get fucking hammered. I got no alcohol resistance. I'll drink another one
Yeah, do it for a fucking wheeler for the salt. Yeah
If you don't do it for yourself do it for the salt for Kentucky. Yeah, do it for Kentucky
Sunday, you're gonna go to Kentucky and they're gonna see you on the street and go you at least I had
You ate a bunch of stars in Kentucky. They got tons of them. Yeah
Tons, please. They're all over the place. They even got a Cuban restaurant in Lexington
What is it? I don't know
You gotta look at that. I'll check it out. It's by the college. It's a fun little place
It smells a little greasy, but it does the trick. I want I'm just trying to think about they fry bananas and shit in there
So they Cuban what's it called plantain?
Yeah, they're good. I love that shit. Yeah, but they got four Cuban restaurants supposedly in
Louisville
Yeah, I don't go to Louisville much. Do you play there in Louisville? Yeah, we actually my last tour right before
I did record the new record. I got
I'd never really toured much and I fucking I got I got fucking lead. I got I got so sick
I'd never been on the road that long and I think it was just too much many nights of getting fucked up and
Yeah, make some more noise with that fucking bag
Yeah, turn it upside down and go like this with your fingers all the way to fucking finger bang it and they'll fall out
But you're working against the gravity. There you go all the way to the valley. I'm missing college five fucking years. There you go
There you go. They were stuck at the top. I had to finger, but that's what the noise was when we finger bang
Five
That's all you need. That's the party start. How many G to ready?
This is all seven seven. That's it. No
Seven that's it man. Sure dude eat the bag eat the bag eat the bag. It's tuesday night. That's it. It's easter
You're the antilent
How'd it become tuesday all of a sudden because by the time you wake up, but it'll be tuesday. That's what i'm saying. You'll be fine
Now what's the difference to you between?
Louisville and like lexington louisville is a big city compared to lexington lexington college. I mean, I think uh
Like you were saying before it's all it's south is so sports oriented, you know, it's like
You tend you hate louisville when you're in lexington because uh you hate the cardinals and you love the wildcats
Which doesn't happen out here. You know, it's like it's all sports really you hate fucking patino, you know
But you love cat it's very um, there's probably a um
There's a um
What's the word i'm looking you got me two fucking stone. Well, you know, they go at each other, you know
It's like oh, you're louisville guy now lexington ain't good enough, you know, so I don't know
I don't I don't go to louisville that much because
No, it didn't seem like enough of a step
Up, you know, it's like it's a little bit. It's like the same city now
Is this the first time you're gonna be performing in new york or you performed in new york before we did one show in new york
On my last tour it was good. It was tremendous. It was a real it was a real small place
It was like 250 people and we sold it out pretty fast and this one's I think twice as big
Hopefully we can sell it. I don't know
But like I said, I fucking even then in this last tour I fucking flipped out
Well, that's what we would get into that
Right now your second album's coming out. It'll be successful
I hope you're right and all of a sudden your agent will call you and say listen
It's time to get a bus
And do a 12 week tour
You know
You and your guys are excited, you know and you do it and listen
Right away. I'm crying because I shouldn't be fucking crying people like led zeppelin
Not even led zeppelin black Sabbath went on the road for like three years and recorded on the road, didn't they?
I mean, they were fucking animals. They didn't stop. Oh, I know guys who do that. Yeah, they don't stop that fucking
That's the thing is that bus costs fucking 20 grand a day
I mean, I have friends who have those big buses, but you got to make good money to make a lot of money to cover expenses
That bus is so fucking expensive
And you know people don't realize how hard the road is, you know, like how hard it is when you're a kid
It sounds like fucking no when you're a kid. It's like nothing when you're a kid
You could do anything eight nights a fucking week
You know when you're a kid you can sleep on a couch and nothing happens. What's what's the what's the longest you've gone on the road as a
coming
November to April
Well, that's pretty fucking long without going home at all. No, I would send clothes home and I did that three times
When I moved to Los Angeles in 98, I found holes in my game
And I pretty much stayed out from 98
What do you mean by holes in your game?
I just had holes in my game, man. Like I wasn't and you went out to fix it. I was funny
But I didn't really get the concept of the set and a bunch of little things
I got put in between nick de palo and Doug stanhope
And I ate a bag of dicks and I had to walk off the stage and watch
Both of them destroy well, and I said that you know what I need to get seasoned. I need to
Get some legs under me
So I would do it old school style. I would just like
Book five out of six weeks
Have like a week off
And I'd go and from there I start
And could you feel it like?
Oh, I'm getting I'm I'm better now like oh when I come back here six seven months later. Yeah
Because I do a combination of everything I do a combination of one nighters
Which toughens your skin
And I do good rooms to shave off the fat
That's smart
So because what happens if you do a bunch of one nighters and come here
You're gonna have to shave off that fat eventually from different spots
You like let's say I'm from Nashville
Right, I got 35 minutes, but I got 15 minutes on Nashville. That shit don't work
In tuplo, Mississippi. So you just lost 15 minutes chap
So you better hip hop and start penciling those 15
Well, it's funny to say that because I did I did coroll this morning and I
They wanted us to perform live. I did a song live
I was like my voice sound like shit because I hadn't been on the road or been in the studio forever
And there's nothing that there's no training you can do other than just playing on just going out and playing for five months
That's the only training you can have
But the the my singing on the new record to me sounded awesome because I was I'd just gotten off the road for
four months on the road
I was like, how do I get my voice back to that shape? You just got to go
Yes, I go back and there's no there's no there's no warm-ups or anything
No, you can do the exercises. I know that vocalists do certain exercises. Yeah, my I have my goos and work
Go go go and people work with vocal coach
But even that it's nothing is close to
Being out there. Yeah, the timing
The audience the expose. No, no, no, it's and that's I knew to get better. You couldn't
Do hip crowds
You know when you first start off comedy you want to do new york and
Vegas and los angeles
But you really have to learn how to perform and baffle on a cold night. You got to really learn how to perform in uh
Uh, indiana, what so what's your biggest city? Sorry if I'm asking the questions
But like what's your what's your best city like what do you where do you do the best?
By podcast standards san francisco
No, but like as far as getting a crowd to your shows
Oh anywhere where this podcast reaches will get a crowd
These people are fucking savages. Really? Yeah, these people are savages where it reaches everywhere
I've done shows in peduca and I've had people fucking show up in little peduca, which is great
I've done shows in jackson had 60 70 people show up. They've driven it from nashville or
You know, yeah, that's how you start getting the big eyes when they drive. Yeah, you know, I've got nashville. I get good numbers
But you have to learn how to cut your teeth in those little towns
And you have to learn how to how for me to wake you up at 8 in the morning and go we look come on
We got a 10-hour drive to our next city. Well, I remember the the first night on my first tour
We had a we had a 5 a.m. Radio interview
I woke up at 11
And I called up the radio station. I'm like, are we late?
Can we still come in? I'm like, they're like you're fucking six hours late
There's been three shows since you've fucking the show you made and you're never allowing this radio station again
Like I don't give a fuck. Yeah, once you burn a bridge. You're done. Fuck. I'm like fuck this station
But I that sleep is more important to me than any fucking radius. Well, you know, this is it like this
This week I gotta get up at four
The car picks me up at 4 30 for what to go to the airport. I get to the airport. I fly to new york
Fucking thursday morning. I gotta do radio at 8 a.m. Which is 5 a.m. Later. It's crazy. And then friday
I'm probably gonna have to do something
And saturday you sleep all day because my sunday my saturday night flight
I gotta be there and fucking uh
I think like 4 45
Back here. No, I gotta be at kennedy airport by 4 45 the flight just back here. Yeah
So i'm pretty much getting off stage going back to the room laying down for an hour
I'll be packed and everything and I get right in the fucking car and i'm back. Yeah, that's no
I mean, it's a life, but it's kind of tough. I only do it twice a month. Okay
Okay, i'm 54. I gotta take care of myself
That's shit every week that they call you with and go you have to go there
I don't have to do nothing. I just got a call that i'm playing vegas this weekend. They sent me a flyer
I'm like, what the fuck you there's a picture. There's a flyer of me with these two girls on it
Where's the band who should like who fucking booked what the fuck's going on? Did your agent contact?
They I heard I heard rumors of it, but I heard I saw the flyer way before I agreed right so nobody confirmed
They just yeah, they said to offer you what do you think you said i'm available
We'll call you back and also there's a flyer
And there's tickets being sold. I'm no fuck. I gotta check up on it. Yeah, that's that's how fast this goes
Yeah, it moves fucking fast, you know, it's funny because before we came on the podcast
We were talking about scams people who
And then I fell from one of the other
people send you show on the computer and
We were talking about how dumb do you have to be we getting dumber?
You know like what the fuck is going on, you know, which we never really answered. We said we're gonna answer on the podcast
I don't know if we're getting dumber. I think we're putting a lot of trust in the internet
Yeah at times. I don't even like purchasing my wife handles all that stuff
But I don't type numbers into a fucking thing. You know what I was saying as I got an email the other day and
the same that one of my email passwords was uh
Someone had that I needed to change it. So I check click on the email. That's my name. I put it in they asked my email address
I put it in then they asked my um
For my credit card information. I was about I seriously taking my credit card out
It was about to type it and I go, you know what?
There's no email place that needs your credit card to change your email password and I put it put it down like
You know, it's like
I was that close to being that one of those fucking dumb fucks and
You know, it's you're not you're never that fucking far away
Well, you have to think about at least that he got the call from the irs people
Yeah, I got that a couple of years like the first year that I didn't have a job
They called me and they said uh, it was like an automated message and like contact your uh representative
We recommend you get an attorney
Uh, you owe such and such to the irs and I got I got paranoid
But like luckily now with google you just look it up and they and like the irs even has a thing on their website that says
Uh, we will never call you. It's always going to be through the mail
Because so many they just they just busted one of the places in india. They just what what were they trying to do to you?
They they want you to uh, they probably call you and want to like have you pay what you supposedly owe to the irs or
Immediately or the cops are going to come to your house and arrest you for your children
They had the scam on 2020 one of those 60 minutes. It's
Fucking mind boggling
mind boggling how much money people sent
Like without even fucking thinking like really someone tells me those those junk mail things
Well, like you were saying before we were on the air was like, you only need a few people to send in some checks
Listen, I tell the story
This is one of the greatest stories I've ever heard about the america's
It's like when I was a kid. There was an uh, uh, a guy named petal lemon jello
Nobody ever heard of petal lemon jello
But abc late night had a commercial the best of petal lemon jello
999
This guy stings all the songs
Nobody knew who petal lemon jello is the fuck's pino lemon just won't say it
Can you please look up who the fuck petal lemon jello is?
I'll never forget this petal lemon jello was this singer that nobody knew obama Wilson
They had the best of petal lemon jello
and he covered six or seven songs
And like it was the biggest scam of all fucking time. Oh, he was was he made I think I have the commercial
Player yeah, this was fucking crazy
But they did this other thing this I watched this on like some tv show 15 years ago
Like HBO late night this dildo company
put an ad out
And they would have
And it wasn't playboy. It wasn't another high level porno more magazines
It was like a million level one with chick show their ass holes and shit like that
And the back page they had this dildo that came with water
And steam and smoke and no batteries you charged it
They must have had it was 24 95. They must have had
two thousand orders
The first three months or something weird and then a couple thousand after that
What this company did they didn't even have a dildo?
Didn't even have a dildo
They would take your money
Put in the bank and then cut you back a check
That said
We don't have
Yeah, but the check says it's from a dildo company. No, they have a dildo on the check
This is way before the ATM machine. You know what I'm saying
So you wouldn't go in and you you're too embarrassed to choose?
Yeah, who's gonna cast this check? Well, dildo. That's fucking genius
So they made fucking millions. They banged people out and some people reported it
But this was peter lemon jello. Look at this
Peter lemon jello
Love 76
Oh
You are about to witness a new dimension in entertainment
Peter lemon jello
Peter lemon jello a mood rock experience called love 76
Yes, peter lemon jello has created a new kind of music. That's both romantic and moving just listen
Sounds terrible
Can you believe this shit?
So you didn't with this guy not really even exist? No
Nobody played nobody ever heard of peter lemon fucking jello. I know a lot about music. I never know nobody ever knew about people
They just put it out there at night and they figured it cost them nothing to fucking get the commercial
Were there songs on it?
Yeah, like songs like he like he had one song that he probably wrote maybe just covers
And the worst is like that dude in vegas. Who the fuck goes to see that guy singing people's songs
The guy from vacation. I would never go see that fucking guy in a million years. Which guy's that?
That dude who fucks the mother in vegas. What's his name that's been there for 2000 years
He thinks he's Elvis. He was Elvis Elvis used to bitslap. Wayne Newton. Oh, yeah with that fucking costume
I'm gonna pay 20 dollars to see Wayne Newton sing fucking
By tom jones songs get the fuck out of here. I don't have time for that shit
But this was all the little I call them american ingenuity schemes
And they still it's as fucking smart to do that. No when you go the other night I went to I took my date out to dinner
I know on my wife my date. I took my wife out to dinner
Dude, we had to walk through them all so I go listen the way out
We'll get mercy shoes here the baby get a pair of sneakers that sneakers there
When we're still online. I saw all those things that they sell on tv late night
So, you know, we have stores of them asking on tv. Oh, yeah, that's what do you call that shit?
Asking on tv. No, no, they had something for your wrist that you'll never use
You know, like like the biggest scam of all time is the self-massager
You're never gonna use that
There's no self-massaging. I gotta stretch my arm to get the bottom of my fucking back
I'm twisting my shoulder to massage that gun and it ain't gonna work. None of those things work
But no avatar, you know the the the copper knee brace
That shit comes on at nine o'clock at night fat people there. You know what if I get that copper knee brace, maybe I'll exercise
No, you won't but you'll drop the 2395 that shit don't work that copper fucking knee brace
I had one of those I didn't order from there
Somebody gave me oh, I've ordered that shop. I've ordered that show on fucking tv
That what's the thing you put in your door that you do pull up? Yeah. Yeah, and what happened?
Well, no, I was I was stoned and I'd taken an ambient
And we'll go the next morning
It was a fucking box in my door or two days later. There's a box in my door with a fucking pull-up machine
I'd use I've I've literally done one pull-up in six years
No, you don't use none of that shit. Yeah, you're never gonna use all that buying stuff
You're never gonna use none of that. Apparently when I was fucked up
I thought I needed to get you know that was ambient really make you black out like that. No. Yeah. No, I forget shit
Yeah, I'll lose or just I don't to straight. I don't I try not to mix it with booze. It's not good for you
but um
When I take it, yeah, I'll fucking
What it will happen is I'll wake up the next morning and there'll be a text from a girl. It's like, you know
What time tonight and I'll read through the text is that I'll be like
a girl I haven't talked to for years like
We should we should hang out
I was on ambient. I don't remember I was like
Me and you it's like this friendship. Why are we friends? We need to take you to the next level. I like I get this fucking uh
Like I get really cocky on ambient. I guess and I wake up and I gotta you know
It's almost like I should take ambient to take her out to be back to that guy, you know, it's like uh
I act like a you know
I just start texting girls on the fall fucking. I don't remember it at all
They say people have bought cars and cooked meals. Oh, I believe it
Ambient and not knowing what the fuck the next day they're woken up and there's I think my subconscious wanting pussy, baby
Oh, everybody's subconscious wants pussy as soon as you you smoke a joint in your late night
You want a piece of ass? You're like, man, I like I take that ambient
Like I said the next morning is just my phone is a bunch of texts from all the night before it's like
Speaking of uh scams. Have you do you guys like a regular worried about the credit card ones?
Like the machines always. Oh, do you check? I don't I don't check
I pull them out. I hit them at the gas station. I cover the fucking number because there's people with telescopes
You gotta assume. Oh, yeah, what do you gotta assume?
You gotta assume all that shit when you go to a store and you stick your credit card
Listen when you stick your credit card in the machine, you're doomed
It's like we were discussing uh
You ever go to an airline southwest and the airline and they say put your id in or your credit card
Everything's in your credit card to date a birth address
How old your kid is everything's in that fucking credit card
So when you put them at the gas stations and all that shit every time you use that out
Like I have a work credit card
And then I have a credit card
They could steal the work credit card. You ain't gonna get dick out of there
That goes in small increments. That's why that's why I have to I have a work credit card
And then I have one that I use at restaurants or whatever the fuck when I have a work credit card
And then we have one university. What were you talking about covering it up?
You cover it up you when you hit the numbers you always gotta be fucking safe, especially today
There's always some motherfucker. That's cute
Or you have to assume have you seen the videos of them putting the
They have machines that look like the
Yeah, and they just they put it on and it fits right on and it just has a little chip and it transmits all the data
It's crazy. Where's it? Where do they have those?
At ATM machines and stores. Yeah
Like a basically a fake ATM. You put it in the machine on top. That's why when you before you stick your card in
Always grab that thing and pull it out. Oh, sure
Listen every time you go to vegas within two months, you're gonna charge from vegas
I don't know how they do it
I know people go to vegas and two weeks later their account is clean that
And you think back where did you go? You went to vegas?
All those things in vegas because everybody who goes to vegas you either go to gamble or to scam people out of their money
More reason to cancel that gig is
No, you got to go to vegas and do the gig but when you go to vegas, you got to be very careful
You know, I was a thief. I know hotel rooms. Yeah, what kind of shit you do everything
Every low life. What's the craziest shit thing you know, that won't get you in too much trouble
No, I robbed drug dealers and shit like that. But for a while I worked hotel rooms
They're very easy now. I can't do it
Now you can't do it
But back in the day, I would just wait I would just wait for a hotel
I would go to a hotel dressed up in a fucking suit with a wall street journal
Like I was on a meet a friend there and I'd say what time does the I'd contact
And then when they weren't looking I'd slip in and go through up to the third floor
I'm the type of guy in those days that I would watch a maid
And there's a lot of maids would put the keys in the door
And leave the keys in the door and go in the fucking hotel because I leave them my shit in the hotel people
Yeah, that's got it's got to be a gold mine. No, no, no, no, listen hotels a room room number one. I never
Nobody goes in my room
You don't need to clean my room though. We just what do not disturb all the time all the time
That's not really a deterrent for a thief
But why have people eyes
Known what you had that don't aren't supposed to know
That's how it's done. I work security at the crestwood when I was a kid at 19
And you have no idea and I was I was the bad one
What's the crestwood the crestwood was a hotel in snowmass village and I was security
There was two of us from five to one
We had to walk around and drive people to the airport and pick them up and shit like that
And there was another guy that was there the guy that got me the job
Was a bigger thief than I was he was scammer from two ways. He would watch you coming in
He knew you put money in the safe at the fucking hotel
So he would watch when you went skiing and he'd get the key from no, no, no, no, no, no, no
You don't trust nobody
That's how you have to when you go to a hotel nobody
Well, that's my thing all the time nobody when we play gigs. It's like
Do I leave it in the hotel or backstage at the gig? No, but both of them are no, no, no
I don't fuck around. You know, we were talking about do what do you do?
What do you do with it then hotel safe or no?
I take everything with me
Let's keep it. Listen, I want to steal my fucking computer from 10 years ago that I want to throw out a window every two weeks
I had taken
There ain't no nude pictures in there. They ain't dick in there
In fact, I got two gmail accounts with a podcast and they had different computers my house podcasts
My house computer gets different emails than the gmail on the road
I'll go on the road like now. I haven't been on the road for three weeks. I open up that fucking computer
There's 2,000 emails
It's the weirdest fucking thing so you could rob. What are you gonna rob my clothes?
My ipod is one of those portable iPods. I buy those cheap ones. So they fall on planes with a circle thing
Yeah, the speakers
You could take those little fucking iPods. So anything important you keep on you. Yes
You get this your credit card
Your fucking license and your phone
You keep on you. What else do you want to have on you? You got a ring in the chain. You put it on
You go to the gym, you take it out and you put it in a bag. I'm trying to not take anything too nice with me
Well, my thing is too is it's harder for musicians as an instrument. So it's yeah, I've done things
Wheeler that I can't believe I got away with
That this this can't really be happening. Like when I was out there robbing
You can't be this like I was writing a joke the other day. I'm not I wasn't really a thief
But if you're gonna be that stupid I had to rob you
Like if you're gonna be that stupid I gotta rob you give me an example. I'm fascinated by this
I was in the supermarket once I was fucking flat broke with my ex-wife. It was a friday and aspen
And we probably have 22 bucks for the weekend we're buying like cold cuts and tuna fish and
Sodas we were staying at a hotel on main street across from the internet sandwich shop
This is wave not in and out burgers. This is fucking in and out burgers wasn't even a thought
And I'm in this fucking supermarket and I see this fucking lady
Going through the products reading the caloric intake and shit. You don't need to fucking know just grab the fucking product
With her purse on the place where you put produce
And a envelope sticking up
And I just timed it. It's just like a fighter when you're a thief you just time
As soon as she goes back the timing and I just slipped the fucking envelope popped it walked around the corner
It was 600 bucks in there. No, if you're gonna be that stupid, I'm gonna take it. I got stuck in Santa Monica tonight
I'm not proud of this
I'm not proud of this at all and this will answer a lot of questions for the people in the podcast. That was a time
I would walk into fucking
Toys or Us with my four-year-old daughter at the time
I'd walk in there with 60 bucks
I'd leave there with a bicycle
And six hundred dollars worth of toys
Do a lot without walking out
of the fucking
uh
toy store
That was a time when I was in you know, you know, they have how'd you do that
In those days of fake returns
You know, there was a time, you know, they did this movie
Last year about back out of Compton with a fresh out of Compton
What's their straight out of Compton and it's a great movie. I love it
And they they talk about fresh out of they talk about him financing
His early career with drug money
My early comedy career 93 94 95 96
I was a professional shoplifter
If it didn't have fucking screws on it
It I took it
Do you think there was a
I don't give a fuck fuck the world attitude that allowed you to do that. Oh, yeah, there was a there was certain anger
Because what you're saying right now makes me like want to do it
But like I could see years ago like when I was like if you don't give a fucking you're fucking pissed off
No, I was angry at the world. I wasn't happy with myself
You know, I had a low fucking esteem myself. I didn't really give a fuck
I was getting into comedy. I'd been divorced. I'd already been to prison. I had nothing to lose anymore
I remember one day I'm going to pick up my daughter and it's christmas day
And I got $20
I got toys for her. That was the easy thing, but now I had to get decorations
So I fucking took like christmas decorations and duct taped
Them to the wall and a bunch of fucking christmas things and I got to go get a tree
And I never forget this. I went to the kmart and next to the kmart there was a tree lot
And as I woke up you're not gonna believe this
There's an envelope and it says
pick a tree and put the money and checks in the fucking thing
I reached my hand in there
Two three hundred dollars. Who knows that's how I did it that fucking, you know, I went back eight months later
And gave the guy the money
Yeah
Like that's the old school, but at that day that helped me out
Why would somebody leave envelopes out there and leave, you know, I didn't take the checks. I just took the cash
We were talking we were pitching today
in uh
in fx
And we were talking about the character of the jew attorney
And I was telling play by lee
We're trying
And I was telling them a story that I got a job at the alpine country club. I was fresh out of bartending school
I worked at the Sheridan center and they gave me a job
They got me the only way you work at the Sheridan center is by being trained at bartending school at the time
It's 1984
So they paid for your training. It was 200 bucks for two weeks
You don't know how to pull drinks. It's bullshit. Yeah, but when you're 18, you really believe it
Like I'm gonna bartending school make full one on the night, you know, whatever
But when I got suspended from
The fucking Sheridan, I didn't tell the American bartending school and part of the deal is nationwide
placement for the rest of your life
If you go to the american bar if the american bartending school still exists
If you go there, you get nationwide and they have uh schools all over the country
So when you move into the area, you go to that school
And they'll give you fucking job placements if they have it
I wonder if that took one day of bartending class. I couldn't everybody did everybody wanted to be a bartender for everybody
Everybody saw that movie with tom cruise and told them throw bottles. I was gonna get fucking pussy
But I went to I got a job at the I got a call from the american bartender school and they go, listen
God for a good bit they go go down to the Alpine country club. They're doing a banquet
You're a banquet bartender. You're gonna make 1250 an hour now at this time. I'm on the run
I'm hiding low and fucking uh, for Lee, new jersey. I got people in north bergham looking for me
And I'm still making my little moves to the city and shit as long as I don't go back to north bergen
or around that area
And I'd work this fucking thing and I see that there's a
They're giving the head bartender a key
And when people give him gifts, he's to put them
In the back room and what it was was a bar mitzvah
All right, and he went back there maybe a hundred times with envelopes and shit
I he said to me listen. I gotta go upstairs and cater a part of it back in like two hours
He left that key that fucking momo
On top of the register. Do you know in my low life 20 year old self did
I wouldn't that dude that dude sounds like he was about to have a bad bar mitzvah dog
I opened up every fucking envelope and I took the cash out of the envelopes the ones I had checks
I just left them in there
And the ones that had cash I just took them. I think I scammed like 1200 bucks
Did they have a lot of ones in it? I don't remember I walked
Straight out
Like I didn't finish the shift. That's how crazy I was like I didn't even care if they're gonna put it on me
Like I didn't get what why were you not? What was the place you said you weren't allowed to go to?
North bergen. Why is that? I owed money for coke. I owed too many people money for coke
I'd robbed a few drug dealers
This is some fucking life. This is craziness, but I went and I did this bar mitzvah
I still remember going to Harlem girl. What the fuck?
Is going on with my life
And I would go to Harlem and buy coke and weed
And I became tight with the weed dealers. They were all Cuban refugees and I go, what do you guys make out here?
They go if we sell 25 bags for five dollars a piece. We keep 25 dollars
And I go you got to give him a hundred dollars
I couldn't fucking believe it. So I would always threaten them one day. I'm gonna come out here and I'll sell all these
One day I go to the leader goes come here. I'm short handed today
I gotta give you some weed. You have to sell it on the corner. He gives me a bundle
25 nickel bags. I go, what are you? I'm gonna stand because you can stand anywhere you want
But if I was you maybe go to the top of the corner. I went to the top of the corner and just started running
I just took off the fucking port authority after I was I was a savage
Yeah, damn. Let's see. This is the kind of shit going up in Kentucky. He didn't think existed
Oh, no, I was a son fucking. I was a savage or clothes on
It was just a matter of time before somebody fucking shot me wheel. I'm very lucky
But did it come close to that?
Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, you had a gunpoint at you. Yeah, am I getting too serious?
No, I had a knife one time and an aspen
And I had a guy that came up to me that had a gun on him. That's it the next time. We're in broad daylight
And he goes next time I see I'm gonna shoot you. Yeah, shit don't happen too much
John Wolf G Jeff Warsaw J
My man Jay from fucking Pittsburgh. I can't say your last name because you're a school teacher
Damian Gerard Tim Norfolk
Mark Allen Mike ricks and my main man always lawn Rosenkirk
I love you motherfuckers. Also, don't forget levity live this weekend starting Thursday night
And 420 levity live oxnard
So you're a nyak this weekend come by
Or if you're a fucking oxnard on 420 or santa barbara or anywhere in that area, I'll be at the uh levity live
Oxnard star one will be there
Giving out stars leasing to eat like 52 of them that night dick sciat's gonna be visiting from florida
We're getting the hotel room
It's gonna be all over but the fucking shouting
You know, I was telling you guys before the podcast. I don't click on dick
Like when people send me all that shit online, but it goes back to how we were raised wheeler
I see people that shouldn't be talking to certain beat. We ever see that like
I still can't believe that you don't click on porn
Blow my mind. No because that should just jack your computer. I could jerk off from fantasies
I could jerk off to fantasy
Yeah, no, no, no, no, you don't know what goes on that fucking years ago
I clicked onto something like a 92 fucking things gay people were sending me notices
I don't need no that shit gay notice. Yeah
So I don't click on the dick. I really don't I don't click on the dick when people send me stuff
Redo your banking
Or we type your information. I just click it and take my chances
I don't know but it goes back
To how I was raised because I see people you're gonna hollywood bullhorn
Yeah, and see fucked up people on there
And you see like a fucked up guy who stops tourists and it's trying to scam
Like why come from you don't even stop
Don't challenge him because he's gonna get you he's either gonna get you or the guy down the corner's gonna get you
They're gonna weaken you by eight people approaching you
But if you don't stop I don't stop at all. I'm never stopped my mother would not let me stop
You don't you don't learn this shit run from I guess. No, you don't that's why new york sees still freaks me out
Yeah, you don't stop you keep walking. You don't make I don't know what you're talking about
If they really getting you mugged you're from another country just like only dutch
You just say some two words to go. Oh, sorry. You just keep fucking walking. You know how many times I'll I'll talk italian
I don't even know what the fuck i'm saying italian. You'll get a german one time and then he'll be fucked
No, I never sit german. I never ever speak no. No, I'll just whatever the fuck they tell me they speak. I don't speak it at all
You know, I don't talk. I don't stop to talk
Because that's how they weaken you like young girls like i'm gonna raise my daughter
You don't have to stop excuse me. Can I you don't know nothing? I don't know nothing
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about if you don't make the contact nothing could happen
Nothing could happen. Well, what happened? I pulled over to help some guy and he fucked me in the end
Well, that's what you get for being a christian. You know what i'm saying
That's what you get at being a fucking christian. It's harsh man. It's but it's the truth
When you see all these low-level scams people put on people on the internet, especially i'm not
Uh, what's the word internet sassy with scams savvy savvy, but I know I wouldn't put my fucking credit card in birth certificate in there
Also, you know i'm saying like there's little things you know
That you just can't do you know, that's why I like amazon. I trust amazon. There's a couple companies you gotta trust
You give them the word credit, but somebody's probably fucking ripped gotten ripped off of amazon
But yeah, I know my my mom did my mom did someone stole her amazon
Uh gift card like they brought they broke into her account
It ordered stuff and then amazon wouldn't give her the the credit back
Never gave her back. She refuses to go to amazon now because of them. They fucked it. Yeah
And then that it's weird with that one because if you ever have to do a return like you have to go and ship it
And then they don't have a number you have to go back and give them your number. They call you. It's weird
So there's no perfect system anymore
No, I don't uh, but it all goes back to that just don't get involved
You don't know nothing. I don't know nothing. I'm sorry. Well, I need I needed these lessons when I was a kid
They they talked to you they called you mr. Wheel and said you would write this song
I don't know what you're talking about because people come up to you with assumptions also
That's the best they come up to you with assumptions of things you're gonna do
What I get all the time now is people like I don't know how they got my email or whatever facebook like
Semif lyrics and fucking song ideas hoping that probably that I'll write one
Close to that so they can fucking sue me
But I gotta I try to just delete it real fast. No, it's really quick how they have different
When the death squad thing started getting popular with rogan
It's it it it got obscene
How they would work each one of us
Like I would I would get on the plane all scenario. You know this guy named john smith. Yeah
He keeps saying man with me about tv show. Yeah
Me you know and they want to talk to rogan rogan don't want to talk to nobody
If you want to talk to rogan, you got to call his manager. He don't take a call
An offer he don't know nothing
You send rogan an offer and you just shot yourself in the fucking leg and I got to be the same way
Because you got to cover yourself
You know, we try to be nice people. Yeah, come out to my birthday party
I give you the cash you want and then you get there you got to sleep in the barn with the meal
Or you know, you got to go meet the whole fucking family all that fucking shit. Yeah, you got to get that
How about 10 grand for my birthday sounds good? Yeah, that's it or if not, it's a fucking nightmare Lee
So when people contact me, I'll even answer them back
You can contact me all you want about your fucking gigs
Go on IMDB and see what the fuck you got to contact and call them. That's your best shot
Because I got a wife and a kid, you know, I'm I I'm just not going to go to some fucking town and take my chances
I got to get covered, you know the hole from fucking A to Z and I say this
Because I've been burnt 30 times
I've been burnt 30 times, you know, you say that you learn from experience or was the worst burn you got you think
Like a thousand bucks when I really fucking needed
And how this how they get you
um
No ticket sales not enough ticket sales. There's always a bullshit story
But then that night I got a knock on my door from the radio station. He ran out in the radio station too
That was my fault. I got a deposit
I always got a deposit and I got half of my deposit when I got half of my pay when I got there
You know, a lot of clubs say they'll send a check. I might check very bitch
I leave with my cash
You know, there's no reason to send me a fucking check. I remember we were leaving a gig and this guy wanted to us
um
Take his picture with me. He's like, I'm the promoter
And I was in the fucking van. I was like, I didn't want any fuck like
I had I was there for three hours. Take a picture then so just leave
Next day my manager calls. He's like
There's like 80 fucking people on your facebook page saying that you you were a cocksucker last night
It was that same dude who didn't get his picture taken like black like covered my facebook page and like fucking insulted shit
And then uh
I told my people that just like don't ever book me at this fucking it's just like it was a way to like
Make me look it's trying to make me look like a fucking asshole like saying that like
I was being a dick, but they were like claiming that I was being a dick backstage. Listen two weeks ago
I was wearing my goobies in Baltimore
To play seats 300 400 fucking people per show
Okay, they have a certain area where you could mingle you can't go out in between shows
You can't go out in between the first and second show
Because there's 700 people out there and it's all congested
They're trying to clean out the room and these people want to take pictures. So last week. I didn't take pictures for the first show
Do I feel bad? Fuck. Yeah, I felt bad
But it's too much controversy people don't get it people don't want to fucking do it
People that you know like there's there'll be a line for people coming out of the second show
And they'll be taking pictures, but then there'll be a line for people going into the first show
And they'll walk away from the line
To take pictures instead of waiting till after the show
So then now there's an argument with them because they didn't fucking walk away from the line
It's always something so the club will tell the club told me like a year ago different clubs said do us a favor
Don't go out there in between
Shows because it's just too much. It's too much confusion and our wait staff can't get the tables clean
They can't run with those people in the hallways
So that's the only time I won't take pictures is in between shows if they're busy
And if the place shares the same door
There's a lot of places I could send people out the back door and take the pictures from stage
But then they're still in the way of the fucking wait staff
So it's a no win situation people are gonna get pissed off
You know now people don't come till the late show come thursday
Now people know don't come early because the places are small and they get packed. Well for you, you gotta piss off
Unfortunately, it's better for you to piss off the fans and the owner, you know
No, no, no, no, I fuck the owner. I rather the people who pay to come see me
I listen to the podcast and they're gonna come see you
I love those motherfuckers. You gotta they're family. They're not even fans. I don't want no fans. That's when I was 13
These people are fucking family
Sometimes I just it's just business
I can't start the show an hour late
Because I took pictures. Do you follow what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, it's business. It's just straight up business
They're trying to run a business. I'm trying, you know, I can't start the show an hour and 15 late
Because both crowds are in the hallway
The wait staff can't be productive. So in return if I take pictures, it's like the low
I'm getting the lower the law of diminishing returns
It's gonna be too much
Let's just avoid the pictures the first show. We'll take them the second show if you want go to a bar and come back
I hang out out there, you know for about an hour as long as I can
So you can't take it. You can't please everybody is what I'm trying to say
That's the business we're in and in life. You can't please everybody people gonna get pissed off at you for doing certain things
I couldn't go to a wedding on saturday
She never comprehended it
Since the day she invited me I explained to her that
It's 13 out
To come to your wedding
And then I got to stay there for four days until nine. I can't do that
I got a wife and a kid. I got to help my wife out. You know, I got home today from traffic at 4 30
I left the house at six. I didn't see the kid. I would have loved to take him that before I came here
Didn't work out that way. She wanted to see me how to go outside and play fucking soccer with it till 6 30
And we ain't didn't I came over here
If I don't do that then I won't have a family
I don't have a career, but I won't have a family. I have nothing at home. And then when the kid's 18, she's on a therapist
Saying that I didn't pay attention to her because I was a comedian. Do you understand me?
It doesn't ever fucking end. So before that shit happens. I pay attention
That's why I need you's like you got to kind of all figure it out in a lot of ways
And when you're when you fail so many times you'll learn how to figure it out. I didn't write this fucking shit
I didn't write this. I'm a 54 year old loser that
Learned that the right, you know, I got the I got married
I bought the american dream
And you get you go to the college. You're like, I want to do what?
I'm gonna do what I'm not doing that
And you change everything and all some people aren't happy you end up with a divorce and the kid
And now you gotta run two families because guess what as soon as you divorce your wife
There's always that hot chick that wants to come along. You gotta start all over again
So now you gotta pay child support. You got this chick here gotta take her out for dinner on friday
She's not gonna suck your dick on a nice cuban amount. You know I'm saying like papa likes on friday night
It's a fucking nightmare
I mean, I will say I've probably learned more from failure than no you learn from failure. You learn from getting hit in the pocket
Oh, you know, you learn from getting hit in the pocket. You follow me
When you're uh, giving somebody half your fucking money and you gotta sell your house and you learn I made a mistake
Next time I'm gonna play a little fucking closer to my chest
That's how you learn in life is not by reading a book
Because you're not gonna listen to read
The art of war is gonna teach you how to
Or the war of art is gonna teach you how to plan and strategize or both how to fucking
Get rid of your fears or whatever, but it's not gonna tell you what to do and what not to do and what's a mistake and what's not a mistake
Nobody knows the tool you think Kenny Rogers
When he invested in that fucking chicken company
He thought that no, you know, they came to him with a deal
Who the fuck knows until you try it
Kenny Rogers, then when Kenny Rogers roasters that chicken was so shitty. Oh my god. It was horrific
Didn't Kenny Rogers ever go in there one time
But they paid him a lump sum they used to do. Oh, dude. Oh, he probably made a fucking he put him on the fortune
He that's how he got the facelift
That's how you got the whole fucking that was a lot then if that paid for that
He sold a lot of fucking chicken. Yeah, no, but it's it's it's uh
You don't fucking get smart by fucking reading a book or
Reading about Nostradamus you get smart by fucking family and then you decide what you're not not gonna do no more
I won't be doing that shit no more. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Oh, totally. I mean I've
That's been my whole fucking career is one failure after another and then
Probably the same thing that happened to you is when I said fuck it throw it all against the wall
Just let's see what the fuck happens and then it works. Nothing happens until you put your ball in the line
Nothing's gonna happen. Nothing. You're not gonna lift yourself spiritually
You're not gonna lift yourself as a human being nothing happens until you take chances
Well, that record was my money on the fucking. Oh, sure. Sure. My money that didn't sell
Didn't sell on I lost the money
But even that it wasn't about the money with you. No, it was never about the money with me at all
Lee wasn't about the money when we started fucking around or anything
A hundred bucks a week does yeah
Not about the money if you're doing this to get rich
You don't really want to do this
You have to do this because you're feeling your nuts and you believe in yourself and you're like, you know what?
I'm gonna do this and watch I'm gonna prove all of you is fucking wrong
And that's exactly what you did which takes a lot of balls
When I heard that pure fucking anger. Yeah pure anger, you know, and that's mixed and you take a chance
And guess what if that wouldn't work you didn't fucking Cheryl crows first down get yanked in the radio stations
didn't elanus morissette
Have a fucking album that was a disaster encounter that she came here
Listen, you don't learn and then she fixed all the glitches
She said, oh, wait a second. I'm not a lounge singer
I'm a fucking pop. You know what I'm saying? That's how you like I'm saying like dylan getting booed off the stage
Yeah, people booed fucking bob dylan
For going electric. Yeah when he was just growing when he was growing
He was inventing this new former rocker. He was inventing the band basically. Yeah and growing. No, no, no, it's uh
You I was watching something and they were talking about revenge
You know that it's the same result but
uh
Sometimes you uh lift from even pain a parent dying a brother dying an animal
Sometimes you use pain to get to the next level
You know there's next levels as a human being you're never gonna know unless you jump in that fucking war
You never know what you could do unless you could jump in that war. Well, it's like that famous dylan show
royal albert harle show in 66 was uh
The famous judo some guy in the crowd screamed judo's
Adam and he fucking flipped out
and he goes uh
He screams, I don't believe you then looks back at the band the band he goes play it fucking loud and they played uh
Like a rolling stone
The most famous concert of all time. They're just calling him judo's
You can hear it. You can go buy the fucking records. You know, it's the best rock. I've ever heard like I said
Best band I've ever heard in my life and they're booing him. What's going on Lee? How you feeling over there Tarzan?
Not feeling amazing and then do nothing. You're bulletproof. He feels amazing, but he can't get the word amazing
No, no, let me tell you something. He's but this kid is a fucking jewish tank of death
I could never sink him. I'll tap out before he's he doesn't know if he doesn't need 2 000 stars
He doesn't know he'll stay at home. I will say he looks pretty good now
And then he'll tell me how he's not getting high on stars no more
I'll go Lee because you ate four fucking stars and you ate 2 000 milligrams of me on a monday night
How you gonna go backwards? You gotta go upwards
See, I always heard the weed wasn't uh, you couldn't get a tolerance. I guess not
Yes, you can you get the tolerance to the stars
After a year you get a tolerance anything if you smoke weed every day that that's why I never understood people bought a pound of weed
Because after a week you're not getting as high as you were the first time
And even if you take that weed and put it away for a while
You'll get high when you re-smoke it but not as high as you did the fucking first time. I rotate weeds
I got one two. I got four weeds right now. I got two here. What kind of weeds are you? Let me see the shit that killed um
Kennedy was we smoked the shit that made legal purple
I got this shit that my friend grew up in the mountains
And I got a container over there. I don't know what that is. I don't even know what it's been there
It's like a general weed for anybody who wants to smoke but at the house. I got a
Something like neptune og and I got like
And I got some other shit that's what's neptune og
I just left it there tonight because I had all this shit. I didn't know if you smoked and I
I usually got four types of weed. I smoked one in the morning one for lunch
And I tricked myself, you know I'm saying like I'll trick myself and then I'll save the weed. That's the strongest
I'll save like two bowls for sunday when I get off the plane. Let's say I smoked that weed on monday
When I get off the plane on sunday that weed's gonna be strong getting you follow me. No, yeah
No, I don't I never thought you gotta play this shit. You gotta play the hand. You gotta trick your body Lee
You know, I know I don't look that great wheeler
But like if like you took this and no disrespect like you would probably call the ambulance if you took what I took tonight
Yeah, he took once if you would smell the Chinese man. Yeah, no, no and give him five more minutes
He turns into fucking general chow
Give him five more minutes. He's now. You don't look chinese. He'll be general chow over there and shit like that
Talk to me about this new arm. You press you press the record button. Um
It's uh, it's called the new out. Did you just fart? No
It's told by my new record. He's fucking ripping farts. I would never do that. But the police is coming hit him with the sound effect, though
Oh, Jesus Christ
This is 10 minutes. Can you believe what I gotta do?
There you go
Right on time
All right, what is the new album now? What are you called? Um, it's called old wheeler
It's one of my favorite records
My favorite country record is called old whaling
It was whaling records called old whaling and I was listening to a lot when I was making the record
I'm like
Because the first albums, you know, just they said a lot about first rates is your whole life up till then
Then this one is just really my life from the first record to the second one life on the road and really being
feeling like an old man like
these fucking new apps where girls fucking
Texting you the fucking pussies this new world that we're living in I don't understand fucking understood in some ways
I'm not like an old man
I'm just kind of a a man out of time. I guess I should say like
Meet these fucking like girls tweet you they're fucking twats and shit like this is just this world
I don't know. So it's really a record about um
um
An old I guess maybe redneck gets old is be the the the word describe it just
A man I tell you know some southern man a time playing new york city and meeting girls and just
being lost really was is what the
the
what kind of
Influenced the record in a
I'm right. I love it. I'm so I'm so happy with it. I think it's way better than the first one. All right
So where do you sell this out iTunes?
Yeah, what day? What day is this coming out tomorrow? No, June 2nd
I don't know this comes out on wednesday the 29th. Uh the 31st you can start pre-ordering it on itunes. Okay
um
And also I got I decided to hear when we do a sales pitch number
11
I was like fuck. I'm keep because I own it. I'm like, I'm gonna keep the price down
You pre-order it $6.99 because to me the digital that's tremendous
That's tremendous because I'm like a digital file is not a because I grew up with like you with records
Like if you're gonna buy a digital file, it's just a fucking file like second insurance. You but I'm saying it's like it's like
yeah
Like when you buy a
There because whatever the digital companies are like we own it for life. I was like, yeah when I bought microsoft word
I own it for life, but I could never fucking find it if you asked me
Find my own computer old software programs for 10 years, but I don't have that shit
so I just keep the digital copies low priced and just
Hopefully I'll sell more that way, but I'm
uh
I don't mean to spend all my time talking about pricing, but
yeah, um
Starting this friday you can start pre-ordering it and now you're gonna tour this out. How how which cities are you going?
We're doing a week of record release shows second the second Nashville
Sixth in new york eighth here. Hopefully you guys can make it out
And then after that we're gonna take a little probably a couple weeks off and
figure out what
Kind of tour I'm gonna do
Are you gonna release it on porn hub again?
Um, I yeah, we tomorrow morning. I gotta get up fucking early
Because I'm doing a shooting a video in the morning and then
There's I'm not making this shit up. There's fucking naked titties in the video
We're gonna premiere the video. This ain't no regular pop country shit. We're premiering the fucking video with naked tits on porn hub
See, that's ingenuity. That's american ingenuity. We ain't fucking around anymore. So I ain't got brook shit
I had never heard of what you were talking about. It was I what you were talking about with rogan
They used to release albums for free before they came out
I can stream them
Well, yeah, no a lot of the albums these days like
Places like npr and that shit like
Get a taste of it there and I and I tried all these places like here's my album
You can play it for free and they wouldn't even take it. So I I was like
Who would play my album for free a week before to let people have a taste?
So we contacted porn hub. They're like we love it. Yeah
And those guys have been great to me. They gave me free fucking ads
Like I said, what if I sold my album to like
Even 1% of the world's masturbators. I'd be the richest man in the world
It's like go where the audience is. They're all fucking black and off. Listen, man
That's what they did with sons of anarchy the dvds. They told them and harley davis in stores. Oh, that's brilliant
That's how they made their biggest fucking. Yeah, they sold all the dvds and harley davids in stores
They went partners with harley davids into some shit and that's how you do it. It's american fucking ingenuity
Yeah, that's what you did man and I go I go where's I go?
What's the most popular website I go to?
You go to my computer. You press p fucking porn hub comes right up
It's the hub of porn
That's the hub. You love it harley. You love porn. That's what my computer does too. Yeah. Yeah, we see we're uh
We're masturbators from the same one between porn hub and youtube you porn
Um, it might be the same company. Yeah, it's probably all the same shit. Let me tell you what let me see both fucking are great
See I actually go to porn md because it searches all the other sites
See yeah porn md. I don't know that. Yeah searches all their that's where figures out like what your ailment is for too much
Yeah, but uh, so you go to porn md. What are you typing?
And you can type in whatever you want, but that this is so this is what porn hub owns
When you type in what do you want to see?
What I want to see uh, joey ds. No, what do you want to see? I don't know probably uh, usually chubby girls
I like chubby. I like uh, I like blowjobs
Hold on. Uh, what else? What's it called up big? What's the big? What's it called? BBW BB? Oh, yeah
Big beautiful woman. Yep
all those so porn hub owns
Uh red tube you porn tube eight
Yeah, well, I'll tell you what they've been fucking great to me because I'm the only one and the only fucking
Artist out there playing music who will talk to you. You know, yeah
me it's all you know
Why ignore that audience is my what I they also did like a comedy contest you porn didn't it probably I don't
They do like a comedy contest and listen man
Whatever works the reason why you're sitting in that chair is I like what you do and I like the balls that you did
Well, I appreciate it. So that's the only reason I love it. I love the music
I love your attitude. I love that you told them all to suck your dick
You know, you know, it's really fun. It's playing a club in like the south and a bunch of whole audience
To do the backwards baseball caps just screaming which one of you queers gonna suck my dick along with me
Tremendous sit on my face
Which one of you queers gonna suck my dick? This is
Fucking tremendous. You can't even a record label would see that and shit themselves in a room like hell
So I don't want you around
I want somebody's like, you know, we're gonna fucking put this we're gonna run this somewhere now the serious play your music
Yeah, outlaw country's been pretty good to me. I mean they get a lot of blowback, you know
But they got the balls to keep playing it which is cool. They um
they've been
A couple I mean a couple of the stations play. I think it's the outlaw country station that plays it which is
Good because they call themselves outlaw country. So that's cool. I'm trying to think who else plays it
I think stern played a couple times. Maybe I don't know. Did you do star loss?
I did the after show when I was in new york. All right, which is what's that the minor leagues to get on this
No idea. I don't know how it works anymore. I don't listen to dick
I'm too busy trying to fucking keep above water. You know, I'll tell you what I don't listen to is the fucking radio
No, there's nothing to listen to. Yeah, I listen to serious in the car. It's the house. He's bowing yard. Oh, that's good. Yeah
I listen to
The one that plays sound garden rooster and all that shit. Oh, yeah, the other day I was listening you guys
I fucking love allison change. Yeah, listen to uh, man the box man the box. I listen to studio 54 sometimes
In the daytime, I'll put that on I have a question for you now speaking of that. Do you think disco gets a bad rap?
Because everyone seems to hate I think it's some of that shit's fucking killer
I think man people gonna hate everything. That's different
Or popular when disco came along disco, you know
Fucked it up for a while. I remember them burning disco albums and shit. They had the big thing at the white sock stadium
Yeah, I remember all that was a disco. They were burning or somebody's rap
So let's bring rock and roll back, but I listened to that shit now. It's like it's some of that shit so good that
Boogie oogie oogie and yeah, this is a couple grand jams. I get you're going classic this you can't listen to um, you know
What's the big uh
bg's hit um stay alive
You can't listen to stay in alive and say that sucks
No, you can't you can't listen you can't listen to the whole sound that live out
Ten I fever yeah and say it sucks. You can't just killer songs. Was that a Sunday Sunday fever? I'm sorry
You can't it's a great fucking album and when you if you don't listen to it every day and you put it on like somebody like me
I heard it every day for a year
And then stopped like I didn't listen to that shit ever again
But now sometimes I hear that one jam from it. I can we touch in the morning rain that one with other bg's
Oh, yeah, that's a great too. That one. That's the ballad. The one that they were dancing to how deep is your love?
Yeah, how deep is your love? They got the other one, uh, alakazam
Staying alive. What's the one?
Then when they're dancing all fucked up at that club, you know, you know, andrew dice clay used to do
Travolta impersonations at that club
Like when he was a kid
San life fever was big
And andrew would go to that club whatever the fuck it was called
And dance like Travolta and they'd pay him. No, that's a good game fucking tremendous
But uh, lee, how you doing if you're looking you're starting to look around. Yeah, it's over fully. That's it
He's trying to tell me he's in training his shit on the week. I did 1350. I did 1600 and I went to the isa some
And nothing happened. I'm high. But yeah, that's what I know. I got a voucher. This dude. He's pretty fucked up
No, he's he's good. Yeah, he's good. He's solid tonight like the rock of fucking job
I gotta I'll tell you what that transition fluids hit you later. See I got a piss
All right, go this way. I'll write this out and uh go through here right through here
Okay
Look at me all fucked up first of all listen to me and listen to me quickly people
I I love lee. I don't know I listen to him when he tells me
You know, he had a problem one night with uber they sent some fucking dude over here
And then he got lift so one night he turned me on at the fucking lift
And you know what man like I told you the cars are clean. I like that light in the front to tell you that
They're there. What do you like about lift? I think the drivers are more friendly. I think the drivers are
They tend to be nicer and uh, it's a it tends to be just an overall better experience
Well, listen lift is ride-sharing company that believes in treating its people better
Lift believes that being a ride-sharing driver should be fun if you're having a good time. So are your passengers
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Maybe that's why nine out of 10 lift rides get a perfect five star rating
So join the ride-sharing company that believes in treating its people better. You're looking for a job guys
You're in between jobs
You fucking want to put on an album you're singing songs. You don't know here
There's a thousand things you could do and pick up
Listen the one lift guy talked to he does hardwood floors
On the weekends and a couple nights a week. He fucking drives to support his family
You have no more excuses to sit on the couch. Okay lift has a job for you. You got a car. You got insurance
It's a beautiful car. What are you doing when you're sitting at home? Go to lift go to lift.com slash joey today
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That's lift.com slash joey
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Guess what bitches?
Beach season is coming. Okay, you're going to the beach. You don't want to get sand stuck in your ass sand stuff in your little monkey guys
You never want to get sand stuck in your nut sector. You'll never get that stuck out that stuff out. Guess what?
But days are here to help you out for the summer. All right, you don't have to walk around with rotten ass no more
You know what rotten ass does to you? It gives you hemorrhoids
It gives you infections your pubic hairs fall out of your asshole. You don't need this aggravation in your life
So go do me a favor
go to
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You understand me? They don't fuck around. You got 60 days. You don't like it if it breaks. You send it back
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Lee tell them has your asshole changed since you've been using the bed day hasn't been a day since I installed
installed it that I don't think
Think that I have it and that I don't use it. I use it every single day
She does she likes it too. I like it more though. I'm telling you men women
This is your chance right here to wash that fucking monkey wash that asshole and keep it refreshed all day
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Spray your butt clean with tremendous fresh water and what you do is you don't fucking use tap water
If you don't want to you got to test the pH because if you're washing your ass with dirty pH
What's the fucking use go to hello tushy.com right now?
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Mother's day is coming that grandparents their assholes thinks they're in a dodge all day
Get them a bidet for mother's day or father's day and make their fucking holiday complete
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I want to thank hello. Tushy. I want to thank lift and I also want to thank honor.com
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And get 10% off your order. I'll see you cocksuckers next week. Don't forget. I'll see you tomorrow night
Thursday night at levy live in uh
Nyak
New york the former house of the cuckoo's nest. I used to go up there and get fucking served
I love you guys. Have a great weekend. We'll see you guys next monday night. Stay black
We never decided what to close on the what we need. We never decided what to close on snow blind by the fucking
Black whatever society
Black label society there you go
Well, can I thank you guys for having me or my interrupting fuck. Yeah, yeah, dude. I had a blast. I love you guys. This is fucking great
Kick that mule
Oh
What you get or what you see
Things that don't come easily
I'm feeling happy in my pain
I see both of them in my brain
Something blowing in my head
When the white that's almost brown
It's not to be my very soul
Makes me happy makes me go
Oh
My eye is a grind but I can't see
I can see
There's no place missing on the tree
The sun no longer sets me free
I feel a slow place freezing me
Oh
Oh
Oh
Kiss the world with the flowers
Turn my days into frozen hours
Throw my bridge up links in stone
Soon I'll feel the chill and roll
Don't you think I know what I'm doing
Tell me that I'm doing it wrong
Don't know what that's really the loser
Here is where I feel I've been known
I
Kiss the world with the flowers
Turn my days into frozen hours
Throw my bridge up links in stone
Soon I'll feel the chill and roll
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh