Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #471 - Alonzo Bodden

Episode Date: April 10, 2017

Alonzo Bodden, comedian, winner of "Last Comic Standing" season 3, and the host of the "Sharp Tongue Podcast," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: DollarShaveClub.com -  get your first month of razors for only $1 with free shipping at dollarshaveclub.com/church   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order of portable devices that spray your butt with water.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout. 
Recorded live on 04/09/2017.
  

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Curtis may feel Curtis may feel in that room and you can shoot everybody. It's over. It's like a fucking Jim Jones convention It's a beautiful day to be alive Monday morning. You're with me Alonzo Bowden's in the house. Lee sciat's in the house I want to thank Buffalo Grand for the great weekend. I had there this weekend walking around. I went to doves I had some fucking wings. They were brilliant. They look good. They smell good I didn't shit blood and that's all that matters. You understand me Thank you. If you came down from Canada and watch the show I love you motherfuckers a shout out to all the guys I met at the hotel the cute chick from Australia

I love you guys. Thank you for coming for the show Alonzo Bowden. What's going on? What up? I can't fucking call it over here. You're trying to push these fucking LA Clippers on me and I tried Alonzo I tried but I can't fucking come on Joey. I really can't hey blake's got problems I I'll admit I love Blake Griffin, but he ain't the Blake Griffin like I'd love like 2011-2012 Blake Griffin who was the monster dunk Blake Griffin this Blake Griffin disappears in the fourth quarter He's great for the first three quarters fourth quarter. He disappears, but you know, you you ride the horse at Brunger, right? What am I gonna do when I jump out on the clip is no like is no like no man. No man I'd rather watch the lake is let me tell you something

I've been I've tell people I've been a Clipper fan Since back in the day back in the 80s when you could go to a Clipper game for ten bucks And the actual Clippers would sell you the ticket. They'd be outside waiting for you I'm saying please back in the in the 80s. Are you kidding with here? I'm hearing but no, I've been Jim in and I'm Vaught and all look. Yeah. Yeah, the Clippers played at the sports arena. See you didn't even know I didn't even know I had the clippers were like the old one Buffalo Braves They were they were they were the Buffalo Braves, then they went to San Diego Right, they went to San Diego and like I don't know like the early 80s

And then they came up to LA and they used to play in the sports arena in the in the mid to late 80s and it'd be like 3000 people at the game and and this was one of Clippers this one of Clippers would win 12 games a season No, I was I didn't I came here from New York in 80 No, yeah, I moved here right after high school. I came here in 80 So back in the 80s like what tickets could you afford? Right? I'm a kid I got a little money. I got no, I don't have like a money How much like a ticket you had a lake of money back then so Lakers does this is this was showtime

This was Magic's Lakers so Laker tickets were probably From a hundred bucks up, you know back then wait you fucking face value or like the scalpers would go crazy No, that that was what they cost no the Lakers the Lakers were I mean showtime was just that you know You know Jack was there in the 80s, you know what I'm saying everybody was there there with Denzel Denzel was there and and everybody went to see the Tickets like yeah, yeah, yeah, because it was the Lakers and Boston every year for the championship The Knicks the Knicks were good in the 80s, but the but the Lakers were showtime the Lakers were on TV You remember who did you see on TV every Sunday? You saw Magic Johnson? I couldn't stand you saw Magic

You saw Kareem Kareem, right? I mean it was the Lakers were the team and here in LA The Lakers were definitely the team and the Clippers were like stepchildren So you could go to a Clipper game me and my brother were laughing back. I remember a game This is when the Raiders were playing at the Coliseum, right and the sports arena was like on the same block like it was a giant You know thing and if you had a raider ticket stub from the day game You could go to the Clipper game that night for five bucks for five bucks You could go to an NBA game with a raider ticket stub So that's why I became a Clipper fan because you could go to Clipper games me and Suley, you know Suley

Yeah, me and Suley were joking about it back in the day The Clippers used to advertise the other player coming to the like they'd be like come see Charles Barclay Against the Clippers come see Moses Against because the Clippers were so bad They did just the whole thing they the first time the Clippers really had a superstar the first superstar the Clippers had was Danny Manning They had Danny Manning when he came out of Kansas and he played for the Clippers for a few years and Danny Manning when he left me He said the Clipper organization is bad from the president to the peanut vendors He said the whole organization was just and it was it was a mess, but it was fun to go to the games

It was the owner who got Didn't want to play pay any money So what happened if you played for the Clippers if you were good you left, you know nobody stayed You know now people stayed But back then yeah, you played for the Clippers for one rookie contract and you were out But then but they used to draft like Elgin Baylor used to draft Always the wrong play he drafted Benoit Benjamin, right? Benoit Benjamin was supposed to be the next Patrick Ewing next

He you know Benoit Benjamin weighed like 390 pounds Or some shit right and Oliver Miller the first player to literally eat himself out of the NBA They and they passed on be they they could have had Barkley I forgot who they drafted instead of Barkley, but but Elgin Baylor didn't want to draft Barkley said Barkley was overweight So now so so you put in your time with the Clippers, right? You're a Clipper fan for 10 15 years, right? And then they finally got good and they would they flirted when Elton brand they've they made the playoffs They made it to the second round. It was like amazing

Then when they got Blake then they they turned it around Blake Griffin was rookie of the year, right? Put the team on the map then they got a Chris Paul CP3 and then you got Lobb City, right? you had the dunks with Blake and DeAndre and it was just there they're always been they've always been the LA team that's fun to watch They've always been there and now Clipper fans are like hey We've been but here's the insult Laker tickets still cost more than Clipper tickets, right? The Lakers suck and the Lakers have sucked for the past what five years, but Laker tickets still cost more than Clipper tickets I can't what can you go for a Clipper ticket now? Clipper tickets range from I

Think like 40 bucks or something like that to be you know up in the top 300 seats to like what I don't even know what courtside is courtsides probably 500 to a grand depending on where you sit. Yeah, yeah, but you know, but Laker tickets are Shit, I don't even know what it costs to sit next to something. Well, somebody invited me two Sundays ago To a Laker game and they had fifth row and they were $2,100 a piece. Well, there you go Shit my pants. I thought he said 21,000. I told my friend 20 because you never fucking know in this time, right? There were $2,100 tickets. Yeah, I

Didn't go Now we joke we because there's a lot of comics who are Clipper fans, right? So, you know Eric Griffin. Yeah, you know Eric. So Eric's a fan Eric's got season tickets So we oh shit. We joke that you could tell where somebody's career is by where they're sitting Right. So so I'm sitting where I'm sitting is oh, he used to be on TV, right? And then Eric's sitting closer Eric's like oh, he's on cable, right? Then Christella, you know Christella Lonzo Christella's like mid-center court like second or third row is like oh shit She's on network TV, you know then Rondell Rondell Sheridan like he's he's you know big cable star

So he's court side but in a corner not you know not in the middle So it's so funny because everybody I mean there's always a bunch of comics at the game But you could literally look at where we're sitting and say oh, yeah, I see where your career is You know now Eric's moving up Eric's getting better seats. So he's doing all right You know, he's moving the showtime from Comedy Central Christella is still right there at network. I'm trying to hang on What is it like being a fan Like I've never I've never stuck with a team like the Celtics were bad for a few years But I wasn't really into basketball. So like I would stick with a team for 10 15 years when they're just

You know again, it was it was fun because they they would add a tried Yeah, honestly, it was like you could joke about you know, everybody used to joke about what Robin Harris say You know coach called him up and said Robin. We'll put you in a game. What time can you get here? The Clippers were they were like a punchline, but they were a team and they they were an NBA team and they were there and it was You know, like I say you had access, you know, you could go to games. You couldn't go to Laker games I mean Laker games even if you like when the Lakers were and I'm talking the showtime era Lakers You had to know somebody to get tickets, right? There was no internet back then, you know I mean you had to know somebody or you had to go to one of these ticket brokers, right?

Like you talk about New York, right? New York, you had the scalpers But you could buy tickets to the game But here LA they always had those ticket brokers They always had the middleman so the ticket brokers got the tickets and you had to pay them They were like the legal scalpers, right? So so going to Laker games What unless you had some money unless you had some connections and remember I was working as a mechanic back then I wasn't in wasn't in show business. I didn't know nobody, you know, so I but Clipper games shit. You just show up You show up like going to the movies. Just show up go to the box office get your ticket walk right in

You know, I used to go to basketball game as a point of entertainment. Maybe I liked the plan that was coming in You know Cleveland's in town, whatever, but it's true. Like Lee said I watched two people like I know a lot of people were fans But that I'm now like everybody's a make-believe fan I'm saying the Yankees are in the playoffs 100 Yankee hats get bought by girls and bars and they wear it out. It's just bullshit. I'm talking about people cry People who yeah, you won't talk to for three days after let's see that was a thing You didn't have to cry about the Clippers because you knew they were gonna lose

So you never you know, you never got your hopes up too high But it was fun and and it was real fans and that's it like I'll say this now if you go to a Clipper game now You'll do one thing. I don't like too many fans of the other team like again Like you talk about New York right when you went to a Yankee game, you know, like Lee's wearing his red socks T-shirt like you would not wear that shit to Yankee Stadium They simply like you wouldn't do it. So when I go to a Clipper game what pits me off is I always see too many jerseys From the other team because because they don't like Clipper fans don't intimidate, you know what I'm saying No, I wore this to a doctor game. I wouldn't I wouldn't wear it to a Yankee game at all

No, you wouldn't wear that to a Yankee. No, I wouldn't I wouldn't you wouldn't wear it to the bleachers of a dodgy game to beat bleachers at Dodger Stadium That's like gang territory But but no but but Clipper fans are more fans like when you go to a Laker game, right the whole purpose is to see who's there Right, it ain't about the Lakers is who else is there? Where are they sitting? You know, do they have better seats than you how close are they to Jack shit like that, right? How close are they to Denzel seriously seriously is unbelievably hot women. They're just walking around They don't even know why they're there. Yeah, they just say to walk around right and take it right But at a Clipper game people are there for the game people are into the game and

You know, so so yeah, so Blake Griffin. He's ours. We go, you know, he's our guy. He's a guy now You you asked me my favorite player on the team is Deandre Jordan. Deandre is a fucking beast, right Deandre Deandre is a giant Dennis Rodman Right. He's a seven-footer. All he does is block shots and rebounds scores when he can dunk He's got like 80% shooting percentage now 70% shooting percentage because he never shoots from more than two feet away from the basket Now when I have a free throw to save his life, but I love him every time I watch the Clippers They always lose They either fall apart or it looks to me like they're missing something. They're missing something

You know what they're missing they're missing the closer. They're missing the closer They're missing like in the close games in the big games right in the games where like when LeBron just says I got this, you know when Steph Curry or Katie says I got this when they don't have the Clippers The Chris Paul is that guy, but Chris Paul small, you know, I mean like he's not he can he's their best in the clutch But they don't have that guy. They don't have that guy, you know Paul George and Indy Or whatever Kobe was a killer, you know what I mean? They don't have that guy They don't bring Paul Pearson for that to just hit a three at the end. No, man. I I call Paul Pierce AARP

That's my guy right there. I love AARP, but you know Paul Pierce is 39 years old You know what I mean? Like you the idea was to bring him in when they got close to show the team how to do it But then that team got hurt they got hurt in the playoffs last year Chris Paul and Blake Griffin They're two best players two best offensive players were out in the playoffs So you had Paul Pierce, but you didn't have anybody, you know to get you there to where Paul Pierce could close it But yeah, that's that's what they don't have they don't have the closer So I'd love to see the closer, but I'm still that's my team I'm sticking with them and and the funny thing is this you'll love this Joey because you know, you know

It's like being a real fan, right? So I grew up with the Knicks, right? So I'm a Nick fan I mean I grew up, you know with the with the With Ewing and Oakley and I mean when I was a little kid, you know, we had Clyde yet Earl of Pearl yet Willis Reed, right? So I was always a Nick fan So so I went to a game the Knicks were playing the Clippers, right? So I had on my Knicks t-shirt with my Clippers jacket And my boys were like now they were like now you got to pick right now right now You got to pick which one is gonna be your team. So I said, alright, I'm going Clippers

My thing was like I was fans of players. I Was fans of certain teams for a season or two. I was never really a diehard Like my mom was a fucking med fan. Yeah, my mom's a med fan to med fan to the debts It's late since before they won like she was telling me stories about 66 Yeah, 67 and shit like that. So when they won in 69, she was fucking crazy Then in 73 we actually went to all the play ice, right? I saw Pete Rose beat up but Harrelson the whole fucking deal And it was like then they got really shitty. Yeah, and it used to yeah in Spanish She would call them little mess, right? But

Meow means piss so the buster balls guys were coming to the barn go. Oh, yeah, boom put the TV game I'm a little meow My mom would look at them like you motherfucker My mother was also a Boston Red Sox fan So I saw her like she fucking gambled on these things So she just hated the Yankees fan and a Red Sox man. She just hates the Yankee So when the Red Sox played the Cincinnati Reds, I thought was the only team I think I ever slept over. I was a fan of theirs for like six years seven years the big red machine

Yeah, everything about them. So when they played Boston, I'm in the game seven I got my hands and knees and say God, you don't understand if I lose this game Every time I wake up, they'll be red something something. She'll torment me man. Don't do this to me But I don't know what that feeling is to I'm blaming you for that loss then to start with somebody when they're nine when they won nine games It's like the people who were the fans in the what's that movie when they go to Cleveland? Oh, I'm with the major league. Yeah, major league one of the greatest movies. Yeah, that's hilarious movie That's one of my favorite movies of all time. That's the reason why in the longest yard

I came out with a chocolate. Yeah, because surrounding That's right. That's the main reason. Yeah, I don't fuck around. I was I love major league Tom Beringer Everybody but the fans that had the drums in the beginning. Yeah, and the guy goes it went too far What are you talking about? He gets up and he walks away with the drum those type of people But that was you know, you talked about the Mets though That was the same way with the Mets, right? If you remember because yeah, the Mets suck right after 73 Shit just went downhill and the Yankees got better

That was when Steinbrenner started building the Yankees, right? Then you had the late 70s early 80s You had Reggie Jackson and Ron Gidry and you know Thurman Munson and on and on right so the Yankees are unstoppable and then the Mets are at the bottom, right? The Mets absolutely suck and then they get a kid named Darryl Strawberry, right? They got a kid named Darryl Strawberry then the next year they get a kid named Doc Gooden, right? This is like 83 84 and then and then you had like Keith Hernandez come in and you had great night right and 86 when the Mets won it in 86 we went nuts that year as a MET fan

You went and that team and then they look back like we were talking earlier about 30 for 30 you ever see that that Everybody on that team was drunk Hi, right. You had what was his name nails there's Centipede extra Dijkstra, right? We found out Dijkstra was a speed freak, right? Strawberry was on cocaine doc was on cocaine Keith Hernandez was a drunk They used to fight in locker room and they won like a hundred games What was the world? What was the dude they had that played all positions except pitched and his uniform?

He was a steroid freak his uniform. He got bigger like that. Yeah, I know you're talking about I don't remember who it was but that was that was one little young brother strong. You know my Mookie. No, no, no He was a man But that was that's what it that's what it's so that's what it's like to stick with a team Because because again in New York like that's how you were you're right about LA fans LA fans I was telling a friend. I took a friend from Denver to To a clipper game. I said, all right now. Here's what's gonna happen It's gonna fill up about midway through the first quarter, right?

That's when LA people show up, right? And then in the fourth quarter when about seven eight minutes left Everyone's gonna just start leaving. It's just like a dodger game. You have good. You go to dodger games. Lee Nobody said every this dodger game last from the second inning to the seventh inning. That's it And that that's LA fans LA LA fans are like that So so growing up in New York you learned that you know, you were a fan no matter what, you know I mean like you you stuck with the team No matter what so that that's how I learned to be a fan So my mom were gonna batting practice and yeah, yeah, you get to the Santeria on Willie Starjewel

Yeah fucking the weather was coming in my mother would sit there and give them the evil eye I put a chicken's leg on the floor and shit, right if the game starts at 730 you would air by at least six six thirty Drinking you watch face you watch batting practice and then you stayed for the whole game He stayed for the whole you know, and it'd be like nine nothing in the ninth inning You're like I ain't going nowhere. I'm waiting for the last out, you know, where's LA fans You know, I don't know every everyone's gonna beat traffic at the same time, right? So I usually last from the beginning of the dodger games to about the six to seven. Yeah when I take my uncle He's Cuban so he goes to the national anthem

All the way to the end. Yeah, just sit there and look at the field and tell stories Like we hit the fuck alley in G. I got to take you to a clipper game. I'm gonna take you to a clipper game You sure? Yeah, absolutely. I'm gonna take you to come with time. What time is the game game game starts at 730 We're gonna be that we're gonna be that what time do you leave here when I usually leave here about 530 So it's an hour. Yeah, that's it. No, no, they're not Nana. I'm that downtown staples really damn Joey Where you been man? They ain't been in Anaheim. Oh, this is what I'm talking about Uncle Joey, come on man, they left and That's why I won't go to one of the fucking games. I thought that no wonder hey Lee no wonder he didn't get to the game

He was down in Anaheim wonder where's everybody at shit. I thought they played in fucking Anna. Ah, Joey D I'm gonna go down You can take a train right from here. Yeah, you take a trip. Yeah, right down the street. You take the train to Staples Yeah, right the state. Yeah, we go to state. No, I got to take you to a game Get a nice fucking steak over there. Yeah, yeah, gentlemen Flemmings. Yep, go to Flemmings get the fucking And then go over to a Laker game Clipper game man, I went to a Laker game two years ago. I got like medium tickets. I took my friend as kids We had a good time. I went to a Laker game this season with Christmas. Was it like yeah, it was Christmas day

I think it was Christmas day. Yeah, it was Christmas day because my boy had tickets and His wife was like you ain't going to a basketball game. It's Christmas. So you just called me up I was like Shane doing shit. So I'll go yeah, but um, I want to see the Godfather 3 on Christmas Day Godfather 3 came out on Christmas day. That was the beginning of the end of my marriage right there When she's like, we're going up to my parents. I was you know, we know I love that and I'm like you robot and I'm sorry. No, don't be sorry man. That's funny. Don't be sorry My heart at times I was such a sports kid like the last week. I watched the NT double X. It was North Carolina Yeah, I'm an ACC. Yeah, I've always loved watching Carolina. I love North Carolina. I like Duke

Love I also like the big East. See nobody ever said that nobody ever said I love North Carolina And I love Duke. No, I love though. I love that whole fucking division Georgia Tech. I love that whole fucking division Who's that? That's me my Carolina blue. Oh shit. Look You know, the only time I got mad at Carolina was when I bombed the Chapel Hill. Oh shit. I did the college and Slow that I did the greatest show at that school. You know went to school there Louis Black Louis Black went to Carolina So every year he goes back and he takes a couple of comics and you do like lectures He went to the drama school. So you you talk to the kids about and then you do a show

So I went there. It was me him and Kathleen Madigan. How great a show is that? Oh, it's great. We didn't bomb That I wrote let I used to write letters to Bill Foster. Oh, no shit That's how fucking old I go back. He used to send me all the workouts and shit There was a kid who went to North Carolina that I fell in love with at a young age. His name was Michael Coran He was number 31 and he was from Jersey City, New Jersey and I knew about him I had heard about him. He went to Hudson Catholic. Yeah, and That thing about when he fucking somebody got hurt and he started. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've heard that story Yeah, yeah, and then he fucking drilled 31 points against Glenn Gondel. Yeah, Glenn Gondel

UNLV who was a fucking machine years later that dude tried to shoot himself and he missed How do you miss I don't know we shot himself on the right for him bold and commit him and his brothers to it I'm gonna go on just like Glenn was really good. Yeah, but the brother was in Phoenix snorting up a bunch of coke with Walter Davis What a fucking thing you're dealing with Joey, but He was a non-defense motherfucker, but he could on the Walter Davis is the turn they lead up Lee Joey's like a guy with Alzheimer's like he remembers shit from 30 years ago. Yeah, but he doesn't know that the clippers No, I do I'm telling you Walter Davis little Gonders egg and my ex-wife went to school with the Gonders eggs

They're from Boulder, but the funny thing was years later Glenn Sold real estate and his wife broke up. So he tried to shoot himself in the heart with a 22 a rifle and he missed his heart So on Christmas day you hit 20 fucking 20 footers Yeah, but you missed your heart with a 22 cocksucker, but you know, you know, it's funny about that You say like yeah, he's selling real estate because that's how it was back there, right? Any athlete who played prior to the 80s is pissed off because when they left basketball football baseball, whatever They had to get a job. Yeah, whenever whenever you're walking in like those 30 for 30s They're all like doctors or like they don't have like actual

Like now if you play two contracts like you should never have to work for the rest of your life, right? Just but back back then it was like yeah I played in the NBA for 10 years and now I've run a car wash, right? Because I was you see the 30 for 30 where everybody lost their money every one of them Broke yeah, but so what do you mean? They all bought for some reason athletes buy car washes. They all Dijkstra bought car washes What's the name a guy who choked the coach? You remember a few years ago each he got kicked out of basketball Choking up coach. Yeah, he had car washes. That was the one thing they all would for some reason

According to breaking bad car washers. It's a cash business Yeah, well, they should have been breaking bad, but yeah, who was on that busted special that's broken. Oh, you know, ah, man Who who was the surprise? Um Let's I'm trying to remember his name because he played for Miami. He won a championship in Miami came off the bench Antoine Walker well Antoine Walker was one of the big ones He was a Celtic and Antoine Walker, but he he had like some big money contracts. He was a superstar in NBA I'm pretty sure he ended up broke. You know who lost Kurt Schilling. Oh, yeah Kurt Schilling put like a hundred million dollars into some cable TV

No, it was it was and it was right next to my house It was a he was a video game developer and he was doing it in Massachusetts And he got this huge loan from the state of Rhode Island to move and then like a few years Within a few years the company was bankrupt and the state didn't get their money back Yeah, and then Antoine Walker was a Celtic. He had a hundred and eight million million dollars in earnings and bankruptcy Yeah, yeah, but there were there were a lot of people on that show who lost a lot of money There were football players and football players who went broke on it I just read you tell about being an old met fan and this was just a sad story to me

Ed Cranepool was trying to sell his World Series ring to get a kidney operation And I'm like if you're baseball if you Ed Cranepool was like a star for the Mets, you know Like you just think the league would be like what what's operation costs a hundred grand a hundred fifty great You know what I mean like they should just pay for that, right? I mean a guy played baseball. He gave his heart and soul whatever. He was a superstar and now he's he's a retired guy Not that old probably Ed Cranepool night every taking what will get dollars towards the fucking right and you pay for the operation Or just the Mets just say look man. Here's a hundred grand. You know what I mean just for their doctor do it for being Ed Cranepool Yeah, yeah, but you said you said something when you came in and I thought it was really you said

Like the people who made it or the kids staying out at the court. Oh, yeah And it's really crazy to think about like an 18 year old. They've been playing probably since what they were six Yeah, so that's already 12 years and they may be played for another 12 year. That's a 20 They have their career, but they're done by the time they're 30 and then they have to just live For 60 more years, right? I mean, it's not you know, it's one of those things right being a pro athlete It's it's everything you can imagine it's glamour its money is this and that but it is a job It is hard work, especially in the NFL, you know, when you see an old football player And when I say old I don't mean that old when you see a 50 year old guy who used to be in the NFL

It hurts for that guy to move right every step he takes you see him like I was with this girl to the Clipper game and and She loved dock rivers, right? And she was like, why does he walk like that? I was like because his knees are gone like that's the old ball player walk like every old ball player Has that walk because their knees are trashed, you know what I mean? That's just the nature of the midnight But you make it, you know, you make a ton of money But now players know how to save their money But back then they didn't know how to save their money

You got to get a job or the other thing they do like do you buy buy businesses by I don't know car dealerships A lot of them have car dealerships John L. Way always like the biggest car dealer west of the Mississippi assumption, right? Like Russell restbook owns a jeep. Yeah, he owns one dealership and man eyes. Yeah, he just bought it put his name on it Yeah If you go there in a suit, that's too small. That's half green half pink. You get a 20% discount See, I'm a friend of Russ. You wear glasses with no lenses. I just don't Okay, now out of all the players they showed how many were African-american

surprisingly Not all of them not all because it was one and when I say that there was a good number of white players because That's the kind of show, right? That's the kind of thing that they would always try to the racist anger Right racist thing. Look at the black guy as you gave him money and they screwed it all up But like I say there were guys like Kurt Schilling and Len Dykstra Lenny Dykstra ended up in jail, right? He was a whole financial swindler and all this there were yeah, it was There were more black players, but there were white players, too. They said they didn't They didn't make it like you know a black thing. They didn't make it. You know, it's very hard to explain the people when you grow up with

Nothing and they throw a hundred million dollars at you. You got to buy mama house You got to buy a Rosa house. You got a thousand cousins that show up You know somebody told me years ago Eddie Griffin supported twenty-nine people. I believe it. I believe it. Yeah, I believe it I mean, you know, the other thing is like they they did a Special it was called one and done and it was about Ben Simmons the kid from Australia came to play for No, he played for LSU Louisiana State for one, you know, because I have that rule now, right? You got to play college ball for one year before you go to the NBA, right? so he came in he played one year at LSU and

He didn't make the tournament and blah, but but he was still the number one pick so School was still going but he left because he wasn't there to go to school and he had a meeting with Nike and a meeting with Adidas, right? Now think back think back to when you were 19. Okay, think about being 19 and You meet with Nike and Adidas To figure out you know what I'm saying like people talk about these ball players like oh, you're an idiot you wasted a lot of money at 19 you are an idiot, right? You are and suddenly you're going from I don't have shit I'm a college student blubber to Nike and Adidas are fighting to each give you millions of dollars forget about your NBA salary This is just your sneaker money

so so you you know so Nobody teaches you that right nobody like you said if you come from nothing Nobody teaches you to be a millionaire No, if you if your family had money they teach you how to be a millionaire you learn about taxes you learn about Investments you learn blah blah blah blah blah But if you come not even you don't even have to be poor if your middle class right your mom was a secretary like me Okay, my mom was a secretary Accounting clerk and my dad was with sanitation right now if I suddenly at 19, I gotta go meet with Adidas and

Nike who's gonna teach me what to say when I walk in that room, you know what I mean like you you don't know They're each offering you millions of dollars right and then you got to get an agent to sign a contract with the NBA Nobody teaches you this shit So so the the amazing thing is people like LeBron who kept it together LeBron came out of high school and Built and built that enterprise that is him. You know I'm saying and I don't know about you But I did not walk out of high school prepared to be the number one player in the NBA I might have had a problem See to me

I would think that if you grew up that poor Sort of how LeBron has kept it together that if you grew up that poor and saw how terrible it is to be poor You'd be a little bit more careful 24 is 24 and the other thing I mean LeBron wasn't poor LeBron grew up He did know some people who knew some stuff who gave him some good advice But but but that's what I'm saying No, you don't even have to be poor if you if you're working class if you're blue collar and Suddenly somebody gives you enough money to have anything you want and like you said Joe

You want to give back right so you got to take care of mom and dad and then you got your cousin like like AI right? What AI had that gang that protected him right here to take care of all of them, right? These were these were his boys But AI grew up in a neighborhood where you you know that gang banging you get shot and shit and these boys took care of him How do you think that warms like getting taken care of do you get like a paycheck every week? Do you just go to the lot of them money whenever you want no a lot of them work for them? They they're literally on their payroll Doings I mean you had what did MC Hammer have 40 guys on his payroll or some shit, you know

He ended up broke right broke as fuck MC Hammer was buying race horses You know, I buy a race horse I give you a hundred million dollars when you're when you're 24 years old You you don't you don't consult with a financial consultant. You don't do dick you call mama Yeah, and mama says baby you move to Beverly Hills and you go to Beverly Hills and you spent 12 million You're not even thinking about taxes. You know how they get the tax trouble, right? You're getting about 28% of the fuck right 40 whatever the fuck the rate is you're not really thinking You know who who did that he was funny, but he was smart Eddie Murphy. He said he the read they said

Why'd you hire your boys? He said cuz I know where their mamas live He said you can't steal from me when I know where your mama lives. Where you going? I Call your mom Gas station Yeah, but Yeah, but even then and then even then you read about the financial advisors they have ripping them off You know what I mean like you get so who do you trust? You know unless you you got someone in the family or you got you learned from the now

You learned from the veteran ball players, you know the veteran ball players like a don't do this Don't do this do this do that right? Here's here's the latest thing. I don't know if you heard about this That NBA ball players are using tinder to hook up Keep some out of the clubs because you know, they always get in trouble in clubs right there He's getting to a fight to get drunk So now they just using tinder and just hooking up with chicks and the coach likes it because now he doesn't have to worry About his play is being in the street because the girls just come to the hotel So any girls listen if you get if you get hit up by a guy on tinder and he's like six eight

And he says he works at night from like seven thirty to ten fucking swipe right in town In town for one at all. Yeah, he's in town for one night working from seven thirty to ten. You better swipe right Living in Denver. No, I was living in Aspen and the Denver Nuggets were playing the Philadelphia 76 December 28 1983 And me and three of my dogs rented a plane for like 75 hours a piece We had it was 250 for the ride round trip And we came to Denver and we fucking went to the game. I think the six is lost And then we went out. We didn't know what to do

So they said just follow the ballplayers or whatever. Yeah, this was 1983 Well, you know exactly we're going and we went to this place and it was fucking filled with all of them But we weren't getting in right. It was just hot chicks and the Broncos would go. Yeah, that's when the Broncos had that It was a little after none. I was little I moved when I moved that Boulder in 87 I would go to those parties and the Broncos would be in there snagging up bitches the three amigos Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, I remember that me goes when they're snagging up bitches and I used to go to a place in Lynnhurst, New Jersey Called the Sheridan and there were the first people in 1985 that had a happy hour in the hotel

But that's when the generals were in New Jersey. So it would be the generals The Knicks will go there anybody from a star and screw the gang would hang out there My friend's apartment burnt down so the insurance company put her over there and she's like you got to come over here You got to see who's down there. There was a big neck in those days. Well on the chunky side 85 Don something a center. I think he was there while Ewing was there But he played the bench He used to hang there so Lawrence Taylor walking there one night with football shorts and a leather jacket Down to his ankles

Well, like a cowboy hat on I was like, oh, this is fucking real Those fucking hangouts you think we're gonna go talk to people. Nobody wants to fucking talk. No, that's why I never I thought they don't want to talk to us here. Yeah But that's the life, you know, that's the life nobody nobody trains you for now But now it's different because now they know You know ballplayers take care of the bodies. They stay in shape They don't party too hard during the season that they do now and then but yeah, it's it's a different game It's crazy. Listen in comedy. There's no more crazy people. Yeah. Yeah, ten years ago

You hear about this guy getting fucked up or this guy doing heroin Comedy's crazy. Yeah, you'd hear about some guy getting a blowjob and a fucking freezer. Oh, yeah Taking the chicks a ball to go I Don't know who did that. I'm a 15 20 years ago every weekend. It was either in those days George Lopez Mitch Hedberg or the dude from in living color and then he finally snapped Oh, Tommy Tommy. Yeah, and Miami, but all the last five years There's no comedians. No, no, nobody

Nobody's smoking. Nobody's drinking. Nobody's caused the fights. Nobody's getting fired. Really, you know You had Danny Myrne when he was still alive. He was firing bitches down there every couple weeks. Yeah, people learn man No, nobody's doing nothing. You know, I go to a club now and I don't even see the fucking people It's so weird like I do my show You know, and the old days you went out with the waitstaff right the waitstaff kind of yeah, you can't I mean they still do it But yeah, not crazy not crazy. No, it's not like you go to the list not like the comedy condo was where everybody partied Oh, we're not that shit is done. What was the craziest comedy you went up? Mine was El Paso

That was the one I never did that one, but I heard about the El Paso one I did the one in Tempe when Dan Murrow was running Tempe Tempe was a party That was probably my favorite club for a long me too. It's still one of my favorites Yeah, that was and he used to have the condo for single people. Yeah the corner, right, right? You cross the street the block away. Yeah, I used to bring dirty people What do you mean condo for single people like if you were just if you were Let's say the headliner was fucking George Carlin And you don't want to stay at the Tempe beaut hotel 10 miles away up right included in the mountains

You were the feet jack you like listen. I'm just getting a small fucking envelope here I don't have time to be paying $32 for two eggs and a slice of organic Angel hair bacon, so I'm gonna stay right here by myself. They got cable. They got electricity. Yeah, that's what they do Tremendous The headliner got the hotel when you bring your own sheets I've been thinking about that and I just other people's sheets frigging me out. No, you just go with how they would pull them No, they had a they had a maid that coming on Monday It was only in a real shitty condos like I was in some town in

Michigan or somewhere where like some road comic passing through would crash in the condo like Tuesday Oh my god, you know, but most of them like Tempe was a good one where they'd have yeah They had it clean every week. It was clean. It was a single anyway Yeah, they didn't but you have to share it with somebody else. No other comedian. Yeah Yeah, I'm a little over Texas. I had a shape share it with some guy froggy bottom froggy The other comics feet the headline is feet from the other fucking room. I remember Appleton. Oh Man, we were in this three bedroom condo and I hooked up with this chick and this chick was out of her mind She was just fucking my brains out with it and the fucking feature had to listen

I hated those condos we got feature had to listen all night. Hey All right, and then you come in the condo and it like the biggest bedroom the room with the TV That was the headliners room. The worst that was the headline of all time. You ready? The walkie when the comedy club. Oh, man across the door didn't even lock it was horrendous he rented that house, right? It was like a house. It was a house of horror The carpet was yellow. They had a waterbed from the 80s. Yeah, he was a biker, right? Yeah, he was a biker. Yeah, yeah, he would pay you a gun on the table Any barbecue like on Saturday

All the door had fucking suits. Yeah, I remember the three-piece suits. He was a bandido. Yeah, he was a bandido Vice president. So when you got there on Thursday night, he took you out to dinner. Yeah. Yeah You had a man. I was close the restaurant. It was like it was like being in a fucking gangster movie The restaurant was closed and they'd open it up and they had the big table just for you You have some mistress. He had and the feature act man and then Friday He would cook at the restaurant. Yeah, and then Saturday He would barbecue outside when you get that it'd be a guy. It could be 19 feet of snow Yeah, he'd be barbecue and the guy would shovel out the pit and he'd be out there cooking

They come into the ring room. It was that old like cut a barrel in half like cut up. Yeah Once was like, hey, man, could you clean up the hell? No, man You you were dealing with a with a biker man. You just condo. It was just shut up and slept Motel six you guys could split or no, but the good thing about that condo was But if you walked out of the condo walk straight across the street if you walked maybe 50 feet That's what the bar was. Yeah, and if you walked 30 feet from there They would have Italian sauce of sandwiches. That was the Italian neighborhood and that's where Donnie Brasco busted everybody When I was up there all those guys that Donnie Brasco busted was getting out of jail because he busted a family Milwaukee before he

busted the bananas Bro leave for $2. They gave you a meatball sandwich that was like this with three fucking huge meatballs You squished it down. I was in there every day. They had Chinese up the corner Lee That would make you a fucking little stinky asshole go bananas But the other thing Lee you didn't like back then you didn't even think it getting your own hotel like that thought never crossed Probably could have you probably could have went to not the fire was in a week. There wasn't anything close That was one thing. There wasn't anything close, but yeah, you were getting paid 500 bucks a week So you it wasn't like you're gonna spend 200 bucks on a motel like that was that was it got

So you just slept in the condo and and prayed for the best. Yeah more slippers How a roadside meatball sandwich is okay. Those are definitely lizard meatballs. What roadside you said roadside In the neighborhood, this was a delicate test. I was in the neighborhood and it was a house He had a house he had a house on the street I don't know if he rented it or owned it or whatever But I don't know how he owned it. He had a house and the comics would stay in this is this is the Italian neighborhood It's what I'm trying to say to you So there was a little delicatessen with the hanging cheese and the fucking meats nicest condo was comedy works in Denver

Yes in that tower downtown. It was like on like the 24th floor like it was like a Real condo, they still have a nice Yeah, I like the whole time a hotel I That was when I did last comic standing that was the biggest change of no more condos from here on out just hotels Just hotels just hotels and they got to do it. Yeah, and they you know, you got to get a yeah So that that's a big difference. No, I haven't slept in a condo. It's got to be since Tempe Yeah, but now a lot of them don't even have condos like a lot of places

Either they use a local feature or the feature got a you know get by on his own Now you got a lot of the clubs make the feature acts get by on there, which I think is shitty Yeah, it is shitty it is shit. Well, it's okay if you're a big enough name to afford to carry your feature But like me, I don't know where you are and it's okay. I'm like I'm okay, but I ain't that big Yeah, I was listen, you know what but it's hard to wear. I don't mind bringing somebody You know, I mean they got to know it's a hundred a set. Yeah, or whatever the fucking is I pay for the hotel Yeah, if light or something like whatever, you know, I take care of them But you know this a lot of people contact me and they go I can you take me and I'm like saying I got a wife and a kid

Right, it's hard. I mean you can do it. I lose do it, but you get you know, you can't I lose like a thousand off the back Right to do it every time you got a little forward. It's like an employee It's like having an employee so I look at the plane ticket and I see if I can get a standby ticket Like if I can get a upgrade on American if I like like anything except for Chicago. Mm-hmm If it's a 530, I always plan it out And if I get the first you know I'm saying like if I normally get the first class then I'll get a feature act Yeah, just to consolidate anyway, right put it just to help somebody out Anyway, I like to travel alone. You know, I see you I really do. Yeah, so I really do. I'm a machine

I know exactly how I like to do it how I want to do it You know, I have a way of doing it. I leave on the first flight. I come back on the first flight I want to be home before everyone. Everyone knows me. They know I call lax my office. Like where you going? I'm hitting to the office, right? I know how to get through the airport. I got all the security stuff I got you know, I got TSA pre I got global entry. I got Nexus all of that shit and That's why you see me getting pissed at Delta whenever they fuck up, you know Delta Delta the last one I showed Lee I was coming out of It's coming out of Wichita, Kansas. I'm on a flight 620 in the morning. It's 540. I'm at the airport There's no gate listed

This is so it's like where do you like you got to have a gate? There's no No listing of a gate. I was like Delta instead of worrying about letting people wear leggings on the plane Tell me what the fuck the plane's taking off Now what are leggings? What were they pissed about? Yoga pants the yoga pants so they threw two chicks off because they had yoga players. Yeah, yeah Delta did this Oh, you're not United did it But what United is saying is because they were flying on the free passes and on the free pass Yes, yes address code there is so it's so they were like they're not you know

But but see United fucked up because they should have just put it on that one gate agent and said look there was a misunderstanding at the gate We're sorry, you know blah blah blah, but instead they said no, there's a dress code like like they tried to To back it up when they should have just backed off. You know Alonzo this week. I flew with sweatpants Nobody bothered and I felt really guilty Yeah Because I've been flying since I was fucking five and you always put a suit on yeah, you know You always put a fucking suit on especially if you get an upgrade at the first class right if I get an upgrade My wardrobe gets upgrade. I wear a college shirt. I wear a nice jacket. My sneakers are fucking clean

You know I'm saying I didn't know you own sweatpants. I don't think I've ever seen no They sent me those sweatpants and I started thinking about you know, what's going on Alonzo as you know these fucking airports You got to be in shape. Yeah, you can't be a fat fucking these airports. I train at airports Okay, because that's what you really do. You know when you get in the elliptical and you go 5.0 for 10 minutes bitch get the fucking Dallas airport Chicago You know, there's a couple of them that in between flights. You got a fucking rock and roll No, the the thing I don't like I don't want to see men in flip-flops on the plane Please we discussed this already when they put their feet up

Yeah fucking throw darts at these motherfuckers, you know, you know what I want I want them to like pour hot water like ever You know, there's people that just filthy people. Yeah, and they never even get it They're so they're so arrogant that they would never understand like people who take this flip-flops off and put their foot on the wall Yeah drives me crazy. I go up to them to smack them and go who raised you I rather see 50 women in in Leggons, you know tights or whatever and one guy in flip-flops. It's uh, it's really fucking embarrassing How some people just they just show up. I went to LAX the other day and Thursday and you know me I get there an hour early because I want to eat something before you're gonna play in something good I want I'm gonna see my yolks, right? I don't want to see that fucking fake yoke with a biscuit. You're killing yourself to live and

The other day Alonzo I saw something at the airport. I thought and I'd never seen this before I saw a fine-ass sister Who I think I could have gave her 300 and suck the pussy at the airport this bitch had a thong on At the airport with a negligee over a bar, you know, we get the burgers with the egg on it like the see-through thing American Airlines game 47 through 49 up there I was just I wanted to get because I was gonna New York paper. It's a long flight. I got a New York paper I spring the two for the New York Post or the fucking Daily News. Whatever they sell it right there I used to shoplifting but it's bad car. I just pick it up and walk out of there But I saw this sister dog and every time this chick got up and walked around like she was just something

She was a stripper Something wasn't right like if she wanted a lemon she couldn't ask the bartender, right? She'd get up and walk all the way around the you know the trucks I'm talking about to the side then she'd walk back and you'd see guys with their fucking wives Just look and I gotta taste and the chick was banging. Yeah, she had asked for days You so many pictures of menus why can't you take a picture of a girl and because it's pretty and bad Look at my look at my white hair. Can you imagine me walking up to a woman with a fucking camera walk up to her? Well, what are you gonna take it from telescopic fucking lenses? It's a fucking iPhone. Where's Tony Bennett my favorite? Oh?

I want to be around To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart As I I Somebody Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you to learn

That miss so anyway, where you gonna be at the next few weeks brother. I'm headed to New York I'm going to Liberty Live, New York. I was just there. Yeah some others late show guy got hit in the head with a bottle Came out. He said I loved it's the best night of my life I was I'm gonna be there next week the 12th to the 15th, and then I'm doing a couple of military shows the following week I'm bouncing around Texas Let I got a bounce but not before I go before I go. I got to tell you my favorite airport story I love this so so I'm in Chicago hair in Chicago right 6 a.m. Flight You know so you get there like you said you're there at 4 30 in the morning. There's nobody there. I walked by the gate

Laying on the floor sleep looking like a homeless guy Ron Jeremy right because Ron at his best looks like and it was so funny So I just walked by he's laid out on the ground, and I just looked down and said hey What's up Ron, and he just looks up opens like one eye. Hey, what's up Alonzo, and then goes right back to sleep He's what the fuck you call that shit. He's one of those people that falls asleep elliptic. Yeah, he's not collected Yeah, he's beautiful though. He's a good guy, but it was just so because everyone's looking at him on the ground They're like what the hell you know because usually people sleep on the benches or not He's just laying on the floor. You don't give a feel. Don't give a show Ass in America. You don't care about some dirty coffee. I love that guy. We shake my hand. I feel weird

Yeah, you gotta go wash your hand right after it. You don't know if he's saying he's cool or shit He comes on the show with hopper. Yeah a guy that owns the hook of fucking home Oh, yeah, I've been half in the half. Yeah, it's half. Yeah, so he came on with him Bro, he's great guy the harmonic That was right at the beginning of my edible training yeah, and I couldn't handle the harmonic that was my favorite I sweat dialed never forget. That was my favorite airport moment. Hey, what's up, Ron? Hey, what's up, Lonto? Lately a couple weeks ago. I flew with Charles Barkley. Oh, yeah He sat right next to me and say a word like three quarters and I finally looked them as a dog was cracking

If I don't see anybody at the fucking am I don't see many but I don't see when I do that they're cool Thursdays I see Hugely. Oh, yeah, DL. Yeah Going back and forth because it shows in New York, right he's doing his show When I last time I saw DL. I saw him at Newark Airport and he was doing some shows in New York You know, he's got this radio show now. I didn't know that yeah He's got syndicated radio. So he was recording. I think he mainly does them here, but he was doing some in New York But yeah, and then I bumped into Wanda at the airport. She couldn't have been last week. Yeah

Yeah, she's great Wanda's just cool, you know, so that was fun It's either I'm on a plane with six comics and by myself. Yeah, but you know, we all take the same flight Yeah, we're always on that either the red eye the night. I don't take the red. I fuck. I'll do the red I sometimes or we're on the cracker crack of dawn. I Can't there's only one day I can sleep on jet blue mid Yeah, I popped that seat back and you ain't gonna see me till we get there. All right. I gotta love your brother I'm happy you made it over. Oh, it's a pleasure to see our flavor on the show. We're going to a clipper game, brother Days I'm always trying to put some flame. I want some diversity. I love that shit

I love you brother. Hey, say hi to Thank you very much. Yeah, we'll see him tomorrow. Thank you very much brother for making it There's a gate out there. You just walk. You don't even have to open. Oh, you need the gate open There's a door right by the Thank you, Alonzo for making a fucking appearance. I love you What's up, Lisa at how's the 2,200? You're the new Pete Rose of fucking edibles? 2,000 hits 2,000 milligrams. I wish I had something prepared. I'm feeling I'm feeling good I've been I've been doing 2,000 a night since last week. I don't know about the soda thing people

So you stick the thing back in I I show my cup every night You tip the cup people said they seen your tip in the cup. It's okay I know you're never gonna eat 2,000 when you're Well, I'm able to handle this one without at such an early time of the day no dinner So you before Alonzo left you and him were talking about how like you you're always going off to different places Is it lonely being a comedian like just throughout your whole day like because it like it's weird Like you're in different towns even when you're home You don't really get to hang out really you can but it's like always kind of a competition when I'm home

I have my hands fully right who's not calling What audition I'm not getting ready. I'm writing a chapter the book. I gotta get back today I had plans, but Mercy had a party at one So I couldn't go to Jiu Jitsu. So I had to work out at the house. I hit the bag I did a bunch of shit and I went to this party, you know when I'm home I'm as busy as I can handle look at last week last week. I Came back from Nike on Sunday Monday to the podcast, right? I had a fucking audition Monday. I booked a job Tuesday I had a shoot Wednesday had to do the show and do the podcast Wednesday night

You know Thursday. I was on a fucking playing the buffalo. Okay, you know Friday. I'm on so my point is Since when I'm home. I'm always busy when I go on the road. I look forward to it Like my agent said to me one day if you want a TV show, would you still go on the road apps of fucking Lutely? I'd go on the road the week I had off in the TV show Why because I enjoy it's it's three days that I get the only thing that fucked me up the last three weeks was my computer I have to go get a new computer. Oh, it's done. But besides that I enjoy those three days There's no loneliness for me. I'm an only child. I welcome it I get up in the morning at four in the morning. My wife doesn't have to be up. I don't need no help

I don't need somebody to wake me up and go Joey. You're gonna miss your flight. That's not me I'm prepared. You know I'm packed When I get up in that morning There's a way to do this and you figure out that whatever you're doing in your life There's always a way to prepare it to make your journey easier Whatever it is if you're gonna have to drive to San Diego five days a week What do you have to do? What do you need in your car? Those are the things you start to realize what you know something happens. You could overcome it

But I'm prepared on a plane You know, I'm not frustrated on a plane six hours. I got the ipod I got a book. I got a notebook I got a fucking edible or a fucking valium or a viking and I got something I got a movie You know, there's always something to do When I get off a plane Lee, I'm by myself, man

I got a fucking car. I go to the hotel. I check in You know, I Take my clothes off. I take a shower. I come back. I look at the menu at the hotel I know what options are around me. I go to my roller joint. I go for a walk around the neighborhood. I smoke some dope I get something I go back to my room. I prepare my set For the eight o'clock show I do my fucking hour I take some pictures. I go back to the hotel room. I'm planning on doing radio Friday morning. That's my social

I see the two radio dudes. I eat some donuts or whatever whoever the acupunctures comes in whatever the fuck I'm back in my hotel room by 10 o'clock before I walk in my hotel room. I smoke a joint So when I go upstairs, I take a little nap I get up. I go eat some lunch I come back. I write and then I do a late workout like from five to six They're not picking me up till quarter eight You know, I go to cvs before I do that workout and get three milkshakes for the weekend So I have two milkshakes after my workout and I have a milkshake for sunday morning before I leave

I go do the two shows. I come back. I'm wiped out league Right. The next day is beautiful. I get up early I eat breakfast at the hotel. I smoke a joint. I send emails. I write I check in for the flight Okay, and I take another nap and that gives me a three hour nap till about 12. Maybe one o'clock One o'clock. I wake up. I go eat lunch. I roll a joint smoke and go back. I start packing By 3 30. I'm packing I'm packing and writing at the same time and watching whatever movies on tnt or whatever the fuck I'm writing Four o'clock. I go to the gym. I work out. I come back same thing protein shake

If there's a piece of salmon at the hotel, I order it from upstairs so I don't have to sit at the bar That's fine. I already make friends at the bartender. So all my time is efficient You're always being efficient There's no re you don't have 40 minutes to sit at a restaurant to talk and uh, you know what I'm saying like I don't have it I'd rather do all that stuff by myself Like last week I had matt fulcher on the nyac. We met for lunch and that's it. Right That's it. He doesn't really he doesn't smoke in the daytime before he's set So we would smoke when I come back again with joint. He'd go downstairs by himself. So that's your question

No, I'm not lonely at all And I'm not trying to get like a real sad story out of you But was it different when you were doing like the months on the road by yourself? Like just because I've been thinking about like that was different. Right. That was a different time for me It was a big big big struggle And even that made it interesting for a guy like me how to survive week to week To snorkeling have a hotel room And eat and all that stuff during the week when you're surviving on $500

So you you got to check on saturday in my world. It would be like 300 after the four advances of $50 So for 300 bucks, I would have to last Four days plus get in between destinations So if I had to go from michigan to To new york I had to figure out a way to get from michigan to new york Or or let's say I was going from michigan from sagin on michigan to

Detroit Right, right. So I wouldn't go back home I would have to figure out how to stay in michigan The cheapest I could eat the way I could Until thursday and so I could check into the new hotel So was it almost like you were just too Poor or like too you just too much to do to to to be lonely to be sad like you just had too much I wasn't sad. I was never sad. There was never nothing to be sad about you're doing what you love

You know when you start comedy or you start going to school Before you do it. You really got to love it if you don't love it if you can't do it for free You don't really want to do it. All right. So with comedy. I found myself doing it for free for Four years now somebody was giving me 500 a weekend to do seven shows I was in heaven Yeah, some weeks you stayed at a shitty condo, but some weeks you stayed at a nice hotel Not the biggest hotel. It could be a motel six But you had cable that gave you a break for four days. I wouldn't think far ahead. I would never plan

I would worry about monday on fucking monday today. I'm gonna enjoy myself in this hotel room That was the mental state of it. See what happens to people as they think about next week and the week after they fold And you don't get nothing done. I would never think about the next couple days All I knew was I was in this hotel till sunday until sunday. I'm gonna be a bad motherfucker. And guess what? Maybe monday when I wake up the girl at the front desk likes me. She says gonna be slow Just give her $40 a day Till fucking third you never knew that was the adventure of it and you'd get a little pissed off You go all I had was 300 and I gave a 120. I got to live off 180 do blow

And get to new york or get to my next destination. Whatever you had to figure it out I would have places where you could take a shower. I would have places like he said there were condos that would be empty let's say you were going from Let's say you were going from philadelphia to rascals in uh west orange It's a two-hour drive three-hour drive You know, but the condo they would let you start to stay there All I had to do on monday morning was get from philadelphia to the condo And I could stay at the rascals condo from monday to thursday. There were so many different ways to survive

That's that and that's how you know about good food and where they're spending, you know, I didn't go to yelp I just had to make my decision and go this is where i'm gonna eat. It's got to be good So I knew there was no You know Taking chances. There's no chances. That's a chinese restaurant. They have a lunch special for 4 95 That's what I mean the whole week for fucking lunch It's gonna fucking do well the soup the entree The salad the fucking fortune cookie and the can of soda. That's what's gonna work some weeks. It was

Subway veggie and cheese sandwiches Some days it was a veggie and cheese sandwich. I would get breakfast at the hotel Now we get a veggie and cheese sandwich and eat one half for lunch and the other half for dinner That's where we go back to sacrifice That's what most people cannot do you always say There's always there's a lot of people who come here and leave What is it? Do you think that finally breaks the straw? Is it that do you think it's the rejection?

What do you think it is that breaks the it's everything combined? It's all three of those things combined and giving up or talking yourself Into doing something Else like it's it's it's a lot of people come here and they think it's easier than what it's supposed to be You know, they think this is just coming out here and being cute and mingling There's so many different things that people really don't know So they don't know what to expect. They think it's just to come out here and you're funny and it's just there's so many things

Maybe they thought that when the funniest kid in their school or the best actor in their school Now you come out here and you see other people who are the funniest and their fucking thing It's like going to a division one college when you're not ready for it And you're a basketball player football player a bat a baseball player You think you're walking in there and you're the best but guess what? Those nine players or those 11 players or those other four players on the team They're the best from their fucking neighborhood And now things don't go your way

You know, there's just so many aspects to quitting something You know, look at what happened last night in the europe seat anthony rumble johnson and they said to him He said he made other commitments You know, i'm thinking if would he quit if he would have won He said he would have he said what he said, you know, he would have quit if he would have won You know Sometimes in life you want to do something for a little while it doesn't work your way You ever see like where are they now?

About like famous bands and now you see him and they're like a whole to paint company and shit life changes league. Yeah Life changes, you know in three years this podcast room might be done And what are we gonna do? We got to move on. We have to adjust to the next fucking venture this thing A lot of people don't want to do that a lot of you know, it's There's a lot of reasons why people give up And i can't judge one of them Yeah, this means him like dc was gonna like i don't know if you saw that that embedded but that he said he was That was the last 205 for you was going to be on but then he just

I really like him. I don't know. I I found he's gotten booed ever since john jones He's done nothing, but like done do a mate like I understand like he's not a super exciting But he wins that's all that matters at the end well The main thing is about quitting, you know, what makes a fucking person want to Break down that was the question you hit me with and I I can't tell you I know I can't judge somebody for doing it. Do I get upset with them? Yes I've gotten upset over the last couple years with a lot of comedians that I thought could have done something

You know, I tell josh wolf about a particular friend of ours But I don't speak to anymore because he's a fucking pathological liar. He just bullshit his way through this town To this day. He's got nothing You know, he's just He got a word he got a word that a lot of people in this town get misconstrued with You know, I always gotta be I always worry about people when they tell me something in their dream and then two days later they become a producer That word is the word the worst word in hollywood the word producer

Everybody wants to be a fucking producer. It doesn't mean anything and it doesn't mean anything, you know, it doesn't mean dick But he wanted me he wanted to be a fucking producer And I sit here now how he went through 80 fucking jobs and now he's finally got like a full-time job You know, josh wolf breaks my balls about it, but I know I'll be over soon because I know his ego I know that in his mind, he'll call you and say well, you're not a man You're not gonna imagine what I did today. I ran this production thing. No, you didn't No, you didn't you never did nothing. You never carried a wire You never did nothing. You never paid your dues

You were a comic and he never paid his dues And what bothered me about this is I got laid back in the seventh grade. I'm no genius. I'm not good-looking. I'm old And I did something at least made strides Right, this guy went from being like an actor to a comic Now he's a producer. You got no respect from me You got no respect from me. You don't even know what the fuck you want to do The easiest thing is just to stick with the road in front of you

But a lot of people want to switch it's not working out for them. So they kind of switch it up a little bit It's scary. I think at a certain point you're worried that the road you're on is going to fail Listen, I had nothing to offer anybody on any level But I knew I didn't want to fail. I didn't want I knew I wasn't going to be Louis C. K. And I knew I wasn't going to be Joe Rogan. I'm still not I'm none of those guys I'm who I am But I did something with it. That's all I ever wanted to do with something is do something with it I would have been very content if I ended up a manager at a subway

Well, not really. I would have been very content if I would have ended up a manager at a good year tire store Or a Subaru dealership. That was my goals when I was a young guy. That's what I thought I'd bail out as Just because I had common sense I knew how to flip a fucking buck. You don't need, you know When you walk into a car dealership and you see these guys and most of them don't even have degrees They're making a hundred thousand dollars a year. These managers don't fucking degrees. They just stuck with something They just stuck with something they became a car salesman one day and they stuck with it

And one day they asked them to become a fucking f and i guy and they stuck with it and they learned that aspect of it And all of a sudden the guy quit and they come to you and they go you want to be the gsm We'll give you 35 000 a year plus eight points of the fucking gross of the business Got yourself a hundred fucking thousand dollar a year job with no college education But you did The american dream you started in the bottom And you went to the fucking top your way. You didn't bullshit yourself around it You know, sometimes somebody has a college degree and they get misconstrued

They come into a place and they think they're gonna learn how to run that place. No I'm still gonna go with the guy that's been here for 12 years before before you You just know how to work a computer and put a fancy suit on and try to you know, I go with experience I always believe An experience experience wins everything you could shortcut your way through something everybody does But the experience is fucking invaluable I think that's the most uh frustrating part for all these kids Coming out of college is that that's that's what the uh, every job says that you need a certain amount of experience

But you it's hard to find a job that that's taking no experience But there's not many jobs out there for for kids right out of college Well, they got they got jobs, but the kids aren't prepared They're not prepared They're not prepared That's also true They're not prepared like we were talking about sports With the kids that come out and they're 20 and they sign a contract

They're not prepared the same way with this young kids, you know But I go experience all the fucking time then you know what get your fucking degree graduate and go work as a cell And then you get it's like when you go to college and you're in the army You come out a Officer right correct. Hmm same thing But guess what those officers still got to go to basic boot camp and they still got to do a bunch of shit And that's what people failed to understand that even though you went to college You still got to pay your dues, bitch. Yeah

That was nothing that just gets you in the door You still got to pay your fucking dues Yeah, the college is the end goal. I think for a lot of people growing up I think it's just get into a good college get into a good college Like probably from like late middle school. Maybe I may probably maybe even earlier now And I to be on I thought of what I wanted to do, but I never thought of the work it was gonna take Nobody does nobody does

I knew when I got into college was 91 In 93 two years later. I realized the work that had to be done And I thought about it long and hard and I go if I do this I'm gonna do this And that's how I got into this I experienced it for two years and I bullshitted people And I lied to my friend. I really lied. I just told him I was a stand-up comic I'm trying to put the pieces together. I wasn't putting no pieces together. I don't even know how to put the I don't even know what the fucking pieces were

But then I realized what the pieces were and I went for it And that's what somebody has to do also You know, you you go to college you still got to I rather still you put the work in So do me a favor. I'd rather you go to get a job at 18 Get go to college at 18, right and take six or eight credits or nine credits, but work at the same time What is that that's busting your ass, but it's not like going to school full time and working Part time

You're working full time, but you're studying part time. It's going to take you a little longer But by the time you graduate, you're going to have experience You're going to be covered in every different fucking angle. That's what a lot of people haven't figured out I'd rather get a job Low-level job at a place learn and at the same time take nine credits a semester. That's still 18 credits You're going to lose a couple when you transfer Right and what I I mean what what I what's being uh Talked about now is a lot of people going to community colleges for the first two years

To get like the Englishes and all those there was a kid that came to nyac that went from like fucking something He was telling me him and his buddy. He wants to be a professional gambler. He's really smart Okay, and he said that you know because of his family you went to a shitty whatever, but he got into Yale Right. Yeah, absolutely and then he gambles on the weekends. He goes to Atlanta city He goes last time he went he won 5600. Wow the Kaiser fucking savage 1920, you know But that's what he wants to do, but he has a day job You know, he was telling me like he he was saying uh, and then there was another guy showed up their attorneys They this is going to be my attorney

So that's the problem that you have That you come out of college and you have no experience in dick except fucking Mopping at the local deli You've no experience and you have like this amazing debt hanging over your shoulders Like hundreds of thousands of dollars Hanging over your shoulders and it's uh, I think it's scary for a lot of people Which is why I think they go for those kind of jobs that maybe they're not ready for believe that

Plagues, I don't know how many fucking Americans everyone and when you're 18 I mean you lucked out you knew About credit you knew that if I gave you a credit card for 10,000 If you I give it to you you got to pay it. Do you think when they first gave me a fucking credit card? Like when I first had my credit card I was very cautious until the age of 30 when I got in the hole, but I learned from that experience I owed on every credit card. I had creditors calling me fucking everywhere letters and I had to disappear

And I don't know how many fucking people told me to go bankrupt Just go bankrupt and start over and I had one buddy who goes don't ever claim liability Disappear that shit falls off your credit rating. And you know what man? I'm sitting here telling you it did I waited out, but I learned And I knew that if I got credit again, I was going to pay every fucking dime back You know, I had a couple judgments against me from attorneys I had one attorney who put a judgment on me for like 2,000 bucks, but I was giving him blow

You know, but I didn't get a receipt. I fucked up. You know I'm saying so that happened to me there There was a lot of uh things mistakes. I made at a young age But once I made the mistake my credit is like fucking impeccable now. Yeah That I'm glad you got it back. Is it like that it was that follows you drilled into my head from I have friends That don't have a life right now. I have 50 year old friends people at home that are listening That do not have a life and do not own anything Because they fucked up their credit and when they got a second chance They fucked it up again. Oh no, once they give you a chance. They watch you very slowly

You work yourself up. You pay your little fucking bills. Don't go overboard And you know what man, I'll tell you I got out of a huge deck guys I can't even tell you the number. I'm so embarrassed to tell I can't even in 1990 Just in credit cards. I probably left 80,000 dollars What what else is there to do because that's where I probably wrote checks Oh, what else and then I got filed a judgment for child support

And then I had to pay all those attorneys back And I fucking paid them back and then I kept snorting and I kept paying back and I kept snorting and paying back. Oh my god, Joey I remember that I finally when I got the longest yard I started getting the credit card Do you know that in one month I spent $5,000 and weed my wife went fucking nuts. No, you didn't on your credit card Yeah, she went nuts. Oh my god, Joey, and I had to finance the fund. Oh, I was terrible guys I'm telling you that you financed weed No, I paid it back. I paid it in one chuck whenever said a fucking nightmare. Please don't remind me

But after that, I never put I never maxed out a card again. That was it That was it. Don't get me wrong Remember people sometimes you can max out a card because you gotta cover it It's maxed out a card when you don't have a cover too big differences I maxed out a card, but I had a cover. I knew I had a cover. Right. Yeah. I'm going in now I don't I pay for all that weed cash. So she doesn't know but I don't this was when we This was when we first fucking blew up in LA. There was a place called the pharmacy And I was going in every day dropping three or four

What was it here for what 100 on weed? Oh, they had everything Lee I was selling some of it. I was fucking They should take away your credit cards now. No, but I don't know. No, no, no, no. This is 2000 fucking eight 2009 when I got married. You were just going in there and saying one of everything I was going in and getting three fucking quarters giving a quarter to Ralphie Giving the court of this guy Ari. I would buy a bunch of fucking edibles and give them away They had ice cream They had these cookies Lee that they found out years later. They had valium in it

You would get fucked up on these cookies. I wonder why there were valium cookies. Yeah, there were little valium cookies So let me give some shout outs real quick here before I fucking forget here I want the mr. LaLingis get well Tim Kelleher Andrea Thomas sexy Megan 715 Renee and Carl Sione Cleo in Vegas Hanging out with Ralphie and talking lair

Lady jay's going tomorrow Joey alvarado and his kettlebell program Crystal and bobby and as always the princess of the church ookey spooky the underboss fucking manage shit We're gonna see her in Vegas this summer. Hopefully if the Ralphie main thing works out want to Bring her out Vegas weekend ookey spooky has the most Amazing and also slightly terrifying twitter feed that I've ever seen. It's not stop When you check it, you know, there's a fucking she's a savage on the other side They kill people there's there's dogs killing animals. It's amazing. Don't forget for 20 bitches levity live

There's still tickets available Sponsored by star one And then the following week. I'm at the temblor bar In bakersfield on the 27 tickets are available online. I don't know fucking where I wish I could fucking help you. You know I'm saying, you know me. I'm half retarded So you're the temblor brewing company, right the temblor brewing company So I was telling you leave before I came in here yesterday was tremendous Yesterday was one of those fucking days people with just a tremendous day

I woke I didn't go after the show in buffalo. I fucking ran home And tried to get at least three hours of sleep You know who the fuck doesn't want to sleep before they get on a fucking seven hour journey Back to los angeles because I had to take a connecting flight I get back to the room. I'm thinking about this show. My heart's fucking pumping. I look at the clock. It's two o'clock It's 245. It's three o'clock finally at 3 30. How one can you lie there for One of the fat guys in the 600 pound show. I fucking got up. I turned the shower on I put the machine away I rolled the joint. I went downstairs. I drank some coffee. I smoked the joint

I went upstairs I think the driver came at 4 30 a.m. Right I go downstairs Boom we take that we get to the airport at 4 44. My flight's at 6 As I'm getting out the fucking cab door My pager goes off whatever my email goes off. It's american airlines. The flight's going to be 15 minutes delayed Already I smelled the rat. You know uncle joe I fly every week, right? I go in there and they got the fucking nothing's open You know, but well, that's what I expected four fucking 42 in the morning

I had to eat at tim haughton's Like a egg and a fucking bacon you get 10 bits No, I got that in a potato thing. I didn't eat the potato thing I got the fruit and I ate this And I drank a fucking water and took my medication. Everything was oopy-doop But I started walking real fast and my blood you know when you don't sleep your blood pressure goes up So I started walking real fast. I can feel my blood pressure going up I get to my terminal too, you know

You never have a terminal and you're right there. They always make you walk two fucking miles So I get the terminal two at the end of the fucking tunnel And everybody looks like they lost the dog everybody's sitting around depressed and shit the flight's at 6 15 It's 5 40 and the stewardesses ain't there and you're supposed to board the plane A half hour before the plane takes off Fucking finally at 10 to 6 the two pilots stroll on like johnny sanatra And his cousin momo like they own the fucking joint And then the students are still right there. They don't show up till 6 10 me being the fucking savages that I am

I got american express our american express american airlines on the phone Because I know this plane's gonna be fucking late and I'm gonna lose my whole thing. Sorry my ears are itchy I'm gonna lose my whole fucking flight. So I call american airlines and go listen What's the next flight out of philadelphia via buffalo? He goes, uh, you're on the 8 a.m After that street 30 and 4 30, but they both sold out So I knew what time it was even if they that get me down fucking stuck But boom there comes the two stewardesses they get on the plane everything's beautiful now They're warming up the engines

The guy comes out the chubby cute chick comes out. They both say you're gonna start boarding in five minutes You know me I got group a1. That's how I roll right? I get right in there standing at attention right there at attention I'm the first one on the fucking plane. Hoop-doop-doop I look outside in the horizon. It's still dark out, but I can tell that this prepped and propeller Smoke is coming out. Oh, no. Is it propeller plane something? I don't know what the fuck it was engine Whatever the fuck it was propeller plane. What's wrong? Were you retarded? I don't have no more propeller planes. They do. No, they don't so, uh I see this kind of smoke bag over the second joint 29 degrees

This could be just uh the hot air from the thing and that's what I wrote it off to But before I could switch I see fucking five fire trucks running towards the plane. I'm oh i'm fucking doing now They get to the plane. They take the hoses out. They're spraying out one of the engines The chubby cute chick walks up. She ain't that cute no more. It's like the plane's been canceled I don't know what to tell you Go to the ticketing agency. I already got fucking uh american airlines on the phone and whatever the platinum hotline You know me. I'm not fucking them. I've been flying with them for fucking 20 years. They better give me something She says the next flight you get me on is 320 in the afternoon

And I'd get into LA at 741. I'm gonna miss a little bit of the ufc, but it doesn't matter. They bet it And the next thing, you know, I'm sitting out at some coffee and I'm sitting there like a fucking moot the law And they go wait a second It's 20 to 7 in the morning That's five fucking hours and then another two before I get any action Fuck you. You've been already been there for two hours. I had already been there since 444 I go, you know what? Fuck this. I don't even give a fuck about my suitcase. I got my sleep That's why I carry my sleep apnea machine with me everywhere

I got rolling papers in there a joint. I got a phone charger. You know me dog I got a book in there. I got an iPod. I said fuck it I went out into the street. I got a fucking cab. I went right across the street. I got a hotel room They were serving breakfast and when I got there at 7 I was fresh. I got two eggs sunny sign up some wheat toast Bacon some corned beef hash. I got a box of fucking cereal And I drank water and I went upstairs and I hit the crib till fucking 130 So I took I washed my pussy. I had a I bought a hat at the airport because I had no fucking gel to put in my hand And I went back to the airport and I got there and I went to the anchor bar at the airport which sucked ass

Oh, man, I got the beef on wick And I went to the airplane and it was on time and I got back to chicago no problem in chicago The plane was coming in from room. It was going to be there early. We got there bang So got in there and we even got in 20 minutes early And the 405 was wide open 25 minutes. It took my man sam to get me home He said it was a record on a saturday night. I walked in. I forgot about sam You know me though. I still got the armenian drive. I'm loyal as fuck I get home and the chicks were fighting. I jumped in the shower. I watched my little monkey. My daughter was

In the other bath. I jumped in by the time she got out. I was dressed We sat there and watched chris wideman. We watched dc And after that the whole family went to bed. We went inside and we watched walley kazam and Sofya the first and I passed the fuck out How important was the hotel? Like there's a lot of little times when you wouldn't even get a hotel for you for a whole week But like for me, I think I'd probably just rough it out of the airport for six hours Well, yeah, how do you think you know if it was 15 years ago?

Guess what? I would have been in a cubicle somewhere passed the fuck out But the problem was I was awake all night And I know myself I'm gonna get sick if I stay there all day walking around and being pissed off. Let me tell you something when you sit in an airport It's a long fucking Right, so a lot of people just take showers at the airport. There's a place you could take a shower and shit I just didn't have my supplies with me See like I'm not I'm not judging you at all. I think it's important

Like especially for you That's your job to spend money. Make sure that you're not dead tired today talking about it two weeks ago on the podcast Maybe three weeks ago About that how I live very quietly When it comes to flying and all that stuff when I'm on the road I don't miss a beat I go for the best across the board and I learned that from Joe Rogan Joe Rogan does not play games. He goes. I do everything just like Joe except the rental car

I don't want to drive in your fucking city at all. I don't know where I'm going I don't want to be driving around in the middle of fucking night. I don't got time for fun in games I want somebody who know where the fuck I'm going You know, if you're not from there, I don't want you driving because I don't want to fuck around I want the shortest route to the hotel, you know, so Years ago, I had a layover. I'm talking 15 20 years ago I ended up making like 600 bucks and those southwest tickets are too apart All right, they were giving away 500 yesterday

And I was like, should I stay a little part of me was like, come on Joey stay take the chance I'm like, fuck you the last time I was in Vegas I volunteered for it and they they ended up I was mad they ended up getting someone on the flight Because it was only gonna be an hour and they guaranteed me on the next flight and they're gonna give me like 200 bucks and My ticket back. It's like, oh shit. I'll do that That's like that seems like a great scam Hey, there's days where you can make a scam doing it all day. You can just sit there till you ask real truth You come prepared, you know, I didn't know you could take a shower with the airport

I've been flying for 20 years and I just found this out yesterday. I just found it right now. Where do you do that? You got to be a part of those clubs. Oh, oh, that's like that's like 100 bucks, too Yeah, so just might as well go hotel them Oh, it's 100 bucks to go in there. I think you have to I know you have to buy you have the option to buy a pass I think maybe you get in because of your miles like if you're standing But like when I go to buy a ticket they have the option to get in there And I think they have like memberships too, but yeah, it's expensive

Now when I fly man, I always leave Extra just to like I know some time. I know most cities I get a An upgrade to I know how to scan the system But I know what cities I'm not but I always the hotel the club gets me the hotel Let's not be a hypocrite here But since I'm with a good agent they require a good hotel So half the time I don't want to even stay at that hotel because it might be a little farther from the club Me in my world. I want to be the closest to the club. I gotta ever be right

I don't want to drive after the fucking club on friday and saturday when it's 11 o'clock at night And there's crazy people out there. I don't know where the fuck your town is So I want the shortest route from a to b. I don't like playing fucking games I could care less if that hotel's that's where prince stayed neither maharishi It means dick to me. I want to be comfortable, which I'm comfortable at any hotel, right? Oh, yeah I don't just a looking I'm not gonna lie nobody I'm just as comfortable in the motel sex where I'm lying to you a little above the hotel sex like a holiday in express I'm very comfortable even though you could smell the cologne from the guy before

And you could smell the hookers feet and shit I'm just as comfortable in that as as when I travel with Joe Rogan and go to a high level hotel The bed's the same, you know, I want simple. I want a shower With glass covered and both are curtain They go most of these fancy hotels. They gotta have to shower I gotta shower quickly because the door is open Then I'm gonna lock myself in there for a fucking hour when I go to a hotel That's part of my fucking weekend at one point

I smoke a dube and I go in there and I think about fucking jokes. I just get steamed for an hour I let everything come out of my muffler the helmet the whole fucking deal. You follow me That's part of the action. I like it. So I'm like a fun weekend. Absolutely. What do you got planned this week? This week Uh, this week. I'm going to vegas at the end of the week. Look at you. I am I yeah for work and then um I have to I'm doing my taxes. I'm actually This is the first year that I'm not gonna. I go like go into debt with my taxes. I'm Actually finally saved up the money

Look at you you bad motherfucker. Yeah, it's gonna be interesting making two million a year. You're holding on on me I still haven't seen them both from you always get your 10 points I don't see the gambling envelope. You fucking went to vegas. You put the collar boss on me. Okay, any gambling out there? He walked away when I started doing well. I can't do it. You're fucking gambling I know that you lost a couple times, but then you turned the luck around you were picking up nickels 400 300 Then you took paula where you made a stand behind you and you ended up losing the small nickel Spending the night in laughlin, you know, you're you're a self-inflicted wound shot You kept calling me and giving me like the bad luck

You're like you're making fun of me because I'm in laughlin. I had I was doing fine and then you kept calling me Oh now is me cocked second. Yeah, it is. So all I know is you're up like 600 No, no, I lost that all in laughlin. So I don't see no no no you were up like six or seven hundred I was a 400 and I lost it No for the year you were up like a thousand I wish you lost three so there's seven lying around that I didn't get my little taste from you know what I'm saying That's all I'm asking for. I'm not asking for the 400 percent. I'm asking just to wet my beak as they say What's the what's the what's the beak percentage?

10 points 15, you know, I'll be generous I know you're a generous guy you give to the blue cross, you know, you're bad motherfucker Like I said guys, we got a we got a great lineup this month Alonzo had a boogie with noogie But we're gonna fucking rock your world this month You're gonna be surprised as usual I will be in town the next three weeks, which is good because I can really focus and fuck around with your people And next Sunday is the return of the edible into joey's life. I don't know if you motherfuckers know that So that'll be really interesting. Let me talk to you people again about this. Okay, and this is from the heart here

We we've been doing this podcast for what four or five years Yeah, five years and five years ago. This is just to let you motherfuckers know We had dollar shave club is our sponsor. Yeah So I still had razors and handles left over Listen, I won't switch to anything else. I'm telling you this people Out of honesty, this is no bullshit. This is the best thing I can do for you guys and ladies You can fucking shave your legs and your monkey with this thing. This is fucking tremendous. Not your asshole. It's a little too sensitive Buying a razor is not like buying a car

To get smooth luxury quality You got to buy a huge price and you're mostly paying for the splashy marketing features that you don't need That's why I shave with dollar shave club. It's the smarter choice luxury quality and an economy price Dollar shave club's amazing quality. They got a shave tech I actually need and none of the overpriced gimmicks. I never use I just saw an ad for a razor's monopoly newest razor. Have you seen this?

Every year they make a tiny change with a razor. Then they try to convince you It's a totally a new one. You need to spend even more for it. I'm done with all that And so should you thanks to dollar shave club, right? Like I said, Lee still has them and I won't whenever Lee shaves You don't want to shave no more. He's back with the fucking the look of uh, terra You know what I'm saying? Every time I look at him, I think of an airport get more You're not shame or your shave your head. That's right Anyway, listen If you haven't tried dollar shave club yet, you're missing out and that's why there's never been a better time

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Dot com slash church. Let me talk to you about something. I told you in the beginning and I'm telling you now again Nobody wants to have a stinky ass. So that's why it's your lucky day. You know why? Because the days are back. It's your lucky day Right now you're sitting there. You're listening with nobody looking in the office get up real quick Stick your finger in your ass and just sniff it a little bit around the muffler. I'm not saying stick it all the way in And pop skin. I'm just talking about that little the little exhaust area there Smell that finger and be honest with yourself. Do you want to drop this on somebody? No So that's why a bidet is for you. What's that Lee?

I'm just gonna give them a second to pause. I have to wash their hands now for today Who goes the fuck any professional? No, you scratch your ass. You don't fucking scratch you You don't wash your hands. You stay around you shake people's heads That's the American That's the American way Anyway, keep your ass whole clean. The church is proud to present Hello tushy.com. There you go. Introducing hello tushy.com portable devices that spray your butt clean With water warm water tremendous. You understand me? You save on fucking toilet paper

You save on aggravation. You just take your little poop or shake show up with your little stinky monkey Bend over turn on the water and let the water do the rest It saved my life this weekend. I had one night where my hot water was out And without the hello tushy, I don't know what I would have done. There you go It could save it. Listen and just because you let's say there's no water. You can still use hello tushy You can wash your face too Go to hello tushy.com. I didn't I put this message Hello tushy.com slash church and get 10% off your first door. Listen. They have a 60 day

Money back guarantee. You're not gonna send it back. This fucking thing is tremendous. All right I've been using it for months and that's working for months. It's tremendous You're gonna love it once you get on it. Go to hello tushy.com slash church and get 10% off. I want to thank Dollar Shave Club. I want to thank hello tushy.com And I also want to thank honet.com for being there for us Once again, we'll see you motherfuckers tomorrow eight o'clock be ready to rock

Get this party started Lee. Don't forget for 20 that whole weekend. Let me live oxnard and the following week Templar blue and company bakersfield cocksucker. Let's do that. Where's the siren Lee? Oh, damn Jesus Christ. Just put the music on. I love you guys We'll talk on two days three days. Stay black Where's the music? Oh, shit a little old school arrow smith Taking a little nicotine gun with taking this party to a new level Oh Hey

So sorry With Oh Oh Sorry Oh You