Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #478 - Dean Delray

Episode Date: May 4, 2017

Dean Delray, Comedian, seen in the movie "Long Shots", and the Host of the "Let There Be Talk" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:    Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order of portable devices that spray your butt with water.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 05/03/2017.
  

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So this is why whatever deans on this song is on whether you like it or not This is as good as it gets into those good thoughts The lights out lights out. Here we go. Here we go. Oh, man Dean's getting all rushed up without the reefer tonight. He's solo. He went back to NA. He can't smoke a bong it No, he's on the motorcycle. What the fuck? I wouldn't get on the motorcycle at night unless I was smoking reef That's the only way to go down that fucking Laurel Canyons with 92 bongits and a fucking take this put this put San Lazer on your jacket. That's your lucky fucking charm from taking man. Greetings to the church Dean Delray My little nephew Lisa. Yeah, we're here. We're queer

It's a whole new fucking week. Thank you for enjoying Steve Reniz easy other day We had a good time in studio, but now we got my main man the music Extraordinaire the comic of fucking the future mr. Dean Delray Fresh from Denver taping his first fucking CD vinyl whatever the fuck you want. Yeah Vinyl record on bong load records man. What a perfect name, right and taped in Denver with a crowd's good people Oh, man the Wednesday over 120 30 people which I thought you know Wednesday then Thursday like 160 then Friday and Saturday full both shows

completely full then a Sunday Like 130 or so. It's like it was awesome, man. It's the Rockies. It's not the Broncos You don't want to fucking do a Sunday there. Oh, I call Sunday. Oh, no, it's a slow death Yeah, yeah, right people who do show up to the fucking show or people who came from the Bronco game And if you suck the throat fucking helmet out here, they fucking fire it up those people so I'm happy I'm happy it weren't wealthy a snowstorm Football snowstorm breaks out so we get there and it's like, you know 70 and we're like beautiful And then we wake up and it's just a fucking a foot of snow. It's crazy is that it's crazy

It was freezing out how crazy is that that it goes from zero to 60 and you can't explain it to people Yeah, like it. You just can't I saw it one time February Second of 1990 I got out of the BCTC the halfway house. Yeah, okay. I get out at one o'clock in the afternoon Me and my wife at the time go to eat at this cage in place. That was a house And it was downstairs and upstairs in a yard with Lucille's yeah Cajun place See if it's still there in Boulder Lucille's. Oh my god They used to have a red snapper. Oh with two eggs sunny-side-up and Beniz is shit. Oh, man

Are you fucking kidding me? What's it in Boulder Boulder? Well, I'll never forget that I went in there About one o'clock. We had the two eggs the fucking Benaits it's still there since 1980 who the fuck you think you're dealing with Wow So we go in there and we get the let's see whatever see what the breakfast option. I was looking at the location 21-24 14th Street yellow house. Yeah, it's a house What about the menu see what they got for breakfast? Okay, because they're only open for breakfast and lunch They're one of those type of place. I like those places. Yeah at that time. That's when they tell you So you want breakfast? Yeah, okay. They have an organic egg scramble. I don't think you got that

but I It has tofu and stuff has eggs Poncheranian with trout Has black and salmon. There you go egg sardu which is cream spinach and shrimp actually looks good No, no, they don't fuck around a New Orleans praline waffle with pecan batter. Yeah shit eggs benedict Mm eggs Jennifer, which is has spinach and avocado and tomato Eggs New Orleans has fried eggplant and creole sauce. Holy shit. That sounds good Pam Purdue is New Orleans style French toast and Then they have rice pudding a cheese omelet. They have a big menu. Yeah

Yeah, well, but when I was going there they had like a red snapper a darkened red snapper with two eggs potatoes Manets toast sounds like they replace that with salmon. Yeah salmon fresh with squeezed orange juice I mean I go in there. I eat this big fucking meal. I don't get high. I'm in the halfway house. It's my first day out You know, it's like whenever you make a change your body is all worked up for that change Yeah, and her and I went back to the house and we probably fell asleep like I thought there in the afternoon, maybe and Next thing you know, she was waking me up now when she picked me up that That Friday afternoon when I got out It was 65

Yeah, beautiful Sun was out birds were chirping not a cloud in the fucking sky. I go in at 4 30 now I had a dog that I had hercules that yeah, so I went to walk him and it was still beautiful. I went in fell asleep She woke me up at two that the water had broken. I go outside. There's a foot of fucking snow Fuck and I'll fall on Blizzard and you're like, okay. It's February. Yeah, but when you see that shit in April and May It was nuts. It's nuts. And then you see it in September. Yeah, Colorado always lets you know who's boss in September Yeah, September lights 15th. Don't dump a foot of snow on you. You're like Jesus Christ No, it'll be gone in a day and a half. It was gone gone gone. It's like it didn't even happen

No, it's like fucking nothing. It was so weird. It was like beautiful like I was there two weeks before with Marin So, you know 80 wearing a t-shirt the whole time didn't bring anything in my bag. So this time I go Yeah, same thing. You know what I mean? It's gonna be blazing I just want to bring my podcast gear and a couple shirts. I don't give a fuck and man I stepped out from the Friday night show and it's like this death wind blowing down that fucking 15th Street there and just snow just Hitting me. I was like, oh, what the fuck and it go it pumped all day and night. Did you go to that place and eat? Green Sam's yeah, but I got a new spot there now

Well, I go up the street to this joint called they got five of them in Denver snooze and it's like It's a breakfast joint, but they have this homemade chicken sausage that I gotta have every day They got one in San Diego, too, and then they have a quinoa oatmeal. That's just fucking you believe what I'm listening Can you believe the insult he just green chili for green quinoa fucking oatmeal? I was doing I was doing Sam's at night. I you know getting sloppy at night. I go in there I do all three Dean. This is like you're this might be your last Fucking oatmeal. I'll tell you what though. It is good when I'm in Denver dog Yeah, there's only that that's it. I only see Sam's yeah, cuz I know I'll never get that again anywhere

Yeah, I'll have even the burgers with the green chili on them and the Swiss cheese with the peppers They don't fuck around. They got that back bar there. They got the back bar milkshakes. I got the shirt I don't even eat any of that stuff. I get the two eggs Yeah, we're bacon and a thing of fucking green chili. My main thing there is the green chili I got a steak and eggs that one you told me to get you know what I mean? Yeah, I get the steak and eggs. I go late night there every night after the show together This isn't food related, but I saw a video you did at Red Rocks. Oh, yeah I've never been to Denver. We've talked briefly about Red Rocks on the podcast before. Oh, yeah

Let's talk about it. It's like legitimately in it's like the Grand Canyon. That's why I love driving through that kind of like I just love but it's like it's in that it looks so cool It's my dream to play there, right? So Chappelle's doing it this summer They did oddball there last year But you know as a kid and you know this Joey They you know you two shoots this infamous concert there and as a kid I was like wow did they build that place like what the fuck is that just those two? stone walls and then the the amphitheater and it's all wood seats and the view of Denver downtown

So we go out there immediately once the snow hits and to see it You know all snowed up and it's open all the time with no concert for just hiking around Which is so cool. You can hike this whole fucking place You can get on the stage and sing bloody Sunday's bloody Sunday, you know Sunday bloody son. That's the famous was it security at least no there's no it's just don't like a state park and they got a Visitor's Center. I went in the visitor's center. It's so fucking cool. We learned so much about this place It opened in 1906 It was called like Garden of the Gods and it had no no sound system back then

It was acoustically perfect to where people could play and they would hear it and Eventually over the years it got bigger and bigger, you know to turn it into a full concert venue The Beatles played there in 1964 I took a picture of the photo the fans are out there Boulder loves the Beatles They played there on their first run man Insane and here's a crazy thing in like the 70s if you look it up we would compete it Like early 70s Jethro toll played there and like a thousand people showed up with no tickets and stormed the joint

There was like a mini riot and they banned rock there for years like years man and then this guy the Denver promoter like 71 71 worked it to where rock could be there and like 80 or something I don't know, but you too is one of the first ones to go there and play you know, but fuck Hendricks played there So there's a secret tunnel From the stage underneath that goes up to the soundboard and I guess every rock star assigned the tunnel And there's like Hendricks signatures Beatles door all that stuff like signatures on this wall I didn't know it went back that far. That's really interesting. I couldn't believe it either man

I thought it opened like in the 80s. That's how fucking dumb I am. I did too though because I didn't know about that in the 80s No, I thought it opened up with you to me too. I thought they built this thing you to yeah, I Went there a few times very interesting, you know great place to trip and see a concert I mean when you go there you really understand the concept of having for your friends and Taking mushrooms or acid. That's what you're into totally and just walking around there and seeing a concert and seeing the sunset And all that it's fucking really sharp really sharp. It really is it's my favorite place in America I just you know, I only went there like three times But uh, I should have gone more. I was into different fucking things

Can you imagine if like five of us did it like say like a a roguin me you? Marin and a burr or something, you know, and like hence cover somebody, you know, like it like this like like two-hour Crazy show man, you know, it'd be great. I'm excited to see what Chappelle does there. Oh, yeah I didn't know that she posed. Yeah, man. It's sold out in like five minutes Yeah, is it the show with John mayor or no, no, it's him. Yeah, it's him because that's all but yeah, he's out with mayor Right, what is he doing? Do you know what that show is? He just does comedy and you know, and then John mayor plays, you know, it's cool. That's a different concept That's like 70s, you know, like remember all the comics up. I open for Allison chains this summer

It's like old school back then comics open for bands, you know, Carl and he open for everybody It's funny. I never saw comedian open for all those concerts. I went to I would have remembered I never saw comic open. It was it was early 70s is when they did it You know, I started going to concerts in the mid to because I never saw it either But Bobcat Open for Nirvana for a whole fucking tour on their big tour. No. Yeah, I got the shirt man And if you talk to Bobcat, he tells crazy stories like somewhere good and somewhere horrible, you know It's just him out there guy back in the Bobcat days, you know

Going crazy and open for Nirvana on the big tour. They did the cow palace in San Fran Oh, man, what's that seat? 15,000. Oh my god. Yeah, I just shit my pants thinking about it Opening up for a band. That's a different animal. Oh, it's so hard opening up for you know a comedy show is one thing Yeah, but for a fucking concert, you got to bring it Jack. Oh, I did it man And people like why is that roadie up there? Yeah, it's crazy. It's a different feel And when it goes bad, oh like he said it goes bad and you got tick-tock. That's when you know Time is fucking crazy. Oh, you know what time goes long for me at the store

Original room. It seems like the sets never gonna end. Really? That's why I get off as soon as I get the light at the store I don't fuck around like I'm happy to get the fuck out of there. You feel like that really? Yeah, it's crazy There's some rooms that that just make me Like how long am I up here? Yeah Where was I recently where it's time is forever. Yeah, it's for fucking ever You're like Jesus Christ like the first night of levity an ox. No, I the guy made a mistake He gave me a light of an hour. Yeah, so at the end how I'm like, I'm out of fucking material here Yeah, I didn't know it, but I knew it. I'm like, I'm dead

Yeah, and finally gives me a light and I close up and I get off stage and they're like you done an hour 20 And I'm like no I didn't they're like yeah, you did the guy gave me the letter an hour I'm like Jesus fucking Christ trying to kill me up here. That's the worst Yeah, if you give me a light at 40 at least I know the light by the way for people at home listening There's a light that the soundboard gives you let you know how much time you got left You know most comics want to do an hour so they got a light at 50 Let them know they have a 10 minutes to wrap it up, you know So I usually like a light at 40 so I could take 20 to wrap it up because you're usually in the middle of a fucking segment

Five to get out of that then a 15-minute closing in the fuck out of there Yep, but when they stretch that and then I paying attention And you know something's not right on stage. You're like something's not right on fucking stage Yeah, this time is going a little different here. Did you know it you feel it? Why don't you guys have a clock on the stage like it seems it seems like I've never seen a comic really get off like would you If that in that scenario if it hit an hour 30 and still no light would you just been like good night and like I know I didn't I'd know I'm watching the waitresses. Okay, gotcha. I'm watching the waitresses coming back and giving change If I see the waitresses giving change

I'm in the vicinity to get the fuck off the right. Okay, that makes because they don't want them sitting there if they can't drink Yep Check drops happen. That's why they ask you how much time you're doing That's why when a comic goes into a club and tells the soundboard guy I'm gonna do an hour They there's two hours and 30 minutes the club is furious We don't care if you do two hours and 30 minutes, but let us know yeah because then the people sit there For an hour with no drinks because now they got to reopen the fucking credit card. Yeah God, that's why clubs get mad when certain people come in and do five hours or three hours or two hours

Because it throws their clientele Yeah, so the timing, you know, I can't imagine it and the bigger the theater To bigger your response to laughter back to your punchline Yeah, so for people at home if you go see a comic in the theater and you go see a comedian at a comedy club And you go wow it was two different shows because that time There's 2,200 seats in comparison to 260 seats and there's all this fucking air to cover and believe it or not The laughter is a little slower. Yeah, like if it's laughter that goes from beginning to back You have to count three before you hit them with the second joke

It's a very interesting concept first five times you do theaters. You're in limbo. Yeah You really are in limbo until you pick that whole thing up I think the first person who spoke about it was I think Kenison Spoke about an interview or something. That's my thought about I go, that's right. Your timing is different in theaters It's a really interesting concept. Who gives a fuck you people at home going Joey. I'm a plumber I give a fuck about timing in an auditorium. It's true though. I mean, it's just timing in life You know what I mean like you learn learn timing on any kind of thing I remember when I was doing the first one I was gonna do with Russell Peters

It was like 10,000 and I called Marin in the parking lot at the store You know, I was like fuck man tomorrow. I'm just so I call him up like hey, man I'm doing like that 10,000 Cedar mom and I remember he's like, oh you got this man. Hey, he goes But remember one thing Go slow And I was like go slow and he goes. Yeah, when you think the laughs are done. They're not even close No, that's why yeah, and so you're stepping on your own material Yeah, I'm so glad he told me because what happens is the first three or four worlds are the laughs you hear

But they're not even you know, it's not even close yet to being done It's uh It's a journey and a half and you you know your your milestones are your CDs or your Specials or whatever nobody ever gave me a special So for a guy like me you got to start at CDs whether you're fucking the first CD I tape was at the three of clubs Yeah, yeah on a Tuesday night. That's a great room people And the second one I tape was with this guy that died God bless his soul good comic He would do him at the laugh factor and they give you thirty three dollars a minute

Thirty three dollars a minute. Yeah, so let's say you did two hours. Yeah, but they kept an hour It was thirty three dollars a minute. Wow. That's what you're they pay you that like 500 bucks. Yeah, they give you 50 CDs when the CD came out and then the rest of them you had to buy from them. Wow I took the 50. I never bought a dime from them again. They kept walking me. Why aren't you gonna buy more fuck you you sell them? So now when you go to truck stops, they still have my truck stops all over Texas, Louisiana The Midwest. What was it called? I fucking forget That I wish it was called that I fucking forget

You know, he took pictures and shit. He never okayed him with me. Yeah, you know, it's like one day I get this thing in the mail. It's my finished CD. I was pissed. You never gave me an okay Like he took the pictures and they disappeared. Wow. I thought he's gonna call back and go those pictures were ridiculous No, all of a sudden it's a picture of me with two chicks What a cover on a fucking blue. I'm that's what it's called the blue out really. Wow. How many CDs you got out? The blue out Live from the three of spades three of spades Either you were the priest

Yeah, pussy with asthma. Yep savage dad five and then this six six man That's fucking dope. I'm like I'm at the point of we sold our soul for rock and roll. It's a sixth out. Oh, wow, right? It's a six down. Yep. Yep. Yep. Oh, what was Zeppelin's sixth out? Presence Is it presents? Let's see you got Zeppelin one two three Then you got the four the houses of the holy man houses of the holy. Yeah presents Wow, those are all good out and then in through the outdoor and then coda No, yeah physical graffiti in that too. Oh, yeah, fuck. I almost forgot it's a good graffiti six. Oh six

There you go. Yeah, I forgot about that one completely. Yeah, you know, we you and I have a weird taste for music You're more obscure, but your fundamentals and my fundamentals of music are pretty similar So we have something to work with I have friends that their fundamentals of music and my fundamentals of music are completely different and I never fucking thought about it. I never thought about it or you and I haven't countless conversations about music And you're out of town and a few weeks ago. I'm in my Office and I go Jesus Christ

No, there's a smell in here But it's dirty like it's dirty. Yeah, so I unplugged the speakers The the headphones and I put on I was scrolling like oh, what can I play that I haven't played in a long time? And I go, you know what? Let me put on Powerage, which was always a classic for me. It's AC DC's I think fourth album. Yeah think released in like 77 or 78 78 and Just great songs on there, you know a couple songs I had to stop and re-listen to and go wow It's been a long time since I heard this and then I was outside

You know taking garbage out and sweeping whatever the fuck I was doing in there and YouTube automatically switches to the next album. Yeah, if you don't stop it and all of a sudden that he had go down Yeah, I see DC and I'm listening to this and I'm thinking about high school and sophomore year and no no I'm thinking about like freshman year and and all of a sudden You know, I don't know what the order is on that doggy dog Yeah, and then it's something else after that and I think by the third song. I had actually go in Start the album Go to my bathroom in the back go outside spark a bowl and I went back in and I got a notebook

I sat down and nobody was home. It was like a rare time and I listened to all eight or nine songs on this album Yeah, and you don't have to flip it over like at home with an album, right? CD so By the sixth song, I actually got to stop go get tissues Blow my nose and control my emotions. Oh, man. I was angry with myself for various reasons I was angry with myself because I'd forgotten about the sound. Yeah, I was I was happy because This album was like the fucking It's just like the four faces of the president yeah, oh rush more

This is like one of my rush moors on my casket totally this album really fucking like I I loved highway to hell And I love power range and I love TNT high voltage But let there be rock Just has something it has a different feel to it, you know a great woman was once told me that You the reason why she enjoyed Zeppelin AC DC was because in every album they grew Yeah, there was a different sound everybody likes a certain band and a certain album because of a different sound that and that shows You were the power of that fucking band. Yeah, which today we don't have no more We don't have that strength and for us you're gonna cover some bands that you said you've watched lately

But that six album seven album tenacious To show up seven times with masterpieces. Yeah and change your sound around a little bit is the real Brand whether it's comedy or music. It's the real brand of what the fuck we do we growing you're growing, you know but you see the growth from fucking Whatever the second album is dirty deeds thunder G Well, you got if you start in the States it starts with high high voltage and then it goes into let to be rock But if you go like your traditional, right, it's like TNT, right, you know, and you got high voltage You got dirty deeds. They got the let to be rock. You got power age

Then you got highway to hell, you know, you know, I always I always talk about Floyd having those four power albums Zeppelin had those four power arms This album is part of those four power albums. It's insane like it's it just kicks off a barrage of debt It's this power age and highway to hell Which kick off a barrage of fucking death Is it just like the amount of good songs like what are you what are you guys talking about this? I'm talking about the guitars the music the lyrics light it up light it up dog Like this fucking thing up. You're talking about them having everything is different

The songs are written from actual fucking stories that happened to the band They had a singer by the name of bonds got God rest his soul That was one of the last true savages Like his style of of living has died and died with lemmy, you know, these are guys that smoked and drank till the end They never gave up. This was their life. This is who they were they drank they did You know, I could go to YouTube, but I want to sit here with you guys for a second and even though the music is on low I don't think the speakers on buddy, I think of you if you wanted to what speaker It's not a sound of it. What is it? Maybe it's changing songs

Here we go. Yeah, doggy dog, you know All these songs and it's like it goes from go down doggy dog. What comes next? There you go, let the be rock my favorite let that be rock and bad boy boogie and bad boy boogie There's a guitar part and bad boy boogie. Yeah, but I think it's one of the most good Brilliant guitar pieces right before bond Scott says I was born to be a woman for the day I die whatever just two lyrics that spook your fucking spine Yeah, like all your neck hair stand up. You know the same. I love that. He comes in on the day I was born the rain fell down. Yeah, no, no, no, no, and it's brilliant writing

You know the other side has one of my all-time listening if I gotta judge my all-time favorite AC DC songs number one is Give me a bullet to buy that. Oh, yeah, that's number one that to me in the lyrics the content What he's talking about it's coming from a real place. If you know anything about bond Scott number two Walk all over you and touch too much Destroy me night prowler. Yeah destroys my insides What's on the Power Rage is that how a song called something about the moon? Oh, what's next to the moon? Just pure brilliance if you let you know rock and roll damnation. Oh

What's the other one that not sin city, but there's another one on there? Power Rage you got riffraff. Yeah riffraff. This is just classic. Yeah guitar stuff now for this album here This is a great jam, but it warms you up to hit it would let that be rocked. Oh god You know and just a statement that they were making if you look at the album cover It doesn't even look real. It looks like they are kidding kindergarten Cut a picture out around them and put it on a fucking thing So you were really into like the whole experience like the whole band from the from the people in it to what they were wearing to I didn't give a fuck what they were wearing. I didn't give a fuck what they look like. I

Wanted them to make me feel something When I go to a concert doesn't my lately you like to choose to jump up and down, right? Yeah You know why you like them because they make you feel something. Absolutely. Yeah, okay. I Think that the DJ and all that stuff and play it like I can't go to a show To watch a DJ spent but I'm 54 years old right. I'm an old man. You know, that's not what I cover I want to see this. Yeah, I want to see four guys five guys Go up to the stage and create this, you know when I was talking with Dean about on the phone He made a great point that this album is dirty

Yeah, well, you know what they that what the story is on this record is Punk rock hits in 77 without dirty This is dirty people They're Australian and It's it's Chuck Berry on steroids Absolutely Absolutely, and you know, so here's the story punk rocks big and 77 AC DC's playing quite a bit in London. They realize well, we're not a punk band, but we need to keep up with this

So they write dirty fast rock like this song here This is so fucking fast when you think about it. Listen, it's just Da You know what I mean? It's it's hauling ass and you could see these they were playing with punk bands, you know right there in London So this keeps up with it right away compared to the high voltage where it's like, you know, like blues rock, you know poker face was her name Poke a bit, you know, like the Jack. It's kind of bluesy. This is like straight punch to the face

Get the fuck out of it out of the pit man. Here we come, you know, you know a lot of times you come on here and we talk about different things. I talk about if Lennox skated wouldn't have died, or if music would have gone. Yeah, damn, listen to this and I'm like, what would have happened if Bonds got what it lived? Because back in black would have been a completely different album.

And it was already written when we died. It was already ready to go with the box, ready to tape, you know? I can't imagine how Hell's Bells would sound with Bonds Scott. Yeah, right? And have a drink on me is such a bond thing. You know, have a drink on me.

You know, it's so bond, you know? And that fucking, also just back in black, the actual track, hit the sack, been too long, glad to be back. It's just so incredible. Like it would have been insane with him. You know, because that record sold more records. It's up there with Thriller and the Eagles, you know? So it's like, imagine with him, like, whoa, crazy.

You know, it was crazy. Like, I lived through all this. Like, this is not something that, like I still remember, it was a fucking cold day, and I did acid with this dude, John Crowley, and Louis Castellita, right? Every fucking, it was freezing, fucking freezing. And we went to this park and, oh my God,

we just did so many, that kid, John Crowley, he's like a kid's illustrator today. But he used to be top notch entertainment whenever he did drugs. Like, he could just bust you up. From picking up a cone with Ants on it and eating it in front of 200 people. Like, he had no fear about nothing.

But this one day, he took his dick out and got on top of a tree stump that everybody sees is making this turn. And every time people were driving past him, he would wave at him with his dick out. And we're on ass and laughing at our asses all. But the main thing was that we found out that night that Bon Scott died on his birthday.

It was like my 17th birthday when he died. Yeah. So. I was in junior high. You know, nobody knows nothing about nothing in those days. We had cream magazine. Like I mentioned with you and Jimmy Florentine.

There was no internet. There was no videos of ACDC rehearsing. There's no Twitter. All of a sudden, one day out of nowhere. My people like, bro, we got tickets for ACDC. You go home. I'm like, I didn't fucking, I thought the guy died. I think he replaced them.

The guy sounds the same. It's tremendous. And again, it was one of those nights where we took a bus over. We got Coke from Jack Finn, me and Kurt DeLorenzo. God bless his soul. Yeah. We were a wee hawk and then we got Coke

from this guy, Jack Flynn. I told the story on him. We went over there and the Coke was amazing. Like it was cocaine, like 1980. Pablo Escobar, no speed, eyeballs would get red. You know, the alcohol really wouldn't hit your body. The Coke would just clean it up before it would start creeping. But it was hot.

It was August 1st of 1980 when they showed up. And it was hot. Was it 80, 80? 80, 80. It was hot, hot. The tour has started in Philly on July 31st. So we caught them early, straight out the box. August 1st and at the Palladium,

which is not a Skardin or a Meadowlands. It's a theater. And Death Leopard opened up for them on the fucking, this is what it was. High and dry? Yeah, high and dry. No, remember, high and dry was released like in 81. But it didn't hit.

Yeah, they had the one before it. On through the night. On through the night. Yeah. So they're waiting for it to drop. They're probably out touring, you know. That's how bands did it. So in LA fucking, we went.

And AC DC, where Brian's got that night, was masterful. I was there, I saw it. I saw the damage they did. I know how I felt when I left there, like blown the fuck away, coked out, drunk. In those days, we used to drink nips. But if I was with Kurt, we'd drink, he has two good friends.

Yeah, yeah. Lonebrow, Lonebrow, Lonebrow nips. Remember Nicol, Nicolobe? Nicolob too. I would go to Mickey's Bigmouth. I had a friend that was shaped like a Nicolob bottle. Timmy Holloway, remember Timmy Holloway? My friend, my friend Roger.

He's shaped like a Nicolob. No, no, no. These guys at Tabascos, when his family lived next to the Runnies, and they had five kids. And one looked like Eddie Van Halen. One was a biker, one was Guy, who's my goomba. One was, I forget the one guy's name,

that's kind of like a swear, and then there's the one guy that's a cop. And he's shaped funny. He's shaped funny. Sounds like a village people. Shaped like a Nicolob bottle. That eats completely different. That sounds like a Beastly Boys line, right?

Teddy Guy. Jesus Christ, what the fuck? That's right, that's it in my tongue. But anyway, the one that was the cop had a funny looking body. So Roger used to always call him a Nicolob bottle. And he's shaped like a Nicolob bottle. He used to say, your brother, you know, Timmy.

Timmy, the guy that you met. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. His older brother is a fucking Eddie Murphy dude. Like, I'll put him up with Eddie Murphy. No shit. Even today, born again Christian, half of bots, he's still naturally funny on the phone. And that's what he, you know, what the fuck we talking about?

We're talking about Brian, John, that little Nicolob. A Nicolob bottle. You have drinking nips at the ACDC. He would say, I go, how long have you been out here? I was out here for like four minutes. That fucking Nicolob bottle. I wanted to talk to him. He was like, that's how he'd refer to him.

Nicolob bottle. Hilarious. I was just thinking about that. I was trying to work on a bit where, you know, everybody wants bullying gone and it's like, there's not going to be any good nicknames anymore. You know, like Buck Teeth, Sam, you know, and Laser Breath Linda, all these great nicknames.

People aren't going to enjoy those anymore. No, they're a lot worse now. Those are like, But I'm just saying, you know, kids would make fun of you now. If you tried to call them Laser Breath Linda, they'd like kids have the internet now. They're probably ruthless.

Yeah, but what I'm saying is no nicknames will be around anymore. Cause they'll be like, yeah, that's bullying. You know what I mean? But nicknames are going to be gone. Right? If you don't have a nickname, you're really not loved. Yeah. I never knew that.

Wow. My mother pointed that out. I fucking hated the name Coco. Yeah. When I was old enough to live in Manhattan, like when I was living on 88th Street, when I was about six or seven, I did not like the name fucking Coco. But I had another predicament.

I didn't like the name Jose either. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I started thinking about it like, well, wait a second, my name is Antonio. I'll just call myself Tony. So I even got a ring made, Tony. I had Tony put on everything. I was like fucking Tony, T-O-N-Y, Tony.

That was it. And my mother's like, oh, it's Antonio. And I would go, no, no, my name is Tony. And she would go, you know what, Tony, go fuck yourself. Your name is also Tony. Fucking Tony. I started calling myself Tony. Tony.

It looked like you were channeling Tony in that headshot the comedy store put up the other night. Did you see that? Oh yeah, I love that with the glasses. Let me tell you guys, I moved here on a fucking Monday. Yeah. And I had to take that picture on a Thursday. Yeah.

Because people are like, you got a headshot. You got a headshot, you got a headshot, you got a headshot, you got a headshot. Some guy that was a friend of a friend's. Yeah. Took those pictures and the glasses were the chicks I was dating. Oh, well they were.

So just let me borrow them for the headshot. No way. Yeah, it's a comedy headshot. Yeah, yeah. It's not a theatrical headshot. Yeah, yeah. Well, I love, that's one thing I love about the store. Right now they're rebuilding the bathrooms

and we gotta get those headshots back up because it really gives it that sense of history in there. Cause like even when you look at early ones of Ari Shafir or early ones of, you know, Steve Ramsey, all these guys from years ago, and you're like, whoa, look at how like, like they're almost straight. It shows you what we looked like the before picture.

Yeah, yeah, the before. And then you look at us now, this is 20 years again, lied to, smoke blown up your ass. Hollywood abuse. Yeah, Hollywood abuse, this is what you look like. Is that why all headliners seem to have like very like depressed looking headshots?

All like, every headliner has like a serious headshot. You know, I look at that headshot, I looked at that last night. I lost that headshot. That was in the car when my car, when my apartment got fucking towed. That was your little headshot you had? No, I had a different headshot.

But at that time I always saved five or six headshots. Right. For you don't know what, what the fuck it's gonna be. And I looked at that headshot and I thought of one thing, that I wasn't as old as I thought I was when I moved here. Yeah, I was still a young fucking kid, man. When I moved here, I was 33 years old. Quite and simple.

Yeah, yeah, right. Exactly. I was a fucking young man. And in my mind, I was in Hollywood's mind at that time. That's fucking old. Yeah, yeah. That's fucking old. Like boy, you're long in the tooth,

you gotta lose weight, you know. I don't know what we can do with you. Yeah, it was kind of fucking weird. Yeah. And I didn't, I never took that to any of them. I didn't give a fuck what they had to say to me. It really never mattered. Oh yeah.

Funny ass story for you, Joe. You're gonna love this more than, you know, I've had no manager, seven years, no agent. So I do the Ontario improv a couple of weeks ago. Do some good numbers, you know. And then I do the San Jose improv. Do some pretty good numbers. And then I've, you know, got this record coming out.

So there's some, you know, Twitter stuff going and some management people call me up. Just cold call. I don't know where I'm sitting on my couch. I don't know this number. I had to, it's a conference call, two managers. And they said, hey, hey, it's such and such and such and such.

You know, we just wanted to talk to you and, you know, saw you did some good, good stuff coming up and doing some things. And, you know, we want to know what you got going on. You know, you got a manager. I go, nah, I haven't had a manager in the whole time. And they go, why do you think that is? And I go, well, I'm 51.

It's not an easy work. Nobody knows. Yeah, that's going to be work. And what are you going to do? Get, you know, 10% of my 1500 on a weekend. Nobody's going to want to do that. And they go, well, you know, well, we got such and such and such and such.

And, you know, we're really interested. Can you send over some clips? And I don't have any clips, but I had a good 30. I just shot it though. So I sent it over. I don't hear nothing from them. Right? You don't love this.

I get an email today. Now taking mine. They cold called me, right? They cold called me looking to manage me. When I send them the video over, they send back to me this answer right here. You're going to love it. Appreciate the follow up.

We enjoyed your stand up. But at this time, we don't think we have the bandwidth to start working together and do what needs to be done when launching a client. We like to ensure you, we love to be 120% when we work with someone. We couldn't honestly offer you that right now. Wish you the best.

They make it look like I contacted them. I didn't even contact, first of all, don't bullshit just say, I don't like your comedy or we don't know what to do with you. But they made it look like I contacted them and they don't have the time. You got rejected for a job you didn't apply for. Exactly.

I'm like, you should have just said, you know what, we don't really did this. Isn't that hilarious? You know what I mean? I don't want to embarrass nobody about eight, nine years ago before the podcast came even longer. Yeah. I get a call from like,

you ever get a call from an assistant? Oh yeah. Like an agent's assistant. And they go, hi, it's a such and such. We, yeah, I love that. And she goes, listen, one of my clients would like to speak with you about an opportunity. I go, okay, who's your client?

They tell me, oh yeah. The back of my mind, I've seen this guy around town 10 times. You're more than happy to call me. So I go, okay, we're gonna loop him in. He loops in, hey, Joey, what's up? Last time I saw you, really funny. I couldn't stick around.

I wanted to ask you something. Are you being managed right now? Yeah. And I go, no, I got nothing. I was, listen, man, there's a manager at my manager's office that fucking thinks you're great, that he loves your character. He worked with characters for eight years over

at such and such agency. He thinks he could really kick your acting career going. Yeah. I go, that would be great. This is fucking amazing. I'm like, wow. Yeah. This is my lucky day.

No more fucking shitty agents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're a managing, acting, fucking, the real deal. Like these guys just have like a bunch of fucking names. So I call the guy and he's like, oh my God, it's a pleasure. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da. You don't understand.

I've taken guys like you, this guy, this guy, and they're fucking again. I'm like, wow. Yeah. This seems a little weird. He goes, again, what do you have on hand? I got a reel. I got this, I got that, I got this.

Let me send it over to you and get this started. He goes, yeah, let's get this work going. A week goes by, two weeks goes by, three weeks goes by. Finally, you know me, dawg, I'm a Cuban Jew. I gotta pick up the phone. That's exactly what happened to me. I pick up the fucking phone and I dial the phone and I ask for him and there's a long pause

and he can't talk right now. Is it okay if he calls you back and sure enough, the next day he called and he told me that at this time, man, me and my partner is disgusting. I gotta tell you something, I could see you doing great things, but it would be a long haul for us.

Yeah. We're so busy with this and this. And then why did you make this poor fucking actor call me and embarrass himself? Yeah. Like it's just, and this is six or seven times. Yeah. You know, last week I met with a guy

as a friend who exchanged the stories and I told him when I was shooting the longest yard that at one time, what's his name? The black crazy guy in the longest yard. You know, he got hit by a fucking trademark. Oh, Tracy Morgan? Morgan. Tracy Morgan in the process that had left three yards

and he signed with a management called Hamprint. And years ago, out of the fucking blue. Lee, you ready? I'm ready. I get a call from one of the kids I grew up with and he goes, Joe, you got a minute? I go, listen, there's a guy in LA that he wants to help you. Yeah.

Like, what are you talking about? You have a fucking long show to me. He goes, I'm telling you, his father works on the docks and he always talks about you. His son's senior in LA, he knows you're from Jersey and he's a big time manager. Like we think he handles Jennifer Lopez. I'm like, what?

Yeah. Yeah. This has to be bullshit. Yeah, yeah, of course. Sure enough, he goes, can he contact you or you want to contact him? He goes, you know what? I'll contact him.

He goes, I'll call you back in an hour. Calls me back, gives me a guy's number. I call him up. Joey, how are you? Oh my God, I'm so happy. Listen, Jersey loves Jersey. Jersey loves Jersey. Let's do this.

He's like, dog, I love you. And this is like after Spider-Man 2. Yeah. Before the longest yard. And he's talking me up. What is your next showcase? I go, when do you want it to be? Yeah.

He goes, how about Thursday and eight? Thursday and eight? Let me call you right back. Improv, can we do it? Yeah, it's for this and stuff. Yeah, that's what Tracy Morgan left three yards for. Right. He shows up and showing up two days later.

You know what, man? We work in comics, they're a little bit more like Calibre than you. But you just called all the way to New Jersey. I know. My friend. Yeah. So don't ever feel bad.

No, I don't. It happens all the time. Is that crazy too? It's crazy. I mean, they called me. And people at home are like, what the fuck? Is that the way that business is? Yes.

We had a manager on here, maybe two years ago. Yeah. And off camera, he spoke very highly of you. Of me? And he said, like a dean, no. And it's funny, Dean, because I don't ever want people to get the wrong concept, but I got to tell you something.

If there's one person, there's a couple of people doing it the right way today. You see all the people who succeed, and then you see all the underlings like myself, Dean, Tom, you know, we're just striving to just get. But we all share the same thing. That the funny thing about this town is you could be the funniest guy in the world.

But if people aren't coming through your shelves, that doesn't get the machine going. Nope. The machine is all based on that. For years, Dean Delray, I did not know this. Yeah. Because in the world, the proof is in the pudding. You know, people have to come out and see you.

They have to come out to support you. That spreads the word. Anything else is obsolete. Doesn't matter. It's all money. And once you're on that public eye, it's funny how you could be doing this, that, this, that. If they can't get a way to make money for out of you,

they will not sign you. I had this discussion a couple of weeks ago with a young open-micor who, I think, took offense to our conversation because I explained the truth to him. Yeah. That these people do not want to have contact with you till you're getting paid.

And they want to come along and get paid. And then you become their best friend. And everything that happened 20 years before that is forgiven. Yeah. Just forgiven. And sometimes you go, Joey, why don't you forgive that guy? Because you know what, I got a monster feed.

Yeah. And I don't have time to argue with somebody over talent. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I'm like, why didn't you put me in that movie eight years ago? Who gives a fuck? The movie was a flop anyway. Yeah.

Burr told me the greatest thing. He said, you're going to get a lot of nose all the way up. And he goes, but you're going to get there. I can feel it. And when you do, don't give all those nos a fuck you. Because it's nothing personal. It's just business. No.

You can't come into that life at that time. Yeah. They have no space for you in that life. And this happens with music. You know, it's all the same. Listen, this goes back, I said it a thousand times to the mafia concept. On Friday, at the end of the week,

whoever shows up at the biggest envelope could get away with the most. I'm watching a show tonight about heroin in Montreal. Just the other night, I get home from Flappers, or I think it was Saturday, the ice house. And you don't want to start nothing. It's fucking on 11, 10 after 11. You don't have time to put two hours in.

You want to be in bed by midnight. You want to get up on the Lord's Day early and eat that Cano oatmeal. I know you. Keen while oatmeal. Keen while oatmeal. Cano. So it was like 11, 20, and I had to.

I go, yeah, midnight. I did the CBD oil. So I gotta stay up right now anyway before I fall asleep. And there's this thing about the Montreal Mafia. Wow. And how they did, or they hired the bikers to do all the work for them. Like they hired the Hells Angels.

And that guy, the boss of the Hells Angels was a savage up there. Car bombs and fucking blowing people up and shit. But they distributed the heroin that came in from whatever, Ying Yingville. Right. They would get in fucking in Montreal and then they would send half of that load to New York

to the Banana Crime family. And it's really interesting that you watch all these TV shows and you read all this. You deal, you die and all that. All that shit was bullshit because at the end of the week if Lee's struggling to give me $10,000 and you give me $75,000, even if I know you're selling drugs,

I'm taking that money. I'm not gonna say where'd you get the money from. How much you give me from the drug operation? $30,000. I'm not gonna take that money, take that out of the bag. So they all became, like at the end of the day they were all dealing drugs. Everybody knew to stay a fucking float,

to really line your pockets with real money. They found out years later after Paul Castellano that even the underboss, that dude, had a heroin smuggling operation in South Jersey. That's the whole thing, godfathers enough. He didn't wanna do drugs. They're like, dude, you're an old man, the booze and the prostitution is over,

it's all about drugs. That's the whole story, you know? That's where the big quick money is. And it's funny how there's a hypocrisy. It's the same hypocrisy in music probably and it's the standup comedy. You could work your ass off, you could be a funny person, but until you start filling those seats

they really don't pay attention to you. They refuse to pay attention to you. Then they jump on the bandwagon and they have options of how to teach you how to sell more seats or venues or things like that. That's what an agent does. But in the beginning, I've said this a thousand times, there's not much people could do for you.

You know, your friends were, your friends were Mark Marin. You know, do you think Mark Marin just grabbed you and put you in the show just because you're, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I mean he gave you a few episodes, the same way he gave me, but people think like, oh, let me just call Mark and shit.

You know, go on the road and people come up to you and go, tell Mark to put you more episodes. Oh, I have that one. Let me call Mark right now. Or they always say this one, you ought to be out in Toledo, you ought to come to Jersey, you ought to come. I go, dude, I'll go anywhere until I put butts in the seats.

The clubs know. They go, this guy's filling rooms, get him immediately. The phone starts ringing. The phone starts ringing. Yeah. I feel bad, I get those things too to go with Joey, but Joey can't fly me across the country just to take edibles and sit in the green room.

I mean, it'd be great, but you can't just do that. But is it also going back to what you're talking about with the agents and stuff? Is that why, especially with you, you're very, not that you take as much, you want to strike while the iron's hot because you know as soon as you stop putting people in the seats, they're going to drop you too.

Like, is that always in the back of your mind? Just. No. No. Never. Listen, once you're as poor and you struggled for as long as I did doing comedy, you survived. Yeah.

Because I survived life on the different terrains. I survived through a valley of drug dealers. I survived through a valley of loan sharks. Yeah. Couches. Couches. Bad children. You know, you got to remember where this animal

was fucking caged all those years and who he was dealing with. So when I came out here, I can't say I got starstruck, but I respected people who were bigger criminals than the criminals I grew up with because they're criminals of talent. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

They just wheel and deal talent. Yeah. There's some people who do it because they really enjoy stand up. They really, really enjoy it. They really enjoy it. There's some people who put you through a process. They take you, they groom you a little bit

and then you're out there. You're out there to your fucking dead. Yeah. You know, which for some people is great, but somewhere in there, you have to take control of what's going on and go, this is my parameters. This is what I'm gonna do

and this is what I'm not gonna do. And that's where the success comes. If you look at one guy who did that from the beginning, it was a guy named Daniel Tosh. Oh man. Daniel Tosh is a strict businessman, motherfucker. When you hide Daniel Tosh at 40 minutes, he's a memory. Yeah.

That's it. 40 minutes. He doesn't do a minute over or a minute under. And he's on that private jet to the next city. He's on that private jet to the next fucking city. He's a business dude. He's very stern with his business and it's worked out from that ways.

That's what you have to do at times. Sometimes you're gonna go bank heads with your management, your agency. But if you believe it, your conviction is strong enough and you prove it to them, everything's fine. Yeah. You know, again, I'm 54 and I feel it.

Yeah, I constantly look at you as the, you know, like inspiration, you know, like when I got that email, I was just like, yeah, it doesn't bother me because I just did a record and I'm working, you know what I mean? You came to me and it's like, I'm working tomorrow no matter what. You know what I'm saying?

First of all, I always thought a manager was somebody you had a love. Yeah, okay. I always thought a manager was the type of person that would come up to you and go, Dean Delray, Joe Diaz, how are you? Nice to meet you. Dean, you're a great guy.

I'm watching you on stage. I hear nothing but great things about you. I really like to work with you. But at this level, there's nothing I could do. I have a girl that books comedy or guys for people. She books this guy, this guy, this guy, this guy. I'd like to get your resume started in acting. You know, maybe get some ticket sales,

put a couple CDs out, specials, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Let's work together for six months. No contract. You can leave whenever the fuck you want. You pay when I get you. If I don't get it for you, you don't pay. If your agent calls you with a movie and you get $22 million,

I don't, if I didn't get it for you, you don't pay me. Cool. And in those 90 days, I work a little harder for you. I tell you a little more than, first I call you and go, it's kind of dead out there. I've made some calls, but I've made big time calls. Like I've called in favors from friends that have a show for voiceover.

Cause at the end of the day, it's all the same. You know what I'm saying? It's who makes the call. So if you're a good manager, you should have three contacts that I could call right now to get the ball going to impress you. Totally, right?

Totally, totally. So I spoke to my friends over at Bill Burr's show. You know Bill Burr? Yeah, you know Bill from the store. Yeah, F is for family. Yeah, F is for family. I got you three episodes. You're gonna play the garbage man down the block, okay?

Because he knows that one guy over there and he pushed you and he pushed you and he pushed you. You may not know Burr, but he pushed you. It's not up to Burr or whatever. He knows people at Netflix, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Then he'll call like a theater somewhere and get you in there for one night

for more money than you've ever dreamed of, for like 1800 cash on a plane ticket. And then he'll call and go, do you have an agent? And you'll go, no, you go, all right, I'm gonna email you something, print it. Take that over to Martin C.A.A. Go talk to my friend Matt Frost over at C.A.A.

You know what I'm saying? Frosty. Yeah, you follow how that's how a manager, now you're impressed. And you're like, whoa, just in three weeks. Just in three weeks. I got a theater, I'm on F is for family, I got an agent, then you're like, wow, this is real.

Now guess what? Yeah. When you get that call from Mark Marin and he takes you on the road and he pays you the good money for theater money, who are you gonna pay a commission to when you get back? And the manager. We're pride.

I can't. Here you go. And take a hundred, go get yourself a haircut, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Because you know they're real and that's how you build that bond. Number two, how can you do what you're doing lately?

I'm watching you. Yeah. I've been watching you lately. I could see somebody else, like two or three other people have mentioned you, what you're doing, which is very smart. You're going, you know what? Listen, you got, you're 51.

That means you got one foot in the grave with a banana peel. Yep. You shouldn't even do jumping jacks before lunchtime. You know what I'm saying? Just in case. Because our percentages are a little higher than over 50. But right now, you're going for the juggler.

You're not dicking around with movie or commercials. You said, fuck it, I'm going for a clientele. I wanna let people know they come for an hour, they got a great show, blah, blah, blah, blah. When I'm not doing this, I'm learning with Bill Burr and Mark Maron and Joey and fucking Jim Jeffries and you know, Eliza, whoever the fuck says to you, you wanna go on a road and work,

which is the best education you can do. I did it for years. Totally. I've headlined shitty rooms for fucking years and I'd open up for Joe. There's no ego there. I don't have no fucking ego. I don't give a fuck.

I love it. The ego is the fucking bank book. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I'm paying my bills, I'm paying rent, I'm eating, I'm smoking reefer. You know, I'm not fucking Kevin Hart. You're doing it.

I'm Kevin Hart, but I'm fucking making a living, which ain't bad. You gonna put the other side on while me and Lee eat another star? We don't look high enough tonight. I know what the problem is. I know Lee needs another fucking bank and a debt. I'm high as fuck.

I don't look high. Not at all. Okay. Fuck it. Don't look high at all. It's time for you to see the debt. My spots haven't come out yet tonight. No, Spottie, you took the medication.

Yeah. You took the Spottie medication. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yes. This is side fucking two of the classic Let There Be Rock. The backside of this is Angus Young with like a weird light color, like a...

Amber. Amber, like an almond color light. With that lip kicked up, the SG, the schoolboy suit, you look at it and you go, oh, there it is right there. Like he just came on, you know, he's still got all the outfit on. Now you and I have had discussions about bands before. Yeah.

Because for a week, I listened to this out. Yeah. And I broke down every song and I thought about it and I wrote jokes while I listened to it, right? Spoken the phone to people when I had it on low and I sent certain videos to certain friends of mine on Facebook like, think about this, motherfucker. Yeah.

How good is this shit? Yeah. How many nights did we listen to fucking over, over whatever, over those on you and the fucking this? I realized something and I started watching a couple of Brian. Brian Johnson. Brian Johnson videos and I came to a conclusion

that's really hurtful. Till this day. Yeah. AC DC was done when Bon Scott died. Brian Johnson, those guys were something else. Yeah. And I tolerated back in black. I got sucked into the, with the ether.

For those who sucked the cock. I love that record. By that time. I love that record. By that time I had done it. For those who sucked the cock. Yeah. For those who sucked the cock.

Fire! We salute you by that time. I had the album, my shop looked at the album. Yes, shop looked at the album. But once I brought it home. Can I have a respect? The ether had wore off. I love it.

I love the first three of Brian Johnson. Back in black. Those about to rock and flick of the switch. I love those. The other night I watched a Brian Johnson concert that was spectacular. An 80? I don't know when the fucking was.

MTV? It was packed. And they were all dancing to this. And they had to be 60,000 people. Oh shit, that's like that Germany one. Yes. Yeah. That shit is killer.

And it's killer. And I'm like, you know what? Even though they're ripping it up. It's still not. And I read a lot of the YouTube comments. Yeah. Oh my God, you went down that hole? I had to.

I had to see what people were saying about. And you have no idea how many people felt the same. And I never realized this till two weeks ago when I saw all the videos that night. I'm like, and that's why I got out of it after a while. I get it. A lot of people started replacing people. Listen, deep down inside, in my fucking soul,

there was no way I was going to listen to D.O. Sabbath. Oh man. If you know anything about Uncle Joey, I refuse to taste hummus. I will not listen to D.O. Sabbath. It's my favorite. But they made me fucking turn it around. But it seemed like so many bands.

Once a band's hero leaves, it's over. I feel like that was skinnered, man. I just couldn't take it. Oh no, I would not. It's just a sin, they're just out there. They got the nephews and the cousin, and the guy who lives next door. Yeah, sister's uncle.

I love linen skinner, but you gotta let them rest there. So I can't have that. It looks like a fucking barnyard, something. It doesn't look good. ACDC's down to one original guy now, Angus. Everyone's gone. And we're like, what's going to happen? And there's rumblings that Axl may do a record with them.

But Phil Rudd's out, who was the drummer. He got all met up last year. He's out. And then the bass player, once Brian was out, the bass player, Cliff Williams, said, I retire. I've been here 40 fucking years or whatever. I didn't think it was going to be this long. So it's just Angus now.

And they're going to go out again. Imagine the power of one guy in a schoolboy outfit selling out an arena, the power of that. Like, we don't care who's in there, we're going to see Angus. Isn't that wild? I mean, that is a strong fucking character. I don't know.

There's very few people that could do that, though. Can you imagine, there's no bass. Well, he's going to sell out, for sure. If he has Axel, which Axel is the obvious fucking replacement right now. Axel wants to do it. You know, if Axel could cut a deal with guns and say, I'm with you guys six months,

yeah, take a month off and then do three months with them, a quick three month tour, two shows a week, they got a rest, everybody's in their 60s. I mean, Angus is what, 67? I think he's 64 or something? Look that up, Lee, will you? Sure. Angus Young?

Yeah, he's the young one of the band, you know. I mean, he was in the band when he was like fucking 14, you know, what do we got? He is a young 62 years old. 62. Because he was in as a kid, you know, like 13, 14 years old. Isn't that weird? Like I always said, like we were speaking about managers

and we're speaking about the business and all that. Growing up in rock, it was really brutal because you would go into the room and they would go, we look, we love your band, but the bass player's fat and the drummer's old, gotta get rid of them and we'll sign you. And it would be like a brotherhood of dudes that played for like 10 fucking years together and they're like, sorry dude, you know,

and they would, it was just brutal, you would hear that. My point is, I don't know how ACDC ever made it because you got a guy who's like 13, but then Bond is like fucking 30. And when you look at the guy, and none of them are good looking. So I don't see how a label went like, yeah, we're cool with this, your singer's old as fuck.

You're like, you know what I mean? That's crazy to me. All, everything was against them. A lot like Metallica. Metallica had played a music that no one knew, no one heard of, they kind of invented this speed metal and they're four not good looking dudes during the fucking full glam era of rock, you know,

and they make it. I love that. That's what keeps me driving, you know what I mean? It's like, people go, they'll never make it. It's like, it's not about making it, it's about doing it, right? It's about doing it and living it. Yeah.

Like for me, you know, from 2007, 2008, I was struggling 2009, you know? Dude, I was- You're picking up this, you're picking up that. I was seeing you at the fucking ha ha, you know what I mean? And you coming down and doing Tuesdays, like in 2009, you know what I mean? Yeah, 2009.

And, you know, yeah, I was there in 2009 and at the end of 2009, and I remember like Augustine always be like, yeah, that's Joey Diaz, man. You ever see him? And I was like, no, you know what I mean? You come walking down the street and I was like, no. And then, you know, I start seeing you all the time later on, I start hearing your name, then I start,

then you come back to the store and I'm like, wow, the magnitude of this, you know what I mean? And then I start looking at it as like, oh, that guy's a fucking a lifer. You know what I mean? You have to be. Yeah, whenever I see a guy that's a lifer, like, you know, like me,

I've been in the entertainment business 35 years. This is just what I do, you know? Like music, now it's comedy or whatever, but it's like fucking lifers, man. Listen, man, I became a lifer. I can tell you this with all the honesty in the world. I became a lifer in October of 93. That's when I knew there was a certain point I said, okay,

I've done it all, I'm going for this. To me, at that time, what the going for this meant, just to live it. To do it. Whether I starved, or whether there was lobster or fucking a veggie and cheese sandwich from Subway Sandwich and a joint, I would be happy as long as I wasn't robbing

that in prison. Exactly. That's how I looked at it. That's how I narrowed it down. I said, I'll never forget that decision. I'll never forget driving back to Colorado with a woman I barely knew. Yeah.

Cross country and thinking like, I can't wait to get the Denver to start doing comedy. I had the Judy Carter book. I had watched the BET tape of Joe Tory warming up with the little guy with Martin. I had watched Rodney Dangerfield specials. I had been doing comedy for two years, doing whatever that's called in the beginning,

that limbo period, that you don't really know what the fuck you're doing. You're just out there. Yeah, you're just out there. But it took probably 28 months to realize that I was going to be alive. I can tell you guys that right now. That's without it.

When I went back to Boulder, I said, this is fucking it. And nothing's going to fucking stop me. That was it. That's what fucking rules. You know what I mean? Yeah, like I knew. It was either I was going to end up on the stage or I was going to end up back in prison at that.

That was it. I had made my decision up like, there was no, I wasn't thinking, now, don't get me wrong. I was not thinking success. If you want me to look in the eye and go, yeah, I planned on doing the Wilton Theater in 2000. That's bullshit. That's bullshit.

I never planned on success. I planned on surviving. A small apartment, maybe a couple of rats in there. Low overhead. A low overhead, no car, maybe train and the feature racks would drive me. If I ever became a headliner, I knew I was always good enough to feature,

but headlining is something fucking different. It's so different. And I respected it. You know what I'm saying? Even though I didn't respect the law, I didn't give a fuck about drug, I didn't give a fuck about a lot of things. I respected headlining.

I respected the light in the beginning and I knew that the more I got on stage, the better I would get. I just knew it. I just fucking knew it. That's what you're doing right now. You don't give a fuck. You'll jump on a plane in the back of JetBlue for $2.99

and sit behind a fat dude like me fartin' the whole way. You'll go to the stand, you'll go here, you'll go there, you'll sleep on the couch. That's what, it's so easy to crack at that time in your life. Oh man, I've had some close ones. Yeah, it's very easy to wake up in the middle of the night and go, I'm sleeping on somebody's couch and he's in there smoking crack.

What am I doin' in my life? Yeah, it's just, and you come, you really, this business, the ups and downs is unbelievable, you know what I mean? Like one day you're on Russell Peters private jet, the next day you're at fucking Sardo's doing an open mic. You know what I mean? There's no illusions.

Those are all people's draws and you're just lucky enough to be able to be on one of those, you know? But you see the magnitude and what kind of work it takes to get there, which is kinda cool that I get to be around guys like you or Marin or these dudes that have been in 20, 30 years. Not me, you're around like burr,

you're around big leaguers, Marin. Like Marin was big when I got into comedy already. Like Marin was well known. There was two Marc Marins, you know that, right? No. For a long time there was Marc Marin and Marc Moran. Moran, oh yeah. And the other guy ended up being like a joke thief.

Oh, wow. And there were a couple of people sending them subpoenas and shit. Wow. To stop doin' his jokes, yeah. Subpoenas? Yeah, like subpoenas and I'm like, what's that called, cease and exist?

Yeah, yeah, cease and exist. Cease and exist, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I guarantee it, Leet, look that up. That's great, hadn't spelled the same way? Maybe with a K or something? Maybe with a C or Marc's with a C, so maybe with a K. I'll try that first.

Something like that, you're right. I know it's not, but I'm just imagining a picture of Marc Marin with like the fake glasses. Yeah, it's just coming up with Marc Marin now. Like the famous one. Did you try M-A-R-K? That's what I typed in and they're like, no, you mean this one.

Oh, maybe the other one comes up. Oh, I know. I'll search instead for Marc Marin. Okay. Yeah, when I first started in 95, there was a problem. Wow. Marc was in San Francisco, I think. Right.

And the other guy was in Michigan. Wow. And the other guy did colleges, but he would do the clubs and rob jokes. Ooh, oh, you found it? Yeah. No, no, no. Damn it.

And then you'd do, he would do something like that. Right, yeah. So I had heard of Marc. Could be like an E or an A at the end. You know, when I first started, yeah. When I first started, I still remember Marc. Yeah. I remember Jay Moore.

Yeah. Was already big in New York. So was the black kid, Bill Bellamy. Oh, Bill Bellamy. Bill Bellamy was already big in New York. Mitch was around, right? Uh, I didn't, Mitch came a little couple of years later. Like I met Mitch in Seattle, Louis C.K. in Seattle.

Wow. The other kid that died, that was really funny. And he was from- Bill Hex? No, no, no, no, no, no. Just, he was like a New York guy. Uh-huh. Louis C.K. and he died, God bless his soul.

He died from that stuff you get when you get leakage in your ears. I don't know. And he was getting married. So he went to the emergency room, but it took too long. Oh, wow. So he got on the plane. He died on his honeymoon. Something crazy.

Oh, man. Something cruel. So I forget what his name was, but he was, I met him in Seattle. I met Jeanine Garoppolo in Seattle. Tom Rhodes in Seattle. Tom Rhodes, yeah. And like in 95, Tom Rhodes was already big.

Felicia Michaels was already big in 94. You know, in those days they had comedy, Kamikaze, and they had comedy justice and MTV Comedy Hour. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And VH1 Sunday Comics, where they would put three 20-minute sets. Pitbull, Bobby Slaton. Yeah, Bobby Slaton. You know, HBO was more prevalent with comedy, you know.

So, you know, when I first got into comedy, I mean, I studied those tapes. I went to Flappers last night. And there's a young kid that works there, like a waiter. He works hard. And I told him last night, he goes, I watched this. And I enjoyed when this guy said this. And that's how I know you really love comedy.

When you watch different comics and you learn certain things from them on paper. Like he was saying, he watched this and this guy told the story and how he went into the story. And I'm watching this kid going, this kid can be dangerous, because he's like 19. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These are the guys that learn this shit,

work it on stage. And by the time they're 24, they're ripping it up. Nobody knows who they are. Then they get to be 26, 27. And now these guys are mad in the fucking stage. I could see this kid being a killer. Yeah, yeah. Because even at that level.

You got so much shit you can watch now too. Before we'd have to wait, we'd get a VHS tape. We have VHS. Yeah, and you'd watch it and then like maybe go to Blockbuster or whatever your corner store was and get another one. Like I got another video, I'm gonna watch this guy. But now you just YouTube.

And you know, like this week I decided, you know, I'm starting to write some more stuff. I go, I want to try to get into some really good storytelling style, you know, because I love like Al Magical or you guys, you tell these stories that have the bits and I have all these stories from life. And I really want to try to bring them into the show,

but figure out how to punch them up, you know? So now I'm gonna, I'm watching like story guys, you know what I mean? It's, you pick stuff to really learn. So you have all the weapons, you know, like, you know, one liners, dirty jokes, storytelling, whatever, you know, it's all different. You know, stories is a weird one.

It's hard. Stories is a weird one because you have stories that are very funny. Right. You have stories that are funny. We'll drop this off here. We'll give some shout outs and it's funny how we all have stories and we have stories

that are fucking naturally funny, but we don't want to tell people because it shows our shortcomings. Yeah. You know, I can't tell people by the time I, my mom used to give me when I was like three and my dad first died. My mom would come home at night

because she'd take me to the bar with her. So I'd be jazzed up at three in the morning. So my mom would drink Italian red wine and she would drink a little glass and she'd give me a sip. And one night I watched her pass out and I said, fuck, I'm going to get back that glass. That was something good in that fucking bottle.

Sleeper hold. And I went and I drank the fucking bottle. Like I just drank whatever was in there. And my mom said she woke up in the middle of the night. She couldn't find me. She called the cops and they found me in a closet, puked with shit in my pants and I don't fucking deal. And that's why I didn't drink for years

because of that red wine. Oh yeah. But who would say that story about themselves? Do you follow me? That's the humor in it. When you're telling an awkward story, I always want to tell a story that has a payout at the end. Yeah, yeah.

I want you to see what I fucking learned. And those stories aren't usually very funny. Yeah, I know, right? They're not funny. But there's always little highlights of what happened that are true, that'll be funny. And we just got to really think and rewrite it and rewrite it and rewrite it and rewrite it

and then it really works out. But you have to write a lot of stories. You do. So what you have to do is get up. The easiest way to write a story is to go to Facebook and just, when it's that blog post, and force yourself to write a blog, every Monday morning it has to be ready.

Put up a blog. Just put up a story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One week for music, one week for comedy, one week from a concert, one week from your youth, maybe something you saw at your house that always struck you kind of weird. When I first moved here, Doug Stanhope,

would tell me every day in 1997 to start writing my life. Wow. I wish I would have paid attention to him. Because today I would have been Steven Spielberg. Yeah. Just rewriting everything. I would look at him and go, my life. Who the fuck, why would I write my life?

Oh, that's depressing. Yeah, yeah, that's a great recommendation. Yeah. And now, I finally took his advice when I was into comedy, 19 years or something like that. 18 years, I said, wait a second, these aren't the seven. I'm gonna start doing that. Because what happens is,

while you're writing stuff about your life, memories come out. Like it dusts the cobwebs off, and you're like, oh yeah, that's right. I got a couple buddies that didn't party as hard as I do. So they come around, and they, you know, like if I ever write a book, it'll be like Motley Crue the Dirt,

where I'm telling a story, and then the two buddies are on chapters too. You know, like, oh yeah, what happened was, you came over here and you did, you know, and then they can- Aerosmith style. Yeah, Aerosmith style. From the first, from the first,

that would be interesting also, but it's also always great to just try to master, you know, you start with two paragraphs. Yeah. And every day you look at it for one hour. One hour, and you'll see that. Some days at the beginning is, but by the end, you'll write one tag, and that's fine.

I've been forcing myself to do that lately, and it's kind of been an adventure. And just go down there, because I gotta tell a story on June 20th. Yeah, what, did you pick one yet? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely.

So it's pretty funny, I'm combining three. Yeah. Okay, there's a certain, like you, I need 20 minutes. Yeah. So if I do the first one, it'll be six minutes. Now you'll tell me to go fuck myself. Right.

If I do the second one, the second one will probably be like three minutes. The last one is gonna be heavy duty, and I can milk that to 10 minutes. Right. So if I combine all of them, I give them 22, 23 minutes, he could cut all five or six,

and editing, and we have something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tried it in Colorado. Sunday, I was like, all right, I got the record, you know. I got it in a can, and I did an hour. And then at the end of the hour, I go, you guys wanna hear some new stuff? And they're like, yeah, yeah.

So I went into this Tesla story, and I've only done it four times about opening for the band for Tesla. And I felt great, and I was remembering stuff from it that I didn't before, and it got good all of a sudden, and it was getting good.

It didn't matter if you didn't know the band Tesla or anything. That's my whole way of trying to do the story. If you don't know the band Tesla, it's not about that. It's about your rock and roll dreams getting squished, you know what I mean? And man, I felt great, you know? And I know you just need to do the stories more and more

to get them good. Well, here's the secret. Yeah. Here's the secret, you ready? Yep. You have to write out the story before you go on stage. Just that particular story.

And what you're gonna do is you're gonna put it in after 20 minutes of your material. Yeah. So they're totally in love with you by that time. You already got them on your side. You warmed them up. You fingered them. By this time, no matter what you throw at them,

they're on your page. You hypnotize them. You've taken them under the ether. You've taken them in and out. They got a few cocktails in them. They're rock and roll. And you reminded them in 1979. Then you drop your story.

And it's funny because what you might have on the tip of your tongue while you're writing will come out when 200 eyeballs are watching you. Yeah. See, a lot of people don't realize the pressure of the eyeballs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eyeballs aren't gonna fuck it.

They're in their headlights. And they teach you how to write jokes quickly. And it's so true. Ladies and gentlemen, when you look out into an audience and you see 200 eyeballs looking at you, you get real fucking creative. paid eyeballs. You get like two cop in the room creative.

You know what I'm saying? So where were you? Four in the morning, I was walking up La Cienega and I made it right on, you know, you get like, there was a jewelry store, like you get specific. Yeah. You know, if you're innocent, you're gonna be specific. You understand me?

Yeah. So that's the way you have to think about it. No way, you have to. So when you go up there, it's real funny. So if you do it five nights in a row, by the end of the week, you have two or three new tags and you'll have openings. Yeah, you're right there, man.

Like I have to call flappers and the ice house to get, went Thursday night rooms. I'm gonna get Thursday night, I'm home for five weeks. I'm utilizing every fucking Thursday. I'll go with you, man. Either or. I'll try stories. You have to work that muscle

and they have to understand it's a workout type of night. Totally. So I enjoy doing that. I enjoy writing the story out. I'll try that. And then going, wow, let me go on stage with it. You know, I enjoy doing spots at the store and I enjoy doing flappers, but I gotta tell you what,

last week I did two hours. I did an hour at the ice house. I did an hour up in Bakersfield at Timbler. Timbler Brewing Company, which is a fucking great place. Yeah. Great comedy place. Try to get yourself booked.

I will. It's a rock and roll type of place and fucking strong beer. Like it's like 12%. You drank some beer? No, but there was somebody else around me and they fucked up. Yeah, yeah.

But it's funny how different it is to do 15 minutes, four nights in a row, then doing two hours, two nights in a row. It's such a different animal job. So I'm done, I'm done. I can't, when I get stuck in town, it takes like the first weekend who has me on the road, it's brutal for the month Thursday night.

Because that's the first hour I fucking do in a month or four weeks, which as a headliner, you cannot do that to yourself. I was just talking about that. You cannot do that to yourself. So I'm done with it. Instead of chasing fucking every night, going to spots, fuck you.

I rather just work the muscle, the full fucking muscle so you know where you stand. You go up on stage, you charge them five bucks, a Tuesday night and you fucking talk to your asshole's purple. And they opened up a little open mic around the corner here. It's like eight to 10 chairs, no booze,

couple of sodas, it's next to a sushi place. Oh yeah? With the rats over there. You know what I'm talking about? It's got the Z rating. You go in there, they give you a fucking discount at the hospital. Oh my God.

Nah, you use code sick and they give you a discount at the hospital. Let me give you some shout outs real quick. How about my man, Joe Conchetta, whatever your fucking name is, your buddy told me to give you a shout out, hot sucka, Patrick Burgerham, Raph Lauren, Cameron Sodmire,

Danny Mendoza, David Penns or Perez, I don't know, make your choice. Shout out to both of you. I gotta fucking know your name now. R.G. Madden, J.Rama, loving you, Chris O'Hara, Robert Breed, and my main man, Johnny Lettuce, Dante Gazini, you know what I'm saying?

Dante, who's better than you? Do not forget, like I told you motherfuckers on the Periscope, that tickets for Saturday, even though the Golden State Warriors are playing Utah, they're pretty much close to sold out. So if you don't get them by now, you have to sit Friday fucking early, show at eight o'clock. That's when the Mormons are coming with the drums,

thinking about business cards. I love that club. That club is phenomenal. I'm just fucking excited about going there. What are you nuts, so what? That's 20 a life, no parole, hot sucka. Dean Del Rizzi and shit. Oh, man.

Take the CDs. Yeah, I did a vinyl. Smacking bitches. Road rash, I'm calling it. Good for you, man. I'm very fucking excited to call you yourself a friend. You're a hard worker. I love you, dad.

Anybody else in this town that's walking around, waiting for something to fucking hit them in the head with a brick, and I really gotta tell you. You like me? I said that, and Lee, actually when I disjointed, like a brick is coming. I just gotta rub this shit.

Oh my God, Lee. Lee, you need another star, I'm watching you. I love it, man. You know, like I was telling Marin, I go, Marin Burr, you, you know. Yeah, I begged to open for you guys because it's the hang. We don't get to hang at all.

I was telling Eric Griffin that today. He came over to the podcast, which by the way, incredible show, Dianne up here, that Showtime show coming out, you know, about the store, that book and everything. Eric's in it, and Santino, and Al Magical. It's coming out, and I saw a couple episodes. I felt so proud of those guys.

But how's it going? You know, it's about, like, I, you know, at 44 I didn't have these friends. And now I have these new friends for like the last seven years, and I just want to hang, because you know, I'm single and everything, and everybody's busy, but I'm like,

man, let's hang and listen to record or whatever. So when I go on the road with you, or Mark, or Burr, or whatever, it's like, it's just a great hang, you know, like to be out there and like, hey, let's hit this record store. You know, that comes with Marin and Denver. I'm like, oh, I scored this, you know,

and he's over there scoring. He scored some crazy record. He just liked the cover we threw and all. We're like, what, this is incredible. It was some band, and we're like, listen to this guy. He sounds like Rod Stewart. It was Rod. He was singing on this dude's record

that played with the Stones and stuff as a studio musician and- Ian McLaughlin. What's that? Ian McLaughlin. No, no, I get it for you. Let me look up the photo. It was this dude we'd never heard of,

and it was, you know, that kind of stuff. I love the hang, you know. It's just so different, you know? Let me find this record. Oh my God, it was like, I was like, what is this record? Lee, maybe you can fire it up too, so that people-

It's so funny that I started giggling as soon as Lee started smiling. He knew I was watching. Lee did. He did this shoulder shake. Stop, buddy. You don't need another star. No, I don't need you to need another star.

Look at the shape of me right now. No, I'm wrong with you. Lee ate 11 stars. No, he did. He ate 10. I had 11 stars and a blueberry thing. I tricked you. No, you didn't trick me.

I counted. There's a skinny one here. It's got damn no stars smell good. He's stuck on my arm, let it go. It dropped on the side of me there. Oh good, it's on the floor. No. Don't worry, we'll eat that one later here.

We'll eat that one later. He's big dummy. Why are you throwing him like a baseball? We'll eat that one later. True. That's for tomorrow. I think it's nice and hard tomorrow. I gotta find this record.

The TAC is on fucking fire on that thing. Where the fuck is this record, man? Oh, bummin', I don't see the photo. I took a photo of it so I'd buy it. This sucks. You ever notice that, like, you look at your thing and the photos just seem to disappear? Nah, me.

Did you find that one? No, I don't know where any of them are. Oh, I found the record. Oh wait, I think I see one. I think I see one. Check this out, Joey. Python Lee Jackson. Here's the cover.

It looks like nothing, right? It just looks like a Dylan record or something. Absolutely. He just fucking scores this. We put it on. The record's called In A Broken Dream. Look, right by the computer right there, see? One fell right out of the sky.

Harry Stark. Must be fucking day. It's got some hair on it though. Are you BK? Don't worry about nothing. You're still one. Lee, look this up. Python Lee Jackson.

That's a special one. Okay. Python Lee Jackson. Yeah, check this guy out, man. He played with the Stones. He played with Rod Stewart, all these guys. So when he did a record, he just cashed in and out all his buddies come play on it.

And Mary got it for $3. This record is fucking worth getting. It looks like this. Python Lee Jackson. You're gonna love this, Joey. It's like faces. Sounds like the faces. It's like dirty blues.

Interesting. Yeah, I know. I couldn't believe it, man. And it was so funny. I were like, oh, this guy's totally ripping Rod Stewart. And then we look later and it says, guess vocalist, Rod Stewart. We start.

That one's crazy though. I guarantee if you looked that guy up, he was from close to that recording studio where Lillie Skinner recorded. Oh, Muscle Shoals. And the Stones recorded. And they also recorded at a fucking different studio in Tennessee, somewhere at the Stones.

Somewhere in Nashville or Memphis. It's Memphis they record. Right. Oh yeah, like the Sun Studios. Yeah, something there. These are those guys that they spoke about in those books. There it is right there. We're fucking tremendous.

Right? They're like, who are these guys? That's just, they just probably had heroin addictions. Yeah. And they couldn't keep it together. But you tell them, be that Tuesday, we'll save you a bag of the good shit that Shaquith Riches did.

Yeah, listen to this shit. Yeah, turn it up a little. 70s rock. We eat the fucking thing already. There's hairs on it. That's fine. The hairs are goofy. That's okay.

The hairs are goofy. The hairs are people. Put some water on it. Go ahead. Eat the fucking thing also. The hairs are people. Every day I spend my time. Oh my God.

Fucking great. It's both Stones. Waiting here to find the time. Because you're gonna fuck around all weekend and tell me fairy tales. Now I'm only in 11 Stones, all right? I don't know what happened. How many stars can a human eat?

Because that's when you gotta go deep. It's on Friday and Saturday. I do. I take 10 stars usually. No, you don't. I call you and give me some bullshit story. I had 1,400, girl. No, I don't.

You just went under the fucking thing. Oh shit, you got chocolate left too. Let's do a blueberry. Let's not do a blueberry. Did you eat that fucking thing yet? Where is it? It's in its mouth. What's in your head?

Blackstone. Don't be, don't be, don't be a zucchini on me. Don't they taste like yummy gummy bears, man? I mean, why are you always choking? I'm not 12 in, I think you should, but... We still got some more left in the shit. It could be D-Day for both of us, please. How do you like this, man?

It's cool. Very cool. Please, Sia, vomit, Marge. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Swallow the fucking thing, all right. Oh, put it down. This is the most coherent I've seen leave. In a long time. I've tried to get some with those stars before. Yeah, no double acid. I've tried to get one of the good ones with the hair. Ha ha ha.

Oh my god. Let me tell you something. Oh! Most people need to go to comedy clubs to laugh. Yeah. I haven't. Ha ha ha. Well, thank goodness.

This is, he's the funniest guy I know, right? Ha ha ha. He makes me laugh on the next thing. I can do a show where I could, we could get him high, just put a camera on Lee. I narrate over it, what I'm thinking, and then put it up once a week, a half hour show. The Lee dog show.

The Lee dog show. Him just getting fucking 2,000 milligrams and all the changes he got. I don't want close to his. 2,000. Because we need to get the camera. Hey, did you get him 2,000? We need to put the camera in his mind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To see what he's really thinking. That would be sick. Because while you guys are talking, I'm paying attention to you. Yeah. But my left eye is watching him like, oh, okay. Ha ha ha.

And I see him look up and breathe heavy, and I can see what his mind is thinking about. And then he'll do that. He'll give you one of these. Yeah, sometimes he gives you Jewish guilt. Yeah, yeah. The first one is the Jewish guilt if my mom sees this.

I've never once said that. No, you didn't have to say it, but you thought about it. Just because you didn't say it, don't mean you're not thinking about it. Did your mom watch the podcast at all? She can't get through the opening. Thank goodness. So that's one.

No, she likes it. It's just, it's not. No, she can't watch this. And it's good. Yeah, it's good. I don't teach her how to do it. Oh, good. Yeah, you don't want your mom to watch this.

I don't understand. The other day I went to do a show and a kid, some girl talked to this kid before he went on stage and the pregnant girl from was there and she ran up to the stage and was mad. And he came to me and I go, this is why you don't bring your girlfriend to the fucking comedy show.

Especially if she's ain't much pregnant. There's work in this business, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm going to work. You don't go to work. Yeah, so a lot of people don't understand that at first. They don't understand that concept until something goes down with your wife or your girlfriend. Same with rock and roll.

I always had this rule. You know, no girls, no girlfriends. You know, they're like, why man? It's like, dude, this is like, we're here at work. Yeah, we're here at work. And they just distract. They want to light your cigarette. Next thing you know, they want to play the fucking tambourine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody fucking play the tambourine. If I wanted a tambourine player, I would have hired one in the fucking loop in Newsweek. Tambourine. Yeah, everybody wants to be a fucking tambourine player. I don't need no tambourine player. How you doing, my little brother, Lisa?

I know it's early league. I shouldn't be asking you. But what do you got planned for the weekend? For this weekend? Yeah, one of the big plans. Let's hear this fucking hoopla of death here. Yeah. It's early, dude.

I haven't planned shit, to be honest with you. That's why I love you. You're very spontaneous. She comes home. She tells you she wanted to go to Pismo Beach. You passed the car. I was the one who found Pismo Beach. Pismo Beach is great.

I can tell you found Pismo Beach. That's what I mean. That type of dude that would find Pismo Beach. Everybody goes, I already found Pismo Beach, man. I found it. Pismo Beach is... He didn't find nothing. He didn't find nothing.

He's like, He found Pismo Beach through Yelp. No, I didn't. I found it by driving up the coast. What was this? When I went to go set up the studio. What studio? At the two girls' home school.

That's right, home school. Anyway. Oh, you want to hear this new band, these kids? No, no, no, I want to hear it by you, brother. I want to hear it by you. Forget the band. All right. If I want to fucking dick, what's his name?

Who's that? What's American band's name? Oh, Dick Clark. If I want Dick Clark, I'll fucking summon this band, man. Dick Clark. Where you at this weekend? This weekend, I'm at the store all weekend. Are you doing a lot of traveling?

Yes and no, you're on the road. Oh, man, it's scary right now. I got a whole fucking summer of nothing. Nothing. I'm just like, wow. The whole... I got with you at Borreia, and then nothing after that,

which is like scary, man. I'm like calling. That's good because everything good comes last, fuck. Are they doing oddball again? No, it doesn't look like this year. I think they're going to take a year off. I mean, I could be wrong, but I haven't heard anything, you know?

I wish, man. That'd be great to get on something like that, you know? Any chance of you popping on this death leopard poison tour? Oh, man. There were seven minutes. That would be great. In between. I think they should get it.

I know my friend, John Salami, was supposed to be doing the photography, like helping out during the tour. I know they're on tour. Yeah, they are. I've heard it a couple of times on... They're playing way the fuck out there by where the S Festival was, you know?

Like out there by Ontario Improv. Okay. Yeah, they're out there. I'm May 21st, I'm doing Rock in the Range with Jim Brewer and Metallica. That's fucking cool. No, where's that at? Columbus, Ohio, one nighter, you know?

Rock in the Range is three days, one day Soundgarden headlining, the next day is a corn, and the third day is Metallica. I'm doing the Metallica day. Jesus Christ. Fucking fired up. All these bands are on there that I love,

like Gorgira, Rival Sons. All these great fucking bands are playing that day, and you get that killer all access. I'll just, I'll try to get some podcasting going on after my set with some rock stars, you know? And enjoy Metallica, man. I can't wait to see that. You know, it's funny because when I called you

and I said, listen, I was all high one night, and I called Dean, I go, Dean, here it is. When you come back with doing fucking Let There Be Wrong, I told him, no, I'm lying to you people. I go, Dean, I listened to an album that changed my life. I'm embarrassed because I forgot about this fucking album. Yeah. And you're like, what is it?

And I'm like, Let There Be Wrong, you're like, listen, why do you think I named my podcast that? Why do you think I have a tattoo of my body? Because it's not good. And I'm like, Jesus, at least there's, and I called some friends at home, and I suggested it, one of my friends called me back and he goes, oh my God.

He goes, I found myself crying. Yeah. He goes, I found myself in a parking lot. We used to go to the Bigamton boat. There was this boat that was ratty when we were kids, you'd think. Oh. You could take your girlfriend out to dinner there,

but nobody went to dinner. We just went back there to drink beers and maybe get a handjob and suck your teeth or something out in the way that. Yeah. But you could hear the rats scratching. No. The bottom of the car, the rats from the Hudson River.

Oh. It was one of the scariest fucking things you could ever, you know, like you're sitting there making out with a girl and you hear like, and you hear like, yeah, yeah. You wouldn't even hear like, get out of here. Like they would make little noises. Yeah.

And they'd be like three or four of them out there, but they would be ginormous. They'd be the size of my fucking cats. Oh, man. They're scratching and getting in the fucking car. There's subway rats like you see in New York. Whoa. It is, listen, man, the rat problem back there.

I have friends that live in like fancy buildings and they say that the rats start to come out at five in the afternoon now. There's something. Where do they come out? They don't come out in their apartments, do they? No, at the parks with their kids. Okay.

That's crazy. Yeah. I don't go to parks. I don't go to parks. No, you would never go to a park. I'm walking home from the stand wherever I'm staying. And they got garbage day. And there's just thousands of garbage bags on the street.

People understand in New York, you just, you put your garbage on the street, they pick it up and you'll be walking. I'll sit like, whoa, what the fuck? There'd be like three of them battling over an old piece of pizza. And you're like, oh, you scare the shit out of you. And they just like, hey, like, get out of here.

We're eating, you know? Bro, I hate all that shit. I see a rat, a mouse. Oh, I'm done. That's why I'm happy I got cats. I'll take that cat piss smell and to find the rat, you wake up at two in the morning, high as fuck. You got a sip of soda, you look on your count

and you see little, you see Mickey Mouse on your fucking count. Nothing shocks your value like that. And then like a week later, you see two or three of them. That's when it gets ugly when they start multiplying quickly. And then you're doomed. Yeah, Redbent had that fucking problem in his apartment. And he had the cameras set up and you could watch him.

The one trap hit the one. It was like, it got away and it was like, fuck. Paralyzed habits, body, and crawl, you ever see that footage? No, I didn't. Oh, it's epic. That shit is fucking crazy. The screaming it's doing, it's going, ah. And he actually picks the fucking thing up

with his little feet and sticks his head out and you see him limping out, Lee, it's hysterical. Yeah, he's like, I'm out of here, you fuckers. You motherfucker, you sent a trap. And his cousins are yelling for him, where are you at? He's like, in fact, don't come back here. They got fucking landmines, fuck this dude. Let's go back and get, oh my God.

I felt bad for him, man. When I was a kid, my godmother's husband, Raul. We had three buildings. Raul, I love that name. Raul was a bad motherfucker, he was a human dude. I love Raul. Raul was married to Beva, my godmother. And I would go up there and spend the weekend with them.

Yeah. I will tell you this story, and you guys might believe me, you might not. There was three buildings there. It was 148th Street Broadway. They owned a building on the side, the building next to the hobby store, and then in between, in those days it was like,

I don't know, like a paint store or something, they owned that building. Yeah. And there was an underground tunnel to all three buildings, all right, to connect to all three buildings. Plus, some people threw garbage in that chute. So on a certain day, you had to pull the thing out, and then the guy would come down, and there was a path.

But after a few weeks of living there, I learned all the fucking paths to that. There was a boiler behind there, and supposedly a drug dealer lived upstairs, and threw $10,000 back there. So me and my buddies would get flashlights, and tell the boiler, and one day we looked overly,

and I saw a rat with eyes as big as you're both the guys. This thing, oh, that's what it looked like to me at the age of 10. I fucking ran home, and I never went back there. The rat prom was so bad back there at night. Raul got a wolf dog. Like one of those dogs that was half wolf. Oh yeah, yeah.

He would just tear him apart. You'd go in there in the morning, and there'd be fucking rats torn apart. The wolf would have claws on his face. The only person he liked was Raul. He hated me. I mean, they had him on a chain, with bolts in the wall.

This dog was a fucking, a real killer. Oh god, wild. And when you went back there, you look at you, and he started fucking running on the walls. He would salivate from his mouth and shit. Rat killer. They just, he lived downstairs.

Like, you know how people have those sex slaves? Yeah, yeah. And keep them in the basement. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This dog was so mean, they kept them in the basement. Just the dungeon dog. And they only took him out at night. Like he only saw darkness,

and he'd have to go out with like a mask and shit. Fucking hysterical. I forgot his fucking name. What the fuck was it? Lowell. That was his name. Lowell. Lowell.

Lowell. Lowell. His name was Lowell. Oh, Lowell. And Lowell. Yeah. How long did Lowell last? Like six months and?

Lowell died like some weird poisoning. Some rat had poisoning with some. Lowell ate the wrong thing. He ate the rat from Africa. They had poison in his fang and shit. He had a spider on his back or something. No, I can't. Lowell but dead spider.

Oh, my God. I can't lie to you. I don't remember how he died. Yeah. I don't remember how he died. I knew I'd be traumatized. I feel a little bit. Because they had two dogs.

They had Lowell Bo, then they had Lassie. Oh, and Lassie was the nice white dog. Lassie was the collie that, yeah. Lassie lived in the house. They fed them fucking treats. He was allowed on the furniture. The dirty rat eater was downstairs. Lowell Bo was fucking, you couldn't even keep him at night.

I remember like sometimes you locked the door, and he'd be bouncing on the fucking door. Wow. Like you'd think he was gonna knock in and eat you. Well, yeah, Lassie would talk shit. You have to think so. No, we'd separate them because he'd kill Lassie. Yeah, but Lassie must be like,

how hot am I in here? I could tell the couch. No, it was, Lassie was a beautiful dog. I know, that's all point. I used to walk, we used to have to walk Lassie first, then put Lassie in, and then he'd have to go in and put a mask on Lowell Bo. A mask.

Yeah, like a restless mask. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the restless mask. He might not have been known about it. He could just smell Lassie, because they couldn't smell. They just knew, he just knew that you had another dog right before him. He's like, Nacho, Nacho Lobo, Nacho Lobo.

That was fucking crazy how tough that dog was. Just some closing facts on Let There Be Rock, that I found a couple weeks ago, which were really, that'll add to Bond Scott's, Bond Scott wrote a lot of these songs based on real things. And there's a song, Whole Lotta Rosie. He based on this Tasmanian woman that weighed 266 pounds. That went up to him and told him she had slept

with 29 stars that month. And next thing you know, he woke up and he was pinned against the wall. And Rosie had fucked the shit out of him. And she was whispering to him, he was number 30. Pretty interesting stories online. Great. And then the one, Go Down.

Go Down. It was a girl named, wrote Ruby Lips. Ruby Lips. That was a groupie, and she sucked everybody's dick. Oh yeah, cause it's like, Ruby, Ruby, where you been so long? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those boys been drinking whiskey

ever since you've been gone. Look at, look at Dean Byring. Ain't no one I know. Oh shit. Do it, where you do. Licking on that lucky stick, the way you do. I love that. Take a hit of the bung,

or you stop and knock it off. I just love that, man. You got the touch. Yeah. It's really interesting things, but the most interesting was that on the, one of the guitar solos, while they were taping it, the speakers actually went on fire.

Oh yeah, the amp. The amp was on fire. The amp was on fire, yeah. And they were actually looking at Bon Bon, I'm not Bon, the angus looked over, and his brother told them, keep playing. Don't worry about the fucking amps going on fire. Yeah, that's like problem child or something.

Yeah, the amp caught fire. Problem child. Just phenomenal, real fucking music that, listen man, like I said, after Brian Johnson came on, I caught them a few times. Yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna sit here and lie to you. Yeah, yeah.

I think I caught them three times after me, because the Angus was just spectacular. Totally. It really was spectacular. Just a freaking nature, man. Yeah, from beginning to end, and he, I don't know, it was like the weirdest thing. I'm very happy I came up at that time,

and I got to see the bands. I got to see, I wouldn't want to see AC DC at Coachella. Yeah, yeah. Like I was blessed to see him at the Garden with Bon Scott. Yeah. And I'm really fucking happy. You know what else, I'm happy. A lot of times in those days,

I would go to concerts and I didn't know what was going on. Yeah. That concert, I knew exactly what was going on. They had, you know, they played a couple of, they played this, they played a couple of songs from my way to hell. Yeah. And I was in the city.

In those days, it was, they were the opening act. Totally. They played seven or eight songs, but they closed with not bad boy Boogie, but the other one. Let the be rock? And he would jump on his shoulders and run. Oh yeah, go through the crowd.

Yeah, and go through the crowd. It was just, again, you left those shows and you felt something. Well, also, it was weird to see Bon back then, you know. Just, he had tattoos and no one had him, a big old parrot, you know, these giant tattoos on him. They were giant. When he came on, you're like, what is that guy?

Like, you didn't see that. He looked like an old salty sailor up there with the cut off Levi Vest, you know? Remember years ago when he died, they did a story about him in circus. Yeah. But I read like 200 times, you know, and he was like, like you said,

he was really a circus freak in those days. Totally. Because he was 15 years elder. Yeah. To anybody else in the band at that time. But he was so fucking talented. Angus and his brother were so talented. And they came together at such a great time.

And those, you know, again, I talk about Pink Floyd and, you know, I always talk about the brilliance. There's anybody can put a special together, but put four fucking brilliant records. I know I couldn't do it. I could never fucking do it. I would love to tell you city, I can write four specials back to back to back to back.

That could be brilliant. I don't think anybody's done it lately. I've just been mouth watering. You know, it's very tough or whatever you judge. But people in those days, like Pink Floyd, ACDC, just the fucking, I consider let there be rock, Power Rage, and Highway to Hell, three fucking masterpieces.

I don't know why, masterpieces. Me too. Also, you got to think about imagine like, let's say a band like Zeppelin. The first one, they're like an acid rock blues band. First and two, you know? Then the third one, they got all the acoustic songs and stuff, you know?

So that would be equivalent to like, say, you go see Louis C.K. and his first special is this way. But then the second special is a prop, a prop. And then the third one would be like all one liners, you know? And then the next one would be all crowd work. All these specials would be totally different. Like comics don't do that.

They have a voice and that's their voice throughout their career that, you know, through their eyes. But imagine if a comic did that, like this special is going to be all one liners. I've never done it. I'm going to try it. And then the next one, you know, like Todd Berry did that crowd work record and tour.

That's cool. But I'm saying, imagine each record was completely a different style, you know? Or your style, but like tweaked big time. It's pretty interesting to think about, you know? Neil Bryan had that special. That was three different. It's my favorite.

Three mics, unbelievable. Super original, you know? Excuse me, I just got to take a tickle. What do you think? Yeah, man. Super original. So it's pretty cool. I mean, it seems like there's a lot of comics now who are

doing different shows. Like I really like how Bert has the column stick to work shows and like Doug Benson does the 420 shows. It's just, it's interesting to see. And so like, are you doing like rock clubs a lot? Or like, what do you, are you, cause it seems like you're doing like legit clubs a lot more. Yeah. You know, like a lot of people think I should do

rock clubs, you know? But I spent my life in rock clubs. I enjoy the comedy club. You know what I mean? Because they bring your food. Well, no, it's not that. It's like people understand we're in a comedy club. This is what it is.

Sometimes you're in a rock club. They're like, all right. Yeah, do that one joke. You know, they're like yelling out and stuff. Right, okay. It's a tent. They'll stomp on your punch lines by accident, you know? But you're like, oh, fuck.

I was just going to deliver that. You screamed out, Acer D.C. You know what I mean? It's a different animal, you know? I enjoy the comedy clubs. I like the, usually a lot of them are just set up so cool. Like that comedy works this weekend, man. It's just set up so amazing.

I couldn't imagine not, you know, working in there and doing a rock club around the corner. It would be a bummer, you know? Right. I'm actually, I'm going to interest it to listen to the podcast you did with the owner because there's not many individual clubs around the country anymore. Or major individual clubs around the country.

Yeah, they're all changed. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. You think you were banned from the comedy works? You know, you look at hindsight and you look what people do and I was very honored to start at the comedy works in Denver. Till this day, you saw the smile on my face.

Yeah. I came from good stock, you know? I was living in Boulder and I was scared to go on stage. I got locked up and one day I went down there and got on stage and Matt Woods was down there and I talked to him and I went back and did a few open mics and it just went on and I left and when I came back, I got really serious.

I had a daughter in Boulder. I'm like, wow, if I get into the comedy works and I started getting star spots. Yeah. Everything was cool and dandy and then one night, one thing led to another and we used to hang out there afterwards. Again, this is why I tell comics at certain levels,

do you think get the fuck out of there? Yeah. Why? Why can't I party? Okay, do what you want to do. This is why, because I was there after I was and the true story was that there was a girl. She was a stripper. She was kind of crazy, real cute.

I was friends with her. I knew, bro, it was like a, you're open mic troupe. Right. It was me and Jeff and Jimmy Abedah and this other dude. But the other dude, I didn't know. Like there was like six of us in this crew, but the one dude dug me. Yeah.

But didn't. And we were at the same level. Me and him were at the same level. And one night, we're at this comedy works and we're having a good time. And I see, I get a star spot. That means that you're an open mic will be. You come down Wednesday and you do six minutes

in front of Wendy. Yep. And all of a sudden, Wendy, he heard Wendy tell me, do you want to go get a drink? I think Steve McGrew was in town. We were going to go right around the corner of the Mexican place and meet Steve McGrew. I could tell he didn't like that.

And about a week later, I'm there after I was on a Tuesday and I'm walking up the steps and the girl's walking down and she just comes in from dance and I'm like, what the fuck, she's right? She goes, Joey, how are you? And she runs down the steps and she jumps up and she grabs me and I grab, oh, my hands land behind her ass.

Yeah. She doesn't say nothing. The next day, he called her and he goes, listen, he grabbed your ass last night. You should press charges and shit. So she got an attorney and called down there and then I got banned. Wow.

And it was tough for her to call me and go, you're banned for life. I had to make a choice at that time. I could either stay in Denver and do the three B clubs or move it up a little bit. So I went up to Seattle and that's how I hooked up with Josh Wolf. Wow.

And boys. But then I saw her on the whatever tour. Oddball? Oddball tour. Yeah. I was in Denver opening and she came over to me and she asked me how I was doing. I go, good, how are you?

And she goes, are you mad at me? And I go, not at all. Can I talk to you for a second? You're the best. The reason I'm at Oddball is because you banned me. Yeah. And she goes, what are you talking about? I go, listen, man, if I were to stay in Denver,

I would have ended up hurting somebody. I would have ended up hurting my daughter's mother or the boyfriend. And I would have been doing, I would have just been getting that right now. Well, you get, I go, you banned me and you made me make a decision. I told you guys that when I was in in 93,

I believed that much. And by 95, I had saw the short damage I had done by committing just three quarters more into this career. And next thing you know, I was on an HBO locals tour. I was taping this, I was, I was featuring here. You know, they were country Western bars, but I was putting up money in my pocket. Yeah.

So I said, Jesus, if I commit by this point, and you imagine now and all of a sudden, boom, set back, I get banned from the A room in town. That's the room you want to play. That's the room that you strive to do 15 minutes in four nights a week. Right. And at that time, I was a little far away from there,

but I was on my way. I was getting star spots, bitch. Yeah. I was a week or two away from getting made a regular and now I was in the rotation. So you don't get spots all the time. Yeah. But you get one spot a week for seven minutes

and one for 15 minutes. When she told me she took that from me, I had nothing going on in Boulder. Yeah. Time to move on. I was just going to fucking get into my, I was just going to get into worse trouble than I was already in.

And I made a decision. I said, fuck it, let me go to Seattle. And I gunned it out up there and I ended up here. And it's incredible. But once I thanked her for that. Yeah. I worked the improv and I did okay numbers. And my agent goes, if you did that at the improv,

you do a lot better at comedy works. It's amazing. It was like double. Wow. Because people didn't want to go to the dinner room. For some reason they're scared that they considered a black club. I thought it was a great club.

Right. I just rather play at the works. The works is where I came up. It's the first club I got on stage. Totally. And I'm really surprised how open they are to that squad. Yeah. They really give love to that squad.

So it's great. It's great to be a part of it. It's a great club. I love it, man. I'm happy that Wendy gives you love. Do you do the other club also in the suburbs? Once in a while. Is it really rough how they say?

No, I like it. It's great. The problem is like Wendy said on my podcast, when you got the number one room, if this room was the, a second club was in another town, you'd be like, that's the number one room in that town. You know what I mean?

But when you got the number one room, you're going to compare it to the other one, but they're both fucking great. One's like a mini theater and the other one's, you know, a cave downstairs, but they're both great animals. I've had some great shows at that South Club, man. Great ones, you know?

It's just bigger. So it's hard for someone like me to fill, but I did it like nine nights with Russell Peters and it was smoking, you know? I'm proud of you. You're a savage. You got your first CD. Yeah.

Things are moving forward. Hopefully, all you need is an agent really and an attorney and you'll be fine. Who needs a fucking manager? You're right. Number two, I'm really happy that you had this album. This album fucked with me for like five or six days.

It's incredible. Every day I had to focus on one song. Yeah. Like the first day was Bad Boy Boogie. The second day was Hell in a Bad Place to Be. You know, and I listened to the guitar and how dirty it was. And then I read up on it and why George Young

and the other guy, Wanda, wanted to make it sound like that. And it's true. You said they wanted to compete with punk, but again, where would ACDC be today if bonds got lived? Would they be bigger? You think they would have done what they did with it? Well, he'd be old as fuck.

Yeah, I mean, cause he was so much older. So was Brian fucking Johnson. Why did they get rid of him? What was the inside scoop? Man, I don't know. But he, you know, they said it was his ears, but you know. As well as he is. His ears, yeah.

He was going deaf or whatever. And I just, I just still don't believe that. I still don't believe that. I mean, I'm sure he had a little ear problem. He said he was going to take- Look at Lee, he's going deaf. He's like, take care of him. I don't know, do you think it's an inside job?

What do you think it is? No, I think it was, he, I guess what I personally think. I think he agreed to do this last record. And he said, I'll do this record and then we'll do the tour. And that should be probably it for us. Cause you know, we're pretty fucking old. And I think they did the tour and the record.

And then Angus went, hey, I'm only 62. I'm going to keep going. And then just, you're out. You know what I mean? That's what I think. How old is Brian Johnson? I think he's like, what, what is he? Like a 68.

I'm almost positive he's 68. You know, let's look that up. That's impressive and scary at the same time. Yeah, right? Cause I- They can only do those stadium shows twice a week. Yeah. That'll break a man.

What do you got there? 68? I'm not sure yet. Hold on. Yeah. 47. So how old is that? 1947. Should say it right there on the road is age.

69. 69. Yeah. Yeah, your bones start to crack a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, Angus- He doesn't drink anymore, does he? I think he drinks.

Yeah, he just doesn't, we could get crazy, but yeah, I think he likes those pints. I always say I'm talking about pints, but I saw him in this last tour twice and no, three times. And he was fucking phenomenal. So I was like, whoa, this is the best. I've seen him in 25 years. I was so blown away, like I was like,

how the fuck does this guy sound this good this year? You know, him and Axel both sounded killer out on tour. I'm like, this is crazy. So I was forward when I heard he had problems cause I was like, wow, this guy's killing it. Even- You gotta remember, you've been doing comedy how long now? Seven years.

Okay, I've been doing it 26 years. And you learned the tricks later on. Yeah, yeah. You know, you watch him on stage, this is professionalist can be, but you figure he's been playing big time rooms since 1980. Is that crazy? Since July 21st of 1980, when his career started,

when they first took Back in Black on tour. Yeah. What is that? That's 20 years there. That's 37 years of touring. Unbelievable. He has to be just good and just, I don't know how to describe it.

Yeah. I don't know if the musicians have like a, just a little secret. Just ninja, you know? Yeah, put this on a little louder, lower the light here. When I sing this, do this, I'm gonna do a trick. Yeah. I'm gonna turn my head.

An echo here, Back in Black, Black, Black. Yeah, yeah. You know, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Little again. Back in Black, Black, Black, Black, Black. In the sag, bit too long, long, got to be back, you know what I mean? Yeah, he gets away with it.

So that's the other side of professionalism. Yeah. That you figure out different rooms, you figure out different tricks. Yep. And that you're putting the fucking time in. That's not from, listen, when you go to Scotland, play like this, they went around the fucking world.

You gotta survive. So yeah, that's- Figure out how to survive. Yeah, that's, those guys have stories for fucking days. So where you at? You're with me in June. Yeah. At the brand improv.

Yeah, I can't wait. And then I'm doing rock on the range of you there. I'll be on the Sunday day. And then, do I have anything else? Oh, I'm gonna be with Burr in July. Two dates at the Grand Rapids, July 14th and 15th. That's all I got pretty much. Oh no, one run here.

June 14th through the 18th, House of Comedy, Minnesota. Oh shit. Yeah, headlining that. That's my spot. That's a good fucking spot. I've never done it. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're gonna have a good time.

That's a good club. That'll be great. And Grand Rapids is sensational. Oh yeah, Grand Rapids. That's the home of the world champion. What's his name? Grand Rapids. Who's fighting Conor McGregor?

Mayweather. Mayweather. Mayweather. Mayweather. Yeah, he's fucked up, Lisa. 2400. Dude, thank you for having me. What's for dinner till I bongo?

What's up? What are you making? Blue bonnet? What are you making? Blue angel? Whatever, I don't know. Whatever I get when I get home, I'll probably just pass out.

You're not passing out tonight, dawg. Oh no, I had a blueberry. So what did I have? Blueberry. 2425. Listen, who counts the blueberry? You burned that off at the gym today. You did the elliptical for that, right?

Right. How many calories did you burn the elliptical? I don't know. I don't put it in the thing. 300. Yeah, I love it, I don't know. I don't put it in the... He's gone now.

He's just mumbled now. No, no, no, I don't put my, I don't walk into the thing. You don't want to let your cat, you just sit there and without the, no, no, sit down. You don't want, you just locked there without the thing. I just go for an hour.

You don't do no fucking hour, cocksucker. No, no, no, no. My spies are there, they tell me you do 10 minutes. I don't do 10 minutes, I usually do, I usually do 45. Stop. I usually do 45. I saw you the other day doing 20, slow.

20. Like you were dying, and then you got a toddler on your neck, acting like fucking. I've never once put a towel on my neck. No, that was you. He took a picture and said it a little bit to me. Just show me this picture.

I erase everything, you know what I mean? I don't want no coming in. I don't erase nothing. You don't know how to erase. I don't know how to erase shit. You go there for 20 minutes, cocksucker. What are you doing now? Who are you bullshitting?

I don't do, I. He goes over there, he talks to Paul, he hangs on the thing, talking to him on the side. He doesn't, she goes at six in the morning, what are you talking about? I've been gymming it up, man. I could tell, you're a yolk motherfucker, no sugar still.

Fuck, one year, two days ago. What's the breakfast at No Sugar Man's house? I usually wake up and I have a protein shake and then I eat some. What's in this protein shake? It's a Vega one. So it's all mixed vegan protein shake. It's a company Vega one, I love it.

And then I'll eat fruit like strawberries and blueberries and then some, you know, a little bit of a small, a little bit of oatmeal, some steel cut. That's my breakfast. And then lunch, some salmon with brown rice or some chicken and black beans and brown rice, something like that. And then dinner, some kind of quinoa, you know.

Yeah, I love any food back. Whoa, quinoa. Every time a person says quinoa, it's a stab through my heart. I get three, I lose three minutes in time right now. I said quinoa sounds like a marsaur, right? It's like, if you watch the UFC, maybe a judo kung fu and quinoa.

I don't know what fucking quinoa sounds like. It just don't sound good. It doesn't sound like something I like to eat. I just saw it once. I know it ain't from me. It's fucking good, dude. It marsaur give me host couscous and shoot me in the fucking head backwards.

Fuck. So what's quinoa? What's almost couscous? Is this rice? Quinoa's great. Couscous is just rice. I like couscous. I can't wait till they show a picture of you one day

with a bag over your head over there in Isisville. Isisville. Cushinga into your fucking head, eating couscous. I can't wait, cocksuck. You'll be thinking of me. You'll never eat couscous again if you're out of here. I love it. I'm off to the store, dude.

All right, motherfucker. This show is brought to you by Anit. Explain it to me. Joey, break it down for a motherfucker. Here it is. You want to get healthy. You want to get good products and you want to get good vitamins in you.

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Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. We're gonna give you 10% off. You understand me? Number two, listen. Mother's Day is coming. Nobody, nobody wants to have a stinky ass. You look at your mother's ass when you go to restaurants. When she gets up, you look at your mother's ass

and you go, Jesus fucking Christ. What does that cave of death smell like? Give it nobody here. Am I the only crazy one here? Well, listen, stop the suspicions. Give your mother a portable potato right now. No, for sure. If you want to live there in doubt,

it does my grandmother say, I know your grandmother's ass smells. If she's over 70, that's got rotten ass. Give her a portable bidet for Mother's Day. If you go right now to hellotushy.com, right now they got portable bidets. Why, Joey, why would I have a portable bidet? Why?

Because you don't want to have asshole rot. You don't want to have hemorrhoids. You don't want to have strange things lurking in the asshole. It all starts with fucking health and cleanliness. What do they say? Jesus, cleanliness is next to Jesus-ness, right? Golliness. Golliness. If you understand me plus, you're helping the environment

because if you use a portable bidet, there's no trees, there's no paper involved. They have a little towel right next to you, take it out and you dry your little muffler. You take one hand and you get like a plastic sack. You put like that portable soap in your muffler, like a little shampoo, and you let that little water hit in there,

and you take it out and you dry your muffler. You could do that all day long. You know what I'm saying? You're not stinky as the recipe. Ladies, if the guy goes down on you on the second date and he's never gone down on you in the last nine years, it's not that he don't love you. It's maybe that skunk needs some fucking water,

you understand me? That's where the portable bidet comes in. In the mid-afternoon, ladies, that onion gets hot in the middle of the day. Listen, we're not insulting you, but in the middle, right by the noodle, where the hairs are right there. Right there.

Right there, it smells like fucking, what's that thing that was, pico de gallo. And I love it, don't get me wrong. You know me, I'm a fucking animal. Anyway, if you don't want that, go to hellotushy.com right now. Take a look at the great line of portable bidets. Number two, 60-day money-back guarantee.

Solid company, solid performance. I get nothing but great reviews about them. And it is what it is. Mother's Day's coming, Father's Day's coming, Happy Easter's coming, so do me a favor. Right now, go to hellotushy.com and press in. Church. Bam!

And get 10% off, all right? Hellotushy, honored, I love yous both. Lisa and I love you. Don't forget, wise guys, Salt Lake City, Friday, Saturday, Cinco de Mayo, Mexicans in vain, motherfucking Salt Lake City. Number two, next week, Milwaukee, Turner Hall, Friday night, few tickets left.

Don't call, don't hit me up on Twitter. Joey, we got no tickets. I told you, get the fucking tickets now. But you wanted to play fucking possum. Anyway, I love you guys. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you for the support. Thank you for being there for us, motherfuckers.

Lisa, yeah, throw my kiss, cocksucker. There you go, we love you, stay black. I'll see you guys and wise guys this weekend. Thank you for listening. Hello, do you want to check it? Do you see? Do you remember when we fell in love? We were young and innocent then.

Do you remember when we fell in love? We were young and innocent then. Do you remember when we fell in love? Do you remember how it all began? It just seemed like giving, so I did. Do you remember when we fell in love? We were young and innocent then. Do you remember when we fell in love?

We were young and innocent then. Do you remember the time when we fell in love? Do you remember the time when we first met? Do you remember the time when we fell in love? Do you remember the time when we fell in love? Do you remember how we used to talk? No, we'd stay on the phone at night. Do you remember all the things we said?

I love you so I'll never let you go. Do you remember back in the spring? Do you remember every moment when birds sang? Do you remember those special times? Let's go on in the back of my mind. Do you remember the time when we fell in love? Do you remember the time when we first met? Do you remember the time when we fell in love?

Do you remember the time when we first met? Oh sweet memories, always be dear to me. Do you remember no matter what we said? I will never forget what we did when we first met. Do you remember the time when we fell in love? Do you remember the time when we first met? Do you remember the time when we fell in love? Do you remember the time when we fell in love?

Do you remember the time when we first met? Do you remember the time when we first met? Do you remember the time when we first met? Oh sweet memories, always be dear to me. Remember the time On the front, you and me Remember the time On the front, you and me

Remember the time On the front, you and me Remember the time On the front, you and me Remember the time On the front, you and me Remember the time On the front, you and me

Remember the time On the front, you and me Remember the time On the front, remember the time Remember the time On the front, you and me Remember the time On the front, you and me

Remember the time Remember the time Remember the time