Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #485 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: May 29, 2017

 Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:  Lyft - Sign up to drive at Lyft.com/joey and find out how you qualify to get a $500 new driver bonus.    Blue Apron - Go to blueapron.com/joey to get your first three meals free and free shipping!   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 05/28/2017.    

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Go to lift.com slash Joey today and we'll get you a five hundred dollar new driver bonus That's lift.com slash Joey Today and limited time Terms apply, but I'll get you filing on a new bonus ride today. Kick this mule Lee Oh shit It's Memorial Day bitches and Uncle Joey and his little Jewish cousin showed up ain't that a bitch We showed up with reefer Barbecue fucking everything and here we are out of respect for Greg Almond

As good as it gets in my fucking world Dirty dangerous balls, that's what the church is all about bitches. Here we go Kick it Lee. I want the speakers to light themselves on fire Lee You Who drummers to guitarists that were savages and this fucking smooth motherfucker I Here we go Kick that fucking mule

Happy Monday bitches Uncle Joey here We showed up cuz you're gonna need is the most on a fucking Monday Everybody else is grilling and doing what the fuck they're doing. We showed up to have a little party here RIP Greg Walman, you know what man? It's crazy because You don't even finish more than one guy and somebody else fucking dies on you It's been like that for the last fucking year You know saying like you're still in the heat over fucking Prince and this guy dies and Mary Tyler Moore dies And this is your childhood. These are the people, you know, I came from Cuba

I watched Mary Tyler more every fucking day on TV So when she died a couple weeks ago that I shed a tear I mean I I didn't send flowers or anything But I was kind of upset because you fucking know him. Well, at least you think you know, you know, you've been watching him Chris Cornell killed me last week guys I can't even tell you the first like a couple days later when I put his music on in my office And I'm doing shit. I'm like Jesus, you know, this is a man. This guy's gone and now Greg Orman I mean he was 69, you know, I'm not sure if he was touring. I know he was an old folks home or something

but these are the guys that fucking You know, especially this guy He let me know I was all right, you know, when I listen to the old brothers I feel like stabbing somebody I feel like Like I'm fucking dangerous myself But anyway, it's I'm great to be here Lisa. Yeah, what's happening? I don't I had a great weekend I went to the to a minor league baseball game. They made fun of me for I did something weird today I went swimming I haven't like I took swimming classes as a kid and I know I physically know how to swim

But I could only do like one length at a time and I was out of breath. I Ended up doing five Total but it took me like 30 minutes. I take breaks and my leg my legs almost collapsed in the pool I've never been that sore immediately during a workout, you know, it's swimming It's all form and that's what people don't realize with everything When you really come to think about it in so much form but swimming like lift like power lifting It's all a form where you're gonna hurt yourself. I always tell people you're getting the power lifting or kettle bells Do it the first time with some of you who really knows them and could watch you

So you don't hurt yourself because once you hurt yourself with those with swimming. I did the same thing. I Wasn't gonna get locked up. I wanted to be in the best shape I could be in right and I went to a fucking swimming class and I thought I knew what I knew and I didn't know dick And it took her like six weeks to reteach me how your legs have to be straight Your hips have to be up a little bit because your legs have to be on top of the wall These are all things that require strength and you have to develop that strength over time I have to happen in one day. I have the same weakness on the front I my left doesn't barely goes up. My right goes up like a champ

You have to get a kickboard a paddle board and hold on to okay, and just do 20 minutes of kicking That's it. That's what they're gonna give you in that class for the first two weeks They're just gonna kick kick for 20 and then put the fucking buoy between your legs and pull and pull and pull and Pull and do all this shit and work on the mechanics Because the mechanics of the swim when you raise your right hand It's not that you raise your head and toughen your neck muscles. Okay, that's not what they want you to do They want you to stay loose in the water Okay, so as you're swimming

Boom the left goes over but when the right goes over you turn with the right not pick up But turn with the right and then exhale as you go in You have two exhales and then pull up again, and that's all mechanics that you have to work It's a so you have to work your upper body right and then you have to work your lower body And then put them together and the breathing and the breathing and like that's that like that was one of your main Reasons for starting jiu-jitsu and like I'm just realizing now with everything every workout that I've ever done breathing has always been in a Breathing controls everything about the belief spoke about it boss Rootin speaks about it Alberto crane speaks about it. Hega Machado speaks about it. The other

the Gracie speaks about it with the With the with the kind of yoga with the drum that the Santa Claus looking motherfucking teaches the flame of death the breath of death and all that stuff They all talk about how breathing controls everything because when you get scared right away your breathing goes up and you can't control your breathing If you control your breathing you control everything and that's what I wanted to force myself to do When I walked in those doors. Well, I found out I had the deficiency and it really bothered me So I wanted to work on that how to get the most out of each breath when I do the drill classes over there, right? I usually Work on my breathing like each movement. I think about it. I don't just drill I

Move to how I want to breathe So I practice it. Do you is there like a breathing technique like it when you move a limb? Do you breathe a certain way you breathe your hip escape, you know a certain thing? So I always work on my breathing to get the most out of my breathing so my body gets used to it Very breathing breathing is everything and then with swimming your body has to be Non-muscular your body has to be soft Because the harder your body is The harder it is gonna be to breathe like anything else

So if your shoulders are tight It's gonna be hard to breathe So your body has to really be like spaghetti if you look at the good swimmers sit there and look at the good swimmers that go back and forth They're not even breathing heavy Because their muscles are very relaxed You don't think they're doing anything, but they're actually pulling their technique is so good You know when you do a breaststroke like this one here when your hand goes down it goes down like a missile Okay, your hands just have going down your hands going in like a missile and you're pulling that water

So when you're going down Look how your water goes look how your hand goes, and I'm sure I'm not doing that You're pushing so all these little things, but that all comes in practice, right? You can't just watch that on TV and jump in the fucking water, and then they teach you the mechanics of it And then you'll see how your oxygen doubles in the pool once you get over that hurdle you'll go holy shit Mike cardio. No, no, no, you just cleaned up all the fat off the fucking steak You just took all the fat of movement you were wasting movement That's all swimming is and

And in using I guess your power so you don't have to do as many strokes that it or breathing. Yeah Yeah, so You're you're cupping your hand a certain way so when your hand Goes into the water. Mm-hmm. It's actually going through the water and as you're going you're pulling So all those movements are working together at the same time your feet are kicking Your feet are kicking the whole time. This is why it's swimming is two parts This is why they'll break it down into two parts for you. They'll break it down to the lower part Well, you're just going and pull just pull for fucking 20 minutes

For the first week if they know anything about anything They'll just have you hold on to the wall and kick for a whole week for a whole fucking week Oh, so you learn how to float your body will automatically teach itself how to float above So your hips will be a certain way so you'll kick naturally Because that's going to be the clink it you'll see that all of a sudden you're asked for you to kick Naturally how they want you to kick your knees have to be slightly bent just slightly But the whole time you're kicking And it's slightly bent. You're not splashing

You're kicking big difference. You're not going Right yours a lot of people do that Oh, yeah, they've been doing it for 20 fucking years, okay, that's their style, you know You're just moving through the water when you see a shark move one of those things move They're not moving with all this water against water They're moving with the water and that's what you become you become like you're moving with the water Are they oh, yeah, exactly. Especially since I'm so big it's hard to move that much with it And all I kept thinking about was how amazing

Like when you hear about like the Diaz brothers who do triathlons where they have to run bike and swim It's tremendous. I can't even it's tremendous Before I got locked up. Let me tell you something when I got sentenced They asked to see if I could they asked To see if I could get a continuance if I could stay out a few days And the main thing I was going to do was go apologize to that swim teacher Because I just stopped going to a class the day I got sentenced I went to that class

For about nine months before I got sentenced wow and I went to that class in the winter Like I joined that class like in august And I stuck it out All through the fucking winter when it snowed I would still go how many days a week were you swimming three? Wow mondays wednesdays and fridays And then that summer that I got sentenced august 15, but that july I did my first buy athlete event No way where I had to ride a bicycle for two miles, which is nothing

Right and had to swim for a mile and I can't lie. I didn't finish the mile swim That's I don't even I can't even imagine it was my first one. So I wasn't really prepared for it I didn't know you had a I didn't know the nutrition part of it Just nutrition part of it and I got knots in my stomach and That's it. You know, but it was interesting. I didn't finish it, but it was interesting Yeah, I can't I don't even know like I could barely do a length I don't even know what a mile is that took nine months to accomplish

I was always riding my bike my ex-wife had a What do you call those big bikes with the ties a beach mountain bike? Oh, yeah beach coma I always had a beach coma for some reason And I always rode it to hurt some back They had they really had a bike trail that you had all day and it was off the car lane So I didn't mind riding my bicycle to hurt some back there Because it was not on the street and you'd ride it even in the snow. Oh on the snow. They picked me out. Okay. They picked me out Jesus

That's uh, yeah, so I'm just having fun doing it. There's no I'm just trying to do different things Well, we're talking about, you know how it took me 50 fucking years to learn this but Everybody's body is different and everything works differently for everybody Yoga might not work for you, but it works for me Pilates might work for you, you know, that's what's great about this That's why I love group on

Because if you're interested in something You could always just go to group on for 30 bucks You spend 30 bucks on beers Easily, yeah, you know, what's 30 bucks on you want to try it Try the fucking place if it doesn't work for you move the fuck on What have you tried have you tried to look at that? I know you did some jiu-jitsu's on there from group on I did a couple jiu-jitsu's I went to A cupping thing when dr. Amy was out of the country I went to a guy took a cupping from there. No needles just cupping

What does that do? I've seen that around cupping is good for your blood like it moves your blood your circulation Yeah, I keep seeing everyone doing that the tape and then I did something else. Oh, I got my toenail Burnt from whatever You get the fucking you get the blowtorch to kill the fungus in your nail Up in Sherman Oaks. I got it. I got it through there for Christmas I showed my wife and she got it for me. I got a lot of stuff from group on A lot of stuff, you know, I can't remember I got that one the first time I went to hegan I got it from group on

It was like 10 sessions for 30 bucks. He wants fucking He wants like 250 a class Right. Oh, yeah, so I got a group on I don't give a fuck. I have no shame No, no, I fuck no No, that's what it's for for people to try your thing you put it on there and let me tell you some They have restaurants on there They got a ton of stuff on there tons you could go on group on for fucking hours if you want There's actually a thing it's funny that you said restaurants this thing like some girls like oh, I won't

I don't like it when I won't go on a date with a guy if he brings like a group on to a restaurant I can't imagine I would never take a date to a group on anyway I'm talking about if you and me are gonna go eat something I'll go on group on and go. What the fuck you have you been nearly no me neither All my friends say is good, but it's expensive and I got a group on if you go Tuesday and Thursday between six and eight That means they're dead. That means they want you in there, right? But you wouldn't do it for a date Why no because you don't want to you know, you want to look like you're fucking You're not a cheap fuck

There's little things that people do That make you look like a cheap fuck That'll drive a woman crazy a woman wants security and here you want to play it cheap without security in the beginning There's no cheapness and security in the beginning in the beginning if the tab is 20 you'll even a $10 tip Because you're trying to impress this woman Or even a five dollar tip You know it shows that you care it shows that You you're cool with women. Oh, I'm a big tipper, but I like when I was broke. Yeah, I don't know

I don't I guess I didn't see a problem with it You don't want to take a fucking group on on your first fucking day to your first two dates Yeah, maybe not the first day I guess you say at the table, you know what man I've been and then crack a joke like why I've been single for so long. I've been eating group on dinners and she's like, oh my god, so am I Maybe we should get a group on for two. Yes. Let's do it and beat the system. Okay Now you found yourself for half a month just like you

That's gonna go out into a meant fucking way this Because even if you get a group on at a restaurant, right, I always leave the tip to make up the difference Oh and like what it would have cost. Yeah, like you try to leave the tip to make up the difference Yeah, that's why I always feel bad for like denny's waiters Because at most the tip is gonna be four or five dollars So I have no idea how they make money Denny's let me tell you something Those waiters at denny's over here up the corner, right?

Have you been how many times you've been in that denny's? 20 times. Okay. And one thing you'll notice that it's all the same waiters Yeah, and the last five years that you've been going in there to be honest to you six of those waiters have been there longer than 10 years You know widely They make money there They make a ton of money over there. You think so? I know so My friend Jesse works over there. He's been there for years He goes to more laker games

In one season that you and I have been here. How do you think he does on a waiters salary? They get paid at denny's they make they get tips Plus it's high fucking volume I guess it's high volume a lot of work a lot of work But they make bank over there the one spanish girl with all the teeth She's been there 20 years the chubby japanese girl. That's very sweet. She's been there for 20 years. Jesse's been there for like 11 It's a fucking really weird thing They went there. They put their fucking sunglasses on their their eye shades and they blocked out all the bullshit

And they outlasted all the fucking people who went Through there, you know, I went to buy a car last week and I went to Subaru And I brought my car up there and I traded it in the lease and I got The new crossfit whatever the fuck it's called I got a little back now to put my daughter's toys back there I could put my jujitsu bag in there that doesn't leak. I don't have to put it in the back seat and it smells smelly or whatever But while I was at the Subaru place

Fuck I forgot what I was gonna tell you. Yeah, just uh loyalty. I think customer will look a relationship Oh, what the fuck are we talking about here? I went over to the Subaru place And it's my sick car That I've gotten from them. So it's it's a real fucking fast deal Like it's really fast. But when I was sitting there Jesus christ, I gotta stop smoking pot with you. I'm a bad influence. I'm sorry Jesus christ I hate this shit when you're mind on the thoughts right there and all of a sudden you

You you you look up and the thought just fucking disappears, you know what I'm saying I deal with it three times a day with this stuff really it just goes immediately with weed It's amazing how it can be there for eight minutes. And then as soon as you want to say it's gone The other I was thinking of a joke in the middle of the night. I went to Ryan and I fucking forgot From my bedroom to the office. I forgot the fucking joke. I sat in the hallway for 10 minutes in shock I go I remember all the dumb shit in my life But I can't remember a good joke I read in the fun and I wrote it took the mask off I shoot it to myself three fucking times

Walked into the fucking living room. So my sneak is dead. I go damn I gotta move these things because I don't want the baby to fall on them. Oh, no By the time I got to the fucking office. I forgot the goddamn joke Motherfucker motherfucker is right. Do you have to keep a pad in your bedroom now or something? Well, I got no lights in there So I can't turn the fucking line on and wake my wife up and tell the whole hold on one second I just thought of a fucking stupid joke because some shit like that because she wouldn't uh wouldn't fly No, she wouldn't fucking fly

That makes sense. So anyway, is this Subaru? Huh Subaru. I like it. It's a great car. I'm happy. I got it I forgot what the fuck the trainer thought was all together. Okay You know, I was thinking about when I started selling cars like the the girl who gave me the car and shit like that There's times I'm like fuck comedy. Fuck the podcast I'm gonna quit all this shit and get a job selling Subaru's and I'm like, I better rethink that shit You know, they sell cars up there, but it's not what it used to people come in there They know the prices. They know the homework

The the consumer is fucking educated to never now with the internet If the if the people are smart they go on the internet and get the payments they want with the down payment I mean, it's a complete different game So you have to sell volume also You know, the only thing that you make money with is the use cars because a use car is what you'll pay for it That's pretty much the basic with the use car. Oh, that's what I'll make you pay for it. That's why we use cars. There's no addendum There's always there's always four thousand dollars in them and that price won't tag If you really think about it, you could really rock with a use car

But if a dealer is good, they'll take a use car They'll buy it over book because it's clean and they'll put 500 into the car to make it look brand new So they've got some money in the fucking car sometimes. So you really never know And it was in I was so shocked just as someone buying a car That there's really not like a price difference between used and new now It just depends on what level you want to go. I've been on some lots where they use cars with more expensive than the new car How does that happen because they have to put a profit on it And the people don't even look but they'll say do you know what it's 17 now? Let's say there's a new

Let's say there's a new Nissan something for 15 999 sticker. I've been to use car lots with that same car a year earlier It's like the model from the year before that was a demo right and now they're asking a thousand dollars more than that car Because that's how they trick you They say that you see we had to pay more for this one Then they'll get you to get can you imagine if somebody comes in and pays 15 999 for that car the year before Do you follow me? So there's a lot of profit in that car. They stole that car. It's a demo It's got miles on it in the whole goddamn thing

Oh, okay So so is it a scam really because like it's not a scam. It's just a psychological move I like I went to like a scummy Will you use car dealer my first car? It was like a An abandoned lot with a trailer on it and my car. It was terrible. It was a $2,000 car. Oh, yeah buy here pay here Yeah, exactly. You have to show up every Friday and make a payment and shitting. Hopefully they won't take your car back No, I just paid it all in cash. Oh my god, man. Sam's me at those car lots make a lot of money I used to make a lot of money. I worked at one of those I got fired after three weeks

But those three weeks I was there. I made like fucking four grand or something Jesus, have you seen that video? I don't know where it is. It's this black guy who's running a car lot But it's like all beaters car. She's like, I don't want to hear about the radiator in three weeks I don't care about this. Like it's just you're buying just listen. You're buying a car Some people want a car for a house We think a house always gets you in a car gets you fucking two seats a broken glass And a headlight with fucking tape on it, but that's what you could afford And that's what you need. You just need a car to get your back and forth

When I first started commie on the triple runs I got myself a Datsun b210 With air conditioning and amf and cassette. What was I don't need power windows. I don't need no that shit I just need four tires and four brakes. Isn't that the one that the body split in half though? A couple times a couple of things happened to that car I guess that's what happens How how fun how much fun do you have driving all over the country? I mean, I know you were working and I know you were probably broke

But it just seems like like so much fun just to get to like drive around the country We talked about this on the show a few weeks ago. I'm very fortunate That I got to know every nook and kip cranny. You have no idea when you drive 70 percent of it Like you figure you really get to see the country you get to see different people You get to eat different fucking foods Some of them just got awful and some of them just tremendous For dirt cheap you get to meet Personalities, you know in different places

I've been to army bases. I think it was fantastic. Do I remember? 90 percent of the people I met no No, there's times I think of certain people that I've met and I go, I wonder where the fuck they are now, you know and those 20 those those from 94 To you know 98 that it was an adventure comedy I look at it now and I make outlines to write the book and shit

And I'm like, I'm pretty fucking weird how I stuck it out those years You don't think most comics would stick being on the road for four straight years out It wasn't that I was on the road Had to do with the road. It was what I was doing while I was on the road what I was going through the divorce Being homeless being in prison. I was in jail not prison. I was in county jail in seattle for a month That pissed off a few people, you know, they made a few people stop hanging out with me a few people stopped booking me as a comedian You know, most people would have given up and I'm just like I don't give a fuck

It's just a bump in the road. I knew other comics that had that problem You know, I knew a lot other comics that had problems also and uh That made me feel like I was all right like I wasn't you know at that time it wasn't like today. There's no comics who have problems There's nobody who's got an alcoholism problem. There's nobody you read about in the paper anymore that gets arrested that There's nothing like that arty lang got arrested a few weeks ago, but that's now before that he had been fine for years I'm talking about you know When I got into comedy

There was five guys on the road That every week you wouldn't know if they were going to show up or not Really and they took a booked. Yeah, they were selling tickets But there were drunks or druggies or both You know, you didn't know if these guys you knew you knew if they were going to show up Thursday But if they go out Thursday night and get fucked up, you didn't know if there was going to be a show on Friday There was five or six of those good fucking guys and I would feature for some of them And I would be on that party train with them. You know what I knew what they were doing and they knew what I was doing

Did you have like someone who put you through training or were you already? You eat your tongue, I don't know but your tongue is already through the roof Like when you started like really touring with comedy like did someone was there one comic who would do more coke with you? Or I don't know You know If you sit down And I'm telling you people this just so you know and so you know me There's not a lot of people that cook with me those days

Because I didn't like doing it out By that time you were already doing it at home. I was going home. I go home. I do two bumps Maybe a bump if you were driving And I keep it cool till I got home You know, I got home I got high with Tom Rhodes a few times in houston till late in the middle of the night You know I got high at coaching horses a couple nights with josh wolf josh wolf tonight You know josh wolf saw me in my worst situations

You know, he saw me a couple times at six in the morning and shit like that But uh Headliners, I would get it with them do a bump with them and then they would go their way and I would go mine Fuck was that was that lonely or are you just prefer? No, that's how I preferred it I didn't want to go out around 10 people anyway because I couldn't take the music Doing the coke talking to people Listening you got cotton mount people want to ask you questions People want to get political there was a phase with and there was something like even houston like I used to go to houston texas

And just go crazy for two weeks Like if I was going to die, I would have died in houston I would have died in bowmont. I would have died in uh, miami I would have died in austin. There was a lot of cities. I went to purposely with the intent to get high Not even on the like with comedy is a crazy thing. Here's the craziest thing of all Till the age of maybe 32 or 33 when I started comedy You know something came out this week that was really weird That I had a feeling about not that I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I had a feeling about but

If I heard it it wouldn't have shocked me Well, Wednesday morning, I woke up and they said that Um TMZ reported that chris cornell had needle marks on his arm You know his wife said he was slurring You know, he went up to detroit They got that harrowing up there. That's killing motherfuckers, you know, uh

Maybe he was on the road for a few days You know remember you have to get high like three days in a row and harrowing to get hooked Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, it took a couple days or something like that I don't know what the real number is and maybe he had hit that number or he had hit a few days in a row and now You know, you never know. I don't know but I was thinking about my behavior At the time that I went to prison and for two or three years after I got out of prison And it was years even after that And it was that every time things got good

I put a roadblock upon myself and fucked them up Like every time I was on the road to something good I would fuck myself up You know, it's like a it's a continuing inner thing that people have That they don't even know they're doing They don't even know they're doing they just do something to fuck it up And once somebody gives you an opportunity for three weeks, you're good And then one week you snap and you fuck it up. You crashed a car. You go to jail, you know

heroin seems like the one that like just It doesn't matter again. Like I was just thinking of philip seymour hoffman like it just these people like I don't know you don't assume that the the people the stars of of the of movies and and the biggest Sanger ever or one of them is gonna be on heroin It just doesn't seem I don't know because I think what you're saying how like when you're growing up musicians were on heroin I don't know as many are today. You know, I don't think

You know, there's a lot of explanations as people are just misguided And then there's people who really have a pain And listen, nobody even more than me understands that pain But you don't want to chase your to chase that pain your whole life Like I was fucking hooked on coke, man. I had a fucking bad problem You know

And what I'm saying this is because my mind was hooked Okay, and for people who listen to the podcast and know what I'm talking about you understand when your mind is hooked When 65 percent of your thought process It's about getting high or who you're gonna get high with or what broad you're gonna take home and eat a rass when you got Coke rocks and It's just ridiculous. It's just ridiculous. But that's what I mean Was I doing it at a daytime? No, was I doing it before comedy shows? No But at night I was five nights a week

I didn't know how much I was gonna do. It was always a different number some nights. I'd do a gram and go to bed But I never really had control of it I you know, I wanted to fucking stop I stopped. I don't know how there's a thousand fucking explanations but Right now I'm gonna be sober from cocaine 10 years And look at all the good things that have happened in 10 years If it wasn't for mercy, I think in like three years I would go on a road one night

Meet some chicken do a couple lines and fucking end up fucking jacked up. No, you think? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I know for a fact because it's human nature It's human nature. Not that I've ever thought I have this animal controlled or I don't even think about it that way When I gave up cocaine, I gave up cocaine I gave up cocaine. I gave up everything that came with it. I gave it up. There's no itching for it There's no what would it be like if I went to a bar and got a package. I just don't have that thought There's only one person who can make me relapse and that's k quickly and even then I think twice If k quickly put a coke rock in her asshole, I'd have to fucking play dice

You'd have to call your your sponsor. I have to roll the dice one time No, um It's just weird that I don't even think that way like but there's people So everything was going great for chris court now Everything was going great a family a great music career His artistry level was at an all-time fucking high you know

I used to you know, I saw this documentary one time about sam kennison the explanation they had was That you're so high when you get on stage That you still want that high That's why you continue to fucking do drugs, you know With philip seamal Hoffman and all those guys listen You live right there in the east village wherever the fuck you live in new york and that shit surrounds that area You know, I when louis gomez was here in the end that I spoke about heroin and he looked at me in shock As a child I was always very scared of heroin

I grew up with a personal connection to hate fucking heroin for some reason or another so To me it was something that you shine your body, but I really wanted nothing to do with And I can't even imagine the needle part of it and then over the fucking years um You know once Once I snorted thc crystal aka angel dust

I broke that I broke my moral code that I had with myself It was okay to do acid. It was okay to do mescaline It was okay to smoke pot. It was okay to drink But I was gonna put nothing on my nose Once I put thc crystal up my nose when I was 15 years old I broke my spirit like that broke that spirit Even though I hated cocaine cocaine was gonna follow

My mother died maybe a week or two after I tried cocaine The funny thing is when I was sick yesterday I was forced to watch tv Okay, and I realized how bad different tv was but I watched the last 24 hours of Whitney Houston's daughter You know the autopsy And I was thinking about what they were saying and listen When you When your mother is the biggest thing in the world to you, which mothers always are never mind her being Whitney Houston and taking you around the world and

Uh, and your and that sibling dies you have a huge hole in your soul for years and for There's a little time period deep in your psyche That you you wish you were dead The biggest thing in your life is dead. How do I know from personal experience? You know when I was 17 I went to a party And I ate some koi ludes and drank and snorted some coke. I really fucking went deep The people woke me up and they couldn't they kept thinking they were gonna call the ambulance, you know

And I always think of that that specific night how I woke up from that night. I go maybe I was telling myself a message because at that time in my life I was living my life. I was enjoying myself around my friends But I was fucking hurting man. I was fucking hurting same thing with chris cornell. It's always the outside looks great I was hurt. I mean I was dying inside By that time I was going home at night and before I would go to where I was staying I would walk up to my old house And just look at the windows and see if maybe she went home and

She didn't call me, you know, it was just a psychological fucking fight that I was doing nobody understands unless you've been through this, you know So I was why looking at this fucking Whitney Houston's daughter and I'm like Jesus Christ. I was there, you know I had that hole in my heart. I'm just very lucky that You know, I didn't but You know, one of the best times in my life was So one of the best and worst times in my life Was after my mother died

The best? I got to really experience people I learned I was learning something that most people don't learn to their Way out of high school and maybe in college And when my mother died, I started experiencing people, you know, at the lowest common denominator like these were people that uh Were my friends and now they become my brothers And I was having a great time hanging out with deity come terror at that time At that time, you know, it started at school

And we walked home together or he went to wrestling practice and I went home and hung out and did what I did and put money together To get a package that night and I team up with him about seven seven thirty And we'd fucking go out and do something machivious every night We always listen three four nights a week me and him made money At 15 at 15 and he was maybe 14 When I was 16, maybe he was 14. Did you both have shifts at the local grocery store? No, no, no, no, nobody had a job here either We would do whatever we could we would help his brother with a fucking Stealing tires we would you know, we did something we looked out for the devil

You know, we would go do something with mike denny and we look out down by the ships Me and him always did fucking something you were a lookout duo Like you would be like a team like a team and he didn't give a fuck. He did anything We were robbing freaky freddy. We were fucking We were robbing j. Harren's son Of fucking cans of tomato paste and selling them for the small nickel like 20 dollars for the case It was 80 brand new. I mean, you know, but listen five cases 100 fucking bucks That that was a grandma coke

And fucking the six pack in those days Do you understand man? We could do that every day at that age So you could go to your one of your neighbor's houses and knock on the door and be like, hey Mrs So so we have tomato paste. No, no, j. Harren's son Was down the corner from herman the spring store All right Herman and his wife ran the bodega

He used to make Cuban steak sandwiches out of there all day long on the grill in 1975 But i'm in 1979 I would go to j. Harren's son and I had worked at j. Harren's son I worked at j. Harren's son for like six months j. Harren's son was uh A warehouse and half of it was frozen And then I worked on that white rose for a while white rose. It was all frozen frozen food frozen food How much ice cream did you steal? None damn a seafood bitch. Oh, okay. Why take the ice cream when you got the lobster tails in the backseat? The amateur jew goes for the fucking amateur shit. Why take pennies and you could take dollars?

Fair enough. I didn't know there was two of them that I was aware of there was j. Harren's son Which was in north bergen, new jersey and that was I started I started there Uh my sophomore year I didn't play football. I was gonna play basketball and there was an opening there. They paid 650 an hour And it was just picking out his and then loading him on the truck It was me lewitt and nigger. They've they grew as Chuckie McBreen. It was our whole mckinley. We all went there after school and they signed all of us

Like my whole little crew from mckinley because we all live close to there And I'll never forget that I had a crew of 15 year old loading trucks Oh, it was a bunch of us with two and they had two brothers gary and something else And it was me john bender a bunch of us worked at gary harren's son And I'll never forget that one afternoon. I went there stoned And I had a what's these things when you push them? Uh a handcart. Yeah a handcart And what you do is you go up to the boxes And you pull the boxes out and then you pull the boxes over and put the handcart in right and you push it to the trucks

And then there'd be somebody right there in the truck and they hold on to the thing while you pull the handcart Well fair enough. Yeah, so you could get it out with the box. You could get out with the boxes So I would I would load the trucks when they go go get you know 10 cases of tomato paste or 10 cases of whatever it was all restaurant supplies, but in Metal things, you know like these things there was four in a case. Okay, so do you understand me? They would have all this in the cases and then they would have the freezer thing where you needed clearance to go in there That's where your fried shrimp or That's where all those little foods you like were oh the dumplings the dumplings all that type of shit. We're in there

So one day it's about we used to work Four to nine That's it Five hours when you're in fucking high school. I guess when you're lifting stuff too is going to be hard work So fucking $30 times five That's 150 a fucking week that's 600 a month you're living like a doctor in high school All for that money. I lasted like I don't know a couple days. That's That's

That's that's what I was spitting blood. They put me in the hospital But let me get to my fucking story here. I'm taking this the card in I got the four cases of whatever that's heavy I'm pull I'm pushing it to the truck. Boom. I hit the lump I get on the truck The guy comes over in this case of Louis Hernandez aka Louis the nigger. He comes over I put the card down And we can't get the thing out. I'll never forget this Louis had an afro So Louis put his Louis went to pull the cart

And he had his head in the thing and the cases fell back And the cart and his head got stuck But here's the beauty when I got Louis out of there You can see the imprint in his afro From where the metal had gone through all the way So his afro Was from here from his ear to maybe on top of his ear and then it was like Three inches it was fucking classic. He couldn't write this. He looked at me and said what happened. I've been

The thing just locked. I mean it was I thought he was dead Jesus he lived I laughed because you know me. I'm a sick fuck. It's amazing that this place ever Recovered from having guys work there all those those guys worked there for years I went into the hospital and then when I got back my job was filled So I got pissed off, but I knew That they did something weird They would stock the the the

The at the morning people If they ran out of work, they would stock The dock with early orders So when the truck pulled up all they had to do was roll those in Got they already had the paperwork on the board right next to the truck So I knew this so I knew that if you went there at 132. Oh my gosh There was always cases on the thing Me and Dee Dee used to cause havoc in that neighborhood. Do you understand me?

We knew all the ins and outs to all the places. Did you ever steal like an entire restaurant's order for the day? Like How much did he take? I don't know Lee. I don't know in those days. It was like Fresh produce and shit. We would clip two three boxes and we run them right up the corner to this pick store He would give us an envelope. We throw in throwing two steak sandwiches and two sodas And that was it and we took that money and we ran that was our own private neighborhood there There was a couple drug dealers we nailed There was uh an appliance store that we had clipped one time Because they loved they left that fucking warehouse shit in the back. How dear they all those little businesses were always in danger around that

15 years old you were like a duo of of death There was a guy that would give us money to bring him sod dust every week. What because he had a transmission shop So he'd give us 50 a week not only did we steal but we hustled too. Where do you buy? Where do you steal sodas from the lumber yard? We go lumber yard. Just tell me one fucking sod dust Come on Lee. You got to be fucking creative here, but that's what me and him did Him and I I don't know how he did it till this day. No car. No car Everything was done on foot Everything was done on foot. How we were kids. Don't even fucking ask me

But the classic story was It was the summer Of 80 It was a summer in 1980 It's fucking hotter than hell Me and Dee Dee hanging out and you know what by the summer of 80 The realization that my mother was dead. It was now a realization. It was like nine or ten months And every night the sadness would come over me a little bit more every night, you know, like just in a weird way

And one of the stories I told on uh On Ari Which turned out to be a funny story and some people got pissed off at me But it was a very true story was that You know, like me and Dee Dee were this team That we hustled so much And in those days we weren't really like house burglars at all. We never would even dream of robbing somebody's house But if there was a drug guy we would rob the house or try to pull something kinky

But like I said me and Dee Dee always had our eyes open And when they were walking down the fucking street dog Walking down the fucking street And right there like you can't like like what are we gonna do for cash? I don't fucking know. What do you think? I don't know an awesome like what is that crate right there? And we just walked up to it like it could have been anybody's crate We just walked up to it And there was like an ottoman in there whatever people call that autobahn

Autobahn like a chair. No, no, no, no like a thing that you put Dishes in and shit. Oh, okay. I'm more or something. I'm more whatever the fuck it is And there was no bottom piece for it And me and Dee looked at him like what the fuck this is nice And we're like, who the fuck would buy this? What are we gonna do with it? Where are we gonna take this? Do we take this back to the benders? Do we take this to your house? I mean either way we're fucking hoofing It's a three-block walk either fucking way

And I look up the fucking corner and that dude Gunter Brown lives there and this was Right down the block. We found this in the alleyway of jahar and sun pretty much Like that was a truck area And it just fell off the back of the truck like no, no, no that was also a place where they did elevators Like an elevator tool and dye company was there or some shit when we were growing up We never robbed them. They had nothing to rob. We didn't know what the fuck a tool or dye was so

uh We found this thing and I go, what the fuck are we gonna do with this and it was The block where the denny's lived and the fucking McNeils and the fucking garcias and And the jansons and all these families lived on this block and I'm like, what the fuck am I gonna do with this thing? I go, Dee Dee, I got it. Let's take it the gunter's house because gunter collected beetle stuff All right, so we fucking picked this thing up. We walk it like 50 yards It's fucking humid. It's hot

Like that's that's what made me remember this because it's I was sweating I'll never forget we went to gunter's house. He opens the door with his fucking robe on You know higher than fuck and he's like, what's up guys? And we're like, don't we know you're a beetle fan. We hate the body We know that you look for stuff all the time. We like to sell you this He's like, what the fuck did you guys get this we go by that time? We just took it out of the crate and just started walking with it down the street like we were moving men And then no one was like, hey, where do these teenagers now one person. Oh, we walked at the gunters We went up and he goes I'll take it for sure. What are you guys looking to get and we're like a hundred. He's like 80

and I'm like done Couldn't even been 60. We're like done. We don't give a fuck. This just gets us a half a gram of coke That's all we're looking to get a half a gram of coke. We put the beer together. We'll get the weed together We could do a half a gram of coke for 50 fucking bucks The only problem was it was the afternoon gunters like I got something going on here Can you come back at about seven o'clock at night? And I'm like, yeah, we'll come back. It was none of that wheel just one of you It was you come back

No offense deity. I go. No, no offense. That was it Me and deity. I'm not the rest of the day and that I went to gunters brown's house I went over there. He invites me in. He still has the robe on. He's drinking First off, this is chicken. She's fucking gotta be 60 She's all beat up on heroin and he's telling me if you go to the bathroom and take a shit She loves to blow guys when she's When you're on the toilet, that's the thing and I'm like, no, no, no. No, thank you. I go. Gee, man. I'm cool Just let me get the cash

And let me go to deities and those days lee it was 1980 When somebody offered you a line of cocaine, right you took it There was no ends it's Buts about it. Everybody was such a dead beat for cocaine those days And anybody who did give you a line You took it It could be two in the afternoon. It could be eight in the morning It could be 11 o'clock at night in 1980 when somebody offered you a bump

You took it because if you went to somebody and said you're not gonna believe what happened Steve Simone offered me a bump. Yeah, that everybody there was only go you fucking asshole You had a chance to do coke. It was 1980 Nobody really knew what it was so everybody wanted to do it But nobody had the hundred dollars to pay for it Okay, you follow me. So you're gonna say yes, so you say yes all your rules go out the window All your rules go out the window in 1980. So I go fuck. Yeah at that time I did coke I do a line of coke. He offered me a drink. I got nine. I gotta go

How old is Gunther Brown? At this time Gunther's probably 33 34 He's got a robe on he listened to guitar playing from Black Sabbath. He's got the same mustache The same type of devilish hair And then he put music on Like I don't know what the first song was he put on But then in the middle of all this endless love I don't know what the fuck he put on he put on like he was like a beetle fan

and then in the middle of all this he goes fuck it And he goes have you ever done heroin? And right there like my heart stopped Like I didn't want to do heroin, but I wanted to do heroin. Oh Jesus like at that point in my life. I don't know. I was sad Deep down inside. I had a job. I had money. I was having a fun time, but I missed my mother This should have lived with people and stuff as nice as the benders were It was just rough on me. So I said, you know what Gunther Brown?

Give me a lot of that shit Even then you you wouldn't do the needle No, no at that point a needle in the room I wouldn't even stick around at least now I stick around. I just looked the other way It's like ranch on the table for you. Yeah, I just turned around in those days A needle I couldn't even deal with it. Fuck okay a needle I couldn't even deal So he offered he offered you he was he was snorting it too. Okay. He was snorting it too So that was it. I I did a little he goes do one see what you think and then do another one

I'll never forget. He looked at me goes and if you get sick run to the bathroom. I go sick I was like Lee sciatica. Why would I get sick? Yeah, that's uh Like when you were saying you gave you sold it just for a gram of coke It made me think about like it was essentially a pawn shop like a pawn shop deal And it's sad that like people are so willing to give up like 60 of what it's worth Just to get like just because they know that'll get them some drugs

No, no, no, no See on the east coast in certain neighborhoods everybody knows That there's a guy in the neighborhood and it wasn't me. I'm just saying okay. Got you everybody knows that there's a guy in the neighborhood That could help you out with stuff if you need a tv if you need a washer dryer Everybody neighborhood in the east coast has them from boston All the way down to fucking philadelphia. Okay, there's a guy that knows a guy that knows a guy And what that means is That you know what maybe you get something 50% off

In a box You just can't send in the warranty. Oh, no, no I'm talking about like if you were gonna go sell that washer dryer and then like We'll give you 50 bucks for and it's worth 400 or whatever there. No, no, no But what you do is you already know it's the it's 200 going in Like I don't know what that thing was worth. We just walked down the street and bumped into it You know I'm saying I just bumped into 60 100 bucks If you think I'm gonna walk the thing home and then take the numbers off it

And call around and get the retail price In those days there wasn't an enter that late So it wasn't that easy to look prices up and to fucking and see what see you just got what you could There was plenty of times I went to pawn shops and things like that now You know when I was scamming jewelry was 800 an ounce in 1980 check it and see for gold for gold. It was 800 an ounce 850 an ounce What the wait for gold was in 1980? 80

Uh Yearly high was 8 150 dollars and low is 474. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with 1980 when it was a 50. Oh my god And look at this 77 168 was the high And 79 it was 524 jumped In 1982 what was it? Let's see here In 1982 it went down a little bit to 488

And then 84 84 it went down to 4 85 it went down to 340 But then it started going up Oh my god In the last scene the last one on this charts 2015 and it's up to 1300 and now 1300 yeah Now you show up with a little fucking ring. They give you 500 Fuck

My dad was buying uh, it wasn't gold. He would buy quarters like for the silver Like we had barrels of quarters in our in our basement for a little bit because if they're made before a certain time they have Like a hunt they're made with mostly silver so like That the how much of your money was with gold Me yeah In those days I worked at rendal um, and there was a guy named boji It was a half a gangster

And then this day job was to buy gold. He got if he got their owner richie worderman Who was a crooked guy to give him a stand in that? And he would buy gold and I talked to him and he would tell me listen if you're gonna sell something This is the time So I had friends who had friends who had friends and you know whenever something they needed to be sold and there was no paperwork on it I slipped it to mr. Boji, but the most interesting thing was one time I found a fucking penny in a drill

And I put it in my pocket like you know when you put change in the drill and then you go back and take the change out You look through the change and there was like a weird penny And one time a rendal um, and I give the penny to mr. Boji mr. Boji what type of pennies he goes hold on one second And he gave back there was worth 480 Because you want it. Yeah, he gave me 480 dollars Jesus Christ like shit like that was happening in 82. Where's Tony better that? I want to be around To pick up the pieces

When somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart as I I Somebody who Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company I thought you were looking at the sugar foods That last rattle wasn't water

We just had a few more stars out of respect memorial day It's a 10 star fucking salute here on the church of what's happened now. These are the 125s. So don't get excited You know we could eat 35 of these things and not blink a fucking eye. You understand me. I'll never blink again It's funny this weekend I watched uh I'm telling you man being sick isn't fun, but I couldn't even focus on the internet Excuse me, I couldn't focus on writing I really couldn't focus on anything Except sitting there and and shaking and then two minutes later. I'd be fucking sweating and then I'd be shaking

But I watched viceland one night I watched an interesting one About sugar daddy's and it was crazy because I was breaking Becky's balls. You're obsessed with this topic You know, it was just on. Yeah, you know, it was just on. I'm judging you. I'm just it's you're interested in it It's no that we were just talking about it the one night And it's just it made me think because I dated a girl who went through that And I thought about they showed the girl having the conversation with a guy online

And by that guy talking I remembered how creepy my ex's Sugar daddy was You met him Oh, yeah, we have a half a fist fight But before that we used to talk on the phone and I

Would say to her how old is this guy? And she would say 50 something And I go doesn't this guy have kids? No, doesn't hasn't he been married? No, you know What does he do? And she goes he gets money from his family And he just hires women That's it. And he goes I was one of the women that He put me through school

What? So I'm watching this show and I I was breaking but Becky's balls one day about it. Becky doesn't have a boyfriend. She's fighting for her life So my Becky you're a good-looking chick get yourself an old guy and lick his balls once a month and get the small nickel or the small G-note Have him pay your rent and car payment you move on your fucking way, right? I didn't I forgot how creepy it was

And I forgot the guys that do it how creepy they are. I forgot I fucking forgot What are they like? I can't like just that first so you go to some website approach Yeah, the website looks easier now sign up and then you do like a skype And the guy talks to you on skype. He makes you get up and show him your body Now I thought it was the illusion and this is what they were examining on vice land that

The illusion was that a guy calls you up and says I'm gonna pay you five grand a month. I'm gonna come over and let your asshole on fire four times a month As a matter of fact take the pill to not have your period You know I'm saying because you don't know when I'm coming over. I'm dropping over like a fucking marine and apocalypse now You don't know when the fuck I'm showing up but no This place makes you pay by the move So if you go on a date with the guy and you want to fuck

It's like a flat, you know 600 or whatever And the two girls they talked to weren't that attractive But they were freaks I don't know. I didn't really ask about their personal sexual preferences These girls just wanted to be taken care of Now what do you have anything? Do you know anything about russian brides? I've always heard about that. They're here. It's fucking crazy because when I first moved here

One of the guys that took care of my company had a russian bride So they're real like you can actually like get a mail order bride. Yeah I don't know how he got his I can't really fucking spell it out. He got his okay I know he didn't get his true line Because they used him He sold his company and got a ton of fucking money I had a ton of money to burn and I guess the year before he had gone to russia

And I saw the russian women and he fucking He uh went on he He go he went to this guy here and the guy showed him pictures And he paid and they they flew the girl here and he married and made her a citizen And then she had big tits You guess what she did She divorced him and made her tits even bigger

And then about two years later This went down in 97 98 And then I stopped working with the guy and then I saw her in like 2004 And her tits were like past pornographic big Like she made them so big It was just absurd like when she was around you felt uncomfortable And in hollywood you even felt more uncomfortable And she was a good-looking woman, but nobody has that tits that big

And she showed up at the lab factory with a different guy and he had to be like fucking 70 Meanwhile, she's like 35 That I don't mean that like I don't know. I don't know who schedules him. I don't know anything about it. So don't you know No, but that's just a whole new thing like I guess it's not new just Women being able they live their whole lives just based off of their looks Which I mean I would do if I was a hot girl, but it seems it seems like a weird way to live your life

Like always be getting stuff from people Hey, listen, we're the ones that give them the stuff right absolutely We're the ones that give them the stuff So but I I know I feel weird sometimes when people try to give me things I wonder if they have that uh at all or third if it's just so ingrained in them No, I feel the same way, you know, I feel the same way when people give you stuff sometimes you don't know how to accept it I think Whitney Cummings had a whole story on that or a whole blog on that like she felt really insecure about it I think as a woman

I mean, I'm not a woman. I'm not a fucking woman. So I don't know where they even start It wouldn't even be for me to say this but If I'm around a woman that would mind paying for I feel like I ought to that's just me We I was talking about Groupon at the beginning, but I had a thing When I was dating a lot of that it made me uncomfortable to have girls pay And and now this is the first like real relationship where someone has been paid, but it took a while It's weird like the first. I don't know. I like the first especially the first day. You feel like you have to pay

I mean, I'm sure that relationship not everybody's fucking Theodore Roosevelt walking around with a bag for the fucking 50s in the beginning And after you guys settle in and explain to your girlfriend your situation. She understands you That's where the love and trust begins when she says, you know what? I don't care if you make 300 a week I still want to marry you, you know I want to help you go to school and be a better yourself or become a cop That's what those early relationships are about women who stick it out with you from the beginning You know Sorry, everybody has that

It's the guy that tells the wife and strings were long that he's a millionaire Then marries her and he makes this whole thing a house. She can't see his books No, you got to be honest with them You know, I mean, that's one of the white lies. You'll never get out of It's about telling them that you're something that you're not in that sense. I was a dentist. Nah I'm really a dental assistant You know Like that. I don't that's a whole another

Thing I don't understand is how someone could do something It happens all the time like like Finally find out that the principal gets fired because they they fake their the resume or just something weirdly I don't understand how people could Could do that. I mean, I guess before the internet you could get away with it But not now I faked my resume for 15 years, but it wasn't for High-level job. No No

Could I have done it and maybe got away with it? Yeah Yeah Because you gotta assume they don't check You have to assume they don't check I've never had like you have to assume. Maybe they'll call a personal reference Okay, yeah, but I mean When your friend know or what do you have to tell your 40 pull like the george just stands and like tell your friend to To be like, yeah, I know how to drive a forklift or

Yeah, I know how to like did you ever lie like that? Like, yeah, I have this certification or I think I lied once or twice when it came to work But if you look somebody in the eye and you go listen, bro, I don't know how to do that But I'm willing to learn. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they love it. They love it. So that's how I overcame that stuff I I used to drive the fucking high low man That's crazy. Is that a forklift a forklift? Okay And I used to put pallets on trucks and I would bang into shoes

I was fucking terrible and then I almost got put on like I almost got on I almost became a high low guy for a masonry company I worked with them for a while and they were like, why don't you and I thought about and then I got another job Where you had a shovel snowing up high low In colorado, remember I told you and the people would come and I wouldn't come out of the house I'd be so coked up I wouldn't leave the house and finally they fired me. I got my fucking jimmy members should be yanked But you had to sit in a

Whatever it is a high low and plow the streets plow the streets and it has like a little it's called something else Like a snow thing and it has like the bottom is that of a of a tank like a tank the way that Wheels spin around like that. It's not even with tires, but I drove all those. I can't believe I did I couldn't believe myself today. I still did no one ever trusted me with that stuff I Work hard so I didn't mind getting behind something learning how to fucking do it All right, that's why I always look at all these construction sites as I drive by I look at the masonry work I love to look at the scaffolding. I love to look at the masonry work and see how they fucking

I'm putting up the masonry every time I see pokemon Every time I see people laborers putting up Scaffolds I shit my pants. I stop what I'm doing for 10 minutes. I just watch them It's the most interesting thing It's the most interesting thing I ever did. I didn't have the balls to go on top of the third floor Like once they made me do the third floor and that's when I said hold on one second I gotta get something out of my car You couldn't just do that. Oh the first three floors and all all sides. Oh my god. It was after the third floor

That's it. I can't put a scaffold up. I can't be up there hanging like a monkey Would they would they give you something to lock into? Listen, I don't remember All I know is you hang up the first two pieces you put those fucking things in The things that you open up and then you click onto the sides and you screw those in Then you put a pipe across and then you keep doing that You keep doing the first level and then somebody gets up there and starts putting down two by tens Or two by 12 boards two by 12 two by two by 12 12s

So it's two by 12 inches 12 feet and you just put them down And also when you climb on top of those and somebody starts handing you those and you start putting those just like that Then you put those crossbars in them tick tick tick tick tick tick tick and you do that all the way down And then again the two by 12s and then you fucking that right there was when I said no no no no no no I could do the first two levels of two by 12s One time I built the scaffold with a dude that was like fucking 65 When I was 20 Okay, and 65 guys is conservative. Don't ask me what his name was don't I don't know nothing

I worked for him for maybe four months And it was one of the best jobs I ever had. He was one of the best bosses in the world because You know, he would tell me that he needed these things And I would do them for him and I would check on him every 10 minutes. He was fucking 60 something 70 years old He wouldn't even be anywhere close to the speed That I was but his workmanship He had been doing it so long only his people hired him because of his workmanship

He would sit there all day with fucking different machines and do shit And I learned a lot of those things from him But the first week of working with him we had to build the scaffold And he broke my rib What? Oh, yeah, he was a beast this guy. He was six for four. He threw that piece of wood up And clipped me in the rib on the way up He drove me to the hospital. He gave me a $200 raise Not a bad deal. No, but he built a three-story scaffold from wood. No metal. Wood

Wood You don't know what shit in your fucking pants is and he was built. He was sending me the wood up Climbing up there on a ladder and helped me fucking put it down. It was just me and him that day Would he reuse it every site or what do you know? We only did one job together We had to remodel the outside of four condos and their balconies That was it and it took us 14 months and it was tongue and groove wood Like a cider that we had to put in and it was tongue and groove

But he added some stuff to it and that's a man and we took I took the job like in august And we went all the way to christmas eve And he gave me a bonus and everything. He was a good dude When I robbed a jewelry store, I used that apartment as my cover When I tried to rob this jewelry store in fucking snowman's village. I used that. I used those apartment buildings Is where I had my tools and the change of clothing and all that stuff I had a broom outside so I could sweep all four fucking things It was amazing. That's what I used and I went in there and changed and then walked out the front door

And they if the cops stopped me and asked me what was I doing there. I went up there to plug the Because it was true. I used to have to go up there on sunday nights and plug the fucking uh The heater. No, there was something I had to plug in Oh the generator had to plug the generator and on sunday nights with the charge up for one day morning fuck That's what it was So I was going to use that as my excuse so I had to go pay in charge the fucking generator Let me give some shout outs. Yeah, I didn't give some shout outs. We're up this motherfucker. I'm only, you know, um

Yeah, yeah, that's what I used that fucking apartment. I just remembered that. Jesus christ minutes with mark and hands down sports poblo castro Trapper welton lj meg 715 Locomotive and meet the courts Like I told you motherfucking to begin. Don't forget. I'll be a flappers thursday night 730 working out with uncle joey series That's weekend. It's at flappers

Uh and the next thursday. I'm at fucking the brand prom thursday friday saturday Oh, shit where this whole movement started on wednesday nights the second wednesday of the month We used to do dirty night Hosted by joey dears at the brand prom and that's how this whole fucking movement started So put that in your pipe and smoke it bitches and did the year the priest was there. We did the year the priest there That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah a lot of a lot of history of brand prom So if you're not doing anything next weekend The uh 8th through the 10th, I think come on down bitches

I'll be there eating stars. It'll be fun. Yeah, you'll be captain fucking stars. Yeah. I forgot all about that fucking apartment I've had some interesting jobs, man I was 19 when I had that job and we did everything by hand Everything and I didn't know dick. I would just hand them the wood I would get lunch I would sweep I'd pick up the fucking wood parts at the end of the day I'd empty the trash and was it his business or was it his business? And he worked by himself and I had just come from quitting the job

And I was walking and he pulled over hey, man I'm looking for a helper construction anybody I go what kind of construction he told me basic carpentry We're building a scaffold at the top start you at this. I forgot it was a good salary. I go. Yeah, he goes be there tomorrow I'll try you out for two days Fuck After the two days, he told me to stick around. He told me to buy tools

What tools to buy? I know we've talked about how sometimes it would freak you out to think about doing something to your 65 Was I was there one or two of them that you think you could have done? I was hoping that I would have taken to one form of construction I like the construction lifestyle if it's done correctly and what I wanted to do with it Like at first I wanted to be a mason

I wanted to work for somebody for six or seven years Who's gonna teach me how to be a fucking mason? Teach me how to make the cement teach me how to lay the brick Teach me how to lay commercial brick Just teach me everything to know About masonry. I'd work 60 hours and let you pay me for 40 Well, I'd be one of those guys. That's my loyalty for you to teach me So once my job is done as a hard carrier

I get off my fucking job And I get on the line and lay brick with you and help you, uh, you know, that was always my fucking dream, you know And then after eight years you learn the shit you want to do which is fireplaces You know, you want to take little chances at other different places Little walks and you just want to be busy doing that stuff. I could have done that a different life. I think And you have to sell see that's the beauty of it that I could have sold I don't mind knocking on somebody's door and screaming man My name is fucking

You know, Joey Diaz and I own a construction company and I saw these stairs Aren't good. I think I can write your estimate for maybe a hundred dollars. That's two days work You know, you could put those together two two three of those a week Because even if you do that for a hundred bucks and you take a garbage app She's like, you know, my husband died. I need for you to do the steps in the back Can you do it for six hundred dollars and now you have work and now guess what she tells her friend Have bingo that you did and that's how you become a businessman I do you think there's a negative

Like people look down on people who do jobs like that who do jobs like what? construction Some man listen man, if anybody looks down on anybody for working As an american a legit person They should be shot and fucking hung When I think of work people when I go to mcdonald's All right with mercy, right? There's a spanish woman who's always there With a huge diamond ring around her finger

She's attractive You know, she you could tell she's been at mcdonald's for a few years. You know what I'm saying? I could look at her in a fucked up way or anybody in that kitchen But what type of person would I be? I gotta look at them as a type of person. They're fucking working They're working even if they're ex comics They're working They're keeping it together. They're working at mcdonald's Didn't have that much fucking pride. You know what I'm saying? You can't eat pride

You cannot eat pride And not at every american. No, no, no, you are right people do look down on mcdonald's jobs because they're always hiring, aren't they? Yeah, every movie theater. There's a guy who I love. He's one of my best friends He has a master's degree But he stayed at the movie theater and he's now he's the general manager of one of the biggest of the biggest theater in the state Uh, so he's making good money now, but I can't we we've talked about how he like he Had issues with not pursuing his his thing But he he loved the theater and he chose to make it a career

Up staying at the movie theater. Yeah And now he's a gm. He's probably making six figures. Listen, you go to college and while you're at college you get a job And the pieces come together and also you got a college. You're like, what am I gonna look for a job for? I already got a job. I've been here for five years. Yeah I know everything they give me a promotion to management and I keep the job here for a few years until I see what I really Want to fucking do. There's nothing wrong with that. Listen fucking nothing wrong. We're working Especially when you have all the logistics to work when you don't have a felony And all that shit if you could work man and keep making money and keep getting incentives

You know selling shit or whatever the fucking is that you do I never looked down on anybody because I did some creepy shit when I was working I didn't mind doing it. I never let that shit bother me. I didn't tell everybody I was doing it as a job Do you know what I'm saying? I never you know, there was a lot of jobs. I thought I wasn't too proud of I can't think of right now, but you do them for a week or two To get you by and that's it I would do them for a while like I Remember having to like sweep out. I remember one July 4th having to sweep out a store room at a CVS

Like the like I but I miss those kind of jobs too to be honest with you It's no pressure job. You go in there. You got a salary. You know what you're gonna walk with You know for you a guy like you you go to three or four movies a week, don't you? Oh my god. Yeah, you know what three or four movies every day every fucking day you go see a movie So for a guy like you you think you're getting 200 a week just in the movies and the raisin that's Just in the movie and the raisin that you think you're getting a fucking bargain. Oh, well, yeah, I mean if if If I could have somehow I think that's the job if I could have somehow made like stayed in being a Like a teenager but could live on what I was making at a movie theater. It was the most fun I ever had

And it just it's uh And those people are just unless I had a lot of fun jobs that were fun But those jobs are usually fun You pay your rent you made your car payment. Yeah, and you struggle the rest of the month That's the problem with fun jobs and one day you come to that realization You go Jesus Christ my uncle just offered me a job Doing this for fucking $15 an hour But I got a job that I get $8.50 an hour. It's so much fucking fun

And you know, that's what happens and after two or three years, you know If I want to have fun, I gotta skateboard Put a blindfold on and go downhill or something like that. I don't fucking know I can't imagine raising a kid on that cellar because there's people who did this is one I always think of her. She had like four kids. So there's people who First off this people won't make it happen Those are the people I take my fucking I get my heart to there's people that make it happen

And if you leave this facility right now and you make a right If you go maybe 40 yards, it's a daycare. There's a illegal Mexican daycare in the building over there I didn't know that. Okay. Yeah, if you pull out of here every night You'll see that there's a car in the middle of the block always double parked There's a reason for that because somebody's picking up their kids It could be a two in the morning. It could be a four in the morning There were plenty of nights when I was driving down here at midnight and I'd see two parents running out with A kid and put them in the same car in the backseat like a mom and a dad picking. They just got off of work, you know, okay

Jesus these are people who are fucking two or two and a half jobs a piece And this they have to pay the daycare is like one lady with six kids She takes them around the corner and just walks around the corner all night They hold their hands at the cutest thing. She always waved. She's really nice to the kids If I was in a pinch I'd have to take mercy over there You know, what can she call? I mean she has to I think she charges you and the kids bring their own food

It's not domestically approved they're not gonna be fucking singing songs and learning about the bible or You know doing a lot of arts and crafts, but somebody's watching your kid There's a lot of families who who do like the the one parent works night shift one parent works day shift That I can't imagine doing that you know, uh

I'm very fortunate, you know Terri and I struggled for a lot of years and Now that we have the baby, you know Everything's okay, and I'm very fortunate for that that one that I tell terry. I think every day I look at your imagine right now. You'd have to be I'd have to be strapping or in the car to take her to school And you'd be on the 101 headed fucking south at 7 30 in the morning I'd have to pick her up at five bring her home

Start cooking for you to come in the door at 6 15 To take her put her in the bath read her a story eat Go to bed to do it over again for the next four days And then once a month you'd have to fucking or twice a month You'd have to Thursday and Friday she's got to pick the kid up at 5 30 or 6 because I would be on the road Fuck Yeah, what if there were more than one and if there's a traffic jam my daughter gets stuck at fucking daycare at 6

You know, he would be no no no it would have been a struggle. So that's why every morning I get up and I'm thankful as fuck That at this time like I tell terry listen the year you never know In the year this whole thing might be over And fucking you could run the house you could go back to work and I'll do what you got to do I walk out of school in the morning get the lunch ready and Get the spaghetti going at night. Whatever the fuck it is. If that's what it came down to Do you have to be very realistic because you've gone from

Being a rich spoiled kid to homeless And then back like that's I've always been very lucky with my parents It's made a lot less than they used to for a while and we were we had issues, but I never I never was Broke or homeless or had to move or Listen, I was I was hand to mouth From 1981

To 2000 At night What do you mean hand to mouth? Like weekly The longest yard bailed me out for a while. That's just called the alligators off That didn't do dick All right, all those projects I did on tv all those years That just covered the bases the addiction

Some of the child support shoes You know the daily necessities There was no cutting off the top. There was no paying off the vig is what I'm trying to say to you Got you. Okay. Okay. There was no paying off the vig the vig the note kept ticking And I kept running that motherfucker Knowing that eventually Something something was gonna give

I stopped doing blow in 2007 That immediately freed up $2,000 $3,000 a month Immediately freed up you thought you're rich. So the fucking So all those years You know All those gigs that I would go home. I would go out at night and pick up $200 Which is a lot of money to some people. I'd pick up $200. I would do four gigs and pick up $200

You know 75 here 50 here 50 here I go out on those nights And I come home broke because I bought weed coke and filled up the gas tank But now there was no more coke That was a 60 dollars I was saving So once I got off the drugs I started profiting just getting off the drugs Just getting off drugs and staying where I was doing comedy and fucking around. That was it And you were making money

That's yeah, I was putting away money not a lot of money. I didn't have to call my wife every day and tell her to put $20 on my books So 2008 we both lived off one account And I would call her every day by lunchtime and tell her what to put on my books with a debt And she would go are you fucking how can I put 40 on your books if we only have 66? Like there were those type of days. All right, then give me a 20 I'll figure it out And I'd put together 20 or 30 on my own That lasted for years brother

Then in 2009 with the fucking no drugs for two years and paying off bills We saw some daylight I booked a couple commercials that were lucrative Those commercials really bailed me out. That's why I always say if you live in that lake well for commercials Because at that time in my life those commercials were like hitting the fucking lottery for me I can't I like to think i'm a hard worker, but I don't think I don't think if I had 66 dollars left. I would be here I just don't think we happen 66 dollars till friday

And I had a gig on twednesday. I had like 150 on thursday And I had a fucking pick up a check at the comedy store for 90 bucks on friday And my wife would get paid every two weeks Oh, and there was night. She was a waitress and she'd come home. We'd have 44 hours for the day And we needed to buy two packs of cigarettes apiece And eat and feed the cat finny And um and you would you would see this and still when you got the money for the gigs would be like, yeah Coke weed and half of it went to my wife

As long as I had coke and weed. I didn't need money in my pocket. I could always get a free drink at the fucking As long as I had coke and weed everything else fell into place. I think I'm motivational poster It's a true fucking story. Let's wrap this motherfucker up here. Don't forget Thursday night. I'm at flappers and then the following week the sixth through the tenth. I'm at the brand Improv we ain't fucking around Taking it back old school Listen, man. I know a lot of you motherfuckers Are at home. You're sitting there and you listen to the podcast you're thinking about

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Free meals plus free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash show again I'm going to get your first three meals for free with free shipping When you go to blueapron.com slash joey, you'll love how it feels You'll love how it tastes and you don't know how great you'll feel to create your home Cook meals with the people you love around you with blue aprons. So don't wait go to blueapron.com slash joey I'm going to give you the first three meals free with three free shipping blue apron. It's a better way to cook I want to thank my man lisa. Yeah, but most importantly, I want to wish all you motherfuckers have memorial day Thank you for listening. Have a great week and we'll see you conksuckers. Wednesday night. Stay black

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