Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #516 - Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: September 14, 2017

Ari Shaffir, Comedian whose double special, "Double Negative" is availble on Netflix NOW, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:  My Bookie - Join now and MYBookie will match your deposit with up to a 100% bonus of your first deposit up to $1,000. www.mybookie.ag   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for 10% a discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 09/12/2017.


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Oh shit, it's Wednesday cocksuckers The 13th yeah September play the guitar as I remember this video crank this motherfucker dog. Oh They were so hot. Oh shit. It's Joey Diaz with the two wise men The other one got shot Oh This guy's so cool Yeah, can't sleep. Oh shit

Is all you need Oh shit here we go Go Lee is 20 a life no parole The church of what's happened now with two of my favorite people in the world mr. Ari Shafir and mr. Siet I What the fuck are you talking about lock sleep away camp when that song came out jerking off fighting quiet moments Whenever one else is out at archery to fucking with out a jerk off to the one of those 75 74 74

She will leaven maybe what year was it 85 86 11? Okay? Yeah, and then just fucking you Filty little cocksuck at summer camp coming on people's heads and shit was hot and a lot of kids didn't know what you were doing I wasn't whacking off at that age scratching it but people were talking about sex and shit I don't know what the fuck you made you try to make believe like you know what they were saying you giggle along You know what they were saying you know saying like you giggle Suck the pussy and then you had to go home and find out what pussy was and shit As somebody fucking older than you what's going on Lee say you look a little disturbed No, my camp counselor was the first time I saw like an actual porn magazine for him

Yeah, and I took he had had a whole walker in the cabin with it and I took literally one page home had four signs I took one page home and hid under the mattress and my mom found it and I was What was on it tits? Did you get use out of it? Yeah, fuck. Yeah. It was a I remember it was like a It was like a blonde girl, but pretending to be a farmer. Oh, yeah She was a little else and she had like the red Shirt the red was it called the the flannel shirt that when it ties up. Yeah, no, but it's just a pussy out though Oh, well not and not at first. Okay. She wasn't a whore, but eventually gets to that in the spread Yeah, eventually and then later in the spreadsheet. She she showed it to you. But yeah, that was it

I don't even think I had sex on it How many times you jerk off the same picture first year of jerking off. Yeah when you came your whole body went to change Oh my god, you get hungry and shit I had a like a really soft blanket like before I even knew what porn was for a little while just like bunch up a blanket and just like Rotate on top of it. Yeah, like gyrate. Oh, yeah, exactly. Oh just shift around. Would you blow a load in your little past something? Yeah, yeah, nothing would come out but it was exciting where it comes were great It was just a little it was like a pallet gun without the pellets. It just goes it makes those noises like a silencer What the fuck for people don't know at home, especially women we're fucking

Maybe women go crazy too When we discover masturbation about 13 we discovered early But there comes a point where we just get fucking addicted to it Yeah, get hard on sitting in class looking at a chick and you got to like do like a semi Jerk off in the class. Thank God. I never wonder where you just cup your dick And the water on your little fuck no, I stopped when I was like in the eighth grade what a waste You stop what we're an underwear. Oh, what a waste. What do you mean? Where did the dress go? I didn't like it. What about your last drips? They were going to the jeans and the jeans

There was some as I take off my pants and my pants smell so fuck I remember going on a cdc constant in fact Yesterday, I'm sitting at the fucking coffee shop writing and this kid walks in And I can't see without my glasses and he walks to the counter and I look at his shirt. This is back in black 1982 and on the back at all the cities and I was sitting with I go yo, hey You do me a favor come here for a second. I go to my friend July 31st Spectrum Philadelphia August 1st New York City Palladium. I go look at the shirt

He goes you're fucking dead on like wow remember I went to that fucking concert at the Palladium That was back in black tour a cdc the second night of the tour who opened Def Leppard Wow Def Leppard with the high tour unbelievable right there at the Palladium. Wow, I heard that it's dorms now at NYU No way they made it into dorms for NYU the Palladium was like fucking an Institution yeah in the 50s and 60s That's where all the Jewish men went on the weekends to hit on the Puerto Rican trick If you looked at anything from the Palladium or what's the place that where's the Palladium?

The Palladium was on downtown somewhere if you want to look at the old Palladium But you know where else Jews hung out at remember the place where Henry Hill takes the chick. Yeah The Spanish club on on the Wuppa West side. Oh, yeah That was another big they coming from Long Island the Jews and pick up on the Puerto Rican chicks and cheat on their wives and shit And eat pork chops and shit What happens in Manhattan stays in my head east 14th between uh

Irving place and third. Oh, that's right by me. Yeah, that's where wait. That's where Webster Hall is then Is that right around there? No, he's 14th. No, no, no That Nate that place to Palladium. I saw a Judas Priest. Yeah, that's God. That is dorms now Yeah, I saw Ozzy Osbourne there. I saw James Brown there. I saw you two there I saw I think I saw Nazareth there Wow, I saw a bunch of fucking bands in there as a kid. Then they turned into club MTV Oh club MTV was a dance show on MTV that came on at three o'clock bunch of fucking kids from the city It was like soul training without the black people just a bunch of like little white kids from the fucking over west side

Dancing and doing the fucking robot and whatnot. It was crazy That was a hot little part of town, man I remember years ago like in the 80s early 80s And you know all those places where you guys live at now, but just dumps that's where you want to get everyone You know, but the hot clubs would open up there because nobody would think of going down there, you know, so all the hot clubs I went to this club down there one time on the lower east side But a few blocks away they had Italian style Chinese food. What they have Italian too. This was done. This is this is 84 This was a restaurant. I don't know the name is popular at the time

And I went there that place always had like cool little spots And so I was a kid, you know the lancy street. Do you know what that is now the lancy street? Yeah How close are you to it? I walk there. Is it still very Yiddish very Hasidic Jewish with the lancy? I feel like it's almost Chinatown is yeah, they changed it all up when I was a kid The lancy street was all uh, no, that's not really that Yiddish. Maybe it was all fucking Hasidic Jews and they sold stuff So if you wanted to get sneakers like good sneakers a good deal. Yeah, like nobody else negotiated with young converse But the lancy street they negotiated with you but the you could give them not the actual store price

Yeah, you could go and then go how about 2250 and they go fuck you 24. Everybody got and come on 23 But they had a rule that if you were the first customer of the day, they had to do business with you So that was our always our goal. We should owe the Jewish superstition. Yeah, like yeah I said he was superstition Chinese have the same thing if you walk in there first as a customer they have to do business with you It just sets the tone for the rest of the day. So I would go in there and get uh Like in those days, I would buy a jew uh, how much would you lowball them and be like five dollars? What happened was when limousines for the feet came in they were like a fucking they were like a movie theater

They were like a ticket. No, you couldn't get them anymore So jersey ran out of them. So me and my friends were hip to this Yeah, so we go to lancy street knock off two dollars Takana fin and hey When you're in the eighth grade seven dollars is seven fucking dollars huge seven dollars was a pair of coach cons Coach cons were the ones that weren't commerce not chuck taylors Then the ones of your mother didn't have the four dollars Because chuck taylors were always seven ninety nine

No, chuck taylors seven ninety nine chuck taylors were eleven ninety nine like thirty five now easy thirty five sometimes 45 If you want the good souls When I came from cuba 65 taylors were 10 95 and coach cons What are coach cons coach cons were the ones underneath? Them under less than chuck taylors less than chuck taylors. What are coach cons and they had stars on the bottom of your sneaker Underneath so instead of treads on the stars. Yeah So you had coach cons You have pf flyers and pf flyers. Yeah, and you had keds keds was the big fucking shoe

But converse was beating the fuck out of them chuck taylor was fucking people up for a year They had that song. Yeah chuck taylors were fucking people up for years. There was nothing like a pair of white chuck taylors And people now would complain about chuck taylors because they would say that there's not enough support Yeah, I have white feet. I can never have i grew up in chuck taylors. They got the better ones now with the better souls They toughened you up But you could order them online and make them however you want. Mm-hmm. Whatever color Conversal with bottom. Yeah, chuck taylors original. So those those are aren't even owned by commerce anymore I think Reebok owns it and I think nike had them before and people eventually just sell it off to someone else like

I'll buy it from you because it's always gonna make some money because everyone wants some fuck Turn on julia serving limousines for the feet. So then Everybody had pro kids commercial everyone. Everybody had chuck taylors. Yeah, everybody had chuck tayl chuck taylors There's a basketball on high school and in games and then when fucking julia serving. Yeah went over to the sixes The converse paid him They know the sixes gave him six million dollars But converse gave him like another three and they devised a shoe around him. He was the first guy that had the shoe around So this was the first shoe that came from that these shoes were sold out

The kink to these shoes were when you bought them Yeah, you opened up the box real quick because there was a pass in there For uh for what? Those things move now they do the little like, you know, yeah, right there. That's crazy 1981 shoe commercial. See if that's it You're the greatest that's no jive you're standard equipment on the b-street five as I fly through the air doing my famous slam dunk I'm flying first class and that ain't no but my shoes will be wearing the converse name Today bronze my feet for the hall of fame converse saw stars limo zines for a feat How's that for you? Oh my gosh. How's that for you? No those background guys are hilarious. Look at those now reacting

Converse history part one. Oh dr. J and and bird. Yeah click it. Oh, you want to watch out? Yeah, watch this see that's when all that should be good I had those weapons those those worthy weapons. I had those a couple that I cut up your feet though, but Yeah, those right there weapons, but I had those way, but I had those when they were There those were the ones Conversely, the two from my childhood, you know all the way through Oh, look at that. Oh Shit associated since 1974 better than 30 years and it's been happy

Happy experience. Look at that shit Every time I stop on the floor, it's important that I that I go out there and I represent, you know the history of converse In 1908 marquee converse founded the converse rubber shoe company in maulden math Look at this. What a factor winterized rubber everything in boston Moving to satisfy a growing need of the us for basketball shoes Converse created the all-star in 1917 Shortly thereafter a young man approached the company with some fresh new ideas and history would soon be made Chuck Taylor joined the company in

in 1921 and he walked into A sales office in chicago With really a set of ideas on how he thought that shoe could perform better one of them was the the famous patch Which is on the inside ankle of the shoe. He wanted to protect players ankle So that actually used to be a sewn on leather patch Well marquee converse the founder of the company was so impressed with What he'd done to improve the product and that he put chuck's name on the product in 1923 From that day on chuck sort of became the ambassador of basketball in america

You know, he's kind of a johnny apple seed of basketball Other shoes by other companies existed on the market The all-star was a true phenomenon Outfitting teams from coast to coast the chuck taylor all-star was the shoe for decades Although in retrospect They may not have been the most comfortable for the newly developing fast-break style of basketball We have to remember that all the shoes Had bad motherfucker black canvas high tops

Now that I look back on it since they were the only option we had. Hey, that's what we wore Later in basketball shoe sales the chuck taylor was joined in popularity by the jack Purcell model First produced for tennis in badminton in the 1930s. They brought that back named for the top badminton champion of the era The jack Purcell brand soon became These are the kind of sport stars they had before they had into badminton hero The brand received a big lift when photos of james dean relaxing in the low cut canvas shoe were released With dean looking slightly cooler in jack Purcell's Than in his high school chuck taylor all-stars

Back on the hardwood converse continued to dominate the basketball landscape Chuck taylor spread the converse word through countless all-white players The converse back in your book profile Bill rush no i mean to want to show him back there around the country Oh, yeah, you couldn't put that in the game chuck taylor was inducted into the basketball hall of fame in 1968 The same induction class as red hourback Well deserves a tour of the hall finds dozens of examples of converse influence throughout the history of the sport from college The nba and even overseas all the greats were in and everybody from bob coosie, of course bill russell

got all his rings wearing them and And uh, everybody wore that shoe if it wasn't official Habla check shoe of the nba for so much time with the introduction of leather basketball shoes in the late 60s The chuck taylor all-stars slowly faded in the athletic realm Although it's popular. He wore pumas. He switched. Oh, who what's a puma fly Staple of the counterculture because the client was a puma puma developed a client taylor on the court and converses reach expanded beyond Basketball they also had success in the sports of tennis. All right. I kill this dog football Yeah, I didn't know converse been around that fucking wall. That's a long time

Chuck taylor never really really does Julius took it to the next fucking level with the limousines for the feet. That's what those were those were leather Shoes and then they started adding the color to it in the fucking glitter. But besides that They're the original limousines for the feet. I love how that's not a patch protect people's ankles. Did you see that dog? No Oh my god, look at those legs Look how long those fucking legs are on the stripes Why second to show the commercial you're gonna die Look at that

He's influencing I'm gonna show me the commercial Just set them in a video The fuck Look at this. Oh, Jesus Christ in hell Jesus Christ right in his face. Look at that was billy post unnecessary Yeah, that he did that to a bunch of potential disrespect there and then like he went when I and then michael Jordan took it from there Oh, you could turn this off now now. Julia's serving would do some nasty fucking things to you

When we're on the roguin podcast a couple weeks ago. Yeah, I told him to put on Julia's servings top 10 dunks dude that behind the backboard that had to be in there even though it wasn't a dunk going Around behind the back are reaching back in just that I was against the Lakers Wow, he was a laker killer back in the days But that went on if you watch it was just crazy the top 10 dunks by Julia's serving There was a dunk on here. Yeah that nobody ever talks about but I think it was one of the greatest dunks of all time What and I saw it live what he did in the port against the portland chiral bays of the finals when they lost on six games In game six, they were losing like by 11

And they were kind of iffy iffy and Julia's serving wanted to make a statement And he took the ball and he drove it and he slammed it and bill wartham's face Like bill wartham was the big thing then he just slammed I'll show it to you that you see bill wartham calling for an offensive file Okay, put the music Okay, that's never seen one like it He's never seen it behind the back That's the one you're talking about. No, that's not what I'm talking about. Look at this one. This one's beautiful Boom right around kareem. Call me the ball. Get the fuck. He had that first step, man

Oh, shit Wow Oh, that's detroit it was not gonna let him score ever He is that's an example that lake is again always killed the lake is Look at him God he jumped high Yeah, you're right the first step you take my his first step But he went around the back to talk to that guy's face

And then dunk All right, I love that guy. I love that guy That's against fucking when he palms that basketball. There's no getting it out of his hand Jesus that's against the phoenix sons and that was Walter Davis and the coke heads. Look at those two giants next to him Look at them right now. Good. You have to be the slam that way What here we go against here we go against poor watch bill wartham one two three Bam! Look at bill wartham calling for the offensive watch bill wartham comes up Look at him watch

Watch watch bill wartham calling for the offensive. Oh, what a fucking punk This is another one against against you ready to jump into it. Look at this one. That's that's in the same game too. Look at That's against bobby gross. No, he didn't fuck around dog Look at this one. I had this game getting one point at all And I was at the game he went into space. Were you really? I was at that game I was at that. I was getting a point at home. Look at this That's when you knew they were gonna win it that year. Look up dr. J around the backboard Wow

Yeah, he was exposed in that first step. He was just shake you and go he would hold that ball And his right hip or his left hip Depending on where he was standing And he would take that first step and juke you and then bring it back And why he got a hold of it. We just palm it and why you were going back with him He would take off. He had a perfectly time There you go I'm gonna play they're gonna play a super slow motion. I guess is that what they're doing right now? Look at that one hand

Are you doing that or are they doing it? They're doing that. Oh Look at this. Oh Who's that in the middle? Jabal thinking about it of Lakers. He goes up, but he's behind the backboard by a long way. Yes His head's almost gonna hit it. He ducks his head and now he's going backwards. Yes. Yes. This is brilliant And he just reaches out. This is brilliant. He's had white dude over there with the sixth shirt on Yeah, 24 Bobby Jones. That guy was a fucking defensive savage. Wow That's crazy. Look at he was white in a playoff game five point game

And he was jumping over kareem that dude Bobby growth, uh Bobby Jones was a white dude that was a fucking tremendous fucking defensive player Okay, here's the best duck. I remember being at I don't know who'd be there dr. J I'm sorry. Jerry Stackhouse university of maryland Against who throwing down university against university of maryland? And he caught an alley you passed it and everybody was like, oh, that's just a bad pass And then he just went up so high to get it and threw it down so hard

If it's like I remember it Man the best dunks I ever seen beside julia serving was michael jordan college against like wake forest on a saturday afternoon Yeah, when he called the clear one and he just went down and fucking annihilated that guard I love dunks. I fucking love the great hacky. They make everybody go crazy a hundred percentage percentage Why are they hacky dunks? Yeah. No, they're not hacky Was it 95 maybe all right for Jerry Stackhouse? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It very well might have been is it just one dunk? No, not the whole game. No, I know It's a how-to-have

I keep their music. Yeah, someone's playing a recorder or something. Uh, Jerry. I know it's crazy. Wait put dunk on that too on the search Wait It's like some something with an organ or something like that like a Like a fucking tutor or whatever. Yeah, so I was playing and I someone's playing a recording an immigrant dunk Oh, I mean, uh music Yeah, I think we'd have to find the whole game. Okay, go down some go down some. Let me just see Oh, that's youtube dammit All right, I don't know where it is

I'd love to see it again though That like that's like even for someone who could never play bad I didn't even know the rules of basketball to kid the dunks or the best part the best part They would show time more back then too. They would go for it. They give the fans a little something Right, they wouldn't just go in and just dunk it. They would like hey, I'm gonna fucking windmill here It wasn't called showboating. It was fucking showboating People enjoyed it like yeah showboat. We're all fucking fans Do a crazy dunk what happened was and then they just start to have a respect the mba had and the aba will

Opposite scenes and then all sudden The aba went into like this dunk mode. Yeah, they had George Gervin and Julia serving and Uh loving bad news barns. They went into this fucking Other type of mode entertaining and the mba ticket sales started going down like this is a whole story The aba ticket sales started going down. No mba ticket sales started going down Aba ticket sales were always bad in different cities and shit But they were talking about how at one point with the mba it got so Chuck and jive as they want to call they got too black. Yeah, you know that let's be honest what what the word was

It got too black and white sale. That's when you watch that bird Again Celtics remember a couple weeks ago. They had that series Celtics against the lakers on the spn. It was a whole week long thing. That's why larry bird was so important Because the league was the the sales were low white people weren't going to games So that's why larry bird meant was so much You know, you guys were really young when larry bird came on the scene It was like bruce lee It was like bruce lee guys

And you cheered for this fucking ugly looking white dude They wouldn't they were nine and oh indiana state was nine and oh and i don't know what they are I don't know if they division two or or three, but they wouldn't get on tv Yeah, and everybody kept talking about this white dude 30 points a game averaging 33 points a game or 31 College leading the nation in scoring That team is nine and oh They wouldn't fucking show indiana state and finally by the 11th game They showed indiana state and larry bird

Put on a clinic in front of the country and that was it after that every sunday We don't give a fuck of uc ls playing uc ACC game, you know the acc is a popular fucking mariland. Yeah north carolina. That's the mariland's gone. Mariland's gone Yeah, that's always been my favorite one of my favorite that in the big east Yeah, those two those two over basketball for college basketball. Yeah for sure for sure they were It was just a fucking so when bird came up It was such a big deal because he was going to put asses and seats again You know, he went away from the dunk. He was popping 30 fucking footers

Sort of back to the game. So that's why it was so important and then they developed a rivalry with larry brah with With magic johnson. Did you guys watch reggie miller play because I love three pointers? But The everyone who shoots him from when i'm around watching seems to miss like seven like seven out of ten So i get the knowing because they keep missing him but reggie miller He's the best look at his lifetime stats. He was fire. He would if he got an inch. He was the step curry There was a game against the nicks where he hit a three the game was over and he hit a three Stole the inbounds pass

I think went for two And then The next inbound pass he like stole again and just backed up and hit a three It was like eight points in 15 seconds and then just the game just changed. It was over. It was done the other way Look up. Look up that you remember that When reggie miller was the only thing keeping the nicks out of the playoffs. Yeah, he was a neck killer and fucking spike And storing the spike lee's face We chokes now mother fucker as spike lee used to say shit him

He used to say shit back three point field representatives 40 percent 39.5 percent. Yeah, spike lee would jump back in his face. You know who I am You know what i can do to you that was this guy when i was coming up that those 16 seconds. Maybe you remember Lee see if there's a video for this cat name Lloyd free Just put Lloyd free When I was a kid Lloyd free. I thought Lloyd free was gonna be the best player in the league Lloyd free. Okay Right there world be free. Yeah, then he changed his name to world be free the legend. No way. Click on that one yet

He played for the sixes All right, but when he came into the league, yeah, he was like johnny ghetto They would only put him in way before he was world Way before this shit When he came into the sixes they said he could shoot the ball him and i'm balding that way. That's great Him and andrew tonic could shoot the ball in the dark. Watch these shots Look how he was built to boot strong

No, this kid was a savage. Yeah stocky. He was like a But when he was with the sixes with julia serving That one season when they'd be down 13 points going up to the half And he was the sixth man. He come what a nice Yeah, yeah, this guy was badass. He come off the bench For the sixes. He got him. Look at look how high the shot. Look at him. Wow. Get a little Yeah, no, this guy was a savage. Look at when he was a sixer He was tremendous with a chain on it's flopping everywhere. He didn't give a fuck nice dish. Look at unselfish

What nice, yeah dog this guy was a smooth smooth Then he changed his name to world be free and it was over Yeah, I thought he was a lot better when he was lord be free. He was kicking white people. He didn't give a fuck There was two players. I thought they were phenomenal. Look at this And he was tough like he took it to your ass if you fucked with him If you didn't respect his defense like if you didn't go out to play him He would pop a 40 on you. He could pop a 40 on your dog Wow, cool

And then put another guy in this was my all-time favorite. This guy used to come off the bench for the seattle supersonic who Who he was built like me? Yeah, and he'd drink on the bench that he'd have a little brown bag on the bench And the coach would yell from like if they were down four points the coach and papa said you ready to go and coach I go in but there ain't no defense coming out of me He was a little chubby dude. I forget what his name is He'd take the ball dribble it twice and just throw it up in the air

BAM! He'd do that three or four times They'd be up and he'd say coach. It's over. I'm tired myself out. I gotta get a beer It was is it weird for you that like Great teams aren't around anymore. Like when you say like the seattle supersonic says people listen to this podcast He probably never saw them play. Yeah, they've been gone for a while now. The seattle supersonic's had a great team Sean campers are good. Sean camp Peyton years were really good Yeah, but before that great mba jam team the great mba jam team they fucking

Way before that they went to the finals or maybe even won it one year with jack sigma And a bunch of fucking crazy dudes. I was a kid. I used to love all that shit. That was my world Was all that basketball, you know, I still remember when the bullets were in washington Yeah, with that one bar the one right dude that was fucking tremendous ball Heywood workman was a great defender unseld. West Unseld was great. Yeah West Unseld. They said Bobby had one of the best first steps of anyone and and he was short in the stocking and they had uh And he played with bernard king's little brother Albert king and they said Albert king had such a quick first step that he would fake you out

Then go back and then come back to the original spot, but you couldn't have even reacted to the first fake So you're still go so somebody's he fake myself into tougher defense You know because like I put you that way listen, you're supposed to try to go back But it's like I couldn't even see this i remember king was dick Compared to his brother bernard king was the better one Put on bernard king highlights. We'll take some of bernard king. All right, and you listen to your fucking older brother here Yeah, there was tony soprano There was jackie gleason

There was laurence taylor And this guy came in a tight third Right there this kid bernard king those are cool. You know, oh my god This guy was a nightmare when he first came out of college Look at fucking red on round ball. He's a little man. That's red on round ball That's that used to be halftime of all the mba games red on round ball He would teach you how to play basketball really light that up put that on louder Great all-around player of the new york. Look I get goosebumps dogs. He's supposed to be a small forward

What are you doing playing the fifth six foot six? Look at his mother fucking dog? What? what brother bernard Yeah, because he played inside, right? Look at him. Look at him. Boom. Boom. Oh my god. Nice fan. Oh, no He had the best spin. I knew bernard king isn't older. No But our king was I knew one of the greatest listen. They did a 30 for 30 years They did a 30 for 30 on him recently If he wouldn't have got hurt, he's still number eight in all-time scoring. Oh really and he got hurt three years his knees

like this guy He was a fucking savage and he was the king of new york Look at him when he played in new york at that garden on the tuesday. Look who he used to have to cover He used to have to cover savages Look at his face. Look at him. He was a fucking yeah, he was tough, right? Tough. Yeah, I remember him there with the bullets a little older He's still the best player. Yeah, look at him against detroit against mark and guai He didn't give a look at kelly chipuca

Look kelly chipuca that that dude you play for fucking jersey and he you know how most players have a thousand points in four years Yeah, this guy was bad. That's why he's like you're supposed to be out in the wing He's like, what are you doing playing the pivot? Look at him against look at him. He didn't give a fuck He never got the memo like most people get the memo you that's a play He didn't give a fuck And he took it to you. He got right into your chest. Look at where he jumped. Yeah, he took it to your ass and always and one Look at him in new york. He was just tremendous as a nick benign. Look at him He would fuck you up from anywhere. That's all right is bill war and billy polts

Look at brother benign. Look at brother benign. Oh shit There wasn't even a three point. Oh, that's that's oh my god So now he's getting older No, by the time he got to the bullets, he was done. Yeah, his knees were done They said the night he got hurt. Look at him at tennessee the bernie and fucking ernie show Straight from fucking brooklyn jack. Look at him Straight out of fucking brooklyn this fucking art And then that's then he went to the nets and he got in trouble with the nest

They caught him out of lights falling asleep with cocaine on his shirt So they sent them to rehab and the golden state warriors and while he was at the warriors He became the comeback player of the year and then guess what what the nicks kind of came a calling for him And that was the fucking beginning of the end. Oh, yeah No, no that year when he when he got out of rehab. He went bananas. He went fucking bananas He went to rehab for a year for six months six weeks. Wow and then he went to golden state He went and he won the comeback. Look at the new york city. New york city. Don't give it to a black dude like that ever Look at him. He didn't give a fuck. Look at him

Bam Look at those stock brokers after work getting fucked up in the city Nope don't defend that Paul West for oh my god, I forgot he was a nick That dude could shoot the boy was ambidextrous. He could pop a 30 on you with both hands dog. You understand me? Yeah, he fucked up the He fucked up the sixes. He fucked up everybody One week he scored 60 points in two games against the Celtics and somebody else at the garden

And that was it. Look at him. Look at him. He didn't stop dog. Wow That's the garden dog. I love looking at the dressing in the stands That's new york fucking city. If you didn't get him off their feet like that on a tuesday night. Are you fucking crazy man? Come on You know many tuesday nights. I went into that fucking garden just to watch him play There you go 50 points. Cheers Oh, every time he gets up at this point, he's just fucking hurting I'm telling you he was he had a couple nights. He was just popping 50s. Just give me the ball. I can't miss right now Nobody could stop this motherfucker

not Detroit Wow, I'm telling you guys you have no idea I wouldn't fucking bullshit you guys. This is as good as it gets for a long time He was fucking up the Celtics. He was fucking up the sixes He was fucking and that dude. He was hugging right that little brother right there to Ray Williams He had a brother called Gus Williams that played for the seattle supersonic that was also a fucking. He's calling the wizard Yes, and it counts but our king continues to hammer those dislocated figures on both hands Yes

Here's king. Yes Here's king over curator. Yes King with a sensational rebound Yeah, not tremendous brother. Tremendous shit I grew up with this shit. It was that that kid he played against. I remember one night Irish affair Yeah, my high school was in the semifinals Of the states. That was a basketball geek Me the coach from Ramapo, Chuck McBrain, Whitey O'Donnell

We hopped on a bus and we went out to fucking uh Brooklyn, New Jersey To watch our high school against his white dude. That was a machine His father had been a quarterback for the Broncos. Yeah, and this kid You know most players have a thousand points in four years Yeah, he was doing a thousand a year. Really? Oh, they said he was the next Julia serving and he was white I went out there. The kid's name was kelly trapeuka. No way We're sitting out the fuck you saw in high school. Oh my god. Listen to me against my high school

He scored 44 points. Oh, wow. He was 20 for 24 from the field. Wow We beat him What with a tipping this kid called the veto that was about he had gone for like eight different college He had gone for like eight different high schools. Yeah originally from north bergen But he went to like union hill emerson, then he made a comeback at north bergen And at north bergen there he had like one year eligibility left But he was a fucking savage called the veto And there was like a ball was on the rim and he tipped it in our high school one

Then we had to play camden In fucking camden down there and that's when we had a coach that was in the wheelchair Ralphie marino Yeah, and we beat the camden and the one black kid came over and spit at his fucking face Who spits in the guy's face in the wheelchair? Crazy fucking crazy, man How crazy were the stands back then because now like even the even the bleachers are kind of tame This is my favorite video that i've ever seen is when they threw Pete's at a guy's face at fenway that one still makes me laugh

But when i went to ol retzins games or bullets games, it was like it shook like it was like this isn't sturdy Everyone's stomping and it's going crazy and it's like it was not that safe I went to a lot of games It surprised me at all fall I've been to a lot of games or everything And i'm gonna tell you the loudest stadium i was ever in how i thought there was an earthquake But i was scared for a few minutes, but they couldn't be an earthquake that ready for this monday night football When fucking joe montana went to kansas city

And they played against the denver broncos on monday night And joe i think it was joe montana was about to take him into the fucking I'd never been in a place as loud as that and there was an earthquake. There was a fucking earthquake There was a fucking earthquake, man I love that. I love that. That's why it's so disappointing when when you go to some place and they don't have like a great fan experience Like that's why they had so much it's so much fun. I don't know it's And then and then like that's why I like older stadiums I'd like i've sat in very nice seats. I have a soul in them still, but yeah, I like older

Like that's a one my one baseball regret as I wish I'd gone to the old yankee stadium. That would have been fun to see The old yankee stadium It was 1990s Excuse me summer of 93 And I saw fucking crack vials on the steps. No way. Yeah It was fucking crazy and I wasn't really a big yankee stadium guy I was always a shea stadium guy because my mom was a met fan But I saw I went to some fucking listen, man

sports Changed a lot. I mean i remember going again at the houston to watch clements pitch Yeah against somebody and nobody would nobody would yell Nobody would talk People would say things but amongst themselves you really couldn't Say anything aloud. I used to go to games with my mother She used to throw chicken wings at rusty star What they banned my mother from sitting on right field and made us sit on left field

She's gonna throw chicken wings at rusty star The right fielder from the Mets because he made an error one day my mom lost a bet So she never forgave that motherfucker ever again So every time he'd run by my mother would call him la ruta He would pull da and she'd start yelling at him throwing chicken wings at him. So They liked my mom. So they said listen, you can still come to the games Just gotta sit on left field or some shit the opposite side But people were crazy people yelled people had fistfights. I went to a jet filling game one time in

New jersey in 1993. Yeah, and I'll never forget this some dude Had like a new england jacking on or something And they kept on take the jacket off Take the jacket off and the guy got up. I thought he was cute turned around And went like this with his fingers then turned back around Ari Shafir He wasn't here and things were being ejected out at him From everywhere from hot dogs to sodas to bees

To fucking pop everybody's a chucky. I mean people just chucking shit at them so bad that security had to come and pull them out like a That's the shit I miss I don't like going to listen I don't like when lee tells me he's going to a dodger game in the back of my mind I think at least I'm getting beat up He goes to a dodger game with a boston red socks Depends on where I'm sitting there's some fucking jerk off says something to you, you know

I don't need that at a game. That's not what games were about ever ever Games were about I don't know you you don't know me, but you know what man You got a joint let's spark it. I got one too And next you know the whole area is pissed off kids mothers with their kids are looking at us. Fuck you Put away the marijuana. Fuck you That's what baseball games used to be when like when your team is coming back or when you're like your team hits a home run It's the same thing as like when the whole table gets like the dealer bus on blackjack Like like it's the same everyone's high five

Yeah, it's it's it's uh, it's a lot of fun. It's it stinks when they lose But it's like that I I don't think there's a better sport than baseball to see live. I don't know I don't know. It's so slow. You can go out have drinks. Yeah. Yeah, you can walk around you get some sun It's like fucking it's just so nice. It's just a pleasant experience like right now Matters if you're up to two runs to nothing you're like well, we can miss this offensive You know and go get some fucking something down below and this is the time of the year to go watch baseball School's back in session still warm September the nights here in los angeles are fucking gorgeous. Yeah nights in new york evenings in new york

Look at Yankee schedule I want to see if I have one more weekday day game those weekday day games. They're fun, brother. No, he's there. Nobody's there You get the steaks sandwich there yet The Yankee stadium. Yeah, the 20 on the steaks. I don't think I have is that worth it. You've had that I've heard steak salmon professionals there that have said that they go there just for the steaks sandwich really Yeah, I'll go I'll get it on the second floor. Maybe it's a houston's may something like that You think I'm scared my friend used to leave in the seventh inning. You got a steak sandwich Oh, I've seen that steak sandwich up there where we sit in the places. Yes. Yes. You have to go somewhere and get it

He says it's fucking out of this world really And that's when things stadium food has become like when I was a kid decent dogs Bro, I'll dodge a stadium. It was all dodge dog garbage. They have chinese food now Well, it's not angel stadium has pandux press right fucking uh, uh, memorial stadium. No, it came to the yards that kosher food They had a kosher stand. Yeah, where the Orioles play. Yeah, but didn't I eat at boot piles place there? There's a truck outside. Yeah, there's a truck outside, right? Yes. Yes. This was night inside the gates though Yeah, I had tickets to the game. I went in I got some it's like barbecue beef or like brisket or something Yeah, I don't give a fuck

They could call it that I fucking face turns red. I'm doing a motherfucking podcast jack Fuck that you're supposed to call me this morning. It's pit beef boot piles pit beef pit beef. That's right pit beef and ballmores Damn So many places have a good high mouse water I miss like a good fucking crab cake I really had those, you know the crab cake type of guy from kosher for too long. So I didn't uh So if you eat kosher, you can't eat crabs. No shellfish. It's not even the way you make it. Just no crabs at all No crabs or shrimps. What's his name? Barry fucking lobster's name eight lobster. Oh, yeah, no one keeps kosher

No, uh, what's his name the guy that went away that robbed everybody That deniro played on hbo. Oh, um Recently that guy uh, oh this made off. Yeah made off. He wasn't keeping kosher Yeah, no one keeps kosher. You're also not supposed to lie and cheat people out of money That's the bigger issues than what he's fucking putting in his throat It's one of the 10 man. Well, that's why I made the point I don't even swear to my fucking putting people into homelessness. He cares too much about like is this permitted It'd be pretty funny if he was keeping kosher

So he was keeping kosher the whole time like no god wants this you're like, what about bilking people? Well, we followed It's all under a loop. So no shellfish at all. No shellfish. No lobster. No ham. No pork. So there's none of that pork No cheese with meat. So there's no cheeseburgers. Yeah, can't mix. How the fuck do you eat 20 cheeseburgers a week? I don't keep kosher. He's making up for lost time. He orders twice the cheese I'll tell I'll let you know when he stops. Now. What's good. That's kosher now. Like they've turned a lot of food No, you who's no, you can get you can get kosher food now. Yeah. Yeah cats are all kosher All nestle's kosher

So you go to the candy front most gummies kosher Technically because it kind of the horse hoof is not even any kind of meat. So they're like so it doesn't matter Is it really horse hoof? Yeah, it's horse hoof. Oh, what's horse hoof the stuff that makes the gummy texture They're shaving down horse They're just like they're just like yeah sanding it down until it's a powder and using that as a mix Oh, no, it's okay. So the normally that wouldn't be kosher but the jewish Board of rabbi is like that ain't even food. You can eat horse hoof. That's not even about kosher or not

So that's allowed You can have spaghetti and meatballs. You can't put parmesan cheese on there They do have bacon bits, which are fake bacon or fecos I had bakos. Yeah, which tastes like bacon bits. You can put it on salad tastes like bacon work around I'm talking fried chicken Absolutely not but you can make fried chicken at home. Keep in mind you have two parents almost every time really taking care of you So there's plenty of time to cook Uh, make me something nice, please

But then you end the maid don't you have to have two sets of dishes two sets of dishes You gotta have meat on one side milk another now if you're a ball in a family you get two dishwashers Generally if you're poor, you have no dishwashers. You gotta get separate sinks ish You can use the same sink But you gotta use different sponges for meat dishes or milk dishes now. What's a kosher chicken perduke? It's killed. No, no nothing. You gotta go to uh, you gotta go to a jewish, uh, Whatever they're called butcher butcher. Yeah, they got to be killed in a certain way And blessed right through it right through a hole in your thing

Exactly in between two vertebrae wherever there's no pain. There's no pain. Yeah Which is now by the way way more inhumane than what they actually just do now What everybody does before they were just beat him to death and said that she was like, oh, we should be better than that But now they're just worse than They just fucking kill them. They're done and with an instant at the execution But like, uh, so they kill it perfectly if they fuck up you can't you can have it We can't have it anymore. They're gonna sell a wholesale to the goyim Um, you know, so it's not a total loss. We don't we don't waste it. Yeah, why waste it?

Not and then uh, and then if it is killed then you're fine But if it comes in contact with with uh, milk, you're fucked Okay, kosher milk is fine. Just not with meat Only only fish is the is the universal donor that can go with meat or milk Fish is fine somehow. They don't believe fish are real animals. They don't have to kill those. You can just swallow them alive No rules about it Yeah, crazy. I didn't know that much. Oh, yeah. Now. What about sushi sushi's allowed Just not like you couldn't have salmon sushi totally good. What no filly roll. No filly roll

Why not because of the cream cheese? Yeah, no, no, you can have kosher cream cheese No, but now with the field delphi brand cream cheese is kosher cream cheese Not with what? Oh with the salmon you could with the salmon you can. Oh, you're absolutely right. You can have a filly roll You can't have a crab roll No, that California roll, but you can have the imitation crab meat. That's that's the california roll the imitation crab meat, right? Yeah, you could have that You could have the salmon the spicy salmon. See, I didn't know fish and and Snapper

You can have that. Yeah, and with the with the my dad makes my dad makes it now Now, what about is meat have to be kosher meat has to be kosher Everything's hip-fish If if it's kosher now pigs don't ever be kosher giraffes, yes Horses I forget now. Let me ask you this. Where's the jewish butcher around here In the valley. Yeah, there's a few. Oh, you can get some kishka Dude, I made a chaunt. Did I tell you that you did with the girl? Yeah, okay

It came out great. I was up here something for the kishka because you gotta get that frozen. It came out great We got to make a we got to make a chaunt before I leave. What you got a crock pot I didn't sell I asked my wife. I don't know what ask her. We're it's a it's a it's a 16 hour dish. Tell him. Tell him It's like the stew. It's a eastern european stew. I don't think I ever had chaunt Why? I don't know who raised you not. I guess not eastern. I they're eastern european. I don't know what's your last name Siam. Yeah, I don't know what that is. It sounds a little arabic. Uh, no, it's uh, lithoanian Okay, that should be okay. You should then you should have chaunt. I'm sure we do somewhere beans

barley, okay, potato like just you know diced potatoes All sorts of different things in different regions. Some people put like chopped up wiener dogs Which is fine. Whatever for garbage some of the put hard boiled eggs in there kishko over the top Which is just intestine tubes and they bake so good Oh, they bake so good. No, I'm I think I'm too far down And you put water in it and you put it in a crock pot on on low or medium. I forget for 16 hours You do it at like

6 p.m. You set it you forget it you come back the next day at lunch First maybe you get a little a little mixture because the steam keeps it keeps it watery You know, you don't let the top off too much. That's a little dry out But you get one on for breakfast before you go to uh, shul Because you're gonna be there for a few hours. So you smell it So you're like, let me just get a bite of this So you quickly eat a little bit put the top back on and then at 11 30 12 to take it off And it's got this consistency, which is not like wet. Can we put shredded beef in that motherfucker?

We put also a lot of hot dogs We could put anything with a potato. They put brisket brisket pieces of brisket Yeah, that's the technique. They put um, these uh, these these ribs that have the you know, the squares on the inside the bones Whatever those are called And then they melt off the bones just come out and then the marrow goes out into the things So you eat these fucking you can bottom out the marrow from these bones. It could the meat comes off Yeah, you could put shredded beef that sounds nice with some brisket. No brisket is kosher, correct? Yeah, brisket's kosher you get that from anywhere though or that has to be

You probably still have to have it be a kosher bircher Like if you go to the barbecue place up here in north hollywood, no brisket Yeah, that wouldn't be kosher. No, okay. They have to have A rabbi looking over the process or threatening to look over the process. We can trust you that you're actually doing it, right? Now what's the nearest holiday the first holiday of the jewish season is now russia shana. We're new years, which is september 24th, maybe I don't know how was this track? It's early this year, huh? It is Yeah, I told you this year for sure the 20th it starts september 20th. Yes

Really? Yes. September 10th. So yeah, that's next week. Ten days of repentance So on russia shana First day of the holidays god opens up his book It's like santa claus Let's see what you've been up to And he makes his judgments about you But he keeps the book open So you got 10 days for the first day of russia shana second day of russia shana then

Seven days in between and then the last day is yom kippur. That's all there's no family get together at russia There's family get together you eat apples dipped in honey. You remember that you do that. Oh, yeah apples dipped in honey round challah instead of long one Circle challah because the year is round. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, sure Are you a raisin challah or a plain challah person? Dude, we would go one in one because I love raisin challah Especially with the honey Yeah, but so we have for everybody and if you want three out of four one way

But then you feel like taking a you know a jump then take the jump That's I that's true. That's one and one go one and one. I think now maybe as an adult I might like the raisin challah, but as a kid. I hated it. Yeah, so don't be forced I'll see somebody pick out raisins. Can I have your raisins? Are you eating those? Anyway, you have that with honey Apples with honey because that's round Russia shana is great, but families come over. It means with another family. Yeah, but it's great meals And you don't keep poor the 10 days later. That's just straight repentance. You don't wear leather anything

You fucking tear your shit you tear your like shirt and stuff If it has all you don't sit in a high tape share No, you're supposed to rip it. You're supposed to rip it just it's like yeah, it's like your morning So you know no leather shoes can't wear leather. It's too nice You don't say hello to anybody. You're just nod And that day that's when the the books are closed. So god keeps those judgment books open So if he's like, you know what this guy's being good. All right Better judgment, but if he's not or whatever he writes it in slams a shut into the fact

You can't eat from sundown till sundown the next day 25 hour fast No food no water You would hate that part And then you have to go to temple during it, which is even worse Yeah, and then you finish and you just go now both you guys grew up this way I know well, I did this is the only like these holidays are like Christmas and Easter So like my mom would go for these I do take an objection with what I said. No, I just remember something else. I'm fucking crazy. Go ahead

So yeah, so these were like the big ones. So we would go During these couple days and I hated it because they're fucking long Like shabbat would be like an hour But these were like all like for four or five hours and for like I would reform which is basically a joke to him So it's a joke. Yeah, he's not even conservative. It's like oh, we fell part of it But reform is like let's redo it and you're like, well, let's fucking make your own religion then Mormon Fucking reformed I'm telling people in Israel that I'm reforming they get so upset like what the fuck you talking about reformed

And it is ridiculous. They have to make a new one. They have guitars. It's tell. Oh, yeah They get up there and they're singing their songs and dance And I don't mind let's touch each other even though that's fucking you're not allowed clearly You know He's like the mom the the women and the men get separated sit separate Because well, it's not their fault. It's our fault, but we're all horn dogs. You fucking pray to god Don't be sitting there looking at the chick from your class across your legs Of course, that's what you do. That's a good idea separate them

homosexuals throw a wrench in it They should probably sit by themselves But actually no because they're attracted themselves. So sit alone homosexuals have to get quarantined If you really want to do it, we can concentrate on god They would have what I would like to call the hole where if you're gay you get thrown in there So you can concentrate on god and not get distracted by sex Otherwise heterosexual women you all sit together heterosexual man. You all sit together Bisexuals. Yeah, you gotta go out in the hole for sure

I don't see a way around that men aren't even supposed to be attracted anybody Like what was it called like I saw and I forget it was like these guys were walking with a sheet so they could see But they could tell us you get the towels over your head bra. Yeah So you can't even see the Lisa duck down to my dad who like lifts up his like wing and get under there Oh my god felt like the same as place in the world so anyway They have to sacrifice something in the old days

You don't keep poor russia shana. I forget which one And otherwise you would offer a sacrifice. We did away with that. We just Nice prayer. They still do it. Yeah, but so the one time here they do it is you say these prayers You put your sins on a chicken and a live chicken You put your sins on them It's kind of like confession and you like say these prayers and you hold this chicken you hold his head And then you finish that you hold them by the neck And then you just start spinning them around

You just start spinning him he's squawking And you just spin this fucking chicken spin it and spin it and spin it And all your sins are on this fucking sin chicken And you just spin it and he's squawking and then you just stop squawking And you just keep spinning it and then it's dead You killed the fucking sin chicken your sins go with the chicken. So let it non-jew eat it Yeah, let it can't eat it let it non-jew eat it sell it off to one of them I got this fucking sin chicken it most of the sins don't count towards you

I was barely in Israel But the one time I was there I was there for Yom Kippur And I was at in Jerusalem the night and the next day they had fucking chickens They were just all along the alleyways of it's like tribesmen in Africa kind of behavior Fucking spin a chicken over your head until it's fucking dies And they're chanting. I'm in there. There's some fucking weirdo language. Nobody uses Fucking nuts. No, you're not spinning it. The the the father Spins it right no, no, no not the rabbi my dad did it everybody did it

You get your chicken fucking killed the fuck out of it when you're a man Sometimes what you can do is what you probably did you put your sins on a loaf of bread Yeah, you take you did that shit. Yeah, we did that sometimes we went and put in the river Yeah, then you take the bread you throw it into the river. It's got your sins on it fish eat it Now they're the sinners. It's a little it's a little I mean that we did that a lot of times We only did the sin chicken sometimes what we need a really many years. I don't know I think when maybe we're is like, oh, I do the sin chicken four times a month Just kill it this way. No, it's different. It's it's not a sin chicken. It's what you have

Okay, let's say um Just up in weirdo shit with weird belts with tassels on them the kill a fucking chicken say What you came I'd say you came to me and you said, you know what? I'm not feeling that fucking good lately I go get a chicken Well, you'd voodoo it it's santa reish. I'm sorry the same fucking difference, but it's still the same concept I grab it by the legs. Mm-hmm

I pick it up and I offer it to god and I say arisha fee is here He comes to offer you this, you know, take care of his confusion and take care of his Watch over and watch his path Then I take that chicken and you turn counterclockwise And I'm pretty much from your head. I wipe your shoulders with it your back Your arms your hands your feet and the last thing is your hands Yeah, because you want it to clean the shit from your hands. You could get money And then I take that chicken my chop its fucking neck off

I feed it to the saint the blood who's the saint saints on the ground Uh, we take the saint down What saint a statue the saint that saint that you want to that you pour blood over a stained statue Yeah, like it's not a statue, but it's like a a cauldron With beach rocks in it and it says saint anthony on it or something. Yeah, like it's an african name, but it's still the same concept Oh, you're cleaning your sins. It's still the same shit You know, you're losing you can't pick a fucking winner. You come see me. I get a chicken. I wipe your back I wipe your neck. I clean you down. I kill the chicken you fucking

Know somebody who just has some funky shit on them It's getting into your head. You come to see me same type of concept But really but not really you guys did it once a year, right? I'll see you. Yeah, we get we did it whenever we fell funky You pick four losers in my world. Come on over. Let me kill a chicken for you. Let's kill a chicken for you Do you see a santerie in new york ever anymore? No, I don't know what they even look for. Yeah, they're on the corners What do you mean? You walk by a corner and you see a chicken in a bag or oh, no, I don't couple broken eggs That santeria really? Yeah, because it's the same concept with the egg. Wow if you if you You work with somebody and they killed somebody or they committed suicide something like that

In santeria, they want you to go home and get an egg And you cleanse yourself with the egg if you don't have a chicken You know what I'm saying? Really? Yeah, I ate that uh, those uh, undeveloped eggs when I was in Cambodia What yeah, what are undeveloped eggs? It's got like a fetus in there. Oh fucking that Yeah, it's got like a fetus. It's it's foreign, but it's all like gelatinous And they give it to you and then some fucking old men came by. It's like that's good for a night time It's supposed to be this fucking aphrodisiac or something or boner pill. I don't know I've seen that the Andrew Zimmer and eat that on travel time. I couldn't eat that

Yeah, it gets presented to you and you I was like All right, let's go right now go do it order it Yeah, I was pretty gross But it tasted fine. Did they have bones inside they put a little post like soy sauce in it or some shit something like that Do they have what they're bones in it? Did it crunch? No? No, it did not even the beak was soft and then there's like a harder part So the eggs like that there's like a hard part that's like there That's like all hard. You can't even get through and the rest is all fucking that's my biggest fear

That's my biggest fear traveling. What food? Really? I don't like food. No one's gonna force you to eat it. No, but what am I gonna be fucking eating on the road? Instead he's gonna go to fucking eat cockroaches. What am I gonna eat fucking McDonald's? You gotta eat street food and fucking get sick. Where was this? That was in Cambodia. Yeah, I don't think Joe is going to Cambodia, but you could go to like Japan that's fine. That's my fate. That's more the one. I really want to go to Japan. Yeah I think I'm gonna go there. That seems like fun. Yeah You can eat the sushi. Yeah here. It's but I'm sure they just chopped the head off and it's still swimming

And shit like that. It's uh, it's a different experience to food I don't know if it's china japan where you go eat balls Did I had that in israel? Bulls balls in a mixed grill. I'm like, what does what does kadorim mean? Because I thought I knew I thought I meant balls kador saw cut or whatever And they're like balls. I'm like, yeah, but what does it mean like here in terms of like In the mixed grill it says kadorim like yeah balls like what do you? They're like balls and I was like, oh Yeah, bull's testicles. Are they good? It's delicious. What'd you eat them like?

mixed grill you get a bunch of stuff a little uh liver chicken heart chicken heart maybe um balls pieces of like beef chopped up, you know onion shit mixed grill Now, did you ever find good chinese food in israel because I was I was barely there and the duck sauce was red. Yeah, that's there

It's like sweet and sour sauce. Yeah. Yeah, that is a fucked up But um, they open up a pizza hut they're near uh Jerusalem or mall They had tuesdays all you could eat and we would eat an early dinner on monday like 6 p.m. And then not eat anything until 4 to 5 p.m. The next day and go in and eat an entire pizza and then order another pizza and eat one bite of that go

Yeah, I'm full wrap this up, please We would kill them How was it I like it it's great. It's just pizza like you know, but they had like the when I was there They had like corn on dominoes like that's some weird. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's like that in every country They had sticky rice. They had brown sticky rice at burger king really and check my eye. Yeah Yeah Dude, I had some questionable shit though I had some oysters just in a like a in a like a cooler

But just like out in vietnam down an alley and they were like cooking them and I was like, oh, I mean they looked great but like No freshness and it's just like Shelf just seafood just like shellfish just open oysters or clams Out for a while and I was like, yeah, give me an order of that Oh, and then it's like, let's see. Let's take the ride that's how I didn't get sick I can't do it guys. I don't give a fuck. You would never take like fresh oysters. I don't even like oysters here Clams they had shit on them. I went to Jamaica one time. Did you really chickens on the side of the road and shit?

I went back to that hotel and that food tasted so fucking bad And those eggs tasted weird to me the orange juice tasted weird. I can't I cannot do it. I am too much of a fucking skive I ski fucking food too much But I thought you'd love food My favorite memory is one of you in san francisco or like I want some authentic chinese telling that guy It was okay. It goes no but authentic and then he took it to a good place and you were like, uh, There's crawfish with eyeballs in it and you're like

Little too authentic I need to pull back a little bit This day foley took me to a place that had some fucking tremendous had the Potato pancakes, but again, I'm sold on the east coast chinese food. That's what I grew up with the egg rolls the best You can't find like that where you're fucking mentality is You'd be good chinese in new york. You go right to the village right you go right to chinatown Yeah, but honestly chinatown doesn't have the best chinese same thing as little italy Nearly had the best Italian and it's not open the best only wo hops open late

You would think it'd be open all hours 11. You've got down like two choice. What's fine. It's gross. It's dirty. It's dirty It's not good food. You have places in the east village or like till 10 or 11 or like better You know szechuan food george you would always come torture me about wo hop and I would tell you it's just it's just the one that's open I got chance to 11. I'm good Once I eat chans. I'm good. I don't need to go into the village and let my friends know I went into a village to eat chinese but you're already in new jersey Yeah, what time is last call in new york? That they don't know what you're talking about. That's business by business whenever they want

It's not at all. Is it four or is it three? No, it's neither I'm trying till sun has come up. I've been in bars and seen through the cracks where I'm like, oh fuck. It's fucking sunlight How crazy they just don't kick you out How crazy is that you're in a barn? You walk on you need sunglasses. It's crazy, but it's so it feels so cool So cool. You're like I stayed up all night You see it's the air is like clean Especially if it's like six instead of like nine or ten nine or ten people already out But if you get out like six, it's like still kind of quiet and you're like, oh, yeah

You feel like you're fucking a cop or something. I pulled my first coke all night when I was about 17 with duty contera But to go into a bar At two in the morning And do blow and drink beer and walk out of that bar at 7 30 in the morning When the sun's out. Yeah, you have this weirdest feeling the first couple times you do it You think you're fucking sanatra. Yeah, I feel like that you really do the first three to four times You stay out all night with your friends And you walk out at 7 and you're like, where we're gonna go eat or maybe you can't even eat because you're so fucking coked up

You you feel like look at me I'm getting places and you wake up the next thing you tell everybody dog. We stayed out all night. Where the fuck were you? It was a blast. It was no blast. It was Five guys on one broad looking at the same broad to all fuck And a bartender with a glass eye and everybody's looking at this one chick You know to fuck this shit out of all coked up and at the end of the night She don't go home with nobody Five guys got to go home and bang it out on their own

Like shit like that. Like we leave a bar at seven But then there was a club in the city. I would go to an 83 84 They would give me sunglasses on the way out Really? They would give you like three dollar sunglasses. Oh really so you could go home in peace. Yeah, peace Ha ha ha ha I couldn't even imagine Yeah, me and mark norman sometimes stay up pulling all nighters anymore. Like I couldn't sometimes just hanging out talking for a while What the fuck's the difference like going to a bar and just bellying up and drinking blood lights with a bag of potato chips

All those bars in the york used to have potato chips Sometimes there's a pizza in there in the room or you can order pizza to brooklyn. You can order pizza to a bar And you just like yeah, yeah, and then you just eat it there You've gotten pizza delivered to the bar. I've seen it a bunch of times. Yeah, people can do Holy shit. Okay. We don't suffer. Yeah, get up get a pizza Yeah, it's so fucking cool in those backporty pat patios and like brooklyn. Yeah, damn like when you're in la If you get coked up till four in the morning Ha ha. Yeah, you're driving home on sunset at four. There's not a car out

It's peaceful. It's peaceful. Like you're like, what the fuck am I doing? What is wrong with my life? But in new york You walk out of a fucking club and you're high and the sun's out. You're like, look at me, dawg This is roaming stones type shit. Yeah, you feel like John Lennon staying out all fucking night Yeah, then after a while you just become a loser. Right. It's like, come on. I'll not every night. Stop it It's it's funny, man I listen to this thing And you guys might not like it

But I listen to it for the stupidity and I gotta tell you something I listen to it every sunday I usually take a ride while it's on and I know if I'm gonna like the people on the show within the first seven minutes Yeah, but you catch good people on there and I listen to studio 54 radio on serious radio and on sunday night some lady who was the The uh, what is that shit the cook check anything? No, you know what I'm talking about the lady who does the appointments Yeah, the vip list She is the host of the show She was the official lady who made the vip list for studio 54 every night

And what she hosts this show called studio 54 and two people go in there and talk about their life When they were going to studio 54 Like she knew him Like this week they had a fucking tremendous woman Who hung out with andy wall And just said that he he ran with 16 deep and how In new york andy wall didn't do drugs so studio 54 of those nights andy wall didn't do drugs He but he in the daytime he would go to milkshake bars in the village. That's where men went to meet men

They went had milkshakes Milkshake bars and if he knew the bartender he put jenna there for you really have a vodka or whatever you want in your milkshake But they just talked about their lifestyles arie. Who these people talk about their lifestyles at that time How they were living. Oh, yeah, like the best one I ever heard. Oh, this is the interviews like the interview It's like a podcast. Yeah, but of people who Like it's like us when we're 60. Yeah, and they call us and they go do me a favor Talk about the store from night from 2000 to 2005. Yeah, and we're still talking about mitzi and You know this guy worked the door and there was this other guy that worked the door

It was missing a foot and you were fucking the chick upstairs and I had that chick with the dirty fingernails That would suck my dick for a spot. You know, this is what's gonna happen Dirty years from now when you're sitting there in your bed taking your life is over Some young 28 year old kids and I call you garbage of the eye My name is john smith. No, no, no, don't hang up And you gotta go. What do you want easily? Oh, listen? We got part of this new radio station called the comedy store the wonder years And we love the wonder years

And we love for you to call in and discuss your relationship With joey deans rest in peace and joe rogan rest in peace. You're the only one that's left from that gruari Can you call in tomorrow night and tell us about your life in times at the comedy store from 2000 to 2010? This is the first time somebody's called you in three years. All right. Yeah, what aren't you gonna tell that guy? Yeah, I tell everybody you're gonna go listen. Can I fly myself to you? It's gonna be a while. Yeah, so these these are people that probably Studio 54 was in the 70s. Oh, they had story. So this is 50 fucking years ago So these people are in their 70s. So they come on this show

But about the first time I ever heard this was like on a sunday night I needed weed and I got in the car at 6 30 We just had dinner and I had studio 54 radio on and I caught this husband team talking about their life They were jewish. Yeah, nice jewish couple and they were telling me how their kids were growing up But let me let me tell you all lifestyle what it was in 1975 and later he goes shoot And he goes number one For years Liza Manelli thought we were like Real estate agents. They didn't know that we were dentists

So this husband and wife team Was it were two dentists? Yeah, and they had somebody else who worked in your office They lived in the brownstone and their mother lived downstairs the mom the wipes mother lived downstairs So this was their itinerary. They would get home from studio 54 at 6 in the morning Have breakfast with the kids And then one of them would take the kids to school and they'd sleep till 11 And they'd get up at 11 get ready go to work from 12 to 4 Go home pick up the kids caught dinner

They would have to help the kids with homework take a nap till 11 And then go to studio 54. Uh-huh five nights a week Wow and the lady was like I remember those days you guys were there the people were like tuesday through saturday We were at studio 54 Till 6 in the morning and they started talking about who they saw there and they're talking about how they Tied up bob hope one night. What bob hope went in there one night They the owner of the studio 54 said go get them and a bunch of hot chicks went around bob hope And started tying them up with toilet paper and then after the toilet paper they brought out a rope and shit

And that bob hope was turned and read they just started telling stories are about John afk, you know, not the one kennedy and how poor castellano went like everybody at one time had to go to studio 54 To see what the fuck was going on And it's just interesting that those people live like that like when I read the lennie bruce book Before I got into comedy that motherfucker did comedy to five During the week and jazz and strip clubs and then he would go home and shoot heroin at the chelsea hotel And he would get up about one or two and go eat breakfast. That's the life I wanted like that's it that getting home at six every night and picking up a daily news and a fresh squeeze orange juice

Taking it upstairs turning on the news A little tootsie roots smoke a joint and pass out like by fucking 7 30. I loved all that shit I loved working nights. That was my world. I dreamt of that shit walking in while you're walking out I always love that idea. I'm walking in while all you humps are walking You humps are going to work. I'm going to sleep. I loved working nights. That's why I always knew That I had to do something at night. I hated the day jobs All right, I fucking knew Listen, everybody who the fuck wants to work during the fucking daytime

I like the idea of being a mason and working construction and electrician But sucked my dick I wanted to work fucking nights so I can have the days to myself It's so weird because my mom had that type of bitch. She worked nights She worked nights in bars. She was able to go to baseball games. No at her bar Well, so she was able to go to baseball games. She was able to go to racetrack at one o'clock You're still able to enjoy the day is what my point is Oh, yeah, how come they I haven't really heard of another bar like studio 54. That's like really like the only famous

Club like that. Is there other other ones or do I just not go to clubs after that time in new york city? They they had like aria And they had the one that's the church that's still there On the 20th and west side. It's a church But now it used to be a church. They turned it into a club and they had all these spots lily I was not a club guy I would go like if arry would call me and go joey Come with me tonight as to whatever. I got like an eight ball of blow. Let's take a ride over and we eat some quailudes

I went to studio one time and it was not when big dragon was hanging out there It had to be like 84 on a thursday night Like a friend of mine took me I used to go to the place to rooftop because it was a cocaine place all those places Were basically cocaine places you look at me like what's a cocaine place? Yeah That me you and lee could pay 12 bucks that it was like all you can snort. No, it was Shit, it was a rooftop It was $17 if you walked in at 11 And it was 12 if you walked in after four, but it was all you could drink

All right, so you me and lee would sit on 17 dollars. Yeah, you just 1983 under the drink back then Whatever it was all you could drink So it's watered down alcohol, but you didn't give a fuck But the time you walked in there you dropped a lude or a two-man hole And you had a half eight ball in you and you had 30 cocktail somewhere else You just wanted that to continue the party and be able to drink Yeah So what you did was you wanted that in those days in 1983 if you had an eight ball and I had an eight ball

It went on the table. Really? Yeah in front of 200 people And we would be having our own conversation Snorting talking about baseball talking about yours. I got mine. Yeah, we'd be all doing it together Here try this do this do this. You need a pill. Yeah. Boom. That's what you're paid for In the mid 80s till about 1990 when you went to those clubs, that's what you're paid for To be able to go to the bathroom and snort, you know in studio like in most clubs that you went to All the bathrooms are like the main room bathroom Yeah, with those chairs with the mirror in front of it with the light over it

And you could go into the woman's bathroom at those discos sit down and snort coke and women would go pee And they didn't say nothing to you. All right as long as you didn't fuck with them while they were peeing Whatever you're using it. Let's go. You can just snort coke in there like every place in the club was How much how much is an eight ball and that time? Yeah, like no no no no How much does it cost how how much coke do you get three and a half grams? Show me on the bag. Let's just say that was full of coke. How much how much were that three and a half grams is Not the weight of it, but the look of it, you know, let's say it was all coke What that down there

Yeah That's it. Wow. Anyway, he's getting us some more of the exact amount. Let me see That I'm gonna say and this might be like five grams Oh, so maybe even less than that even less than that. How many lines you get out of that? How many lines you get out of an eight ball? It depends how big you make the lines, you know Little tiny things like this like you should get from there. You should get eight grams out of a half gram eight Snorts out of a half gram. Yeah eight snorts out of half gram. Yeah. Oh, so there you go. That's a long time, though Yeah, and that's it's it's an eighth. Yes, so three and a half grams

Oh, so if you get eight out of a half a gram Yeah, because your lines okay your lines are gonna be like this. Okay when I say lines for a gram 56 56 snorts you get 56 snorts out of that. That's that's a lot. That's a long night, right? I don't know How many snorts do you need three? That was so wet. That's what you need. That was so wet. That's tremendous. That's the protein powder. All right This is a line. You're showing me a line. This is a line. I'm talking about

You can get eight lines like this. Oh, this is perfect knowledge Eight lines like that. So that's one two Little thicker Okay, so I got five there, but I take a little piece off each one here. Oh, you take a little piece off I don't even like getting text and I got six there. See all right And then clean it up a little bit. You take that one Get them to that. Oh, wow. Yeah, I could see so lines like this Yeah, how long does that get you high for if you do one of those lines?

I would have to do three of these to get the party started. Okay, wait about 10 15 minutes and bang out the other three Wow, we'd be talking shitty for how long? An hour and a half an hour and a half that would get you going for alcohol. Yeah You don't even need this much without alcohol But really it's that alone Get it started then get back to it an hour and a half after that. You're like good and high Yeah, okay. That's nice. That's a nice long time fucking up all night And how much would one of those be those eight balls back then?

Back then it was probably uh, 250 to 300. Oh Now it's one and a quarter. It's less because it's not even cocaine anymore. No, it's cocaine It's just we're we're fueled with it's everywhere So it's over saturated over saturated. That's what I meant. It's too easy to get. Yeah, like and you know It's uh, it that's what they do They flood the streets with it and the more of it that you know now Remember you have oxy cotton to compete with yeah, and you also have regular age to compete with oh, yeah So the problem there is that fucking

There's a lot of competition It's not just You can't sell and in the 84 When all that all that shit you guys are watching on narcos. Yeah, they're talking about that shit now now it moved into like 87 88 But when we first watched the second season of narcos Even this season they said something very interesting Remember when they couldn't get the ether right? Yeah, absolutely in the 80s There was a part like 85 86 where your coke started tasting funky

And it was because they couldn't get ether and smuggled into columbia anymore They needed ether to wash it we were talking about this last week They were washing our gasoline and and paint solvent and shit. So your coke tastes fucked up That was the big issue So they couldn't get any ether Then they sent troops down there like 85 86 And that made them move that made them go to cuban processing It's skyrocketed cocaine skyrocketed

by 86 man cocaine There were some people that were getting 1800 to 2000 an ounce wow and they would put a little tiny bit of color that they saved it So you paid top dollar and you knew you were getting top quality what you did with it was your business So on coke that cost 1800 a guy like you could throw 10 grams on it And now you had you started with 28 now you got 38 If you keep three for yourself and sell 35 grams of 100 a piece

You doubled your money That's like a little hustle like yourself You don't Grind up the coke you leave some coke rocks and you just chunk up the other rest and mix it with the cut So you're basically mixing maybe 15 with 10 Yeah, you keep the other rocks out so the customer sees the rock and that's what gets their dick hard and you got a One day long

I don't even know what we're talking about this shitty Who's thinking of becoming a drug dealer here? No, but this is drug deal. What I want this afternoon with the fuck it It's expensive. Like like people complain about like the price of like At the dispensaries are like, oh, that's expensive for a gram But a hundred bucks 125 ounce for three and a half grams of cocaine is a fucking gift Really? Oh, I know people give you half eighth for 65 bucks. That's a gram in three quarters That's perfect. So you're you're really good at the metric system, huh? Who you

I have no idea what I figured out. I figured you figure see 20 30 years ago They were telling you in the school system already That in 10 years there was not going to be no more inch or gallons. It was all gonna go to metric You remember that that was the fear they were telling us that that it was going to they were threatened They tried it. Yeah. So when cocaine came along in the 80s, I go, oh, here it is. It's changing It's changing with drugs. It should quarter ounces eight half ounces half pounds Remember when you bought fireworks, they taught you how to remember what's a lot

What's a lot? Yeah 144 of them. Yeah. No, no a lot is like 124 like a a mat 12 by 12 Yeah, something like that 12144. Yeah 144 packs of it was crazy when you bought like firecrackers That's how you learn to do fucking math. All right Quickly on the run on the run, bitch as a criminal Sure, that's how I did my best fucking math. You gotta do math quick and your fucking head You call me up. You you corner me in a fucking bar on a Friday night And you're all coked up and you give me an a beat and then Ari's the coke dealer, but you don't know that You corner me at the bar

If fucking hurry opens his mouth, hurry or stab because you're my commission You're following me Not really So if you come into our corner me and Ari over here all are coked up right talking about devils and shit And you looking for me in Europe. Why can't I get some shit? Ari's not gonna raise his hand Because I'm your fucking man. So I'm gonna come you over Tell you to give me a hundred. Let me call the guy. Give me 10 minutes. Go to your car and wait the guy's right here I yeah, the guy's right in front of me. I'm just gonna tell you to go way outside

So I could take something out of the package I That's your profit. That's your fucking cut for bothering me cuck sucking But I'll never let him give it to you because the next time he gives it to you you're gonna say Jesus christ This is a lot better every time I get it from joey. I get a light package Every time I get it from you I get the full fucking amount here What's the matter dawg that bong had hit you then? Oh, yeah, my mind's gone Wandering this weed is tremendous dawg. Yeah, this is we ain't fucking around yet the church the lie

The church of when church of fucking death you want to start? We don't want these 125 hours. I don't need 125 won't you eat half of it. It's it's fucking tuesday night. We're gonna do your life What the fuck are you gonna do with your life? That's an excuse for every day of the week by the way, it's tuesday. It's the lord's the lord's brother's day Tuesday night You have to start we'll get out of here. We're gonna morning and get a steak and some fucking I definitely want to get some food at some point. Yeah There's a taco place down the corner. There's a fucking jersey mic I'll bet a thousand dollars you're going to end up in that taco place

And you're gonna be that too cocksucker. Yeah, but he said Morton's you always try to you always try to get us with a good one first We'll call Morton's but look at the shape You don't let us three fucking Feeds us of death in there and shit. Oh, I did when you were when you give us that give card last christmas We went I went in there at lunch time High as fuck and I was laughing in the in the waitress's face by yourself. No paul was there, but I was the only one high Sure We only had one three of them today. So this is light day

Like this look right now Yeah, I have two it's done together You don't even care. You guys just like the gummy We got time to care. I'm just hoping there's no force. I love these people do all this fucking investigative report before they Drive me crazy. It's the webmd. What the fuck just eat the thing It's columbia but eat half of it down. You don't eat the whole thing It's tuesday night. You don't want to get that fucked up. He's only got some appetite. So those tacos taste good. Yeah Yeah, that's more than I normally take

How much do you normally take 30 milligrams? That's perfect. Really take a piece 35 You're doing the spot to start the night. Great. Nope. How come I'm doing my show tomorrow. Okay Um, I don't know. I can't believe you get high off 30 milligrams Yeah That was what half those breast ships used to be it was 25 milligrams Breast ships were 50 right each one was 50. I don't fucking know They just tried to make a comeback, but each one was a hundred. No, so 50 milligrams is what I take Okay, 50 milligrams is my thing. That's still 30. I'm already risking. I'm not getting high

But then sometimes now I can get high off that it's 50 50 is my line Those breast ships were 100 back then Half of them were 50. That was like the dosage to get to get fucked up though And by the way, Joey Diaz also got fucked up back then off the same amounts. I know But I see the but the breast shirt used to stick together Everybody said put them in your wallet when you travel. You put them in your wallet There was three to a package. There was two to a pack. There was only ever always two to a pack So sometimes I think it was either two or three. It was for sure

It's never stopping to it always started at two It's it was three and two of them got stuck together You gotta you gotta fucking four leaf clover one time and you thought that's the way they were It's two. It's always been two. You want to just also bottom like eight packs at a time Yo, we're after what's happening there. He's like get however much this try to get me a deal as much as this is When the fucking whole thing started the best edibles were coming out of fucking kushmore Kushmore had a gummy bear Yeah, that was purple that came in a baggie that the baggie had like hash rolling it

Like if it cracked your fingers were slippery for a week like transmission blew it. Oh, it was worse They didn't know what they were doing And I don't know if we get eating one of those things and tripping on a flight to pitch burn And then they had a brownie that was 100 milligrams, but they didn't really know They were just killing people. They were a little bodega on fucking Off of hollywood. Oh my god, like not even on a main street. They weren't even kawanga years later They went to kawanga. They were the size of this league Really?

That was kushmore. I went to you took me by gower when I first went to kushmore. It was on gower Off a hollywood boulevard in those little huts. They just tore down on the way the sunset by your fucking favorite chicken plot Roscoe's right Roscoe's you went to yeah go north towards hollywood on the right hand side Gotcha, that's what kushmore was the little side Little they used to have acting studios and they had an acting teacher that I had to ev And he was dying But he would do that's honest knowledge

But he would do midnight thought he would meet me at 11 and coach me for 25 hours Really and dog. I want I got some fucking callbacks with that dude for big movies. He knew what he was doing nice They disappeared. What happened? What do you think happened to him with his aides? Do you think it's okay today? No, he's playing the piano at the intercontinental hotel on I've always been here Yeah, that was where the original kushmore was then they moved to a side street By where near yucca and and fucking Shredder and shit. They were right by there. They were there

Then they got fucking greedy and they bought the building on the corner Oh, yeah They bought the downstairs for the for the doctor for the doctor and upstairs for the weed swap Oh, you don't have your permit. Well, go get it right now. Go get a doctor. You'll be in a letter there They had it going on man. We've just changed when you go through hollywood now You're like, what the fuck are all these billboards billboards for we what we maps everywhere Yeah, we'd maps this everywhere, but it's also like It's like fine. So it's around so it's just a business now. So just fucking you know have it around

But no, it's they've they've thrown it in your face. Yeah, it's like John Gotti and fucking 85. They're throwing it right in your face So eventually my fear is that the the Sanctuary state and Trump's gonna fucking bust our balls. Oh, yeah, that'd be awful That's the fear my fear is if it gets so Over in your face that people just taste goes And it's gross fucking stop and they come down the pendulum swings because of that because they're too in the fucking Too much. Well, look what's happened to marijuana now It's like those vapes what 10 years ago. I fucking took my credit card and I spent $5,000 one month

At that weed store on Santa Monica. We used to go to yeah close to Was it by this comic store? Well, there was that one, but then there was another one close to the Fairfax and Santa Monica down there the original. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but they got way overpriced. Yes They were the pharmacy the pharmacy. Yeah, they were like what and you try their $70 eighths I'm like, what are you kidding me? Like it's great and you try like it's not it's like $50 eighths It's $50. What's Hollywood prices you're charging 70 for 60. I want something to kill me For 70 I've only had that be worth it like once or twice We I was walking out of there with 280 third. I was only 50 to 80 a day

What are you talking about? How is that even possible 315 a day? How much money you would put into it? Oh, he said 5,000 a month 5,000 a month. My wife made me pay That she took the card for me for three months. Oh my god Yeah, once he took credit cards, it was over. You cannot put 5,000. I was buying the ice cream The chocolate remember they had everything and Zalora's had this stuff. This was way before I had to do this one This still was like it was like okay. This was the fucking banana bread days. How much was each animal though? Before that way Lee unknown unknown Unknown it was cake

It was these are pretty strong. It was cake It was edibles and then they had a particular cookie for 15 bucks that lee would kill you So how he's been no no no no You're a place lit me and nick use of up once took a little hash cupcake just like that in one of those little tins You know for like parmesan cheese and shit Just that that that's how full it was and we ate it went the fucking clash of titans and both of us just on a row and Just walked away from the movie He caught me out there staring at a fucking somebody's name and hand prints

So that's our man's chinese peanut butter cup at the place that moved by Schrader What was that place called the one you took me to? The kushmark kushmark. Yeah, we went that kushmark and walked to man's chinese No, they didn't have they didn't really know what was going on back. It was like what they really didn't know about edibles And delicious, but they're like these are hash Hash that yeah, they were putting the hash they used to have these hash cookies lee Three cookies for 10 bucks. Listen to me. I was 418 pounds I couldn't walk fucking two minutes on the treadmill

And I was walk. So he decided to eat more cake. No, I would go left I went to weight watches and I would go to that treadmill at night and I would walk The weight on my knees was so bad. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know about ice on my knees then I didn't know nothing And one day I went to kushmark. I'm talking to the girl. She goes why are you limping? I go man do exercise on the bicycle She goes eat those hash cookies a bunch of old people been coming in here and getting those hash cookies They'll put you on a different planet. It was three cookies for 10 bucks at lee lee If you ate all three cookies

Jesus christ before you work out No, I would do it when I get home. Okay. That was the first edible that made me gummy There was two edibles that I was suspect about that one and the cookies from the pharmacy And years later somebody told me that the cookies from the pharmacy. They were putting xanax on them That's why you were getting so fucked up Oh, wow They put xanax in the pharmacy cookies. Yeah, this is what? This is 15 years ago

Something every time you wait that cookie from the pharmacy the house specialty cookie You got fucked up And years later they were putting they were putting something because people want to say like it always puts me out It's like a perfect. Yeah, these are really great cookies for you. Oh natural then from the then from the pharmacy You and I fucked around with the black chick by dukes Down there down sunset. Yes. Yeah, the black hot cute chicken the Bronx from yankers. Oh, yeah No, no, she was the brothers. Yeah, then they all went over the zen. Oh, right, right, and they all went over the zen Yeah, she was cool. She was beautiful. She was gracious. Her eyes were always red. She would always be stoned to the get

Oh, yeah, it's like it's like I was always like, hey, what are you on right now? What are you on right there? That's why I used to tell her you look she looks so happy. Yeah, you tell me that She used to have beautiful nails And she would tap on the glass the weed she'd have you go like one of you smokers She'd go right here, baby That's remember they used to have weed and vending machines. Yeah The joints and the grams were in the vending league. This had to be it's not with that time. They're over there This had to go eighths or better

2003 and they weren't dry. They were good There is and those days there was no the nose no the stuff in the animal No, some of the vending machines is great. No, no, they replace every day. They go through it every day every day I used to I was getting Lee. I was getting a huge. I was eating a chocolate bar every day Well, yeah, and in those days they didn't tell you the milligrams, but the chocolate was I didn't tell you the calories either. They're sharing it or something like how could you get through? Fuck you Fuck you sharing it

I would give a Oh, so you were no an eighth would be from there would be 90 an eighth would be 90 90 to 100 So that includes regular weed. Okay That place I never never liked that was a russian place. That place was never that good There was a russian place across the street from rouse with the hot-looking Natasha. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the russian chubby girl They let you in one at a time. They let you in the cage. Yeah, that place was great They had the anti-delora stuff first. They had the other guy stuff first. Both those brands were great And they also had obama 10 years ago. They had on sale prices. They had $30 a gram for obama. They won it back then

They had the on sale prices were like wednesday if you come in wednesday you get like everything half or whatever it is You know what they are now? Where? So it's that herbal Up the corner. They're not still there. No, they closed up. They were the same on this I want to get the peanuts the peanuts the koto stuff you guys eat them in front of people No one know what you were doing and then Lee after that We went to I used to go to a place by Justin Fortune's gym. It's still there if you go to Sierra Bonita and sunset. There's like a coffee shop, but there's a head shop It's down the corner from 7-eleven on curson. It has been there since you moved here, Ari

Really you have been in there to get papers at one time or another It's close to el compadre a block and a half up from el compadre. Yeah, they have a back room and the kid was a chef at that real popular restaurant on robertson and fucking like Wilshire or Santa Monica back when we moved here and something happened. He started messing around with edibles So he quit his chef job and he talked himself and that guy pete. It was big pete. He weighed like 600 pounds

M&p'd opened up a weed store. They had the girl that they just did a show on Real tv about a vietnamese girl that was growing grain a weed that was that broad He was getting the weed from her. She had a strainer weed that was tremendous Remember we shot those episodes. Did you ever shoot those episodes of the weed store with me and edmund san Juan and Felipe and no it was at that weed place But really to make a long story short on fucking tuesdays He would make fresh edibles every week He was a chef, Ari

and he had devised a way to put make like Italian ice edibles he made like uh cream de brulee edibles Yeah, he was the first he was fucking knocking it out of the park And that's when I used to go down there at 11. He'd give me like $15 worth of stuff for 10 bucks I'd eat it because I was such a gavel and I would go to acupuncture in those days 11 45 every tuesday and pass out Because I'd be so high from the edibles as soon as she put a needle in me I'd just fucking pass out really That was a great place and then once they went under

where did I go To kushmark. I stayed at kushmark for years. Yeah kushmark wasn't bad And then once I moved to the valley like the russians are like kushmark. I like zen a lot They were like my my hometown They were pricey, but they never had anything bad and then hit you a deal sometimes They're like what's like you taught me how to do I'd be like what's what's killing people these days? And they'd be like actually it's fucking 45 dollar We like move it jet juicy fruit one time and it was like it's getting great reports like all right give me any of that

And it was so good Sometimes you got to talk like this place up here The russians they had a girl that looked like a runaway. Yeah, and I'll bet you any amount of money this girl was a runaway She she wasn't good looking but she was very sweet And every time I went in there all the other girls were high you don't hold on the other way for For months. I would just go to go do me a favor Give me the best weed and she would come with some weed that looked kind of weird But I'd take it home and go whoo

And she just had a nose for it most girls They're tolerant to shit. Yeah, so you go in there you go in there They tell you this is the best stuff and you bring it home and you're like this doesn't do nothing to me Well, the girl weighs 90 pounds. She doesn't hit her the worst shit on the fucking Shouts you'll get hot But some of those girls are professionals You just got to pick them out like that little runaway chick that bitch was a reef of professional track I would go in there and she'd go hold on. I got something for you

And sometimes it looked a little questionable, but I never said a word. I always bought an 8th And sure enough the next day And you have those you find if you go to the same weed store Yeah, and you build a relationship at the time and they watch you like years ago. Oh, you'd like this con You always like that. Yeah, it's that Maui. Wow. This does sort of the same thing. But yeah, the best weed from Kushmore what they were known for was mats. Oh gee the mats number one. Oh gee That's what they were known for. Yes. If you smoke that all the time your tolerance is going to be up there Those are the ones mats number one. Oh, and third eye third eye was like that's when everything else was

90 dollars Third eye was 50 And third eye the first time I bought a bag of third eye. I didn't know what was going on. I couldn't breathe You know, there's just certain brands that come along to these weed stops these weed stores that they buy eight pounds of And they don't know the guy they the guy came in and you know what he undersold them on it There was a shitty price, you know, the guy just wanted a bail But the weed turns out to be superb. Yeah, we're the I don't judge a lot of the weed I still ask him about third eye. He still talks about the fucking trip he had on that

No, no, no that weed was and it never came back again My it didn't and the favor was like people actually like is it sativa indica and you were you were like, yeah, it'll get you to all those places Like it's not even like that. It'll take you everywhere Listen, man. Yeah, you don't know that third eye was so good I like the mats the mats was around more the hybrids have to have a dominant dominant whatever The indica has to be the hybrids have to be indica dominant for me to really enjoy him Sativas they're sativas that I smoke and nothing happens

But they're sativas that I smoke and they get me I just have to hunt them out And sometimes it's by smell. It used to be new york diesel New york sour diesel. Okay, that's sour diesel when people had an abundance But then people started renaming and then I lost The original strength. Yeah, I just bought sour diesel a couple weeks where I gave it to somebody I like sativas if you love certain strands I'm not that into sour diesel like why I never liked sour diesel that much. There's something like headband

I like my wowie. Oh, uh, like why didn't you buy matto g seeds? Like why didn't you do something like that? Why don't you buy fucking stocks and cows? I don't know where I'm gonna grow it to you Does he look like johnny grover to you? He could if you strike an image in your head of johnny grover, right? You picture that guy. Yes, you know what he does what his like houses looks like johnny grover. Yeah, okay You ready right open your eyes and look at joey ds. You tell me does that look like that? Johnny grow it to you. He's like johnny overseer. What's the what's like the what's the boss? Let me explain something you leave first off. He's not johnny grower when you grow when you grow marijuana That's a full-time thing experiment times. You got to get somebody who knows

It's a lot of effort cost money. I'm not just keep keep it in your freezer for an old Or you can just be like this. Oh, okay. Do you mean to buy a lot or grow it? What are you saying? Well, no, just to like just to keep it grow it gets seeds and fucking grow it yourself At a later date, maybe not then but just like knowing what you know now. No, I don't I still wouldn't fucking grow it I look like johnny grow it to you I've heard people I would have put someone in touch with a grower and be like yeah, get that seed too Because it's a great seed and give me a percentage. Yeah, like I got some talk about it for years I got some afghani seeds like you want to rare, but I don't have time to fuck

This weed is like the ring of gondola. You know how many times I sprinkle seeds on dust And over a year later came by and there was pop plants, but there was nothing. There was no buds There was nothing. It's just like, I don't know what the fuck i'm doing You got to put hydrogen in there and and feed the stuff and who the fuck I got time at 54 to learn a homo thing. I'm gonna learn some I learned by the guitar You're not gonna do that I was thinking about the other day learning to play the guitar thinking about it. You should do it You know what man? I really enjoy going to jitsu and writing right now. I really like writing

Yeah, but maybe after jitsu class you tell all the guys like hey, guys sit around play a song for you guys I'll hug that. You had a you had a nice tough time working out. Take a load off. Fuck that take a load off Play for them right there. I'm gonna play the fuck you beat away He could do it once you finish the book. No, no, no, no, no Hey guys, you know me as Joey Diaz. But today i'm johnny ukulele Hit it and then maybe you get somebody else who plays like a sexy ukulele player. He holds his own No, he's there. It's in the picture people have to talk about. I'm gonna talk about who the fuck Stereo that like the sports heroes was a badminton player. There was Jack Purcell wasn't was a top-level badminton player

I did not know. I mean, I know that guy's name How big did you have to get as a badminton player that I know your name 50 years later? I Don't think they still make Jack Purcells. They do maybe Jack Purcells for sure. I've seen him Nobody knows who the fuck Jack. I didn't know who he was not today. Yeah, but I know I've seen the shoe. I didn't know what that meant For sure I want to buy another pair of chucks right now. I Think they wouldn't I haven't had chucks in years really, but I don't think they would work out for me now No, no comfort. Yeah, no, but a fucking thing in there New balance sells one of those companies sells a great fucking thing for your shoes. I had them

I gotta get a new pair of those That's all I wear if I walk now. I gotta win new balance if I fucking dress on stage I don't wear my penis, but I got taste. I might do two shows My fucking Achilles tendon hurts the next morning my bursitis starts coming soon. Miss Pat said about Charlottesville What she goes relax white people nobody's trying to replace you who else would buy a new balance We wide feet I can't help it. I don't know. Yeah, we have white feet I don't get that There's no black people buy new balance. Well, that's right. Yeah, I just got that

See I'm so happy we fucked the smoke some reef at least I always have you so what are we doing tomorrow? We're doing shows a show about what schools schools and what's the name of the show? Back to school our issue here is renamed storytelling show, but no, you're not supposed to tell you by the line of some surprise There's a fuck that's fine. I want a surprise. I wait on fucking 12 again. Okay, fair enough fuck's wrong with your surprise What are we talking about schools? What are you talking about think about what this is gonna come out before this that do the thing When are you gonna put this out? Whatever you want tomorrow afternoon. What are you trying to play this out?

Well, they're like, whatever. Well, they'll do it afterwards. Sure. Whatever Let's just do it after Wednesday or Wednesday night put it out Wednesday at eight. You're fine. Yeah, we'll be fine I'm gonna probably talk about it's like doing I was in school not lying for like a while trying to not lie for a week See if I could do it. I had these dumb challenges over do it for myself when you were in school Yeah, grandma school high school college college. Yeah, let's see if I couldn't lie for a week. Now. You're a therapist Yeah, all four years. Nope first year. Yes, Shiva University Yeah, she was yeah, and then you transfer this and I try I lost my religion boom gotta go there's a waste of money now Let's go to state school. You lost your religion. Yeah, like R. E. M. Like R. E. M. Yeah, yeah

When you lost your religion, what's your parents say to you not happy about it? Not happy about it. Is that that scene in rounders? What when he told him he was gonna be a gambler when he told me He needed the money and he gave the money and it was before you give you the money Let me tell you a story. I went through the she-va, but I didn't want to do it. Oh Yeah, you forgot about that. They forgot about that. See if they got it online rounders Matt Damond What was that he just died that actor he just Martin Landau who the fuck do you think you're dealing with I

Used to I was a fan of Martin Landau since I was a kid. It was a mission impossible So what should I well rounders and what's I put arounders? Landon yes, I did and what's his fucking name? What's a guy's name in that movie Matt Damon Oh Fucking people think I don't know what I'm doing here. No, I know lines of movies destiny While Lee finds it. Let me fucking give you a that one destiny chooses us destiny chooses us while real real quick Let me give you a quick shout out quick shout outs Ricky Bobby Andrew Joseph O'Cocky

Chango bust 26 Mike Ray back Trill Chico 14 Jamie Foxton Chris 10th and my man Jacob Rodgers, you know your uncle Joey loves your cock suckers You never saw this Lee? No, I haven't this is what I'm talking about about this play okay, I Love a Christ Pride of my yeshiva

The eldest that I had a 40 year old's understanding of the midrash by the time I was 12 But by the time I was 13 I knew I could never be a rabbi Why not because all I understood of the Talmud Never saw God there Couldn't lie to yourself. I tried tried my crazy I mean people were counting on

Yours isn't a respectable profession My parents were destroyed devastated by my decision My father sent me away to New York To live with distant cousins Eventually, I found my place my life's work What then? Merced myself fully I studied the minutiae I learned everything I could about the law I mean I felt deeply inside that it was what I was born to do

He's so fucking good my land out of this get over it I always hoped that I would find some way to change their minds, but They're inconsolable My father never spoke to me again Damn, bro All school Jews. Oh You'd better do it all over again Would you make the same choices?

You're my choice The last thing I took away from the Ashiva's is We can't run from who we are Our destiny chooses us God damn that's what I'm talking about though Well, you never really saw that movie about polka you want to be Johnny polka Rounders Johnny polka you never saw rounders. No rounders is good. The woman in it is quite annoying The blood of brunette. She's a little blonde blonde. Yeah, the blonde. She's awful. Every time she's on screen

I want to just like fast-forward in the movie theater. She was a cutie for a while. Yeah, but that's all she had this was just so annoying You know, she was a downer the whole time. No, she was in Donnie Brasco Really? She was like an extra but she had a part that was her first movie. I didn't give her a line They probably cut the line out fucking movie I got a piss so cool. You don't play polka no more. It's been a while I got to get back into it if I was here more I'd play more when you went over seas nothing no polka places no casinos No, I did some gambling on this weird bingo type game at a market in East Timor

Yeah, it's just weird to put money in a number. I figured it out how they put a play I didn't like solve it or anything, but I figure out and they spin a die I hit like five to one my first and then I was planning on house money. They're all staring at the fucking white guy. I Just came across it's like I left in the morning once and I came across like a You know just like a once a week market and they're all just fucking playing that for extra cash Hell yeah, remember that they were all like fucking white guy one five to one You really getting into the poker for a while. Oh, yeah, I would wait for tournaments and life got in the way. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I've gets in the way. It's like

My little hobby no nobody knew who you were you just go get high. Yeah, I would get high at every single break in a tournament I've mostly played tournaments Every two hours to 10 minute break and I would like they're like I'm break fucking run to my car Just immediately smoke the matter I was perfect for that. I could feed people souls if I was on that matter Wowie and just go Just for like eight and a half minutes hear the alarm and then just run back in breathing out the whole way Set right back down at my seat and then just fucking see through people All in time. No, I'm good call. Yeah, I know what you have

It's nine. He's ten. Like yeah, I was pretty close. I got you. How long did you play for? What's so long this tournament you seven till like 3 a.m. 8 9 10 11? Oh, you don't know overnight No, I did overnight. I did I I cashed a World Series event once and you had to come back the next day And then another time to in Hollywood Park in those qualifiers in some places. It was like poker month It was uh, no, it was at Commerce and I I went the next day and then I was Short-stacked. I think they changed the tournament time when I thought I was our overslept So they were fucking chipping me down without me being there and I ran in and I sat down and fucking Bruce Buffer

Michael Buffer is it the next table and he's like, hey, are you doing I'm fucking playing in a hand And I lost concentration and I just fucking Made a dumb move and dumped off the rest of my tree came over with the fucking I'm in the middle of a fucking at the final. Just let me alone man final table not now Have you ever got a play back to play no, I've never went over there. Yes, I think they play for like actual money Yeah, that was money. I got like 200 bucks to play for a tournament if I win bring your drinks They like you cigars. Yeah music. They got food. I heard I just I'm not a poker I'm not a card player. I like sitting there and then just most of the hands just fold

So you just sit there and like think about stuff The fuck do you think about you're playing cards? Yeah, but then you're just out of a hand for like four and a half five minutes You can eat right then or you just like to think about shit Wasn't headphones so relaxing I always start if I'm so relaxing and nerve-wracking. Yeah, you get big hands I know your heart would beat but dude I played with Jerry bus I played tournaments with Jerry bus But people who had way more money than me, but you all buy in for the same amount and You're when you're out. You're out. So it's an equalizer 225

Plus dumb $50 goddamn add-ons for no reason And then it's like we're all equal you bust you're out So it doesn't matter how much money you got at home. Are you on the Lakers? I had nothing. We're both gonna try to go far in here Yeah, it was great such an equalizer Now when you those were fought on you play poker that was it no blackjack. No, no fucking Baccarat No, why the odds are against you? You don't get a fucking drunk Mexican on payday coming in to change the odds significantly in your favor

You don't get that like you do at the fucking hundred dollar limb no limit tables. Oh Those are good. You get one of those on payday dumb like how come you guys are leaving the limit How come you guys are all winning and we're not you guys talking to each other? No, man I just sat down with this guy. I have no idea what you're talking about Well, why is all the money over there? Why are you playing fucking jack seven so much? What the fuck is wrong with you, bro? You're bad They're just drunk. They feel on top of the world. Whoa ship it ship it Every time you lost a hand it'd be investment in your future because they fucking oh see, I know I can beat this guy

That's right. You can oh you catch those magical paydays on Friday night nights We go down after the comedy store go to it 2 a.m. I left my comic go 2 a.m. Come back at like, you know, especially if it's on a weekend You don't have to worry about traffic we get to the point where it's like cap Rolo would be like We got to leave now if we're gonna leave to be traffic or we're here for another five or six hours because we're not gonna drive back at eight So it's either leave it six or leave it ten And it's like let's keep going. I'm open. Let's keep going and we just go until ten who gave a shit Me cap Bernzei see we'd all go down

It was great and then eventually it was just me They all stopped Lawrence would go a lot we play tournaments a lot Give signals to each other You tap each other's foot is trying to tell each other if we had ace king aces or kings and we want to go to Vegas Yeah, once everyone's the world series. Yeah, he cashed in a tournament to how much you make I don't know you make it like if you just cash it's so big. It's really like it's a fifteen hundred dollar tournament You'll probably make like twenty two hundred

You know just the cash, but then if you wait another hour now 3500 oh and a whole group of people go out there It pays off like place like 250 through like, you know 185 pays the same So it's just like it starts going and you start raising up and there if you're smart if you just slow down slow down You know, you don't have to make big moves play real hands You have that's what I say and then you just go up go up go up and money until now you're down like three tables Like all right now. It's fucking per place You know

Now I can try to like make some moves and get ahead But just outlast a bunch of the fucking suckers who get nervous on day two who talk to fucking buffer and fucking get distracted Wait for those fucking suckers to go out. God. I should have done better in that You know, it wasn't there on time still haunts you still haunts me You gonna make it come back to poker. Yeah, fuck yeah, I just got excited about it. See Yeah, man, those things are so fun I would go Sunday and it's like if I got out of there I'd they play seven o'clock tournaments or was it four o'clock tournaments at hustler

Hustler are the best long tournaments because you really had to like buy your time It wasn't like a quick go-go all-in shove fest But if I was out by 11 heads at the comedy store go up on potluck if I wasn't out by 11 I'm just there. I'm in the money. You know, I mean, I'm fine. I'll take Sunday off Yeah, those would end like two one or two God those were fun So if you know poker and those those played up just off I had a credit card I would take money off the credit card put it back on I would keep money at hustler casino

So I'm like, I need 200 out of my tail when you're one big is like I might be taking this with me You guys keep it. I'll sign out Great. What was your question? So but if you know poker, yeah, so the those drunk you guys barely did I was only better than bad people Yeah, but they're not gonna ruin your night by like hitting on an extra. Oh, no, they will end up ruining your night Because you're like fuck. Fuck. They got me. Sometimes they'll get you. They'll just go all in on anything just for the fucking fun of it So you just wait pick up like real hands Oh

And then they win they beat you on a hand we were down to like you don't really go below five people But you go up to nine below five. Nobody gives a jackpot. So for some reason no one wants to play but like It was one guy sitting on one side and then it ended up being four people over here like up like here With one guy alone and that guy was just a drunk dude in a suit he just kept like Call somebody like race three he'd be like all in with like a hundred on top And you just wait and if you had a hand you're like, yeah call and he'd have like, you know 10-6

You'd have pocket jacks and ace king You're like, I'll do that and then every once in a while he'd hit and you're like, fuck it fine, whatever That money's still coming this way. We would just split up his money It was like, hey, nobody's fighting each other. We don't know each other, but we're all taking that guy until he's dry Oh, those are tip the scales in your favor so much when you saw that What do you got tonight? Instead to go down there. Yeah, go down take a round. I'll go down smoke a little buddy whiskey Eat a little bit more of the star later. You're gonna have about 11 o'clock. No, no tournament. Oh, yeah, but I could play the hundred

Yeah, hollywood parks closed They're building there, but hustlers open and commerce is the price commerce is the place and commerce got chinese commerce has bimbop They have good korean Bimbop at at uh at commerce is legitimately good. Lawrence will attest to that too. What's the big bop the sandwich bimbop? No, it's just weird salad with rice egg kimchi And then you just like you eat it a little separate a little bit and hot stuff and you just then you mix it all

So good. It's the recipes to a tremendous fort kimchi and egg The shit that comes out of your asshole seaweed in there. There's seaweed. You might as well go to the garlic restaurant Eat one of those whole garlic bowls That first fucking shit is collogulated What's going on with you, what's next dog? Uh, I go back to new york. All right Uh, I start my tour finally in 2018. When do you start your call?

I'm gonna do some storytelling show in denver. All right get five guys um And then uh, and then I go to the wilbur and foxwoods and do like an east coast run You know should be cool to go back on the road doing that joker's cruise. That'll be cool What is your joker's cruise? What is it? When? Oh first week in november Oh, that's right. You've been you've been going. That's no I never went. I'm going to you've been going You tell me about it. Seems like fun. Everyone just hanging out on the cruise ship before no No

Last ship my people were on was the one who was sent back Maybe I'll fuck this game if you go on the cruise ship. I went on the disney cruise Boom parts of the caribbean. I've been on that. That was the back house. I don't know disney cruise. Wait. What's the disney cruise go? Uh, we're going to like disney's they like an island in the caribbean. Oh for real cruise. Yeah, no, it's a real cruise How old are you? 12 I guess were you happy? I guess yeah, it was pretty cool. It's pretty cool for kids We went for the uh, that sounds awesome. Whatever it was

The millennium Are you spraying that from your own fart? Ha ha ha I didn't leave that open. I didn't fart. I'm just praying. What do you mean you didn't fart? You did it off the top of your chair. That was a couple of them. That was an hour ago. Yeah, but it sticks around No, I don't like this is this is a good fucking night. Relax. All right. Nobody smelled nobody even smelled the original fucking odor What are you talking about? Nobody's when I dropped that fucking egg before nobody even sniffed it Nobody knew what was going on. Nobody knew what was happening. Stop exaggerating cocksucker. Who's exaggerating?

You are you're saying that it smells like farts in here. No, I didn't say I didn't say nothing You're the one who sprayed for breeze. I sprayed for breeze just to you know, give a little fucking air in here Sometimes you gotta you got to air out the fucking room. Don't forget people You're looking to get healthy. You're looking for supplements. You don't know what to do. Do me a favor Go to holly.com right now Between the alpha brain the shroom tech sport the shroom tech immune the mct oil, I mean it it just They're cutting edge. They're innovative and you know what they're healthy for you. It's tremendous stuff

That hem force protein, whether it's the chocolate or the acai vanilla They'll put a fucking hem in your skirt. You understand me. They got club bells. They got they got kettle bells They got What do they got now? They got the new iron man or something like that in the mace And they have the star wars the star wars fucking kettle bells You could you could throw them up in the air 55,000 times. Listen Go to honnet.com right now pressing church. I tell you what I'm gonna do I'm gonna give you 10 percent off your order to live it to your house. All right

You try that fucking alpha brain if it ain't all that what we say it is You tell them some what it does for you. We don't even want the product back We'll send you the money alpha brain opens up your mind. It's a bunch of new tropics and whatnot Which I don't understand there was a do for you show Rogan's world, you know what man? It makes you more focused and it makes you think a little bit clearer And you have to you know take them for 60 days, you know, it's a great little thing for the fucking money start thinking better Yeah, you start thinking better. Maybe you're a little cloudy. Maybe got hit in the head a few times You smoke too much weed and you smoke too much weed. There's always a fucking dilemma

Besides that that's it. I wish you feel you know now. All right, so Rasha. What's in December? December Hanukkah probably yeah, but now all these holidays shift back and forth So we have Sukkis in between Yom Kippur and Hanukkah. You got Sukkis Sukkot In uh This year first week of october, which is very early sometimes it'll go to like Thanksgiving reform people don't do those Reform people don't do well. You got to build a hut. Well, no, we have them To commemorate being in the desert and staying I guess in hot when they have hot you build the hut

You're back porch if you have like suburbs if you have the you build the hut Yeah, for sure Did you stay back there tarp around it? You wanted to try to sleep in there one night if you got too cold rainy just get out of there Nothing you can do, but it's just palm leaves over the top as the roof. So you have to be able to see the stars do it It's great, but it was too warm. Then you get bees Actually, maybe october 4th is like in the middle hilarious

Yeah, bees and then you have Hanukkah commemorates reclaiming the temple driving the fucking Romans out the little fucking Jewish army driving the Romans out The little macabees guerrilla warfare guerrilla radio Um Um, how long is Hanukkah 10 days eight days, but you can do any there's no that's not a holiday where there's stuff You can't you can't there's no day where you can't turn it on off lights Hanukkah doesn't have any of those. It's just all there's no Shabbat. There's no Shabbat. There's no special like holiday Shabbat for Hanukkah You still got Shabbat when it's Shabbat

Saturday still Shabbat on Hanukkah. Well, you can do the lights. No not on Shabbat Okay, but on Russia Shanna Even if Russian falls on Tuesday and Wednesday like those are like Shabbats Gotcha, so you can't turn off lights Saturday or Tuesday or Wednesday depending on when it falls out Yom Kippur can never fall out on Shabbat because it's too sad for a good hot a good weekly fun time Now Shabbat is in September. Shabbat is that is Sabbath. How come they do Shabbat the festival now is it that's Shabbat? Shabbat whatever that's well, it's a different thing. That's an organization Okay, Shabbat is this just means Sabbath. They have a head rehab for drugs Shabbat. Shabbat. Yeah, Russia or some shit

Because I did a thing for them and they showed they gave me the paperwork of what services they provided Oh, really? Yeah, they do good stuff. Yeah, they do great stuff over there. They stink, but they're good people Do they have some cake too? Yeah, because especially in the summertime those they don't wash the too expensive to wash those things all the time They're heavy And so they fucking sweating up and they stink that black suit the black suit man in august hands up by itself, dog Those pants stand up by themselves those fucking things. What about the ones with like the four hats? How what do those smell like? Oh, they'll smell like dumpster garbage mixed with the spirit

They smell like but on the baseball app for a week and they agree with And take that hat off and sniff it on saturday and it ain't like they have squeaky clean hair to begin with that's dandruff ridden hair Smells like tow cheese their head smells like tow cheese I Wonder what you have to do to get the smell out of it Or do you just buy a new hat and shoot yourself? Yeah, and they bury you with that suit No, you don't get a new hat. I guess you got it cleaned. I guess you got it professionally cleaned

Wow, what a fucking extra expense So you ready for football season? I know you're okay. Was it one and oh They beat the giants. Yeah, they'd be a huge game huge game score 19 to three dominated them Dominated 35 minutes 25 minutes to get a time position. Dak played well Zeke played well Hopefully he's not gonna get suspended because they're gonna call the person who interviewed the woman who said does nothing happen here They refused to call that so they have to go to court now now the nfl all they do is say Listen, if you're gonna get down on us for not punishing people enough every time it's public

We're just gonna push people punish people as hard as we can and then if the courts want to reverse it Then that's on them, but technically we did our part. So let's just fucking punish people without any sort of proof Who knows that's what i'm reading So hopefully he's back for the road, but not only is it a win. It's a giants loss. They're our chief competitor limit filly You learn something new every day I think I had decent hopes for this season for the first time maybe ever After that win and zeke doesn't get banned. I got high hopes for this season. They do this to me every year every year

I was in fucking me and mar watching updates of the green bay playoff game Finding a wi-fi somewhere and just being there in the fucking with a with a blanket over me so cold in the hill It's just refreshing every 30 seconds to look for like what the next play is I mean, he had them in the damn bay league best player on the quarterback hit that fucking field going like Start up and then remember right back for another fuck They always let me down fucking giant thing. No cowboy cowboy whatever the fuck. Yeah, but they always let me down They always let me down. What are you gonna do like 20 plus years? Yeah, what was the last time cowboys won? It's the 90s, man

It's the 90s. They weren't 93. That's when they won a playoff game No, no, they won one playoff game now. Yeah 93 and then that was it Well, leon let he did something that was such a ball. Yeah, but it was gonna blow out wind Are you fucking idiot people booked it something was wrong with that if you could have made a record for most points Ever scored this rule boogie people fucking. Oh, yeah, they over on there. Maybe it ruined the last time they won 93 Did they win any in the 80s? Yeah, yeah, they might have won one that 70s was their year two 70s was doing just behind pittsburgh But that's a history shit. I didn't know that

I I followed them in like the fucking shitty like 90s where they won one game Those are bad Those were they were terrible and then they got this guy herschel walker And they didn't build a team around them They made an amazing trade to the minnesota vikings And they pretty much took half the vikings franchise First round picks the next few years second round picks every other year third round picks every other year Just this massive thing plus all these players for this guy who was a usfl number one guy

Went for 2000s for yards in usfl. He was great herschel walker could catch and could run out of the backfield. He was great But the cowboys just built a franchise off that as before free agency. So you had who you had and they drafted all these great players And they got all these great players they keep anybody they want and they just built this team leon led emet smith They had all these great players michael ervin and they weren't going anywhere These are all hall of famers and they were just there or they get somebody through a trade after that But they built their franchise on that herschel walker trade and then they were good Jerry johnson came in

He was great. Remember when we bumped into herschel walker at the fucking game. I said to you watch. He's gonna say hello to me Oh, yeah at the ufc because I knew him from the fucking usfl. Wow God Well, my brother's time to get the fuck out of here. We got shit to do and people to see we're gonna eat We're gonna go to The taco place and get some carnita tacos Dude, this if you're gonna be there in the in the fucking november, listen, I gotta show you this one pastrami Done. Okay. Where is it? It's by me. It's not too much. It's not cats is it's by right by me

And it's just like so succulent and good and it's not like a giant sandwich. It's just a fucking normal good sandwich But it's got a little it's a bit of crowd on there. They make it their way harry and itis We'll go there and then we'll go to fucking do the story till it's show on thursday night Yeah, how's that for you? Where are you at this weekend? I think date you want to plug where you're here this weekend? No, I got nothing Oh, we announced the all things comedy festival last week of uh of october in in phoenix So it's the 25th through about the 30th or 29th in phoenix look for tickets right now. I don't know google it I don't know what the official website is but google it and get tickets. There's a bunch of fucking podcast going on out there

Bird's gonna be out there. I'm gonna be out there. I don't know who else Benson to Benson. I think burr Burr is gonna be there. Yeah, a couple people would be out there just podcast festival all things comedy Yeah, that's it. I guess that's the only one Me I'll be at the Cherokee casino in fucking salamom springs this weekend. I'm spring west salam springs This saturday night Nine o'clock and then two years down. I'll be at the pittsburgh motherfucking improv September 27 28 and 29 something like that. I don't know go to fucking improv comm And get your dates. All right people always a pleasure when aria shafir comes on

Uh, you know lisa. I had still looking handsome and never And handsome and never handsome of the never that's what I meant to fucking say all right Right away people want to correct my english Anyway, let me talk to you about something here for 35 years ever since we started this podcast People have been asking us for advice, especially football advice. Really every fucking week, especially when it comes to the pages to cowboys the You know the browns whatever Let me tell you this where you're betting at is just as important or who you're betting on

So that's why I always tell people to go to my bookie dot ag I gave you the advice home underdog by more than seven. Would you stop with that already? My boogie isn't in business for years and their rep is rock solid They do 100 cash bonuses So off the bat you're making money for doing nothing the browns this week I told you they were gonna cover over seven point underdogs at home. What did I do? They lost by three and they have the fastest payouts Seriously, just two business days after you win you collect. It's that easy. You know who's gonna win, right? Lay down some cash and win big today

I would only recommend the service to you people that's been good to me or my friends and that's what they've been That's why i'm urging you If you're gonna put a fucking bet in this year Go with my boogie dot ag. This is the way to go. You know why you win. They pay. It's that easy You don't have to sit there wait till fucking thursday doomsday now You win monday night football bam wednesday you pick up your little fucking envelope They have in-game live betting the most rewarding player perks in the business

An all-new mobile site that makes wagering on the go a breeze So do me a favor, right? Like I said, why have a winner if you're gonna bet it with a lot and then you don't pay your money And he's got a story. He lost himself. Never had a way to the pay boom Join my boogie and we'll match your deposit up to a hundred percent bonus on your first deposit up to a thousand dollars You can't beat that use promo code. What if you if you put in $850 they will give you an extra $850 to play with That's how i'm understanding is that correctly

I said it's up to that so they there might see me some levels depending on it So it's up to a hundred percent up to a hundred percent. So use promo code church chur ch to activate the offer Visit my boogie dot ag today use promo code Church today you play you win you get paid. This is your week people This is your lucky week. Look at the odds go to my boogie dot ag right now And let's get this party started. I don't want no fucking odds, all right I already know who's gonna win. I'll see you motherfuckers next week

I'll see you other cocksuckers over in chilo on springs at Cherokee Indian casino Where's that? You know where it is in Oklahoma. Don't play stupid, all right go hiking afterwards. Sure And stay kind of fucking cactus. I'm not going nowhere. Yeah Leave me the fuck alone put some music on leave tell us that hi. I love you brother. Thanks for coming on I give it being a gentleman. Yeah, you know i'm a gentleman. That's right. What are you gonna play now? Eat the rest of that star You Oh

Oh Now you do what they told you now you do what they told you Now you do what they told you Now you do what they told you Now you do what they told you now you do what they told you And I'll get to what they told ya And I'll get to what they told ya

And I'll get to what they told ya And I'll get to what they told ya And I'll get to what they told ya Don't you die, I'm just a fight Forever in your bed, take your clothes and wipe Don't justify, don't deny Forever in your bed, take your clothes and wipe Don't you die, I'm just a fight

Forever in your bed, take your clothes and wipe Don't justify, don't deny Forever in your bed, take your clothes and wipe Some of those at work, forces Are the same at bar across Some of those at work, forces Are the same at bar across Some of those at work, forces

Are the same at bar cross Some of those at work forces Are the same at bar across Kill me in the name of Kill me in the name of Now you do what they told ya Now you do what they told ya Now you do what they told ya

Now you do what they told ya Now you do what they told ya Now you do what they told ya Now you do what they told ya Now you do what they told ya Now you do what they told ya Now you do what they told ya Now you do what they told ya

Now you do what they told ya transition Quarrel you can be you're justified still i'm still

The red and the bad can get stroked in white You're just a fine fool to die The red and the bad can get stroked in white Come on Fuck you, I won't do what you're telling Fuck you, I won't do what you're telling Fuck you, I won't do what you're telling Motherfucker

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