Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #488 - Steven Brody Stevens

Episode Date: June 8, 2017

Steven Brody Stevens, Comedian and actor seen in "The Hangover" and "Due Date," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio.  This podcast is brought to you by:   Quip - Go to getquip.com/joey for you first refill pack FREE with a quip electric tooth brush   Naturebox.com - Go to Naturebox.com/joey for 50% off of your first box.    Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order of portable devices that spray your butt with water.     Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 06/07/2016.


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A church. A church and get 10% off. Hellotushy.com. Hit it! Hit it! Oh shit. Wednesday June 7th. Are you kidding me or what? I'm feeling fucking Minnesota. But look in California. You follow me? Church of what's happening now. Lee Syatt, Brodie Stevens, the master, the prince of Periscope. That's what they call him. P-O-P. Yes. Oh pop. No, I'm sorry. P-O-P. The prince of Periscope. You follow me? Well who gives a fuck? It's a church of what's happening now, cock-suckers. Lee Syatt and your motherfucking Uncle Joey. Bam bam!

Kick this meal, Lee. They gotta hear the power shank to feel this power, cock-suckers. Yes. Are you kidding me or what? Are you kidding me or what? Kick this meal, Lee. Kick this meal, cock-sucker. I want them to feel these drums and shit. Boom, bop, boom, boom, bop. One, hit it! Boom, bop, boom, boom, boom, bop, bop. Damn, damn, damn, damn.

Too much, too much. Too much. I'm after we got a $10 bag of Cheechee potty. You know what I'm saying? What's going on, Brodie Stevens? My brother? Excited to be here, Joey. Feeling good. You were down in Palm Springs getting some sun. Yeah, sunny hot down there. Now how much warm is it down there than up here? Today was a lot, you know, it was about 104 out there when I left. Damn.

Yeah, and the Dodger game they played this afternoon, it was like a marine layer, it was like 70 degrees. I thought it was going to be smoking hot here too, but it wasn't. No, no, no, tonight you'll go out. You can't fuck around this time of the year here. You leave your house with a t-shirt, you go somewhere warm, you walk out, it's fucking freezing. Yeah, it gets cold tonight. That desert air comes in with the snakes and the coyotes and fucking, you know. You know, Palm Springs is just the cutoff, the mountains. It's like, that's the first spot that the clouds from LA don't get to.

It cuts it off and it's just, that's where the heat starts out there in that desert. And that's the great thing about LA growing up here at night. You got the marine layer, you got the ocean breeze coming in. So you go to a Dodger game, you got to wear a jacket. You go to Anaheim Stadium, it's cold down there at night. That stadium, they've got wind coming through there. Same thing with San Diego at night. And so it's got San Francisco, geez, all the cities are cold.

San Francisco is cold at night. San Francisco, LA, but you'd think LA and Anaheim, San Diego, oh, it's mild. It gets cold at night down there. I've been to a few Dodger games when you go in like in September, you go in there with a t-shirt at night. You're like, wait a second, I got to walk to my fucking car. I'm freezing out here. What the fuck mistake did that make? But who would have figured it out?

Yeah, it gets cold. But we're lucky we're not in Chicago, you know. It rains hot. You really got to read the weather there. And they're, you know, they're not... We only get to bad weeks of weather here. And they're in August. The last two weeks of August, it gets a little on the humid side.

Yeah. But beside that, this is a great place weather-wise to live. I knew at the age of 12 that I couldn't deal with humidity. I didn't really understand it. I knew that it was something that when I came out of the shower, I was sweating. When I combed my hair, I was sweating, even though I dried my shirt and my back and my chest. When I was putting a t-shirt on, I felt this mist of water. And then I would walk to these parties.

And by the time I got there, my fucking head that would be fucked up or frizzed up, I had the Jew fro growing up. And I just hated it. And I didn't really know the difference was that I went to Colorado the first time. And I'm like, oh, shit. This is what it feels like not to have humidity in the air. This is what I want from now on. That's funny because I left New York not for the cold.

I left for the summer. See, I could deal with humidity outside. I could deal with it going down the subway, even though that was really brutal. But you get on that subway with that air conditioning and it felt good. My apartment, I didn't have air conditioning. I had a fan and a water bottle. That's what I had. So it was pretty brutal.

But I did it. After three years of living in New York, I got it out of my system. I did it, did the subway, did the subway, did the bus because the subway was not working. But you got to see a lot of different people doing comedy down there, out there. And you got to take the subway. I did it. I mean, you're the one who told me to go to New York. And it was funny, like you mentioned Colorado right here.

That's where my mom was living with her boyfriend. So I actually went to Colorado for a little bit. I got to get out of New York, went to Colorado, caught my breath, and then I moved back to LA 2000. That was kind of my plan anyway, to be back here in LA in 2000. I had to, you know, like I mentioned, or I mentioned on the Periscope how, you know, I did an open mic here. I started here in LA. I went on stage at, you know, I did one open mic in Chatsworth and I did that.

I did a comedy workshop at UCLA. I needed that. We had our graduation class at the comedy store. And I did well back in, it was 93. And then I did one open, I felt like, you know, I did well. It was a Sunday night. It was packed, bringing in five friends, you know, one of those deals, Sandy Seashore. It was Paulie's sister.

And the comedy store, I grew up with it, meaning like I saw it with my eyes because my mom's boyfriend lived on Halloway up in a high rise. So I could see the comedy store, Sunset Strip. And you could feel that energy. And I wasn't like a big, crazy, you know, comedy guy, but I feel that energy, the Sunset Strip. But I would also see the lights of Dodger Stadium. It was just, there's something about seeing the lights of Dodger Stadium, knowing that there's a game going on there.

There's a whole community going on there. You see the lights and then, yeah, you know, you can watch it on TV. You can, you can listen on the radio. But whenever I drive by a stadium, the Rose Bowl, I always look at it. I have to make eye contact with the sign, Dodger Stadium. I have to see the lights. If I'm going on the 110, I got to see the Coliseum. I have to make eye contact with seats.

I never figured you for growing up here. When you told me that and my fucking head exploded after like three months after I met you, I would look at you and say, this is a lunatic from Chicago. Well, people thought I was from New York or New York growing up here. Maybe Florida. You, how do you fucking mind? I don't know. But yeah, growing up here, I grew up here, you know, in the valley, high school here.

You said your dad went to school in North Hollywood. Yeah, North Hollywood High right here down the street. I wonder if Yum Yum Donuts was there back then. How long has that been there for? I don't know. I don't know. That's an active corner. You got high schools there.

You got a rich kid. What's the other high school there? Oakwood. Right next to North Hollywood High? Yeah. Or that's the one in the middle of the school or the block? Yeah. Well, it's on Magnolia.

It's on the other side. What's the difference between Oakwood and North Hollywood? Oakwood's private, rich kids probably. Yeah, they have like a full-time staff of crossing guards on Magnolia throughout the day. Like six, six crosswalks down. You don't see them, they have like umbrellas. Okay, so the school down the block towards the 101. That's Oakwood.

That's Oakwood. They built a bridge. Right, they built a bridge. They just installed a bridge. I cost like 30,000 a year to go to that school and you call your teacher by the first name. Yeah. It's progressive. There's probably like a petting zoo in the back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big wheels. Yeah, it's fucking crazy right there. That stuff is, I mean, that's what I try and share on Twitter. I went to those private schools. Did you? Yeah, for a semester and I knew it wasn't right. Which one did you go to?

I went to like, probably like Valley. I think it was actually called the Valley School over on like Haskell and Sherman Way. You know, the petting zoo. Now Notre Dame, the other one on Riverside. Notre Dame's on Riverside. Notre Dame. That's high school. That's respected.

Number one, baseball player, prospect in the country right now. There was 100. Really? Tyler Green. Does it, Tyler Green? Yeah. Get those 102. Now all those schools are 25 to 30 G's a year.

Yeah, a lot of money. Now the problem with those schools is you're going to school with Denzel's kids and, you know, you're going to school with all these people's kids. Right. See, I don't know. I don't know if I'm right. I don't know. Campbell Hall.

That's another one. Campbell Hall. That's the big one. Yeah, these kids, you know, they're rich kids. They got helicopter parents. Oh, wait a second. So they're doing, they're doing, you know, some of the drugs. I gotta tell you what happened today.

That's right. That's right. My head almost blew up this morning. That's right. Talking about fucking kids. Very casually. I wake up, I clean the cat litter boxes. I feed the cats and make a little coffee.

I smoke some dope. The doorbell rings. I'm like, who the fuck's knocking on my door late in the morning? Oh, it's water. And that's who comes in twice a week to help with mercy and the daytime and shit while my wife runs errands and shit. And she cleans. I go, what's going on?

She goes, I'm going to come here today instead of Monday. It was news to me. So I said, well, let me finish up in the office. Let me jump in the shower and I'll get the fuck out of here. I didn't feel like eating eggs. So I just had cereal at the house. Little corn flakes never killed nobody. That's right.

I feel like I disappeared for two hours, right a little bit and come back. Have a protein shake and go to Jiu-Jitsu. That was my plan. I get down to the coffee place. I got my little usual green tea and I sit there and I sit outside writing and I just wanted to tighten up a bed. I tried to write a little story and these kids sit next to me. I don't count them.

A couple of kids with a couple of young girls. I knew one of the girls. Her name is Rose because one day me and a fuck over down there. And she was there and she asked us if we had a lighter. And I got a two year old at the time and I said, how old are you? And she told me she's 17. And her dad's a big fucking publisher, like a music publisher. So I've always known her.

I always say hello to Bert. Whenever I see Bert, I go, I went to Marie E.T. and I saw fucking Rose. Rose is always there in the afternoon. But today she was sitting with these three fucking knuckleheads. So about a year ago, Marie E.T.C. hired like a parking lot attendant. Who's a fucking really good guy? I've had 20 comments. At first I thought he was a dickhead myself.

But one day he came up to me and he goes, you can park there, bro. Don't worry about it. I was like, really? It says just 10 minutes. He goes, just stay there. Don't worry. I know you're going to sit and write and stuff. So ever since that, I tried to help the guy out.

Whenever I go down, I don't leave my dishes on the table. I pick them up and bring them back. I don't leave them down at the rest of the fucking. Because all those people make good money. But they act like white fucking supremacists over there. Like they act like fucking. They don't do nothing. They look down on the Mexican help over there.

They're disgusting fucking people who got a little bit of success in Hollywood. Like middle level writers or something. You think they're fucking Ingrid Bergman. You know, the women that pull in there, they just pull in there. They don't park right. A lot of women in there. They don't park right. What anyway?

I'm sitting there. I'm sitting there. And the next thing you fucking know, the next thing you fucking know, the guy comes running to the back. And I'm sitting in the corner. But I don't, you know, I don't smoke. So I don't know what's smoking and not smoking. Okay. Do you know what I'm saying?

Fair enough. So I hear him say to one of the kids, do me a favor. Can you put that cigarette out or go to that side of the coffee shop and smoke? And he goes, yeah, man. And he walks away. And I don't know. I got earphones on. No, I don't.

No, I don't. I'm sitting there right and I'm looking up. But I'm paying attention to my own world. You know when you're writing and you're on your own world. Right. You're not paying attention. But I'm looking in that direction or something makes me look up. Okay.

And I see the security guard running towards me. Oh no. All right. Can I call you Lee and tell you about this? No. And he runs towards me. And I think he's going to say something to me. I don't know.

I'm high. I don't fucking know. I'm just stoned in the corner trying to write. And my business drink my green fucking tea and at 1045 I'll leave. Go and put my gear on and shoot to jujitsu. That's the plan. Make a protein shake. It's about 1020 at this time.

I don't know why these kids aren't in school. And the next thing you fucking know, he goes, hey, I just told you to put that cigarette out. The kid kept fucking smoking it and smiling. So he tells the kid, listen, I'm asking you fucking nicely. Right. There's nothing. These are nice white people.

He says, I'm asking you nicely. Either get up or I have to call the police. And finally there's this dude that's always there. There's this big fucking dude that's bald. Like he shaves his head. You could tell at one time or another he could have been a rough neck. He's big. He's big.

He has that white dog. You ever got a Marie T and there's a white. The big coffee white dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And they just sit there and finally for some reason this guy gets up and he goes, hey, he's telling you nicely. I'm not going to tell you that nicely. Get the hell up or go put the cigarette out. Now I got to turn around. Now I got to turn around because they're going to argue behind me or there's going to be a fist fight fucking behind me. I'm going to be right there.

And I don't mind kicking one of these kids in the fucking kneecaps because you could tell they're three little pussies. Right. The kids smile in and he goes, I tell you, put the cigarette out. Bro, this kid walked up to him. Finally, when he was three feet from him, the kid threw the cigarette down and stepped on it. He goes, you happy?

And the guy goes, okay, do me a favor, get out of here. And he goes, I'm not getting out of here. You're going to have to throw me out. And I'm like, oh shit, it's going to go down. The guy goes, no, I'm going to fucking call the cops. So I'm like, God damn it. I'm going to be a fucking witness. They're going to ask me stupid questions.

Well, how the fuck do I get out of this? And finally, the big white dude starts yelling at the kid, calling him a little pussy. You ain't shit. Look at your little fucking friends. You got no class. They had like a fucking Audi 829Z convertible with rocket ship rings. And finally he goes, get the fuck out of here. The kids head to their car.

As they're walking in, the kid that was Johnny Smooth looks up and he goes, I hope you're not a fucking actor. My dad's the executive producer of the hottest show on ABC. And I want to make sure he doesn't fucking hire you, both headed fucked. And he got in his car and took off. That was his weapon that his dad wouldn't give you a fucking role in a movie or a TV show. That's what I live with people. What show?

Welcome to my world. I ran over, knocked on the glass and asked him, Brody. I don't give a fuck with you. I don't want to do business with that little fucking half a fag. Those guys don't show up at Starbucks. We get tweakers at Starbucks. We don't. But you're on a little canyon.

So you got everybody who fucking falls off the 101. But it's literally only a five minute walk if that and it's two different worlds. Two different worlds. Two different worlds. Three different worlds. I get the fucking people who think, you know. Yeah. The screenwriters.

Yeah. The screenwriters. I had my problem. I sit there and listen to those motherfuckers talk. And I just giggle. That's the show. We plant a tape recorder and we play it and we listen to all the bullshit stories we used to hear.

We first moved here because they wrote bullshit stories. I'd rather sit with the site, the weirdos. Oh, no, no, me too. They're more interesting. Me too. I'm over there now. If I go out during a week and Lee tapes my set, Lee emails it to me and I listen to it there.

I put earphones on. I plug it in on my phone and I listen to it there in peace. And I don't have to listen to those fucking desert dude who shows up there with an earpiece. Okay. The shirt is iron to the tee. The pants are designer. The shoes are designer. The belt is designer.

The BMW is like a five series. And I'm going to tell you something. The guy's up to his asshole and hock. Yeah. Okay. Because I've been there three times and I've seen the three clients he's been with. He's horrifically bad. And he's terribly cheesy.

He's one of those managers you first sign here when you get here or meets with you and wants to know what you're doing and wants to know about your acting class and how's it going. And that they just had a meeting with CBS about you last week and your name came up for a new pilot. Keep going. Acting class. And it was he's been there three different times with three different clients.

And every time I sit next to him like I'm writing and I'm not looking at him. I'm just listening to him blow smoke up this poor bastard's ass. He was there with a guy a couple of weeks ago that I look like Mr. Olympia next to this fucking guy. And he's telling us a ton of wrote the guy was bending the chair. He had a way six. He was an extra of the 600 pound man. That's how big he was.

He was standing for like other shots. You know I felt like looking at him going how many roles have you seen Ralphie Mayan. Then I go listen go fucking go on a diet. This guy's like no there's a new show on CBS coming out about fat guys that live together. Yeah. That's what they want to do. Show him breaking the bed. What the fuck they're going to let him do that Kevin James show.

No, no, no, no, no. You know it's just it's so like I can't I don't ever want to redo or need to explain the people my first three or four years in this town. And I didn't fall guys. I could tell you guys right out as a man. I didn't fall for any of the bullshit. I went to a fucking meeting once at a at that. At this time I had like three agents and one of them was a bottom feeder.

I still talk to him. He's out of the management business but he sent me an audition on a Saturday once he goes Joey this movie looks interesting. Just go down there. It's an hour on a Saturday. It was right down the block from me. It was across the street and gardener gardener stages. Yeah.

Downstairs. They used to do a comedy show there. One of your friends. What's his name? Adam Gropman. No. Yes. Or Dan Bilek.

Yeah. Dan Bilek used to do a show downstairs. Yeah. And gardener. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Downstairs.

This is three fucking years ago. Four years ago when Dan was doing it. Yeah. I'm talking about 1998 in that basement in July. I know. On a Saturday at 9 a.m. In that thing with 40 guys dressed in mob suits and fucking there were every different gang affiliation.

Every different gang affiliation was in there. This guy was making the biggest gang mafia movie ever in Hollywood. You ready guys? We got there on a Saturday at 9 o'clock. He promised food, a table read and then auditioning. There was none of the above. What he wanted you there was to tell you that this is how you got the role in this movie. You had to get investors.

Oh. It's like a bringer movie. Yeah. It was like a bringer movie. He would give you envelopes and he was going to have a meeting a week later to see how many investors you got in a week with promissory notes. This was crazy. I sat there just giggling.

There's something like a scheme where he doesn't mind the shooting of the movie. Oh my god Lee. No shit Lee. Oh no. This was way before Kickstarter. Yeah. I was going to say it sounds just like that. Yeah.

No. It was like that. It was like a human Kickstarter. Oh that's funny. So he's like whatever comes back next Saturday that at least has 25,000 promissory notes. What? Yeah. You want me to tell you something?

No. I guarantee three of those people showed up. I would have. Just to be in a movie Lee you'd be surprised. Would they be the people investing? Would they like invest for themselves? They'd like go to family? Because that's what this guy's doing.

He would get, if he asked 40 people in the room to give him 20 grand and four people showed up with 20 grand that's ready. You could shoot something. I could shoot something for 80. Well at least if they shoot something. You're following me? Yeah. I just imagined it was a guy coming into town.

Good idea. Getting like 80,000 and like piecing out and going to Mexico. Listen, people shoot movies for no budget all the time. I personally don't believe in it because some way the movie's going to crash and burn. You have to have money for certain things. There's things that I could ask Brodie Stevens to come with his microphone. Yeah. Microphone.

Brodie needs a big favor. We don't have the money Brodie. How long I know you just come by for three days. Yeah. Tell me do comedy. I'll come by you and do a free show. No problem. But I can't go to Brodie and go Brodie.

Yeah. I need you for six weeks. Six weeks. Yeah. Six days a week for free. You can't. Yeah, yeah. And that's what these people.

I'll do some tweets for you. That's what these people really want to do. That much of a commitment? Oh fuck yeah. That's insanity. Oh yeah. These people are crazy out here. Six weeks of free.

I was doing those $100 day movies. Yeah. I say 50% of the staff is getting paid. The rest of them are there sold on the experience package. If you do this you get experience. Which you know what guys, if I move out here and I'm here and I got $2,000, $3,000 in the bank and I live in a roommate, my rent is $400 and I'm looking to get into the movie business.

Because that's how it happens. Not even getting to the movie. Yes. I'm looking to get to something and somebody comes to me and says, listen, my friend's doing a movie and he's looking for a free guy. You want to come in for six weeks? You know what? I got money in the bank.

It's nice. I get to mingle. No people. I don't work on a Hollywood movie. I would do it because I had no interest in the film. I don't want to be an actor. So I would go on a set for six and learn for free how to carry shit. Yeah.

That's what I did. When I was taking my stand-up comedy course, I was also an intern on a USC master's thesis film. So I was a key grip. I was learning about lights. I was learning about shoot where we shot down. We shot in South Central Los Angeles in the house where they came from under the stairs. The people from under the stairs, that movie, it was shot in that house and then we did

an overnight shoot on the Radford lot where they had Seinfeld going on and Roseanne. I remember riding a bicycle around. I went inside the Seinfeld set. But anyway, I worked on this film. I learned all about catering, hours, teamsters. But I also learned that I wanted to be the actor, the talent, but I was nowhere near ready. But I learned that I didn't want to be in movies.

In fact, I did one other one. They wanted me to work for free. We did it at USC. So this is a different film. I'm up there sitting up there with like fricking sandbags and stuff. And they go, so tomorrow, 6 a.m. in the desert, and then I go f that. I was just, and so they had lunch break and I just went to Burger King and left. I still got invited to the rap party, but that's when I walked away.

I said, I'm not going to, I know I'm not going to do that direction. I want to do stand up. And like even when I moved up to Seattle, I worked at the comedy underground. I learned about seeding the show. I learned about, you know, a host, a guest spot, a middler, a headliner, but I wasn't like a huge comedy fan. Actually, I still, you know, I like laughing at my friends. I like, it's different like with some of these presenting things.

And I'm a, you know, I'm weird. Maybe I'm just immature about that. My brother, I'm 47. I just turned 47 May 22nd. I met you when you were 25. Yeah. I was born in 70. So no, I was probably, yeah.

25, 25. Yep. You think you're dealing with Joy Banana's? Yeah, I got to know Matt. 25. I'm glad I went to Seattle. I really, because I grew up here in the valley. I grew up.

I went to college in Arizona and it was like just too much sunshine, too much, you know, doing, people don't develop stand up. And I was, plus I was a baseball player, you know, that baseball, but I had, I wanted to go up to Seattle and be around pierced ears and music and all that weird stuff. I knew I had to get out of LA and, uh, you know, I took that comedy course at UCLA, graduated at the comedy store and I did that one open mic and chats worth and I go, that ain't for me.

I grew up here in the valley. I can't have some host. I get it. I understand it. Cause I played baseball. I learned all about group think and all that plain baseball. It all comes into like, you know, in life, playing sports, being, uh, you know, at a high level, you've, you do learn, you do learn about discipline.

When I played baseball, baseball, Arizona state, we represented the school. You couldn't get in trouble. It'd be in the newspaper. We got drug tested, but I learned about just taught me discipline and, but learning to get picked on, you know, Oh bro, you're the Jewish guy, gay guy, run weird, this fucking punching me, but I knew that's how it was. I mean, I was liked in high school. I was a good pitcher all of a sudden.

So they try and I, they try, I go, I'm not going to quit. You know, they didn't get me out of there, but I'm not a quitter. And I just stuck it out. I mean, go in a long story about that, but these guys were hard on me. And I didn't complain. Cause they would go, Oh yeah, you're Jewish guy. How'd the grand candy get started to, uh, you know, Jews fighting over a nickel and a squirrel hole.

Oh, thanks for laughing, but you're Jewish too, but, but I didn't care. That's kind of what it was. Cause I played baseball also in high school, you know, and it was around football. So I just made me, it made me tougher. It made me strong. And I just rose above it. They would say, Oh, Brody, you're Jew or something. I go, well, Jesus was Jewish and they get pissed like these Christian guys.

But, you know, they're good friends. Like it was kind of a hazing thing, you know, cause I got picked on at receipt of high school growing up and it's different getting picked on by inner city kids. You got it. Malicious. You know, I had, I'd rather get a haze by a Christian. That's okay.

That's, that's a, that's a, that's, I don't need to be gang jumped into something. I'm so upset with politics. It stressed me out big time. Well, I first met you. I used to break your balls constantly. You weren't, yes, you were used to make me laugh. And I used to break your balls because we had a friend and he did porn. And I asked you if you do it for like, I used to do.

You weren't extra on a porn movie. And I would tell Josh Wolf under the bus and then you had the cable access show and I would torment your life about the cable access show. So you put me on. I think he was you. I think you're on it. Oh my God. I'm looking at, you know, all these memories are coming back.

Seattle was a great scene. It was really, uh, I don't know how it is now, but we were just up there. Great, great, still great, still great for comedy. A lot of young comics up there is what I hear. You know, I run, read, moved to Arizona. Oh, he did. Yeah. So I don't know who's going to Phoenix or something.

Oh, wow. So I don't know who's going to run the contest and all that. So listen, Brody, when I was a kid, I love basketball. Yeah. I love fucking basketball. I'll leave, look it up. What year the Seattle Super Sonics go to NBA finals? When, in the nineties, are you talking about the one against the rules?

The seventies. Yeah. The 79, I think 78, 79. They beat the Washington bullets. One of those years, one of those years, 77. 77, I think was Portland. And I know, uh, yeah, something that was Julia serving. They won in 79.

79, yes. There you go. Well, you're a bad motherfucker. Something like, well, my cousins lived there. I saw, I saw that team. I didn't knew anything about Seattle. One day the basketball team is great and they started showing pictures of the, of the city when they were up there to show the stadium

before they played. I'm like, what an interesting fucking city. Okay. And then that was it. I just made a mental note and then an 87 or 88 or 89. I'm in a movie theater watching good fellas and they're talking about how he ended up in Seattle, Washington. This is way before the internet.

How does a gang mafia dude from the city, well, he was a fucking, he ended up being a moron, but how does a guy from Brooklyn end up in Seattle? So I always thought about fucking Seattle, Seattle. And anytime something good happened on, then they had the football team who I love Jim Zorn. One night I bet San Diego against Seattle or something, a Monday night football, I don't know what year it was, Lee. Let me tell you something.

Jim Zorn put such a beat on me in three or four minutes that I ended up liking them after that. So I was always intrigued by San Diego, by Seattle. And then when I first started doing comedy, just like you, I started two years before you, there was a publication that came out of San Francisco called. Was it a comedy magazine? Yes.

That John Fox and his company put out and they interviewed comics. They told you different. They previewed clubs. If a new club was opening, they'd do a write up about the club. Right. It was a really good magazine. It really was. And the most interesting thing about it was the last three pages was all

the open mics in the country like that were big time open mics. Then the last two pages were all the comedy clubs with the insignia of the club and Seattle's was the coolest. That insignia they gave you with the black and the way the black and the white no, no, no. What was that, that picture of the, see if you come up with Seattle comedy competition. Look at this.

The globe. Was it a globe with the dude holding it or something like this. Watch how cool this is, Lee. This stuck out in that fucking newspaper. Like, and I always try searching like the nineties or no, Seattle comedy competition. That's it. Pressing Seattle comedy competition or the comedy underground.

There's just something about the Northwest, the fresh air. I knew nothing about that shit until you got to know nothing about salmon. I knew nothing about fucking nothing. I knew Henry Hill went there. I knew that the supersonic's were there. Yeah. And then something really fucking happened. I discovered a bank called Soundgarden and I was like, oh, see right there

all the way. You see that? Yeah, that even that was up in this newspaper. Uh, that, that thing right there. Yeah. Was something that they had in the news in there in this publication. And I was like that one day I circled that club and every time I would go to a comedy club and they had the new issue of that magazine.

I would look to see what comedy clubs were opening, what was closing. And I'd always circle that fucking club. And for some reason I wanted to go to fucking Seattle. Then Soundgarden comes out. I'm here about this heroin. I'm hearing about all this shit up there. Not one thing that I hear about comedy. I didn't really ask.

I didn't think in my mind I was in the level to go to Seattle. Like I was just getting to get that together in Boulder, you know, in Denver area. And then I went to fucking Michigan to do my first feature act. And I met a fucking stripper and she said she was going to Seattle. And then she said, I'll swing by Boulder and get you. And that was the plan. And I didn't hear from her for a week. And one day I got a call.

She's in Boulder. She came to get you. So I gave him my stuff and I was up there 10 days later. And then we went down to crazy romantic comedy. Just like you fucking believe that I met a Memorial Day weekend and I was in bowl and I was in Seattle five weeks later. Remember how I tell you that people always say, well, I'm going to Seattle and do comedy.

That's my dream. So what are you doing now? All right, now I'm working at Starbucks, putting away money. Listen, you're never going to put that money away. That's a fucking, that's a resistance. Read the book. The art of war. That's a resistance.

What you need to do is go get the most expensive job you can get right now. I don't give a fuck what it is. If it's taken a shit out of a box and they give you 14 hours when they got over time, you're going to do that for 30 days. Okay, at the end of the 30, even if you put a hundred hours a week away at the end of the four weeks, you got 400, you got your car, you got your health and I'm sure your grandmother throwing an exit to 50 and that's 650. You could start a new fucking life with 650.

How do I know? Cause I've started a new life with doing dollars. So you're not going to tell me no motherfucking stories. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Are you saying 650 today? What was that back then? I'm talking about.

This is what's the way you want to go when you go, Brody. That's what I did. Yeah, I went to Seattle. These people look you in the face and go, well, my dream is to move to New York. And there's listen, that was one of my dream. The more you bullshit with the, you got to put away money, the more you're going to die because if you really have a dream, you'll live in a shelter and you'll get a job tap dancing.

Oh, I don't know. I'm sure you'll fucking listen to all guys. I lived in a car. I sacrificed L.A. in a car. Do you think when I got into comedy, I told you I was going to live in a car. Maybe. But then I heard Stan Hope was doing it. This guy was doing it.

This guy was doing it. One night I fell asleep in the car and I woke up. I didn't need any chiropractors. Oh, it helped your back. No, I go, this ain't that bad. I realized I could take showers at the comedy store and I could pay child support plus not cocaine plus eat and survive in L.A. Yeah.

By saving that little money every month. Then Gavin would help me out by the couch from time to time. You know, it was a struggle. Then I kind of moved in with Gavin and I moved in with my wife and the rest is fucking history here, but you know, I, if you told me, Joey, when you get into comedy, you're going to be homeless at one point. You're like, well, describe homeless. Homeless is discreet.

Homeless is the scariest fucking word in the world because the first thing you think of is that dude by seven 11 or the blanket on himself this morning next to the fucking tanks where they fill him for barbecue. I swear to God. The one on Magnolia this morning by the park, right? There was just a dude laying there like a mummy covered from head to toe next to the tanks 20 years ago. I was a shot of BB into those tanks, blown him the fucking chick.

He had with him the dog. I mean, when you think of homeless, that's what you think of. Okay. No, I'm going to tell you what homelessness is having money, having a job. And for some reason or another, you lost your apartment and you don't know what, thank God you have a car because you're never homeless. There were times I was homeless with a car and there was times I was homeless without a car and guess what, both times I survived.

My seat doesn't go back anywhere. The button to lie down. No, I can sleep in my car. I have to go in the back seat and curl up. The one I really want to talk to are the RV people that I've never seen. And I'm, that sounds terrible, but the RV people, I didn't see that on the east coast. Like I never really saw people living in RVs, but here it's everywhere. Well, if you think about it seems all right.

I don't want to talk about mistakes as a comedian. Yeah. What a mistake buying a trailer like that after you're doing comedy three or four years, yeah, you have to decide what you want to do. And this economy, you're not just going to send resumes and the tape. So the best thing you could do is that $400 you say you're fucking fill up the tanks, you get peanut butter, jelly, ramen. You put water in that shower and you live in an RV and you go cross country

going to comedy club. Fuck yeah. Cause then you were exciting. You wouldn't have to worry about the condos. You just go to every night you perform somewhere else. And if there's no show, there's a show now because you're there with a microphone and two speakers. Well, that's how you do comedy in the beginning.

That's how people like that idea. No, not now yet today. Is that still plausible? Oh my God, Brody, you could do whatever the fuck you want. You're single. I need to do it. You're free. You know, you could get somebody to sponsor you, Brody.

I'm called the Brody Stevens RV. I want to go to, I want to do for baseball. So he's like, rock, I know I need help, Lee. You can, you don't want, I don't know how. At this point, you don't need help. What you could do is there's a thing that is your best friend. What, internet? Unbelievably, unbelievably, what you could do on the internet,

on a nickel's worth and it would take you. I could get you an executive producer by tomorrow. I love baseball. I have access. I could talk to him tomorrow morning and he could do the whole thing when you could double executive producer, road manager, driver and keep your head together. Yeah.

So that means it'll cost you a big percentage. Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Well, what about, I'll give him a, what about, I have to have merch too. He'll help me with that. It will help you with the merch and he won't take a PC and merch. Here's, you know, I did a festival a couple of few weeks ago and one of the rock bands, they liked, they liked what I was doing and they, they thought it'd be a good idea maybe opening.

They wanted a comedian to open up with them on the road. And they were pretty cool guys. Like pretty straight lace guys are rocked out. They're called Diarrhea Planet. They're out of Nashville, but they, they rock. You have no idea that, you know, like I told you before the podcast started, you still have that same insecurity I have that you're not good at or no. This point, it's over at this point.

If they didn't get it by now, you know, brought it and I'm going to get it. But can I say one thing? Yeah, say what the fuck you want. I have, um, yeah, people, I get it, people get it, but I haven't because I did so much audience warm up behind the scenes, you know, and I got great at that. But it also stifled, I feel like my standup career because I was getting, yes, I was getting that paycheck. I was getting a mic time.

I was meeting everybody. I was getting opportunities, but I also knew that I had this, uh, consistent warm up gig, usually a best damn sport show where you were. And I also had, uh, a connection with baseball. I always wanted to be around baseball. All right. So here's the fucking deal right now. It's June.

Nobody gives a fuck about baseball yet, right? Because, uh, Houston's running away with it. You know, it's a fucking nightmare. So right now what you could do is the next three weeks is make a few, you get, you sit down, you honestly look at yourself, you sit down and you get a piece of paper and a pencil, a piece of paper, pencil. See, I should be doing a, a weekly podcast where I have structure. Like you have structure.

What do I need? I need structure. I need an RV. Oh, no, I need a driver. Okay. I'd like an RV and I need tickets to baseball games. Okay. Okay.

I need, uh, feel past packets, feel past. All right. Which is all easy. But can I say one thing? Yeah. MLB is weird. You know, you can't necessarily use show low, I understand. You're not going to show a fucking logo.

This is welcome to Brodie Stevens world. Like, yes, I'm here at Dodger Stadium. You got it. It's just even me just talking to the camera at the stadium. You already got the environment. Yeah, you already got Periscope. I'm walking at the parking lot. What's going on?

Periscope, September. Yeah. After a fucking month of the playoff coverage and once I get by the world series, Fox will be hunting you down around the corner. I tried to have them do that. Don't worry about it. Right now you got the world by the balls. You have the experience.

I don't know. Yes, I do. All you need is what you need is a sponsorship from an RV company. Oh, sponsorship. We need an RV company to sponsor you. This you're going to have to spring for the driver. So we're going to combine this into a comedy tour. Life of Brodie.

Life of Brodie. Okay. Don't even mention baseball because it involves everything still involves pulling over on the side of the road, doing kettlebells, smoking reefer, going to Subway and taping black people's shuffling. Like my Instagram, like my Instagram video, this is, this is, this is full flex. It's just having fun.

The most important is this guy that's driving and whatever. You got to rock his world. Who's he? What? Where do I find him? Are there guys who do that? Okay. I got to make one call and you hook them.

Okay. All right. Number two, you're going to, you know, the RV, two people sleep, but every three or four nights, you're going to stop the whole time, wash your ass and get away from him. Wifi, you can also get a hotel sponsor. Wifi. Can I, I'm in this, could you, I really get sponsorship for stuff because I'm open

to it. I need help. Yes. Well, I mean, would you, you could do all this. You think, you think he should only have the RV sponsor? No, he can have the RV sponsor. Vitamins. I like that.

I mean, yes, he can have a hotel. Maybe, I mean, what kind of hotel you're looking for? How fast? Remember, this is all corporate. So if you're looking to do it this September, this is, and everybody goes on vacation in July drum, drum lessons in different cities, but I can see a national RV company, every city you stop in, do a periscope live with the amount of numbers, print up the amount of numbers, print up the times that you do the periscope.

And let's do a sample. Let's go from a Dodger game to an Anaheim game, two games in one day. Right. And let's show it that way. Let me give him some shout outs. Hold on one second. And I don't know. I don't know.

Organization is the key. And this is not a lot of things to organize. This is not a lot of moving parts here. Brandon Gonzalez, you know, I love your fudge packing one on one Matt. I love it. Alan Stevens. Stay with me, baby. Jack W.

Lewis May 23. Mike Pinocch, Caleb Bass and OG Dunkhead Damon. Are you kidding me or what? Do not forget about the Brea Improp tomorrow night. Do not forget about the fucking working hour. Uncle Joey on the 15th at the ice house and do not forget about governors. The 24th and 25th. We ain't fucking around two shows.

Chinese food, the whole fucking thing. People stabbing anyway, but don't worry about that shit. All you need to worry about is brain in the morning. That's all you need to worry about. If you got any, if you're not doing Dick tomorrow night, Lee Syat doesn't even know what's going to hit him tomorrow night. He's tomorrow night, we're going for broke. All right, anyway, we were talking about tonight.

Tonight's just a warming up for tomorrow night. I know. Here's the deal, brother. This is a very easy thing. You have to contact Periscope. You have to contact. You know, I can hook you up with a few people that maybe throw you some ads on the Periscope.

The comedy club is because comedy because don't give a fuck. I need here. I honestly, I need structure. That's what people tell me where to go. What to do, be brody, do this, do that. Comedy clubs on the way, like a one nighter deal or do a rock club. OK, who looks right now like they're going to the World Series or the playoffs? If you had a season ended today at Astros, we're going, we're going.

Nationals, Dodgers. Probably maybe not Dodgers, just throwing them out there. You don't want the Dodgers because then you have to do a comedy show here. You do comedy every fucking night. We need to get you to play off cities. And then what do I do in these cities? What are you doing this city? Yeah, let's say let's say there's you get up nice and early

and you go to the hot spot where people eat breakfast with my camera dude. You take a camera dude with you. You sit down, you eat, you explain the food, you pray. Right. Then you go exercise. OK. And then you go to. On Periscope. On Periscope. Then you go visit the baseball players that you were friends with and go see what they're doing and interview them.

Maybe you're walking on thin toes. But this is advertising, baby. It's Brody Stevens. I've been coming to you for years. Now I got to walk in here like a pirate. No, I'm down by the field. I got to have a pass. I'm legitimate. OK, so these guys are going to act different in front of me

as opposed to somebody they don't know. They're going to be more open with me. You ever see that scene in fucking apocalypse now when they land and it's actually Oliver Stone directing and that, you know, and I don't. He directs the movie. No, there's a scene when the the people land, you know, Martin Sheen lands with the other fucking guy.

Tom Hayden and the Godfather do vow when they land. And as they're screwed up into the killed of Vietnamese people, the fucking there's a director there going, keep moving, keep moving. Don't look at the camera. Don't look at the camera. That'd be the funny thing. Every time you shake somebody's hand, just be go be natural. Don't look at the camera and just talk to them.

See, you have a hook always to go in there. You talk to them, ask them how they're feeling. Go to the other side. Pick your favorite player on the other side. Go talk to him if it's an afternoon game. Take the comedy show at 10 o'clock at the comedy club. Right. Take the percentage of the door and go in there.

So now after the baseball game, but that's tricky because after a baseball game, nobody's going to go to a comedy club, but you're absolutely going to have different people who watch you on Periscope looking at fans of what you do. So they're going to actually pay to go watch you. So you can finance these little trips that way also. I don't know if you're going to be soliciting. You're my brother. I wish you only the best.

I want you to sell out. Dean is no notary. Well, I don't know, but listen, a hundred tickets is a hundred. Yeah, I'm fine with rock clubs. You could 20 fucking bucks. You could spend more than one day in each city. So what if he went to the game and was being Brody and advertised this show at the club the next night?

It would be sold out. Yeah, you do great, Brody. There's an angle here, Brody. I just need it. You know, I just need to take a little comic. OK, I came to terms. Ten years ago, but I'm not the conventional comic. Johnny Carson ain't calling, Jay Leno ain't calling.

Ain't nobody fucking calling Uncle Joey. Everything I've had, I had to fucking earn and whether they end up, I end up. And I'm very happy because I'm here. I'm still here. We go all the way back to Seattle. Yeah, 1995. How many people from that era do you see at the comic store Sunday night when I was sitting next to you?

Be honest with me. Tell the people at home. How many fucking people? No, we were up there with a still down here. Oh, Josh. Josh Wolf. Craig Gass is around. Craig Gass is around.

From that era. No, nobody really. No. So how fortunate are we? I ended up in Seattle by mistake, dog. But yesterday when I was talking to Josh, she says he still remembers. Sitting with you at the volcano. With the volcano.

With container. Right. Mark Gardner. Okay. You all had your notebooks out. He goes, it was so, life was so different that I haven't interested in sorry about the volcano. Is that the cafe?

Yes. Oh. Some cafe. Not the bulldog. And he goes, some days you really miss that. You really miss that part of comedy, how you were really hungry. And I go, you know, if anybody's still really hungry at the Brody, that's what we were talking about yesterday.

And he goes, I guess you're right. I go, no, no, no, no, I can't. I don't have the cardio to what we had in Seattle. I was sleeping five hours a night in Seattle. Right. And it was in a doom blow because I was in love with comedy. Yeah. And I wanted to get better at it.

And if anybody, anybody who's ever done anything and they want to get better at it from either from being an electrician to being a painter, you guys know what I'm talking about when it keeps you up at night. When comedy keeps you up at night thinking of your plan, that means you fucking love it. Only women keep guys up at night or bills or somebody being sick in your family. But to stay up at night thinking about the love you have for comedy and how good you want to be on it.

And while you're sleeping in an office above Josh Wolf's Mexican restaurant where you're paying 125 dollars a month and you have little mattress with a pillow and a blanket. And I thought I was the king of the fucking world. I was, what was that, a hundred yards from the comedy underground. At that time I thought the underground, that particular one, I don't know what the new one is like. Yeah. But that particular one, to me, I still rank it the top five stage I've ever stepped on.

I owe that stage so much. Low ceilings. That one. Wood. The cockroaches, the water bugs on the bathroom. The bathroom. You had to like pull a chain to flush it. Like, wasn't there like a chain you would pull to go to?

You had to walk up the stairs and walk down the stairs, but when you walked up the stairs you opened up the door and there was a jukebox and there were always people at the bar. Swannis. Swannis, the piano guy who was working in poor fucking Swannis, Jesus. You still see him when you go up there? I think it's closed down, isn't it? I have no idea. I think Swannis is gone.

Well, Swannis is gone, but then he reopened the bar with a bunch of people where Josh Wolf's old Mexican bar was. So he hired Josh. Over there. Right. Gotcha. Recently? To help him out?

No. This is 1990 fucking 6th, Brody. I'm sorry. No, I know about that. I remember that. Yeah. 97. He hired him.

I went in for the meeting. I worked at Red Robin. I had experience. What Red Robin did you work at? The one on East Lake, the original Red Robin. Come on. Yeah. Gavin Boyd got me the interview.

Gavin was like an assistant chef at the Red Robin over in Kirkland. Hold on. Hold on. Time out. Assistant chef. Sous chef. Sous chef. I had fucked.

There's no sous chef. Yes, there was. I had Red Robin. Yeah. Fuck. And all the materials come already. Sous chef. What sous chef?

There's no soup chef. They had him at Red Robin. Listen, you were the Red Robin. There's three Mexicans. And they all call themselves one just in case. Well, we had food runners. Yeah. Yeah.

Food runners too. But I worked at the original. There's no fucking chefs. Sous chef. I remember. Ask Gavin. Ask Gavin. And listen, don't get me wrong.

I love Red Robin. Yeah. Red Robin. The fries. The fries. The refills. You know what? I may go.

Where is it? It's up in the Hunger Canyon. No. Topanga's over Topanga. No, no, no, no, no. Red Robin. It's out of the mall. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Me and my wife went up there with the baby. Topanga. And Red Robin. And we were like, what? Remember, I called Lee. I called Lee. Oh, yeah. And my Red Robin having a cheeseburger with steak fries.

Oh, yeah. Steak fries. What? Topanga mall. That's where I was in that Red Robin when I found out that Kobe got caught for rape. That was two weeks ago. That was two weeks ago.

No, son. There's a joke there. But I really was when Jim Hill announced it. That was big. You know, where were you? I was in the mall when I found out magic at AIDS. Yeah. Where was I for that?

That was a shock. I was at the bowl of the mall and I was getting Rose water lemonade. Lee, you would have drank 18 of these at Four of Pop. Why would I drink Rose water? Lee, you never drank anything so good. I have a little water. I like lemonade, but. No, no, no.

I like lemonade made with Rose water. This is 20 a life. No parole. Magic. That that was so surreal. That was surreal. The OJ. Just the magic.

You just couldn't believe that OJ. It was basketball season. It was the playoffs. And I was at my main man, Danny Feebles at one of us softball games. And we were waiting for the pigeon to land. If you know what I'm talking about. And the pigeon was landing big. In those days, I had held out like five days.

Pigeon. I was washing cars at National Renna car in Boulder. I was delivering sandwich with the deli zone dudes. I was putting it together. Lee, I was delivering Chinese food. I was slinging a little bit, but we had a different connection. You're slinging some pigeon. I was doing everything.

Getting chicks. I wasn't getting no chicks. Oh, you had a girlfriend. No, I had nothing in Boulder at this time. I was just a single dude from time to time. I bumped into a victim. I'd go sell a butt for like a fucking eight months. And then I bumped into a chick that would take me to the cleaners.

I wouldn't know what happened. Yeah. And that was no good. They give me one time. They know I'm no good. I'm all coached. I do a couple of dirty things, but besides that, I'm no good. Free porn has really changed the game.

I think. I don't like porn. It's quick and easy. Have you, have you looked at what I like, Brody? Like the, for the live cameras? Oh, you're in. No, I haven't. I like that.

Just people. You can watch people and it's right there. It's happening live. Could you send me the link, please? Yeah. It's chatterbait.com. Chatterbait. And you can watch people have sex live?

Yeah. It's crazy. Couples, girls. Is it free? Yeah. Okay. I'll see you guys later. See you later.

No. Okay. Leah, disgusting. I can't believe you sit there once, those naked people. One of your parents doing a nice job with your naked live people. Do you even donate a dollar? No. What type?

See, that's what I'm saying. Why would I donate a dollar? Because you're watching them. They have people doing that. They have people who talk to them. They get advertising, right? No. No, they don't get advertising, but they get people to send them Amazon gift cards.

That's what I get. Some chick showing you a put. Do they put the pussy right by the camera? Yeah, they'll do whatever you want. Oh, you ask them to? I've never asked for anything. If I was going to ask for something, they ask it a tip. They have scratch and snip?

That's coming in 2018. That's on Apple 2018. They accept PayPal, of course, right? Oh, my God. They're talking about new Apple computers, $5,000. Which one? I don't know. It means nothing.

It's an iMac. The version of this computer, Joey, if we had to rebuy this, it's $5,000. This one was like $1,900 when we bought it four years ago. But it's a desktop. Oh, you just put the kiss of death on it. This is going to go down now in a week, cock sucker. Oh, no, it's working great. No, that's how Apple has them programmed, though.

Apple has them programmed. Right now they're like, are you ready to press the button? Yep. And all of a sudden, two million computers go out. We'll all run into the store, five million a piece, five Gs a piece. They go in fucking Forbes. They made 82 million, 15 minutes short because they zapped everybody's computer real quick. My battery's slow.

With a slow battery. It's crazy, Lee. What a fucking rocket they've created, Apple. Yeah, they're amazing. They're like communism. They got you hooked. Everything is, though. Yeah, they really got you hooked to corporations.

I've seen the growth. Once you globalism, capitalism. I've lived through the growth. Yes, we have. And it's been amazing, the different, I don't know. I don't know how to word this without it sounding just a growth of everything. I love GPS. That's positive.

Once you make a decision with computers or phones, it's kind of hard to get off of it. You learn some of your things on certain ways. I would love to switch to Android, but I don't really have the time to learn a new file. I'm going to get the new iPhone. Even though this phone was shitty from the very beginning. I got one of those duds, but they wouldn't do anything about it. I'm happy you shared that with me. But if you don't get the new iPhone, the old one will slow down eventually.

Yeah. Your one's got a button in it, too. They see the expert, one night you're on the phone, your cousin, and the phone zaps. And then you try to turn it on, it turns back on. And also there's no numbers. And also you got it on the app when they read you the bad news. Listen to your phone, either this, you can wait two weeks. And there's a prison in fucking Ohio where they refix the phones and send them back to you.

But before they send them to you, they suck all the information out. And if you have dirty pictures, they pass them around the imbics. But $10 a picture, they whack off on pictures of your grandmother holding a cat and shit. Joey, that's not far from the truth. That's the truth. I wouldn't lie to you guys. It's all, it's... And all of a sudden they send them back.

What do you think, fix those old phones for three fucking 15 hours? And they sit there, zzz, zzz, welding back. It's prison and made somewhere. But you know what they're doing? Because I just got a ticket. I was in Arizona and I got one of those photo tickets sent to me and I was going 45 and a 36. No, 40, no, 40, 35, I was going 46. I was going 46 and a 35 in Arizona and they got me and like some photo thing.

So I guess what's that, 11 miles over? No, is that still legal, the camera? It's not in California. But I was in Arizona. Well, the red light ones aren't, I'm pretty sure. This was a speeding one. The red lights are legal? I believe they're not.

I can check it. Well, they got me. And then, so I paid it and then hurts because they get it sent, then you have to pay a processing fee. And then you know what, eventually it's going to be like, oh, he got a ticket. Now, automatically his insurance goes up. Automatically he gets points on this record. It's all, I don't want to sound like a conspiracy guy. But you're starting to see stuff like that.

Everything's automated. Everything's this. I'm going to get a ticket for today. You're going to get a ticket? Why? You're parked right there. No, I'm going to get a ticket for today guys. Why?

I had a conference call and everywhere I fucking turned there was fucking traffic. I pull up to the left and the lady in front of me, the light turns green and she's in another fucking planet. I knew I was dead. I'm stuck behind for like two miles. I had 22 miles an hour. I couldn't go around because I'm Christian like, so I took the fucking beating. And I'm like four minutes from the office and I pull up over here by the fire department. And they're doing construction there.

They got me waiting out there. Some little chubby fireman with fucking stop signs and shit and pass and go. He would let one car every eight minutes. I'm dead. So I made the right, right there cut, cut across. I was the first guy on the green light there, but there's a bus station there. And when I made the right, I heard they took a bunch of pictures. I was on camera.

You could hear it? Yeah. I heard it. I was on camera. Oh, well, maybe that. Yeah. Was it a red light? Yeah.

We don't know here. But you said the flash actually. This is in the LA Weekly. It says, Goldsmith has ruled against questions about whether or not you have to pay a red light ticket. Pretty much. You still don't, but Jesus Christ. I was in Arizona.

Got me. So paid it and what can you do? And it probably takes points on my record and maybe I should have done traffic school, but effort. Hopefully I'll book a gig and cover it all because I haven't booked that gig yet. You know, I should have a special, which I shot and it's not out yet necessarily. I should have an album. I did so much warm up, but Joey, everything you've said is right.

You told me to go to New York. You're giving me structure here. You're giving me, I mean, like I said, I need male energy. I was raised by, you know, my parents are divorced, my mom, my sister. That's why I don't want to get political, but I said that Hillary stuff doesn't work. It's going to stress you out. I grew up in it. I was bust.

I did the private school and I knew right away those private school kids were weird. They were weird. They were kind of elitist. I saw it. I was uncomfortable. I'm a good guy. So I would get picked on by the elitist types and also I would get picked on by like blue collar guys.

I get picked on by elitist and I get picked on by African Americans. That's what I got picked on. And you saw like the different energies between, you know, but that's kind of stuff made me a comedian getting picked on. I say, thank God I did that because right now I use it as fuel. And I'm saying like, you know, I'm a little high, you know, that's what happens. But the point is I'm thankful. That's why sports, getting haze, being a rookie, you know, having to do those kind of, you

know, treated that way helps you, makes you a stronger standup, having these problems, you know. Today, I guess, you know, you could be a good looking guy, have a perfect life and be funny. And you know, that's a way to go too, I guess. But is that right? I mean, isn't it funny? Kind of still when the guy's in pain and suffering, but it seems like these days you don't have to.

It'd be great to me. Sorry about that. Those stars are getting to me. The stars are getting to you. But I'm just kind of, I'm stressed out because everything you talk about. You talk about bills. You know, Joey, you are a best damn sports show. I've seen it.

You've been in the movies. I feel I was in the movies too. It's like extra pressure. I was telling my mom today, it was like, you know, I'm willing to live in my car too. Not necessarily for comedy, but for my mom. I got to take care of her. I can't do it. But I can sleep on her couch for 14 days.

And then I could like live in the van, 14 couch on the 14 days on the couch. You know, I'm not a mama's boy, but my sister's not doing it. She's working. I got comedy. Why do you have to go to the couch? Why do you have to go to the van? Well, I go one day or I guess I could run. I could do an Airbnb.

Because how many casinos are in pumps, right? Went to one last night out in Indio. How many are there? Probably like five in that area. Why don't we put this small room together? Yeah. Give, when you're down there with your mom. Have a gig.

I have a daytime at night. Make sure she's in red water. The 911 button. Yeah. And you shoot over. You do your hour and a half. Brodie Stevens presents. And even if you start with three people, it's a different market.

Brodie, your mind. God, you're so... You know, I don't, I do not believe, with comedy, you can waste so much time. Brodie. On Periscope, right? I don't know. Tweeting. Brodie, I...

Instagram. If you think I'm happy with the results of my life, you're crazy. But it's interesting to me that I'm still here amongst you guys. That's very interesting to me. Interesting. So I say to myself every day, wow, at the end I was in the hallway at the comedy store waiting to go up. And there's a lot of pictures in there that you don't really...

I don't go in there. I don't go in the booth where people pay to go in. I never go in that room. I saw comics that were fucking there kicking ass when they're not even in the hallway anymore. I thought these guys would be here forever. They're gone, Lee. Where do they go? Back off into a regular life somewhere?

Yeah. I don't know what happens. Because I got into this to do this to the fucking end. But before I go up, I'm like, I can't believe I'm still doing spots here twenty fucking years later. So I know how lucky we are. But at the same time, I'm not as insecure about my skills as I used to be. Like for years when I got here, I was always very insecure.

So that's why I went on stage at the comedy store especially. If I got fifteen minutes, I gave you fifteen minutes of thunder. You know what I'm saying? What was it like back then? Well, when we got here in 97. Yeah. Well, you were there for three years. Yeah.

I was the 1245 guy. Right. Yeah. I was the 1am guy. 115, 1245, 1230 was the earliest I went up. Yeah. Every once in a while, I'd be walking through the hallway and they go, Joey, you want to go up now and do your spot?

Fuck yeah. 1030. I'm out of there. I could start blowing shit. So what was the vibe like in 97, 98, 99? You hated. Really? It was more negative back then, right?

No. No, no, no. It was a different comic from eight. In those days, it was always Argus. And then it was just a comic, still a lot of comics I don't even remember. I didn't know if there was a game anymore. You don't? So they were there before 11 o'clock comics.

Right. They had credits and shit like that. Then in those days, Paul Mooney would come in. And then after that, there was an array of comics. I was part of the array of comics after Paul Mooney and I would always follow Paul Mooney. So I would have to go up there while people were getting up and walking out. So I had two minutes to just refocusing them, which taught me a lesson there. That's a skill.

And then how to, it's 1245. They listened to everything already by now. Just go. Start talking and keep machine gunning them. And you remember little bits that you were going to drop on them. Yep. And it's 1245. A joke you wrote that you think is brilliant is going to die a slow death.

And then you have to dig yourself out of a hole that fucking 10 Vietnamese can't dig themselves out of. You understand me? Just fucking cut the joke in half. Go for it. Go for the fucking punchline and run from there. Get them first laughing hard and hope that the rest guy. And if you get them hard at 1245, it's like when you're in high school and you play football. First play.

Everybody knows. First play. Wherever the fuck you're standing across from, you don't look them in the eye. You don't let them know. Listen, this is the first play. This is your shot to let me know who you are. Oh, I got to let you know the fuck I am. Whenever I went on stage, that's always the mentality.

That's why people used to say, I hate comedy. I expect you to perform in three minutes. I used to be the king of three minutes. It's got to push. Just right out of the gate. Right out of the gate. Why fuck around? Whenever the fucking comic in front of his voice was, you're going to be a little bit louder, but not too loud.

And you're going to learn how to pitch your voice outward instead of this way. That's what's going to make that room act differently. You moved your voice even though you were using a microphone? Jesus Christ. After 20 years, I thought about this and I watched me a couple of weeks ago. I saw myself do it, especially in the main room. Listen, somebody in front of you like Crystal Lee, it goes up in front of you in the main room. And you have to follow that.

That's death. That's hard. That's death, gee. So you got 39 seconds after Crystal Lee. Well, you're going to have a long night. Although I know, I lived that horror show about twice already. I did good behind the scenes in the main room, in the original room. Yeah.

They brought you up there. Yeah. That was fun. Because there's two different energies in those rooms. Yeah. Main room compared to the OR. I could be dying in the original room and kicking up after the eight minute mark. Because I know it's the energy.

Yeah. And once I feel energy, I got to pray for that second right to land. Yeah. And if that second right lands, we're taking a ride for the last seven minutes. Yes. I will get off on the big applause as soon as I see that big light. And I'll walk out of there smelling like a rose. Yep.

It's just like going into a 15 round fight, losing the first eight rounds and winning the last fucking seven. Not to mention, you knock them out with 10 seconds left. Yes. That's the journey. Yes. That's the journey. And a lot of people don't want to take that journey because those eight minutes are

hell. Me? I've lived in hell, motherfucker. I don't do nothing down called Joey. I've been up there for 20 minutes and nobody's left. Eight minutes is an eternity. But I know at some point I have jokes that I can turn this room around. Or I can just lose my fucking mind and then rely on the jokes later.

If I lose my mind and I get them, oh, my don't know me as the Italian say, because then I got the prepared material coming behind that. It's like stealing. It's just like stealing. You just got to do the work. You're not going to learn these things out about yourself unless you don't do the work. And most importantly, you write them down. Tape them, write them down.

I would do the youth hostel every Wednesday night, every Sunday night. The audience warm up was the other thing that just start, stop getting these high school kids in, getting these paid audience and community college. I mean, I cut my teeth doing that because I had to get over to learn to public speak. And I sold t-shirts for the Seattle Supersonic Games, being the waiter because I was good at baseball, but I wasn't in that artistic world. And then I just had to force myself. Jay Leno, I listened to his book, he said, you want to get into comedy?

Learn to public speak. Just talk. Then I did that cable access show. I did the public speaking. And then I went to New York. I was a tour guide at Radio City Music Hall. I barked at the comedy seller. I did all these weird things, but you know what?

I got to believe in myself as a stand-up comedian. And because I've done so many, I've spread thin doing that. I think the last couple of years, I really focused on my stand-up and put my energy into that. And last night or the other night, following you is a great time, and I really appreciate that. And I like these, I'm having a great time tonight, and it's about, it's a weird world out there.

It's a weird world these days, and you've got to stay positive. I put out positive energy, and I don't know what my next gig is. I'm doing bumper shoot. That's what I'm excited about. Seattle, I'm doing bumper shoot. Isn't that ironic? Isn't that ironic? One of my, could be my final festival.

Who knows? It's bumper shoot. And that is... It's still Pat Wilson. Who knows? I don't know. That's funny. I don't know who's booking it up there, but there's libel to be a riot.

It's Labor Day weekend. That's, you know, it's summer time's over. It's Seattle. You got people coming up from Portland. It's Labor Day. You got Lord playing. You got Weezer playing. You got Brody doing comedy.

Something's going down in Seattle. Bumper shoot. You heard it here first. Somebody's going to, like, notify the FBI. Brody, I was getting information. That's my vibe. They're going to put you in a fucking tent out there like they did. Remember years ago, Pat Wilson would book one of the festivals there.

It was the local guys, Kermit Appio, the other guy who won Rodney Sherwood. Listen to that. That was a fucking name from the past. He was great. But these, these like a Pat Wilson never gave, you know... No, they didn't give us... Never gave it up. She gave me the Army Base.

I never even got that. And then there was a Spanish guy in Seattle, Alberto, who used to book the old improv, which they changed over. In fact, I saw Soundguard. At the show box? The show box. Yes. Good for you, my brother.

I think it's still there. What was the name of the bar that we were going to across the street from the show box downstairs? It was very Bushwater. Rod along used to go there. He took me. I took Josh Wolfe. Then we all started going over there in little comics.

Do you remember? I didn't get that one. No. Downstairs. Great energy. Pioneer Square. The music scene was on fire. I mean, it was post-Grunge, but...

Then we used to walk down to McCormick and Schmitz. Yeah. And they had the four to seven o'clock menu, the mooch menu, and they had a cheeseburger that had soda, clam chowder, sourdough bread, oh my godly, and then it went again from 11 to 1. Oh, we'd walk in at 10, 59, give us the big table, two dollars, give us the whole menu, one shot, give it to us again. The cheeseburgers are delicious cheeseburgers, and they give you like a shrimp cocktail.

You ever go down the menu? Yeah, 14 bucks. Would we still do that today if we were that age? Today we don't do it as much because we go home to the internet, there's too much great in, or we've, quote-unquote, developed a character, made a career, you know, going out like that. Do people still go out like that all the time? I think Jeff Ross goes out quite a bit, like goes out at night, you know, or David Tell, these guys are out there at night.

Is there that... I don't eat at night. Oh, you don't? I smoke pot and I go back to the hotel room and I'm pretty happy, I'm 54 years old. If I was 42 and single, sure, I go get a bite to eat and I would talk to people who came to the show and smoke more dope, you know, a little bit more. You know, I don't do drugs, I don't really drink, I'm not going to get sloppy in public. It's a different show, but I remember, listen, man, you're sitting there, you're old, you're

thinking of your comedy career, and I have to tell you something, the highlight of my comedy career was that one year and a half in Seattle. That really let me know who I was and what I needed to do. New York let me know how much work it was going to give me to become a comic. This going to Seattle made me realize how much work it was going to be to kick it up to the next level, which was Feature Act. I was going to skip over MC and go right to the Feature Act. I was already featuring for Tribble and One Night is Why Am I Got an MC, you know what

I'm saying? Everybody said no call, whatever, I refused, and I finally got a feature spot at this comedy underground opening up for Laurie Kilmartin, who's still around Labor Day weekend. Are you fucking kidding me or what? That was the highlight of my life, the $200. It was $50 a set. Good gig. $200 at the comedy underground though.

I apologize if you've talked about this before, but I think you might have, but I know how you have your notebook with everything that you do. Do you have years and years of all your gigs that you've done? Yeah. Jesus. I have tons of cassette tapes from, see I went to New York also, once I went to New York and Joey told me to go to New York, and once I went to New York I didn't look back on Seattle.

I look back fondly on Seattle as I get older now, more so even though I just do. I've always had fondness for it, but I also have fondness for that New York comedy scene. I can really spread my wings there. You're staying up to four or five in the morning, I'm doing the tour guide stuff. I had to go to New York and prove to myself, can I be funny on the East Coast? Can I be funny in some of the toughest crowds, tough people, and I was able to do it. But I wasn't, I did late night spots at Stand Up New York, but I had no confidence to ask Estie at the comedy cellar because I barked there.

I was barking. I could have been in the next, you know, no, who was, what's the name? Brody Stevens. No, no, the guy who Lee, I'll think of his name, but he moved, he ran the, he was the MC, then he moved to, he did the Boston Comedy Club and then he moved, I forget his name, but I'll find out. You know, Brody, just the fact that we're still here in the arena of comedy just thrills me.

I don't even give a fuck about that, but I do really cherish that comedy zone, that comedy scene up there. When we used on Mondays, we'd leave the underground and go to a place that was fancy, and they had cages and shit, and we did comedy there a few times, and I don't think we went back because they wouldn't give us money. And then we started going to Tacoma and doing the comedy. Crossroads? Whatever that was for that chick.

In fact, she became my friend on Facebook and sent me a message. Susan Jones? Yes. Nice lady. Yeah. I went to that contest many a night with zero on my gas tank and zero in my pocket and left there with a yardstick and the host for the following week to pick up a small yardstick. That was at the, the Crossroads, Ken ran the room.

Oh my God. Are you fucking kidding me, people? You know what it's like to drive to a contest knowing you have to win to get the yardstick, and if you win, you get a yardstick the next week. Then you come back the next week, and if you win again, you get the yardstick, you keep getting the fucking yardstick. I would take time off and go down there with three new minutes and fucking blast them and then take another month off and blast them.

Get them for two and a half hours every like six weeks. Seattle was just great for development. I just feel like in Arizona, I never had that, never had that energy for it. Just wasn't there. But Seattle, Seattle is just so much to chew on. So green, so wet. So and look at all the creativeness that's come out of Seattle, Amazon, Costco, some other things.

But Microsoft, Microsoft, Red Robin, a lot of things came out of Seattle, Space Needle. You know, I can't believe that three of us are still fucking here to win stand up. If you were to tell me in 1997, shut your mouth, stop busting Brody's balls. He's going to be doing a podcast with you in a studio in fucking studio cities some night. I'm going to go, you're crazy. Brody will be playing baseball somewhere, so shit by that. I thought this was like a shortcut for you until you told me a life story and then we

fucking, you went to New York and you actually did it. People said you were out there like connected with you on the phone and some shit. Just get to what a crazy ride, Commiesman. It's been fun. I still have fun. I love, you know, that's one thing. When I have my spot at the comedy store, I'm always excited about it. I mean, I, me personally, I just, when that day comes, I'm not into it.

You know, it's a day. And I knew it right away when I was taking that workshop at UCLA. I was excited to go. It was, that was the, you know, what I was into. And same thing with Seattle, the open mics, the cable access. I just pushed it, you know, I sold t-shirts for the Seattle SuperSonics. I had to train myself. So, but I learned from, we were so lucky that we were learning in Seattle non-showcase comedy.

We were out of LA. We learned about opener, middle, road, corporate, clean, um, how to, you know, how clubs ran, you know, corporate, you guys taking cruise ships. So that was, that was a great scene. You know. Another funny night of comedy in Seattle and people, I don't have a lot of these. I had one night in Boston with Stan Hope, one night in Boston with Seattle and one night, oh, don't hold me to the names, people.

But there was a town like where Josh Wolf had his old apartment. There was a strip club there. We were all... Northgate? He was up north. He had a house? Yes. He rented a house.

It was like Northgate, like Aurora and a Hunter or something. So up there, there was a restaurant owned by like a Greek guy, and he wanted to do comedy on Wednesday nights. And we would go up there, but the night would always end because somebody would curse on stage. I don't know if I like the curse. He would go totally insanely. Do you remember this or you were gone by then?

I didn't do that once so much. Okay. So we would go up there like once a month, like 16 of us would invade that place and count Hopkins the third. Count Hopkins. You guys like that, right? Cleveland, Chas Aamlin. Yeah, Chas Aamlin.

Ramona. What kind of actor? Count Hopkins the third? Alphox. Oh, and it was hysterical because Count Hopkins the third was a black dude. I figure. That was a great guy. He was my friend.

I wish it was like a white guy. But guys, he was basically purple. Like when you hear that expression about black, like when he'd open up his mouth, it would be pink and his skin would disappear. I mean, he was one of the darkest brothers you'd ever see in his life. Now, Count Hopkins was like a feature. Count Hopkins the third was like a feature act. At the same time, I'm dear friends with a headliner named Rad Long.

Now, Rad Long is a Seattle native, worked hard all his life. Did Jesus Christ brought his teeth? You know why? I'll tell you why. You're a young fucking man. Get it together. Because when I drove up here today, I took a Red Bull. So Red Bull makes me take a leak.

Unbelievable. You got to live with the young man. This is what this cholesterol medication is. That's why I said. You got to go to that thyroid doctor. Your thyroid is all fucked up. So this guy was a black dude. That was light skin brother.

Very articulate. Great joke writer. Okay. All right. Always wore a suit. Great guy. Just knew his marijuana was a great photographer. I loved him till today.

I got his phone number in my fucking phone. I still adore him and I learned a lot of comedy from him. We drove from California to Seattle a few times. Me and him drove from Seattle to California and back three times just to showcase for shit. That's how tight we were. And he always took good care of me. So I always think about him and he had a family and shit.

But to make a long story short, Rod along comes up to me one night. Now again, you just know me five years, but you have to learn the mind of Uncle Joey. Right. Rod along comes up to me and he goes, you know, this motherfucking black dude count out because the third. And I go, yeah. And all he goes, when he does comedy, you watch him as he do all my jokes. What?

And I'm like, I don't know. How dare he accuse the count? How? How? But once you tell me that I'm going to feel fired. So okay. So let's say someone comes to you with their problems. You see it as a way to torture the mentally and to labor.

No, because somebody came to me and said, my God, fucking Rod along is really pissed. The count happens to third. Right. You know, I was like, really? And like, oh my God, he's fucking furious. Trouble in the kingdom. That kind of happens a third. So I would get him fired up about how it happens a third.

What's going on? Every time I saw him for about, for about two months, every time I saw him, I'd say, Rod along, what's going on, what kind of happens a third? Fuck that nigga motherfucker. He would just go off for like three or four minutes. That black ass motherfucker stole my joke and shit. Oh my God. So now I got him going.

I got him going like for three months, everything. And then one day he figured out, I guess he brought along looking at me. He's like, why are you always asking me about God? I don't know. I don't know. I don't see him. I don't see you. But I was seeing Rod at that time twice a week.

He was taking me on a couple gigs, you know, local Donna Richards, yeah, he did all the sports gigs. Yeah. I wouldn't do those of them. Those have to be clean. But those are his big corporate. He was like one of the go to guys for the Seahawks or the Mariners. Yeah, he had a great living.

Yeah, that was his name. And he had a big, a good day gig. Like he did Cal, he did like work on the roads. He was very fortunate, man. So, you know, Rod, no, man, Cliff Barnes was that guy. Cliff Barnes was another guy. He's another great sweet out of a dude. I really remember him well.

Me too. Great guy. And so was Rod along. Rod along. I might see him. Rod along. Have a couple of cocktails. I'm like, oh, Rod along.

What's going on with Count Hopkins at 3rd? He'd start on them again. That motherfuckers doing my jokes. I'm telling you. So now I would fucking wait till Friday night, like one in the morning, I'd call Rod along on his cell phone. And if he didn't answer the phone, I'd go, Rod along, pick it up. I go, Count Hopkins is down there.

Hang up. Right. Were you with your friends or were you just by yourself? I'm by myself. Oh, my God. I'm by myself in those days, coked up to the gills, just sitting there trying to laugh at something. You know?

And that's what I would do to a man. Oh, my God. Rod along. Rod along lived for a year of me tormenting him not once. Was he out on the same night with Count Hopkins at 3rd? You would just say he was? I would just make up shit to Rod along when he was home and he couldn't leave. I'd say, Rod, Rod, hurry up.

Like, if I talk to Rod in the daytime and he go, man, I got a baby so my wife got something till midnight. I knew Rod couldn't leave the house at midnight. So I would call him about telling her, yo, fucking, Count Hopkins is down here doing your material. No. Oh, wow. That black motherfucker better not be doing my material.

He would go off. Cause he was a little buzzed. Who? Rod along. No, Rod would be straining out with his kids. He hated the thought of Count Hopkins doing his material, but Count Hopkins had never done his material. 3rd.

So you started that? No. I did not start that. Rod along started on himself. I was taking a leave and I lived him and I lived him on fire. He didn't correct himself. I never, ever said to him, I saw Count Hopkins stealing material. I always egged him on in a weird way.

I don't know. What about Al Fox? That was funny. He got pissed. Al Fox was that was, that was funny. You know, that, at that point I was doing comedy four years seriously, two and a half years. Okay.

People. Let me tell you what happened. I went to an open mic up in Seattle and they put me up like number two. I have it on video somewhere. I got like three minutes. No, you don't know something. No, I don't. But.

Oh, you have the video. So I went there. I was like number three and I got to be honest with you people. I thought I was doing the right move at that time again. I wasn't sure if I was going to stay in Seattle. I had a daughter in Boulder. I had been gone for about two weeks at this point. My rent was paid till September to make up my mind till September pretty much.

The relationship in Boulder wasn't going anywhere and here I am up in Seattle. I got a, you know, a piece of ass that's a dirty whore, you know, I'm going through hell, but I'm fucking doing comedy. Yeah. At not a great comedy club, but one of the best comedy clubs in the fucking country. Comedy Underground. And I'm living in the music capital of the fucking world right now. Coffee.

And coffee. Coffee. I didn't drink coffee in those days. I was eating teriyaki up at that fucking place. Number one teriyaki. Number one teriyaki. That was my spot till this day. She cut the chicken with scissors.

Yeah. Till this day, I compare everything to up there, the fucking salad dressing. Oh yeah. The salad dressing. Like a tangy ranch. And it's the same one that everybody else has, but they did it different and they sliced those cucumbers real thin. They were the first people to slice cucumbers really fucking thin.

They were professionals. A to Z, 20 fucking years ago, you understand me? It was so. The rice. Like a ball of rice. There was days I was shameful because I'd be in there three times in a day. The to go box. Huge box.

I didn't have it there. I put that red sauce on it, takoyaki, and I fucking walk it over to the underground. Eat it downstairs. I eat it downstairs. Or in the back. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah.

We would eat in the back. Bill the bartender. He was great with his laugh. But I know what I was telling you. So here I am. Number three. I've got all these problems and I'm sitting here about to watch the rest of this comedy show.

In those days, he would put up 17, 18 comics. The last guy did 15 or 12. The weekly. The weekly. The weekly. On Monday night. No, no, no. The guy was just, it could have been you, but he believed in your call.

Okay. So that's how called it. And so that first Monday, I'm sitting there guys and I'm waiting to see comedy brilliance. I am waiting to see why I'm leaving my life in Boulder. I am as excited as can be. I just been on the road for two weeks on a triple run brodies. Those are, those are tough, right? The triple ones at that time.

Yeah. Brutal. First triple one road game. It was two weeks of learning everything. A to Z. You know how to eat what, how much money I could spend, you know, I didn't really ask for drugs in those days. I was winging it in those days.

It was a different scenario, but I'll never forget number four was that kid who killed himself. Jeff Masters. What's the half come? God bless his soul. But as soon as he went on stage, brother, you know, it was a mental health problem. Like the three guys after me had mental health issues and if you didn't know that, who were they?

I didn't come on. No, no, Rita was in that neighborhood. Rita was in that neighborhood also. She got some four to like eight. It was just people that were, they came down every week. They went up three to four weeks. They didn't write a new joke. They didn't want to write a new joke.

And this is what they did every week and they had a day job. They didn't do gigs for certain reasons and it was very like I would sit there and go, who would come down here on Monday night, put up with this abuse to do six minutes and not be a professional comedian. Like I learned some, I've ever been down there one night and everybody was so high on heroin drug to wait. This is when not the Asian hot one that dated that dude with the long hair and in the bartender. There's a real, real pretty girl of the block.

I forget her name. Come on. Don't dog. I was in that place on the summer of 96 and those motherfuckers were nodding on a Monday night. You couldn't get a drink in there because the weight, weight staff was high on fucking heroin. I didn't realize that. What did the customers think?

The customers were just sitting there waiting for fucking something to happen. We would get crowds for the open mics. That's the thing. Monday and Tuesday. Monday and Tuesday. Lee, they'd get anywhere from 60 to 100 people. Open Mike. I got to be honest with you guys about six years ago.

I was going through tapes when we were moving into the valley and I saw this tape and I threw it in and it was a melody of tapes upset that I had taped over the years and guess what came up on Monday night in Seattle and in those days we had six minutes and it was a Monday night at this time again in my life I was living through a personal out. Yes. I had a girlfriend that was pretty. Yes. We'd 69 and do dirty, dirty, dirty things, but she was a whore and I was crazy.

It's not a good combination. What the fuck am I talking about? You're talking about Seattle, your life up there, what was going on because I'll tell you what, thank God we went to Seattle like we said. Yes. Mitch Hedberg was up there. People knew. No, a bunch of fucking people were up there.

They all came up. All the San Francisco comics, they came up there. They got it. I met so many fucking people. We were learning Seattle and so many people. I was in all of great speed in Seattle. I mean corporate. Oh, I saw who else the fuck I see.

It was just that Seattle was a three year college education for me that I thought I'd never, ever have. The truth is right here. This is 20 fucking years later, he's sitting right in front of me. I'll tell you, I was an internship at Cairo Sports. I wanted to learn about sports radio. I had already graduated from Arizona State. I wanted to be an intern.

So I signed up for a class at Bellevue Community College to be an intern for Cairo CBS Sports. I'd go down to the Mariner games, interview the players and I did a couple stand up sports like hi everybody. I'm Stephen Brody reporting live from the kingdom, but it just wasn't my thing. Being Brody, doing that cable access show, getting on stage and ranting and that's when you said go to New York and I went to New York and I went down to the Lower East Side and I did surf reality where they didn't want jokes. They wanted you.

They wanted craziness. They wanted drumming and I broke through and I did that, really found my voice, didn't look back on Seattle and then the tour guide stuff and just, you know, you got to live in New York. It's like you got to wake tables. You got to live in New York. You got to take public transportation. You got to be around all different people.

Now look, the world's crazy right now. I don't know if those rules still apply, but for growing up in the Valley, yes, I always wanted to go to New York, just like growing up watching WOR met games and was just something about the Yankees and come play Anaheim Stadium and it was just New York. I knew I had to go to New York and then my friend got the job with the Yankees, Borzello, and it's like, now I get to hang out with the Yankees, get to go to Yankee Stadium, but I wasn't there to go to Yankee Stadium, you know, and I did have pressure like, why don't you come to the Yankee games?

It's like, I got to go to surf reality. I got to go to stand up New York. I got to go to Gotham and get on stage. But I experienced New York and all that stuff, Seattle and it just got me ready for LA and Seattle to you was New York to me, my brother. See, there you go. As you were talking, you just said something to me. I was in New York for nine months and I went to New York, let's be honest, I went for three

reasons. I went to get away from what I had going on in Boulder. I went to hook up with this girl, that was phenomenal. As the third number three though, was coming, but with a tight full, I wasn't doing cocaine and getting up at $20 a gram in Harlem. So I went back to fucking New York and New York to me was Seattle to you. I did a couple of things, not TV, nothing, but I was getting spots and I was going to New York comedy club.

He liked me, so he put me up and I'd bomb. I was just a fucking bomb machine then. And one day I went into your old triple in, yep, on 54th and eight. So John Leguzamo at two in the morning and I left and it hit me like a bag of bricks. And I said, I'll go to Colorado and do this dirty work. Well, and that was my plan. I went to Colorado and did that dirty work only in Colorado. Why did that?

Why did John Leguzamo at that moment? Why did that make you want to go back to Boulder? Because I thought, now I understood what comedy was. For a long time I thought that I'd call Brody, this is, this is, you know, and I talked about this before. This is how I naive I was about comedy. So I thought comedy was always like, hey, Lee, who's your favorite comedian? I love Brody Stevens.

Why do you like him? He's Jewish, he's neurotic, I love Brody Stevens, all right? Thank you. Brody Stevens, agent, and call him and see what he's doing tonight. That's what I thought comedy was and they would call you up and they'd say, Brody, you're available to shoot tonight. Well, what's the take, the take is 30 minutes, HBO, whatever. That's how I thought stand-up was.

Wow. And then, and then fucking whatever your name is, you came down there, you went on stage, you did your hour very casually, like this isn't the top of your head. That's how fucking we started and drugged up and out of prison. I got into it thinking, okay, here's what's going to happen, I'm going to go on stage maybe 10 times and on the 10th time, somebody's going to see me and that's going to be it. I don't have to do none of this shit, none of the people I have to do. Right.

So I was going out to comedy clubs at night and the back of my mind going, look at these peasants. Peasants. You know what I'm saying? I got it all right. Street smart. Energy. I'm going to do this in 10 minutes and get the fuck out of here.

And that's what I would do. I would do it in 10 minutes and get the fuck out of it. It was just something that, but I failed as a New York comedian. Like I couldn't do what regular people were doing in New York. That was too much movement for me at night. Yeah. I liked going out to maybe two places. But she started making me go to Staten Island in Queens without a car.

Like I got a car one time. I'm in Atlantic City in Crab Legs with my boy Jimmy Burkle, just God's sake, rich as so. And we got a call at five o'clock to be in whatever fucking Connecticut at eight o'clock at this moose bar. And we drove up there right away and we made it just in time. And you know, we did this moose bar, whether they pay a buck on the court or whatever, you know, I liked that type of adventure.

Right. If I was fucking single, my comedy career would be completely different. I'd be working six nights a week, cleaning the soba, how I am now, all he is reefer on the road. Yeah. There's tons of reefer on the road. I would get a bus to get my man Lee here. I'd at least sleep in the fucking chairs.

I would turn his bedroom into a studio for podcasting. Oh, gee. Thanks. And the podcast from the van. Yeah, that's it. For me, what brought me back to LA? I knew I wanted to come back when I was 30, but doing these shows downtown, I got a chance to host a couple and Dave Chappelle was on and Todd Berry and Mark Marin and I was kind

of holding my own. I was holding my own. I was doing okay. I didn't bring the show down. So I was hosting and then I did a couple spots and at that point I felt like it was the summertime. My apartment was hot. I wasn't, you know, it's funny. I mean, I knew I could do, I knew going because my friends that I met in New York, they're

all moving to LA to work on these TV shows. So they were working at these late night TV shows and they told me like I had a chance to get on them. And once I did some of those shows at Luna Lounge on the Monday night, those hip shows, because I was doing late night spots at the comedy clubs, but I wasn't ready for those prime timers yet. How did you react to Winters at first, Brody? They didn't bother me because I went to Seattle.

I went to Seattle and kind of prepped me for it. That's why I knew the reason I went to Seattle is because I have aunts and uncles and cousins up there and I went up there in like 1980. So I just remember going to a scene of the Mariners and going to the Jewish Community Center and seeing the Super Sonics work out there lying there. That was when they were winning. Freddie Johnson down, you know, Gus Williams. Why were they using the JCCs?

That's where they worked out. They worked out at the Jewish Community Center, Maurice Lucas, I think was there. So I fell in love with Seattle. I knew what was up there. And then when I played baseball my freshman year, so this is 1989, I went up to Alaska to play baseball in the summertime, 24 hour daylight up in Alaska. And we worked our way down to British Columbia. And I just remember driving through British Columbia, how beautiful it was, how green

it was, how the mountains, I just loved it. And then I spent, I spent about maybe like a week in Seattle with my aunts and uncles and I just felt the vibe there. And that's when I started listening to Nirvana, I remember listening to Nirvana and flying out to Seattle. And then that whole scene, the grunge scene started in 91, you know, a pearl jam and sound garden. So I knew there was some kind of energy up there, put it in my back pocket.

And then when I was done with school, we had the Northridge earthquake. I was working at Macy's out at Topanga Plaza, you know, selling China on the fourth floor, spinning my wheels, living up in the hills of a Berzello, you know, just like LA to start here is almost impossible. I mean, I mean, it's different now. But back then, I didn't have the support system, you know, I'm living out in the valley. I, I had no, that's why I went to, I took a workshop. Let me describe for people what it's like.

It's like the only comparison we could describe to you is doing comedy here in LA. If you start here in LA, that's not good because your mental state is even different because everybody's talking about comedy with the final end already you being on TV. When you start in Michigan, which I love to use in the example because they have such a huge state. So they have all these little like Flint and all these little cities they do comedy in because in the winter, they're ain't dig to do. They do kind of, you could make, you could start as an emcee in Michigan.

What's that? They all do pop up the map of Michigan and let's I'll tell you how many comedy clubs there are in Michigan. Just without me even looking at the comedy club list, you know, okay, this is how fucking bad to the bone. I am. I will tell you. And if I'm lying to you, tighten me back and say all the comedy club clothes there.

That's how many clubs there are in Michigan. It's a big state. If you want to start comedy and you don't want to be seen, you either go to mission, you either go to Michigan or Texas. That's where you go for three years. If you don't want to see, you go to Austin or Houston back then, you travel all through the state of Texas. You're always moving through the state of Texas.

You're doing bar. There's so many fucking comedy holes in Texas that you cannot even fucking imagine like map of Michigan with the names of it. All those little cities guys have fucking comedy. I can't see shit. Enjoy. This has nothing to do with like best damn sport show that you're talking standup comedy. Did doing best damn sport show help you as a standup comedian being on live, you know,

live to tape so many times there and knocking it out every time? Did that help at all with standup comedy or this is something completely different? Other than maybe just put this was the best damn sport show was fucking great experience because it was me in front of a camera. So anybody watch that fucking thing? I have no idea. I think they did. Grand Travis is Michigan.

Keeps has comedy. Here on has comedy. Saginaw has calm. Kalamazoo. Kalamazoo has comedy. Grand Rapids. Skigen has comedy. Detroit.

St. Clair has comedy. He going up. These are just the counties. The other way. The other way. G. These are the other way. No.

What are you going into the ocean? I thought that was two sides of those two sides. That's the way. That's like Michigan. The other way. The other way. All that little island. Upper P.I.

Upper P.I. there. What the fuck do they each by mean? Michigan. Michigan militia. All right. Go down. Scroll down my friend. Marquette.

That's a different Marquette. Mackinac Island. Yeah. Mackinac Island with that kid from Seattle. Stu Stewart would go out there. Stu Stewart. Ran like a comedy show. Yeah.

Right there so you can see everything. Good memory. There you go. But these are counties. Keep going my friend. I know. Keep going. But all these counties have Michigan.

And these are the ones we fucking know of. Michigan. All of St. Joseph's. All of that. Niles. All of that. It's called. Michelle Walker.

Yeah. All of those places have some sort of economy. Yeah. Go look at the map of Michigan by this. By the city. But what that says. Joey told me. He said, you know, go away for six months and then come back.

Go out on the road. Stay out of LA. And then they'll see your growth. You know, you got to come back and you got to leave and come back a monster. Yeah. You got. It's like if you were going to do steroids, how would you do steroids? You'd sit in front of these people that you've been around all your life doing steroids and

they wouldn't even notice you. They would say something looks different about you. You disappear for eight months. You promise yourself. You know what? You have a cousin. His name is Lee. He goes to college in Boston.

Oh. He told you get your job in the coffee shop at the university and you could scratch his floor. Boom. That's it. You know why your cousin's going there, Lee? Why? Because he read over the year about all the great comics that came out of Boston.

Because that was a fantastic scene. So you have this fucking dream as a young comic and all of a sudden you got a cousin who goes to college in Boston and you're like 28, you know, you could still fit in. It's not like Joey knocking on your door. Hey, let me sleep on your floor. It's somebody who's your age. Let me tell you something, man. You do calculate all that type of shit.

I agree with all that type of stuff, especially in the beginning, especially in the beginning. You find the cousin or something. You look at the map good and they have two comedy clubs in the one nighter. That's what it shows you. That means there has to be four open mics. But the only way you're going to know is by getting on the bus and going there. You're not going to find that in your house. It's not going to tell you.

When you go out to that comedy club, people are going to go, what are you doing Tuesday night? Nothing. Why? They do comedy, Rusty Nail, from 8 to 10. And then we go over to Malacca's and they give you $100 a piece. Boom. I know what I'm doing Tuesday night.

And all of a sudden when you get there Tuesday night, what are you doing tomorrow night? We do the VFW. It's only $35 a set, but it's better than nothing. Boom. There you go. You've got to go out to middle of a minute. You've got to go out to fucking metal. You still do, right?

At the comedy, it's human. It's emotion. You have to... There's no... It really isn't a shortcut. The bottom line is you've got to go out on the road. But it's changed a little bit now with the internet. These guys could study comedy, really study it, visualize it, like become these...

You can find your voice quicker these days. Would you say? I think you could find your voice and the amount of time you'd like... Let me explain something. My first year and a half, I watched so much stand-up comedy. I rented the tape so many times from the video store that the guy wouldn't even charge me anymore. The BET...

No, no. The HBO, what was it? Deaf Comedy Time? Yeah. All Stars. But the most important one was Rodney Dangerfield. Yeah. Broke Dice.

With Dice and Hicks and Roseanne. There was two tape series. That drove me crazy. That's all I want over and over and I made notes like a football coach and I looked at their mannerisms and that's all I wanted to be for Christ's sake, people don't remember that feeling anymore. You know, it's like... And you didn't even want to tell people.

You still got that job over at the car light yet. You don't even want to go into it because people are going to try to tell you, stand up, tell me, it ain't that funny. I had to get my house that day. Yeah. Lee, you were right over there. Yeah, my butt was hurting. Your butt was hurting.

You ready for another star? No. Why not? How many stars are you eating? I didn't even count. Eight four. No, I know. But I...

I ate at least six. I don't know. That's suspect. See, I was so focused on baseball and people, you know, I just never did the arts. Never was into my mom, you know, we didn't push... We pushed baseball. I liked throwing. I liked the structure of Little League and I just kept always...

I never was like a performer before. I did some silly performances and then just playing baseball, just goofy faces and stuff and then later on people would say, Brody, you're funny. They told me I was funny. I never like told people I was funny. I was afraid of the ball. I was fine throwing. I still am.

Me too. Yeah, I don't want to... I got hit one. I got... I was playing catch and hit me in the face. That's well... I mean, I've been hitting my eye through the sun, I've been lying drives back. I'm not afraid of catching the ball, but like fielding the ball or like, yeah, if a

pitcher is throwing 95 miles an hour, but I was a pretty good pitcher. I got... I feel like I have no bitterness on my baseball. I felt like I got the most out of it and even to this day, you can still be around major leaguers. You don't have to pitch in the game. You can still, you know, I tell people, it's like, I visualize stuff. If you visualize it, it can happen.

You know, I visualize being able to do a few things. There's something to that, like whether you call it meditation or I was a visualizing dog. When I wanted to realize that I want to become a comic, I focused on blow and getting on fucking stage and writing stupid fucking jokes backed by energy and anger from the check I was driving and my divorce and how it broke I was. So it worked. You know, I never believed in Seattle or fucking.

Okay comic, I thought. And then I went to a couple of places in LA and I was like, you know what, I may be better than a little. Okay. And that's when you blew up. Like you were... No. And then I went to the improv and stuff and I'm like, oh shit.

This is real. And at that time I had done road work. I'm not going to lie to you. I did a bunch of triple work. I'd done Donna Richard's work. I'd gone to Spokane, well, I'd obtained this karate buddy. I had gone to fucking Portland. I had gone to Moscow, Idaho, I had gone to all these things.

I'd gone to Florida for a week. I was, I knew the road. Was I the king of the road? Was I Doug Stanhope at the time? Not at all. And what the fuck happened? Did I lose my fucking train of thought? No, you were on the road.

You were the king of the road. Then you come to LA and that comedy store doing that, being there late night when it was... Fucking me up. That was fucking my confidence up. Then I started picking a little bit of momentum up. I would go to Latino night and I would do little cheat things, talk in Spanish and I'd blow up the room and I'd go to the comedy store late night and I'd go on a rant.

Why's that cheating? Yeah, little things you could do. And then it's like going out there and saying you want to applaud for the troops. Oh yeah. You know shit like that. And then I went to the improv one night and at that time I had a manager that kept pushing road work on me and I was like, I don't know and it was flat fee type of shit. No hotel, some of it was hotel, some of it was just come on down and showcase for us.

But let me tell you about what happened with him. Tell me to remind you later what happened with this guy. So in this trip, I had signed with him like in February, I had been here maybe three weeks the first time when I got here from Chicago. I signed with him and that summer I said, listen, I'm in New York, I'm going to go back to New County. He got me a couple of gigs here and there, Camacho gigs and... Roger Paul?

No, at that time, the other guy. Houston, New York? Rascals. Vinnie Brandt? No, at that time I had a work with Vinnie Brandt. I had done a few one nighters up north or some shit like that. See you through my fucking train. I thought...

Sorry about that. Bring it back in. No craze. No worries. What the fuck was I talking about? Going on there? Oh, and he fucking sent me to governors. He sent me.

I can't remember until I fall five clubs. He did a great job. But I'll tell you what else he did. He goes, listen. Go to this address and I go, what's this address? He goes, I want you to drop off a tape of you doing stand-up to this address. It's a new show. I go, what's the name of it?

Give me the address. He goes, the soprano. And I kept thinking, these guys singers, I don't want to be a fucking singer, I'd never dropped off the tape. You didn't? This was before the casting. You would have probably... I was in New York.

For sure have been... I wasn't ready. I was green. I had the opportunity a year later and I ate a bag of cocks. So you did have an opportunity. Oh, I read for them early on, the first, the end of the first season when there was soprano mania. Yeah.

Right then and then. I got an audition. I got, then they made me audition, then they made me audition for two or three different guys. I just don't, the undercover cop season two and there was somebody else that were making me audition for. Did you ever take acting classes? At that time?

Anywhere. At that time, absolutely. When I came to LA, I think it took me a year to finally change my thing and I started going that December. I saw you in baseball. At that time, I was not an acting class. That's a classic movie. Is it really?

Baseball? Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like a cult classic and you're in it. Does anyone ever bring that up to you? Every once in a while. You're a referee in it. So many puts a picture up of me rafting on Twitter.

They go, look who we just saw on Twitter on, on, on. Baseball. Baseball. I mean, that's pretty cool. Then you were, were you in Spider-Man also? A couple of years after that. I just bumped into Sam Raimi at a, a pitch and Sam Raimi. He directed for Love of the Game, the baseball movie.

Really? Yeah. The one with Kevin Costner. Sam Raimi directed it. My friend, Brzello, who was with the Yankees. So that movie was filmed probably in 98 or 99 at Yankee Stadium. And John C. Riley was in it. Kevin Costner.

It was about Kevin Costner throwing a no hitter and flashing back on his life. So John C. Riley was cast in the movie. He was the catcher, but he wasn't that great at baseball and they gave him like a brand new baseball glove and he couldn't catch. He like, couldn't do the scenes and Costner would get upset. Sam Raimi was a director, but basically Costner did everything. So he gave him his glove, he couldn't catch. Brzello was there kind of like, um, being, uh, helping out a little bit, like just helping

them with, uh, consulting. Yeah, exactly. He was there for that. And then they said, um, you know what? You look like, uh, John C. Riley and Brzello was a bullpen catcher. So they had Brzello play John C. Riley, all the baseball scenes, Adam Shave His Arms. So if you watch for Love of the Game, which is still like a baseball movie that holds water.

It still plays on MLB network. If you watch the baseball scenes, John C. Riley, who's the catcher in the movie, it's Brzello back there. If you look, you can tell, and he's a coach now with the, with the Cubs. He went on to win five World Series championships. That's another thing. It's about winning. You got to push.

I grew up here in the Valley. I learned about pushing, believing, you know, and it's like, it's such a, this world now again, I don't want to harp on politics, but I'm a single white guy. I'm, I'm there. You know, I don't have, I get pushed around a little bit. I see it. I grew up here in the Valley. People put the Valley down, but I don't know why I threw that in, but the bottom, I see

the American flag. I like that. You know, it's just a, it's a crazy time. And I feel like certain tweets, you got to watch what you say because this town's based off like reputation, you know, certain actors are in the same thing because they all think the same. I feel like, you know, you're talking about living in your car and believing in yourself, you know, this is a great time to be a comedian, you know, there's so much stuff out there

to just go for it. That's why I think you could do this plan. We could sit down during the week, RV, there's a national company that finances you. If we could do a show or figure out a way to tweet with their RV, something, there's a hook there from that. I like that right there. I like that right there. Cross country trip with Brody.

You know, your periscope is very big. There's no reason why you can't add ads to the periscope and make a little money there. I need a new manager. I think you would be a great manager. Why don't you manage me, Joey, because I got enough shit on my play on a man's league. Lee doesn't know when he wants to go to Pismo Beach or fucking Long Beach for a honeymoon. But you guys don't understand, Joey's giving me, you know, it's like, Joey does his own stuff.

These guys do a lot of their thing, you know, but I want you to understand like a lot of my career choices, a lot of fundamentals that I go to are based off Joey Diaz, based off that. And also in terms of confidence, back in like 2001, having Joe Rogan say, you're funny. So that kind of like helped me relax and go for it and push a little bit knowing that Rogan thought I was funny. And he asked me, I did the audience warm up, you know, for the man show with Stan Hope and Rogan.

And they gave me the confidence, you know, I kind of rode that, but I was so good at audience warm up. I just continued doing audience warm up. I got too good at it. That was the problem. Well, it's an important part of the show. And I like, I, I, I, I guess I, I've seen you once and it's still the one thing that the room just moved.

Yeah. Joey's having a good time. You know, I'm, I'm hanging in there. You guys had a little more than me, but I'm hanging in there. Let me up with the dog. I'll take a little pee piece. Hold on one second. Okay.

Oh, the room just moved. Like there was an earthquake. Uncle Joey had a cat himself. He fell asleep there for a minute or something. Chocolate bar. It took me. You okay? La Folza del destino.

So Lee, you've seen audience warm up. You've seen, you saw my stand up recently. That was a great feeling to be at the comedy store that night. And then I saw you over on the left-hand side, but I wasn't sure if it was you. And then, you know, I had a pretty good set and then for you to, you know, you came, you've been very supportive of my comedy. I think you're, I think you're very funny. I'm, uh, the, especially when I really liked my favorite kind of comedy is like the hour,

but I do like going to the comedy store. Right. You get a lot of variety. You get a lot of variety. But if you, if you sit there from 10 or nine and then you're there at 12, 30 or one, most of the regular stuff is pretty boring to see you is always very exciting. And then I just, your, like your Instagram is like, you'll have inside jokes with people if they've seen the Brody Stevens Instagram because you have to see it.

You can't just watch it one day. You know, you talk about like the Instagram stories. Yeah. I like Instagram stories. That's right. Yeah. Because you have to watch it like every day and the little themes, the more you want. Yeah.

I really like the, uh, the dirty newspaper. Yeah. The dirty newspaper kills me and, uh, what else? I missed it. I mean, I don't use Periscope as much as watching it. Just, I don't know if Tom said they're watching it, but I missed you drumming. Yeah. I need to drum more.

But, you know, Instagram's quick and easy. I keep a positive, you know, it's a Twitter. You can be negative. I feel like it's kind of hard to be negative on Instagram. I'm not verified. That upsets me. But you're still mad at them. Yeah.

You know, it's, uh, it bothers me. No, I'm really, um, I'm not mad. I'm happy with my, uh, you know, what's great about this is like, you know, it's good that I'm out here because Lee, you're a respected guy. You're supportive. I got guys, you know, the Ari Shafir crew, all those guys. Tom's there. So I need to take action.

Like tonight, Joey reached out. I've been putting out the energy focusing some nights. I'm not getting those spots, but I'm pushing it, but I'm going on the road too. I'm going to Iowa. I'm going, uh, doing shows in a tent and I like doing it. You know, I just got to make a few bucks. That's my thing. I don't need to have a house.

I don't need, I'm okay with, uh, you know, give me a little internet, give me good water pressure vehicle that I can sleep in. I guess we're going there, but, uh, I like the baseball stuff. I'm getting it. If I can combine sports, my love and I'll be the top together, diamond. They are. And even when you get the diamond of it, it's not the best diamond in the world. It's too many restrictions to take the small vehicle, but you know, it'd be a great job.

Joey to work in baseball as a positive energy coach. They need positive energy around these teams. They need a friend. They need somebody who understands comedy, who can tell them how to be, how to be, um, funny when they do their interviews and also not say weird stuff. Keep the guys light. I also played baseball and I know how to throw a ball. I wouldn't mind getting involved in baseball because Hollywood is so, you know, turbulent

right now. Lee, do you think so? I mean, there's always, I'm always surprised, uh, especially with sports teams that they allow them to have social media Twitter. I understand why they, why they have to, because they have to brand market themselves. I got a plan for you, but they only seem to get Joey does have a plan. I got a plan. Okay.

We're right here. You want to start your journey. Yep. Number one, you have to apply yourself to a play. You have to look at the end of the year, this baseball season and see what player had a mediocre playoff. Well, because I had a tremendous playoff and hook them up on Twitter and go, my name is Brodie Stevens.

I'm a Palmer comedian, but my main source of energy is I'm a positive energy coach. I love to come work with you and you all on my expense. This will cost you nothing. If at the end of the season, you know, a better player, then you decide, I'll make you assign the contract. Even if you just give me 25,000 at the end of the season. Another idea that Joey, that you will hit better. What would you do in that off season preseason, preseason training, pre space ball week away

and baseball to make this play a better mentally. That's right. Instead of focusing on a team in terms of getting a gig, reach out to players. 350 players. There's only 30 teams. Reach out to the players. Look at my credentials. I was in the hangover.

I was in due date. I'm getting decent spots at the comedy store. I can help you become a better baseball player, give you advice and I'll put out energy for you. And let's see what happens. Let's see what I believe in you. If you believe in me, I accept PayPal. Thank you.

I'll put out energy and I'll put out for them. Thoughts and beliefs. No. Put in the work. I'll put out energy and I'll put out for them. I'll pray for them. I'll face Mecca and pray. No.

I will just psychology. I can help them with breathing. I can help them with what I did. Being smart. I can do that. I know you're like putting me on the spot. I'm not putting it. I just want to learn what you're doing.

I can tell them about being positive words. How much would 10 sessions cost? Somebody right now, if they lived in the San Fernando Valley and they were struggling, they wanted to become a piano player, but something was holding them back. What would you charge somebody for in 10 weeks for all these Stevens, decapitate the enemy within the session? How are they? 50-minute sessions?

Whatever you want to do. Well, how long can you hypnotize somebody or terrorize somebody before? I think 50 is the limit. I would say 100 bucks, so a package of 10 for 1,000 would be 1,000 for positive energy. If you contact Brody right now tonight this weekend, Brody at BrodySevens.com, it'll give you the whole package for $900. That's the first. Wait, 900?

Joey? Yeah, that's the first visit. That's crazy. That's 100 bucks less. I want them to get something because they listen to you on the podcast. Okay, what's the promo code? The promo code is I heard about you on the podcast. I want to know if we can do the deal for the small nine yards.

Its payment is $2,450. Where do I meet them? You meet them at the Starbucks somewhere. They can meet at Starbucks? Sure, that's when you make the initial confirmation. Okay, but what about after that, the meetings? The meetings to be in your house with you or with you? Or in a robe.

They get naked on the bed. He was with a male. Maybe at the turn. No, I'm not into that. All right, then. I don't fucking know. Can I meet them at Starbucks? You assessed them the first time.

You can't do the whole session at Starbucks. That's a lot of work. Or, here's the deal. Maybe I ran out of this studio. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. You meet them at Starbucks the first time. Of course.

Safer. Then you assess them and then you call them and the night before you're supposed to meet them. You meet them somewhere that's going to, what's the word I'm looking for? It's going to blow up his sensory. A park. A park. He's never been.

It won't. See, if I think park, and you think park, it's a bad idea. It's hacky. Why is it hacky? We're helping the guys. It's hacky. No, we got to take them somewhere. Oh, well, gotcha.

Where it really stimulates the sense. Take them to the ocean. The arcade. Take them to the zoo. Retards like the zoo. I like that. I haven't been to the zoo for a while. She ain't retired.

Oh, my God. I see what Rogan tweeted today. They threw a fucking donkey into like the tiger pit. Why? Where? Because like the people who owned the zoo, the Chinese investors weren't happy with the profit. So they were trying to steal the donkey and then they wouldn't let them.

So they, they were trying to save money on feed. Does he have the video of it? Yeah. Is it pretty graphic? Yeah. But it's, it's nature. Yeah, kind of. But they said they, they fed them.

It's not nature. Nobody told you that the zoos in China got those fucking guerrillas dressed up like the Beatles. Yeah. They said they make them perform. But that's funny. Are they not happy? They're not happy.

They're probably not happy. They're almost serious in Japan and China over there, zoos and shit. Anyway, let's fucking cut this off here. Brody Stevens. It's been an honor to watch you grow as a comedian, as a human being, as a good son to your mom, a good brother, you know, you have your little issues from time to time of your solid. And most importantly, we're still in this.

Bro, my God, Brody Stevens, it petrifies me sometimes. It petrifies. Sunday night, that was scary. You're following me at the store. If I came up to you 25, 20 years ago at the fucking underground and go, right in 20 years of the Sunday night, you're going to follow me at the store. What are the odds? You're going to look at me and go, Joey, you really need professional help.

That's like two high school baseball players that go, you know, we're going to be teammates in the major leagues and I'm going to hit behind you one game. I'm sitting there watching you go, wow, I'm getting old, so is Brody, but we're still here. But we're living longer. We're taking supplements. We're drinking water. We're being positive.

Drinking water, pissing, stretching, which is fucking so crucial, you know, eight hours go for it. I do so many things. Now, hey, listen, you can never cheat your heart. Your heart's like the devil. You need cardio, right? That gives you just so many fucking pumps and after that. What about Apple?

Oh yeah. No more. Apple cider vinegar. Right, Joey? It's supposed to be good. No, I take it. Do you take apple cider vinegar? I take everything.

You do? Apple cider vinegar concocts the doodoo. I take apple cider vinegar. I've lost, you know, I've lost inches. Whenever I mention it, people get excited about it. You look for them. Yeah, but I barely exercise. All I do is walk and stretch.

When I first met you, you would chisel people used to think you were Johnny America. Yeah. But now I've leaned out. You leaned out again. You're a savage. You still got the cowbells? Yeah. But if I get hurt, if I get back, you know, I'm older, so I got to watch my impact.

So I should be spin biking more. I should be doing like Iranian Griffin Canyon more. I should be swimming more. Swimming, biking, all that stuff. Spin and swim. He joined the swim school. He never went back. Where?

Where do you swim at? Oh, I haven't gone there yet, but they have one in Burbank. Swim school? Yeah, they have classes. He went last week. You don't know how to swim or is it just a lap pool? He went last week to places close. I didn't go there.

Swimming's a great exercise. I need to get back into it. You'll be a savage in the pool. All right, well, these swimmers are fucking Ali Mali and shit. Jews are good swimmers. My dad was a good swimmer. Mark Spitz was a good swimmer. Jewish.

I just don't have any cardio. I know how to swim. I just can't do it for very long. You can do it. Oh, I have a, I need some advice and I don't know who's, if anyone's had this issue. I have to go to a urologist and they're going to stick a finger up my butt. Is it, I've never had that happen. It's no big deal.

It's not that bad. No. I mean, I was reading the newspaper the other day and they, in the back there, you know, have an enema the night before. No, it's not bad. You know, it's like when it was like wiping your thing and then he'll say like, I'm going to enter it and then it goes in there and then you just like relax, you give in and it'll be over.

And then how long does it take like two minutes, two seconds or oh, it's a fucking night, man. I just was thinking about it. I don't know. It's like 15 seconds. They're just checking for like polyps or stuff. They put you in the bed and make you curl up on a fetal position. He sticks his string. He puts a glove on.

Yeah. Vaseline. Sticks his string around like Vaseline and he rubs your back and next thing that you feel these things. Does he rub the back? He might. Sure. He rubs your back and talks to you about this.

Because it helps relax. Yeah. It gets your mind off it. They've been doing well. And next thing you know, you get this warm finger up your ass and you feel it. He hits like the button where shit starts to come out. And the worst is when you look at his glove and he's got a little bit of shit on it. That's the worst.

That's embarrassing as fuck, Jack. And my doctor wants him to massage the prostate. Does he? Yes. I don't know what that. Oh, you need a little masseuse to the prostate on his shit. That's the part. You're going to splash all over yourself.

You might as well talk to type all over you, stroke that little peanut of death. Oh, Jesus Christ. I got a hate tweet. From who? From Front Row Brian. He goes, dog, you mentioned you played baseball two dozen times. I figured out you played baseball after a first dozen times you said it. Tremendous.

Well deserving for me. Whatever. Jesus. It's people like that. Fucked up this shit. Okay. He's like a big fan of you. He's a good man.

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Again, Father's Day is coming. You're sitting there. What are you going to give him? A stupid fucking tie? What are you going to give him? Shoe polish? Take him to the restaurant. He likes.

He's going to eat the same fried fucking food. Fuck that. He's sitting there all day watching TV. He's retired. He's a dad. He's got a little spunk left to him and he's walking around at any point. He's been your fucking dad. You're a grown person.

Give your dad something he's really going to use. Get him a fucking bidet. But Joey, he's a Christian. Listen, there ain't a Christian in the world that wants a dirty asshole. You understand me? Nobody wants to walk around with a dirty asshole. There's nothing like sitting down, turning around, going to the bathroom. Before you go to the bathroom, you feel something weird.

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All right. I want to thank Quip one more time. And I want to thank naturebox.com. Again, go to quip.com slash Joey. I want to thank my brother. Brodie Stevens, who I love. Yes. His mother.

Joey. 1985. We were doing comedy. You got it. Even with the tranny comic. Rita Ho. Rita Ho. Who fucking I got.

Rest in peace. We stole her valium downstairs and we used to eat a pizza. She put her penis in a pickle jar. And she put her penis in a pickle jar. She used to say, who ate my potato chips or whatever the fuck it was. That was a good. Tomorrow night, bitches. Bring it in problem.

Next Thursday, motherfuckers. You know what? I'm working out. The ice house Pasadena a 30 to 15. I'll see you motherfuckers there. Have a phenomenal weekend. Stay black. Uncle Joey loves you.

Yes. My friend. I'll say it clear. I'll state my case. Of which I'm certain. I've lived. A life that's full. I traveled each and every highway.

And more. Much more than this. I did it my way. Regrets. I've had a few. But then again. Too few to mention. I did.

What I had to do. Saw it through. Without exemption. I planned. Each charted course. Each careful step. Along the highway. More.

Much more than this. I did it my way. Yes, there were times. I'm sure you knew. When I fit off. More than I could chew. But through it all. When there was doubt.

I ate it up. And spit it out. I faced it all. And I stood tall. And did it my way. I've loved. I've laughed and cried. I've had my fill.

My share of losing. And now. As tears subside. I find it all. So amusing. To think. I did all that. And may I say.

Not in a shy way. Oh no. Oh no, not me. I did it my way. For what is a man? What has he got? If not himself. Then he has not.

To say the things. He truly feels. And not the words. Of one who kneels. The record shows. I took the blows. And did it my way. Yes, it was my way.

Thank you.