Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #521 - Nick Turturro

Episode Date: October 3, 2017

Nick Turturro, Actor seen in films and TV such as "The Longest Yard" and "NYPD Blue," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Five Four Club - Go To Fivefourclub.com and use Promo code JOEY for 50% of your first month's package plus a free pair of sunglasses.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.     Recorded live on 10/02/2017.
        

Greetings podcast, Bill. Uncle Joey here, the church of what's happening now, coming to you and brought to you by Onit.com. Listen, for all your supplemental needs, Onit is the way to go. Just run down here from Shroom Tech to Hemforce Protein Shake. It's going to make you feel tremendous. Go to Onit.com right now and press in church and get 10% off. Also, let me explain something to you. Throw out the stigma that being well-dressed will cost you a fortune, all right? Because at the 5-4 Club, they found a way to make great-looking clothes affordable for everybody. Chris Paul, Mark Wahlberg used the 5-4 Club and the 5-4 Club has been featured in GQ, Vice and Insta. Joey, what's the 4-5 Club?

You got $120 worth of clothes for just $60 a month, all right? Let's do this. Before we even get the party started, go to 5-4Club.com right now and at the promo code JOY and they're going to give you 50% off your first month package plus a free pair of sunglasses. You know what I'm saying? You're going to look like Joe Mamalook from 148th Street. That's 50% off your first package at the 5-4 Club. Spelled, F-I-V-E-F-O-U-R. Club.com. Promo code JOY. 5-4Club.com. Promo code JOY. Hit it, Lee. Tuesday, October 3rd. I want to see nothing but assholes and elbows this week. We ain't fucking around no more. It's a different fucking planet. We got to rise up, cock-suckers.

That's why the church is here for you. What do you know about this? You're sitting there thinking, what the fuck, Joey? That's right, motherfucker. Straight out of Philly, all the notes. 1981, throwing fucking heat. It's the whole side. Oh, shit. Get those shoulders bumping. It's early morning, cock-suckers. Do your thing. Are you kidding me or what? We're kicking this fucking mule early here, October 2nd, throwing fucking heat on you on a Monday night. My brother, Nick Tatoros on here, shows up with a pizza and blue cheese pizza dough rolls, something Gentiles would fucking, these fucking

kids would pay an extra six bucks from Pizza Pizza to get those things delivered. They get that Staminke shit. What's they delivered to you? Fresh mozzarella sticks with a pizza. You can't shit for a fucking week. You're contemplated. You might as well eat 20 fucking And get some bombs. These are bombs. These will clog up your little muffler. What's happened? Beautiful people. Uncle Nick is here. Before we even start this, our heart goes out to the victims in Las Vegas. It's a different fucking world out there. And thank God we have each other. But a way to wake up on a Monday morning, I could say it's a beautiful day to be 10 fucking times today and nothing made a difference. By 10 o'clock I went to

write and I couldn't even write. Thank God fucking Bert Kreischer showed up and I talked to him until about 10 to 11 and then finally I got, what am I going to do? Sit here and think about, you know, going to a show or going to a football game and getting fucking shot now in this day and age. Yeah. So I finally went to Jiu-Jitsu and that was great for an hour when I got home and then tonight I watched World News tonight. And at one point I just started crying. I mean, these people were all 23, 24, 27, the chick was 35 with three kids at home. You know, I mean, to be standing outside and to be fucking targeted like that. I mean, there was nowhere to go. The guy, they were all like John F. Kennedy's poor fucking

people. That's what they were. They were John F. Kennedy's. They were trapped in there and this was a fucking other. So my heart goes out to you people and the people listening. I know today was a hard day for you guys too. It's a crazy world, ain't it? I was just talking a couple of weeks ago with a guy and we were arguing about, you know, I said the world today is nothing like when I grew up. Not that it was perfect in the 70s and the 80s, but you know, you didn't, you didn't see this kind of shit that's become like the norm the last 10, 15 years and these mass killings and children and just people that are at a concert at a movie and you get massacred, you get blown away. I mean, he's world technology

and we're curing things. I don't give a shit. It's a, it's really a world that's become like a video game and it's a shame because, you know, people's lives can be like snuffed out in a second. I, I just can't understand the mindset of, of the maniacs that do this. They inflict so much and then they blow themselves up at 64 years. Oh, he doesn't fit the profile. Well, obviously you didn't know the fucking guy. There's no profile anymore. What profile? Right. I mean, how do you know who the guy next to you? I mean, today you're not safe anywhere, anywhere. And, um, I know it's just sad. I mean, I'm not a gun guy either. That's why I don't like guns, period. He had 18 guns here. He had 19 guns over there. I don't know

what the answer is anymore. How the fuck did he get these guns? And this is why he passed the, he passed the, the whatever it is, the, the checks. The checks. Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm not talking about the guns. What I'm trying to say to you people is, what do I tell everybody all the time? For the love of Christ, put that fucking phone in your pocket. For the love of Christ, when you're walking, you have to pay attention. I want you to walk around like this is the Bronx and any of these people could mug you. I don't give a fuck if you're in a church because that's how you have to walk now. You

have to watch and look. You have to live like you're selling drugs now. That's how you have to live when you walk into a room. Before you take a seat, you have to fucking sit next to an exit and sit with your fucking door, your face at the fucking door and you have to know where the other doors are when you sit down. And if there ain't no other doors, you know what? Get up and go to the bathroom and see if there's a way to fuck out of there. Because that's the only way you can live now, guys. Nobody wants to get slaughtered. These people got slaughtered last night. That's what they did. They got slaughtered. 500 and something people got injured. That means shot, period. Injured. A bullet. He shot bullets that would

go through body piercing on cops. This was a horrible fucking night for this country. This was a horrible night for the world. As somebody who was in entertainment, what do you want me to think anymore? What do you want me to think anymore? These comedy clubs, except the punchlines, have fucking metal detectors. I was going to say 10 years ago. I lived in Israel for six months and they have metal detectors at malls. They have metal detectors everywhere and it's just something that you deal with. Alex Jones, the UFC in Houston, six, seven years ago with all his craziness and all his things. He's pretty crazy. We were sitting there talking and he goes, I predict, and he said in five years, so he's off a year, that we

were going to start having TSA at parks, TSA at concerts, TSA at malls, TSA everywhere you walked into. TSA was going to take over the United States. You walk into a fucking bodega and there'll be a TSA agent there in 20 years. As weird as it sounds, and I could be misremembering some of it, but it felt like there was a lot of soldiers doing the checking in Israel. I felt safer there than sometimes that I do here at TSA. It feels more professional. It wasn't messing around. It was a quick check and you were through. I felt totally sad. I was an 18-year-old kid who didn't speak the language and I never once felt in danger or anything. I'm going to tell you people something. I'm going to tell you something from the deepest valley of my heart because you guys know I fly

and you guys know I've been flying for 20 years. When it comes to flying, I'm a fucking professional. I'll tell you what they, you know, XFO, I'll tell you fucking XNA. You know what's XNA airport? You ever land an XNA? Northern Arkansas, fucking airport. Listen, I could drop knowledge on you that most people don't know. I know all about flying, points. Lee, how much do I get upgraded? 97% of the time? I know every scam, every fucking... But he also wakes up at like 3 a.m. to call sometimes. Sure. You got to do what you got to do. You got to sacrifice. We got to take them for the fucking team. You want to hang out with fucking doctors? You got to fucking play the assisting. I dress up in white and I'm going to tell you guys something. I could, not me. I

didn't say me. I'm sorry that I came out of my mouth. Anybody could sneak a bomb on a plane. I'm telling you guys, as a fucking observer, I grow through the every fucking twice a weekend. I go through TSA four times a month and I'm at after 20, after, since 9-11, I got to tell you something that I don't feel safe at all. That's sad. That's not really sad. Because you could, you could bring something on there with Lee. Okay. I could bring one piece. Lee could bring the other piece. And you could bring the third piece. And together, they become something. Right. Okay. We all meet at the first bathroom. You make the right. I go in the big handicap stall because I'm the fat guy. I put it together and I could go on a plane. I could go on a fucking.

I could go on a line. I could do anything. I've seen it. I've seen it. I sit there and go, wow. I get through with a vapor pen. I get through with stupid stuff that should shine through. They used to stop me and go, take that out of the bag. Let's see what that is. My iPad. I don't take my iPad out. Don't they tell you that when you get there? Take your thing out? You don't take your iPad out? Never. God damn it, Joey. That's why they never talk to you about it. Never. Most of the time, they let the iPad go. The iPad goes in my sleep apnea bag. Before that, I had a bigger sleep apnea bag and I put my computer in there. And I would go on the plane with a surface. You can go on there, was it? But you never

take it out. You know, they tell you to take it out of the bag. I never took it out. Fuck you. If I take anything out, I take the sleep apnea machine bag out. But I'm telling you as an amateur that I've been watching there, that I sit there and watch them. Like when I'm going through the line, dog, my heart's pounding. I feel like I'm about to steal something. And I'm not doing anything. You know why? Because I have no trust. Because I know at any minute I could hear, I'll do a buck and fucking, my life's over. Next thing you know, I'm on eyewitness news. They got my sneakers on there and one sock, the other one clung onto my fungi toe. So that's the truth. I'm telling you, in my opinion, but it's 98% accurate. And I'm not

a fucking terrorist or nothing like that. I'm telling you how they could do it. I'm not like, I don't want the military to take over like the country or anything. But don't you think if we hire, had like soldiers that were manning the airports, don't you think we feel safer? Like manning the checkpoints? Let me tell you something. I don't know what dimension you live in. Don't want the LAX some days, dog. You think they're there to get Pablo? Oh, they have people there. I'm not saying I feel no, no, no, no. There's something more. I told you, I fly early and I get on there with an edible and I don't go through changes. When I fly around 10 o'clock, that's the fear of that. That means you're getting there at 8.30. You checking in,

you checked in already, and you go outside for the last breath of fucking fresh air. Look around you. Look around you. It's guys with fucking... The big ones, yeah. Ba-boom-ba. And go to Canada Airport. Canada Airport, they're prepared for fucking a war. Go to Canada Airport. They're prepared for a fucking war. Oh, they're very prepared. They have to be now. At Kennedy, they're prepared for a fucking war. In New York. If you go through... Let me tell you something. If you buy a cheap ticket and go through Kennedy, what are they telling you? Say Mato Nami. That's what I got to tell you because they have a thing at Kennedy Airport. Well, you know how they tell you two hours before a flight? Let's pretend you go on check and it takes

you 22 minutes and you check in. The fucking security won't let you on until a certain time period. So, you got to wait in line like Moog DeVille. That's why you got to get... So, don't get there until exactly... No. And what I told you happened, happened. Pre-TSA has been overabsorbed. The last two weekends I've flown out, I just got in the express first class light and there were two people. Pre-TSA, I fly with sweats now. So, I don't lose. There's no belt to take off. Right. They tell you, yeah. So, if you're pre-TSA and you hold your license up with a ticket, you're good to go. They don't make you take your shoes off. Right. And the line is two people. Everybody now is pre-TSA. Everybody. Yeah. That's it. They just sold the fucking dream now to a bunch of mooks. I didn't

pay for it and eventually you fly so much they give it to you anyway. Yeah, you can buy it. That's what it is. I didn't buy it. You can buy it with the ticket. I didn't buy it. I am a felon like a motherfucker. Soon as I call the airlines, your fucking record comes up on the airline. Did you know that? Oh, really? Sure. Soon as you call the airline, soon as your number goes into their bank now, since 9-11, everything of yours pops up. They just test you and fuck with you. Who's this calling? They fucking know who's calling. Your name comes up, your address, what you do if you've flown with them before, your visa card number, your AmEx number, they got it all. I don't want to know because I know these things. This is what I analyze for a little bit.

You're beautiful, baby. I have friends of friends. What's going on in your life, Nicky Tate? All right. How you doing? I'm getting ready for the playoffs tomorrow night. This is your fucking world. This is my time. Yeah. You know, I'm a hardcore Yankee fan. Nicky Tate, I throw away everything. I thought about it over the weekend. You know, I love you. I know you want to act. I know you want to be Vito Corleone. But listen, there's no value in that. No, there isn't. Let me tell you what the show is called. See, it's too late now. Now you got to sweat it out till next year. This show is you in a room, by yourself with a pizza. That's it. Okay. With the Yankee Game Lung with no sound

and you watch the Yankee Game. Oh, that's no problem. Listen to me. It's 10 bucks to watch the game with Uncle Nicky. It's good. I like that. Listen to me. That's it. No TV show. So, tell me again. Ten dollars. Ten dollars. They can buy a season pass. If they pay it, they give you for the first month, they give you $10 a day. No, $5 a day for the first month or $60 for a month. If you do the first day, you get a two-day trial with Nicky Tate. But I'm going to tell you something. It don't mean nothing with Nicky Tate till the season starts getting close. Then Nicky Tate starts going fucking bananas. And for the extra fin, they see the tweets on the screen. And that's it. Everything that you throw, the anger. And then

somebody has to come in as soon as they lose. This is the reality of it because reality television is scripted. Yeah, it is. Okay. And then when the Yankees are losing and they do like two hours, somebody has to open the door and ask you like a stupid question. Can I ask you a question? What's the capital of Tennessee? And you're like, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck your mother. Get the fuck out of here. The capital of Tennessee. Oh, shit. You ever see a little Rascals? That person, it was the little Rascals with Chubby. And Chubby was jealous because the teacher was coming over. So our foul foot went over there and tried to mac on the teacher. And our foul foot is all dressed up. He bring, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's the Chubby kid. He combed his hair. Chubby

UZB. Chubby UZB. She calls him something. She calls him like lunatic, like a let it and he goes you don't have to call me lettuce. Call me Chubby UZB. She's like 40. He's like fucking 12. 12 and he's trying to mack on on this episode. Let me see if it's on. What was that Google Chubs the Ubsie? Don't Google YouTube Chubs. Oh, I love Chubs the Ubsie. Chubs the Ubsie. Funny fucking dog. When fucking Alphalfa comes out and starts making noise from the curtain that is one of the funniest things because every time Chubs be Usby runs his game right before she could say something Alphalfa comes from behind the curtain and tortures him. That's what you need. That's

part of this reality show is that you sit there watch the Yankees and if they're losing people have to come in and torment your life. Ask stupid questions. What happens if they're winning? If they're winning, then nobody bothers you. It's okay, nobody bothers me. People drop off because it's not funny. But the thing is for me, like tomorrow night will be, you know, that's the real shit. So let's see Chubs be Usby. Oh, y'all look at that face. Holy shit. Look at that, Joey. That's the third one down. The first one. The first one. That's the one with Oh man. I want to hear his voice. Oh, Miss Crabby. You don't have to call me Norman. Call me Norman. You have to call me Chubs the Ubsie. I told you. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with though?

Put the smiley ones. Oh, God. Look at this episode. This is brilliant. Chubs be. Oh, look at this. Jackie Cooper. Jackie Cooper. Here he is. Oh, this is brilliant. Wow. Oh, shit. Look at him. Look at him. Oh, Miss Crabtree. Oh, Miss Crabtree. Oh, aren't they pretty? I brought some candy, too. Oh, look at that voice, Joey. Hey, how did you get in here? Oh, I just blew in. I just blew in. Did you hear that line? Did you see his pants? Hey, palsy. How's he?

Wow, pull the curtains, will you? This is private. Oh, this is private. Was he eating candy? Oh, Miss Crabtree. I have something heavy on my heart. Oh, right. This is classic. This is brilliant. This is a piece of candy. How about a kiss? I'm calling Norman. Call me Chubsie Ubsie. Stop fucking, buddy. This is the shit I grew up on. I know, me, too. Chubsie Ubsie. What's this?

Whoopee. Lee, are you watching this? Oh, Chubsie Ubsie. There's going to be something heavy on your nose. Oh, my God. Every time he tries to rub gay, watch. Do you have a heart attack or anything? Oh, look at that. Oh, my God.

Oh, Miss Crabtree. Oh, my God. Jesus, Joey. I was in a little kid's place to watch this shit die after. Oh, my God. Oh, this is great. Oh, shit. This is brilliant. Oh, my God.

Fucking brilliant. No, no, it's brilliant. It takes me back to being a little kid. This is what I was. Hold on, hold on. Hit on the blackwood kid. This is when they make the fucking cake. Up there, up there. Right there, that one. Click on that one. That's when they make the fucking cake. This is something that 1932, guys.

I saw this every time I saw this episode was going to come on. Speed it up, speed it up. When they make the cake and the cake blows up, I'll tell you. Keep going. He needs money to buy his mom a dress. So right there. All right. So they make a cake and they just push it in the fucking cake.

So they get all this stuff. This is as racist as could fucking be. This episode is as racist as could be. Just this episode. Look at them. They're putting pipes in there. They're sure going to get a surprise when they get there. They're putting toys in the cake. So they're making a cake to sell it by the slice.

And then get the donations and buy their mom a dress. Because the husband wouldn't let her get it. These are great stories. Speed it up a little bit. So they start putting shoes in the fucking batter. Oh, right. They're putting all this shit in there. Yeah, they put it right there. I remember this.

There's a scene here where it gets hot in the fucking kitchen. And he goes like this to sweat. And he throws the sweat on the water and there's black sweat. No, there's not. Look at the oven. Watch this. This shit. This noise.

I heard this every day at school, at least once a week. And the music is great. You hear the music? Yeah, there's the music. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. Hit it again. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

Fucking brilliant. Even as a child, I would give them a... Oh, yeah, that noise. What? Can I ask one question? Did you torture your teachers with this noise? Every fucking day. Oh, my God. I haven't laughed.

I haven't seen this for years. I forgot how funny this was. This is how comedy started with my heart, guys. This was before the honeymoon. Yeah. Are these like your first joints? Surprise cake. What's this shit?

Flowey shot out and hit poor fucking buckwheat in the face. Fuck him. Look at him. He takes a fucking shoe out. Oh, he's got a hot water bottle. This is a surprise. What was their justification for putting these things in the cake? A prize. Look at this. They couldn't make comedy like this today.

No. If they fucking... This was kids... Fucking genius, Joey. This is so... First of all, they don't like... They don't got kids like this anymore. They can't do this kind of stuff no more. I just want you to put in...

Little rascals. Little rascals. You dare enter this house. This is great. Just watching this. This makes me fun. Fucking brings me back to my childhood. I want to cry. I want to cry. Every once in a while I'm in a hotel room.

It's one in the morning. I got insomnia. And you put this on? I put this shit on and I fucking giggle my fucking ass off. Oh my God. Alright, you dare enter this house. Little rascals. It comes up. Scroll it. Let's see. Nah.

Nobody even... I talk about it. Yeah, you talk about you dare enter this house. That's a great episode. They go into this fucking haunted house. The other one that's good is when they fucking make the car. And it's got a boxing glove.

And whenever people are standing at the light... Oh, the glove. Yeah. Punches them in the face. I remember that one. And they steal the cart and they're going down the hill. And guys, when you're a kid, man, and you're having a bad day, maybe you fucked up a word.

No, this was great. Between this and the three stooges. Yeah. And then the honeymooners. And then the honeymooners came in later on. And that was it. Fucking brilliant. Last night I went home. What was the episode that was on last night? Jesus Christ.

The golfer. Last week was the fucking... It's on Sundays at 11. At 11? 11 o'clock every fucking Sunday. Yeah, the fucking golfer was great. They were all great episodes. And you watched that type of comedy and that style.

And the catalyst was Art Carney. Well, he was there. But Gleason is a fucking really a great actor. He was a powerhouse. He was a dramatic actor. So that's why in Offset with Art Carney it was just genius. Art Carney, I watched some of those episodes.

And again, I fucking died. It was great. I fucking died. It's just the fucking lines. Do you remember? You know when you're on the fucking train going the wrong way? That was one of the most brilliant episodes. Oh, it's fucking great.

How about one more bump? How about another bump? Get up there. The mask and everything. Oh my God. It's comedy that... I like to do comedy. I will tell you one thing, Nick.

And you know, there's things in your life that you remember forever. And I still remember going to Doom Buggy's house and him being on heroin. And us listening to the Beatles, me and his little brother listening to the Beatles and him coming in on heroin, like,

the fuck you pussy's listening to. I'm not the fuck out of both of these. You know, I'm a scared kid. These tellings are not the fuck out of us. They're the fuck to listen to. And he put on Richard Pryor. And that was it for me. Between Richard Pryor and Jackie Gleason.

I was off to a different level. I was confused. I didn't know what comedy was. Well, here it is, bitch. This is as good as it gets. And I got introduced to George Carlin and David Brenner. But at first that was it. And then Red Fox came into the game.

Yeah. And I nearly had a heart attack on fucking TV. But then I bought his albums. I bought two of his albums. I gotta tell you something. At the age of 12, the Red Fox album was a little too strong. Did you go see anybody live? At that age? No.

Between you and I, I saw one comic before I got on stage. How old were you when you did your first, you know, comedy thing? 1991. 1991. So how old were you? 28 years old. 28?

First time I got on stage. How were you the first time you acted? Like, professionally. Yeah, in my late 20s, around that age. When was the first... When did you get into acting class? When did you...

Yeah, it was probably because I let it go for a long time and did a little bit in high school, senior. I was in high school, guys and dolls, and then I didn't finish college. I dropped out.

So I hadn't really done anything professionally until I was in my late 20s and Moe better blues with Spike Lee. That was the first real job. All these great guys were in the movie Robin Harris and Denzel Washington. I was like, wow, I can't believe I'm...

I don't even know how this fucking happened, but I had done something for Spike and then he liked me and I had been taking acting class with this guy Bob Motica at night. I was toying with the idea and I said, wow, this is actually this is a fucking... I hope I just don't suck.

Even though I was acting with my brother, he was up in common and all these people in the movie were good. So I was like, you know, I just wanted to blend in. But I remembered after the two weeks I took off from the hotel as a door,

after it was over, my brother said, you know, don't forget what happened here, don't forget the experience. Because you could tell something kind of changed in me and I didn't forget. I was affected by the whole thing. But I was like, wow, this is way fucking harder

than I thought. I saw Denzel. I was like, this guy is great. I saw Robin Harris. I said, who is that guy? He destroyed a whole room of people. He was like kind of a modern day Red Fox. He was brilliant. He was fucking brilliant. And he could act, too. He had like some soul.

The first time I saw him do the right thing, I lost my mind. Oh my God, he was on the street. And he was next to a guy that throws heat, too. The guy that played the Jamaican. Right. That guy was a good veteran actor. Savage. We went to see that in New York with Spike.

I mean, all black audience, it was like out of body experience. Everybody was screaming, laughing. You know, that's it, man. That was a wild audience. That was a wild movie. It's crazy that there were two movies. And I talk about this all the time.

There's two movies that I was not going to see. Harlem Nights and Do the Right Thing. Well, one is a good movie. He signed up for a sociology class, intro to sociology class. One of those fucking classes, something like that, to teach it. That was the homework assignment.

To watch Do the Right Thing and do a paper on the whole fucking thing. And I gotta tell you something blew my fucking mind. It's a good movie. It blew my fucking mind. It's a fucking good movie. Till today, it still blows my mind. Yeah. Well, that movie just, you know, just fucking worked. It just kind of hit a nerve.

I don't know, for a time, everything. For me, it hit home. It's funny. It reminded me of being home. It reminded me of the racial... Listen, it really... Anyone in New York understands that kind of racial tension. It's different there than out here. No, no, no, no, no. Way different.

That was a different racial tension. What type of racial tension that was. And do you remember this? It was subtle, but it was light. It was funny. You're still dating that big chick. Yeah, right. Oh, do you understand? That's completely different.

Joey, you're still dating that mullin' yarn. You're still eating the fucking ass. I would never eat a mullin' yarn ass. You know what I'm saying? You're not saying nothing negative. That's what people don't understand. That's a joke, lately. I'd still say to you, what's going on? You're still dating that Jew bruh.

No, I dumped that piece of shit. I'm dating this Mexican chick now. Sounds so positive so far. You say that now. Now you get outcasted. You get destroyed. But that's how it was, Nick. You're still dating that Cuban chick. Yeah.

Fuck, you like that little spick of Ruh. You like that Puerto Rican ass. I know. I don't know what I like more. The fucking pussy or the food. I've gained 18 pounds in two weeks. Yeah, but you know what? I go to the mother's house, they feed me.

They call me her mano. I'm drinking with them. They invited me to a party in Miami. They paid for the tickets. These people fucking crazy. Here's the ironic thing about that shit. It's really not that racial. It sounds it. You know, everybody growing up there,

you had something to say about Puerto Rican. You had something to say about a Jew or a black. I think I'm the way I am. And nobody understands that. They say, oh, this guy is a, you know, he's a bigot. He's this, he's that. I'm like, you're full of shit. I'm none of those things.

But we all said that because out of curiosity, no one really understood what it was like. But in the end, you find out we're all just fucking people. We all kind of like each other in our own way. We just didn't understand our own little googly gods, our own cultures, you know. But once you got a taste of that, you were like,

oh, shit. I grew up with the Olsons, the Bosnianos. I grew up with the Arezes, the Sabatinos, the Altmans. I grew up with them. Everybody had a little joke about something. The Irish mix, the Shanty Irish. But at the end of the day, they made it all work.

It was just a joke. That's it. At the end of the day, they made it all work. And that's what do to write that. The only thing you didn't like about was at the end, it got a little, you know, to me, the only problem I had with that movie was at the end, maybe it got a little bit,

you know, a little, it got a little hairy and maybe a little political with the guy getting choked out and all that shit. But for 90% of that movie, it's very, it's very funny. Even when they're playing with the water fountain and what's his name?

God bless. Go ahead, go ahead. Martin Lawrence was brilliant. Jesus Christ, Martin Lawrence has been around forever. He's a Jimmy Smith type of dude. Yep. How about this fucking Jordans?

Oh, your Jordans are fucked up. 110. 110 plus tax. I mean, they were fucking, it was just so funny, every little thing. Who's better? Roger Clemens or Doc Gooden? Everything was like, it was just so fun, you know. Springsteen or Prince.

Yeah. Oh, my brother was funny too, you know. Bruce. The other dude. Yeah, and forever, man. When my brother was so fucking funny in that movie. The daddy of yellow was hot. It was good too. It was good too. I was on the set and I was just like, wow,

that's how I met Spike. And I was like, man, this is, this is kind of exciting. I didn't know what it was, but you could kind of feel like, you know, I had brought Martin Lawrence over, this guy, Steve White, you know, all these dudes. And I was like, man, I want to be part of this gang.

This is fun. I had it going on then. And all these, you know, Rosie Perez, he found her in the club with those big nipples and everything else. I mean, my God, I was, I'm not like a Puerto Rican one. Big nipples.

So tomorrow, I guess what I'm thinking about doing Dignic tomorrow. What are you doing? Yeah, that's what my daughter at the park over here. I was walking and I saw beginning acting class for older adults. You? Act in class for older adults.

I called the number. They said, it's show up. You got to commit to eight weeks, sign some paperwork and you're in the class. I'm thinking of going tomorrow 11 o'clock. Really? Why not? Yeah. No pressure acting class. This is because I want to do it. Not because I have to be. Have you ever taken an acting class?

Absolutely. Oh, okay. Absolutely. That's your, you have to. I did the whole circuit, the casting director, the Vanna Chubbock, the other chick. And then one day I did a movie with Coburn and he's like, stop doing it.

So who's taking, who's doing this class? I have no idea. What am I going to give a fuck? I don't give a fuck. Listen, you always learn something and you exercise the muscle. That's right. And everybody complains there's no work. Oh, exercise the muscle, generate the work. Yeah. And you never know what's going to happen.

That's right. Who knows what's going to happen? No, you don't know. Everything leads to something. You and I speak on the phone. There's labs, but there's three minutes or four minutes of the conversation that how much longer can this last? We're not working. I know.

Whatever you offer that does come in is you can't even leave the house for that. Yeah. You got to bring your own shoes, your own suit. They want you to fly yourself in, put up your own hotel. And we're screen actors. I've been doing this a long time. You're in the union 30 years.

30 years. I've been in the union 20 fucking years. How could this be possible? I know. That we have to pay for our own... What are you looking at? No, I'm just looking in the middle. Don't worry.

I'm looking at this fucking... I'm thinking about this... What was the movie I did with the narrow one? Oh, Grudge Match. Grudge Match. And I've said it a thousand times. I had to fly myself in. Yeah. I know. There's the same thing with Blue Bloods.

I was doing three years, four years. You can't fucking believe it that you were paying union dues and you paid another point and a half at the end of the year. And now they won't even pay for your fucking plane ticket. Hey, listen. I did 40 episodes guest starring. How is that a guest star? 40 flights.

Yeah. About 40 episodes. 35 flights. Yeah. I had to come off the plane, do my shit, memorize my shit on the plane, rehearse it because I knew I wasn't going to get many takes. Boom. Knock it out and then get back on the plane again. The kid I worked with used to go, how do you do it? I go, I do it. You know, I just like this part of the...

It's part of the whole... I never thought I could do shit like that. You know, I'd be on a plane talking to myself. People would be looking at me. One time I was in... Somebody would say, are you okay? I'm just... I'm memorizing lines. What do you do?

Meanwhile, they're fucking googling you while they're sitting next to you. I'm a pediatrician. Pediatrician? Yeah. Whatever. But I mean, that's the world we're living. You know? Now you're a guest star. You're a guest star for 100 episodes. And they get away with it. Unbelievable. You believe that.

And they won't tell you, like, at least tell me if you're going to put me in a... No. They say, you know... No, where are you? I tell you this, and we're not griping. No. We just want to keep you informed at home that I never want you to think when you see these actors

tell you these mid-range guys, these mid-range guys you're seeing, you think we're making millions. No. You're fucking fighting for your life anymore. That's it. And the unions cut your throat. Your own union. But yeah. Well, you fucking pay. I know. A lot of money. Not a little bit of money.

No, a lot. I mean, this guy wants to hire me for a movie in Canada, and he goes, well, it's a Disney movie to make and to remake, because, you know, I forget the movie, but they don't even want to like, you know, they don't want to pay, and then there's another thing that he's doing in Europe. He's like,

I don't know. I got to see if they'll let us hire another American actor. Well, they're hiring you. Why can't they hire one more? Because of the union, you know? I'm like, I'm fucking believable. I mean, you can't make a living. You know, I'm actually going to work with Spike again, I think. I haven't worked.

You know, I started out with Spike. It's funny. The people you start out with, you know, like Crandon says, the people you meet on the way up, you're going to meet the same people on the way down. It's like full circle. I would, you know, Abrams, and now I'm like, 30 years later, I'm with these people, you know, and, you know,

I started out with Spike. Now, Spike calls me up. What's up, man? It's tough out there. I'm like, yeah, yeah. I go, I feel you, man. I hear you. I got you. I got you. I go, yeah, right. I'm glad somebody's got me because you feel very alone in this business. People don't know. They just know, oh, I love

your show. I love you on the show. I'm like, not on the show, but I saw you. I go, I know you saw me, but it's a rerun, you know. No, no, no. That's what your life becomes. You become like a fucking rerun. Like, you know, what are you doing? I let people that go. What are you doing?

Like you died, like you passed away. You okay? I haven't seen, you know, you haven't seen. You don't know me. You don't fucking know me. Maybe they say I love you. I love you, man. I love you. How could you love me? You don't know me. How do you know you love me? How the fuck do you know you love me?

No, it's true. I mean, you don't fucking love me. You'd say you love me. That's what I love about this town, man. Love you, baby. Love you. You know, where you been? Yeah, I'm like, where I've been. I'm here. What do you mean? Where you been? I'm working. I'm working. I'm working. I'm working, you fuck.

If fucking movies only get released in Austin. I know. I did about, you know, fucking 55 independent movies that no one will ever see. These fucking movies. I just go in and let's go there. Pay me cash. We were having a conversation about that two weeks ago

with Chris Delia, that these independent movies, they started out fucking tremendous and they want a bus too. When I first moved here in 98 to get an independent film dog, you had to kill 20 people. And then you got one

and nothing happened. Then you got in the second one and nothing happened. Then they call you at the festival bullshit. Those are the best ones when they call you. One down the corner, let me see if I'm in town. I can't cancel. But then there's the people who say to you,

hey, guess what? We're in the Iowa Springs film festival. Can you fly yourself? Can you come Sunday and you're like, are you fucking crazy? You don't want to spend a weekend in Iowa Springs? I love Iowa, but I'm not going out there

for a film festival. We'll stand around and play Johnny Celebrity while people point at me and go, goodness, great things are going to happen for you. Sure, right. Keep saying that for yourself. Ain't that going to happen? What do you do for a living? I'm a plumber. What do you do?

Give me an ad on your network. What do you do? It's really, and you don't want to look at it that way. When people contact you now, you look at it and you go, so what's the deal? And they tell you, let me think about it for a day. I got to know why I want

to be on YouTube. And they're like, excuse me. You just told me you got a cousin who works at CBS. That means I got dick. That means I got dick. By the time we shoot, this is no cousin. And next thing you know, you're calling me up to see if my agent could

call up FX and sell him this piece of shit with this lighting guy that didn't know light bulbs. Look at me. I'm darkly never. I've been this dark in 20 fucking years. Look at me. No, no, no. I just did a fucking dog movie.

It was hilarious with fucking dogs and Dolph Lundgren. What a fucking guy he was. Nice guy. But fucking. You're acting when people you just go, how did I wind up here? And we're trying to rehearse the scene.

He's like. Dolph. Dolph, I said. We got to rehearse. We got to rehearse Dolph. Okay. You are funny. You are a funny guy. I said, yeah. I'm all right. Never mind funny. Let's just rehearse.

So I could get my fucking line in and get my fucking line in. You know what I mean? Doing the fucking movie with dogs and the dog train is like, okay, don't make any noise when the dogs are on the set. I said, yeah, it's all about

the fucking dogs now. Thank you, Lee. Let me tell you something. Again, I did movies for Disney with a fucking dog. Yeah, you did a bunch of those, right? Dean Ken and Gary Valentine. I would never volunteer for those.

Like I said, they sell. They sell. But here's the story that people don't fucking know. Okay. Let me tell you again. This is a podcast and I'm not ratting nobody out. I'm just informing the fucking consumer what's really cracker

lacking. Like we discussed. So you have a scale film and then you have a film $100 a day. What these people do is they try to sell you on $100 a day. So what do you think happens? And I'm really sorry to say it this way.

When you're in a $100 a day movie and there's dogs involved and cats and snakes listen to me. That's going to be a long fucking day. Because these guys didn't make it out of the top of their class. When you work on a fucking real Disney movie

scale plus 10 your own closet, clothing meals every three hours great script, great actors a few from yesteryear and a few from today to sell the film on ABC fucking family. You know.

You got a fucking canine that's smart. You got a laugh. On these long day movies on these long day movies these dogs been hit by a car and I don't want to be there. They've been hit by a car three years ago. You're going to put me on this set to run around

with a fucking bow in my mouth. Give me a fucking break. They give them cookies. These dogs don't respond. The cats are bad. I went through hell on those dog movies. Remember that all those days when you see an animal in the script that's a 14 hour.

That's a 14 hour day because whenever that was at the dog time and the dogs will only be there for eight hours. So what you do is you shoot all the scenes with the dog doing all the shit you can and then once you shoot all those scenes

you cut the animal and then you shoot your scenes like if the dog was there. So we're still in the room talking and they're shooting the dog. We're still having the dialogue from our scene. We shoot all those scenes. Go boy. Go get him. He's a crook. Bite him. All that shit. Then later on

they cut the dog and we do all our things. They do our shots. They already got the coverage on the dog. But the dog gets tired. After an hour and a half he's like a human being. He needs to fucking breathe it. The dog has better working conditions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a game and an animal on the set. I'm sure. When you have a movie with an animal you gotta do some fat fuck like me to come on your set and tell you excuse me it's time. They go for a walk and eat now.

Then they come in with the kids too. The kids gotta work a certain amount of time. They gotta get school time. They gotta get breaks. I saw that. So they'll come right in with the kids and cut in and go hey, that's it. He's gotta go to class for two hours. We shoot around their scenes

then they come back and finish out their fucking night. No, I know. That's why whenever you shoot and they have kids in the script people get fucking this better be a good idea Tim Allen better be here. Yeah, you need somebody in charge

somebody that makes it. But if you got a free-for-all with these kind of circumstances you get fucked up. The other guy was working when he would show up and sit there for 12 hours and I said I'm not coming.

Call me when you're ready. This other fucking guy could be here. I'm not sitting here for seven. I'll go insane. One night I just went home and I was there all night. I said I'm so angry. The guy goes you want to go home?

I said yeah, I don't want to go home. I'm going home. I'm fucking going home. I'm going to Denny's right now. It's five o'clock in the morning. I'm at Denny's eating a bullshit breakfast and angry. Doing a dog movie.

Looks like I was playing a mad scientist a few weeks ago on a Sunday in some fucking warehouse. That sounds like fun. Yeah, it was kind of funny. I made something out of it but I was acting with... You know, you're acting with all these fucking people. What's your mad scientist name? What was the mad scientist name?

Oh, my name? Yeah. I can't even fucking remember now but it was funny. The guy just gave me an envelope and I just said that's it. It was a day's pay. I'm going to laugh a little bit. Yeah, it sounds like fun.

Kind of was. But you want to do more prestigious jobs. Yeah, but you want to do something more worth what you've put in. You don't work 30 years and then you're picking up Mission Marsh. If you come to me today and go, I got a nice movie.

It's gonna pay your scale. Joey, listen. I'm gonna shoot you in the night. You're not gonna get no overtime. Four hours, couple scenes, you get shot. Maybe four or five days. Where's your shoot? Ventura? How many?

Something. What are we doing with the thing? To be strictly honest with you. You know, that company, they got to put the fucking movie on there. We're gonna go straight to that. You get some yearly residual and that's everybody's happy.

If it's gonna be fun, I know the director. Everything's good. And the material ain't bad. I got a good work out. You felt like you did something rather than just now it just became about

making money here and there. At least with that you go, this could be something. It could be decent. Every now and then you need to do something for your soul. At least I tried. You know what was for me the last couple years

when I did those two episodes of Married? I just went nuts. For IFC, they had nobody on there so I could do whatever the fuck I want. That's good. That day when I was in Pittsburgh, which if you came to the shows, thank you very much. You guys are fucking tremendous.

Some guy came up to me and he goes, I never saw you until that episode of Married when you were doing Coco off the table. And you said something about him and he goes, after that I went nuts. That was one of the fun, you know what I'm saying? I could let loose. By that time I knew how to let loose.

Right. The longest show, I didn't know how to let loose yet. I didn't know the responsibilities of letting loose. There was a lot of people. Maybe you hadn't done that many movies. Not like that. No, I was fresh off like Spider-Man 2

and Taxi. I could tell you were in the longest show, you were out of your element. Absolutely. It took me two weeks to get there. I had been doing a lot of stuff before that, so when I got an opportunity to do a comedy,

I did my work other than breaking my foot. But I was making the most out of that experience. Adam made it a better part for me as it went along. I kind of had an approach and then I saw what he was doing,

but I think for you it was a newer... It was a big scene. It was a macro economic scene. It was macro comedy instead of micro comedy. It's not me and Lee. It's not me and Nick. It's nine people. You had to come in with a character.

You had to come in with something. You had to rock it because there were 85,000 guys in there. If you have an approach and you have a good character, the good thing about a guy like Adam is he let people... believe it or not, there was.

I thought. You had a great time, but I think it was also a new experience for you. It was like that one day we got wrapped. Remember we got wrapped? And you call me like, Nick, we got fucking wrapped. Not calling us back.

That's why I couldn't deal with this. And then you go, what are we doing? I go, well, I got to go back. They unwrapped us. And you were like, fuck it, I'm not going back. But they unwrapped us. The right thing to do was to go back because, you know, and then I got back,

then they wrapped me again. I understood where you were coming from, but it was... I took a chance, Columbus. I just didn't like the... I didn't like those a lot or whatever, but I had a good experience. Adam treated everybody good.

Adam's a great guy. There's no two ways about that. The time in Santa Fe was great. The family store. Missed him by two minutes. I walked back there and he goes, you know what he saw? He said you were on the line and he giggled.

He liked you. No, Adam liked you. I thought you were Italian. It was funny when I first fucking saw you. I still remember the first van ride home that Thursday night from the high school. You remember it was me and you

and we were at the high school first. The food truck was there. We ate and it was me, you and the one producer in the van. The Italian guy with the kid. The real cool. Not the dude with the retarded brother.

The cool dude with the kid that was about 16. And that weekend he left and left a 16-year-old kid. And I went down to the pool at Bosworth

and I saw the kid and the kid jumped in the pool and he was shining. I talked to the kid and we went in there with the kid and the kid was a great kid. I'm like, where did that? He goes, well, you wanted me to go back on him. What was I going to do on that night for the weekend?

I'd rather stay here with you guys. So we had a great time. The kid ended up coming to see me at the Laugh Factory a couple of times. When he turned 19. It was me, you, and that producer in the van that Thursday night. God rest his soul.

Your mom was sick the first time. She had a heart attack. We were going back. You were worried. We were going back to the hotel. Adam was a good guy. That's when I met you. We yacked on the van. We giggled something.

We had somebody in common. I forget who it was. Then that weekend I was sitting there with Bosworth and he's taken me into murky waters and the NFL. My jaw is in the jacuzzi.

As a sports enthusiast you really think you know shit about sports and you don't know dick until you talk to Bosworth. And the hard on they had for him and how they took his fucking bonus check every weekend as a fine

because he didn't tuck in his shirt. He had me that Sunday that my head was spitted. They took his house psychotherapy in Hawaii and then did you see they do a 30 for 30. It's very good.

And that's it. He had the nervous breakdown. He had to leave Seattle. I mean it was fucking deep. And here you grew up thinking these guys lived the fucking life of Riley. And they didn't really like that in the NFL. It hasn't been a fucking long time. But that was interesting.

But that Sunday night your family wasn't down there yet. So I'm walking past and I hear you fuck you and I'm like let me go talk to this guy. I knock on your door you just barely open the door you're on the fucking two little cedar couch

the balcony door was open and you're up there fucking yelling at the TV. I'm like what's going on here. The fucking Yankees they got a minute and two hours and you're yelling and I'm loving it. I haven't seen that type of behavior in 20 years now.

There's fakers. There's women around. There are fakers. You know, character is what you do and there's nobody watching. I can hear you yelling from the fucking pool. I'm like why is he fucking yelling? And that was just brilliant.

I went upstairs and saw the act. You remember that huh? It was yesterday. I remember it like a fucking bullet. Oh yeah. No, I've had people, you know, they walk in the house and walk out. That's the show. No, you're right. It's like I was in that episode.

Nine innings with Nick. That's the name of the show. With no sound. No sound on the TV. On the TV. But you could check chat. Once you put the sound on this. I like to update people. The third inning is starting right now. Like this guy.

Look at this fucking dude here. He's one for fucking two. And there's fucking bases loaded. And this fucking guy hasn't hit nothing in ten fucking days. And they put him in. And they got this other moulinon. What's his name? Then he did the Dominican kid. Whatever. By the way,

I gotta tell you something. Last night I'm sitting by the computer. I get home. I take a nap. I get back up. I'm still fucked up from the flight back from Pittsburgh. Which again, I had a great time. What a beautiful fucking city. What a beautiful fucking city. I love that city.

I've always loved that city. It's always a pleasure going there. The flight, everything. Can we talk about the food? The food's delicious anyway. Mind your business. What food? I had Chinese. I had Chinese.

Three days in a row delivery. That old school Chinese. Poor fried rice. I explored outside the realm. It was no bueno. There's three things you get. If those things suck, you don't call again. One ton soup? Not even.

I won't want to drink one ton soup. I gotta go on a plane 18 miles. They give me half a cup. Half of it is drained. Poor fried rice? Poor fried rice. Two egg rolls. Two shrimp egg rolls. And dumplings. The first day I got pork fried rice.

A little container. And two egg rolls. I ate one egg roll. And ate the other pork fried rice. And I go, you know what? The spirit of fucking saint. He'll punish me for throwing this shit away. I flew to... I'm never going to eat this again. I kept it in the room.

Then I got back from doing comedy about 11.30. I fucking ate that fucking egg roll. It was kind of stiff. The grease was evaporated. It was delicious. With a tube of hot mustard on it. With a fucking water. I can't be drinking that soda.

I'm trying to be good and shit like that. So yeah, I ate Chinese food. I had breakfast. I kept it normal. And at night I had avocados and chicken. Avocado is good. I'm trying to keep it together little by little. You know what I'm saying? But it was interesting as fuck.

But what I was going to tell you was what? What? Oh, oh shit. So I go on Facebook. And they try to answer a few messages. They go on Twitter. Because I don't take the computer on the road. So I don't want to see nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing.

I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing? I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing.

I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. Why do we need a distraction? Right. So I fucking, I turned on the computer last night. 1974 really this neighborhood wasn't racist But they didn't know Louie Louie had an afro right so in their mind. He was black So behind his back they called him Louie the nigga and then one day they just started calling him Louie the nigga through his face

And he would keep saying I'm not black Yeah, it was hysterical. I know that's funny. He was dynamite and you know who else is in that picture. Oh All I could say is his first name Gerard Gerard Me and there was a kid Sabatino who I grew up with who I've spoken about in the podcast There was like four or five cats at your Pente a kid named a Ponte a fucking name Gerard It's always like we had a guy in our neighborhood Gerard. He was like a scary fucking dude. Well, this dude was scary

beautiful Italian man, I even called my wife because his Goomba is my daughter's godfather. Yeah, they're the same blood. I go come here for a second You think mercy's godfather's a good-looking man Take a look at this side of the family boy. I was like Jesus Christ What happened to him? How come he's not on TV? I go he became a doctor. Yeah, but when that kid was 16 17 Nick He was fierce He was my straight man when I used to try to roll gay guys

We would they weren't really gay. They were guys that came over from the city to get that dick sucked in Jersey God, so this guy was a good-looking dude. He was the bait out there We put him out there like a soldier Nick. Wow and cars will pull up next to wow. You're beautiful You want to go on a date and you go pull over? And then we can get out of the car walk him into the park and we jump the dude. Really? Oh my god We were young and stupid dog, and you imagine Nick Well things that could have happened So different different time being him went out like two months. We were evil

We used to go to this bar, and he was such a good-looking dude, bro That he would just Lord chicks and we were in a school We were juniors, and nobody really knew him and I on that together His father was Italian But he made the best chili and rice You ever had in your life chili and rice chili with white rice on the side you need to have it without the rice He told me one time have it with the rice. You don't like it better. I'm cute when I like big alley you It's the same fucking thing. Yeah, every time I go over there because he would call me go my dad made chili come over

So whenever that we go over there we go over they eat and while I was over there He taught me who we were gonna pinch that night He was really good-looking so we always robbed some chicks house right he was always robbing some chick That was 26 or 27 times and this guy begin with doctor. Yeah Wow I took him like 49 fucking years to get his degree. Don't get me wrong. Yeah Yeah, one of those dudes. Yeah, but he's still straight up. I still people say he sends his love to me I loved him dearly. I love this sister dearly

His father was my good buddy. He got me out of a couple messes growing up and shit So I would go over there eat the chili and shit, but I remember oh my god This mean this kid used to do some creepy shit So he hooked up with this stripper He told me that he we were an high school dog He was 17 and she he told me that he would she would bring him over the house at like 11 o'clock at night He was getting booty calls in 19 fucking 80 already. Oh this guy. He was she was 26 He was 16. He's a stud, huh? And he would walk to a house. How tall was he?

Five nine five ten ten look like Look like a fucking my life. There was three or four those Italian dudes that had that different Italian looked on right They didn't look Italian and hard, right? They were Italian and beautiful. They just had they look like Robin Redford But they had brunette hair. I grew up with like three of those motherfuckers that they won't stop up a pussy Right It's unbelievable, but this dude set up this check he told me she's a stripper He I go wait you mean he goes I met her at a bar and then she invited me out. She's 26 He goes I fucked her like ten times. I know exactly where the jewelry is where her money is

The whole fucking thing. Oh boy So on a Tuesday night like 11 he picked me up in his father's car We went over there. That was the lookout and I heard him kick in the fucking window. I Counted a ten. I didn't see nothing And all of a sudden he comes running out with a bag. He gets in the car. We go for a fucking ride And he found cash not much. We each got like 200 apiece. Oh, which in 1980s a lot of money Yeah, we got a little jewelry, but he said fuck I couldn't find the main thing. What was the looking for a hand a Check had a hand that had rings. Oh

Diamond rings Safa, you know, she had the whole fucking thing he cased it out. He had the whole fucking diamond. I this guy This guy was one of my favorite partners of all time, and I always knew He wasn't a bad kid. He was knocking that down. You know, oh, yeah I tried to protect them as much as I could but I also knew his dick got hard doing this There's certain people that you grew up with that. You know, they're not bad people. Yeah, but they get a rush It's hard. Yes doing a certain thing Yeah, he got a rush from that and I had like two or three of those in my life that came to me and said listen

I don't really want to do this, but I want to do this with you I wanted to fucking go have a good time one time, you know saying mm-hmm, and that was crazy He was one of those guys until today He still sends love Like I have a mutual friend that really sees him. He always goes a G sons is love. He's still good-looking. Oh my god. I don't know. He's my age now, but in this picture He was it was him sabs He was like, yeah, that's a kid at your penny

They were at a car they were at a baseball tournament in high school. They were young kids Just amazing memories man with those guys. It's fair. It's amazing how fast your life goes, right, man Lately I've been thinking about a lot. I'm just thinking like wow It's fucking not that it's over, but you know, it is kind of in the way it is because you go Fuck man. I'm 55, you know, like it was Al says in that movie, you know scarf is you got a bag You got a belly, you know, it says it but it's kind of true because you're looking in the mirror You see your fucking belly and you see this and and you see you're starting to feel your skin a little bit not as tight You're at the light. Huh? You've been out of light minding your own fucking business. Yeah, and you look over to your right hand side

Yeah, and there's a couple By the 18 and a half. Yeah And then walking home hand to hand. Yeah They're going home to do homework for about two minutes. Yeah Then he's gonna rip off a fucking pants, right and fuck until the end. Yeah And what's on your snap out of this dreamy, you know, I know that's never gonna happen to me again I know Like I'm never gonna fall in love again. Yep. Not gonna make out anymore

I'm not gonna know the beginning of I mean, I love my wife. We still make out. You know, you make out that's good I'm talking about We're never gonna be at that place where we meet a girl for the first time and take her to a movie No, the magic and that dinner is yeah, you know, bringing the flowers and falling in love that fucking magic, you know, I mean that sets it Yeah, I'm 55 that sets in already. Yeah, I'll be 55 in February God take me there. You with me But uh, you have to realize these things aren't gonna happen again in your life I know, you know, you you go to these jiu-jitsu classes and sometimes I get frustrated and I'm like wait a second

How am I gonna do a fucking z guard? You know, you got to reach down and pull yourself. I'm two. I'm 300 pounds You know, but I go I show up when I do what I fucking could do when I wrestle young kids And I get frustrated But at least I'm exercising. Yeah, which is what keeps you alive. That's why I dress up more every now and then, you know I put a put my outfits together this and that it's not that I'm trying to be young but just Just to fucking feel good, you know, I mean just to feel like yeah, I still I got something I ain't got what you know, I still got something

I gotta have some edge I gotta find some way to fucking get off. But what would listen what do I mean, what do uh, you what would be the life for you right now to have a 23 year old? No, I didn't mean like that. No, no, no, I'm not even saying that I'm just saying I walked in my son's room the other day and he was home from college and some Good-looking brother's in there with an earring and a nose and she was braiding his hair and I said, oh, hi She was like hi

I was like I was like looking I was like I look at this shit. He's this is it. This is, you know, young people, you know, we're not that No, I just not that you know, you're not you're not like completely over the hill, but Well, you know, but we are all well. Yeah, I listen when you go to a show I know and you look around and you see a guy like me or you you go Especially if you're a 20 year old. Yeah What do they want with me? No, no, no, that's what you have to be honest with yourself You know, what I see in the mirror is come knock what people see

People add in 10 years to this. I know and it's not like I'm trying to win a beauty contest I couldn't win a beauty contest when I was 21 I'm not gonna win a beauty contest now at 50 fucking four. So yeah It uh, you accept a lot of things that that one was really shocking I just can't believe it went so fast to be honest with you. It's like Torture this fucking kid lee Take care of this lee. Don't miss a day lee If I get any advice for anybody listen, don't miss a day

Don't miss a day. I missed 30 years of days By doing drugs and fucking around I missed 25 years of days And I wish I get half of them back. Yeah Well, that's the problem if you spend half your life stone sitting around getting high or fucking around doing time Listen, man. There's a whole life out there and it goes Jesus christ guys. I I lie not to you. It goes by. I know you're 20 19 Next thing you know, you're 23 and you're graduating 24

You get the dream job and guess what next thing are you 30? I loved it in my 30s And then you're 34 and then all sudden 38 creeps on it And you have a nervous breakdown because you're too 40 in two years It happened to me But you start writing and confusing yourself and saying 40 is the new 30 And all the bullshit that goes with it. God and then you know what man, it's not you never fall apart If you take care of yourself You will not fall apart. Oh, yeah, it's staying in shape too

And you try to listen when I did the longest yard from that point on like I After the longest yard, I gained another 40. I was so used to eating pastrami sandwiches Well for my third breakfast the longest shot. I mean, you know, you know how much I ate on that fucking set We were eating like savages. We ain't we ain't good. We were eating like fucking Adam fetters good savages savages Savagery buffalo burgers at the hotel. No, I didn't touch those. No. No, I touched the kids spaghetti and meat with the kids Irving I saw our man. Oh the fight I touched it Picked me up gave me a big ass hug. He was hugging me for so long. Michael Irving. We're sitting in the dining area one night

It's a little room. Maybe seats 30 tables. Maybe 25 tables We're about three weeks until the longest shot. It's a Friday night We have Saturday and Sunday off Adam has to go do something And that Friday night I decide to go downstairs and have macaroni and cheese from the kids menu late At the hotel Lee you have no idea You I recall you up in San just had kids macaroni and cheese from somewhere not usually your mind would blow up

What and here's the beauty of it? It's the kids menu. Yeah, that's the scary thing. This is what I ate for two weeks I couldn't wait to get back to the hotel room and listen There was no reason for because I was galvanizing on that fucking set Especially in Santa Fe. We had the smoothies. We had the prosciutto. We had the fucking ham the wet muts But lee I couldn't wait to get to the hotel They already knew when I'd walk in the kitchen was right there When you walk into the desk the kitchen was right there. I go throw the order in and I go to my room take a shower

We're smoking joint in the balcony Come in put my shorts on I go downstairs and then have a table for me Lee With the kids macaroni and cheese Monja, baby with a piece of bread. That was good. Shit. Lee tremendous. Good. Shit. You're my love You're my you wouldn't need anything else The kids mac and cheese in the morning. They had a little breakfast for you. Yeah You started the morning off there lee with a nice coffee nice coffee Two eggs sunny side up. Mm-hmm tons of bacon

Tons of fucking sausage strips and tons of bread. Then you got in the van Okay, lee you went to the fucking set You went into tattoos Then you put your equipment on and then from there they would say to you go eat So 45 minutes later lee you were back in the chow room With eggs sausages polis sausage pancakes french toast whipped cream waffles cherries

Bananas protein shakes lee you like what is it? I just had uh, yeah I just had a new uh, uh board job every few weeks. Oh my god. I did they bought extended clothes for me Now we ain't good we drank good everything You know what that's like lee lee and that your call is at eight, right? But at seven You're already eating like a doctor like you're like, yeah, I go to prison and do life until it's me But it don't end you're gonna go on the set now Is everyone doing it to him? No, no people are hearing till it dies. Everybody's doing that would be smoking reefer I didn't have any like the producers were like you had no fucking idea lee then we went to the fucking set

And there was a room tell him how big the room was with benches It looked like a prison cafeteria huge and it had tables upon tables of cakes I still never forget the night with lobo when they made me and lobo work towards the end as a goof It just wasn't goof. They weren't gonna use none of this shit. It was so bad They put a picture of I was supposed to be a tattoo artist or lobo was a tattoo artist of me And he put a picture of what was the chick That we goofed on that's on the view The chick that's a comedian able

Joy bae huh, joe bae huh remember that he liked joy because he says that her name, right? So in those scenes they put a tattoo on me. Well that night it was me lobo I think michael ervin is shot a scene early and a few other people And it was a fucking chocolate fountain That were you there then no, I wasn't in chocolate fountain. This is at the end of the shoot like we haven't eaten enough Like we haven't eaten like fucking pigs enough and this is week 16

There's nobody left in this movie shooting It was me and lobo. That's it. They just had us torturing us What was that about Was it something they added or it was just they were just keeping us there till They were like three night shoots And it was me and lobo in la. Yeah at fox studios Our paramount we went over there the one night our call was at four They put makeup

You know put your shoulder pads on Do this do that We're gonna break for dinner Really? We just fucking got here Yeah, but they were here shooting exteriors of planets and shit You motherfuckers We broke for dinner. We ate and we sat around for an hour

Then they put me and lobo in the cell And we do eight takes or something and they go cut. All right That's martini rap and we're like Really You dirty motherfuckers And then the next night we came in I didn't know this and it was a scene where lobo was giving me a tattoo And I find out he fucks up. He doesn't put joy bay home like that. What do you put a blink into somebody?

He fucked up He put oprah or something. Yeah, he put oprah. They never used any of that. No, it was pure garbage. Yeah It was pure garbage. I knew as they were shooting that this is a fucking straw. I was right at first They're like, yeah, I don't want to add all these scenes with you and lobo And then they tried to reshoot the scene where We throw the toilet paper Which we just could not pull it off Which one was the scene when we scored a winning touchdown? We're all supposed to be hurt. I get knocked out

goberg Somebody else and somebody else Ali We're all in the hospital And when if you watch the original when they scored the last touchdown Oh, we're in the hospital. Oh, you guys are in the hospital throwing toilet paper fucking picking up a nurse And at this point we it was me goberg lobo no no and

Rob Schneider played the nurse They never used it. No, we raped her Oh, shit. Suppose you see us throwing our shoes off. Oh, really? Yeah, they weren't gonna use that. They're not gonna use that No, that was all added footage, you know, it's something that the directors cut that. Yeah. Yeah, it was all bullshit They were not they just kept us there and our calls were at four and they cut us an exactly 11 o'clock I cut my teeth. What the fuck? Why did we even do this? We're not gonna shoot from this night. No, no, no, we're just gonna almost everything I did in that movie was practice made it

almost everything except the one scene with uh Chris rock and adam at the beginning it was in one cut and it was very very funny Where I did the push-ups right before You know, they had the whole big gunfire at the in the mess hall and adam looks at me and I look at him and and I go Brooklyn bitch It was very funny and then I think it was like it almost like it took away from adam and

Chris's opening and They should have left it that was the one thing they didn't leave and they should have fucking left that but it was very funny I remember because I just like I just did these five push-ups and then Then he's like, yeah, so what I go Brooklyn bitch something like that That was really fucking funny It was really fucking funny. Well most of the shit all made it most of it. I mean, you know, you watch a film as a child

You watch a film as an adult it's on every week And then you and then you get in the film and now you watch it years later and you see those takes And you go, you know what those takes were in deck It's what we were doing in between those takes a shot And said fuck the movie let these guys go Like that my memorable thing on that movie Was the day we ate the cranberry sauce And the chicken that was for you definitely for me. I never laughed that hard in my life

If you think I was laughing with the little rascals and chusby us be That was funny, but that was the week Okay, let me tell you something. You know me lately. He's been around me for five years If I tell you that at that point every week I had was good but for some reason That particular week of the longest yard

And I still remember who called me and said joey. I know you're a long time. I know you're like marijuana Do you have 800 hours? And I go what's 800 I was gonna get me And he goes joey, I'll come over and bring a sample But I'll tell you what I got three pounds left And I'm gonna bring a sample to another guy when you see this and smoke this you're gonna want this I said, okay He brought me maybe two grams of this shit

I smoked the skinny joint And I almost passed out This was the next level At that point whenever I was smoking after 2004 was good when I got the albuquerque I had that blueberry hill That was good. That got me high When I was a kid I used to smoke chocolate tie in new york from Harlem From the fucking rastafarians, whatever from jamaica. That was the shit that killed mac daddy

But this weed took me to the next level So when he told me 800 for the number he wanted me there was only one man I had the money at the house So I told the guy said, you know what show up with two of them tomorrow Guy showed up with two out of three the next day I'd paint him the next day I went in there and I went to a certain black dude. That was all I said And I said here a smoker joined this The next day he came up to me. He goes, what's the number on that?

And I said what an ounce and he goes no a pound motherfucker And I said give me like 12 12 what pounds 1200 and he goes, you know what? Give him 1200 And I said it's in the trunk of the fucking car And I said I gave you another one he goes give me another 12 That's how fast it went. It was a miracle This weed was tremendous

It fucked you up. What'd you feel? You just felt fucking stoned like goofy. Yeah for 45 minutes You would lose, you know conscience like you couldn't focus on your words this shit Just smoking while you were working. Oh, please we smoked it A lot of people were high in that movie. Oh So here's what happened not me the day that The day that we shoot that scene With the turkey and the cranberry sauce

You were laughing a lot, right? The chicken yeah, the chicken and the cranberry sauce. That was the day you was you on this Oh, and now here's the funny thing about it. There was a group of kids there That mori povich had brought on the show because he was friends with goberg But this was also ironically The day I show up with two pounds of this weed on the set This guy took it in his trailer Started rolling up fucking blunts and started passing them out We smoked this shit

And I'll tell you what I was never so hungry in my life. Yeah, so we're sitting at this table And I'll never forget the cranberry sauce had to be 10 inches from me Let's turn on the cranberry sauce And also somebody else started on the cranberry sauce because eight of us at that table had smoked that shit So everybody was fucking hungry. You don't remember they got mad because we kept eating the chicken and the cranberry sauce They had to go get more and they finally those guys enough. There's no more left We had cranberry so we fucking went nuts That was why we were going nuts

Because we were stoned on the same weed and this weed was so fucking strong And so next level fucking weed Like everyone every eight months you smoke a weed that you're like Jesus christ Yeah, I'm going to the store tomorrow and buying the rest of this and I'm putting in the safe Because this is what I'm going to be smoking when that missile the korean sends over. Yeah, this is what I'll be smoking Hey, you went to another place, huh? Oh my god for 45 minutes Then for about 45 for 40 minutes after that He would just high

And then 30 minutes after that you have to go to your house And eat everything Oh, yeah, the munchies butter and jelly to the potato chips What made you hungry to the fruit to the ice cream anything the blow pop The fucking old money got double dogs the fried rice and devil dogs. Yeah, you wake up the next morning go. Oh my god I'm constipated right at six devil dogs fruit Yeah, anything you could get your hands on whatever your wife bought for the kids, right? That's a gana That goes down the fucking drain the fucking munchies, man

That's crazy. I loved Like I don't know. I always felt fucked up about alcohol Alcohol since day one just wasn't for me, man My mom had the bar I would try from time to time my mom would put my bib my my mind What's that shit the pacifier and blackberry brandy when I was a kid that after taste of whatever I have a friend that drinks vodka I don't see him much but whenever I do

He drinks vodka and I liked one vodka and orange juice with an extra splash of orange juice Can I'm saying yeah that vodka alcohol flavor It gets me gagging all the fucking time. It does, huh? It's not the best Vodka is a little near how about rum like rum I like dark rum with a coke Yeah, a little splash of fucking lemon or cherry Or a lime not bad

I like uh, if I had to if I had a gun to my head a little gin and tonic with a lime A ginger ale with a fucking little do is maybe Seven and seven maybe do is on the rocks. I could dig with more rocks I also like an irish cream on the rocks from time to time The only time I drink is one cocktail on the plane But I'll tell you what the last like six months. I'll even take that cocktail no more. You don't drink wine No, and I should I should drink a nice glass of red wine red wine is good for blood every three days. Yeah, I should drink some wine

I'm not I'm slipping. Thank you for reminding. I see italians believe in wine That's why I lived to 98 gotta have a little even the big fat ones that eats spaghetti once a week The pasta all with a nice steak Thank you for showing up with the garlic with the blue cheese buns and the pizza tonight. You're my pleasure You know, I like to cook Well, you know, I didn't make the pizza, but The bombs are special. What's going on with the sauce we need an investor for the sauce. Yeah, we do need an investor An international investor

I know next sauce. No, this is a uncle nicky's red sauce the last time he was on here Yeah, Lee still talks about the sauce. It was great, right? It was delicious. It was the best sauce I've had it and it was fucking cold I know people are people have been asking me, you know, how do I get it? And I'm we have we need investors Investors come through with this sauce. You're fucking people you should put this fucking You know, we should put this fucking dame We ever hear the old Yankee dame from the 1970s the the song you could bring it up on the fucking So it pumps me up the old Yankee. It's the Yankee

Yankee dame song it gets me fucking going the Yankee in the 70s Get me going. Get me ready for tomorrow. Yeah, put it on put it on this fucking out of respect He's older than you and he's been listening for the Yankees When you were hitting your daddy's parents get the one from the 1970s Yankee theme song I love this. You hit a horn theme song. Yeah theme song from the Yankee theme song. You're gonna love it Go for it, baby I'll tell you what this is. There it is turn it up Listen to this Joey

I was a kid WPAX Bobby Mercer, Thurman Munson Celorino Sanchez Horace clock. Wait, wait, holy cow. Here we come The New York Yankees tomorrow night the baby bomb is beat those fucking Minnesota twins Otherwise my whole week my whole month's gonna be fucking jacked Listen to the uh, listen to the acoustics

Hear the trombone Da-da-da, dude. Oh, this is beautiful. It brings me back to my kid days I'll be watching this. I listen to the whole song on WPAX 11 Oh, man, I wouldn't come out of the house Not until the game was over Now do you still watch the game on the new york feed? Yes Really? Yeah, watch the whole game on the new york on the yes channel now I get the yes channel and then when the games run WPAX I get the baseball

Give me the playoff picture as it stands right now for the people that want your prediction I want the whole thing. What do you got? What you got? You got a dog in this worldly well right now You know tomorrow night the Yankees are playing Minnesota for the wild card game The Yankees won the first wild card that came up two games short of the Red Sox So they now have to play the second wild card team Uh, they used to just be one wild card team with that would play the The wild card team would play the team at the best record

But now because there's two wild card teams a second wild card team you have to play this one stupid Russian roulette game so the Yankees if they get through this game tomorrow night Then then we'll play Cleveland was the best record And then the Red Sox will play Houston and then over in the nationally the Dodgers will play the winner of Wednesday night's nationally wild card game, which is the Diamondbacks and the Rockies The winner of that will play the Dodgers who have the best record in the uh, National League and the Washington Nationals will play the Cubs And the other the other divisions so the winner of the Cubs national will probably play

You know the Dodgers will probably get past the Diamondbacks or the Rockies I think the Diamondbacks will beat the Rockies And I think the Dodgers will beat them and then I think the Cubs will Upset the the Nationals always choke in the playoffs I think the Yankees will beat Minnesota tomorrow night And they'll don't have a hard time against the the Indians But I still like their chances and the Red Sox the Astros the Astros are definitely favored But uh, I wouldn't be sure anything could happen. I think the Astros are nationally

They went from the National League to the American League like the Milwaukee Brewers Just missed out on the playoffs. They were an American League team who transferred, you know, switch leagues It's weird because the Astros were always a National League team They they belong in a National League and the Brewers Really always belonged in the American League, but I don't know why those teams switched leagues But um, it's working. It's working. But the Dream World Series would be the Yankees in the Dodgers I mean if the Yankees could get that far I would be I mean they're coming that baby bombers They had this kid Aaron judge who had an incredible rookie year 52 home runs. He's six foot seven

270 pounds he's and he can fucking hit man He can really and he got hot again. He had a bad month But he came out of it and he's fucking his other kid Gary Sanchez Dominican kid He's some hit it too, but he can't catch the ball. I go he's a catch and a ball goes through his legs He's a little bit on the dumb side, but he can fucking hit He can really hit this kid Diddy Gregorius shortstop. He's had a great year at tomorrow night We got a stud young stud Sanchez Severino going

He's a Dominican kid who put it all together So tomorrow night the key is they got to just get the lead in the game get the lead And and don't get behind and uh, he's got a pitch ahead He can't get behind in the counts if he gets behind you get fucking hurt because anybody could lose one game So, you know one game it's a scary, you know, scary thing. I'm I'm gonna be on edge tomorrow. I got one game Yeah, they got one game. They got a win to to play a series now So the winner of that game will play Cleveland. So, you know tomorrow night, it's fucking it's gonna be touchy Five o'clock. We'll let five o'clock out here eight o'clock there

So, um, you know, it's not gonna be uh, it's not gonna be a comfortable game because anything could happen in one fucking game Anything, you know, how many things could go wrong? I was telling my brother today. He goes, well Hey, you're really pessimistic. You should be had I said, well, I gotta think about what could go wrong Well, what about what could go right? I said never mind what I know what could go right It's what could go wrong is that fucking worries me So because baseball, you know, it's little things that people that are not hardcore fans don't know They don't really understand what went wrong a pass ball an era a stupid fucking play that could change the whole game Could throw the game into whack or you know, you know, watch out

You don't want to have a crooked inning where you give up three four runs in an inning If you're gonna give up a home run, you better make sure nobody's on fucking base Anyway, it's it's you know I'm looking forward to the game, but I'm not because you know, I know that If they don't win that game tomorrow, it's gonna be Who could beat the Dodgers? Who could uh, who could beat the Dodgers? I mean the the Cubs, uh The Cubs could beat the Dodgers

Um, you know, uh, I don't I don't I don't think the diamond backs or the Rockies are gonna beat the Dodgers Uh, I don't think the nationals will beat the Dodgers. I mean the Cubs maybe I think this the Dodgers are gonna go to the world series this year I really do. I mean I Kershaw He's it's about time that he has a great great postseason and they got a fucking stud guy there too Bellinger and seagull them in there and his Puegas having a better year at the wild cuban Um, I think the Dodgers, you know, this is the year they get over to hump and go to the world series possibly win it They have a good the Yankees have a great bullpen too. The Yankees have three great guys So the bullpens are key too. I know red Sox is yelling. No red Sox are playing the Astros. Yeah

They have a great closer that sounds nice, but the red Sox are yeah, well the red Sox have they beat the Astros and the Yankees Look at these, you know, I have that. I've seen zero games. So I have no idea what I'm saying Yeah, so it all starts tomorrow night tomorrow night, uh and wednesday the two wild card games and then friday and saturday We'll start the division series So, you know, let's just hope and pray after tomorrow night, you know Yankee fans have another have something to look forward to because it's a long fucking year 162 to be out of one game It's horrible I'm stoned you're stoned stop with that bottle god damn

I thought it was my bottle fucking cracking people get pissed off. They jump out of their skin Ha ha ha ha ha Good to see you my bro, you're too a pal you look good. Thank the fucking blue cheese muffin Yeah, it was just delicious. I couldn't look at it no more. Don't worry kill me It's like knowing you have something in the refrigerator and you're sitting there watching fucking tv It's 11 30. Not the like good food, you know, you're getting hungry and hungry about a goddamn minute How's your child doing in chicago. He's doing well. He's doing good. Yeah. He's doing good He's a Justin, you know and the Midwest is a little slow, but he likes it. He's writing a lot of fucking rap songs right now

He's got some good shit and not bad. He's getting good at it. You know, it's crazy how after I spoke to you told me I don't know. It's tough for a kid. I was writing about Where I was in 19 the place I moved and I remember that the Theme was it was weird, but this is great. I'm on my own Yeah, nobody fucking knows me. I'm meeting people right people saying hello to me You know, it's gotta be you're 18. Yeah, teen. It's a fucking tremendous great opportunity Yeah, it's a little money in your pocket. You don't want to go to a bar. You can't do anything. Anyway, you're done anyway You can't drink right so you enjoy the little things. Mm-hmm. I'm good with fucking drinking a beer

He went to see Hamilton there. Yeah, he went to the fights over there. He was hanging out with Paulie Mollinage one night So he's experiencing things. I'm like man, that's fucking great. He lives in the door He lives in a building like right in the city. Yeah, a lot of kids, you know They're watching Game of Thrones and all this shit. What you do. Yeah, it's a little different in the house But you know what I'm adjusting Well, you know, he had such a bit the kids were always there all the crispy boys at the house was always filled with You know with all his people and so now it's like wow everybody's gone You know my daughter's still there and she's doing this crew box thing that she's you got to come out and do a class

It's fucking good in West Hollywood. She's an instructor. It's really it's a good workout. You bought you guys You would like this crew box And fucking sweat it out man That's any mush. Oh my god. Hey, I think he's bad He's getting so bad by watching the team now, oh man, he's been watching doing the Patriots They're one and three with him with him watching. Yeah, you don't want to do another turn to He jinxed him. You got to watch another team that you hate from now on and they believe you like him and go against the wing That's you got to watch the Jets of Miami. It's just one two games. I said we're gonna not even win a game and

Football is so mediocre now. I'm not a hardcore football guy, but you know for me baseball is everything I mean, I grew up in football. I love I love I love that Sunday night family game. I've been watching the quarter lately three four plays I don't I don't care about what's going on right now. Remember when we were kids this weekend Saturday night this weekend football something it was beautiful the guy had a great voice to watch the highlights I missed that simplicity of sports now. It's 24 7 In your face. Everybody's got a network. Everybody's got

Analyzation it's the like when sports there was more to the imagination every sport, you know, you couldn't see every game You had to listen to the game. You had to wait for the game now these fuckers are on You know all day long the same shit 24. I'm like it's overkill. Do I need to hear this shit all day? I want to have some something to dream about, you know, it's just like if you want to be with a woman You don't want to see her all the time You want to have something to look forward to? That's the problem with sports You're correct

Correct. I know you I thought Lee was gonna say something. What you fuck up my shit? God, what were you gonna say? Oh, well, no, I I was thinking about that today because I was watching the uh I was the the video for the uh, 2004 world series And I was in high school I'm pretty sure maybe your eighth grade And I just can't I I can't explain how happy I got watching that video today. I watched the first like 45 minutes Oh, he's a red south fan. So yeah, and it was I

Like they don't have social media then And I get it. I like I totally get why they have it now But there's like a mystique to it. Like what Nick was saying And like I just got emotional thinking about how like that team like really the whole town Like everywhere you went It wasn't even like it was just like instead of hello like The red talks like to see that last night Like it was pretty good. It was amazing, you know, this is abundance of podcast

And they're coming in with shows now or whatever and I don't get angry Some of my business is a free country. That's why we live in this country. We each have opportunities But I gotta tell you what I don't want to hear anymore. It's like sports shows If you can't sleep like a guy like me some nights I get home Can't sleep, you know, I get home at 11. It's not gonna happen till one. I'm already committed to it I'll watch those espn shows just so I know I try to learn what's going on right and they're unwatchable Especially the ones that they talk shows and they argue about sports. I'm over that. Why should I feel stressed out? About the Yankees or the Redskins?

Excuse me, sir. It stresses you out those shows Yeah, the arguing the yelling When I think you're wrong sir, man, I see the Minnesota Vikings is underdogs here Because you know what I like In new york w fan, you know sports talk radio But in the middle of the night 3 30 in the morning Put that little fucking radio on transistor And you hear some nut job caller in middle three o'clock unbelievable. I'm great

He's talking to this fucking guy at night Middle of the night overnight guy. I find it soothing. I find it like You know these guys up people are up three o'clock 3 30 for making phone calls and arguing about Talking shit. They got to train him. He's a fucking boss. No, this is radio, right? I know right now Right now what are we gonna do? I try I had a buddy But it's funny we used to shoot heroin and listen to that shit And then there were 20 minutes getting involved like you'd go for the phone. Yeah, you forget the phone number Yeah, and he'd go back to sleep

Then the argument would come Yeah, you think you're dreaming of some shit. It was probably that fucking radio on him by your ear. It's nice It's funny little low radio my mother used to keep a little low radio on and then I would fuck with him I would grab his ankle Yeah, and fucking pull his leg and I go he go one dog and I go hurry up They want to know if you want to talk to pete rose on the phone I torment them four times. Really? Oh my god, those are You know, it's so funny

When you're going through shit that is not enjoyable in your life you go through rough paths There's always this bright light In 93 I was going through the worst part of my divorce The cards were gone the car was gone I was trying to do comedy. That's all I really wanted to do I didn't want to do a day job But I found the pigeon who had a bunch of valiums for sale For like 35 cents on the dollar

And I told him to give me a box and then I'd be back on a week and I never came back I stayed in fucking jersey And I was fighting it out in 1993 in new york city The summer yeah delivering phones delivering packages Selling tickets for a comedy club. I'm just learning the ropes, you know But my roommate at the time was on heroin And it was my own private little reality show And my job was just to torture

But that was his thing That'd be sleeping and all of a sudden he had like a conversation in the middle of the night And I wake up and I'm like what the fuck and it'd be george On heroin like this With his mouth open with the fucking string around his arm still With a little blood coming out of his arm. Wow, and he'd be laying there fucking listening to Sports radio and then the argument wouldn't sue and he would just get up out of nowhere and start arguing with me Dog that's bullshit

The Yankees have been doing worse since they signed that guy with the fuck's ass. Oh, no What do you say the number was? And I feel him like a fake number and he'd go for the phone Pick up the phone and start dialing and then he'd say to me what's the number and he'd light a cigarette And he and he'd forget the number and he go what's the number? I go Do what and I give him the house phone number And he would call the house phone number like three numbers and he would just pass out

And then I would leave him like that For about 25 minutes. I go out and watch tv or the news Leave him with the cigarette burning his mouth. Oh my god, you know me. I'm a torture I come back 15 minutes later The cigarette's The cigarette's about to burn him And I wake him up and go george what happened to pete rose he's like, huh And I go fucking Pete roses on the phone

You were gonna talk to him about the 1973 world series. He goes Oh Pete We don't beat There was no pete there. No pete thought I would laugh my ass off with this kid. Nick. Oh, that's funny shit And it was every night when I got home So I get home from the city working all day 9 30 And he'd already be on fire or he'd be waiting for grandma to go to bed because grandma knew he was a heroin junkie

So she'd watch him like a hawk. Wow. So about 11 15 dog He'd be scratching the skin off his fucking arms And once she crawled on the bed Just thinking about it makes me laugh because he'd be like the tv's Sabbath bloody Sabbath And he'd be watching the tv very thing Like press like it wasn't bought but I knew he was eating himself up alive inside Every minute Sometimes I knew he wanted her to go in and I would know I knew

That if I kept grandma out there it would torture him. So so Every time she could go, okay I'm gonna go no no no grandma wants his part in the movie and he would turn pale He would turn pale He would turn pale. I did this for my two times Then I'd tell her now grandma go to bed the part's not too late And he she wouldn't be inside but 10 seconds like he would Do you he good night? Good night grandma?

He may believe like nothing was happening And all of a sudden at the count of 10 He'd just get up and run to his fucking bathroom. He'd have the the work sitting already in there He'd have the heroin in the syringe He was ready to go And he'd fucking go in the bathroom flag himself up I'd count like the 15th and then I'd knock on grandma's door Or they had a big gong in the hallway

And I would hit the gong and then go back to the chair And then she would come out with a robot What the fuck is that? And I go what grandma she goes somebody here What what happened and like I'm not in grandma. That's why she goes Where's George? And then I go I don't know grandma. I think he's in the bedroom. I try to throw her off And he he would hear me like I think he's in the bedroom sleeping grandma

Where is George? And I see the bedroom light. Did you leave the bathroom light? Hold on. Let me see George And she'd shoot back there and open the door George. George is not in here. That's George in the fucking battle And she would run to the bathroom and start banging on the door George Open the bathroom and George would open the bathroom all fucked up Oh my god, he'd hide the syringe. You could still smell she'd run in there. I smell that shit I smell that shit. I smell it here open that fucking window. Oh, she knew. Oh, she everybody knew What year was this?

1993 was the best was grandma went to Panama for a month And he moved into her little bedroom George George and at that time How he made a living was He chipped him for rent And what he did was he sub rented himself As a a framer once a month. He's very good at framing pictures. Yeah, that's where he did Does for a living tremendous. Oh, you mean today?

Still at that time when he was doing the age For a while that he dropped out lived off his living sold his car But then once he tried to get back on his feet, he went to like his first rehab. He was still getting high a little bit That was fucking rough because I was a mess I was living and working in Manhattan. So on the way home I'd stop up on 178th street And pick up a gram of food for 35 bucks I'd take the bus like nothing happened over the bridge. I go home do a couple bumps watch tv Jerk off call an ex-girlfriend trying to make her come over and suck my dick

She'd say no, you know stupid shit. I was a kid. Yeah, I was on coke, but he was back that doing age So he got a job As a framer And he cut a deal with them to work for 10 hour days And because he was that good he goes, I don't want to fuck around I want to work for 10 hour days and have three days off. Oh my god framing houses framing pictures on pitch and a mall in Paramus We lived in close side park

They were paying them a good hourly wage and a base salary and a percentage of what pictures Whatever he framed that they sold He was making a nice dollar and he was working brother And he would probably do a little taste of heroin in the morning to keep him together all day And I had a couple friends that were on heroin. I had him in bonehead. I had another friend bonehead He was always on heroin. He had his own plumbing business You wouldn't know it because in the daytime he was a businessman at night we go into our fucking

Washington Square Park and gonna Mix all these ale house and fucking get Pills and fucking heroin from and he'd disappear in the bathroom And I'd have to drive the van home. It was tremendous when you were a kid this tremendous shit But that other guy, what did heroin do it? What kind of high is that? But yeah, that's pretty Oh my god Being a kid and going to the Bronx in the early 70s those people wherever you went. Yeah Not on the cross line waiting for the light to change

It's a fucking crazy. That's a bad drug. That's a bad drug, right? And the shit they were pumping into you know, all that American gangster And nicky barns and a lot of stories. Let me tell you something like any other criminal enterprise in the movie It looks alluring and it looks okay, and we do it But what they did to that community No matter how generous nicky barn was or the character that uh Uh

Played before he was Denzel's, you know when Denzel was his bodyguard that guy. Yeah, they were both generous businessmen But their general business was heroin, right, which was just Fucking destroyed destroyed a lot of lives a lot of people and then the mafia cutting on the business the jews had it first Then the mafia cutting on it, you know, because it was fucking you a $50,000 investment You walk away with $400,000 profit Yeah, well not quite like me and you 400,000 Takes us three weeks to sell it. What are you fucking nuts? We're doing one of those every month. Yeah 200 g's a month to stand on the corner

We're gonna stand that stupid fucking corner. That's why the old wise guys They didn't want you to mess around with uh, they call it babania or something because it's a lot of dough But if you sold it and I'm your captain Did you tell me it's book making money even though I've heard rumors that you're selling heroin? I'm still gonna take it Right, it was always a very two-edged sword, right if you know how to present it the right way presented Yeah, now if they question you if they found out What corner am I in? Yeah, what corner am I?

Well, no, they said you're in cahoots with joe dears. No, no, no. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I know joe dears for 10 years I know he does something he came to me for an all-purpose loan. He's paying big payments That's my partner showing him So you're not in the heroin business. No, I get payments on him from fucking new things. Yeah, why do you tell somebody he's in business with me? I don't know. Was he in a mess How big is your envelope color? I'm getting a big envelope. What do you care where it's coming from? It's not heroin. Let's move on and that's what You're making money. I'm making money. Lee's getting in that envelope. Oh, you're the biggest. What's going on? No, I'm happy Yeah, what's going on? That's that's what happened

If I say no to you If I say you can't fuck fucking medicine he has no more All right, you're gonna stop fucking medicine he has But how can I tell you to stop doing something that I'm trying to make money on? Don't you want free money? If I came to you every week and gave you five hundred dollars every Friday And you took it and your wife said you don't take it no more He's a child pornographer

Are you gonna take my nickel every week? Or are you gonna turn your back? Who knows who knows what people's judgment is. Yeah, but that's what the mafia did. They didn't care Yeah Right, they don't fucking give a fuck Look at at the end. They all found out they were all selling heroin At the end at the end. Yeah, all of them were double crossing each other Right. All of them said don't do this don't do that. But the and then there's a way to tip to around the what if

Lee wants to get into heroin but Lee could only move three kilos a month But I know a way for Lee to sell eight kilos a month. The only problem is Lee's got to run the whole operation What I'm gonna do is is get Lee started Right. And Lee's I'm an owner. I'm 50% in Lee's not in the mafia doesn't matter Lee's selling the heroin and He's loyal and he's gonna give me 50% Which you're gonna get a fucking taste of nicky What the fuck do you give a fuck?

And then you're gonna come through and then he goes, bro, there's a thousand rumors going around that you sell heroin No Who am I selling heroin with the fucking little Jew? No I lent him money If he sells heroin, that's his business right how he pays my loan back That's my fucking business. You get a piece of those loans, right? Well, I didn't know you put it that way. Yeah, there's no drug involved Whatever he does. He's a Jew. He's gonna do what I said

He ain't bothered though, but he wants to move 22 pounds of heroin He's a Jew. Yeah, he ain't bothering nobody now Now let's pretend He I did blend him money and he's paying me back But at the end of the month, he's starting to reach out. He's fucking around with the Chinese Yeah, he's fucking around with some brothers up in home. Yeah, did you don't feel safe? So the Jew wants to pay us a taste so he could throw our name around right That's it. That's it

They don't know that you're going out at night with a fucking half a package worth 82 000 dollars right Taking it to Florida the fucking Some Puerto Ricans down there Waiting for the fucking envelope. They don't know that they don't care. They don't want to know you don't need to tell them If you went to your captain and said listen I'm doing a heroin deal

And I'm gonna make 80 000 on the way back. I'm gonna come over and drop 30 Yeah, fuck you You think that guy's gonna tell you don't do the deal Fuck you. You're like him 30 g's out of your 80 and nobody knows nothing He don't have to give a taste upstairs. He could give a taste upstairs and tell him it's anything Just to cover his ass In case you ever tell him there was heroin money So he'll take it

But he'll give a piece upstairs. This is something nicky bumped into right what do you mean nicky bumped into? Yeah, I don't know when he bumped into something with the fucking music industry He's running up and around with a bunch of fucking little Italian kids jumping up and down the town That's it Nicky gets busted for heroin Didn't you bring me money? Nicky? Yeah, I don't fucking know He's not with me But I liked the money years ago. All of a sudden he came to me and he said he was reaching out

And if he gave me a little taste would I protect him? I don't need to know what his business was like. He was selling hot shoes That's it right and besides I gave you a taste That's what that was. Yeah, you know, I wouldn't give you drug money. Yeah, forget it Everybody looks the other way. Yeah. No, they don't give a fuck till it now on paper If you're selling heroin and you give me 10 grand a week I don't give a fuck That's 40 000 a month Can you imagine somebody having hand in you 480 000 a year and he reports just to you

Kim the other guy Paul Castellano had two dudes Then they just reported to him one guy That was on the board of directors Of tannin bombs That guy I forget what his name is Board of directors of tannin bombs like that in supermarket and all over new york, whatever And I was telling leader what this guy did Was he put an extra lane in every supermarket?

That the store didn't know about That went right upstairs to the mob. Can you imagine? Oh really? They had I don't know how many supermarkets. What was the lane consist of? Check out 1970 it was it was lane number 13. Oh that corporate head out the corporate headquarters never knew about So all that money went right to the mafia the lane number 13 at all. That was a mob lane mob lanes So if you want to enroll 13 Whatever went into that cash register Nobody knew about a guy came every day emptied

And took it to the fucking took it to a room and threw it in the kick It could be three four hundred dollars, but what if you got what was that store? Strout tannin bombs or something. Wow It's a really fucked up world, bro. What people do for cash. It don't matter. They don't give a fuck What do you think Lisa? Yeah, how you feeling buddy? You're fucked up. It's all over You're lucky up on nick brought you some pizza and a napkin He was here before you had to hear him people he's like I don't know. You shouldn't you should take the pizza with you. I'm gonna throw it away anyway

You can have it. I know you can have it. He's a sad one. He did up. He put it me up Don't put it. No, don't put it was that constant or it is Yeah, we don't want to put that in the microwave. We need another couple of stars now Look, I'll say he's ready. He ain't ready. He knows. You know what drug I had when I had the epidurals last year the The Michael Jackson drug that was fucking good. I gotta tell you that how they give it to you It put me on my stomach everybody in the room and an injection. I guess they froze me and And they said we're gonna give you this fucking proper thought you're gonna go out in 10 seconds

But I'll tell you where I went to like some happy Happy fucking place. I was so happy Like you have a dream where you feel like yeah, I mean I I never was so happy and then I woke up crying ball and like Crying my ass off, but I was so happy when I took that drug Wonder why Michael got That's a powerful drug Can you imagine why you feel that happy of your body like it just takes over your dopamine like you've been calling me. It was weird Yeah, it's it's weird. I was in this place when you have surgery very very happy place. Yeah, warm

It's warm and I woke up and I was crying and I was it's a weird fucking feel But when you go out those first fucking six or seven minutes, I can't believe they said you know you're gonna be out in 10 seconds I said you sure you sure I don't remember nothing after that. You're talking shit Yeah, they taped those you're dead. No shit for like an hour after you have one guy talk talk to me when I had My elbow. He said my eyeballs were open the whole time and I was talking smack through the whole thing I said really you said yeah, because you were really funny your eyes were wide open I said they were wide open it goes wide open And you were talking

non-stop It's crazy what you're saying When you don't know what you're saying Because dreaming is weird, you know I hate those fucking dreams where you're trying to wake up. You can't wake up Man, and you're fighting the dream, you know, I have weird dreams in hotels I do too Especially when I have to eat edibles to fall asleep

But I have to eat edibles to help me go to sleep and I go overboard to get really high You go to sleep and your dreams are in color and vivid And you have retarded dreams and dreams that I left my wife and daughter To go back with my high school sweetheart Who got rid of her fucking boyfriend to live down in rums in new jersey. Oh boy This chick sucked 80 dicks Oh, my god, by the time she was 25 I'm gonna leave my wife to go back

And I woke up So many dicks were in and out I woke up thinking what the fuck and I like I still talk to I like I respect the The blood the blood jump girl Which one yeah, whatever. I still love it at that. She's like one of my favorite people She always had my back But I had one of those dreams this weekend And I had a dream that I was somewhere

And my wife came in with a baby And she didn't bring the baby over or she didn't come home and say hello So I went up to her a little while later. They go, why don't you come up to me? And she goes which end I'm doing last night and I go nothing And she goes I come Somebody called and said you're on the run Cops are looking for you for like a a stabbing or something that was horrible Wow, that was horrible in the dream in the dream. I thought the cops were looking for me. That's horrible

I don't even know what the cops are looking for me before I can't lie I don't know why but I remember telling my wife. Why didn't you come to me? She's like I couldn't The cops were about to arrest you. They were standing like 20 feet from me Why were they gonna arrest me and I don't know after that. Oh, no, you go to that stupid mumbo jumbo talking about where did they meet anything dreams? Yes, they do. I think so What do you think? Oh I don't know. I think it has to have definitely has to do with what you're thinking about at the moment

But they have deja vu's links all the time airports planes Stuff like that. Do you feel you were there before? Yeah, really? It's interesting. I always thought so too. I get them once not not every time when I was a kid. I got him so much That before I even heard that mumbo jumbo about reincarnation. I thought I was reincarnated Like I knew I had lived before I knew all that stuff that's fucking crazy to admit, but that's the truth you go to church Joey Uh, lately Evan, I'll hit it this sunday. I'll hit a 730 mass this sunday if I can't

It's very interesting for me now how I feel about it There's no pressure When I go I have a great time take the bread Sure, sure drink the wine. No, no, no never that gives you the fucking flu. It's dirty Lots of people don't brush their teeth. I know when they're gonna see how I drink it. I put my I put my mouth Above the thing like that's man. It's chef. It's telling me. I know it's been a show It's bad for some reason. I get a kick out of it. Don't drink that shit That shit makes you sick as a dog. You think so I know for a fact

sources It don't it don't take a fucking genius to know that Drinking out of a cup that a hundred people in a drinker And let's say your number passed 10. Yeah your odds go up more every time you stop now. You got my head No, no, no, no, you tell them beautiful. Thank you, but none next time You eat the cookie you say a prayer and a ronka you put a film in the basket. Yeah A ronka means let's go. Let's go. A ronka. That's good. Yeah, no, it's pretty funny. How

My philosophy on church, especially How much I believed And when I stepped away, although, you know, once your mom dies at 16, you lose you believe What god takes your mother at 16? No god. Fuck it. I'm not going to fucking church no more Well, we're gonna go to church. It's all bullshit. Yeah, so I stepped the fuck out of it after I got locked up I went back to church for a while and I liked it The guy married me. I went to church on my own there on sunday

But I got forced into that communist mask the 11 o'clock. That's too much time from uncle joey That's too much commitment that I would have for a week. Hey, what I've been doing is the five o'clock Five o'clock is the sunday. Not bad. No, I found one with a lot of good music half hour. Yeah 40 men, but the music's good You know, my son's school. I was going to his school masses last few years Did a karma lights I actually like maybe because it was a high school I don't know. I just kind of dug the karma lights a little bit a little different just a little different style

It's a little Catholic. Yeah, the catholic the cap, but they wear brown They wear brown and um, I don't know. They just seem Not as up, you know, I don't know. They just seem maybe not as uptight as the The regular priests and on but they're you know, the catholics too Music's are pretty good. I like the music Like I said, I enjoyed twice a month now. How does your daughter now for an ass? Wow She's not right. She goes to have much air through the mother down the corner Some whatever stomach in church

Uh at four and a half. I can't believe you have a daughter four and a half. That's wild Really And it gets wild every day that can you went to it? She's four and a half She's a girly girl tonight. She was showing me a new dress that she got with mommy on Saturday She loves the skirt daddy. Don't you love the skirt? You know little girls are the best. She's the goods Yeah, when they get older they get very complicated But when they're little there's something about little girls. They're just like the most sweetest things They're just so innocent. She runs the joint. Yeah, there's a there's a scene

Nicos when his brother-in-law comes to visit him And Pablo tells him he goes Jesus. She's getting bigger every day She's beautiful and Pablo goes brother At the end of the day she runs the house. I just pay the bills and she tells me what to do And that's exactly how I live and people I had to meet somebody this morning I told the listen. I thought I thought the schedule this week was I'll pick her up at school at 5 30 We're cool

I'm packing my computer. I'm packing my notebook. I'm ready to go meet this cat. She comes in this morning Daddy, where you going? I'm gonna go meet. No, no, no You're taking me to school. You want to go and I go I got no choice. Do I choose no Your daughter says yeah, she was let's go Turn off the light. It was hysterical. She tells me to turn off the light. She says turn off the light Remember when she slammed the door on my face. Oh, yeah, she's just funny, huh? She's funny. She what's her name? Mercy, so she gives me she walks me to the door Daddy, let's go. Come on daddy

Come on daddy I walk outside. I open the door. She jumps in like the mother puts a seatbelt on You know, it's a whole thing in the morning this morning. I walked in with a I took the fucking lunch thing from her I took the cup out put it in the box for her and I walked into the refrigerator. She goes no daddy give it back to me I want to put it in You know, it's a fucking trip like that's it like I'm her assistant Yeah, you know, there's a time when I could be fucking

Busy as fuck at the computer I have three pages up. I'm about to book a plane ticket I got this all front of the table. I want to see if I can make the date I got to call them back by 4 30 This guy keeps calling me this guy keeps calling me And I'm ready to fucking put the deal together. I'm ready to go and she comes in And I got earphones on With music so I can't hear

And she'll come in dog tap me. I look at the giver kiss and she'll push me at the same time Put her leg over my leg and crawl up and go daddy put on trolls And that's it. Yeah, I gotta close all three files Go to youtube And she types it in for the last year. I had her type in everything TR With the other one the other one this come by the the the fucking smurfs Yeah, so everything we type in I make a type of it since for a year now

F P Z Doesn't matter how old she's smart or sit down for a little while and when she she'll go daddy down Daddy down that means I have to scroll for right, but about a week ago I got up to go and talk on the phone. She figured it out. That's it. Wow So now I'll be sitting there with her. She'll try to be sweet touch my face

Take on my hand Giggle and then after that video ends as soon as the switch is you're looking me go daddy Can you go now? Like what do you mean go? I'm watching this for you. She goes daddy. Can you go now? That means it's it And she'll get up off me and I'll get up She'll sit on the chair. I push her in And I go in the living room and I listen for how to go daddy That means I gotta go in there and press the video, but now she figured out how to do that

So she'll sit in my office for an hour now talk Because she knows how to click the videos. She knows how to skip to the fucking commercials Lee Yeah Unbelievable what they learned. No, and this is what I live with. I live on Borrowed time and I wake up in the morning. I don't know if she's coming in the room, right? I hope she does. She's my daughter, but I don't want to be manhandled either. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, just She's just a gorilla. She'll sit there playing me like a fucking fiddle

Last night I got home. She goes daddy come and sleep with me. Listen You know, my ears fucked up and I can't have you hit it with your foot or your fucking head some Tomorrow night. I forgot to be in the bed Yeah, she does it every sunday night every other sunday. We let her sleep with us on sunday night We have family night We watch a movie Then her and the mother eat popcorn and they go to bed and then I come in like an hour later So, uh

Last night she asked are we doing it today? Oh, no, it's next sunday but What I'll do is if my ear didn't hurt I would do it this week, but I'll do tomorrow night I forgot I even said that to her She got home from school today She didn't and she got next to me. We watch tv We watch woolly kazam coconuts She rubbed my legs. She rubbed my finger

And then she goes daddy. How's she here? And they go pretty good and she goes see I kissed it. I made it better That means I can sleep with you guys tonight. I go god damn it I forgot she set me up this afternoon. So Listen man, you learn from your children You see yourself you think of yourself at that age You're like, what the fuck was I doing that four and a half? Yeah, I was running around the bar She's a little daycare with a bunch of hindu kids. They're all twins. There's more hindu twins at that school

There's three sets of hindu twins And there was four and two of them went back to india And they were adorable two girls. They were adorable if these two girls I was this close from going neck come pick me up Forget about it. We're going to manage these two hindu girls show up in there with a Pilot for disney whatever About two indian girls a little bit of black family at home. Forget about it. We're making billions

A lot of money. We cut that dude in from Atlanta dresses up like a woman. Yeah, they got abused by his father. What's his name? What's his name that shoots all his movies in atlanta guys Oh, that guy Tyler Perry Tyler Perry and we tell him this is a black spectacle Oh, man, that's a home run a black family adopts two hindu twins in the Bronx Are you kidding me in the after a while? They're becoming a band. We put them on empire And then it's like cross pollination. It's like when the green horned when I'm Batman. We just set them loose after That does sound like a home run What do you think you're dealing with joy bananas?

What do you got coming out on dvd anything? There's nothing out there. You're like me I got a couple of you got shit hidden. I know you you shot shit four years ago. That's getting finished now I got a couple of things. I mean, I got this couple of uh, this movie called the list I got a couple of a couple of horror flicks. I don't even know the name of them Um, then I'm trying to still sell this pilot over the hill, which I don't know We might find a digital platform for that Uh, next week. I'll be on the kevin kevin jameshow Um, you know a lot of a lot of little things

Things that I'm not really, you know that excited about right now I'd be much happier if we could sell this little show. I did because there's actually some good shit in it So we'll see maybe one of these companies hulu or youtube red. I mean You know, as they say everybody's looking for content, but you know until you get out there with your show Yeah, you know, well, we have something similar. Well, we do. Yeah, we have something similar Yeah, I was in the guy in the Netflix was like, we're talking about the aziz show. I go, yeah, it's funny I go, but what does that got to do with my show? It's not I'm nothing like him, you know, I don't

I feel like I'm the last of the more. I don't know. I feel like a guy who's like You know, it's like, you know, you're just trying to find your way And it's like I've been doing a lot of little shit, but it's like This was kind of fun to do because I felt like I actually did something even though it's not perfect. I feel like I actually did some good stuff in it But you need the proper writers the proper support to get it to the place where it could be good It could be good Because and I either was in it. It was really funny

You need an hbo show or a showtime show. That's what I need showtime That'll give you an hour to express yourself when it's comedically drama Yeah, you know, which is a good little last hurrah to go out with five years on hbo That's what I'm looking for if you go out like juniors are brown like a soldier You end up at a retard home with a bird on your shoulder and tony s comes to visit you and ask you if you still remember him Yeah, I mean, I've been watching dice. You know, it's not bad. You ran north jersey. Yeah, that's it You know, I mean, so what episode of dice did you watch tonight the new season? I watched the new season last night where he was like he had a part in a

In a martin scorsese movie that his best friend wrote milkshake And it was in this freaking swedish guy was screaming was the director And then michael period he played like the star of it. He was playing the guy based on dice He was a little over the top But uh dice played like his best friend And dice was actually good in it, but he wound up getting fired. He wound up getting fired And then mickey rock was in his house mickey rock who looks

I love mickey rock. He just doesn't look really good And he was like mickey. What are you doing here? What are you doing in my house mickey? And mickey was like out to fucking like kill himself and kill him at the end, but you know dice talked him out of it And then I watched a little bit of the first uh episode of curb A man larry david's back. It's funny. Shit, man Fucking larry david makes me laugh. You like larry david. I forgot he was even on. Yeah, he's back man with jb smooth Fucking funny jb smooth became he fired his assistant and he was like give me that motherfucking job jb smooth was funny

And uh, oh man, he just cracks me up larry. I like larry david One thing we gotta give a shout out to our boy. My brother felipe sparser. Yes his hbo special lee went to the event And uh all good man. Thank you guys. We're all from the bottom of my heart for supporting him He was on the show last week And uh, we saved him for the end of the month to help him Get eyeballs on his special and you guys fucking came through So thank you very much for that. Thank you for the support on my niece She's going home tomorrow

She had the uh last bone marrow test today. She'll get the result in 24 hours But again, thank you for all your support donations and love. It's been a rough Two or three months between florida houston Puerto Rico And all everybody on fucking social media asking you for a buck It's been difficult. So thank you very much, especially going to the holiday season, man And that's it my brother uncle nicky poo. We need that sauce. Yeah, you'll get that sauce me and honest to God, there's people we'll show you

We're gonna get it out of that sauce with the bread. Yeah, that's all how you sell it. You open Listen, we make the sauce but the secret is I want people to stop And pay 7.99 for six slices of bread And a container of that sauce to get forget the spaghetti and meatballs Eat with the carbs. You might die tomorrow. That's the motto of the company Eat the carbs. You might die tomorrow Fresh nice Italian bread sliced

A little bit of month to keep pretty good sauce for a jar, huh? And you dip it into that fucking cold sauce or warm however you want it We give you a cup and that was the right bread. I know that was fucking delicious if you love food I know that especially if you want to eat at night and keep it light Six thin slices of bread ain't gonna send you to the hospital. I'm supposed to be gonna get up and run away You wake up a little carbs The amari napta sauce puts your fucking staminke juice ready for a little fucking juice in there Yeah, and that's it. I mean exactly how they do. No, I know. I mean, uh, I have my little secret

So what's your secret for the world series? What's the route the Yankees Beat tomorrow when tomorrow night the Twinkies Yankees beat the Twinkies tomorrow night Then they play and then we play the Cleveland Indians. We upset them. Oh, shit in four games. Oh, shit Then we take the red socks. Oh, I just smack them like smack them smack them in six. What do you think Lee? I will why why are we two games ahead in the a least? Yeah, I don't know. I haven't I haven't watched the season's over Playoffs to start next week. Oh, that's bullshit. The season new season. I know that second I'm not even talking shit. I was dancing

Who was the better team? Well, the Yankees are definitely a better team than the red. I think they're a better team than the red side You know the red socks beat them by two games Yankees beat them head to head 11 to 8. Okay, so but you know that doesn't mean shit now Because now it's a new year postseason So it don't matter what you did now you're now you're in the dance. Can you win it? Who has better pitching? Uh The Yankees have a deeper bullpen. They have a great closer on grud kimball

Better starters though Well, you got chris sell you got one stud, but he's never won in the postseason All right, it's close and prices in the bullpen now places don't pretty good Yeah, he's doing throwing bullets out of the bullpen Even though he's never done anything in the postseason, but he could be a good weapon out of the bullpen I actually think that's a good move for them. That seems to be working out I gotta be optimistic, you know, they call with a baby bombers young guns I'm not saying we're gonna go all the way, but I think we're gonna make some noise

You always have to root for a red sox Yankees series. I always root for that. There's nothing like Yankee The Yankee Red Sox brings out the hatred in me You know, it's like the cousin that you hate It's the cousin you fucking despise, but you know, you respect them There's something about the Yankees in the red sock when you get them together It's magical and fenway is awesome Not like that new Yankee stadium. I mean you'll see tomorrow night. There'll be these rich seats and then half of them are fucking empty You know, they should put seat fillers in there and pack them in

People got to stay in their seats a Yankee stadium. Yeah, he's fucking seats that are always empty Now what happened yesterday at the Dodger? What happened at one of the stadiums football yesterday? It was so empty They had to put tarp on the fucking stadium or some shit. Is that the charges of charges one of those? This is a moronic. They can't even support the Rams. Why would you move another team? You know down here the charges who really belong in San Diego keep them in San Diego Don't move them here. I mean, it's bad. You got the Rams back who eventually work from here Can they move back now though? That's what could they they lost face

Well, unless somebody builds a stadium, you know, but I don't know these guys that want a new stadium and then You know, but they got a good fan base there San Diego's this little sports town LA is not really a sports town. They have staff sports fans here, but they're not it's not really a sports town I sit here and I listen to you And I can't uh tell you how much the baseball world Needs a baseball podcast with that voice and that passion, especially for the Yankees I don't I think you could do the whole thing Yeah, I think your whole spectrum is the Yankees and fighting for the Yankees

Yeah, that's what my whole having people call you and argue with you and you light them on fire and oh Time to time I get them. I think that's your show, right? Maybe that's maybe Listen, I'm good to always have you you fucking show up with a pizza like a gentleman. That's it. Most people show up empty-handed I don't like to come in to here You know, I always tell the it's a good show. I always tell Lee. He should do things certain ways the east coast way, you know There's been a couple situations lately where You hate to say it somebody's in the jam Somebody's kids get married

And you as an adult and a human being go, you know what next always been good to me his daughter's getting married Let me do the right thing and you uh You're broke wedding present And then you put money in the envelope because you're busy working that weekend. It was mega's working, you know Yeah, they said to me go Jesus Christ. They never sent a saying thank you no And they got married in june It's fucking like coba And you're like a shame on them. I mean, you know, what are you gonna do?

There was somebody else that my wife did something She never got a thank you card No manners somebody that I get no thank you card. I get home sunday And there's a card on my desk when I look at it And it's on my buddy the daughter's my daughter's godfather And I opened it and it's a thank you card for the flowers when his dad died September fucking like eight or something

And I'm like you see I'm saying people think I'm wrong about shit There's still people who think like me, right? They didn't wait a month like this is this is ridiculous because I came home That cash was in that envelope I might did a mantle for two months And we looked at each other like when we're gonna spend this cash obviously she's not gonna come together When I went over I gave the envelope to the dad

I still haven't heard a fucking thank you Nothing. It's amazing how people take shit for granted. Oh, I know It really you know what that means It just means a lot when you when someone is there or does something and you just say hey I appreciate that. No, no, no just the you know this this generation. They're not They barely ever say, you know, I mean you get some kids, you know I've been around a lot of kids the last few years and you know, you see the ones that have manners I've treated them here there. I'm like I treat them like they're my extended family, but

The ones that really appreciate, you know, and then there's takers the ones that they come in they trash the joint They leave like animals. They don't pick up after and like, you know, you just you get even even some family members I don't want to name names, but You know, you know, you just go There's fucking gov owns, you know, it's like, you know, just have some manners Nobody has manners man. No more they come they eat they walk out like animals You know the people that took me in when my mother died. I knew them for like five years I was going to the house every Wednesdays and eating pasta

But the main thing how I got tight with them was because they got a pool And when you got a built-in pool in 1970 you were the hot commodity in neighborhood So everybody came everybody came to your house jumped in the pool People who got even though you had a party and they won on the list They would still get in and jump in your pool And after they pissed in your pool and shit scratched their balls They left the pool as is they left a mask out The thing they were blowing out up the things out

And I had a pool for I had the above ground pool when we were all above ground. Yeah, well Yeah, we had no funny somebody punctured the fucking net and then the pool drains That happened every year. That's how the summer ends Somebody jumps in there with a knife in their pocket And next thing you're fucking stabbed along to the next day and you got two feet of water and it's green It turns green immediately. Yeah, it's fucking quick with that thing ain't running You see all the piss right then you got a chance to glue the side and fill it up with fresh water and It's still cold for three fucking days, but oh my god, my memories are clean in that pool

Every morning you have to get up and take the leaves off the top And then you had to put the vacuum on the bottom of the pool And take the algae off the pool where they would develop like this Then you had to test the water Yeah, those were your above ground and then the other probably go to the benders And test their pool like it was crazy. If you had an in-ground it you thought the people were rich, you know Yeah, when you had an in-ground pool and may you were a movie star Fucking Sinatra was coming over to hang out. I had my first fucking house

I bought in Tarzanam and the reason I bought it the pool looked like a pond and had a grotto and I I was like, wow, I couldn't believe I had this. I was like, look at this. Fuck. I never went in it much But the grotto I had all kinds of ideas for the grotto And but I didn't really take advantage of it completely. But hey, you just couldn't believe like I'm like Who would have a pool like that growing up unless you had money, you know, maybe one family in the neighborhood had that I don't know. They owned a mcdonald's franchise or some shit Are you getting residuals for reels? From reels they play as shit, don't they? Yeah, I get a lot of you know, I've done great with uh, we're actually bluebloods on syndication

I mean, I wish I would have did more episodes, but man, I never saw a syndication like that I mean even nypd blue, I don't think they must have sold sold this show. It's a very popular show It's unbelievable. It's still doing really really well syndication wise Um, you know, yeah, you get you know, keep shit live keep your life I mean, that's why man the more episodes the better it would have been every sunday at 601 I go to sag after that net and I look at what my residual checks are coming in I don't I just I just and then I look at in processing. That's how jewish I am really I look at what's on the list. You told me that and I did that once or twice. I do it. I don't do it no more

I just you gotta see what's coming. No, they keep coming in you gotta check it out You gotta see what's coming in because you might miss one or two of this and god forbid you call You have to go if you go to sag after there's a list Really you go to and you type your name and within 72 hours you get an email Wow, go nick tutorial come down to office box six And print up the label we give you. Oh my god. Let me tell you what happens and this is shocking You've been in the business for 30 fucking years You're gonna go down there and they're gonna hand you a stack of checks that your jaw is gonna drop

And you gotta go What the fuck is this? What do you mean money you never claimed money that Where is this they this is sag you go to wool shirt sag after I've never done. Yes, you have to go down there I did this 10 years ago. My wife is an accountant. Okay, so she goes one day. Let's take a ride down there I got the thing and I got your thing. We went down there and you asked what they came back Go online and started uh checks missing checks or something. It's called See if you have a check it after sag

You press your name and or you look for the names and don't have your name on the list Oh, I know I have money out there. What you do is you go down there. You give them whatever they send you nick They're gonna come back with a stack of check And they're gonna tell you excuses why they didn't mail that check that your heart's gonna stop You're gonna get addresses That you've never even seen before wow From how did this happen so it's unclaimed money unclaimed money Yeah, but do you do you have to do any research before you go to them or you have to go online

There's something on sag after.org And you go to sag after.org. That's who you check the residuals and stuff on sundays now It's not whatever it used to be said after.org and just keep looking for payments and then there's some well say Lost checks or unclaimed checks do what they tells you to do what the process is now once and I think there was a bunch of Oh my god, I went down there one time with my wife and they threw me a stack and a envelope And the reasons the addresses they had sent stuck to Did not make sense They were sending agile to addresses where I mean one time I had something where they had me and my son confused not even

Yes, no, this is what they do. I had four or five thousand. I had a bunch of yes No, and I got to the bottom of that and I got that money. Yeah, you get that money. It's not that money It's down there waiting for you. It's down there waiting for you. It's so fucking weird And you cannot believe you look first off you look at after and go Can I ask you a question? Why don't you guys get my address? And put this in the fucking mail and they'll go well, how do you find the unclaimed stuff? You go on the line sag after when I went down there me and my wife looked at them and said

since you had all these Why didn't you send this to the address? Yeah, and they said well since we got these We really didn't know what your address was like. Let me ask you a question How did you know to send the bill to the address? Yeah, and they were stuttered. Uh, well, maybe the address I definitely know I have some something. I don't know how much and the fuck ups Are just so you're saying so you're saying it could be oh You're gonna be a lot of money. They you I know if you know how I know for a fact Because there's 10 to our whatever your last name is the toros. There's 10 of them

They're gonna have checks for you that belong to your brother and Ida And they're gonna have checks for them That they don't have your name on really because we're somewhere along the line Some assistant spilled coffee On the paperwork and the sag paperwork Your address went blind. She had one glass and she wasn't paying attention. She typed in tutorial Nicholas George Henry, did you do this?

I did this about 10 years ago when I first met my wife And we were flat broke maybe even 12 years ago. You got a stack of checks My wife also did one for the state and I picked up a stack of checks We tried doing one for jersey Because I told the listen. I had 20,000 jobs God knows. Yeah, I know God knows what's out there. Give it a shot if you're broken right now And you're from Kentucky go to Kentucky's website

And look to see if unclaimed checks from the state That means that one time you hurt yourself And you claim disability and they told you they were only giving you 12 weeks What the doctor told you was you were getting paid for 18 And those six checks were waiting for you and and they probably gave you 800 a check. You don't fucking know Can you claim it and your jaw drops? Yeah, and with you guys there's tutorials You move two or three times. Yeah, you had the house in Jersey That's not that's bad

Because that's their excuse. Well, we sent the house because I used to get checks there too. Yeah, so they're gonna go I used to get checks and we sent checks to new jersey and they all came back Yeah, so why don't you send it to my new edges? Well, we didn't know where you lived Well, you know what the fucking send the back. I mean, it's fucking crazy. Wow So that's what will shock you that you have checks down there that are significant There's some checks that maybe they show the tv show and again Sent it to the tarzana address and it's top of the fucking game residual. That's like one, you know There's a bunch of shit like that. They make mistakes like that

And when you look at these people you go did they make these mistakes? They're not For you not to cast these checks Or they just made the mistakes because they were I lived just now before I moved into this place I was getting checks every three months for some dude from bet for two thousand bucks I thought about sending him by his name on the deposit and I go, why do this? This is actual theft So one day I kind of something like why don't I actually call bet? And I said accounting and I came in the name and the ad just go yeah, we have I go this I got three checks from here for two grand

Which is six grand. He don't live here no more And they go, what's the address? I told them They go, all right. We want to send checks to them or two weeks later. I got another check A month later. I got another check. They don't they don't give a fuck though Sometimes they're on the other computer that don't fucking enter Who knows brother, so you probably didn't have another address to To replace it. I know for a fact, especially if you've been in the union for 30 fucking years Yeah, which you have been

I'm coming up about 30 now 30 fucking year. Yeah, I'm doing 20. So we're getting fucking old my brother. I'm happy you took the time You're a fucking gentleman. Thank you and a scholar. I love you Let me talk to you people about something listen The holidays are coming. You don't want you don't mess around You want to look sharp? You want to look tight? Maybe you're single. Maybe you're ending the relationship And you just want to look like you belong Looking good doesn't need to cost you a fortune

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My heart goes out to the the victims in las vegas. Also, Puerto Rico I'm not forgetting about you. Stay black. Have a great day a little something for my main man What's his name? I forget I'm so high What is it Tom petty Tom petty? I love you guys. Have a great week Oh She laughed at my face Oh So don't think about you can go crazy

And Try to Hmm She's the one who's alive At least I'll break her heart and face it She's the one who's alive But it's not me Well alright, do what you want

Don't try to talk, don't say nothing She used to be the kind of woman You had in your home She couldn't understand the problem She let the little things go She's the one who's alive She's the one who's alive At least I'll break her heart and face it

She used to be the kind of woman She's the one who's alive She can't let go Time after time Night after night She would look up at me And say she was lonely I don't understand the world today

I don't understand what she needed I gave her everything, she threw it all away You don't know She's the one who's alive She's the one who's alive At least I'll break her heart and face it She's the one who's alive But it's not me

She's the one who's alive