Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #524 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: October 11, 2017

Greg Fitzsimmons, Comedian and Host of the "Fitzdog Radio" podcast and "The Greg Fitzsimmons Show" on SiriusXM, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Lyft - Sign up to drive at Lyft.com/joey and find out how you qualify to get a $500 new driver bonus.    Blue Apron: Go to blueapron.com/JOEY to get $30 off of your first meal and free shipping! Recorded live on 10/10/2017.  

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A new driver bonus. That's lyft.com slash Joey. And you can get a $500 new driver bonus. Again, lyft.com slash Joey. Limited time only. Terms applied. Get it together. I met my Lyft driver the other day.

I got his card. Keep it in touch with me. Write a book about Lyft. I love it. Yeah. The Adventures of Lyft. It's the church of what's happening now. Greg Fitzsimmons.

My favorite Jew. It's police science. Police science. Your uncle motherfucking Joey. Coming at you with the weed Ralphie May smoke. You understand me? The 90 fucking punched a ticket. TMZ reported that he ate a chicken sandwich and jalapeno poppers.

And I told you that he loves jalapeno poppers and jack-of-the-box. We leave the comedy store and both go to the same place. You and Ralphie? Keep that music going. Keep that music going. Me, Ralphie, Ricky Cruz, one of the girls, we'd all go to the same place, the house, with different cars. And we'd always beat Ralphie by 20 minutes.

And one day we found out that he would shoot the gala, go through the drive-through at jack-of-the-box and get a couple boxes of jalapeno poppers and eat them on the way to the fucking house. And when he walked in, he'd go, what the fuck? Where have you been? I got caught in traffic. What the fuck are you talking about? We're in the same traffic. Oh, no shit.

The poppers. Kick that mule, Lee. It's the church of what's happening now. Wednesday. What is it tomorrow? The 11th to 12th? It don't matter. It's fucking Wednesday, cock suckers.

Grab your balls. Salute the flag. Keep going down. Kick that mule, Lee. I want my earphones to light on fire. You understand me? I want the next time you see me, I got a hearing aid. I want these motherfuckers.

Just like that. If you're driving, don't jump out the fucking car. This song's gonna make your fucking heart beat. Your eyeballs fucking. Old school, that's epic. If I was a woman and I was gonna have a baby, this, this is the fucking labor music right here. Labor or conceivment?

No, the conceivment is once those drums kick in. That's when the baby crowns. Oh my god. But leading up to that, this murky stuff, this is for breathing. If somebody asked me how would I describe the behavior of this, I would never think of the description murky, but it is murky.

Yeah. It's a swamp, a muddy swamp. I heard this album. I listened to all four sides, and I went to Whitey O'Donnell's house that night. He's just standing there playing with his fucking hair and shit. That's it. Yeah.

That's what he's doing. Yeah. Ooh, stop it. Stop it, baby. Yeah. Listen to this masterpiece. It's a masterpiece. That's when it was one organism.

They all became one organism. It never happened again. Now. Break the Simmons in the fucking house. The Irishman, fresh from New York, from New York, from New York, from New York, from New York, from New York, from New York,

from New York, from New York, from the Irishman, Freshman, from New York, four months, the Summer, the Day of August, humidity, you go home, you wash, you've got dirt in your hand, but you're still in the greatest city in the fucking world. It makes up for it.

All the shit people complain about in New York, it's like, those are details. The headline is that my soul is alive. I'm creative, I'm writing new shit. I'm bumping up against Asian girls looking down pretend I'm checking my phone but I'm really looking at those nubby little yellow toes oh but the good good fucking not self-manicures no paint just the natural color of the of the toenail make sure you want to go to

one of those swimming and trafficking joints over on Burbank Boulevard pay a chick the extra 20 to whack off on the toes you know sweetie one on the floor one on the table let's split those feet up listen those fucking third world nations over there you know I always drive through either Burbank Boulevard or Magnolia yeah I go to Jiu Jitsu and I either take Magnolia or Burbank Boulevard and I can't tell you how many times I'll be somewhere and I'll notice a new massage ball yep and I'm always just close to walking in one I go to one but I go there with my wife it's right over here they really do a fucking job for

yeah they got a happy out 20 to three yeah oh you think you're in heaven unreal plus they take his shoes off they soak your feet yeah yeah they rub from your knees down yeah put your hips back in place yep they rub your hands your forearms your neck they twist your fucking neck then they take you in the other room and they rub you down they put hot stones on you for the small 40 and I give you a fucking hot cup of tea a hot cup of tea yeah that fuck that place is tremendous and here's the other tip I got a punch card if you're gonna go to one of these places get there before 3 o'clock because they're not

they're not changing out the sheets so you want to you want to be the first oh no guy on those sheets this place is tremendous they may change the face rest but they're not changing everything yeah yeah I watched I've been going there somebody said a kid from Jiu Jitsu said go to this place yeah coming to truth I'm not gonna get a hand job yeah I go don't make me go to a place there because that place is next to a little store I go to yeah and the two sons always talk to me about sports and comedy and shit so if that's a massage parlor join a hand job joint yeah please don't fucking me cuz I'll

be embarrassed if I walk out of there they see me yeah and one day I was in the store and I asked a guy if he heard anything about I'm thinking of going over there just to cover myself he goes people love it's fucking busy all that's it happy hour 12 to 3 20 bucks neck feet and legs or something shoulders or something you get it you know what over there with me no I haven't oh you gotta buy him a gift to forget about this he won't go his girlfriend won't we did zeal when we had zeal I know but you'll do zeal but I don't know that Chinese people you know you're the only one who's like you only like Chinese

people I like you all the goalie I'll take you over there with me thank you because if not he won't go he won't be allowed to go oh you think I get I went to a play my wife gave me a coupon for a you know I live down in Venice and run on Lincoln Boulevard you know it is there's all kinds of shacks on Lincoln Boulevard oh they do have shacks oh yeah so she gives me this coupon she got it in the mail you know one of those value pack envelopes to come stuffy clean your carpets and you go get a fucking whopper with cheese and dry cleaning it's like all all those coupons and one of them is for this Thai massage place so

it's my it's my birthday and she sends me over there and and I walk in and this cute little little tiny Thai girl behind the counter she leads me back to the room and you know take off your clothes get under this towel so I'm laying face down and I wait you know a few minutes goes by and then I hear I hear the door open and you ready I'm ready and then she starts rubbing but it's like she's fucking strong like this is not what I expected from this girl and she's working elbows knees fucking you know deep and I was like wow this is and then and then gets to the ass and starts oiling it up doing some deep circles like like round

to the point where I'm going like did I take a dump today where you start worrying about your hygiene and how it smells and then she goes get and she gets in that crease between my ass cheek and the leg you know she's got her finger in there and I and then and then there's like a little ball graze and I think oh then she gets the other cheek same thing rubs it oils it gets in that crease second ball grace now you got my attention slaps me on the ass you turn over which is foreplay for a lot of guys in America those three words you turn over I turn over I look up and it's fucking it's a dude with lipstick on Asian dude long hair

lipstick on it's not the woman from the front desk and he starts rubbing my thighs in front of my thighs you put me I swear to Christ why are you telling me I swear to Christ and so the dudes rubbing my thighs and he starts to he starts to go on the inside and I start to feel a little pressure and then he didn't go for it and to this day I think I don't know what happened like I can't I can't look you in the eye and say that no was on the tip of my tongue at that moment I think I would have said no it was the lipstick it was the lipstick when you're laying on your back anybody shows up with lipstick

you let them suck your dick you know I'm saying are you kid fucking until the hundred show but lipstick and flowers miss up and take that's just the way yeah you can put it you can put a lipstick on a pig absolutely once I see the lipstick yeah I'm done that's when I told the side ticket that and I run the fuck out and then the cops come and I tell me tried to suck my dick yeah no I didn't make a lipstick on it's not like you only know the fucking contest you know I'm saying they're gonna check your dick for lipstick one day I went to Jiu Jitsu like two days in a row and I couldn't walk yeah and I got up that

morning I knew exactly what time it was I went I dropped mercy off I got breakfast I'd sent some emails and 11 o'clock I went over there I walk over there and every Chinese guy is busy but the best one over there's the girl she's like a weightlifter yeah Chinese weightlifter yeah she's strong and she's very sweet I really like and the guys are cool too but don't go on Wednesday she's not on there on Wednesdays and I went in there and I've been going in and I took my wife there when she heard her back and now we go together and it's a great time they got a TV we watch Loan on the Chinese people love Loan on SVU

they love it black people like red lobster Chinese people love Loan on SVU go to any Chinese restaurant they got SVU on trying to figure out the crime or they know it already they wrote the script you know I'm saying these New York cops they're looking for details they know exactly who raped abroad yeah fucking Chinese people yeah have it just you go down to Chinatown that that's what it when they're really stuck they take that fucking so I go over there the one day about 230 this is like a like I was high and I was kind of bored they suddenly go got a fucking massage yeah do this I had a fly the

next day something and I went over there this had to be four months ago and I went over there there was no parking and the fucking thing and there was no parking on that street yeah I was like I'm fucked so I found parking like a block away I walked over sure enough come back in 25 minutes or sit for 25 Michael fuck this and I gotta be another one of these that don't want to fucking suck your dick hmm you know I'm saying man I made it I went down Lancashire and I made a U-turn I saw like two I went to the Taiwan first and the chick was too brown for me hmm like she was something was wrong with her she

had gotten like somebody left her under the fucking suntanning boot for three days something was wrong with this chick wait a minute I won't go to a masseuse because she's too dark no no I said the word wrong she was something was wrong with her oh okay something was wrong with her skin right and Greg didn't even get up when he saw the dude she had to be right I know she had to be none I said it wrong I'm very sorry if I insulted him but she was like those people that you put under a suntanning thing yeah and they've been under for 30 years oh like dried out and wrinkled orange yeah it was orange yeah I never saw anybody that

skin color you know and I went in there and I just smelled the sperm yeah I had a mild spout smell the sperm you play black like you look at her face yeah I just took a menu I just said look I want to come back with my wife I took a menu okay thank you a tiny open till okay and I got in the car and I split and there was one two blocks down that I've always wanted to check out I've been going to that fucking haha for nine fucking years and that spot there I've heard a thousand creepy stories but I've also heard that there's chicks in there I give great fucking massages yeah I've heard prone come that they try to give

no no I've heard both well it took me three minutes to know I could smell the air a sperm they were two chubby dudes sitting there waiting to get massages and they have like an embarrassed look on their face yeah like somebody would go here is that you these guys didn't want me to know they were and then they want to know what the fuck I was the lady said you're looking 30 minute wait I said I'll be back pain and that was it my curiosity was settled yeah if this is double door with a lock on it I have friends and you're paying between like some bulletproof glass I have friends that go to those things something's gotta

be like I don't try unless you have like condom the whole sack and around the nuts like that up to your stomach I found something out what cuz you know how red band a while ago said the thing about saran wrap yeah they do that because a condom in that place is like it it shows what you're going in there for so they get charged if you have condoms that's why they have this ran what are they charge you with I don't know probably yeah her for them I don't know what it does for yeah it's probably after listen I don't want nothing with saran wrap I got a wife you know you're gonna put saran wrap on there's a

problem with your fucking life you know I'm saying well they gonna suck your dick with saran wrap you're gonna stick it in the hole with saran wrap something is not psychologically corrected right I don't know I see them today I wouldn't get gas just now yeah I got I left the house at a quarter to and as I was pumping gas there's one over there by my golf over there that's my favorite gas station across the Mexican car wash across the potato tacos denny's and the fucking massage par that massage par has been there since day one if you look at it you're like they've killed people yeah like they've sent the Chinese mob

boss in there and they've stabbed them in there yeah it's creepy I've never ever seen a customer oh is it let's like on the side of the street there's like from Scientology yeah yeah it's been there right for 20 years you've never seen you have to stop there that's the busiest light in the valley so you always stop there you look around the gas station you look at the denny's you look at the potato taco place you look at the car wash then you look at the massage par and go who the fuck would step in there yeah it's in between like an engine rotary place and like a fucking something else it's like a lawyer or a

traveler something crazy yeah and it just says massage and years ago years ago before I got hip to that whole Lancashire Street because there's a whole thing that was going on there I don't hang out on Lancashire no more so I don't know when I moved to the valley nine years ago Lancashire they were running hookers there at night and I didn't catch it at first crack Lancashire in north Hollywood right there yeah go right we could walk there right I didn't catch it at first and I kept saying it's not Hollywood what am I saying all these cute little black chicks with hot pants are walking down Lancashire

at 10 o'clock at night they work them out at hotel or they were working them out at hotel behind the Jitsu school by the old weed store I used to go to okay so as soon as you cross as soon as you cross Riverside and you cross that had the habit it's on the right right there that weightlifting store there's a bodega a weightlifting store all that there's a hotel behind that if you make a right and see the hotel you're like oh yeah nobody ever knows it's a whole top like that yeah it's called like the colony in the colony and I used to stay I used to stay in the front huh pretty nice a week yeah and like an asshole like

go look at this black chick 11 o'clock at night what if she's doing a spot and one day I finally put it together oh so that corner over there when you stopped at the light you look at it you're like okay they give massages but I get gas there and way way way in the beginning when I first started going there a girl came out of there one day I gotta tell you I wouldn't go in there you mean one of the masseuses came out of there I have no idea what she was but if she looked like that what her friends look like you know I'm saying birds of a feather flock together yeah yeah well I got a place in Venice that I go to it's a there's a

car wash I go to right on right on Lincoln Boulevard by Washington and you go in and I don't know how it's so fucking cheap I mean what is water cost that they're doing car washes for fucking 999 you know with you know three guys hosing it down and brushing it you go out there I give the guy a $5 tip he looks at me like I just fucking paid his rent for the month he's like thank you like it's nothing for what you just did you're staying out the hot sun fucking hand polishing my car for 15 minutes for five weeks I had that job Jesus so seven bucks an hour plus tips you figure it out yeah everybody gives you a

dollar they're driving a BMW yeah you know they're driving a rocket ship they give you a dollar yeah some do comes in with a Cadillac it goes your 20 ego dog busted Cadillac no license plate and don't work car smells like a fucking dead stripper but it goes your 20 so when they see that they go crazy yeah so there's a massage place next door to there so I dropped the car off and I go I'm gonna be an hour you know let's just put it aside when you're done I'll take area and then I walk right next door into this massage place and it's like you said the fucking the hot stones and your feet and they spray the air with some

kind of fucking eucalyptus spray little tea when you're done and I come back and you always feel like a million bucks when you just got your car washed but we just got a massage and your car it's the greatest and you got a bag of weed you don't have to go out that night and your wife is making your favorite dish like chicken caught in blue with mashed potatoes or something who's better than you and if you're lucky you she may look at you giving a stab in the middle of the night if the kid don't ask to sleep with you know Monday man that's how it's the only way to start the week just because we work on the weekend so we

gotta look at Monday as our Monday is our big day I still feel creepy about massages I'm not gonna lie to you yeah I started getting massages how long have I been fucking around with you maybe six years yeah like two years after once I hurt my back the place I go to they give you massage place they give a massage first then they put you to the car or practice so you're nice and loose they put fucking buzzers on you and shit but the massage is studio city yeah they're not even hurting your feelings yeah you're like rub me the fuck down the chick won't shut the fuck up mm-hmm for the small 20 she won't shut the fuck

up yeah I don't know if it's LA but it seems like there's a lot more acceptance for guys doing stuff like that now like I don't remember a lot of guys getting massages and and all that stuff when I was younger but it seems like guys are you can take care of yourself yeah in LA it's a minute no New York is the same way I know a lot of comics in New York do the jackshack thing they're all over the village if you came to me tomorrow and said I don't want to do the podcast normal and I want to be a massage therapist you know me I giggle for eight minutes and call you the fucking masseuse for a month but after

you graduate you know in the middle I don't know how old you are great I want to tell you age on the radio whatever the fuck this is podcast but when I was growing up all those tough guys and movies always got massages from the side do it yeah for men big burly guys that were breaking their back and they have to go mel knock it off you understand yeah and they have like a bottle of vodka next to him so you could do a shot while he was getting a massage yeah so I would go to somebody but between you and I it's like me going to a doctor I don't know for a while yeah for me to really let everything go

like Dr. Wax I walk in there you know he's we need to take blood I trust everybody I've been going over 10 years yeah the first two years I would faint yeah both how they shot me in the ass I faint they had to give me two shots one each as she took the first one after the first one I said it's over I left one time they gave you a physical before the blood test I left I had to go back there on Monday had to call me at the house personally Joey you got to take the blood test when I first started going him I wouldn't even walk in his office if a needle was involved yeah when I went down there go listen this is

what I'm feeling if a needle is involved let me know right now so I can leave you used to be a joke with us like you'd be like you postpone like the blood test I think like 15 times or something was it even when I started still with you yeah like a couple years ago you were trying to go for a blood test in like December it was like March you're like I owed I owed my knee doctor a blood test for nine months he kept calling me Joey we're gonna get that blood test I got a call the other day from the shit doctor the guy that wants you to put that I've been looking at this box for a month they gave it to me

since I wanted my physical 60 days ago they gave me another one of those boxes when I turned 50 they gave me a box why is that standard yeah when you turn 50 they mail you a box first they call you they try to fuck with you yeah I'm saying yeah you're driving the kids you're thinking about going to Tampa tomorrow you know you're gonna take the kids to Burger King after the soccer game and listening to phone rings and you're like Kaiser permanent day you like he's not there on the level Kaiser what's going on is this yeah is this mr. fucking mr. Kaiser is this fucking now fit sentence yes mr. fit sentence

mr. fit sentence first off when I wish you a happy birthday I did you know listen I'm actually turning 50 your body ages and we need for you to do us a favor we're gonna send you a box man I swear to God I'm high as fuck I'm on the mind of my own business I take the call just cuz they took the call cuz my the baby was born at that hospital without insurance yeah so I took the call no and there was my wife's insurance but I was under it even though I had sag insurance I want to do this too they were a lot fucking better they gave the baby for free yeah wow they paid for that the company the fucking the baby was free

jack that's like 15 grand normally yeah so he called me and they said we're gonna send you a box we'd like for you to return with some feces and I'm like what the fuck is going on I'm on the 101 and traffic whose feces I go who's another we talking about feces you know if you go to the bathroom and take a little scoop out put it in the box and mail it back to us as a self-return postage box I'll take you five minutes at your time but not the insurance won't cover you five years from now a bunch of shit I go this let me take a bathroom send me the box let me take a bathroom and look at over I'll consider my shit

in the box I got off the phone with that guy I'm like I'm gonna shit in a box he's out of this fucking bird about a month later I go to my doctor for a physical another way out he goes oh by the way Suzanne give him those boxes little kids what are you talking about he goes listen we're gonna give me a little box when you feel the scrape your shit put in the box I'm like you with this fucking box though he goes why go my wife's insurance company called me with the same fucking box story I ain't shit in no box it's not happening this is a felony yeah it is it's a felony a felony I know for a fact if you shit in the

box and mail it to somebody a federal mail you're gonna get a year time that's fucking a terrorist act piece of my shit after four or five days in the box you opened that with all those gnats in it and pieces of fucking stems stems and God knows what yogurt coming fucking raisins they don't digest in your stomach though chicken wings from the comedy store no I won't eat nothing from the comedy store I love the comedy store yeah and I love those chefs and stuff but yeah I think we've eaten one thing from the comedy store that was it yeah I never ate anything from there I'm not even hungry at that time anymore

yeah I've never hungry at that I think I've rarely pissed I think I've pissed twice and all the years there I just when I go to a club I don't piss and I don't eat I'm there to work not there to have fun when you were in New York did you do a lot of spots oh yeah did you enjoy writing and crashing oh you mean this summer I didn't do a ton of spots this summer I would do like I would do I should say you know the mic a little more huh Justin said his love by the way oh yeah yeah I spoke to well he's a he's got to start playing hockey with me again we just play hockey together man you're agent our old agent our old day

so New York was tough because I would work 12-14 hours writing on crashing as season 2 coming out I don't know when and and I would be fucking exhaust 12 14 hours sitting in your director's chair looking at the screen while the actors are over there and then these long breaks and they'd feed you all day and then after 12 hours I'd have a spot you know three hours later you know 10 30 at night and I'd be like fuck this and I'd go out I get on the L train into Manhattan rent the city bike take it from 14th Street down to the village park it go inside see Bobby Kelly you know hang out with some good people but

still that's how I got up I wasn't even that into it I was just like doing it to do it to make fucking $15 and then back on the city bike back to the subway back to Brooklyn you know 10 minute walk to the apartment and I was like I can't do this so I just started doing a Sunday nights I was the only night I go out and do three or four spots on a Sunday and I go on the road on the weekends I went out and did a few spots but the villa we were mostly working in the village you know to shoot in the show not mostly but a lot of times we'd work at the comedy cellar or the village underground shoot out there August middle of the night

we're out there at midnight on fucking McDougal Street trying to shoot and you know all the animals that are out there Jersey tourists from Jersey you know people from the Middle East that want to you know videotape everything there's something when people see a camera it's yeah when you're shooting something it's it drives you nuts when people when people see a camera they have to do something would you do if you were on vacation walking with your child yeah and they saw camera shooting you guys live in Iowa you don't go yeah yeah no you'd have to run the fuck over there and just to see what's going on those

people were okay it was the guys from Jersey who wanted to make make noise and they'd be homeless people and this was the racket this one guy and it happened to us a couple times he can he comes up and we're shooting we got we got 200 extras on the street we got 50 people on the crew Union clock is ticking money's going down the tubes and all sudden we start shooting and this guy goes yeah yeah they were like wait for the take do it again soon as we start shoot what he realized he's fucking with us you know he's his homeless guy and he's standing right across the street and he's

waiting and there's nothing you can do you could call a cop but that dude standing on McDougal Street at midnight he can fucking yell what what are you gonna do and so we'll go on and then finally the one of the producers goes I'll take care of my go give him some money he walks over everybody stops and waits you see him talking to me hands him some money guy walks away I go hey well that was a that that's just fucking saved us a lot of money I go how much did you give him he goes a dollar was another homeless guy coming up and then you'd have a fucking then you'd

have a fight break out there'd always be some some guy from Jersey with his girlfriend I don't want to say Italian but you know they're Italian and they're screaming at each other and yeah it was it was long nights we get done at five in the morning sometimes yeah it's crazy that's the thing it sounds fun working in TV but the reality is like you you gotta you gotta work your ass off here's the deal here's the deal with TV when I first got here you know I'm a savage you hire me Greg and I go on the fucking set and I'm going you know I'm not working within 20 minutes I would go nuts yeah I didn't understand this whole concept

about waiting right I did a industrial in Seattle for AT&T where you carry boxes in the background for like their training materials yeah as they explain whatever the procedure how to carry a fucking box or something like that and I got here and I did a I did a pilot for CBS and I had no idea what I was doing like no idea no acting lessons no nothing I'm lying I did a college film for a friend yeah and I won the festival at the University of Colorado it was horrible he just asked me I'm gonna send it to you keep it dude you gotta get that oh my god I would pay anything to see that shit I get hit in the head with a

bottle or hit the head in the bottle it shot the diner but it was funny I got sponsors and I got like a lady to donate five thousand dollars she was starting up a taco salsa company or something I was just thinking about that when the guy called and said do you want to copy that for your resume so I got on the city I don't know what the fuck's going on I know fucking idea but then over time I read I watched other people in the professionals they don't say peep you keep them there for three fucking days you know why cuz they keep themselves in the thing mm-hmm they come with everything see the you have you

have a trailer you usually have if it's a great HBO production or a high-end movie or a pretty good TV show they have a TV with a DVR I could see whatever the fuck that you could bring your own DVD player yeah DVD play I'd bring three movies a day yeah Bruce Lee movies John shit that you're not gonna watch at home yeah shit that you're not gonna watch at home in front of your wife or your kid that you haven't seen in 20 years that you got some stupid emotional attachment if I know I'm gonna have a 14 hour day on the set and I'm only gonna shoot two scenes that's what I'm bringing mm-hmm makeup the tattoo by the time they

shoot it the homeless guy going ah ah ah you go watch 10 fucking movies yeah a book a notebook sounds you know reefer mints you come prepared a pillow a blanket a sleep apnea machine why did the longest yard after a week I figured the fuck out I figured it out it's not that they're making more money than you anything that these guys are worth the standard all day I did those movies with Dean Cain I learned a lot from Dean Cain a lot I learned how to act on the set he was he grew up in it hmm so you know Dean Cain a 20 hour day he'll take that and spit it out he does everything he knows his lines and I asked him why he

was so good he said cuz the Superman Superman was 60 dad that Nula took on the set what was that chick that was on the show that's all right so she turned out to be a nightmare those are 18 hour fucking days five days a week can you imagine that late 18 hour days seven in the morning you coming home at 11 30 five nights in a fucking row and you have to have the next day's things just every you know they have a 12 hour turn around but those shows don't give a fuck yeah back then they didn't give a fuck they paid the 12 hour turn around that mm-hmm that's a thousand dollars if you're an actor to call you

in between the 12 hours boom that's a thousand dollars I go in just to sit in the trailer and go what a waste of money mm-hmm they just for what they it's called a force call isn't called a force call yeah force call but Greg you had to be there the whole that you had to be there every second sounded like it wasn't too bad because we we didn't have to be there for crew you know crew call was it like you know an hour hour and a half before we had to be there and so we show up and it's Judd Apatow so we're fucking treated like kings and we a burrito truck breakfast burrito truck out front with a whole craft services

table all fresh skillet got a guy a guy working the blender for you making your vegetable drinks whatever and then and then you go inside you work for about an hour and a half and then the muffin man comes around this guy would have a big basket filled with hot muffins past those around just when you're hitting the hit in the hump you have another cup of coffee and then they would have a pre-lunch meal which was a union thing had like 11 11 30 they'd have like a little pasta station maybe sausage and pepper or something like that and then you get done then you'd be off for lunch you get an hour for lunch

and if Judd's there you're going to the best restaurant in New York the whole crew no no yeah yeah whoever and then and then we come back and there'd be a late lunch should be an after lunch lunch how are you not 400 pounds I put this belly on this summer I used to weigh 150 I weigh 158 it's the highest the fattest I've ever been and then you get you know dinner you end up getting dinner a lot of times and so you get treated right and you know it wasn't there was no drama on set it was like everybody got a long piece of cake but it's still it put in hours a lot of time to think too much time to think you know so how

many weeks was it for you well we wrote for five weeks in LA in April and then we went to New York in I think May beginning of May where they're May June July most August almost four months but we you know hanging out all day with fucking a tell Artie Lang you know me and Artie hung out a lot being Bill I wrote an episode for Bill Burr so he came in and got to hang out with him and his wife Nia who's fucking great right and just me and Bill said we'd sit in his trailer for hours in between takes and just laugh just fucking crack each other up who else would come in big J. O'Korson yeah a lot of guys a lot of

funny motherfuckers and who had a lot of time to kill so that that was the upside crazy yeah it's great for comedy it's great for comedy yeah it really is you go to these clubs and all these clubs from the A rooms in the city to the fucking D rooms packed with comedy yeah yeah you know my buddy Brian fucking runs that laugh factory in Chicago packed on the weekends with an open mic oh they don't they don't do headliners there do they just get local guys coming at 12 minute 10 minutes sets throw a couple dudes to run a couple bucks sell it out so also wow and everybody works everybody's fucking happy as a comic

yeah no comedies knock woodman it's it's doing as good as it was during the comedy well probably as big as the comedy boom back in the 80s right yeah are you still in love with it not this year I'm not happy with myself this year I got I got I'm finally I'm finally like getting excited about it again but for those four months I just wasn't doing stand-up as the longest I've ever gone and it made me depressed it was like I realized it's built into my system I need as selfish as it is I need to stand in front of a group of people and have them give me like positive reinforcement every fucking night and for when I'm

doing it one night a week it just wasn't enough really so now I've been back on the road the last month and a half and I'm getting it back I'm getting them my mojo back but I that was the only time my life I felt like I was I wasn't sharp I wasn't you know in control of what I was trying to do remember that love you had the first seven fucking years it was it was great and any love you could have for any woman yeah child made me not a woman when you think about your your third or fourth year in comedy it's all you thought about yeah all you thought about you know you want you know it's funny Leo always calls me did you watch

this guy special just came out we were likes I've been watching specials for 30 fucking years there's 20 years how many specials can you say verbatim how many specials do you know verbatim honestly anything I know the dice one verbatim I know Rodney's one and that's probably probably Steve Martin's first I used to memorize albums yes okay but not but not one so I guess yeah I could definitely I could do Steve Martin's wild and crazy guy I could do Cosby himself there's a yeah not too many after that I was was it something like Eddie Murphy prior yeah delirious yeah I like to

Andrew dice clay I liked both Rodney young comedian special along with Lenny Clark and it was a mixture it was like Lenny Sunfeld Dom Rera Kenison dice Hicks Barry Sobel Carol leaf yeah brilliant that's the ABCs Bobcat no Bob cat wasn't no no Bobcat was on one of them but he wasn't that special it was fucking nuts I rented the one so much that the video store just told me to keep it but don't you can't be serious you've already bought this thing three times and there was one tape that I really enjoyed you're not gonna believe this it was called Def Jam low stars and the warm-up to little man Martin yeah

was Joe Tory Joe Tory came before Martin Lawrence like Joe Tory would go up there first do 10 12 minutes they would bring up Martin Lawrence Martin Lawrence and do 10 or 12 minutes then he would host Def Jam Joe Tory has a bit there that is so fucking funny that I memorized and whenever I see Joe now I don't say hello nothing I stand next to him when I do the bit and he just gave a motherfucker you still remember that he's still doing it no no no no but he was like how the fuck do you remember yeah I go Joe I watch that tape for a year and cried you know like that that's when you come back I would do like two

sets in Boulder one in Denver one in Boulder and then I would come home get a package of Coke and snorkel and write my goals and I would circle the clubs I was gonna play at someday someday I'll be good enough to play the punchline and Walnut Creek like I was just circling these clubs like Seattle guys don't remember the Seattle underground circling circle that's back when you got that book that list of all the clubs at the magazine the magazine yeah the magazine comedy USA or something it was put out by John Fox yeah it was called just for laughs and it was a little magazine that came out once a month I

started reading it maybe March in 1991 it really got me fired up it was the I had a subscription of that shit every month they tell you what headliners were playing what clubs yes all around every fucking club in the country told you with the line up was that hard as a young comic your dick would get hard someday I'm gonna fucking play at that fucking club but Lenny Clark yeah fuck Lenny Clark I'm taking Lenny Clark chop my better Lenny Clark better Lenny Clark I'll show and then you go bomb at the fucking saloon the next day in front of 18 people what a great fucking experience yeah what a great fucking

experience if somebody came to me with that look in their eye and said man this is all I think about dream about I moved into my car can you fucking lay it on me I'd say listen the story I'm gonna lay on you after this I don't know if you want to be a comic like the first two years three years don't tell me oh my god Greg it was fucking rough hmm four years yeah four fifth year traveling all around the country doing triple runs the fucking other company comedy whatever out of Nebraska I was just mixing a match in Yoda I was going all over the fucking car the frame had already broken I welded it back together no no that

being yeah fucking front bumper fell off yeah and then one night before the Seattle comedy competition it was raining out my tires were bald and I was doing 90 of a ramp as I was like number four in the lineup the fucking new Subaru stopped in front of me and I just rear end them oh and the fucking car looked like a violin it was done I just pulled it over to the side took my basketball out and walked over to the fucking Seattle comedy competition I borrowed the keys from Josh will put the basketball in his car told them we had to stop over there the dude who bought the Subaru just looked at me shook his

head he was like do you even have insurance on this thing he knew there was no upsides of this experience if you don't understand the comedic experience of you listen listen God bless you maybe you do a year in your neighborhood you move to LA you're young and good looking maybe you're just that funny you come out here and all the pieces fall and you're the TV and you got a TV show blah blah blah and you do what you're great at doing 15 minutes that's around town and that's gonna work out for you for so long until they put you in front of pressure in Las Vegas and you fold like a twig because you've

never done an hour right or they give you a one-hour special when you're not ready when you're not ready and I chose the other route like Greg did we chose to muscle it out yeah hand-to-hand combat whatever let's do this shit one night you're in a pizza place one night you're at the improv the next day you're in a basement and there's no water you know saying yeah it's fucking people that aren't in it can't understand the place like you understand no this pizza place this is the good one this is the this is a good fucking room and they're like you're playing in a pizza place I like hey you don't get it you don't get

it wasn't even the pizza place it was the audience yeah and the set no that's what I mean like they didn't understand that like there was a packing order to right and you know me and Rogan starting out in in New England we would just we would go to we would drive down to a fucking clam shack in Narragansett Rhode Island because they had a fucking brand new soundstage and then we get hot chicks and we go down there and you know there was different rooms in Boston that one was in a vault it was called the comedy vault you know when I date there it was it really yeah it's the basement of an old bank and they

literally you walk in and there's a giant fucking vault and you're sitting in a vault that's how small it is old come Dick Dardi's comedy volume and and it was a fucking crazy it was so good that even when I was getting paid I'd work there for free and I would have to stack chairs after my set and I would still do it that's so good it was for fucking 30 people but people understand you're working in a bet why you're in a base no you understand it's fucking it's like heaven they don't they don't I wouldn't understand if you get to me but how long do you think it would last for you guys like it obviously took a lot like it took

I don't know how long it took to make it but if it if it if you guys were now still doing open mics do you think he'd still be doing it well 28 years now no there's a problem yeah but now you have to come to terms with yourself but let me tell you something what if what if you've always been a comedy enthusiast and what if on Tuesday nights at the Red Onion they get 65 people and he only does a fucking open mic that he's been doing since Jesus left Chicago he's got pictures of everybody who came through there and the spot you know he doesn't pay it it's just a hot club and it's been there

so what was I talking about yeah so why wouldn't he do it so you know like I think you're going if someone didn't open mic for on Tuesdays every week I'm blacked out there for a second these stars were a little strongly anticipated this evening you know what I'm saying that little mushroom you just got pulled over by a tiny that mushroom took me for a loop there for a second I'm trying to save you but I can't remember either no but no we were talking about like it when you guys still be doing comedy if right now you still we're still doing open mics no but there's a guy somewhere that has a family has a job that he makes

$160,000 a year his house is paid for he's got two cars he's got three beautiful kids but he fucking loves comedy sure and every Tuesday night guess what this guy does he goes down and he battles it out every Tuesday yeah and guess what he he doesn't have a chance and fucking hell he wouldn't have a chance you know if he was it just doesn't have a chance but it doesn't matter no it's like being in a garage man you're gonna stop a guy from fucking picking up a base in his friend's garage and jamming on a Tuesday night give a fucking you're a hobbyist this comics were said to me what the fuck that's

been done but he's just a hobbyist yeah maybe he's got a wife and maybe he came to terms that he's not gonna fucking do this he knows he doesn't have the time and the fight got three kids you know whatever he just comes there was a couple guys in Denver that would show up and there was one guy in particular a black guy that sold insurance he'd show up at this place and it's a was it bolder and he he sold insurance always came in with a nice suit he'd do 15 minutes have three drinks a couple white chicken they leave and I asked him a few times do you want to go on the road on the weekend do 15 yeah that means

just yes that's where it ends for me yeah and when I went to Denver I asked to bomb they said he finally quit after 20 some years. Denver's got a lot of comics though that are like that that are that have full-time jobs and a normal life and they come out and because those that club is so good and there's other local clubs they can sleep in their own bed every night they go out and and do sets and not really not really hit the road that hard that was my plan till I got kicked out of the comedy works yeah in 1994 Wendy was starting to like me she was giving me star spots during the week I was living in bolder my life was

a fucking disaster but comedy it was starting to pick up a little bit I was starting to get a gig once a month 200 bucks on the weekend I'd do four sets during the week I had a great comedy way to develop I was thinking about it one day Mondays I went to this Australian bar that was in the back of a back of a back of like what's that Australian place the outback the outback this was in the back of the outback it sat like 18 but they'd have 12 people in there every Monday the same 12 people I go they eat a bag of dicks Tuesday I think I used to go to the broker where I got banned from then they let me back in I go to the

comedy works Wednesday go to club 56 that's right through the microphone at the guy I fucking hit him in the head with the microphone when he flicked the fucking beer thing at me motherfucking kept flicking beer things at all the comedians you're sitting there watching the comics and you could see the beer spot on flying at the comics the beer caps you know motherfuckers pull the beer yeah he was flicking it they figured out a way to flick it with their fingers I can flick it about 25 years at the comic and it would go in the past the comic and they hit one comic and they got to kind of like a comedic

argument but I went up there go listen do me a favor the first fucking beer cap I see I'm gonna fucking smack a motherfucker I didn't stop saying that the beer cap came at me and I looked at the guy and he charged the table why people so stupid yeah I got a microphone in my hand listen I belted him the whole microphone broke the batteries came out that was the best and two fucking d batteries in it I had to stand he went down he was holding on to his head I had to stand the other two guys boogie to the back I got out I made the fucking bartender pay me the 25 thank God I already had my dinner they used to give you 25 bucks for a

dinner yeah you got the steak and baked potato and a salad what do you fucking get me have those places how to feed you that's what people understand people say you why don't you go to that place shit you ever have that ham and cheese sub at nine o'clock when you haven't eaten all day you know dude I survived on the comedy cellar for years that Middle Eastern food upstairs the olive tree cafe fucking it's like the best Middle Eastern food in the city the hummus is amazing oh Jesus Christ and then they got a baba ganoush oh Jesus that that's a meal in itself you could just sit there any baba ganoush on warm

pita bread and be happy no you could sit there uncle Joey won't even go on that fucking block baba ganoush oh really yeah I don't like that for it gives me the fucking shit that I don't I just don't like all right so there's a lot of people who don't like yeah so you know that just to be honest so what happened you got bounced out of the Denver comedy works my life was everything with like I said everything happens for a reason because I was already settled like my mind I saw what the Denver comics were doing I hung out one of the best ones I was a dear friend of them and I'm gonna sit at his house and I was watching the game and

people call him and Dennis Miller would be calling them to help him right and you know these people he had two other guys from Denver that one came out here and had shows they would call this guy constantly about the LA and help him right so I knew people this guy had a gig at the time every Tuesday he got up and he went to like AT&T training headquarters and he did 45 minutes as a electrical fucking cord data so he'd go out there with a fucking white smock on it talked to him about the conductivity of electricity that he'd belt into 45 minutes of material fuck their world up and trick him to death yeah he'd go a little blue on them to push the envelope

and he'd suck him back in he was great this guy so and he made tremendous money doing that gig yeah so he very settled the one on the road so I saw how these guys were living you know radio was big then and whether there was three stations and three radio stations were comedians so they gave you action a lot of people just started going over there hanging out writing pieces of things on paper and after two years they gave him a job if you show up two years and six in the morning for free Lee you imagine that shit two years six in the morning for free now the two years they are you're in the payroll now for the small nickel yeah and we'll give you insurance and a key with a little ring around your neck so you're looking

important you're fucking Momo yeah and now you got to do spots until one o'clock in the morning and then get your ass up at five a.m coming in the snow it's fighting the snow in Denver in the winter but I said okay and I had my daughter I have an older daughter I just don't we don't talk I tried to reach out again two weeks ago again nothing so the young one of me having a great time so when I lived in Denver I was like I'll be a dad you could still hit Wyoming you could still hit there was a thousand places these guys went to there was a guy god bless him I know he's still alive because he was a sweetheart of a man his name was Bill Bowie not the comedian I could call Bill Bowie we'll go Bill I don't have the maze rent and he will come on up and get it I can give

you some gigs tomorrow and he had gigs all over the fucking place and he'd drive you pay for gas and yeah and drive you back and then you'd go in your car in your separate ways huh I had a couple guys like that but he was his name was Bill Bowie he worked at a motorcycle store and he booked the longest running club in Colorado history and it was it when the Denver Broncos training camp is Greeley Colorado it's called the Down Under and it's on Thursday nights the headliner gets a yard stick the feature gets a half a yard some friends a yard stick 100 you know that's what it was in 19 fucking 91 yeah 22 it was like my third gig like they paid me on my third gig he might 20 bucks to go up there and do a guess and then he got me a gig for the Broncos training

facility and do five minutes that was like my fourth gig and he booked me on those then he goes you know just keep calling me and I'll give you a little stuff then he moved me up to 10 minutes to like 35 hours and then he started featuring me and next to you know I was co-headlining then I moved to where the fuck I moved to Seattle yeah yeah you got this see you guys had Bill Darity we had Dick Darity and it was a guy named Billy Downs who uh he was uh they called him no money Downs because he never paid anybody he had these kids he used to he used to pay I called him Potter because he was like it's a wonderful life you remember at the end he's like paying people have 40 cents on the dollar he would owe comics so much money he booked gigs all over New England

and he had a nice big house he drove Mercedes adopted a couple Asian kids you know he went full on and then he would uh he would just tell you he didn't have the money and it was just so weird because it was like but I just went to the show and there was 200 people in a Chinese restaurant in in New Hampshire or Rhode Island where'd the money go I don't have it I don't have a pal I don't have a pal and so it would just build up where he owed every comic in Boston money how much money do you owe people oh thousands of dollars I mean I was an opener so he owed me I think he owed me 1200 bucks but I fucking needed it and so then I go up to uh New Hampshire to do a gig and he's there he would be at the gig sometimes when he could make it just to check on

the numbers and take the cash to the door so I go up and I'm about to go on stage I go Billy I said I don't want to go long I didn't bring my watch can I borrow your watch so he gives me his watch the fucking gold watch I do my set I duck out the other side of the stage I go out the side door I jump in my car I drive two hours back to Boston I get a call the next morning hey pal build out pal you for uh you accidentally forgot to give me my watch back last night I go I go that was no accident Bill I go the accident was you not paying me the 1200 bucks I said let's make a deal and so he goes okay I can give you I can give you 800 I go nope no I already appraise the watch I go the watch is worth about three grand so I'll take the whole 1200 in cash in a bag

made me a Dunkin Donuts on Brookline Avenue at about an hour and a half and he showed up and he had a smile on his face he respected me he gave me the bag he goes he got me pal you got me and he fucking walked away with his watch and every other comic heard about that shit one guy said he was going to steal one of the Chinese kids you know it was an uproar the it was the Wild West after that no money downs I got burnt a couple times for 50s or 25 the biggest burn I had which wasn't even a burn I didn't have time I mean I was everything up my rent was 400 my child support at the time was 365 between the cocaine and the fucking cheeseburgers I couldn't make the bells man I just couldn't make the bells yeah

I made them some months some months I broke even so I worked at National Rentecon as a car washer a buddy of mine got me a job but he was like a tritonist a fitness trainer God bless his soul he would give me like a hundred two hundred bucks to deliver flies for him to different parking lots up front who does that in this day and age so I got a car from National which they gave me like a one-day rate and I had the car for the weekend my friend said if I drove down to phoenix I could showcase from knuckleheads and get work at all four clubs I was like that's perfect that's how I start my career they need mcs tro 16 I was slept in the car all gas was out of my pocket get there the guy puts me up showcase walks me to the office gives me three weeks of

work or something San Jose Minneapolis and phoenix that's what they were let me let me sleep in this condo that night and take a shower there and spend the night in the couch which is fucking christian of them at least I don't have to sleep in my car and then I drove to 16 hours I was on my way you know how it is great you're in your fucking way well I gotta call a month later the clubs of the whole chain were out of business so it really wasn't a burn yeah I had fun man those years especially that one year and a half in Boulder if I think of my progression I went to New York for nine months and that beat me into shape that beat me into open mic shape now what I was doing in Denver was nothing compared to the sabbaticalism that goes on in the open mics in New York City

that's just pure brutality so after I went and saw hell I ran back to Denver the king of the open mics because I had seen the other side I had go how to bring four people so I had a lot of people in town I'll get your coke just bring bring me the money to this comedy club and then I make them pay at the door that's the only way to get on stage I had a full tricks but it was just I had a great time being an open mic I love sleeping on couches if I could do it again I'd fucking do it yeah I went down me and my buddy Tom Cotter you know Tom Cotter yeah so me and Tom getting a car together in Boston we're like fuck it we gotta we gotta break in and we had that we had that what that that magazine were you talking about oh yeah you know that listed all the clubs yeah

just for laughs just for laughs magazine and we and back then you know you had to we would list a clubbook or with an address on it and back then you would make a videotape and it was on a fucking you know a half inch VHS tape it cost money and so we said we're gonna drive down the east coast and we're gonna get road work we're gonna become road comics so we got a map out we stuck a pit put up on his wall we put pins in it all going down the east coast we're gonna go from we're gonna go from here down I think we went to North Carolina and we stopped in every club down and we did we did guest spots and we showcased and first but to get a showcase just to get five minutes for free you had to first send a tape to that booker

and then you have to try to get them and this back with no fucking you know no call waiting you call and you wait and you try to get some book around on the phone from Charlotte North Carolina they tell you oh you have to call them on monday yeah right then you figure right so you have to call them with like a hidden phone yeah so the the odds that they received your tape actually sat down and watched it and are around to take your fucking phone call and then have a time that you can drop in along your route down the coast it was like we ended up with maybe three three or four spots down the whole eastern seaboard but we got them and we got in the car and we just drove and uh we stopped and we stopped in different places and it was fucking it was like

the greatest trip of my life you're making no money I know it was the comedy zone in uh in north I think it was north Carolina no no we stayed on the on the coast the comedy zone in North Carolina Charlotte yeah I think it was Charlotte North Carolina and uh we were in Virginia and Richmond Virginia was definitely uh Washington DC was a stop and it was like we felt like stars we felt like look at us we're in a car driving to a gig we're making no money we're getting five minutes potato chips biggest fucking thrill hot we had friends lined up fold out couches the whole way friends I remember I got my dick sucked in DC by a girl from Boston University that I knew who put us up I tried to throw a move on her her roommate who was sleeping

on the other side of us she she she sucked my dick and then I hit on her roommate who was sleeping in the bed with it and then she got pissed off me and threw me out in the morning like I couldn't have been just happy getting my dick sucked in and a free room and uh and I remember I got two weeks I got two weeks out of work work out of it I got a week in Jacksonville Florida and a week in the Bahamas and they were paying me four hundred dollars for the week creative yeah right right right you got out of uh they they were running Charlotte yeah and uh and that was it I was off and running you know that was my first and a lot of the guys from Boston never worked the road because it was so much work in New England you just stay there and you work like I said

Maine one night New Hampshire Rhode Island and they pay you cash you make a hundred bucks a night maybe you spent 20 on gas because you're driving a fucking northern New Hampshire never a hotel room and then uh and then I just decided I want to hit the road I want to go work around the rest of the country and see if I can make it work and it was a pay cut it was way less money to work the road but I knew that that was the play down the road was to become a headliner by you know going on the road man I knew I had I got to LA and I knew I had holes in my game and I said you know what I'm not going to sit here and try to work on an LA and I just went to the dingy of cities for a year six shows you know a weekend staying in a condo 450 condos reek and a sperm

like yeah chinese massage parlors fucking dirty curtains dirty tub it's two sporks there's no silver just two sporks but you sit here but then again you go to michigan and they put you in a court whatever where they have free breakfast in the morning court yard marriott court yard marriott I remember you know like one day I got to michigan a day early with no dough a box of change a box of change in the sinks and a six ounce veggie and cheese from subway I land in fucking Detroit I get to the gig and I'm like what are you talking about you're here a day early I'm like okay thank you and they're like tomorrow at three you can check into the court yard marriott so I went over to the court yard marriott like a book that I am I just slept outside the court yard marriott

was it the winter no it was like a memorial day weekend 1995 yeah and I fucking this is a crazy as weekend like I drove to michigan from boulder colorado in a car that was a soldier like if I could find this car today I would buy out of respect yeah what I put that car so it was a dotson b2t oh yeah four-door white with blue interior the air conditioner I could keep meeting it I'd never got another car that was that cold ever I remember the summertime having to turn the fucking air conditioning down yeah the air conditioning was old-school japanese like they they invented this is suki maki where they got hit with a bomb and they can't feel fucking it was fucking crazy yeah this air lasted no no that car was a different car but this air lasted

this car was it lasted me two years of let's just say boulder to Detroit and Baltimore that's the two cities that gave me work in the beginning and I get that little fucking car filled up the back had a little section just for it the metal thing for the radiator duct tape for this a spare tire the blow tire just in case you got performing it yeah I had everything in there I was like a little Puerto Rican mechanic I could fix it yeah yeah but I went to Detroit I went that night early they tell me bad news and then I go to like a when are we checking tomorrow I go to court yeah I'm married about three blocks away a mega lap and then went over there was no security guard there was no security guard I go into the property and there was like a tree and I went into the tree

it was about five dirty the wind was blowing the sun was I'll never forget this and I'm sitting in the car all up I put the seat back alone and I had music on and the car was three quarters full but I had a box of change I must have had 30 bucks and never changed I had like four joints but this this is how bad life was I had like a half a sandwich and I go this is it this is tonight I had a blankie a pillow and all of a sudden my page it goes off and I fucking look at it and it's the clock and I fucking go to a payphone I call them and they go where are you when I go I always take them to get a hotel room they go don't don't don't we're gonna put you in one you have a suit but I go yes I go put on a suit you got a suit I had everything in that car no shit I had a suit

in the back hanging really okay what I did was yeah man I took a fucking tube and I put in the back oh yeah I've seen that road warrior trick but I left the section open I left the section open for my head yeah just in case I had to sleep there uh-huh I could breathe at night you follow me yeah like I'll have the air there every once in a while you can't sleep like a zombo every night yeah you can just sleep like this for a fucking two nights in one of those front seats and you lose it yeah and I would sleep in that league two three nights in a row I would sleep in my calling under a tree on the parking one of those things with truckers oh yeah so I put my suit on I checked into the hotel took a shower they had towels I had never stayed at a hotel they had towels like all those

those other one-nighters I don't know they had hotels they had like paper towels right yeah and I fucking went to the club they gave me spaghetti and whatever you want order from the menu it's on us and then they said wait Tony Bennett comes here when he does the theater after the theater he comes here for dinner every year it's his tradition he's gonna come and play the piano do seven minutes in front we keep it clean I didn't know nothing clean I had nothing I'm back there writing jokes oh my god you shit you get jokes about spaghetti unbelievable that's what you do it you do the seven minutes yeah how'd it go what do you think as Spanish people say no bueno you know it's the last time Tony Bennett came to that club no that's

why I play I've been playing this song for eight years he'll never come on the podcast after the bombing I did in front of him he gave me a hug and gave me like a five you gotta leave now you gotta leave you gotta leave please you're embarrassing me just I'll pick up the tab don't worry about nothing he's pointing at me pointing at the way I got his tab I'll let him scoochie muddy you know what I'm saying I don't want that energy in the club yeah I don't need that fucking darkness in here guns and Godzilla I saw a car in the parking lot I'm pretty sure it's his it's got a box of change and a fucking suit hanging on the back that car that was just I had everything in there a pillow a blanket basketball basketball shorts goggles you know if it's if anything to

pack the books you know flashlights batteries anything if it was the end of the world I I had a few days do you porn in there no no porn no magazines nothing I had canned food I had sternos you never know little chanchicha the little fucking uh I would buy 10 of those things when I hit the jackpot like a 20 I'd buy those Vienna sausages I just put them in the back let me tell you some four in the morning when you get up in the car and you're hungry and you got some saltine crackers some Vienna sausage in the trunk are you fucking kidding me wait a minute you had sausages sitting in the back of your car I had no choice uncooked pork sausages in the winter I'd hide them back there I'd keep them nice and cool Jesus it's like I'm going to go on the road I can

save don't worry me you know those feature acts are done you don't make no money yeah I went primitive style and you know I sit back now we're goofing around everything and I go did it really make me a better comic in a lot of ways yes it did it learned me how to call all the bulls and did it really help yes because it made me build character and you can't take that time away from nobody no matter what it was I knew I did it the right way yeah for years I did over 300 sets a year I used to count them write the material I did how I did if I bombed how much I made how was a little bit I still have those notebooks I still have I have notebooks with the you know the pockets the pocket divider notebooks stuffed with every set list of every

fucking show I did every night I make a new set list even it was one joke different than the night before I'd have bullet points and I'd save them and I put the date on them and I have cassette tapes boxes of cassette tapes I fucking saved every five minutes set that I bombed for years I had all that shit and the and the spreadsheets with how much money I made how many miles I drove what I could write off because at the end of the year I wasn't going to pay any taxes I called my accountant said you send me every dime you spend on comedy and I would send him like envelops stuffed with receipts spreadsheets and I handmade spreadsheets I did that too but I went off the radar from 1991 to like 2003 nobody knew who I was not that I had a pager

no bank account no nothing they had to send the fucking state trooper to find me though just paid paid in cash yeah well I decided to do comedy I was at the end of my fucking wit yeah like I was at the end I just went through a fucking divorce and this was it this was it this was it there was no I got an uncle who's got a restaurant in Boston there was nothing this was it I had done it all I had burned every bridge and this seemed like the logical I don't like working days and it's nights and you drive and you travel when you're sleeping hotels I like all those I loved all those things so I signed up for those triple ones I would do six weeks in a row those triple ones and I come back to the county store a fucking gorilla yeah

you do six weeks of you know because half the weeks of Mormon and you don't know it till you get there when you get the schedule says be careful with language it's a Mormon room Paul now you're fucking tell me on a Tuesday night you're telling me so it really teaches you how to be a comic yeah and I would always book comedy clubs in between a guest set you know I'm saying so if I if a night ended in that story of Oregon I'd call Harvey's and try to do a guest set and end the week there on a Sunday night do five minutes just to see right how I was doing you know so it's I love it I wish I could go on a triple run now for three weeks and tape it with two dudes at this age and see how crazy it was back then these roadhouses right yeah but it's not he has like

Thursday Friday Saturday we have to drive all the way to Idaho or fly to Idaho get a rental car that's the way to do it you drive you fly to the location the biggest location and where you end up you look at where the airport is and you fly home from there because at night you go crazy yeah there's no reason for us to drive two days to get up there we'll pay the fucking plane ticket and you got a fucking rental car 10 miles or three miles away from the airport you save a bunch of money right there yeah that was a thing in in New England it was never a hotel there was never no there's no hotel you just people understand so yeah some nights you have three drinks and you gotta sleep in your fucking car

or you try to hook up with a waitress there's always a friendly waitress and you get the word from the other comics look for Angie Angie's gotta pull out cash she's gotta she's gotta three year old but he goes to sleep around 9 30 you're good you're gonna have to get up early and get out but that's a place to sleep oh my god i slept at so many people so many people's homes like that description that you'd be standing there like a mook and they go are you driving max plane like i was thinking about you know me and my boyfriend live a mile from here i love for you to sleep on accounts and you're like does this chick want to fuck me she's talking about a boyfriend like walk in with me and next you know you go over there he's cool as fuck yeah he sparks

you up she changes she lets her titties hang in the front of you get to look at some titties and you think a threesome is gonna happen but then they go to bed but they leave your weed they feed you this all the time yeah yeah that motherfucker never gives feature acts a fucking hotel yeah we gotta spare room back there make yourself comfortable yeah and you're like oh my god they're gonna come here and fuck me in the morning and you wake up in the morning you smell bacon you know and they cook for you and you're like what the fuck am i do deserve this and they're like we have to go to work but you can spend the day and there's a remote control there use our shower do laundry be our guest and you're like i just met you yeah last night i could be a

mass murderer and you're leaving me in your home and you fucking something happens to you like you're like wow that happened to me all the time people i had no idea i haven't been doing a gig in Baltimore for roger paul one time and it paid a little extra which i thought was odd and when i got to the people like no there's no hotel there's no hotel for 48 miles from here did you know this one when you came here go you're killing it right they go no there's an ordinance here there's like a chemical something oh my god you gotta drive 48 hours 40 fucking eight i had no idea you know what that's like at midnight when the show is over yeah for somebody to drop there was no over why would you still do the show if they can't have hotels there it's

fuck because the roger paul told me there'd be a hotel there that they were gonna take cammy but when he told me the number of chemical plant that's a little high for roger paul do you know what i'm saying yeah i knew there was a by the way when i get there i had to meet another comic like in baltimore we had to drive like an hour it was one of those fucking gigs it was baltimore on paper until you got there then they threw by the way you know no no no it's an hour the boy it's whatever the baltimore then it's an hour west from baltimore i think they killed 18 people in that town or something like that and that's when you get on the details on the way you got to get there in a one lane and shit you see cars abandoned fucking candles

everywhere you're like what the fuck happened flowers are the flowers yeah stuffed animals you have no idea people at home you know you have no idea i know you think you have an idea but out of my first road gig having to share a room with a man listen the last time i shared a room with a man was in prison that was the mobilizing thing that could ever happen to you as a human being that he's not your brother or your best friend i get it but just a shield i wanted to trip around one time we get to the whole tunnel like man we just had a fire we're like what guys like we just had a fire we only got one room available for you guys got a shared room i just met you yeah i just met you you know how disheartening that was

i was leaving boulder to pursue my dream and i get to the hotel and my hotel lit on fire the week before so i gotta share a room with this fucking schmuck that's that's how my life openly so a lot of people after that we just go fuck that i'm not sharing a room i i shared the room when we had chinese food together we told stories and that's it we went to bed we turned up a lot of slept my clothes on in the night from my just in case i had a stab to cuck suck in the next oh my god yeah i did a gig in green bay wisconsin one time the green bay funny bone had to be 15 years ago or more oh that thing was 20 years ago yeah 20 years it was closed it was booked by the same guy that booked the funny bone in indiana

yeah see that's still openly funny bone in diana that town is called mitchewaka it's it's surrounded Notre Dame or one of those colleges yeah nobody knows about it that funny bone but that one that one in green bay man it was it was the worst fucking gig because it was like a warehouse we i almost i almost feel like it had a tin roof and and there was no windows and they all chain smoke you know there's people in green bay they all wear green bay packers the women wear fucking green bay packer jerseys and jack was terrible it was terrible they're all overweight and they're and they're drinking you know when they bring out the buckets of beer instead of just a beer that's right and then everyone's chain

smoking and they're fucking terrible and then you leave and they bring me back and i'm staying in like and i'm the feature act so i'm making 400 bucks i don't know how the fuck i got drove out there i did a tour i did chicago and i did that and i get to the condo and there's there's the the mc the feature act and the headliner are all staying at the condo and i get in there and i'm the feature so the headliner he's got a bedroom with its own tv and it's got a bathroom no no tv it's got a he's got his own bathroom and then the uh the feature act that's me i got a i got a room with a shared bathroom in the hallway that i'm sharing with the mc the mc is sleeping in the in the living room on a fold out ottoman not even a fold out couch

you know the thing you put your fucking feet on the ottoman you take the top off of that and you unfold it and a single bed pops out sounds comfortable that motherfucker had to sleep on a fold out ottoman not only that the headliner was smoking cigars and he wouldn't go to bed until fucking three in the morning and he has feet up on this poor bastard's bed he's got his feet and it was like a six night gig it was like tuesday to sunday it was the middle of the winter it was blasting cold and there was nothing you could walk to uh i did that gig one time and i gotta tell you something i got good coke so the gig didn't bother me really did somebody in the kitchen had fucking foot like i got the green bay and i think i was there two minutes and somebody asked me

we heard yeah like that like we heard i was like what are you talking about they got something for you in the back go to the back bring 40 dollars and i remember bringing 40 dollars on the first night it was like tuesday when i stayed there when i stayed there was a two-man condo and it wasn't bad really the guy who booked me there was from the michel walk is it still open no it's closed yeah the michel walk a funny bone they were the same guy heard recently he died he wasn't a bad guy the room was dead they could never make it work i remember having a conversation with him in indiana him going uh somebody big was there that weekend when i was in indiana guest doing a guest spot and he goes we got 60 people from alaysia it's just not a coming down they love football they

can't get it out of their fucking mind yeah he goes it just does not work and they're still to this day no no comedy in green but they gave up they gave up they tried again for a while green bay miami beach south beach new olines new olines never had every time they tried a room not it it wouldn't because nobody gives a fuck they're drinking they're gonna get hammered in this bill consby's cousin to show up and put a bill in their fucking pina colada that they drive through they think it's cool and walk around with pickpockets and people with chlamydia give us those people they're filthy dog that's the first place that's a i've only i've only been scared in two places in my whole life san francisco and new olines not when they shot the fucking deliro movie the time i

went to do a one night i picked up a one night at one time i was i was staying in houston and some booker called he goes listen man this hotel needs three comics 25 minutes 400 bucks a piece uh the hotel and the hotel i was like you know what four bills it was like a wednesday night and all night what's the drive six hours i do a standing on my head i went to the car and shot down in new olines being the fucking headliner i think i was headlining i was online and next thing you know they fucking uh i get there i do the gig and that and the gig was horrific i never bombed so hard in my life at that point it was like i can't believe i bombed so hard i got cocaine within three minutes i just stood there and somebody came up to me thought that that you

absolutely is a is a gina i felt that it was a fucking boulder i didn't talk to nobody you understand me i don't talk to nobody dog with a bone there was no pictures those days there was no hugs there was no cd's you didn't even see me leave boys and and if you ask hold on be right back i only want to get something out of the car i mentioned directly from the stage to your room pew yeah i locked myself in that put that couch against the door so security can't get it that's where that vagus you to fuck up you know i'm saying you should have put that couch against the door and shouted that fucking thing holy shit oh my god fuck yeah i would go up there and i almost rotted the death one night i was wacking off i was sweating the death green bay had good coke

when i went out there but the flood closed that's crazy i tell you where else i lost my mind at cleveland at the impromptu i went there twice before and it was calm and then the third time i went there after the longest shot i didn't sleep for two days i didn't sleep fucking saturday and sunday we got on that plane monday morning jacked to the gizils oh my god that's terrible isn't it yeah lisa how you doing my friend i'm pretty uh i'm pretty good let me give some shout outs this shit i'm gonna talk to greg about a few things and we'll get the fuck out of two beautiful podcasts we're loose it's nice what's up greggy boys good to see you good hang i needed this beautiful johnny cruz mind the breeze paul cunningham billy baron jt burrs lurker

mike vendemiri whatever ver derami i'm sorry mike yeah reagan babies dove raptor and overdrags that's a bad motherfucker right there you know what i'm saying where you at this weekend tarzan uh let's see uh next weekend i'm going to be at the um where am i going dr grins grand rapids michigan oh shit with the christians yeah send them my love with you that's a good fuck that is the home of the christian right there good fucking menu yeah yeah that'll be fun where you going then i'm going to be in uh spokane is spokane or spokane washington whatever you want to call it i'm going to be there uh november second what are you giving to the fourth and then i'm going to be coming out to uh after that to atlanta the punch line

november 18 through 20 and then after that nashville and after that tempi so go to fitsdog.com for tickets where you for new years uh home with the family baby you don't do new years sometimes i do but it's got to be a place i want to be i got a couple offers that were places that i just i pictured a lot of sadness you know it's got to be a place where i know some people or or i i feel like there's gonna be a thanks to do yeah i'm still on the fence what i'm thinking about doing to be honest here is i'm in portland that wednesday and thursday before new years right after christmas what day the what day of the week is is uh new years is a sad uh that's three years in a row it's been on a saturday double check it let's double check it

do you ever count in your phone everybody got a fucking count i did portland for new years one what'd you think it's fucking great it's no well portland's always great it's great portland has become this fucking little it's a sunday new year's eve is a sunday oh yeah oh so that means you would do wednesday thursday and i'd have to stick around fuck no oh i'm doing excuse me i'm doing well wednesday thursday i come back friday morning the 29th i come back i spend the night at the house in l.a i relax with the baby and saturday morning being the wife of getting the car we're gonna go to ventura or this way down the other way down to beach one of those places get a hotel room with the family for three days nice why not we work like savages three days one hour from my house

you're saying on new year's day do that new day before new year's new year's eve right and new year's day you had home about two o'clock we did that we drove to utah yeah about two years ago what are we gonna do we drove to utah stayed in a fucking small town that little little ski hill bunny hill nothing but the kids were learning how to ski we went there and we just spent three days relaxed away from all the chaos watching high school musical at night going to bed watching high school musical every night they played they played one two and three three nights in a row we were there every night watching it it was fucking great so you had a good time but this year i'm home this year we're gonna do uh you know

get out of venice beach they let off the fireworks throw a move on the old lady you gotta do that take a little vino and not me i will i'll maybe i'll maybe i'll take some of those mushrooms yeah you know give the wife a little stab and a little scotch i do with some mushrooms right right maybe throw zanix to all set the mushrooms to calm your dick down so your heart don't beat too much right what a fucking thing you're dealing with joy but then people don't need viagra then their hearts start to slow down a little bit you know what i'm saying yeah i took the viagra one time i almost passed out all the blood left my head years ago i was talking to this freaky chick like a Milwaukee and she was telling me listen i don't mind you my pussy but hold on let

me take two zanix's because if i eat two zanix's i'll fucking blow this room up with my fucking pussy juices i said you know what you take two zanix's i'll roll enjoy and i'll get back to you is that a direct quote yeah oh my god she's crazy this little white dirty girl with a lot of hairy little monkey from the 70s you know one of those monkey from the 70s it's got a lot of hair it's grown on the sides of the legs you gotta look at it twice like what do i do you know i'm saying but you got three lines of you you don't give a fuck you know what i'm saying you're hoping it's not a dick hidden in there somewhere but you're gonna take a chance anyway there ain't no cameras there ain't no fucking you know cell phones just two people are gonna leave this room i took a

peek but there was a little bat in there somewhere so i gave a little stout you're you're all enjoying i'll meet you back yeah in two minutes don't worry about it take your zanix i'm like come on over this place oh yeah i'll blow a fucking i'll blow a load right in your face you know what i'm saying when they come somewhere those things yeah and then i heard that once again somebody said that they they buy zanix so their wife eats it so their pussy comes i was like well maybe the same will happen for me i can relax sorry once more i gotta pop those on the douche maybe a star in death maybe a mushroom do like a little blushy cocktail yeah and go give mama that little mushroom hard dick you know what i'm saying give her a load of that mushroom sperm in her mouth

she'll wake up feeling all dizzy and she's like i only have one bottle of champagne i feel him over it's that fucking bat sperm i shot your mouth you really go take some out you fucking filthy animal she's got a peeler tongue off the river mouth the next morning oh yeah no you gotta shoot it heavy i don't give a fuck right down there they don't even know i don't move i trick them i always trick them like i'm doing something else i think i'm not even interested what else could he be doing holy no and the next thing you know they got fucking half of my nuts act you know what i'm saying going down that road they're looking at me all weird why don't you tell me yeah sure whatever i sent your telegram through we seal you didn't get it what

the fuck oh my god yeah then you tell them something dirtier than they they'd bounce off you you know what i really want to come on your face but i couldn't get to it in time what am i gonna do they came up and they're just looking at you as they're spitting they're wiping their tongue with toilet paper those are the best that they go home the rest of the night they talk to you they got like a twitch you fucked their world up by shooting a fucking one of those three-day loads you haven't whacked in that you've done steroids you smoked ash it seems all these specifics you got hit now a few times your sperm is deadly you understand you take a couple shots to the head you see what comes out of your dick

you ask those football players if you can bring them back to life listen let me ask your son you have some weird goo coming out of your dick as a weird as a yeah one night i came with my wife's mouth she almost threw me out for three weeks yeah you that you never want to say it you didn't you got a jerk off more my wife said this would be one night you got a jerk off more too much came out oh yeah you got no i saved that shit i put a plot against my wife that plot against it i set her up sometimes you know i make a watch a movie with me i don't really want to watch i trick her right in the beginning give me a little dick suck it real quick before the movie starts i jerked off in cleveland it's a name of my new book um and i'm sitting at the desk and i

start i start i look up i don't know what i was thinking but i i googled um eating ass lesbians eating ass and i start watching it and uh and you know middle of the day i got the curtains open there's a fucking office building across the street i don't give a shit i got my pants around my ankles i'm sitting at the desk got my naked ass on that plastic chair and i'm and i'm spanking it to uh to girls eat each other's assholes and so uh and so i think and i and i and i stop halfway through and i waddle over to the bathroom and i get a hand towel and i bring it back to the desk and i throw it on the ground in front of my feet and then i and i'm jerking off and all sudden it's come like a banshee i haven't jerked off in days i come like a banshee

oh that's fucking good and so i go to pick up the towel and i looked and i came all over my sweatpants i thought i had some trajectory going it drooled straight down the only sweatpants i had to wear for the whole fucking trip the ones i fly home in on sunday so i ran inside i got another hot towel i'm wiping right into the spooge off my sweatpants i got a hair dryer and that shit won't come out it leaves a little stain i thought it was out and then i put my pants go wear a long shirt it's on a white steam i thought i was a monster i thought that spur must have gone six inches easy straight down when i whack off at home i do in my office and i just come in my robe no you don't yes i do and on thursday i leave talent for the robe in the fucking

empire i walk around with like three shots of load in my little robe what is it about being a dad that makes you get a robe when you're disgusting in it because it's right there it's right there in the robe you can fuck your robe you can do a thousand things to your robe so you you wipe it on different parts of the robe each day no i'm a luke it with the robe all together it's a different combination these animals get a cup and jerk off into a cup i jerk off into a room you do you fill the animal your wife gave you one i use the robe for effect you know what i'm saying oh you jerk off into the robe that's now when i'm in a hotel room on the road not that way i hope us his family us his family i just jerk off on the floor and leave it that maid comes in three days

later though hardwood floor got like 19 stains i walk over and everything it's like a forensic fucking when i'm in a hotel room i'm a disgusting pig i jerk off in the tub and i'll fucking put the cat down i'll let it grow for two days i put the no disturb sign but the time the maid goes in i got sea monkeys in the fucking tub you know i'm in there feeding them toenails and shit are you standing up in like the kitchen like let's say i'm at the computer right let's say i'm at the computer i got my notebook here my whole center is right here i got four plugs here i got a light i got the menu from the chinese restaurant i got rolling papers in this desk hidden under a sweater i got i got everything right i got a vapor pen work and i got my nicotine

and i'm watching tv right there and all of a sudden something the thought comes to me i close right there in the office that little section like the doors right over there and the beds right behind you and there's a mirror right here and there's a fucking window here but the air is blowing to your back so you fucking get frustrated because you gotta put a little switcher down in your own fucking office you know i'm saying it's not even your office it's your hotel room but it's your own fucking office right there i'll take that fucking cube and they roll out and i just sit my legs open it's always like a wooden thing there's like a garbage can there first off after 44 that's injectory leaves a bunch of cum cum juice comes out it's tremendous you catch a young girl

off-card you might choke on it that it's like a gallon and a half comes out they don't even know what to stop they just keep looking at you like what is this gonna end you're like oh when you get here 44 and you don't get laid every fucking day that nudge you swells up every time you go to gym and shit and you gotta come up for air like a swimmer yeah yeah you shoot like my trajectory is gone those days where i can hit the wall right your name now those days are done but if i'm in a hotel room and i'm in a comedy club hotel room even if i pay for it sometimes i'm sitting there sometimes i sit in my hotel room naked i take a little towel and put it on the seat and i just sit in my hotel room naked watching law and order till three in the morning i just sit there relaxing

like a doctor and i won't point it out i go what the fuck i'm naked let me bang when i and i just bang went out right there wherever it falls it stays you know i'm saying yeah i just walk around it i come in like sadly after the lights hitting it if the lights hitting it you can see the little circles on the floor that have sunk in you know i'm saying carpeting yeah no no it's sometimes if it's carpeting i'm in no danger any but that could have got there anyway i don't care what the dna does you know i'm saying oh my god people walking on there give me a guy who got an oj out i'm bringing sandals every time i go on the hotel i'm an animal oh yeah i'm an animal you got to assume when you go to a hotel the guy that stayed there in front of you is an animal first thing i

do is wipe down the head fucking board you think mage wiped down the headboard no next you know you got your malook with his malook and you're scratching like a fucking banshee yeah and then you go on the airport through the plane before i sit there i wipe that headrest god knows who johnny arrestifarian sitting there he hasn't washed his hair in two years because he loves bob mom listen i don't give a fuck okay you got to wash that fucking mop on your fucking head put some water on it cologne put a bag over it when you're flying you're scaring people fucking creature feature no and and what i do is i get to the hotel room and i turn that thermostat up about two more degrees and i take all the covers off that bed because those covers are not

getting washed no no that's the first thing you do i just a sheet only i hide those things really and i think if you two beds i rip the blanket off the other one and i put the head down the fucking penguin yeah and it's never cold enough yeah it's never cold enough i got to bring a fan on the on the fucking road yeah so when you jerk off on the road do you do you watch porn every time or do you just work off a memory you do memory sure no shit i take it back to the eighth grade finger banging this chick that's on facebook i saw the other day he's just sucking titties in the eighth grade i take it back to that fan scene shit you know what's weird about that is that you're jerking off to a 15 year old not really yeah your memory of her was from back when she was 15 16 years

old christian you weren't there she was 15 going on 25th okay when you were in the room and you saw that no no she was a she was a very not i know i think she i think your grandfather didn't because you were underage i looked her up on facebook and she looked really good yeah and i was looking at one of the pictures and i'm like jesus christ she grew up to be a piece of ass and i knew it i knew her and his sister was just pieces of ass what creeped me out about this broad in the eighth grade was her mother died i went to my house and they were like what are we gonna do whatever you want to do okay what times your sister got home about five thirty what times your father got home about six times your mother got home i was dead thought the dick died i got a quick anxiety spell i told her i

had to leave i called her a week later and broke up with it you couldn't handle the darkness it was i couldn't what what what what kind of child do for your mother to die and fucking two years later my mother died i kept thinking about that girl so from time that i forgot her name for years but if you know anything about me she was an iron bro all right so her name was marine see i forget the fucking thing i forget the last name that and i sometimes it comes to me i gotta write it down i gotta write it down i think i heard like uh when i found her on facebook i'm like jesus christ she's got big titties she had the phenomenal titties for an irish chick she had that strawberry hair so she had freckles on the titties and you should drive me crazy

i'd suck a titties right behind the church saying michael's over there i'd finger in the winter pussy'd be cold that's why she grew that muff so big she's just going back with uncle joey she really was beautiful you think about all that shit you ever i was telling lee one night you ever stop at a light you're looking there's two 18 year olds and books my friend them they're holding hands she's bagging she's 18 going on 22 he's 18 going on 19 he's a dumb fuck but they're going home because the mother's not coming home till five and they're basically gonna go home put jazzy on and fuck like savages and you think about how that's never ever gonna happen to you yet no but that's never gonna happen to you get that young love when you walk home with

a girl and you know you're gonna sling dick but it's gotta take you 25 minutes you gotta make out with her and suck a neck and then rub a pussy and she'll put a hand away from you then you go for the tit you're playing spider-man and she finally gives you that titty and then you rip her shirt off and that's it your finger banging through the fucking jeans finally the pants come off you lick it she starts crying she can't do it she's got to like why would you do this to me my brother's gonna kill you and then you start fingering her again like a savage that she gives him to the cock of death and you get out you flip over the cassette tape put on side two let's it's fucking crazy yeah yeah it's exactly what you do hold on when they flip this tape over

just to bring girls to your house and to make out with them and just dry them yeah it was such a pleasure at that age people i never understood i'll never get over dry sucking tits for the first time how old are you eighth grade so what's that 13 it's 13 years old but but this girl claire she had big ass titties jewish girl with red hair big tits fun girl great laugh and uh she let me suck her titties outside up at uh Rockefeller the Rockefellers had an estate up in a park up where i grew up in tarry town right across from tappan z bridge and we'd go up there on the weekends and we'd drink an eight pack of mikalob sit in the woods and then try to suck tits and uh claire claire let me suck her tits it's 13 yeah that's she just yeah new ones and get dick would get

hard you come in your pants yeah hell yeah your face would get all red and shit after you suck the second tit for 20 minutes you'd suck it and go into like a sucky titty trance you know what i'm saying and you know she wasn't gonna give you a pussy right you could rub it tug it try to finger her you go she had that belt on tight yep you had to have your fingers broken to fucking stick your fingers in that fucking snatch oh my god i missed that i'm thinking about thinking like now if you touch tits you enjoy it but you're also aware that you're doing it for her pleasure as well you're trying to do it in a nice way that will turn her on back then it was only because you were sucking on a tit like you never thought about how it fell for her you were just like i get to

put a nipple in my mouth and you'd suck out of like a baby hard like a baby you thought milk was actually gonna come yeah you would you would go back to being whatever the fuck age you are it's it really is like the people you think about even later on as i got old like the casual sex people you think about now and you go what have happened to them yeah like what are they thinking right now like you know they probably got three kids now what do they think about do they think back about that yeah or is all that their mind forgotten like most people you know i remember all that shit sometimes i said he really only let's go and i'll sit here with me and tell them road stories that is so vile and so disgusting that that alone is a lesson doing kami on the road

i think doing anything on the road really teaches you a different side of life it teaches you humanity but it also teaches you people are capable of doing and you're away from home like you're an outside you're like rambo in the first movie yeah how you feeling uh you happy to be home yeah i'm happy to see my god damn kids you know my uh we just bought a new car so tomorrow so my son just had his birthday 17th birthday so we gave him the car he gave my wife's car so he's he's loving life 17 he's got a girlfriend he's got his own fucking high toyota highlander not the sexiest car but it's got some space got that third row for his buddies he's gonna be two we tool around the west side LA his one one girl that's it he's got his girlfriend now he's got someone to take him for a

few years think it's hotel geese we got a spot oh he's loving life he's a girl to put you when you're younger girl when you when you find the spot i may think about it you start thinking you start going to your uncle let me talk to you about something that time i found you listen i'm not gonna sell them buddy let me borrow your car for one night i can't do it come on come on come on what do you need my car because i need it come on why i need bro why you put me through this one night i do whatever the fuck you want i'm never right yeah and they'll torment you for no no no then you tell them listen this girl you want to fucking my car not fuck i want to suck a tits get the fuck out get the fuck don't suck your tits at your house you're stupid fucking

it was hysterical you were trying to borrow a car for three hours i was impressed i'm gonna take it away oh yeah the first time i fooled around and it wasn't outside or in something with wheels on it i mean jesus especially you live in jersey you must have been fucking around a lot of cars no outside yeah outside tonight my mother died i sucked these tits that were one of the biggest tits you ever saw in your life she was like i was a sophomore she was a senior and i was gonna hit an acid and i was just sucking my tits like it was the she had big a orders that was the first time i saw that ariola she had those big 70s you know those big 70s yeah right she had some 1970s tits from playboy the big a order with the fucking small nipple

perfect what's it called ariola ariola ariola's the circle right yeah okay the circle not the nipple i'm learning something you know what i'm saying this kid who isn't in this one he's talking about the night your mother died you were on acid sucking a girl's tits earlier two hours three three four hours oh before you knew oh yeah before oh that's right that's right i remember that i remember that cops came i took off yeah i a girl that knew the neighborhood said follow me i told more people and then so we walked for a little while the cops disappeared and then we cut i'll never forget that street it's still there still the same way we cut through there and we got to a house and she goes she goes we can hide in the back and i knew a couple people who have been with

her already they didn't bang her but stuff happened i didn't know what happened so i went up there very innocently i was tripping on acid and next you know we kept sitting closer to each other next thing i was swapping spitting i got to sit out this fucking uh mosquito net you know those mosquito homes people are heading jersey you go out there and sit in the mosquitoes on bali you don't know i don't know it's like a little mini tent yeah you put in your bag are you serious yes you can like put like a little like a little gazebo it's like a gazebo so i'm back there with the pool furniture how romantic everything's back there put away we got a tiptoe back there just no two days early and i'm back there sucking those tits like a fucking like when those Ethiopian

kids when they save them they show up with a tip machine tip machine you're receiving they show up with a tip machine no that's not machine i've never seen that it's tremendous they show a picture of a woman who don't hate the milk can you suck it you need a bottle is that a machine you put your lips on there and look at the lady's picture and you're fucking you thank her like jesus what the fucking do you haven't had a meal four days somebody gives you that breast milk what would you say nothing you're sucking that tip to the wrinkles come out that's right that's right working a hand underneath who the fucking think you're dealing with you know what i'm saying these people don't know dick about dick i got a couple of dates i'll be in Tampa thursday night we ain't fucking around

listen if you live in the Tampa Sarasota clear water area when i'm fucking around this weekend over there right bring your guns bring it all we're taking damp go improv dot com go to Tampa click on uncle joey that's gonna fucking save your weekend i'm ready to go i'm taking a four-hour flight i'm ready to spit in somebody's fucking face you know i'm saying yeah i'm ready to go in the following week i got lexington kentucky on Broadway nice that's a good club that's a good fucking club last time some guy said fuck you fat motherfucker we're christians and he walked out only in lexington kentucky he'll be back what's your plans you want to write another show you're gonna write your own shit i gotta i want to get excited about uh you know doing another one

hour special i got i got the hour together and i'm putting it on tape over the next couple weeks and then we're gonna go out and see where we can sell it but i feel like it's been it's been two and a half years of working on this act i'm ready to fucking put it up and put it behind me because it's solid it's all transition it's all chunks it's ready and uh i'm not gonna be doing it in six months oh you know and then make a t-shirt that's it i need i need i've you sell t-shirts right no i sell them online no that's what i'm saying yeah yeah i sell t-shirts online yeah i don't have any how i did coke i couldn't sell them out no i mean online i want to i gotta make a t-shirt i'll make a t-shirt you have a fucking great fits you know what i'm saying grapefruit Simmons yeah

the fucking irish man yeah aka before the movie comes out stake your claim smack these hoes say good marketing force it say write all that on one t-shirt yeah say you're marketing force it that scarf is you're gonna get permission from paramount next year they're gonna bet your Harvey Weinstein's coming to the house to collect with a fucking jar of Vaseline and a young boy from Thailand with a missing eye you know what i'm saying and imagine Harvey Weinstein walks over to your house knocking your door a little asian boy with a missing eye can i talk to you like what's going on here listen i got this big project coming up

you'll be executive producer i want to fuck this little kid in the ass i need for you to take some pictures great this job pays 600 g's up front and residuals just take three four pictures nobody know nothing three or four pictures three or four pictures i have my office send over the contract on monday why does he only have one eye i don't know he lost a lot of travel you know things happen you're falling yeah because the story wasn't sad enough already i don't fucking know get to take his eye off that's the next that's gonna come out by Harvey Weinstein that's what they're gonna go when they rain he's already starting to burn his shit yeah if he fucking is that uh much of a pervert he's got pictures oh yeah he's got cameras lined up that dude's been taking pictures

he's got a picture of one of Piltro's pussy i know he does that little skinny bony fucking thing oh yeah now they all want to speak up against him and shit the other one angélia joly said he accused her and the other one the fucking one of paltrow yeah one of paltrow what are you gonna do for years you hit it back now you're gonna tell us and then the other one the academy award went up there and thanked him yeah so you got no credibility fuck off yeah i know it is a little late let you up there say harvey warrenstein's been sucking little asian dicks yeah over at grinkford simons's house the kid don't even know where he's got a knife you don't know where he's going oh he sees his fucking lights you know what's up for you look confused i'm fine all right just checking with you

what do you want tonight leah huh take any mushrooms or i took a little bit of everything feeling good yeah i feel fine all the mushrooms feeling uh i don't know i feel a little bit weird do you see anything no not really are they bad did you taste anything i the texture's not great but no there was no real weird taste who takes k like angle joy tell the people on the microphone right now who takes k like me no one no one does this but you you told me you don't want you want mushrooms we don't want to taste like shit i went out of my way to get them direct to you from the fucking farm you appreciate it thank that's the type of mother fuck i am you know i'm saying you your wish is my command farm the table that's it one way to fucking pittsburgh you know i'm

saying i flew them in there you have it direct from the farm you want the rest of them great take them on me what do you give a fuck take them home have a party with your wife dosa who gives a shit put in the middle of lasagna on New Year's Eve they want no none bring harvey Weinstein over yeah bring harvey lasagna or put on the harvey Weinstein mask nobody knows nothing people like a trick Cosby nobody knows nothing right now is the time to attack women with a harvey of Weinstein mask yeah we're gonna do it tonight i'd be out there stalking bitches with a suit on is that Halloween costume you think people are gonna wear that for Halloween oh fuck yeah with a camera yeah please but tonight i would go out with a harvey Weinstein face

and wear a suit going to Santa Monica and stab a motherfucker i want my career back and just stab him and leave and take the mask off all points both and look up a harvey Weinstein whatever his fucking name is let her go to jail for a few weeks and shoot we saw you know you didn't know that was a counseling i'm a dinosaur i gotta catch up with these modern ways that's what he said i grew up in the 60s and 70s you know you know how we talk in the 60s and 70s listen i grew up in the 60s and 70s i say some fucked up shit a couple years ago some girl i shook a hand she worked with a club and i shook a hand i hadn't met her before and i go you still work here i remember she goes i remember you too you grabbed my pussy one day and i go what are you talking about

i go you got me confused because i don't even come here i come here twice so you have flappers and trust me i just wouldn't reach out and grab your pussy if i was going coke you're taking your chances and get in the room with me you know what i'm saying when i had an eight ball with me you come in here with a mini skirt that's a long 10 second walk in and out i go to bars and just salivate over those waitresses like i was gonna like fucking the henry out no what's the other guy i had the Volkswagen he was killing bitches everywhere see out of the florida right um chart nut dommer that cocaine makes you you know evil yeah so when you're in a bar and a girl gives you a look what's a regular look to you is a look to me that means i'm gonna suck your dick

like we really believe the strip club thing when you're on coke she said to a waiter at denny's at two o'clock we'll wait for her she loves me dog she's gonna leave her husband and your friend's like oh yeah you know i'm brown i'm gonna leave you right here you you meet your fucking girlfriend no it's a sick fucking thing when you get that delusion yeah leave what are we doing this weekend this weekend no plans no dog show no blue apron contest none that i'm aware of yet no i don't think i have any plans no plans no i have therapy on fire that's it good for you you were talking to talk about therapy tonight you just went back good for you we had a discussion about that a while back i'm talking to you when you look on the table for

and say big day man big day first bit first day back in therapy in years walked in got my therapist she's this uh really old she's an old lady and she's native american and she just gets me you know she's great i want to be with her i did i used to go for i i went for a few years and then i stopped for i think she said it's been six years since i've seen her and uh and then she told me that i should be taking um what's that stuff the um the pot that doesn't have any cbd see she told me to start taking cbd's every day she goes but don't tell anybody i told you that i said all right so i went home i took some cbd's i had a bunch that uh pete holmes gave me a whole he sponsors it i think the same stuff that rogan does it's good shit good shit yeah it takes care of you sometimes

i forget i take an aspirin or something something hurts i go wait a second i got that cbd in the cabinet yeah and the pain you forget about it but the next morning it's how you feel yeah that's what i like about the cbd that's i don't know anything about it people always hit me up i don't know really much about it i know how it works for a fat fuck who tries to work out i don't know work for you know other things other ailments i feel a little high from it which you're not supposed to they say that there's no properties that should make you high but and i said that to her and she goes well it's probably because the stress you're normally feeling is gone when you take the cbd's and so you actually feel high relative to how you normally

feel i said all right i'll take that yeah that'll work for me yeah so i got about four giant bottles of that lined up we're doing that every day for a while and uh you know visualizing she said we're going to do a lot of visualizing the way you know sports you know sports psychologists they tell you to see yourself getting up to the plate watching the ball swinging at the ball hitting the ball whatever she's the same thing with life you can picture how situations are going to play out and you just you you run it through your head enough times it starts to starts to happen that way because you you allow it to happen that way it's a good train of thought yeah really is no no that's always you always see yourself like that when you're going to die you look at a picture yourself

what you used to be and you know you don't really get that that thing so and she said it's just repetition the more you think it the more you create new pathways in your brain and it happens you're an interesting dude great good summons that's why i love you to that thanks man love you too i caught you a few months ago you told me you're out of town i was happy for you that's a great show for you yeah you know the life you know pete holmes you know right easy to write he's a stand-up comic on the way up jesus christ right we all have something put on that it's over that's lights out that's a great show you know yeah i'm proud of you thanks man you're a fucking what do you think about what you think he's looking good ain't he he does he dropped some

serious first thing i noticed he came down those stairs and i said jesus not only looks lighter but he looks brighter no no he's a different fucking man he's taking vitamins he's doing the whole thing he's doing the kettlebells he's doing the doing the kettlebells and i did for a while it's like six months last year i did it three days a week but i'm trying but nobody does he came a year ago so i'm doing a little i'm doing better than when i was last year yeah you're sure yes i'm a bullshit he's taking long walks no but i went to the gym i did an hour on the elliptical oh that's amazing an hour jesus christ to lay in my my back right i went to the chiropractor yesterday i'm sitting there right and let the coffee shop and i got on like what the fuck am i gonna do

but i saw my back go fuck that i put my running sneakers on and i fucking put my ipod on and i went for the walk of death i went around that park three times you know what i wasn't huffing and puffing when i got on my shirt was drenched yeah it feels nice to go for a walk when so oh yeah over there just i'm in pain too as soon as i went home i used that spray yeah i was in fucking pain everything hurts knees shin bones the lower back so i went home i took a shower and i was right there in the bathroom i hit six one to my tongue i feel a little better than that yeah at my high who the fuck knows who cares just added to the body count at this point you follow me listen like i told you in the beginning of the show and i'm not fooled around

with you lips believes that being a right sharing driver should be fun if you're having a good time so your passengers and that's what everybody says about lift everybody says lift drivers are the best drivers out there now lift knows that their drivers are what keeps them moving so they do everything they can to make sure their drivers are happy on every trip it's a simple formula happy drivers means happy passengers maybe that's why nine out of ten lift rides get a perfect five rating you can earn hundreds of dollars a week plus tips you want to earn more money drive more it's never been easier to give yourself a raise lift was the first right share platform with tipping built right into the app because getting tips shouldn't depend on your

passenger having a crumpled build in this pocket that he did blow out of two years ago you keep 100 percent of the tips and they add up fast drivers have been paid over 200 million dollars damn since the feature was introduced wow and express play lets you get paid almost instantly instead of waiting for weeks for a check like some mortal bond lift has even taken the guesswork out of pickups the new amp device uses color coding to help passengers find their drivers listen knock it off join the ridesharing company that believes in treating its people better go to lift.com slash joey j o e y today right now stop and get up do something you can get a five an hour new driver bonus that's lift.com slash joey lift.com slash joey go there right now limited

time only terms apply we think you're dealing with you know saying some novice that was a good pitch you know i don't fuck around i'm over here talking to these people from the heart taking a lift home tonight i'm gonna relax always always why play games you understand me lisa at the truth when you went on your little blue apron diet you look good you lost weight you were doing it you were sticking to it then paul got the job you got busy but how good was blue apron it's it's great and and they're making it even better they're there they've made it so you don't have to get all through recipes now they have a ton more recipes to look at and the food's always fresh and even better they have amazing customer service my dad was just saying the other day they if you ever have an issue

which you rarely do you call them out that you email them or you call them and they're amazing and nice to deal with so that that means that yeah they're amazing quick quick they don't play games which is what you want old school style that's an amazing couple what is blue apron all for you it's affordable for less than ten dollars per person per meal blue apron delivers seasonal recipes along with proportion ingredients to make your delicious home cooked meals it's flexible you customize your recipes each week based on your preference blue apron has several delivery options so you can choose what fits your needs and there's no weekly commitment so you only get deliveries when you want each meal comes in a step by step easy to follow recipe card and their pre

portion ingredients can be prepared in 40 minutes or less sorry about that did you hear me before it's easy also each meal comes with a step by step easy to follow recipe card and proportion ingredients it can be prepared in 40 minutes or less the guarantee is beautiful blue aprons freshness guarantee promises that every ingredient your delivery arrives ready to cook or they'll make it right and you heard Lee it's tremendous customer service you're in good hands so do me a favor check out this week's menu and get 30% off your first meal for free you understand me free whether it's seafood the beef the chicken the pork you're gonna love it right now i'm gonna check out this week's menu get 30% off your first meal

with free shipping to boot by going to blueapron.com slash joey listen you're gonna love it getting delivered to your house you're gonna love how good it feels and how good it tastes and you're gonna love how to how good you are creating incredible home cooked meals with blue aprons so listen don't wait what are you waiting for that's blueapron.com slash joey again 30 dollars off your first meal with free shipping blueapron.com slash joey a better way to cook all right one more time for my brother there the Irishman one more time for the fucking christ killer my main man i love you motherfuckers have a great week i'll see you guys in Tampa don't forget about me cocksuckers bring the reefer and i'll see you next week and lexington Kentucky and on Broadway all right

so have a great weekend stay black see you monday motherfuckers love you what'd you say what you got it again this is saying go to run the Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh thought I'll be asleep with the wings of God above you

before the spirit leaves Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Shadow of this frozen in a bunker Lansing your streets Who's that fellow that goes walking Without feet to meet

It's passed so slowly by My hands on your top Heaven's door's gone open When you knock Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom When the top is frozen in

Will the light be in your soul Once we kiss On your payphone Why won't sleep even let me know Where do we go Where do we go Where do we go from here Where do we go

Where do we go Where do we go Where do we go Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

I'm there to sleep With the wings of God above you Before the spirit's me Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom

Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.