Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #504 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: August 3, 2017

Ari Shaffir, Comedian whose double special "Double Negative" is available on Netflix, calls in to talk with Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt about his own mental health journey and to offer some advice to Lee and anyone who may be struggling with mental health issues.  This podcast is brought to you by:  Meundies.com - Go to meundies.com/JOEY for 20% off of your first pair and free shipping. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.    Recorded live on 08/02/2017.  

greetings welcome to the church of what's happened now and the church it's brought to you by anit for all your supplement needs go to anit.com from alpha brain to shroom tech sport to shroom take a mune these things are tremendous I love the hemp force protein shake the chocolate listen alpha brain you don't like it you send it back you have a hundred percent money back guarantee we don't even want the product that's how much balls we stand behind it go to anit.com slash church and get 10% off right now this podcast is also brought to you by me on these me on these are the softest most

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I don't know what's gonna happen to you Wednesday August 2nd 2017 walk around this town with your head all up in the sky and I do know that I won't jump here we go kick it Lee look at you you bad motherfuckers Thursday morning slinging dick giving it's your type of weekend here we go and you do know that oh shit what's happening you bad motherfuckers uncle Joey here with my main Jewish savage Lee Sayat and Ari Shafir is on the phone we had a great podcast yet and we had a great response from your people I had no idea that this was such a topic you

know I really appreciate Lee talking about it the night because for the last since he talked about I haven't slept I just been thinking about this and reading up on depression so what I did was I spoke to Lee and I would double check with Lee if it was okay and we can have Ari called then who dealt with this you know he dealt with this for a while and explain his his challenges what do you think buddy I'm excited I'm excited to it's been an amazing couple days and I can't wait it's a I'm excited I'm excited to take help from people I've for so long I've been just trying to do everything myself so it's nice to get

help listen nobody ever thinks they need help we all feel like we got it covered until one day you actually go for help you know for a year we'll fucking keep doing the same now I'm gonna die right I didn't eat cheese today until one day you're gonna you know what I gained a pound I'm gonna wait watch it oh I'm having the surgery I'm doing that you know it always takes the end of a rope before you ask for help you know so it's it's it's naturally it's natural and on top of that mental health issues have such well not a stigmata the last couple years it's been more accepted people understand it more it's not like when

I was growing up either you were fucking crazy or you weren't if you went to summons that had suicidal thoughts they'd punch in the face 10 times and they'd send you home you know it nobody really understood those things 50 years ago 20 years ago I to listen to the different people speaking over the years I could tell that I have a dab or something I don't know what it is but who the fuck cares get Ari on the phone let's get this body started yo can you hear me now yeah perfect I wish you were good what were you saying kid I said perfect what'd you have for lunch today nothing I'm fucking shitting I had

chili yesterday for some diner on the upper east side I can't stop fucking shitting what'd you have I'm like some fucks I have some chili why the fuck would you have chili on the lower east side those fucking savages don't know how to make chili they're white people upper east side don't matter upper east side is how hard I wish there's plenty of stigmas up there but Spanish people don't make fucking chili Ari that's a white thing you got to find people with cowboy hats and let eat cheddar cheese and raw onions that's how you make a fucking chili it was terrible yeah fuck that shit I don't trust the chili out

here very south might just went somewhere with had nice chili with the red fucking kidney beans you go back to your hotel hotel room you fought up a storm in there you got to open up the window the window don't want to open anyway Ari a fucking little Jewish friend here the other day we're having a podcast and we're just talking about different states of mind and he was talking about to the time you know he seems like he has depression you know and he's shocked the fuck out of me because he's got the girlfriend the job the car he's got the Boston Red Sox yamaha you know for him to be depressed

I don't know what he's got to be depressed about but I started thinking more and more about it and it related to your situation when you first told me that you were feeling kind of weird and you had to take medication I was in shock because you're the most happiest go lucky guy I've ever met what is the intro feelings to depression I mean what do you feel at first it's like a just like everything's a little worse you ever get like you know those those the commercials they do for like new TVs and they show the old TV next to the new TV yeah and the old TV the

pictures just like you can tell what it is it's just like oh that looks fine you see the new TV like oh wow that's why that's HD it's vibrant so it's like if life is an HD and then you go back to an old TV it's just like everything's a little worse the Red Sox win a game instead of going yes you go all right that's cool like and then the negatives are just in your mind they just get bigger starts that way and then it gets worse and worse to the point where it's almost like debilitating where you can't do anything because everything sucks get to the point where it was like you know might be a beautiful day out

in February it would be 75 degrees in February and it's like oh I love this weather you know it's sunny it's great but then get to my car it's like oh I gotta get gas on gas like those fucking socks they can gas and instead of just being like a little nothing disruption of your day comes like a major thing your mind it's just like a it's like a sprain in your mind you just can't fix it's nothing to do with like it's kind of misnomer yeah I did the same depression like you're impressed it's like should be called something else it has the same symptoms of just like you know when your team loses you feel down you have the

same sentence that stays never goes away and then like after a while you know one or two days being depressed and normal depressed that's fine you can deal with that the clinical depression it just never goes away even if the thing gets solved you know maybe your sibling or your mom dies and you get depressed and then like you get over that for the depression stays or if you lose your job that's a good one it's a lot of times a major thing can throw you into it so it's you lose a job and then you know you go into a depression and then you find a better job a better you know like higher paying and something you like

doing more the depression stays I don't know what it is so it's not about the job job is just what got you hurt in the first place and then it stays that's when it starts getting real bad do you feel sad already I never really feel I don't know I feel down but it's not like I want to cry I don't feel sad it's just you it's like I don't know it's not it's weird it's more just like I like for me it's more about I don't feel like I'm good enough like that like that most of it's just negative stuff about myself like if like I'll start thinking about like something that I that I started doing is I would think I would realize

like I'd get into the day and I'd start thinking how long it had been since I had like a bad thought not like a bad like I'm gonna go kill myself but like some days you'd wake up and like the first thought in your head is just like shitty and then other days it's good and then like an hour and you're like oh shit that was my first bad thought and it like it's weird like it could be just like like it's for me it's not really based around things I have to do it's basically like what I what I can't when I personally can't do why don't I have why don't people like I don't think anyone likes me like why didn't I have

friends and elementary like going back to that like for me and I think it'd be is it's really related to how my like and I don't I don't want to say I had a bad childhood it's just I was thinking about it today it's not like bullying is a really big thing right now and when you think of bullying you think of like someone pushing you someone punching you and that happens but it's it's almost worse when you don't like I felt I felt left out as a kid I don't know I've always felt and I don't know why I always wanted to be and I always wanted to just be normal but for whatever we I don't know if I don't know if I'm just

nerdy and then the kids didn't really who maybe maybe it's me me like that's what like that's where I would go it's like maybe there's a reason why they didn't like me maybe he was because of this or maybe it was I said this and then I think about like I'll say I was like today I was thinking about this thing this kid said to me before an eighth grade trip to an amusement park which has no bearing on my life at all but I'll spend hours on it yeah so that that's really where mine is I don't I don't know and that's why I and that's why people have been so amazing and generous and telling me to go talk to

someone because I haven't had it diagnosed so maybe maybe the word depression isn't the right word for me maybe it's more anxiety or who knows exactly could be bipolar it could be like there's lots of maybe anxiety there's like lots of different things that you end up getting caught in a stigma of like of like you know exact definition or exact title for sure whatever you're feeling but a lot of it just falls in the same category it's kind of like it's kind of like just mental health right it's kind of like when people say drugs what does drugs do you and then you got to be like well it can do a lot of

things but you really are talking about what drug you're talking about you know what meth does to you is way different than what weed does to you right but it's all under it's all under drugs and it's all it's like mental health that's a better word for it yes right so when you worry about too much about like is this depression or is there anxiety is there bipolar disorder is it just like a bunch of other ones I'm not familiar with all of them the main thing is it's like your brain is a muscle and you can sprain it and you got to get it you got to get it set to get back how long did you go on

no story that you were feeling these emotions I think over a year for sure maybe a couple I'm not telling Shandra we were talking once and I mentioned that I had thoughts of suicide but they're just kind of like I don't consider doing it but I think about it yeah that's I mean that I can really not not that like I even considered doing it or thinking about me doing it just thinking about the idea of it that and then also as weird as it sounds and as happy as I am doing what I do the thought that I could just like in I've been in a car and I'd be like I could just leave right now I

have my wallet I have my phone I could just leave and for whatever reason those two things would help you tiredly tired like physically tired no yeah um not at all I don't like and that's and that's honestly that's a weird part about my about the depression is part of the thing that I like I'm just negative about myself so when I'm getting depressed I'll be like I wouldn't even have the balls to commit so like as weird as that sounds it would even get like I'd be like I could never do that I wouldn't have the balls to jump off something I understand that one thing that you want me to do the reason why I wanted you to call

are it was because I know nothing about this topic and I've read about it for hours and days I've I've read about why I do the things I do you know how I am are I get high and I think about what made me rub that purse what made me do this what made me do that you know when I try to find answers for it but after listening to you two guys for the first minute like and I think I wrote this down when I was writing the beginning of the book like from the age of 16 to 23 maybe already 22 I didn't want to kill myself but I didn't want to live either like do you know what I am like I didn't want to kill myself but I just want to be close

to my mom I was just waiting for a fucking truck to hit me I was just waiting to rob somebody them for them to pull a gun out and shoot me like it just felt easier like that's what it felt like you know and over the years I got rid of those feelings and I don't wake up sad you know that's why I never understood like I understood your depression but not really you're my brother so you know I started talking to you about it and I know that you want to spoke to somebody and it helped and everything changed you know and was there a process after you spoke to somebody I spoke to a few people spoke

to a few people and I was already going to therapy just to like try it and that's why I spoke to Shannon she's like you should bring up those thoughts you're having for the therapist think so and she's like yeah a hundred percent it was it was okay so there's some tips they give you well like okay so like Roke and never could understand it it's hard for a lot of people to understand where it's like if you just get up and do some exercise you'll feel better but what people don't understand is you can't get up and do exercise you can't even go to the fridge you can't even get up to go to the fridge the idea of going out and

going to you know putting on a G and going out or putting on some running shoes and going running it's so far past which are capable of doing because it affects you in a way it's it's just not like you're depressed over a thing it's just it's just depression all the time so like so the people who like would try to help me at first would give me tips like get some sun you know get out get some direct sunlight in your face for like I mean every day 15 20 minutes directly like you know in a row I mean every day there's other things like when you're in the shower or anytime I found it easier in the shower just to say

out loud like five things you're thankful for that you're happy about and there's a philosopher from there this early 1900s Frederick Nietzsche he says there anytime you like say something out loud actually solidifies it a lot more in your brain so if I have like a let's say a negative let's say I don't like whomever say just lately I'm just like somebody's annoying me if I don't say it I can get over it but then if I say out loud fucking Pete just bothers me from then on everything he does is gonna bother me so you go the opposite way the positive things you know where if you say like I think I love this girl

when she said it out loud it's like now you do it's not going back if you say some positive things in your life that's what the same thing actually improve their mood my friend Mike cap no I wasn't my cap on actually with somebody else if he moved to Los Angeles and he hated it you know people get with LA he hated it people ask him like it wasn't like that but I forgot who it was people ask him like you like LA he goes no I hate it and they ask him why and he tell you the reasons why and then they find whatever and then he got so sick of having to tell people the same answers same reasons why he hated LA that he was

like I don't want to get in this conversation again so he just started saying people like you like LA he just found it easier to go yeah I like it instead of having to like say the same thing over and over again the smog and it's there's no change of season to the people of shallow whatever it was and then people ask him like what what do you like about LA and then he'd say like you know it's sunny he tried to think of something at burritos or everywhere you know and then after a while saying that he found that he started to like LA he started to focus on these positive things just verbally only as a tactic to

avoid having dumbed conversation but it really started affecting his mood he started actually liking the city so I'm not saying those things will work I think you should you should go see somebody and talk to somebody how do you how do you pick the person that you want to go see because that's people have been asking me for a while and one of my issues is that I have trouble and then I don't know maybe there is a reason why but I can't think of the reason why I have trouble trusting people I don't like opening up right away yeah well you gotta find somebody like there's no if you don't like that person the first

person you go talk to no harm no foul just go switch to find somebody else go for like one or two time how long how long did you get because I've never been to a single session it's pretty fun man it's pretty fun it's like having a one-way conversation it's like having a conversation where the person's only interested in what you're saying that's weird for me that like see that's that goes back to what I was saying as a kid like I like I don't think there's been a conversation that I hold I don't have like when when Joey holds quarter when I see comedians talking that makes me real uncomfortable I'm always been a

quiet person yeah I know because a lot of us are thinking like I'm the same way and a lot of it's like I'm not interesting or I'm not we had these ice breakers in high school who do the same I was somebody saying that we had a friend of the meet somebody else and then say something interesting about yourself I got there late I was somewhere else I got there late I guess given the rundown of what you're supposed to do and say something interesting about yourself so when I got caught up the girl who's telling me like we have to say something about yourself I said I don't really have anything

interesting about myself and she goes wow that's what the guy said people are gonna say but you didn't hit you weren't here for that part we said that's where your natural tendency is to say like my stuff my life is just not that unique and she's like she said the guy the moderator and said that's just wrong you can find something interesting but I get it when you're around Joey Diaz like have to like butt in you don't need that guy who's like right and it's weird like I'm not I obviously don't butt in but it's it's like that I almost wish I had gone and seen somebody before like five or six years ago because my I mean parts

of my depression have gotten a little bit that like just as depression grows it gets a little bit stronger but other parts of my personality that were weaker the shyness and the willingness to talk to people that was way worse and that maybe I was almost protecting myself in a way I don't know like maybe cuz I've always been I always like staying inside by myself I was never really like the thought that the idea of going out every Thursday Friday Saturday I went to like two parties a year that was it I was I was never that kind of guy and maybe I really wanted to be I felt I wanted to be but then I wouldn't have

fun when I was there and then but then I knew this even as a kid is like I felt like I wasn't getting invited places and that would bum me out but then I wouldn't call anybody so part like the thinking about it the last couple days has really got me thinking how important like childhood is I don't like it just I don't know me I for me and I just seems like a lot of it goes back to stuff that I've been doing my whole life yeah that could be there's something definitely a therapist can help you get to they can get if they can guide your thoughts so is that is that what they do they just don't cover stuff start a conversation and ask

you questions and stuff like that that's a question you just talk to the peer innocuous like what you do today okay that's cool do like it's like I had a breakfast sandwich do you like that breakfast sandwiches yeah you get up no not really oh really when do you normally get up and they just like they just start you're talking and then you'll you'll find that you'll end up dealing with stuff that you haven't really dealt with haven't really said out loud Joey even said something to me before the podcast on on Monday he said something over the fun I forget why we were talking about it but he's like you you don't like

confrontation and I hate it I don't and I feel like that's part of I feel like that's gonna be part of the issue because there's people in my life right now who if I go to therapy there's gonna be some issues brought up like not not huge ones but it's things that I've I've put aside like you just push aside in your brain and you keep dealing with people because there's you're supposed to you've known them forever or whatever the reason is and it's uh that's that's a scary part too because I don't want to because that because then I've I've also and I don't like using this word but I've become good at lying to people like just about lying to people like oh or did this upset you or

or was it was this what did you this make you angry or did I hurt your feelings no no everything's and that's and that's weird it's depression isn't feeling bad but like I have and I think part of it is I have a very thin skin I've always and I don't know like that's it just gets to me I don't know what that is no Ari how long did you stay talking to somebody until you started seeing or feeling a little better or the clouds started to go away how long well honestly um the therapy itself didn't help me get over the the depression it was there was pills okay and what type of pills do they give you type and we want to get into because everyone's mind works a little different okay um so what works there's there's two things that can cause depression it's a lack of norepinephrine

too much norepinephrine lack of a lack of serotonin or too much serotonin so then you need a pill to either like let's say you have a lack of serotonin you need a pill to give you more serotonin or if you have too much serotonin a different pill will like lower the amount of serotonin going into your system so you have four different things and then they have different pills that can work on those so let's say it's you have a lack of serotonin that's I think a common one um there's a few different pills that can like help regulate that help push that higher and they're now all going to work and some of them come with tight effects that aren't the best so you got to regulate like you got to be with a professional that'll tell you like we're going to do this slowly and

move up in dosage too and they stay with you in terms like but what are your side effects they can range anywhere from from um donor problems to like um weight gain to uh to increase you know thoughts of suicide is that is that with the low serotonin arey i'm sorry to interrupt is that the result of the low serotonin the weight gain could be low serotonin the could be too much serotonin okay the general one is low serotonin now when I was doing blow is that what I remember they say when when you do coke you demolish your serotonin that's why the crash the next morning is so devastating on cocaine yeah yeah okay i'm the mc because it's like because now you you've you've shot a bunch of serotonin in your system and now it's like your

body i think it's something along the something along those lines right yeah your body's down like okay he's making plenty we don't need to make and then when the the mccoke or the mdma like not producing it then then tell me you're not getting out yeah i mean so then you need to like uh yeah it could it could definitely happen the day after molly people get depressed really depressed right that the morning after cocaine and when you wake up your world is fucking done you know yeah but that's not a long term thing so think about it in terms of this you play in basketball you tweak your ankle it hurts um you either can walk it off or you're like i'm done i gotta put ice on this and then uh and then tomorrow

you're okay um not compare that to the to the brain so the same sort of thing where you might just get like let's say you do coke and you get this depression and it's okay tomorrow you'll be okay it'll be bad today but tomorrow you'll be okay but then sometimes your ankle is fully sprained and it's not going to be okay the next day or the day after that you know if you walk on it's not going to get any better and it's going to heal wrong um it's kind of like that where it's like this is the one you can just walk off so you have to deal with it you got to go and deal with it so therapy can help for sure uh and a lot of those therapists will recommend pills other times they'll say no it's not necessary i'll tell you what people are scared of and i'll tell you what it sounds

like we are scared of um that it won't work or that you'll get the wrong guy uh i know nick yousif was was scared that he'd become like a zombie if he got on the pills um but here's the great thing you can just go back to the way it was you don't have to keep saying some of you hate and if the pills that you get you know have side effects that you don't like you can just go back off you just follow the purpose okay i don't like this and i want i want to go off i know i'll help you wean off i'll tell you the right way to do it no one's gonna force you to stay on and get there um if you don't deal with stuff comes up absolutely i i have a kind of a odd question wouldn't you work because i i know from just hearing you on podcast and just

tongue you used to play poker a little bit mm-hmm was that during your depression or when was that mm-hmm no i started i started playing poker before that okay and i was just wondering because i've been i've been going through a uh like a six months to you i don't i'm not going broke i don't bet the rent but i probably play a little bit more blackjack than i showed and i and i was thinking maybe i'm trying to do maybe i'm chasing the happiness when you win like i don't know i was just trying to i was just thinking the other i mean it could be i know someone was i was close to was was they did a gambling addiction and then and then found out later they did depression at the same time and then it was like they just stayed home all day and play online poker and just like

a blackjack and just like try to fill the void i'm not really sure if it was like the rest you get from from um from winning kind of kind of stops that negative feeling or or what but but um i think that's it coming up yeah i thought it's fine but but i could you know it's i kind of like you don't necessarily start drinking to cover up depression but then once you're already drinking it does cover it up in a short term anyway and now how long did you stay on the medication before before you abandon ship on it are you drinking leave am i drinking no i i really i don't drink my issue is the food that's what my issue is okay yeah i just have an issue drinking just so you know it's a short term um relief from depression and long term

it makes it worse so let's find you're not on that um how about the reefer reefer short term relief long term no effects by the way okay that's good i thought about that yeah i thought about and i asked my doctor the guy who's like really good um about that because i was like fine i don't want to get a reefer but what if it's that i didn't want to face it and finally i was like hey i'm just seeing now i smoke a lot of pot um and he's like now the studies have shown that's not an issue i thought it would be because of the thoughts you get sometimes and you get too high you by yourself maybe you do an edible maybe your mind might go in the wrong place for years with the acid you know when people have a bad trip that's what it is they took the they took

the acid in a bad state of mind yeah and it took them somewhere that's interesting acid acid never i i i was sad or but like i don't know whenever i come here i never really had that issue and i never acid never really gave me those thoughts i do sometimes on weed we talked about it last that just sometimes when i'm alone they come in but they tend to go away a little bit just because your stone so your brain kind of wanders so i guess that helps a little bit it can be a little bit more intense for a second just because you're like focusing on it but then it goes away quicker i think well i know there was one part yeah studies have shown the reefers not an issue with that okay so somebody told leon twitter get off the reefer and i was like what the fuck's he

talking about last question are you guys you guys think like is this a possibility but then really you should defer to medical science and not like it seems like you know it seems like there's really no basis in reality um but i'll tell you something like so i was on him for a few years eventually my doctor was like you know the problem like it's kind of like a cast so like what you're covering up might be fixed now you don't really know if you take the cast off so after a few years we like we talked about it and then and then it was like all right let's start slowly going off this uh keep you know keep me updated keep the people in your life updated that way if you start like getting real erratic they can be like hold on man that's you're asking

weird and then you call your doctor like hey my friend tell me i'm acting weird you know as i'm lowering this and he'll probably tell you okay get back on the regular dosage and let's let's uh let's talk in two weeks let me ask you this uh you showed your asshole um punch drunk did you consider calling the fucking vet and tell them you're fucked up again so recently it's a thing you gotta deal with it just gonna stay just gonna cover it up like like like you know my apartment when it's all fucking messy right you add layers to it and then it comes out i was like i'm watching nine inch nails two days ago and uh he started playing hurt and then it was like i had a friend that committed suicide and just never dealt with it

i just started fucking crying in front of my friends you gotta deal with this stuff what did i like what did the uh the medicine do for you like what is how do you feel when you when the medicine is working um you don't you don't feel it when the medicine is working it's it's it's like um it's like you just don't you don't it doesn't give you elation the one i did doesn't give you like elation or like funny thing you can see it just like it's just back to where you were where you're like the good days are good bad days are bad you know if if if you know but it's not character just killed off on a show that'll feel bad but it'll stay there for three weeks it'll stay there for one day okay and then um i mean your team wins you can fucking celebrate fully

when your team loses you can fucking you know be in misery for a day but just for a little bit doesn't like dampen everything if you get on until it does that you need to get another pillow there's plenty out there what uh what's the the motivation for getting off of it like it just just me if if if something helped me i i would be like oh i want to stay on this it's working after a while i i noticed i hadn't i hadn't like been in love for a few years i didn't know if it was that or not um i was in no rush at some point the doctor was like you could maybe think about waiting office you want i'm like meh i don't need to yet i don't want to risk it and then i started thinking maybe um i wasn't have it high because of it so i was like it is time to think about

going off also it's just you know 50 bucks a month less than i was spending or whatever it was um that wasn't a major issue but like why not why have to take everything every morning to get something we're on the road i have to go to a pharmacy in canada and try to get it um just be a little easier nothing on there not much but a little so i was like maybe maybe it's time why you were on the medication with any side effects did you sell different ones when i was on well butrin i i couldn't come i didn't i didn't know that was even a side effect until it was happening and then i looked them up and i was like oh there is a side effect so it wasn't even like psychosomatic um another one um you could be expected to gain 15 percent of your body weight

so i did that um but that one didn't even really work so i went back off it and lost the weight back um there are side effects you know there's side effects all these and everyone it hits everyone a little differently so that's why you gotta do it with another professional is like guiding you through it so there's the two types of therapists the types of prescribed stuff and the types of talks to you um you should you should try the top the kind of the talks to you first and then if you don't really make progress after you know a few months then then start thinking about pills or or whatever they say follow what they say how do you how do you feel now that you believe the guy that rogan sent me to um it's it's a hundred

it was anyway 180 bucks a visit so it's a little expensive and they don't take they don't take insurance the ones that insurance takes i'll tell you now they're not as good okay um i mean i had a lady tell me like well i don't know what to tell you and i was just accepted i was like all right i'll just work up a courage and eventually kill myself um she was bad at her job um so you talk to them and get a good job and someone else who you mesh with the one for 180 i don't want massages from a from a lady and so that's one massage from a man and vice versa the one for 180 you were going every week arey which one the one for 180 you were going every week no not every week um it was less than that

if you have been two weeks maybe every week to start and then i know every two weeks every month he wasn't looking to um to shake me down it wasn't like that he was he was it was like an honest car car repair place where they're like hey just so you know this is immediately six not yet but probably the next 10 000 miles this guy was kind of like that but he was just like you can start coming less you know you're starting to do them better and then he was like by the end he's like come one more time six months now let's just check in again um so he's not looking to shake you down from money he's got plenty of clients um do you still keep in touch with him he's great with uh do you still keep in touch with him from time to time no if i had a problem i

would call him immediately you don't do you not have uh do you have like someone you talk to now or any medicine you take every every time if something bad happens or are you just totally off everything i'm off everything um so yeah if something bad happens if it's like a day or two i'm like whatever but after a couple days and start looking at it and go let me see if this stays like i'm conscious of it the other problems become you get this weird thing where you start like feeling like your depression is part of your family you don't want to go away because it's part of who you are i'm not i it's not that i don't want it to go away part of it part of it is scary because who knows maybe i'm using it as an excuse now for certain things

like yeah like maybe because i like when you were talking about like oh you can't go out i wouldn't feel like oh i can't go out and do this but i like i would just find myself for like three four hours after i'd get up just like not just not wanting to get out of bed like i'd get on my phone for a second and i'd turn over and try to sleep but then i couldn't sleep and like it just uh so there's something else man that phone is a problem yeah i don't like to preach on it too much it comes up i don't like to preach but i'll tell you it's i've seen studies that that this is the stuff that it does it makes you unable to sleep staring at the screen physically makes you unable to sleep it takes something away from your eyeballs some sort of coding

that if you get up in the middle of the night and just look at it for 30 minutes you can't just fall right back asleep it makes you stay awake kind of like when you play video games for 33 hours down at the screens does something to you and you're right next to it but also it fills you with like a desire to be connected to the saying yeah it's considered like not getting on that phone while you're in bed okay not getting on the wall till you're outside that could work make yourself get outside then check it and it's hard for me because i've always i'm a tech guy i was never a sports guy so all this stuff is stuff that i've always found comforting movies tv computers when they came out i always enjoyed them so i guess maybe it's a safety i feel like that's what we've been talking

about it like joey and i said like safety and then he even mentioned and on monday is just idle hands never really and so like that's why i'm excited about talking to someone so that maybe i could get and i like that idea maybe keep the phone because joey you do that too right you keep the phone out of your bedroom you keep it in the bedroom i don't take it into the gym i do not do a lot of things with that phone i give my mind the break on purpose you know i see these things on twitter five ways to get less addicted to your phone listen i don't do shit on this fucking phone it really doesn't mean nothing to me i got twitter and hotmail those are the most important things to me on this phone i don't uber i don't know how to do anything i don't know how to do

anything when the lift guy picks me up he put he does it for me i call him on the personal side and he picks me up and he throws the numbers in there for me i don't yeah i don't look shit up on my computer you know i don't google shit none of that none of that i don't even know how to do it i don't even know how to do it like if you asked me was it chinese restaurant i would know how to fucking do it i don't like my phone as much as most people i have it just because i liked i have a new thing in there to write and but besides that i don't you know harry i i watched you know you do kind of a 360 but i never you know when you were starting to get to depression i was on the road where you were rogan we were at we were and i wouldn't see it you

know the erratic behavior i just thought you were fucking crazy so who am i the judge i am so when you took this trip to this last year wherever the fuck you went you were you were drug-free and just riding on yourself that's why you were probably having i'm putting all these pieces together right now harry like i'm putting well yeah i mean those things that go into making you feel negative you know and a lot of that is is that following a lot of its responsibility having to be places i mean i was pretty happy when i got back because i was free from any responsibility plus the fun and the fun but like nobody was counting on me for anything i should get to knowing so you gotta take breaks from that too but is it like when i when i when i when you went on that trip i was

i was jealous i was very like that's something that i would always that seems very cool to me that seems very fun but like when i'm like oh yeah it would be fun to not have any responsibilities i'm like oh like then i get negative about like just that thought like maybe i like why shouldn't everyone else works every day like why like why do i need this break like why like i don't know like it just you get i got negative about that i think i think everybody needs a break you think everyone needs a break everybody needs a break you're absolutely right yeah yeah where america has less vacation time than any other country in the world i was listening already to your podcast uh i think it was two weeks ago with the traveler

and you were talking about the leap year and that's uh i i i just have i remember this feeling when i was graduating high school like i just wanted to i've always wanted to be an adult you know and just be working and but i never really had it was just like the idea of being an adult so i remember like i i i left school early i left i worked i took summer classes so i could graduate a semester early and just start working and listening to what you guys were saying makes me like i wonder maybe if i should have just taken and i i liked i thought i liked what i was doing and editing and stuff like that but maybe i should have taken a year off and maybe i would have found i should have been a chef in frank i don't know like it's just

it's a weird well probably twenty nine yeah um yeah i don't think there's like a i'm supposed to be anything but um there is that point in your life i think it's right around that where it's like am i doing the right thing i don't think the leap year comes to like help you find um what you're supposed to be in life i think there is nothing you're supposed to be you just do um but i think it just gives you relief like so summer breaks we used to get in high school in college they were great they were they were two months off and you can go back and you're talking about your life refreshed and afterwards you don't get that shit anymore and it's just like it just builds and builds and builds you're like i need a fucking break i need a break

um you gotta see somebody man you're gonna see a therapist oh not bad they're pretty fun you'll start to like it pretty soon you probably won't like your first guy no matter who it is just because like just because it's like your first one but you can just start it do you have insurance or no oh yeah i have insurance and i have actually some people reached out and we're gonna we're gonna look into my plan and and see what i had uh available so i'm definitely gonna do it i mean do you like what do you have any recommendations for things to look for or things to ask when you're looking for a therapist no um i mean i didn't always thought i needed a i got a woman at first my friend pete was like

he could only open up to women there's trouble opening up to men and then i got a man i was like oh no this is actually easier for me to open up to him um but i didn't know that going in it's kind of like and then it might not be it might not be gender based you might need somebody younger somebody older um and also your friends themselves aren't like the same thing you know idea is fucking 75 and and uh you know somebody else i'm joking that we left no i tell him the same listen listen you're preaching to the choir you know i tell him all the time just to go to jujitsu because he could talk to kids at 29 and 28 he spends his time with me and steve somone that's not healthy that's not healthy with two fucking morons and then he sees run is easy so everybody's

20 years ahead of them you know he has his girlfriend who's maybe his age and i've told him a thousand times to go to a simple jujitsu school you know i i see that where i go alberto crane there's five or six guys that are in their 20s they do everything together they love each other they drink they they they go to parties they you know i envy them i don't have the time so i've told lee for fucking three years lee you can't keep hanging out with me and somone and your wife you have to get out of that circle yeah it doesn't have to be jujitsu but it's something something something social absolutely you know when you go to 24-hour fitness you don't talk to nobody not hollywood i don't know when you volunteer to the kitchen or if you fucking get

here like a not even a big brother thing but just join a club of some kind and then like a trivia night anything man a softball league it's just like you will make friends that way and everyone else has a job an office they go to and there's like 30 other people in the office and you make your best five friends you like there the most and you know that's just however you mesh with but then you get stuff in a life that we have and you don't see anybody you don't meet new people and it becomes kind of weird so that's not a bad idea just go out and like meet people from help put you up in a position where you will meet them you can't be you know i mean i gotta tell you brother i i would not have to listen to you and lee and the podcast here tonight i've had bouts with it last night i

went to the comedy store i had two spots i was at the comedy store from 10 to nine and i left 20 to 12 arie do you know how to great fucking time yeah we're run wide and and and and talking to you know uh dean delray and kevin kneeling three months ago did you talk to me i didn't want to go to the fucking comedy store you know those are parts of we all suffer from something you know i think it's time for me i i hired a hypnotherapist when i was having problems with my breathing and i would go to and i gotta tell you something those 10 sessions i felt a lot better just because i had somebody to wrap that was neutral because like you said arie we have a thousand friends the shit we got they're not gonna figure out they're gonna brush it off

it's like rogan didn't understand that i don't understand depression sometimes i feel hard because i call lee at six in the morning you know me arie and i'll tell him get out there cock sucker go get some sun go for a walk and now i feel bad because you said that there's times that you see that but that that seems like a fucking hike up a mountain to you just to go outside and get out and walk through the refrigerator so i have to apologize because i didn't know where i was coming from i mean for me i it wasn't i appreciate that like it's you were on me when i was 300 pounds to go work out and it's weird like i don't know i never really i haven't had like huge it's always just been there so it's not like sometimes it's worse

sometimes it's better but i haven't had like uh i'm not getting out of bed for weeks at a time i haven't been at that level so like when i started working out it was essentially just because you kept asking me and i hated saying i wasn't doing it so then like i i started doing and i like i would just do it and i don't do it the issue is like i they're sticking with it is like i would go out for a day and be in the sun i did it like two days last week but then i get busy and i started thinking oh i need i need to do this for this person or oh i'm supposed to do this or and then it and then it goes away and then the depression comes back so like part of it is i need to be better about doing it every day doing whatever i do for it every

day how do you feel today arie today i feel honestly i stayed in bed too long looking at my computer answering emails and um i didn't get out and get to the sun now it's raining so i kind of missed it so but but once i get outside i'll feel better once i get out among people i'll feel better i know by now that's what happens where's your head where's your head at right like where's your head at just in general do you feel anything i mean i feel great in general let me taste fine um um yeah i'm having a good time i'm okay now now in closing is there any advice you could give somebody that's going through i mean arie we just had fucking one of the biggest musicians just one night hang himself yeah like just fucking hang himself okay i mean i can't stop listening to

the guy for the last since he hung himself and then two weeks ago the other guy from Lincoln Park hangs himself you know there's people that have their stupid theories ah listen there's something that's not right there yeah something was not right with Cornell for him to do this and i gotta be honest with you and what we do you know with comics we could lose our minds the same way arie i we're all gonna fucking die but i would hate to die in that situation i mean nobody's here forever but uh what would force you you know to sell out a fucking club have a great show you have wife or kids at home you got money in the bank you got publishing he was in three different bands and one night after a show in fucking detroit of all

places he hangs himself that scared the shit out of just jerking off but you what some people a lot of people say that i was just jerking off all like the guy from uh in excess yeah and the guy from the um the karate guy carodine yeah is that what they're saying though yeah yeah because it's like no no and also like he hangs himself from a doorknob it's like it's a weird why not a beam um you know like why that way people like let me read your poem because this is what people how people don't understand um depression and what it looks like people are successful so you can never get it it's called richard quarry i just looked it up um whenever richard quarry went to went downtown uh weed people on the page that looked at him he was a gentleman from soul to

crown clean favorite and purely slim he was always quietly arrayed and he was always human when he talked but still he fluttered pulses when he said good morning and he glittered when he walked and he was rich yes richard and a king and admirably schooled in every grace and fine we thought he was everything to make us wish that we were in his place so on we worked and waited for the light and went without meat and cursed the bread and richard quarry one calm summer night went home and put a bullet through his head um you know things aren't what they seem you get some weird stuff in your head you got it you got to figure it out it's not about how you're doing and how good your job is and how good your friends

are it's about something else so those are things you should do right now get some sun every day try to say those five positive things every day in the shower yeah uh steve simone and he he ends his podcast doing that and when we first started it was hard for me it was weird yeah like i didn't know what i would pick small things and he would pick really big uh like really like i always felt like my list wasn't as good as his but it that has helped it's been uh interesting uh i don't know what you call it study or yeah do those every day and then start start call your insurance provider today you should do it today and get yourself a therapist and the one you talk to will tell you if you need a different one

just get started it might be boring at first but even with this shitty fag insurance i got 10 free visits or you know copay visits like 20 bucks a pop or something um for a fucking obama camera and drop it off everybody on plan b but um you get some visits so like use them like get in there now like start make the call after you got the phone with me brother thank you get someone who can help you like fix fix what's in your brain because you want to get back to a place that's happy yeah absolutely it's uh thank you are it i'm definitely gonna call and it's i don't know i don't know why i've been so hesitant to try it i think there's a lot of reasons just stigma like i don't want to be the guy who has to go to the therapist but

everybody's on everybody go fessing out like there's no stigma there or also like i want to be able to do it for myself that's all bullshit it's all bullshit you know it's just like just get it done if it none of that matters you call the fire department you have a fire you gotta put it out yourself brother this has been as educational as can be i i the last two days after listening to that podcast and seeing the comments and what's been going on i didn't know this was uh this big of an issue and uh if i've said something negative in the podcast anytime i'm i apologize for everybody who's going through this my brother will talk tomorrow i'm happy you called up and what concert you going to tonight uh fish look at you you bad mother fucker you where you're going to see him at

as is we're going with finalia oh my god well listen brother have a great time i'm happy you shared with the church family and i'm sure they'll take care whatever the fuck they gotta take care of especially this little fucking jewel via next to me but i love what all my heart i love you yeah it's just like you have people to care about sure and i'm like you can you can fix you can make yourself feel better and take a few steps as i don't forget the phone as much as i've talked about how i i didn't feel like i had that uh support in the past the past couple days has been amazing there's been a lot of people reaching out from people listening to the podcast and comedians and people that i've done work with so it's been uh that that's kind of nice like

i focus a lot on stuff that happened in the past and i don't really look at what's going on now so it's nice when when i when you reach out and people are going yeah it's actually we were here for you so it's been a very nice couple days yeah i'll leave you one other tip that i got from buddha fucking monastery somewhere in Myanmar this guy's just trying to explain buddhism to me and he said the buddha says that all suffering all human suffering comes from living in the past to the future and if you live in the present you won't have that and you don't understand what that means and he said okay he goes um he goes what country are you i was like america and he goes okay it was broken english and he was like how many friends do you do have and i was like how

60 50 40 i don't know what the number he said that's 40 let's say 40 and he was like no i cannot listen to me all suffering comes from living in the past to the future and he goes what country are you i was like oh all right i was like me and mar he's like yeah because how many friends do you have i'm like one you so i don't know some of the worrying that comes from like what am i gonna do with my life or what have i done in the past it's like doesn't matter you're here right now wherever you are and you with your friend joey things are pretty good you know yeah absolutely plan stuff but it's hard to do but if you live in the present it helps you a little too no i think that would be my big goal yeah that'd be my goal to talk to someone that's that's i think that's my biggest

problem even without depression even like leaving the depression aside so that's and that's just not lee i'm talking for everybody who listens to this podcast who's feeling a little weird man that's it we've opened up uh an animal here and i'm happy that we did i love you buddy all right love you thank you for the call thank you for opening up man yeah too late all right thanks yeah interesting as shit i'm uh i know in the five years i've been doing the podcast i've never understood depression so when lee came up with this the other night it blew me out of the fucking water i mean i basically didn't sleep that night because i didn't see it and i always take pride at least noticing something we're seeing things you know i do notice you know now

that we've all put it out in the open when uh pain all that shit affects uh it affects us in a lot of ways you know later on like when i came out here i had that that that fast weight gain you know when i got in 97 right like a year later i had this weight gain i kept getting letters from my ex-wife telling me to sign my daughter's right over and the pain of that made me feed the fucking hole you know i mean pain it all works a certain way you know uh i see little things with you now that why we have the procrastination issues you know i gave you a sheet of paper monday yesterday you should you know you got it gone there and signed up for this you know you always put things in front of the most important things and you cannot do that in your life and i've told

you a thousand times it's like you went to heinstein the next day you didn't go because you had to pick up business cards you don't need business cards at all at all you gave away one business card since that day right they're sitting there getting dust but you've always put those things in you don't do it when it comes to the work which is here so it has nothing to do with me you know i was doing projects with other people that you go to the house and they're not doing the project you did with them they're doing something else and they're complaining you don't do that you take it you do it to yourself a hundred percent a hundred percent you know i'll always put myself last which is the weight gain which is not exercising which is not going i didn't go

to the dentist for like five years it just i don't know it's listen i did all these same things and when i went up to four hundred eighteen pounds it wasn't because i was going to the gym every day it wasn't because i was eating right it wasn't it was because there was parts of me that i didn't know where my life was going i didn't give a fuck i didn't give a fuck and then something weird happened on the way to the dance i fell in love i realized that the person i was with wasn't just some fucking chick that i had been with before this was a woman who actually cared about me and and if something would happen to me it would fucking kill her she's that type of person because she was involved in it you know and right there's days i call you now say different

things to you on the phone and then at hurtful i'm just trying to fucking get you get the fuck out of god damn house because this is a gift that nobody could give you i was i wasn't born with it when i realized that the world didn't know me nothing is when i put it into gear i know i let it i say a lot of things that you get off the phone and go what the fuck doesn't this guy want to live doesn't this guy want to do things you know i'm 54 and i know what was important for me and i know where i wasted my time and nothing bothers me more than the wasted time i did in my life nothing there's nothing that bothers me do me a favor give these shoutouts while i to go take a little peepee poop before i drink some green pee before i came

hello everybody thank you so much i just want to say thank you to everyone who's uh emailed or twitter or everyone it's been uh it's been an amazing couple days mr lilingus bob lingus thank you so much uh bud king per deep 007 mark non-smoking narc coey cori smelly brian howard couchy one one two one slid bell jerry brown and michael cesaroni thank you so much uh ookey spooky it has been out there agostino de agostino has been out there josh wolf has been out there helping me theo vaughn's been very nice uh just everybody i just want to say thank you and and shout out to the church family all right he gave me a little shout out plus i also need a big favor from you guys tomorrow night tomorrow night is

august 3rd and uh on tbs tomorrow night uh a guest that was on the show great garcia his show premieres what's the name of the show it's called the guest book on and tbs on at it's great it's uh august 3rd i believe it's 10 p.m or 9 p.m it's on tbs it's a hysterical and the best part about it every week it's going to be different it's an amazing an amazing show please go watch it please go watch it now i want to talk to you about something before we get the fuck out of here and you're going to figure out i'm a pretty fucking boring guy leo tell you i'm as boring as they come if you ever look at my facebook and twitter feeds they're basically the same shit every day but the thing that i put on there the most that i want you people to

notice it's that it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive i put that up to every day in my journal when i wake up every morning that's the first line the first line in my journal is wednesday august second 2017 it's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive god gave me another chance to live why do you think i write those dumb things every day it's a beautiful day to be alive because i'm telling myself i'm telling myself from six to ten i i'm not a regular person from six to ten i'm trying to let me know because for years i woke up saying it was going to be a shitty day for 30 fucking years i woke up saying it was going to be a shitty fucking day for the last 15 years every time i wake up when i say it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive and

i tell you i love telling somebody on the street when i'm stoned to the gills and i'm going to do something and they go good morning and i look at them and i go it's a beautiful day to be alive and they just look at me that is the dumbest sentence that could ever come out of my mouth people but i put that on twitter every fucking day for a fucking reason to remind me how fucking much of a beautiful day it is to be alive you know i have a joke on stage now listen guys as my as dumb as this sounds i don't smoke pot because i want to be cool i'm going to tell you motherfuckers right now i never give a fuck about none of that shit you either like me or you didn't i smoke pot because i really needed it when i get up in the morning i'm just like you lee my first 10 steps 20 steps

are scratching schedules telling myself i'm going to cancel the spot at the store because i'm just going to bomb i'm going to cancel this audition because i'm not going to get it you know what i'm going to talk to my wife about maybe moving out because when i get yeah i get all those thoughts i go in i drink coffee and i get a blank piece of paper i do this every day the last maybe 14 years do you want to talk about why my life has changed absolutely because that was the secret there was a book years ago called the warriors way or the the artist's way and all these fucking gentiles went crazy over it but it's like everything else they read it they did the exercises for two weeks then they moved on with that life i've been doing that i got i have notebooks upon notebooks and a

box in my closet from 1998 where i decided one day instead of writing my comedy sets out no more comedy i don't give a fuck about comedy i do comedy every night is to wake up in the morning and dump on that paper there is not a thing that i don't write out if i have a problem with somebody when caparulo did the second podcast and people were calling me up at my house and after the things he was saying i didn't call him i didn't take it to twitter i went in a notebook and i wrote the situation out and the situation disappeared out of my mind from everything that i'm hearing from aria like it seems like you've figured out ways to to make yourself better almost i guess every day your job as a human being is to be a little

better than the day before what does that mean that if you woke up and you have 700 fucking pounds and you said enough of this fucking lifestyle today i'm gonna walk three steps and i'm gonna clean my ass myself tomorrow i'm gonna walk four steps ever since i started living that lifestyle and listen guys listen i could sit here and tell you i've been living this lifestyle since maybe i was 40 i'm not gonna lie nobody and tell you i invented this but what happens when you're 40 i let it go that far i was that frustrated between the addiction to criminology to fucking eating bad and there's a point where you've been in a point leeway you're eating that six slice of pizza and you know it's bad for you i the you talked about wanting to go get the coke i know it's

bad i think i just like going again i think maybe because i like thinking about the food because yeah once as soon as you start writing you're like this doesn't even taste like even when i was still going to fast food the first fast food to go was taco bell because i had i just had like three bad like i wasn't i was i was throwing half the food away even when i was stoned i tell you like that's how i knew it was terrible i guarantee that if you start talking to somebody you take this seriously yeah i guarantee that you'll lose 80 pounds off the bat because this is all connected yeah i think this is all connected because you're telling me i mean you do one thing twice and it's all over whether it's crepes whether it's jujitsu whether it's you know the kettlebells

you stucks long strong with because they like you and you like them and you trusted them yeah it took yeah you trusted them after that you don't trust nobody you know the the confrontation thing i was not saying nothing bad no no i know it's it's completely true jujitsu karate uh judo there's a point in all those things where they're gonna make you go a little live just so if you ever on the street you don't go into shock right okay you don't go into shock why take self defense if you have to if you don't know how to eliminate shock from your body that's something i didn't know shock from your mind when something happens something happens real fast and here you are on the floor bleeding from your lip do you does your head spin out or do you go back to centralizing

yourself and breathing just to observe the situation it's your breath that's out of control if you control your breath you control the situation okay i mean yeah i i i don't for i don't know if i have a problem with breath but maybe it would help maybe just working on that technique would slow my brain down you know i noticed how we've had 20 000 people come in here that specialize in different types of things whether it's kettlebells and you've looked into it but then your mind hasn't let you take the step yeah so maybe it's time that this is all connected this is maybe something that's connected it's good that you brought it up and got it out of a goddamn way you know i'm really fucking proud of you uh you know i i had no idea of

it so the first person i tend to call was harry because harry had gone through all this stuff and i heard bits and pieces and i'm so happy i think he spoke about it on his own podcast what he had gone to not in such detail right yeah i mean it's uh well first of all thank you and then it's uh it's nice that's why i like because i had i had heard harry speak about it um and i've heard a lot of people speak about i feel like right now it's almost kind of cool to have mental health issues in a weird way like i went through a little not it not a i don't want to say depression but like after i spoke about i felt bad almost like i was like i don't know like i haven't died this isn't diagnosed so i felt i felt guilty about using the word depression

if it's not maybe like he said maybe you're not suffering from depression right but there's gotta be something that's bothering you something deep right like you said you keep thinking about your childhood so amen listen i live in nineteen fucking eighty and i'm not ashamed to say that when i'm not here with you i'm not with my family and i'm not writing comedy in my mind is when i let idle hands my mind takes me back into the eighties and all the shit i did and how can i have done this and what was the cause for this and some things yeah i put a cause to it but some things were just because i was a piece of shit i mean never get me wrong you know something wrong with your mind and you being a piece of shit it's two different fucking things right yeah some of the

things i did was because of need or or hurt or pain some of the things i did because i was a piece of shit and there's no two ways to fucking look at it so uh that's where i live i mean that's where my head is at and this time's like well i'm getting out of it right it's listening to you and already made me realize like there's obviously certain ways or certain places that i feel comfortable and maybe that's not good maybe maybe maybe just because it feels safe doesn't mean i have to go jump off of a cliff but maybe i should join one of these places that you can go and work all day and everyone's working on their own little small business and there's like little take communal tables or who knows there's nothing like that you have to i'm sure that there's

nothing like that okay you have to cover these things you have to keep yourself busy you have to stay on it you know you know who motivates me me money doesn't motivate me my daughter doesn't motivate me me me because there was so much wasted time in my life that now i'm just playing fucking catch up man i'm just playing fucking catch up you know i would hate for any of you 20 year olds or 30 year olds or even 40 year olds that listen to the fucking podcast to ever waste as much time as i did doing drugs and thinking about robbing people and thinking about selling kilos and stupidity i wish i would have taken that thought into something positive i'm very sorry they took me 30 fucking years for a positive thought to come in my mind to make me start comedy and

make me stick with it you know i sit here fucking amazed that with all the shit i had gone through i stuck with something that bothered me lee for years that you stuck with it even when i was a fucking kid my stepfather used to fucking harass me about this shit that i had done like i i played the bass i played the drums i sang in a band you know i went to judo i went to karate i went to kung fu i played football i played fucking tennis i swam you know i tried everything i invested money and then i quit then guess what happened then i quit fucking high school which i created a horrible fucking pattern once i quit high school that was the fucking pattern that my mind was looking for yeah that's the pattern that society wants you to have when you just quit and then i

just would take jobs and quit jobs i was a plumber i was a painter i was a mason i was an electrician i was a roofer i was a framer i was a carpenters fucking helper i laid in the linoleum and i laid tile i was a cook i was a dishwasher i was a fucking i sold everything name one thing i even sold the shit that you put the fucking your sanitary tub so your yard don't blow up with shit and piss what's those things those pellets that you call i called everybody in this country tried to sell one thing or another at one time or another i was always looking for something better always looking for the grass to be green always oh my god i sold neon i sold medical packages i mean i sold it fucking all i delivered sandwiches i delivered chinese food you know guys i sold

fucking the flooring i sold tires did i ever tell you i worked in a tire store and i fucking quit at one o'clock somebody was saying the other day that they got me oh darin johnson came to the comedy show the other day and he goes i'll never forget we were kids and uh they got you a job at a shirt company and you said i'll be right back you left an hour in i wouldn't i wouldn't even wait till lunchtime i was a fucking loser i was a fucking loser and then when the thought of comedy came into my mind because i quit everything it took me what i told you 18 months to go down and do comedy or around that fucking time it felt like 18 months and then after i did it for two years i still dicked around like i'm a comedian i just need to go on stage once a month i never committed

to shit guys do you understand me you want to be a real fucking loser don't commit to nothing don't commit to nothing you got to commit to something because eventually that one commitment now you commit to two things now you commit to three things i got divorced dog i bailed out on every fucking situation that was ever thrown at me do you think we like what i'm what i'm coming here is like not everything is going to be great all the time i don't know maybe maybe that's what i'm searching for and just doesn't exist nobody i didn't know what i was searching for leah at that fucking time so i can't give me the answer to that all i know is that i quit everything right i was a fucking stucco i installed the no what's the siding did you know that there was a job i took

fucking building scaffolds i quit on lunchtime too i used to install railroad ties i quit that too guys i fucking was a pathetic loser but for some reason for some fucking reason at the age of 28 i got into comedy and i didn't commit i didn't commit the comedy to the age of 31 and that's when i told myself i said either i do this if i quit there's no more jobs it's taking a bus back to new york city get an ounce of coke and going into business either until i'm dead i'm busted or i'm in jail or i killed myself with cocaine that was the plan this was not supposed to work but this was the last thing i had and i had a commit to it that's a fun did you almost now wanted to work like oh please why would i why would you why would somebody who's a quitter

everything want something to work why would somebody who quit everything in their fucking life want something to work at first i did it and then when i started doing it i don't know i don't know i i something just made me i understood what you had to do but even at that point there was no i didn't see any future it all i was looking at was a little let's kill a little time if we could kill some time we'll be okay and it's fun you have your days free and you just ended up working at it and liking it like it just sort of happened i was a con man i knew that you know i mean i'm trying to get my passport the edad called the lawyer and he calls me back and i like he goes hey what's this warring in idaho now i do i have a warrant in seattle i don't

want to fucking idaho because i stole a tent and then i got into a fist fight you know it never ended and even when i got into the county and i knew the commitment that comedy needed i was still fucking around but it didn't dawn on me till like mid-95 you know when it dawned on me that i was in love with comedy when when you realize that i was actually getting better at it once i was getting two or three laughs i'm like wait a second a month or something were you working on it or were you just going up there at that time i was i was reading judy carter's workbook and i would write what she'd do and then i go up there and i i was just learning by doing watches much stand up as i could the greats lenny george carlin fucking uh richard prior and then

i look at who was ever was hot in those days and i would try to find the fusion and that was wrong you know it was all uh listen when you get it right now i'm in love with jiu-jitsu do you know why because it's like comedy when i first started i'm so bad at it that i gotta get good at it eventually and i will once the body movement start more and everything and i will it's just the way life is you know i'm saying but it also goes to the commitment i put into it it's the commitment i put into it you know right now i'm very fortunate i'm 54 but i'm living a certain lifestyle i'm going to bed early i'm drinking water with all my meals you know i never lived like this before because you have a reason to live

you have a great reason oh yeah you have your mother you have your father and you have a sweet girl that would crush her if something happened to you you got a heart attack but you got sick so this is these are all the things you know i stopped doing coke yeah there was the cat and the whole thing my wife is a lot of fucking things but she's a sweetheart and i know how she still cries over fidel like if you bring up fidel she'll turn around you won't see it but she'll cry a little bit you can't bring up fennie around these are cats that i can't imagine her finding me on the floor with a mirror and a razor blade in front of me right doing coke i can't i can't i could never do that to her it was when you were talking about when you realized that about your

wife like you said like oh it wasn't like another girl you just had sex with for me i don't have i never really went out and did like the the hooking up phase but i also never really had girls care about me i had a girl who cheated on me and then i just wouldn't have like long relationships so yeah it's uh it kind of freaked me out a little bit that she's so nice and i'm not saying guys that you need a girlfriend to be happy it could be a fucking cat yeah it could be a bird it could be a dog it could be an ant listen there's some happiness out there for you and i like listen this whole suicide thing and fucking lee has gotten me a little worked up here maybe a little bit more than i should but it's made me realize the problems that i have the shortcomings i have like i told you

a couple weeks ago i wasn't doing too good myself i'm never doing too fucking good you know i'm never doing too good because i came from a fucking foundation that nothing good supposed to happen to guys like me so when something does good happen i'm walking around looking at buildings because i want to see the first one to fall on my fucking head who told you good things don't happen to guys like you the same things that tell you you're not good enough the same things so it's internal sure it is sure it is you know it's funny one time when the sopranos uh tony soprano asked her to the psychologist so what the fuck are we doing here what you mean to tell me is that everything goes back to your mother everything goes back to that

childhood yeah everything goes back to that childhood i sit here and i make the quotes i have because i've analyzed that childhood 200 times from zero to ten and i've analyzed my life 200 times from 10 to 20 you know bro there was a time i was going through some heavy shit and i'll talk about them right now just so you know tonight my mother died she was yelling for me for me to come down i thought it was because she wanted me to eat and i didn't come down there but you know what one night a week later when i was smoking pot i realized she was yelling for me because she was getting a heart attack and i was too lazy to fucking go down there that's a heavy fucking thing to live with on your mind but it's not what i did i didn't use that as i didn't i've never even spoken

about that as something to define me i put it together that when god wants you god wants you what could i had done for right in your what 10 years old nine years old i was i was 15 15 sorry you know it doesn't really fucking matter but you know i could have let that stigmatize me for fucking life which i did which i did yeah which i did in many ways okay i did i made little adjustments when people contact me i'll try to contact them back i don't know what position they're in you know uh little things like that you know um you know then there was another problem i had two or three years after my mother died i had this doubt that i'm at i'm at a party with lee we got an eight-ball a coke we got friends here i'm having a little bit too much of a good time

for somebody whose mother just died like maybe i didn't love my mother enough like everybody else loves their mother i went through that facely yeah that's how it was a year of addiction and snorting and teas at four in the morning you ever see that semen man on fire when he gets drunk yeah and he would get all fucking and talk to himself and that's what i would do that's what i would do talk to myself and clean you're gone and you know that's what i did that's the stupidity i used to do that when 18 months i lived with i didn't love her enough you know what type of guilt that is to put on a 17 year old 18 year old mind it's amazing like it's uh it's amazing that you made it sounds like depression amazing that you made yeah that's why i do all

these things that's why i tell you motherfuckers on sundays it's gonna be a great week that's why i tell you motherfuckers that don't worry about what happened last week don't matter just make sure it don't happen this week whatever bad happened last week just don't make sure it don't happen this week just make sure it doesn't happen this week and there's little precautions you could take to always raise your percentages to make your life a lot better and you know what i don't know what they are you know what the fuck they are nobody really wants to face the music because i didn't you know all these little things that happened to me from the age of 44 getting the longest yard and mad tv and all this shit was little things that took over time first of all i had to talk

myself into being good enough to go to an audition that you were good enough that you deserved it yeah like so we've all had our fucking struggles it's just how we've handled them and i'll tell you i really like that army thing about the five things that are good in your life every day in the shower because that's the joke that i get up in the morning i hate myself i drink a cup of coffee i smoke two buckets i eat a piece of nicotine gum and next you know i'm fucking out of this in the shower that's the truth when i get in the shower by the time i get in the shower why do you think i'm getting a shower because i'm ready to go kill the motherfucker oh yeah i don't know and then that's i'd wait till shower till after the gym probably usually so

maybe i should change my day up a little bit a lot of things are in my mind i'm ready to go stab a motherfucker okay yeah i think obviously i think talking to someone would help but maybe they'd be able to show me some of these things that would help on top of it now i know in a week i'm gonna ask you and the Jew in you is not gonna make you pay 108 to go talk to somebody i know you right you rather go pay paul's mother lunch and talk to her in spanish and try to mingle it out but lee you have to do these things oh yeah 100 it's about your mental health and it's about your future because it's like pencil if you don't pay this now you're gonna have to pay for this later yeah i'm seeing that i wish i had like my mom i was like what 10 years ago maybe that you wanted

me to go so now i'm wishing maybe i so yeah i think you're absolutely right that i shouldn't like i said like arie said you're over here stuck with 75 year old ds and steve simone is no fucking barrel of enthusiasm he has his dark fucking days too you have to uh get a certain different you know you have to go somewhere else beside paula and tell this fucking joe d's me 2000 milligrams last fucking week you know what i'm saying right now it's it's it's really weird you have to go somewhere and i've seen this and i've been telling you for a fucking year zach always ask about him and marco and and and and uh wakefield joe sire wakefield over at alberto cranes it makes me jealous i'm not 29 they're young kids they do stupid things they

go to movies together and they got a few beers they go to some stupid bar down the corner after jiu jitsu right and they goof on each other do i miss that fuck yeah am i lonely at times fuck yeah i'm lonely at times like a motherfucker but this is all the things that we have to learn to deal with on our own without the food right without the drugs without the cocaine these are things i did you know so i'm just uh happy that you came clean with this i think thank you for the last god this in the last couple days it's uh it feels nice it like almost feels like it like i've started a little bit i i'll call today i'll find out today what i get what i have you know i don't ever want this listen man i had situations for this podcast i always knew what i wanted this

podcast to be i always wanted this podcast to be for me to explain things to you guys by showing you the mistakes i made in my life that that that was the number one thing about this podcast to show you that all these comedians and all these celebrities that you fucking morons look up to you bro that piece is a shit and they got bigger problems than you they just persevered you know they just steamrolled through all of them half of it like harry said half these actors are in fucking therapy and getting started why do they join scientologists they're fucking crazy they're fucking crazy me i figured out a natural balance life is a balance life is a nice little fucking balance you do a little bit of this you do a little bit of that you do a

little bit of this you can do a little bit of that you spend time with this guy you spend time with this guy when you want to work out you hang out with this guy when you want to do drugs you hang with this guy when you want to get your dicks up, you hang out with this bro, you know, it's just so many different, like I said, I'm just, we all deal with something. Yeah. I know that there's prevention hotline numbers out there. I'm sorry I was busy this morning. And part of that was to, you know, I had meetings, but I always knew I want to do this podcast. And we had a short time with Ari because Ari was going to a concert tonight. We didn't really know. So I have it if you want it. What's the number? 1-800-273-8255. And then I'm also looking, they actually have

an online chat. So if you want to do that one too. Guys, you have all the utensils. I'm happy that we could talk about this subject. I wanted to, after Monday, we had a different guest lined up, but we pushed them back just because I wanted Ari to call in and talk about the situation he had gone through and whatnot. Did you do the fucking shout out for these savages? Absolutely. Oh, shit. My man, Bobby Lingus, Bud King per deep 007, Mark, non-smoking Mark, whatever, Corey Smelly, Brian Howard, Couchy 1121, Sleaze Ball, Jerry D Brown and Michael Cesaroni. I love you, cocksucker. And don't forget this Saturday night, myself, Eddie Bravo, Eddie Bravo is doing 10 minutes and the rest of the show is working out with Uncle Joey at the Ice House, 730 Saturday night,

then the following week. Oh, shit. We're back up in SFO, the punchline bitches from the 10th to the 12th. That's what I'll be doing. What do you got planned for the weekend? You sexy fucking savagery? What do I have planned? You know what? I don't think I have much, but I'm gonna try to do something different, something that I haven't done before. I don't know what it is. Maybe go, I think I like one of those clubs or something, look for something. What kind of club? I don't know. A sex club? That'd be great too. Maybe a sex club. I was even thinking because I got some people who reached out about those tech people that I saw in Vegas and they have a podcast. So I was thinking about maybe going and seeing maybe they have like a coding club or who knows, just learn a new skill.

I said to a guy, some guy asked you if you got the note at Harris. I'm sitting there for two hours last night going, what fucking note? And then I saw you answer him back. What happened at Harris? He was, it was the guy who I met who worked at the casino and he worked in the gambling department late at night and he just came over and introduced himself. I was playing PyGaO and the dealer was taking me through. I'm always good at talking at tables. And this dealer, it was like a gay guy. It was midnight. There were like three or four other people at the table and we were just having a blast and he came over and he said, I love this show. Thank you so much. And we just came, Paul and I went back the next night and he was there again and he gave me a

note just to say, just so we could keep in touch and it must have fallen out of my pocket at the table. So I wanted him to reach out. He did. And yeah, there was a bunch of people in Vegas server at a restaurant. And that's the last couple of days they show me, but I've known it since we started everywhere I go that I ever meet anybody from this or it's just, it's always very positive. So even if I feel like maybe I'm maybe in my own like personal life, I don't have people who I don't think I have people. There's people out there and maybe for people for other listeners of the show. Cause I got I said, brother, I'm not looking for fans. Right. People come up to me and ask me for a fucking autograph. Right. I want everybody who listens to this podcast to know

we're like a family, man. And you ask guys like Bobby and Crystal, ask guys like fucking talking that, ask them, ask fucking Australian warrior, oaky, spooky, every year Leon, every year we got a different fucking family member, Cleo and somewhere another man. This is going to be, this is great because we each, it's tongue and groove. Do you know what tongue and groove is? No, we each need a little bus. I have, you know, every Friday I got to know from Bobby Crystal, Bob LaLingus, his fucking family, RIP, his dad, he was family. You know, we've, I want everybody to know whether you're in Ireland and fucking China and Hong Kong. You're part of the motherfucking church family, man. And fucked up shit happens. Asberg, when his kid was sick and he

had the church shirt on, he went to a hospital and the guy, you know, we know this and some people go away because they don't believe this. They don't believe we're family. Listen, man, I had no blood in this world except an uncle and a sister in Cuba. And those guys I grew up with, 54 years later, they're my family. You don't have to be blood to be fucking family. It's feeling for one another. That's it. That's family. That's when you know somebody's family. It's a bigger difference than a friend. You know, there's been things years ago, the kids house burnt out. I retweeted this fucking GoFundMe and this shit happened, you know, little things like this. We're a family, which when talking, they got sick, right? You know, he had the GoFundMe page.

We all fucking kicked it. Nobody, nobody's a millionaire here. But 10, you know, everything helps. We're a family guy. So when I found out that this existed and I saw how many fucking people reached out to Lee and said, talked about their own insecurities, I said, fuck it. We got to get Ari to call in and break it down a little more and see if some of all of us mean the fucking middle here. So thank you very much for listening to the podcast and never, ever, ever forget this. We're the church family fucking balls out, balls out, man. Be proud. Who gives a fuck? We say what we say and we mean what we mean. And that's just the way the fucking show ends. Cuck suckers. Anyway, real quick, let me do some fucking ads and we'll get you the fuck out

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listen, they're free. Bing bang boom. That's the way we do it. Now today get 20% off your first pair plus free shipping at meonthese.com slash Joey. Again, that's me on these.com slash Joey. 20% off your first pair plus free shipping. You can't lose. Listen, you're going to have the best smelling balls around. You're going to be comfortable. It's going to look great with pants on. You're going to tweet me a year from now and go, Joey, I love my me on these. Again, me on these.com slash Joey. And that's it. And that's that brother. What's the matter with you? Nothing. You're going to cry already on me. Anyway, I love your motherfuckers. If I don't see you Saturday at the ice house, I'll see you the following week at San Francisco. Let's blast a whole lot of love for

the family, brother. Thank you for listening to the church guys and thank you for participating in our lives. And thank you for supporting us. Stay black. Have a great weekend. Hey, back to school. Way down inside. Honey, you need it. I'm gonna give you my love. I'm gonna give you my love. What a whole lot of love, what a whole lot of love, what a whole lot of love, what a whole lot of love. You've been learning, baby, I've been learning. All that good time, baby, baby, I've been a good man.

Way, way down inside. Honey, you need it. I'm gonna give you my love. I'm gonna give you my love. You've been learning, baby, I've been learning. All that good time, baby, I've been a good man. Way, way down inside. I'm gonna give you my love. I'm gonna give you everything to my love. I'm gonna give you my love. Yeah, all right, let's do it. What a whole lot of love.

Way down inside. What more do you need? Love Shake for me, yeah, I want to be your best girl, man, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey I keep it cool and baby, I keep it cool and baby, I keep it cool and baby