Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #481 - George Perez

Episode Date: May 16, 2017

George Perez, Comedian and actor, seen on the Joe Rogan Experience and MTV''s, "Yo Mama", joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Meundies.com Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 20% off of your first order.   Seeso: Seeso is the new ad free streaming service. Bingeable comedy. Anytime. Anywhere. Use code JOEY at checkout for 1 month free.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 05/15/2017.  

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underwear there's nobody nobody better than me on these you're sitting there scratching you had going Joey what's me on this oh just a seriously soft feel good on these delivered right to your door and what I'm gonna do is this you can save time and money each month with a monthly subscription if you're not ready it's okay I can still save your dough go to me on these comm slash Joey that's me on these comm slash Joe and get 20% off your first pair kick that motherfucking mule Lee just when you thought it was safe cocksuckers are you bad motherfuckers Monday May 15th who the fuck you think you're dealing with

what the fuck were you thinking listening to this shit today it's over for you now you were feeling down here you go cocksuckers are you fucking kidding me or what and you were sitting there thinking I'm gonna have a bad day your fucking mobile Uncle Joe is here George Perez is here the flying Jew is here I do this shit what's happening welcome to podcast Bill Uncle Joey here George Perez in the house what's up Lisa yet we're ready on fire here Bong hits whatever the fuck you call it we were talking about sugar daddy's how excuse me when I was 26 was the first time I found out about it and

like I was in shock I felt bad for the guys like I was hearing this from a stripper that I was dating and she was just blabbing to me this shit and then she told me a story where she had a sugar daddy in college that paid her car payment paid her rent and let her pussy on fire once a week or something like that yeah she would bring other strippers and she'd have to eat them in front of them and he'd go fucking crazy and his parents sent them money every week and he gave it off to her he found she sucked them dry then she dumped them and he fucking went crazy you know that I didn't know about this world no I didn't know that

you can I thought about it for years and one night when Lee and I were talking about something late night about in Vegas and I go late those girls are taken care of that's escorts or the strippers to these girls that are just hot that some old crazy guy oh yeah when dangles listen enough is enough you make a bad choice in your love life you got a job at a fucking shoe store but a whole time you got that ass and you're bringing it to waste what if yeah what if and all some they become Armenian what if what if I get you a car I get your brand new apartment I give you twenty five hundred cash a month but I

come over and I hit your pussy with a hammer once a month but you're on call you know I'm saying like I call you after church you better be at the house thirty minutes after I call if not you get demoted the car gets picked up by two Arabs yeah Halloween you know I'm saying pure repo and then we were talking about you and the job you used to have yeah strip club and how crazy it gets with guys and I told you dog I go to a strip club and I get the fucking creeps yeah I love women yeah I love all that shit but I can they I could count on my hands how many times I've been to a strip club oh wow and if I go

I gotta go all in I gotta bring a bunch of coke yeah I gotta look at your pussy I gotta lick it you know when I suck you like when I was in the halfway house one night I went to I got out like an 830 I didn't have to be until 12 okay there was BYOB places and I went in there I was clean for like 90 days going to meetings and shit I had a half ounce of coke I seen this Korean chick with fake titties and blonde streaks in there it was over hell yeah the AA book got lit on fire how do you get the half ounce if you were cleaning sober because I was bringing it to sell at the halfway house that was my job I was getting married

in a month and I was charging vague I was selling blow I was lending money I was a one-man record machine and yeah crazy but besides that though one time in Vegas I got thrown out my early dude to get thrown out that's some pretty she squatted I made a fart noise yeah and strippers go bananas yeah they don't like when they bend over and shit uh-uh one that I got really coked up and I tore a man for the strip of the pop the pimple on her ass a little white head on ass you ever see a strip with a white on her ass I want to give her a dollar but you feel bad you're like I want that pimple yeah it has a hair sticking out

just like pull it like a few no but that's it like I feel after a certain age I felt because early on I would go to a strip club that was just disgusting when I was a kid yes it's because you feel like I can get these girls I don't gotta give her money no no no I feel creepy for them which makes me feel creepy I was told my friend of mine last week about a mutual friend that we have in Jersey and I said to him you know for 40 years brother dudes never made me feel comfortable because I tell you why he's a great guy the problem with him is he's not comfortable his own skin okay so when you're around him you feel

creepy but he's a good guy he went to one of my comedy shows these the last guy expected to see one of my comedy shows and after what he came up to me and gave me a hug and he said he was proud of me but I still went back to the hotel scratching my head I keep it poison on my neck I'd be trying to fiddletrick on me yeah yeah that's some shit man I mean dude like you know how you were talking about sugar daddies like I seen the worst case of a sugar daddy dog it was worse sir than you remember in a Harlem nights sunshine got married sunshine got that cop yeah remember he caught his old lady's like hey tell your

mom I ain't coming home no dog so there was this old man he must have been like 70 and he fell down in Vons and he had a dog and like he fell down broke his leg and he broke the dog's leg so this is crazy and he got like a five million dollars settlement and he loved black girls that were tatted up and look thuggish to him but they had to have their own real hair so he would come to our club and he would spend like money to find it as one girl came I can say her stage name her stage name is Stacy she was bad dog she looked like Mary J Blige without talent like she was hot pretty and she was real like she she

told me she's been on riddle in ever since she was like in 10th grade like she was just with it so this this old man straight up he'd give her a thousand dollars he goes don't talk to no guy in here and then she was like yo man this will say don't give me 10 G's if I fuck them that bitch showed up to work the next day and a new Nissan Ultima dog like she used this guy for at least a year a thousand dollars a day and he brought her mama car and then and then it was crazy cuz she would come in to work bragging she's like yeah man the people are Bank of America were talking shit to my man they was like you know

you don't got a buyer of this right like cuz he was pulling money out and he had to go to the bank to pick it up that's new style dog that's 300 grand a year yeah just to just to keep her away from the other guys yeah and and he would come in with like it bundled cuz he would wear like these fucking sweats all the way up to his belly button and shit and then he'd have like a big old stack of hundreds on the side of them and that's that's it made me realize like man dog these girls have flipped the game tremendous that shit makes me sad it makes me really fucking emotional and sad why I don't know you feel bad for the

man like he knew what he was doing no dog he used to fight with her in the club cuz like you know how you said they don't answer all the time and she was like one time I went to his house and it was all dirty cuz you know when you're old man like that he had expensive dogs and the dogs ran the house she wouldn't clean this house for a thousand dollars a day yeah I don't know she was there to strictly jack him off make him nut give him whatever he gave for that hour and she was gone like she had a boyfriend that was in on it she was buying him clothes it's like I was just like fuck I couldn't send my lady to go fuck old

dude to support us that's some weird shit but yeah that's just one of them dog I've seen guys come by girls tits by the masses the girl that I became tight with I was dating I got in the middle of this because she had tried to leave him for like two years he took her to court oh shit dog it was bad damn listen bro he would give him money to go on vacation with a dude like to keep her happy like I've never heard this type of stuff before I had never heard this shit before in my life nor do I want to hear it I used to sit there and I'd be sad and guess what the dude started calling me oh I got to come here and at first I would hang up on him

wasn't that I was kind of a little fucked up like a dog what's the problem he goes you don't understand I love her my heart broke bro yeah like you know the type of guy in my heart broke he's like I love you and I said to him how can you love her when she was dating all these dudes and you're just milking her he she's milking you dry they know it they want the feeling I couldn't be mad at her listen I'm a thief no matter what you're doing you're still a thief at the end of the day yeah I couldn't be mad at her they gave her an opportunity she used her gifts and this guy boy I mean it was the same thing you I don't even remember half the shit and I don't want to tell something that's wrong vacations I know all that shit you went to the Bahamas with a dude and then

she said she was staying for three days she stayed for five dude showed up oh wow gave the dude money like a thousand bucks to get back on the plane within an hour dude got on the plane you know shit like that wow at the end of the week you sit there and go Jesus Christ but his father died and left that money same thing so the mother gave him an allowance of like 20 grand a week and she would get 18 of it damn like she's trashers yeah I told you right after I dated she started dating an Indian guy and he got paid that stuff was like 78 years old didn't get a hard on no more he died like the fucking dude in Dallas with the fucking chick with the big tits and died from pills and a Nicole was the same thing yeah Carol was dirty something years old she marries a

70-something-year-old dude you know and then she turned it over and she flipped it and she kept doing it but that year that's those four years I was with it I was the worst log bro I ever had in my life but yeah she was surrounded by bad luck and if you ever work with strippers which you did fuck when they walk in they all got a story oh yeah my building burnt down my sister got shot they all got a story because a part of what they do is what I was doing with a gun and what I was doing lying to people it's the same thing yeah it does nothing different no matter how I look at it but it was a different style impossible they got the wager meant like they got the pussy and and you know going back to this guy that your girl carols with yeah like

I noticed these guys they kind of like that power he was she was 24 he was doing this from the age of 20 to 24 25 for like a year she tried to cut it off I think she even gave him some money back like eight grand oh shit oh yeah yeah because she ordered and that eight grand for how to give back well it's hard she's one of those girls bro that if she has 30 if she has three thousand and three dollars she'll eat for those three dollars but she'll starve he won't touch the three wow I had never seen anything like this well do you guys I know uh like the like there's a whole like a thing now on Instagram of just Instagram models who just are somehow traveling the world and yeah as sugar daddies are taking care of everything everything you know like and there's there's even

sugar mommas out there man there's older women that if you young and you with it they gonna hook you up it's it's crazy I had one once but you know she was I was getting like I was getting like 80 a week you know that's the I was she was low you were the bottom end of the uni you were the apprentice paying for the shit you can't get your card for four years and shits you gotta fight along that listen that no that should ever happen to me and I got no sugar mommas I got nothing every loan I took I had to pay back you know one way or another but I just when Carol was filling me in on this the first time guys I was dying yeah I mean did it hurt you dog like did you ask her a does he do what they do to you like I don't know no I'm not one of those guys

after you open I did that when I was 22 dog and that opens up a complete can of work you don't want to know where they've been yeah you don't want to know nothing I don't know as soon as they start telling you you go listen I don't know yeah I'm out give me a G I'm out here I love you I don't care if you got gang banged what are you gonna do you were 28 hopefully by now you're pussy little of the juices out of that that's like we can have a child and you don't end up like I'll be wearing scar face and shit hey but you know how you were talking about pimps is uh check this out man uh I stopped DJing at a strip club like about a year ago and I remember the new thing is is pimps they now make their prostitutes go work at the strip club because they're like you know what

fuck the bullshit you're gonna go in there and you're gonna give me all the money you make from there and it's weird because like the strip club I was at it had a whole stroll in the front like there was prostitutes walking the street and then we were their competition it was like hey you want to be safe you know what I mean and dude I I I only know this because one girl was like amen look call the cops my boyfriend's waiting out there and if I don't come out with the money he thinks I got I'm gonna get my ass kicked I'm sick of this shit like what they do is they have kids with these chicks and then they got the kid waiting for him back at the hotel room she's like I already had my sister pick up my son no we ain't like it was crazy though it was like an escape and that fool was

outside just looking like yo man is she in there and I was like yeah dog you know she's getting ready he was like well do I need to get her and I was like it's a two drink minimum dog I can't tell you know but fuck it yeah dog it's it's crazy like that that that pimpin and stripping game is getting too comfortable with each other you know what I mean it's like there used to be a lot a fine line where it was just like you know what you're gonna get from either spot now they're trying to coexist with each other I learned something at the age of 16 that most men will never learn in their life I learned at the age of 16 until this day I'm very grateful when I played CYO ball in the eighth grade there was a dude that went down there he was maybe two years older than I was and every

Saturday we'd go down to the practice and then you could stay for two hours and shoot hoops and everybody was allowed in there kid's last name was Diaz I don't remember what his first name was but when Lee we went to visit my mother's grave right that's how I look I look for my mother's grave once I find him if I stay horizontally I bump into another second cousin of mine oh who jumped off the bridge we were related to dads like my dad with that ice cream cone no that's that's Steve Mancini okay this kid's name was George Hernandez he was beautiful for me to say he was jersey he played football but he had a problem the H and he could he was going to college now he had a bunch of dilemmas so once I see those two I know my mother's two or three rows

away okay because they each died like June July the same died November and that's how they lay him out yeah but that kid Mario Diaz okay no Mario Diaz was the karate kid different he was Chinese Cuban this kid Diaz he was one of these guys bro when I was a kid that you know when you're 14 and you hang out with somebody who's 17 they're having sex it's pretty impressionable yeah well maybe he was 16 but I mean he had stories every fucking Saturday and he had three dudes with him and those days if he was 16 and you dress up George they let you into bars in the city oh yeah yeah they let you into 3 a.m. well they even you could even go into the city in those days those you had a fake ID which cost you six dollars and 42nd Street you did whatever the

fuck you wanted you had it in those days they had a cover at the door they understood you hadn't understanding when I was young I'm gonna let you in there you're 16 you fuck up when the cops come I don't have your back and you can't come back in here and forget so you had to act on your best behavior so in those days if you were dressed up your shoes were shined you didn't act like an asshole you had a little bit of a mustache you're 16 they let you in because the drinking age was 18 yeah so it didn't really matter yeah he looked 18 you know yeah he had an ID fuck yeah there was no scanners none of the shit they got now they try to fuck with you and ask you your horoscope like what's your horoscope you know shit like that so you had to have a memorize

and all that you had all that memorized but but by the time I was 15 and a half there was this guy in my name was named squeak they used to call him squeak and somebody he gave somebody his license and that dude gave it to me oh okay and in those days jersey it didn't have a picture no no it was just a piece of paper that fumbled it you're kidding me blood type you want to donate your eyes you know fucking your name your address your zip code and the number of your license how did they get away with that no they changed it afterward new jersey never had a picture uh-huh after immigration and I know we need pictures yeah now they some somebody showed up with a big envelope and so look at no pictures no pictures so we got 40 minutes still fucking we got three days till the NCIC

comes back and we could bail you out of there see in those days the NCIC didn't come back from 72 hours George Perez oh no so if you were wanting a national level and you knew it as soon as you got arrested you had been waiting for me by the time they got the paperwork back because it was facts by the time it went to Washington then they ran it and unless you were a priority or something that's in a stack of papers that's two days so by the time you get back like one time I got a misdemeanor thing I gave him a fake name I bailed out I went to court when I got back for years every time I looked at my court file I showed that court case and I was like damn they could arrest of me never arrest me because when by the time the fingerprints on misdemeanors took a year for

your fingerprints to come back they went to the bottom of the pile they didn't have that much money in those departments either for all that that's what they did on saturdays and sundays on overtime three weeks a month there's like two misdemeanors felonies had the first fucking eyeball no but that whole world george has always uh it's made me kind of sad it is dark and bad like I said to you I'd love to see women naked you know mate dog no as much as an animal or anybody else you want to put that monk on my face if it opens up my sinuses we're in business you know I'm saying if I could sniff that monkey it's a joke but whenever I go to a strip club especially after like my fucking 30s

I always got creepy and I always got the creeps that's why I stopped going I didn't see the sense of it you know I've never been maybe I went to eddie's place one time with rogan all the way by the airport they shot a bunch of movies in there it was really pretty in there really dark three floors oh wow two floors yeah that's the baller the first floor they danced the second floor come as you want you know what you need to do in there nobody knows nothing no cameras a timer goes off yeah that's it exactly that's it the egg is boiled once the timer goes off the egg is fucking boring the curtain open after that but I always felt when when I was young I had a bad experience over those hookah I was like you know I'm Catholic I thought love was love yeah you know

at that time I had a seventh grade girl who told me she loved me and we were gonna fuck in July when school was over so the whole year she had me on a dry hump mission just dry humping and waiting for that pussy in July and she reneged on me that killed me inside you know what I'm saying like it just killed me and then my friend as Pablo over gone god rest his soul he took me into the city one night with his fucking candy truck his father had a candy company and at night he'd steal his father's truck we'd be in the back of the thing where she bars and shit potato chips and pretzels don't touch the pretzels there for fucking so we she went to that 1040 club and there's all hook is $10 999 plus tax 1040 in 1981 damn he would go there every week so he wanted to bring us in like this

is my favorite place what's the value of 10 bucks in those days that come is it like 50 now 20 now maybe 40 now okay disgusting there's no value there's somebody who sells you their pussy for $9.99 okay there's no value that pussy comes with a disease an itch yeah like smell yeah a lifetime of fucking flashbacks nothing in that room is good for you till that's this day that feeling never went away from me George yeah that creepy feeling of walking back there because in the back of my mind I believe in flowers and chocolate and I came in a minute then I go what's the use of buying chocolate going to the store last longer than me coming in a fucking minute I there's no rubbing neck sometimes you rub my neck I come in my pants I come from eating pussy

sometimes that's how quick I am I just pass out my boom what happened not nothing I'm over here in my leak of my fucking leg crazy glue to the fucking linoleum just from eating her out that you then sometimes I just get so excited I get excited I just crack a nut and there's some crazy fetishes in those strip clubs man the you know what the craziest shit too Joey is the fucking fights in there because a stripper dressing room is equivalent to a prison yard they separating groups the old ones kicking with the old ones the black kid with the blacks the lands and the whites just intermix they never got their own group I don't know why they just and it's like you got the pill poppers the cold cat girls and when they fight it's like to die like we have to jump in like dude fly told

me at the at the strip club he was at that they had to carry a girl down a stretcher what do they fight about just bitch you like you gotta you gotta remember a stripper's kind of like a it's a boy she's a bully a stripper someone that's cool swag I think they want to show these other bitches they need to be fucked with it's so weird like when I when I used to walk back there I felt like a cop for the first time because they would all hide all their shit like they got shit going on in there that's ridiculous and like hey bro you call that the best a thief is always a thief so they steal from each other crazy and there's cameras everywhere so they'll go call it you know what I was gone at this time in that time to go tell the manager everything at the camera

sure enough that bitch stole my shit and it's like super fights I've seen some crazy fights it's uh it's insane you know to see beautiful naked women fighting each other do they fight about like is there like a good spot like you know how in comedy there's the headliners they're like a good they don't oh yeah if you try to bump a bitch you're gonna get fucked up if you're next and this other girl comes she goes hey uh you know I want to go before her dog like no bitch I'm next like or my customers here like like they'll fight over customers they'll be like hey you know what that guy spends money put me on stage and then they're like oh wow it was my I'm scheduled for this time no it's not scheduled time it's you have them on a roll sheet so like say uh destiny

comes in dynasty uh poor show you write their names down on a list and once you start bringing girls on stage you gotta go buy the girls like the order and there's no break songs it's like if I'm dj'ing an aerosmith's plane I just turn it down for a second all right guys give it up right there for destiny we got sqly girl up next and once that once that song's changed that other girl has to get her money get her ass off stage and the next girl goes leave there's no wrong answer all right there's no wrong answer just want to ask your question okay what is the motor of what is the motive right of an exotic dancer to make money okay so what is the root of making money showing her's getting on stage and showing her stuff in her world

what is the root of making money being on stage I guess George what's the root of her making money fucking getting customers showing off are you ready you ready yeah she's a salesman yeah exactly salesman to the match she's a salesman perfectly said joey listen to me the stripper is a car salesman only who shows that in that pussy they have a kid at the house the old man left him he's doing time you know what man it's expensive for diapers it's expensive for a thousand times you have to make money you have to make limitations you have a child at the house you have bills you have two kids you're trying to put food you know what's rent what's rent when you have two kids yeah what's childcare what's a car what's so if a fucking girl is smart she's a sales girl who makes the most

money George the one who puts the titties on the one who puts the Catholic skirt on with the sun with the glasses with little titties with nice shoes on and walks out there and you know she's a dirty fucking animal straight up that's the one you look for that's the one you avoid the one with the Catholics with the stockings that's got glasses on that she looks like she's too pretty to be in the joint yeah she's a savage yes when she gets on top of your lap she gets your dick card and then she starts becoming a pickpocket that's when Dini goes to work oh my god your dick card okay that's their job once they get that good that's when it becomes a thousand dollar a day plus a bag of blow so what if they give a hand job it must be amazing just because like that because I had a car

riding experience this past couple weekends and they always make you feel like they're your best friends oh yeah this is it that sounds but if they're gonna grab your dick or show you their tits that's even better listen George how do you sell blow George come in come over and taste this George come in for a second come in the corner listen you ever see you ever see Pablo Escobar they show a necklace yeah the dude that he used to hang out with his nephew's nephew's best friend the ghost he just gave me a fucking kilo of his coke it's tremendous it's 50 a gram it's tremendous it's 89% no yeah I call you into a call and put two fucking spoons in your nose straight up see you turn pale that's when you all the money comes right out of your pocket

there's money talk in the cocaine world lead money talks and bullshit water right there somebody gives me the rocket you brought I turned to you and legal lead what's in your pocket oh well I'm holding on for money for paul he gave me the money on stabbing the fucking neck we're buying this guy out how much for the laptop I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse you know what's a good one George how much for the laptop listen leave give him the laptop exactly give him the backpack the whole fucking time but Joey I don't want to the place don't embarrass me get a spoon this is the best blow I've ever had in 20 years and you know what's weird too is we have to fight the customers off dog because they're all constantly trying to bring that shit in to calm the girls into not giving

them money because you know they pay cheaper for the drug so the girl would give a hundred bucks for two grams where they only pay 40 and now the girls like like they'll lie to us oh that guy never paid me why didn't you tell us oh I thought you guys see who's going to his car so now she played us she got her sack and now we can't get our cut of that it's so crazy dog I trip out and then now there's a new website I guess where the customers judge the girls and they tell you how good the dances are does he help for strippers now yeah I'll I'll text it to you tomorrow because some of the girls that I used to work with they'd always be like look at this like other girls would fake like they were customers and make a bad comment about a girl that's making money to fuck her up oh my god

it's a dog it's a doggy dog world yeah it's crazy yeah it's it's some of them working packs perfect dog they work in packs because Carol used to work what do you mean like a pack like a lion pack so two of them they work together yeah and they work like Bing Crosby and fucking Bob Hope Jack they work you think a fucking bird and fucking Kevin McHale you know they're like fucking Shaq and Kobe Shaq and Kobe it's a it's a fucking one and if they're both good looking it's over one is black yeah or if the other one's white and the other one's Latina and they both come from the same cut that they need 1200 a day to feed their kid snort coke and drive their fucking Porsche they're making 1200 that day this guy just offer this 5000

go back to his hotel yeah tell him you need 7500 and you want 5000 up front I mean these girls are fucking sales women I need to see the cash right now 5000 up front I think before I go anywhere give him the money and also give me my 2500 but you just said 5000 and next thing they're gonna give them 9000 and they're eating each other out telling you the deal telling you the fucking deal it is I'm telling you I was with Carol for four years and it was on and off and there was always a story I always had to go for an AIDS test yeah no I've been there many times a year because I didn't trust it at all and then we broke up and we stayed friends and then you know we just talked and one day I told her what I thought and she agreed and that was it she was

always she's always been honest with me since then she's had men that lived in the house and the whole thing and it's three nights a week she's down there I love the debt she's a great you know what I'm saying yeah hey it's her hustle yeah but it's interesting to see that the house will never win away yeah they keep that shit forever no she's 47 if I'm 54 yeah she's about 47 46 even though she has a full-time job that pays with benefits I think she still drives out there twice a fucking month mm-hmm dude I've met some crazy girls my I had this fine older lady her stage name is Danielle and her husband was I think he was like gang unit never married for 25 years and she found out that he was cheating on her for 12 years she fucking got half the money and she

said I've always wanted to be a stripper and now she's a stripper dude fine oh she's about 45 fine because all she did was work out with him never had kids with him he was never home but he was cheating on her and yeah my ex boss was crazy Joey she was like a 52 year old lady and she was beautiful she had the best fucking pussy in the world like she would show it off to us like she would show us pictures she's like look motherfucker that pussy's tired of the any girl's pussy in here and I was like that's you dude she has pictures of her with I bet you you know her I bet you know her look you leave like it's a man you haven't fucking you can ask Shakira that's my old boss like we all talk about her she she cares your old boss huh no she's my

old boss that's crazy I like she's beautiful dog she's 52 and like I would have fucked her but I was scared she always wanted to fuck me but I was scared because everybody she fucked that worked ended up getting fired like about eight months later she'd always fucked the youngsters and she liked me because her ex her ex-husband was a cholo like me and she this girl had she reminded me of you Joey but she had stories and she knew her pussy was power she quit because she married a millionaire straight up cruise by work in a Tesla fuck you guys you don't fuck dude she's with it and at the club I was working at she used to be a dancer there and then she ended up getting lupus she had to quit and the customers were like well how are we

gonna see you she became the manager and just started like telling the customers I can't dance for you but I'll do things and dog baller baller like she told me that she went to Tokyo to strip for five years she made like 300 000 there she's just straight baller white or black white beautiful she looked like um fuck who's that girl on Scarface the one Tony was in love with Michelle she looked like Michelle Pfeiffer right before she did the movie as a substitute teacher she looked good and at 50 her ass looked like she was a gymnast yeah with it it's funny because the way I was raised and the whole thing but I have to tell you something when I was 21 and I've said this on the show before I lived in Aspen Colorado five and that's the first time

I suspected something that's the first time I'd be at a Chinese restaurant up there the one the only one in Aspen that was horrific by the way at that time horrific how do you get Chinese food in Colorado horrific yeah I'll never forget the first time I saw and we pulled though because I lived in Basalt which is 30 miles south so on a special occasion we drove up to Aspen Park to call and walk around this 1983 George yeah and this is Aspen this is a popular place they got Italian they got this that and they had Chinese I forgot what the name was we walked in there oh god we're from New York City yeah it's I was saying like isn't that known for Chinese food New York oh yeah and all of a sudden I'm 1920 and I'm walking into this Chinese restaurant expecting

New York City food and I nearly fucking puke guys that was the first time my my heart stopped yeah Chinese food was a shit is that one of the places that you had under your under your control for a few days no no I never went back there I think I went once again one time I gave another shot like 18 months later and it was still horrific you got locked up in Denver on Colorado over there yeah this was Aspen my George what's the difference between it's like the richer area yeah it's four hours oh away Aspen at the time was where the eagles lived oh Johnston lived they all lived in three Johnston all of those fucking animals I used to wear my shirt like that guy live out there and it was very peaceful the airport was the little planes only can land there from Denver

they had a lot of charter planes but it was a very big drug town there was a lot of drugs up there oh yeah I moved to basalt I'm 18 19 you know I'm clean for a month I never even dared of asking I was happy excuse me uh-huh I was happy to have it around me for the first time I was gonna try to really go without it within two weeks the people was living with the chick was talking about and my roommates started talking about it anywhere they were on to and I still played it cool but then we broke up and I had to move up to snowman's village and three days after I got into snowman's village somebody asked her I don't like coke and it was fucking tremendous it was good huh fucking off the rattles

so I started just buying a half a gram every Friday and I ate my little salad I always made a little lettuce tomato onion with Oscar Maya salami that's why we do have some type of vinaigrette heavy with the red pepper and I would fucking eat that and then I'd had like six beers and I'd watch USA night flight and I'd take the coke and cut it up into little lines when I'd sit there and write little fucking stupid things then I'd go in my room and bang one out and come back and do more coke and drink a couple tequila's uh-huh fuck you have to when you're on some good coke that like it'll it good cocaine makes you like into a fucking bartender you're like you know I want tequila no I want wine you know I want a tall can and then you try to eat and it's the worst you

know but those days I still wasn't an animal yet George I was just I got you now you're experimenting Fridays only I would start at 10 and by 3 3 30 I'd end it go to the room jerk off again go to bed and the next day it was forgotten yeah that was it I did not go in public in those days okay I knew people who got high at the house and when they said to myself that's what I'll do no going out I don't want nobody to see me coked up yeah I used to be like that like you you turn it to your own spy I used to lock my dog into the room so he didn't see me no no no no no this is early on I was doing this later on I know what you're talking about that's what you can't go out loud I'm talking about early on I had this thing I go why don't people if I went out and saw

people join I would lose my mind I go dog get the fuck out of here like I always had something against that okay and don't make me get started from where I know what you mean the 70s people had rings around their nose like that used to drive me crazy because I would people close to me like my mom okay I'll have to tell my mom wipe your fucking nose then in the mid 80s that thing started with people's jaws with people's jaws is it because they cut it with different stuff it was still powerful like your fucking head would get numb in 82 the coke was completely different than what it became in 87 cleaner 82 yeah I remember going to Miami George in 84 getting off a plane and doing some shit that your eyes would get red like the veins in your eyes

would get all like you would go to Memphis the brothers in Memphis their eyes all beady and shit black people in Memphis all look nervous that's how your eyeballs get you get red eyeballs and shit your head gets hot but your dick would get hard yeah you wouldn't get paranoid you get real thirsty for alcohol and you were but it was stages that's what people never understand that the addiction has stages I started in 79 and until 84 83 I didn't get creepy I know exactly what you're saying those first four years it was a party I can go to a bar snort with George hug him go to work drink another whiskey tonic it was very social then I would bring him back to wherever I lived and get high and bang out and bring a girl back

and snort coke and put her in a bikini with heels and get all crazy you know you get fucking crazy in those days there was no condoms there was nothing you didn't give a fuck I think there were condoms no not till 85 till Rock Hudson came out and talked about AIDS is that when the condom no the condom was always around because when I was in the fifth grade that summer I robbed a box of condoms me and a bunch of us from a bag of a fucking like a pharmacy and you didn't see the journey oh they didn't have my liquor stores you had to get them from a pharmacy a pharmacy in those days we were walking you know those parking lots we're kid dog yeah fifth grade fourth grade summer you know fucking walking we just went to carvel we got ice cream we're walking in a parking

lot and there's a truck and the back is wide open and next to it there's stacks of boxes and we sit right there and all of a sudden bro we saw that the guy would take one box of the time and go in so we said let's take a box each and we all went over and took a box and just taught we just ran yeah yeah we got to the light the light was green we crossed Kennedy Boulevard down to fucking the the the Chinese store in those days we used to call it the chink store yeah we get the dragon grocery aka the chink store on Sundays it was a bodega the old man was coolest shit the daughter was a fucking the the daughter was the first lucy lu oh it was 1979 nobody was looking for losing nobody gave up but 1975 it had to be when we we stole those columns because we were

nobody was even thinking the fucking when we stole those columns the whole crew I hung out with nobody was fucking people were kind of talking about it somebody made out somebody touched somebody's teddy yeah but nobody was fucking out of all the boxes the six of us took one guy got like a cream for your hands one guy got like fucking hair pins yeah this is what I remember I never forget the hair pins and what the fuck am I gonna do with these hair pins uh and I got a box of condoms when they only came in one color oh yeah black no shit and they were thick and the outside was black so I sold what I could for 50 cents what can you sell a condom in those days if you had a condom in your wallet you would have shit yeah what was your sales pitch yeah like how could you convince

what happens if you bump into a fucking hot chick and you fingered at that and all of a sudden at 11 you're saying this oh yeah we're just fucking with people we're trying to sell we took them to the chinese bodega he bought like three boxes but I don't want to steal his stuff I don't know he left them on the wall they got because he was chinese cuban so whatever he was saying spanish he'd say chinese first you know and translate it and then say it in spanish cool as shit and we sold half of them and then we just went to 38 street park and broke them out so I'll never forget I had that like I didn't even use a wallet no who made condoms back then was it trojan or good year who made condoms I don't fucking know like I'm a swami from salami I don't know that

shit good you remember everything else good year fucking hemtrack that was before the middle man you took them before they put the package on a problem crazy that's fucking crazy dog we were young young nobody got laid that condom let me tell you how long ago I still remember why busted that condom out with and it was dry uh the condom was disintegrated they expire yeah yeah I don't know that thing expired eight times by the time I broke into it I just put it in there raw I didn't give a fucking yeah I was like in the fucking my sophomore year that's right I met this girl in north bergen pool when she was a year older than me I swear to god she was from north bergen we started talking and shit you fucked her at the pool no dog I got manners I'm a Catholic I took her to a

movie I bought a popcorn exactly we swapped spit and then I would go uptown and go into like not enemy territory but it was not the friendliest territory yeah it was neutral I would knock on her door I was already in high school why was it enemy territory or neutral territory because it was a different uh different neighborhood and then one day I'm walking home when I see some dude from that territory he's like Coco what up so I walk home I swam spit with her well when I see the kitty goes did you fuck her already and I go no what are you talking about he goes oh that chick is fuck like ten guys explain it was over I just told her right I go listen I think it's time we get taken and shit yeah and warm Rodriguez got rested so solid soldier I said you gotta bring a friend

and she brought a friend and went to warm Rodriguez's house his parents worked in Goya in fact they're like every time I do Miami his other brother Carlos comes to the show that's crazy I was just thinking about Carlos the other you know it's crazy is your face looks purple dog is it the light or is it this Death Star again it's the Death Star again so sorry I'm tripping no it's see the Death Star is purple so the ink from the Death Star is going into your eyeballs right now so right now I just saw streaks of purple too it's wrong yeah it's like getting back to the face at night you see the little stars it's all right no bro I had sex with this girl I kind of I really liked it and something happened like I don't know but I wasn't good sex I don't know what I was doing

I was young and nervous and clumsy she was beautiful who knows what the hell happened but I would tell you something I met Juan first because Juan used to date a chick by my mom so I was goombas with I used to train with her and her girlfriend Juan's the guy that you've seen walking home that told you about it right well by what Juan about that girl fuck 10 guys no no what was a Cuban kid that was from Pensauk in New Jersey a rough a rough city outside of Philadelphia and Camden but he was white but he played basketball like he was black okay and he was five foot six George his shake was lethal because he was close to the floor you know what I'm saying yeah he shook you if you are them you were done yeah he would just burn you on the left hand side and then he would do a

bunch of shit inside and foul and one he was all county freshman year so he had a younger brother and one part of his hair in the middle and combed it this way like a shag they called it in the 70s but Carlos combed it straight back and he had a widows peak Carlos played basketball too and he was on the freshman basketball thing so for months every time I'd see Carlos you know I knew Carlos when he was older brother I went to his house I had sex with a kid on his bed you know every time in fact like I said Carlos just went to one of my shows not in Miami okay I see Carlos and then I start calling Drac because he looks like Drac and he'd say Joey please don't call me Drac bro and this shit caught on in basketball practice I was gonna say I was gonna say yeah the ceremony

started calling Drac Drac Drac and he would get pissed off see Coco what you started fuck fuck and he would go back to his rooms and now it's a Christmas tournament in East Orange New Jersey you know what that means we're going into all black territory okay that means we're going into all black territory we're gonna get our asses handed to us yeah freshman year basketball we got on the bus we get out there we're playing this fucking Christmas tournament and next thing you know Juan is a guard he's a starting guard Carlos the young one who was is this like a vars this is freshman freshman year okay and it will be freshman and Carlos is taking the ball out of bounds and he hated that Drac shit but right before the referee

gave the ball a black kid looked at him and he goes I was bro I could have to be a hundred because that's how I learned comedy I saw comedy for reels I saw this black dude walk up to him take a look at him and also he goes yo yo to his partner he goes look at my dog over here he looks like any monster and shit bro that dude fell apart when they threw the ball at him he just sat there he was cracked yeah he got crowned like guess what happens he they said that to him and he we didn't say a word we just everybody on the team saw that he frightened he couldn't play the rest of the game he was flustered and shit and the next thing you know bro on the bus like after about 20 minutes

people just started calling them any monster until today people still that know them if that know them like really know them still go any monster was to deal with Neil and he'll just look at you and go what the fuck bro how do you still remember that shit where's Tony Bennett cocksucker Tony Bannett I'm surprised he didn't end up in like a mental hospital oh my god is it cool for you to restaurant I want to be a little bit hurry up no dog I'm drinking water now

be true as you used to do with I'm on fire tonight I'm cooking and shit stoned these animals want fire tonight see what we had eight thousand animals nobody's gonna do yeah it's a buffet here on Monday nights I told you that I love buffets Uncle Larry sent us something like I'm saving that thank you Larry you know I'm saying Uncle Larry always uh comes through oh you guys a knock over here on the office door some guy comes in I'm afraid of the Larry's you're old man pit bull misses you who pit bull I think you might need to move back into his neck back into his district he misses you a lot I saw him today did he say I saw him yesterday no he didn't say that he said yeah then I went back to the mail

a package and you know me I'm back there doing you understand I pulled over and took a piss on the freeway on the way here you're a crazy fucking man George you gotta go to doctor you gotta get sag insurance you gotta shoot another movie about Mexico making a comeback for the 4th of July whatever whatever the fuck no bro yeah Mexico doesn't have insurance like that do they Mexico hooks you up like Cuba yeah I think I don't I think I think Mexico might have free I think I think I can go to villages immunization I don't know if it's free but I think I don't I think it's cheaper and then but I don't know how good it is well no no no what the fuck am I saying like they come here a lot I know that for a fact that a friend of a friend's

which I helped out said that he needed donations in fact I think I even tweeted that for cancer but what he was doing was he was going to Mexico where the medical treatment is five times cheaper and in a way it's even better than here his cancer was cured he came back he's riding a bicycle again everybody's happy I could just imagine it be so yeah yeah a lot of people going down there for like fake tits yeah but they get screwed yeah yeah you gotta be careful it's now fucking uh what's his name what's the black dude you said before the comedian which fly oh fly yeah man make him believe he's Mexican take job and shit shooting you with fentanyl and michael jackson juice whatever the fuck that shit

no there was this stripper that is fentanyl that's it yeah michael jackson juice yeah i said that shit's that shit's blowing up right now yeah it's it's weird like how do you overdose with the fucking doctor giving it to you some weird shit like people are overdosing well he was on 80 fucking things what kills me about the drug world which i am not gonna lie to you i was a part of i should have stopped snorting coke when anybody's died no so this day i always go i'll never forget that that morning that he died i was waking up from a fucking blizzard you know what i'm saying i know exactly what you're saying i was waking up from a fucking two bang a day with three cases of beer and somebody had a show up with whiskey and fucking people lying there and there's pain

in your chest from all the cigarettes you smoked i didn't smoke at that time oh you're so lucky i used to smoke weed at that time only i would drink snort blow and those days if you had something to in those days quailo's are still around you know what that's making a comeback i heard what quailo quailo see you know why because of the cosby thing yeah exactly i never understood that like the first marketing that i ran into like that that made me laugh was in the old days in new york they would sell nickel bucks you know and some weed was ten bucks they would tell you this from cali or it's tie weed and you would pay the ten it was three or four joints but then early on people go i got tens and i got trays that's a tray and i got 20 a three dollar bag three dollar bag

a three dollar bag and it was angel dust oh and so that's like one hit it was no the three dollar bag you could roll a joint like you regularly roll a joint and right before you ready roll a joint the joint george i take like a cigarette thing and like scoop it into the joint and i dust it dust it into the joint we have probably have a good joint and maybe another half a joint here or we could just be savages you and i and pour the whole fucking thing in 10 out of 10 i poured the whole fucking thing in you know how i roll you notice he scratched his face oh my god it was horrible it was fucking horrible it was horrible it was uh i would do it i was just writing about this today like you know george went as what was the first how were

you the first time you put something in your nose you know what i got peer pressured my sophomore year it was speed but it was crank it was horrible it it made my fucking brain like it went straight for my nose and like i felt like somebody was fucking jabbing chopsticks in my fucking brain my eye in the back here hurt oh my god you know speed is different from coke coke is like a good feeling when you do speed it's like automatic like sharp fucking pain to your brain first time i did speed i just robbed that bank me and my dog we cast i had a fucking draw full of 20s oh i'm a fucking high school i'm a sophomore in high school maybe a junior and i'm just christmas it's my first christmas without my mother oh fuck yeah you're mad

dog and i started going to that strip club where women would sit on bottles and shit oh and the second time i went dog openly some people were like listen if you want to take a girl in the back it's 20 bucks if you want to buy uh some drugs see this girl over here i'm like listen i don't know about taking my girl in the back but what kind of drugs you're holding i'm i'm a fucking kid george how sad is that yeah i'm maybe 17 i got 250 i don't mean 280 and i go see the girl she goes you want to get it i'm only going to get but i want to get high first i go what do you got this he goes i got 20s of coke and i got grams of speed i go how good is the speed dog that was a couple days away from christmas it was a couple days oh so you had money

so i go what do you got she goes the speed is 80 i got 20s i go give me an 80 and 220s i took that fucking 80 put it in my top pocket took those 220s i gave him with a 50 for the girl it was the nastiest lap dance ever by this time i was done by this time the experience in the city with the fucking chicken the 1040 club when she's gone top me squeaking like i hear the condom squeaking i'm getting grossed out and once when she goes you know for an extra 10 dollars you can eat me the dog this is just hard no these are things that happened to me early on that destroyed my insides because dog like i told you i really believed in roses yeah and romance and music and you know what you mean like dude i used to date a stripper and like i used to believe

her she's like we can't fuck here we can't suck dick raw on camera and i was telling all my friends yeah dog she's different for me and one day my cousin that's the manager he probably did it like you before he knew you he was like hey dog come to the office real quick homie and i was like what's up he put that shit on camera seven dog and i'm watching my girlfriend suck some old man's dick for 30 bucks oh my god and i'm like damn full i remember i just walked out i go hey can i take my lunch i was just thinking of a way to break up at there and i just i remember just coming back like going hey dog if you're gonna be sucking fool's dick make sure you brush your teeth man you know i'm gonna tell you about a deep deep deep take me to stripper dog and 87

me when i put it out there like i found out like on a monday that i wanted to fucking take vella's coke but i knew the clock was ticking vella was waiting for a paycheck and how he was putting the paycheck together was by selling cars or taking some of this coke that belonged to his roommate and selling piece by piece like that so he was asking around and giving out samples he came to me directly one day and he goes do you know he really wants to buy two kilos and i'm sitting there going listen i don't know a lot about a lot of things 25 years old let's face it i got nothing going on let's be honest i got no future you know i speak spanish i don't have no families i got no no no i was clean george at the time i'm clean i'm fucked

but in my mind because i didn't have a college education i thought i was dead meat and all of a sudden this dude george that reminds me of a dude that i don't know george i know i just knew i could sweat on him i got you i could make him take it out of the house i knew i had this guy i knew i had this guy i had a short but an envelope i had to tell him where the envelope was and lure him over that i knew yeah it was gonna go down that luring thing that's a weird gift to have yeah i know what you mean and i didn't know i had it until i read the sam and the bulgarano book the secret about sam the bulgarano unless you read the book you do not know is that yeah he claims he killed 19

it's more like 25 but 12 of those murders you know what they were george you coming over here today yeah he would trick you like that yeah you kind of be like let's pretend let's pretend i came to you a bar that was a unit the waiters were in the unit okay so i knew how we could squeeze 30 g's a week out of there i'll put up the set of money everything we squeeze out of there so i get my set of money is mine after that we split 30 g's a week 15 g's a week that's what that's 60 000 month that's a lot clean that's clean yeah so what he would do is how long i know you're george about 13 14 yeah right sign the papers let's do this george we signed the papers give you

four months you're done huh then he then he take over the business and then bring somebody else again that's what he kept doing he kept killing his partners oh my god five but how he would do it was what do you want to do to that i don't know what do you want let's go for a drink and he walked you right in you don't know sweet like what the fuck yeah five and once i read that i got really scared about myself because that's an ugly thing to have i could have lured anybody in those days for blow i mean i set this whole deal up i was like the middle man bringing him to a dude but the more the whole thing i'm trying to say to you is you know what that dude that you know why that dude

wanted to kidnap a fucking that helped me kidnap that dude you know his motivation was okay i was a spiel okay he was a fake biker he was a fake everything he had tinted windows he already had a tattoo that he would show out every day or you know yeah he was funny he would talk to people like yeah let me think about it and talk to my partners he was one of those dudes yeah we said partners yeah that's like clipboard yeah no no no no this guy was a fucking piece of work but he had a good talk and i tried to get work him out with this let me ask you a question what if i do a guy who had two pieces and i could take him down are you interested in over here absolutely i've done a couple of those like all right let's do it let me

get you all the details and i'll fill you in we met somewhere let him know because when do you want to do it i'll give me a couple days i'll be in touch he would come to work the kid the kid the kid was a machine the kid was a savage he would sell cars and then go and snort all night he hung out with people who had money he had grown up in bold and his best friends had money and they were snorting like animals you got to see everything huh he got the gift of gab from yeah he was really good looking and he was living on the arm he was making like six thousand snorting six thousand five but his buddies were giving him fifteen thousand and cocaine okay and nobody was saying nothing plus he's setting up this kid the kid's name was randy who he was setting up

one day i got a knock on my door and it's this fucking fake bike and dude he goes could i talk to you what are we gonna do this i got dark we're gonna do this maybe tuesday we're making it for two it was like sunday i'll never forget this George you're in front of my house in bold and he goes listen we're going to he goes i really did this money i go why what's going on he goes i'm in love man i go really you have a girlfriend he goes listen this is way before the word it's complicated came up this is 1987 nobody would say that word it's complicated this guy was just retarded you know i'm saying he was just a Mormon fuck yeah he broke it down for me George he goes here's the deal there's this strip club right now and this chick is fucking beautiful

she left the house because of me so she's sleeping in my bedroom and i go why are you what's going on i'm sleeping on the couch i go so you're not having sex no not yet i go so what are you waiting he goes well the money from this kid fucking kidding that man i'll take that and pay for her divorce i go how much is a divorce she's like 20 000 no 20 g 20 you know 10 it was a lot of money i sat there my jaw dropped yeah so he was doing this to give her money now you know what she did for a living yes what she did for a limit stripper not only a stripper but a complete nude stripper b y o b sit on your lap rub your dick with your hand jerk you up between the pussy come on her leg anything was a horror show i knew people went in there i worked at car sales and car salesman said

that's the place where anything fucking goes and i threw people that that people that girl's name they go bro one thing about that girl she's super hot but she had this steven kid believing that the reason why she wouldn't have sex with him is because she was married and she was coming since she was catholic she couldn't sleep with him until she got divorced but she can do coke and everything else and the divorce is 20 g she's starting blow oh he was buying blow for and everything and when i never forget when the thing went arrived bro you should have seen him he was crying because he's like what am i going to tell her what am i going to tell him he's like i got another guy we could rock this is a different guy he's in a hotel right now

i forget what he said the guy had bro till this day we actually went to the hotel i'm like i'm already in shit i'm already in trouble i'm gonna pull two families in one fucking day yeah you're crazy i can't believe like this is what i trip out on you dog i see you with such a big heart and the way you are but like you used to rob connects and i don't think people understand like when you rob the drug dealer like it's it's going down i remember like i didn't like to hang out when i when i used to pick up dope in 1999 to 2003 whatever i hated being in that drug house it's like being in the waiting room i don't know dog you you probably had more juice or if you had that one on one like i had to wait in a house where somebody brought it to you and then he he wanted to hit

it like i didn't buy this for you to hit it and there was people there like i thought i was gonna get robbed and you know what i mean it's like and in those places what dude i left a connect once where that fucking place got robbed an hour later and they fucked those fools up they beat the dogs up they didn't fuck around they came in with bats beat up the dogs hit the bird cage let the parakeet out they didn't give a fuck dog let me tell you something we live very different lives you gotta remember silent for you going to one of those businesses yeah throw everybody off guard you gotta go in there locked loaded yeah ready to go but the number one thing you gotta go in there is with the element of surprise see people in a strip club waiting for two black guys to come

in with shotguns and say freeze everybody hit the floor but let me tell you something when you're sitting there with a glass of water drinking club salt and also some guy comes in with a bat and starts swinging at you and starts hitting people's craniums and you hear people's skulls crack i mean shit they start going down one by one and they're just they're going down five per minute and you got five guys six guys doing it with bats and two of them with guns and one guy with an automatic weapon two guys down the block with fucking radios two more guys around the corner with block cars with scanners that's how to take over those fucking hell with it yeah that's SWAT tactical off the street that's that's motherfucking you know dude you train in the jungles and

shit to take over the crack houses and you watch the schedule yeah you watch the schedule you see when the packages leave when they come back you know that's some shit right it's a bro that's a complete different world that was my world i love that shit george i could snoop it out i had a nose for instance 1981 and a half wow i could find that shit and it's a come up and i would see people and i would see how they'd act and all so i find out they were a drug dealer and i would buy something from them and then back off buy it again back off and by the third time george they start smelling their guts yeah you catch them at 11 30 with three bumps on them and they're like this is the best shit you'll ever get i get together i get this from a guy called no mulu you know he shows up every

wednesday at midnight and gives me the package that means if you come in they're going to play on thursday morning at seven o'clock it's ready it's ready for you that dude ain't gonna be ready no and he hasn't even cut it yet it's right yeah it's right there he hasn't he's been looking at it snorted and jerked it off with his girlfriend picture with it okay so you kick that door and you throw a smoke bomb in that four dudes six in the morning you did not have a smoke bomb please tell me you didn't have a smoke bomb yes you tell me where you get a smoke bomb anyway the firework ones it was container you draw it down the container hits the floor and smoke comes out of it and it throws them the fuck out but at the time they even noticed the smoke you got guns on them

where's the cocaine i don't know what you're talking about their mom's on the floor with the man you take the girl by the fucking hair you put your shotgun in her mouth where's the cocaine it's in the closet take the cocaine boom you have a cash in the house no i don't i'll fucking shoot her in the leg motherfucker yeah i got 10 grand the fucking thing boom all right boom nobody this never happened go back to bed yeah you got a car waiting down the corner you get in it you just go it fucking you know a kilo of coke which you get for free you could drop it on the motherfucker straight at straight up 30k between four guys that's not a bad day yeah you get one of two of those a week you ballin have you seen that movie wonderland oh my i i it's the movie about john

holmes you know john holmes he i know it's movie told him yeah where they fucking rob the biggest persian it's it takes place in hollywood and he convinces other guys to go rob them for him and they didn't give him no cut so he he gets caught and the guy that catches them make them go back and kills everybody dog it's it's what's that street you told me fountain when you're fucking on coke always take fountain it takes place on fountain that's what's crazy i remember you told me you said with drug dealer by there where you would you would do it right you got off because you know after fountain you were gonna be on sunset you watch that movie wonderland it's with val kilmer he plays john holmes and he after he's after he's done doing porno he becomes a big-ass

drug addict and i guess like since he was like the most famous porn star back then all the millionaires would invite him to his parties and he would take people back there to go rob you afterwards like you said he would make you get comfortable with them it's a fucking crazy movie and i guess it's a true story george from 84 to 87 until i got caught i don't know how many people i clipped right out five which in my world was a ton fuck yeah and it's uncut pure there was times that he let this guy just got a quarter pound and actually you know i see this asshole going skiing and i could fucking jimmy his door and take it on george it was pathetic and then it got to the point where when i was in it in snowman's village once people knew i met business

everybody opened their doors to me oh wow you're doing coke bro your mouth goes your mouth starts to go because you gotta prove your point this cocaine i get from this guy called the guapo he drops it off via helicopter you know and then we have to go up there with sneeze you know and then they look at it and taste it it tests that 93 percent then you got to start talking your shit oh no no i get this from the jew the jew brings it from israel via colombia where they reprocess it it's 92 percent taste how clean this is and next thing you know your mouth is going bro what's the best shit you've gotten dog like from who was it in cuba was it in miami was it in jersey where did you get the best shit well you have to go with the time periods in the time zone

and the evolution of cocaine and how it went from being one thing to what it is today okay when i was still snorting 2007 it was very speedy because they got cut bad huh i don't know you know now they put shit in it right in colombia mexico it was speedy it was also um not cut with the ether okay when i was and when i first started doing coke you do too first off i didn't get my young coke for the first year george i don't remember he was playing trick on me yeah he had strong mucus back then i would get this shit out i realized i had a drink with it oh i got you now i drank with it my fuck i got you i got fucked up his shit it was the best combo oh my god i do two lines and have a mickle over two and i'd be fucked up my jaw would go and i'd be

all happy and talk to people and there was a party and i love you and when my one of this check comes in i'm gonna have a million dollars let's do another bump let's get another beer i'm waiting for abdic man or talking shit choice in those days i was not thinking about entertainment i thought that somebody was gonna walk in some place and go you're a funny guy let me put you yeah i never do about additions or no additions that's crazy now now joey like you know what's weird dog is i knew you grew up did did you ever do coke like like i heard cocaine got fucked up when it became crack like did you do coke before they even made crack or was yeah now let me tell you what happened yeah this is the bottom line about what happened i was i was exposed to cocaine in a young age

did i look at it and stuff not really i'm not gonna lie to you and tell you i looked at it the first time i looked at cocaine was october of 79 that was two that was the first time and i'll elaborate on that some other time but i took a little bit of it like maybe two and a half grams wow i took it up to my room and at that time i had a promise at that time i had snorted tac crystal and you know what killed me about snorting tac crystal that i violated my number one rule i wouldn't ever put another thing up my nose okay that was like i saw a private personal rule that i did not want to put something up my nose so once i did the tac i said okay i'll stop at that i got a lung infection they took me to the hospital they said they were gonna scrape my lungs they put me

out and they scraped my lungs and i thought it was the tac crystal was gonna be in the results i was fucking 15 years old so for three days i sweated in that hospital bed thinking that i was gonna come up positive for tac crystal when they snorted my fucking lungs oh my god they never said nothing i never said i never copped to a you know me dog i don't know nothing till you get to the lie detector test i don't know nothing i don't know nothing so no George but then i looked at it for a couple days i had it in my drawer hidden and one day i know i was gonna play hooky my sophomore year and i took it with me like i'm gonna sell it today but i ended up with this dude i knew it was cool as fuck and i knew if we did it he would never

say that i would never say that so we all cut out of school and went back to his house as our friends came over but they were in the basement me and him upstairs make some peppermint snaps and vodka with crushed ice we took a bunch of crushed ice and crushed it into little pebbles and then we filled the glasses up with just that and then we sprinkled cocaine on top and we drank like two of those and we thought really big shots look at us this is way before Scarface guys this is 1979 and my man lubes his kitchen all right at 11 30 in the morning like a week before halloween or in his kitchen there's maybe six dudes downstairs with a case of quartz what's quartz quartz dirty two ones be the big oh i got you here's the problem

we just robbed a beer truck we were going to eat breakfast and we saw a beer truck delivering and we pulled over and go come on let's take a beer we took them for a case but it was quartz so what did we do we had a couple of options we could bring it to a liquor store and trade it out and pay a few bucks and the guy makes an extra five bucks when he sells the thing or we take it back to your house we fill your tub up with beer for ice and that's exactly we scoop it we took it back to the kid's house put scoops of fucking ice on it from the store waited 10 minutes we bought another fucking case of beer and everybody downstairs was smoking pot outside and drinking nobody knew me and my dog were upstairs about to do a blast and we just kept looking at each other what do you

think should we do it let's try it let's try it let's try it the next thing we go let's do it we had already drank two drinks with the cocaine sprinkle not yeah that had your blood pumping your brain was thinking oh my hair was growing and once we did those first two lines i wasn't hooked it wasn't till i heard black sabbath snow blind that it all made sense to me i'm like oh i'm going into a deep dark area now i need this shit fuck but that was it that was basically the first that it took me like maybe two weeks to do it again maybe three weeks yeah when you're young it's hard to find like as an adult oh listen i always tell people this is how old i am you saw what happened in california or weed how one day you were going somewhere to buy weed now

you could pull over as long as you have your license and your id and you could pull over go to something let me go oh shit there's a weed store right there hold on give me five minutes hunt you go in there you sign the paperwork they ask you two stupid questions they buzz you and they give you an envelope with papers lighter fucking road slip and you get a free edible that's harder than shit and they give you a gram of certain weed yeah that fucking yeah so it's going on the way yeah the shit like their cousins snuck in through the tires i don't know what my point is what what you saw what what happened here in california you saw i saw the growth of cocaine just how we saw the weed growth oh i got you went from we were doing

acid drinking and smoking pot to fuck the acid which was three dollars a hit tops to buy a fifty dollar half a gram and we would split that between two people that was a lot when you're in high school fuck yeah i i didn't even touch it i was an adult dog i was scared opening bang out when you're in high school june you get 25 bucks to open up at the club because we would get the half gram no matter what either you're ready or yeah if you're ready and you talk your friend into it maybe we get an eight bone we got a little more what do you think let's let's get an eight ball throw some cut on it because the shit we're getting is fucking fire anyway yeah well who was like the biggest rock group at that time like what music were you

fucking bump was it david bowie like what were you bumping to enjoy that high of coke let's face it there's really no music that you enjoy at that beginning level of cocaine yeah you're right because i'll enjoy it now later but i do remember one memory that still it's on this day once when i was a kid at one point there were two dudes in my neighborhood and i was friends with bolton i loved them both daily there was a problem no joey's these two dudes had fought oh i feel you had a little hate each other so every time i would talk to one guy on the way out he would go tell your buddy i got mine i'm still gonna fuck him up and every time i'd hang out with lee lee would say to me dog tell your buddy i got mine and i'm gonna catch

him on these nights what he did to me this went on for a year i'm friends with bolton guess what happens my mother dies oh the one dude says to me do you want to live with me i said absolutely i move in everything's fucking tremendous one night who do i go out with deedy and he has a heart attack and i hang out with deeds i love deedy yeah at that time deedy was a fucking pisser he was tough we fucking snort blow he was two years younger than me if i was 16 deedy was 14 wow snort drinking with men you know i'm saying like a fucking savage that's why they call the man chop because he was really a fucking animal a death of Satan so we both became they both became heated so one night i'm working at a gas station

and i rolled this attendant this freaky freddy dude i'm supposed to rob him buy an eight ball and chop him the eight ball with him i'll never forget this like we had done this 10 times act kicked him in the stomach like if you think i'm exaggerating this guy got robbed if they look back at the new jersey logs of gas stations that got robbed that even with the cops down the corner that gas station will get robbed three times a month even with the cops like 500 feet away they would be drinking coffee 50 feet away they would still rob that gas station because if you ran the one direction you ran into like uh joanne kellen's house and uh this other girl's house it was kind of fucked up in those days

but there's a bridge there if you can make it to the bridge you're pretty good there's still a little at that time it was underdeveloped and shit okay but at that point you have two roads going opposite directions there's exits there those days because i remember looking at that what the fuck we talking about here it's about the liquor store that got robbed by the there's a liquor store they used to get robbed by the police station and there was a gas station so this one day this dude's half fucking jacked up he's telling me how you gotta rob me every once in a while because that's the only way my wife will sleep with me i must have fucked him up a couple times for seven eight hundred this dude would ask me how much money do i have i mean four hundred he go

yeah you're right i always he always had seven hundred eight hundred so we'd split the money but buy an eight ball from wow that was the deal in those days i got an eight ball for 250 so if i'd rob him i'd say four hundred we'd need to take 75 dollars and he got an eight ball off the top damn that's pretty smart to get away with your wife so and he took a beating yeah he took two punches to the face i fucked up his eyebrow i mean it was ridiculous and i'd bring deedy with me i'll fucked up and we'd rob him but at this time i'm living with this other character who i love dillie still today and he would give me shit about hanging out with deedy to one night i got this whole night planned i'm gonna hook up with freaky freddy i'm gonna rob him once and for all he's never

gonna see me what's he gonna do go to the cops he's freaky freddy he's already taken 35 punches for me what's he gonna do he knows i can fucking knock him the fuck out at this age at this point it was an easy to clock him in the head i'd done it 30 times already so i take the coke and my plan is to take the coke i got a case of being lined up and i'm going back to where i'm living because the dude i'm living with is supposed to go out and me and deedy got the house till about 11 and then 11 we go to deedy's house and snort there to his brother gets home at three or four from the club yeah he's gonna have separate spots so we had the tremendous thing well guess what way before we get over there i called over there my boy calls me because i'm not going out these

guys hated each other oh yeah i walked in first and i go hey man here's the deal we brought beer there's weed here your parents ain't coming home tomorrow can you make peace with this kid tonight he's here and he goes all right let him in and this guy played like a big shot was 16 years old and this guy's like thank you welcome to my house let's forgive by gone but what you didn't know is that this dude couldn't drink so we got this coke burning at home in my pockets and we're like how we're gonna get rid of homeboy because he don't do coke he don't believe yeah wow we're gonna get rid of homeboy next thing you know homeboy drinks a full beer and he goes hold on i gotta go to the bedroom and take a nap he lays down no he doesn't

take a nap this is how hard he passes on the alcohol that you guess what i want just come out rap is delight oh yeah uh here we come in here we come in here we come in here we come in here we put that out maybe george how long i know you we put that out month maybe 80 times that night we just kept snorting that fucking eight ball me and this kid snorted that eight ball finally when he kind of came through at about five the light was coming out we took off we went to a park with like eight beers yeah and we sat and watched the sun come up and we snorted the rest and that's the first time i go oh my god i'm fucked up my jaw was going i was paranoid and no no no at that point i didn't get paranoid at that point it was still fun i was still social

yeah i can go to your house and you wouldn't know i was tweaking do you know what i'm saying i was still at that point of cocaine yeah like you get to a point where you catch all your actions and you're like one fuck i'm acting like this yeah i can't believe i'm doing that for the next day and i forget i saw freaky freddy he's like what happened to the coke me and i gotta believe it the cops pulled me over fuck you the cops didn't know nothing and that took me to the hospital where's my end my wife is on my ass she had a main jacket on that night with a bikini his wife weighed like 400 pounds and what they would do they knew they were getting the coke they would get a jacuzzi delivered and those days the company would come to your house set up a jacuzzi in your

living room oh and you climb into it and you could have sex in there and shit and they came back the next day they put the hose on top they let you fucking take the nut out oh my god hysterical so she was huge she never even left the apartment it was one of those situations you know the way he could have sex with her is if he would give her a little cocaine it was crazy George and i'm fucking 16 years old yeah dawg that's crazy i never saw freaky freddy again and this is new york jersey right this is jersey via 1980 maybe i had to work at the gas station i lasted a month because i you know me i gotta take a 50 on the way out you got me here from you got me here from six to two in the morning i'm missing parties yeah that eight bucks an hour ain't coming in you charged a $50

just to work just to walk in that's that that was the term in those days that was light there were some people who took you to for 200 right off the top i knew a bartender in new york at the first day i started at this place he goes listen we take 140 off the top fuck so you're based but in those days yeah but you each had a register and in those days again eight guys six dollars a beer that's 48 bucks you would ring an eight bucks okay you understand you understand me you fucking put it in there was no cameras there was really and guess what you can see out in those days take that money and start all over again i know it's the i mean that's when you clear the register right off the top there was no computer it was a roll

of paper all you had to do is get that paper cut it out and see yeah put the fucking date on it how i'd even eat my fungi with you know no no nothing you unplug the register plug the back in it doesn't fucking think you're dealing drop a story on judge prayers i gotta run to the bathroom don't even trip wrap it up so yeah li you know what li you always ask me crazy questions go ahead ask me any one dog okay so i've been watching a lot of lock up there's a bunch of lock ups on oh i'm so glad on netflix and i'm obsessed with them what are you obsessed with okay it seems like everyone is just like a liar straight to your face ever at all at all times from the guards to the other inmates and like it just seems like a crazy place to be like a lie too are you watching like

lock up in california and mississippi alabama i've watched all of them one the one i'm watching now was like first timers okay i got you well let me break your let me break you down all those people that they're interviewing on lock up those are all special need yard offenders what does that mean they're tattletales rapists pedophiles snitches uh or or they're like men that have tits or they're like yeah it's they put them on a special need yard so you don't like so you don't like the people on lock up fuck no i hate those motherfuckers god but you know once in a while they'll the blacks they don't go they go through a different kind of politics because on the real prison yards they're not a lot of coming interview you yeah they they go crazy with the cameras no like we won't

let it happen it just won't happen like yeah they must they must control it they're not gonna know yeah people out there with the camera yeah because the they're on like uh like yeah have you seen that new one they got this one where they send they put you in the county jail and fuck that nope i'll watch it i'm not gonna be on that no like like they made a right they put a regular person in there to try to convince the convicts to think they're convicts we've been watching that and it's fucking crazy because they one chick found out that this other chick was a cop too and she was like hey you're here for and you're here for the program huh like she was like checking on a bitch you need to act better because i can tell you you've never been locked up and they don't

know how to adjust to it i wouldn't know how to adjust to it that's it's uh like that i i never want to go i don't know i i would not survive you'd love it lee no you would start your own podcast in there i would try like five walkmans and some headphones coming absolutely you're going there showing what you're gonna do with the computer how you know how to make things happen and next thing you know your asshole is protected no matter what race no matter you have to just become uh what's that word that rambo always uses they used to always use you just uh i'm just uh i forgot nobody fucking knows it secure or nothing i haven't seen rambo in a while man expendable expendable once you become fucking you know that you could make everybody in there

prospering happy yep and you make the main guy happy that's it as long as you're doing graphics for the main dude shit that he likes that he sends out yeah what a dog you know that's it you're covered now people gotta pay you you give him a fig and everybody's happy why not lee yeah at least you're not getting fucked in the ass by the airing nation you're doing sketches for him old dad i can't go to the airing nation i understand do they have jewish gangs no no you i got like three jews what am i gonna see here's the deal they would have three jews but they don't know what they're doing they're walking around with bdi's looking around every fucking size they can't hide it so now what you do is you go in there and you go right to the fucking mexicans because you know

them you make sure that you got alliances either the mexicans or the brothers you would do better with the brothers because you could teach them shit and fucking you know computers how to do a podcast i don't want to know that i think they're maybe the baddest black dude wants to be a rapper he just needs to mix tape his shit yeah to bust his mother fucking game you go right to the head of the black dudes listen my name is lee sciat i'm a podcast producer i've been producing podcast what the fuck is he talking about man man listen excuse me sir i didn't mean to bother i don't think i give you that much time to explain yeah yeah yeah i'm very very very effective you'll be fine i don't know i'm not going religion doesn't overpower race they never

like look you're talking about the benjamin's league and the fucking day i'm gonna tell them how they're gonna make money on leeson yeah yeah you're gonna be like and everything you make they got a piece of out of respect you understand you're at the fucking respecting them it doesn't matter because if not they don't respect your asshole so what would you rather respect going to the hospital when you're 27 with enemies or giving ten dollars out of the 40 you're making which ain't gonna make you or break you you understand me you give someone you give somebody ten dollars in a bag of cookies in prison ain't nothing to happen to your ass only son ten dollars in a bag of cookies what what if someone else wants ten dollars in a bag of cookies

the guy that you give him the ten dollars in a bag of cookies he smooths out the lumps and the bumps okay he says joints listen hands off lee sciat he's my good buddy you know what i'm saying nothing can happen to him he's very good with the computer in fact if your sister needs a passport type it up for you in 30 days 300 ahead give you 50 off the top tell your mom to put 50 on my books straight up straight up that's it and the money for him he works for you now give him two points and he's a good man to be around george pares and that's how you do it lee and next thing you know on sundays george pares brings in mexican food the black dude brings in cheeto pie and papayas chicken you have no family and next you know they invite you in and you're eating with them

on sunday it's the weirdest fucking thing unless you've been in there yeah dude lee i know you'd make it because on visitation day yeah people bringing food yeah i know you'd make it because the last prison i was at i used to work with this guy that was a 54 year old little white man that was in there for attempted murder because they tried to jump him at a bar and they embarrassed him and this guy was fragile cool but like since he knew me now and we worked together he worked x-rays and i worked on the yard so if i needed cigarettes or anything took to the x-ray department he was like i haven't had a cigarette in four years dawg now i can smoke one every day because of you isn't exactly what you said man you you put bread to the basket dawg that'll be nice you'll

protect your butthole lee is that like your fear getting butt raped in prison uh that's not great king b up's not great it's all it's a whole not the whole listen the whole idea of prison so this day day george pareska that came out of prison got a gun and go rub the back yeah i fucked that you know prison is intended to give you fear it's what fear you when i was 22 dawg i had no fear hell no i always thought i wasn't gonna wait like you know what i know people i swear to god george i was delusional because when i was from those people made calls attorneys showed up they knew the deal here i am walking with three i'm fucking 30 cents away from a quarter and i'm fucking walking around thinking yeah i can do whatever the fuck i want and if i get nailed

especially not some county i can make a few calls which at that time i could it would be my first arrest everybody was saying there's a good kid this never happened with him before blah blah ladders and shit yeah you know but eventually you get nailed eventually you get fucking nailed if you're committing felonies and uh because felonies are things that you don't even realize you're doing at the time yeah i have a felony man that's no fucking joke when i did that with with that dude with even with the gun i always start in the back of my mind i get away with it until while i was doing it until like you felt like the steel in your hand in the trigger you're like damn dog this is getting ugly yeah like they could shoot you for having that this is at this

point here at that time i didn't get anxiety what i got was this heat in my head and i would hear voices and shit that would you know i'm hearing noises right now that's because i started that get would you like to start that secure all right just in case you want to you don't see the devil you look Mexican to me right now good good good good you said i want to look Mexican hold on let me give you some shout outs get some shout outs here tonight some special fucking people my girl jessica jewel my man marco the bartender at the chop house in Milwaukee fucking tremendous place if you ever more walkie go to the chop house and see my man marco he brought me a beautiful i'm george carlin live from the Carnegie hall i also want to give a shout out to my girl charlie

who drove down and hung out with us and ellie stewart richards rg madden who took the food recommendations thank you lee doesn't even take my food recommendations i give you some rg madden the best man in the world he has no you haven't who do you think turn you on to lala's me be no no you know i love you nathan mcdowell nathan merrick matthew mcdowell i'm sorry matthew mcdowell nathan merrick and robert lure bell or something like that you know i love you cocksucker and the affluence i'm strong when i'm writing these and uh that's just the way it works out don't give me no shit i'm at stage two it's called working out with joey next thursday night i think it's 10 bucks i'm gonna go in there

with a notebook at the ice house at the ice house i'm gonna go in there with a notebook and just talk for a fucking hour at least i'm gonna be there taping he's always the assistant to the assistant to the assistant to the assistant to the assistant oh my god there's a new assistant now oh my god i'll be selling 20 sacks at the show dog that's my ball be selling 20 sacks and that's the way you have any dates though that people come say uh no not right now not this week i'm taking the week off as far as good good podcast though yeah george got a bang a new podcast that's always like number 17 or the 17th one i don't know i think i owe 17 months no you gotta come up here let me we'll meet you halfway and i'll do it off i'll come to you dog i would

yeah it's called george perez stories it's on itunes soundcloud google play i'm new to it dog like i'm loving it you're the one that like i remember after i did rogan you brought me in here you checked me and i was a dog thank you for that push man like you have to do a podcast you have a voice bro oh thank you but like it's weird like i i didn't know how much work you have to put into it dog and i gotta give you props are you and lee fuck this is some work dog some work you don't mean you have to stay on top of this i love it i can tell i love it that i have a good partner you know he's always on time he's pumped for what he does his job there's no drama he makes me laugh my ass off for the last 20 minutes he keeps looking at me yeah yeah for years for least

used to come to me and say we have to cut the 100 episodes and make the best of i never people would ever renege on our deal i get hit up for pantheon and all that stuff i would never renege on our deal i would never ever ever come to you and say listen from then one i'm gonna give you this for a dollar but i tell you what i will do for a dollar i will get somebody to cut 35 minutes at least i had head mounts and back and forth make noises okay and for an extra bonus i don't know what we'll give you but here's what we want to do for a dollar you just donate to your favorite charity we only want the dollar let's do that just to make lee feel good i kind of want to do six months and just camera work one camera on lee taping two hours a night of all his head movements

beginning to ending we'll give you three episodes you can vote for the best one okay we're gonna give you options here this is very smart can i get the dollars for one another three episodes what can i get the i wanted the dollars for one another three can i get donate two out of the three there's no dollars there's no dollar this is to prove that i'm telling you i i'm telling you that you people are watching shitty comedy comedy is sitting over here trying to talk to a guest while i'm fucking watching lisa pass out come back to life look at the fucking seal and make a noise he looks like a fish that's waiting for his owner look at the computer scratches and rubbing his eyeballs it's a nut making the ear those noises well you always like you always take less stars than i

do no i don't know i eat five stars one of the six you did not eat one you had a slushy her oh my god i'm getting some stuff sent to me that you just pour into drinks and 250 milligrams you can make like a shake out of it no well most people pour it into like like a gatorade or something okay i got protein drink no they might have protein i don't know but i'll check george peres it's good to see you good to see you man you love it you make me feel warm i'm not rapping i've been fucking you're rocking and rolling george forrest radio promoting shit stone till it kills on the star of death yeah i'm fucking high as fuck can i i i just want to shout out dustin who gave me a note gave a note to joe and just said i'm too fat for your shirts and gave me some

some money so thank you i want to thank the people Milwaukee the people who came to the pap state it i also want to thank the people that came to the magic hat that was the more i think about it it was a different type show for me and i gotta tell you something i felt great about the shows but most importantly i'm happy you people fucking came out i started a little room you people wanted more tickets you respond that we went in the big room you know what we didn't sell out but it was a great fucking audience so thank you for coming out friday night and michigan the canadiens who drove down thank you for coming down fucking saturday night you bad motherfuckers just like that george peres you know what i'm saying that's what's up back and now i'm home for five fucking weeks trying

to dig up new fucking material yeah i called you and you remember walkie i was like what are you doing like i'm not fucking style bucks in old walkie leave order well i said we come over i know you're like lee order i wasn't there but actually that's i just remember you saying that shit no that was when i called you i don't want to talk about what i called you up because i was like you don't believe what happened last night oh yeah that was here was i here uh you're in milwaukee it was thursday i called you thursday no it was friday you remember walkie friday weren't you yeah because i called you in the daytime it was like two o'clock i called you over yeah but it wasn't lee it was in front of my

man okay my bad my bad he's cheating on you lee i know lee's got responsibilities he's got women he's got you know the answer have you said have you scone ziplining yet lee no no why you gotta get him started right you know what happened he broke the i'm a zipline master you know oh you have a group on they look for them and then they made them pay right and they couldn't get on i remember they got on they gave them physical they all looked at each other they know they put them on that road but it's all bullshit because the place closed and the place when we went to breakfast in the morning told us that like a 98 year old man got carried off the mountain and he could do it so i don't know why we couldn't do it like they had to

carry this man he let him in his car and he could do it and like a quarter of the group got taken off oh stop it lee he broke the rope and i did not break any rope yes he did yes he did i was embarrassed to them but i am now and i'm still able to do it i'll put all the you can't do it so i broke the rope like a Buddhist monk constantly if i took a rope right now try the other side they don't use like a home depot like what kind of rope what's the difference special rope like what kind of special rope they have a very specific rope just this ziplining rope that doesn't snap but what's different between you holding on to a rope for one minute that means zipline what the fuck does that have to do with the prize eggs i don't know what you're talking about

like no we'll just make you jump we'll pick you up right you'll grab a rope and just hold it for a okay yes no you can't that's about to hold it there's supposed to be a fucking a little bar a harness and a bar i had to do the camp and they put it you can hook up in the back too did they push you in shit and you kick your legs out no they can do this different moves spider man and batman and spider man you hang upside down yes of course i've been the harness the second time too tell us the truth didn't your family of course i when i was doing kettlebells everything i was doing great i was not great the best shape of my life whatever but i could fit

in a harness they don't have harnesses for like ever coming fit tomorrow's joey you could fit in a harness no i don't they probably have ralphie may harnesses no they don't yes they do what do you break the harness did you break the harness no did you break like the latch belt what broke it's the cure don't even look at you i nothing broke what happened nothing happened i just couldn't you feel the physical i didn't feel your insurance didn't pass no god damn it they didn't like my my break that my hand was didn't go down smooth enough that's why everyone got canceled they didn't let you do that the break test right now you don't know how to use the brakes it was a get them the fuck off the most

he don't know how to use the brakes you broke the rope with a break go service ever it's terrible oh my god i'm like i want to kill and they were mean to they had a dog in the office to make them seem nice and then like every time because like when you go in the elbow it sounds like a quarter of the group gets kicked off so they go back to the office and the manager's like no we're not giving you your money back or they'll like we'll give you a hat we'll give you a coupon but it's like an hour outside of the middle of nowhere so you have to go and then and then you leave like 10 minutes later you're like oh that was a waste of time and money but then they got you die oh my god yeah it's a scam oh shit that's too much that's crazy scam

people who run scams are crazy yeah they're pieces of shit i don't know how you do that oh you crack me the fucking i'm glad i'm fucking high as fuck you broke the rope tremendous i did not god damn it show me you did something fucked up they don't lie to me and it was a special rope i think it says yeah it's the fucking rope they fucking grease it with something no they don't grease it with anything then how do you glide on it they have a coating because you're going eight thousand miles an hour no no no no no i don't go to any zipline that the joey opens you're gonna die that rope has splinters and shit they coat that with something a certain chemical when it's in the plastic right then they finish it with a plastic then they put a loop on that

and they put a harness on that with another ring and you sit in the harness like a child and swing down with your legs okay they had a hard time with the harness you talk no it didn't Oh, that's it. That's it! Ah! Get such a pain in the ass! The harness is to fit anybody. Oh my God.

As long as you're under 250, that's a little bit. All right, so you got in the harness. I got in the harness and I'm in the van. Let me ask you something. Okay. Were there any panic signs? What? Were there any panic...

Did you hear the rope? Like going... I haven't heard one panic sign, but I was fine. I've done it before. I don't know it. It was a... We just... It's a van that drives up the mountain.

It's cool. It has hydraulics in it. And you get out. There's like one little pride. You get one try. And they're like, nope. And then your day is just over. No.

Yeah, they're just like, no, that's not good. And they're like, okay. How long did you go? Five minutes. Yeah, not even. And they're like, go over there and then they'll take you home. I'm like, what? And they're like, yeah, you're not good enough.

And I was like, can we try again? No. There's no time. Fuck. And it's not inexpensive. So fuck them. I'm glad they're out of business. You on there, they heard the rope rattling in your shit.

Oh my God. I read the Yelp report. I can't... The one on Yelp, I read that counterattack. Oh yeah. I attacked them on Yelp. They're supposed to. They said that they weighed you and the scale was fucked up.

They took a chance. The harness was shaky. The harness disintegrated when I took it off. Oh my God. Oh, you're a fucking tramp. That's why I love you to death. I guess. What's been going on in Georgia in your life?

I do a lot of parenting right now, dog. My kids 21 and 18. And yeah, dog, they're going through the changes in life. Like, I want to do this. I want a truck. I want that. I want a car. So I got to, you know, I got to give them a little help out.

A little starter kit for them. They work in. It's cool. I've spent a lot of time with my daughter podcasting a lot lately and a lot of less partying, dog. You know, I've been doing a lot more of the hustle. I like it. You don't chill with red band all the time. That's my boy right there.

That's that tape man. Yeah. The partying takes up so much of your time. Fuck yeah. It's 20, 25, 30 hours a week. If you party five nights a week to find party Joey. Two nights you go out and you get fucked up hungry. Like you eat a Mexican hot dog and you go home and pass the fuck out.

Yeah. Yeah. The dog loaded with onions. We're fucking. I have a pain. I must. You go right home and pass out. Then there's the other nights where the mystery nights where you having a good time at the

barn. And next, you know, three chicks, eight guys. Let's go to this guy's house. Yeah. Party. He comes coming. He's got an ounce for sale. That's death of two legs.

Yeah. The thing that woke me up is I was always partying with the strippers after work and you know, they just got done hustling drug dealers. So they, they just liked me because they thought, you know what? If we fuck him, we don't got to tip him a lot no more. That was their hustle too. So I was just like, you know what? Fuck it.

They got good drugs. I'd party with them and I couldn't recover. I would still be going on. I would be at work the next day. Then I'd go do comedy. I never let my body recover until like two days later. Oh fuck. I could finally sleep for eight hours.

It was some crazy shit. Movies this time. I was like 37, 36. I went strong until I hit about 40. Yeah. I did that 40. Let me try to be accurate with. No, no, no, you're absolutely right.

37, 38. Yeah. I mean, I was going to sleep at me and went from level six to level five. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was a cocaine that wasn't let me sleep in there. And I would take a time on two and shit. And that would knock me out for a little while. It was scary.

Fuck. I can imagine now, man. What started fucking me up is like, I started seeing myself in the mirror and I hated it. I was petrified of myself. I was just like, look at your fucking face. You catch yourself when you're peeing. Yeah. That's the worst.

Take your dick out. You lift up the toilet seat. Look at gentlemen. Take your dick out. You kind of feel good about yourself. You're peeing. It's yellow. There's no blood.

That's a dark yellow. And all of a sudden you look up at them. You just look up. And there's the mirror. And there you are. And it's 5.48 in the morning. You should have been asleep five fucking hours ago if you were a regular comedian. You have to get up in the morning with your kids.

It's 5.48. Your eyeballs are on fire. You and I both know at this point in our lives, we're not hitting the sack till 8. You still got 5, 10 bumps to do. And that's, oh my God, yes. You still, because you don't want to take the sack no more. You know, I'm just going to do the rest of it. But by that point, you're not high anymore.

But you said you're something. You know what? I'll snort it off and just jerk off like that. Yeah. And you'll jerk off six times. Nothing comes up. And at one point you wake up six and a half hours later thirsty as a motherfucker. And when you wake up, your nuts are just squeezed together.

Oh, yeah. It's just two little hormones. Like, you know, the things that cowhams, they look like others. You have no fluid left in your body. You're dehydrated. It's super dehydrated. You get up. You open up that refrigerator.

It's iced tea with no lemon. You inhale that shit. You just need fluids. You just need fluids. Almonds, juice, water. Anything. Oh my God. It's fucking terrible.

I don't miss any of that junk food. And you know what, too? My back finally feels better. Like I was doing so much coke back then. Like I think they were cutting it with something that was fucking my back up. I was too young to have a fucked up back. Then I stopped doing it and drink a lot of water. Now my back is back.

Your back? My back is back. Your back like a motherfucker. Lisa, what's your deal tonight? Tell me your take on this whole situation. It's your final thought. What's your final thought? Wrap this up.

My final thought is drugs are crazy. I have a lot of stuff that I have fucked up with me. But I'm glad that it makes me grateful that I never had that happen to me. It just sounds like it's great but just terrible. Yeah, at the same time. What are you going to do? You know what I'm saying? Thank God you're not going for it.

Yeah. Thank God you're not 28 and a half way house. You know what I got to tell you? I had a good time at the half way house. I learned a lot. Both times I was there. You want me to tell you it was miserable and stuff. They beat me.

It was an education. That system, the time and the system. Straight up. It was an education guys. It was an education. I had a lesson. I learned a lot. It just slowed me down a lot.

I was going, you know, that was a lucky break that God didn't go off. That was a lucky break that fuck hold and shoot the line. Yeah. I had a thousand lucky breaks. I got a good attorney. We found a few loopholes. There was the 1440 bill for the first time you got arrested and it was nonviolent. You got your time cut in half.

So I had already done two months in county, which is four months. I gave some time, sir. Yeah. So I gave me, when you gave me 18 fucking months. That means I'm really doing, I'm only really got fucking 14, which right away you're eligible for a half way house. They still had to go, they still had to put me through DLC. Even though I was eligible for a half way house.

They told me through the system, told me to diagnostic the whole fucking committee. Fuck. I thought they would just send me right to a halfway house. They said, that's why we're going to do this. Fuck. No, they took me into the murky waters of the underworld. Trying to drown you, doggy. Fuck that shit.

I couldn't go to a halfway house. I don't know. I'm just a weirdo like that. I like, when I was in prison, I liked being by myself. I don't know. Half way house. Imagine having like 20 roommates in a fucking living room. Fuck.

I don't know. I don't know. I've always wanted to do this. Okay. Let's say I have a roommate. I snore. What's going to happen, man? Are they going to kill me?

You're going to get punched until you stop snoring. I know. Nah. I mean, amen. You work it out. That's when you, you give them your orange. You know what, homie? I know I bug you at night.

Here's an orange and an apple I give for lunch. You got to pay it off. I walked in, I shared a seven man room, two bedrooms, a couch, two bedroom and two couches. It was two per bedroom. So it was two, two, something weird. And one living room, there was a bed somewhere else. Oh, wow. It was crazy.

And you have to move your way up. Okay. That's the first level is those two apartments. Orange Perez, you move quick. It's 75 hours a week. You got to pay them for groceries. Yeah, you got to pay to live in a halfway house. You got to pay them 150 in those days per week to live in the halfway house.

Did they supply you food or you had to get your own? 75 a week for food on top of the bill. Okay. And when you went in there on Monday, you picked up two grocery bags. It was a headless processed American cheese. Meat patties frozen. One thin steak that was brown and on sale. Like if you don't buy it today, you're going to run away and shit.

A package of pork chops, corn and a can. George, it was the weirdest thing. Ice tea, those soda. That's fucking crazy. And you picked it up and walked out there. And you had to eat. Yeah, I couldn't do that shit. I don't know.

It would just fuck me up. I don't know. I mean, of course I'd do it if I had to, but I would prefer. I'd rather just be in prison. I went into the seven-man room and within three days, George. You were the house mouse. I already had to cook some. Yeah.

I already had some cook. And one time I was waiting. She walked in, but she thought it was a thing for the ceilings. She's like, Jesus, the ceiling is terrible. And I kept slinging coke in there. And finally they put me into a three-man room. And I started off on the couch in there. But the dude that was with, he was in the room.

He requested me. So he was going to hook you up for hooking him up. But there was a dude there that was cool as fuck. But he was low on the tight side. And he looked just like a nut. We call it a dorm. Yeah, man. When I was in prison, I was in a dorm once.

It was a hundred-man dorm. And that was some... You were walking on eggshells at night, my friend. A hundred beds in one room. It was like an old Navy barracks. And they had 50 bucks. And 100 motherfuckers. And it had like 12 showers, 12 restroom heads.

Because it was what the Navy used to use to train back then or something. It was an old Navy barracks. And I hated that shit, dude. That was the worst shit ever. Because you could hear it snoring at night. You can't do anything about a hundred-person room. No. You could smell feet.

Hell, that shit. You could smell farts in the middle of the night. Even when your mouth open. You got a fart stuck to your tooth. Like the inside of your mouth. You got to move your tongue like this in the middle of the nightly. That's fucked up, bro. The other day, dude burped.

I'm sitting there with my full child at the airport in Detroit. And there's fucking great places to eat. And we stopped at this... What the fuck did we stop? I forget, doesn't matter. Can we eat? We have 45 minutes to go. Come on, let's take a walk up.

There's gonna be a long flight. So we walk up. And we see this fucking... half a mug of oilied. We watch, we do our own thing. What the fuck on stone did Gil? I forgot what I was gonna say. I'm fucking stone.

I'm high. This star is kicking in now. This shit was kicking in. I see purple everywhere. I've been watching purple for weeks. This is like the purple ring. You're going to eat with that? There's purple right here. You're going to eat with that?

There's purple right there. Alright, whatever. Me too. This motherfucker. And I'm high as fuck. The way I'm supposed to be. If you want me to lie to you. I need coffee or something right now.

I'm gonna close my eyes. You think I'm fucking with you. You think I'm fucking with you. That's how high I am right now. That chocolate had something in it. Well yeah, cause me and two of them. Me and the whole one. I ate a whole one, dog.

And I had the fucking timeout. And I had about six or seven stars. I ate four of them right in front of you. I ate four of them right in front of you. And I ate three right in front of you. Boom. You know how I eat those gorillas? Who opened up the bag?

Who ripped it open? I don't know. You just kept throwing them at me. No, you ate five stars. I ate at least six. I just had one. And that's all you need. Yeah, you feel like fame.

I just felt like fame two minutes ago. I had to drink water and shit and stretch a little bit. These things are good for you. Stars are good psychologically. They fuck with you a little bit. If you get lost, you gotta find your way around the fucking room. I'm happy you're doing well, George. Oh, thank you, brother.

I'm just trying, you know. I'm happy in the game. You're still putting it together and shit. Yeah, thank you, brother, for all the advice. I got no advice for you. You know the fucking deal. Work hard and you're ready to fucking rock. Yeah.

And when they call, you're prepared. And nobody can fuck with you. Nobody can take it away from you. Nobody can go, well, you really got a sad car. Because you're such and such as a son. Oh, yeah, fuck that. No, dawg. I started as an extra over here.

I got promoted to the fucking sergeant of the movie. And ever since then, I got an agent. I sent headshots, I hand delivered them. I got robbed by my agent. He took my checks that I quit. No, I fucking went back to another agent. He got me a role in this, a role in that, a role in this. And this is who I am today.

That's what it's all about when you get here. It's still sticking around. Yeah. A lot of people fucking come here, get a little success. And bounce. It don't work for them and they fucking get the fuck out. They don't go their way.

The developmental deal don't get picked up. That's when you get strength. Is when you stay after that shit happens. If you just came here for developmental deal and left, what the fuck did you come here for? Yeah. You got to sit here for six fucking years to get one of those things now. Seven years.

Speak of developmental deals. Lee, how much do you like CESA? CESA is great. It has all... I like Parks and Rec its joy always jokes. I love getting to watch SNL. I like watching the ones when my parents were watching them. That was cool.

I also like the original content and I like their specials. Beautiful. I'll tell you what, man. I'm very happy that they put my special on. They got Nick Topolo on there. They got Big J.O.K. sitting there. I mean with CESA you get unlimited access to CESA original series. Next day late night show.

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Do I have a termite? Oh yeah, it's a nightmare. And your underwear is you get little tweaks in them, like little holes. Like somebody sat there with a needle. If you're really thinking about it, you want me to tell you what it is? It's the stink of your nutsack that comes through. And the cotton opens up naturally. I can't even take it no more.

They all talk to each other. What are we going to do with the stink nut that this fucking animal has? He just muster. Anyway, what I'm trying to say to you is, get rid of your old underwear, all right? You know why? Because to look good, you got to feel good, Jack. And I'll start with one word, meundies.com. Meundies is the most comfortable line of deliverable right to your door.

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10% off the Liberty House. Who's better than us? See you Wednesday, motherfuckers. Thank you, George Perez. Thank you, Lisa Ayat. Oh, May 25th, Ice House 830. I'm just working out one hour. We're trying new shit.

Come on in. It's the weekend. Let's start the weekend off. Stay black. I love you, motherfuckers. That was fucking fun. You can open that door, princess. My love.

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Licorice I gotta get some more, put the pedal to the metal Back to the leather throat, cause you know what it mean While I'm feelin' kinda funky, I said plonky Straight goin' junky, money in my sock Jimmy in the glove, layin' in the locker So I'm about to make good love And burn rubber, up the block

Back to the jelly, I gotta get some nuca I gotta get some more, put the pedal to the metal Back to the jelly, I gotta get some nuca And burn rubber, up the block Back to the jelly, I gotta get some nuca Oh yeah, I jumped in the air train But wait a minute, we gotta hit the stoke, man I got to get some gum and some tic-tacs Two tall cans and a packet of black jacks We got the pills, now we're heading for the hoedown

There goes the telly, so fellow won't just slow down Park the ride in the front like a sick one Just in case, we gotta bust a quick one Lock the loader's gonna look for like 118, but lay low Cause I really don't want to be seen It's just a big heart, yeah, that's the right one I got the black one and you got the white one So hit the like, man, I just might, man Try and throw this thing all night, and get a soft scrum, and she'll drop some mail So I can cut turf and hit another hotel So hit the like, man, I just might, man Try and throw this thing all night, and

get a soft scrum, and she'll drop some mail So hit the like, man, I just might, man So hit the like, man, I just might, man Try and throw this thing all night, and get a soft scrum, and she'll drop some mail So hit the like, man, I just might, man So hit the like, man, I just might, man Try and throw this thing all night, and get a soft scrum, and she'll drop some mail So hit the like, man, I just might, man So hit the like, man, I just might, man So hit the like, man, I just might, man