Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #507 - Action Bronson

Episode Date: August 15, 2017

Action Bronson, rapper and host of many shows including "Fuck That's Delicious" on the Viceland network, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 08/14/2017.
  

And it don't make me sick Greetings this episode of the church or what's happened now is brought to you by on it on it for all your supplement Needs go to honor that time right now and press in church. Bam and get 10% off This podcast is also brought to you by utopia California listen you mother fuckers. No, I'm with star one gummy bears But there's peanut butter macaroons or put a motherfucking hem in your skirt and they're vegan, correct There you are and kosher and kosher like a motherfucker grab. I could eat it. Are you fucking nuts or what? 20 a life. No parole in studio my main man action Bronson way flying Jew

The half-and-half wild fucking traveler of the stars Hit it it's the church or what's happening now motherfuckers Monday August 14th Tomorrow 29 days 29 years like I said 29 years Congratulations, man Damn or what?

Are you fucking nuts? What are you life motherfuckers? Oh Shit it's the church Of what's happening now Monday Tuesday motherfuckers Action in the motherfucking house Lisa yeah in the motherfucking house What's happening you bad motherfuckers Thank you for a great weekend in San Francisco last week. I think actually wants to thank San Francisco do sure

Thank you very fucking much. How many nights did you do up there? It was it was two nights. It was Phenomenal phenomenal. Phenomenal. We did a little intimate setting 500 people on Saturday the night before outside lands That was fucking crazy some fucking beautiful women in the front row. They definitely wanted to have sex I was acting said did he because I love my woman, you know at the end of the day My dick is on a shelf But it's a nice shelf You know what I mean? It's a Colombian shelf. You get temptations on the road We're men we're men. There's beautiful women everywhere, but you know home is where the heart is

It really is that's really neat. There's there's nothing like having a good woman There's nothing like having a fucking good woman that supports you and that's what I got You know a great fucking man when I was a kid once I see he was older than me. We're talking about something At this time. He was very successful. He had a gas station. He was doing a thousand things And I said I think this chick's got the hearts for you. Are you gonna give her a stab and he looked at me? He goes why would I he goes I got a woman at home that was there when I had two dollars Now that I'm rocking and rolling. I'm gonna cheat on and I was like, you know what you got a fucking point I get tempted we all get fucking

You know, I'm getting older. I'm 54 When I say like two 19 year olds You ever drive around and you see like a 19 year old couple like an 18 year old couple holding hands with school books You know, they're going home the fuck and they got to 5 30 remember those old days When you have to 5 30 to fuck suck titties come on their stomach Bag them to take it in the ass I beg them to suck your dick. They had a cry. You gotta get a box of tissues Of course, you had a grandmother. There's always an argument. Yeah. Oh my fucking God young young arguments over dick

Sucking I remember those men goodness, but that's never gonna happen again. No, it's over. We're gonna happen again No, I had a couple arguments. I still have some arguments here and there over getting my dick sucked You still do sometimes, you know, it's it's real life shit. You gotta fucking have an argument sometime over it It's like, you know, if you don't get the fucking hint. What do you want me to do? You want me to fucking sit on your head? Like, what do you want me to do here? How long have you been with your woman for like four years now? four years Oof

I remember my woman for 17 18 fucking years. All right. I can't wait. There's no arguing. I'll blow jobs no It's fun. It's a little it's a fun arguments. It's like practice. It's practicing for being a lawyer Now you had it. You have a 10 year old I do and a 12 year old from a different I do from two different one same one So you always when you and were you with that Baby's mama for a while. No, we weren't together for a long time. We were young 20 years old, you know Was young shit

Had a young fucking dick at the time and I was just fucking wilding out It's fucking crazy. Yeah, man. It's like you have to relives It's a wildlife, you know, and I have another child like I have a child It's 26 have no contact with it for the last 10 years. We just don't talk Because me and the mom had a fucked up divorce Now I think I've got another curveball throw and actually I got a little baby at the house So it's all ironic how you learn different relationships. It's crazy. It's crazy. Like now I want this I'll make you I want this relationship for sure. This is what this is what I want

Like I fucking think about getting home to them, you know, I I want to have another baby for sure. I want to give my woman a child And I'm fucking fertile. I look at her. She'll fucking have 20 and a pussy I'm telling you I've been fucking I've been getting women pregnant since 13 Now, how how many expanded you how won't you be messing with Spanish women? Since as long as I can remember and you love them. They're the ones that drive you fucking nuts. You speak Spanish Fucking Brazilian

Anything with a tan skin Tries you fucking go. I go nuts. Guy. Guy and ease Freak me out. I love it. I used to go to jiu-jitsu with this girl. I don't know what she was. Nicaragua But her fucking skin color her feet Were nice and like this beigey creamy brown. I just wanted to suck her fucking feet Fucking olives. I get 16 fucking years. You know what I'm saying? Let's make it be 16 years If you just grab a woman's foot and start sucking the motherfucker like a savage Like this guy's definitely got a problem

That skin color was fucking beautiful. I love different skin. I fucking love them love them I'm cuban the land of 92 different skin colors. So You know, you need a little fucking, you know difference. I don't want to see the same shit. I got The motherfucking Albanian jew is on this show Fucking believe slinging dick and giving out fuck. Now you have a new project coming out. It's yeah What's blue chips blue chips is just you know, I when I when I first started doing that shit I was really thinking about fixing basketball games

And in just the correlation of me being this new up-and-comer Fucking nick note. He's over here buying my mother a tractor Bags of money, you know, I mean so I come and play That's what the whole fucking thought the thought process behind it was Trying to make it seem Like I'm a new I'm a fucking blue chipper. So I'm shaving points. I'm doing this It was really just the fucking in my own mind some crazy shit. I love that movie Shaq penny

Fucking nick note. He going nuts Fucking who else isn't that the fucking woman surrounding Susan surrounding So I don't know it just I it it correlated something in my mind And I just it's one of those projects where I just fucking wrap my ass off I just do whatever the fuck I want. I don't even give a shit I honestly don't care Never since people been telling me you got to get action on the fucking show

I listened to a couple of your fucking music your videos easy writer Oh, yeah, the other one that you got thrown off the fucking tour for when they didn't let your college What else that's a fucking old I didn't even fucking perform that fucking song No, not one fucking time. I wouldn't be able to tell anybody the goddamn words people are crazy. You're beautiful, man You got a tremendous fucking rapping style. Thank you, man. It's it's real. It doesn't sound like You know you're pushing You're just talking man. That's it that one when you have the old dudes dancing. Oh, yeah Oh my god. I was fucking dying one night in the hotel room at like one in the morning

I go, what the fuck? What the fucking action Bronson? And that's the first thing I saw What's this video about? I got no idea. We just showed up. No fucking idea. No idea. That's how we do it You got like a weird mind, man And it all started with cooking that's what you're trying to tell me. I mean I don't know if that's where it started. What was the first time you fucking fell in love with food like you like I gotta get in that fucking kitchen and cook this shit right I've been a fat piece of fucking garbage my whole life I don't know. I just love food from the fucking very first time I tasted a hamburger on white bread

Or a fucking Albanian dish that my grandmother made. What's an Albanian dish? Like fucking budek. You ever had budek? No, it's like Almost a stuffed pizza But the dough is a little bit more delicate. It's like a like a fucking baklava dough. You have that? Yes, that was stuffed with meat, but not sweet. You feel me? Yes, something like that Very peasant, but very it takes a lot of skill to make Is that the same thing as like a bereka in israel? That's similar. They have similar names. It's a stuffed pastry. Yeah Now you're Albanian and jewish everybody cooking this house. So one week one night you had jew food No, the day I had Albanian food with the jew food wasn't really like

I don't know what the fuck like the jew is like my fucking grandparents came to island. We're from new york You know Grandfathers from fucking st. Mark's and saratoga Right there in brownsville mother fucking original brownsville people. You know what I mean? My mother was born in brownsville. So then new york jew she eats fucking pork. She smokes weed She's a fucking incredible person. You know what I mean? And she married a very very strict muslim man Albanian You know brought his entire family over

And it was just my mom and my Albanian family. So I grew up that way We didn't know I didn't know about like jew food unless I went to my to my grandfather and shit But it was fucking 50 people smoking cigarettes in the house Screaming speaking a language. I had no idea what the fuck was going on. You know what I mean? This is a crazy fucking time Did you celebrate anything jewish? Of course every fucking holiday that you can get out of school Now, what would this Fucking muslim say at the other side of the table

When you got to open the door and let jesame in what's it got? What's the dude's name that comes on the Passover the fucking ass? I don't even know his jew I don't even know shit like that. I just know that there's a lot of elijah There's questions and shit Well, because I don't know what kind of questions. Do you have to ask some dumb shit? There's like there's like there's jewish women who are really good cooks But like jewish food kind of sucks. Don't you fucking dare talk about jewish food? Okay, the pot roast is delicious latkes are delicious. Is that all you know? No, no, there's more, but I don't like white fish

Sable Yeah, salmon. I like salmon. What I don't like multiple soup. Are you out of your mind? You like creplach? I don't like creplach soup. I don't think so You like wontons? Of course. It's a fucking jewish wonton What's a creplach? It's a jewish wonton. That's all that is. That's all it is. It's fucking stuffed with meat Okay, it's a skin stuffed So the wonton they just put in the soup the creplach They fucking fry the shit first

Then put it in the soup Is it one of the ones I have what's that what's that hot dog topping that they try to put on one of those I thought A sauerkraut don't I put sauerkraut in it? Are you a fucking jew? What are you? I don't know like not really. I'm a wrong jew. I mean, listen. There's just a lot of fucking amazing food Pastry, you know, we don't like pastrami smoked meats that are cured corned beef brisket

He don't like the pickles You can't you can't say pick. Ah, you can't say pickles. What do you get out of jewish fucking deli? Yeah, you get pickles right away. He gets the first thing. No, I that too. They bring you that too Listen, there's so much. What about fucking kashkavana kish I'm here's making up words now. Is that something really? That's a real fucking noodle kugel What oh yeah noodle kugel is good. That's fire, man. The kashkavana kids are stupid comparatively Wouldn't you say other cultures?

Blow jew jewish food out of the water. I would say I mean, it's different The jews contributed a lot to culinary history Okay, holla holla. It's bread It's delicious, but it's bread If I gotta deal with so wait a second this guy goes on yelp for food reviews before he's the fucking guy that writes it's a Listen to me. I don't write real. It's just bread. It's delicious But bread is you understand how unique and how hard it is to make bread good. Yes

Yes, it's the while I guess and the jews have perfected it in so many different ways But then what then why do they keep us with monta? Why do they make us eat monta every year because they had to fucking get the hell out of there They had to make something quick. It was it was just a snack. It's terrible I like fucking monta with butter. I'm I like a lot of things man. That's crazy. You're a fucking stuff loathing jew That's all you are. I guess so And you technically are jewish because it's on your own and I hate and I hate myself because I believe in the stars What stars

So many of them are in the star in the sky The ones that connect three. Is that like serious? No, I don't know what that is. I think this is it. I'm from queens They call it synagogue. It's the jews that have the right uh string on their wrist. I don't know that one, man Madonna jews I don't know that fucking dude. I wish I knew how to fucking cook I'll take care of you man. I'll show you some shit. I always easy easy shit Listen, you're a fat fuck you have ideas like I know how to dope shit up Like I could take a steak and then turn it into because I haven't done you know what I'm saying

But there's a there's a a certain thing like I had a friend that went and was it was trained and the whole fucking thing and He made desserts and on monday nights He would make the desserts and I would sit there with him and sample them And write jokes all night. This is when I first started doing comedy But I would watch him do his thing man and I was mystified I just didn't have the time to put four years in the fucking killing every institute I'd rather work under somebody And learn how to fucking cook but you know who the fuck's gonna teach you

That's really how you that that's where you fucking learn everything That's how you learn everything in the kitchen where the fucking mexicans are touching each other's asses and fucking crying laughing and Talking shit and fucking cursing at each other. That's where you learn how to cook It's not in the school like that No, they give you the basis, but they don't fucking teach you how to interact with mexican dudes and people in the kitchen and fucking Learn how to fucking cook hard. You know what I mean? You've cooked hard very hard Like high volume

extremely I've high volume fucking heat I've also fucking cooked on viagra with my fucking balls. We're gonna explode So I've cooked hard in so many ways That's crazy whenever I seen A chef in fucking action, you know, like orders coming up. He's got two dudes next to him But he's the captain kirk of the enterprise. It's really impressive. I've seen that my eyes like I drew Like that's the shit that I get impressed with it's phenomenal

And then when how he tells me how the reason why he put this sauce Was on this this texture like okay, let's break something down It's thoughtful. It's thoughtful. Let's talk about something we were talking about before. Please. Yeah, our boy. He is dominican porto rican I'm cuban. We had some flavor to the room. So beans got to come up Okay, I go to a cuban joint and I'm telling this I was I was raising a cuban house Black beans black beans are fucking freeholists freeholists, right? I didn't think about this till about 10 years ago You know You get you get fucking black beans and you put them on white rice and you spin it around and you get lead

You get your favorite garlic chicken Delicious, and you eat it and it's phenomenal, but then they got a thing called out romoto What do I add to the black beans and rice? It's like some type of fat to make it really fucking Oh You add that you had a fucking little bit of laurel Some fucking bay leaf You know you use the fucking black bean cooking liquid to cook the rice

That's the difference. So they take the fucking white rice And then they mix it with the fucking black bean liquid and that's what makes the rice black And it has that fucking flavor You know what I mean, what's the name of that uh steak sandwich place in new york joey The cuban on the west new york side. Yeah Now I can't think about it I can't remember the name but now i'm too fucking stoned. We smoked 82 joints eating 16 fucking stars the fucking stars are We had a bunch of couple stems. I'm gonna fucking drive home backwards for fuck. Yeah, you have no idea these stars are tremendous

That let's play as that and guess what they got a they got one side effect Hunger like a motherfucker. Good thing. I got a fucking big stomach hunger like a motherfucker I got a $50. That's why I only eat them twice a week, man If you get hungry as fuck There's a tremendous podcast people coughing People trip those mushrooms are bogusly How do they bogus? How do you get bogus? They were full gaysies. Hey, they were full gaysie mushrooms I could get you some nice ones, man. I'm gonna send them over. They're nice everywhere. They have them over here

Did somebody gave to me at the comedy show or was it a chocolate or was it a full fucking mushroom? It was a full mushroom caps the whole fucking thing. You gave you a fucking shiitake. Yeah, it happens from time to time If you're a portobello, they weren't yeah, they were portobello's they weren't grown in real cow shit They didn't taste like portobello. They were grown in like puppy shit That's what they were growing and stuff like that How many shows do you have on vice-lam man? You know I think right now i'm at four

Jesus Christ right now. I'm trying to do as many fucking shows as possible. I have a lot of ideas, man I can't let these ideas just go to waste your idea, man I just have my non-stop non-stop. What's your favorite one? Right now my favorite one is Is you know, obviously fuck that's delicious is my favorite thing in the world because I get to travel Eat ridiculous foods Chill with my friends and that's the show That's what we do for a living now. You go all around the world without every fucking way just the united states

No everywhere We did two seasons of going around the world And now this next this third season coming up We're about to do it new york centric. We're gonna do 10 episodes Tri-state area Show mother fuckers. You could go to greece without without going to greece Just go to astoria You know

Go to fucking china town. You want to go to fucking laos? We're gonna go to jackson heights I'll take you to fucking laos mad loatians There's so many different things all over the fucking place You know what I mean That's like the thought like brooklyn Always go fucking yeah, it's the fourth largest whatever go to the russians over there

But they got every fucking food. Hmm like they break it down with science up in brooklyn like like provinces for sure You know like provinces are certain things, you know, so it's pretty interesting now Like I've been gone from new york for 20 years. I can't imagine What all those areas where I used to go to cop That people tell me they pay two thousand for a fucking box bedroom up there Tell me some of your favorite places to cop east new york when I was growing up. Yeah, okay. I started you start in

There was a church in the village this was the late 70s and then I just stayed in jersey and bought weed and then the hot hot spot From like 82 to 85 was anywhere from 178 To 125th

Amsterdam right in Manhattan. I mean that's a fucking hot spot right now for some of the best shit That was the fucking hot spot. I mean Washington Heights has some of the best weed in the world Washington Dominicans they got this shit man. It's called haze. It's called pude It's a special type of fucking weed You only get this weed in Washington Heights. I've never seen it anywhere else No one could tell me what weed it is. No one could tell me where it came from

No one could tell me why who fucking else has it Only these fucking dominicans with curly hair They got the shit they got that the curly hair fucking it's fucking screaming playing baseball. I love it They got the best weed and then Webster Avenue in the Bronx. That's a pretty fucking heavy duty place and Jerome Avenue in the Bronx. Oh, yeah, they came So to count the party each other now. I'm talking about 1990 to count the party each other

Webster or one of those streets. I may be wrong But one of them said fuck it if you come to our spots on wednesday We buy a bag we'll give you a joint and that got out so Fucking white kids four in every car coming over from all five fucking rich barrows To buy weed because that bro those are the hot spots to buy weed. That's a big deal. That's a big deal The special is a big special, you know Uh, when I left new york, there was two types of weed. There was green weed

And there was buda. That's it That's it and then some spots mixed them and they called it the master mix and then We would go to statten island. There was a spot in statten island That was all italians, but then that got too crazy. You thought you were going over to buy a machine gun You know what I'm saying? You thought you were going to buy a machine gun Sit over there park over there. We'll be right over. What the fuck is this shit for a fucking bag of weed?

Sick fuck but but then there's the flip side of that where I used to get coke and those were the There was a spot in brooklyn that I could go over and buy up to you know four ounces of coke cash 24 hours a day from They were there from like 84 to fucking I I left in 93. I went back in 93 for a year And they were still there But the hot hot hot spot for cocaine was

Washington Heights and it was right when you went right over the bridge as soon as you got over the bridge You didn't have to do dick You have to do dick you just pulled to that light You made the left and then you shot down you made another left down the street You pulled in you went upstairs You sat down they had two bags 25 and 35 They gave you a line of each Well, boom and you went back in your car if you went back over to george washington bridge

You should be shot hung and they should shoot your mother in the head for being a dumb fuck for having you Because that's basic 101 You don't do that what you do is you take that car you hide that cocaine And you go down Broadway a little bit and there used to be a cuban spot On about 175th up from the hospital there you park right out there and you go get a little cuban meal You eat the cuban food you get on the west side highway You shoot down and you go across the Lincoln tunnel and nobody says two words and you got a fucking meal All right, you don't have ten dollars for the fucking

For the cuban meal stop and get a hot dog, but still take the Lincoln tunnel You know I'm saying it's one of the most underrated things is the fucking meal after the drug copy nobody understands That's the whole part of the fucking thing process man. That's the whole thing. It's the joy. It's the victory Even if you go buy a bag of heroin, let's say you're a heroin type of dude because I had a brother There was a heroin type of dude He'd go into those neighborhoods, but he went with the intention of eating something That would fuel the heroin high So he would go skin pop and make sure it was good

He'd go into his favorite fucking Greek restaurant get 22 malacca sandwiches and right in the bathroom blast off He even fucking told me he wanted to get like write a book about Listen to this. This this isn't a this motherfucker told me this he looked me in the eye one day High on heroin. He goes listen man. I got an idea for a book I go, what is it he goes? What if I wrote a book about all the best diners where you could shoot heroin and nobody will bother you? Legend he had it all the way up to Coney Island Because that's how crazy those heroin dudes go bro. They go crazy

But he had a whole he had a job He was uh, what do you call those people a functioning heroin guy? But he would go up and down that fucking thing And tell me what places he would go eat order a meal like a gentleman And he'd go in the bathroom blast off Walk out fucking light his t-shirt on fire But that was it when I that when I left new york washington heights The last summer I was in new york the dominicans were running shit so heavy up there

That they had thrown a fucking buck at a spackle From the fourth from the roof of the building or the building inspector Because he tried to bust into these dominicans thought what's the movie? Wesley Snipes when he takes over the building in the 80s new jack city like four dominicans Took over like a fucking two bedroom apartment I swear to god and they had a look out up on the roof And the building inspector came they drew about a buck at a spackle at him And that was the end that set off like a fucking war and that was it and then I moved to colorado and got into comedy

They got a good fucking operation going on up there, man They got a lot of lookouts a lot of whistling going on, you know, but I heard that new york is completely different now Like it's not the way like I mean when I similar it's it's still I could still get a machine going at four in the morning sure No one million percent you kidding me get a fucking m16 right now You get an m6t right two blocks away from my house and four in the fucking morning. They got fucking 25 m16s They are whatever you want in the projects over there That is crazy shit

They got fucking guns I've never seen before They got fucking german guns that you fucking james bond was used using in golden eye You know the little fucking ruga the little fucking fancy one who they should imagine getting shot with that like, yo Fucking create a shot with a fucking vintage german gun night is ready in the projects At the hardest place to smoke and joint in this country number one place in new york city I just fucking light up on the street. You don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck either anymore What are they gonna do me gonna fucking? What are they? I'm just curious

I'm not sure What are they gonna fucking do they're gonna come up to you and they're gonna do what are they gonna say? Put it out No um I don't know I just fucking do things until someone asks me to stop nicely and then I'll figure it out I feel the same fucking

Even in san francisco I spark fucking wear with a fuck. I don't give a fuck people or adults. You know what time it is You know what time it is. This is true. You shouldn't be down there anyway 10 o'clock You know, there's a bad fucking neighborhood I'm true. I I can't do it no more. You know, like I I'm too old man to fuck around with it I hide it from you know, I'll smoke outside from my kid You know I'm saying I won't smoke in the fucking house. No, it's still respectful for that man

No, you have you can't fucking smoke in front of the kid. I feel like you can't do that. It's just ridiculous But then again, they see you on tv doing it with the fuck is the difference well eventually I can't fucking Eventually someday they're gonna say, I don't know when I try to fucking Tap out those youtube things and shit like that So you still dig the cooking? I love fucking cooking man. It's one of my favorite things to do I get inspired when I go to these different, you know countries and places I get totally inspired to do things and Fucking make things and invent things and

That's just an edge. I got over a lot of you know people and whatever we do I fucking I really did this for many years and it's a unique thing. Thank you very much This is what this is my origin I love fucking I love instant gratification I love instant. I love to fucking make something for somebody presented to them And then watch the happiness on their face

you know I don't like it when they don't like it I like it when they like it So I try and make it bad. It's from it's from the heart Now when you make chicken palm, that's from the fucking heart. I could tell when you that's totally from the fucking heart, man I just What makes your chicken palm Fucking superb. I want to see the least-based friend. The fucking care that I put into this chicken palm

I pound it down so fucking thin In every aspect that you're gonna get a crunch on every corner. That's what I like That's the most important part. Okay. So then I make a two minutes to a two minute tomato sauce Just fry up some fucking garlic put some dried chili in there in the oil Can't puree tomatoes. It's over salt. That's it. Let it rock. Just let it sit there No pepper. No, I you know, it doesn't need it at this point. No pepper at this point Then you take the fucking polio mozzarella cheese, which is a big deal

Polio polio whole milk because it melts perfectly. No other cheese melts perfectly. I don't know any other cheese but this They sell it in string cheese applications. They sell it in logs Bricks whatever you want. It's fucking tremendous So you cover the whole fucking thing you can put sauce on it real nice Cover the whole fucking thing with the cheese Even the areas where there's no chicken you put cheese You know just so you get a full blanket a full quilt of cheese And then you stick that motherfucker under the salamander

So it heats from the top also and you get all those brown crunchy bits and the cheese is melted like fucking It's it's just fucking gorgeous. You lift it up and it's just Just elastic the elastic cheese Up and down you fucking bring it to your mouth. You have to fucking hold the cheese here and rip it a little bit You know, you know when you have to rip the cheese a little bit because it's too much And you fucking wrap it around It's phenomenal. It's all about the crunch Absolutely, it's all about the crunch on those little corners, man

It's just to just to remind you that this was a fried chicken. You have a restaurant now I don't but my you know, the world is my restaurant I cook everywhere if I everywhere I can the world is my restaurant Have you ever cooked not high not stoned? I'm sure really it seems it's not fun I like listening to fucking salsa While I'm fucking I'm doing my thing while I'm cooking Specifically Frankie Ruiz One of my favorites

There's nothing like listening to a good latin beat While fucking cooking it makes you cook better You know what I mean? It makes me cook better. It's a rhythm. It's a rhythm. It's a fucking afro rhythm With latin flair that you just can't get anywhere else. It's just something else, man They don't make salsa music like they do in Puerto Rico and in cuban Just fucking talk about the the cuban fucking the the Buena Vista social club My man Ibrahim Ferrer

Phenomenal phenomenal fucking ridiculous rip You know what's crazy? I look at you and it's like uh You have your Ethnic roots But you took advantage of new york city to the max You took a little bit from every little add ficticity You enjoy every fucking flavor And uh, that's the beauty of coming from that area straight up

You know like that's like when I first moved to new york from cuba I used to have a beef every day with root of the Haitian Right this little black dude root of the Haitian. I mean I think about it years later When I was in the third grade I used to have beef with root of the Haitian Who the fucking root of the Haitian? I mean, you know You and you pick up this certain flavor you get to meet Jewish kids and you talk to them for a while And let's pretend like you go play tennis with them And they don't get high, but that's good. You can just go play tennis with them

But on the weekends you play hoops with a bunch of Puerto Rican dudes who get high and they carry knives and shit Some other shit, but then on sunday as you're fucking while you're hanging out with your Girlfriend's family and they're fucking russian. And you get this flavor you Grow up with this certain knowledge like for me. It was like greek Italian, you know greek it's I for sure. That's a queen specialty right there. Yeah, you know greek itallian fucking Puerto rican Fucking my uncle my uncle was the super of the building That christopher walken grew up in in Astoria his fucking parents lived in the building You know like

We used to walk to steinway street. I had fucking jamaica avenue five minutes from me I had flushing main street where all the asians were right near me And I had fucking forest hills where it was like a nice weird Enclave of like fucking ethnicities and like the older jews and young people's like a lot of weird shit going on there Like a little bit of a fucking queens nightlife I just you you see a lot of shit man. You see like I remember

Fucking one of the first people that introduced me to like loving to be in the kitchen is a Is a fucking man from ecuador named rigoberto You know used to work for my pops in the restaurant Used to call me a little fat fuck I loved it. He was like you make me giggle. He little fat piece of shit Like it was funny. You look gordito your little motherfucker. You fat fuck And then I would see him chopping up the fucking The fucking parsley

He's like, yeah little poquito de marihuana marihuana Like i'm fucking six years old. So i'm like giggling and shit. I love that I love I love When you chill in the fucking kitchen with mexicans you start hating like your own people Like they start talking shit to you about fucking white people and Fuck it's true You start hating yourself Fuck me

Well, you're very viva mexico. You're very interested in doing that facet that I could tell that you took queens man queens made me. That's what this is. This is queens is the Is the epicenter of all this shit It's very very very eclectic I think that the last time they did some sort of study They found out that there's more ethnicities in the borough of queens

That there is anywhere else in this world Fucking blew my mind That's crazy. I always thought it was brooklyn Oh good I always thought it was I always thought it was fucking brooklyn Nah man brooklyn became fucking Fuck crazy in brooklyn now. Fuck everyone's from ohio or fucking

Fucking this i don't even know the thing about you that i see That he could his restaurant would be so off the hook Because you wouldn't know what you were really gonna get that night That's why i fucking love you man. You really you get me. He would wake up in the morning and go, you know what bro I feel like a fucking fish Greek style And and then you know, but these employees like but wait a second You know mr. Bronson

It should be this is a this theme restaurant. That's why it would be hard. You wouldn't know What you were gonna cook Till that day You might come in and want two eggs with bacon. That's on the menu. No fucking it's a spanish frittitata With asparagus and goat cheese and mozzarella Fucking baked all over it with a little sauce Y'all fucking hate goat cheese. I mean on me. Listen. I don't even like to look at fucking makes me fucking decide I love a lot of things in this world, but goat cheese

I should fucking taste like straight. You know what you filthy asshole. You said something I don't give a fucking people get fuck people get pissed if we go there when you said palio Cheese I almost stopped Because they have it out here today. I think they do because I I talked to some people out here and they never fucking I was like, yo, you know about palio cheese in l.a. No, no, no Hotel bar butter. Oh come on. Oh shit. It's fucking sitting in my freezer right now My mother's freezer with a stick of hard italian bread Back in the old days from the broncos time you go home. You get that whole stick of fucking hotel bar butter

Before they did this is when salted on salt. I salt it like a mother fucker salt the etiquette salt this If you're walking on ice, you might as well dance if you're gonna kill that heart kill that heart with fucking style So, oh my god, I would fucking kill. I didn't like the I like the hotel bar Like I would get the bar. That's how old school that was And I get the italian bread and I cut and just put fucking butter on from the age of maybe 10 To like 13 I did this and one day something's like dog. You know how bad that is for you Doesn't matter life is literally about bread and I would eat the guts With nobody would eat. I would eat those fucking guts. I would heat them up with butter and let the butter melt into the guts

Fucking delicious Fucking delicious. Unbelievable That's phenomenal stuff, man. There's a Letting butter melt into bread in any facet any capacity Is where it's at You let that fucking bagel sit with the butter for just a little bit. You don't eat it right away You get every bite soaked And you it's the salty soakness

It's something special Even the most simplest fucking meat head thing could be fucking mind blowing You know like bagel and butter If you fucking toast that bagel right And you let that butter sit on the bagel just enough That's 52 stars 52 motherfucking stars michelin New york times

Wherever you want to fucking do 50 best restaurants in the world Just give me a bagel with butter What you're a simple man it could work with a lot, but what's your favorite kind of bagel? My favorite bagel is from utopia bagels and queens Utopia bagels and queens and fucking bayside They do a bagel that has a hard crunch on it and it's still fluffy in the middle Which I really enjoy and my favorite one happens to be a sesame When you toast that sesame

It's like you're fucking it's like you're putting pussy on my mouth What do you put on a butter or cream cheese? I don't they see they put too much cream cheese. They fucking put I have an issue with new york city fucking bagel reese They put weight they put a thick fucking thing of cream cheese and you go to open it all over your face It's all over. You they don't even give you enough to have taste good It doesn't you need a little a thin layer of it. I like to go with the butter soaked in Or I get one slice of much of dough See when I go to a restaurant for breakfast and they give me toast with two pieces of butter next to it

I want to hit them in the fucking head. You put the when it's a fucking It's logic. You gotta put the fucking butter on the toast and let comes to you in the middle They don't know that The fucking middle is all buttery. I gotta get the fucking butter and open it and pound it with a knife It's fucking rock hard. It's rock hard. It's rock hard. You can't fucking smear it You know that that shit drives me crazy. But what are you gonna do? This is america today That's what they do. I remember being a kid and going to the Bronx and getting a corn muffin And they cut it in half and soak it in butter and put it on the motherfucking grill on the griddle god damn

Shouts that every short order cook in the fucking city, man I mean, I did you ever my fucking grandfather. We used to go to fucking restaurants used to make my mother take the fucking bread He would make my mother open her pocketbook Say put the fucking bread put the butter in the bag Take the napkins take the ketchup and we did have some Everything everything came from elsewhere coffee lids The coffee things that you put on the coffee to hold it where it gets too hot

You took the sleeves the sleeves you fucking had We had trays from mcdonald's you took trays Yeah, I was like My grandfather would eat his fucking lenders bagel because he was in west bomb beach. He still needed his bagel lenders It's a disgusting bagel, but it works Lenders fucking bagel a little bit of philadelphia cream cheese on the mcdonald's tray Listen man all those bagelies a little bagel like Noah's bagels

When you're in a fucking rush and you're in an airport seven in the morning you smoked 82 joints the night before Noah's bagels works It works. You just got to coach him You got to get cream cheese with turkey and a slice of tomato. So that's a nice one. Oh my god, a little turkey That's nice. I love the turkey and a little turkey. Well, a little poppy seed. Oh, I'll see poppy seed is another underrated Fucking tremendous Toast doing poppy seed the only problem with it is it gets in your teeth. You have to brush your teeth That's what you want. That's what you want. I like picking my teeth. I look forward to picking my teeth

I fucking I could fucking work wonders with this corner right here Yeah, give me a fucking thing from the cigarette. Give me anything. So with a little fucking thing and i'm digging in You know put some tony bennington. He's just gonna sit there dog Fucking trying to put it's that type of fucking night ladies and gentlemen action bronson in the house Rolling joints like a fucking it's like it has a like a cartel member I want to be around To pick up the pieces

When somebody breaks your heart So when i'm flooded this makes me think of my grandpas, man Some somebody twice as smart As I Do For somebody who Will swear to be true I need another star you used to do with you. You know why give me another fucking peanut butter also

Who'll leave you to learn? Thank you that misery loves company You Wait and see I mean I want to be around To see how he does it when he Those fucking stars is delicious too. They're really good, man. They good. They take you to a certain place Look at Lee he's eating like 19 of them to that. Those mushrooms are fucking for gazes Lee

Those fucking mushrooms are for gazes. I'm disappointed. I'm sorry. We've been getting good mushrooms the last couple times There's one dude that shows up to the shows. He grinds them up and puts them thc chocolate. They take you to a different level Now you're fucking getting to the point where you can't even open your fucking mouth like I Know I still function. Okay, because I like taking the mushrooms and like My fucking face is paralyzed You know, I can't go home. I know I listen. I cannot walk in my house I can walk in my house. I'll be fucking bugging. No, I can't walk in the house

You fucking have like I like watching the nature channel That's one of those fucking things on no last time we I was on fucking mushrooms. I was with my girl and We were watching the fucking the goats You know those fucking goats that climb up the mountain And then they cut to a close-up of this fucking goat's face I almost fucking lost my mind. I lost my fucking mind. I fucking jumped off the couch It was out of my face It was amazing

Why do you watch scary things when you're high? Well, it's not scary. I guess it wasn't scary I just didn't know that they were gonna cut to a close-up of a fucking goat On the mountain his face looked so crazy. You can see every crevasse. You can see every fucking vein pulsating Do you imagine being stoned and just seeing a Like a goat on the mountain as you're driving well, that's what I mean If they're fucking tiptoeing on the side of the mountain, you know what I mean? Like It's really next level

Oh Just watch out for the cameras You know, it's fucking nuts. You have like 10 shows on fucking violent Wheeling but what is it vice that the story Viceland is land. Oh my god, and they're all we what the fuck you have a show called fuck I mean, this is where we're going. It's 2000. That's why I love Viceland Because they fucking take that they're living in today's world

At least they're trying to live in motherfucker than today. They are man I think that these are the only people that you know that would take that chance of naming the show Fuck, you know, they allow me to name it what I want to name it. So they went with it Motherfuckers love that shit. They love scream. What's the first thing you say when you fucking say something good? Fuck at least I do Me too Either fuck or shit For some reason you equate shit with being disgusting, but shit sometimes is amazing

Depends it depends exactly it really depends it depends depends the situation Now, you know, I I got a call one day And they said hey, man, we're we're interested in you doing uh Hot ones and I said what is it and they said it's a show about people going on and you're gonna eat hot wings And I didn't fucking I didn't know what to think I turned it on and I saw what's his name He wouldn't need them and I saw

I turned yours on And it was very interesting. You had a friend on there. Mm-hmm Big body, but the most interesting fucking thing that I knew why I would love you was because That you he he wanted to ask you about uh I'm sorry the tv chefs or chefs or something like that and he responded well before you even asked me That this Japanese dude better be number one on that fucking list and he was Like he you know

And you started dropping names of different chefs that you like Some that had heard, you know the the Mario Batolli's the popular ones and somebody didn't even know fucking existed Who's your favorite chef? Who's the Asian gentleman? This this is someone that inspired me It was a show called yan can cook You ever seen that shit back in the day was on pbs This fucking guy a big smile Just always teaching fucking americans how to make chinese food

very like Gently he was amazing Like one of my earliest memories. I don't fucking know why I like it. It's ridiculous. I like crazy shit. I love fucking yan can cook That's why he was your favorite chef. Yeah nah, you know, I just He's always next he's just on some next level shit, man You know, he's on some fucking and all he would teach people is how to cook chinese. That's it easy ways to cook chinese fucking food easy easy easy I love Jacques Pepin also because

In the kitchen where I worked we had a little fucking tv. We'd watch soccer I'd watch baseball I'd watch the fucking novellas There'd be one that we always watch all the time and the fucking el tiburon You know that one no they fighting the fucking guy told me is the is one of the mexican actors that He's like 70 years old, but he got the fucking cock where you pumped the ball You know, so that's how we identified him. He has the cock who pumps the ball We we has to pump the ball to fucking get hard

but That's where we used to why I used to watch pbs when I did brunch You know, I would work brunch I'd come in at 10 a.m The fucking martin yann. Jacques Pepin would be on all day Then the infomercial for the golden for the golden oldies, you know You know when they have the revival fucking things and they Sell the fucking uh compilation

They put on like a second a second of each song. Yeah, it's the same people. It's crazy. It's amazing And that's how you got you know, I didn't get into cooking shows I think yes, I guess the first guy that I was that I got that you you know The only reason why you stop and watch cooking shows because you're either a fat fuck or you're stoned or you're both Right when you're both you say fuck it. Let me watch what this motherfucker's whipping up And it was the italian guy who really did great because he even got mbc to give him a fucking sitcom that dude, what was his name? Rocco de spirit. Oh, are you talking about? No, no, no talking about batali. No, no, no, mr. Batali the fucking italian dude

Kind of lost his head. They gave me a show on a and mbc a a fucking sitcom That's how popular he got. This is 98 97 an italian dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You said he was one of your that you liked them chef something And but then you spoke about like the one I always watch And I was always interested in him because we're sort of from the same neighborhood is No reservations

Bodin, you know, and you said the man it was very interesting what you said how he mixed Both worlds that's the kind of show I would like to do man He's a fuck plus the weed going to cop the weed in the illegal neighborhood and that's what the fuck we do That's the show I've been on I've been on tv going uptown my cousin jumped out Bought 40 dimes of fucking haze from uptown. He pulls it out of his nuts. He's on mushrooms We're in the fucking back at the uber We stop Right before we get back on to the highway because we already have the joint roll. We already have the blunt rolled

We stopped right there at the truck It's called la china. It's the kuchi frito truck the frituras So everything is fried over. They get the fucking oreja. They got the lengua. They got cabeza going down They got whatever you want, but they got one Dominican specialty called chimmy chimichurri it's like a fucking like a pounded patty like a burger type of thing flavored with oregano

Garlic and all that sazon chopped cabbage Mayo ketchup on it on a toasted roll It's like fucking it's like insane, man That's the ritual every time you go uptown the capes you smoke on the way to get the shit for sure On the fd you take the fdr because you that's the freeway FDR boom right there 172 make the left

Then you go get your shit Come back roll it up Get the chimmy back on the highway Same way grand central now because they don't have the fucking tolls in place. You good to go Back home we used to do the smoking tour This was one of the my favorite things in life to do is going on a tour I go on the fucking tour of new york city smoking as many blunts as we can Never having to get off the highway

Circling Going through brooklyn going through queens going through brooklyn going through queens going through brooklyn go It's all good See sights. It's beautiful. You get all fucking bright and beach You go get some fucking russian food go to the bath house let them hit you with a fucking tree in the back You know Let me tell you something When I first came out of here the medical marijuana thing was starting to grow

You know It dawned on me one day. I'm like wait a second The mother fuckers like me Half the high Is going to cop it and going back That was for me. That was in my the way I was raised like that That's how I I liked it. Yeah, there was a dude in the neighborhood. No, no, no My throat's already fucked up from the six shows. I still have to finish this one. Thank you

And uh and fucking san francisco all weekend but You were in jerky You had a local dude He was he was going to the city to get it too. Of course. So one day you said fucking what am I doing in my life? Anyway, get that she's I'm gonna go get it myself And in the meantime, you know what? While you're waiting you saw a sad red hot dog, but he also made uh

He made those little steaks And he gave you a white bread a piece of white bread on top of this. Yeah, it was frank's hot sauce Mother fuckers don't know about that. That's in my book, man. That's that's I put that shit in my book Oh my god, I put the fucking bread on the top of the thing. That's one of my new Ours is made. You know, you get the fucking kebab and then they put the Italian bread on the top of the stick and you walk away two dollars you get two some lemon on it Two dollars a piece. I would leave I would eat four five of them two dollars a piece Oh my god, and then the guy would maybe give me an extra piece of bread and shit

Maybe if I was a good boy He'd give me a piece of bread. It was those those were the things that made you Copped the adventure you would do them by yourself Or I would take lee with me You know, you never just went into the city lee and bought a bag of reefer and ran back You always went to somewhere to eat. There was a car val close to the to the tire To the bridge was so we would go get Cuban food And then walk to the car val and on the walk to the car val

We smoke a joint Walk to the car val get a black and white shake Or chocolate shake or double now we're talking expert level double comb vanilla sprinkles with color With color sprinkles and whipped cream And then we go to a movie theater On the corner there 181 in Broadway. There used to be like a triple feature You turned it into an adventure copy. I could never even dream of just going into a store Getting three joint and driving home. The whole thing was driving back with the weed in the trunk going

You know like bro lower or smoking the whole way Take a chance Columbus did fucking let's go. Let's go That was part of the high Was driving back with that half ounce under your seat Thinking about that fucking chicken parmesan you're gonna make and shit That's at the house already. You your girlfriend's watching the sauce and shit like paulie. What's his name like? What's his name and good fellas? He told the girl to watch the sauce You're just going out the round the corner. That's what it was

Now I like this concept Like I like this concept of I got two places where I cop And 10 in the morning. I know they both over You get introduced to the world of leads Yo, he's out of his mind. Yeah. Yeah, he's done. He's done. You know, right? You know, I was just laughing you know because he knows yo He knows i'm a professional the weed store opens at 10

I'm there at 10 01 bothering the hindu. What he said at 9 55. You think i'm fucking kidding you I want to be the first customer of the day. I want no misunderstanding And these motherfuckers all soft they get to work late. So I fuck them all up The one place they're on point the russians. They're on point jack They get that a quarter to 10 of the tension. They got those hot girls working in there So sometimes I dip over there that sunset herbal But yeah, I go there at five 10 in the morning. I don't want no fucking drama You just drive over now and go in

There's no way to stop There's there's no journey. My favorite thing about living in new york city was that, you know what bro? You know what action dogs I gotta do some shit tomorrow at nine in the morning And you do too. Don't you you're like, yeah, me too What about I swing by the house about quarter to fucking eight We smoke a joint or two And we swing by the Bronx get a slice And go to that carvel next to and I'll have you home by fucking 9 15

That is my world We don't nobody we got nowhere to go out here Then we gotta go to Huntington beach To get a fucking milkshake or something like that takes two fucking hours there and 19 hours back By the time you get back, you know, you want to get high no more. You're like done. I'm done That was my thing when I lived on the east coast Was let's take a ride over there smoke a joint on the way there Eat something and then you got that after fucking dinner joint, which means you go home early and go to sleep

Nappy new new time Nobody bothers you. You know what I'm saying just smoke fucking that's it Just has to there has to be like non-stop smoking Whenever we'd hang out non-stop smoking with the boys Sometimes you're talking about the thrill of the cop We cop From as many different people as possible. You know what I mean? The good stuff

Sometimes we go smoke in the whole house You know what I mean while the girls are working Sometimes, you know, things would happen In the whole house I Know Lee wants to ask you But I'm gonna ask you is the whole house that fuck there's so many whole houses They used to be the 30 dollar hollers

Still I don't know anymore, but they used to be 30 dollar hollers 40 dollar hollers Like crazy shit all over the place these 40 dollar holler 40 dollar around the world $40 around the world taking she'll take it up the fucking fucking Whatever you want $40, but she she'll stop you like real like it was it was a wild thing It was a wild scene. How much do you tip? I don't know man. It was you know, like I just hung out and smoked You don't want to fuck one of those girls in the ass Lee You'll be at the doctor every day for a year knowing you're about the 30 dollar one

You'll have fucking corn pudding all over your fucking fucking bullsack I Went to the $26 one also That was the discounted one Dog when I was growing up there was a 1040 club. It was $10. It was 999 tax 1040 and they still have it. Supposedly it's not 1040 anymore 40. They just kept the fucking name and shit 26 that bro when I was a kid when I was 13, there was these two fucking brothers that went into the city Every week I ain't got that dick suck like $12

And these two dudes These two dudes were y'all. I mean she had to perhaps change all the time because no one has the ones They all had fires this guy's kid. It was 19 out of be like 1976 And these dudes were young If I was 13 The one brother was 13 and the other guy was like 12 But he didn't have it all together See whatever he would do whatever the brother would tell him and shit

And every monday at school They would have a story of where they go They would leave on saturday mornings by themselves to go get to go into the Bronx or queens or They would go to these spots and for $10 the chicks would take them in the back and wash their dick with a bucket Suck their dick and lick their balls. They would come back with a thousand stories. The thing is I you know I would definitely pay to get my dick washed with with the bucket like that's fucking that seems like a nice amenity Yeah, but it's a dirty buck. No, no, no, we don't want to discuss bucket What I was gonna say is that one of my favorite things in life is the nuance of

How someone explains When someone is a little fucking mental You said he doesn't have it all together. You know, there's just a lot of ways that you can say it. That's very comical Don't he what listen, if you want me to tell you the truth He was half retarded, but I don't want to say that. No, but that's what I mean So, yeah, he didn't have it all together. They were cubans. They were cubans. Their name was Juan Alberto Ali Juan Was the brand of the operation Alberto was very like shy like Rocky's wife

type shy Like yeah boss, whatever you're saying like that type shy like that And they would come back on Mondays and just drop knowledge on us and our fucking jaws would drop We were barely getting titties These guys are going deep in the jungle of sex Getting their dick sucked and washed and they were telling us that they're the first person who told me about around the world When he was 13 he goes for $15 to give him around the world And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Can you explain something? Go ahead, dog

I used to have sex with my girlfriend laying on our sides for some reason It was fucking terrible when I wasn't fucking like early in high school. We used to lay on our sides for some reason So I didn't wake anyone up It was terrible sex. Oh, no, that's how you do when you're young. I know but then you know, then you fucking no one's home You start going nuts, but The laying on the side sex was wild But you figure that it's like giving somebody a stab at the beach. Yeah, no, you have to After a while you figure it out

We're gonna say Lee. I'm sorry. I was just confused about the The dick washing. Are you saying like there's no hand job or anything? We just wash your dick. They wash your dick erotically They take it to a bucket Or they get hot water with a sponge and put soap on it And they stretch it out for you and they wash your balls and shit And then they dry it off for you and then they they put a condom on it and they fucking suck you on Okay Because it might be a fucking use condom. That's what you never know. They might be saving money. You don't know

They got them hanging upside down in the back and shit Like fucking photos Oh You got the one of those fucking half hookah houses to get a hand job She comes in with a fucking condom without a wrapper You got If she thinks if she looks and she goes this I think this one will fit You're fucked dog

Oh my god I didn't know those things are still Even the existence anymore. What can I ask you Brompton? Can you get dumplings like is it okay to get like meat dumplings or they can? Can you believe this shit? Joey always says all dumplings are cat dumplings And I can't I can't live in a world if you just ask me Is it okay to get dumplings where anywhere? Yeah, Joey says all Chinese. We have another one of these fucking things

Dumplings I think it's pretty safe to get dumplings in a certain place I had some fucking tremendous ones today. I had a wonton soup Had a wonton soup like I had never had a wonton soup before where at this place that he took me to What's the name of it? I'll tell you after Okay, I don't even remember actually because every time I go to korea town to get dumplings. He says look for the stray cats there's no stray cats Because Listen to me. Listen. This is the let me tell you something actually

You ever mean to do it on your block that You know, like I was telling these people the other day San Francisco these poor kids. They got labels You know, every kid's got a label now like when you meet them they're like, hi, this is Henry And then when the kid go go go on and play To look you straight in the face. Yeah, he has add and he has you know btsd and all this Fuck who is your fucking now? Yeah, like what the fuck are you kidding? That was 11 years old When I grew up either you were a fucking moron or you were all right Or you were a dumb fuck with heart

He got ct if you grew up in new york city you grew up with dudes that were dumb fucks, but they had a lot of heart I say yeah, you had heart. They had heart my man Oh my god, my man filling nunziato from queens He was the sweetest dude like he didn't have it all together Like you say he's fucking brute strength. He could hit a fucking baseball 450 feet But he can't fucking tell you two plus two, you know But he's an amazing

The fucking hands of rocks. He's one of those guys He's a plumbing now He's just a great guy, you know, those are one of those guys, you know You still talk to a lot of the guys in the neighborhood you grew up with I see them a lot What are you laughing about over there Tarzan? He's fucking oh that star's killing him. That's all I got him Look at him. He's shit. We have to put on some pink floor Yeah, nice Take one more one more. Take one more. Take one. Yeah, you look good for take one more. Did you eat the whole trust me?

Take one more. Yeah, one more. Trust me. Take one more. Michigan. What's going on with you over there? You want to take one more michigan's hour One more. Take one more one more. Just eat it man. Just eat it. Just eat it. Eat it. Eat it It's vegan. Eat it. Eat it. Yo, bro. Were you fucking kidding me right now? Can you fucking eat it, please? No, you it's a fucking gummy you just nibbled on one of the fucking points of the star Eat that's that. I don't like the way you're eating the gummy. Please man Please you're freaking me out. It's crazy

Please the way you're eating the gummy is making me nauseous. Can you please stop? Oh, yeah I gotta give you leaf for a month. You'll straighten them out. Yeah You don't get it. I would love to have leaf for a fucking couple of days. He seems phenomenal. He's phenomenal But he has listen. He poisoned his father with what? I'm not boys, my father. Oh, slowly? He picks the worst restaurants because he doesn't want to listen to people so he goes on yelp reviews And I try to talk to him and his girlfriend loves yelp. He loves yelp So before they go on a date like a week before they plan it

And they both go on yelp and they look at the whole menu From yelp and they take what people say and they go, you know, honestly And then he never goes back. So I asked him how it was and discussed it with you I'm telling you you have no idea what I gotta live with. That's not the only time I go to russians But yeah, but every restaurant is terrible. Do you use yelp? Yeah one worse than the else eat the fucking thing, bro Eat the whole thing Bro eat the whole fucking thing. Do you see the thing I forgot? I eat everything. Yo mark. Are you fake chewing? Keep it funky with me. Are you fake chewing?

I know the tricks you telling me I don't know these tricks Lee was just out familiar Lee fucking does periscopes He's Give me the can I go instagram live right now you can do whatever the fuck you want to do I got to go to bathroom anyway How dare you I

Can barely good it takes me two hours to do a 45 minute blue apron. I'm gonna make stars I've gone through it too, what's up? So So bronze action what's up thoughts about your new up your new album again remind the people listen to me We live at the motherfucking at the fucking mecca we had the cathedral right now with my man We Joey Coco Diaz And what the fuck is your name Lee? What so yeah Lee Wang sigh it sigh it. Yes, sir and Lee sigh it Yo, man

This has been fun. This has been fucking ridiculous. Joey went to go take a fucking Episcopal You went to go take a Joe Episcopal real quick. I I Don't even have another fucking joint rolled man. I'm gonna have to fucking set this down on the fucking weed thing Well, so I could roll more You've been one of the first people to like hang with Joey. Let me check on the smoking level hang with Joey I'm smoking. I'm gonna be fucking crazy. Let me take some of this weed No, no, I'm good. I was fucking crazy those fucking stars and fire those mushrooms up to gazey

The stars right here the stars on motherfucking fire dog We're the fucking thinking dealing with Uncle Joey here cocksuckers. Ah straight from the voodoo lounge Trying to fucking keep it down all hours of the night You know I'm saying here and there's a motherfucker on here stone to the guild stars look at all the mushrooms Fucking glass the fucking pipe of death. We got the mule The little mule the medium mule we got the flying Jew in the fucking house It's all over but the shouting you understand me and it's just Monday night. That's how we kick off the motherfucking week Yeah, what the football is coming to huh? That's fucking three weeks away. I'm talking about today motherfuckers

We're here right now cocksuckers live and in color fuck football Uncle Joey action Bronson slinging dick Talking about fucking smoking weed Eating food and how not to get in trouble. That's the best fucking thing tune in your fuck. Don't just sit there I'm gonna give you like five fucking minutes of this shit You can have five minutes of this Let's see if you can see both of us here So not and I can see what the fuck, you know, I'm sitting there. Yeah, none of my so this guy went from being a chef

To being a rapper, right? I'm like, that's a unique thing and also I'm like, wait a second People usually go from prison to rap From starving the rapping. So what's the it was tremendous? I don't fucking know man. It just happens Shit just happens sometimes when it's meant to happen. I Don't know, you know, I'm just fucking I'm I Know what something a door closed and you opened up another one Well, they you that's what life is about. That's probably the best way I've ever heard it explained that you've explained it better than that

You know, I've talked about that before but you just fucking broke it down right there. I took a chance I fuck something clicked. You're right. That's what happened Fucking which is the really American dreams and American without even dreaming it really you just woke up one morning I said, what looks I like what these guys are doing. I may be able to add something to this Bam It's it's really fucking crazy how you know, I'm trying to write this thing right now I'm thinking the other how I got into comedy how I was locked up down, you know, it took me about a year and a half Something made me go down there and then something made me fucking stick it out

You know, and here we are 20 something years later, but here we fucking off, you know, we're not locked up We're fucking with action brice and Lisa. Yeah, you on a Monday night Detroit Motor City. Did you eat the stock? I suck it. You didn't fake eat it It's delicious. I am I'm telling you man Sam mother fucking I am goodness gracious look at this It's that why'd you like to lean up it didn't make you look cooler lean back down grab your fucking little baby balls I'm sorry. Oh, he's one of the best fucking dudes ever. I'm sorry for giving you a hard time right now about your baby balls You know, you know, what's happening next live from the motherfucking Bronx? Uh-oh

Live from the motherfucking Bronx, damn What was your name? What was your name on the show? Was it green man? This is Mark fucking to Jesus he used to be in the band called Shrek Making the band Yo, he was in one of the best bands ever No, don't you keep it funky? your man was in

Yo He's the bronc you're there. Your man was in dlg. You remember dlg Yo, look dlg up right now Your man was in dlg. He just lost a little bit of weight You're the man Oh shit, oh shit little old school bronc for you That's how we have to do it here on the fucking Monday night. You know what I'm saying start the fucking week Grab your balls. It's all over to shop motherfuckers

Peace I love you motherfuckers stay black. It's a beautiful day to be alive always Oh Shit, this is a unique fucking podcast tonight. Let me get some shout outs while I got you here Fucking Michael Gabbard Sergio Otega showed up with some boxing gloves. I got a maelam Zach spray brary Patrick Samoa Caleb

Angie Matt Martinez Captain comeback Mike Davis Ricky G and what I do Don't forget sadly. I'm at the motherfucking ice house And then the following week. I'm at the Ontario improv. So we ain't fucking around. You know what I'm saying? Number two, I'm happy you motherfuckers drove You didn't go through the nine hour delay No, you know that I had to go up there, but you know what man?

I gotta tell you something. I wasn't pissed off at all like when I got up there The show was cancelled. I pushed it to sunday. I went to my room I watched my pussy. I rolled the joint. I went outside. I went for a little walk I got something to eat and shit I teamed up with gene del Rey like at midnight talked to him a little bit They had an espresso machine in the motherfucking coffee every floor I made like a triple espresso at midnight Went upstairs smoked another number ate another star and lawn order came on. I was good to go

Mmm Good to go. So fucking just a win. You know, listen when you're in the hole when you're in your house, you got vice land Well, you know hotel sometimes that I did this motherfucking hotel had verses The fuck is that? My oh wait, I know I know that channel versus was on for a while, but it became something else They never changed the logo. It still had fucking verses I was in shock. They had they had no HBO and no showtime, but that's something else I don't know what the fuck they had list. I don't give a fuck at eight o'clock. I wasn't on stage anyway. So

Whatever stars that stars something fucking goofy Something goofy and shit But every night that's what keeps me alive man. There's those lawn orders And you the fruit like you could go into one like at the 25 minute mark And you already saw it So, you know the plot and shit so that gives you some time to Go downstairs to the vending machine and get a couple snacks to hold you off a late night and shit Like some doritos

So fucking I wouldn't get the menu with the dog those fucking those The cheese nacho the ones that's living is stoned and those ones with the nacho chili Flavor one of those I'll be getting no fritos fritos Dog late night. I'm hooked on it. I'm hooked on tv. I'm just hooked on tv. Are you really? I know but I just like, you know, like you say law and order. I used to fucking do csi like that I would watch any csi miami new york vegas

Fucking zimbabwe whatever. I didn't watch new york because I auditioned for went to peruse I went all the way to producers on that show and fucking caruso put the kibosh. No, that was miami I'm talking about uh, oh fucking gary senes told you no. No, it wasn't gary senes. What is he? You know what happened who the fuck was it at that time that fishburn at that time it was gary senesi But what happened was they had The initial pilot had a bigger crew And they had me Working in the thing

As like uh, you know go get this like a big dummy, dude. I didn't give a fuck. We're in the fucking lab. Yeah the lab No, it's not they couldn't be I'm a comedian, but even if they were giving me six episodes that could have been kind of crazy you in the fucking crime lab Yeah, it's like me. That's the yo hold on. I'm telling you the fucking presses. This is a show. This was a good idea This this you in a fucking crew you as a fucking in a crime lab now would be crazy crazy I think it'd be fucking ridiculous It'll be fucking next level like like the dude was the dude from the odd couple that went on to make a

Fucking show that he became even more popular for Something about that. He was an autopsy dude Not like a no not like an autopsy dude What type of like a night guy that works in a place that watches like the mortician like the fucking overnight fucking more guy That's crazy shit Well, I'm telling you I used to I still grew up with a dude who had a funeral parlor

You know I used to go to the city and pick up the fucking bodies of them from the airport when they were dying Miami and the whole fucking thing That's a fucked up job But if you're looking for a career and you don't want to join the army It's one year and when you come out you make a hundred grand a year And after that what driving no fucking as a job dressing them up a funeral director the whole thing Oh, if you fucking dress them up the whole thing cut their fingernails Cold my hair I need a little bit more than a hundred grand to do that. Let's say you let's say you

Like the kid I was dear friends with he What do you call it outsourced? You're the The whole process. So we had it out of fucking different. No, no, no So let's say you died out of plant you died your family came down and they said I want to view them Thursday through saturday On wednesday night a guy would come my fucking arms. What's the process? My arms and um, no, what's that process called and balmy they do the holding balmy process

They drain your blood. They break your spine. Oh god. They fucking, you know, do a bunch of Put them in the ground like a juice because they might pop up During the fucking fucking start dancing. That's why Michael Jackson thriller comes on. That's why you I got you have to do a bunch of things to them guys. I could be wrong when you're fucking break his back Like when you're uh, why you have to break the back because they might pop up Oh, because of the fucking muscles the rigor mortis Like in the in like in the old school if you talk to your grandparents Like if you Dominican Puerto Rican

Cuban in those days when you died with they take it off, you know, paula No, they put you in a suit and they put you in the living room For a few days until you started stinking and people would just come over and start drinking But from time to time my hand would pop up And then when it was time to bury him dog three fucking gorillas Couldn't pull the hand down So they would have to break the fucking arm or saw it in front of

Saw the fucking thing In front of the family. There's thousands of thousands after doing this once they didn't try to think about It they were like, how does everyone else do this? No, they just because you don't know when your head's gonna pop up You don't know The listen all I know is that one time Somebody was dead for a few hours And when the people came to pick up the body I was there when they picked that person up and put him on the stretcher and the last fart

Came out of their ass What's that heavy fucking duty You it's just not like sewage like they had died like this was it they were dead You know I'm saying like went on and it wasn't like funny Nobody it was outside nobody laughed We were just there and the person dropped bro And also we that they tried to resuscitate the person And the person was dead when they picked them up. I was about 19

When they picked them up you could hear the body Do that last You know And it's just that has to go somewhere. So they got to drain all that They got to do a thousand things But bro what they would that do with Would do like three or four of those bodies a night at about a hundred a body And it takes like 40 minutes

You just go like I said break their spine drain their blood They do a couple other things they stitch the eyeballs, you know, whatever That's why they used to say don't ever Mark that on your fucking license That you want to donate your shit because they won't even let you fucking die. They'll cut you up before you're dead They just didn't know another episode about that with the do from what a feeling What's the name of that movie what a feeling 1984 about the dancer girl He plays the flash dance flash dance. He plays the doctor that fucking cut up a woman

And Before she died because he got an internship at a hospital for to make a million dollars a year By they had a show up with a human heart It's fucking dirty world out there at least I am saying How you feeling Lee see I couldn't anymore. I don't like They don't do that. Yes, they do you better take your name off that dog. I don't have my name on that list You never know one of those fucking People might use it. How you feeling my brother? It's fucking amazing

I can't I look at you dog and I know the guy like you Could never live outside of new york city. Yes, come on not even in a million fucking years You fucking know me like the back of my fucking hand because I could I feel your vibe your full 150 percent You know And I'm not even talking about the answer. I have to live five minutes from queens if I don't live in queens I have to live right there on that border or else. I'm not happy

You know, I still have to drive through the same neighborhood every day. I still have to take the same route I still have to take the same route every day, you know, I feel like uh I'm just a fucking i'm a product of where I am. I don't know. I'm like that I'm the fucking things that grow from the fucking ground Um Why are you fucking laughing over there? I hope it's I hope it's because you're looking at a picture and you're laughing at my fucking metaphors No, I'm not listening. I'm on you're actually not even listening to me. All right, good fun in the 70s. There was a disco song

There was an old disco song that it used to be and it was like kind of weird song But if you listen to the lyrics, you made a lot of sense and it was called you're a native new yorker And I remember listening to that it was just on the other day. I have serious studio 54 so I was listening to it a couple weeks ago came on And it was like me like I could You know when I came from cuba, that's why I went to school ps 166 and the whole time Even though my mom had to borrow unicy to jersey

My my santeria godmother was on 148th and Broadway So on my weekends, I spent it up there with fucking kids who live nine to an apartment with a fucking fan, you know Meanwhile, I was living with my own air conditioner with cable fucking tv Feeling like a fucking savage But I always kept that new york flavor to me You know, I left in 84 before the fucking shit really broke out But as I was leaving even one of my favorite weed spots was on 148 between Broadway and Amsterdam

Do you know that in 1983 they already had a punch card, brother? Well, I like get by 12 and get one by 10 get one free They used to call their weed the master mix They mixed the Buddha with the sense And that was their master mix And I'll never forget one day. I went there in june of 85 And I tried to get weed and people like they know weed, you know, it's just straight up crack on this block I was like, wow the neighborhood chains

That quick. That's why you shocked me When you said that you could still get drugs in the city. I've heard fucking people say I mean, come on, you're a fucking kid of me, but it's still in the yorks I don't know who who did I mean I mean, I don't like I said, I don't know but you know what I mean. Come on You got to be serious It's fucking new york city, man. It's It's comical

So what's next for you, my brother? Who fucking knows, man, you're a man of a thousand ideas. I just It's not stopping your head. Then you're fucking had this fucking voodoo weed to it Really make your head go off and add some natural wine to that. I'm really spinning I'm just fucking spinning all over the place. I just need somebody that's taking notes from things, man But like you said about the new york city thing, I feel like that's just

That's what gives a lot. That's what gives me my edge. I feel Whatever edge I do have Just just the savviness, you know Just being around all that shit and just Being in fucking streets You have to walk blocks and there's different things around all over the place different people different types of schemes going on and

Different types of players, you know just so fucking It's different than growing up in fucking a suburb with lots of houses that are nice and You hear the birds chirping and the dogs running and Everyone was just happy I live in hell right now because In many ways I want my daughter

To experience the same streets I grew up and you know to see what it was like It was just different times then we live in different in a different fucking world today, you know and That's that's something I always wanted for how to fucking Live in New York City for a year or two or check it out Explore explore, you know the skies the limit man. That's what it is It gives you the idea that the skies the limit you look at everything in new york and it's like fuck man I could be there too

It gives you that it gives you that boost That the sky's the limit And that's how I feel And you're doing great, man. Appreciate that man. Now. What's the next you have a new album coming out new fucking album When I got a fucking cookbook coming out And within the same two weeks august 25th is the is the album Blue chip seven thousand The book fucked that's delicious

An annotated guide to eating well Co-written with rachel worton an amazing writer She fucking Captured my essence perfectly just a hundred things I love in this book 40 recipes All kinds of beautiful I think you got things from

A fucking steak sandwich that you can't really make Because I got some of the ingredients from a fucking winemaker In montefalco umbria in italy To a fucking hagan dies Vanilla ice cream with white truffle shaved all over it Fucking crazy shit olive oil To a nice fucking hamburger with truffles and

Just bacon. It's fucking stupid actually now. I think about it wonton soup Yeah, crispics You know like fucking it's just not wonton soup. It's your flavor. Exactly. This is exactly this is what I fuck with man This is what I fuck with I like the wonton soup when it has the pork chopped up in it The red one the red pork, you know the shashu pork, right? I went to san francisco's last week where you guys were at And we were by by house of nem-nem

house of whatever And I went in there What it's a fucking tie. No, it's chinese chinese but straight up chinese very fucking legendary Lying down half the block the whole fucking hoonan Now session one probably right. I think it was hoonan. Hoonan. I had garlic beef. I got a dough house of house of hand Fucking what's his name sent me the name? I walked up there, but anyway guys I had but I You know, i'm a new york city dude, bro. I like the egg roll. I like to fucking spare rib

I like the uh Egg drop soup. I like that fucking Really good. It's not even called war wanton in these coast. You know just wanton soup. It's called something else No, no, no, no, they they do it right explain it to me Well, where I grew up I was just wanton soup. I had wontons. I had the slice of beef in it. I had the veggies in it Yeah, but the problem is like here if you go for wonton soup It's basically four wontons

And a chicken chinese broth That could have came out of a fucking can When you go to new york Those spots those oldest spots it always felt like The broth was made For that soup Right anybody here catch what I'm saying to you So I'm sorry say that one more fucking time everything felt like it fucking belonged

Oh, yeah, when you get a soup and it's all melds together and it's just harmony There's really nothing like it The fucking good there's you know, everyone thinks that the you know, ju make a good soup Or the spanish make a good soup The fucking chinese they have a fucking very underrated soup Which is harmonious in all ways And they don't want to pick up shoddy come on

Look at these egg rolls What's that? Look at the metal see the fucking metal That's something you don't see in the wall Look at those batteries and shit. Look at that. That's true. That's from a greek place Look at that. That's old. Look at that strawberry short thing. That's gorgeous. Look at that. That's the shit I live for I'll never get that here. So I gotta wait. It's good for me. I don't I don't eat this shit on the constant I stay on the healthy side, you know, you're right. They don't use the metal anymore at the chinese spot

No, they don't use metal no fucking no if it has the metal. That's how you know They're not fucking around you follow me Now when is your new uh show come on on? Fucking vice land vice fucking goddamn land Oh Fuck that's delicious. We're we're doing some classic shit. We're doing uh The original episodes that were on the internet first You know, we're taking a lot of that shit and putting it on television

revamping it Doing a little narrative. I'm over there. I'm taking pisses throwing to fucking scenes while I'm taking a piss It's beautiful. It's like no, exactly. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. So all the ftd classics come out august 24th On vice land that's gonna be beautiful 10 episodes You're gonna see the humble beginnings of all of the show, you know It's not like it's fucking Blown out of proportion like we're fucking the Kardashians or some shit. I but

You know people like the fucking thing Speaking of the gotta keep that shit on Speaking of the internet ones. Is there anything you like more than that baklava that baklava your arm may look just amazing She's an incredible woman. I love her very much I mean, yeah going all around the world. That just must be even Still special. Yeah, I mean, you know, I ate at the number one restaurant in the world at the time fucking Italian guy Masimo Batura And he fucking hand fed me mad different things

Where was the restaurant located in more than a in Italy? You know, that's where they make balsamic vinegar. They got fucking Maserati I think it's either Lamborghini or Ferrari there and for sure Ducati It's a little fucking ancient town where they fucking slow food and fast cars You know I mean, that was pretty phenomenal to be hand fed by a genius. What do they cook for you? Well, one of the dishes is he did fucking parmigiano reggiano five different ages and five different ways which is

He took a young one and made like a cloud of it Then he took a little bit older made a fucking little Like cheesecake of it Then he took another one and made a sauce of it Then he took another one and made a crisp of it Then he took another one and made some other five. I forgot the last one. Oh and the last bite was he takes a fucking Like a fucking four-year-old piece and throws it in your mouth at the end Just fucking mind-blowing shit

It's mind-blowing to be able to think about to do these things While he's giving you that you're thinking that he watched his fucking hands This guy scratches the nuts before you You don't even give a fucking mad man. You don't even give a fucking. I'm fucking mom. I'm sweating. I'm happy. It's like crazy It's like I'm getting high That was pretty fucking phenomenal Actually, you're pretty fucking interesting dude, man. I fuck what you have the music to the have the videos to the cooking background to just

The reef of knowledge the city knowledge Running with a Dominican from the Bronx. He's just a solid motherfucker. He's a fucking Dominican Puerto Rican He's fucking he's terrible in all ways, but he's good in a lot of ways too What was so he has a nice always good to keep Detroit real skinny white dude from Detroit Listen guy from a super bad. Yeah, now he does but he's a fucking good producer, man He's really one of the best producers out there. He's innovated a fucking sound Sam I am and he's he's an innovator of a specific sound and he's a fucking genius

He literally is a fucking You wouldn't think this fucking little neurotic fuck is a Is there anything on the computer? We could find a closeout to show this stuff You want to put some fucking Sam? I am on what do you want to play? Let's do it. Let's play that fire fire one that I like The one with the stupid stupid beat the one I wanted to rhyme over the one you're rapping over that I wanted to take you off of It's like with violins you fucking prick. Come on. You act like you don't know what song how many songs do you have that? I like Jesus Christ. You kidding me. Are you kidding me right now? The one I like all genius Which one is a good one you fucking the freaking out on you right now?

No The hot one from one of those albums that you put out It was a good one, man. It was like a three bar It wasn't like a it was a three I think it was called pandas that's what I could talk about. It was like a five bar loop. There it is five bar loop That's the one stupid shit over it called pandas on youtube. Please. Can we please find sam? I am sam. I am I am He's such a fucking. I want to thank action bros again. I want to thank

The podcast Don't forget Go to haunted.com right now and press in church and get 10% off the liberty house I want to thank action bronson by all that fucking shit. What do you feel like? What are they slinging over there? I want to thank fucking utopia Peanut butter macaroons. I'm gonna have to eat another one to take the edge off. You know what I'm saying What's the song sir? Okay

Okay, it's a really fucking fire beat, but I wish he wasn't rapping on it Definitely not my best. I love you guys. We'll see you Wednesday. Thanks Saturday night ice house bitches 7 30 stay black Put a piece of prosciutto in front of the mic Pop the car Five bars for a stanza I'm looking down on you from these trees like a gorgeous panda while you look like a fucking george castanza I hold the answer other rappers like colon cancer I do a show you throw your hands up then I'll fold the money and roll the rubber bands up full plan banquet

I'm in a fine dining establishment wine and the best freshly caught by hand slabs and salmon with the perfect parents The side dishes are must when there's five digits and plus it's tucked in an envelope and sitting by my nuts What are the ingredients and fine dishes sit back listen? You'll find my mind functions as exquisite as wine reduction on Atlantic fishes If you don't like me, don't let it get to be an affliction fact is your sister loves me your mom listens and grandma's writing me fan fiction I'm auspicious while you wash dishes Huh girls blow me soft kisses while they're dreaming of something that's more explicit And all critics suck a long penance

I stand it different while you sound like you need to sit down with someone who'll hold that little hand and listen You're soaring hurt try to drag me through the floor and dirt Just say my name. I'll hang a chain on my dior shirt and put in some more work That's what I do Just say my name You