Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #477 - Steve Rannazzisi

Episode Date: May 2, 2017

Steve Rannazzisi, Comedian, actor and host of the "Hear Me This Book" podcast,   joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order of portable devices that spray your butt with water.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 05/01/2017.
  

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why walk around with a stinky ass? You understand me? You got Tushy, they're back, bedays, portable ones. You got four bathrooms, you got four bedays. No more, you have to walk around with stinky balls. If your little monkey smells like onion and you want to go on a dinner date, boom, wash that onion. HelloTushy.com, get 10% off right now by pressing in church. Boom, there you have it. Welcome to the church, Cocksuckers. Oh shit, Monday, May 1st. What do you think you're dealing with, guys? It's professional music right here. This shit, get that meal, Lee. It's Monday, Cocksucker.

Here we go. Here we go. Here we go, Cocksuckers. The church of what's happened now. Monday, May 1st. Coming at you. Oh shit. Here we go. Always in jeopardy, Cocksuckers. Oh shit. It's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive. And you're making it happen. Welcome to the church of what's happened now. Uncle Joey, Steve Reynolds, easy and my main little fucking Lee Syat. As usual, it was a beautiful weekend here in Southern California. Where were you? I was in Columbus, Ohio this weekend. Nice. How was the weather? Rainy. Rainy. A little rainy little human. You need a little rain in your life. Yeah, just a little bit. Lee Syat, how was your weekend, Tarzan? My weekend, I was boring. I went to the ice house,

which was great. Saturday night, we had a good time. Eight o'clock show. Eight o'clock show. And other than that, I just kind of rely. Yeah, I didn't do much. Yeah, the Celtics. I miss that stuff. I love, I just like, when I'm watching, because I don't know any of the players anymore on the Celtics. I know maybe two or three of them. I just like watching the fans, because it just reminds me of going there as a kid. They're good. And they got a good story this year. That kid lost his sister. Right. So everyone's sort of on their bandwagon. They're good, but they're good. They're sneaky good. And I don't know anything about basketball,

but I liked a few, like seven years ago when they won, because it seemed like they were doing, like, KG was doing short shots, like maybe layups and some dunks, and Paul Pierce or Ray Allen would shoot at three. Everyone on the Celtics team is shooting nothing but three. Yeah, they're all in on that. That's their game plan. It bums me. I mean, it's great when you win, but it's a new philosophy in the NBA. But how crazy is that? I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about. Like, I don't even have three points. I'm just banging them out there. I haven't watched basketball, the playoffs at all. Like somebody just told me when I was out being Utah, Golden State's going to be in town. They got Utah on Thursday or Saturday.

Yeah, they're playing each other. So I haven't even watched the playoffs. I think I watched Alonzo Boden was on here talking about the fucking Clippers. Yeah, I watched them. They're just a nightmare to watch. Yeah, they just lost to Utah. That's why Utah moved on. They're just a fucking everything. Tightens up a little bit in the playoffs. It's the further you get. So those threes aren't as open as much. So the better defensive, better, better team usually ends up winning. But before we get this podcast started, I want to talk about something last week. You know, we had Carlos Mincea. Why he called? He called. He apologized. He talked like a man. I could have had him on the show and asked him about this or asked him about that. I

asked him about this. We all know what had been the result. We all heard the story already. I didn't want to take the horse there. I wanted to take the horse down a different path. He told you what he felt. You saw where his head was. And that's when we started the show. That's what the show was about. It was about second fucking chances. Who gives a fuck? Just keep moving your life. Somebody apologized. He called you also, right? No, he didn't call me. I thought he called right as easy. He called you or something. No. He called a couple guys and apologized for his behavior at the store and stuff like that. You know, so I took it as a nice little token. Hey, you know what? Look, as someone who's made mistakes, I can't. What am I going to do? You know,

I'm one of those people, man, that if it wasn't for, like I told Joe two days later, I go, you know, how many people have given me fucking chances? Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm here because of chances. I'm not here because I'm lucky. Or because I outwitted somebody. I'm here because somebody turned an eye and I said, I'm not going to do that again. And eventually after 200 of those, you get stronger and fucking stronger. You know what I'm saying? This was a community project for me, but it's just weird how some people do fucked up shit in the country. And for three years, like I never saw the guy from Seinfeld again, the guy that rich Michael Richards. Yeah. He threw through the tirade

at the laugh factory. Like I never saw him again. Well, some people, I don't know if stand-up is as important as some people to continue to do it after you've made an a public thing. You know, and I'm not putting any, I don't know how important it is to him, but you know what I'm saying? Like maybe it's, he's probably done other things, but maybe going on stage stand-up wise is not something he does anymore. You know, I don't know. But you know, if that's what you do, then you just, that's what, what are you going to not do what you do anymore? No, I know. Listen, man, it's just, I remember one day somebody getting criticized for having the Tiger Wood hat on. Like in the media, somebody said, you know, how can you trust somebody who backs Tiger Woods? And Tiger Woods

was fucking a kid when all that shit went down. You can't judge a man's life by the actions he does when we're fucking kids, when we're 25, 30. When you're, you know, I was watching a pilot today and I'm starting to talk about it on stage, how 50 is a fucked up age. 40 and 50, it's a big difference. Yeah, I turned 40 this year. Yeah, you're running on fumes. A month and a half. You're running on fumes and the beauty is you know it. At 40, you're running on fumes. Yeah, I am. You kind of know it and you kind of know it and you kind of feel it and you're, you're thinking you're going to stumble onto something that will take you to the next level. But at 50, you see that the 20s was just a big mistake. Like the 20s is just a mistake.

Mistake how? Mistake in the sense that you did every dumb choice you could possibly make? They give us all this freedom between the ages of 17 and 20 and we're fucking morons, 80 percent of it. But I would argue the fact that what if you made every single fucking right choice and that you're 20s, right? And you're 50s and you're going, you could be making every poor choice then because you never fucking made all those dumb mistakes. Well, that happens also. That happens also. Okay, you're born, your parents own a construction company, billions of dollars. You know what? You work 10 hours a week. They give you Mercedes Benz. They're not doing, you know, favors. You went around the world. You never even had a splinter in your fucking hand.

Your brothers rode with their fucking slaving and the fucking things, sending out wood, building fucking buildings, you know. And you know what, man? When you're 38, something happens that one of your brothers has a gambling problem and you didn't know about it and also when they come and shut the fucking thing. So your bandwagon is done. You got to get, you got to build something out. Now you have to do something with your fucking life. And now you've never done anything. You've never done anything. You have no life experiences but going to parties. Yeah. And how to make a margarita. No people skills. No. And that's when your life tightens because those people from the party world, they're just as worthless as you are. So there's no help there.

No. So that's your first, that's your first fucking blow that your friends, these friends you had over the years that you thought when they, when you had a pound of blow, 20 people call you. Doesn't take much. You want 20 people call you? I'll give you an answer below and put it on Twitter. I got people coming to the house with limos. You're the best guy they ever met. They love Jews. They love whatever you want to love. It's just fucking weird how, and now I see how from being here for 20 years, you start to see things and you start to see patterns. Like a young guy with a big ego. I don't even pay attention because I see the crash coming. I see the wall about to hit him. You don't, you don't even need to do anything.

Some young actor's catching your face and calls you a bunch of names. You just giggle and go give it time. Within three years, something will happen. Even Britney Spears. We all saw what happened with Britney Spears. For six years, Britney Spears couldn't cross the street without getting in trouble, getting tortured. She made it all go away. Think about Britney Spears. She made it all go away. She didn't pay nobody off. She just disappeared. She just got away from them. They couldn't, they didn't give a fuck. She's still irrelevant. You want to check Forbes and see what she made last year? Oh yeah, she got that Vegas. She's still relevant. No, I'm saying she's still relevant. Oh yeah, she's still relevant. Yeah. You know, she's still relevant, bitch. You know,

check her fucking paper, a little paper. She probably gets a hundred million a year. And she's quitting. This is her last year. Well, she's probably turned in, what is she? I would say 32, 34. No, she's older than that. Five. I mean, I'm turning 40 and I feel like she was a kid at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 36 maybe. Britney Spears probably 36. Yeah, 36. So maybe, you know, they never retired. Oh yeah, she's turning 36 in December. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? Some novices? Come on, man. Come on, now. Well, we were talking, I think it was Guns N' Roses made $210 million from April to April. They did that tour. Just been touring. That's crazy. Listen, man, 50, 60, 80 dollars.

I went to ACDC with Tripoli at Dodger Stadium on a fucking Monday, sold out. $51 was the cheapest ticket I heard anyone say that they had sold out. And they were doing, you know, a hundred shows a year. You know, you gotta remember, $51 fucking dollars for the cheapest ticket. For the cheapest one on a Monday. Okay, so they go up to, I don't know, how many seats are at Dodger Stadium? Those field tickets. They probably couldn't. They don't make money selling music anymore. No, they got a tour. So they got a bang at the gate like fucking animals to keep it together, you know?

$56,000 for a baseball game. So I don't know what it holds for. So they probably, it's probably 40 with all the equipment and everything. But think about this though. It's like, you think those guys want to still be out there fucking? I mean, I know that they do. And they, the show, here's the show. And we all agreed. It was unbelievable. But it was like one, two, like they would sing Thunderstruck and then it would take like a 15 minute break. And then you would hear like, do, do, do, and then explosion. And then the next song. So it was like 10 songs with like 10 minutes in between. It wasn't like they were pounding them out. So you could tell they're tired.

What would they do in between songs? Like rest or, you know, drink water, catch their fucking breath. They're, you know, in their late 60s. Are they? Is he DC? Yeah, look up what, what's his name is. He's got to be, um, Angus Young is probably 57 right now. I would argue he's in, he's 60 to- Type in Angus Young. See how old Angus Young is. The fucking singer. Yeah, he's 10,000 Brian Johnson.

That's why he threw him his ass out. That's why he threw his ass out and then placed him with, you saw him with Axel Rowe. He's 62. 62. 60 fucking two. Yeah. You think he wants to be out there every fucking night? I mean, and he does. Yes. But it's like, I don't know. The record label called him.

I think if you, I think if you, if you, it would be great if they could do an album a year and then that made 10 million and then they didn't have to go on the road. They could do, fuck, you know, 30 great shows across, across the world. They know it as much as you know it. You don't want to hear fucking dick. No. No. You don't want to hear dick, no. When you go see AC DC has five albums with the original singer and then like eight more with Brian Johnson. I'm just saying, I have no idea. They have a repertoire that's fucking huge.

You know, they know if they go into the studio for four years, two years and buy material and rehearse it and it's, it's the, the records they're going to sell, you know, they could just make compilations and live albums and that's how good they are. Yeah. The bands like that of that caliber can still do a live album. They've done it. They've been around dog. I seen AC DC in 1980. What does that tell you? That's how long ago. 1980, 90, 2000, 2010. That's 37 fucking years ago. Oh yeah. There was the summer of 79. I saw them with Ted Nugent at the garden. They were opening up for Ted on the highway to hell tour, opening up one of the hottest

albums in the country and they were opening up for Madison Square Garden, August 4th, 1979. This is how deep my Jimmy Rolls. And you know what? I went there with it. I went there with this girl. I was not dating her. I just asked her at a party if she wanted to go see AC DC and she said, yeah, and I got the tickets for like 12 bucks, 12 bucks. Fuck, you know, red sick tickets. That's like, and that's, I mean, can you, it's still seating New York, right? It's still like bop, you know, like fucking, like, you know, not clean what people do in Times Square. No, this is 1979. This is 70s New York. This is drugs on the walk.

Yeah, you could get high. This is something that if I could have a chronological on a film, like just a walk, like what you had to do, like what did even Steve Redizzi and Coco do on the walk from your place to the guard, like the whole thing you would meet me at your house in the North Bergen, New Jersey on the bottom of 39th street. Okay. Okay. So my mom would be gone in those days. You come over and I take a high-naked from my mom and we'd split it. I'd already have 20 Jones road. Pre-road ready to go. We already had tickets in our thing and we maybe had THC crystal. I'm not sure. So what we did was so we just, we walked to the park to see if we'd get a ride up to help. Yep.

If somebody gave us a ride up to hell, we gave them a joint. The hill that I'll show you when I go home, you know the hill I'm talking about from the cemetery all the way up to Kennedy Boulevard. You got to go past the crazy guy we talked with. With the Chinese store? The Chinese store, that hill right there. 45 degree hill. Oh, this is brutal. This is fucking brutal. But if there's nobody at the park, we're fucked. Now we got to walk up. Now we got to walk up to by the Chinese store and that's where we first get our first drink of water. And then we walk up to Kennedy Boulevard and on Kennedy Boulevard by the university, there'll always be three or four guys hanging on outside. We go up to them and go look, dog, go inside and get me a beer.

And that was like that's where we lived. How old were you for this? Let's say I was freshman going into sophomore year in high school. We would stop at the university and I was two years old in 1970. Two guys would give us beers and then we drink those beers, walking to the bus. That was another three-quarter mile walk and there was a hot dog stand before the bus. You got yourself a separate hot dog for dinner. So you had something in your stomach so you wouldn't puke. You don't know where you could eat for the rest of the night but you know you got something right now. And then you ran to that fucking bus because every two minutes there's a bus to New York City. That's the last stop before the bus is going to New York City.

So it's buses from down to surely going to New York City. You're on a bus or whatever and you get on that bus and all of a sudden you hear ACDC music. You see somebody in the back because you know they're going too. They're fucking going. So now you've camaraderie. You just felt this even though you didn't know them. You looked at them for a while. You can hear their little fuzzy headphones. Not even. This was, this was the only song you heard. And then you got off at Port Authority. You walked downstairs. You walked outside and from the minute you hit 42nd Street, whatever the fuck that is, in Times Square right there, like the block away, you would hear a mild ACDC and you would walk those six or eight blocks to the garden with people running past you going

we're going to see fucking Angus and you're like wow. Look at New York fucking city. Yeah, they were ready. And the closer you get to the garden, like we'd be walking on the side with the post office across from the garden is the world's whatever. Yeah, on the 8th Avenue side, right? And we'd walk up and there'd be, you know, hundreds of people outside with no tickets, no money to go in. Just party. Yep. Just playing the vibe. That can't happen today. Even if you wanted to. I mean, people would fucking get old blasters on the street, drinking, smoking pot. I was going to say the drunk 14 year old. How many cops are around? Like, what is the police presence at something like that? Four at the door. Four at the door.

So if you don't come fuck with the door, they ain't going to fuck with you. So if you're not, if you don't like, if you don't have like a joint, you slam to the door and you're like, yeah, they'll be like, gay man, get the fuck out of there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There was four guys at the door. But if you're 10 people deep towards the street, you just kind of party. You walked in, you went to your seats, the warm up band was playing, you walked to your seats and the fucking, as soon as the band hit the stage and the lights went out, everybody sparked. In those days, it was sparking. People would pass you joints. You're like, holy shit. Like you hear about all these parties. Like when I was a kid, I go to Steve, what did

you do last night? Oh, I partied over it, over at Lee's house. I didn't really understand the concept of the word party. Were you doing drugs and drinking with them? Oh, was it like the parties I see on TV where people are twisted by the pool? The chicks are sucking your dick and everybody's fucking and everybody's got a date. I didn't understand that concept. So, you know, it was when you went to that garden or like the garden, especially, the garden was the one, I caught a couple of good concepts at the garden where you, you know, you had meaning for an hour. Yeah. Like your life had meaning because all these other 18,000 other idiots justified that meaning you had for whatever. I went to see the who at the garden. I went to see Black Sabbath

with Van Halen open enough for them at the garden. Yeah. I went to see some great shows at the garden plus Nick games out the ass. I went to see my favorite thing. I went to the garden. I used to go see Julia serving with the sixes come in Christmas day and I once got tickets from Bobby Hurley's dad, Coach Hurley and St. Anthony's gave me a fucking front row tickets out in Jersey. Yeah. North Carolina playing rockers when they had a black dude named James Bailey that would just slam dunk on your ass. I'll never forget that going to that fucking. So I really, there was something about the garden that you felt something for. Yeah. It's like for some people, it's where the lake is playing. They want to see a bunch of concerts there. You know, if you're from Pittsburgh,

you want to see a bunch of concerts at the old three river stadium. You know, there's just something about being in those particular places. My dad took me one time. It was a Martin Luther King junior day. So you had off on, but the Knicks always played a day game that day. So my dad took me and my brother, the whole, all five of us, his mom and we went in because I was, I like basketball. This is not something he wasn't in sport, but I like basketball. So we go and they're playing Barclays playing the Knicks word of it. I think he was on Phoenix and it was the game where at the end of the, he got into it with the ref. He jumped at the ref and you know, it's the end of the game. The game's over. Kind of people are getting up to leave and then you see Barclay

jump towards the ref and then people, and I could see my dad like, all right, we're out of here. Let's go. Everyone up. Come on. We did our fucking due diligence. Let's get on the railroad and get the fuck out of here. It was crazy. You never knew. Like all that stuff, the garden wasn't about going to the fucking game. It was about what happened on the way to the game and what happened on the way home. Like that was always what you remembered those like the concert could have been like I'll never forget one Monday I went to school and it was one of those East Coast days in April where it's supposed to be cold, but you bring like a winter jacket and when you come out of school, it's fucking a thousand. It's a thousand. You know, you're like, what the fuck? What the

fuck happens? The fucking newsman didn't tell me about this shit. Now I got to carry this fucking parking home, carry the blocks on a bus with the book. Yeah, there's no cloud coverage. No cloud coverage. Blazing on. Blazing. I know if you made it, he's out. I walked out of there and I saw this RX-7 and it belonged to this cat we call the devil, right? His name was Mike Denny and he was five foot two, three, but he was a state champion wrestler and he came from a really freaky family like they were boat people. They owned, they re uh not boat people they taught, they resurfaced ships so when a ship does a long haul they go in the whole and on Newark and the Denny's had a company that would come in and you don't take away all

the rust, take the barnacles off put new fucking holes, new new windows, you know, restock anything because when you're out there and see, you need that shit, all that shit gets fucking sea salt in it So they would scrub it down. It was like a six-month process. Mm-hmm. They would have three ships at once It was a there was a great business from the family made money But Mike was the devil like his street name was the devil and I like Mike as a young age because he wrestled He knew people I knew but every time I went out with Mike. It was always a by the way I think he was one of those guys Mike as we speak today is doing Thomas life From murder his wife the name they gave him at the age of 14 was exactly true

When you looked at Mike's eyes, you knew he was the devil. Oh, really? But I loved him We're gonna come to the devil to his face like you like high and double some people will call the devil Oh, well, some people go dog. What are you doing about his wife? Some people go who what are you doing hanging out with the devil and I would hang out They do creepy shit with the devil like creepy. Was he violent? He would fight you he would hit you with a fucking cuz he was five foot two Something you know, he would hit you with something to cut you. Mm-hmm. He was known, but he was old He was one of those guys you give him 300 for an eight ball. He wouldn't come back. Oh, really

Reliable a bit. Yeah Like you had to watch him like a fucking hawk and I'll never forget I come out of He would cut you and no one reacted to that like he would cut you you Somebody yeah, I see I see them I see them in action a couple times in New York City late night like morning Because Joey reads people like you know how how Lee quarterbacks can read a defense real quick So I think he knows when when you know, yeah, he's gonna turn for the worst and he knows when to get out of it I know yeah I know how to play with you how to get the best I knew how to always have money

There was always a by the way with crazy people, but I always had a by the way Yeah, you're gonna drive me to the city. Yeah, so in those days. I had a godmother Oh, it was the writer the story I told she used to sell coke on the 13th and fifth Avenue by the buy by Central Park and that in the daytime was around me, but never had a night now All these when they turn the lights out these fucking movies and TV. What's the one the walking dead? Yeah, that's what this was this was the walking dead Yeah, you would double park your car and I'd say give me five minutes. Let me go upstairs when I come down You go Joey, I'm never bringing over here again. I just saw a girl get stabbed by a husband

I just saw a kid get run over by a car and they picked them up It's one of those fucking neighborhoods like a junkie just got shot. No one cares It was ninth from 80 to when I left there in 84 85 That neighborhood was nuts and I would make the nicest white people Drive me over there one of them like I would call that 11 go listen. I got You just lay that out. Yeah, I guilt right away. She go, what's the matter? I go my teacher just called and he wants me to have these books For class and she go how much do you need $90? Okay? Come over and get it and by the time I got over there

I would quality we're gonna give it a bump by the time I got that was 200 and then she I go you were awake and she Go, yeah, and she go why you want a bump and I go nah Just give me a small package to go and she'd give me like a grandma blow to go the worst coke in the world It was horrific. You could do the whole package in 1980 and nothing would happen to you It was like doing Sergio love coke. Nothing would happen But she'd always give me cash to buy good coke That's what I would do. Yeah, I'd buy good coke. I don't think that's what the cash was for I thought the cash was for chemistry books. Yeah, but you know same difference chemistry chemistry

What's the difference? It's all a chemical leak But I used to make the devil drive me to weird places Like I knew people that sold coke from my after my mom died and I would still keep in touch with them in that time Yeah, we want to ounce on the arm Come to the South Bronx the only person who would drive me is Mike Denny and I would go Mike if you drive me I'll give you an eight ball little do you know I had an eight ball cut in my sock So I would take a Gram and a half out and throw a gram and a half a cut in and give it to him

You always had a double prep prepare you always had to double cross them because he was always gonna double cross you Yeah, anytime something will happen with money with him Like if we tell you he was gonna get your gram for 70 bucks It was gonna be 90 for half that it was gonna be six tenths like there was always a by the way, but When I first started becoming friends with him, he had a girlfriend that was a model and she worked in the city So he would drive her or some shit. I don't remember the whole story But one day I come out of the high school and they is And I go what's going on death and he goes nothing. I'm gonna get chillin

Blah blah blah blah blah he goes I was gonna take my girlfriend to the show tonight But she can't go and I don't want to ask my creepy brother Do you want to go and I go fuck? Yeah, who is it? He goes the new barbarians the new barbarians was the Rolling Stones without Mick Jag That's what that was. No, who's the front man? Keith Richards and Rod Stewart got and Rod Stewart. It was any whoever showed up. Oh Really, so it's like a sort of like a Rod Stewart was sort of a name. So it was Keith Richards. Yeah And then I think Richard's Ron Wood. Uh-huh Ian McLaughlin the piano player

Stanley Clark was on the base And I and the drummer was The drummer. Yeah, it was Ron Wood and whatever the new barbarians But the singers that were supposed to show up in the 12 city tour Were Robert Plant, uh-huh Rod Stewart Rod Stewart and there was somebody else. No Mick Jag. No, no Mick Jag at all They kept it fucking tight from Uncle Mick But every night they had somebody different like somebody Santana would show up and play with Keith or

Like it was a really interesting tour. So he I didn't know anything about you want me to tell you that I knew what the fuck They were talking about. I knew the Rolling Stones. I had like maybe five albums at that time I didn't know that. Yeah, I knew the same song as you know on the radio. Where was the concert in the garden the garden So that we get there, you know, same thing. We went and got a package. He beat me out of five dollars He paid for tickets, but I had to pay for parking. There was always a by the way with the devil You know the same like there was always once we got there. We had to get a t-shirt for his girlfriend Why would you keep going out with this guy? Because he got enough to always want to I listen

When I was growing up, I had four or five different variety of friends I didn't just hang out with Steve run is easy. Steve run is easy was my movie friend. He smoked some pot He likes movies. He likes Italian food. Guess what I call Steve on Sunday nights Steve's my man on Sundays. We go get a slice of pizza. We talk about the week He tells me I was gonna get me a job doing union construction And then we go catch a Charles Bronson movie and he goes home He lives with his mother and his father Steve wouldn't break the law if you wanted to but at the same time when Steve and me went home at 10

What's the expression? Uh Loose something as the devil's workshop Loosely lip-synch ships Like I wouldn't want to go home. Oh idle time is the devil's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All I'm gonna do is 10 o'clock I said then you go get me another kind of friend. I would go hang out with Mike Denny the devil I knew I was gonna do blow with him. We're gonna get some type of drug When you with Mike Denny, you were gonna end up with something a pill a tumenol A bag of blow maybe a line of heroin with anything could go down with him

When I was 16 and my mom died, I didn't give a fuck about me. So when I saw Mike Denny I jumped in that fucking rx7 and we had a good old fucking time Thousand ten and 90% of the shit we did was Rob But again, he was one of those guys that would go listen a ship just came in And they got a box of watches. Let's go rub the wallet. He was that crazy So we'd have to climb a fence behind the shipyard and fucking walk through mud and we'd hear dogs And we'd have to go get and he knew all the combinations and shit. I was gonna say Denny Yeah, how accurate was the information always solid but always always something I paid they it was always something different

There's 30 watches. We're gonna get a hundred dollars a piece for the watches That's three grand. We'll split it 1500 a piece. So you don't have to sell the watch. No, all I had to do is go steal He already had a drop off point Next day You're not gonna believe what happened six of the watches were damaged You're only gonna get 800, you know shit like that. Yeah, he paid you and that was the beauty of it There was always gonna be a fucking by the way That's what made it interesting

The worst thing that ever happened with me and him That always stuck in my mind just to let you know guys. It was new year's day And we went to see aerosmith at the Nassau Coliseum Aerosmith was terrible the tickets were terrible the drive was terrible But we were on kelly boulevard and on the jersey side And it had to be maybe 12 30 at night on a sunday night New year's fucking day. Okay. Who the fuck goes out?

Our aerosmith decides to do a show new year's fucking day But me and the devil around we took a hit of acid We took like fucking this powerful fucking acid at the time And I'm tripping my ass off listening to get your wings by aerosmith in the car That's one of my all-time favorite albums And I see red lights And we pull up And it's an rx7 just like Mike Dennis

And it hit a tree And It had split right through the fucking middle This guy was dead He was done But she was stuck Okay, she was stuck now. We're on acid No, this is real. This is going on. Yeah, we're on a hit of acid. Oh, we're like

We're like the sixth people on the scene. I would leave that scene immediately Okay, we're like like it's a couple of guys yelling and screaming like are you okay? And she's like help me help me in the middle of all this an ambulance comes along two ambulances Fire department and they have fucking soars and they're telling the girl. Are you okay? And she's like, yeah, but my boyfriend's dead And bubba bubba bubba bubba and we're fucking standing there frozen You guys pulled over and stuff. Yeah, we pulled over legally. We didn't go nowhere. There was there was debris all over the fucking road Oh, you were dry. She had a fucking she had a fucking pole. Yeah, somebody cut them off and then hit them

Like somebody I can't guys. I'm not a crime investigator. What I do know Was that the fucking car was split in half? He was dead his side of the he was crushed his head was exploded There was blood everywhere and she was still alive. Oh like it basically But that tail had been hit and there was another car the window was smashed and the guy was unconscious in the front seat There was no airbags in those days. There was none of that. No, no None of that shit. So we get out of the car She's yelling

The fucking fireman like get out of the way get out of the way the cops come they put a fucking yellow tape So I go back to you and then it's one o'clock in the morning. Just the red lights I'm tripping my balls off. Did anyone ask you any questions or anything like that? Like did you guys see anything? No, we just came up right now. There was like two cops there already Oh, we there was like a cop car already there and he he knew when the he was looking at people I can't believe you drove on acid now. I'm watching the fucking uh The acid kind of saved me because I faint when I see blood So I she was covered in blood, but she was yelling for her life

Where I'm gonna pat the the passenger seat the driver's seat that he was just leaking like it was like It was like a white like I swear to god It was just coming from the seat like I squished his head in Once the squished his shoulder like I remember I couldn't see him because the window and the car But just dog. That's why I don't like little cars like that. Yeah, I'm against all little cars guys against them completely And that's my logic. That's what I saw in 1987 when cars were still cars. No 1980 it was new year's 1980 Maybe 1981 if i'm wrong

Maybe if i'm fucking wrong So we're tripping and they get up and they saw the car, you know when it's They got that shit jaws of life or something they hit that the ambulance came The fucking some people came with the beds. There was a small fire. They shut that out And then they sawed her out and like she was fucking twisted Oh, but I'll never forget these last words They were drinking Oh, she said we were drinking no

One of the cops Oh said that They were drinking Yeah, they were drinking And at that moment me seeing that At that fucking moment as much as a criminal as I fuck around with weed I bring on a plane all these nonsense I do You'll never ever ever see me drink and drive and it's because of that night. It's nothing to do because I'm cool Nothing to do and I'd save my life

Forever because I wouldn't have mind having a few drinks and get behind the car nobody does But because I saw that I saw that girl when they took her out of the ambulance. I saw what she looked like I saw the look in her face that the guy she was with was dead But I guess as they were putting him away and we were talking The cop goes there was booze. They found like bottles in the fucking car. Yeah, and that was it That was it in mind. So if I got anything from all those years of hanging out with the devil It was not the drink and drive. It's like, yeah

Fucking crazy Yeah, you got acid Boiling and that's when we used to boil on acid. That's when you boiled on acid For eight hours, but you'd be high for 13 14 hours. You know, I'm never gonna drink and drive But let's get in the car and drive home On acid. No, no, no, no. We weren't drinking. Oh, you complete them. It's something about booze and fucking You know people never you never hear a drunk driving acid because they were doing acid You know acid you'll fly through the air. You don't give a

Nixie, you know, you're in front of your fucking house Oh my god It was it was I don't remember the drive home with them. No, I remember like I was shocked The two or three days at that age. I was like, Jesus fucking christ I will Does that shake a guy like him too? Or is he just sort of like bounce off of that and like, all right He killed his wife. He's doing double time right now. What do you think it did to him? I don't know I didn't hang out with him

I stopped hanging out with him maybe like summer of 81 because it was just too much. Yeah You know, he called you seven nights a week And there was always Always an envelope at the end of this camp and what we're gonna do with that scam. It was a small envelope That was gonna spend the whole thing on drugs and then plus what guess what else? I had to do the drugs with him So I put on a line he put on a line I put on a line he put on a line I put on a line he put on a line and then we need to take a line home with two fags

And then go home and you know, it was just a waste of fucking time It was a waste of fucking time. Yeah But you live and you learn but I remember him the moral of the story is he took me To see the new barbarians and the new barbarians You know what guys I could sit here and tell you they did I don't remember what the fuck they said. I was just a kid So I was just happy to be out. I was just happy the white kid was talking to me. You know what I'm saying? Like I was just happy

But I I do remember the end that I showed you the trip one court And at the end the people started throwing the chairs up in the air at the fucking garden and people started running out and people get hit with Ripping the chairs out of the ground. I was dead two times when people started falling chairs another time The nicks were winning The nicks were covering the spread Something happened what I say what I say The nicks were losing the other team was covering the spread and the nicks were terrible in those days And it was with the buzzer

Well, the nick players threw the ball up in the air backwards They went in and the nicks ended up covering so a bunch of people the garden started ripping the chairs Throwed Yeah fucking hilarious That like I said, that was there was a couple places I went as a child that were unique The other place I went as a child was anytime I went through a six a game or a concert at Philly Always entertainment besides what you were going to watch and that's what That's what I like about. I don't you don't have that anymore

There's no more challenge when you go out no more. You have uber. You have you should be having even more fun now With uber, do you know what I'd be doing with uber? I know if you just had any old days didn't have to worry about in about a year Some you're gonna wake up one morning go Oh my god uber's in the news again Major cocaine distributor Is linked to uber. They were doing deliveries with uber. What are you gonna do? I got with uber cocaine Cocaine and uber go hand in hand jack

They get cooking at midnight uber. That's when they're out hustling. You get an uber in three fucking minutes What do you want to go on 155th and on the bombastry? I gotta go see my grandmother. She lives in the alley. You know what I'm saying? Like that's crazy. Yeah, or even got a getaway man right there Even if you sell coke you could uber go to lee's house drop it off uber again go back Nobody knows the feds can't really the feds will tap on to you eventually and chain and follow your fucking uber That's no genius It's easier for them to follow you

I was thinking they could probably just have like a bunch of girls or guys Then they just call the uber for them and they go to someone's house, but it's uh, it's just coke Not same thing. Yeah. No, I just they never have to go the prostitutes are probably making a killing Uber's making a killing off prostitution Yeah, well, you know kids do it now. They don't even pick their kids up at school They send an uber for the kid. That's creepy as hell. I've seen that I can't imagine my mom would never do that with me Now she would

Well, here's the thing though And I'm just saying I count would you let your kid walk to school if you like we walk the sky you you walk to school. I bet I took a bus But that was probably More dangerous than getting a stranger to pick you up and bring it into your house That's on a gps when you ask me these questions. Don't look me in the eye Because I break down all this kid related shit I live with a horror in my heart that would I send my daughter

When she was six to spend the day of my godmother 148th grade in Broadway And I said that I start doubting my mom's ability to make decisions because who the fuck would do that But guess what that's why I learned who the fuck I was And that's what you wanted from your child Yeah, but me and you don't have the balls to do that with our kids I don't have the balls for how to walk from where we live now To where she's gonna go to school next year

Guess what I'm gonna be a skinny fuck Because I'm walking five days a week the week and I don't even want to do that some days because I'm scared of a car coming off of fucking the street Because I always stay on the outside. I'm a gentleman. Yeah, of course ladies to the inside You know, these are the things you fucking worry about and yeah that you don't worry about before What's to stop three or three guys in the white van? From pulling over and timing kids Yeah

And grabbing kids and taking off and by the time you even know the vans around they're in mexico or Up in vancouver or oregano some shit I mean these these are the realities of life guys This shit doesn't happen You know, it's like you always sit there and watch tv and go oh look what happened A kid got shot in the fucking head on cranch or a boulevard. You never think it's gonna happen to you That's a horrible way to live a shit could happen time to time Some of it you could avoid but I still sit there all the time and go how the fuck

How the fuck Was I playing basketball when I was 12 at two in the morning on 88th street park? Where was the supervision? Where was the supervision? But then again, I made it to you know, I would sleep at steam run as easy as my mom knows steam was She met her mother one time. She trusted steve mom get good look about her Yeah, it was those days. There was no reason to call. No, there was no reason to call on those days So you just went over there and next 90 10 everyone's everything's working out. Those are odds that you're willing to take you're tired You know, I'm talking to leave before but I was going to the garden to see

Just in the seventh eighth grade to walk to the meadowlands From my house in north bergen to walk to the meadowlands to see ted newton and erosmith When I want my daughter on route three Walking to the fucking meadowlands These are the decisions I have to make. I don't want to leave in my fucking sight I love my wife, but if you get my wife in conversation, you can steal her sunglasses You know what I'm saying? My wife ain't no fucking genius. You got her in conversation. You could pickpocket. I mean, it's no fucking big I used to pickpocket all the fucking time

Fucking crazy I know you have children. You got to watch everything. Jesus christ that 50 yard walk Well, steve you were just living on the east coast for a while. Yeah, dude Is it different there? Would you let them do more there than you would do here or is it there they got on a bus? They don't get in a bus here. I drive in my kids to school every day. Guess what? I don't like the bus dude either Look at those bus people. No, they're all creepy They charge you 80 they pay the bus driver 18

You know why because they didn't get the like he didn't graduate from the bus drivers academy They hired that guy. He put like a check with white ink all the felonies and shit He's probably a pedophile and shit and he's driving your kids around. Yeah, he don't pedophile no more But eventually one day he'll snap You know, we'll see a nice little fucking chick with a skirt on and shit. That's what you're needing your life I'm scared of all that shit right now. You want to walk to and from school. You know why because How many times have you seen a world news tonight fucking bus drivers texting? That's a trail of kids in a fucking car

Forget about it and it's human nature and I can't it's against it's against Me as an american to make somebody put their fucking phone away for eight hours Like, you know, I am like, yeah, if I own the bus company and I came to steve when it's easy I said to be steve when it's easy. I gotta talk to you about something when you check in at eight Give me the phone And at lunchtime I'll give you your phone back And at 12 you give me your phone at five. I'll give it back to you How many people would do that just because we can't do that because we have families

Yeah, you know, you can't do something like that. No, but on the other hand, that's what you have to do as a parent You have to go up. Does this guy fucking chit chat all day. You know facebook live Look at that fat chicks getting eaten their assholes. Well, like three or four years ago. There was a big, uh Like derailment on the subway in boston some guy was texting and he crashed a subway I don't remember if anyone died, but they definitely like broke arms and it was terrible They have cameras now watching those guys I got a buddy from high school that works for the Long Island Railroad He's the guy that when you know your Penn station and everyone all those people are swamping around that thing

Looking to see what track the thing is. I text him. I go. What which would I'm in the thing I'm going around concoming with 21. Boom. I'm down there. I'm getting the fucking beer I'm there when the doors crack open boom. I'm inside and then if you go with him He's got the key To the employee car, you know the first one the air condition you can smoke inside They don't bust your balls right in there free Penn station is not that bad No, they're redoing a lot of it now. I was just there like I don't know January December sometimes you run down the Penn station

You think you're gonna miss the bus of the train you get there? You're having a problem and there's a fucking bar Oh, there's a lot of things there right now. Yeah, I'm the fucking terminal right there But as you're waiting for the train you get all the two stiff ones. Yeah, people are still Oh, yeah, I was like, wait a second right on the tracks. I had like an hour fucking train I said, you know what who the fuck am I? Let me get a little vodka tonic. Yeah, you know Vodka tonic with me goes a long way. That's two hours of fucking being ham and google Fucking drooled all over myself and shit

But uh, yeah, I like that. I didn't know that I had no idea they had booze down when I lived in New York for those when Lee was talking about when I did east like Like uh, uh, if I did like Boston or Philly or I take the train It was easier. I like it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the train of D. C. Is easy Take the Excella from Penn Station. Listen, you can reach the fucking you gotta get to Hong Kong From Penn Station, you can take a train from New York to Hong Kong You can't get to San Francisco. You can't get to LA unfortunately Listen, if you get to San Francisco, you get to Hong Kong and cut the whole fucking west coast out

You go the other way You got on the train for an hour. It cuts through Chinatown Next thing you know 12 hours later you're in Hong Kong and shit You wake up and it's a dude. They got beat up on your night. It's not the fucking term Oh, he's huge right now. He's settled for undisclosed amount. He's doing public appearances in North Korea He's gonna like the fucking next missile It's gonna be him and King Jomo and like this together. Oh my god. Boom. That dude's gonna buy that. He's got a missile United gave him a missile this one. What's the one? I think they just gave him the plane that he was on

I would take that he got he wanted some bowing algorithm. That's all he wanted. He got big money undisclosed amount. Yeah undisclosed means Nobody wants to sign. No, you know We can't even tell you but you know what you were gonna kill us in court. Anyway All they had to do is Write some regulations of passenger Let's go to the video, please Show him getting dragged like Jesus

I'm fucking good monday Get dragged like jesus and then they show the second video him sitting there. Listen. Oh bloody running up and down Who got the who is this the spielberg? Like I remember when he tried to run back gone He's running down up and down the aisle. I just want to go home. I just want to go home. That's when it was cha-ching Oh, my god. He was just getting paid mental anguish that picture with him with the blood He looks like bruce lee and until the drag Yeah, he's got 12 12 jurors sitting there just looking at two pictures They couldn't have those pictures out no any much longer him bust it up

Yeah, yeah, they could every day the pictures were out there. It was just tainting jurors. It was just Somebody was on look at that. There's no way you're gonna find 12 people who didn't see that picture Unless they live like in fucking africa They'll get the internet Everybody saw that poor chinese man get beat So what happens you go to court and that's it. That's the end the argument. No, listen, we understand they often are made on ours Well, let's hit the video replay And every time they would say something I would just say uh, what's that?

What are you saying court $800 versus no, what do we hit the button the camp? What are you saying court? I object I'm jacked hit the video Shut it off. I just be selling that video to the jurors Do not reflect at that video again. You got it. You're on it You know the poor chinese guy. He had a problem. He was a and then they'd be the rain tone of your phone They also got him for defamation of character because they released that he was a doctor And he got um, he got uh suspended for yeah pharmaceuticals. They just went in there with a list of shit They went into united with a list of shit right now three white dudes are sitting there like a receipt like for any of the

Professional poker player too for a while. He won like two million dollars playing poker. All right that money's gonna be gone then It doesn't really matter one and and the checks got a cash in three days When I go right back to the twitter and I show him the fucking oh, yeah, we get the video, please I will play this video and every listen that's it. I would just go in there and go he wants a helicopter A plane he wants one of those fucking north korean missiles If he ever wants to fly again, he flies by himself on a plane on a plane united his family They all fly by themselves to plane everybody fucking first class chinese music It grows with a little fucking once he gets and

We want 50 we want 50 mil cash in 20s In 20s by fucking tuesday And I want 10 bodyguards chinese kung fu experts. They eat stars for breakfast I'm telling you I would fucking go bananas if I was his attorney. I want fucking I want that crowd McGowie joey smokes over there That's that's his rail. I'm telling this holocaust. Oh gee this weed. Yeah, sir We can't give you marijuana as part of a settlement. Look, you know what my client's very fickle right now He's on the fence as to whether this is the right decision or not

We got to go back out to the press in a minute. No, no, what are we gonna do? We got a time up in the jacket because But he's getting flashbacks of vietnam We got a time up We got to put in the car with american music and we got to soothe them all the way till he gets it because his His his mental condition is weakened. Yeah, he got the beating So he thinks he's he thinks he's from the main dynasty right now And the fucking who names are coming together and she don't fucking no none

This guy's sitting in a fucking gold mine He's he was sitting on a gold mine from when I saw them pulling them out. I go wow Well, everyone has a camera. I mean how many people said no no they had they had 10 12 different videos to choose from every news outlet Every news outlet had 10 to 12 Different angles to oh, I got this is a better angle when he got bashing Remember the one where they smashed his head onto the thing then one when he's dragging it down the aisle Then when he's they got the one where he's coming this way running at him Then they got the other one where he's coming that way. It was like a fucking disabruda film

It was amazing. I just felt bad for the poor united Person who had to ask for another volunteer like you know like a day later Like, you know, some of other flights probably jammed up. She's got to get on the fucking mic and as For a fucking volunteer or an oversold flight She probably Oh, well, apparently people are now like kind of taking advantage. Like did you hear about that? What's up the 10 grand now? You can get the 10 grand. I say I wait till I my family got five people four people

We get eight grand of pop all of us are out. We can get the net jets for probably 20 grand. We're out the door I made just you know 25 grand Done then I gotta give you four tickets when it's easy You might get one for yourself on christmas day Christmas eve Listen next light not till next morning Don't matter because by the time I got home the kids will be sleeping My mom will be sleeping 10 grand. You got a four seasons close by

Because I only stay in four seasons. Yeah Especially when you're bumping you with 10 g's on christmas eve What's 10 g's amongst friends on christmas eve? Ah You go to nice four seasons. You get the steak medallion sent up to your room They're never given the chinese doctor 10 grand What do you mean? You don't think they would ever like who would never get to that level If they were if this if that never happened like if they could go up to that level

Listen the chinese doctor ain't flying. Oh, no. Yeah, and if he does fly united, he just sits then goes I've already been taking care of I can stay here for three days And I'm still ahead of the game. I can miss 18 flights of 10 grand I still got money to burn like a fucking animal It's the cameras kill me The cameras kill me. There's nights. I sit there and I go. What would I do if I was a criminal today? Not much you can do You're not much you walk out your front door. Yeah, you're on camera if you walk more than 55 feet

Music, I mean you walk past my house. You're on camera. Yeah, you're on ring. Bam. Yep. That's it. I got the ring in the back I got 10 rings. You got a ring. Yeah, you got a ring Because still and even if you got a wardrobe on you put it on the news. They'll see you You know the lights go on the back yards and we're way ahead of the fucking game We got the double lights. Why not? I don't even know if they had it back then I'm sure they did. Did you like I I keep every day on the news now I saw like ring had uh, they keep they catch people stealing packages packages. Did you ever do that? Never Never one time I stole mail because my friend he owed my friend money or something

So I'm gonna get the money and I stole a box with a stereo on it And there was a social security check like a tax refund check I took the tax refund check because I had to do it on the inside in those days in 83 84 They used to tell me bring me whatever you got I'm gonna hit you for 20 percent, but I cash everything I guess at all. Yeah, he would cash it all It didn't matter. I brought him checks for years Fucking amazing. This was way before

You know there was a time when I tell Lee the credit cards if you spend on the 50 dollars, they didn't run him It didn't run him That was called none the limit thief All I do is spend on the 50 bucks Oh So you get the the the Chinese lunch buffet every day like a motherfucker Ching Ching

You're gonna go for the 495 With the diet coke or you get the 1095 or you could eat with the spare ribs. What do you want to do? Oh my god, I'll take the spare ribs. Ching Ching. It don't matter John Sleshing is just for this motherfucker And it'd be great even when the car would get declined they would still Because your card was done with throwing electronically, man, uh Swiped swiped, right? Yeah, they think I'm the 50 bucks. They put your card down and they took an imprint Yep, and gave it to the bank

The bank didn't even catch on after they got 20 of those pink slips saying that you owe them You know because you it was 495 for lunch. You drove him a fin for fucking taking the card Yep, sometimes you drove him 10 because they weren't on it to the way this They take the cash right out there. Yeah, they don't give a fuck You weren't worried about like the bank being like he goes to this Chinese lunch every day Go get them You know Lee in those days There was no big computer. So by the time they caught it

It would be three months down the road. That was what it was in my mind There was no computer I had a friend That would go to bank of america. Let's say in 1984 He would go to bank of america. He would he would borrow money He would put his money and he would borrow like 50 grand And he would go to Five banks and put 10,000 savings

And leave it in there for six months Then after six months he would go into the bank And get a 10,000 not alone. No like a 75 on the loan On the 10,000 that was in the bank To build this credit And on fridays At 10 after three he would go into that bank and close his account And take the money out

And then go to an 8 a.m 10 minutes away Or go to a different bank and get an extra $7,500 out That's how fast he was moving. He was ahead of the game I'm talking about 83 84 That's good. Yeah, I mean you think about he building trust by giving him $10,000 So he would give him 10 take a $7,500 alone against the 10 And then go in there and bank and close the account and pull the 10 out Something fucking ridiculously right as easy

Yeah, I see what you're saying. He'd take the loan and then he would go to close out His account and before the loan paperwork actually got finished He would take back his 10 But now he had a car that said he had 75 or whatever $7,500 Limit so he would walk out there. He would invest 10 and get back 1750 Mm-hmm in six months and he'd do that four times. So he would do that time is five So you'd make 35 g's on a Friday? And he would do this in different states. It was fucking amazing and never got caught because he stopped

Before it got computerized like that's when he said fuck this. Yeah He stopped way before that. He's still around today leads a successful life sells real estate Nobody knows nothing and he started that real estate with that money. He was scamming. Do you know that's a few years? He did that good a year 18 months Good good for him. I say Oh, I mean, look, what do we feel bad for the banks who got fucked the banks It's all the bank on that either the bank gave him the money the bank took back the money or the other bank

That fucking gave him the money who gives a shit. It's all unsure, isn't it? I mean, that's all fdic insured I mean, I think if you robbed the actual bank, I think you'd have to physically rob the bank but with the guns and whatever but You know, fuck Jesus, how many how many fucking fees and shit have you paid for your entire lives? You know, that's a drop in the fucking bucket scam was It was a long fucking time. That's not even like small businesses getting hurt. That's just bank banks losing money that guy he had

Caused the whole thing, you know, he did a thousand things at once this guy, but that was One of the things he did And he would wear this guy all timing scams. I guess with paperwork and stuff disguises apartments Like everything he had had to be under that name. Yeah So he would work it Six months he would work like sometimes he would open up an account under your name

And put five grand in there and just leave it there for a year And then take a loan and then he would pay half the loan and he would build up aliases He was always juicing always juicing didn't want to get suspicious people get suspicious or anything You got to be really smart. Yeah along to stare like yeah, I was there And not greedy No, he bowed out and got into real estate and he's about a little older than I am now he checks in Maybe once a year he checks in with Uncle Joey and we chit chat a little bit. Have we heard from uh Danny B's brother at all the no, he's locked up. They got him under the jail

That was on all fucking time ago When we first started the podcast One of my dear dear friends Danny B on twitter As a brother that was crazy since we were kids Since we were kids We were 21 22 This kid was 14 and he was doing shit that you would just sit there and go what the fuck You know, he robbed the bank one time. What with a fishing line

On friday nights in a hook He would wait for all the small businesses to put deposits in banks And he would put the fucking hook with the fishing line and he took the fucking money out He threw the bag away and he took the cash and he got like 9 g So he saw a cab driver and he goes give me a ride straight to kennedy And they gave the guy a lot of tip. That's how he got caught. Oh god I just put it together. They called a bunch of cab drivers that were in that area You pick up anybody suspicious. Well, this kid he wasn't been 15. He gave me a lot of tip

And they got him in hawaii. That's when it started And he did a bunch of the crazy that's a federal offense right out of a out of a male And he was doing that a while he was they were doing that for a while him and his buddies 15 fishing line And Taking back the positive fucking He'd be surprised But he came out and he robbed the bank. I don't know what the fuck he did this time But he was never really there

This poor kid never really had a chance if you Think back and look. I mean he was gone At 14 he was already smoking cigarettes and You know, wasn't that he had a bag of mushrooms. He didn't know there were mushrooms And when we got home, he's a fucking kid This is way before he even developed. He was a child I'm giving him 14. He could have been fucking 12 I put a quarter ounce of half ounce of mushrooms on the table. He thought they were like potato chips

He's just he's fucking crunchy things. They were dry. He's even we go out there like what is this thing? He's like, what are them? We're like, it's fucking mushrooms. He's fucked up We were worried about him. We forgot we giggled about it. We left We come back the house is black. We were worried about him. We forgot How long was that transition from worried about to forget? You know after a while you crack a couple jokes. You look at him. He's pale He's okay. You say fucking he's gonna be fine You just know, yeah, it's gonna be fine. Let's get out of here, you know, you get out And we came back home that night. All the lights were off in the house

We turn the lights we woke up the stairs and then he is in the living room just fucking sitting there He's 12 years old And he looks over this like, you know, I'm not high. Well, I'm sure you Don't worry about nothing. Where's Tony Bennett Lee? May 1st motherfuckers it was just Christmas I want to be around To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart

As I After all these years, it's still a beautiful song somebody who Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you I'm gonna give some shout outs real quick to my main man in Milwaukee I'll be seeing you motherfuckers in two weeks Matt homeyre my main man in seacock is

little Ryan Holloway Cassius Morris over there and fucking Calgary running things Bobby Sharon in austin with the cobrick cash podcast My man Greg Powers and Lynn up in seattle keeping it together Mike stein and the one by one podcast. He's ready to be a fucking dad Philip rusty boselli The arse warrior and always the original mad max my man holly boss

Making a fucking american appearance pretty fucking soon. Oh cool. And I think I think uh one by one had a had uh willow walker jr On recently. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I saw that One by one podcast don't fuck around man. Mikey He ain't playing games over there. What's up? It's easy to somebody. How are you? So where were you last week? Columbus the week before were you? Uh, I did that casino in Oklahoma. What'd you think? I like it second time. I did it that lacy girl. She's so lovely. Yeah, she picks you up They treat you very nicely, you know, you don't mess around you get there, you you know

The hotel's nice They gave you that nice day that they'll stay cows. I got there Then you do the gig and I'm out eight eight. You know four o'clock in the morning five o'clock in the morning home by 8 30 They're great people are lovely take pictures with them after I'm not a gambler anymore. Do you do you I don't do anything really in the casinos so You know what I get it like a milkshake on the way home on the way back to the fucking room I'll take a lap. You know, you go back to your room. You decompress

You smoke a number and then you go back downstairs You play a little fucking wheel of fortune. I play wheel of fortune. I love it. You put a quarter in there And every once in a while through the three you go back to one three Then you're not I just need that wheel. Yeah now you're there just to survive an awesome wheel of fortune Bam, there you go. That thing 40 quarters now. You got life Look at you. My friend. I'm out. Look at you. I'm not looking at the borders I'm not looking to break the bank. I just need 40 quarters to kill time So I don't have to go back to my room and watch the 600 pound man

Or law and order fucking one more episode. I'm just killing time. I'm a stone as fuck Yeah, I'm bothering nobody at the casino. I got a full pack of nicotine gum You know, I'm rocking a roll. I got eight or nine stars in me. You ever get a drink from the Uh waitress. I don't know those glasses always look creepy to me. Yeah, they don't cosby glasses in the casino That's quick wash glasses. Yeah, those quick wash glasses. I don't know Doug. It's just a splash of hot water I won't touch working one of those. Is that all it is? I never even thought about it. Oh my god Well, if you got stars in you then you just need a bottle of water Listen, if you're in the remy martin room

Well, you're betting five dollars in the hand. I'm not in that room. You're drinking fucking Kalish and What's those glasses they got cool top and all that shit that rich white people drink out of? I don't fucking know a chalice. No, no, that's jewish. No, no, not jewish thing I'm talking about the shit. I'm thinking about the special glass, right? What's the special glass people high balls? No, Jesus christ when you get married and you think like You know these chicks they've been sucking two thousand dick Most of them they get married they're singing an invitation to their wedding and they want a bottle that's worth 800 dollars

It's because there's a certain type of glass type of glass crystal crystal crystal whatever I bet when you're in the five thousand dollar room, you're drinking on a crystal fucking glasses But when you're in the fucking regular population room the general population room I've never taken one of those glasses even in my cocaine days I would go to the bar. Why does anyone just tell anybody this stuff? What's that? You just do what how how stupid do you have to be when you look at those? No, they look clean to me. Look at those glasses. Yeah, you can you can feel you can see the fingerprints of depression You can see the breath of fucking you can see the last three losers

Yeah, you could see when they drank and they breathe that camel breath With the with the nicotine into the glass where it gave that Fog a fog of yellow that was also between their teeth and between their armpits That's the shit. Look at those glasses Next time I don't give a fuck if they take them back there and they steam clean those things at 59 degrees Those things are still fucking disgusting. They get five or six fingerprints a day Okay, and I can never drink Do you see one of the casinos I go to got raided and shut down for the couple days?

Which is the casino you got the bicycle casino? I went there. I went there the day it happened I tried pulled up so they got robbed didn't they no, they didn't get robbed people were like running uh Money laundering scheme. Yeah. Oh, that's what happened. Where's the bicycle club right here on the bike? Yeah Yeah, it's right near downtown. I'm not really sure they still can gay burglaces In 1998 used to run a comedy show there On wednesday nights that paid you 35 bucks and you couldn't didn't get the money till the next day So the next day after five you gotta go down there and pick up your 35 bucks

In the heart of traffic. Do you know what that's like down there five in the fucking afternoon? Oh, yeah, that's a bicycle club casino league You're lucky. Sometimes you're alive. We know that. Oh, yeah I used to ask I remember he was the first person ever told me if we played poker down there He would be like you got to get a person to walk you out and give him a little bit of money Or are you um, excuse me come with me? Walk they had the guy walking out to his car. Yeah, I only go with a couple hundred dollars. So I never don't know that we

You know and you get hit with a pipe 18 stitches And you're like, I should have had a thousand Oh I'm into commerce commerce. I don't go to commerce is oh, I used to go to commerce all the time The secret of my commerce those places gotta go to date commerce is where I got like two in the morning Chinese food The chinese mob is that yeah, sure. You know why because you're a fool You gotta go there like 10 30

All right, I used to go at midnight We know we would go at midnight and if you made your money by you beat the rush hour traffic at home by 6 a.m But if you didn't make your money you'd have to stay to like A little bit later, you know, otherwise if you don't want to leave at 8 you'd be sitting in traffic the whole way home I don't know how you guys could sit out there all night. We played for a while. That's scary shit I love it. I play blackjack. So I have to learn poker. Oh really? Yeah, but it's it's creepy Like I'll the the chinese food not bad at the bicycle. Yeah to be honest. I haven't been to the bike Oh my gosh, god, we so many years. Excuse me

But the other one I've been there maybe 10 years ago when rudy had it and the chinese food Wasn't fucking china town, but it wasn't bad. It wasn't bad. At least it was in the neighborhood the bike I mean the uh, the uh, what's the other one, uh, hallowed parks now not even there anymore No, it's nice the stadium now. Yeah, it's nice now the new one. Yeah, they made it. They made a new casino They oh that but that's where the the stadium's going the football. Yeah, so they made the casino. It's really it's pretty It's beautiful. So nice. Yeah, and then they have uh, san Manuel have been to oh really out there No, how is that? That one's actually pretty nice. That one's I it's like a little vegas. It's not bad They're expensive, but just don't get the taco. It was like the worst tacos I've ever eaten

I stopped it might have been lizard meat. I stopped eating them. It was terrible Lizard meat, but the blackjack is good. Yeah, I don't play anything. I haven't played in like eight years I don't know what I'm doing No, I know but I'm just also like I'm tired after the shows now. I have no idea What the fuck I'm doing It takes so much time to start I know I did like two or three times and it wasn't for me One time I put money down on the blackjack table two people yelled at me

Nobody fucking draws on 18. I just something fucking retarded. They're like you blew the table So I was like, what the fuck? I don't know dick about dick. Yeah, you know, that's how I am with roulette I I try I learn a little bit, but then I always am You know, I'm stoned or whatever. I can't remember what it is If I gotta put things down and then people you know, they hit you with the stick. Don't touch this You're like, oh, yeah, if I gotta learn to lose money, I don't want to learn Yeah, I'd rather stay stupid and lose on my own than learn to lose fucking money, you know You don't get that sweet wheel of fortune 40 to 40 quarters

But that's the thing I could put a 20 in a fucking machine And go once this is over it's over and I go back to my room I couldn't do the same with blow. I couldn't do the same now egg rolls You can be 10 egg rolls at midnight with a bag of weed. Come back at six See how many you left? Well, no six, he's already I will wake up to get up to pee and while I'm peeing eat an egg roll Dip it in that real hot mustard from chans. Oh, I love the mustard. Oh my god

When it burns like your nostrils and shit on the first bite Oh my fucking god What do you got going on red? It's easy. What's happening? Um, no tv. Nobody's calling these cocksuckers. No, not right now Nothing right now. They're doing this. Well, we'll see what happens. I did. It's doing this new, um Chris rock Sandler movie on Long Island this summer So I'm gonna be out there. So hopefully there'll be something in that but you know, stand up. I love it I'm on the road doing, uh, where am I next?

alohoya in a couple weeks the 19th of may and then, um comics Mohegan son first week of june 8th 9th and 10th What was I leaving was I had comics? Tell them I gotta just go pee real quick. Which one? No, you were I believe you were at, um Foxwood's because it moved. Yeah, it would move from foxwood's now. It said mohegan song Right and he was at the theater at foxwood. I believe you had the theater, right? Okay. That's for one night. Yeah, that was cool

So and you're also doing a podcast now now do my podcast hear me this book Which um You're the producer of man. Thank you very very good job at that No, it's uh, it's uh, how many stars do you eat before you, uh produce my podcast usually zero usually zero, but I tonight it'll be 11 amazing You don't you don't really do edibles that often I you know what I haven't in a while I have a little bit more recently because it's just

Chiller nights and stuff, but um Yeah, it definitely hits me differently. What is it like being high around your kids? Is it is it weird you try not to do it? it's uh depends on the situation like usually it's like a you know like a Late night situation or or more of a controlled environment if we're gonna watch a movie or something like that I don't mind but For me, it's not that much. I don't lose really my

I'll never go like 2200 milligrams fucking like No, no, but would you would you take a full edible or would you just like Smoke a joint. I'm like, I'm gonna go home to I could go home right now and hang out and be fine, right? okay, but You know, it's not like uh It's not like an every night thing, but if I ate like three more stars It would be a whole different thing. That would be a fucking A vibe can I get a water?

Joey um That would be a different situation You know, you know, what would you feel like? uh I'd feel pretty fucking high You're doing one and you're pretty high. No, no, he was asking me about edibles Because I don't really eat edibles that much

I usually just smoke or I vaporize So thank you, buddy. Can I grab? um one of those uh The um chocolates. Yeah, the chocolates. These are perfect for you. Perfect. This is good because you get stoned You get the munchies and you eat those fucking bam Are they putting a different planet? Lee, do you finish yours? You know Okay

Yeah, 19 stars high close to it This is the book I brought you Since you like books my brother said fuck. Yes. Did you ever read this? No, this is you brother That's a good book. I mean it was written by bill kennison and another guy But this bills his brother right bills his brother There's chapters in there. Let me get a chocolate here. What am I a fucking orphan? What am I diabetic? I'm a fucking thing

Pay me no mindless. This is uh, it's interesting It's his brother's story, you know, this guy had it all went on fucking Howard Stern and went to war with Howard Stern But Look at you boy. He's about to puke over there. Oh, so high That's all right. He's a chocolate boo, but he's good for you keeps you regular. Yeah Man, um Talks about houston. Yeah, that's where he started houston, right? I mean, I know

What? Oh boy Mm-hmm Oh my god, look at this do this process Okay, hold on. Hold on. Just to be honest fair How many are these all 250 god damn? Holy shit, are they all done? No, they're 25. Okay, pop another one. What's Okay, so it's 25 so that's 75

I've had 2275. I think I'm doing okay. No, you must wait. You can't end with 275. No, you gotta have an even number, right? What's 75 and 25 that's an even number zero Pop another one myself You know, I'm not gonna let you tell me you think I'm afraid to those by yourself Look, I'm feeling If you want to see me puke you'll all and make me an another one. I don't want to see you puke. Another one You want to go down like a 2275? Yes, I do. That's a good number. What happens?

You have to go to hospital today and they ask you how many milligrams rate 2275. That's terrible Why they'll be like that's crazy. That's no one's every no humans ever taken that much Like I was saying What What I really liked about the book was He talked about going to the store and eating the fruit Because they were so hungry

Yeah drip poor And I remember how I remember how the store Was there for me at that time. I was a regular to shit. Mm-hmm. So I was allowed to hang out there Yeah But there was a timely if I went to the store and there was food at the store. Oh, shit The store came through game on, you know

I heard he used to buy when he was on the road like doing fucking concerts and stuff He used to order pizzas to the store just hadn't delivered kinsen Just for the staff, you know Yeah, because generous you knew that What it was like to go to the store at nine o'clock and be hungry. Oh, yeah No, you have the whole fucking shift how much you're like, well, I just borrowed 10 bucks from renaziz and get a sandwich on the way home But wait a second game over I get two slices of pizza. Maybe a third

Oh, shit I can still borrow a 10 from renaziz and I got a nice breakfast coming my way and shit or so and so, you know brought in a fucking plate a half a tray lasagna because you know It's baby got christened and left it in the back and you just slice off a fucking piece throw it in the microwave That was it. Yeah, I've had it on my shelf for a few years I had that book and before I moved to Los Angeles. I had that book And I lost it when my car got towed when I lived in my apartment in sunset

The apartment got towed that was one of the things they towed So somebody gave me this a couple years back And I read it twice and you know, I got the emotional stuff I mean Kenison was one of the reasons like when I saw that whole Rodney dang you feel special Kenison was a fucking wild Motherfucker and what he was doing at the store was A complete different level like people going to see him at midnight. Yeah, they would show up to go see him

They would show up to go see him which is a weird thing when you knew at midnight Kenison was going up and there'd be musicians and fucking actors Anybody who did blow Pretty much in those years was models, which was everybody, you know, it was just a lifestyle and the sunset boulevard to be cool You had to go see Kenison at midnight. You know how cool that is for that to happen to a comic on sunset Yeah, the industry would go down there and watch her every night and go. What what else do we have to do? No easy get people down here, but spring steam was here two times and I was here last week, you know Shit like that. That's what people fucking

So that's what he was going through. But he also talks about like Going up there and eating the fruit and the fucking bartender's chasing them out. So It's a pretty interesting book. I hope you enjoy it. I'm gonna definitely read it I read I try to read a lot of comics. I read I read a couple of comedians. I read norms. I read uh arty lang's Arty's was good, you know, it's got some crazy stories in it But there's a lot of stuff that I didn't know about or I don't know about him. So um and you know the stories that

From what I can gather about the store are going to be so amazing because I you know, we know so much about it It's just it's such a familiar place um You know, it's weird, uh, how many we you I don't know how long he's been dead I think his anniversary was last week or the week before or the week before I think it was 90 something 90 92 or something three or two or something like that. Yeah, and I've always heard Like you've always heard about the people

who as normal people act tell you uh What you want to hear About his days at the company store. April town. He died. Yeah. See it was his anniversary What year? 92. Yes, sir people always tell you what uh

What you want to hear like all lee was a great dude, man He was so funny at the fucking store It's funny how I've had 10 people come up to me with those stories but The one who blew my mind was mitchie shore Like after was said and done. Mm-hmm like this is Mitchie shore 2003 maybe When she still had a wits to her and stuff. Yep. We had a conversation one night

And when sam the name came up She just everybody was scattered and she just went on a 20 minute Quiet tirade to me. I bought sam had done to the store And what sam was doing at first But what he had become and you know That you know, she had heard stuff about the saint up on the roof and She was it was just fucking crazy She goes I knew kind of what was going on

But I didn't want to know what was kind of going on and I could say you know for hours I could but it just came back like a lot of people who I got to meet would say, you know what I gotta be honest to you It wasn't that good when he was up at the store It was kind of weird. It was it got kind of crazy. Really got kind of This is a different In any situation as we saw with dain at the improv to laugh factory a comic becomes too

Comfortable in his home. I mean at the end he was banned And then he got a billboard across the street from mitchie With something on it that that so when she looked out the window she saw his billboard He shot a gun up there There's still a hole in the fucking thing where he shot the gun up there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's just a lot of things, you know At first he was the the coming of And then mitchie said that it was just really weird to her but he got up there The click that had become

And once she died he died in a way she was happy Because that click broke up and she wanted to break it up She just didn't know how she was going to do it because how can you throw sam? Yeah, but it was funny that she had banned sam sam was banned. I think At the time of his death. Well She banned a lot of fucking people and you know, so I mean I could totally see your band and people, you know, that was her way of being like you're not, you know, that's your penalty

You know how much you want to be here? I know how much you want to be here and how much you love performing So you can't come here And that was fucking probably, you know It probably happened multiple times She never banned me never banned you. I never got banned either No, no, no, I was always on my best behavior there. I mean, I got put in the fucking penalty box plenty of times Of like no spots for a couple weeks I think I put in the penalty box once or twice up there

But never uh, no, I was always cool with it to be honest. I was very getty pass for me was a bitch It took me a couple years More than a couple years. Well, yeah, like four years three years but my friends having uh Open heart surgery on the seventh My wife is leaving for a week I do bray of the eighth ninth and tenth

I got a free ticket from virgin. I got to use before july When he told me last week he was having open heart surgery I said, you know, I'm gonna do I'm gonna take that ticket go visit him. Nobody loses. He's my childhood friend Why can't I go say hello and surprise him in the hospital? You know He says he's only gonna be there for five days. So I gotta wait till tuesday till my wife comes back I just can't get on a fucking plane the next day after she gets back for after a week and not seeing that fucking kid Yeah, so by that time he'll be out of the hospital. So

I'm kind of upset about it. But at the same time If god wants me there, he'll put me there. You know what I'm saying? That's that's the way you gotta look at things sometimes You can't get pissed off. So Where would you have to fly to? Newark new work. That's where virgin would take me into. Yeah, the return flight with virgin is a motherfucker Boy, do you gotta go back one o'clock? Oh really? To wait new work direct to you Even though new work at that terminal got some good ass crab cakes

With two eggs sunny side up Yes These are world-class crab cakes. You can even order them and have them sent to your house while you're at the fucking airport That's how strong they are if you have real estate by new or virgin No, you're gonna get and get the two eggs with the two crab cakes. We got it Two pieces of wheat toast. You're not walking out of there Yeah We got on the plane ready to fucking take a nap in uno. Oh, it's the greatest. You miss shooting a tv show

Uh, yeah, I miss working like I like a regular schedule for a little bit when you first got The full-time gig on tv. I wanted to take you to get acclimated to the schedule Couple well the The single I'd only ever done like those single camera shows that are shot, you know, like long days So I kind of was used to that Everyone was sort of used to that. I never did a four camera in front of an audience show So those hours are real short and kind of easy

but uh Took me it took me a couple Weeks to get used to Like the schedule of like what we were going to do and how long we're going to work and then it got It took me about two years to get used to like how i'm going to split my year up you know, I'm gonna Right Well, I'm gonna shoot the show for like four months. I'm gonna tour for four months

I'm gonna try to do like a movie or something else for a month You know, I try to break it down. It took me like a little bit of time to figure out Like how to break down my year I like a schedule and I like sort of That's how I like to break down You know how I how I work so You know for me Took me about two years to figure that out

I just taped superior donuts a few weeks ago. That's four camera, right? Yeah Yeah, I was there like fucking zip zooms at easy. You're in and out of there great catering and it's so weird how you Sit there, you know Do I want to do this full time at this age? You know, I mean You know, I could do some of the hoopla Some of the hoopla is not necessary the thing about it like you said you gain 20 pounds a season With the bagels and the locks and the fucking They had everything like you said great catering

They had an espresso machine double expresos You know, uncle joey banging out with the stevia walking around like fucking Thirsting how the third and shit shaking hands with people You can express those and shit. They had soda machines filled with stuff. I thought about lee The one that was there that had cheese enchiladas and Korean barbecue that looked like somebody spray paint. I didn't touch it. I didn't touch that shit Listen to me somebody had spray paint that I stuck with the cheese enchilada. I know those fucking people. You know what I'm saying Cheese enchiladas got more fucking credibility

Than korean barbecue of my world. Yeah, me too. I'm no mexican for 2000 fucking years Poor koreans. They can't be done by lately the dud the whole fucking thing The dud the second dud in the row. Yeah, they're not gonna get that. Well, he's gonna keep firing up those duds till he gets one to stay up That's scary And he don't know where that motherfucker's pointed to No, they don't know what they don't know but they can't get it in the air. You think they know what's gonna fucking land They could land in new jersey in new zealand They don't give a frenchman's fuck jack

How you doing lacy lee why you just you don't train on the weekends. I well no one does 20 to 75 I'm fine. Then you leave here on monday's all mangoed up I'll call you tomorrow morning. You're still sleeping at 10. What happened? I'm never sleeping at 10 Are you sleeping? Oh my goodness I'll call and shit. Will you will you stay at how late will you stay up till tonight? Probably four or five? man, yeah That's why he's got to do another star See if you did what's the number again 22 75

She's just do a red one. No, I shouldn't that'll put you at 24 hundred even if you just do a little 125 little toot-toot See what's the difference at this point 22 75 24 hundred gives a fuck who's got a penny in for a pound. Yeah Sure You're as tough as now but it makes him a little chocolate You know i'm saying a little chocolate red star cherry with the chocolate You can sell that shit lee Makes a star with a fucking chocolate bomb on call it lee's

You just gave away the secret recipe Yeah, that's right. I can't sell it anymore. I fucked up. What's the last book you've read that you liked? I just read uh, this book the hike on we were on vacation for a week It's this it was this crazy story that my friend paul told me about this guy goes on a business trip, right? Normal family wife two kids decent life goes on a business trip Checks into the hotel, you know the key everything that we go through And then he got he has a meeting at like 730 dinner

It's like one o'clock because i'm gonna go for a hike any trails the lady goes. Yeah, there's one up back there He goes up on a trail Zing bing bang boom you can still see the hotel all of a sudden he sees these guys killing this guy And then he locked guys with him and he runs And he starts he just runs in the other direction. They're running after him He gets lost turned around before you know He's in this fucking crazy like mind-bending dream world where he's now like

Walking around I mean he gets crazy he becomes a crab Dimensions he's gone for what feels like hundreds and hundreds of years He meets himself constantly in different forms And at the end he gets Like basically a decent life ahead of him and he gets a choice like do you want to go back to your life that you had before or Like you you can be a ruler here

And he chooses to go back Not knowing it felt like what what the consequences are and You know then he goes back. It's it's pretty fucking. It was crazy. It was like a you know a two and a half day read I didn't you don't learn anything. It's just kind of a A nice little mind-bending trip Just something to read on a plane. Yeah, but I've never really read those before. I always just read biographies so it's funny that I have a

in my office, I have like a computer in the desk and On a wall. I have like pictures of hell street pictures of my friends who I grew up with high school teachers and just regular shit that Most people wouldn't have I just keep it there as a reminder in a way It's so weird that some nights I get stoned

And I'll be fucking around the computer or maybe I'm on facebook returning messages or whatever and I'll look at those pictures And something will frustrate me and I'll go you know what it really doesn't matter Because someday I'm gonna go home Mm-hmm like in my mind for five minutes I actually believe that one day. I'm gonna stop doing what I'm doing And I'm gonna go back to North Bergen. It's gonna be just how it was. It's not he's across the street The Clemens is down the block with crabs

Up the corner Frank the fruit and fucking graceful That was a guy that Frank the fruit. Yeah graceful grace of oil I was licensed and it said fruit. Yeah fruit like you know, you know, he lived in it though. He enjoyed it And then I go what the fuck am I thinking about? But yeah, what the fuck is my and then I go to myself? Wait a second Wouldn't that be an interesting thought? if You could live and at one point They come back to you and go, you know what?

Then I grew up in my school. You wouldn't love it And you guys broke up because she's one of the joining army He meets a girl like that on the on the trip where he's like where he attempted. Yes, I'm just saying that They give you a chance. Yeah to go back Or stay with what you got now and usually what you have now is a beautiful family Two kids a great wife. Yeah, like you got a great life, but what if What if for the sake of argument? What if if you were to stay with that girl?

You know, like this is the shit sometimes at night when I'm writing. I'm like Yeah, like I'm just gonna stop what I'm doing and go right back to north bergen 1980 Like in the back of my mind today, it's still fucking exist Somewhere In a deep deep fucking corner that still exists in my mind I swear to you Yeah, I'm gonna stop doing what I'm doing and just go home. Yeah and just go home Which home will be fucking when I'm dead?

I'll be buried over there and we hawk in cemetery. So I'll be right down there by giving that terrace Got that god for good Well, she got going on that's it just a road right people in the podcast now Because life gets real jack. Yeah, but my parents do that too every time we talk and they talk about like they have their plots picked out My mother will go off. She'll tell you exactly what coordinates I'm in C I'm in C 38 your father's in C 39 They're next to each other. So it's not a long walk from the parking lot So you won't have to worry about you know when you come to visit me and you will

How far it is, you know, she My mom likes to she lives in that misery. That's like her Her her neutral when you're 28, you see an advertiser for a financiers funeral and you're like fuck that If I die let my fucking family pay for it those miserable fucks, you know saying yeah when you hit 50 you go, hmm Why don't I pay for it? Just in case one of these miserable fucks doesn't come up with the money I just want to die in peace. Yeah, that's when you become really crazy when you actually go down there And pay for your freedom in advance

There's some part of me that that is fucking crazy my parents have done it like me walking down. They go. How you doing? Mr. Bonacruvo Listen, I don't know when I'm gonna go all my feet hurt. I got a slight pain in my fucking neck look All signs are saying that either I'm doing this now or someone's coming by pretty soon with a credit card number What's the vague for me paying this out front right now? Give me a window slow. What do you got left in the Window. Yeah, give me a window. Give me a cash number, please. Listen. I'm gonna give you a suit pretty soon Can you throw a limo in limo right about the shoes?

Limo drive. Let me prepay this motherfucker. I even want to tip you for the flower guy You know why because that's how I roll. Mr. Bonacruvo Like that's the point when you're fucking nuts lee I've told you this Life gets real when you hit 50 That's when life begins the rest of this shit Is bullshit if you think I would have told you this 30 years ago. You're crazy Once I hit 50 I got a life

It's crazy, dog with the baby praying before dinner's then we both look at each other and go attack I love it. It's just it's too different I was talking for the fucking hypnotist today because I went to the hypnotist someone And we're talking about fears. Well, you know what fears are you don't understand? I never had a family like this We go to the park like the human beings we cheese and crackers at the park like fucking Like with gentiles She's eating yogurt covered raisins. We got we got two beach towels out like Puerto Rican My wife forgot the big the picnic tape

The picnic fucking blanket So my daughter goes go get the blanket mom and she goes on this comes back with two fucking towels. Like what happened? You forgot you were coming here today Yeah, the kids been talking about all morning you forgot about the fucking picnic picnic It was crazy because I had my jiu-jitsu bag and everything. I'm gonna go right from the hypnotist to jiu-jitsu I call my wife. She goes, listen I don't know what you guys talked about this morning, but that's when she wants a snack and she goes She's not eating till daddy gets here

Then you tell you we're gonna go to document come here and go. I don't know what the fuck I told her but I guess I'll go to the goddamn park. I go to jiu-jitsu Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday So that's why I did today It's just really interesting It's I can't imagine what two of them are disease and my heart goes out here It's a lot well next year. Thank goodness to go to the same school right now It's like you got they go to two different schools. So you you pick a pickup Drop off one drop off the other pick up one pick up the other my mom my wife's like a

You know a bus service back and forth, but yeah, it's a lot my youngest turns five tomorrow. It's his birthday We doing with him tomorrow. We go to dinner You know We go to like the pizza place. He likes down the corner and then uh sunday Little party at the park You want to ask you let's go to you know, honey morn's dad And you bring it up. You only got a morn. Let me get you a steak. Yeah. No, I don't like this Let's go to the pizza place. Like listen. I'd rather you puke

But if you like it, yeah, we'll do it I started calling McDonald's with my daughter last year. Yeah, and every time I go I see her for what the fuck it is And I tried to switch it up What do you get? I always get the same shit for the last every time I go to McDonald's the last 50 years I've gotten the same shit When I was a kid, you only got an option of a big Mac. Yeah And I disappeared from McDonald's scenes from a few years And when I made a comeback to have a thing call the quarter pounder with cheese

But I didn't like to have to stick my fingers in the sandwich and pull the piccolo I don't like to say no pickles now. You can't but not 20 years Quarter pound you get pickle and fucking spit now you can sound the fucking pickle out cock sucker so When I started going back on my daughter, what does she get? What do you think they get the chicken nuggets, right? Yeah the nuggets that fucking death meal That's why people become frappity. Listen It

I wouldn't we we discourage it. I know it's tough though. You're gonna get you're gonna get a mcdonald run one every 10 days You're gonna have to do a mcdonald run one every 10 days and that comes to terms with that It's when you're taking your kid in there three nights in a row. Oh, yeah, where it's a fucking problem and they're eating McRibs And all that shit that god knows it's eyeballs and pigeon tails and shit You know, you don't know what the tails. Yeah, you don't know what the fuck you're eating those things. So Uh, you know after she plays soccer on the sadly we go Yeah, I get the wapa jr. I went on a limb about three months ago when they had the big mac jr It's one patty. It's a little small. Oh really?

It was delicious Yeah, I can't lie. It was delicious for about two times And then he just went yeah one day got it and I'm like, oh, I taste this fucking. Yeah, this is bad news. This is horse meat No, that's Pigeon straight up horse. Pigeon claws the one I can't do anymore is taco bell I used to love taco like you shouldn't be able to do that for the last 10 fucking years Listen, there's too much good stuff out here, but I'd still taco bell is like a weakness of mine really not a weakness of mine a hundred percent

But like I wouldn't go there My first choice, but I could still do it if I had to it's so funny how it's around the corner from where I live And I have not gone there one time But I would rather get one on the street from any street place you can get There's nothing like the tacos from there The 49 cent tacos from mcdonalds. Is that where you get them? No, I don't know. I never they have mcdonald They had tacos and mcdonalds No a taco bell. What the fuck am I saying?

Stoned Oh taco bells got. Yeah. They got yeah, they got like 49 cent Yeah, you get like three tacos for like an hour 50. Okay, so we got that And I like the burrito supreme. What is it? Is that what it's called? Yeah, but see here's the thing I only go when I'm stoned late at night and late at night. They have like all the things are stale All the all the the the wraps are always stale the wraps are stale the wraps You know like what they the taco shell and if you get this soft taco You know the corners the all that the outside is all like I wish I was part of this book

I've gotten the whole thing stale. I've got I've even got the crack tacos stale I've had hard tacos be stale. They were I drive past that place And with all the nutrition information that goes up blah blah blah blah blah blah There's a line around the fucking corner constantly the next to a tight place And that fucking tight place they're out there yelling and screaming half the fucking time Shut the fucking doors down. You're killing me here. Who's gonna eat this fucking Tied shit

When you people coming in here eating this taco bell and it's really not meat, correct? Like you know that don't It's soy meat I don't know Me it's what there's some meat in it, but there's other stuff in it too You know it should all be meat, right? It should be yeah What do you think is in there beside the meat as you're eating Italy? It's two in the morning. You're throwing down ten tacos and you're chewing through that meat What are you really thinking in your heart? Like are you?

I'm just curious I mean how old were you when you realized taco bell you were eating somebody's foot Mixed with meat I Look at the look on this face. I would probably say it'd be like you have probably like animal meat So when did you realize there was animal meat in there besides? I don't know that It's delicious, but I can't do it. I haven't had it for a while No, I know you had but you did while you were having it. No, of course. You never think about a lot of

Jesus Christ. I'm eating somebody's toenail You ground it up over this beef That's what kills me that I just Listen, I know that you eat shit everywhere Even when you're not cooking. It's a no. Sorry about that There's a lot of shit out there. You know, you have to cook for yourself You don't know what the fuck they're putting in there or giving you for that sense but

With taco bell, you know going in they're giving you soy meat And 30% of fucking some cows shoulder I got shot. They're in a war The meat is mafia meat. They grind the you know, they're cutting corners all that stuff. Sure. They're cutting corners That's how they're corporate. That's how they make a profit You know by charging late this it's just a I love their sour cream They got the best sour cream in the business taco bell The fucking best that's why I get it, but they it's not they put too much now

I like the the tacos at the sour cream and I love the burrito supreme with sour cream It's how to be 10 15 years as I talk about It's not as good anymore. No, no I would never my wife made tacos tonight and she didn't she's not great at that Like it's like the east coast kind like the ground beef exactly Yeah, because they cook the ground beef like it's a hamburger. Yeah, exactly. That's a season They don't do nothing. They cook and they look at yeah Yeah, you know, they put in a taco. She's worried about she's cutting the

You know the cheese up the right way. Yeah, can we wait on lettuce? Can you worry about the meat a little more? There's no flavor. You gotta dope up the meat. Let's dope it up Let's marinate it before we put it in there. Let's cut it up. Let's get some taco seasoning Let's go online. Let's get to look for some nice taco meat different fucking preparations here Oh my god I'm sorry guys. I'm just low on the fucking high side So what are the dates you got coming up? Um, I'm going. Yeah, so the La Jolla comedy store

May 19th and 20th and comics and mohegan son june 8th 9th and 10th and I'll be on the east coast for a little bit Doing something in july too huntsville, alabama going to that club The stand-up live down there. I'll be there next year. All right I'll be there in august because I did last for this year And that's an hour and a half from Nashville. Yeah

So break them up do one do the other one way fuck around. You know what I'm saying? Why take your chances? Fuck. Yeah. What's going on? Lee? How you feeling? You're feeling good. Aren't you? Look at you. Absolutely. You're happy you showed up and shit. It's fucking monday may 1st The rent is due You got to be on fucking point the rest of the goddamn month Like I said to you this weekend I met wise guys in salt lake city Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with?

Mormons strap a pair on The mexicans will be out friday for sinko the fucking mayo in salt lake city. What are you nuts? Saturday, I'll be there again for two shows Then the following week Detroit is done So you got to go with fucking the the turner Ballroom in milwaukee. There's a couple tickets left. Don't fuck around. I'll see you guys either or And that's that mother fuckers. I'm happy you tuned into the church tonight

I'm happy steve where the zizi came by. Thank you for having me, buddy. I love you get to get the book brother sam so when steve covers it on his show you guys could follow it in there Look through the book just in case I got no time to take over the world Sometimes I write notes in the middle of that And I put shit in no god. I hope that there is you'll see the plan The fuck I found a card and the whole fucking thing here. What type of card is it my castellano? Don't tell the names no names. You understand me? No fucking names. Let me see what this card is here. Like I said people give me

Oh, yeah, this guy's wrong This poor bastard. What is he found the ceo? Call this number. What do you want to make a bet this thing is done? All right, can we go to a new fucking thing? Thank you, buddy for giving me the book. Absolutely Again, this show brought to you by on it Go to honor.com right now and get 10% off Any of their supplements with alpha brain you got 100 money back guaranteed if you don't like it, you know what? I'm on alpha brain right now. I swear to god. Fuck. Yeah, give a little alpha brain and try

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