Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #514 - Jerry Rocha

Episode Date: September 7, 2017

Jerry Rocha, Comedian and host of "The Ramble," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. Watch Jerry's special, "Gabriel Iglesias Presents: The Gentleman Jerry Rocha" NOW on NETFLIX.  This podcast is brought to you by:   My Bookie - Join now and MYBookie will match your deposit with up to a 100% bonus of your first deposit up to $1,000. www.mybookie.ag Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 09/06/2017  

Welcome to podcast real beautiful people the church of what's happening now is brought to you by my bookie a g Listen, ever since we started this podcast people always want to know shit They want to hear about this or that and this week is it everybody wants to know who's gonna win college Who's gonna win Thursday night? Who's gonna win Saturday late? Who's gonna win the family game on Sunday night? Listen, let me tell you this Where your betting is just as important as who you're betting on so that's why I always tell people to go to my bookie

AG listen They're solid. They've been around for a long time and they've taken care of a lot of us Join my bookie and we'll match your deposit up to a hundred percent bonus of your first Deposit up to a thousand dollars. You follow me use promo code church to activate the offer Visit my bookie dot a g today and use promo code Church you play you win and you get paid. That's what it's all about Take that fucking mule Lee Big payback. Oh shit

That's what I'm talking about Denzel and man on fire This is your mental state for the day you're paying back today bitches the church of what's happening now Thursday the 7th of September. Oh shit Oh Shit Watch that monkey It's gonna be a good day motherfucker Uncle Joey

Jerry Rocha, what's up and my main motherfucking Christ killer Lee sciatica. I Don't know karate, but I know correct. Oh shit You better get ready for the big payback That's where I laugh. Oh I'm a straight back. Are you fucking can be showed me that comes out here That song is 20 a life. No parole That's when you leave the house when you go take a motherfucker out with a skateboard Remember you showed me that concert in that year. Oh, please when he comes out there. That's he opens with a little fucking cape

Like dude help them They always help you with your cake Mark cape anymore. I haven't seen anyone Out next year, but anyway before we start the podcast our hearts go out to south, Florida get the fuck out of there Yes, you've been sitting there going listen. We swam here. We could we could fucking make it through America Hurricane Irma, whatever her name is get the fuck out of there now. My heart's with you the Cubans. Oh, yeah Both of my thing better ball up in guy. It's time to abandon ship You start now you could be in Georgia by fucking Saturday get the fuck out

There's not even water left to Costco in Miami So my dad said his friend was in a line at a gas station for nine hours and they just were out of gas and they were out of gas Yeah, it's the night. It's no bueno. What's your dad gonna do? He's he says he's fine there He says he has the storm shutters up. He has food. He has water. He says he's gonna be fine He's got some hunker down. He's got some stars of death. Oh, he's got he's got a little of everything He'll sit there for a week and end up like Jack Nicholson. No in the shining I don't have the full details, but I Tweeted it out today. JetBlue has something where they're only charging like $99 to get out to get out of Florida

So check them out cuz I saw like United was charging like 6,000 or something. Oh, that's evil Really Delta raised their prices to Houston Wow, I saw United today from Florida. I didn't see Delta from Houston I bet they go to Houston. It's like fucking $9,000 is shit people like shame on you Delta Ray What the fuck has happened to society and that's fucked up And they use any fucking excuse to bang me out on gasoline Don't they every time first of all first of all they raised the price of gas 10 years ago When fuel went up because of the bomb with a war and then they started charging me on the fucking flights for it

Then the prices went down on gas, but they continue to charge me 25 bucks on the fucking flight We also hear that people are said like oh the hairline industry I don't remember this narrative like four or five years ago. Maybe ten years ago Oh, they're just losing money. They're losing money that and then every flight you're on is completely right every flight You're on is complete like Las Vegas. Every flight is Chinese people They throw dreamers off the plate Now you're a dreamer get the fuck off you give it two or three days

You're gonna see a Mexican getting dragged out of playing by United by his feet, but I'm a dreamer. I'm a dreamer not anymore You fuck They don't give a fuck United They throw everybody you could buy a fucking stop playing ticket from stop up and they'll throw you off those people Toreous They're not hurting. They're not hurting. They're not hurting at all. They haven't hurt in fucking 18 years 9-11 was the only time they listen bro I travel every week and I went off about it on the Rogan podcast and I got a thousand emails because people know I'm not lying

You know the reason why you can't go through TSA with water How fucking sad is that that a fucking human being works hard for their money? Maybe bangs out of 50 fucking grand a year, right? They want to take that three kids to fucking Disneyland at the fucking gate They throw away your powder and they throw away your bottle water then when you walk in the airport They charge you 349 for a little tiny fucking sip desert water. Yep, like it's their own label. Yeah Yeah, plain and shit. It's listen guys It never ends and you know what man it always lands on the little guys pocket always, you know

I look at fucking plane tickets. I look at playing tickets dog I look at playing tickets three fucking times a week. We have two places and the prices on flights are fucking ridiculous Ladies and gentlemen, there hasn't been a flight I've been on the last two years that it's not packed to the gills everyone have been on to the fucking gills The only one that isn't if you do like if you go from LA to San Jose or some shit like that That's it and listen, that's a Southwest flight. You can light the hell and I'll be packed. Yes You'll cause somebody 50 just take that like to get to that area, right? It's a fucking nightmare what they're doing to people in this country

It's and it's the little guy that came out little family cannot take a vacation Well, like what and we were talking about like Houston when like that like the disaster stuff is terrible But what about what they do every year try to fly home for Christmas try to fly home for Thanksgiving and the prices are three times As high. Yeah, it's it dude it it's when I but Just say your say hey, we like making money. Just be on it. Don't say all we're hurting So that's all we have to charge more for X Y and Z because the airline industry is not doing so well Right, and I get what happened in Houston. I understand what happened in Houston But the fucking Harvey hadn't even been to Houston and they were already telling you gas prices, right?

We're gonna go up the night before fucking Harvey even hit. Yeah, they were like well what they really scared of it They already knew they're at home high-fiving. Fuck. Yeah, right game It's another chance was to rape these motherfuckers because every dime across the fucking nation you figure Okay, so Joey, so what are you bitching about the only raised the price of gas 11 cents? Think about that per gallon. That's a lot of money man country That's a lot of you know, I was telling these guys that they used to be a captain and again being on score pack Conti He only reported to Castellano Wow, okay

On the surface he was on the chairman of the board of war bombs You'll hear war bombs a supermarket chain in New York. He was a champion of the board and war bombs I don't know how many supermarkets they had across the country or crossed the East Coast or crossed New York, okay? He was the chairman of the board this guy if you saw a picture of Pat Conti from the Gambino's you go Joey He's not a gangster He was one of the biggest heroin the Gambino's had dealers, but he was such a professional He made millions off it Castellano knew a Castellano took his envelopes and he played it off like So what this guy's biggest scam was?

He went into every war bounds and built an extra aisle a checkout aisle Like nobody knew nothing Like one damn the general manager of war bounds and you come in with a construction student guy Don't get the memo from headquarters. No, we're building a new checkout line to relieve And the guy's like, okay, okay, and all of a sudden they come in with paperwork and you have the official wall bomb station Pat Conti did that. Let's pretend they had Let's pretend they had 15 supermarkets, which we know we didn't prime way more may way more That lot that last line that aisle number 13 right one went directly in his pocket

At all 15 supermarkets, and they never closed that lane that was always open lane was open 24 hours The seven lane through yeah, and that one on the other side. Yep, you know how much that that light was always on Castellano thought he was getting money from that 13th lane at 25 supermarkets, right? He was giving really giving Harold money No, it was Harold money sure sure so that's just to let you know what a percentage of a percentage does It's a little percentage you said you some joy, but I got a point and a half That's fine, but if you got a hundred of those restaurants, and you make a point that yeah That's a different fucking story. Is it if you own every gas station, and you're charging 11 cents more fuck

Yeah, fuck. Yeah, man There's a pretty cool series on Netflix that I watch it's called like underworld ink And I watched one today about like the the pirate trait like that like the pirates in like Asia and Africa So you had time to watch underworld ink, but you didn't watch narcos again to support gabry glaciers Hey, come on. I put a fucking eight-time. I told you yes You try everything bro I'm gonna watch what else can you do? I mean his girlfriend won't let him watch him without Jesus Well, let this Jesus thousands of couples watch shows together, but that don't matter you tell

Or or I had a city and watch underworld ink about some fucking African pirates Robin ships 14 I could have been watching Gabriel and sent them a mail and said Gabriel you hit it out of a fucking park But no, I waited a week to watch fucking narcos by myself And you've had 92 hours sitting around to watch why do you just lie and lie and say I watched it Who wants to watch it twice? Give just make her happy at least you know what's going on I'm I don't who minds we lose your buddy support then you could also act like you're the smartest guy on earth and tell It's gonna happen before you look like a genius wrong with you on man. I don't think I think it was doing okay

No, that's it a watch on the world. Yeah, it's good about pirates Can I get selfish for a minute my fucking hours on Netflix? Netflix Who knows I've seen every movie you're enjoying God forbid God forbid the boss found out he coming to work tomorrow with a black eye shit With an arm sling like Luca from fucking the chick upstairs. What's that song? From you some kind of trouble just don't ask me

Have a new nickname every show it's not smush, it's That's the same one I've tried everything see what I gotta do. I tried everything psycho therapy Next I just gotta do it like Cuban style. I gotta take two guys to kidnap I'm gonna get two of those black pirates from Underworld Take you out to Santa Monica Asian Pirates, too Yeah, I know they got all types of pirates I wanted to see Gabe on Narcos, but there was a documentary about the Spanish missions in California in the 1400s

I'll tie your hands behind your back and show you into the mouth of a fucking hammerhead Say the next time you fuck up. This is your fucking job I learned a long time ago Lee don't fall just lie just oh, yeah, I haven't seen it yet I don't I don't know what we know Let me tell you a true story about so I'm gonna tell you how bad that is Let me tell you why I'm busting these balls, right? I have a very very very very very dear friend And he grew up with a very very very dear friend and they stayed friends for 30 years And one night these two guys went to play golf or some shit where they had to hang out together

And they got bored and they went to a movie and the next day they woke up and The one guy told my friend who you can't say something like this to him Oh, no, he said do me a favor. No, no, he didn't say nothing to him. I Guess they went home and the two wives got together and the movie came up And she goes the movie was great my husband went to see it. Yeah with your husband And she goes he would never do something like that

I thought that's he would never ever do something like that go see a movie like that without me He must have lied to me. So she went oh shit and he denied it Oh Fuck and now today two childhood friends Don't talk because of that one thing because of that. Look Jesus christ childhood. Was it a good movie 15? Yeah, it was at least 15 years. They haven't seen at least every time I talk to one. I go really guys Wow They blame each other the wife looked at the other wife and said

He knows better than to do something. Damn Damn, that's how bad it got. Jesus christ It's wrong. It's a movie. That's how it starts with this fucking little thing here right here. Yeah One little thing. She didn't it's not like she told me I couldn't watch it. Oh, please Don't lie to us She fucking took in the corner grabs you by the throat and point to that you just don't ask me what it was I swear to god, that's a true story and they still don't talk after all to this day Over a stupid. Did they get divorced or something like why? No, no, I bet the wife said you can never talk to me

No, I understand that but the one wife said yeah, I never talked to him again. Oh, and dudes listen They're like, oh, well, I guess I shouldn't a fucking movie over a movie. God damn. Well, who gives a fuck Who what do you give a shit? Come on get the fuck out of here. Who cares? We live in a world just watch it again. Just go watch it with him again big deal It's not that hard. I don't why if something's good. Yeah, I'll watch it five times. I'll watch it four times Yes, because I want to watch the oh, please Do you many times I want to watch the acting I want to watch the the lyrics I want to you'll sit there every night and watch that parks from wreck over and over

Oh, with your girlfriend. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. You were watching a couple weeks ago when I called that's a repeat Yes, he was Don't tell me you weren't I called I go what are you doing? No, I did yes, you did. No, please please. No, please the boss. That's the boss's show That's the boss's show, you know The bosses and millions of other people that is this that show talk about the softest shit. You know what I mean? Right like man Oh my god. Yeah, dude. I um just I don't know man

But that's how I'm saying we like good fellas. I'll watch 40 times. I'll watch those movies I'll watch I'll watch Rachel. I would rather watch something that's spectacular Right 40 times something new that came out. That's garbage. Yeah, exactly. I won't even waste my fucking time I wouldn't even If it's on hb fucking. Oh, I won't even watch it. I'd rather watch Something that I'm gonna get a value out of that. I'm gonna get an emotion out of yeah that I'm gonna learn an acting move out of You know, listen, man, let's be honest. I watched the godfather 80 times oh man and every time I watch it you learn something new I learned something

Every fucking time a line a mannerism Something michael said something michael so I can't imagine When I see a great pete like this shit that you thought was great Like mammy vice the tv show sure you put Miami vice on you like where's the gun? Where's the fucking gun? I'm gonna shoot myself like I really watched this shit Like the first two seasons were very intriguing. They were great first seasons after that It was like one episode per season was brilliant. Yeah, everything else was garbage. I watched those over and over To learn something to learn something by the directing the to look at the editing which I don't know about

But I know when something's clunky You ever watch something you're like Jesus. This is fucking clunky. Get the fuck out of here I never really got sold on the moving cameras yet That new style it's that it's very That's very rare when it works. It's sometimes it's okay, but it's rare. You know, I hate that move around Yeah, and I a guy like me would enjoy the Rawness of it, right? They're just doing it now to be cute. It's not even raw, right? They're doing it now just to be cute right like that. Yeah, like I like imagine the one of the

Well, it's just the Goodfellas for example the the what's so funny about me scene like that was perfect We're just that stationary. Let's just hang on this dude the whole time You know what I mean? The camera's just in one fucking place right on Joe Pesci It cuts once to see raley oda, but then it's just you know, it works way That's way more intense than had it been fucking, you know jerking around the whole table You know, no, it's way better That scene is way more intense just by just you just hang on him, you know Like you just watch him get angry you just watch him slowly get and you're like, whoa, is this guy for real or not?

Like that's why it's one of the best scenes ever, you know, like I'll watch like I haven't watched the Sopranos now for about a year I tried to watch one about three months ago and oh my god I can't watch this Really? Yeah, it's got to be like another eight months And then I'll start from scratch and I'll fucking drool as I'm watching right right right right right drool again Lafini is I'm watching them at the fucking, you know, it's funny because There was a thing two days ago that that's it with Columbus Day Yeah, no more Columbus days in California as a nationwide

I they got a call like indica They got a bunch of indians with arrows. It's fucking tremendous. Mexicans are pissed on the other side They wanted the corn, you know I'm saying they want to show up with the corn But the indians are indigenous may say no the corn belongs to us So that's already a beef. That's a complete different beef, right? Because these indians and these mexicans on southern california, they're gonna go to war any fucking day now The mexicans on our edge, you know what I'm saying? The fucking indians are like we were the original dreamers What indians like the like the sandmen

Yeah, they were the original dreamers And you guys came and took the fucking label They could be like hey you white motherfuckers were the first dreamers. Yeah This was our place to get crazy. I mean that that is something that listen, whatever columbus beat up indians. What are you gonna do? So everybody else just leave it there You fucked up now you want to sit now these white people these care leaders They don't want columbus because he killed them listen columbus destroyed cuba Did he really I didn't know that was what he think he went first. Oh, yeah. Yeah

We think those fucking savages went first He destroyed the guy's name was octway h a t u e y One of the best malters There's el sol and octway. That's the best one. I'm an octway type of dude and shit So he fucking went and killed all those indians first Then he came up here. Oh, it's vice versa. I don't you know, listen, I gotta be in fucking history What do I do? I'm telling you that he went to cuba first or second He destroyed a bunch of things but listen, bro. We were right. You already fucked up

And in the first grade you taught us he discovered america And i'm not even italian i'm sticking up for the guy because it's too late. You fucked up You didn't do the background check What are you gonna come up with in 10 years that winking was really a pimp right and he had black hose He was you what are you gonna come up with if you turn this decision That means that every six weeks so they gotta uncover someone else Who's gonna come out and go, what about george washington? Come on. He was getting his dicks up He's got slaves get him out of here. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. Yeah, so this is what this is gonna start

I don't understand these people gonna look at every wait till they start with martin luther king Because you know there's ten white dudes fucking doing a background check Martin Luther king right now and saying he didn't really he didn't really march. He had those gel souls and shit He was jealous. He was jealous He wasn't marching You never know that's why you can't overturn these type of shit right because now they got president What are you gonna do about the fourth of july when they realize in the fourth of july they burn 25 black dudes Right had three mexicans and fucking what are you gonna do they gonna turn that to the fifth of july

This is not gonna fucking stop. This is what i told me last week. Who else will change hannika What we told Did i not tell you last week we got to change the jew holiday? I don't think so. Yes, I did remember we were laughing here We were at that fucking hide I told you that whatever what's the other one yam kapoor pass over yam kapoor is this week or next week. What's next? Probably yam kapoor next week. There's one of them. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's what it should start Straight through fucking new years because i thought you overpower me But you guys you show up here you show up there right right you show up here not look at the look at the fucking the catholics

The catholics start on the 25th, then they go to the 26th or whatever the 25th We go off the right the real calendar, but then we go Then we go march to april to fucking six weeks. We dominate some you guys take two weeks here two weeks here cut it out Yeah, just start fucking september 12th and go straight to the 20 straight till new years and compete with the fucking catholics That's what I would do I bet I bet you think we're just gonna bring it up at the next jewish council Dude in 10 years money is just all gonna be special olympians. They're gonna get rid of all the presidents It's just gonna be special olympic kids. That's gonna be on every on every 20 dollar bill on every hundred dollar bill

It's just gonna be some kid who won the three-legged race at the special olympic We got no dirt on this guy. We have no dirt on this guy We cannot dig up anything There was a kid there was a kid in north bergen I grew up with and he had a name He was one of those kids that he got stuck on his mother's pussy So they had to use one of those forks to take his head So they called them He was a little bit of a tart but he was okay. He had a little drool to him and shit

So he wanted to be a fireman. That was his dream. I want to be a fireman I want to be a fireman. I want to be a fireman So they wouldn't make him a fireman. So they made him a volunteer fireman But they gave him like a shield just to like appease him No, that wouldn't fit. I was gonna say what the helmet fit was the problem. They had to give him like a halloween Like a witch is that So it could if he got hit the head with a brick it would hurt him So he sued the town of north bergen because they wouldn't make him. He got his fucking diploma

But he sued the town of north bergen because they wouldn't make him a fireman because they couldn't find a helmet to fit his head so Vinnie warhead Said fuck they gave him a little money to go away So Vinnie they paid him off. They gave him the Michael Jackson They gave him the Michael Jackson. They gave him like 25 k That they get to get a bicycle and a dog Okay, I swear to my mother's grave that's all it takes to give up your dream. So he was a volunteer fireman They thought he would forget all about it. No, right. He was showing up at the fire

So about a month he wasn't even going in on the on the trucks. He would just show up He would just show up with like a truck with lights on and shit and then after a year after a year He started lighting his own fires. Oh just to put him out. Just have something to do No, and he would call the fire department and before they get that he come out running through the trees And he go I should be a fireman with his little witch hat on He'd be yelling with his little witch hat on. I'm a better fireman than you guys I got here before you and I don't even have a house in the ladder with his speaker Doug I think he killed himself. They fucking arrested him and shit and put a little Vinnie warhead ice themself

I think I don't know the whole story Were you too old for Vinnie warhead? Okay, but put him on the 20 see put him on the 20 Here go to yum yum donuts. Here's three warheads. Here's three warheads. They should get you They should get you a baker's dozen. Here's three warheads Oh my god, these are fucking true stories When I was in stress factory one time it was a Thursday night like the opening Oh, yeah, yeah, and I got high and I was just chucking stuff out man

Yeah, and I was Thursdays can sometimes be the best nights of the week. You ever notice that? Listen to me, bro I was saying something and about 60 of my friends were there And they were on this side and I swear to god I go, you know, I don't give a fuck what neighborhood you're from, you know, every neighborhood has one retard And right there that name came up and I go to the north bergen guys are going In north bergen, we have Vinnie warhead and just the name warhead Made them all fall out. I had forgotten all about it. Listen. I haven't thought about Vinnie warheads since I left high school Right, and then somebody told me the story right how they he sued the town they couldn't find a helmet

And then he started lighting his own fires and telling the fire department they were slipping and shit I It's like those triple runs you see all that shit here, dude. Did you ever do like you ever did did you avoid the triple runs? Did you know triple runs is how you learn how to do comedy? I agree my world Triple is comedy 101 because you learn everything all in one day You learn how to drive how to do a heckler insurance. Yes, you learn how to do comedy in front of Mormons You learn how to stretch on $50 for nine nights away. Yeah four nights of you have $10 to live outside You learn how to prepare your car. Oh man for long

Right, isn't that amazing? Like I never it was how I became an expert on my car just doing triple runs I was like, oh, okay. This yeah, you know, you don't need to be a mechanic. Nope You learn all these like I had a fucked up radiator So I could either drop the 300 for the radiator right or put that bottle of pellets in it every time it started smoking I had a box of pellets in my trunk. You understand me? I seen stan hopes travel car and he had he had to stick across the back seat and he hung his clothes on there Yeah, when I went back to boulder. I did the same thing a week later. Fuck. Yeah So I had a four seat car with the fucking curtains in the back of the clothing and you got the whole week

I put a pillow back there I had fucking a blanket back there. I had uh On one side I had like something out like every part of the car Was used served the purpose it served the purpose It was the first time in my life that I learned every Part of a car is utilized that side door This door pocket the thing that you pull in the middle of the back seat and stick your hand into the back Just in case I was sleeping the trunk and I could get back into my car because you got to think of shit like that

When you're on a fucking bus. Why would you sleep in the trunk? Maybe there's a rapist at the bus station. He's got a big dick and you know, I don't know You just think about these things I remember a road comic one time told me when I was doing one of the treble runs He said because one that had to stop and just sleep out in the middle of nowhere And he goes he goes go to he goes go to Toys R Us Get a toy gun that looks and just put it in put wear a hoodie and just put it in the thing So people think you're packing so they don't fuck with you like I've learned you learn all those crazy tricks

Just how not to get robbed. You know what I mean? Like when you sleep out in the morning, I might not to get robbed I don't have to have people come up to you and ask you to suck that right bus right, right? Oh god I'm gonna tell you something creepy all those truck stations like all those trucks There's those truck stops where you pull out and it's just trucks go trucks go this way And uh cars go that there's more pimps than Vegas. Well one day I took a truck route. I said, you know, I was high I've done that too. I've been driving 11 hours, you know, Kelly it gets fucking long And I went that way and there was a spot in my parking there within three minutes I had one young guy

Twice And then he disappeared and then like this dirty white chick. Yes. Yes Then she disappeared Then like a black guy came by those are all prostitutes all prostitutes They're just looking to see what you like and they have showers in there like yes No, those are the ones where there's just a bathroom a soda machine Yeah, what could peanuts because because because because lee on on the truck lanes most of those 18 wheelers It's like a moving studio apartment. Yeah, they have to sleep there and they just do all their business in the truck

They don't even have to go into the showers. They can you know, the prostitutes they just hop into the truck with them You know, they just do their business in the truck and then that's it Like I've I've talked to so many truck drivers doing the road like and listen to them too. They'll give you tips You know what I mean? Like they know all the like just the creepy shit. It's fascinating man. It's like a whole another underworld Never spoken and all those triple runs. What was the guy the texas? cw kennel Yeah

Dana and Doug McGraw and Nebraska out of all those people. I don't think I ever I went back to for me to survive. I had to go back to how I acted in jersey Like what the fuck are you looking at right dude? Yeah, you didn't fuck with people in those trains. No way I didn't fuck with people at bus stations Like I look straight ahead on my my own business. I didn't know nothing Remember taking greyhounds to gigs and like and you would have to sit there and like dude because greyhound stations are like free for All's and it's a fucking junk. You'll see a knife fight

I mean you'll just see and you just have to pretend you didn't see anything You just like keep your mouth shut mind your own business and let it happen and just walk onto the bus when it's time Like it is fucking insane those places there. My favorite. I never took a greyhound bus in my fucking life I moved to Los Angeles and there was a club an old pastor called the comic strip. Yes, and he would call you the monday The the monday afternoon Before the tuesday show at eight. Hey, can you make it and hash you if you wanted a week there now any mother fucking knows And he would pay you 300 to feature to mc. Yeah, which is not bad mc money back there. The ticket was 180 Yeah, so you made 120 dollars for fucking from tuesday through saturday. You fucking crazy. Yeah, you had to take the bus

So I used to take the bus it left here monday night Had 11 o'clock at night and there was the express and it got you into El Paso at one in the afternoon after that I say yeah, yeah That's all it takes just 13 hours. That's it. The express they don't do because like most greyhounds will stop at every little town express It's brutally. Yeah, it's brutal because the midway point is like 6 30 in the morning. Yeah So you got on the bus at 11 by the time it took off was 11 30 Midway point is 6. Let me tell you something you can sleep

You can't sleep on a fucking bus because you're thinking that motherfuckers are the tip over You probably fall asleep like an hour before you stop before you stop. Then you go on. They're not smooth rides Then you eat the worst food ever. God those fucking bus station restaurants christ Well, now they have a seat did they have a seat back? They always have a seat but the problem is the food it's still garbage like it's still brutal No, that shit's brutal That shit's brutal And then you got to El Paso and they're on the way back

You did it with blow like I would take a little bit of blowback with me. I'm gonna for that first time Some guy gave me a gram of coke and I fucking held on to it to bring it back to LA the shit these suckers What cocaine really was And I fucking get on I get on the pun I get on the bus. I sit in the back The feature act is in the back. I think I featured the first time right And the headliner was in the back. He was a black dude. I think he's still around And I sat by myself. He was clean and sober He took a bus too. He took the bus. Oh, so he got me the gig in El Paso

Bart probably called him the day before also Roger Paul Roger Paul. Yeah Bart called Roger Paul Roger Paul Wow, the guy called me memories. I took a less than What I was supposed to just for my first week entry That's when they were up the corner from Taco Cabana Yep, and they had the condo where people would just knock on your door. Hi. Hey, there's the comedy condo. Yeah party And you know, like it was crazy. It was crazy People would just knock on your door. That would never happen now. No, it was amazing, man

And they would bring blow over and women would come over and go. Yeah, we would just want to there's always chicks that have you been in Movies, they would you can tell them whatever You can tell them whatever story you want. I was in the titanic. I was Eddie monster. That was me It was crazy But I'm that I never forget that fucking bus ride back I did two bumps of coke and I was on fire But we weren't even out of El Paso 30 minutes and I was already joined And I had a 13 fucking hour bus ahead of me, but this coke was on fire

It was 1998. It was still glass coke It was glass like the way it was in the 80s. I was gonna savor that shit And man, I couldn't do it. I started doing little bumps and finally they pull over Immigration stop and I went with the dogs to see if you had coke And I took that whole package And by the time the they got back to me, I had my t-shirt off and I was just sitting there sweating up a storm Like with a look on my face like I was guilty as fuck Even the dog was looking at me like this motherfucker. I know you I know you're gonna fucking bark

But I know you I was fucked up. I did that whole package in one line I sweat for like four hours straight. Damn all the way to Tempe. I sweat Those are horrible bus runs. Yeah, treble runs were nightmares, man I used to do no that and then from there I would do I would take the bus to Dallas To do which one? No to connect to Dallas and I take the express to new york Oh, yeah, yeah, because in those days Dallas to new york was like 110 maybe Oh less on the bus. It was 49 95. Yeah, that's why because I knew I'd get a gram of coke for 35 hours

Yeah, so I'd say what do I want to do? Do I want to fucking fly there and only get one gram? I could take the bus and do three grams. I'll take the bus and do three grams of shit, dude Forget it, and I would take the bus to port authority. Yeah get off call my friend rago or lubes that picked me up We go right to the man's house. We pick up a package go over to george washington bridge I'd stay there for a couple days. I'd feature at rascals Or I'd feature rascals down the shore. Yeah, and then from there. We go to myrtle beach Yeah, and then from myrtle beach. I would go to fucking uh jacksonville No, I only went to jacksonville one time to the hotel with the friday night

All you can eat right dude, dude your asshole bleeds Where's the what was the roger paul room in pekipsy? Was that bananas bananas and pekips? That was the one that was in the hotel, right? It was in the hotel Yeah, yeah, and they always put you up, but they put you up downstairs downstairs. Yes, lee Yes, let me tell you something. Was that what the room was for? Why was there a room in the basement? I love cold weather me too. I love the cold you have no idea What it was in that basement hotel room brutal kind of saturday morning at nine and you had to get up to pee You're freezing and the and the heat was on till fucking 90. Yeah, and you're still blowing smoke

Yeah, how cold it was up there. Fuck. Yeah, let me tell you what there was lee you walked downstairs and they had the worst hotel diner You have a hater that you like and that was the one that had the all you can eat seafood. No, no, no, no That was jacksonville. That was jacksonville. This is up in upstate. These people did you a favor you should have hung out there They gave you 25 off to eat there. Yeah, if you were a comedian. Yep. It was 25 closer to your death And then the only thing you had was 30 yards that was next to a gas station That was it. That was your perkypsy. Yeah, that was it if you didn't have a car Oh, that was your weekend

You were you were fucked if you didn't have a car and there was no fucking buffets in those days Like you woke up in the morning. No and you went downstairs and you gave 11 95 And you got a little bit of rice krispies. You got some oatmeal Three pieces of bacon. You got the sausage. I remember when that breakfast used to be good The last couple places that i've gone and they've been like chain hotels some of them that have had like The free breakfast in the morning like you can't even let the eggs are like I had one place That was taking hard boiled eggs and just chopping them up in middle of scrambled eggs. Oh brutal. Yeah. Yeah Yeah

Some of those hotels Guys something real quick and these are for people who don't know for people who travel a lot The hometown breakfast Is not meant for you To go downstairs And eat like a fucking king If you go to a hotel and again, this is no offense to nobody and no nationalities I'm just telling you how it is. Okay. If you go to a hotel

And you smell basal and with other shit Curry curry I'm not assuming any nationalities here involved Those are fucking powdered eggs like a motherfucker. I don't want you to go downstairs and feed your fucking kids those eggs Like this is like there's nourishment. Okay That breakfast at the hotel is to hold you over So you could go to a civilized organization and get a real meal and get a real meal That's a civilized organization. That's the problem. You got right there

So a few people travel and go well the breakfast gave me my hemorrhoid came back Because you went down And you thought it was beef steak charlie. It ain't beef steak charlie It is just meant to get you to the next meal up the corner Yep So if you go to jersey, you're not going to jersey to eat the scrambled eggs at the hotel on white No, you're going downstairs at seven when you wake up Right after you eat your wife's fucking asshole for breakfast

You tell him when I go downstairs you make the coffee in your room, but you're downstairs You get a little cup of oatmeal. Yeah, and maybe some rice krispies And you bring them up to your room. You don't you don't never sit there and eat with them No, no, that's scary. You don't eat the bagel unless it's new jersey in new york or boston Stay away from the bagel. Oh, yeah, those bagels are for new bagels Those bagels are stamina bagels Those bagels are as they say in the movies for gazes. Yeah, that's the bagel. All right Stick to the fucking cheerios

The fucking uh, the special k that's safe, you know, I'll tell you what Those powdered eggs. I won't touch but if I see a hard-boiled egg, listen If it buys me an hour and I don't get car sick I take two pieces of white bread. I put in the toaster I killed that motherfucking bread with that packaged butter And I take that fucking hard-boiled egg and I cut it into slices like a little fucking savage You eat that with a bowl of cheerios nothing bad could happen to you. Yeah, remember one thing You can eat a cow's asshole

I eat a bowl of cheerios and you're balanced out for the day If you're looking for a yin to your yang cheerios always balances. Yeah, what's number one seller of cheerios, honey? No, honey. No, that is what you Honey that is I can't even tell you my niece is here with a honey Uh, you don't like honey that I love honey Yeah, honey, you eat the fucking regular ones. Yeah, regular cheerios, man You eat the regular cheerios and it lowers your cholesterol I didn't know that. Well, I thought I thought maybe blood pressure honey. I did the same thing that's what oats does to you

Okay, it naturally lowers it and shit. It's like, you know, I don't want you to go eat 22 slices of bacon And a fucking half a cow and these are bowl of cheerios and come to me and say joey I got a heart attack. No no no no no I'm talking about if you eat a fucking decent breakfast every day like oatmeal. Yeah, and that see oatmeal Supposedly sucks something out of your bloodstream Cholesterol. Yeah out of your bloodstream. It's good for you. It's good for you, man Fuck yeah I can't stand oatmeal

Why would you you like hummus? Well, I don't I'm surprisingly the hummus for breakfast I have now. Do you ever eat cheerios for breakfast? Yeah, of course milk just cheerios and milk No sugar. No ice cream. No bullshit. I wonder when would I have ice cream for breakfast Lee? Nothing that you do surprises From the chargos to the korean sandwich Can anyone pull up? I wish I had the the episode with them, uh, orange is the new black just as just to see

but I don't know. I mean, I yeah, I don't really eat a lot of cereal for breakfast It could be good. It has its moments, man. I love cereal. There's nothing wrong with it. Oh shit. I'm just Oh Oh There's your boy at 18. Oh, wow. Look at that. Look at that eating cereal. Look at that. That's great, man Show it to Lou. Show it to Lee. I see. Yeah, that's crazy Look at that. I thought that was a hat

No, that's my hand you fuck. That's what I had the Jufro from far away. I thought it was a hat It's great. How was that? It looked nice. That's crazy. When did you get that? Just now Someone just sent it to you. Yeah. No, I just fucking The blue bird of happiness and the cia just dropped off an envelope Lee I know You have pictures on your phone. I'm asking if you've got it like now or if you just if someone just randomly texted you You're on the podcast He's telling me now how texting works

I'm just telling you at the bumper of the happiness Just happen to be fly. I can use the blue bird of happiness right now. It's fluttered in. No, you need a lot of things I do it's fluttered in the twitter bird Nobody brightens my day like me. Nobody keeps me hot Bro, he keeps he doesn't understand. He thinks I pay him for the podcast. I'm paying for entertainment I pay him for entertainment just to get his I'm starting I'm thinking of starting a business. I got the idea from him

He calls me to aggravate me every day. I'm gonna call people to brighten the day I also provide that service to if you want somebody to call you an aggravator. I got the perfect I got the first 10% though, right? Yeah Get nothing. I thought it was cock sucker. I'm the inspiration No, you might be the inspiration, but you're an employee. Let me get a fucking paper toppling I'm gonna have to go to the hospital again tonight. You're right. What happened? Go to my dentist tomorrow. He has a laser. That laser don't fucking work. Yes, it does. My tongue didn't bleed Listen to what I'm gonna go home and do I got a fucking tube of crazy glue at my house

Oh, Jesus, don't put crazy glue in your mouth Joey. Don't do that. No, fuck. That's so toxic Oh, bro, I'm from North Bergen, New Jersey. That doesn't matter. I swam in the Hudson Okay, I ate a fucking eels heart one time that my friend Mike caught R.I.P. Joe idea some crazy glue in your mouth ain't shit Right on your tongue though. I think I licked a black chick's tip one time with a peep show in new york for a quarter You know they let you lick for a quarter for a fucking 10 50 to let you finger him and I'm no way For a hundred bucks they let you watch a movie before them For a hundred bucks you get to watch narcos. It's not a documentary

I don't think I ever sucked the fucking black chicks to the fucking peep show. You know me The younger I was young and I would go to peep shows. I was still petrified a pussy and yeah, sure You know, however, they let you get like had you to sneak in break it. They didn't give a fuck Listen, if you ran by the big guy at the door, he going you come back if you came back you're an asshole He wanted you to go in there. They want you to get tempted and go home and fuck your cousin And fuck the neighborhood. You're set. You're in for life. Yeah, you're in for life. You're in for life That was their job in the 70s when you walked up 88s thing He's up on the second street

Oh, that was that it's like the fucking cigarette companies, right? They want for it. They want kids to smoke They're over there passing out cigarettes at the library The good old days they're over there passing out cigarettes at the library What do you think they're doing for this stop kids from smoking? No, because they want kids to fucking smoke cigarettes. Yeah the same thing Listen, I've told you guys. I told Lee a thousand times I went to grammar school with two brothers One that was straight up and the other one that was a little mo mo'd up

And every Monday they came they were in the pilot program. Okay, which meant that you had a They had come from q by the young age. Okay, instead of being a dreamer, right? They call them pilot program I remember hearing pilot program before. Yeah pilot program was You had to stay back till you learned the language. Okay. Okay. So once you got the language, it could have been three years So by the time you got to the seventh grade if you were driving to school You were eligible for the pilot program at North Bergen. Wow If you were driving to school or you had kids You were in the eligible

So you'd be in the seventh grade and McKinley And I remember like feeling insecure because in the seventh grade There was like three or four kids who sat in the back and they had hairy legs And beads and hair under their armpits How did you know that because yeah, but because they're right in front of me in gym class In gym class, you got to change with other guys And I'd be there with my tiny whiteies with that bozo I had to do on my dick Where just the sides get filled in then you have that two-year pause

Where the middle head grows you ever have that's what's happened to every guy. Yeah every man When we're about 13 The sides of your hand fill up and you're like in nine months. I'm gonna be slinging You even time it quick. You say well if this if the if the From the home plate to the outfield What's that line called that that that foul line? Because that's what it's called from your dick your dick is the home plate. Okay, right? The first thing that grows is the foul line here

It grows all the way up. It gets bushy quick But it leaves a gap in the middle and there's no road. You got the bozo the clown You got the bozo the calm bloke Now in those days you had two options second basins in her field is fucked up. It looks like fucking Harvey hit it There is not a tree It doesn't there's nothing There's fucking nothing there's nothing you're fucking sitting there every day You're planning on fucking your babysitter, but the hand won't grow. You're thinking about a road game

The only thing that works a little bit is you take mascara Just to give you the effect with I gotta put like a purple light on and let's up with Like why are you putting a purple light on because I'm putting on let's up 10 years after So it was fucked up. That's how your head grew. How'd we get on this subject? I don't know Well, we talked about the pilot program Which you were saying like a pilot program back to Lee right away. How did you know he had a head? That's how I fucking knew Lee Because if I was 10 and I had hair this guy was like 17. It was like the dominican little league team

Yeah No Remember they showed up with fake birth certificates What a great scam like why not hey fucking let's let's share we're gonna these kids are all 12 These are all like 12 year old dominicans who have full beers and like and they're six three and they're just all muscle Oh, man, didn't I see him on the page on the potteries last year? Yeah, exactly. He fucked the nick idea. He got called down the kids in my school that were in the pilot program I still remember them were peter german as

lewis zaldivar Because lewis zaldivar was him. He just turned 56 last week. So I went out because he was on facebook I wish him a happy birthday. I came up with one of my friends. Nice. And the funny thing was that He was 16 when I was 14 or something like that, right? But they had taken him out late to set so all these kids Were either 16 or 17 and they were still in the seventh grade And they were scattered all around the north bergain school system Wow

Were the other kids just scared shitless of them. Was everybody just terrified of them? No, they were cool. Okay There was like I remember like three of them that we actually hung out with that were great guys But they had like insecurities. They were 16 Hanging out with kids that were 13, right? You know how bad the and they were always in the back of the graduation pictures If you looked at mckinley's graduation pictures the background for the previous five years Everybody in the back had beers Big Cuban women pregnant

Fucking hilarious Hilarious. Oh, shit. That's great. Nobody remembers the pilot program. Then they did away with it They just gotta get her in your shit. If you're that stupid drop out Get a job on totally having to we can't help you. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna tell you a load fucking truck Number two very much congratulations for your Netflix. Oh, thank you so much, man I tried to get you on before the release. That's okay And uh, this is great flicting schedules and whatnot. Yeah, and I meant to get you on and then this guy cancelled

This guy worked for pushing back So I said it's a good time to have jerry's is an honor. Plus. I miss you. It's weird because I know I haven't seen you man. We live three blocks away from each other And we don't there was a time when we lived three states apart. We talked more. Yeah, I know I know talk more because I would always go to El Paso and I'd request him It was a bass man or somewhere else and we and then we as soon as I go He'd already have The chinese restaurant ready. I knew where to go here. We're gonna go here. He knew this is a place

No, and then I'm in the bean somewhere and you showed up and took me to eat like yeah Yeah, I worked some way right you were just passing through yeah, dude And you picked me up and took me to a fucking restaurant to eat and shit like that Those are the best days, dude. It was guy. We had so much fun We used to go to a chinese restaurant. No pass on the other side They're on friday. It was all you could eat. Yes, and it was fucking godawful. It was terrible sweet and sour Yeah And it looked like a fucking bleed the place when you walked outside. It looked like a palace

Yeah, it was a whole strip club. Yeah. Yeah, it was one of the things where it was the size of a target You know what I mean? It literally was that big It was this massive and they had the big golden fucking Lions and dragons outside and all that stuff and you go in God do those noodles remember how bad those noodles are joey We're just oh god, I also remember too. I felt so bad. But I remember we we went we went shopping for clothes And then I I remember I went and bought like eight action figures at a comic book store And I was fucking opening them up in the fucking condo

This sitting there with fucking Thor and the Hulk and all that that was the best joey hulk smash them I feel like he's nice I couldn't believe it. I went back in my room and locked the door The best though is I remember I was leaving Um, I was gonna drive back to Dallas, right? And I was in the morning I was gonna get up and go and you just saw where the fuck you going And I was like what and then just pointed the tv and it was uh, the history of pink floyd was on vh1 classic Remember that we're both like, oh shit. I'm not going anywhere. We stayed and watch that

Yeah, let's get out of fucking pizza. Yeah, yeah, dude, that was Oh, that was a vast man. That was so much fun But you know, thank you. There's thanks. It's been it's been did you get to hear that the the cd I got you of all those old Psychedelic metal bands. Yes, that's good shit. Isn't it put it in my car And when I fucking traded it in Oh, no left it. That was what I was I gotta get you again. I gotta get to you again It's they were great though, weren't they, you know, it's I sometimes it's good just to get a surprise

Right, sometimes it's good to put something in your car Yeah, nothing to lose And you know, you're gonna get stuck on the 405 right and you really gonna make calls But it's so much traffic. You really don't want to talk You're in the hov lady is driving by yourself. Yep. You got to pay attention to see if that motorcycle cop is coming You ain't got time to be talking Yep, because that 405 I got on the hov Fuck it. Why not alone or the bus with 11 midgets

I get in the hov because what are the odds they're really gonna bust? Oh, they'll catch you you think? Yeah, oh man, I do I've seen them bust people you there's a time where you got to do it You don't do it by the law you do it If you're gonna do it, listen, it's gonna be a five on a little ticket No matter how you look at it. Right, right. So I do it when shit gets hairy. Bam. I shoot over The whole time I my my eyes in that rear view mirror like the feds are watching me First time like Ray Leota looking for the helicopter. Yeah First time I see a motorcycle

And he's kind of weird. Yeah, I'll pop the fuck out. It's his word against mine Right, right. I'm 100 yards away unless he's fucking Johnny eyeballs. No way. Well, he was a sniper in vietnam And he ate all his carrots. He ain't gonna know You know what I'm saying? So I always pay attention number two. I got the baby seat in the back Oh, that helps that already tricks people that already tricks people So I've already had them drive by me going. Jesus. Joseph. Please lord. Please lord, right number two. I don't take advantage of it Right. Just every time we go to the the airport Fair enough

Hey, I I pay my tax dollars to the five pay look at your plane ticket. You know all these Exactly. Even look at all these phone company commercials that come on and go Why do I want one of my paying for this? What am I paying for that? Right? Look at your fucking plane ticket. Yeah You pay for fucking Charlie's roller skates at the blind center You pay for fucking a thousand things and again But generally it's only a dollar 18. Yeah, but from how many fucking subscribers How many plane tickets do they sell a day? Oh god. Oh god astronomical Because like we said, there's never been an empty flight. I've you know, I've never been on a flight

That wasn't completely packed nine times out of 10. Uh, this flight's completely full Can you please give us any of your large bags? We'll we'll check it to your final destination And it's like how they're running out of space if everybody can only put one up in the top There should be room for everybody. No, no, there's no, you know, no, there's not because people have gotten in And I don't blame people but then again, I do blame. Yeah Okay, you again, we're talking about saving every time If every time you fly to go home to see your grandmother who's dying of cancer You pay $50 for your luggage and you go home once a month

That's 600 hours a year. You're paying for your luggage If you spend half of that on your grandmother and bought her flowers, there's like guys This is how you have to think when you're making $60,000 or below Right and you get put in a bad situation in your life Okay, man And there comes a time when you're gonna get put in a bad situation in your life And those fucking playing people with thieves God

They're thieves because okay, let's pretend you have a death in the family Listen, it cost you more They charge you half of a full For a flight fare At fit and at the end of the day, you're paying more than what it tells you on the computer You're paying more than what it tells you on the computer Do the wi-fi and then you got to go home and act like a fucking fool Tap the the funeral director on the arm and get a copy of the fucking death certificate

And send it to these fucking books And that's what you want to do is send an idea of a dirt certificate of somebody dead Into a computer pool for a thousand people to fucking look at and then send to the russian And one day you got a call that your grandmother's alive and kicking And she's living in fucking the Bronx and you can't believe it. You knock on the door It's a russian dude with a fucking afro Because they stole your identity via american airlines that time when your grandmother died They got a perfect fucking pigeon now a dead one

They don't even have to go into the archives to see who died to match their age In the old days, you got to go into a fucking town and see what kids died that year and match it to yours It's a fucking you got to become harry angel from angel heart. You should you got to walk around with a dog tag To remember who the fuck you are like It's fucking crazy So what do people do you blame him? Do I blame johnny charlie for trying to save 50 fucking bucks a month by bringing me no And jolly charlie has to live like a fucking yam too

Those poor bastards that means you gotta that means you got to pack on three ounces of toothpaste Right and you can only bring one tampon Because god forbid and you can only bring one pair of socks So they go through your shit that eliminates marijuana. Maybe a vapor pen Eliminates all that shit. Yeah, but you get through you get off the plane and you go right to your fucking uber Yeah, I can't I can't be mad at you for doing that. Right. Right. Right. Yeah, that's true. That's true Like I uh, but it is interesting like how much Money, you know, we thought like that don't like they charge you for it's the shittiest Wi-Fi on earth

And it's like eight dollars for like you're on the plane for an hour Like why am I gonna spend eight dollars just so I can check two emails? You know, why would it but people do it because they got business people who get to get business people who think they Yeah, it's yeah, I'm like fucking. I'll wait till I land, you know, I'll wait There's nothing I can do up in a plane. Anyway, you know what I mean So I'll wait till I land and then I'll just check all the emails at once, you know, like What what could I do up in a you know, I was paying for the Wi-Fi for about a year Yeah, I would go up and get go go whatever sure. Yep go go take my money

But you know what for what I was doing guys. It was the perfect deal It was nine ninety five for three hours. I'm on this plane for fucking five and a half Right first off I got a light pod that's kicking right. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah a light pod that's got grand funk railroad You're good. I'm good. I'm good for Yeah, I got I got all the brothers on there. I got the cars on there I got zeppelin on there. I got everything that you would not That at times you look out at your house and be selfish with your time I really want to pretend there's two

But I just don't have the time right right right. I'm on a plane headed to new york I got nothing but time I ate six of these stars. I got the vapor pen. I got a zadex I'm on fire jack. You understand me I'm living like a doctor. They gave me a mojito when you fly jet blue mint to give you a mint mojito What and then you tell lady bring me another one. You hope she's black And you tell her that you think you hope she's black and you tell listen you look at her straight and you want me to take some After this flight, I'm gonna go home and I'm taking Beyonce's posted down It's you baby. It's nothing but you I don't give a fuck if she looks like a mule. You tell her that

It's all over the rest of the flight. Everything's everything's fucking on the young You live in like benny without the jet Fuck yeah I've had tremendous times on those flights man. Yeah That's what I do. I just load up music. I get I I don't say two words. No, I sat next to charles broccoli That's the first time I said anything to anybody in years was about a year ago Wow, he just happened to get on the end. Yeah right next to me. Good dude I didn't say nothing for about it now

Right, right, right and then he said something to me like do you mind if I got no no go ahead and then he sat down and he goes How you doing? Good man like abroad was a fan of the sexes. I went to school down there. I love julia serving was my idol We talked about julia sir. Oh, wow talked about him being in houston Wow And then that was it. He hasn't said I kept the light with him. Yeah, but I was on a roll for a while He has my favorite sports quote over Did you read the book about the dream team? No says, you know when they put together

You know and for the olympics, right and the opening of the book The author he wrote he wrote sports illustrated and he was the only guy who got to follow him, right? So he talks about like how competitive jordan was how he fucking like dude They were playing ping pong in the olympic room and christian leitner beat jordan and ping pong and jordan like flipped the table And through the padlock he was ready to kill him because he lost at fucking ping pong to leitner He didn't like losing and they but barkley had the best quote. It was it was It just it just it was before the us was going to play angola in the olympic games and barkley said I don't know nothing about angola, but they're in some trouble

No, we won by like 60 points. Sometimes you watch those games. You know why you playing these poor people These people you know what i'm saying? They think they're playing division They're running into a wall dunking on them and shit Lighten them up for 40 It's like man. Come on. Let's just when I was a kid, right? I went to mckinley And that they broke up the town into seven teams So uptown was robin fulton. Okay, I can I

And an Al Klein from guttenberg But they had harris man a and harris man b So that made up for four teams uptown nice So harris man a was eighth grade sure first man b was seventh grade. Okay, and they always got beat up by everybody In downtown it was mckinley Lincoln Franklin and kennedy. Okay, the greatest basketball players in our town always came from kennedy School like the one guy led the county. Oh, wow. He leads the county. Sure went to seat hall

Led the nation in scoring a seat a year out of seat and all the kid could shoot He was just six foot one italian and he took the he took them two years to do the four four to do the four But I remember being at the high school Tommy Heinz and being there to watch. Oh, sure. That's whose record. He broke Tommy. Wow So he was there one night. Damn. I saw a fucking digger phelps at hashways When they were recruiting him, they were recruiting him deep. They brought all the big guns to get this kid, huh? So this kennedy school

Wow, this kennedy school had a coach named mr. Rougar. Okay And wow, this is eighth grade coaching. Okay Now guys, this is 19 Seventy five. Okay. I'm in the seventh grade. I'm playing McKinley school. I'm not even I'm not starting. I'm not doing anything I just went to the practices to get beat up I was back when the nicks were great too. weren't they back then? I have no fucking idea I was I was listening to I don't even know you didn't you care about sports? No, I did but I had no memory for right

Right. I'm sitting in this fucking classroom and the coaches were just regular guys like it was like It would be like guys from the projects, right? I got a city job in from north bergen and they paid him for eight weeks to coach these guys And we had a guy that would just come and slam dunk the whole time Just slam dunk the seventh grade. He was terrible Then we had somebody else who quit and then we had a guy who hated fucking. He was a nazi Yeah, this is a true story. You're a coach. This is a true story. Okay, so my eighth grade year I worked my ass off

Was he good at basketball? Yes, and what happened was the fucking guy who was crazy Hired this guy's an assistant the nazi the nazi but the nazi would always say spick and nigger And all this shit, right? What he would say to us like The guy who hired him told him to tame it down Okay, just a little bit. I don't know if you guys know this. I have a joke That one night I thought about this like four in the morning and this came to my mind

I'm gonna drop some heavy knowledge on you motherfuckers. Okay, even though my niece is in the room She's heard all the stories and if she hasn't heard this one She's had now this is the niece that in 1984 when she was a baby My uncle her brother my her elder uncle used to hide his coke under her crib while she was sleeping So I'd have to tiptoe into her room pick her up and take the coke out from under the crib You know upstairs take a chunk out and put it back like I take a feed you learn how to be a parent She's been there holding babies. She's been my backbone for years and she never ratted me out. You know what I'm saying? She's solid you learn how to hold a baby to get that coke

No, I would have to rock her to sleep. It was like no it was a crib and it had like a mattress But under the mattress was a Piece of reinforced wood. Okay, which meant it was particle wood glued together. It was heavy But not really. Yeah, the coke was hidden in between that and the springs There's like that spider-man spring and it was in a big fucking manila thing So I would have to pick up the thing while she was sleeping take the coke out Going downstairs take a chunk out and put it back her uncle used to work at a bakery With this dude. LaRossi. He was a party. Well, they were supposed to be up there baking all night

They'd be snorting bacon and nobody was eating this went on for years It was how that's great. It was calling them and they made the best strawberry shortcake So every sunday when you woke up steve you would bring home a strawberry shortcake. He was solid. He was devoted to the stemming Fucking tremendous. That's great What are we talking about? What are we talking about? Okay, the nazi the nazi coach. Yeah, there Okay, so we'll talk about ruga later And why these good basketball players? Don't let me forget why they came out of kennedy school. Okay

But this nazi Takes over the fucking basketball system. We're fucking tremendous this year. I got left back in the seventh grade I got left back in the seventh grade. The only thing to bring me back was to get really good at basketball I was in love with this girl. I used to let me fucking Uh, what's that when you dry hump? Yeah, fuck it. Remember how amazing that was dry? I promise she was gonna give it to me, baby Right. She reneged. She reneged and I couldn't do homework no more And I couldn't take it no more. She broke my heart. So I got left back. But anyway, that's a complete different story

I'm at this fucking seventh grade the second time and this is how I unfell in love by playing basketball Yeah, and dog. I remember one day going up to my court And it had just snowed in north bergen and a bunch of guys were coming down to play like good guys And 38th street court went up It was one of those courts that it was in north bergen. Yeah, yeah, like there was one basket loaded. Yeah So the other team didn't know this shit They're running uphill trying to shoot we're blocking this shit

And on the way down our rim was two inches low. So you're dunking in no, I couldn't dunk but I could hold on to the rim Tremendous pumps and shit anyway We put together this bad ass fucking basketball team. Give me another napkin there my brother. I'm over here bleeding to death He put together a tremendous basketball team, right? Ah, this is not good. I'm gonna have to go to hospital. Oh shit It's in my teeth All right, so That's summer, you know, I'm blocked. I'm a blossoming young man. Right as you saw the pictures

I'm a handsome little stud right stud over there. I'm a handsome motherfucker dry humping and I meet this little fucking cute girl And you know, you know, I'm a gentleman. I was scared then I was broken hearted still from the other girl who broke my heart That first heartache is a worse. Yeah, that first heartache is the one I didn't want my heart to be broken again So I played it very safe First cut is the defense. I played it very safe I played it very safe and I You know I took her out me, you know when I say take you out

We walked around the corner told each other jokes That was a date back then man, and I kissed the cheek and this one on like two times when you're in seventh grade That's a great date. I don't know what's going on. I'm playing basketball I want to be the next fucking Michael Coran out of Jersey City, New Jersey Who went out to play at North Carolina and started his freshman year Oh, yeah the NCAA finals and went off In the semi-finals against Glenn Gondrzejek and you and lv. Oh, wow 31 points. Yeah That shit a white boy out of Jersey City

Taught the brothers how to fucking play a game And then they wrote an article about him because he was raised by a single white chicken was a waitress So sport magazine wrote an article about how tough this irish woman was to raise this fucking kid And he got a scholarship was fucking baller to Hudson Catholic with this guy named john spinarkle He's an analyst now. So I spoke about this before anyway I date this girl two times, you know, she's cute. I'm cute But she went to holy rosary academy number one and number two She was like a year or two older. She was like a softball. Look at you, dude

Okay We talked on the phone, you know, she had strict parents that watched her and shit So now we're practicing on the street. We got this coach. His name was peter where We were impressed with peter where because he was six foot one. He could fucking slam it And in those days, if you could slam you all right, we're right You know what i'm saying if you could slam that's pretty bad. You're all right with me. Okay, so fucking He's slamming he takes the coaching job. He quits after three games His assistant the nazi was the nazi

Was he in the uniform? Who's now on facebook? He's in the essence and I ain't gonna release his name. He's probably still a nazi. He is a nazi He was at that charlottesville rally with the torches So the nazi shows up one day And I could now my team was filled with an array of characters My starting team was in those days was chuck mcbreen me louis anand is a k louis the nigger so

He didn't like me or louis. That's half the team he doesn't like now Who was the other fucking two guys jesus christ david rue has transferred to kennedy so they called him benedict donald The teacher so we had two other guys and jesus christ I can't remember who they are my memory. Were you a good team? We went four and three. That's bad. Shit. He came on After the like all these guys came on before The season started. Yeah, okay. Yeah came The nazi came on to prepare us

With two weeks left to go now. Guess what? He has good precision. Guess what? So the nazi comes on to coaches and he's everything's going okay. He really doesn't really know what's going on By this point, we're playing our own fucking game Well, you know, we're not we were all street guys We played every day together. We played for the last two years together So we knew each other this guy was just coming and he was coming in to make his drill and shit like this So guess what happens? I know for that. Guess who that blood was that I was swapping spit with his daughter his sister Oh, so

We're gonna start talking tighter and tighter. She shows up at a practice one day With the mother and they clap was she nazi'd up to was she? No, no, no, no, she was dating a speck How could she be not seen up? Maybe I mean she was dating a speck. I don't know my name was Nobody knew I was dating secrecy back then You know what I'm saying? I was used to dating captain girls We got to keep that shit a secret If you want a finger-banging girl from hollywood, you cannot say shit. You can't say dick

You know what I'm saying? Because her grandmother will call you. You know what I mean? I got the grandmother so We're about to fucking start the season Okay, we're about to start the season We're about a week away from starting the fucking season And what the fuck do you think oh my god? The other forward was god-arrested. So anthony balzano and the other forward was dominox bestial God-arrested. Oh, man. Oh, fuck it. They both passed both paths. Anyway, that's a completely different story

Why bring sadness into the right? I'm not gonna go kill a chicken and do some santeria tonight. Just feel like that after the show We decided to hook up on her fucking stairs one day. She lived right next to lion at a fuel Way before your time Paterson plank or whatever that street is That pass is giving that terrace and liberty whatever street turns into mckinley going straight up If I pass paterson plank, I go straight up anyway And when we were kids, there was a bunch of oil tankers then it was called lion at a fuel

They delivered fuel to you for your house fuel that's sure sure They were the first house next to lion at a fuel I go knock on a door We chit chat outside We did this two or three nights, you know It's it's november. It's gotta get nipping in the air You gotta have a little sweater on a little warm up a little bit One night we stuck down a little closer because now we gain trust. We didn't go out to like animals

And we just went out there to talk and the mother would come out every 10 minutes in check And the father would come out and go everything. Okay, and we'd be out there giggling and he'd go back in Well for three days, I played it like johnny cool Yeah, but then I had to go deep in the murky waters the one night I'm out there. We start swapping spit. You know I'm saying things get hot I squeeze a little titty. You know I'm saying everything's getting we're starting to breathe And I asked her to unzip her pants And she unzipped and I put my hand down there

And the next thing you know Her father came up on both of us. Shit and he told her to go inside And I just unzipped my hand out of there Held on to it because you know, I was gonna sniff that hole. You gotta kill me for me not to sniff that Get the cut it off. I'm a fuck yeah He's never in front of him. No, I walked home quick like a motherfucker sniff that shit around my cover I have like 12 minutes to preserve the d and I it was cold out there That would have been the real baller move just right in front of him

Yeah, right in front of dad to sniff it right from the next day. I went to practice The Nazi quit We got the word from fucking rommel It's over So why was that why did that school had the other school had the best players What do you mean? We told me to remind your wife. Was it Kennedy? Was that the school that had the best players? Kennedy had I saw this with my

Kennedy at one time had When I was in the sixth grade Kennedy had like this fucking These three kids that went on to win a state championship five or four years later. Shit Maddie Pekinich Callan drillo And somebody else And then after that like a year later, they did the same fucking thing these guys and then when The Kennedy was just invincible. Wow

Franklin had a kid my eighth grade year that was six foot six His name was Lear when he was a white dude from Tunnely. I have no kid. He had a little brother. They used to call him Lee Lee Leland That was the original Lee Lee Lee Lee Irwin was a good white dude. You know those white dudes with heart Heart and he had a brother that looked like a fucking model jack Wow, even back then the brother would walk into a room in the center ladies go crazy bitches were like What the fuck

So the Irwin brothers as they were called were known early on Let me tell you how tough Kennedy was they had David Ruiz. They had these two other Puerto Rican kids They had Whitey O'Donnell and somebody else The big like the season opener. Yeah was the six foot six guy against Kennedy at Kennedy Everybody predicted Frank and Franklin's forwards were gigantic. Right. They were both six foot one Dundaro and compasto His his compasto's older brother was a coach at the high school. Oh, wow

And these guys were big and tough and it wasn't they were good. It was that they were big and overpowered everybody They went into Kennedy and guess what Kennedy did They just broke Lear Irwin's leg They got a Puerto Rican kid to come up to me just go Like a little fucking John Jones to the ankle. That's how ferocious. Where they were and this was seventh grade eighth grade That was all Really regard did not fuck around even up the odds here. Listen to me Fuck around one time when I was in the sixth or seventh grade. I went to because you had two games on the Thursday

So it was all four schools played two games on the Thursday. Okay Ruga's team played first. They were up like 88 to four, right? And he was still full court pressing them in the fourth quarter like he's like run Run defense and the kids like coach were up by a thousand points. He was like Pete Rose in the all-star game. He wore a suit He wore a suit All right, he wore a fucking suit this dude and he greased his head back back in 75 In the eighth grade. He already thought he was the guy from the Miami He whatever that Riley he told me about Riley with the suit and this lick back here

And the guy was not good looking at all. He had sideburns. He had red hair He wore the vest the red shirt matching shoes. He'd be out there pray He had cocoa espinoza. This guy dusty. I mean this guy had great fucking teams, right? He he ran up the score. He didn't get that one time that it went by a hundred I got the playoffs. I guess like Horace man B The seventh grade team like throw balls at their faces. He made them run backwards with the hands up for three weeks like Because they didn't win by like that You show my blood on my teeth. Let me see. I'm closer. It's starting to get there

I'm gonna have to go to hospital. Nice. Let me see. Yeah. Yeah, it's all over your teeth, bro It's but joe especially on the inside. Yeah, it's all over god damn. My wife's gonna go Oh fucking Nuts last time this happened at bled for 24 hours. I had to get it fixed in utah. Oh Shit, I promise you lasers Fuck that dude. I'd be so scared to have a laser shoot in my mouth. It's crazy glue. You know how the kid in utah did it? He had he took like a a fucking piece of metal

And he goes it's gonna burn you but I'll heal and I'll put it right into the thing that wow Wow, shit, do I have like a 24-hour dental place you go to? Open that door for your uncle, please damn Yeah, that was fucked up guys So they just literally like well, how do we cover this six six kid? I know we'll break his leg They just broke this fucking way. We don't have to cover him now They didn't give a fuck. They remember the waiting all day in anticipation

And you went to Lincoln school, right? Lincoln school was the worst They took those kids to the games and chains. They were all on probation Look like you're fucking ball around their ankles They were they got from cool hand lukas watching them. They got from cool hand lukas got the rifle for years Lincoln would show up because the third floor Lincoln was known for being retarded kids Or the basement one of those the basement was all the retards if any of you were Even if you were straight and you went to Lincoln people looked at you

When you go to school Lincoln? I don't know. All right. There was a nice meeting I guess I don't need to write home Yeah, if you were from Lincoln people looked at you weird that's fucking great Like because after they told you I go to Lincoln it took about two days and you finally go Can I ask you a personal question? Are you up on the third floor and then they go? No, I'm not in the fucking basement. I'm in the regular school program Oh, but half the kids were on probation. They would take them. I remember one time we played them In the eighth grade and they had like fernie

Rago, but I remember fernie did something during the week And he had a let me get a peep paper towel. He had a black eye And I'll never forget feeling so intimidated I had never played against somebody with a black eye before Even the whole thing you don't know me I never played against somebody with a black eye my whole life That's scary when you're a kid, dude, right when you see we just like somebody just like all wounded just walking around doing Like what the fuck?

Even if it's a black eye when you're a kid. That's like, ah, that's shit. Okay. This guy's for real What is this really all dice, I guess Did you put in a bag? Yeah, put it in a bag. But I guess I got freezer burn You're a genius There you go Oh, no, let's see you got to give it a shot You gotta try everything if this thing is better than going home and my wife telling me To go to the fucking hospital. I'll shoot she'll make you go

after the last time I stayed up all night believe we got up in the middle of the night this ski mask The sleep at me With blood. Oh, she was livid. I was putting makeup on it. I knew there was something like the guy at the end of Mad Max I knew there was something you could put on it Look at this, this is Italian ice. Oh, I'm sitting there fucking bleeding Cuban ice Yeah, I'm sitting there fucking bleeding. I know there's something I put, uh, toe, uh paint Nail polish

I knew there was some chemical that seal that shit Stop putting chemicals in your body at this point Lee. What difference do you might need to move out here and just like Be like his medical assistant. She's not in the medical field. Yeah, but the stuff was like easily Like what happened? Did you just bite your tongue? Yeah, I was talking to shit to you guys A piece of gum in my mind. I stopped showing a nicotine gum That shit fucked me up So what were we talking about here? We had a good conversation. It was going great, man. It's basketball. That's good basketball I love I love that her school had all the degenerates. Oh my god. It's amazing. Oh my god

And they played here's the catch if you went to Lincoln school You also played for our Lady of Libra if you were Catholic Oh, wow. Okay. So if you were Catholic, you could play for our Lady of Libra If you were Jewish, you can't listen You gotta wait for the 13 year old This isn't this is a Jewish league. This is the the uh, what is it called? Fuck the Harlem Globetrotters I still got it

JCC Yeah, that was and here's the beauty of it. Here's a really My niece and I both know we come from a fucked up town. We laugh And it's tough to tell the world is because at every level it makes you laugh The guy that was in charge of the league his name was mr. Capetara The commissioner the commissioner league's name was Michigan mr. Capetara He made the schedules and he was also the referee Everybody had everybody was had two referees

North Bergen only had one that one guy and we played at McKinley didn't have a gym Let's hope he doesn't need you not have a gym till 1978 Jesus until the parents demanded like what happened to the money for the gym from the tiny Somebody robbed the money from the gym There was a little league field on 19 on 76th street That had signs up when I was in grammar school Coming soon little league field. It took 10 years. Everybody kept saying where's the where's the little league field money? Somebody stole it. Everything was getting stolen. Did they keep the same sign for the whole 10 years?

It was hysterical coming soon And then they would flip it around for a different view coming soon It was fucking hilarious I I swear I wish I was lying to you when I first went to McKinley from the sixth grade to the eighth grade It included the seventh grade twice. Yeah, that means I did four years at McKinley never had a player the eighth grade Was when they finally built the gym Until then you had a shovel snow in the winter

Like when it snowed who didn't shovel those steps up to McKinley next time you're north bergen Fuck and put McKinley in there and look at the front of that and look up those steps If you lived on the other side of those steps Or you had to get now. Here's the beauty of it in those days They didn't have cops what they did was they gave kids like that one of the cops in the future They gave them a badge with like a white thing And there was a captain There was an assistant captain and like a lieutenant all three of them were fucking them almost right they get fucked with

By the other guy. Oh my god, but in our school in our school. Not only was there veni negli Not only was there veni warhead That was uptown downtown. We have veni negli got arrested. So but I got every right to say these things I got every right because I grew up with veni negli at downtown veni negli was the crossing guard But he was the catch. What did he do to you? I like veni negli But he's what he did to me that you could either walk up the stairs like the regular fucking moron Or down the block you could fucking jaywalk and cut us through the side of the building right eliminate the steps He would blow the whistle at you and then right you up

So I used to go at him for years like fuck you veni suck my dick veni and shit And then me and veni became goombas Veni was just a geek that he was just trying to overpower you right and then we had to pay him You get to know him. He's cool. Yeah, we got cool and then one day in the eighth grade Veni was doing construction work in his backyard and the lights were out And he jumped off the patio deck and there's a piece of rhubarb went through his neck So he lived and after that he made it. He made it. They called him swivel neck It was fucking horrible and he too became a fireman and then he died during the fire guy rested

So I'm not goofing. That's amazing that he survived that from the seventh grade. That's crazy. He survived that. Holy shit damn We're dropping some knowledge to that. I'm loving it. I'm loving it. This is what I'm talking about and shit If I can play him through pain, I'm bleeding to death fucking Jordan when he had the flu still putting up 50. Look at you Look, it's right there, right? Let me see it. It looks like it's kind of scabbing a little bit already Looks like it's scabbing a little bit. I think all right Then it looks like it's scabbing just a bit. I can't really tell from here. I'm sorry I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm not gonna go. I just don't want to go to the hospital

I'm not gonna have to go and hide it from my wife I'm telling you I'm gonna go to 7-Eleven Stop going and say hello to Kelly. That's not where you go to get medicine Actually, I'll put a little you're gonna put a little q-tip. We're gonna dry it with a q-tip real quick Don't eat there with a gauze with a gauze. You're gonna put two fingers on it with a gauze Little back alley surgery you can plow like I like like this Uh-huh, uh-huh

You gotta take your attention. This is what you're doing in a little bit. You're gonna take it over and then you gotta put crazy glue Right on the tip Oh, man, let me see it. It looks like there's a little film of skin that's coming over it a little bit So I think you might so we we crazy glue it And then we uh, I think the ice is just what you need many ice seems to be doing the job I'm Bro, I'm sitting in the fucking emergency care in Utah and all of a sudden it comes to me. I go, you know, who knows the answer to this Answers to the questions to the brothers in the street schools and the prisons

History used to be a mystery. I said real history We're gonna work it out some day till we all get paid the right way in full no bull talking No walking driving arriving and styling Are you fucking kidding me or what? Yeah, we might have to close up with that tonight. That's an old school for these motherfuckers Sounds good, man I call john mccarthy. Yeah from the ufc And I go big john while i'm waiting to go into emergency care After going to this piece of shit hospital twice and they'd bill me 368 dollars for bullshit and gave me a blood pressure pill

And said to me your blood pressure has to go down. You gotta wait another hour. I waited at that hospital bleeding This was nothing Shit, this was nothing that night guys when I was going through it was coming out of my mouth Fuck tip of my tongue had been bitten off Oh, maybe it's like the wreath that maybe it's just scarring over or something. Oh Like it seems like it's in the same area. Damn I went in the afternoon. They sent me home I

Fucking went home. I went to bed. I could feel the blood collagulating. Oh, yeah My fucking teeth. I went back to the hospital middle night. These motherfuckers made me wait there for three hours I come home. I tell my wife forget about I go to bed again. I wake up this blood everywhere I take a shower What am I gonna do cancel the weekend in utah? Fuck that shit. I got on the plane. I fucking shut my mouth when I went through csa And held on to the blood like fucking blade Like blade after he went into that white disco his shit

He's you know, this reminds me of my dad my mom's boyfriend, right? Who was like my dad? He uh, he saw the pistols the one time they came to america He saw him in fort worth texas, right? And he said and I thought it was full of shit But I read a magazine later that said it really happened Fucking Sid Vicious is on stage and these these because he's red necks don't want to see this shit, right? So they're throwing bottles at him one of the bottles cracks Sid Vicious and on the side of his cheek, right? And so while he's playing he's just holding out his mouth

So all the blood from his cheek pours into his mouth and he just starts spitting it at everybody think right? And then my my dad was like it was even crazier where there was he's three chicks in the front Who are trying to catch his blood in their mouths? And I thought he was full of shit and then I read a magazine about the sex pistols only us tour And their road managers like the craziest night was in fort worth Sid got cut and he's spitting his blood and these three chicks are trying to catch it in their mouth That's a nice story. That's fucking crazy. He's telling it to you crazy My dad waited till my birthday to tell me

That's a good story, talk suck. The first communion. He told me that at the first communion. God dammit I gotta go home and pray my wife is sleeping. Yeah I Would you stop we got a crazy close. We're gonna do sir. Sure. Okay. Yeah Get a new gig I'm gonna call the boss and see if she can write up a contract to make sure I don't get liable if you Fucking get whatever from that fucking crazy right there right before I was only going to fucking That doctor's office like a big John. I'm in a bind

I bit my tongue and I can't stop bleeding. What do I do? You just get some crazy glue I go you sure it works. You got some guy cut himself one time and his tongue was hanging Fuck you fixed it. Are you fixed it? That's how you fix shit, man crazy glue works for everything That's old school Puerto Rican shit. They take the bullet out. They just put the meat together They put a little crazy glue on this shit. Can I at least google this or is this gonna just be where we're just gonna go and See what happens. We're gonna take a chance. Come on. Let's go We'll just leave it. We won't use native day Indigenous day

I could just burn your tongue with a lighter if you want I wouldn't do that right away right away. You want to reverse the charges? You know say it right away. You want to insult me reverse the fucking charges. It would probably work How's been the response been from the netflix knock on woods been fine It's been getting people from other countries and shits crazy just having like international people being like hey I saw your specials. I was up in Chicago with the improv there a couple of weeks ago And it was the first time we're like it was kind of cool like people Were there because they saw the special wasn't you know wasn't like packed

But you know what I mean? It was a good they did good numbers and they were at a club was happy and a lot of people Like hey, we actually saw the special. We wanted to come see you live. It was nice, you know So hope it you know, it's gonna be on there for a minute So please get a chance if you get a chance check it out It's called the gentleman Jerry Rocha and uh Gabriel produced it You know man the best thing about the job I have now or what my job has become is to sit back The same way you sit back and when you've seen me grow over the oh man. Yeah, I've sat back and watched you grow I saw you

Move out of here and move back with some broad help then you know daddy and something you had domestic violence He was beaten up She chased you all the way to new york She wouldn't let you watch She wouldn't watch let you watch narcos I'd never tell you what happened the night I take my special. This is fucking weird Yeah, did you show up? No, no, you're the only person who would appreciate this because all my friends this they're very cell

We don't believe in any that's right. So we taped it in upstate, right at uh The nyak the the levity life club their Gabe ran it out whatever and I thought about the Stefano I thought man, I wonder if that'd be cool if I could some kind of a sign for Mikey, you know what I mean and uh And it's nothing right so I didn't have time to just get ready for the special we're taped We just had one it was literally one shot we that was it with the 10 o'clock show That's when we're taping and that's my opportunity And so I was just kind of getting ready getting ready and ready and we're walking over to go shoot and his brother Joe just walks right into the club like two hours late and he looks just like Mike

Have you ever seen Joe's older brother? Look, it was amazing. I thought it's like it was great Like if that was such a Fucking kicking the ass to just get out there and do a good job. You know what I mean? It was nice But it was really weird just strange man. It's strange how that shit kind of happens You know and those Those friends that you just are they're more than friends are just family and there's always that connection There's always going to be something it was interesting. Do you believe that we have a connection? Absolutely to the other side that you believe that once we're dead we're dead. No way people say is bullshit

I don't have you ever thought about that. I hope it's not bullshit. I hope it's not bullshit I mean, I'm not that religious right, but I hope that it's not that bull. I hope that there's something Why do you hope it's bullshit? I hope it's not. I hope there is something I hope you do You know, I hope you still have a connection because I mean there's no Dude, Joe like okay you and I I feel closer to you than most of my family members, right? Like it's just So Yeah, I just why would you want why would you want to never see that person again? You know what I mean?

Like it would be nice if when it's all over you at least get to go say hi to them You know before they put you on a bus to come back and be a worm or some shit like that, you know Like I hope you know what I mean like it would be nice But yeah, that's why I kind of have that, you know, I don't know. Yeah, I think about it sometimes It'll be great if that word. I mean, I don't think you don't I don't know obviously nobody knows right because it just Keeps, you know, like no one's you can't know and it's just it's yeah, but I mean that would be I would that would suck If I don't I don't necessarily think there's like an actual like legit heaven or hell Right, right, but it'd be nice if it'd be nice if like but maybe it's just

Like because your friends and family talk about you. That's right your spirit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I mean, I think there's something to that. I think there is something to that, you know, and my dad will die when I was three And for years when we lived in New York City I used to tell my mom I used to see something in the kitchen at night, right? right And my mom would say what is he wearing and I forget what the fucking story I told him, you know And then as I got older, I always thought he would pop up When I was a kid tell him don't have a novella on there

Yeah About a family that was rich and shit and the mother would talk bad about the father And the father was dead. So they made some type of robot that lived until they come to it was the fucking creepiest Power line. It was only out for maybe two seasons, right? I would go somewhere and watch that night. My mom wouldn't watch that shit But somewhere I would go like to a friend's next door. Yeah, sure Manhattan They watched that creepy programming So for years, I always thought

Maybe my dad will pop up and give me fucking advice and shit like that I think that they work in different ways. Absolutely. It's never how you want it to be. I've always believed that There's something out there that we have not predecessors. We have Ancestors ancestors that are out there I think when you go up there, they judge you and they decide whether you come back and haunt us. Yeah Whether you come back and watch over us, you know, there's got to be something there's got to be That's you know, that's what I believe and I and I have no problem believing it You know cynical you can make fun of me all you want. I don't give a shit

There's got to be I'm with you. There has to be some kind of something. Hey, listen. I came from a belief I there was a couple nights I saw like people who would fucking get together and they drink a little fucking whatever like a aguardiente Yeah Well, you know, yeah, I mean growing up in morado all my family course and they would fucking see spirits Yeah, how will they be speaking in tongues? Right And they'd be like eight people in the room and they'd tell you about your future

And I was six or seven. I'd be giggling under my breath. Oh, right Right, like what the fuck are these people doing? Right? And then 10 minutes later something else would happen, you know I always believe there's something what I can't put my finger. I'm with you. Yeah, I don't know what it is. Yeah I've always said Like we talking about Anthony and Dominic special, you know, we won we were four and three we were fucking tired and fuck Me and that kid Anthony did everything together We were still playing ball like after the league was over like we still played ball every day on 38th street park

We were playing against kids that were older than us to get ready to try out for freshman year Our hopes where we both started freshman year, which we had no chance, right I was Cuban. He was Italian I was slow. He was slower That's funny. And one night he went home to dinner dog I go home and the next morning they tell me got to a car accident Ah, he's in a coma and he's done before the eighth grade year is over And then we go to high school

My mom dies and not even a year later is Dominic special kid Right, it's thc crystal. No goes out the lake a pack on or one of those places out there jumps in the fucking water He paralyzes when he hits the water and he dies So To react two out of the five of those fucking dudes. Yeah me and jucky And the last thing I say was that McKinley Lou Hernandez were alive. It's very interesting. Wow You think about that shit for the rest of your life that

Organized sports you play it as a child. I think it's so fucking important until they again For you to have organized fucking like a north bergen is it expensive to have your kid? No, it's free No, it's like 30 35 30 35 hours I always walk by all these fucking shit over here down the corner here is the ymca. Yeah, plus across the street. Yeah, no whole Uh recreation center. Oh, right right right there right where the library is you think it's something else to have a little daycare for low-end Families to have a little library in there to have a basketball league in there to have a pool They have a lot to have an outdoor pool right you talking about that park on my oh, yes, you're absolutely right

They are an outdoor pool. No, no on the way to magnolia Between right there and magnolia. Yeah, if you go on Oh, yeah, yeah, right. I don't there's a little civic youth center. Yeah. Yeah. There's a pool the pool is fucking freezing Even like last week when it was calling said you still jump into it. Go What the fuck? You see kids go in there and go get me though. Hey, yeah, there's like little fish living on the bottom

It is crazy that place, but you know what they do paperwork there You know what I'm gonna tell you what it is Kelly remember when fucking jemma Goes and says goodbye to the kid at the end before they shoot her before she goes into the Before and she goes into the garden Before she leaves she goes To a park and the guy's wife is there that killed himself from nirvana Oh, wow, and she walks back there and she goes and whatever able able

She goes come in she gives able a ring That's the park one and I'll never forget shooting walking by there And going wouldn't it be funny if they were shooting sons of anarchy there until right? That looks like sons of anarchy. I didn't say sure I just kept going And on the way back they were shooting across the street by the church And I went home and that was it and fucking six months later. I'm watching sons of anarchy And there they are at the fucking park. That's crazy And I go that's what they were doing and they show the next scene

And she's at the church calling jimmy smiths And then they show another scene And that's a complete different situation. Right. It's right there. I mean all those scenes are right there I think that's where p.b. Herman wrote his bike around in the park. Was that big park over there? Yeah, I think it was let me tell you something that park right there now After this after the pool There's tennis rack tennis now back there where they play There's a little hidden agenda

in between that place In the library Between that between the tennis and the library. Yes. Yeah. There's like a hundred yards of death. Yeah Nobody knows about right That you got to be careful like if you go back there with your kid as a woman. Oh, no way you better be careful Yeah, I know what you're talking about. You better see what time you go back there and you better make sure Because there's a little encampment of homeless guys. Yep. I know exactly what we're talking about You got to be very careful there

And they see you by yourself with your kid And they come over and lurk and try to play with your kid. You got to tell me Let's take a hike else. You see oh Touching my kid with your filthy fucking rubby hands and shit But there's a black dude who lives back there who's dynamite. Yeah There's a black dude back that I've been giving cash He's got a lot of glass and stuff. In fact, I put a bag together this the next time. Oh, that's nice, man He's a big dude. Yeah, he's had that same clothes on for six months through fucking heat

No, he's like the that's what he looks like. He's got the road warrior. Yeah the real outfit I'm surprised some fucking white dude from Los Feliz hasn't found that I'll drop 300 on you for that outfit Like you broke it down perfectly the holes are in the right spot the dirt's in the right place The exact zipper is broken that we need There's blood on the perfect location. We got this black dude is a sweet art But you could smell him and I wish I was lying to you you could smell him four feet

Oh, man. Yeah I think I'm actually the guys who know who you're talking about because I go walk past that park every morning Yeah, you but he's always dressed up thick. Yeah scarf. Yeah, he's got hair with little leaves in it Yeah, every time I see him I try to throw him a fin. Sure, man. Yeah three dollars. Yeah It's gonna we're gonna have to get some crazy good people. There's some 24 hour dentist around here We ain't going up. Do you know what a dentist gonna tell me Lee? They're gonna fix your fucking tongue. No, they're gonna want to give me stitches. Oh, yeah, are you fucking crazy? Have you lost your so do the laser?

What laser? There's a laser at the dentist. I promise you There ain't no fucking they cut a piece of my tongue off expensive and that's no well, I mean he has insurance. I'm sure Listen Okay All they fucking do is they're gonna tell me to hold on 10 minutes Let me bleed like a pig and then come back and stitch me. Yeah Let me tell you what stitching is gonna do to me. Okay Okay, let me just explain to you how this process works. We fix your entire problem

Look at me Cracking funnies like he fucking, you know, let me explain to you what's gonna happen Number one i'm gonna sit there I'm gonna walk into my blood pressure gonna be 220 So they're gonna make you sit and wait They're gonna torment my fucking life. Okay They're gonna torment my life while i'm there. How come your blood pressure is 240? What have you been doing all day? Well for starters, I hate your fucking guts

Because my blood pressure was fine before I walked in She was tipped top of goop. I went to the doctor three o'clock. It was 156 over 80 when I walked in right and he goes It's a bit high. Go give me 10 minutes Talking to the lady in spanish. She went back. It was one fucking 40. Right. All right. I'm fine But when I gotta go down there and all I'm thinking about is you're gonna sell me on stitches I know what it ready. You're gonna sell me on stitches Let me tell you what stitches and tails and uncle joey's life right now I'll tell you so you don't get confused. Please do I gotta put my tongue

I'm like a little piece of wood. Okay. Oh gosh. You don't think I want to put my little tongue on this. I'm like a little monkey I'm sure he's gonna listen to a volunteer monkey if if like fucking somebody went down and put that monkey And I can rest it on there fucking that's okay. I'll do stitches then they have to shoot a needle Into that place. We yeah, so it's you don't have to look at it. It doesn't hurt that no No, you don't have to look at it. My eyes are just looking straight up. Okay, close your eyes. No. Yeah, just like that Just like that. I'm not don't look at it. No. No. What am I looking at? What am I guys? I hope I was woody What's the deal? I need those two? I need those two. I put your eyes in listen to me. I go to acupuncture I work on my free it

Needles in your back is one thing on your tongue. No fucking way a needle in your foot. That's another thing on your tongue A needle in my tongue is like that black dude eating the chicken wing at fucking 7-eleven What you need to go it would set them back 2000 years Have you ever been on the 101 and got off on van eyes boulevard? Yeah, and you get ices waiting for you No, they find out you're a dreamer and there you are you did paperwork for no reason No, they have that's what's gonna happen. They have a sign for a dentist who Knocks you out and puts you to sleep when he does the dentistry work. So I think maybe maybe just do that until he sees me

Okay, that thing looks like a cherry wasp About life, let me teach you about life. Okay Just like the zipline Okay, they trick you link they trick you at the dentist they trick you at the dentist Okay, you go in there the guy takes one looking he goes. Yeah, I can put you out If you're built like fucking joe atlas You have high blood pressure. You have sleep apnea lisa and I can't put you out stay away from this shit Yeah, you go. No, no, no if I put you out

You could die. Yeah You could die fuck Okay, you have to you have to stay away. Well, then I guess you have to go for the the note came then No, no, so the guy always has a 50 50 chance for you. You know why? Because you came in the door Even yo, you were fearful You're gonna walk in there. It's like that remember a long time ago

You told me about the trip to hawaii from the corners, right? Yeah, they were spinning around sign Free trips to hawaii pay for taxes nine nine dollars And I asked you what that was. What was it? uh, it's uh timeshare scam timeshare scam, okay You think some of these avatars will put you out in over cane. There'll be a thousand people in there every day Just You don't want to get pulled out

You're fucking kidding me. You know what a great feeling that is What you are that's that's called You ever go on the page? You know, I gotta teach this kid something every day. You ever go on the fucking newspaper and you see You're looking for that for a Honda Accord, right? And also you see one that says Honda Accord Blue on blue zero mileage 69 95 a month By the time you get there. Oh my god, it's been sold that

That car never existed. You know, we do have Yeah, but you know, we do have I tell you what you know what you like. I bet you're like this is 69 95 It's close. Yeah, and you get a little more come on Let me make you the deal. Yep. And next thing you went down there and guess what you're paying 1009 95 They fuck you ran into a Jew with Vaseline on his finger Okay, Lee you fucking learned something you see how they get you it's a price leader So when guys like you when I walk in there, they go Come on guy

You pass out. We gotta get a professionalist to the honor just in here You know, we just can't show up here with a Puerto Rican with a With a with a with a Filipino with a fake paperwork We gotta show up with somebody white who knows what they're doing Even though the last 200 stages. Yeah, I was just I have or Asian. They're tremendous. I'm still alive. There you go. Fuck yeah How you doing, Lee? What's going on? I'm doing all right. I'm just I don't want you to put crazy glue on your tongue Check it out. Google it. It's concerned crazy glue on tongue. What?

It does work There you go crazy glue on toxic. There you go. Lee. Who the fuck do you think you do? Should we just go to the dentist? Why would I want to spend $2,000? $2 on a bottle of crazy glue. We're typing you. Let me ask you something. What type of Jew are you? I'm gonna save your life come over here and pay me $4.99 Or go to a fucking vet sit there three hours of your time and get screwed for 1200 plus your fucking whatever What would you do? What kind of Jew are you pick a and b give me a $5 option. I don't want to put crazy glue on my tongue Why not?

Save save you save you $1,100 $1,100 I can give any warhead to put And it'll work you just put a little patch and you make sure It just costs you one warhead one warhead. It's all it's gonna cost Oh, yeah, this this person has the same problem you have Let's see here He's asking the internet if it's okay to put super glue on your tongue

It is I think I think you might be okay What does it say my brother? Lee was so upset This shouldn't be okay. This is like reinforcing bad behavior It's called american engineer with you. There you go. Okay. Yeah. Yeah Americans getting fucking sick of getting fucking screwed in the air You have good insurance. You pay for what goodness. It's always they always get you some co-pay some bulls Yeah, there's always a buy. Listen Lee. I want you to learn something

You avoid ambulances doctors Listen to me don't matter. I always want you lesson number one avoid hospitals at all costs Every time you walk into a hospital, I take a picture here I do and it goes to the ci and they go look at this week. Fuck every two weeks. He's in there He went to the vagus. He's totally gotta fucking He totally gotta fucking balloon He came back a week later with ringworm. He caught the tub out of they'd be a beast He came back a week later to swollen eyes

Caught the tub But every time you go to the hospital, they write that shit down though Knock it off with that shit. That's how I go to the clinic at the cvs. There's some shit you can take care of on your own That's like this You know, why because it works. It's effective You got to go into sit in emergency room. You know what that's like for a guy. I can't lie to anybody I'm gonna be as honest. I can with you over the years. It's taking me It's taking me close to 10 years to work on this needle phobia. I had shit

her mother One night I was in we did we did a bunch of fucking coke. It was the night where Oh my god. It was the night where you they tell you like, uh, jerry roker most likely to succeed Oh, you should the honors night. It was I had dropped out of school The october before I got fired from the job I took I'm just running with these saps. Sure in the daytime. I had like some part-time job I milked unemployment on those days you can milk unemployment for a year and a half Of extension and extension and extension and those days all you have to do every friday is hop on the bus

So on 48th street across the street walk stand on line for about 45 minutes Maybe get to the front. They give you an envelope with cash in it You signed off and then you handed them a piece of paper With where you went the last two weeks looking for a job. That's great And then you took that little money you walked out you made it right up the hill to a place called geno's Which was burger king and kentucky fried chicken put together Nobody knows that shit. Nobody drops it on you like uncle joey. You know what I'm saying? And then from there you got on the corner you crossed the street again and you went to america's favorite headshot

East west and you went to east west and you wanted to stop banging that fucking bottle You went to the back of east west And there was a section of albums Oh, shit of anybody who had played in the city The week before Now me this wasn't Underworld ink and pirates of the carabine This was guys lee that were going into every single event. You remember the book you gave me

About music in new york's love goes to buildings on fire. So good And this was they described what new york city did in one week In the mid 70s to like the mid 80s Like on a monday night. It was like one night. I saw prince on a tuesday Like when you were a year old 84. I saw prince on a tuesday. He announced to the six o'clock He had the hottest album in america hottest movie in america And one night at six o'clock we're at lebrano's house lifting weights

Thinking about going to the city and getting like a bag of wief rifa And they go tonight at the rich 15 dollars prince him shila e And nucleus morse day. So guys like you guys that were on the nerdy side. Oh, yeah already were 10 years ahead They had the you know, you're still the tape recorder. They just boo like everything was this big. Yeah, they wore a jacket Jesus christ, they wore a jacket and they got every show that came to town And they got every show that came to town pretty good cell quality garden the rich You know all the little clubs cbgb's So every monday you went in there every monday

They had and it was like legit companies. Wow these guys were putting them all over the city You know like again amazing these guys are probably making two dollars problem But hey guys like you and I were going to buy that shit for 10 bucks. It was four dollars Oh, I remember a brand new album in those days with seven dollars seven dollars. Yeah, I paid $7.95 for sabotage You're gonna come to me with a story And then for four bucks you get Sabbath at the garden the night before that's amazing I still remember my bonzo's birthday party It was john bonham's birthday at the garden. Wow and he celebrated at the garden. I remember I listened to him

Maybe three times lent it out I never got it back. That's awesome, man, but you could hear them drinking and the whole fucking deal Oh Yeah, that book was amazing because that he talks about how like I think it starts in around 72, right? We're at 73 So he says in that at that time if you had the subways down, right on any given night If you started like six o'clock by midnight you saw the beginning of like five different genres of music from hip hop To latin jazz to latin rock to electronica to punk

Like it was all happening every night in new york city. It's amazing Just every night from african bombada to the finia all stars to you know, the ramones like you just saw everything Dude, that was amazing. And I gotta tell you something. I was too young And naive I knew and I knew about the popular bands that were coming, right, you know, everything was on the radio So if you listen to w any w you got to low down on Pretty much All that heavy as shit. Yeah, if you listen to wabc They gave you out and john was coming to town. Sure. You know, that's what happened john would come to new york and do

Five nights at the garden every night pack sold out cops on every fucking corner Cops on horseback, you know, it's like my I'm gonna leave fighting joe frazier All right That's the way it was the first time out when that one john came and then the who came to new york I'm the who are you tour? Are you fucking kidding me? And in those days again, you didn't fucking you guys are lucky You guys complain about shit. You guys like, oh, yeah, and it's true. You guys are getting robbed

You guys got to go online Pay for a ticket pay a fee and then thank god. He's not a middleman right and those days was done very easy They announced it the night before on wanny. W. Right. They said tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. Tickets will be available for the who the clash and And frank whatever john hanson. He's the deal New york dolls each ticket is 25 dollars

We need to get the four you need to buy a block of four tickets Send the money order to p.o. Box 6480 new york city new york Wait four weeks to hear your approval. Shit. You sent your money and you waited like fucking johnny bacala And four weeks later you got your fucking you got your letter with your own check back They didn't recut your check like animals that they are today They told you thank you for sending them But let me tell you something if you took it and sent it right away Because you didn't have a check you had to wake your mother. My right. Do me a favor. My my

How long I know you No kelly before you ask no you want to borrow money. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I don't want to borrow money I need a check What are you talking about? Listen, I got 50 dollars. I'm gonna give you 50 dollars. My look I need for you to cut me a check for 100. No, no, no, no, I'm not doing that. Listen I got an idea Tomorrow morning lends that one tickets go on sale. I gotta put this in the fuck. I got no time to argue with you

You know what I'm saying? You got to write this fucking check for me If not, I'm not gonna get the sea lads out one But the smart guys like you jerry had a brilliant move You had three other nerdy fucking friends, right? So what you would do is let's pretend Pink floyd came to new york, right pink floyd tickets They went on sale because I got them that either st. Peter's prayer, but one of those fucking places I forgot I want to fucking them fucked up Let's pretend they played five nights

Okay, you got you me Kelly and lee. Yep. Lee sent in a hundred you sent in a hundred if we were lucky We'd get four out of five nights. That's amazing. But since we made a pact to go together We're gonna go together all four fucking nights. That's and that's how you beat the system, baby And you'd go see this band like I did that with judas priest Wow in the summer of 80 I wasn't a really really big priest fan, right? But they came to new york and they did something I had never heard of

They started on a monday On a hot monday in july at the palladium shit and they closed out the week on a friday. Wow I knew nothing about sets. I'm not gonna lie right right right right and tell you I knew shit But I was working on a lumberyard that I was gonna work on this place called render lumber And I never knew what I was gonna do Right till I left that right right right understand me like he could call me an eight in the morning Go join judas priest at the garden tonight. Listen. Don't bother me What time do you want to leave seven o'clock? I'll call you down

Because I would get paid on thursday, but at that place at that time I was getting paid every day Yeah, like I was just calling the guy who got me the job So listen if you take the job steal, right because if not they're gonna know I was stealing Yeah, if you stop stealing they're gonna know money that was missing. That's how I got this job on fourth Like where the fuck was it two blocks before the new meso madrid on tunley avenue, right? You've been there jerry. I already saw my story. My niece Two blocks before meso madrid

The new place on tunley avenue on 48th street down the block from that liquor store from the post office there If you go two blocks down What we talking about Randal umber randal umber and marine was there good. Good lady. Look at randal umber and marine was a dynamic place I went in there and the first time I went in there and I go. Hey, don't my name is cocoa. Pete sent me here for a job They go go upstairs richie's waiting for you. I went upstairs It's how stupid of a fucking kid I was

I Go upstairs. I asked richie answers the door. He's big dude. He sits me down. He shakes my hand good to see Do you know anything about wood? He goes like a train. Yeah, he goes, okay I'm gonna be call somebody he calls this dude named jack. He goes jack come on up jack comes up Introduces himself. Let me just tell you guys how dumb I want They go, okay, man. We're gonna give you a job You came with pretty high references and shit

Uh, I go they go when you want to start I go I'll start right fucking now. They go, okay Do us a favor go downstairs get a broom and I want you to sweep this whole area sweep my office and sweep the stairs So I go upstairs I get the fucking broom I come upstairs. I'm sweeping and guess what there's a domino box in the table You know those domino box, yeah, there's nothing else on the fucking table but a domino box I'm 16 I'm salivating from the fucking mouth everywhere I go I'm like fucking crazy glue shit was just sticking to me. Even if I didn't want to steal it

It went home with me Even if I didn't want to steal it still went home to go life found a way life And after 15 minutes I had to look what was in that domino sure And I woke up to that table and I slide that fucking box And under there is a box filled with quarters And three stacks of stacks Oh, and I take the top stack off and I rip a 20 out and I put it in my closed the box And I go downstairs and as I was going downstairs I got too late. I took the trap

He goes all right go outside and help jack about an hour later. He calls me up. He goes listen You clip the 20 out of here I almost didn't get the job. Wow And I go, yes, I did He goes, why'd you clip it? I go, I'm going to a party tonight And he goes, you know what I like, yeah, honestly Don't do it again. Then I'll keep you around like you got my word and he's like, that's great And I didn't steal for a month, but then you just couldn't fucking

Oh my god, it was like stealing that's great people would come in and go. How you doing? I go, how you doing like they would walk First of all, he was he was always out in the mornings, right, right, right, which if you're an owner of a lumberyard That's your busiest time You know, he would stroll in around nine going How the truck's going, you know the delivery guys Okay, so the first thing you did when you got there at seven in the morning like like worked in the summer Right when you walk in there at seven in the morning

There's no breakfast There was no breakfast for uncle joey I lived at the benders then and I would walk from the benders cross the street to tony am That was a greek fucking dude that sold butter rolls and shit And if you ate the virginia ham your shit blood right away The eggs looked kind of fucked up. It was next to a transmission place Everybody who ate there walked around with lumps around their neck and shit The transmission dudes walked around with lumps around their neck. They were coming for the sawdust

The point to the transmissions that's how kinky they were damn So they'd always say if your transmission goes come see me we fix it. We got you That's so I would go in there eat. I mean you're in there Lee Lee and jerry in those days. I was 16. My mother was dead These guys paid me eight bucks an hour and I would go in there in the mornings and load these trucks And it was like a workout for me. Yeah, sure. I could smell the coke and the fucking pupa fucker And the miller beer coming out of my fucking pores It was early and human and jersey

Man, I loved all that shit and once the trucks left Those were the drivers and the assistants It was me and this guy jack And there was two old guys that worked inside that were as lazy as they could Like if people would come in and go hi, we're looking for This type of glue. Yeah, they were fucking pick up the phone and buzz me like joey Looking for this glue. I'm gonna have to come in and walk you guys are 10 feet away. That's how lazy

One guy was miss transolido Did you ever go to school miss transolido? It was her father god bless his soul. She was very nice. She died It was her father joe transolido And the other guy was just this old guy gentle that was an old man that would do this And he used to complain around time fucking spits come over here take a fucking job And I would just sit there and giggle the whole time. All right Jack was a great guy from we hawk in new jersey Problem with jack was jack was the first person in all of my life that I ever saw

Lose his mind when he did coke. Oh, wow. I know certain people that they draw goes This guy made them look He would go like this. He'd be talking to you And he would stay out all night on friday and not show up to work on saturday Which in richie's eyes was a no-no at that job He didn't care for what you did all week. Do me a favor show up here on saturdays or busiest days 9 10. I won't come so I need you here. He would show up at saturdays at 12 Fucking coked up and he'd be doing this shit and they would say what are you doing here? He goes i'm

I'm here to see rich. I need an advance and the guy would go richie's out of town Come on somebody's got a deck me at 20. Come on. Oh, that was the first time I saw somebody fucking creeping He got really creepy fuck man And I would go in there and I would sit there after the delivery trucks Listen to me cali. I was about 16 I was going out every night in those days all you needed was 20 bucks if you were a normal kid 20 bucks and you were a pimp You could buy a girl with six pack and shit

Right and hang out with them I was going in there at about 9 30. These dudes were coming and they go. How you doing, man? We went out front and they said you were here and I go. Yeah, I go. What do you need? They go, uh We need five sheets of four by eight half inch on paper, but we need 55 sheets off paper You got a number for us and I would have to do math right there Like the sheets were 80 bucks. Give me 40 a piece You want 50 of them fucking two thousand? I mean it was it was mind boggling And they would go would you throw in five pieces of lowlium? Give me an extra, you know 50 bucks

There was days I would walk out and there were two three thousand no I was 16 years old. I was paying 25. I wasn't even paying rent at the benders And I was taking that money and blowing it at the age of fucking 16 and two or three days dog It was all gone gone snorkeling buying albums, right? I would go into the city to the village like a big shop Man I would go into the city and fucking go to those places Those places I forget what the fucking place I used to go if I would go there I would go to places Things from england and they had every album that will get released here, right only

The albums that got released in england how it got released the importance and shit So hell bent for leather in england is really killing machine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So you could go on Online and buy killing machine for like two thousand dollars to that if I would have bought 10 of those things 30 years ago Oh, man, I would have been swimming in the door right now In the pacific Spoken months like snoop dog and shit That's great. Where are you at these next couple weeks? Uh end of september

I'm in dallas headlining the hyenas club really and the beginning of october headlining forward So you got a website now. Yeah, jerryroachiccomedy.com. Listen, man. I'm gonna see you 15 years right a little bit Yeah, probably a little bit longer. Yeah, man. Very very proud. Thank you, buddy And you kept coming up here, then you would go back. Yeah Then you would come up and work at the fucking movie theater Bookstore, no, that's in the movie theater. It's in the old movie theater in the bookstore in the old movie theater. Yep and you uh You're knocking on the door. Thanks buddy. We'll see. I appreciate it. It's really cool to see there

I mean a lot. You see the evolution of somebody but you on the other side saw You know when I started working with you you were i'm seeing that was featured Yeah, and we were in El Paso working for garbage headliners. You would blow them out of the water I'll never forget that dude. You would blow them out of the water. I was training at the comedy. Yeah, man I was training at the fucking comedy store. He would blow those dudes out of the water He would go and then and then I would do 24 remember. I had 15 minutes of heat Yeah from the comedy store, right and then I would improvise towards the end. Sure. Sure Self out of there. I remember being in El Paso thousands of times and dying on stage. Oh, yeah

Improvising on tuesday night on military. Yes. Yes But You know, that's where you learn to become a fucking comic. No question. No question. So it's still on Netflix It's yeah, it's going to be there. Hopefully for bits call what's the beginning of it Yeah, if you were gay, he gave you a break. Yeah, man. Thank you, buddy And I got fucking goosebumps. Oh, it means a lot man. I knew that kid when he was fucking living in la bomba boulevard Then you moved to austin, right? No, no, it was always always in dallas and then and then so went to new york And then you got mugged. Yeah. Yeah, I remember I still stayed for about another couple of months

And then I came back to texas and I floated between dallas and laredo Right, and then I came out here and I was with the first psycho remember jersey And then I went back to texas. Be careful because she might be listening. Yeah, I know I went back to texas I was training all the way And then I went to texas for a few months and I came back and I've been here ever since yeah It's been it's been amazing, dude. It's it's it's finally finally feels good. You know like, okay May like you said, maybe I am knocking up the door feels like you're knocking at the door That's just the way to fucking describe it man. Thanks. Well me. I'm gonna be at the ice house saturday night

730 show working out with uncle joey. It's that plane and that fucking simple. All right number two Let me talk to you people about something Today why you listen to this, you know what today starts jesus christ It looks like jackson bollock This is really terrible, but it's it's not bleeding as much now I think it's I think it's I think you might be avoiding the hospital, which is good My wife is gonna fucking go crazy. I thought you were on the crazy clue route It doesn't matter even with the crazy glue

She's gonna know sums up someone tweeted that if you do the crazy glue, you could lose your taste buds Listen, I lost my taste buds 18 fucking years ago at that chinese buffet There was a korean girl one time she was stripping at this place And a b y o b place and I was living in the halfway house. Oh, wow sure and I mean I'm it's 1988 I'm about no listen. What's today's date? Was it the six two thousand seven seven six two thousand seventeen nine nine of eighty nine Wow was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made in my life

Which is how long ago? She's 28 years 28 years ago. I'm sadly now I got married to that chick that hung out with me while I was in prison. Oh, man. She was knocked up And I married And my best man was her uncle And the wedding starts at one they're supposed to land today. He's at a wedding the night before He's supposed to land at eight o'clock in the morning. He's delayed We're at this catholic church with a bunch of white people

Sitting around waiting for something to happen and her uncle walks in Just fucked up to the kills. I hug him and ask him where's the package Where he's like give me five minutes and fucked up. I just got off a plane. It was fucking hysterical My wife and everybody in the room do what was going on The priest father tom was such a cool motherfucker. He came up to me because I know all of your buddy, but You gotta get a stand This is not good Oh, man, we got married we went to the reception

Nebraska was playing Colorado It was the biggest fucking game of the year to open up the fucking college football season My wife refused to fucking even let us walk to the back room Her uncle did not give a fuck. He ran upstairs rented a room Took a tv out some room carried it downstairs to the wedding reception Got a table played a bus boy another 50 bucks To go around the corner to the hardware store and buy an extension car that motherfucker plugged the tv in And he watched the Nebraska Colorado game. How much did he put on the game? He must have put thousands on the game

On top of that he fucking uh he fucking He fucking they're coming for you joy. They heard what he said about their wings. He fucking He had the extension. He was jacked up And he fucking watched the game the whole time boot everybody left the dance floor And went and watched the Colorado Nebraska game, you understand me. I thought it was hilarious. I got a sense of humor My wife not so happy. My wife even brought it up at divorce court Wow

It was her side of the family. Yeah, how's that on you? It was my side of the family. Oh, I thought you said I thought you said it was her uncle Yeah, it was her uncle Still like your fault. Step off my wire. God damn it that size 14 foot of yours That was fucking crazy That was fucking crazy another time he came back to visit me in Colorado We get off the plane We get fucked up in the afternoon. I went to court and got three days off of community corrections I was out of community corrections. That means they couldn't piss me. I was under the jurisdiction

The mother fucker tricked me. I told him I'd be out of town at five. He knocked on my door too Me and her uncle and another friend an alias. I can't remember me Word there fucking gacked to the gills This probation officer kept knocking dog if he were if I would open the door when I got in the prison Yes, I refused to open the door and the guy left. He kept saying we know you're in there The hell Then when I saw him three days later, he pissed me and I'm like, what are you talking about? I knew you were in there you fuck

Shit crazy shit. Jerry. Now I look at her. I still remember when I went back And I robbed the fucking jewelry store and I had to hide in the Sarasota flower that for like six weeks And I fucking went back home and she was crawling around and And I'm upstairs going down so we had a little basement apartment It was the original voodoo lounge before the road was done We had a weight We had a weightlifting room in the base We had a bar a bench that didn't incline. We had dumbbells to do bent over rows

It was a Puerto Rican gym, but it fucking worked We stole a chair and we took the seat off it You see this seat? Yeah, sure. Take the seat off this Lee And take the bottom off this if it has four legs. What does this make this chair? I want you to use your four years of creativity at emerson college All right. Say it one more time. That's a lot of information If this chair has four legs, right without the bottom

Right and I took this fucking piece of chair out and I couldn't sit here. What this would what would this make it? A dipping station, okay So we would put our feet up and do fucking dips So we all walked around with big trices We had a Puerto Rican gym if you ever saw one And then the other room we shoplifted albums from Pathmark Oh, wow We took the albums and we hung the album covers on the wall around the whole thing

From Pat Benatar The Judas Priest held bad for leather the sad wings of destiny We put carpeting in there. We put two beds down there. That was our bedroom pass. We had cable tv Plus that was our big jump because cable tv in those days Was 995 and you had everything with hbo or You can knock on the next door at neighbor. Mike Tabasco worked for hbo Cable tv and for 200 you got the time plan Plus playboy before it was even effective. You got videos direct of little boys playing handball in Thailand

Getting chased by a chubby white dudes from new york city That's what you got a linch viovac. Wow up on the pole. It was a trap And he would put the trap on it and it shouldn't cover it So you had cable for years then one day the cabin went dead And you had to call mikey t and he come over and climbed the pole and stuff Sure, but you got every channel. That's you got ping pong from new zealand and that shit That wasn't even on yet. Mother fuckers. Don't forget bitches This saturday night. I'm at the ice house

The following saturday I'm in oklahoma at the casino and then the following week two weeks later I'm at the pittsburgh impromptu one of my favorite clubs in the fucking country But anyway, I want to talk to you people about something like I said before Ever since I started the podcast with lee people always want to ask for advice on the weekends Especially gambling advice. They know that I work for a sports betting service And they know that I know little dumb fucking things about betting, you know what I'm saying?

It's not like I bet all the time, but I will give you good advice on one thing. All right I don't know who's gonna win thursday night. I don't know who's gonna win friday I don't know who's gonna win saturday. I don't know who's gonna win. But I tell you what I do now Why know who the hell win if you're gonna get beat? Right or wrong? Where it's as important where you're betting as what you're betting on So there's always that's always what I tell people to go with my bookie dot ag My bookie has been in business for years

Their rep is rock solid They do 100 cash bonuses So off that ball you're making money for doing nothing and they have the fastest payouts Seriously just two business days. You know who's gonna win right? Yeah, great. That's phenomenal Lay down some cash and win big today I would only recommend the service to my listeners that have been good to me and my friends and the people around me That's why i'm urging you to make your way to my bookie Dot ag you win and guess what they pay. It's that easy

They have an in-game live betting The most rewarding player perks in the business and an all-new mobile Site that makes wagering on the go a breeze Join now and my bookie will match your deposit Up to 100 bonus of your first deposit up to a thousand dollars Are you listening to what i'm saying to you guys? That is the deal of a century Just log on go to my bookie dot ag and use promo code church Just advocate. No advocate to activate

I'm a lot of the stone side people you know say To activate the offer, right? Visit my bookie ag today use promo code church Chu rch today you play you win you get paid. All right. You got locks. You got money to win go to my bookie dot ag Promo code church promo code church. I'm still you know, I'm still bleeding for my lip Tongue that's how tough I am. I could have tapped out of the podcast I'm still here with my main man gerry laroka My main man lisa yat the original christ killer and my beautiful niece. Fuck. You're like

You're like a freaking lamada. You couldn't get me down. You couldn't get me down It couldn't get me down as long as I could use the crazy glue You're good on a mission to 7-eleven. You understand me, but I send you like a big case now after Why is that because you're gonna be like they're like the poster boy. Yeah poster boy for there's a fuck I know for years people get stabbed in prison. What do you think they do? They put crazy You just dope a little fucking that yellow tube You're stabbed in prison together crazy for a couple weeks. You walk around with a slant

People like you're okay. I'm okay. I'm just uh I just got a little hypnotherapy. This shit. I love you motherfuckers Thank you very much for listening. Thank you very much for supporting the church. Thanks for having me, buddy Jerry la rocha like I said, I'm very very proud of you. What's your website again? Jerry rocha comedy.com I love you, mother. Love you, brother. Thank you go to his website. Check him out. He's my brother from a different mother If he comes to your town, check him out, man. This guy's deep He's been family for years and he's an entertainer. He makes me fucking laugh Thank you. He's told me one of the he has one of the best bits I've ever heard

I know he's not doing anymore, but it was always one of my all-time favorites. If you want to hear it I'll uh, no go buy us all CDs. Go fuck yourself. Have a great weekend The church my main man lisa. I at my beautiful niece kelly labrack. I love you, motherfucker. Stay black. Have a great weekend I Nobody Let you When you ask the reasons why They just tell you that you're on your own

Fill your head up full of lies Oh And you don't care if you don't see again the light of day Nobody will ever let you know When you ask the reasons why They just tell you that you're on your own Fill your head up full of lies They just tell you

Oh What can you do Life is killing you Hell Everything around you What's it coming through? God knows how your God knows What blessed all of you

Cyber, bloody cyber Nothing more to do Living just for dying Dying just for you What's it coming through? What's it coming through? What's it coming through? What's it coming through?

What's it coming through? What's it coming through? What's it coming through? What's it coming through? What's it coming through? What's it coming through? What's it coming through? What's it coming through?

What's it coming through? What's it coming through? What's it coming through?